It’s been a while since I posted here, probably because my life has been fairly stable and reasonably happy for some time. But like all good things, it didn’t last. I know I should have expected it, but I guess I became too comfortable. I became complacent in my comfortable existence and allowed myself to be taken by surprise.

Well, shortly after going to bed tonight, my lovely wife dropped the boom on me.

As I climbed into bed and lay down facing her, she commented that I needed to roll over and face the other direction. You see, she has recently decided that we cannot face toward each other while in bed together, and as she was in bed first I had to turn over and face away from her.

When she told me I needed to roll over away from her, I commented that I wanted to lay facing her and that I wanted to be intimate with her - something which has been exceedingly rare since I transitioned. I guess I should be flattered as she tells me that since she thinks of me as a woman, and since she is, as she says, straight, she can’t do that. Well, her answer tonight was that I apparently didn’t want her enough to not transition, and that I should have thought of that before I decided on my own to change.

She made it more than clear that I am not now, and never will be, what she wants. No matter how many times she tells me she still loves me, it is obvious that I am nothing more than a friend she sees on weekends. I told her that I hoped she found what she wanted, got out of bed and left the room.

So, here I sit on the couch in my living room contemplating how I let life kick me in the head once again.

As much as I love her and want to be with her, it is not reciprocated - not in the same way anyway - and it apparently never will be. After over two years, she has, if anything, grown further apart from me. It has been made clear to me repeatedly that I am just an ocassional visitor in my own home; not just tonight, but every day for a long time. Tonight simply made me wake up and smell the coffee that I have been ignoring. That I am not even thought of in the same light as her sisters, but rather as nothing more than a close friend.

So here goes:

I will be looking to rent or buy a three bedroom, three bath, townhouse or house, somewhere within 30 miles or so of Reading, PA. I have been dabbling in the market for several months and have several very good prospects that I have found - but have put it off as it seemed too permanent. Apparently I should have pulled the trigger some time back. I can and will furnish the entire home, as I have done it before, both in York, PA, and in Columbia, SC.

I am posting this as I would welcome someone to share it with. This person would be expected to contribute somewhat to the cost, but the level of contribution is negotiable based on their means. I am quite capable of doing this on my own, but I know from past experience that I really prefer not to rattle around a home by myself. I tend to become too introspective when I live alone, which usually leads toward my becoming somewhat depressed, which is not a state I prefer, lol.

If there is anyone who is interested, please let me know. As long as I am within reasonable commuting distance of Reading I truly have no preference in direction or location - although I have found a few adorable places between Reading and Lancaster!

Looking forward to seeing who responds.