Daddy parks the car in a visitor’s spot and I look at the school with a feeling of impending doom.
My life has already changed forever—the Borg implants can like never be fully removed now. Like Seven-of-Nine, I will now always carry some of the implants, even if I try to dissimilate myself and go back to my old life.
A life that is getting ready to change even more over the next few hours—let alone the days, weeks, and months.
I sigh as I get out of the car, drawing on what residual energy I can from my peeps, and walk towards the front door…
Momma gives my arm a comforting squeeze as Daddy opens the door for us. She smiles at me and says, “It’ll be OK, Hon. I know this isn’t what you were expecting today to look like. I know this isn’t your ‘Plan A’. Sometimes we just have to punt in life and go with ‘Plan B’.”
I silently nod and scan the hallway for Klingons. The coast is clear—not a soul in sight. Klingon, Romulan, or other.
Together, we walk the hallway to the front office and Daddy leads us up to Ms. Sprout’s desk. He lightly knocks on the doorframe and she looks up and smiles, “Good morning, Alexanders!” She then looks straight at me and asks, “So, Jacie, is it now?”
I simply nod as I bite my lower lip. I’m still expecting a Klingon death squad at any moment—or worse.
What? The Borg can still die.
Anyway, Daddy says, “Good morning, Ginger. I think Penny is expecting us.”
I fight hard to keep my eyes in. Daddy’s on first-name basis with the powers-that-be in the school?
Ms. Sprout smiles and nods, “Yes, George. She’s expecting you. Just go on in.”
He says, “Thanks, Ginger.” And he leads us to the warden’s office, where I’ll be officially added to the prison rosters. A nameless Borg in a Klingon prison.
What? I have no idea if Klingon prisons can hold the Borg! That’s beside the point! I mean, like really!
Anyway, I still haven’t said a word and my ears perk up again when Momma says, “Yes, thank you, Ginger. You’re looking lovely, today, by the way.”
Ms. Sprout giggles and I pull back on Daddy’s arm as I attempt to turn around and chase my eyes that are quickly rolling down the hall—away from Ms. Blackthorn’s office. He continues to pull me tightly by my arm into the office, though, and I resign myself to just going in blind…
I guess my cursed Borg technology takes over and regenerates new eyes for me—ones that won’t fall out anymore—since I can very clearly see Ms. Blackthorn stand up and prissily shake Daddy’s hand, then give Momma an equally prissy hug.
I now know my new Borg eyes won’t easily fall out anymore, because they try—they really do…
She then looks at me and says, “Good morning, Ms. Alexander—Jacie, now, right? Not, … Chrissie?”
Again, I nod. My Borg technology hasn’t caught up enough to alleviate the parched cotton-mouth that I have.
What? No, it’s not cotton candy. Just plain old white cotton—baked dry and completely parched in the deserts of Tatooine…
What? No! Desert! Not dessert! Where is the fetish with cotton candy coming from? That’s last year’s fad!
Anyway, I nod and try and pull some moisture back into my mouth. I sort of croak in a cracked voice, “Yes, Ma’am. That was like sort of decided for me…”
She nods and replies, “Yes. Jacie, then. We’ll talk about that some more in a bit. For now, please have a seat and let’s talk. We need to plan how this will all unfold—and how we’ll ensure your safety.”
My eyes struggle hard, once again, to pop out—but are now seemingly stuck firmly in my head. I sweep my skirt and sit down on a chair between Momma and Daddy.
She continues, “Yes, we have zero tolerance on bullying and violence, as you’re well aware, and we have an all-inclusive transgender policy—albeit untested, since you’re our first—but I’m not naïve enough to think that alone will be enough to protect you from such evils.”
I sigh and nod. The bitter taste of blood floods my taste buds as I bite my inner lip a little too hard. Momma squeezes my hand and I ruefully run my tongue over the bloodied inside of my injured lip.
Ms. Blackthorn gives me a searching look and smiles, although somewhat awkwardly, “Look, Jacie, I know this wasn’t completely your choice—not even close. Your parents and I have talked quite a bit. The thing is, completely your choice—or not—it was, no, is your choice. You can still change your mind.”
I take a deep breath and feel a little moisture gather in my mouth. I think the Borg Queen is stoking my anger a bit, since my heart is beating harder—almost pounding— and I’m suddenly, well, pissed.”
What? Can the Borg get pissed? I guess so…
Anyway, I take a moment to calm my nerves and say, “You’re right, Ms. Blackthorn. It is my decision—one I had to like make under duress. My choice to even like make a choice was taken away from me. I had to choose. As for that choice, for better or worse, I’m going to like give this a try. I’ve talked to my shrin…, err, psychologists—and, yes, I’m like so screwed up, I need two—and we all agree that I need to like explore this. So, yes, I’m here as Jacie. And, yes, I’m like here to stay. At least, for now…”
She smiles. I mean she actually smiles, this time. She nods and replies, “Good for you, Hon. So, I’m not going to lie. This is going to be tough on you. Extremely tough under the best of circumstances. It’s also going to be at least as tough on us. You’re our first transgender student, believe it, or not. While there is a lot of media coverage on transgendered children, actual openly transitioning students are fairly rare. And, yes, I know you don’t consider yourself actually transgendered or in transition, but more in exploration. The thing is, for all intents and purposes, as far as we the school are concerned, you’re in transition. That is also what your doctors have attested to.”
She looks at us all sitting here and seems to think about something. She says, “It looks like we’re going to be here a bit. Forgive me for not asking sooner. Would you all like anything to drink? Jacie, you look like you could use something for that dry mouth?”
My eyes fight against their restraints again as I nod, “Ummm, Diet Pepsi, maybe—or, like some water?”
What? I thought I was covering my issues pretty well. She must have some Betazoid blood in her…
She nods and looks at Momma and Daddy, who both agree a cup of coffee would be great. Ms. Blackthorn goes out and talks to Ms. Sprout and then comes back in to retake her seat.
She says, “Coming right up! Now, where was I? Oh! Right… Difficulties… So, we need to officially consider you ‘in transition’ for the extra protections to kick in.” She takes a breath and continues, “As you already are aware, we have a comprehensive security camera presence in the school, but there are blind spots. They also don’t cover the restrooms—on purpose and for obvious reasons. You’ll be using the girl’s restroom, since you’re now officially attending as Jacie—a transgendered female; another ‘perk’ of your transitional status—so, you’ll really need to adopt the female habit of going in a group.”
I blush and awkwardly nod. I’m saved from responding by the clinking of a tray, though, as Ms. Sprout comes in with the drinks—a Diet for me and coffee for the three of them.
We all thank her and Ms. Blackthorn continues after taking a sip of the steaming, black coffee Ms. Sprout has poured her, “So, I’m aware that you have your ‘Circle’ that will be there to protect you. We’ve rearranged your schedule to make sure that you’re always in class with at least one of them. We’ve also rearranged seating, to have you sitting next to one. I do, however, expect that to be only for protection and not to giggle, gossip, or otherwise disturb the class. Am I understood?”
She gives me a pointed stare and I squirm in my seat, in spite of having done nothing wrong. I simply nod.
She shakes her head and retorts, “No, I need to hear you say you understand, Jacie.”
I sigh and take a sip of my Diet, then simply say in a low voice, “Yes, I understand, Ms. Blackthorn.”
She nods and takes another sip of coffee. I look out the sides of my eyes and see Momma and Daddy both just quietly sitting there, adding creamer and/or sugar and stirring their steaming coffee.
Ms. Blackthorn takes another sip of her coffee, obviously pensive, then continues, “Now, like I said I know you have your ‘Circle’ and we know that there is some level of support from other students, thanks to the social media feeds. We’ll come back to those in a minute.”
She takes another sip of steaming coffee, and continues, “At any rate, there is a level of support—and a ground-swell of opposition to the formerly popular jocks, as you call them. But, this is high school and, if one thing is utterly clear, it’s that popularity is a fickle thing and allegiances can and quickly do change. You can’t rely on your current status to maintain any sort of protections.”
Another sip, then she adds, “You’ll need to remain extremely vigilant and you’ll need to rely on tried and true friends to protect you. Obviously, the male members of your band should also fall into that category. You’ll need to walk a very fine line, though. I will not tolerate violence or bullying from either side. Am I clear on that?”
I nod and know she’s expecting a verbal acknowledgement, so I say, “Yes, Ma’am. But it’s like not fair when they can like fight the battle outside of school and it spills over. That’s the whole reason we’re like even here!”
What? I don’t know where that came from either. The Borg Queen still influencing my thoughts? She must be stoking me on.
Anyway, she smiles and says, “I told you we’d get to that. Now seems like the proper time to discuss it.”
Ms. Sprout comes in and refreshes the cups of coffee and Ms. Blackthorn continues, “So, the culprits that ‘outed’ you at the restaurant were engaging in bullying, plain and simple. You are correct that I don’t have any real leverage over what they do off-campus, but, I do have jurisdiction over what happens when using school resources. When they posted the videos to social media and those spilled over onto school feeds, they became culpable under school rules and regulations.”
She blows on her refreshed steaming coffee and grimaces as she takes a sip. She looks at me, her face completely serious, “Jacie, they will all face the consequences of their actions—at least in terms of what the school can do. I’ve also recommended that your parents seek further legal guidance on what to do outside of the school’s jurisdiction. That being said, taking action against them is a two-edged sword when it comes to you.”
My reinforced eyes actually make it outside their sockets, this time, but only for the briefest of moments. The Borg technology just immediately beams them back in.
I retort in an incredulous tone, “What? How? Like I didn’t do anything wrong!”
She nods, “No, Jacie, you didn’t. However, there will be a blame game. This is high school. It’s only slightly better than Kindergarten—although, still much better than Congress. Anyway, many that support the jocks, as you call them, are plain and simple homophobic bigots and will use the actions we take against them to their advantage. Again, we’ll keep a firm finger on the pulse of what’s going on—but, it will likely cost you some popularity points.”
I feel my eyes beam back in again after they make it all the way to Ms. Sprout’s desk from the explosion in my head.
What? The steam released from my head blew them that far! And, no, it wasn’t from pink cotton candy! What is it with you and that stuff?
I actually sputter, “Popularity points?!?” My frustration is clearly evident in my outburst. “Ms. Blackthorn, you seem to be like under the misconception that I give a damn about popularity!”
Daddy squeezes my arm tightly and Momma slaps my knee. She admonishes me, “Language, young lady! Apologize to Ms. Blackthorn, right this instant!”
I feel the blood rush to my face as I flush and I sigh, “I’m sorry, Ms. Blackthorn, but popularity is like the least of my worries. I wish I could just go back to like being invisible!”
She nods sagely, “Apology accepted, Jacie. The thing is, you aren’t invisible anymore. So, you do need to worry about your popularity status. That’s what will provide you with your best protection. If you’re in with the popular girls, then you’re behind a wall of protection stronger than even I can provide you. You’ve already benefited from that. The thing is, you’ve been protected by the pom-pom fortress up to now because the girls thought the jocks were picking on the poor, helpless friend of other popular girls. That solidified the support around you from all factions. This is a different issue, all-together. There are political issues here, both with a small and with a capital ‘P’—and that support may well splinter now.”
I sigh, “And that’s why this is all like so unfair!”
What? Of course, I’m whining! Wouldn’t you?!
Momma squeezes my knee and Daddy just harrumphs into his coffee.
I can’t help but smile when my friends…
What? No not the scum! You know, P.S.T.K.!
Anyway, the band huddles in one section, front and center, and they wave up to me in a fully supportive gesture. I timidly wave back and curse the Borg Queen that won’t let me just transport out of here. It seems I’m a Borg soldier now—fighting a fight I didn’t sign up for.
Resistance is futile… And all that sh…
What? Language. Yeah… Right…
Anyway, the thing is, my Borg technology hasn’t adapted to this throng of enemies’ weapons.
I’m fully vulnerable to hits—even lethal ones. And there are several Klingons that have their disruptors pointed squarely at me. They’re a new type of weapon—set on ‘painful disintegration’. Nothing the Borg have had the chance to adapt to. So, I’m vulnerable.
What? I know I’ve said that! So, believe me, already!
Anyway, I sigh as Ms. Blackthorn, stands up and makes sure the knife she’s put in my back is still firmly seated, then she twists it hard as she goes to the microphone and speaks, “Quiet! Calm down! We’re here to set some things straight. We’re here to talk about Jacie Alexander’s role in this school.”
I groan as she twists the knife even further. I try to get up and run, but the Cardassians flanking me, a.k.a., my parents, twist their knives, as well, as they hold me in my seat.
Ms. Blackthorn continues, “Many of you know Jacie—formerly known as Jimmy. Many of you don’t—or didn’t before she gained infamy through social media. So, if not before, now you do. But, to be crystal clear, Ms. Alexander’s role here in school has not changed from that of Jimmy before—it’s that of any other student. Well, maybe it has changed a little, since Jacie’s is now that of any other female student. She will attend as a girl—with all rights, privileges, and responsibilities of that role. I know many of you don’t understand. Many of you may not agree with her choice. I don’t care. Ask her questions, if you have them. But know that I will not tolerate any sort of bullying.”
She looks around as there is a buzzing of voices—coming more loudly from the festering cesspool of garbage compactor scum, a.k.a., the jocks.
She continues, “In case there are some of you that aren’t from this planet and haven’t been paying attention to the social media feeds—or the school news—let me play you an example of what I will not tolerate.”
She digs the knife in deeper, this time with a brutal twist—nicking my spleen and causing massive internal bleeding—as she nods and the screen above and behind me springs to life with the video of my ‘outing’ at the Goddess.
I simply want to die. I would welcome those painful disruptors disintegrating me, right now. The pain of that evening comes rushing back and I start to see black as the blood rushes out the mortal injury she has inflicted on me with her knife.
The video comes to an end and Ms. Blackthorn calls me to the microphone before the transporter can fully beam me into deep, dark space without a suit—where I can die in peace.
I stumble, literally, to the microphone and blush at the snickering coming from the cesspool.
Ms. Blackthorn takes my hand and says into the microphone, “Let’s be clear. This is cruel and unusual punishment. Not only through the fact that this video exists—or the situation portrayed in the video, for that matter—but, also through the fact that Jacie here has to relive the evidence, again. And relive it in front of all of you.”
She delivers a pregnant pause, then looks straight at me and inquires, “But, I have to ask you, Jacie, can you identify the individuals that were a party to this?”
What? Where did this come from? Like, huh?
I feel the black curtain start to descend as I begin to beam out into space, but then hear a harsh whisper from behind me as Momma hisses, “Jacie! Focus!”
I take a deep breath and say in a barely audible whisper as the curtain recedes, “Yes, Ma’am. Greg Chapman like was the one that convinced Mr. Apollo to let him speak at the Goddess. Mr. Apollo like had no idea what Greg was up to, though. Brad Fleming and Chad Little were the others there that night and like the ones that made the video. I don’t like know who posted it, though.”
Ms. Blackthorn nods and says, “Thank you, Jacie. Now, since the video made its way to the school news site, thanks to the excellent exposé of bullying by our intrepid school reporter, Louise Lane, this has officially become evidence in a case of school bullying. Along with this video, that includes any commentary made on our site—or any that is cross-linked to other feeds from it. We are currently combing through those. Any remarks that can be considered as bullying will result in the appropriate consequences.”
There’s a stunned silence in the auditorium. I’m silenced, along with the scum on the floor. Actually, I think I’m on the floor.
What? No! Not on the floor with the scum—on the floor of the stage! Pay attention, will you?
Anyway, I’m further floored when she continues, “Did I make myself clear, earlier, that we will tolerate no bullying? Mister Chapman, we will talk later, but consider yourself expelled from this school—effective immediately.”
The silence becomes deafening.
She pounds on, “Mister Fleming—it was your account that posted the video. You will join Mister Chapman in his expulsion. Mister Little, you were clearly complicit in this whole ordeal, but there is no clear evidence that you actively engaged in the bullying, so you will begin an immediate four-week suspension, since there is also no evidence that you actively opposed it. That makes you at the very least an accessory to the crime.”
The silence becomes even more deafening. I feel light-headed. I’m floating in space… I’m just not sure if I have a space-suit on. I look down at Jillie and feel the secure and very comforting tug of her tether as she smiles at me.
Ms. Blackthorn continues to pound, “Mr. Thorn and Ms. Sage, you will join Mr. Little in a suspension—effective immediately, you’re both on a three-week one for inflammatory, derogatory, and bullying remarks we have identified. I’m sure there will be more to come.”
The silence begins to break as people begin to realize that this is bigger than just the cesspool. It’s expanding to the pond-scum. No one is safe, including the Harry Mudds of the school…
Ms. Blackthorn lobs the last anti-matter grenade, “Like I said, we continue to look through the posts for other infractions. I can only advise those that have stepped on Ms. Alexander here to seek immediate legal advice, since I have advised her parents to do the same—to seek prosecution of those individuals for their involvement in hate crimes. And we have made permanent copies of all feeds, so any attempt to delete any posts will be a futile effort.”
The buzzing becomes very loud.
She continues to spray them with anti-matter bombs, “Now, I would like the named individuals to come to the front office to receive official notification of their sentences. I expect everyone else to quietly return to class—including our newest student, Jacie Alexander. Please welcome her to our fold!”
She loudly claps and there is a very mixed reaction from the stunned ‘floor’. Many clap and cheer—just as many seem very…worried. Oh, and openly hostile.
The Dominion is alive and well.
This solitary Borg soldier is certainly in trouble.
Then, the Circle rushes up and hugs me. And the guys from the band circle the Circle and glare at anyone that gives me an odd look.
Momma hugs me and Daddy…does, too.
I try and fix my jaw—it breaks when my lower one hits the floor when he hugs me.
Fortunately, I’m Borg…
What? No! I’m not proud of that! But, it can come in handy when you like suddenly need new body parts…
Our lunch period started directly after the impromptu assembly.
What? Of course, I’m still in total shock! What did you think?
Jillie is unabashedly holding my hand—almost sitting in my lap. Barbs is right next to me and glaring at anyone looking our way. Kate, Sara, and Mitsi are the second line of defense—backing up Barbie’s glares.
Then, there’s Chris, Fred, and Sam. While not in the league of the girls with their ‘phasers’ and their ‘kill’ setting, they’re doing admirably well at fending off any male offenses.
I almost can eat.
I just like stare at the salad in front of me, though.
Jillie says, “OK, Hon! You need to like eat something! Do you want me to go get you like something else?”
I sigh and take a nibble of salad, just to get her off my case. I over-chew it, though, and almost gag as I try to swallow it.
I wanly smile at Jillie as I force the macerated nibble down. Once I feel it hit the pool of boiling acid in my stomach, I choke out, “I like appreciate the support, guys, but I feel like I’m the main exhibit on Talos IV…”
I notice the blank stares from everyone.
What? I know! Star Trek novices!
I sigh, “‘The Cage’? Like really? No one?”
More blank stares…
I sigh more deeply, “No matter. Like everyone is staring—or glaring—at me. I’m like…well, a Borg…”
Jillie leans over and kisses me.
What? No, not just a quick smack. A real kiss.
What? My foot? Yeah, it does its best to pop under the table…
I blush even deeper.
Now everyone is staring at me—at us…
What? Yeah, I feel better.
Err…I think…
I sigh as I wonder if my lipstick is messed up. I check out Jillie’s and see hers isn’t—so, mine shouldn’t be.
Like right?
I sigh again and say, “OK, guys. So, I feel like the goat—or was it a sheep—staked out for the T-Rex in Jurassic Park, but that’s not going to change anytime soon… So, I guess we like need to go to class, huh? I mean, do we really? Who wants to like just get out of here…? We could skip class.”
Barbs just nods at going to class and Jillie gives me another breath-taking, foot-popping kiss.
So much for just ‘getting out of here’.
I put my less-than-half-finished salad on the conveyor belt to who-knows-where—the trash compactor where the jocks live, I guess—and we all move towards our next class.
As luck would have it, it’s English—and I have it with Jillie. Oh, yeah, I now sit next to her…
What? Yeah, I remember what Ms. Blackthorn said.
What’s your point?
Anyway, English is strange.
What? No, not the language! The class! Keep up, will you?
Anyway, Jillie and I go in. Well, the other Circle girls also have the same class. We like always have—even when I was here as Jimmy. Now, I’m wearing a skirt and going by Jacie, though. Well, and sitting between Jillie and Barbs. Kate is directly in front of me and Sara in front of Jillie, sitting to the right of me. Mitsi sits directly behind Barbs, to the left of me.
What? Jimmy? He used to sit on the other side of the room… By himself.
Anyway, I’m surrounded by my best friends—and have never felt more vulnerable in my life.
I sweep my skirt and sit down in my seat as Mrs. Hawkins comes in. She looks at me and smiles. I’m not sure if it’s genuine, or not.
She doesn’t publicly acknowledge me—or make a big deal of me being here. At least there’s that.
I get enough stares and glares from the others in class. No one had said anything like out of the ordinary coming in—I’m not so lucky going out, though.
Haley Simpson…
What? Yeah, she’s like Jenn Simpson’s sister.
What? Jenn Simpson? You remember her—the senior hot girl that we went to the mall with? You know, Jennifer!
Anyway, her sister, Haley is a wanna-be hottie—and sorely lacking her sister’s class. Jenn is popular for all the right reasons. Haley is not, because she’s her sister’s antithesis and she exudes all the wrong reasons.
She corners me on the way out of the classroom and says with a sour face, “Well, well, well, Jimmy. You certainly look…disgusting. I certainly hope you’re like happy getting our best athletes expelled or suspended. Now, we’re just a loser school, with a loser hot-girl-wanna-be. And she’s not even a girl.”
Mitsi just looks down her nose and says, “Well, it’s certainly good to know that you’re not a girl, Haley. We’ve always known you’re a wanna-be, just not that you’re a wanna-be girl. I’ll be sure to let your sister know. I don’t think she’s aware.”
Haley just spews poisonous steam from her head and stalks off in a huff.
The Circle—sans me—does a high-five and giggles.
I just deflate and dejectedly follow them to our next class, which is trigonometry. Well, Jillie, Barbs, Sara, and my next class. Kate’s taking geometry and Mitsi’s in pre-calculus, so we split up and go our separate ways, with me sandwiched between Jillie and Barbs. Sara’s leading the way and clearing a path for us.
This is certainly a barrel full of monkeys.
What? Oh, one of Momma’s sayings… It means ‘loads of fun’, or something like that…
Anyway, I’m not sure how I’m going to survive this. Now, girls are starting to go against me, too—at least some of them.
We run into Jenn Simpson right before going into the classroom. She comes over and gives me a hug and says, “Hang in there, Hon. You still have a lot of support—don’t let them get to you.”
I sigh, “Can you tell that to your sister?”
She gives me a questioning look and Jillie explains what had just happened. Jenn gets the same sour look on her face as her younger sister had just exhibited—only hers is in honor of her sister and not me.
She shakes her head and laments, “She just won’t learn. I’ll talk to Momma about her—again—she’ll straighten her out. Not that it’ll stick with Daddy…”
She lets the sentence drop and hugs me again. She gives me a final squeeze, then hurries off to her class.
I sigh and follow Sara into the classroom and find my new seat—between Sara and Jillie, this time. Barbs is in front of us.
Ms. Zweistein comes in and starts the class as if nothing is out of the ordinary. When she calls on me to answer a problem, she just says, “Jacie, please give us the answer to 2b.”
I blush and provide the correct answer and life goes on.
What? No, it’s not ‘To be, or not to be’! Grow up, will you?
Anyway, Haley’s giving me the evil eye. And she seems to be gathering a small following, if the crowd around her after class is any indication.
Just great!
What? No! Not really! Are you crazy?
Anyway, I’m drained by the time I sit down on the bus. I almost forget to sweep my skirt and keep my knees together. Not that Jillie would ever let that happen!
What? Of course, Jillie doesn’t let that happen! What did you think?
Anyway, other than the one event with Haley, everyone else pretty much leaves me alone. Thankfully, she’s not on our bus. But there are some of her seeming new disciples that are—and they’re giving me semi-dirty looks.
I sigh and look at Jillie, “I have a bad feeling about this. Haley’s gaining traction with more and more girls, I think. Sure, they’re mostly freshmen, but, still…”
Jillie just kisses me and Mitsi says, “Don’t worry, Hon. She actually crossed a line today, when she said you aren’t a girl. In terms of your transgender status at school—you legally are. She was just lucky that there wasn’t anyone around to hear it. I texted Ms. Blackthorn, anyway, just so she can check the video feeds.”
I sigh after un-popping my foot from under the seat.
What? Yeah, it’s hard to do sitting in the bus.
Anyway, I un-pop my foot and sigh, “Yeah. Well, I hate to get any more people in trouble.”
Kate says, “Stop right there, Hon! You’re not getting anyone in trouble—they’re like doing that on their own!”
Barbs just nods—emphatically. Sara, who now also rides home with us to join our sessions obviously agrees with the others.
I sigh again—and Jillie gives me another kiss.
The bus comes to a standstill at our stop and we all get off. Study group is at our house, today and Momma is home, having taken the whole day off for our meeting with Ms. Blackthorn.
I know she and Daddy were also going to meet with our family lawyer right after the school meeting. I didn’t even know we had one!
She puts out freshly baked cookies and I grab drinks for everyone, then we get down to business, including catching up on the classes that I missed this morning.
An hour-and-a-half later, my nerves are a little better and I’m caught up. Momma says, “OK, girls. What kind of pizzas shall we order? Rita will be here in two hours to pick up Mitsi, Kate, and Sara, so there’s plenty of time.”
We quickly agree on two large pizzas and side salads and Momma orders them to be delivered. Then she sits down and says, “Well, girls, there’s no reason you can’t all hear this. Jacie’s Daddy and I met with our lawyer, today. She also conferenced in the school’s lawyer.
The three jocks won’t get out of their school-imposed sentences. In addition, we are seeking injunctions against them. We’re not seeking financial damages, except from the Chapmans. The financial damages really only punish the parents and the Flemings and the Littles seem like good parents, whose kids just got messed up with the wrong crowd. The Chapmans are trouble, though—sorry, Jill, but I think you may agree?”
She smiles ruefully and nods, “Yes, Ma’am. I certainly found out their true colors when I broke up with Greg. He certainly hasn’t like strayed far from the trash compactor, as Jacie would say. His Daddy’s a real piece of garbage and I think his Momma’s the spawn of that monster that breed’s in it.” She giggles ruefully, “It’s strange that I never realized it when I was going with him, though. It doesn’t surprise me that he like colored Brad and Chad the wrong way.”
Momma nods—as does Mitsi, Sara, and Kate.
The doorbell rings a few minutes later and Momma goes to pay for the delivery. She returns while I’m passing out new drinks. We all take a piece of pizza and nibble on it.
Mitsi swallows her nibble with a thoughtful expression and inquires, “Cindy, do you think the band could like seek damages, as well? I mean, what he did like had the potential to hurt us, too.”
Momma looks pensive for several chews of her nibble and then she swallows and takes a sip of her drink. Then she says, “That’s a very interesting thought, Mitsi. I don’t have the answer, but we can certainly look into that. The band should have legal representation on retainer, anyway. Since Jacie’s Daddy is your interim manager, he can look into that for you.”
Mitsi nods and says, “Thank you, Cindy. I’m not sure why we would like ever want to replace George as our manager, though.”
She smiles and says, “Well, you want someone who understands the music scene better than he does. He’s a great salesman—and could sell freezers on Hoth, but, he doesn’t know the ins-and-outs of the music business. You need someone that knows what works best for you in that industry.”
Kate says, “That may be, Cindy, but we like trust George to look out for us—not himself.”
She smiles and gives her a hug, “I know, Hon. We’ll figure something out. But, tell me, how did the afternoon go?”
I sigh—she just had to go there. My stomach was just settling down. Now my pizza looks like Gagh, again.
Sara says, “It seemed to be going pretty well until Haley Simpson like did a drive-by attack.”
Momma looks stunned, “Margaret Simpson’s youngest? Don’t you girls get along with her older girl, Jennifer?”
Kate nods, “Yes, Ma’am. We get along great—and so does Jacie. Both the pre-and post-outed version. Haley’s a horse of a different color. Although, like she’s more of a cow than a horse!”
Everyone giggles—even me.
What? It’s like funny!
Anyway, Momma inquires, “So, what did little Haley do to deserve this sentiment?
Mitsi outlines her attack and Momma shakes her head and asks, “Did you girls report this to Ms. Blackthorn?”
Mitsi nods and says, “Jacie like was upset when she found out, but Haley is the perpetrator here. There’s like nothing for Jacie to feel sorry for her about.”
Momma looks at me and asks, “Is that true, Jacie?”
I sigh, “Yes, Momma. I mean, like the jocks got expelled or suspended because of me. I don’t care about Greg, but…”
Momma shakes her head, “You can’t think that way, Jacie. They’re the masters of their own destinies. You did nothing to make them act the way they did. It was their choice. They’re the ones that forced your hand. Do you really feel sorry for them?”
I sigh, “It’s not that I feel sorry for them, Momma. I don’t. But, like I’m getting blamed for their plight—not them. It like sucks!”
Momma exclaims, “Language, young lady!”
I blush but remain otherwise unrepentant.
What? It like does suck!
Momma sighs, “Look, I understand, Hon, but stooping to their level doesn’t help. So, what can I do? I know Marge, I can give her a call…”
Kate muses, “I wouldn’t do that just yet, Cindy. We told Jenn and she’s going to talk to her Momma. Ms. Blackthorn will also check the video feeds to see what was captured.”
Momma nods as Barbs says, “The bigger problem’s that Haley seems to be like gathering a following. She’s long been a wanna-be popular girl, or so I’m told since I’m like still the newbie here. Anyway, if this can’t be like nipped in the bud, there may like be bigger issues headed our way.”
Momma nods and says, “Excuse me girls, I need to give Penny Blackthorn a call.” She looks at me crossly and admonishes me, “Language!”
I cringe as her phasers hit me squarely in the chest. Luckily, they’re only set to ‘stun’. But, my bra is no shield and I feel the strong sting.
I nod, “OK, Momma. OK. Go! Before you break out the photon torpedoes!”
She giggles, in spite of herself, and goes into the living room with her cell phone.
The other girls…
What? For now, they are other girls!
Anyway, the other girls shrug as she leaves. They all agree that my language was like nothing out of the ordinary. I mean, it’s not like I said the F-word, or like anything…
We finish our salads and pizza and I put the rest in the refrigerator, just as Momma comes back in. She says, “Well, Penny wasn’t able to catch the conversation on the video feed. If push comes to shove, she could probably have an expert read her lips. But, she will be monitoring the situation extra-closely. I need you girls to be extra vigilante, too.”
Everyone but me says, “Yes, Cindy! We will!”
I just sigh. My shields are down to maybe ten percent and theirs are like going to quickly wear down, too. I’m not sure how we’re going to survive this new enemy coalition of the Klingons and Romulans.
I may be assimilated, but like I said, I haven’t adapted to the new technologies, yet. I’m clearly vulnerable. I could even still die…
What? I’m repeating myself? You know what, I don’t give a d…
Language? Go! Like leave me alone!
Her warm embrace in return is comforting—my safety tether. I feel like I’m going to get pulled back into deep space without a suit, again. Her lifeline is all that is keeping me sane.
Well, that and the kiss she gives me.
My foot pops and I feel my breath being sucked out of me.
I check; the tether is intact. My foot pops as I check.
I sigh in contentment as she breaks the kiss with her signature ‘smack’ and my foot eventually settles back to the floor. Of course, the simple fact that I can sigh, means that I can breathe.
What? Of course, it could be some Borg technology.
Anyway, I make sure the door is closed and we settle on the bed in a close embrace…
What? No! No more details…
We straighten our clothes and freshen up—well more like redo—our makeup an hour later and go back downstairs.
What? No! I told you no details!
Anyway, Momma is sitting on the couch, watching TV. She smiles knowingly at us and asks, “Feel better?”
I blush.
What? Yeah, so does Jillie.
Anyway, I nod and say, “I don’t know, Momma. Maybe I like made the wrong choice?”
She comes over and gives me a hug, “Give it a chance, Love. It’s still early in the game—and you knew it would be tough going.”
I sigh, “Yeah, but knowing and experiencing are two different things—even if they are closely related. Sort of like Vulcans and Romulans.”
She smiles, “Well, yes, and like I said, it’s not over yet, Hon. It’s likely to get worse before it gets better—but, you have the strongest shields in the Federation.”
I sigh again and say half-heartedly, “Yeah! Damn the photon torpedoes, and all, right?”
She just smiles and hugs me.
I can only frown.
What? I still don’t know whether I’m like doing the right thing, here.
Anyway, Jillie gives me a two-foot-popping kiss and breaks it with her signature ‘smack’. I greedily suck in air, now that the hatch is closed, since she has left me completely breathless with her simulation of deep space when kissing me.
Once, my face is back to a normal color…
What? It was blue from lack of oxygen!
Anyway, once it pinks up again…
What? Pink Tribbles? No… Where did that come from? They’re all gone!
Anyway…
What? Cotton candy? No! Go away!
Anyway, she rinses and repeats. And again…and again… Just like the ‘Energizer-Bunny’. Now, I even feel the stirrings of pink Tribbles, somewhere deep down inside me.
What? Maybe they’re not extinct, after-all!
Anyway, Momma finally just harrumphs and we all giggle. Jillie leaves to walk across the yards to her house—after bundling up, since it’s still Hoth-like outside.
I feel all warm and gooey inside, though—in spite of the blast of cold that hits me as I watch her walk home.
Then the cold sinks in as I think about tomorrow—and another full day of school.
Thanks for everyone’s support!
HUGS!
Shauna
What mainly happens is that there is a stark polarization at school. I’m reminded of the U.S. Congress—two factions that are pulling further and further apart. Soon, they will be so far apart that there will be no overlap at all.
What? Moderates? They’re becoming as rare as pink Tribbles!
Anyway, Haley and Co. have gathered steam. Her faction consists mainly of religious and other zealots, homophobes, and the occasional actual jock supporter.
What? Huh? Pun? No, I don’t…
Oh! I get it! Giggle…
Anyway, a couple of things are pretty clear, by now. First, Haley is getting support—a lot of it—from an outside source. She’s too good at walking a very tight line…
What? Tighter than my eyeliner. What’s your point?
What? Yes, I use a fine-pointed liner. I don’t…
Oh! Go away!
Anyway, she’s walking a line that’s extremely annoying, but stays just on the right side of the rules—and what she’s doing can’t be considered bullying. At least not in an actionable sense.
Personally, I think a good Dominion invasion would serve her right.
Anyway, my suspicion…
What? No, it’s not just mine.
Anyway, the suspicion is that Greg’s parents are helping her out—just to stir up trouble.
What? No, we’re still working on the legal issues between our lawyers. That’ll still take a good while to get settled, though.
Anyway, the second thing that Haley’s actions are causing is a split in her own family. Jenn and her Momma are completely aghast at her actions and ‘beliefs’. Her Daddy is squarely on her side, though, and only helps to keep her stirred up.
So, there’s her growing ‘opposition’ party here at school—one that is becoming increasingly radicalized.
Then there’s the currently still larger faction that is on ‘my’ side.
What? No! I want nothing more than to be left alone.
Borg soldier, remember?
Anyway, ‘my’ side is the one of reason.
What? Of course, we’re the reasonable ones! We’re right, after-all.
Anyway, the group I identify with…
What? OK, then…
The group that crystalizes around me is the one that has issues with a-hole jocks and no issue with TG girls.
What? Language? Yeah. Bite me!
Blame the Borg Queen…
Anyway, in the beginning ‘my’ group is the larger of the two, with a majority of the school sort of neutral. They have an issue with ‘a-hole’ jocks, but not necessarily with all jocks. Most have a laisse-fair attitude towards TG girls, as they view me.
Over these last couple of weeks, though, like I said, things are becoming increasingly polarized. People are picking sides more and more—there is less and less neutral ground.
People gravitating towards ‘my’ side, for the most part, aren’t radical and we are still the larger faction. People on the other side tend to be mostly freshmen and sophomores, although there are a few juniors and seniors. And, like I said, they tend to be idiots.
What? My opinion?! Sure. My life, too! So, what’s your point?
The only relief I get from it all are our after-school study sessions, my personal ‘sessions’ with Jillie, and practicing/singing with the band.
What? The band?
Oh, right. You’re behind… Sigh. I do so wish you would keep up…
What do I say about the band?
Well, overall, we’re doing great. We practice two-to-three times a week after our study sessions, then several hours both days on the weekend. We play Saturday and Sunday nights at ‘The Greek Goddess’—under contract—and we’re still a huge hit there.
What? How did the ‘outing’ affect things?
Oh! Daddy did secure us a lawyer, and we’re exploring our options. Since it doesn’t seem to have caused us much—if any—harm, though, she isn’t sure we have much standing to sue.
Anyway, Daddy is still our interim manager and we’re making good money. Really good money for a high school band that only plays on the weekends. No, we won’t get rich, by any means, but good money is going into my college fund.
Oh, another thing! We made a slight change to our name. Writing ‘P.S.T.K.’ was just getting old. We now are officially known—and are legally registered—as ‘PS2K’.
Word is starting to get out about us, though—and Daddy is trying hard to find a better manager for us. There are just too many Ferengi and Cardassians to be careful of. The ones just out for the money and the others just wanting to stab you in the back.
What? Me?
Yeah. I’m still the ABBA queen—the band jokingly calls me the ‘Disco Doll’, rather than Barbie’s Doll, now.
And when Johnny B. hears us talk about the shi…
What? Language? Go…
Err… Well, anyway, when he hears us talk about the other kind at school, he just shakes his head. Especially, since in the grand scheme of things, it seems to be me against Haley.
What? Borg soldier. Remember?
Anyway, he just chuckles and calls it the ‘Battle of the Bangs’. It’s his inside joke from when I had to fight so hard with my bangs when I first got them—only now applied to this new situation.
What? Yeah. My bangs are epic, now! Much better than Haley’s!!!
What? No, they’re still basically the same as before. Just longer. And I’ve gotten used to them…
Anyway, I don’t think he’s funny, at all.
So, now you’re caught up.
So, to continue with the story…
I sit at my vanity and finish my makeup as I reflect on the last two weeks. I look at my work in the mirror and smile. I look hot. Not that I would have been overly happy with that just a few weeks ago.
What? No, it’s still strange—but I’m getting more used to the idea that I can look hot. Well, and that I can create that look.
I turn my head back and forth in the mirror and closely inspect my work, looking for any flaws. I know that if I have any in the bright ‘evening’ look that I’ve spent the last thirty minutes on, that Jillie will call me on it. If not her, then Kate, for sure.
What? The look?
Well, like it’s colorful, glittery and overstated—both because it’s stage makeup and it’s like supposed to be a sort of retro-but-modern-disco look. The one thing that I’m still not used to are the really long fake eyelashes. I feel like I could knock any attacking Klingons over with the things—simply by batting my eyes and creating a blast of wind.
Anyway, I pick up the dangly little disco balls and put them into the front holes in my ears and wince a little as I do.
What? No, the holes aren’t completely healed yet, so they’re still really tender.
Anyway, I stand up and look at myself in the mirror.
I still can’t believe it’s me looking back from the mirror.
What? What do I have on?
Well, it’s an ultra-short, sleeveless, pink dress. The skirt is pleated and comes just below my panty line. I’ll have to be very careful about flashing the pink, ruffled panties I have on.
What? Of course, I’m carefully tucked—and using a new contraption called a ‘gaff’ to keep me that way. Jillie found how to make it online—it’s made out of old pantyhose. I’ve gotten used to being tucked by now—just not to the gaff ‘flossing’ my butt.
What? The girls tell me I’ll get used to it after a couple more weeks. They all wear thong panties and swear by them.
Anyway, the ‘flossing’ certainly gives my butt more wiggle when I walk—it also makes me squirm when I sit. That’s something that Momma and all the girls get onto me about all the time. At least it’s getting better as I get more and more used to it…
So… Where were we?
Oh! Right! How I’m dressed. The sleeveless, strapless dress also has a pretty deep plunge in the front—you know, to show cleavage.
What? Me? Of course, I don’t like have cleavage. Give me a minute to explain, will you? We’d like make a lot more progress on this story if you’d like stop interrupting!
Anyway, Jillie also talked Momma into getting me these glue-on ‘breast forms’. Momma relented a week ago and ordered them at a store in the mall. After we went there this morning, and I was ‘fitted’…
What? That means they took this like really stinky, gooey glue and spread it on my chest…
What? No! I still don’t have hair on it. Are you going to keep interrupting me?
Anyway, the girl spread this glue-stuff on my chest and then on these huge silicone mounds with like fake nipples on them. After the stuff on my chest and on the mounds was dry, she carefully put the cold, heavy things on my chest and pressed down on them for a minute, or so.
When she stopped pressing down, there was still this noticeable weight on my chest—it was even more noticeable when I sat up.
What? Yeah—we had to take a trip to VS after that to like get me new bras.
What? B-Cups. Why?
What? No, I don’t like want D-cups! Are you frickin’ crazy!
What? Language? Bite me!
Anyway, the edges of the forms are like really thin and the girl put a little makeup on them. They’re like as invisible as I used to be!
What? Yeah…just more Borg parts…
Anyway, the point to that whole story is to say that I now have ‘cleavage’ to show off in the dress.
What? My shoes?
Five-inch, open-toed, pink suede stilettos.
What? Yeah, the weight of the breast forms like really messes with my balance in them.
The other girls just laugh when I like say anything, though.
Anyway, now that you’ve taken me down this side path through Vanity Fair, I really need to get downstairs—the van will be here any minute to pick me up for practice.
I spray a mist of perfume into the air and walk through it on my way out of my room.
I look at the stairs—the pink river down them is now long-gone and I’m like sort of bummed about that. I miss the Tribbles from those days.
The life of the Borg is pretty cold. If not for the life-force that Jillie and the gang give me, I would have to really think about ways to end this dreary existence.
What? No! I’m not talking about suicide, but…
Borg soldier. Remember?
I gingerly step out of the van. Fred is being a real gentleman and helping all of us girls get out.
What? Yeah, I said all of us girls. What’s your point?
Anyway, it’s a little icy and five-inch stilettos may sound helpful…
What? Like the heel could be a good icepick…
They’re not! Did you see them wear them on Hoth? I mean, really?
Anyway, we all safely get inside, walking very gingerly, and I’m like a popsicle when we finally make it to the bar room.
What? Yeah a pink popsicle. What’s your point? What flavor? Strawberry, maybe? I don’t know. Like a give a d…
Language? I’ll show you language!
Anyway, us girls go up to the bar and Apollo smiles at us and hands us each a big cup of steaming hot chocolate.
