The Legal Stuff: Accidental descent into femininity ©2017 Savannah Maun
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This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
Accidental descent into femininity
Chapter 1 Background and Recap
I have decided to write a diary, to document what is happening to me. I will have to recap from when it all started, but I am thinking of potentially publishing it anonymously on a TG site. I am hoping in writing this, that others will benefit from my weird life. Anyway, lets start with the recap and probably best to include a bit of background info.
I can't say too much about myself or I won't be anonymous. I was born clearly male, and I do not think I had ever been mistaken for female. Growing up I realised that I was different to the other boys around me, I didn't like what they did, understand their attempts at one-upmanship or communicate on anything other than a superficial level. I kept to myself and read a lot. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, I always carried extra weight, enough to be heavy, not enough to be the fattest in the class. So although I got teased a bit, bullying was pretty rare. Sexual orientation was clear cut for me, I fancied women, the problem was, almost every woman I met, I got on with, but they immediately put me in the friend category, not boyfriend material. They would cry on my shoulder, telling me what idiots (and worse names) men were, ignoring, or not being attracted to me or other nice guys. I refused to become a bastard to try and attract women, and lets be honest, I didn't look all that manly. I'm 5”7, I look stocky, but most of that is fat, I have small hands, small feet, no visible Adam’s apple, the only obvious manly feature is my facial hair. I shave once a day and have a 5 O’clock shadow before lunchtime. I didn't dress very well either, looking back, I realise that I never liked my appearance. I particularly didn't like the hair everywhere. I could have done something about it, but it cost a lot and was never a priority. I met my wife on a dating site, married 2 years later and had two beautiful kids. Enough background to get started, I will add more later if I feel my unusual story needs it. Now the recap.
6 months ago, I was walking quietly on the beach. The beach was mostly deserted, just a few people walking their dog or pushing a pram. There was one man fishing. He was sitting some way back from the water, his pole was quite high, with a line presumably dropping as it got closer to the water. I say presumably because, although I knew it was there, I could not see it.
I was about 200m away when the accident happened. A young mother was jogging pushing a big 3 wheel pram, her focus on the child in front of her. From my distance it looked like she stopped suddenly, possibly even thrown back, and dropped to the floor clutching her neck, the pram continuing on for a few metres before stopping too. I rushed towards her, but a couple walking their dog and the fisherman got there before me. The fishing line had cut deeply into her neck and there was blood everywhere. The man was on his phone calling an ambulance, his partner had released the dogs and was trying to put pressure on her neck. There was nothing more I could do, so I wondered over to the pram. Inside was a beautiful baby girl, who couldn't have been more that a week old. She had woken up and was clearly getting ready to cry. I pulled her out of the pram, put her on my shoulder and started to try to sooth her.
Shortly the paramedics arrived and with real urgency rushed the lady off. Everyone but me seemed to have forgotten about the baby, or perhaps, seeing someone taking charge of the child, either thought she was mine or I knew her. She had fallen asleep on my shoulder and seemed content. I found out which hospital the woman was taken too. I decided I needed to follow and find out who should be taking care of the baby.
I phoned my wife, explained what had happened, suggested she pick me up. We didn't have any baby seats any more as our kids were seven and eight. Fortunately, my wife, Sarah, phoned a friend, Wendy, who had one, and agreed to pick me up instead. By the time I had got to the hospital, pram, baby and all, Sarah was already there and she had sad news. The lady had died en route. We explained our situation to the reception staff. I believe they called the police or child services. It wasn't long before a police lady approached us and told us that the partner of the deceased was identifying the body and would be back shortly and could we look after the child a bit longer. Sarah had to leave to pick up the kids from school. We arranged for me to call when ready and they would all come and pick me up.
I ended up going to the maternity ward, borrowing some supplies and trying to convince a very reluctant baby to go from breast to bottle. In the end, I doubt we managed to get more than a few dribbles in, but it seemed to satisfy her, at least temporarily, and she settled back to sleep. I noticed, when I placed her back in her pram, an older gentleman had been watching me. I had been so focussed on the child, I have no idea how long he had been watching, but when he saw me acknowledge him he came over.
“Hi, I'm John, and you are?”
“Kelly, pleased to meet you.” I replied.
“You seem very good handling babies.”
I smiled a bit awkwardly, I know it is unusual for blokes to be as comfortable as I am. Once you are over 40, you care less about appearances. “I love babies. I am a father of two and would have loved to have more, but my wife really struggled with the pregnancies.”
“Interesting.” he said with a thoughtful look on his face. “Look, we will need to have a chat in a few minutes. I just need to make a few phone calls.”
“OK.” I said a bit confused. I did not know why we needed to have a conversation, and considering he looked about 60, I certainly didn't realise he was the father until he came back 15 minutes later.
“We need to discuss what is best for my daughter.”
“Oh, right.”
“I have a proposal for you. I probably need to explain a bit first.” He pulled a chair round so he could sit comfortably facing me. “I suppose I am somewhat the opposite to you regarding children. I have zero interest, and definitely didn't want any. In my first marriage, we had three, and I discovered just how bad a father I am. I pretended as much as I could, but I had no real connection. To be frank, all they did was irritate me and give me less time with my wife, which further irritated me and ultimately led to my divorce. This time round, Elaine” he paused to gather himself, I could tell he swallowed an emotional response, “she gave me an ultimatum, no sex with contraception. Maybe that is too much information, nonetheless, I explained to her, my previous experience, and she promised that any children would be totally her responsibility emotionally. All I had to provide was financial support. She also said she was willing to use nannies so she would still be there for me. She was an orphan and I think emotionally wanted to give a child all the love that she had never received. Anyway, here we are, I have sole responsibility for a child that I have no desire for, no connection to and no ability to deal with. So, as I said, I have a proposal.” He looked at me, waiting for a response.
I just nodded my head for him to continue. I didn't see where he was going with this.
“I want to hire you, no that's not quite right. The baby was born in this very hospital, we have not sent off the paperwork yet, so we have an opportunity. For a price, I'm thinking $200,000 a year, guaranteed for 20 years, I want you to be on the birth certificate as the father, her name has not been decided yet, so you can choose it. You will have full responsibility. I will not have the opportunity to muck up someone else's life. I will never contact you, You will never contact me.”
It took some time to gather my wits. Looking back on it now, I probably would have agreed without any incentive, Emma, as we decided to call her, already had me wrapped around her little finger. Of course I had to include my wife in the discussion. She negotiated an increased income to $250,000 a year, he countered by insisting that I give up work and we also ended up with Elaine's new car, a red Tesla with baby seat already fitted. The funny thing is my wife is a strong believer in 'The Secret', and had been visualising and doing affirmations asking for $250,000 a year passive income and a, you guessed it, red Tesla.
All we had to do was maintain the fiction that Emma was my child, telling everyone, we had helped out a single woman with a sperm donation and the mother had an unfortunate accident. We could claim there was an insurance policy. A lawyer came round the next day, lots of signing later, we were the proud parents of a beautiful baby girl. Later that same day lots of boxes arrived which contained not only everything a rich family would buy for a new arrival but all of Elaine's stuff. We left all of Elaine's boxes in storage and prepared our house for our new child.
As any new parent knows, babies may be beautiful but they can also be hard work. Emma was no different, and her trouble was with going from breast to bottle feeding. She started becoming upset before we even got back from the hospital. I could tell she was hungry and I was trying every trick I could think of to get some milk in her. We tried all the different brands of newborn teats, various different brands of milk formulation and holding her in different ways. As the night wore on, with little success, I was getting more and more agitated, feeling overtired and concerned. My wife was asleep in bed and I was downstairs doing my best. In desperation, I came up with a slightly crazy idea. As I mentioned before, I was somewhat overweight, maybe more than somewhat, anyway the result of that is I have noticeable man boobs. My plan was to prepare the milk, allow the baby to suckle on my man boobs and use a dropper to add milk by sliding in between me and her mouth. Laborious, I know, but as I said I was getting desperate.
First off, I have to say, respect to all women who breast feed, the suction Emma could create felt like industrial power. My nips, I am guessing are not as sensitive as a woman's, but still they felt uncomfortable almost immediately and were sore in minutes. As I said earlier, I have already watched my wife go through the process with my two children and knew, one session could typically take up to an hour. Success. The milk was definitely going in, but slowly, I had to dribble it rather than squirt it and manoeuvre the dropper so that I did not break suction, both putting it in and taking it out. Within 10 minutes I had to change sides, as it was just too painful, and my hairy chest did not help either. She was clearly still hungry after another 10 minutes, so I had to switch back again. OMG, sore nips being suckled again after only a 10 minute break, well let me say, respect. I didn't last another 10 minutes, maybe 8, before switching again, with a successful burping intermission. Finally, she didn't seem to want any more, but she still kept sucking, I think just for comfort. I was struggling with the pain involved, but managed to gently pry her loose and rest her on my chest. I was exhausted, grabbed a blanket to cover us and was out like a light. What felt like moments later I was awakened by a sharp pain on my chest. Three hours had passed, Emma was hungry again, had managed to find my man boob and the industrial hoover was back. I had to get up anyway to make more formula, so I changed her nappy and tried the bottle again. No way hozeh, Emma would only take it one way.
Thus started the two most uncomfortable weeks of my life. I pleaded with my wife to take a turn, just to give me a bit of relief. She laughed at me, which I thought was a bit harsh, but said she had already had two turns and this one was mine. Apparently, I needed to man up, maybe she meant woman up. At the end of two weeks I was coping much better, Emma was putting on weight, although my nipples and whole man boobs, actually, stayed swollen, puffy, itchy and slightly red.
When I realised I was going to be doing this for a while, I knew I would have to do something about my chest hair. I tried shaving it, but it grew back fast. My main alternatives were to wax or laser. Waxing would be painful, and to be honest, considering the pain I was enduring at the time the thought of more pain anywhere near that area, made me quickly dismiss that idea. Laser sounded less painful but obviously could be a permanent result. I discussed it with Sarah for her opinion, and she surprised me by saying she liked the hair free chest look, in fact, touching my smooth soft chest was a bit of a turn on for her. She considered hair to be a bit unclean and the only place she personally liked it was on her head which did reflect her personal grooming. She particularly didn't like kissing me with scratchy stubble, or getting hairs in her mouth if she was kissing me elsewhere, which I figured, explained why she almost never kissed me elsewhere. This made me seriously consider having other areas done at the same time. To understand how seriously we are talking about, and without getting into too much detail, since our second child was born, the difference in my sex drive and Sarah's was substantial. Anything that would encourage more intimacy was always going to be a priority for me.
I was anxious when I went for my first appointment because I wanted to discuss hair removal on other areas and I was getting embarrassed about even the idea. Funnily enough the lady who I met for my first appointment, Sharon, made it really easy for me, but also even more embarrassing. Having seen the redness and irritation around my nipples and a shaved chest, she assumed I was taking female hormones and wearing breast forms. I was left with the option of explaining that I was allowing a baby to suckle my moobs, or let her believe that I was in transition. I don't know why I felt so embarrassed, I mean, I wasn't doing it for my sake, but I just couldn't bring myself to admit what was happening. Then once you go along with a lie, you can't easily back out. I had to sort of pretend that I was wanting to look more feminine. I sort of felt bullied, admittedly by someone who was only trying to be helpful and whose heart was in the right place, into agreeing to have pretty much all my body hair and face treated. My arm and leg hair had never really bothered me, but since I am dark haired with relatively light skin, it does stand out, so how do you say no, I don't want it removed? No one transitioning would want my hairy body, and to be honest I wasn't that bothered if it went, so I just went with the flow. The process was also embarrassing so I also knew, I wouldn't have the courage to go elsewhere and start again. Oh well, hairlessness, here we come.
Chapter 2 Week 3
I went to the GP this week, not for the baby this time, but for me. I started noticing wetness around my nipples, even when Emma wasn't involved and I think my nipples are bigger, possibly even my breasts are too. According to the GP I am lactating. Apparently men can also produce milk and suckling can stimulate them to do so. A hormone is released during suckling that encourages it. The milk is the same as what a woman would produce, and is better for the baby than formula, so I have been strongly encouraged to continue, but discontinue the formula. At least it is not painful any more, in fact, I feel an enjoyable emotional connection when I am doing it. She also suggested I might be more comfortable if I started wearing a bra, a maternity one obviously, as if. Good news, when Emma stops suckling, the milk stops, yeh. At least, I don't have to faff about with the dropper any more. I also am losing weight. I reckon that's related to producing milk. I know when Sarah breast fed she lost the baby weight quickly.
I went for another hair removal session and I guess I am not imagining it, Sharon commented on my increased breast and nipple size. I was a bit frightened of leakage and then having to explain, but Emma completely drained me so no problem there. I am not sure I can get any more embarrassed in front of Sharon, this time when she was working around my nipples, my downstairs got a bit excited. I very deliberately avoided any eye contact and she ignored it. Thank God she is a professional. Only 2 more weekly appointments then it is only 1 per month.
Week 4
I am getting a bit worried now. I seemed to have lost 10kg. That sounds great, and I don't want to be ungrateful but losing weight, really makes my increased breast size stand out and I am sure it is bigger again. Sarah reckons I am approaching C cup and really should be wearing a bra. I am trying to avoid it but leaking into T-shirts looks crazy wrong. My nipples are way more sensitive now and wearing anything not soft enough drives me crackers. I am using my losing weight as a reason to not buy anything yet, but I know she is right, very shortly, I am going to be a bloke in a bra. I am already a bloke that breast feeds. Nobody outside the wife and kids, the doctor and Sharon know about any of this. You can't get a 7 and 8 yr old to keep this type of secret. Even if they did I would have to become a hermit and never leave the house. Actually that sounds quite attractive at the moment.
To make matters worse, my junk is shrinking. It was never that big to begin with. It's fortunate that I am good with my hands. Sarah isn't interested in sex very often these days, but I think she is fascinated with my changes, hopefully in a good way. She definitely loves the loss in weight as, although she has never mentioned anything about my excess, she is praising like crazy this reduced version. She started caressing me in bed. For the first time ever, my wink was not responding. Strangely, I did not mind, as what she was doing felt great and I used my hands, tongue and a vibrator to make sure she had a great time. I also felt more emotionally connected afterwards, which I don't understand.
As I mentioned before, my sex drive has always been quite high compared to my wife's, so I was compensating by relieving pressure myself, so to speak. Almost without realising it, that has almost completely stopped. Even trying is not getting me very far. I also, just don't feel the need. On the plus side, soaping my breasts in the shower, has given me such joy that I don't really mind. I was cleaning them, and was surprised by how good it felt, so I went past the excuse that they needed more handling and admitted they just felt great to touch. I imagined I was touching and kissing my wife and that it was her hands caressing, squeezing and even gently pinching my nipples. The sensation just built and built and then suddenly I felt this explosion of pleasure that came in waves. I literally cried with delight, which has never happened to me before. I would call it an orgasm but it lasted longer than any orgasm I have had previously, my little fella was only half interested and nothing came out of it.
Although it was a bit embarrassing I talked it out with Sarah, I figured I shouldn't keep anything from her and any decisions we made, should be made together. I wondered if the right thing to do was stop breast feeding so that some of my changes would reverse. She first concentrated on what happened in the shower. Instead of a one or two sentence mention, she wanted a full and complete description. I may have misread the signs, but it looked to me like she was getting turned on, so I tried to be as descriptive as possible. She was smiling big time at the end of it. She wistfully admitted that she didn't react that way to her breasts, but she knew one of her girlfriends that did. Then she got a serious look on and got me to write down all the positives and all the negatives, including what she called a mind blowing female orgasm. She suggested that I add to it over the next week and then we discuss it.
Positives: Great pleasure from breasts. Feeding Emma the best food available. Losing weight. Bonding time with Emma.
Negatives: Looking half way between male and female. What people would think. Shrinking genitals and inability to use them with Sarah.
Week 5
The weight is still falling off. My breasts are still growing, but a bit less quickly. Sarah is a C cup, and I am pretty sure I am a bit bigger than her. I am not sure how I feel about it all. First off, walking without support at that size is just not comfortable. I know I am going to need to start wearing bras and I know the best way is to go to a shop and get measured properly, but I am struggling to generate the courage. I can't keep complaining about it, Sarah has stopped saying anything, she just gives me the look. I have surreptitiously tried one of hers but they are too small.
Secondly, I am getting rather attached to them. They are majorly messing with my life, because they are just getting so obvious, but I can't help liking the look of them. They look great. There, I admit it. They look great, and when I see my breasts, they make me smile. When I look down and see Emma feeding, I feel such love. Now I am worried about my chat with Sarah going over positives and negatives. I don't want to give them up and if she suggests that, I'm worried that I will burst into tears, I am feeling so emotional about it all. If I can just get over the embarrassment side of things.
Sarah surprised me today. Maya and Bex our 7 and 8 year old beauties, had great fun playing with Emma who is staying awake for longer periods now, I had a shower in our ensuite after a posetting accident. I think I produce too much milk and Emma likes to suck for comfort and ends up being overfed, so regurgitates the extra. This time the bib had shifted so I ended up covered in it. Anyway, I started having a shower and Sarah joined me. She wanted to make my fantasy a reality. OMG. When she started caressing me, my knees literally went weak. I thought that was just fiction, but no, we ended up sitting in the shower as my legs could not support me. I tried to touch her as well, but she said this was all about me, and if I moved my hands towards her core, she gently moved them away. Touching her while she played with my breasts and kissed me, blew my mind. I have never had anything like that before. When I hit that peak again, my legs were shaking and I was gasping. OMG. Again wink was mildly interested and there was no fluid. Weird but oh so satisfying. You couldn't get the smile off my face and although Sarah obviously didn't get to the same place, she was smiling almost as much.
That night Sarah approached me for a talk. The reason why she wanted to leave it a week with the positive and negative thing was she wanted to see my female orgasm as she called it before we had our discussion.
She started by looking deep into my eyes with a very serious look in hers. “Kelly, what is happening to you and what you decide to do, could have serious consequences for our family, possibly, for a very long time. I need you to be completely honest, don't hold anything back. Don't worry about what I might think, or about hurting me. You are not me, and making guesses about what I feel could have disastrous end results.” She took both my hands in hers and gave them a squeeze. “Please tell me the truth.”
“OK” I knew what she meant, if I was embarrassed or worried how she might react, my tendency was to soften what I was going to say.
“Lets go through your positives and negatives.”
I had come prepared and on the table next to us was my small list. I released one hand and picked it up. “Well, which would you like first?”
“The positives look great, lets go through the negatives, alright.” she said, maintaining this intensity.
“Um, well, er, I am getting scared of looking like a freak. I mean if I look both male and female, everybody is going to be judging me and staring at me and making me uncomfortable.”
“First of all, I don't think you look like a freak. Do you care what other people think? I mean I have had to nag you to put better clothes on, so you didn't look like a homeless person. You have never really cared before.”
“I usually don't care. OK. Brutal honesty, I think everyone cares at least a bit. I tend to care less than most people, although what you think really matters to me. Gender is such a strong issue, people have so much bias, the idea of going out looking clearly like a feminised male is scaring me.”
“We'll come back to that, I have some ideas that might help, depending on....” She paused deciding on going to start a different conversation. “Lets shelve that for a sec and move onto the last item. Leave me out of the equation regarding me having fun with them and tell me how you feel that your privates are getting smaller.”
“I don't know if I can leave you out of it.” I had to hold up my hand to stop her from interrupting. “Look, I know I have never been very big in that department, but I feel less manly when they were not involved in our lovemaking. And maybe worried that you see me as less.”
“I think it might be time for brutal honesty from my side.” she said. “Actually, before I start that, I just want to say the last two lovings have been the best I think I have ever had.”
“The last two?” I was trying to think back, as we had only made love once recently.
“Yes, I am including the shower today.”
“Oh.”
“I know, the male view is it is all about the orgasm, but for me, the emotional connection and how I feel afterwards, is what I care about.” She paused, keeping eye contact. “Be honest, how would you rate them?”
I felt the urge to look down, but forced myself to keep looking into her caring eyes, She was looking a bit vulnerable. “Awesome.” I said in a small voice.
Her smile lit up her face. “Great, now we are getting somewhere. Forget how you think I should feel about it. My brutal honesty, I don't care how big your wink is, or even if you have one. If you look back, I have never had an orgasm from penetration alone. What you can do to me with your hands, rocks my world, baby. I am never going to think less of you for the size of your penis. My previous experience suggested the reverse. The men I met with big willies were so selfish and just presumed I would have a great time if they could just fuck me. Emotionally it left me feeling less, whereas with you, I feel loved, cared for, more. I was worried how you felt about it, but after our shower experience, I'm not anymore. The reason why I am asking for truth, is because I know society has certain opinions, and I thought you would hesitate to give me anything outside of that. I know you read transgender books and I know most men would be completely freaking out in your situation. I love you for you, male, female, other. I want you to be happy regardless of what others think.”
I took a few moments to really think about what she had said. I knew I had to be honest, really truthful. “I don't want to stop. I don't know why but I like my breasts and you're right, I know intellectually I should be terrified of what is happening to my stuff. Really, I'm just, not. What does frighten me is everybody else seeing me. I want to not care, but I am scared.” I started tearing up, managing to hold it mostly together until Sarah hugged me which kicked off full on sobs. She sat there stroking my hair, cuddling and murmuring soothing nothings as I gradually calmed down. For some reason, I felt much better.
“As I said, I have some ideas. I need you to trust me. Are you worried about strangers or people we know?”
“Both”
“OK, lets start with people we know. Is it my friends, your friends or family?”
“I'm not worried about my family, it will be awkward and embarrassing, but they love me and will accept me.”
“Again, I'm not trying to hurt you. What friends of yours are you talking about?”
I had to think about that for a second, I really didn't have a lot of friends. We had moved away from home and when I stopped making an effort to keep up with my supposed friends, they didn't bother contacting me. “The guys I play squash with.”
“Are they really friends? I mean do you know their wives names, their children, even what jobs they do?”
She was right. We call anybody not an enemy a friend, but there is a scale, and nobody I knew was a close friend. She didn't wait for me to answer before dropping a shocker. “My friends already know.”
“What!”
“I'm sorry. I am so proud of you and what you are doing and you know we girls talk about everything. I couldn't help myself. You get on with all of them and they like you. This hasn't really changed how they look at you. They are all accepting, in fact they want to help.”
“Help me how?”
“They have offered to help, I haven't suggested anything yet, but they have offered.”
“They just want to see what I look like.”
“Don't be like that. I am sure they are curious. Not nasty curious. I think their offer was from a place of love. I haven't invited them round as I didn't think you were ready for that yet.”
“I'm not.”
“You are going to have to face some of your fears. Maybe they are a good first step. If you can face them, it might lessen your other worries. You can't bury your face in the sand, forever. Something else you need to face. Darling, you desperately need to start wearing a bra. I know you are still changing shape and you are scared of going to the shops. How about I measure you, and try and find something suitable, until your body has settled and your mind is calmer and we can do it properly.”
She rushed off and came back with a tape measure. Without explaining, she measured me everywhere. By the next day I had my own, fairly well fitting, maternity bra with pads you could place to soak up any accidental milk leakage. Obviously a bra is designed to support, by doing that, my breasts were even more emphasized.
Chapter 3 Week 6
I feel like I am turning into a recluse. I need to get out of the house. I have made an appointment with my GP later in the week. I have gone from 100kg to 65kg in only a few short weeks. None of my clothes fit me anymore. My tops are like tents with two poles sticking out. My waist is what has shrunk the most and my belts have run out of holes, so I am stuck in track suit pants. I look in the mirror and I see a man's head on a woman's body shape. I have even got the in and out curves suggesting hour glass shape. So, man's head, women's body and really bad fitting clothes. Sarah has suggested going out for various reasons and I keep on making excuses. I am thinking of cancelling my GP appointment, despite knowing I need some investigation, just because the thought of sitting in the waiting room looking like I do makes me feel terrible. I haven't done it because I intellectually know that is not a good enough reason. Sarah can see me struggling and has offered me all the love in the world, which helps. I just wish it would take my fear away. She has told me when she gets back from dropping the kids off and Emma settles for a sleep we will have another talk. On the Emma front, I have to say, she is a dream baby. She only really cries when she is hungry and at night I am getting almost 6 hours in one stretch now. I am pretty hairless now, and my next appointment with Sharon is not for 4 weeks. She was really impressed with my changes, but suggested I start dressing better. She was nice about it, but it still made me feel bad.
Sarah started our conversation in a direction I was not expecting. Again she positioned herself so that she was facing me, keeping eye contact and holding my hands.
“I am going to ask you some difficult questions. Before I do, I thought I would tell you something about myself that I find difficult to share.” She broke eye contact briefly. “I've never told anyone this.” I squeezed her hands in support. “When I was a young teenager, I seriously thought I might be gay. I had a crush on this girly girl in my class, Stephanie. She always dressed so cute, was always smiling and developed early with great assets. I had lots of sexual fantasies, lots of self-doubt and guilty feelings. I never approached her, I was so scared of being rejected. She clearly liked boys and was always crushing on one or another. As I got older I started being interested in boys. I have never lost my attraction for girls. Even though I was attracted to both, I knew it would be easier to stick with what society prefers. Most of my experiences with dating men have not been good ones. Before I met you I was seriously thinking of trying the other side. You were so different to any of my other relationships. I love you so much. Now your turn. You started reading transgender books, I know, I know, they have some great stories. Most people will enjoy books more if they relate to them. Do you think you could be transgender?” She squeezed my hands and stared earnestly into my eyes.
I closed my eyes for a second saying to myself, honesty, brutal honesty. I opened them and smiled slightly. She accepted me for who I am, whatever that might be. “Maybe. I wondered about it. Some things fit and some things just don't.” She nodded her head gently, encouraging me to continue. “In the stories most transgender individuals know what they are from a young age, I have never had that. They also talk about this compulsion to dress and look like a girl. Again, I don't have that desire. I sort of dismissed it at that point, but still wanted to read more stories. Then I came across a story by Karin Bishop. The main character had no clue that he was really a she until a friend forced or encouraged her to see herself in a different light and then her whole world shifted. Up until that moment her life was very similar to mine, you know, not really getting on with guys, sort of getting on with girls, reading a lot. I wondered if that meant I could be the same.” I took a deep breath, repeating to myself, total truth. “There are some online tests you can take that can are supposed to tell you if you are emotionally male or female.”
“And?” Her look was still supportive and loving.
“It suggested I was emotionally female with the suggestion that I try dressing as a woman.” I paused again after what felt like a huge revelation, but was at the same time anticlimactic. Sarah now had a big smile, which really helped. “I considered it, but again had no desire to try your clothes on, plus, in the stories the protagonist when dressed and made up looked beautiful and no one could tell that she had ever been male. Real life here.” I pointed to my face. “I would be clocked with one look.”
“Thank you darling, I know that was hard, but I don't entirely agree with you. Before you removed your facial hair, maybe, but now, I don't think so. Look, everyone is their own worst critic. Tell me, from your reading, what features generally give the game away?”
I thought about it. “Well, large hands and feet.”
“Which you don't have.”
“True, ah, visible Adam's apple.”
“I can't see yours.”
I brought my hand to my throat. My Adam's apple has never been very obvious, but I thought that was because of the excess fat. Now most of that was gone, I expected to find it, but I couldn't. “OK, ok, facial features, male pattern hair loss, pitch of your voice, er, how you walk, move, hold yourself.”
“Lets talk about you specifically, so facial features.” She took my hand and pulled me to a mirror. “What about your features do you think suggest you are male? When you see yourself, you naturally identify yourself as male, but that is habit more than reality, so I know this is hard, but imagine you are looking at somebody else, what features?”
Looking at myself critically, I thought my eyes looked a bit small, but that is to do with beauty not male or female. I didn't have a particularly male jaw. “My nose is too big, my hair recedes too much, especially in two places that is a male pattern.”
“I think that is sort of true.” I turned to face her, thinking, now who is not being truthful.
“Come on, honey, I am being as honest as I can. I am not wrong.”
“Yes and no. First of all, all women have features that they like and some they don't. That is where make up comes in. Skilfully applied it emphasizes and downplays features. Your nose is not large, amongst my friends, Karen has a nose at least as big as yours. Society considers a smaller nose more feminine, which is why so many women have nose jobs, but we are not all born with pretty noses. Your nose might make you look less pretty, but it does not identify you as male.”
I considered what she said, trying to find fault.
“As far as the hair is concerned, your hair style could completely hide the receding hair line. Lots of women also have that issue. I don't have any friends to point to, but I have seen it in magazines and ways of minimising it.” We went back to the sofa. This time she cuddled me. “As far as I can see, your fear is looking neither male nor female. Well, lets be honest, you can no longer pull off the all male look, so I think we need to try the all woman look. Just think about it and we'll talk more tomorrow.” We stayed cuddling for a while in a comfortable silence.
The next day knowing that we were going to be talking about something I found so embarrassing, my anxiety levels were sky high. Probably because of that it took me a bit longer to settle Emma for her morning sleep, but eventually she dropped off and I ended up back on our serious conversation couch with a broadly smiling Sarah.
“OK.” she stretched her hand to rub my thigh. “Stop stressing, this is going to be fun!”
I didn't say anything but my eyes were saying 'easy for you to say'.
“Lets start with a bit of philosophy. You know I have studied lots of self-help books. Most of them agree on some principles. What you think affects the world around you. Essentially you attract to you what you think about most or most strongly.”
“Are you saying this has happened to me because I wanted it to happen?”
“No, its not about what you want, its about what you think or what you have been thinking. Of course the idea is, if you can control your thoughts, you get to decide what you attract. Or as I like to think of it, be happy, think happy thoughts and happy things will happen. What I really wanted to say was, LIVE YOUR TRUTH. If something makes you happy, don't let somebody dictate what you should or shouldn't be doing. That includes me. Now if you haven't tried something how can you tell if it will make you happy or not? I want you to trust me. I am going to take you on a journey and if at the end of it you can honestly say it is not for you, fine, I won't push or coerce you. I do want your co-operation, so, no talking, no complaining, no saying what will other people think. Can you do that?”
I was wondering if that was a trick question so I mimed zipping my lips and locking them. She took my hands and led me to our bedroom. The mirror on her vanity was covered over. On the bed was a set of clothes, female clothes, but nothing ultra feminine. “Strip and get changed. I'll help.” While I undressed she held up a pair of panties, just plain cotton panties, I guess she did not want to overwhelm me. I was already wearing my maternity bra, so I left that on. There was a white blouse, very similar to many shirts that I have previously worn, but buttons on the opposite side and shaped to accommodate my enhanced front. It was also a perfect fit despite my weight loss. When she measured me for my bra, she did a lot of other measurements obviously with this in plan. Next was a pair of jeans and a belt. The jeans had purple stitching on the pockets to give it a hint of girlishness. They fit very snug and stretchy, very different to any I had worn previously. They were quite tight at the front and if my junk hadn't shrunk I think they would be uncomfortable. It was strange, I was wearing very similar clothes to what I would normally wear but the cut was totally changed and now felt like it fit me properly. Even if I was allowed to talk, I don't think I would have objected to anything. Next I was sitting at her vanity while she worked on me. I have never had make up on before, not that I can remember anyway, so it was a very surreal experience. She did not say anything while she worked on me but there was a look of concentration. I didn't really like the feel of make up on my face but I loved the intimacy with her working on me so closely. Then she came back with a wig with very dark brown hair, very similar to my natural hair colour. She attached it very firmly and then brushed it out to her satisfaction. I thought she was finished, but she was looking with a frown on her face.
“I am sorry, babe, but I think we need to do your eyebrows, they are too bushy and uncared for. Is that OK?”
I figured, in for a penny, in for a pound, so I nodded my permission. She used a trimmer and a comb to reduce the bushyness and then plucked a bit.
“I'm not going crazy with this, if you like the look we will go to a salon and get them done properly. Do you want me to do your nails?”
I shook my head.
“Turn around, I'm going to uncover the mirror.”
I stood up and turned around. I have to admit, I was expecting to see a clown so when I turned under her guidance to see myself, I felt a shock all the way to my core. The person in the mirror was clearly female. Not the most beautiful, but there was nothing male that I could see. I had to sit down. I felt this emotion rushing up like an electrical storm, I had difficulty breathing, but it wasn't a bad emotion. I started smiling, I couldn't seem to help myself and as I did, my face lit up and there was a kind of beauty there.
“I think, honey, this is your truth.” And I couldn't disagree.
The rest of that day went by in a haze and every chance I could, I looked into the mirror and stared at myself.
.
The Legal Stuff: Arrat - The Myth of the Amazons ©2019 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
Prologue
I have been asked to write my story and I have done my best to do so. Others have added their points of view as they wanted to explain their actions when I either didn't care for the reasons or was kept in blissful ignorance.
From an Earth point of view my life has become very strange and not what most people would want or enjoy. Despite all that has happened to me, I can now say that I am content and I know that there will be a small portion of the Earth population that would like to be where I am. This book is for them.
One of the reasons I have been asked to write this book is to find those who would like to come to Arrat. If you follow my story you will know what awaits you and you need to be very certain of your decision. It is not for the faint hearted or those who are insecure in their idea of self. My own beliefs about gender and sexuality have been under extreme pressure causing me severe emotional distress. I have eventually overcome my demons and allowed myself to feel happy, but it was a struggle, far more than I can put into words.
Considering all that, if you still wish to take the irreversible step of following my footsteps you need to visit the website xxx.xxxxxxxxx.xxx or email [email protected]
(The website and email have been removed due to concerns for public safety. There are ongoing investigations into various missing person cases relating to this information.)
Chapter 1
My story really begins when I was 53 years old, but I had better give you a glimpse of my life up until that point. It might explain some of my actions and reactions.
If someone comes up to you and asks you to describe yourself, most of us will begin with our job title. Doctor, Dentist, Carpenter, Plumber. You certainly wouldn't state your gender or sexuality. My first response would be Musician. Not that I ever earned that much money from it, but I loved the guitar. I never had a good singing voice so I specialised in backing up others or playing classical music. I wrote songs but couldn't manage to sell them for someone else to perform. I did teach guitar mainly for the love of it since it certainly didn't pay well.
I met my American wife when I was travelling through the USA after I finished high school. There is another element of your identity, your nationality. I was originally English, but I have spent most of my adult life in California. I don't think I would classify myself as American though.
My wife and I spent several years visiting each other until we couldn't stand to be apart any more and I moved in with her. She had a great job as a real estate agent and since my music career never took off I ended up as the house husband. I learnt photography once Karl our only son was a bit older so that I could help her with clients. I did a fair amount of maintenance work on houses. Karl joined the military and we lost him in Afghanistan. Mary never really recovered from that and was diagnosed with late-stage breast cancer at the age of 48. She was gone within 12months.
So my description of myself would be something like this. Musician, Father, Husband, Widower, Englishman, Heterosexual man, Househusband, Odd job man, Photographer. At the age of 53, I was sad and alone. Not suicidal, but definitely thinking that my life was pretty much over.
I decided to travel and I ended up travelling a lot further than I intended. I took a flight to Cancun. I was half asleep when disaster struck. I felt a brief but intense pain going through my legs, my head hit the seat in front of me and I blacked out. The next thing I knew, I found myself sitting in a classroom feeling very small staring at a stern looking woman. She was at least six foot tall, looking very buff, short hair, wearing trousers and a shirt, neither of which hid her clearly female features. She was pointing to a large screen that had letters on it, but when she spoke it was a language I had never heard.
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Thea's explanation
It was actually a very unfortunate and unlikely accident. I have spoken to the scientists involved and they told me what happened. They were experimenting with dimensional travel and had deliberately opened a portal high in the air to make it extremely unlikely that we would hurt any of the inhabitants. Almost none of the worlds we have come across are technologically advanced enough to have air travel.
As soon as the portal was opened material from your world entered ours at extreme speed and even though we immediately shut down the device the majority of the people who passed through the portal, died instantly. There was only one survivor and he was close to death. He was not the first displaced person we had dealt with though. In other worlds we have taken residents who were dying or close to death and integrated them into our society, so, although his circumstances of arrival were unusual, his presence in our world was not. We followed our normal policy for displaced persons.
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As she went through the letters of the alphabet I realised that they were slightly different from what I was used to. There was no y or z, but there was a separate letter for ch sound and th sound. The words sounded Spanish, but I knew enough Spanish to know it didn't fit.
How long she tried to teach me her language I do not know. I couldn't feel my body, I couldn't make any sounds or any movement. There was no obvious way to measure time, all I could do was concentrate on what this lady was trying to teach me. It went from letters of the alphabet to pictures with words and finally to sentences and children's books. There were a few words that they emphasised and tried to make sure I understood.
It all ended very abruptly. The classroom and lady teacher blinked out leaving me with pure blackness, with a white dot blinking in the centre. A word appeared above the blinking dot. Press it said in their language. It took a while to work out how to mentally press the dot and, as soon as I did, the dot disappeared and reappeared up and to my left. I then had to spend time playing the press the dot game.
Once I had become proficient with that I was back to my language lessons again but now I could be tested to see how my comprehension was progressing. It was eventually explained to me that I now had a computer integrated with my brain. Even before they told me I knew that my brain power had significantly improved. My memory for sounds has always been excellent, but now it was an order of magnitude better. I was powering through learning the language, remembering the sounds and meaning so much easier than I ever had before.
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Thea's explanation
I cannot talk about our technology for obvious reasons, but I will say that installing the interface is mainly a way of allowing people to connect to the computers and technology around them. Sort of like having a screen, keyboard and mouse with a WiFi connection to the internet. Except the interface encompasses all the senses, has an ability to store information and a limited processing power that works with the brain.
Normally there is no increase in intellect, but in rare cases, the brain, processing component and the storage facility interact in unexpected ways.
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Once I passed a level of comprehension, I was given a tutorial on the interface, which was the name they called my internal computer. The first thing I accessed was a dictionary. Reading the dictionary was boring but with my increased understanding, by the time I had finished, I knew the language. Although I knew the language, it wasn't my first language and I still thought in English and then translated and likewise, translated into English to properly understand. This meant I was a little slow, but my comprehension was pretty complete.
I was hoping that now that I could speak their language I would be able to ask all the questions that were pounding through me. Where was I? What had happened to me? Why couldn't I feel my body? Unfortunately, my access to the technology around me only gave me limited access that was to education material only. No science allowed, but history, culture and entertainment.
My first inquiry was into the music industry. Good news; they had guitars and singers. It was a bit hard to translate the lyrics quickly enough and a lot of content required payment that I didn't have. The one oddity was that I only found female groups, no male in sight. Nor could I find any classical music. They had meditation type music that was purely instrumental, but nothing involving a full orchestra.
I decided to go to the free entertainment section. Again no men. Clearly, I was missing something so I decided I needed to start studying history to see if I could work out this mystery.
Chapter 2
Studying history was very different to how I thought it was going to be. The same lady who had taught me my letters sat in an armchair facing me. I would ask her a question and then she would pause, then answer. Her answer was a combination of verbal explanation and visual aids. The visual aids were spectacular. If she was talking about war, I would find myself on a battlefield simulation, if she wanted me to hear a speech I would be a member of the crowd in clear view of the orator. It was fascinating and I could stop her at any time if I needed further clarification.
She was clearly a computer simulation and if I asked her something that was outside her programming she would tell me that she would ask for clarification and then continue as if I hadn't interrupted her. Then later the answer would come through.
I would later find out that I spent 8 weeks recovering and I think I spent most of that time going over this world's history and modern-day culture. It was presented so well that I found it fascinating. If I wanted to tell everything that I learned there would be multiple books on nothing but history and the evolving culture. I needed to study the evolving culture to understand why it was the way it was and how I was going to find my place in it.
There were a few specific developments that I think were key to this world, Arrat, turning out the way it did. To start with I should mention that Arrat is one huge continent. There is a large ocean and a few minor islands, but all the major land masses are connected which is possibly why the wars tended to escalate and become world wars.
About five thousand years ago their technology was similar to what Earth is today and they were dabbling in genetic engineering without really understanding what they were doing. They were trying to create super soldiers. The world at that time was mainly male dominated and it was the men who went to war and the scientists didn't want to create babies that would grow up as super soldiers, they wanted to transform the soldiers they already had.
They eventually succeeded and found a process they could use on men that would make them significantly stronger, with faster reflexes. This was a long time ago so some of the details are missing but the general idea was that this development caused another war. Spies managed to steal the process and soon there was a big war with these super soldiers fighting other super soldiers. The nations that won or lost are meaningless now; what was interesting was the result of this genetic meddling.
All the men who had been altered by this process, survived the war and had children, produced super soldier children, but only the females carried this trait. The girls became taller, stronger and faster. This resulted in the start of The Gender War.
History is written by the victors so how much of the atrocities that they claim was committed by the men is true is debatable, but nothing that they mentioned was outside of what I had heard of happening on Earth. What they said occurred was that the men, finding themselves at a disadvantage physically, forced their dominance on the women more and more, to keep them in their place.
The women's rebellion resulted in a horrific war with brother against sister, mother against father. To cut a long and awful story short, the women eventually won and wanted to make sure they were never raped or dominated again.
For a few hundred years after that, I don't think men were treated very well at all, but if you fast forward a thousand years you find a much happier picture. Technological advances also had a big effect. Within a hundred years of the Gender War, the Interface was developed and could be used to completely control the human body. In the case of men, it meant that there would never be a successful male rebellion and sexual function including release was now completely in the hands of the women.
Another hundred years or so after the interface came the regeneration technique, that became known as Regen. Regen was a process that used the interface and some other technology that allows you to reverse ageing, I'm guessing nanotech but as a male, I am not allowed to know or study any science or technology. It rapidly encompassed cosmetic changes as well.
There are now two types of Regen. Basic Regen which is mandatory every ten years that reverses ageing with any desired soft tissue changes. This takes about a week and means there are no old people! Almost all sicknesses are resolved and damage that has been done to the body is repaired. They don't necessarily live forever but they are not allowed to die until after they reach 100. You can set a two-week timer for the interface to shut down the body, but it will not activate unless you have reached 100.
Advanced Regen, also known as Poshgen was originally only available to the really rich, but over the centuries has come down in price and the middle classes can easily afford it now. Poshgen allows you to make skeletal changes as well as soft tissue changes. That process takes 8 weeks.
There are lots of consequences to all of this. Some of which is the complete opposite to the world I was used to. Women passed over child rearing to the men long ago. Possibly as a result of that or part of what I call the short haircut syndrome, men now look like women. Let me explain, in order to get a decent job on Earth, you are encouraged to get a decent neat haircut, dress smart and polish your shoes. If you turn up like a slob or even with a preference for long hair, which I think is totally unfair, by the way, your chances of getting hired greatly diminish.
On Arrat, with the women dominant and in all the authority positions, if you wanted to be hired, men probably found that if they looked a bit feminine they had a greater chance of success. Then fast forward a few thousand years and you have a culture where men have breasts and breastfeed babies. If men cut their hair short they are ostracised and they are looked down on if they wear anything but skirts and dresses. From my look at the entertainment available, all those who look particularly feminine are actually men and the tall strong, short-haired women in trousers are the women. I think of them as Amazons and wonder if Earth has interacted with them before.
Another technological innovation which has had a major impact is the artificial womb. Women and men no longer produce children naturally. Or, at least, that is how I thought of it, they would consider a woman giving birth as horrific. This also made it easier to choose certain characteristics in their offspring, in particular, the child's sex. It was a woman's world, so who would choose to have a male child? The government intervened and offers monetary rewards if you don't choose the gender and leave it to chance. They tried offering money to have male children but it didn't work. This means nothing to those who have money so the rich and famous only have female offspring. A consequence of this is that there are far more women than men and the normal family group is between 2 and 3 women for every man. To have children you need both the government's permission and a laboratories help. Since people can live to whatever age they want, the number of children allowed is carefully managed.
The system of government is somewhere between a democracy and a meritocracy. If you want to have a say in how the government manages its finances, for example, you needed to take tests to show that you are an expert in financial matters and understand the question being posed. You also have to be female, of course.
The one exception is a constitutional monarchy. Similar to Britain, one country had a queen ruling during the Gender Wars and although the main family was killed during the war, a distant relative was crowned. That family exists to this day. They are incredibly rich, pay no tax and are generally loved by the people. They decided after Regen arrived that each queen would abdicate after 100 years of ruling, so there would always be fresh ideas available. No kings allowed.
I was seeing a pattern suggesting men are essentially second class citizens in this world and worrying about my place in it. I managed to confirm my guess that I was in Regen and was told that it was Advanced Regen as they needed to make some skeletal changes as well as soft tissue changes. I thought that meant I would have some input in how I would end up looking but no. Apparently, the matriarchal head of the household has the final say in how any male is treated. Normally, this means your mother, wife or female guardian. Usually, the male's wants are considered. In my case, the female technician in charge of the Advanced Regen made all my decisions for me.
In order to fit into society, my body was going to be scaled back to a sixteen-year-old just going into female puberty. Since I have never had breasts before they thought it would be best if they arrived slowly and naturally. However my face was far too masculine so it was being altered to more feminine norms, my pelvis is being converted to the female version and my hands and feet will be reduced in size. There are some other changes relating to my shoulders and waist, but I didn't really understand the medical terminology.
Because I come from a different culture the technician decided that the lesser genital reconstruction was appropriate. That meant my balls would be internalised and something would be done to my penis, re-routing the urethra so I will be peeing out of my arse. Erections were not permitted unless a female with the relationship 'lover' allows it. I released a mental sigh of relief when I realised that I wasn't going to be completely neutered. I was informed that men are generally happy and one of the reasons for this is an enforced orgasm that they call release which occurs everyday at 10 pm and 7 am. The interface is connected to our nervous system and can have a ridiculous amount of control over us.
It was a lot to take in. It helped to understand the reason why, but I wasn't looking forward to waking up. My job prospects also looked pretty bleak. Men had menial jobs on the whole and usually stopped working after having a baby. They were paid significantly less than women, but since any money they earned went into the female matriarch's bank account anyway, it didn't really matter. Men could own personal items like jewellery and clothes but were not allowed to purchase property and they had the gall to tell me that men and women are equal.
Chapter 3
I woke up on a bed, naked with no sheet covering me and what I saw sent me into an immediate deep depression. I wouldn't say my body looked particularly feminine. I didn't have any breasts to block my view which I had been told previously but was still a nagging concern. I didn't see any exaggerated curves and all my excess fat was gone, which was good, but it gave me a clear view of my privates.
My balls were gone. I knew they were somewhere inside me and intellectually I knew they wouldn't be visible but the reality still hit me hard. Not as hard as seeing very little evidence of my pride and joy. I had never been that big to begin with. Maybe a little under average in length, but a bit wider than usual to compensate. All that was left was a little nubbin, barely bigger than a clitoris. It was just as well there was no hair visible or I wouldn't have even seen that.
I looked like a Barbie or Ken doll. Sexless. I could feel my interface try and fight my depression, but it didn't succeed and an alert icon became visible.
A woman came in and tried to offer me this black disk. She spoke to me at the same time. I have no idea what she said as I couldn't be bothered to translate. Up until that point I had never considered suicide and the idea that suicide was beyond me until I reached 100 made my depression worse. I wanted and even prayed for the world to swallow me up. Oblivion was achieved when I fell asleep and I hoped I wouldn't wake up.
Food came and went without me touching it and then one of the Amazon women came in. It made me realise the previous one probably wasn't a woman, but a man. If I wasn't about as low as I could be, that would have affected me. Instead, it was just a disinterested observation. This Amazon doctor came in and spoke to me. I didn't even bother translating again. This one, however, had a rather nasty trick up her sleeve. I knew that the interface had the ability to stimulate me sexually. That was how they caused the prescribed two releases a day. It was also how they could control men, but I hadn't completely thought that through. Only the carrot was mentioned, now I came face to face with the stick.
A timer appeared in my interface that started counting down from five minutes. With the first tick, I felt two deep achy pains begin inside around my pelvic region. As each second went past that pain built and built until I instinctively curled into a ball. It felt like someone had kicked me in the nuts and decided to just keep doing it. I was in agony. That five minutes seemed to last for hours.
When the five minutes was over the pain didn't immediately vanish, just slowly diminish, still throbbing painfully. When the Amazon woman spoke again I really understood about mental conditioning because I feared this woman and I paid very close attention to what she said.
“Are you listening to me now?” she asked.
“Yes,” I answered, noticing my voice was significantly altered. I could tell that they had feminised it, but, probably because it was deepish to start with, my voice had a pleasant fuzz to it. In the female range, yes, but not the clear tones of everyone around me.
“You are not the first displaced male to join our world although they are extremely rare so your reaction to the Advanced Regeneration is not a complete surprise. There are three things that tend to upset the men who have to adapt to our society. All our rules are there for a good reason and we have found that our men are happier and more satisfied than in any other world we have visited.
“There have been three attempted male rebellions since the Gender War. About 3200 years ago men were allowed to own land and build their wealth. A group of the richest men decided to attempt to separate from our society and all the restrictions that we had placed upon them. They had no knowledge of our technology but were able to hire women to work for them. They paid huge sums of money to support political appointments to get women in power who were sympathetic to their cause. They succeeded and created an independent nation, removed all interface controls and paid the brightest women to help create men who were as strong and fast as the women. Men were in control of their own destiny again. They pushed the limits of our science, forcing the women to take dangerous risks which ultimately led to men of god-like power. Our political leaders were still under their financial thumb and urged us to do nothing while the population under their control suffered terribly. Rape, which we thought we had managed to eradicate came back to our world along with violence and rage.
“When our ambassador streamed her terrifying treatment at the hands of one of these creatures, we could take no more and declared war on them. Realising they had no hope of victory they created a dimensional portal and disappeared from history. One portion of our army chased them onto another world, but we didn't understand the portal technology and when the door closed we were unable to open it again.
“We do learn from our mistakes so no man has been allowed to own land or businesses since then and we altered our political system so that money could no longer influence decision makers. We have had no war from that point onwards and we know from our study of other worlds that that is rare indeed.
“The first attempted rebellion was when the interface was first introduced and the knowledge of losing control of sexual function was the driving reason. We introduced the two releases a day. We didn't realise until then that men require release on a regular basis or their satisfaction with life drops dramatically and they are more likely to behave badly. The second rebellion was over 4000 years ago and was an attempt to reprogram the interface. Since then men have not been allowed to study science. We consider men and women equal intellectually, but there is no doubt that women can maintain a better society. Any civilization that has men in charge is littered with war on an almost constant basis.
“I understand that you may feel repressed, however, if you take the time and speak to the men around you, you will find that they are happy. These rules that you find so onerous, actually relieve you of responsibility and when you come to accept them, I guarantee you will find happiness.
“Have you understood everything I have told you?” she asked finally.
“Yes,” I replied.
“You will listen to those who talk to you, wear the clothes that you have been provided and eat your meals or there will be consequences.”
The word consequences gave me a phantom pain in my balls.
“Do you understand?”
“Yes.” I didn't know what clothes she was talking about, but I was afraid to ask. Her history lesson was great and all, but it didn't have any bearing on what I perceived to be my neuter state that was the real downer that I couldn't see improving. However, she proved me wrong.
“Before you put your clothes on let me examine you.”
The examination was mostly done by waving this device over me and I imagine looking at the results on her interface.
“Now I just need to check that everything functions correctly. Lie on your back and stay still. I promise that I will not touch you in any way.”
I lay on my back obediently. I saw my interface read Doctor override followed by erection initiated. Over the next few minutes, my little nubbin grew and grew. Way past my original size. It must have been nine inches and even wider than I was before. I couldn't believe my eyes. The only weird thing was there was no foreskin covering it and there was no opening at the end. It also glistened faintly, like it was covered in a thin layer of oil.
Again she waved her device over it. “Excellent, a clean bill of health. Tomorrow morning we will check you one more time and if there are no signs of complications we will release you to a boarding house.” She then passed me the black disk. “I expect you to wear clothes from now on.”
I nodded my head meekly and took the black disk from her. My erection had vanished much quicker than it had arrived, so I was back to looking sexless. But the important thing was I now knew that appearances can be deceiving, I was anything but. 9 inches.
When the black disk was in my hand a new icon arose in my interface. I clicked on it and had this huge choice of clothes to choose from. All feminine styles. There were no trousers or shorts, but I managed to select boots with a low heel, a conservative skirt and top. The black disk slid across me, turning into the clothes I had chosen, including shoes, panties and bra.
The woman nodded and left.
Chapter 4
Although I was left to my own devices, I could never be bored. Once you have the Interface installed there are always things to do. I had been given a basic tutorial which meant I knew how to unlock doors, go to the bathroom, switch on lights and, more importantly, look up how to do other things. There was an endless amount of education that was available for free and a bewildering amount of stuff that you had to pay for.
Right then, though, I was more concerned with working out my feeling about gender. Not something that had concerned me too much before. I had found a secret stash of girl clothes that Karl, my son, had been hiding. Fortunately, he was at school at the time, so I had time to do a bit of research and get my head around it. In the end, I washed and ironed them and left them on his bed with a note just saying that I loved him unconditionally with unconditionally underlined. I visited a psychologist just to ask his advice, but he told me to just wait for Karl to approach me and he never did.
I don't think my son was transgender although I did read about it. My reaction to thinking that I had lost my manhood made me realise that I associated my male gender very much with having one. I understood from my research that gender was not dependent on any body parts. If a man has an accident and loses those parts that doesn't make him less of a man and a woman who has had a hysterectomy is no less of a woman. Gender is all in the brain. You are who you think you are. That was my conclusion anyway.
I remember hearing that pink, that is so associated with femininity now, used to be the colour that young boys would wear as a watered down version of a soldiers red tunic. Likewise, Roman legionaries wore the equivalent of a leather skirt and Scotsmen still wear kilts that have all the appearance of a skirt even if there are some subtle differences. What you wear does not define you or your gender.
The only way I was going to survive this experience with my sanity intact was to keep these ideas in mind and ignore as much of my cultural conditioning as I could. I was going to be conditioned with an entirely new culture, after all.
With all that in mind, I started delving into my interface. Clearly, others could program certain effects into my mind so I looked up what was allowed. While I was in the care of the hospital any qualified doctor could take control of my interface. Outside of the hospital, only my matriarch could cause the pain that was called Crush and only someone I had accepted as my lover could access the intimate functions of my interface. Having said that my matriarch could influence my two prescribed releases. She could cancel them altogether, reduce the pleasure or increase it.
Crush is only supposed to be used in extreme cases and the most it can be set for is an hour. It has a knock on effect that any releases after it would be painful rather than pleasurable for a few days. My matriarch was going to be the woman who ran the boarding house I would be assigned to. Matriarch is the best translation I can come up with. A normal household contains two or three women and one man, often with only one child permitted. In order for that to work, someone needs to be in charge and that person is called the matriarch. Once two women decide to be together and form the start of a family group, they have to decide on who is going to be the matriarch and at that point, their previous matriarch, usually their mothers, lose any authority over them.
When males reach majority, which is 25 on Arrat, they have the option of leaving their family to go and live in a boarding house. Men have very little control in their lives but they always have the option of leaving which is supposed to prevent abuse. Of course, if they have a child, which they do most of the looking after, the idea of leaving that child behind, makes leaving very unlikely.
Leaving a relationship or your original family to go to a boarding house was a big step, but there was no fall back position from there. You got out of the boarding house by moving in with a woman. In theory, because there was a scarcity of men, finding someone to move in with was not supposed to be difficult.
If my matriarch was able to influence my interface, I wanted to know what she was able to do and how much privacy I would have. The answer was more privacy than I expected. My matriarch could access my interface at any point, but I would know when she was doing so. She couldn't look at what I had been doing before she turned her attention to me, only what was present when she looked. It was considered rude to do so if the subject was an adult.
The interface can record any and all the senses but it only does so when you make it. Most men my age would have a library of recordings and I was supposed to have nothing. However, occasionally, the interface reacts differently to different people and in my case, I now had an auditory memory of everything that I had heard throughout my life from the age of about seven. So every song I had heard, every piece of music heard or played was available to me. None of it was organised though, so over the next few weeks, when I had spare time, I would go through my memories and separate out each song or music and arrange it in folders for easy access.
My greatest discovery was illusionary musical instruments. The interface could project non-existing objects as if they were real and have my body respond to them as if they were too. I couldn't sit on an illusionary chair, but I could create a piano or guitar and play it as if it was real. I could feel the strings, the wood and hear the notes. No one else could either see the guitar or hear the notes unless I used a particular setting on the interface. I had to play around with it to get the right sound to come out of it, but the idea that I would forever have a guitar available to me was such a joy.
I was brought dinner by a nurse and remembering the threat that had been issued, I ate as much as I could.
In the evening I had to work out the clothing situation and lack of sheets or blankets. Your clothing and bedding interacts with your interface. Pretty much everything is designed to interact with you. You remove your clothes by asking it to go to default. I needed to do that to have a shower. The shower is also controlled by the interface. In the bathroom, there is this vase looking gismo with a wide neck that takes the black disk that your clothes turn into and cleans it in about thirty seconds. I had to put it back on and choose from various night garments.
The bed has various options and produced a sheet when I asked for one. I kept an eye on the time, knowing at 10 pm I was going to get my prescribed release and because I had experienced Crush that day, it was not going to be pleasant. The doctor, as heartless as I found her, was nice enough to cancel my prescribed releases so I worried over nothing. The time came and went with no effect. It did make me search my interface to see how I could know in the future if my matriarch had fiddled with my options. Once you got the hang of it the interface was fairly self-explanatory and easy to navigate.
I slept well, had another shower in the morning, changed my clothes back to the skirt and top, and then kept myself occupied working on my music. My long hair was interesting. I had never had long hair before and was expecting it to be difficult to deal with, but I think they did something with the Regen to make it easy to manage. I brushed it out and it seemed to look good to my inexpert eye.
The doctor came round, passed her instrument over me again and pronounced me fit and healthy. Ten minutes later a nurse led me to the front door. Their technology is so far in advance to ours that I was expecting hover cars, at the very least. Instead, a car-like vehicle approached. It had three rows of two seats, no driver and no obvious engine, but it was on tyres. I had to use my interface to get the door open, but the destination was already programmed in, so when the door closed, we started moving.
It did feel weird, travelling on my own in a car without a driver or any obvious way of steering. Around me were mainly high rise towers. There were intersections but no light system and all cars seemed to go at the same time, missing each other by what seemed like inches.
My destination appeared to be another high rise. The vehicle went down a ramp and stopped outside a set of doors. I opened the car door, stepped out and closed the door. Immediately, the vehicle pulled away. With no other obvious options, I entered the door to the building in front of me.
The Legal Stuff: Campfire songs ©2017 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
Chapter 1
Some events in life really suck. While they are happening and when you look back on them, the only thing you can think about is the pain, anger, humiliation. It is a terrible thing, but it also allows you to be more grateful for the other times. To take more notice of a beautiful day, an unexpected smile, a kiss from someone you love, a cuddle. When you have experienced the bad, the good just feels more good somehow. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason, that after something bad, something good will come out of it and whatever it is, it is in my, and the universe's, best interest. So, although I didn't ask for it, I am going to embrace what has happened and make the best of it. No one would ask for what happened to me. I think I was happy as a boy with the thought of becoming a man. I never felt myself to be transgendered. Others, of course, had different opinions.
Certain things run in my family, so when I was old enough to understand my father explained it all to me. It was likely that I would have a late puberty. I would stay small and delicate until about 16, then it would all catch up. It was possible that I would have a bit of breast growth but it would all sort itself out in the wash. He showed me his abnormally large nipples, on a pretty flat chest and talked about his childhood. He told me about his father being the same and we worked out what we could do to mitigate some of the issues that this might cause. I had to keep my hair in a short army type haircut. That and a hook nose helped to keep my face from looking too feminine. I studied Aikido martial arts quite fanatically, knowing my life might depend on my ability, not that that helped too much in the end, although I can't imagine what my life would be like if I couldn't defend myself.
When I reached 13 and my growth charts showed that I was underdeveloped for my age, the doctors tested myself and my father. This is how it was explained to me. All women produce some male hormones and all men produce some female hormones. Our family, for genetic reasons, produce a much higher level of female hormones. This means the women develop early and the men late. In fact, until my male hormones were sufficiently high to overpower the female ones, my body would look slightly more female than male. This meant fat distribution and muscle mass was not in my favour. Having been told in advance and with such a good role model in my father, I accepted it all and didn't let it worry me. Sure, as I got older, I got a lot of verbal abuse, but I knew the truth and that is all that mattered to me. It also meant less guys were willing to be my friend. Knowing a bit about my father's childhood helped me there. He ended up with mainly girlfriends and reckons it made him a better person, a better husband and father. He understood more, perhaps having more female hormones helped him keep in touch with his feminine side. He was a wonderful man. I was devastated when he was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 14. I didn't even know men could get breast cancer. He fought with everything he had, but each round of chemo seemed to make him worse and worse. 4 months was all he lasted. I guess I will always be devastated. I try to be spiritual about it and believe that he is always around me when I need him. His biggest gift to me is that I know, deep down in the core of me, that he always did and always will, love me, no matter what.
I really struggle with my feelings for my mother. She is a career woman and has never really spent a lot of time with me. On holidays she would hire a nanny or au-pair and often leave early. Not that I minded that, it meant I could spend quality time with my Dad. She didn't cope very well when he got sick. She hired a nurse and carried on working. 3 months after he passed she was engaged to her boss and I was in an all male boarding school. I gained a really cool step-sister who was studying in Oxford, though, so it wasn't all bad.
The event occurred when I was almost 16. Puberty still hadn't kicked in yet, but I knew it was about to, according to our family history. I was barely 5feet tall and very slim, with no obvious muscles. I was still doing Aikido, but mainly teaching it in a brand new club that I had started at school, so I was stronger than I looked. Still, I have to admit that if you ignored my hook nose, short hair cut and groin, my shape was female. I had the expected gynaecomastia, only an A cup, but quite enlarged pink nipples that seemed to stick out at all the wrong times. Couple that with relatively narrow shoulders, slim waist and slightly wider hips. I looked more like a boyish girl than a girlish boy.
My Dad and I had made plans, with my doctor's letter, to try and keep all this from anyone else. My sport requirement was covered by my martial arts and I wore compression vests, and baggy tops and trousers to hide my body shape. All our plans were undone by my mother. Going to an all male boarding school, meant I had to wear a new school uniform that she bought to my exact size, not the larger sizes that I requested. Compression vests were not part of the laundry list. I'm sure they could have accommodated me, but it would require parental input. Either my mother did not care enough or thought I should cope without any special treatment. I was also required to participate in all school sports. The sports themselves I didn't mind, in fact, I made a pretty good scrum half, and really enjoyed it too. It was getting changed in front of everyone and the communal showers after.
The first few months were hard. Nicknames in boarding school are common and my name went from Laurence to Florence to Flower. Pretty much everyone started calling me that, even those who were not trying to be nasty. I had to defend myself physically at least once per week. My reputation of aggressiveness seemed bizarre to me, all I ever did was defend myself. It helped a bit when I started up the Aikido club and arranged to get a 3rd Dan Black belt to teach once per month and the other weeks, I taught. The physical assaults from my year stopped after that. I had no friends though.
The confrontation started after a Rugby Union game. My size and agility make for a great scrum half. Basically you take the ball and pass it before anyone clobbers you. Believe me, that is a great incentive to be quick. It is somewhat dangerous as if you do get tackled, the chances are, the person who tackled you is twice your size and it is going to hurt. This is unfortunately what happened to the 1st XV scrum half and his replacement. So I ended up playing. I thought the whole thing somewhat comical, I'm sure it looked like a child playing with adults. I was almost 16, but I could have passed for 12 and everyone around me was 17 or 18 and only the biggest of their year.
I tried my best, I really did, but I am just not big enough to really compete at that level. I tackled one guy who carried on running carrying me with him to everyone's laughter. We lost, badly, and apparently, I was to blame. The verbal abuse didn't bother me, it wasn't like I hadn't heard it before. I waited as long as I could, hoping to get the shower after everyone else had finished. I got into the shower and was facing towards the wall letting the hot water ease my knotted muscles.
I heard others coming in, but didn't think anything of it, until I was shoved hard into the wall in front of me. The pain was intense, I think my nose broke. What happened next is still unclear to me. I don't know if it was because I was half concussed or the psychological trauma was too much. Some flashes of it are quite clear. I didn't really know the guys as they were 2 years ahead of me. 2 guys were forcing me onto my knees and a 3rd guy, Nathan, had his cock out and was trying to force my head onto it. I don't know if it was panic or anger that was running through me, probably both. I couldn't breathe through my nose so shoving a penis down my throat turned out to be a really bad idea. I bit as hard as I could and tried to swallow. I would suggest against experimentation, but I can tell you from my experience that trying to bite off a penis is really hard. I damaged it, I know that, but it did not detach. He sure as hell removed it from my mouth though. They threw me back, my head hit the hard tile and that was the last thing I remember before waking up in hospital.
Chapter 2
I woke up in hospital. I was held pretty immobile so all I could do was groan. Most of the pain was coming from my face, second to that and almost as bad was my groin. It wasn't that bad though. I tried to move. I was strapped down securely. My attempts did get attention and soon I could see Matron's face coming into my field of vision.
“Laurence, don't try to move dear. Or talk. You've been rather badly hurt. The doctor will tell you all about it. Your mother was here when you first came in, but had to go.” She moved somewhere out of my vision and I could hear her requesting a Doctor.
I heard the door open a few minutes later and this elderly gentleman came into my view.
“Hi Laurence. Don't worry, we will remove the straps in a second. I just need to go through with you what we had to deal with. I really wanted your mother here for this. OK, here we go. You came in with concussion, damage and fractures to your zygomatic arch and nose, mmm, your cheek bones. There was also extensive damage to your groin. Some of it was too severe. Hmmm... I'm afraid to say, we had to remove your testicles. You can get prosthetics and we can give you testosterone, but I'm afraid you are sterile.” The Matron came over and was stroking my arm, trying to offer me support. “I know it is a lot to consider, I have suggested counselling. There is nothing wrong with your jaw, it was just easier to immobilise the whole face whilst we held you in an induced coma. You have had surgery to repair and realign your face. It has been 4 weeks and everything is mostly healed, but you will need to wear a mask to cover your nose and cheek bones and keep them still, so they can heal fully. Once you are feeling a bit better, probably tomorrow morning, you will be discharged and stay awhile in the school sanatorium. I will be back later, a nurse will be in soon to sort out the bandages and mask.” With a sad smile, he left.
“I'm so sorry. Everything will be alright.” Matron carried on stroking me and whispering. I actually found it quite soothing. I could tell she cared. Intellectually I knew I should be upset, balling my eyes out really. I mean I had been castrated. Worse, puberty had never hit, I had naturally high female hormones and now no countering male ones. I already looked more female than male, who knew what my face was going to look like when my mask came off. And only a stranger, who I had only met a few times seemed to care about me. My fathers parents had migrated to Spain and my mother was an orphan, her foster parents were elderly and died before I was born. Whether it was the drugs in my system or shock, there were no tears. There was a deep sadness. I wanted to be a Dad one day. A father like my father was.
The nurse came in and unpackaged me. Even when I could say something, I didn't really have anything to say. The day passed quickly. I went to the toilet to relieve myself. It was really strange to have a slightly tender empty sac. I felt really weak too. Not moving for a month must have really weakened me.
The headmaster visited me after I had been relocated to the school sanatorium. He explained that the boys all claimed that I had offered to give a blow job and then bit instead. He did not believe them, but there was no way to prove otherwise. I could try and press charges as I was a minor and even if what they said was true they would have been breaking the law. He really didn't want me to do that as it would be unlikely to be successful and the school name would be dragged through the mud. My reputation would be ruined and they could counter sue for damages. I can't say I was too disappointed. I was more concerned with what Nathan and his goons were going to do. I felt emotionally numb. I could intellectually work out that I should be feeling angry, sad, hurt, humiliated and probably lots of other emotions, but it was like I was distanced from it. Not really connected to me.
After a week in the sanatorium getting my strength back I returned to school. I would have to wear the mask for another couple of weeks, just to be on the safe side. Life seemed to pass in a grey haze. Nothing really mattered any more. I was just going through the motions. My clothes did not really fit me any more. I would like to say it was because I had grown taller, but, alas, after 5 weeks with no testosterone and naturally high female hormones, my hips were wider, my bum bigger, my waist narrower and my breasts larger. I arranged for a pass on the weekend to go into town and take my debit card with me. I caught Nathan glaring at me a few times but until Friday I managed to avoid him. His buddies seemed to have deserted him. The rumour mill suggested he was being called a eunuch. He was getting a lot of verbal abuse and he blamed me for all of it.
He followed me into the toilet on Friday, after lunch. He is a lot bigger than me, but I was well trained and although I was wary, I was not worried. That could have been over confidence or my emotional deadening. He did not want to fight though. Apparently, he is well off and well connected. His actual question was “do you know how much your life is worth because I do.” I think he was telling me, without telling me, that he had taken a hit out on me. I was still in a bit of a depressed state so it bothered me less than it should have done.
I did lay awake thinking about it that night. Adrenaline leaked into my system and got through my armour to start to register fear, dread. I had no idea whether he was telling the truth or not. If he wasn't telling the truth, I had nothing to worry about. If he was, what the hell was I going to do? The police would not take me seriously.
My family did not seem to care. I really missed my father. I tried to think about it logically. If it was a movie and someone had hired a hitman what were the options? Protection? I didn't think that was going to work. You would have to convince an authority figure and there was no evidence. If you had enough money you could hire protection. My mother had enough, but I had no access to it. OK so protection was out. I could go after the hitman. How the hell would I do that? I had no skills or knowledge that would help me do that. The only other option was to run away. I would have to be in disguise and stay that way until I knew they were no longer after me. I might never know, so the disguise might have to be forever.
That was a pretty dramatic response with some pretty serious consequences. I was seeing a doctor on Monday to discuss hormone therapy and possibly testicular prosthetics. If I was on the run I would be out of the healthcare system I would become more and more feminised. Without a legal ID I would only be able to get cash in hand jobs. The only job I was trained for was some security work, but with my size and shape, it would have to be as a girl. Who knew if there were any jobs like that? I suppose dressing as a girl would be the ultimate disguise. In my case, all it would take to look like a girl is undo my male disguise, literally take off my mask, and put on a wig. There was always the risk of rape or prostitution, I would have to rely on my martial arts skills to keep me safe. Well it was a very drastic step. I was a bit scared, but not scared enough to take such a drastic action.
The next day I walked the mile into town. I tried to be hyper aware of everyone around me. It was stressing me the hell out and my only conclusion is that if anyone wanted to kill me, it would be far too easy. Again, I tried to use logic. If I was killed with a sniper rifle or even a gun, it would stink of a hit, which might put pressure in the wrong places. If I was to guess, I would think, hit and run car accident, but not at this time of day. Maybe a mugging gone wrong. A couple of knife thrusts. Take the wallet. Easy. Except, I don't think I am that easy a target. I have been studying martial arts for almost 8 years now and I have always taken it very seriously.
I think I needed to know, was someone after me? Rather than just getting my shopping and going back, I went to the ATM and pulled out my maximum £400. I wanted to present a tempting target. I then started wandering through town, trying to make it seem that I was window shopping, but actually using the reflections to see if anyone was watching me. Within a few shops I did notice someone. I am no expert, however there don't tend to be many men over 6 feet tall window shopping on a Saturday morning wearing sunglasses. It was a cloudy day, but still quite bright.. I needed proof, so I had to give him an opportunity. There are cameras everywhere so I wasn't too worried where I was. I headed to the public loo, I figured either the alley leading to it or inside would give him an opportunity.
I went inside and waited. No one came in. When I stepped out, I spotted him in the shadows on the left about half way down the alley. If I hadn't been looking, I probably wouldn't have noticed. I pretended that I hadn't seen him and walked towards him. When I was a couple of metres away he stepped out of the shadow to close with me. I immediately reacted to keep the 2 metre distance. He tried to leap forward and slash at me. This guy had no training at all. I allowed it to pass me then stepped forwards, caught his wrist and then elbow, locking them and forcing him to throw himself into the wall. For the first time ever, I didn't hold back at all.
Before he could recover, I was past him and away as quickly as possible. I went into a nearby charity shop. I quickly gathered up a hat, and a couple of dresses that looked like they could fit me and went into the changing room. I took the mask off put the hat on and stripped to my underwear. The dress was way too large and, of course, I wasn't wearing a bra, but I felt my disguise was sufficient to have a proper look for stuff. There was an old lady who was very helpful. What she thought initially, I have no idea, but by the time I left I was wearing a girlish hat, with a scarf, sunglasses, a yellow dress with a pink jumper, a pair of flats, a new handbag and purse that I transferred my cash into. I even had a plain necklace.
I know I wasn't the most stylish, but, importantly, the clothes were tight enough to show my feminine curves and hide my hair. I was really quite surprised by my face. My hook nose was gone, it seemed a bit smaller with a bit of upturn. Really quite cute. Maybe because of that or perhaps the work on the cheeks, my face looked different. It sort of, wasn't my face any more, not Laurence's anyway. I went to the train station and bought a ticket to London. I didn't see my attacker once. I did see a different person who seemed to be searching peoples faces, I ignored him, as did everyone else and he ignored me.
Chapter 3
When the train finally left it was such a relief. The train was not an express, so stopped frequently, but I didn't mind, it gave me a chance to think. I was 99% certain that there was a contract out on me. The guy who attacked me didn't ask for any money, just waited until I was close enough, and went for it with a knife. I went through my reasoning from last night, were there any other options for me? Escape and disguise still seemed the only viable option. Could I do this by myself? I didn't know. Was there anybody who I could turn to for help? The only friends I had were the girlfriends I had at my previous school. That was 2 years ago though. Could I risk them getting involved? I don't think any of their parents were that impressed with me. No, I don't think that would work. I didn't have any relatives who I could turn to, well, not in the UK anyway. I think I would need ID to get to Spain. Maybe that should be my longer term goal. Get to Spain and stay with my Grandparents. They really had no involvement in my life, they didn't even send Birthday or Christmas cards and although that probably meant they would not be thrilled to see me, there was also less chance that I would be traced there.
Let's break this down. I have a long term goal which I have no clue how to achieve. Short term goal. What do I need to do next. I need to complete my disguise and add to my wardrobe, but really cheaply. I need pants and bras, my ears pierced and some studs in. More durable clothes, jeans and T-shirts, trainers, socks or tights, some kind of bag to carry it in and I have to do something about my hair. I hope it is long enough for a pixie cut. If not, a wig. Hopefully, I can do most of it in charity shops. I don't know London though. I guess I can just ask where the nearest Oxfam shop is. Oh, that reminds me, I have a step-sister in Oxford. Could she help me? I only met her for a few minutes, but she seemed nice. I know that she is at St Catherine's College, so I should be able to find her. I don't think I can do this alone. I really hope she can help me. Are there any better possibilities? I couldn't think of any.
I arrive at Victoria Street Station, I throw away my school clothes and the mask. I will have to be careful with my face, I was supposed to wear that for another couple of weeks. I find a Marks and Spencer's and get measured for my first bra. My emotional numbness has officially worn off. Trying to act nonchalant whilst being terrified. I wasn't that convincing, but I guess I look younger than I am and some girls my age probably act nervous too. I am a B cup. I don't think you can go back from that. Not without surgery. I could bemoan the loss of my masculinity. I have to face reality. I am in a girls body apart from a small bit at the front. I am producing significant levels of female hormones. I can die as a man or live as a woman. I have never felt women were lesser in any way. My best friends were girls and, apart from my father, the vast majority of men or boys I have met, have been arseholes. I have never felt attracted to them either, despite all the names I have been called. I guess that would make me a lesbian. I get changed in my new underwear in the station Ladies, my boy pants I leave in the nappy bin. Then I wait for the Oxford tube.
The coach journey is uneventful. More time for thought. I don't really come to any different conclusions. I have done what I think is right. I hope I can live with my decisions. I arrive in Oxford around lunch time. I head for the tourist information centre. A very nice lady gives me a map and marks the location for all the things I am interested in and even goes online to find out what bus to get, from where, to get to St Catherine's.
I pass a supermarket, so I nip in and grab a few buns with cheese and bacon baked in and a big bottle of water. My perusal of the charity shops turns up a rucksack, pair of trainers, a couple of girly T-shirts, girl jeans, that actually fit me way better than the men's version ever did, a winter coat that buttoned down to my knees and wonder of wonders a wig. It is dark brown, which is very different from my natural golden blonde. I don't think it is real hair, but it is very realistic and makes a huge difference to my look. The lady running the till helps me secure it with some pins, tut tuting about my own hair. I love my new look. I can't see any boy there at all. How weird, I am enjoying looking girly. I change into my new stuff in their changing rooms and pack the rest in my rucksack. Pretty pleased with myself I head off to St Catherine's.
I arrive at St Catherine's still trying to work out the best approach. Do I question strangers and ask if they know her or do I wait outside and hope she will go out in the evening and I can meet her. I look unthreatening, so I look for girls of a similar age to Stephanie, my step-sister, who look like they are approachable. I had worked out my story before hand. I am pretending to be a girlfriend to Laurence and really need to contact him. I didn't want to bring Laurence into it at all, but I couldn't think of anything better. I would try not to mention him at all unless pressed. The third person I asked, was vaguely aware of her, but knew someone who might know her. Very kindly, she phoned her friend, who phoned someone else, who phoned Stephanie. A message was passed and I waited with baited breath for my step-sister to appear. No one questioned me closely, so Laurence's name was never mentioned.
10 minutes later and there she was. She didn't recognise me at all. I had to wave at her to get her attention. She came over.
“How can I help you?” Even close up, she had no idea at all. Then again, I only spoke to her briefly.
“Thank you so much for coming down to see me. I really need to speak to you about Laurence.”
“My step-brother?”
“Yes, have you heard about him being assaulted?”
“Assaulted, no. I heard he had an accident, but was going to be fine.”
“Seriously, that is what you were told.”
“Yes, Miss....?”
“Amber, call me Amber.”
“OK Amber, what has this got to do with you or me?”
“It is a long story. Is it possible we can go somewhere and I can tell you all about it.”
She looked me over, I think assessing my threat level. She was quite a bit taller and bigger than me.
“Lets go up to my room.” I followed her up with my rucksack and handbag.
When we got there, she sat on the bed and gestured for me to sit on the desk chair.
“Thanks Stephanie, I do appreciate it.”
“I haven't done anything yet, and just call me Steph, everybody else does.”
“I mean taking the time to listen to a stranger when you don't even know Laurence very well.”
“How do you know that?”
I sighed. “That will all become clear.” I considered revealing who I was now, but decided to let the story reveal itself. “How much do you know about his medical condition?”
“I didn't know he had a medical condition.”
“Well, maybe medical condition is putting it a bit strongly. Genetically he is predisposed to producing too much estrogen. This means that until he hits puberty his body edges closer to female norms than male ones. It also means that puberty is delayed until he is producing enough testosterone to overcome those effects.”
“That explains why he looked so,... shall we call it underdeveloped.”
“Underdeveloped. That is the most polite word my condition has ever been called.”
“Your condition? You don't look like Laurence.” She was frowning at me.
In a way, it was great, even having been told, she didn't believe me. I searched my hair for the pins holding it in place and removed my wig. I did a sort of finger wave. “Hi, sis.”
Chapter 4
“NO Way. Your face, your nose. I don't like saying this, but Laurence had a really ugly nose, it sort of dominated his face. You do have the same eyes though.” She leaned forwards and sort of squinted, really examining me closely. My green eyes are relatively unique, but I was beginning to get a bit worried. I didn't know her that well. I couldn't tell her stories from a shared past or talk about a weirdly shaped birthmark that she would have no knowledge of. Maybe my disguise was a bit too good. At least I could explain what happened to my nose.
“That is where the assault comes in. Because of my looks, I have always been teased. 6 weeks ago it went way past teasing. A group of boys smashed my face into a wall and tried to force me to give them a blow job.”
“Shit Laurence. What happened?” She reached forwards. All she could reach from where she was, was my knees, so she stroked them.
“I bit down.”
“You bit down. Well, he fucking deserved it.”
“I don't remember too much after that. I woke up in hospital after being in a coma for a month. I'm not sure if they hit my face any more, it was already damaged when I lost consciousness. I had to have plastic surgery to try and put the pieces back together. They did go to town on my groin. When I woke up I was told they had to remove my testicles.”
“Oh you poor darling.” She got up and tried to awkwardly hug me in my seat. Tears that I couldn't shed before, rose up from deep inside and I had a bit of a break down, sobbing into her chest. We ended up with her sitting on her bed with me wrapped around her like a koala. She was rocking me and stroking my hair. When I had calmed down enough that I could take a breath without it catching. I tried to disentangle myself. She resisted enough to let me know that I didn't have to. So I stayed there.
“Is that why you ran away?”
“No. I wish. The boy I bit, or more accurately, his family, is wealthy and well connected. He hinted to me that he had put a contract on me.”
“Wow. I didn't see that coming. He could have been just saying that to freak you out.”
“I know. I had a good long think about it that night. I reasoned that if it was true my only possible response would be to disguise myself and run away. I had to go into town today anyway. After 6 weeks with no testosterone and high female hormones, my body which was already developing along female lines has gone into high gear. None of my clothes fit me any more. In town, when I came out of the toilet, a guy tried to kill me.”
“Are you alright? Are you hurt?” She started using her hands to feel my body, trying to check it in some way.
“I'm fine. I know some martial arts and running away works too. The thing is, he didn't ask for money, or threaten me or anything. He just attacked me with a knife. My immediate conclusion was the threat was real.”
“Why didn't you go to the police?”
“How could I prove it? Would they offer protection? I would be living my life in fear.”
“What about your mother?”
“I haven't seen her since she dropped me off.”
“What about with the assault? Surely, she was there then.”
“I don't really know. I was unconscious. When I did wake up, she was too busy. I think the nurse did say she came in when I first arrived. My relationship with my mother is.... maybe not the best.”
“So you really think disguising yourself as a girl and hiding is the answer.”
“I couldn't think of a better one. I don't really think being a girl is a disguise, it is more removing a disguise, my boy disguise. I have always been waiting for my body to shift and become more masculine. I have to face facts. Apart from a small imperfection at the front, I am a girl.”
“Being a girl is more than just how you look.”
“I know that. I have read about the differences between male and female brains, and transgendered individuals and their stories. I know I have a strong feminine side. I have taken tests online. They indicate I am more female than male, but I have never felt the urge to wear female clothing. I discussed all this with my Dad. He said he was the same at my age, but after puberty he shifted to be more male than female. I was expecting the same to happen to me.”
“Can't the doctors do something?”
“Yes, they can. I can go on permanent hormone replacement therapy. This may or may not help with my height. I would get more muscles and hair and a deeper voice. I may end up with anger or aggression issues and I would have to have surgery to remove my breasts. On the other hand, if I leave nature to take its course, I will be the right height, shape and build for an average woman. I can't have any children of my own whichever direction I travel.” The unfairness of that brought more tears. She held me a bit tighter and rocked me again.
“Such a lot to deal with, I don't know if I could have coped.”
“I haven't had a lot of choice. I know I should be dealing with this on my own, but I just struggled to know what to do.”
“Whoa. Like hell you should be dealing with this on your own. Yes. I will help you. Honestly, I don't know exactly what the right thing to do is. You are not alone any more.”
I hugged her in thanks. “I'm not sure you should. I mean it could be dangerous. If I was a hit man I would check you out to see if I came to you.”
“Your disguise is amazing. Even after you told me, I almost didn't believe you. We could do a few things to improve it though.” she said whilst stroking my ears with their lack of earring. “You are welcome to stay here, but there isn't a lot of room. I think I know what we need to do. You came to me because you recognised this was too big to handle on your own. There is nothing wrong with that. That just shows maturity. Well, I think this is too big for me too, but I know someone we can take it to.”
“Someone you trust?”
“Someone I trust with my life and, to put it bluntly, with yours. She would never betray me.”
“How well do you know her?”
“Very well. I am talking about my mother.”
“Oh.”
“You barely know me, I don't expect you to know about what happened with my parents. My mother is a bit of an oddball. I think of her as a modern hippy. She has become more and more spiritual and that really pissed off my father. The only thing is, you need to be sure of what you want. If she is on your side and believes something will make you happy, she will move heaven and earth to make it happen. She has a tendency to go over the top.
“When I was 8 I thought I wanted to play the piano. My friend could play a bit and I thought it was really cool. She pretty much remodelled the house to create a suitable room, purchased a really expensive piano and found an expert teacher for me.”
“Wow.”
“After 2 months of lessons I really wasn't enjoying it, but did not want to give up after all the trouble she went to. She noticed though and just asked me if I was having fun and when I admitted my lack, she praised me for giving it a good go. She said, if I hadn't tried, I would have never known. It did teach me to be very careful with what I asked her for.”
“She wasn't angry or anything?”
“She has a very different view of money. I was feeling guilty about it so I asked her and she said to not think of money being spent, more circulated. The piano maker was paid appropriately for making a great piano, the teacher was employed to do something that they loved, the renovations to the house made the house a better house and worth more to the right buyer.”
“She sounds awesome.”
“I am biased, but I kind of think she is. She also sees signs for everything she does. I will make a prediction with you. This is part of what I meant by her spirituality. If we go to her and tell her our tale and that you are happy being a girl. She will claim this all happened so that you could become the girl you were meant to be and more than that, we are at her door so that she can help to make it happen better. As I said, you need to be certain because once we get my mum involved, she will likely take control and make it happen fast. All for the right reasons, as in, all she will want is to make you happy and to live your truth. So.....are you sure.”
“I know it has been less than a day, but really, I have been thinking about this all my life. I have nothing in my old life that I want to keep. I have no friends and the only relation who has shown me any love, I have only known for a few hours. Yes. I am sure.”
She gave me another squeeze. “OK. Let's do this.” I crawled out of her lap. I tried to put my wig back on and she helped me. She changed her outfit to a more outdoors type. Jeans, T-shirt, jumper, coat and hiking boots.
“Where does she live?”
“She is living in a houseboat on the canal. It can get a bit muddy. I think you should be alright with your trainers. We will both go, but when we get there, I will want to explain everything, try and get her on your side. I know my mum and I think I know how to approach her the right way.”
“I could go for a walk along the canal if you like.”
“That would probably be best, if you are sure that is OK. Can I talk about your medical condition?”
“No problem.”
She phoned her mum first to check she was in and then for a taxi. We headed down to it carrying all my stuff.
Chapter 5
We walked down to the canal and then along the path, passing quite a few houseboats until we got to the right one. Steph took my handbag and rucksack from me, handed me her watch and asked me to give her half an hour. It was late afternoon by this point and the light was beginning to fade. I was knackered. It had been a long day and it was catching up with me. Crying had been strangely therapeutic. At least I didn't have any make up to run. 100 metres or so from Steph's mom's houseboat I found a tree behind the path that was big enough, with enough hand holds for me to climb and sit relatively comfortably. By the time the half hour was up, I was feeling quite chilled, waiting outside the houseboat.
Steph stepped out of the main entrance and motioned me in. “Quick, we don't want to let the heat out.”
I hurried in. I had never been on a houseboat before. If someone had asked me to picture one, I would never have imagined these long thin contraptions that definitely did not look big enough to make a comfortable home. When I stepped inside, going down a few steps, and had to lead the way, I was surprised by how much room there was. Like a Tardis, there was a lot more room than you would expect, looking from the outside. We passed a toilet, kitchen, bathroom, which actually had an big tub in it, and came to the lounge which had two double sofa's facing each other. Standing in front of one was this beautiful lady. She was pretty enough for a mature woman, but what made her beautiful was the warmth in her eyes and the smile and open arms, waiting to greet me with a hug. Maybe because I had had a hell of a day, or perhaps it was because I had had so little previous warmth from my mother. Whatever the reason I fell into a loving embrace as if I was a long lost daughter. She held me tightly and rubbed my back soothingly.
Stephanie was standing at the entrance to the lounge. “Mother, this is.... er.. Laurence.”
“Hello Laurence. My name is Tracy, but you can call me Mum if you want. You are, after all, the sister of my daughter.”
“I would like that.” I had never called my mother anything but mother. Most of today I felt I was a lot older than my 16 years. In her arms, I felt younger, like a little girl, able to leave the cares of the world in someone else's hands.
“Sis, I need to get back. I will see you tomorrow, if you need me before, just let me know, I will be there for you.” Steph waved and left me with her mother.
Tracy motioned me onto the sofa and made us both a hot chocolate, she even put mini marshmellows to float on the surface. “Right, I think we need to have a bit of a chat. First of all, I can't keep calling you Laurence. My daughter mentioned Amber, but that you hadn't really chosen it.”
“No, I haven't really worked out my new name yet. For most of the last 2 years I have been called Florence or Flower more often than Laurence and it wasn't a compliment.”
“Well, I don't think Amber quite suits, I always thought girls called Amber should have brown eyes.”
I shrugged, I didn't care if she was a bit odd as long as she stayed kind.
“Any ideas?”
“If you had another daughter, what would you have called her?”
She looked me over carefully. I think to see if I was brown nosing so to speak. Satisfied that I was being honest, she started to smile. “How about Gretchen?”
“Err... No thank you.” I was fairly sure that she was just teasing, but I didn't really know her that well. She may have felt that I was jumping into the relationship that she was offering rather fast. In fact, I had decided to just relax and be myself and hope that we got on. I wasn't going to hold back or refuse to accept affection if it was given. I was going to try to be true to myself. She had this aura about her that made me feel that she would accept anything except dishonesty.
“I always wanted more children. I really struggled with boy names so I was very glad that Stephanie was a girl. We had two names in the running, Stephanie and Sophie. How about Sophie?”
“Sophie. Yes, I like it. What does it mean?”
“It comes from Greek, meaning wisdom.”
“I could certainly do with more of that.”
“I think you have done really well, from what my daughter has been saying. Why don't we try it out and you can see if you like it. We can always try something else if it doesn't seem to fit. Now, Sophie, could you tell me more about this medical condition. Steph was saying that you want to be a girl. At the moment, looking at you, I can't imagine you as anything else.”
I took a deep breath. “It is difficult to explain. I have been thinking about it a lot, over a lot of years, but only recently have events, really forced me to self examine my psyche. I think of it as three different aspects. The easiest for me is sexuality. It gets confusing when you start using terms like gay or straight, because that depends on whether you are male or female. I reserve the right to change my mind, but at the moment, I am only attracted to women. The next aspect is whether my mind is male or female. Do I have female thoughts and emotions or male ones. That is a bit harder. I think most people are not 100% one thing or another. From the tests I have taken, I am more female than male, from a personal perspective, I get on with women a lot better than I do with boys or men.” I stopped to take a bit of a drink of the delicious hot chocolate.
“And the 3rd aspect?”
“The 3rd aspect is the physical one. Genetically I am male, but my body has developed as a female. I have estrogen naturally flowing through me and almost no testosterone. Admittedly, my groin is maleish and I have no female bits inside.”
“What do you mean by maleish?”
“I have no balls and a very underdeveloped penis.”
“I don't mean to be crude, but I want to understand. I know you can't have children, but does it still, you know, function?”
“Not since I woke up from the induced coma.”
“You've tried to ….”
“Yes, I tried, and got nowhere.”
“So physically, would you say you were more female than male.”
“That is a difficult question to answer, but this is how I see it. If I was walking down the street and someone was looking at me. I had unisex clothing on and a hat, so nothing to give any clues. Pretty much everyone's going to say that I am female. My height, my shape, my voice, so everything they could see or hear says female. Taking it one step further. To exist in society as a female, I don't need any surgery or hormones, all I have to do is tuck myself away. To exist as a male I would need HRT for the rest of my life and surgery to remove my breasts. Even then, I probably wouldn't meet most male normals. So yes, physically I consider myself much more female than male.”
“OK, so does this mean you want SRS?”
“Yes. I have read about it and so I know it is really painful, but that is the one part of me that does not match, so yes, if I could, I would. I don't hate my penis like I have heard many male to female transexuals do. Nor do I think it defines me. Having it just doesn't fit. I would always worry about discovery, and if am lucky enough to have a lesbian girlfriend, having that would just be embarrassing.”
“There is one other concern I have. The path you are on is a complete separation from your old life. It would be like Laurence died. Your mother would be devastated if she doesn't hear from you, as well as any friends you have.”
“I don't have any friends. A couple of years ago, I had a few girlfriends, but when my Dad died, my mother, despite his wishes and mine, moved me to an all boys boarding school. I have had no contact with any of them since. I hope my mother loves me. I can't say I have ever seen any evidence of it, but I haven't seen any to the contrary either. Apart from not listening to me. I think that is just her natural selfishness.”
“I can't help but put myself in her shoes. If Steph disappeared from my life, I would be inconsolable.”
“You have shown me more love and caring in the time I have known you than my mother has in my whole life.”
“You are not telling me that she never cuddled you?”
“You might find it easier if you imagined her as a man. She went to work, came back and expected dinner on the table. If I wanted care or comfort, I went to my father. She did cuddle me, but only when she thought she was supposed to and I never felt like there was any emotion in it.”
“Actually, that does help. If Steph disappeared from my ex-husband's life, I think he would be upset, but not like I would be.”
“There is one other thing to consider. I did not really chose this. If my identity is found out, I will either be killed or have the fear of being killed hanging over me.”
“I believe in a benevolent universe. Call it fate, destiny, whatever you like. You always have choices. You chose to bite. I expect you were offered male hormone supplements previously, but refused them, waiting for the universe to decide for you. You could have disguised yourself differently. You chose your clothes, your wig. You could go through life thinking that you have no choice, that you have to do something a certain way. That is a very negative way to look at life and I don't think it is the truth. You chose to go to your sister and agreed to come to me. There are so many things that you could have done differently that would not have led you to me. I have the means to grant some of your wishes. Come sit next to me.”
I moved to sit next to her on the sofa, both of us turning facing each other. She held both my hands and looked me in the eye. “If we do this, there is no going back. Laurence will be dead and Sophie will be born. Are you sure you want this?”
I didn't answer too quickly. She wanted a serious answer. I tried to listen to the little voice inside, see if there was any resistance within me, but there wasn't. “Yes.” I said quietly but firmly.
“You will not be able to contact your mother or any relations or friends again, ever.”
“I know.”
“If you had any thoughts of revenge or getting back at those who hurt you, you will have to give them up.”
“My father was very big on forgiveness. He used to say that you have to do it for yourself not for them. If you stay angry you only hang on to unhappiness. If you forgive, you find peace. I am trying to let it go. It's not as easy to do in real life as it sounded when he talked about it, but I know it is the right thing to do. I will leave Karma to sort out the rest.”
“You are sure, sure?”
Keeping eye contact I replied. “Yes.”
She nodded her head firmly once. “I will put things in motion. Now onto other matters. Lets say you are now Sophie, my adopted daughter. What do you want to do with your life? Finish your education? Play guitar?”
“In the last 2 years, I have just been trying to get through the day. It was all about what strategy I could use to keep myself safe.”
“What about before that, when you were with your father?”
“I suppose, I wanted to be just like him. Have a child or preferably children and show them the love that he showed me.” I had cried so much today. My eyes started welling up again and I didn't think I had any more in me, but when she gathered me in her arms, I couldn't hold them back and the floodgates opened.
She just hugged me and let me get it out.
Chapter 6
I must have fallen asleep in her arms. I found myself waking up in a large bed with a low ceiling. The low ceiling made itself known when I tried to sit up. When I checked myself I realised that she had removed all my clothes apart from my undies. My wig was lying on a vanity table. I found my rucksack near the door, with most of my clothes but not my jeans. I put the dress on to try and preserve my dignity and took the rest of my clothes with me to the bathroom. There was no sign of Tracy. I really wanted to have a bath, but I was worried about whether there would be enough hot water. Ever since my assault I found taking a shower a nervous experience. Mostly I had been taking sponge baths, but they never really left me feeling clean. I put my jumper on, fitted my wig as best I could and slipped my trainers on. I went outside to see if I could spot Tracy. She was next to the path going through some Tai Chi form. With my martial arts training I had learned one Tai Chi short form, but it was different to what she was doing. I didn't want to interrupt her, so I sat on one of her outside chairs and watched her. When she had finished she turned to me.
“Good morning, beautiful. Sleep well?”
“Fantastic. I don't even remember falling asleep.”
She chuckled. “It was so cute, falling asleep in my arms. Just as well you don't weigh that much.”
“Thank you for looking after me. I was wondering, could I have a bath. And do you know where my jeans got to.”
“Yes, you are welcome to use the bath, there is plenty of water. Your jeans are in the wash. Do you want breakfast before or maybe a cup of tea?”
“That would be lovely. I can help, just show me where everything is.”
We spent a very pleasant half hour, chatting, having tea, and making and eating breakfast. We agreed that tomorrow I would try and follow her Tai Chi form and then she would follow mine. While I was having my bath, she would be going out to get a few things and would probably be back around lunchtime. I was welcome to help myself to anything in the cupboards.
I ran a bath and luxuriated in the hot water. Feeling totally alone was also a great feeling. For so much of my life I have been aware of people around me, judging me. Almost like it was a constant pressure, a persistent stress. Sometimes, when you are in enough pain, its absence almost feels like pleasure. It also gave me time to think.
My eyes were quite sore, so I wet a flannel with cold water and lay back with it pressed over my eyes. I didn't think I had ever cried that much. My Dad never told me boys don't cry or that I had to toughen up, but, from a young age there is a peer pressure that way. If you hurt yourself, and started crying, you would immediately be labelled a cry baby. Thinking back, I know I repressed myself. I had enough problems and crying would have only added to them.
I needed a release though, so in the past I used to sing. I would chose a song that reflected close to my feelings and learn the words. I used to sing with Dad and just let the emotion out. I dared not do it at any other time. My voice has never broken and when I sang, it definitely sounded like it was a girl singing. Right at that moment though, I realised, I was a girl. I was allowed to cry as much as I needed to, and sing to my hearts content. It was now a good thing that my voice had that feminine quality. It was a very freeing moment so I sang Beautiful by Christina Aguilera. I stayed in the bath until my fingers looked like prunes and it was too cold to stay any longer.
I got dressed in my limited choices, at least my underwear were clean. I was getting a bit bored. I decided to go outside and practice my kata and Tai Chi short form. I also did some on the spot aerobic exercise and strength training using my body weight. Then I made myself a hot choc and sat on one of the chairs near the front. There were a few dog walkers who passed with a friendly wave and a smile.
Tracy came back with lots of bags of shopping, so when I saw her, I rushed up to help. The bags were not that heavy though, mainly filled with clothes.
“I have a bit of a confession to make. Your jeans weren't in the wash, I don't have a washing machine on Lucy (Lucy was the name of her houseboat). I just needed to borrow a few things to get your sizes.”
I felt a bit bad about her spending money on me. With my real situation, I had no way to earn money. Any money I had saved from my allowance was in Laurence's bank and I had deliberately discarded all access with all of Laurence's things. With that it really hit me, just how much I was asking. I was completely dependant on Tracey's good will. I had, in effect, by asking for her help, asked her to become a surrogate parent. And she had agreed. With a smile and a hug. Wow.
Throughout my life I had been bombarded by how awful humanity was. What man was willing to do to his fellow man referred to terrorism, racism, abuse of all kinds, hate and more hateful action. My father was a good man and he loved me. He was my father, that was, sort of, his job. Tracy was no blood relation. She was showing me the other side of humanity. The love and giving that we were all capable of and only so few displayed.
By now we had placed all the bags on the bed. I turned to Tracy with tears in my eyes and hugged her. “Thanks Mum.”
And she hugged me back. She hugged me back.
Chapter 7
We had to rush out without trying on the clothes. She had reserved a table in the local pub, The White Hart. She helped me with my wig, taking it off and reattaching it and securing it down. She applied a little bit of make up and promised me it was waterproof. Then we grabbed our coats and purses and we were off. I took what little money I had left. I knew it wasn't going to last and I had no real way of replacing it, but just this once I wanted to buy her lunch, show her my appreciation.
She was obviously a regular customer as she walked in confidently and went straight up to a small table and hung her coat on the back of the chair. I did the same to the chair opposite and followed her up to the cash register.
“Is a carvery OK?”
“That would be great. Can I ask a favour?”
“Sure dear, what would you like?”
“Do you mind if I pay? I mean, I know you are doing a lot for me and I don't have any way to repay you and even the cost of the clothes...”
“Stop.” She took my hands. She looked into my eyes. “Everything I do, I do because I want to.” She had a serious face on. She didn't look unhappy with me, thank goodness. “OK. You can pay. Before we eat, we are going to sit down and have the money talk. I fancy a glass of wine though, so I will pay for the drinks. What would you like?”
“Water would be fine.” She raised her eyebrows. “A hot chocolate would be nice.”
“That's better.”
We ordered, collected our drinks, or hers at least, mine would be brought out when ready, and returned to the table. The carvery was a self service affair so once they delivered the plates, we could take them up and help ourselves.
“I don't know what you have been taught about money, but with my situation and our relationship, money is not an issue.”
“Our relationship?”
“I offered for you to call me Mum, when you did, I consider that a binding agreement. You are now, and forever more will be, my daughter. I will do my best to help guide you to happiness. What I expect from you is your respect, honesty and affection when you feel like it. That is it. No talk of payback, deserving or any of that nonsense.”
I was welling up again. What was happening to me. I had been a girl for only a little over 24hrs and I had cried or felt like crying more than the rest of my life altogether. I wanted to hug her again, instead I had to settle for reaching across and squeezing her hands.
“Money is not something I have to worry about. I know I don't look well off. I don't wear designer clothes and I live on a houseboat, but appearances can be deceiving. How I live is my lifestyle choice, nothing more. The houseboat is designed for one, now I have a daughter living with me, we will be making some changes.” She disengaged her hand from mine to hold it up and stop me from interrupting. “Living with you will make my life richer. I think I was getting a bit lonely without admitting it to myself. The universe has blessed me with your company. I don't stay permanently in Lucy. I will show you tomorrow. I do like to be here on Sundays. It is a beautiful community. Every Sunday we all get together around a campfire and entertain each other. Steph usually visits and brings her keyboard.”
“I thought she gave up the piano.”
“She told you about that. Yes she did give it up. I think she felt too much pressure and that took the fun out of it for her. Once I allowed her to give it up and convinced her there was no pressure, she returned to it and more importantly enjoys playing. I am hoping I can convince you to sing.”
“Me. Sing. I can't sing.”
“Honesty remember.”
“Well, I mean anyone can sing, but I am not good enough to sing in front of others.”
“How do you judge that. Who has heard you sing?”
“Only my father and that was a long time ago.”
“And what did he think?”
“He liked it. He has to say that. He's Dad. He liked everything I did.”
“I heard you. I thought an angel had visited my humble boat. Your voice is amazing.”
“How did you hear me? I didn't sing until after you left.”
“I forgot my keys. I am so glad I did. I would pay money to hear you sing. Do you think we could do something together for tonight. I play the fiddle, I would love to improvise something with you.”
She was looking at me with excitement in her eyes, how can you say no to that.
“I guess we can try. I have never sung in front of anybody. I'm not sure if I can do it.”
The waitress arrived with our plates and my hot choc. Conversation was temporarily halted for a food intermission. I love a carvery. You chose from three different types of meat, I couldn't decide and so had a bit of each, then lots of different veg, loads of gravy and sauces. Delicious. In theory you can go back up for more veg if you want to. My eyes, as usual, were bigger than my stomach, I struggled to finish what was on my plate.
“Sophie, I would like to talk about our possible next steps.”
“Is this a good place to discuss it?” I looked around nervously.
“I really don't think anyone is going to be paying attention to us. We should be fine here.”
“OK.”
“I have been thinking about it and made a few inquires this morning. My first thought was to whisk you off to Thailand and sort you out physically. The sooner we can do that the safer you will be. To do that we need to sort out your identity. I have two possible solutions, but both have their risks. I don't know any criminals, so I have no idea how to find a man who does that sort of thing for money. Possibility number one. I approach the relevant authorities and try to get them to give you new papers, like a witness protection programme. The issue with that is that, again, I don't have any contacts and I would need to tell the whole truth. Your mother would probably be informed, possibly your school. If any of those informed do not take it seriously enough there could be consequences. A secret is more likely to stay a secret if almost nobody knows about it. With that route, quite a few people will end up knowing about...” she paused to look around. “Flower. There is a danger that the wrong people will find out. I don't know how real that danger is, I just don't have the necessary information.”
“That does not sound that great. I wouldn't trust my mother to believe me. She would probably be glad if someone removed her nuisance of a son.”
“Don't be like that. Some people struggle with their emotions. I'm sure she loves you, she probably, just does not know how to deal with you.”
“You're right. That did sound a bit bitter. That is not who I want to be. Still, I don't think that is a good option. What other options are there.”
“Well, one of my odd jobs is volunteer work with a home for women and children. We try to take in girls from the street and women who have been abused by their husbands and give them a chance to find their feet. I work occasionally in the admin side of things, mainly so I can monitor the money side and donate funds when needed. Sometimes we end up with birth certificates for girls who subsequently disappear. My suspicion is that they are lured into the sex trade. You really don't want to hear some of the stories I have heard. Anyway, it is unlikely that they have already requested a passport and it is highly unlikely that they will ever request one. What I am suggesting is essentially identity theft. We steal their identity, change your name by d-poll, then apply for a passport.”
“And the risks?”
“Only the obvious one that I can see. The true owner of the identity tries to reclaim it. From what I have heard, once a street girl disappears, they tend to stay that way, so I don't think it likely.”
“Could you get in trouble?”
“Not really. We just say that you are a girl from the street who claimed to have the same name and a mixup happened when applying for a passport. If we go down this path, I will go in tomorrow and find the best birth certificate that I can. The next day we take you in and you stay a day or two under the same name. You leave taking your birth certificate with you and we proceed from there.”
“That sounds like the better option.”
“So we will go with that?”
“Yes please.”
“I do tend to have a fatalistic approach. If it is meant to be I will find a suitable birth certificate, if any issues arise from it, they are meant to, and the resolution will benefit you in the long run.”
“I think I have had enough issues. Please let this be smooth sailing.”
“Que sera, sera. What will be, will be.”
“That is not that reassuring.”
Chapter 8
We went back to Lucy to try on the clothes she had bought and practice combining my singing with her fiddle playing. We decided that I would go to the shelter tomorrow with only what I had brought with me. It would look strange to have any new stuff. Still it was worth a little fashion show and even if the size is the right one does not mean it will fit. She had mainly bought practical stuff. Jeans, leggings, skirts, underwear (plain), tights, boots, Ugg boots (which I loved), camisoles, T-shirts, jumpers and jumper dresses. What amazed me was the variety of colours. Most of it fit, but not everything. I was particularly disappointed that this cute pair of boots was just a bit too tight. I realised that I had completely gone to my feminine side when I contemplated keeping them and suffer, but better sense prevailed. She had also got me a make up kit.
We took the tags off all the stuff we were keeping and put it all in these big cloth bags for washing. The rest with the receipts went back into plastic bags for returning. Then she got out her violin and we went through what songs I had learnt. The way it worked was everybody did something to contribute. Some would bring food or drink. The rest had to provide entertainment. There would be some reading poetry, either their own or something they had memorised, singing, instruments, telling jokes, juggling, fire breathing. It was a relaxed atmosphere and there was nothing to worry about. Easy for her to say.
Then we came to the crunch time and she asked me to sing, I just couldn't do it.
Tracy sat next to me and one arm hugged me. “What's the problem?”
I was still looking like a deer trapped by headlights. “I've never sang in front of anyone before.”
She smiled at me. “OK, close your eyes. Imagine you have just climbed into the bath you had yesterday. Remember the smells, the feeling of the hot water. When you are ready, don't think of singing, just think of releasing your emotional energy. Let it go.”
As I relaxed into my mental picture, I could feel my tension drain out of me. I started humming. Then I started singing Songbird sung by Eva Cassidy. I heard Tracy improvising around me. I felt this sense of peace settle on me, like a deep seated contentment. It only lasted as long as the song, but it felt great. I opened my eyes at the end to find Tracy standing opposite me with violin in hand.
“Wow. You are amazing. That was... that was....I can't find the words. You voice, wow and your expression, it was like you were talking to God. Angelic. You are so good at this. This is what you are meant to do.”
I was still feeling the peace so I just smiled at her.
“Can you do the other Eva Cassidy song you mentioned?”
“Fields of Gold?”
“Yeah.”
I had to close my eyes again and find that calm place before I could start. It was a bit easier this time. When I finished she praised me like crazy which made me feel really good inside. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt this good. We went through both songs several times so that she could work out how she was going to add to it.
We walked to this clearing in the woods carrying camp chairs and Tracy's violin. I had to stick with my second hand clothes until after I left the Home. I decided on the jeans as being more practical, wore 2 of the T-shirts for extra warmth, the jumper and the coat. Tracy was going to introduce me to Martha, who ran the home, and try and arrange a legitimate invite, rather than me just turning up. My story was that I was a runaway from London who wouldn't talk about what had happened to me, claimed to be Sophie Smith and was 18. The immediate assumption was that I would lie about my name and age, so it would not matter if the birth certificate said something different. Steph had then noticed me near her college and persuaded me to visit Tracy, who brought me to the campfire.
We weren't the first to arrive, but it was still setting up. It was a pretty big clearing and in the centre was a ring of stones with evidence of previous campfires. The people were dressed in comfortable clothes. Shaggy jumpers with multiple colours, even on the guy's. It gave an impression of a music festival and had that atmosphere. A couple of tables were already set up and 3 different portable BBQ's.
We didn't sit and watch though. We set up our chairs. We had brought 3, so Steph could join us and a rug, in case she brought anyone else from Uni. Initially we wondered around so Tracy could say hello or chat and whilst doing that we would automatically help if we could. When Martha arrived, I was introduced briefly and then I followed a few of the girls who came with her back to her people carrier to help unload. Tracy stayed to probably discuss me.
Martha brought the majority of the food supplies. Mainly burgers, sausages and buns, but there were also salads and fruit. There were plastic plates, cups and knives, forks and spoons. These weren't disposable but sturdy jobs that would be reused. The girls I was helping were either my age or older. One had piercings all over the place, with short dark hair spiked up. She introduced herself as Sam and seemed really nice. There was a glint in her eye that made me anxious for some reason. The other 3 girls were more together and were giving me looks of scorn. I had only been out as a girl for such a short time and I had no idea what I had done for them to look at me like that. I retreated, nervously, back to Tracy's side as soon as I could. I tried to make a mental note to ask Tracy about it later.
Steph arrived as the light was beginning to fade and the smell of cooking food and bonfire was in the air. We set up her keyboard on a stand she had brought and chatted. We agreed to try and avoid to many hugs and crying fits, as it didn't really fit with my backstory. She did give me a good squeeze though, that felt really nice.
Martha was probably the most smartly dressed. She was only a bit taller than me so I would guess 5 and a half feet, but very sturdy without looking fat. She had an enormous chest which added to her friendly smile to give her a very maternal, mother goddess type look. She was clearly the main organiser here, and rang a bell to bring about a sudden quiet.
“Food's ready.”
Chapter 9
There wasn't a mad rush to the food tables, more of a casual shift of attention that gathered steam as people started loading up their plates. When we meandered our way there, we had to wait in a queue. Tracy made a show of publically giving me a card from Martha. I guess I had my invitation.
I was curious as to how come Martha ended up running things so I asked Tracy.
She laughed and said “This community has been doing this for years. I joined accidentally when I wanted to be close to Steph but incognito, so bought the houseboat and moved here. I met Martha when I was volunteering at 23 (23 was the nickname for the Home). I brought her here because I enjoyed it so much. She had a great time but the disorganisation was driving her crazy. There was no set time and even the day varied, sometimes is was a Friday or Saturday. No one checked the weather, food and drink was sometimes available. If enough dead wood could not be found locally it had to end early. She started a very subtle campaign. I swear, that woman could end up Prime Minister and no one would quite work out how she did it, it would just be a natural progression. She chatted, made friends and worked out what everybody could offer. Slowly, it became what it is today. Everybody contributes, but what they give, fits with what they are happy to. Whether it is finding enough firewood, making the torches” she gestured to these sort of candles on a stick that were set out in a wider circle but hadn't been lit yet, “serving or cooking the food, providing entertainment. It all fits, like a clever puzzle that just needed her hands to put it all together.”
The drinks were provided by someone who worked at a local drink company and could get the rejects cheap. You had to pick up a can and sort of weigh it to see if it had enough to be worth opening. Still, I wasn't complaining, the food was filling, the drink nice and the company and atmosphere, great.
As it became dark, the fire and torches were lit and the entertainment began. There were about 30 people there with about 7 children of various ages and they started it. They were telling jokes. Some were better than others, but we clapped for all of them and the kids were beaming. Then a young man tried to tell some. His were better although he struggled with the pressure of the audience. I was enjoying it until I started to remember that I had agreed to sing and the anticipation of that was ramping up my anxiety. I closed my eyes and went back to imagery of my bath and found I could find my calm place without too much trouble, so I tried to let my worries go and just enjoy myself.
Next up were a pair of jugglers. They started on their own and then tossed between themselves. It was hardly cirque du soleil, not that I had seen them, but good amateurs who were having fun. The cutest thing was a 5 year old girl, in a ballerina costume, doing the hula hoop, whilst everyone clapped. I thought her grin was going to split her head in half.
Then the musicians started. An old man on a harmonica doing a blues tune, then a young man with a guitar singing his own songs. Some adults were dragged by their daughters to have someone to dance with. He did 3 songs and got lots of applause.
Tracy tapped me on my shoulder. “Is it OK if we go next?”
“Umm, can I close my eyes and you tap me when you want me to start?”
“I'll start and then pause to let you in, is that alright?”
“That would be great.”
Tracy started off loudly, I think to grab everyone's attention, then more mellow and then really soft, so you had to strain to hear. This really quietened the background murmur to almost nothing. It also helped me find my peaceful place. Still with my eyes closed, I waited for her pause and then began Fields of Gold. Whilst I was singing, to me, there was no audience, my eyes were closed and I was back with my father as a child playing in a field of sunflowers. It was one of the reasons I loved the song so much, it was sort of bittersweet. Sad, but in a good way, reminding me of happy times.
At the end, I was still in my zone, but aware enough to realise there was none of the usual cheering. I didn't have a chance to think about it. Tracy quickly led the way to Songbird and I was back in my serene space. I used to sing Songbird to my father after we knew, that he was going. He didn't stop fighting. We never admitted it, but he was only getting worse, so there came a point that we knew, there would be no happy ending. I could feel tears running down my face as I was singing. I finished to absolute silence.
Before I opened my eyes I heard Steph next to me. “I can't follow that.” Then she lifted me out of the chair and hugged me. Then people started clapping and just got louder and louder. I felt all embarrassed so I stayed with my head buried in Steph until the noise quietened down. “Please Steph, I would like to hear you.”
Steph started warming up with a few scales, before starting some classical music. I have no idea what it was, but it was peaceful and calming. It helped me relax again. I know I was getting a lot of stares. I didn't meet anybodies eyes and tried to concentrate on Steph and her music, which was beautiful. While she was playing, the five year old ballerina, Ellie, came to me. She just walked up to me with her arms open. I held her in my lap and cuddled her, or more accurately, she cuddled me. She fell asleep at some point so I just stayed still, enjoying her presence. Her parents checked up on her, but when I said I didn't mind, left her with me until it was time to go.
Chapter 10
After Steph finished the entertainment section was over. The majority of people stayed for awhile, those with children mostly drifted off. I'm guessing Ellie was an only child and her parents were enjoying staying a bit later, as they left her sleeping on my lap for a good while, checking occasionally. Lots of people came over to thank me for singing and congratulating me on a great performance. If I could of, I would have hidden behind Tracy's skirts, I felt an embarrassed shyness. Having a sleeping child on my lap helped by acting as a sort of enthusiasm dampener. If they wanted to talk to me they had to speak quietly.
Sam was one of the first to visit me, telling me I was beautiful. I'm pretty sure she meant my singing, but there was a look in her eye, that made me feel like I was food and she was hungry. She backed off fairly quickly though and left with Martha and the other girls soon after. I had lots of requests for a return visit next week. I had to be non-committal, but said I would if I could. Tracy and Steph stayed close by. I think they knew I needed their support. Jason, the guitar playing singer songwriter, lurked in the background until he could approach without a crowd. He said I had inspired him and made me promise to consider singing a song of his. In fact, he was going to write one specifically for me and he would like to play the guitar to back up my singing.
Eventually Frank and Susan, Ellie's parents, collected her, thanked me for looking after her and hoped to see me next week. I really didn't have a moment alone until I had said my goodbyes to Steph, and Tracy and I were walking away.
“Well, how did you like it?”
I pondered a bit. “I loved the atmosphere. It was friendly and encouraging. Apart from those 3 girls from 23.”
“Did they say something to you?”
“No. Sam spoke to me, you know the one with the piercings. She was nice. The other 3 didn't say anything, but the look they gave me reminded me of school.”
“If it is what I think it is, it's a girl thing, especially a teenage girl thing. We tend to assess the competition and are not happy if someone looks prettier than us. As beautiful as you are, you are going to have to get used to it.”
“Ha, ha, ha. Very funny.”
“I'm serious. I don't expect you to get that yet. Just promise me you are open to seeing yourself as beautiful, inside and out.”
“I'll try.” Wanting to change the subject quickly I went back to the original question. “I loved the singing. I felt uncomfortable with the attention, though.”
“I know we have a lot of things to sort out at the moment, but I think you should seriously think about singing as a career. You are majorly gifted. If you want I can set you up with a voice coach.”
“I did love the singing.” I gave her a one armed hug as we were walking. “Thanks for the support. You make a great mum.”
“You're more than welcome.” she said with a squeeze back.
Lucy only had the one bed but it was large enough that it didn't feel too awkward, plus I was so knackered that I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow. I woke up when I noticed movement from the other side of the bed.
“Good morning.” I sleepily murmured.
“Morning beautiful.” she replied.
We both did our morning ablutions and went outside to stretch and do our Tai Chi short forms. It is a great way to wake up. The air was cold and crisp, fresh and invigorating. We together made a proper breakfast and relaxed in great company.
“The plan for today is to move Lucy to her secondary mooring site. Then I need to go to 23 and prepare the ground for your arrival. I figure around lunchtime, I pick you up, we go out and have lunch and then I take you to 23.”
“Sounds like a plan. Do you have any books I can read whilst you are out.”
“I will set you up on my pad with a kindle app. You are welcome to buy a few books or there are loads of free ones to check out.”
Travelling the canal is really quite peaceful. The boat doesn't go much faster than a walking pace, there is beautiful green scenery everywhere you look and a few weirs to navigate that add interest. I can see why it is a popular holiday in the summer. It took us a couple of hours to arrive. There were these houses whose garden backed onto the canal. One of them, which ended up being our destination, had proper mooring posts fitted with a fairly substantial granny flat at the end of the garden, near the canal.
We tied the boat off and Tracy showed me around. She owned the house and rented it out to students and kept the granny flat with access to the road for herself and any guests she might have. Now that I was joining her this would be the main place where we would be living with trips back to the campsite every Saturday for the Sunday fun. The granny flat had 2 bedrooms, an open plan kitchen/ lounge/ diner, a laundry room with a large washer and dryer, and a beautiful bathroom with spa bath and large shower.
“Time has gotten away from us. I forget how long it takes to travel by boat. Change of plans, we will go out, grab a bite to eat and both go to 23. While you are getting settled I will start my admin stuff. When I am ready, I will interview you in my office. Theoretically to find out your real name, age and other details that you are willing to divulge.”
“Won't that look a bit odd?”
“I am not normally the person who does those interviews, but we do try and get our occupants to open up. Usually the more they tell us, the more we can help them. I have told Martha that we have made a connection and that I was even thinking of inviting you to stay with me. She is probably expecting me to take a more active role with you. Ideally, you stay for a couple of days then I take you home.”
“Cool. What can I do to help?”
“Just gather your used clothes and handbag. Do you reckon you can get by with the wig for a couple of days and what about hiding your... you know, your extra bits.”
“I won't have to get changed in front of anyone, will I?”
“You each have your own room although they are very small. The bathrooms do have locks, but I have heard of girls picking them when they get annoyed with someone hogging the bathroom.”
“I will make do with sponge baths, I can do that in my room. It's only for a couple of days, I can manage. Do you have a wedge I can borrow? I'm not sure I should trust the bedroom locks if I can't trust the bathroom ones.”
“Why don't you have a quick shower now and I'll try and find you a wedge.”
Chapter 11
I went to the bathroom as Tracy disappeared back to Lucy. I needed to be quick so a shower was an obvious choice, but I was anxious just thinking about it. I kept repeating to myself 'I know I am safe, I know I am safe.' As I approached the shower door, my heart was pounding. I was hyper-aware of all the sounds around me. I reached for the handle and heard a door shut, and I jumped. I may have squealed, I'm not sure. Someone started knocking on the bathroom door. My mind was in such a strange place that my first thought was that it was Nathan.
“Are you alright in there?” Tracy asked.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. “Yeah.” I don't think I was very convincing though.
“Can I come in?”
I unlocked the door and let her in.
She took one look at me and went straight to an embracing hug. “I've got you.”
When the hug started, I think I was rigid with stress and as it continued I was able to relax.
“What happened?”
“I'm sorry.”
“It's alright, darling, its alright. What happened?” she asked me again.
“Showers, er..., make me er... scare me.”
“Oh, err..., Oh, I see. That's OK. Why don't you run a quick bath. We've got time.”
“You sh...sure? I can use a flannel.”
She rubbed my back and gave my forehead a quick kiss and let me go. “I'm sure.” Then she started getting the bath going. I think I already love this woman.
I was as quick as I could be, got into some fresh underwear but had to put my dress back on. Tracy helped me with my wig, but I tried first on my own and did alright, I think. We decided against make up. I wasn't used to putting it on or removing it, which would be unusual for a girl my age. It was best avoided altogether. Then we were off. The bath had helped to settle me but going to this home was beginning to worry me.
We had lunch in a cafe. I had a chicken caesar salad. I couldn't cope with anything heavier on my stomach. Tracy had a panini with melted brie and roasted peppers and other vegetables. I'll admit, looking at hers, I was a little jealous. I guess she noticed as she cut a section off and passed it to me without saying a word. It was delicious. If we came back, I'm definitely having that. We both had the juice of the day which was carrot, apple and ginger. Surprisingly tasty and almost a meal in itself.
We arrived at house No 23 and knocked politely. We had to look into a camera before we were buzzed open.
“Tight security.” I said.
“This home is also used for women escaping from abusive husbands. Bear that in mind and don't tell anyone this address, unless you have to. If you see anyone lurking or looking suspicious, report it immediately. Women have been killed, just because they didn't want to be tortured or their children hurt. It is also set up as a bit of a maze.”
We waited in the hallway and after a couple of minutes Martha arrived.
“Wonderful, Tracy managed to convince you to join us.” She approached with a huge smile and held a hand out for me to shake.
I smiled nervously back and gave her hand a quick shake.
“Let me show you around. I would introduce you to the other girls, but they are at work or school at the moment.” She drew me away from Tracy and started showing me where everything was. The house was 3 houses in one. Only the one entrance and the women in danger would live in the furthest house. Anyone coming to trouble them would have to go through 2 houses to get to them, which would, hopefully give them enough time to go to the panic room and lock themselves in. There I was introduced to 2 families, both Indian women with girl children. One of them still had bruises and a black eye. If that was what we could see, I hated to imagine what was hidden. They were on lockdown, unable to leave the house. When they first arrive they are in the most danger. Those husbands could act really crazy.
The other 2 houses were for young girls who found themselves without shelter. There was another shelter they were associated with which was for young boys or men, but it wasn't close. Those willing to stay had to abide by the rules and their were no second chances. No boys, they wouldn't even be let in the front door. No stealing, from each other or shops. No alcohol or drugs of any kind. This place was an opportunity to get back on your feet. Food and shelter with help in finding jobs or finishing education. She tried to quiz me and I tried to give vague and non-specific answers. Her smile didn't dim and I could feel genuine warmth behind it. “We will give you a little while to settle in, but if you really want to get sorted, we will need to know how to help you. I don't expect you to trust me having just met me, but I don't have an agenda, I just want to help, honest.”
I left my stuff in my bedroom and relaxed in the lounge. There was a laptop at a desk and shelves above with a very varied selection of books. The television was hung on the wall with the remote on a little shelf underneath it. The laptop had a hard wired internet connection and a security wire that meant you couldn't move it more than a few inches. I looked up some song lyrics thinking I should, perhaps, learn another song. I looked up Songbird hoping it would give ideas of the songs like it. To my surprise I found it was also a Fleetwood Mac song. I went through some of their other songs and listened to them on youtube. Oh Daddy hit a nerve, so I started memorising it. I wasn't sure I could sing that one without breaking down. I wanted to find another one that represented the growing love I was feeling towards Tracy. It would have to wait though as Tracy collected me and we went to a small office.
Chapter 12
“Right Sophie, we have a couple of options.” She said, holding up 2 birth certificates. “Abigail Faulkner, I think, is the best option. She is an orphan. Lived with her parents until age 14, ran away from her foster homes, mainly in London. Arrived here age 16 and disappeared after only a few weeks. That was 2 years ago. The only issue is that you would be 18 and to be honest, you don't even look 16. Looking young for your age is no crime and make up, properly applied, can probably get you to look age appropriate. Then we have Rebecca Stevens. She would be 17 but she does have living relatives. She was removed from their care from a young age. She was here a year ago and stayed almost 3 months. Again disappeared, never to be seen again. She also had a brother, so if either he or her parents decided to look for her, it could be a problem. I don't think it likely. A higher risk than Abigail though.”
“Whatever you think is best.”
“Right, I'll take your birth certificate, Abigail, and arrange to change your name by d-poll. It also means I can formally adopt you, If you want, of course.” For once she looked a bit uncertain.
“Remember mum, we have a verbally agreed contract, making it formal will just be icing on the cake.”
She smiled hugely. “Great. We just need to work out your name. You still want to go with Sophie?”
“Yes. My name is Sophie. Yes it feels right.”
“What would you like as your surname?”
“What is yours?”
“Green. I don't think you can go with that. Flower could be associated with it and we don't want any connection between the two.”
“What is your maiden name?”
“Hastings. I thought about changing back to it, but didn't want Steph to feel like I was distancing myself from her.”
“Sophie Hastings. I like it. Do you think I need a middle name?”
“Do you want one? There is no requirement for one.”
“Not really.”
“Let's leave it at Sophie Hastings then. I'll have a chat with Martha, tell her that you are an orphan and 18, then she will be less worried about getting you in school or that worried parents are going to be knocking on her door. I will also mention that I am thinking strongly of inviting you to live with me. Waiting only to talk to Steph before asking you. I think I will also mention that I am thinking of going on holiday if the right deal comes up, in case she needs to find cover for my volunteering work. I will arrange to see my lawyers and bring any paperwork you need to sign tomorrow. I don't really see any need for you to stay any longer than tonight. Tomorrow you can come back with me.”
“Yay. The longer I stay here, the more risk, I think.”
She guided me back to the lounge and left me to it. I went back to the laptop and carried on researching songs. Some to refresh my memory of the lyrics and also to try and find songs that resonated with me that I could learn. I figured, if I was to even consider singing for a living, I needed more breadth of knowledge.
I usually have great situational awareness, trained into me by numerous attacks. One of the easiest way to avoid incidents was to be aware of what people around you were doing. This time, however, I was so engrossed I didn't notice a girl standing behind me, tapping her foot. The room had carpet, so it was hardly a loud noise but it did cause me to spin round.
“Oh, Hi. I'm Sophie.”
“Good for you. Have you finished. I want to check my email.” said this fairly pretty 16 year old wearing a school uniform. I say fairly pretty, because the expression on her face soured my impression of her. She was one of the girls at the campfire.
“No worries.” I closed everything down and moved away to give her access. I checked the available books and found one that I thought might be worth reading and retreated to the sofa.
“Do you mind?” she asked me.
“Mind what?”
“I'm looking at my emails. It's private. I don't want you looking over my shoulder. Could you” she made a shooing gesture “go somewhere else.”
I was a good 2 metres away, sitting on a sofa, hardly in a position to see what she was doing. I considered her for a minute. I didn't want her to think she had intimidated me, on the other hand, I was only going to be here for one night, and she probably felt I was invading her territory. I almost laughed when I had a mental picture of a her lifting her leg and pissing on the computer and saying 'MINE'.
“Sure. I will have more pleasant company in my room.” As I left I heard a muttered 'Bitch' behind me.
I read for awhile. The book didn't really grab me so I wondered to the kitchen to see if I could help. Sam was there and at least she smiled when she saw me.
“Hi beautiful.”
“Hi Sam. Do you want some help?”
“That would be great. I guess you are not on the roster yet, are you?”
“No.”
“Volunteering for work, you must be crazy.”
“I think I was worried that if the wrong person was cooking, my dinner would have spit in it.”
She laughed. “You've met the pack then. Or less politely, the three bitches.”
“One of them.”
“I'm guessing you're street, like me?”
“Yup.”
“They think they are better than us, coz they never had to go street.”
“Oh well, can't please everyone. So, what are we cooking.”
I'm not a great cook, never really had the chance or inclination. I can follow instructions and Spag bol is pretty easy. Sam was pretty good company and kept me entertained whilst we got everything ready. The quantities were huge. We were cooking for 8 girls aged 14 to 20 and the 2 families that I had met earlier and Martha, of course. They didn't eat with us, just took their plates and disappeared back to their separate kitchen. So there were 9 of us, 8 girls and Martha, sitting around a table meant to seat 8. A little squashed but not too bad. Martha kept the conversation going, but it was an uphill battle. The pack just consisted of the three girls and they refused to talk to or answer anyone but Martha or another pack member. The rest of us just ignored them. Sam talked about the campfire and how great it was and what a good singer I was. Martha was agreeing and trying to convince the other girls to go next time. The pack I could tell was undecided on whether to heap scorn on me or continue the not talking policy.
As soon as everyone had finished the pack disappeared and the washing was left to 2 of the girls that I was talking to. Amy, aged 14 and Sarah aged 17. They both seemed nice. Amy was particularly shy and hardly said a word and Sarah was a comedian coming out with outrageous stories that were hilarious. I was half tempted to just stay in the kitchen area whilst they were there to keep them company and hear the next outrageous thing Sarah was going to say.
Instead, I went back to my room to grab my book so I could exchange it. Upon entering, I found my clothes all across my bed. The only things missing was a bit of money that I brought in case of emergencies (£10), my hat, scarf and a pack of new underwear that I hadn't opened yet. I felt weirdly violated. Someone handling your underwear and stuff, just feels wrong in a very uncomfortable way. I was pretty sure who was responsible and my first instinct was to aggressively confront them. I'm not naturally an aggressive person and I have never started a fight in my life, so I started thinking how else I could deal with it. Then it occurred to me that this was a serious offence in this household. Anyone caught would lose their place, so who would risk that? Unless it was a frame job. I report the missing items, the house is searched and the items are mysteriously found in a girls room, who claims innocence.
I figured Sam was the best person to figure this out. I knocked on her door and explained the situation. The first thing we did was search her room and surprise, surprise, there it all was, minus the money. I guess the money would be very hard to chase or prove, but it did give me an idea. We went to Martha with my idea and we put the plan into action.
Chapter 13
Everyone gathered in the dining room like in an Agatha Christie novel.
Martha stood up and addressed us. “I was a bit worried that we had thief in our midst and as you all know, anyone caught stealing, is asked to leave. When Sophie decided to join us I thought it would be a good idea to lay a trap for a would be culprit. We marked a £10 note with invisible ink that only shows up under UV light and left it in her purse. Now, before we go any further, I really don't like losing anyone. So I am going to give the thief one chance to own up. If you do, you will be punished, but I won't kick you out.”
One of the pack, started hyperventilating and looking with fear at the other 2. “Alice, do you have something you need to tell me?”
“It was just a joke. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.”
“I'm sure you are. Can you go and get the money and give it back to Sophie. Then come to my office. Everyone else, you are free to go.”
Alice returned my money and went with Martha, a very subdued girl.
I went to the lounge, exchanged my book and returned to my room. I didn't want any more confrontations. I read until I felt tired, sorted myself out for bed, leaving the wig in and slept.
I woke to a loud crash in the middle of the night. I was startled awake from a deep sleep so it took a few moments to even remember where I was. I heard aggressive shouting and there was something about it that niggled at me as being wrong. I put my jeans on, made sure my wig was on tight still, and opened my door to peek out. Then I realised what had niggled at me. It was a man's voice. Men were not allowed here.
I walked towards the noise. I wanted to see what was going on. As I rounded a corner I could see a large Indian man shouting at Martha. I don't know what he was saying. Either his accent combined with his anger was making him unintelligible or he was speaking in a different language. He gave up on verbal communication and shoved Martha into a wall and headed towards me. I suppose I should have moved to the side to let him pass, but he had just hurt Martha and I was angry so I stayed in his way.
He carried on walking towards me and reached out with both hands to push me out of the way. I grabbed his hands and fell backwards tucking my feet under me as I fell. So he landed on me with my feet in his midsection. Still holding his hands I launched him over me into the wall behind me. I let go of his hands before they were seriously harmed. He hit the wall upside down and lay there for a few seconds stunned, which was all the time I needed to roll him onto his front and lock his arm in a pain compliance hold.
I could sense Martha approaching, but kept my focus on the man. “Are you alright?”
“Yes dear, I'm fine. Can I take over, I don't want you involved with this.”
She took a similar hold to mine on the other arm. “Could you go to my office and call the police?”
The man started shouting at her again but if he was trying to get her to release him, I couldn't see it physically. I hurried to her office and phoned the police, carrying the mobile phone and taking it to Martha.
The police arrived and took him away. I downplayed my involvement, suggesting that he tried to walk through me and tripped and fell on me. I kicked out to get him off me and then Martha held him down. All true, of course, just not the full truth. I still had to give a statement and sign my name. I debated whether to sign as Abigail or Sophie and, in the end went with Sophie. I figured, in the unlikely event I ended up in court, by then, Sophie would be the right name.
I didn't feel I could go back to bed. The front door was a mess and Martha had to make some phone calls to get help at that ungodly hour. None of the other girls showed their faces until breakfast time. They did what I was supposed to, stay in your room and lock the door. I tried to stay out of the way. All the girls had places to go and things to do. When all the girls had left, I told Martha that I was having a bath and had a quick one with the door locked and a wedge under the door as an extra precaution. I tried out Oh Daddy sung by Fleetwood Mac, Almaz sung by Randy Crawford and Fighter sung by Christina Aguilera. Then put on my retrieved new underwear, jeans, T-shirt and jumper. I was looking forward to getting to Tracy's place and the clothes she had bought me and her washing machine.
I went back onto my song research. I wanted to sing something for Tracy. It was really tricky. I couldn't sing a mother daughter relationship one. As much as I was calling her mum and she was treating me like a daughter, we had only known each other for a couple of days. We needed more time to grow into that relationship. I did find one song that I loved and thought could work. Happy by Pharrell Williams. It was a really different song, completely unlike anything I had sung before. I would have to have my eyes open and everyone's attention would be on me, unless.... What if the girls from 23 did a dance number like I had seen on youtube? I could sing it and they could dance to it, the focus wouldn't be on me and I could express to Tracy some of the joy she had given me. I created a new email address for my new name and emailed Sam with the idea.
Tracy came in around noon, said hello to me and then spent some time with Martha before approaching me. We went back to her office so that she could convince me to stay with her. We actually spent the time signing documents the lawyers had prepared and going through my eventful stay. Then I went to Martha and thanked her then I went to my room, gathered all my sheets and used towels and put them in a hamper. My meagre possessions were packed away and we were off for lunch.
Chapter 14
We went to an organic vegetarian restaurant. I didn't even know they existed. The food was great though. I had a leek bake. I have no idea what was in it, but it was very filling.
Something had been bugging me. I think it was that Tracy was less surprised than I would have expected by somebody attacking the house.
“When I told you about the man attacking the house, you didn't seem very shocked. Does that sort of thing happen a lot?”
“Not frequently, but it is not that uncommon. Some cases of spousal abuse can be caused by a clash of cultures, a different set of beliefs. If you believe that women are less than men and that your wife has to obey you and your community believe the same. Then, when a woman leaves, the man feels she has shamed him and the only way to redeem himself is to retrieve her. Then, of course, his duty is to teach her the error of her ways. Of course, it can be something less complicated. Some men think of women as possessions. Generally, her best chance is to not be found. We try and keep the location secret and say it is only used for street kids to find their feet. It does not take much for that defence to fail. This is the 3rd attack that I have heard of. It is the first that got through a substantial front door. Thanks to you, it is also the first where the culprit was caught.”
“I hope they throw the book at him.”
“Thank god nobody was hurt.”
“Apart from him and he deserved it.”
“Quite. I think I might add a donation specifically for a better front door. If it wasn't for you, I would hate to think what could have happened. Maybe get Martha a taser. Now you have faced some of the pitfalls of girlhood, overaggressive men and bitchy girls. I think you handled it pretty well. I'm proud of you. I hope you are proud of yourself.”
“Thanks mum.” Changing the subject as quickly as possible. “Nice restaurant, you certainly know how to pick them.”
“Living with me, I will need to explain a few things. I am a terrible cook. I tried for years, used cookbooks, took lessons. My food still came out bland and tasteless or worse, over spiced, one way or another. At some point I had to accept, it was just not one of my gifts. Jeff, certainly let me know, and finally allowed me to hire a chef. When we divorced, I could hardly employ a chef to cook just for me, so I eat out a lot.”
“On your own?”
“Not always, but a lot of the time, yes. Money was not an issue, so I wasn't going to eat my own creations. Most of the friends I thought I had with Jeff, disappeared with the divorce. All the new friends I made here, didn't have any money. That doesn't bother me. But if I paid for them every time we went out, our relationship would change. I keep my financial independence a well guarded secret. When people think of you as rich, they treat you differently.”
“I can't argue with your choices. I have had some of the best meals of my life in your company. And I reckon this was even healthy.”
“Yes, as I said, I eat out a lot. The other side of that is that I had to find a lot of healthy restaurants or at least restaurants with healthy choices. Unless you either have or develop culinary skills there will be a lot more in your future. The other thing I want you to realise is that I get as much out of our relationship as you do.” I think either she is good at reading faces or I am very transparent. “Seriously, it is not all one sided. I was so used to eating alone. It was so normal for me that I forgot how much better it is to have company. And not just at meal times either. I need you as much as you need me.”
When I met her she didn't strike me as lonely, but I wouldn't have guessed that she had money either. I knew what she meant though. Sometimes you just exist, you get through the day as best as you can and if you do it often enough, you don't even notice that you are unhappy. Then a choice comes along and you can continue in your monotone world or take a chance on technicolour. I think so many of us aren't brave enough to make that choice, so sometimes the universe gives us a nudge. Without the assault, I probably would have gone through male puberty, become a man and lived a monotone existence. The universe nudged me in a rather harsh way. I was now going to become the woman I was always meant to be. I loved my father, I still love him wherever he may be, but the majority of my life has been an unhappy one. Sure, I had great times with him, but I was constantly having to ignore verbal abuse, stop physical abuse and never feel comfortable in my own skin. I was finally feeling more in tune with who I was, more relaxed with the world around me and truly happy for the first time in my life.
“I think I need to talk about money a bit more. I don't want you to get the wrong impression. I can't buy your happiness or your love. And I am not going to try to. On the other hand, I do have it and I won't be able to help myself from buying stuff for you. What I need from you is to not change who you are or how you behave with me. You are my daughter and I have the right to spoil you and I will enjoy doing so. Please don't take away my pleasure by refusing it or saying something is too much or I shouldn't.”
I smiled at her and said. “Would it make you feel better if I said all those things now, when I have no idea what you are talking about.” Then I started. “You really shouldn't have..” Before I could get any further, she put a finger on my lips to shush me.
“I wish Steph was that easy. I have to fight her just to pay for dinner.”
I put my serious face on. “I realised the first time we went to dinner....”
“When you paid for me.” she interrupted me.
“Yes, when I paid for you. I realised that I was relying on you for everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. You knew that and still wanted to help. The money is great and all, but that first hug, the acceptance I found in your arms. That is what mattered to me. If you were broke tomorrow, I would not love you any less.”
“Love?”
“Yes. I don't claim to be the smartest kid, but I know what love is. It is not what you say, it is what you do, how you act. You act as though I matter, you care and show it. When you feel love from somebody, how can you not feel it back. I love you. I'm sure, as our relationship develops it will get deeper and stronger, but I already feel it.”
She blinked back tears, so I got up and went behind her chair and hugged her with our heads touching. “How can you be so wise, so young?”
“I have led a life of contrast. I have felt great love and its absence. This, at least, is clear to me. My father also taught me that life is too short, when you feel a good thing. Embrace it. Acknowledge it.” I squeezed her a bit tighter.
She drove us back to her granny flat. I shouldn't call it that any more. She drove us home. “Everything is now in process. It is just a waiting game. Whilst we are waiting, how would you like to spend your time?”
“What do you do?”
“As you know, I go out for my meals, a few are regular times with friends. I usually spend a few hours at 23 doing admin stuff. I spend a few hours each week, usually at the weekend managing my money. I would be happy to show you how I make my money, but you would have to do some studying to understand it. I read books and weather permitting, go for long walks. Worry less about what I do, and more about what you would like to do. Emphasis on like.”
“I have been thinking about what you said with my singing. I love doing it, but don't really like the attention. There are also so many talented people that I am not sure if it would be a great idea to hang all my hopes on it.”
“Fair enough. If you enjoy it, I think you should, at least, pursue it. Whether it ends up as a hobby or work doesn't matter.”
“I agree. But I want a back up plan. Do you really think I could learn how you make money?”
“Absolutely. It is not rocket science. I will have to think about how to go about it though. I have never even showed anybody. I thought about teaching Steph, but she was not interested.”
“That would be great. Apart from wanting more vigorous exercise, your lifestyle sounds like what I would like, too. I loved doing my Aikido training. I don't think I can continue that, it is too closely linked to Flower and you can't just show up with 8 years worth of training and no evidence of it.”
“Why don't you start from fresh with a different martial art?”
“Mmm...Yes, I think I would like that. What do you think I could learn?”
“I have no idea. You would have to research that. I don't mind driving you and I might even join you. It could be fun. So, do you want me to arrange voice coach lessons?”
“Yes. Do you think we should wait until we return from Thailand?”
“Umm.. that might be easier. Do all the research now and start properly when we return.”
When we arrived I went to my bedroom and found Christmas had come early. I had a pile of presents neatly wrapped on my bed.
Chapter 15
I took them through to the lounge area.
“Why don't you open them.” Tracy said.
“I will, I just wanted to do it in front of you. I think the rule should be if I am not going to complain about you spoiling me, you should be around for me to say thank you.”
“Deal.”
I waited for her to get her cup of tea and sit on the sofa. The first present was a mobile phone.
“I've put you on my plan. Use it as much as you want to. The data is limited but we have broadband with wifi here, so you just need to connect to it for that.”
I gave her a smile, quick hug and kiss. “Thank you mum.”
“You're welcome.”
The next box was quite a bit larger. It was a laptop. I gave her another kiss and squeeze. “Thank you mum.”
“It's a 2 in 1. Touchscreen so you can use it as a pad. I will set you up later with a Kindle account and Netflix.”
There was perfume, and various make up supplies. “I don't use a lot of make up. I can show you what I do. When we come back from holiday, I will take you to a spa and arrange some make up lessons with someone there. Someone more your age.”
“Thanks mum.” I put on some lipstick and tried to give her a big kiss on her cheek, but she ran away laughing.
We set up my phone with a Google account, my details and her money, so I could buy games if I wanted. I opened an amazon account, again with her credit card details. I said I didn't need Netflix, but she wanted to give me the option, and set that up for me too. I sent another email to Sam with my new phone number in case she wanted to call.
I gathered all my dirty washing and few things from Tracy and set off a load. I wanted another bath. I had already had one that morning, but then had to put on clothes that I had worn for a few days. I felt icky. The tricky thing with only one bathroom and more importantly, only one toilet meant I felt uncomfortable locking Tracy out. I didn't really want Tracy seeing my non female bits. If I couldn't trust her, who could I trust.
“Is it OK if I have a bath.”
“You don't need to ask. Mi casa es tu casa.”
I took a deep breath. “This is awkward to talk about. There is only one bathroom.”
“I can go to Lucy if I need to.”
“But I don't want you to. I mean, it's only us girls here. I'll leave the door unlocked, just let me know if we have visitors.”
“Oh. If you're sure.”
“I trust you Tracy. I will feel better after our holiday. Still, I trust you. Living with you is going to be a dream for me. I refuse to feel any awkwardness.”
“You can't deny how you feel.”
“No, but familiarity breeds contempt. In fact, please visit me while I am in the bath, even if it is just to check on me or have a chat. It will help me settle.”
“I can do that.”
She visited me twice, engaging me in small talk. She kept eye contact both times and I don't know why, but I felt more accepted. I practised Almaz and Fight Song by Rachel Platten. I got out, all relaxed and went for a nanna nap in a nighty and panties.
When I woke up I put on fresh underwear, Jeans, T-shirt and jumper, but this time, it was all clean. Such a luxury. Sam had phoned while I was asleep and since I had left my phone in the lounge, Tracy had answered. I phoned her back.
“Hi Sam.”
“Hi beautiful.”
I carried the phone to my room, I wanted the happy song, if we did it, to be a surprise. “So what do you think, fancy a dance?”
“You've really started something here. Amy doesn't talk much about her past, but I am guessing, dancing was a part of it. When I asked the girls she practically lit up.”
“This is the shy Amy?”
“Not where dance is concerned. She begged us to do it. The pack is typically uninterested. I don't think they are allowed to go anyway, part of the punishment thing, along with lots of chores.”
“So that is a yes then?”
“Definitely, Amy is working out the chorography from something she has seen on youtube and we are all going to practice like crazy. It is going to be wicked.”
I spoke quietly. “I am going to dedicate it to Tracy and I want to keep it a secret from her.”
“Ahh, that's sweet.”
“So the pack aren't troubling you?”
“I think they know they are on thin ice with that last stunt. They are behaving themselves.”
“What did you do to them for them to try and get you kicked out?”
“It's not what I did, it's what I am.”
“Huh, I don't follow you.”
“I'm a lesbian.” She said it with this almost apologetic voice.
“Oh. And?”
“And what?”
“Well, that can't be the only reason. You don't fancy one of them do you?”
“Not if they were the last girl on earth. You don't mind, do you.”
“I would be very hypocritical if I did.”
“What? Are you serious?”
“I am going through a late puberty. I wasn't really interested in anybody when everybody was going sex crazy.”
“Sex crazy?”
“You know. Talking about it all the time, like nothing else mattered. So far, I have only been attracted to girls, so I think I am a lesbian too.”
“Doesn't that bother you.”
“It would bother me a lot more if I was attracted to boys, they are yucky. Just. Yuck.”
“Definitely a lesbian.”
“At least I am in good company.”
“Thanks.”
Chapter 16
We got into a bit of a routine. We would get up and do the two Tai Chi forms, outside if the weather was good, try and clear a space inside and do it there otherwise. Mostly we skipped breakfast and just had a hot drink. I think eating out for 2 main meals a day was more than enough food and I couldn't cope with a big breakfast as well. I would then do some strength training while Tracy would have a shower and go to the shelter.
I would then have a bath and practice Happy and any other song I was trying to memorize. Then I would do some computer time. I was researching songs and going over the ones I liked. Tracy had chosen our holiday destination and there were a lot of optional extras, so I was looking into what I was going to have done, she had told me to go wild. I also had to find out what different martial arts would be available without too much travel.
Tracy was a Forex trader and to understand how she traded, I first had to be conversant with the terminology. As homework, I had to do a course online called Babypips and the School of Pipsology. I would usually be stuck in that when Tracy returned home to pick me up for lunch.
Steph wanted to join in by playing the keyboard with my singing, so depending on her schedule, we would meet up, most afternoons. We were going to do 4 songs, but we were practicing a few others as well. When Tracy had a break, I managed to mention to Steph that I was also going to do Happy and the girls were going to dance. She wanted to be a part of it, so she was going to practice separately so she could join in as well.
When we went out to dinner, sometimes Steph would join us. She was trying to convince a few of her friends from Uni to join us on Sunday. Spending time with Steph and Tracy was really heart-warming. It was beginning to feel like a real family. We called each other sis and Tracy was mum. I had never experienced anything like it. During the evening I would quite often have a chat with Sam and catch up with the goings on at the house. Friends and a family, can life get any better than that.
The weather on Saturday was wet for our travel back to the campfire mooring site, but the forecast was good for Sunday. Martha had decided to change things a bit for this campfire. There was going to be an entertainment area set aside, so more people would be able to see. Saturday evening Jason came round to visit. Apparently, he had been trying to get in contact all week, but we had disappeared from our mooring. I had to explain that I was staying with Tracy and Lucy only had the one bedroom, so during the week, we were staying at a 2 bed flat.
He had written a song for me. He was hoping that I would sing it. He was so excited as he gave me his notes.
“Shall I sing it first?”
“That would be great.” Its title was 'Young love.' It was a story of a beautiful girl falling instantly in love with a boy playing a guitar. She then acts like a crazy stalker to get his attention. It was a good song. Well crafted, good melody. That didn't change the fact that I had zero connection to it and he was acting like an overeager puppy who could be crushed by the slightest criticism. What the hell was I going to say? Do you come up with a plausible lie, make an excuse or give it to him straight. I am crap at lying, so my choices were reduced to sing it anyway just to please him or be brutally honest with him. If I sang it, would he think I was like the girl in the song?
“Er...Jason. First of all, I have been preparing all week to sing 4 or possibly 5 songs, accompanied by keyboard and violin so ….”
“Oh. OK, that makes sense. That's actually why I was trying to talk to you earlier. I was also hoping to add my guitar to your songs as well.”
“I have a mobile now, so we can keep in contact a bit easier. The other thing is kinda embarrassing to admit. Well, er..., I guess I just have to say it. I've never been in love.”
“Oh, OH.”
“It is a good song. It is a great song.”
“But”
I smiled sadly. “But, until I have experienced those kind of emotions I just couldn't do it justice.”
He left with the kicked puppy expression I had been dreading.
Tracy had tried to give us space, but on Lucy, there really isn't any privacy, so she had heard everything.
“How do you think I handled it?”
“Not bad. Not sure it was a good idea to tell him you are a virgin.”
“I didn't say that!” I was shocked.
“You, sort of, heavily implied it.”
“Oh shit.”
“Language young lady.”
“I think a bit of profanity was essential to properly express myself.”
She chuckled. “Maybe, but you may have destroyed one fantasy and created another for him. You have also given him a challenge. Giving him your phone number may not be the best plan.”
“What do you think about him joining our songs with his guitar.”
“I don't have a problem with it. We will ask Steph later. The only thing is, you will probably have to do more songs, otherwise the entertainment section will be significantly shortened. I have known Jason for awhile, he seems a nice kid, and the rumour is, has been very successful with the ladies, if you know what I mean. Your not being interested, he might suspect is playing hard to get.”
“That sounds like a catch 22. How am I supposed to convince him I really am not interested.”
“You have a couple of options. You could channel your inner bitch, if she exists. Or show obvious interest in someone else. On the other hand, he might parade someone else in front of you, as a way to make you jealous.”
I put my head in my hands. “This sounds way too complicated.”
Tracy patted me on my back. “The normal social complications of being an attractive, talented teenage girl.”
Chapter 17
The campfire was set up very similarly to last time but this time there was an area which was marked off with 4 logs that was going to be the entertainers stage. I followed Tracy around like last time and helped where I could. A lot more people wanted to talk to me, but I was still feeling shy and couldn't help keeping my answers short. Then Ellie came up to me and took me off to show me her new act. She was going to try using 3 hula hoops, one on each arm as well as the usual one. Let's face it, she was only 5, it looked really cute, but not that successful. She was a little chatterbox, telling me all about her day. Her parents decided that I needed rescuing and convinced her to let me go with the promise that she would see me again, but probably best left until after I had finished singing.
Martha arrived with Sam, Amy, Sarah and Harriet. None of the pack in sight. I helped them bring the food and we had a whispered conversation to arrange when we would perform. I was feeling nervous and wanted to go for it early. After the kids had finished and the jugglers I would try and be next. We would sing 4 songs then give them the nod to approach.
Sam was acting very nervous around me, so when I had the chance, I took her aside and quizzed her.
“Have I done something to upset you?”
“No, its nothing, I'm fine.”
“Come on Sam. We are friends aren't we?”
“Yes. Of course we are.”
“If we are friends, we have to be honest with each other.”
“Well, if we are going to be honest, I have to say, your bum looks really big in those jeans.”
I just looked at her with raised eyebrows.
“It's a nice bum though. Alright, alright. I'll tell you. Can I ask you a question first?”
“Sure.”
“Who have you come out to?”
“I've definitely told Tracy. I think Steph knows as well.”
“So its not the reason you went street?”
My mind flashed back to the shower and the men around me and that thing in front of my face. “No, that was something else.” I don't know what was on my face, but I don't think it hides much.
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” She hugged me. “I won't bring that up again. I came out to my parents about 6 months ago. No one took it well. All my family is pretty religious and they tried to punish it out of me, like it was a choice. Like I would chose it.” It was my turn to comfort her.
“The only thing that bugged me when you told me was the implication that there was something wrong with it. You are who you are. If you want to bring God into it, surely he made you the way you are for a reason.”
“I'm sorry, its just that I keep expecting you to... I don't know.....reject me somehow.”
“Err...you are an attractive girl, but I'm not looking for a relationship just now. Will that do?”
She laughed. Kissed me on the cheek. “Thank you.” She then looked a bit more serious with a twinkle in her eye. “When you are ready, let me know.”
I felt a little shiver go through me. The song I'll stand by you by the Pretenders came to mind. That would be a great song to sing for her.
I saw Steph arrive bringing a few friends. They brought a few pizzas to add to the food table. One of them, Maria, was doing some kind of media studies and asked permission to record us. None of us minded, so she disappeared to get more permissions before it all started. It wasn't long before the bell rang and the call “food is ready” rang out.
I didn't eat too much, I was getting nervous. There was lots of laughter and fun around me as everyone relaxed and enjoyed themselves. We were heading towards the middle of November and with clouds overhead the darkness came on quite quickly. There is something comforting and mesmerising in the dance of the flames. I allowed them to settle me somewhat as we waited for everyone to finish their food and the entertainment to start. Again it kicked off with the kids. Ellie was so cute, but her routine was a bit of a disaster. Although there was lots of applause, I could see that she was disappointed, so I shook off my nerves to go up to her and comfort her. She ran to her parents to drop off the hoops and then ran back to stay with me, sitting on my lap as we watched the rest. The jugglers upped their game and used these mini torches that they lit dramatically from the campfire before starting. Jason was nowhere to be seen, so I was hoping to start after they had finished.
