Humor / Jokes / Cuteness

Sorta funny I thought I'd share.

I just thought I'd share this. Now I've been singing and playing guitar around my area for the past year but tonight I decided to try something different. I decided to try my hand at stand up, because in my transition there has been some funny instances happen. While I'm not nervous singing and playing guitar at all anymore, tonight I was terrified, I honestly was nervous enough I forgot about 5 minutes of material I had planned but everyone thought it was hilarious anyway. I hope you all get a good giggle at this, I figure it never hurts to share a bit of laughter.

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Just say no to drugs

I've seen the word drug used as the past tense of drag in several stories in BC, and it jars me everytime. I know that most (some) dictionaries list it as accepted as well as dragged, but in my area it is definitively s sign of lower educational achievement. It makes me think the character saying the words should be saying "youse guys" and "learnt" as a synonym for taught.

Just wanted to get that off my chest (feeble as it is).

Dawn

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Spelling Checkers o__0

Of all the satiric poems that point out the limitations of spell check software (and volunteer editors, for that matter), this one is the best I’ve seen. Sum tang two reed four yore con sit ration bee four righting Amy sing to pub lash.

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Awake at three a.m.

Awake at three in the morning. It's a contradiction of human existence, I guess.

I'm awake right now because I was having a weird dream. In the dream, Mel Brooks asks what if Buddha had been a nice Jewish boy from Queens?

Siddhartha the Buddha, or as his mother called him, Siddhartha the Bum.

She says to him, Sid, Sid, why don't you get a job? Your brother Marty has a nice job on Wall Street and what are you doing? Sitting under a tree eating plums!

I woke up laughing.

I tried to go back to sleep but Mrs. Gautama kept talking.

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Times, they are a-changing

This morning's news from Big Closet members is very uplifting but when I checked Facebook a friend had posted an old downbeat joke. In the mood of the day I decided to update the joke and here it is:-

A group of Hell's Angels in South Carolina are riding east on 378 when they see a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge, so they stop. George, their leader, a big burly man, gets off his Harley, walks through the group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, who is trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,

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Cuteness overload

When the human world gets to be too much for me (which is most of the time, these days), I watch this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmf0KAHWlnk

Twenty minutes of pure bliss and contentment. Not a word is spoken, and yet they manage to say it all. If only I’d had parents like these? When my father gave me a licking, it never looked like this. If mom had this sort of patience and affection?

My eternal thanks to the clever folks who write video download software… :}

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Found My Brain But can’t find my Sanity,

Well got the house all unpacked and most of everything put away. Maiha and Sam stopped by the new digs to help out. Thankfully they knew where they packed my brains. It seems the girls thought it would be funny to put them in a box marked Yard Tools. That box wound up in the guest bedroom behind the door. Now if they could only find where I packed my sanity I might just be able to get back to writing.

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Help! some one packed away my brain!

Well I finally got into my new home. Very little problems with the move. Now I only have to deal with finding where everything is packed. At this point I think someone packed up my mind and I am drowning in a Sea of BOXES. If anyone has seen my mind and know what box it is in PLEASE tell this poor author where it is at. The good news is now that the move is over I should be posting new chapters here shortly.

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Things I think about when falling asleep...

It was the summer of 1940. In order to celebrate the progress made in Spain under Fascism, Francisco Franco decided to hold a grand exposition in Madrid, that would be as big and impressive as any world's fair, but it would be an all-Spanish affair, highlighting progress and prosperity and culture from every city and province.

But the dictator's timetable for the construction and opening of his exposition was hopelessly optimistic, and rumors began circulating of workers dying on the job, and that some of the pavilions seemed like they wouldn't hold together for the two months that the thing was supposed to last. The Department of Public Safety got wind of these rumors, and they sent a building inspector down to the exposition grounds to see what was going on.

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lol

Sirius:We have already been to five doctors. I had my ankles microwaved -
James:X-rayed.
Sirius:They took my blood away to use for science!
James:Cholesterol test.
Sirius:James had his sinuses… removed?
James:Looked at.
Sirius:Some guy looked at my wiener. Touched it – that was weird.
James:And that guy wasn’t even a doctor.
Sirius:...
Sirius:....
Sirius:What?