We thank him with a hug and go to the stage where the guys are finishing setting up.
What? Aren’t there any crowds? No, the restaurant is closed between two and five on weekends to gear up for the evening crowd. That’s when and where we practice on the weekends.
Kate, Sara, Mitsi, and Barbs take extra cups of hot chocolate with them to their guys. Jillie and I just hold hands.
What? Well, we may stop for a quick, hot-chocolate-flavored, foot popping kiss, too.
Anyway, we all congregate on the stage and finish our soul-warming drinks after everything is set up, then we start our practice session.
I wonder if the other Borg know about hot chocolate? I mean the Queen must be monitoring my thoughts, right?
Anyway, against my wishes and loud protests, Barbs and I are now pretty evenly splitting time as the lead singer. I still don’t think that my voice is that great, but the others seem to disagree with me on that point.
What? Learn an instrument? Me? Are you crazy?
Well, I mean the guys have talked me into learning to ‘play’ the tambourine—just to keep up the ABBA image…
Anyway, we go through our set of songs and Apollo…
What? Oh, yeah, calling adults by their first name has become an epidemic of global proportions…
What? Yes, I know that’s a pandemic…
Anyway, Apollo has also insisted we call him by his first name—without any ‘Misters’ attached to it. Mamma doesn’t like even publicly blink anymore when I call adults by their first name—I know it still bothers her, though.
What? Yeah, me too—a little. Although, it like is kind of cool, though!
Anyway, Apollo comes up after our practice set and says, “Great job! You’re getting better and better together. Look, I would like to do an all-disco evening in three weeks. Do you think you could expand your disco-themed repertoire to include more than just ABBA? I know it’s fairly short notice, but…” He lets the sentence drop with a shrug and an imploring look.
Chris shrugs back and looks around at all of us. We just like shrug, too—and nod. Chris looks back at Apollo and says, “We’ll give it our best shot. Any special requests?”
Apollo just smiles and hands him a sheet of paper with a list of songs on it. He says, “It’s no big deal if you can’t do them all; just as many as you can. If push comes to shove, we can supplement the playlist with CDs of the actual artists, but I’d like as much live music as possible.”
Chris takes the list and scans it. He nods, thoughtfully, and says, I think we can cover most, if not all, of these. The problem is getting the sheet music…”
Apollo grins and walks over to a table with a stack of paperback books on it. As it turns out, it’s all sheet music of disco songs. He looks up at us and says, “What can I say? I came prepared.”
The guys laugh and us girls giggle and we all like hurry down to leaf through the songs.
As we’re looking through them, Jeff inquires, “So, Apollo, is there any special occasion? What’s the deal?”
He grins, “Well, my niece is coming to the States to visit me and is huge fan of yours and wants to meet you—especially you, Jacie…”
All of our heads snap up and Chris asks, “How…?”
Apollo laughs, “Well, I may have video-conferenced with her a time or two while you were playing. Anyway, she’s coming over in two weeks and she just loves disco. So, I just thought we should make a bigger deal out of it.”
He winks and continues, “I also have it on good authority that we have a big birthday coming up—a sweet sixteen?”
Mitsi blushes and the rest of us girls giggle.
He says, “Of course, I can’t have you playing for your own party—but there will be a party. That I can promise you! And it will be a good Greek party! I’m sure Aphrodite would love to help me plan it.”
Mitsi blushes even more and all I can think about is that old movie, “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” . I giggle and think about Windex and zits…
Mitsi goes over and gives him a hug and says, “Oh, you don’t like have to do that, Apollo, but thank you for the thought!”
He just gives her a quick squeeze and says, “Of course I do. Aphrodite loves to plan parties and I love to have them—especially for family.” He grins, “And, in case you didn’t know—you’re all family, now!”
We all laugh…
What? Well, yeah, us girls actually giggle—what’s your point?
Anyway, Chris clears his throat and says, “OK, guys! Come on! We need to do another practice set before the crowds start arriving.”
An hour later, the doors open for the evening crowd and people start filtering into the restaurant. The early crowd is mostly a cocktail one and we start our first set with more contemporary songs—which puts Barbs more front-and-center.
What? I already told you I’m fine with that!
Anyway, around seven, we transition to more ABBA—and even sprinkle in some of the songs from Apollo’s playlist for the disco party that we had been able to practice before the restaurant opened.
What? Oh, you know, songs like, ‘Night Fever’, ‘I will Survive’, and ‘Boogie Wonderland’.
What? Yeah, I am lead singer on those.
What? I already told you I don’t think my voice is that great!
What? Well, yeah, the crowd loved it. What’s your point?
Six hours later, the guys pack up the instruments and us girls sit down at the bar and watch.
The guys come sit down with us just as the last of the patrons filter out the front door.
Apollo comes over and gives each of us girls a hug and shakes each guy’s hand. He says, “Awesome night, guys! There should be a hefty bonus based on tonight’s revenue. Now, what can I get you to eat before Arastoo cleans up the kitchen?”
What? Arastoo? Oh, he’s Apollo’s chef…
Anyway, we all let him know what we would like and he hurries off to let Arastoo know.
While he’s gone, we leaf through the sheet music some more and pick out our final selections to practice.
By the time we’re done eating, though, it’s nearly one in the morning and we’re all yawning.
Jeff, who got a late start in school because of age cut-offs, is our driver, since he’s actually eighteen and stands the least chance of causing an issue if the police stop us for any reason.
What? No, of course, they don’t. But you never know, right? I mean the van is in about as good a shape as the Millennium Falcon… Getting pulled over for a flickering taillight is not out of the question.
Anyway, I wearily climb in bed at nearly two and quickly fall into a deep slumber.
I don’t even remember dreaming about Jillie and the hordes of pink Tribbles…
I wake up around ten with a start and think there is something seriously wrong with me—I have this crushing weight on my chest. Then I realize it’s just the glued-on breasts and sigh in relief.
I crawl out of bed and into the shower, where I stay under the steaming water until it runs cold—about forty-minutes…
What? We’re not on Tatooine!
What? Yes, I know we should like still conserve water…
Oh, bosh! Just go away!
Anyway, I finish my quick shower and pad back into my room with a towel wrapped around my chest and covering my ‘breasts’. It’s funny how well they actually do work to hold it up! It still feels funny having the weight on my chest, though. Especially when it sways with every step I take.
I sit down at my vanity and yawn. I put on the bare minimum of makeup, since I’ll just have to ramp it up for tonight.
I tuck and put on some comfy leggings and a large, soft sweatshirt—I think it’s lined with Tribble hair, it’s so soft.
What? O!M!G! Both the leggings and the shirt are pink. What’s your point?
Anyway, I put on some—yes, pink—ballet flats and make my way down the stairs to the kitchen.
Momma is sitting at the counter, sipping a cup of coffee. She gives me one look and just pours me one, too.
I sigh and smile as I take it.
What? Yeah…I’m getting used to it. She lets me drink it on weekends.
I doctor it up with some sugar and cream—nowhere near as much as when I first started drinking it, though. My goal is to be able to drink it black as Darth Vader’s cape.
What? I can’t help it! I watched ‘Stars Wars, A New Hope’, yesterday before getting ready for the gig.
What? Yeah, that one’s still like my fave! The first one and still the best!
What? I know it’s number four chronologically—but it was the first one made. I mean, like everyone knows that! Even the Borg Queen and she’s from an entirely different universe!
Anyway, I sit and drink my first cup of coffee and start telling Momma about the gig last night—and the upcoming disco night. While I’m telling her about it, she makes me a waffle and I pour us another cup of coffee—and then another.
By the time I’m done with my story and my waffle—I’ve had four big cups of coffee and feel rather wired.
I decide to watch ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ before I have to get ready for tonight. I ask, “Momma, you want to watch a movie with me? I would like rather watch it tonight, but, you know how it is with us poor working schlobs…” I giggle as she screws her face into a fake scowl.
Then she can’t help but giggle with me, “I suppose you want popcorn, too? And right after that waffle!”
I nod and go put the movie into the DVD player while she pops the corn.
I cuddle up to her on the couch and press play. I have trouble concentrating on the movie, though. Too many things are running through my head…
As Jimmy, I would often watch movies with my nerdy mom. As a young kid, I would cuddle up to her—but, I haven’t done so in a long time. Cuddled up to her as Jacie, though, seems somehow…well, right.
I take a handful of popcorn and slowly put one piece in my mouth at a time. I barely register the action in the movie as Vader wrecks his havoc.
I look at Momma—and fully realize for the first time that I really am thinking of her as ‘Momma’, now. Not that that’s like inherently a girl thing—but, it’s like something I’ve picked up from the Circle. Just like the ‘like’ that is increasingly becoming a part of my vocabulary and now my thought patterns, too it seems.
I absentmindedly take another handful of popcorn. I continue putting it into my mouth, one piece at a time.
I look down at myself on the couch. I’m snuggled into Momma, my legs tucked underneath me—just like I’ve seen Jillie do a thousand times.
Suddenly, I feel pink cotton candy start to fill my brain again. And Pink Tribbles start to purr in my stomach.
And I’m still not sure if that’s a good thing, or not.
I don’t even notice the movie come to an end…
The gig is a basic repeat of last night—although, we end much earlier, since it’s a school night. Even so, it’s still after eleven before I get into bed.
I lay there, my mind still swirling with the thoughts from my failed attempt at watching a movie with Momma.
Jillie’s goodnight kiss is still fresh in my mind and it only adds to my growing confusion.
I thought I was getting better at this whole ‘being a girl’ thing. I’m fairly certain it’s what I want. I mean, if my formerly repressed memories aren’t as fake as my Borg breasts.
I sigh and wonder what in the world I’m doing. I feel the cotton candy start to spread in my head again and sob into my pillow.
What? I thought it was gone, too!
I carve out a little cavern in the sticky mess in my head with a phaser and put a little square memory chip…
What? Yeah, it looks like a little painted piece of scrap wood…
Anyway, I put it there for safe keeping. I need to remember to talk to Rita about this.
I finally fall asleep and dream about the Borg implants expanding further into my body—becoming more integral to its functioning.
Then I dream of the Queen sending me into battle, like a good little Borg soldier—a true mindless drone just doing the hive’s bidding.
I’m groggy as I stumble down the steps for breakfast. I did not sleep well.
What? I don’t know what’s causing it! You don’t think I would fix it if I could? O!M!G!
Momma puts oatmeal down in front of me—and a cup of coffee, which surprises me!
I look at her, the surprise showing, and ask, “Is there a Death Star coming our way? A Romulan invasion? Galactus?”
Momma giggles, “No, silly. You’re almost sixteen and drinking it on the weekends, anyway. It’s also clear that you need something! Are you not feeling well? Betty called and Jill is sick today… Oh, and I got a text, your bus is going to be a little late.”
I shrug and take a sip of the coffee—black—and grimace. I take another and my shoulders give an involuntary shake. I sigh, “I like don’t know what’s wrong, Momma. I like had these weird dreams… I like feel like I’m losing myself. The longer this like goes on, the worse it’s getting.”
I take another sip of the bitter, black brew and shudder, then say before she can ask, “And, like yes, I’ve made a note to talk to Rita about it.”
Momma nods and replies, “OK, Hon. I know it’s an adjustment for you. Maybe we should have waited on the breast forms?”
I shudder, albeit a little less, as I take another sip of coffee. I take a nibble of oatmeal to cut the bitter taste. I swallow and shudder again, since the taste of the coffee is still dominating my taste buds. “I don’t know, Momma,” I reply. “Maybe I’m just tired. Or maybe I am coming down with something.”
Momma’s phone chirps, letting her know she has a text. She checks it and frowns, “Hmmm. Your bus is already ten minutes late and is going to be much later. A flat tire, or something. I guess I’ll just have to take you and drop you off my way to work. Come on, finish up! I’m already running late, now too. And why, in the name of Isis, aren’t you putting anything in that coffee?”
What? No! Not ‘Isis’ the terrorists! ‘Isis’ the Egyptian goddess. I told you Momma was a nerd—you know ‘Isis’, the old TV show?
No? Well, look it up! I don’t have time to educate you—or I’ll be late for my education!
Anyway, I shrug, “I want to learn to drink it black as Vader.”
Momma’s eyebrows disappear under her bangs and she just shakes her head.
I drain the cup of it’s bitter brew and shudder violently—but I do it! I drink it all!
I feel the acid churning in my stomach after the coffee burns its way down my throat, but I do my best to ignore it as I go up to brush my teeth and check my makeup.
Momma drops me off a block from the school parking lot and I start to make my way towards it to cut through the cars parked in it. The bell is just ringing and the last of the students are rushing in.
I should just make it before the tardy bell.
I’m lost in dark thoughts about my dreams when my path is suddenly blocked before I actually step foot onto school property.
I look up and see a Klingon glaring at me.
What? No, not a real Klingon! I know I fantasize about them, but this is some guy wearing a Klingon mask.
I look around—there’s not a soul in sight. Everyone else is already inside…
Thanks for everyone’s support!
HUGS!
Shauna
I look at the figure and stand frozen in abject fear—and exasperation.
Something is not right.
What? Of course, a person standing in my way, wearing a Klingon mask isn’t right! That’s not what I mean!
That never happened. I mean, I think it didn’t. My subconscious is telling me that this isn’t right.
I’m like totally confused and don’t know what’s going on…
That doesn’t stop my abject fear from completely paralyzing me. I can’t move. I can’t run—in either direction. Not away from the figure and not towards it either. My heart is pounding. I want to scream!
Why would Momma drop me off alone and in the open like this? It makes no sense!
More than confused—I’m like hurt.
What? No! No I’m not bleeding or anything. I mean psychologically hurt! Duh!
I’m likely going to die because my mother abandoned me to the enemy—there’s no amount of Borg technology that will protect me in this situation.
I feel betrayed; stabbed in the back—again. My mother turned out to be a Cardassian, after-all…
I steel myself for the death shot. I can’t move, so I may as well just give into the fact that I’m going to die.
I wish I could say that I get all Zen and accept my fate with cool calm.
No, nothing like that, at all. I like totally freaked and my heart is racing!
Just as I know the end is here, the figure makes a surprise move and starts to pull its mask off.
Then…
I hear the ‘snap’ of someone’s fingers and I blink just as I catch the briefest of glimpses of the figure’s face and gasp.
I blink again as I am suddenly transported from the scene into a somehow familiar room.
I’m thoroughly confused and I’m sure my Borg technology is failing. Whether it’s still functioning enough to save me, or not, is up for grabs, right not now. There’s no like doubt, however, that it’s certainly faulty. But it seems to have somehow transported me out of there.
I feel myself start to hyperventilate—still certain this is the end as I struggle to breathe. I don’t trust anything that I see—or think is real, right now. Everything seems…off… Wherever I am is probably still just as dangerous.
I feel someone press a bag up to my face. I breathe in and out into it…
I feel light-headed and see spots in front of my eyes. In spite of the bag over my face, I still feel panicked!
In and out…
The spots get dimmer and I feel the beginnings of a light headache behind my eyes.
In and out…
Slowly, my vision clears and the pressure from the newly-formed cotton candy clogging my brain starts to lesson.
Ever so slowly, reality becomes clearer and the world comes back into focus.
I look over at the two females sitting in the room with me and slowly push at the well-manicured hand holding the paper bag over my face.
I actually glare at them and almost have to start using the bag again.
I sigh and feel my glare at Rita and Gina soften as I lose my focus on them and refocus on my breathing. I take a deep and very shaky breath, then shake my head to try and break apart the still very real-feeling cotton candy that continues to thoroughly clog it up with fuzzy thoughts and sticky uncertainty.
I slowly start remembering what was actually going on and feel…pissed…
Rita looks at me intently and with obvious concern. She was obviously the one that had pressed the bag to my face, since she is right there and ready to press it to my face again at a moment’s notice. Not to be outdone, though, Gina is ogling me with palpable consternation. Rita is holding my trembling hand and I fight the urge to jerk it loose so that I can ball up the paper bag and throw it at them!
She quietly lets go of my hand and hands me a tissue. I blot my brow—it’s covered with a cold sweat. My heart is still pounding, but reality continues to slowly eke its way back into my consciousness as the terrifying scene just as slowly fades from my mind.
I continue to fight the urge to crumble the paper bag—but I honestly don’t know if I will like actually need it again.
I curse the Borg Queen—or is that Queens?—that has—have?— just invaded—no violated—my mind. I find my center of focus once again and glare at the two in front of me with unvarnished and swirling emotions. I lose the battle with myself and loudly crush the bag in a fit of rage.
Finally, I break the further silence that is still permeating the room, “Well, that was interesting—not! Remind me to politely, or otherwise, decline your invitation to like hypnotize me next time you want to.”
I feel myself start to shake again—less in fury now, but more because of unspent adrenalin vacating my body after prepping my body for a futile fight or flight situation.
One that wasn’t even close to real. Did I mention that I am pissed? If not—well, I am!
That was terrifying! My heart starts pounding again, just thinking about it.
Gina shakes her head and says, “I think we got enough out of that session for ten psychiatry students to write their dissertations. We need to talk about some of the immediate things, then Rita and I need to confer—and then we’ll all three need to reconvene and talk some more.”
I sit there, seething. I about sh…err cra… err…pooped in my pants and all she can think about are dissertations?
I don’t get a chance to retort in a less-than-respectful manner before Rita takes my hand again and says, “I think we made some real progress here, Hon. I know you don’t think so—but there was some powerful stuff in there.”
My roiling blood doesn’t settle.
I shake my head—it still like feels fuzzy with cotton candy—and get my chance now to retort, “Powerful? I don’t get it! I like only recounted what has happened since I went to school the first time as Jacie. You know what happened—even if I was supposed to act like you didn’t! We’ve gone over it all again and again before, in our sessions. The only thing that I like don’t get was there at the end with the Klingon. That never happened! And it like freaked me out!”
There! I showed them! Phasers set to full!
What? I know it’s a lame response—but, I’m like honestly still totally freaked out!!!
Gina seems to be oblivious to my freaked-outness and just nods. Rita also seems to be in La-La-Land and simply gets up and goes to the small refrigerator in her office. She pulls out a Diet Pepsi and hands it to me with the question, “Unless you’d rather have coffee? I just love hot coffee on a cold day, don’t you?”
I want to explode in frustration, but like forcefully blow the air out of my lungs and shake my head.
Coffee? Really? Who… I mean…it does sort of sound good…
I grimace and open the Diet and the pop of the can opening is reminiscent of what I feel like my head should be doing—letting off a ton of pressure before it explodes and sends cotton candy into space.
I take a big gulp of the Diet while she refreshes their coffee, but it like somehow doesn’t taste right. I notice the coffee smells really good, though. Something isn’t right…
Again.
Before I can process that, though, Gina says, “Ok, Hon. Just settle your nerves. I know you have questions, but let’s start at the beginning, shall we? We’ll get to that scene at the end in a bit. I have some ideas, but I want to let them percolate a little before I come to any sort of final conclusions.”
Rita just nods and takes a sip of her coffee after blowing the steam in my direction.
I get a strong whiff of the steam and suddenly the siren song of hot coffee short-circuits my Borg implants and they betray me. It just smells so good and I like just have to have some.
What? I have no idea why? I feel like some addict that needs her fix. I am actually salivating—like some sort of Pavlov’s dog!
What? Oh…yeah… I like did just say ‘her’…
Huh! Like whatever!
Anyway, I sigh, totally confused. I don’t know what’s going on in my brain, right now and it pushes me further into the abyss of unknown—and terrifying—deep space. To take my mind off of those paralyzing thoughts, I focus on my immediate need and ask, “Rita, could I have some coffee, too? I appreciate the Diet, but… Umm, I like just have this sudden craving for coffee.”
She looks surprised—well, sort of— and shakes her head as she inquires, “So, that was a true part of your story? Cindy really lets you have coffee? But you actually like it—contrary to what you recounted in your story? That was there at the end where things were getting muddled with what I know to be true. You had me a tad bit confused. I mean you seemed to not really like it, no?”
I pinch my eyes and squeeze them hard to keep the pressure from blowing them out of my head. Where is the real Deanna Troi when you need her? I thought they were like here to help me?! I’m like so confused, right now! All that is happening here is that I’m getting more and more confused!
I shrug and retort, “Well, no. I mean, at least not like in the way that I remember telling it, just now. Like, she does occasionally let me have some, though. I’m not sure why I’m craving it now… This is like all so weird! It’s got me freaked out, to be honest!”
Gina seems ever-so-slightly amused—although, she is trying really hard to hide it—and I hear the whine of a phaser overloading—it must be my head getting ready to explode.
She seems to get herself under control and her face turns into a blank mask as she innocently says, “I think it would be OK to let you have some—you obviously had a craving for caffeine while you were under hypnosis and folded that into your dream. Now, that craving you crafted under hypnosis is just carrying over to a craving in reality. It’s like we told you before we put you under, hypnosis is sort of like a guided dream—but we can only guide you so far. Just like with any navigation system, you’re still at the helm of the dream.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose again. I’m sure the pressure is going to have me hemorrhaging cotton candy again. I thought I was immune to CC-Bola after my last bout with it.
Navigation system? I’m pretty sure I just got transported to the Voyager right as it was thrown into the depths of the Delta Quadrant. What good is a navigation system now that we’re nowhere in the known universe?
Rita fights a smirk and hands me a cup of freshly poured coffee.
I’m beginning to feel like the butt-end of a bad joke to the them. I give her an acidic glare and take the cup with a mumbled ‘Thanks’. I take a sip of the vile liquid—black as Darth Vader’s cape—just like in my ‘dream’. And, just like in my dream, I grimace like a Klingon dreaming of Tribbles and give an involuntary and uncontrollable shudder.
I withhold the Klingon curse that threatens to come to my lips and once again wonder what is going on with me.
What? They wouldn’t understand the curse, anyway! No more than I understand what on Hoth is going on with me. Craving this vile scum isn’t helping my confusion any! It’s not like I need to wake up…
Or do I? Am I still dreaming?
I pinch myself and hiss at the pain.
Rita gives me a questioning look and nods towards the cream and sugar with a knowing grin. I get the feeling she’s taunting me, but I just stare at the coffee resolutely and take another sip—as if it’s some life-sustaining elixir.
I shudder uncontrollably again. I think they may feel the shockwaves hundreds of miles away. There may be imminent tsunami warnings…
It’s the strangest sense of déjà vu. But, something is like compelling me to drink it.
What? Like I can’t help myself—it’s just so good.
I shudder again. This more like an after-shock, though.
I look into the ebony depths of the cup and feel like I’m staring into a distillation of my current mood.
Again, before I can really process the contradictions this whole thing elicits, Rita jumps in, “So, there are a couple of basic things that I noticed as you were recounting your story. As you know, we took you back about two months—to the first day you went to school as Jacie and had you relate what has transpired as if we had no knowledge of the events. The first big thing I noticed, is that you would often get really agitated if we would ask you any sort of follow-up or follow-on questions. Your language would, at times, get a little rough—and you certainly didn’t like it if we called you on that.”
I look at her, still like totally confused, and hiccup in frustration.
What? They have an issue with my ‘language’? I’ll show them language!
I stare harder into the cup and could swear that it just got blacker! The liquid must be a mirror of my soul. I’m getting pretty convinced of that!
Before I can further react, though, she winks and takes a sip of coffee, then continues, “The second thing I noticed is that you were—mostly—short and concise with your statements. For the most part, they were devoid of any emotion—almost clinical in nature.”
I blink. I mean… Umm…
Huh? Like, I have emotions!
What? I do.
Err… Right? What is this I’m feeling right now—if not emotional? I mean I was just talking about how my mood is as black as the coffee. That I’m confused. That I was—still am—terrified.
Those like don’t count? Really?
Gina jumps in, “Except when we would ask questions, as Rita already mentioned.”
I feel my face burn! They need to get over this issue of them interrupting me—they were wanting me to tell the story, after-all! How was I like supposed to that with all of those interruptions?
Wait! I’m pissed! That’s like an emotion! Right? Right?
Rita nods and continues, “The third thing I noticed, is that you seemed to struggle with yourself when you got more emotional—you would default to your more clinical ‘self’ and would quickly return to it when you seemed to stray from that path.”
I blink and then look hard at Rita to make sure she hasn’t turned into a Cardassian—or worse. She’s like portraying me as some sort of robot. I’m not Data… Have I really become an emotionless Borg drone?
What? I’m human, dammit! Not some android or cyborg controlled by others. I mean just because I let kids keep me from wearing panties so long ago doesn’t mean…
Oh…
What? I didn’t say I agree! I just like sort of see what she is saying.
Anyway, Gina just nods with pursed lips.
I deflate—semi-defeated—and sigh as Rita asks, “Does that make sense, Jacie? Do you agree with what I just outlined? Is that you?”
I take a sip of the still-steaming coffee and shudder. I’m not sure which is steaming more—me or the coffee. I’m like also still not really sure why I’m drinking the shudder-inducing pond scum, to begin with.
Perplexed, pissed, and…intrigued, I further ponder her question as I take another shudder-inducing sip.
I contemplate and sigh.
I look at the same angles and from a different direction sigh again.
Try as I might, I still come to the same conclusion—I am human and I have emotions. I just don’t like showing them because that has always been a recipe for disaster as a guy. I decide to deflect.
What? It like makes the most sense! I know they won’t take silence as an answer for much longer.
I retort more than a little petulantly, “I guess what you were saying like makes sense, but I don’t know how to answer whether that like describes me, or not. Isn’t that like what you are supposed to tell me?”
Both Rita and Gina laugh and Rita exclaims, “Touché!”
I giggle in spite of myself and sip more pond scum—although, it’s beginning to taste more like warp reactor coolant now.
What? That’s an upgrade! What did you think? At least coolant fluid has a purpose! What good is pond scum?
What? An android should know that? Go away! I’m human dammit!
Anyway, Rita takes a sip of her own pond…umm…warp reac…ummm…coffee and like seems to reflect on my, …well…my accusation, a moment and then says, “OK, let me see if I can put this in your terms…”
I look at her and feel the pressure in my brain increase. I’m not sure if it’s cotton candy—or something much worse.
My terms? Why wouldn’t she do that in the first place? Is she like calling me stupid, or something?
She takes another sip of…coffee and then slowly starts, “So, let’s see… In Star Trek, Mr. Spock is half-Vulcan, half-Human, right?”
Spock? What does he like have anything to do with…?
I cough, surprised, and nod—completely baffled about where this is like going. I’m sure the consternation is visible on my ‘unemotional’ Borg face as I stare at her like she is the Borg.
She mocks me with a ‘stupid face’ and smiles, “Bear with me. So, he was raised on Vulcan and trained to take a place in the Vulcan Science Academy. He was conditioned from early childhood to embrace logic as a way of life—to repress his emotions. But he innately had them—as any other Vulcan would. The difference being that his mother often would encourage him to make use of them. Are you with me, so far?”
I want to be snarky, I really do. I know that’s not the best course of action, though, so I simply nod.
For now…
What? Of course, I’m still like highly confused!
Anyway, she smiles and nods as she continues, “Now, back to you. What I’m about to say is highly stereotypical and not what I believe, but it will illustrate my point, OK?”
I nod and smirk as I feel my eyes cross with impatience as to where this going.
What? The smirk? She just admitted that she’s flawed! So what if I have ‘emotional’ issues?
Anyway, she continues, “So, in your case, you were raised from early childhood as a boy—and discouraged from exhibiting any sort of feminine behavior. Not so much from your parents, but from your peers. Much like Vulcans are discouraged from allowing their emotions to rise to the surface.”
I feel the cotton candy expand in my skull and squeeze my brain. I nod slowly at her questioning look, but want to say something snarky so badly. The problem is that I actually am following her.
And I’m not sure I like where this is going—even if I still don’t know where that is.
She nods back and continues, “So, this is the stereotypical part. Boys or—more accurately—men tend to be less emotional, while girls, in general, tend to embrace their emotions more and even use them to their advantage. Again, I’m not saying that’s always the case, but that’s sort of the prevailing opinion. Am I right? You know—Guys are the Vulcans and girls are the Humans in this case.”
I look at her suspiciously. I sense a Klingon trap, but can’t deny her words and so I nod. I am, however, still lost as Voyager in the Delta Quadrant.
Rita ignores my confounded look and my steadfast silence. She plunges on, “So, this is where it gets a little complicated, but I think you’ll be able to keep up.”
She winks…
I feel like throwing up.
What? Maybe it’s the pond scum? It couldn’t be her affront on my intelligence, now could it? Of course, the desire to throw up also couldn’t be emotions, right?
Anyway, she continues, “OK. Spock had a choice to make, right? He ultimately chose sort of a hybrid solution to fit his hybrid nature. He was born with both Vulcan and Human traits and was raised being pulled in both directions—even if Mother usually ‘played nice’ and let the Vulcans heavily influence his psyche. Ultimately, though, he spurned the Science Academy and joined Star Fleet to make it work as best he could. Even so, he still chose logic over emotion in the end. The thing is, you see, that Vulcans can’t completely ignore their emotions, right? They undergo ‘pon-far’ every seven years.”
I nod, still not getting it. Pon-far? I mean that’s common knowledge—but what’s that like got to do with me? It’s not like I’m about to go into a murderous rampage if I don’t have sex…
On the other hand, I do feel a little like I am about to enter pon-far and strangle her. Maybe just not kill her…
Nope! At least it won’t be a murderous rampage!
She forges on, unfettered, and the few surviving, but endangered Tribbles in my head hungrily start eating the abundant cotton candy that’s clogging it up, “If we apply that to you, then you were born a genetic male—but, at the very least, with strong female tendencies; but, more likely, fully transgendered. That means you have a choice to make, like Spock. And, like Spock, you’re struggling with that choice—especially when your ‘other’ nature rises up and exhibits itself. The one that you have so long been conditioned to suppress.”
I blink and a familiar star—our Earth’s sun—in the alpha quadrant pops up on the navigation computer, but it’s still like 70,000 light years away—roughly seventy-five years at warp ten.
What? I mean it like actually makes a little sense. Well sort of—in a warped sort of way.
What? No! Not ‘warp’ like in ‘warp engine’! I mean, like really?
Gina perks up and nods enthusiastically. It’s her turn to take over the conversation, “I see where you’re going with this, Rita. I’ve said before, I’m not a Trekkie, but I’m still following you. That was a genius analogy. So, if I understand what you’re saying, the dichotomy that Jacie is showing is akin to that likeness. The clinical Jacie—or, the logical one, using your analogy—is her conditioned male side. And the emotional side she exhibits is her repressed female one!”
I look back and forth between the two—at the moment I like really can’t fathom what planet they must be from. It can’t be an advanced one, though! What was the name of that one that the Enterprise visited at the beginning of ‘Into the Darkness’? You know—where Spock goes into the volcano and Kirk gets demoted…
What? Of course, the rebranded Star Trek movies aren’t as good as the old ones! But, that doesn’t mean I won’t watch them. I just don’t remember the details as well…
What? Why did I think that to begin with? This whole gibberish is very akin to balderdash—not to mention outright witchcraft. Those aborigines on that planet would be idolizing these two by now. Back in Salem, here on Earth, I think they would like be burning at the stake!
Of course, the Borg Queen whispers in my mind that there is no such thing as witchcraft and that would be just another witch hunt…
Anyway, Gina continues to nod to herself and continues to dominate the session for a minute, “So, Jacie, under hypnosis, you still exhibited your strong male conditioning as your ‘default’ mode—but at times you went through this ‘pon-far’-thing and your ‘female’ emotions took over. I agree with Rita—that’s a very stereotypical representation, but a very effective way to portray it.”
I’m close to screaming! Who cares about stereos? Who listens to mono, anymore! Can you even like still get it? Well…maybe the cheaper Bluetooth speakers, but…
What? That’s what you use? Really? Ummm… I have some Borg technology that I can ‘donate’ that will certainly help…
Rita nods, “So, now to the Borg.”
I do a double-take and she giggles.
What? Maybe she can read minds! I think she must be part Betazoid, after-all! And like why does everything always have to come back to the Borg?
I sigh and feel drained.
Gina refreshes everyone’s pond scum…err…coffee and Rita continues after I take another shudder-inducing sip of piping-hot pond sc…err…coffee. “There are two main species that suppress emotion on Star Trek, the Vulcans and the Borg. Although, technically, I guess the Borg aren’t really a species—and, well, the Queen has emotions. But, anyway, I digress…”
I sigh as I think about the Queen. She certainly does have her emotions—and she keeps forcing them on me. Although, that’s not normal for just any drone. She must be taking a special interest in me… Am I the new Piccard? He escaped the whole mess.
So, can I?
Rita shrugs and takes a sip of coffee after blowing the steam off of her cup in my direction—causing me to have another uncontrollable urge to take another sip myself.
She continues, seemingly oblivious to the effect on me, “The main difference is that it’s the Vulcans’ choice, while it’s forced on the Borg drones.”
I nod to show my understanding, but, in reality, I’m once again thrown further into the Delta Quadrant. I am starting to have problems focusing on this whole thing. My mind starts to wander, but I do my best to act like I’m paying full attention.
What? I can’t show weakness now! I don’t like understand a frickin’ word she’s saying?
What? Are you really going to start on that ‘language’ thing again?
OK, then! I like thought not!
Jillie wants me to get that pair of boots with the four-inch heels, but they just didn’t feel right…
Rita plunges on and sort of half hear her, “You seem to be identifying more with the Borg than with the Vulcans in that regard. I don’t think that’s a fluke—you’re sub-consciously processing the suppression of your female side as forced. And rightfully so—just like a Borg drone would if the Queen would allow them to process it, that is. Anyway, that suppression is so ingrained in you now that when it’s being removed, you perceive that as by force, as well. Just like a Borg drone would inherently resist the removal of its implants.”
Wait! What? I watch my eyes blow through the glass in the window from the antimatter-explosion in my head. Even just paying half attention blew my mind completely. Just think if I had been paying full!
I can’t help myself, a very astute response escapes my lips. “Huh?”
Gina giggles, “I get it, Rita. Jacie, you feel as if the choice to be a girl was taken from you when those kids taunted you, so long ago. That forced you into the repression of those memories and the suppression of your true inborn female self. That then became your new norm—just like when a person is ‘assimilated’ by the Borg and they embrace the hive mentality. Now, that your free will has been returned to you—like when the Borg implants are removed from a drone and the hive mentality is neutralized—you don’t know how to deal with reality. Your mind defaults back to its ‘comfort zone’—its conditioning—and you think it’s being forced on you.”
I see that dim star again and know that I’m back to just seventy-five years away from home—if I can maintain warp ten in the right direction. That’s a very big ‘if’ though.
What? I’m not saying I agree with their cra…ummm, animal excrements—but, at least I’m starting to see the path they’re following.
Or—at least I think I am. This whole thing is still giving me a headache, though. I think I can cross off becoming a shrink from my list of dream jobs. You have to be too sadistic…
Rita blows more coffee-scented steam my way and I have the urge to take another sip of my own pond sc…err, coffee.
She nods in thought and takes the conversation back over, “So, you see, Jacie. Your clinical—or logical—delivery is just your sub-consciousness at work. The session clearly showed your dichotomy and inner turmoil. It also clearly shows that you still have a long way to go to be comfortable in your skin. I don’t think that’s news to you—or us, for that matter—though.”
I feel my nose scrunch up and I reach up to pinch it. I really want to scream right now. I feel my face start to burn and the pressure in my head sky-rockets.
What? I’m frustrated! I went through all of this and all they get out of it is that I’m not ‘comfortable in my own skin’?
I cool the phasers that are powering up in my eyes and sigh deeply. I also hold my tongue—for now.
Barely. Anything I would say would not be like productive.
Not that anything in this session has been!
Gina looks at me with seeming understanding and adds, “I know you think this was somehow wasted effort.”
I catch my eyes before they leave again. I guess she must be part Betazoid, too.
What? My face? Yeah that could like be a dead giveaway, I guess.
She continues on, oblivious to my inner musings, “I promise you it wasn’t. Rita and I learned a lot about you that we wouldn’t have, otherwise—now we can work on a better plan to help you on your personal trek.”
I blink. Was the supposed to be a pun? I barely keep the groan from escaping my lips. Of course, I think my face screwing up into another grimace may be another giveaway…
She takes a sip of her coffee and hides a slight grin behind her cup, then turns serious again and continues, “And I want to comment on one specific statement that you made—which should accurately reflect your memory of the actual conversation. You are not ‘so screwed up’ that you ‘need two shrinks’. How you’re processing this is a very normal reaction to what you’ve gone through, young lady. Am I clear on that?”
I feel my face turn bright pink as the cotton candy forces itself back into my head and nod.
I don’t feel any better, though. I’ve still been attacked by the Klingons, knifed in the back by the Cardassians, sold by the Ferengi, and assimilated by the Borg. How is that supposed to make me feel?
What? Oh… Yeah, I guess that’s her point…
Who wouldn’t need two shrinks?
Like, huh!
Rita chimes in again, “Absolutely! I’ll also add that I won’t mention your language usage to your Momma. However, I don’t want to hear any of it again. Am I clear, young lady?”
I can’t help myself, “Bite me!”
What? No, I don’t say it—but I certainly think it! That’s good enough, right?
I do, however, blush deeper and hold my tongue. My reflexive response would likely not suit me well, here, so I just nod. I can barely reign in my phasers, though.
Rita registers my annoyance and blows more steam my way—I take another sip of coffee. I don’t shudder—as much—anymore.
I let the bitter acid settle in my stomach and chew furiously on the inside of my cheek.
What? No, it doesn’t taste like cotton candy!
After a few seconds of complete silence in the room—and me still thinking about those boots—I inquire about the one thing that really bothers me about the whole episode, “But what about that part at the end? Momma abandoning me on my own like that—and the Klingon mask?”
What? I want to know! That part really bothers me. Who cares if the Betazoid witches that conjured up the scene have to try and explain it to me?
Gina nods and says, “I may not be a Trekkie, but I am a Star Wars fan. You mentioned watching it lately in your recounting. I assume that’s factual?”
My head jerks around to her so hard I feel the cotton candy rattle in my brain.
What? I know cotton candy shouldn’t rattle—unless it’s old and hard…
Anyway, that non-sequitur leaves me so confused that the familiar star is like quickly shrinking in size again as I’m thrown back deeper into the Delta Quadrant. This one lightyear forward, ten lightyears back thing in my understanding is getting monotonous.
I almost forget to nod that it’s correct that I had been watching ‘Star Wars’.
What? There is no crime in liking both!
She nods, “I’m going out on a limb here, but did you by any chance catch a glimpse of who was under that mask before we woke you up from the session? I think you may have…”
My mind forcefully returns to those last moments of my dream state and I blush as I see the face as plain as day.
I timidly nod. I like really don’t want to go down that galaxy and try to hide behind the steam escaping from my own coffee, but it just stabs me in the back and entices me into taking another sip.
I struggle with the revelation and fight the confession that will have to come to get any sort of answers. If I hide the truth and tell a lie, it won’t do any good.
Err, right? Saving face here is not the wise course of action. Right?
I give in and sigh. I take a deep breath and blow it out as I say in a resigned and confused tone, “It was, ummm… Well, it was… Me…”
She nods, “As I postulated. I want you to understand that this is just a working hypothesis, Jacie—I want to discuss it more with Rita. There’s actually a lot the two of us need to discuss—then the three of us after that.”
I nod impatiently. I feel my whole body shaking with fear, anticipation, and anger at her stalling. Who cares about the long list of possible side effects? I mean this is as annoying as those drug advertisements on TV!
“Don’t take XYZ if you are allergic to it…”
I mean, like duh!
Anyway, I really want to shout, “Get on with it!”
I feel my phasers powering up to the ‘kill’ setting but hold my tongue and my phasers—for now. I take a sip of coffee, instead.
What? I don’t know why! Haven’t we already established that? At least I’m not allergic to it!
She smiles as she watches the emotions play across my face. I want to set my phasers loose, but then I wouldn’t get an answer!
Finally, she continues, “Do you remember when Luke went into the cave on Dagobah? How Darth Vader turned out to be Luke? I think this is a similar thing—only your fear is not the Dark Side—not as Luke would see it, anyway. Your fear is setting your emotional ‘female’ self free. What’s more naturally emotional than a Klingon? You were basically telling yourself you’re your own worst enemy. Our questions about your emotional state at the end of the session prompted you down that path.”
My eyes widen and I chase them down as they escape and try to get back to familiar territory ahead of me.
What? It must be some part of their evolving Borg technology—being to finally escape again. Anyway, the familiar star is getting larger, again—maybe down to just seventy years at warp ten, now…
Could that be right? I mean it sort of makes sense. This whole session has become so weird—Psychology by the word of Kirk and Vader…
I feel my head nod slowly and I say pensively, my thoughts still in a turmoil, “But what about Momma basically throwing me to the Klingon…? Myself, if that’s what you’re saying? How does that make any sense?”
Gina hits me dead-center with a photon torpedo, then follows it up with her ship’s phasers set to ‘obliterate’. I can’t tell if hers is a Klingon ship, or friendly fire, though.
She responds, “Remember when we said you perceive yourself as a Borg drone that is being ripped from the hive and you’re fighting to stay, because it’s all you know—or remember. Basically, it’s what you’re most comfortable with?”
I nod—the star is fading again. I get the feeling I’m not going to like where she’s going. I am literally running out of steam, though, and can’t find the energy to get my phasers loaded.
She keeps relentlessly pounding my useless shields with her weapons, “Well, your subconscious self is blaming your Momma for your plight. She’s the one that originally put the thought in your mind that it’s OK to wear girls’ panties after your repressed memories were jogged loose. That is the point from which everything else sort of snow-balled and has thrown your life into the Delta Quadrant. I think you owe your Momma an apology. It’s not her fault, Sweetheart! You know she would never throw you to the wolves—Klingon or otherwise.”
I don’t even catch the Delta Quadrant piece as the volley of photon torpedoes hit me square in my Borg breasts and blow through them with a horrific blast to pierce my heart and shatter it.
What? I know she’s like right. I mean—it suddenly makes sense!
What? No, I didn’t say I like it—at all…
I feel all anger drain from me into space—left behind at warp ten.
I blink twice as I sit there, completely emotionally obliterated—and start sobbing.
Rita takes me into a tight hug and lets me cry it out.
After several minutes of uncontrollable sobbing, I push back from Rita and use the tissue she hands me to wipe the tears from my face and eyes. My makeup may be waterproof, but I know it’s completely ruined by the fact that a large portion of it wipes off on the new handful of tissues she gives me to replace the soaked and disintegrating first one.
What? Of course, I have an emergency makeup kit with me. What did you think? Kate would have my pretty little Borg-infested head on a silver platter, if I didn’t! I don’t get what your point is, though? Like I should be worried about that, right now? It was simply an observation!