I led Ellie, holding her hand, back to her parents while Steph set up her keyboard in the stage area and Tracy got out her fiddle. Her friend Maria set up her camera on a tripod in front of us. I set myself behind Tracy and Steph in a chair. We had decided to start with Songbird again. This was mainly to help me settle. So I closed my eyes and found my zone. Steph and Tracy started and I slipped in as we had practised. It was getting easier and more comfortable stepping into my connection to the song and releasing it. I could feel the tears tracking down my face as I thought of my father. When I finished, with only a mild pause we headed into Oh Daddy. I loved the work Tracy and Steph were doing to really add depth to the song. After I had finished singing, Tracy did a really soulful violin solo. We followed that with Almaz which started with a Steph intro. It's a very wistful song very suited to piano accompaniment, but just the little touches of violin added an extra dimension. When that finished I opened my eyes and stood up. I think everyone thought we had finished as they started applauding.
We waited for the noise to die down then Steph started the intro to Fight Song and the crowd quietened. I have been fighting all my life and I have always been outnumbered and outweighed. I loved the lyrics emphasising small actions with big results. But this was what I would call an external song. The previous songs were from my emotions within and this song was me shouting defiance to the world, so I had to look it in the eye and declare it. To be honest, I wasn't sure I could do it. I was not use to attention from lots of people. I had lived my life trying to be invisible. And when I caught someone's notice there would usually be a nasty confrontation. But right then and there, I was in my comfort zone, I had friendly people around me and I let it out. My anger, my defiance, my willingness to fight, to stand up for myself to not be a doormat. It poured out of me in a cathartic way. When I finished, I actually felt better.
We had lots of claps and cheers again and Tracy got ready to leave. I put my hand on her shoulder to try and indicate 'not yet'. She looked at me with a question in her eyes, but I couldn't say anything until the noise settled. When it did I said to her in a loud voice, so everyone could hear “I have one more song to sing tonight and I am dedicating it to you and how you make me feel. I then waved to the girls who approached us and then turned around to face the audience in a diamond formation. Now Steph, the girls and I, had all practised the song Happy separately, so it had a potential for disaster. All I can say is, it was awesome. I couldn't really see the girls dancing, not until later anyway, when we could watch Maria's video recording, but singing it to Tracy who was crying, hopefully happy tears, was just joyous. Before we got to the end I could see Ellie and her parents dancing along with quite a few others. We had to sing it again to give enough time for dancing.
Chapter 18
It was such a buzz. You couldn't wipe the smile off Tracy's face. I hugged all the girls. Amy was practically tripping she was so excited. We all migrated back to the area we had staked out earlier. I sat in a camp chair with Ellie on my lap and we all discussed what we were going to do next week. Amy wanted to do it again, but also wanted me to sing another dance song so that they could do another routine. She seemed so different from the girl I met at the house. I guess when you spark someone's passion you can really bring them to life. Ellie was a bit more awake than last week and wanted to get in on the dancing and jumped off my lap so that Amy could show her some moves. She begged Amy to join in the dancing next week, and then when Amy said it was up to her parents, she raced off to find them. Amy went off to get Martha, then they all had a group huddle to make some plans.
I did say that Tracy had promised me a holiday and we were waiting for the right deal to turn up, but were pretty sure we would be here next Sunday, weather permitting. We were able to look at Maria's recording on her camera. It was only a tiny screen but I could see the girls had done themselves proud. She told us she was going to upload it all to her youtube channel, so we could all have a look at it later.
When there was a bit of quiet Steph crouched down to speak softly to me and Tracy who were sitting in chairs. “I have a bit of gossip for you. I'm not sure you are aware,” she said with a smile, “I have a step-brother called Laurence.” I shook my head, pretending surprise. “Apparently he ran away from school. A detective came to visit me Friday. They said it was a long shot, but they have no idea where he is, so were checking with anyone who had had contact with him. They are investigating the school with the suspicion of foul play. There were reports that he had been sexually assaulted. Another 2 children have come forward suggesting they had suffered similarly and a boy has been arrested. There was a picture of Laurence on crimestoppers. He looked like when I last saw him. He had this funny looking nose.”
“I hope it all turns out OK.” I said
“I hope his mother is coping alright.” Tracy said.
“I spoke to dad on Wednesday and he didn't mention anything, so I have no idea.”
I think the only thing making Tracy uncomfortable was that my mother would not know what happened to Laurence. I really didn't think it would be a good idea to interfere any further. Anything we did would entail some risk. Then again, maybe I was being selfish. Some risk, carefully managed, might be worth it when weighed against Tracy's peace of mind. I decided we would have a brain storming session when we got back to the flat. Maybe a letter, with my fingerprints or some blood or other DNA could be sent. We would be very careful as to what we wrote to not give any clues. I didn't have to prove anything, so I could tell the truth, tell about my assault and that Nathan had implied he had put a contract out on me. Tracy would probably want me to put something about how I was happy, or some such. We just had to make sure it could never be traced back to me.
As everything started winding down and people began to leave, Amy approached me, trying to get me to commit to another dance song. I suggested Fighter and Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves. Then I suggested that Amy freestyle it on her own for the slower songs. The idea took a few seconds to ignite, but when she left a few minutes later there was definitely a fire burning. We retired to Lucy tired but exhilarated.
The next morning we made the slow journey back to the flat. We had lunch, then went to 23 together. I went on the community laptop while Tracy spent a couple of hours in the office. Then we returned home. We had a lovely surprise waiting for us. In the post box was the confirmation, my name was now Sophie Hastings. We immediately started the application for a passport and paid extra for it to be rushed. My photo looked terrible, but, at least it looked nothing like Laurence. We had a few hoops to jump through, but there are always ways and means.
I discussed the idea of a letter sent to my mother with my fingerprints on it and Tracy loved the idea. I wrote the letter with a factual account of my assault and the threat by Nathan. I didn't mention the attack in town or anything else other than I was alive and well. I also added as much as I could remember of my conversation with the headmaster. I don't think I was treated very well and this was my chance to let that out. I was tempted to end it with Regards or Kind Regards or Yours sincerely. I am not sure that my mother loves me. That is a really sad thing to say. I think the most important job any parent can do is let the child know they are loved unconditionally. My mother had definitely failed in that, but that didn't mean I didn't care for her. I ended it Love Laurence.
The next question was where to send it from. It had to be me posting it. I didn't want any other fingerprints before it went in the box. Tracy being Tracy, we made a day of it. She managed to get us tickets to Les Miserables and a stay at Hotel du Vin in Wimbledon. We drove into greater London and randomly drove down residential houses until we located a post box. I dropped it in and then we travelled to Wimbledon. We had invited Steph to join us but she had too much work going on. She still managed to find time to take me shopping for a dress. We also managed to fit in 3 practice sessions for the next campfire.
Provided there were no issues with getting the passport issued, we should receive it within the week, so this would be our last campfire for a while. We figured we might as well stay in Thailand for Christmas and New Year. Steph had some commitments with her father, so she was going to join us, flying out on boxing day. Tracy had plans to get me a whole new wardrobe whilst we were there.
Les Mis was amazing. The singing, the songs, so powerful. It was the first time I had seen it and I loved it. We had a wonderful meal in the Hotel Du Vin before we left. Since I was theoretically 18, I was allowed to have wine, but I knew that I was really 16 so it wouldn't be wise to have much. I made a deal with Tracy to have a few sips of hers to get the experience of matching wine with food. It amused me to see her wine glass with 2 sets of lipstick on it, with an almost naughty feeling that I was providing one of them.
Chapter 19
We had a leisurely morning, a late breakfast and drove home. Organised Lucy and meandered back to our campsite mooring. The weather was behaving itself. 3 campfire Sundays in a row was practically unheard of at this time of year, or so Tracy was telling me. We had 6 songs lined up. Jason hadn't contacted me and I hadn't seen him at the last campfire, so I was less worried about him. Amy was going to do a solo dance when we started with Songbird and then a routine with the girls for Happy and Walking on Sunshine.
Ellie had been having dance lessons with Amy all week and would be part of the routines. That had really kicked off. A lot of Ellie's school friends wanted to join in and Martha was trying to organise a location outside 23 for that to happen. We had been warned that the crowd might be bigger today. Besides Ellie's friends and their parents, Maria, the media student, was getting the Media Club involved. Her youtube hits were through the roof and she wanted to do a better recording this time. Discussing it with the president of the Oxford Media Club, resulted in the loan of some pretty decent AV equipment and some members wanted to come, help set up and see the show. On the comments under the youtube video, a number of people wanted to come and the location had been revealed.
Martha was the unofficial organiser and was worried about the possible numbers and the implications. There were no official toilets for example. Most of the attendee's were from the nearby houseboats and had a 100m walk at most to get back to their boat with its facilities. If you invited someone, you were expected to look after them and organise their contribution. Martha and any girls she brought were allowed to use Lucy, if they needed to. If people just turned up, well, you didn't let strangers into your home willy nilly. If the contribution system failed, there would not be enough food to go round or drink.
Tracy suggested if that were to happen, you order pizza delivered to the car park and charge per slice. The BBQ guys could charge for burgers or sausages. If the guy who brought the drinks, brought extra, proper full cans, he could sell them at a profit. Ideally, if a profit was made from the food and drink, it could subsidise the cost of hiring a portaloo. A bit of research was done and a portable toilet that charged for each visit was found. There was a cost involved, but if enough people spent a penny, so to speak, it would pay for itself.
I suggested that if there were enough people, the locals could hire out chairs and blankets, possibly even torches. Someone suggested (alright, it was me) selling sparklers, but there was a worry about the fire hazard. The alternative of luminous bands was thought a better choice.
Martha had insisted on a strict no alcohol policy. This was after a couple of incidents of unruly behaviour. Initially, this was met with fierce opposition. Martha managed to convince everyone to give it a try and see if they enjoyed themselves. I think people were surprised that they could enjoy themselves just as much without it. If people just turned up, what was to stop them from drinking and then, how would you police them. Tracy suggested putting signs up that looked as official as possible. The chances are, people wouldn't question it. Martha was going to talk to Brian. He was a 6 foot 4 inch labourer who made sure there was enough collected dead wood for the fire. If he caught anyone drinking and pointed out the signs, he could confiscate it. She didn't think anyone would argue with him.
The campsite was a pretty big area and we usually only used a small area of it, so it definitely had room to expand, but, we didn't use microphones and speakers. Would everyone be able to hear? Maria said that was not a problem, they would provide that. Power was an issue, however, a few of the houseboat owners had generators, which they could lend us.
The difficulty was working out if this extra effort was worthwhile. Until the night in question, no one was going to know how many people were going to turn up. When the youtube video reached over 20,000 hits in less than a week the consensus was that it was definitely worth it. Sketched out plans were put into place.
The worry of losing their enjoyable evening was transformed into the excitement of engaging in a money making scheme. Still, there were some who were resentful over their campfire being taken over by others. There were also a few of the locals who did not want to do their entertainment in front of a large crowd. Martha came up with a great solution. We would do a smaller campfire on the Saturday evening at which I was forbidden to sing, just in case. No one but us locals would be invited. Martha would have to miss that one, so we were going to have to provide our own food, but otherwise it would be the same.
It was an enjoyable evening. I loved being able to relax and not worry about performing later. Ellie showed me some of her dance moves, chatted a mile a minute, seemed full of energy until, quite suddenly, she wasn't, and fell asleep on my lap again. I know some people are not that fond of change and I had, inadvertently, brought that. I didn't notice any hard feelings though. Perhaps it is hard to hold on to anger towards a teenage girl sitting down with a 5 year old girl asleep on her lap.
Chapter 20
The following day dawned crisp and cold with beautiful sunshine. Steph managed to join us for our Sunday Carvery at the local pub. We then managed a bit of a rehearsal and a nice relax, before Steph borrowed Tracy's car to pick up some friends from Uni. We wondered onto the campsite a bit earlier than usual. Already it was getting busy. Martha was already there with the girls. The pack was there too, but they kept their distance.
Jason was with a tall blonde girl and he visited us, ostensibly to work out who was going to perform 1st, but really to show off this beautiful girl on his arm. Tracy had suggested that he might do something like this to get me jealous. I did not have a good enough handle on the social cues to work out if that was what this was. Regardless, I was chuckling inside as I was more attracted to her than him.
He was going to be singing his own songs again and she was going to sing the one he had shown me earlier. Since we had dancers organised, we thought it would be better if he went first. I think he wanted a different response, but I had no idea what it was, and he couldn't provide a decent reason to go with a different order.
When we went to say hello to Martha and the girls, she presented us both with luminous bracelets made from loom bands. These were to distinguish locals from non locals. That way we didn't have to pay for the food or drinks. They had also roped off an area near the stage area for us as well.
Maria and her friends turned up early as well and started setting everything up. There were 3 microphones on adjustable stands and speakers setup either side of the stage. They also set up some lights. One of the criticisms with the youtube video was that the image was too dark. Not really surprising considering the only lighting was the campfire and torches. They apologised, would you believe it, because they could only bring equipment that would run off the available electrical supply, which was 2 generators. They did have a sizeable video camera that they set up in front. They pulled me forwards to test it out for them. I guess I am getting more comfortable in front of crowds, I didn't even have to close my eyes.
More and more people were arriving. We went up to eat as soon as possible to try and avoid the crowd. Even then, we had to wait awhile. Martha had done an amazing job, but until you actually run something like this, there are always going to be things that you miss. And if you are only guessing on the numbers, everything becomes more difficult. We were used to having 30 people at the campfire. 40 would have been a really busy one. I would guess there were over 200 people and more were arriving.
The car park was overrun and people were parking all over the place. The 2 toilets that had been hired was never going to be enough. There weren't enough volunteers who were selling the food. The food stocks went quickly and pizza had to be ordered. They had to request it be delivered by motorbike so that they could get in the car park.
I will say this for the houseboaters, they pulled together fantastically. Tracy, Steph, some of her friends from Uni and I helped with the food distribution and money taking. Some houseboat owners would lead small groups of people from the queues to the toilets, back to their boats.
After a mad rush, everything started to settle. Less people were interested in food and drink, and the queues to the toilets became more manageable. Would you believe it, as I was still serving food a small crew from the BBC set up to record. I overheard them telling someone that it may never be aired, it just depended on a slow news day. We managed to escape the food station as Jason was setting up with Ashley. I enjoyed his performance, he sang only his own songs, and although his voice was not the best, I felt his lyrics and melody were good. Ashley had a better voice and sang Young Love beautifully. I applauded as did most of us locals, the rest gave a polite clap, but hadn't really stopped talking amongst themselves.
Then it was our turn. As we started setting up the crowd started quietening. I guess, after having watched the youtube video, this is what they came for. Now that I was here, I was starting to become nervous. I had been so busy up to this point, my nerves hadn't had a chance to catch up to me. So I sat down and closed my eyes. I could sense someone move the microphone down to my height and I heard Tracy call out for Amy. Mainly though I was just trying to find my zone. I took some deep breaths and even before Tracy and Steph started, I was ready.
They started with the longer intro we had discussed to use, if they thought I needed extra time. I didn't, but they didn't know that. In my mind I sang Songbird to my father. This time I imagined Amy dancing in the background. My tears started flowing. I'm not sure I will ever be able to sing that song without them. As we came to the end I opened my eyes. In front of me Amy was lying on the ground in her final pose. After a brief pause and before we could start our next song there was really loud cheering. Amy looked up. Our eyes met and we both grinned hugely. This was life.
Chapter 21
I watched Amy as she went to join her friends. I caught Sam's eye and pointed to her. I hope she would get what I meant. Steph started the intro for I'll stand by you by the Pretenders. I love songs that I can feel connected to, that have meaning to me personally. I felt that Sam had never had anyone who had stood by her. When she had revealed who she was, people had turned away, so much so that I don't think Sam believed in herself any more. Didn't value herself. I wanted her to know that I had faith in her beautiful soul. I didn't know if we would ever be more than friends, but, like the song says, I've seen the dark side, so I knew some of what she was dealing with and still believed in myself and her. I couldn't keep eye contact with her, she was off to the side and it was just too awkward, but I sang it to her and for her.
Again the crowd went wild. It was a heady feeling, but a bit overwhelming. Fortunately the next song was an internal one and much more sedate. I sat down again and closed my eyes and sang Fields of Gold. Such bittersweet memories. I believe those that love you, never really leave you, you just can't see them any more. When I sing Songbird and Fields of Gold I can almost, or at least I imagine I can, feel my father close by.
Once the audience was quiet again I stood up and started the more up tempo songs that we had prepared. Fight Song. I may be small, but I will stand up for myself. You can knock me down, but I will get right back up again. And small actions can have big consequences. It was such a release to get that angst out of me.
Then we waved the girls on and they set themselves up in front of us. I didn't see this until I could watch the video later, but they set up a diamond formation again. Ellie was in the middle. About halfway through me singing Happy, Ellie came through to the front shaking her hands in the air, did a few moves and then retreated behind the girls again. I think the audience was going to die from a sugar overload, it was so cute. Finally I sang Walking on Sunshine. Both of those songs reflected how I was feeling at the moment. It felt good to let the world know and share it with them and my family, Tracy and Steph.
It was over. I had enjoyed myself so much. Yes, I had been quite nervous, but being in front of such a large crowd and hearing their appreciation as you let your emotions out through song. Well, there were not words to describe it. Awesome. Wicked awesome. Wicked amazing awesome. Nope the words were not enough.
Tracy took the microphone and thanked everyone for coming and the locals for their help. She tried not to miss anyone. When she thought she had covered all her bases, a little voice piped up, just close enough to be picked up by the microphone. “What about me?” Ellie asked. So we especially thanked the dancers and Ellie in particular. She tried to make it quite clear that the next time we would be here was the 1st Sunday in January, weather permitting. I don't think she wanted to leave Martha with a huge crowd next Sunday and no one to sing to them.
There was a group of 6 or 7 girls Ellie's age or thereabouts who were talking animatedly with Ellie and the parents of those kids all gathered in a group as well. Hopefully that meant Amy would have some more students. Amy was talking to them with Martha as well. Sam, Harriet and Sarah came over to me. The BBC team were interviewing Steph and she was gesturing for me to come over.
She introduced me as Sophie Hastings to the camera then turned to me. “So Sophie, how long have you been singing?”
“Err...I think it is 3 weeks now.”
“You have been campfire singing for the past 3 weeks, and before that?”
“Err...I used to sing to myself in the bathroom.” I didn't think I could mention singing to my father. I didn't have a lot of information about Abigail. I know she lost her parents at 14 but not how they died or anything really. I was going to have to be vague.
“No formal lessons?”
“No.” I hoped that was the right answer.
“Well, I have to say you have great talent. How do you get so emotionally involved with your songs?”
“I think about my past and connect to the emotions I was feeling then.”
“Could you tell us a bit about that? I understand you used to live on the street.”
“Who told you that?”
“One of your friends at the shelter. I think it is wonderful how great talent can raise anyone above their circumstances. Can you tell us a bit about your life on the street?”
I wonder what else the pack has been saying about me. I had only been living on the street for one day, not even one night. I wasn't going to pretend to knowledge I didn't have. “Err...I have been much more fortunate than many. I found the shelter and more importantly I found Tracy.”
“Who is Tracy? And how did you find her?”
What was this, the inquisition. Nobody expects the inquisition. “Tracy in my adopted mum. Steph introduced us. I'm sorry, I am feeling really tired.” I turned away from the presenter to look into the camera. “Thanks for listening.” With that I made my escape.
The presenter interviewed lots of people, apparently, at random. How much, if anything, was going to be shown was anyone's guess. The girls were thrilled that the BBC had recorded them.
Chapter 22.
Sam was really appreciative of the song and gave a really long cuddle as a thank you. Harriet wanted to do more to help. Although she was enjoying the dancing her main area of expertise was computing. We discussed setting up a website and a youtube account or even selling the videos, but there were a lot of expenses and legal stuff. We all knew you had to pay somebody if you were going to sing their songs and make money from it. More research was going to be required. In the meantime, Harriet suggested setting up a facebook account giving links to the videos and create a following that could be informed later, depending on what was possible to set up. She was happy to do it and loved being involved in something both fun and rewarding.
It was getting late, so after our goodbyes we retreated to Lucy for a good night's sleep. The next morning, after our Tai Chi and breakfast we returned to the campsite to see if we needed to help with the clean up. It is surprising how much mess that is created when you get large groups of people together. We stayed cleaning up until nearly lunch time so had another pub lunch and then navigated Lucy back to our home. Tracy disappeared to do some work at 23 and I was left to my usual research and work.
Tracy booked our flights for Friday. The passport hadn't arrived yet but was due any day and she said that she could cancel easily if it hadn't arrived by Wednesday post. We had fun going over our trip. We scheduled the surgery for a week after we had arrived. Most of the rest of the trip was going to have to be of a relaxing nature as I had major surgery to recover from, but it was still fun to look at the different options and chose some fantastic locations. We decided, as we were there for almost 5 weeks, that we would swap hotels halfway through to enjoy two beautiful resorts.
We talked about the extras that I could have and what we decided was that further facial surgery was not required. We wanted me to look significantly different to Laurence, but I already did. The unintended nose and cheek job, along with the fact that nobody had seen the results due to me wearing a mask, had made all the difference. I was going to have hair extensions and dye it all dark brown to keep the contrast to my natural blonde. I wanted permanent hair removal, except for my groin. One of the more debated options was permanent make up. I have never really applied it myself and girls my age are expected to be proficient. I could learn, of course, but I didn't really have an interest in it. It also took my look further away from Laurence's, so I decided to go for it. There was a beauty consultant who would help us decide colours. I didn't need a boob job, even if they stopped where they were, which was the bigger end of B cup, considering my small size, I felt comfortable with what I had. In fact, I was hoping they would stop growing.
Tuesday morning and my passport arrived. I knew stealing someone's identity had its risks. Receiving the passport made me feel like we had overcome a huge hurdle and there was nothing stopping me from living my life. That evening I did get a frisson of fear though. Tracy and I don't normally watch a lot of TV. Martha phoned earlier and had found out somehow that there was a chance the BBC would show the Sunday Campfire. It was only a 5 minute clip that, I have to say, did show us in a good light. The singing was good and the dancing, excellent. I guess there was enough interest that someone had researched me and at one point mentioned that I had previously gone by the name Abigail Faulkner. Chances were, telling the world the name of the person whose identity I had stolen, wouldn't matter, but it raised the level of risk considerably. I was glad that in only a few more days we would be out of the public eye and in Thailand.
There were no immediate consequences, so we were hoping we had gotten away with it. The days before we left had a higher level of stress. Every time the phone rang, or Tracy spoke to Martha, I was checking her face to see if there was anything wrong. The more time that passed with no one after us, the less stress I felt. I did have stress of a different kind on Thursday.
Steph had been told that my mother, Gale, was going to appear on TV to request my safe return. I guess they had got my letter, verified it was me and now were trying to find me. I have seen a few of these before. Distraught parents begging, with tears in their eyes for the safe return of their loved ones. Truthfully, I was more worried about Tracy's reaction. If my mother pulled off a good performance, and after experiencing 16 years of her care I figured she would need to be a fantastic actress to do that, then Tracy would continually feel guilty for taking me away from her. I couldn't make Tracy unhappy, so I would have to do something and I had no idea what I should do.
I was working myself up into quite a tizz and it was all for nothing. The time arrived, my mother addressed the nation and asked politely for my safe return. She used all the right words, but there was no emotion visible. No tears, no sobs. Maybe, if I was being generous, there was a bit of upset. They couldn't do a recreation of the scene, as they had no idea how I had disappeared. The picture of me, looked nothing like I did now. If anything, I felt better after watching it. I think we are all born with a belief that our parents love us. It really doesn't take much to keep that going. The occasional smile, hug, words of encouragement. A bit of emotion on their face, saying, yes, we love you. Despite not really getting any of that from Gale, I think a small part of me was feeling a bit guilty for abandoning her. She hadn't had an easy life, growing up an orphan and probably feeling abandoned by her parents, for me to do the same seemed a bit cruel. After watching her, my guilt, faded away. If she cared at all, it was so deep, I was never going to find it. She had her life to lead and I had mine.
Chapter 23
Friday finally arrived and we were off. I had been to Spain a few times, Cattle Class, of course. This the first time I was travelling long haul and Business Class to boot. Business Class is so much better than economy, I think I actually enjoyed the longer flight. It wasn't about getting where you wanted to go, this was travelling in style. I was pampered by the staff, and was able to lie my chair almost flat. I am not that big to begin with, so covered with 3 supplied blankets, I had a wonderful sleep. The surgery was scheduled for the following Friday. We figured we would do the active stuff before. After my SRS I probably would not be up to much.
We initially stayed at the Anantara Riverside Bangkok Resort. It was a beautiful hotel, better than anything I had been in before. Tracy was an avid user of Tripadvisor and was more interested in other people's reviews than the price of the stay and this hotel had scored highly. It was slightly away from the busiest areas but provided a ferry up the river to a more central location. The ferry ride itself was a peaceful experience. They also provided a sunset cruise with dinner, which we tried another night and it was glorious. The hotel also provided a night time entertainment of Thai dancers along with a buffet.
Most of the time, however, we spent sightseeing. Lots of Temples and the Royal Palace. My favourite was the day trip to Ayutthaya. All that is left of a once great city is temple remains, some of which was desecrated when the city was destroyed. And yet, there is a weight of history to the place. It was eerie, but not in a nasty way. I felt a sadness, a disappointment, a peacefulness. It really made an impression. Something pictures could never convey.
The time passed quickly and there was so much to do, I didn't think too much about what was coming. It would pop up in my mind, to be forgotten when another distraction focussed my mind elsewhere. Then all of a sudden we were packing to fly to Koh Samui, where the Hospital and our next resort was located. The hospital was part hospital and part resort, so that you could have your surgery and recovery in the same place.
We were booked in for a week and then were moving to another hotel on the island. I would then return once per week for a check up and more hair removal, as I had chosen some permanent hair removal as an optional extra. It wasn't just for SRS. All kinds of cosmetic surgery, done in secrecy, by truly expert doctors with amazing after service. They were also pioneering new techniques that were cutting edge. Mine was a fairly standard SRS. Dilation was still necessary but less frequent and for less time than the original versions.
It was a painful week. The operation was a success, but sometimes it didn't feel that way. I had to keep my mind on the end goal. Knowing the pain was temporary, it was all going to get better. Having Tracy there was a godsend. How anyone could go through that alone was beyond me. By the end of the week the pain was much more manageable and only really noticeable with certain movements. Dilation was still a chore, not pleasant in any way. Since it mimics a sexual act, I was sort of hoping that it would become more pleasant as time went by. Maybe a lot of time would need to go by for that to be the case. I left my newly formed clitoris alone to heal. As it began to heal, I have to admit I liked the sleek look of it all. For as long as I can remember I have been attracted to women, so it didn't surprise me too much that I liked how I now looked. I left the hospital with a letter from the doctor saying that I had a vaginal hysterectomy, to explain my lack of cervix to a gynaecologist. It was also recommended that I take the pill. My body naturally produced high levels of female hormones. But that was for a man. For a woman, I was on low normal, so a top up was suggested.
We moved on to our final destination. The Tongsai Bay Resort. We had this wonderful room with a balcony overlooking the sea and a big bath, which somehow was still private. We were supplied with flowers to add to our bath along with beautifully scented bath salts. We were taken to our room on a golf buggy. The resort was hilly and built without cutting down any major trees, working with the existing environment. We could walk to the pool and sea or restaurants, or we could call for the golf buggy and were encouraged to do so. When we went down to the pool, rather than choosing a sun bed, we chose where we wanted to be and they brought the sun bed to us, put 2 towels carefully to completely cover the luxurious cushion and a 3rd towel to dry ourselves after getting wet. If that didn't blow my mind enough with the level of service they then left us with a flag. I was wondering what on earth I needed a flag for so I asked. You want a drink or food, just wave the flag and someone will come out to you. Unbelievable.
Steph wasn't joining us until the 26th December and by the time she arrived I was mostly better. Not that I did much. I swam everyday and slowly built up the number of reps. Tracy and I did our Tai Chi forms and I went through my Aikido kata's. For Chirstmas presents we went shopping. Tracy hired a consultant who flew in from Bangkok and I tried on so many different clothes and insisted that Tracy did the same. In the end, we both had great fun. Laughing at some of the choices that were so wrong for us and getting excited when something just worked. My hair extensions were done almost straight away along with my ear piercings when we first arrived in Bangkok, so my ears were mostly healed now and gave Tracy the opportunity, as she called it, to buy me some decent jewellery. There were a few times the amount of money she was spending on me did get to me, but I tried my best not to let Tracy know and just enjoy it. She was clearly having a ball spending it, so I didn't want to diminish her fun. Having Steph join us, just gave us more chances. Steph was a lot more hesitant, but I took her aside and asked her to let it go and watch carefully how much fun Tracy was having. I think she got it, because if it bothered her again, she hid it well.
Chapter 24
Whilst we were having a great time in Thailand, the news from England was a mixed bag. On the positive side, our facebook page was doing amazing and after the BBC clip the youtube videos were approaching a million hits. Unfortunately, that clip, highlighted the Campfire event and the council was not happy. Apparently, we broke loads of regulations, mainly about fire and safety. Martha looked into what we would have to do to conform and it just was not feasible. An agent had come forward with links with a possible record deal and arranging an alternative site. How real that all was we would have to find out on our return. The normal campfire was still happening, but the weather had caused a few to be cancelled.
We returned all tanned up and looking great. Well, at least I thought so. I felt fantastic too. I was young and fit, healed pretty fast and could not see any evidence that I was not a genetic girl. I know there is a big moral debate over whether you tell anyone you become close to, 'the truth'. No one likes to lie, and there is always the possibility that you will slip up or the truth is revealed in some other way. I figured I had no right to judge other people for their decisions in this matter and likewise, only I could decide who to tell, if I wanted to. Considering my circumstances, telling anyone could be hazardous to my health, so I reasoned, I would have to have a very compelling reason to tell anyone. Besides, if my brain was female, to suggest in any way that I wasn't, would be the greater lie, I think. If needed, I was quite happy to tell the small lie that I had had a hysterectomy, so couldn't have children. I still wasn't interested in boys, so a relationship where that needed to be said was unlikely.
I remember reading somewhere that the introduction of female hormones could have an impact on sexual orientation. I had been subjected to female hormones for a long time now, so I considered my orientation to be fixed and very unlikely to change. I know some people can be attracted to a particular person, regardless of gender, so I wanted to try and keep an open mind. All I could truly say was that, so far, nothing male had remotely interested me in a sexual way. Because of the way I had been teased (tormented) for most of my life, on the presumption that I was gay, I had had some surprising offers. Which I was completely uninterested in. Of course, gay now meant something completely different.
From our performing point of view, the latest was that we couldn't do another campfire set. The campfire would continue, just for the locals and I was not allowed to sing, in case word got out and the council nixed the whole thing. However, Martha had given our address to a couple of interested parties and they said they would send us a letter with their contact details. We had our phones switched off while in Thailand, ostensibly, because of the cost, but really because we didn't want anyone contacting us whilst I was having surgery. It would have been hard to explain, so the easiest thing was to only be contactable by email.
We had a mountain load of bags and because the granny flat was close to the canal there was quite a distance to carry all our luggage and it took us a few trips so we completely forgot to check the postbox until we had settled all the bags and started the laundry. I went, quite excited to see if the promised letters had arrived and what opportunities that would bring for my singing. Tracy was still pottering about the flat when I told her I would go to check the post.
This is where things got a bit unclear. Most houses just have an opening into their front door, but as we were situated at the back, Tracy had put up a separate box for our mail. It was only about waist high, so I bent over to look inside and see if we had anything. We don't get much, being largely paperless, so if there was anything inside, it was likely to be the letters we were interested in. Anyway, I was bent over, completely distracted from what was going on around me peering into this box, when I felt a sudden immense pain in my side. In my self defence classes, a few of us, unfortunately, those of us with the higher belts, which included me, had the opportunity (I prefer the word misfortune) to be tasered. This was to show us, that you could be the best martial artist in the world and still be taken down by guns or, as in this case a taser. At least it meant I knew exactly what had hit me, although there was nothing I could do about it. While I was pretty much helpless, I was grabbed and shoved into a van. Something was held over my face. I tried to hold my breath. Internally I was panicking and that didn't help. I succumbed and blacked out.
Chapter 25
I woke up completely disorientated. I was lying in a strange room, naked on a big bed that had very little else in it. I was grateful to wake up at all. My last thoughts were if the contract killers had found me, I would be quietly disposed of. Waking up naked made me feel very vulnerable, nor was there anything to cover myself. There was an ensuite, but no towels. I briefly contemplated trying to use the toilet paper to cover the essentials, but realised that I would be wasting my time. It would not offer me any protection and would look ridiculous. There was a toothbrush with toothpaste and a plastic cup. If I could find a way to sharpen it, the toothbrush could be turned into some kind of weapon. Nothing presented itself though.
There was a window. There was no window covering and it was fixed. It did show me that we were in some kind of mansion and 2 stories up. The whole set up looked pretty isolated. There was central heating and the room was kept warm. Judging by the darkening sky I guessed we were approaching evening. The other door in the room was locked. There was a largish slot at the base of it where I presumed food would be delivered.
I checked myself over. I could see two reddish marks where I had been tasered, other than that, no obvious soreness or bruises. I checked down below and couldn't detect any signs of tampering. Looking at the room, I would guess it was last decorated in the 70's. I tried to see any signs of cameras or other electrical devices. The room was so bare, they should have been visible. Having said that, I know you can get really small cameras these days.
WTF. What the hell was I supposed to do? Should I shout and holler and see what comes my way. Fight my way through who knew how many guys. Smash my window and try and climb down. I tried to find logic, shifting my fear and anger to one side. I believe everything happens for a reason and in the end works out for me. Maybe I am not here for me, maybe I am here to help someone else. Thinking of being strong for someone else was strangely easier than being strong for myself. I am a fighter, I have trained for most of my life. I am constantly underestimated. No one expects someone of my size to be capable of anything. What I really needed was more information. I couldn't reveal my capabilities too early. I may only get one chance. If information was what I needed, the universe would provide, I just had to listen. I sat on the mattress in the lotus position and meditated, trying to slow my frantic heartbeat and bring calm to my soul. Every time a negative thought intruded, I imagined placing it into a balloon and releasing it.
I don't know how long I was there before I heard footsteps approaching my door. I decided to keep quiet. I heard a tray placed on the floor before I saw it pushed through the slot. A salad. Great. Just in case, I took it through to the bathroom to rinse it in tap water before eating it. I took my time, slowly chewing and trying to enjoy my food. I was hoping that would help to make me feel full.
With nothing else to do I went back to bed and tried to sleep. I tossed and turned a lot, but must have eventually fallen asleep, because I was awakened by someone fiddling with my door lock. If someone was trying to open my door but didn't have a key, it could be an ally. I looked out the window. It was still dark, I would say, middle of the night. I got up reminded by the idea of a meeting, that I was without clothes. Since I couldn't even cover up, I decided to act proud, standing tall and not trying to cover myself with my hands and waited beside the door. After a while with a few huffs of irritation from the lock picker, I heard the tell tale click and the door was opened.
In crept a girl, a bit taller than me, so maybe 5 and a half feet, skinny with long hair. Since it was dark with only a bit of ambient light coming through the window to light the room, that was all I could see. She didn't see me until I tapped her on her shoulder and she jumped with a squeak. Then immediately put a hand over her mouth. Then she replaced her hand with a finger to mime being quiet and carefully closed the door, placing a bit of card to prevent the locking mechanism from latching and led me to the far side of the room.
“Hello.” She whispered.
“Hi, where did you get your clothes?” She wasn't wearing much, just a tank top that just covered her boobs and a pair of pants. Still, it was a lot more than I had.
“You have to earn them.”
“What?” I think my voice went up a bit.
“Shhhh. I'll tell you everything I can, you just need to be quiet. They don't usually get up at this time of night, but if we are caught....I'm not sure what they would do, but it would not be pleasant. They might decide my time is up.”
“What do you mean your time is up?”
“This place is a paedophile hotel. I'm getting to look a bit old. If no one is interested in you any more, I think they kill you and chuck you in the incinerator. They tell you that you are going to be rewarded, but I followed one girl who was unconscious being carried downstairs like a piece of meat.”
“Seriously?”
She did a deep sigh. “Sorry, I didn't want to start with the heavy stuff.”
“Let's start again. Hi I'm Sophie.” I held my hand out to shake hers.
“I know. I'm Abby. Abby Faulkner.” She shook my hand.
Previously
“This place is a paedophile hotel. I'm getting to look a bit old. If no one is interested in you any more, I think they kill you and chuck you in the incinerator. They tell you that you are going to be rewarded, but I followed one girl who was unconscious being carried downstairs like a piece of meat.”
“Seriously?”
She did a deep sigh. “Sorry, I didn't want to start with the heavy stuff.”
“Let's start again. Hi I'm Sophie.” I held my hand out to shake hers.
“I know. I'm Abby. Abby Faulkner.” She shook my hand.
Chapter 26
“Err...”
“Look, I'll tell you what I know. I saw you on the tele, they mentioned that you were previously called Abigail Faulkner. Initially, I presumed you were just someone else with the same name as me, but Marcus, that is the guy in charge of this place, he tries to only grab people with no connections, people nobody would miss. Well, he got a bit agitated, thinking that I had lied to him, then he realised that if I wasn't lying, and there were no other Abigail Faulkners, then, you must be lying to the world. I'm guessing you took my name for yourself, probably thinking that I was missing, presumed dead?”
“Err.. Yes.”
“Don't stress. I don't mind that you took my name. It's just unfortunate that it ended up with you here.”
“Where is here, by the way?”
“I have no idea. Like you, I was zapped and woke up in a bed here.”
“If you can pick locks, why haven't you escaped?”
“I would have loved to, but I couldn't figure out a way to make it work. I'm not a fantastic lock pick. I can manage a few relatively easy ones. I can't even get into the kitchen. The front door is easy enough to open, but it is alarmed. During the day, it beeps every time someone opens it and that is true for all external doors. At night it sets the alarm off. One girl managed to get that far. They tortured her in front of us, to show us not to try it again. Beccy was the one to show me how to pick locks.”
I moved forwards and hugged her. I could tell by her voice that she was struggling emotionally, and it was hard to imagine what she had been through.
“Besides, if I did get out, I'm in the middle of nowhere, not wearing any clothes.” I gave her a look. I'm not sure she could see it with the amount of light in the room, but probably noticed something. “Alright, more clothes than you, but practically naked.”
“How do I get some clothes?”
“They train us to behave. We are constantly told that we have been naughty, which is why we are here, to be punished. Things like clothes, bed sheets, a little bit of extra food, these are all rewards. They deliberately keep us hungry. Partly I think it is to keep us slim, but also to make us more compliant. That is part of the reason I am creeping about at night.”
“I was wondering about that.”
“When we have new arrivals, I try and visit, tell them that bad people are going to tell them bad things and do bad things but it is not their fault. Mostly all I can do is be a shoulder to cry on. Your case is a bit different. They normally only bring in people who will not be missed. Despite you using my name, you've got a lot of attention from the media, so I am surprised you are here.”
“Well, I don't know why. Anyway, that is not important right now. I need to know what I am facing. How many girls are there?”
“Five, including you.”
“How old are they?”
“I'm eighteen, Sally and Jo are eleven and Sasha is five.”
“Five? Seriously?” I didn't wait for her to answer, that was the same age as Ellie. “They are too young to be of any help. OK, how many guards are there?”
“At night there is only the two Neanderthals and Marcus. During the day it varies. Yesterday, after you came in all drugged up, there was a bit of conflict with another guy. He might still be here. I couldn't see what happened but I heard sounds of violence.”
“Do you know where they sleep and can you pick their locks?”
“Yes I know where they sleep. There is a guest room, so if there is an extra guy, he is probably in there. I've never tried to pick their locks, so I don't know if I can pick them. It might wake them if I try.”
“Are they all in separate rooms?”
“Yes.”
“I know I don't look like much. I've studied Aikido for 8 years. I reckon I can take them on, one on one. Do they carry any weapons?”
“I've never seen them use any. I guess they have never needed to. We have had a few girls fight, but they are so much stronger than us, they have never done more than slap us around.”
“Are the rooms close together?”
“Marcus is quite isolated. The two Neanderthals are close together and the guest room is a bit away.”
“OK, I think we can do this, the question is, Abby, do you want to go to your room and lock yourself in, or do you want to give me a hand?”
“I would love to help, but I am scared, I have no idea how to fight. I can try and scratch their eyes out.”
“I don't want you to do any fighting, leave that to me. Mostly, I would like you to pick locks. If they wake up, hopefully they will try and deal with it on their own and I can subdue them. The biggest risk with be the Neanderthals. If they both wake up, I will ask you to run away to distract one of them, but do a circuit to bring them back to me. If they catch you, don't worry, I will come after you.”
Chapter 27
“When shall we do this?”
“Now.”
“But, but, I haven't been to Sasha yet. She only arrived last week. I promised I would visit tonight.”
“When we succeed, you can.”
“Alright, alright.” She gathered herself. “Before I change my mind. Where first?”
“Marcus. You said he is the most isolated and he is also the boss. He should have the keys in his room somewhere. That should make the rest easier.”
“How is this going to happen.”
“Best case scenario. You pick his lock, he doesn't wake up. I creep into his room. If I can, I will try and punch him in his carotid sinus, in his neck. It is one of those one punch knockout things. I've never tried it because it is too dangerous, but I know how to do it, in theory, anyway.”
“What if it doesn't work?”
“If it doesn't knock him out, it should disorientate him. I'll climb behind his head and hold him in a head lock. It puts pressure on the carotid sinus and will cause him to faint fairly quickly.”
“Then what?”
“We have a couple of choices. If I held it long enough, he would die, or we can tie him up and gag him. Killing him maybe the best option. If we don't, he could always come after us again.”
“Don't get me wrong. I hate him. I hate him like you wouldn't believe, but I'm not sure I could kill him. And wouldn't that risk you getting in trouble with the law.”
I didn't know quite what to say. Anything that improved our chances of escape seemed a reasonable thing to do. If we all escaped and I kept him from hurting anyone else, the risk of the law going after me seemed minor. Maybe my moral compass needed a bit of direction, cause I had no issues with the idea of it. “How about we incapacitate him and decide later.” In my mind though, I made the decision that I wouldn't hesitate if it was necessary.
“OK. And after that?”
“If we find his keys, you could go back to your room and lock yourself back in. That would be the safest thing for you.”
“No. I will see this through to the end. Even if that just means observing. I can be the distraction if that is needed.”
“You sure?”
“No, but I will do it anyway.”
Abby was really impressing me. I have never believed courage is a lack of fear, more feeling the fear and doing the right thing anyway. First of all creeping around at night, knowing if you get caught, you might be killed, but doing it to help others, then being willing to try helping me tonight. I admit, I was scared too. But I was even more scared of doing nothing. Me taking action, was not showing courage, more desperation and necessity.
“Right then, lead the way. Are there any creaky floorboards or things to avoid.”
“A few. Just follow in my footsteps.” She said carefully opening my door and going out into the dark unknown. I followed her down some stairs, we stayed close to the wall, then along a corridor. The place must be huge, we passed at least 4 rooms before we came to a inconspicuous door.
She got out a little bobby pin and started working the lock. The atmosphere was tense. She wasn't making a lot of noise, but in the quiet of the night, every sound was worryingly loud. I stayed close to the door, trying to listen for any movement behind the door, in case he woke up. It seemed to take forever, but was probably only a couple of minutes, before there was a click. I was expecting Abby to step back and allow me to take over, but she carefully opened the door, staying flat against it to allow me to slid past her into the room.
Lying on a double bed with only a sheet covering him, was a father Christmas look alike. Marcus was probably in his late 50's or early 60's with mostly grey hair going towards silver and full beard completely white. Bit of a pot belly, lying on his side, snoring relatively quietly. Maybe all of us look pretty innocent when sleeping. I would never have guessed evil was in front of me, if I didn't know any better. Nathan and his goons didn't look evil either. There was something in Nathan's eyes though. Marcus had his eyes closed, so I had to harden my heart and trust my knowledge. I couldn't just kill him though. I had never met the man before and let's face it, besides what Abby had told me, the circumstantial evidence against him was strong. I had been kidnapped, woken up naked in a locked room. I needed to question him before I could make a final judgement and that couldn't happen until after I had subdued him and anyone else who could prevent me from leaving.
Chapter 28
I moved to his side, trying to make my steps coincide with his light snoring. I don't know if he heard me, but there was a very tense moment when he turned from his side to his back. This made my punch a lot more awkward. I mentally prepared myself. Visualised what I wanted to happen and what I would do next, which was get onto the bed behind his head and lock him up. Took a stance and punched. He sat straight up. I was not expecting that, but it did not change my plans. I jumped onto the bed behind him and head locked him with pressure on his carotid sinus. I guess he was disorientated, he weakly tried to grab my arm a couple of times before slumping. I released him a bit to stop the pressure on his neck but still held him in case he was faking. He didn't move. I could see a shape in the darkness at the end of the bed.
“Abby.” I whispered.
“Yes.” She whispered back.
“Can you switch the light on?”
I could hear a fumbling around in the dark and then there was light. “I don't know how long he is going to be out. We need to move fast. I'll stay here in case he wakes up. Can you find something to gag him and tie him up.” This was my first proper look at Abby now the lights were on. My God she looked beautiful. Big soft brown eyes on cute heart shaped face. I don't know if it was the adrenaline, the situation, or something else, but I suddenly believed in love at first sight. Or maybe lust at first sight. The chance of her being a lesbian was only about 10% and who knew what sexual traumas she had been through as evidenced by what she did next. She went straight to the second drawer down on a chest of drawers and pulled out a ball gag and pink fluffy handcuffs.
We lay him in the middle of the bed on his front. He was so heavy moving him was difficult, so mainly we just rolled him. We forced the gag in and handcuffed him with his hands behind his back. I used a pair of shoelaces to tie his feet together and attach them to the handcuffs. If he woke up before we had finished with everyone else, hopefully moving or making a sound would be difficult and painful.
We knew we had to be quick but it made sense to search his room. We both put one of his shirts on. It is surprising how much better it feels to have clothing on regardless of the temperature. There must be a psychological feeling of vulnerability when you don't have clothes on. I then had an internal debate over whether to wear a pair of his boxers. His other clothes were way to big for me. Abby was already in a pair of panties, so she was alright. We took them out of a drawer, so they should be clean, but there was definitely a feeling of disgust putting them on.
We found his keys, no weapons though. “What next?” Abby asked.
“Two choices. We go to the kitchen to find a knife or two, before going to that guest room you talked about, or go there now.”
“Do you know how to fight with a knife?”
“Most of my training was hand to hand. I know the basics. Haven't really used it or practised much with it.”
“My vote is to go straight to the guest room then.”
“You're probably right. Let's go.” We turned the light off. Waited for our eyes to adjust and left, locking the door behind us.
Abby led me back up the stairs along the corridor to another unremarkable door. There were not a lot of keys to chose from. It was probably a master key. I got Abby to stand back a bit, just in case. As quiet as you want to be, even putting a key in lock and turning it makes sound. I think, a lot depended on how light a sleeper you are. I heard Abby picking my lock. Marcus didn't hear anything. We weren't even sure if there was anyone in the guest room. It all doesn't change that the unknown, causes a fear and uncertainty. I geared myself up to face whatever was there and slowly opened the door.
What presented itself to my eyes was a bit of a puzzle. It was dark, so I couldn't see clearly. There appeared to be someone struggling on the bed, but not making much noise above a mumble. I crept closer to try and work it out. I stared at the guy handcuffed to the bed with a ball gag in. There was something about him that nagged at me, beyond the bizarre picture. Suddenly the pieces locked together, came into focus. This was the man who had attacked Laurence. I couldn't help a sharp intake of breath. He was awake and had obviously heard us opening his door and was staring right at me.
“Abby, come in and switch the light on.”
A bit of a fumble then the lights were on. “Err. What on earth.”
I decided to play the part of complete ignorance. “I haven't got a clue. I think we should leave him here. He is not in a position to get in our way. Let's move on to the Neanderthals.”
“Wait a sec. I've never seen him here before. He might be able to help us. You know the enemy of my enemy, kind of thing.”
“He could also be very dangerous. If we don't escape tonight, I'm not sure we would get another chance.”
“We need to at least talk to him.” Abby walked up beside him. “If we take the ball gag out, do you promise to keep the noise down?” She said looking him in the eyes. He nodded clearly. She looked at me. “Shut the door.”
Chapter 29
I shut the door and stayed with my back to them waiting for him to denounce me. Then realised I needed to face the music and headed towards the bed to hear what he was going to say. Abby loosened the gag and finally removed it. He didn't try to scream or shout.
“Thank you, girls. I'm a bit....angry at the moment.” I could almost hear him swallowing the curse words that were on the tip of his tongue. “If my face or words reflect that, it's not directed at you, OK.”
“OK.” We both chorused. “So, what's your story?” Abby asked.
“I'm a …. finder, I suppose you would call me.” I think finder was kinder description than contract killer. “I have been tasked with finding someone and Marcus thought he had found that someone. In fact,” he looked at me “you are supposed to be him.”
Abby snorted. “Sophie is a boy?”
“Well, obviously not. They have the same colour eyes, same height and stuff. If you ignore the nose, the face looks pretty similar. We have been putting the feelers out. Marcus told us he had found him and was waiting for him to return from holiday. I came here to pay him a finders fee. One look at you and we knew he had got it wrong. I know a girl when I see one.”
He didn't recognise me. I felt like I could breath again. He didn't recognise me.
“How did you end up like this?” Abby asked.
“They offered me a girl, she was fucking eleven! Fucking perverts!”
“Shhh, please shhhh.”
“Sorry. I have a daughter. I feel pretty …... strongly.” More swear words swallowed.
“So if we release you, will you help us?”
“Sort of. Look, I will be honest. If you release me, I'm gonna kill every motherfucking pervert in this house. It's best if you pretend you didn't see me, get the girls out and run away. I'll find you one of their phones. Give me a couple of hours then phone who you like. The police may not be the best option. Places like this sometimes have insiders. Phone someone you trust.”
“Aren't you going to need a bit of help. We think there are at least 2 more loose. Marcus is all tied up, but there are the Neanderthals.”
“Help would be great, but I don't want you involved. I don't want you to see what I do.”
“How about we lead you to the doors, give you the key, but don't go in or anything. We could really do with the alarm code.”
“Yeah, that could work. Marcus will know the code, I'll get it out of him. A knife would help.”
“No problem. We have the keys to the kitchen. You are going to have to be quiet, their rooms are next to each other.”
He snorted. “You trying to teach Grandma to suck eggs. Get me free, give me a knife and show me the right doors. Leave the rest to me.”
We got him out of his restraints. As he moved around, I could see he was already a bit battered, probably from the initial fight. He tried to pretend he was alright, but there was a bit of a limp. We sent Abby off to get the knives, she was the most experienced moving around the house. She came back with a few. He wiped them all down and chose two, one he kept in his hand and one he put in his back pocket. We then moved back down to the ground floor, down a corridor in the opposite direction to Marcus' room and to the two rooms that were occupied.
Our ally called himself John Smith. Obviously, he didn't want us to know his real name. He took the keys from us, wiped them down and carefully opened the door and rushed in. As we had promised, we stayed outside. I waited in front of the other door, just in case he made enough noise to wake up his neighbour. There was a muffled sound or two. Standing outside a different door they did not sound that loud. Just as Mr Smith was exiting his door, the door in front of me started to open. I geared myself for a fight. Mr Smith shoved me aside and slammed into the door. From the sound of it, the door hit the man on the other side. Then Mr Smith was in. I didn't leave until he came back out again. We had to be sure that we were safe. This time, when he came out, he was covered in blood. We didn't ask and he didn't say anything. We led him to Marcus' door.
Mr Smith turned to us. “I don't want you anywhere near this door. Ignore any sounds you might hear. Gather by the front door, I will get you the code and a phone. Don't forget, give me a couple of hours after you leave. I need to tidy up.”
“Could we first get a few shirts from Marcus' room, for the girls to cover up?”
He carefully opened the door and looked in. He started laughing. Motioned to us to stay there, came out a few minutes later with a few shirts. He was still smiling. “You weren't kidding about being all tied up. Now scoot.”
We had got all the way to Sasha's room before we realised we didn't have the keys. We headed back towards Marcus' room. When we were getting close, we heard some sounds that were going to be hard to forget. Both of us stopped. “Do you still have your bobby pin?”
“Yeah. I'll just pick the locks.” We retreated rapidly back to Sasha's room. We went to Sasha first because she was expecting a visit anyway.
Chapter 30
Sasha was adorable. She had only been here a week, so Abby didn't think she had had any truly horrifying experiences yet. Mostly she was being trained. The shirt looked like a dress on her. We rolled the sleeves up and did all the buttons, but I came to the realisation, it was not going to be warm enough. We collected Sally and Jo. They were wearing panties and a short top like Abby, still the shirt was a great addition. We then went through the guest room and found some blankets. Gathered it all by the front door and waited.
As we were waiting, certain nasty thoughts were occurring to me. I presumed that by the time Mr Smith had finished, there would be no one left alive in this building. That meant I was probably safe. The only other people who knew about my abduction was the kidnappers themselves and that could have been the Neanderthals. If it wasn't the Neanderthals, whoever they were, probably realised that I couldn't recognise them. My only worry was whether Mr Smith was going to leave witnesses. The fact that he wouldn't let us actually see him doing anything and he hadn't given us his real name, gave me hope. I had faced him before and knew he would underestimate me. If it came down to it, provided I stayed wary, I think I could take him.
My biggest worry was the girls. They had probably had multiple 'clients'. Those clients could be in any walks of life, from the police to lawyers to bankers. To be involved in this, I expected them to have money, so professional careers or inherited money. The more obvious it was where they were, the more their life could be in danger. That also meant I couldn't just phone Tracy and get her to pick us up. It was highly likely she had contacted the police. Her phone could be tapped, waiting for a ransom demand. So I needed to get 5 half clothed girls, holed up somewhere looking respectable and inconspicuous. Make up some story to sell to the police, get them off my back and then get Tracy on my side and pick the girls up. To do that I needed money. Now chances are, Marcus has a safe somewhere and a good amount of cash should be available if I could convince Mr Smith to help. And Mr Smith will probably want it all anyway.
I told Abby and the girls to stay there and rushed off to Marcus' room. If Marcus was already dead, there wasn't much I could do. As I approached I heard sounds that let me know he wasn't dead yet. Not getting too close to the door I shouted. “Mr Smith.” I then waited, not getting any closer. After a few moments he popped his head out the door and looked at me with raised eyebrows. In a more normal voice. “He probably has a safe somewhere with some money in it. I need some of that for myself and the girls, perhaps Marcus would be willing to help us out?”
“Good idea. I think he could be persuaded.” He made shooing gestures again and went back into the room and closed the door.
I left him to it and went back to the girls. My biggest worry was our feet. I got some sharp knives and scissors from the kitchen and got lucky and found a ball of string in one of the drawers. We started cutting up one of the blankets, then with a knife and the string made these drawstring bags that we could use in place of shoes. We made holes in some other blankets so we could wear them like ponchos.
Before we had finished, Mr Smith came to get Abby to help him around the place. I went too, worried that this might be a chance for him to get rid of one of us. In short order he had the alarm switched off. We then went to a dining room. He moved a chest of drawers to reveal a safe and then proceeded to open it. He was trying to prevent us from looking inside and I figured I wasn't going to fight him for the contents, so I pulled Abby back with me. He counted some money out, his back to us, then hid the rest and turned to hand me £1000 and a phone. I'm guessing that for him to give that to me meant there was a lot more inside and that he probably wasn't going to double cross us. I took the money and backed cautiously away. I got us out the front door and away as quick as I could and hid us in the trees a few hundred metres away. The sun had risen and was starting to light everything in a beautiful golden hue. I then asked them to stay there and went back to observe what he was going to do. I hid in some bushes about 50 metres out. About half an hour later he came out the door with some keys in hand. I could already smell smoke and before he peeled away in one of the cars out front, I could see some flames through some of the windows.
Although it was January and the wood was relatively wet, I was worried that the fire might spread, so rushed back to the girls and got us all moving down the road. We looked a pretty ragtag group. I asked if anyone was any good with mobile phones and Sally stepped forwards. I gave her the phone and asked her to work out where we were, where the nearest main roads were, villages, towns etc. It only took her a few minutes to start to show me. We were a couple of miles away from a small village, and about 15 miles from a decent size town. Oxford was about 60 miles away.
Chapter 31
We were already struggling with the travelling. Without decent shoes and with Sasha being so small, without any of us being that big and strong to carry her for anything but small distances, going far on our feet was out. I stopped us when we were far enough away that my fear of fire was fading. We could all see a large amount of smoke though and a fire engine was probably not that far away. I gathered us all together for a group talk. We were away from the road so there wasn't anything to disturb us.
“Alright. Let's have a rest for a sec and go through our options.” I lay my poncho on the ground and sat down. I opened my arms up to Sasha and she came and sat on my lap. Sally, Jo and Abby did like me, sitting in a rough circle.
“Are we safe?” Jo asked.
“Yes. At the moment we are. We need to make plans to stay that way.” I said.
“What do we need to do?” came from Sally.
“I can tell you my thoughts and what I think we should do. But the decisions need to be agreed as a group.”
Abby put her hand up. “Yes, Abby, you have the floor.” I said with a smile. I think she was fooling around a bit to lighten the tension.
“Without you, we would still be stuck in that place. I think we are all happy with you being our leader.” She looked around, there was a subtle nodding from Sally and Jo.
“Thank you. I do think 5 minds are better than 1. If you see any flaws or ways to improve my plans, please tell me. Now, we have a phone. I don't even know who's it is and I expect soon the fire brigade will be called or have already been called, after that the police will be involved. Then this phone will become a liability. So we need to suck its usefulness out of it and then discard it. The simplest plan is, I call Tracy. There are pluses and minuses to that plan.”
“Who is Tracy and is that the plan you want to go with?” from Abby.
“Tracy is my adopted mother and no, I think there is too much risk to call her. I was kidnapped and almost certainly, she will have called the police. If I call her, the police will be involved and I don't know how safe that will be for you.”
Jo put her hand up. “Mark told me he was a policeman.”
“If I can get us all to Tracy without the involvement of the police, I know that, between us, we can keep you all safe. So my plan is essentially to find a place for you all to stay while I sort out the police aspect and then gather you all up.”
“Are you going to tell them that you were at the house?” Abby asked.
“I think there is going to be an investigation there, so no, I need to come up with another story, any ideas?”
“You could say you ran away.” Came from Jo.
“That would be the simplest. Tracy wouldn't believe it. If I can talk her into going with it first that would be a good option, but if I can't separate her from the police then I need another option.”
Abby smiled at me. “How about a crazed fan? I would have been tempted to kidnap you if I could.”
“I would have let you.” I replied with a smile.
“Hey. Stop flirting you two.” Sally said, but she was smiling. I think I was blushing and Abby definitely was. “That could work though. A crazed fan took you, tried to convince you that you were the love of their life, when they couldn't convince you, dropped you off somewhere after you promised not to tell anyone about them. That way you don't have to reveal any details as you are keeping your promise.”
“I like it. OK. I'll go with that. Now the next question is how to get us all safe while I sort out Tracy and the police? This is my idea, see if you can pick any holes in it. We travel cross country using the phone to guide us to the nearest village. When we get close we phone for a taxi. Tell them we are in fancy dress and get them to take us to Oxford, somewhere near a cheap hotel. We can use the phone to chose a destination. I think we need to discard the phone before we travel to Oxford though.”
“Won't the hotel need identification?” Abby questioned.
“You're right. How about a B & B. We can book on the phone and tell them we are locked out of our house until our parents get back in a couple of days. One of us can venture out to a get us all some clothes.”
“Not you Sophie?”
“I might be too recognisable. Abby would be better I think.”
I looked around. Nobody had any objections.
“OK. Let's do this.” I looked down at Sasha who looked up at me with these big trusting eyes. “I'll carry you as much as I can.” I gave her a piggyback and Sally took the phone to start the Sat nav and then the information we needed. I left her to it while I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. Abby tried carrying her a bit and at some points Jo and Sally went either side of her and gave her occasional swings which had her laughing. Even so, by the time we reached sight of the village all of our feet were sore and we were all tired. Sally had managed to download Uber and arranged a car to take us. She had booked an airbnb flat in Cowley Road in Oxford. We had an access code to enter the flat and the owner was going to be around midday to collect the cash. We were limited in choices as most did not accept cash, weirdly. I always thought cash was king.
Chapter 32
The car was a seven seater, but I still ended up with Sasha on my lap strapped together. I don't think the driver was too impressed and he was definitely unsure about our costumes. A good tip when we arrived made him a lot happier. We rushed into the flat as quickly as possible. I can only imagine what anyone seeing us was thinking. Poor Abby was going to have to go out dressed bizarrely to buy us all clothes. We had given her all our sizes and she had written them down as a note on the phone.
The new plan for the phone was to go into a mobile phone shop and get assistance to wipe all its memory, claiming that she feared it had been hacked. Once it was electronically clean, she would take out the battery, break the sim card and throw the different bits in different bins. In the meantime it was useful to record all our shoe and clothes sizes. We tried to dress her up to be slightly less bizarre. I had to give her my boxers that could be mistaken for shorts and my shirt that she wore around her waist. I was left pretty much naked again apart from a poncho that didn't hide much. We needed to be thrifty with the money as we didn't know exactly how long it needed to last. Abby was going to buy new underwear, but most clothes and shoes if possible would be from a second hand store. I guessed she wasn't going to be back before midday, so I had to hide in the back pretending to be having a bath, while Jo handed the cash to the landlady.
We all waited hungrily for Abby to return. We wanted to order pizza but didn't have a phone. There was a guide book in the flat that mentioned local eateries, but none of us were willing to go out dressed like we were, nor did we think it would be wise. Finally she returned, mission accomplished. We all felt so much better with proper clothes on. We all went out together, to get fed, a pay as you go phone, so I could keep in contact when I left them, some groceries and everyone settled.
Once that was done, it was time for me to leave them. I didn't want to delay as Tracy would be going crazy with worry. I gave them all hugs and promised them that I would be back as quick as I could. I still needed to be cautious though. I took a bus and got off after 4 stops. I had no idea where I was and thought that would be the case if a crazed stalker dropped me off randomly. I got directions from a local to the nearest pub, hoping they would have a pay phone. They didn't have a working one, but the landlady phoned Tracy for me on her mobile. I told her I had been kidnapped and need to phone my mother and tell her I was alright. I don't think she believed me until Tracy answered the phone. I think Tracy started shouting at her, because she quickly pulled the phone from her ear and then, bemusedly passed it across to me.
“I'm fine, I'm healthy, I'm OK.” I kept repeating until she calmed down. “Hang on, I don't know where I am.” I asked the landlady and she took the phone and spoke again to Tracy, then turned the phone off.
“She is coming as quick as she can, she has a police woman with her and will be coming in her car. I am supposed to sit on you and prevent you from leaving.”
“Don't worry, I am not going anywhere. I'll just sit here, so you know where I am.”
“Do you want a drink?”
“Not at those prices.” Her eyes opened wide. “Just kidding. Thought I would try and lighten the moment. I would love one thanks. Lemonade if you don't mind.”
“Cheeky.” She went and got it for me, trying to look severe, but failing to keep the smirk off her face. “So, you got kidnapped, eh?”
“Yup, tasered, chucked in a van, knocked out with something. The whole nine yards.”
“You're behaving pretty chipper for someone who had been kidnapped.”
“That's because I'm free now. Freedom feels a lot more precious when someone has had it taken away.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Thanks. I'd better not. I expect the police will want me to tell it, just to them. Not that there is much to tell. I was kidnapped yesterday and I am free today.”
She retreated to do other stuff. Another customer was staring at me and when I noticed, approached. “Are you that singer?”
“I am a singer, my name is Sophie Hastings, is that what you mean?” I replied politely.
“Yeah, the one who does the campfires. Could I have your autograph?”
“Sure.”
He waved back to a large group of people. “It's Sophie. She's alright.” he shouted. There was a general cheer. They started all getting up to come to me, so instead I headed to their table and started chatting and signing autographs. I guess that attracted attention and more and more people started crowding round me. By the time Tracy arrived I was stuck in the middle of the crowd and didn't notice until she started shouting “Sophie.”
So I shouted back. “Tracy. Mum.” I managed to extract myself and threw myself into her arms.
She clutched me tightly. “Don't ever do that to me again.”
“I won't mum, I promise.” I waved to the people and, held tightly in mum's arms, we left.
Chapter 33
We were taken by the policewoman back to the station so that I could make a statement. Apparently, my kidnapping had been reported in the news and along with my video's had made a big splash. The police were going to make a statement to the press, but wanted the information from me first. I tried to give as much truth as possible. How I was kidnapped was the same. Waking up naked in a strange bed in a strange location. I wasn't sure whether to omit the lack of clothes bit, but figured, since it had happened, talking about it, gave depth to the story. Instead of me forcing an escape I imagined Marcus telling me he wanted me. Me rejecting him. Him allowing my freedom on the condition that I give as little detail to the police as possible. With a threat that he knew where I lived, so if the police announced too much information, like his description, I could be attacked again. Of course the police were unhappy with my unwillingness to divulge too much information. Telling me they could protect me. The man was dangerous, he could do this to someone else. It was my duty to tell them everything. At the same time, there was this unstated, she is only a young girl, we can't expect too much from her.
I knew Tracy was suspicious. Maybe my story didn't reflect what my actions would be, if I was actually in those circumstances. I'm not sure, but, I could tell, Tracy didn't believe me and yet trusted me to tell her later. We slipped away while the police was talking to the press. My presence was not required. We were taken back to the flat in a police car and Tracy tried to question me. I stopped her with a kiss on her cheek and a whisper in her ear. “Later.”
When we arrived back at her flat, Steph was waiting for us. I ran into her arms and we hugged and cried. We made our way back to our flat.
“So what really happened?” Tracy asked.
“Is it safe to talk here?”
“I think so. The only thing the police did was something on my phone so they could listen in to any conversations I had.”
“I've got some serious stuff to talk about, but we really need to be sure no one else is listening.”
Tracy frowned at me. Then looked thoughtful and picked up her phone and wondered out of the lounge leaving me with Steph.
“What is she talking about?”
“I promised someone that I wouldn't talk about it.” Then I winked at her.
She started frowning.
Before she could say anything Tracy came back in.“Right. We are going out. I have a friend at a security firm that I want us to see.”
We locked the flat back up again and travelled to an industrial park with a security firm. We were met at the door by a gentleman who greeted Tracy and led us through to a room. We all had to stand in a star jump position and they passed a scanner over us, before taking us through into another room which just had a table and chairs in it, nothing else.
“I have hired them to scan our flat, car, clothes, everything. That will happen tomorrow, but I couldn't wait. I need to know now. This room is secure. Tell me young lady. Tell me everything!”
“I will tell you everything. Let me go over the basics to explain the security, then I will go over as much detail as you like. I was kidnapped, just the way I said, but it wasn't some crazed fan. It was a paedophile ring, or hotel or brothel. I don't know what you call it.”
“No. Are you alright? Did they ….”
“No. At least, I don't think so. I woke up naked but nothing feels sore or anything.”
“Why would they kidnap you, you are supposed to be 18?”
“The whys can wait. I escaped with an 18 year old, two 11 year olds and a child of 5. At least one of their clients was a policeman. Others could be anybody, in any walk of life.”
“So we can't go to the police with this and potentially, if somebody knew where you really went they could bug our house to find the others.” Tracy reasoned. “That is why the secrecy. Where are the other girls.”
“Now you have got the general picture, why don't I start from the beginning and tell you everything. Hopefully, all the details will be revealed.” I proceeded to tell them all I could remember. Occasionally, something was missed or unclear and either Tracy or Steph would ask a question.
When I had finished there was a pause while it was digested. Then Tracy got up and came over to me and held her arms open. Steph and I both got out of our chairs and joined in a group hug.
“I am so proud of you.” Tracy whispered.
“I was so scared.” I admitted. My armour cracked a bit and I cried into her chest. We stayed like that for awhile. Then we settled back into our chairs and got our thinking caps on.
“We need to pick the girls up.” Steph said.
“We could be followed. I could get Martha to pick them up.” Tracy responded.
“I don't think that is a good idea. Abby was living there when she was abducted. You told me previously that girls go missing from there. You presumed that was their own choice. What if it was because they had been taken.”
“Martha would never be party to that.”
“It doesn't have to be Martha. What if they had a link in your computer system. They could check out suitable candidates and grab appropriately. Martha doesn't have to be involved, but 23 could be in some way.”
There was another pause. “So what do we need?” Steph asked, trying to clarify.
“We need to pick the girls up undetected. Take them somewhere and keep them hidden until we can remove the perverts. We need to identify the paedophiles who have used their services and then do something to neutralise their threat.” That was my opinion, anyway. “Short term goals, get them safe. Long term goal, keep them safe and stop the paedophiles from getting at any more children.”
“I think I need to spend some money. I need a bigger house. Isolated with good security. In the meantime I can hire some bodyguards to pick up the girls and take them somewhere. Some of these firms have their own safe houses.”
“I would suggest female bodyguards. I will need to phone them to let them know who to trust. You might need counsellors or some kind of psychological help to be available.” Hell I wanted to be there for them, but I could be followed.
“You two should have a bodyguard too.” Steph added.
“What about you Steph?”
“I don't think I need them. How do we catch the bastards? If the house burned up, if there was any evidence, it is long gone now.”
“The girls will remember what they look like and probably some names too. If someone was able to get a picture of all policemen called Mark in front of Jo, I bet she could pick him out.”
“And then what. There is no evidence.”
“If we can identify them, we can gather evidence on them. I will hire investigators. Paedophiles don't stop being that way. They will commit again and if they are being watched, they will be caught. Investigators can also follow the link with 23 maybe that will lead somewhere.”
“It is going to take a long time.” Steph muttered.
“We can't change that. What are we going to do about you and Abby? You can't both have the same identity.”
“I was thinking about that. You had another girl, Rebecca something, that went missing and left a birth certificate. It might be hard to change me again, but couldn't Abby claim to be Rebecca and then change her name to Abby.”
“That could work. Just don't get kidnapped by someone who knows Rebecca.”
Tracy left the room and came back with a simple burner phone, she called it. Then while we were in the secure room Tracy phoned a security agency and arranged to get the girls picked up and taken to a safe house by two female bodyguards. I then phoned the girls and told them what we had arranged and that we would buy a house and then all be together.
Chapter 34 Final Chapter
1 year later.
I was standing in the shadows of the stage, waiting for my turn and watching the emerging talent. A lot had happened in the last year. The owner of the paedophile hotel had apparently died in a fire so we had bought the property. There wasn't much left, so we knocked it down. It was now a set of toilets and food stands. Fitting, I thought. Where the front of the house was, there was a car park and behind the house we had set up seating for about 500 and a stage. Two stages actually. The higher stage for the musicians and the lower one for the dance acts. We sold the tickets online with Harriet's help. We called the place Campfire Songs. On the top stage there were two campfires, one on either side. Weather permitting we played every Sunday. We had a scout who would research for talented bands and give them the opportunity to play the earlier slot and then we would play. Amy's dance troupe had grown and still performed on the lower stage with our numbers.
Martha managed the place and organised other outdoor theatre events like Shakespeare on different days. It was discovered that the paedophiles had placed a key logger that recorded everything that was typed into the computer at the shelter. No one blamed Martha, but she blamed herself and felt the need to resign from 23. Tracy organised a similar search at other shelters and found similar devices in 4 other locations. On the plus side the girls had identified 32 different individuals that were now under close scrutiny. Well, 27 of them were, the other 5 were already in jail by our efforts.
I didn't think I had it in me, but I started writing a few songs. My first song 'Freedom' managed the top 10. I found the words and Tracy and Steph helped with the musical composition. I wasn't the only one writing. Abby, now called Rebecca, Beccy really, was writing the horror story of her life. The book was entitled 'The house where girls cry.' Rebecca Stevens, the other birth certificate that Tracy found at 23, was the same Beccy who had taught Abby to pick locks and was caught trying to escape. Abby wanted a new start in life and in honor of the girl who meant so much to her, decided to keep her name. I called her my beautiful Beccy. It took a while to get over the trauma she had been through, and, in some respects, you never completely get over it, but our relationship was making steady progress.
Sasha, Jo and Sally were all in Amy's dance troupe. They were wearing fairly heavy make up and wigs so we weren't worried about them being recognised. Tracy had ended up adopting us all. Our shared experience bound us all together. There was so much love around me that I couldn't be happier.
The End.
Creating Utopia Book 1 It Started With A Grandfather's Love
The Legal Stuff: Creating Utopia Book 1 It Started With A Grandfather's Love ©2021 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
Chapter 1
Chris Heaven's Point of View (POV)
I sat in the waiting room thinking while trying to remain calm. The world had changed so much since my youth. I was nearing seventy now and was probably the oldest client to ever approach 'The Catalyst' as she liked to be called. I almost snorted at the ridiculousness of the world.
I liked comics and superhero tales as much as the next man, but never in my wildest dreams would I have predicted that fantasy becoming real. The story of how it happened is well known now although it took years before the truth was revealed. Alternate dimensions and multiple different Earths was easy enough to believe so, in hindsight, it makes sense that at some point they could interact. In our case, a world that already had superheroes accidentally created a one way portal to our world.
The portal creating wasn't accidental, but as usual with Mad Scientists, things didn't go completely according to plan and in this case, it was the one-way nature that screwed everything up. That and the fact that all devices Mad Scientists created involved a connection to their mysterious ability, which meant the portal stopped working a week after the good Dr James came through.
Even that wasn't enough to kickstart our latent superhero potential. Before the portal closed a group of five superheroes came through after investigating why Dr James was missing. Of course, that meant they were trapped here as well. They say power corrupts and Dr James predicted that the heroes would eventually let the fact that they were the most powerful people on our world, go to their heads. He set a contingency plan in place which would go into effect if he was killed, knowing that he was the only one who could stand in their way and it would be a true test of their corruption. If the superheroes were willing to kill him just to prevent his interference then they needed to be stopped.
Stopping them was not going to be easy and Dr James' answer was to activate everybody's potential. How he did that is still up for debate, but based on the 'Mad Scientists' that have popped up since it was probably in a way that made sense to him but doesn't actually conform to known universal laws. The vast majority of people were and remain unaffected. Of those who gained 'gifts', most were minor like mine, but enough had real power and rocked our world.
It all settled eventually and most cities now boasted a few supers who mainly backed up the police. Supervillains were rare since there was a no-tolerance policy. If your abilities meant a normal jail could not contain you and you were convicted of a major crime, you got the death penalty. That draconian measure came about after several disasters involving escaped supervillains. Anyone convicted could request a registered telepath inquiry to prove their innocence, but they rarely did. On the plus side, twenty percent of normal human prisoners were cleared from jail by requesting telepath led investigations.
A professional looking middle-aged woman opened the door to the consulting room, ushered a young man who was looking dejected on his way, met my eyes and with a neutral expression indicated for me to follow her.
“Chris Heaven?” she asked.
I nodded my head and followed her into the room.
We both settled into our chairs. Hers behind a large solid looking wooden desk and me facing her.
She took a pen and paper and wrote something down and then looked up at me curiously. “Tell me everything,” she said leaning back in her chair and politely waiting for me to talk with every evidence of attention.
“Confidentiality applies?” I asked.
“Absolutely. Unless you tell me something illegal.”
“My gift is to taste DNA. I'm not sure taste is the right word. When I go into a room, or near someone I can sense all the nearby DNA. I can sort of quiz it and it will reveal information,” I explained.
“And you've come to me because?”
“I've always felt that there is more to it. To be honest, I've had a pretty good life and used the information to try and help people. Steer them towards healthy options that fit with the DNA profile I taste. More recently, my granddaughter was involved in an incident. She suffered head trauma and has been in a coma for almost three months now and I can't find anything in her DNA to suggest a way to help her.”
“What is it you think that I do?” she questioned me.
“I understood that you can tell if someone is not using their talent to its full potential and offer advice on how to improve,” I answered.
“Sort of. I am actually clairaudient. I have a spirit guide who seems to be able to examine someone's potential and offer helpful hints on how to improve. I schedule hour-long appointments because I have to use various techniques, mostly types of meditation with burning different herbs as an offering to try and convince Stormdancer to communicate with me. If at the end of that time I don't receive a message, then, in my experience, I never will.”
“I knew that you might not be able to help me. I just wanted to try everything I can,” I responded.
“Admirable. The thing is, I can't answer your questions, all I can do is pass on any messages I receive. Stormdancer is quite interested in your case and required no coaxing to speak to me. Yes, you have untapped potential and I have a message for you, but I don't know if this will help your granddaughter.” She picked up the piece of paper on the desk. “You must understand yourself completely before you can understand others.” She passed it to me. “I would suggest you meditate on that and see where it leads you. There is no point in coming back until you have made progress and reached another bottleneck.”
Chapter 2
I had paid quite a hefty sum for a five-minute consultation but I wasn't unhappy. I didn't honestly believe my talents would be able to help, however, I believed in the no stone left unturned philosophy. And for all its brevity the result had been positive, I could improve my gift, I just had to work out what the message meant.
My life returned to relative normality for the next couple of weeks with the exception of meditating solely on my own DNA and ignoring all the other DNA that surrounded me. That sounds easy, but I was constantly aware of different DNA interacting with me. Inside my body, within my gut, there were a plethora of different organisms that weren't part of my DNA but had their own DNA, on the surface of my skin there was a similar picture and whenever there was a gust of wind, somebody else's DNA was brought to my attention. Including whatever organisms they might have on the surface of their body, viruses and bacteria in the air, pollen and other small particulates that contain life and all the people that they had been in near proximity to smear them with their DNA.
It was information overload which was why concentrating only on my own DNA was something I had never done before and was also hard to do. Sure, I had examined bits of my DNA to improve my health. That was the main thing I did to utilise my gift. Examine people's DNA and give recommendations to improve their health. But there is so much information in a person's DNA that to try and look at it all felt like a monumental task. In theory, all I had to do was concentrate on what I was interested in and listen to what my gift was telling me. So what I was really doing was altering the focus from asking a specific question to imagining my DNA as a book and asking what information was on the first page and going from there. While I was doing that there was a plethora of other DNA trying to impinge on my concentration. It was sort of like reading a book while loud annoying music was playing in the background and several people were shouting for my attention. And a lot of the pages were quite boring which didn't help my concentration. Still, I persisted as I was very motivated.
I didn't devote all my time to it as I was still running a clinical practice and my daughter needed me. So much so that I was contemplating early retirement. My wife had divorced me over ten years ago and had now met another man and my son never contacted me. My daughter, Talia, on the other hand, had always been close. I had never been sure about her husband, Tom. In front of me, he had always been respectful and easygoing, but Talia told me everything so I knew if he drank alcohol he had a tendency to be violent. Since he knew that about himself he only rarely drank and Talia tended to visit me with Kalie as soon as he started.
I respected him for not drinking when he knew it was an issue, except I knew the only reason he did that was to keep Talia happy. Or more accurately, prevent her from giving him the cold shoulder. I was also proud of my daughter for being unwilling to accept violence from her partner. Up until it all went horribly wrong the most she had suffered was a bit of verbal abuse as she quickly left the house with Kalie in tow.
Unfortunately, all it takes is one bad episode of violence to completely change your life. Tom had gotten home early from work so had picked Kalie up from school. Talia had worked late knowing that Tom was home only to find Kalie unconscious on the floor and Tom missing. The empty beer bottles on the side table giving mute evidence to the likely story. Alcohol wasn't kept in the house so Tom had to have bought it on his way home. Kalie had slipped into a coma that she hadn't woken up from and Tom drove his car at speed into a tree. I think it was suicide, but it was ruled accidental. He had life insurance and to my surprise, they paid up with little argument. Not that we cared about the money. Talia moved back in with me, quit her job and spends most of her time depressed or visiting Kalie. I supported her as best I could. My examination of Kalie's DNA revealed nothing that would help and the specialist pointed to brain damage in MRI scans that suggested even if she did wake up, she may never fully recover.
My only hope was that my power would go from a passive to an active power. If I could activate Kalie's DNA, maybe I could cause it to renew her brain. I knew that we constantly renewed our bodies so I thought it was possible. I got my first taste that it might be possible when I got to a page of my DNA that told me its purpose which was relating to brain function, but also told me that I couldn't change this DNA without altering who I was. It was like a read-only file which, conversely, told me I should be able to change any of my DNA that was not read-only. Evidence that I was on the right track. I just didn't know how, yet.
I had tried to change my DNA before, back when I had first manifested and was exploring what I could do. I had heard that viruses could leave DNA behind and when I asked the question, I found an alarming amount still present, so I tried to remove it, replace it, inactivate it, but nothing worked, so I presumed my power was purely passive. Now I wondered if my power didn't allow me to change anything because I didn't know what I was doing. Similar to a teleporter being unable to go if they don't know the space involved is unoccupied.
The knowledge that I should be able to develop my power gave me the impetus to make some changes to my life. I retired, stopped booking appointments and would only see those I had already booked. To completely retire took me a month and during that time I doubled down on my efforts to understand my DNA. By the end of that month, I had got to the end of my DNA book, Kalie was still in a coma, but my persistent efforts were slowly bringing my daughter out of her depression. Not well by any means, but if Kalie passed on, I thought Talia wouldn't commit suicide now.
On reaching the end of my DNA book, I still didn't feel that I properly understood my whole DNA profile so I started from the beginning again and managed to get a deeper look, this time researching the concepts that I found difficult. Possibly because I had more time to spare or because it was my second reading, it only took me two weeks for my second read through. Despite knowing a lot more, I also knew there was more to know, so I went back for another read. In total, I read through my DNA seven times before I felt I couldn't learn any more about it.
Chapter 3
There was no light bulb moment that I was ready for my power to reach the next level, it was just when I looked again at the foreign virus DNA that was incorporating itself into Chris DNA and wanted to change it, my gift agreed with me. It wasn't as simple as just deleting it, my DNA needed certain base pairs to be in certain points or the complex DNA folding that occurred on a macro and micro level would go wrong. My understanding was sufficient to change the sequencing to nonsense whilst keeping the overall structure.
Most importantly, I knew I could make the changes without creating damage and interestingly, as soon as I made the first change, I felt some weird potential come to life. When I quizzed my power I worked out that after I made a change I had the ability to activate the DNA either on a small scale or over my whole body. I chose a small section in my arm, no more than a hundred cells and watched as they renewed themselves which did... nothing. Not surprising really, since I was taking out junk DNA which didn't have an active purpose.
I still thought it was a good idea to do, so I carried on eliminating all virus caused junk DNA and correcting any damaged DNA which did require me to look at other human DNA to compare. When I had finished I checked my changes by activating a small section of my thigh muscle and when nothing went wrong, I decided to activate my whole body.
A wave of tiredness swept over me. Fortunately, I was in bed lying down, but it happened so quickly and so irresistibly that my last thought before succumbing was to question whether I would wake up.
When I did wake up I was confused. I seemed to be in a hospital bed with someone holding my hand. I followed the hand to its owner and found my daughter sitting next to the bed slumped and half asleep. I squeezed the hand to wake her up a bit and when she looked up, I smiled at her to let her know that I was alright.
I didn't know what was going on, but I felt amazing. By the time I was in my sixties I had all sorts of little aches and pains that you get used to and ignore. They were all gone. I didn't want to move in case that would bring them back and just revelled in the painlessness. The absence of pain was bliss.
“Don't scare me like that!” Talia said with a broken voice, tears streaming down her face.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Shouldn't I be asking you that?” she said with a slightly aggravated tone. “All I know is I found you unresponsive on your bed and nothing I could do would wake you. I called an ambulance and they brought you here. All their checks suggested there was nothing wrong with you, you were just in a deep sleep and when they noticed you changing they set you up in this room.”
That was when I noticed I was lying naked on the bed and there were a few cameras set up around me. Acute embarrassment rushed through me.
“Do you think you could get me something to cover up?” I asked quietly, shifting my other hand to cover my junk.
To add to my embarrassment a stream of three doctors entered the room, two male, and one female.
“Can I have something to preserve my dignity?” I called out as my embarrassment started transforming into anger.
“I do apologise, Mr Heaven, it's just not every day that someone regresses in age from near seventy to late teenage and does so where it can be monitored. I'm Dr Brown, by the way.”
“I'm still naked here,” I reminded them.
When I taste DNA, especially human DNA I do get a sense of how old it is which I think is related to the telomeres. A quick check confirmed my DNA now read as age 17. Just after puberty had finished. Wow.
A sheet was brought that I was allowed to cover myself with and the questioning began. To be blunt, I told them as little as I could. Yes, it was a superpower, one that I had managed to develop from passive information to being active and able to regress my age. No, I couldn't do that to someone else. I didn't know that at the time but didn't want to suggest otherwise and it turned out to be true when I tried with Talia later.
On the plus side, I had absolute evidence that I was Chris Heaven, even if I now looked like his grandson. I had also lost about five kilograms in weight and since I was still a good twenty-five kilos overweight, I still looked fat.
I spent the next week sending off paperwork in conjunction with the hospital to get a new passport and driving licence. It would still look weird as they didn't change my age, so I looked like a young teen but my age was listed as sixty-eight. If supers didn't exist I'm sure I would have been questioned more. I was hounded a bit by the press as there was a rumour from the hospital which was now confirmed with paperwork that was supposed to be confidential. The story being that I was the first super who had the potential to be immortal, age-wise at least. There were regenerators who looked like they would be healthy and look young to the limit of the human lifespan but tests showed the cells were ageing.
I kept my life as boring as possible and they seemed to give up. It wasn't much of a story. I had no great powers and would never be on a super team. If I couldn't apply my age regression to anyone else it was only mildly interesting. Of course, I was only just getting started. The first thing I did was try to eliminate my genetic weaknesses. Weakness is probably the wrong word. I could compare my DNA to all the other DNA I had been subjected to and find the best version for a particular sequence and use that. Funnily enough, that process was a lot easier than my original quest to get rid of leftover viral junk DNA because all I had to do was cut and paste from existing work whereas removing the evidence of viral damage required higher knowledge to replace it with my own created version. The difference between plagiarism and creating my own work.
I also used the process to lose weight. Each time I used the full body activation I would go into a deep sleep and wake up after about sixteen hours about five kilograms lighter and almost all of it was fat loss. I believe my ability was a type of micro telekinesis, and I was able to branch out slightly to pick up and move immune cells to where I needed them to be and stop blood from leaking out of a burst capillary. If I concentrated I could speed up healing and even cause cells to die and be excreted which I used to eliminate a build-up of non-degradable artificial chemicals. Nothing outside of my body though. I tried very hard in the hopes that I would be able to help Kalie. I made another appointment with 'The Catalyst' in the hopes of getting more advice. Again Stormdancer was willing but only gave me a one-word message, cloning.
Chapter 4
I looked into cloning research and if Kalie needed a new heart I could see how it might help, but you couldn't replace a brain. Could I clone Kalie? I thought I probably could. I would have to turn myself into a female version, release an egg and change the DNA to match Kalie's DNA. Suffer nine months of pregnancy and give birth to an identical genetic copy of Kalie, but it wouldn't have her memories and what about her spirit or soul? And what if Kalie woke up one day? It would look like we replaced her.
In the end, I decided it wasn't my decision to make. As much as the idea of turning myself female, becoming pregnant and giving birth frightened me, if it would help heal my daughter, I would manage. Somehow. Lord help me.
It took a week after my message from Stormdancer before I was prepared to face my daughter. Nervous, stressed and probably a dozen other emotions were going through me, but I was also determined. We were both sitting at the dining room table. I was sipping a hot chocolate and Talia had a cup of coffee in front of her.
“You know I spoke to 'The Catalyst' last week,” I started.
“Yes. You told me you received another clue that might help you just needed to work out how.”
“Quite so. I am going to be blunt here, I know you haven't held out much hope that I would be able to help and neither have I. I've explained what I can do and without being able to influence anything outside of my body there is no way I can help Kalie,” I said before reaching across to stroke Talia's hand that was holding her coffee as it tightened up while her head dropped as more sadness rushed through her. “However the message I received did suggest something unexpected.” She looked up with sudden hope. “Remember I can change my body to look pretty much how I want and I can also manipulate or replicate any DNA that I have been exposed to.”
“You're saying you can look like Kalie?” Talia asked looking very confused.
“No... well yes, I suppose I could but what would be the point. No, what I meant was I believe I could clone Kalie. I think I could create a DNA identical baby Kalie. She would have none of Kalie's memories and if souls exist, unless Kalie deliberately shifted across, it would have a different soul.” I moved closer so that I could hug her around the chair. “I don't know whether it would be a good idea or not and I don't want you to decide right now. Just think about it and we can talk about it later.”
I then changed the subject and Talia let me.
Two days later she approached me and wanted to know how I would go about it so I explained how I would have to change to a female and use an egg and replace my partial set of DNA with Kalie's full DNA and implant it into my womb. I believed I would be able to solve the usual issues with cloning because of my DNA manipulation. Talia swallowed that information and again we left it for her to think about.
The next morning as we sat down to have breakfast together Talia questioned me again. “You're prepared to become a woman, get pregnant and have a baby?”
I laughed nervously. “I can't say the idea doesn't terrify me. For you. For Kalie. Yes, I would do that and a lot more. I would need a hell of a lot of help though.”
She looked me in the eyes almost convincing herself of my sincerity. Then she gave herself a small nod, took a deep breath. “Please,” she said and then burst into tears.
I held her in my arms until she calmed down.
It was then my turn to take some deep breaths.
“We need to be organised about this, go and fetch a pen and paper,” I told her. I didn't want to say anything but my legs were feeling a bit weak. I felt like I had just made a life-altering decision, but I needed to be strong for Talia.
I wasn't going to look anything like me for most of a year so I needed to set everything up so that my physical presence was not going to be required. With so much done online these days, that wasn't difficult. The biggest issue was going to be having a legal female identity. I would need that for Dr visits and eventually, the hospital maternity ward.
We thought about me pretending to be Talia, but she was now thirty-three years old and I didn't have the ability to chose the age of the person I copied and I would need her to accompany me. Although I didn't like explaining my talents I did approach my lawyer, but she couldn't think of a solution without revealing my ability. The only option she could come up with, was for me to pretend to transition, have my legal documents changed to show I was female and then move out of state before my bump showed so no one would question how I could get pregnant. It would still show that I was sixty-eight years old, however, my recent passport already had a section showing that I was a super and my ability listed as age regression. The biggest issue would be I couldn't really transition back without revealing more of my ability than I wanted to. It didn't worry me too much as I rarely needed to use my identity.
Of course, it wasn't that easy. I needed a psychological assessment to sign off on it. Both Talia and I were seeing a psychologist to help us cope with grief, but I am a terrible liar so I had to tell her about my ability to change sex. I don't think she believed me but I offered for her to be present during my change as I couldn't think of another way to prove my words.
Next, I needed to design my new woman body. The simplest thing would have been to use my X chromosome that already had all the information I needed to turn me into a woman, but my biggest fear was labour and delivery so I wanted to cheat. One of our friends who had children at the same time as my wife had the easiest childbirth I had ever heard of. She didn't notice most of her labour because the pain was so mild and if she wasn't in a hospital having a check-up I think she would have had a home delivery. The check-up showed she was eight cm dilated and the child was born less than an hour later. On the other hand, she really struggled with milk production, but another of our prenatal group had a terrible childbirth story but produced so much milk she donated to the prenatal ward at the hospital. I wanted the best of both worlds whilst using enough of my DNA to look like a female version of myself.
I had lost contact with those families but I had their names and with a bit of investigation, I was able to find out where they lived. I didn't want to disturb them and I didn't need to. I knocked on the door to deliver flowers, picked up the DNA that I needed and moved on. They didn't recognise me. I would have been surprised if they did as I was now biologically seventeen years old and I had known them when I was in my thirties.
Other details needed to be hashed out before I made the big change. The biggest one was about whose responsibility the cloned Kalie would be. Essentially, who was going to be the mother? Legally I would be, but I was doing this for Talia and considered myself a surrogate. I would carry the baby, give birth and provide breast milk for six months hopefully. I say hopefully because I was aware that I might start suffering from gender dysphoria according to our psychologist. She also said I could be just as happy as a girl and decide to never change back. Male pride was unlikely to be maintained through pregnancy and childbirth.
Talia agreed to be the mother but warned me that the whole experience might leave me too emotionally attached to back away and if that happened we would both be her mother or I could become her father although we would probably need to move to another state again. We also didn't think it would be a good idea to keep the same name 'Kalie'. We wanted something similar so we settled on Katie. The rest was just logistics. Rent or sell my house? I decided to rent it out. Where do we move to? We decided the Gold Coast would be a pleasant location since we didn't need to go to work. Me because I had retired and Talia because she had received a large settlement from Tom's life insurance.
On the advice of Susan, I had a weeks holiday in Thailand. I just relaxed in the hotel and lazed around the pool with occasional massages. People would presume I had been to Thailand for a sex change and other feminising surgery.
3 days after I returned...
I was nervous. The change night had arrived. I had worked out all the DNA changes. None of the read-only files that would alter who I was were affected and keeping all the corrected DNA, just changing to a female form that would hopefully have an easy time with pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, plus a few vanity features suggested by Talia. No hair below my eyebrows, long eyelashes and strong nails. My psychologist was going to observe my change but had agreed to keep my ability confidential as well as sign off all the paperwork if I proved I wasn't lying.
I lay on my back on my bed, naked except for a blanket that was preserving my dignity. Talia was sitting on the bed cross-legged holding my right hand and our psychologist, Susan was sitting in a chair on my left. I knew she would be peeking occasionally, but had agreed to not take any recordings. I would be too deeply asleep to care.
“Ready?” Talia asked me.
“Ready,” I said with an unintentional waver to my voice. “Here we go.” I closed my eyes, confirmed one last time that the DNA was what I wanted it to be and triggered whole body activation. The tiredness swept over me quickly, but I had done this multiple times now so I wasn't worried and gently allowed myself to drift off.
Chapter 5
Susan's POV
I wasn't quite sure what to think. I had no doubts that both Chris and Talia believed that Chris was going to be transformed and my experience with them never suggested any mental instability. If it wasn't for the clear evidence of superpowers in the world generally and seeing a much younger Chris turn up at my door I would have had him committed. As it was I was beginning to believe it was going to happen.
“Sixteen hours?” I asked Talia.
“That's how long it has taken previously and from what he understands, it should be the same. It is a much bigger change than anything he has done so far though.”
“She,” I reminded her.
Talia giggled nervously. “Not yet, but soon. It's hard to think of my father as a she.”
“Imagine how hard it is going to be for him to become a her. You are going to really need to step up. Teach her everything. And I don't just mean what clothes to wear, how to walk, wear heels, tuck the skirt underneath, get in the car without flashing the world. You will also need to show her how to have fun, enjoy life. She is going to be nervous and unsure almost all the time while pretending that she is fine. You need to be her rock, not the other way around,” I explained.
“You believe us now don't you?”
“It's hard to imagine you would bring me here if you weren't pretty sure it was going to happen,” I responded.
Talia sighed. “I'm being selfish, aren't I? What dad is doing is more than I should ask.”
“Yes.” I gave a pause for that to sink in. “But sometimes you need to be a bit selfish. He is doing this willingly, lovingly and I even think this will be a good experience for him. Theoretically, he no longer has an expiry date, but I don't think that idea has sunk in. He is still thinking like a sixty-eight-year-old man thinking that his life is mostly over. Don't treat him that way. Re-categorise him as a teenage girl. Show her the ropes, how to have fun, safely.”
“You mean take her out dancing, partying? He has never been interested in that scene.”
“That was when he was a sixty-eight-year-old man. Your mother hurt him deeply when she fell out of love with him and he has never looked for anyone else. If he is going to live for a long time it would be a lonely existence if he did it on his own. Plus he will have pregnant teenage hormones rushing through his system,” I reminded her.
“You think he should look for a man?” Talia said disbelievingly.
“I have no idea what his sexual preference will be, but considering he has been a heterosexual male for decades, I would be surprised if he didn't find women attractive. If sexual preference is in the DNA then I'm sure he has set himself up as a lesbian and if it is environmental then he is already that way,” I answered.
“But he is only going to be a woman temporarily.”
“Nine months of pregnancy followed by a minimum of six months of breastfeeding is what you have told me. At the end of which, everyone who will know him, will know him as female. To revert to male would require a major change similar to what you both are about to do. If he doesn't suffer psychologically for being female, I don't think this will be that temporary. And it will be up to you to make this as pleasant as possible,” I reminded her.
She sighed again. “I'm going to sleep for a few hours. I'll keep my phone next to me so you can call me if you need anything.”
Then she left me to my silent vigil. I set up a vibration alarm for an hour on my phone, downloaded a book and started reading. Every hour I would get up, check his body for any changes and walk around a bit. I was getting tired but I didn't want to miss anything. I had brought a few caffeinated drinks and snacks and I used these when I struggled to stay awake.
For the first five hours, there was little to no change. The first thing I noticed was the lack of hair on his body and groin. I wasn't sure, but it looked like his penis and balls were shrinking. His penis was almost monster-sized and I suspected that was one of the first improvements he made to his male body when he worked out how to manipulate his DNA. Now it looked large but not huge. I was tempted to use the measuring tape but the thought of Talia walking in while I was holding his penis and measuring it made me hesitant and a bit giggly. His face looked softer but with no hair on top, it still looked masculine. He had shaved his head and eyebrows in preparation. He said he couldn't alter dead cells which was why, previously, he had a seventeen-year-old body with grey hair and dark brown roots.
I did use the measuring tape to find his hips had widened, but his shoulders had narrowed. His nipples were larger and there was the beginning of fat appearing underneath them. Nothing major, but evidence that it was all changing. Any doubts that I had held onto disappeared at that point.
And each hour it progressed. It was fascinating, his hands and feet became dainty, his penis and balls slowly shrank, his whole body became shorter with his muscles reducing in size. His frame became more and more feminine. Talia joined me after about eight hours. She gave him a sponge bath and we discussed the changes.
Already he looked more female than male. The changes continued, a cleft started forming, his waist narrowed and his breasts got larger. The next hour he had a completely female groin and I felt a mental shock as my mind reclassified him as a her. She was a little overweight with narrow shoulders, wide hips and large breasts. Her face was girl next door cute, not ridiculously beautiful and you could see the resemblance to male Chris without having any real hints of masculinity. She still looked a little strange without eyebrows or a head of hair but Talia told me Chris would speed grow that after the transformation was complete.
I would guess the last few hours involved internal changes since the changes slowed down. We took measurements so that Talia could go shopping and buy Chris some clothes. I recommended that she wore overtly feminine clothing to help her mind adjust to her change in circumstances. I suggested skirts and dresses with casual tops. Talia revealed another secret, Chris had been holding onto her fat reserves because she needs them to power the process, but Talia thought there was a good chance Chris would get rid of any excess fat if she wasn't going to be changing for a while. That meant there wasn't much point in buying many clothes until she was happy with her new shape and they would probably wait for the majority of the new wardrobe for when they moved to the Gold Coast.
Talia prepared a drink of water and a protein smoothie with lots of honey for when Chris wakes up. I felt privileged to have observed something that looked like a miracle, I only wish it could be used on others. As agreed, I would sign the papers and do what I could to make the legal transition as easy as possible. Almost all records are digitised these days and I estimated all the paperwork would be done within a month.
Chapter 6
Chris Heaven's POV
I woke up slowly, bringing my scattered thoughts into focus. A quick check of my DNA showed my transformation was successful and my DNA age was even further reduced at fifteen. I guess it was true girls mature faster than guys. A quick mental check suggested no immediate backlash. I feared I would wake up wanting to cry, but instead, I felt a slight emotional distance, like an artist looking forward to appreciating the final form of their new sculpture.
I opened my eyes and looked at Talia and Susan.
“So, how do you feel?” Susan asked.
I smirked, I had predicted her first words. “So far, so good. How does it look?”
“How self-conscious are you feeling? Do you want us to go downstairs while you check yourself out?” Talia inquired gently.
“We are all girls here, I guess,” I said with a shrug. I would have been more embarrassed if I had my penis out especially with a fear of getting an inappropriate reaction. For a bit of a laugh, I had modified myself before my transformation with the biggest dick in my DNA library because I knew Susan was going to look.
“I don't think Chris is going to behave like a blushing teenager,” Susan commented. She was right I may look fifteen but I was sixty-eight.
“I don't think I can suffer from being self-conscious when I can change my body easily enough,” I said as I lifted the sheet off my body and tried to look at my new self. My fairly substantial breasts made it a bit tricky seeing further down, but I could see that I still had a bit of a belly which was more pronounced as I sat up and started drinking the water followed by the smoothie.
“Belly fat always looks at its worst when sitting. Talia suggested you can get rid of it easily. Is that true?” Susan inquired.
“Yes. If I reactivated my DNA I would have another sixteen-hour sleep and be about five kilograms lighter. Alternatively, I can speed up my metabolism or even change my gut with DNA from someone who absorbs fewer nutrients from food. Some of that is down to gut bacteria which I don't directly affect.” I looked at myself in a full-length mirror. “Ideally, I don't want to get rid of the excess fat in case I want to make any changes.” I thought about it and consulted my DNA library. “I think I am going to make a minor DNA modification that will only use up a little bit of fat and take a couple of hours.”
Looking in the mirror I had to admit, I was very satisfied with my work. Cute but not outrageously pretty. I didn't really want to attract male attention. My breasts were a little large for my small frame, but I had based them on milk production, not aesthetics. I knew theoretically large breasts had no relation to difficulty with breastfeeding but these were based on the best milk producer that I had known when Talia was a baby. The biggest issue was a lack of hair on my head and no eyebrows.
“What will that do?” Susan asked.
“It will change the location where excess fat is stored from my belly to my chest and butt.”
“I wish you could do that for me,” Talia muttered.
“Me too, sister,” Susan added.
I put on a dressing gown, spent a few minutes making that change and speeding up hair production. There was no point in being measured and Talia buying me any clothes until my fat had redistributed. I joined Susan and Talia for a cup of tea while we were waiting. I was surprised that Susan was still here. She was obviously exhausted.
“Are you satisfied, Susan?” I asked.
Susan giggled. “I will stick to our deal and organise the correct paperwork. I expect a new birth certificate will take about a month to arrive. Do you want to keep the same name, just changing Christopher to Christine?”
“Actually my first name is just Chris, no extra, so that can stay the same. I guess they thought no one would use the full name anyway so why put it on a birth certificate. My middle name of Andrew needs to be different. I was thinking Andie, what do you think, Talia?”
“That works, and I don't think your daughter should have a hand in naming her parent,” Susan started. “That sort of leads onto why I haven't gone home to my well-earned rest yet. Chris, you were a sixty-eight-year-old man. I think we can all agree that is no longer the case. There are a few big issues that I want you to think about. Generally, transition to either gender is a slow process. Usually, there is plenty of time for the mind to adapt and think about all the elements that are involved in the other gender. In this case, not only is the transition a mere sixteen hours, you have every intention of becoming pregnant at your earliest opportunity, followed by breastfeeding a baby. Two uniquely female experiences. I'm hoping that your sixty-eight years will give you the mental strength to cope. The problem is how much mental strength you will require will depend on how you cope with being female and if you are one of the people who ends up feeling trapped in the wrong body, you need to know that before you become pregnant. I know you have every intention of completing this mad scheme, but these emotions can be very powerful and adding pregnancy to that could end up in disaster.”
“What do you advise?” Talia asked on my behalf while I was working through what she said.
“When do you plan to become pregnant?” Susan asked me.
“My first attempt will be after I release my first egg. At the moment my womb is in perfect readiness but there is no egg. I guess it will be about twenty-eight days from today.”
“Then I would suggest for the next month you aggressively face womanhood. Only wear very feminine clothes. Dresses, skirts and no trousers. Go out often and interact with others as a young woman. Surround yourself with other women and see if you can fit in. Talia can school you in feminine deportment and no one could suggest you are not female. Even if you mess up, you will just be considered a bit of a tomboy, maybe lesbian.”
“I don't care if I get labelled as lesbian. I can't be certain, but I did base my attraction DNA on a lesbian. It's a bit complicated and I don't know how much sexuality is determined by environmental factors and how much DNA influences things. I don't fancy the idea of being attracted to men and was worried that my original DNA would make me straight,” I explained.
“That is fine and missing the point. Your sexuality is your own business and is unlikely to directly affect gender dysphoria. However, you do bring up a valid topic. You need to experience what sex is like as a woman. Man or woman doesn't matter. Or if that is too radical, just masturbate. It is common to find that sex is emotional and will be a good barometer for how you are coping. It would not be healthy to find yourself disgusted with your body or the idea of your body having sex with a partner. You need to know that you can cope before you commit to nine months of pregnancy,” Susan continued.
“I'll get right on that,” I said with a chuckle, trying to lighten the moment, but Susan just stared at me with seriousness.
“From what I understand, you are now essentially ageless. Your mindset is still that of a sixty-eight-year-old man. A life already lived and mostly over. No desire for a life partner or really living. You've retired, but your body is young and you have the opportunity to change that. I think living a lifetime as a female is the perfect challenge to reinvigorate your life.” Then Susan chuckled. “Are you man enough to be a woman? Do you have the balls for it?”
I think a good part of her laughter came from being overtired, but we all ended up giggling from her attempted joke.
Chapter 7
After Susan had left we discussed what we were going to do. I think Talia was conflicted because she had emotionally committed to having Kalie cloned and all that might entail. That meant, if I was unable to cope, that dream would be gone. I thought she was brave to agree in the first place. In a private session with Susan, Susan suggested that it was a bigger deal than I had even imagined. Talia would have to give up or admit that the Kalie lying in the hospital bed was never coming home.
I believed I would be able to clone Kalie since Stormdancer had mentioned it and I had most of the skills that would be required, but the Kalie clone would never have the same memories and possibly a different soul. To counter that Talia had been talking to the unresponsive Kalie, explaining what we were going to do and requesting that her soul move across. Begging would be more accurate.
I had three different ideas of how I might be able to succeed, but I wouldn't be able to try until I had an egg to play with. My power wouldn't let me take an ordinary cell of mine and replace my DNA with Kalie's. I think that was because of the read-only files and a safety feature. I didn't want to turn into Kalie as that would mean the death of my identity. That did mean I would have to go through one period which I was not looking forward to. It's hard to complain, especially to a woman who has the same issue every month of their fertile life.
So I was fairly confident that I could clone her, but the mental aspects hadn't been properly considered. I mean I knew the intellectual idea and I had read a few transgender stories, but feeling it for yourself is a different ball game. Neither of us could refute Susan's argument which meant, big gulp, I was going on a crash course in femininity. Some of it I wasn't going to even attempt. Looking for a partner sounded like a bad idea with all that was going on or maybe that was an excuse because the thought of having sex scared me. And I would never accept a casual partner. I hadn't liked the idea of that as a man and I certainly wasn't going to lower my standards because I was now a woman. For me, sex had always been more of the making love scenario, a profoundly emotional experience. If I was looking for pleasure, well that could be done on my own, so I accepted Susan's masturbation challenge. I was looking forward to it with a curious optimism.
Dressing femininely would have to be under Talia's guidance. My body had finished rearranging itself so we went upstairs and I was remeasured. 32DD, 24, 38 were my measurements. Big jugs and wide birthen' hips. Quite narrow up top which made me look and feel a bit delicate and emphasised my larger chest. Talia then left me to go to the shops and buy me some clothes.
Left alone in the house I decided to give my body a spin, so to speak. I straight away realised it was going to be a completely different experience. I won't go into details, but it took some time to work myself up and even longer to get there but the pleasure was much more profound. I had chosen the DNA configuration of my vagina based on the woman who gave birth easily and I wasn't going to change that and my breasts and nipples were carefully chosen for easy breastfeeding. My clitoris I could change out fairly easily, so I chose one that had more nerve endings and activated my body for that change. I also went online and bought a few adult toys. I also took the time to meditate to see if I was emotionally uncomfortable in any way from playing with a very different body. I was beginning to suspect that I wouldn't have any problems and that might be part of my superpowers coming into play. Or it could just be the knowledge that nothing was permanent, I could change in whatever way I wished. Becoming trapped in the wrong body was never going to be an issue.
Talia came back and I got my first experience of female clothing. The bra was quite the contraption. As a previously married man, I had enough knowledge to know about doing it up at the front, shifting it around and then getting my arms in. It wasn't comfortable though and Talia had to walk me through how to adjust my breasts within their cups.
Putting on panties was also a mind opener. These were just plain white panties although Talia indicated that if I wanted to go with the feminine crash course, I needed to upgrade to proper sexy lingerie. It was putting them on and feeling the complete lack of anything to get in the way that blew my mind. For some reason, putting on panties reminded me in a very visceral way that my groin was now female. There was nothing to support, it was merely a case of hiding my secret garden. The dress that followed just confirmed what the underwear was saying.
I explained that to Talia and went over my feelings which were mainly shock, but no negative emotions. I also talked about my belief that I wouldn't have a problem with being female but thought Susan had a good idea. With that in mind, we brainstormed ideas and Talia being the organised person that she is, took notes and started immediate action.
Before I went out she thought I should have some girl training. Practice wearing heels, putting on makeup, walking, talking, girl mannerisms like crossing legs, sweeping my dress into place before sitting down, walking with a book on my head and things like that. Some of it you can't teach, it either comes naturally or doesn't. I also needed a couple of days for my hair to grow out. My first trip out was going to be going to a salon and spa. Manicure, pedicure, facial, massage, hair cut. The works. Then I needed to go shopping, female style, which I was dreading.
We were both joining a gym for a month and would go to aerobics and yoga. Talia wanted me to go to ballet. I think that was revenge for making her go when she was a child, but her mother got the majority of the blame for that. Ballet wasn't really suitable for my lush frame so Talia looked for what was available and came up with belly dancing or grass skirt dancing. We had a look on youtube and decided on the Hula dancing that was being run by a New Zealander. Both looked very female, but we connected to the Hula more. We also signed up for some Salsa dancing.
It was going to be an interesting month.
Chapter 8
The next three days went so wrong, so often, that I literally broke down in tears of laughter. It was a good exercise in learning to laugh at myself. I put the difficulty down to mental inertia. I had spent sixty-eight years thinking of myself as a man and therefore spoke, moved and acted how I thought a man should. When I pretended to be a woman, which is weird considering I was one, I overexaggerated everything and looked ridiculous.
It was easier to get to what Talia thought was acceptable by constantly playing a female actress. I could tone down my excesses and even when I got it wrong I still appeared to be very much a woman rather than trying to add a lifeless femininity to my normal movements and, as Talia reminded me, I wasn't pretending and I really was a girl now. It was also a lot more fun.
My voice was an interesting experiment to get right. Obviously, I already had a higher register than a man, but I still came across as stilted. We tackled the difficulty by watching movies followed by attempting to talk like one of the actresses. Youtube was a great resource and had great explanations about the difference between the phrasing that men and women use.
I also took the opportunity to try and improve my singing voice. I thought since I had a huge selection of DNA, I could alter my voice box and develop a decent singing voice, but it wasn't that easy. Funnily enough, it required altering my perception and appreciation of sound to be able to correct my tonal errors. We both agreed that I could now carry a tune pretty well and I liked how I sounded.
Makeup was a completely different adventure. My first attempts were disastrous, but I didn't really need a lot as a fifteen-year-old girl. I decided this was another opportunity to practice using my superpower. I had Talia perfect my makeup for everyday and special occasions and then used my DNA to alter the colour of my skin to mimic the same colours. It meant, after a bit of experimentation I could permanently keep a mildly made up look and an evening look. The change between them took about an hour. I could mimic the colours but I struggled with the shininess. My lips looked stained rather than covered in lipstick. Talia disagreed with me and wanted me to learn all about makeup as well as applying it. We compromised by having discussions and watching a program that was about the best makeup artists. I just couldn't get used to the feeling of having all that stuff plastered to my face so my version was my idea of compromise. If asked I would say that I had permanent makeup. The hardest element was my eyebrows. I tried removing the hair and creating makeup eyebrows but it looked like two caterpillars had taken residence. I restored the hair, allowed Talia to pluck them into shape and then did a reverse healing to stop the hairs from growing. I didn't enjoy the plucking and didn't want a repeat.
I couldn't believe how much fun I was having swishing my hips, looking over my shoulder with my hip pushed out and either winking or blowing Talia a kiss. We were having so much fun, even with a toned-down version that I think we both felt a bit guilty. How could we be happy while Kalie was in a coma in hospital? Talia was still visiting frequently and I knew we had a plan that would involve leaving Kalie behind which also made us feel bad, even if we were taking a DNA double with us. Still, I thought we were doing the right thing.
After those three days, it was time to take my acting out into the public which gave me a bit of stage fright. Still, regardless of how I looked, I had sixty-eight years of life experience and usually didn't care what others thought about me. It was still uncomfortable thinking that everyone was looking at me even if that wasn't the reality. Rather than give in to it or hide behind Talia, I leaned into my acting, gave an extra sway to my hips and smirked at anyone brave enough to catch my gaze. My stomach fluttered a few times in anxiety, but I had dealt with worse.
Wearing a dress or skirt felt out of my comfort zone when I first put them on mainly because they are so different to trousers. There is a vulnerability involved that relates to easy access to private areas with occasional breezes getting to places that I had never experienced to remind you of the difference. The same could be said of bras, another very female item that constantly reminds you that you are not male anymore, especially when you have large breasts. When I no longer was breastfeeding I would be tempted to reduce their size. Both wearing tops that showed cleavage and dresses or skirts that showed off my wide hips pushed me emotionally, but also fit with the female persona I was developing of a feminine, flirty, confident and playful woman. Quite a difference to the calm, quiet, serious but confident male that I had been.
This did worry me a bit but speaking to Susan reassured me. I thought I was faking it until I made it. She suggested that aspects of my personality that I had repressed were coming out. I respected women, but after I was married, didn't want to admit that I found any other woman attractive, as that would hurt my partner. That would cut out a lot of my playfulness and my daughter agreed because I had been playful with my children.
By this point, my hair had grown to almost reach my shoulders, but Talia wanted me to try having longer hair so my haircut was a simple shape and trim. I still had to learn how to blow dry and brush my hair as well as a few different ponytails. One low in back, one a few inches up and one relatively high which kept the wet hair off clothes if I didn't have a chance to dry it. Kalie had always had long hair and Talia had played with it, putting it into all these different styles, so I didn't want to upset Talia with objections as this seemed to be a healing moment for her.
I enjoyed the facial and loved the massage. I have always enjoyed having a massage but my skin was now softer and more sensitive so a massage became heavenly. The mani and pedi I suffered through but didn't enjoy. The different colours did help to make me feel pretty, which was something I was beginning to appreciate. I slowed down the growth rate of the nail beds so I wouldn't be cutting them all the time, hopefully reducing the need for more active care.
Most of my DNA makeup was done with shades of brown or increased blood flow to pink an area subtly. I wanted to be able to colour my nails but didn't have any human DNA to use. I had colours in skin, hair and the iris of the eye, but that was very limiting without mixing to create a fuller palette. If I wanted to experiment I would probably have to use non-human DNA. I wasn't prepared to do that yet although I had thought about it because I was sure I could use animal DNA to make myself stronger. In my sixty-eight years, I had been to numerous zoos so I had quite a catalogue of DNA to chose from. Colour changing pigments from either an Octopus or Chameleon sounded interesting but how would you consciously control it? I think I would need to add something to the nervous system and that idea scared me.
For the moment I would stick to human DNA. I had wondered about using DNA from supers to give myself powers but when I examined other DNA I didn't get the same deep level of information that I managed to get off my own about their read-only files which included where their powers came from. For this reason, when I tried to experimentally add that DNA to mine, it didn't work and I knew that was because I needed to completely understand it first. My power was not saying no, it was saying it would be dangerous to mess with what you didn't understand.
If I was being honest, I didn't have much desire to be a superhero or superheroine. I didn't like violence and I didn't like getting hurt. I did have a level of protectiveness that had prevented me from looking away when I saw somebody in need or being bullied. I wouldn't want to search for it though or enjoy the repercussions.
I loved the hula dancing and found it forced me to learn proper hip movements. I could now move my pelvis in ways that I never had as a man. It made me feel sexy. It was almost like you were demanding that people look at you. The looks from men did nothing for me, but also didn't offend me. The occasional woman who gave me appreciative glances felt exciting. According to Talia, I was a mild tease, but confident enough to pull it off without offending anyone or giving them green lights.
On the few times we went out dancing I did draw a lot of attention despite not being that beautiful. There were a few men who didn't want to take no for an answer but I just told them I was fifteen which deterred them. I was careful with what I was drinking and had no interest in playing with alcohol. We stayed away from anywhere that required ID since it would be another couple of weeks before my female ID came through.
My period, when it came was mildly painful, but I think it was the hormonal changes and general feeling of not being at my best that I didn't like. There was also a sense of wrongness. Why should my body bleed when there was nothing wrong with it? I did feel more emotional and some of the emotions didn't make any sense. I felt it was unfair that I had to go through this and men didn't, even though, until recently, I had been a man and had chosen to be in this position. I felt vaguely angry at men in general and pampering myself with chocolate seemed to mollify my feelings somewhat. I guess emotions don't have to make sense or be logical.
Chapter 9
Throughout the month leading up to my first egg release, I found out what kind of woman I was going to be. It was a journey of discovery where I had to be very honest with myself and I knew the journey wasn't over with lots more to find out. Along with skirts, dresses, bikinis, thong underwear, sexy lingerie bras, garters and tights, Talia also insisted I wear high heels. We started off with two-inch and worked up to five, but after the first week, I put my foot down, pun intended. High heels are not comfortable no matter what shape your foot is and I know because I changed my feet several times with minimal difference.
Women came in all shapes and sizes as well as likes and dislikes and after a week I felt I was allowed a few non-feminine traits without feeling less of a woman. I didn't like shopping and although I wanted to look good, I was not willing to wear anything uncomfortable which didn't just refer to high heels but bras that scratched my nipples or tops that felt like sandpaper. I wore skinny jeans once before I was determined to never bother again. Yes, they made my butt look great, but it took me ten minutes to put them on. Likewise, with the heels, I didn't care if it made me look sexier if that effort caused me pain.
The only compromise I made on this stance was about my long hair. After a week my hair was almost down to my bottom and I stopped the growth. What I wanted to do was cut it short because I felt that would still look good, but also be far more practical. However, Talia begged me not to and promised to help me cope with it. Every second day I would wash my hair and condition it. Talia would brush it out, dry it for me and then try out different styles, teaching me at the same time. It was a bonding moment for us that echoed back to when I would brush her hair when she was a child. So, despite my occasional sigh and irritable grimace when I was dealing with long hair, I couldn't bring myself to cut it. I think it would have hurt Talia deeply. Some of her caring nature, which had always been a strong part of her character, had transferred to me while Kalie was out of action.
By the time my first egg was released, I think we were both confident that I made an acceptable woman. Very young looking and sometimes my real age peeked through with either my words or the look in my eyes, but clearly female albeit a cheeky one. We were also running out of time before we moved to the Gold Coast with our belongings either sold, given away or packed. We had arranged a long term rental of a two-bed apartment in Surfer's Paradise. My change of birth certificate and updated driver's licence had come through which meant we could book a flight whenever we were ready.
When my egg finally arrived and I was ready to try some of my ideas for how to clone Kalie, my power suggested visiting her and getting a fresh sample.
It was determined fairly early on in our world's superhero experiment, that our powers were fairly instinctive and connected to our subconscious. Those who could fly, wouldn't need to practice for months or years and those with super-strength wouldn't break everything they touched. My ability to read DNA and the job I had made for myself using it, required listening to the hints my power was telling me and I had been doing that for years. It wasn't direct conversation but it sometimes felt like talking to someone who was mute. They could understand what you were asking and nod or shake their head, or even gesture with their hands but rarely grabbed your attention unless you were asking them something. This time my power knew what I intended and prodded me that it would need to be with Kalie involved. I took that to mean I needed a fresh sample, but that was not what my power was telling me.
I explained what I was doing to Talia and we both went to visit Kalie. Talia was the only person I had told everything about my power. Being able to make a clone of someone could make some powerful people very interested in me so I didn't want it to get out. I sat next to Kalie on a chair and waited for the nurse who had shown us in to leave before reaching for Kalie's hand and closing my eyes to concentrate.
The first step was fairly easy to accomplish, I removed my DNA from the egg. Then I added Kalie's full DNA. I had various theories about how I would be able to clone her, unsure which method would work. The simplest way was to replace my DNA with Kalie's and then hope my power would allow me to activate the egg. I believed in the KISS principle, so that is what I tried first.
Once the egg had Kalie's DNA, my power seemed to gather itself for activation, so I released the trigger and all hell broke loose. I felt a rush of energy, like wind, pass up from the hand that was holding Kalie's through my body to settle in the egg followed by the monitor on Kalie flat-lining and alarms blaring. I was pulled away from the bed by one of the nurses rushing in.
I was confused and alarmed, but my subconscious was clearly satisfied and happy. Talia was crying and clutching me in a corner of the room while staff tried to bring Kalie back to life. Kalie had long been removed from her original hospital and placed in long care ward. One of the people in charge ordered us out of the room as they used a defib to restart her heart. Talia was reluctant, but with my encouragement, we got her out of there.
I was trying to comfort Talia while looking inside myself to see what was going on. The egg was moving quite quickly from the fallopian tube to my uterus while rapidly dividing. When it was firmly implanted I felt a lot more secure. I was pretty sure that was much more rapid than I had read as usual.
Something from Kalie had joined the egg. My best guess was her soul was now in my womb along with her clone. I wanted to tell Talia, but we weren't left alone until after Kalie was confirmed deceased. I drove us home since I now had a valid licence. I did worry about being pulled over, but we managed to return home without problems.
“She didn't die.” I said.
“What?”
“She didn't die, my power pulled her soul to her clone growing inside me. I'll be honest and say I don't know if that will include any memories, but I have no doubts Kalie is alive inside me and I don't think it will be nine months gestation. I'm already feeling hungry from the energy she is taking from me.”
Talia looked at me with wide eyes. After the crying and running makeup that had been inexpertly wiped, she looked so vulnerable. I think it took a minute for what I said to sink in.
“Seriously?”
“I felt her enter my body and go straight to my now fertilised egg,” I answered honestly.
“Hungry... do you have a craving, shall I make you a sandwich? We can order...”
“Slow down. A sandwich would be great,” I responded.
Talia shuffled away to the kitchen muttering 'Kalie's alive' as if by repeating it she could convince herself.
Chapter 10
While Talia was occupied in the kitchen, I did a bit of research confirming that my baby was going to be ready much sooner than nine months. Emotionally I already felt a bit defensive and protective with an urge to rub my belly.
“You are sure?” Talia asked me again.
I nodded my head. “But I don't know what it means. Will she remember anything, will my power provide a way to rapidly grow her to her real age? When I quiz myself I get the impression that I can. All I can get regarding memory is that Kalie will be Kalie if that makes sense.”
Talia sighed. “That is such a relief. I trust you, I do, it's just that it is hard to believe. I guess I had better start the telephone conversations.”
“I'm not sure that is a good idea. The Dr's will provide a death certificate and you are supposed to use that to register her death and arrange a funeral, sort out her belongings and so on, but what if in a month or two we have an eight-year-old Kalie that everyone believes is dead. No one but us visits her anymore. If we handle this right, she can keep her identity,” I suggested.
We had been through the process relatively recently with her husband's death.
“We can rush the funeral and keep it to ourselves but the funeral directors will require the death certificate,” Talia argued.
“Yes, but if we have the real one, I don't think it would be that difficult to use it to make a fake one. If we have her cremated with no service and I change my looks to a fake non-existent person to deal with it, if anyone questions that she is still alive they will find a fake certificate and a signature that isn't yours. If the body is cremated they can't dig it up and the cloned Kalie will have a DNA match to show that she is your daughter and clearly alive. We'll still need to go to the Gold Coast for a while and lay low. We want anyone investigating to do so from a distance, not going to the hospital and quizzing Drs.”
“What if mum finds out?” Talia asked.
“All she will find out is that Kalie is no longer there. I don't think they are allowed to tell anyone details and if you change your phone number and forget to give her your new one until everything is settled, she never will. If this works as I think it will, I don't want anyone to ever find out that I can do this. Theoretically, I can restore someone who is about to die of old age to the prime of their life and do that repeatedly.”
“Are you sure I'm getting my Kalie back?” Talia asked again.
“Yes. I'm not sure if it will be as a baby or eight-year-old. In either case, that body in the hospital is soulless. What is inside me is the real Kalie. Same DNA and the same soul. That I am sure of,” I responded.
That night I went over Kalie's DNA carefully. I didn't want to make any changes. I knew if I kept the read-only files unaltered I should be able to alter other aspects without changing who she was, but I didn't want to take any chances. Kalie was originally born with a tongue tie. A fairly common condition that made it difficult for her to breastfeed. I checked to see if it was genetic or a developmental abnormality. I could find no evidence in her DNA so I hoped that this time it wouldn't occur, but at least I knew to look out for it.
Interestingly, I now had greater knowledge about her DNA. Having live cells that I had access to enabled me to see much deeper into her DNA including her read-only files. I could see, for example, that she would have an altered form of my power. She would be instinctively attracted to men whose DNA could combine with hers to create powerful children. She would also automatically choose the correct egg and sperm to create the best pairing. She would do most of this subconsciously, choosing what powers she wanted them to have and what sex they were going to be.
I had hoped that if I was ever able to decode other read-only files and superpowers, I would be able to add them to my DNA to give me extra abilities. However, in Kalie's case, some of the DNA I would have to replace on myself would be in my read-only files and that meant it was not possible. Not that I wanted to be attracted to men and I had most of that ability anyway. She was genetically my granddaughter, so it was not surprising.
I was sure that if Kalie, when she was older, realised that I could have altered her DNA so that she would never need to shave or some of my other alterations, she will be upset that I didn't do it. This was, however, my first attempt at cloning and I didn't want to take any chances with my granddaughter's life. Plus I wanted Talia to know this was exactly the same Kalie as she had given birth to.
Talia was in a bit of a state of shock the next day, but we still progressed with our plan. Creating the fake death certificate was easy, all that was required was a scanner, editing software and the correct or very similar paper. All we did was change the signature from the Dr to an actors signature that we found on the internet.
We used the cheapest and fastest funeral director possible and I altered my face to that from the DNA of a random old lady I passed in the supermarket. The funeral director was clearly not happy with me. I got the feeling that they felt I was disrespecting the dead and not giving the proper send-off that everybody deserved. Either that or they were unhappy that I was choosing the cheapest options. I ignored their pressure with confidence.
At the end of the week, we had a jar of ashes that I buried in our garden and planted a rose bush on top. The next day we flew to our new life in the Gold Coast. I didn't know how to measure it, but I was already beginning to show a bump and was eating every couple of hours to keep up with the nutritional demands. I had also bought various nutritional supplements to help the rapidly growing fetus and Talia was treating me like a princess.
Chapter 11
We had chosen the apartment because it had great amenities and was close to restaurants. I was hoping to enjoy my time swimming, sunning myself in my daring bikini, using the hot spa and going out for food. Instead, because my pregnancy was progressing so fast I was stuck in the small space, feeding every two hours. My original plan was to see a doctor, do the usual things a normal pregnant woman would, but my abnormal speed meant that I would have to wait until delivery time. We also had to come up with a story so we wouldn't have child support workers visiting in case that speedy growth continued.
We decided that we would pretend that we were just visiting the Gold Coast and our life was back in Adelaide. Our driving licences were still from there, we would just have to claim that we came here by car on a short holiday and got stuck here with a temporary problem. Car trouble seemed the most likely. That would work for the hospital staff and we could have the birth certificate sent to our Adelaide address. We had already organised our post to be redirected so it would eventually find its way back to us. Neighbours and local people, on the other hand, just needed to be avoided until everything had settled. That meant I was stuck inside. That would have driven me crazy except after one week of being pregnant I was able to estimate another two weeks until delivery.
In the end, it turned out to be twenty-three days. Emotionally, I was a mess. Hormones going crazy, feeling hunger almost all the time, cabin fever and scared of labour and delivery. Talia was a star, going out at all hours to get me food, cooking whatever I wanted, massaging my feet and most of all, supporting me with her love.
My power did come in at the end. I knew exactly when the process was finished and then I was on a countdown timer. I could start the labour whenever I wanted and if I didn't it would eventually start anyway. I also knew the longer I left it, the worse the delivery would be. Despite being terrified I was more scared of making it worse. I visited the hospital and organised a check-up, explaining that we were on holiday and were meant to be back in Adelaide a month before, but car trouble had delayed our exit and I was worried because I was due any day now.
They agreed to give me a check-up and I started the labour process. I had done my homework to make my birth experience as mild as possible. Still, the slow, inevitable ramping up of pain, lack of dignity as you were naked with people examining your vagina, no idea how long the process was going to take or how painful it was going to go. When I reached eight out of ten on my pain scale I asked for pain relief, but they refused as I had only been in labour for an hour. Half an hour later they refused because I was fully dilated and needed to push. Kalie was born, or reborn, twenty minutes after that.
I was traumatised, but overjoyed. There was a little bit of tearing which needed stitches. My intention to get my body to rebuild the whole area would have to wait until after I left. I could feel my power working through my breasts as I fed Kalie, I just had to hope I could leave the hospital before they noticed anything.
They had rechecked her weight and were surprised by how much weight she had gained, but it was also a sign that Kalie was a healthy baby so after one day of rest in the hospital I was allowed to leave. Talia brought a bassinet and loads of baby supplies and we returned to the apartment.
Kalie was a quiet baby only grumbling when she was hungry or needed a nappy change. I was still feeding like crazy because she was drinking a lot of milk every two hours, so a new marathon started. We knew we had Kalie back after a week of this and Kalie started looking more aware, was physically the size of a two-year-old and turned to Talia and called her 'Ma'. We cried.
A week and a half later, with so many nappies filled, so much food eaten and feeling like I was more of a human cow than a woman, Kalie looked like an eight-year-old. My power still wanted to go to my breasts but we didn't want her to get any older so I pulled it back and stopped breastfeeding her. During most of this time, Kalie was only occasionally aware, spending much of the time sleeping, eating and shitting. It took about a day for her to return to full awareness.
Kalie remembered her dad hitting her and not much after that. It sounded like fever dreams where you are not quite sure what is real. We had to explain what had happened to her father. I think her emotions were very mixed. She was scared of him, but she loved him. We decided that we would take her to some professional help. We also needed to properly start a life here in the Gold Coast and I made the monumental decision to stay as a woman for the moment.
The pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding had been annoying, awkward, scary, painful and very exhausting. But. If I was being honest it was also satisfying, rewarding and filled with love. I was having fun being a woman so why would I go back?
I spent a week recovering my body reserves and my sleep. We had fun as a family, going to the beach, visiting the different attractions and relaxing in the sun. I cheated by getting a protective tan in three hours by choosing skin DNA with a Mediterranean background. Stretch marks and all other signs of the process, repaired and returned to normal.
Talia struggled to let Kalie out of her sight but also started organising her new life. Setting up schooling and looking for work as she was getting bored. She only wanted to work during school hours. The two-bedroom apartment wasn't feeling big enough anymore and I had to work out what I wanted to do with my life. Talia was pushing me to go out and live life. She found a salsa dancer offering lessons and signed me up.
Chapter 12
Stacy's POV
I was feeling a bit depressed going to the dance club and almost ducked out of it, feigning tiredness. Being one of the strongest regenerators that excuse was never going to wash and what I felt was more of a world-weariness. Again I thought about retirement. Despite being sixty-four-years-old my body looked to be in its late twenties and was in the prime of life, but ten years ago my long-term partner had broken up with me because everybody thought we were mother and daughter. Ever since then I had felt the weight of years. This new set of superheroes were great people and insisted on involving me in the more social side of life, but I still felt like an outsider.
My eyes were drawn away from my group to a young girl, too young to be in the club even, dancing with beautiful hip movements and a gentle swaying body. I wasn't the only one staring, but most were just giving her a bit of space and admiring glances. One guy, however, stepped forwards when her back was turned and gave her arse a good smack. I was there before I could think about it, shoving him out of the way. I turned back to the young girl who was looking at me with a raised eyebrow. That's when it dawned on me I had moved a little too fast and she probably thought it was me smacking her.
“Err... that wasn't me.” I looked about frantically for the culprit, but he had disappeared.
She looked at the lack of someone else to blame and the blush rushing to my cheeks. Then she gave me a naughty admiring look, top to bottom. “If it was you, honey, I don't mind. Come dance with me,” she said with a sweet playful voice, holding out her hand to pull me in and lord help me, I couldn't resist.
Her sweet innocence pulled me in and we danced together looking into each other's eyes, until I realised I was leading her on and I needed to stop.
“I need a break,” I said. “ Where are your friends?”
“Trying to escape, eh? I'm flying solo tonight,” she replied.
I lead her back to my group and got her an unopened soft drink that she requested and introduced her to the undercover superheroes. My body was very interested and I could tell that she was as well, but she was much too young for me and even as young as she was, I would outlive her. That was part of my depression, I was resigned to being on my own for the rest of my life.
“I am too old for you,” I told her.
She laughed and shook her head. “Tell you what, let's make a bet. If you are older than me, I will walk away, but if I am older than you, you will take me on a date.”
I laughed in disbelief. “Sure,” I said.
She passed across her driving licence. To be honest she didn't look old enough to have one. She was born four years before me. She was sixty-eight. There was a note in the superpowers that said age regression. I still didn't believe it.
She was smiling at me cheekily. “So where are you going to take me?”
My brain had stopped and struggled to get going again.
“I've broken you, have I?” She put her drink down, grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the dance floor. “Let's dance then.”
She was older than me. I wouldn't outlive her, she would outlive me. Did that bother me? Should that bother me? I would become an old lady while she still looked young. I would be such a hypocrite if I refused even trying for a relationship. In fact, she was one of only a few people on Earth who I could have a long term relationship with. We grew up in the same era, we were a similar age. People would think I was robbing the cradle, but I have always claimed that I didn't care what other people think.
I allowed myself to be dragged onto the dance floor, stopped thinking and just tried to enjoy the moment. It wasn't that difficult, her dance involved a hypnotic hip movement that trapped my eyes and pulled my body closer.
I felt my depression lift as new life and possibilities lit up my future.
I'm not sure how long we danced for, to be truthful the building could have fallen down and I don't think I would have noticed, but Jordan found me, congratulated me on my conquest, and informed me that everybody else was leaving. I headed back with Chris to say goodbye.
Chris looked at her forgotten drink with a frown and then looked around, spotting something that upset her, judging by her face.
“What's wrong?” I asked her.
“My drink was spiked with something, and I'm pretty sure it was that guy over there,” she said pointing to a tall man almost holding up a woman, she looked out of it. Normally, you would think she was just drunk, but if that guy had added something to her drink as well, we could be watching a crime in progress.
“How do you know?” I asked curiously.
“Part of my power,” she responded.
“What do you want to do?” I asked her.
She smirked. “Hide behind my big strong regenerator with speed and strength, while she sorts it out. He doesn't have any powers if that helps.”
If she knew my powers and knew he didn't have any, did that mean she had uncovered the identity of all my group? What on Earth were her powers?
“And if I need proof?” I asked.
“I'm sure your friend, Jordan, can do a little look-see.”
So she knew Jordan was a telepath. I spoke to Jordan and told her what Chris suspected and also that I suspected Chris knew who we were.
She looked at the guy in question and gave a disgusted grimace. Then turned to look at Chris, a shocked expression briefly highlighting her face. Telepathy had turned out to be less dangerous than science fiction had suggested. Telepaths had the ability to read other people's surface thoughts, but couldn't influence those thoughts or even communicate unless that person was also a telepath. Nor did anyone seem to have a natural immunity except telepaths themselves and the very rare Null. Even mad scientists struggled to reliably block the ability.
“Yes, the guy is guilty as hell. The woman with her I can't read as she is largely unconscious, certainly her thoughts are incoherent. Chris expected me to check her thoughts and straight away admitted that she had guessed who we were. She is also very much in lust with you. She thinks part of it is that she is in a teenage body and she intends to hold herself back until she knows you better.”
“Enough,” I said before she revealed anything more personal. “I'll block him from leaving with her, can you stay here with Chris and call the police. Sarah can film this in case he tries to sue us or something. Hopefully, he has restricted products on him and the police can chase it back to his suppliers.”
Chapter 13
Chris' POV
I watched Stacy stride purposefully towards the slimebag, while Jordan phoned the police and explained the situation. They would need an ambulance as well. That woman was not looking in a good way.
“I'm surprised you didn't notice before I pointed it out,” I commented to Jordan.
“Like every telepath, you learn to treat the thoughts like white noise and ignore it. It's easier with more people about you. I'm glad it doesn't bother you.”
I suspected that her ability to read thoughts would bother a lot of people and, even if you had no choice to constantly hear other people's thoughts, to hear negative crap just because of something you couldn't help, would be a type of hell I didn't want to imagine.
“Yes,” she said with a sad smile, following my thoughts. “There are plus sides,” she said with a smirk of her own, “we make great lovers.”
Naughty, naughty, she wanted me to think about sex. No, she is probably a master of getting people to think in the direction she wants and was steering me away from thinking about the negative aspects. She wouldn't want me feeling sorry for her.
She sighed. “Too intelligent.”
Stacy hadn't actually intervened with the guy, just stood near waiting for the police while prepared to prevent him from leaving or catching the woman before she collapsed. Another of her friends had her phone out and was recording the situation in a non-obvious way.
“Do you know the woman's name?” I asked Jordan, I thought I could help with the woman if the police arrived first, if only to provide moral support.
“He isn't thinking of it and she is out of it. We can move a bit closer if you are worried,” Jordan suggested. “He is beginning to become suspicious of Stacy.”
When the altercation happened it was quick. The police arrived, the man pushed the woman away from him pretending that she was bothering him and tried to walk away. The woman fell to the floor, only to be caught by Stacy who managed to somehow trip him up in the process. Quite masterfully done. I rushed to help with the woman allowing Stacy to keep a better eye on the man, but the police arrived and hustled him outside quickly. We stayed until the ambulance men arrived and took her off our hands. This left me in the middle of the superhero group, feeling a little exposed.
“We need to have a conversation and I think it needs to be private,” Stacy told me. “Will you come back with us?” she asked.
I sighed. “Sure, just let me phone my aunt to let her know I am alright. I figure I should be safe with you guys.” It was half statement and half question.
Stacy nodded.
“Aunt?” Jordan asked.
Telepaths knew when you were lying, so I allowed the fact that Talia was my daughter, but looked like my mother now to rise to the surface of my thoughts.
Jordan still looked confused.
“I'm sixty-eight, I can't call her my daughter now, can I?” I responded.
“She's sixty-eight and knew...” Sarah started.
“This needs to be private. Just let her reassure her 'aunt',” Stacy interrupted.
I put the phone on speaker so they knew there was no funny business. “Hey, princess, I'm going to be a bit delayed, so don't wait up.”
“Oh, what's the problem,” she asked.
“No problem, I err...” I paused thinking of a good excuse and only think of one and it wasn't ideal. “I got lucky,” I said eventually.
“That doesn't sound like you,” she stated.
I pretended to sound hurt. “Hey, that hurts.”
She snort giggled. “I didn't mean that. You have never been interested in one-nighters, even more so now.”
“True, true.” I looked at Stacy with a grin. “But Stacy is special, she has even promised me another date so I should be good. Anyway, as embarrassing as this conversation is, I need to get going. See you tomorrow. Love you.”
“Love you,” she said automatically and I put the phone down before there could be more awkward questions.
Chapter 14
I thought I would be taken back to the superhero building for my interrogation, instead, we went to a set of apartments that were in a non-descript high-rise, behind and towards the sea from the very visible hero building. The entrance was average, clean with a set of post boxes and two elevators facing each other. Once we all piled into the elevator, Stacy placed a hand over my eyes as someone played with the controls. I noticed we were going down, beyond at least two floors below the basement.
As the elevator doors opened, automatic lights came on and showed a tunnel. There was a clear camera before with a phone on the sidewall. Stacy waved before the camera, picked up the phone and explained that they were bringing a guest to security. At the end of the tunnel, there was another elevator that took us up to an open plan area with a kitchen, large dining table with chairs and three different lounge areas, one with a bookcase overflowing, one with a large screen and multiple game stations and a more traditional multiple sofas with a TV.
I was expecting an interrogation room so when the girls steered me to the comfortable seats I was pleasantly surprised. I shared with Jordan my image of a white room, white table and a huge light that someone was shining in my eyes with the hint of a German accent.
“So, what do you want to know?” I asked innocently.
“Everyzing,” Jordan said giving the German accent I was looking for.
“You have compromised our normal identities,” Stacy stated.
“How have I done that?” I asked. “Just because I worked it out, doesn't mean anyone else has.”
“I don't think you get this. You know. We don't know you. That means compromise,” Sarah pointed out.
“That is why we need to talk to you,” Stacy said.
“And I want to know how she knew,” Jordan added.
“Well, I'm here to make sure I organise a second date with Stacy,” I sassed.
“OK, let's start from the beginning. Where do you live and what do you do for a living?” Stacy asked.
“I'm sixty-eight years old and am currently living with my daughter and granddaughter, in a two-bed flat, so I suppose, I am looking for new accommodation. Since I have a biological age of fifteen, I call them my aunt and cousin. I'm retired and moved to the Gold Coast to start afresh. Not really looking for work at the moment, just finding my feet and working out what I want to do.”
“How did you work out our identities?” Sarah asked.
“As is fairly obvious, I have a superpower. I don't mind telling you the basics, but if you try and dig deeper with Jordan here to listen to my thoughts, I'm going to want to leave quickly and if I accidentally think of any dangerous elements, you will cause me to change my identity and run away. Nothing illegal, but I don't want to be a target or let my family become one.”
Everyone looked a lot tenser, so I obviously hadn't expressed myself well.
“You have a lethal power?” Stacy asked.
“Not to other people,” I answered, but it did occur to me then that I didn't know if pulling the soul to a cloned egg was voluntary or my power forced the issue. Either way, it wasn't lethal. “Just has the possibility of ruining my life, not others.”
They looked at Jordan, who nodded her head.
“So you don't want us to ask questions?” Sarah confirmed.
“I don't mind polite questions to expand on what I tell you or for clarification purposes, but no questions about whether I can do anything else and anything I tell you will be kept confidential.” Then I laughed. “This sounds like I am bigging this up. I wouldn't have mentioned any of this if I didn't have a telepath looking at my thoughts. My powers are not really that impressive. It is all DNA based. I can taste DNA. Taste isn't really the right word, but I don't think there is a right word. In the case of my own DNA, besides a core bit of DNA that I call my read-only DNA, that I think represents the elements I cannot change without altering who I am, the rest of my DNA I can swap with other people's DNA. So I can make myself taller, shorter etc, etc. The more I change the longer it takes for the change. If I activate my entire DNA rather than just a section of it, my body goes into a deep sleep for sixteen hours and I wake up with all the changes done and biologically fifteen years old. So age regression is what is on my driving licence and passport. No, I can't activate anyone else's DNA, but I am aware of all the DNA that I come into contact with and can read that DNA to some extent. There is a difference between live DNA and dead DNA. Live DNA which is mainly my DNA as well as bacteria and viruses that enter my body, I can understand completely, whereas dead DNA, which I am guessing is skin cells more than anything else, gives me a general idea. I can tell what someone would look like, what powers they might have, but reading that is more an art than a science. In terms of tonight, I could tell you all had superpowers which is a statistical anomaly, then I noticed the skill sets fit with the known powers of the Gold Coast Supers. The man who spiked my drink left his DNA on my drink, so I knew a man had interfered with it and what he looked like. It was a guess that he had spiked it, but what else was likely?”
There was a pause while they digested my explanation and also thought carefully about what to ask.
“OK, I have a question. I am the strongest regenerator on record in the world. I don't mean that as a boast, but I was told that I am going to live for hundreds of years and would eventually become the longest-living human. Why haven't I heard of someone who could potentially live forever?” Stacy asked.
“Well, that is an easy one. I didn't know I could activate my entire DNA and regress to teenagehood until a few months ago. Let me tell you, growing old isn't fun, so now that I am in a young body again, I feel full of life and want to enjoy myself.”
“You would make a perfect spy. You could look like anybody,” Sarah commented.
“I don't like violence and as much as I appreciate the job you guys do, I wouldn't want to do it myself.”
“A telepath would pick her out in a hot second,” Jordan pointed out.
“She would be a great detective, though. She could probably show us all the faces of the people who were present in a crime scene,” Sarah suggested, not deterred.
“I don't mind helping out, but I wouldn't want to endanger myself or my family. It would probably take about three hours to change my face to someone else's. It wouldn't affect the hair, show any damage that might have occurred or the age although I can tell the age of the DNA I sample, I can't artificially age my body.”
“That would still be really useful. We have software that can age an image or you could work with a sketch artist. Kidnapping or child abductions could really use those abilities and having an idea of perps with what superpowers they possess would be invaluable. I will talk to Derek the manager tomorrow and see if he is interested. You can either be hired full time which includes an apartment that is connected to this office or work as a consultant for a case by case fee structure. That is if he agrees,” Stacy said thoughtfully.
“Do I still get my date?” I asked cheekily.
Chapter 15
Jordan let me stay in her apartment for the night since for whatever reason she had two bedrooms. She lent me a nightie and we put my clothes for a wash and dry ready for tomorrow. It did mean no panties for the night. That wasn't a big deal except I knew Jordan was reading my thoughts and when a movement or accidental action reminded me, I could see Jordan blush. I may even have paid attention and allowed my thoughts to wander in that direction to get a rise out of her.
I lay in bed that evening thinking about being a teenage girl. Seeing Stacy standing behind me looking strong and proud after someone had given my arse a swat had caused a rush of lust beyond anything I can recall. Maybe I had similar feelings as a young man on my first crush, but that was so long ago, my memory of it is gone. If I was truly as young as my biological age I would now think I was in love. Logically, I knew that all I had experienced was a chemical attraction and I knew Stacy had a similar reaction. How did I know that besides the obvious look in her eyes and acting possessively with me while we were dancing? The amount of DNA coming from her panties spiked in my presence in the same way mine did. If we did go on a date I think I will be putting a pad in place. Curiously, Jordan was also showing a minor spike from her panties, but that could be from the teasing I am intentionally doing with my thoughts.
I have also noted that I am behaving and feeling different as a woman. Stacy made me feel feminine by her being the protective one and I liked that. I would never have thought that I would be the submissive one, but I think there is an element of that because Stacy is definitely not submissive.
The next morning Jordan was up way before me and woke me up leaving it as late as she could. I had a quick shower, got dressed and followed her into the hero centre. She left me to relax in the lounge, told me to help myself with the food and drinks before heading off for her office.
I didn't feel that comfortable raiding their pantry but I was feeling hungry so I had a piece of toast and made myself a cup of tea. I suspected Jordan's first job was to report on me and her reading of me. It amused me that I had thought that before she left me, so she knew what I was thinking and didn't contradict me, which I felt was a confirmation and she knew that as well.
I had tried not to think about telepathy and Jordan in particular, but I'm sure some of my feelings leaked out. I felt sorry for her. Her gift was incredibly useful but made her a social pariah. Even though I tried not to be bothered by something she couldn't help, I had a secret that would be dangerous if revealed. My worry was that Jordan was doomed to a life alone. It would be hard enough to find someone who would be willing to date a telepath, but to never have a hurtful thought was nigh on impossible. She would have to date an angel or be hurt frequently.
In my own case, my wife stopped loving me when I put a bit of weight on. Of course, that made everything worse and I ended up putting more and more weight on. And that was without being subjected to her actual thoughts, just the looks of disgust and that was beyond hurtful. Maybe Jordan could date another telepath or a null. Null's were pretty rare and I suspected dating another telepath would either be heaven or twice as hard as dating a norm. People tended to be judgemental and withholding the negative verbally was fairly easy, but if someone could hear your thoughts there would be no holding back. It does get better with age. I have found myself much less critical as time has passed but that could just be me.
A guy in his forties came in, my DNA check put him at a biological age of forty-eight with a typical brick type superpower. Strength, flight and invulnerability. No regeneration so that was probably his real age. He glanced over at me and then concentrated on preparing himself breakfast and a cup of coffee before joining me.
“Here to try out for the Gold Coast Supers?” he asked before taking a big bite of his bacon and egg sandwich.
I smiled politely. “I'm too squishy for that. I may be a consultant for investigative work. I'm Chris.”
He waited until he swallowed. “Adam,” he said, “well, good luck.”
“Thanks.”
We then had an awkward silence before Stacy came into the room and gestured for me to follow her. She was dressed in combat fatigues, but still looked sexy.
“I've explained to Derek about your powers and suggested how useful they could be. The rest is up to you,” Stacy told me.
“Thanks. I wasn't really looking for a job, but I don't mind helping out. I still want my date though,” I reminded her.
“If you stay as part of the team, taking you out for a date will become a lot easier,” she commented but didn't look enthused.
I sighed, discouraged. “I'm not going to force the issue. I just thought it would be fun.”
We arrived before an unmarked office door. Stacy stepped closer to me and put a hand on each shoulder looking into my eyes. “I had a lot of fun dancing with you and would love to take you out on a date. I'm about ten years out of practice and had been resigning myself to be alone. I also don't look my age and my last partner broke my heart. I'm looking forward to shaking the cobwebs off, I just need a bit of time wrapping my head around it. Please be patient with me. My head is saying stupid things that I need to get out of my system.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“You are too young for me so I will look like a cradle robber if we go out. I will grow old while you still look young. I know neither of those makes sense but my last partner broke up with me because she started looking a lot older than me. I didn't care, but she did. It has made me sensitive to the issue and I need to shake it off.”
“Alright. I will back off. Let me know when you are ready. I will say I am not used to these teenage hormones, they are making me a bit aggressive,” I admitted.
She gave me a small smile. “I've enjoyed the attention.”
She knocked on the door, waited for a response and then indicated for me to enter.
Chapter 16
“Come in, have a seat,” Derek said. He had stood up when I entered and sat again after his gesture towards the chair on the other side of his desk.
“Pleased to meet you,” I responded.
“Stacy and Jordan have told me about your powers and they do sound useful. I don't think we will find out how useful until you join the team and show us what you can do, so I am thinking of hiring you for a trial period. Are you interested?”
“What are you offering?” I asked.
“What do you need?” he countered.
He was probably expecting me to name a sum of money but that wasn't the first thing that came to mind.
“I need a new ID, at the moment my present ID reveals my real age of sixty-eight and I think that is dangerous. I also need a place to live and since I have just retired, I don't want to have a nine to five job.”
“We have apartments available, so that is no problem. We can make you a consultant, rather than an employee, which means we will call you when we need you rather than have you sitting in an office. How much you get paid with then be determined by how often you are needed. That is a bit of a risk though, financially,” Derek responded.
“I am happy with the standard rate for a consultant. I am not rich, but I am set up for my retirement, so I am not worried about money and only want to be paid if I have earned it,” I replied.
“Excellent. The ID request sounds reasonable, but I will need to kick it up the chain. I don't have the authority or the connections, but we do a similar thing with the regenerators, so a legal ID shouldn't be an issue. For superheroes, we tend to be quite thorough and label you as an orphan so no criminals can come after your family. It is standard policy that you need a full-body suit including an armoured mask before you can officially start, but since you are not part of the offensive team, a Raven suit will be sufficient. There is not much point in filling out any paperwork until you have your new ID,” he said, then pulled open a drawer and withdrew a phone. He wrote down some notes and then passed the phone to me with a cable for charging. “We will give you a call when everything is ready.” He used his landline phone to ask for his assistant to come to his office. “April will take you for the three-dimension scanning and then show you one of the available apartments. You won't be able to officially move in until all the paperwork is done, but she can give you a key so that you can start moving your stuff in straight away.”
He then stood up with a genuine smile on his face. “Welcome to the team,” he said holding his hand out for me to shake it.
After a quick hand crushing shake, I was allowed to escape. I guess I had a job again.
April took me to a room where I had to strip down to my underwear and put my feet on the marked spots with raised hands. Thirty seconds later I was able to get my clothes back on. The Raven suit is just a black armoured cloak with a hood. Worn in conjunction with a mask it provides bulletproof protection, anonymity and looks pretty cool.
We returned to the apartment complex and I was shown an identical two-bed apartment. Apparently, the joke was on me last night when I was told to stay with Jordan as she had a two-bed apartment. The smallest built was a two-bed. I was given a key and shown the communal swimming pool, spa bath, sauna and gym. I wouldn't have access to the secret tunnel until I officially joined. All the residents were either superheroes or relatives of superheroes, however, some of those relatives didn't know that, so we had to pretend to be normal and not give anything away. The gym was a normal gym and useless for those with physical superpowers.
I exited and made my way back to Talia. It was most of an hour walk, but I didn't mind the exercise, it gave me time to think. I hadn't really had much time to enjoy my retirement, but I knew I would have gotten bored quickly. I didn't have regrets about the life I had lived up to now, but there were things that I wished I had done. I loved to travel and there is always more to see, so I had been vaguely planning a round the world trip, but that could be done later. The two other things that I had wanted to start was learning a musical instrument and foreign languages. I didn't want to stop learning Salsa, Hula and any other dances that caught my fancy. If I was only doing consultancy work, I should have time to start all that.
I didn't want to stop seeing Talia or Kalie, but I also wanted to keep them safe from any involvement that my new work might bring. Kalie was more interested in the friends she was making than anything else, still getting over what her father had done to her and coping with a mother who was smothering her but trying not to. Adding me to the mix and explaining who I was would have been dangerous since I doubted an eight-year-old can be relied upon to be discrete. She only vaguely remembered that I breastfed her and soon put that down to her head trauma. She considered me her older cousin whose presence meant she didn't get a room of her own. I would keep an eye on her as best I could from a distance.
