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All You Need (Is
So, as I type this, I'm sitting across from Ms. Edeyn, laughing my ass off at a conversation between she and Erin.
I cannot begin to express how much I just needed to not just get my butt somewhere away from my home situation (Before I left there. Was. Drama.), but also somewhere I could feel at ease and comfortable, to just unwind.
The first day was, due to afforementioned drama sending my anxiety levels through the ROOF, but between Edeyn and Rasufelle (Melanie E.), I'm finally starting to feel better. Two days of being introduced to everyone as 'Zoe', and referred to constantly as 'she' and 'her' has been such an absolutely incredible, indescribable feeling.
I love my family, but they have some strange ideas about what it means to be TS. I think the root of it (judging by my mother's last email) is that they seem to think that TS (and for that matter, homosexuality) are a choice. Meanwhile, I've spent my entire adult life searching for some answer pointing me in the opposite direction, that I'm NOT really TS. I did NOT want to admit this, and being forced to face this very nearly drove "Zoe" offline for good, as I mentioned in Part One.
But being here, I feel as though I've taken the first steps on a very long road to recovery. I hope so anyway. Edeyn and Melanie are wonderful people (Melanie and I actually have a lot in common), and I'm SO glad I decided to take this trip.
I want to give this piece of advice to anyone who's in my position right now. Step back. Suicide, or even purging, are not options. If it's just cross-dressing? YOU'LL KNOW! Believe me, I've been there. The fact that I only packed my 'boy mode' clothes for this trip, with like, three pair of my girly shoes, probably says a lot about that.
I don't know what's going to happen now. I may never speak to my family again if I do decide to transition, but the drama previous to this has proven that one way or another I need to find a good therapist, and go from there. Someone who's experienced in dealing with TS issues and not just "praying out the evil sin" - because y'know what? I'm not a bad person. I go out of my way to be nice to people even if I don't like them. If I REALLY don't like them, I avoid them.
ANYway, I'm signing off on this for now. I'm still chugging away on pre-writing and conceptualizing stuff for Robin. That little lady's taken on a life of her own, and Melanie's given me an absolutely wonderful idea for her for the Halloween scene (Thanks Melanie! :-D)