Ricky

The Carrie Conundrum - Part 2 of 6

The Carrie Conundrum

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The Conference Call

I got Mom settled in front of the TV and went out into the back yard. I knew that my sisters were two time zones away, so it was evening for them.

"Hi Pam, It's Harry. I have some news."

The Carrie Conundrum - Part 1 of 6

The Carrie Conundrum

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A Rude Awakening

I woke up when my phone started ringing. I knew it was my sister Caroline since the ringtone was Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline. Caroline thought I was a genius to be able to do something like that and had me put Croche's Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown on hers so she knew it was her husband calling. I had better add that Leroy was a nice guy, not a bad bad one.

"Whazzit?" I mumbled.

Mrs Major and the Nutcase - Part 10 of 10

Mrs Major and the Nutcase

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Family Matters

As if to emphasize that my period of contemplation of Eden Atara Goldman's letter was finished, the doorbell started to ring. The new doorbell was one of those electronic types that can be programmed to practically play a symphony when the button was pushed. Stan the ass-grabber had set it to play Roy Orbison's Pretty Women. I still was trying to grasp that I was a pretty woman these days, it was almost as strange as living with a ghost.

Mrs Major and the Nutcase - Part 9 of 10

Mrs Major and the Nutcase

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All Brides Are Virgins, Aren't They?

Arising on a fine Saturday morning to find my love had already claimed the bathroom, I contemplated the day ahead. Vonda had warned me to dress comfortably in something simple and to wear comfortable shoes. She had been shopping with her mother before and knew how to prepare.

Mrs Major and the Nutcase - Part 7 of 10

Mrs Major and the Nutcase

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History At Home

We decided that the afternoon should be spent in quiet activities in deference to my puncture. I unearthed one of the multi-sided die left from my D&D days to decide which room would start our explorations. It came up at the parlour, so we removed the dust covers, did a quick vacuum and looked at the bookshelves that were on one wall.

Mrs Major and the Nutcase - Part 6 of 10

Mrs Major and the Nutcase

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A Sense Of Relief

"So now we know…" breathed Vonda as she ceased her reading.

"Know what?" asked our unknown observer.

"Just what the Curse was that became known as The Curse of the Feminine Mystique."

"I thought that was a book"

"So it was. Doesn't mean someone couldn't steal the phrase, though."

"I guess…"

Mrs Major and the Nutcase - Part 5 of 10

Mrs Major and the Nutcase

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A Welcome Discovery

Returning to the historical society, I worked out how to make hard copy of the microfiche. The article was dated March 7, 1866:

Mrs Major and the Nutcase - Part 4 of 10

Mrs Major and the Nutcase

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Tuesday: Surrender to the Inevitable

I awoke again to the screech of brakes, followed closely by a mumbled and indistinct "What was that?"

Mumbled because Vonda was no more awake than I was, indistinct because my ears, accompanied by my head, were nestled in her breasts, of which there was considerable to nestle in.

Mrs Major and the Nutcase - Part 3 of 10

Mrs Major and the Nutcase

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Is There A Doctor In The House?

As much as I wanted to watch the roofing crew at work, I was getting concerned about the swelling and itching in my chest. Allergy? Some weird virus? Cancer? It's easy to psych yourself out over something like that, especially when all this other shit was happening.

Mrs Major and the Nutcase - Part 2 of 10

Mrs Major and the Nutcase

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The Questions

I stood naked beside the bed, still holding my wet towel. What the hell was going on around here?
 

I wouldn't go so far as to call myself a skeptic, but haunted houses were things you found in movies, not in real life. Point one: I was the only one in the place. Counterpoint one: I had left the door open, not to mention the windows.

Mrs Major and the Nutcase - Part 1 of 10

Mrs Major and the Nutcase

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The Backstory

I'm going to start with a confession: I'm a nutcase.

Don't believe me? Just ask any of my friends and they'll be happy to go into excruciating detail.

Mrs Major and the Nutcase

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Mrs Major and the Nutcase

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As a confirmed skeptic, I have never understood why anyone would actually believe in ghosts and goblins. Likewise horror movies leave me cold - how could anybody be so stupid as to do the dumb things that get you killed in those movies?

Little Orphan (D)Annie - Part 13 of 13

Little Orphan (D)Annie

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Part 13 of 13

Chapter 19 - High School

And so I continued to grow up. The usual things that happen to teenage girls happened to me. For the most part, my life as a transgendered girl wasn't too different from that of any schoolgirl, but I'll hit some of the highlights.

