Autobiographical

Finally

So, I took a big step, personal-wise, a few days ago and met with a therapist to discuss and hopefully unravel the convoluted mess that is me.

I had been to see a therapist a couple of times many, many moons ago, when I first started trying to figure out where I truly belonged on the gender spectrum (if anywhere). Unfortunately, that particular provider was the sort who was all about jumping into the deep end of the pool.

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Rain

You've probably all heard that it is raining A LOT in California. Fortunately, I'm not in an area hit by critical flooding and while there are mudslides in the local mountains, I haven't been affected by them either.

But last night, a leak in the bathroom ceiling caused a collapse of the ceiling tiles, with more damage this morning extending out into the hall. It's not that bad, and this has happened before, but that was caused by a leaky cooler on the roof.

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got a boost from a four-legged friend

Okay so the last couple of days I have really been struggling with depression and also having stomach issues, and it was getting to be a bit much.

Then today we went over to my aunt Terry's house, and met her new dog, a retriever mix named Rocky.

And he turned my day around.

gave lots of kisses, wanted to be petted often, just the thing I needed.

I am grateful for these moments.

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Expiration Date- Or how I Love Being a Radiation Mutant

"The time has come the walrus said" - OK it was the doctor who told me.

Looks like the expiration date on the bottom of my left foot is becoming visible.

I am diagnosed with kidney failure- singular.

The "fun" part of being a mutant is missing parts- and not knowing about it until you are getting in bad shape. I found I was born without a kidney and other internals are not connected where they should have been, or a few internal skeletal structure defects.

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Stress and grace

So going into yesterday I was looking at having a ton of "to do" things on my schedule until the end of the year, and I was getting kind of stressed about it.

Then life added another item to the list.

One of the tires on my car started losing air.

After frantically phoning around, I was getting to the point where I was wondering how I would get anything done if I couldn't get the tire fixed.

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a mistake has caught up to me

so I have been using a CPAP machine for a while, and it had done wonders for my sleep apnea.

Unfortunately, it was only a loaner, and I have to return it Friday.

And because of mistakes I made trying to get Alberta Disabled support to cover me for one, I am going to be without one for the foreseeable

There have been a lot of times, I've made massive errors, and somehow avoided consequences, so if this time I am going to pay for my mistakes, so I can't kick too hard.

Still, its gonna suck not having the machine considering how bad my apnea is.

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a cute moment at the mall

Okay so today I was doing a little taxi service for Sharon and Sam, and while they were out shopping in a mall Mom and I went to the food court and got supper.

On our way back to the car, a little boy, maybe about 3 or 4, came up to me and proudly showed off the candy cane he had.

I told him "wow", the kid's dad grinned and kind of blushed, and mom and I went on our way.

Every once in a while, God throughs a little goodness my way, to remind me its not all darkness in the world, and today I really needed it.

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Sick Season

I've been under the weather the past two or three days. I thought the cough I had was due to the damp weather combined with the dust raised by the work I'm having done in the basement. Said coughing was bad enough that I had to use my inhaler a few times.

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Unless I feel much better, there won't be a Bike tonight.

I have succumbed to a virus, I don't know if it's Covid, but I have a stupid tickly cough that has kept me awake for two nights and prevented me from attending a geology workshop that I have wanted to go to for a year. I am so fed up with life at present I'd like to disappear to a tropical island and never come back.

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Caretaker/ roommate needed

Roommate/caretaker requirements:
I have a large bedroom whom I am willing to give a trans girl a good place to live, all utilities paid, and shared food bills. Full laundry and kitchen. Dogs/cats are welcome.

In exchange I would need someone with a car. she would be required to run occasional errands, do minor housekeeping, and take out the trash.

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Happy 70th Birthday

Today was my 70th birthday and I admit waking up remembering what day it was and then thinking that being 70 was a new experience and wasn't I supposed to feel old? I didn't I I felt the same, despite my stroke back in May. My daughter was visiting with her hubby and I had arranged three roast beef dinners, 'Denis dinners', which those who have visited me in Dorchester for things like a Gabyfest will have experienced and named from the owner of the cafe where we ate.

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a streak comes to an end with a whimper

Some time after I had been on this site for a while, I realized I had managed to publish at least one story, poem, or essay each calendar month with one exception.

Being the kind of individual I am, it became an obsession to keep this streak going, and honestly, I think the quality of my stories suffered for it.

Well, as of midnight tonight, the streak is over, as I have not been able to produce any content for the month of November.

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advice needed

I really need advice.

I think my ex is taking advantage of me because I have a car, and she often will ask for a ride, only to add 2 or 3 extra stops, or want to spend much more time somewhere than she mentioned before she got into the car.

I put up with a lot because she is the sole caregiver of my disabled daughter, but then today she spent part of the trip insulting both me and my mother and claiming we were going to hell.

I really want to set a boundary here, but I don't know how to without it hurting my daughter.

advice please.

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Wishing everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving!

I have much to be thankful for this year - I have survived yet another year, it appears that my immunotherapy has been successful in that I have been cancer free for over a year and a half, the reaction which I had to the immunotherapy seems to have settled down and I am no longer in constant pain from my joints, my mobility has returned to very nearly 100% of what it was previously, and I am still surrounded by my family.

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I’ve got spurs that jingle jangle jingle

I remember proudly singing that song on stage at Main Street Church kindergarten, beating sticks together while dressed in a tiny red vest, string tie, and cowboy hat. I don’t remember now if I had boots, or what girls got to wear.

Jangle, hats, what am I thinking? The hatbox donation link https://janglewood.com/one-time-gift/

Please help keep this site going if you can.

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The Anthropology of Desire

I just finished reading a Wiki piece on the Eroticism of Islamic thought. The gist of it is that men are sexually attracted to a covered woman. And, generally women like being sexually attractive. In my years attempting to be a practicing Muslim woman, I liked being covered and really felt secure in the full face covering. The article strips the mystery away for me, not that I think there is anything wrong with being modestly covered. I think that being Muslim or not, generally men like to be in power over women. The Quran and Bible reinforce this. It's a funny funny world isn't it?

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some good news about Sam

So, we went to Sam's doctor today and got some good news.

Her CT scan showed no problems, which means whatever is wrong with her, it's not being caused by a tumor or a stroke or anything of that kind.

Which means that as was suspected at first, this is a psychological issue, or possibly a chemical imbalance, or maybe a bit of both.

We're a long way from a cure, but I think this was a major step forward.

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my dreams keep getting better

Okay so last night I think I had one of my best dreams ever.

I was an officer of the law, chasing a dangerous criminal in the mountains of British Columbia.

And I was amazing.

Strong, smart, and above all fearless, I overcame obstacles in my way with ease.

Sadly, the dream ended just as I had the bad guy cornered, but I have no doubt that version of me would succeed.,

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