Oh…right… Clinical thinking again…
Anyway, a thought hits me and I ask, maybe just a little petulantly, “So, how do you know the hypnosis actually worked? I could have been like making it all up. You know, on purpose—or, or…not.”
Gina just smiles this semi-evil smile and blows out over the cup of coffee in her hand—like she’s cooling it down. The steam hits my nostrils and I automatically reach out for my own cup and take a sip of the stuff that’s now tasting more like a bitter beverage that I should be drinking and less like pond scum that I should be avoiding.
Rita just grins—a little evilly, too—and says with a wink, “Oh, we have our ways, Hon. Trust me. We have our ways…”
She makes a point of taking a sip of her coffee.
I want to scream! Hit her with my phasers set to obliterate! Curse her in Klingon! Anything!
What? I want to know! She seems so sure. I mean I know I’m not making anything up—but how do they know?
But she remains infuriatingly silent on what those ‘ways’ are and says instead, “Now, I think you may want to go fix your makeup before your Momma comes to pick you up. Here, why don’t I get you some ice for this Diet Pepsi? I can’t stand hot Pepsi. Can you? I think the cold fizzy drink will taste much better than coffee on ice—although, there’s nothing wrong with a good cup of hot coffee. Especially on a cold day. Don’t you agree?”
I give her a bewildered look and take the cup of ice and the can of Diet with me towards the powder room. I leave the cup of coffee on the table—forgotten. As I pass Gina, she blows steam from her cup my way and I walk right through it.
I’m looking forward to my fizzy Diet on ice.
So…
I know I left everyone in a dazed and confused state of mind after the last part. It was on purpose and to give you a sense of Jacie’s state-of-mind. The comments and comparable lack of thumbs-ups/kudos certainly made it clear that not everyone appreciated the part. While that doesn’t come as a surprise to me, there is a method to my madness and I appreciate those of you who are still sticking with me on this story.
If you are looking for some ‘normalcy’ and answers, this part should fit that bill. Just don’t look for all of the answers!
My hope is that this will make up for the dark and confusing parts leading up to this one.
Once again, thanks for everyone’s support!
HUGS!
Shauna
I look at myself in the small, but well-lit mirror in the powder room and grimace at the ruined makeup on my face. Kate would have a cow!
Me? I’m completely drained and don’t have the energy to obsess over my face—even though I have to admit that I look terrible. There are like a thousand thoughts flitting through my cotton candy-filled brain.
What? Yeah, it’s back—like with a vengeance!
I look at my watch—I was in there for over an hour and I only like really remember the last fifteen minutes!
What? Yeah, weird, right?
I like remember telling them the events from my first day at school as Jacie through until almost the present. But, I don’t remember the time that past doing it.
What? Yeah, like I said. Weird.
Anyway, I remember them asking me to portray all that has happened as if they had no knowledge of the events that took place. I don’t like remember any other questions, though, after that initial one. I only like really remember that persistently annoyed feeling when they must have asked additional ones. I’m not sure what was so annoying, though. That’s still fuzzy—just that it really was.
I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly while I watch my makeup-streaked cheeks expand from the force of the air I am expelling. When the air is out of my lungs, I take another deep breath and then a deep sip of ice-cold Diet. I nearly purr at the taste of the fizzy goodness.
I shake my head—what was it with the coffee, anyway? It’s like I couldn’t get enough of it…
Maybe I am losing my mind—or have lost it already! Do the Borg need special shrinks? Or—if the Queen had a shrink, would it filter down to all the drones? Maybe I need three—or four. A whole hive of them? Do I need to get the Queen to assimilate more shrinks?
I giggle at the random—and absurd—thoughts flitting through the cotton candy in my head.
Yeah—it’s back, all right. It’s got my mind all mucked-up again. The sticky pink fibers are permeating every corner of my brain—and maybe that’s a good thing. I mean, well. Oh, bosh! What do I mean? I am still so confused from all that just happened, right now.
And the day is really just getting started!
I shrug in resignation and thoroughly wash my face; stripping off all signs of makeup. Then I put on some light makeup from my emergency supply kit. I’ll like fix it properly when I get home. I’ll need more than an emergency kit to do it right—and I’ll need a much more sophisticated look for tonight, anyway. So I would have been redoing it no matter what.
I will like also need a whole new supply of energy to tackle that…
What? No, not like the makeup. Tonight! Duh!
When everything seems to be back in some semblance of order…
What? No… I’m not in order. What did you think? Just like my face.
Anyway, I put my makeup back into its little pouch and stick that in my purse. Then I sit down on the toilet to relieve myself of the gallon—gallons? —of coffee I like must have consumed in there.
What was it with the coffee—and why did those two seem so smug about me drinking it? Or were they? It’s all such a fog. They seemed smug—but then I wasn’t really processing things clearly after that hypnotic session.
Was I just being paranoid?
But, then again, why the coffee? And why did they seem to be hiding something—smug or not?
I shrug in frustration and finish my business; then get everything situated down below. I check myself one more time in the mirror as I wash my hands and decide it’s like as good as it’s going to get.
I leave the powder room and enter the office to find Rita and Gina in an animated conversation. They immediately get quiet and smile at me when I enter the room.
I’m not sure, but the silence seems deafening and their smiles seem a bit forced—or am I just being paranoid again?
What? How does that make me feel? How would it make you feel? What an idiotic question! Studying to be a shrink, are you?
Anyway, I am like feeling really vulnerable right now and I don’t really trust my own feelings. That is how I feel!
Gina comes over and gives me a hug and Rita says, “I’ll see you tonight, Hon. I was able to score a reservation for Scott and me at the Disco Party. It wasn’t easy, I’ll tell you! P2SK is becoming quite the hot item at the Goddess—and around town.”
I smile. Thinking of tonight is a bittersweet distraction and I quickly seize on it, since thinking about what just went on is just giving me a bumper-crop of cotton candy-head.
What? It takes my mind off all of what just happened. Distraction, or not, it’s still a huge reminder that I’m going to be the lead female singer of a popular band at a huge gig tonight. And that’s a direct result of what we were just discussing.
I feel my knees go weak again as my head threatens to explode and send cotton candy to the moon. It seems there is no relief for this poor overtaxed mind of mine. No matter which way I turn, there’s a storm of controversy!
I nod with a sigh and give her a meek hug. I force myself to focus on the band for a minute, “I know and I’m still not sure how I feel about that, either. It’s not like I ever had any aspirations of being like a singer.”
I clench my fists to stop the tremor in my hands. I let out a deep breath and focus on something positive, “At any rate, Apollo’s niece is like really nice and it should be a lot of fun. We’ve enjoyed expanding our song list beyond just ABBA. But, now Apollo is talking about expanding it from disco into classic rock…”
I shrug at my inability to maintain a positive thought, without immediately regressing into a controversy again. I feel a lopsided grin form on my war-torn face as I try to put a positive spin on my thoughts, “At least that would be more Barbie’s arena—she can sing.”
Rita just rolls her eyes and smiles knowingly. She squeezes me in a warm goodbye-hug and Gina quickly follows suit. Then I slip out and close the door behind me. I collapse against the door and try and catch my breath.
I lean there for what seems like hours, but is actually only a few seconds to let my heartrate come back down to normal.
I give what just happened a fleeting thought. That hug certainly wasn’t one from someone that was mocking me. I must have been reading too much into what I thought I was seeing, earlier. I sigh…
Paranoia. Isn’t that a sign of mental illness?
It’s a good thing I have a shrink—well, two, actually.
Finally, I wearily push myself off the door with my butt and walk away from the office—trying my best to leave my dark thoughts behind that door.
I’m only partially successful. That session was more than just a little terrifying.
Despite my best efforts to remain calm, I feel my breath catch in my throat and I squeeze my fists to get my emotions back under control. I feel my mask crumble into a million pieces.
So much for leaving everything back there!
What? I like know that’s exactly what they were telling me is my problem! Trying to squash my emotions…
Anyway, I walk over to Momma and give her an anxious and trembling hug.
She smiles worriedly at me and asks, “How was it? You look like you’ve been under a full-scale Dominion attack! I was going to let you drive, but I’m not sure you’re in the best condition for that?”
I ashamedly look down at the floor and numbly shake my head. I bite my trembling lip in a futile attempt to steady it.
What? I know she’s right. The last thing I like need to do right now is wreck the TT.
I hug her fiercely again and say with a catch in my voice, “I love you, Momma! We need to like talk, though. I’m so sorry!”
She gently pushes back from my hug and gives me a concerned look. Seeing my face, she quickly checks her watch with a shake of her wrist. She says with obvious confusion and concern, “It’s nearly eleven. We could go have an early lunch at Emerald Wednesday’s and still get you home in time to get ready for tonight. How does that sound?”
I hug her tight to me again to try and draw on her inner strength to steady my trembling, which is threatening to get out of control—she has always been so strong and I have no idea where she finds that grit. I fight to keep the sob from forming that is threatening to further betray my damned emotions and say in a shaky whisper, “That like sounds perfect, Momma.”
We hurry to the car. The ride down the elevator seems to take forever—with Momma giving me as many concerned looks as she gives me space to gather my wits.
She seems to instinctively sense what I need. How does she do that? It’s like with the panties—she just knew they were something that I…needed. Something that I needed to be me—to express who I really am.
I feel my breath catch as I feel another wave of shame engulf me. How could I be subconsciously blaming her for all of my issues?
We finally get to the car and Momma drives. Self-conscious and not knowing what to say—or do—I check my phone and see twelve texts from Jillie wanting to know how it went. I numbly text her back to let her know the session is over and that I will see her at two at home to get ready and I will fill her in, then. I finish the text with trembling fingers—I let her know that I need some alone-time with Momma.
I can’t help but smile at the ‘kiss’ emoji I get back in return—and a reminder that she has her monthly ‘date’ with her Daddy today, anyway.
Seventeen minutes later, Momma and I are seated at a table at the Emerald’s mall location. Jenna, our server, takes our order and…
What? Our order? Two half-salads and unsweet iced tea? What about it?
What? No, it’s not comfort food! What’s your point?
Deep breaths, Jacie! Just take deep breaths!
Anyway! Once Jenna leaves to fill our order, I fill Momma in on the ‘revelations’ of the session. Talking through them with her helps me process the confusion in my mind—at least like a little. Going through them with her outside of the confines of the medical building helps me put some perspective on things—sort of like a second opinion, I guess.
Of course, I thought that’s what the shrinks were supposed to be for. Helping me get over the confusion—not create more.
I have to fight the emotions that want to overtake me, especially when I get to the end, but I get through it, more or less with some semblance of decorum. At least I don’t make some emotional scene in the middle of the restaurant.
I finish with a shaky, “So, I’m like really sorry, Momma! I never meant to like blame you for any of this. Implied, or not—consciously, or subconsciously! I…I don’t have any excuses to give, though. I…I…’m still confused about all of this. I guess I really am a wreck!”
She reaches over the table and takes my hands into hers and squeezes them. She looks me squarely in the eyes and says, “There’s no need to apologize, James Tiberius Amanda Christine Jacie Alexander! I know you don’t really blame me for this. But, I’m glad it’s coming out who you do blame—which seems to be yourself.”
She pauses and takes a sip of her tea to let that sink in. Then she continues, “Well, don’t! Do you hear me? The fact that you’re transgendered is not your fault. And even if you’re not TG, then whatever this is still isn’t your fault! OK? Do you hear me, young lady? It’s not your fault. It’s not anybody’s! It just…is what it is.”
I hurry after my eyes that have like made it almost into the kitchen…
What? Yeah, they seem to have now found a reliable way around the Borg technology, since this is the second time today. Or, on second thought, maybe this is Borg tech and they just beamed out to check on our food. Who knows?
Anyway, I contritely reply, “Yes, Momma. I hear you. That doesn’t mean my subconscious ‘self’ does, though. It’s been like running amuck today—I’m pretty sure it’s been like feeding my paranoia.”
Our conversation briefly pauses as Jenna refreshes our drinks and we resume talking after we each swallow a well-chewed nibble of our nearly-forgotten salads.
When she is gone I look at Momma and admit, “I don’t know, Momma. I mean, I like really don’t blame you… Not consciously, anyway. But, I guess I still don’t know deep-down that this is right. I like want to believe it is. On the surface, I do… But…that session today seems to like indicate that somewhere deep-down, I’m not so sure…”
Momma gives me a sympathetic look and says, “I know you’re confused, Hon. I have to trust that Rita and Gina know what they’re doing—and I think you do, too? Right?”
I sigh and nod as I stab another nibble of salad. She gives me a concerned look and seems to think it best to change the subject, for now. “So, how are the plans for Mitsi’s birthday coming along? Your Daddy has her car already prepped. She’s quite the lucky lady, getting an RS3. I know that she’s not otherwise spoiled, though. I think it’s a good fit—although, she’ll have to be very careful. That’s a powerful car. I’m not sure why a normal A3 wouldn’t have sufficed…”
I smile, actually grateful for the change in subject—and to a subject that’s not about tonight. “Well, I think she’ll be fine with it. She’s really responsible and when she turns eighteen she can turn it in and pick out whatever she wants. Not that she knows any of this—and I still have to keep it secret for another two weeks!”
I take another nibble and swallow. I think about how I had accused Rita of being smug earlier. That doesn’t jive at all with how she normally treats me—trusting me with a huge secret like this, for example. I must have just been taking things out of context. I mean they are the professionals—I’m just a screwed-up psycho…
I swallow another contrite nibble, then continue, “As for the party, Apollo and Aphrodite like have everything ready. Since it’s going to be a very large crowd, it will be held at ‘The Warehouse’. You know, that big event center that you can like rent out? Apollo is providing the food and Rita’s paying for the venue. Aphrodite is like doing all of the planning. But only Jillie and I know all the details outside of Rita, Apollo, and Aphrodite—not even the posse or the band know everything. It’s kind of weird that Rita trusts me with this…”
Momma shakes her head, “Rita trusts you and I don’t think that trust comes lightly. I know you had concerns about her and Gina today, but not all is always at it seems in the heat of battle. Like I said, I think we need to trust her. Anyway, speaking of Aphrodite—is she as nice as she seems? I mean, I haven’t met her, yet, but you and the band seem to talk her up quite a bit. I know she’s only been here for a couple of weeks…”
I nod and swallow my nibble as I contemplate my earlier impressions of Rita. I take a sip of tea to wash it down and decide to put those concerns on hold. I play with the salad on my plate and say, “Yes, she really is. She like fully transitioned five years ago—at eighteen. You know, SRS, and the whole shebang. She like started her ‘journey’, as she calls it, early and like never had to deal with the effects of male puberty. You can’t tell she wasn’t born a genetic woman—at least not as far as most people can see. I certainly can’t, anyway. I guess like a doctor could, maybe…”
Momma nods in understanding and asks, “So, I’ll meet her tonight?”
I drop my fork onto my plate with a clatter and run to get my eyes—they are busy checking out the boiling pot of soup in the kitchen.
What? I don’t know why! Maybe they have a thing about food safety? Or they want to steal the recipe?
Anyway, Momma giggles at the confused look on my face and explains as I contritely pick my fork back up, “Well, Rita got tickets to the party and Scott can’t make it. So, she asked me if I want to go…”
She seems to think a second, then asks in a worried tone, “That’s not a problem, right? I can call Rita and cancel…”
I shake my head vigorously and wish I could like create enough breeze doing so to cool down my burning eyes. Even the long fake eyelashes that Kate insists I wear don’t whip up enough wind when I vigorously bat them. I quickly reply, “Nope! Like, not at all!”
Momma smiles in obvious relief and then completely blows me away with her next question, “So, Rita and Gina asked me something funny and I’m not sure why. They wanted to know if I had a problem with you drinking coffee? Any ideas why that would come up? It was earlier in the week when we were talking about setting up your special session today and it seemed a bit odd...”
I give her a shocked look but repress the urge to hiccup as I shake my head. “No idea. They did offer me some during the session—and for some reason, it just sounded really good. I think I drank like three cups and it was like…delightful…”
Momma nods and says, “So, you’re developing a taste for it, are you? I wasn’t aware—I mean I know you have occasionally had a cup in the morning when you were tired, but I didn’t think you really liked it. I told them that, but I guess I was wrong. Anyway, would you like to go next door to ‘The Coffee Shop’ with me and get a cup to go? It sounds good to me, right now. And if you’re acquiring the taste…?”
I think about all of it that I like had drunk earlier and realize I don’t really have any desire for more. I blush and say, “I don’t know, Momma. It was really good for a bit, then I had my normal craving for Diet Pepsi and I sort of forgot about it.” I shrug at a complete loss of how to explain it.
She smiles and says, “But, I just love hot coffee on a cold day, don’t you?”
All of the sudden, the smell of the coffee coming from the nearby kitchen makes my mouth water and I nod, “I sure do, Momma. A cup of coffee sounds great!”
What? A girl can never have too much coffee!
Err… Right?
Momma seems a little shaken and shakes her head as she seems to be like mentally chewing really hard on something…
She quickly motions to Jenna for the check and pays the bill. Puzzled at my sudden desire, we go next door to get our wonderful cup of coffee.
Maybe letting this emotional stuff out thing isn’t so bad, after-all.
Like, huh!
When we get home, I go straight up to my room to mentally prepare for tonight. That turns into mostly finishing my coffee and replaying the morning over and over in my head. I don’t really make any progress and finally give up after an hour. I decide to take a nice hot shower…
Half an hour after that, I get out of the shower and can’t help but think the steamy room is reminiscent of my foggy mind. I quickly wrap a towel around my ‘Borg’ boobs and step out into my room, a billow of steam following me…
What? My ‘boobs’ are certainly as fake as a Borg implant! Not likely as functional, though. Mine just are dead weight and good for nothing, other than filling out my bra… I wonder if they really were Borg implants if they would produce milk?
What? It’s like a legitimate question! Right? You mean you don’t wonder…?
Anyway, I wrap my wrung-out hair with another towel and put it all up in a turban to get it out of my way.
My brain still feels like it’s crammed full of cotton candy and I feel an odd mixture of being mentally drained from the session and physically wired from all the coffee. I also like still feel an odd controversy over actually liking the coffee, but can’t seem to like focus on thinking about it.
What? Focus on the controversy, I mean. I can certainly focus on the desire for coffee, though. As a matter of fact, a cup sounds really good…
Anyway, like I said, I’m wired, but exhausted—so I decide to maybe like try taking a quick nap and see if that will help clear my mind. I look at the clock and decide I still have time to take one before it’s time for Jillie to come over—barely. So it’s now or never.
What? Yeah, I could like really use her particular brand of therapy to relax me, right now.
What? No! I’m not giving you any details on what that would entail! I think we’ve like gone over that before! Pervert!
Anyway, I know I have to wait for any of that particular brand of magic, so I finish toweling my hair dry and put it into a quick braid while it’s still damp. It gives it a cute crinkle when I undo it after it dries that way.
I peek at my phone—I could text her and see if she could come over early. I sigh and wrap the hairband tight around the bottom of the braid as I shake my head. I know she’s still out on her monthly ‘date’ with her Daddy. I sigh and lay down on my bed and close my eyes—and try hard to relax.
I sigh again as I lay there and a gazillion thoughts tunnel through the cotton candy in my brain—all of them defying any attempt to fall asleep.
What? I’m tired! I really am! But, the coffee has those cotton candy pathways buzzing. It’s like there’s electricity racing down every fiber of it and my thoughts won’t settle down enough to let me rest.
My thoughts are so random, too. One path has me thinking about the boots that Jillie wants me to get; another has me thinking about my alter-ego pulling the Klingon mask off; another, about the fact that another cup of coffee sounds really good, right now…
And all of them are racing through my brain at once and crashing in on one-another with the force of atoms racing through a particle accelerator. I wonder if they will create dark matter and turn me into a meta?
I’m just about to give up on the nap attempt as totally futile when I drift off into a restless slumber. All the thoughts seem to crash together just then in one big bang and annihilate each other.
I finally settle into a deep enough sleep to dream and find myself back outside the school parking lot and the ‘Klingon’, once again, blocking my path to safety.
And, once again, in my dream state I don’t know it’s me. In a repeat performance, I’m completely paralyzed and can’t move.
What? You like know how it is in dreams, right? Something bad is going to happen to you and you like suddenly can’t move! Try as you might—whimper all you want—no dice!
Anyway, I stand there and can’t move. I can’t run away. I can’t run towards the ‘Klingon’ in any sort of futile attempt at bravado and attack it, either. I can only stand there and whimper as I watch the figure slowly and mockingly pulls off its mask…
And I, once again, see myself standing there, in all my unmasked Borg glory—grimacing at the paralyzed me.
I try and move my feet again, but they’re still firmly rooted to the ground.
What? The paralyzed me—not the Klingon one! I mean really? Did I like really have to explain that?
Anyway, I wonder if maybe I’m part Groot? I have actual roots going into the ground? Would Groot’s strength help me? Paralyzed me wants to shout at Klingon me, but I can’t get any words to come out. Not that, “I am Groot,” would likely be all that useful…
All I…err…paralyzed me…can do is whimper a pathetic and feeble nothingness and feel myself shake in terror—until I realize it’s Momma shaking me awake.
“…up, Hon! You’re having a nightmare! Plus, it’s time for you to get ready! Jillie will be here at any moment!”
I slowly open my eyes and reality like slowly sinks back in. It was just a dream—again!
I’m seriously beginning to hate dreams! Induced ones—or not. Plus, why did that particular scene play itself out again? I thought we had hashed through it all—the shrinks and I; more importantly, Momma and I…
I groggily look up at Momma and groan. She looks at me with concern and says, “Jillie is on her way over. Are you OK? Can you do this tonight? I guess that session wasn’t a great idea on the day of your biggest gig, yet.”
I want to retort, “You like think?”
I hold my retort and sigh. I know it’s not fair—just a remnant of my still terrified mind. I ask instead, “Jillie isn’t sick, right?”
What? I still can’t like totally separate everything I remember from the morning session from reality, right now. I acutely remember Jillie being sick and that was the reason Momma took me to school alone. Was she really sick—or was that just a part of the ‘dream’? Does that have something to do with me dreaming this again? But then why would I dream about my issues and not something about Jillie?
Momma gives me a funny look and shakes her head, “No, not as far as I know. Why do you ask?”
I sigh again. I guess I left that part of the story out at the restaurant. I explain, “Well, like some of the things in my session today just got things like totally muddled in my head—sort of a mixture of reality and…like dream or whatever that was that I experienced. In the ‘dream’, Jillie was sick—one of the reasons that you dropped me off alone at school in my dream. I was just like confirming that she’s OK. I was just dreaming about the ‘Klingon/Borg’ me again. I like really dislike dreams! I don’t get it, Momma. Something is not right with my brain!”
Momma hugs me tightly and says, “Well, Rita will be there tonight. I’m sure you can talk with her, if you need to. I don’t think there is a thing wrong with your brain—just how you are reacting to its thoughts. You’re not used to it giving in to its real identity. You’re still trying to figure out what—or who—that is. Give it time, Hon. Do you want to stay home tonight?”
I sigh again and shake my head—I need to let go of my paranoia from earlier. Thinking about that just conjures up more dark thoughts. I can’t help but giggle, though, as Jillie suddenly comes rushing into my room, unannounced, as usual, and gives me a cotton-candy-clearing, tonsil-cleaning, foot-popping kiss.
My heart starts racing in excitement—then settles into a warm, comforted state—although, still excited.
What? Like now that’s therapy!
What? I said ‘excited’—not ‘aroused’! And that’s none of your business, anyway! Even if I am a little aroused…
Anyway, Momma just shakes her head and giggles, too, “Well, it seems the real doctor is now in the house. I’ll leave you girls to it, then!”
Jillie breaks the kiss with a ‘smack’ and says a little contritely, “Hi, Cindy! Sorry, I like could just tell my Dollie needed a pick-me-up! Plus, the cryptic texts sent out an SOS to the stars!”
Momma sagely nods and I let out a contented sigh. Then I smile at Momma, “Speaking of pick-me-ups, how about we make a pot of coffee?”
What? I can’t help myself! A girl can never have too much coffee!
Err… Right?
Anyway, Momma sighs and Jillie gives me a really funny questioning look.
I just give them an exasperated look and retort, “What? It like just sounds good! Is there a problem with that? The cup from ‘The Coffee Shop’ has worn off and I need to be on my toes for tonight!”
Momma shakes her head and says, “And another coffee-monster is born. Sure, why not? Jillie, have you started drinking it, yet? Will your Momma let you? If you would even like some, that is.”
She shakes her head and says with a shrug, “Well, she doesn’t have anything against it, that I’m aware of. I am sixteen, after-all. But, I’ve never like really gotten into mainstream drinking it. I guess if like Jacie is suddenly so gung-ho about it, I can give it a try…?”
She shrugs again and Momma continues to shake her head as she leaves to go to the kitchen. The look on her face is strange, though. A mixture of consternation and pure befuddlement. Somehow, I’m not convinced the consternation is about me, though…
Baffled, I stand there—a swirling mix of frustration and confusion.
What? I don’t get what the big deal is. I also don’t get why I have these sudden urges for coffee… Is that Momma’s worry? Then, why does it seem that she’s not so much worried about me drinking the coffee, than me wanting the coffee? And ‘worried’ doesn’t seem to be the right word, either. Perplexed? Confused. Guilty…
I pinch myself—I’m being paranoid again!
Jillie turns around and interrupts my emotional reverie by giving me another cotton-candy-clearing, tonsil-cleaning, foot-popping kiss. When she breaks it with a ‘smack’, she looks me like deep in the eyes and asks, “How was the session? And what’s this about coffee?”
Suddenly, my musings about Momma’s emotions vanish and I spend the next hour telling her the whole sordid story while we get ready—and drink the whole pot of coffee that Momma brings up to us.
Of course, there are plenty of cotton-candy-clearing, tonsil-cleaning, foot-popping kisses sprinkled throughout to keep me going. Since is my second recounting, I am a little better at it, but I can tell that Jillie is like still as confused about the whole session as I am. Somehow, that makes me feel better. I thought it was just me that didn’t get it—it seems I’m like not alone in that universe, though…
I also decide to tell Rita and Gina that, while I am a nerd at heart, don’t have to have everything thrown at me in a ‘Star’ series speak. It’s starting to make me hate my favorite genre having it all linked to my psychotic issues…
What? They’re just going to have to deal and find a better way…
I feel…good.
What? Not great. The butterflies in my stomach are having pink caterpillars and they are all tickling my throw-up button…
But, at least Klingons and other baddies are out of mind, for the moment. It’s all about the frightening night of high-powered disco that looms ahead.
I don’t even like totally really remember the ride over here—or all of us gathering on the stage. There are just like vague snippets of the ride. What vividly stands out the ones of cotton-candy-clearing, tonsil-cleaning, foot-popping kisses from Jillie. I know I stalled on answering a lot of questions from the posse, though. I will deal with those…later.
I take a deep breath and pull my entire focus into the reality of the moment. I smile as I look at everyone in the band totally decked out in disco garb. We all look like we just stepped straight out of the seventies! Then my smile weakens as the reality of what that means hits home again.
What? Yeah, I’m like still working on the whole not regressing into the negative thing…
Anyway, my smile returns as we finish setting up and I force myself to focus on the positive and push the negative thoughts aside—well, as best I can. All of Jillie’s therapy over the past few hours has like really done me wonders in boosting my positivity and I feel a lot better.
As I force my thoughts into a sort of positive-reinforcement loop, today’s session starts to become a dark and fading memory—at least for the moment—and I’m like actually looking forward to this tonight.
What? I like know, right? She really is the doctor!
Anyway, Aphrodite and Apollo come over as we finish setting up and ask us if we need anything before we start our first practice set.
I smile and give Aphrodite a sisterly hug.
What? Aphrodite? Yeah, she’s really nice. I’ll have to like catch you up on her later, though, K? We’ve talked a little and I know we need to talk more. She ‘gets’ me in ways that no one else I like know right now does.
What? No! Jillie and I are perfectly fine—but Jillie is not going through what Dite has…and I may be…
What? Yeah… I like started calling her ‘Dite’ (pronounced ‘Die-Tee’) as a term of endearment and now everyone else does, too.
Anyway, I ask Apollo, “Could I like have a cup of coffee? Black as Darth Vader’s cape?”
Jillie just gives me a look and shrugs in resignation. She looks at Apollo, “If you can’t like beat ‘em… Could I have one, too? Only, I like need cream and sugar—lots of cream and sugar!”
The others give both of us a strange look and then order a variety of sodas. Apollo just grins.
I just give them all a ‘look’ back.
What? I still don’t get their problem! I am not dwelling on this and a girl can’t have too much…
What? You’ve heard that already? What’s your point?
It’s like true!
Err… Right?
Anyway, Apollo brings us a whole big pot of coffee, lots of cream and sugar on the side, and a big tray of sodas—then we all get down to business…
Two hours of practice and two pots of coffee later, I feel good. Like, really good! Caffeine-buzzed, but good.
What? You wouldn’t be buzzed with that much coffee?
What? The restroom? Yeah, I have to go a bit more than usual… Your point?
Anyway, I like don’t feel too self-conscious about singing lead tonight. Somehow, we’ve all found a way to obsess less on the fact that we’re prepping for our biggest gig, yet—and, well just have fun.
What? I know it’s like weird, but I think Dite is largely responsible for putting us all at ease.
She’s hard to explain—at least for me. She just doesn’t seem to have a care in the world—and for someone like me, that’s inconceivable. Like, for example, she’s just been dancing around and singing along the whole time—and she really can’t sing. At all! I mean I’m a Goddess compared to her.
We all can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm, though. I think that is what mostly what puts us at ease. The fact that she can just not give a sh… err, care about any of it and just let go. I mean Else has nothing on her with letting go!
Her nonchalance always pokes at my inner ‘me’, though. Why do I worry so much about what others think? Why do I worry so much about what I think others think? Why can’t I just be happy with myself like she can?
What? Putting others at ease? Like, even the others were like initially really nervous about tonight. I mean picture this: All the tables of this huge restaurant heave been removed and the place has been turned into a mini-disco. You know; disco balls and colored lights—the whole works. It’s epically retro—it’s also a huge gamble on Apollo’s part.
And he’s counting on us to deliver! Hence the nerves…
Basically, the way it all works is that those with tickets will be able to have three drinks—of any kind, as long as they are old enough—for ‘free’. Of course, that’s like just part of the ticket price. The ticket price also includes three appetizers or bar-type food. Anything more than that will have to be paid for at the cash bar.
The advance tickets sold out quickly and there will like be twice the crowd than during a normal ‘dining’ gig. Oh, and like another difference is it will be the same crowd all night long—not people coming and going as they finish eating. That’s like a whole different level of pressure—we have to entertain the same crowd for hours and not let them get bored with our performance.
So, yeah—this is like really different. And all of our nerves showed it when we got here. Oddly, though, I guess mine sort of got burned out in the session, because I felt less nervous than the others.
Anyway, we’re all feeling better. And I feel good—even great!
What? I already mentioned that? Well, it’s like such a different feeling to feel good—it’s been so long. So, maybe it like was a good thing to have the session, today. This is like taking my mind off the dark thoughts associated with it and somehow seems to be less intimidating in comparison.
Jillie and Dite have played their huge parts in my mood, though, and I have to find a way to thank them. Of course, that’s not hard with Jillie…
What? No! No details! Pervert!
Anyway, no matter how much I try and focus on the positive, I can’t like shake this nagging feeling that it’s like too good to be true. I like have this annoying intuition that it won’t last. There’s no doubt in my mind that the Klingons—not the ‘me’ ones—are still alive and kicking out there. And they want to kick me—or worse!
I like force myself to not dwell on the feeling, though, and take what peace I can—for as long as it wants to prevail.
I shove the dark thoughts into a corner of my mind and we finish our second practice set. When we’re done, we’re all like feeling pretty psyched. The songs are flowing easily and the last couple of week’s hard practice shows. Apollo is like certainly happy with our selected song list and things seem to be shaping up for a great night!
What? Positive thoughts! Like remember?
Oh! Speaking of! We’ll get a nice bonus out of it, too! We get a share of the ticket price—and a percentage of all extra sales—on top of our normal contract fare!
Anyway, when it’s clear that more practice won’t like make us any better, we all split up to rest up before the madness of the night descends on us. We have like forty minutes before the doors will open.
Jillie and I find a quiet corner and she gives me another cotton-candy-clearing, tonsil-cleaning, foot-popping kiss—then another. Then rinse and repeat. Well, you like get the idea, right?
What. No? Well, I’m sorry you’re so dense, then!
Anyway, as the clock ticks and her kisses keep coming, I feel my nerves and my resolve to remain positive start to fail me again. The only thing keeping me sane are Jillie’s kisses. There’s no talking between us—our mouths are too locked onto one another. There is a fair amount of panting, though.
I feel her kisses get more urgent as time goes on and know it’s a two-way-street. Somehow that like comforts me and I smile as I lean into the next flurry of kisses.
We break up our little session fifteen minutes before the doors are set to open and look deeply into each other’s eyes with a mutual sigh. There is one last ‘smack’ as we break one last kiss and I give her a squeeze, “OK, Love. Let’s go let Kate give us our last once over. I still can’t believe how hot you look in that makeup and outfit!”
She giggles and I can tell she’s like barely able to resist the temptation of another kiss, “Not half as hot as you, my little Disco Doll! Let’s go like give them the night of their lives, shall we?”
I give her a last squeeze and we lose the fight with temptation. One more foot-popping kiss and then we rush to the girl’s room where Kate deftly repairs our ‘make-out-makeup-damage’.
She shakes her head and says, “At least with the other girls, it’s just one per pair. You two are buy-one-get-one-free when it comes to repairs!”
Jillie and I just giggle and Kate proclaims us ready. Of course, we were the last ones in, so we all give each other a huge group-hug and high-fives after we’re cleared by her. Then we go out to meet up with the guys with like a minute to spare before the doors open.
Suddenly, my self-doubts start strengthening again. No matter how much I focus on positive thoughts, I still have no idea how I let them talk me into singing—let alone singing lead!
Jillie squeezes my hand and whispers in my ear, “You’re fine, Love! Go knock ‘em dead.”
I sigh and latch my safety tether to her rock-solid foundation. Although, like I said, even she’s a little nervous tonight.
Apollo looks at our little group and gives us a thumbs-up. Then he and Dite go over to the doors, unlock them, and start checking tickets as the throngs of people start filling the restaurant-turned-disco.
I feel my emotions—good and bad—use my stomach as a trampoline.
What? You know… They go up and down—doing backflips as they like bounce on my queasy stomach!
Anyway, I squeeze Jillie tightly in one last hug and we all follow Chris up on stage. The guys plug in and start playing a melody of several well-known disco songs as the lights start going wild with the music and bouncing off the disco-ball and spilt into a million swirling stars.
I dance around on-stage—completely mesmerized by the lights and the unending line of people coming in. I think I almost fall back into a hypnotic state until I’m brought back to reality when I notice Momma and Rita come in.
I shake my head to clear it and point them out to Mitsi and Jillie. I pull myself together and completely focus my attention on my tambourine and start ‘playing’ it—doing my best to ignore the mesmerizing lights.
I am starting to get myself back under control and hone in on those positive feelings. I smile at Jillie, who is rocking the triangle. Then I grin at Mitsi, who is shaking her maracas. Finally, I wink at Kate, Sara, and Barbs, who are just clapping their hands or snapping their fingers.
After about fifteen minutes, the line finally slows down and Apollo comes up on stage, leaving Dite to take the last of the tickets on her own.
Apollo motions for the guys to lower the music volume and takes a microphone from its stand. He shouts into it, “Good evening, Gods and Goddesses! Are you ready to party?”
I feel my emotions bounce on my stomach again. Suddenly, that ‘great’ feeling I had before turns on me and isn’t quite so ‘great’ anymore. The roar from the crowd is both encouraging and terrifying.
He continues, “P2SK is in the house and is going to fuel your Saturday Night Fever! Let’s party!”
He hands me the microphone and I take it with clammy hands.
Have you ever noticed that the Borg look like their hands would always be clammy—they’re always so gray and cold looking?
What? The whole Borg—not just their hands! Pay attention!
What? I’m procrastinating? Really?
Anyway, I fight the urge to wipe the sweat from my palms on my dress and listen to Fred count down the first song. I take a deep breath and start singing ‘Night Fever’, right on cue, and the disco lights once again go wild as the disco ball starts rotating and scattering the colors across the floor, walls, ceiling, and gyrating dancers.
I concentrate hard on the words and my singing and do my best to ignore the lights.
What? The last thing I need is fall into another hypnotic sleep while I’m up here singing!
Somehow, the lights become soothing to me as I finish the first song and my nerves settle some. After that, I find my positive loop again and fall into a rhythm. I actually start having some fun again—and the band as a whole seems to feed off that.
Mindful of focusing on my singing, I can’t help but wonder how I can be the one that is driving the band’s mood. They like certainly picked a poor leader when it comes to that! But it further forces me to focus on my positive side—the band and Apollo now all seem to be counting on me.
Like just great!
Anyway, the crowd is like awesome and help me stay positive. They sing along at times and dance non-stop like crazy.
I start to get that ‘great’ feeling again as I start having more fun, which fuels the band’s mood, which fuels the crowds, which fuels me…
What? That’s like one of those positive feedback loops I was talking about!
Anyway, I still have that nagging feeling that is trying to bring me down from my high and I fight it tooth and nail.
What? What feeling? The one that I will somehow have to pay for feeling good.
I’m mostly successful at suppressing ‘the feeling’—mostly thanks to that above-mention loop and we’re well into the second set when I notice Apollo frantically running around. I’m in the middle of ‘Boogie Wonderland’ and that feeling that I owe the galaxy a huge debt for that earlier good feeling forces itself to the surface with a vengeance and gets like really strong.
I still don’t know why Apollo is so frantic, but something is clearly wrong. Then I notice that Dite is not by her post at the door, nor is anyone else.
That feeling that payback is going to be a bitch becomes all-consuming and completely overpowering. I actually feel a little faint and more than a little sick to my stomach.
Then, all Hell breaks loose…
Now that hopefully the confusion from the first three parts has been lifted in Part Four, it’s time to move the story forward.
So, without further ado, Part Five…
Thanks for everyone’s support!
HUGS!
Shauna
The water hits the sound system and sends sparks flying before the circuit breakers cut the power to the equipment—and the lights. We are suddenly plunged into a frightening, loud, cold, wet, choking darkness
It takes a few seconds for the emergency lights to cut in. When they finally do come on, they reveal a terrifying scene: A full-on panic in the restaurant. People are rushing towards the front entrance to escape the acrid smoke and unending water without a lot of regard for anyone else’s wellbeing.
There are also people storming the stage, since the front entrance is effectively clogged with the fleeing mob and there is an emergency exit behind the stage.
Jillie frantically grabs at my hand, but we are quickly separated as the mob takes over the stage like a huge swarm of ants frantically overtaking some enemy invader in their hill…
What? Do ants ‘swarm’? Are you like seriously asking me that right now?
Anyway, Jillie’s desperate attempt at a hold on my hand is broken as the seething horde pushes its way towards the exit in the back—pushing Jillie out front and with it towards the door and me to the inside and towards the restrooms.
The emergency lights are dimmer in this area of the restaurant because of the thick smoke still pouring from the kitchen. I frantically look around to see if I can see Apollo or Dite—or Momma and Rita. I don’t see anyone that I recognize, at this point.
I’m soaked to the skin and shivering, but I’m not sure if the shivering is because I’m cold…
What? Of course, I am! That’s a stupid question!
What? I hurt your feelings? O!M!G! Like, bite me!
Anyway, I’m not sure if I’m shivering because I’m cold or because of nerves.
What? Of course, it could be both! Are you seriously asking me these stupid-a…, ummm, dumb questions right now?
So, anyway, I don’t see any of my peeps—or Momma or Rita. I decide it’s best to find my way outside and then find the others out there. I’m just worried about going out there in the skimpy dress I have on, soaked as I am, and the temperature certainly below freezing…
I start choking as the thick smoke fills the room enough to make it down to my level. My throat is instantly on fire and I know that frostbite is less of an issue than dying of chemical exposure. So, I turn back towards the exit and start to fight my way towards it. The restaurant is largely empty now, so the crowd shouldn’t be an issue…
I don’t even get the chance to take one step as I feel a strong arm surround me from behind—and a damp cloth cover my face.
I relax, since I assume it’s a fireman putting something over my face to keep the smoke out. I start to give a thumbs-up, but can’t seem to lift my hand.
Then everything goes black…
Wait! I know this story… It’s like just me, right? I start to relax…
Then, suddenly, the very real Klingon rushes me and starts pounding my head against the floor—over and over and over again. Harder and harder and harder. I know my skull is certainly about to split open!
I feel his hands pushing down on me—gripping my arms…
And…my eyes open…
I have trouble focusing. There are like several reasons for that. One, I have the killer-headache-to-end-all-killer-headaches. Second, something much worse than pink cotton candy has taken over my brain and it’s foggier than it ever has been. Third, it’s like quite dim wherever I am…
Then I hear a familiar voice, full of concern…
What? Ok, ok! Make that where ‘we’ are… Happy? You really need to get your priorities straight! You’re really worried about that, right now?
I groan and try and sit up. I feel a weight push me down and hear Dite say, “Jacie, slow down. You were knocked out with the same stuff I was. I think it was chloroform—or, at least something like it. Maybe ether with the headache I have…”
I groan again. My throat feels like someone poured acid down it and my lungs feel like they’re on fire. I already like mentioned my headache… Like right?
My eyes try and focus and I see a blurry Dite hovering over me—still pressing down on my arms and holding me down.
I croak, “What…? Where…? What happened?! Where are we?”
She shakes her head. At least I think she does—I still can’t see her clearly. She says, “I don’t know. I was standing at the door taking tickets. There was a lull in the line and the next thing I know, someone is pressing a cloth over my face. I woke up here—with you beside me. I just assumed that whoever took me did the same to you…”
I feel a panic attack coming on and struggle to sit up and croak, “Let me sit up, Dite. I like need to sit up!”
She gently helps me sit up and I pay for it with another nauseating round of migraine pain. I wait for the world—well, what I can see of it—to quit spinning and look at the blur that I’m pretty sure is Dite. “Then you don’t know anything about the fire?”
My vision must be clearing up, because Dite is becoming a little clearer—and, along with that, the obvious confusion and concern on her face as she asks, “Fire? What fire?”
I sigh and try and look around the gloomy surroundings. It seems we are like in some sort of long, narrow padded room and there are crates tightly stacked at one end. It’s neither hot, nor cold. There is a small light on the opposite end of the room from where the crates are stacked—it’s barely giving off any light and is flickering, like it’s running on a battery that is slowly going dead. There is no door visible—I assume it’s on the other side of the crates.