Little Orphan (D)Annie - Part 12 of 13

Little Orphan (D)Annie

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Part 12 of 13

Chapter 16 - A Birthday Surprise

My twelfth birthday party was quite a departure from those in the past. Previous parties were just a bunch of guys getting together to hang out and stuff themselves with ice cream and cake. This year the topic of sex had become apparent.

Little Orphan (D)Annie - Part 11 of 13

Little Orphan (D)Annie

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Part 11 of 13

Chapter 14 - The Birthday Party

Have you ever gotten so busy that you forget some important stuff? By the middle of February I was settling in to my new school and new friends and identity. If I wasn't doing homework or thinking about school I was thinking about the upcoming play, learning the songs and dialog and wondering who was going to be playing Colin and Dickon.

Little Orphan (D)Annie - Part 10 of 13

Little Orphan (D)Annie

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Part 10 of 13

Chapter 12 - Tales Of Boobs and Bubbles

By Sunday my wonderful, fabulous, womanly new breasts had me in a sticky situation. Really. The things kept sticking to my chest. I had to look around and if nobody was looking I kind of stuck my fingers in my bra and tried to adjust them to be more comfortable.

Little Orphan (D)Annie - Part 9 of 13

Little Orphan (D)Annie

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Part 9 of 13

Chapter 10 - A New School and A New Show

Ursuline Academy was everything I hoped it would be. Eventually. Of course I had to get through being the new girl, which I thought wouldn't be too hard. After all, I was able to stand up in front of a few hundred complete strangers and convince them I was a cute little orphan for several nights. Stage fright? Me?

Little Orphan (D)Annie - Part 7 of 13

Little Orphan (D)Annie

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Part 7 of 13

Chapter 8 - Ursuline Academy

"And to what do we owe the pleasure of your company this morning, Annie?" asked Dad at breakfast.

"Why Dad, isn't my presence always a pleasure?"

"I refuse to answer because I might have to tell the truth."

"Chip, be nice to your daughter."

"He's never nice to me," grumped Kate.

"I guess that means you don't want a lift to the mall?" snarked Dad.

"I'll just have my boyfriend take me."

"Joanna! Where's my baseball bat?"

Little Orphan (D)Annie - Part 6 of 13

Little Orphan (D)Annie

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Part 6 of 13

Chapter 6 - Party Time

Saturday morning I woke up and I just couldn't help it - with all those new clothes still in the bags I just had to wear them. The party wasn't until two in the afternoon, but I really wanted to try on some of my new things.

Little Orphan (D)Annie - Part 5 of 13

Little Orphan (D)Annie

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Part 5 of 13

Chapter 5 - Choices And Changes

Take a minute to think back to when you were eleven years old. That's sixth grade if you're in the US. If you're from someplace else you'll have to figure it out for yourself where you were in school. Some things seem to be burned indelibly into the synapses of my brain, but even the things you think you remember perfectly aren't quite the same as the things other people who were there remember.

Little Orphan (D)Annie - Part 4 of 13

Little Orphan (D)Annie

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Part 4 of 13

Chapter 4 - Annie And The Angel

I wore my new print dress home at Kate's insistence - she thinks that having a sister could be fun. Dad and Sam did some silly grunting and chest pounding thing when we got home to prove how great their men's night out was, but we sophisticated women just ignored the gorillas in the living room. We women had better things to do, like finish my homework and go to bed; after all it was a school night. Looking back as an adult having to go to bed so early shocks me, but back then I really did need the sleep. That school bus came awful early.

Little Orphan (D)Annie - Part 3 of 13

Little Orphan (D)Annie

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Part 3 of 13

Chapter 3 - Outfitting Annie

School on Wednesday took forever.

I was really looking forward to going out with Mom and Kate, and the idea of being Annie for the outing had moved from yeah, OK to this is going to be fun! Something had clicked when I saw myself as the girl version of me. On stage, Annie was a character, a role I was playing; off stage, the Annie I saw in the mirror was me as a different person.

Little Orphan (D)Annie - Part 2 of 13

Little Orphan (D)Annie

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Part 2 of 13

Chapter 2 - Annie Off The Stage

Annie was a great success, which made me want to spend more time on the stage. I was hooked on the bright lights and the greasepaint, just like my parents. The hardest part of the whole thing was the my name in the program.