Talia had been my main concern, but she had met a man when she was looking for a lunchtime waitressing job. I think it was just what she needed although it was early stages and may not go anywhere. It was interesting talking to her now that I was a woman rather than her father. I got far more details and was able to giggle with her as she explained his clumsy attempt to get her phone number.
I felt a little sad to feel less needed and slightly like I was getting in the way. In a weird contradictory way, I also felt satisfied. I had been through my kids leaving home before and it was sort of like that, except I was leaving them.
I did want to reduce any connection between us from affecting them and since I had the ability to change my looks I wanted to take advantage of that. Changing my whole body would take too long, but changing my face would take anywhere from two to three hours depending on the changes. I waited until Kalie was back and explained that I was going to change my face so she would associate the new look as still being her cousin. My new look was designed to be quite different to my usual look, but I could only know the generalities of the changes until I looked in the mirror. My face went from round to more heart shaped, my eyes separated slightly, turned green and appeared bigger, my nose shrank slightly and turned up a bit.
“Nope,” I said with a sigh. I'm not that vain, but my face was now too beautiful. It would attract attention and that was the last thing I needed. Kalie would be going to bed soon, so she would have to see the new me tomorrow.
I tried again, making my face square, my eyes bluey grey and my nose straighter and a bit bigger. I now had three face settings. Normal, Beauty and Plain. My normal I would categorise as a seven out of ten, Beauty was nine and possibly a ten with the right makeup and Plain dropped a bit to a six out of ten.
I was hungry after all that, so I fixed myself a meal and went to bed. From now on, Talia and Kalie would only ever see Plain me, and I had asked for them to come up with a name for me. Talia thought Tina would work as it was a short form of Christina. I removed all my stuff from the bedroom in one go the next day by hiring a man with a van to do the heavy lifting. I would be sleeping in the provided apartment from then on but spent the days with Talia and Kalie. We had fun shopping to fill Kalie's new room and set it up properly. Likewise, I had to order furniture for the apartment.
At one point I had to go to my apartment, change my face back to Chris and get some passport photo's done and pass them to April who came to my apartment to pick them up. Two weeks after my talk with Derek, I was presented with my new ID and introduced as an official new member of the team. My new name was Josie Christina Hughes, I was eighteen years old with a Queensland driving licence and Australian Passport and birth certificate. I had to learn a fake history, but it was sparse and fairly easy to remember.
Chapter 17
Derek's POV
“So no thoughts about babies in her mind?” I asked Jordan. It didn't make sense to me, according to my records, Chris Heaven had given birth to a baby daughter a little more than a month ago.
“No, sir. She said she had a daughter and granddaughter. Maybe the granddaughter is the baby?” Jordan suggested.
“No. Her granddaughter has entered the school system. Age eight, according to my notes. There is no evidence of any baby beyond a birth certificate. An analyst suggested that with her DNA manipulation ability she created a fake baby just to get a birth certificate so that she can create her own fake identity in fifteen years. It all sounds very suspicious especially with the conversation where she stopped you asking questions about her ability in case you learned something she didn't want you to.”
“She did say it wasn't anything dangerous, just something that would make her a target,” Jordan said.
“Being able to make fake babies would not make her a target. With her ability to change who she is completely, if she decided to disappear it would be almost impossible to track her. She has already moved her money into a Swiss bank account so we won't be able to trace her through her money. Now apparently, she has created another different face for when she visits her daughter. She is clearly worried about security, almost paranoid.”
“I don't think she is paranoid. Those people are constantly thinking that people are watching or listening. I would describe her thoughts as cautious,” Jordan corrected.
“She is definitely hiding something that she thinks is a big deal and until we know what that is, we can't trust her. Your new assignment, outside of your usual duties is to hang around her as much as possible and see if you can work it out. We will assign you together as much as possible.”
“Do you want me to bring up the baby or press her on her abilities?” Jordan asked.
“No, we don't want her to know that we are watching her or do anything that will cause her to run. We will accept her into the team and treat her normally, only you have been informed of the discrepancies in her story. We want her to relax and let her guard down.”
Josie's POV (Previously Chris)
I was kept a lot busier than I was expecting. I didn't see much of Stacy because she was training with SWAT most of the time. Because of her speed and regeneration, she was the pointy end of the SWAT spear when it was needed but only brought in when violence was necessary. That was pretty rare in Surfer's Paradise, but they trained constantly so when they were needed they were the best they could be. Adam, Sarah and another guy called Pedro were the obvious superheroes. Their job seemed to be more PR than action. They were dressed in superhero costumes, albeit all body bulletproof versions, did patrols and helped out where they could. They were all fliers and could cross the city quickly. Superhero versus supervillain fights were rare and usually ended up in a life or death battle, which was both why those fights were rare and why there needed to be superhero groups rather than individuals. Supervillains tended to be individuals, but the clever ones stayed beneath the radar, usually working for organised crime. Groups of supervillains tended to be stamped out quickly by the superhero governing body, the Superhero League.
Every superhero registered with the Superhero League. I didn't know that until I joined up. I was now considered a superhero. Small s. I had to sign an agreement which the world governments had agreed to, which meant I was not allowed to use my powers aggressively outside of Australia unless the Superhero League recruited me to become a member. The most powerful superheroes became members and took an oath to be apolitical and work purely for the good of mankind. It was these people who stopped several wars that almost started when superheroes first started appearing and was the reason for its formation.
As for my job, I was paired with Jordan and attended crime scenes. Most of my cases were solved pretty quickly, it was just a case of gathering the evidence to prove what I had already said. That was mostly Jordan's job, so we worked well together. I had to work with a sketch artist and in a few cases, transformed my head to show how a fifteen-year-old version would look.
There is not that much crime in Surfer's Paradise so my work didn't take up that much of my time, but when you added dancing lessons, Spanish lessons and guitar lessons, along with time to practice, my time was nicely filled. Not so busy that when Stacy contacted me after a week I was unwilling to create some space. We started slow by going out to dinner, followed by a dance club. The spark was still there and I had to reign in my lust and just give her a kiss when she brought me back to my apartment. That was when I realised I needed a girlfriend to talk to. I felt like a volcano ready to erupt with emotions and needed someone to vent to. I did phone Talia, but it didn't feel right beyond a bit of squealing. Jordan was wonderful. We had been spending a lot of time together. I suspected that was deliberately done, as I was both new and admitted that I had secrets. Still, Jordan could literally hear my thoughts so there was no holding back with her. It was like I felt the need to go over everything, from what I was wearing, what we ate, talked about, where we danced, everything, including our first kiss.
The kiss was interesting, as Stacy took the more dominant role and there was something nice about feeling small, vulnerable and protected. My body started reacting and I exited quickly before I changed my mind. On the second date, we had a romantic walk along the beach with an ice cream. We held hands and sat down together in a slightly secluded part of the beach to watch the sunset, before a lot more kissing and a fair bit of groping.
For the third date, Stacy invited me to her room for a romantic night in. She had cooked spaghetti meatballs and the first movie we watched was Lady and the Tramp. We didn't get to the end of the movie before we were in each other's arms, kissing and touching. We moved to the bedroom with my heart beating like mad. Stacy definitely took the dominant role and I was made love to rather than the reverse. The loving was very nice and I had lots of orgasms, but it was the shared music, films and books that we had both grown up with that made our connection easier. Dating someone similar in age meant we had so many things in common that there were always things to talk about.
We announced to the team that we were officially going out together and had another girls night out, this time without drama. The loving got better as time went on. Stacy had a love of using a strap on and I altered my body so that I could enjoy what she enjoyed. Not that I didn't enjoy her initial efforts, I just couldn't orgasm from penetration alone, at least, not without some DNA changes. Similarly, she wanted to penetrate my bottom. I think it was a mental dominance that turned her on more than anything, and with the right DNA I found that enjoyable as well. I determined that I could be submissive to a point, but anything that caused me pain and I would rebel. We almost broke up when she spanked my bottom. Lightly done and I was fine, but when she hit me too hard and I felt pain more than sting and it was like a switch turned off and all my lust left me.
We managed to talk it out and return to a very happy relationship, to the point that we moved in together after another month of dating. Work-wise we barely saw each other, occasionally in the hero lounge, but most of the time together was when we were both free.
Chapter 18
Work-wise I was very successful but limited by the freshness of the evidence. Because I was so sensitive to DNA, any attempts by the criminals to hide the truth quickly came to light, but if too much time passed, so much other DNA contaminated the situation and made it very difficult to make progress. I was so successful that I moved quickly to become a national consultant. I was flown to the highest-profile cases across Australia and even had an amended agreement to work in the US, Canada, Britain and Europe. It would need to be serious if I was called abroad considering the freshest crime scenes were the most valuable and by the time I got there the crime scene would no longer be fresh. However, that was solved with the help of the Superhero League. They had a powerful teleporter who would get me relatively close and travel with me so that he would have more locations available and return me after the job was done.
Jordan stayed with me even though most locations had their own telepaths. Part of that might have been because we worked well as a team. I would often communicate with her by thinking clearly about my results so that she could take action. We didn't want the perpetrator to know that we were on to him and if we were in a location that wasn't secure, it was a good way to keep operational security. Having said that, any telepath could have done the same thing. If I was being kind I would say they were trying to help the little teenage girl by having her friend go with her, but honestly, I thought it was so the Australian government could keep tabs on me.
Before the Washington case, my life was close to ideal. I was in love with my partner who loved me back, we didn't smother each other but had great nights out and even better nights in. I had a close girlfriend in Jordan and, although I didn't have much time to spend with Talia and Kalie, both were doing very well and getting on with life beautifully.
The Washington Case
It was about mid-afternoon when I received the phone call. A twelve-year-old girl had gone missing during an evening party. That was enough for me to agree. The twelve-year-old girl, Abby, was the daughter of a Senator's Aide. I didn't know what a senator's aide did, but I figured that they would have the senator's ear and therefore a certain degree of political power. I cared for none of that, just the missing girl.
Jordan and I put our Raven suit on and waited for pick up. Cole, our teleporter, arrived promptly and a few seconds later we were in Washington. We actually arrived in the superhero lounge. They were aware of our impending arrival and had cleared the room so we didn't meet the superheroes until later. At that point, we went out the front and into a police car that put the sirens on and whisked us to the mansion where the girl had gone missing.
I was introduced and given a sample of the girls DNA from a toothbrush. The mansion had a garden with a hedge maze. Nothing too elaborate, still the hedge was thick enough that you couldn't see through it. I did my best to follow the highest concentration of her DNA like a bloodhound. I could tell where she stopped for a while as the concentration was higher than when she just passed through. My initial pass through took me through the maze, out the back end and then across a lawn to meet with the driveway where the DNA tapered off. The back of the maze had no lighting so a picture was beginning to emerge of her being kidnapped, taken to a car and driven off. In the maze there was too much different DNA to be useful, however across the lawn, with her DNA was the DNA of a man that was high enough to suggest he was the one to carry her or force her to the car.
These findings were a political hot potato because every car that came into the mansion was filmed and identified, which meant it was someone from the party. I was relaying my thoughts to Jordan who spoke to the FBI agent to organise a sketch artist.
Fairly quickly we were ushered into a large RV type vehicle and we went through the usual process. Since it was the only lead I was also asked to change my face to what the DNA suggested. I'm pretty sure they knew who the guy was long before my face had completely changed. They took photos and aged the face to the biological age of thirty-four. I set my face to change back as I went to sleep in a nearby hotel. Jordan and I sharing a two-bedroom suite.
What happened next I only vaguely remember. I heard something, possibly my name being called by a stranger. Not sure exactly, but something that made me wake up and raise my head to look. There may have been a person at the end of the bed, then brief intense pain, that I remember clearly.
I woke up in hospital with a police guard next to my bed.
Apparently, I died. Shot in the head, twice. Whether it was because I had already activated my body to change my head back to normal or an automatic reaction from my superpower, my heart kept beating and my head was already in the process of repairing itself when they found me in the morning. Jordan was not so lucky.
I insisted on seeing the body. I'm pretty sure they thought I was in denial, but I had a plan. My body was already changing to my birthing best, as in the same womb and vagina DNA I had used to have Kalie, at the same time as I was preparing an egg. If it was Kalie's soul that I had sucked into my egg previously, then maybe I could restore Jordan. It has long been hypothesised that the soul lingers after death for at least a few days and with some people having superpowers who insisted they could talk to these souls for up to three days after they had died, I hoped Jordan's soul was still available.
I was checked out by doctors who had to admit that I was physically fine. Eventually, I was allowed to see Jordan. I suspect some of the delay was to try and make Jordan look a little more presentable. She had also been shot in the head and that makes a mess. I sobbed when I saw her. I tried holding her hand with her DNA in my egg, but it didn't work. I was beginning to panic and probably looked crazy when I started waving my hand above her body, hoping she was there somewhere. At the end of my reach, I felt it. A rush of wind through my body settling in my womb. I cried even more then, in relief.
As far as the case goes, we followed normal procedure. The man I had identified was lined up with other people looking similar and I picked him out with his DNA. That was enough evidence to allow questioning with a telepath. He was a different Senator's bodyguard and the child had been abducted for the Senator's sick pleasure. The case unravelled very quickly after that and the child was returned to her family. I don't know whether she had been abused before they found her, I just hoped not. I had done as much as I could as fast as I could and tried to console myself with that.
Chapter 19
I was an emotional mess when I returned home. Based on my experience with Kalie, I had twenty-three days before I would give birth to Jordan. That meant in a week I would be the equivalent of almost three months pregnant. Around that time my belly would begin to show signs and up until then there would be other signs like increased hunger, restlessness when sleeping and more emotional generally.
It helped that I looked as bad as I was feeling. Besides behaving without my usual sass, I looked pale and withdrawn. My head injury resulted in large patches of baldness. I could have sped up the hair growth, but I didn't feel like it, I had a haircut to bring all my hair to buzz cut length and wore a wig when I needed to look presentable. The ability to swap my hair for different colours and styles would make me even harder to find when I wanted to disappear.
I was probably not at my most logical but I had to make decisions and make them quickly. My first and most obvious was that I didn't want anyone to know of my ability to resurrect someone. I was sure it was a limited type of resurrection, where I need their DNA and soul. I had no way of knowing how long a soul lingered after death. I wanted so badly to tell Stacy. I loved her and should have been able to tell her everything, but a telepath would be able to hear anything that I revealed. Likewise, I couldn't be around a telepath while I was thinking revealing thoughts. I had a brief respite while they looked for and hired a new telepath since Jordan was no longer available.
My body would start showing signs of changes within the first week and if Stacy was making love to me, I was sure she would notice, so I had to use my emotional vulnerability of having died and come back to life as well as lost Jordan as an excuse. I would also need to go away for an undetermined length of time to birth Jordan, breastfeed her until she was fully mature and stop thinking about it so my surface thoughts wouldn't give me away. I couldn't go before the week was up because I wanted to stay for the funeral. Actually, not wanted but needed to stay. I knew she was in my belly, so I wasn't grieving, but no one else could know that, so to keep the secret, I had to be there. I was still shaken up from the whole affair so manufacturing tears would not be the problem.
Two things occurred to me regarding my death. First, my age had returned to just fifteen, not almost sixteen which meant my body had done a full reset. I was also missing a day which meant I had gone into a deep sleep for more than my usual sixteen hours, presumably to repair as well as restore. My initial thoughts were that my face reset had been interrupted and just started again, but that wasn't the case. I had died and that had caused a whole-body reset.
The other thing was that I was too squishy to be a superhero. I was wearing a Raven suit for a reason, but I looked into the Raven suit and although it was classed as bulletproof that was only true for a certain calibre of bullet. It didn't cover explosions, energy blasts or mad scientist weird weapons. I wanted to help people, but most of the time I was called in, it was to find the culprit, not save someone and the said culprit didn't want to be found. They were even prepared to make sure that they couldn't be found and as my ability to find them became more well known, an incidence like this was inevitable.
That was the excuse I was going to give to Stacy and the team. I was re-evaluating my career choices and needed some time away to determine what I wanted to do with my life. Stacy was the hardest one to leave. She offered to give up superheroing, but she loved the life and I couldn't do that to her. I did consider it. If we weren't worried about a telepath I could tell her everything and I wouldn't have to bear this burden alone. My power was both a gift and a burden. Since I was able to save my granddaughter and now my best friend, I would never regret having this power, no matter what sacrifices I would have to make.
Making decisions was only one part of the equation. Somehow I needed to work out the logistics. It was hard enough to go through pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding when I had Talia to help me, to go through it alone would be a nightmare. The pregnancy and breastfeeding I thought I could manage. I could order food online whether that was takeout or home delivery of shopping. I thought I could get away with others seeing the obvious weirdness of a rapidly progressing pregnancy or growing child by renting a holiday home in a busy high rise and changing my face every few days. The different wig possibilities would add to that dynamic.
For the childbirth, I would need help. Unlike the usual process, I could predict the exact day and initiate labour deliberately. What I needed was secret help. Talia couldn't take two months off, but a week was possible. Kalie would have to come as well, but if she was only present for the end days of the pregnancy and the first days of breastfeeding, the weirdness would not be apparent and if I had a different face on she wouldn't know that it was her cousin let alone her grandfather. The trick was convincing Talia to help. She was not a midwife or qualified in any sense of the word and was more than a bit reluctant.
I wasn't that keen myself, to be honest. I was firmly of the belief that being close to pain relief was a very good idea as well as expert help. However, there could be no official record which meant no hospital, no proper midwife or other experts. And no pain relief. I tried to console myself that they hadn't let me use pain relief last time anyway and I had carefully chosen my body to make pregnancy and childbirth as easy as it gets.
Talia reluctantly agreed to help, but only because I admitted that if she said no, I would be attempting to go solo. She wanted to be present in case she needed to call an ambulance. Of course, Talia didn't know who I was giving birth to and I didn't like her even knowing that I could clone people. If she was ever questioned by a telepath it would all come out and that possibility had kept me awake some nights. I did have a disappear strategy if it ever came out.
Chapter 20
The other major decision was that I couldn't have Jordan be an exact clone of herself. That would give the game away. She also still needed an identity. Changing Jordan's face to look like someone else, was not a problem. I was confident after my experience with Kalie that as long as I left the core read-only DNA intact, Jordan, or whatever she was called, would still be herself. This also gave me the possibility of using some DNA from one of my cases.
Hannah Serra was an abduction case I had worked on where the perpetrator was a Null. I had identified him easily enough, but Jordan was unable to read him. We had used my evidence to obtain a warrant to check his apartment where I found more DNA evidence of Hannah's presence. Fortunately, for the case, but not for Hannah, he kept trophies of all his victims and we obtained enough evidence to put him away for life. We were pretty certain that Hannah was killed, but he dumped his victim's bodies at sea and it was never found. Age-wise she had been sixteen. I didn't know whether I was able to age a cloned body to anything past fifteen, but if not it would be close enough.
The biggest downside was that it was a high profile case in New York because Hannah's parents were very rich. I'm not sure if it would be kindness or nasty cruelty to believe that their daughter had survived with little memory. The fact that Jordan was a telepath would help her fit in, but it would be likely that an investigating telepath would be involved so she would either have to pretend that the experience had caused her to develop telepathy or a Null state. It did mean I had to choose a location in the states for my rental location. I chose Florida because I would only need Talia for one day and there were lots of attractions that we could take Kalie to. I would have to go to the park either very pregnant or with a small baby, but that was still doable.
I wish I could have discussed all this with Jordan, but if wishes worked, she wouldn't need me to rebirth her. I had to do what was practical and what I thought she would like. We had both commented when we had worked the case how nice Hannah's parents were. I had expected entitled rich parents with a superior attitude but instead found a lovely couple devastated by the loss of their daughter.
I thought a few genetic modifications that would make Jordan's life easier would be appreciated. After all, Jordan had expressed envy about my hairlessness, strong nails and ability to eat what I wanted without putting weight on. In addition, I decided to give her the elements I had tried and tested with Stacy so that she would have a rewarding sex life if she would ever go out on a date. So her bottom, vagina, clitoris, nipples and feet were all going to be highly reactive. Hannah's DNA indicated only an A cup in the breast department, so I increased that size to a C cup. Partly because that is what she had had as Jordan and claimed to be satisfied with, but partly as that would suggest she had matured and time had passed suggesting she was older than when she was abducted.
I contemplated other changes but decided that I needed her to be a close match for Hannah's DNA to the point where it would be a ninety-nine point nine percent match and indistinguishable from Hannah's original DNA. I knew that just because she looked like Hannah, that didn't mean they wouldn't test her DNA.
Having her inside me also gave me the chance to examine her read-only DNA much closer as well as the rest of her DNA that was now 'live'. Two things occurred to me, I could alter my DNA to become a telepath and Jordan had another ability that she didn't talk about either because she kept it a secret or she didn't know. Unlike in Kalie's case, becoming a telepath did not require any alterations to my core DNA, likewise with her other ability which was to partition the mind. To be honest, I didn't want to become a telepath and yet, at the same time, I didn't want a telepath to be able to read my mind and this would solve that issue.
Telepathy itself was nothing like I expected. It wasn't the case that a telepath reached into people's minds to read their thoughts. No, people were constantly shouting their thoughts and a telepath just had the ability to hear them. And the reason why telepaths couldn't hear other telepaths was more of a feedback mechanism. If you could hear people shouting their thoughts from some distance, imagine how loud your thoughts would sound. As a consequence, telepaths naturally reduced the loudness of their thoughts so that it was only a whisper and even other telepaths wouldn't be able to hear them. They could, however, deliberately speak louder which allowed telepaths to talk to one another, but only what they wanted to say, not unwanted accidental thoughts.
Partitioning the mind was a wonderful ability that was the ultimate in multitasking. You could set a part of your mind to do something different to the other parts. It might be something simple like work out a shopping list while your main mind was on the phone with someone or watching TV. I played with having both abilities and it allowed me to have a compromise where I was telepathic but the part of my mind that could hear other people's thoughts didn't report those thoughts to my main mind unless there was a good reason. My main mind still needed to be telepathic or I couldn't learn to reduce my shouting to a whisper, but I had the sensitivity of my main mind at the minimum. The hope was that I would get all the benefit of having an unreadable mind with none of the consequences of hearing unpleasant thoughts.
I loved the ability to set part of my mind on task and then forget about it until it chimed in with a conclusion. So I could be constantly alert, even when I was asleep while not worrying about it. I set that up about a week after I had left Australia, not realising how tense I was about going to sleep until I had played with Jordan's abilities and come up with that solution. Not surprising when I think about it in hindsight. I was, after all, killed in bed shortly after I had fallen asleep.
I did a bit of internet research to see how Hannah's parents were doing and the answer suggested not very well. Hannah was an only child and without her in their life, her parents had withdrawn from society, with her father resigning from being the CEO of the family company. It had only been about three months since she had been abducted and they were clearly still grieving. The process was even harder because there was no body to bring them some closure.
That element of my plan was a bit hard to deal with. I was constantly having second and even third thoughts about it but just couldn't find a better answer. Jordan would have to decide what she was going to tell them. I would have to stay away which was also giving me some emotional pain. I was trying to save my best friend, but in the end, I was going to have to leave her to fend for herself and have nothing to do with her. I couldn't or connections could be made and secrets revealed.
The other element I was struggling with was my relationship with Stacy. She had not wanted me to go and I couldn't tell her when I would be coming back. At least now that I had protected my mind from telepaths, I could return after Jordan was ready, but I would face some questions about becoming a Null. Not that I was one, but I wasn't going to admit to being telepathic. I phoned her every night but refused to answer when she phoned me out of the blue. I couldn't admit that the reason was because I needed to change my voice box back to one she would recognise. I couldn't do video calls because I didn't want her to see me pregnant and after the baby was born, a crying baby would be hard to explain. I claimed that I was on a journey of self-discovery. We were both going to live for a very long time and I needed to work out what I wanted out of life. I claimed to be meditating and even did do that so that I would look practised when I returned and my phone was permanently on silent.
Chapter 21
Saying goodbye after the funeral was difficult, but the trip to Miami was quick and easy. I was on good terms with Cole, the Superhero League teleporter and he agreed to drop me off and pick me up when I was ready. I think he felt sorry for me after my time in Washington. He also told me that he would be speaking to his superiors and if I was willing to work again, he hoped to arrange superhero bodyguards.
The next two weeks passed quickly as I played both with Jordan and my genetics and powers. I went out frequently, mainly to eat, but every couple of days I wore a different wig and different face. Then Talia came with Kalie. It was quite a long flight so they arrived exhausted and spent the next day recovering with only a short trip to the beach and out for food.
Then it was time for the birth, the most dangerous and worrying part of my scheme. I tried to stay strong and not cry out and really the pain never reached the highest level. I was so grateful that my power allowed me to chose a configuration that made the birth process more manageable. Talia had been studying both textbooks and watching youtube videos so that she could help me as much as possible. Two hours after the start of labour and Jordan/ Hannah was reborn. I tore again, but since it was just the four of us, I could reset my vagina, in fact, I returned myself to my normal settings ready for Stacy again, apart from my breasts.
We then had three wonderful days taking Kalie out to Disney. I had to watch and carry baby Hannah, but nothing brings a smile to your face better than watching a child have such fun. They then returned to Australia and I soldiered on. Once Hannah was too big to fit in a pram I was mostly stuck inside the apartment. Theoretically, she was big enough to walk, but in reality, she was either asleep, feeding, pooping or half-aware. I did realise that was coming so I stocked myself up with loads of protein powders, and food generally. Takeout food deliveries were also very helpful, but, by the time Hannah had finished maturing and my breasts stopped naturally, I was exhausted and probably a bit malnourished. Constant sleep interruption with forcing food down so you had enough to give to a young child to grow quickly, resulted in a level of tiredness I don't think I have ever experienced.
Curiously enough, Hannah stopped at the biological age of sixteen which I think just shows different people mature at a different age. I returned my face to my Josie appearance as that was the one most familiar to Jordan/ Hannah.
It was all worth it when awareness finally returned to Jordan/ Hannah's eyes about a day after her last breastfeed. Her eyes lit with recognition. “Josie? What happened? Why can't I hear your thoughts?”
I sighed in relief. “What is the last thing you remember?”
“You had found a lead on Abby, we went to bed and now, I'm here, feeling... weird. Do I sound right?” She tapped her throat trying to work out why she sounded different to normal.
“You need to stay calm as some of what I am going to tell you will be alarming. Remember I told you originally that I had some secrets that I didn't want anyone to find out,” I asked.
“Yes. To tell you the truth, I was asked to spy on you, but I knew you had guessed that.”
“Well, you have just had a front-row seat to my secret. I have the ability to clone someone and pull their soul or spirit from their original body and into my clone. It is sort of like reincarnation without losing your memory. In your case, I had to push the boundaries a little. Come with me, I need to show you something,” I said, before leading her to the bathroom so she could see her new face.
“That's... that's Hannah's face. Why did you do this to me and why do I have Hannah's face?”
I took a deep breath. “You might want to sit down for this one.” We both went back to the lounge. “I don't know how to say this gently, but that night when we both went to sleep, an assassin entered our room and killed us both. For some reason, my ability activated and after a day and a half, I woke up, restored. You did not. I believed that souls linger after death so I rushed to your body, which took some begging, I assure you, cloned your body and crazily started waving my hands above your body until finally, I felt your soul join your clone.”
“I died?”
I just nodded and gave her time.
“Why Hannah?” she eventually asked.
“First of all, I don't want anyone to know what I can do. Every rich old person in the world would be after me. Even worse if they think I can raise the dead and I could hardly tell everyone, no, don't have a funeral for Jordan, she is alive as an embryo in my womb. So your Jordan identity is officially dead. Nice funeral by the way. Your mother was sweet, your dad a bit emotionally dead and your brother talked about how horrible it was to have a telepath as a sister. Aside from that, I cried buckets and I knew you weren't really gone. Whilst you are within me I have the ability to alter your DNA. There are some core elements that I can't change or you wouldn't be you, other than that there is much I can change. Incidentally, when I can see your DNA in action, I have a much better understanding of it and if it doesn't correspond to areas of my DNA that are my core elements, I call it my read-only files, I can add your abilities,” I explained.
“So you are now telepathic?”
“Yes, well, sort of. You have another ability that I call mind partitioning. I didn't really want to be telepathic so I have set a part of my mind to receive all the data but not inform my main mind unless there is something important being revealed. My main mind is telepathic with the minimum level of sensitivity, just enough to keep my mind quiet. Anyway, back to you. You couldn't be you anymore, but you still needed an identity. I have to be honest and tell you that I made the choices for you that I thought you would have wanted. I would love to have consulted you, but that wasn't possible,” I admitted.
“OK, so Hannah because we were sure she had died, but there is the possibility that she is alive.”
“And she would be the right age. I can only mature my clones until they reach maturity then my power stops. And her parents are lovely although they are still grieving right now and how you want to deal with that I will leave up to you,” I agreed.
“Was there anything else you changed?”
“Maybe, but just a few cosmetic things that you had already admitted you liked. Like hairlessness, C cup breasts, having a metabolism that means you will never become fat, things like that,” I said, looking away.
“What else?” she asked.
“Humm?” I asked with an innocent look.
“I may not be able to read your mind anymore, and I hope we are still best girlfriends. I can tell when you are being economical with the truth, so, what else?”
I smiled at her a bit naughtily. “I didn't touch your sex drive, but let's just say I made sure all the working parts are in spectacular order.”
Chapter 22
It was easy enough for me to say that her old life was over and the identity burned, but not so easy for Jordan to say goodbye, especially to her family. To be fair, being a telepath was not good on social interactions. It's hard to smile at someone who was scared that you would unearth their darkest secrets while thinking of those darkest secrets that you had to pretend to unhear. It pretty much ruined her relationship with her father and brother and even made her mother uneasy. Her brother was just paranoid and blamed her for anything that went wrong in his life. Her father worried that she would reveal his marital indiscretions and kicked her out of the house as soon as he could. Her mother didn't fight for her and even knew that her father hadn't been faithful but didn't want to confront him.
For all that I felt her family had treated her poorly, she loved them, so agreeing to never contact them or speak to them again was difficult. In the end, she realised that letting them know she was still alive was impossible and she had to let it go. They had buried her physical body. There was no way they would believe her and any attempt to prove it would only be by revealing secrets they didn't want to be known, that any telepath could have found out.
Similarly with friends, besides me, who was old enough that I didn't really care if she could hear my surface thoughts, most people tended to shy away from telepaths. It was also a decision she had to make for her new life. She had no idea of the potential in the mind partitioning. She had used it unconsciously, but only for little things. Telepaths usually revealed themselves by knowing more than they should and Null's were rare so when another telepath couldn't read you, you were considered a telepath until they realised you couldn't hear other minds. She could do something similar to me and pretend to be a Null. For me, it was an easy decision, but Jordan who now insisted I call her Hannah so that she could get used to it, anyway, the Jordan that she was had tied her identity with being a telepath. It was the reason for her social isolation and also the ability that helped her find work and get paid.
Hannah's parents were very rich, so if she pretended to be their daughter, she would never need to worry about money again. After much thought, she decided that the pain of being a telepath was not worth the compensations, so she set up her mind partitions and telepathy like me. Hannah's next moral dilemma was what to tell Steven and Joy, Hannah's rich parents. As a telepath, she hated the idea of lying to them at the same time she couldn't reveal my involvement.
Hannah wanted to tell them that she was a clone rather than their original daughter. We started with that premise and tried to create a story from there. The only people who would logically be able to create a clone was a mad scientist and most mad scientists were too science obsessed to be either good or evil. However, they also couldn't hide their thoughts from a telepath so the only option was to pretend to be cloned by an evil mad scientist who had died recently.
There were none in the news in the right time frame in the US so we stepped it up a gear. It was also where we found that combining telepathy with mind partitioning made the telepathy much more effective. Hannah knew what mad scientists sounded like from using her telepathy previously. Of all the different superhero types, only mad scientists think differently. First Hannah set her mind partition to inform her main mind of mad scientist type thoughts. We then travelled around Miami until we found one, mainly on the bus. I was then given a brief training in telepathy and listened to the difference between a mad scientist and everyone else. We found a hotel within listening distance so that one of us could listen in to determine if he was good, evil or morally grey. While one of us stayed to listen in the other continued the search for another.
We found three in Miami and all three were morally grey. We moved on going through larger population centres and essentially spying on the resident mad scientists. I asked why the government didn't do something like what we were doing and Hannah explained how difficult it normally was to go through thousands of mind voices to pick out the ones that were saying anything actionable. Our mind partitioning was really showing its value.
We found one in Tampa and two in Orlando, both grey, however, we found an evil one in Jacksonville. We bought a burner phone, I changed my voice to a random male voice and we gave an anonymous tip to the police. Because of what we had telepathically heard we could include that he was a super doing human experimentation. Evil mad scientists had a tendency to have hidden labs which is what we had found, but they also tended to have self-destruct triggers and elaborate escape plans. The normal tactical response was to send a telepath to check it out. We couldn't hear the thoughts of a telepath if they did send one, but we did hear the explosion when it happened and the mind of the mad scientist going suddenly silent. This was our chance. I said goodbye to Hannah although I hoped to use a disguise and check on her at a later date. We set up passwords so that she could know it was me. She then headed towards the explosion so that she could hand herself in to the police while I headed back to Miami. When I got there I phoned Cole and he teleported me back to Surfer's Paradise.
It wasn't even a week before Steven and Joy announced the miraculous return of their daughter. She was being tutored at home to catch up with all that she had missed before she returned to school the next year. There was not a doubt in my mind that she told them she was a clone of their daughter, but that didn't seem to bother them.
Before she left, Hannah made two confessions. Despite not realising it, when my mind was open to her telepathy, there were several instances where my mind had marvelled at the difference between being a woman compared to a man. So she knew that I had previously been male. It hadn't bothered her then and didn't bother her now. The second confession was that she had fallen in love with me. I was the only person who knew her and loved her, warts and all. She knew I loved someone else and had therefore never mentioned it, but now we were saying goodbye, possibly forever, she felt the need to get it off her chest. She knew I loved her as a friend, but she had always yearned for more. She gave me a passionate kiss and then walked away.
Mind blown.
Chapter 23
Although I had used my needing to work out my future as an excuse to justify my absence, there was an element of truth to it. The more successful I was, the more likely criminals would target me to prevent me from catching them. I needed to balance my desire to help and save lives with the danger doing so involved.
My answer was that I would work abductions, kidnappings and missing children on the condition that I was properly protected. I met the new telepath who was working for the team, but he would not be accompanying me on any journeys outside Australia. He immediately questioned why he couldn't hear me and I was brought before Derek to explain. I talked about my ability to alter my DNA and my experimentation with the Null I had met in Hannah's case. What I said was true, but in reality, I hadn't found a way to incorporate or use any DNA from the Null. Regardless, the story seemed to make sense. I could tell they didn't like it and much preferred when my mind was like an open book, but they could hardly tell me to undo my changes to make them more comfortable.
Life slowly returned to normal, I was whisked away on a regular basis and was as successful as before. Rather than jump straight back into bed with Stacy, we went on a few romantic dates and our passion was reignited. She became my main bodyguard when I was out on cases. At first, our relationship was even better than before. My main mind was still telepathic, but with sensitivity dialled down to the minimum which meant I didn't hear anybody else's thoughts. At least, that was what I intended. How it worked practically was that I could only hear the thoughts of someone who was very close to me. Normal social distances and I didn't hear anything, but when I was intimate with Stacy her thoughts made themselves known. Since we had had a long absence, her initial thoughts were very complimentary, however, after we had got back into more of a routine she expressed a mild dissatisfaction. She wanted me more submissive, willing for her to smack my arse red, and quite harsh thoughts when she was holding my head in place so that I could pleasure her. Things like, 'suck it bitch', 'know your place' and even 'that's my good little slave girl'.
I suppose I had probably guessed she was thinking things like that, but it is quite different when you can hear it. Ignorance is definitely bliss. I didn't blame her or think badly of her for her thoughts, it's just the fantasy she found turned her on. I was sure there were women who would have been turned on if those things had been said aloud. Unfortunately, I was not one of them.
It didn't stop our lovemaking. I think it just took the shine off. I wasn't quite sure what I should do. I certainly didn't want to admit that I could hear her thoughts. The person I would have normally talked it all out with was Jordan. Nor could I call Hannah because there was no logical reason for us to know each other. In the end, I did nothing. I was happy enough but aware that both Stacy and myself were not quite matched sexually and that left a mild strain on us.
On other levels, life was changing as well. Talia was getting serious in her relationship with the cook at the restaurant where she was waitressing. She had moved in with him which meant my casual visits had to become a lot more structured and that was difficult with a job that could call me out at any time of the day or night. At the same time, she didn't need me anymore. That brought a certain amount of sadness, but I had been through it before when my kids first left the family home. I consoled myself with the knowledge that both Talia and Kalie were happy. Robert, the man in question seemed like a nice man. I may or may not have had Jordan check him out previously and did my own telepathic check. He was a good man and cared deeply for them both. It was time for me to step back and let them live their life.
Six months after I returned from Miami, Stacy revealed thoughts that killed our relationship. 'I wish she was Celeste.'
I couldn't sleep that night and I couldn't leave it. It wasn't just the words, it was the emotion behind them. I had no question in my mind that Stacy still loved Celeste. When Stacy woke up that morning I spoke seriously and told her we needed to talk. We both got up and got ourselves ready before sitting at the kitchen table.
“You spoke in your sleep last night,” I told Stacy.
“Oh, what did I say.”
“I wish she was Celeste,” I stated.
“Ah,” she said quietly. She seemed to deflate a little. “I can see how that would be hurtful. I don't want to break up with you,” she said looking me in the eyes. “I'm going to call the office and have a day off. I will tell you everything you ask as truthfully as I can and when you are ready, I will take you to Celeste.”
She already knew I was free unless someone called me for an emergency. I was half wanting someone to call because I was not looking forward to talking. My heart already felt broken. Most of my tears had fallen last night after I knew Stacy was asleep.
Stacy came back to the table. “There, all organised.” She took a deep breath. “Celeste was the person who I thought was the love of my life. We met when I was barely twenty and we stayed together until I was fifty-four. Thirty-four years of what I thought was relationship bliss. The only argument we had was about what other people thought. I aged slowly and Celeste aged normally and she started off eight years older than me. People started to think we were mother and daughter. I laughed it off, but Celeste took it seriously. I'm not sure if there was one specific incident or a gradual accumulation, but ten years ago, I came home to an empty apartment and a letter. She had accepted a job application in another country.” She paused for another deep breath. “You are the first person I have dated since then.”
“Why do you think you were mumbling about her last night?” I asked. I have to admit I wanted her to talk about her dissatisfaction in the bedroom, expecting that to be the answer, but what she said surprised me.
“I found out yesterday that she has retired and returned to Surfer's Paradise for her last few years.”
Chapter 24
Celeste was not in great health and was now in a nursing home. I'm not sure who was more nervous, me seeing the proverbial other woman who, after ten years, was still bright in Stacy's mind, or Stacy who hadn't seen or spoken to Celeste for ten years.
I wasn't feeling angry or jealous, just sad. To some extent, this woman had ruined Stacy for love. Ten years after leaving, and a harsh breakup, she was still who Stacy wanted to be with, who she compared anyone else to. I knew I couldn't continue the relationship because I had been compared and come out second best. That wasn't acceptable to me.
The meeting was awkward. I looked like a young teenager, Stacy looked to be in her twenties and the love of her life was seventy-two and looked old. I've seen some seventy-year-olds who were full of life and could probably have passed as people in their fifties, but not Celeste. There was still love in Stacy's eyes which told me it was true love and I couldn't compete with that. I left them to have some time together and then requested some private time with Celeste.
“Please don't hurt her,” Stacy begged me.
If she truly thought I was going to hurt her, she really didn't know me at all.
Celeste smiled at me. “So you are Stacy's new love. Quite ironic that she is going to be the old lady in your relationship.”
“You seem happy,” I commented.
“Yes. You prove me right. Leaving Stacy was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I had to do that or she would never have found love again.”
I sighed. “No. I'm afraid all you've done is lost ten years when you could have both been happy. She pretends to be happy and she is certainly less depressed than she has been for the last ten years. But...” I took another deep breath. “I am not Celeste. I do not measure up.”
“How can you say that? You are young, pretty, talented I hear. You can be with her for centuries.”
“And yet it is you she still wants. That tells me you have something real,” I said quietly.
“Bah, if I have another year I will be doing well. I can tell you love her. That will have to be enough. As time passes she will forget about me.”
“You are right. I do love her. Let's talk about something nicer. Do you believe in reincarnation?” I asked her.
“No. I don't believe in god with a small g or a big G. To be honest, I am looking forward to the end. I used to be so scared, but now I am in constant pain and I can't wait for the end.”
“Say I had a superpower and I could wave a magic wand and return you to your youth, full of health and vitality. Would you want that?” I queried.
“Of course, but that is not what I have to look forward to.”
After meeting Celeste, I knew what I had to do. Before I announced anything I needed to prepare.
Stacy was quiet on our journey home. I set one part of my mind on the task ahead of me, with my main mind I concentrated on Stacy, giving her space to get her thoughts in order and waiting for the right time to talk.
“You know our relationship is in trouble?” I asked her.
Stacy took a deep breath. “Yup. I brought you to Celeste to show you that she is an old woman and not worth your jealousy. As old as she is, I still love that woman and that is not fair on you. I don't know what to do.”
I thought about arguing the jealousy label. I wasn't jealous, just sad. It wasn't going to help the conversation though.
“I need you to book some time off. Two months should do it. We will spend two months together in Miami, in one of those apartments where I found peace after Jordan died. In the meantime, I am going to start visiting Celeste. I want to hear of your life through her eyes and I know she will enjoy telling me. You should probably spend some time with her as well, just not when I am there. She said she won't last a year, but the nurse I spoke to suggested it could be soon. They couldn't give me details because I am not a relative, but I could almost see her DNA breaking down.”
“OK,” Stacy said quietly.
When we got back to the apartment I made up the bed in the spare bedroom. I didn't want to cry in front of her and I certainly couldn't handle physical intimacy. Stacy booked the time off and one of the same apartments I had used previously. She even booked flights although I knew it was not going to go as she planned. I anonymously booked a different apartment in the same building for the same time. We had about a month before we were going and it was an awkward time for us. Stacy threw herself into her work and I avoided her when I could. We both went separately to visit Celeste. I couldn't tell Celeste what I had planned but I made sure I had verbal permission with hypothetical scenarios.
A day before we were due to leave, I pulled Celeste's soul into my cloned egg and her body died. No one was really surprised and there was no attempt to resuscitate her. I informed Stacy, told her to stay for the funeral and I would move to Miami ahead of her. I cancelled the flight and called Cole for the favour.
I knew Stacy might need support, but she would also think it reasonable that I wouldn't want to give it for the other woman. I couldn't tell her the truth because she would be in the company of the telepath and I wanted my reveal to be on my terms. Not that I doubted the reveal was coming.
I checked into one room, changed my face and checked into the other room. I bought some new clothes, a wig and essentials that I placed in the second apartment. Maybe I was being paranoid, but I worried that tracking devices had been put in my clothes, so the second apartment contained nothing that wasn't newly bought and I had a new outfit that I would keep for the eventual disappearing act. It was just a bikini and wrap. Enough to be acceptable attire for moving between rooms and nothing more.
While waiting for Stacy, I had the chance to check out Celeste's DNA and see if there was anything that was worth adding to my own. Celeste was clearly a superhero. Her mitochondria produce a ridiculous amount of energy that seems to fuel a mental ability to channel energy. She could fly, create an energy shield, which was surprisingly rare, and release bolts of intense energy. I worked out that the reason she had deteriorated quite quickly as she got older was because she stopped releasing that energy, which bottled up and started causing damage.
I couldn't use the mental ability to channel energy as it covered some of my read-only core files, but I could alter my mitochondria. I needed to experiment a little because I needed an outlet for the extra energy and I didn't know if my powers were a sufficient outlet. Nor could I change my whole body as I was pregnant. I started with just a finger. I worked out if there was going to be deterioration it would be slow so I was safe to change a bit more of myself. I changed my arms and legs.
I didn't notice any change with the finger, but when I changed my arms and legs the increase in energy fuelled my natural micro telekinesis and my domain. I didn't actually know I had a domain, just that my micro telekinesis only worked within my body. My body was the limit of my domain and now that more energy was available, my domain expanded. It was, to be honest, too much information and if it wasn't for my mind partitioning, I would have had to revert quickly. I had an awareness of everything, down to the level of DNA, which is very small, that was within ten metres of my body, in all directions. More than that, I could use my telekinesis on anything within my domain, both micro and macro. I could pick up a grain of dust or I could pick up a heavy weight. I couldn't test out any limits, but within my domain, there didn't seem to be any. I could even pick up myself. I could fly! It also meant I was constantly using energy, so I would never have the deterioration issue.
The extra energy also meant my transformations were quicker. It took about thirty seconds for my face to change. Although the energy in the cells was there, I still needed physical materials to build a baby, so that element wasn't any faster and I wasn't using fat stores when I changed now.
I would need a lot of experimentation to work out what I was capable of and I would need to do a complete body reset, but both of those would have to wait until after Celeste was mature.
Chapter 25
Stacy didn't join me for two weeks. I suspect one week was for the funeral and one week was to get her emotions under control. She thought the love of her life had died. I was sure she still cared for me, but spending two months with me after Celeste had just died was probably the last thing she wanted to do. After a week and a half, I was beginning to think she wouldn't be coming.
Leaving it two weeks meant I was the equivalent to five and a half months pregnant with only nine days to go before birth. There was no way I could hide that so she just looked at me in shock when she opened the door to the apartment.
She hadn't warned me that she was coming and it was hot so I was swanning around in a bra and panties, bare belly, clearly showing my pregnancy. The expression on her face tickled my funny bone and I burst into laughter. As sometimes happened when I was pregnant, my laughter turned into tears for no apparent reason.
Stacy dropped her bags and cautiously approached to give me a hug, confusion written large across her face.
“You're err... you're pregnant?” she half asked half stated.
“Sort of. Come and sit down and I will explain everything. Not that you will believe me.”
We sat together on the sofa, half-turned towards each other, holding hands.
“First of all. No, I have not been unfaithful. Remember when we first met and I said I had an ability that I needed to keep secret,” I started.
Stacy thought for a moment. “Yes. I think you said if Jordan found out you would have to run away, or something like that.”
“That's right. Well, now I am going to tell you my secret. I can create a clone and pull that person's soul into the clone that my body makes. It's not like a normal pregnancy. The whole process takes twenty-three days until the birth and then about the same to fast grow the baby to maturity using my breast milk. It is sort of like a quick reincarnation with memories kept intact.” I pointed to my belly. “Say hello to baby Celeste,” I told her.
Stacy was quiet while the penny dropped. “Celeste is alive, inside you? Why didn't you tell me?”
“Do you think you wouldn't have been thinking about it? I might as well have just told the telepath and government what I could do.”
“Why does that matter? If you can restore Celeste, you can do the same for all the ageing superheroes. Imagine the possibilities.”
“You're right,” I said with a sad smile. “I could just stay pregnant, reincarnate every superhero older than say, sixty. Of course, why stop there, the rich, actors, politicians, maybe the scientists who had won Nobel prizes. Hang on a second,” I said, bringing a finger to my mouth to pretend hard thinking. “What about spouses? If you do one, you have to do the other.”
“Now you are just being ridiculous.”
“Really? Imagine you aged at the same rate as Celeste and when you both reached sixty or maybe seventy, I offered to return one of you to your youth, but not both of you. How would you feel? You know what, let's not talk about this, I suspect we would have different opinions. In nine days time, I will give birth to baby Celeste. Let's enjoy our time together because after the baby is born, I will be breastfeeding every two to three hours for three weeks and it is exhausting.”
Our relationship for the next nine days was strained. Stacy felt my duty was to pop out babies that would enrich the world. I didn't agree and didn't want to talk about it. I had a feeling that Stacy had already told Derek or someone like that. Her belief had always been about the greater good, and I could do so much, that what I wanted was not important.
I used my domain and micro telekinesis to set a mind partition to look for suspicious items in my clothes and found what I presumed to be electronic bugs of some kind. I left them active since I didn't want to let them know I was on to them. You are only paranoid if they aren't out to get you.
The big day arrived, Celeste was ready to meet the world. I wanted another home birth but Stacy insisted on calling an ambulance when I told her I was in labour. This time they offered me pain relief, but now I was worried that they would dope me up so I refused. It was as bad as usual, but not worse. They kept us in for observation and we returned to the apartment the next day. This time was a little easier since Stacy helped as much as she could.
We had a health care visitor come to check on what should have been a baby only a week old, but we had to tell her that it was a superpower thing. I have no idea what she told her superiors, but my secret was not much of a secret anymore.
I had been making a habit of slipping out for occasional walks when Celeste was sleeping, particularly in the late evening. When Celeste was mature with a DNA age of fifteen and a half, I told Stacy it would be just one more day, went for my usual walk with my bikini worn underneath a dress that had a tracking device on it. I went to the ground floor, then further to the sub-ground floor where the cars were parked, took off my dress and threw it on the ground just past the lift doors, changed my face to a random stranger and took the elevator up to my other apartment. The room key was a card that I had put in my bra, so I entered and locked the door behind me. I checked the apartment for electronic bugs and when it was clear I went to the bathroom, shaved my head bald, lay on the bed and did a whole-body reset.
This time I reduced my height from five feet eight inches to just five feet, used the beauty face that I had created in front of Talia, with sparkling green eyes and golden blonde hair. I had to grow the hair after I woke up but with the extra energy in my cells, the whole reset took half an hour and growing the hair was only another five minutes.
Now that my whole body was converted to the high energy cell version, my domain had grown to a little over twenty metres. Because I had reduced the size of my body and didn't use fat to make the conversion, my little body was a little overweight, but I would be able to burn that off within a week. I put on some black stretchy yoga pants and a black sports top, the rest of my supplies I put in a black backpack. It was dark outside but there were lights on. I stepped onto my balcony, used my telekinesis to shut and lock the door behind me and flew straight up into the night. At about three hundred metres above the tallest building, I felt pretty safe. I used my telekinesis to pull a compass out of my backpack and used the faintly glowing needle to find out the right direction to head towards the Bahamas. It was time for a holiday.
Chapter 26
I was an emotional mess and it took two weeks of doing almost nothing but relaxing to wind down and find some stability. I did a few experiments with my new powers and set up a few mind partitions to protect myself, but other than that, I lay on a beach, swam in the ocean, read a book or danced in a nightclub. I used holiday visa cards but didn't stay in any hotels.
Whilst Stacy was with me I hadn't wanted to give away any of my abilities, but I had plenty of time to think about what I might be able to do. One of my first experiments was whether I needed to breathe. According to my DNA, my mitochondria were producing massive amounts of energy, a tiny percentage of which was used to create ATP, which is the normal energy that the cell uses. ATP generation normally needs a combination of glucose and oxygen, but my mitochondria were producing energy by pulling it in from somewhere else. No idea where from. Anyway, that should mean, no oxygen requirement and that was true, but trying to convince my body that it didn't need to breathe was impossible.
The next question was what happened to my domain when I went underwater. The answer was whatever I wanted to happen. I could take the surrounding air with me, I could allow water to replace some or all of the air in my domain. I presumed that also meant I could travel into space and take my air with me. Then I wondered if the cold of the ocean or space would freeze me which led to my next experiments. Theoretically, my micro telekinesis should allow me to increase the vibration of atoms or molecules, which would heat them up and likewise, slow the vibration down which would cool them. Both were true but for my conscious mind to do it took great concentration and only affected a small area. However, with mind partitioning, I could set up the general principle and use my conscious mind for direction.
I dug out a hole in the sand, pulled water into it leaving the salt and other impurities behind, prevented the water from draining and then directed my mind partition to heat it up. I could boil it, freeze it or make it the perfect bath temperature. For safety, I set my mind partition to heat up anything that was dangerously cold and freeze anything that was dangerously hot. I did wonder about the electromagnetic spectrum and whether I could affect that with my micro telekinesis.
I remember reading about wave-particle duality. As I understood it mass was related to energy as Einstein had proven, so everything could be expressed as either energy or mass, which meant I should be able to affect light. I was thinking of becoming invisible by altering light. Maybe because I thought I should be able to, or maybe there was another reason that a physicist could work out, but I was able to either increase or decrease the energy of any elements of the electromagnet spectrum that was within my domain. However, it was too complicated to make myself invisible. I could alter the frequency, but couldn't bend it around myself. At least I didn't have to worry about the sun's rays being harmful, I just used a mind partition to alter any harmful rays to harmless. Funnily enough that could be done by either increasing the frequency so that it passed straight through without interaction, or only interacting in such a small way as to be negligible or decreasing the frequency until it had no effect.
Most of my experiments were done at night, where no one could see me and I slept underwater about thirty metres deep but set my telepathic mind partition to warn me if any person came with a hundred metres. Most hotels, even the backpacker's hostels wanted some kind of identification, which I didn't have, but I didn't really mind, it was so peaceful under water. I could choose to let the sounds of the ocean pass into my air bubble or cancel out the vibrations. I usually kept about five metres of air around myself as that seemed to deter the marine life and a small percentage of the sound through to give a nice ambience.
The one thing I did miss because I didn't have a room to stay in, was a way to have a proper wash. Hotels didn't really check if you were a guest, and there were some outside showers available, mainly there to rinse off before entering the swimming pool. I felt too embarrassed to have a proper wash there, and I had to keep my bikini on anyway. I tried to use a bath at night, by digging a hole in the sand in a deserted area, filling it with water, removing all the non-water elements and heating it. I could even use my telepathic mind division to make sure I stayed private, but I didn't have any soap. That was when I discovered how micro telekinesis can be used to clean yourself. I could also use it to clean a room which would come in handy when I had one again. The next day I bought some soap and had a lovely bath. Micro telekinesis gets you cleaner, but a hot bath with soap fulfils some other pampering need I seemed to have.
Hair length had been an issue with me. Originally, I had it long to help myself to feel feminine, and when I found it was a pain in the ass, Talia's love of playing with it while she was so distressed about Kalie, prevented me from cutting it. When I was in a relationship with Stacy, she insisted that I kept it long and then I was shot in the head and had to cut it short to make it even. I liked the shorter length and didn't mind using wigs. It certainly made using different disguises easier because growing real hair to any length used to take me a week. Since my DNA upgrade in terms of energy, I could grow my hair in under a minute. The energy required was not an issue, and since I wasn't using much of the food I ate for energy, I had usually had plenty of resources so that wasn't an issue. However, caring for long hair was tiresome until I discovered micro telekinesis cleaning and micro telekinesis styling. It wasn't quite as simple as it sounds as if you remove everything from the hair, the hair looks dry, but the body naturally produced oils that we usually remove and replace with conditioner. I'm not against that as how else do you clean your hair? Well, the answer is micro telekinesis where you can leave the oil behind, and even better, you can leave the right amount behind so it never looks dry or greasy, but just right.
I'm sure if you practised for long enough putting your hair in all kinds of different styles can be time-consuming but easy. I had never got the hang of it, probably because I was spoilt with either Talia or Jordan helping me. Stacy liked my long hair, but kept hers short and was useless at styling mine. Fortunately, styling hair is what a hair salon was for. I told them I wanted to try lots of different styles and used a partitioned mind to remember and be able to copy each style.
The only other issue I had was getting rid of my excess fat. I had reduced in size fairly substantially without using fat reserves as the energy to do it which meant I now had excess that didn't look good and there was no great reason to keep it for emergencies because my cells produced more energy than I could use. My normal methods for getting rid of excess fat was increasing my metabolism or making my body less efficient in absorbing food. Neither of those techniques were going to work when my body didn't need the energy from food and just wanted a few elements to replace what was naturally lost. Celeste didn't have a weight problem and there was nothing in her DNA that I could see that would allow her to eat normally and not put on weight. My guess was that she ate very rarely.
I loved food, so I didn't want to use that method. Initially, I used my micro telekinesis to move the excess fat into my gut to get rid of it normally. I didn't really enjoy that process. I wouldn't have to do it every day and I could set my gut to be very inefficient but that usually meant the gut bacteria ate more which resulted in bloating and gas. Option three, using my micro telekinesis to break apart the chemical structure of fat, join the carbon atoms together to make diamond, attach the hydrogen to oxygen that I wasn't using for anything else to make water. So fat to diamonds and water. Thank god for partitioned minds so I didn't have to think about it and could just act normally.
Chapter 27
What I really wanted to do was go to Hannah in New York. I had been really hurt by my experience with Stacy and needed my best girlfriend to talk to. After Hannah had expressed her feelings I knew I had to wait and deal with my emotional trauma on my own. Now the idea of having a relationship with Hannah had been brought to my attention and with feeling so hurt emotionally, I was pretty sure I would have fallen into a relationship with Hannah quite quickly. However, I was old enough and wise enough to know that would have been a very bad idea. Whether you call it a rebound or something else, the fact that you start emotionally vulnerable and are looking for the wrong things for a long term relationship. I needed to get my shit together first.
Instead, I spoke to the fish around me. I did wonder if I was going mad, but decided I would only be considered mad if I expected the fish to answer. I had loved Stacy and I didn't blame her for having loved someone before me. I couldn't really blame her for deciding that previous love was better, it was just my telepathy that had revealed what she had kept hidden and I imagined that would be true for a lot of relationships. Ignorance is bliss. Sexually, I had literally had to change my body so that we were compatible and that doesn't sound healthy. Although I didn't mind acting a bit submissive, I don't think my natural character is that submissive and Stacy needed someone properly submissive. I suspected that attitude was probably behind our last argument. I thought I was making a great sacrifice by bringing Celeste back to her youth. I gave up my secrets. There was no way I could have hidden Celeste, so what I could do, was revealed. I felt I was giving up my identity and made contact with Talia and Kalie very difficult. I was sure they would be monitored in the hopes I would contact them. To me it was all a big sacrifice, to Stacy I was just doing what I should have been doing and wasn't doing enough. This left me feeling betrayed. Part of the issue was probably that Stacy thought I should do what I was told.
There really wasn't an answer to my heartache, I just needed time to distance myself from it and distraction. So I tried to enjoy myself. Lying on the sandy beach wasn't distracting enough, so I bought or borrowed books, spent time snorkelling, dancing and trying to not spend too much time underwater so as to seem strange.
When I went dancing, I tended to attract a fair amount of male attention. I didn't mind chatting to them but wasn't interested in anything else. I usually told them I was fifteen and wasn't allowed to date and that deterred almost all of them. One of them was very environmentally concerned and I wondered if I could do anything about the carbon dioxide in the air, at least within my domain. Another experiment showed I could pull the carbon off the oxygen and attach it to other carbons. To make it easier I concentrated the carbon dioxide, pressurised it and then when I had enough to make a small diamond, about a carat in size, I did the conversion. Carbon dioxide was naturally occurring and plants needed it to grow, it was just the level that needed to be adjusted. I created an exception for any plants within my domain, to allow them a normal amount. Carbon dioxide was only a part of the problem according to my environmentalist. There were pollutants in the air, chemicals that either had a similar effect to carbon dioxide or created free radicals destroying ozone. So any chemicals in my domain that were not normal air, I separated and broke down.
This reduced the smell to an odourless quality that seemed quite boring so I experimented with natural chemicals in the air and through a process of elimination, determined which ones I would allow resulting in a more pleasant aroma. This did screen out all viruses and bacteria, but I still tasted the DNA, all of it from anywhere within my domain.
I did wonder how many mind partitions I would be able to create. There were all running on my brain and possibly using parts of the brain that often don't get used. I didn't think it was unhealthy and I had heard that neuroplasticity meant that if I challenge my brain it will adapt, so I didn't worry about it too much and figured if at any point my brain started suggesting it was struggling I could go through my brain partitions and remove less important ones. Just in case, I set up a brain partition to monitor my partitions and determine if there was any problem.
Both my micro telekinesis and my domain were incredibly useful, but without the brain partitioning and without the extra energy my cells were producing, neither would have been of much use. However, put it all together and I had a very useful tool that was heavily powered.
Anyway, I set my air filtering all up to occur naturally which also led to experiments with the airflow through my domain. I didn't produce any carbon dioxide, so I needed to pull it in from outside which required allowing the airflow. It wouldn't massively reduce carbon pollution, but at least I was doing my bit towards the environment.
The speed of the air flowing through my domain became an issue after I had been on the island for a month. We were hitting hurricane season and a tropical storm was moving in our direction and due to pass through and on to Florida. I was able to set a mind partition to limit the speed of the air in my domain to a pleasant breeze and another partition would prevent any speeding objects entering my domain from reaching me, I even set the water to pass through my domain interfered with only enough to make the rain miss me. So I wasn't worried, I should be protected from the storm, however, panic was beginning to affect the residents.
Chapter 28
There was a normal panic that holidaymakers were feeling especially if they came from somewhere that Hurricanes or similar didn't occur, and then there was the panic from a lady who was practically vibrating with distress. I couldn't walk away from that without taking a little peek with my telepathy mind division.
Her husband and three kids had hired a catamaran and should have long returned. There was a hotel employee who was the captain and the boat had a radio, however, for unknown reasons they were out of contact and with the approaching storm, even the normally laid back staff were worried.
Of course, if I didn't think I could help, then I would have felt sad and worried for them, but that would be it. However, when I wondered if there was anything I could do to help, I realised that my telepathy would probably be a good way to locate them, my flight would allow me to get to them and when they were within my domain, I could protect them from the storm. It still wasn't a certainty that I would find them. The ocean is overwhelmingly large and my domain was going to be largely useless in locating them.
Telepathy has practical and theoretical limits. Normally after you get past a certain number of people all shouting, hearing someone else a bit further out is almost impossible to hear. Listening to the ocean where there were no other people confusing the signal, meant even a whisper could be heard. Add to that using a mind partition that can put all its focus listening and the distance that can be heard is much further than telepaths normally claim is possible. Even with that being true I would have to use a search pattern and hope.
I didn't have an identity to burn, but I didn't want my latest face to be associated with superhero powers. I didn't have a mask ready for use so I had to come up with an alternative. I put on a pair of jean shorts and a white top as both were so common as to be non-descriptive. I changed my eyes to a crystal ice blue, darkened the skin of the top half of my face to make it look like I was wearing a mask and set my hair to braid itself and bring it up to make a crown. I reduced the redness from my lips and made my skin very pale, aiming for the ice princess look. Satisfied that I was unrecognisable from my usual look, I set off in search of the missing catamaran. From listening to the mother's thoughts I knew what general direction I needed to search.
Casey's POV
I was really scared. Alyssa, my sister was holding me while trying to hold the steering wheel, but I think she was just as scared as I was. Thomas was still fiddling with the radio, but it looked dead, and dad was trying to do something with the sails outside the cabin, but he had been trying for a while now and nothing had changed. The waves were throwing us around and with the wind whistling loudly and the water pounding, I just knew we were all going to die.
With a suddenness that was startling the noise cut out to a strange quiet, and the boat stopped moving. We all looked at each other confused.
“Ho, the boat,” a gentle female voice greeted us.
We all scrambled out of the cabin to the strangest scene I had ever witnessed, even from a movie. Our boat was floating above the ocean, the storm was still there but it was like we were in a giant bubble, protecting us from harm, while a girl in shorts and a T-shirt hovered next to the mast. She was really beautiful even with the mask covering her face. My fear left me in a rush. A superhero had come to save us.
“Umm... hello?” my dad said uncertainly.
“I am going to start moving us back to shore. Hold on while I get us moving,” she said.
I felt a force pushing me like I sometimes felt in the car when dad felt the need for speed as he called it, but rather than fall over I felt something hold me in place, gently but firmly.
“What is your name?” I asked her.
“I'm new at this, so I haven't got a name yet, at least, not one I can give you. What name do you think I should have?” she asked me.
“Angel,” I said almost instantly.
She gave a beautiful tinkling laugh.
“Could you hold me?” I asked. I wasn't as scared now, but I still wanted to be held.
She smiled at me. “Sure.” I floated towards her. I faced away from her with her arms around me, still floating in the air, looking out towards where land should be.
For the first time in hours, I felt properly safe. As the dread and excitement left me I started to feel sleepy. I woke up when she passed me to dad. “Thanks,” I mumbled, vaguely aware that dad was standing on the beach.
Josie's POV
The wind and rain was still too strong for the family, so after leaving the catamaran on the beach and pulling the unconscious local, William, from the cabin, I led the family to the hotel where the mother was panicking. I helped them get through the locked door, gently placed William on the floor. I waved goodbye as I stepped back and locked the door again. Hopefully, the hotel would have someone with medical training who could look after William, but I didn't want to stay for any questioning.
Finding them hadn't been easy. I had gone to where I had thought they should be and then started flying in a large spiral until I heard any mind thoughts. Flying back was a little awkward since I don't have a natural GPS or phone to give me directions, so heading in what I thought was the right direction and then used my telepathy again looking for life. I don't think they noticed me change directions, not that it really mattered, I just didn't like the idea of appearing incompetent. I should have brought my compass.
I was a little surprised by how easy I found it. Flying I knew was pretty effortless for me, but carrying a catamaran with family aboard should have increased the difficulty. Obviously, not enough to make me strain.
Author note:
In Chapter 30 there are unpleasant scenes referring to child abuse, but the details are not mentioned to keep only the idea present. It is about rescuing them, rather than the event and dealing punishment to the perps. If this is something you don't want to read I completely understand and I would suggest you skip the chapter. Why is it there? Because I would love a world where someone was able to stop it and punish the offenders.
Chapter 29
The hurricane didn't quite get strong enough to be named, and although a bit of damage was done, no one died. I stayed underwater with my telepathic mind division listening for cries of help. That did happen a few times, but on closer examination, didn't require my help.
I thought I had managed to help without any pictures being taken, but I didn't consider hotel security. Since the storm was a bit of a letdown on the disaster front, the news service ran the story of me saving the family on the catamaran. There was CCTV footage of me opening the hotel lobby, a floating William, the father carrying the six-year-old Casey along with an older daughter and son. They bigged it up with how they were all going to die before I turned up and how grateful they were. Casey stole the show with an enthusiastic 'Thank you, Angel.'
Of course, that became my official name, at least until I earned another. Supers generally stayed away from names with religious overtones and the church's response was the reason why. They were angry that anyone would pretend to be a supernatural being of the Lord and demanded proof, which was laughed at by the majority since no religion could demand proof without appearing hypocritical. It didn't matter that I wasn't the one who had named myself and when some reporter asked Casey she just said, 'we were about to die and an Angel came and saved us'.
I was still going through my grief from my breakup and trying to work out what I wanted to do with my life. I had power now, I was no longer a squishy and could be a proper superhero if I wanted. I wanted to be close to Hannah which would mean living in New York.
Being a superhero in America was different to anywhere else in the world. The US took the moral ground and refused to execute supervillains and instead built a containment facility in the desert to contain them. The one exception being murderers although it took years before the legal process was finished and they were put to sleep. The cost must have been astronomical as no one had managed to produce a way to block powers as yet. What that meant on a practical level was that supervillains tried to avoid outright murder, but were otherwise more numerous in the US than anywhere else. In fact, supervillains often left their own countries and set up base in the US, because of the laws there. As a consequence, there were more superheroes to combat them. And combat them they did.
The rest of the world pointed out the increased number of casualties from collateral damage, which meant more people died than if they had a more draconian way of dealing with supervillains, but America was holding the high moral ground and refused to change.
All this was good news for me if I was going to use my new superpowers. I wouldn't have to kill anybody. The trouble was my heart wasn't in it. I didn't mind helping and, as I found out, there were always more people who needed help, but I felt like I was holding back the sea with a bucket.
I decided to leave the Bahamas, partly get away from the Angel debate, which seemed to have settled in my favour with the Christians who objected looking like religious fanatics, and partly to scope out New York. I decided to dress as 'Angel' cross to Miami using my compass and follow the coast up. I had never really tested how fast I could go. I didn't have any way of checking and no great desire to do so, which was another reason I didn't think I was suited for being a superhero. When I thought of superheroes, I thought of people pushing themselves to their limits, constantly training, like Stacy used to, never being satisfied and always reaching to improve and that just wasn't me.
If I pushed it, I could have reached New York faster, but I had no great urgency so I meandered up the coast, travelling at night, stopping a few hours before the sun rose to sink beneath the waves and have a few hours of sleep. I didn't need sleep that much anymore, but I enjoyed it so refused to give it up.
I would try and find somewhere deserted and used my telepathy to check that I was unobserved before returning to my more normal appearance. I was still thinking of myself as Josie but knew I would have to change my name again. The name Chris I now associated with my male life.
I would wander in with my backpack on and pretend to be an Aussie travelling around the world. I would have breakfast in whatever cafe I could find and then have a look around town, taking in the sights before it got dark enough to continue my journey. Then it occurred to me, if I was an Aussie travelling around the world, why didn't I check out a few tourist destinations? I put on hold my trip to New York and picked up a cheap phone to use the internet and google maps and started really being a tourist.
Obviously, a young girl travelling on her own across America is not the safest thing to do, but I had superpowers so I was never in real danger. I did have a few incidents. In Nashville, where I went to sample the music, I was approached in the bar by a fairly forceful male character, who even had a pair of flunkies. I tried the 'I'm fifteen' routine, but that didn't even slow him down. So I told him I had a little superpower that allowed me to be safe. I didn't want to suggest I was super powerful, but a small power was acceptable. I remember reading a fantasy book with a telekinetic who moved the fluid in the semicircular canals of your ears to cause people to have vertigo. A bit of dizziness sounded like a small but useful power, but I underestimated the effect. When I told him to back off and he didn't, I shifted the fluid in his ear and he fell over and started vomiting. His two flunkies didn't know what to do and I left as quietly as I could, while everyone was focused on the man lying on the floor.
I walked into the darkness and then changed into my 'Angel' costume before taking off and flying away. Normally, I enjoyed the sights during the day and travelled to the next place during the night, spending a couple of hours sleeping either underwater, if I could find any water deep enough, floating in a tree or not bothering to sleep at all. That night I felt like enjoying the nighttime music with the possibility of dancing, but I hadn't got to the dancing before having to leave in a hurry.
Persistent 'man' trouble is annoying, but 'older couple worried about a young girl on her own' is much harder to deal with. That happened when I was enjoying the Grand Canyon. At first, it was a simple request for me to take their picture, then asking where my parents were. I made the mistake of telling them I was eighteen and travelling on my own. They didn't believe me. I had the DNA biological age only a little above fifteen, but with my short stature, I probably looked younger.
It was during the daytime so I couldn't disappear into the night and I didn't have an obvious transport so they presumed I had hitchhiked in, which was dangerous for a young girl. I couldn't hurt them since they were only being nice, so I ended up travelling in their car to Flagstaff and having a meal with them. I got up pretending to need the toilet, paid for the meal for all of us and slipped out the back.
I spent almost a month in Huntington Beach, learning to surf and enjoying the relaxed atmosphere, but had to leave when some idiot started chasing me thinking I was some kind of mermaid. He probably caught sight of me diving into the water and not coming back up in the evenings. I did have a few nice nights out dancing there, the surfing crowd being more chilled.
I was living pretty cheaply since I didn't have to pay for accommodation and only ate something when I felt like it. I bought a steel drinking bottle and would surreptitiously add water that I had filtered to be pure water and then chilled with my mind.
It was after I had spent three months looking at the sights and trying to enjoy myself that I realised I was having to work harder and harder to have fun. I was lonely, but I also was over my emotional meltdown and ready to go and visit Hannah. I hadn't worked out what I wanted to do with my life, but there was no rush.
Chapter 30
I was on the wrong side of the country when I decided to start heading back to New York. I was in Seattle and still thinking about working as a superhero, so I decided to use my telepathic mind division to listen for young girls calling for help. I thought I would travel, stopping at major population centres and do a bit of superhero work and see how I felt about it. To my horror, I was inundated. I have never deliberately killed anyone and that night I came the closest.
I changed the orders I had given to my mind division to only give information on the closest case. I flew quickly to an ordinary house and hovered outside the house closest to the eight-year-old girl who was crying in her mind as her father did unspeakable things to her. Both were well within my domain, as was her mother who was asleep in another room. I had to restrain my urge to tear the man apart, instead, I woke her mother and checked with my telepathic division that the mother was both clueless and blameless and then levitated her into her child's bedroom with the light switching on so she could have no doubts about what was occurring before physically separating the man from the child. I turned the man away from the girl and crushed his man bits to a useless pulp before levitating him with his lower half naked outside his front door and locking it behind him.
I left them to get to my next case, my heart bleeding even for the seconds that I had left the girl while getting her mother. That first case was better than most. It wasn't always the father, there were uncles, cousins, friends of brothers or fathers, and often there were women who knew it was happening but couldn't or wouldn't stop it. In every case, I made sure the groin was unrecoverable on the men. I took video on my phone as I turned the lights on. Later on, I made sure all those videos were uploaded so none of them could claim innocence.
I didn't know what to do with those girls who didn't have a safe place to go to. I asked the children if they had a safe adult who could look after them. Some had divorced parents, some had grandparents or aunts that they felt safe with, but most didn't know addresses or other ways of contacting them so I took those children to the police, asking them to keep the children out of their abusive parent's hands. Mothers who wouldn't protect them I considered part of the problem. I showed the policewoman who had responded to my request the video and allowed them to take a copy of the video for evidence. After my second visit to a police station, a superhero with flight started following me, keeping a little distance.
I ignored him and followed the next call. The next case shook my belief system, it was a child in an orphanage and judging by the clothes the man was wearing or half wearing, I believed him to be a man of faith. I switched the lights on as my camera recorded his behaviour, pulled them apart and destroyed his genitals. The abused orphan, Brook, I took with me. I used my micro telekinesis to clean her and held her in my arms as I continued my crusade. I couldn't leave her behind and didn't trust a system that had failed her so badly. She was fourteen years old and bigger than me, so my princess carry probably looked odd, but she needed the comfort along with my reassurance that I would never allow it to happen again. The superhero man following me and reporting my activity left shortly afterwards and was replaced with a female superheroine. She turned up at my next case and I had to telekinetically restrain her from killing the man who was abusing a three-year-old.
The second child that I rescued that didn't have a home to go to, Holly, was seven and I think the location was a brothel. The superheroine following me introduced herself as Cali, full name Caliente because she had heat and flame powers. She offered to carry Holly. We had two more cases, one where the mother was unaware and one where it was a visiting uncle before we had a third case where there was nowhere safe to leave her. After a discussion with Cali, we stopped off at her parent's house and borrowed their caravan. I only later realised the level of trust she showed me that night. She thought we would just hide the kids in the caravan until later but I just picked up the caravan and carried it with me as we continued.
By the end of the night, I had four girls to look after. Holly age seven, Simone age nine, Terese age thirteen and Brook age fourteen. I bought the caravan off Cali's parents with a few diamonds, stocked it with what food they could spare, said goodbye and took the caravan with the girls inside off to the ocean. I smiled at the confused look on Cali's face as I and the caravan sank beneath the waves.
We hid there until the next night, the girls enjoying the magic of being underwater and the gentle sounds of the ocean. Then I flew high and fast across the country until New York. I had planned to hide beneath the waves again, but I was met as I descended by five of New York's superheroes who had somehow known I was coming.
At that stage, I hadn't uploaded the videos I had taken although I had given a copy to the police, so the public was confused by the events of my rampage. There were lots of men with crushed genitals, some left screaming in pain outside their front doors with a number of kids left at a police station with a number of arrests. Obviously, I had been caught on camera, often with a girl in my arms and a caravan floating beneath me. The media was treating it cautiously. Young girls were saved, but men were hurt in a horrifying way and the probability was that I was responsible. One politician tried to use the story to convince the public that superheroes needed more restrictions on their power and suggested that I was a man-hater.
This left the New York superheroes unsure how to treat me. Was I a supervillain? A rather arrogant man in army fatigues, also known as the Colonel, demanded I surrender myself to justice. I asked what I had done wrong and he replied that I had wilfully maimed men.
I pulled out my phone and started playing the videos. The screen was small, but what I had recorded was obvious. The only female flyer from their group asked for a copy and my permission to publish it online. She also requested I did the same thing here in New York. A few of the men winced at that. The Colonel suggested I gather the evidence but leave the justice to the courts. I felt he was saying what he was supposed to, but his heart wasn't really in it.
I didn't wait for the phone to be returned as I suspected that was the way I had been tracked. I headed for the sea, said goodbye and disappeared into its depths. I travelled underwater so they wouldn't know where to watch for me and the next night I found a camping site which turned out to be Heckscher State Park Campground. I pretended I just arrived and paid for a week. And then surreptitiously moved the caravan to that spot. In case anyone was looking I pretended to pick up the tow bar and pull the caravan to its correct place. I had changed out of my Angel costume and had to introduce my new look to the children. I kept the Angel name since I didn't have a different one to use. I was pretty sure no one would associate my new look with Angel. I was going to have to retire my jean shorts and white T-shirt as a precautionary measure.
Chapter 31
Meeting Hannah wasn't as difficult as I worried it would be. I knew what school she was going to so I just waited with the other parents for the usual school pick up. I called out 'Jannah' which was the first keyword to get her attention. She was met by two bodyguards and I had to wait for her to convince them before she could approach.
Hannah had explained to me how telepaths normally talked to each other. It was essentially a version of shouting and listening, so I set my telepathic mind division to listening to her mind and mentally shouted 'Hello'
'Oh! Hello Josie. I'm going to call you Sophie, just go with it,' Hannah thought back to me. Generally, when telepaths talked with each other it was almost painfully obvious so she had warned me previously that if we weren't in a private place that it would be better to only use it for initial contact before talking normally. Nobody knew she was a telepath and we didn't want to give that away.
“Sophie, you made it. I can't wait to introduce you to mum and dad,” Hannah said as she moved in for a hug.
I hugged her back gratefully. I had missed her terribly. “I've missed you,” I couldn't help saying as tears escaped while I tried to hold them back.
“I've missed you too,” she said gently back. “Let's get in the car.”
When we got in the back we clutched each other and cried. I cried in relief, I think, and she cried because I was crying. We arrived at her mansion before I had finished so we stayed in the car in the garage until I managed to get myself back under control.
As we went into the house the bodyguards stayed behind to go wherever they were supposed to.
“So, I've told mum and dad the truth, they know that I am a clone of Hannah, not their real daughter. They had already mourned her so they weren't too disappointed. I told them that I wasn't the only clone and my best friend, Sophie might turn up one day. They told me that if you ever turned up they would love to meet you! I don't know if they are in yet, but they will definitely be back by dinner. It's a family thing they insist on that we all get together to eat at seven.”
“That's wonderful. I can stay for dinner, but I will need to leave after that,” I said.
“I was hoping you could stay for a while,” Hannah said, sounding sad.
“I can stay as long as you want, but I have some dependants that need help. How trustworthy are your parents?” I asked.
“Very. You can tell them anything, literally anything. They know I have some secrets that I am keeping because I have promised to keep them and they haven't pressured me to reveal anything. Just made sure it wasn't anything dangerous. They are in enough danger as it is. There is still a contract out for their deaths. They don't know who is responsible,” she said before speaking to my mind 'it's Steven's brother who is involved with organised crime and hoping to inherit everything.'
“Maybe I can help. Have you heard of Angel?” I asked.
“The man mutilator of Seattle?” she queried.
I pointed to myself. “Hopefully there should be some evidence uploaded to explain her actions,” I stated optimistically.
Hannah led me to her bedroom and pulled her laptop out of her school bag. All she had to do was put Angel into the search and the latest updates were available. We weren't allowed to see the footage unless we declared we were older than eighteen, but even the tame version made it obvious what happened.
“How do you think she found them?” Hannah asked.
“She set her partitioned mind to pick out young girls with thoughts asking for help, and give directions as to where they are coming from,” I answered. “I mean, that is what I would do,” I said with a smirk. I lost my smirk as I remembered the thoughts that had inundated me when I had made that order. “Best if she only looked for the closest one, so she wasn't overwhelmed.”
“Can you guess what powers she has?” Hannah asked, but I knew what she was really asking and I didn't want to say it out loud.
'I re-birthed Celeste,' I sent and then sighed. 'I could have really done with your council. Even with my main mind telepathy set to a minimum, I could still hear Stacy's thoughts when we were intimate. When I accidentally overheard Stacy compare me with her, I came out second best.'
'I'm so sorry,' Hannah sent with feelings of sympathy.
'It was months ago. I've come to terms with it. I re-birthed Celeste to give her love back to her, but it didn't go well. I knew I would be burning my identity, however, I didn't realise that Stacy would be angry at me for not using my ability more freely. I think I went from lover to asset in her mind and I am fairly sure she told Derek about me. If it was up to her I would be spending the rest of my days pregnant.'
Hannah just reached forwards and held me.
“I think I have already cried enough on that subject. Looking back I do wonder how good the relationship really was. I mean I had to literally change my body so that I would enjoy sex with her.”
“I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. Why didn't you come sooner?” Hannah said verbally.
“I didn't want to come to you while I was still an emotional mess. Instead, I travelled around America, took in the sights until I realised that it wasn't as much fun when I didn't have someone to share them with,” I admitted. “I was still trying to work out what I wanted to do with my life.” 'Because I re-birthed Celeste I was able to examine her DNA and incorporate some of her power. It has expressed itself quite differently but I am happy with it.' I sent. 'But it does mean I am no longer a squishy and could be a superhero, I am just not sure that I want to.'
“Steven and Joy might be able to give you some ideas. Not that I am biased but I think they both are pretty clued in,” Hannah crowed.
'How come you had this whole Sophie thing already set up?' I sent.
'You're too nice to keep a life-saving power secret for long. Someone you cared about was going to die or close enough to force you to save their life. It was only a question of when,' Hannah replied in her mind. 'That's why it might be a good idea to suggest that you are a clone of Josie. You could then tell them about all your powers and they would probably be able to help you hide it from others. I will leave it up to you what you want to reveal.'
Chapter 32
Steven and Joy returned to the house before dinner and Hannah was taking me down to meet them. I was still stewing about what to tell them. I didn't want anyone to know that I could re-birth them, especially after they had died, and return them to their youth. But... I knew Hannah was right. If she died again or anyone else I cared about, I probably wouldn't even hesitate. It would mean that I had to burn another identity unless I had some powerful help. Help that I trusted and I certainly didn't trust any government or organisation.
Hannah's only advice was that she trusted them and she had cheated by listening to their thoughts for weeks before she realised she just didn't need to. I thought about listening myself, but I wasn't used to it and the distraction may be an issue. Did I trust Hannah? Absolutely. Should I trust her judgement? Probably. Not that Hannah had told them everything. She had kept my secrets and hadn't told them she was telepathic. She had told them that she sometimes got a danger sense, which is how she had set up her mind division and telepathy, so it was also true. All she was not revealing was that it could be different if she wanted it to be.
There was a cook who was preparing dinner, so Hannah took me to a private lounge to introduce me to her parents. Joy was reading a book and Steven was working on a pad, probably on the internet. I knew who they were because I had met them before when I was working on their daughter's case, but not with this identity. Steven pressed a button on his pad to make his screen go black and Joy put her book down and both stood up to greet me. Hannah did the introductions and then we all sat down.
There was a period of quiet while I tried to work out what to say.
“How about I start,” Joy said. “We know Hannah is not our Hannah although she has the same DNA. She has told us that she vaguely remembers a life in Australia and that does match her accent, so we have come to accept her belief that her soul is not our original Hannah's soul. We do occasionally see some familiar mannerisms and in the end, whether it is our Hannah with different memories or a different Hannah with odd memories doesn't really matter. Our daughter that was, is lost to us, but we have a new daughter who we are very pleased with. Hopefully even grandchildren someday. She told us of you, Sophie, another clone, and asked us if we would be prepared to accept you into our family. Our answer was, let us get to know each other and see if it works as she hopes.”
“I have spoken to Hannah and she clearly loves you already and has a tremendous amount of trust in you. I have secrets that I am scared of sharing, but Hannah believes you guys are worthy,” I said.
“I can promise you that we will keep your secrets,” Steven assured me.
“Hannah trusts you and I trust Hannah, so by default, I am inclined to trust you, the problem is that a telepath can read your thoughts and I know telepaths are obligated to not reveal any secrets, but they still report to their governing body if the secret is important enough.” I took a deep breath. “Regardless, I am going to tell you almost everything because I need your help and just hope and pray that any telepath doesn't pass on anything they learn about me.
“I am not like Hannah, my DNA is a patchwork from other people, mainly supers, probably in the hope that I would be a powerful tool. One of the women I am based on found me, but she is very secretive.”
“Can you tell us who that is?” Steven asked.
“Yes. She is called Josie Hughes, although her nickname is Nancy for Nancy Drew, the detective. I don't know all her abilities but I know she can examine DNA which is why I know about my mixed heritage,” I answered.
“We know her,” Joy exclaimed. “She tried to help us find Hannah originally. Lovely lady. Worked very closely with a telepath. Her name escapes me.”
I had to force myself not to smile and look at Hannah.
“I think she uses her DNA detection to help solve crimes, or at least she did before she revealed her other ability. I don't know how widely known it is, but the authorities know about it, so I can tell you about it. She has the ability to do something she calls re-birth. She becomes pregnant with a clone and pulls in the soul that matches the clone. She can then speed grow that person until they reach puberty. The whole process takes time, about six weeks in all, and she has to go through the uncomfortable process of pregnancy, the pain of childbirth and then three weeks of sleepless nights with breastfeeding. The reason I am telling you this is because I have promised to help her which means at any point I may have to disappear for about six weeks.”
“Do these clones remember their previous lives?” Steven asked.
“Yes, they remember everything. Imagine if it was you, Steven or you Joy. You would experience vague memories of the six weeks, but still be you with all your memories, just regressed in age to sixteen. Josie herself is not powerful, she has no great strength or resilience so she is worried that she will become a tool for the rich and powerful, to keep them young and earn them money. That is why she is in hiding, but she can't help herself and will occasionally take pity or for some other reason go through it all again. If a telepath knows that Josie has contacted me and may contact me in the future and passes that on to the Superhero League, there is a good chance I will be put under surveillance. So if anyone asks you about Josie, please don't think about this conversation,” I pleaded.
Hannah laughed. “As soon as you tell someone not to think of something, that is the first thing they think of.” She turned to Joy and Steven. “If someone asks you about Josie, concentrate on what you remember her looking like, try and get as much detail. To a large extent, it doesn't matter if it is accurate, but by concentrating on that you won't be thinking of anything else.”
“Well, I'll try my best,” Steven responded with Joy muttering agreement. “I think you mentioned help. How can we help you?”
“I think I mentioned that I have a bit of DNA from a few supers. I don't want to tell you exactly what my powers are but I can give you a few of the basics. I can set my mind to listen for specific thoughts. Like people crying for help, or even narrow it down to the closest young girl asking for help. Not exactly telepathy but something close. My main ability is telekinesis. Only within a short range, but inside that range, I am pretty strong. Then there is the reason Josie tracked me down. I have some of her DNA and her ability to alter my appearance.” I changed my face to my masked 'Angel' face, receiving the appropriate oohs and aahs.
“I have been nicknamed Angel and have been on the news lately. Basically, I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a superhero. I mean I have the strength to be one, but I don't like fighting, or violence generally. I was in Seattle when I made my mind up to come and seek out Hannah, but I thought I might do a bit of superhero work on my way. I set my mind to listen for young girls asking for help and, unfortunately, I was inundated. I spent that entire night rescuing girls. The frightening thought was that I could only hear those girls who were being attacked at that moment which can only be a fraction of the total number.”
“And is that what you want to do?” Steven asked.
“Want to? No. But I can't bury my head in the sand and pretend it doesn't exist and that I can't do anything about it. The New York Supers have already asked me to do something similar, just less violently.”
“Less violently?” Joy asked.
“I neutered the men involved,” I admitted.
“Is that what you want help with? So you don't get in trouble with the law?” Steven asked.
“No. I took video evidence before I did anything and it would be impossible to prove that I did anything. However, there were four girls that didn't have a safe home to go to, who had been abused that night, so I took them with me. They need more care than I can give them and if I do the same here in New York, I need a place to bring any similar cases.”
“Why didn't you leave them with the police or take them to one of the state orphanages?” Joy asked.
“Because I had to save one of the girls from the orphanage. The police would just have been a stop-gap before being sent to an orphanage. They had already suffered enough.”
“Of course we will help,” Steven said firmly. “Where are those girls now?”
“In a caravan at Heckscher State Park Campground.”
“How many of them are there?” Steven asked.
“Four.”
Chapter 33
We delayed dinner while Steven organised a stretch limo to take us to the campground. With a subtle hint from me, Steven decided to leave the adventure to us girls. I was worried about how the girls would react to any male presence. This led to discussing with Joy what kind of orphanage we wanted to create. Joy said that there would be no problem taking in these four girls, but if this was going to be an ongoing project, we would need to set up an orphanage.
Besides the obvious housing and staffing issues, there would need to be legal representation and then there was the question about adoption and fostering. I didn't want adoption or fostering as I wanted to mother them all, I just knew that wasn't going to be practical. I hated the idea that someone could come, interact with multiple kids and pick one. That would lead to others feeling they were worth less because they weren't chosen. All the kids would need counselling and might have issues with male presences. I didn't know what the right thing to do was, but I knew I needed help.
I was greeted with enthusiastic hugs when we arrived. I introduced them to Joy and Hannah. I caused a brief delay by wanting them to be clean before we left. I invited them into the caravan, one at a time and used my micro telekinesis to clean their bodies and clothes. They said it made their skin feel all tingly. I could have done them all at once, but I wanted them to know I was concentrating on them individually and realise they were clean.
It amazed me that they could all go through something so horrible and be normal happy kids so soon afterwards. None of them were first-timers, and as terrible as it was to say, they were all used to it. All they could feel was a sense of freedom with that innocent belief that I would never allow it to happen again. And I had to live up to that. I think there was also a feeling of camaraderie since they had all been through the same thing and I had even been carrying some of them as I visited the next case. Brook wanted me to check in with Cali back in Seattle to see if all the girls were being properly looked after. I had passed Brook to Cali at one point in the night and I think they bonded. Since I didn't have a phone anymore, Joy phoned the Seattle Supers and as Cali was out patrolling, we left a message for her to call us. We told the receptionist what it was about so hopefully Cali could do a bit of checking first and give us a proper report.
Dinner was a boisterous affair with all of the kids wanting to express their opinion and usually all at the same time. Interestingly, I was the only one they listened to when I tried to keep them calm and take their turn talking. We let their imaginations go wild and they talked about having a house under the sea, where only girls were allowed to go. When asked about schooling and after Steven coming in with the dad joke about schools of fish, they talked about learning at home with each other. Joy mentioned Madeleine, which was a movie about an orphan girl living with other girls her age in a big building that also was a school. Hannah managed to find it on a streaming service and the girls all watched it like a slumber party. They didn't have any PJ's so they were down to underwear and wrapped in blankets.
Brook's mother had passed away, Holly was told to call several different women mother since hers had likely passed away as well, Terese hated her mother, but Simone missed her mother, so I was going to ask Cali to check in with her. She had clearly been complicit or I wouldn't have taken Simone, but that doesn't stop someone from feeling love.
I was overwhelmed with the task ahead of me. I had been shown a problem that I knew existed although I had no idea of the scale of the issue. Now that my eyes were opened I could never close them again, so I needed help. Joy and Steven had promised to help. Hannah had even told them that her danger sense worked very similarly to my asking my mind for specific thoughts. She was willing to help find those in need, but she would need to be protected. There were systems already in place with lots of people willing to help and with telepathy almost all of them had been checked or were checked to make sure they weren't abusing the system.
Do I just help New York, or just help America. Where do I draw the line? The one thing I knew was that I couldn't do it alone. I needed a General or the female equivalent, which was probably a politician or businesswoman. Someone who could see the end goal, look at our assets and work out a way forward.
Steven agreed and together we set up the Angel Foundation. He would look through business agencies and interviews. I decided to go a different route.
Ruth's POV
Goddammit my mother was right. “Geroff me!” I yelled.
I saw his hand briefly, heard a loud smack as my head was thrown to the side, followed by pain on the side of my face.
“Yer me wife! Do your duty, woman!”
I felt his knees pushing my legs apart. I struggled but he was too heavy and too strong. 'Help me,' I prayed. 'Please God, help me.'
He turned my face towards him and I managed to spit in his face before he brought his face any closer. His face turned red with his anger and I braced myself for the hit I knew was coming, closing my eyes. I felt the impact but it was as light as a feather. I opened my eyes, confused.
“Arr..” he shouted in pain, leaning back from me and staring at his red hand.
His weight lifted off me and he rose in the air to dangle like a puppet. I heard the window unlatch itself and then open wide. I stared at the opening in wonder as a small woman flew through before turning upright and gently landing on her feet in front of me, ignoring my drunk husband.
“Let me down, ya bitch!” he said, refusing to be ignored.
She turned to him with obvious disgust on her face. She dropped him on the floor. He got up quickly and came at her. She didn't move and allowed him to hit her. It must have been like hitting concrete, his hand snapped and he cried out in pain again, falling to his knees and clutching his hand.
I managed to get to my feet and tried to move my clothes back into place so I didn't look as bad.
She turned back to me. “Your choice,” she said.
“My choice?”
“Stay,” she said looking at my defeated man, “or go.”
I knew what she meant. “Go,” I said. “I don't ever want to see this piece of shit again,” I told her honestly.
“Gather everything that you want to take with you onto your bed. I'll keep an eye on bozo.”
“Are you going to do what you did in Seattle?” I asked. “Please,” I added in case she was wondering what I wanted.
She sighed. “I want to, but I promised I wouldn't.” Then she grinned, “I'm sure God will punish him though.”
I gathered my clothes, jewellery and paperwork on the bed. I called out to say that I was ready and watched in amazement as the duvet gathered itself into a sack and hovered behind me.
“Let's go out the front door, shall we, with heads held high,” she said and we did, but a few steps past the front of the apartment and we lifted into the sky. I vowed to myself I would pay this woman back. She had saved me.
We dropped down in a caravan park and she led me to a caravan and gestured me inside. There was another woman there who looked as bruised as I probably did.
“Hi, Emily, I'm just going to ask err... I'm sorry I didn't get your name,” Angel said.
“Ruth. It's Ruth. Nice to meet you Emily, Angel,” I responded.
“Ruth. I have a need of like-minded women,” Angel started.
“I'm in,” I stated confidently.
Angel chuckled. “I haven't even told you what it is about.”
“You don't have to. I'm in. I owe you.”
Angel frowned. “You don't owe me anything. I was just looking for women who would understand the importance of what I am trying to achieve.”
“We'll agree to differ. So what do you need? Oh, and what did you do to my husband?”
“He may be inflicted with incurable impotence. Nothing to do with me, obviously,” Angel said with a wicked smile. She checked that I was aware of what she had done in Seattle and talked about starting an organisation to first stamp out paedophilia worldwide and then work on domestic violence. Starting in New York, then other big cities and eventually the whole of the US, then on to the next country until everywhere was covered. She wanted to create a network of telepaths with superheroes. The difficulty was manyfold with issues about the law, finding and training the appropriate women, looking after the children who had been abused as well as management to help work out how to make this all happen. Emily wanted to be a paedophile hunter which involved giving Emily specialised telepathic powers. Apparently, there was a way to do that. I wanted to be in management. I had studied business and wanted to put it to good use.
That decided, Angel went out again to help someone else.
Chapter 34
Angel's POV
Ruth became my general. She was the shadow head of Angel Foundation. We found there was no way to do what we wanted to do and stay within the law, so the Angel Foundation became the centre for looking after the abused children who had nowhere else they could be safe. That part was headed by Joy with Steven supporting her. The Shadow Angels were a vigilante group who would go out to gather evidence and save children from abuse.
Of course, it wasn't that easy. I explained everything to Ruth. All my abilities although not exactly how it worked but the possibilities that I thought could help. Essentially there were two elements that were necessary for our plans to succeed. We needed money, not small amounts either, and we needed superheroes who could find and protect those children in need. As far as money goes, the Angel Foundation was going to be supported by Joy and Steven, but I would need to find the money to support the Shadow Angels.
I suggested various schemes to Ruth until we came up with one that would work. I had to do a few tests though. The idea was to go into space and collect asteroids, bring them back to Earth and refine them for their high mineral content. Apparently, most supers who can fly, can't fly that high because they utilise the electromagnet field that the Earth produces to defy gravity. That is not how my power works but a quick trip to the moon and back checked that out pretty thoroughly. Speed is important but it is acceleration that really matters in space. As long as I was able to accelerate in space, going vast distances wouldn't be a problem, navigation, on the other hand, was a lot harder.
The other issue was about the size of my domain and affecting things outside of my domain. Anything within my domain I didn't have trouble moving, however, most asteroids that I would be aiming to bring back were going to be larger than a sphere with a twenty metre radius.
I practised on icebergs. If I just landed on the surface then what usually happened was I broke off a semicircular sphere of ice. If I burrowed in so that I was twenty metres below the surface, whether I could lift the iceberg depended on how big the iceberg was. Not that the weight seemed to matter, it was just a question of how strong the ice was and whether it could take the strain. I was most effective if I burrowed to the centre and lifted.
Navigation I couldn't solve. However, if we made a small spaceship with sensors to work out which asteroids to choose and hired a navigator with an expensive computer, it all became possible again. We didn't have to worry about oxygen since I would automatically convert carbon dioxide to oxygen and carbon, the weight didn't matter to my lifting ability and insulation wasn't important as long as everything was within my domain. This meant most of the normal issues you would have with such a project, didn't exist. Design-wise, my domain was crucial which meant the ship needed to be circular and there wasn't much point in making it higher than we could comfortably stand so it was going to be disc-shaped or as everyone said, a flying saucer.
Another of my ideas to make money was to make diamonds. With my domain and micro telekinesis, it would be easy, I just needed carbon which was easily available. The only diamonds I could make were either flawless or to copy a flaw in another diamond. Ruth believed we would quickly flood the market and reduce diamonds to something relatively worthless. However, I could use my diamond making ability to help with the spacecraft. Rather than have panels made out of glass, I made them out of diamond, multiple layers with vacuum in between for insulation and graphene so thin it was see-through. Although insulation didn't matter, nor did oxygen supplies because of my domain and abilities, the spacecraft was going to be built with the idea that if I was briefly unconscious for whatever reason, the occupants would be alright for a few days at least. This meant it would be built with insulation and there would be a few oxygen tanks for emergencies.
Whilst my spacecraft was being built, paid for by a few diamond sales and Ruth searched for an appropriate navigator, I had other tasks ahead of me. I needed to create the Shadow Angels. The process of re-birth was painful and time-consuming taking about six weeks. I could carry two at once, possibly more, but since I only had two breasts, I intended to limit myself to a maximum of two at a time, unless there was an emergency. In order to save the children, we needed someone with the ability to find them, someone who could fly quickly and someone strong enough that no one would mess with them. Because of the difficulty and time involved, it made sense for all those abilities to be concentrated on each Shadow Angel. I might add that while Ruth and I plotted, Hannah was going out with the New York Supers and continuing the process.
With all that power within each Shadow Angel, they needed to be very loyal, ideally devoted to the cause but not hotheads who would bring the name of the Shadow Angels into disrepute. Which meant we had to be very careful who we chose. Quality over quantity. I already had the DNA template for telepathy and partitioned mind that would allow for the detection of abused children, but I also needed some power that would allow people to fly and give them some offensive ability. My telekinesis hadn't been something I could graft onto someone else's DNA and it was the same with Celeste's mind energy power. I could give everyone the power cells that Celeste had, but that wouldn't be healthy unless they had a way to use the excess energy that leaked out of the cells. Otherwise, the excess energy that naturally leaks out would be harmful. Not immediately fatal, but shortened life expectancy.
I needed another DNA live sample, possibly more than one to get more powers for me to copy and the only way to do that was to re-birth someone. Before I trolled superhero nursing homes I decided to contact Cali from Seattle. She had the requisite flight power and I knew she had fire abilities. She also wanted to continue what I had started in Seattle. Not exactly a Shadow Angel but close.
Talking to Cali and revealing what I could do would be telling someone outside of our immediate circle a Shadow Angel secret and that was deemed a bad idea. So I had to travel to Seattle incognito, transform myself into Josie and have that identity talk with Cali. The travel was not difficult, I just did it at night over the ocean. That did mean a long detour, but I could travel fast and noiselessly, using my domain to muffle any sounds and ducking into the ocean if anyone approached or even came close and using my telepathic mind division to warn of anyone near. The main challenge was changing into Josie who was significantly taller and weighed more than I did. It meant I was a skinny version of Josie and all my bones were a little less strong than normal. Energy was not an issue, it was just a question of mass.
I couldn't fly around as Josie so I had to take public transport or taxi to get around. I arranged through Joy to meet with Cali at West Point Lighthouse. I introduced myself as a friend of Angel and explained that I had a way to give her the power to find those children who were crying out for help, but it would take six weeks and she would end up a bit younger. I refused to talk about the process but reassured her that it wasn't painful and all she was likely to remember from the six weeks would be some feverish dreams. I didn't want her to answer immediately, but to think about it and contact Joy if she agreed.
I waited for her to leave, dived back into the ocean, became Angel again and returned to base.
Chapter 35
Cali agreed with the plan within a week, but there were a lot of security concerns that needed to be addressed. Cali was an official superhero and although I didn't want to be paranoid, considering the bugs I found in my clothes when I re-birthed Celeste, I worried that Cali would be closely monitored to try and track Josie.
The plan was for Cali to meet Angel on a Miami beach and be taken underwater to Josie or at least, that was how we explained it. She was instructed to have no electronics on her person so that Angel could kill any bugs with her known telekinetic powers. The plan was then to go to a safe house that was stocked with food and drink. Ruth was going to be Cali's re-birth twin because I didn't know if I was going to be able to transfer any power other than telepathy to her, but telepathy was all she needed to prevent another telepath from hearing her thoughts.
The other security concern was how safe would the safe house be. If the government or Superhero League really wanted to find Josie, they could interrogate Steven or anyone we relied on to hide us. Instead, we arranged a massive pallet of frozen meals. We didn't need a refrigerator or freezer since I could keep everything frozen and even could function as a re-heater. I was going to go underwater and stay there for six weeks. I didn't need to create a house, but I thought it might be nice to melt some sand kick out the impurities and create a glass dome. By examining the behaviour of rapidly cooling glass drops (Prince Rupert's Drop), I could use my micro telekinesis to examine and reproduce the structure to create a type of toughened glass. I remembered about the glass drops from way back when I was in school studying physics. Using this material I could make beds, tables, chairs and fill the beds with a dry fine sand. The only thing it would lack was entertainment.
Ruth was not enamoured of the idea because although I didn't need help, it would be, well, helpful, especially during the childbirth. However, the number of people who could help me was limited. Ruth only wanted potential Shadow Angels aware of both the process and my secrets. That way it wouldn't be long before they were telepathic and able to hide our secrets. Thus far there were only two people who had passed her tests to become Shadow Angels and one of them, Brook, wasn't old enough yet. Regardless, I was going to have two helpers, Brook and Emily. Both were very loyal and had every intention of becoming Shadow Angels. The process of finding more appropriate people would be easier once Ruth was telepathic.
Nor was Ruth happy with a spartan type existence. I was tasked with setting up my underwater home and filling it with comfortable lounges, a bookcase filled with books and magazines, a proper wooden dining table, normal chairs, beds with memory foam mattresses in them, bathroom with sinks, bath, shower and toilets, electric generator with fuel enough to last two months, powering a huge fridge and freezer as well as an entertainment system of TV, films and music all downloaded and ready to play. They would still rely on me to keep the air fresh, the temperature right and to enter or exit. I could have left the floor as sand, but according to Ruth, that is a bad idea as sand gets everywhere. No sand particle could escape my domain sense but it wasn't worth arguing, so I created a floor of glass and had to take lots of rugs with me. I needed to seal the whole space anyway.
There was still the possibility that a random diver would find my oasis, but I placed it inside a natural valley and the sea is unfathomably large so it was extremely unlikely. I made sure I did not exceed my domain in size so if that did happen, I could lift it all up and travel to another location.
When I said that to Ruth, she slapped her own forehead, swore and asked how difficult it would be to bring the dome I had created to a random field a few miles off the coast and the answer was not difficult at all. So Ruth organised a location for me to bring it to shore so that we could outfit it properly. The electric generator was changed to a molten salt version that I powered by heating up the salt occasionally. A smaller fuel-driven electric generator was stored as a backup with enough fuel for a couple of days. Carbon dioxide scrubbers were emplaced, just in case and a proper sealable entrance door was purchased and used. Actually two of them with a short hallway between them and a way of letting water into the space or air to displace the water. Again, just in case.
I decided to add a layer of diamond to make it extra sturdy. The glass was already a metre thick because I wanted it to be heavy so it would still sink when I wasn't there to hold it in place. Another emergency addition of inflatable rafts attached as external boxes at the floor level that would provide enough lift to raise the dome to the surface as well as provide a floating platform to escape to with an emergency transmitter to call for help.
Ruth's explanation for all the work was that I could use it repeatedly, changing location whenever I felt a human presence getting close. Whenever I had finished a six-week stint I would bring it in for maintenance and for it to be ready for the next time it was needed.
Some of the ideas that we were using for the dome came from the spaceship design that was still in progress. The spaceship was going to have to be completely reliant on my abilities. They would build in what failsafes they could, but without relying on me, the whole idea became unfeasible. No engines, no fuel, no large oxygen tanks. The molten salt idea had come from the need to generate electricity without having to unfurl large solar panels or carry large quantities of fuel. I had practised on one of their generators and checked that it didn't strain me before it was chosen.
My life was busy and with what I considered to be a worthy goal I was relatively content. I say relatively because I had unfinished business with Hannah. Could we become a couple or would it just be good friends? There was risk involved, but after Hannah's confession that risk had already been taken. Hannah had been surprised by my long term planning. When I decided that something needed to be done, Hannah had thought I would just start attacking the problem, going out at night and rescuing as many as I could and when I finished with one town move on to the next. Of course, I was tempted by that idea, but I was old enough to see the problems inherent in that solution. I already felt guilty for not rescuing Holly, Simone, Terese and Brook earlier, let alone all the others that I helped that night. Logically that doesn't make sense, but emotionally I would be a wreck in a short amount of time. How could I enjoy life if every moment I wasn't helping meant another child being hurt?
By stepping back and looking at the bigger picture, I knew I would be able to help more children and by not being constantly confronted with it, I would be more emotionally stable. Likewise, I discussed with Ruth the idea of Shadow Angels having periods where they were not active. Month on, month off or whatever worked so that they didn't lose their minds. I had already saved a lady who was an excellent psychologist, Samantha, and she was going to help Ruth with assessing and helping our Shadow Angels. At some point, I would have to re-birth her so that she was immune to a telepath's power but she was in her fifties and it would affect her whole family so we were keeping her involvement secret while she decided how far she wanted to be involved.
The fact that Hannah was going out each night and working with the New York superheroes was helping with my peace of mind. Between us, we decided that when I had created two Shadow Angels, Hannah would not need to go out every night. She could then decide whether I re-birthed her to give her flight and an offensive power so that she could become a proper Shadow Angel or help in another way, maybe using her telepathy to help Ruth. At that point, we would create space in our schedules and start dating. Taking it very slow and seeing how it went.
First things first, I needed to be able to create Shadow Angels and to do that I needed to be able to give them Telepathy, Mind partitioning, Flight and an offensive power. And I didn't have the right DNA for that, hence taking a risk with Cali.
Chapter 36
I moved the completed Dome to a few miles off the Miami beach. We had Terese and Joy waiting for Cali to arrive on the beach and when she did, I started the planned procedure. First, I picked up Ruth, Emily and Brook before transporting them into the Dome. I left them there and swam to the beach in my Angel form. I met Cali and told her I was there to take her to Josie. When I was underwater, about halfway to the Dome, I readied my egg as Cali's clone and pulled her soul to join it. Her body immediately died. I knew that was going to happen and used my micro telekinesis to break her body into tiny, tiny pieces. It was then that I found a small tracking device that had been implanted under her skin in her arm.
Anything within my domain I can see, but it is too much information so I have to use my mind partitions to notify me, and they are guided by my wishes. I had not even thought about an implanted devise, so hadn't thought to use my partitioned mind to check for them. I now added that to my list of things to be informed about.
I moved to the Dome quickly and sped off through the water until I felt far enough that my anxiety from the tracking device was assuaged. Nipped in to clone Ruth, took her dead body out and reduced it to mere cells with powdered bone and then continued travelling with my Dome to my sea valley location. I was nicely hidden so I set my telepathic mind to keep a listen out for anybody approaching and finally relaxed.
Brook and Emily were looking a bit shocked because it looked like I had rushed in, killed Ruth without touching her and then got rid of the body. Not completely untrue either.
“Don't worry, Ruth and Cali are nicely safe in my tummy and they didn't feel a thing. You can ask them later,” I reassured them.
I guess they won't be properly reassured until they had been reborn and grown to maturity.
“I'm going to have a little lie-down, call me if you need anything,” I told them.
I lay down to think and examine the new live DNA available to me. I decided that Cali was probably fooled into having that tracking device because otherwise, my telepathic mind division would have likely picked up her worry about being found out when I was clearly security conscious and asked her to not bring anything that might be tracked.
I changed my face to Josie's face in case Cali ended up with any memories from this experience. I don't think she will be conscious enough to notice that Josie has shrunk in height. Examining Cali's DNA was interesting. Her flight power was her mind manipulating the Earth's field and that would be transferable. Her heat powers came from two factors. Her mitochondria opened to a hot dimension and she could pull that heat out and use it, but the ability to pull it out and use it was a personal one that I wasn't going to be able to transfer. Similar to Celeste's ability to manipulate the pure energy that comes from her mitochondria and my micro telekinesis. A little bit of the fire energy did leak out of her cells and do damage but this was mitigated by a weak regenerator ability. The fire energy couldn't be used by the cells to create or generate ATP so she would still need oxygen.
I could now create Shadow Angels with Telepathy, Mind Partitioning, Flight, and a combination of Regeneration with Power Cells. The weak Regeneration that I could take from Cali worked well with Celeste's Power Cells to make the Regeneration surprisingly powerful. Not exactly an offensive ability, but would make my Shadow Angels quite durable and long-lived. All the offensive abilities I had come across had been mind powers that I couldn't transfer, but I thought I had enough to start creating proper Shadow Angels and hope that I would come across other abilities later on.
To Cali, I didn't make any other changes apart from adding telepathy and mind partitioning. When she started to become conscious, Brook and Emily needed to be gone, but that didn't usually happen until a day after I stopped providing breastmilk.
Ruth, on the other hand, had the full works. I had been able to have a frank discussion about what I could do and what she wanted me to do. She was the first to be re-birthed to become part of the Shadow Angel group and she wanted to set a precedent. Power-wise she would have telepathy, mind partitioning, flight and regeneration with Celeste's power cells. Physically, her eyes were changed to an ice blue, just like the ones I had as my Angel form. She went with the full female preference of hairlessness below eyebrows, mild permanent makeup of eyeliner, naturally long and full eyelashes, slight blush to cheeks, red slightly plumped lips, the pelvis and uterus configuration for easy(ish) birth, sensitive vagina, anus, clitoris and nipples, an Angel specific skin colouration change on her back to look like a tattoo of a pair of Angel wings. She also actually wanted a breast reduction to a C-cup, hair that was less curly and no freckles. Lastly, hidden in her right eyebrow would be a small angel tattoo.
Her idea was that either all of that or most of that would become the standard, almost like a uniform. I certainly wasn't going to demand it, but I would go with people's preferences. I suspected breast, hair and skin would be very individual.
The first three weeks were very boring, but I could and did take Brook and Emily out for swims in the ocean, looking at the amazing wildlife and preventing cabin fever. I'm not quite sure how it started but since I kept the temperature constant and being pregnant, I sometimes struggled with my clothes, or more accurately, how I looked in clothes, we all wore less and less until we just agreed to be naked. There was nothing sexual about it, it was a mix of convenience, being comfortable with each other, being the same sex and letting go. Pregnancy and childbirth don't leave much room for modesty and, probably in sympathy, Brook and Emily followed suit.
The birth of twins wasn't much different to the other births I had been through. Ruth came out first and Cali followed. It was helpful that Emily and Brook were there. For the first time, I could make full use of my powers with the babies so we didn't have to constantly change nappies, I could just set a mind partition to catch their messes with my telekinesis put it straight into the toilet and clean their bodies. Feeding both of them at the same time was an interesting experience and my boobs grew larger than normal since I had to produce twice as much milk. I also had to eat more, but, since I, myself, didn't require very much food at all, it was quite manageable. Having Brook and Emily to organise that side of things was wonderful and made my life so much easier. The fact that I didn't require much sleep anymore also made the process much less stressful, but it was still a busy three weeks that passed quickly.
Once they had both had their last breastfeed, when they were fully mature although with a DNA age between fifteen and sixteen, I moved out of sight of Cali and changed my face back to Angel and put on my Angel costume. I then moved the Dome through the water and eventually, up into the air and back to the land Ruth had bought. I then took Cali dressed her and flew to Seattle, holding her in my arms in the princess carry. I sat with her on a park bench that was the closest I could find to her parent's house and waited for her to come to awareness.
When I saw her mind alight I helped her gain control of her mind partitioning and telepathy. I explained how she could set her mind partition to search for people crying out for help. I also mentioned that she had previously had a tracking device lodged into her arm. She hadn't learned to think quietly yet, and I had set my telepathy mind division to listen to her thoughts, so I experienced her shock at that news. I had contemplated not giving her the telepathy because of that, but now, I was glad I did.
I flew up into the air, pointed out where her parent's house was and started my journey home.
Chapter 37
The spaceship was mostly ready, it just needed a pilot navigator and any modifications that were necessary to gel my abilities with the directions from the said pilot. The pilot could hardly just point in a direction and ask me to push. Ruth, of course, had been unavailable for the last six weeks so Steven had taken the reins. Using a combination of money, favours and old boy charm, he had managed to get NASA interested. Steven negotiated an agreement. We would perform a number of jobs for them and they would program our computer, link it with theirs and lend us a pilot. To prove it was worth their while, I needed to take a couple of astronauts up to replace others at the space station.
For this trial run, a very sceptical pilot was loaned to us and communication was set up between our spaceship and NASA. We decided to call our spaceship Angel one. Programming our computer was a much harder and longer project but wasn't necessary for just visiting the space station. I did however need to be guided and someone giving me a set of numbers was completely unhelpful. We rigged up a device that would take the numbers that Bob provided, usually repeating what someone in a NASA control room was telling him, to mechanically point in the direction we needed to travel.
I could feel that metal rod with my domain and move us in that direction. I also needed to be provided with a number to work out how hard to push, how long to push and when to stop. It was too complicated remembering all the different levels of force so I used a mind partition to do direction, acceleration and even constant speed since in the atmosphere we had variable resistance. I could negate a significant portion using my domain, so it was easier to ask what speed and use a gauge they provided to modify my force to a constant speed or a constant acceleration. Gravity itself was interesting as, within my domain, gravity was what I wanted it to be and that was usually one G as that was what I was used to. My partitioned mind didn't immediately respond to the changes that the pilot wanted but waited for my go-ahead, which worked well because the pilot usually set up a clock timer for when the change was to be implemented, how long for, at what acceleration, or at what speed to maintain.
A lot of it was testing and set up for the longer journeys into space. Bob also came with multiple instruments that would be assessing things like oxygen levels, air composition and air pressure. Although Bob was very professional, he was also a condescending male chauvinist pig. I could deal with taking him on the trip to the space station, but there was no way I would be able to spend long periods of time in his company. He had already hinted at sharing my bed. I spoke to Steven about it and suggested that a female co-pilot be brought on and for any long journeys, Bob would stay Earthbound. I told Ruth that we needed to train one of our own and have some way of doing this without NASA. She told me that when we had enough money it would not be a problem and she was working on it.
Once everyone was happy with all the tests, I took Bob, Cathy, the requested female co-pilot, and the two replacement astronauts. All four were dressed in spacesuits and were surprised that I wasn't. I sat in the comfortable leather chair that was in the centre of the craft so that my domain had an even reach in all directions. There were two chairs at the front, meant for the pilot navigator and myself when I needed more of my domain for what was in front of us. In this case, Cathy was in that seat as the co-pilot. The two passengers were strapped behind me.
The first shock was the lack of acceleration that they could feel. I usually allowed my passengers to feel a certain amount of acceleration when I flew because I thought it would be helpful for their minds. You feel the acceleration, you know you are moving. It was, however, a choice for me and after a snarky comment from Bob that I did not appreciate I wanted to mess with his mind. I could see him constantly checking the gauges to confirm that he was actually moving. The next shock was the fact that the gravity did not change, even when we were docking with the space station.
For me, it was a very slow and boring experience. I just told my partitioned mind to act when it was time to, based on what Bob had programmed in. For the astronauts, it was a magical experience. The journey was mostly silent, with a few awed whispers, it was ridiculously fast by NASA standards and the views were amazing. Because I couldn't feel anything beyond my twenty metres of domain, I wanted to be able to see around me, so part of the design incorporated many windows in all directions. Since they were all made of diamond they were probably stronger than the metals they were encased in. In front of the pilot navigator were a bevvy of screens representing all the cameras that had been installed. We also had what I called the sensor suite, but it was just an infrared camera and spectrometer and an x-ray into gamma-ray spectrometer. Theoretically, that was going to be pointed at asteroids to determine their composition so we could work out which ones would be worth refining. It was going to be the computer's job to analyse the data and tell us the results.
The mission was a complete success, so the next step was to leave Angel one with NASA for them to sort out the computer and recommend any changes. I could see that being a headache, but it was Ruth and Steven's headache. The first fight was going to be getting Bob off the team, but there was no way I was spending a prolonged period of time in close proximity with that man. Ideally, I didn't want to go asteroid hunting until I had created a few Shadow Angels and Hannah could come with me. If she wanted to, which I hoped she did, not that I was expecting...
I had to tear my mind thoughts away from my loops in logic and emotion. What will be, will be.
Chapter 38
I couldn't do any more on the spacecraft front, although I had an interesting chat with one of the NASA scientists who had been very curious about my ability to create sheets of diamond. Surprisingly enough his interest was not about getting rich quick and he mentioned that they had increased security significantly when they realised what they thought was glass, wasn't. Joining NASA for Mark, the scientist in question, as well as for a large number of employees was about the dream of man conquering space. Many worried about an extinction-level event since asteroids have impacted Earth on a number of occasions and the next one was overdue statistically. Bearing that in mind, the dream of man living on more than one planet was shared by many at NASA and they were constantly thinking of ways to make that possible.
Mark's question was if I could make diamond from coal, could I make graphene and could I make contiguous graphene or single-crystal graphene. Mark was of the opinion that man's best chance to explore space was by using a space elevator and the main obstacle was producing a tether strong enough. Single-crystal graphene has been predicted to be strong enough but it would need to be a minimum of 36,000km long. I wouldn't have any difficulty creating the graphene, but a minimum of 36,000km? Not interested. You would need some kind of industrial process to produce those sorts of quantities. When I looked it up, 36,000km was just to reach geostationary orbit, but most suggested a tether of more than double that with a counterweight on the end.
Graphene itself, though, was a very interesting material and might be useful for creating our Shadow Angel super suits. It was electrically conductive which means it might be able to create a faraday cage to protect our girls from supers with lightning and strong enough to stop knives and bullets. Ruth would be in charge of organising that, or finding the right person to organise that, but it was worth letting her know that I could produce the material if it was needed.
Since I couldn't do any more on the asteroid-hunting until NASA was ready with our modified Angel one, I wanted to turn my attention back to creating Shadow Angels. While Ruth was researching Shadow Angel candidates, I felt I could use my traditional method of helping people who might then want to help others.
I tried to be as legitimate as possible. I spoke to the New York supers before I ventured out, I had a phone with GPS so that I could be obviously tracked, videoed everything for evidence and asked my telepathic mind division for a mature person who was calling for help.
Stephanie's POV
The problem with drinking was that there was a consequence. I tapped Karen on her shoulder and pointed to the toilets. The music was too loud to make talking worth the effort. She nodded her head and passed both our drinks to Isla and readied herself to get up. The last thing we needed was doctored drinks. Not that anyone would deliberately spike mine. I did my best with a wig, close shave and lots of makeup, but my jawline and adam's apple gave me away, so I still got the looks of disgust and abusive mutterings.
One of the reasons we chose this place was because it had disabled toilets. We had to line up with other, clearly not disabled people waiting to use it and went in together when it was available. It was only women in the line and I wasn't sure if that was because there was an even longer line to the ladies or because they were like me, just better looking and indistinguishable from genetic girls.
We had just left to head back to our table when I felt a hand land on my shoulder and grip strongly. Karen was in front of me and I called out her name as she was getting further away from me, then turned around to face whoever it was. It wasn't one person though it was three and they looked mean and angry. To say I was scared would be an understatement. I tried strongly to pull away, but more hands grabbed me. I started screaming, but something hard hit my jaw and shut me up and disorientated me. When I had gathered my senses, I was already halfway through a fire door exit leading onto a dark alley.
I took in a deep breath “Help!” I shouted, except one of them punched me in the stomach before I had got more than the 'H' out so the rest was more of a moan. I couldn't breathe and bent over from the hit. They were shouting things at me and punching me and I was panicking and just wanting to get a breath in. I fell to the ground after a sharp pain in my knee. I tried to curl up in the fetal position and protect my head as the kicks kept coming.
Between one moment and the next, it just... stopped. To be honest, I thought that I had died. The sound cut out and the kicking stopped, but I could still feel pain all over my body, especially my knee so I quickly realised that I was alive. Either that or I was going to be very disappointed in the afterlife. I took my hands away from my face and looked around to find the three men on the floor around me vomiting and clutching their balls. Looking up I saw Angel, floating serenely above, staring with anger at the downed men, holding up a phone obviously videoing.
Then she turned to me and compassion filled her face. “I'm not a healer, but I can do some repair to the bones and ligaments. Give me a sec while I work it out.”
I didn't see the difference between healing and repairing, but I wasn't going to say anything.
“Try moving your knee,” she told me and as she spoke the door burst open and Karen with Isla and Tania came rushing out with a bouncer following.
I moved my knee and found it wasn't as painful. I gathered myself and stood up.
“What happened?” the bouncer asked while my girlfriends looked on in shock.
Angel looked at him like he was an idiot. 'What do you think happened?' clearly going through her mind.
“These three... men, attacked this lady here. All I've done is stop them, but I would suggest they go to hospital to be checked out,” Angel said.
Then I felt myself and my girlfriends lift off the ground and be pulled together as we went straight up.
“I didn't think it would be nice staying there. I have all the evidence that the police should need if you want to press charges,” Angel said.
“Thank you so much. I think you saved my life.”
“You're welcome. I wish I could come before the action starts, but people don't call for help before the action starts, even in their minds. Anyway, first off, you don't owe me anything. I was happy to help,” Angel started.
“But...?” Karen questioned, the cynical person that she is.
Angel smiled at us, but it wasn't an upset smile. “But I could do with some help. Do any of you know what it is I'm trying to do?”
“You are part of that Angel foundation, looking after abused kids?” Isla asked more than stated.
“Yes, that is part of it, but I am also trying to set up a group of Shadow Angels to go out and save people,” she explained.
“Why do you call them shadow angels, doesn't that imply they would be vigilantes and how would we be able to help, we don't have any powers?” Karen asked.
“Unfortunately, going into homes, taking video evidence and saving kids is not a legal enterprise. Tonight, those three men will find they have a condition called twisted testicles or testicular torsion. The vomiting was just temporary vertigo. The testicle issue is treatable, but they could try and sue me if I was part of a legal superhero group. That is one reason and the other one answers your other question. A friend of mine has a very unique ability. She is able to copy people and transfer their consciousness into the copy, however, she can alter the copy so that her new self is a superhero. At the same time, they regress in age to about sixteen years old. She is paranoid and secretive because the process itself is uncomfortable and painful, taking six weeks, but the powers that be are already trying to get hold of her. She must not fall into the wrong hands. I, myself, protect her when she goes through the six weeks, but she is prepared to do that for a good cause,” Angel explained.
“Could the copy change sex?” I asked trying to contain the excitement that was trying to bubble up.
She smiled at me. “I'm pretty sure the answer is yes. It's a little complicated and I don't know it all, just what she has explained to me, but everyone has a part of their DNA that really matters, that can't be altered without changing who that person is. She calls them the read-only files. Anything else can be altered, so height, hair colour, you name it, most of it is in DNA expression and you can choose what you want.”
“So you want us to become Shadow Angels?” Karen asked.
“Not quite. I want you to apply. As you can imagine the cloning process is unpleasant and takes time. There is also the thought that power corrupts, so we have to be careful who we chose. I am not in charge of that side of things but the idea is to have a psychologist and a telepath interview you.”
“I want to apply,” I said almost before she finished. “I also know a lot of individuals who are transgender that would apply. Yes, a big motivating factor would be the complete genetic sex change where you can literally choose the body you want, but the group as a whole are very open-minded loving individuals who tend to care strongly about others. The idea of saving kids will appeal to most of them.”
Artwork by Mantori
of human kindness
The Legal Stuff: Filled with the milk of human kindness ©2020 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
Chapter 1
I tried to hope. I like to think of myself as an optimistic person, more ready to smile than frown, but I am pretty sure my smile was brittle today. This would be my third foster home and I had already got the impression that my new foster parents didn't care about any of us, apart from the money that we could bring. On the plus side, the one person I had been most scared to meet was my new foster father after the fiasco with my last one and Greg seemed harmless and completely disinterested.
This was also a foster home for girls and Lisa, Greg's wife, and clearly the one who wore the trousers in the house, had made sure that I knew my place. I was an unusual case and was hoping that I would keep the details private, however, Lisa had just asked me to explain to all the girls why I got the small cupboard, that was called a single bedroom, all to myself. Having been read the riot act about telling the truth, I knew I was about to out myself and was positive my life was over before it had begun.
We were sitting at the dinner table and I had taken part in its preparation while Lisa sat down like a queen and directed us. Now I had to explain why I was special.
“I err... have a condition that means my hormones don't react the way they are supposed to. It means that although I was technically born a boy, I have developed as a girl. My male bits don't work, I look like a girl, so I am now considered female.”
It took three hospital trips and a doctor threatening to sue before the state decided to take any action and that was to move me to a different school zone and reclassify me as female. I had hoped to be able to have some different clothes, which Lisa said we couldn't afford, and enter the new school with everyone believing I was a girl. With three younger girls and one older now knowing that I had been born a boy, I wasn't going to expect any improvement from last year. Apart from this year, I presumed my foster father wasn't going to try and rape me. Fingers-crossed.
I was expecting a deluge of questions, but I had forgotten that no one was allowed to talk at the dinner table unless asked a question. I got a horrified look from Demi, who was the older girl and more curious looks from the younger ones. Demi probably had a right to be upset since she had been forced to vacate the cupboard and join the two double bunk beds in the other bedroom with the other girls. From what I understood, Demi was turning eighteen in about nine months and would have to look for alternative arrangements after that. I was only just sixteen, so I had another two years potentially. I wasn't sure I would live that long, but it was possible.
School had started a week ago and Lisa asked each of the girls to tell us about their day and what they had learned. Clearly, this was a common question and everybody had an answer already organised. Lisa seemed to be a strange mix of a strict disciplinarian and uncaring liberal. Because I was sixteen, I was expected to do some housework and was given a schedule, but I was also expected to be responsible for my own decisions, so there was no curfew and I could be there for dinner or not as I chose. Of course, if I wasn't there then I wouldn't be fed.
My school lunch was being paid for by the state, so I prayed that it was good enough and satisfying enough that I could skip dinner. Breakfast was cereal, a few non-sugar, high-fibre varieties, with very low-fat milk and we were allowed one piece of fruit a day, usually an apple. Dinner was usually a salad with a bit of meat mixed in. Greg would have additional items like steak and baked potato. I noticed that Greg had left his salad portion. I ate mine but had never liked salad.
When dinner was finished we all cleared up together, silently because Lisa was there and then asked permission to be excused which she regally granted. I went back to my room and all the younger girls followed me. I then had a choice. They were obviously curious and I could shut my door and not talk to them or I could let them in.
I sighed and let them in.
They looked between them, deciding on the person who was going to lead. I sat on my bed cross-legged and waited for them to settle themselves and choose a leader. They waited for my permission to sit on the bed, which was polite. I gestured acceptance and kept my smile friendly.
They were silent for a bit, until the youngest, who was only about six, prodded the oldest who was maybe nine.
“Why do you need your own room if you are a girl?” Lana, the nine-year-old asked.
“I still have remanent boy bits and if we were in the same room, you would see them when we were getting dressed. Young ladies are not allowed to see boy bits,” I explained.
“You mean a penis and tentacles,” Daisy the six-year-old stated.
“Have you seen a baby boy?” I asked, trying not to laugh at the word choice.
“I have,” Lana said.
“When a baby boy is born they have a small penis,” I said holding my fingers apart to show about an inch. “And when they go through puberty it gets larger, only in my case, it didn't. Instead, I grew breasts like Demi.”
“What about your tentacles?” Daisy asked.
In fact, my testicles had never descended, but that was too complicated to explain, so I just told them the end result. “I had them removed because they weren't working and they could have made me ill.” I thought these girls were cute and I didn't want to correct them.
Jill the silent girl in the middle prodded Lana again. There was a furious whisper between them that I didn't catch, then Lana asked, “can we see?”
“I'm sorry, but you're not allowed to see until you are older. If I showed you I would have to leave here,” I explained.
“Why?” Daisy asked.
“They are adult rules and I don't get to make them or change them,” I answered.
“Are you nice?” Daisy asked.
“I try to be. I do want to ask a favour. Can you not tell anyone else about my boy bits?” I asked pleadingly.
They all shrugged and nodded. I didn't expect my secret to remain a secret though. Six-year-old's don't keep secrets very well and Demi would be a hard case to win over.
The next morning, I had my shower in my appointed time, brushed my shoulder-length hair back into a ponytail and used an elastic band to hold it together. I put on the only clothes I had available, my old male clothes. Not that it made me look like a boy. If it had I probably wouldn't have had half the problems. It did make me look shapeless. I had no bra, just a tight T-shirt and a looser hoodie to go on top, boys underwear and baggy sweatpants. My shoes were trainers meant for young boys.
We all left together first to drop off the younger girls at their school, then on to ours. Demi told me in no uncertain terms that I was to stay away from her and that she would have nothing to do with me. She wasn't going to tell anyone my secret because she was worried that she would be tarred with the same brush. I found out later that she tended to hang with the stoners and was considered 'easy', so I'm not sure why she worried about her reputation.
I tried to act invisible. I noticed the look of disgust on the face of the pretties, the dismissive look from the guys and, to be honest, I was happy with that. If only it could stay that way. My academic classes were fine and I had a doctors certificate to get me out of gym class. The only issue was using the disabled toilets. I wasn't allowed to use the girl's toilets and if I was fortunate enough to make any friends, I would have to explain that.
At lunch, I chose the table near the bins, guessing that it would be the outcast area. There was only one girl sitting there and she seemed a bit hunched in like she was expecting the world to beat her.
“You may not want to sit here,” she told me, looking up.
When she looked up I was surprised by how good she looked. She had these sparkling blue eyes that were just gorgeous. I began to wonder if I had chosen the wrong table.
“Err.. is this the outcast table?” I asked.
She did this cute snort giggle and smiled at me. “Yup.”
I smiled back. “Then I am in the right place. I qualify on a number of levels.”
Another girl sat down. She was also pretty but had quite bad acne. “New girl, you're at the wrong table,” she told me quite severely. “Dressing badly doesn't earn you a spot here. You need to be a lesbian or ugly.”
I smiled at her, despite her scowl. “Dressing like a boy, having no money, being an orphan and liking girls. I am also disfigured, but I am not showing you that.”
One more girl sat down. “Who's the new girl?” she asked.
“Hi, I'm Adi,” I told her.
“She's a disfigured lesbian orphan with a bad sense of style,” the girl with the sparkling eyes told her. “Hi, I'm Chris,” she gestured to the girl on her left who had just arrived and was sitting opposite me, “Stacy, and the angry one is Rebecca or Bex. She has had a few friends turn on her so she is always suspicious. Just in case you are wondering, Bex, is not a lesbian.”
I felt like protesting that she wasn't ugly either, but I knew she was probably very conscious of her acne on her face. She did have quite a bad case of it.
“If you show me your disfigurement, I'll accept you,” she told me.
I think the colour drained from my face and I felt physically sick. I got up hurriedly from the table and rushed to the nearest disabled toilet. I was throwing up in the toilet when I felt a hand stroking my back. I had gone in so fast I hadn't locked the door.
“I'm sorry,” a lost voice said repeatedly.
I managed to lever myself up, spitting to try and get the taste out of my mouth. I moved to the sink to cup some water and rinse my mouth. Bex was still with me, now looking forlorn.
“I didn't mean to upset you. It's just, mine is so obvious and in the worst possible place, I didn't think yours could be as bad.”
“Bex. It is not a competition and, for the record, I don't think you are either ugly or disfigured,” I told her.
Her angry scowl came back in a hurry. She crossed her arms and glared at me. “You think you have it worse than me.”
Now I was getting angry. “Yes, I think I have it worse than you. Lock the door and I'll show you my disfigurement.”
Bex locked the door, now looking uncertain.
I pulled my pants down, still staring her in the eyes. “I am not a man, I am not a woman. I can't have children, I can't even have sex, the bloody thing doesn't work and even if it did, I doubt a woman would even feel it. I have no friends, no family and no money. You think I am wearing these clothes because I want to? Now, thanks to you, my only meal of the day is down the toilet, literally. So, you have acne, big deal!”
Her eyes mostly stayed on mine but flicked down occasionally.
“Do you want more of a sob story? I've got more. My new foster family made me tell my foster sisters so the whole school will know my secret soon. Then the abuse and the beatings will start again. Although this time, I hope my foster father doesn't try and rape me.”
My anger drained out of me. I pulled my pants back up and sighed. “Just go,” I told her quietly. “Do what you want, tell, don't tell. I don't care.”
Bex just stood there, stunned. I didn't want to wait for the inevitable disgust, so I just walked past her and opened the door to let myself out.
Chapter 2 Chris' POV
I was annoyed with Bex when Adi took off. Obviously showing her body to Bex was horrifying to her and she had specifically said that she wouldn't. Yes, we were outcasts but I had never thought that we were unkind. We tried to leave the nastiness to others. To be fair, Bex did look devastated when she saw Adi's reaction and normally has a heart of gold.
I was now waiting for Bex to return, hopefully with Adi and everything forgiven.
Eventually, Bex returned, but she was spaced out, in a kind of daze.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I had err... an epiphany. You know when all these realisations happened at once. I am still processing.”
We both gave her a couple of minutes but the daze didn't appear to be wearing off.
“Did you apologise?” Stacy asked. “And where is Adi?”
“Yes?” Bex answered uncertainly. “Maybe. Well, I did, but then I cocked it up.”
“How could you mess up an apology?” I asked, confused.
“I apologised, but also explained why I had said what I had said and she told me that it wasn't a competition and that she didn't think I was ugly,” Bex explained.
“The bitch,” Stacy said sarcastically.
“Exactly,” Bex answered, ignoring the sarcasm. “So I got a bit angry and she got angry right back and showed me her... umm... disfigurement.”
“Was it really bad?” Stacy asked worriedly.
“No. It was actually kind of beautiful,” Bex said with a sigh. “I'm not making much sense, am I? OK. Let me try a different way. You know when you have missed a meal for whatever reason and you get really hungry at your next one. Say I hadn't eaten yesterday so, at this lunch, I was starving. But we know there are people in various parts of the world who are much worse off, right, you know, who are literally dying of hunger. I would be here thinking I am so hungry, probably more hungry than anyone else in the room. In fact, no one has experienced as much hunger as I was experiencing. And I am speaking to someone who I have never met before who is smiling at me and because she is smiling at me, I know she can't be as hungry as me and I am angry at her for smiling when I am feeling this hungry. So I tell her that she doesn't know what hunger is, she has no idea of true suffering and she just smiles at me and tells me that I have only missed food for a day. I yell at her, telling her I am much worse off than her and she gets angry back and tells me that she hasn't eaten in a year.”
Bex leaned back on her chair. “That startles me, of course, but then I wonder, why was she smiling and I realise that I was looking at what I didn't like, concentrating on my suffering and she was looking for things she was grateful for. I have a family, friends, people who love me. I am angry at the world because I have one thing wrong with me, one thing I don't like. She has so much wrong in her life and she is looking for one thing to like, to enjoy. I feel like shit.”
“But you said she isn't disfigured,” I said, trying to understand.
“That's just it. I don't think she is, but that is not important. She thinks she is, just as she doesn't think I am.”
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” Stacy said.
“That has been said to me a lot, especially by my mother and I never understood it. Now, I think I do. I couldn't understand how anyone could look at my face and not see ugliness, but I could see Adi thought the same about her issues and she is wrong. So I guess I must have been wrong too.”
Bex then leaned forwards again fixing us both with a serious stare. “We have to help her.”
“I don't even know what is wrong with her,” Stacy muttered.
“I don't want to talk about it here. Do you want to meet up at my place after school?” Bex asked.
We all agreed. Bex had an older brother and they had converted the room over the garage for his use. It was separate from the house so it gave him some privacy and now that he had moved out, Bex had the use of it. Her parents didn't want her to move into it permanently, but it was a useful place for us to meet.
Stacy and I had a meeting with an LGBT group, so we didn't manage to get there until it was almost seven. Bex said she would order pizza and my mum agreed to pick us up at ten and drop us both home. It was a bit late for a school night, but we had said it was for a good cause. I had great parents and Stacy did too. It was because they were so understanding that we had both felt able to come out to them two years ago when I was fourteen. It came as a bit of a shock to discover the world was not as nice.
Having pizza was quite a big thing for Bex. Since her acne had started she had tried everything to make it go away. Various doctor prescribed drugs, creams, cleaning regimes and then diet changes. None of it had worked. I can't think of the last time she had agreed to eat something greasy like pizza. She had been a member of the beautiful crowd and even worse had been a regular beauty pageant contestant. On the plus side, it meant she had been good with makeup and had managed to hide it for some time, but when the acne refused to go away, the comments started and her supposed friends abandoned her. She went from being one of the most beautiful girls in the school to feeling like she was one of the ugliest.
And so she had joined our little group.
I went up the stairs and knocked on the door.
“Come in!” I heard her shout.
We entered finding Bex in the kitchenette cutting up and dishing out a pizza and shock of shocks, she was smiling.
“How was the meeting? Anyone new?” Bex asked.
“No, just the usual,” I admitted.
I only went because my therapist insisted and I think Stacy only went because I went. Stacy and I weren't a couple although everyone thought we were. We were very good friends and had tried it once, but we are both a bit submissive and like it when someone else takes charge. It was a shame that Bex wasn't that way inclined. She had the right kind of bossiness that we both liked.
“So what's with the pizza. I thought you were never going to eat it again,” Stacy asked Bex.
“Not eating it wasn't making a difference. If I feel it is worse in the next couple of days I might swear off it again. I feel like I have been in a pit for the last couple of years and spent it all complaining and only just realised that I could have spent all that time happy if I had just concentrated on what was important. Yes, I still don't like how my face looks and I will still be trying everything and anything to get rid of my acne, but whether I do or not should not determine whether I am happy. Some people have it much worse than me.”
“Speaking of which, can you tell us now what is going on with Adi? I am still confused after your speech at lunchtime,” I queried.
She was munching on her pizza slice so we had to wait and she was clearly thinking about what to say at the same time.
“Everything she said to me has been ringing through my brain all day. I've done some research, but I don't really know what is going on. I do have some guesses. Let's start with the obvious stuff. No one cares about her and I mean, no one. I don't know what happened to her birth family, but she has been in foster homes and in the previous one her step-father tried to rape her. She has just moved to a new one, I suspect so that she can move to a new school zone because she was being bullied so badly in her previous one. Her new foster parents have just revealed her secret to her new foster family which probably means her secret won't stay a secret for long.”
“What secret?” I asked.
“Let me ask you a question. Do you see anything masculine about her?” Bex asked. “Don't try and guess based on the question, just think about her and tell me.”
“She was wearing boys clothes, but no, the only impression I got was that she was female. Is she transgender? Is it female to male transgender?” I asked.
“No. I think she was born a boy. She has a really small penis and an empty sac underneath it. That is her 'disfigurement', but I have to say it looked kind of cute. I don't think she is deliberately transitioning. She said she could never have sex because it didn't work. If she wanted to be a girl I think she would be quite happy with it not working. My guess is that she has some type of intersex condition.”
“Why do you think that?” Stacy asked curiously. None of us were going to get upset by any variation on gender or sexuality. If the school did find out though, she probably wouldn't fair well, judging by our treatment.
“In foster care, I'm not sure you would get the best medical care, but for her to have no masculine features and no testicles she would have needed to be on anti-testosterone type drugs from an early age. I didn't see her top half, but her bottom half looked very curvy and very feminine. I just don't think that would be allowed. Normal practice is to wait until you are sixteen for hormones and eighteen for the operation.”
I sighed. “OK. How do we help then.”
“The most important thing to her right now is friendship. Drag her to our table and see if we can make a better impression. After that, she needs clothes and maybe a job,” Bex suggested.
“I don't know if any of our clothes will fit her. She looked a bit overweight, although, with those baggy clothes on, that might not be true.”
“Why don't we go through our clothes and pick out all the stuff that doesn't fit, or we thought we liked, but have never worn it and if we can be honest with ourselves and admit, we never will. Anything that doesn't fit we can take to a charity shop and maybe do a swap. I can do a make-over and maybe, if we can get her in the right clothes it would be easier to find her a job. I would have to get my mum's permission. I can't do the make-over here.”
“My mum might be willing to donate some underwear,” I suggested. My mum ran the local Victoria's Secret store. “I would have to tell her as well. I don't think that is a problem, though.”
“Food is the other issue. If she is overweight, I don't think she will be for long. The only decent food she gets, and the word decent is questionable, is lunch at school,” Bex said.
“At the weekends we can invite her to our houses for lunches or dinners. Do you think it would be OK if I tell my parents as well? They could check her out medically, if she was willing, and make sure she is being treated right,” Stacy added.
“That sounds good to me. Why don't we tentatively organise this Saturday for the clothes, make-over and lunch? We will all speak to our parents and see what we can do. That gives us a few days to win her over,” Bex decided.
Filled with the Milk of Human Kindness is now available on Amazon.
Please find below the link for the Amazon page.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B086KZVMLT
The fabulous artwork for the cover was done by Mantori.
Also, just letting you know that I am intending to publish Playing with Alien Toys, Sad Smiles, My Unexplained Entity Intervention and possibly Campfire Songs at some point fairly soon.
Hugs
Savannah
The Legal Stuff: For the love of my sister ©2017 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
For the Love of My Sister
I sat facing my girlfriend, Emma, for possibly, the most awkward conversation of my life. We were sitting on opposing sofas with a coffee table in between, in the flat she had rented with a couple of girlfriends, but they were out at the moment. I loved saying, even in my own mind, girlfriend. She was gorgeous. She was a bit curvaceous and some might describe her differently, but to me she was perfect. I was a bit worried that what I was about to discuss, might put her off me a bit.
We had only been going out 3 months, and I know that wasn't long, but, if I could have married her tomorrow, I would have. She was my first, and if I had my way, she would be my only. For me to have this conversation, she needed some of my unpleasant family history and I couldn't remember how much I had told her.
“Err... how much have I told you about my sister?”
“Not much. I think you told me she was 4 and very sick. Whenever you mentioned her, you got a bit upset and I changed the subject.”
“She has leukaemia, it started she was barely 3 and now, they have told us there is nothing more they can do.” Just thinking about it was tearing me up.
“Oh baby.” she swapped to my sofa and gave me hug.
“This could be her last Christmas. They are going to let her go home a couple of days before, I think they said, the 23rd.”
“When did you find out?”
“Yesterday. You know I go and visit her every Saturday. It's not too much of a surprise. We could all see where it was heading.”
“So you want to spend all of Christmas with her. I understand completely.”
“Yes, I want to spend as much time as possible with her, but that was not what I wanted to talk about.” I cuddled her a bit closer. “I think I need to tell you a bit about my family.” I sighed. “My mother had a one night stand 20 years ago. She knew who my father was, but he was also young. She was 16 and he was 17. He was not ready to take on any responsibility, and has never been in my life. His parents have been great and they helped mum along with her parents to bring me up.”
“I think they did a great job.” She said.
“Thanks. When my mum married Charles, my step-father, 10 years ago, I was happy for her. He seemed a nice guy, trying hard to look after her. I am not the most manly of men. I am a bit short.”
“You're the same height as me.”
“True. You, of course, are the perfect height. For a guy, I am a bit short, thin and not very muscular. It is just who I am, and has never really bothered me that much. Charles is the opposite. After he didn't have to impress mum, he started on the insults and generally being unpleasant to me. Never in front of her. I could have told her, but I didn't want to be the cause of her unhappiness. Anyway, what this meant was that I stayed out of the house as much as possible. When John, my brother was born, Charles was overjoyed, but mum went through a bit of post natal depression, so I helped out a fair bit. When it happened again with Katie, I was almost her sole carer for 3 months, so I am really close to both my siblings. My playing, I suppose you could call it a maternal role, with both of his kids, really brought out the nasty in Charles. He started to become unpleasant to me, even when mum was present. This made life a bit difficult. I wanted to be around Katie and John, but not around Charles. It doesn't help that he got laid off work and has not found a job since.”
“I love your caring nature.”
I smiled at Emma. “Thanks.” I lost my smile as I realised I needed to get to the heart of the matter. “When I visited Katie on Saturday, I asked her, if I could wave a magic wand, what would she wish for?”
“What did she say?”
“She wished I was her sister. Then Charles wouldn't be mad at me, and we could play with her dolls and have tea time together. Fun time between 2 girls. Since she has been ill, she hasn't had anyone to play with. I have had to stay away and John is not interested in playing anything girly.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“Well, this is going to sound a bit weird, and I hope you still respect me in the morning.”
She laughed, disengaged from the hug and faced me with a raised eyebrow.
“Would it be possible, I mean could you help me...errr..”
“What?”
I couldn't keep looking her directly in the eyes, so I looked down. “Could you help me grant her wish?”
She put her fingers under my chin and gently lifted until I had to meet her eyes. “You want me to help you look like you are her sister?”
“Yes.” I tried to bring my head down again. I didn't want to see a negative reaction. She prevented that with a very serious look in her eyes.
“Wish granted.” Then she leaned forwards and kissed me on the lips with more passion than she had ever shown me. What followed was wild. I have never been particularly aggressive and when it came to our love life, she had been the aggressor. That night she was like a thing possessed. She couldn't get enough of me and that stimulated my desire like crazy.
The next morning, heading towards lunchtime, we went for a walk in the park, mainly so we could have a talk without her flatmate's hearing us. We found a deserted bench with no one around and settled down to talk.
“Yesterday was amazing. Best day of my life.” I said smiling.
She smiled back, looking a bit embarrassed. “Mine too.”
“First of all I want to tell you what I have felt since the first moment I saw you. You are the one. I don't want to sound stalkerish, so I will leave it at that. You are my one and hopefully my only. Anything you say is highly unlikely to change that. So spill. What happened yesterday?”
“Err...well, it is a bit embarrassing.”
“More embarrassing that asking your girlfriend to help dress you up as a girl?”
“That's the thing. I don't see that as embarrassing, I see that as a turn on.”
“Does this mean you would like me to do that, regardless of my situation with Katie?”
“Emm, maybe.” I took her blushing cheeks in my hands and kissed her slowly. “Definitely.” She said. “You have to understand my upbringing. I've told you that I have 2 mums, Cathy and Drew. Well, one of my mums is biologically my dad. To me, a man dressing as a woman is an everyday occurrence. To be honest, before I met you, I thought I was a lesbian.”
“Wow, then I have come to the right person.”
“More than you know.” She turned away from me a bit. “Do you still want to go out with me?”
It was my turn to lift her chin to make sure we could keep eye contact. “Will you marry me?”
Her eyes went startlingly wide as shock hit her system. “Wh...Wh...What?”
“Yes, I still want to go out with you. To me you are the perfect woman. If you want me to dress up occasionally, so what. Most women want a fireman dress up rather than a French maid, but, let's be honest. I probably will fit the French maid better.”
She licked her lips, I think she was picturing me in a French maid outfit. Then shook her head. “We can deal with my fantasies later. What you have suggested is a fairly serious thing to do for your sister.”
“I know. I figured there were 2 ways to do it. I could say that Santa granted my wish and just be a girl for a few days or stay a girl in her presence until she is not with us any more.” The sadness of that statement started bringing tears to my eyes again. “Her Birthday is in late January and the doctors don't think she will make it. Boxing day the rest of the family comes round. I'm not sure I could do the female thing in front of my grandparents. No matter what I said, I don't think they would understand.”
“How far do you want to take it?”
“I have no idea how far you can take it. This is not something I have researched or thought about.”
“Do you know what my parents do for a living?”
“No. I think you said they ran a business and you wanted to do a business degree to help them. But I don't think you ever mentioned what business.”
“We own a luxury salon that also caters for the alternative lifestyle. To put it bluntly, we have all the usual salon stuff, but also offer extras to help men transform themselves to look like women. Quite a few of the staff are either transgender, lesbian or somewhere in that spectrum. With your, shall we call it non-masculine build, I'm pretty sure, we could make you completely passable.”
“You definitely are the right person to talk to. I was just thinking, have a shave, borrow some clothes, you help me with make up. If I have a choice, for Katie's last wish, I would like to go all out. How expensive is it?”
“Normally, the expense depends on how far you want to take it. Take breast forms for example. You can get foam jobs that from a distance look alright. They are pretty cheap. Top of the line, we match your skin tone, silicone with a similar weight and hang to real ones, semi-erect nipple. You glue them on and a bit of touch up make up for the almost invisible edges. The only person who would know they weren't real is you, when someone touches them and you can't feel anything. If you are willing, I will organise the works. It won't cost you a thing. It will almost be a present to myself. If Katie is coming home on the 23rd, I will set it up for the 22nd. Could I stay with you?”
“Considering Charles, it would probably be best if I slept elsewhere and came back each morning and left after Katie goes to bed. I know Charles is going to give me even more shit than usual, he may even use it as an excuse to chuck me out. For Katie, it will be worth it.”
“You can stay at mine and we can get the train in each morning. It will probably take us an hour each way, but I would so make it worth your while. The next issue is clothes.”
“I thought I could borrow yours. We are the same height.”
“We could do that, but we would have to pad you out a bit more than usual. If I had a choice, I would be slimmer, more like you. And you would have to get used to quite a weight on your chest.”
“If I could have your shape, I would be delighted. That would give me the perfect figure.”
“Flatterer, that kind of talk will get you ravished again.”
“After 5 times last night, I am not sure I have got it in me. But I am willing to give it the good old college try.”
She giggled. “Right. We need to get you to the salon today. You need to be measured and they need to get the skin tone. We can also choose a wig. You need to start growing your hair and eventually the wig won't be necessary. We are going to have to work on your voice though.”
She made some phone calls and then we travelled to this really expensive looking spa and I was ushered through to a back room. Emma stayed with me, for which I was grateful. I not only had to get stripped and measured, they explained how I could pop my testicles back inside and Emma measured the size of my penis, after applying some ice to get it as small as possible. That was to help them choose the right silicone vagina. Way embarrassing.
The actual date she managed to get us in was the 18th of December. We both were waxed, moisturised, massaged, manicured and pedicured. Partially, that was due to scheduling, but also, with the full body wax they had planned, my body needed a bit of time to recover, redness to go down, before the glueing session, that was on the 22nd December. Besides the breast forms, the vagina was also glued on and hip/ buttock forms. We were close enough in size after that for me to fit into Emma's clothes. They also fit the wig and did my make up. I would have to take it off and re do it the next day. God I hoped it made Katie happy.
Emma told her parents all about it and they booked for us all to go out that evening to a dinner and Christmas pantomime. I would be going out en femme, but I couldn't really say anything since so would one of her mum's. To be fair, when I met them, I couldn't tell which one was originally male and didn't want to make a guess. Not only that, but looking in the mirror, all made up, I don't think I would have guessed that I had been previously male. It probably helped that I had copied Emma's shape which was distinctly feminine. Everyone was very complimentary, but I didn't know how to take that. Was it a good thing that I made a very passable woman? Certainly for the purposes of making Katie's day it was.
The weirdest thing was these areas of my body that I just couldn't feel any more. The other areas of my body felt more sensitive after the waxing. So quite a contrast. My penis was fitted into this silicone tube as part of the artificial vagina. I was still able to go to the toilet, sitting down of course. It did constrict me, not too unpleasantly. It didn't help that Emma became more and more amorous with the transformation. I thought we would have to put that on hold once the vagina was glued on, but Emma had other ideas. She showed me that my penis was not the only way to bring me to orgasm and she was so loving and gentle that I may have even preferred it. It was less a physical act and more an emotional one.
I should have been very anxious going out dressed as I was. I had spent the period up to my appointments, practising my voice, my walk, in heels I might add, and my movements. Emma and youtube were very helpful. Still the first time going in public can be a very trying one. Emma and her parents kept distracting me until I could see that no one was paying me any attention and that I could relax. I was still me, just in different clothes. We had a wonderful time.
I had talked to mum and told her what I had planned. She was a bit unsure about the whole thing, but was willing to help with Charles. She told me she would speak to him, prepare the ground and ask him not to make a scene in front of Katie. She and Charles were going to pick Katie up, so I needed to be there for 11am to look after John.
That morning Emma helped me, choosing some thick tights, slacks, blouse and pink jumper. She spent some time on my hair and make up. She herself wore jeans, T-shirt and jumper. The only item from her wardrobe that didn't fit was the shoes. I didn't have big feet, but they were bigger than hers. We had worked that out earlier, so I had bought a couple of pairs of flats and one pair of black heels. She had had me practising walking in the heels as she said it would help with a feminine gait. I had quite a weight on my chest. 36DD according to the bra.
At the start of our train journey, I was a bit anxious again, worried about anyone looking at us, but Emma kept up our conversation and managed to distract me. Soon I found myself relaxing. We arrived early and we debated going for a walk before heading to my home. I realised that was just delaying the inevitable, so I presented myself to our front door at a little after 10am with Emma on my arm.
