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Over the past 9 days, I've done things I never even dreamed I would. I've been in countless situations where something could have gone wrong, or someone could have made a comment that could have caused trouble, but none of those situations have come to anything bad, thank goodness! In fact, no one has said ANYTHING out of line or wrong, within my hearing range, at all.
Now I know I'm not very passable, although others tell me I am, but it seems that, as long as I mind MY business, most everyone else seems to be willing to mind theirs. As far as I am concerned, that's as good as passing successfully...for now.
I've been 'ma'am'ed, dear'ed, men have held doors and elevators for me, I've been referred to, when accompanied by my housemate, as ladies, I've and used the facilities appropriate to my expressed gender, with no trouble at all. Just today, I've been out in the yard, doing some much needed weed eating and other minor maintenance type stuff. I can't do very much of that kind of thing because of my COPD caused breathing problems, but I like to do as much as I can, when I can.
Now I KNOW bad things and times are out there, just waiting to pounce when I let my guard down, and I am prepared to deal with them when they happen. My simple plan, when these bad things rear their ugly heads, is to turn and walk away, if possible. I'll run away if I have to, but I WILL fight if I must!
Just as even a rat will fight when cornered, if I am given no other choice, then I will fight, and I will fight to win. No rules, no Marquis Of Queensbury niceties, simply survival, all bets off. Hopefully it will never come to that, but if it does, I'm also prepared to deal with it as well.
I find myself wishing, as I'm sure most of us attempt this sort of thing at my age, 61, that I had done this when I was much younger, even though I know that I was already 55 when I finally began to face up to who and what I really am.
I'll pass this little thought along, for what it's worth, to anyone who might be finding themselves facing being TS. TRANSITION AS SOON AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN! Don't wait any longer than you absolutely have to! Do whatever you LEGALLY can, and don't let ANYTHING stand in your way! Above all, don't give up, and please, please, PLEASE, contact someone, anyone, if you find yourself thinking about suicide! Your life is too precious to toss it away over something that has a solution! You are NOT alone! You are NOT the only one facing this! You DO have choices!
I wish every one who begins their RLT, peace and understanding from their families, co-workers, and friends. I wish everyone love, and caring, and hope. May whatever deity you worship, grant you peace, and aid, in your quest to become who you really are.
Catherine Linda Michel, now and forever!
Comments
Amazed
Cathy you have dealt with so much over the last two weeks I am in utter amazement. All I can say is what I've been saying all along. You go girl!
big Hugs!
grover
Hi Cathy. I have you by a
Hi Cathy. I have you by a few years, as I am 65 and in my 19 month of living full time, and just waiting for the time (and excess wt.) to trickle away for surgery. In the entire 19 months, I have had only one direct encounter. A punk frat rat pledge trying to impress his girlfriend and an older fratrat were in line behind me at Wally World. He looked at me, nudged the girl, and said, "Hey, have you ever been a man?" I could never let a straight line like that go, so I looked at him, opened my eyes wide and lifted my brows, and "Why no. Have YOU?" His girlfriend and the other fratrat cracked up, and he left with them in tow to go to another checkout line.
Oh, I had a couple of dirty looks at times from a woman or two, and a double take or two from guys, during the early days of RLT when I didn't have as much confidence in me as I do now. But I realized even before I started that it is their problem, not mine. I just do what I need to do, smile a lot at the right times, and enjoy being me.
I am not much of one to go to bars or other places where I might get into trouble, Cathy. I never was. The people I know that have had trouble often go to bars where obnoxious drinkers have actually waited outside for them and beaten them, one quite severely. So, don't look for trouble, and chances are it will not find you.
>CaroL
CaroL
I am not in the habit of encouraging people to come out,
However now that you are in the breech, this is what I suggest.
Give the world a disarming smile, be friendly and helpful. Be so friendly that your TX bit is not part of the issue. If people think that you are acting guilty, they will pounce on it.
No exagerated mannerisims and theatrics.
I have been out since January of 2005. I have been negatively confronted twice, at the same place and by the same sort of person.
You do, as a matter of fact, own the world
Now, go break a leg.
Hugs!
Gwen