My brain is like still not capable of fully processing all of this and I shrug as I look back at Dite and try and focus on what had happened. “Apollo was like frantically looking around the restaurant. I assume it was for you—only I like had no idea at the time that you were missing. Then, all of the sudden, this black smoke started like pouring out of the kitchen and the fire alarm went off. There was like a mad rush of people like trying to get out and the smoke and sprinklers were like making a mess. I…I…I…somehow like got separated from Jillie and like pushed back to the restrooms where the smoke was like thicker. Then I like felt a strong arm like holding me. I like thought it was a fireman, but…the next thing I know is you’re like holding me down in this…wherever we are.”
I move my leg and notice the metal shackle around my ankle for the first time. There is like a short metal chain that goes through a thick metal ring in the floor and then to a shackle around Dite’s ankle.
Suddenly, the chill like really settles into my bones.
What? No, not from the ambient air temperature—like, from the reality that we have been kidnapped and are being held prisoner in some sort of padded room!
I look at Dite with the fear obvious in my eyes. She bites her lower lip and shrugs—obviously terrified, herself.
I crawl over to the side of the room—I can barely reach it with the chain holding me back—and try and pound on wall, but the padding is strong and thick. Dite says, “I’ve already tried calling for help. These pads must soundproof this room very well. I doubt people would hear us even if they were just outside these walls.”
I feel the now familiar signs of a panic attack coming on as my still cotton candy-stuffed brain like goes into overdrive with absurd thoughts.
What? What kind? Well, like that we’re being held on a Klingon ship in the cargo hold and it’s air-tight and we’re going to…
“Air! Dite—is this thing air-tight? I mean I like don’t see any light coming in! Is there any air?”
She visibly pales—even in the dim light—and shakes her head, “I don’t know. I hadn’t thought about that. But, if they were going to kill us, why do it that way?”
I feel the darkness start to descend on me as I float out the hatch without a space suit. My tether just broke.
What? I hadn’t even thought about someone wanting to kill us! I mean aside from the Klingon in my dreams, of course.
I feel Dite’s hand clamp down on mine—hard. Her long nails dig into my skin and the pain pulls me back into the ship—err, stops my descent into passing out. She says, “Stay with me, Jacie! We’re going to be alright. Like I said, if they wanted to hurt us, they would have by now. I just have no idea what it is they do want. I think it must have something to do with the threats Uncle Apollo has been receiving.”
I look at her in alarm as I rub the deep indentions her nails like made in my hands.
What? No. They aren’t bleeding!
Anyway, I blurt out, “Threats?”
She nods, “Mmmm-hmmm. About us, actually.”
I blink. I blink again. I blink, once more. “Us? What do you mean ‘us’?”
She shakes her head, “He wouldn’t say much. What I know is that he—well, the restaurant—was getting threats about supporting LGBT rights and having me work there—and contracting with PS2K, since you are in the band.”
I feel faint again.
What? No, this time I’m like pissed!
“And he didn’t think that was important enough to let us know about? Well, I guess I should say ‘me’, since you obviously did!” I don’t mean to take it out on Dite, but her uncle is not there for me to scream at, at the moment.
She takes my hand and shakes her head, “He went to the police and they told him that it’s not uncommon to get threats like that, but that there have never been any hate-related crimes—at least not LGBT-related ones—in our area. It was their advice to keep it quiet while they investigate. I’m sorry, Jacie—neither one of us meant for this to happen.”
I sigh as reason like sets in—well, maybe more reason—I’m still pissed. But, obviously Dite is in the same mess as me and I doubt that like either she or Apollo wanted that.
I sigh again, “OK, so what have they like found out? Do you think maybe enough to get us out of this mess?”
Dite shrugs and says, “I am not going to lie to you, anymore, Jacie—not that I really intended to lie to you before. I don’t know. They dealt with my uncle. He knows people from old Greece…and if anyone can get us out of this, it is him. Well, them…”
We move around and try to get comfortable. The best way we find is to like sit back to back and lean back on each other. The chain doesn’t allow much more than that—or lying down.
We sit brooding in silence for a bit, then I like can’t take the gloomy atmosphere, anymore. I need to like do something—or I know I will go crazy. Well, crazier than I already am.
What? I like already need two shrinks!
Anyway, I lean my head back on hers and ask, “So, Dite, what was it like being TG in Greece? I don’t know much about your country, but like conventional wisdom here in the States is that the country is pretty conservative.”
I feel her head shake and her shoulders shrug against mine. “I was lucky—I was in a very progressive area. I think it is like anywhere—there are areas that are enlightened in Greece and areas that are not. I don’t think that my experience would have been any different than yours if you had started your journey at age five, like I did. I actually knew as far back as I can remember—I just got up the courage to act on that knowledge when I was five. I had had enough of people treating me like a boy.”
I nod my head as thoughts like fly through the cotton candy fibers in my brain.
What? You know—like all sorts of ‘what-if’ scenarios.
Before they can take off and explode my brain, Dite breaks into the thoughts, “So, Jacie, I never got your full story. You knew early on, too—but then were bullied?”
I sigh and nod. I know she can feel it, since our heads are still supporting each other’s.
I take a deep breath and give her the Cliff Notes version of my ‘panty’ story.
Somewhere in the middle of the story, she like twists around and gives me a big hug. I can feel her tears drip on me as I finish my story.
She had like remained completely silent during my recounting of the story—something that I am becoming well practiced in, by now. When I’m like done, though, she exclaims, “Oh, Jacie! I am so sorry! I knew you had faced difficulties, but I had no idea. Kids can be so mean!”
She squeezes me again and we settle back into our back-to-back lounging position.
She sighs, “Like I said, I was lucky. I grew up in an area that was more tolerant of my condition. We still took a lot of precautions. When my parents figured out what my problem was when I was five, we moved to that area and ‘Aleksy’ ceased to exist—‘Aphrodite’ emerged and has never been forced back into Aleksy’s false existence, since.”
I sigh—those what-ifs start playing in part of the cotton candy fibers in my head again, while the other part like continues to pay attention to Dite’s story.
She swallows—trying to draw moisture into her mouth. When she continues, it’s like clear that she is as thirsty as I am. A cup of coffee sure would be great right now! That like starts a third concurrent thought pattern tracking down the pink fibers in my head.
Dite takes control of the dominant thought thread, “My parents never treated me like a boy again after that. No one else knew that I was born a biological boy, so everyone treated me like the girl that I am. Well, except for some family members. Even Uncle Apollo was distant, at first. But, after he figured out that this was the real me, he warmed up to me and became a staunch advocate of LGBT rights.”
She tries to draw more moisture into her mouth and continues on with a cracked voice, “I got on blockers and hormones as soon as my doctor would allow them and had my surgery at eighteen. I have never once regretted it—I have never had even one second thought.”
I sigh. I wish I could like say that. “That’s awesome how it worked out for you, Dite. I can’t say that I’m not having second thoughts! My shr…err, psychiatrists are telling me that’s likely mostly due to my bullying at my ‘awakening’, so to speak. But, there are no guarantees that’s like what is causing my doubts—nor that even if that is the cause and the bullying hadn’t happened, if I wouldn’t have grown out of it.”
I giggle, suddenly giddy, “If only I could take the Enterprise and slingshot around the sun to go back in time and stop that from happening…”
Dite giggles, too, “Well, you know what happened when McCoy messed with time…”
I am about to like blurt out something profound about her even knowing about that, when there is a sudden lurch that throws us off balance and…we’re moving!
We help each other sit up, only to be thrown over again as the vehicle makes a turn and then goes over several huge bumps—like throwing us around again. After several minutes of gathering a huge collection of bruises, it like smooths out-with only the vibration of the floor a clear indication that we’re moving.
We realize that we’re moving at what seems to be at a fast pace, if the initial acceleration that slid us back towards the crates is any indication. We also know that we’re moving on a smooth, fairly straight surface—like a highway or interstate.
That’s like bad enough that we’re being hauled off somewhere unknown. But we also realize that the air is getting thin. The giddiness from a few minutes ago is turning into our small, labored gasps for air!
I look at Dite and it’s clear she knows it, too. Neither of us says anything in the desperate, but clearly vain attempt to save what little oxygen is left in the container that’s clearly air-tight. I shake my head at the fact that like my weird Klingon thoughts from earlier were spot-on when it came to the crux of our problem.
What? No, there isn’t a Klingon! Really?
What? No! We’re not in a cargo hold on a Klingon ship! But we are in an air-tight container.
And we’re like running out of air.
Suddenly, we start choking as exhaust fumes come in through a vent that opens in the ceiling—followed by fresh air!
We take in gulps of the cold, brisk air that floods in and give each other a huge hug. The vent also lets daylight in—it seems to be like morning light. So, it’s been like at least six or more hours since the fire.
The vent closes and shuts out the fresh airflow—as well as the sunlight. We’re left with a new, but self-contained supply of air and the flickering little light in what is now clearly the front of the container.
Suddenly, I feel myself shaking—just craving that little view of freedom the open vent offered. Closing it off like just seemed to send the message that our situation is hopeless.
Dite like seems to sense my despair and says, “At least we know they don’t intend to kill us. As long as we are alive, there is hope, right?”
I shake my head and twist around to give her a hug. I fight back tears that seem to want to form—but it seems like even that little act is too much effort.
I realize like just how thirsty I am—and hungry.
I croak, my throat becoming more parched, “I thought that light coming through the vent was morning light, but I think it may have been evening light. We may have been knocked out longer than we like thought. I’m really hungry—but, worse, I’m thirsty. I wonder if whatever they used to knock us out with just like made that worse?”
Dite shrugs and nods, “I think you may be right. If so, we’ve been gone for around eighteen hours, give or take, now. If they were laying low during the day, then they would have had about six hours to get wherever it is they got to. If they drive all night, tonight, we would be hundreds of kilometers—maybe over a thousand—away from home!”
I feel a shiver run through my body and realize it’s not only because of the terror that statement like caused me…
What? You wouldn’t be terrified at being dragged hundreds of miles away from home, against your will, and with no idea where—or why? Really?
Anyway, I realize the temperature is like quickly dropping. Dite and I are both still dressed in our disco outfits—and they are not designed for warmth!
What? Our makeup? Like, O!M!G! Did you like really ask me that? Of course, it’s ruined! Like, really?
Anyway, I blurt out, “Like O!M!G!!! First they like try to suffocate us. They’re trying to starve us. Now, they’re like trying to freeze us!”
A crackly voice comes over an intercom that I hadn’t noticed before and I jump. It seems that Dite like hadn’t noticed it either judging by her equally high jump—and her shriek.
“Shut up youze two perverts. If it werz up to me, I would let you suffocate, starve and freeze—as long as it ended yourze miserable existence. Unfortunately, thatz not what I’m being paid to dooz.”
The front of one of the crates drops and reveals several bottles of water, a package of jerky, and a single blanket.
“Youze two perverts can get naked too-gedder and share the blanket. Itz going to getz a lot colder!”
The intercom shuts off and the maniacal laughter cuts out with it as we each grab a bottle of water and greedily drain it of its life-giving contents.
I look at the intercom, shudder again, and give Dite a scared look—which she like returns in spades.
We don’t say anything else, since it’s clear that the pervert driving us is listening in. It’s like clear, he’s a maniac and we don’t like want to give him any reasons to go off whatever contract it is he has and kill us.
But the cold is rapidly increasing and we realize that a refrigeration unit has been turned on! Dite whispers in my ear, “He was right, we need to get naked and under the blanket together to stay warm. I don’t trust the food or water, but we need something…”
I slowly nod and she quickly starts undressing. She must like notice my hesitation and turns to look at me, “Look Jacie, it is just us two girls. You don’t have anything that I haven’t seen—or had. And even if that were not the case, I am not sensitive about naked bodies. I go to the nude beaches in Greece all of the time!”
I shiver and blow out the air in my lungs, watching it form ‘smoke’, as we used to call it as young kids. I sigh and decide to get over my self-consciousness.
What? Other than my mother, Jillie is the only other girl that has seen me naked. And they’re like both very special cases!
I hesitate another second, then unzip my dress, since Dite is already fully in the nude, except for her panties that she would have to literally rip off because of the shackle on her ankle. She is pulling the blanket over herself and has the remaining bottles of water and the bag of jerky next to her.
I pull the dress over my head and undo my bra and let it drop, displaying my Borg boobs that are getting very cold. Unlike Dite’s nipples that are erect because of the cold, mine are like just in their ‘default’ position, which is oddly-enough erect—permanent ‘headlights’, as Jillie likes to joke about them.
I join Dite under the blanket and we move around so that we are laying side by side, the only way to get the blanket over us, chained as we are. We tuck it in under us, to counter the cold of the floor as best we can and I feel her warm, soft body next to mine.
I force myself to remember that this is not Jillie next to me—and squelch the fact that a real part of me wants to get erect. That, of course, starts a whole new round of self-incriminations. How can my body betray me—betray Jillie—like that?
What? I’m not like interested in Dite that way!
What? I’m not!
I mean…right? Just because she is a wonderfully beautiful and funny woman…
Dite smiles and opens a bottle of water and hands it to me. I greedily drink from it and take a handful of the jerky out of the bag that she has also opened.
We are both quiet for several minutes as we chew on the jerky and drink more water.
Then I suddenly can’t hold onto my bottle.
I drop it and things fade to black again…
The next thing I realize is that I’m in that bed alone.
The next thing I realize is that I’m like not alone.
My eyes snap open and I see Momma and Jillie sitting in chairs on either side of the bed. Both are asleep.
I’m in a hospital room of some sort. I’m not hooked up to anything except one of those like annoying finger-clip thingies that monitor your pulse.
What? You know the ones I’m talking about, right? They clip onto the end of your finger and just bug the begeebers out of you!
Anyway, once again, I’m completely lost.
The last thing I like remember is laying next to Dite and drinking some water in the back of a big rig…
I gasp. Dite!
I look around—she’s not in this room, anyway.
My gasp wakes both Momma and Jillie, who both rush over and smother me in a huge hug!
After I can breathe again…
What? They were smothering me!
What? No! I didn’t mind!
Anyway, when I can breathe again, I ask the very astute question that is on everyone’s mind, “What the Hell happened? Where am I? How long has it been? Who did this? Oh, and what the HELL?”
What? That’s like more than one question? So, like sue me!
Anyway, Momma and Jillie drag their chairs over and Momma pushes the nurse call button.
The nurse appears almost immediately and sees that I’m awake. She fusses over me, taking my vitals and stuff, then Momma asks, “Jacie, Hon, do you want a Diet, or some water? We can get you some food, too, I’m sure.”
I nod my head and say, “Could I have a cup of coffee to start? It just sounds really good.”
Momma looks perplexed and says, “Well, we can get ice in the Diet Pepsi. I can’t stand hot Pepsi!”
I give her a funny look.
What? I have no idea what she’s babbling on about!
Anyway, I shake my head, “No, I can’t stand it, either, but I would really like a cup of coffee, right now.”
Momma shakes her head, like the world suddenly doesn’t make sense anymore. I like certainly know how she feels!
The nurse says she will get me a cup of coffee and have some food brought up. Then she leaves.
Momma, still looking like the cat ate her canary, says, “Your Daddy will be here as soon as he can. He was on that business trip in Germany and had problems with the weather getting home.”
I nod and fairly burst out, “Momma! Where is ‘here’?”
Jillie squeezes my hand and says, “We’re in a small town in southwest Texas—not very far from the Mexican border.”
Momma nods, “That is where that bastard was taking you and Aphrodite—to Mexico. I guess you were to become TG porn stars. They would have hooked you on drugs and forced you to do their bidding. And before you ask, we don’t really know why—or who was behind it. The FBI is in on it, since it was a kidnapping across state borders and they are sure that the guy that had you was just a contract hire.”
I nod and say, “He told Dite and me as much. Is she OK? Dite, I mean? We…we…we thought we were going to die!”
Momma hugs me and Jillie squeezes my hand. Momma says, “She is fine. She was just drugged into unconsciousness, like you. The doctors thought it best to just let you sleep it off. You have been here in the hospital for several hours—you’ve likely been out for twenty-four, or more. The doctors said it was a heavy dose. The FBI thinks it was to keep you quiet while you were smuggled across the border. Normally, there isn’t much scrutiny going in to Mexico, but…”
She shrugs.
I nod and Jillie picks up the story, “It’s been three days since you were taken and we had all about died of despair, since no one had a clue of what was going on.”
Momma nods, “Apollo let the cat out of the bag that he had been threatened—well, the restaurant. Of course, we were all furious with him—until the police let us know that they were the ones that advised him to keep it quiet. Then we were furious with the police. We’ll deal with all of that later. Anyway, Apollo knows some…people. I’m not sure, but I think they are Greek Mafia, or something. They are the ones that tracked you down and tipped the FBI off, who raided the truck at the border crossing. A few minutes later and it would have become an international incident.”
She shudders.
The nurse comes in with my coffee and I politely refuse the cream or sugar and blow on the steaming cup of stuff from the nurse’s lounge and not the cafeteria. The nurse was clear on that—I’m getting the good stuff; and in a ceramic mug, too.
She leaves us alone as I take a grateful sip and Momma seems like she’s going to explode. I just look at her and ask, “What? It’s like just coffee!”
What? I don’t like get what the big deal is!
Momma sighs and says, “Well, this is a sidetrack, but one we need to go down. I have to really apologize to you, Jacie. When you were hypnotized by Rita and Gina, they set a post-hypnotic trigger in you to crave coffee if the correct phrase was said. They triggered it in your session as proof that the hypnosis was actually effective. At my insistence, they gave me the trigger phrase, because I had to know for myself… I triggered it in you—but then I forgot the reversal phrase! I got it from Rita at the Disco party and was going to free you of the compulsion at your next break… But then all of…this…happened.”
She shakes her head, “Rita was pretty sure that if you heard it—even while unconscious—that it would take effect. But you still wanted coffee when you woke up even though I whispered it to you earlier—so I just repeated it and you still want it!”
Suddenly, a huge block of worry drops from my shoulders as at least one thing makes sense! I grin at Momma and say, “So, that’s what that ‘hot Pepsi’ crap was about? I remember Rita saying that at the end of the session, too. I will have to have a word with them about forcing me to do things, though. That doesn’t give me a huge sense of trust.”
The pointed look I give Momma conveys the same point.
She hangs her head and says, “I know, Love. I’m ashamed of myself—and Rita and Gina were going to tell you. It’s my fault that they postponed that. I have no excuse—other than I was—am—worried about you and wanted incontrovertible proof that the hypnosis was effective.”
I nod.
What? Yes, I’m like totally irritated—but, I’m not like pissed. I sort of get it.
I think.
Anyway, I look at Momma and pointedly take a sip of coffee…
What? I guess all of it I drank while under the post-hypnotic compulsion made me actually develop a taste for it!
Anyway, I say, “OK, we can all have a group session on that one—later. What’s like the next step in finding out who really did this? I mean I like have some ideas…”
Jillie nods emphatically, “Like Greg & Co., or Hailey and her Dad…”
Momma shakes her head and is about to say something, when she’s cut off by a knock on the doorframe and a huge guy in a dark suit comes in. He nods and says, “Good evening, Ms. Alexander, I’m Special Agent Zachary Bender with the FBI. Are you up to talking for a bit while things are still fresh in your mind?”
I look at the good-looking young man in the well-cut, dark suit smiling at me.
What? Can I like help it if he looks good?
Anyway, I don’t really know that much about Special Agents in the FBI, but this guy like seems awfully young to be one! He has an olive-toned complexion, but like looks different than Apollo and Dite. I decide he must like be of Italian descent. His suit is perfect—another thing that doesn’t like jive with my vision of ‘FBI’—it’s like a million-dollar Italian suit.
I realize that I haven’t answered his question because of my musings and he just like keeps patiently standing at the door with a smile on his face.
I nod and he comes into the room. Momma gets up and motions for Jillie to follow her. She says, “Please be gentle with my daughter, Mr. Bender. She’s been through a lot. Jillie and I are going to the cafeteria for a pick-me-up. They’re bringing Jacie some food, too. I assume you won’t hinder her from consuming it?”
He smiles brightly, “No worries, Ms. Alexander. I’ll take special care with your daughter—and, no, she needs to eat. I would never stop her from doing so. I won’t even mind if she talks with her mouth full!”
I look at Jillie and roll my eyes.
What? It’s like I’m not right here in a bed in like the same room with them.
I can tell Jillie is suppressing a giggle as she turns to leave. I’m still not in a giggling mood, though. The fact that there is like an FBI special agent in the room with me is a stark reminder of why I’m in here, in the first place. I can’t shake the feeling that something is…off, though.
When Momma and Jillie have left, he looks at me and points to the chair Momma had been sitting in, “Do you mind if I have a seat, Ms. Alexander?”
I simply shake my head, still trying to like figure out what I can say to him—tell him to help figure this whole mess out. And still wondering why my non-existent Spidey-sense is ringing a five-alarm bell.
He takes a seat and pulls a small recording device from his pocket. He turns it on and says, “Interview number one with James Tiberius Amanda Christine Alexander, also known as Jacie. OK, now Ms. Alexander, do you mind if I record this session?”
I look at him blankly.
What? He just like used my full name that way—well, it’s not really even my full name anymore, since, legally I’m just plain-Jane Amanda Christine, now. But…how does he know…?
He just sits there and the pregnant pause is like being recorded as absolute silence on the recorder. Finally, completely frustrated with my lack of intuition, I nod.
He smiles and says, “OK, Ms. Alexander, this isn’t a tricorder, so it can’t pick up the fact that you’re nodding. Can you please verbally acknowledge that you’re OK with the recording?”
My eyes are like still too tired to escape—that doesn’t stop them from bulging, though.
What? You didn’t like catch the tricorder reference?
I sigh, “Yes, Special Agent Zac Bender, I Jacie Alexander am OK with you recording this session.”
He smiles again. I think it’s to disarm me. I mean it looks genuine enough, but it’s beginning to creep me out a bit. It’s just like slightly…off…
What? I mean he’s smiling like too much! And knowing enough about me to reference a tricorder? I mean he can’t just be a huge Star Trek fan, too.
Err…like right?
Anyway, he nods and says, “OK, then. Let’s get started. First, do you mind if I call you Jacie?”
I shake my head, then sigh, knowing what he is about to say. “No, Special Agent Zac Bender, I like don’t mind if you call me Jacie.”
That actually gets a laugh out of him. I’m not sure why—I didn’t intend for it to be funny.
He winks and says, “OK, then, Jacie. Why don’t you just call me Zac?”
I give him a slight double-take, but then nod, “OK,…Zac…”
What? Like I said before, I’m like slowly getting immune to the effects of adults asking me to call them by their first names. Even Momma doesn’t have the proverbial cow, anymore, when I do.
He grins. I feel a little creeped out, again.
Is he like hitting on me? Could that like be it? I don’t like have any idea what it’s like to be hit on by a guy… Especially, not like one twice as old as me!
Before I can like ponder that any deeper, there is a brief knock on the door and a Hispanic-looking lady in white scrubs wheels a cart in with a tray on it that is covered with a metal lid. She says in a strong Hispanic accent, “Ms. Alexander, I have some food for you. My orders were to make it light, so I hope you like egg drop soup and crackers. If you eat all of this, you may have pudding or ice cream for dessert. Your regular meal will be at five, anyway.”
She takes the lid off of the tray and my nose is hit with the heavenly smell of a strong chicken broth laced with garlic and onions. I take in an appreciative deep lungful of the smell and notice the little whisps of egg floating in the broth like white cotton candy.
What? I like know, right? I told you I have cotton candy in…errr…on the brain!
Ignoring Special Agent Zac Bender for the moment, I pick up the soup spoon and dip it into the broth and stir. Then I take a spoonful out of the bowl and blow on it. Knowing it’s like still too hot, I stick it my mouth anyway and wince as I nearly scald my tongue.
I let out a moan—partly in pain and partly in pleasure. I say, “This is good, …?”
She smiles and says, “Thank you, Ms. Alexander. My name is Manuela.”
I take another spoonful and stick it in my mouth. It burns my throat on the way down, but it like tastes so good, though!
I completely ignore Zac while I finish my soup and crackers. Manuela is simply standing there while I eat with a smile on her face. When I’m done, Manuela asks, “Pudding or ice cream?”
I smile, “Do you like have chocolate of either?”
She nods and says, “Sure we do! Both!”
I grin, “Ice cream it is, then!”
She nods gravely, like it was a serious choice, and says, “I will be right back!” She looks at me, then at Zac, as she picks up my tray and returns it to her cart. She seems to have some thought go through her mind but doesn’t like verbalize it, though. She nods and hurries off.
I look at Zac and he turns the recorder back on. I like hadn’t even noticed that it had been turned off.
He gives me another smile and I shudder.
What? I like know I’m probably just being paranoid—but, I’m suddenly wishing Manuela would hurry back. I certainly wish that Momma and Jacie hadn’t left. I look around for my phone, but, of course, it’s not around. I like haven’t seen it since before the disco party.
He breaks into my reverie, “OK, Jacie, now tell me what happened. How did all of this transpire—and what do you think precipitated it?”
I shrug and like tell him the story of the fire and being separated from Jillie, then the rag being put over my face—and waking up in the container.
He doesn’t break in or ask any questions. Just as I finish that part, Manuela comes in with my ice cream and I sigh in relief. Of course, they likely think it’s because I want the ice cream.
What? Of course, I want the ice cream! But I’m like getting seriously creepy vibes from Special Agent Zac Bender—and I don’t know why!
I take the bowl of ice cream from Manuela and say, “Thank you, Manuela. This is so good! Do you think you could look in the cafeteria and have my friend, Jillie—or my Momma—come in here? I like need my purse and I don’t know where it is.”
My heart is like pounding hard. I like know I’m just being an idiot, but, something like just doesn’t seem right.
Manuela nods and takes my empty bowl with her. I reach for the water pitcher on the little table beside my bed. Zac grabs a glass ahead of me and pours it full of water. He hands it to me with a smile and I nervously drink it down.
He says, “So, Jacie. You woke up in the container and never saw the person that took you, is that right?”
I just nod—then whisper, “Yes.”
I start like feeling warm and a little tingly, all over.
He says, “And you don’t know who might have done this to you, even though you’re a little pervert that has antagonized everyone in your school and unfairly gotten several thrown out. Even though, you’re living it high in that sham of a band that accepts the likes of you—flaunting yourself in public? Even though, you have a girlfriend that shunned a perfect boy and traded him in for a pervert like you? You really have no idea who might have done this, Jacie?”
He reaches over and pulls the nurse call button away from my reach as I struggle to breath. My airway is closing up and I don’t have the energy to move.
He puts his hand to his ear and nods. Then he says, “This session is over Mr. Alexander. Pretend all you want. Have a nice life. If you make it through today, always be looking over your shoulder—you never know where a Klingon might be hiding behind the mask of someone you trust. You will never be safe!”
He switches off the recording device and I like can barely see him leave the room through the thickening veil of darkness…
Momma is right there and puts a hand over my mouth and Jillie takes my hand and squeezes it.
Momma says, “It’s OK, Jacie. Don’t try and talk—the doctor can explain. They had to strap you down because you were flailing around so much.”
My heart is pounding, my throat is on fire on the inside and hurts like Hell on the outside.
Jillie says, “You almost died, Jacie! They had to do emergency surgery on you, but you will be fine! Stop thrashing around and they can take these restraints off!”
Someone I don’t know—obviously a doctor—comes over and like gives me a serious look. She says, “Hi, Jacie. We haven’t formally met, yet, since every time I have seen you, you were unconscious. My name is Vicky Rodriguez and I am your doctor.”
She slowly starts undoing the straps holding me down as she continues, “Now, like your Momma said, you can’t talk, right now. We had to temporarily paralyze your vocal cords so that they can heal. When Jillie here found you, you were deep in anaphylactic shock and your airway was completely shut off. We couldn’t get a tube down your throat and had to do an emergency tracheotomy.”
She looks at me and says, “Do you understand what that is? Please blink once for ‘yes’ and twice for ‘no’.”
My head is like spinning! Anaphylactic shock? Isn’t that like when you’re really allergic to something and have a reaction? I didn’t have anything that I was allergic to! And like a tracheotomy? That’s like where they cut through you’re throat and put a tube through the hole to breath. She said emergency—did they like stick a pen down my throat like they show on TV all of the time?
She is still looking at me, so I blink—once.
She nods, “OK. Because of the swelling, there was a slight mishap with your vocal cords and we then had to do some emergency surgery to fix them once the swelling went back down, which it quickly did with the appropriate medications.”
I blink.
She looks at me funny and asks, “Yes? Yes, what?”
I close my eyes in frustration. Is she like an idiot?? I wasn’t like blinking ‘yes’! It was surprised blink!
I open my eyes and force them to like stay open. I shrug and motion like I’m writing.
She smiles and says, “They’re bringing us a small whiteboard right now. Hang on just a little longer. We haven’t been able to figure out what you reacted to, though. The only thing we have on file—and your Momma knows about—is your severe allergy to MSG. Manuela, our cook, is adamant that there was no MSG in your soup. On top of that, we don’t even stock it in the hospital.”
There are like ten million thoughts going through my head as she talks.
What? Like what about Zac Bender? Where is he—I like don’t know what he did to me; but I like know he did it to me. And my voice? Will it be the same? I like mean, I don’t think I can sing—but how will this affect how others do? And…
At that moment, a young nurse brings in one of those small erasable whiteboards and hands it to me with a black marker.
I write on it, “What about Zac Bender? He did this!”
Momma says, “We don’t know where he went. The FBI says there is no Zac Bender that works for them—or was assigned to this case. There are now two armed policemen guarding your and Aphrodite’s doors and, trust me, no one gets passed me without me scrutinizing their badge and picture ID. I’m so sorry, Jacie, we should never have left you alone with him!”
I shake my head and write, “You couldn’t have known!”
She sobs, “But I should have checked!”
The doctor puts a hand on her shoulder and said, “Many people before you should have checked.”
Momma nods and says, “If Manuela hadn’t sent Jillie up here to look for your purse, you wouldn’t have made it.”
She sobs again and the doctor nods at the nurse, who gives Momma a little cup. Momma looks at her and the Doctor says, “It’s just a mild sedative, like we talked about. I think it’s time for you to take it.”
Momma sighs and takes the little cup, then a cup of water. She swallows the contents of both and sighs again.
I look at her, like shocked. Momma never takes medicine! This has like really gotten to her.
I feel the blood drain from my face as I remember the last words ‘Zac Bender’ uttered before I passed out. I write it down on the little board. Momma, Jillie, and the doctor’s faces all become pale.
Momma goes to the door and motions. Two men in loose-fitting dark suits come in. One is older and one is younger. Momma says, “Jacie, these are real FBI agents. I have verified that—believe me! This is Special Agent, Jerry Jones.” She points to the older man, then to the younger one and says, “And this is Agent Slim McMann.”
They both nod to me and the older guy says, “We’re sorry about this whole ordeal, Jacie. We’ll get to the bottom of it, though. We were back at our hotel waiting for you to wake up when this imposter was here. Something like that won’t happen again—not with the security layers we have in place, now. We thought the danger was over, since we killed the fellow that kidnapped you.”
Momma hands him the whiteboard and he reads it. He looks up at me in surprise, “He said this?”
I blink once and nod, just to like be safe.
I feel a chill go down my spine at the worried look that crosses his face. He says, “This is much more serious than I thought. We have a picture of the guy from the security cameras here in the building and just got word that he is an international assassin, Gio Franco, that is a part of the Italian mob. There was a pretty good chance that whatever he did to you would be successful, but it seems he intentionally left the door open for you to survive—otherwise you would be dead, right now. He is that good.”
I feel all hope of life drain from me at that very moment. I wonder if it wouldn’t have been better if he had succeeded—then all of this would be over, at least.
What? All of what, you ask? Like Hell if I know! But, at least it would be over!
What? Yeah, I do like kind of want to live to find out what it is about. But, I like don’t want to live in terror and paranoia the rest of my life.
Like Klingons? Really?
My head pops up and I motion for the whiteboard. I quickly erase the contents and ‘tell’ them about his Star Trek references and his use of my ‘full’ name.
Special Agent Jerry Jones scratches his head and says, “Well, it’s clear he has his background knowledge of you. So, he must know someone that was able to feed that to him.”
Jillie speaks up and says, “There aren’t very many people that know the story of the Klingon with the mask, though. Surely Rita or Gina aren’t in on this!”
Momma shakes her head and says, “No, I can’t believe that.” She then explains who they are and the significance of the story to the agents.
Agent Slim McMann says, “Well, I think we’ll like need to have a word with them, regardless. We’ll need your permission, though, since it’s medically confidential information.”
Momma nods.
Special Agent Jerry looks at me and asks, “If we get you a computer, can you type out everything you remember about your encounter with Gio, since you can’t talk right now?”
I blink once and nod my head. I like have no idea how it will help, but I’ll give it my best shot. All of this has me so lost. What did I like ever do to anyone to deserve this? All I wanted to do was wear panties when I was five!
What? Well, like now, too. What’s your point? That’s like worth killing me over? Really?
I sigh and take the computer that Agent Slim hands me. The agents leave me alone in the room with Jillie, Momma, and the doctor.
The doctor says, “Jacie, we’ll keep your vocal cords paralyzed for another day to let them rest, then we will let you slowly start talking again. Unfortunately, we had to significantly tighten them during the repair. Best case, that will just give you a higher voice, which won’t matter, since you’re now living as a girl. Worst case, it could be a shrill, or squeaky voice—sort of like Minnie Mouse. We’re confident that it will be fine—if you take it easy and don’t stress them until they’re fully healed, which will take a week, or two.”
You like can’t imagine the thoughts going through my head right now… “Ladies and Gentlemen, P2SK and their new Borg lead singer, Jacie Mouse!”
Jillie squeezes my hand and says, “Don’t worry, Hon! I like just know it will be OK! I just wish I could like kiss you right now!”
The doctor smiles and says, “Well, you can—but no tonsil-licking ones!” She giggles and says, “I will leave you to write your report.”
She turns and leaves. Momma says, “I need to go call your Daddy. He’s finally back in the country, now, and should be here tonight.”
I take the board and ask, “What day is it? Time?”
Momma says, “You lost another day in this whole ordeal. It’s Thursday and ten in the morning.”
I sigh and nod. Momma gives me a peck on the cheek and goes out into the hall, leaving me alone with Jillie. She squeezes my hand and gives me a hard kiss on the lips.
She looks in my eyes and says, “There’s like more where that came from—as soon as we can. Promise!”
What? Sure, I’ve like been knocked out and unconscious. Sure, I’ve like been ‘asleep’ a lot. But, I’m like mentally exhausted!
I glance at Jillie asleep in the chair next to my bed and smile—then grimace. I’m envious—sleep for me like means more dreams—well, nightmares to like be more exact.
I sigh and read through my ‘report’ one more time. It’s like as good as I’m going to get it. I still don’t like know what good it will do, but maybe it will…
What? Like, it could!
Err…right?
I glance over at Jillie and wish she were in the bed with me. I miss her warm body against mine…
I gasp, that reminds me of the warmth of Dite’s body against mine—and the fact that I like really liked it.
What? That like confuses the Hell out of me!
I look at Jillie and sigh. I think about Dite and sigh deeper. As Yoda would say, ‘Confused, I am!’
I blush and jump like I’m caught red-handed when there is a brief knock on the door and a beautiful Dite smiles in through the door. She comes in, wearing a short, pink, fuzzy robe over a short, silky, black nightgown and fuzzy pink slippers.
She comes in and gives me a big hug as Jillie wakes up and stretches with a yawn.
Dite says, “Hi, girl! I am glad to see you awake! I am so sorry about your voice and what happened!”
She looks around and lowers her voice to a whisper, “Uncle Apollo is talking to his…friends. The guy that did this to you is part of the rival…family. This is causing quite the stir—especially, since Uncle Apollo’s…friends don’t know why the Italians are involved. They are rivals, but there has been a long-standing truce. This could bring that truce to an end!”
Jillie comes over and gives Dite a hug and says, “It’s good to see you up and around, Dite. What’s this about rivals?”
Dite looks around in fear and shushes Jillie, “Shhhh! Not so loud. We really cannot trust anyone around here. I heard about what Gio said to you, Jacie. Uncle Apollo said not to take it lightly!”
I groan!
What? Of course, it wasn’t out loud! Now how would I do that? I mean, like really?
Anyway, that doesn’t make the groan any less real!
All thoughts of Dite snuggled up to me under a blanket evaporate. The cotton candy in my head is still thick, but becoming brittle as the cold from the sheer terror that is beginning to take over my mind turns it hard and it shatters, little by little.
These people attacking me are terrorists—and they’re like winning! My mind is like starting to seize up from the horror of what could happen.
My paranoia has like just been put on steroids!
I look past Dite to the door and see the two cops standing there. But, like are they on someone’s payroll? Are they like just waiting to let Gio back in to finish his job when no one is looking? It’s not like I could scream.
I feel a cold sweat break out on my forehead. Dite seems to like notice and says, “It is OK, Hon. Those two policemen are on my uncle’s…friends…side. So, that means they are on yours. You are adopted family now.”
Somehow, that like doesn’t make me feel better. Adopted ‘family’? Does that like mean I’m part of the Greek mafia, now? Like it, or not, I’m family? But then, I don’t think there is an old-Greek term for family… So, is that even what the Greek Mafiosi call themselves?
What? I’m digressing? I think it’s called displacing…
I sigh and look back at the cops. Suddenly, I wish I was Borg. Assimilated, or not, I would know what they were thinking… Well, Betazoid would work, too—without all of the assimilation issues…
What? I told you, it’s called displacement. If I’ve learned nothing from my shrink sessions, it’s what displacing means. Like, look it up if you’re so curious!
I see Apollo stop and talk to the cops at the door. He winks and laughs, then comes in and gives me a hug. He says, “It’s good to see you awake, Jacie. It will be even better to hear you talk—and sing—again.”
I shake my head and shrug, then take my whiteboard and ask, “The restaurant?”
He shrugs, “It will take some renovations to get it back in shape. Mostly smoke and water damage. There never really was a fire, just a lot of smoke. Whoever did this likely started the sprinklers with a lighter. It was all geared towards creating a panic.”
I shrug and write with a wry smile, “It worked!”
He laughs softly and says, “Yes, that it did. The main thing is that you’re both safe. And right now, you both are—trust me on that. There are some new…layers of security for while you’re in here.”
I pale.
What? I’m like no expert in mafias—Greek, or not. But, I don’t think ‘favors’ happen without a price. I’m just not sure who will like be expected to pay that price…
He hugs Dite and says, “Come on, Hon. Let’s let Jacie get some rest. I need to talk to you.” He looks at me and says, “Rest up, Hon. We’ll have you out of here and home in no time!”
Dite gives me a hug and I smell her clean scent—very close to what she smelled like when we were naked together. It causes my heart to skip and I feel my face burn red in shame at the thoughts that I can’t stop.
What? What thoughts? Errr… Some things are like private—this is one of those things!
They leave and Jillie comes over and gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Then she blows the cotton candy in my head to the moon—and beyond—when she says, “Y…y…you like her don’t you? I…I…I can understand that. She’s beautiful! I…I…I won’t stand in your way.”
It takes me a few seconds to like remember why I can’t get any words out when I try to answer her. I internally curse Gio What’s-His-Name and vigorously shake my head with an emphatic ‘no’!
I pull her into a hug and squeeze hard then take up the whiteboard. I write, “No! Doophus! I love you! Yes, I like Dite, but not like that!”
I hand the board to Jillie and she smiles—but I like think she doesn’t totally believe me.
What? Yeah, I like know… If I’m like confused as Hell myself, how am I like going to convince her, right?
Anyway, Jillie gives me a hug, but it seems…different…
I curse Gio What’s-His-Name and damn him to the darkest depths of Hell. Him and whoever is responsible for Dite’s and my kidnapping. I like wouldn’t be in this pickle if not for them!
Err, right?
Jillie says, “I like want to believe you, Jacie, but…” She shrugs and wipes a tear from her eye. She continues with a sniffle, “I saw how you looked at her just now.”
I shake my head and furiously wipe off the board. This is like so infuriating—and like totally frustrating—to have to communicate like this!
I write, “We will have to talk about this when I can. It isn’t like you think. I promise!”
She smiles and her eyes are still glistening, but the smile is more genuine. She nods and says, “OK, Hon. I believe you. I like was just so frustrated that I lost you at the restaurant and then you were gone without us knowing where. Then they found you naked under the blanket with her…”
I furiously wipe at the board again to explain and she gently grabs my hand. She says, “I know why you were—in my head. That like still isn’t totally making it down to my heart, though. I know you would have both likely died of hypothermia if you like hadn’t.”
I solemnly nod my head, pull my knees up to my chest and hug them. I rest my chin on my knees and blow the hair out of my eye in frustration.
Jillie giggles and I look at her. I guess the stress has like finally gotten to her!
She says, “You like just looked like one of the frustrated Disney Princesses! Sort of like Ariel when she couldn’t talk and get Eric to kiss her!”
I look at her…and grin.
She’s like back!
Errr…well, it’s like a start, anyways!
I wake up from my nap to the sound of Daddy coming through the door. He comes straight over and gives me a huge hug and I feel his tears dripping on my shoulder.
He just like keeps repeating over and over, “You’re safe! You’re safe! You’re safe…”
Finally, he pushes back from the hug and looks at me. He says, “I can’t believe you were in such danger and I was stuck in Europe and couldn’t be here to help!”
I shake my head and take up my whiteboard. I write, “There is nothing you could have done!”
He shakes his head and says, “I could have at least held your Mother’s hand.”
She hugs him from behind and says, “It wasn’t your fault, Hon. That is unless you can suddenly control the weather and used that as an excuse to stay away!”
He gives her a tired smile. I like guess it has become sort of a private joke between them.
I grin and write, “Weather Wizard!”
They both laugh and Jillie comes in at that moment. She looks around and asks, “What did I like miss?”
Momma tells her the joke and she smiles. I guess she’s like me—knows it’s some sort of private joke…
She comes over and gives me a hug and asks, “Have a good nap?”
I nod and my stomach growls.
And like right on cue, Manuela arrives with supper.
I hesitate as I take the first bite. Supposedly, the soup is what caused me to have the reaction before. I know Manuela likely didn’t like have anything to do with it, but my paranoia is like still very alive. Plus, they like still haven’t figured out how it did happen if it wasn’t her.
Momma notices my hesitation and says, “It’s OK, Hon. I really don’t think you have to worry about it.”
I look down at the soft foods…
What? Soft foods? You know, like mashed potatoes and gravy, things like that.