Charles opened the door. He looked me over from top to bottom with an expressionless face. Then called out. “The fruitcake's arrived. You deal with him, he turns my stomach.” Then he walked away, not even opening the door to let us in. Mum arrived shortly in her dressing gown. She was obviously in the process of getting herself ready, which was probably the only reason Charles had opened the door.
She fully opened the door. “Come in come in.” I could see her looking me over with a frown on her face. She then disappeared upstairs to finish getting ready. I did think it a bit rude. She had never seen Emma before.
“I'm sorry. You should get a better reception than this.”
“That's alright. I think everyone has bigger things to think about than me.”
I settled her on the sofa and got us both a cup of tea and then went in search of John. He was in his room playing on a small tablet. “Hi John.”
He barely looked up. “Hi.”
I left him to it. We cuddled together on the sofa, chatting idly. I think Charles was avoiding us as he would normally be sitting in his chair controlling the TV.
Mum came down shortly. “I'm not sure this is going to work. Charles is practically frothing at the mouth. He is holding himself back for my sake.” She said this like he was being heroic to do such a thing.
“I'm not doing this for him or you. Katie wanted this and I've given it my best shot.”
“Is it just for today?”
“That depends of Katie and how she reacts. If it brings her joy, I will do it everyday until it stops bringing her joy.”
“What about my parents and Peter and Joan? Do you want them to see you this way?”
Peter and Joan were my fathers parents and had been involved in my life since the beginning, despite their errant son. I hadn't been sure that I wanted them to see me like this, but under pressure from my mum, I felt myself feeling rebellious. “I won't be doing it for them either. This is for Katie. She is my priority and she should be yours too.”
“Don't take that tone of voice with your mother.” Charles shouted from the doorway.
I stood up to face him, but my mother moved between us. “No Charles. He is right. It doesn't matter what we think. We may only have Katie for a few more days, she is our priority.” Then she rushed off crying. Charles glared at me a bit longer and then followed her upstairs.
Emma pulled me back onto the sofa and we hugged. “I'm sorry Emma. You don't need this family drama, especially at Christmas. You should be enjoying your beautiful family atmosphere.”
“Hush. Katie is OUR priority. We will get our chance to have fun later. I think you should seriously think about moving out though. I know you are only here during the holidays but it doesn't feel safe for you to be here. You are welcome to stay at my house. I have already spoken to both mums.”
“That is very kind of you all. Let's see how it goes with me staying over this holiday.”
Mum came down after awhile. “I'm sorry I've not been very hospitable. Please introduce me to your friend.”
“It's alright mum, we know you have a lot going on. This is Emma, my future wife.” At that Emma laughed and my mum got bug eyed.
“You're engaged? And you don't mind him dressing like this?”
“No. We're not engaged yet.”
I loved the 'yet', so I cuddled her tight and whispered in her ear. “Yet.”
“He has asked, I just haven't answered him...yet.” She said quite deliberately. “As for his dress. Well they are my clothes, if I didn't think they looked good, I wouldn't have bought them. Do you think he would look better in a dress. I have a few in mind, but thought I would wait for Christmas.”
Mum spluttered and then laughed. “Nice one, you had me there. Nice to meet you, Emma.”
Mum got up and disappeared from view. Emma turned to me. “She thinks I'm joking? How can you be so accepting when you grew up with such …. intolerant parents.” I know there were other words she wanted to use.
“I've had 10 years being called, fruitcake, pansy, sissy, even girl, like that was an insult. I came to the conclusion that people put labels on others to make them feel better about themselves. To some extent even I do it.” I leaned in so I was close to her ear and whispered. “In my mind I call him a Neanderthal, misogynist, egotistical thug. And that was when I was being kind.”
She laughed. “While we are waiting, why don't we go to your room. You can gather any bits you don't want to leave here. I was serious about you not being safe here. I may even coerce your compliance.”
“How would you do that?”
“Easy, deny you access.”
“What about you?”
“I have a friendly vibrator. I reckon I can outlast you.”
“Even when I am dressed like this?”
“You do have a point.” We hadn't quite reached my bedroom. She pushed me against the corridor wall and kissed me passionately.
When I could breathe again. “OK, OK. I give in. Whatever you want if you will keep doing that.”
She kissed me again.
We were in my room going through everything to see if there was anything that I wanted to keep, that wasn't already in my house share room near uni. I heard the front door shut, and looking at the time, knew that mum and Charles had just left for the hospital.
“How are you going to spend time with Katie when Charles is so antagonistic with you?”
“Katie was hoping that if I was her sister, he would behave differently. I can't grant that wish, still, if we play in her room, we can still have some sisterly fun. You will probably need to help me, I don't really know what girl play looks like.”
“Of course I'll help. We will just do whatever Katie wants. Is there anything we can't do because of her illness?”
“It is mainly about her immune system. We won't be able to go out and if any of us gets a sniffle we will have to stay away. At this stage, we judge how good a day it is by how much she eats and use her smiles to judge her pain levels.”
“What about John?”
“A lot of attention has been directed towards Katie, but John has always been the apple of Charles' eye. Even under these circumstances, I don't expect that Charles will spend a lot of time with Katie, he will probably take John to the park and do other things with him. I used to be quite close to him but he has been infected by Charles and has even started calling me some of the names Charles uses. Especially in his presence, which usually gets some kind of praise.”
“He is training him to be another arsehole.”
“Pretty much what I was thinking, but I can't do anything about it. He is his father.”
Half an hour later, I had finished in my room and just had a duffel bag worth of stuff to take back with us. Mainly memorabilia. We returned to the lounge to wait for the special girl. Every time I heard a car I couldn't help checking the window. Eventually, after what felt like an age, Charles' car pulled up and a tired looking girl got out. I opened the door and held my arms wide. Her face lit up and she ran to me. I gathered her up and held her close. I loved her so much. I was tearing up just holding her.
I carried her inside and sat on the sofa with her still in my arms. “Hello gorgeous.”
“Hello, er.. sister?”
“That's right. Didn't Santa tell you when he granted your wish?”
“But it is not Christmas yet.”
“Some wishes get granted early. He turned me into a girl.”
“Did it hurt?”
My mind flashed back to my waxing experience. This was not the time for honesty. “No, of course not.” I gestured to Emma. “And this is my girlfriend Emma.”
“Hi Emma.” She was a bit shy so she buried her face in my ample chest. Then her face popped out and looked at me. “What do I call you? I can't call you James.”
“Well you can call me sister or Jamie, whatever you prefer.” I heard Charles and mum come through and ignored it. “What girly fun did you want to have today?”
The three of us pretty much spent our entire day camped in Katie's room. Mum popped her head in occasionally. We stopped for lunch and Katie ate pretty well. She was the best I had seen her for months. We played with her doll house. We pretended that two of her dolls were getting married and had a dance afterwards. We sat on her bed and had pretend tea with her and her teddy. She started to get tired around the 4.30 pm time, so we got some snacks and watched a movie with her. She fell asleep in the middle of a Barbie movie in my arms. We settled her in her bed and crept out.
We sat at the dining room table to have some tea and biscuits with mum. Charles had taken John out to the park. It was dark outside but there was a park with ramps for skateboarders that was well lit and I suspected they had gone there.
“I'm sorry James, I've discussed this with Charles and he doesn't want you to come back tomorrow.”
I was devastated. I didn't know what to say. Katie had had a great day, surely that was what was most important. “Can I at least come round to tell Katie?”
“No. Charles doesn't think you are a good influence and he doesn't want to be blamed for you not seeing her.”
“What if I dressed as a man again? I only did this to make her happy.” And it worked, I wanted to say, but I wasn't going to beg. The person in front of me was not the one calling the shots.
“No. Charles wants your things out of the house. He says you are old enough to make your way in the world.”
“And what do you say?”
She wouldn't look me in the eyes. “He is the man of the house and what he says goes.”
I went to my room and took my bag that I had already prepared. I wasn't expecting this, but I didn't want to ever live here again. I stopped outside Katie's room and went in and kissed her on her forehead. Then I walked to the front door with Emma. I turned round to look at my mother sitting at the kitchen table still. “Mary.” I never normally called her anything but mum. “I am really disappointed in you. This is not about you or me or even him. This should only be about Katie and what makes her happy. He has always disgusted me with his attitude, but I thought better of you. Now I don't.” She didn't look up, but I could see her crying. For once, I didn't feel the urge to comfort her. I was glad she was crying. I felt a little bit bad about feeling that way, but, I guess, you feel what you feel.
We walked to the train station. Emma was trying to hug me as we walked. The journey back was mostly quiet. When we got most of the way back and I had had time to digest it, Emma started trying to get me to talk.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I sighed. “We probably should, but I am feeling....depressed.” I had to think to work out which emotion was predominant.
“Do you associate it with dressing en femme?”
“No. That went well. What I really wanted was Katie to see me as her sister and play with me that way. She did and we had a wonderful time. When I went out with your parents I had a great time and your attentions have made me enjoy it even more. No. It is the thought of not seeing Katie again. Maybe ever.” And then I started to cry. Emma caught me in a hug and held me close. My crying turned to sobs.
She guided me back to her house. Her parents were at the door when she opened it. I couldn't look at them, I was a mess. I think she used sign language gestures for them to not say anything and sorted me out first. She wiped off the rest of my make up. A lot of it was left on her jumper after my crying. She helped me out of my clothes and wig and got me into bed. She left briefly to talk to her parents and then she was back and curled up behind me spooning me, stroking my hair. I fell asleep to her ministrations.
The next morning I woke up feeling sort of dead inside. It was Christmas eve and I couldn't be a downer for everyone else, so I decided that I would have to fake it. Emma was already up. I slipped into the shower for a wash. I still had everything glued on. I contemplated removing it all, but it wasn't the cause of my issue and Emma really liked it on.
The other question was, did I like it. I didn't have the wig on or any make up. With the large breasts now free from the bra and feeling like quite a weight on my chest, I had automatically altered my posture, arching my back slightly, giving me a proud stance. That in combination with the hip padding and the vagina gave me the very pleasing hourglass female look. I wasn't expecting it to be me, but I liked the look. There was no hurry to remove it.
When I came out of the bathroom I found clothes laid out on the bed. The underwear was a bit racey. White lace with a see through crotch. The bra seemed to make my assets appear even bigger or maybe just more obvious. Thick tights again and a full dress. Considering I was used to seeing Emma in jeans and T-shirts more than anything else, I think she was teasing me with her choice of clothes for me. I came down to the kitchen. Emma was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea steaming in front of her. As soon as she saw me she jumped up and led me back to the bathroom to sort out my make up and get the wig situated properly.
“My mums are out for a walk at the moment. How are you feeling, honey?”
“I am going to be honest with you for a few moments and then I want you to help me pretend. Emotionally, I feel terrible. I don't want to dwell on it and I don't want to be a Debbie Downer all day. So, in answer to your question, I feel great. What do you want to do today?” I then tried to smile. I don't know how convincing it was.
“Cathy and Drew have a lunch planned at a nice restaurant. I hope it is OK with you, but I asked them to increase the reservation to 4 people, so we can join them. Christmas tends to be quite a quiet affair at our house. When Drew transitioned, her family pretty much disowned her and Cathy's family became very distant. They have made a lot of friends since and have a busy social calendar. We have tended to treat Christmas as a family time, which for the longest time has been just the 3 of us. We are happy to include you.”
Emma kept me busy. We both cooked breakfast for all 4 of us and when her mums returned we served it up with a flourish. We cleaned up, put everything away and then went for a walk and fed the ducks. There were a few times when we seemed to dip towards the unpleasant subjects, but one of us realised it and we moved onto other things. The policy was distract, distract, distract. Ignore the elephant in the room and Cathy and Drew played the same game.
They were great company and kept the conversation flowing nicely. Lunch was delightful. They had chosen it for having great food, but also a strange flowing design to the floor layout that meant everyone sitting felt they had their own private space. We even talked about my dressing up. They knew the basic story from Emma, but were impressed with the ease with which I seemed to take on the role. The questions they asked sounded like psychology questions, trying to get to the heart of my gender identity.
“I feel like you are asking me something without asking me something. Can I be blunt here? You have welcomed me in your home and I feel very comfortable in your presence. Your daughter is my version of a Goddess. The only way I am leaving Emma is if I am forcibly ejected. I think it is highly unlikely that anything you ask is going to damage our relationship.”
They looked at each other, doing a silent communication thing then Drew said. “We were wondering if you were more female than male on an emotional level. You've said that you have not looked into this and I believe you. Physically, you are maybe a bit short and underdeveloped for a man, but almost average for a woman, so it is unsurprising that, with a few enhancements, you can be made to look like a woman. The way you walk and move, gesture or move your hands while talking, the musicality of your voice, all these things that you do naturally in a feminine way, could just show your talents as a mimic or actor. Maybe Actress. None of that indicates whether your brain is male or female.”
“Huh?”
“As you can imagine, I am very interested in any research that involves gender identity. From a young age, maybe 4 or 5, I have felt that I should have been a girl. It affected me severely until I did something about it. My anxiety was lessened by dressing up in girl clothes, so that was almost like an addiction for me. But not everyone is like me. Transgender essentially means girl brain in boy body or boy brain in girl body. Research has shown that there is a difference between the brains of the 2 sexes. We don't just behave differently because of how we are brought up, but at a fundamental level, girls are different to boys. They think differently. Some things are obvious. We can say your caring nature is more in line with female thinking than male. That is not to say men can't be caring, but it comes more naturally to women.”
“So you are saying that I may have a female brain, even though I had no desire to dress in women's clothing?”
“Yes. These things are not black and white. There are girly men and tomboyish girls. They are still men and they are still girls. There are questions devised by psychologists that give you a clue as to whether you are more male or female. I was asking you a few of those, because you have fitted the female role so well, I was curious if part of the reason was because your brain was already there. Would it bother you if you found out you have a female brain?”
“A lot of men, boys really, that I grew up with, tended to think of women as lesser. A strong insult would be to suggest you were a girl in some way. Like, you throw like a girl or you catch like a girl. I have never really understood that. Yes, men tend to be physically stronger, but I always thought it would be more important to be mentally stronger. Maybe that was because I was never that big and strong. If I found out that I have a female brain, it would clash with my self image a bit. I don't think it would upset me too much. I am who I am.”
“We don't mind where you are on the spectrum or whether you dress one way or another. All we can see is a kind caring respectful person. We will not judge you in any way. If you did want to, I could direct you to an online questionnaire, but there is no pressure from us. From my personal point of view, I found it helpful to know and yes, it did help guide my decisions.”
We moved onto lighter subjects but it did make me think. I started to wonder about a lot of my past and my reactions to different things. I'll admit, I knew I was not like everybody else. I just thought I was a bit odd. When we got back that afternoon, when I needed to be distracted again, I spoke to Drew and spent an hour doing an online questionnaire. The result was immediately emailed to me and showed that I was pretty much sitting on the fence. Slightly more female than male, but not by much. Wearing the female clothing and going out in it, no longer stressed me and maybe, if I didn't have to have these forms fitted to maintain the right shape, I could consider it on a more permanent basis. As it was, I was unable to feel a good portion of my body due to the silicone covering it, so, an occasional showing would be fine, a permanent shift was not on the cards. I was going to need to discuss with Emma how often she wanted me like this. What did she want for Christmas? I figured we would have a private talk when we went to bed.
That was not to be. At about 7pm I received a call from Mary. I could see immediately who was calling and debated whether to answer, knowing there was a good chance that a conversation with her would spoil my good mood and make us all see the elephant. I couldn't not answer though, so I picked up the phone. “Hi Mary.”
There was a pause. I almost thought she had put the phone down. “I don't like it when you call me that.”
“I don't like it that your husband has called me much worse than my given name for 10 years, sometimes in your presence. I believe calling you Mary is respectful.”
She sighed. “We have a situation here and I was hoping you and Emma's family could help.”
“I can't speak for Emma's family, but I can certainly ask them. How may we help?”
“Charles told Katie this morning that you weren't coming. He might have even said that you didn't want to come.”
“There is no might have is there Mary? That is just cruel. How did she react?”
“She has spent the whole day moping in bed. She has hardly eaten a thing. Before you get too angry, it might have been the best thing to happen.”
“Err...what?”
“We have all come down with something. Sore throat, bit of a ticklish cough. Fortunately, she has not been around us, so she seems fine, but she can't stay here. I don't want to send her back to hospital for Christmas. We have all these presents for her as well. This was going to be her best Christmas ever. Either you pick her up or she will have to go back to the hospital.”
“Give me 5 minutes to clear it with Emma and her family and I will call you back.” I didn't even wait for her to put the phone down. “Emma did you hear that?” I had moved out of the lounge and into the kitchen to get a little privacy on the phone, but I had held onto Emma so she had come with me.
“I only heard your side of the conversation, so, not really. What is going on?”
“We need to speak to your parents.” I dragged her back into the lounge. “I have a huge favour to ask you.”
They looked at each other completely puzzled. “What?” Drew asked.
“Could we pick up Katie and bring her here for Christmas?”
“We are not kidnapping her or anything, are we?” Cathy asked.
“No. They have all come down sick. She is alright, but she can't stay there. All the grandparents are either in retirement homes or villages. Her only option is us or the hospital.”
“Of course she can come here. We would love to have her.”
“Oh, thank you, thank you.” My emotions had gone from a background depression that I was trying to ignore to supreme elation. I phoned Mary again. I was too jazzed up to say much, so I passed the phone to Cathy who assured mum that Katie would be welcomed. They talked practicalities like when we would pick her up, which was straight away, what food she liked to eat and how we were going to do it without anyone risking getting sick, which was going to be face masks and instant hand sanitiser. The other question was, how long was she going to stay, which was really difficult to answer. She couldn't go back until no one was sick at the house and the house had been sanitized. She would only go to hospital if she seemed to stop eating and showed that she was in pain. There were these dis-solvable wafers that were a type of morphine that she could be given, but, if it got that bad, she was probably better off in hospital.
Cathy drove. No one had mentioned that Emma had 2 mum's as parents and we thought it prudent to not say anything. Drew would try and stay out of the picture when Charles or Mary was about. I apologised and they didn't have to do it. We weren't going to lie to anybody, but knowing Charles as I did, I worried about his reaction if he found out and I really didn't want Katie's last Christmas to be in hospital.
We found a Chemist still open and bought the paper face masks, some instant hand sanitiser and some disinfectant wipes. Since it was past Katie's bed time, we were able to load the boot up with her Christmas presents with her none the wiser. Charles, Mary and John stayed out of our way so as not to infect us and every time we touched something that could contain germs, we used the sanitiser.
I carried a sleeping Katie to the car and strapped her in to the car seat we had moved from Charles' car. I sat on one side of her and Emma on the other.
“You realise this means you are going to have to stay en femme for a while now.” Emma whispered to me with a big grin on her face.
“I would have done it anyway if it was going to make you happy. Now it can make you and Katie happy.”
The journey back to Emma's parents house was uneventful, but I enjoyed just looking at Katie sleeping with the innocence of an angel. Thinking about it, I definitely had a maternal side. I had enjoyed my time with Katie as a baby and would love to have my own someday. I carried her inside and Drew indicated which room to put her in. Once we put her to bed we brought the presents in and placed them under the tree in the lounge.
Cathy and Drew disappeared to their bedroom and Emma and I had some fun in hers. When we were both ready to sleep, I borrowed a nightie and slipped into bed with Katie. I didn't want her to wake up in an unfamiliar bed with no one there to reassure her. I was woken up at some early time by a very excited girl, practically jumping on me.
“You're here, you're here. Daddy said you didn't want to see me, but I didn't believe him. Even when Santa turned you into a girl, daddy didn't like you. What happened to your hair?”
I reached up sleepily to touch my hair and realised that I had taken my wig off last night. Thinking fast. “When Santa turned me into a girl he didn't change my hair, so I have to borrow some. I'll show you later. Merry Christmas, Angel.”
“Why doesn't daddy like you? He says he loves me and I am a girl.”
“All daddy's love their little girls, but Charles is not my daddy. And of course I wanted to see you. I'm afraid mummy and daddy and John aren't very well today, so it is going to be me and Emma and her mummies.”
“Emma has more than one mummy?” I could see her squirming, so I got up and led her to the bathroom. My nightie had ridden up while I was sleeping so I was glad that we had gone all out and I had kept the vagina glued on. I'm sure she got a flash before I managed to bring it down.
“Yes, Emma is really lucky and has 2 mummies. So in this house there are no boys at all. Has Santa been? Shall I show you where the Christmas tree is so we can look.”
“Yes. Yes. Yes.”
I led her down to the lounge and we could see the Christmas tree with all the presents underneath. As soon as she saw them she was rushing down to see them. “He's been, he's been. Can I open them?”
“Not yet sweetie. Let's wait until everyone is up. Then you can open some and show us what you have got. Alright?”
“Just one. Please. Pretty please?”
She was really hard to resist. She had these amazing puppy eyes when she wanted. “I tell you what. You stay here and don't touch any presents and I will go and get you my Christmas present. Can you do that? Can you promise to stay here and be good?”
“Yes Jamie, I will be good.”
I crept to Emma's room and tried to sneak in and find Katie's present. It was pretty dark in the room and I bumped into something making a bit of noise and woke Emma. “Is that you Jamie?”
“Yes, Katie is up and desperate to open presents, so I thought I would give her mine. I'm struggling to find it in the dark.”
“How is Katie?”
“She is so excited. It really brings the energy back into Christmas. She doesn't seem to mind the change in venue.”
“Give me a sec. I want to see too. Don't let her open it until I am downstairs.” She put her side light on and I was able to find my wrapped prezzie. I took it to Katie but told her we had to wait just a little longer so Emma was here as well. The house had central heating and they kept it pretty high. I was certainly comfortable just in my nightie and Katie was only in her PJ's. Emma came down in her satin PJ's and a dressing gown.
Once Emma joined me on the couch I told Katie. “OK Katie, just this one. The rest will have to wait until Drew and Cathy are up.”
Katie hardly acknowledged me and just started tearing into the wrapping paper to reveal a new Barbie movie that I knew she didn't have.
“Can we watch it?”
I turned to Emma, she smiled and took the DVD from Katie and set it up. When Cathy and Drew came downstairs we were all snuggled up on the sofa under a fluffy pink blanket watching a Barbie movie. Katie can be a bit shy, so when she saw them, she popped her head under the blanket to hide. I uncovered her but held her in a cuddle to reassure her and introduced her.
“Hello Katie. Merry Christmas. What would you like for breakfast? We have toast and jam, your mum said you liked that.”
“Yes please.” She mumbled to me. So I nodded to Cathy.
“Can I open my presents now?” Katie asked.
“What is your family tradition, Emma? When do you normally open your presents?”
“It has been awhile since we had lots of presents under the tree. The last few years we have done our presents at lunch time. When do you normally do yours?”
“Usually as soon as everyone is awake. I think if we tried to make her wait until lunchtime she might explode.”
“I'll go and talk to mum, we can do it after breakfast.”
We had a light breakfast and then we all gathered in the lounge to watch the mad delight of an almost 5 year old at Christmas devouring her presents. She had a wonderful haul this year. There were Barbies, mermaids, horses. Lego friends. Other DVD's. A few clothes, but she wasn't really bothered by them, some hats, sparkly pens with colouring books based around the Disney Princesses.
I gave Emma a necklace and earring set that I had found in an antique shop. They had these turquoise stones that really matched her eyes. She gave me a cheque book with naughty delights written in and said I could cash them whenever I wanted. And she gave me an earring set. Considering I didn't have my ears pierced, I thought that was a pretty unsubtle hint. Emma and I had shopped together to get clothes for Drew and Cathy. Under Emma's suggestion we got them some sexy underwear. They gave Emma a card with £1000 for a proper shopping trip and they gave me a gold card that entitled me to use the spa free of charge for a year.
We spent the day pretty much doing whatever Katie wanted. She seemed so full of energy. This was supposed to be a sick kid, not expecting to live out the month. She ate well, didn't give any signs that she was struggling and even got us involved in some of her games. We all played hide and seek, although we had to pretend a bit. Let's face it, an almost 5 year old is surprised that you can see her behind a curtain. We all found our inner child and had fun. Katie was going full speed and the next thing you know, she was fast asleep. I carried her to bed. Mum phoned at lunch time and I got Katie to thank her for her presents. She, of course, told me that most of her presents came from Santa, but did what I asked and politely thanked mum. Charles and John didn't bother to talk on the phone.
I helped as much as I could with the cooking and the cleaning. Katie wanted to help too. Sometimes she was more of a hindrance, but Drew and Cathy were thoroughly charmed and had the patience of saints. It was an amazing day. Once she was asleep and in bed, we gathered downstairs.
“You have a delightful sister. I can understand why you would do anything for her.” Drew remarked. “Are you sure she is so poorly? That did not look like someone on death's door.”
“The 2 days I have spent with her as her sister have been magical and you are right, I have not seen her this well, almost since this began.” I said.
“The mind is an amazing thing. Do you think becoming her sister could help heal her? I have heard of someone curing himself by watching funny videos. Stranger things have happened.” Cathy commented. “But what are you going to do if she keeps getting better?”
I looked up towards the ceiling. “God, if my being a girl will cure my sister. I promise I will stay a girl permanently. If it just means she lives what life she has left happier, I will stay this way until she is no longer with us. That is my promise.”
There was a pause while they digested my words. I meant them too. If someone had offered me a choice, lose your maleness and I will cure your sister, I would have taken it. Hell, if they would have let me swap, I would have done it. Becoming or looking like a girl was a very small price to pay in my book.
Drew cleared her throat. “If it ever comes to it. We will help you. There are a lot of hoops to jump through, trials and tribulations if you like. We would be there for you, regardless of your relationship with Emma. I see the way you and Emma look at each other. If it wasn't so sweet, it would be sickening.”
“She is my everything.” That was how I felt.
“Aww, I love you too.” She said and kissed me on the cheek. We were in front of her parents after all.
We had a couple more weeks before we had to go back to Uni and we didn't know how long we would have Katie for. We also couldn't take her outside as that was deemed too risky. Drew and Cathy managed the salon between them and pretty much set their own hours. They did have quite a few social evenings planned with friends. Any that were scheduled for their house inside that 2 week timeframe, they rescheduled.
What this meant was that we lavished attention on Katie. We played with her, watched movies with her. If we could think of something to enhance her experience we did it. We even did some brain storming after she went to bed to come up with plans. Like camping in the lounge. We got all these chairs together with sheets and blankets and cushions and tried to make a play house with her. Or laying mattresses down the stairs and at the bottom and trying to toboggan down them. That one was not that successful. Still it was hilarious. We got books out of the library and read to her. And Katie went from strength to strength.
I had to take off my silicone body suit to let my skin breathe, but I did that after Katie had gone to sleep and set an early alarm so that by the time she saw me, I was looking as girly as ever. Emma would only dress me in her most girly gear. Dresses and skirts, no trousers allowed. I got quite used to it.
Pretty much every day mum would phone and talk to Katie and also give us an update as to how they were doing. After a week they were all better. Mum gave it an extra day to be sure and try and sanitize everything. We had told her how well she was doing so before mum took her home, we went to the hospital with her. They did various tests with her, but the results would take a few days to come back. We managed to get mum to agree that she would bring Katie back for a few hours of play every weekend. It was the best she could do. Charles was still dead against it, but he played golf on a Sunday from quite early to late so it was doable.
The first few days without Katie with us, felt so empty. I took the forms off to give my skin a proper chance to recover, but carried on dressing en femme. Partly that was because I was so used to it, partly it was because I was holding out hope that her results from her test would be good. I knew what I promised, truthfully, I did not know what that entailed but I would keep my promise to God.
The tests were done on the Monday and we were hoping for results on Thursday. I phoned frequently but the results weren't in. Friday lunchtime we finally heard. Complete remission. I cried, Emma cried, Drew and Cathy cried. It was a Christmas miracle. Did my efforts in any way or shape make a difference? We will never know. But I had a promise to keep and a slightly different life ahead of me to work out. I had support though. Strong support and I knew I would be OK. Better than OK, I would be loved.
Living a life less ordinary
By Savannah Maun
Photo by Sarah-Ann Hamlin on Unsplash
Living a life less ordinary ©2019 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited. This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental.
Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the font of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone. This is only a story, and it contains a few swear words and mentions genitalia. If this is likely to offend, then please don’t read it.
Prologue
I watched a film the other day and it really resonated with me and my life. The film was 'A life less ordinary' and the main character (MC) began with an ordinary life that was dull and uninteresting. An event happened that in the big scheme of things was nothing serious, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back and resulted in the MC taking unexpected action. Fate then intervened and led the MC on a crazy journey.
During that journey, I think the MC would have done anything to have his old life back. It had a happy ending so it was all worth it in the end, but I wondered if, while he was going through hell, he looked back on his previous existence and forgot all the bad, remembering only the good. It was like getting on a roller-coaster. There was no getting off and no way to go back to a time when you hadn't experienced that fear. You just had to grin and bear it. When you got off, you weren't the same person that you were before. Your universe had shifted and nothing would ever be the same.
My old life had a lot of bad in it and yet I look upon it with a wistful smile and nostalgia. What bothered me at the time I now consider to be small and unimportant. Not that there was any way to go back, nor would I want to. I miss my sisters, but when you know your father doesn't love you and your mother, whether she loves you or not, is unwilling to go against his wishes, there is no returning. I think my mother does love me, but I could never forgive her for not loving me enough to even try and protect me.
Chapter 1
I used to get teased a lot. My mother was a devout catholic and didn't believe in contraception so I had a large family and we all lived in a four-bedroom council house in South London. My eldest sister had her own room which was just as well since she had reached her teen years and had become like Jekyll and Hyde. You were never quite sure if she was going to be sweet and caring or bite your head off.
In theory, the other two available bedrooms were divided into a boy and a girl's bedroom. However, I was the runt of the family. My two older brothers and Joseph, who was one year younger than me, were all much bigger and stronger than me and tended to give me hell. Mum got fed up of the arguments and finding me constantly covered in bruises so I was moved into my sisters' room. My two younger sisters were both caring and loved having me there. They did want to involve me with young girl pastimes, like playing with dolls and dancing. I figured if my brothers were going to tease me regardless of what I was doing I could please myself, so I played happily with them.
I wasn't just teased because of my size. I had a very unfortunate birthmark on my right cheek so I had two nicknames in our house. Runt and Ugly Princess. My father was a truck driver so we either saw a lot of him or nothing at all. Even when he was back he spent most of his time at the pub. He very much favoured my brothers and would also call me Runt, but I never felt any malice in it. My relationship with him could probably best be described as indifferent, although, at the time, I still thought he loved me.
It was a comment from him that started me on my crazy journey. Well, that and watching a TV show. He came home from the pub quite early. Most of the time he returned I was in bed, but that day there was a soccer match on. I never was a fan of sport, but I was probably put off because with my small size I was always picked last and struggled to keep up with everyone else. Not a lack of coordination, just running speed and strength.
He came back clearly worse for wear.
“Dad, you're drunk!” I said in surprise. My father did like the occasional beer, but I had never seen him drunk before.
“Yes, and you are ugly, but in the morning I will be sober. Now piss off,” he said irritably.
At the time I didn't know he was misquoting a famous Winston Churchill put down. I just felt upset because my own father was calling me ugly. I asked Mum and she told me that true beauty came from within and that boys didn't need to be pretty. My interpretation of that was that she thought I looked ugly as well. I was feeling upset and down. I couldn't help how I was born and it didn't seem fair.
Dad fell asleep watching the TV, but no one dared to switch the channel. He always controlled the remote when he was home and he had dropped off with the remote clutched in his hands. I ended up watching this talk show that had a guy who could bend spoons with the power of his mind. He believed that you could do anything, all you had to do was believe and focus. He even quoted the bible.
I became very determined that I would solve my ugliness and after watching that programme, I now knew how I was going to do it. Every day I would go to the mirror in the bathroom and imagine that my birthmark was a little bit smaller. I would spend at least five minutes focussing on making myself believe that it had worked and that it was minutely smaller. As soon as I had convinced myself that I had succeeded, I would leave it to the next day.
I was almost nine years old when I started and I didn't find it easy. Initially, it was hard to keep my mind from wandering or to swallow the doubts that would arise, but I was persistent. After two months of this and two weeks after my ninth birthday, Mum stared at me in a weird way and gestured for me to approach. She looked at my face carefully and commented that she thought my birthmark looked smaller and less red.
She shook it off as an oddity, but I was elated and now had external confirmation, my focus work was working. After that, I found it a lot easier to convince myself that it was getting smaller. If one of my doubtful thoughts turned up, I could quash it easily with that memory and knowledge that Mum had noticed it.
A mere two weeks after that my birthmark was completely gone. It was like I had a whole new level of belief and that made it work much faster. Everyone noticed now and I explained how I had done it. My brothers said that I still looked ugly, but my sisters had a completely different reaction. Cathy was six and she had a mole on her cheek that she wanted me to fix. I didn't think it looked bad, but she wasn't happy with it. Mum got involved and took pictures so that we could have a before and after. The boys tried to make me doubt myself but I had evidence every time I looked in the mirror. I knew I could do it and I knew it would work.
Every day, without fail, I made sure to take time to focus on Cathy's face and imagine the mole getting smaller. Within a week, Mum thought she could see a difference and before three weeks were up, the mole was gone. Mum took the after photos and we were all amazed at the difference.
That was when we all started to get a bit excited. Well, except my brothers who had poopooed it. I was thinking that I could help the numerous other people who were either born with disfiguring marks or because of some accident or other ended up with facial damage. My mother suggested a possible occupation of plastic surgeon without the surgery. My older sister Rebecca wanted me to work my mojo to give her bigger boobs. She decided against the idea when I explained that I would have to stare at them for five minutes every day until we had achieved what she wanted. She also called me a pervert.
We weren't sure how big of a deal this really was, so Mum booked me an appointment with our GP to discuss it with him. Father's reaction was not derisive and more thoughtful. He suggested we do another harder test and take lots of photos.
When I think back to those days I remember the heady feeling of success and the bright future that we all could imagine. We were all so naïve. We visited the GP as a giggling gang which was brought down to earth by the negative dismissiveness of the old-timer. He told us that both conditions that we claimed to have cured sometimes clear up on their own anyway. He talked about spontaneous remission which meant the body could randomly resolve any problem and any suggestion that I was responsible for these events was laughable.
Rebecca wanted us to speak to the media, but Mum said that we needed to gather more evidence. We spent a week going through everyone we knew to find suitable candidates.
Rebecca's best friend had an older sister with a hooked nose who swore that she was going to it fixed as soon as she had enough money. Her name was Chloe and she was eager to participate. She came over every day for me to work on her and we took lots of photos. It took a month to remove the hook from her nose, but she still wasn't satisfied.
I needed something to visualise and she needed to work out exactly what she wanted. We ended up scanning a celebrity nose that she liked and digitally pasting it onto her picture and then changing the colour to match her skin tone. It was well beyond my computer skills but Chloe managed it with the help of some of her friends. It took another month for that to work, but work it did. There was some additional difficulty with this method for me. Before I just had to play with the mental picture of what I saw, now I had to remember the picture that we had created and use that instead. Imagining a hooked nose becoming less hooked was a lot easier than imagining something completely different.
I'm not sure she was 100% happy with her new nose, but I also got the impression that she probably never would be happy. She had very low self-esteem with regards to that area in a similar way to my own worries about marks on my face. The pictures came out great. Father did point out that there was no way to prove that Chloe hadn't had plastic surgery. I guess if someone was determined to not believe, nothing you can do or say will sway them. Father did tell us that he would provide the next candidate.
Chapter 2
While I waited for my father to work out who else he wanted me to work on, I tried to work out how to make myself taller. I had been born in the 3rd percentile for length and I never really caught up. My younger brother was both taller and more heavily set compared to me. I had been a sickly child and Mum was always telling me that she didn't think I would survive to reach 5. At one point, I was examined by a paediatric doctor who did some measurements and told me that my eventual height would probably be just under five feet.
I was a bit conflicted about trying to speed up my growth. I liked sleeping with my sisters and didn't want to end up back with my brothers and I was worried about messing with my growth. I thought the most sensible thing to do was wait until I had my full growth and then try and increase it. It would mean that I would have to suffer the taunts from my brothers for some time to come. Then again, my brothers had been teasing me and putting me down my whole life and I suspected they would never change. I decided not to try to change myself unless I felt it was really necessary.
Father returned from work and then left to talk to someone about me and what I could do. He sat me down and told me that the person I was going to be working on was an employee of a very important man. I needed to be respectful and do what I was told. If I succeeded we would be paid and I would get a reward. When my father was talking to me there was such a serious expression on his face that he made me afraid. He had never spoken to me like this or looked at me that way before.
When he came back, he brought this man for me to treat. The guy was dressed in a suit and yet had all sorts of tattoos. He was a man in his thirties without an ounce of fat on him. He was taller than my father, so probably a couple of inches above six foot. His face was expressionless which I think was scarier than a negative look.
My job was to remove a tattoo from his right hand. Mum was going to take pictures so that we had more evidence, but the man just looked at my father who stopped Mum and told her, no photos.
Although my father was away most days this man, who never identified himself, returned every day for me to work on him. The only thing I ever heard him say was 'finished?' when he could see me relax from focussing on his hand. Then he would nod his head and leave. Within two weeks you could see the tattoo fading and it was completely gone after four.
The man stopped coming round after that. The next time my father came home I woke up in the night hearing my parents argue in their bedroom and that morning Mum started crying whenever she looked at me. I was kept home from school so I was alone in the house with Mum. She wouldn't answer any of my worried questions but gave me lots of hugs. I did hear an occasional 'sorry' muttered from her lips.
For a special treat, she made me some hot chocolate. It did taste a bit funny, but we have it so rarely that I wasn't sure if it was just my imagination. Then we cuddled on the sofa watching TV. I couldn't keep my eyes open and Mum stroking my hair didn't help. I let myself fall asleep, knowing I was safe in my Mum's arms.
Looking back on it, it is hard to believe how innocent I was. All the signs were there if I had looked for them. I was only 9 and at the time I was confident in the love of my parents. I forgave myself my foolishness and carried the lessons I learned for the rest of my life.
I woke up groggy and confused. Nothing made sense. I wasn't in my bed, I wasn't at my house and there was no one around. When you are part of a large family you are never alone. It turned out I wasn't even in the same country. It wasn't long before my carers introduced themselves and explained my situation. I don't want to dwell on that part of my life because, to be frank, I spent the first few weeks terrified.
Apparently, what I was able to do was not unique. There were practitioners in China who used the same method to help heal people. The big difference was that I kept treating someone repeatedly until my focussed image matched their real one and, mainly due to ignorance, I didn't have any preconceived notions of what was possible. Using this idea they wanted to stretch what I was able to achieve.
I spent the next three years as a pampered prisoner for a criminal organisation. I don't think it was one particular flavour, rather a neutral party that all could visit. I was informed that my family would get a percentage of all my earnings. I was offered the opportunity to keep in touch with them, but in my anger over their actions, I decided that I wanted nothing to do with them. I still cried myself to sleep wanting my Mum. As I got a bit wiser I realised that it was better if they didn't think I had any feelings for my family otherwise they might use them as leverage over me. The money that my family received was part of the deal my father came up with when he sold me to them. They told me that if I did my job honestly and fairly then I would be treated respectfully, but if I gave them cause, I would be beaten and certain privileges removed. Not that I had many privileges.
I intended to never give them cause, although it did happen once. A man touched me inappropriately. I threatened him with causing his manhood to fall off and he left me alone after that. I have no idea what he told my carers, but I was given the cane after he left. I suspect he just asked for his money back and that was enough cause.
I didn't mind the job itself too much. I mean I loved the idea of helping people, but I hated my loss of freedom. My carers tried to be friendly towards me, and I tried to show the same attitude back, at least superficially. I never forgot that they were my jailers which was reinforced whenever I asked for some freedom that was universally denied.
They did push me to increase the range of what I could treat. I explained my process and what I did and they used that to work out ways to help me perform better. I had a fancy computer that could allow me to digitally alter someone's face or body to help me create an image that I could work with. It also showed me pictures of healthy tissue to help me visualise. I needed it less and less as constant use of my imagination and focus enabled me to develop something close to a photographic memory. I needed it more to help my customers show me what they wanted.
I was taught English language and comprehension and then I was trained by a tutor in human anatomy, Russian, Italian and Spanish. The anatomy was to help with my mental images and the languages were to help communicate with my patients. All other forms of education were denied me as they didn't want to pollute my mind in any way. If I had a question that they couldn't answer they would look it up and explain it to me the next time they visited. Later they added drawing and painting as they wanted to occupy me and also give me something that might help with my visualisations.
I studied hard, but still spent a lot of time bored. I racked my brain to find something that they would let me do and eventually came up with learning a musical instrument. So I managed to wheedle piano lessons out of them.
The range of conditions that they asked me to treat was very varied. Sometimes I was asked to alter a persons face so that they were not recognisable, or given other non-serious conditions to treat. I even worked on one young girl to restore her hymen. Those sessions were extremely uncomfortable for both of us. I was also used to treat people with gunshot wounds and other injuries. However, the majority of the patients were in a very ill state. I think my services were offered to those who would pay the most.
Most people got better under my care, but not all. I couldn't treat cancer, or more accurately I couldn't cure cancer. I could restore damaged or dysfunctioning organs, but the cancer itself would still return. Regardless of what I was treating, it still took me a month of constant daily visits to achieve my imagined outcome. I didn't have to diagnose their conditions either. There was usually a doctor who was with me on the initial consultation who would tell me what I needed to work on.
Most came daily, but a few took up one of the multiple beds that were available for long-stay patients and it was one of these patients who helped me to escape.
Chapter 3
Clara was in a sorry state when I first met her. The doctor went through her list of injuries and it was quite obvious that she was lucky to be alive. Her face was completely untouched but both arms and legs had various fractures and the most serious injuries were to her ribs because they pierced her left lung. If they had brought her to me when she was first injured I think she would have died. Nothing that I can do is that quick.
Bones are not the easiest for me to treat either. I knew what the bones should look like and the difference between male and female versions, but everyone is different so I couldn't use a generic size. However, I had been treating for almost three years by that point, so between my explanation of what I needed and previous experience when she arrived, she also had everything I needed to treat her properly. She had already been in hospital for a while. Her various issues were stable and they hadn't put her through surgery and pinned everything in place. She had been through various scans and they had reconstructed bone models for me to use, from those scans. I would also have to work on her lung and all the soft tissue that had been damaged by the rib's entry. Scans later, after my treatment, usually showed complete normality, with no evidence of any previous injury after my usual four weeks.
With most patients, what was wrong with them was the most that I found out about them. It wasn't that they couldn't talk to me, but they were given rules about what they could include in any conversation with immediate removal if they violated those rules. This meant it was unusual to hear even a thank you. I was monitored all the time so it was a real threat. No one had actually been removed for this reason, but a few had been given warnings.
Clara didn't really care what happened to her. When I first met her she was fatalistic, and, although she appreciated my help, would rather have just died. The threat of not being treated had no effect so she was happy to properly engage me in conversation.
Her injuries were the result of her abusive husband. I have a feeling she was sexually abused at the same time but didn't want to ask her. He took a baseball bat to her when she missed a phone call and he accused her of cheating. If she had gone to a normal hospital it may have been six months to a year before she was mostly recovered. Instead, with my help, it would be a full recovery in just six weeks from the incident. The first two weeks were all about survival and stabilising her condition in hospital. None of it was reported to the police, of course. Her husband was the son of a mafia crime boss.
Her room did have a TV which had to be switched off when I visited. Because of her various fractures, she was pretty much immobilised and I don't think the TV entertained her that much, so she asked me to visit frequently and it helped with my boredom as well. I was allowed to talk about myself so I answered her questions quite happily. She learned what I could do and how I did it. I think she recognised that I was lonely and did her best to fill that gap. She could tell me about herself but had to be careful not to include any details that might bring about censure.
When she left I was upset and sad for days. It was about three weeks later when all hell broke loose. There was a raid by the FBI. It was the first time it had happened, but my guards were prepared and shoved me into a hidden panic room behind the wardrobe. I spent an uncomfortable 24 hours in there on my own, using cat litter to relieve my bladder and drinking some bottled water that was available.
I came out hungry and depressed thinking that I would never escape. However, to my surprise, the Feds were waiting for my door to open and I was immediately hustled out of the building, into a windowless van and driven off. I was taken to a warehouse where I had to strip off all my clothes and they ran an electrical device over me.
The bastards had implanted a chip behind my left knee. There was a makeshift operating table there, so I guessed they had suspected something. I was given a local anaesthetic and it was removed. Then I was given new clothes. I was then led to a safe house where two men questioned me. I told them everything I could, but I don't think they really believed me. Still, they didn't accuse me of lying and eventually, I was released to explore the rest of the house. I was given strict instructions to not even attempt to leave. For my own safety, of course.
They gave me colour pencils and paper. I think they didn't believe me when I told them my birthday. My height gave the impression of being much younger. I did my best to remember the different people I had been asked to alter their facial features. I drew them as best as I could, as well as their new features. I didn't really trust the new men that I met. It wasn't that they were untrustworthy, it was more that I had learnt to be suspicious of everybody. If your own father can sell you for money and your mother can go along with it, you don't end up with a lot of trust in people.
When I wasn't drawing I watched TV. I hadn't watched any for three years, and I enjoyed my reintroduction, especially when I was introduced to Netflix and I could choose to watch what I liked. I asked for a piano keyboard and a set of headphones so that I wouldn't disturb anybody. I had been practising every day for at least two hours, so not having it available was like an itch I couldn't scratch. They told me they would see what they could do, but I got the impression that they said that to just stop me pestering them.
I asked them what was going to happen to me, but none of the available men, of which there were four, were decision-makers and I very much got the impression that they were waiting for something. They were also treating me like I was five. I decided to start working on a different look for myself. I used a mirror in the bathroom and started changing the colour of my eyes to a hazel colour and separating them. I pushed my jaw to a more manly square type in the hope that it would make me look older. My nose I made smaller but wider. None of the changes would be immediate but rather than my usual technique of picturing the whole face, by working on all the elements individually, I could stop as soon as I was happy with everything, so it would be done in less than four weeks.
The food was mostly take-outs, cereal and toast. The complete opposite of my diet before my liberation. Since I hadn't been able to leave the apartment and now couldn't leave the safe house I resorted to practising my yoga. I had been doing yoga almost since the beginning. They wanted me to be healthy for a long time so I got very carefully tailored healthy meals and was encouraged to exercise. One of my carers did yoga with me every morning and I had to use either a treadmill or a stationary bike every other day. I did cheat a bit as I imagined my different muscles stretching themselves to make yoga easier and concentrated on controlling my heartbeat and breathing. It helped me appear calm when I was nervous. I believed that I had to appear strong in front of my guards and not let them see my fear.
After three days of this, I was taken to another safe house. The car was driven into a garage and we waited for the garage to close before I was allowed to get out. This was a suburban house in a very ordinary street. That was about as much as I could say since I was not informed about pretty much anything.
I was guided up to the kitchen and to my surprise and joy, there was Clara, cooking a meal. As soon as she saw me, she cracked open a wide grin and opened her arms for a hug. One hand holding a spatula and the other a knife, she could only really hug me with her forearms, but it was the best hug I could remember.
Chapter 4
Clara had made a deal with the Feds. She would raid her husband's safe and gather as much evidence as she could if they rescued me. It wasn't as selfless as it might seem. The family used her love for her sister and parents as leverage to keep her in line. She realised that it wouldn't be long before she was killed if she did nothing and knowing what I could do gave her an opportunity to get out.
If and only if I was available to change her family and herself, of course, into new identities that could be supplied by the FBI, then they could all move on with their lives. Provided that no one was stupid and contacted someone they shouldn't, they should be safe. I would be staying with her and her family for four weeks working on their faces and voices. Voice recognition was possible, so I would need to correct that as well. It wouldn't be the first time and she had already guessed what I would need.
She had come prepared. There was a clean computer that was not able to connect to the internet loaded with the programs I needed to come up with new facial features. It also had a very effective cleaning program so that when we had finished the computer could be scrubbed. The ideal way of altering peoples voices was to use a camera to view the voice box and concentrate on the changes you wanted, however, that was impractical. Instead, I would work on either tightening or loosening it until they were happy with the result. Because it would happen so gradually, I would record their initial voices and then make new recordings to compare until they were happy with the change.
Wigs were useful for changing hair colour, as it made visualising it easier. Original hair would usually fall out and new hair sprout quickly. This can be distressing and wigs can make you feel better about it. She had also brought various different bras so that the women could choose their cup size and shape. I could also do minor changes in height quite easily, I just needed to know what they wanted.
Height was an important subject for me and with my increased knowledge of anatomy I had worked out ways to make small changes without having to worry about skeletal changes. Changes to the height of intervertebral discs and soft tissue structures like cartilage and meniscus tissues can increase or decrease your height up to a couple of inches. More than that probably wouldn't be wise. I was already working on increasing my height.
Obviously, any distinguishing features needed to be removed and it was sometimes a good idea to add new ones in different places. I don't think the Feds really believed what I could do, but for Clara's testimony and evidence were willing to go along with her wishes.
Every week we would move to a new safe house, but the team looking after us didn't change. By the second week when all the hair had come out and all their voices were clearly different, as well as the beginning of the facial changes, the Feds started to take me more seriously. I was interviewed again. This time Clara refused for me to go through it without her present. I had to go through how I did what I do and what results I had achieved. I showed them the pictures that I had drawn of the different clients that I had altered and they took them away to look into them.
I didn't really trust the FBI. Initially, all their focus was on Clara and now it was shifting towards me, but not in a good way. Clara had offered to become my foster mother, which I had accepted and even started altering my face to suggest a family relationship with Clara's chosen new face. Both myself and Clara thought that was a done deal, but suddenly, when they knew how useful I could be, stumbling blocks appeared. Apparently, It would be too dangerous for me to go with Clara. Clara had already given her evidence to the FBI and so had very little to bargain with and we both worried that I had replaced one prison for another.
I wasn't against helping people and realised that I could do a lot of good if I worked for the Feds, but...
I wanted my freedom. Once I had grown up and was in a better position I figured I could offer my services but before that, I didn't want to have all my choices taken away from me. I deliberately left the laptop computer that I was using for the facial imagery recording sound in the room where the guy in charge, Jack, usually moved to when he wanted a private conversation.
By the end of the 3rd week, my suspicions were confirmed and I knew I needed to escape my new prison. I confided in Clara, showing her my evidence and we started planning my escape. She was worried about me. The FBI would be creating her new ID so I wouldn't be able to go with her. We worked out a plan for me to escape but I would then be on my own. A twelve-year-old boy with no identity. Organised crime had a lot of resources but the federal government had even more. I would have to go the extra mile to stay out of their clutches.
A few days later everyone was essentially complete. Now the presence of the guards was more likely to highlight our presence that their absence so we moved again and lost all the guards apart from Jack who would become my legal guardian. We were now waiting for our legal paperwork and readying ourselves for our new life. Well, everyone except me. We were now staying in a motel on the first floor in different rooms and Clara went out on her own to buy a car, clothes and other odds and ends.
She had a wad of cash that she had liberated from her husband and she didn't want any further help from the Feds as she felt it could be traced. She was quite happy finding her own job and starting fresh. Her husband's territory and my original location turned out to be New York, so she was moving to California.
In order for me to be free, we had decided that I needed to escape and get four weeks of isolation for me to change my identity. She didn't want to know what my new one was going to be, but she suggested that I go as radically different as possible. Jack was keeping a very close eye on me, but now it was just him, I felt confident that I could escape.
Clara who was now called Sarah, said her goodbyes, got in her car and seemed to drive off. She had made sure that she wasn't traceable. She said she would buy a mobile phone when she got to California and the car itself was an older model with no GPS. Once she established herself it would be easy for the Feds to find her since they gave her the ID she was now using. Her journey, however, should be difficult to trace.
I was sleeping in the same room as Jack. I had made a point of waking up the past few nights and going to the toilet and taking my time, so Jack, even if he woke up, shouldn't be concerned. This time, however, I went straight to the small window that was above the toilet. I climbed onto the toilet and as quietly as I could climb out. I was still one story up, but, as planned, I found a ladder waiting for me. I hurried down and quickly put on the clothes that were in a plastic bag at the bottom. I walked down the street until a car pulled up beside me. Sarah let me in and we sped off.
Chapter 5
Sarah was having serious second thoughts about our plan.
“I think we need to come up with a different plan,” she said. She was driving and looking straight ahead, but I could see her worry by the tapping of her fingers on the steering wheel.
“Have you thought of a better one?” I asked curiously.
She sighed. “No. But I am not comfortable leaving you on your own. You are only 12-years-old.”
“It's not ideal, no. If the FBI was willing to be more reasonable none of this would be necessary,” I said with a bit of heat and then heaved a heavy sigh. “If wishes were fishes we would all cast nets. It is what it is. I can't think of a better option. I guess we have until we arrive to come up with another solution.”
“Say you survive a month on your own. What are you going to do then? I will give you some cash, but it can be taken off you by anybody bigger than you. How are you going to survive?” she asked worriedly.
“I have some plans and you know we agreed that I wouldn't discuss that with you. Worse comes to worst, I can use a burner phone to call Jack from the FBI. I would have to be in pretty dire straights to use it though.” Truthfully I didn't really have a clue, I was just going to have to wing it. If I told her that though, she would never agree to leave me.
“Grrr...”
“Look it is a shitty situation,” I admitted.
“Oi, language.”
I ignored her unhappiness about my use of bad language. Let's be honest, it was a struggle to look at my situation and find non-foul language to describe it.
“The mafia is after you, but probably only one small branch. Every criminal organisation is after me and so is the federal government. The only way I am going to escape is to do something extreme. And to do that I need to be completely isolated for four weeks. There can be no places with cameras or CCTV and those things are so prevalent now, the only answer is away from civilisation,” I continued. She knew all this and logically had agreed with me. She had managed to add a lot of flesh to the bones of my plan. Without her, none of it would be possible.
“I could stay with you,” she said quietly.
“If you disappeared for a month, the FBI would guess that you had been helping me. That would never end well and I could never stay with you without compromising my new identity.” I didn't want to add that it put her in greater danger if she knew what my new identity looked like. I trusted her, but anyone can be broken, one way or another.
I could see tears leaking down her face. “You are a child! How can they force these choices on a twelve-year-old child!.”
“I don't think I am a child anymore,” I responded gently. “I have had to grow up quickly."
She wiped her face with her sleeve leaving makeup smeared across her face. “Promise me you will keep trying to think of alternatives. You are smart, smarter than me, please use your brain and come up with something else.”
“I will try, but I have been trying for days. It's not fair, it's not right, but it is what it is. Did you manage to get everything?”
“Yes, and a lot more besides. I asked for help from the army surplus guy and he made some good suggestions. I will need to help you establish camp. There is no way you can carry it all and you need access to water. I have a small filtration system that you can set up, but you need water for everything and you can't carry it, it is too heavy.”
“As long as there is no big delay to you arriving in California, you should be fine. I think they will suspect you, but if there is clear evidence that you got to Cali without too much delay they shouldn't press you too hard.”
“Don't worry about me. Concentrate on you. Besides we are taking the scenic route to avoid all the cameras. They will expect it to take a few days,” Sarah replied.
“Have you found a good location?” I asked.
“A few possibles. We won't really know until we can see it for ourselves. Your requirements were a bit tricky. Somewhere that is not going to be too cold at this time of year. We are at the beginning of September and I have added a couple of weeks to your normal four, just in case. So that means it needs to not get too cold before the end of October. Has enough vegetation for you to be well hidden. Is relatively close to a road but with no hiking trails. Not too far from some kind of civilisation.”
“A service station or house would suffice,” I added. “I don't need people until after my four weeks.”
“For your plan that you are not going to tell me about?”
“That's right,” I said with a wan smile.
“It's going to be so lonely,” Sarah said with a sigh.
“I have spent three years with people barely talking to me and those who did were usually my guards. I'll survive.”
“I wasn't talking about you,” Sarah said, smiling.
“Why you!” I said indignantly. I was tempted to tickle her to lighten the mood further, but I was worried about her crashing the car.
There was a period of quiet where we were both lost in our thoughts.
“I like the idea of you being near a service station. It may mean the road is more of a major road or the service station would go out of business, but people just stop and go from those places, they don't explore nearby. If you were in trouble you would always have someplace to go and they are usually open all the time,” Sarah said thoughtfully.
“Works for me,” I agreed. If it made Sarah more comfortable then hopefully she would sleep better at night. After we found my campsite and loaded it with everything we thought I would need, we would probably never see each other again. Maybe if I managed to establish myself enough so that I wasn't worried about everyone who was chasing me, but that didn't seem likely.
We made the journey over three days. We didn't want any evidence of staying at motels and although I suggested Sarah get a decent nights sleep while I stayed in the car, she wouldn't hear of it. Instead, she slept in the car with me when she felt the need and we kept moving as much as possible. When we stopped at any service station, I would keep hidden and Sarah would buy some food and use the facilities. I had to make do with filling a bottle in the car or fertilizing the occasional tree. We had copious amounts of MRE's for additional meals and moist bio-degradable wipes to attempt to clean ourselves up. Water Sarah bought from the service stations. Once we arrived in Sarah's target area which was the Sequoia National Forest in California, we started visiting every service station we could find to assess its suitability.
We settled on one that was close to the entrance to the National Park. From our observation, people did stop there but were eager to get back in their cars to complete their journeys. There was a forest area within a hundred yards and a small dirt road, a couple of hundred yards past the station that led into the woods but was a dead end. We parked the car in the dead-end and walked towards the service station to get our bearings. It was about a mile away. The only question was water. We couldn't find any streams but had noted that the service station was open from 6am to 11pm. We were hoping that they had an external tap and no CCTV cameras. We searched out a suitably hidden spot and set up my tent. That night we crept to the station and luck was with us. Around the side of the toilet, there was a tap that wasn't in view of the front cameras. I filled up five 2 litre pop bottles and settled them in my backpack and carried them back to the tent. Sarah was with me, but this was also a test to see if I could do it.
The next morning was very awkward. Initially, we spent the time taking everything from the car and loading up my tent, but once that was done, we had to say goodbye. Clara/Sarah had rescued me twice. The first time, clear self-interest was involved, but to help me escape the evil clutches of the FBI meant taking a huge risk and absolutely no reward. She had offered to become my mother and adopt me. She cared about me in a way no one else ever had. My own mother would have handed me back to the FBI, I have no doubt. My father would have demanded to be paid.
She didn't just rescue my body, I think she rescued my soul as well. I had become very untrusting and cynical. She forced me to realise that not everybody was only concerned with themselves. I didn't suddenly trust everyone, but she had put a major chink in my emotional armour. I was a very strong-willed individual and was beginning to have significant doubts that love was real. She taught me that it could be. And I had to say goodbye.
Chapter 6
I allowed myself that day to mope then I had to get down to business. I had a lot more setting up to do and I had to choose my new look. My four-week clock only really started from when I had started working on changing myself. That had to take priority.
I needed to change myself so thoroughly that no one would even think to guess that my new body was me. I would also have to either stop treating people or, at least, make sure they weren't aware that I was treating them. The truth was that I knew if someone was suffering I would struggle to do nothing just to keep myself safe. No more playing the piano and I would have to try speaking less so my accent or my level of English Language wasn't as obvious. I definitely would avoid talking in Russian or Italian. Spanish was fairly common, so I could get away with that one.
My normal height was a ridiculous four feet four inches, but I had stretched my body out by building the height of my intervertebral discs and other soft tissues so when Jack measured me for my new ID I was four feet six inches. The average height for a twelve-year-old boy was about five feet.
To work out what I was going to do, I had to think what they would never suspect me of doing and try and make myself not stand out. My height meant that I could never be an average twelve-year-old. I was going to have to pretend that I was an eight-year-old. I also wasn't sure if I could change my height beyond adding or subtracting a couple of inches. If that was the case I would end up at about five feet, if the doctors were right. Five feet for a boy would stand out and both Jack and my former owners probably knew everything about my height problems. That course was clearly too dangerous.
The logical answer was to pretend to be a girl. Five feet high was small for a girl but common enough that it wouldn't stand out. Until then I would have to pretend to be an eight-year-old girl. To be honest, I was scared of the idea. I had no experience being a girl, but I knew all the anatomical differences. My knowledge was very patchy. I knew as much as or maybe more anatomy than your average doctor, but I had no underlying explanations. I didn't even know how everything functioned. I knew what it looked like and where it was supposed to be, but that was it.
Girls seemed like a different species so deciding to become one of them was very frightening. It was the logical choice for a number of reasons. I could reduce my height to four foot two inches and that wouldn't be off the charts for an eight-year-old girl. Everyone knew I was sensitive about my height so the idea that I would reduce it willingly was unthinkable. I had also shown no desire to dress up as a girl or even play with girl stuff. I was pretty sure that none of my mannerisms came off as feminine. Changing someone from male to female would require a lot of work and focus. I had never done anything that extensive before and although I didn't doubt that I could do it, I didn't think any of my enemies would predict me even trying. I did know that there were all different types of girls, from girly-girls to tom-boys. Provided I had the right equipment, and physical looks, no one would accuse me of being a boy. Maybe boyish behaviour, but that was acceptable for a girl. Strangely, if it was the other way around it could have gotten me in trouble. A boy with girlish behaviours is for some reason unacceptable. I never understood that.
Everyone had kept me ignorant for a reason. If I knew something was impossible, I either wouldn't attempt it or wouldn't believe it would work, thus creating a self-fulfilling prophesy. In my case, I knew what organs were necessary, what skeletal changes and what outward appearances needed to be to become female, so I could imagine them and believe that my system would work. I had never done so much on one person before. I made a list to make sure I attended to all the aspects every day.
I worked on my hands and feet to make them smaller and my internal elements to reduce my height. My pelvis and hips I altered to a female configuration. I didn't have to make too many changes there as an eight-year-old hasn't been through puberty. I removed my hair from everywhere. It was gutting to will my pubic hair away since I had so much appreciated it appearing originally. It was a sign that puberty was coming. It wasn't appropriate for an eight-year-old though, so it had to go.
I made my face more feminine, changing the shape of my jaw, my cheekbones, my eye shape and colour and my nose. My lips became fuller and my eyebrows finer. I chose a medium brown hair colour and imagined it down past my shoulders. I slowly tightened my voice box, testing it out each morning until I thought it belonged to an eight-year-old girl.
Then I worked on the internal organs by imagining two healthy ovaries leading to fallopian tubes, a uterus followed by a vagina. I pictured my bladder moving and my prostate dissolving then I followed that imagery to its external configuration where my urethra now came out below my penis, my penis shrank to become my clitoris with my foreskin becoming the clitoral hood and my external vision of my vagina joined my internal one. My testicles disappeared and the skin changed to make up my lips. Having spent a month treating a girl to re-create her hymen, I knew exactly what everything should look like.
I did one more thing that I had never done before. I stared into the mirror and told myself that I was an eight-year-old girl until I felt it was true and then repeated that each day.
Although I had a long list of things to focus on, that still didn't take up my whole day. I wanted to make sure that I stayed healthy so I carefully explored my surrounding area until I was familiar with it and then started a jogging routine to add to my morning yoga. The jogging I did in the evening as it warmed me up nicely before I went to bed.
To try and keep my possessions safe I put a net over my tent and then tied branches and leaves to do my best to make it blend in. I was never sure how effective it was since I always knew where my tent was. Hopefully, it would never be tested.
Food wasn't a problem since I had plenty of MRE's. I thought it was wonderful that I could have hot food without even making a fire. The taste was OK. My diet had been carefully controlled for three years so I was used to having little choice regarding my food options. I struggled to finish them, but then they were designed as a complete meal for an adult man.
My biggest difficulty was keeping myself clean and washing my clothes. Sarah had provided some detergent and this travel wash bag which was sealable and had ridges in it. It had a set of instructions and you could use it to wash your clothes, but I never felt it properly got anything clean. For myself I mainly used these bio-degradable wet wipes and then once a week I would brace myself and upend a two-litre bottle of cold water over my naked body, soap myself up and then use two more two-litre bottles to rinse. Then I scrubbed myself with a towel. Not pleasant.
Sarah knew I would get bored so she had supplied a kindle with books preloaded. It also came with a solar recharging unit and a mobile phone that could also be charged. The phone was something Sarah called a burner phone. It had about thirty dollars of credit on it. If it was ever used to call someone who might want to trace the call, I needed to throw the phone away. Otherwise, it was mainly there for emergencies. I also had about two thousand dollars in used bills. She had offered me more but we were stretching what I could claim to have either been given or stolen as it was.
The four weeks passed and slowly I had less and less things to concentrate on as they completed their transformation. I had a weird mix of emotions as my body approached my imagined image. A part of me was horrified especially as my manhood disappeared, part of me was satisfied and a small part of me was saying 'what do you expect? You are an eight-year-old girl'. I pushed through any negative feelings that I had, knowing that this was my best chance of freedom and a full life. Of course, I couldn't know whether my internal restructuring was successful. Clearly, outwardly, I now looked like a girl, I just had to rely on my past success where organs were made healthy after twenty-eight days to encourage my belief that my internal changes were both successful and complete after four weeks.
I decided that the day everything was complete would become my official birthday, so I turned eight on October the third. Then I had to think of a name. David definitely didn't work and Doc which had been my unofficial name for the last three years couldn't be used either.
I decided that I needed a real girly name. Something that had no connotations with any male name. I debated between Lilly, Rose and Ruby. Rose an inner voice decided, so I went with that. If I was asked, my name was Rose.
Now that my new identity was complete I needed to move on to the next part of my plan, only I didn't really have one. If I wanted to approach someone I had three choices. I could wait for the service station to be quiet and introduce myself to the server, I could approach a family when they stopped to refuel or I could approach the one person who had parked his car in the dead-end every Sunday and danced in the woods.
In my mind, I had labelled him Billy from Billy Elliot although I wasn't quite sure if I should give him a female name. He turned up in male clothing but changed in his car into a dress. He would spend time doing his makeup in the car mirror and putting on a wig and brushing it out. Lastly, he would put on a pair of high heels and start walking. Initially, I was frightened that he was going to find my hideaway, but he never travelled that far from his car. After walking for a bit, his face would light up and he would start dancing. There was no music that I could hear, but there was a freedom to his movements that just spoke of joy. Sometimes he fell over which wasn't surprising for someone wearing heels in a forest. That didn't seem to phase him. He would laugh and continue until tired and then just walk again. After the dancing, his walk had a more feminine cadence to it, like he had shaken off his masculinity.
Two to three hours later, Billy's shoulders would slump and he would return to the car and reverse the transformation. The smile of before a distant memory as sadness seemed to soak into the whole scene. I caught myself with tears in my eyes sometimes, although I didn't know what was wrong.
The next Sunday he was back again. The same scenario repeated itself each time. Logically, I knew my best chance of a sympathetic audience was from a family, preferably one with small kids of their own. But. There was something about Billy's sadness that drew me in. I wanted to know why he/she was so sad. I wanted to fix it so I could bask in the joy without that horrible ending. So I waited another week.
Chapter 7
Before I was ready to meet up with Billy, I needed to organise. If I ended up leaving with Billy, I wouldn't have a chance to come back to my campsite. I didn't want to leave all my stuff to be discovered, but I also needed to be able to retrieve everything if I didn't leave with Billy. I made two piles, one that I thought I could take with me and the rest. I had to base what I could take with me on what I could reasonably have gotten a hold of or couldn't live without and what I would be able to carry.
My kindle I really wanted to have with me, but I didn't really have a good explanation for. I would just have to say that a nice lady gave it to me and leave it as a mystery. My phone I would take in case Billy was not nice and I needed rescuing. Again not an easy one to explain, but necessary.
Into my backpack, I put my sleeping bag, one pack of my wet wipes, my two mirrors, some of my cash, the rest of the cash I hid in my inside pocket of my winter jacket, my Kindle, burner phone and the solar charger.
I decided against taking any food since MRE's might be hard to explain. All my clothes were boy clothes and were a little too large, especially my shoes, so I was only going to take what I was wearing.
Sunday morning I collapsed the tent, rolled all the stuff that I was leaving inside the tent coverings and shallowly buried it all, that way I could unearth it and start again if things went pear-shaped. I then had a wash and put on the cleanest clothes that I had, brushed my hair and made my way towards the dead-end. I sat in a bush that I had used previously when I was watching Billy and waited.
Rather than allowing myself to become bored, I pulled out my kindle and carried on reading Treasure Island. The book is quite riveting when you get past the beginning bit so I was almost startled when I heard the car coming down the dirt road.
I didn't want to approach him straight away. I wanted another chance to observe his strange behaviour before making up my mind. At that point in my life, I was very ignorant of most things that were out of the ordinary. If I had ever met a man dressed as a woman before, I hadn't noticed it. The good side of that is that no one had ever expressed an opinion on the matter, good or bad, so I had a completely open mind. My main reaction was curiosity. Why was he doing that? The emotions that Billy went through seemed extreme and always ended up sad, so I knew something was wrong and my response to that was a desire to help.
I waited until he had done his dance and was walking with a happy smile on his face before I made my move. My gut feeling was that this was a good person. When he was facing away from me I manoeuvred out of my bush. He heard the rustling and so had turned back towards me with an anxious look on his face.
“Hello,” I said.
“Err.. hello,” he replied.
I walked towards him.
“Why do you do that?” I asked him.
“Do what?”
“Dress as a woman,” I clarified.
“I err... am one?” she answered with an unsure questioning tone.
“Oh. That makes sense then.” I now knew I needed to think of him as a her. It was confusing to see someone who appeared to be two different people and a relief to know which one was real.
“Can I ask you a question?” she asked me.
“Sure.”
“Where are your Mommy and Daddy?” she asked looking around.
I needed to act my part now. I brought back my memories from when I woke up in New York, alone, afraid, aware that my parents had sold me. When this had happened to me I had held very tightly to my emotions, crying on the inside, trying my hardest not to show weakness. Now I felt tears bubbling up and this time I couldn't control them, even if I wanted to. I burst into tears. I couldn't think about anything but the misery of knowing that your parents don't love you.
I was very soon enveloped in a warm hug.
“There, there, it will be alright. I promise,” she said, stroking my hair.
Her words were nice and the hug nicer, but it didn't help me to get a hold of my emotions. It almost seemed to draw more out of me. I just stayed in her arms and wept my heart out. Eventually, I felt myself let something go and I could calm down. My eyes felt sore, my nose felt stuffed and yet, I felt a bit better.
“Sorry,” I said. Sniffle, sniffle.
“That's alright, honey. What's your name?”
“Rose. What's yours?”
She hesitated for a second. “Rebecca,” she said with a wry smile. “What happened to your parents?” she asked gently.
“They sold me to some bad men, so I ran away. You can't tell anyone or they'll send me back. I don't want to be a prisoner again,” I responded, shaking my head for emphasis.
Rebecca gasped. “Did they... did they do something to you?”
“I listened at the door and heard they wanted to, so I ran away.” I started edging myself away from her as if I was looking to run away again. “You're not going to give me back to them are you?” I asked, looking around.
“No. I couldn't live with myself if I gave you back to bad people.”
“You promise?” I asked holding out my pinky finger.
She smiled. “I pinky promise,” she replied, shaking my pinky with hers.
Rebecca walked me towards her car holding my hand.
Internally I marvelled at my performance. I was pretty sure that I was behaving how an eight-year-old girl would behave. A part of me that was growing responded 'that's because you are an eight-year-old girl.' I didn't find it a struggle. It came naturally so I listened to that voice and agreed. I am an eight-year-old girl.
When we got to the car, Rebecca paused for a few moments and then she turned towards me and crouched down so we were a similar height.
“Honey, I need to explain a few things that are going to seem a bit strange. I am a girl here,” Rebecca said pointing towards her head, “and here,” she now pointed towards her heart, “but the rest of me looks like a man. Legally, I was born a man which means the world looks at me as a man. I can change that and I will, but it costs a lot of money that I don't have just yet. So I have to keep Rebecca, my real self, a secret and I need you to keep that secret as well. Can you do that for me, Rose?”
I nodded my head with a solemn expression on my face. “What do I call you?” I asked.
“Brian,” she replied with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. This is what was making her sad. She clearly needed to get rid of Brian and become Rebecca.
I gently grabbed hold of her head with one hand on each side of her face and leaned forward to look deep into her eyes. “I will call you Brian, but I will know you are Rebecca,” I told her.
She kissed me on the forehead. “Thank you.” I could see her eyes were moist and she blinked rapidly to stop her tears.
She explained what she was doing as she was removing all traces of Rebecca. I think she was doing it so that she didn't startle me when the wig came off and then continued for everything else.
When I was strapped in the passenger seat Rebecca looked at me with a frown.
“We are going to need to get you a booster seat.” Rebecca then fiddled with her phone and set up the navigation to the nearest Wallmart.
“Where are we going?” I asked her. I knew she was presenting as Brian now and others would treat her that way, but I couldn't stop thinking that she was Rebecca. I mean if your heart and head say you are a girl, that is what matters.
“We are going to Bakersfield to have some lunch and get a car booster seat. I don't want the police to pull us over and without that seat, they would have every reason to. Then I am taking you home with me. You can stay with me until I can figure out how to keep you safe. If anyone asks you are my niece, Rose Turing.”
“OK. Thank you. I have to admit this strap doesn't feel very comfortable,” I admitted. The shoulder strap was digging into my neck. I guess four inches really makes a difference.
“How old are you, Rose?”
“Eight. My birthday is October the third.”
“That was only a few days ago. I think we should celebrate it. How about some ice cream,” she asked with a smile.
“Yes, please,” I said enthusiastically.
Rebecca chuckled.
“Umm... could I buy a few clothes? I have some money,” I admitted.
“Where did you... never mind. Of course, we will go shopping after we have eaten. You keep your money, this will be my treat. What clothes do you have in your bag.”
“Thank you, Rebecca,” I replied. “I don't have any clothes.”
“I love you calling me that, but try and avoid that in front of others, please.”
I thought furiously. “Umm, can I call you Bee? I will be thinking that it is B for Becca and everyone else will think it is B for Brian.”
“Bee?” she turned towards me with a smile. “I like it! Call me Bee.”
Chapter 8
We were quiet for a while. I'm not sure what Bee was thinking, but I was trying to work out how I could help her without giving away my ability. If I was to change her like I was itching to, I would be found out easily. However, I was thinking that I could do some subtle changes to her face to feminise it, stop the hair from growing there, smooth out her Adam's apple, and any internal changes wouldn't be visible and none of it would be blamed on me. I thought I could even get away with changing her pelvis and hips. Bee would notice it as her clothes wouldn't fit her the same, but I couldn't see her thinking that I had anything to do with it.
It would only be possible if I was staying with her for a month and I didn't know if that was going to happen. I knew she had promised me that she wouldn't hand me to the authorities, but she could get in trouble if she didn't tell someone. I was pretty confident that no one would consider that I could be the missing David, so even if child services of one kind or another was to take me in, I wouldn't end up back with the FBI or mafia. I would probably end up in an orphanage or foster home, but that was doable.
I was going to stick to my story that my parents had sold me to some bad men because it was true and would give me a reason to not want to tell anyone my surname or explain where I had come from or how I could have ended up near that service station. I expected them to presume that I had hitched a lift or run from a car that had stopped there to refuel.
We parked in a shopping centre and Bee led me inside holding my hand again. I'm not sure if I put my hand out or she did, but it just seemed to happen naturally. It felt right though, and I needed the reassurance with all the strange people around me. We stopped at the first cafe that we came to. I had a ham and cheese sandwich with a hot chocolate and Bee had soup. Since my mouth was mostly full, Bee did most of the chatting and told me about her life. She was in the movie business although Bee described her job as a gofer. She then had to explain what a gofer was. Go for this, go for that. I thought she was kidding and just giggled at her. That was an interesting experience, I giggled. I can't remember the last time I giggled if I ever did. It felt good though. The producer of her current movie was quite religious and no work was done on a Sunday, which gave her the time to relax. Her job was pretty full-on when she was working on a movie so she was going to see if I could join her tomorrow, but I needed to be a good girl. Stay where I was put and not get into any trouble.
I told her I would be a good girl. It came out naturally, almost without thought and the feeling that I liked being a good girl. It was also a bit jarring. I had never thought those words before or any feeling associated with it. I tried to think back to when I lived with my family and see if I could ever remember being called a good boy, but I couldn't. Most of the language towards me was derogatory. Only my mother said nice things or at least I think she did. I couldn't remember any.
Buying the booster seat was a bit embarrassing. Bee asked for some help so that she bought the right one. They measured me and suggested one which was almost a baby seat. It had a five-point harness and I couldn't release it myself very easily. I saw Bee wince at the price, but she didn't hesitate and chose the one suggested.
When we started shopping for clothes I slipped the five hundred dollars I had in my jacket into her handbag. She saw me do it and looked at me with raised eyebrows.
“I stole it off some bad guys. I'm eight, I don't know what to do with it,” I answered with a shrug.
I think I won that battle. Judging by her car and clothes, I didn't think Bee earns that much money and taking me on, even if it was only temporary was costing her.
Shopping for clothes was an interesting experience. I couldn't remember shopping for my own clothes before. I mostly had hand me downs from my elder brothers or my mother bought me what I needed. In New York, I was given a uniform to wear that was supposed to make me look like a junior doctor. I felt overwhelmed almost as soon as we entered the store and spent the first 15 minutes hiding behind Bee. Bee was great though, she would hold different things up against me and ask me what I thought. Girls have so much more variety than boys. Due to my size, my options were a little limited, but still, far more than I was used to. I tried on various items that helped Bee work out my sizes, but I didn't have to try everything. We weren't trying to create a whole wardrobe, just a little sample of lots of different styles. There were a few items that worried me more than others. A few 'cute' skirts and two dresses really banged home the different world that I had now found myself in. I knew I couldn't really object and although I felt nervous about wearing them, I realised I needed to overcome my reluctance. Eight-year-old girls normally wore such things, so I was going to have to suck it up. The one item that embarrassed me the most was these training bras. I had no development and at eight years old, none was expected, but Bee insisted that I would need them, and should get used to wearing them.
By the time we returned to the car I was exhausted. Bee then had to fit the car seat and I found myself securely strapped in. Within minutes I just couldn't keep my eyes open and I dropped off to sleep. I woke up with Bee talking. It took me a few seconds to realise that she was using a blue tooth device to connect her mobile to the car stereo, so she was talking to someone else.
She was discussing my case, so I closed my eyes and pretended that I was still asleep. Because it was on a speaker system I could hear both sides of the conversation. Bee was explaining why she couldn't just hand me over to child services and her friend, who sounded like a lawyer, initially tried to convince Bee to change her mind and when he realised that Bee wasn't to be swayed agreed to see what he could do. She then phoned someone to get permission to bring me on site tomorrow. She made all sorts of promises about me being good and no bother to eventually get reluctant acceptance.
I stopped pretending to be asleep and started looking around. Her lawyer friend phoned back and told her to send a picture of me to his phone and he would pass it on. I think Bee noticed I was awake at that point.
“I am not going to hand you in. We made a pinky promise and I always keep my pinky promises. We may have to prove that it would be dangerous for you to go back to your family so I have a friend who is going to do a little investigation for us. It would speed things up if you would tell me your full name and who they are.”
I didn't say anything.
“OK then. Is it alright if I take your picture so that we can see if you are on the missing person's list?”
“Yes. How do you get on the missing person's list?” I asked.
“If someone disappeared then those who love them report that to the police hoping that they can be found.”
“I didn't disappear. I was sold,” I stated firmly. Then, completely outside of my control, my lip started quivering as I tried to say what I was thinking. “No one loved me.” I managed to get out. And I started crying again.
Bee tried to comfort me, but that is pretty hard to do from the front seat while driving. I didn't cry for too long.
“I'm sorry for upsetting you, Rose.”
“That's OK, Bee. You just want to help, I know that. You are not like the bad men. It just makes me sad.”
Bee started talking about the film that she was involved with. It involved a twelve-year-old actress who was playing a nine-year-old girl. It was a remake of an old film called 'Firestarter'. Bee suggested that I stayed away from the actress as she hadn't been behaving very well. There was a bit of a personality conflict between the child star and the director, mainly because the director wasn't happy with something about her acting and she wasn't good at accepting criticism.
Chapter 9
Bee drove the car into an underground car park for an apartment block. I had to wait for her to release me before I could start helping her gather all our shopping. We then had an elevator ride to her one-bedroom apartment. I was asked to sit quietly while she sorted out her bedroom, so I sat on the sofa and pulled out my kindle.
After Bee had cleared out a space in her wardrobe, I helped her take my bags through and put it away. Between us, we chose an outfit for tomorrow and put that aside. It was a combination of leggings with a separate skirt, sandals for my feet, a light purple T-shirt and a cardigan. Then Bee readied a bath for me. I think she was nervous about being involved in the bathing process with an eight-year-old girl as she explained how to wash my hair and body with her supplies and asked if I needed any help.
I thought I would be fine but had to call out when I struggled with my tangled hair. Bee came in, put more conditioner in my hair and used a different brush to get the knots out as gently as possible. I then asked her to wash my back. The bathwater was really dirty by the time I had finished, so Bee suggested I have a quick shower to wash off and rinse my hair. It felt great to be clean again and put on clean clothes.
It was late afternoon by that point so I put on my new nightie and helped Bee make and eat macaroni cheese with a small salad. We watched a bit of TV together and then it was time for bed. Bee had wanted to put me on the sofa to sleep, however, she had looked up what time I should be going to bed, which she decided was 8 pm, and in a one-bed apartment, if I slept on the sofa Bee would be pretty much confined to her bedroom for most of the evening. Bee's bed was queen-sized so she asked if I was comfortable sleeping on one side of it, if she was sleeping on the other. I didn't have a problem with it and didn't really understand why it could be a problem. Bee set it up so that we had separate blankets and put a line of pillows between us. She said it was because she tended to toss and turn and she didn't want to wake me.
I was unbelievably tired by that point, struggling to keep my eyes open. I think I fell asleep before she had completed organising the bed. When I woke up, Bee was still asleep. I sat up as quietly as possible and focussed on Bee. I imagined her pelvis and hips changing their shape and angles to a more female version and then concentrated on imagining her with ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus leading to a vagina with the vagina being blocked by skin at the opening. I gave the skin covering a few mini holes so that any fluids could come out.
When I had been working on that young girl to recreate her hymen, there was a period of about a week where the whole area was a bit bloody. Of course, I wanted to know what was going on. They told me that she was fine, it was just something that happened with girls. I didn't know if that would happen with Bee, but if it did, I wanted the blood to be able to get out.
I then got up and crept around the bed to stare at Bee's face. Already there was the beginnings of a shadow on her face, so I imagined the face to be smooth and hair-free, with a softened jaw, a slightly more delicate nose and feminine cheekbones. Nothing major, just subtle changes. I wasn't always going to wake up before her, so I decided I would attempt to do my focussing whenever the opportunity arose. I was also wondering that if I did it several times a day, I might speed up the process and since I wasn't sure how long I was going to be staying with Bee, I wanted it to work as fast as possible. We had done this experiment before in New York and it hadn't changed the time, but I was hoping this would be different because this time I cared.
After a quick trip to the bathroom, I started my yoga routine. I was trying to do as few things as possible that were the same things that David did, but I didn't want to give up my yoga. I thought enough people did yoga that it wouldn't give me away.
I was halfway through my routine when I heard the clock alarm go off in the bedroom. Bee went past me to go to the bathroom and then watched me for a bit, before going back into the bathroom to have a shower. Then we had to hustle to get to the film location as quickly as possible. After we had arrived we had to visit security to get me a visitor's badge and then we went to the cafeteria for breakfast.
We moved to a distant table and Bee asked if I was alright to stay there until she could sort something out. If anyone asked I was Rose Turing, Brian Turing's niece, visiting because I had some problems at home. Bee told me her official job title was Assistant to the Producer. So if I needed help, ask to be directed to her.
Everything started off well enough. I was quiet as a mouse, reading my kindle and not disturbing anybody. Then this security guy sat down opposite me. I put my kindle down to be polite and looked up at him questioningly.
“Err... Miss. How old are you?” he asked me.
“My name is Rose. I am eight years old,” I replied.
“Hi, Rose. I'm Robert. Who is supposed to be looking after you?”
“The Assistant Producer, Bee Turing,” I responded.
“And where is she?” he asked.
It was at this point that I started to get nervous. I had obviously done something wrong although I couldn't work out what it was. The conversation, as gentle and nice as he was being, made me feel that I was in trouble. He asked where Bee was and he called her a she. That was supposed to be a secret.
“Am I in trouble?” I asked him. “I haven't done anything, I have been a good girl.” I could feel tears welling up.
“No, no. You're not in any trouble,” he said hastily. “It's just at your age you are not supposed to be on your own. Is it alright if I take you to Bee?”
“OK,” I said uncertainly, before putting my kindle in my backpack and getting up ready to follow him.
He guided me to this room that had Assistant Producer, Beatrice Slater on the front, and knocked firmly.
A pretty lady in a business suit answered the door looking curiously about.
“Hello, how can I help you?” she asked.
“Your niece was on her own in the cafeteria. It is policy that all minors are accompanied,” he explained.
Beatrice was looking bewildered, I was looking confused, but Robert was smiling happily.
“Err... thank you, err..”
“It's Robert, mam. You're welcome,” he said and turned away, clearly thinking job well done.
“Niece?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I'm Rose. Pleased to meet you. I'm Bee Turing's niece, the Assistant Producer,” I said, holding my hand forward for her to shake.
She did so very gently.
“Bee Turing. Do you mean Brian Turing, the Assistant to the Producer,” she asked.
I blushed in embarrassment. “I call him Bee,” I admitted.
“Why don't you come in.” Beatrice gestured me in. “Let me just make a phone call and I will find out where Brian is.”
“I haven't got Bee in trouble have I? Bee got permission for me to be here and I've been quiet. I've been a good girl, honest.”
She held her hand up while she spoke on the phone. I only heard her asking where Bee was and couldn't hear the response. Beatrice sighed upon hearing whatever it was.
“No. Bee,” then she giggled, “I mean Brian is not in trouble. You've got me doing it. I didn't think you could shorten Brian, but I stand corrected. Bee is often the shortened form of Beatrice, but I prefer Triss. Brian, no, I like Bee better. Bee carried breakfast to Lucia's dressing room, only she wasn't happy with it and so Bee is out getting her a suitable lunch to make up for a poor breakfast.”
“Who is Lucia?”
“Lucia is the star of the film. So, why are you with Bee?” Triss asked me. “Why are you not at school?”
I looked away from Triss feeling uncomfortable. “I have had some problems with my parents. Bee is looking after me while helping me to sort it out.”
“You poor dear. Well, the question is what do we do with you?”
“I could be a gofer?” I giggled not entirely sure whether Bee had been joking with me or not.
Triss smiled. “Would you like that?”
“I like helping people,” I answered honestly.
“OK, you will be my personal gofer. We need to keep you safe, so you mustn't stray too far. I will clear it with Brian when he comes back in.”
Chapter 10
So began my career as a gofer. Mainly it was coffee for Triss and the Producer who was called Adam. Everyone else called him Mr Smithson, but he insisted I call him Adam. Triss was married to the director, Pierce Slater, but he had Bee to get drinks for him. Bee did lots of other things besides. I only really fetched drinks and cookies, occasional lunches and snacks.
Bee apologised for leaving me on my own for so long and checked that I was OK to be Triss' gofer. Once she knew that I was having fun, Bee was able to relax. And I was having fun. Getting drinks and cookies was easy. The staff at the cafeteria knew I was helping and usually put aside desserts or jazzed up a special cookie just for me. The most interesting part was listening in when everyone forgot I was there. It was like being a fly on the wall.
This movie was going to be very different from the original. They had attempted to modernise it and add lots more special effects, but the reason for all the tension on the set was the director was not happy with the key part of Charlie played by Lucia. Her acting was fine, it was just her expression when she was supposed to be setting fire to something. I almost laughed when I heard them say it looked like she was constipated.
They were getting way behind on their schedule and struggling to solve the issue. They had asked Lucia to change her expression, but so far, she had not produced anything credible. Lucia was also getting upset and expressing that by acting out. She was becoming more irritable and argumentative.
Triss had me accompany her to all of the meetings. Usually, I just sat behind her and everyone forgot I was there. Bee was in a similar position, except she would often have a place at the table with a pad and pencil in case there was anything that she needed to sort out. I thought I was unnoticed by everyone, so I used this opportunity to work on Bee, reinforcing the images that I had created for her.
A week passed quickly with a similar routine. By the time we returned from the set it was almost my bedtime. I had to reassure Bee that I was enjoying myself. I think she thought I was being taken advantage of.
Sunday arrived and I expected that we would go back to the forest for Bee to become Rebecca, but she had organised other plans. She explained that I did not appear to be on the missing person's list and so far, she could find no record of my family. To which I replied, 'good'. She asked me again if I was willing to divulge any more details which I wasn't and then told me that I needed to be examined medically. She wasn't sure what I had been through and she wasn't going to pressure me into saying anything, but to make sure Bee didn't get into trouble, I needed to be checked over.
This, unsurprisingly, made me quite anxious. Bee told me that it didn't matter what the doctor found or didn't find, she was not going to hand me over. I agreed to go along with it, although I knew I only had the appearance of choice. Bee drove me to a private dwelling and a lady doctor first questioned Bee, who told her all I had said. That my family had sold me to some bad men. I had somehow run away from the bad men and that was about it. She also mentioned that I seemed nervous when wearing more exposed type clothing and tended to be a bit shy until I knew the person. I tended to get along well with women, but shy away from men, apart from himself. Bee then hesitated. Confirmed with the doctor that everything said would be confidential. Hesitated some more and then realised that it was obvious that Bee needed to say something. I got up and cuddled her, hoping to help. Bee took a deep breath and admitted that she was transgender and that she knew, I thought of her as female.
The doctor just nodded calmly. “So she might be frightened of men or at least wary of them?”
“Yes,” Bee confirmed.
The doctor then quizzed me, but I refused to say anything, so she explained that she would have to examine me and that would involve looking at me all over. Did I want Bee to stay with me? Yes, I did.
The examination was very thorough. I didn't like the stirrups and her looking inside me and I didn't appreciate the pitying look she gave me afterwards.
She spoke quietly to Bee presuming that I wouldn't understand what she was saying I think. “She doesn't have a hymen and it looks as though this happened some time ago as it is completely healed.”
I realised that I had stuffed that up a bit. I mean I could have created my vagina with a hymen, I just didn't want to put something there in order for it to be damaged later. It didn't make sense. I really didn't understand why I had to create one for that girl and no one properly explained. Obviously, it was more important than I had thought. I made a mental note to slightly change my visualisation of Bee's internal vagina to give it a hymen. It was too late to change mine, now that someone had looked at it.
She then convinced Bee that we both needed to start seeing a psychologist. She had taken various swabs and even some blood, which was going to be tested in some way. If there was anything important she would contact us immediately, otherwise she would see us in two weeks.
When we got back in the car we were both quite thoughtful.
“I thought you were really brave,” I told Bee.
She looked at me incredulously. “I was brave?”
“Yes. You told the doctor your secret. Is that the first person that you have told.”
“Apart from you, you mean,” she clarified.
“No. You didn't tell me. I found out.”
She sighed. “No. I told my parents thinking that they would support me. It didn't work out. I joined a group that meet up occasionally, but I have never found the courage to go to one of the meetings. I'm not brave, not brave at all.”
“And yet, because you cared about me, you told the doctor.” I pointed out.
“OK. I can be brave for you. Let's change the subject. What do you want to do today?”
“Can we go back to the forest? I want to be with Rebecca again,” I asked with pleading in my voice.
“Sorry, honey, it is too late for that trip. Do you want to go shopping?”
“With Rebecca or Brian?” I asked.
After another weary sigh, “Brian.”
“Let's stay in and watch a movie. Could I watch the original Firestarter movie?”
“It is a little bit adult. I don't think that is really appropriate,” Bee responded.
“Fine, we can choose something from Netflix that we both want to watch.”
“OK.”
Little did she know I had ulterior motives. When we came into the apartment and locked the door, I closed all the curtains and blinds. I struggled to put a chair against the front door.
“What are you doing?” Bee questioned.
“I am creating a safe place for Rebecca to join us. I want to see Rebecca again and I want to see her dance. You said you can't be brave for yourself, but you can be brave for me. Be brave for me.”
She stared at me long enough that I was beginning to be worried then a slow smile came over her. “OK, I can do this.”
I had a wonderful rest of the day with Rebecca. Bee was always nice and kind but lacked a joyful energy that Rebecca always had. I got her to pinky promise me that we would do the same next Sunday, but with nail polish and makeup.
Chapter 11
Going back to the set on Monday morning was both good and bad. I did enjoy my job, it was easy and allowed me to observe a fascinating process. If I had any questions I waited until Triss wasn't busy and then asked her. She seemed quite happy to explain. This was a new experience for me since my curiosity for how things worked or why things were done had been squashed for the last three years. Those were not acceptable questions.
I think it also helped to relieve some of Triss' tension. The pressure was building, in particular on the director, Triss' husband, and the star, Lucia. And that was the bad side of things. Lucia had been hired for her beauty and acting ability, both of which she had in spades. The problem was that you were asking the audience to believe something that was not normally possible and Lucia was not believable. The whole film hinged on the one thing that Lucia was struggling with.
There were lots of meetings with lots of suggestions, but nothing really solved the problem. It was during one of these meetings that I got the fright of my life. I had done my bit with the coffee and biscuits and was sitting behind Triss like usual. I had shifted my chair a bit so that I could see Bee and spent the first few minutes focussing on her, creating the images that I wanted for her.
Recently, Bee had set her alarm for earlier so that she could join me for my yoga practice. That was great, but it did mean that I couldn't do my usual focus work first thing in the morning. The only time I had available now was during these meetings, it was just lucky that we had one every day.
When I am focussing like that, it is a very single-minded focus. I was used to being unnoticed and didn't expect anyone to be observing me. To some extent, I was ignoring everything else. I had just finished my concentration work when I noticed that no one was talking and then as I looked around, everyone was looking at me, apart from Bee who was frozen still.
I started looking around in a bit of a panic, probably looking like a startled rabbit.
“It's OK, Rose. You are not in any trouble,” Triss said gently trying to reassure me.
Bee turned round to look at me, swivelling her chair, and upon seeing my expression, just opened her arms. I leapt into them and buried my face in her chest, trying to hide from everyone.
“Why is everyone looking at me?” I mumbled, still hiding.
“Why were you staring at me with such focus?” she asked me.
I thought about what I could say that would be believable without giving away my secrets. “It's silly,” I admitted.
“That's OK, it doesn't matter if it was silly,” Bee answered.
Still, no one else was talking and all the attention was on me, waiting for my explanation.
“I was sending you positive thoughts,” I said.
“It doesn't matter what she was doing. Can she do it again?” Pierce asked.
“Honey. Can you look at Triss and send her positive thoughts?” Bee asked.
Triss moved so that if I turned around and looked at her I didn't have to look at everyone else. I twisted so that I could look at her, comforted by Bee's arms that were still around me. I could pretend to try and not do it properly, but I had already been caught once, so I decided to do it properly. I looked at Triss and imagined her with a smile on her face, concentrating like I usually do.
“That's it! That is the look!” Pierce exclaimed.
I buried my face back in Bee's chest but listened to the conversation around me.
“The question is can she teach that look to Lucia,” I heard Adam say.
“Why don't we film a scene where the look is essential using Rose and then see if we can get Lucia to copy it. I don't think Lucia would react well to sending an eight-year-old unknown to teach her anything,” Triss suggested.
“I don't suppose Rose is registered as an actress or has an agent,” Adam mentioned. He turned to Bee. “Can you sort that out?” It wasn't a question, just something that he expected Bee to add to her list.
Triss approached me and crouched down to be at my level. “Would you do that for us? Ignore a few cameras and do that focus look?”
I nodded my head, unsure what else I could do.
The meeting broke up fairly shortly afterwards. I felt much better when everyone stopped staring at me. I followed Triss back to her office. A few minutes later Bee came round with a worried look on her face.
“Hi Bee,” Triss said to Bee's surprise. “What can I do for you?”
“We may have a problem. I just need to speak to Rose for a second.”
“Do I need to leave my office,” Triss said with a laugh.
“I don't think so, let me just check,” Bee responded with a smile.
“Rose, honey. Do you trust Triss?” Bee asked me.
“Yes,” I said cautiously.
“I think we need to tell her the truth,” Bee admitted.
I turned to Triss. “Will you promise not to send me back to my parents or the bad men?” I asked Triss, holding out my pinky finger.
Triss' face went very serious. She shook her pinky with mine. “I promise,” she said simply.
“As you can probably guess, Rose is not my niece. I found her on her own in the Sequoia National Forest, when I went for a walk on Sunday. She would only come with me if I promised not to hand her in. She was worried that she would be returned to her parents who had sold her to some bad men. I have kept her with me while I have been trying to figure out what I can do to help her. I have cashed in a few favours to do a bit of investigation so I can tell you that she is not on the missing person's list and there is no evidence linking her to anybody. Rose does not wish to tell us about her past. This last Sunday Rose was examined and certain samples have been sent off to check that she doesn't have any STD's.”
Triss gasped at that point.
“I have also surreptitiously checked to see if I could be a suitable foster home. Unfortunately, I don't qualify. I've gone about as far as I can to keep her safe. I can't organise an agent without some kind of legal identity, so if you want Rose to do that scene, we're gonna need some help,” Bee said, hugging me and facing Triss.
When I looked at Triss she was using a knuckle to play with her bottom lip, thinking furiously. “There is medical evidence that those tests are necessary?” Triss eventually asked.
“Yes,” Bee said bluntly.
They were clearly trying to speak without upsetting me so I decided to intervene. “I don't have a hymen,” I said quietly.
They both looked at me in surprise.
“That's what the doctor said,” I explained.
“Obviously, I am going to help, I just need to work out how. I think we should shoot the scene anyway and let the paperwork catch up later. I will need the doctor's report, or, at least the doctor's name. I need to make a few phone calls and, to be honest, it is best if you are not here for those, Rose.” Triss turned her attention to Bee. “Bee, why don't you become Rose's assistant for today. I will clear it with Adam. Take her through the scene, practise her lines, familiarise her with where she will need to stand and so on. I think it will be an hour or so before they have everything set up. If you finish before I do, go to the cafeteria and I will come and get you when I am ready.”
Chapter 12
I didn't have a lot of time to dwell on our conversation with Triss. Bee took charge of me and kept me very occupied. There weren't many lines, most of the scene involved me staring at a wall and causing it to burst into flames as the temperature kept rising.
I did, however, need to be styled before I was ready. All the clothes that were meant for Lucia were way too large for me, so I was going to shoot the scene in my casual clothes. They spent a good twenty minutes playing with my hair and then put on makeup. It was the first time I had ever worn any and I really didn't like it. I felt like I was wearing a mask. They did explain that movie makeup was very different to what girls normally wear.
Mr Slater explained what he wanted me to portray and I did my best to keep it in mind. We could only shoot the scene once since it involved a pyrotechnic display to occur at the same time that would need to be reset. We could do a re-shoot another day if it was required, but since it was just to show Lucia the facial expression that Mr Slater was looking for, I didn't expect that I would be needed for it.
I concentrated on imagining the wall burning up and I think my focussed look was what Mr Slater wanted, as he thanked me. Bee explained that it would need to be sent off to editing to create the scene. It would also be added to my portfolio. She then explained that I would be getting an agent who would look for acting work for me and that clip would help show other interested parties what I could achieve. She then asked if I wanted to work as an actress.
The question seemed a bit after the fact to me, but I had enjoyed myself. I told her that I didn't think I was pretty enough but was happy to do the work. She assured me that I was more than pretty enough. She told me that I had very striking eyes and when I focussed it made her shiver with the power of it.
When I had imagined my face I had tried to keep to relative average features so that I wouldn't stand out. The eyes though seem to possess a different aspect to the rest of the body. I had changed other peoples faces including the colour of their eyes, but if they had piercing eyes before, they remained piercing just with a different colour. I think there is some truth to eyes being the windows to the soul.
We moved to the cafeteria to wait for Triss and discussed what would happen to me. Bee promised that I would be safe. Neither she nor Triss would break a pinky promise. She also told me that directors and movie producers had contacts with powerful people who could make anything happen. Her only regret was that she was not a suitable foster parent, because she said she would have loved to adopt me.
I wanted to ask why she wasn't suitable, but I thought it would only hurt her feelings so I didn't. She did tell me that she would need to go shopping on Sunday as she seemed to have put some weight on around her hips and was struggling to put her trousers on in the morning.
When Triss came to collect us, she didn't take us back to her office, instead, she led us to the director's office where her husband, Pierce Slater was waiting. Pierce was behind his desk and we all sat on the three chairs facing him. Triss had closed the door after we had entered so it was just the four of us.
“First of all,” Pierce said, leaning forward across the desk towards me and extending his pinky finger, “I believe I need to make a promise.” He shook pinky fingers with me. “I promise to keep you safe, to not hand you back to your parents or the bad men.”
“Thank you,” I said quietly.
“You're welcome, sweetheart. With the doctor's evidence we have a judge who is quite happy to sign the necessary documents to create a new legal identity which should make it almost impossible for your family to find you, however, you need a legal guardian. Foster parents if you will. Now I don't have a list of appropriate families and the only way Triss and I can keep our promise to not give you to bad men, is if we become your legal guardians. Would that be acceptable?” he asked me.
I nodded my head, my eyes wide. I wasn't expecting that.
“It does present some challenges. Our work often takes us to different parts of the world, so we can't really offer you a stable home. We like working on projects together, so you will have a choice to come with us or we can have someone, like Brian here, looking after you. Our options for schooling are online courses until you reach high school, boarding school or going to whichever school is local to our location. We want to talk to a psychologist before we make any decisions. How does that sound?”
I just beamed a smile. “I would have loved to stay with Bee, but Triss is great, I love Triss.”
“What about me?” Pierce said with a hurt, puppy dog expression.
I blushed. “You're nice too.”
He laughed. “Nice. I can live with nice.” Pierce turned to Bee. “Is it Brian or Bee?”
“Either. Rose calls me Bee.”
“Well, Bee, we thought it would be less traumatic if we didn't wrench you two apart, so we would like to invite you to stay with us until Rose is settled. We have plenty of room and a housekeeper, so it really is no bother. It will take a few days to get all the paperwork together, but it would be safer legally if you moved in straight away. What do you think?”
“Umm... that sounds great. And thank you. To be honest it is a little tight for both of us in a one-bed apartment. Only could we start tomorrow? By the time we get back to the apartment, it is usually Rose's bedtime. I can pack everything up while she is sleeping. I should also mention that I have already arranged for Rose to see a psychologist on Sunday morning.”
“It has been pointed out to me that it is inappropriate for umm... well anyway, why don't you leave early, get yourself packed and head over to our house tonight.”
Bee looked a bit down but tried to hide it.
“It's only coz they don't know you're a girl,” I whispered in her ear as we left Pierce's office.
“I always wanted to have a girl,” Triss confided.
“I will be a good girl,” I promised, feeling that good feeling again. “Why haven't you?” I asked innocently.
“We tried, we just never succeeded,” Triss said sadly.
More people I was going to have to focus on. I had done fertility treatments before. I had to focus on healthy ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus and vagina for her and healthy testes for him.
“I will send you and Pierce positive thoughts as well,” I told her, to help explain when I focussed on fixing them later. I hoped I was doing the right thing. I knew fixing people ran the risk of revealing myself to my enemies, but I couldn't see people in need and not do anything.
“Thank you, Rose. That is very kind of you,” Triss replied.
Chapter 13
Michael Valles Point of View (POV) New York
I was sitting at my desk going over some numbers when Al knocked politely at my door.
“Come in,” I said loudly.
Al entered quietly. “Hi, boss. I've got some good news for you. It's definite the Feds have lost our miracle boy. They have had to drop the case. You can't prosecute someone for kidnapping someone they can't prove exists.”
I sighed. “It's not that great, actually. If the Feds had him, I was pretty sure we could get him back. How do you find somebody who could look like anybody? Sit down Al, I could do with some brainstorming.”
“What have we done so far?” Al asked.
“As soon as we heard he could be missing we sent out a reward for 100 million dollars for any information that leads to his capture in the next six months.”
“Why only the next six months?” Al queried.
“Our experts have warned that if we don't get him back soon, it may be too dangerous to deal with him anymore. We've messed this up six ways from Sunday. We had an opportunity to be his friend, make him trust us and want to work with us. Instead, we made him feel like a prisoner. His carers were tasked with bonding with him, but they had to say no to all his requests. We even had one of them cane him when one of his patients complained. I've reviewed the footage and investigated the client. A hand that was out of view may have touched David inappropriately, and the man is a known lover of young boys.”
“That's bad,” Al admitted.
“No, it's worse than bad. The chances are that David didn't insult the man, he issued a threat. That means he has already worked out that he has the ability to harm as well as heal. We have kept him ignorant for a reason and now he is in the outside world, he could realise what else he is capable of. And we have given him too many reasons to hate us.”
“Yeah, but it takes four weeks to work,” Al said, unconcerned.
“You're right, it does now. Our experts think that limitation is based on his present knowledge. He thinks it will take four weeks, so it takes four weeks. If he thinks blocking a nerve signal to the heart is instantaneous, he could kill us with a look. As I said, we have six months to find him and bring him back and we don't even know what he looks like.”
“How are we going to find him then?” Al asked.
“He is abnormally small and has an issue with his height and yet has never corrected it. The suggestion is that he is unsure either how to do it or has a mental block about it. So we think he is going to stay short. We are looking for a short boy with no identity. He can play the piano, is fluent in Spanish, Italian and Russian and will probably create miracles wherever he goes. Since he hasn't got an official identity, it would be hard for him to leave the country. Still, I feel like I am looking for a needle in a haystack. And even if we have a possible candidate, how do we know it is him?”
“I can answer that one, boss. Check his DNA,” Al said confidently.
“I thought the same. Here is a frightening thought for you. Because he doesn't know what is impossible, he has done miracles, and some of those miracles are beyond what science can explain. He treated a couple for infertility. The mother-to-be wanted a bit of a facelift, altered nose and different coloured eyes at the same time. She chose purple eyes. He gave her purple eyes. Purple eye colour is outside of human DNA and what is interesting is her daughter who is now seven months old, also has purple eyes.”
“So he changed their DNA when he worked on them?” Al asked incredulously.
“That is not the frightening thought. He can change people to something beyond human. Hell, he can change himself. If he realises that, he could make himself super-strong, superfast, create skin that can't be cut, bones that can't be broken. There are all kinds of nightmare scenarios. What if he gives himself superpowers? But yes, if he has changed himself, he has inadvertently changed his DNA.”
“I'm not sure we should be looking for him,” Al whispered.
“Now imagine that he wanted to help us and what he could do for our organisation. That is why we are still searching for him. Personally, I sort of hope we don't find him. Not my call though.”
Chapter 14
Rose's POV
We left early to go back to Bee's apartment and pack our stuff up. I didn't have that much. We hadn't gone shopping since the first day, so all of my stuff fit into a small section of one of Bee's suitcases. Bee was packing for about two weeks worth of clothes and because she was only packing her male clothes, it was an easy job. Most of our meals we ate on-site, so there was only a small plastic bag with perishable items from her fridge.
We then drove to the mansion that the Slater's call home. My home now I guess. That didn't feel real, nor did the idea that Triss and Pierce were going to be my foster parents. The housekeeper, Maria, was in and expecting us. She showed us to our rooms. We were given a tour of the house after we had dropped our bags in our respective rooms. I wanted Bee to sleep in the room next to mine, but Maria said she hadn't prepared that room. My room was opposite the master bedroom and had the second-biggest bath in the house. The decoration was very neutral and the house didn't look very lived in, which probably went with the Slater's current lifestyle. I smirked to myself, wondering how everything was going to change when Triss became pregnant.
Each bedroom had its own walk-in robe and bathroom. I think Bee's entire apartment could have fitted in my bedroom without adding the bathroom or dressing area. There was a heated swimming pool outside that had a retractable cover. By retractable cover I mean you pushed a button and something that looked like a glasshouse travelled along tracks to convert the outdoor pool to an indoor one. The grounds around the house were kept immaculate, by a groundskeeper called Jim. There was a maid service who came twice a week and the Slater's hired caterers if they were entertaining.
There were two dining areas downstairs. One small one, just off the kitchen that had a table with six seats. This was where most meals would be served, but for big functions, there was a large room that could seat over twenty. There was a lounge and a cinema room as well as a games area that seemed more like a man cave that my father had always dreamed of. It had a bar and a pool table and the room was surrounded with posters from old movies, mainly involving scantily clad women.
I would need a stool to stand on if I wanted to play pool, was my first thought. There was something about the room that tickled my brain in a strange way. It was like a part of me was saying I should like this room, while the larger part was wondering why. The whole sensation made me uncomfortable so I didn't linger.
I went to my room to unpack but had to wait for Bee to finish so that she could give me the stuff that I had packed in her suitcase. That didn't take very long and it was still early afternoon. With a bit of pleading and begging I managed to convince Bee to let me go swimming. She had bought me a one-piece costume in case we used the pool that came with her apartment. Bee is very self-conscious about her body and wearing trunks reminds her strongly that her body is male.
We played in the water for a bit. I don't think I had as much energy as I used to, or I just get tired faster. After half an hour I needed to get out and relax. Bee stayed in doing a few laps. I did another focus session while I had the chance. You could see a bit of a female shape to Bee now. Her hips were wider than her waist. Maybe I should start imagining her with small breasts. An A-cup? No, that can wait until after she has found out about her internal changes, I decided.
I had a lovely bath. Triss came in before I finished, checking to see if I needed any help. I could see that she wanted to, so I asked her if she wouldn't mind washing my hair. A smile lit up her face and gave me this delicious head massage as part of the process. I told her I loved it and she could wash my hair any time.
Triss was disappointed by my clothing selections and told me that we would be going shopping as soon as we could fit it in. I told her that Bee and I were going shopping on Sunday. Triss wanted me to go to church on Sunday, but Bee had already arranged a psychologist appointment for me, so she would meet with us after that and we could all go shopping. Pierce probably would join us for lunch, but hated shopping so would beg off that part.
Maria had cooked lasagne which was delicious. Pierce arrived just before the meal was ready. Triss frowned at him, but I knew he was under a lot of pressure at that time, so I didn't mind. We all had to hold hands as Pierce said grace. It did remind me of my mother who used to always say grace although the words were different and we didn't hold hands.
He complimented me on my performance. The edited version had been given to Lucia. He had spoken to her, reassuring her that her starring role was not in jeopardy, but my focussed look was much more effective as showing what he wanted. He said it looked very believable, which was what he needed. He was hopeful that finally, they could start making progress.
Since dinner was quite late, I was soon yawning and sent to bed soon after. I asked Bee to wake me up in time for me to do my yoga and she promised to set an alarm.
I woke up before Bee's alarm went off, so I walked down to Bee's room and gently opened the door. Bee was still asleep so I did my focus work while I had the chance and then went to the master bedroom. I wasn't sure about trying to sneak into the master bedroom. I didn't know Pierce very well and I didn't want to upset him before he even had a chance to sign the papers. In the end, my desire to heal them overcame my fears and I opened the door as quietly as possible. Holding the door slightly ajar, I focussed on first Pierce's fertility and then Triss.
No one appeared to wake up or notice my efforts, so I carefully closed the door and retreated back to my bedroom to wait for Bee. I pulled out my kindle and started reading again.
A little while later, Bee knocked on my door and we went down to the larger dining room. We were just moving some chairs to make space when Triss came in to find out what we were doing. I told her about my yoga routine and she wanted to join in but suggested that we purchase proper workout gear. Doing yoga in my nightie could be quite revealing. I had my panties on, but Triss emphasised that showing my panties was a big no-no.
We still did the routine and I tried to pull my nightie down whenever it started to slide and chose not to do certain postures that would have been given more of a show. Then I had a quick shower and joined everyone for breakfast. Maria would happily cook what I wanted, so I had an omelette. We then drove to work in three separate cars. I was with Bee because it had the car seat in it. Triss made a note that she needed to get one for her car.
Chapter 15
After we had arrived on set, I followed Triss to her office and the day began as usual. I made sure the coffee was on and started brewing. I went to the cafeteria to get some biscuits, smiling at the staff and getting smiles back. I then went back to Triss to see if there was anything else I could help with.
When I got back, Triss was on the phone, frowning into the receiver.
“Uh-huh, alright. OK, I see. I'll be there,” was Triss' side of the conversation.
“Come on, let's go, there is an emergency meeting we need to get to,” Triss told me.
“Do you want me to bring the biscuits?” I asked.
“No, on second thoughts, yes, bring them. If anyone has missed breakfast the last thing we need is someone who is hangry.”
“Hangry?” I questioned.
“Angry because they are hungry. Trust me it is true. Pierce can seem like a different person if he is tired and hungry. Don't worry, I make sure to keep him well-fed.”
I followed Triss carrying a tray with a selection of biscuits on it. There was one larger one that had chocolate button eyes, nose and mouth. That one was mine. I could get behind this hangry thing if someone else tried to grab it.
We weren't the first to arrive, but we weren't the last either. It took another five minutes before everyone was sitting and settled. I saw a few people grab a biscuit, but no one went for mine.
“Phoebe was Lucia's personal assistant and she has some news for us,” Adam explained.
“I went to bring Lucia her breakfast this morning, but she hadn't arrived. She had never been late before, so I called her. Her mother answered the call and told me that Lucia was feeling overwhelmed by stress. Last night they had seen a doctor who had prescribed taking a month of rest. They are, at present, on route to Hawaii,” Phoebe reported.
“How does that leave us legally?” Pierce asked.
A guy down the table answered. I recalled his name was Tom. He always dressed in a suit, but I didn't know why.
“I will have to check the contract, but I believe Lucia will not be in breach of contract, but we would be at liberty to replace her. We wouldn't be able to sue for a medically approved leave of absence. On the other hand, she could not sue us if we replaced her,” Tom told us.
“Can we wait a month?” Adam asked.
Another man, whose name I didn't know answered that. “Financially, our backs are already to the wall, but it would still probably cost less than re-shooting all the scenes that she was in with someone else. It is the lead role after all so there are a lot of scenes and agents smell blood in the water when you try and get someone in as an emergency replacement.”
“You're presuming that she would return in one month. With stress-leave it is not uncommon for the length of time to be extended. If she has left because she doesn't think she can do it and let's face it, she has really struggled, I don't think she is returning,” Triss stated.
“The obvious answer is to see if Rose can do it,” Adam said, looking at me.
I think my mouth dropped open in shock.
“I don't think that would work. Our financial backers wanted a named celebrity,” Pierce remarked. He then looked at me. “Not that I don't think you could do it.”
“How about this. While we wait the month out, Rose completes as many scenes as possible. This gives the option of telling Lucia that she isn't required if necessary. While we are doing that we check through our original auditions and speak to agents. Get an idea of costs. Rose can probably be hired based on film profits, as she is an unknown and the film production is struggling. We can show the financial backers the difference between Rose and Lucia and how much it would cost to get a named star, who may not be able to perform anyway,” Adam concluded. “Have you seen the edited scene that we showed Lucia? It's no wonder she gave up. Rose looked awesome.”
There was a bit of argument and discussion. I was a bit young. The character was supposed to be nine and I looked like a small eight. They were worried about my acting talent since I had no previous experience. The writers thought they could reduce the number of lines if it looked like I was struggling. With Adam's plan, every base was covered. If I couldn't act, they were still going to be looking for a replacement, if I could, then it would be up to the mysterious financial backers to decide, based on all the information available.
Only after they had decided to agree with Adam did they then ask me if I would do it. I knew I couldn't really say no, so I nodded. I was worried though. I wasn't planning on showing my face to the world and it occurred to me that my focussed look might be recognisable by anyone I had treated. My body would look completely different, so they might dismiss it, but they might not.
Phoebe was assigned to Adam as his assistant so that Bee was available to be my personal assistant. I was first taken to wardrobe so that they could measure me and start working on my outfits. I was then taken into a fancy hair salon where my hair was trimmed and coloured. I was now a blonde. They did a good job and it looked natural.
We then returned to Lucia's dressing room which would now be my dressing room and started going over the script. Bee and I would play-act the different scenes to help familiarise me with it. That evening Pierce explained how he saw the Charlie character and suggested that I pretend that I was Charlie. This meant I had to pretend to be a young girl who was able to set things on fire, was being chased by bad guys and so was running away. The only thing I found hard to imagine was the idea that my father loved me. Charlie's father loved her very much and in the end, gave his life for her. My father sold me into slavery. I told Pierce that I couldn't pretend that my father loved me, but I could imagine my step-father loving me and then pretend the actor was my step-father. To try and help me get into the role, everyone was going to start calling me Charlie. I was going to try and show affection to both Triss and Pierce.
I started that by giving everyone a kiss and cuddle before going to bed. The next day was a Sunday, so I knew I was going for my first psychologist appointment and then shopping after.
Chapter 16
It took three months to produce that movie and so much happened in that time. I visited the psychologist four times in total. The first time that Sunday morning and then we moved the appointment to a Saturday afternoon. I have nothing against the psychologist, her name was Ann and she was a lovely lady. She tried to get me to relax by small talk which I was happy to engage in, but if any question related to my past I refused to talk.
After two sessions of getting nowhere, she spoke to Triss and Pierce. They asked me why I wouldn't discuss my past. I told them that I was happy and thinking about what had happened to me would make me sad, so I refused to do it. They told me I would feel better for it. I asked them to talk about the worst thing that had happened to them.
Initially, I thought they would reject my challenge, but Triss surprised me and she talked about a horrific experience where she was out with some girlfriends when she was seventeen and some boys forced them to... Then Triss realised that she was talking to an eight-year-old girl, and wasn't sure how to finish the tale. I ended the conversation by asking how she felt right then. It was obvious that she was upset. I told her, I didn't want to feel like that. I gave her a hug and stroked her hair, which made her laugh and cry at the same time.
They still wanted me to open up, but there was less pressure exerted and after another two sessions where the psychologist admitted that she had got nowhere, we cancelled the sessions. Ann implied that at some point in the future I would need to deal with my past and she would be available when I felt comfortable and ready.
It wasn't that I knew I was fine. What my parents did damaged me emotionally and I knew that. Being a prisoner for three years and kept in a type of isolation probably made me worse, but there was no way I could discuss my real past with Ann, so I had to keep quiet.
I pretended to be Charlie all the time and I decided that Charlie was a generally happy girl who liked to give lots of hugs and affection. Triss did ask me when I gave her a cuddle on the sofa for no apparent reason, whether it was real or play-acting. I admitted that I was acting the way I thought Charlie would act with her mother. I was doing the same with Bee and Pierce. She smiled sadly and just asked me to tell her if it wasn't an act any more.
Sunday became a family day. We would all go to church and then do something together. The first Sunday, after the psychologist appointment, we went shopping. When Pierce met us for lunch, I ran up to him, called him Daddy and jumped into his surprised arms. Despite his surprise, he caught me, gave me a kiss on my forehead and smiled down at me.
Of course, I was pretending to be Charlie, but the funny thing about that was that over time, I didn't have to pretend anymore. Pierce and Triss weren't acting and their responses were full of love and acceptance. Since I had first become Rose I had been careful to think 'how would an eight-year-old girl react?' and try and act that way. Then my internal question was 'how would Charlie behave?' and use that to colour my responses. When I realised that I didn't ask myself any questions, I just did what I wanted to, I knew I wasn't pretending anymore. I worked that out at Thanksgiving and whispered in Triss' ear that I loved her and I wasn't pretending. She hugged me very tightly and cried a little. She told me she loved me too. They applied for adoption and I officially became their daughter before Christmas.
I was a good girl because I liked being a good girl and the feeling it gave me, especially, when they told me that I was a good girl. That meant there were very few arguments. I didn't want for anything and was grateful for anything that came my way. This made for a pretty harmonious family. There was a slight altercation when Pierce raised his voice to me on set, telling me 'angrier!' and I burst into tears. I retired to my dressing room and Pierce came in to chat. I told him that I wanted to be a good girl and I was trying to do what he asked, so why did he shout at me?
He apologised and decided to work with me in a gentler way. He told me that I was a good girl and I had done well, it was just that he thought Charlie would have been angrier in that scene. From then on he was careful how he directed me.
On Sundays we didn't talk about the film or discuss any business at all, we concentrated on having fun and enjoying ourselves. We went to parks, zoos, theme parks, water parks and museums. Embarrassingly enough, I was restricted from a lot of rides and slides due to my height and age. There were still plenty of things for me to do, so I didn't let it get to me.
Bee didn't join us for any of these outings. It wasn't that she wasn't invited, but in the car journey after my first psychologist appointment, I wanted to know why Bee hadn't had an appointment as well. She admitted that she had made one, but had cancelled it when we moved into the Slater's house. She didn't want the Assistant Producer or the Director to know she was seeing someone or for what reason. I asked how she was going to manage to have 'Rebecca time' and she sadly said it wasn't going to happen. She wasn't sure how she was going to cope, so we worked out a plan. On Sundays, she was going to have alone time. That would give her the opportunity to see the psychologist and have some Rebecca time. She was sad thinking that she wouldn't be able to share her real self with someone who had accepted her for who she was. I knew that it wouldn't be long before she realised that her body was different and really as much female as male. Hopefully, then Rebecca could be introduced to the world.
To make sure that happened, I introduced meditation to my yoga routine. This gave me at least one opportunity a day when I could focus on Bee and Triss. They both said they felt better for doing it.
After two weeks of working to finish as many scenes as possible, there was a big meeting. I wasn't there for most meetings, so I only heard about it after the fact. It was decided that hiring someone else who may not work out anyway was expensive, convincing Lucia to come back after her month away would result in a less believable Charlie, so I got the job. I would be paid a share of the profit. They were not sure that there would be a profit at that point since the film was over time and over budget and I was an unknown actress. The Slaters were not lacking for money and I would never have had access to it anyway, so it didn't matter to me. As soon as a judge gave me a new identity and Pierce and Triss legal guardianship, I also signed with an agent. I had nothing to do with it, Triss organised it all and even signed for me.
Once the trial period was over and we all knew that I was going to star in the film, Triss sat me down and we talked about my education. Since I was going to be working on-site, as well as travelling to a couple of other locations for further shooting, sending me to a local school or even a boarding school wasn't practical at that time. I had a choice between online courses and a tutor. Well, I didn't exactly have a choice. Triss had that choice and had chosen for me to have a tutor since she didn't know when I had last attended school and I wasn't telling her.
My tutor gave me tests in lots of different subjects and then set me up with an online program. She visited once a week to go over everything but was also available through skype for any questions I might have. Access to the internet was wonderful. I could look up almost anything and I was full of questions.
My English language was very advanced for my age, but everything else was average. I had last been to school when I was nine and the English school system was very different, so I wasn't surprised or upset. The only other language I admitted to knowing was Spanish. I missed my piano and wanted to learn another instrument, but I struggled with having enough time to work on the movie and do all my homework.
Life settled into a nice routine until just after Thanksgiving. Bee was my personal assistant and minder so I saw her all the time, however, at the beginning of December, Bee had her first period. I had access now to answer some of my most burning questions, so I knew why that young girl whose hymen I had recreated was bloody for a week. I made sure that there were enough holes through Bees skin so that the blood had somewhere to go. I wondered why I didn't have a period yet, but that was explained by Triss.
Chapter 17
Bee's period started during the night. I only found out when she didn't turn up for yoga so I was concerned about her. I didn't see her since she was in the shower, but I did notice her bed and the tell-tale dark red signs. I listened at the bathroom door and heard the shower running and Bee crying. I spoke to Triss who told me to do my yoga on my own that morning, while she sorted Bee out.
I think Bee was in a state of shock. The problem with treating things secretly is that no one but you knows what is going on. I found out from Bee later that Triss had lent her a pair of panties and a pad, before telling her to get herself to the doctors. Bee had tried putting the pad in her boxer shorts, but that hadn't worked and so had to swallow her embarrassment and wear a pair of panties. I didn't understand. I thought she would be nothing but happy.
No one knew that she was anything but a normal male, apart from me and her psychologist and presenting as a man, but wearing panties and a pad made her so embarrassed, especially when she was going somewhere for that area to be examined. She phoned her psychologist who put her in touch with a recommended doctor. One ultrasound later and Bee knew she was a girl. They did a minor operation to properly open the skin so that she could deal with her period properly.
Of course, there were repercussions. She couldn't hide anything from work since she was living at the director's house and Triss knew something was wrong. Telling Triss that she was having her first period was an unusual statement. Triss asked if she was going to have a hysterectomy which upset Bee, although Triss didn't mean any harm. Bee told her that she had stopped needing to shave and her hips had widened, so she was going to transition to be female.
Triss apologised and promised to support her. Now that Bee knew she was truly female she felt able to tell Triss that she had felt that she was a girl all her life. In fact, she had told her parents when she was eighteen and they had kicked her out of the house. She had headed to California because she had heard they were more accepting than the other states but was too scared as well as too poor, to be able to present as she actually felt.
Bee admitted that she was scared how all her friends were going to react to her and she still needed to gather some money to have plastic surgery to make it all look how it should. Bee had been living at the Slater's for over a month, stayed for Thanksgiving and spent most of her days looking after me. By that point, Bee was considered one of the family, especially by me. I immediately offered to use any money I earned from the film to help Bee become more complete. Triss said that might not happen for some time and she was sure she could arrange something before then, even if it required an interest-free loan.
I later asked Triss about that. I was quite happy to just give Bee the money, but Triss explained that a lot of people consider accepting money as charity diminishes their self-worth. By offering a loan with no interest, Bee could pay it back as slowly as she likes with no stress without feeling the sting to her pride.
Triss invited Bee to prolong her stay and helped her by going shopping together to buy some clothes. Unfortunately for me, it was past my bedtime, so I missed Bee's first shop as Rebecca. I did hear about it the next day as Bee came back to work. Bee had gone back to her apartment to get changed into Rebecca. Triss made sure she was looking acceptable and then they went shopping. I felt jealous and told her so. Bee promised that I would be invited the next time.
Bee spent time over the next few days speaking to people on-site and explaining her situation. Some were fine with it and some were not. Most of it was done outside of my hearing so all I saw was the result. Sometimes Bee was upset and sometimes she was ecstatic. I took note of those who gave Bee funny looks.
I now started imagining Bee with A-cup breasts, a slightly more feminine face and longer hair. I even went as far as tightening the vocal cords but stopped when the voice was a bit higher and my intervention was not too noticeable. I think everyone just thought she had become better at speaking with a female voice.
An incident did occur with one guy who worked with stunts. He wasn't a stunt guy, just someone who liked to blow things up. To explain what happened I need to step back a bit and talk about my experience of playing the role of a firestarter.
When I concentrated on heating things up or making them catch fire, I didn't expect it to actually happen and because the belief wasn't there, I knew nothing would actually happen. However, I started chatting to this cameraman, in between scenes and he talked about the major abilities that he believed humans were capable of. He based his list on what he believed was provable fact. What is one person's hard fact is another person's myth, but the important point is that he believed it and he made me believe it too. He believed in firestarters because of something called spontaneous human combustion. There were cases of people bursting into flames with no known cause and he believed that a firestarter was responsible. He also talked about telepathy, telekinesis, healing, speaking to the dead and seeing the future. The fact that I was able to heal people and he didn't know that but knew there were people like me made his other thoughts sound more believable.
Now when I thought about heating something up and believed that I could actually do it, I knew I had to be careful. Because I was an eight-year-old and they didn't want to worry me or horrify me in any way, I was taken to the stunt people who explained about a gel they used that would catch fire, but not actually burn them. They also made sure that I would see everyone who pretended to be hurt or die, get up and tell me they were OK. So when I was asked to set someone on fire, I concentrated on setting the gel on fire rather than the person. Reinforcing my belief was the fact that when I was asked to concentrate on setting something on fire, it did. I knew that part of that was the excellent special effects department, but I also believed that I was responsible.
Bee was still my personal assistant and minder, so if Triss and Pierce were delayed, which was often, Bee would take me home. On the night of the incident, this idiot waited in the car park and confronted Bee as we approached her car. He called her all sorts of names that didn't make sense to me and then offered to make a real woman of her. He even pulled out a knife.
Bee pulled me behind her and tried to back away slowly. I could feel her shaking in fear. That really pissed me off. I decided to take action. I didn't want anyone to know that I was able to set things on fire, but heating something up is not obvious so I concentrated on making the crotch of his jeans get really hot. The man stopped his speech, mid-word, did a high pitched scream, dropped his knife and frantically started trying to get his trousers off, while Bee and I looked on confused. I was pretending to be confused and I think I was doing a good job of it.
Someone heard the scream and came running. He called security because a man screaming, trousers and underpants around his ankles with his hands holding his private parts in front of a young woman and an eight-year-old girl takes a lot of explaining. We actually went back to my dressing room so that Bee could calm down and inform Triss of what had happened, or at least, what she knew of what happened. The presumption was the man was crazy and you can't understand crazy people.
From then on Bee and I were given a rape alarm necklace. Bee was also given a can of mace, whatever that is, and we were escorted to the car in the evenings. I never saw that man again.
My other intervention was harder to monitor. A month passed with me making sure Triss and Pierce were fertile, so now it was up to them. A week before Christmas Triss started throwing up in the morning. I googled what that could mean and confronted Triss to see if she was pregnant. Triss was 39 years old and had been married for 15 years without conceiving so told me it was just something she had eaten.
To mollify me, she did a pregnancy test and for my education, she showed me how it all worked. She bought the test, explained what you needed to do and even let me be there. She carefully used her mid-stream, explaining what that meant and then almost fainted when the test came up positive.
Chapter 18
Triss had pulled herself together after she had gotten over the shock of the pregnancy test and allowed the joy to shine through. She did decide to break the news to Pierce gently, err.. not.
She had about half an hour to get a hold of herself and then we trooped down for dinner. Her face seemed to go between shock and joy and back again. If Pierce had been paying attention he would have known something was up, but he came in, apologising for not being earlier, and sat down. Maria brought out the food. Bee could see something was up but didn't know what to ask.
Maria usually cooks too much and rather than wasting the food and overloading our plates, she puts it all in the middle of the table for us to help ourselves. We say Grace and then start diving in. Triss or Bee usually help me. Not that I really need it, they just do it automatically and I don't want to upset them by looking ungrateful.
“Dear, will you pass the potatoes, by the way, I'm pregnant,” Triss remarked.
Bee gasped, but Pierce was clearly still preoccupied with work. “That's nice dear,” he said distractedly, passing the potatoes.
I laughed, which brought a confused look from Pierce. He looked around and caught us all looking at him. Bee was grinning, and Triss was smirking at him.
We could all see him try and work out what he had missed and replay the conversation.
Bee put him out of his misery, sort of. “When is the baby due?” she asked.
“Whose baby?” Pierce asked.
“I'm not sure, I have only found out tonight,” Triss replied to Bee, ignoring Pierce.
“Whose baby?” Pierce asked louder and there was a bit of sharpness to it this time which made me frown.
Triss looked him straight in the eyes, “Our baby,” she replied softly.
Rather than the joy I was expecting, Pierce's face went expressionless.
“Excuse me,” he said very formally and got up and left the room.
I could see tears in Triss' eyes as she got up and hurried after him. I wanted to go too, but Bee stopped me and told me they needed alone time. Later I heard some shouting and Pierce left the master bedroom to sleep in a guest room. When I heard the door slam, I sneaked in to see Triss sobbing in bed. I climbed into bed with her and hugged her. She turned around to hold me, still crying like the world had ended.
I wanted to ask what was wrong but didn't want to make her feel any worse. When she calmed down, she did tell me.
“He doesn't believe the baby is his,” she whisper sobbed, “he said he is infertile.”
I felt a rush of guilt. I had caused this. Although to be fair, he should know that Triss would never be unfaithful. My guilt turned to anger towards him. How could he think such a thing?
That anger helped tremendously with my characterisation of Charlie. There were lots of scenes where Charlie gets really angry and I had struggled to express sufficient anger for the director. I stopped calling him Daddy and started just calling him director, so he knew I was angry at him.
He even tried to justify himself to me. “When we hadn't had children for some time, I took some tests and found out the problem was me. I was sterile. If Triss is pregnant and the baby isn't mine, whose is it?” he asked. His voice was as expressionless as his face, but I knew it was hiding a world of hurt.
“Did you know that hundreds or even thousands of people each year who are told they are going to die from cancer, spontaneously get better. No one knows why. They are ill, horribly ill and then ... they are not. Medicine does not know everything.”
“Are you saying I could have got better?” he asked me.
I almost laughed at the idea of a grown man asking an eight-year-old girl such a question. Instead, I answered seriously. “What is more likely, you got better, they got it wrong or Triss has cheated on you, director.” I added 'director' to give a little sting to my words and let him know exactly what I thought.
I left him to stew on that. That night, Triss and Pierce didn't come home to dinner and the next morning there was a huge bunch of roses in a vase on the table. I still called him director until he formally apologised to all of us the next day. He called himself all kinds of self derogatory words and begged us, subtly hinting that we were kind and generous, to forgive him. I waited to see how Mummy reacted and when she smiled at him and opened her arms I was able to let it go and hug him as well. The memory of feeling such indignant anger stayed with me, though, helping me with my acting.
Mother Of My Heart ©2020 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited. This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental.
Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the font of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone. This is only a story, and it contains a few swear words and mentions genitalia. If this is likely to offend, then please don’t read it.
Prologue Michael's Point of View (POV)
I was sitting in my alleyway feeling sorry for myself. Despite these negative thoughts that I just couldn't push away, I was still very aware of my surroundings. When you have been a war zone, some part of you never quite believes that you have left. Surprises had made me react instinctively and violently which is why I was in this alleyway and away from anyone I could hurt accidentally.
Standing in front of me was a young girl, wearing jeans and a denim jacket with a backpack on her shoulders and a violin case poking out of it. I could have sworn that she had just appeared out of nowhere. There was no way that I would have missed anyone walking towards me, but there she was looking at me with warmth and compassion.
I looked around just checking that there was no one else.
“I need your help,” she said to me gently.
My first reaction was an immediate fear and loathing. Fear that she was close to me, a monster, and that I would hurt her and loathing towards myself. She frowned at me and I felt a sense of peace wash over me.
“You are a good man,” she said decisively.
“No, I am not. You need to leave me alone,” I said. Part of me wanted to shout that to her and drive her away, but I just couldn't bring myself to do that to a young girl, especially while I was enjoying this strange sense of peace. It wasn't my peace, it was hers and she was somehow sharing it with me.
“You cannot lie to me and I cannot lie to you. I have touched your soul and I know you are a good man. I need your help,” she repeated.
She was right though. As soon as she had appeared I had felt some weird connection to her and I knew that everything she said, she believed.
“What do you need me to do?” I asked. I could see that she was stubborn and wouldn't leave me alone until I had done what she wanted, so the only solution was to help her and get it over with.
“First we need to get you cleaned up. I have some cash, do you know a cheap hotel where we can stay for the night?” she asked.
“Where are your parents?” I looked around again, checking. No girl her age should be on her own. It was dangerous.
“I am travelling to the mother of my heart and that is why I need your help,” she answered.
That didn't explain why she didn't have anyone with her but suggested that she was on her own and that meant I had to help her. I levered myself up and stretched out my kinks.
“I know a place, but it will cost fifty dollars for the night, do you have enough?” I asked.
She nodded so I led her to a backpackers that I knew. We organised a room and then went out to get some shampoo and a razor. She even took me to a charity shop for some new clothes. When I had cleaned myself up we went out again, first to a barber for a haircut and then to a restaurant for some food. She had given me two hundred dollars that I used to pay for everything.
While she was directing me and getting me to do what she wanted, the peace that had felt artificial slowly became a part of me. It was like she was healing me on a soul level. Initially, I didn't want to leave her presence, worried that my fear and loathing would come rushing back, but as the peace continued, I started hoping that it was a permanent change.
As I started to feel more like the old me, the one who I was before I went to war, I also felt more mentally present. My vague curiosity about this girl was turning into a more responsible adult demand to know. She promised to tell me, but first, she wanted to practise with her violin. We walked to a park, she pulled out her violin, spent a few seconds tuning it and then started playing this haunting music. The peace that I had been feeling left me as I felt this wave of sadness. I listened, tears running down my face. My life changed as I listened to this angel, who had pulled me out of my depression. It was a cleansing sadness that pulled me so low that I rebounded with a determination to get my life together again.
“What have you done to me?” I mumbled to her when she had finished.
She smiled sadly. “I have healed your soul,” she admitted.
“How can you heal someone's soul?” I asked. I didn't disbelieve her or question that I had a damaged soul.
She sighed. We sat at the bench she was playing in front of.
“It's a long story,” she warned.
I just looked at her, willing her to continue.
“You probably won't believe me,” she added quietly.
“You can't lie to me, just as I can't lie to you,” I said with a smile, repeating her words.
She turned to face towards me, so I turned a bit as well. She looked me in the eyes. “About six months ago, I was a passenger in a car when the driver, my violin teacher, had a heart attack. The car swerved off the road and hit a tree.” She clutched my hands in remembered pain. “I died,” she said softly.
Chapter 1 Eric's POV
It happened so quickly that I didn't have a chance to do more than glance at Graham in surprise as the car headed off the road at speed. Graham's eyes were closed and his hand was clutching his chest. I looked out the front to see a big tree rapidly approaching and then blackness. I don't remember the actual collision, just confusion, overwhelming pain and then nothing.
I had an opportunity to go somewhere else, somewhere that was full of love and acceptance, but I sensed that my body wasn't quite dead and I knew my mother and my sister needed me, so I resisted the pull stubbornly.
The next part of my life was a very strange existence. I was deprived of all my senses, and I know that sounds horrible, possibly even mentally damaging, but my emotions remained calm and if anything, curious. I presumed I was in some kind of coma and was just waiting for my body to heal so that I could wake up.
Time has very little meaning when you can't sense anything, so I don' know how long I was in that state, but I know I got bored very early on and tried to listen. I wasn't listening for a sound necessarily, just any type of input at all.
Finally, my efforts were rewarded and I started to sense emotion. I was pretty sure it wasn't my emotion because I had no reason to feel overwhelming terror, followed by shame and humiliation. At first, the emotions I felt were faint, but I listened with all my attention and my emotional sense grew stronger. It was at this point that I realised I was surrounded by someone else. Someone who was in a lot of emotional pain. My conclusion was that my body had died and some part of me had been transplanted into another body. When I made that observation to myself I wasn't upset, but like before, I still had this calm centre, so it was a logical note, rather than a soul-destroying discovery.
I had another opportunity to go to the light, although there was no sense of light, just a different place to go, somewhere not of this world. There was no fear involved or any emotion holding me back. The only reason why I didn't go was because the person I was within was having a terrible life and wanted to help. All I felt were negative emotions, she almost never felt love, happiness or joy.
I stretched myself, pushing myself to become more than I was so that I could help her. I constantly strained my emotional sense and tried to listen for more than just emotion. I accomplished two things fairly quickly, an ability to project my calm, peaceful feeling that came from my centre and I started feeling the emotions of other people when they were close to my host. This allowed me to start understanding what was going on and try and help.
From what I could tell, I was in a child's body, that went to school for a period of the day. I guessed that from the number of different emotions that surrounded me then with childlike innocence. That appeared to be the best part of the day for my host. There were times at school when I sensed some fun, joy and friendship. At home there appeared to be two other people in the house. I guessed the mother and father. The mother seemed diminished, like someone had trodden on her and there was no spirit left. I didn't feel love from her or even caring, just apathy and fear when the other person was present. The father was a nasty piece of work. Most of the time I felt anger, satisfaction and boastful pride from him. I was pretty sure he was at least physically abusing the woman and knew for a fact that he was raping my host. He could have been a step-father, an uncle or some other male figure, but I presumed he was either the father or step-father.
I started developing an energy sense to go along with my emotion sense which allowed me to connect the terrible emotions that my host was suffering with a disgusting energy penetration of my host's bottom. It wasn't just terror, shame and humiliation, but helplessness and hopelessness as well. His very presence evoked a panic reaction.
The energy of my host was becoming damaged. I tried with some success to manipulate my host's aura and fill in the holes that were forming, but every new attack didn't just create new damage but undid all my healing attempts. My host was dying, energetically. I didn't know if that meant the soul was dying or something else, but I equated it to the soul.
I had to do something so the next time I felt him come in for another attack, I reached out and tried something new, I shared my peacefulness with him, taking away his anger. It wasn't without cost as it meant I had to touch his disgusting soul, but it stopped his intended attack cold. His soul was also damaged, but he had somehow filled up the damaged sections with something vile and evil.
I couldn't sense time exactly but got some kind of idea by the number of emotions that I experienced and things like going to school and feeling all these innocent souls around me. Mostly innocent, there were a few that had evidence of damage and touches of nastiness. I started reaching out to those and attempting to heal their auras and remove the nastiness.
I think a month passed and my host was doing much better. I was able to heal the aura and without any attacks, lighter emotions started becoming more frequent. I tried to heal the mother, but there just wasn't any energy for me to use. I may have helped a little, but I didn't notice any real change. I tried once to heal the man of the house, but those evil sections rejected me forcefully.
Then he attacked again. I tried to reach him, but his soul rejected me. I tried to project peacefulness onto my host but their emotions were too strong. All the healing I had done, evaporated and I felt the soul give up in despair. The soul energy that was surrounding me left and I was almost sucked up out of my location to fill the void.
Slowly I became aware of other sensations. First I felt touch, which wasn't that pleasant since I felt pain coming from my wrists and my bottom. Then I could hear, mostly my breathing, but other soft sounds. My sight may have come back at some point, but it wasn't until I felt able to move and turned my head that had been buried in a pillow, that I realised I could see. Not a lot, since it was very dark, but when you are used to not being able to see, anything is a pleasant surprise.
The man was long gone, but when I stretched out my senses I could feel him next to the woman in another bedroom. I checked my bottom to see if there was any evidence that I could take to the police, but my bottom was mostly dry. I smelt my fingers realising that all my senses were working. I smelt something that reminded me of a condom. I wondered if that would be enough evidence. Should I get up, find a phone and call the police? I knew the woman was aware of what the man was doing to my body. I had checked her emotions during an earlier attack and felt her guilt and self-loathing.
My emotions up until that point had been mostly calm, but it seemed that now I was in a body my emotions were amplified and under a lot less control. The idea of getting caught by the man scared me in a way I had never been scared before. I wasn't just scared, I was terrified, like a phobia of that man and his disgusting soul.
I took deep breaths to calm myself down, but I knew I didn't have the courage to sneak around the house. I didn't know what to do. This body was not mine and the real owner could come back at any moment. I wanted to help this body so that when its owner returned, we would have a good time together. I just needed to work out how to do that. Clearly, I couldn't stay here, in this house with that monster.
Chapter 2
The obvious answer was to take this body to my mother. My mother was an amazing woman. I was seven when my mother managed to get away from my father and take us, including my five-year-old sister, to a woman's shelter. We moved to another city and started with nothing, but my mother worked hard and I can honestly say we never lacked anything we needed. My sister wanted more, but she got everything she needed.
I knew that this body that I was temporarily controlling, would be safe, cared for and loved by my mother if I could get it there. The difficulty was that I had so little knowledge. I didn't know the name of anyone in the house, not even my own. I didn't know where I was or what I looked like.
With a frisson of fear, I felt the ugly soul of the man get up out of bed. I cowered in my bed, going into a fetal position, terrified that he would come back. I hadn't really felt any of his previous attacks, but if he did anything now, I would feel all of it.
I felt him move around and then the shower went on. I released a bit of tension in my body. He was getting up. He always got up early to go to work. I was safe. Despite knowing that and watching the woman get up and go to the kitchen to make his breakfast, I didn't fully relax until he left the house.
I got up carefully and had a look at myself. I was wearing a nightie and had very pale blonde hair. A quick check confirmed I was a girl. I took a deep breath, that was unexpected. I had presumed that since the man was only interested in my bottom that I was a boy. That didn't really change anything though. I still had to do my best for this new body until the owner returned. There was a small voice that asked the question, what if she never returned? I was small and slight, definitely a child, but I wasn't sure of the age. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Bright blue eyes stared back at me. In combination with the pale hair, my look was quite striking. I was going to have to cut my hair short or dye it if I was to go on the run.
I had very little pubic hair and only the slightest hint of breasts although my nipples were both sensitive and itchy. I had a big scar on the front of my chest, so I guessed it was a heart transplant. I had a shower and washed myself thoroughly. I didn't exactly explore, but I did touch my new areas and try and make sure they were clean. I washed my bottom. Any evidence was lost but I realised that going to the police or phoning a child helpline might get me help eventually, but at best it would be with a stranger and I couldn't see it happening before that man had another go at me.
Getting dressed was an experience. Putting on panties and having nothing to bulge did strain my mind briefly. My drawer also had these sports bra type things that were more for the appearance than requirement, I think. Wearing it definitely reminded me that my body was female. Looking in the wardrobe I saw a school uniform dress. I swallowed nervously. I didn't really have much choice. I put it on. I couldn't help feeling that I was half-naked. I brushed my hair out. It was still fairly wet, but I didn't know how to dry it with a hairdryer. It seemed quite an involved process when I had seen my mother or sister do it.
I then searched the room looking for anything that could help me. I found a school backpack. I put a pair of jeans and a denim jacket with a few pairs of underwear, socks and bras in. I rolled a jumper up and put it in along with a pair of trainers. Three T-shirts and another dress, to give me options. My best find was a small handbag with a purse and twenty dollars in it as well as a travel card. I didn't know if I was going to go on the run, but I wanted to be prepared in case. I would be incredibly vulnerable if I did that, but I was even more vulnerable at home.
I went downstairs and met the woman who I guessed was my mother. She had pale blonde hair and blue eyes, but her eyes were lifeless.
“You better hurry up, we have to leave in ten minutes. I've made you lunch,” she said indicating a pack lunch bag.
“Thank you,” I said. I didn't know what I normally had for breakfast or even what cupboard I should look in for it, but there weren't many that could be a pantry and most kids eat cereal for breakfast. At the bottom of the pantry was a box of corn flakes, so I grabbed that out and then realised I had no idea where the bowls were kept or spoons.
The woman huffed and got them for me. “You are old enough to get these yourself, young lady,” she said.
“Thank you,” I muttered again and proceeded to eat.
Fortunately, she had left the room before I had finished, so I could go around quickly and find out where things were, putting my bowl in the dishwasher and the milk back in the fridge. I filled the water bottle I had in my school bag with water from the tap. I was ready to go to a school I didn't know to meet friends who I wouldn't recognise.
It was scary and my little body was full of emotions, feeling them much stronger than I ever remember as Eric. I had worked out a plan A and a plan B. Plan A was to convince this woman that we needed to go to a woman's shelter, today before the man came back. If that didn't work, I would need to figure out a plan to run away.
During the journey, I was trying to gather my courage to speak to the woman, but the journey was short and we arrived quickly, so I had no choice but to go for it as she parked the car to let me out.
“Mum. I can't let him do that to me again,” I said with a shaky voice.
“We've spoken about this, Cindy,” she said, looking away. “He will kill us if we leave. We have to endure.”
I got out of the car. She was too scared to ever leave him. At least I found out my name. I caught sight of her eyes when she started pulling away, noticing the tears. Plan B it was then.
As I walked towards the school another girl ran towards me and straight into a hug. I instinctively hugged her back, smiling. She immediately started talking and didn't seem to breathe between sentences, which was great for me since I had absolutely no idea what to say. I just followed where she led which was to a classroom. She carried on chatting until the bell went and our teacher arrived. Our first lesson was music in the music room, so we all had to trek in single-file to another room and then sit cross-legged for our lesson.
The lesson was very basic and I found it quite boring. Considering I had been an eighteen-year-old man who had only recently finished school and had been playing the violin for twelve years, it wasn't too surprising. I did note the musical instruments in a case with a glass front and that gave me an idea. When the class ended I went straight up to the teacher.
“Miss, could I borrow a violin?” I asked.
“Those instruments are for our school orchestra. Are you joining up? Have you been having lessons?” she asked.
“Yes, for a while now,” I answered.
“Come here at lunchtime. If you can show that you can play, then you can borrow one,” she agreed.
I rushed back to join my friend.
She looked at me puzzled. I think she was my best friend and had waited while I spoke to the teacher, overhearing my conversation.
I looked her in the eye. She was sticking to me like glue, which was helping me to go unnoticed despite my lack of knowledge but was going to be difficult to lose if I needed to leave. “I'll tell you more at lunch.”
The lessons before lunch were easy for me. As soon as lunchtime arrived I headed back to the music hall. Another class was leaving, so I waited and then entered as soon as I could.
The teacher looked at me with a puzzled expression, shrugged her shoulders, pulled out a key and opened the cabinet, pulling out a violin case and passing it to me. I spent a few moments checking the tuning and adjusting it slightly. I did it automatically without thinking about it as it was part of my routine. I closed my eyes and started playing Albinoni's Adagio in G minor. As usual, I lost myself in the piece. It takes me about eight minutes to play it through and I had intended to only play for a minute or so, but I hadn't played anything since I had died. Playing again was a comfort, an element of familiarity that I needed at that moment so I didn't stop until I finished, only opening my eyes at the end. I think I might have even played it better than when I was Eric. I felt the emotions more and had experienced more that I could somehow express through my violin.
There was a silence for a moment when I had finished. Then I heard clapping both behind me and in front of me. The music teacher had tears in her eyes as she was clapping and when I turned around there was a group who had followed their ears, both adults and children.
My friend ran through to give me another hug. “Can you play something else? That was beautiful,” she said.
Chapter 3
I ended up giving an impromptu concert. I had to break frequently, partially to eat my lunch, but mainly because my new body had not developed any stamina for violin playing. The music teacher started talking about the orchestra and what she would like me to do. I tuned most of it out while seeming to agree and nod my head. I needed to get away from here and having a violin meant I could earn some money busking.
I did feel a little guilty. My intention was to take the violin and go on the run, which felt a little bit bad. I would try and send back either the violin or money for a new one when I could, but that didn't mean I wasn't stealing this one. I needed to protect Cindy and that meant running away. I did decide that the music teacher deserved a note if I could get her one. I wrote it in my next class which was an English class. I folded it up and addressed it. I was blunt and honest figuring she would forgive me if she knew the truth. I was also aware that it would cast suspicion on the rapist, but no evidence. I gave it to my best friend and made her promise not to read it, but give it to the music teacher tomorrow. I tried to impress on her how serious it was.
My original idea was to disappear during lunch break, but that was blown out of the water after I started playing the violin. Logically, the best time was the middle of the night, but then there was the possibility that I might get attacked again and at my age, I couldn't just get on a bus at night without someone wanting to know where my parents were. Escaping school without someone noticing was possible but it wouldn't be long before the search began.
I figured I needed to get into the centre of Sydney to have any hope of losing any pursuit. The only options for that were car, bus or train. The bus was probably out as the bus driver would report me. I was a little young to be driving. I did know how, but I wasn't sure I could even reach the pedals. The only option was the train. Most of the train system was automated, I just needed to get to a train station.
My best friend, whose name I found out was Jess, but only after someone else called her that, had a phone, so while we were waiting to be picked up, she let me borrow it and I used google maps to find the train station closest to my house. I did my best to memorise it.
Although I hadn't been challenged in any of my lessons that day, I had noticed that Cindy's brain was more intelligent than Eric's with a better memory. I practised hours on my violin every day when I was Eric to learn each piece of music. Long hours and repetition was the only way I could do it. If it was a minor difference I probably wouldn't have noticed it, but Cindy's memory was much clearer and it only took a glance to memorise my route.
I was picked up soon after, so I didn't have time to do any other research and I thought that was probably a good thing. If someone looked at the history on Jess' phone it would show that I looked at a map around my house and that was it. By that time, hopefully, it wouldn't matter as I would be in hiding somewhere in the city centre.
The woman who I presumed was my mother noticed the violin case and asked me about it. I told her I was borrowing it from school because I wanted to learn and had been offered free lessons at school. That ended that conversation apart from a suggestion that I don't play when my step-father was home. Now I knew he was a step-father.
When my mother wasn't watching I went to the kitchen and searched for a sharp knife. I wasn't sure I would have the courage to use it and he was unlikely to attack me two days in a row, but I wanted to have options. I spent most of the time in my room, trying to stay unnoticed. My room had a sliding window with a flyscreen in it, but I worked out how to remove it and would be able to climb out easily.
I was called down for dinner. The man wasn't back from work or from drinking with his friends. Whatever the reason, we had a quiet, non-stressful dinner. I was sent to bed at nine and he still hadn't returned. I waited until my mother had checked on me, then took off my nightie and changed into my jeans, T-shirt, denim jacket with socks and trainers. My backpack was full of clothes and the violin. I took the flyscreen off as quietly as possible and opened the window, climbing out carefully and shutting the window behind me. My heart was trying to beat its way out of my chest. I took deep breaths to calm myself. My way to the street was blocked by a water tank, but I was small and skinny enough to be able to squeeze past it. I had to take my backpack off and hold it in my hand to get past.
I walked as quickly as I could towards the train station, ignoring any cars that passed, hoping that they would ignore me. At the train station, I worked out my route and then hid in the shadows.
Getting on the train was a non-event, despite my worry and due to the lateness of the hour, there were only a few people who came near me. One woman in her twenties sat near me and asked me if I was running away. I laughed and told her I was running towards. I touched her energy with mine and told her I didn't feel safe with my step-father so I was going back to the mother of my heart. Everything I said was true and I realised that I couldn't lie when speaking to someone and touching their soul at the same time. It was like there was something in me that told me that would be a major wrong.
She was concerned about my safety and again I couldn't lie, so I told her that what I was doing was safer than anything else I could think of. I then told her that if she reported me I would be sent back to my step-father and would likely be raped again.
There is something about touching someone else's energy. I think at a fundamental level you connect and then you can't be dishonest and somehow the other person knows that. It even draws the truth out of you when you would rather stay quiet. It was the first time I noticed that effect, but it wouldn't be the last. On the plus side, she knew I believed what I said and couldn't in good conscience report me and by staying by me and talking to me, no one else bothered me. She gave me her phone number by writing it on my hand, telling me to contact her if I needed help. She wanted to bring me with her, but she was staying at a friend's house and the parent of her friend was a policewoman who would immediately report me.
I could tell that she was reluctant to leave me on my own and listening to her emotions could feel herself building to somehow taking charge of me. I thanked her, promised to contact her when I could and got off at the next stop before she could make her mind up. I then had to wait for the next train to continue my journey.
