When did I know? That is a tough question. During my pre-school to the third grade I was believed to be mentally retarded. To say I was aware I was different is to make a huge understatement. Those years in school wasn't pleasant at all and whatever other problems was lost surviving in the middle of desegregation during the late sixties here in the South.

The beginning of my fourth grade year at a private school my teacher noticed I was read fifth and six grade reading materials. That got me tested again to discover I had baker's dozen of learning disabilities instead of low intelligence. (PS: they still got their diagnosis wrong but at least it got me the additional help I needed.) The other big change that year was a school car pool we had with another family seeing our new school was a good 45 minute drive away. For the first time in my life I had close contact with a girl (a couple of years younger than I) even if forced by the long car ride. (PS: we never became friends. She hated my guts on first sight! A boy YUK!)

That Christmas I was expect to get her a present of some sort. Since I was being treated as a human now (yes still a little kid but let me tell you .... but not that is another story) I was allowed to pick out the gift myself. The moment I hit the 'girls' I was in shock. I never knew the wonderful things girls had to play with. It took some time for me to pick out that gift, but that was the first time I was aware of my fascination with all things Fem. Strange but I was also aware that it was also forbidden. As a side note during my entire time in school I had no close friends with the exception of Robert Heinlein, Ben Bova, Andre Norton and others I found in the Library. It was only after I joined the Army I made any close friends and discovered Games like Dungeons and Dragons. After seeing one of the gals playing a male game character I took a chance and began playing a female one. I was overjoyed that no one seemed to care and for the next few years that became how I got my Fem fix. Leave to me to redefine a activity. I've recently saw a definition of Cross-dresser as "We are normal males who have a pronounced feminine side in our psyhe (soul, mind) which demands expression in our imitating women given the opportunity."

I'm not sure about some parts of that statement about "normal males" and that "imitating" part but the part about a pronounced feminine side is dead on. Crossdressing without dressing? Well maybe.
Me thinks I've been rambling again!
I was going to post this as a response to Arecee's blog but will do so instead in one of my own.
hugs!
grover