What? I like don’t know—I guess because my throat is still sensitive…
What? I like know they cut into my airway and not my esophagus. I mean…like, duh!
Anyway, I look at the food and shudder, then take a bite. I’m like hungry and they’re right here. If I’m going to have another reaction, at least they’ll be here to let someone know.
I sigh. It’s good. I like don’t think I will ever view food the same, though.
Momma just pats me knee and says, “It’ll be alright, Hon. You’ll see!”
I half-heartedly nod and take another bite.
When I swallow the last of the food on the plate and still like haven’t had a reaction, I feel like it may be OK.
Well, like this time.
I pick up my spoon and start on the chocolate pudding and purr.
What? I know I can’t like make any sounds, right now, But mental purrs like count, too! This stuff is seriously good!
I smile at Momma and Daddy gives me a hug. They tell me they’re going to a restaurant to eat and then back to the hotel for the night. Jillie is staying with me, though.
What? No not like in bed with me!
Well… I mean, like maybe just a little cuddling later…
Errr… Like, go away!
I watch Jillie texting on her phone and look at her with a scowl. My phone got lost in all of this and I like miss being able to socialize with the world. I love Jillie and all—but, at least I could text with the others and not rely on her relaying to me what the others are doing on break. I’m stuck here and can’t talk—let alone text. I pick up my whiteboard with a huff and write, “This is the worst spring break EVER!”
What? Why? Really?!?!?
First I get kidnapped, then I get locked up in the back of a semi and nearly frozen to death, then I almost die of an allergic reaction that was an intentional attack, and I like can’t talk because my vocal cords got messed up when they were saving me.
Does that like sound like a great spring break to you? Huh? Does it?!?! Well, like does it?!?!?!?
Anyway, Jillie sighs as she reads my message and gives me a kiss. I’m lying in the bed and so, my foot can’t pop, but that doesn’t stop it from trying!
She sighs, “I know, Hon. But, at least it is break—otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to come be with you. This way you aren’t getting behind in school, either. We may still miss a couple of days when it starts back up in Monday, but the band will send us any notes and assignments for us to catch up on.”
I scowl deeper. This like sucks!
What? No! I’m like not in a good mood!
What? Why not? The doctors promised to lift my talking ban this morning. It’s after lunch and my chords are still in their medically-induced paralysis. Momma and Daddy are back at the hotel catching up on things, since they’re missing work, and no one is telling me anything. After a quick examination of my throat by the doctor this morning, it’s just been Jillie and me…
Well, and my guards outside the door.
Thoughts race through the cotton candy fibers in my brain that just don’t do Jillie’s kiss justice. I can’t like fully concentrate on it. I like want to talk, but I’m like really not sure I want to know what has happened to my voice! I don’t like particularly want to sound like Jacie Mouse and it seems that’s like a distinct possibility after the emergency surgery.
What? I need to make up my mind! Like who asked you for your opinion?
I’m like just getting back into concentrating on the kiss when we both jump out of our skins at the exaggerated clearing of someone’s throat.
Jillie like shows off cat-like abilities as she jumps straight up and off of me. There is a loud smack as the seal of our lip-lock breaks. She turns in mid-air and comes down in a crouching-tiger-like position. I like am not sure if it was intentional, or not—it sure looks impressive, though.
My eyes quickly refocus on the interloper and see that it’s Doctor Rodriguez standing there with a mix of smirk and knowing smile on her face.
She says, “Well, Jacie, I was going to see if you were ready to try talking yet, but I can come back later. It seems you are engaging in deep-tissue massage therapy, right now. I never interrupt a Doctor at work!”
Jillie gets a funny look on her face, then can’t help but giggle.
I like just roll my eyes and open and close the fingers and my thumb—like my hand is talking. I point at myself and mouth, “I am ready,” as I emphatically nod my head.
It’s Dr. Rodriguez’ turn to giggle, then she says, “OK. Well, then. Let’s see what we’ve got. I discontinued the paralytic after my examination this morning and it should have worn off by now. Let me take one more look before you try anything, though!”
I take a deep breath and nod. My heart is beating like the combined drumlines at a fierce Southern football band competition!
What? Like… Will she like let me talk? Will I like sound normal? How different will I sound? Please don’t let me sound like Minnie Mouse!
What? Minnie Mouse is better than No Mouse? Really?
Dr. Rodriguez tells me to ‘open wide’ and I stretch my mouth as wide open as I can.
She uses a tongue depressor and shines a light down my throat looking at heavens knows what. After a little bit, she says, “OK, Jacie. Take it easy. Give me a quiet ‘Ahhhhh’.”
I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. It like takes all of my will power to not try and just scream out loud! I slowly let my breath out and make the meekest of sounds possible. You can barely hear the sound, it’s like so quiet, “Ahhhhhh….”
She nods, “Good girl! Now, slowly ramp it up.”
I like can already tell my voice is not the same…
What? It like just feels different…
I take in another breath and slowly give the sound more and power—until I am at a normal volume.
Jillie lets out a little gasp—which like confirms my suspicion that it’s not the same. At least I didn’t hear a squeak coming from my mouth.
What? I was afraid it might sound like nails on a chalkboard—or something like that!
Anyway, Dr. Rodriguez says, “OK, Jacie. How does it feel?”
My hands like automatically go to my throat as she removes the tongue depressor. I shrug and gently clear my throat, feeling the vibration on my fingers lightly laying on it.
I let out a sigh. I like can talk! But…
I say, “I…I…I guess it feels…OK. Just like…different!”
I can hear my own words register in my ears at a much higher pitch than I’m like used to.
Jillie smiles and says, “Well, Hon—you’re not going to have any problems singing the soprano parts, now! You’ll kill the Bee Gee songs without even trying!”
I feel the blood like rush from my face! I like knew it was high, but that’s like really high! What if I decide… I mean… What if Jacie isn’t…
What? It would be really hard to sound like a guy like that! I’m like just saying!
Jillie had recorded my first sounds on her phone and I squeeze my eyes shut and nod for her to play them back.
I hear the voice come out of the speaker and the few remaining droplets of blood left in my face rush to my toes!
What? No… It’s like not Jacie Mouse!
The voice is clear as a bell—Angelic in quality. I think the Bee Gees would nearly be contralto compared to my new voice. Like, think the highest-of-the-high operatic fat ladies! And it’s like Jillie said, I’m like not even trying to go high. I like have no doubt I could shatter glass if I tried, now.
Dr. Rodriguez says, “Are you OK, Hon? I have nothing to compare your voice to from before, but you do seem to have a perfectly clear soprano voice, now. Is that bad?”
I shudder and Jillie says, “Hang on, Doc.”
I open my eyes and watch Jillie search through files on her phone. She pulls up a video of the band playing Night Fever. I’m singing—at my previous highest pitch, which would barely have qualified as soprano. There’s no doubt that I used to be mezzo-soprano.
Dr. Rodriguez nods and Jillie pulls up another video of us goofing around. I’m talking in my normal… Well, my…old voice… It’s clearly lower. I must be a whole octave higher, now—at least!
Dr. Rodriguez purses her lips and says, “Well, that is quite the difference, but it’s very clear—so, it won’t hurt your singing, right?”
I sigh and say, cringing as I can’t help but hone in on my new higher pitch, “No, I like suppose not. But, I…I…umm…I haven’t fully committed to being Jacie…”
Jillie gives me a double-take, “James Tiberius Amanda Christine Jacie Alexander! Since when?”
It’s Dr. Rodriguez’ turn to give her a double-take. I like almost giggle—but like only almost.
I shrug, “Listen to yourself, Jillie. Even you haven’t fully committed to me being Jacie in your mind. You still prefix my full name with ‘James Tiberius’.
She blusters, “But that’s different!”
I like just give her a look that clearly communicates my ‘Really?’ without me having to use my ‘new’ pipes.
Dr. Rodriguez jumps in, “I didn’t know, Jacie. I was under the impression that you were fully committed. I was even discussing getting you on hormones a little early with your doctors back home. I know that you’ve been having emotional issues. There are downsides to puberty suppressants—and putting you on female hormones has a short-term hypersensitizing effect on your emotions, but that quickly settles and the hormones help you mentally cope as your body and mind develops as it should—at least that’s my experience with similar cases as yours. This changes things, though.”
I sigh, “Welcome to my world, Doc. I’m like so screwed up that I have two shrinks!”
She gives me a sour look.
I shrug, “Sorry, psychologists! But, like you know what I mean. I’m fairly certain this is like the real me, but…”
She nods, “OK, well, your voice will mature once you go through puberty—no matter which way you go. It however won’t really change the fact that you are going to be a high soprano the rest of your life, though. Testosterone would likely deepen it slightly, but not significantly, I’m afraid, with the tightening we had to do. The damage was too extensive to even contemplate operating again—you could permanently lose your voice if we tried.”
I feel the tears well up in my eyes.
What? I like don’t know why! I like don’t know anything right now, other than like it seems another choice has been taken away from me! It should like be my choice! Even if it’s like the right thing for me—it should be my choice!
Suddenly, I like can’t stop the tears. Jillie pulls me into a hug and Dr. Rodriguez says, “I’m sorry, Hon. I truly am!”
My face is buried in Jillie’s shoulder and my tears are soaking through her t-shirt. I hear the gasp come from the door and Momma’s voice, “Jacie, Hon! What’s wrong? Dr. Rodriguez is it her voice? She can talk, right?”
I shake my head and keep it buried in Jillie’s shoulder. I hear Daddy growl, “What’s going on? Somebody say something!”
I lift my head and wail, “What do you want me to say, Daddy?”
I watch him like fall into the nearest chair in shock and Momma comes over and pulls me and Jillie into a group hug as I continue to sob.
I toss and turn and get all tangled up in the covers.
Jillie mumbles, “What is it, Hon? Can’t sleep?”
She pulls me into an embrace in our bed and gives me a toe-curling kiss, then says, “I can fix that!”
What? No! We’re not like in the bed at the hospital! Are you like stupid?
With my vocal cord surgery deemed a ‘success’ and my other health considered OK after my kidnapping, I was released this—I like think it’s still this—afternoon. I look at the clock and see it was actually yesterday afternoon, since it’s now like 1:32 a.m.
Jillie and I are sharing a room with two queen beds at Momma and Daddy’s hotel.
What? Of course, we like made it look like we’re sleeping in separate beds!
What? I like don’t know if they’ll believe it. I like honestly don’t care!
Anyway, I let Jillie curl my toes with her kiss and…
What? No! No more details!
What? Well, OK! Details? You want details? I’ll give you details!
I slept like a baby the rest of the night! Err…after about three, that is…
Well, and like except for the nightmares about being the fat lady in the opera…
So far, the ride home is like…well…boring. And we just got started!
I’m like being quiet—both because I’m still supposed to take it easy on my vocal cords and because I like don’t want to hear what they produce when I do use them! I like still cringe at the sound of my own voice!
What? Yeah, Jillie is in the car with us. What’s like your point? Oh… Yeah, we plan on doing some of that…
Anyway, there’s a procession of sorts. There’s a ‘non-descript’…
What? Why the air quotes? Well, if you’ll like let me finish…
There’s a ‘non-descript’ black car out front. Like with the FBI agents in it; like that kind of non-descript. You like know… ‘Men in Black’…
Behind that car is Apollo and Dite, followed by us, followed by another ‘non-descript’ black car. There are like other really non-descript cars out there, as well, according to Apollo.
What? Yeah with his ‘friends’. Both the FBI and his friends insisted on escorting us home after what happened yesterday. The FBI thought it best to get back to our home turf ahead of schedule.
What? What happened? Oh right, I like forget that you have issues keeping up… No worries, though. Like even I am having issues keeping up like with all of this!
So, Agent Slim caught a lucky break when he came to pick up the laptop that I had made all of my notes on. I had already been discharged and had left it on the little table next to the bed. Since it was like encrypted and under the supervision of the charge nurse, he was like OK with that.
Anyway, when he goes in to pick it up, there was some like feedback on his comms mic.
What? His words, like not mine!
Anyway, he quickly discovered a bug hidden on the underside of the table. He was able to trace the signal to a repeater and then to the kitchen. The dishwasher still like had his earpiece in even though I was gone.
They like still haven’t been able to get anything out of him but are like confident he sneaked the MSG into my soup. They like surmise that Gio placed the bug in my room when he came to ‘interview’ me. Everything being said in my room was like being monitored by this creep and recorded on his phone and sent to the cloud. The FBI is working on a warrant to get access to the account, but his is like encrypted and he won’t give them access. They can’t break in…
What? Why is that like hard to keep up with? Well, like you couldn’t, right? I had to like explain it again.
Anyway, it like gets weirder. The dishwasher, so it like seems, is tied to the Mexican drug cartels. The ones that Dite and were going to be delivered to. Again, they seem to be working with the Italian Mafia, who is working against the Greek one—even though there is a supposed truce. The Greeks are like on my side, which only complicates matters for me, since now I have ties to the Mafia—implicit, or not. Intentional, or not. Consented, or not.
It’s like enough for me to wish for the days of only worrying about the Borg! These suckers are like for real!
What? Yeah, that’s like the worst part. I still like have no effing idea why!
What? Language? Are you like really starting with that again? Do you like want to know what happens, or not?
Anyway, I look out the window and sigh. I’ll never have good feelings about Texas again—and certainly hope I never set foot in Alpine ever again. The people at the Medical Center there were terrific. Well, mostly—save for a certain creep of a dishwasher…
What? I like know it’s not Texas’s fault! But, like, well…you know…
Anyway, I see the sign announcing that we’re entering New Mexico and sigh again. It’s still a long way home.
I look back over at Jillie, who has a scowl of her own on her face, today.
What? Why? Well, I was like getting to that!
Anyway, she’s like staring at the menu on her phone—in particular at one app.
On a hunch, Special Agent Jerry checked her phone after they found the bug in my room.
What? Why? It had like something to do Mafia’s M.O., or something.
Anyway, he found this like little app that no one pays attention to on her phone. She didn’t like install it and has no idea where it came from. According to him, it like lets someone take control of her phone and turn on the camera or microphone without her knowing. Whoever is like controlling it, can video record anything she’s doing and track where she’s at while doing it. In essence, it like turns her phone into a sophisticated bug. It also like has the capability of transferring to other phones.
Special Agent Jerry checked Momma’s and Daddy’s phones, too. They don’t have the app on theirs. Dite’s and Apollo’s do. There’s like no way to know if mine did, or not, since it has disappeared. Mr. Jerry thinks that either my phone—or Dite’s—was the origin.
What? Yeah, Dite’s phone like was lost, too. Apollo got her a new one and as soon as she reinstalled everything from her cloud backup, the app was there. The FBI says that means that either the app has been on our phones for a long time, or it was installed after they kidnapped us, but before they destroyed our phones. Both Dite and I use fingerprint protection, but it would have like been easy to use our fingers to unlock the phones when we were unconscious.
What? Mine? Yeah, well the creep that kidnapped us could have taken it from my purse in the back before like starting the diversion… Dite had hers on her at the door while taking tickets.
Anyway, they like want to check my friends’ phones at home, too. They like think that will help figure some things out. Like why don’t Momma’s and Daddy’s have it? If there are certain friends that do—and others that don’t, like what does that mean?
What? Why doesn’t Jillie like just delete the app? Well, the FBI like asked her to keep it on there, so we like don’t tip anyone off that we know. They like installed an app of their own that lets them control the controller app…
What? I like told you it’s complicated!
Anyway, the app records the files and transmits them at certain times during the night, when the phone is charging to make it less noticeable. They will replace those files with scripted ones of their own to be transmitted. We can like feed the idiots doing this with false information. They made sure that like none of us give our friends a heads-up on this until they like can like be coached on what to do and say…
Not that I like could, anyway. I still like don’t have a phone!
We pull into the hotel right outside of Phoenix. We all climb out and like stretch big time! We go into the nearly-empty diner for a late supper after we check in and the FBI makes sure it’s OK. There’s no sight of Apollo’s ‘friends’, but I’m like sure they’re around somewhere close-by.
I like nearly jump out of my skin with joy, though, when Special Agent Jerry hands me a box with a new phone it. He pulls me aside and says, “Jacie, as soon as you reinstall everything from the cloud, the app may or may not be there. You know what to look for. It’s very important that you don’t let on that you know it’s on there, if it is. The phone is activated and you can set it up while we eat. If the app is on your phone, we’ll install ours before we leave the diner, OK?”
I nod vigorously. I like a have a phone again! I’ll be back in touch!
What? So what if that’s like really more important to girls? What’s your point?
We all order and I nervously set up my phone while Special Agent Jerry watches from across the table. It like gives me something to do besides thinking about my voice—or the fact that we’re all squeezed up at the table and Dite’s thigh keeps caressing mine as she moves.
Anyway, as soon as the apps are all reinstalled from the cloud, I check—and sure enough, the app is like right there!
I nod to Special Agent Jerry, who quietly comes over and hands me the instructions on how to download a special ‘game’ from the app store. Once it’s like installed, he checks something on his phone and nods. He now has control of the app on my phone.
I sigh. I’m like not an actor! This is like going to be hard. I can like now text again, but I can’t like say anything!
That doesn’t like stop me from blasting out a group text to the band that I’m sociable again!
I like spend the first half hour after supper in our suite’s common area responding to the various texts that I get back from my friends. Momma just shakes her head as she like watches Jillie and me cuddled up on the love seat. We’re texting in a group chat—that we’re like both in—without actually talking to each other.
What? I like know! Right? I like don’t get the problem either! It’s not like we’re not communicating with each other!
Besides, it like keeps me from having to like actually talk—and hear my voice. I haven’t like thought of the Borg in a couple of days—but it’s like they’ve programmed in a new voice for me. And like, once again, I had no choice…
Jillie notices my like hesitation in answering the last text and squeezes me in a hug. Then she like decides to communicate in other ways.
What? Well, I like think she is trying to see if we can like transfer thoughts by sticking our tongues down each other’s throats…
What? No! No more details!
The next day, Momma drives the Q7 while Daddy takes a nap. Like I guess he didn’t sleep well. I like don’t get it. Jillie and I didn’t have any issues with the bed in our room! Not that we were like really paying attention to it, though…
What? I told you! No more details!
Anyway, we’re like all totally dead by the time the familiar fog of the bay area becomes visible. When Daddy like finally pulls into the garage at almost seven o’clock, we all fairly like leap out of the car.
We had like split up as we came into town and Apollo drove to their house across town—with Agent Slim following him and Dite. Special Agent Jerry followed us home and he now walks across the yards with Jillie and me to her house.
As soon as we enter, we’re like mobbed by everyone in the band! After tearful hellos and looks of amazement as I tell my story—cringing the whole time at my voice—Special Agent Jerry whispers into my ear, “Have everyone quietly put their phones in this box.”
I whisper to Jillie to help and we go around and quickly get the whole group to do so while quickly shutting down any questions with a look. As soon as all of the phones are in the box, Special Agent Jerry closes the lid and says, “I know you’re wondering why we did that…”
And he quickly lets the group in on the issue of the apps. One-by-one he checks the phones and finds that like all of them are infected with the app—except for Jillie’s parents’ phones.
He quickly explains the plan to use the app against the crazies and everyone is like onboard with doing what’s needed—so everyone like installs the new ‘game’ on their phone that Jillie ‘discovered’ while waiting for me to wake up…
Unfortunately, we’re like no closer to knowing who or what started this whole thing. All we like know is that only my friends in the band—and Apollo and Dite—are the ones with the app…
I walk back home with Special Agent Jerry around ten-thirty after everyone leaves—and Jillie and I kiss each other good night. I’m going to miss sleeping with her tonight—I like could get used to having her in bed with me all the time…
What? Did you like have to go there? Really? I mean, like yeah! Dite was great to sleep with, too… Now, go like jump off a cliff!
Anyway, when we get home, Daddy is just turning off the news. He says, “Well, Hon, I had decided to keep you home from school tomorrow anyway. We need to take a trip into the city… As it is, though, it looks like you may get some extra time for spring break to make up for missing the real one!”
I give him a confuse look, “Like really? Why’s that, Daddy?”
He says, “Well, it seems the teachers are totally fed up, now, and there’s a nation-wide strike. It seems unlikely that you’ll have any school this week.”
I sigh—then smile…
It seems I’m getting a reprieve from having to face the Klingons at school. I’m not sure that my new Black Canary voice is ready for prime time, just yet…
I take the last sip of coffee from my large travel mug a look at Daddy as he puts the car into ‘park’. The drive had taken a little under an hour and now I like have to pee really bad.
He smiles back at me and says, “Ready?”
I nod and say, “I like hope they have a little girl’s room!”
He rolls his eyes, “Come on then! I’ve been wanting to introduce you for a long time, but I had hoped it would have been under better circumstances!”
I follow him into the building and immediately spy the restroom. I like make a beeline for it!
Much relieved, I like come out and see Daddy shaking hands with a nice-looking older gentleman. I hear him telling him that Momma couldn’t come because she had to work. Daddy waves me over and says, “Jacie, I’d like you meet an old friend of mine, Barnabas Jones! He has been our family lawyer for ages—well before you were born!”
The man smiles and gives my hand a gentle shake. He says, “Your Daddy has told me all about you—and has caught me up on what’s going on. I have a strict policy against bringing cell phones into my private office, so would you mind placing yours into this lock box? I assure you it will be fine—and right there when you’re ready to go. Trust me! I know how important they are to teenager girls!”
He winks at me and I smile. I place my phone into the lockbox along with Daddy’s. Mr. Jones closes the box and laughs, “Of course, that’s bogus—I don’t really have a ridiculous policy like that!”
I giggle, “Nice move, though, Mr. Jones.”
He laughs, “Jacie, Mr. Jones was my Grand-Pappy! Call me Barn—or Uncle Barn, if you rather.”
I nod, “OK, Uncle Barn. I like am getting more and more used to grown-ups asking me to call them by their first name. But it’s like still weird!”
He nods and says, “I know another little girl that thinks the exact same way… Anyway, we need to go through some legal things—then I want to introduce you to Rock Ford, my new detective associate. He is new to my team, since my long-time associate, Chuck Connors, moved to New York to head up the detective work at that office. He’s actually going to be in town this morning, though. George, you remember Chuck, right?”
Daddy nods and says, “Of course! It’ll be great to see him. So, he’s in New York, now?”
We go into Mr… Uncle Barn’s office and sit down while he and Daddy chat about Mr. Connors. I smell the coffee on the way in and he notices me sniffing it.
Ten minutes later, we’re all sitting again with a fresh cup of coffee and I can’t help but wonder who sits at the desk out front and if they like would normally be the one bringing in the coffee…
Anyway, we like go through a bunch of boring legal stuff…
What? Like, wills and stuff…
Anyway, after like about an hour—it seems more like three—there’s a light knock on the door and it opens a little. A pretty woman pokes her head in and says, “Sorry to interrupt, Hon, but we’re here.”
Daddy turns and looks at the woman, then jumps and says, “Brea! Congratulations, once again!”
She comes in and gives Daddy a giggle and a friendly hug then looks at me. Daddy says, “Brea, meet my...daughter, Jacie.”
I like notice the slight hesitation before the word ‘daughter’. I like don’t hold it against him, though—I’m like still trying figure that out, too.
Anyway, the woman smiles at me and says, “Hello, Jacie. It’s nice to finally meet you! Do you mind if I give you a hug? I’ve known your Momma and Daddy for a long time…”
Stunned, I like shake my head that I don’t mind and she gives me a friendly hug.
Uncle Barn says, “It may be a good time for a break…”
Brea says, “Yes, I’ll put on some fresh coffee. What would you like, Jacie? We have sodas…”
I say, “If you don’t mind, Ma’am, I’d like some more coffee?”
She giggles and says, “OK, then! But, only if you call me Brea! Aunt, if you must—I know how you young teenagers can be…”
I say, “Deal! Aunt Brea…”
She smiles and says, “I bet you’d like to get away from us old fuddy-duddies and socialize with someone your own age for a bit?”
I smile, like not knowing where she is going with this…
She opens the door and says, “Come on in, girls!”
I step back like in the nick of time as a blond whirlwind storms in, closely followed by an Asian-looking girl. Both rush over to Uncle Barn and he takes them into a huge hug.
They both shout, “Uncle Barn!”
At the same time, he says, “Day! Kim! Welcome to San Fran! It’s so great you could both come!”
So…
By now everyone knows that this is where the west coast and the east coast merge into one universe. Reading Amadeus Irina is not absolutely necessary to keep up with what is going on, but to be fair, I have to let you know that this was the plan all along. The characters will be occasionally intermingled—more than a simple cross-over, but not enough that you have to follow both stories to understand what is ultimately going on…
HUGS!
Shauna
I look across the conference room table at the very prim and proper blond girl and nearly like choke at what she just said, “Like wait! You’re telling me that you travelled from here to New York City on your own and lived on the streets by yourself for a year? You’re like kidding me, right?”
The other girl, Kim, shakes her head and says, “She’s so not kidding! But, now tell us! What did Uncle Barn like mean by ‘you have a lot in common with Day—but more with her sister’?”
I shrug and say, “I like have no idea! I mean, I like don’t know anything about your sister, Day.”
She shakes her head and says, “Well, like me—well…us, I guess—she’s TG. So, we both have that in common. I’m also still struggling with my decision to transition—something I believe you’re also struggling with. Another commonality between us. I play nearly any stringed instrument and dance classical ballet. Not something we have in common—neither you and I, nor my sister and I. She can sing like an angel? Can you like sing?”
I shrug, “I’m the co-lead singer in a small local band. People seem to like think I can. I’m not so convinced. Then, there’s like the fact that I just had to have emergency surgery on my vocal chords after I was kidnapped and nearly murdered. I didn’t sound like this before—I was more a mezzo-soprano.”
It’s Kim’s turn to choke, “You were kidnapped? By whom? How did you get away?”
I shudder and take a sip of the freshly brewed coffee. I was like surprised when both Day and Kim also opted to have some, since Uncle Barn was out of tea. I sigh and quickly tell them the ‘safe’ version of my last week in Hell.
Kim blanches and Day nods as I finish, “Well, that explains Uncle Barn’s statement. Em, my sister, was held captive by a Mexican drug cartel, hooked on a synthetic designer form of Cocaine, and was being forced into prostitution. If it hadn’t been for Uncle Chuck out there, she would, at the very least be a drug-addicted prostitute, right now—more likely, she would be dead, though.”
I notice Kim like visibly shudder. She looks at me and says a little defiantly, “Em is Day’s sister, but she’s my life. Day and I are best friends—Em is the love of my life, though. I hope that doesn’t freak you out!”
I smile and shake my head, “Why? Like, should it?”
Kim gives me a dangerous look—like she’s going to pounce on me and rip my throat out. She’s certainly a little hot-headed, that one!
What? I didn’t like ask it in a sarcastic way! I like don’t get it either!
Day puts her hand on Kim’s shoulder and it seems to calm her down. Day says, “Well, not everyone understands two girls liking each other—throw in that one is TG, then that just adds fuel to their fire.”
I giggle, “Well, that would like be very hypocritical of me if it did, seeing as how I’m like...errr…very possibly TG and I have a very steady girlfriend. And, no, before you like ask, we hooked up after I became Jacie—well Chrissy, at the time.”
Of course, that leads me to having to tell them that story, although it’s the short version and I leave out the parts with my…issues.
Day giggles when I’m done and says, “So, Jacie is a mix of James and Chrissy? Cute! I guess that’s one more thing we have in common—mixing our boy and girl names. My nickname has always been ‘Day’, but short for Amadeus before—now for Amadea.”
I smile and ask, “So, you like really used to live around here, huh?”
She nods and says, “Yes. Only about 15 miles from here, actually—in a small town called Darling City.”
I gasp.
Kim asks, “What’s wrong, Jacie? Are you OK?”
I nod and say, “I…umm…we live in Darling City!”
Day shakes her head and says, “Wow! I guess that’s another thing we have in common. I think it would be too much of a coincidence if you knew anyone I know…knew…”
I shrug, “Where did you go to school? I don’t like remember an Amadeus… I like think I would…”
She sighs, “I didn’t go to public school—I went to St. James Academy. Father thought it best…”
I say, “Yeah, I know the type… Anyway, I like really only know one person that goes to St. James—John Uptain…”
I look at Day as she slumps into Kim and nearly hurt my throat as I semi-shout, “Day! Are you OK?”
She’s visibly shaken and pale. She finally looks at me and says, “John was my best friend before I… I didn’t have a lot of friends… He was the only one that I really ever thought of as a true one…”
I feel myself pale and say, “John’s in our band, PS2K. He plays…”
Day says, “Bass guitar. There’s no one better. Trust me.”
Kim gives her a double-take, “I need to meet this guy if you say that!”
Day shakes her head, “That would be more than…awkward. I’ve not talked to John, since… Well, since my ‘journey’.”
Kim gives her a hug and I say, “Well, I’ve only known John for a few months, but I can’t see him holding what happened to you against you, Day. I like think he would love to see you and like get a chance to catch up—unless, like you don’t want to…”
She sighs and shakes her head, “No! I would love nothing more than to talk to him. I’ve always felt guilty about not letting him know…”
I nod and pick up my cup of coffee and start to take a sip when she continues with a giggle, “Now, all you need to make this a perfect storm is tell me you know my old next door neighbor, Mitsi Myers!”
I shriek as the hot coffee burns my leg from where the cup shatters after I drop it!
My new ‘Aunt’ Mindy comes rushing into the conference room and demands to know, “What’s going on in here, girls?”
She sees my soaked and steaming jeans and quickly pulls me to the girl’s room to put cold water on my thigh after yanking off my jeans.
After a few minutes, I take off the cold cloth and we survey the damage—only like a slight reddening. Nowhere near like as red as my face!
I put on a dress that Kim gives me from her suitcase, since we’re like the same size…
What? No, I don’t think whatever Day wears even has a size… Do they like make negative number sizes?
Anyway, we all sit down together in the conference room once I’m like presentable again.
The shattered cup is gone and the spilled coffee is cleaned up.
Daddy says, “OK, now can someone tell me what’s going on here?”
I blush and Day and Kim just look at each other. Finally, I sigh and say, “Well, err… It like seems that John Uptain—yes, like our John Uptain of our band was Day’s best friend before she…errr…left San Fran—ummm, well Darling City, to be exact. Anyway, they were best friends. Then I like find out that Mitsi Myers was Day’s next door neighbor!”
I look at Day and say, “Mitsi is like one of my best friends, is in our band, and like her mother is one of my shrinks!”
I like think if Day had a cup of coffee in her hand, there would be a repeat of my incident. As it is, I like am worried that we’re going to have to rush her to the hospital for emergency surgery to fix her jaw—it dropped like really hard and hit the table.
She shakes her head, “I was only kidding when I said that! The odds of all of this are…”
Kim takes her hand and squeezes it, “Day, no one cares about the math, Hon! ‘Astronomical’ will do…”
I like look around the table and see stunned looks like everywhere.
Uncle Barn says, “So, let me get this straight. Jacie, you’re now best friends and in a band with Day’s former best friend and her former neighbor? That’s quite the unusual circumstance!”
Daddy, still looking shocked, says, “Well, it’s settled then! Chuck, Mindy, you and the girls have to stay with us—that way Day can meet with her old friends!”
Day blanches, “Ummm, Mr. Alexander… I, ummm, it was like hard enough for me to even face coming to San Francisco. But, I…I…I don’t know if I can… If I’m ready to meet old friends.”
Daddy says, “Day, you can call me Uncle George. And I think you don’t mean that.”
Uncle Barn says, “Day, George is right. You need to do this. You need to do this just the same as you needed to just come here to face those demons. What’s one more dragon?”
Uncle Chuck nods and Mindy takes her hand and says, “They’re right, Day. Your friends deserve to know that you’re OK, right?”
She looks thoughtful for quite some time, then nods, “Yes, you’re right, Aunt Mindy—as always!”
Suddenly, it hits me! I look at the woman sitting next to Day and say, “You’re the Mindy from her story, aren’t you? You were on the streets, too?”
She blushes and says, “Yes, guilty as charged! It’s not a time I’m proud of—or something I’m proud of! But, I’m glad it happened or I would never have met Day—or my husband, Chuck, here.” She rubs her stomach and looks down at it fondly—at that moment it like hits me that she’s pregnant.
I smile at her with a nod and Uncle Barn says, “Why don’t we all meet up at the Wharf for an early supper? George, do you think Cindy could get over here?”
Daddy nods and says, “I think so. She gets off in an hour. Let me send her a text. But, may I make a slightly different suggestion?”
Uncle Barn shrugs and says, “Sure! What do you have in mind?”
Daddy just says, “Let me make a quick call first.”
He goes out of the room and comes back in after a few minutes smiling. He says, “It’s settled. We have the whole restaurant, given it’s not officially open, yet!”
Uncle Barn looks at him and asks, “Which restaurant, George? You didn’t mention it—and why isn’t it open?”
Daddy smiles and says, “The Greek Goddess! Apollo had crews working on it while everyone was held up in Texas. It passed inspection today, but Apollo isn’t officially opening until tomorrow. He was planning on a soft opening tonight to test everything. He is happy to just have us, though.”
Uncle Barn nods, “The Goddess it is, then! I’ve been wanting to try it forever.”
After our extended and unexpected break, Daddy, Uncle Barn, and I finish up our boring legal stuff, then we meet with Mr. Ford and Uncle Chuck on investigating who is after me—and like why. I think we like are going to have to pull Uncle Chuck off the ceiling when he finds out there is a Mexican connection—he like takes that very personally and promises—no vows—to get to the bottom of it all.
Mr. Ford finds it very interesting that Apollo’s ‘friends’ are involved and Uncle Barn is like intrigued that the Italian Mafia is also somehow connected to all of this. No one ventures any guesses as to how it all fit together, though.
After we wind up the meeting, we all drive over to the Goddess. Momma just pulls up as we like get out of the car and we all go in for the first round of introductions.
We just like get through those, when the band shows up together in the van and Jillie texts me that they are here.
I can tell Day is like extremely nervous. I didn’t let anyone in the band know who the ‘friends’ were that we were meeting with, so this will be like a huge surprise to some of them. I just like hope it’s not too much of a shock.
Rita is coming, too—like, just in case. She like knows but promised to keep it a secret.
I go out to meet the band—Day stays behind—and am like surprised to find them unloading the van.
I wave, “Hi, Guys! Like, we’re not here to play, you know!”
Chris shrugs, “Your Dad texted and said someone named Barn asked if we could bring our equipment—and two extra amps? I don’t argue with the manager!”
I give him a perplexed look and shrug back, “First I’ve like heard of it! Oh well, let me help…”
What? Oh… Yeah Jillie and I share a tonsil-cleaning, foot-popping kiss before I almost break a nail picking up a guitar case.
I am right behind John, who is pushing a cart like fully loaded with amplifiers onto the stage from the rear entrance. I notice Day sitting nervously with Kim at a table in the farthest corner from the stage possible.
John notices them and waves. He looks at me and says, “I assume those are your friends?”
I shrug and say, “Well, they are my new friends, yes. I like think one is better labeled as your friend!”
He gives me a look like I’ve lost my mind. Mitsi comes in and sets down her load and I say, “John, Mitsi, come with me, please. There’s someone that is like dying to talk to you—but very nervous about it.”
What? The direct route seems like the best. You know, like rip that band-aid off!
If I like thought John gave me a funny look before, the one he gives me now eclipses it.
They both shrug and follow me down the stage steps to the main floor, then across the room to the table. I like notice Day shrinking more and more under the table the closer we like get.
We get to the table and I say, “John, Mitsi, I’d like you to meet a new friend, Kim Byers. And I you know this beautiful young lady, Day…”
Once again, I’m like afraid there is going to have to be a special surgery team brought in to fix shattered jaws.
Mitsi screams!
What? I can’t hear you! Yeah, we may like need an ear specialist, too!
Anyway, Mitsi screams, “Day? As in Amadeus! You’re here? And… Look at you!”
She rushes over and gives her a huge hug. Day has a goofy grin on her face and John still has one of like utter and total shock on his.
Mitsi breaks the hug and looks at John, “Like say something, Doofus!”
He shakes his head and says, “I…I…heard on the news that you had been found, but I never expected to see you again, Ira!”
He actually like has to wipe a tear away at the same time Day does.
Day comes over to him and asks very timidly, “Do you mind if I give you a hug? I know you may reject me like…”
John takes her into a fierce hug and like literally lifts her off her feet—not that it’s like any sort of huge feat, she’s so tiny—and John is a pretty big guy.
Suddenly, there’s this semi-cold voice that comes from behind, “What’s going on here? John! Let that tiny little thing go before you break her! She’s turning blue!”
John’s face turns beat-red as he hears Kate’s admonishment and gently lets Day go. He turns to her and says, “Do you remember me talking about my long-lost friend, Ira, that disappeared and then everyone thought was dead—until he showed up in New York alive?”
Kate, now surrounded by the rest of the band…
What? Jillie? Yeah, she’s beside me and holding my hand. Why?
Anyway, Kate shrugs and nods—like clearly not getting where he’s going.
Exasperated—and like totally excited at the same time—John says, “Meet Ira!”
Kate gets a totally dumbfounded look on her face. The rest of the band just like looks completely lost.
Kate sort of mutters in thought, “So… You’re saying this beautiful little pixie is your long-lost best guy friend? Well, it certainly makes sense that you wouldn’t find him looking like this! I’m sorry, Ira, is it? Welcome to—well, back to San Fran, Hon!”
She goes over and gives her a hug.
Day says, “Thanks…?”
I sigh and step and introduce everyone to Day and Kim.
What? Oh yeah, I was just getting to that!
When I have made the round, I look at Day and ask, “So… I’m a little confused? I thought you said you’ve always gone by ‘Day’?”
Day giggles and John blushes. Day says, “Ira was John’s way of digging at me—it was all good-natured but wound up sticking. Irina has always been my middle name. Outside of my family, and the school, of course, he was the only one that knew that. He took to calling me Ira as a sort of private joke.”
She looks at him, “That won’t fly anymore, though, Johnny!”
He looks thoughtful, “I guess not… We’ll just have to go with ‘Rina’, now!”
Day groans and then we all sit down and Day starts catching John and Mitsi up while the rest of us listen. Just as she gets started, Rita comes in and goes straight to Day and gives her the biggest hug, then—after a short introduction of her to Kim—Rita sits with the rest of us to hear Day’s story.
What? Of course, Dite got our drink orders! I even help her get the drinks, since I had already heard the story. While we are getting them, I bring her and Apollo quickly up to speed on what I know while my heart stops racing…
What? It like still creeps me out to walk past the hallway with the restrooms to the kitchen. I like even almost ran into Dite when I jumped at an imaginary shadow.
I mean, it like was imaginary—err…right?
Anyway, we get back to the table just as Day is saying, “So, Uncle Chuck needed to come out here to meet with Uncle Barn. Aunt Mindy wanted to come and so did Kim. All of a sudden, everyone decided it would be good for me to come ‘face my demons’ here—and since my…new…best friend was coming…”
She like lets the sentence drop and hangs her head a little.
Rita grabs her hand and says, “Day, Hon, it’s OK to make new friends! You have a new life and it seems like it’s better than anyone could have dhope for under your circumstances! And I have to say, while I never suspected you to be TG, you certainly have blossomed into quite the young lady! Are you and Kim…?”
Kim giggles and shakes her head, “No, Ma’am! Her adoptive sister and I are, though!”
Rita smiles and says, “Kim, Hon—this goes for you, too, Day—please call me Rita. Everyone in the band does—and we can just consider you groupies, since you’re with them. Besides, I’ve known Day since the day he…she was born!”
She grins and Kim nods, “Yes, Ma’am—err… Is Aunt Rita, OK?”
Rita laughs, “That will be fine, Kim!”
Chris suddenly comes to life and says, “OK, so shall we go party a little? I hate to have set everything up for nothing!”
Everyone in the band like jumps up and goes to the stage. I look back and see Day and Kim sitting there with a slightly disappointed look on their faces while they watch the guys plug in.
I look at the two extra amps and can’t help but wonder why Daddy—well, Uncle Barn—wanted them.
Everyone decides I should sing the first song to test out my voice.
What? Of course, I’m like terrified! I like know I have to take it easy—and I don’t like think that will be a problem, at all.
The guys start out with ‘Chiquatita’ and I barely get a sound out.
They start over after I get a drink of water to like wet my suddenly very dry throat. I find my voice and my confidence grows when there is no screeching or other unsightly sounds that escape my repaired cords—or cringing from the band or audience.
When the song comes to a close, I look around and only see shocked faces like everywhere I look.
After a few seconds of deathly quiet, Kim and Day start clapping enthusiastically—quickly followed by the others on the main floor. Then I find myself in the middle of a huge group hug.
After I like fight my way out, I ask, “So, I guess I sounded OK?”
Barbs says, “Jacie! That was like awesome! When you’re fully healed, you’ll be a force to reckon with!”
I sigh and say, “I don’t know… I still feel like some sort of fraud…”
Rita and Day are there before I know it.
Day says, “Jacie, that was beautiful—and I don’t particularly like disco-era music. Your voice rivals Em’s—and will get better as it heals and matures!”
Rita nods and says, “And what’s this about being a fraud?”
I like hang my head. To my surprise, Kim comes up and says, “Look Jacie, I’ve heard that sad song from Day here, before! You’re no more fraud than she is! Or do you think Day is?”
Rita looks surprised, but just grins—then like looks back at me with an expectant smirk.
What?
Anyway, I let that settle in a second, then shake my head, “No, of course not. But she’s different. I mean look at her. She was like born into this!”
Day breaks down laughing and Kim says, “Girl, we’ll talk more later!”
Rita hugs us and Apollo says, “OK guys, let’s eat and you can play some more afterwards!”
Day sits with John and Mitsi and they’re in an animated conversation during all of dinner. I get Kim to sit next to Jillie and me and we have a good time finding out more about the music school she and Day go to. Jillie and I are like both surprised to find out that Kim is like a very accomplished celloist.
The din is like broken as Aunt Mindy gets up with a shriek and hugs Dite tightly. We all give them a look and Apollo rushes over. They excitedly talk to him and he gets a big grin on his face. When it like becomes clear that everyone wants to know what’s like going on, Aunt Mindy addresses the group, “I thought Aphrodite looked really familiar until I figured out that she’s the spitting image of my newest God daughter, Lexi—albeit, an older spitting image.”
She looks at Uncle Barn and says, “Alexis Stephanopoulos, is Apollo’s second cousin.” He shakes his head and Aunt Mindy continues to the rest of us, “Alexis is the mother my husband’s head administrative assistant, Saula Strider—better known as Sally. She and her daughter, Lexi are very much a part of our extended family back home!”
Kim exclaims, “O!M!G! You’re family to my sis? Really? That’s like so cool!”