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As I Age

AS I AGE - FOOD FOR THOUGHT?

1. I talk to myself, because sometimes I need expert advice.

2. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.

3. I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

4. My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs work.

5. The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

6. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now it's like a mini-vacation.

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Small fire almost destroys Big Closet

While lighting the candles for a certain someones birthday, a small blaze ensued. Luckily, no stories or authors were hurt. After firefighter from 3 counties were called in to control the blaze and extinguish the fire, our hostess was unfortunately unable to make a wish. However, upon seeing the firefighters remove their jackets and reveal their rippling pecs, Erin said it was better than what she would have asked for.

That said.

Happy Birthday Erin Half-Elvin, Joyce, and the symphony of pseudonyms you write under.

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I certainly was expecting this

The last couple of days my dog has been trying to play with one of my cats. But every time the dog wanted to play, the cat would jump behind the couch. The dog would just stand that at the edge of the couch, wagging its tail stupidly and being all hot and bothered. It was weird, but I figured the dog had pent up energy and the cats were the only animals around that it could socialize with but the cats wanted none of it.

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"Last Week Tonight" with John Oliver reposted

You have got to check out the episode of this show that airs this week.

Its on HBO Sundays at 8pm Pacific Time. It also repeats a bunch of times during the coming week.

He does a nearly 30 minute RANT on the overlooked rights of transgender people.

Its entirely in favour of us. It even has a few moments that make you laugh at the absurdity of it.

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An interview with Trans Comedianne Julia Scotti

Julia says some very interesting things about her life and her transition as well as being trans and open about it.

http://theheroines.blogspot.com/2014/05/interview-with-julia...

Catherine Linda Michel

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Free Comic Book Day

Today is a fun and free Holiday to those that enjoy Graphic novels and Pictorial Books.

In other words it is "Free Comic Book Day"
How does this holiday work you ask?
It is easy you go to a comic or one of many hobby stores and ask for a copy of a Free pre-approved comic book.

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Bathroom solutions a.k.a. Flushgate

I think I figured out what the outcome of the great bathroom debate will be (to be referred to as Flushgate from here on out).

In the future there will be a wall of doors leading to bathroom stalls. Signs for 'Men' and 'Women' will be replaced with Cis Men, Cis Women, Transmen, Transwomen, Agender, Polygender, Androgynous, gay man, gay women, bi men, bi women, furry - canine male, furry - canine female, furry feline male.... etc.

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Was this Cruel of me?

I received a mail in game [ Damoria browser based RTS game I'm forum mod, server admin and english support for it.]

Here is the GROUP dispatch mail I sent in response, with the original mail:
my reply tops the message

um, you do know that I'm going for the sex change op don't you?

Accolade wrote:
-->
gotcha !

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

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Man walks into a bar...

I'm stalled on another long story I'm writing, so here's a diversion. I can't remember where I heard it first.

A weary-looking man walks into a bar with a shoebox under his arm. He walks up to the bar, sets his shoebox down, and orders a drink.

"Hey, what's in the shoebox?" the Bartender asks.

The man sighs, opens the box, and pulls out an exquisite miniature piano. Then a man in a tuxedo, about a foot tall, gets out of the box, walks to the piano, sits down, and proceeds to play Chopin.

"That's amazing!" the bartender says. "Where did you get that?"

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Odd email subject.

I know that everyone gets those odd emails, Increase your 'body part' and Buy cheap 'drug' here type ads. But the other day I got one with a very strange subject: Email Exclusive! Buy 1 Get 1 Free, Woman Within! Now I thought that slavery was illegal, but here it is a sale to buy one woman, get one free!

(For those that don't know Woman Within! is a clothing store.)

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The Family Girl #071: About loneliness and other things

The Family Girl Blogs
(aka "The New Working Girl Blogs")

Blog #71: About loneliness
and other things: checking out
the chatroom

To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link:
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

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