The last part of my trip was a bit of a nightmare. I got on easily enough, but there was a guy in his twenties who immediately noticed me and his emotions were revolting. I touched his energy and found a damaged aura with evil elements. I think that the only thing that stopped him from attacking me was the presence of another passenger who had headphones on and was oblivious to the world around him.
I had been to Sydney as Eric, but only remembered Darling Harbour and Circular Quay. We had travelled once for a cruise that went to the pacific islands. We very rarely could afford holidays, so that event was very memorable to me. I knew that near Circular Quay there was a place where performers entertained the public, so I was hoping to go there to earn some money, and I thought there would be somewhere around Darling Harbour where I could sleep for the night.
However, with that man watching me I was frightened enough that I got off at Central and didn't try and find another train, I just started running away. I kept an eye on his emotions and felt his joy of the chase and anticipation of dominance. It was horrible and I could barely think clearly. I ran into the park and tried to hide.
I had two ways of keeping track of him. One was his emotions that had a nasty flavour, but I think everyone experiences their emotions slightly differently so I could pick people out purely by their emotions. The other was more short-ranged but also more accurate and that was touching their energy with my own. When I did that I got a much more complete feeling for their personality.
Following him by his emotions I could feel him approaching my area, but it looked like he was going to walk past my hiding place. When he got close enough, I then used my soul energy to touch his, but that was a mistake. He immediately changed his direction and started heading directly towards me. Scared I withdrew my energy probe knowing that he got as much information as I did when I used it. I pulled my energy in, which took some effort now that it was used to being so spread out. Then I pulled it in even further so that it was below my skin and most of the way to my heart again. I could still feel his emotions. I didn't want to move because the noise I would make would give me away, but he was still heading towards me although less confidently, which meant he was about to find me. I felt despair, there was no way to win. If I stayed still he would find me, if I moved he would catch me. I looked up at him from inside the bush I was using to hide, expecting him to say something, do something, but all his emotions registered was confusion.
I was right in front of him and he couldn't see me. He couldn't see me.
Chapter 4
He loitered for half an hour, waiting for me to emerge, but I knew he was there with his emotional signature. I was getting tired anyway, so I pulled a couple of jumpers on, curled into a ball, used my backpack as a pillow and tried to get some sleep. I couldn't really settle down until I felt him leave. Then, despite not feeling that comfortable, I couldn't keep my eyes open and drifted off.
I woke up when I felt any emotional presence, checked that my energy was still pulled in, which it wasn't, so pulled it back in and went back to sleep until the sunlight was bright enough that I knew I had to get up. I did my best to brush off all evidence of a rough night and made my way back to the train station.
It was weird walking around other people with my energy pulled in. It was like they subconsciously knew I was there because they avoided walking into me, but couldn't consciously see me. There was a fair number of people around so I set up a spot that was close to lots of people walking but slightly removed. I put my violin case in front of me, tuned up and then reversed my energy signature, pushing my energy out as far as I could reach and started playing.
It went pretty well, I didn't count the money, just enjoyed playing the violin. It probably helped that I was a cute young girl, but it also counted against me. I could feel a couple of ladies who were going to question me when I finished, so I quickly packed up, shoving the money in my pocket, moving off into the crowd and pulling my energy in again.
I took the train to Circular Quay. I checked the money and found out that I had earned a little over thirty dollars and with what I already had, I had enough for some food and to organise my disguise. It wasn't a great place for shopping, but I managed to find a brown hair dye and using the public toilets was able to do a passable job dying my hair. It's not anything I had ever done before, but the instructions were pretty clear. There were a few ladies who came in while I was doing it, but with my energy pulled in, they ignored me.
I then went to McDonald's to have some food and wait for the day to pass. It was quite funny, I would walk up to the counter, often waiting in line which required others to subconsciously leave room for me, then, when it was my turn, I would push my energy out, place my order, and pay. After serving me, while wondering what a young girl was doing on her own, I would move away and pull my energy in until my order was ready. Their emotions went from shock to confusion, but the next customer usually pulled their attention away from trying to work it all out. I did it twice to the same server and this time they were half expecting it, so their emotion was curiosity.
I waited until the afternoon when kids my age would be out of school and there were a large number of tourists. I then set up in the performing area which I remembered from my last visit. Again I put out my violin case. This time I pretended to wave to someone in the crowd with a smile on my face, hoping others would presume I was waving to a parent or other guardian. I started playing Vivaldi's four seasons. It was all very well playing technical pieces that showcased my ability with the violin, but in reality, people preferred to hear something that they already knew. Besides, I loved every season and was very familiar with it. I only got through Spring before I felt too physically tired to continue and it was a good stopping point, anyway.
I earned over a hundred and twenty dollars. I gathered it up, walked off into the crowd, many of them thanking me for a great performance. Once I was among strangers who weren't particularly noticing me, I pulled my energy in and headed for the train station. I needed to buy a few essentials, but at low prices so I needed a K-mart or Big-W. Fortunately, we had a similar issue when I had come here previously so I knew I would find what I was looking for at Broadway shopping centre.
I took the train to Central and then a bus to the shopping centre. I managed to find a self-inflating single mattress for nineteen dollars and a cute mermaid sleeping bag for fifteen dollars. When I felt a desire for the mermaid sleeping bag I knew I had properly crossed the gender divide. I then tried to justify it to myself by saying that I was buying it for Cindy. I also thought it was unlikely that any man would try and steal it. Still, I had to be honest with myself and admit there was something cute about it that I liked. I found a small tent for twelve dollars and my last purchase was a smartphone for fifty-nine dollars. I didn't bother with a sim card because I knew I could use the free wireless service in lots of places. There were even complimentary charge stations at some cafes.
I couldn't fit it all in my backpack so I had to go back in and find a bag. I chose a five-litre dry bag for six dollars and moved my clothes and sleeping bag into that. I could hold the bag in my hand with my backpack on my back it wasn't too unwieldy. It hadn't rained yet, but I knew that wouldn't last.
I bought a pack of oat bars from Coles with chocolate chips and then headed to the parent's restroom where I refilled my water bottle and charged my phone. I then sat in a cafe nursing a mug of hot chocolate while using the free Wi-Fi to work out where I was going to sleep that night.
I was trying to be honest and pay for everything, but my ability to draw in my energy and become effectively invisible allowed me to get away with some cost savings. I stopped paying for my train, bus and other travel expenses. I figured I could also use it for my accommodation. Although I might be invisible, I didn't think my tent would be, so I needed a campsite where a tent would be expected and allowed. I chose the Cockatoo Island campsite as it was only a short ferry trip from Circular Quay. They even had already set up tents that you could hire. I waited until it was getting late and sneaked into one of those tents and set up my mattress and sleeping bag. They had a public restroom that I could use, so I was finally able to have a decent shower and feel clean again. I transferred the phone number on my hand into my phone before I washed it off. I then realised that I needed one more purchase, a towel. It would have to wait for me to have more funds, though. I tried to brush off as much water as possible and then used the hand drying paper to dry myself off. I washed my underwear and used the hot air jets of the hand dryer to dry them.
My plan was fairly simple, gather enough funds to get to Adelaide and visit my real mother. I did have her phone number but I didn't sound or look anything like Eric so I needed to meet her face to face. Using the phone I found there was a train that travelled from Sydney to Adelaide which was probably my best bet, but it took twenty-four hours for the journey and I was pretty sure that I became visible when I went to sleep. When I woke up yesterday my energy had automatically stretched itself out to a normal distance. I had two choices, sneak aboard and try and stay awake for twenty-four hours or buy a ticket. I was going to try and earn the money for the ticket and if that didn't work I could always try the other option.
Chapter 5
The next day was a Saturday, so I didn't have to worry about anyone expecting me to be in school and there were more people, even from early on. I took the ferry back to Circular Quay and started scouting out the performance area. While waiting I did do a scan of the crowd and something made me uneasy so I travelled around everyone, keeping my energy in but using my emotional sense to see if I could sense anything wrong.
There were a couple of people who were on the lookout for someone. It may not have been me that they were searching for, but I couldn't take the risk. I retreated to McDonald's getting something to eat and trying to work out a new plan. Dying my hair was probably not enough. By now, my ability to play the violin was probably well known after my school performance. If I couldn't busk, I had no way to earn money. If I couldn't earn money, I had no way to feed myself. I could go to the train station and sneak onboard the train to Adelaide, but I wanted the heat to die down, ideally. If I fell asleep and everyone was alerted to be looking for me I could find myself in real trouble. Staying awake for twenty-four hours doesn't sound like a big deal, but I had found this younger body demanded much more sleep than I was used to, so I knew that was not going to be easy.
While I wandered back towards the train station the presence of a cruise ship intruded on my awareness. Thinking about it, when I went on that cruise as Eric, once we got on board we had these passes, but they were only to show we had bought a drinks package and provide entry to our rooms. All the buffet food, juice, water, hot drinks and even ice cream were all provided with no checks. If I could sneak onboard, which would normally be impossible, but with my effective invisibility should be easy, I would be provided for. Sleeping arrangements would be a little tricky, but I could sleep during the day on a lounger or find a quiet location that wasn't being used. By the time the cruise ship came back, the heat should have died off. I probably couldn't busk again, but I would have however long the cruise lasted to work out an alternate plan.
Getting on board was actually quite easy. I just followed another family but kept my energy in. There were checks, but I just breezed through, with no one noticing. I then set off to explore.
I wouldn't be able to use the proper restaurants because you had to give your room number and I didn't have one. I couldn't use the bars both because of my age and even soft drinks required payment with a show of my non-existent card. I did go to the gift shop and bought a lanyard which I wore, but tucked it under my T-shirt, that way it looked like I had a card. With the last of my money, I bought a swimming costume. That was embarrassing. I had to ask for help, pretending my mother was close by and choosing such a female item of clothing. Still, I needed to fit in and with the swimming pool was a public shower, so I would be able to keep relatively clean. I knew I could swipe a towel from the towel station so it would look like I was legit.
It was such a relief when the ship pulled away from the dock. I now had a week or more where I didn't have to worry about food or drink and I was pretty confident about finding somewhere to sleep. Worst-case scenario, I could sleep during the day and keep my energy in during the night. With my exploration, I already had a good candidate. There was a night club that only opened late and seemed to be completely empty during the rest of the day, there was also an area for playing games like cards or board games and that was quiet. If it was warm enough I could sleep outside in one of the cabanas.
To start with it went perfectly to plan. I didn't even have to keep my energy in. There is nothing strange about seeing a young girl on her own on a cruise ship. You presume her family is around somewhere. Even eating on your own. Kids quite often prefer the buffet whereas the parents like the proper restaurant, so I wasn't the only child who was eating without their parents. I ended up playing with other kids around the swimming pool and when I was inevitably questioned about the lack of parental supervision, I suggested that my mother was struggling with seasickness and needed to stay in the room.
I called myself Charlie. I hadn't thought about it ahead of time, just knew I couldn't be Cindy and it was the first name that I thought of. There was one family with a daughter my age who took me under their wing and that helped sell the story I was presenting.
The problem I had didn't involve any of that, it was my empathy, my emotional sense. I automatically kept up my awareness of the emotion of others and there was one girl who was a teenager and constantly sad. She was slightly overweight, but nothing terrible. She never seemed to be with other kids and, as each day went past I could feel her become more and more depressed. I tried to approach her a couple of times but she rebuffed me. I kept a close eye on her when I could. I touched her with my energy and found her aura was a mess. There was no evil in it, but it had holes in it and would do these disturbing energy fluctuations. It reminded me very much of Cindy's aura.
I wasn't sure I could help her, but I wanted to try. I had learnt how to calm down auras and even repair them when I was inside Cindy. I had even reached out to try and effect her step-father with limited success. The question was the morality of it all. Could I treat her without her permission, yes, but should I? After the third time of being turned away, I decided that if I didn't do something she would become suicidal. I couldn't read thoughts but the emotions were strong and worrying.
The time I decided to intervene was when I feared she would literally jump off the ship. She was at the back of the boat in a section that was supposed to be for adults only. I thought she was too young and that she was going there to jump, but I found out later that she was eighteen and allowed to be there. I pulled in my energy and sneaked to be near her and hid in a cabana nearby. I then pulled out my violin and started playing Albinoni's Adagio in G minor again, but this time I also extended my energy to touch Lisa's aura. I did my best to calm down her energy and shift it to cover the holes. The music seemed to help, somehow charging her energy even as I was working on it. I noticed her approaching me and joining me in the cabana while I was trying to heal her.
“That was beautiful. I wish I could play like that,” Lisa said when I finished.
“Thank you,” I replied, putting my violin away.
“Why did you keep on trying to talk to me?” she asked.
“I sensed a kindred spirit. I may be wrong, but if it was true, I hoped we could help each other.” I took a deep breath. There was no way she was going to tell me what was troubling her if I didn't tell her my problems. “My step-father raped me,” I said quietly.
Lisa looked at me, but I was touching her energy with mine still, so I knew she believed me. Something seemed to crack inside her, tears welled up and she gathered me up in her arms. “I'm sorry,” she said as if it was her fault. She then started sobbing, rocking me in her arms. I was so much smaller than her that I felt very much the child. I found myself crying as well. I didn't experience too much of the rape, but I still felt violated and hurt in a way that was hard to describe.
When she had quietened down and we both had stopped crying she let go of me a little, but still kept me in her arms. “My uncle got me to play with him. I didn't want to, but he said it was my fault that he was up and I had to, to...”
“Shhhh....” I said. “Did you tell anyone?”
“No. Who would believe me?” she asked.
I was pretty sure that her parents would take the accusation very seriously, but trying to convince Lisa of that would be hard. Then I wondered if my touching soul energy and the honesty that comes with it could help.
“What colour eyes have you got Lisa?” I asked.
She looked at me with confusion. “Err... blue.”
“I have a special ability which makes it hard to lie and for people to know when someone is telling the truth. I want you to tell me that you have brown eyes,” I told her.
“I have brown eyes,” she said. “Wow, that was hard and I know you wouldn't have believed me.”
“OK, I'm going to try the same and you can feel the difference. I have blue eyes,” I said, pausing to give her a chance to see how that felt. “I have brown eyes,” I said struggling to get past the wrongness.
“Did you tell your mum then?” Lisa asked after a pause to digest the difference.
“She already knew but was too scared to take any action. We can talk about my troubles later, right now, we need to talk to your parents,” I said, attempting to project calm at her.
She took a deep breath. “OK, I can do this. Are you sure this is going to work?”
“I don't know your parents, but they will know you are telling the truth and I can't imagine that they are going to be anything but loving towards you,” I said.
We held hands and tracked down her parents. They were in the casino section. Her dad was playing a slot machine while her mum was sitting nearby sipping a drink. I connected my energy to both Lisa and her mother and then squeezed Lisa's hand.
Lisa then asked her mother to remember when her brother Rob visited a year ago and talked about what happened. There was no question about belief, her mother was shocked and horrified. She gathered Lisa up and they disappeared back to their rooms. I could feel her mother's emotions and knew she completely trusted her daughter. It also answered lingering questions in her mother's mind. She had not had any clue as to what had happened but she had noted a change in her daughter's behaviour. This explained it perfectly.
Lisa's dad asked me why they had left and I said both his wife and his daughter needed him in their room. He looked at me with questions in his eyes but left to find out more from his family.
Chapter 6
That did leave me in the casino area and made me wonder if there was some game of chance where my abilities gave me a boost. Obviously, poker would be easier if I could tell the true emotional state of the other players, but I was too young to be allowed to play. Besides, I would prefer to win against the casino rather than other players. I could touch the slot machines with my energy, but they were too complex for me to work out any advantages.
There was one machine that I thought would work. It was like a second hand of a clock. When you bought a ticket, the hand would travel clockwise and you had a big red button to press when that arm was over a gap. If the hand passed through the gap you won the money. Tickets cost seven dollars fifty and the payout was five thousand dollars. They made the gap appear large, but with the star on the end of the second hand, it was almost impossible to win. However, I could see inside the machine and could see exactly when to press. It was only a tiny spot to aim for, but you were given five chances per go.
The only problem was you needed a cruise card to play. Not that I had the seven dollars fifty either. I walked back to the empty nightclub. I was used to practising for a couple of hours a day on my violin, but I didn't have the stamina yet. The only way to get that strength back was to keep at it, so every day I had been coming here to practise. I have often heard the phrase that music can soothe the savage beast, so I had combined my energy work with my violin playing when working on Lisa. I felt it had added an extra dimension. Lisa wasn't completely fixed yet. I knew that I would need to work on her more and probably explain and get permission before doing it.
I didn't see Lisa or her family again until dinner time.
Her mum hugged me. “Thank you so much. Lisa said without you she wouldn't have had the courage to speak to us. Can you take me to your parents? I want them to know and be proud.”
“You are very welcome. My mum is not available at the moment, so maybe later,” I said, thinking very much later. “I did want to talk to you both about something. I think music can help heal emotional wounds, so I wondered if I could have permission to treat Lisa's wounds,” I said tapping my violin.
“Sure,” the father said, pandering to me, but clearly expecting a childish ineptitude.
“I don't want to disturb anyone here, but I have found somewhere if you are interested.” They had found me on a sun lounger next to the main pool.
With their agreement, I led them to the empty nightclub. I asked Lisa to sit close to me for full healing effect and started playing Vivaldi again while extending my energy to Lisa and working on her aura. I thought it would be a difficult challenge mentally to be doing two things at once, but in reality, working on Lisa with my energy left my body to play without interference. My body knew what to do considering the number of times I had practised, it just needed my mind to get out of the way. I had a brief pause between each season and only managed two seasons, but I was happy with Lisa's progress.
“I do feel better,” Lisa admitted. “Like the stain on my soul has been washed off.”
Both parents, frankly amazed by my violin performance and happy with Lisa's recovery asked if there was anything they could do for me.
“Well, there is one thing,” I said. “There is one game in the casino that I really want to play, but it needs a cruise card linked to an account. It is only seven dollars fifty. Do you think you could let me have a go?”
I had to take them to the casino and show them the machine. The father tapped his card against the machine and I had my chance. Even knowing the right zone to press the red button it was hard. I missed it the first two times but got it on the third. Five thousand dollars cash dropped into the holder.
“Yes!” I said exultantly.
“Hang on a second. You are a bit young for that much money. We need to go and see your parents. I'm sure they will let you keep it, but they probably want to put some of it into a savings account or something,” he said.
I sighed. I was going to have to tell them at least some of the truth. “Did Lisa tell you what I have been through?” I asked.
“No,” Lisa stated. “What you said to me was private and you didn't give me permission to share.”
“What is she talking about?” her mum asked.
“Can we go somewhere private?” I asked.
The casino wasn't that far from their room, so we went there, the father still holding onto the money.
“OK. I didn't want to talk about my issues, but I need that money and I can see that you aren't going to let me have it without explaining why. My step-father went a step further than Lisa's uncle. He threatened my mother and me to stop me from telling anyone, so I had to run away. I have a relative in Adelaide who will shelter me, but I need to get there and the money will help me do that. I am very good at sneaking, so I crept on board.”
“You are a stowaway?” Lisa asked.
I lifted up my lanyard to show there was no card attached.
“Where have you been sleeping?” her mother asked.
“Here and there. There is a games room that tends to be unoccupied and during the day I like the nightclub. I was doing some busking to earn some money to pay for food and travel, but someone started looking for me, so I sneaked aboard the ship.”
“That is not acceptable, young lady. You can stay here, although I am not quite sure where,” her mum said looking at the lack of available space.
“She can sleep with me,” Lisa said. “Charlie is only small, we can both fit in the single bed.”
I held out my hand for my money and the father reluctantly handed it over. The thing is I could read all their emotions. The mother and daughter were appalled at both what I have been through and what I was doing at such a young age without help. They wanted to help me. The father had less of an emotional reaction. I could see him justifying handing me in as the right thing to do. Then he could keep the five thousand. I was pretty sure that at some point he was going to suggest putting the money in the safe and I would never see it again.
I said I had to go and gather my things and agreed to meet them at the buffet restaurant. As soon as I was out of sight, I pulled my energy in and ran away. The good news, I now had enough money. The bad news I was pretty sure he was going to report me.
At first, I thought I would just find somewhere to hide the money, but there really wasn't anywhere safe and if he reported me to the crew, would I be placed somewhere I couldn't escape from? It was a frightening thought. I would probably find it difficult to hide from the family for the rest of the cruise, especially after I had revealed my favourite sleeping places. If I could just stay away from them for one night, I could get off the ship the next day as we were docking at Noumea, New Caledonia. Then I could stay there until the next cruise ship and then get on board that one.
I hid from them for the rest of that day and slept outside in a covered cabana in my sleeping bag. At least the weather was warm. I did think about telling Lisa that her dad seemed a little too concerned with the money, but I didn't want to affect her relationship just because of the emotions I sensed. Just because someone feels a particular emotion, that doesn't mean they are going to act on it. Still, I couldn't risk it. I knew greed was a powerful emotion.
I pulled my emotions in and walked off the ship with no one the wiser.
I had thought that I had done the hard work so staying on Noumea would be easy. I mean I had five thousand dollars, a sleeping bag, mattress and tent, but there were a couple of factors I hadn't counted on. Everyone spoke French with only some people speaking English and more importantly, they had their own currency.
If I was an adult, changing the money would have been easy, going to a hotel or a restaurant, child's play, but since I wasn't, I struggled for the week that I was there. My violin came to my rescue, earning me enough to cover buying food. I had to use my vanishing act when someone took too much notice of me and I camped in the wilderness. I would periodically have a swim in the ocean to keep myself somewhat clean. I was very grateful when the next cruise ship appeared. I waited until others were boarding and then joined them.
It was a different ship, but with similar features. I was able to get myself clean using a public shower and I explored to find the hidden spaces I could go to find peace and quiet for sleeping. Most of my clothes were dirty and I didn't really have any place to wash them, so I visited the ship shops and bought some new dresses and underwear.
The rest of my journey back to Sydney was uneventful, but I did come up with a plan. I wanted an adult that I could trust to help me. I decided that I was going to look amongst the homeless for a man or woman whose soul shone with goodness. If they were damaged I would heal them, but I needed to find a protector, someone who knew the difference between right and wrong, who always took the right path. A hero or heroine.
That was how I found Michael, a diamond in the rough. He was suffering, oh how he was suffering, but only because his main drive was to protect others. It was such a core part of him and his identity that when he felt he was a danger to others his whole world collapsed. He was a true hero although he would never admit it. His soul couldn't lie, it shone with greatness.
Healing him and giving the world back one of its heroes gave me such satisfaction that I knew I wanted to do it again. A new path opened up in front of me. A spiritual healer. I told Michael everything, holding nothing back.
With an adult and money, my journey to Adelaide was laughably easy. There was a slight delay while Michael got his life back together which included a trip to the American Embassy. I bought him a phone and a sim card that he used to make some phone calls. I was mostly in my hotel room while he was sorting himself out. Once he had organised his circumstances, we bought a ticket for the train and since I was a child I was free. It included a place to sleep. Twenty-four hours later we arrived in Adelaide.
Chapter 7
I was second-guessing myself coming up to my mother's house. Was I an eighteen-year-old man or an eleven-year-old girl? Was I merely a caretaker for this body? Was Cindy ever going to return or was this my second chance at life? I had all my memories of Eric and none of Cindy, but this body was clearly a young girl's body.
That last was a bit scary, but the longer I sensed no sign of Cindy the stronger the possibility felt. Only scary in the thought that I had no idea how to be a girl. At that point, I was living in the body and telling myself that I needed to do the best job I could for Cindy. Facing a future with the possibility of periods, pregnancy and childbirth didn't bear thinking about, so I was using avoidance, but without any evidence that Cindy was still on this plane, I was beginning to suspect this body could be considered mine.
From a sexuality point of view, the eighteen-year-old man that I was, was very much into ladies, but the eleven-year-old girl was not interested in either sex. I found myself admiring beautiful women, but not getting that rush of lust that I had as a man. The idea of being with a man still felt wrong and alien, but this body I was now in might have different ideas.
Whenever my mind shifted in such uncomfortable directions, initially, I put it off by telling myself that it was Cindy's body and it would be up to her what she did with it. My job would be to support her as best as I could. With her continued absence and the slowly dawning realisation that this might be my new body, I tried to put a positive spin on it, which was, it was better than dying. How many people got such a fantastic opportunity as a second chance at life?
I knew I wasn't Eric anymore. I had noticed that my mind didn't think quite the same. To be honest, I think this new body was far more intelligent than my old one, but far more emotional as well. The level of fear I had felt so far was frightening. I could still think logically, but for some reason trusted my gut more than my reasoning. My thoughts tended to stray in different directions. I cared about how I looked and how people perceived me. As Eric, I wanted to be attractive to women, but otherwise didn't care, as Charlie, I wanted to be pretty and cute.
Michael was standing behind me when we approached my old house door. My mother's car was in the driveway, so I knew she still lived here and wasn't at work. It was nearly six in the evening and mum usually was home by now. With Michael behind me, I couldn't put this off, although my emotions were going crazy and I was struggling to cope. I knocked on the door nervously. A quick glance at Michael got me an encouraging smile.
My mum opened the door with a gentle questioning smile on her face. The love I felt for her rushed through me and I reacted.
“Mum!” I said moving into her arms. Her arms automatically opened for me and I burst into tears hugging her.
After giving me a good hug she laughed nervously. “I'm sorry dear, I'm pretty sure you have the wrong person.”
I got my crying under control, but I was still sniffing. “You might be surprised,” I muttered. I lifted up my T-shirt and my bra to show her my chest scar. “You are the mother of my heart,” I told her.
She gasped. “You have Eric's heart,” she sobbed, her hand going to her mouth.
“Can we come in?” I asked.
She clutched me to her breast and started crying, which got me crying again. Eventually, we got ourselves together and withdrew to the lounge. I introduced Michael as a friend.
“How did you find me? I wasn't allowed any information on the person who received his heart,” mum asked.
“Have you heard any stories about people with transplants having memories that seemed to come from their transplanted organs?” I asked.
“You have memories of me?” mum asked incredulously.
“I remember everything.” I sighed. “It's a long story and not a very pleasant one, but, at least for the moment, I suppose you could say I am Eric in Cindy's body.”
“Eric?” she asked trying to peer into my soul.
I touched her energy with mine and said confidently, “mum,” with tears in my eyes again.
We were sitting on sofa's, but different ones, but feeling the truth to my words and story, she opened her arms again and I rushed back into them.
“Do you want me to tell you my story or should we wait for Kate?” I asked.
“I have missed you so much,” mum said, kissing my head. “Kate is with Beth, but I will text her to come home.”
When Kate came home, mum didn't explain other than to say that she needed to hear my story. I touched them both with my energy so they would know I was telling the truth. Like Michael, I told them everything, the only thing I downplayed was my meeting with Michael. His history was personal and not for me to share. I just said I convinced Michael to help me.
Although they believed me, they still needed some kind of reassurance, so I played the violin, told them some of my memories, showed them my ability to disappear and shared hugs and kisses.
Michael wasn't shy and spoke of his history as a warrior and the resultant PTSD which had resulted in his trip to Australia and eventual homelessness. He painted me in a very positive light. He admitted that I had given him two thousand dollars that he intended to pay back. He needed to sort some stuff out but would be in touch, then he left, knowing that I was in good hands.
I had spoken to Michael about his healing and he had some friends that he wanted me to help, so I knew at least part of his task was going to be contacting his colleagues in America and either bringing them here or working out how I could go there. I didn't have a passport, birth certificate or even knowledge of my full name and birthday.
Chapter 8
I was a bit surprised by Michael leaving so quickly, but now that I had another adult to take care of me, I could see why he didn't feel the need to be present. To be honest, I was a little hurt by his abrupt departure, feeling a little bit abandoned. It was only later that I understood what it was he did in his time away from me, although he never admitted it. It also taught me that a hero did what was right rather than what was legal.
He didn't want to trouble my conscience with his actions, but after other conversations with him about other actions that came later, I worked out that if he knew evil was being done, and without his actions would continue to be done, he felt obligated to take action.
In the week he was away from me, my step-father mysteriously disappeared.
During that week I also learnt that my problems weren't over just because I now had an adult who cared about me. I had the potential to be a financial burden on my mother, but I had some plans that could help us in the long run. Neither my mother or my sister cared about that and I felt very welcomed and loved by them both. However, legally, I was still in hot water. If my mother admitted that I was present then I would be returned to the family that didn't care about me and had both abused me and allowed that abuse to continue.
In the short term, I was pretending to be a visiting cousin. My ability to hide would help as a young child not going to school would raise questions, but spending the next seven years doing that wasn't really a solution. I believed my ability to heal those whose soul had been damaged and project my emotions onto people, could be used both to help people and earn money. Michael had said that he was going to contact some people that would need my help and I couldn't think of another way without raising suspicion. I wanted to go to the women's shelter as I had no doubt that I would have lots of potential patients, even if they couldn't afford to pay. I just couldn't think of a plausible excuse for an eleven-year-old to go there and stay for long periods of time.
Mum still went to work and Kate was still going to school so I had much of the day to myself. Kate gave me a yoga workout DVD and mum asked me to do a bit of housework, but that still left me with too much time. I practised my violin, reaching out with my emotional sense and stretching my soul energy. I felt my special senses were getting stronger with all the practise I had been doing. While I was on my own I spent large periods of time with my energy pulled in and that took effort. Like a muscle my ability to use it was getting stronger with use.
In the evenings we spent some family time together. Kate took it upon herself to teach me all the things she felt a young girl should know, even giving me magazines to read as homework. Using my emotional sense and touching her with my energy I was able to get her to open up with all the things that were bothering her. Mostly it was petty stuff like Beth said this or Ruby did that and it hurt her emotionally and just talking about it was enough to lessen the intensity that she was feeling.
I think we are all emotional creatures, especially women and those emotions spike our soul energy. Such spikes seem to settle on their own if they are allowed to discharge properly, but like a sore spot, we want to keep prodding it to check it is still there, keeping that spike active. Sometimes I felt all I needed to do was get her to talk about it, but if it was really strong, she needed to distract herself until she had calmed down and then we could discuss it more rationally. Or I could cheat and use my energy to direct hers. Kate was my willing experiment. Mostly she preferred it when I could just get her to talk about it and put it in context, but if it was too sore, she appreciated my direct intervention.
Kate didn't have any of the damaged soul symptoms that I had seen on Michael, but there were areas of her aura vibrating with negative emotions that had no bearing on her present and when I healed them Kate sometimes got flashes of the possible cause in her past or just the emotion. I also managed to treat her spider phobia, although that required me to treat her while there was a spider present which left us both emotionally drained from the experience.
Kate was fascinated by it all and wanted me to teach her to do the same things. I tried various strategies and had no success with the emotional sense. I tried putting her in as much sensory deprivation as possible and then projecting emotions that she would report and then reduced the intensity. As soon as I stopped projecting she couldn't sense a thing.
Our energy sense experiments went much better. If I poked her aura she could feel it. Initially, I had to use quite a lot of force, but we were able to train her so that she could feel much lighter touches. We had a bit of a breakthrough when I managed to compress her outer energy towards her body. She noticed I was touching her and when I let go she felt her energy expand. It took a lot of energy on my part so I couldn't do it frequently, but eventually, Kate was able to bring her energy in a little bit on her own and then release it.
We also did some trials with my invisibility ability. First of all, we checked whether I affected cameras and that was a complete bust. Video or camera could see me just fine regardless of what I was doing with my energy. The next question was, did it matter what I was wearing? Yes and no. Even knowing I was there it was hard to see me when I pulled my energy in, but it was possible if I was wearing clothes that contained metal. We checked with wood and plastic and both of those stayed unseeable, but metal zips or belt buckles could sometimes be seen, if you knew what to look for. If I held something away from my body it still couldn't be seen, unless it was metal and that was when anything metal really stood out. If the metal was covered by my hand it disappeared and the same if it was behind me. Likewise, Kate could hide behind me and also be invisible, but only if she couched down so that she was completely behind me. If any part of her stuck out, she was seen.
Mum didn't want me to treat her at all, so I left her alone despite the aura shouting for help. From what I could tell she didn't have holes in her energy so I didn't think she was damaged, just lots of negative emotions that she was holding on to. The thing is, despite everything that Eric's father did to hurt her, I think she still loved him and felt letting go of all the emotions he caused would push her to let go of her love for him. I'm pretty sure the only reason she left him was because he hit me and that she couldn't take.
It was frustrating. I wanted to heal her and help her get on with her life. As far as I was aware she hadn't dated anyone since Eric's father and didn't seem to want to make any efforts in that direction. But... it was her life, her journey and even if I wasn't now an eleven-year-old girl, having the power to act didn't give me the right to interfere.
It was an interesting moral question. On Michael, I felt compelled to act and do my best to heal his damage. There were others who had filled their damaged energy with this evil energy and those I left alone. I could project emotions at them, but I knew from trying to work on my step-father that trying that had limited success. My presumption was that people had their soul damaged at some point in their life and then either lived with it, healed it or invited evil in.
I decided that getting permission to treat was preferable, but I would try and do the right thing and not limit myself to hard rules. I wondered if I had met my step-father when he had a damaged soul before the evil came in, would I have been morally right to treat him, whether he wanted me to or not. My mum not wanting to be treated showed me that people sometimes didn't want to be healed, they felt some comfort in wallowing in their pain.
Morally I felt that was their choice as long as it wasn't going to hurt others and that was the difficult question. In hindsight, it was easy to see those who should have been treated, but that was not the world I lived in.
Chapter 9
The treatment that I was experimenting with Kate didn't turn out to be only one way. Talking about your problems wasn't always helpful, sometimes it seemed to even make the problem worse, but I found if you combined talking about your feelings with dealing with them more logically, often finding the unexpected emotion that was behind the one you thought you were dealing with, you could cause the spike to settle or the past emotional hurt to lose its intensity.
To make that happen in Kate's case, it helped if I projected peace as she was talking about something that hurt her emotionally. At my inner core, underneath all my layers was a deep peacefulness and I found tapping into it and projecting it to others relatively easy. If I projected peace, Kate became more thoughtful about what she was saying and naturally delved deeper, getting insights that helped her deal with her emotions. For example, she talked about a cutting remark that one girl had said, but with under my influence, instead of getting angry and hurt, she started asking why that girl felt the need to strike out at others. The underlying insecurity that girl must have been feeling, even feeling sorry for that other girl while Kate's own emotional hurt just faded away. Once we had worked out the best methods for easing Kate's emotional issues, we started working on mine.
I didn't feel much emotional trauma from my death, but the attacks from my step-father, even if they were at Cindy rather than me, they still left me with an underlying fear of men. I wasn't raped, but my body was and again that left its marks. I talked it all out with Kate and between her hugs and tapping into my inner peace, reduced the hurt to a more manageable level. We also dealt with my insecurities about being female. Kate pushed me to explore femininity and even suggested that I explore my body, find out what I liked and didn't like. It wasn't about sex or sexuality, but acknowledging that I was now female, dealing with it, accepting it and hopefully, start to enjoy it. It was very freeing with a lot less restrictions than I had as a male. Kate's main mantra was if I enjoyed something, I should be honest with myself and others, that way I would get more of what I enjoyed.
My previous ambition, as Eric, was to become a concert violinist. Now, I wanted to be a psychologist. I thought I could use my insights to develop a whole new school that utilises the best parts of other psychologist techniques that I could visibly see working. If I could teach my energy techniques, maybe I could incorporate my special abilities into the therapy.
I didn't think of my invisibility ability and teaching that aspect until there was an incident that was being reported on the news. A father of a three-year-old baby girl whose mother had successfully claimed full custody and was intending to take her child permanently to England to live with her and her new man. That father had gotten desperate and kidnapped the child from school and there was now a hostage situation, with the father threatening to kill the child.
My mum was still at work and Kate was at school, but the house they were talking about was within walking distance, so after an internal debate, decided to leave a note and quickly head there. The closer I got the more obvious the location was with police and media surrounding the area. I pulled my energy in and walked to the back of the house. All the blinds and curtains were obscuring the interior, but there was a doggy door into the kitchen. Using my emotional sense I knew that he wasn't anywhere near the kitchen so I eased myself inside. The doggy door wasn't that big, but I was tiny so it wasn't difficult. What I saw in the living room brought me close to tears. The little girl was huddled in the corner while the father was pacing with a phone in his hand.
I tried to project peacefulness onto him, but I felt him reject it. For whatever reason, he wanted to be angry. Giving up on him I turned to the girl who was vibrating with terror. I moved to her, stroked her hair and projected my peace again. She stopped crying and fell asleep. I picked her up being careful to fully shield her body with mine. She woke up with my manoeuvre but didn't complain. Keeping my back to the emotional hotbed of anger that was her father, I walked calmly to the kitchen and again shielded her as she went through the doggy door with my urging. I followed her through and led her away. We hadn't gone very far before a media woman started calling out. I told the girl to run to the lady as I walked away as quickly as possible.
A flawless operation it was not. I didn't consider the number of recording devices that were aimed at that house. Having said that, I am not sure I would have done anything differently. The cameraman for the media lady that I directed the girl towards must of captured me on film, but the media have restrictions. It was the bystanders who caught me on film and uploaded the clip to youtube that was the problem. The video went viral.
The father, without his hostage, gave himself up. I was worried that he would kill himself and was relieved to hear the better outcome of my intervention.
I hadn't got out much so I didn't think my appearance was well known, but I couldn't go shopping with Kate and mum while being invisible, so there was a trail that would eventually lead back to mum's house. I kept an eye on the news, so when they described me as a runaway from Sydney, I knew they had matched my picture to my real identity. I packed my clothes and travelling gear into my backpack and dry bag, including my violin and the five hundred dollars that I had left.
Mum and Kate had come home and I explained what had happened. We watched the news together to check the fallout. They had a cute picture of the girl in her mother's arms. The girl called me her angel, which gave me a warm feeling. My mum was proud of me and scared for me. We didn't know what to do, but doing nothing was not a good idea, so we phoned Michael.
Michael explained that he was too far away to immediately help, but he would be on his way. He needed to make a call and then call us back. He had contacted someone he knew in the USA who needed my help. He was suffering PTSD quite badly and under Michael's recommendation had already flown to Adelaide, but was waiting for Michael to introduce him to me. He was staying at a hotel in the city and had now been advised about what had happened. He was there with his wife and daughter and after discussing everything, they suggested I stay with them for the next few days. Michael told us that he hadn't told them about my ability to go unnoticed since he didn't think he would be believed, so I had to turn up in a hoodie and keep my face completely covered.
He assured us that he was working on something that would allow my mum and Kate to be with me, but he needed more time. His phone call made me realise that he hadn't abandoned me and had taken on the role as my protector. His calm confident voice went a long way to make us all feel better but leaving mum and Kate was still hard and emotional. I didn't like hoodies so I had to borrow one of Kate's.
Walking away from mum's house, pretending to be strong for them, only lasted until I knew they were out of sight. I broke down sobbing, sitting with my back against a brick wall with roses blooming above my head. When I managed to get myself together, I made my way to the bus station and eventually to the Hilton. I sent a text message to Byron, who came down in the lift to meet me. It was only when he couldn't find me that I remembered to let my energy out and headed towards him.
My Digital Life
Photo by Denys Argyriou on Unsplash
Available on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07VT3GMYM
My Digital Life ©2019 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited. This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental.
Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone. This is only a story, and it contains a few swear words and mentions genitalia. There are sex scenes but care has been taken to imply rather than describe with very little details involved. If this is likely to offend, then please don’t read it.
Chapter 1
I sat in what was obviously an interrogation room, staring at my fingers. I was pretty sure that what I was experiencing was real life, despite the silver or light grey colouration of my skin. I was moving my elegant hands marvelling at the realism. Truthfully, I couldn't tell from sensation the difference between my digital life and my real one.
I had already been over my story twice and when you have a perfect memory, such repetition is extremely boring and yet, despite the knowledge that they had recorded both of my previous explanations, I knew I was about to tell it again for the third time. I wasn't restrained although I knew there was no chance of me just getting up and walking out.
I sighed, gathering my patience, I had chosen this route and guessed that I would have to go through something like this. I smirked to myself replaying my reception when I had landed in Times Square in a flying saucer. I wanted to make sure the world knew I was here so that I couldn't be disappeared easily. I also wanted to be able to use my spacecraft to explore without causing anyone high blood pressure or precipitating world war three.
I couldn't help looking towards the door as I sensed someone about to open it. In walked a well-dressed gentleman with a younger woman by his side, probably his personal assistant. At least this one didn't give me a feeling of restrained violence. I'm pretty sure my first two interrogators were military.
“Hello, Alex,” he said extending his hand for a handshake.
I smiled gently and shook both their hands.
“I'm Felix and this is Kate. I am on the president's staff and have been tasked with reporting your tale so that he can address the world and hopefully put everyone's mind at ease. Kate here is going to record your story to make sure I don't miss anything important,” he said with a hint of humility as if to show a gentle human side to the situation.
“What would you like to know?” I asked.
“Everything. Start at the beginning and tell me everything you remember,” he responded.
“I have perfect memory, if I told you everything this would take two years. How about I do my best to sum up and if you want more information about anything, you just ask me?”
He frowned in thought. “OK.” He turned to Katie. “Feel free to ask as well,” then he turned back to me and gestured for me to start.
My adventure began when I was taking my sister to visit some vineyards in South Australia. I was fifty-three years old and my sister was forty-eight. My wife divorced me five years previously and we had never managed to have any children. My sister, on the other hand, was happily married with three children. Her youngest was eighteen, so she had finally managed to find the time to come and visit me. She lived in England so we rarely saw each other and treasured those few times when we could.
I was the driver so left the tasting to her, but we had brought a picnic and were going to have a lovely day. It was a Wednesday, so the roads were relatively deserted and there were few others about.
The next bit is a bit fuzzy. I remember we were driving down a dirt road, following a signpost, with fields of vines on either side. My radio cut out and the car engine died. We both looked at each other, puzzled. The next thing I remember is being in an all-white room with a screen in front of me. On the screen were different languages and even different alphabets. I recognised the word English, so I tried to touch it only to realise I either didn't have any hands or they were restrained. That made me notice that I couldn't move my head or feel any part of myself.
At that point, I felt I should be panicking, but my mind remained calm and logical. The only thing I could do was see the screen. I concentrated on the word 'English' and mentally clicked it. Like flipping a page the screen filled with words with a 'next' on the bottom right.
I was hoping it would explain what had happened to me and it did, eventually. First, there was a long-arsed explanation starting with how technology advancement results in more leisure time. Different alien species want to use that leisure time in different ways. Exploring the galaxy was possible using artificially created wormholes. However, the energy required for these wormholes increases exponentially with size and no living matter survives passing through them. Instead, they send small machines through. Those machines use available resources from asteroids or whatever to create bigger machines including spaceships and androids. The androids can be run by computer programs or remote operators.
Earth had been under observation for some time. The Pishae are a humanoid race similar to upright cats and they bought the information from the exploring race. The Pishae are a matriarchal society where the females group together in prides and the males fight for a brief appearance at mating time. They had already developed a very realistic virtual reality to try and help the males deal with their fighting instincts. In reality, only the top one per cent of males fertilize the females so virtual reality was originally developed to relieve their sexual tension, which leads to a happier more relaxed male.
About ten years ago they learned about humanities MMORPG or massively multiplayer online role-playing games. There has also been a lot of literature about combining these games with virtual reality, so the Pishae created their own version. They based it off the human versions but felt it lacked something, so they began a program of picking up humans and digitising them so that they can be inserted into the game called Earth 2.0.
They wanted to motivate these human players so they told them that their human bodies had died in the digitising process, but they could be provided with a new body and returned to Earth if they can raise enough funds in the game.
Felix interrupted me then. “And that is what you have done? Are you the only one who has returned?”
“They said I was the first, but then they lied about the digitising process so I can't be sure. I firmly believed that my body had died. I didn't really care about returning myself, but my sister was leaving behind a loving family, so I wanted to help her return. I raised enough for both of us to return, but when they revealed that our original body was unharmed and probably unaware anything had happened, my sister had no desire to return. That could be true for others, I don't know.
“It is a lot of money to raise, about 880,000 gold, and they make it quite difficult, so I wouldn't be surprised if I was the only one. In the game, there are NPC's controlled by the AI, human players, Pishae players and HPC's. The human players pay for their 'turn on the wheel of life' as they called it, by first playing an acting role which is called HPC. The AI controller called 'Zeus' gives you a list of acting roles and you pick one. When that life is over, provided you didn't misbehave, you can create your own character, but it doesn't re-spawn. If you die, you have to play another HPC before you get another turn. The money you get in any of your lives is reset when you start a new one.”
“How did you manage it then?” Kate asked.
Having got to the end of the text, I know knew what had happened to me. I had been digitised and sent to an alien planet so that I could play a VRMMORPG. I didn't really have a lot of choices, I had to play the game and do it well enough so that I could save enough money to get my sister back to Earth.
Chapter 2
At the bottom of the last screen of text was the word 'finish' so I mentally clicked that. As soon as I did, a fairy with butterfly wings, pink dress and cute little wand poked her head over the screen.
“Finally, now we can get on with the good stuff,” she said with exasperation.
“OK,” I said, wondering how I could talk when I didn't seem to have a body.
“I am your helper fairy. I can help guide you through your searches and when you are in the game you can send me any questions you might have or report anything you think is unfair and I will take it up with Zeus. I warn you though, changes are rarely acted upon retroactively, you will just help the next player in the same situation.”
“Er..., helper fairy, is there a guide or something to clue me in on Earth 2.0.”
“Yes there is a general guide and there is even a wiki that you can use to look up both now and when you are in game. Players can add additional information to wiki and gain experience by doing so. My name is whatever you want to call me, just don't call me Tink or Tinkabelle, although I don't mind Belle and I am beautiful,” she finished with a smile.
“Belle it is then. Belle, how do I access the guide?”
She tapped her wand on the screen and new text appeared. It was a basic guide and didn't presume previous knowledge which was fortunate since I was aware of what an MMORPG was, but had never played in one. First, you chose a race and there were quite a few possibilities but the main ones were Human, Elf, Dwarf, Gnome, various animal-human hybrids and Pishae. The Pishae race was unavailable to non-Pishae. There were so-called evil races such as Goblins, Orcs, Drow and others, but all the evil-aligned races were greyed out. At the time, I presumed that meant players were unable to play those races, but I learned later it just meant that I was not allowed to play those races. All races started with five points in each characteristic with five per characteristic to spend on your initial character. There were racial modifiers which affected your main characteristics and racial abilities. For every plus, there was a minus making a decision between the races difficult.
The characteristics were, Strength which affected how much damage was dealt, Agility for how quickly you moved which affected your ability to dodge an attack or make a parry, Dexterity which affected the accuracy of your blows or ranged weapons, Constitution which was your health barometer and determined your hit point count, Intelligence which translated to mana score, Wisdom which determined how quickly your mana regenerated and lastly, Charisma which mainly affected how easily charmed you were or how well your charm worked on others. Charisma seemed to have some elements of luck involved in that a high Charisma helped your chances of succeeding with everything. Increased chance of raising your reputation or help it to start from a high point, increased chance of good loot and even increased chance of getting uncommon quests.
Magic was divided into six main elements, Earth, Air, Fire, Water, Light and Dark. There were then subsections, under the main ones, such as Metal that was under Earth. When you created your character you had 100 points to spend in one or more of the main groups. The more aligned you were with an element the less mana you spent casting those spells and if you had no alignment at all you couldn't cast them at all. So you could choose power or versatility, not both. Magic also affected your classes. Each class had class specific spells and to qualify for those you had to be 100 per cent aligned with one element. Tanks had to be aligned with Earth and Metal, damage dealers with Air, Rogues with Dark, Rangers were Earth and Nature, Mages could be any element, but Healers had to be aligned with Light. Wearing armour precluded any spells except class specific ones. You got one class-specific spell or ability every ten levels. Class specific spells couldn't be levelled like normal spells because they started at a high level. Mana costs and cooldowns were better than ordinary spells.
There is an auction house connected to your interface that allows you to buy and sell no matter where you were. To start your character off, you are given twenty gold, which you use to purchase your starting spells, weapons and clothes. There were no bags of holding but ordinary bags were available and since you could sell or buy stuff at any time, I didn't anticipate that making any difference. All purchases and sales above twenty gold were taxed at five per cent, but that only affected Pishae. As either a human player or an HPC I was exempt although any money that I possessed returned to the game company when I died, making me start from scratch every time.
Not that I got to choose any of that initially since when you are playing an HPC it is all assigned automatically. What you own, the character and class are all dependent on the position you take, even to the level you start at. You do have some choice as your character progresses, but it has to be consistent with who you are playing.
There were Gods and Goddesses, however, these were modelled on the Greek Gods. You could put money into their temples and they could bless you in one way or another, but it was random. Occasionally, they observed a heroic action and offered a blessing. Such a blessing would stay with you unless you did anything to displease them. God blessings usually increased your magical alignment points which were a significant boost to your potential.
The map of Earth 2.0 was essentially the map of Earth before the continents divided. There were cities, towns and villages, high-level areas, mid-level and starter regions. Every type of climate imaginable, dungeons everywhere, wild beasts and monsters. War specific areas with varying types of conflict and quests for exploring the unknown parts. There were two main aims of the game, one for the male Pishae and one for the female Pishae. The male one was simple. Become the strongest warrior. The female version was around creating a settlement and making it grow. Either taking over a village/town/city or starting from scratch. They could convert their version of real money into gold which allowed them to gear up well and have certain advantages but the levelling system allowed those with less money to compete. For example, powerful spells were expensive but even cheap ones could be levelled by use into powerful versions.
There were checks and balances to make sure the game was relatively fair, but humans being human, there was always a search for any loopholes that could be exploited. The game rewarded this by allowing the finder that exception and then prevented anyone else from doing the same. There was a human warrior who made a necklace by connecting thirty plus one strength rings together. He was allowed to keep it although they made it non-transferable, but the restriction of what you could wear was tightened up. When he died his necklace disappeared from circulation.
Once I thought I had absorbed the basic information it was time to work out my HPC role.
“OK, Belle, I think I am ready. How do I choose my first HPC?”
“I have a huge list so we need to narrow it down. What is it you are looking for?”
“I want to get it over with quickly, so high mortality rate, I guess,” I mused.
“Fisherman or dungeon diver,” Belle suggested.
I didn't like the sound of fisherman. “Tell me about the dungeon diver.”
“Dungeon divers join the Adventurers guild that helps adventuring parties to fill out their numbers, primarily for entering dungeons but could also be levelling up in monster rich areas. The Pishae love being warriors, so very few will volunteer to be a healer or ranged attacker and yet without those classes in their group they are much less likely to succeed. In terms of those most likely to die and that fits with your personality, I would suggest healer. Here is a list of characters that you can become,” Belle said, touching her wand to my screen again.
I looked down the list and then looked back at Belle.
“All these characters are female.”
“Of course they are. With the Gender modifier it only makes sense for girls to become healers,” she responded.
“Gender modifier?”
She tapped the screen.
Male Gender Modifier
Strength x1.2
Agility x1.2
Dexterity x0.9
Constitution x1.2
Intelligence x0.8
Wisdom x0.8
Charisma x0.8
Female Gender Modifier
Strength x0.8
Agility x0.8
Dexterity x1.1
Constitution x0.8
Intelligence x1.2
Wisdom x1.2
Charisma x1.2
“I, err..., don't remember anything like that on the Earth games that I heard about,” I commented.
“There wasn't, but that was quite silly. The average man is obviously bigger and stronger than the average woman. Your world had something called political correctness which I understand to mean lying for kindness sake. It was also male dominated so it doesn't surprise me that women's intelligence was disparaged. Women were considered bad drivers until insurance companies got involved with the facts. We have assessed your world and these are the numbers that we have come up with. I know there are women who are stronger than the average man as there are men who are more intelligent, but they are not the average.”
“So, all the healers are female?” I asked for confirmation.
“Healing relies on mana, so your most important scores are going to be Intelligence and Wisdom. Women will have more of both and that will continue as the character progresses. You are fortunate that your personality allows you to play either gender.”
The Legal Stuff: My UEI (Unknown Entity Intervention) ©2018 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
Chapter 1
I blinked, trying to get my mind to focus. I blinked again trying to get some information to clear up my confusion. In front of me was a coach seat, so I was obviously sitting on a bus. The fog in my mind cleared a bit. The last thing I remembered was travelling with Jen to a French ski resort. I think I had fallen asleep and had a nightmare. I remember dreaming that the bus hit something in the road and drove off the cliff. Weird.
I looked to my left expecting to see Jen, instead I could see a stranger who was looking as confused as me. The bus was stationary, but we weren't at the resort. My eyes caught the eyes of the man sitting next to me.
“You alright, Rich?” he asked me.
“Who's Rich?” I replied and noticed my voice was all wrong. It was a lot higher in pitch. I started looking at the rest of what I could see with my confusion growing by the second. My hands were pretty hairless, small and delicate and I was wearing a leather jacket that I did not own.
“Oh Yeah!” I heard from someone sitting behind me.
I turned to look at him and to my shock saw my face looking back at me. “What the fuck.” I said, disconcerted again by my different voice.
“Richard, don't use that language.” The man next to me said, speaking sternly.
“Hey dad, he is not Richard. I am.” The person in my body replied. “Pretty cool, huh.”
Trying to be polite I held out my hand towards the man next to me. “Nice to met you, my name is Dillan.”
“Is this some kind of a joke?” he asked.
“Don't be rude, dad. Shake his hand. This is way better than a joke, this is a miracle.” Richard replied.
Awkwardly the man shook my hand. “I'm Peter.” he said uncertainly.
“Lets swap places.” I suggested to Richard.
“OK.”
I stood up to get around Peter. I was significantly shorter and generally smaller. “How old are you?” I asked Richard as we passed each other.
“I was fifteen. You'll have to tell me how old I am now.”
“Eighteen.”
“Old enough to drink, sweet! Oh, by the way, we need to talk before you go to the bathroom.”
“What?”
“You convince your girl here who you are and I will do the same to my parents, then we will talk.”
I sat myself next to Jen.
The driver at the front of the bus stood up facing us holding the microphone. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I have no idea what just happened, but we appear to be in a safe passing point. Everyone appears to be alright, so I am going to continue our journey. Please fasten your seatbelts.”
He waited about thirty seconds and then started up the engine and we were on our way again.
Jen and I looked at each other. “So you are supposed to be Dillan?”
“Yeah, pretty freaky, huh. You are still Jen aren't you, not someone who looks like my beautiful witch.”
She smiled at hearing my nickname for her. “Yes I am still Jen. How are we going to do this?”
“Just ask me questions that only I, I mean Dillan, would know.” I had known Jen since we were eight years old and had moved in next door. A year later her parents divorced and it was a nasty one. At one point her father forced the house sale and she and her mother had nowhere to live. Rather than go to a shelter we had invited her into our home.
Her mother was overqualified and struggled to get anything but the most menial of jobs and they didn't pay very well. Before she had Jen, Katie, her mother, had been a very successful business woman, working mainly in marketing. After being out of the working world at the insistence of her husband, she had struggled to get back in. According to her interviews, despite her previous success, the marketing world had changed too much with the advent of Google and Facebook which she had no experience in.
In combination with a husband who had an extremely effective lawyer, she was left relatively destitute. What little she did have ended up going to her lawyer to pay his fees. In the last few years Katie had been doing much better financially, but none of us wanted her to leave, so she paid for an extension on the family house so she and Jen had their own space. Jen and I had been really close, but it was only in the last two years that we realised that we loved each other as a couple rather than brother and sister. No one knew me better than Jen, so she was the perfect person to know this was really me.
To be honest, she knew within a few seconds, but to be sure she carried on asking questions for a good ten minutes trying to catch me out. Just for fun, since I knew Jen was really Jen, I asked her a few personal questions as well.
“So what do we do now?” She asked.
“I haven't got a clue. I feel really weird in this body. It doesn't feel right at all. I don't mean my voice and looks. Something else just feels off.”
“Off in a bad way?”
“Umm.” I thought about it. “No. Not bad or good, just different.”
“Do you think it is permanent?”
“Since we don't know what happened in the first place, I have no idea, but I think it was pretty unlikely to happen once, let alone happen again.”
We spent the next twenty minutes holding hands and not talking much, just trying to digest. When we arrived we gathered with Richard and his parents.
“So what do we do guys?” Jen asked.
“I think we have to believe this has really happened. I guess Richard, in his new body will have to stay with us and Dillan will stay with you. We have a two bedroom suite so why don't we check in and meet there. They are going to need to swap clothes, equipment and stories.” Peter suggested.
“Stories?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Richard said with a laugh. “I can't wait to see your reaction.”
“Richard. That is not nice. Behave.” Amy, Richard's mother said. He just continued to chuckle.
I was beginning to get a sickening feeling in my stomach. One shoe had dropped and I felt like the other was about to kick me in the nuts. Everyone started sorting out our check in papers, which mostly involved Jen and Peter while the rest of us sat waiting nervously. Once we both had our keys and directions we travelled on mass to Jen and my room to drop off her suitcase and then continued on to their suite. Their room had a small lounge with a fridge and a sink in it. They took their suitcases to their room leaving my suitcase and Richards in the hallway.
I opened my suitcase and started pulling out all my other gear, like my toothbrush and all my electrical items. Richard just sat on the lounge.
“Aren't you going to go through your suitcase?” I asked him.
“Mum packed most of it, especially the clothes. She can unpack it.” He said and switched the TV on.
His parents were obviously discussing something in the bedroom, but it wasn't loud enough for me to work it out, so I shrugged my shoulders at Jen and we sat together on the other sofa.
After a few minutes Peter and Amy came out holding hands. “Richard. Turn the TV off, we need to talk.” Peter said and then pulled a couple of chairs across so that we could all sit together in the small lounge.
This was going to be bad. I just knew it. I was practically shaking. I was wondering if I was terminally ill. Cancer was all I could think it was, but I didn't want to say anything, so I held Jen's hand tightly.
“I'm not quite sure how to say this.” Peter said.
“Let me give this a go.” Richard interjected. “Are you a boy or a girl?” he asked me.
“Err.. I am a boy.” I was wondering if this was a trick question, but I couldn't see what he was getting at.
“So am I, and I always have been, the thing is, my body didn't agree with me.”
“What. I don't get it.”
“Up until that miracle on the bus, I have been labelled as transgender. A boy born in a girls body. Your body is classified as female. My passport, sorry, your passport says you are female. On the plus side you only have to wait a few months before you turn sixteen and can start taking testosterone. You will have to wait a couple more years before you can have surgery, but that is nothing, I have been waiting since I was five.”
My hands instinctively went between my legs and found.....nothing. I then brought them up to check my chest.
“Your body has been taking hormone blockers since you were eight. Mum is not small in the breast department and I was horrified that I would follow her.” Richard continued.
I think my mind was in overload and was following automatically, reacting to suggestion, so I couldn't stop myself from looking at Amy's chest, which looked reasonable, but nothing excessive.
She saw me looking and smiled at me sadly. “I had breast reduction surgery two years ago, my back was killing me.” She responded without prompting.
“Right I think that is enough.” Jen stated strongly, now holding me tightly. “We are going back to our room, if you could kindly bring some clothing that will fit and these items that are Dillan's, we would be grateful.” With that she stood up and then helped me up. She led and I followed. I don't think I was capable of anything else. If anyone said anything else it didn't register, my mind was officially blown.
“What am I going to do?” I whispered to her as we closed our door behind us.
She took a deep breath. “You are going to keep breathing, deep even breaths. Concentrate on one thing at a time and we will figure this out. There is a lot to process and research, but it doesn't have to be done at once. We have a holiday ahead of us. Let's enjoy it as best we can and let our brains filter this overload a bit at a time. I would say you need counselling, but I'm not sure anyone else should know about this. What happened on that bus was pretty freaky and I am already worried that we are all going to end up in someone's lab. Add in your experience and I am really worried about other people knowing about it.”
My protective instincts for Jen switched on. “I'll manage. Besides, how lucky am I that I need counselling and my beautiful witch has already been accepted into Cambridge to study Psychology.”
“Only if I get the right grades.” She replied. “And besides, that hardly qualifies me for this, as interesting as it is.”
“More qualified than virtually anybody else.”
“My interest was in relationships. The whole transgender subject is a completely different field.” I think she realised now was not the time to downplay her strengths since I was going to really need her help. “But I do have the right background reading, so together, we should be able to thoroughly investigate this.”
“In your professional opinion, what should I do now?” I asked her honestly.
“Take your leather jacket off and your shoes, then come to bed for a cuddle. If you are not in shock then you probably should be. I feel in shock and it didn't even happen to me. You need to be distracted for a few days. We will learn to ski together, enjoy ourselves as much as possible, thinking about it as little as possible and then do some research in the evenings and just let the information sink in. Shit. I think we messed up. We need to know if you are allergic to anything. They need to know about your penicillin allergy.”
“They have to come here anyway to deliver my clothes, I mean his clothes, err.... is that her clothes?”
“We'll just call them Richard's clothes. Clothes that fit you anyway.” She moved around me helping me to remove my jacket and then knelt at my feet to undo these, almost military, boots. She then drew me to the double bed and gathered me in her arms. Normally I am much bigger than her and she is usually on the inside of the spoon. Now I am a bit smaller and she wrapped herself around me. Holding me tight. Emotionally, I fell apart, but her constant loving presence held me together and allowed me to fall apart in a safe environment, her arms.
I drifted into a semi-conscious state. I was vaguely aware that someone knocked on the door and Jen got up and spoke to someone. Then she was cuddled around me again and all was right with the world.
Chapter 2
My memory of that night was pretty disjointed. I know Jen ordered room service and vaguely remember picking at some food, but for the life of me, I couldn't tell you what it was. I woke up with a full bladder in one of Jen's PJ's. Evidence suggested that I must of taken my clothes off and put on Jen's. My recollection about that was sadly lacking.
The clock next to the bed was showing four in the morning. My bladder was telling me that it was time to get up. I slithered out of Jen's arms and made it to the toilet. I was a bit shocked when I pulled my pants down and didn't see my normal equipment, but my biological urgency stopped me from dwelling on it. I sat down quickly and let go. I used some toilet roll to pat myself dry, not really seeing what I was doing.
I washed my hands and looked at myself in the mirror. I think I was expecting to see either an androgynous face or a vaguely masculine one. My blond hair was cut really short in a masculine style, but, other than that, I couldn't see anyway that this face could be considered anything other than beautiful and feminine. I had big blue eyes, high cheekbones, a cute nose and wide mouth with great teeth. I practised making a few faces. At least I didn't have glasses anymore.
Rather than send me into further shock, looking at my face and seeing it move as I did, helped to settle me, making me realise this face, even this body, was now me. Yesterday was the weirdest day of my life and, to be honest, I couldn't deal with it. Whether it was because of the body change, the different sex or just how tired I was after our long journey, I didn't know. Now I needed to face the music and start coping.
Initially I went back to bed. Jen was still asleep as most people should be at four in the morning, but I was too awake now. I started thinking, making plans and coming up with questions. I was too agitated to stay still and I didn't want to wake Jen, so I got up again, found a pen and paper and began writing down what I needed to do and what I needed to find out. When I had run out of my immediate musings, I got my laptop and started to sort out what I could. Then I started my research.
After a couple of hours I could feel myself getting a bit sleepy, so I shut everything down and slid back into bed. Jen murmured something and reached for me. I snuggled up to her and drifted off. I woke up some time later when Jen needed to go to the bathroom.
“How are you doing?” She asked me, when she could see that I was awake.
“Much better, thanks.”
“Do you have any questions?”
I laughed. “I have more questions than I know what to do with.”
She smiled at me. “It is good to see you in a better mood. I thought I was going to have to remind you of what you used to say to my mother when she had another job rejection.”
“Everything happens for a reason and even though it may not feel like it right now, the end result will be worth it. It was certainly true for her, but I am not sure I can hold onto that thought just yet.”
She sighed and her smile dimmed a little. “I remember asking you whether you believed that or were just saying it to make my mum feel better. It did, by the way. She told me it wasn't the words so much as the fact that you wanted to make her feel better. It taught me that caring is more important than the words we use. Anyway, you said that there was no way to know whether it was true or not, so everyone has the choice to be positive about their situation or negative and wasn't it much better to be thinking nicer thoughts.”
“I will try and be positive.”
She got back into bed and cuddled up to me. “Ask away.” she murmured to me.
“What toilet do I use?”
“Mmmm...what do you think?” I should of expected a budding psychologist to give that reply. I hoped that was not going to be the answer to all of my questions.
“Conflicting thoughts, which is why I was asking.” I said.
“Catch me up. You have obviously given this some thought.” She replied.
“I have a feeling that Richard would use the mens.”
“If Richard had and you were in the toilet, would you have objected?”
“No. Even if I knew he was transgendered, but I am not worried about my reaction, but more Neanderthal type men. From what I have read some pretty nasty stuff can happen to transgendered individuals and I am a bit worried about being surrounded by men. I think I am feeling very vulnerable. I am a lot smaller and weaker that I was. If I was attacked, I wouldn't know how to defend myself.”
“Women can be pretty nasty too, but they are unlikely to get physical. Most of the abuse is likely to be verbal. I think you might be safer, at least for this trip, identifying yourself as female and using the ladies.” Jen said thoughtfully.
“What do you mean identifying myself as female?”
“Well you can't go to the ladies and call yourself Dillan or Richard. The clothes and hair people can overlook. Women have such a wide spectrum to express themselves so dressing a bit butch and wearing no makeup would be a lifestyle choice, but not a disqualification to being a woman.”
“What should I call myself then?”
“I had to give your passport to Peter to keep for Richard and he gave me Richard's passport. It says your name is Sophia.”
“That brings up my next question. After our week's holiday, am I going to have to go back with them?”
“Good question. Give yourself a few days to let your mind settle, then we will need to have a meeting with them. I have promised to keep them updated with your progress. They were a bit worried after your zone out yesterday. Alright Soph?” She said, trying my name out for the first time.
I turned in the bed to face her. “What about us?” I asked quietly.
She reached forwards and kissed me on my forehead. “I don't know. Whatever happens I will be here for you. I just don't know the details.” She could see that I wasn't satisfied with that. “Look. I love you. No if, buts or whens. I love you. The rest will sort itself out.”
The next three days were probably the most stressful of my life. All the clothes I had to wear were depressing. Richard was like Batman, he would only wear black or dark grey. The only underwear he had were boxers. To be fair that was the only underwear I had, but now boxers felt uncomfortable and going to the ladies in them just felt wrong. Learning to ski with Jen was fun, but when the evening hit, we had to research what my future held. Taking hormones and their effects on my body were fairly simple. I mean I had already been through all that. It was the corrective surgery and what the end result would be that got me down. I couldn't stop thinking about it and was getting more and more depressed. I read stories about other female to male transgender individuals and their experiences.
On the fourth morning I was staring at my hormone suppressants, ready to take them when I had what felt like a radical idea. What if I didn't take them. What if I didn't take testosterone or have any surgery. It was like a revelation. The path that I was planning was not my path. It was Richards. That didn't mean I had to wear dresses or makeup or, God forbid, high heels. Jen had already told me, women were free to express themselves however they wished. No one was going to chase me down and force me to get my ears pierced. I could if I wanted to, but the important point was, I didn't have to.
A huge weight lifted off me, telling me, my thoughts were going in the right direction. That day was a great day. I laughed, smiled and joked. We had a wonderful time and instead of researching, we went out to dinner and had a wonderful time. I explained what my thoughts were and Jen, seeing the change in me, agreed. She then suggested I take a test that would tell me were I sat on the male to female scale. I thought about it and initially agreed to take it, but then I started getting stressed about it. If the test indicated that I was more male as I expected it would, there would be pressure on me to go down Richards path and that was stressing me the hell out. At that point I realised that my decision was obvious. There was no need to take the test. I was not going to be taking testosterone or having surgery. It was not for me.
Chapter 3
The next morning we arranged to meet Richard and family that evening to try and work out our future. I stressed a bit about my relationship with Jen and whether choosing to stay female would make us sisters rather than a couple. It did make me briefly reconsider, but my internal voice was clear. The future, as always, was a mystery. At least now I was looking forward to it as a great adventure rather than dreading what was to come.
I had another great day with Jen. Several times I came close to asking about us, but chickened out each time. Originally, when I had been doing my research, she had been helping me through it, but now that my decision had been made, Jen was borrowing my laptop to do her own research. She wasn't trying to hide what she was looking at. I could see it was mostly psychology stuff and related to transgender relationships, so I was interested in what she was coming up with, but knew she would only open up about it when she was ready.
One of the times I was about to ask her, she looked me in the eyes. “Give me a bit more time.” She said.
I called her my beautiful witch because there were times when it felt like she could read my mind. I felt this was one of them and my best option was to do what she said.
We had dinner and met in their room at the agreed eight thirty pm. Richard was slouching on the sofa with a beer in hand watching sport on the TV. He obviously hadn't shaved and was working his way towards a light beard. He acknowledged us with a flick of his eyes and that was about it. Peter and Amy had already set up some chairs so we all had somewhere to sit. Jen and I took the sofa again.
“Switch it off Richard, we have a lot to discuss.”
He huffed and I could see that he contemplated arguing. In the end, he reached for the remote and turned it off. Amy sat next to Peter with a notepad and pen.
“I have been thinking about this meeting since day one. There is so much we need to sort out, but to do that, we first need to know where we are right now. We know nothing about each other and that needs to change. I thought I would go first.” He looked around to see if anyone wanted to add anything. None of us did. “Right, well, I work as an architect for a big firm in London. We live in Guildford and I commute in. Fortunately my hours are pretty flexible and I do a lot of work from home, so it is not too bad.”
“I'll go next.” Amy said. “As you can probably tell from my accent, I am American. I worked as an Air Hostess, until I met Peter and settled down. Now I do volunteer work and work mainly with transgender youths at a local shelter.”
Jen put her hand up to go next. “I'm in love with Sophia, formerly Dillan. My mother and I live with their family in Purley. I am due to take my A levels in about five months and have already been accepted into Cambridge to study Psychology, providing I get the grades. I have already checked and the University is happy if I defer for a year. I don't have much choice for the next five months, I have to study hard, but after that I want to be available to help Sophia as much as possible.”
I had to wipe my eyes a bit. “I suppose I had better talk about what was going to happen in my life. I was due to take my A levels in five months. I took Maths last year, so I only have Further Maths, Physics and Chemistry this year. I had intended to follow Jen in Cambridge setting up a flat together, working on my business while she went to Uni.”
“What is your business?” Peter asked.
“I set up a business with Jen's mum, Katie. We buy profitable websites and revamp them to make them more profitable. I also look for website ideas that I think will make money and start my own websites. We sell advertising space, e books, you name it. Nothing physical, just digital.”
“Are we talking about a bit of pocket money or is this a career path?” Amy asked.
Jen smothered a laugh. “The company made more than two hundred thousand pounds last year in revenue, with assets in the multiple millions.” She said.
There was a shocked silence. “But you are barely eighteen.” Amy whispered.
“I started when I was thirteen. My grandparents left me a nice inheritance. I offered it to Katie, who refused, so I tried to work out how to employ her and came up with an internet business. She had so many skills that were just being wasted. Since I haven't really needed the money, I have pretty much invested whatever we have earned, back into the business. I have learnt a lot along the way.”
“Does this mean I am rich?” Richard asked intently.
I shared a look with Jen. “No. I am.” I told him.
“But I am in your body now. Your identity, your bank accounts.”
“Richard, that would be wrong. You haven't earned the money, you will have to give it all back.”
“Like hell. Did you not hear what she said. We are talking about millions.”
“Richard that is not happening.” Peter said sternly. “I'm sorry about this.” He said turning to us.
“I am eighteen, you can't tell me what to do anymore. And I am sorry, but I want to keep that money.”
“It is just as well that this week you decided to give it all to Jen.” I interjected.
“No I didn't.” Richard replied.
“That is strange, since you logged onto your bank and transferred the money into her accounts and sold your half of the business to her. It has got your signature and everything.”
“What! You bastard.” He turned to Jen. “Well, you can put it back.”
“I think I will use your words. Like hell. It was the first thing Sophia did. I thought it was not necessary, but she is not as trusting. She knows I will never betray her.”
The look on Richards face was ugly and it went from angry to sullen.
“I am sorry for my son. I thought we had brought him up better than that. I think I had better talk about his circumstances and intended future.” Peter said. “We moved about four years ago so that Richard could enter school as a boy. Everyone only knows him as a boy. When he turned sixteen he was going to start testosterone and his surgery was due when he turned eighteen. I don't think he has worked out what he wants to do career wise. OK, here are the issues as I see them. We have got one week more of skiing and then Richard is supposed to go back to school.”
I raised my hand to interrupt him. “Err...you may have, but Dillan and Jen only booked a weeks holiday. We are due to go back the day after tomorrow.”
“I didn't even think that we could be here for different amounts of time.” Peter sighed. “You realise that you are going to need to stay with us. Theoretically you are only fifteen. By the way, what do we call you, Dillan or Sophia.”
I took a deep breath. “Sophia, I guess. I have decided to stop taking the hormone suppressants.”
“What! You can't do that. If we ever change back, that will ruin that body.” Richard shouted, standing up and leaning over Jen and me.
“Richard sit down!” Peter said, standing up next to Richard.
Richard turned to Peter. “Dad, he can't do that. Tell him he can't do that.”
“Rich, we don't know if you are ever going to change back. Sit down and I will tell you what I have found out.”
Richard glared at me, growled and went back to his seat and sat heavily in some kind of teenage protest.
I was practically shaking, holding Jen tightly. Richard scared me.
“I think we all want to know what happened on that bus. I have been speaking to the other passengers and even the bus driver. It turns out that we all had the same nightmare. One lady even said that she dreamed that she died and saw the light with her family waiting for her, but they told her it wasn't her time yet. The bus driver remembers hitting something invisible on the road which forced the bus off the cliff. He has made the trip several times since then and where he thinks it happened, the barrier is complete and undamaged, but the trees and plant life look like something large knocked them all over. His conclusion and mine is that it was real. We all fell off the cliff and probably died, but someone or something saved us. Unfortunately for you two, there was some error in putting you two back together.”
“I'm not complaining.” Richard muttered.
“The thing is, I really don't think something like that is going to happen again. I don't think either of you are ever going to change back, so we have to live our lives on that premise. Sophia has the right to do whatever she likes with her body. It is hers now, Richard, and you have no say in it. Likewise, are you going to ask her for permission before you do anything?”
“No.”
“Well then. We need to work out about this holiday. What are your thoughts? Jen, Sophia?”
“I think you should work out what you want to do with Richard and then you or Amy can come to our room.” Jen said.
“Why not discuss it now?” Peter asked confused.
“Because Richard is scaring us.” Jen said bluntly.
“Pussy.” Richard muttered, but loud enough that we all heard him.
Peter sighed and looked irritatedly at Richard. “OK. You go back to your room and we will join you shortly.”
Chapter 4
We got back to our room.
“Richard is an arsehole.” Jen stated angrily, shutting the door.
“Don't forget he is only fifteen and I would say a young fifteen at that.”
“I don't think that excuses it. He wanted to steal your money and hard work.”
“I have to admit he scares me. He is young and immature, but he is in a big strong body and I am now in a much smaller one. I am trying to be sympathetic. Considering what he was prepared to put his body through he must have been in serious mental pain and right now he should be on cloud nine. Still, towards me personally, all he has done is insult and anger me. I want nothing to do with him, but I am not sure I am going to have that option. Anyway, let's not talk about him, let's talk about us. So you are thinking of deferring your course for a year?”
“Yes. I have been thinking and stressing over different issues to you. I have done my research and finally come to a conclusion. First of all, never doubt that I love you.” She looked me in the eyes knowing that I would see the love in her eyes. “I have never been attracted to women before and that is what you are now and will be turning into. That doesn't mean I won't be attracted to you, but I wanted to read a bit more about sexual orientation. According to my research, at least some of our sexual orientation comes from our culture. Our culture sees mainly black and white whereas the world is really shades of grey. Because I love you, I may be able to break some of my cultural baggage, but that is not all we are facing. My research also suggests that you may change your orientation when you have female hormones coursing through your system. In other words we could both be attracted to each other, or one or both of us may find ourselves not attracted. Let us also not forget your body is now only fifteen and since you have been on hormone suppressants, in reality it is probably equivalent to a twelve year old.
“I have decided that I am going to wait and see how this plays out. I want to be with you as much as possible and help you with who you are going to become. My mind is still set on our dream of being together, but I also want to ensure that if that doesn't happen, we end up as the closest of sisters.”
“I want that too.” I said, tears streaming down my face, launching myself into her arms.
“I think I need to go back as planned. You will probably have to stay here for another week. I will get some cash out that I want you to hide somewhere, so you are not dependent on them, but theoretically you are their biological daughter and until you reach eighteen you are probably going to be under their rules. Getting back before you will give me a chance to explain everything to our parents.”
There was a knock on our door. Peter and Amy had arrived together. We only had a small room with a double bed, a small table against the wall with a chair and the ensuite. Peter sat in the chair and Amy, Jen and I sat on the bed.
“I am sorry about Richard.” Amy said.
My normal reaction would be to say that everything was fine, but it really wasn't, so I didn't reply, which in itself was telling.
“Anyway.” Jen said breaking the uncomfortable silence. “I have decided that I need to go back as planned, but we realise that Soph, doesn't have that option. Is Richard coming back with me?”
“No. He is going to stay the extra week. If you could help me rearrange the flight for him that would be great. I have already spoken to the hotel and they have said the sofa in the lounge can convert to an extra bed. Richard will sleep there and you will have the other bedroom.”
“I think I would prefer to organise another room. I don't mind paying the extra, but I am not comfortable staying anywhere near Richard.”
Peter sighed. “Unfortunately there are no other rooms available. You probably won't see much of Richard anyway. Skiing was one of the few sports where he could hide his body and appear male without question, so we do this holiday every year and he is quite advanced. After breakfast he will be on the slopes and we won't see him again until dinner time. Then he goes out again and comes back to bed at God knows what time. This isn't our choice, but we have a lot less control of him now.”
“I guess I will have to manage. Jen is going to talk to my parents, but we are all going to have to meet up when we get back to England. Now I don't have any money anymore, I have given it all to Jen. I wasn't joking about that. So before she goes we need to know what this is going to cost me, so that we can give you the money.”
“Nothing. I will pay for everything. You are our biological daughter and asking you for money feels wrong. We have already discussed this between us, so don't argue, just don't.” Peter stated.
“When you said you are not taking your hormone suppressants, what did you mean by that?” Amy asked.
“I have struggled for the last few days with the idea of my future as mapped out by Richard. To me, it was a depressing thought. When I realised that I didn't have to do that, I felt a lot better. In other words, to Richard, staying in a female body was giving him mental anguish, so he needed to change it. I don't feel the same way. So, no, I am not going to be taking the hormone suppressants, nor am I going to be taking testosterone or having surgery.”
“You are going to allow your body to develop as a woman?” Amy asked.
“Yes. I accept the fact that this body is female and intend to allow it to develop normally. I am not sure how much femininity I am going to be able to get used to. Jewellery, makeup, dresses, skirts and weird uncomfortable shoes are all off the table for now.”
“But you might be willing to wear bras, swimming costumes and different colours to black?” Amy asked hopefully.
“Oh please God, yes! I don't mean to offend, but Richards clothes are so depressing. I feel like I am going to a funeral every day. And boxers? Really? I don't know anything about womens underwear, but there has to be something more comfortable.”
“Hallelujah! When Jen leaves, we are going shopping.” Amy declared.
“But darling we are in the middle of nowhere.” Peter pleaded.
“I have waited fifteen years to take my daughter shopping, you are not going to stop me now. I don't care how far we have to travel. Maybe we will stay overnight somewhere. Maybe we can have a few days together at a spa resort. I don't even like skiing. You are not going to deny me this.”
“I am not exactly your...” I started to say, but she turned to look at me with a finger pointing in my direction, so I held my hands up in surrender. “Sounds great.” I said with a pretend smile. Thinking, keep the crazy woman happy, just keep the crazy woman happy.
“Great. That is settled.” Peter said. “I'll leave you to work out the details. What we really need to work out is what we are going to do when we get back.”
“Even if we claimed amnesia, I don't think anyone would believe we were the same person and I don't think he would be ready to take my A levels in five months time.”
“He has already told us that he is eighteen and not going back to school.” Peter said sadly. “I don't really know what to do with him. He is being reckless and irresponsible at the moment and my parental rights have just evaporated. The only thing I have to try and reason with him is money. He has a certain amount that he was saving for additional surgeries, once that runs out I am hoping he will change his tune. Until then, I have no idea what to do. He is just not listening to us anymore.”
“Enough about Richard, he is our problem. We need to work out what you are going to do.” Amy said. “You can't carry on at his school, even if you could take and pass his GCSE's. Everyone there knows of him as a boy.”
“Couldn't you make my original parents my guardians, I can live with them and enrol at my local school? I will have to retake my GCSE's and A levels, which is a pain, but I figure I will have to do that wherever I end up.”
“I was sort of hoping you could live with us. So I could get to know the daughter I could have had. And if you ever have children, I would love to be a grandparent.” Amy said wistfully.
“I'm sorry. You seem nice, but I am not sure I could live in a house with Richard. We could do some weekends and holidays if you like. And let's not talk about children. I am still getting my head around being female.”
“Right, right.” Amy said.
“I think we have a plan. You two will enjoy the next two days together, then Sophia will move in with us. When we return to England, we will meet up with your parents and sort out schooling and guardianship.”
Chapter 5
Jen and I only really had one full day left and, although it was fun, there was an element of sadness there too. We had been practically glued together for years, so a forced separation, even for only a week felt troubling. At least she would be able to explain everything to my parents, not a conversation that I was looking forward to. It's not that I expected them to be unaccepting or anything. It just feels awkward to turn up looking like a complete stranger and give them the love and hugs that I would want to.
The next day was spent packing and then a tearful farewell. Not exactly how I was expecting it, since Amy and I went on the bus back to the airport with the others who were leaving. In our case it was to relocate to a more shopping appropriate area. It gave me a bit more time to spend with Jen and the farewell happened at the airport rather than the resort, but it was still tearful. I was a bit more weepy than normal which could have been the female hormones that had not been suppressed for a few days, psychological, since culturally boys are told that they can't cry, but girls are allowed, or even driven by stress, considering my week.
We checked in to a nice spa type resort. Amy was very considerate and consulted with me about her plans to make sure I was OK with them. There were various treatments available as well as a pool, spa and sauna. Before we could enjoy any of the amenities, I desperately needed new clothes. Again being almost excessively careful to not upset me, Amy went through a list of clothing that she suggested we buy. Making sure that we could discuss the reasoning in private and come to a unanimous decision before entering any shops. We did this over dinner and relaxing in our room afterwards.
We were sharing a room with two single beds in it and she was not shy about taking her clothes off in front of me, but turned away strategically to not rub my nose in her nakedness. I tried to do the same but felt embarrassed and uncomfortable. I knew it was something that I would have to work on. Even why I felt that way was not clear to me, but it was what it was and I would have to deal with it. I slept well and readied myself for the day.
Most of what Amy was suggesting was pretty unobjectionable. A whole set of new panties, various styles so that I could experience the differences and find what I liked. A few pairs of jeans, leggings, slacks, more colourful tops, jumpers and jackets. She suggested a few pairs of tights, so that I could try them, telling me that they were very useful in the winter to keep warm. She also explained that I needed a bra. I was completely flat chested since my body had been on hormone suppressants since it was eight, however, a fifteen year old girl would normally wear a bra even if there was nothing filling it. Likewise my swimming costume needed to be a female version that would cover my chest. I couldn't disagree with anything that she had said, so the shopping marathon began.
I decided that I had a choice with regards to my attitude. I could try and hang on to my boyhood and just choose what I would have happily worn as Dillan. The thing is, that would not serve me in the long run. Instead, I decided that I would try on anything that Amy suggested and try and be as honest as I could about how I looked in it and whether I would be willing to wear it. I was not a complete novice at this, since I had accompanied Jen on lots of trips and I knew what I thought looked good on women in general. I just had to apply it to myself.
I tried my best to go with what I thought looked cute or nice. I did wonder if there was no cultural bias whether I would have chosen similar colours as a boy. I have always liked certain colours that Jen wore that are considered feminine. Baby pink, lilac and various shades of purple, but as a boy it never even occurred to me that I should look for something in those colours for myself. I don't know if that meant I had changed by switching to this body or I was just more free to express myself.
I surprised myself and definitely surprised Amy with my choices. There were a few moments that really stuck out. We didn't go for a bra fitting as there really was nothing to measure, but trying on these starter bras and sports bras, really brought home to me my change in circumstances. Having seen me try on relatively feminine colours and styles, Amy felt comfortable enough to try and push me a little. Some of it, I agreed with and went along and some was just too much.
A more female type haircut sounded great, but, when you have pretty short hair there is not much you can do. In the end we went with using clippers on either side and brushing the front back straight. That seemed the best of the options available. She tried to convince me to get a nightie in addition to some PJ's. I think part of it was because I liked a baby pink PJ set with red hearts on it that was so soft, just touching it made me smile. Some of the nighties were just as soft, but I wasn't ready to go that far yet. She got one anyway, in case I changed my mind.
We almost had an argument about shoes, but I refused to even consider anything that was not comfortable. Over lunch she tried to get me to agree to have my ears pierced, with her main argument being that all girls have pierced ears and I would stick out if I didn't. For me, that was not reason enough, so I managed to keep my ears unblemished. When Amy suggested we have a Mani Pedi together, I was torn. Most of me wanted to say no, but two elements made me agree. I had always loved Jen's fingers after she had put polish on them and the eagerness on Amy's face when she was asking. My nails were short and I refused extensions but I can't deny, I did like how they looked with a light pink coating. The joy Amy seemed to get out of it made it worth any squeamishness I felt at pushing my boundaries.
Despite these discussions, which I wouldn't call arguments because Amy never pushed me too far, we had a great time. A lot of money was spent. I was quite happy to pay it back but Amy said that the amount we were spending was tiny when considering all the clothes that Richard had not wanted growing up. I would have stressed about it more if I didn't have the money to easily cover it, if needed, and I liked all the clothes we had bought. Apart from the nightie that is.
When we got back to the spa resort, Amy helped me pick out a nice outfit for dinner. With a small smile she offered to help me by lending me a necklace that would enhance the top I was wearing and tried to convince me to wear a little bit of makeup. She gracefully accepted my declination.
We had an lovely dinner and I have to say I was really warming up to Amy. She was a beautiful person inside and out. She encouraged rather than forced, explained anything and everything if I had any questions, without ridicule or making me feel bad in any way. After dinner we relaxed in our room and watched a movie. It was a chick flick and we both cried and laughed together. A real bonding moment.
Amy had a cleansing and moisturising routine that she suggested I follow. She also showed me how she put her hair in a sleep braid. Obviously my hair was way too short to do anything like that, but Amy had a chance to show her daughter something she didn't know and was revelling in it. I could see that Amy was a great mother. I had a great childhood growing up as a boy in my family, but Amy was showing me that I would have had a wonderful time growing up as a girl in her family.
The next morning we had a light breakfast and then went for a swim. Richard couldn't swim. He had refused to wear a girls swimming costume from a young age and so never learned. The fact that I could swim was clear evidence that I was not Richard, not that Amy needed it. It was quite an experience for me as well. To start with I felt very self conscious wearing a swimming costume and in the water, swimming felt a completely different experience. I think my skin was more sensitive and I was more flexible. Feeling the water caress me was a very sensual sensation. Not erotic, but quite pleasant. I loved pushing off with my feet strongly and just gliding under water until I slowed down.
As nice as that was, it was nothing compared to the hour and a half massage that Amy had organised. That was all we had time for since we had to pack up and get back on a bus to take us back to the ski resort. Amy promised sometime in the near future we would spend a weekend in a spa resort in England and have a whole two days being properly pampered.
Chapter 6
Author warning. There is some violence in this chapter.
Getting back to the ski resort was a bit of a let down. I had an underlying stress about dealing with Richard and I think Amy did too. We didn't see him until the evening meal. He hardly spoke a word to any of us and glared at me whenever he wasn't eating. When he finished he just got up and left. I wasn't wearing anything too feminine, but it clearly wasn't Richards clothing and I'm sure I saw him staring at my hands with my recently painted nails, at one point.
“I'm sorry about that.” Peter apologised.
“It's not your fault. I would have thought he would be ridiculously happy right now. All his dreams have come true.”
“He was for the first few days and even listened to us. Then he decided to go to the bar without us. I think he worried that you would take all his savings, so he was using the cash point to withdraw as much as he could as quickly as possible.” Peter responded.
“That sounds kind of ironic considering his reaction to my money.”
“Quite. Maybe it is a typical teenager thing. Everything is unfair. Legally he is allowed to drink, so apparently, we are wrong to ask him not to or to limit him in any way. I tried to go with him and then encourage him to come back to the room at a reasonable hour, but the more he drinks the more belligerent he becomes. The last couple of days have been particularly bad. He seems particularly upset that you have decided to remain female, like it is a betrayal or something. His mum spending time with you and both of you clearly enjoying yourselves is aggravating him, I think.
“When we get home, I am hoping his therapist will be able to straighten him out, because, I have to admit, I am clearly out of my depth.” Peter acknowledged.
“I suppose we have to factor in that he is still a fifteen year old mentally, unaccustomed to any level of testosterone or alcohol. I still want to steer clear of him. From my point of view, I have suddenly become significantly smaller and weaker. I used to play Rugby and we would do weight sessions regularly, so I know how strong he is. Add to that a juvenile aggressiveness and he scares me.” I explained.
“As much as I would love you to live with us, I can understand how you feel and will have to content myself with occasional visits. I hope you don't mind us becoming a part of your life.”
“Not at all. You both are lovely and Richard is lucky to have you as his parents. I really enjoyed our shopping trip and the massage was heavenly.”
When we got back to our room there was a message on the phone system. Jen had tried to call and requested a call back.
“Hi Jen, how are you?”
“I'm good Soph. How have you been?”
“I'm doing great. Amy and I went for a marathon shopping trip and I surprised myself with how much I enjoyed it.”
“That's great. Well, I had an interesting visitor today. One of the men in black. He wanted to know about our bus journey. He already knew that our journey was interrupted and we all seemed to lose about four hours. He wanted to know if anything else weird had happened. Anybody behaving differently, that kind of thing. I told him that I broke up with Dillan as he was being an idiot and that I met a new friend.”
I had known Jen so long that I had no trouble reading between the lines. The phone call was a warning. “I know we've only known each other for a week, but we got on so well, I feel like we have known each other forever and I can't wait to see you again in England.” I really wanted to ask about my parents, but couldn't think of a way to put that in the conversation without giving anything away.
She then asked me about what I had bought and suggested a modelling demonstration when we returned. We had a casual girlfriend chat and were both careful not to finish with our usual 'I love you'.
After I put the phone down I thought furiously for a few minutes. Jen clearly thought it would be a bad idea if anyone knew that I had swapped places with Richard. Truthfully there was no way to know whether hiding that fact would matter or not, but I trusted Jen's instincts. She also thought it likely that the phone conversation was being monitored. If that was the case, it was quite possible that the room had been bugged. If that had happened before our meetings then the cat would already be out of the bag, but if it had only just happened then it would be wise to be careful about what we said.
I thought about various ways to communicate without anyone hearing, from the sound of running water masking what we were saying to writing everything on my computer screen and then deleting it. Then I thought of how easy it was nowadays to hide a tiny camera, so I decided on a more straight forward approach.
I had been in the bedroom to have the illusion of privacy for our telephone conversation, so I went into the lounge where Peter and Amy were watching TV.
“Hi guys, could we turn off the TV for a second.”
“Sure.” Peter said, using the remote to switch it off.
“How's Jen?” Amy asked.
“Jen is fine. She was phoning because she was visited by a man in black.”
“An MIB? I thought that was a myth.” Amy said.
“I don't think she meant a literal MIB, more a government official investigating our unusual bus journey.” I could see them both tensing up a bit. “Apparently they already knew the story and were inquiring if anybody was behaving differently. Out of character. She likes her conspiracy theories and I think she thought the phone call was being monitored. If she is right, this suite could be bugged as well.”
“If that is the case why are we speaking out loud?” Amy asked curiously.
“Because we don't have anything to hide, and if we look like we are trying to, it will look suspicious.” I replied. “Do you think the fact that I have given up the idea of becoming a man and don't want to go back to my school where everyone knows me as a boy is going to be a problem?”
Amy and Peter shared looks for a moment. Peter turned to me. “No, I don't think that will be a problem. I mean the reason why you can't make a decision before you are sixteen is that a few people do change their minds. There is nothing unusual with that. Finding a new school and sorting out that mess is going to be a challenge, but I am sure we will come up with something. I guess we will have to do some research and see what we can come up with.”
I went to bed early. MIB turning up put a spanner in the works. If someone investigated our circumstances there were a few things that might already send up red flags and our future plans might have to be re thought. Dillan calling himself Richard and staying with a family he didn't know before this week, were questionable. Not that they knew that the Dillan body was now calling itself Richard, but if they did, it would only take visiting my friends or acquaintances to confirm that I had never used that name before the bus trip. Emptying my bank accounts and selling my business to Jen could be questioned. If I was to go back to England and immediately move into a stranger's house with Amy and Peter signing over guardianship to people they had never met before, the fact that something weird had happened would be crystal clear. Maybe we would have to come clean and tell them everything. Jen clearly thought that was a bad idea and she was really intuitive so I hated the idea of going against her gut feelings.
I tried to think of a way for me to stay with my real parents without it looking suspicious, but couldn't think of anything. Given time, something could be worked out. My friendship with Jen and so a meeting of Amy and Peter with my parents and Katie, could easily be arranged. Over time that could develop, but I couldn't just turn up at my parents house and move back into my old room. This was getting complicated and I couldn't see a solution.
I struggled to go to sleep, tossing and turning. Not really dropping into a deep sleep. I must have managed to at least get to a light sleep, because I woke abruptly when the bedroom door was opened. My room was dark and the light must have been on in the lounge as all I could see was the shadow of a man standing in my doorway looking at me. It was a large man and something about it frightened me. When he moved forward towards me suddenly, I couldn't help an involuntary scream from fear.
“Shut up bitch.” Richard growled, punching me in the chest and winding me. I tried to curl up and breathe as I felt something shoved over my face.
“You are not taking my family from me, you sissy.”
I moved my hands to my face to push what was covering it away, but Richard was too strong, holding a pillow over my face making it impossible to breathe. As I began panicking, I tried to kick my legs at him, anything to get him to let go and allow me to breathe. I could feel the strength draining from my arms as I struggled in vain to get him to release me. Just before I blacked out I thought I heard Peter.
“What are you doing!”
I felt some relief that Peter was here, but I couldn't hold onto consciousness and slipped away.
Chapter 7
I woke up groggily, staring around me trying to work out where I was. I could feel my arms and body strapped down. The roof above me was clearly a car and there was something over my nose and mouth. A strange man leaned over me looking me in the eyes. I felt a surge of fear and my heart started beating faster. The fact that I was trapped was not helping me to calm down. He was speaking to me but I couldn't understand him. I was edging towards panic with my breath coming in quicker.
He backed away I think because someone was talking to him. The more he backed away the less frightened I felt. But he was still close, so I stayed in a highly anxious state. For some reason, I started to feel all funny. Sort of like I was drunk. Disconnected from everything around me and a creeping tiredness that I found it harder and harder to resist. I thought I would just rest my eyes for a second. Then I felt the need to open them quickly and see if anyone had crept up on me. Then I needed to close them again. I did this a few times before I couldn't fight it anymore and fell asleep.
The next time I woke up I was in a bed. I had a white sheet holding me firmly in place, but I wasn't strapped down and managed to get my arms out quite quickly. My mind was much more focussed this time so I remembered the attack and really wanted to know what had happened after I lost consciousness. I thought I was going to die.
I had another surge of fear as I recalled fighting for my life and not being able to get a breath. I took a few deep cleansing breaths and calmed myself back down. Clearly, I had survived. I didn't think I was injured, but who knows what occurred after I was out of it. I checked my body over. I didn't feel any soreness down below, so rape was probably out. There was a large bruise over my sternum that was tender to touch, but it didn't hurt to breathe, so my ribs must be OK. I figured that was either from CPR or the punch that Richard gave me before he tried to suffocate me. Other than that I couldn't find anything else wrong with me.
I was a little surprised that Amy or Peter weren't sitting in a chair in the room. They probably had a lot to deal with considering what Richard had done. Despite logic telling me that, I still felt abandoned. What I really wanted was Jen or my mother to come walking in that door, but I knew neither was likely even if they wanted to be here. They probably didn't even know that anything had gone wrong.
I was in a hospital room with an ensuite. I went to the toilet dressed in a hospital gown, no panties. Next to the bed, within reach of anyone lying on it was a big red button. I climbed back into the bed, covered myself with the blankets and sheets, to make myself feel a little bit less vulnerable, and pressed the button.
Nothing exploded, which was disappointing, but a few moments later a nurse came in. She asked a few questions in French. I had managed to get an A at GCSE French, but she spoke so fast that I didn't understand anything. I did manage to say in French, I do not understand. She then spoke slower and asked if I was English and when I replied yes, she told me in broken English, but better than my broken French, that the doctor would be in shortly. She checked that I was OK and not hurting anywhere. Then she asked if I was hungry or thirsty and when I said yes again, she said she would organise breakfast. Or at least that is what I think she was trying to say.
While I was waiting, I tried the TV, but all the channels were in French, so I switched it off. I heard some chatter outside my door and then a doctor came in. I know it was illogical, but as he approached the bed I could feel my anxiety ratcheting up. I pulled the covers up so that only my head was showing and huddled myself together, so that I was sitting up holding my knees to my chest. He stopped quite suddenly, noticing my reaction. Then spoke calmly and gently in rapid French to the nurse who had come in with him. He stepped back from me carefully and took a seat near the door, so there was a good separation between us. The fact that he was sitting also seemed to help. I took some deep breaths and calmed myself down. This was getting ridiculous.
“I am sorry, mademoiselle, I didn't mean to startle you.” He said.
“It's er...not your fault. I can't seem to not react.”
“It is understandable.”
“Do you know what happened?”
“I know that you were found with a pillow over your face, unconscious, but still breathing. Physically you are healthy. The police have asked for you to stay here until they, er..., sort out, er... mess. I will prescribe medicine for your anxiety.”
“What mess?” I asked, trying to get any details.
He just shrugged.
“What about Amy and Peter?” I queried.
He shrugged again. “I cannot tell you. The police will be round later with a translator to take your er... story. I will suggest a female police.”
He then slowly got up off the chair, making no sudden moves, nodded to me, and departed.
A few minutes later, a nurse came in with my breakfast and a pill that she watched me take. Breakfast was fine, even good for hospital food, but a little while afterwards, I think the pill kicked in and I was out of it. I vaguely remember a female police officer come in, realise I was in no condition to answer questions and leave. I think the most I managed that day was a trip to the toilet.
I woke up the next morning finally feeling clear headed again. A nurse came in with breakfast and another pill, this one the same as before but cut in half. I just said no. I refused to go through another day like the last one. Her English was as bad as my French so our communication was terrible and she gave up.
I wasn't quite sure how long I had been at the hospital. My attack happened in the middle of the night. I am pretty sure they gave me a sedative in the ambulance and when I woke up it was morning, but of the same day or the next? Then I was given another pill and was out for another day. I was getting bored and stressed. Whether I had been here two or three days, why hadn't Amy or Peter come in to see me? Why wasn't someone telling me what was going on?
The police woman came back that afternoon and I was determined to get some answers, but she said she was just here to get my statement and didn't know anything. I told her what had happened, remembering to call Richard, Dillan and calling Amy and Peter, mum and dad. She asked why Dillan was staying with us, but I just said that was between Dillan and my parents. I personally, didn't like him.
She left shortly after leaving me confused and anxious. What on earth was going on? I started wondering if it was about the bus experience. Had the mysterious MIB become involved? Why wouldn't anyone tell me anything? I was tempted to phone Jen, but I found that you needed money and I had none. I didn't even have any clothes. All I was left with were hospital gowns and no panties. The lack of panties left me feeling vulnerable and insecure. I had a shower after breakfast each day and took a new hospital gown from a cupboard in the bathroom. There were disposable panties available, but when I tried one on, it was scratchy and I felt better without.
After lunch on my third conscious day, which probably meant I had been in the hospital either four or five days, an American lady entered.
“Hi. Should I call you Sophia or Richard?” She asked me.
“Sophia.”
“Do you recognise me?”
She was a big chested woman and when I looked closely she reminded me of Amy. “Are you er.. mum's sister?”
“That's right. I am your aunt, Gem. We have never met, but I thought Amy would have shown you some pictures.” Then she held her arms open for a hug.
I awkwardly hugged her. You have to say this about big breasts, they make for great hugs.
“Last I heard you were calling yourself Richard and intended to have hormones and surgery to correct matters. Has that changed?”
“Yes. I had an epiphany after I met Jen on holiday and realised I would prefer to stay female. I have stopped taking hormone suppressants and even bought a whole new wardrobe. I don't think I will be a girly girl, but Jen convinced me that women can express themselves however they like. It's great to finally meet you and everything. But why are you here?” I asked her.
“Jen sounds like a very sensible girl.” Gem sighed. “They haven't told you anything, have they?”
“No. Where is mum and dad? I have been here for like, forever, and no one will tell me anything.” I could feel myself welling up. I was getting really worried. They may not have been my real mum and dad, but they were really nice and I was beginning to feel some affection for Amy.
Gem took her shoes off. “I apologise if my feet smell, but I have come straight here from the airport.” She climbed into bed with me and opened her arms for another cuddle. While holding me tight against her chest, she stroked my hair with her other hand. “I have had a few days to get used to the idea, but this is going to be a bit of a shock. A man drugged up on ICE, attacked you and your parents. I believe your parents protected you, but they, er... they didn't make it. I am your legal guardian.”
I sobbed into her chest. Gem thought it was because of the loss of my parents and partly it was. Peter and Amy had been really nice and definitely didn't deserve this. But it was also because I realised this cut away almost all of my support. I felt very alone. I still had Jen and my real parents, but they were so far out of reach now. My poor parents would have to deal with Richard's stupidity. I even cried a little bit for Richard. He was given too much to cope with for a fifteen year old and obviously met an unscrupulous dealer who took advantage of his naivety. At his age you need the protection of your parents, you just don't think you do or want it.
Chapter 8
I had to dress in some of Gem's clothes and clearly, the bra was never going to work. That didn't bother me too much, I am more used to not wearing one than the reverse. We weren't even close to the same sizes, so I looked ridiculous, but at least I was getting out of the hospital. The next stop was going to be the police station. That was when Gem dropped her next bombshell. The case was closed. Dillan/Richard had committed suicide after being told what he had done. He didn't recall any of it, he said, but the evidence was overwhelming. I would have thought they would take precautions to prevent that, but then no one knew that he had actually killed his own parents, rather than strangers.
Originally, my clothes were part of the crime scene, now that the case was closed, my testimony was not going to be necessary and I could pick up my effects. I was in a bit of a state of shock. My old body was gone, so there was now no chance of going back. Amy and Peter were the only ones who would have been able to confirm that Dillan was, in fact, Richard. Even if I tried to tell the truth, there was a good chance that no one would believe me. Only my intimate knowledge of Dillan's life was evidence and that would be considered circumstantial. Now that I had spent time in Dillan's company, it was conceivable that any details that I provided, had been first given to me by him.
Gem further apologised but explained that I was going to have to say goodbye to my parents here as I wouldn't be present for the funeral. She was a member of an event organising team that mainly deals with weddings. She lives in LA and was the bridal liaison for the wedding of the year and so needed to get back immediately. My parents were going to be shipped back to the UK and Peter's family were going to look after all the details. To some extent that was a bit of a relief since if I was at the funeral I would be meeting a lot of family members who Richard would know but I didn't.
I did wonder why Amy and Peter had chosen Gem as my legal guardian and since she was being so open I decided to ask her.
“Gem.”
“Yes, honey.”
“Umm...you seem really nice, so I am not complaining or anything, but I was wondering why my parents would chose someone I didn't know over my relatives in England.”
“Thanks, honey. I like you too. The simplest reason is because they asked me a long time ago and I agreed. I think part of it is that I never managed to have children of my own, although I wanted them and the other part is that I was the most open regarding your gender issues. Some of your family members are not so accepting. Now that you have changed your mind, that is less of an issue, but I know that Amy wouldn't have changed the will anyway. She wanted you to be loved unconditionally, and felt I would be the best candidate for the role.”
So I was ready to leave the hospital. Except when Gem opened the door to my room and a man visibly walked past, I felt my anxiety freaking out again.
“Wait!” I called out to her. She turned back to me puzzled. “Shut the door, there is something else we need to discuss.” I informed her.
“What is wrong?”
“You know I was attacked first, right?”
“To be honest I know very little. I was told your parents defended you and paid for it with their lives.” She moved back to the bed and sat down. She gestured for me to sit beside her and when I did, she put her arm around me. “What happened?”
“I woke up when the door to my bedroom opened. There was a man silhouetted in the doorway and when he moved towards me I screamed. He punched me and then was suffocating me with a pillow when I heard dad interrupt him. I lost consciousness, so I don't know anything after that.” I tried to say it matter of fact, but just talking about it was bringing back memories and my body started shaking. When Gem felt that she gripped me tighter and shifted me more into her lap so that she could wrap me better in her arms.
I took some deep breaths and calmed myself down. “The thing is, since then, I seem to have an irrational fear of men. Any man that comes near me causes me to edge towards a panic attack.”
“I don't think it is that irrational. From your mind's point of view, it makes perfect sense. We will set you up with a therapist when we get back, in the meantime I may be able to help. I know an alternative treatment for emotions that seems to work pretty well. Let me explain. As I said, my main job is as a liaison to brides. A woman approaching her wedding day is on an emotional roller coaster. Everything that goes right will bring smiles and even tears of joy and everything that is less than perfect can result in less pleasant emotions. My job is to solve a lot of the little bumps that tend to turn up while helping the bride to stay in a good place. To help me to help them, I learnt an emotional technique that does wonders.”
“I am willing to try anything. I hate reacting like this.” I said honestly.
“You have to understand that it is based on completely different thinking to modern medicine. From the alternative world, emotional problems are really energy issues. Let me ask you a question. Have you ever had heartache?”
“Yes.” I responded. When I thought of Jen and the likelihood of one of us not desiring the other, I felt this ache in my heart. In order for us to work out as a couple, she would have to become a lesbian and I would have to stay a lesbian. Despite what Jen had said, my research suggested your orientation was pretty much fixed. I also realised that I had been pretty selfish. I needed to allow Jen to find happiness, even if that was without me. Clinging on to Jen and her support was not going to be good for her.
“Where did you feel the heartache?”
I pointed to my chest.
“If it was a mental thing, why would you feel it there? According to the Chinese tradition, the energy of different emotions is generated in the different organs of the body and heartache is supposedly generated from the heart. The system that I use believes that there is nothing wrong with having the emotion, you just need to not hold onto it and unfortunately, most of us are not very good at letting them go. We call them trapped emotions. What I am going to do with you is to release the trapped emotions that you probably have relating to your attack.”
“And that will stop me feeling anxious in front of men?”
“In my experience, it will take the energy out of it. You will be able to handle it a lot better and then, over time, you will solve the rest of it. I think the brain will still need to be convinced that men are not going to randomly harm you.”
“OK. So how do we do this.”
“Imagine these trapped emotions being within you. We need to bring them to the surface and then I will put energy into the surface using the acupuncture meridian system and that will wipe it away, like running a magnet across a credit card. In order to bring it to the surface we need to identify which emotion it was.” She released me from the cuddle and went to her bag. After a few minutes she managed to pull out a sheet of paper that she showed to me. It had a list of emotions in two columns and six rows, with the different organ systems relating to each row next to them.
“We need to quiz your subconscious and I use this sheet to help me get the answers.”
“I don't understand.”
“I am going to show you something freaky. Hold you arm out and make a fist.” We both stood up facing each other and I did what she said. “Now keep that hand there when I push down.” She pushed down firmly and I resisted her. “What colour eyes would you say you have?”
“Blue.”
“Now say I have blue eyes.”
“I have blue eyes.” She then pushed down and I resisted her.
“Now say I have brown eyes.”
“I have brown eyes.” This time when she pushed down, the strength seemed to go out of my arm and she pushed me down easily.“What the hell?” I muttered.
“Language please. You have decided to be a lady, you need to behave like one. Pretty weird, huh. Well that was because your body does not like to lie. It is the whole basis for the lie detector.”
She then proceeded to use this lie detector to work out what emotions I had trapped from my assault. Fear, Helplessness, Panic, Anger, Defensiveness and Despair all turned up and after working out each one, she ran her hands down my back several times. Then we were done.
The result was pretty much what she said. When we left the hospital I still felt very nervous around men, but I could control it much better and holding her hand and squeezing occasionally was enough to keep me under control. I don't know if it was the treatment or some weird, mind over matter, but whatever it was, it really helped.
Chapter 9
Gem had hired a car so we drove to the police station using the GPS. I stuck close to her side which seemed to help me with my anxiety. They led us to a room and brought out my family suitcases and boxes filled with all our stuff. Gem suggested that I fill the suitcases with all my clothes and everything of my parents apart from their clothes, which would be donated or discarded. She needed to fill out some paperwork so I was left to my own devices. Since there was no one else in the room I was fine with that.
Fortunately, my laptop was with my other possessions and not considered Dillan's. I threw away all Amy and Peter's clothes and added all the skiing gear that Richard had chosen for this body, so I was left with only those clothes that I had bought with Amy on our shopping trip. I started with Amy's and Peter's items so I was still going through mine when Gem returned. Emotionally, I felt OK until I picked the nightie that Amy had bought for me. I had been wearing my PJ's when I was taken to hospital and I have no idea what happened to them, and I had in front of me the matching nightie. Even if my PJ's had been recovered I don't think I could have worn them without thinking of the night I was attacked. The nightie, on the other hand, reminded me of my shopping trip and Amy's attempts to encourage me in a more feminine direction.
“I'm surprised to see that in your collection.” Gem remarked. Since it was baby pink with red hearts all over it and a nightie, I don't think you could get more girly, so I could see her point.
“After I had announced my decision, almost before I had finished, Amy had planned a shopping trip, including a luxury spa hotel and amazing massages. I made the decision to be less resistant and be as honest as I could with what I liked. I loved the luxurious softness of this but prefered the PJ set. Amy insisted on buying the nightie in case I changed my mind. It was one of many times on that trip that she tried to gently push my boundaries and get me to accept a more feminine identity.”
By this point a few tears were tracking down my face. Gem didn't say anything, just gathered me up in her arms and waited until I was ready to continue. I finished packing everything after fishing out something to change into. I went to the ladies to get into my own clothes and packed the ones I had borrowed to give back to her later. She checked that I didn't need any food or drink, then we left. Driving away I felt I was leaving my old life behind me. In some ways it was very cleansing, but it was also sad.
The journey was initially sombre, neither of us knowing each other and both of us having recently lost a lot, but after half an hour where we were both deep in our own thoughts, Gem tried to liven it up a bit. She turned the radio on and tried to get me to sing along to any songs that I knew. The radio was pretty bad, so we switched to her iphone play list.
I had never sang in this body, so it was interesting listening to my own voice and playing with it a little. A song by Eve came on. Eve was an amazing singer who had reached massive fame in recent years and was famous enough that everyone only used her first name. I didn't even know her surname. She had a real mix of songs from rock, pop to ballad. Most of her songs were really positive and I liked listening to something upbeat. This song was one of her more famous ones and I knew the words so I gave it my best rendition.
“So you like Eve then?” Gem asked me.
“What is not to like? She has a great voice and great happy songs.”
“Is that the reason for the haircut?”
“What?” Then I realised I had a very similar hairstyle to Eve. She kept the sides cut very short and brushed the middle back into a pony tail. “Oh not really. Before my change of heart, I kept my hair really short. When we went to the hair dresser, she thought this would be the best option for a more feminine cut. You are right though. It was probably because Eve has made the style popular.”
“Would you like to meet her?” Gem continued.
“I am not a crazy teenager fan type person. I just enjoy her music. I have not been to any of her concerts but I have only heard great things. She seems to go all out to give a good show. On interviews she sounds interesting and funny, but I don't know how that would translate to real life.”
“I wasn't asking hypothetically. I hope you are saying yes, since she has asked to meet you.” Gem was smiling at me.
“Seriously?”
“She is the bride that I am working with at the moment. I had to explain why I wasn't going to be around for few days. I think she was curious about a girl wanting to be a boy and I am sorry that I told her that, but she didn't understand why it had to be me, rather than closer family.”
I didn't really read the gossip mags, but Jen sometimes did, especially when travelling. I remembered there was something about her getting married, but I couldn't recall the details.
“Wow. I hope I am not going to be a disappointment since I have changed my mind.”
“Don't worry about it. In my business I have met some real Prima Donnas, but Eve is really down to earth. You'll like her. I think she will get a kick out of your hairstyle. If you want I can get some hair dye and we can colour the centre purple, then you will really match.”
“No thank you. I'm good. Umm..I don't know much about her. Could you fill me in, so I don't embarrass myself.”
“Most of what they print is all rubbish anyway. What do you want to know?” Gem asked.
“Well, who is she marrying, to start with.”
Gem laughed. “You really don't follow showbiz, do you. I would have thought the whole world knew by now. Laura Kind.”
“That name does sound familiar.”
“You don't know who she is either do you?” Gem said still chuckling.
“Hell, I didn't even know Eve was a lesbian.”
“She considers herself as bisexual as does Laura. Laura is a movie star actress. I've not seen much of her since she is on a shoot in Mexico that has gone on longer than expected. What else can I tell you? The wedding is in two months, then they are having a month long honeymoon to an undisclosed location or locations. Eve has a world tour, starting in the summer and is taking Laura with her.”
“Your job is amazing.”
“It certainly can be. Look, I have to admit something and I don't want you to take this the wrong way. I have been with my company for almost ten years and have had a blast. This is the last wedding that I am doing. Eve is pretty upset with the company and I figured she may well tell you, so …. Now this is not your fault in any way.... ”
“But.....” I prompted.
“They fired me when I told them I needed to take a few days off to come and pick you up. To be fair, this is the biggest job, biggest wedding and we are in the end stages, so leaving right now was not ideal. But you come first. Eve agreed with me and has even changed some appointments to wait for me to return. She has been fantastic, she has even offered me a job, but hasn't worked out what she wants me to do. I don't think I can take it anyway. We need to get you settled in and stable.”
“Are you kidding me? This could be an adventure of a lifetime. If she offers a job that would make you happy, you should definitely take it. Don't worry about me, I will fit in somehow. I'm sorry about your job, but I believe, everything happens for a reason and the end result will make it all worth it. I could feel guilty for you making a sacrifice to come and get me, but, to be honest, I don't want you working for a company that treats anyone that way. You are welcome to whatever money comes my way from my inheritance.”
“You don't need to give me your money. I have enough for quite a while and I will find another job, whether that is with Eve or something else. It does mean that the next couple of months are going to be hectic and I am not sure how that is going to work out with your schooling.”
“I can be pretty independent. You won't need to worry about me.” Then I remembered that I had been clinging on to her since she had arrived, almost frightened by my own shadow. So maybe not as independent as I had been previously. Still, I wasn't going to take it back. I would not disrupt her life any further.
“You come first.” Gem repeated. Then she turned the music back on and we tried to get back into a more positive frame of mind.
Chapter 10
We drove to a hotel near the airport and Gem arranged a room. Since she had not pre-booked we ended up in a room with a double bed to share. I didn't mind that, and considering my recent state of mind, it was probably a good thing. Gem apologised though and explained that she normally plans way in advance, but this time she had literally driven to the airport with a few clothes and worked it out from there. I asked if I could call Jen on the hotel phone and she agreed.
I know it can be quite expensive to use the hotel phone to phone abroad and my conversation would have to be in front of Gem and yet there was so much to discuss. I decided to first use the hotel wifi to email Jen with a description of everything that I had been through and asked her to tell me what she knew and a time that evening for me to call.
I did that while Gem had a shower. I had one after her and then had to find some new clothes to wear. At the police station I had just shovelled everything that I was keeping into the two large suitcases. Originally, one suitcase contained my clothes and the other all the items from Amy and Peter, but since I had discarded their clothes all their stuff was rattling around in there so I put some of my clothes in each to try and protect anything valuable. The end result was that I had to go searching through both cases to find a full outfit.
“Don't worry, I will help you repack later.” Gem commented, considering the mess.
I think she was hungry. Bless her, I don't think she had considered her needs once during the journey, she was all about looking after me. I didn't delay her any longer and we headed down to the hotel restaurant. The food was nice but nothing special. Our conversation was pleasant but we didn't delve into any deep topics and I have to say I enjoyed her undemanding company.
When we returned to our room I checked my email and found that Jen had responded. Of course, Dillan's parents had been informed of what he was accused of and his subsequent suicide. She was completely unaware of my involvement and what had happened to me. She told me that she had been worried sick and was wondering why I hadn't phoned her, until she got my email about being trapped in the hospital with no money for phone calls. She was available now and would stay by the phone for the next few hours so I was to call immediately. Reading between the lines I could tell that she had told Katie and my parents. Katie already knew something was up since she helped us sell Dillan's part of the company to Jen. I'm not sure whether my parents would have believed her or not, but after Richard's attack and suicide, I hoped that they would think I wouldn't have acted that way. I was hoping to convince them myself, when I managed to be in a position to talk freely.
I phoned Jen after shutting down my computer. If someone looked carefully at my laptop there would be all sorts of evidence that it was Dillan's. I didn't want Gem to think I had stolen it so I had removed the most obvious clues that I could find. I knew enough about computers to know that it would be easy to accidentally show Gem contradictory information.
It was so great to hear Jen's voice. I cried as soon as I heard her speak and was only just able to communicate enough to let her know that I was there. Once I was calmed down I then had to assure her that I was alright. I asked about her parents, knowing that she knew I needed to hear about mine. She told me that Katie was fine and her friends were helping her deal with the loss of her business partner who she was very close to. Jen remarked that everyone thought Dillan's behaviour was very out of character.
Whilst I was chatting to Jen, Gem started organising my suitcases. I stopped my call, putting my hand over the receiver to tell Gem that she didn't need to do that. She indicated that I was to continue my call and leave her to it. She even pulled out an outfit for our plane ride tomorrow and checked that I was OK with it before continuing.
I wanted to keep Jen on the phone. I wasn't going to be seeing her soon, as we had planned. I was now on my way to LA and I didn't know when I would be able to see her again. So I had these conflicting desires, keep the phone call short since I wasn't paying for it and it was expensive, and not let go of my Jen. In the end, probably sensing my troubling thoughts, Jen sent me hugs and put the phone down. If she hadn't managed to be the strong one, I don't think I would have been able to do it.
Gem's POV
Sophia had an exhausting day, so even though I wasn't that tired, I went to bed early with her. I wasn't sure if I should cuddle up to her to offer her reassurance or keep out of her way. I suppose I chickened out and kept my distance. She went to sleep very quickly and I was left wide awake lying next to her.
She certainly was not what I was expecting. Amy and I had led completely different lives, far apart from one another, but we still loved each other and kept in touch regularly. Amy had talked about a boy who was being bullied at school for being slender and pretty. The Richard she talked about was trying to be even more alpha male, to compensate for that and becoming almost disrespectful towards women. The psychologist had advised her to be patient. He was only a teenager and needed to gain in maturity. Amy had told me that she was keeping Richards behaviour decent by bribing him with money that he was putting away for future surgeries. She complained that since going to school as a boy he had become more and more intractable. He didn't want to do 'women's work'. She struggled to get him to do anything that could be considered housework. It didn't help that Peter wasn't a great role model in that regard.
That picture contrasted very heavily with the actuality of Sophia. The Sophia that I had met was gentle and kind. Considerate of others and willing to share her emotions.
It made me very curious as to what could have caused this change of heart. Right now I was fighting my curiosity against my morality. When I was reorganising Sophia's suitcases I came across Amy's Jewellery box. I gave that box to her, so I knew that there was a secret compartment in the bottom which she used to put her diary in. I didn't know if she was still keeping a diary, but if she was then the answers to my questions might be there. From a morality point of view, it would be wrong to read someone else's diary. Then again, if it would help me with her child, I am sure Amy would have wanted me to read it. If it was even there.
I knew I was, at least to some extent, justifying my actions, before I had even taken them, but I really, really wanted to know. I slipped out of bed and pulled the Jewellery box out of the suitcase. I went into the ensuite bathroom, closed the door and switched on the light. It didn't take me long to find out that there was a diary still in there and when I opened it to the last page it was dated the day before the assault, so it was up to date.
Chapter 10 part 2 Gem's POV
No Fricken Way! I thought for probably the hundredth time. I started reading the last entry but that made no sense, so I went back a few days and that confused me more. I ended up flicking back to find something that I could comprehend. That turned out to be a week before the holiday. There, Richard was Richard and behaved exactly how Amy had told me. Then there was the bus journey and everything changed.
I doubted it and didn't at the same time. It fitted and couldn't be true. When I read it through the second time, I did so with the attitude of reading a novel. Suspended disbelief. The third time I just accepted it was true. I was reading it now for the forth time trying to piece it together. Amy didn't write in her diary as a way to explain anything to anyone. She wrote how she always had. Writing to the diary as if the diary was a person, bouncing her thoughts off someone who never judges. Unfortunately, that meant I had to work out what had happened from her discussions with herself.
So something happened on the bus journey in. Everyone was affected but only Richard and Dillan swapped bodies. The first few days after that were of a joyful Richard. Then they had a big argument about drinking alcohol. Richard thought that since his body was eighteen, he should be able to drink. Peter and Amy thought differently, but now their usual methods of parental authority failed them and he walked out on them. Peter tried to follow him, but didn't manage to convince him to return. Amy stayed awake that night waiting for Richard to return. He did so in the early morning hours so drunk that Amy had to leave him to it.
The next morning Richard was unrepentant and spent less and less time with Amy. Amy was never that fond of skiing anyway, so it was left up to Peter to try and keep an eye on him. In the meantime, Dillan, who was now in Sophia's body was struggling to come to terms with what had happened to him/her. To be fair, he had it a lot harder than Richard. He was literally a man in a girls body. He came to the surprising decision to let nature take its course and become the woman his body biologically wanted to become.
Amy then got a bit emotional about having a second chance to have a daughter and pondered grandchildren, shopping trips and generally spending quality mother daughter time. She realised that Dillan, now taking Richards original name Sophia, was not really her daughter, and had other parents, but she was hoping to at least have some time with her. So she organised a shopping trip and had a wonderful time. She admitted to the diary that she was already feeling attached to her 'new' daughter and was not looking forward to signing over guardianship to Dillan's parents. Something must have happened between Richard and Sophia since she mentioned that the main reason Sophia didn't want to stay with them was Richard.
Then Sophia had a talk with Jen, who for some reason was now back in England. Some kind of government official was looking into the bus event and now Sophia was probably not going to be signed over to Dillan's parents. Amy was really happy about that, but felt really sorry for Dillan's parents. There was a possibility that their room had been bugged so they had to be careful what they said and working out a plan was going to be difficult. And that was where it ended.
Richard attacked Sophia, not quite killing her and Peter intervened. What did Sophia do to get Richard so angry? Or was it just that he could sense Amy's growing affection and was jealous. Then I can only guess that it was the drugs in his system that caused him to go crazy. I sort of wanted to blame Sophia out of family loyalty to Richard, but I am a strong believer in judging people by their actions, not their words. Sophia was behaving like a confused individual, courageously forging her own path with maturity and Richard behaved like an angry teenager given too much freedom to misbehave.
It was sad and knowing this just made it all the more tragic. Richard killed his own parents and then couldn't live with himself. It did feel a bit better than thinking a random stranger that Amy and Peter had let stay with them decided to go crazy.
The next question was, did this change anything? It was very unlikely that this room was being bugged so we could have a frank discussion, but had my responsibilities changed? My life had already changed when I ignored my boss who said if I left I would be fired. Was Sophia still my responsibility? Biologically she was still my niece. She just had a different soul or mind inhabiting it. That left an interesting philosophical question. What exactly is family? There is the biological aspect where she qualifies, but adopted kids can still be family and they have no biological connection. I supposed it was the relationship that you form with the person that inhabits the body and I had no previous interaction with either Richard or Sophia. So I think the answer is no, my responsibilities hadn't changed.
We had much to discuss tomorrow and I had been awake far too long. There were elements from the diary that I needed clarifying as well as a bit of honesty from both of us. I turned the light off and tried to slip quietly back into the bed.
Suddenly Sophia sat up straight in bed and screamed such a terrified scream that I immediately looked around for her attacker, before realising we were alone. I hurried to her arms trying to calm her down. Stroking her gently and saying calmly. “You're safe, there is no one here, Shhh, I am here, you are alright.” She was hyperventilating and looking around anxiously, but at least she didn't scream again. When I could see reason in her eyes, I hugged her and then we lay down spooning. I could feel her shaking for some time, trying to control her breathing. I fell asleep holding her, glad no one had come to investigate her scream.
Chapter 11 Sophia's POV
I woke up still wrapped in Gem's arms. She was snoring mildly, so I knew she was still fast asleep. I felt a little embarrassed about my middle of the night freak out. My male pride had taken another blow. Considering the circumstances, that was not necessarily a bad thing and there was something nice in not having to be the strong one.
My bladder urged me to unentangle myself from Gem and nip to the loo. I was tempted to get back in bed again, but I was wide awake. When we had registered downstairs, they told us that check out was at ten. It was already quarter past eight, so I thought it would be safe to leave Gem to sleep until nine. They had a little kettle in the room with tea and coffee making facilities and I thought it would be a pleasant touch if I could wake her with a cup. From the restaurant last night I knew she drank coffee black with no sugar. I pre boiled the kettle so it would only take a few seconds to re boil and got a cup ready with the sachet of instant coffee.
I was then at a bit of a loss as to what to do. It was only a small room without even another chair, so I ended up retreating to the bathroom with my laptop. I checked my email, but there really wasn't anything on it yet. I had created a new email address the day after the switch, so only Jen really knew it and I had spoken to her last night. The projects I had working on I had already passed on to Katie and I didn't really want to have business evidence in my recent history and if I kept wiping my history it would look suspicious.
In the end I started researching Eve and Laura Kind. I had only really started when Gem's phone went off with her alarm. I quickly set down my laptop and went through. Gem was sitting up rubbing her eyes. I put the kettle back on.
“Good morning.” I said.
“Is it? Sorry, not a morning person. Give me a few moments and I will try and put my smile back on.” She grumbled.
I made the coffee and brought it to her which brought a genuine smile.
“Do you want to shower first. I am still waking up.” Gem said.
“Sure.” I didn't want to have a shower until she was awake in case it was loud. I had a brief but refreshing shower. Before I had finished she told me to leave the shower on. When I stepped out Gem handed me a towel and entered after me. I was going to have to get used to this naked in front of each other thing, women seemed to have going on. Or maybe it was just how Gem and Amy had been brought up. I couldn't help but notice how stacked Gem was. I am guessing she did not go for the breast reduction surgery. It also made me wonder just how big mine were going to get. Already my nipples were feeling a bit itchy and there was a bit of puffiness around them.
I did my morning ablutions and got dressed in the clothes Gem had set out for me when re packing my case. Plain panties, leggings, starter bra, T shirt, Jumper, socks and trainers. I didn't own a handbag or even a purse. What had happened to Richard's wallet I didn't know, and I had removed all money from Dillan's accounts and destroyed the cards. I did have my laptop case which contained my travel necessities. Gem had all my identity documents. I sat on the bed and continued my research. At least with short hair it was easy to manage. Gem seemed to take ages to dry hers with the hotel hairdryer.
Gem came out wrapped in a towel and then chucked it back towards the bathroom and started getting dressed. She didn't interrupt me but when she was finished I shut my laptop down so that I was not being disrespectful by not giving her my attention.
Now she was dressed she sat on the bed facing me with a neutral expression on her face. “So, Sophia. We need to have a talk.”
“OK.” I said slowly, not knowing what she was wanting to talk about.
“When is your birthday?”
Shit! I thought furiously, I should have looked at my passport and memorised it. I think I remember Richard saying he was turning sixteen in a couple of months. “It's not for a couple of months. Why are you asking?”
“I am quite into my astrology. What date is it exactly?”
I could guess but the chances of getting it right were pretty minimal. “It is on my passport, so why didn't you just look.” My answer was pretty lame, but I couldn't think of why I wouldn't know my own birthday. By this point my heart was beating fast and I could feel myself sweating nervously.
She nodded her head slowly as if coming to a decision. “Don't stress, everything is alright. I was just confirming something. Amy kept a diary, and last night I had a chance to read it, so I know you are not Richard.”
When I was seven years old, my mum had made cookies and put them in a jar and to prevent me from taking one she put it on a high counter. When I thought she wasn't looking, I dragged a chair over and literally had my hand in the cookie jar when I noticed her standing next to me looking at me with a smile on her face. The embarrassed, shameful feeling I had then was exactly the same as I had now. “Err...”
“I'm not angry. If you had told me when we first met I wouldn't have believed you.”
“So you know everything?”
“Pretty much. It was a diary not an essay, so I had to work some of it out and I would like some things cleared up. It explains how you sometimes say Amy and sometimes mum. I didn't know Richard, but I had kept in contact with Amy and her description of him was totally different to you. I think it very unlikely that anyone is overhearing us. So, nice to meet you Dillan.” Gem said, holding out her hand.
I shook it. “I don't think Dillan really works anymore.”
“Sophia was you body's original name. Are you happy being called that?”
“I don't mind it. I prefer Jen's short form, Soph.”
“Soph it is then. And Jen is more than just a friend you met on holiday?”
“I know I was only eighteen, but I planned to marry Jen after she finished Uni. Now, neither of us know if that is going to work anymore.” I said sadly.
“I have decided that it doesn't change our relationship. You are still my niece. I now know you have relationships in England that are important to you and, although I don't understand why, you are very hesitant to do anything to let others know what happened, which means we still have to go with my plans of taking you to LA.”
“I really want my parents to know I am alright and I am hoping that Jen is going to help with that. I was about to leave home anyway. It is more my Jen that I am missing. She has to continue her education and for the next five months while she concentrates on her exams it is probably best if I am not around, but I miss her so much.”
Gem moved forwards and held me. “I will let you call her and skype her as much as you want. We do have quite different time zones, but love will find a way.”
“She has never been interested in girls and she has told me that with female hormones going through my system I may start becoming interested in boys. Our love may already be doomed.” I started snivelling, sadness covering me like a wet blanket.
“There are many different forms of love. I always felt sisterly love was more important than couple love. My sister and I dated lots when we were young, fell in love and out of it. Our love for each other never changed. Your relationship with Jen will change. It may end up better or just different. Anyway that is the future, which there is no point worrying about. Let's deal with the present. First of all, what the hell happened on that bus journey?”
I went through what I remembered and also what Peter had found out. Then the visit from the MIB to Jen in England and her belief that we needed to be careful not to reveal the switch. I also explained that Jen had fantastic intuition and I didn't want to go against her suggestions. Gem then got up and fetched a notepad that had a list of questions. She crossed off several that I must have answered.
“OK. Why is Jen in England when you are still out here?”
“Jen and I had booked a week holiday, whereas Amy, Peter and Richard had two weeks. She has got her A level exams in June so our studying was getting intense and this holiday was a last chance to relax before getting stuck in again. She needed to get back, but in this body I am only fifteen and we thought it would be strange if I went back without Amy or Peter. I didn't feel comfortable staying with a family I didn't really know, although Amy and Peter seemed nice, Richard scared me. I wanted to stay in a separate room but there was no availability. Amy and Peter offered me the second bedroom and promised that Richard would stay away.”
“That brings up my next question. Why was there bad blood between you and Richard?”
I sighed. “I don't really know, but I can make a few guesses. I didn't have any gripes with him apart from his clear anger at me that scared me. He was angry when I decided that I didn't want to go through with the whole female to male transition. Jen said that might have been because it meant I was questioning or going against what he had decided was best for this body and he didn't like that. The fact that I was a guy who was now in a girls body meant I should be agreeing with him and to do otherwise was a betrayal. In the end, who knows what he was thinking? The other thing that made him angry at me was about my money.”
“Your money? Why would that make him angry?”
“When I was thirteen I inherited some money from the death of my grandparents. I invested that by setting up a business with Jen's mother, Katie. I have been re investing any profits back into the business and now it is giving a healthy return, a very healthy return. When Richard heard that, he thought he was going to get all that and when I informed him that I had safeguarded it in Jen's hands he was furious. That did piss me off. I mean the money was mine and I had worked hard for it. If I was to guess why that made him angry I would say it was because for a brief moment he thought he was set up for life and then that was snatched away from him. Like holding a winning lottery ticket that someone else had bought, but was blown in his direction and he had picked up, only to have the owner snatch it back.”
“How did he scare you?”
“When he was expressing his anger, he did it right in my face, looming over me and shouting. Don't forget I am still getting used to being a lot smaller and weaker than I was. Even before he attacked me I was feeling vulnerable. Now it is so much worse, I feel as though I am jumping at shadows.”
“Are you going to get your money back?”
“Yes. It is much easier now that you know the truth. The only thing that I need to be careful of is giving away my change in identity. I thought I would pretend to re invest any inheritance from Amy and Peter by buying back my share of the company from Jen. I would then funnel all the money that is rightfully mine into my new accounts. I was due to take my exams at the same time as Jen, but my results really didn't matter. My income is mainly a passive one and the more work I do, the more passive income I generate. It is all net based so I can do it anywhere. You don't need to worry about money. I am happy to share.”
“Thanks but I would be bored out of my mind if I didn't have something to do. One last question. Amy talked about cutting herself and healing much quicker than normal, do you know anything about that?”
“I had a bruise from when Richard punched me that went in a couple of days. So maybe.”
“Amy was wondering to the diary if everyone had been improved a little and if that meant you would develop faster after stopping your medication. She had observed some mild breast development and thought that it was way too fast for it to be normal.”
“I don't know what to say to that. I have noticed a bit of nipple itchiness and perhaps some breast tissue, but I have no idea how fast it should be. If that is the case, maybe I should avoid any doctor examinations until it has settled down. I don't want any red flags in my files.”
“I have a friend who is a doctor, we can probably go and see her off the books. So now I know the truth, if you have any question, just ask. You are still my niece and I will look after you.”
We had a nice long hug before we got ourselves together and went down to breakfast.
Chapter 12
After breakfast we dropped off the hire car and entered the airport. After checking in our luggage there really was nothing to do for hours, waiting for our flight. It did give me a chance to interrogate Gem. She was pretty open about herself, but couldn't tell me much about what was going to happen after we arrived, because she didn't know.
She lived on her own. She was a divorcee and I realised that line of questioning was causing her some pain so I didn't pry. When we arrived we would be going to her rented apartment which was only a one bedroom place, so a relocation was definitely on the cards. Job wise, she had asked permission to go and when it was refused, had told them she was going anyway, which resulted in her being fired. She had to phone Eve to apologise and ended up telling her everything. Eve told Gem that if need be she would hire her independently. She was going to reschedule her wedding appointments and Gem was to call her as soon as she had returned so that a meeting could be arranged.
Gem had left in such a hurry that nothing further had been planned. Gem's whole job was about organising and sorting out problems, so she was uncomfortable with winging it, which is how she described her current situation. We discussed schooling which was going to be a bit tricky. Gem's apartment was small for one person and was totally unsuitable for the two of us, so where we were going to end up, location wise was uncertain, which meant working out which school to go to was problematic. After realising that formal education was not a priority for me and could have its own difficulties, since I had been a man all my life, we examined the other possibilities. Home schooling or taking exams that would gain me education certificates sounded plausible but we had to be careful that I didn't seem too different to Richard. Helping in that regard, education in England is completely different to the American system and I had no great knowledge of American history.
Gem was of two minds regarding going to school. I might find it difficult with my lack of knowledge regarding both American teen culture and female teen stuff. On the other hand, a school environment might be the perfect place to be educated on those fronts. Because I was coming from England, a certain amount of tolerance due to my ignorance was expected, but we are talking about teenagers, who can be very judgemental. Gem was worried that I would be verbally bullied for my lack of femininity and not fitting in. I might well be labelled as a lesbian, just for having short hair, no earrings or makeup. I did mention that might be true and Gem's response was that was beside the point. One's sexuality was a private matter, but in high school, telling everyone either verbally or through visual cues would lead to more verbal abuse.
The way she was talking about it, made me want to be home schooled. To some extent, the decision would have to be put off until we knew where we were going to end up location wise anyway. I had told her before we left the hotel room that Jen intended to have a year off before university and was going to spend it with me, helping me with my girl training and also finding out where our relationship was going. That was now in question since I was no longer even living in the same country.
When we had exhausted our conversation, Gem went back to a book that she was reading and I did some more research on my laptop. Eve and Laura had quite an interesting history and it gave me hope regarding my relationship with Jen. How much of what I found out is true, I didn't know, since they rarely talked about any serious stuff on TV. According to the internet, Eve and Laura were straight, both going out with men who were friends. The men decided to have a boys holiday in Vegas and got caught on camera with other girls hanging off them. Eve and Laura dumped their boyfriends and decided to have a girls holiday in the Mauritius. They ended up falling in love with each other and after a year of dating bought a house together. Now they were getting married and talking about adopting.
I think because they had previously been dating men, who publicly betrayed them, their relationship had been laughed off as revenge and was now considered sweet. Rather than their fans being upset with them, it was all blamed on the men and both Eve and Laura's careers had not suffered at all. The men, on the other hand, had been seen as that bad that they had turned straight women gay. I laughed at that. One was a male model and his career had tanked, the other was a rich socialite who now avoided the camera. According to one magazine, Gavin, the rich socialite who had been dating Laura, had promised revenge.
We had a leisurely lunch and finally were able to start our flight. Gem had booked our flights as economy, but we were both upgraded to business class. I have a feeling that Eve had a hand in that, since I looked through the curtain to the economy seating and it was not full. It was my first time in business class and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The food and service was amazing, the entertainment usefully distracting and the ability to recline the seat and get some decent rest was blissful.
We got off the plane not half as tired as I had anticipated. We were unexpectedly met by a limo driver, holding up a placard with Gem's name on it. He took us back to Gem's apartment where we dumped our bags, and had a quick shower with change of clothes before being taken to the mansion that was Eve and Laura's home. Gem told me this was all a surprise to her, but relatively typical behaviour for Eve. Gem had arranged some similar surprises for friends of the couple who were coming to visit.
The housekeeper met us at the door and explained that Eve was out and would be back in a couple of hours. Laura was still in Mexico. She offered us a tour of the place and did her best to make sure we were comfortable. The place was amazing. There must have been twenty bedrooms, the bathrooms were lavish with some free standing baths and some with spa jets. A tennis court, gym, swimming pool, large hot tub and amazing views. There were huge open planned areas that were used for music and dancing, with a stage at one end with a microphone already set up and musical instruments scattered across it. We had entered through a fenced off area so it was all pretty private. I had never really looked at the rich and famous. This tour really made me realise the difference between rich and ridiculously rich.
Eventually we were led back to a waiting area which had a comfortable lounge, TV, mini bar and a heap of magazines on a coffee table and left to relax.
Eve stormed into the waiting room like a force of nature. I don't think she was trying to make an entrance or do anything dramatic, it was just who she is. Full of energy and life, barely contained in her tall slim body. You felt her presence almost before you saw her and she dominated the room immediately. She held her arms open wide expectantly.
Gem gracefully got up with a calm demeanour and a smile on her face. “Eve.” She said hugging her.
I got over my stunned surprise and stood up, since everybody else was standing.
“And this must be Richard.” Eve said to me, with a query in her voice, a raised eyebrow and a full head to toe look over.
I laughed. “Call me Sophia. Soph to my friends.”
“Don't want to be a man anymore?” She asked.
I shrugged. “I'm a girl, I can change my mind.” I said with a smile.
Eve laughed with a loud, uninhibited, I don't care type of laugh that was so joyous, you just wanted to laugh with her. “Good for you. Be who you want to be. I must write that down, it sounds like a song lyric.” She said to a person behind her, who I hadn't noticed, with Eve dominating the scene. “I like the hairstyle, could do with some more purple though.” She said patting my head. She was significantly taller than me, probably six foot to my just about five. Then she strode to the lounge and sat down.
We all followed her and sat in the other seats. I ended up sitting last which meant I had to sit next to her. I was a bit hesitant, which she noticed.
“Don't worry, I don't bite. At least, not today.” Eve said with another grin. “Gem, I wanted to catch you before your ex-boss got a hold of you. I fired them after the way they treated you. I waited to do it until today, so they wouldn't have a chance to speak to you before me. I don't want to delay the wedding, so I need you to pick up all the pieces. Hire whoever you like, but nobody from that company. Lisa can help you. We only chose that company because I had heard good things about you.”
Eve was obviously not someone you wanted to piss off. Lisa, who was the person I hadn't noticed coming in with Eve and turned out to be Eve's personal assistant, disappeared with Gem to catch her up and for Gem to do her magic, which left me alone with Eve.
Chapter 13
“Now that Gem has gone I need to ask you something and I need you to be honest. We have been planning this wedding for almost a year. It is only two months away and there is going to be a lot of work to do. It is a bit of a monster. I need someone to help me, desperately, and I trust Gem, but I know that if she does this, she is not going to have a lot of time for you. When she goes through it all with Lisa she might start thinking that she can't do the job and look after you as well. I haven't been told the details, but if she needed to drop everything to be there for you, there is a good chance you really need her right now. What I am asking is, am I being really selfish? and do I need to find someone else?”
“Honest? Really honest?” She nodded solemnly. “Then yes and no.” I replied with a smile.
She thought about that for a second. “Are you calling me selfish?” She asked with an answering grin.
“Well, you did ask. Although to be fair if there was any time in your life when I would expect you to be selfish it would be a bride organising her wedding day. If there was ever a day when someone could shout this is all about me, that would be the day.”
“Wait one sec.” Eve said and jumped up and almost ran out the door. That was weird. I wasn't quite sure what I was supposed to do. Before I could get too bored she was back with a pencil and pad, writing furiously, but somehow managing a slow walk back to the lounge without hitting anything. “Sorry, that gave me an idea for a song.” When she had finished, she sat back down and looked at me. “Err..where were we?”
“I said you don't need to find anyone else. I am happy that you have hired Gem and if that means I don't see too much of her for a couple of months, I can live with that.” I replied.
“You're missing the bit where you called me selfish. I did ask for honest. Remind me to never ask you if my bum looks big.” She said with a bark of laughter, unashamedly laughing at her own joke. Then she went serious. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I want to disrupt her life as little as possible. I already feel bad that she was fired because of me, but not too bad, since it shows she was working for the wrong company.”
“Quite right.” She squidged herself more into the lounge. “So what happened? Gem told me it had to be her to look after you as she didn't have an issue with you being transgender. Why did you change your mind?” Eve asked me. She was looking at me with a very direct stare, almost mesmerising.
I knew this question was coming. Ever since Gem had told me that Eve wanted to meet me and knew that I was trans, or at least, Richard was. I figured the best way to go was to use the truth as much as possible and add a few lies as needed. “I fell in love.” I replied.
“Ahhhh. You can't stop there. Tell me more.”
“I met Jen on the bus journey to the ski resort and it changed my life. We spent most of the first week together. She taught me that I could be whatever kind of woman I wanted, I just had to be honest with myself, forget what other people think and just find out what I enjoyed. My world shifted and has not been the same since.”
“How old are you?”
“Fifteen, sixteen in two months.” I had now memorised my birthday, so I wouldn't be caught out with that one again.
“And your parents allowed that?” She asked in surprise.
“It was all innocent. Jen actually went on holiday with her boyfriend, but separated after that bus journey. She has been honest with me. She is a smart cookie. After her exams in June she should be heading to Cambridge to study Psychology. She has always considered herself straight, and although she feels great friendship with me, is unsure whether that will translate to desire. She feels strongly enough about us that she was going to defer her entrance to Uni and spend time with me to see where our relationship went.”
“I am a bit confused. If she was straight and you fell in love with her, surely that would make you want to change sex even more, and why can't she spend time with you now?” Eve asked.
“Before we even discussed our relationship, she helped me work through whether I wanted to go through with my transition. In two months time I would be due to start testosterone and irreversible changes would start to occur, so I needed to be sure. Very sure and she helped me realise that it was not for me. I dreaded to the point of depression, the idea of the testosterone and following surgeries. At the time I still thought of myself as male, but, with her help I thought I could still be myself in a female body.”
“You don't think of yourself as male now?”
“I have stopped taking the female hormone suppressants. I went shopping and....” I paused for dramatic effect. “I liked it. I even bought something pink and thought it looked 'cute'.” I said, using my fingers to make quotation marks, an expression of fake horror on my face.“I think my supposed masculinity is being washed away in a sea of estrogen and, being honest with myself, I'm not missing it all that much.”
“Wow. I have met a few transgender individuals and they all seemed so sure of themselves. Happy to go through it all to become true to themselves.”
“I think that is the point. I needed to be that sure and I just.... wasn't.” I replied.
“And why can't Jen spend time with you now?” Eve asked.
“Well, she has exams that she has to study for, so she is going to be really busy for the next few months, but our plans for after that were based on my living in England. I can hardly invite her to come to America.”
“Wouldn't you be in school anyway? What are you doing about school?” Eve asked.
“That is a tricky question. We haven't quite worked that out yet.” I replied.
“What is tricky about it? Lay it out for me. I am a strong believer in education.”
“Gem and I have discussed it and figured there are two options. Find an appropriate school or be home schooled. We haven't quite worked out where we are going to be living yet...”
“Why don't you know where you are going to be living?” Eve asked fairly confrontingly.
“Gem is currently renting a one bedroom flat. We can share the bedroom for a while, but it is not a long term solution. Now, we know that she will be working for you for a couple of months, but after that she doesn't have a job, so exactly where we should start looking, I have no idea.”
“Hmmm.” She gave me a thoughtful expression. “I need to think about this.” Then she made a shooing hand gesture. “I will think about it later. Right now let's do something fun. Do you sing?”
Chapter 14
Singing? As Dillan I had never liked my voice, so sang as little as possible. The only singing I had done as Sophia was to a few songs in the car with Gem. “Err...only in the car.” I replied.
“What was the last song you sang?” She asked me.
I blushed since it was one of her songs and for some reason that made me feel embarrassed. “Gratitude.”
She laughed. “Come with me.” She jumped off the couch again and headed off at a fast pace. I don't think she knows how to do anything with less than full energy.
I hurried to keep up with her. She led me to the large open plan space and the stage at one end. She jumped on the stage and then offered me a hand up. I practically flew through the air with her pull up. She then put her hands on my shoulders and led me to the front and centre of the stage, adjusted the microphone stand to my height and switched it on. She then disappeared behind me. I was left facing an empty room with Eve fiddling with something behind me. I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do. I thought I knew the words, but at that moment I just couldn't think of the first line. Then Eve started playing the piano and that reignited my memory.
I couldn't sing to the empty room though, so I turned the mic stand around so I was facing Eve and started on the song. It was a bit of a surreal experience. When you are singing in the car, you can still hear the artist singing, when you are singing to a microphone with just the piano giving you accompaniment, you can really hear your voice. The good and the bad is quite clear with nowhere to hide.
I didn't think I did too bad a job of it. Nothing in Eve's class, of course, but I didn't feel my voice go off, which I used to as Dillan, and I quite liked the higher tone that came naturally. When I had finished Eve looked at me with a very focussed expression. She seemed to only have too modes, still and explosive action.
“Stay here, I will be right back.” She said as she charged out of the room.
I sat on the stage looking out at the empty room. Eve was definitely a character. Full of life, passionate, and I think she would be a lot of fun. Curious and a little bit probing with her questions, but avoiding the more hurtful areas. She would make a great friend and a terrible enemy.
She came back in again with the notepad, writing while she was walking. Lisa was trailing her waiting for her to finish. Eve slowed down and stopped in front of me still writing something in her notebook. When she was done, she looked up at me and smiled. Lisa then made a pretend cough to let her know that she was behind her and wanted her attention. I had seen that in movies, but didn't really think that happened in real life.
Eve turned around to Lisa. “Have you finished already?”
“No, but Jane has arrived for your gym session.”
“Oh yeah, is it that time already?” Then she looked back at me. “If I am going to suffer, I think you should too.” She turned back to Lisa. “Do we have any workout clothes that will fit Soph?”
“We have some spare swimming costumes that can probably be used.”
None of the one piece swimming costumes fitted me, so I ended up in a bikini, purple with white dots, doing a yoga and weights session with a music Goddess, pushed to my limits by a middle aged woman in lycra. Jane appreciated my presence, since it made Eve work harder, for some reason. My body was in pretty good shape. Not as strong as I used to be by any means, but great stamina and since I had less body weight, some things felt easier. We finished the session with a few laps in the pool and then we relaxed together in the hot tub. That was where Lisa and Gem found us, drinking bottled water and luxuriating in the bubbles.
I was getting pretty tired and I think Gem was too. We got ourselves organised as quickly as possible and headed back to Gem's flat. I was hungry, but I was more tired than hungry and fell asleep in the limo that was dropping us off. It took a real effort to get myself into the flat and collapse on the bed.
Laura Kind's POV
I was looking at the time waiting for the last few minutes to tick past so that I could call Eve on the agreed time. Finally, I had some good news to tell her. I was on the flight home tomorrow and I couldn't wait to see my energizer bunny. Just a few more minutes to wait before I could tell her.
Then my phone rang. I thought about not answering hoping whoever it was would get off soon and leave me to phone Eve, but I checked to see who it was and it was Eve.
“Hi honey.” I said surprised. She always left it to me to make the phone call. Since I could be busy at any time, it was easier to arrange with the director that I would be free at a specified time for a certain time. It was even in my contract. Because of that we had agreed between us that I would initiate the call, and that was exactly what had happened every single day. Until today. Even when Gem unexpectedly called Eve to tell her that she had a family emergency and had to leave for a few days, Eve had waited for me to call before telling me everything. “Is something wrong?”
“No, I was just so excited, I couldn't wait. I have broken my block.”
“You wrote a song again. That's wonderful. I told you it had nothing to do with muses.” I told Eve. I liked and believed in some of the New Age type stuff and Eve was the sceptic, but Eve did have one superstition. She believed there were people who were able to stir her creative juices. Usually she dated them and called them her muses. Brad the arsehole model was her last muse and she hadn't managed to write anything since she dumped him and that was almost two years ago. Since she still had quite a bit of material that was in varying stages of development, it wasn't obvious, but it was probably her biggest stress.
“I wrote two songs or at least started with the idea of them. I have found my new muse.”
My heart dropped, that meant she had met someone else. Was this my being dumped call two months before we got married? “Errr... that's great hon.” I said, on the verge of tears.
“What's wrong? What did I say?” Eve asked worriedly.
“Nothing, nothing, tell me about your muse.” I said with a more normal voice. I could feel a tear running down my cheek, but I was an actress, I could act the part of friend, while my heart was breaking. I was expecting to hear about a new male Adonis type figure. I loved Eve, I truly did, so if I needed to let her go, I would do so, but he better be a decent man.
“Well, she is a fifteen year old girl that Gem brought home with her. Actually we have a great opportunity, but I needed to speak to you first.”
The relief that swept through me blew away my barriers and I started crying on the phone.
“What's the matter? Sweetie, please talk to me.” Eve begged me.
I struggled to be able to talk. “I thought you were leaving me.” I sobbed.
“Why would you think that? I love you. And I mean love you, love you. You are my soulmate, I would never leave you.”
“You have always dated your muses.” I managed to get out to explain my assumptions.
“It was the best way to keep them around. But I am committed to you. No more dating for me, especially not a fifteen year old girl. I am almost old enough to be her mother. Darling, we are getting married. I can't wait to lock you down and take you off the market. I think I should be the worried one. You are so beautiful and wasn't the last movie a romantic chick flick with kissing scenes and stuff.”
“I'm sorry. I think this being apart from you is making me an emotional mess. Good news, by the way, I am flying back tomorrow.”
“That is great. I can't wait to see you. Tell me the time and I will meet you at the airport.”
“I will text you the details, but if you go it will be a public spectacle. Could you just send the limo and we can celebrate more privately at home?”
“Definitely. I've missed you so much.” Eve replied.
“I'm looking forward to showing you how much I have missed you. Now, didn't you want to ask me something?”
“Yes. Gem has agreed to take over planning the wedding, but after talking to Soph there are a couple of challenges that they are facing.”
“And is Soph your muse?” I prompted.
“That's right. Gem is her legal guardian, I don't know what happened to her parents and I didn't want to ask. Soph is going to need a stable environment to finish her schooling and Gem's life is not set up for that just yet. She is only renting a single bed flat and after our wedding is over, is out of a job. Not only that, but in the meantime, our wedding is going to take up most of Gem's time.”
“So what were you thinking?” I asked.
“Obviously, I want to keep my muse close, they can't stay where they are and we have twenty spare bedrooms.”
“Are you talking about just until the wedding or more long term?” I queried.
“Would you be upset if I said more long term?”
“I haven't met Soph, and I'd prefer to do so before saying yes, but provisionally I don't have a problem with it. What about Gem's job?”
“Well, I have been trying to get you to agree to having your own personal assistant and stop using mine. You get on well with Gem and if she is living in our house, it could be ideal. What do you think about hiring her as your PA?”
I thought about it. Gem had been my bridal liaison rather than Eve's, but Eve didn't get on with the person the company had sent and we ended up sharing her. After most of a year I think we both considered Gem more as a friend than an employee. That was probably what I would want in a PA. Someone who could keep me organised, but at the same time would be comfortable relaxing in the hot tub after a long day. “You're right. I think she would be perfect.” I admitted to Eve.
“I won't say anything until you've had a chance to meet Soph. Is it alright if I spend time with Soph? You are not going to get jealous or anything.”
I laughed at her, my confidence in our relationship was back. “You just want to get some more song material. Of course I don't mind. Are you going to tell her?”
“You think I should?” She asked me.
“She might think it strange if you don't tell her. You don't have to tell her your superstitions, just that being around her has helped you with your creativity.”
We went through our usual love yous and missing yous. Now we also had the can't wait to see you tomorrow. When I finally managed to put the phone down, I had to collapse on the bed. That conversation was an emotional roller coaster, I felt exhausted.