That dominates the general discussion for a while as Day just mutters some huge number about the odds of all of these ‘coincidences’.
When Apollo and Dite finally start clearing the tables and our visitors are plying them with culinary accolades, the band members all start towards the stage again. No one like has to say anything—it’s just automatic.
Just as the guys are plugging back in, Uncle Barn stands up and asks, “Guys! That first song was amazing! Do you mind some guest players?”
We all look at each other, not sure what it’s about. Chris says, “Of course not—if they can keep up!”
John laughs and says, “If this is what I think it is, then you’re going to eat those words, Chris!”
I hear Day and Kim gasp as Uncle Chuck comes in from the parking lot carrying two instrument cases.
Uncle Barn winks at them and says, “We can’t have you bored now, can we? I know you didn’t bring any… Just consider these your west coast ones…”
Day and Kim look like kids in a candy store as they both unpack the latest in e-instruments—Day a violin and Kim a cello.
They grin at each other and come up on the stage to plug in to the extra amps.
Chris and John are talking amongst themselves, then whisper to Sam. Finally, they pull Fred into the conversation. All are nodding by the time Day and Kim are plugged in and satisfied the new instruments are tuned.
Chris asks, “OK, girls… Since you’re the guests—what should we start out with? I heard Day say she’s not into disco…”
Kim gets a grin on her face and asks, “Do you only do old stuff? Like not old as in classical—somehow that like doesn’t strike me as your speed!”
Fred shakes his head, “We do the disco stuff as a theme thing for the Goddess. We’re expanding that to some older-time rock and roll. But, we started out playing contemporary stuff and still practice it for requests and for if we ever expand our gigs.”
Kim nods and says, “I’d like to hear Jacie sing ‘This Is Me’—do you guys know that one? It’s from the ‘Greatest Showman’.”
I feel myself pale. Of course, we know the song—and I know the words. But Barbs usually sings lead on that one.
Barbs giggles, “I’d like to hear her sing that one, myself—followed by ‘How Far I’ll Go’.”
Then Jillie stabs me in the back—suddenly it feels like I’m in school and the Cardassians are back! She says, “Yes, followed by ‘Never Be the Same’! She’ll blow Kesha and Camilla out of the water with that voice!”
Day chimes in, “That’s not my usual repertoire and I can’t say I know all of the music. OK if I improvise?”
Chris smirks and John claps him on the back with a funny smile.
John says, “That’ll be fine, Rina. Jacie, we’ll swap out with some songs for Barbs. We don’t want your cords to give out on us. I think Day and Kim maybe can help us with the sound on some of the P!nk songs we’ve been playing with.”
I give him a thankful nod and Fred counts out the beginning of ‘This Is Me’.
I start singing on cue with just Fred on the drums and Sam on the keyboard. When I start feeling the music, Chris and John join in on their guitars. When we get to the part where the song really ramps up, I have to catch my jaw when Day and Kim join in.
Suddenly, there is a richness to the music that is like literally jaw-dropping!
What? Like it is!
I think I hear John snicker behind me when Chris like messes up just a little as they slowly join and ramp up to a power that’s unimaginable—but not like overwhelming the rest of the band.
When I sing the last words and the music slowly fades. There’s stunned silence in the restaurant—then thunderous applause from the small crowd below.
Kim says, “OK, then! That was awesome, Jacie!”
Chris sort of stutters, “Day? That was improvising? You guys feel like moving out here and joining the band?”
John smirks, “Rina’s just getting warmed up—and from what I just heard from Kim, I bet that’s the case for her, too!”
Jillie says, “Weren’t you like listening at supper, Chris? They’re in a string band of their own—‘The Bridge’. I’d love to hear the whole band play!”
Uncle Chuck says from below, “I can arrange that. I have some professional recordings from the school. You guys are great, too! You should consider doing some recordings, yourself!”
Daddy chimes in, “I’ve been thinking that, too. There’s just so much to managing a band that I have no idea about… It’s certainly a different sort of industry to what I’m used to!”
Uncle Barn says, “Well, I think we can work on that. Chuck and I just happen to have some connections to the best music school in the country!”
Day and Kim giggle, then Kim asks with a cheeky grin, “Are we going to talk all night—or are we going to play?” She does this wild piece that I instantly recognize as from ‘Superman versus Batman’.
I like giggle as Chris picks his jaw up from the floor after jumping off the stage after it—like again.
What? For once it’s like not me chasing after escaping body parts!
Fred snorts and counts us in for the next song…
By the time it’s eleven, we’re playing together like we had practiced as a band for years. That’s like more a testament to Day and Kim’s skills, though, than ours—well, besides maybe John. Chris is like convinced they could join in with a tone-deaf Kindergarten band and make them sound awesome.
Chris had to chase his jaw several times—the funniest is when Uncle Chuck challenges him to a guitar duel and blows him away!
What? My voice?
Well… Like all I can say is that I gained more confidence throughout the night—and it never hurt. Like I didn’t really stress it, though—I never really sang out with all my strength. I’m still not convinced I sound good, though.
As I’m helping clean up the tables, Kim comes over and starts helping, too. She says, “Jacie, I can tell that when your voice is at full strength, it’s going to be unparalleled. I like get you don’t believe it, but you’re a natural. You should get it professionally trained. Em, my girlfriend, doesn’t believe her voice is that good either. It is! And getting training has helped her so much!”
Aunt Mindy hears her and chimes in, “She’s right, Jacie! You should think about it!”
I sigh, “Well, first, I like don’t know where I would… And isn’t something like that like expensive?”
Momma overhears us and says, “Is that something you would be interested in, Hon? The cost isn’t an issue!”
I shrug, “I like don’t know, Momma. It’s not something I’ve ever thought about…”
Uncle Chuck comes over and says, “You should! Think about it, I mean—and do it. I think we can help with the logistics, if you decide to do it.”
I sigh, “I’ll like think about it, but… I don’t think I’m worth all that…”
Momma shakes her head and looks at Rita.
What? We like all know that Klingon mask isn’t like going to go away—I still have nightmares about it!
I notice Rita pull Uncle Chuck to the side and they have a whispered conversation.
I like look at Momma, shrug, and go to help load up the van…
I look at Kim and ask, “Are you sure you guys don’t like don’t mind sleeping in here with me?”
Kim giggles, “You don’t have anything Day or my girlfriend doesn’t…” She then thinks about that and says, “Well, I guess you and Day still have your jewels…”
I give her a funny look and she smiles wanly. She sighs, “It’s not my story to tell, Jacie. I hope you get to meet my Em someday—I think you would really like each other. Anyway, to answer your question, no, I have no problem sleeping in the same room—or bed if it came down to it—as you. I would like to talk to you, though…”
I nod, “OK. I’m like still too wired to sleep, anyway. What do you like want to talk about?”
At that moment, Day walks in from the bathroom having finished washing up for the night. We’re all camping out in the family room in the basement. Jillie has been like trying to talk me into having a pajama party with the Circle down here forever…
What? Yeah, like I know… Now, I’m doing it with strangers, first… I like guess I’ll have to give in and talk to Momma about that…
Anyway, I look at Day in a skimpy nighty and shudder. Before Kim can answer my question, I blurt out, “Aren’t you two like freezing? It’s not quite Hoth out there, but it’s like in the forties!”
Kim laughs, “Jacie! You’re a typical California girl, I can tell! Hoth, huh? Isn’t that one of those Star Thingies? You and Em certainly will get along if you ever meet! Anyway, it was snowing when we left New York! Let me guess, you wear a heavy winter coat until it’s in the sixties?”
Day laughs, “Don’t give her a hard time, Kim. I was the same way when I lived here! To answer your question, Jacie, this is really warm for us for this time of year. But, Kim, I too am interested in what it is you want to talk to Jacie about?”
Kim nods and seems to gather up the nerve to ask her question. Then she shrugs and asks, “So, Jacie, who taught you to do your makeup? I’m betting it was Kate?”
I like give her an incredulous look…
What? I thought she wanted to like talk about something important!
I shrug, “Yeah. Kate is like a makeup Goddess…”
Kim nods and says, “I’ll have to talk to that girl. I could tell she has style…”
Kim is quiet for a minute and I can like tell that she hasn’t actually asked her question yet. Then she just like sort of blurts out, “Jacie, are your parents like mentally abusing you?”
I hope everyone is enjoying the story. Thanks for supporting it!
HUGS!
Shauna
With all the jaw dropping that has happened today, I like guess it was inevitable that mine would hit the floor at some time, too…
I look at Kim with an incredulous look on my face and ask with like an even more incredulous tone, “Why would you like even ask something like that? What on earth like gave you that idea? I like have the best parents on earth!”
Kim shakes her head and I can like tell that Day is bewildered, too.
Kim says, “Look Jacie, I’ve been mentally abused and bullied. I know the signs and you are showing them! Now, it was my…mother…that did it to me, so…it sort of is my go-to assumption. I’m like really sorry if I upset you—but I stand by my gut feeling that you are in our club. So…who’s abusing you?”
I shake my head and bite my bottom lip—like almost hard enough that it bleeds.
Day comes over and takes my hands. She forces me to look into her eyes and she says, “Jacie, while I never got the impression that your parents were abusing you, I did get the feeling that there is more to your story than you have let on. I have this tradition of sorts of paying a song for a story—while that may not mean as much to a musical talent like you, I would still like to offer a song in payment for your story—if you would like to tell us.”
Kim is nodding her head like so vigorously that I think it will rattle off her shoulders. She asks, “So I ask again, who is abusing you?”
I look back and forth between them with a sigh. It seems they’re not going to like lighten up…and what’s like one more time?
Err…right?
What? I’ve like told the story so many times that I think I could write a book about it?
What? I should? Like right! Get serious—or go away!
Anyway, I sigh and blush as I say, “You want to know who is abusing me—besides myself, that is?”
Kim sucks in her breath and takes my hand, “You’re not cutting yourself or anything, right? Please tell me you’re not!”
I giggle, “No silly! I like may be certifiably crazy enough to need two shrinks—but I’m like not that crazy!”
She gives me a hug and I sigh again, “You see there’s like this Klingon…”
And I like proceed to tell them the whole story—going back to the original repressed panty event, the bullying at school, and my current recurring nightmare.
I finish with , “I’m dreading going back to school—especially after the whole kidnapping thing. I’m still like not convinced some of the expelled kids weren’t somehow involved. Maybe even some of the kids there now. I have some pretty vocal enemies—like Haley. I like still don’t get it—like I can help how I was born!”
Kim is hugging me tight again and Day hands me a tissue to wipe away the tears that I hadn’t even noticed were flowing.
Day says, “I know how you feel about your fears of going to school, and all—although, Em would probably, again, be the better one to talk to. I wish we could get her out here… I was really lucky going to a music school. The kids there are generally liberal enough that they don’t care. It does surprise me, though, that you’re having issues in San Francisco. I thought that would be the best place in the nation to go to school for a transgendered student.”
I sigh, “I know, right? And by and large, Haley has only been able to gather a fairly small group compared to the number of kids that like support me. Just because we like live in a liberal city doesn’t mean that there like aren’t any bigots around. I just seem to be a magnet to them—and I’m like still not even sure that I am transgendered!”
Kim looks up from her phone where she had been texting and says, “That’s probably what makes it easier for them—you’re not really convinced yourself, so you project that insecurity. Bullies feed on insecurities!”
Day nods, “If you don’t mind my asking, Jacie, what are you not sure about? I struggle myself with whether this is the real me, too. I never considered myself a girl before—at least not that I admitted to myself.”
I nod—I can tell she gets it. I say, “It’s the same with me! I like mean, I must have known—or at least strongly felt—I was a girl when I was like five. But then I like squirreled that away in a galaxy far, far away. I like just…I don’t know…somehow feel more like…me…when I’m Jacie. Does that like make sense?”
Day smiles and says, “Perfect sense!”
I smile back—I now like know she gets it.
What? She’s in exactly the same escape pod as me on this one! We just have no idea what quadrant of space we’re in.
What? Just because I’m dialing back on my Star Trek/Wars for the sake of those that are ignorant in such important matters—including, it like seems, these two here in the room with me—doesn’t mean they’re not still very much a part of me!
Anyway!
A still smiling Day says, “Well, I owe you a song, Jacie. You just pick the place and time—and the song.”
I look at Kim and say, “Well, you heard it, too—so, you’re on the hook, too, right?”
A surprised Kim giggles, “Well, I guess if you put it that way! Why?”
I get a devilish grin on my face and ask, “How would the two of you like to play in the band on Friday. It’s Mitsi’s big Sweet Sixteen party and I’m like in charge of the entertainment. I’ve lost a week and I could sure use some help!”
Day giggles, “Deal! It’ll help pay of some of my debt to her, too!”
Kim yawns and says, “We better get some shut-eye, then! Kate and I plan on having a deep discussion on cosmetics and makeovers—we may even use you girls as our guin… err… subj… err models!”
I shake my head—I didn’t like think there could be anyone in the world as obsessed with makeup as Kate! It like must be a ‘K’ thing!
What? Kate and Kim—both ‘Ks’!
I cover my mouth as I like yawn wide enough to swallow the Death Star…
What? We may have like shut our eyes last night, but that like doesn’t mean we fell asleep right away! And Kim was like the worst chatterer!
Anyway, I look around the well-lit room at Jillie, Kate, Barbs, Sara, and Kim. We’re sitting in Kate’s ‘studio’ and Kim is trying to put her eyes back in after chasing them down the hallway.
What? Oh, she was like surprised to see Kate’s makeup studio. Her parents indulge her, since she plans on pursuing a career in doing makeup and creative cosmetic transformations for movies.
I like guess I was wrong about Kim—she’s like not quite as obsessed as Kate…
What? Giggle!
What? Mitsi and Day? Well, like Day wanted to catch up with John and Mitsi and they took her to a nearby ballet studio where she could do whatever it is that dancers do—then they’re like going to go to a coffee shop and talk.
What? Yeah, that like gives me the opportunity to plan more on Mitsi’s birthday party with the girls. It’s like a total win-win!
Err…except we’re like now in the mad hands of Kate and Kim!
I look at Kate and say, “Don’t make me look like a whore!”
Kim does a double-take and pales. I stifle my giggle and say, “It like was a joke Kim! What’s the matter?”
She says, “That was what Em said to me the first time I did her makeup—only she wasn’t kidding!”
I suddenly get it and nod, “Yeah… That would have a nightmarish meaning to her… OK, Kate, don’t make me look like a Klingon!”
Everyone giggles at that—including Kim. Somehow, mine is like very hollow, though.
The next three hours like go by in a mixture of giggling, rolling eyes, and frustration.
What? Kim and Sara, the nail queens in the bunch like insist that I learn how to do a ‘decent’ mani-pedi. I’m like not sure that Jillie’s nails will ever be the same!
What? Like, of course, I know they’ll grow back!
Err… Right?
Anyway, we like get everything planned out for Friday night. The teacher strike like has no end in sight, so we’ll have plenty of time to get everything set up.
I call Dite and feel a flutter in my heart when she answers. I like don’t notice the hurt in Jillie’s eyes when I’m talking to her.
What? There’s like nothing going on between us!
I…ummm…swear…!
Dite says, right before we hang up, “Oh, and do not worry, Hon. Uncle Apollo is making sure that there is a heavy security presence there. They will not be able to use this party to hurt us!”
I smile wanly into the phone and say, “Just like make sure that Aristoo leaves out the MSG!”
Dite says, “That is not funny, Jacie! But I will pass it along.”
I hang up and stare at my face in the mirror. Kim had done it and she like has a different style of doing things than Kate. I like can’t ever tell Kate, but I like it! I’ll like have to get Kim to show me more of how she does it before she leaves.
What? I can like mix it in with Kate’s stuff and make it mine.
Err…right?
What? Why do I need my own style of makeup?
Like O!M!G! Go away!
I look at Jillie as Kim finishes up on her and my heart like stops.
I say, “Jillie! You’re like gorgeous! I mean…you’re like always gorgeous, but you could like win Miss Universe!”
She blushes and Kim says, “Kate’s and my styles vary because she’s more into changing people’s looks. Mine is more about enhancing them, which is what’s needed in beauty contests. I think we’ve certainly learned a lot from each other today. I know I have!”
Kate nods and says, “Yes. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s just too bad you live across the country!”
Day walks in with Mitsi right at that moment and hears what was said. She says, “I don’t think that will stop us from seeing each other more often! I know I want to be able to spend more time again with John and Mitsi—and all of you. We’ll find a way to make it work!”
Kate giggles, “Like sure we will!”
She looks at Kim and winks, “More subjects!!!”
Kim giggles as they pull Day and Mitsi into chairs…
I look into Jillie’s eyes and wonder what just happened.
What? The kiss was like great and all—but my foot like didn’t pop!
Jillie knows it, too.
I lean in for another and she gently pushes back. I can like tell that she’s fighting tears.
She says, “Jacie, you know I love you! You know I do! The problem is that I don’t know where your heart is right now.”
OK, so I thought that the broken jaws were like a thing of yesterday. I like sweep up the dust from where it pulverized when it like hit the floor—after I like find my eyes in the next galaxy over.
I sit down heavily in a chair that like happens to be right there behind me.
What? We had snuck out into the living room while Day and Mitsi were having their makeovers.
Once I get my voice back…
What? Yeah, it was like completely gone! Like worse than when my cords were paralyzed!
Anyway, when I find my voice, I gasp, “Jillie! I like have no idea what you’re talking about!”
She shakes her head and can’t stop a tear from running down her cheek—leaving a single black trail behind.
What? Really? You’re worried about why they didn’t use waterproof makeup at a time like this? Really???
She takes a shaky breath and says, “I’ve seen how you like continue to look at Dite—and I heard how you talked to her on the phone just now. How you’ve like been talking to her.”
I go chase my eyes down again—they made it two galaxies over this time.
I also feel my heart get really heavy.
What? No, there really is nothing going on between Dite and me. Dite is way too old for me—and lives in Greece. But…
Err…yeah…
I like start to protest and Jillie raises a finger and puts it on my lips.
She says, “Look, Jacie. I know you like say there’s like nothing really going on between you. But, if there could be, you wouldn’t mind—right? Don’t answer that—it’s like rhetorical. But, I’m a one girl kind of girl. When you’re ready to commit fully to me I will be there for you. Just let me know when that is…”
And before I can say anything else, she’s out the front door in tears.
What? Why don’t I chase her down? Run after her!? Convince her she’s wrong!?!
I like can’t…
I feel my heart get cold and shatter. Somehow, I’ve like been transported into Frozen and my heart has been frozen in the process.
I don’t think I’ve like ever felt so alone and vulnerable as like right now. The Klingons, the Cardassians, the Borg—even Gio Franco—were nothing compared to my life-long friend, sister, and love sending that shot of ice into my heart.
I sit there and sob…
I look at Rita and sniffle, “Are you sure Jillie is OK?”
Rita smiles and squeezes my hands, “Mitsi and the girls are with her. Now, do you want to tell me what’s going on? This seems more than just a lover’s spat.”
What? Oh, the girls found me sobbing in Kate’s living room and Mitsi called Rita who came straight over.
I shake my head, “It’s your day off, Rita…”
She squeezes my hands, like hard!
I flinch and she says, “Listen to me, young lady—there is no day off when it comes to my patients. There is twice no day off when it comes to my friends.”
I smile, in spite of myself, and then the coldness in my heart brings me back to reality.
I take a deep breath and say, “Jillie thinks I’m in love with Dite instead of her.”
Rita like just nods.
I pick my jaw back up off the floor and almost like shout, “What? You think so, too?”
She smiles and gently squeezes my hand, “It doesn’t matter what I think, Jacie. What do you think?”
I like really dislike her right now!
What? No, not Rita, the person—Rita, the shrink!
I sigh and say, “I…I…I don’t know what I think!”
Rita nods, “OK, that’s a good start, Jacie—admitting that. When did this confusion start?”
I tell her about how the feelings really started growing when we were trapped and wound up having to sleep naked next to each other for warmth.
Rita nods, “And you didn’t feel that way before?”
I shake my head, “No. I always like thought Dite was really cool and nice and all. But I never would have any sort of like…romantic…thoughts about her. I mean, like no more than maybe dreaming about a movie star, or something. That’s like normal, right?”
Rita giggles, “Yes, Jacie. That’s perfectly normal. Infatuation and little day dreams are normal. There are a couple of things here that I need to talk to some others about. There are also some things that I want you to think about.”
I sigh and nod.
What? Here comes the shrink crap!
She smiles and says, “I want you to think hard about if you had to make a choice today or tomorrow about hormones—which would you want? Boy or girl? Think about it like it’s a life or death choice and you have to make that choice.”
I pale and she shakes her head, “It’s academic, Hon. I just need to know how you would choose in that situation.”
I start to answer and she shakes her head, “No! Think about it for a bit. I’ll get back to you later today or tomorrow on that.”
I sigh and nod.
She then says, “OK, then I want you to think about when you started feeling like you do with Aphrodite. I want you to focus on what those feelings are like. I want you to think about how you feel about Jillie. I want you to focus on which feelings are real—and matter to you. You don’t need me on this one, Hon. You just have to be honest with yourself.”
I start to protest again.
She pulls a Jillie and lays a gentle finger on my lips and says, “Be honest with yourself, Hon. Just give Jillie some time to think—until the party, at least. Use that time yourself—and be honest with yourself. I know the answer, Hon. But it won’t help if I give it to you.”
Once again, I scrape my jaw up off the floor.
She smiles, “I know that doesn’t seem fair—that I’m not a good ‘shrink’… You’ll just have to trust me on this one, Love.”
She gives me a hug and motions for Kate to come. She is waiting just outside the door. Rita says, “You need to get her cleaned up. Her Daddy is coming over to pick her up. Something about lessons…”
After I find my eyes and can see again, I scrape my jaw up off the floor again and Kate quietly takes me back to her studio where she strips my face and redoes it—using a lot of Kim’s techniques.
I love the look and the fact that she doesn’t press me. A million thoughts are swirling in my head—but none of them like make any sense, at all. Jillie has abandoned me, Rita has betrayed me, and it’s all my fault when it like comes right down to it.
I can’t get Jillie’s question out of my head, “But, if there could be, you wouldn’t mind—right?”
I also can’t get Rita’s answer out, “Be honest with yourself, Hon.”
Kate breaks through my stupor when she whispers, “I could tell you like the look that Kim gave you.”
As I jump with a new round of guilt, she hugs me from behind with a wink in the mirror, “It’s OK, Jacie! I like it better on you, too! We’ll practice later. I find that doing it gives me a chance to think. Maybe it helps you, too?”
I fight the tears that are threatening to start up and Kate says in mock anger, “Don’t you dare make me do this again, girl!”
Umm… At least I think it’s mock anger!
I like stare out the windshield.
The thoughts are like still swirling in my head. The cotton candy fibers are as scrambled as my thoughts and there is no clear pathway for anything to travel and get somewhere that like makes sense!
What? Like maybe Jillie froze the cotton candy when she froze my heart? Like I don’t know!
I jump as Daddy says, “Jacie! Are you even listening to me?”
I look at him and fight more tears. I take a deep breath and say, “Sorry, Daddy. I guess I like wasn’t really.”
He nods and says, “It will work out with you and Jillie, Hon. You two are way too tight. Taking things beyond ‘just friends’ is always a risk, but being friends when you do can get you through anything. Trust me, Hon, your Momma and I are friends first and lovers second—that makes a huge difference in being able to get through things.”
I sigh and I can like tell that he’s worried that I didn’t even really like react to his reference of him and Momma being lovers.
What? Of course, it’s like gross to think about! What kid wants to like think about that! Like, ewwwwww!
Anyway, he continues at my nod, “OK, like I was saying—if I have your attention now?”
He glances over at me and when I nod again, he says, “Special Agent Jones said they’re still tracking down leads on Gio Franco. Chuck and Rock are chasing down leads of their own—and I actually trust them to come up with something before the FBI. I have no idea what Apollo’s ‘friends’ are up to. All I know is that all of them will be coming together to protect you at Mitsi’s party.”
I quietly nod. I still can’t fully focus on what he’s like saying, but I get enough of it to ask, “So, what’s that like got to do with these mysterious lessons you’re taking me to? And like—for the hundredth time—what are these lessons?”
He smiles, “It’s got nothing to do with the lessons and—for the hundredth time—you’ll find out when we get there.”
I whine, “Daddy!”
But, I can’t help but like to start to focus more on this than my brooding thoughts when I see us enter an unfamiliar part of town.
Daddy pulls up to a house…
What? It’s like just a normal house…
What? Yeah, it’s a nice house and all, but like it’s just a house…
He gets out and motions for me to follow him.
I follow him to the front door where I see a plaque that reads, “Madame Marie Clark – San Francisco School of Voice”
I give Daddy a confused look as he shrugs and rings the doorbell.
The door is almost immediately answered by a middle-aged, very pretty, red-headed woman. Her hair is like curly and to her shoulders and very striking.”
She smiles and says, “Hello, you must be George and Jacie Alexander. Grace Levine has recommended you unheard, other than a cell phone recording, so I have to say I’m intrigued—she doesn’t just do that!”
Daddy says, “Thank you for seeing us Madame Clark. I know your schedule is very full.”
She smiles, “Nonsense! Grace and I go way back—we went through school together before I joined the opera and came out here.”
She ushers us into a nice-looking room that’s set up like a music studio with a piano and sheet music everywhere.
She says, “So, Jacie, I understand you just went through a very traumatic experience that has resulted in some surgery on your vocal cords?”
I nod and say, “Yes, Ma’am. I…seem to have a rather higher voice now.”
She smiles and says, “I’ve had a quick chat with your doctor who has said I should take it a little easy on you for another few days, but there is really no reason not to test your range. Do you mind?”
My heart is like beating a mile a minute! I have no idea what this woman thinks I am—or can do! I don’t know Madame Levine—other than she’s Day’s adoptive mother and the head of the most famous K-12 music school in the States. Even I have like heard of it.
I shrug and say, “Madame Clark, I’m not sure what that like even means, to be honest. I was pulled into singing for a band a while back—even though I like don’t really think that I’m all that good. Sure, I used to like sing in the shower, but that’s like all there is to my singing!”
She smiles and pats me on the hand as she says, “Why don’t you let me hear you then we’ll go from there?”
I feel my face turn red—my heart may like still be frozen, but I feel a heat start to burn in it.
What? I like hate being patronized!
She seemingly ignorantly smiles and asks, “So… Is there anything you would like to sing?”
I shrug.
Daddy looks at me harshly and says, “Jacie, let’s not waste Madame Clark’s time, OK?”
I feel the heat get hotter.
“What about my time?”
Wait! Err… I didn’t say that out loud? Right?
There’s like no reaction from either of them, so I guess I’m like OK.
I sigh and say, “They’re your ears, Madame. I don’t care what I sing—what would you like to hear. Assuming I know it?”
She nods and says, “Do you know ‘Angel of Music’ from ‘Phantom of the Opera’?”
I chase my eyes out the door!
She wants me to sing opera?
What? Of course, I know it’s not really opera—but…
I sigh, “I like know of the song, Ma’am. I like mean I’ve heard it, but I don’t know it—not enough to sing it!”
She nods with a smile, then hands me some sheet music.
I stare at it like it’s a snake ready to bite me.
What? I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with it! That’s for like the musicians!
She gives me a look and like states more than asks, “You don’t read music? We’ll have to remedy that. If I play the music, do you think you could sing along—you have the words on the sheet music. Here, let me play you a version with Emmy Rossum singing it…”
She starts the music on an expensive surround sound system and I’m immersed in the sky-high notes of the song.
My heart softens as I think of Jillie while the music is playing—it envelopes me. Suddenly Christine is Jillie in my mind and I want her more than the Phantom. I know that I would never think of Dite in that way.
The music stops and I take the tissue that Madame Clark hands me to gently wipe the tears from my eyes.
She smiles, “Yes, it’s very powerful music. From what I’m told, you should be able to do it justice.”
I feel myself like shivering and blurt out, “I could never sing like that!”
She takes my hands and says, “Look, Jacie, I know you’re thinking I’m being patronizing, but you really need to let me judge that, OK?”
I feel my face like burn again, but then deflate and say, “OK. Like I said—your ears!”
She smiles and nods. She takes me into a recording booth and hands me some of those big studio headphones. She says, “Here, put these on and pretend there is no one else around. You’re just in the shower singing to yourself, OK? I’ll pull the shades and you won’t be able to see us. You’re not claustrophobic, right?”
I sigh and shake my head. I place the headphones on my head as she pulls the shades and closes the door behind her. I listen as the music starts and pretend I’m floating in space—all alone. It’s peaceful—only the sweet sounds of the music coming through the speakers in my helmet.
I look at the sheet music and like know that I can’t rely on it to tell me when my cue is, since I can’t read it—the guys in the band always like take care of that for me.
I just let my instincts take over and when it feels right, I start singing. I start out low and as I like get more into the song, I sing with more force. The headphones make it hard for me to judge just how soft or loud it is, though. I just have to go off of experience from singing in the band and what it feels like.
When the music fades out, I stand there for a moment—still totally lost in the memory of it.
I reach up and take the headphones off, then come out of the booth. Daddy is sitting there with a stunned look on his face and tears in his eyes. Madame Clark has a smirk on her face.
I shrug—knowing it must have like been terrible!
I sigh, “I like told you I’m no good!”
Madame Clark just shrugs and says, “Jacie, I want you to listen to a different recorded version, then I want you to tell me if you can’t maybe do it more like that rendition, OK?”
I like do my best not to storm out of the room in a huff! What is with this woman! I can’t sing like that! There’s like no way!
So, when I like find myself running home screaming the whole the way, they can’t be like surprised, right?
I blink my eyes and see Daddy looking at me with some sort of strange look in his eyes.
What? Of course, I didn’t like really storm out and run home! Like O!M!G! I have 4-inch stiletto heels on!
I sigh and say, “I’ll like listen, but like Daddy said, I like shouldn’t be wasting your time!”
She smiles, “Humor me!”
She starts the music and I hear the slow, sweet build-up of an angelic voice. It starts out low—almost timid—and builds to a force that I’m sure could shatter glass if pushed a little more. Then it slowly lowers and fades out with the music. It’s like utterly beautiful!
And it’s like utterly preposterous to like even think I could do anything like that!
I shake my head and say, “That was like beautiful. I could never sing anything like that.”
Madame Clark smiles and says, “What if I told you that that girl is as untrained as you—that she hasn’t even begun to reach her potential.”
I shrug and say, “Then I would like feel even more like an idiot for like wasting your time—or that I could ever sing like her. Like if I mean she’ll only get better…”
Madame Clark looks at me and says, “I promise you that you can, Jacie! Do you know how I know that—other than it’s my job to know?”
I sigh. This is like totally bogus! I don’t like know what she wants from me! It’s like Rita—I never know…
Then it hits me! ‘Be honest with myself.’ I know that I could never feel like I just did for Dite—I could only think of Jillie! I feel a weight come off my shoulders. It really is—no was—an infatuation! I’m like sure Rita will put some psycho-spin on it. Something like to do with the kidnapping…
What? I don’t like care! I love Jillie—I know I do! I can look her straight in the eye and say it! I like just have to give her some time to cool off…
“…Jacie?”
I look up in shock. I had like totally zoned out!
Madame Clark asks—I guess again, “Are you listening, Jacie? Do you know how I know?”
I sigh and shake my head. It like doesn’t really matter. I can fix things with Jillie! That’s like what matters!
I feel the familiar bone-numbing dizziness descend on me as I see the black curtain fall before my eyes when it registers what she just said.
What? No, not the question! Duh!
The answer!
She said, “I know because the girl you were just listening to was you, Jacie. I just recorded…”
That’s all I hear before the total quiet and darkness of space quickly embraces me and I feel myself floating to the floor.
The second book is slowly coming to an end…
I hope everyone is still enjoying the story.
I sincerely thank everyone that stuck through the difficult parts and has continued to support it! This chapter should make a few more key pieces of the puzzle clearer. :-)
Please do remember, though—this is a work of fiction and not intended to be 100% medically accurate!
HUGS!
Shauna
We enter the medical complex building and I look at Daddy, “I like don’t get what the big deal is! That was like a huge shock to hear myself sing like that! So, I fainted—like big deal!”
Daddy gives me a sour sideways glance as we walk towards the elevator. He sighs, “Jacie, it could be a big deal. The doctor just wants to check on some things. Besides there is something that she and Rita want to discuss with you. Your Momma is already here.”
I almost float away into the blackness of space again when he says that.
What? Yeah, maybe there is something to this checkup…
Anyway, I semi-whine, “But Daddy, it’s Rita’s day off!”
He just shrugs, “Her idea.”
A young receptionist that I don’t know sends us back to ‘Room 6’ after Daddy signs us in. She says, “Both doctors and Mrs. Alexander are already back there.”
As we get closer to Room 6, I hear voices quietly discussing something and get quiet as we enter the room.
Momma, Rita, and Doctor Sorenson are sitting around an exam table. Momma gets up and gives me a tight hug. She asks, “Love, are you OK? How are you feeling?”
I shrug, “Like totally embarrassed!”
Rita hugs me, too, and asks, “Embarrassed? Why?”
I give her a ‘look’ and say, “That I like fainted for one—but like more so that I’m taking up like so much of your time on your day off!”
Rita just pulls me into a tighter hug and says, “Nonsense! We already talked about that. But it is getting late in the day and Dr. Sorenson has important plans in an hour. So, let’s get straight to it. George, Cindy, let’s let Sally give Jacie a quick exam, shall we?”
They leave me alone with Dr. Sorenson and she like has me quickly explain what happened to cause me to faint while she gives me a basic checkup.
What? Like you know—blood pressure, listen to your heart… Stuff like that…
Anyway, she giggles when I finish and I give her a hurt and sour look.
She smiles, “Oh, come on, Jacie! You have to admit that finding out that you have a million-dollar-voice is likely a good reason to faint, if there is one! You could be squeaking like Minnie Mouse, you know!”
I roll my eyes, but then giggle, too. I sigh, “I like suppose so. It’s like just so much on top of these nightmares and everything else!”
She nods, like suddenly serious again, and says, “Yes—now those are things to worry about. I think it’s time to bring the others back in. Are you ready?”
I shake my head, “Like ready for what?”
She smiles—but without any actual humor in it—and says, “That, young lady, is what we need to discuss. Ready?”
I sigh, “I like suppose. Do I like have a choice?”
She giggles again, “A choice where it matters, yes! A choice about the discussion, no.”
I think Momma steps on my eyes when she comes in. I pick them up and dust them off before sticking them back in. By the time I’m done, everyone is back in the room and sitting.
What? I’m still like stuck on the table—sitting with my legs hanging off the side.
What? No, I’m in my clothes, not a paper gown. Like why?
Anyway!
Rita looks at me and says, “I know you’re wondering about this meeting, Jacie. Normally, I would want Gina here, too, but she couldn’t make it because of another emergency session…”
My eyes like blast out again!
What? She said ‘another’ emergency session! This is like an emergency session? Like, the cotton candy in my brain must be malignant! That’s what’s causing me to faint! I’m like going to die!
“…we need to meet.”
I look at her with a pale face and feel like the malignant pink stuff is going to send me into space without a suit again. I didn’t hear a word of the last part of her sentence.
She looks at me and asks, “Jacie? Are you with us? What’s wrong, Love?”
I shake my head—like in a stupor, “I’m going to die.”
What? No—it like wasn’t a question. It was like more a resigned statement of fact.
Momma jumps up and hugs me and Rita looks startled. She asks, “What on Earth gave you that idea, Jacie?”
I look at Rita and say in almost a whisper, “You said Gina was in another emergency meeting. You’re taking time away from your day off. Everyone is here… It like all adds up—it’s like got to be bad news. Really bad news. The fainting… A brain tumor?”
Momma squeezes me hard and says, “Jacie, you’re not going to die! Well, I mean you will someday—but you don’t have a brain tumor!”
Rita still looks shaken and says, “Jacie, that’s just another example of this newfound paranoia of yours. It’s not normal for you to be this paranoid! Yes, I said Gina was in another emergency meeting—it’s her third one of the day. It was another one for her—not in comparison to this one. The fact that you even picked up on that…”
She like shakes her head and Momma sits down on the table next to me and holds my hand while Rita takes a shaky breath.
Dr. Sorenson picks up the conversation, “Jacie, like your Momma said, we’re not aware of any tumors—or any other life-threatening physical condition that is plaguing you. We are worried about the psychological effects of certain other physical conditions, though.”
I feel myself like pale again. I just say, “Like, huh?”
Momma squeezes my hand and Dr. Sorenson smiles, “Look, Jacie, you turn sixteen in two months, so I’m not going to sugar-coat anything, OK? Rita, Gina, and I all agree on this. Rita, Gina, and I have conferred with Dr. Rodriguez. You remember your doctor in Texas?”
I like nod—who could forget the doctor that you like wake up to after almost being murdered.
She continues, “As it turns out, she’s a pioneer in conditions similar to yours.”
I pale again and feel a little dizzy.
What? So, I do have a ‘condition’!
Momma like notices me sway and hugs me to her.
Dr. Sorenson continues, “We don’t seem to be doing this too well do we, Jacie? Again, I promise you there is nothing wrong with you! Do you believe me?”
I sigh and nod.
She smiles back, both like seemingly genuinely and in relief. She continues, “There is something of concern to us, though, and there are some options that we need to discuss. We have talked to your parents and everyone agrees that the decision should be yours.”
I like blink and look at Momma, then at Daddy, and they both just smile back in encouragement.
I sigh and nod.
What? Of course, I want the Borg to beam me out, right now! Anything would be better than like having to confront this unknown ‘condition’ that is likely causing me to be certifiably crazy!
Anyway, Rita picks up now, “Jacie, you would be facing this decision in two months, when you turn sixteen anyway. It’s an artificial deadline—set up by medical convention. In our discussions with Vicki—Dr. Rodriguez—we’re not convinced that this is the gold standard for you.”
I like just sit there with a stupid look on my face.
What? Why can’t they like just get to it?
Dr. Sorenson smiles, “Patience, young Paduan! We’ll get there!”
I’m so mentally exhausted by now that my eyes just blink and I don’t have to go chasing them.
Rita smiles, “OK, here’s the deal, Jacie. We believe that your extreme paranoia is largely due to your brain not developing as fast as it should because of the lack of certain hormones.”
O!M!G! It’s worse than a tumor! I’m a brain-midget! I wonder if they like can give me some sort of computer-chip implant?
Momma squeezes my hand and pulls my attention back to Rita, “Jacie, I need to you to focus on this. Do you think you can do that for me? This is important!”
O!M!G! Now they’re like treating me like the idiot that I am! I’m like lost! Do they still like use straight jackets? Or do they just drug you up?
“Jacie!”
I blink and look at Rita, who had just like shouted at me!
She says, “Good! Have I got your attention again?”
I sigh and nod—like I have any attention to give her!
She shakes her head and takes my hands in hers. Momma goes and sits back in her chair.
Rita squeezes my hands.
“Owww! That hurts,” I exclaim!
She nods and says, “And it will continue to hurt—just like a cattle prod—if you don’t give me your attention and stop whatever is going on in your head. This is why we need to get after this. The longer it goes, the worse it will get. Your brain needs to catch up and the blockers that we’re giving you are not only stopping your male hormones from being produced—they are also stopping other important hormones from being produced. Pituitary blockers have advantages and disadvantages. For you, this is a huge disadvantage!”
I shake my head and she squeezes my hands again—hard—and I focus back on her.
Dr. Sorenson says, “Jacie, I am a licensed endocrinologist. That is why I have been overseeing the blockers. Rita is correct, using pituitary blockers is a new domain. It still has a lot of unknowns. At this point, I can’t in good faith continue the current course. We doctors and scientists have a tendency to sometimes get a Goddess complex—we think we know all the answers. Sometimes, we just get lucky.”
She takes a deep breath and I can tell that Rita is getting ready to squeeze my hands again, but I look at her and shake my head.
What? They have my attention—for the moment.
Dr. Sorenson continues, “So, Jacie, here’s the deal. We believe that the mixture of denying your body a much-needed puberty and certain other hormones is affecting you psychologically. Dr. Rodriguez has seen this a few times at a special clinic she runs close to where you were in the hospital. The body is a funny thing—yours had delayed puberty on its own. Why, we don’t know. We think that it’s ready, though. Again, we don’t understand this—but if we are right, then that could help explain some of your paranoia—and your dreams.”
Rita jumps in, “Don’t get us wrong, Jacie. Some of your fears are absolutely normal. You were bullied as a young child and are facing things now that would drive any normal human being to the brink of despair. We’ll continue to work on those things. But you’re overreacting to such a degree that we need to provide relief other than just sessions. Normally, that would mean powerful drugs.”
She gently squeezes my hands and looks me straight in the eyes and says, “We’re not going to go that route, OK? We have other options.”
I bite my bottom lip and nod.
What? O!M!G! Of course, I’m like terrified! They’re like talking drugging me up! I knew it!
Dr. Sorenson nods and pulls my attention to her before I can get wrapped up in cotton candy-land, again.
“So, there are a few options that you have available to choose from, Jacie,” she begins. “Like I said, your current course of treatment is not an option. So, we can either stop all blockers and let your body resume its own development as it sees fit—meaning that you would physically develop as a male. We know that that may cause psychological issues with your gender identity—and there is your voice to consider now, as well.”
I don’t even like have time to think—or respond—before she plows on.
“We could take you off the pituitary blocker and put you on a more traditional testosterone blocker and see if that helps with the issue,” She adds. “Dr. Rodriguez has indicated, that in her experience this has a low chance of success, since it seems in cases like yours that she has seen, you actually need the brain development that is connected to the sex hormones. That doesn’t mean it won’t work for you. You would lose some of the advantages of the pituitary blocker, though. We can discuss those more, if this is an option that appeals to you.”
Rita says, “Jacie, are you OK? I know this is a lot to take in. What are you thinking, so far?”
I sigh, “I…I…I like don’t know! I’m like still a little stuck on the fact that I’m a brain midget!”
Rita gently squeezes my hand and then pulls me into a hug. She says, “That’s an interesting description of yourself, Jacie. Totally inaccurate, though. There’s nothing wrong with your brain. Think of it this way. You have a pair of shoes that is too small. Instead of buying a new pair of shoes, you tightly wrap your feet to keep them from growing, so that they fit into the old shoes. You can imagine how many problems that would cause, right? Your feet would be too small for your body—your bones would get all deformed. That is like what we’re doing with you right now with the blockers—we’re keeping your brain from growing and it’s causing you some issues. We want to let your brain free to grow like it should!”
I blink and nod.
What? It like makes a weird sort of sense! I’m not like totally crazy!
