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An odd evening. The weather has been atrocious, and I have been sheltering indoors and writing. I gave uP tonight, and went out for music, catching up to three other club members cycling in. I am afraid that being out on the bike at last meantn that I just surged past them and was waiting with half a beer by the time they arrived.
I didn't play, but the guests were good, if a little too slick, and I had a good conversation on the train back with another member about the joy of making music, and how great it was to see so many young and not so young new chums there.
But I still felt lost, apart, separate from the whole thing. I know, intellectually, why that is, but it is not easy. I need an opportunity to just let rip, be me and play.
Life s a bitch sometimes.
Thanks for listening.
Edited to add: in short, I just want to be me. Nothing new there.
Comments
Your situation prevents it?
I am sorry that you are feeling frustrated. Not many of us find ourselves in the situation where we can just be ourselves.
My freedom came mostly unwanted; accidental; a simple mistake being discovered; it took them only days to sentence me; throw me out; issolate me completely. They thought they could shun me and bully me in to repentance. Bullying is the wrong tack to take with me.
I finally went ahead with it out of frustration; my judgement clouded by drugs. I find my Vagina to be a poor substitute for the real thing; inferior equipment really. Never use the damn thing except to muck it out once in a while so it doesn't get to stinking. Men aren't interested. Why have the fake syrup when you can have real Maple syrup, right out of the tree.
Still, I live as myself despite the unacceptable price. Many think that life is a breeze living as ourselves. Yet, when some of my friends hear me bitch like this, they simply say "shut up, you know you would not be alive if you had not"!
There are no easy answers. I'd say don't keep it secret from your family, because the sudden revelation will insure that it just blows up. No easy answers, sorry.
Gwendolyn
Oh Gwen
Not a case of secrets kept, just a case of frustration that I can't just get on and live my life. I have no family problems, I just find that I could do, at the moment, with less complications. Not seeking an all-purpose answer, just needed a little blow off of the accumulated steam. And a wish.....as we all do, that thinga were different. Incoherent,I know.