Chapter 15 Sophia's POV
I woke up with Gem spooning me comfortingly. I had another wake in the middle of the night screaming episodes. Gem had done a wonderful job of calming me down, but she needed her sleep and it wasn't fair for me to keep interrupting it. I was thinking of offering to sleep on the sofa, but the flat was so small, I would only be a couple of metres away and I'm sure you would need to be in another country to not hear my screams.
I slipped off to the bathroom, trying to make as little noise as possible. After my morning ablutions I settled on the sofa with my laptop. I didn't know if Gem had any internet service, but when I searched, I found an open connection. I sorted out a new facebook page, used the camera on the laptop for my image and sent a private message to Jen as well as an email so she would know it was me. Fortunately, she was awake and we had a silent instant message conversation. Knowing that I wanted to know that my parents were doing alright, she included talking about the people that she lived with that had recently lost a son and how well they were coping.
After that my stomach led me to search the small kitchen area for food. The bread looked like it was mouldy and the salad less than fresh, however, the milk was still in date and there was cereal in the cupboard. I also set up a coffee percolator so that Gem was would have something nice to wake up to. While I was doing that, the shower went on so I didn't have to worry about waking Gem up anymore.
I had a shower after her and we both got ourselves ready for the day. We sat on the sofa, Gem sipping her coffee and me a glass of milk.
“We need to talk.” Gem said. I looked at her, asking with my eyes for her to continue. “If I do this wedding, it is going to be taking up a huge amount of my time. You really need someone to be there for you, so I think I should find someone else to take it over.”
“Actually, Eve spoke to me yesterday, almost predicting what you would do after realising how much work was involved. She wanted to know whether she was doing the right thing in asking you. I may have a few little issues relating to my attack.” I said, remembering last night. “But, I am quite mature for my age and this is an opportunity of a lifetime. If you don't do it, you will regret it and I will feel guilty for being the reason. It is only for two months, besides, I like Eve and I wouldn't trust her happiness in someone else's hands.”
“You like Eve?” Gem asked me.
“Yes. She's wild, untamed and a lot of fun. She pushed me yesterday completely out of my comfort zone, but it felt surprisingly exciting.” I replied with a smile. I was telling the truth, a truth that I hadn't really considered until I was saying it out loud.
“How did she push you out of your comfort zone?”
“She got me to sing one of her songs while she was playing the piano. Then I did a gym session in a bikini. How can I wear two pieces of clothing and yet feel more naked than when I used to wear one?”
Gem just laughed. “Are you sure you are OK with this?”
“Absolutely. I will not complain that you are not spending enough time with me or that you should be looking after me. I am old enough to look after myself.”
Gem phoned Lisa to organise a limo to pick her up. Our plan was that I would stay at the flat and place an order for food or get a pizza delivery. Gem left me her credit card and some cash. Gem got a text back from Lisa that Soph needed to remember her workout clothes and bathing suit, which changed our plans.
“Is this normal?” I asked Gem as I organised a bag with clothes in it. I didn't have a workout kit, but I figured a sports bra and leggings would do.
“Is what normal?”
“You know, hanging out with Eve while you are doing your work.” I replied.
She scratched her head a bit puzzled herself. “I don't really know. I have spent a lot of time with both Eve and Laura over the past year. Usually going out to lunches with them, or accompanying them to various locations and I feel like we have got on really well, but I have never done a workout with them, or had a swim. I will say this though. Eve does what she wants to do. If she is hanging out with you, it is because she wants to. She is not really bothered by the details of the wedding. She leaves that to Laura. I would still take your laptop. I think she is busy with her music until lunchtime.”
The limo took us back to the house. Lisa hustled Gem away, so I wandered to the waiting area I had been in previously. There was a buzzer on the wall that Maria, the housekeeper, told us to press if we wanted anything to eat or drink and I was still hungry. Maria set up some sandwiches and water for me, which I nibbled on while I started to do some business work on my laptop.
Eve did her usual enter the room with energy and loudness.“How do you fancy a singing lesson? I've finished with my voice coach and she said she has time to fit you in.”
I locked my screen and closed my laptop. “Sure, that sounds like fun.” I replied and was then chasing after her. She was walking and I was running to keep pace. I thought she was going to lead me back to the stage, but, instead, she took me to a soundproof recording studio and then left me in the hands of this rather large lady, dressed very prim and proper called Danica. I spent almost an hour with her, mainly working on my breathing. Despite that I was really tired by the end of it.
At the end of it, I thanked her for her instruction. She gave me her first smile and thanked me for trying my best and not being a spoilt brat. She then informed me that she would expect me to arrive on time at ten am every weekday morning at the recording booth. I didn't know what to say to that, so I told her I would do my best. I headed back to the waiting area and back to my laptop. Maria came and got me so that we could all have lunch together.
The house had a very interesting set up. It was huge with far too many rooms, but one area had been set aside like a mini house within a house. It was not part of the tour that Maria had given us earlier and I suspect most are not allowed into this inner sanctum. I wasn't shown around and didn't see much, but there was clearly a small kitchen and dining room as that was where we had lunch. Within view I could see a very lived in lounge and a corridor which I presumed, led to bedrooms and bathrooms.
Lunch was a simple pasta dish, but it tasted like I had been to a proper Italian restaurant. Maria then shooed us out so that she could clean up. Lisa and Gem went in one direction and Eve took me off to the lounge.
“So, how did you find Danica?” She asked me.
“Good, but weird. I mean how can breathing be so tiring? Ummm...why did she tell me to see her again tomorrow?”
“A couple of reasons. I think you have a decent voice and with a bit of coaching could be a pretty good singer. I know that you are not going to school at the moment and your main guardian I am keeping so busy that she doesn't have time for you. Besides that, Danica is here every morning at nine am for my lessons. There is one other reason that will only work out if the stars align, so I will keep that one as a surprise.”
“I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but why me? You are a superstar, literally a superstar. I love spending time with you, somehow you seem to inject me with some of your enthusiasm for life and it feels great, but...”
She was shaking her head with a look of wonder, holding up one finger to stop me talking. “Wait one second and I will tell you.” And she was off, like a race horse that had heard the gun, she leap up off the lounge and ran out the room.
I started giggling. I am not used to giggling, but I couldn't help myself, the situation felt so bizarre. I think I was still smiling when she came back, notepad out, face down, writing something and somehow navigating through the house back to her private lounge.
“Done.” She said, putting the notepad down. “This is why.” Eve said pointing at the notepad, like that answered anything.
“Huh?” I said confusedly.
“How should I put this? You know I write my own songs, don't you?” I nodded. “I am not someone who is always filled with inspiration. For whatever reason, I seem to need something to help trigger my creativity. I am enjoying spending time with you, you don't act at all like I expected a teenager to act. Besides enjoying your company, you seem to give me ideas for songs and that is priceless. I intend to help you out as much as I can and when I can, do things with you. Think of it this way. You have not asked me for so much as an autograph. Gem has not asked me to look after you. Anything I do, I do because I want to.”
What do you say to that? “Umm...OK?”
“That's the spirit. Now the plan for today is gym at three pm with Jane, followed by a relax in the hot tub. Then I am sending everybody out of the house at five since Laura is due back and I want some quality time with her. Tomorrow morning I expect you to be here for breakfast at eight, so I can introduce you to Laura.”
Chapter 16
I had another bad night. I don't really remember what I am dreaming, just wake up terrified. I usually wake to the sound of my own scream. I am shaking and crying and I don't even recall what has made me so scared. In the end, I can't get back to sleep, so even though it is the middle of the night I tried to get up.
I thought Gem, who had done her usual calming ritual and was holding me tightly, had fallen back asleep, but, either my getting up re woke her or she was just pretending. I didn't want Gem to be any more disturbed, nonetheless, despite my protestations she got up with me.
Since we had left Eve and Laura's place early yesterday, we had time and energy to go to the shops and get some groceries in. So I planned to make myself a cup of hot chocolate. Gem just sipped on a glass of water and tried to make me be easier on myself. I was so angry that I had disturbed her again. In the end, in the middle of the night she used that emotional energy technique again. Her opinion was that I wasn't dealing with my emotional issues and worries through the day so they were coming out at night.
I had been through a lot in a short amount of time. Swapped into another gender, become unsure about my relationship with Jen since I was now female, been assaulted strongly enough that I thought I was going to die, lost my body's parents who I was just getting to know, shipped off to another country in the company of a stranger and now have very limited contact with my real parents. I should be an emotional wreck. During the day there was little evidence of it, only anxiety related to strange men. At night, however, my demons seem to be let loose.
We went back to bed. Gem held me, offering me comfort and I tried to be as still as possible, pretending to be asleep, allowing Gem to get some rest. I may have dozed a bit, but not much before the alarm went off. The shower helped revive me a bit and we set off in the limo for breakfast with Eve and Laura.
Gem is not naturally a morning person and after the night we had, we both struggled to put smiles on our faces as I met Laura for the first time. I could see why she was an actress, she looked movie star gorgeous. She greeted me warmly with a gentle hug and a kiss on each cheek. They had prepared a much bigger breakfast than I normally had. Pancakes with sliced bananas and honey, melon balls in bowls, crispy bacon and scrambled eggs, with toast. Coffee was available, which made Gem happy. I preferred orange juice.
Despite eating with a pop diva and a movie star, the conversation and atmosphere was relaxed and enjoyable. Eve was full of energy and every movement felt like an explosion, whereas Laura was full of grace and femininity. The glances they shared showed their affection for each other without making it awkward for the rest of us. Then the talk became quite interesting.
“Tomorrow is Saturday, are you having the day off?” Laura asked Gem.
“I will be having the morning off. I think we have certain dishes the caterers are bringing in the afternoon that I will need to be present for.”
“Oh, goodie. I love trying the food.” Eve put in which caused Laura to laugh.
“I still get to decide. If it was up to you it would be sausages and mash with apple pie for dessert.” Laura replied. “So what are you going to do with your morning?” She ignored Eve sticking her tongue out at her, directing her question back to Gem.
“I think I will be going shopping.” Gem replied. “Soph only has what she bought in a suitcase, so we have a whole wardrobe to buy.”
“That sounds like fun. You'll never get that done in a morning though. Oh, I have an idea. I'll take her. I am not doing anything today, and I love shopping.” Then Laura looked anxiously at Gem. “If that is OK with you Gem, I don't want to deprive you.”
Instead of answering her immediately, Gem turned to me. “What do you think Soph, fancy shopping with a glamour model?”
Gem was smiling gently which was a difficult expression to read. Did she want me to say yes? Since I started making some decent money, I stopped worrying about spending it. That money was not available to me now and I suspected Laura would have expensive tastes. So I was a bit nervous about the money side, and I didn't know Laura very well, although she seemed nice. Still, I felt that pressure when someone offers something nice and if you say no it feels like you have kicked their puppy.
“Errr... that sounds nice.” I said uncertainly. “I do have a singing lesson at ten though.”
“We'll swap, you have the nine am slot and I will have the one after.” Eve suggested. “Laura will take at least that long to set up her evil plans. Better you than me, is all I am going to say. I appreciate you taking one for the team.” Eve winked at me and then had to muffle a swear word when I think Laura retaliated under the table with a kick, which made me giggle.
In a way I was relieved. It meant Gem would have at least a little time off. Maybe we would just sleep in. I didn't want to be the reason she was unable to have a bit of R&R. The singing lesson went well. I was actually allowed to utter some sounds, but I had to get the breathing right. Afterwards, I headed to the waiting lounge, so I would be ready when Laura was.
Laura's POV
Eve had told me that Soph had helped her come up with another song idea and really wanted to help her. The breakfast was a great idea, and Soph came across as a nice quiet shy girl. Really easy to like, but if I was going to invite her to live with us, I needed to know her better. That was why I had leaped at the chance to take her out today. I wasn't sure Gem would go for it since Soph is only fifteen. I knew Gem trusted me and was unsure how much she would trust Soph to behave. My experience with fifteen year old actors may have jaded me a little. Soph appeared mature for her age, then again, she had been through a lot. I didn't know the details, but Lisa had asked Gem and told us that Soph had just lost both her parents.
While Soph was having her singing lesson, I phoned Daphne, my fashion consultant and organised to meet her at the mall. I had to give her as many details as possible so that she could pre prepare. Eve told me that Soph had thought she wanted to be a man and had recently changed her mind and was exploring carefully, her feminine side. That explained her lack of earrings or makeup. I was going to push her today. She had a pretty face and I wanted to show her how beautiful she could be. I also wanted a look at her character and pushing her limits would be a good way to find out. Of course, I would be wearing a disguise so that we wouldn't be mobbed. I was looking forward to it. This was going to be fun.
Chapter 17 Sophia's POV
I hadn't been waiting long before Laura came and got me. Instead of going straight out, she took me back to her bedroom and through to one of two walk in robes. Laura already didn't look like Laura. I guess she was wearing a wig, changed her makeup and her clothes to dull herself down. She had gone from movie star glamorous to attractive housewife. Part of it may even have been how she was now moving. Still feminine and graceful, but somehow different.
She sat me down in front of a mirror. There were various wigs and lots of makeup on the table in front of me, so I was starting to get anxious.
“Err...Laura.” I started.
She stood behind me with her hands on my shoulders, catching my eyes in the mirror with a thoughtful expression on her face. “Relax, I'm not going to do anything you don't agree to.” Then she smiled. “My job right now is to get you to agree to what I want.”
Strangely that didn't make me feel any less anxious.
“I need you to be honest with me. What are you worried about?” She asked me.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and tried to work out what was scaring me. My immediate fear was that she was going to use makeup on me. The real question was, why should I be afraid of that? She was clearly an expert and I could tell that she wouldn't deliberately make me look silly, so what was it that I was so afraid of.
“I think that if I look in the mirror and see someone I don't recognise, I will create a disconnect. I'm already confused about the way I look. I want to see me, but don't really know what that looks like anymore.” For some reason I started tearing up.
She moved her hands from my shoulders to give me a gentle hug from behind. “Oh, honey. This is one of the joys of being a woman. We can change how we look several times in one day. Just remember, it doesn't change who you are.”
Once she saw that I had calmed down, she excused herself to go to the toilet, leaving me a little time to make some decisions. I decided that I was in a similar situation to when Amy took me shopping. I could fight to try and maintain some of my masculinity, but truthfully it was a losing battle and all I would create was conflict. I needed to give this a chance.
When Laura came back in I decided to be forthright and almost back myself into a corner so I couldn't back out. “I probably can't avoid feeling anxious, but I need to explore this, so I am going to place myself in your hands. As much as I can, I will follow your direction without argument. Please be gentle with me and don't do anything irreversible.” I pleaded.
She smiled hugely, keeping eye contact. “Challenge accepted.” Laura responded. She first picked out a wig that had a colour very similar to my natural tone. She attached it to my head and fiddled with it until she was satisfied with the look. I was intending to let my hair grow. I have always loved long hair on Jen, so I wanted to see what I would look like with long hair. I could now see what that would look like and I have to say, I liked it. It made a big difference to how my face looked. Immediately giving my face a much more feminine look. She then proceeded to apply makeup. She didn't go crazy, just some mascara, eye shadow, blusher and lipstick. It felt weird feeling it on my face, but the mirror showed me turning from tom boy to girly girl.
“Wow.” I said unintentionally.
Laura laughed. “You are almost making this too easy. You were already pretty. I am going to make you look beautiful.”
“Shall we go and show Gem? I don't think she will recognise me.” I said a little bit excitedly.
“No, she can wait for the big reveal. I want you out of those tom boy clothes and into something more suitable. And we are going to a salon. You are getting the works, girl. I know what we will do, I will book a table at my favourite Italian restaurant for dinner tonight. Eve and Gem can meet us there. You wait here, I will get Lisa to arrange that and check the coast is clear.”
After a few minutes Laura came back and whisked me through the house to the waiting limo. The good news was my worries about the money side of things had disappeared. Since I was putting myself in Laura's hands and said that I wouldn't argue with her, it was up to Laura where we went, what we did and how much she spent. I didn't even have a credit card on me.
Our first stop was at a fairly high end shopping centre where we met Daphne. Laura explained that her style and taste may not suit a teenage girl, so she wanted an expert to help. Daphne and Laura had a good long look at me and came up with a plan. I think Laura tried to be gentle with me by explaining why I needed my ears pierced. She asked me to look around and find one woman who didn't have earrings. Laura assured me that it wasn't permanent since my ears could heal over the holes, if I decided against them later. Laura picked out a simple set of gold stud earrings. Truthfully, it wasn't too painful and I soon forgot I had them in. She didn't press me to have multiple piercings. Daphne suggested one for my nose, which Laura declined before I needed to.
Then we moved on to lingerie. Talk about embarrassed. I think I spent my entire time there blushing. I definitely had some breast tissue now. I was properly measured as an A cup. I am pretty sure that I am developing far faster than normal, my body catching up to where it was supposed to be for my age. Considering Gem and Amy, I had no doubts that I would not be small in that department. I didn't feel the need for any enhancement, but I was overruled. Most of the bras that my fashion gurus chose were padded to some extent to make it obvious that I had something underneath.
By the end of our frank discussions on panties and avoiding visible panty lines by wearing thongs, I was blushing so hard, I think I had a temperature. They knew what they were doing to me and seemed to enjoy teasing me in my innocence. There was logic behind sorting out lingerie first. There was no point in buying clothes that didn't fit right, so I needed to be wearing the right underwear. It had the added benefit of making me feel very feminine. We then went on to try on so many clothes that my head spun.
Daphne and Laura were having a field day. Normally Daphne dealt with clients who had a very clear idea of what suited them and had to be encouraged to try new things. I had no defined or known style. This made Daphne's job harder and easier at the same time. It meant she had a blank canvas, but it also meant she had to use a lot more paint.
Laura was constantly trying to engage me in the whole process. Did I like how it looked, the colour, the fit and the material or texture. I worked out that I loved soft materials, could tell when something looked good, but struggled to pick out good stuff myself. My next mental block was dresses and skirts. I think Laura was expecting trouble and kept eye contact when she passed me my first skirt. I had promised not to argue, so I swallowed my objections, sighed and gave them a go. It was hard to deny that I did like the look. Funnily enough I always preferred it when Jen wore skirts or dresses, so it made sense that I would like the look, possibly even more than a regular girl. It did make me feel a bit exposed, which in turn made me feel a bit naughty, adding a frisson of excitement.
Laura was keeping a close eye on me and when I began to flag, we had a break. Initially it was for a coffee and cake, or a hot chocolate and cake in my case. The second break we had lunch. Exactly what we had bought, I had no idea. Before we left each shop, Laura would sort it out, but I was not involved and didn't want to pry. I knew about a few items since Laura asked me to keep them on and took the tags off them. Obviously the padded bra and pantie set, but also a skirt and then I needed a different top to suit the skirt. I was wearing the skirt because Laura told me it made trying on different clothes much easier and she wanted me to get used to it. Laura was wearing a beautiful white dress and suggested I watch how she sat down before copying her. The same would be true for getting into and out of the limo. When I tried to emulate her at lunch and sweep my skirt under my bottom before sitting down, I overdid it and made it too tight, so I had to fiddle in my seat to get comfortable while Laura and Daphne laughed.
Most of the time was spent in and around women, so my anxiety didn't play up too much, but I was very aware of all the men around me, particularly at lunch time. That was why I noticed a man who seemed innocent enough, but finished when we did and seemed to be following us. My worry levels rose, but I was still not too concerned. Logically it could all be coincidental. We went into a women's clothes shop and I noticed he was still around when we came out. My anxiety levels started heading towards panic levels.
“What's wrong Soph?” Laura asked me.
“Don't look now, but I think there is a man following us.” I replied with a fake smile, my heart rate speeding up and a cold sweat beginning.
“It's alright honey, he is meant to be there. You are not supposed to notice him though. It is one of the downsides to being a celebrity. I think we need a bathroom break.” Laura then led us into the ladies. She could see me stress out and gave me another cuddle. There were some curious glances from other women in there, but I wasn't going to explain. I took some deep breaths and calmed myself down.
“Thanks.” I told Laura.
“You're welcome. I would have mentioned it earlier, but I never notice them and they are supposed to be invisible. I think we will see if we can go to the salon earlier than planned. We still need to do a proper shoe shop, but we can do that after.”
We had already been to a couple of shoe shops. I hadn't refused to try on anything that had been put in front of me, but if it wasn't comfortable I immediately said so. Laura didn't argue the point. She did manage to get me to agree that a few shoes with a three inch heel, were awkward rather than uncomfortable and that would be due to lack of familiarity. The point is I didn't think we needed to do any more shoe shopping. I wasn't going to argue though.
We said goodbye to Daphne and headed towards the salon.
Chapter 18 Laura's POV
At the salon I sent Soph off to be waxed. I had noticed hair on her arms and legs, which didn't suit the image we were portraying. She looked at me with big puppy dog eyes, but I just sent her off with a smile. As she had agreed, Soph didn't verbally argue with me. Her expressions gave away her feelings easily, she was definitely a wear your heart on your sleeve girl.
It had helped me to know when I was pushing her boundaries. I was then able to give her the reasons for my suggestions or to back off if I was pushing her too far. That had only really happened once, which was when I tried to buy her a necklace. She immediately acted very unhappy and took it off as soon as she could. I don't think it was about money. I was a bit worried when I suggested this shopping trip that she would have been pushing my hand to try and get me to spend money on her. In fact, she had a wonderful attitude. She wasn't trying to make me spend or stop me spending. I don't even think she has any idea exactly what I have bought her. Whenever I went up to pay and organise delivery, she was conspicuous by her absence. Leaving no pressure on me in any direction. Conversely, that encouraged me to spend more. I love treating people who appreciate it, but don't demand it. So often I had been hurt by people either expecting me to pay for everything or getting upset because I have paid for something. It was not as if I didn't have enough of it.
I knew she wouldn't enjoy the waxing experience, I haven't heard of anyone who does. The rest of the experiences we would do together, but I had laser treatments to remove my hair previously, so it gave me a chance to call Eve without her being present.
“Hi gorgeous.” Eve answered.
“Hi honey. Are you free for a chat?”
“Yup, all good. So how is it going with Soph?” Eve asked me.
“Great. If we hear any screams that would probably be Soph being waxed for, I would guess, the first time.” I replied with a chuckle.
“She hasn't upset you, has she?” Eve asked with a worried tone.
“Not at all. Being waxed is a right of passage every girl has to go through at least once. If she likes the look, we can organise some laser treatment for a more permanent, less painful method.”
“Are we keeping her then?” There was a hopeful excited edge to Eve's question.
“Definitely. I thought we can go with your plans and tell them at dinner tonight.”
“I know you are being cautious after how you have been treated, but I like Soph and Gem. They are not going to betray us in any way.” Eve said, being careful with some of my emotional triggers.
“I know. I think I have let go of my issues about my entourage and my family, and then you ask me to introduce someone new into our lives and it rears its ugly head again. I shouldn't need to test people, especially after you have already spent time with them. I trust your judgement, I really do, for some reason, I just need to be sure. And I am sure. Soph is not after our money or our fame. I have spent a fortune, but I have enjoyed spending it and Soph does not even know what I have bought.”
“That is great darling. We still need to hire some people for our house, especially if Soph and Gem are going to be living in the other part of the house, or were you thinking of them staying in our private section?” I couldn't tell from Eve's voice if she was for or against the idea. Again she was leaving it in my court.
“We have five bedrooms in our private area and they all have their own bathrooms. I don't mind them staying in our section. After we come back from our honeymoon, or before if it is not working out, they can move into the main areas. I don't really want to hire anyone new before the wedding. Maria can cope with two extra mouths to feed.” I replied.
“OK. If you are sure.”
I did pause to see if there were any lingering doubts and when I couldn't find any I replied. “I am sure. Oh and I think I have also figured out why she is a great muse for you.”
“Tell me, tell me.” Eve said eagerly.
“I'll admit I wanted to push her a little bit. See how she would react if I stressed her out, so before we left I wanted to encourage her to wear a wig and makeup.”
“How did that go?” Eve asked me.
“I could see it accomplished my goal, she was totally out of her comfort zone. I asked her what was worrying her. I was expecting her to say the idea of wearing makeup or some other superficial answer. Instead, Soph dug deep to get to the heart of the matter and then tried to express her feelings about it. I had a feeling that if you heard her answer it would give you an idea for a song, so I excused myself and wrote it down as best I could.”
“What did she say?” Eve asked eagerly.
“Have you got a pen and paper?” I said, fiddling with my phone and pulling up the text I had typed in to remember.
“Shit! Wait a second.” I could hear Eve rushing about. “OK hit me with it.”
“She said that if she looked in the mirror and saw someone she didn't recognise, she was worried that it would create a disconnect. She said she was already confused about the way she looked. She desperately wanted to see herself, but didn't know what that would look like.”
“You're right. It is like poetry. There is a song in there somewhere about self esteem issues and teenagers going through puberty and finding themselves. How does she do it?” Eve asked in wonder.
“I think you mentioned her girlfriend studied psychology or was going to. I wondered if the reason they hit it off so well was because Soph seems to self analyse. I can almost imagine the self talk. Why am I anxious? I am anxious because Laura is going to want me to wear makeup. Now most people would stop there, but Soph doesn't. She goes on. Why would that make me anxious? So she automatically goes a bit deeper into her feelings and because she has done that for so long, she is quite good at expressing how she is feeling. And that is what a good song does to you, it sees the deeper stuff that you connect to but struggle to express yourself.”
“Wow. That means she is going to keep doing it. Saying these one liners that have me grabbing my notebook?” Eve asked.
“Probably. I am no expert. I think it will happen more often if Soph has more experiences and is asked how she feels. Which will happen automatically if you like her, because you will keep her around you and be interested in how she feels.”
“Getting her sorted has to come first. If they agree to stay with us, Soph should be able to start school.” Eve said adamantly. She felt very strongly about children getting educated.
“That is true. What about the singing lessons you have organised?” I asked.
“I still want her to continue them. I will organise with Danica to come another time. The good news on that front is that Danica is quite impressed with her. She does her best to follow instructions without argument. I'm not sure this will work out but one of the songs Soph has inspired related to someone growing up in the song. I thought she could pretend to be a mini me and help me sing the song. Maybe even coming on tour with us, since it will be summer holidays anyway, and helping me with that number. It would only be one song, and I don't know if her voice or the song will be good enough. I think it has potential, but only time will tell.”
Chapter 19 Sophia's POV
When Laura sent me off to be waxed, I pleaded with my eyes for her to relent, to no effect. I had helped Jen with a home waxing kit and knew it was really painful. She had offered to do a section on me, so that I would know what it felt like, but I was too chicken. I knew I wasn't getting out of it this time. They ended up doing everywhere and I mean everywhere, apart from my head. I was only just restarting puberty so I was pretty straggly and the easiest answer to tidy it up was to remove the lot. It was all painful, but some areas were more painful than others. I tried to distract myself by rating the different areas. The worst were the pubic ones, I will say no more on the subject.
When my torture session was finally over my pampering session began and this was when Laura joined me. There was a moisturising wrap, a full body massage that I dozed through most of, eyebrow threading that I had never even heard of before, a touch up mani/pedi, a facial and finally hair and makeup. My wig came off and Laura convinced me to dye the middle section of my hair pink. Eve had hers purple and Laura told me part of the reason was that the haircut without colour looked too butch and nothing shouts out girl more than pink or purple. The wig did go back on afterwards and they carefully shaped it to give it maximum effect.
Before they started my hair or makeup they asked me to get dressed which was a bit confusing, until Laura pointed out our dresses. Yes, dresses. As part of my shopping trip Laura had taken me for an awkward session of trying on formal dresses or evening gowns. I am still unsure if they are the same thing or something different. I say awkward because I had no idea how to put most of them on or do up. Laura was also trying some on, picked out by Daphne, so we ended up in a cubicle together helping each other.
Judging by my breast development, I am pretty sure that I have good estrogen levels so I am beginning to suspect that my orientation isn't going to change. All I will say, purely from a looking point of view, Laura is hot, smokin' and damn sexy. And that was when she wasn't trying. Eve is one lucky girl.
So we both got changed. Laura removed her disguise and we had to wear these protective cloaks to keep our gowns pristine. They did a much more thorough makeup session on my face and I wasn't allowed to look until everything was finished and the cloak was off. The person in the mirror was a stranger. I was barely used to looking at myself as Sophia. The wig made the biggest change, but I had been getting used to that throughout the day, so I wasn't as shocked as I could have been. I looked beautiful. If I wasn't already in love with Jen, I would have thought the person in front of me was prime dating material. Out of my league, actually. Wow. I looked across at Laura who looked amazing. I was expecting that, the huge smile as she looked me over, like a proud mother, was a bit of a surprise.
“What do you think?” She asked.
“I think I am going to give Gem a heart attack.” I replied. “I like it. It scares me a little, but I like it. So, what is next?”
“Shoe shopping. We have to find the right shoes for these dresses.”
I thanked the ladies who had worked on me while Laura sorted out the bill, then we left arm in arm. There was a big difference in how the people in the mall looked at us now. I'm pretty sure that Laura was recognised a few times. Fortunately, we moved briskly and no one approached us.
Laura noticed it too and the first thing she did when we entered the shoe shop was organise more visible body guard protection which arrived while we were going through the shoes. Laura fell in love with a black high heeled stiletto almost immediately. She then spent then next ten minutes convincing me to wear a three inch heel stiletto. She taught me how to walk in them and then insisted that by the time we had reached the car I would be walking like a pro. I am not sure I wanted that. Still, they weren't uncomfortable, just unbalanced. We walked again, arm in arm, to the limo. This time we had four men who bracketed us. This made us much more visible and everyone knew a star was walking amongst them. Walking arm in arm was a good thing or I think I would have fallen over a few times and considering the phones that were pointing in our direction I wouldn't have gotten away with it.
The bodyguards travelled with us. I was glad that they were with us, but at the same time, they were strangers and men, so my anxiety had kicked up a notch and I spent most of the car journey doing calming exercises. Laura looked at me a bit concerned, but didn't ask me anything. I was quite relieved when we arrived at the restaurant and left the men behind as we were ushered to a private booth. Laura told me that she had wanted us to make an entrance to stun Eve and Gem even more, so she had asked to be warned when they arrived. We would then take a quick trip to the ladies, check that everything was in place and make our entrance heading back to the booth.
A few minutes later we were staring in the mirror in the rest room. Laura was checking that she was as perfect as she could be. I was looking at this pretty girl looking back at me and trying to work out my feelings. I noticed the stud earrings glinting, partially covered by blonde hair that came down to my shoulders. I was wearing a dark green satiny type dress that hugged my small curves and showed off my padded breasts and slightly in and out feminine figure. I struggled with my walk. Laura told me that I had to stop walking like a man and embrace my womanhood. With these heels on it was walk the way she showed me that included a bum wiggle, or fall over. My face was naturally feminine and the makeup enhanced that to give me huge looking eyes on a truly beautiful heart shaped frame. Part of me was saying 'this isn't me' and part was saying 'don't I look beautiful'.
“You ready?” Laura asked me.
“No.” I replied. Laura just laughed and led me back to the table, arm in arm again. This time, I think it was so I wouldn't run away.
Gem and Eve were sitting at the table talking. Gem stopped when she saw me, her mouth left open, surprised and shocked. Eve noticed Gem not responding and followed where she was looking.
“Yes! Now that is what I am talking about.” Eve exclaimed. She looked at me briefly and smiled at me and then turned her attention to her fiancée. Her expression turned to one of lust and appreciation. The waiter approached and helped us into our seats. I always thought the man helping a woman into her seat was a nice courtesy and a show of gentlemanly behaviour. Walking unsteadily on heels and trying to keep my dress in the right place as I sat down, gave me a whole other meaning to the action. Necessity.
Gem had obviously gone home and got herself ready for the restaurant. She was wearing a type of business suit, with a grey skirt and jacket, cream shirt with gold necklace and earrings to accessorise. Full makeup expertly applied and hair carefully arranged. Eve on the other hand was in jeans and a T shirt. She did have dramatic makeup applied, so I knew she had made an effort, but her version of making an effort was very different to Laura and Gem. It suited her though. With her purple dyed hair and I would guess B cup breasts held in a black bra so that they were clearly seen through her white T shirt, she still looked very female and proud of it. I don't think she could have pulled off dainty or subtle or even graceful. She was beautiful in her own unique way.
We went through the obligatory round of compliments when a woman has made an effort, with all of them commenting on how beautiful I looked. You don't really get compliments as a guy, so it was a new experience for me and I didn't really know how to handle it. I probably came off as shy and demure, compared to the reality which was lost, confused and unsure. I tried to lose myself in the menu which really didn't have that many items on it anyway.
We selected our drinks along with our starter and main courses. It was interesting to see the difference between when I had taken Jen out for a meal and here in LA. I'm not sure if it was the quality of the restaurant, or the just Eve's forceful personality, but service was excellent. I remember struggling to try to get the attention of a waiter. All Eve had to do was look up and catch their eye, which was inevitably looking in her direction anyway and instant service. It almost made me laugh how she could get such instant obedience that for some reason, made me think she would be a great mother.
Once that was settled, Eve and Laura looked at each other, held each others hands and turned to us.
“We have ulterior motives to bringing you here.” Eve said, looking at us both seriously. “We need to ask you something, but before we do, I just want to explain something. I love having money. The fame side of things is a double edged sword, it gives and takes away at the same time, but money, on its own is a wonderful thing. It gives you choices that those without don't have. The challenge to having money is not the money itself, but other people's reaction to you having it. Some people become angry that you are not spending it on them and others become upset when you do. I want to offer to do something nice for you two, but I want it to be clear. This is not charity.”
“We darling. We, as a couple, would like to ask you to move in with us.” Laura continued. Gem looked like she was going to interrupt, but Laura held her hands up to stop and objections. “Before you say anything let me finish, please.” Gem clearly wanted to say something, however, she visibly controlled herself and nodded for Laura to continue. “Yes, we know that you are living in a one bedroom flat and yes, we know that you can find something else. What you need to realise is that both of you are helping us immensely and we hope will continue doing so into the future, which would be made easier if you lived with us. Gem, after the wedding I would like to offer you the job of my personal assistant. My previous PA betrayed me and I have struggled to trust anybody, let alone someone with access to all my secrets. In the past year you have gained my trust. I know you wouldn't sell me out, besides which you have all the organisation abilities to fulfil the role.”
Gem paused for a moment to think about her answer. “I think I would like to be your PA, if I can work it out with looking after Soph. I am a bit worried that if I go with you wherever your next movie is filmed, what will happen with Soph?” She said looking at me. “I'm not sure we should be living with you, though.”
“My turn.” Eve said. “I think Soph moving in helps both her and me. Win, win. Soph needs somewhere stable so she can go back to school and a fifteen year old girl needs her own space. Let's face it, we have plenty of space. I need someone who can help me spark my creative side. She has given me ideas for four songs already and before that I haven't had any for two years. All songs that she helps me with I will credit her on the album and even give a percentage of the royalties. I need Soph and she needs a stable home. So, as I said, win, win. If Laura does need to go to another country for her movie career, or even out of state, there are a couple of options. Soph is fifteen, almost sixteen and a mature one at that. If you felt comfortable with my guardianship, I could look after her, or Eve could cope without you on site and phone for any help, that is what she has been doing, but using my PA.”
“What does Soph have to do to help you?” Gem asked curiously.
Eve laughed. “If I knew that, anyone could do it. When I spend time with her and chat with her, she will just say something that hits me like a bolt out of the blue and suddenly I have an idea for a song. What does she have to do? Spend time with me. That's it.”
“What do you think Soph?” Gem asked me.
“Yes, definitely yes. Gem needs a decent night sleep and I keep disrupting her. Longer term, I guess it will be down to how we all get on.”
“As I said, a very mature young lady. So Gem what do you think?” Eve asked Gem.
Gem turned to me. “Honey, it is not your fault.” She said stroking my arm. Then she turned to Eve and Laura. “OK and thank you.” She then looked directly at Laura. “I know what you have been through and I will never betray you, I promise. As far as bedrooms are concerned, could I be next door to Soph, she has been having a few troubles sleeping so I want to be close.”
“She is being kind.” I add. “I am waking up in the middle of the night, screaming like a baby. I need a soundproof room, far from anybody else.”
That got a chorus of no's. Followed by Eve saying, “You have both agreed to live with us, that is now fixed in stone.” Her hand came down on the table startling me a little. “Whatever you say next is not going to change anything. I have tried not to pry, but can you tell us more? Can we do something to make it better?” She finished saying with a gentle voice.
If they were just Gem's employers then it was none of their business. Now that they were inviting us into their lives and, let's be honest, have been nothing but kind and generous, they deserved to know everything. Or at least, everything that was believable.
Gem looked at me, leaving it up to me as to what to say. I took a deep breath. “My skiing holiday did not end well. The short of it is, I was attacked by a man jacked up on ice. This happened in the middle of the night. I managed to scream before he got to me. He tried to suffocate me with a pillow and before I passed out I heard my father interfere.” I had to stop for a few moments to calm myself. Even talking about it, brought back memories. “When I awoke I found out that he had attacked both my parents and they did not survive. Actually, I didn't find that out until several days later when Gem arrived to take me away. Since then I seem to have developed an anxiety towards strange men and a tendency to wake up in the middle of the night screaming.”
“Not just screaming.” Gem added. “She wakes up terrified, shaking with fear. I need to be close to try and reassure her.”
“You can't carry on doing that Gem. You haven't had a decent night's sleep in ages. I appreciate it, I really do, but you need some time off. I'll survive a few nights waking up scared.”
“Have you tried that emotional technique on her? That worked really well with me.” Laura asked.
“Yes she has.” I answered. “And I was so much worse before, especially about any male presence. She said and I agree with her, that I just need evidence to reassure my mind that men are not a threat all the time. The longer I go on experiencing normal situations and no male aggression, the more my mind will relax and see that as normal.”
“You need a therapist. We will sort one out for you tomorrow and you are not hiding away. You have been through a horrendous experience, what you need is love and kindness not, NOT isolation.” Eve said with finality. “If need be we can take turns at night.” I was about to argue with her, but Eve can be quite forceful when she wants to be and I struggled to say anything while she was staring at me so intently. “No, buts!” She said sternly, heading off any comments I might want to make.
I don't know why, but suddenly I started crying. I felt more than one set of arms hugging me, but I was crying too much to see who it was. It turned out it was everybody. I was so lucky. I didn't even know why I was crying, but I struggled to stop for the longest time. Then we went en mass to the rest room, constantly touched, hugged, caressed, loved.
Chapter 20
Laura helped me touch up my makeup. I think my face still looked a fright, my eyes all puffy and red. We still had a lovely dinner, although the conversation was geared towards what happens next. Tomorrow Gem had the morning off as it was Saturday, but she needed to be in for the afternoon. The plan was to pack as much as we could that morning so that we could move in when Gem went to work.
In the meantime, Eve, who had contacts in the educational world through certain charities that she supported, was going to try and get me enrolled in the local high school called Trousdale High School. There were a heap of complications in the way, but Eve believed that I could be starting school on Monday and paperwork could follow later. That was when I discovered that the paperwork for Gem to be my legal guardian had not been completed. The authorities in the small skiing village had accepted documentation that Gem was my Aunt and that it was the will of my parents that she be my legal guardian. Having it all become official was a much more long winded process. On top of that, Gem would struggle to prove that she was a resident, so Eve was going to present herself as my guardian and we could sort out the rest later. That is not even considering the differences between my English education and the American system. On top of that I had worries about attending school as a girl and as a new girl at that.
There were a few things that I still needed. If I was going to attend high school I was going to need a school approved gym kit, a phone, handbag and purse. There was no school uniform as such. That was good and bad. Good in terms of not having to wear skirts or other items that I wasn't comfortable with yet. Bad in the sense that I would probably be judged by what clothes I wore. I was half tempted to wear the wig so that I would fit in better. Only half tempted because I would constantly worry that something would reveal its presence especially during gym class and also I didn't like the thought of doing anything just to fit in. I wanted people to accept me for who I was.
That night, our last night in the one bedroom flat, my mind was going crazy with everything that was going on, so I thought I would never go to sleep. At the same time I was really tired, both from consistently disturbed nights and crying like a baby. Despite my worries I fell asleep pretty much as soon as my head hit my pillow.
It was one of my best nights for a while. I still woke up terrified, but I don't think I screamed and Gem didn't wake up. It took me a while to calm myself down and I will admit to moving closer to Gem so that I could just feel the contact of her hands on my back. That seemed to be enough to give me reassurance and yet not disturb her sleep. When I next woke up, Gem was still asleep, so I slipped out of bed as quietly as possible.
I had wanted to phone Jen last night, but it would have been very early Saturday morning for Jen, so I put it off until this morning. I used my laptop to skype Jen and we had a long conversation. To prevent my voice from waking Gem, I put the lid down and sat on the toilet. That way I was able to close the bathroom door and hope that she wasn't disturbed. I was able to tell her about everything that had been going on. She didn't have much to tell me since nothing exciting had happened to her, but I still wanted to know. Her normalcy that she felt was boring, was soothing to me. I guess I did want a more stable, settled life at the moment.
I was able to tell her that I thought my orientation was definitely towards girls, the fact that she didn't encourage that direction to the conversation made me feel that she still fancied men, which was hardly surprising. It still saddened me and as always she could guess my emotions. It didn't seem to matter which body I was in, she could read me like a book. I could see her almost having an internal debate to work out what to tell me. In the end, she admitted that she was starting to see me as more of a sister than anything else. I didn't want to make her feel bad and I also didn't want to hold her back, so I told her I was lucky to have such a wonderful sister and that my sister needed to go on dates. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to hear all about them without twisting the knife even deeper.
She responded that I needed to do the same, which really let me know the relationship was over. She also admitted that although she was finding other boys attractive, she had no intention of having any romantic entanglements until after her exams. My heart was broken and in pieces somewhere through my feet and into the flat underneath. We finished our talk shortly after that bombshell, both trying to be supportive to each other, but both failing. I shut the laptop and crawled back into bed for a good cry. Gem woke to that and curled herself around me.
When I was a bit more recovered I told Gem what had happened. She was quiet for a while before telling me that there really wasn't anything she or anybody else could say that would make me feel better. She had a more practical solution. Keep busy, don't torture yourself with it and there was enough to do. We went out and got some boxes and then proceeded to pack up everything. I didn't have much here, so I was finished with my stuff really quickly. Gem, as organised as ever, spent the first few minutes making lists. I just did my best to follow instructions and not think of anything else. Of course that didn't completely work. Waves of sadness would hit me periodically, but that just told me I wasn't focussing on whatever task I was doing properly and I redirected my attention. We didn't have to worry about the furniture since that was all provided at Eve's place. When the truck arrived to carry it all for us, we had finished and were taking a breather. Two guys got out and moved it all for us. Half an hour later the limo arrived.
The caterers had brought lots of different hors d'oeuvres. Fancy nibbles for a fancy party. Eve, Laura, Gem and Lisa were trying them and giving opinions. I wasn't really hungry. I tried a couple that Laura enthused about, but excused myself quickly. I knew I wasn't good company, so I changed into workout clothes and hit the gym. I think I was punishing myself for feeling bad. Whenever my mind wandered in the wrong direction, I would do some gym exercise to push my limits and stop me thinking about anything else.
After an hour I was dripping with sweat and almost ready to collapse. I don't think there wasn't one part of my body that I hadn't worked to exhaustion. Even walking was a struggle. Eve came in and sat down near me.
“I'm here if you want to talk. Gem told me what happened.”
“I don't want to take you away from your wedding plans.” I told her.
She laughed. “I was finished after five minutes. I tasted each one, told them which ones I liked and which ones I didn't. Laura loves this stuff, debating which would be more suitable etc. etc. I think Gem told me to give me an excuse to get away. I was bored out of my mind. Why don't we have a sit in the hot tub and you can tell me all about it.”
We both got changed and settled into the hot water. We didn't switch the bubbles on as it made talking difficult. I didn't know what to say, so Eve decided to start us off and gave the true story of her last boyfriend. The male model called Pablo. She did ask me to keep this to myself, but apparently, she didn't dump him because he was being unfaithful with some girls in Las Vegas. He was being unfaithful with Gavin, Laura's partner. There were photos that were pretty damning. The clever photographer showed them to Laura hoping to get a reaction and more photos, instead she had bought them off him for significantly more than he would have been able to sell them to a magazine for. Gavin apologised profusely. His father would disown him if he ever found out. He pretended to be really upset and angry, but actually paid for her to go to the Mauritius with a partner as a thank you. Eve wasn't really in love with Pablo, just in lust, since he had an amazing body and a penis the size of a barge pole. Eve smiled in reminiscence. He had inspired quite a few sexy songs. The point was, that led to her having a holiday with Laura and falling in love, way deeper than she had ever been before. Was she hurt? Of course she was. Her ego took a real hit when the man she was dating needed anther man to satisfy him. However, it led to something much better. If both her and Laura were not hurt in the first place, they probably wouldn't have opened up to each other as much as they did.
“Do you still love her?” Eve asked me finally.
“Yes.” I replied.
“Love is precious and the great thing is there is no limit to it. Do you want to stop loving her?”
“No.” I took a deep breath. “I can't blame her for wanting a sister relationship rather than anything else. She has always been attracted to men and as I have moved away from a more masculine persona, I suppose it was inevitable that she would find me less attractive.” I sighed. “I want her to be happy. My biggest fear is that this will drive us apart. I want her to go on dates and then phone me all excited and tell me all about it. At the same time I am both worried that she won't do that because she doesn't want to hurt me and that she will and it breaks my heart even worse. I am a mess.” I confessed to Eve.
“Love is messy. But what you are worrying about is silly. You are scared of a future that hasn't happened yet. Why think the worst when you can imagine the best. How about this. You meet someone wonderful, fall hopelessly in love and are able to share it all with Jen. When she meets someone, she knows that she doesn't have to worry about hurting you anymore so she tells you everything and because you love someone else so much, all you feel is happiness. Doesn't that sound better?”
“Maybe.” Logically I could see where she was going, but emotionally I was struggling to get there.
“What you mean is yes, but you want to wallow in your heartbreak first. I have a solution for that.”
She did too. We got out of the hot tub and got dressed. She led me back the stage and set up the microphone. This time she also set up a stand and put an ipad on it and we spent an hour or so singing the saddest songs we could find on you tube. Sometimes I cried during the song, and my voice broke, but we didn't stop, just went to the next one and continued until I felt cried out and begged her to stop. We then went for the happiest songs we could find and spent the next hour, singing, dancing and having fun. I can't deny I did feel a lot better at the end of it. I hadn't really lost Jen. We would always be close. If I was being positive, maybe even closer, since we had more to share. It was just different to the dreams I had previously held about our relationship. I now needed to create more positive dreams for our future where we are both happy.
Chapter 21
In much better spirits, trying my best not to let myself spiral again thinking about Jen, I took my possessions to my new room. The bed was piled high with clothes and shoe boxes. I had to check that I had the right room. Laura just smiled at me and told me this was the result of our shopping trip. It was now my job to take the tags off everything and hang it up in the wardrobe. She also wanted me to practice wearing the heels and asked if I would like a few suggestions in deportment. I said yes and then had to sneak away to look up deportment. I think she is taking this feminine thing a bit too far, but her heart is in the right place and I struggle to say no to her.
That evening we had dinner, just the four of us at the dining room table. Maria cooked for us as usual, but for whatever reason never sat down and ate with us. I don't think that it was because she wouldn't be welcome, more of a case that she wanted to keep her distance. Eve told us that she had managed to arrange for us to visit the principle of the high school on Monday, with a provisional start on Tuesday. They had managed to enter me on the system as a foreign exchange and would change it when the appropriate paperwork caught up.
Tomorrow they had managed to book me an appointment with a Psychologist. The first session was going to be more of an evaluation. Considering my history, they wanted to make sure that my night terrors were not associated with my previous diagnosis of Gender dysphoria. When I was researching I found so many different names for the same thing, I wondered if different doctors called it different things. Anyway, not something that I was looking forward to. At least Gem had already contacted my relatives in England and knew who my therapist was. I could pretend to know who had been treating me. My concern about tomorrows session, in combination with my heartbreak about my change in relationship with Jen, meant that I was expecting a bad night. I was glad that I was in my own room and each room was quite spacious. I just hoped that if I did scream it wouldn't wake anybody else up.
That was not to be. I woke up to the sound of my own scream. I think I even whimpered a few times. My door opened quickly and I presumed Gem got into bed with me and held me. Looking back there were some tell tale differences. She murmured reassurances, but not the usual ones and the hug and spoon felt off. At the time I was in such a state that all I knew was someone caring and female was comforting me. I found out in the morning that it was Laura. As to how they heard me, they had placed a fricken baby monitor outside my door. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I saw it. Not that I immediately knew what it was, but I was curious about this object just outside my door. When I picked it up any noise I made caused it to light up and when I looked at the small print on the back it identified itself as a baby monitor.
It also made me glad that I hadn't tried masturbating yet. I had been debating it. I had some pleasant sensations when washing and just wasn't quite at ease enough with myself to start down that road. Now I laughed with the thought of them catching me at it. That was definitely going to be off the list for awhile.
I could be upset about the invasion of privacy and I would be if they had caught me in some humiliating way. I could see, however, that they were just trying to look after me and last night I was freaked out enough that I really appreciated their efforts. The fact that it was Laura was quite heart warming. I knew her the least and I knew that Gem needed the sleep, so I was grateful rather than distressed. I sneaked out to the lounge, trying to leave Laura to sleep in.
I opened up my laptop and sent Jen a long email. I knew that our conversation yesterday had been strained and I hated that. So I wrote from my heart, telling her that I had been upset because a cherished dream had been broken, but I realised this gave me the opportunity to create a new dream where both my sister and myself found and shared in each others happiness. I asked her, begged her, really, to share everything with me and I would do the same with her. If we were going to be sisters, I wanted to be the best damn sister I could be.
Maria always has Sunday off as she is quite religious and usually one day during the week, but is quite flexible. This meant we had to sort ourselves out for breakfast. Laura was the next to wake up and she decided to cook breakfast, so I did my best to help her. They had a proper coffee machine, where you just put the correct sachet in the top and pressed a button. Pretty soon after the bacon started frying, Gem and Eve made an appearance. I took their drink orders and delivered them to the dining table.
After breakfast I had to get ready for my therapist. I think Laura was delighted that I asked for her advice as to what to wear. To be honest, it was a strategic decision. Gem, I am sure has good taste, but she twenty years older than me so her knowledge of teen fashion is going to be limited. Eve likes expressing herself, but is clearly not interested in dressing up. Laura is only ten years older than me, is always very careful about what she wears and spent a whole day with me, being lectured by Daphne as to what was appropriate. It also gave me the opportunity to thank Laura for last night. When I did that, I think I was feeling a little ashamed and couldn't lift my eyes to her, until she put her finger under my chin and forced me to. Then she made sure to keep eye contact and said “you're welcome”.
She first asked about how comfortable I was with dresses and skirts. I replied that I was better than I was, but not completely there yet. She loved the yet, but suggested that for a therapist visit, I should start in my comfort zone, so she picked out a pair of jeans, a pretty bra and pantie set, a lilac top, white socks and pink sneakers. Clearly female without being too feminine. I presented myself to her after my shower, styling my hair and getting dressed for a final check, she then led me back to her walk in robe and put on some mild makeup. A touch of mascara, blusher and lipstick. Then she said I was done.
I thought we were going to have to drive to see this doctor. Instead he came to visit us. Gem and I waited in the waiting lounge for him to arrive and then answered the door when he did. Dr Rose was a big guy, over six foot and solid with it. I realised immediately that this was not going to work. Through no fault of his own, he triggered my anxiety. I wasn't at panic levels, but the closer he was to me the more uncomfortable I felt and I certainly wasn't going to be able to relax and open up to him. I didn't want to be rude, so I thought I would have to tough out this session and then speak to Gem afterwards.
I was given a questionnaire and left Gem to discuss my issues while I filled it out in another room. I had seen similar ones on the net when I was researching transgenderism. I can't deny I thought it was a pretty pointless exercise since I knew my issues related to my attack. The only time I was stressed about my gender identity was when I was considering going through with female to male transition.
I filled it out as best I could, handed it Dr Rose and then chose the seat in the lounge furthest away from him. He then asked Gem to leave so that we could talk privately and moved so that he was much closer to me. Both actions make perfect logical sense, but my mind struggled with his actions.
I knew my posture had become a lot more defensive, my breathing was faster than I wanted and my heart rate had elevated. I tried to do some calming techniques that usually involve me closing my eyes, but, by the sound of it, he was getting irritated, thinking that I was ignoring him.
“Sss sorry dddoctor, you arrre making meee nervous.” I managed to get out.
“How am I making you nervous? I haven't done anything.” He responded. He probably said it in an ordinary tone of voice. I knew your mind can play tricks on you when adrenaline and stress hits your body. Instead, I heard anger and annoyance in his voice that made me edge more towards panic. I don't think I was capable of doing my calming exercises anymore. I couldn't close my eyes, take deep breaths and visualise a safe place. I felt an irresistible need to keep my eyes on him so I would know exactly where he was.
Something in my posture, words, expression or maybe just my eyes, allowed him to realise that he couldn't talk to me right then. He thankfully backed off a bit and pulled out his phone. I didn't concentrate on what he was saying. I was almost fixated on knowing exactly where he was and whether he was going to be moving in my direction.
A short while later, Gem and Eve came in together. Eve talked to the doctor and Gem came over to wrap me up in a hug and murmur soothing words. I couldn't really let it go until I saw Eve lead him out the room towards the exit.
Chapter 22 Agent Atworth's POV
I entered the directors office clutching the file that I had been given three hours ago. He indicated for me to take a seat.
“Well, what do you think?” He asked me.
“It's incredible.” I replied.
“What are your conclusions?” He prompted.
“That we may have an UE inhabiting a human body. The evidence is all circumstantial, but it is all pointing in that direction.” I suggested.
“Walk me through your thought processes, I will play devil's advocate.” He asked. It was one of those times I wondered if he was just giving me enough rope to hang myself.
“We have multiple accounts of the bus being delayed by four hours and plenty of subjects who all remember the same thing. Falling off the cliff and then waking up to find themselves unharmed, parked nearby. We have examined the probable site where this occurred and there is a clear path of destruction to the flora and fauna. No other evidence.”
“Could that have been from a previous accident?” He argued.
“If it was from anything previous, it should have been reported or the railing should either be damaged or show signs of being replaced. We would also expect some small evidence from a cleared site, like tyre marks, leaking fluids or bits of glass. We can be fairly sure that we have an UEI. This is not the first time this has happened and fits with similar occurrences, except for,” I had a quick check to get the names right, “Richard Leane and Dillan Trent.”
“What was different?”
“All previous UEI's have been benign. No one has been hurt or negatively effected in any way. In this case Richard and Dillan started behaving completely out of character. Dillan immediately emptied his bank accounts and sold his business to his girlfriend. He then proceeded to ski like an expert, when he had never skied before. He also started drinking copious amounts of alcohol and started taking drugs. He became aggressive and reckless which is not at all like his usual character. His girlfriend broke up with him and he managed to convince Amy and Peter Leane to put him up in their suite.”
“What do you think the purpose of that would be?”
“I think it was a set up for what happened next.” I replied honestly. “Richard who was a transitioning female to male transexual, reversed his course almost overnight. Started calling herself Sophia and hanging out with Jennifer Wakefield, Dillan's girlfriend. We spoke to Richard's Psychologist and he was convinced that Richard would never change his mind. He was a classic, almost textbook, case. There had never been any doubts and the only reason he had not been on testosterone or had any surgery was for age and legal reasons. As further evidence that Richard was not really Richard, there is video of Sophia swimming in a spa hotel. Richard could not swim.”
“OK, so they were behaving out of character, how do you conclude that Richard who now calls herself Sophia, is an Unidentified Entity?” He asked me.
“If I was to imagine that I was an UE impersonating a human, then I would need to get rid of anybody who knew me or disassociate myself from all of them. By getting Dillan to kill off her parents, perhaps knowing that she would be taken to the states by someone who didn't know her, she would achieve her goals. She could then be completely different to the original and no one would be the wiser.”
“What about Dillan attacking her as well?”
“Misdirection. She becomes a victim, which would garner sympathy. Notice he attacks her in a way that does not physically damage her.” I reply.
“What about the psychological trauma that the doctor at the hospital reported?” He asked me.
“I figure that could be more play acting, looking vulnerable so that others will look after her or it could be real, relating to an UE getting to grips with a human body. There is no solid evidence to any of this, so it is all a thought exercise.” I suggest.
“If you were in charge of the case what would you do next?” He was looking at me very seriously when he said that, so I knew my next words would be crucial if I wanted the case.
“Obviously this could be an incredible opportunity. To be able to finally communicate with a UE would be amazing. The possibilities are mouth watering. Their technology is so far in advance of ours, if we could convince Sophia to talk we could end up with a huge technical advantage over the other nations. Economically and militarily we could become unassailable. I see two possible approaches. Become friends with her and try and get her to co operate with us, or capture her and use stronger means to get her compliance. In order to work out which direction to take, I think we need more information to determine which way to go, at the same time we have to make sure no other nation gets their hands on her. I would suggest we try and get an undercover agent close to her and create a constant perimeter around her so she can't escape.”
“There is good news on that front. Sophia has just moved into General Hatwell's daughters house, better known as Eve. General Hatwell mainly works in intelligence and Eve, his daughter, has been a useful operative in her own right. Her music tours have given us the ability to gather and move information without suspicion. The case is yours. You have my permission to discuss this case with the General and between you come up with a plan that would be in our nation's interest.” The director told me.
Laura's POV
Something had clearly gone wrong with the therapy session. I found Gem cuddling a panic stricken Soph, while Eve was showing the Psychologist out. Soph looked so vulnerable. I don't think her eyes could get any bigger, she was hugging her knees and shaking. I went to the other side of her and hugged her. Seeing her like that really tugged on my heartstrings. I felt a need to love and protect her that was primal, practically written into my DNA.
Soph went for a little lie down in her bedroom while we had a council.
“What do you think went wrong?” I asked.
“He came highly recommended, specialising in female to male transitions.” Eve replied.
“I think we need someone to help her with her assault. I don't think her issues are about her gender. I also think we should be looking for a female practitioner.” Gem suggested.
“The Psychologist was a man? I don't think that was a good idea. Was he a big man?” I asked.
“Yes, he was huge.” Gem replied.
“She struggled when we had bodyguards during our shopping trip, that may have been enough to trigger her worries. How close was he to her? She was OK when they were at a distance, but started tensing up when they came close.” I mentioned.
“You're right.” Gem responded thoughtfully. “She sat some distance from him and I am guessing he approached her to talk.”
There was a period of quiet while we all digested that.
“That all sounds plausible and can be solved easily by finding a female therapist. The bigger question is, what about school?” Eve asked.
Which left a longer pause while we all considered it.
“What about your emotional technique Gem, have you tried that on her?” I asked. Gem had helped me with some of my emotional issues and I had found it really helped me.
“Yes, I have and she said she is a lot better than she was. She was frightened about just leaving the hospital before I did anything. In my experience, the emotional technique is great for taking the energy out of the emotion and sometimes that is enough in itself, but sometimes it can be about the beliefs that we form. After her attack, her mind has formed the belief that large men are dangerous and for no reason whatsoever could potentially assault her, because that is what happened. It is my belief that the more that doesn't happen the better she will feel and I have seen her calm herself down numerous times when she has begun to feel tense. If she goes to school and we all know there will be some large boys there, if they show her she has nothing to fear, their behaviour could help enormously with her anxiety. On the other hand, if even one large boy is physical with her, it could set her right back. I'm not sure what the right answer is. To be honest, I was hoping to ask the Psychologist today.” Gem responded.
“She can't start school until we know that it would be a good idea. None of us are professionals and that is what we need to guide us. I think you can still do the visit and tour tomorrow, Eve, and we can find another therapist in the meantime.” I said, trying to be firm and sort of put my foot down, even though, she was not my responsibility and I didn't have the right.
Chapter 23 Sophia's POV
I managed to calm myself down just lying in bed. I tried to relax and do my calming exercises. Before I knew it, I was waking up after a short nap. I think emotions are exhausting. Of course, it could just be waking up in the middle of the night on a regular basis. When I was feeling so scared I really appreciated all the love and attention I received, now I was feeling embarrassed. My mind started heading towards some really negative thoughts, calling myself a silly child and worse, so I got out of bed and sheepishly joined the three adults at the table, not quite meeting anybody's eyes.
“Feeling better?” Gem asked me. She was sitting opposite, so facing me.
“Much, thanks. And err... thanks for taking care of me.” I quickly glanced at each of them so they knew I meant all of them.
“You're welcome.” Laura said. She was sitting next to me and she reached to rub my back in a comforting way. “Do you want to tell us what happened?”
I took a deep breath and tried to organise my thoughts. “I think I might need a female therapist. As stupid as it sounds, I started getting scared as soon as I saw him, just because he was a big man. I realised that I would probably find it difficult to relax with him, but I didn't want to be rude, so I was hoping to get through the session and then talk to you.”
“It's not stupid honey.” Gem replied. “Your mind has a valid reason to be scared of big men, we just need to convince it that what happened to you was an anomaly not commonplace. What went wrong?”
“I tried to get some distance to make myself feel better, so I sat as far away as possible. As soon as he asked you to leave, he came a lot closer to me. That stressed me out, so I tried to do my calming exercises. I think he thought I was ignoring him and started becoming irritated and maybe even angry. That made me more anxious so I tried to tell him that he was making me nervous. By that point, I couldn't calm myself down anymore. I hate being so useless.” I said, breaking down and crying into my hands. I can't seem to go five minutes without crying, which made me feel worse and even harder to stop the tears.
Gem reached over to stroke my head and Laura side hugged me. Both telling me that I wasn't useless and I was getting better. The problem with them being so nice was it didn't help me stop the crying.
“Let's change the subject.” Eve declared. “How about a gym workout?” She asked me.
“Yes, please.” Having something else to think about and do helped me the most to calm down. So I got up and went to my room to get changed. I also took a small bag with my swimming costume, since we usually finished with a few laps and a relax in the hot tub.
When I came out everyone else had vanished. I thought about going to the gym on my own and meeting Eve there, but that seemed antisocial so I waited. Gem was the first to join me. She really didn't like doing any gym work, but she would do some swimming and join us in the hot tub at the end. Laura and Eve came out together in their workout gear then we all headed to the gym.
Eve and I tried to do a similar workout to what Jane had pushed us to do, which was a combination of yoga, weights and cardio. Laura did the same but skipped the weights and Gem was out of sight, swimming. I pushed myself, mainly to try and stop thinking, or maybe to punish myself for being hard on myself. I always hated it when Jen was hyper self critical and knew it was not helpful in any way. I wasn't sure if it was a female thing or that my thinking was due to my experiences as a girl.
We then did a few lazy laps in the pool to cool down and jumped into the hot tub. We talked, but by unspoken agreement avoided anything too emotional. It almost felt like we were forming a little family. We ordered pizza and watched movies together. We had to avoid all of Laura's movies since it made her self conscious. Still, she was very knowledgable about the movie industry and was able to pick some great choices. I decided that I needed to watch some of her movies when she wasn't present. They would have more meaning to me now. I would have to chose them carefully, I didn't want to watch any where she was hurt or behaved evil.
It was a lovely, heartwarming, emotionally comforting day, after a terrible beginning. I was so lucky.
We were still gathered in the lounge watching a movie when the day caught up with me and I realised that I needed to go to bed. I wanted some way to say thank you, so I went up to each of them, gave them a hug, kissed them on the cheek and said goodnight. I went through my nightly routine as shown by Amy and started to settle in my bed when I heard a knock on the door.
“Come in.” I called.
Laura came in, already dressed in a nightie, her hair in a sleep braid, clearly also ready for bed. “We had a chat this morning when you had a nap and decided that it would be better if one of us slept with you tonight, if you don't mind.”
I smiled at her. I could hardly refuse and then scream in the night and wake everyone. “I don't mind. Did you draw the short straw?”
“No. I won the honour at a game of cards.” She smiled back at me. “Gem has a lot of work to do tomorrow, Eve sleeps like the dead and probably wouldn't wake anyway, which leaves me. I am happy to do it. I have a naturally trusting nature that has been through a couple of bad experiences recently. It feels good to let someone in again. Helping you is helping me. Tonight almost feels like a sleepover. We have had movies, pizza and now company when we sleep. Practically perfect. I think tonight has been magical for all of us, we will definitely need to repeat it.”
I opened the covers invitingly and she jumped in. When I had slept with Gem before we always started going to sleep separately and then after I needed reassurance, she would cuddle me and we would wake up that way. Laura did not wait for me to need it, but went straight for a cuddle. It was nice and almost spiritually comforting. I fell asleep thinking how nice she was and how so very lucky I was.
I did wake in the night, terrified as usual, but I think Laura knew what was happening before I did and was already stroking me and murmuring soothing words. I may have made some noise when I woke. Not the ear piercing scream I usually manage. The proactive approach was clearly effective. I fell back to sleep quickly. One of my better nights.
Eve told me at breakfast that we were still going to the meeting with the principal and on a tour of the school, but I wouldn't be starting school until a therapist said it would be a good idea. Clearly there were going to be boys and some, especially in the football team, were quite large, so, although Eve wanted me to continue my education, not at the risk to my mental health.
I asked Laura to disguise me. If I was going to tour the school with Eve, and ended up going to that school, I didn't want anyone pretending to be my friend so that they could meet Eve or Laura. I almost expected them to laugh at me. They didn't though, they treated it very seriously. Laura lent me a dark brown hair wig, chose my clothes and did my makeup so that I could hardly recognise myself. My normal day wear was trousers of one type or another, so she chose a dress with a cardigan to keep me warm, nude tights and one of the pairs of three inch heels. Essentially dressing me very different to how I would normally do so. Since I wasn't wearing sunglasses inside, the properly observant could see through the disguise, but very few teenagers were.
Chapter 24
It was just me and Eve going. Eve decided the car journey was the perfect opportunity to discuss what she knew about the school. She had only moved in the last couple of years, so she wasn't a long term resident and could only report what her school contacts had told her. The school was a public school, but it was catering to a very rich area with extremely wealthy contributors. The teachers were said to be first class and the facilities excellent.
Since the catchment area only included the well off to billionaires, they were strict with their admission policies. This meant the diversity of the students was pretty narrow. There had been complaints regarding this and in previous years they had let in a more diverse population, but it had caused tensions so it had been abandoned. They were keen on their football and basketball but not very successful. For the girls there was cheerleading, women's basketball, soccer, track, swimming and gymnastics. I'm guessing the men had more options but Eve had not looked into it or didn't think it was worth mentioning.
I think they had planned the visit to coincide with when everybody should be in class, so when we arrived it was relatively deserted. The grounds were huge and the building well maintained. If I was to guess, I would say that it was built in the 1920's as there was this art deco feel to it. The layout seemed straight forward with wide corridors and lots of lockers.
There were a few stragglers who stared at Eve in surprise, before hurrying off. Eve was holding a map that we used to direct us to the administration area. Gem or Lisa probably printed it out for her. The receptionist offered us drinks while she informed the principal that we had arrived. He came out shortly afterwards, introduced himself and ushered us into his office. He sat himself behind a big wooden desk. Eve sat opposite and I sat next to her.
The man was tall, but thin. I felt wary of him without my anxiety triggering in a big way.
“I believe we can accommodate you, Ms Hatwell. Certainly these are unusual circumstances, and I would like some legal documentation showing that you are her legal guardian at some stage. We have had foreign students here before. We can use transfer information from her previous school and use our assessments, so that she should be able to graduate.”
“That is great, Mr Calder. There are a couple of issues that we needed to discuss, so thank you for granting us some of your time.”
I couldn't help glancing at Eve. She was showing a much more serious side to her than I had seen previously. Still strong and assertive, but now more business like.
“To start with, I presume our conversation is confidential?” Eve continued.
“Of course.”
“We are unsure what name Sophia's school transcripts would come under. Sophia was diagnosed as transgender and had been living as a boy until relatively recently. The school she was attending, was a boy's school where she was known as Richard. Her birth certificate and passport still have her as Sophia, but we don't know under what name the school will send the file.”
“I don't think that will be a problem. The receptionist will have to know and I will need some proof that Richard and Sophia are one and the same, if they come through under Richard. As I said before we can start her off under our protocols for foreign exchange students until we can sort out the paperwork. For stability it would be better if that was done sooner rather than later.” Mr Calder replied.
“I do appreciate your assistance. As I mentioned I am a strong advocate for education and want Soph to start as soon as possible, however, there is a slight snag. Part of the reason that Sophia is in my and her Aunt's care is because she has been through some trauma. Just to be safe we want a therapist to give the go ahead before she starts. Today I will be making some calls and hope to find someone as soon as possible.”
“I would normally suggest that you see our school counsellor. If she couldn't assist you she would know who could. Unfortunately, she has recently resigned.” He looked at us both with a considering look, then took a deep breath. “We have a good school here, with I believe excellent teachers and good students. We have had a recent incident that does not look favourably on us. When Sophia joins us, she would likely find out so it is better if I mention the particulars. The school counsellor, Mrs Bartlett, used to hold confidential group meetings with the LGBT students. Someone, and we don't know who, managed to place hidden cameras in the room and recorded one session. This was then posted on youtube anonymously and shared on facebook. Everyone who was in the closet, so to speak, is now out of the closet. Some parents of those affected have removed their children and those that haven't have reported some isolating behaviour. No outright bullying, for which we have a no tolerance policy. Mrs Bartlett felt responsible and under some pressure from some of the parents, decided to resign. It is not ideal. Right now we need a counsellor more than ever and I am endeavouring to speed up the process of hiring a new one. When I have found a suitable replacement, would you like me to give her your contact details?”
“We may well have solved the issue by then, but, yes, please do.” Eve responded.
“On the presumption that Sophia will be starting at some point, I will give you the papers that you need to fill in, so that we can work out her schedule.”
“That is fine. Is it possible we could have a tour?”
“Absolutely. I will take you myself.”
The principal knew his school like the back of his hand. I am pretty sure that a principal would not ordinarily conduct a tour, but we are talking about Eve here. Even if she didn't want it, she would get special treatment. He showed us the obvious stuff, classrooms, gym, grounds, swimming pool, and specialist areas, like the AV room and music studios. Whilst he was doing so he would also add details, like clubs and opportunities that the school provided.
“So, what do you think?” Eve asked me, as we were driving back.
“The school seems very nice. It does sound a bit worrying about the LGBT students. I am about 90% sure that I am a lesbian. I think ones sexual orientation should be a private matter not something spread across the school. I really feel for those affected.” I'm sure the school may think no bullying is going on. I am also sure that physically hurting someone is only one aspect of bullying. I didn't want to think about that too much, I was well aware that I could well be the next target. “When we were talking to the principal, you mentioned that you would be my legal guardian as well as Gem. I thought we were only saying that to get me in and when we had evidence that Gem and I were living with you, I would just be Gem's legal responsibility?”
“I am sorry, we never asked you and we should have done. We were discussing it yesterday. We can write a letter to say that you are staying at my house with your Aunt. That does not sound like a very stable environment and Laura asked a valid, if uncomfortable question. What would happen to you if Gem was incapacitated? Child services would take you away, no question. Plan for the worst while hoping for the best, is what my dad would always say. Laura said she would be happy to take over, but she is often all over the place with her work, so logically I was a better choice. Do you mind if I also become your legal guardian?”
“No. Of course not. It just caught me by surprise. You both have been so kind to me.” I could feel myself getting emotional again. I blinked back tears. I still wanted her to know how I felt, so I leaned across and kissed her on her cheek. “Thank you.” I said.
Chapter 25
The rest of the day was partially planned. Eve had managed to shift her schedule so that we could still do the singing lessons and gym, even if I was at school. Eve had her lesson or practice session, starting at three and mine was at four pm. Jane was due to start the personal training at five. In the meantime, I had to make some choices as to what to study. Eve and Laura were going to call some friends and see if they had any recommendations regarding therapists.
Essentially there were seven periods in a day. Some subjects were mandatory and some were elective. My choices also had to fit with what was available in terms of class scheduling and I wouldn't know the order of the subjects for the same reason. I could just choose the subjects that I had already studied to make my life easy, but I actually enjoy learning so I wanted to try something new. I didn't have that many choices though. I had to take English, Maths, Science, Gym and Social Studies. Each of these mandatory subjects had a bit of variation. English could be English language or English literature. Science covered individual subjects such as Physics, Chemistry and Biology. It also included combinations and one general, which I guess was a bit of everything. Maths was just a series of levels with descriptions of what was covered. Gym was just Gym, but Social Studies included US history, and since I knew very little about that, it was an easy choice. My two electives were going to be Basic Piano which included music theory and Spanish. I thought if I was getting singing lessons anyway, being able to read and understand music better would be a good idea. I had always wanted to learn Spanish, but it was not offered at my school previously. I then had to add a couple of others in case it was not possible to create a schedule with my options, so I chose Home economics and Typing. Typing sounded a bit boring and I was pretty fast with my finger poke method, but I had always wanted to learn and was tempted to start learning anyway. I (groan) had another two and a half years of schooling in front of me, just when I thought I had almost finished and typing would come in handy with any assignments.
I had to be a little careful in my selections, since I didn't really know that much about Richards life and what he had studied. Gem didn't know either, so there was no one to ask. The school transcripts would be interesting. I hoped I would also get a chance to look at them, then I would have more of an idea what I was supposed to know. Maths was going to be boring. I was taking double maths, which was the equivalent to the first year in university and now I was going to have to pretend a lower level.
Eve came in to look at my choices. She approved my primary options and laughed at my alternatives. She also promised to help me with the music lessons one way or another. While she was with me she got a surprise call from the principal. A quite distinguished psychologist was going to be the new school counsellor. Regardless of whether I saw another therapist, the school counsellor would still like to touch base with me. A new appointment was booked for the next day at the school to meet the counsellor, Dr Barn. After the conversation Eve said she was going to check out the name she had been given and see what information she could find out. She also suggested that it made sense to meet her first before we tried anyone else.
Over lunch she explained what she had found out. She believed that Dr Barn was over qualified and probably only on a temporary assignment. Eve's best guess was that it was due to what had happened with the LGBT student body. This could work out well for me, though.
The rest of the day went well. The singing lesson and gym sessions were fun. Hard work, but fun. I still had to spend quite a bit of the day on my own. Gem was mostly occupied with wedding stuff, Laura would come and chat to me, but she also had her own things that she was doing. Eve likewise would come and see me during her breaks, but she had some new songs to work on, so that is where her focus was. I think I needed to be able to go to school or I would get bored quickly.
That night, Gem slipped into bed with me. I did wake myself up with a scream and Gem did her usual comforting. Within a few seconds of my scream, Laura opened the door to check on me. Saw that I was in Gem's arms and went back to bed. I don't think Laura can help herself from caring, she is such a sweetheart. She is going to make an amazing mother one day. How anyone can even think of betraying her, I don't understand.
The next day Laura took me to school. She wanted to have a look at it herself or, at least, that was her excuse. I think she was like a mother hen and trying to guard me from more potential harm. I didn't think I would have any problems with this therapist. She was female, so my anxiety should not surface. We went straight to the school counsellor's office, fortunately, I knew where it was from my tour the day before. Laura and I were in our disguises. The students were in class and those that were not, did not notice us in the same way they had with Eve.
Dr Barn was a woman in her late fifties, maybe early sixties, with warm brown eyes and a ready smile. Her clothing was professional and very neat. Her hair was more grey than brown and swept back into a bun on the back of her head. Laura wanted to stay and I had no problems discussing anything in front of her. Let's be honest, she had seen me at my worst.
None of my anxiety was present so I had no problem describing all my issues with Dr Barn. She asked me to go through each episode in as much detail as I could and just encouraged me to talk. She occasionally asked a question, usually to make something I said clearer. Also demonstrating that she was listening closely.
Talking about my anxiety attacks didn't stir up my emotions too much. I felt more embarrassed than anything else. Then she asked me to talk about the assault and that was a whole different kettle of fish. As soon as I thought back to it, I started to struggle. By the time I had described the opening scene, where I had woken up and seen Richard in the doorway, I could vaguely feel Laura holding me, my breathing was out of control and my heart rate was going crazy.
Dr Barn stopped me, gave me a few minutes to calm down and then asked for me to imagine going to the cinema. She talked about the foyer with the snacks, popcorn, drinks and people moving around. She mentioned the sounds, the smells and the feel of the cardboard box holding the popcorn. Then I had to picture myself stepping into the projection booth with the projector in front of me and a thick glass window in front of the projector, through which I could see the movie screen. Then we played the movie of the attack, but from a third party point of view. I was separated from the scene by distance and the glass window. It didn't take very long since the event was over pretty rapidly. I still could feel my heart beating fast, but I managed to get through it. Then she asked me something really strange. First she asked me to rewind the tape and imagine Richard walking backwards away from me, followed by playing it again, but Richard had big red clown feet and a red nose clipped on his face. Lastly, after another weird rewind, picturing these clown feet in reverse, we played the movie again, with ice cream van music, an purple afro hairstyle, clown nose and feet. It was getting easier to go through it, so I think it helped.
At the end of it she gave me the go ahead for going to school. She admitted that I might find certain situations stressful. She would speak to the football coach and ask him to speak to his players. The vast majority of the larger boys would be in that group and they would be asked to try and keep their distance. I wasn't sure that would be a good idea. I sort of felt that was like pointing out to a wolf pack the weakest member of the herd. Still, I presumed she knew what she was doing. She did want me to come in early each day for a quick half an hour session with her before the day began. She was hoping that my exposure at the school would help cure me of my anxiety around men. If I was to get too anxious at any point, I had her permission to come straight to her office. So I was starting school tomorrow.
After I had finished with Dr Barn, we gave our filled in forms back to the school receptionist. Tomorrow, they would hand me my schedule and locker designation. They would also try and find someone with a similar schedule to accompany me on my first day. I also got permission to give Laura a quick tour, which also helped me lock in my knowledge of where everything was.
It was only when we were travelling back that I started wondering if I had called my attacker Richard or Dillan. A cold sweat with a chill caused me to shiver briefly. Laura noticed and asked if anything was wrong. I put it down to feeling wrung out from my session with Dr Barn. We spent the rest of the limo drive with Laura cuddling me, trying to make me feel better. I wish I could tell them the truth. I debated getting Gem to show them the diary. The problem was that there was no real evidence and the truth was really hard to be believed. I think Laura might believe me, she is less sceptical in general. Eve on the other hand doesn't seem to believe in anything. Telling her would almost certainly be a mistake. I may have to tell Laura anyway. If she heard me say Richard, then she may start to question our story soon. I would check with Gem, but I think we should tell Laura and then ask her whether we should tell Eve.
Chapter 26
The first opportunity I had to talk to Gem, I asked for a private meeting. She couldn't straight away, but after a promised five minutes that ended up being half an hour, we met in my bedroom. I explained what had happened with Dr Barn and the love that Laura was showing and my desire to come clean. I also mentioned my fears about Eve and my thoughts that if we convinced Laura, she could decide what to do with Eve.
Gem thought it was my decision really. She also said that if I can slip up once, I probably will do again some time. If I wanted her to, she would speak to Laura after lunch and use the Diary as evidence. After lunch Eve would be working on her music, then her singing lesson and not long after that her personal training session, so Laura would have time to digest and ask questions when she wanted. I asked if I should be there and Gem suggested against it.
I felt relieved and stressed at the same time. It was the right decision. I knew it was the right decision. If it didn't go well, we might well be back in the one bed flat. I'm not sure whether Gem had cancelled that lease and I didn't want to ask. I wouldn't be going to that school and I would lose two friendships that were beginning to mean a lot to me. Real worse case scenario, they told the MIB and I was taken away. What was that saying again about good intentions?
To keep myself distracted I started looking at the different subjects that I had chosen and any studying I could do regarding them. I picked a book on American history that had a lot of good reviews. I couldn't buy it though. Something else to add to the list, get an American bank account. Not much point until I had some money to put in it. I might have to ask Gem for a loan. I also needed a phone. I hate asking for things. Another reason to be frustrated by my change in circumstance. I took a deep breath and realised that I was just replacing my nervousness with other emotions. I was getting angry and irritable. This was not me. I needed to get this out of my system. I still had a personal training session later, but I needed to do something now. I checked my watch. Lunch was still an hour away. Time enough to do some laps of the pool. I got changed quickly and headed for the pool. I started with a couple of warm up laps and then I went full speed, giving it everything. Two lengths was all it took and I was shattered. Slow lengths until I had recovered then one fast one, then back to slow. I must have zoned a bit. It took Gem tapping me on the head when I reached one end to bring me back to reality.
“Lunch is ready.” She said and left me to it.
I hurried myself, not bothering with more than a rinse off. When I arrived I apologised for being late, which everyone waved off. The food was great as usual, but I wasn't that hungry, so I only really picked at it. My stomach felt off. I knew the stress was getting to me. After lunch I tried to have a nap. It was impossible though, I tossed and turned completely uncomfortable. I knew Gem would be speaking to Laura any second and my life could change in an instant.
I needed to occupy myself with something. I decided to write a letter. I wrote to Eve and Laura, telling them how much I appreciated them and all they had done for me. The love, care and tenderness that they had shown had really warmed my heart. That I had to begun to care deeply for them both and wished them all the happiness in the world. If they felt deceived in any way or uncomfortable with my presence, I would go, but I would never betray their trust in any way. It took a long time to come up with the right words for a letter that I hoped would never be read. That is not quite what happened though. I was sitting at the kitchen table typing it out on my laptop. I had just about finished when I felt this hand on my shoulder.
“Eeep!” An involuntary sound escaped as I leap half a foot straight up from my chair from surprise. Heart rate approaching the speed of light, I twisted my head to see Laura standing behind me with tears in her eyes.
“Oh honey.” She said, now holding her hand open, body language requesting a hug.
I got out of the chair and hugged her, crying like crazy. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” I kept repeating.
“Hush baby, hush.” She said, stroking my hair. “You don't have anything to be sorry for. What you have been through. What you are going through. I believe you. I believe you.”
We manoeuvred ourselves to the sofa, still holding one another. “So, you are really Dillan?”
I nodded my head, I don't think I was capable of speaking.
“Wow.” She said.
Laura's POV
When Gem wanted some privacy for a chat, I took her back to my bedroom. As part of our bedroom area we had a small sofa in front of a large screen TV, so that is where we sat. I knew it was something about Soph, but I would never have guessed in a month of Sundays. First Gem gave me this little speech about trust and believable truths which left me even more confused. Then she passed across a slim book which turned out to be the diary of Soph's mother. She had a book mark suggesting where to start.
It began when Soph was calling herself Richard and they were getting ready to go on holiday. I thought it was to give me an idea of what Richard/Soph was like before he/she changed her mind on the whole transition thing. Then we got to the bus journey and I looked up at Gem in surprise. She just said keep reading. I went back to that time before the bus journey and I could see why Gem had suggested I start there. The way Richard was described was nothing like Soph as I knew her. I read through the wonderful shopping trip and how Amy was bonding to her new daughter. As it was a diary there were gaps in the story and Gem had actually written some questions relating to those gaps and then added Soph's replies to those questions.
I couldn't guess how many scripts I had read. You learn to read when characters words and actions gel with the personality they are supposed to be portraying. You get an almost instinctive feel for authenticity. I didn't doubt this story for a moment. My biggest emotional response was surprise, but when I looked back this explained everything. Little inconsistencies that you ignore since there is no reason to doubt.
None of us had known Richard, so we had no one to compare, however, Soph did not seem at all like I would have expected a female to male transgender individual to be like. She seems quite an emotional girl and yet was only upset by her parents death rather than grief stricken. She was hit hard by her relationship break up with Jen, when she had only known her for a week, and had only a hope of a romance rather than achieving one. Probably the biggest hint was her maturity. I kept thinking that she was the most level headed teenager I had ever met.
Everything now fit perfectly. Even her response to my shopping trip. She had been a self made millionaire, so she was not used to money being an issue. Her worry about the MIB was interesting. Eve's dad was a general and either was in the intelligence community or had connections with it. We had this house swept for bugs a couple of times. I was not naïve enough to believe that some agency looking into such matters didn't exist, the question was what could we do to protect Soph.
I thought about that for a second. My first reaction was not anger that they hadn't told me sooner, but a maternal defensiveness. Should I be angry? I had only known them for a few days really, even if it felt a lot longer. I was pleased that they trusted me enough to tell me. Then I thought what poor Soph had been through. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to wake up in a different body that was the other gender. Then to go through an attack, be separated from all she knew and worried about MIB taking her away. No wonder she was a bit emotional. I loved that about her, she really wore her heart on her sleeve. Her real parents hadn't died but they were on the other side of the world and she couldn't contact them for fear of the consequences.
I looked at Gem who was studying me intently. “I am a believer.” Gem let out a breath, I don't think either of us realised she had been holding. “It fits perfectly and explains so much. Was the privacy because of worries about the MIB? I should mention that we have the house checked for bugs, so we should be safe.”
“That is a relief. The privacy was Soph's idea. She needed to tell you, but she doesn't really believe anyone will believe her. Especially Eve. She cares for you both and wants to come clean, hide nothing. However, she is very vulnerable and feeling unsure. She thought you would be more likely to understand and then we could leave it in your hands about whether to tell Eve or not. I chose this time because in a short while, Eve will be having her singing lesson and you would have the opportunity to talk to Soph, ask any questions without worrying about Eve listening.” Gem replied.
I would have to think about the question of telling Eve. Soph was right, I was almost sure Eve wouldn't believe unless there was incontrovertible evidence. It was too far outside of what she believed possible. “So you wrote the questions at the end?”
“Yes. Soph hadn't told me anything, but I found Amy's diary and was too nosey to resist. What I found blew my mind. I was pretty convinced after reading it. I kept in contact with Amy and her description of Richard was so different to the child I found that it just made sense.” Then Gem laughed. “I asked her when her birthday was and she didn't know. We have tried to correct that by finding out as much as we can for her to memorise. There are so many gaps in her knowledge of her old life. From the school perspective, she was just about to finish and now has to go back and repeat two and a half years. She has accepted that, but she doesn't know what Richard knew in terms of what subjects he has studied, how good his results were or even who his friends were.”
“And the answers?” I asked.
“As best as I can remember. I asked those questions and Soph answered as best she could. There is an abundance of questions that we have no answers to, only more questions. When Soph suggested telling you, I went back to the diary and tried to write down the answers she had given me. Feel free to ask them again or anything else that you feels needs asking. What do you think about telling Eve?”
I sighed. I hated the idea of keeping any secrets, but I couldn't see any way this could end except badly if Eve was told and didn't believe. “Leave that to me. I think I might have to slowly work her up to it. It does change a few things though.” I said thoughtfully. “Under these circumstances, it would be better if I became the other legal guardian rather than Eve. I will talk to her about that. It may even be better if I formally adopt her. That might be a better way to persuade Eve without revealing anything. It is a lot harder for agencies that work in the shadows to do anything under the celebrity spotlight. How would you feel about that? I don't want to take her away from you.”
“If it made her safer, I am all for it. When I realised that she was not Richard I had to make a decision as to whether I still considered her family. The soul that was my nephew has passed on, her physical body lives on and is still my niece. Most of the bringing up has already occurred so I see my role as more one of guidance and I can do that whether she becomes your daughter or not.”
Chapter 27 Sophia's POV
I stayed buried in Laura's chest crying until I could regain control of myself and my emotions, then I pulled back a little and looked up at her. The fact that I was so short really enhanced my feeling of being a child.
“This house has been checked for listening devices and we never allow anyone to wander around unaccompanied, so we should be safe to talk. Maria may come in and if it makes you more comfortable we can go back to my bedroom where we are unlikely to be disturbed or we can stop our conversation if anyone seeks us out. Gem or Lisa may need me for something wedding related, but Eve is with Danica. What would you like to do?”
I felt really comfortable just where I was and we would be able to hear anyone approaching. “Here is fine.” I murmured.
“I've read your mother's diary and Gem has filled in some of the blanks. There are two main things that concern me and that is the MIB and somehow telling Eve. Before we do that I was hoping that you could tell me what you think happened. You have had a while to think about it, obviously you have lived it and you are a sensible girl, so I imagine you have come up with a story of how you think everything occurred and a theory as to why. I know you can't prove anything, but I love a good story, maybe we can turn it into a book or a film, wouldn't that be cool.”
Laura was smiling at me now and I could feel no pressure, just calm acceptance. I'm fairly sure the last bit was a joke. At the same time I wouldn't put it past her and it would be one hell of a way to tell Eve. I couldn't see any harm in telling her my theories. “Alright, envisage this scene, we are driving down this winding mountain road with a steep drop off on one side. The driver hits an invisible space ship at an angle that causes the bus to go over the edge. The bus tumbles down the side, hitting trees and bushes leaving a trail of debris. The people inside are screaming in fear, they know there is nothing they can do, they are all going to die.” I had to swallow a few times. Talking about it brought back memories.
When I was ready I continued. “The next thing you know you are waking up on the side of the road in a pristine undamaged bus four hours later, but if the camera pans back to the area where everyone thought the bus had gone over the edge, although the railing in undamaged, beneath it the damage to trees and general vegetation is still present. The aliens, having caused the accident decided to undo the damage that they had caused, however for two people life would never be the same.” I paused to gather myself. “As you can imagine I have thought about this a lot. Why was Richard and I swapped? One option was that it was purely accidental. We weren't sitting next to each other but, if you like, we were in the same column and one row apart. I have no idea how they could put us back together so I don't know if an accident like that is possible so it remains an option. Another possibility is that they thought they were doing a kindness.” I shifted a bit, uncomfortable with what I was going to talk about, but there was no one else I would trust more than Laura, even Gem. Gem may care for me. Laura loved me. I don't know how I knew that, but I did. Laura squeezed me, as if sensing that I was about to talk about something I found difficult.
“Richard was without a doubt a guy. Regardless of what his physical body showed, he was a man. Young, immature, maybe arrogant, which, if circumstances had turned out different, he may have grown out of, but definitely a man. So swapping with a male body was a dream come true for him. I, on the other hand, are not so easy to categorise. I had not grown up ever thinking that I wanted to be female and physically I was fortunate enough to be large and strong. That meant I could be kind and gentle and no one would criticise me. I was never bullied and my masculinity was never questioned. Looking back on it now, I note that I was much more caring than other guys. Less competitive than my peers and hated when they talked down about women. I put that down to being brought up with more women in the house than men. I have always seen the female form as beautiful and the male as distasteful. Originally, I just thought that was a normal feeling for a heterosexual male. Now I am wondering if my mind has always been more female than male. Logically, men shouldn't look at their bodies with distaste or see it as ugly, just because it is male. Add on top of that, the fact that I became stressed and almost depressed with the idea of changing this female body into a male semblance and I come up with the conclusion that if they were going to swap bodies, me and Richard theoretically would be doing us both a kindness.” I looked carefully at Laura's face to see if there was any negative reaction. I sort of felt like society was telling me I should be ashamed of my thoughts. Laura carried on smiling at me with no hint of disapproval.
“That is a fantastic story. I don't think we need to go into the dark aspects that happened after. I also think it is wonderful that you are more female than male. You realise that you have now given me more ammunition to encourage you to be more girly.” She then tickled me under my chin and I giggled. I didn't mean to, it just spontaneously erupted. I seem to have much less control over what sounds I make. Then her expression darkened. “Telling Eve is going to be tricky. She doesn't believe in much of anything. If we don't handle it right, it could damage your relationship with her and we need to do something to protect you from any governmental agency.
“I have come up with a couple of ideas. I don't think we can directly influence any MIB type agency, so the best we can do is keep you in the public eye. Now this is partly because I think it would make you safer and Gem has agreed and partly because I want to. Would you be willing for me to adopt you?” Laura asked me.
I looked at Laura in surprise. I had no idea that would be what she would come up with. I could see a worry of rejection there so I hurried to respond. “That would be amazing. Are you sure? I mean we have only known each other for a few days and I think maybe I am already feeling that I love you a little bit. Err...I don't mean little, I mean it is just starting and ...”
“Slow down.” Laura said laughing. “I will take that as a yes. I have already contacted my lawyers to help Gem gain legal guardianship. Once that is completed, then I will formally adopt you. We will do it as soon as we can and then have a party to celebrate, sometime after the wedding. You need to realise that this will really put you in the limelight. Eve can get away with jeans and a T-shirt, you and me will always need to be dressed fashionably, makeup on, looking fabulous. You never know when someone will be taking a photo. You have to presume that you are always visible.”
“I don't know how to do any of that stuff. I am still learning how to put on a bra.”
“The fashion side of things, you either are fortunate enough to have a good sense of style or you fake it by getting the help of those who do. I can help you with that and we will hire fashionistas to help us when we go shopping. Your English accent is adorable, but you will need to learn how to walk more lady like and if not how to apply makeup, at least how to repair it. School is not too bad, since you are only expected to use a minimum amount. Would you like some lessons?” Laura asked me.
“Please. I wouldn't want to embarrass you.”
“Darling, with me, I just want you to be yourself. I don't really care what you do or get caught doing. It's just that if you get enough people telling you bad things about yourself, there is a chance it will damage your self esteem and I don't want that. The world is hypercritical of celebrities and that is what you will be by association. Now, on to the more difficult question. How do we tell Eve? I have thought long and hard about it. I have only really come up with one idea that I think may work.”
“That would be great. Then everyone I care about will know the truth.” I said.
“Hold on, tiger. I don't think it is going to be that easy. My idea is we watch a movie on movie night that contains a similar story. There are a few available. Freaky Friday, where a mother and daughter swap places or a more recent comedy where a boy and a girl swap places by text message. At the end of it you and me will work out a script. We may have to ad lib it a bit as we don't know what Gem or Eve will say, but in it, you say that the same thing happened to you. Not details, just something like after the bus trip your male soul was swapped with a female one. I could come up with something weird that happened to me and you can talk about the bus trip, maybe Gem can come up with something weird that happened to her. If Eve acts positively we can then tell her the full truth. If she dismisses it all, at least we have told her, even if she thinks we are joking. That way I don't think anyone is going to get too upset. It will just be four girls chatting and sharing.”
“Sounds like a plan.” I replied. I think Eve will ignore it. Laura and I will feel we have tried to tell her, so hopefully, I will stop feeling guilty that I haven't been completely honest with her.
Chapter 28
That night was a bad one. Tomorrow was going to be my first day at school which I felt nervous about and we managed to arrange the movie night for Sunday, so telling Eve was put off for a few days. Laura said it was her turn to be with me, but she was going to spend a bit of time with Eve first and slip in later. I tossed and turned, struggling to get to sleep. I didn't have a temperature, but I did feel uncomfortable, hot and sweaty.
I woke up again to my own scream. I was terrified, though less scared than other nights, however this time I thought I had wet myself. I checked with my hand and could feel it had gone through my PJ's and onto the sheet below. Laura was trying to comfort me and I was feeling beyond embarrassed. How to you explain to a movie star who had been kind enough to sleep in the same bed to offer support, that you had wet yourself. I delayed for a few seconds then realised that wasn't accomplishing anything and admitted to Laura that I had a problem.
“I'm sorry Laura. I ..” I took a deep breath. Did I really have to do this? Yes, I did. “I've ummm... had an accident.”
“Hmmm.” Was her sleepy response.
“Laura.” I said a bit louder. “I need to put the light on. I've had an accident. I'm so sorry.”
“Oh,...OH!” She sat up trying to blink her eyes awake. “That's OK sweetie.”
I reached across and switched the light on, then pulled the covers back and stared uncomprehendingly. My lower half was covered in blood. I think I went into shock. Logically, I had been living with three women, I knew what it meant. I think the problem was that I was, at least a little, still in denial. Clearly, I didn't have a penis or balls, so I was female. I had started wearing more feminine clothes and even had my ears pierced. I knew I was a girl and yet, some part of my mind hadn't really got to grips with it and nothing tells you more obviously that you are completely female than having a period. I knew you didn't have to have a period to be female. A woman who had a hysterectomy was still a woman or a woman who had a mastectomy was still female. Still, I felt like someone had whacked me with a dead fish.
Laura was wonderful. It took a few seconds for her to work out that my mind had frozen and then why. “Your first period?” She asked.
I managed to nod my head.
She led me to the shower and switched it on and then helped me get undressed. While I was reviving somewhat under the water, she took the sheets off the bed and then retrieved supplies from somewhere. She came back into the bathroom holding a towel open for me. I was a bit more with it and managed to turn the shower off and step out. She then covered me in the towel and hugged me at the same time.
“How you doing?” She asked me.
“Better. It was just a bit of a shock.”
Since I seemed to be quite a heavy bleeder, she suggested a tampon and a pad. The tampon was quite an experience, especially with the string hanging out. I had to fumble a bit to get it in place. The angle of approach and exact location when you can't actually see what you are doing was more tricky than I expected. Then you are left with something that you can feel constantly being where it shouldn't. For some reason I also worried that it would get stuck, so I checked that the string was still available a few times. The pad was easy enough, it just meant that I wore panties to bed. She also picked out my one and only nightie to wear.
The nightie was the one that Amy had bought for when I had accepted myself enough as female to be comfortable with clothing that was only worn by girls. It seemed fitting that I wore it that night, when I suppose, I went from girl to woman and there was no denial left to me. I felt comforted by wearing it, like Amy was with me giving me a comforting hug.
The bed was stripped and neither of us knew where there was any more bedding. Laura suggested that we both joined Eve in her bed. I was still in an easily led disposition or I might have balked at joining them both in their bed. Eve was lying on her back, snoring like a trooper. If I wasn't in a semi shocked state I think I would have been laughing. Laura crawled into bed and pushed Eve onto her side. She stirred a bit, but not enough to wake and the snores went away.
I slipped into bed and Laura turned away from Eve to spoon me and hold me tight. I didn't go to sleep straight away. I wished that I had had some warning signs. I didn't want to go through that again. I thought back over the previous day and worked out that I had missed the obvious. Or twenty twenty hindsight obvious. My irritability that just wasn't like me, the uncomfortable tummy and even the tossing and turning were probably all signs. I was going to have to mark the date and read up about what happens when you start your periods. Are they always the same? There was a lot of blood, was that going to be the same every time? I knew from biology that it was supposed to be every twenty eight days, but was that from the start of the period or the end of it. Never questions that I thought of before.
Eve started snoring again before I fell asleep. Initially it kept me awake. After a while it started to lull me into a relaxed state and before I knew it, it was morning.
Chapter 29
My first day of school. Eve and Gem wished me luck. Laura, on the other hand, took great care with me. We debated over whether it would be better to wear a wig or go with my striking short sides and pink middle. She was worried that it would draw some negative attention and so suggested a wig that was obviously a wig. It would still draw attention, but would allow me to take it off during gym and on a different day use a different wig that was less attention drawing.
Then my hair could be part of my fashion statement and accepted more readily. I only vaguely understood what she was talking about. Laura already had quite a collection of wigs and chose a snow white wig and had me practice fixing it myself. It went with a white bra, white shirt and black jeans. Very black and white.
Makeup was understated so it wouldn't need much to retouch. It was only when she was handing me the lipstick and mascara that she realised that I didn't have a handbag. Her handbag selection was astounding. I think she was a collector. I had to try all the black ones on until it passed the both comfortable and stylish test. Then she helped me fill it, knowing that I would have no clue what should be in it. The tampons and pads didn't surprise me. The extra two pairs of panties, just in case, did. Normally, she recommended one pair of panties and some supplies even if I wasn't due on. It was a girl code type of thing. It was likely that at some point in time you would find yourself caught short and the same was true for all girls, so having extra to help someone out was a good idea.
This was when she discovered that I also didn't have a purse, money or a phone. She chastised me for not asking or mentioning them. She dug through and found a suitable purse and put some cash in it. She told me she would sort out the phone for tomorrow. She also told me that if I wanted or needed anything I should just ask for it. She knew I was not after her for her money and I was going to be her daughter after all. She also suggested that I not start my business back up with Katie. To do so would present a risk that I didn't need to take. She had plenty of money so why take that risk.
I did feel a bit guilty for taking up so much of her time. She did seem to enjoy dressing me up, like a live barbie doll and I found myself smiling throughout the process. She wanted to go with me in the car, but knew that would be a mistake. So she gave me a kiss and a cuddle before sending me off in the limo. Since I had no phone the limo would be waiting from three pm, when the school was due to finish. I was going to be arriving early since I had a session with Dr Barn every morning until we worked out how well I coped.
My half hour with Dr Barn was not at all what I expected. We didn't go over the assault or any of my anxiety about men. She just wanted me to talk about myself. That was really awkward. I knew very little of Richard's life, so I had two choices. Stonewall her or talk about my life as Dillan, but call myself Richard. Stonewalling her would probably be the best option. I just couldn't bring myself to be that rude though. I just hoped that she didn't or couldn't check some of the things that I was saying against Richards real experiences. If she did, I could claim that I was lying because I didn't feel comfortable talking about it. Although, unless she was already suspicious, why would you question the names of my best friends and how would you. Since Richard had gone to an all boys school, I had to not talk about any of my girl friends. Surprisingly, that left me with very few boys to talk about. I knew the girls in my class quite well. The boys I only seemed to interact with during sport.
I was quite relieved when that was over and I could head to the principal's receptionist to get my schedule. Waiting for me with the receptionist was a tall, very skinny girl dressed very fashionably with heavy makeup. Her name was Ashley and she was a sophomore like me, with some of the same classes. She guided me to my first class while interrogating me. I could tell what she was interested in. In this school of the wealthy, your social standing depended on a number of things and the most important was how rich your family was. By telling her that I was staying with my Aunt who was working for someone wealthy, without divulging any names, her interest in me faded. My accent was hilarious, apparently. She asked about my parents and when I told her that I had lost them recently she offered me fake sympathy. That killed any possibility of a friendship. She guided me to a seat and then went elsewhere so that there was no obvious connection between us. She sat amongst other girls of a similar type and whispered about me. I could tell by the glances they all gave me. At the end of the class she was going to take me to the next one, but I told her, I considered her duty done and I could find my own way. She gratefully sped off.
Fortunately, I had enough academically to occupy myself. Maths was a breeze, English literature was fine, but it was about a book I hadn't read, and I was starting late in the year so there was a lot for me to catch up on. US history was interesting and I enjoyed it, however, again I had a big catch up ahead of me. I didn't manage to get Piano so I had a very boring Typing lesson before I could escape to lunch. I was very behind in typing as well, but no one was taking it seriously, so I didn't think that would be a problem.
The cafeteria was very interesting. The food was pretty good and I chose a nice pasta dish. Ashley and her group were all eating salads. The next question was where to sit. Lunch seemed to be a time you gathered by group. I wondered around with my tray trying to work out where I should sit. If there had been an empty table I probably would have just sat there. I did feel stares hitting me from all sides which is quite intimidating. I stayed away from any collections of large boys and found a girl sitting on her own. Her eyes were puffy, suggesting a recent bout of crying and she was sitting in a slumped dejected posture. Even so I thought she looked beautiful. I gently placed my tray opposite her and sat down. I have always hated seeing someone upset with an almost instinctive need to make them feel better. Jen had called it my paternal personality. I guess now I will have to call it my maternal sense.
She glanced up at me with a flick of her eyes before they went back to her food. “Are you new here?” She almost whispered, but I could still hear a faint French accent.
“Yes, my first day.” I replied brightly.
“That explains it.” She said morosely. “You're better off not associating with me.”
I was about to reply when I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Sophia, can I have a quick word.” Ashley said.
“Oh, hi Ashley. Sure, how can I help you?”
Ashley tried to suggest with her head movement that I needed to step away from the table to talk to her, but I pretended to not understand her. Keeping my expression open as if waiting for her to speak. Seeing that I was not responding how she had hoped, instead she brought her head really close to my ear. “She was one of those girls in the video of the gay room.” Then she looked at me expectantly.
I really didn't know how to respond to that. What I was thinking was...and.....because there had to be something else, surely. I mean, in this day and age being gay wasn't that big a deal and we were in California which I thought was pretty tolerant. So I carried on looking at Ashley expectantly, waiting for the rest. She just huffed, threw her hands up as if to say, well, I did my best and stalked off.
The girl in front of me kept looking at her plate. I thought I saw her eyes begin to tear up, but she blinked them back. I wanted to help this girl. I wanted to make her feel better. She was in a world of misery. Obviously she had wanted to keep this part of herself private and having it revealed in the way that it had, must have really hit her self esteem. I needed to do something, the question was what. I could whisper to her that I was a lesbian too. Then I thought, if I whispered it, that would also imply that there was something wrong with it. If I said it in a normal voice, yes that would indicate that I didn't see anything wrong with it, but there were enough people in hearing distance that I would be outing myself to the school. I knew that would cause me grief. Maybe it was short sighted of me, maybe I should have thought of something else that would cheer her up or let her know that she wasn't alone and there was nothing to be ashamed of.
I stuck my hand out. “Hi, I'm Sophia or Soph to my friends. I am a lesbian.” I didn't shout it and I didn't whisper, I just said it in what I would consider a normal tone of voice.
She looked up at me in shock.
I looked her in the eyes and then pointedly looked at my hand as if to say 'don't leave me hanging'. She tentatively reached forwards. “I'm Rochelle. Chelle to my friends.” She said in a tone slightly above a whisper. “You shouldn't have done that.”
“It's the truth and I'm not ashamed of it. Admittedly, I didn't really want to discuss it in public. I mean it is a private matter, not something that should concern anyone else.”
She looked at me a bit puzzled. “Then why did you say it?”
I leaned forwards gazing into her eyes. “I wanted to see you smile.” And there it was, a smile, gone so quick that if I wasn't looking for it, I wouldn't have seen it. “Mission accomplished.” I said softly.
Chapter 30
We ate in companionable silence for a while. Chelle looked in much better spirits.
“So....why is a pretty new girl not surrounded by admirers?” Chelle asked.
“Pretty?” I said with a smile. Chelle smiled back and blushed. “I think the whole school already knows that I am not from rich parents. That alone is likely to keep most away. I think most of the jocks have been asked to keep their distance.”
“Why would they do that?”
Now it was my turn to look down, embarrassed. “I have some anxiety issues around men.” I said a bit quieter. She reached across and stroked my hand which caused me to look up into her beautiful green eyes. She was smiling at me reassuringly. “Let's talk about something else. Tell me a bit about yourself.” I asked.
“OK. I'm a senior, I used to be the captain of the volleyball team, don't ask.” She emphasised both the 'used' and the 'don't'. “My passion in life is music. I love listening and I play the guitar and sing a bit. What else could I tell you? My mother was a French model and my father is an entrepreneur.” She replied. “What about you?”
“I am a sophomore. I like music and enjoy singing. I tried to get into Basic piano, but the schedule didn't work. I am staying with my Aunt and it is better if I don't talk about my parents at the moment. Do you have a favourite singer? What do you think of Eve?” I thought if she was a lesbian and into music it was a safe bet that she would like Eve.
“She is amazing though she hasn't done much new material recently. I heard a rumour that she visited the school.”
“She does live locally.” I commented. There was a big clock in the cafeteria and I knew our time was coming to a close. “I have had fun. Is it OK if I sit with you again tomorrow?”
“I would like that. I will see you shortly in gym.” Then she stood up. I think because she had hunched in on herself I couldn't tell that she was nearly six feet tall.
“Wow. What are you, an Amazon?” I said with appreciative glances.
She just smiled at me and walked away. Either she normally walks with a sexy bum wiggle or, knowing that I was probably watching, put a little extra in there for me. It took an effort of will to tear my eyes away. I may have even blushed, thinking that others had noticed my gaze.
Next was my Spanish class. It was a beginners class, but that was at the start of the year. The class itself was incomprehensible, all it really showed me was how behind I was and how much I had to learn to catch up. A bit daunting.
My last class was gym. I was extremely apprehensive heading for the girls changing rooms for gym. I had never been in a girls changing room, I knew almost no one and I had announced to the school, even if quietly, that I was a lesbian. I wanted to change away from everyone, where I couldn't look at anyone. There were, unfortunately, no hiding places, so I got changed as quickly as I could whilst trying not to look anywhere. Then I headed out onto the main gym area. I did hear some whispering and it may have been about me or somebody else. When you are trying your hardest to not catch anybodies eyes or even bodies it is hard to tell the direction of some whispers. I could be paranoid and think that all the nasty ones were directed at me, at they may well have been, but I decided that if I wasn't sure they were, for my sanity, it was better to think they were directed elsewhere.
The class itself was pretty fun. The whole of the high school had gym at the same time, the last lesson of the day, but you were able to choose out of quite a few different sports. I was a bit worried about interacting with other girls so I chose the obstacle course. I kept my eye out for Chelle and saw her on the basketball court. I waved at her, but there was no way I was going to play that game at barely five feet tall. I'm not sure she recognised me without my snow white blonde hair wig.
With skiing and then personal training sessions, I was in pretty good shape and enjoyed challenging myself on the various obstacles. This body was pretty skinny and weighed so much less that I did as Dillan. That helped, but the lack of height and wingspan to my arms made some elements almost impossible. I kept persevering and had fun.
I had been worried over how my anxiety would be with all the boys around me throughout the day. In the crowded hallways, moving from class to class, everyone was rushing around, paying little attention to me. Even though there were some big lads in the mix, none of them got close to me and there were always others between us which helped for some reason. I think I still had a heightened awareness of who was where, and probably looked around for situational knowledge more than most. Nonetheless, nothing really triggered my anxiety. During lunch I managed to steer clear and during gym, the only others doing the obstacle course, which was mainly boys, but smaller, lighter boys, who, again, didn't trigger any alarms.
The showers were in stalls and I got changed and out of there as quickly as possible. I didn't really have any worries about nudity. Getting dressed in front of others didn't concern me and I wasn't worried about anyone seeing my body. However, I was worried that others would accuse me of looking at them. I also knew that since my clothes had been chosen by Laura with Daphne's help, that it was unlikely they had much to criticise. Not that some of these girls needed much. I still heard whispers.
All in all, a good day. I wasn't going to be a popular girl since my social standing as judged by Ashley was too low, which was more of a relief than a worry. I had cheered up a beautiful Amazon who might even become my friend. I had admitted that I was a lesbian, so I had nothing further to hide. I had been verbally teased, but that didn't faze me. My biggest concern was catching up in all my classes.
Agent Atworth's POV
I knocked on the directors door and entered when given permission.
“So, give me an update.”
“Relatively good news. By chance, there was a vacancy in the school staff which meant we didn't have to do much to get an agent involved. Their school counsellor had recently resigned. Dr Barn was able, with a little pressure in the right places, to get the job and has already met with our target. She said that in her professional opinion the anxiety is real, so I have asked her to investigate her backstory. We are going to need to either liaise with the British or send some agents to check out whatever she discovers.”
“Send out our agents, I don't want the British involved. Have you managed to arrange anything with General Hatwell?”
“Yes. He wants us to have more solid evidence before he can tell his daughter, so the initial plan is to gather evidence. We are hoping this can also be used to break the UE out of their cover when we do decide to collect her. A few times a year he sends a working party to sweep Eve's house for bugs. He thought he would tell her it was time for another sweep and use the opportunity to wire the place up and place lots of trackers. Her grounds are quite large so we are have quite a few teams in the local area ready for a rapid response. Already the limo has a tracker attached. After Eve has been brought on board, we should be able to station some men in her house and swap the limo driver for an agent.”
“Good, good. It seems you have things well in hand.” The director replied.
Chapter 31 Sophia's POV
I got a surprise when I got in the limo, Laura was there. She asked me about my day. Normally, when I had been asked about my day previously, it was just to check than nothing major had happened and that everything was alright. Laura wanted to know details, with good, obviously interested questions, she drew my entire day from me. Not just the facts, but how I felt and why I did what I did.
I love my original parents and thought they were great. They were always supportive and, although they both worked and led busy lives, I never felt neglected. At the same time, Laura was showing far more interest in my life than they had ever shown. She was also excited because Gem's legal guardianship had been finalised and on Friday, just two days time, Laura had arranged a meeting with a judge for us to sign adoption papers. She had come with the limo not just to pick me up, but to arrange with the school for me to leave early on Friday to be there.
There was a real sparkle to her today. Which fed an inner happiness to me, as it showed that Laura really wanted to adopt me. I know the logic behind the act, yet, it is almost like that was just a good excuse to do what she wanted to do anyway.
She teased me about Chelle and suggested inviting her to a movie night, but not this Sunday one, as we had other plans. She did have a few suggestions regarding catching up, which was mainly, studying and having tutoring sessions. Since I was having gym everyday, my joint personal training with Eve could be missed whenever I wanted. US history just required reading time, Spanish might require a tutor and she offered her own services for English Literature. She suggested we read to each other and discuss. Once I had less stress from a studying point of view, she knew Eve wanted to arrange Piano lessons if it hadn't worked with school and there were also the deportment lessons.
She said she was proud of me for my courage at lunch time and told me that there were cameras everywhere, so physical bullying on school grounds was unlikely. They included audio so it was possible that even the whispering that I had commented on would have been picked up. She was glad that it hadn't bothered me. Even so she was going to mention it to the principal to see if there was any evidence that he could use. I think she thought I was going to object to her telling the principal, but I knew, even if I wasn't bothered, such behaviour could really hurt someone else. All kids in high school were old enough to be responsible for what they said and needed to learn what was appropriate.
The next few days passed at a lightning pace. At home, I thought it was OK to call it that considering everything, my head was either buried in a book, I was attending one of the sessions or I was sleeping. I attended my singing lessons and my gym training with Eve. Spending that hour in the gym with Eve was pretty much the only time I spent with her, besides mealtimes. If I got bored reading about US history, there were various documentaries that Laura had found. Maria, our housekeeper, spoke fluent Spanish, so now our breakfasts and dinners were held in Spanish only. Initially, this was extremely frustrating, since I started off knowing almost nothing. It did drive me to learn as much vocabulary as quickly as possible. Gem, Eve and Laura all spoke some Spanish and did their best to help. Maria spoke to them in English and me in Spanish and I was only allowed to reply in Spanish. By speaking to them first, I had a good idea of what she was going to say to me and if one of them replied in Spanish, it helped me with my replies.
Each night I read my English literature book with Laura. She had completely taken over the night time duties. Her argument was that she would wake up regardless of whether Gem was taking a turn, so it made no sense for anyone else to do it. I did go to bed earlier than her, so she stayed with Eve and then slipped into my bed later, then went back to Eve in the morning. Whether it was because of her care and attention, my before school appointments with Dr Barn or time being a great healer, I was having less waking up in the middle of the night episodes.
At school the whispers continued, lunch was great with Chelle and I managed to invite her for a movie night the next Sunday. She agreed and thought I was taking her out on a date, so I had to explain what I meant which led her to think I had invited her to a sleepover. I loved the idea of her staying for a sleepover, but stressed about having a night episode. I decided to discuss it with Laura later. Laura suggested that we have the sleepover, but I should tell Chelle before about my sleeping issues.
The Friday meeting was both anticlimactic and emotional at the same time. Everyone involved turned up, signed in front of the judge who was a witness and that was it. We then went to a fancy salon, were pampered and polished. Dressed to the nines and had a gorgeous meal at an amazing restaurant. I was now officially Laura's daughter. To make a clean break with my past I decided that I would take on her surname. I was Sophia Kind. It was so different to my original name that it was going to take some getting used to. When Eve and Laura got married, I would become Eve's daughter in law. Since their surname was a good part of their career they weren't going to change them. Laura also presented me with the latest iphone, in a pink cover with sparkles on it, which made me laugh. Certain numbers were already programmed in. One of which almost made me cry. I had Gem and the limo driver, but I also had Mum and step mum for Laura and Eve.
I did keep contact with Jen, but only by email. I was swamped with work and so was she, still it was a highlight whenever I received anything from her. I told her about Chelle, hoping that it would prompt her to be honest about anyone she met, but she claimed that wasn't happening until after her finals. She did give her opinion as to why Chelle had been having so much trouble. Jen thought it was less about being a lesbian and more about not revealing it to friends. Close girl friends talk about everything, so by not revealing her secret, they may have felt betrayed, and reacted badly.
Sunday movie night went pretty much how I was expecting. The food was a bit better this time, since it was more planned. On Saturday, Maria prepared various dips and cut vegetables. There was a cold platter of various meats and cheeses, with grapes and apple slices. Then for the main movie, we made up some salted popcorn.
Laura chose a movie called 'The Swap', where a boy and a girl swap places. It was a comedy and we all laughed, even if some of it did hit quite close to home on a few occasions. At the end Laura and I went with a general script that we had rehearsed. We discussed between us about whether anything like that could happen in real life. Laura mentioning a documentary about a man who could remember a previous life. Eve interrupted to call it all rubbish. I then talked about my weird bus trip and the idea that I had swapped my male soul for a female one. Eve just laughed, not being nasty, but just completely not taking it seriously.
I looked at Laura who had a sad, resigned smile and knew it was time to change the subject and accept that Eve was never going to know or believe the truth about me. I had, sort of, told her. Not exactly or in detail, but the idea and that was too much for her conventional thinking. I didn't think there was any evidence to prove my story and until there was, Eve would never know or believe if she was told.
The next day the house was going to be swept for bugs by somebody that Eve knew, so everyone was going to be out of the house from early in the morning. I was going to school, so it wasn't going to affect me. I don't think I really said or did anything the MIB would be interested in anymore. Still, it was good to think that I could talk freely if I wanted to. Not that that was why Eve organised the sweep. That was related to the press impinging on her privacy. Mostly the tabloids publish gossip and rumours. At one point, secrets about her previous relationship were published that were too close to the truth, which prompted her first sweep. Since she found evidence that she was being spied on and listened to, this had become a regular precaution. I wondered if Laura had suggested it to her, to try and keep me safe.
In two weeks time there was a movie premiere that Laura and Eve would be attending. This was also going to be my first appearance in their company and where she would announce to the world that she was now my mother. After that I should be a lot safer, although from that point onwards, I would have to be very careful about my image. On that basis, for the next two weeks, in place of my training session with Eve, I was going to be having deportment and grace lessons. After the premiere I would continue them but only for one hour a week rather than every day. Laura mentioned other things I was going to need to learn like dancing and communicating with the press. They weren't immediate worries though. Of more urgent concern was finding the right dress for the occasion. There was only one answer to that though, shopping! Laura suggested that Chelle join us for a shopping trip on Saturday, potentially staying until we take her to school on Monday. Which meant I needed to talk to her today about my sleeping issues and ask if she wanted to join me for a shopping trip.
Chapter 32
I was having a few good nights now, so we were going to go back to the baby monitor solution. I had to promise to turn it on before I went to sleep. That gave me some privacy, allowed Laura to sleep with Eve and reassured Laura that she would know if I needed her.
The day started off fairly well. I spent my usual half an hour with Dr Barn. We still weren't really talking about my attack or even my previous gender issues, just concentrating on my previous life which was a complete fabrication. If asked to describe what my previous school looked like, I would just describe the one that I knew as Dillan. I couldn't see the point to most of the questions that I was being asked or how they would help me with my anxiety. Still, she should know what she was doing and I tried to answer as best as I could.
At lunch time I found Chelle's table and joined her as usual.
“Hi beautiful.” She greeted me.
“Hi amazon.” I replied. I settled myself with my tray and seat. “Chelle, there is this event I am going to next Saturday and I was wondering if you would like to help me pick out a dress. My adopted mother is taking me shopping on this Saturday and suggested you might like to join us.”
“I would love to, that sounds great.” Chelle said with enthusiasm and a big smile.
“You could stay Saturday and Sunday night if you like.”
“I will need to check with my parents, but that sounds great. They consider me old enough and mature enough to make my own decisions. They just like to be kept in the loop. Do you want me to come to your house on Saturday? I don't even know where you live.”
I smiled mysteriously. I had deliberately been keeping my connection to Laura and Eve a secret. I trusted Chelle to not blab. I hadn't told her because I wanted it to be a surprise. “I think mum has hired a limo, so we can pick you up on the way.”
“A limo, eh? I thought you said that your parents weren't rich.”
I lost my happy smile as I thought about Amy and Peter. I only really managed to speak to Chelle at lunch time so, although we had talked about many things, I had avoided the deeper stuff. In the cafeteria you have to accept that anything you say is being overheard and tailor your conversation accordingly. This weekend I figured I would have the privacy for us both to have a better, more meaningful chat. “Let's just say that my adopted mum is not hurting for money.” I then glanced around to indicate that I didn't want to talk about it where everyone could hear.
She reached forwards and stroked my hand in reassurance. “I am looking forward to it. I will text you my address and you can text me any details. Maybe a list of what clothes I will need. Will I be sleeping in the same room as you or a different one?” She asked with a glint in her eye.
Which meant I had come to the hard bit, when I had to talk about my sleeping issues. “We have a guest bedroom. Umm, this is a bit embarrassing. I think I mentioned that I had increased anxiety around men?”
“Yes. I have noticed you keep a constant surreptitious eye on your surroundings, but I haven't seen you getting too stressed.”
“As long they are not too big and don't get too close, I am alright. Well, the reason behind it is that I was attacked. Ever since then I have had a couple of issues. Anxiety around men and nightmares. I need to warn you that if you stay the night, there is a good chance I will wake you up in the middle of the night.”
“Are you OK with me staying the night?” She was still stroking my hand.
“As long as you are.” I replied.
She stopped stroking my hand to put her fingers under my chin and lift it up so that I could look her in the eyes. I hadn't even realised that I had started looking down, avoiding her gaze. “I will help in any way I can. If you are better with me in a different room, that is fine with me.”
“It is not that. I am fortunate that those who care about me have helped calm me at night after an episode. It is just not very pleasant to wake up in the middle of the night to someone screaming. Even if that person is yourself, I can tell you, it is not a very nice experience. I am getting better and hopefully it won't happen.”
“If there is a way for me to help, just let me know.”
This was a serious conversation and I felt a real connection as we were talking, but that didn't stop me from being aware when three rather large guys started heading in my direction. They were staring at me coming from behind Chelle. She noticed me me looking behind her and twisted around to see what I was looking at.
I shifted back on my seat automatically, so I was in a better position to get away. My heartbeat was speeding up and my mouth was going dry. They stopped besides Chelle staring at me aggressively.
Chelle stood up out of her chair to face them. “What do you want?” She asked fairly sternly, with a hint of anger.
“She got Beth and Cindy suspended.” He looked up at the cameras and smiled. “I am not going to threaten you or insult you, but there is nothing stopping me from approaching you, all friendly like.” He carried on smiling, with a nasty edge to it and then started going around the table slowly as if to catch me.
Chelle went around him quickly to stand besides me.
“How ddid I gget them sssusspended?” I said now stood up and backing away. I couldn't seem to help myself, I was looking around frantically checking that my only threat was in front of me.
Chelle moved so that she was slightly in front of me, so that they would have to get through her to get to me, but his friends started going out wider as if in a flanking manoeuvre. I didn't even know who Beth and Cindy were.
“You reported them to the principal for bullying.”
At this point I was very close to panic and I don't think I could have answered him if I had tried. I shook my head to indicate that he was wrong, backing away quicker and quicker. I wasn't too far from the exit from the cafeteria into the corridor. I checked one more time for the threats around me and then turned and fled. I rushed into the first women's toilets I could find and locked myself in a stall, shivering in overwhelming fear, trying to get my breathing under control.
I'm not sure how long Chelle was there before I heard her through the door, telling me that they were gone and everything was alright. I managed to gather the courage to unlock the door and check outside it. Chelle was there, but no one else was. She didn't approach me, just stood there with her arms open for a hug if I wanted. I pulled her into the cubicle, which was a tight squeeze, locked the door again and then hugged her tightly and started sobbing. She held me, stroking my back and whispering reassurances from above, her chin on my head.
I started calming down and feeling better. It took some time though.
“Ummm.. I think I better let you get to your next class.” I said to Chelle still holding her.
She laughed. “Class started awhile ago. Don't worry I've sorted everything, just relax until you are ready to face the world.”
“My handbag!” In my, shall we call it strategic retreat, I had left all my stuff behind.
“I've got it all. I hope you don't mind, but I used your phone to call your mum. She said she would be here as quick as she can and asked me to stay with you. Not that she needed to ask, I would have stayed anyway. She said she would phone the school and tell them that she was picking you up and stop me from getting in trouble for missing class.”
“Thank you. Do I need to go somewhere to meet her?”
“I don't know. Why don't you call her?” She said, passing me my phone from her back pocket.
Laura picked up on the first ring. “Mum?”
“How are you doing, are you alright, where are you?” Laura asked in rapid fire.
“I'm better. I'm in the girls loos. I'm so sorry, mum, I just panicked.”
“Shhh, darling. I'm almost at the school. You stay there, I will find you. Is Chelle with you?”
“Yes.” I passed the phone to Chelle.
“Hi, err.. Soph's mum. I'm still here with her. I'll stay until you arrive. We are in the toilet near the cafeteria.”
“Thanks Chelle. I will be there as quick as I can. Give her a hug from me.”
Chapter 33 Laura's POV
We all had to get out of the house today, so that Eve's contacts could check it for bugs. Not a nice thought, one of the disadvantages of being a celebrity. My agent had been urging me to get out into the public eye. What that usually meant was having a lunch in one of the celebrity restaurants, where people go to be seen. Eve was going to a music studio to produce one of her new songs so I rang Mya, an actress friend of mine.
Since I had started dating Eve, going out to lunches had become a lot more problematic. I enjoyed them and only chose people whose company I found pleasant, but now that I had shown a romantic interest in both men and women, anybody single that I lunched with was usually followed by some gossip mag or another suggesting we were now dating. Mya was fairly safe since she was already married and was having a break in her acting career to have children. That was the plan anyway, so far she hadn't managed to catch.
I went with a no disguise, full Laura movie star look, as I thought of it, to meet with Daphne to go through my choices of dresses for the movie premiere. I was openly covered by my bodyguards, this time a female set, since I had requested shifting that way. We could have had Daphne choose for Soph, however I wanted to do the full shopping fun. Eve was not that bothered by clothes so Soph gave me an opportunity to enjoy one of my favourite pastimes, shopping. Daphne being her usual helpful self, had automatically collected a selection of dresses that would suit Soph and if we didn't find anything shopping, we could chose one of those.
I tried on a few of the offerings that Daphne had supplied. I looked in the multiple mirror setup and Daphne critiqued the look. This was how I normally chose my dresses and yet this time it felt like something was missing. There was usually an excited energy to the whole process, which today was sadly lacking. My initial thought was that I just hadn't found the right dress, but when I pondered how I could make this experience better, I realised that I wanted Soph to be here. Soph didn't have, or pretend to have, any knowledge of fashion or design. However, she was such an honest person, her body language and her words matched to let you know exactly what she was thinking. It brought a joie de vivre type energy that this type of shopping was missing. I booked Daphne for our shopping session on Saturday, thanked her for her efforts and said that if we didn't find what we were looking for, we would come back to her selections.
It was a bit strange, I thought I was enjoying life. My career was going fantastic, my romantic life was amazing and I had plenty of time and money to do what I wanted, when I wanted. And yet, Soph just made my life better. I had many nights disturbed sleep, but they were also nights when I felt needed and appreciated for offering love and support to someone else. I had a beautiful relationship with Eve. She was someone I could see myself always loving and wanted her to be a part of the rest of my life. We didn't live in each others pocket and when we saw each other it was as if we had never separated. She didn't need me, though, and she didn't like everything that I liked. Soph seemed to fill a need in me that I didn't even know I had. I had never thought of myself as maternal and had never had the desire for children. Now I wondered if I was missing out.
I was in the middle of my lunch with Mya discussing motherhood and careers when my phone vibrated. The only people who had my phone number were close friends, everyone else had to contact either my agent or Lisa, Eve's PA. Still, I hated when I was interrupted by a ringing phone, which was why I had set mine to vibrate. I gestured for Mya to pause while I checked the caller id and when I saw it was Soph, I apologetically told Mya that I needed to take it.
“Hi, Soph.”
“Err..it's Chelle. There's umm.. been an incident.”
My heart rate picked up with instant stress. “What's happened? Is Soph alright?”
“These guys deliberately triggered her anxiety. I think she might be having a panic attack. She is safe, she has locked herself in the toilet and I can't seem to calm her down. I didn't want to leave her, but she needs help.”
“You stay with her. Keep talking to her gently, I will be there as quickly as I can. I will talk to the principal and excuse you from whatever else you are supposed to be doing. Thank you for looking after her. If she calms down enough, please ask her to call me. I've got to go now, so I can get moving. Call me if anything changes.” I put the phone down and looked at Mya. “I've got to go.”
Mya had already flagged a waiter. “I've got this.” She told me. Then she shooed me away.
I called my limo and went to the front to wait and then called the school. I jumped into the car when it arrived. The principal was aware that something happened and was going to look at the footage and get back to me. I was halfway to the school when he rang back. Apparently, three large football players approached Soph and deliberately tried to get close to her. This may have been a reaction to the fact that he had suspended a couple of cheerleaders for verbal abuse about Soph. He had followed up my suggestion to listen for a whispering campaign of abuse against Soph. The problem was that the coach and Dr Barn had spoken to the football team and explained Soph's anxiety and the need to keep their distance. There was no way to enforce this and he was unable to take disciplinary action against them. They had not said anything abusive and there was no physical or verbal threat. He would confer with Dr Barn and see if they could come up with something to try and prevent this from happening again.
I was fuming, so angry that anyone could be vicious enough to harm my Soph. At the same time, I knew yelling at the principal was not going to get me anywhere and he was actually on my side.
When I was close to arriving my phone rang again.
“Mum?” Soph said. Bless her, she still sounded like a scared rabbit. Calling me mum tugged on my heart strings and the fact that she did it unconsciously was like a warm breath on my heart.
“How are you doing, are you alright, where are you?” I asked.
“I'm better. I'm in the girls loos. I'm so sorry, mum, I just panicked.”
“Shhh, darling. I'm almost at the school. You stay there, I will find you. Is Chelle with you?”
“Yes.” I could tell she passed the phone to Chelle.
“Hi, err.. Soph's mum. I'm still here with her. I'll stay until you arrive. We are in the toilet near the cafeteria.”
“Thanks Chelle. I will be there as quick as I can. Give her a hug from me.” I had to end the conversation as we were pulling up in front of the school.
I stalked in, surrounded by four female bodyguards. I was really glad that I had spoken to the agency that supplies my bodyguards and managed to change them to female. I was angry at the student body, so it was just as well that it was pretty empty with virtually everyone in class. Those I did see I couldn't help glaring at. I know only a few were responsible, but I also knew that, besides Chelle, no one had reached out to Soph or spoken up for her during the whispering campaign or stopped the lunch time intimidation. Soph was such a gentle soul that I hated the idea of anyone trying to squash my baby.
Normally, when I wasn't disguising myself, I was recognised and would have the brave approaching for autographs and the like. This time my glare was enough to keep everyone away. I think I was still noticed, however, no one was brave enough to get near me, which was just as well, as I think I would have bitten their heads off.
I rushed into the ladies restroom only to find it empty. So I called out gently. “Soph?”
I heard the lock in a stall unlock and a head peer out, then Soph ran into my arms. “Mum!” Then she started crying which was breaking my heart. I just held her as tight as I could. This tall girl emerged from the same stall, looking at me with a shocked expression.
“Your mum is Laura Kind?” Chelle half whispered, but I don't think Soph heard her.
I smiled at her over the top of Soph's head, she was such a little thing. “Thanks for looking after her Chelle.”
Chapter 34 Sophia's POV
Laura was holding me tightly. This was the same woman who had cuddled me at night and helped keep my nightmares away. I felt so much safer in her arms. Then the bell rang to indicate end of class and I felt a frisson of fear, knowing that there was going to be a rush of people in the corridor.
“Shhhh...it's alright baby. We'll just wait for the rush to pass. There is no hurry.” Laura murmured into my head.
She spoke to Chelle organising for us to pick her up on Saturday. She didn't know if I was going to be back at school before then. When we couldn't hear a stampede outside the door, we made our way back to the limo. Somehow we managed to walk while she was still hugging me with one arm. We were surrounded by four women who I guessed were our new security. There were still people about and I could feel their stares on us as we passed. It didn't affect my stress levels. I think the four guards around us, clearly keeping everyone at a distance and placing themselves between us and potential threats, allowed me to relax a little.
By the time we arrived home I was exhausted and struggling to keep my eyes open. When I went straight to bed, Laura came with me and just unselfconsciously stripped down to her underwear and cuddled me until I dropped off. When I woke up she was gone. Her presence had been so comforting, so reassuring. I had been so lucky to meet her. I had a shower to refresh myself and dragged myself back out to face the world.
I tried to get back into my routine for the rest of the day. I did my best with my singing and deportment lessons although my heart wasn't really in it. I think Laura or Eve had spoken to the teachers and they were kind to me that day. Still demanding, but less critical and more encouraging. Danica even had me memorising and singing a new Eve song. We talked about the episode over dinner that evening. No one had a good suggestion to prevent it from happening again. The best plan was to see Dr Barn the next morning and see what she suggested. Laura was going to be coming with me and if nothing could be resolved to her satisfaction I would immediately return home.
“So, err... how did Chelle react to finding out who my mum is?” I was starting to feel comfortable calling Laura mum. Somehow, in such a short period of time, she had really stepped into my life in a way that I hoped she would never be out of it.
Mum laughed. “You kept me a secret, you naughty rascal. I could have blown her over with a feather.”
“Well, I don't have any classes with her, so I only get the chance to talk during lunch time and it is not exactly a private conversation. I really wish I had been more compus mentus. I would have loved to see her face. I can't wait until she can meet you, Eve. She loves music and I think you are one of her hero's. Did she ask for an autograph?” I smirked.
Laura's smile lost some of its sparkle. “I think we were both more concerned about someone else in the room at the time. She did get all excited when I organised pick up on Saturday. I did tell her that I would be in disguise though.”
I had really wanted to see Chelle all happy and excited. I thought meeting Laura and Eve would do that. It was a shame that I had ruined it by being in such a sad state. I would have to plot another event to achieve my goals.
Laura decided that after another panic attack that it would be better if she stayed with me that night and she was right, it was a bad one. I actually had to get up and move around, have a glass of water, before I could even try and settle back in bed.
My body seems so much more fragile than it was previously. I now cry at the drop of a hat, I get scared so easily and literally shake with fright. I never did that as Dillan, on the other hand, I had never been assaulted as Dillan. Despite that, I'm not sure I would change anything. If I could go back in time, I would definitely want to stop Richard, but there was something about being in a female body that suited me. I was making deeper emotional connections with the people around me. I was somehow more myself. I don't think I realised it at the time, but, as Dillan, I was holding myself back.
The next morning Laura came with me for my meeting with Dr Barn. She was disappointed with what had happened and claimed that I had been improving. I hadn't noticed anything, but she believed that by going to school with boys all around me, I was overcoming my fear. This episode was a clear set back and may have worsened my condition. Nor could she stop it from happening again. She had already spoken to the coach who would again talk to the team, but it had to be a voluntary action on their part. That was not good enough for Laura, she wasn't going to leave me to be terrorised again.
The obvious answers of going to an all girls school or home schooling didn't address the problem and had their own issues. There were no local all girls schools, so I would have to go into a boarding school and home schooling wouldn't address the socialisation that Dr Barn thought was needed to help me overcome my fears.
In the end there was only one answer that she could come up with and it needed to be tested first. Laura was not in disguise this morning and her bodyguards were present outside the door which is what gave the good Dr the idea. Would I be less anxious if I was being protected? It would need to be more than one person, as with multiple perceived threats, all my mind would need to see is that I could not avoid the confrontation and panic may well ensue.
If we were going to potentially bring bodyguards to the school the principle needed to OK it and we needed to see if it made any difference. So we had to wait for the principal to arrive and be available to talk. I stayed in Dr Barn's office with Laura while she went to see the principal and discuss the issue with him. Laura phoned the company that provided security for her to check availability. Female bodyguards were a lot less common than male ones, so it would need to be carefully scheduled.
The principal did not like the idea of bodyguards in classrooms and didn't want to set a precedent. However he thought that it was possible during the lunch break which was thought to be the most likely time an incident would take place. The next question was would it help my anxiety. He arranged to have three large lads approach me in the cafeteria while I had four bodyguards around me. It worked. As long as they placed themselves between me and the boy approaching, my stress levels stayed within manageable levels.
Since these were Laura's bodyguards and it was difficult to find replacements, and they were only going to be needed for an hour, the principal agreed that Laura could join me for that lunch hour with the bodyguards. It also made it seem less like I was guarded and more that Laura was. There was a bit of concern that Laura's presence would be a disruption, but it was not during lesson time, so the worst that could happen was someone would go hungry. There would also be times when she was unable to make it, but hopefully then Eve would come in her place with the same bodyguards. Laura could always have male ones as a replacement.
So I was a bit late for my first lesson of the day, but able to continue with school. I was not that fussed by school to be honest. I don't think I was getting much socialisation anyway, since I had been avoided up until now. I suspected that would now change, but only because of my connection to Laura, so no real friendships. Learning wise, I could achieve as much or more at home. Eve was very pro education and schools in general and since she didn't believe that I could be Dillan, I couldn't argue that I had almost already graduated.
Chapter 35
The whispering around me was very different today. Other girls in particular, were smiling at me and saying hello. I stayed friendly but didn't encourage any further conversation. They asked me if I knew Laura Kind, to which I answered yes. No elaboration, just yes. I knew that Laura did not want my adoption to be public before she announced it on television during an interview on the red carpet. I thought lunch was going to be interesting and I was right.
Laura was waiting by the entrance to the cafeteria with her bodyguards. The idea was that I would just join them and we would get our lunch together. However, instead of people moving into the room they stayed around Laura to see what was going on. The brave ones tried to talk to her. Her response was that she was waiting for someone and then she ignored anything further. This caused a crowd to form at the entrance making it difficult for me to join her.
In the end, realising that it wasn't working, she announced in a loud voice that everyone should go through and sit down and she would address them all. She pulled her phone out and spoke to someone and slowly there was movement past her and I was able to join her. We went to my normal table without having collected our food. Chelle was already sitting there, alone as usual.
Laura gracefully stepped onto a chair and then onto the table. Something about her bearing or attitude or maybe just charisma resulted in the entire cafeteria going quiet to listen to what she had to say.
“Thank you for your well wishing and compliments that you have thrown in my direction. I'm sorry, but I won't be signing autographs or spending time talking to you. I am here to have lunch with someone I care deeply for. Someone who has been wronged by you, the students of this school. I know that some of you will be thinking that I am not talking about you, I am only referring to those who have started a whispering campaign or those who have deliberately tried to intimidate her. No, with very few exceptions, I mean all of you. If you have not participated, you have heard those whispers and done nothing, you have seen the intimidation and done nothing. I know you are young, but you want to be treated like an adult. First you need to act like one.” Her gaze swept the room. “Please forget that I am here and lets have lunch.” She nodded to the principal who was standing by the entrance and then sat down. We sent one of the bodyguards to fetch our lunch since we thought it would be more problematic for us to go up.
Despite that speech, there were a couple of kids who wanted to join our table so I politely told them that the seats were taken, although they obviously weren't. So Chelle, Laura and I had lunch and no one dared come near. This could work, I thought to myself, this could work. Then we had gym and it all fell apart.
Laura had left with the bodyguards after escorting me to my next class. That was fine, but the last class of the day is gym. Since everyone stayed in the section relating to their practice, I was not expecting any trouble. I was pretty sure that the three guys from the previous lunch were football players and they practised in a completely different area to the obstacle course, it didn't even occur to me to worry. However, I'm guessing the football coach was not happy with their behaviour and had kicked them off the team, which left them both free to harass me and angry. I noticed them behind me lining up for the first obstacle. There was a smaller boy in between us initially, but they moved him aside just as I started. I don't think I have ever put more effort in moving across the course. They fell off before I did, but instead of heading back to the beginning of the obstacle they were waiting for me. I didn't wait for them to start their intimidation tactics, I just ran to the women's changing rooms and hid in there until the end of class. I was stressed but not in full panic mode.
That night Laura made the decision to pull me out of school. I could see that Eve wanted to argue, but didn't really have an alternative. When we phoned Dr Barn to cancel our next morning appointment, she suggested that I continue seeing her, even if I wasn't going to school. I had already spoken to Laura and told her that I would prefer finding another therapist. My first session with her was great, but after that I didn't really think we had accomplished anything.
Laura was worried that I would have another bad night, so she stayed with me again. Whether it was her presence which I always find calming or that I wasn't affected too much by my gym experience, the result was a good night's sleep.
The next morning we phoned the principal to formally tell him that I wouldn't be attending and explaining why. We thanked him for his efforts. He really did try to accommodate us, but you can't force people to behave and I was too vulnerable for me to remain. He was able to pass on the credits that I received for my English education. It only related to what was required for high school graduation according to California. There are minimum requirements for graduating in California and my English education would account for some of those requirements and I would have to finish the rest either online or with a teacher. Funnily enough there was no legal requirement for any teachers to have state credentials. Since I was already credited with two years of English, Maths, Science, History, Geography, French and PE, most of the requirements had already been met. I discussed this with Gem, Eve and Laura at lunch time. What we decided was that I would complete the minimum requirements by doing online courses for the bits that I was missing like one more year of English, US history, American government, civics and economics. Then I would have private tutors in for any subject that I wanted to learn more about. Already scheduled was my singing lessons, deportment class and personal training. Eve wanted me to add and I agreed with her, music lessons starting with music theory and piano lessons. Laura wanted me to do drama and was hoping to enrol me in a local amateur group. That would combine learning and socialisation. I wanted to continue with my Spanish so Gem said she would organise that for me. We would keep any tutors female so as not to trip my issues. Laura also wanted me to go out with her on a regular basis. She hoped that with our bodyguards around us, I would be able to face my fears whilst still feeling secure enough not to go into panic mode.
The only thing that worried me was leaving Chelle alone at lunch time. I sent her a text that morning so she knew not to expect me. The good news for me was that I was less overwhelmed with work, trying to catch up in classes where I was way behind. We could also reschedule our singing lessons and personal training to be more in line with Eve's normal day routine, which would leave me much more time after school to catch up with Chelle. That didn't change the fact that she would be on her own. Except that was not what happened. Maybe Laura's speech regarding those who don't participate still being guilty because they did not stop the action or maybe others wanted to associate with Chelle because she knew Laura and had spent the last lunch period talking to her. Regardless, it meant Chelle was again surrounded by former friends. She told me that she now considered them more acquaintances rather than friends, since they had deserted her so easily. She would be friendly towards them, but not anything further.
Agent Atworth's POV
I knocked and entered the directors office when he acknowledged me. After Dr Barn's call this morning, in combination with what we had heard in Eve's house, I had called this meeting.
“So, what is the problem?” He asked me.
“We have to make a decision fairly quickly, so I thought it best if I had your input. From our surveillance and Dr Barn's questioning we have come to a few conclusions. I'll start with Dr Barn. I should mention that Dr Barn is of the opinion that Sophia's behaviour is entirely within normal human expectation. However, all the information that Sophia is providing regarding her life in England, is complete nonsense. Nothing matches up. Teachers names, friends, descriptions of locations and even how she was treated. Even her handwriting is evidence that she is not the same person.”
“Dr Barn agrees that Sophia is an UE?”
“Sort of. She has not seen anything non-human. She can confirm that while Sophia is giving false information, there are no signs that a human would normally give to indicate that she was lying. Otherwise body language is consistent with human mannerisms. There is also not even a suggestion of a gender issue, which again confirms that Sophia is not Richard. Going over the taped recording of the original session, when Sophia talked about her attack, she called her attacker Richard, which we have no explanation for. Part of the reason for this meeting is that Dr Barn is no longer in a position to further interrogate Sophia. Sophia is using the anxiety issue as a reason to stop attending school and despite Dr Barn continuing to offer her services, Sophia is not continuing treatment.”
“Where does that leave us?” He asked me.
“I think we can conclude that Sophia is definitely not Richard. The question is, who is she? It is still possible that she is an UE, but there may be another answer. The only way to find out is to bring her in and, after reviewing our surveillance footage, we may have to do that sooner rather than later.”
“What's happened?”
“We were aware that Gem Haven had received formal guardianship of Sophia and approached a judge for a formal adoption. We did not know that it was Laura Kind who actually adopted Sophia and plans to announce that fact to the world next Saturday on the red carpet. After that it will become very difficult to extract her without an elaborate cover story.”
“I see. So what is the plan?”
“Providing that you agree, we, that is the General and I, have arranged for Eve to meet her father on Monday where he will explain everything. Hopefully, Eve will then arrange for our men to be able to bring Sophia in. That seems the least messy. Eve will probably have to talk to Laura and Gem. Unlike Eve, they don't have clearance, but that doesn't matter. Our policy of allowing unsubstantiated information to be distributed as anyone talking to the press is just laughed at, should serve us well.”
I waited while the director thought for a moment. Then he nodded his head. “Do it.” He said.
Chapter 36 Chelle's POV
I woke up with my usual fuzzy headedness. Then I went through my usual where am I? What time is it? What day is it? Then I felt a surge of adrenaline as I realised it was Saturday. My goodness it had been a long week, but now it was the day I had been waiting for.
In some respects I had a much better week than any since the big reveal. I was surrounded by people trying to be friendly. I was popular again. This time though, I could sense how artificial and superficial it all was. I almost preferred my isolated truth. Still, I pretended with the best of them while longing for the week to end and Saturday to arrive.
I jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom. I had plenty of time and knew I was going to be ready far too early, but I couldn't help myself, I had this eager energy surging through me. Soph had told me not to shave as we would be going to the spa after we had finished shopping and that would include a waxing. My hair was really quite dark and showed up terribly on my legs, so I had had a course of laser treatments some time ago. I still had some hair show up occasionally, but it was hardly noticeable.
So a day of shopping with my only real friend, then spa treatments and then dinner in a posh restaurant. Sleeping the night at Laura Kind's house. I knew it was Eve's house as well, but I imagined she was off doing rock star stuff, so I probably wasn't going to meet her. Spend the day with my friend, who I was hoping would become my girlfriend, and a massive celebrity, followed by watching a movie, with Soph cuddled in my arms and sleeping another night. It felt like someone had bundled all my Christmasses and birthdays for the next ten years into one amazing weekend.
In the shower with the hot water pounding me and my hands all covered in soap, I couldn't help imagining kissing Soph and her hands touching me. That girl turned me on something fierce. We had been sitting across from each other with me staring into her gorgeous eyes, her face all alight with light and life when I had to stop myself from leaning forwards to kiss those juicy lips. Now, I could pretend that I had had that courage. Tonight or maybe tomorrow night I was going to screw my courage to that sticking place as I think Shakespeare said, and take my chance. It had to be spontaneous, but I just knew it was going to be perfect. I was getting quite excited just thinking about it. I spent a little longer than I usually did in the shower and came out a little more flushed than I did going in.
I did wonder what it was going to be like spending time with a major Hollywood star. Both times that I had interacted with her, my major impression was of an angry protective mother bear type attitude. Today should be quite different. I knew I had to treat her as if she was nothing special, just Soph's mum. It was going to be hard, but for the day to go well, I needed to chill out and just have fun.
I had met some pretty important people through mum and dad's social functions. Mainly politicians and business people, nothing of Laura's fame. They acted like I should know who they were and treat them like royalty. Laura, who was a much bigger celebrity, seemed to act with more confidence and grace. It was like she didn't need people to recognise her or praise her, and yet, almost because of that attitude she stood out as someone who was obviously important and worthy.
I took my time and tried to get my makeup and hair as perfect as possible. I even asked my mum for help to make sure I had done a good job and pick out the right clothes. It was nice to be able to spend time with mum, not arguing or having another lecture on how much easier my life would be if I would put men back on the menu. She had even admitted that she found both women and men attractive and if I was the same I should chose a man. Ever since I had been forced to come out of the closet and tell her that I preferred women, she had been saying that she loved me and accepted me for who I was, while at the same time setting up dates with sons of people that she or dad knew. Her explanation was that it gave me the opportunity to make sure I knew what I wanted. All it had done was keep us in conflict. I don't think anyone wants to be different and I knew how much easier my life would be if I fancied men, but I just didn't. I had already spent enough time agonising over it that it really wasn't in debate any more. I had been forced to accept that it was just the way it was.
Before agreeing to me staying over with Soph, mum had asked me whether Soph was a friend who was a girl or a girlfriend. I answered honestly that Soph was a friend. The fact that I wanted that to change and that Soph had admitted that she was lesbian, I kept to myself. I don't think mum had come to terms with my reality yet and I could see more disagreements in our near future. If this weekend went as well as I hoped, I would refuse any more attempts from my mother to get me to date others. I was eighteen now and didn't feel I needed her permission for anything in my life. I just wanted the relationship that we had before I came out, back.
After breakfast and a quick repair job on my makeup I needed to distract myself while I waited. I went to my music room and tried to capture my excitement with a song. I have written a few songs, but I have never been in a band, so only wrote the songs with guitar accompaniment and although I was happy with my experiments, I could tell that they needed more than what they currently were. Even if they probably weren't commercial, they were fun and helped distract me while I was waiting. I did keep checking the time, so I wasn't fully focussed.
Ten minutes before they were due to arrive I couldn't contain myself anymore and ended up waiting by the front door, looking out the side panels to see the car coming. I noticed I was bouncing on my heels in excitement and tried to calm myself down and when I saw a limo coming up the drive I shouted bye to mum and stepped outside with my suitcase. Dad as usual was working somewhere, probably in the house and hates being disturbed.
After coming to a careful stop besides me, the limo driver rushed round to let me in and then took my suitcase to place it in the boot. It was a stretched limo so there was plenty of room inside, even with Laura and Soph waiting for me.
“Shouldn't I get out and meet your mother?” Laura asked.
“You can if you like, but it might be best if you didn't. I told her that Soph's mum was picking us up and I know you are keeping that on the down low at the moment.” My mum hadn't come to the door. I suspected she was being a little disrespectful deliberately since she was always around when she had organised a date for me. Which also meant she probably didn't buy the friend rather than girlfriend answer. Oh well.
With a bit of a frown that only lasted a second and was then hidden by her usual smile, Laura asked the driver to take us to the mall. Stretched limos are common enough that they don't always contain celebrities. Still, the driver took us into an underground car park and dropped us off near a less frequented entrance. Laura put on a very dark brown wig and glasses that made it difficult to recognise her and we started our shopping expedition. Waiting for us by the entrance was another lady that Laura introduced as Daphne, a fashion consultant.
Daphne asked Laura the aim of this mission, which was number one, find a red carpet gown for both Laura and Soph and number two, shop until we dropped. We would have lunch when one of us felt hungry and visit the spa at four pm. Laura asked me to keep close to Soph, especially if there were any men who approached too close and, if need be, lead her to the ladies and calm her down.
Thus began one of the best days of my life. I used the suggestion to get close to Soph and side hug her when I could. She was such a little thing and would look up at me with these huge eyes so full of gratitude that my heart melted. Laura was fun and much more relaxed than when I had last met her. She had so many interesting stories that we could have been constantly entertained by her, but she didn't hog the conversation and allowed us all to feel comfortable. Daphne was a font of knowledge on the fashion front. I am not always the easiest to fit, with my tall slim frame, but Daphne seemed to instinctively know what would look good on me and helped me enormously finding clothes that I loved. I offered to pay and had brought my purse and handbag, but Laura refused, insisting that since they had invited me, this was on her.
There were a few times that we had to manoeuvre ourselves so that Soph would feel more secure and I glared at a few boys that seemed to be taking an unhealthy interest in my girl. During lunch we found a corner where Soph could sit with us around her. Overall, her anxiety remained under control and didn't detract from the wonderful day. It did really annoy me to think that she should have been able to go to school if it wasn't for idiots deliberately trying to provoke her. It was frustrating since there was nothing that could be legally done to stop them.
The perfect gowns were found, then we had to find others that were almost as nice to go out in that evening. When it was time for the spa we had achieved all that we wanted. We said goodbye to Daphne and started our pampering. Rather than waxing we had laser treatments, then some kind of moisturising wrap, followed by massage and ended with hair, nails and makeup. We then dressed in the gowns we had chosen for today. Now Laura's wig came off and she somehow altered her posture and seemed to bring this instant change from mum next door to movie star. As we left the spa we were surrounded by four female bodyguards who guided us back to the waiting limo. Laura was now recognisable and we stopped a few times for her to sign autographs.
Chapter 37 Sophia's POV
I had had an amazing day so far. I'd been shopping with Laura and Daphne before, but adding Chelle added a whole other dimension to it. I really, really wanted to look good for her. Previously, I had listened carefully and tried to absorb as much information as possible. I had been trying to learn insights into a world I had never travelled before.
Today, I wanted to impress Chelle. I needed her to see me as beautiful. I wasn't just looking at colours and fashions, but concentrating on what I thought enhanced my looks. I also loved the attention that Chelle was showing me. When I had been with Jen, my role had been that of the protector. Now I was the small delicate flower and I was being looked after by my strong Amazon. A small voice was trying to say that I needed to toughen up, be the man, but the larger part of me was enjoying that feeling of vulnerability surrounded by someone else's aura of love and protection. It was the same feeling I got at night when Laura or Gem spooned me. With Jen I did the spooning and now I was being spooned both physically and emotionally, and, as much as a small part of me fought that, the rest of me felt a warm glow that people could care for me that much. It was like being hugged in a way that you couldn't hug back, so you knew they weren't doing it for themselves, only for you.
A spa experience is usually a pleasurable one and how do you make it better? You share it with those that you care for. I almost thought love, but I didn't feel confident using that word, even in my mind, about Chelle just yet. Laura, absolutely, Chelle, not quite yet. I think I was heading in that direction. It was fairly obvious that we found each other attractive and so far her personality made me think she was amazing. I was mature enough to know that I shouldn't put her on a pedestal, and that no one was perfect. I hadn't found any faults yet and, to be honest, had no intention of looking for any.
I loved the look on Chelle's face when Laura turned on her star quality and we met up with our bodyguards. It was somewhere between shock and pleasure. Laura was very good at putting people at their ease, so it didn't last long, but it did make me want to rub my hands in glee for what I had planned next. Since I had missed mum's first meeting with Chelle, I wanted to capture Chelle's first meeting with Eve. I know it was a bit naughty, still, I had managed to get Eve and Laura on board.
We arrived at the restaurant before Eve and were seated in a booth. I made sure that both Chelle and myself had our backs to the padded bench. When Eve texted me that she was at the entrance. I apologised to Chelle and asked her to remain while I had a quick private conversation with mum. I then took mum out of sight and then back around to that I could see Chelle from the side.