Dr. Sorenson says, “So, Jacie, you’re third—and in our opinion, best—option is to stay on the pituitary blocker, start on a full course of female hormone treatment, and we balance out some of your other missing hormones until we can correct your physical condition that would cause you to produce too much testosterone.”
She winks and I blink.
What! O!MG! She’s talking about my…well my… Well, you like know! Not that I really want them…
Err…I think…
Anyway, my head is spinning right now, but—for some reason, I’m like focused on this without a bunch of doomsday thoughts.
I ask, “So, just so I understand, the first option would commit me to being a guy, the third a girl, and the second is the Congressional option—it just like keeps punting the decision? How long can we punt, if I decide to go that way? And if I were to go with the first or third, could I still change my mind?”
Dr. Sorenson nods, “Good questions! It shows you were paying attention!”
Rita nods and I sigh. Have I like really been so out of things, lately? I mean…
Anyway, I focus on Dr. Sorenson as she like answers my questions, “You’re correct that the first option would start you down the physical—and to some extent mental—road of a male. Your body and brain would develop as normal under the effects of testosterone. That would not likely help resolve any gender conformance issues you may have. The same is true—only in reverse—for option three; you would develop as normal under the influence of estrogen.”
She looks at her watch and says, “Give me just a second.” She pulls out her phone and types on it for a few seconds, then puts it away.
She says, “I’m sorry, I don’t usually do that—pull out my phone in a session like that. Now, to get to your second question. That is more complicated. There’s no real way for me to say how quickly your body will respond to the effects of either hormone—or to what extent. To be safe, I would say that you would have three months—maybe up to six—before the effects of the hormones would become much more difficult to reverse, if they’re reversible at all. For example, if your feet and hands grow because of testosterone, there’s no way to reverse that. Breast growth under the effects of estrogen could be surgically treated, but testicular atrophy and sterility may not be reversible.”
I sit there in silence and picture myself as an obvious ‘male’ woman—or as a guy with breasts. I sigh as this all seems a little overwhelming—even though, it’s not like I haven’t thought about it. I’ve like talked with Jillie, Dite, and even Day about it. It was like on my mind even more after Rita challenged me to think about it earlier today.
Rita gently squeezes my hands and I look at her. She like nods knowing that I’m not lost in space somewhere and I continue to think about this whole mess.
What? I know what I think I want…
What? You don’t know? And I’m like supposed to? That’s like the problem!
Like right?
I sit quietly for a few more minutes, then decide to blurt it out before I can change my mind, “Like, I don’t know! I…feel right as Jacie—like this is who I should be. Except, I like worry that I’m wrong and will regret it later. How is like anyone supposed to be certain!”
Rita nods and says, “That is very mature of you to admit that, Jacie. That’s why we decided to let you choose. Can you tell me what is making you uncertain?”
I blush and whisper, “I…I… It… It… What other people will say… I can’t get those kids on the playground out of my head!”
Rita takes a tissue from Momma and gently soaks up the tears streaming down my face.
She says, “Jacie, pretend for a moment that you didn’t have those doubts. If you weren’t worried about what others would say, would you be able to make a decision?”
I like try really hard to put the nagging tauntings of the little monsters on the playground out of my head—banish them to space without suits—and at least succeed in getting them sealed in an airlock.
What? They’re still like there—but…not.
I consider how life has been—overall—as Jacie. I compare that to the ‘oblivious’ Jimmie—the one that had the repressed memories and that seemed happy... I consider an adult James T. as the fat lady singing in the opera and break out in a fit of the giggles.
Momma looks at Rita in concern. Rita looks at me and I sigh, “Sorry, I was just thinking about growing up as James T. and singing the fat lady’s role in an opera!”
Daddy looks confused, but Rita’s eyes crinkle as she smiles, “You’ve made a choice, then?”
I take a deep, shaky breath and nod, “Yes. I’m still not like totally sure it’s the right choice—but it just feels right. Especially, if I try and quarantine my mental tormentors in an airlock with a one-way ticket to space without a suit.”
Everyone but Rita and Momma looks confused. Momma says, “Good plan, Hon. So, what is your choice, then?”
I say, “I can’t be a guy with this voice—there’s just is no way! But even if that weren’t the case, I would choose being Jacie over Jimmie. I’m sorry, Daddy!”
He looks at me with obvious confusion and hurt in his eyes. I feel my heart sink at that look.
What? I like so don’t want to disappoint him!
He comes over to me and takes Rita’s place holding my hands. He looks me straight in the eyes and says, “I don’t know why you think there’s anything to be sorry about! Were you worried about what I thought, too? Honey, I just want you to be happy. I could like totally care less whether you’re like my little surfer dude or my beautiful California girl!”
I blink at his wink and impish grin.
He pulls me into a tight hug and I sob into his chest.
What? I don’t like think I even realized that was part of what was holding me back, too. I mean, I like knew Momma was OK with it—I just never got that feeling from Daddy.
What? No! He means it—I can tell. And he like never gave me any reason… I just like sort of assumed…
After a few minutes of crying into his chest in total relief…
What? O!M!G! You like don’t get why I’m relieved? Really?
I made a choice! Daddy’s OK with it! My old tormentors are in an airlock…
Anyway, I push back from Daddy and glance at the clock. I gasp, “Dr. Sorenson! It’s after five! Your commitment!”
She smiles, “I texted him back when I pulled my phone out. He’s used to it, Hon. If he’s going to date a doctor, he’s going to have to understand that things happen that are more important than getting to a date on time. That doesn’t mean the date is not important—relationships matter! But, being an hour late isn’t an issue if it will help you.”
I sigh and like feel really guilty!
What? Rita is taking time away from her day off and Dr. Sorenson is going to be late for a date because of me! I’m so worthless!
I see the door to the airlock start to unlock—my tormentors will be free in no time.
I…
Yell out in pain as I feel my hands being crushed by Daddy!
What? No! He like doesn’t break anything!
Err, I like think!
Rita says, “George! Strength! Maybe you better leave that trick to the professionals!”
He pales and like lets go of my hands like they turned red hot.
Rita says, “But now that you’re back with us, Jacie—are those tormentors of yours still in that airlock?”
I say with a trembling voice, “They’re about to break out…”
She nods and says, “Do me a favor, Hon. Push the button. Send them to space!”
I blink!
What? She wants me to murder those kids! They’re just kids—they don’t know…
She says, “Jacie! They’re just in your mind—they’re not real. Send them to space!”
I look at her—like in total shock—but follow her order. I picture myself deliberately punching the button to send the mental voices to space without a suit.
I blink. There’s a sudden silence in my mind. It’s peaceful—like before…
Rita gently takes my hands again and asks, “Are they gone?”
I nod—still stunned.
She says, “They may come back, Hon. Who knows, someone may beam them back onto your ship. Just herd them back to the airlock and send them back out into space. It’s not the same as what you did as a child. You’re not locking them away into the brig where they’re still with you—this banishes them. Do you understand the difference?”
I sigh and then take a deep breath.
Can it really be that simple to get rid of the voices? Send them to space?
I nod and smirk, then ask, “And how do I do that to Haley?”
Momma gasps, “James Tiberius Amanda Christine Jacie Alexander!”
I giggle and say, “You can drop the James Tiberius, Momma. He’s not the captain of my ship, anymore.”
She comes over, together with Daddy, and we all hug.
I gingerly sit at the table and like try not to squirm.
What? My butt is like really sore. That hormone shot was like huge! And it burned! At least I only have to get one, once a month.
Day looks across the table at me and giggles.
I give her a dark look and she smirks, “Oh, I can giggle. I know exactly how it feels! It’s sort of like our version of the monthly visitor!”
Kim giggles now and we both give her a dark look. She smirks, “Well, I may not know about your monthly visitor, but I’ll trade ya!” She looks at me and says, “Just wait until they start kicking in for real and you’re blubbering all over the place. I remember when Day got her first one—the next week was Hell for us all!”
Aunt Mindy comes in from the kitchen with the food and says, “Kim! Language, young lady!”
Kim looks at her contritely and says, “Sorry, Momma. Are you sure you don’t need any help?”
She shakes her head as Uncle Chuck carries in some more food and sets it on the table. They had insisted on fixing supper, since we were held up at the doctor’s office until almost six.
What? Yeah, I got my first round of hormone shots—plus some other stuff. Then there was also the gallon of blood they sucked from my veins! It sort of reminded me of that Vampire Cloud on Star Tr…
What? Oh… Sorry… I forget…
Anyway, you do like know about vampires, right? Maybe you read—or watched—Twilight? No?
Like, really? Dracula? No?
Anyway, I’m like now officially on my way to womanhood.
What? No, I’m still not certain it’s right. But, I like really do feel like it’s right. It was like funny. Day told me the exact same thing about her first shot—at least she hasn’t regretted it, yet.
What? Yeah, she like told me, she still isn’t certain… But, she also reiterated to me that her case is different.
Anyway, we all sit around the table and enjoy one of Aunt Mindy’s specialties she plans on having in her restaurant, ‘The Bridge’, she’s going to open in New York City.
What? Good? That like would be the understatement of a lifetime!
I gush, “Aunt Mindy, this is like the best stew I’ve ever had!”
She blushes almost as bright red as her hair and says in her cute Irish lilt, “Thanks, Hon! Momma taught me the recipe when I was a lass—it’s an old Irish family recipe.”
We finish eating and then the band—minus Mitsi and Jillie—all meet at the house for us to discuss the last-minute plans for Mitsi’s party.
What? Jillie? I’m like sure she wants to help, but I like don’t want to push her…
What? Yeah, I want to tell her like so bad!
What? No, I don’t tell the band—or even just the Circle. Day and Kim—and everyone else—are sworn to secrecy. Jillie will be the first to know my choice.
What? Well, it was a topic of discussion at the house, so it was like impossible for Day and Kim to not find out…
Anyway, we finalize the plans for the party and the band leaves.
Day, Kim and I go back to the family room and get ready for bed.
Of course, Kim is a chatter-box again.
What? A girl needs her beauty sleep! You’d like think that a former beauty queen would like know that!
Right?
The rest of the week was like sort of a blur, to be honest—and it’s almost time for the party. Just a little more than an hour to go.
What? Yeah, Kim was, of course, right—sort of.
What? Well yesterday, I started to get a little irritable—and the slightest thing will make me cry it seems. Day tells me it will get worse before it gets better!
Like, yay!
Err… Grumble, grumble…
What? No! I won’t repeat that!
Anyway, the trick with the airlock seems to be working.
What? Yeah, they keep like beaming back in and I keep sending them back out into space. It’s like getting easier and easier to push that button, though!
What? The party? Like I said, it starts in like an hour! So, let me like get back to work, will you?
Anyway, I look around the huge warehouse and see that everything is like set up perfectly—including the shiny new blue Audi with the huge red bow on the hood. It’s parked by the buffet and is her birthday present from her doting parents.
The band is set up and ready to go. Chris has talked to Jillie and she promised to sing with the band. I like haven’t talked to her and I like know it’s going to be awkward…
“Jacie?”
I jump at the quiet voice behind me.
What? Yeah it like scared me a little, since I wasn’t expecting it.
What? No, there’s like a ton of security! There’s little chance that anyone will be able to pull anything like a kidnapping tonight.
Anyway, that’s like not really what made me jump.
I turn around and say, “Hi, Jillie. I’ve missed you!”
She bites her lower lip and nods. She says, “I’ve missed you, too. I can’t help but feel that maybe I was too harsh—I just can’t help being jealous.”
I hesitantly pull her into a hug—waiting to see how she will like react. When she doesn’t pull back, I squeeze her tight, then push back and look her like squarely in the eyes and say, “Jillie, I understand now how you might get the wrong impression about my relationship with Dite. Just to like let you know, I’ve had a long talk with her—and Rita and others—and what I can say without a doubt is that Dite is my adoptive big sister. Yes, I love her—that was cemented even more by our common experience. But I love her as a sister.”
Jillie’s starting to tear up and I put my hand gently on her cheek, “Don’t cry and give Kate or Kim an excuse to attack you with their little case of horrors!”
That gets a smile out her and I smile back as I continue, “Jillie Holiday, I love you with all my heart as a friend, as a sister, and as my truest and bestest girlfriend—if you’ll have me back.”
She doesn’t answer me—well, not with words, anyway.
I feel my foot pop so hard that I think it makes a hole in the ceiling. And there shouldn’t be any like sort of residues on my vocal cords when I sing tonight—they’re well cleaned after the kiss that I get!
I melt into her arms and ask, “So, is that a yes?”
The answer I get is a bruise on the arm from where she hits it with a tightly-balled fist. She giggles, “You drive me nuts, you know that!”
Then she looks at me in alarm as I burst out in tears!
What? No, it didn’t like hurt that bad!
She asks—the concern clear in her voice, “Jacie? What’s wrong? I was joking!”
I shake my head and stutter out with a shaky breath, “I….i…i….it’s…th…the…h…h…h…or…mones!”
She looks at me—and then it like dawns on her what I mean. She shrieks, “You’re on hormones? Like really? Since when?”
The rest of the band rushes over and all I hear is a muttered comment in the background, “Well now it makes sense why she’s been such a bitch!”
I’m not sure who said it—I think it was Barbs…
Anyway, I nod and say, “Sorry guys, I wanted Jillie to be the first to know. Day and Kim know because they were there the night I got them. Anyway, yes—I’m now forever more just plain Amanda Christine ‘Jacie’ Alexander. James Tiberius has been laid to rest!”
I’m suddenly at the bottom of a pile of human bodies—then find myself pulled into a chair while Kim fixes my makeup. I smile at Jillie sitting in a chair next to me—getting fixed up by Kate.
Then we all go up on the stage and get ready for Mitsi’s grand entrance. Apollo had signaled that her parents just pulled up to the special parking spot and are getting a blind-folded Mitsi out of the back seat to lead her inside.
I look around at my best friends—both old and new—and just like know it’s going to be a great night!
The second book is slowly coming to an end—only one or maybe two more chapters… I hope everyone is still enjoying the story.
Once again, I sincerely thank everyone that stuck through the difficult parts and has continued to support it! This chapter is meant to be pure fun and should lighten the mood before some more of the puzzle is pieced together in the upcoming chapters and Book 3.
HUGS!
Shauna
Apollo gives us the sign and Fred clicks his sticks in a soft countdown…
The door opens just as Day starts a slow, baleful, very Celtic sound on her e-violin. Kim picks it up on her e-cello and Fred starts a soft beat on his drums.
The Myers lead a still-blindfolded Mitsi into the warehouse. Of course, she doesn’t recognize the playing. We had only practiced it a couple of times this week—and Mitsi was nowhere around as we were doing it. On top of that, it’s Day and Kim at the forefront and Mitsi still has little knowledge of these two powerhouses when it comes to playing their chosen weapons…err instruments.
What? Oh… Like trust me! These girls play their instruments like finely-tuned weapons of mass destruction. ‘Awesome’ is like the understatement of the century—maybe the millennium, even!
Anyway, it’s clear that Mitsi is like confused, which was like totes the plan! She like was expecting PS2K!
What? Oh, the Celtic sound? Well, there are like a few reasons for that. The main one is that Mitsi actually likes it.
What? I like know! Right?
The second is that I’m about to like start singing and it like fits better with my new pipes… Or like so I’m told. I’ve been practicing with Madame Clark all week.
What? Like can you let me sing and then I’ll catch you up on it, K?
Kim changes up her playing and softens her tone. Day’s sound takes over as lead and is bone-chilling in it’s effect. I focus on Fred’s beat and the vibrations of Johnny’s bass pulsating in my Borg breasts like a second heartbeat.
I rely on Fred’s signal…
What? Yeah, I like really totes need to learn how to read music…
Anyway, I take the microphone and a deep breath, then start out low with Barbs singing backup:
“(Don't trouble the water)
I won't (leave it alone)
(Why don't you, why don't you, let it be?)
(Still water run deep, yes it do)
I know that
(Whoa-o-o-yeah)
If you only believe”
I repeat it—then pick up steam along with Kim’s sound:
“When you're down and out
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you
I'll take your part
Oh when darkness comes
And pain is all, is all around”
Then the whole band joins in as I sing full-throttle:
“Just like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
(Like a bridge)
Just like a bridge
(Over troubled) over troubled water
I will lay me down”
I continue singing and have my eyes like closed in utter concentration…
What? Ok, Ok! Like it was totes a shock when Rita mentioned that Mitsi was a huge Riverdance fan—like none of us knew! Then she like happened to mention that she loves also Simon and Garfunkel…
This was like just this week as we were finishing up preparations for the party. Chris like nearly blew a top, since that’s not like the band’s typical stuff. Day and Kim just like burst out laughing, though.
Fred and Sam had to like almost physically peel Chris off of them. It like totally spooked us all… I like may have been a little harsh in my words to Chris in response, too. I’m like not totes sure why I reacted that way—I just went like completely psycho-bitch on him… Barbs has had so much fun with that, though—her new nickname for me is ‘The Bitch’.
What? No, it’s in good fun! I like don’t mind… Nobody outside the Circle like better call me that, though! Somehow, it like almost seems totes like a badge of honor—knowing how bitchy Barbs can get on her period and all…
What? Hormones are a bitch! Who knew?
Anyway, it like turns out that ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ is Day and Kim’s band’s official theme song! Their band is like even named, ‘Troubled Water’ and it all like ties into Aunt Mindy’s planned restaurant, ‘The Bridge’.
What? Yeah, Like Day explained it all, but I like don’t have time to get you caught up… You’d like have to ask Day yourself.
What? Like yeah, you could like also just totes read about it yourself in ‘Amadeus Irina’, too. K?
Anyway, Day and Kim quickly got everyone up to speed on the song and like somehow I got elected to sing.
I like almost showed Barbs what kind of bitch I could be when she like threw me under that bus!
Anyway, back to the song—we’re like almost there…
I take one last deep breath as the music starts to fade and bring it to a close:
“The troubled water (leave it alone)
Oh!
(Why don't you, why don't you, let it be?)
Come on come on
Walk out on me
(Still water run deep)
Oh
(Yes it do)”
I open my eyes and see Mitsi standing like front and center right in front of the stage with her blindfold in her hand and tears like streaming down her face.
I blow her a kiss and she storms the stage to the thunderous applause of everyone in the building.
I look in total wonderment at the high schoolers all like cheering us after singing an oldie—albeit a way jazzed-up one.
What? I like don’t get it! No! Like really!
Anyway, Mitsi rushes the stage and goes straight to Sam. She gives him a kiss that like totes makes my foot pop just like watching it!
Then she takes Day’s and Kim’s hands and pulls them over to me. Before I like know what’s happening, I’m in the middle of a group hug that only like gets bigger and bigger—and like heavier and heavier—as the rest of the band joins in.
After a couple of minutes, I like burrow out of the pile to get some air, only to find my foot like really popping big-time as Jillie gives me a kiss of her own.
When I like come up for air, I look into Jillies’ eyes and she whispers, “O! M! G! My girlfriend is so hot!”
I like blush so red that I think that I make Aunt Mindy’s hair look totes pale pink in comparison! You know, like cotton candy pink…
Oh! Speaking of Aunt Mindy, she surprises us all as she like comes over and commandeers the microphone…
What? No! It like wasn’t planned—at least like not by us!
I look at Jillie and she shrugs. I look at Chris and he like shrugs more.
We all turn to listen to what she has to say…
As people like see her at the microphone a lull in the noise grows until there is complete silence in the warehouse.
What? Yeah, it’s like totes weird! Day like told me she has that…aura…
Anyway, when it’s like totally quiet, she smiles and says, “Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen, and Family and Friends of Mitsi. Let’s give a huge birthday round of applause to the birthday girl!”
There is a huge round of applause with hoots and hollers that instantly dies down as Aunt Mindy starts speaking again…
What? Maybe it’s like her cute Irish brogue? That lilt is like totes cute!
Anyway, she continues, “Most of you don’t know me, but I’ve come to know Mitsi’s best friends over the last week—while they’ve been busy planning this shin-dig! Let’s give them all a huge round of applause—including Apollo and Aphrodite from ‘The Greek Goddess’!”
More huge applause, then instant quiet when Aunt Mindy starts up again—it’s like almost creepy!
She says, “Now, many of you know ‘PS2K’—the band that Mitsi is a member of…”
There are like hoots and hollers and shrill whistles.
Aunt Mindy pauses, then says, “That’s right! I think they deserve more than that, though, don’t you?”
<>
Then Aunt Mindy continues, “Tonight, they are joined by some special guests from New York City—a select part of a new and upcoming band, ‘Troubled Water’. Kim Connors on the e-Cello and Day Schlosser on the e-Violin!”
There is a mixed reaction to that announcement—and I like think it’s entirely on purpose.
There is like a huge applause, for sure—but there is a lot of buzz, too.
Aunt Mindy lets it go on for a bit, then raises her hands for quiet. The place gets deadly quiet again and she smiles, “You heard right, Day Schlosser is alive and well and came to play just for Mitsi’s birthday! Now, shall we party?”
After like a moment of quiet, there is a thunderous applause and Aunt Mindy shouts, “I can’t hear you! Are we ready to party?”
There is more applause and shouts of ‘Yeah’ and Aunt Mindy starts a chorus of ‘Party’…’Party’…’Party’…
Then Fred takes up his sticks and beats out a rhythm.
Johnny picks it up on his bass and Kim blows it up on her e-Cello. I gently push Mitsi down the stairs to greet her guests and go to the microphone with Barbs.
Barbs squeezes my hand when it’s time to start…
What? Yeah, she can like read music. It like totes sucks!
Anyway, she squeezes my hand and she sings the deeper part of ‘Rewrite the Stars’ as I sing the higher one…
What? Yeah… It’s like much higher!
Anyway, we transition to another ‘Troubled Water’ favorite, ‘Thunder’; then I take the lead in ‘Chained to the Rhythm’. I can’t like believe how the kids are dancing and singing along.
We take a short break to get some water and Apollo takes the mic…
“Good evening, Ladies and Gents! Welcome to Mitsi’s Sweet Sixteen,” he shouts. “Are we having fun, yet?”
<>
He says, “I just want to say that I’m a huge fan of this band—as you know, if you’ve ever been to the Goddess!”
<>
He continues, “The band—and with that, Mitsi—has become a part of my family and I’m proud to say… Food’s on!”
He hands the mic back to me as there’s another huge round of applause but no movement from the dance floor.
I like fully expect my next song to remedy that…
The band goes to the buffet—all except Barbs, Sam, Day, Kim, and me…
Sam starts out on the keyboard with a recognizable ‘organ’ sound—to those that are fans…
Then Kim and Day add their signature effects…
Then I take a deep breath as Barbs starts singing the song that a few days ago caused me to lose consciousness…
“Where in the world
have you been hiding?
Really, you were
perfect!
I only wish
I knew your secret!
Who is this new
tutor?”
I take a deep breath and answer:
“Father once spoke
of an angel . . .
I used to dream he'd
appear . . .
Now as I sing,
I can sense him . . .
And I know
he's here . . .
(trance-like)
Here in this room
he calls me softly . . .
somewhere inside . . .
hiding . . .
Somehow I know
he's always with me . . .
he - the unseen
genius . . .”
Barbs:
“Christine, you must have
been dreaming . . .
stories like this can't
come true . . .
Christine, you're talking
in riddles . . .
and it's not
like you . . .”
What? Really? Like right now in the middle of the song? OK! OK! Of course, it’s creepy that my name is now Christine! Anyway, the song… K?
Another deep breath:
“Angel of Music!
Guide
and guardian!
Grant to me your
glory!”
Barbs:
“Who is this angel?
This . . .”
Then we both sing:
“Angel of Music!
Hide no longer!
Secret and strange
angel . . .”
Then Barbs goes to the buffet and we transition as I sing:
“Think of me
think of me fondly,
when we've said
goodbye.
Remember me
once in a while
please promise me
you'll try.
When you find
that, once
again, you long
to take your heart back
and be free
if you
ever find
a moment,
spare a thought
for me ...
We never said
our love
was evergreen,
or as unchanging
as the sea
but if
you can still
remember,
stop and think
of me ...
Think of all the things
we've shared and seen -
don't think about the things
which might have been ...
Think of me,
think of me waking,
silent and
resigned.
Imagine me,
trying too hard
to put you
from my mind.
Recall those days,
look back
on all those times,
think of the things
we'll never do
there will
never be
a day, when
I won't think
of you ...
We never said
our love
was evergreen,
or as unchanging
as the sea
but please
promise me
that sometimes
you will think
ah-ah-ah-ah-aaah-of me!”
I sigh…
I like know it was terrible—even though like Madame Clark and I practiced for several hours every day this week and she like said I was totes ready…
My instinct that I liked totes sucked is confirmed when you could hear a pin drop in the warehouse as I—and the music—stop.
I like brace myself for the booing—or the food to start flying.
What? I don’t think Apollo put any rotten tomatoes on the buffet! So, I should like be totes spared that at least!
Anyway, color me all colors of surprised when the deathly silence turns into a raucous, thunderous, painfully loud applause.
I nearly find my way back out into space without a suit, but for my new-found friends that are like much wiser in the worldly ways of performance etiquette.
Day and Kim saunter over and ‘gently’ remind me to curtsey with them and then we make our way to the stairs to get some food.
We’re like all mobbed and I like seriously don’t get it!
What?!?! Aside from the fact that it’s still like totes foreign to me that I can supposedly sing… Phantom and high schoolers?
What? Of course, the music is cool!
Err… I’m not alone in thinking that? Like really? You’re…sure?
Anyway, Apollo makes his way back to the microphone and says, “OK, Ladies and Gents! Let’s let our live entertainment eat a bit and wish the guest of honor a happy birthday. In the meantime, my niece, Aphrodite, will be your DJ!”
I see Dite go onto the stage and am blown away with the sounds of ‘Titanium’ before I’m completely obliterated by a kiss from Jillie…
As soon as I can come up for air, I’m re-submerged and like totes taken off-guard by a kiss from Mitsi!
I blush deep-red and look at Jillie when she relents. Jillie just giggles and says, “Well? Who’s better?” She winks at Mitsi and I blush even brighter.
I sigh and say, “Well, if my name were like Sam, there would be no doubt! But, like since my name is Jacie, there still is none…”
Mitsi pouts and says, “That’s like no answer, Jacie!”
I wink and say, “Best you’re going to get! Happy Birthday, Mitsi!”
She giggles and says, “I hear this is like 98% your doing?”
I shake my head and say, “Maybe up to last week—but Day and Kim and the Circle have been so vital to making it happen! We’ll talk—but I’ve had some…issues… I’m good now, though. Really good! And… Oh, in case I forgot, like just Happy Birthday, Hon!”
I throw my arms around a clearly surprised best friend and feel the tears flow freely and unabashedly as I return her surprise kiss.
I’m like pulled in ten thousand directions a second!
I’m like ready to cry at the smallest thing!
Then I’m like ready to bite everyone’s head off!
Then I’m like in heaven!
All in all, I’m like finally at peace with myself!
What? Yeah, I’m in hormonal Hell! And it’s wonderful! I mean, at least the girls like get it…
What? The guys? Like you really think they’ll ever get it? Girls will be girls!
Anyway, less than a week in and my thoughts are getting much clearer! I like didn’t realize how muddled my thoughts actually were!
What? The voices? Still there—but I like have to send them to space less and less every day. It’s like down to once or twice a day… A vast improvement! Like totes!
What? The Klingon? Still there and still worrisome… But, I’m like seeing the light at the end of the black hole…
What? Haley? Damn! You really had to bring her up! Like didn’t you!?!
“Well, hello, Bitch Wanna-be!”
I swallow my bite of wonderfully sweet Baklava and turn around to confront the like totes bitter presence of Haley.
What? No! Like ‘sweet’ and ‘bitter’ don’t always equal ‘bitter-sweet’—this bitch has issues!
What? Language? Yeah! You’re right! Like give me some time to adjust to these ‘mones’! K?
Anyway…
I smile at her.
What? No, it’s not like a sweet smile—although, it like is supposed to look like one. You know—a like fake sweet smile.
I say in a fake sweet voice to go along with the ‘smile’, “Well, hello Haley. It’s so nice to see you. Are you having fun?”
She gives me like the weirdest look; then grimaces, “You’re like totes weird! You know that?”
I shrug and say, “I tell you what, Haley. Let’s get a little bet going on—shall we?”
She like continues to stare at me like I’ve grown another head.
I grin, “You’re like so danged proud of your hair. So, I propose a truce until the end of the school year. At that point, we’ll have a panel of professional judges decide who has the best hair and bangs. If I win, you’ll leave me and my friends alone—like forever. If you win, I’ll find a different school.”
I hear a collective gasp behind me as the Circle like hears what I just challenged her to. I turn to them and say, “You’re my witnesses.” I turn back to Haley and ask, “So?”
She turns bright red, but then says, “You’re on! But how do I know you won’t back out?”
I shrug, “The same way I will like have to trust you won’t!”
Barbs steps up and says, “Jacie, if you’re really totes crazy enough to go through with this, then there’s like a simple solution.”
She pulls out her phone and turns on the video, “Now, both of you like state the bet again—and the stakes.”
We both follow Barbs’ lead and she videos us on her phone—then she like posts it to various social media feeds before we can stop her.
Haley blusters, “You idiot! Do you like know how that makes me look?”
Barbs smiles, “You mean totes like a bigoted bitch? Nah! It like never crossed my mind, at all!”
Kim comes over and hugs me after Haley storms off. She says, “That was very brave, Jacie. Very stupid, but very brave, too!”
I grimace, “You like don’t think I can win?”
Kim shakes her head, “I know you can win! But, even that and the video won’t stop Haley from keeping on bullying you, if you don’t show her down.”
Jillie giggles, “Well, let’s let the ‘Battle of the Bangs’ begin and win that, then we’ll worry about winning the ‘War of the Warts’!”
I fake pout, “Hey! I like don’t have warts!”
Mitsi comes over and gives me a hug, “No, Hon. But Haley like has enough for us all!”
What? I’m acting girly-girlish?
Totes!
Anyway, I’ve like got to get back on stage! K?
I follow the girls—including Mitsi—back on stage and take a deep breath. Scott comes up on stage…
What? You like know, Scott Myers—Mitsi’s Dad!
Anyway, he comes up to the microphone…
What? Yeah, it’s like planned! Can we like get back to this?
Anyway, he says, “I hope everyone is enjoying the party and the great food!”
<>
He smiles and continues, “I’m sure everyone has seen the Blue Beauty—the car, not my daughter’s matching beautiful eyes—sitting by the buffet. I’m also sure that everyone has guessed that it’s Mitsi’s birthday present…”
<>
He ignores them and finishes, “I’ve asked Jacie to sing a special song in honor of the car…”
He turns the mic over to me with a tight hug and Fred starts a low beat, then Day and Kim join in—then the rest of the band.
What? Yeah, it’s like they’ve always been a part of us. I’m like really going to miss them when they leave!
Anyway, I take my cue from Fred and start singing:
“I've been staring at the edge of the water
'Long as I can remember, never really knowing why
I wish I could be the perfect daughter
But I come back to the water, no matter how hard I try
Every turn I take, every trail I track
Every path I make, every road leads back
To the place I know, where I cannot go, where I long to be”
I keep on building momentum until I get to the chorus:
“See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me
And no one knows, how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I'll know, if I go there's just no telling how far I'll go”
Everyone like joins in and I’m like totes blown away!
We finish the song and I give Mitsi a huge hug, then say into the mic, “Thank you, everyone—now the band has another special song for Mitsi! This is like totes her!”
Fred starts the beat and Day starts a low background sound. I take my cue from Fred:
“I'll be the last one standing
Two hands in the air, I'm a champion
You'll be looking up at me when it's over
I live for the battle, I'm a soldier, yeah
I'm a fighter like Rocky
Put you flat on your back like Ali
Yeah, I'm the greatest, I'm stronger
Paid my dues, can't lose, Imma own ya, ay
I've been working my whole life
And now it's do or die”
Then everyone starts screaming as the whole band joins in for the chorus:
“I am invincible, unbreakable
Unstoppable, unshakeable
They knock me down, I get up again
I am the champion
You're gonna know my name
You can't hurt me now
I can't feel the pain
I was made for this, yeah, I was born to win
I am the champion”
We all laugh and Mitsi helps me finish the song…
Close to the end, I notice Uncle Barn come in and whisper into Uncle Chuck’s ear. He smiles and goes out with Uncle Barn. They like suddenly appear backstage and beckon for Kim to come over. She smiles and hurries off-stage in the middle of the song.
Day picks up the slack like it’s totes no biggie.
I like have no idea what’s going on.
When we finish the song, Kim comes over and whispers into my ear, “Do you know ‘Gallway Girl’?”
I shrug, “Sure! I think like everyone does.”
She nods and pulls me over to Chris and whispers to him, “Can we please do Gallway Girl? We have a surprise for Mitsi.”
He looks confused, but nods, “Sure. We should be able to pull it off—especially if you and Day know it and lead.”
She nods and Chris goes around and lets everyone else know what’s going on as Kim takes the microphone, “Hi, everyone!”
<>
Kim continues, “Mitsi, please stay up here on stage—we have another little surprise for you. We may have conspired with your Momma just a little…”
She giggles and like looks like a girl on a drug high.
I close my eyes and concentrate on remembering the words to the song, since we haven’t like really ever practiced it.
Day starts playing her e-violin like an Irish fiddle and at a cue from Fred, I start singing:
“She played the fiddle in an Irish band
But she fell in love with an English man
Kissed her on the neck and then I took her by the hand
Said, "baby, I just want to dance"
<>
Day fiddles some more and Kim joins in…
I continue:
“I meet her on Grafton street right outside of the bar
She shared a cigarette with me while her brother played the guitar
She asked me what does it mean, the Gaelic ink on your arm?
Said it was one of my friend's songs, do you want to drink on?
She took Jamie as a chaser, Jack for the fun
She got Arthur on the table with Johnny riding as a shotgun
Chatted some more, one more drink at the bar
Then put Van on the jukebox, got up to dance”
Then Day takes off again and I jump at the loud sound of tapping on the stage behind me.
I like turn around in totes surprise and see a young girl dancing in perfect Irish form. Kim is jumping up and down while playing her e-cello, which looks like quite the feat!
Rita comes on stage and hands Mitsi a pair of the same type of shoes the girl is wearing and Mitsi like emphatically shakes her head no. Rita smirks and comes over to the mic. I yield it to her and she asks, “Hello, San Francisco! Would you all like to see Mitsi dance with another of our special guests from New York City. Meet Emily Connors!”
<Emily and Mitsi! Emily and Mitsi!>>
I giggle as a blushing and clearly embarrassed Mitsi sits down and puts on the shoes; then the girl—I’m like assuming the infamous Em…
What? You like know—Day’s sister and Kim’s girlfriend…
Anyway, she comes over and takes Mitsi’s hand. She does a few steps and Mitsi repeats them surprisingly well!
What? I like have no idea how…
Anyway, they do this back and forth a bit, then they both take off together and Day and Kim go wild, then Fred gives me the signal:
“You know, she played the fiddle in an Irish band
But she fell in love with an English man
Kissed her on the neck and then I took her by the hand
Said, "baby, I just want to dance"
With my pretty little Galway girl
You're my pretty little Galway girl”
We like go back and forth between singing, dancing, and singing and dancing. The whole thing takes like twenty minutes and everyone is totes out of breath—including the audience that like totes sang along the whole time—when we bring it to a close.
I can’t hear as three hundred some-odd kids and other guests go wild over something that I like never would have thought possible.
Mitsi hugs Em and then my hip like pops out of its socket as my foot pops when I watch Kim give Em a kiss. Mitsi gives Sam one to rival it. Barbs gets in on the game and gives one to end all to Chris. Not to be left out—or outdone—Johnny gives one to Kate. Then both my feet pop as I hang on to Jillie’s neck when she gives me one to put them all to shame!
Dite comes up to the mic and says, “Before this gets totally out of hand, get ready to dance!”
She starts playing Avicii—after calling for a moment of silence—and the crowd goes wild!
I rub my sore feet as we all sit at a table at the ‘after party’. All of the guests—as in the kids—have left and it’s only Mitsi, the band, and Day, Kim and Em. We’re in a corner while the adults finish cleaning up.
I look at Em and say, “I still like don’t get it!”
Em smiles and says, “Well, it seems that it somehow came out in a conversation that Mitsi here used to take Irish dance lessons—and is actually a huge fan of it. That somehow led to bringing me out here for the weekend…”
Mitsi rolls her eyes, “Yeah. I like used to be pretty good at it, too. I just started having some foot issues and had to call it quits. Those issues are like cleared up now—it was just a growing thing, they say. Anyway, I like just never got back to dancing because there was like so much else going on. I like totes miss it, though!”
Kim says, “You totally should go back! You’re really good, Mitsi!”
She blushes and shakes her head, “Nothing like Em!”
It’s Em’s turn to blush. I like guess to transfer attention, she looks at me, “And you, Jacie—I’ve never heard anyone sing like you!”
Now it’s like my turn to blush and deflect, “I hear you’re no slouch, either, Em. Care to give the ‘rents some music to clean up by?”
She shrugs and giggles, “If you can muster up some musicians from somewhere—they don’t have to be good. I don’t do acapella!”
I giggle back, “I just like might be able to do that!”
And so, we play and sing another hour.
When we get home at two in the morning, I’m certainly dead on my feet. That doesn’t mean that the impromptu pajama party that materializes at Mitsi’s house means that any of us girls get to sleep!
I watch the Klingon take off its mask…
Actually, like it’s more the ghost of a Klingon…
I’m shocked, though! The face I see is not mine! I can’t tell who it is! I can tell that whoever it is, though, they’re not a fan of mine…
I sit at the counter in the Myer’s kitchen. I look at the clock and groan internally—six thirty in the morning.
Kim hadn’t like shut up until five.
After the dream with the mysterious new Klingon woke me up, I couldn’t get back to sleep. So, I like snuck into the kitchen and made some coffee.
I nearly spill it all over myself when I feel gentle, but snug arms wrap around me from behind and a hear a whisper in my ear, “They don’t understand. They can’t. I wish I could say it will go away…”
I grasp the hands that are clasped in front of me and swivel my head to look into Em’s eyes.
I sigh, “Coffee?”
She shrugs, “Sure.”
She pours herself a cup and says, “I’m still on NYC time and an early riser, at that.”
I nod at the unsolicited explanation. I like don’t know whether to believe it, or not—but I am grateful for the company.
I ask, “It really doesn’t get any better?”
She shrugs and blows on her coffee. She takes a sip and grimaces, then says, “Well, it gets better—but it doesn’t go away. At least it hasn’t for me. They’re still out there and I don’t trust the peace. For you, it must be even worse. At least I know who my tormentors were—are.”
I sigh, “But they did such terrible things to you!”
She screws up her lips into a self-depreciating, half smile-half grimace, “And they almost killed you! I could only wish they would me at the time.”
I look deep into her eyes and we like connect at a level that only survivors can.
I say, “Thanks, Em. If you ever need someone to talk to…”
She nods and says, “Likewise—Sis!”
And we both fall silent and simply enjoy each other’s understanding—there’s like no need to discuss it any further.
The second book is slowly coming to an end—only one more chapter… I hope everyone is still enjoying the story.
This chapter will finally reveal the secret behind Jacie’s and Dite’s kidnapping! Let me know if you had it figured out before reading the story! :-)
HUGS!
Shauna
What? Kim wouldn’t like crash last night—it seems that the Sandman has totes finally like caught up with her! Of course, he had visited us several times last night while Kim was fighting him off!
Momma grins and asks, “Did you girls have fun, last night?”
I can’t help but like get caught up in a fit of the giggles when I suddenly realize that every girl here has some ‘extra’ skin—except the one that’s sound asleep on her girlfriend’s shoulder! I wonder what that means?
I like get some looks and focus…
What? I’m like overloaded with caffeine!
Anyway, I reply, “Yes, Momma. I like guess I owe the Circle that sleepover in the Family Room, now? I just need to like sleep ahead for a few weeks if Kim is going to be there!”
She nods sagely and says deadpan and in a totes serious tone, “Yes, I guess you do!”
We all giggle…
What? Sleep deprivation and ‘mones! A like totes devastating combo!
Momma pulls up to the garage and hits the opener just as Uncle Chuck comes out the door with a packed suitcase in one hand and his phone in the other.
Momma opens her window before she pulls into the garage and asks, “Chuck, what’s up?”
He says, “I have to get to the airport. I have a lead on the case and need to get back to NYC, tout de suite! Don’t worry! I’ll call a cab!”
Momma says, “Nonsense! Girls…out! Chuck…in!”
We all like pile out and give Chuck an inquisitive look as he loads his suitcase into the trunk. He gives me a hug and says, “Take care of my girls, OK? I have a really good lead. If it pans out, I may be able to finger who has been after you!”
I squeeze him back hard and say, “They’re in the Circle’s hands! There like are no better! But you like be extra careful, OK? These idiots are totes no one to toy with! I can certainly like vouch for that!”
He nods solemnly and says, “Jacie, you know what? I believe you! I’ll let your parents know what I find out through Barn! And, yes, I promise to be careful!”
With that, he climbs into the car and Momma backs out of the driveway and roars off with him—I assume to the airport…
What? The others? They’re still deep asleep and snoring like you wouldn’t believe…
Anyway, we’re like discussing Uncle Chuck’s optimism that he may know who is behind Dite’s and my kidnapping and who tried to kill me…
What? Of course, it was Gio Franco and his crony! But who paid them?
I look down as my phone beeps and I notice the little FBI controller app turn off the monitoring one.
What? I figured out a way to have it notify me when things change.
What? No, the FBI doesn’t like know—well, not that I know of!
Anyway, I’m just about to like say something when the doorbell rings. Momma looks at me and we both shrug at the same time.
I shake my head and go to answer the door. To my surprise, Special Agent Jerry and Agent Slim are at the door.
Agent Slim says, “Hi, Jacie. Mind if we come in?”
I shrug and fight a yawn, then motion them in and point to the kitchen.
Momma is as surprised as I am…
What? Normally, they like make an appointment—or give us a heads-up, or something. We’ve also like not heard anything from them in days.
Momma says, “Well, hello Gentlemen. What can we do for you?”
Special Agent ‘J’…
What? No…not really. No resemblance at all to ‘J’ on Men in Black… I mean…maybe ‘K’, but, well, like ‘Jerry’… ‘J.’ Get it? It’s just easier…
Anyway, ‘J’ gets right to it, “We were monitoring the last couple of hours of feed and understand that Chuck Connors has a lead and left this morning to chase it down?”
Momma nods, “That’s right. He thinks it’s a good one. He’s going back to the clinic in Texas—that’s all I know, though.”
Agent Slim—‘S’?—seems perturbed, “Why didn’t he say something to us? We had a deal! Why is he going there?”