Little Orphan (D)Annie - Part 1 of 13

Little Orphan (D)Annie

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Little Orphant Annie's come to our house to stay,
An' wash the cups an' saucers up, an' brush the crumbs away,
An' shoo the chickens off the porch, an' dust the hearth, an' sweep,
An' make the fire, an' bake the bread, an' earn her board-an'-keep;
An' all us other childern, when the supper things is done,
We set around the kitchen fire an' has the mostest fun
A-list'nin' to the witch-tales 'at Annie tells about,
An' the Gobble-uns 'at gits you
Ef you…Don't… Watch…Out!

"Little Orphant Annie"
James Whitcomb Riley
1885

Spring Break

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Photo from neonbrand.
 

Spring Break

I suppose it's rather trite to say your first time with a woman can set the pattern for your whole life. I know it was true for me, but my pattern bears more resemblance to a crazy quilt than some nice, ordinary bedspread.

I suppose the allusion to bedding is apt, as my pattern certainly included sex, but in many unforeseen ways it changed my whole attitude toward women and life.

Political Doubletalk, Part 6 of 6

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Part 6 of 6

 
Chapter 14
"Dammit Penny!" cried Myrna, slamming down the phone. "I feel like I should go out and stand on the street corner with a sign saying 'Anything helps - God Bless.' I'm sick of begging for money. How did we ever let the system get this corrupt?"

Political Doubletalk, Part 5 of 6

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Part x of 6

 
Chapter 11
"Myra, that was an amazing performance!" Penny said in wonder. "Talk about take no prisoners! Who else could talk about the ancient Indus Valley civilizations and make it sing?"

"I did get a little carried away."

Political Doubletalk, Part 4 of 6

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Part 4 of 6

 
Chapter 8
With the first public appearances behind them, it was time to hit the road. No one runs for office without a large number of volunteers willing to go out and do the legwork, answer the phones, make the endless calls, pay the bills, program the computers and generally support the candidate.

Political Doubletalk, Part 3 of 6

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Part 3 of 6

 
Chapter 6
Two days later Helen and the slightly mystified Penny were sitting in a plastic surgeon's office in Reno Nevada. For Penny, traveling with someone who was almost the woman for whom she worked for many years was a surreal experience.

Political Doubletalk, Part 1 of 6

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Part x of 6

 
WARNING! If you are of a conservative bent, you'll hate this one. You. Have. Been. Warned.

Author's Note: I stole this plot from Robert Heinlein, who stole it from a long line of felonious authors reaching back to some guy pressing Cuneiform into clay on a riverbank in the Middle East, in hopes of preserving his deathless prose. It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected. - Mark Twain
 

Political Doubletalk

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Your cousin Myrna is going to need your help badly. It's getting bad and she has COPD. Son, a politician that can't breathe hasn't got a chance if she can't give speeches and make appearances all over the state."

"You're right, I hate being up on a platform playing politician, but I'll campaign for Myrna if that's at it takes. Count me in."

"Son, you're missing the point. You aren't going to campaign for Myrna, you're going to campaign as Myrna."

The Bank Heist - Part 10 of 11

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Part 10 of 11

Chapter 15
When we got home late, the other girls took one look at us and asked why we both looked like we'd gotten laid but hadn't been in the bedroom yet. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get used to girls asking questions like that, I was brought up to think girls didn't do stuff like that.

The Bank Heist - Part 9 of 11

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Part 9 of 11

Chapter 14
It took us two days to read all the things I had been given. It looked like being a Court Reporter involved more that pushing buttons on a machine, you had to take stenography and legal vocabulary and quite a few other courses to qualify. For a seventeen year old high school dropout, it looked like a lot to do. I just had to tell myself I was a twenty-one year old A student - just like my transcript said.

The Bank Heist - Part 8 of 11

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Part 8 of 11

Chapter 12
If my first - and last - date on Saturday was exciting, Sunday at the zoo was something else. Scary, exciting, thrilling, all mixed up. I now knew that Vito was no longer wanted as a murderer, although they would probably want me to do time for burglary and general mopary and dopary. I could still use that as an excuse to stay in my disguise as Eliza.

The Bank Heist - Part 7 of 11

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Part 7 of 11

Chapter 10
Patty was right. It took three more days for Mike the Cop to ask me for a date. It was the first time I talked to a cop and he was the one being nervous. Go figure! We got off the bus and Mike the Cop just happened to be walking by the bus stop when we arrived.

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