Eve casually walked up to Chelle. She knew what Chelle looked like because I had sent her a photo from my phone earlier and let's face it, you rarely find a woman sitting in a restaurant on her own.
“Is this seat taken?” Eve asked.
“Umm.. yes, I mean no.” Chelle responded. I was taking photos with my phone and her face was a real picture. Flustered, excited, scared and shocked.
I couldn't leave her struggling so I rushed back to the table with the biggest grin. I kissed Eve on the cheek and whispered 'thank you' to her and then sat besides Chelle. “Got you.”
Chelle was still a bit red faced, but laughed it off. Laura settled herself next to Eve. Chelle then tapped me on the shoulder so I turned to face her. She put her finger under my chin to lift my face up and then gave me the softest, sweetest and most sensual kiss that I had ever received. Wow. I think my face was left with this expression of wonder.
“Got you back.” She answered.
I blushed when I remembered we had an audience. Laura and Eve were laughing at me, which I guess was fair enough. Once I had calmed down, I moved myself closer to Chelle, so that our legs were touching and then whispered in her ear. “I want more.” That left her blushing again.
We managed to tone it down for the rest of the meal and have a decent conversation with the two celebrities in front of us, but I was constantly aware of our legs touching or when she stroked my back or touched my hand. I felt flushed in a way I was not familiar. I was guessing that this was what it felt like to be turned on as a woman. My body was definitely saying more, more, more.
Mum was smiling in a way that let me know she knew what was going on and was both encouraging and amused. During the meal Eve found out that Chelle had written some songs and since we didn't have anything really planned for tomorrow apart from the evening, she suggested that Chelle retrieve her guitar and notes for a music session. Laura as the versatile actress that she was, was a trained singer with a lovely voice and I had been having daily lessons, so it was something we could all participate in.
We all had a great restaurant experience. When we returned home Laura and Eve did sit us down for a semi serious conversation. Laura was the main talker with Eve supporting her.
“I'm new to this mum thing, so I have had no time to work out the right way to talk about this, or even what I think is the right thing to suggest. Clearly, if you both sleep in the same room...”
“Mum!” I said already embarrassed.
“I know this is awkward, honey, but we need to have this discussion. You obviously care for each other and we all know where that leads. On the one hand I'm thinking, you can't get pregnant, so why can't you have your fun and on the other I'm worried that if you are not ready for that it could hurt you emotionally. There has got to be a balance in there somewhere and I have no idea where that is.”
Chelle coughed into her hands which I think was a nervous reaction. “Umm, how about we put some rules in place.”
“What do you suggest?” Laura asked.
Chelle thought for a bit. “How about no skin on skin near erogenous zones?” She then looked at me quite intensely. “Apart from my lips.”
Eve laughed then. “I don't think allowing lips on erogenous zones will keep things chaste.”
Chelle and I both blushed at that. “Errr... I mean lips on lips.” Chelle said.
Eve laughed again and didn't need to say anything to keep us from working that one out.
“How about we say no skin on skin near erogenous zones. You can kiss, but nothing below the shoulders.” Laura said with a smile. “We can change the rules later, but I want you to promise me that you will keep them and if it ever goes beyond them, you will tell me as soon as possible.”
I was then sent off to get changed while mum talked to Chelle. I knew it was going to be about my nightmares and I didn't really want to be present for that anyway. I did think that turn about was fair play and when were alone I was going to quiz her as to when she had lost her virginity and how she felt about that. That also might help us formulate a plan as to what could be allowed, when.
With all that resolved Chelle was going to be able to sleep in my bed with me. Which I thought was pretty liberal of mum. Both of us in PJ's and honour bound to be relatively good. Having had the intimacy talk, with both of us probably working out what was still possible, getting into bed together actually turned out to be a bit awkward. I think neither of us were quite sure how to start.
“Let's not stress about this. Tonight please just spoon me, Chelle. I want to feel held in your strong arms. Anything else needs to happen naturally.” I told her, as I turned away from her and then backed into her. With relief I felt her arms around me and her warmth against my back, holding me firmly.
“My pleasure.” She murmured into the back of my head with that sweet sexy French accent.
Initially we were both a bit tense. I couldn't help thinking of her breasts pressed against me and her body covering around my bottom, but as nothing further happened, we both relaxed and eased into each other. Pretty soon I was dropping off to sleep.
Chapter 38 Chelle's POV
In the middle of the night I woke up, not quite sure what had awoken me. Then I felt Soph breathing fast, almost hyperventilating and occasionally twitching. I started stroking her and telling her that she was safe, that I was here to look after her and protect her and that her mum was nearby and wouldn't let anything bad happen to her.
I kept repeating myself and tenderly touching her through her PJ's. Laura had warned me not to hold her too tightly as sometimes that made it worse. It seemed to be working as her breathing seemed less frantic. Slowly, over five minutes or so, she returned to normal. I don't think she woke up fully at any point. When I thought it was over I hugged her to me and felt her clutch my hand, like she didn't want to let me go. I felt such a warm feeling in my heart when she did that. I was really falling for her.
In the morning I asked her how she slept and she was so pleased that she hadn't disturbed me with a scream that I didn't have the heart to tell her what had happened. Besides she kissed in joy thinking that she had slept through. We both had to have a quick bathroom break or I think we would have stayed lip locked for the rest of the day.
We both climbed back into bed and lay on our sides facing each other.
“We have had to be very careful what we have said to each other for fear of others overhearing us. I have left out or avoided certain topics.” While she said this to me she was staring me intently in the eyes, then she looked away. “I really care for you, Chelle, so I want to be as honest as possible and answer any questions you may have.”
“You came to me when I was lost and alone. My supposed friends had abandoned me, my father has always been a distant figure and didn't care one way or another, but I thought my mother supported me. She says she does and then she sets me up with dates with boys to try and change my mind. I hope you don't mind, but.” I stroked her face causing her eyes to rise up and meet mine. I somehow sensed that I needed to be the dominant one in this relationship, so I needed to ask less and do more. “Since I am now in a committed relationship with you, ma belle, I will be stopping that. Through your actions I know all I need to know about you. I would like to know more, but I do not need to. Tell me about yourself, ma belle, but only what you want to.”
“What would you like to know?” She asked me in a small voice. She has secrets, I could tell and she was opening up and giving me the opportunity to know her skeletons, and yet doing so would hurt her.
“I do not really care what is in your past. I wouldn't mind knowing how you ended up with Laura Kind as your mother. Not if it is too painful though.”
She smiled sadly. “It will be painful, but you should know. Could you hold me and I will tell you.”
I lay on my back and pulled her onto my chest. I am not particularly big in the chest department so there wasn't a lot of cushioning and she had to shift a little to get comfortable. Then she told me about falling in love with a straight girl, Jen, whose boyfriend attacked her and killed her parents, her Aunt rescuing her and bringing her to the states. Her Aunt, Gem, working for Eve and Laura and then being invited into their home and the connection she made with Laura.
The tale did not take long to tell and was short on detail, but heavy on emotion. I stroked her as she lay on my chest, pulling herself together. “That is enough. Do you have any questions about me?” I asked her. She shook her head on my chest. Even if she did, I don't think she was in the right frame of mind to ask them.
After she had been quiet for awhile she sat up abruptly. “Enough moping.” She said and then took herself off to the bathroom. I had been enjoying her lying on me, but it probably was time to get up.
While she was in the bathroom I checked to see if anyone else was up and found Laura in the kitchen making breakfast. She asked me how the night went, so I told her what happened in the middle of the night and that Soph was unaware and I wanted it to stay that way. She thanked me for looking after her. I stayed to help her out in my PJ's until Soph emerged and then we swapped and she helped while I got myself sorted.
By the time I was ready Gem and Eve were at the table. Gem was introduced to me and I could see a vague resemblance if you discounted how stacked she was. I wondered if that meant Soph was going to end up like that and sort of hoped she did. I can't deny I am a fan of a nice big chest. I tried hard to keep eye contact with Gem when I spoke to her while feeling this almost magnetic pull down. It didn't help that I ended up sitting opposite her.
Gem had some things she wanted to do so it was going to be the four of us until the evening. The plan was to have the limo take us back to my house so that I could pick up my music stuff and then we would all play with it here. Eve didn't want to get my hopes up and said this was all about having fun. With my permission we would take the songs that I had written and try and see what we could do with them and then sing them. Maybe even record it. Not for a record company, but our own enjoyment. If it turned out fantastic then she could talk to her contacts, but that was not the purpose. Again she repeated, the idea was to have fun.
I phoned my mum, just to let her know that I would be popping round to pick my stuff up. The conversation did not go exactly to plan.
“Hi mum, one of Soph's parents is really musical so we thought we would have a play together. I'll be round in the next half an hour to pick up my guitar and stuff.”
“That is fine dear. Do you still want to stay the night? If you can get home before seven I have a handsome boy who is just dying to meet you. You never know, he could be the one.”
I was getting fed up with this. “I will still be staying the night and no, I am not interested in dating any boy, handsome or ugly, rich or poor. No more, mum, please, no more. Just accept me for who I am, please.” I felt Soph's arms cuddling me from behind. I was so glad that I had moved into her bedroom to make the call. She had asked if I wanted privacy, but I really didn't expect anything more than a two minute conversation, just letting mum know that I was on my way.
“Is this about your friend who is not your girlfriend?” Her voice became harder. “Have you slept with her?”
“I am happy to say that Soph has moved from the friend to girlfriend category.” I tried to avoid the sleep question, since it was misleading. Yes we had slept together but no, we hadn't had sex, none of which I wanted to discuss with my mother.
“You have slept with her, haven't you, I can hear it in your voice. You know that doesn't speak well for her character, sleeping with someone on the first date. You can do so much better, baby.”
Now I was getting really annoyed. “What you are probably hearing in my voice is happiness, at least until I started this conversation with you. And if I did sleep with her on our first date wouldn't that mean your daughter was of low character and SHE could do better?” This wasn't going well. “I'll be round in half an hour. Bye.” I put the phone down. I turned to Soph. “Sorry about that. I think I should go on my own to pick up my stuff.”
She smiled at me mischievously. “I'll ask Eve to go with you. No one says no to Eve. She is like a force of nature. Besides, can you imagine the look on your mothers face when Eve turns up to help you pick up your guitar.”
I had to smile at that.
I filled Eve in on my circumstances a little. How on the surface my mother has pretended to be supportive and then, with a complete lack of understanding is trying to convert my sexuality by forcing me to go on dates with men, under the mistaken belief that I am bisexual. I also told her how my phone call went. She was sympathetic with my plight and willing to help.
Chapter 39
We jumped into the limo and drove to my house. I was feeling nervous and a bit scared that mum was going to muck this up for me. On the other hand, Eve had this grin on her face, ready for a confrontation and looking forward to it. I think she was trying to keep me from freaking out by keeping a conversation going. We talked about music generally, favourite songs and artists.
When we arrived Eve strode confidently up to the door and rang the bell. I did have a key and was half thinking that I could sneak in and grab my stuff with no one the wiser, although arriving in a limo would probably have announced my presence anyway. I think mum was waiting for me as she answered the door pretty quickly. Not too surprising considering I had told her I was coming and even told her how long I thought it would take to get here.
The next encounter was almost funny to watch. Mum opened the door quite forcefully with anger in her eyes and an argument on her lips. Instead of encountering her wayward daughter, she was faced with Eve. I am fairly tall at five feet eleven, Eve is a touch taller and yet not enough to really account for the way she seemed to loom like a giant over my mother. Mum was only a couple of inches smaller than me, but right now, it looked like a confrontation between David and Goliath, I only it hoped it didn't turn out the same way.
Mum's expression went from anger, to confusion, to a half hearted attempt at a welcoming face. “Err...pleased to meet you. You must be Sophia's parent?”
“Eve.” Eve said, holding out a hand to shake, pretending that mum hadn't recognised her.
“Oh, err... I'm Regine.” Mum said, flustered.
I think Eve is a master of mental judo. She sort of looked like she was moving forward, which caused my mum to back away, making it look like she was inviting us in and then Eve and I went in.
“I think it is great that you are so supportive of your daughter and her life choices. I can't imagine how hard her school life has been considering how bigoted some people are. At least she has you to rely on, someone who loves her no matter what.” Eve said. I picked up on a subtle hand signal so I missed the rest of the talk as I went to gather my guitar and music notes and rushed back.
It was a bit of a shame really, I wanted to hear what my mum was going to say. I was pretty sure she had been going to tell me that I wasn't allowed to go back and had to stay home. Now, if she did that, she was going to look so foolish. I did manage to hear mum thank Eve for indulging my music fantasies. She managed to say it in such a way that the thanks appeared genuine while putting down my music ability, which was impressive considering English was not her first language. Normally I would have kissed her on my way past, but I really didn't feeling like it right then, so I hurried past her with a muttered 'see ya'.
I felt a great sense of relief as we were driving away. This was my first little bit of joy in my life for a long time and I feared mum was going to put a stop to it.
“See, that wasn't so hard.” Eve said.
For some reason that caused me to laugh. Maybe it was a way to relieve my tension. I knew Eve had gone into the situation with only one outcome in mind and achieved that effortlessly. I wish I had some of her strength and self confidence.
“Thanks, Eve. That was awesome.”
“No worries, kid, no worries.”
By the time we returned Gem was off out on her errands so the four of us gathered around the table with my music in front of us. First Eve asked me to pick out a song and then I sang it quietly. I got my guitar out and tried to express it as best a possible. Eve then pointed out, where the song was weak and between us we tried to make it better. When you write something, it is almost like it is a part of you and when someone criticises it, you feel wounded emotionally. But Eve did it so matter of factly, that all I felt was a desire to improve it.
Soph really came into her own. First she asked me to describe what I was trying express in the song and then seemed to come up with much better words. In the end, she almost completely re wrote the song, saying this bit didn't quite fit, and then the bit before it needed to change. Eve played with the guitar sound and then we all went to this stage which had a complete set of instruments on it. Eve then managed to add a piano sound while Laura practised singing it with Soph. Between them they came up with some background singing suggestions, while I was playing the guitar. I tried singing it, but it was much better with Soph singing it with Laura as a background singer, me on guitar and Eve on piano.
We then went to another room which was a miniature recording studio. Eve explained that she had a pretty good system, but would go to the record studio when she was ready to record songs for the public. She reckoned that we could get a good enough recording with what she had available to produce a demo CD for the record company. And yes, she did think it was good enough for her to present it.
We did our best to record it and then broke for lunch. I never knew producing music was so hard. Eve seemed hypercritical and we had to repeat ourselves so many times, but the end product, I have to say, I was very proud of.
Laura and Soph prepared lunch. I was so surprised that this mega star was doing her own cooking and cleaning that I had to ask. When I did Soph answered very weirdly.
“Don't mention the war!” Soph said. Which caused Laura to chuckle and Eve to smile.
Seeing my look of confusion Laura explained. “What Soph is trying to say is that it is a touchy subject. I used to have a team who did pretty much everything for me. They betrayed my trust so now I am very wary of hiring anyone new. We have a housekeeper who does the cooking five days a week, but never on a Sunday. I actually quite like doing a bit myself. I think it helps to keep me grounded.”
“Oh, umm... OK. Err... what has that got to do with the war?” I said thoroughly puzzled.
“Have you ever heard of 'Fawlty Towers'?” Laura asked me. Of course, I hadn't, which lead to an after lunch watch this old English sitcom session. Laura chose her favourite episode, which at one point had this guy beating up his car with a branch for not listening to him. I was almost rolling on the floor in laughter.
After that Soph wanted to do a gym workout, so we all ended up going to the gym. I couldn't believe how much Eve and Soph pushed themselves. Laura and I did more of a cardiovascular workout. Eve and Soph did that and then followed it with a weight session. For all that Soph was such a little thing, she sure managed some heavy weights. Then we had a warm down in the pool and a relax in the hot tub after. For the movie we ordered some pizza and Laura prepared some popcorn.
We watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Some parts of it, I just didn't get, other parts made me laugh so much my stomach hurt and others made me laugh and I had no idea why. The second movie was a romantic sweet sentimental movie. To be honest I spent most of it cuddled up to Soph, not concentrating on the screen. Soph was watching it and it was fascinating seeing all these expressions crossing her face and altering her body posture.
When we went to bed, this time, I stroked her, caressed her and kissed her. I kept to the rules and we managed to keep it relatively chaste, but I was, oh so tempted. In the end, I physically turned her away and cuddled her from behind to stop us from going further. I could feel her heart beating fast from excitement and just held her as we both came down from such a high.
The best two days of my life.
Chapter 40 Sophia's POV
I had another great night sleep. Two in a row was a new record for me. Sleeping all the way through without waking and I could only put it down to Chelle being in my bed with me. I wish she could be there every night. Whether it was the great sleep, or the wonderful weekend that I had just had, I woke up with such a feeling of elation. My life was turning out to be amazing.
Chelle had school today so she had to be up and ready quite early. Maria already had breakfast prepared. I sent Chelle off to school with a long passionate kiss. We wanted to immediately organise another time to meet, but Chelle said she needed a long chat with her mother before she could do that. She was going to call me that evening after she had sorted everything out.
Eve was off to visit her father today, Gem and Lisa still had lots of work to do, which left mum and me at the breakfast table relaxing.
“What are your plans for today?” mum asked me.
“We still haven't changed my schedule yet so this afternoon I have a singing lesson with Danica followed by my deportment and grace lesson. I figured this morning I would do a gym session and then some online lessons and some reading. Shall we meet at lunch time?”
“Yes. I will join you for the gym session. You make me feel positively lazy and after that pizza last night, I feel the need to burn some calories. I've got some scripts to read through then I will join you for lunch.” She paused to have another sip of her coffee, both hands wrapped around the mug like she was holding something precious. “I had an interesting conversation with Eve last night.” She looked up at me.
“Umm?” I said very intelligently, looking back at her.
“Do you know what you want to do with your life? I know you are only sixteen, or almost sixteen. Money really isn't an issue, so the question is, what do you want to do?”
I thought about it for a bit. “I don't know. As you know, I was into computers and websites, but that wasn't because I enjoyed it. It was a way to earn money, or more accurately it was a way for Katie, Jen's mum, to earn money and do something that she relished. All I know for certain is I don't want to do nothing.”
“Well, Eve said that she was impressed with your song writing and thought the song that we made in collaboration had a good chance of success. Your singing voice fit the song very nicely. I've also noticed that you have a very expressive face which is a fantastic asset in acting. I was thinking that you could try them both and see what you liked. We can follow Eve on her tour as a family and on my next movie you can come with me and see what is involved. Since most of your learning is now internet dependent which can be done anywhere, we can involve you in as much as you want. You don't need to come up with any answers. You've got plenty of time. I just wanted you to think about it.”
“Both sound like fun, but I don't know what is actually involved and the only way to find out is to follow those who do. I would love to follow you two around as long as I am not going to be in the way.”
Mum smiled at me. “You'll never be in the way. You'll just add to our joy.”
She certainly had given me a lot to think about. I tried to imagine myself as a rock star or an actress and just couldn't quite see it. I had really enjoyed working on the song with Chelle and she had lots more for us to work on. That could also be an excuse to bring Chelle further into my life. As far as acting went, I really didn't know what was involved. I had always thought becoming an actor or actress required huge amounts of hard work, effort, skill and luck. By having Laura as a parent I was probably going to have a short cut into the business, but that would only give me a chance, the rest would be up to me.
It did make me want to finish my educational requirements as quickly as possible, so that I could concentrate on the more fun activities. So that is what I was doing after lunch until it was time for my singing lesson.
Eve's POV
I was angry, hurt and generally pissed off. There was probably a good amount of disbelief and shock thrown in. When dad told me that Soph was not who I thought she was, I was surprised that he even knew about her. He came up with the preposterous idea that she was some kind of alien or a UE, unknown entity. I almost laughed in his face. Then he went through the evidence. Handwriting, recorded conversations with Dr Barn that didn't relate to reality, videos of Soph swimming along with school records which included her lack of swimming ability. Her complete personality change from being transgender with aggressive, almost overly masculine traits to what she was now. He also admitted that all high level military personnel were told that there was incontrovertible proof that UE's existed and went through the testimony of the others who were on that same bus journey. He showed pictures of disturbed debris where the bus was supposed to have fallen down and page following page of accounts saying there was no doubt, something had happened and Sophia was not Sophia.
When I could deny it no longer I felt betrayed. Then dad asked for my help to bring her in and I realised that Laura was going to be even more devastated. Laura really had her heart involved and after previous betrayals this was going to hit her so hard, I didn't even want to contemplate it. Nor could I deny dad's request, so we worked out a plan. I cancelled Danica for both of our singing lessons and then phoned Laura and told her that I had been held up and had cancelled my singing lesson but not Soph's. I had some news that I needed to share, so I was going to pick up everyone as soon as Soph went for her lesson and we would go to a cafe for me to explain. By everyone I meant Laura, Gem and Lisa. I figured asking Maria to join us might raise some red flags and she shouldn't be anywhere near the stage which was where Soph was going to have her lesson.
I didn't think I could face Soph without giving anything away so I waited just outside our estate until the time was right and turned up to pick everyone up as soon as Laura texted me that Soph had gone to her lesson.
Of course, as soon as Laura got in the car she started quizzing me to find out what was going on. I told her that I would reveal all when we got to the cafe which was about a fifteen minute drive. I thought, by then, it would all be over.
When we got to the cafe I chose a sofa to sit in. I wanted Laura in my arms when I told her. Nothing was going to make this any easier, but I wanted to be there for her as much as I could. I settled us together on the sofa.
“What is it?” Gem asked. “You are stressing me out.”
“Shall we get some drinks first?” I asked, trying to prolong the moment before I had to break Laura's world.
“Just tell us.” Laura said.
I sighed and held Laura tightly. “Soph is not who she says she is.”
Laura pulled away from me forcefully so that she could look me in the eyes. “What have you done!” She almost shouted.
Sophia's POV
I went to the stage where I expected to see Danica waiting for me, but the stage was empty. I figured that she was either running a bit late or had gone to use the rest room. So I sat on the edge of the stage kicking my feet, waiting.
After a few minutes, not enough to have really started thinking that something was wrong, I saw a large guy in a suit come in through the distant door. I immediately turned to look at the other exit which was behind and to the side of the stage as a dose of adrenaline kicked into my system. That doorway was only about four metres away from me and was filled with another large guy in a suit. I leapt off the stage to keep as far away from them both as possible, but there were no other exits. Trying to keep them both in view by whipping my head from side to side and backing towards the windows as they approached me. I know they were saying something, however, I was in a full blown panic by that stage and was only thinking of escape. They had both their hands out as if to grab me and I knew I had to get past them to get to the exit.
I used my almost forgotten rugby skills to dodge one guy by faking a left and going right with a hand off to stop him from getting me only to face a third guy coming out of the door way holding a gun towards me and firing. I felt this unbelievable pain in my chest as I collapsed to the floor, no more strength left in me, like a puppet with its strings cut.
Laura's POV
I was looking at Eve in horror. I called the limo to come and pick me up. He shouldn't have gone far so he should only be a few seconds. I needed to get back to Soph as quick as possible.
“You don't understand Laura. Honey. Dad has shown me the evidence, Soph has been replaced. I know this sounds crazy, but she is not Sophia.”
“I know that.” I started heading for the street so I could jump into the limo as soon as it arrived. Eve, Gem and Lisa followed me.
“What?” Eve said thoroughly confused.
“Richard became Dillan and Dillan became Sophia. We tried to tell you, but you laugh off anything supernatural.” The limo had arrived so I jumped in and told him to head home as quickly as possible. Eve, Gem and Lisa jumped in as well. “What did you do?” I asked her again. I couldn't help the anger in my voice.
“I, err... arranged for her to be picked up.”
“By who?” I asked Eve.
“Some of my father's men, I guess. I was more worried about you and how you would react to find out you had been betrayed. You should have told me.”
“Let me ask you this, Eve. What did it take to convince you? Would you have believed me if I had told you? Do you remember the movie, The Swap and how afterwards Soph talked about being changed on the bus and your reaction? Soph has had to cope with so much. She gets swapped from a boy to a girl and as she is coming to terms with that, is brutally attacked by Richard in her old body and wakes up to find her substitute parents have been killed. She is taken away by a relative she doesn't know to a country she is completely unfamiliar with. She finally is starting to get some stability in her life and you do this. Why didn't you speak to me first? She is my daughter, why didn't you ask me before you did anything? I do feel betrayed, by you.”
As we came closer to our driveway I saw an ambulance pulling out of our driveway and with a mothers instinct redirected the limo to follow the ambulance. I called Maria. It was difficult to understand since she was crying and speaking Spanish, but I was right, Soph was in the ambulance. I looked at Eve. “Please phone your father and find out what happened and make sure I am allowed access.”
Eve spoke on her phone. Most of her side of the conversation didn't make sense so I had to wait for her to finish before I could get any sense out of her.
“She resisted arrest.” Eve said
“You mean she ran away from large men?” I said with a sarcastic voice.
“She was hit with a taser in the chest. It, umm... stopped her heart. They performed CPR and eventually got it started again, but she has remained unconscious. There is talk about brain damage.” Eve said quietly.
“Oh God!” My anger evaporated as my heart screamed in agony and I broke down crying. Gem comforted me as I wouldn't let Eve touch me.
Chapter 41 Sophia's POV
I woke up and struggled to open my eyes. For some reason my eyelids were really heavy, but I managed to blink a few times and finally open them properly. I looked around trying to work out where the hell I was, who I was and even what the hell happened. The room was clearly a hospital room and it was empty. It being empty was comforting for some unknown reason.
I tried to sit up. Although I wasn't strapped down I did have all these tubes attached to me that were stopping me moving properly. They felt wrong, so I started trying to pull them out. It hurt, but that just spurred me on. Something I was doing set off an alarm which made me more frantic to pull them out. The worst one was in my nose. I'm guessing that went all the way into my stomach.
A nurse rushed into the room and then stopped in sudden surprise seeing me sitting up staring at her. “Well, hello, sugar. Just let me switch these alarms off.” She proceeded to fiddle with things above my head. “You're not supposed to remove the tubes yourself. All you had to do was ask.” Then she checked some of the places where I had pulled tubes out or wires off me. She needed to bandage me a little to stop me from bleeding.
“I will go and let them know that you are awake.” She reassured me.
Except I wasn't reassured. I couldn't remember who I was or where I was, but I knew they were coming to get me and I needed to get out of there. As soon as she closed the door behind her, I tried to get out of bed. I was in some kind of hospital gown with blankets on top of me. I had managed to remove all the tubes I could see and that included some wires that were going to my chest and the nurse had removed the few I had missed, but there was still something attached to me around my groin. I also noticed that my chest felt funny, like had something there that wasn't supposed to be there. I lifted my gown to find I had breasts and that struck me as both right and wrong. I reached between my legs, through some padded panties and found that tube that I was missing and not a lot else, which again confused me. I tried pulling on the tube, but that hurt.
My worry that someone was going to come in soon made me come to the decision to pull the tube out as quick as possible, but before I could the door opened, so I quickly tried to pretend that I wasn't doing anything. I don't think I fooled anybody as the female doctor came in with the nurse, looking at me intently.
“What are you trying to do?” She asked me.
“Nothing.” I replied. I didn't trust anybody at this stage. My voice sounded strange, like it was my voice, but it also wasn't. Maybe I was in here because I was insane.
Then she started asking me a series of questions. I could answer all the logic based ones like what is two plus two, but I didn't know my name, what year it was, who was the president or who my parents were. Eventually she informed me that my mother had been informed of my awakening and was on her way, when she arrived, any questions would be answered. Then the doctor left, but the nurse didn't. She pulled up a chair and told me bluntly that she was here to make sure I relaxed and stayed still. I asked if she could pull the last tube out and she said she needed the doctors permission. In the meantime, if I felt the need to go to the toilet, I could and it would be caught in a bag under the bed.
I lay back and tried to think on any of the questions, attempting to encourage any memory to come to light. I couldn't even think what my mum and dad looked like.
“Have my mum and dad been visiting me?” I asked the nurse.
“Your mum has been coming everyday. If you had awoken a few hours later she would have been here talking to you. She clearly loves you very much.”
“And my dad?”
She just shook her head, not answering me fully. “Why are you trying to get out of bed?” She asked instead.
“I don't remember anything really, but I have this sense of danger, like something is after me. Being stuck, trapped, held in place is making me feel uncomfortable.”
She looked at me thoughtfully, then got up and pressed a button by my bed. A few seconds later another nurse came in. They both stepped outside my door, but left the door open, so I didn't try anything. After a whispered conversation, my observer came back in again.
“I've asked, that's all I can do. In theory, you shouldn't even have the strength to sit up, let alone get up, so I'm not sure they will allow me to remove the catheter. They won't reattach anything without your mum's permission.”
“Why shouldn't I be strong enough?” I asked her.
She just looked at me with a sad smile shaking her head, not answering. So we stayed in silence for awhile.
Then the door opened suddenly and Laura, mum, rushed in and I knew who it was. I tried to move towards her, forgetting that I was still tethered to the bed. Before I could feel more than a painful tug in my groin, she reached me and wrapped me up in a hug, holding me tightly. She was crying, and I was crying and I was remembering.
When she was able to she started saying. “Don't ever do that to me again.”
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” Was all I could repeat until we had both calmed down. “Umm.. what did I do?”
Then she started laughing. When she had got herself under control, she released me a little so that she could see my face. “What do you remember? I was told you couldn't remember anything.”
“When you came in, it all came back to me. The last thing I remember is going for a singing lesson, trying to run away from these men in suits and being shot in the chest.” I quickly checked my chest for any bullet holes.
“It was a taser sweetie. Unfortunately, it stopped your heart.”
“I didn't think tasers are supposed to do that. I died?” I asked.
“Yes, you died and no, tasers aren't supposed to do that. I didn't know this but if your heart is beating very fast or there is a heart condition, a taser can cause the heart to go into fibrillation. I suspect you were in the midst of a panic attack with your heart going as fast as it could.”
“So I died? I hate to break it to you, but I can't really promise to never do that again.”
She smiled at me again. “Maybe no one else could, but you might be able to. When I say you died, I mean you really died. I don't think they realised that your heart had stopped, when they did, they performed CPR, but didn't succeed. A few minutes after they had given up, your heart started beating again. Because you had been clinically dead they were worried about brain damage, so you have had numerous scans. Initially there was significant brain damage, but slowly, over time it started to regenerate. This caused a sensation, I can tell you. The brain has the ability to adapt, but it is not supposed to be able to regenerate. At the same time your broken ribs and frontal trauma repaired itself in record time.”
“Broken ribs?” I asked confused.
“A consequence of CPR. The ribs repaired quite quickly, but the brain damage took a lot longer. You have been having brain scans every week. We thought it was finished two weeks ago but you haven't woken up until today. As far as we can tell, you haven't had the normal muscle wasting that normally occurs in coma patients either.”
“So I am really not normal, am I? Does this mean the MIB are going to take me away?”
“NO! I announced to the world that you are my daughter. And besides, all the investigation that they had been doing whilst we were unaware also proved that you had previously been Dillan. Your handwriting matched, all your descriptions fit Dillan's life and all your behaviour makes sense when you know the truth. All they needed was one more piece of the puzzle, which was Amy's diary.”
I felt such a sense of relief. “So Eve knows the truth now?”
Mum turned away from me a bit. “I suppose it is better if you know all that happened on that day. Eve's father is a General and works in the intelligence field, that is as much as I know about him. Anyway, he was involved in your investigation. They knew about the bus trip and they knew that you weren't Sophia, what they didn't know was who you were. They presumed that you were an alien. I think they called it a UE for unknown entity. When they realised that I had adopted you and were going to tell the world, they thought they had to take you in for questioning before that happened. They enlisted Eve's help by showing her all the evidence. Rather than telling me, she decided to organise for me, as well as Gem and Lisa to be absent so that you could be captured without resistance.” She looked back to me. “I felt very betrayed at the time. How do you feel?”
I thought about it. “It fits with her personality.” I said finally.
“What?” mum asked me curiously.
“We knew that the only way to convince Eve was to have overwhelming evidence otherwise she would never believe. I love Eve. She is beautiful and strong, will fight for what she believes in and has a huge generous heart, but she is also as stubborn as a mule and needs the equivalent of a meteor strike to change her mind about something. Maybe we should have tried harder to gather the evidence, like they did, but let's be honest, it was all in the past and had no bearing on our future, so why bother. Unless you have twenty twenty hindsight, we would never have seen this coming.”
“So you don't blame her?”
“For being herself? How could I? Hang on a second. Do you blame her?”
Mum sighed. “Sort of. Initially I did. We called off the wedding. I couldn't even think about marrying her while you were in a coma. I asked her to give me time and not to call me until you had recovered. Over time I have come to realise that she isn't totally to blame.” Then mum chuckled. “Her music company phoned me and asked me to not contact her yet. She has produced a whole new album in under two months. Saying sorry, asking forgiveness. I think the whole country would crucify me if I didn't at least try a reconciliation and to be honest, I have really missed her. It was just the thought of you lying in a coma every time I looked at her face that has stopped me.”
“How long have I been here?” I asked curiously.
“A little bit over three months.”
“That probably explains my hair and my boobs.” My chest was a lot larger than I remembered. “I hope that pleases Chelle. How has she been?”
“She made a deal with her mother. She has joined me every Saturday to visit you, but has had to date a man of her mother's choice, one date per week. However, if she hasn't changed her mind by the beginning of the summer holiday, her mum will stop trying to pressure her. Chelle is not happy about it, but it was the best she could do. Gem is now my PA and is usually with me. Today we had separate tasks and now that I know you are alright, I think we should make some phone calls. Now that everything is in the open, you can even speak to Dillan's mum and dad. If you want I'm sure we could arrange for them to adopt you.” Mum's voice caught a little on that suggestion.
“No mum. You are my mum and not getting out of it that easily.”
She laughed a little and wiped her eyes. “But I have only known you for a little while, they have been your parents for eighteen years.”
“True. I don't know if it is because my mind has been repaired or I just never thought about it before, but I have memories that are not so pleasant. I think I have always been a girl, suppressing that part of me because I had to. I remember when I was maybe five and all the boys were saying that hugging your parents goodbye was the sign of a sissy. Real boys or real men don't hug, don't cry or show emotion. Well, I decided that I didn't care what others did, I would do what I felt was right. My mother was embarrassed when I was the only boy hugging his mum goodbye and urged me to stop. I remember sitting next to my dad on the sofa, getting as close to him as possible, almost begging him to put his arm around me and he just....wouldn't. I remember him telling me to toughen up, stop crying, stop behaving like a girl. Maybe my parents would treat me differently now that I was a girl, but, you know what, you have always shown me affection, showed that you cared. I wouldn't give you up for the world. I want to know that they are alright, I want them to know that I am alright, but that is it. You are my mum and I love you.” We had another cuddle fest.
Sometimes you have to lose everything to find out what is precious. I knew what was important and no way was I giving that up without a fight.
The End.
The Epilogue
I couldn't phone Chelle since she was in school, so I sent her a text saying I was back in the land of the living and looking forward to speaking to her. I did manage to speak to Gem. The real question was what to do about Eve and Laura. It was obvious that they both wanted to get together, I just needed to come up with something to get them over their self created barriers.
Chelle phoned me as soon as she had a break and it was wonderful hearing her voice. Of course to me, we had only spoken yesterday, but to her that was over three months ago. She felt the need to apologise about going on these dates. She felt guilty having a good time and seeing someone who was romantically interested in her. She assured me that she was not in the slightest sexually interested in them. She felt so awkward during the process, worried that every time she smiled they would feel that she was leading them on. Most of them had been alright, with a few quite pleasant and some truly shocking bad ones. At least, after the fact, they made good stories.
I texted Jen, not sure about the time difference and not wanting to disturb anyone. She didn't immediately phone me, but we had a chat later. Laura had been keeping them informed, but there was nothing anyone could do but wait for me to wake up. Initially it had been hard and she as well as Katie and Dillans parents wanted to come over and visit me, however, at the same time, access to me was very restricted and until the MIB had come to the conclusion that I was, in fact, Dillan in a different body, no one was allowed to see me. They are still very interested in my healing ability, presuming it is associated with what I had gone through on the bus. While I was unconscious they had done all sorts of tests and if Laura hadn't intervened, I suspect they would still be using me as a lab rat.
When mum announced my adoption to the media and created a media frenzy, the government decided that what little they could gain by further examination was not worth the price. I was still being tested, but now only non invasive and necessary ones. My real challenge, was getting out of hospital. Theoretically, after three months in a coma I should have been weak as anything and need rehabilitation to be able to get about. Since that thankfully wasn't the case, I just needed to convince the doctors. They already knew that I was an anomaly in regards to my healing, still they wanted me to stay over night to make sure of my recovery. Mum decided that she was going to stay with me and organised a fold out bed. Gem came in later and we were able to cry and hug together.
I wanted to get Gem alone so that I could set something up for bringing Eve and Laura together, but mum didn't really want me to leave her sight so I didn't have the chance. Instead I decided to communicate with Gem via text. I suggested we went out for a meal the following night, to celebrate my release and recovery. Mum agreed with that and left it in Gem's hands to organise which gave me an opportunity. I asked Gem to set it all up. Book two separate tables, a three seat and two seat and tell Eve to go all out on the romance front.
Glory of glories, they removed the catheter as part of my release agreement with the doctors was that I showed myself to be fully recovered. I did have a nightmare in the night. I think that was part of the reason mum insisted on sleeping in the same room. For the first time I remembered a bit of it. Large men with shadows for faces chasing me. I was running but couldn't get away and when they caught me, I woke up screaming. Laura was there stroking me, soothing me. Then she climbed into bed and spooned me. The door to our hospital room did open and a nurse checked on us, then left us to it.
After a thorough exam the next day I was cleared to go. We didn't go back to the house though. Mum had moved out and was living in a hotel near the hospital. Gem had gathered my clothes so I could leave the hospital with some dignity. Mum arranged to have someone come in and style my much longer hair. The pink colour had gone. I didn't notice at the time but it was semi permanent and after three months was non existent. Besides a slight trim and style, mum also carefully applied some makeup. It wasn't until when I left and we had to go through all the camera flashes that I realised why we had bothered. I was officially a celebrity now and would have to be on my best behaviour on an almost permanent basis.
My hair wasn't the only thing that had changed during my three month sleep. My breasts had grown from an A cup to somewhere between a C and a D cup. This meant my clothes didn't fit right. The answer, of course, was more shopping. First for a bra fitting and then everything else. Although I didn't have the muscle wasting that was expected, I still didn't have any stamina. Mum was really good with me, so we stopped whenever I felt tired. During the spa treatments afterwards, I slept through a good part of my massage. That did give me a second wind so I was ready for our restaurant adventure.
We had sat down and ordered our drinks when I received a text that Eve had arrived. I stood up and asked mum to come with me. With a confused look she acquiesced, so I led her to the reserved two seater table next to ours and asked her to sit. As she sat down, Eve appeared with flowers in her hand and her guitar on a strap over her shoulder. I kissed mum on the cheek, then gave Eve a hug and a kiss, before moving back to my table with Gem. Then I watched with a smile on my face as Eve went down on one knee and presented the flowers and followed it with a song, saying how much she loved her. I had tears in my eyes as they hugged and kissed. Gem had managed a surprise for me, since Chelle sneaked up to hug and kiss me.
Eve managed to convince mum to move back in. I managed to have a good chat with Eve later. She was very grateful for my assistance and felt the need to apologise for her actions. I forgave her and all was right with the world. Chelle couldn't stay the night as she still had this deal with her mother. At least I had missed three months of that and there was only another month to go before that was over. Until then she was allowed to see me and have dates with me, but only as often as she had dates with her mother's choices and no sleeping over. After June all bets were off.
Once life had returned back to normal Eve invited Chelle and I to accompany her on her summer tour. She suggested since we all had fun working on a song together that we do it again. She had shown our song to her record company and they were interested but wanted enough songs to make up an album before releasing any singles. Eve had already recorded a new album of her own, and I was included as the inspiration on four of the songs. Laura had chosen her next movie role, bearing in mind that she was going to be on tour with Eve first. Neither Laura or Eve needed to make an album with us, but both had enjoyed the process and sometimes you do something for fun, not just to further your career.
The tour included London, so I could meet my previous family then. Eve had already put aside the tickets and sent them an invitation to the show. Life was looking good. The marriage was back on but a new date would need to be worked out and I was going to be a bridesmaid. They were thinking of a smaller affair on a sunny beach in the Bahamas.
Artwork by Mantori
Julia enacts revenge on her innocent ex-husband by giving him a high tech Alien pill.
The Legal Stuff: Playing with Alien Toys ©2020 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
Prologue
The Swarhuli swam gently through its home waters mourning the loss of another intelligent race to the uncaring predator races of the universe. Determination crystallized in his heart, to do something about it. The universe needed a protector race with the technology to back its desires and the compassion to prevent species genocide. He knew that although the Swarhuli had the technology they were by nature isolationists and he was in a minority in advocating action. He feared that if they were not proactive some race or other would find a way around their formidable defences and destroy them out of fear. No one could compete with their subspace technology, but they only used it to defend themselves. It was clear that they would have been annihilated if anyone had the power to do so. Finding a protector race wasn't just for other alien species, but also to protect themselves.
Handing their technology over to someone else was a scary thought, so choosing the right species would require careful testing and safeguards. He would also have to come up with a method by which every intelligent race could be tested. Since the Swarhuli never left their home waters it would need to be done through traders, without their knowledge. It was a big project, massive, a life's work potentially and would need to be done against the current political climate. Nonetheless, he believed his species as well as countless others, would be destroyed if he didn't succeed, so he would not let anything stop him.
Chapter 1 Hannah's POV
I gritted my teeth and made the call to my mother. I hadn't spoken to her since the divorce five years ago when I was eleven. I had sworn to never speak to her again, but now I felt I had no choice. I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself as the phone was ringing. I was angry at myself for breaking my promise to myself and furious at my mother for what she had done. Shouting over the phone was not going to get anywhere and the topic was too serious to fuck up.
The phone went to message. As calmly as I could I asked Julia to call me back and gave her my phone number, wondering, even as I was speaking, if I was going to have to change my phone again so my mother couldn't constantly bug me.
I went back into the hospital room to look at my dad. He said he felt fine, but he looked terrible. He had lost a load of weight, his hair and teeth had fallen out and he had this frighteningly gaunt look. A day after he met Julia at a coffee shop, nothing he could eat would stay down and only water was going in. That was only a week ago and he was now only a shadow of the man he had been. It was the first time they had met in years. Julia worked for the government as an analyst and there were hints that Julia was really a government spy of some kind and I knew, just knew, she was responsible for his condition.
If it was poison, which was what I thought most likely, it was not anything that could be detected by the hospital so Chris' only chance at survival lay with me convincing Julia to tell all. Julia blamed Chris for pretty much everything, as far as I could tell, so she had plenty of motive. Initially, I had told Julia that not wanting anything to do with her had nothing to do with dad, but Julia didn't listen, so in the end, I had made my promise to never talk to Julia again and cut her out of my life.
I looked at my phone again. I wanted to try again and, at the same time, didn't want to look desperate. Julia would never say anything over the phone anyway. I decided on a text requesting a visit to Julia's home.
Dad was asleep again. He said he felt fine and was in no pain, but he did sleep a lot more now.
Finally, a text came through inviting me to visit that night. I spoke to Alice, my step-mom. Alice didn't want to leave Chris' side, so she phoned Susan, who agreed to drop her off and then wait until she needed a pick-up. Susan was Chris' best friend and boss. When mum and dad separated, Susan invited Chris and me to stay at her house with her life partner Karen. Alice was a friend of Karen's and when dad's relationship with Alice became serious, rather than moving out, we all moved to a bigger house and stayed together.
Mum's accusations of dad's infidelity with Susan was one of the funniest and most ridiculous aspects of the messy divorce. It did mean that Susan was going to drop me off a few doors down so Julia wouldn't have something else to set her off.
I had a bit of a cry in the car, the worry getting to me and it didn't help that Susan started crying as soon as I did. I managed to get myself together and re-did my makeup in the passenger mirror. I couldn't hide the fact that I had been crying, but I could make it look less dramatic.
I stepped out of the car, put my handbag over my shoulder and walked briskly the short distance to the house. It wasn't the house where I had grown up, that had been sold and I had never visited my mother since. The court had tried to force visitation rights but I had fought strongly enough that mum had given up and turned all her anger on dad, blaming him for my refusal. I knocked firmly using this antique brass door knocker and stood back.
Julia opened the door with a big smile and held her arms open, expecting or hoping that I would rush into them. I just looked at her coldly, trying to hold back my anger. Part of me just wanted to start shouting, but the stronger part held myself still, aware that my actions needed to be strategically correct for me to have any chance to save my father.
Julia's smile dipped a little, she moved back and to the side, opening the door wide and gesturing me in. “Come in, Han. I've missed you so much.”
I didn't say anything and let her lead me to the lounge.
“Do you want me to show you around the house? Do you want a glass of water?” she asked.
“Here is my phone,” I told her, handing across my phone. “You can check me for listening devices, I don't have any, but you can check.”
She gave me a puzzled look. “I believe you,” she said slowly as if she was talking to an idiot.
“Good. What have you done to my father?” I said, managing to keep the anger out of my voice.
“I haven't done anything,” she said quickly.
“The problem is, I don't believe you. My father was completely healthy, you invite him for a coffee and the next day he is overcome with an untraceable, unknown illness. Let me put it this way. Before this occurred I had a very low opinion of you and right now it can't get any lower. Whatever you tell me, no matter how bad, my opinion of you cannot get worse.”
“I don't know what you are talking about,” she responded.
“I know you don't want to tell me. I would like to make a deal. You tell me exactly what you have done to dad and I will tell you why I never wanted to see you again. Why I left with dad, why I refused to see you, everything he said about you.” Not that he had said anything bad, but I knew that was what Julia believed. “This is your only chance to know all the grubby details. I will tell you the truth, hold nothing back, you can question me, I will tell all. All you have to tell me is what you have done.”
Over the years, she had managed to get my phone number several times, I don't know how, since no one admitted to giving it up. I have learnt to never answer my phone with an unknown number. When she couldn't communicate with me that way, she would send text messages, asking me why, so I knew she really wanted to know. It was my Ace card, unfortunately, it was my only card.
There was a brief pause, that only reinforced my belief that she knew what was going on, before she repeated, “I haven't done anything.”
I sighed. It wasn't going to work. I picked up my phone from the coffee table and started heading towards the front door.
“Wait!”
I stopped but didn't turn around.
“Deal,” she said with an angry voice, the pretend loving mother voice gone like it never existed. I did believe she loved me, I just couldn't forgive her for what she had done.
Chapter 2 Julia's POV
In a way, I wanted to tell Hannah. Whatever that bastard had told her to turn her against me, I had some awesome revenge heading his way and part of me wanted to gloat. I never claimed to be the nicest person and I was enjoying my thoughts about what was both happening and going to happen to my ex, I just didn't want to worsen my relationship with my daughter. Still, there was a possibility that I could turn her around when she told me how he had turned her against me and then she would see that my revenge was justified.
“I'm not supposed to tell you,” I started and then held my hand out in a stop gesture when Hannah made the first movements to get up. “I'm not supposed to tell you, so I will give you a hypothetical situation and you can work it out from there. Also, you have to swear to me that you won't tell anyone else.”
Hannah shook her head. “That won't work. Alice, Susan, and Karen will need to know. And don't forget dad. I've got to tell him.”
“Seriously, I will be breaking some rules by saying anything,” I said.
“I can make them swear not to tell anyone before I tell them,” Hannah said seriously.
I was going to have to admit what I had done to my superiors. They would probably remove Chris from the hospital anyway and hush everyone up. I would definitely get a slap on the wrist, but they will love having a guinea pig to play with, so I should be alright.
“Do you believe in Aliens?” I asked Hannah.
“Err...yes?”
“Let's say, hypothetically speaking that Aliens exist and that they have contacted various governments for trade purposes. And let's imagine that they have a pill that was developed by another alien species that can cure any illness and correct any genetic defects. They need a large sample of normal DNA which is then used to replace any subpar elements of your DNA and after correcting your DNA, check that it has been expressed properly. Then imagine a government worker, who is in the know, so to speak, who finds herself with late-stage ovarian cancer. She receives her pill from the Alien who then asks if she has any children. She admits to having a daughter, so she is given a female child pill, which was completely unexpected.”
I got up and poured myself a glass of wine and sat myself down again. Hannah was looking a bit shell shocked. Understandable really. The idea that Aliens existed and were interacting with us blew my mind as well.
“The child pill, unlike the adult pill, was programmable. This government worker could choose hair colour, eye colour, height, all sorts of different superficial elements, but, since this government worker was highly suspicious she investigated why she hadn't heard about this child pill and found out it had an unpleasant side effect. Apparently, the species that created these pills were very long-lived which meant they reached adulthood when they were over a hundred and were essentially babies until their fifties. As babies, their children had nothing but breast milk. The grapevine suggested this child pill had been given to children who were now in their thirties and forties and still only able to have breast milk. Anything else will cause vomiting or diarrhoea.”
Hannah gasped. “Could I have my phone?” she asked me.
“What for?” I asked raising an eyebrow.
“I just want to text Alice suggesting they try feeding dad breast milk.”
I smirked and picked up her phone. I sent the message myself using Hannah's phone and showed it to Hannah.
“This hypothetical government worker didn't want to give the child pill to her daughter under those conditions and decided to get a little revenge on someone who had wronged her instead. She programmed in all sorts of changes and the rest I think we will leave to your imagination.”
“So he is not going to die?” Hannah said with relief.
“No, I don't think so. He will just have to get used to drinking breast milk. Cow formula doesn't seem to work, but soy or goats milk versions are tolerated, I believe. I'm not really sure if the DNA changes will work or not, so he might end up as a bit of a guinea pig for the government for a while. I could hypothetically say I am sorry, but, personally, I feel he deserves worse and I am not very forgiving.” I put the wine down, looking at Hannah firmly. “Your turn.”
Hannah looked at me carefully for a while. “Alright, a deal is a deal. Do you remember about six weeks before dad asked for a divorce? I suspect he and I were pretty cold towards you over that time.”
“I remember him being cold to me some weeks before he asked. I presumed that was when he was having an affair,” I replied.
“It was the school holidays. Dad was at work with Susan and I had a sleepover with Lisa. Lisa only lived a short distance away, so when I realised that I had left Fu-fu at the house, I decided I would just nip in and get him.”
“Fu-fu?”
“Fu-fu was my polar bear cuddly toy, surely you remember him. I always slept with him at night. When I arrived home there was a strange car in the drive, which I thought was a bit weird. When I opened the front door I could hear some strange noises coming from your bedroom.”
My heart was sinking as I was beginning to guess what happened next.
Hannah snorted. “Can you believe I was actually worried about you? I thought you were being attacked. I took a knife from the kitchen and crept into your room and you can imagine what I saw. I realised what was happening and crept back downstairs and left the house, forgetting all about Fu-fu.”
I tried to think of any lies that could be believable, but nothing came to mind, so I sighed. “What can I say? A woman has needs and Chris wasn't satisfying me.”
“Yeah, that's right. It was dad's fault, but wait, I haven't finished yet. That night, thinking back on it, unable to sleep, I realised that my hair colour was very similar to that man. That scared me, let me tell you. The idea that my father was not my father. The man I loved most in the world. Dad pretty quickly realised there was something wrong and convinced me to tell him everything, including my suspicions. He told me that I was his daughter regardless of anything, but we did a paternity test anyway. I needed to know.”
Hannah stood up, facing me, leaning forwards in obvious anger and disgust. “How could you? And you had the gall to suggest dad was sleeping with a confirmed lesbian.”
“Why didn't ...” I started to ask in a shocked whisper.
“Why didn't dad say anything in the divorce? He was worried that he would lose any rights to me. That my biological father would try and exert his rights. He accepted anything you wanted as long as he had custody. And if you use any of this to tear me away from my real family, I swear I will kill you.”
All I could do was watch in stunned horror as Hannah took her phone and stormed out of the house.
Playing with Alien Toys is now available on Amazon.
Please find below the link for the Amazon page.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B086QRZ43H
The fabulous artwork for the cover was done by Mantori.
Hugs
Savannah
The Legal Stuff: Reason for living ©2019 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
Chapter 1 — The Escape
I was as nervous as hell. My uncle sat behind his big desk in his home office, which was really his man cave, looking at me with a frown. The thing was, no matter how nervous I was, I was also determined.
I didn't consider my uncle as evil, just greedy and inconsiderate. My deal appealed to his greed as the carrot with the threat of court action as the stick.
“I don't know where you get this foolish notion that I am wasting your inheritance and you shouldn't threaten me.”
“I'm not threatening anything, I am merely explaining what I am going to do. My parent's inheritance has gone from over half a million to under ninety thousand in two years, but that is not the issue. As I have told you numerous times, Lilly is constantly being bullied and harassed. She needs someone who is willing to put her first.” I nearly said what I meant, which was someone who cares about her, but I had learnt diplomacy with my loss of strength. “You have a wife and children, now that I am eighteen, there is no need for you to put up with us any longer.” Again what I meant was treat us like your servants and try to get us to thank you for it.
“What about Lilly's half of the inheritance?” he asked with a glint in his eye.
He never did any of the housework or cooking, even before we had arrived on the scene, so losing our labour meant very little to him. Losing our money, on the other hand, mattered very much, even with me offering him most of my half immediately.
“You will still have control of that until she is eighteen. How you justify spending it when she is no longer living with you, I will leave to your discretion,” I answered, seeing no point in pretending like he was.
My deal was simple, I would give him all of my inheritance less ten thousand if he signed over custody of my sister to me or I would spend all of my inheritance attempting the same thing through the courts. If I did that, even if I didn't win, I would air all the dirty laundry and I didn't think he would risk it. Of course, it wasn't quite that simple. I couldn't take Lilly without being able to care for her. I had to ensure I had a place to stay in a different school zone and a steady income. In fact, I intended to move back to California where I had arranged both of those things.
“I will need to speak to my lawyer. I think I will require an NDA,” he replied thoughtfully.
There was no way that he was going to allow me to tarnish his name with the truth, but I knew that already. I passed him all the documents that my lawyer had already prepared which included that I would not reveal this deal.
“You should find this sufficient,” I said. “By all means contact your lawyer. Of course, he would then know your character, so maybe you'll just read these yourself and sign them. Up to you. Tomorrow I would like to either phone my lawyer to start proceedings or tell him his services are no longer required.”
“Where are you sleeping tonight?” he asked, adding an extra twist.
“My intention was to pack up my stuff tonight and leave tomorrow with Lilly and those signed papers. Are you kicking me out tonight?” I asked him. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was.
“I don't see how you can stay here with how you feel,” he answered with an evil grin.
“Then I can't give you until tomorrow. I will give you an hour to sign the papers while Lilly and I pack our bags. I can't give you any longer than that and still be able to contact my lawyer,” I told him, standing up as a way of telling him the conversation is over. He didn't try to stop me or say anything to make me think there was any purpose in staying.
I moved to the bedroom I shared with Lilly, finding Lilly packing her stuff into the luggage I had bought.
“How did it go?”
I sighed. “He's reading through the papers now. I think he will go for it as it gives him immediate easy money. As an added bonus, I can't stay here tonight. Because of that and that I don't want to leave you here without me, I've given him an hour to decide before I call Stephen.” Stephen was the lawyer that Mike had helped me find. Mike was my saviour with his wife Mary. Family friends that knew the true meaning of friend. My whole plan hinged on their help.
“Does that mean we could be out of this hellhole tonight?”
“Careful,” I reminded Lilly, looking at the smoke alarm that had been fitted, which I was sure was also a listening device. Too many times the 'private' things we had said had come back to haunt us.
She shrugged unrepentantly. “You've revealed your hand, I don't think it matters what we say anymore.”
“We'll see within the hour,” I said as I started packing my case. Most of my clothes were going to be useless to me, so I binned them and concentrated on everything that I couldn't replace. I hadn't expected to need to leave tonight, but I was expecting to leave so everything was ready, and I was finished in half an hour. I spent the next half an hour organizing an uber and the cheapest, closest motel I could find.
I was grateful for my laptop even as its very presence irritated me. When I had told my Uncle Jim that I needed a new laptop, we went to the apple store and chose the most expensive model, and we bought two of them. I thought, one for me and one for Lilly. I knew he was going to use the money from our trust, but at least I would benefit from it this time. But I was being naïve, when we returned to his home, I refused to consider it mine, he gave the purchases to his sons, Tom and Andrew, and we received their old laptops.
At the end of the hour, I brought our suitcases down the stairs to the front door and knocked on my uncle's door.
“Come in.”
I entered with a shuttered expression on my face.
He looked me over. “I don't think you will go through with it,” he said eventually. “You're a weak eunuch, with no skills and literally no balls. You can't look after yourself, let alone someone else.”
I pulled out my phone with a sigh. Hard way it was then. I started dialling Stephen.
“Wait,” uncle Jim interrupted me.
I cancelled the call and looked at my uncle with raised eyebrows. I think I was presenting a strong front, but inside I was trembling.
“If I sign this, you can't come crawling back here. Lilly will be your responsibility and considering how ungrateful you both have been she will not be welcome to return.”
I just nodded, pretending to be bored.
He signed the papers, I then signed and took my copy. I thought about saying something, but in the end, it just wasn't worth it.
“Lilly. Shake the dust off your shoes, we're leaving.”
Lilly literally stamped her feet on the doormat, and we both walked out, heads held high, to wait by the curb for the uber to arrive. I phoned Stephen to tell him that Jim had signed. Stephen was actually a pretty clever lawyer. He had worded it deliberately so that we could still take action against my uncle at some time in the future. I had documented every injustice in my journal and nothing that I had signed said that someone else couldn't read it. I had written it as a google document, saved to my google drive. I knew that my laptop was periodically searched and I certainly didn't trust anything I left in my room. I had signed to say that I would never mention the bribe that I had offered my uncle, but even without mentioning it, his actions looked very suspicious.
I knew uncle Jim's lawyer was a friend of his, so I doubted that he would be willing to have the papers checked over and my gamble had paid off. Not that I could foresee an opportunity to challenge my uncle, but I wanted the option, just in case.
Chapter 2 — The Plan
Once we had settled into the motel, I used the laptop and the free Wi-Fi to book flights to LA for tomorrow, then an uber to pick us up and take us to the airport with plenty of time to spare. Then I phoned Mike with the good news. He agreed to meet us at the airport.
Now I had to explain everything to Lilly. Because we couldn't talk in our room, school was essentially a battleground for both of us and our cousins were very nosey, I had not had the privacy to explain what I had been planning.
She knew the basics that I had been planning for years. I was a Reiki practitioner and Mike was hiring me to work in his multi-disciplinary clinic for three days a week and I would work the other days freelance with a portable table. Mike was lending me his old car so that I could treat people in their homes, as needed. We would be staying in the above garage den that they had originally built for their son before he got married and moved out.
However, Lilly had dropped a bombshell on me when she admitted three weeks ago that at the tender age of fifteen, she was pregnant. My uncle and aunt didn't know, and we didn't want them to find out. I had always intended to leave at eighteen if I wasn't kicked out, and take Lilly with me. Originally, I was just going to threaten court action or even go through with it, if necessary. With this new situation, I decided to put the bribe up to make it more likely that uncle Jim would give in without a fight. It had worked but left us with less seed money.
What happened was understandable, and I was kicking myself for not being more perceptive.
Lilly had arrived here months before I did because my recovery from the accident took significantly longer. All was going relatively well and Lilly was quite popular. Partially from being the new girl and partially because she developed early and was naturally pretty without being stuck up in any way. Then I arrived and for a reason that I can only put down to spite, my cousins outed the damage that I had suffered through. My bullying started from that point and I tried to get Lilly to distance herself from me, but she refused.
She argued that if she was my reason for living then she would be my most loyal supporter ever; she would never betray me, even when I asked her too. When I woke up after the accident and felt that my life was over, it was only her presence that kept me going. It devastated me to see her become ostracized just because she insisted on defending me. At the same time, it made me proud of her character.
Lilly wasn't physically bullied like me, but sometimes words hurt more than bruises and after two years of that, she was very susceptible to seduction from an experienced sixteen-year-old boy. He put a lot of pressure on her, and she was disappointed in herself that she caved. She thought he loved her, but when she wanted to slow things down, he broke it off and trash talked her.
I knew about the relationship and comforted her as much as possible, I just didn't know that he took her virginity and did so unprotected. We are very close, and I was upset that she hadn't confided in me until she found out that she was pregnant, but she was too ashamed.
Now she was three months pregnant, having made the decision to keep the baby. She had come to the conclusion that she couldn't bring herself to have an abortion although she didn't feel she was old enough to be a responsible mother, so wanted to give the baby up for adoption after birth. That decision was also breaking her heart.
I didn't want Lilly to become known as a teenage mother in our new location or I feared she would be targeted again, so I had modified my plans.
“You know I would do anything for you, right?” I asked her.
We were now in a double bed together, lying on our sides, facing each other. About a year ago I had started wearing a T-shirt as well as my boxers to bed. Tonight might be the last time I do that. Lilly was in a long sleep T-shirt with flowers on it.
“You don't have to you know. I know you love me, but you don't have to make any sacrifices for me. This was entirely my fault.”
“Parents make sacrifices for their children all the time,” I commented.
“You are not my parent.”
I pointed vaguely to the small table that I had put the important documents on. “I have a piece of paper that begs to differ.” I shook my hands to quiet the next objection. “This is not about sacrifice. I have decided on a new plan, but I believe that it will make both of us happier in the end. Not a sacrifice, just a different direction.”
She looked at me unconvinced.
“Honestly, if I could take away any of your pain and all it would take was a sacrifice on my part. Yes, I would do it, but what is ahead of you is not something I can change. I hope my plan will make life a little easier for you, but at the same time it is not costing me anything, just choosing my direction for me.”
“You've mentioned direction twice now,” she said, frowning.
“That is at the heart of it. Alright,” I said, moving off the bed and standing up. “Look at me. Do I look more male or female?”
During the accident where we lost our parents, I suffered from a crushed pelvis, had lost my testicles and all I had left of my penis was a small nubbin that was mainly scar tissue, and they had rerouted my urethra to just below it. I had also lost part of my intestines which meant I lost significant weight and struggled to put any on. Most of my muscle disappeared and I became very skinny with a widened pelvis. Thin arms, thin legs, even a narrow graceful neck.
Once my weight had settled down I should have been put on testosterone, but since I was still healthy, my uncle would not approve any further medical expense. I think he was upset with the amount that had already been spent to get me upright and moving. The insurance case against the driver of the truck was settled out of court by my uncle for an undisclosed sum.
My body had reacted to over two years without testosterone. I lifted off my T-shirt to show my breasts that were now approaching B cup proportions. For some reason, I guess my body naturally produced relatively high levels of female hormones, or at least high for a male, low to normal for a female. Not that Lilly was completely unaware since the school bullying and name-calling activities showcased my more feminine looks. I think my bottom was bigger as well, but I was frightened to mention that since it was such a female thing to say. I had some facial hair but it was sparse. My nose had never been that big and now with my face softening, I looked more female than male. I hadn't cut my hair, mainly because I didn't care how I looked. Now that may turn out for the best.
“It doesn't matter what you look like, it is what you feel inside,” Lilly responded. “I thought you were going to see a doctor that Mike had lined up and start taking testosterone.”
“That was one direction I could take. Instead, I am going to take another, perhaps more suitable. For myself, I am not sure I would have had the courage, but for you and our future baby, well, that is different.”
I climbed back into bed. Lilly was shaking her head.
“I don't want you to do this for me.”
“Lilly. I would never have been happy as a man. I was never going to put more muscle on. At most, my voice would have deepened, and I would get more facial hair. I will be blunt. When I woke up and found out our parents had died and that all the bits that signified that I was male had been obliterated, I thought my life was over. My very identity, who I thought I was had been taken from me. I was in a lot of pain physically and emotionally and the only thing that kept me going was you. But I am still broken. My intention to take testosterone was only because I thought it would be easier, not because it was the right choice. Taking female hormones is probably the better choice. I want to be able to breastfeed our baby. Alright, enough preamble. Time for the full plan. Are you ready?”
Lilly nodded her head.
“John Abraham Bonde dies tomorrow.” Seeing her eyes widening I realized I had to continue quickly. “No, not literally. I am not going to kill myself. My identity as John dies tomorrow after we have arrived in LA. I am going to change my name to Lilliana Marie Bonde, known as Ana.”
“But that is my name.”
“Exactly. You are going to home study until the baby is born and then you are going to change your name to Lilly whatever you like Bonde or maybe Lilly will be your middle name, you decide. I will formally adopt the baby and the birth certificate will suggest that I am the mother.”
“Oh,” Lilly responded surprised.
“There are a few difficulties that we need to overcome. You and Mary are going to need to help me with girl training. You are going to have to be invisible socially for the next six months. Only very close friends are going to know. At this point it is only Mike and Mary. As you get bigger, I am going to add padding so that I match and it looks like I am pregnant.”
“And will that work?”
“We are not trying to deceive the government, just the general population, so we are doing nothing wrong or illegal. It will be up to us to make it work. You are not going to like being housebound. You won't have to hide away until the pregnancy becomes obvious, so it may only be three months, but it will still feel like a long time.”
Lilly reached across and hugged me. “You will make a wonderful woman, you have the loving heart down pat.” Then she hugged me tighter and started crying.
Book 1
The Legal Stuff: Sad Smiles Book 1 ©2019 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
Sad Smiles
Chapter 1 Buffy's POV
This was going to be the best summer ever. Ellie's brother had hit the big time and their band High Notes was going to be the opening act for The Bleeding Heart Boys tour. We were going to follow the tour at least for the US and Canada section. We had passes to all the shows and an allotted parking space in all the locations for our RV. We were on our way travelling from Las Vegas to Phoenix where the first event was to take place.
We had just filled up, grabbed a few snacks and were stretching our legs when I spotted him. There was something about him that drew me in. Maybe it was maternal instincts or something because I felt an urge to go and give him a hug. There was nothing sexual in it as I didn't swing that way and have known that since I was twelve. I was perhaps not the best judge, but I would say he was more pretty than handsome, although his face was covered with the scruff of a very light beard.
He wasn't doing anything to gain attention, sitting at an outside table staring into the distance, elbows on the table and one hand playing with the bristles under his chin. I was the first one out of the shop since I only wanted a coffee, so, on a whim, or giving in to my unexplainable internal pull, I sat opposite him.
“Hi, I'm Buffy,” I said with my normal cheery voice. Buffy wasn't what my parents named me. I am a short curvy blonde-haired, blue-eyed cheerleader who loves martial arts. I was so used to everyone calling me Buffy that I have given up on my real name.
He blinked a few times and turned to me. He looked me in the eyes, which was a nice change. My breasts are a bit overlarge for my frame, so I was used to men staring below my face. He then attempted to smile, but it was the saddest smile I had ever experienced. The smile did reach his eyes but his soft brown eyes seemed to contain a world of hurt.
“Hi, I'm Drew,” he said softly. I almost had to strain to hear him.
By this point, Ellie and Sarah joined me with a slightly puzzled look upon their faces. There was another table unoccupied and Sarah almost disliked all men on sight.
“This is Ellie and Sarah,” I gestured to indicate who I meant as they sat down, “guys, this is Drew.”
Ellie and Sarah both gave an awkward mini-wave. Drew glanced at both of them with his attempted smile in place.
I wasn't the only one to notice his pained expression and Sarah was a lot more aggressive than me, especially with men.
“What's wrong? You look like your dog died,” Sarah asked.
Ellie hit Sarah's shoulder with a slap to indicate that she was not behaving appropriately. Considering how often that happens, Ellie's hand should be sore.
My friend's actions distracted me enough that I missed Drew's initial reaction and when I turned to look at him he was looking into the distance again, blinking, trying unsuccessfully to hold back tears that were tracking down his face.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
“Oh my God, your dog did die, didn't it,” Ellie said, taking the opportunity to smack Sarah on her shoulder again.
Drew attempted to smile again. “No. I don't have a dog.” He took some deep breaths to control himself and then sighed. “Just a very bad day.” His voice was still very soft and quiet with a cute accent.
That urge to hug him was back and strong. I think Ellie was likewise affected, judging by her caring expression, but Sarah was being her usual forceful self.
“What happened?” Sarah asked with a tone that suggested it couldn't be that bad, whatever it was.
Drew looked at Sarah carefully. Eventually, he shrugged his shoulders as if to say why not?
“I was backpacking, hitching a ride to Las Vegas when I received some bad news,” he paused, his face falling even further. “I made the mistake of crying. He kicked me out of his car and drove off with my backpack in his boot.”
“Shit. What is it about men and crying? I think men showing their emotions is a good thing,” Ellie stated. “What about your wallet?”
“In the front pocket of my backpack. My sole possessions are my passport, my phone and my emergency credit card,” Drew said.
“Not too bad then,” Sarah suggested.
“My phone has run out of power, not that it matters, as I have no one to call and the credit card is my father's, which may not work since he is now officially missing presumed dead,” he answered and then dropped his head in his hands.
I went around the back of him to rub his back and glare at Sarah who had seriously put her foot in her mouth. She mouthed 'sorry' to me with a shrug of her shoulders.
“Um, you could borrow my phone if you need to call somebody,” Sarah said with a hint of apology in her voice.
He looked up with obvious tear tracks down his face and glared at Sarah angrily. “Who do you think I should call? My mother, missing presumed dead, maybe my grandparents, oh no that won't work, they are missing presumed dead too. What about my eleven-year-old sister...” The anger disappeared from his voice to be replaced by such anguish that I had to close my eyes in sympathy. Then he dropped his head into his hands again and started sobbing.
He was still sobbing ten minutes later when Sarah gestured us to gather a short distance away.
“What do you want to do? We need to get back on the road, but I don't like leaving the guy like this,” Sarah whispered as we gathered in a huddle.
“I think his whole family must have been on that airplane that is in the news. The one that has disappeared somewhere over the Atlantic,” Ellie informed us.
“That is so messed up and then to get chucked out of the car for crying, losing all his stuff. If his credit card doesn't work he is truly fucked,” I said, deliberately using the swear word which had more impact since I make a point to almost never swear.
“We could take him with us,” Ellie murmured.
“No. No way. We are three lesbians in an RV with one double bed and one single. He would depress all of us and ruin our summer.”
“But..” I started.
“No. He is not our responsibility,” Sarah continued and led us back to the RV. Both Ellie and I turned back frequently, but Sarah tugged us away. We could have resisted her, she wasn't that strong, but if one of us didn't agree it would never work.
For the next half an hour he was all I could think about as Sarah drove us away. I wasn't the only one as Ellie kept on giving me these pained looks. I thought Sarah was immune, but after that half an hour she pulled over.
“Shit!” Sarah said to no one in particular, followed by, “Shitfuck, Shitfuckshit!”
“Alright,” she said finally, “we'll go back and get him, but he better obey my rules.”
When we returned he was still sitting at that table. The sobbing had stopped and he was back to staring into the distance again.
I think he was in shock or something, so it wasn't hard to cajole him into our RV with the promise of recharging his phone on our journey to Phoenix. He curled himself into a fetal position on the double bed and cried himself to sleep. I spooned him, stroking his arm until I heard his breathing change and then slipped out to join the other two.
“He's asleep,” I told them.
“So what's the plan?” Ellie asked Sarah, who tended to be our decision-maker.
“We'll set him up with my laptop whilst we are at the concert. He can search the internet and work out where he can go from here. If he has online banking, he should be able to sort his out his immediate issues. He can stay the night with us, then we can drop him off somewhere tomorrow. If you are right about his family, Ellie, nothing that we or anyone else can do is going to fix him, so don't expect him to leave with smiles and giggles,” Sarah answered.
“It's almost better when he doesn't smile,” I muttered. His smiles really pulled on my heartstrings. He was a stranger. I should have been more worried about him being an axe murderer than whether he needs a hug.
We tried to turn our conversation towards the first concert on the tour and recapture the excitement that we had started the day with. It was a bit forced, but we put some positive music on and danced a bit to shake off the sad mood. Seeing Ellie's brother and his bandmates would be nice. We had watched them and supported them whenever we could. The Bleeding Heart Boys, on the other hand, were majorly famous and the thought of seeing them and practically living next door to them was a big deal to all of us. Most of my friends from school had crushes on one or more of them. I had even pretended to like Damon when I was pretending to be straight. Damon was married now and was bringing his wife and baby daughter on tour with him. Billy and Ethan were in serious relationships, so it was only Aaron, who was still on the prowl.
Sat Nav made finding the place easy and our backstage passes got us through security and into our allotted space. We were hooked up to all the amenities quickly and then came to our first unexpected awkwardness. We wanted to get ready for the night which would involve a certain amount of nakedness and we had a boy sitting on our bed.
Drew handled it really well by moving into the front and asking us to give him a knock when we were finished. He seemed a bit better after a sleep.
Trish, the tour manager, knocked and introduced herself, telling us when and where we needed to be. Other than that we were back on track and enjoying dolling ourselves up. Our wardrobes mainly consisted of dresses with some casual clothes for the days between the shows. Even Sarah, who much preferred skinny jeans, had agreed to dress up for the concerts.
Drew waited for us to leave before he started his internet activity, I think that was so he didn't upset himself in front of us again. We set off, the three amigos, ready for a wonderful night. We enjoyed High Notes with their upbeat pop songs which was a nice counterpoint to the slightly sad ballads that The Bleeding Heart Boys were famous for.
Afterwards, meeting up with all the talent was nerve-racking, but they didn't behave like prima-donnas. There were enough other giggling girls that were begging for their attention that we managed to meet them with some decorum. Aaron flirted very heavily with me and then started following me when I tried to stay away. I tried to politely put him off and that didn't work at all. I could tell that he thought he was God's gift to women. In desperation, I told him that I was seeing someone and when he tried to insinuate that if my fella wasn't here, no one needed to tell him what went on. I told him that Drew was on our RV waiting for me.
He had managed to attack when I was culled from the herd but backed off with that revelation, which allowed me to try and rejoin Ellie and Sarah. I found Sarah and she pointed out Ellie who was in an earnest conversation with Aaron. I was wondering if I was going to have to go rescue her when Aaron backed off from her and she headed to us.
“We are going to have to be careful with that one,” Ellie said when she approached.
“Aaron?” I asked. “I know what you mean.”
“Be careful not to offend him. This tour will cater to the whim of those Bleeding Heart Boys,” Sarah noted.
“I know. He was hard to put off. I thought about telling him that I am a lesbian, but I know his type and he would just see that as a challenge,” I agreed.
“How did you get him to back off, then?” Ellie asked me.
“I told him I was seeing someone and when that didn't slow him down, I told him that Drew was waiting for me back in the RV,” I admitted.
“Seriously? Cause I said the same,” Ellie replied giggling.
“Did you both mention him by name?” Sarah asked us.
“Yeah.”
“Yup.”
“Shit,” Sarah swore.
“Yeah.”
“Yup.”
Then we all looked at each other and laughed.
“What are you going to do if he starts chasing you?” Ellie asked Sarah.
“I don't think I am his type.” Sarah is the most butch of us, even in a dress and dressed to thrill. She has short hair and her expression is always a bit more predatory than mine or Ellie's. “If he does,” Sarah continued with a smile, “I'll tell him I am dating Drew.”
I looked around to see if our laughter was attracting attention and saw Aaron with his arm around a groupie looking at me with a frown.
Sarah also noticed Aaron's look. “I am going to text Drew and give him a heads up, just in case,” Sarah mentioned.
I was glad she was sending the text, I wouldn't know what to say. I don't think Drew knew that we were lesbians either, so we might be exchanging one amorous male for another. Not that I thought that was really going to be a problem. Drew felt like someone I needed to protect, not seek protection from.
Aaron didn't approach me again that evening, but I noticed he was never far away. The groupie disappeared from his arm and I could feel that we were under his focus, so I wasn't surprised that when we decided to retire, he followed us, catching up to us on our way back.
“Hi girls. I hope you don't mind. I felt like I needed to meet this Drew guy. Seeing two girls at the same time in the same RV. Respect,” he said with a disbelieving tone of voice.
“Three,” Sarah added with a smile.
“Three?” he asked.
“Three,” we all said giggling.
When we got to the RV, Aaron gestured us back to prevent us from pulling some kind of trick on him and knocked boldly on the door.
Drew answered, opening the door. “Oh, sorry, I was expecting someone else. Err.. Who are you? I recognise you from somewhere. Are you famous?” Then he looked past Aaron and saw us. His face transformed with a huge smile. “Hi girls.”
“Seriously? You don't know who I am?” Aaron asked as we all waved back at Drew. I don't know about Sarah or Ellie, but my grin was stretched wide.
“Nah, just kidding you. You're Aaron, a singer in that band. Nice to meet you. One second though, mate, I've been missing my girls.” With that, he manoeuvred past Aaron to catch us all up in a group hug. Before turning back around to a stunned Aaron and offering his hand to shake. “Thanks for escorting them back,” he told Aaron as he shook his hand. “Girls, if you feel threatened, just give me a call and I will come out to you.”
“Err..” Aaron stuttered.
“I hope you don't mind. I would like to spend some quality time with my lovelies,” Drew said as he ushered us all in.
We waved goodbye to Aaron and went in. We watched through the window as Aaron walked away shaking his head.
“I could use a drink,” Drew said followed by a small giggle.
Drew giggling shocked me for a second although I wasn't sure why it did seem to suit him whereas a manly chuckle just wouldn't have worked. It broke the tension and we all started laughing. Sarah got out the tequila and shot glasses. We settled around the table.
“So, how was your evening?” Drew asked.
“It was great apart from the man chasing issues. What did Sarah send you?” I asked.
“Aaron the A-hole won't stop. I am now the official pretend boyfriend to y'all. Something like that anyway. Good news on my front. I've cancelled my cards. I can't get any new ones as they have to be sent to my registered address, but I can pay for stuff online. If one of you doesn't mind, I'll put some money into your account and you can give me some cash.”
“So what are your plans? What are you going to do next?” Sarah asked.
The smile dropped from his face. “There is going to be a memorial service at ground zero in New York on the month anniversary. They are pretty sure it was a terrorist attack although three different groups have claimed credit. I want to be there for that, then I guess I will head back to the UK and try and pick up the pieces.” He sighed.
“Between now and then?” I asked.
“I want to keep myself occupied with something, but I can't really travel. I know I am liable to break down and cry at the drop of a hat. I may just fly to New York and stay in a hotel until the memorial.”
I looked to Sarah and then Ellie to see if they were thinking what I was thinking. I'm not that good at reading facial expressions though, so I just tried to send a pleading expression to Sarah, since she was the one who would object if anyone did.
Sarah sighed. “I don't know if this will work out, but..”
I squealed and Ellie smiled while Drew just looked puzzled.
“Look, we are all lesbians, we have no interest in you sexually, at all,” Sarah continued.
“Why didn't you just tell Aaron that?” Drew asked curiously.
“Some men understand that to mean we haven't met the right guy yet and they are that guy. The only thing that puts them off is another guy. Preferably one who has bigger cojones than them. By appearing to date all three of us, that should put you in the right category. I need to tell you something else, but I need more drink for that. Do you play cards?”
“What are you suggesting?” Drew asked.
“Poker, bet in shots to be consumed by the loser of the bet,” Sarah suggested.
Five hands later and I had to bow out. Any more shots and I would be trashed. Ellie lasted one more round and then Sarah said she was ready. I didn't know what she was going to say or what she needed to get drunk to reveal. Then again my brain wasn't functioning at its best at that point in time.
Sarah paused dramatically. “I was raped.”
“No,” Drew said with real sadness and that boy had a real gift for showing sadness.
I gasped in shock. I knew that she had been raped, but I never in a million years would have believed that she would tell a boy her deepest secret. I looked at Ellie with my eyes still opened in surprise to see her with a similar expression.
Drew got up shakily and made his way around to Sarah and clumsily hugged her. “That is so so wrong. What happened?”
I winced when he hugged her. A boy hugging Sarah when she hadn't asked for it was in for a world of hurt. He was obviously a sweet boy with the right intentions but as a man hugging a confessed rapee, he was clearly not thinking.
Sarah turned into the hug, hugged him back and started sobbing.
Once I had picked my jaw up off my chest, I tried and Ellie tried to get in on the hug. With the confined space it was difficult, but we made sure that she knew we were there.
“Sorry, sorry,” Sarah kept muttering.
Drew just kept rubbing her back, telling her that she was surrounded by love. His words were sincere too. I felt goosebumps when he said it. He meant it. He had only known us a few hours and yet he was connected to us all. I had the same connection although I didn't understand it.
Sarah managed to gather herself together and after patting Drew's hand in thanks, asked him to return to his seat. “I don't want to talk about it. I needed to tell you though so you would understand what I meant. I think we all want you to stay with us on our trip. We are following the tour which will lead us to New York in about a month. It should be a win-win. We keep you distracted and heading in the right direction, you keep Aaron off our backs.”
“But...” Drew added expectantly.
“Since my …. event. I struggle to even be civil to men. The closer they are to me the more fear and anger seems to go through me. The thought of being in a confined space with a man nearby would normally be impossible. That hug you gave me was the first time a man has touched me without me reacting negatively and that includes my father. For some reason, you don't trip my issues...yet. I am waiting for it to happen and when it does...”
“I will leave without complaint. More than that, if there is anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable, just let me know. Even if it something silly like wear a balaclava, if it helps, I'll do it,” Drew said, looking earnestly into her eyes.
“Are you gay?” Ellie asked.
“No,” Drew gave another of his sad smiles. Truthfully none of us would have asked the question if we hadn't drunk a little too much. “Although I have been called that enough times usually with names much less pleasant. I am perhaps not the manliest of men. I don't seem to like or enjoy the same things they do. I've accepted who I am and refuse to live my life to stereotypes that I don't seem to conform to. If you are going to ask me personal questions do you mind if I ask you one?”
We all just shrugged. It depended on the question.
He obviously took that as permission granted. “If you are all lesbians travelling together, are you in a relationship with each other?”
“Not exactly, more friends with benefits,” I answered.
“He deserves more than that,” Ellie decided. “We are good enough friends to be together but we don't quite fit with what we like, physically. I like to watch and be watched.” Ellie then blushed furiously.
“Sarah and I are too dominant to be more than occasional lovers,” I admitted.
“Do you understand about dominance and submission?” Sarah asked him.
“I think so,” he replied.
“Are you submissive?” I asked.
“I don't think so. It's like the whole concept doesn't quite fit me. I don't like pain. It is a complete turn off and I have no desire to order anyone around,” he responded.
“And if I was to order you to do something?” I questioned.
“I think it would depend on what it was and your reasons for it. Take the balaclava comment I made earlier. Even if it caused me discomfort, if it made Sarah feel better, I wouldn't mind wearing it. If, on the other hand, she wanted me to wear it to make me look silly and humiliate me then I wouldn't wear it. Likewise, if you asked me to do something sexually because it would give you pleasure, there is a good chance I would be happy to comply.”
I was quite impressed with his reply, especially considering how much alcohol he had consumed, but I guess we wouldn't be having this conversation if we hadn't done the tequila shots.
“What if I tied you up and forced you to have multiple orgasms?” Sarah quizzed with a dreamy lusty smile.
“First of all, I would be impressed since it is pretty tough for a guy to have multiple orgasms. Generally, if my having pleasure clearly pleased my partner I would be fine with it, but I would need to know that they were enjoying themselves or I think I would lose my lust.”
Ellie sighed, clearly picturing the scene Sarah described. “I wish you were a girl,” she said.
That was when it hit me almost like one of those cartoon light bulbs blinking on. Drew was female, his body didn't matter. That wasn't who he was. He was a she. And that changed everything.
Going to sleep that night was a disaster. We let Sarah decide as she was the most uncomfortable with a male presence. I wanted to tell her of my epiphany, without Drew overhearing, which is really tricky in the RV. I thought it might put her mind to rest, at least a little bit, but I never got the chance. Sarah decided on the old, keep your friends close and your enemies closer, so Ellie was in her usual single bed on her own, Drew was on the outside of the double bed facing away, Sarah was spooning him and I was behind her.
Ellie had a good night's sleep, but she was the only one. I could feel Sarah staying tense for ages and I was woken later by the sounds of Drew crying. We all tried to stick it out. That meant to me, we all desperately wanted this to work. In the morning, when we sat around the table having a toast breakfast Drew brought up the elephant in the room. We were all looking tired and depressed.
“Thank you all. When I felt all alone in the world and needed a friend, you all appeared, like some kind of miracle. I love the idea of staying with you, but I think we are going to have to accept that it just isn't going to work. If you don't mind me borrowing the laptop, Sarah, I will book a flight to New York and a hotel.”
“NO!” I said loudly, bringing shocked faces from them all. “We are not giving up that easily. Drew has said he is very accommodating, so we just have to work out how to fix this.”
“I'm not sure this can be fixed,” Drew said quietly. “I'm still grieving and I can't promise that I won't wake up crying.”
“I don't think any of us mind that. Being there for you when you need me, makes me feel good. I would hate the idea of you going through that alone,” Sarah admitted. “The only time I fell asleep was after I had comforted you from your distress.”
Drew reached across and stroked Sarah's hand. “Thank you. You did make me feel better. Even if you can accept that, I can't magically change into a girl at night and I know Sarah was not able to relax knowing I was in the same bed.”
“You don't need magic, just good props,” I said, thinking aloud. “The question is just how accommodating are you willing to be.” I turned to Drew to look seriously in his eyes, “let's imagine I could do magic, would you be willing to be changed into a girl, every evening for the next three or so weeks?”
“No one else would know, just you three?” Drew clarified. I nodded. He paused to think about it with due consideration, knowing that there was a serious element to this. “I don't think I would mind.”
I turned to Sarah. “And if Drew was to become a woman every evening, do you think you would have any issues?” I asked her.
She snorted. “Of course not.”
“Right. I need to take Drew shopping.” I smiled at Drew which for some reason seemed to unnerve him a bit. Oh Well.
I did some internet searches first. I was not a local to the area and I had never needed to buy the items I was looking for before. I found that most of the stuff I was looking for tended to be ordered online and required certain measurements. I found one that was based in Phoenix, so I gave them a ring and we were in business. I didn't really want Sarah involved until later so I dropped her and Ellie off at a mall where we would join them later. Drew did need to buy some more clothes anyway.
Once they were gone, I explained to Drew what my intentions were. Having worked in theatre I was well aware of the different ways to change the body to create almost magical appearances. In this case, nothing too fantastical was required. His body needed to both look and feel like a natural woman, but only to casual inspection. I didn't need to teach him to walk like a woman, how to wear heels, sit properly, put on makeup or any of the hundreds of things that women do differently than men.
First, he was going for a full-body wax, then he was going to be fitted for silicone breasts and a silicone vagina. It would need to be glued on, but, and I checked, you could use temporary glue or longer-lasting glue. With the temporary glue, it could be easily removed the next morning and reapplied each evening. We would buy a few nighties and spray him with some perfume and I reassured him Sarah would sleep fine. What I didn't tell him was that part of the reason that I thought Sarah would be fine was because I was going to tell her that I thought he really was a girl. Emotionally female, female brain, in fact, female in every way except his physical body. The intriguing thought was how he could be unaware of this fact.
I didn't doubt my conclusions. I had been playing a little game, like deliberately wearing a top that didn't quite match my skirt and asked his opinion. He immediately suggested changing my outfit since it wasn't quite right. With my internet searching, I found a heap of questions that tended to differentiate between men and women. I threw a few of those questions to Drew and he always picked the female answers. That evening I intended to pretend I was doing a questionnaire from Cosmopolitan and get everyone's answers. I had a feeling Drew would be more female than Sarah.
That, in combination with a transformed Drew, would be more than enough for Sarah to calm her fears. The only question was whether Drew would be willing to do this, so before we spent any money, I wanted Drew to be aware of the whole, waxing and wearing silicone parts elements. He was more thoughtful than shocked since he had half guessed what I had in mind. Once he agreed it was all steam ahead.
Chapter 2
I managed to get Drew in for a full-body wax at the first beauty salon on my list. I was curious as to how he was going to react. He obviously looked like a guy and was entering a traditionally female establishment to get a procedure that was usually only done on women. I know times are changing and some guys have various areas waxed, but Drew had told me that he never had. He was a bit worried about the pain and was understandably nervous.
I reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze to try and reassure him when I felt he needed support. He was a curious mix of someone who liked and needed support but had learnt to cope without. So I could see his worry as well as his bravery to deal with it. I didn't go in the room with him, mainly because I thought that would make him uncomfortable. I felt like a mum who's kid had gone to school and was waiting anxiously for him to finish and see how his experience was.
We did have a shower in the RV, but in the confined space shaving was going to be awkward, so all of us girls had decided to wax instead. Since Drew had more hair than us, if he was going to shave he would have to do it frequently, so waxing was a much better idea. His face couldn't be treated that way. I asked him to shave that morning and fortunately, Sarah had brought her supplies. In the future, I suggested that he shaved his face every evening so he would be as smooth as possible for the night.
He had used the internet to put about a thousand dollars into my account. He asked me to watch him do it because it would take a couple of days to hit my account. I wasn't bothered about spending the money, but I think he needed to know that he was paying for it.
He came out with red eyes suggesting that he had been crying. I wasn't sure if that was from the pain or if someone had triggered his grief. I paid the bill and quizzed him. It turns out it was the combination. It was a painful experience and to take his mind off it, the therapist tried talking to him and engaging him in conversation. In his situation, even innocent questions can remind him of what he has lost. Once he started crying the lady stopped the inquisition and just got the job done. This allowed him to get control of himself although he admitted feeling embarrassed.
Next stop was a suburban house selling breast forms and other silicone enhancements. We discussed on route how much help he wanted me to be. He weighed the embarrassment of near nakedness versus getting help each night to make it look right. From my understanding, you could apply these forms on your own, but it was easier if you had help to make sure they were placed correctly.
I reminded him that I was a lesbian and that his male bits did not interest me at all. What I didn't say was that I had no idea how I would react when his male bits were hidden by a false vagina and he had a pair of breasts. He nervously wanted my help. He even asked my opinion on what breasts to choose. He thought he should go for the smallest available that fit him, which was a B cup. I have always had a thing about breasts. Apparently, my fascination included false ones, so I had a great time making him hold against him different sizes and shapes. I decided the D cup were the right ones for him with a semi-erect nipple.
I thought Drew was a kind of submissive. Easy going without being a doormat, but definitely a submissive and, to be honest, even though I knew he wanted the smaller size, I wanted him to have the D cups. I'll admit I was a little bit domineering and told the lady we were having the D cup size despite Drew's wishes and then told him they were my treat and if he really wanted to buy another set he could buy the B cup, at which point he backed down and even softly thanked me, with a slightly puzzled voice.
It wasn't till later that I realised that I had just treated Drew like he was my girlfriend. I wasn't helping him out, I was choosing something that would give me pleasure, rather like later when I chose his nighties with Ellie and Sarah. They were doing the same thing though.
The false vagina was quite interesting. The lady helping us explained about pushing the testicles up through the hole they came down originally and then gave us some privacy to perform that act. Initially Drew tried to do it on his own with his back to me, in a sort of crouched position. He really struggled though, so, in the end, I had him laying down and I manoeuvred them back up.
I have never really been curious about men and their bits. I have always felt a strong attraction towards women and none towards men, so even when I was pretending to be straight I didn't have a boyfriend and had never touched those areas. It was a strange experience. I felt detached and clinical, but caring at the same time. I was aware that they were delicate and I needed to be careful, but they held no interest, completely unlike handling the breasts earlier.
I was watching Drew while I was feeling for the depression and pushing them up, looking for clues as to whether I was hurting him. He was looking anywhere except at me, obviously embarrassed. His penis reacted to my working on his balls so I didn't immediately call the saleswoman back in. I removed my hands from the area and pretended that I hadn't noticed, chatting about how we ended up on this road trip.
Once he had calmed down I called the lady back in and she showed how the false vagina fit. The penis went into this tube that was a part of the general structure. It meant he could still go to the toilet if he needed to, but would not be able to have any erections, it was too restrictive for that. It came with a neat triangular pubic hair bush, which helped draw the eye away from any edges that were hard to spot anyway. His skin colour was typical white which was fairly easy to match for both appliances, so it blended in really well and looked very natural.
She then had Drew lying down and showed me how to apply the glue, which we did for demonstration purposes. It was mainly about lining it up correctly and holding it still long enough for the glue to set. I would love to say that when he stood up he looked completely female, but that would be a lie. I looked him over very carefully and his body was now almost perfectly girly. Low on hip curves, but some women are like that, so it didn't stand out. It was his face that disappointed the overall picture. It wasn't very masculine, but it was enough that way to be jarring when looking at the rest of his body. The sales lady talked about wigs and makeup, which would probably be enough to help him to pass to the casual observer if he was in public.
We took Drew's measurements so that we would be able to choose appropriate nightwear and then applied the glue solvent. Drew changed back into his clothes so that we could go shopping. Even though the aim wasn't to get him to pass in public, I still wanted to get him a wig to complete the picture. We then travelled back to the Mall to meet back up with Ellie and Sarah.
Drew had no other clothes than what he was wearing and he didn't want to buy much. Still, he needed a couple of pairs of trousers a few tops and lots of underwear. After we had picked a few items for him to try on, I had Ellie wait to critique them while I pulled Sarah out of the shop for a quick chat.
“How did the transformation go?” Sarah asked.
I smiled a little secretively. “You will just have to wait and see. We do need to get him a wig to complete the picture though. I pulled you out for a slightly different discussion.” I pulled Sarah over to a bench that was outside the shop.
“Go for it,” Sarah said, trying to get me started.
I didn't just want to blurt it out, I wanted her to think about it and come to her own conclusions, which made this a difficult conversation. “I noticed something about Drew that I don't think he has noticed about himself.”
Sarah raised an elegant eyebrow.
“OK. Let me ask this question. What defines you as female?” I asked.
“What?” was Sarah's ladylike response.
“Imagine you have your eyes closed and you have no memory of your life and someone asked you are you a girl or a boy? You would automatically answer girl, right? But it is not because you have a vagina or breasts, you wouldn't know that they were there, you would just know that the way you think is the way a girl thinks. Now imagine you still have your eyes closed, but you touch your body and can feel no breasts and further down you can feel bits that belong on a boy. You're still a girl, but your body would make you think you were a boy and everyone seeing those bits would tell you 'you are a boy'.”
“Are you saying Drew is trans?” Sarah asked to confirm.
“I am pretty sure Drew thinks the same way we think. He knows he is not like other guys, he has just not made the logical leap that if he is not like other guys, maybe he isn't a guy at all. OK, another question. You let Drew hug you. We both know that he was acting out of beautiful intentions. He saw you hurting and couldn't stop himself from reacting in a nurturing way. But, you don't let guys hug you, period. What were you thinking? What was going through your mind?”
“I didn't really think,” Sarah said with a sigh. “It is not about thinking it is about feeling. I don't see a guy getting close to me and think 'that is a guy, I need to be careful or he might rape me'. I just see a guy and feel fear closely followed by anger.”
“And with Drew?” I prompted.
“He doesn't seem to trigger my response. You are saying that is because he isn't really a guy. What about at night? I couldn't relax.”
“You tell me. Was that because you were feeling threatened or were you just thinking too much. In fact, don't tell me. I just want you to think about it. I am going to do a brief gender questionnaire tonight, pretending it is from Cosmopolitan about who will make the best lover. It is not going to be definitive, but I bet you his score will show he is female. There is something else I want you to think about. You know, when we have had a few drinks and we have talked about our ideal partner do you remember what we came up with? We both wanted the same thing, so I remember.” I looked at Sarah seriously.
“Er, yeah. I think it was kind-hearted, someone who likes being looked after but independent, loving, giving, submissive. Did I miss anything?”
“Don't forget delicate and I think we agreed to big breasts,” I reminded her.
“I think the big breasts was all you. And?” Sarah quizzed.
“How would you describe Drew? Don't answer, just something to think about.”
Chapter 3
Finding the right clothes for Drew was surprisingly difficult. I don't know whether it was because subconsciously I thought of him as a girl and my conversation with Sarah may have put similar thoughts in her head. Anyway, finding items that we all agreed on was an infrequent occurrence. It didn't help that he was not particularly forceful with his opinions and wanted to be lead by a female committee of fashionistas who couldn't make up their minds.
On the downside that meant he didn't have a lot of clothes and would have to frequently use the laundry service provided, at a cost, by the tour company. On the upside, it would give us an excuse to take him shopping again.
We couldn't waste any more time though as we needed to get driving. The next stop on the tour was Wichita which was over a thousand miles away so we had two days to get there. We had organised a stop in Santa Fe which was still quite a drive from Phoenix. We swapped drivers every couple of hours or when one of us was getting tired. Drew offered to take a turn, but his licence was in his missing backpack so we didn't want to risk it or change the insurance.
The person who was next due to drive usually rested and the other two stayed with the driver or rested as well. Drew tried to stay with us, but we had the radio on and a song by Pink called Family Portrait came on and it triggered Drew's emotions, so he retreated to cry in bed and since I wasn't driving at the time I joined him to give him a cuddle.
I had only known Drew for a couple of days and yet I already cared for him. I felt frustrated that there was nothing I could do to make him feel better. I hope the cuddles and touches that we all gave him helped a little bit, but it felt so tiny compared to the size of his heartache. I wondered if it would be healthy if we could get him to talk about it, but I think he needed a bit of time first. At the moment anything that reminded him of his loss brought on a crying fit where he was in no condition to talk about anything.
By the time we arrived, it was really late and we were all tired. There was also a slight air of anticipation as Sarah and Ellie hadn't seen Drew's transformation yet. I had them both sit in the front while Drew first shaved his face and then I prepared him for the night. I helped him get tucked away and glued down and applied the wig we had bought.
He hadn't gone into the lingerie shop with us when we had bought his nighties so its sexiness was a complete surprise to him. I don't know exactly why we only bought sexy nightwear for Drew, but I knew that I could get him to wear it. He held it up in his hands and looked at me with a question mark in his eyes.
I looked at him with authority, knowing that he was going to do what I wanted and getting a thrill from dominating him. “I chose the most feminine items I could. Don't forget what we are trying to achieve here,” I informed him.
He paused, thinking about it, then shrugged his shoulder and let me help him slip on a baby doll nightie. That's when I realised that we had forgotten that he would need female underwear at night. He tried putting his boxers on but it looked ridiculous. Maybe I was being a bit naughty, but I told him that most women don't bother with underwear when they wear a nightie and told him to remove his underpants.
When I went to tell Sarah and Ellie that Drew had left and Gabi had joined us for the night, I told them about the lack of panties and that I had told innocent Gabi that you don't normally wear panties to bed when you have a nightie. They both giggled and we made a pact to do the same.
Drew is a relatively gender-neutral name and could refer to a girl, but I wanted Sarah to get the idea that there were no men in the RV so tried to phrase it that way. It was a spur of the moment decision, so Drew had no contribution to his new name and the dominant part of my personality smiled internally, liking the idea that I had named her. Almost in a possessive claiming kind of way, although I was prepared to share with the sisters of my heart.
Gabi was facing away, lying on her side when we came back in.
“Here she is, the beautiful Gabi,” I announced so that I could inform Gabi of her new name. I saw her tense in surprise, followed by a deliberate, controlled relaxation.
Sarah went into the bathroom to get changed. Ellie and I changed in the bedroom. Gabi was facing away and never peeked, but I had seen the whole of her and didn't feel self-conscious anymore. I think Ellie wanted Gabi to turn and look since she paused when completely naked, pretending to take her time choosing her nightwear. If I get Gabi alone sometime tomorrow I will suggest that she observe us getting changed when she is in her Gabi form. It would give Ellie a thrill and for some reason, the idea appealed to me as well. I'm not usually such an exhibitionist, but Gabi was pressing some of my kinky buttons. It would also show her that both of us were wearing nighties with no panties.
Sarah came out of the bathroom and got in behind Gabi and snuggled up. I joined the pile while Ellie stood for a few moments to admire the view before moving off to the single bed. This night was a complete contrast to the previous one. Maybe it was because we were all tired, Gabi from expressing her emotions and the rest of us from driving. So I didn't want to presume that we had solved the issue, but it certainly looked hopeful. Sarah showed no sign of tension and Gabi didn't wake up in the night. Or at least, if she did, she didn't wake me.
We were all quite cheery in the morning with the belief that this could really work. Gabi went straight to the bathroom in the morning and came out as Drew. I couldn't help feeling some disappointment although I tried not to show it on my face.
After breakfast we headed off to Wichita as quickly as possible, eager to get the long drive out of the way. During the journey, I managed to get everyone to do the gender questionnaire. I announced the score, telling Drew that it was a measure of how good a lover he was going to be, which from a lesbian point of view was at least somewhat truthful.
As expected we all showed as being female. Ellie was the most female followed by Drew then me and Sarah was the least female. I had managed to tell Ellie of my suspicions regarding Drew during our argumentative shopping trip and I don't think either Ellie or Sarah were surprised by that result. I think most of us go through life with blinkers on and when someone removes them your thoughts have a different context to see the world. Once I had put the idea in their heads, everything they saw about Drew was put through the 'is he a she' filter. I also saw them testing him a few times.
Although legally none of us are of an age to consume alcohol, that never stopped Sarah and she has a fake id that she uses to get supplies. She also looks old enough, which helps. She offered to get some beer for Drew. I know lots of women like beer, but the stereotype is against that image. Drew told her he didn't like the taste. I smiled during the conversation knowing what she was doing.
Ellie quizzed him on sporting activity and found that he was not interested in either playing or watching any sport. He knew about them and could talk about the most popular English sports, but there was no interest and the topic clearly didn't interest him.
After my epiphany about Drew's gender, I had been doing some research when I felt I could. Mainly times when I thought Drew would not be able to look over my shoulder. Everything about Drew's behaviour was confirming the idea that he was transgender and I now was pretty sure that I had convinced Ellie and Sarah about my conclusions.
The next question was, do we say anything to Drew. Do we say nothing but encourage some subtle or, considering that I had already convinced him to wear a vagina and breasts each night, some not so subtle feminisation. I didn't want to hurt him and he had enough emotional issues to deal with at the moment, that I didn't want to add to his load. On the other hand, would he be more stable and better off facing this truth? Plus we only had three and a bit more weeks with him before he was potentially out of our lives forever. I hated that thought. He wouldn't be over his grief in that time and if he left us he would have no one, and I think he was going to have to return if only to sort out all the legal issues.
Whether to speak to Drew about his gender issues was too big a decision to make on my own. I was looking forward to going to the concert because there would be moments when it would just be the three of us and we could decide what we should do, without Drew knowing.
Chapter 4
Drew's POV
I had to sit in the front as the girls got themselves ready for another concert. It was a strange contrast to how they acted after I had dressed female. I sort of understood it, as they were completely uninterested in my male body. I did get the impression that they were almost flaunting their bodies after my transformation. Buffy had even told me that I shouldn't look away when they were getting changed when I was also female.
I looked back over the last couple of days with a smile. What a strange road my life was now travelling. Not that I was complaining. My only real issue was that I found all my travelling companions very attractive. Each in different ways. To some extent, I appreciated wearing my silicone vagina as it also acted as an erection suppressant.
When Sarah spooned me at night I felt protected, safe and even cared for. Strangely I also felt a bit feminine, almost as if I was a real girl, and that feeling was compounded by feeling the weights on my chest and feeling an absence between my thighs. That feminine feeling thrilled me giving me a weird internal satisfaction.
On the face of it, nothing that I had done was against my principals and I had certainly not been forced into it. I wasn't hurting anyone and in fact, by going along with the girls' suggestions, I was helping them to feel more at ease. This was mainly aimed at Sarah, and after she had managed to find the courage to explain why men affected her, I could hardly refuse. I mean apart from the hair removal, which most women have experienced at one time or another, all I was doing was putting on a few bits of fake flesh and wearing different nightwear. That is what my logical mind was saying. Psychologically, how the breasts and vagina were affecting me was a different story. For some unknown reason, I felt different, almost like I was expressing another part of my personality. I felt more submissive, more emotional, more female and I don't know why, but I liked the feeling. Having a female name given to me, only seemed to enhance this feeling of being mentally transformed or maybe released. Like I had a hidden aspect to my personality that I never knew about and becoming Gabi brought it out.
Sarah wasn't the only one who appreciated my transformation. When I was Gabi, Sarah fairly obviously relaxed and even stroked my body in a slightly sexy, possessive way. Buffy and Ellie also seemed to treat me differently. Despite knowing what I really was, they all started treating like I was a real girl. I think they even flirted with me a little and Buffy was encouraging me to flirt with them, too.
It was very confusing and under other circumstances, I might have run away from my feelings. I felt this could be a dangerous road to travel with no knowledge of my destination or the route I was going to take. The reality was this was a wonderful distraction and concentrating on what I was doing and how it was making me feel, helped me not think thoughts that reminded me of what had happened to my family. My mantra to myself was if it didn't harm anyone else, made others feel better and made me feel either neutral or good, then it was alright. Right now I didn't want to make decisions and was enjoying other people leading so that all I had to do was follow.
Once they were all ready to go, I was allowed back into the main area. I complimented them all on looking amazing and wished them a great time. They all smiled, gave me brief hugs and left to have some fun. I contemplated the idea of going online and buying a ticket to one of the shows so that I could enjoy it with them, but I was familiar with the music. I liked the High Notes music, and although I didn't mind The Bleeding Heart Boys music, it was full of sad songs that were likely to get me in the wrong mood.
Judging by how long they were gone last time, I had quite a bit of time to be by myself. I didn't want to check the news or look at anything that might set me off, so I started playing solitaire on my phone.
I think I had been playing for a couple of hours when there was a knock at my door. I opened it cautiously, completely unsure of who would be there. Two very attractive women, probably in their mid-twenties stood there smiling at me. One was blonde, but I think it was dyed as her eyebrows were a dark brown and the other was a brunette. They were both quite tall and were dressed casually, but I would guess expensive casual, makeup perfect and hair like they had just come out a salon. Their appearance made me think they were models.
“Hello,” I said with an uncertain voice.
“Are you Drew?” the blonde asked. “Aaron has told us so much about you.”
“That's err...interesting. I don't know Aaron very well,” I replied.
They both laughed. “He told us that we can no longer call him Casanova since you deserve the title more than him. Dating three girls at the same time,” the blonde continued.
“I wouldn't call myself Casanova.”
“What would you call yourself?” the brunette asked.
“Lucky, I guess. I prefer Drew though. And you are?”
They both laughed. “Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Bonny,” the blonde answered.
“And I'm Chloe,” the brunette added.
“We're Billy and Ethan's better halves,” Bonny finished with a smile.
“Nice to meet you,” I responded.
“While the boys are playing and fulfilling their obligations with their fans, we tend to meet up with Lisa for tea and biscuits. When we heard Aaron talking about you staying in the RV while your girls are at the concert, we thought you might like to join us,” Bonny explained.
“Plus we were dead curious about you after what Aaron said,” Chloe admitted.
I thought for a moment. The girls wouldn't be back for ages so it sounded like a great idea. “That sounds great.” I smiled at them, grabbed a key and locked up.
They led me to three large RVs that had been parked so as to leave a relatively private area in the middle. I noticed the presence of some security guys around the area. They looked me over carefully but didn't approach.
There was a table outside with chairs around it and lots of extras, so I think they were used to more people being there. Sitting at the table was another lady, who had a pram beside her. She was obviously beautiful, but also a bit tired and dishevelled. On the table was a spread of sandwiches, brownies and a few dips with carrot sticks next to them.
Bonny led us straight to the new mother. “Hi Lisa, this is Drew, Drew, Lisa,” she said introducing us.
Lisa didn't get up from the table, but she did offer her hand.
“Nice to meet you, Lisa,” I said, shaking her hand gently.
“The infamous Drew,” Lisa remarked with a smile. “Take a seat and tell us everything. How did you end up dating three women who were all happy to share?”
“It's not how you think,” was my immediate answer. Then I realised I had to be careful exactly what I said. I needed to let them assume we were having a relationship that would keep Aaron off our backs. I took my time taking a seat to gather my thoughts.
“Then tell us how it is,” Chloe requested.
I looked around. We were all sitting down and they were paying me very close attention. “I think the best way to explain this is to talk about wolf packs.”
“Wolf packs?” Lisa queried.
“Yes, wolf packs. I imagine all the boys are what would be called alphas. Dominant, take charge kind of guys, right?”
Lisa and Chloe nodded.
Bonny thought about it. “Billy is no more dominant than I am, but I get your point.”
“So when Aaron thinks about it, he imagines himself in my place as an alpha male, dominating three submissive females. I'm exaggerating, although judging by Aaron's attitude when I met him, I don't think by much. And that is not our reality at all.”
“So how is it?” Lisa prompted.
“Please don't tell Aaron, because at the moment, in his mind, I am a bigger alpha male than him, so he will leave my girls alone, if he finds out the truth, he may start bothering them again.”
“Two things. What is the truth then and Aaron was bothering them?” Bonny asked a bit disturbed.
“I don't know Aaron very well, but from what I have been told, he was behaving like a dog in heat and not taking no for an answer. For example, when Buffy told him that she was seeing someone, he responded that I wasn't present so she should forget about me and be with him.”
“Aaron really is not a bad guy. He is a bit of a horn dog or at least he has been. From what Damon was telling me, he wanted to find someone to go steady with and settle down, he just hasn't found the right person,” Lisa explained.
“We can talk to Aaron and get him to back off.” Bonny waved her hands as if that was beside the point. “What truth do you not want him to find out?”
I took a deep breath. “Ellie, Buffy and Sarah, especially Buffy and Sarah, well, they are the alphas and I am the omega. I'm happy following their direction, not them following mine. I couldn't imagine three people less suited to Aaron, if he keeps going after them, sparks will fly. I don't want Aaron to find out, because some alpha men take that as a challenge.”
“Oh. And you don't mind being omega?” Chloe asked quietly.
“Why should I mind? They have not asked me to do anything I haven't wanted to. And I don't see why I should tell them what to do. They know what they want and are not afraid to ask for it. I find that very attractive.”
“Are you one of those guys who like to be whipped and treated like a slave?” Bonny asked.
“Bonny! Don't you think that is a bit personal,” Lisa admonished.
“We are all thinking it,” Bonny muttered unrepentantly.
I laughed. “I don't mind answering, but maybe after this question, we should change the subject. No, I am not interested in pain or humiliation. Instead of thinking about it as some weird kinky extreme, it would be more accurate to imagine that I am the wife and they are the husbands.” Even just saying that felt weird. “That doesn't mean fifty shades of grey type material, any more than I should assume that is going on in your bedrooms.”
There was a pause while they considered my words. I deliberately mentioned their bedrooms as I don't think any of them would like us to discuss their love life in the kind of detail that they were inquiring about mine.
“Changing the subject,” Lisa began, “how much of the tour are you staying on. Aaron asked Trish and told us that you weren't supposed to be with the girls at all.”
Just then the baby started crying.
“How can you be hungry now? I only fed you an hour ago,” Lisa said with exasperation. I think Lisa had gone past the 'she's so cute' to the 'please let me have some sleep' phase.
“Umm... Lisa. Can I try something?” I asked, coming around to Lisa who was taking baby Mia out of the pram.
“What do you want to try?” Lisa asked, worried about handing over her precious bundle to a stranger.
“I used to do a lot of babysitting, I have a real knack with babies. She sounds to me like she has wind, not that she is hungry. If you listen carefully, she makes slightly different cries for her different needs,” I explained.
Lisa cautiously handed her over, watching me like a hawk.
I placed Mia on my shoulder, bouncing her gently and rubbing her back. I have a certain voice I have always used with the babies that I looked after. I called it my sweet voice. In my sweet voice, I started telling Mia how beautiful she was and what a wonderful baby she was and so on. She calmed down, but still seemed upset and then after a couple of minutes of persevering with my technique a loud burp was heard by us all. She settled pretty rapidly after that. I handed her back and she soon fell asleep in Lisa's arms.
Chapter 5
Aaron's POV
I can't deny, I was feeling a little bit frustrated. The concert went great and I was feeling really pumped. It was in the after-party where we met our diehard fans that everything started going downhill. All my friends were starting to settle down, either in a steady relationship or married with kids.
These tours used to be great for picking up willing women, a different one each night. I was wondering what the big deal was about having the same woman every night and even going so far as to swear before God to never have a different one again. It seemed crazy and yet my bandmates were telling me that I was the crazy one.
When Noah from High Notes asked if his eighteen-year-old sister could follow the tour with two other eighteen-year-old girls, I argued for an exemption to our usual policy. Normally it would be an automatic no, but I was sure I could hook up with one of them and see what it was like to have the same girl for at least a month.
That plan fell apart pretty quickly and all because of a pipsqueak of a man. Not even a man, more a pretty boy who, if I had met him in the street would have presumed was gay. I had thought they were playing an elaborate joke on me, especially since I knew Trish had not given permission for anyone other than the three girls. Then I met the little fart and couldn't believe my eyes. I could have spoken to Trish and got him removed, but that felt petty and would not endear me to the girls.
Having given up, at least temporarily, on my first plan, I thought I would go back to my usual habits and pick up a different groupie each night. I had to be a bit more careful now since my bandmates all had their girlfriends with them and did not appreciate random girls around them, especially now that Mia was around. The problem was my mind was fixated on Buffy. She was really curvy with big tits and a beautiful arse, her face wasn't bad to look at either. She also had this confident swagger that emphasised all her assets. I kept comparing all the groupies to her and found them wanting. We had already started the tour and I hadn't had sex yet. That was like a record for me and not one I wanted to continue.
Our part of the show finished by around eight-thirty and the after-party went on till midnight, but our obligation was to be there until ten. Damon, Billy and Ethan all left as soon as they could so that they could spend some time with their partners before turning in. So far I had been following them like a sad muppet. I was handsome, rich and a rock star, how could this be happening to me?
I wondered why Buffy and her friends were following us since I knew their RV was not parked anywhere near ours. The answer became obvious when we moved around my RV that was placed to block the public from viewing a private space in the middle. There were Lisa, Bonny and Chloe laughing their heads off with the little fart in the middle telling them a story.
I felt a spike of anger, almost like the little fart was challenging me in some way and winning. I felt a need to fight back and then the little fart gave me an opportunity. They hadn't seen us yet and he was gesturing wildly and very expressively, but one hand was touching Lisa's shoulder.
I turned to Damon. “Look out, man, someone is making a move on your girl,” I told him. If Damon has any problem it is jealousy. It takes very little to get him worried that someone is after his love and the man is built like a brick.
Finally, the girls and it noticed us. Lisa's face lit up seeing Damon, so I thought my ruse was sunk, but she enthusiastically introduced the little fart.
“Damon you've got to met Drew,” she said. All of them had got up from the table. Bonny and Chloe went to hug their guys and Lisa was pulling Drew towards Damon, who was looking on with a very stern face.
“Nice to meet you, Damon,” Drew said pleasantly, offering his hand to shake.
“Nice to meet you too,” Damon said between clenched teeth as he took Drew's hand.
Rather than a quick shake and let go, Damon held on and Drew's face went from pleasant smile to puzzled face to a pain-filled one. He then let out an involuntary yelp of pain and finally, Damon let go.
Drew went to his knees holding his hand with his other hand, tears leaking down his face, looking up with a pitiful 'why?' on his face. I couldn't help myself, I laughed out loud.
Damon was then hit from the side by an enraged Buffy who shouted 'get away from him arsehole.'
Lisa slapped Damon on the cheek and started ripping him a new arsehole. I'm pretty sure I wasn't going to be the only one sleeping alone tonight.
I felt a jab in my side. “Not cool, dude, not cool,” Ethan said, walking past me with Chloe looking at me like I was dirt.
Drew's three girls surrounded him and took him back to their RV.
I decided to get the hell out of there and went back to my RV as well. I felt a bit confused. Somehow I felt I had won a battle, but by winning the battle, I had lost the war. I had felt satisfaction when the little fart had got hurt, but almost like I had just kicked a puppy, I felt this sickening sensation inside me.
I would have a chat with Trish tomorrow. I think it would be best if I got them kicked off the tour. I know it would piss off a few people, but it was messing with my head and that was not good.
Half an hour later, someone was knocking on my door. I opened the door to find Damon looking a bit sheepish.
“Can I stay with you tonight?” he asked me.
“Yeah. In the doghouse, I guess.”
“Yeah, no thanks to you.”
“Sorry, mate. For some reason, that guy gets to me. I'm going to speak to Trish tomorrow and get them off the tour.” Damon knew I had provoked him and I knew I was in the wrong. “I'll speak to Lisa tomorrow and tell her that I stirred the shit. I'll try and get you out of the doghouse.”
“Getting rid of Drew is going to get me in even more trouble. If you want to get me out of the doghouse, you need to apologise to Drew. That kid is like a baby whisperer or something. He was like the answer to Lisa's prayers and I have just alienated him. I'm going to be doing some big-time grovelling tomorrow.”
“Seriously?” Damon just nodded. “Fuck,” I whispered.
There went my plans of getting rid of them. If anything they were going to be even more entangled with me than before. Maybe I needed to see a therapist. I don't think it was jealousy but something about them stirred negative shit up and highlighted some darkness in my soul. At least I can redirect my desire to hurt Drew into practical jokes. That could satisfy my dark urge without causing harm. Something to think about.
Chapter 6
Buffy's POV
I couldn't believe that arsehole. I saw it all. Drew was happy and considering he had so much to be sad about at the moment, that was a fricking miracle. And then that Neanderthal tried to crush his hand in some weird male dominance stupidity. I considered myself a dom, but this display reinforced my belief that dom and sub behaviour had nothing to do with gender because that was some male shit that I was never going to understand.
Clearly Drew didn't understand it either. You could tell by the look on his face. We were here to support High Notes, not The Bleeding Heart Boys and more importantly, Noah, Ellie's brother, but with two members of The Bleeding Heart Boys behaving like idiots, I was seriously reconsidering my holiday plans. Maybe we would be better off doing some touristy stuff. You don't get an opportunity to follow a big tour like this very often, but it wasn't the fun and giggles I was expecting. I would discuss it with the girls and see what they thought.
When we got back to the RV Ellie examined Drew's hand. He could move all his fingers and hadn't lost any touch sensation, but it was painful for him to use his hand. We put a few ice cubes in a bowl of water and had him hold his hand in it to try and give him some pain relief. Sarah tried to get him to have some painkillers but Drew explained that he did not react well to them, so we resorted to the old fashioned form of pain relief, alcohol.
First, we all got ready for bed. We fussed over Drew trying to do everything for him and so that he had to move as little as possible. Sarah helped this time to put his silicone enhancements on and I showed her how to line it up to keep them in the right places. Drew didn't need the ice this time to keep himself small enough to fit into the vagina. I think pain really is a mood killer for him/her. Then we dressed him in the naughtiest nightie that we bought him. It was a light pink baby doll that barely covered his bottom and was partially see-through. I dressed in a matching version but in light purple. I was hoping we could distract him from the pain and judging by the look in his eyes I knew it was working. He had tried to look away, but I pulled his head around and lifted his chin up so he was forced to either look or close his eyes. He looked. Or maybe I should say she looked, Gabi was with us again.
As if I had set a challenge, Ellie put on some very sexy white lace underwear and nothing else and Sarah wore an imitation corset type thing in black lace with red edging. I think we were all drooling. Ellie made sure to get changed in front of Gabi, deliberately including delayed moments of nudity with full unnecessary bends to pick up her discarded clothing from the floor. I could see that she was enjoying giving us a show, her breath was audible and her nipples were standing proud, visible through the bra.
Sarah didn't go to the bathroom to get changed, but at the same time, didn't give us a show. She was quick to cover up so I knew she was still a little uncomfortable, but bravely fighting through it.
The air was quite charged as we gathered to sit around the table. I had wanted to distract Gabi from the pain and ended up distracting all of us. I was sitting opposite her and couldn't help using my feet to occasionally stroke her leg.
Rather than just drinking the tequila shots, we decided to play truth or dare, with shots between each round. We knew each other really well, but very little about Gabi and she knew very little about us, so it was only going to be Gabi asking each of us and us asking her.
We all clinked the shot glasses and started the game.
“How did you all meet?” was Gabi's first question.
“I'll take this one,” I answered. “We all went to the same high school. You know what happened to Sarah so you are probably not surprised that the table she sat at for lunch had no guys present. She would chase them away and eventually the table was labelled Dyke Corner. When Ellie and I were caught kissing and were being labelled that way anyway we joined her and came out to our families. That about cover it?” I asked, looking at Sarah and Ellie, who nodded. “I'll start the first question. You don't have to go into great detail, but I need to know that we aren't err... damaging you. We are feminising you, just a bit and only at night, but still, are you really OK with it?”
Gabi looked down shyly and after only a brief pause, nodded her head. She then looked up briefly with a slight smile on her face. “Do you mind telling me about your families reaction when you came out?” she asked a little uncertainly.
“My dad is a lawyer and my mom is a judge,” Sarah answered. “I went through a lot of therapy after my rape and it didn't help when the defender tried to attack me personally and make me out to be a slut or a whore. I think I was probably bisexual before although my main interest was men. After, I struggle to take any physical contact from a man, even dad. My father is a bit heartbroken and blames himself. It doesn't help that the man who attacked me was a friend of his. When I told them that I was a lesbian, I think they were relieved more than anything. All they want is for me to be happy and that was never going to happen with a guy.”
“Ellie do you want to go next?” I asked.
“Sure. My mom is a Psychologist and my dad is a cosmetic surgeon. I've been in therapy since I was small for excessive shyness. They wondered if I was autistic, but I had none of the other symptoms or behaviours. I started discussing my feelings with my therapist and she urged me to tell my parents. Mom was very understanding, of course. Dad took a bit of convincing and I am not sure, even now how he really feels about it. Mom sort of forces him to be accepting, at least.” Ellie shrugged. Not a horror story, but I've met her dad and she is right, he looks at her with a puzzled disapproval.
“My parents were probably the most shocked. I was a popular cheerleader who even dated a few jocks. My grandfather was a big businessman worth a fortune. My dad worked for his company before he sold it and married mom almost as a business transaction. At the time it helped merge two companies together. They both have affairs that I am not supposed to notice. I was mainly brought up by nannies and none of them stayed that long as mom was always firing them if I showed them more affection than her. I knew from a young age how I felt but wanted to keep it a secret until I had received my inheritance.” Gabi reached across and started stroking my arm with her good hand, offering comfort, as if what I was saying needed it. “It wasn't that bad. I had everything I asked for.”
“But not what you needed,” Gabi said quietly. “You needed love.”
I blinked back a few tears. “Well, it taught me what I wanted and what was important.”
“That love is more important than money?” Gabi asked.
“I don't think money has anything to do with love. In our school you had to have money to go there, so we all came from well off families. I don't think money makes you more or less likely to have a good relationship. I saw rich families in both wonderful and terrible relationships. No, I want someone who doesn't want to change me, who loves me for who I am and nothing else.”
“So what happened?” Gabi asked after a hand squeeze.
“I got careless and was outed at school, which meant I had to tell my parents. My parents were initially very disapproving, worried that it might affect their social standing, but pretty soon my news was old news and they went back to not caring. My grandfather was not as understanding and at the same time, his usual manipulative self. After some time to think about it, he declared that he didn't care about my orientation, as long as I gave him an heir. So he changed his will. My allowance was stripped back. It still gives me a comfortable living, just not a lavish one. On the day I give birth, I receive my full inheritance and if I don't have a child before I am twenty-five, my inheritance goes to my cousin. Just to be fair, my cousin, Tarquin, now can't receive his unless he has a child and a paternity test to prove it is his or I receive his money. If neither of us has a child before twenty-five, the entire sum will be given to the first of us to do so after that.”
“At least he didn't require you to marry a man,” Ellie commented.
“As I said, I have learned what is important. I would love to have a child, but I don't think I would make the best mother, so I need to be in a loving relationship with someone who would love to be a mother. And if I haven't found that by the time I am twenty-five, so be it. I am not going to compromise because of money.” I paused, wanting to move onto a lighter subject. We had four shots each now and I was beginning to feel it, so I decided to joke a little. “How about you, Gabi, do you want to be a mother?” I asked with a smile.
She giggled. “I have never thought of it quite like that.” She took her time to phrase her words carefully without losing the illusion we had created. “I have always wanted to have children. I have a fascination with babies and seem to get on really well with them. I would need to be in a loving relationship first though.”
“I think you would make a great mother,” I told her, winking. “Does that count as my question, or can I ask another?”
“Ask away.”
“Alright, Gabi. How long were you planning to travel? This tour lasts for about three months in the US with a few stops in Canada, then there is a month gap before it starts again in Europe. We planned to stay with it for the US and Canada section, but considering what The Bleeding Heart Boys are like I'm not so sure that is the best idea.” I looked at Ellie and Sarah. “We can talk about that later.”
“Actually this was supposed to be the first leg of a year of travel. I finished high school a year early and the university suggested I have a gap year to get a bit more maturity before starting. After America, I was going to travel around Europe, a bit of Asia, before going to Australia and New Zealand.” Gabi smiled sadly, her face losing its enthusiasm. “Not going to happen now,” she muttered.
I decided that I needed to change the subject quickly. “Err... who do you fancy the most?”
Gabi smile changed to a more lecherous one as she looked over all of us in our present outfits.
“I didn't mean us,” I said blushing, “I meant models or actresses.”
“Dare,” she answered.
Chapter 7
Author Note// This entire chapter is a sexual scene. Not done in ridiculous detail, but what goes on is very clear. If this is going to offend you, please don't read it.
Sarah called 'shot', so we all had another round.
“That is not a dare!” The drink was starting to get to me and certain, sexy, naughty thoughts were beginning to become thoughts that I wanted to share. “The traditional dare is a kiss, so pucker up.”
“Hey, not fair!” Sarah exclaimed. “He needs to kiss all of us, right Ellie.”
Ellie was even more drunk than me. She nodded with a big smile. She does get really horny when she has had a drink and I could see her excitement through her underwear. This was turning me on even more.
“There is not enough room here, let's move it to the bedroom.” My suggestion increased the sexual tension that was already palpable and no one disagreed.
I sat Gabi, who was following our direction with a demur smile, on the bed and then climbed onto her lap, with my legs either side. I brought her in close, our breast squashing together, with my hand on the back of her head. She wasn't resisting, but I liked to control things. I paused with our lips millimetres apart, knowing that she wouldn't cross the distance until I commanded her to and glorying in my dominance.
I moved forwards as I held her head still and started by brushing my lips gently against hers and then questing with my tongue.
Time lost all meaning, so I have no idea how long I explored her mouth, and the only thing that caused me to pull away was Sarah's hand on my shoulder, pulling me gently away.
“That was so hot,” Ellie said.
I turned to look at Ellie while I gathered myself. She brazenly had a hand down her panties and the other tweaking a nipple through her bra. She did like to watch, I think more than she liked to participate.
“My turn,” Sarah said.
“One second,” I said, holding out my hand. “Gabi, was that your first kiss?” One of the things that had made the kiss so special was the hesitancy and feeling like Gabi was trying to copy what I was doing. I was so wet I could feel liquid running down my thighs.
Gabi blushed and looked down. “Yes,” she said quietly with a really sweet voice.
My pussy gave an actual clench, like a mini orgasm. I had never had that before. “Are we corrupting you? Do you want us to stop?” I had to ask. I didn't want us to regret tonight and just blame it on the alcohol.
“You are giving me opportunities to find out what I like. I never would have imagined I would enjoy feeling feminine.”
Sarah moved me off and replaced me on Gabi's lap. “I can make you feel a lot more feminine. Would you like that? How far down the rabbit hole are you prepared to go?” Sarah asked her.
I knew what Sarah had in mind and I wasn't sure that was a good idea. I was crazy turned on and drunk, but I cared for Gabi and didn't want her to get hurt. “That might be too far Sarah. If that was her first kiss, she is almost certainly a virgin.”
“I can be gentle and there are different types of virginity. She could lose one type tonight.” Sarah turned back to Gabi. “I can bring you pleasure and make you feel very feminine if you trust me. I promise I won't hurt you and if you don't like anything I am doing, you just have to tell me and I will stop immediately. Do you trust me?”
I was wondering if I should stop this. Then my drunken mind came up with the idea that if Gabi was a girl like we all agreed she was, this might help her realise that fact. We had discussed what we should do with our belief that Drew really was Gabi, or to put it another way, that Gabi was more real than Drew. Ellie had even gone so far as to call her mother and discuss it as a hypothetical situation. The answer was do nothing until they admit it themselves. Drew needed to say I am a girl, I am Gabi, and then we could help her in all ways.
Gabi looked at Sarah uncertainly. “Yes, I trust you,” she whispered.
“Get on the bed properly and go on your hands and knees,” Sarah ordered her firmly, but not unkindly.
Gabi tried to do that, but her hand hurt too much, so I slid underneath her, lying on my back to support her weight. Our breasts were again caressing each other with every bump and movement. My nightie had ridden up as I had slid down, and Sarah pulled Gabi's nightie up. My legs were straight so Gabi had put her knees on either side of my legs which lowered her pelvis to touch mine. Some weight was still taken by her knees, but I still felt a pleasant pressure, groin to groin.
I couldn't see what Sarah or Ellie was doing, although I could imagine. Ellie would be caressing herself, possibly without her clothes on any more and Sarah would be preparing to tickle Gabi's bottom. By now, Gabi was probably aware of what was going to happen and the fact that she hadn't stopped any of us was telling.
To help distract her I started kissing her again. Or at least that was my excuse. Even as lost in the kiss as I was, I knew when Sarah started as I felt Gabi tense slightly and then slowly relax. Sarah was obviously being very careful.
It was a surreal experience. I couldn't see what was happening but I could feel the effects on my body. Gabi's kiss became more passionate and she started almost panting into my mouth. There was a rocking motion causing our pelvises to bump together rhythmically. My clitoris wasn't directly being stimulated but there was a gentle pull on it with each move and it was driving me wild. Not quite enough to bring me to orgasm, but close enough for my body to start demanding that I get one.
I felt when Gabi climaxed. She withdrew her face slightly and then made a sweet moan as her body vibrated. As soon as it seemed to calm down, I pushed her to encourage her to roll off me. I was desperate for a finish and knew Sarah would be willing.
With Gabi beside me, I looked at Sarah. “Please,” I begged her. We both like to be dominant, so in order to have fun, one of us had to give over control to the other. Sarah never gave up control. Sex would only happen when I was willing to give in, like tonight.
Sarah stripped off her lingerie and carefully positioned herself on top so that when she moved we would rub our clitoris together. “You are so wet,” she exclaimed.
“Please,” I repeated.
She started grinding and I didn't take long at all, I was so worked up. Sarah had to stop and wait it out as my climax was so strong. I can't remember having a better feeling. I was relatively limp as Sarah continued to her own satisfaction. She still managed to get me off a second time. I looked across and found a naked Ellie doing the same thing to Gabi. I don't think Gabi could feel much down there with the false vagina, but Ellie obviously was in a similar position to me and needed a bit of help.
When she finished, we all just cuddled up. I tried to check how Gabi was doing, but she was pretty out of it. I didn't think there would be any regrets in the morning, though.
Chapter 8
The next morning we were all feeling worse for wear. The only thing that any of us seemed to regret was the amount of alcohol we had consumed. I'm not sure I regretted even that, as last night probably wouldn't have happened without that lubrication. So, although we had headaches we all had smiles and little touches of affection.
Gabi stayed with us until after breakfast and then returned to Drew, so I think she was becoming more comfortable en femme. I was wondering if I or either Sarah or Ellie would treat Drew differently to Gabi. The answer was a surprising no. I couldn't see Drew and not see Gabi in his eyes and even actions. I'm not sure if it was just my imagination, but his movements seemed more obviously feminine. I had noted that he was naturally graceful, but now it seemed delicate and sensual in a way men just don't move. To be fair, not many women move like that either and those who do are usually classified as girly girls. Nothing over the top and I am positive there was no intention on his part, it was completely natural and beautiful.
Besides our hangovers, Drew was also suffering from his hand injury. It had swollen significantly during the night with a very obvious bruise covering the back of the hand and was still very painful to use. Ellie was our nominated first aider with the most knowledge, although we had all done a first aid course.
“I don't think anything is broken,” Ellie said after getting Drew to move his fingers, “but I think it is best if a qualified doctor looks at it. I think our first stop is going to be the hospital. Do you have insurance?”
“I have travel insurance, but it was arranged as part of my dad's credit card perks, so I don't know if it is valid anymore. I took a picture of my travel insurance on my phone, I'll give them a ring to check.”
He fiddled with his phone, wrote down a number and then tried calling it. We could hear him go through a series of phone filters and then be put on hold. He wandered down to the front passenger seat to wait for someone to answer.
“That's the first time he has mentioned his family without breaking down,” I mentioned.
“Yeah, but the sadness returned to his eyes. I think he is getting better, but he has a long way to go. I can't imagine going through what he must be suffering through. I only hope what we are doing with him is helping and not taking advantage of him when he is vulnerable,” Ellie commented.
Sarah snorted in amusement. “I didn't hear any complaints.”
I giggled. “I think we all had fun last night. I just hope it is not a once-only event.” I turned to Ellie. “I feel pretty confident that we will know if we push him too far. He wants us to take the lead, but he is very capable of saying no.” That was my assessment, anyway.
Drew came back in looking a bit glum. “The insurance is still valid, as it was organised before and is separate to the credit card, which was valid at the time it was arranged. Unfortunately, since I am seventeen and still considered a minor, I will need a guardian to sign it for me. Which basically means I am not covered.”
“You're seventeen?” I said surprised.
“Eighteen at the end of August.”
“Could we sign for you?” Ellie asked.
“No,” Sarah answered for him, “it needs to be somebody who is a legal guardian. I have no idea how you can even arrange that in your circumstances. I do know who to ask though.”
Sarah left to phone her parents. I don't think she wanted to talk about Drew's situation in front of him in case it upset him. In the meantime, I had Drew transfer any important pictures from his phone onto the laptop, so that we had another copy, just in case.
It included pictures that were taken with his family at Disney. He cried, but smiled at the same time and pointed out all his family and what they were doing. Then it became too much for him and we put him back to bed, sandwiched between us.
We cuddled him and stroked him until he calmed down. He wasn't having the great racking sobs that we remembered from when we first met him, so I think he was getting better and it didn't take more than maybe ten minutes before he was able to get back up.
We moved back to the living area where Sarah was waiting for us.
“Good news, my mum is prepared to become your legal guardian until your eighteenth birthday. As a judge, she can cut through a lot of the crap, but you will still need to sign some papers in front of a witness. She has given me an address of a retired judge we can go and visit. She is going to fax him the documents. All we have to do is sign in front of him. He is a friend of a friend, but the closest contact that she could find. It is sort of on the way to our next destination, and we can go to the hospital after that.”
Ellie wrapped his hand in a bandage and put his arm in a sling. That was just to remind him not to use it. Then we started off to Oklahoma City. Thank goodness for sat nav.
I waited in the RV with Ellie while Sarah took Drew into the retired judge's private residence. After about twenty minutes they returned with a bunch of papers and we started off to the hospital. We were a low priority, but fortunately, it was a slow day so it didn't take too long before we were seen. They suggested an x-ray to make sure there were no fractures. That turned out negative, so it was just bruised and strained.
We arrived in Tulsa in time for dinner. There was no concert tonight, so we decided to get dressed up and take Drew out for a restaurant dinner. We parked at the venue and dressed to thrill. This time, even though Drew was not en femme, we asked him to sit on the bed and watch us get dressed.
We all put on a bit of a show for him, or at least, Ellie and I did, Sarah was still a bit reserved with Drew. We chose our sexiest underwear and slid it sensuously over our legs while watching Drew's reaction. Ellie even got him to choose between different outfits.
We really did need to buy Drew some more clothes. I think the problem last time may have been because we were looking in the wrong section. Subconsciously, none of us liked dressing him in male clothes, so we were never going to find something we liked. It did mean that he stuck out somewhat when we got out of the RV. Three ladies dressed to perfection and one guy in casual clothes.
I realised what I really wanted was Gabi to be going out with us and I had a feeling that if I was patient and didn't push too hard, that would eventually happen.
When we park the RV at the venue, we are always guided so that we are in the right place. It was only when we exited all dressed up that it became obvious that we had been reassigned. Around us were the three RV's of The Bleeding Heart Boys band. Considering what had happened the last time Drew had met them, I didn't like that at all. I wanted to be as far away from them as possible.
“Why did they position us here?” Sarah asked what I was thinking.
“Don't know, don't care. We are going to have a great night out and sort it all out tomorrow,” I declared.
“We are just going to a restaurant, aren't we?” Ellie asked. “After last night, I'm not sure I am up to a night on the town.”
“All we need for a great night is some good food and good company,” I remarked, linking arms with Drew on one side and Sarah on the other. Ellie doesn't usually like to be held like that, but this time decided that she wanted to join in and held Drew's other arm.
We picked up the uber we had organised out the front and went to the Italian we had looked up on the internet. We had a booth organised with candles for lighting and someone playing the piano in the background. Drew struggled to use his right hand, so we took it in turns to feed him. That didn't seem fair, so we fed each other as well. It was one of the most romantic meals I have ever had. To start with we pretended to be loving, with over the top intent staring into each other eyes as we fed a morsel of food and the person receiving it, acted like it was the sexiest food on earth. Licking lips, lots of tongue action and appropriate moans. We giggled, we laughed and then somehow the atmosphere changed and our actions became more natural and sincere. We couldn't stop because Drew really needed the help, so instead, we just toned it down and everything felt more heartfelt. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul and there was something about Drew's liquid brown eyes that really drew us all in.
We returned to the RV smiling, comfortable with each other in a way that I can't remember ever feeling about anyone else. I admit that I am young and inexperienced, but I thought I had been in love before. Now I was beginning to think I had just been naïve. I didn't want to say it out loud. I didn't want to be the first to admit it. We all seemed to be on the same wavelength, so I don't think I was the only one to think it. I had found love and I don't think I was alone.
When you are young, before you even know your sexuality, you are inundated with images of the supposed perfect life. You find the perfect man, fall in love, have children, live happily ever after. As girls, we dream of white weddings, comforting children and believing the most important things in life are love and family. When you realise you are gay, your belief in the system becomes damaged, that perfect life is not for you and you have to redefine your happily ever after. That night I redefined it again. I wanted all of us, living together. The night before wouldn't have worked without all of us playing our part and tonight was the same. I didn't want one partner, I wanted three. But Drew was going to leave us and it would all fall apart without him, or more accurately, without Gabi. So walking back I was feeling warm with love, excited about tonight, because I was feeling loving and was hoping for some intimacy, and, at the same time, there was a hint of sorrow, knowing it all had to end at some point.
Chapter 9
I was the first to wake up the next morning. After our exhausting but very satisfying bedroom antics, we had all ended up sleeping in the one double bed. Hardly enough room for two let alone four. I woke up on my side with my arm over Sarah, reaching far enough to lie on Gabi and Ellie's arm and leg were draped over me.
Extracting myself as carefully as I could, still caused a sleepy protest from Ellie, but I put her arm on Sarah and saw her shift herself to cuddle up and put her leg over Sarah's sleeping form. I got the coffee on and then made a start on preparing breakfast. It wasn't long before everyone joined me with similar tired but happy smiles. I took careful note of Gabi as I think she was still the most fragile of us. Her smile was heartwarming in its sincerity.
We had just about finished breakfast when we had a knock on our door. Gabi jerked up at the noise and scooted off to the bathroom, presumably to change into Drew. I waited until she was out of sight before answering.
Standing in front of me was a very sheepish looking Damon. I suspect my face changed into a bit of a scowl. My feelings towards that man were extremely hostile. He had hurt Drew for no reason whatsoever.
“What do you want?” I asked curtly, trying to keep some civility to my voice.
“I came to apologise.” He looked me in the eye and then dropped his gaze like a naughty schoolboy.
“Apology not accepted,” I told him.
“Huh?”
“We had to take Drew to the hospital yesterday. His hand is bruised and swollen and we had to make sure it wasn't fractured. He still can't use it without pain. What on earth possessed you?”
Damon sighed. “I can be a jealous prick at times. I know I have no reason to be and my logical brain can agree that I shouldn't have reacted.” He scratched his chin. “You know the walls to these RV's are pretty thin, right. You guys were pretty loud last night, so I know I have nothing to worry about. Drew must be pretty exhausted to manage all three of you, and Lisa assured me that he wasn't flirting with her, just being friendly.”
I could feel the blush on my face and felt a little flustered at the thought that our activities were overheard. Last night was not the issue here, it was his behaviour with Drew. “That is no excuse,” I said, trying to get back in control of the conversation.
“No, no it isn't. I promise not to overreact again. Is Drew available? I would like to apologise to him directly and I have a gift for him, to say sorry. Lisa would like him to visit whenever he likes and has promised to give me a beating if I even look at him wrong.” Damon tried to give me a winning smile.
“Hmmm...” I was not impressed. “Wait here, I will go and check on Drew.”
I shut the door and checked that Gabi had retired and Drew was available. Then I told him what was going on and stood next to him, giving him support as he faced Damon.
Damon apologised again and offered Drew backstage passes for the rest of the tour. Drew thanked him quietly and took the passes with an uncertain look on his face.
When Damon had left I asked him, “don't you want to go to the show with us?”
He smiled gently at me. “I love the idea of being with you, but the sad songs talking about loss or missing someone would bring me down. I would be a crying mess.”
Even just talking about it I could see the sadness beginning to cloud his eyes. I cuddled him. “You don't have to go. If you would like, I can go and talk to them and explain why you won't be using it. They will understand, I'm sure.”
“Thanks,” he answered.
I got myself dressed properly, and went over to Damon and Lisa's RV. I knocked on the door. Lisa answered and immediately invited me in. Their RV was huge compared to ours and even though it only needed to cater for the two of them and baby Mia, it was crowded with baby stuff. It's amazing how something so small can take up so much space.
“I'm so sorry,” Lisa said, apologising again on behalf of Damon, “is he alright?”
“Sort of. Nothing is broken, but it is bruised and swollen. Using it is still causing him some pain. That's not what I came round for. Thank you for the backstage pass, but he is unlikely to use it.” I sighed. “Drew is going through a lot at the moment. You have probably heard about the plane that was lost going from New York to London.”
“Yeah, that was terrible. Does he know someone who was on board?” Lisa asked.
“His whole family.”
“No! That's terrible. Poor Drew. The whole family?” Lisa looked distraught.
“Parents, grandparents and sister. He doesn't know of any other relatives, so he is feeling very alone. We are all he has now. Anything that reminds him of that tends to reduce him to tears and The Bleeding Heart Boys' songs could do that, so he doesn't want to risk it.”
“Understandable. Bonny, Chloe and I will look after him while you go. Do you mind me telling them, then, hopefully, we will be less likely to set him off and if he gets upset and knows that we already understand, he won't get embarrassed,” Lisa said earnestly.
Lisa seemed a lovely person. Caring and kind with a good heart. It felt good knowing Drew would be in good hands. “Thank you, please do.”
We arranged for Drew to come round shortly after we had left for the show.
The rest of the day passed in a very relaxed way. It was laundry day and Drew didn't have many clothes, but he needed it all washed so everything except what he was wearing that night and the next morning was in the wash. We would get it all back the next day at the next location so it wasn't too much of an issue.
Sarah, Ellie and I wanted to support High Notes, so we all left a couple of hours before The Bleeding Heart Boys needed to go. Bonny and Chloe usually spent that time with their men, but Lisa wanted Drew to join her then as that was the time when Mia played up the most and she could do with the help. I think that was partially true, but really she just didn't want Drew to be alone when he didn't need to be. Learning that Drew was suffering emotionally had brought out the protective mother aspect of her personality, but she was wise enough to know the best way to get Drew to join her was to suggest that she needed help.
We kept Drew with us as we went through our preparations and then walked him over to Lisa when it was time to go. Outside Lisa's RV a set of tables and chairs had already been set up, with food and drink available. Lisa and Mia were already outside enjoying the good weather.
Lisa examined Drew's hand with an angry frown on her face and I knew Damon was going to be in further trouble. That didn't bother me at all. We left Drew cooing over the baby, which I found adorable, and after he gave us all a quick kiss goodbye, we headed off to the show.
Chapter 10
The show was a great one. High Notes had gotten over their nerves that was quite noticable for the first few shows, and were gelling better and better. The Bleeding Heart Boys were their usual polished selves, but in the after party I could tell that Damon was in a depressed mood. I'm guessing Lisa had ripped into him again, after seeing Drew's hand and knowing the emotional trauma that he was suffering.
On offer in the after party was beer, some kind of alcoholic punch and various soft drinks. We had been taught from a young age to never trust a drink that had already been opened, so we stuck to the soft drinks. Damon was drinking the punch and was pretty drunk by the time his obligations had passed and we all headed back to the RV's.
Again Drew seemed to be having a good time. Baby Mia was asleep in his arms. We sat down to chat and I noticed that occasionally Drew would sneak a look at Mia's face. Drew's face would express this gentle joy and his sore hand would gently stroke her forehead in affection. He would make an amazing father one day, or maybe mother. It was an expression I have seen on other women's faces but never on a man's.
Damon gestured to have a word with Drew, so Drew passed Mia back to Lisa and climbed out to see what Damon wanted. I hovered close by worried that Damon would do something else foolish. Damon did seem remorseful rather than angry, so I wasn't too worried.
“I'm so sorry man, I was an idiot, will you forgive me,” Damon said, his hand on Drew's shoulder.
“I forgive you, Damon,” Drew said quietly.
“Thanks man,” Damon said with a drunken slur and then spontaneously hugged him, forgetting that he was still holding his drink.
Drew patted his back, ignoring momentarily that he was now soaked with orange punch.
I don't think Damon realised what he had done, but Lisa did. She gave him an awkward smile and mouthed 'sorry'.
After that Drew withdrew to the RV to get changed. When he didn't re-emerge, Lisa asked me to check on him. I found him in his underwear with a rueful smile.
“I don't have any other clothes to change into. Can you apologise to Lisa, but I can't go back out there in my underwear.”
I laughed. “Give me your stained clothes to show her.”
I took the clothes and used them as a prop to explain to Lisa that Drew couldn't wear them.
“The rest of his clothes are with the laundry, so until tomorrow or these are clean, Drew is in his underwear.”
Aaron was standing close by. “I have some dry cleaning that I haven't sent out yet. Give them to me and I should be able to get them back to you tomorrow morning.”
I thought about it a second. If I gave him Drew's clothes, he really would be without anything to wear. Then I had a naughty thought.
I smiled at my thoughts and passed the clothes over to Aaron.
I called out to Ellie and Sarah and we all retired. I coralled us all into the bedroom.
“We need to be quiet, apparently our walls are paper thin and everyone knew what we were doing last night,” I mentioned with a rueful smile.
Sarah snickered, completely unashamed. Ellie blushed and Drew didn't know what to do with himself.
“We are in a bit of a predicament and have a couple of choices ahead of us,” I said.
“What predicament?” Ellie asked.
“Drew has no clothes. The majority are with the laundry service and won't be returned until we reach our next location and what he was wearing tonight is with a dry cleaning service,” I explained.
“Can't we just go out tomorrow and buy him some new ones?” Sarah asked.
“That is one of the options. Depending on what Drew wants, this could also be an opportunity. The only clothes of ours that will fit him are dresses or skirts, so our options are, have Drew hide in the RV in his underwear, leave him in the RV and go and get him some clothes or...”
“Or...?” Sarah had already twigged, I could tell by her smile, but Ellie was not sure what I was alluding to and wanted me to spell it out.
“We could spend the day with Gabi. No one here needs to know. I believe we can make Gabi very passable and it could be fun. Then we arrive an hour or so before the concert starts, pick up the laundry and everything goes back to normal,” I suggested, looking at Drew carefully, to see how he would react.
“I'm not sure,” Drew responded with a very unsure face. Not angry at the suggestion or upset, just anxious.
“Well, none of us are going to force you. This has to be your decision. I think it would be a wonderful opportunity to explore this side of yourself. You said you were enjoying your feminine side. This is a chance to see if you want to take it any further or not. No pressure,” I told Drew as sincerely as possible.
“Rubbish,” said Sarah. “You are making this far too hard. Drew, do you want to make the decision? or would you like me to decide for you? If you trust me, I will chose what I think will be best for you.”
I thought that was being a bit heavy handed. We all knew what Sarah would pick. Then I realised it was a touch of genius. Drew also knew what Sarah would decide, so if he let her decide, he was saying yes without the embarrassment of making what could be seen as a shameful choice.
I could see her strategy working immediately. The troubled look on his face disappeared. “OK, Sarah. I trust you.”
“Let's get you ready for bed, I'll sleep on it and tell you tomorrow morning,” Sarah informed him.
We stripped him down and all of us participated in gluing his silicone pieces on. Then, just because I felt like it, I started stroking him. I was stroking his tummy. I knew he wouldn't be able to feel very well through the silicone so lightly tracing the edges and his sides. Sarah joined by giving feather light kisses around his face and Ellie played with his feet. Gabi started making these cooing sounds that were so sweet.
We had only known each other for days really, but already there was something special between us. My mother met my father as a sort of arranged marriage, but I had spoken to Ellie's parents and Sarah's about romance. They both told me they knew when they had met the right person almost immediately. They just fit together in such a way that they supported each other and made their lives better, brighter, more joi de vivre. I felt that way with the four of us. Not the traditional romance and possibly even harder to find because of that. But just right for us.
Chapter 11
I woke up the next morning a little bit excited in the hopes that Gabi would be joining us. Sarah didn't say anything until we had gathered around for breakfast.
“I've decided that Gabi will be joining us today, so first order of the day is to get her ready. After we have finished breakfast we will need to go through some clothes and see what we can find that will fit her,” Sarah stated in a firm voice.
I was opposite Gabi so I could see her reaction. She took a deep breath, but otherwise seemed calm. We all ate with more enthusiasm than usual, eager to get on with the next step. When I had first proposed transforming Drew to Gabi it was to only be at night, so besides the breasts and the false vagina, we only had a wig and nightwear. No panties or bras and I had chosen the larger size breasts, so my bras were the only ones with a similar cup size, but I was much smaller in the chest. We were going to need to go shopping to buy women's underwear. In the meantime, we found a T-shirt of Sarah's that had support built in and Ellie had some panties still in a packet. I had a skirt with lots of stretch that would have to do until we found something better.
After getting dressed we spent time carefully applying makeup and getting the wig firmly attached and looking right. Gabi's body with the appliances passed very well as female. She had relatively small hands and feet, with no visible Adam's apple. There was something about the face that gave the game away. Gabi's face wasn't particularly masculine, but a combination of the dark shadow still present after a close shave, a largish nose and thick bushy eyebrows made the face come across as male.
We had to be careful with the eyebrow hair as removing it was going to be noticeable for weeks, so we plucked only enough to tidy rather than shape and thin it a little. We looked up on youtube some videos of how to de-emphasise the nose with makeup and even how to hide the five O'clock shadow. The end result was completely passable. I thought to myself that if Gabi was ever to become permanent all it would take was a nose job and hair removal. She didn't have much in the way of hips, but I've seen women with less and if she went on hormones that would soon change.
I thought it would be too much to go into a shop and ask a shop assistant to get Gabi measured for a bra, so I looked up what measurements were required for which size so we could chose a few different bras of similar sizes and she could try them on.
The whole trip went pretty smoothly. At the mall we kept Gabi in the middle of us. When we went to the toilet we pulled her in with us. Sarah was firm with her choices, we helped her, of course, but it seemed to relieve Gabi's stress to have someone else make the decisions. We didn't get her a lot of clothes, just a couple of bras that fit, a pack of panties in her size, a skirt that fit and a couple of colourful tops that went with it. One pair of flats completed the outfit and that was all we were aiming for.
We had lunch in a restaurant at the mall and then started our drive to our tour destination. Again we were directed to park with The Bleeding Heart Boys band RV's. Gabi went into the bathroom and took everything off. We helped make sure all the makeup was off and the wig was removed. Drew was back with us.
The laundry had arrived and was waiting for us. It was only when we opened it up and went through it that we realised we had a problem. There were no male clothes. An issue, but Aaron should have Drew's other clothes back from the dry cleaner, so I knocked on his door. He apologised, but said none of the clothes were back from the dry cleaner.
We didn't have a lot of time to get ready if we wanted to go to the show. We gathered around the table for another conference as I explained that Drew still didn't have any male clothes. We could have bought some today, but Drew was dressed as Gabi and there didn't seem to be a need. So what were we going to do? I suggested that we didn't need to go to the show that night. We had seen it multiple times and would see it many times more yet. Drew was adamant though that we didn't miss a show just because he didn't have any clothes. At worst he would just stay in the RV waiting for our return. He asked me to explain it to Lisa as he didn't want her or Bonny or Chloe knocking on the door later.
I knocked on Lisa's door. She opened the door with a crying Mia on her hip.
“Oh, thank goodness. Drew is back, could he come over and help me calm down Mia,” Lisa shouted so that I could hear her over the very loud baby.
“He still hasn't got any clothes,” I shouted back.
“What? I don't care what he is wearing, just please bring him over. Please. And hurry.”
I rushed back. I didn't have much experience with babies, but that was one unhappy child.
In the meantime Drew had put the cream skirt, lilac coloured top and flats back on. He didn't have anything glued on and without the makeup he looked like a guy dressed in girls clothes.
“Drew, Lisa is panicking because Mia is crying and she can't work out why. She is pleading with me to bring you over,” I told him.
I don't think Drew even considered what he was wearing. He was up and out the door almost instantly, hurrying over to Lisa.
I explained to Ellie and Sarah what had happened, so we all went over to give Drew some support. I knocked again on Lisa's door, which opened to a much calmer scene. Drew was holding Mia over his shoulder, sweet talking her and rubbing her gently.
“It was wind again,” Lisa explained. “I thought it was, but after trying to burp her for five minutes and not getting anywhere I tried breast feeding again and she just got worse.” She shook her head in wonder at Drew's ability with babies. “If you ever have children, Drew will make one hell of a father.”
“I know. He is so caring. What I came round to tell you is that his laundry clothes have gone missing and Aaron hasn't had his dry cleaning back, so Drew is without clothes again. He was going to stay in our RV as he didn't want you to see him in our clothes,” I told her.
“That is weird, all our stuff came back fine. I don't care what he is wearing and I don't think Bonny or Chloe would care either. The boys on the other hand might say something. Could you ask Chloe and Bonny to come visit and I will ask them to speak to their fellas. I'll speak to Damon and get him to speak to Aaron. Drew is going through enough at the moment, he doesn't need any more upset. Leave him in my hands girls. I'll look after him.”