Momma shakes her head, “I don’t know. He didn’t say—on either count.”
‘J’ says, “Well, that just chaps my hind-end! We gave him access to the phone app information that we have; he could have at least let us know that he found something.”
I give him a funny look, “How do you like know that whatever he found is linked to the phone app?”
He shrugs and says, “I don’t—but, he still could’ve reciprocated. There are so many moving pieces to this with the Mexicans and the Greeks… I really don’t need a rogue detective to worry about mucking up things on top of all of that!”
Em gasps, then nearly shrieks, “Don’t you dare! You have no idea! I wouldn’t even be here if not for him!”
He looks at her, half in surprise and half in aggravation. Then he seems to have an enlightened moment and says, “You’re the Levine girl he rescued, aren’t you?”
Em just nods—she’s like in a huff.
What? I totes get it!
Anyway, he nods and says, “Look, I’m glad he was able to save you—but, this is different…”
She shrilly breaks in, “Really? How is that? Do you know what they were doing to me? Do you know the danger he put himself in for me? He’s like that when it comes to family. Like it or not Mr. ‘Special Agent’, Jacie’s family, now! And, no…not in the Mafia sense!”
I groan…
What? I’m afraid that may be all-too true, though…
‘J’ looks at Em and I suddenly picture Em as ‘M’ in James Bond…
I giggle as I picture that conflict. ‘MIB v. In the Queen’s Service’…
What? OK… Like I said, ‘mones plus caffeine plus lack of sleep…
Anyway, ‘J’ lightens up.
Score one for the Queen!
What? I am being serious!
Anyway! ‘J’ says, “I understand, Ms. Levine. I mean no disrespect, but we’re kind of responsible for Jacie’s safety and uncovering this international crime ring.”
Em nods and says, “And I’m sure that Uncle Chuck could care less about ‘credit’. He’s only worried about Jacie’s and Dite’s safety. He’s only worried about ending this. And if it hurts the Cartel that came after me, so much the better! I don’t care about your political toes or if he stomps all over them!”
Momma giggles, “She’s got you there, Jerry. Let it rest. Chuck will do things you can’t. I’ve only known him a few days, but, I know people that trust him with their life. I know people that say he will do what needs to be done. I know people that say he doesn’t give a sh… Ummm…that say he’s not restrained by the political constraints that you’re bound to. Let him do what he needs to do—because I trust these people a H… Ummmm… A lot more than I trust you. Err… No offense…”
‘J’ looks like Momma slapped him.
She goes on, “Look, you have my daughter and her friends on a digital leash that you control. If that leash breaks, she’s put straight back into the arms of her intended murderers. You may or may not mean well, but… I trust Chuck. Get over it!”
I wait for the explosion! I see ‘J’ and ‘S’ get red—then redder…
Then, ‘J’ starts laughing. I’m afraid he may choke he’s laughing so hard!
When he like comes up for air, he gasps, “OK! OK! I yield!”
He wipes the tears from his eyes and turns more serious, “But, I still want to know what’s going on! I ask that you let me know what you find out? Also, we need to record some false sessions to replace what you actually said over the past hour—that would be devastating if it gets to them!”
Momma nods and says, “I will let you know what I can—when I can.”
‘J’ seems satisfied and we start discussing the best way to send false information to the real villains…
Two hours later, we have replaced the hour of incriminating discussion with misleading ‘leads’ and have agreed on ‘discussion’ for the next hour…
When my phone is finally put back into ‘safe’ mode three hours later, I’m like totes mentally exhausted and find myself ignoring the ministrations of ‘J’.
What? ‘Of course’, he’s just looking out for me… Right?
Anyway, we’re just finishing up when the other girls finally wake up and come into the kitchen. Just to be like safe, ‘J’ checks Em’s and Day’s phones to see if the app is on them. The controller app on the Circle’s phones prevents it from replicating from ours, but…
What? No, it’s not there.
‘J’ and ‘S’ leave and Day says, “I’m not sure I like those two—I can see why Uncle Chuck is being secretive.”
Em nods gravely and Kim says, “Yeah, Daddy will take care of you, Jacie. There’s just something…off…about them!”
I nod and sigh. I know what they mean—ever since Gio, I have trust issues when it comes to the FBI…
Daddy puts his finger over his mouth to signal me to be quiet and I look over at Em and Day, both like sound asleep, as I had been moments before—and for once, not dreaming…or having a nightmare.
What? No! No Klingons!
I look at Daddy, the fear in my eyes abating, only to be like replaced with rage, then curiosity.
He shakes his head and I silently follow him out of the family room without like waking either of the other girls.
I look at the clock in the kitchen and nearly fall over to see it’s only 2:13 a.m.!
I whisper, “What’s up, Pop? This is like…”
He shakes his head and says, “Go to your room and pack for a trip—at least two weeks, maybe longer. You’ll be in a good place and can wash clothes, if need be—or get more, if all else fails. Hurry up, Hon! Your Momma’s up there and has already started pulling things together for you.”
I sigh and hurry to my room. As like promised, Momma is there and already packing my things. I ask, flustered, “Momma, what’s this all about?”
She shakes her head and whispers, “We’ll talk in the car. Be quiet…”
My head is like ready to explode, but I hurry and help her get my bag packed, then we get into the car—after Momma takes my phone, removes the battery, and leaves it on the kitchen counter.
Daddy pulls out of the garage and drives down the street without lights until we’re like three blocks from the house, then he turns them on and roars towards the airport.
Once we are underway, Momma hands me a prepaid phone with no bells or whistles. It will make calls and text—that’s like it. She says, “We can’t trust the FBI, I’m afraid to say. Chuck set a trap—Jerry and Slim were the only ones that knew that he was supposedly going to the clinic in Texas. A couple of hours ago, there was a raid by the Mexican Cartel and they were looking for him. Fortunately, no one was hurt—and he is nowhere near Texas.”
I gasp.
Daddy continues, “Chuck has hard evidence on what this all about. Unfortunately, we don’t know exactly who to trust, at the moment. It could have only been one of those two that triggered the trap—or both. We’re sending you to the one place that they won’t expect to find you, but you’re going to have to trust us and keep a low profile, OK? The teachers’ strike is going to be going on for a while, so a couple of weeks away won’t hurt in those regards.”
I feel my tired eyes bug out. Fortunately, I don’t have to go chasing them down…
What? I like have no idea! Ever since I started the ‘mones, things have been different…
Anyway, I ask, “So, where am I going—and why?”
Daddy says, “You’re going to NYC…because that’s where the mastermind behind all of this is…”
OK, I admit it—I was like totes wrong! I race ahead of the car and pick up my eyes before Daddy can run over them. Once they’re safely back in their sockets and I’m like back in the car I sound like Minnie Mouse when I ask, “Say what, now?”
Momma shakes her head and says in a serious tone, “We know it sounds ludicrous, crazy, insane…”
I feel like my head is totes going to rattle off I’m nodding so hard in agreement.
Momma continues, “But you need to trust us. Like your Daddy said, Chuck has it all figured out and we need you away from here to wrap it up. We can’t trust the FBI, but we had to let Apollo in on this, too—Dite is still in danger, too.”
Daddy sighs and says, “It looks like we’re throwing in with the Greek Mafia on this…”
I’m trembling from the raw adrenaline coursing through my veins—it’s like a totes good thing I don’t have any coffee at the moment. I fairly shout, “But who? What? Why?”
Momma shakes her head and says, “You’re Uncle Barn will explain later. Right now, the less you know, the better.”
Daddy rushes into the airport drive and right past the main building that’s dark this time of the morning, anyway. He drives on to a hangar where private planes are kept and I see Uncle Barn standing there waiting for us with Aunt Bree.
We all get out of the car and Daddy goes to shake Uncle Barn’s hand and they go off to one side to talk. Momma goes and gives Aunt Bree a hug, who then beckons me over and hugs me, too. She says, “This is all very crazy—even for Barn!”
I shake my head, “I like wish someone would let me in all of this!”
Aunt Bree smiles, “Barn will catch you up on the plane. I hope you’re OK being his co-pilot?”
OK, so I like definitely still have issue with my eyes… I find them under the plane and blurt out, “Co-pilot! Really?”
Aunt Bree giggles, “Well, you’ll basically just fill the seat and keep him awake. Normally, that’s my job, but…” She pats her pregnant belly and shrugs.
I nod sagely and say, “As long as there’s coffee!”
She laughs this time, “Hon, there’s plenty of that and more! There’s a full galley. No attendant, though—I’m afraid that also falls under the duties of the co-pilot!”
I giggle, in spite of myself.
What? I’m like still totes confused!
Momma squeezes me hard as Daddy grabs my bag and puts it into the plane. He comes out and gives me a hug, then wipes the tears from his eyes as he says, “You be careful and we’ll see you in two weeks.”
I shake my head, like totes not knowing what to say, other than, “I love you guys!”
Barn leads me onto the plane after kissing Aunt Bree, then he shows me to the cockpit. I sit in the right-hand seat and he starts like flipping switches and checking things. After a minute, I hear the engines start to roar and he pilots the plane out to the runway and quickly takes off.
I wait patiently…
What? OK, OK! Maybe not so patiently!
Anyway, I wait for him to get everything situated while I figure out how to make coffee in the galley. After I have some strong brew prepared, I pour two cups and take them up to the cockpit. I hand him one and he smiles, “Well, now! You’re hired!”
I sit down with a heavy sigh and ask, “OK, Uncle Barn… Can you please let me in on what’s going on?”
He takes a sip of his coffee and raises the cup in a salute, “Good stuff! I like it strong! And, yes, there’s not a whole to do now, but sit back and let the autopilot do it’s thing. We’ll have to stop for some fuel in Omaha, but, otherwise, it’s going to just be a long ride.”
He takes another sip of coffee and seems to like be in deep thought. Finally, he says, “When Chuck told me what he found out, I was floored, to be honest. This is one of the most callous, heinous things I’ve ever been witness to—not that this is my sort of thing. Anyway, Chuck found some strange connections that looked like coincidences, at first. There were just too many and he figured out that your FBI handlers were somehow connected with this whole sordid affair. He and your Momma set the trap for them—along with a Texas Ranger friend of mine. One that I know can be trusted. He captured several pretty high-ranking Cartel members as they were looking for Chuck at the hospital. As you know, only Jerry and Slim knew about that piece of information—although, they had no way of knowing they were the only ones.”
I nod and sip my coffee, which is finally cooling down enough to drink.
He continues, “Knowing that one—or both—of the agents was involved gave him another point in the web to look for more connections. Doing what he does best—painstakingly following the strands of the web they have woven—he found the spider at the center.”
He takes another sip of coffee and a deep breath, then like surprises me with a question, “What do you know about Tony Gioglio?”
I shrug, the look on my face clearly answering his question, but I say anyway, “Who? I’ve never heard of him!”
He shakes his head, “But you have. He happens to be the nephew of Frankie Gioglio—who is professionally known as Gio Franko. Although, I will admit that’s not a well-known fact. Very few people would know Gio’s real name.”
I feel my face pale at the like mere mention of that name. I still like have totes no idea what that has to do with anything, though. I say, “OK. But, I’m like pretty sure you’re not just like giving me the rundown on the Gioglio family tree. Who is this Tony?”
Uncle Barn laughs, “Patience! We’ll get there! So, Frankie –or Gio—is an international hit man, as you know. He’s also a card-carrying member of the Italian Mob. Now, Frankie is what you might call mob material—through and through a tough cookie. Cruel and ruthless—but careful and calculating. It didn’t make any sense why he would be involved with you or Aphrodite—especially after Apollo was able to run down through his connections that there was no mob contract out on either of you. On the contrary, relations between the Greek and Italian Mafias are pretty stable. They’re not about to throw in together, or anything, but they’re at a truce.”
I sigh.
What? Of course, it’s all fascinating, but…
Anyway, Uncle Barn gets up and gets us more coffee, then says through the steam rising from his cup, “It all made no sense. The only connection that made any sense was the Italian-Mexican one—they are throwing together in some limited cases. We just couldn’t figure out why the mob was after you or Aphrodite. There was no connection there to drugs—or, like I said, any sort of official hit.”
I shudder just like thinking that unsuspecting people actually have hits put out on them.
Uncle Barn sips his coffee and winces, then says, “So, we started looking for unofficial reasons that Gio would come after you. We still couldn’t come up with anything, though. At least, not at first. Then Chuck came up on an old case brought against then Agent Jerry—it was an internal affairs thing that was ultimately dropped for lack of evidence. There was an insinuation that he was taking bribes from the Italian Mafia in NYC. It was during that time that he also started using the FBI’s controller app that is on your phone. Like I said, the charges were dropped and he was promoted out to the west coast—but was the connection just a coincidence?”
I take a sip of my cooled-down coffee, like now totes fascinated in spite of my impatience!
Uncle Barn continues, “When Chuck then found out that the supposed bribes were from the Gioglio family, the coincidences just started seeming too odd.”
He raises his hand as I start to protest, “Hang on, Princess! We’re getting there. I promise!”
He smiles and takes another sip of coffee, then checks the controls on the plane before turning back to me and continuing, “Now, where it gets really interesting is that the idiot that actually kidnapped you and Aphrodite was just a low-level Mafiosi—more a wanna-be, than anything. But, he was a well-known friend of Tony Gioglio. Both of them, total bunglers. Both wanting to make a name for themselves—the big difference being that Tony was born into the family, while Sam, the kidnapper, was just a thug friend of Tony’s.”
He checks an instrument that is like flashing at him, makes some adjustments, and turns back to me. He sighs, “So, Tony was born with a silver Mafia spoon in his mouth and thinks he’s untouchable. Oh, he’s smart enough to not let people know that his family is part of the family, but he uses the family’s wealth and his Italian charm to get whatever he wants—or the family ties to take it, if all else fails.”
He says, “I don’t know about you, but I could use a snack… I think I saw some fresh donuts back there.”
He gets up and I give him a look…
What? It still seems like totes weird that he’s just leaving the cockpit! I like don’t care that there’s an autopilot!
He grabs the box of donuts and offers me one. I sigh and take one—a sugar-high like can’t hurt, right now!
I give him a look as I bite into it and he laughs, “OK, OK! Tony saw a girl in school that piqued his interest and he made his move on her. He used all his charm and wooed her into becoming his girlfriend—then shortly after setting his hook, he showed his true colors. One day he shows up at her house when she was home alone—knowing that he wasn’t supposed to—and proceeded to forcibly take what he wanted when she wouldn’t give it freely.”
When the girl’s mother got home, she found her daughter laying on her bed, her clothes ripped off of her and crying. It brought back the memories of her own situation from sixteen years ago—the one that resulted in the birth of this daughter and the shame and humiliation of the trial that resulted in the bastard—the daughter’s ‘sperm donor’—going free. She vowed that her daughter wouldn’t go through that same humiliation and took her to see a doctor friend, who ensured that she would not become pregnant from the attack—then she quickly packed up her things and quietly moved far away with her daughter to protect her from any public humiliation. She told her daughter that the police had the guy in jail and that they had enough to put him away for a long time—even without her testimony. It was a lie, but it was well-intentioned—if totally the wrong thing to do. She had no idea who Tony really was—nor about his connections.”
He takes a deep breath, then continues, “When the girl just disappeared, Tony got worried. He couldn’t control her if she wasn’t around, so he used his low-level connections to reel her back in. He didn’t want his Dad to know what he’d done—that wouldn’t have gone well. He had an ace up his sleeve, though. He had infected her phone with a special app—one that would replicate to all of her friends’ phones and give him an accounting of what she was doing. That’s how he hatched the scheme to have her taken care of without incriminating himself. He got his idiot friend to plan a kidnapping that would include a transgendered girl that was stirring up things at school. The girl would just ‘happen’ to be taken, too, and there would be no connection back to Tony—it would just be an unlucky coincidence that the girl was included when the apparent target was her transgendered friend.”
He looks at me and the tears streaming down my face as I wail, “So, Tony raped Barbs and was going to kill both of us to cover his tracks. I was like the red herring in the whole thing—make it look like a hate crime, but in reality I was just collateral damage in his cover-up?”
Uncle Barn nods, “Yes, I’m afraid so. But Tony’s bungling friend grabbed you and Aphrodite instead of you and Barbie. That ignited tensions with the Greeks and Tony’s Dad had to get involved. That’s how Gio—Frankie—got pulled into this—or so we assume. Why he didn’t go ahead and kill you, we may never know, but we figure Greg—the Dad—didn’t want to have to clean up that mess, so he just sent Gio to scare you—and poked Special Agent Jerry, still on his payroll, to keep an eye on you.”
I feel like totes drained. I ask, “So, why are we going to NYC?”
Uncle Barn sighs, “Well, unfortunately, while Greg has a handle on Tony and his idiots, he doesn’t have a handle on the Mexican hornet’s nest this has stirred up. The fact that Chuck’s diversion cost them some major players, along with other losses they’ve racked up in Texas because of this whole ordeal, has them fuming. We caught wind that they’re in San Fran and are targeting you and Aphrodite.”
I gasp.
He says, “No worries! Apollo is taking care of her and the others should be safe enough, but Rock has taken Barbie and her Mother to a safe house, just in case. This whole thing should be blown wide open soon—maybe even by the time we land.”
I sit there like totes blown away. It’s like totes weird, though. I seem to like have my eyeballs under control and the cotton candy in my head has like largely faded away since I started on the ‘mones. I’m like totes clear-headed on this whole thing…
What? I’m like not so sure that it wasn’t better being in Cotton Candy Land, to be honest! Being clear-headed can like suck!
Anyway, I ask, “So, what’s like the plan?”
He shakes his head and says, “Believe it or not, you’re going under cover as a student in your Aunt Grace’s school for a couple of weeks. You’re going to be an exchange student from Canada—posing as her real niece. Day’s going to stay in San Fran for a couple of weeks, but will supposedly be in Canada in your place. Kim and Em are coming back to NYC with your Aunt Mindy on a regular commercial airliner this morning. You’ll stay with Grace and Em—not be in the dorm—since, you’re actual family.”
I almost have to go chase my eyes…
I blurt out, “Canada? I don’t know anything about being from Canada!”
He laughs, “Relax, Princess. You’ll be fine. Just be vague about ‘home’—it’s just for two weeks! We should have this all mopped up, by then—at least, we’ll have protections in place in San Fran to make sure you’re OK. We have similar ones in place for Em in NYC—but that’s all I’ll say about that. The less you know about that, the better.”
I shake my head, “So, I’m like just supposed to relax and hang out in NYC for two weeks while all of this like goes on around me?”
He shakes his head and says, “No, you won’t be relaxing! Your Aunt Grace already has a full voice curriculum set up for you—the purported reason you’re exchanging places with Day. You’re going to get some special voice lessons, while Day’s going to supposedly be teaching some dance and instrumentation at your hometown school. You may even find that you want to actually transfer to the music school for your last couple of years!”
He winks, then says, “OK, buckle up, we’re coming into Omaha…”
What? What am I stewing about? You really need to ask that? I mean like totes?
Anyway, I can’t believe that this all goes back to Barbs and her ordeal. Uncle Chuck may not believe in coincidences—but like this is totes weirding me out! Maybe it’s like not coincidence, but fate? If so, what do the Fates actually like have in store for us?
This whole thing caused me—the Jacie ‘me’—to wake up from the dead. It almost then caused me to be dead. I can’t imagine what Barbs must be going through right now—I assume that her Mother has like come clean with her, by now. I’m not allowed to contact her—or, anyone else for that matter. ‘J’ and ‘S’ don’t know that we’re on to them…
I look at the useless phone Momma gave me and sigh. I can’t even like check up on my social media feeds with this thing to take my mind off of this—it’s like totes useless. I let my mind wander and wonder how the polling is going? The last I checked on the ‘Bangs Wars’ feed, Haley wasn’t faring well—and we haven’t even like gotten to the actual contest, yet. People seem to be taking it to heart that she is a bitch—and this whole thing just showed her true colors. Not that it will like matter. If school ever does start back up—and I make it back—then I’ll totes put her bangs to shame!
I giggle a little at the thought and jump as Uncle Barn comes in and asks, “What’s so funny?”
I sigh, “Nothing, really, Uncle Barn—I was just like putting some things in perspective. I like totes thought Haley and her Dad—or some of the…err…um…suspended jocks were behind all of this. I would have like totes bet on it. I’m still going to like beat Haley at her own game and squash her bullying like a bug, but it’s sort of nice to know it’s not anyone from school.”
He nods and says, “I understand. Let’s get in the air and I’ll tell you about Apollo’s friends taking down a bunch of the Mexicans at your house while we were in the air.”
He laughs as I chase my eyes down, then says, “We may need some fresh coffee…”
This is the final chapter of the second book in the ‘Doll Trek’ series. I hope everyone enjoyed the story in spite of the misunderstood early chapters.
I sincerely thank everyone that stuck through the difficult parts and has continued to support the story!
The third and final book in the series will start after a short break to give my batteries a chance to soak up some summer sun and refresh themselves.
HUGS!
Shauna
What? I don’t have any experience on other modes of flying, but private jet like seems the way to go in my book!
Anyway, Uncle Barn gets us back in the air and I make us some fresh coffee, then he tells me about ten thugs from the Mexican Cartel that try and storm our house in the middle of the night.
What? If you’ll like give me a minute, I’ll get to all of that! But, to like answer your question, no, Momma and Daddy weren’t in the house—a bunch of Apollo’s ‘friends’ were, though.
Now, the Mexicans thought they had the element of surprise—but, the tables were like turned on them and they were quickly dispatched.
What? No, they didn’t like kill them! Err…I think…
Anyways!
After he finishes that story, we’re like still a couple of hours from New York and one thing is still totes bothering me. Not that I like think that Uncle Barn has the answer—but I ask anyway, “Uncle Barn, one thing is still like bothering me.”
He grins and I give him a look. He shrugs, “Just one thing? That’s pretty good, I’d say, with everything I’ve told you on this clandestine trip. When you’re done, though, I will have to confess something that bothers me, too, OK?”
I nod, puzzled at his response. Anyway, I say, “When Barbs was like telling me her story back…well…in the beginning. Ummm…anyways, she said that her parents—as in with an ‘s’—came home and her dad pulled the guy—I guess we now know now that was Tony—off of her. Yet, I’ve never met her dad—he’s supposedly in the military overseas somewhere… And you said that Barbs was the result of an attack on her Mom—and that Barbs herself was…”
I let the sentence drop. I can’t like say it out loud.
He nods and says, “Well, Jacie, you’re the only one of your ‘Circle’—or the band—that knows the whole story—unless Barbie has told Chris, herself. It was a cover story her mother made up to protect them both. Remember, Grace didn’t want Barbie to have to suffer through the public humiliation that she did—so, she convinced her to go along with this story. It’s a wonder that girl can even think straight having to bury something like that. Although, I’m told her psychiatrist knows the truth and is treating her for what really happened. It will be up to Barbie whether she tells the others, or not—but, she was insistent that I tell you the truth.”
I nod. I for sure can like relate to burying something to protect myself from humiliation—although, Barbs hasn’t experienced that part of her ordeal. I shudder and can’t even imagine what she actually went through, though.
I pound the dash…
What? I have no idea what it’s like called in a jet!
Anyway, Uncle Barn looks at me with concern and I shrug with a red face, “Sorry! I’m just like frustrated that I can’t like call her—or anything…”
He nods and says, “I know, Jacie, I know. It’s for the best, though—until we can get all the loose strings tied up.”
I sigh and take a deep breath of the coffee-scented cockpit air, then indulge myself with a quick sip of the still-steaming brew in my hand.
I look at Uncle Barn and ask, “You like have something to confess? To me?”
He nods solemnly and says, “Jacie, you’re a very bright young lady and I know you’re still in a very confused and formative stage—so, now is the time for you to make some real choices.”
I look at him, totes confused!
He checks some instruments and leans back in his seat, then looks straight at me and says, “I know this is a very stereotypical view of California girls—but it is as prevalent as views on blond girls. You get a double whammy—you’re both. Personally, I don’t think using words like ‘totes’ or ‘perf’ or ‘like’ every other word in a sentence means anything other than a nerve-grating conversation for me. But, many people will see that as a sign of someone to not take seriously—worse, being blond, they may take it as sign of air-headedness.”
I blush deep red and want to retort, but like bite my tongue, since he doesn’t seem to be finished.
“Think about it,” he continues, “do you take a guy that talks like the sea turtle on ‘Finding Nemo’ seriously? That ‘surfer dude’ talk is meant to make people not take them seriously. Is that what you’re after with your ‘valley girl’ speak? If so, by all means carry on! If you’re just doing it to fit in—or because you somehow think it’s cute—then, at least be aware of the consequences.”
I like want to yell at him!
What? I totes don’t like talk like that! It’s kind of like dorky!
Oh… O! M! G! I l… err…do, don’t I? I talk like that…
I l… get my breathing under control and my heartrate back down…
What? Well, I am getting better at controlling the speed of ascent and descent on the ‘hormonal roller coaster ride of emotions’…
I nod and bite my lip, then I say, “Thanks, Uncle Barn. I didn’t really li… ummm… realize that I was saying it as much as I do. I don’t think my friends even say it that much… It just li… ummm… sort of slipped in and tote… errr… became a habit. I guess I do need to work on it…”
He smiles and pats my knee. Then he says, “I didn’t mean it as a criticism, Jacie—I guess I better start calling you Chrissie, so we both get used to it. I just wanted you to know what people would likely be thinking about you if you talk like that. And—you’re supposedly from Canada, so you should probably be using other lingo, eh?”
I grin and resolve to like cool down my use of ‘like’.
What? Oh… I did it again!
What? Yes, New York City… What else did you li… err…think I meant?
What? I know it’s a State, too…
Anyway, he taxis the plane up to a small hangar and turns off the jet engines. I see a smiling couple standing beside an SUV outside the hangar. I assume these are my ‘exchange parents’—as in Day and Em’s parents.
Uncle Barn motions for me to open the door…
What? He had l… err…showed me how in Omaha.
Anyway, I open the door and go down the stairs as the couple walks over to the plane.
I wait nervously at the bottom of the steps while Uncle Barn comes down them. I’m suddenly embraced in a nice hug and the lady says, “You must be Jacie! Well, Chrissie, for now. Anyway, I’m Grace and this is Rich—we’re going to be your adoptive parents for the next couple of weeks.”
The guy smiles at me, but stays back.
I instantly like these two. Day and Em had told me they were l… err…the go to foster parents for the system here for many years—until they had adopted Em and Day and ‘retired’. Now, I know why…
Anyway, I nod and say, “It’s nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Levine. Day and Em have li… ummm… told me a lot about you. Thank you for putting up with me…and my issues… I totes… umm… really appreciate it!”
Seeing that I’m not going to bolt, Mr. Levine comes over and gives me a friendly hug and says, “Nonsense! I don’t know what issues you’re talking about! Barn! Did you hide something from us?”
I notice he’s like smiling, so I know he’s kidding!
Err… I think!
Barn laughs, “Nothing that I can think of—other than her overuse of the word ‘like’ and ‘totes’!”
I blush deep red and Mrs. Levine gives him a scathing look. He has the good graces to blush and raises his hands in surrender.
I giggle. I do like these people.
I say, “No, he’s right, Mrs. Levine. I l… ummm… do need to break that habit!”
Now it’s my turn for a scathing look. She says, “Well, I’ll forgive him—this time! But, before you start a new bad habit, you need to stop calling us ‘Mr. and Mrs. Levine’! We’re Grace and Rich—Aunt and Uncle, if that makes you feel better; but certainly not something we expect. We do expect you to be comfortable with us, though. Deal?”
I nod and say, “Yes, Ma’am… Grace…”
She nods and says, “OK, I’m sure you’re tired of traveling. It’s only about a thirty-minute ride to the house. We’ll get you settled in, then I want you to meet Jenny. She’s going to be your ‘Rita’ while you’re here.”
She notices the funny look on my face and says, “What? You thought you get a vacation while you’re here? Nonsense! You will maintain your sessions—and Jenny is wonderful. You’ll see. You’ll also be fully integrated into the school schedule. I hear you may need a little help with learning to read?”
I blush—I think I’m beginning to like her less…
What? No! I’m li… ummm… just kidding!
Anyway, I say in a perplexed tone, “I can read! Who…?”
Then it dawns on me and I blush, “Oh… You mean music…”
She giggles, “It’s no shame to be illiterate, Hon. We’ll have that fixed before you leave!”
Rich laughs, “I would feel sorry for you, Chrissie. But you can’t argue with the Headmistress of the most successful music school in the country! Not to mention, I learned a long time ago to not argue with my mother or my wife. Since, she’s now your ersatz-mother…”
He shrugs and I smile with a sigh.
What? This is going to be an interesting couple of weeks. And here I like thought I was going to be able to relax!
What? She has visible laugh lines—but also obvious frown ones.
She says, “OK, Chrissie. Rita has read me in on your file and I have looked through some of it on my own. I want you to understand that you are now my client, the same as you are Rita and Gina’s—and what we talk about in here stays in here, OK? I have a slightly different style than they do—and a different background. I’m more versed in dealing with trauma-related issues and I think you may have experienced a bit of that?”
She winks at me and I nod with a wry smile.
She nods and says, “OK, I don’t need you to recount the whole story. I’m sure you’re very tired of doing that, but would you tell me how you’re doing?”
I give her a perplexed look.
What? It’s a stupid question!
She smiles at the look on my face and says, “Stupid question, huh?”
I chase my eyes around the basement music studio that we’re sitting in at the Levine’s house, then pop them back in and nod.
She smiles, “OK. Let me ask it differently. How do you think you’re doing? Do you think you’re over these sessions?”
I sigh, “Umm… I li… errr… I don’t know… I l… ummm… I mean, I’m having fewer nightmares—and they’re changing. But, I’m still totes…ummm…totally confused about some things.”
She gives me an encouraging smile and gently prods, “Like what?”
I sigh again and ask, “You know about the Klingon mask?”
She silently nods.
I say, “It’s no longer me behind the mask, anymore. But, I still dream about it—only now, I have no idea who it is!”
She nods and says, “And that makes you feel confused? I can certainly understand that! Anything else?”
I take a deep breath and blow it out. Then I shrug, “Well… Li… Everything that has resulted in me being here! I mean it like totes blows my mind! Sorry… It totally confuses me!”
Jenny visibly represses a look of frustration and I want to kill her. She shakes her head and says, “I’m not judging you or your problems, Chrissie. I promise! I just am noticing another struggle you’re having. It’s like totes up to you whether you want to focus on your real problems and relax on your struggles with your bad vocabulary habits while we’re in session. I promise to help you with those habits outside of the sessions, if you want—just tell me your thoughts without worrying about that filter for now. I don’t judge you by your language, OK?”
I blush and nod.
She grins, “Perf! So, you were saying that the events that have led you here are confusing—let me see if I have them right.”
I take a breath and let it out. She’s tough! I like her!
She smiles like she knows what I’m thinking, and lets out a string of events like a machine-gun, “So, let’s see… You meet a girl back when you were presenting as a boy and wanted to get to know this girl better because you were too afraid to ask your best friend to be your girlfriend. This is when you were repressing memories of being bullyed when you were a young child—and with that, you were also repressing that you were most likely transgender. You get to know the new girl through the girl that you really want to be your girlfriend and make changes to your lifestyle after finding out the new girl was abused in order to get closer to her. These ‘temporary’ lifestyle changes lead to your repressed memories flooding back and to you having to confront those. This leads to you getting the girl you really want as your girlfriend—but as a now apparent transgender girl, yourself. It also leads to new bouts of bullying at school and for a hitherto unknown reason to your kidnapping and near murder. That, in turn, led to you having vocal cord surgery that gave you a world-class voice. Then you find out the real truth behind your former girlfriend’s attack—and that she is actually the ‘result’ of the same type attack on her mother when she was a child. To help make it all crystal clear, there is a sprinkling of Mexican drug cartels, Italian and Greek mafias, and joining a band.”
She takes a breath and smiles, “Does that about cover it?”
I sit there stunned and nod dumbly.
She shrugs, “And that confuses you?”
I repeat the dumb nod.
She nods back, “I can certainly understand that! And that was just the nutshell version! It doesn’t take into account any of your feelings—or the psychological impact of the original or later bullying, or the physical attacks on you. You have been violated multiple times, Chrissie! It’s OK to be confused! It’s healthy to be confused! You just have to unpack it and process it and not let the confusion dominate your life!”
I nod again dumbly. I think about the fact that this whole string of events actually started with Barb’s mom’s violation and the resulting pregnancy. Without that, Barbs wouldn’t be here—at least not the Barbs that I know! It shaped Grace…
What? No, Barb’s mom—not Day and Em’s!
Anyway, it shaped her—and that in turn shaped Barbs.
Then there’s like the other time thread… The one where I was bullied in Kindergarten. For better or worse, it shaped me. I have no idea how I would have turned out, if that hadn’t happened. I wouldn’t be who I am today—but would that be a bad thing? Would I be a better or a worse person? Only a time traveler that could cross the multiverse of infinite possibilities could like know!
What? Yeah! My head is starting to explode!
Then…the two timelines get thrown together and all Hell breaks loose—like the explosive exogenic reaction of two thermogenic reactive chemicals being callously thrown together!
But… Who like threw those chemicals together? Is it all some grand plan?
Jenny gently breaks into my reverie and says, “Penny for your thoughts, Chrissie.”
I shake my head—I know my eyes must like have a to… really glazed look.
I sigh, “I… I… Why? I mean… Barb’s mom—and Barbs. Such tragedies in their lives, but without it, there would be no Barbs. My…issues… Without them, who would I be? Then we were like just thrown together and it all exploded like water being thrown on white phosphorus. Why? Who orchestrated that? God? If so, why? Do we have any control over our own destinies?”
Jenny grabs my hands and squeezes. She smiles as she looks me directly in the eyes and says, “Those are excellent questions, Chrissie. They are exactly the right questions—for a philosophy class. Does God exist? Is there one God or many? If one, male or female? Is our life pre-ordained? Do we have control over it?”
She squeezes my hands again and says, “Continue asking yourself those questions—they are healthy questions for anyone to ask themselves. As long as you don’t let them consume you and lead you down a road of depression or resigned futility. But, you have identified something important in all of that. Past actions by others have shaped a lot of things about you, now. You had no control over those things. I personally believe you do have control of—at least the minor—things in your life. Do you believe that you are in control of what you do, how you act—or react to things?”
I sigh, “I like don’t know. I would like to think that the kids that tormented me in Kindergarten did so because they were influenced by their parents’ beliefs and didn’t know any better.”
Jenny nods, “Do you know any of those kids today? I know they were older than you at the time.”
I think about the few that I like still have any sort of contact with and nod, “A few.”
She asks, “How have they reacted to you as Jacie?”
I shrug, “Most are like agnostic about it. Some are openly supportive. Nobody has like actually attacked me about it.”
Jenny nods, “So, they have chosen a different path than the one they were on in Kindergarten. Why? We don’t know. But something made them change their minds… Maybe it was you…”
I give her a double-take, “Say what, now?”
She smiles, “Think about it. Maybe you coming out helped them see the light. Who knows? It doesn’t really matter for the purposes of this today. The thing is that you have to accept that sometimes bad things happen—pre-ordained or not. You have to decide whether you want to fall into the camp of ‘I’m doomed and can’t do anything about it, anyway’—or, if you want to fall into the camp of ‘OK, that sucks, but I’m not going to let it define me in ways that I don’t want’. You have the power to decide whether you want to join a convent and hide the rest of your life—or whether you want to grasp the opportunity to bloom into the person you want to be and take the licks that come along with that.”
I shake my poor aching head.
What? Here I thought she was like supposed to be helping me!
She smiles, “I bet you think I’m not helping here!”
I go find my eyes again and nod.
She says, “Think about what we talked about here, Chrissie. A lot of things have been thrown at you that you have no control over and it has resulted in you questioning some of your choices—like choosing to transition. You are not alone in the position of questioning whether events in your life guided you there—or if it is who you really are. You know at least one other person that wonders that…”
She winks and I l… err… have to wonder…
She continues before I can ask, though, “The fact that you are no longer behind that Klingon mask tells me that you have at least subconsciously worked through that particular question. You’re a remarkable young lady, Jacie. You just need to settle down your inner turmoil long enough to let your conscious catch up. As for not knowing who’s behind the mask now—well, fear of the unknown is a normal thing. Just don’t let it paralyze you and I think that particular dream will fade away, too.”
I sigh. I hate to admit, but she’s like right… I do know deep down that I made the right choice…
I’m about to respond when I hear the sound-proof door upstairs open and sounds of laughter flood down the stairs. Then I hear Em shout down, “OK, Aunt Jenny! Enough of the torture! Let the poor girl come up for air! I promise, you can torture me extra-hard in our next session!”
Jenny laughs and says, “Oh! I’m not done with either of you! We’re having a joint session tomorrow!”
Em and I both groan at the same time, which comes out as some sort of eerie surround sound—hers from upstairs and mine from down here…
I give Jenny a hug and whisper, “Thank you. I’ll like think…”
I yell, “Ouch! What was that like…”
“Ouch,” I yell again as she pinches my butt again…
She grins, “I’ll come up with something better, but for now, you’re fair game for anyone to pinch whenever you use the word ‘like’ in the wrong manner—or ‘totes’, at all!”
I groan, “And here I was l… err…going to thank you!”
She gives me an evil grin and pushes me up the stairs.
What? I mean, really! I’m l… ummm, I’m just amazed!
Uncle Chuck is sitting at it with Aunt Mindy. Then there’s Uncle Barn between them and Grace and Rich, followed by Jenny. I’m sitting between Em and Kim and feel a strange mix of comfort and fear at that…
What? The way those two l… ummm, look at one another, they might run over me to attack each other in a fit of love!
Anyway, Uncle Chuck is recounting the last of the story, “So, as it is, Jacie. There’s no need to continue with the charade of you being an exchange student. Tony has his family under control and promises they will all leave you—and Barbie—alone. More importantly, he’s going to back the Mexicans off you—he’s confident that they want his business more than revenge. At least for now. We’re working on some more long-term protections for you—which is why you’ll be spending some extra time here.”
I look at him, “Extra time? Like… Ouch! What? Oh… Stop that!”
I rub my butt where Kim had pinched me and she smirks, “Then stop the ‘likes’!”
I sigh and continue to rub my butt. I look back at Uncle Chuck and ask, “How long is ‘extra’? Aside from school…”
I don’t add that I’ll miss Jillie.
What? Of course, I’ll miss my parents, too! Duh!
Anyway, he says, “The teacher strike has gotten so bad that they’ve just cancelled the last few weeks of school there. It’s a mess.”
Grace adds in, “You’ll just go to class here, so you’ll be ahead of the game when you go back home. Oh, you’ll need to move into the guest room, I’m afraid. Day will be home next week and will need her room—besides, I think you would prefer to be in the same room as Jillie? Not that I’m condoning any inappropriate behavior, you understand! I just know there’s no stopping you from getting together—any more than these two when Kim sleeps over here—or Em over there.”
Aunt Mindy rolls her eyes and I just shriek, “Jillie’s coming?”
Rich nods, “Day is going to spend the week with her friends out there and finish catching up. The two of them will then fly out here together. That will give you a chance to get settled in here without any ‘distractions’. Jillie will also be going to school here for the rest of the year with you.”
Grace nods, “Yes. We’ll have to figure out what musical talents to focus on with her, but I’m sure we’ll figure out something.”
I giggle as she winks.
Then it hits me.
I say in a stunned whisper, “So, it’s over… The nightmare is over.”
I feel a squeeze from Kim and Em on both sides of me and Jenny nods, “Yes, Jacie. That particular nightmare is over. Remember what we talked about, though. Choices.”
I feel a sympathetic squeeze from Em and I nod.
Then I gasp, “What about the Battle of the Bangs?”
There are confused looks all around the table—except for the giggling Em and Kim.
Kim says, “Well, when it was announced that school was cancelled for the rest of the year, Haley crowed on social media the contest was null and void—but there was a backlash and call for a video contest. We have to get you ready! Tomorrow at four our time we’ll post a video of your makeover and there will be an online vote for the best bangs and overall look.”
Em nods, “You know you’ve got this, right? There’s no way she can win! Even if she were to win the hair contest—you’ve already won the popular vote and her particular brand of venom won’t be tolerated in school anymore.”
I sigh…
What? Can that actually be over, too? Is there a chance that I can just live a normal life? Was this all just a big test? Some grand joke?
Then I don’t have time to worry about thinking anymore about it as the three of us have to catch the others up on what we are talking about.
What? My phone? It’s a real one! I can actually l… umm… read the social media posts! Em was right. I’ve got this either way! But, there’s no way I’m letting Haley beat me, though—even though, I know she’s going to a famous Hollywood hair stylist.
Four hours later, made up like I’m getting ready to enter the Miss Universe contest, Jimmie Borden…
What? Yeah, I still almost respond when someone calls out his name. Anyway, I’m not sure, but I think he may be Day’s boyfriend…
Anyway, Jimmie turns on the sophisticated video equipment in a studio at the school that I will be starting at tomorrow, since I was in beauty sessions all day today. Kim has choreographed what I should do and I follow her script, then he uploads the video to the school’s feed.
My heart is beating hard in my throat as I watch Haley’s video. She’s beautiful—at least in looks. The venom in her personality clearly shines through the thin gilding her makeover provides, though. There is no question that her smile is fake and her ‘niceness’ is nowhere near genuine.
Em and Kim are flanking me and hugging me as we watch the votes and comments. Jillie is projected onto the wall—we’re connected via Skype—and virtually cheering me on.
I can’t stop the tears as the vote count starts rising, then sky-rockets as the message is spread to other sites and goes near-viral.
It’s not unanimous, by any means—but it’s still a landslide victory.
The vast majority of the votes and comments are in my favor—the comments all centering around my true caring and giving nature.
What? Most of the comments about Haley are about her hateful nature.
What? Yes, she does have supporters… And, yes, I l… Ummm… I know they are least one of the types of people behind that Klingon mask. I hate it! I hate that there are people like that out there! But, it takes some of the terror of the mask away!
I like…
Ouch! No fair! You’re not in on the pinching!
Anyway, I’m at peace knowing that I will have to deal with bigots. Knowing your enemy makes it easier to defeat your enemy! Or, at least not let them win…
I hug Em and Kim and blow Jillie a kiss, then jump as my phone rings.
I look down and am flooded with mixed emotions.
I know I have to have this conversation—as hard as it will be—but there are questions that I need answers to and a best friend that needs my support.
I say, “Excuse me, girls. I need to take this one in private. Love you, Jillie!”
I walk out into the hall and answer the phone, “Hello, Barbs. How are you doing?”
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