Ellie and Sarah went to get Bonny and Chloe while I checked with Drew to make sure he was and would be alright. He was still dealing with Mia, but gave me a nod and a smile.
Lisa's POV
I explained the situation to Damon, Chloe and Bonny, and sent them off to make sure no one would say anything to upset Drew. Drew's girls went back to their RV to get ready for the concert, while Drew helped me with Mia. He was amazing with her, but I couldn't help but think he was acting a bit feminine. He kept his voice soft and sweet. His face expressed this tenderness as he looked at Mia and he would occasionally stroke a finger across her forehead or down a cheek, as if he couldn't stop himself. And Mia was lapping it up and showing it by making sounds of contentment.
Drew's girls stopped by to check on him and give him a kiss before they went to the concert. By this time Mia had fallen asleep, so he was able to put her down, albeit reluctantly, and give them proper kisses back. Initially Aaron gave the impression that it was a sham relationship, but we all heard their lovemaking and their concern and love was obvious.
Normally Chloe and Bonny wouldn't join me until the boys needed to head over for their part of the show, but today they came round after they had made sure Drew wouldn't be hassled.
“Drew,” Bonny said, to get his attention.
“Yes?”
“We all know that you don't normally dress in women's clothing and it is only circumstance that is forcing you today,” Bonny continued.
“Yes? And?” he asked curiously.
“Well, you said your girls are like the alphas and you are like the omega. I was wondering if they would quite like to see you like this and if you wanted, we could help you.”
“I don't understand,” he replied, puzzled.
“If you wanted, and only if you wanted, we could do a mini make over. I'm great with makeup and Chloe is really good with hair. We could put a couple of socks in a bra, paint your nails that sort of thing. We would have fun doing it and I think your girlfriends would love it,” Bonny suggested.
“I'm not sure that is a good idea,” Drew responded, sounding a bit lost.
“OK, answer me this. Would your girlfriends like you all girlified?” Bonny pressed.
I wasn't sure if I should step in and stop this. Bonny had done this to her brother a couple of times for Halloween and a fancy dress party. She had told us all about it and how much fun she had doing it. I had promised Drew's girlfriends that I would look out for him and I took that responsibility seriously. I didn't want anything to happen to Drew that would hurt him.
Before I could step in, Drew's confusion seemed to clear up and he smiled. “I know they would love it,” he said softly.
The crew were setting up the table and chairs outside and we didn't want to expose Drew to the crew so we sorted out the bra and filling while that was happening. One of my maternity bras was manageable, but a couple of socks didn't nearly fill it. Bonny suggested filling a pair of tights with rice, so we did that and that looked quite good. The rest of what Drew was wearing was fine, so Chloe went to collect her hair stuff and Bonny retrieved her makeup. We decided the nail polish we would do outside, because of the smell, after the crew had left.
Drew was pretty closely shaven already and I noticed a lack of hair elsewhere, but thought it best not to comment. With a good helping of styling cream and a few bobby pins Chloe managed to create a funky girl hairstyle. Bonny then started on the makeup. At the end, Drew looked fantastic. Only his eyebrows let him down, so we persuaded him that a bit of plucking would be alright. It looked neat enough and not too bushy, but there was no shape to it, so I worked on that and then we went outside. Bonny gave him a proper manicure while Chloe and I debated the different colours. We decided on a light pink.
Chloe and Bonny went back to their RV's to give their beau's a good luck kiss before they had to go off to the show. I was sitting with Drew as he held his hands out waiting for the polish to dry when Aaron came back with Damon. I saw an ugly expression cross Aaron's face and dreaded what was to come and he didn't disappoint.
“Your parents must be so proud,” Aaron said with a sneer.
I heard a gasp of anguish from Drew, before he was up and away.
I shouted to Damon to look after Mia as I tried to follow, but even that delay was enough. I couldn't see Drew anywhere.
Chapter 12 Buffy's POV
High Notes had just about finished their set when Trish came to us and asked us to follow her.
“What's wrong?” I asked her.
“Lisa has asked me to get you. Drew has disappeared.”
“What happened?”
“Lisa will tell you, I don't know.”
We rushed back to find a frantic Lisa, holding a crying Mia.
“What happened?” I repeated, this time to Lisa.
“I'm so sorry. We thought it would be alright, but then Aaron was an idiot and Drew ran away and I tried to follow, but he disappeared.”
“Slow down, Lisa. We need to know, what happened?” I said speaking slowly although my heart was racing.
“We thought it would be fun if you came back to a properly made up Drew, so we did hair, makeup and nails, and he looked great.”
“Then what?” I urged.
“Then Aaron came back and ruined everything. He said something about Drew's parents being proud and I could feel Drew's heart breaking. I tried to follow him, but he was too fast.”
“What about his phone?” I asked.
Lisa just pointed to where it was sitting on the table.
“Which direction did he go?” Sarah asked.
Lisa gestured in a direction and we all started searching. We split up when we weren't sure of the direction but we all had phones so we could communicate if need be. Our RV along with The Bleeding Heart Boys RV's were a little isolated from the other RV's but there were still lots of other vehicles relating to the tour, so I could see how he could duck out of sight very quickly. Once you got past all the trailers and cars there was a field with grass about knee high.
After we had searched for a couple of hours amongst all the different parked bits, we met back up at our RV. My conclusion was that he was likely in the grass somewhere, but it was a big field. Lisa spoke to some security guys who were reluctant to take it seriously. It was hard enough trying to explain that it was a guy, dressed as a woman, to then explain that he was fragile emotionally after losing all his family and that he had nothing on him. No phone, no wallet, nothing. Him not coming back, meant he was either lost, injured or curled up in a ball somewhere. It was dark now and Lisa managed to convince some security guys with torches to help search the field with us. Lisa was staying behind with Mia, trying to co-ordinate efforts and be available if Drew returned. Bonny and Chloe were searching with us. Aaron and the boys would be in the after party for another hour.
One of the security guys, Mike, organised us to stand in a row a couple of yards apart and start to slowly walk through the field, looking for clues. I was on the left hand side with Ellie and Sarah on my right, then there were three security guys, followed by Bonny and Chloe. Once the after party finished we would have access to more manpower.
We had probably moved about one hundred yards into the field when Chloe shouted that she could see something. As per Mike's instructions, none us moved while he went to check it out. Chloe told the rest of us that she could see an area of flattened grass on the edge of the torches reach. Mike followed the line she was indicating with her torch and then went a bit further still. He then called out the names of the two other securities guys, who rushed over.
I couldn't take it any more and followed in their wake with Ellie and Sarah. Mike told one of them to stop us coming closer and ask us to phone an ambulance. I tried to push past him.
“You'll ruin the evidence. You have to stand back. Everything that can be done is being done.”
“I need to see,” I cried.
“You need to phone the ambulance,” he asked me again.
I could hear Sarah on the phone to the emergency services and she started shouting questions that were being asked from her and Mike shouted back answers. So I knew that Drew was unconscious, but breathing on his own. Most of his clothes had been torn off him and he had both head and groin injuries. Mike asked whether he should put Drew in the recovery position with someone stabalising the head in case of a neck injury. The response was to not move him as long as his breathing was clear. Mike had the other security guy take pictures, which could only be seen as flashes.
I hugged Ellie and Sarah, who stayed on the phone. Both police and ambulance were on their way and would be there very shortly as they already had a presence at the venue. We saw them arriving with the flashing lights. The ambulance had priority and Drew was quickly loaded up and whisked away. Sarah got to go with him as her mother had legal guardianship which made her the equivalent of a stepsister. We wanted to go as well, but the police needed statements.
It seemed to take forever before the police were willing to let us go. Lisa had organised our transport and as soon as we could we went to the hospital. All of us, Lisa with Mia, Bonny, Chloe, Ellie, myself and The Bleeding Heart Boys. In the meantime we were in communication with Sarah but there wasn't much she could initially tell us.
She told us that they thought it was a rape gone wrong. When they realised Drew wasn't female, they beat him up, spread his legs and pulverised his groin. The priority was his head injury and concussion. Imaging was being done for both head and groin so they could try to work out how serious the head injury was and if they could save anything from the groin and what the options were if not. Sarah's mother, Sandra, was flying down and would be there in a couple of hours as she would have to sign off on any decisions.
Lisa was furious at Aaron and pretty much chased him out of the room whenever he showed his face. He seemed very apologetic, but he was largely responsible for causing Drew's meltdown, which put Drew at serious risk. I didn't blame Lisa, Bonny or Chloe. They explained what had happened after we had left him in their care. I suspect it was the thought of pleasing us that drove him to accept their help feminising him. When Drew left after Aaron's comment, he probably wasn't as aware as girls are pretty much taught from birth, to be wary of strange men. The idea of rape probably never occurred to him.
I didn't bother calling my parents, but Ellie called hers and we all had a mini session with her mother offering her words of wisdom. When we knew more, Ellie's father offered to translate any doctor speak regarding procedures. The problem was that none of us were related to Drew so information about his case was difficult to get. Sarah was given brief updates as the closest thing to a relative Drew had, but the hospital had to be careful that they didn't break confidentiality rules.
Once Sandra arrived, we obtained a much clearer picture. After having spoken to the doctor, she gathered Ellie, Sarah and I into a small room to talk to us directly.
“The story of how we got to this point is important, but is not the issue right now. The doctors have asked me to make some decisions on Drew's behalf and I need your input to help me make the best ones. Let me go over his injuries and the choices we have. The head injury has caused some swelling but not enough to produce significant pressure on the brain, so that is a monitor, but leave alone. It is the cause of the coma, but they believe that will naturally resolve itself although they couldn't tell me when. There is extensive bruising of the face, but only the nose is broken. It will require surgery, which can happen immediately or at a later date depending on how well he is doing.
“On to his groin. They have already removed his testicles and the imaging of the penis shows a crush injury or maybe I should say, multiple crush injuries. With surgery they may be able to save some of it, but it will never function again as anything other than a urethra. So essentially there are choices. Option one, give Drew prosthetic testicles and try and save the appearance of a penis, or option two, go for sexual reassignment surgery. In both cases he will be sterile. As a male he will be sexually impotent, but as a female he could be sexually active. Option three, repair what can be repaired and then give Drew the option of SRS. They have informed me that psychologically there is a higher risk of suicide for option one or option three and that he was found wearing women's clothes. Could one of you please explain why he was wearing those clothes?”
Sarah and Ellie both looked to me, so I knew it was up to me. “I will explain why, but I will say that I think that answer is less important than the question of Drew's true gender. I believe as do we all, that Drew is transgender, but hasn't realised it yet.”
“Explain both please.”
“When we first met Drew something just didn't seem right about him. He was obviously emotionally upset having just learnt about the fate of his family. He was nice, gentle, submissive and Sarah allowed him to hug her.” Sandra looked at Sarah in surprise. “Suddenly the thought popped in my head that if I ignored the outside packaging what I was seeing was female. I gave Drew a gender questionnaire, calling it a cosmo quiz and he tested as more female than Sarah and me. Ellie phoned her mum and asked what we should do, hypothetically speaking of course and she advised us to do nothing until Drew came out of the closet,” I continued.
“So it that why he was wearing girl clothes, he has come out of the closet?”
“No. In order for Sarah to feel comfortable at night, we asked Drew if he minded dressing female at night. He has been doing that ever since the first night and has admitted that he enjoyed feeling feminine. Yesterday Damon accidentally spilled his drink on Drew and the rest of Drew's clothes were already given to the laundry company employed by the tour, so Drew had nothing to wear. We offered Drew the opportunity to spend the day en femme.”
“I think I need to add something here,” Sarah said, interrupting me. “It also is very relevant to your options as well. Drew is still dealing with a lot of grief. He has willingly given himself over into our hands and is enjoying following our lead. He is submissive by nature and prefers that role. Forcing him to make difficult decisions was stressing him out and I realised when we gave him the opportunity to present as Gabi, that's what we call her when she is presenting as female, that opportunity was making him anxious. So I rephrased it. I asked him to let me decide for him. He knew what I would decide. I've told him my history and I am the reason he is dressing as a girl at night. So if he let me decide for him, he was essentially saying yes.”
“It worked. As soon as she suggested that, I could see him relax,” I confirmed.
“And that is why he was wearing female clothing?”
“No. We wanted to gently ease him in and see how he felt about it. We had a great time with Gabi, shopping, having lunch and generally having fun. When we arrived we expected to get the laundry and for Drew to return. We haven't worked out why yet, but our laundry did not include any of Drew's clothes and the clothes that were dirtied by Damon, they were supposed to be dry cleaned and ready by this morning, but they are missing as well,” I explained.
“That sounds a bit suspicious,” Sandra commented.
“I agree and intended to chase it up tomorrow, but right at that point we had to decide what to do. I suggested we scrap the concert for the night, but Drew was dead set against that. I'm not sure if we have mentioned this, but Drew is really good with babies, so when Lisa was having a crisis with Mia, Drew forgot that he was wearing a skirt and rushed to help. Lisa was grateful and promised to look after Drew while we went to the show. She also asked everyone to be sensitive towards Drew's feelings. She knows nothing about Drew becoming Gabi, she just knew about the clothing disaster and the loss of his family. That is the reason Drew was in those clothes.”
Sandra sighed. “Alright, of all the people who know Drew, you three know him best. Honest opinion, option one, two or three. You first Buffy.”
“SRS. He is going to be devastated when he knows he can't have children of his own. As a pseudo male I think his self-esteem would be zero and I don't think he will like the thought of his future. Besides all that, I am convinced that he is really a girl and it may take him some time, but he will eventually be a lot happier as a girl.”
“Ellie?”
“If it was me I would prefer to have the choice, but I don't think that would be good for Drew right now. SRS.”
“If you give Drew the choice it would stress him out and I think he would make a decision based on making other people happy, whether it is us or his dead family, not himself, it's just who he is. Definitely SRS and no choice about it,” Sarah said very firmly.
“Well, the choice is mine and the responsibility is mine also. Based on what you have all said I am going to chose SRS, now I have to find out how it is going to be paid for. His travel insurance won't cover all of that. That is not for you to worry about. Thank you for your help, I need to go and find the doctor,” Sandra concluded.
Chapter 13
Sandra disappeared on her hunt for the doctor and Lisa jumped on us for information.
“Tell me, tell me, tell me!” Lisa exclaimed.
“Let's get back to the waiting room, I only want to say it once,” I told her.
She hurried me to the room where everyone was waiting, even Aaron was sitting in one corner.
“Alright, we have the head injury and the groin injury. The head injury is a combination of concussion with mild swelling that has resulted in a coma but should naturally resolve, and facial trauma. The nose is badly broken which will require surgery and there is significant bruising. The biggest issue is the groin damage. It is severe and I think they have decided that the only recourse is sexual reassignment surgery. That is still under debate as is how it is going to be paid for.”
“I will pay for it.” Both Aaron and Lisa said at the same time.
“SRS? They are going to make Drew into a girl?” Bonny asked.
“The damage was extensive so there is no possibility of Drew remaining a functioning male,” I answered trying to remain as clinical as possible when all I really wanted to do was curl up and cry.
“Poor Drew,” Chloe said sadly.
“No, not poor Drew,” Sarah said fiercely. “If we treat it that way it will be depressing for him and us. Drew will make a wonderful girl and we need to help him transition. Teach him all the good things about being female.”
“This is my fault, anything he needs, I will pay for,” Aaron said and left to presumably sort that out.
“I feel responsible, you left him in my care, but I'm not going to argue about Aaron paying,” Lisa said. “I've decided, I am going to stay to help Drew as much as I can. Damon can bunk with Aaron and I will rejoin the tour later.”
Bonny and Chloe went to speak to their boyfriends and then came back. “Is there room in your RV for us?” Bonny asked Lisa. “I wouldn't feel right continuing without helping.”
“Well, right now there is nothing we can do. The three of us are going to set up a rotation so there is always one of us close by. If you give us your numbers, we will update you with anything we find,” I told everyone.
“You will need to move your RV's tomorrow. I will organise your new location and hire a car you can use to go back and forth to the hospital,” Trish told us. “I will be continuing with the tour, but I will help organise the logistics whenever you need me to.”
“Thanks, Trish,” I responded.
I stayed behind while everyone went back to the venue. Sarah and Ellie didn't want to go, they agreed with the idea of a rotation and I won rock paper scissors. Likewise, eight hours later, I didn't want to leave.
The next three days passed in a horrific blur. I slept poorly and when I was awake I struggled to concentrate. I rarely went to hospital alone, Bonny, Chloe or Lisa would usually accompany me. Sandra had to return home the next day, but arranged with the hospital to give me, Ellie or Sarah any updates and she was available when necessary. The surgery was carried out first thing the next morning and included both SRS and the nose job. Both went well, but Drew remained in a coma. Further images showed the cranial pressure had gone down, which meant they weren't worried about brain damage and expected him or her I now have to say, to wake up naturally.
Much of her face was bandaged, partially for the nose job and partially to help compression reduce the swelling. Her groin was originally bandaged, but at some point when I wasn't present, they were removed, leaving a catheter in. Periodically a nurse would usher us out so that they could do dilations. Dilations I found out was a way of preventing Drew's new vagina from closing up. She would need to have a medically appropriate dildo inserted regularly which was called dilation. Aaron was true to his word and arranged for the best care. Drew was in a private room and the care, I have to say, was excellent.
On the second day an older couple arrived and introduced themselves. They were Aaron's parents. Aaron had confessed his part in the whole affair and they felt strongly that he needed to be held accountable and since he was temporarily unavailable because of the tour, they, as his parents, were taking on his responsibility. They admitted that Aaron was behind Drew's missing clothes and what had been said to upset Drew was pure spitefulness.
They were in contact with Sandra, willing to take on Drew as a foster child or even adopt her. There was a fair amount of red tape involved as Drew was British. Sandra as a judge and her husband as a lawyer were going to help with all that.
Drew had managed to scratch at least one of his attackers. The police had taken the DNA evidence and the tour, under Trish's management required all employee's to give a DNA sample. Three roadies refused and were now under police investigation. The police were hoping that Drew would be able to identify his attackers when he awoke.
On the third day, I felt Drew squeeze my hand and look about briefly before dropping off again. I told everyone and a couple of hours later, when Drew properly awoke, Sarah and Ellie were with me.
Drew smiled at us and then seemed to wince. The nurse called the doctor and gave Drew sips of water. The doctor checked her over without the full examination and called the police in. The last thing Drew remembered was Bonny doing her makeup. So not much help, but the doctor said that was relatively normal and she could remember more later.
Once the police were gone, the doctor had to explain to Drew what had happened. She took it all in with a calm passive face, nodding appropriately to say she understood. It was only when the doctor had left and we gave her a group cuddle that she broke down crying. The doctor recommended three further days in hospital. The catheter was removed and Drew needed to show that she was able to walk around and use the toilet on her own. She was in pain, but refused further pain relief. Drew has something against pain killers. As I suspected it was the idea that she couldn't have children that upset her the most.
Drew admitted that she would need some time to come to terms with it all, but wanted to look to the future, and in that vein wanted to be called Gabi. Privately she admitted that she had very fond associations with being Gabi. She asked how I came up with the name and I admitted that it was from a story I had read where a boy called Drew found out that he was intersexed and was really a girl. Gaby was the name that boy chose with her transformation. I then had to reveal my thoughts about her being transgender and the questionnaire that I had done. I think that might have helped as Gabi said maybe it was fate and meant to be.
Drew had lost his family, had most of his possessions stolen and ended up being assaulted. Gabi on the other hand, had made wonderful friendly connections, fallen in love and was constantly being supported and looked after. I can't believe she was the first to say she was in love. I couldn't help asking who she was in love with and she told us all, with the sweetest smile that never belonged on a boy, that she loved all of us. I was the next to admit the same, but Sarah and Ellie were close behind.
Lisa, Bonny and Chloe all cheered her up and promised to help introduce her to womanhood. Mia was both a blessing and a curse. Gabi couldn't help fussing over her, but Mia also reminded her of what she couldn't have.
We introduced Gabi to Aaron's parents, Derek and Susan. They promised to help Gabi with the adult responsibilities that she shouldn't have to deal with, and be there if she ever needed them. Gabi agreed to their offer, so, with the help of Sandra her adoption was in process. They would sort out the mess of Gabi's inheritance, they just needed to know whether Gabi wanted to remain in the states or return to Britain. Gabi decided that she had nothing in Britain to return to, so Derek would organise all the possessions in the houses to be boxed up and stored to be gone through at a later date. All properties would be sold and mortgages paid off. There would be some money from the travel insurance, but not a significant sum. That would go into an account for day to day expenses and the rest would be invested. At some point Gabi was going to have to decide about her university place, but since she was having a gap year there was no rush to it.
The bandages came off her face and it looked a mess. Two black eyes, a bruise on the right cheek and the whole nose area was black and blue. There was facial hair, but we were told to not shave it, to make permanent removal easier. The nose was also too tender to even attempt makeup. Drew was able to move about without too much pain, so the hospital was ready to discharge her. We had to make some plans.
We met as a group to decide what we were going to do next. Derek and Susan offered Gabi a place to stay, but she wanted to stay with us. Lisa, Chloe and Bonny needed to get back on the tour as they were missing their fellas. Gabi asked if we could go back to the tour as well, then she would have all her friends around her. She still wanted to go to the memorial that was scheduled in two weeks, so we decided that we would mostly follow the tour, with a diversion to New York to be there for the memorial.
Medically speaking Gabi would need a check up in about a month, but she had the dilations that needed to be done every day and was now on female hormones. We also would be working on permanent hair removal, which could be done at any of the locations if we booked in advance. We phoned Trish and she helped us work out a route to join the tour and organised a driver for Lisa's RV. She initially booked some hair removal sessions, but phoned back later and told us that Aaron was hiring a beauty therapist to accompany the tour. Gabi had wanted discreet locations because she was frightened of going out in public looking battered and bruised, with obvious facial hair. This way it could all be done in private.
The beauty therapist would be tasked with hair removal, makeup tutoring and hair styling. In addition there would be a voice therapist who would teach Gabi to sound female. Aaron had offered to hire a psychologist to give Gabi sessions, but Gabi was happy speaking on the phone with Ellie's mother. Aaron also promised that if Gabi wanted any more feminising surgery he would pay for it.
Chapter 14
Gabi still had no memory of the attack, but her nightmares showed that it was in there somewhere. Now that we were sleeping together again, we could catch it early and gently wake her and reassure her. Aaron had hired a private investigator who had provided evidence to the police of DNA from each of the roadies who had refused to give a sample. It was all done legally by picking up drink glasses that had been left behind and using photography to prove who had been drinking from them. Two of the roadies came back as a positive match and was enough evidence to search the third guy's clothes which found Gabi's DNA on a pair of shoes. Unless Gabi's memory changed, she wasn't required for any trial.
We caught up with the tour at St Louis with the concert due the next night. We babysat Mia to give Lisa an opportunity to reconnect with Damon. Mostly that involved watching Gabi doing all the work, not that she minded. She made such a natural mother that it made my heart ache with the knowledge that she would never be able to have one of her own. I made the decision that if she was willing, and I could get the others to agree, I would have a child for her to mother. Probably not until I had finished college, but soon after.
Because of my inheritance, finding a job was never that important to me, so I had no worries about having a child interfering with my career. Sarah wanted to be a lawyer like her father and Ellie had decided to follow her mother's career path. How that would work with having children, we would have to decide later. Sarah had never expressed an interest in having children and Ellie was worried that she wouldn't be able to emotionally connect, so, despite wanting children, had told us that it wasn't in the cards. Maybe she could change her mind if she knew Gabi would be helping to bring them up and offer them the benefit of her huge heart.
Most of Drew's clothes had been returned to us by Aaron, but were not that useful now. We kept a pair of trousers and a smart shirt as Gabi would have to pass through the Canadian border before all the new documentation was complete, using her old passport. Besides nightwear, the only clothes that we had bought for Gabi had been damaged in the attack and I don't think any of us could think of putting her in anything that reminded us of that night.
So we needed to go shopping, at the same time, Gabi refused to accompany us, because of her battered appearance. Lisa, Bonny and Chloe wanted to help as well, so we went out in teams, using her measurements and brought them back for Gabi to try with brief fashion shows. We steered her towards the more feminine style with lots of sundresses and skirts. We kept her decision making to a minimum by asking her to tell us only of the items she didn't like. We would discard a lot as getting six girls to agree on what looks good is harder than herding cats, but we still ended up with a good start.
Something about the process may have put pressure on her self image issues as I heard her discussing feminisation surgeries with Ellie later. Aaron had promised to pay for them and I think Gabi was still a bit angry at him, so was willing to spend his money quite happily. They then spent time researching on the internet and chatting to Ellie's father.
When it came time to get ready for the show I was unsure whether we should all go or if one of us should remain with Gabi, but Gabi didn't want any of us to miss out and pushed us all to go. She told me she felt fine spending time with Lisa and the girls. She also promised me that if she got upset and felt the need to run away, she would run straight to the RV and lock herself in. In some way I was glad because it meant I could have a chat with Ellie and Sarah about her. I was curious about the result of her discussion with Ellie and Ellie's father and Sarah was in charge of helping her with her dilations and I wanted to know how that was going.
Once we left and before I could start the discussion, Sarah beat me to the punch, by airing her concerns.
“Are we forcing Gabi to be too submissive?” she asked.
“What are you worried about?” Ellie quizzed.
“I'm loving our little family. That's sort of how I see it now. Like we have left home and started our own family, just the four of us,” Sarah continued.
“I know what you mean. I have never felt so loved,” I admitted.
“That's not quite what I mean. I know my parents still love me, but I am not a child anymore. At some point every child has to leave the nest, so to speak. Even though I now consider myself an adult it wasn't until Gabi bound us together somehow, that I felt a sort of, us and them feeling. Like we have something precious that I would stand up against the world to protect and yet, for some reason I am now worried about losing it.”
“And you are worried that if we make Gabi too submissive, we might lose her?” Ellie asked, trying to work out Sarah's fears.
“Yes,” Sarah said with a sigh.
“There is so much wrong with those thoughts I almost don't know where to begin.” Ellie stopped us so that we were facing each other. “I think we can all agree that we now have something special. Something better than I ever thought I would find in my life. That didn't happen between the three of us and this relationship isn't really about all four of us. It is us and Gabi or Gabi and us. Without her we fall apart. It is her love and want to please that everything depends on. And yes she is submissive, but that doesn't make her weak.
“Sarah,” Ellie continued, “look me in the eyes, you need to hear this. Gabi is not Tina. Tina, despite the games she played with you was never emotionally involved. She was always looking for her next fix. When you were unavailable, she had no problems going elsewhere, because she was not in love with you. I don't think she even realised that you would be hurt by her actions. She wanted to be a toy, not a lover.”
Tina was Sarah's ex and I think Ellie covered it pretty well. She was addicted to pain and submission and didn't care who provided it. Sarah thought she was in a relationship, but it was entirely one sided and always headed for disaster.
“But Gabi does whatever we tell her to,” Sarah almost complained, which was hypocritical considering that was exactly what she wanted Gabi to do.
“No, she doesn't,” I answered. “I thought it would be better if one of us stayed behind with her and she argued with us very firmly and it's not the first time.”
“Gabi wants to please the people she cares for. When we concentrate on her she needs reassurance that it pleases us to do so. She loves us and is happy to do what we ask of her as she knows it gives us joy. Notice though, she is not a doormat and will stand up for herself if we go against her rules,” Ellie explained.
“Her rules?” Sarah asked confused.
“When we first met her, when she was still pretending to be Drew. She told us, that she didn't want pain or humiliation. Originally I would say she was happy to suffer some discomfort if it made one of us more comfortable, now I suspect she would do much, if she thought it made us happy and we are probably going to have to watch for that. She is submissive but that doesn't mean she is inferior or lesser in any way. In fact she is the one in power. If you think about it, one word from her and we would all back off. Can any of you imagine doing something to deliberately hurt her? and then imagine what we would do to prevent her from getting hurt,” Ellie continued.
“Happy wife, happy life,” I commented. She was right, the thought of hurting her was abhorrent. When she was happy, we were happy and when she wasn't, life was horrible.
“And Gabi is the wife,” Sarah stated.
“Yes, and I'll tell you why your fears are groundless. She wouldn't do anything that she thought would upset us. That is the opposite of who she is. She loves us and that is that,” Ellie concluded.
I hoped that put Sarah's fears to rest. Now to change the subject. “Sarah I wanted to ask how the dilation was going?” We had agreed between us that we needed to help Gabi as much as possible and Sarah was the best person to monitor this. We started walking towards our entrance for the concert again.
“Three times a day seems to be sufficient. We are definitely making progress and it has already gone from painful to discomfort,” she reported.
“That was something I wanted to discuss with you guys. I have been doing research and it is a lot better than it used to be, partially because the techniques that are used in SRS have improved greatly although the name they use seems to change by the week, but there are reports of post surgical women who never enjoy sex afterwards. Now I was wondering if dilation might be part of the cause,” Ellie told us.
“What do you mean?” Sarah asked.
“Well, dilation, especially in the early stages is quite painful, so the mind might start associating penetration with pain rather than pleasure. Imagine remembering significant pain whenever someone touches you intimately. It could be a real turn off.”
“And your solution?” I asked her.
“Obviously we want dilation to be a pleasurable experience. I thought we could triple team her, treating her like a virgin queen. You know work her up slowly and then only start the dilation when she is excited, go slowly so it doesn't stop her enjoyment. Sarah you will have to be very careful, watching her intently to make sure you are pacing it right without getting carried away.”
“I can do that,” Sarah answered with a big grin.
I think my grin was pretty wide as well. We would have to pamper our queen three times a day for months, it made sense to make it fun and this was definitely going to be fun.
Chapter 15
We didn't get the chance to talk again until we were walking back to the RV after the after party. We said our usual goodbyes to Noah and his band friends and then allowed The Bleeding Heart Boys to get enough ahead of us so that they couldn't hear our conversation. I was orchestrating that manoeuvre, so Ellie and Sarah were waiting for me to start the talk.
“Ellie, I couldn't help but overhear you talking to Gabi about further feminisation surgery. Does she have issues with the way she looks?” I asked.
“To be blunt, yes,” Ellie confirmed. “She doesn't want to wear the breast forms because Lisa, Bonny and Chloe don't know about them and we are trying to get her to wear the most feminine clothes available. That only emphasises her lack of curves, as does our desire to see her looking as feminine as possible. It doesn't help that her face is all battered and bruised.”
“How do we solve this?” Sarah asked.
“A lot of it does not need action, just time. In time, her face will settle down and now that her nose has been worked on, her face will easily pass. Hormones will have a chance to soften her face further and potentially give her the curves she desires.”
“And she wants all that? She is not fighting seventeen years of pretending to be masculine?” I questioned.
“This is my take on it. Gabi is almost overwhelmed emotionally but has found in us, people to trust, believe and love. Her drive now is to make us happy, because when she does, she is happy which makes us happy and the circle continues. She has defined being female and feminine as pleasing us and that is totally our fault. The more she behaves that way the more we shower her with affection. We are not trying to do it, it is just how we feel. Considering her present circumstances, maybe it is for the best anyway.”
“So this is just a self-esteem issue?” I asked. “She is happy being feminine, but doesn't see herself as looking right?”
“Yes. It is not a massive problem because we don't see it as one and that comes through. I think once we start our new 'dilation time' worshipping, it should get even better, but there is nothing wrong with looking at the options. My dad has discussed some of the options and is willing to do the work if we want him to. We would have to make some decisions and fit it into our schedule, but that is very doable. I have looked at our tour dates and after Toronto, we have a week before the next show and that coincides with the memorial in New York and another week before the tour reaches New York. So we have a two-week gap with one day in New York for the memorial, where we could schedule any surgery,” Ellie explained.
“What operations was Gabi thinking about?” Sarah asked.
“Well, she would like breast augmentation but I mentioned that one of us might have children at some point and that it was conceivable that she could breastfeed, so she is hesitant to have any work done on her breasts. My dad asked how big her mother was as she will probably end up a little bit smaller than her and also gave a timeline of two to three years for full breast growth.”
“How big was her mother?” I asked. I couldn't help it, I like breasts.
“Gabi didn't know her exact size but said bigger than yours,” Ellie replied looking at me.
“That should make you happy,” Sarah said, smirking at me.
I just smiled. “I guess that means no breast work. We will just stick with the padded bras. What else was she thinking of?”
“One more thing on the breast front. We found research that suggested strong regular sucking on the nipples could speed up the breast growth and possibly increase size with the added bonus of potentially helping with milk production. I thought we could add that to 'dilation time'. Other than that we have the hips, the voice and the face. Since we don't know how the hormones are going to affect her hip curves, but do know that the skeletal structure underneath will be more male, I suggested wearing a corset to train a narrower waist and emphasise the hip curve without surgery. She will have voice training, but it would be easier if the vocal cords were tightened to a more female range, so that and possible face feminising surgery were the only things on the cards. My dad knows of someone who does the whole corset thing, who could advise us on that and the voice op would be no problem. He can't say much about any facial surgery until the trauma has died down a bit, but it is certainly possible.”
“Do you think we should encourage this, or say it doesn't matter to us?” Sarah asked.
“I've asked my mom to discuss it with Gabi on her next session. I figure we will be guided by that. My dad is prepared to schedule the operation anyway with the ability to cancel. If he doesn't do that, it would be hard to make the space.”
“So what are you thinking schedule wise?” I asked.
“We stay on the tour to Toronto, ask Trish to find a driver to take our RV while we fly to San Fran. After any ops and recovery, we fly to New York for the memorial and stay for a week until the tour reaches there and rejoin it. It will also give us the chance to introduce Gabi to our families. What do you think?” Ellie asked, looking to both of us.
“Sounds like a plan,” Sarah said in agreement.
“Anything to make Gabi feel better about herself,” I commented.
Gabi's POV
My girls came back a bit delayed after I had already seen The Bleeding Heart boys return, so I guessed they had been discussing something and that usually meant me. I looked intently at their expressions and all I could see was a relaxed demeanour, so I released the tension I didn't even realise I was holding and smiled at them.
They smiled back and warmth filled me. We stayed chatting in a very casual atmosphere before they subtly indicated that it was time to go and I headed back to the RV with them. I had already had quite a few sessions with the beauty therapist and a good portion of my facial hair was gone. I had asked that she concentrate around my lips first because I wanted to be able to kiss my girls without fear of giving them prickle rashes.
When we returned they told me it was time for my dilation. I usually do that with Sarah helping, but with them all staying and staring at me, I knew something was up. When I was forbidden from wearing my nightie and Sarah attached these leather cuffs on my hands and ankles, I definitely knew they had something planned. The leather cuffs were padded on the inside and so felt quite comfortable and had metal rings attached so I could guess their purpose. She didn't tie me up initially, instead, we were all treated to Ellie giving us a striptease dance, then, while Ellie came over and started gently stroking me, Sarah and Buffy stripped and started kissing passionately, groping each other's bottoms. By the time they were able to pull themselves apart, I was almost panting with desire.
Without telling me what was going on, they moved in concert to tie me, spread-eagled to the bed and begin the most glorious seduction. They ran their hands over me, kissed me gently wherever they felt like it and because I couldn't see it, it always came as a surprise, causing me to gasp, coo and moan.
Once I was suitably worked up Ellie and Buffy started working on my nipples, going from light touches to kisses and eventually to sucking, varying it from gentle suction to quite strong, almost painful. I don't know if it was just my mind influencing my body, but mentally I knew women usually enjoyed having their nipples played with and now I was a girl, presumed I should also get pleasure from it, and I did. OMG, yes.
While this was going on, Sarah released my feet from their constraint, lifted my legs up and started working on my bottom. Buffy and Ellie on either side of me, held one leg each, giving Sarah full access and making me feel delightfully vulnerable. Sarah started caressing around the edges of my rosebud and playing with it. When she felt I was ready I could feel her inserting a finger and my sensation started skyrocketing. I had wondered if I would ever be able to orgasm again and now I could feel myself heading there I had no doubt that would not be a problem, and they weren't even touching my new clitoris.
I was getting very close to the edge when I felt something entering my new opening. So far that had been a far from pleasant experience and even with all that was going on the discomfort caused by that entry backed me off my edge. But Sarah didn't keep moving it; after it was in she kept it still and carried on working on my bottom. My pleasure started increasing again. The suction on my nipples somehow sending sensation currents into my groin and Sarah's finger inside my bottom making me feel naughty, possessed, sensuous and feminine.
I approached my peak again and Sarah started moving the dildo in my vagina. It still felt uncomfortable and dropped me back off my high. Sarah continued somehow working on my bottom and slowly pumping the dildo. Unbelievably, despite the dilation work I started getting more and more excited. It did take a while, but I could feel myself heading towards more and more delicious sensation. Then, it happened, I tripped over and as the pleasure rushed through me, my body seemed to lock up in an all body seizure, that relaxed and then squeezed me over and over again.
Chapter 16 Buffy's POV
The next week was probably the best in my life. The next day my breasts were a little swollen and sore, so I knew my period was due. Since all of us have synchronized our biorhythms, the next few days were going to be interesting. We have a general rule that any arguments that happen at that time of the month, we try to put a pin in it and restart it a week later. Of course, we usually find the topic much more agreeable then.
I did have a swipe of pinkish discharge the day after we started our new dilation time activities and over the next few days I felt a little cramping and a few other spots of pink, but it was the lightest period I had had to date. I did wonder about Ellie and Sarah. Usually, we discuss these topics without restraint, but with Gabi, I thought it might be a reminder that she couldn't have children and since I didn't have anything significant to report I kept quiet.
Dilation time was meant to be a time we concentrated on Gabi. And we did, but by the end of it, especially after she made such sweet sounds and shivers, we were all very horny. Gabi was very eager to return some of our affection and it ended up being some of the sweetest loving that I had ever had.
Normally, I am all for spontaneously starting lovemaking and had never imagined scheduled times. If I was going to think of scheduling a bit of erotica, I never would have aimed as high as three times a day, nor thought it was sustainable. Dilation forced us to try and to our mutual surprise, every time was joyous. Never the same but always wonderful.
Sarah, the owner of a strap on dildo, came up with the idea of a butt plug for Gabi to wear during the day, in the hopes that she could use her device, if Gabi was sufficiently stretched out, so to speak. Ellie wondered if you could do something similar for the vagina, to give a constant presence. Sarah's device had an internal as well as external element, but the internal was a little too large for the size that Gabi was working on. A quick internet shopping trip with a Toronto company and when we arrived a week later we would pick up various sizes.
We only had three other shows in the week leading up to Toronto. One in Kansas, then a day off before Indianapolis, with Grand Rapids the next day. Another day off before two days in Toronto.
I did suggest to Lisa that we move our RV to a more distant spot as I knew we were being loud. Lisa smiled and admitted that our noises were challenging Damon to compete, and she thought it eased some of Aaron's guilt to hear us still having bedroom fun. She also wanted Gabi close for Mia and there were a few times when Gabi was frantically called upon to help calm a tearful Mia.
By the time we had reached Indianapolis, most of Gabi's bruises had faded enough for makeup to cover. By this point, all her facial hair had been removed, and she was getting laser hair removal for the rest of her body. She had already had two sessions and there was a marked improvement. She asked our opinion on pubic hair. If all the hair was gone it made the surgery more obvious, although that would fade with time. We had a group discussion and decided that the pubic hair would go, and she could have a tattoo to hide any scars, if necessary, later. To be honest, we all availed ourselves of the same service as well as permanent hair removal elsewhere.
We also decided that Gabi was going to grow her hair, and found a place in Toronto that was going to add real hair extensions. It would be an expensive and long session, but the end result would be worth it. Tara, the beauty therapist was showing us different styles that could be done with long hair, but since we had to wait until after Toronto before Gabi had the long hair, she concentrated on teaching Gabi makeup. We had Gabi take it off and put it on several times a day, and she was slowly improving.
This also meant we could take her shopping. Baring in mind what Ellie had told us, we made sure to pick dresses that emphasised her curves and told her how feminine she looked. We also took the opportunity to get her ears pierced and buy her some jewellery. Sarah wanted her to get her belly button pierced as well, but we didn't want to overwhelm her, so we left that for another day.
We did buy her some bangles, earrings, although we now had to wait for her ears to heal before she could use them, a cute little ankle chain and necklace. We also got her some three inch heels so that she could practice walking in them. I think there was a general agreement that we loved her wearing heels especially with that ankle chain, so more of that was in her future. We all had mani-pedi's which was a nice group experience.
Since Gabi was going to have the voice box surgery, Aaron put off the voice coach until after we rejoined the tour in New York. Now that Gabi's face had settled, we took multiple pictures and sent them to Ellie's dad, John. He played with the image on the computer to show what was achievable, and we went through the options together. The nose had settled down beautifully and didn't need any further work. He suggested something with the cheeks that somehow softened the face. He was also going to check down below to see if he could do anything to tidy matters up, reduce any scarring. He had scheduled a space the day after Toronto. Gabi wouldn't be allowed to speak for two days after the voice box surgery, and he wanted Gabi to be majority recovered by the time of the New York memorial.
Ellie had booked the flights, and we had arranged where we were staying. We decided that we didn't want to split up, so we were all going first to Ellie's parents for three days, then two days at Sarah's and finally two days with my parents. Ellie and Sarah had to discuss sleeping arrangements as we didn't want to be apart and Gabi still needed her dilation time. My house had plenty of bedrooms and I didn't bother my parents with such details as they wouldn't be interested.
I did tell them that we would also need to visit my grandfather. Gabi was surprised as she got the impression from my talks about inheritance that he had already passed on, so I had to explain that he had split his money into three piles. One he assigned each to my cousin and me, provided we fit the criteria and one third that he would live on and would be passed to his direct children, my father and my aunt when he died. He had done it that way to encourage me and my cousin to have children while he was still alive. This he had done about a year ago and since then my cousin was desperately trying to conceive. He was three years older than I was and already married, again arranged more than a love match. I had heard through the grapevine that he had abnormally low fertility, and they were now trying IVF. He still had four years before he passed the deadline. I would have made a deal with him, except he had not taken my coming out of the closet well and now blamed me for the pressure he was under.
To be honest I was dreading introducing everyone to my family. I was brought up by a series of nannies, not my parents and most of my interactions with them were completely unemotional and felt very artificial. Since none of us were of an equal or better social standing in their eyes, they would automatically dismiss us and our opinions. It was almost funny, because they would think of us as inferior, I was ashamed of them and thought less of them.
Grandfather would be more fun. His brain was still sharp, and he was more interested in ability and intelligence than social standing. I had no idea what he would think of Gabi. Sarah and he had already butted heads, which I knew he liked even as he complained. None of us would fawn over him, but he may not appreciate Gabi's submissiveness. Ellie tended to stay in the background, but with the occasional clever interjection that left no doubt as to her intelligence. He respected my friends, but now I was going to tell him they were more than friends and I didn't know how he was going to react. Not that I really cared anymore. I mean my whole family already disapproved of me just because of my sexual orientation and that was something I had no control over. If any of us felt uncomfortable in my home, we would leave.
Going through the border with Canada was interesting. We had to try and defeminise Gabi and get her dressed in Drew's old clothes so that we could use her old passport. The passage through was a non-event, but emotionally Gabi was clearly upset by it and happy when we put her back together. I questioned whether it was worth the effort and what we should do at the airport. We had a letter that explained everything, but I had read some horror stories on the internet of transgender discrimination at passport control.
Chapter 17
We picked up Sarah's purchases in Toronto but knew we would have to take their application with caution. Back in the hotel room, we got Gabi to try the strap on dildo rig with the front piece removed. There were a couple of issues. Lots of lubrication was necessary for Gabi to feel less uncomfortable and that had to be reapplied regularly. The other problem was the whole rig was visible through most of the clothes. Not obvious, but noticeable, to us at least. Not visible panty line, but visible strap on dildo rig lines.
We all still thought it would be a good idea and help speed up the whole process, but could only be done when we were going to be just the four of us for a prolonged period of time and then we needed to set a timer to re-lubricate, before Gabi noticed it, rather than after some irritation had occurred. So mainly to be used when we were travelling with the tour in the RV.
I think we were all hoping it would mean that we wouldn't have to do 'dilation time' at our parents' houses, but that wasn't going to be the case. Part of me was embarrassed by the idea of having wild monkey sex in the room next door to my friend's parents and the rest of me was determined to ignore my worries about what other people think.
I think it was Dr Suess who said 'Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.'
I wasn't worried in my parent's house as my bedroom was deliberately quite distant from theirs. Because of that, I did suggest to Ellie and Sarah that we could go to my house for 'dilation time' to avoid any awkwardness. Funnily enough, they both told me they had already discussed it with their parents, or their mothers anyway, and been told not to worry about it. Ellie's mother, Wendy, thought it was a great idea to link pleasure with the whole experience and complimented Ellie on her ideas. Sandra, Sarah's mother, had been told all that was going to be done to the Drew that was, which included the aftercare involved so it wasn't that difficult for Sarah to explain our take on it.
We also decided to buy Gabi a whole new outfit, specifically for the airport. We bought from the female side but aimed at an androgynous, unisex look. So Gabi was able to wear all female clothing and still look close enough to her passport to not arouse any issues.
The two days in Toronto were fun. We had time to do some sightseeing, shopping and lots of sex, so all the good esses. My period was definitely over but I did have some leftover swelling and soreness in my breasts.
There were some tearful goodbyes between us and the other girls, particularly Lisa and Gabi. They were clearly bonding over Mia. We were all invited to Mia's christening that was happening after the US tour and before they travelled to Europe. Lisa wanted Gabi to be a Godparent but had already asked Ethan and Chloe previously and didn't want to upset anybody by adding anyone else.
I was nervous when we returned to San Francisco. I was not going to hide my new relationship with the other three and knew how my parents were going to react and projected that onto Sarah and Ellie's parents. I knew John, Ellie's father, had some issues with his daughter being gay, but our new dealings with him regarding Gabi had shown nothing but approval. Ellie speculated that it might be because Gabi had been male and her present circumstances were due to an assault. We decided that we wouldn't mention to him that we thought Gabi was female before the incident. People were funny, but if it made him feel better, there was no need for us to upset the apple cart.
They were very welcoming when they picked us up from the airport. The first test as far as I was concerned was when we needed to retreat upstairs for an early night and 'dilation time'. That was also when I found out that Sarah had been a bit naughty and bought two ball gags. Gabi didn't protest although asked that we not use it or ask her to use it if it wasn't necessary.
The other ball gag was for me, only after we had finished with Gabi, but still, embarrassing. Between us, Gabi and I produced most of the noise during our lovemaking and Sarah thought we would be less embarrassed if we could reduce our noise. I really didn't like wearing it however felt it difficult to argue when Gabi had accepted so graciously. It didn't stop me from having a good time but did create restrictions I didn't like. I had to admit that it did work. Our noise levels were considerably lessened.
The next day we went to John's work and he went through the procedures that we had agreed on. Essentially Gabi was going to have fat deposited up through the mouth to create a different contour to the cheeks. You can use a prosthetic, but John recommended using liposuction around Gabi's waist to narrow that area at the same time. He said fifty percent of the fat would remain in place and the procedure could be repeated in six months if required. The picture differences that he showed were remarkable. There would be no visible scars with the operation, just swelling that would go down over about two weeks.
That was pretty much what we had understood from talking previously, it was the voice operation that we had misunderstood. The technique he performed was also scarless and very safe, but we thought Gabi wouldn't be able to talk for two days and it turns out that he said two weeks. Preferably, fifteen days without Gabi being able to utter a word, not even a whisper. This meant we would be introducing a swollen-faced Gabi with no ability to talk to my parents and Sarah's.
Gabi looked to us for direction and Sarah confidently confirmed our previous choices. Again I could see Gabi relax. We all knew she wanted to go ahead and now, since she had delegated authority to Sarah, she wouldn't feel any guilt in either spending Aaron's money or feminising herself. In some ways, I envied her ability to trust us enough to let us decide for her. Life was easier without having to make any of the hard decisions. A lot less stressful. I knew I couldn't do it though. It wasn't a question of trust in my case, but I would feel that I needed to be in control.
John also examined her SRS surgery and was happy with it, but suggested a little nip and tuck to reduce some of the scarring and make it look so good that it would be indistinguishable from a genetic girl. Apparently, a second surgery was recommended, but most never did it.
The surgery went well and now we had two weeks without Gabi being able to communicate properly. We had a pad and pencil available and her right hand had healed from Damon's crushing grip, so she was able to write. Most of the time she didn't need to though. Her face was so expressive and we had all been paying attention for almost five weeks now and could mostly guess what she wanted without her writing a word. This was somewhat hampered by the swelling around the face, but it was her eyes and mouth that gave her expressions meaning.
We had to be very careful with our dilation time and couldn't get up to our usual antics as there were a few dissoluble stitches that we needed to not stress. This was going to be true for the next ten days so all my worries about doing naughty stuff in front of my friend's parents were wasted energy.
Chapter 18
A series of events that began the next morning started adding up to a worrying conclusion.
Sarah was back in charge of working on Gabi's dilation, so Ellie and I gave them some nice kisses and then left them to it and headed downstairs for breakfast. Over the last few days, I had started noticing that I was getting a metallic taste in my mouth. I suspected that I was coming down with something and was expecting a sore throat or stuffy nose, but so far that hadn't happened. It did seem to affect my sense of taste and put me off my coffee in the morning. I had switched, reluctantly, to a herbal blend, chamomile while I waited for my taste to get back to normal.
This was the first morning when the coffee pot that Wendy always started first thing in the morning, bothered me. The smell was way too strong and rather than enjoying it as I would normally it made me feel a bit yuck. I stuck to toast and left the kitchen area to eat it outside, enjoying the view of the backyard and then forgot all about it.
Getting ready now also involved us playing with Gabi's new hair. Gabi was happy to let us decide how she was going to present to the world and we all enjoyed helping her to look pretty, with lots of compliments. Despite the swelling, I think our comments were heartfelt, as we had all fallen for her inner beauty which shines through everything.
Wendy and John were very accepting of our unusual arrangement and we all enjoyed our time there, even with Gabi's surgery and inability to talk. Gabi did smile a lot albeit with a more careful expression and smaller than usual so as not to hurt the incisions in her mouth or the swelling on her cheeks. And if smiling was not enough Gabi was very liberal with her hugs. She showed more genuine physical affection than all of us put together. Wendy lapped it up. I think the distance Ellie tends to put between herself and everyone else resulted in Wendy feeling a little deprived of mother-daughter hugs that Gabi happily rectified. There is no question that by the time we left Gabi had completely won them over.
That's not to say Gabi was permanently happy. There were times when something would trigger her grief. Being around a relatively happy family probably meant there were a lot of possible triggers. Gabi being unable to talk was probably a bonus. We had no idea what would set her off and she wouldn't have wanted us to change our behaviour because of how she was feeling. Her emotions were clearly written on her face and talking about it wasn't going to change anything, she just needed time to process and people around her who loved her and she had that. Some of the hugs were for support and caring. That was possibly why it was more powerful. She gave hugs in gratitude and happiness and received them in sorrow and sadness.
Surgery wise she was recovering well. She was also now wearing this compression wrap to help with her liposuction healing. That fitted in well with the corsets that she was measured for the next day. That morning I couldn't even go into the kitchen because of the excessive coffee smell making me feel uncomfortable. Ellie happily got me some toast and tea with a shrug of her shoulders. I couldn't explain myself very well and we had other things to think about so we dismissed it and moved on like yesterday.
The corsets were quite fun, surprisingly. I tried one on and it made my bust look humongous, almost over the top so I wasn't interested. On Gabi, there wasn't really anything up top to exaggerate, but it did slim her waist very noticeably and we could all see that glint of satisfaction in her eyes when she was wearing it. The ones she was wearing were only to give her an idea of what it would be like since they needed to be made to measure. We bought three corsets and three sleep corsets, two as she was sized now and one slightly smaller for each type. They would be ready in about a week so we organised for them to be delivered at the hotel we were staying at. Trish had managed to get us great rates at the hotel that the band would be staying at a week later. We only needed one room with a large double bed although there would be four adults staying. I'm glad Trish was responsible for that explanation rather than me.
Once we were finished there we moved on to Sarah's house. Sarah's parents were less obvious about their affection but it was still there. Smiles, touches and brief squeezes were very much in evidence. Gabi was a bit more restrained but still more naturally touchy-feely than the three of us.
The next morning I was relieved to be able to enter the kitchen. They had an espresso machine rather than a coffee percolator, so there were no strong smells to keep me out. Or so I thought. I opened the fridge to try and work out what I fancied for breakfast, caught a strong smell of rank old sweaty socks and barely made it to the sink before I started heaving.
Sandra was in the kitchen and gently rubbed my back while I helplessly dry heaved.
“Are you alright?” she asked.
I had to wait for my stomach to settle before I could answer her. “Who put sweaty socks in the fridge?” I asked.
She went to check out the fridge and came back to me with a confused expression. “We have some cheese in there, but it is grated cheese in a sealed bag, you can barely smell it.”
“It's probably me. I've been feeling off the last few days. I thought I was coming down with a cold. Probably food poisoning or a tummy bug, I guess.”
“No one else is ill, so probably not food poisoning and thanks for the compliment,” she replied with a smile. She had cooked for us last night so I could see how it could be seen as an insult, but she was only joking with me. Then her face turned serious. “You couldn't be pregnant could you?”
“No, I've never had sex with a man, so that's not possible.”
“So you never did anything with Drew, before he became Gabi?” she asked.
“Nothing like that,” I replied, dismissing it initially.
She gave me a long look and then changed the subject, suggesting I see a doctor before we rejoined the tour.
I didn't go near the fridge again, just in case, and she made me some egg on toast that I appreciated. There was still a slight nausea there but I didn't think I would start heaving again. Her words though did start me thinking. Could I be pregnant?
Chapter 19
If you have never been pregnant, how are you supposed to know what it feels like? The main question was, was it possible? Yes, we had sex with Gabi when she still had male equipment, but her penis was trapped in a false vagina. She couldn't get an erection and she certainly didn't put it inside me.
I had always associated having an unprotected penis in my vagina as the only risk in becoming pregnant. It isn't the penis that does the job though, it is the sperm. Could I have gotten sperm into my vagina? I had to say, yes. The first time we made love, I was beneath Gabi and she ejaculated, even without an erection. I had then begged Sarah to sit on me and rub our groins together. That could certainly have put any sperm Gabi had produced in the right location, but would that be enough? The sperm would have to swim much further than normal. I remembered an ill-mannered comment during our sex education class where someone asked if a man with a big dick was more fertile because the sperm had less far to travel and the answer was it didn't seem to matter. Sperm were designed to swim and only one had to reach the egg and men produced millions of them.
Then I breathed out in relief. I couldn't be pregnant, I had just had a period. Then I wondered should I be relieved or disappointed. I mean, Gabi had no further chance of producing any sperm, wouldn't it be a good thing if I had been pregnant. I decided from the safe position of not being pregnant that if I had been, I would have kept the baby. I was pro-choice but could never have terminated Gabi's baby.
“Earth to Buffy,” I eventually heard from Sandra.
“Sorry, I got a bit distracted. I just remembered that I have recently had a period, so pregnancy is out,” I replied.
“Not necessarily. I thought I had a period when I was pregnant with Sarah,” she answered. “I think they call it an implantation bleed. Just take a test, they are almost foolproof.”
Her words put a frisson of electricity into my heart. I wasn't sure if it was fear or excitement. I nodded my head a bit shakily. “Um... is it possible you could get one for me? I don't think Gabi should know until I have the result and buying a test might give her unrealistic hope.”
“Sure, honey. I'll pick one up on my way home tonight. Maybe you shouldn't cook tonight, the smells might drive you crazy.” The plan had been that we would cook tonight. My nausea had come back a bit and the thought of food at that point was not a good one, so I nodded my head in agreement. “We'll order in, when we know how you are feeling,” Sandra continued. “I think I should mention that Ellie has been standing in the doorway and has heard most of our conversation. I did tell you, but I am not sure you were listening.”
“Oh, don't worry, we don't keep any secrets,” I answered turning in my chair to look at Ellie. What she said next was not what I was expecting.
“When did you have your period?”
I thought back to tie in where we were on the tour. “I think I noticed it starting when we were at St Louis. I remember because it was the morning after we started our 'dilation time' with Gabi.” I used my fingers to put dilation time in quotes.
“That is like a week and a half ago, right?”
“Yes,” I said cautiously. “Why?”
“I'm late.” Ellie had stilled like a deer in headlights.
“Late?” I asked in surprise.
“Late!” she said with a slightly panicked louder voice. “I've never been late in my life. It is not possible, is it?” she asked.
Sandra laughed with a hand over her mouth. “I guess I had better buy a few tests.”
“How could it happen, I mean we never, you know, that never happened, so it isn't possible is it?”
I didn't really want to go into details in front of Sandra, who was enjoying this immensely for some reason, but Sarah was keeping Gabi occupied with dilation upstairs, and I didn't have the energy to move so I explained how I thought it was possible for me and then asked if she remembered being in a similar situation.
“Well, that first night, when you were with Sarah, I was on top of Gabi, so I guess it is possible for me too,” she said with a weary sigh. “What about Sarah? I mean she was on top of you and if your theory is correct she is also under risk. Do we see if she has missed her period? I haven't seen any supplies out like I normally do. How did I miss your period?”
“It was the lightest period I have ever had. I didn't use tampons, just thin pads.”
“If it was a period,” Ellie commented.
“I did feel a few cramps, but not a lot.” I tried to defend my period and then realised I didn't have much to defend it with. “I don't think we should discuss this with Sarah. If Sandra is going to get some tests, we can talk about it tonight. The only question is how to do that without Gabi listening. I don't think she should know until we are sure and have made our decisions.”
“Decisions?” Ellie squeaked.
I sighed and confirmed what I had thought before. “If and that is a big if, if I am pregnant I would keep the baby. Don't think about it now, there is no point until we know.”
Ellie looked like she was going to have a panic attack, so I got up and hugged her.
“How about David and I take Gabi out for a meal tonight, just the three of us. I can call it a get to know you dinner.”
“You remember she can't talk, don't you,” I reminded her.
“Sugar. I know, I will say it is so I can update her on all the legal stuff. I can contact Derek and Susan and hopefully get enough information to keep us going for a while. If not, I will have to start the baby stories and I'm not sure Sarah will appreciate that.” Then she laughed again.
I pulled Ellie outside so we could have a little walk around the block. She needed to calm down. Gabi was very aware of our moods. How are we going to convince Gabi without hurting her feelings that she should go without us? It would have to be so that it helped us in some way. Maybe if I said it was because Sandra needed to see her without us being there to make sure we weren't forcing her to become feminine against her will. Yes, that could work.
We were going to need a change of plans. Something very active today, so we don't have time to think. Or maybe send her out with Sarah. I could claim to be ill. I did throw up in the sink this morning, so maybe pretend to go to the doctor and Ellie looking after me. I discussed it with Ellie and we came up with a plan. If Gabi spent too much time in our company she would definitely twig.
I almost laughed, walking on the other side of the street was a woman pushing a pram. I had a feeling, today was going to be a very long day. The plan had been to go all touristy today and show Gabi the sights. Sarah could do that without us.
I was honest and told them that I had been feeling off the last few days and needed to see the pharmacist and possibly the doctor. As we had planned, Ellie asked me if I thought I needed company. When I said yes, Sarah and Gabi wanted to cancel today and go with me, bless them. I insisted that I wasn't that bad, so they should go out and enjoy the day and Ellie could keep in touch with her phone. Let them know how I was doing.
When they left, Gabi was giving me such sad eyes, with worry clearly in them that I almost caved just to change her expression, but managed to hold it together, just. We went to the pharmacist and bought the tests and then text Sandra so that she didn't have to. I read the instructions and knew the most accurate reading would be first thing the next morning and any positive test should be repeated later to confirm. Because of that, we bought three tests each. One to try tonight, one for tomorrow morning if the first was negative and one spare in case either of them were positive for the repeat.
We then debated doing the test straight away or waiting for Sarah, who for all we knew had already had her period and was completely safe. In the end, despite just wanting to know, we felt we couldn't leave Sarah out of it and waited.
We had a very emotional day. We debated our options and Ellie wanted to know why I had already decided as I had. Part of it was that I would never be able to bring myself to get rid of Gabi's child, but another was that Gabi made such a wonderful mother that I wanted to have a child with her anyway. I just hadn't intended it to be this soon. A lesser point was that jobs and careers would become a choice rather than a necessity, after my inheritance. Yes, it would change my immediate plans and I would probably take a year off before starting college. That didn't sound like such a big deal. Grandfather would be thrilled.
I think my points made her think and then she threw me a curveball that I wasn't expecting. Should we propose to Gabi? Her logic was sound though. If a guy gets a girl pregnant, the honourable thing to do was to marry her. In our case, Gabi was really taking the girl position and we, with our dominance had taken the protector, provider role. Even when we had sex, Gabi hadn't taken the masculine role and we could hardly blame her for any consequences. If we were pregnant should we solidify our relationship with marriage? It didn't really matter how legal it was because she didn't have to legally marry us all. What was in our hearts was what mattered.
And that thought really excited me. I wanted that. I wanted that a lot. Then the question was what if only one of us was pregnant, but that was easy to answer. We would all get married or none of us would.
We then started doing some research. First Ellie tried to work out exactly when our period was due. She couldn't remember our last period but knew the date of the one before and since we were almost always twenty-eight days could guess when our latest period was due. Eight days ago. That seemed to hit us both with a dose of shocked reality. Then we worked out my period, if it was a period, was day twenty-five and google suggested that was about right for an implantation bleed. The symptoms of that also fit with my symptoms. Adding my sore and swollen boobs, metallic taste and throwing up after smelling the fridge, I was beginning to believe that I was pregnant. The only thing that didn't quite fit was pregnancy nausea that usually started week six and if I was pregnant I would be one day into week five. Having said that, it was clear that there was huge variation between people in terms of symptoms and effects.
Obviously, we would only tell Gabi if one of us was pregnant and we had to be careful how we did it as Gabi was not allowed to speak at the moment and if anything was going to make Gabi forget that it was this kind of news. If we were going to propose that would be the best time to do it as further research suggested that we would have to avoid certain foods as they could be harmful to a baby. If that was the case, we would have to tell my parents, or more specifically, my parents cook and that meant my grandfather would almost certainly find out. So, as much as I liked the idea of waiting and making a big deal out of the proposal, that wouldn't really work.
Ellie suggested a two-pronged attack. An immediate proposal and then secretly all of us getting Gabi an engagement ring and then doing it again, big style, maybe with the help of Lisa and The Bleeding Heart Boys. We would have to keep it private though as it could be seen as polygamy, which was illegal. In fact, I looked that up as well and the main issue was that you could only be legally married to one person. I got the impression that the main worry was underage girls in arranged marriages with older men.
We were both getting quite excited about the engagement side of things which made me realise that it didn't matter whether I was pregnant or not. I wanted this, Ellie wanted this and I had no doubt, Sarah would want this as well. I even started designing the engagement ring. Three equal sized stones on a thin band of gold, maybe rose gold, white gold and normal gold, designed in such a way to interlock together and form one ring. We could then each have an individual ring with one stone and match the different golds. I would be white gold because I was blonde, Ellie would be rose gold because her auburn hair had hints of red in it and Sarah would have normal gold. I was unsure if we should all have diamonds or chose a different stone each.
Ellie laughed at me and told me to slow down. She was right, we needed to calm down if we were to somehow keep Gabi in the dark, at least until she had left with Sandra and David. It was funny how the mind works. The idea initially scared me and now I think I would be disappointed if I wasn't pregnant. I got the impression that Ellie had come round to the idea as well. Poor Sarah was going to have to catch up very quickly. Decisions would need to be made fast, but not so fast that Sarah felt rushed or pushed into making them. A difficult balance.
Chapter 20
When we knew from our text messaging that Sarah and Gabi were due back, we started watching a movie. We knew we had to act very casual with them so we had a plan of action. That way we hoped they wouldn't ask too many questions.
Ellie and I were on the couch cuddling, watching the movie when they came in and rather than our usual catch up chat, we pulled them onto the couch to cuddle and watch the movie with us. My mind wasn't really engaged in the action and I would be surprised if Ellie was any different.
After the movie was over we started getting ready for a night out, not informing them that Gabi would be going but we would be staying. I had discussed it with Sandra and she agreed to be the fall guy. I could still hear a laugh in her voice. She was taking far too much pleasure in our circumstances. We explained what we thought she would need to say to get Gabi to agree. She couldn't believe that we hadn't taken the test yet, but I think she was also pleased because we were only waiting because we wanted Sarah, her daughter, involved.
Of course, Sarah asked about my illness and visiting the pharmacist so I admitted that it was recommended that I take a test and the result would be in soon. Nothing life threatening and I implied that it was a woman type issue, hoping she would suspect a urinary infection or maybe thrush. It got her to drop the subject, which was the idea, and it was also truthful.
When we were all ready and had gathered in the kitchen, Sandra 'reminded me' that Ellie, Sarah and I weren't invited tonight. I then apologised for forgetting and explained to Gabi that Sandra and David wanted some alone time with her. I told her that Sandra was still her legal guardian until Derek and Susan's paperwork was complete and she needed to make sure we weren't unduly influencing her and they couldn't do that in our presence.
So that I wasn't completely throwing Sandra under the bus, I said to Gabi that them taking her to dinner was my idea and I just forgot about it. Gabi being unable to talk also made it hard for her to argue. Sarah was not happy and I knew that she was going to be relatively angry with me. I guessed correctly that she would wait until her parents had left with Gabi before she expressed her displeasure.
“I think we should have discussed that as a group, rather than you deciding for all of us!” Sarah complained.
“It was the best lie I could think of,” I answered which shut her up with a confused expression.
“What?”
We had been making sure everyone had drinks and drank ourselves in the hour before Gabi left. We couldn't stop Sarah going to the toilet without giving ourselves away, but we had tried to time it so that she was ready for the next part of our plan.
“Sarah, important question. When was your last period?” I asked her.
“What?”
“What Buffy is asking is have you had a period since we came on the tour?” Ellie tried to put my question in clearer language.
“Umm...No?” Sarah now sounded uncertain.
“Right. That's what we thought. Buffy here has been having signs that might indicate she was pregnant, what were they again Buffy?” Ellie asked.
We were both having far to much fun with this. We had enjoyed the whole day getting used to the idea. It was shocking as hell this morning and Sarah was in that same place.
“Swollen tender breasts, metallic taste and possibly pregnancy nausea. That only happened this morning, and I think it has to happen several days in a row to count. Anyway, your mum observed that this morning and asked if I could be pregnant.”
“Before you continue, don't forget late period. That is the most common first sign and our period was due eight days ago,” Ellie added.
“What?”
I ignored her confusion. “After your mum asked me, my immediate reaction was, that was not possible. I mean none of us has had sex with a man, so how could we be pregnant, right?”
“We?” Sarah whispered.
“I think this should be fairly easy for you. The first time we all made love to Gabi is a treasured memory of mine. Do you remember? I was lying underneath Gabi and you made her cum on top of me, then climbed on top of me and helped me out by rubbing our groins together. I think you even mentioned how wet I was. I think some of that wetness wasn't me, or you for that matter. And if you get sperm in your vagina, well, there is a risk of pregnancy.”
Ellie then held up three sticks. “I want us to do this together, but we don't have three toilets in a row. I thought we would all take turns and then put the lid on the stick and turn it over so that we can all check at the same time.” Ellie had also prepared a piece of paper divided into three with lines and our names for each column. “Who wants to go first?” she asked.
I had been dying to do it all day so I quickly grabbed a stick from her and went into the toilet. I had already read the instructions so I waited for midstream and soaked the tip. Ellie was standing there and took it off me with a hand wrapped in toilet paper. Put the lid on and placed it on the paper face down. Sarah was still in shock so Ellie went next and I prepared my hand with toilet paper so that I could help her as she did me. Then we had to guide a very unsure Sarah. We told her what to do and mechanically she followed our directions and then we had all three on a piece of paper.
There was a pause as we all stared at the piece of paper with three pregnancy test sticks on it. This was literally, life-altering.
“How long do we have to leave them?” Sarah asked.
“They are ready already. We just have to have the courage to look.” Ellie took a deep breath to steady herself. “On three?” she asked. She then looked up to see us both nod in acceptance.
“One, two,” a pause then, “three.”
We all reached forwards and turned over our sticks. Our sticks were very simple, it was either a minus sign for not pregnant but control working or plus for working and pregnant with ninety-nine plus accuracy.
We all stared at our sticks and then at each others with shock on our faces.
“Let's say it out loud and make it official,” I said. “I am pregnant.” Saying it just made it all real. Wow, that was a trip.
“I am pregnant,” Ellie said with wonder in her voice.
“I am pregnant,” Sarah said with disbelief and shock.
Chapter 21
I had to say it again. “I am pregnant.” Then I giggled. I also felt a little bit relieved which was a strange feeling. I think I had become accustomed to the idea of being pregnant throughout the day and was subconsciously worried that it was a false hope.
Ellie didn't seem too freaked out either, but Sarah had the deer in headlights look that I think both Ellie and I had sported this morning. I was hoping that we could go through our options and work out how we were going to break it to our families with whatever choices we had made our minds upon but Sarah was in no condition to make any serious decisions.
It wasn't Sarah's fault. We had enjoyed a whole day getting our mind wrapped around the idea. She needed time to process.
“Sarah?” I called quietly, trying to break into her introspection gently. That didn't work so I tried again, a bit louder, “Sarah?”
“Huh?”
“Honey, we have had the whole day to come to terms and discuss other things relating to it, you look the same as we did this morning. Like you have been hit by a two by four. I am going to suggest that Ellie and I write down some of our thoughts and then we pretend that you have come down with my pretend illness.” Then I smiled. “It is sort of true, I just wouldn't call it an illness. Anyway, I think Ellie and I should pick up Gabi and take her to my house tonight and give you the space to think about it and maybe discuss it with your mother. I promise not to tell Gabi unless I am forced by circumstance, or you are there with me. These tests are very accurate, but they still recommend we repeat the test a few days later.”
“I am pregnant?” Sarah asked me.
“Yes, honey,” I replied. Ellie and I gathered around Sarah and enveloped her in a hug. “Do you want us to text your mom and arrange to give you some space?”
Sarah nodded a bit vacantly.
I worked out that Sandra had only been gone for half an hour so it was too early to ask them to return. I did text her and asked her to text me when the meal was over.
A few minutes later my phone rang, she obviously couldn't wait that long.
“Hi Sandra,” I answered.
“I've sneaked off to the toilet. If Gabi comes in I will say something unrelated and put the phone down. Now tell me the goss! Are you or aren't you?”
“We all are,” I replied. Even I could hear the smile in my voice.
“Wow. I can tell you are happy about it, how is Sarah taking it?”
“Shellshocked. I am going to suggest that we pretend Sarah has the same condition as I had, so we will leave her in your tender mercies and take Gabi to my parents tonight. We can call it a self-limiting female issue.”
Sandra laughed. “So you will leave her in my hands, are you sure you want to do that?” she said.
“No,” I replied losing my joking voice and becoming serious. “To be honest I think we both want to be there for her and help her with this as we have helped each other. It is just that I don't want to tell Gabi until Sarah has decided what she wants to do and keeping Gabi away and unsuspecting is going to require the both of us. I think she deserves to have the space that we were fortunate enough to have and I can't think of another way to make it happen.” Then I turned jokey again. “I guess her mother will have to do, in a pinch.”
“I will look after her for you,” she replied with love in her voice. “As soon as dinner is over I will head back to you. I will text you when we are leaving and then let them know that Sarah is out of action and the new plan.”
I tried to get Sarah to eat but she wasn't interested, so I just made some sandwiches and brought them up so that we could stay with her. We put her to bed. Ellie stayed with her while I packed and then I stayed with her while Ellie packed. We were so used to travelling that getting our stuff together was quick and easy.
We then sat on the bed on either side of her writing our thoughts for her to read tomorrow. I thought she should know what my decision was going to be and why. I also thought I should talk about what I wanted for our future, including getting married, college and so on. I apologised for not being there for her when I so wanted to be. I even talked about my ideas for our engagement rings.
Sarah just lay there with her eyes closed. I would periodically stroke her, just to let her know we were here for her. I think this was hitting her a lot harder than I had expected. I did ask if she wanted to talk about it, but she didn't respond and I didn't push it.
When Gabi returned, she spent a few minutes lying on Sarah's chest holding her, not knowing what was going on, but knowing that something was wrong and hoping that a hug would help. Sarah held her back, which was the most response we had seen since we put her to bed.
Sarah's POV
I struggled to believe it. Staring at the stick and the plus sign, I was trying to drum into my brain, this is the reality, get a grip and accept it. Gabi had left half an hour ago with Ellie and Buffy. She knew something was up so I was going to have to get my shit together. She deserved to know, but she also needed to know how we were all going to respond. And I didn't know.
I read the letters that Buffy and Ellie had left for me. Buffy's was about what I expected. Ignoring the whole grandfather issue, which I don't think was really a consideration in Buffy's thinking, she was all about receiving the affection that she had been missing her whole life. We all loved her, but Gabi was the best at expressing it and making her feel it deep down in her heart. She was not going to do anything that might hurt that relationship.
Watching Gabi with Mia made it obvious that she would want us to have the babies. It wasn't in her nature to demand or even argue for what she wanted, she would accept any decision we made. It was possible that she would resent me if I had an abortion, though. I mean, she was told she could never have children and really wanted them. Finding out that we were pregnant would be like some kind of miracle, if I was to then tell her I was getting rid of it, I can only imagine the hurt she might feel. Over time it might destroy this wonderful family that we were building.
Buffy's letter was full of happiness and light. She talked about engagements, rings, weddings, honeymoon and even a plan for us all to go to college a year late, leaving the babies with Gabi to look after. She made it all sound so easy.
Ellie's letter was a complete surprise. It was only at the end that she told me her answer. She knew, I don't know how, but she knew. I had managed to tell them a little about my rape, but I had never told them much about the aftermath. Somehow Ellie guessed that this pregnancy was tripping some of my issues. Getting raped was bad enough and that dirty feeling never really went away. Whenever I thought about it, even now, there was a temptation to have a shower, but it didn't make me feel any cleaner. Then at the age of fourteen to find out that the rapist had left something behind, something growing inside you. I couldn't cope with it then and had to get it out of me.
Right now I was in a shocked numbed state. Emotionless. When the reality really kicked in, I wondered with a sickened horror if those same feelings would return. That desperate need to Get It Out Of Me!
Ellie shared something very personal in her letter. It gave a possible explanation as to why she struggled to emotionally connect to people and her own issues with the pregnancy. Apparently, Ellie had been a normal happy sociable baby. No evidence of shyness or any issues of any kind. Her parents had a night out when she was six months old and left her in the care of her uncle. No one knows what happened and whether he did anything and if he did, what he did, but after that night she was different. Bath time was part of her normal routine, but now she would scream her head off if she was ever brought near a bath. Her mother told her that it took months for her to be able to bath her again and it was never the happy event that it used to be. Her personality also seemed to change from happy to carefully observant, untrusting.
Ellie's parents confronted her uncle who swore that he didn't do anything. They had no proof and found it hard to imagine what he would even want to do to a baby, but clearly, something had happened. They warned their siblings, just in case and that uncle never babysat for anybody again. He is now living in Vietnam which sounds suspicious, as it would be easier to fulfil any perversions out there than here.
Whatever the cause, Ellie knew that she struggled to connect to people. It took someone who is almost the complete opposite to get through her barrier. Gabi trusts easily, has a huge heart that she shares easily and frequently. It boggles the mind to imagine her as a boy with that personality. Now Ellie finds herself pregnant. The thought of a little baby completely dependent on her for all its physical and emotional needs was terrifying. She knew from her reading that love was almost as important as food to a baby. They can literally die if starved of affection.
Then she realised that with Gabi, and us of course, but mainly Gabi, any child would never be without love. Not only that, she speculated and related this to my unknown hang-ups relating to this issue, that being pregnant and having a baby in such a loving environment would actually be a healing situation.
She finished by saying that she would be keeping the baby and that whatever I decided, she would support me and knew that Gabi would too. She told me that Gabi loved us all and would forgive me if I couldn't cope with the idea, but this also might be an opportunity to let go of the past and create a new association and emotion to tie to it.
Chapter 22 Buffy's POV
Gabi knew something was up. She had written the question down so I had no choice but to tell her something. I hated lying so I told her that it was a surprise, a pleasant one, but she was going to have to be patient. She accepted that, but we were now on a countdown. I also had to visit the kitchen to find out what we were going to be fed for dinner and work out if any of the food was prohibited for pregnant women. The fact that I had asked for the menu was out of character, so again, time was running out.
I text messaged Sarah, not to put any pressure on her, just to let her know. She replied that she would join us at five pm. She wanted to talk to us without Gabi and then all of us could speak to Gabi. She then proposed that I arrange for all the interested parties to be invited to dinner tonight so that we could tell everyone at the same time without a suggestion of favouritism. Sarah had already spoken to her mother who would pretend that she didn't know.
I thought inviting everyone would be also giving the game away, but then realised that no one was going to guess. They might suspect that we were going to make our relationship more official. We found it hard to believe, so our parents and my grandfather would never predict what we were going to say. To make sure everyone was present I did say that we were going to make an important announcement.
I made sure that Gabi was taking a bath just before five and found a room that we could use without anyone likely to hear us. I did tell Gabi that Sarah would arrive while she was in the bath, we would go over our surprise and come and get her when we were ready. Gabi acknowledged my statement with the light of curiosity shining in her eyes.
Sarah arrived with her luggage in tow and needed to see Gabi before she was ready to talk to us, so we returned to our room for Sarah to smile tenderly at Gabi and kiss her sweetly on her forehead. Then I led us to the study. The room was lockable but I didn't have the key, so I just placed a chair against the door to give us some semblance of privacy.
“How are you doing? Feeling better now you have had time to process?” I asked her.
She sat down in one of the chairs and let out a deep sigh. “I am finding this very hard,” she admitted. “I don't want to talk about why, but the idea of being pregnant scares the shit out of me.”
Ellie walked behind Sarah and gripped her shoulder. Sarah looked up and smiled.
“I think we are all broken, in our different ways and if we are going to have a successful relationship between the four of us, when we hit one of our triggers, we need to acknowledge it and rely on each other to keep standing,” Ellie quietly said.
Sarah reached up to touch the hand on her shoulder, with tears in her eyes. “I have come to a decision. Being pregnant is going to be hard emotionally for me, but if I was ever going to be willing to go through with it, it would be for Gabi. If I don't do it, I never will and I think I would regret it. I am going to keep the baby. I am not going to let him win.”
Sarah was looking down in her lap. 'Him' I mouthed to Ellie who mouthed back 'rapist'.
“Oh, honey. We will be there for you,” I said, getting on my knees in front of her to hold her hands.
There was a pause while we comforted her as best we could.
“Right. Nuff of that sappy shit,” Sarah said, sniffing. “How do we tell her?”
“We can't just tell her she is going to be a father, as strange as that sentence sounds. We could hardly believe it and it happened to us. Maybe a rehash of our first lovemaking and where the sperm ended up,” I suggested.
“I don't think we should call her the father. She is going to mother them more than we will and I think we should express our intentions from the beginning,” Ellie interjected.
“I liked the idea of us proposing to her,” Sarah said. Then she smiled. “In fact, I took the liberty of going to a jeweller today. To do anything like you were suggesting, Buffy, would be a custom job and take some time. However...”
Sarah pulled out three small boxes and opened them. Inside each was nestled two thin rings of gold, one reddish in colour, one whitish and the other normal yellow. “These don't have to be the actual rings, I just thought if we were going to propose we needed something to do it with.”
We both hugged and kissed Sarah in gratitude.
“Why don't we tell Gabi and save the proposal for the dinner tonight?” I asked.
We spent a few minutes rehearsing what we were going to say. I was going to do most of the explanation but the important bits we wanted to do together, which would take some coordination and we needed to say the same words.
We crept up to Gabi relaxing in the bath with her eyes closed.
“She looks so cute and innocent,” Ellie commented, which startled her to open her eyes.
Gabi looked around at us all and gave us a big smile. She is quite a fast healer and already most of the swelling around her face was down and what was there could easily be covered by makeup.
She started getting out, so I got her a towel and wrapped her up in it with a hug I just couldn't resist giving her.
“Let me do it,” Sarah said, as she took control and started drying Gabi for us, gently, lovingly.
Gabi had managed to keep her hair dry in a shower cap so I removed it and used my fingers to run through her hair. Ellie meanwhile gathered the clothes that we had earlier decided Gabi was going to wear to this dinner.
One of us helped Gabi while the others got ready as well, so we were all in evening gowns, dressed to the nines and made up for the wonderful evening to come. I was starting to feel a little nervous and I could tell Sarah was as well. Ellie probably was but I could almost never tell when she was agitated. I knew Gabi was going to be delighted about our pregnancies. We all were pretty sure she would say yes to our proposal, but there is always a little niggle of doubt and this was so important, so any doubts get magnified.
I pulled a chair to be close to the bed and gestured for Gabi to sit in the chair while we settled on the edge of the bed.
“Gabi we have something wonderful to tell you, but I need to explain myself a bit first and you need to remember that you are not allowed to talk. You don't need to say anything, just nod or shake your head, OK?” I began.
Gabi put one finger up as a gesture to wait and then got up and fetched her pad and pen, before settling again.
“Alright. Let's go back to a very fond memory of mine. Do you remember the first time we made love?” I asked her.
She nodded with a smile.
“Not to be too crude about it, Sarah made you cum while you were on top of me, you then lay back while Ellie rubbed herself on you while Sarah mounted me. That means the sperm that you produced was rubbed into all of our vaginas.” I paused while that sank in.
Gabi was getting a very wild eye look and her breathing had sped up. I looked at Sarah and Ellie, reaching to hold their hand and then looked back at Gabi.
“Remember, no talking, Gabi. On three girls. One, two, three, I am pregnant,” I said.
“I am pregnant,” Ellie and Sarah echoed. Not quite in sync but close.
Gabi gasped and leapt out of the chair to try and hug us all at once, tears running down her face.
Chapter 23
My parents only know one way to have dinner which was significantly more formal than I usually liked. When I was younger I frequently ate with the servants in the kitchen, but tonight deserved a little pizazz. This meant we were all circulating for a meet and greet while the aperitifs and some hors d'oeuvres were served.
This gave me the opportunity to introduce Gabi to my parents and my grandfather. My parents smiled and told us they were delighted, but the smile never reached their eyes. My grandfather, or Pops as he liked to be known, bluntly asked why he was invited. I told him I had an announcement, but he would have to wait like everyone else. According to the dining etiquette rules that my family followed, my parents would make a toast at the beginning of the meal, but we would have to wait until the dessert course before we could speak.
We also had to introduce our invited guests to my family which included both Sarah's and Ellie's parents as well as Lisa with Mia, Chloe, Bonny and Aaron's parents, Derek and Susan. It had been short notice and I had to hint that we would be making a special announcement to encourage everyone to attend. To be honest, I expected some of them to tell me they couldn't make it, but I think Gabi has made a big impression on all of them. My house has more bedrooms than sense, so they were all invited to stay. I had needed to ask my parents before offering the dinner and bedrooms, but they accepted that I would make an announcement worthy of it. Besides, they loved throwing these types of parties, showing others how much they were worth and their superior class.
I was pretty sure that everyone was expecting some kind of engagement proposal. That was still going to happen, but the pregnancy was going to be a shock to most of them. I had no doubts that grandfather was going to be thrilled. His condition wouldn't actually be met until a child was born, but just the possibility would excite him. Despite his grumpy demeanour he loved kids and spoilt them when he could. I would just have to make sure he spread his affection to all of our kids.
The dinner I am sure was delicious, but I hardly tasted it I was so nervous. I saw a similar nervousness in both Sarah and Ellie, although Ellie hid it best. I was excited, but scared and couldn't stop staring at Gabi who was beaming at anyone and everyone, but I guess her dreams had just come true in triplicate. It was unfortunate that she was unable to speak and express her happiness verbally. I had no doubts that she would show us in different ways how happy she was.
I was caught slightly by surprise when Sarah started tapping her glass to politely request quiet. As planned we all three stood up. Gabi went to stand up and we urged her to do so but stay about a step away.
“First of all, thank you so much for coming,” I started. “Some of you have dropped everything and flown in at very short notice,” I said looking at the girls and Aaron's parents, “We all really appreciate it. We have some joyous news and we wanted to share it with our friends and family. Now remember Gabi has had some throat surgery recently, so, as much as she may want to, she needs to contain her joy, but I think you can all agree that we will understand her meaning from her expressions.”
“The relationship we are in is not a traditional one,” Sarah continued. “However, all I think parents want for their children is for them to be happy and we are. Our first announcement is one that has made us even happier. Right girls, ready?” she asked, looking at me and Ellie.
We both nodded our heads.
“Raise your hand if you are pregnant,” Sarah said and then all three of us tried to coordinate raising our hands at the same time.
“Bravo!” Pops shouted.
I smiled at him happily.
There were cheers and congratulations, but we weren't finished, so after giving it a few minutes, Sarah started tapping her glass again.
“Ready girls?” I asked.
The three of us moved so that we all faced Gabi from a small step distance, looked at each other nervously and then settled onto one knee, pulling out a small jewellery case each.
“One, two, three,” Sarah whispered.
“Will you marry me?” All three of us asked at the same time.
Gabi opened her mouth.
“Don't speak,” I said quickly before she did any damage.
She put her hand over her mouth, tears running down her face as she nodded her head exaggeratedly and then rushed towards us.
I looked around my heart so full of joy, catching the girls with tears in their eyes. I think this was the happiest moment in my life and to think it all started because I couldn't resist Gabi's sad smile.
The End.
Star is a big hearted 14 year old runaway with anger issues. Life for Star has been tough, but it has created a strength and resilience in character and a strong drive to protect family. With an incredible mind, Star shows that size and strength can be trumped by clever thinking.
Having escaped an abusive father with Russian mafia connections, Star wants to protect a half-sister Kayla from the same fate and rescues her from his clutches. Now the challenge to keep themselves safe is Star’s priority. As a runaway Star has learnt valuable lessons for survival and the world needs to watch out as those skills are applied. Whilst dealing with Kayla's situation, Star also needs to work out some medical issues, born a boy but with puberty hitting there are physical signs that this may not be the case. .
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07K1R3V4C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qi...
The Legal Stuff: Star ©2018 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
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Star Chapter 1
Looking through my binoculars for the second time to confirm my worst nightmare, I had a decision to make. I climbed down the tree and headed for the backdoor into the garage as quickly as possible. Truthfully, as dangerous as this was going to be, the decision was made as soon as I saw my six year old sister taking her clothes off in front of my father. It had been dark for a couple of hours and it was way past her bedtime. It was possible that there was an innocent reason for what was happening, but based on the fact that he had raped me when I was eleven, I wasn't giving him the benefit of the doubt. I just hoped I could stop him and that this was the first time.
I punched the number code into the back garage door to unlock it, patted our Alsatian dog Rocky as I passed him to climb through the dog door from the garage into the kitchen. As I rushed into the house and up the stairs, I took out a couple of pens and held them dagger like in each hand. I opened the door to Kayla's bedroom to find my father in the middle of taking his trousers off with Kayla lying on her front, naked, sobbing into a pillow.
My father turned towards me in surprise and anger.
“Kayla!” I shouted. “Come over here sweetie.” I said much more gently. When I shouted her name she turned her head to look towards me and after hearing my voice, started getting off the bed.
My father tried to reach out to stop her, but his trousers weren't all the way off and that left him unbalanced, so when he turned towards her and away from me, I shoulder charged him, knocking him onto the bed as Kayla was scrambling off it. While he was trying to sort himself out, I rushed with my naked sister out of her room and down the stairs. I looked back and couldn't see him yet. I guessed that he was going to put his clothes on before coming after me, which gave me a few seconds head start.
I pushed Kayla into the kitchen, shut the door, told her quietly to stay quiet and still, before heading out the front door as Robert, aka my father, started running down the stairs. I could have tried to run, but even if I could out run him, I would struggle to get back to Kayla and then he would definitely catch us, so instead, I gripped my pens and stood outside the front door waiting for him. I let the rage I normally kept so well controlled rise to the surface and faced a man significantly bigger than me.
Having opened the front door, we had about thirty seconds before the main alarm would go off, unless it was disarmed. Robert charged out the front door and seeing me waiting for him, went straight for me. I was quick. I had learned to be, so I dodged his arms, going low and to his left, stabbing his thigh with my pen and when he turned instinctively, bringing his hands to the site of his pain, I elbowed him as hard as I could in the face, aiming for his nose.
After achieving what I needed, which was to slow him down and make it hard for him to pursue me, I ran down the drive and into the woods. When I was sure he had lost sight of me I looped round and went back into the garage and through the doggy door. Kayla was curled up naked on the floor crying with a hand over her mouth to keep as quiet as possible. Seeing my head through the door, she looked up.
“Sweetie, we have to get out of here.” I said. I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her. She followed me silently. The main alarm didn't go off, so either Robert disarmed it, Wendy my step mother did, or they forgot to set it in the first place. I led Kayla away from the house and into the woods. She had no shoes on so it wasn't long before I started carrying her. I am only small so I had to stop often and it must have taken us hours before I reached my tree house with its air bed and sleeping bag. We both managed to fit into the one sleeping bag. I held her tightly, feeling her relax in my arms as she drifted off to sleep. I stayed awake for awhile despite my tiredness as my mind tried to process what had happened and what I would need to do next.
I woke as soon as the light was bright enough to disturb me knowing I had a lot to do today. My thoughts were that Robert would report Kayla missing sometime this morning, pretending that nothing had happened last night. I hoped I had hit him hard enough that he would have a black eye or something to stop him from wanting to face the police, but even if he did, I think he would still have to inform them. Which meant there would be a man hunt. They would have to include the possibility that she had run away. Robert would look very suspicious considering that the same thing had happened to his son three years ago. Not that that would help me. This tree house was some distance away, but would probably be within a search area and I didn't want any of my stuff found to suggest that I used it regularly. Which meant I had to clear it out this morning. There was also the possibility that they would use dogs to track my and Kayla's scent. To add to my difficulties, Kayla had no clothes. My small size would help us out a little bit, but my shoes wouldn't fit her and she would probably stand out as being ill dressed.
I felt overwhelmed, not for the first time and dealt with it as I had before. Deep breathing and trying to let it go. I have had a lot of practice controlling my anger issues that I had developed some great coping strategies. I thought desperately, trying to work out a course of action that would save Kayla. If they used dogs, we were sunk. They only way to escape that was to get far away and I couldn't think of a way to do that without drawing unwanted attention. If they didn't then I could use one of my hiding places. I couldn't expect a six year old to do that. No. I needed help. Except if I had help it would lead whoever was searching right to them, again only if they could track us. I couldn't look after a six year old, I could barely look after myself. So I needed help, but after the search had died down.
I felt Kayla waking up next to me. She turned herself around to face me.
“Morning beautiful.” I said to her.
“Err..morning. Umm... where am I? And err.. who are you?”
“You are in my tree house.” I thought about telling her my name wondering if she would remember me. She was only three when I ran away. I looked so different to how I used to that I decided that would only confuse her. “You can call me Star.”
“That is a beautiful name. You saved me. Daddy was... daddy wanted...” Then she burst into tears, so I cuddled her, stroked her, told her everything was going to be alright. I would protect her.
When she had calmed down I needed to ask her a difficult question. “Was that the first time?”
“Yes. It was my birthday. He told me I was old enough now to be a big girl.” I knew it was her birthday and that was, in fact, why I had been watching. I was going to leave a card for her outside the front door after everyone had gone to sleep. I'm just glad that she had left her blind up or I wouldn't have seen what was happening. “I don't want to be a big girl. Can you help me tell my mummy that I don't want to be a big girl?” She asked me in a heartbreaking voice.
“Oh, honey.” I said holding her again. I let go of her so that I could look her in the eyes. “What Robert was doing was very, very wrong. Being a big girl does not mean that. Now I need you to be brave, OK?”
“OK.”
“Do you remember your brother?”
“Yes. He sent me a card for my Birthday last year. It was so pretty.”
“He gave me your card for this Birthday and I was going to give it to you, but I left it in a tree. I'll make you one just like it later, OK. Robert, er..daddy, thought your brother, Austin, was a big boy and was very naughty with him, so Austin told your mother. Unfortunately, your mummy didn't believe him, so he ran away.”
“Daddy said mummy wouldn't believe me and that I had to keep it a secret or he would hurt mummy.”
“That is why we need to stay away from mummy and daddy at the moment.”
Kayla helped me squeeze the air out of the air mattress and I dressed her in some tracksuit bottoms, a T-shirt and a jumper. I had to roll up the sleeves and legs, but embarrassingly, not that much. I had her wear three pairs of socks so that my spare shoes looked like they would fit. I had a rucksack, patched with duct tape and I managed to fit everything that I normally left in the tree house, including my school work and two small rolls that were supposed to be breakfast and lunch. We walked down to a stream and then the hard work began. I carried my rucksack on my back and Kayla on my front and trudged in wet feet up the stream, trying to keep my eye out for any visitors. The woods were usually pretty quiet with occasional dog walkers who kept to the main paths, so I would be unlucky to bump into anyone else. I stopped to rest when I had to, usually when I could find a big enough rock for me to lean on. When I thought I had gone past my furthest hide out I exited the stream, set Kayla down to walk and headed to this small den that I had enlarged enough to give me a small hiding place. There wasn't room for the air mattress, but we could shove the ruck sack in and after I had taken off my wet shoes and socks we could get into the sleeping bag and shuffle backwards until we were completely hidden. I just hoped we were hidden enough and no tracks were left to give us away.
I gave both of my small rolls to Kayla, just telling her that I wasn't hungry and sipped water. It wasn't the first time and probably wouldn't be the last that I went hungry. At least there was enough water. We had drunk from the stream as we travelled and filled two plastic pop bottles. Kayla did complain of being hungry, but accepted that there would be no more until tomorrow.
We were both bored quite quickly so I told her a story about a princess called Kayla and she loved it. Eventually, she fell asleep. I stayed awake listening. I never heard anyone nearby and dropped off late in the night hoping for a better day.
The next morning was grey and a bit misty, but thankfully no rain. I hoped that they would have already checked the tree house and planned on going back to it. If I was on my own I would have stayed away for another couple of days, but with Kayla, that just wasn't possible. As soon as there was enough light to see by we started our trek back to the tree house. Since I didn't think we needed to go into the stream, Kayla walked most of it on her own.
I tried my best to stick to Kayla's pace despite being used to travelling much faster and it did make the journey that much longer. Still, we were both grateful to arrive back at the tree house. Inside, as I had hoped was a home cooked meal in a plastic container, a sandwich and two more mini bread rolls. Kayla ate the sandwich and then we shared the meal, saving the rolls for later. I checked that Janice was alone. Her husband's car was gone and there were no extra cars in her driveway, so I crossed my fingers and knocked on the back door.
Janice's POV
I was getting worried. First a policeman knocks on the door to enquire about a lost six year old girl and then I find the tree house completely emptied, with no sign of Star at all. I left the food there anyway and when I checked again in the morning it was still there untouched. Keeping Star's existence a secret from my husband and the rest of my family had been gnawing away at me for the last two years. It didn't help that John was a policeman. I was even contemplating taking anti depressants. Now that she had disappeared it brought into question all my decisions thus far. Had I done the right thing?
I had caught her going through my rubbish bins two years ago and managed to coax her into telling me her story. We then made a deal, no more bin diving and I would provide food. It really wasn't hard to cook a little extra and put it aside for her and then when I made John's lunch, I just made an extra sandwich for Star. I started having dinner rolls for tea and added them as well.
She told me that her father, the man who had raped her, had powerful connections and made me promise not to call child services. She was only twelve, but acted much older. Instead, to salve my conscience, we arranged for her to meet with a social worker I knew, somewhere with a lot of escape routes. I don't know what happened since the conversation was confidential, but a week after the meeting, my friend, Betty, the social worker, was killed in what was described as a mugging gone wrong. She was beaten to death.
It could be a co incidence, but I didn't believe that. Initially, I was scared that they would be coming for me. As time passed that worry faded. So I had done my best for Star. I surreptitiously insulated the tree house and put in plastic windows and a wooden door to stop the drafts. Then I supplied an air mattress and sleeping bag. After a few weeks I wanted to do more, so I started putting books and educational material in her house, as I called it. Star filled out some quizzes and I used that to gage what I needed to provide. She was a smart girl for her age and from what I could tell, was at the equivalent of a high school graduate at the grand age of 14. I bought clothes from a second hand store for her and communicated via a small book where we could both leave anonymous messages.
The one thing that I did that was a little bit naughty was I ground up a birth control pill and added it to her food. I have been doing that for two years now and she has never noticed. I tried to give her a pack of birth control pills but found that she didn't use them. I was scared that she would end up pregnant, which would be a disaster under the circumstances, and so decided to make that decision for her.
John went off to work and I was a bundle of nerves. To keep myself occupied I decided to do a full house clean and was in the middle of attacking the upstairs bath when I heard knocking on the back door. Hoping that it was Star, I rushed downstairs.
Authors note// This may not be posted as quickly as i am thinking of going back to my Who the Hell am I? story.
Chapter 2 Star's POV
I could hear a clutter of feet going down the stairs and then shortly afterwards Janice was coming towards me, smiling after she recognised me through the window in the door. Kayla was standing behind me. I didn't place her there, she was just a bit nervous, so she stayed behind me and then popped her head around me occasionally to see what was going on. It was so cute.
She opened the door. “Star, what happened, I was getting worried.” Then she noticed Kayla. “Oh, hello sweetie.”
“I was wondering if Kayla could have a bath.”
“Sure and then you and I can have a talk.” Janice said and then we all headed upstairs.
We all went upstairs with Kayla still trying to hide behind me. I filled a bath for her using some body wash to simulate bubble bath and helped get her settled. We then left her happily playing in the bath, so that I could have the privacy to talk with Janice. She made us both a cup of tea and settled in a chair facing me at the dining room table.
“Well?” She asked.
“I've tried not to involve you any more than you are already, but....I need help. I can't see a way I can manage on my own. I will tell you everything and anything, just ask and I will do my best to answer. I am asking for advice. I'm not going to ask you to endanger your family, just help me work out what I should do next.”
“You think my family could be in danger?” She asked with a hint of fear in her voice.
“If my father finds out that you have helped me or Kayla, then yes, so I am not asking for that.”
She took a deep breath. “Alright. Let's start with why I had a policeman knocking on my door asking about a six year old girl who, I presume, is now in my bathroom having a bath.”
I hesitated for a second. With the information that I was about to divulge, Janice would be able to work out who I was and that had been a deep seated fear for years. I had already gone through this in my mind and knew that I had to trust someone and Janice had earned my trust.
“It was Kayla's birthday yesterday, her sixth Birthday and as she is my sister, I had made a card for her and intended to leave it outside the front door like I did last year. I waited for the house to go to sleep when I saw Kayla's light go on. It must have been near ten pm, way past her bed time. Her blind was up and I could see into her room with my binoculars. My father came in. I couldn't hear what they were saying, of course, but I could see that Kayla became scared and reluctantly started undressing. This is the same man that raped me when I was eleven, so I made the assumption that he was going to do the same thing to her. So I went inside to rescue her.”
“Hold on a second. How did you get in?”
“Don't forget this used to be my home. The back door into the garage has a number lock and they haven't changed it since I left. The door from the garage to the house is locked, but there is a doggy door that I can fit through, which leads to the kitchen and from there to the rest of the house. So I went straight to Kayla's room to find her lying naked on the bed, crying into her pillow as my father was in the process of taking his clothes off.”
“How did you escape? I'm guessing that your father is much bigger than you.”
“Yes, he is. Fortunately, since he was still taking his trousers off, when I shoulder barged him, he fell over and then, decided to get dressed before leaving the room which gave me precious seconds to run away.”
“He didn't try and stop you?”
“I persuaded him to leave us alone. We slept in the tree house that night, but I was worried that they would trace me back to here so we hid elsewhere the next day.”
“How did you persuade him?” She asked.
I sighed because I didn't want to talk about that bit. “Violently.” I told her, hoping that was enough to satisfy her.
“Oh. You didn't kill him or anything?”
“No. I hope he is showing some kind of bruise on his face. I didn't stick around though. As soon as I knew he wasn't going to chase after me, I escaped. Now, my mother died when I was young. I have my suspicions about that, considering my father's character, but when I was assaulted, despite my father's threats I told my step mom, Wendy, thinking that she would help me. She point blank told me I was lying and Robert would never do anything like that. It may be that for her own child she would have a different opinion, but I couldn't risk it. Kayla had to come with me. The thing is, now that I have her, I don't know what to do. There is no way I can prove my story and there is no way I would let Kayla go back into my father's clutches. Where does that leave me? I guess, sitting at this table asking you for advice.”
“I dread asking this question, but I need to know. How is your father connected? Why is it dangerous to go against him?”
“Don't forget I was eleven when I left, still I picked up enough to know that he is involved with organised crime. I'm not sure if he was laundering money or just looking after it. He did brag that he could get them to do favours for him. I overheard him threatening someone on the phone a few times. I got the impression that he knew things that he shouldn't. I spoke to that social worker you sent me to and pleaded with her to leave it alone. We both know how that turned out.”
“I hate to say this, but this is beyond me. I don't have enough information and I am scared that if I try and find out, I will end up like poor Betty. I need to speak to my husband. He doesn't even know that I have been feeding you. He is a policeman, not that far off retiring and when I tell him, he will be obligated to act. Do you think you can stay in the tree house together? I will chat to him tonight, lay it all out without revealing your location and see what he says. I will say it is all hypothetical. He will see straight through that, but it gives him the option to pretend that he doesn't.”
Janice made sure the curtains were drawn and we spent a good part of the day in the house. I was able to have a decent shower and get all my clothes washed. She also dug out some old toys that she kept in the hope that they would be useful for grandchildren one day. I don't think I could have kept Kayla occupied in the tree house and I didn't want to go anywhere where she could be seen.
So I played with dolls, hide and seek and even tried to allow myself to be taught this dance that Kayla liked. It was surprisingly fun. Up until about a year ago I had presumed that I was an ordinary boy, so this was all new to me. Admittedly an unfortunately pretty, underdeveloped prepubescent boy. I knew I was pretty or maybe it would be better to describe it as desirable, considering the attention I had received, first from my father and then various men who had tried to force their intentions on me. I had learned to be quick and vicious, letting my anger out with my weapon of choice, the humble pen. Other than my father, no other man had managed to have his way with me. It was also how I had come to be known as Star. I started threatening people with autographs and the next thing I knew, everyone called me Star.
About a year ago puberty finally hit, only it was a female puberty. I was short, just under five feet, pretty and had started developing feminine curves including breasts. I was now up to a B cup and they had shown no signs of stopping. Janice had always treated me as a girl, buying me girls clothes and even feminine products. I guess she knew more than I did. Initially, I was a bit put out and thought about confronting her, but she was providing food and shelter. I knew better than to bite the hand that feeds me. I had spent a year in London when I first ran away, just surviving so I knew how good I had it now. Everyone who saw me thought I was a girl and I was beginning to think they were right. It is pretty hard to feel masculine when you are wearing panties and a bra. Besides my manhood, if it can be called that, stopped working as anything other than a tube to pee out of. I could vaguely remember it getting a bit bigger, but that hadn't happened in ages.
Before there was any chance of John returning, Kayla and I settled ourselves in the tree house. Janice lent us a book reader with a children's book already loaded and we got it to read to us until exhaustion caught up with Kayla and she fell asleep in my arms. I was tired after the last couple of days and drifted off not much later.
The next day I waited for John to head off to work and then knocked on the back door again. Janice told me that John was going to check out what he could without raising suspicions. He had already heard some gossip, but refused to repeat it, without checking it out. So the day was a repeat of the previous day except when John returned he sent Janice to the tree house asking us to join him inside the house. He was back home earlier than usual, so it was barely five pm when we gathered to hear what he had to say.
A cultivation novel where three individuals rise through the worlds being born anew in each new world with a surprise consequence for one of them.
Three Mortals Rise To The Heavens ©2020 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited. This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental.
Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone. This is only a story, and it contains a few swear words and mentions genitalia. If this is likely to offend, then please don’t read it.
Chapter 1
Mort's Point of View (POV)
I woke up that day with a sense that something was different. Being the optimist that I am I made the presumption that it would be a good thing. Considering that I had prostate cancer twelve years ago and it had come back with a vengeance two years ago, most people would probably be surprised that I could maintain my optimism. Despite my terminal illness, I found facing my reality with anything other than optimism, depressing.
It all began with a knock on my door. The knock itself was surprising. We were in our third worldwide epidemic in the last ten years, this time involving a deliberately mutated cat flu and as an at-risk person, I was under isolation rules. This meant when I answered the door I was expecting a package of some kind, not my neighbour's daughter, May.
May had stepped back the government-mandated two-metre distance and was looking down at her feet in a very sad posture.
“Hi, May,” I said, using a light tone of voice, hoping to lighten the atmosphere.
She looked up at me with puffy red eyes with such a look of sorrow that I felt a strong urge to leap the distance and gather her in my arms. I resisted my natural response and tried to convey warmth in my gaze.
“My dad...,” May said, or at least tried to before falling silent. I waited patiently. “My dad has died,” she managed to get out and more tears leaked out as her crying began again. Her head dropped.
I couldn't take it anymore and gathered her up in my arms, holding her tight. Initially, she resisted and tried to push me away, but I knew that was because she was trying to protect me, so I didn't let her and held on until she gave up and sobbed into my arms.
When she calmed down I let her go and she looked at me like I was an idiot. “He died of cat flu. You can't touch me or you might get it,” May said.
“Too late,” I said with a smile. “I was given a year to live two years ago, don't worry about me. Come on in and tell me about it.”
It turned out that May and her father came down with it at the same time. After two days of fever, May had recovered but found her father dead in his bedroom and didn't know what to do so she knocked on my door.
She was only twelve years old so it wasn't too surprising that she was feeling overwhelmed. I was actually renting the granny flat that was attached to her house and she had been a fairly frequent visitor, bringing me baked goods and playing chess with me. At least, until I had to isolate myself, then we started playing chess in virtual space. Her mother had either died or gone missing when she was young and she had never mentioned any relatives. She was a sweet girl and with no children of my own, I had ended up thinking of her and treating her as a niece. She called me, 'Uncle'.
After a little bit of food and drink, she started yawning. I put her to bed in my only bedroom and started making inquiries.
Civilisation hadn't quite broken down, but it was struggling. Hospitals were full and only essential services were running. A body bag would be delivered and it would be my responsibility to get the body situated and moved to the front garden for collection. The body would be cremated fairly quickly and the ash stored for a later funeral. Social services agreed to put me as the temporary legal guardian of May.
Cat flu had an abnormally long incubation period which made it difficult to control and required long isolation periods. On the plus side, I had time to make arrangements for May in case I died. Since this was the third epidemic in the last ten years there were protocols in place which meant the number of deaths were expected to be low and life would go on. Technology had reached a stage where isolation wasn't that big a deal. Virtually everybody had an internal quantum computer with virtual reality integration and most jobs did not require physical social interaction. Jobs involving travel and holidays would be badly affected but after the first epidemic, most people in those jobs also had income protection.
Sorting everything out took most of a week. I didn't let May back into her own house until I had received the body bag, filled it, placed it correctly and knew that it had definitely been removed. Still, May didn't want to sleep in her house and despite bringing a single bed across, every night she crept into my bed and only fell asleep in my arms.
Her father had an insurance policy and May would eventually end up a wealthy girl. In the meantime, I had to work out who else could take over when I passed away. It was only when I was introducing May to my good friend Switch and explained my thoughts that my mortality really hit her and we had another round of crying.
Switch was an interesting character. She appeared gentle and kind. If you were her friend that was the way she acted, but she had the ability to be completely ruthless with her enemies. Her turnaround from one to the other was so fast it was like someone flicked a switch, hence her nickname. She was a loyal friend and had stuck by me through thick and thin.
May went quiet for a couple of days after the meeting, thinking things through and making up her mind before she approached me with a surprising proposition.
Chapter 2
“Uncle, I know you have been ill for a while and you have been told that you do not have long to live. To be honest, I knew you were ill and already considered you my uncle, so I begged my father to help you. My family has a secret that has the potential to heal almost any illness. Whether or not it can help you is down to luck, but my father forbid me from talking to you about it. He said to me that it is a family secret that must never be revealed to outsiders. Well, he is gone and you have proved that even if we are not related by blood, we are related by spirit. You and Switch are prepared to be my family, I have to treat you the same way,” May said before handing me a diary.
“That is my mother's journal. She started one when she was eight, about halfway through that volume, mum turned fourteen, which is when the secret is usually revealed. I found out early because I read mum's journal. I know where the instruction manual, the ring and the pills are, so if you want to give it a try, let me know. I spoke to my father about it and his comment was that mum was very talented so I shouldn't expect the same results as she got. Dad wasn't able to cultivate at all. It will be a matter of luck as to whether this will help or not. I know you are not going to believe me, but mum didn't die or run away, she ascended. I saw it with my own eyes when I was eight. She could feel it happening so called us together, put the pills, manual and ring in front of me and challenged me to join her when I could.”
“She ascended?” I asked.
“You'll understand more when you read the journal. She turned into a white light and disappeared right in front of my eyes. Her clothes dropped to the ground,” May answered.
I had a lot of questions, but, rather than quiz May, I took the book to my reading chair. These days most journals and diaries are electronic and kept within our internal computers with pictures and video recorded. It was unusual to have an actual real physical book in my hands. While I started reading it, May went off and came back with five more volumes that she put on a table nearby.
I skipped through until I found her mother's birthday and then started reading seriously. I took a picture record of each page and labelled it under the Ng family. May's mother, Liu, didn't describe everything, mainly she talked about her emotions, but you could read between the lines with the information you were given. Initially, it was a bit frustrating as more questions were raised than answers, but I changed my attitude and decided that I would read through it all and then re-read it before I tried to formulate my questions.
The Ng family believed that there were nine worlds all linked by the Gods. The bottom world was called The Abyss or Hell and had the least amount of density and energy. Each world had more and more energy and it was the duty of all Ng members to ascend to the fourth world, which was called the Terra realm, where the majority of their clan existed. Previously it was possible for people and other creatures to travel between the worlds, but about twenty thousand years ago, for some unknown reason, such travel was stopped. Now the only possibility was to ascend through a method called cultivation.
Cultivation was a method of bringing the energy of the world inside the body. This would result in the body getting rid of all the toxins that the body accumulates through using food as an energy source and begin a gradual transformation towards a body run purely on the world's energy. The body gradually becomes more immune to disease, stronger, more resilient and denser. There is a limit to how much energy the body can tolerate and when it reaches that limit, the body will naturally ascend to the next world, reborn into a body that can tolerate more. Theoretically, the body can ascend through all the levels and become a purely energy being in the ninth world, called Heaven realm.
The realm that I was living in was the Mortal Realm, or world two. All I had to do was begin cultivating and my body would be resistant to disease and naturally heal. Excitedly I asked May to get the instruction manual so that I could begin cultivating. There was actually a hidden safe that May led me to that she helped me open. Inside there was a booklet that looked like a copy of a copy, a couple of glass bottles and a gold ring. I took the bottles and the instruction manual, leaving behind the ring since I hadn't got to the point where the ring was explained.
The incubation period for the cat flu was between two to three months, so if I could make enough progress between now and then there was a possibility that I could survive and eventually even cure my cancer. I'm not sure my hair would ever grow back and I wouldn't stop taking my medication, but this was a real ray of hope. I had tried all sorts of experimental therapies both medical and alternative, and the fact that I was still alive long past when the doctors thought possible, showed something had helped. My money was on the gene therapy since that was supposed to stop the spread and since then, although scans showed that the metastasis spots had grown, there were no new areas.
Liu did talk about trying not to hope too much since there was the chance that she would not be able to cultivate or that her talent would be too slow to do much more than slow her ageing. From what I understood the Mortal realm was very low in energy so being born with the ability to cultivate was not high and Liu was the first in multiple generations to be able to do so. Without the pills, the chances of being able to cultivate were almost zero. Because the Mortal realm had so little energy, humans got almost all their needs from food which meant lots of toxins built up in the body. Toxins reduced the body's ability to move the energy around and to cultivate one needed to move the energy around and be able to both feel it and use our minds to control it. The first step was to remove the toxins and I could start this step while reading the rest of the journals.
Chapter 3
I had to do four days of fasting while taking these herbal pills; one, three times a day. The only thing I was allowed was water. I have been through quite a few therapies in my attempts to save my life and had some idea of what I was in for when I started. I tried to distract myself by reading through the rest of Liu's journals and warned May that I would probably become irritable. I would try and warn her when I was in a foul mood and then she needed to keep her distance.
She laughed at me and said since her period had started over a year ago she would offer me the same courtesy and we both crossed our fingers hoping that our bad moods wouldn't happen at the same time. Most of the fast was very similar to what I had experienced before but there was one key difference and that difference gave me hope. By the third day, my body started producing a vile-smelling black residue on my skin. I think I had a shower every two hours. To sleep those two nights I wore clothes that I would be quite happy throwing away. By the end of the fourth day, my body was still producing the black residue and in Liu's diary she had stopped producing any toxins by the fourth day so I continued another two days by which time my body stopped excreting the vile substance.
Thinking about it, I was thirty-three-years old and Liu was only fourteen when she did her fast so it made sense that I had more toxins to remove. I was glad that I had read the rest of Liu's journals while on my fast because she had noted certain factors that had speeded up her cultivation.
Energy is all around us and in everything, but it seems to become flavoured by its experience and that vibration made a big difference to our ability to absorb it. People seemed to have natural affinities for different elements and were better able to absorb energy from specific elements. In Liu's case, she had a particular affinity for lightning energy and had specifically designed the granny flat, which was her cultivation space, to enhance the amount of electrical energy that was available. The underfloor heating in the granny flat was essentially just an electrical system that flooded the area with electrical energy. Liu suggested that technology could overcome the natural deficiencies of the world to make it faster to cultivate than even a much more energy-rich world.
The Ng clan was a clan that based its success on Alchemy. The pills that I used were high-level pills. Fortunately, most alchemy formulations are based on the chemical composition of the constituents, not on the energy available for the plants. The other set of pills were designed to pull in energy naturally and therefore speed up cultivation. They didn't contain any energy, just created an energy suction.
The manual described a set of postures and breathing that was designed to speed up the movement of the energy which in theory would also create suction for the energy around the cultivator. In my mind, I called it the energy gathering kata or EG kata.
Liu described her experience of cultivation and in her case, there was too little energy in her meridians to move much until the pills had helped increase the volume. She attributed her success to her alignment with lightning and the amount of electrical energy available in the modern world.
Based on what she had reported I knew that following the manual with the positions and the breathing was essential, but wouldn't do much initially. Still, I figured I needed to practise anyway, so I would go through the movement and breathing routine and try and pull in energy with the pills.
From reading the journal I knew the ring was a spacial treasure. If I was able to circulate energy and was able to control it with my mind, I would be able to divert a little into the ring which would allow me to enter the dimensional space. As soon as I stopped giving it energy I would return to normal space. No matter how long I stayed in the dimensional space, no time would pass in the real world, but time would only exist in the dimensional space when I was there. However, the dimensional space was a dead space and the only energy that existed there was what you brought in with you. It wasn't a place for cultivating but it was set up for alchemy. According to Liu, there was also a library although the language was unknown. A few sections had been translated which included the formulation for the two pills. It was the duty of any family member who managed to use the ring to create a stock of pills for the next generations.
I didn't want to ruin May's chances of being able to cultivate so I divided the energy gathering pills into half, saying to myself that the most I could use would be half of them. Still, I wanted to stack the deck in my favour so I ordered a few things online. Electrical or lightning was covered by the floor, but what could I do to increase the other elements? Heat might be covered by the underfloor heating but in case it needed a naked flame I bought four gas fires with a gas bottle. To increase wind and water I bought four fans with a misting function. I couldn't find a solution for earth, but I did buy twenty small trees in pots, including bamboo, oak and fruit trees including apple trees as they were prominent in mythology. I hoped the soil in the pots might help the earth element. My living area was going to be very crowded, but I would experiment and probably remove whatever didn't work. I was hoping to use my internal computer intelligence named Ice to help me work out what was working.
May had decided that Switch would be included in revealing her family secrets since she had already agreed to look after May if I was to pass away. I think that won Switch over. Obviously, she couldn't have access to the physical books until our isolation was over which was four months if I had no symptoms or three months after I had recovered from symptoms. She didn't want to wait that long, but I was able to send her a digital version of everything that I had read. She wasn't going to be able to start until I was able to make some pills for her and we came out of isolation.
Chapter 4
Switch decided a long time ago that my nickname would be Prof since, apparently, I think too much. Part of me wanted to dive straight in, take the pill and activate all means of increasing the appropriate energy in the air, but my logical mind felt uncomfortable with that approach. I once heard a proverb which said if you have four hours to cut down a tree, spend three hours sharpening the axe.
I bought a special camera that covered a wide range of scanning frequencies, hoping that it would be able to monitor changes if I was able to absorb the energy. Obviously using underfloor heating, gas heaters, or even fans with water mist, all of these would impact my body temperature, so before I took any pills I started practising the energy circulating kata, recording my temperature including each variable. I did multiple readings to create a control but would be relying on Ice to let me know if she detected any changes.
Two days later I began my first experiments, taking my first pill. What I found out was the wind helped but only for a while, so I took a guess and opened all the windows and doors and that resolved the issue. There seems to be a certain amount of energy in a certain amount of air, so once it is gone, unless the air is renewed it is gone. I didn't react to any of the plants, but I did wonder that if I did, would I need to continually renew the soil or give the plants a chance to recover?
The water significantly increased the effect and although the gas flame did nothing, the underfloor heating also helped. At a guess, it would mean I was aligned with lightning, water and wind.
Each pill lasted for about four hours and I used one pill a day. Similar to Liu I didn't notice anything for the first week, but at the end of the week, Ice noticed that even after the pill ran out of its effectiveness window, my body was still gaining a little energy when I was performing the energy gathering kata (EG kata).
Halfway into the next week, I started feeling a sensation of energy moving around my body when I was doing the EG kata that would slowly disappear when I stopped. Following the advice from Liu, when I felt it strongly, I stopped doing the kata and tried to meditate, using my mind to continue the energy movement. It wasn't until the fourth week when I was able to keep the flow with meditation.
I stopped taking the pills then and meditated most of the day. May was very understanding and even tried to help by cooking meals and cleaning around the house so I didn't have to do anything else. By the sixth week, I didn't have to start the energy flow with the EG kata and was able to make the energy go faster. According to Ice, when I stopped taking the pills the amount of energy that I was pulling in reduced significantly, but I made up for it by spending more time. When I speeded up the movement, I created a stronger suction.
As part of my research when starting my journey I had investigated the acupuncture meridian pathways, but when I felt the energy rushing through my body, the acknowledged pathways were only the surface pathways. There appeared to be a deeper pathway in the core of my body that created a spiral leading towards my belly button that then went up into my lower belly before joining the surface pathways again creating a secondary loop.
The other thing that Ice noticed was that after my sessions, my body would slowly leak energy. It was like I could direct the energy without any problems but holding onto and making it mine was harder and outside of my control. Regardless, I was making great progress and as I was approaching the time when I could start to have symptoms, I started to believe that I could survive this disease.
Cat flue was not universally fatal, in fact, less than five percent of people who caught the virus died, but the majority of those were people who already had health problems. May's father had some lung issues from his childhood that may have been the reason why he had succumbed. All I could do was continue trying to improve my health and hope.
While I was using the EG kata we created a virtual space so both Switch and May could practise at the same time. I used the information I was getting from Ice to make small adjustments to increase its effectiveness. Switch was naturally quite a competitive person and was itching to start but without the pills to both remove toxins and increase the body's ability to pull in energy, it was unlikely that she would make much progress. Not that she was going to let that stop her. I have a suspicion that she spent more time than me trying to draw in energy. She took my ideas about increasing the available energy and even turned some of them up a notch.
My job, at least until I retired for health reasons, was an internal computer software designer so my Ice character was top of the line and enhanced by my own efforts. Ice did have plenty of spare capacity, so I was able to task her with helping. Ice took Switch through the same protocol that I used but was unable to detect any sign of energy flow. It was not really a surprise, but still disappointing.
I liked her idea of a Faraday cage suit charged with electricity but didn't think it would go well with a fan blasting misty air in my direction. Higher temperature flames may help someone who had an affinity for fire, but since I didn't, we would have to wait for when both Switch and May were cultivating to test her theory. May was told that she needed to wait until she reached physical maturity before she started cultivating. Still learning the steps of the EG kata would help her in the future. She did warn me that once I started successfully cultivating my body would naturally keep doing it, even if it was at a lower level. Her mum had trained hard until she fell pregnant and then stopped completely. Despite this, her body continued to gather energy until one stormy night when she went past her body's limits and ascended.
There may be descriptive names for various levels, but in reality, Liu had just been able to tell how full she was. In her journal, she described it as a glass of water. After she had been gathering energy for a few months she managed to get a sense of how much her body could take. At that point, her glass was maybe a little bit less than a quarter full. When she became pregnant she was over three-quarters full. It took eight years, almost nine years for that last quarter to fill naturally. That was still probably very fast but in the modern world, electricity is all around us. I had no real fear of ascending before May and explained all this to her so that she wouldn't be worried about me abandoning her.
May really wanted to be able to ascend and find her mother. Switch and I discussed it and decided to join her. I didn't know how old May would be at that point but didn't like the idea of her going on her own. Both Switch and I were in our thirties and neither of us had anything to hold us in this realm. Switch had no family that she would mention. I'm pretty sure there were some members who were still alive, but Switch had no interest in men or having babies and had been ostracised a long time ago. The original treatments for my prostate cancer had left me infertile. My wife had stuck with me, telling me it didn't matter, but two and a half years ago she found out she was pregnant. Obviously the child wasn't mine and she had been unfaithful. I went through a divorce as quickly as possible and fairly shortly afterwards found out that my cancer had returned. Personally I felt the two events were linked.
I quite liked the idea of ascension for a different reason. During the divorce, my wife made a deal with me. She wouldn't ask for any alimony if my will had her as the sole beneficiary. Initially, I thought I would just spend it before I died, but in reality, I didn't like wasting money. If I ascended, I would try my best to bring all my money with me leaving her with nothing and that thought brought me a certain amount of glee.
My parents had passed away so it was only my sister who was still around. I loved my sister, but she had hurt me badly. With my cancer treatments, all my hair had fallen off. My sister was a top model and when I refused to wear a wig and create a more beautiful image overlay she had point-blank told me that I couldn't be seen with her. I was proud of her though and showed May my digital scrapbook of my sister. May told me that my eyes were more beautiful. My eyes were my favourite feature and quite unusual. I had light greeny-blue eyes that almost looked unnatural and very striking.
Chapter 5
When the cat flue finally hit me I was expecting it to hit like a ton of bricks, but initially, it started deceptively gently. I felt off and knew that I was 'sick', felt the need to cough occasionally, but otherwise felt fine. May permanently carried a worried frown. The next week was a living hell and if it wasn't for May, I don't think I would have survived.
During the day I appeared to be fine, but when I went to bed, after a short period I would wake up feeling the need to cough, my throat would be dry and after one cough and one dry swallow, my throat seemed to shrink and I would struggle to breathe. Only by repressing my coughing would my throat recover, albeit slowly. There were times where I didn't think I would manage to get a breathe in. May was there stroking my back and encouraging me. I tried sleeping in a chair so that I was more upright, but it didn't seem to matter. Having a glass of water by my bed helped, only if I could take a sip before I coughed. In the end, May timed how long it would be before my symptoms would start, which was twenty-three minutes of sleep, and woke me up before, got me to take a sip or two of water and spend half an hour doing the EG kata.
After five days we were both exhausted but there were signs of improvement. The first two nights I had three or four of these attacks. By the third night I only had one attack and the fifth night I managed without any. After seven days it was over and I felt myself recover. Even so, I kept a glass of water by my bed for months and if I woke up, I would take a sip first, before anything else. The experience of struggling to breathe stayed with me for a while. It was very scary.
The downside to having gone through it was that I wouldn't be able to see Switch for another three months, but, on the plus side, I had survived and I was now immune. My new goal was to cure my cancer and to help with that I wanted to activate the ring. I wanted to be able to produce the pills and even send some off to Switch.
I could feel several lines of energy that led to the fingers so I didn't think it would be that hard to divert the energy into a ring. I was wrong. I went back to Liu's journal. She didn't manage it until she had been cultivating for six months. I just had to be patient and continue my hard work.
Initially, I found cultivating quite boring. Doing the EG kata or sitting in a chair and meditating requires focus but not intelligence. If you lost your focus the energy would slow down. Ice was able to keep me on track by monitoring my energy and nudging me when I was distracted. The fact that what I was doing could save my life was a powerful motivator. Ice and I had managed to fine-tune the cameras to be able to observe the energy within me and create a three-dimensional picture of the energy flows. After I had been doing it for a while some of the process became automatic and I was able to start thinking of other things while still keeping the energy moving.
In my mind, I started to come up with ideas to prepare for ascension. I was hoping that the library in the ring would help me by giving me an idea of what to expect, but the information would be twenty thousand years out of date and if I thought about our world, a lot had happened in twenty thousand years. The world could be a low technology world or a high technology world. More technologically advanced than this one or less. It could even be very primitive.
We would arrive naked, with nothing, but when I quizzed May, she reported that her mother's clothes had remained but her internal computer had not. I hoped this meant I could place the ring inside myself and carry all sorts of things in the dimensional space. At the very least, a set of clothes would be nice. Hopefully, it would also mean I didn't lose Ice with my ascension.
We needed to be able to keep ourselves safe and provide for our future. Our currency was almost all digital, so we needed to convert that into something that would be valuable on any world. We also needed to be able to take advantage of our strengths. If a world was more technologically advanced then we would be in trouble, but at the same time as technology increases, society at least pretends to help out its people. If the world was less technologically advanced then we needed to be able to take advantage of that. But we wouldn't be able to just order something online, so we would need to be self-sufficient.
I discussed this with Switch and May so we all could develop a list. It was almost funny how different our lists were. I was pretty sure that Switch was either an assassin or a spy of some kind. I met her when I was developing software for snipers and needed the help of an expert marksman, or in this case markswoman. I needed to break down all the factors that came into play when she was making a shot and then develop a targeting software to mimic her expertise. We really hit it off and became close friends.
Her list included knives, guns, sniper rifles, body armour with camouflage and either a lot of ammunition or an elemental separator combined with a fabricator so that we could manufacture our own bullets. In order for those things to run we needed a power supply and one that would either run for a long time or one where we would be able to supply it with fuel easily. She also suggested medical software with an emergency medical table, and a robotic body for Ice to inhabit to assist with any procedures. The most expensive item she suggested was a pharmaceutical fabricator which combined different chemical reagents to create different drugs not that an elemental separator was much cheaper.
May wanted us to make sure we took a download of all the available entertainment, had access to a modern toilet and hot showers, maybe a hot tub. Lots of fabricator patterns for different clothes and a food synthesiser. She also thought it would be a good idea to have a bed in the dimensional space. A food synthesiser could also provide the reagents the pharmaceutical fabricator needed.
I hoped this dimensional space turned out to be quite large, it sounded like we were going to need it. I hoped to be able to cultivate inside this treasure by having a power source and creating various energies. If I powered up a Faraday suit, I presumed I would be able to draw in electrical energy. Wind and water would need to be renewed, so was probably not practical. I also wanted to be able to manufacture our technology which meant fabricators, elemental separators and all the patterns for the different technologies. It would make sense to stock up on alchemical ingredients. I was hoping the library would enable me to learn alchemy. Alchemy might be the best way to earn money in a more primitive world. I also wondered if we could send the detoxification pill and the energy gathering pill off for analysis, whether either the food synthesiser or the pharmaceutical fabricator could reproduce something equivalent. So on my wish list was a chemical compound analyser.
I also thought we should make use of our internal computers to give us advantages. We could use Ice to highlight plants that either had value or we needed to be wary of. Likewise, when we knew of what dangers we were facing our internal computers could use our visual field, possibly supplemented by additional cameras to warn us of danger. Hopefully, the targeting software that I had already developed could help May and me to be better, more accurate shooters.
There was also a good chance that the language that was spoken would be one we didn't recognise. I researched and found software that could be used to learn unknown languages and translate written words. It was a combination of using a large enough data set to make logical deductions followed by sleep hypnotic learning.
Whatever money we didn't spend on stocking up the dimensional space we would convert to gold and silver, hoping they could be used as currency in the new world. I wasn't sure we would have anything left over, our wish list was some of the most expensive equipment in the world.
I discussed our lists and my thoughts on it. I had already liquidated most of my assets, thinking that I was going to die. Theoretically, I was still on an expected to die soon list, but with my progress, I felt strongly that my cultivating would cure my cancer, so I put that idea out of my mind and concentrated on the future I imagined. All of us ascending to find May's mother.
I was quite willing to spend my wealth but I couldn't afford everything so it was a matter of prioritising. Or, at least that was what I was thinking but Switch interrupted me, telling me that she loved the idea of the chemical compound analyser combined with the pharmaceutical fabricator as a method for reproducing the pills. She had plenty of money and was ordering both immediately, hoping we can supply her with pills that will allow her to start cultivating. For the moment we could buy the reagents cheaply, the only reason we would buy the food synthesiser was because on a different world, buying the reagents may not be possible. That could wait for later.
Within a week we were able to synthesize pill equivalents. I didn't check out the detox pill because I hadn't noticed any obvious effect until the third day, but I did take one of the newly created energy gathering pills and confirmed it worked before we sent a batch off to Switch.
Chapter 6
I had been cultivating for almost five months with another two weeks to go before my isolation came to an end when I finally was able to move a bit of energy into the ring. My first effort was a bit of a non-starter. I was just feeling a bit of elation for managing to put energy into the ring when I was plunged into a darkness so strong there was no hint of light. In my startlement, I stopped pushing energy into the ring and returned abruptly to where I was.
After a few moments of adrenaline-filled thought I realised that the dimensional space probably didn't come with a light. I grabbed a torch and a few candles. The candles would give some omnidirectional light and made a note to order some camp lights. It turned out there were already camp lights ready to go. I recognised them and clapped my hands to switch them on. Since no time passes when the ring is not in use the batteries should be well charged. I guess switching them off when leaving was a safety feature Liu designed. I would have to think about keeping the ring safe with our travels. If someone took it off us it would be a disaster.
Quite a large room met my gaze. The floor and ceiling were black nothingness but there were walls made from bookcases although only one bookcase contained any books and even that one was not completely filled. There was also a workbench with a complicated arrangement of glass bottles and tubes with candles underneath various parts of it. On the workbench, there was a book of recipes written in a foreign language with a translation to another incomprehensible language followed by one that I understood. That was it.
I did wonder if the room was a specific dimension or were the bookcases there to make it easier on the human mind. I examined them carefully and found a small gap between two of them. I stopped channelling energy into the ring so that I returned to the normal world and found a long ruler then I returned to the ring space and prodded the ruler through the gap not finding any resistance. I didn't know if the space stretched into infinity, but it was obviously bigger than the space that had been used so far. That was good news, we could probably store whatever we wanted, we would just have to a little remodelling.
First things first, I needed to get as much information out of the small library as I could. The recipe book with a translation of the instructions may well help my language programme, so I scanned that book first. Over the course of the next week, I scanned every book in that library. I didn't want to take any of the books out of the library so I would scan books in the ring space whenever I had time available.
Underneath the workbench, there were herbs that were used to make the pills, but since we had already worked out an easy way to reproduce the pills, I didn't worry about that.
My language programme started creating a translation, but it needed help to improve. I started a book that was supposed to be a history book and pointed out the translations that didn't make sense along with possible corrections. By the end of the next week, I couldn't pick out any more obvious errors.
Whilst I was doing this, Switch was supposed to be cultivating, but that wasn't going so well. I probably should have noticed from our chats and looking back I remember thinking that she was sounding a bit off, but I was too focussed on everything else so it came as a bit of shock when she admitted that she wasn't able to cultivate.
Since our isolation was finally over, Switch came over and went through her experience. The detox worked great. Like me, she had to do it for more than four days. Still, she waited until her body stopped producing that vile-smelling black stuff and started experimenting with the various elements like I did. Ice linked in with her internal computer and worked out that she was aligned with earth, wood and fire. She did some experiments with different temperature flames and found the hotter fires produced the most fire energy. Plants and earth needed to be changed, which presented a challenge. The earth slowly declined in output, the plants quite quickly lost their wood energy. If the plants remained in a depleted earth soil they did poorly, but if they were re-potted in new soil they recovered quickly.
With the energy gathering pills, Switch was able to pull energy in. Like me some of the energy dissipated after a while but there was definitely a net gain. The difficulty came in trying to circulate the energy. She could feel the energy flow on the surface, but whenever she tried to get it to go into her core she met great resistance and the speed slowed to a stop.
“You are not getting out of it that easily,” I told her.
Switch sighed. “I'll support you in every way I can, but it just doesn't work. I'll continue to try. You just have to face facts, I won't be able to join you on this journey.”
“Rubbish! Nothing you have said suggests you can't ascend,” I stated.
“Are you not listening to me? I CAN'T DO IT!” Switch said angrily.
I moved close to her and gently stroked her face. “You are struggling to create a natural draw, but you are not struggling to draw in the energy with the pills.”
“But...”
“Ascension happens when the body has reached the maximum amount of energy that it can contain, or at least that is what I understand. If you get born anew at the next world, whatever the issue is will probably be resolved. Move into May's house, let's do this together. Once you have gathered enough energy, the next step for me was to get a feel for how much energy was in my body and how much it could contain. That only happened a week ago. We are not going to run out of the pills, each one lasts about four hours. Take three of them a day and you will probably get there faster than I did.”
“I read in some fantasy novels that taking pills causes you to build up toxins that will sabotage your progress,” Switch said half-heartedly.
I laughed. “Maybe you could take the detoxification pills occasionally?”
Switch joined in my laughter.
“I'm going to read all the books in the library and see if there are any other solutions. I also want to know why May has to wait for her fourteenth birthday before she starts. If I test clear of cancer...”
“When!” Both May and Switch corrected.
“When I test clear, I will stop cultivating until May can catch up. The idea is for us all to ascend at as close to the same time as possible and that is going to take a bit of finessing. The earlier she can start the better. Her mother was not that dedicated and still managed to get to three-quarters full in three years.”
Chapter 7
The next month was dedicated to research, reading through the library that had been left behind twenty thousand years ago. It was amazing that the ring still existed and that the Ng family was able to exist that long. From what I read it had declined significantly from what it was originally.
What family could boast such a lineage? Apparently, its success and ability to survive could mainly be put to one man, Ng Yu. In those times the surname was placed before the first name. He lived for almost forty thousand years, dying about eight hundred years ago. He was immensely powerful but trapped in this realm because the only way to leave was to ascend and he was already beyond that, having descended to this realm a long time ago.
As I read through the books, I made notes of the facts that interested me and discussed them with May and Switch of an evening when we all relaxed.
“May, I have found out why it is a tradition to wait for your fourteenth birthday before you start cultivating. The human body forms a particular shape with energy meridians that when activated cause a natural draw to the local surrounding energy. Until you reach physical maturity it is less likely that you will have achieved the right shape for this to happen,” I explained to May and Switch.
“Does that mean I can start cultivating sooner? Switch doesn't use the natural draw and she is still making progress,” May asked excitedly.
I smiled at her. “From what I can tell there is no reason why not. The natural draw may still work for you, it will just become more powerful in the next few years and it may slow down the time it will take to get there as you will age slower.”
We managed to persuade her to wait until she was able to have a week off school as the detoxification programme is quite gruelling. School was a virtual reality space, but there was a real teacher who monitored the students and set tasks. We negotiated with her so May worked extra hard for two weeks before having a week off.
It took May four days to complete the detoxification programme and start properly cultivating. We were all quite dedicated although for different reasons. I wanted to cure my cancer. May wanted to be able to find her mother and Switch wanted to be stronger, quicker and fitter. On that note, Switch had moved into May's house and we renovated a room with gym equipment. The increased energy going into our bodies was having a pronounced effect on our strength, endurance and toughness. Switch had created a few tests to challenge us and monitor our awesomeness.
We put May through our elemental tests and found only electrical alignment or lightning. This made things easy with cultivating. From my reading, I found having a single element was the most common and having multiple elements usually related to natural phenomenon. People with earth, wood and fire were called island gods. Earth and fire created magma and then life sprouted creating islands. Wind, water and lightning related to storms. This meant the best place for Switch to cultivate was a newly formed or forming island and for me, whenever a storm took place. Of course, we were trying to reproduce ideal conditions with technology.
“I have finally found out why a clan from the fourth world descended to the second world. It always puzzled me since it is so much harder to cultivate here,” I said with satisfaction.
“Well, what was it? My guess is they were hiding from their enemies. In all the stories that I have read those who are stronger oppress those who are weaker, sometimes the only option is to run away,” Switch commented.
“I have to be honest, that was my thought as well, but it is something entirely different. It relates to the differences between the worlds. I have talked before about the nine worlds where each world has more energy than the last. They say the universe is always fair although I think it may just be evolution. So what is the advantage to worlds with less energy? Theoretically, we have stronger souls. Strong souls just means that we comprehend things quicker. People in worlds with less energy don't live as long, so it may just be a consequence of a shortened life expectancy. The point is you can strengthen the body with cultivating, but it is almost impossible to strengthen the soul. The Ng family worked out that people who ascended tended to become more powerful than those who were born in that realm. Funnily enough that thinking was against the normal culture which looked down on those who ascended,” I explained.
“What do you mean shortened life expectancy?” May asked.
“The more energy the body takes in, the longer the body tends to last. According to the books, just by cultivating, we are already increasing our life expectancy but even people who don't or can't cultivate, how long they live will depend on which realm they are born in. We have a life expectancy of between fifty to sixty years whereas the Earth realm humans live up to a hundred and the Terra humans live to two hundred. Terra humans who have cultivated have lived tens of thousands of years.”
“Wow! Another reason to be a cultivator,” May responded.
“More importantly I think it makes it more likely that the world we ascend to will be less technologically advanced. The humans on our world should find it easier to understand advanced concepts and build on them. Sometimes the whole world can be advanced by a single extraordinary person so there is no guarantee on that, just theory.”
“All that sounds great but what I want to know is have you found any martial arts techniques?” Switch asked.
“I think there were quite a few there originally. Unfortunately, I think many have been taken out of the library and not returned, now lost. There is certainly mention of multiple techniques that we don't have. I have only found one martial art instruction book. I will forward you the translated copy and you can go through it and let us know,” I responded. “There is one other thing that may impact our combat effectiveness but there are pros and cons.”
“Tell me more,” Swich demanded with a smile.
“When we have talked about energy flow and moving it around our body we have been talking about primary meridians. According to what I have read there are also secondary meridians that create loops off the main meridians. These meridians already pass a little bit of energy down them, but if you push more energy into them and speed them up, they expand and increase the health and function of the tissues around them. On the plus side, if you can activate these meridians you are sending energy to areas of the body which will naturally enhance them like giving you super sight, super hearing or a superior nose. On the downside, you create more space that you have to fill before you can ascend.”
“What can you enhance?” Switch asked.
“The majority of muscles are all well covered by the primary meridians so I don't think they will make you any stronger. However, there is a spinal meridian that might increase the speed of your reflexes, a visual meridian that might enhance your vision. The same with the ears, brain and even your third eye. Multiple internal organ meridians that will improve their function. I will send you the details on that.”
“How do you open the secondary meridians?” May asked.
“You have to get to the stage where you can push energy outside the normal meridian pathways like opening the ring space and then it is a case of pushing energy into a place where a secondary meridian is expected to be. Because some energy already goes down it, you know when you have hit the right spot. A bit of trial and error, maybe some more detoxification to clear the pathway if it is a bit blocked.” I looked at them both sombrely. “There is a male or female reproductive organ meridian. I have experimented activating mine in the hopes of fixing my original cancer. The meridian was full of toxins so I am still trying to clear it. Likewise, I intend to, at the minimum, open my lung, liver and spinal column meridians. My thought though is that my cancer may have occurred because of the blocked meridian pathway which means to be truly healthy I should activate as many of these secondary meridians that I can. It may delay us ascending though.”
“As you have proved, without health, wealth means nothing, my vote is to open them all. What do the books say? Do they offer an opinion?” Switch asked.
“Yes, but it was based on a different situation. Their advice was to ascend without opening the secondary meridians. The original idea for the Ng family that had descended was to have children here in the Mortal realm and then take them up to the Earth realm and then to the Terra realm as quickly as possible using alchemy pills and energy gathering formations. In the mortal realm, we have four primary surface meridians and one deep meridian. So five rivers that need to be filled with energy to ascend. If you open all the secondary meridians it may increase the equivalent number of rivers to ten or even twenty. They also didn't have technology on their side so adding the secondary meridians would have added decades to ascension. In our case, with frequent use of the pills and creating ideal cultivating scenarios, I suspect adding all the secondary meridians will add a maximum of five years to our schedule.” I looked at May since she was the only one in a rush to ascend.
“Your health is more important, uncle. You are ahead of us anyway. It will be months before we can get to a similar stage. I think it will also increase our chances of survival. If one of us gets ahead of the others they can open another secondary meridian to slow down their progress so that we all go together. Ascending is scary enough. Arriving naked in a strange world that we have no information about. Or information that is twenty thousand years out of date,” May remarked and then gave me a hug.
Chapter 8
“You mentioned that the Ng family used formations. I've heard about formations in some of the novels that I have read. Do we have any of those in the ring space?” Switch asked.
“No, those have also been lost to time. I know they were these jade plates with a design inscribed on them and there were different ones for different elements. I think carved grooves of the design were filled with something. There are no books in the library that give me any more information than that, but...” I looked at them both with a smile, “I have been having some ideas for creating my own.”
“Can you do that? Create your own formations?” Switch asked.
“I don't know how to do a plate, but I think we can produce a jade-like substance easily enough and I know the shape of the natural core spiral that draws energy in, so I think I have enough clues to experiment with. It won't be element-specific, but if we are creating elemental energy nearby it should be able to concentrate it. If it wasn't for a computer and a fabricator it would be really difficult. As it is when I am not working on my health that is what I will be working on. The small meridian pathways might be really important for you, Switch. Wood energy is like life energy. You might be able to heal someone by channelling energy into their secondary meridians.”
“How can you separate out the different types of energy?” she asked.
“I don't think you do which is the reason why I said 'might' be able to heal. There is outside energy which in the books is called prana and inside energy which is called chi. When we cultivate we are pulling prana into our bodies, but our body will only accept prana that is similar to our chi. If the prana stays within us it turns into chi. I've noticed that a period after cultivating a certain amount of energy leaves our bodies. This is the part of the prana energy that is not aligned with our bodies.”
I grinned at them both. “Some of our mythical characters and creatures seem to be real entities on different realms. Yes May, there are elves and even dwarves in the higher realms. Humans are not considered very good cultivators because we are either male or female, yin or yang. Half of all energy we take in is lost due to fundamental human nature. If an elf was cultivating with us they would progress twice as fast.
“Going back to Switch and her healing abilities, at our stage we can only manipulate our chi energy and we know Switch's energy will have a wood component. If she was a one element affinity then almost certainly she would be able to heal. According to the books sometimes multi affinity people have no healing ability, but some are even more powerful than single affinity healers. It is going to be a case of try and see.”
Switch had to leave us for a few weeks to do a job. She couldn't tell us any details and I knew better than to inquire. May was curious but accepted Switch's word that she would tell all after we had ascended. Before she left we went on a purchasing spree. It was all delivered to a warehouse that Switch was renting and all I had to do was transfer it to the ring. We had bought four life-like android bodies for Ice to inhabit. She used those bodies to prepare the space in the ring and install all the equipment. The most expensive piece was an apartment power cell. It would cater to all our power needs and would last millennia but would eventually need us to find a Uranium source to refuel.
Besides equipment, a fair amount of resources for our fabricators was also stored in the ring space. The equipment was too large to be located at home and some of the things we wanted to fabricate like weapons and body armour were illegal, so it was best kept secret and you couldn't get more secret than the ring space.
While Switch was away, I spent the time going through another detox programme while hammering away at my secondary meridians. I started with my male sex organ meridian and when that cleared I went to my eyes and then third eye. I would have to build my level of energy up before I could do any more. I had to speed up the energy and then divert it to hit the secondary meridian opening forcing the energy to hit the blockage. It was a painful process. Every time the energy stopped abruptly, some of the energy would go outside of the normal channels and I would feel dagger-like pain in my nethers. I would then have to wait until I had recovered and try again. For me, this was a battle for my survival. After four days of hammering away, I finally managed to get it to flow all the way through.
My overall energy dropped as my energy had to circulate a larger route. I still had enough to do a bit more and I wanted to know if all my secondary meridians would be as painful and difficult. I chose my eyes next because it was a small loop. I first started just pushing the energy in the right place. There was some resistance but no outright blockages so it went a lot smoother and didn't require pain tolerance, just persistence and care. Slowly increasing the speed of the energy circulating through the secondary meridian until I felt resistance and holding that speed as the toxins were slowly worn away.
I needed to do my lungs, liver and spine but all of those secondary meridians were quite large and I didn't have the energy for it. To help with my research into formations and anything else I could think of, I thought having my third eye open might help and it was another small loop. Like my eyes, there was no real blockage, just small hindrances that I was able to clear eventually.
The fasting part of the detoxification programme wasn't as hard as previously and I put that down to my body also using the energy I was pulling in. I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to survive on that energy alone yet. The black stuff that appeared on my skin came in fits and starts corresponding to my success in clearing the meridians.
The next question was what advantages had my body gained by opening those secondary meridians? I could almost feel my down below healing and within a day noticed my sexual appetite increase. For a long time, I thought I had a very low sex drive but that was no longer the case. I didn't want to get into a new relationship or divert any of my energy away from healing and heading towards ascension so I used online services to relieve my tension.
Before, I was able to use my cultivating time to also think about experiments and what else I could do to increase my knowledge and our technological advantages. Now, I struggled to think of anything but lustful and sexual thoughts. I decided the next secondary meridian I would open would be my brain as I needed to increase my focussing ability, then my lungs, followed by my spine and liver.
The improvement to my eyes were obvious and Ice was able to evaluate a significant improvement both to my clarity, focus and low-light vision. Considering the issues I was having with my sexual desire I would not be recommending Switch or May to be opening up that can of worms, but the improvement to my eyes was wonderful and a little bit addictive. I was eager to open up my other secondary meridians in the hope it would give me similar improvements.
My third eye allowed me to see energy. It wasn't very easy to see myself, but I could look at May and see the energy flow. I could even see the secondary meridians with the minor flow that they naturally received and could tell that May needed to open her kidney secondary meridians. When I told her that she mentioned that she had experienced a kidney infection and fairly frequently had bladder infections. She would have to wait until she had built up enough energy or Switch had enough to try her healing ability.
My ability to see energy was also really helpful with experiments for creating a formations block. Mine would be three-dimensional so calling it a plate would be inaccurate. I could buy jade but it would be impossible to get the energy flow material below the surface, so it was only useful as a comparison. I wanted to be able to print my formation block with a fabricator.
To start with I took a piece of real jade and carved a line in it. Then I started filling that line with different things, pushing energy into one end with my finger and looking at the energy flow. I wanted to see energy flowing through it at a similar pace to what happens naturally in my body. Any type of purely conductive material was too fast so that didn't work. In the end, using myth as my inspiration, I found crushed salt crystals with just the right amount of water to connect the crystals worked best. Too much water and it transferred the energy too quickly, too little and it was painfully slow. That didn't matter though as the medium would be sealed.
Jade is expensive and couldn't be printed with a fabricator so I needed a replacement. Looking at the properties of jade there was only one element that stood out as unique and that was its ability to conduct far-infrared heat. But it could have been used purely because it is hard enough to be stable but soft enough to be carved. From my eyes, I couldn't see any energy leakage into the jade. I produced various substitutes that matched jade for its heat conduction or energy insulation properties. Some were at the same hardness as jade and some were stronger. I was then able to produce my first formation blocks following the pattern of the energy flow within my body.
What I found was that if I put energy into it in the same direction that followed my body, energy was pulled in, but as soon as I stopped the energy gathering stopped. Through a few trials, I came up with version one. I needed a diode to ensure energy only flowed in one direction, an ability for the energy gathering formation to collect some of the energy it was generating and feed it back into the start. I still needed to start it off, but then it was self-sustaining.
The material didn't seem to matter too much. I think you could use any insulating type base, but the jade equivalent version gave off a tiny bit of far infrared. Far infrared has been associated with healing and when I scaled it up to a block big enough for each of us to sit on that might give some health benefits, especially for Switch who has alignment with fire.
The next step was to tweak it for maximum efficiency. That involved Ice producing a multitude of slightly different spirals with different thickness channels until we could work out what changes were beneficial and then further trials until we couldn't make it any better.
The next question was could we direct the flow directly into our bodies? The end of my spiral of energy was a little beneath my belly button and there was a weak channel, similar to an unopened secondary meridian channel, going from the surface of the belly button to the same point. The only person I was willing to experiment with was myself.
I created a new version where some of the energy generated went back into the start of the spiral and some followed a line to my belly button. I started very small, of course, so it would only be a little bit of energy. The small versions were fine. A little uncomfortable but not too bad, but I could see with my third eye that some of the energy left my body pretty quickly, putting some pressure on my weak channel. I came up with a hypothesis. My body would only accept energy that it was aligned with, which in my case was wind, water and lightning. My energy gathering formation was not so picky and would inevitably pull in whatever energy was in the surrounding space.
The only way we could directly pull in energy from the formation was if the only energy the formation pulled in matched our affinities. So I needed to isolate the space and use technology to generate the right energy. I started imagining these insulated rooms but then realised there would be energy in the air and probably an element of humidity. Maybe I could act as a filter. If we used recirculating air I could pull the energy out of the water and air. It was getting quite complicated and I wasn't sure how safe it would be. Even a little bit of the wrong energy could be painful and potentially harmful.
I was discussing it with May who solved it all with one simple idea. “Why don't you use the ring space?” The ring space has no natural energy. The only energy in the ring space is what we either create there or bring with us. There was theoretically unlimited space in the ring space but the mind struggles when faced with infinity so I had Ice fabricate some walls and create corridors and rooms well separated from each other with lighting and power points. Wind and water energy would be quite hard to create but both May and I could use lightning and Switch could use fire, both of which were easy to produce with technology.
Again I started with a small energy gathering formation, electrified the room, wore a Faraday suit and touched the output to my belly button. It worked better if I could penetrate the skin layer with a needle. No discomfort. It worked amazingly well, the only issue when I slowly increased the size of the formation, was the size of the weak channel from the belly button to my core meridian. I still lost half the energy which was incompatible with my male status and that only happened when I stopped channelling. It felt like I needed to have breaks to digest my energy meal. I brought May into the ring space and we did a similar experiment to work out her limits.
Since no time passed in the outside world while we were in ring space, the speed of our cultivating and timing it so we all ascended together had just become so much easier. I set up the other room for Switch. It did present a little bit of a challenge since we didn't want any electrical energy to be near the room so we used old fashioned wood torches to light the way and wood fires around the circumference of the room. I made a series of different sized energy gathering formations so she could work herself up to find the one that fit the best. The fabricator could produce a wood equivalent burning source but since Switch could utilize wood and earth energy we stockpiled natural firewood for her to use.
Chapter 9
Switch returned to us excited to talk about the martial art technique that I had given her. Her job, apparently, involved a lot of waiting and boredom so she had spent her time working on the Water Method, which was the best guess translation.
“Alright, guys, I know why this technique has been left behind. The Water Method looks like a purely defensive technique specifically designed for women and men are all 'the best defence is a good offence'. Rubbish, this is an amazing technique that we are all gonna learn,” she said looking at us sternly.
“I hate fighting,” I admitted, “but I would hate even more feeling defenceless and not being able to do anything to protect you two. I'm up for it.”
“Ascending could be really dangerous, the more prepared we are the better. Tell us more,” May added.
“Great! It is all about feeling and channelling forces. If someone hits you, normally you will be hurt and forced back especially if they are larger and stronger than you are. What if you channel the energy? In the early stages that means into the earth beneath your feet, at the intermediate stage, it would partly go into the earth and partly be used as stored energy for you to strike back and at the complete stage, the energy would be entirely reflected. The more force they use, the more they will hurt themselves. As I said, awesome. That includes weapons, by the way. Instead of using swords you use these two-pronged stiletto type weapons that can catch strikes and either reflect them or absorb their power to launch attacks with the other hand.”
So began our instruction in the Water Method. As soon as they were able to and with my new cultivating techniques that I developed in ring space that wasn't long, I had both of them open the third eye secondary meridian as it helped to literally see when the energy was diverted. It took three of us, two to spar and the third to watch the energy flow and point out where we were going wrong.
May turned thirteen. We bought her presents and tried to cheer her up but the whole event saddened her as it reminded her that neither of her birth parents were around.
Switch pushed us both not just in our practice with the Water Method but also shooting various guns and rifles, even sniper rifles. We used my targeting software and became proficient. Once we were more experienced with the Water Method we started entering competitions to get us more used to fighting against different opponents. We were careful to not reflect too much force as it would have likely hurt our attackers. All of us wore body armour that contains a thin layer of liquid that becomes rock solid under force to distribute the force but was ineffective against energy attacks. I redesigned our body armour to add the equivalent of an energy version of the Faraday suit, but I couldn't do that to people we didn't know.
We often lost because we accepted blows deliberately to absorb and redirect the energy that was effective but counted against us according to the rules. We started only being able to redirect energy that we touched with our hands, but the same principle applied to any part of our body. Switch drilled us well until it was automatically sent into the earth no matter where we were hit. All of us managed to get to the stage where we could reflect the energy back if it was taken on our hands, even if we were holding something to take the blow. You redirected the energy into a small loop, but none of us could reflect it back when it hit other parts of our body. Fighting with others was responsible for breaking through comprehension barriers. We were just stuck on this last element of the technique. The ultimate version of the technique would mean even a sword would be unable to penetrate the skin before the energy that was being used was reflected back.
May still had to do her school work. We worked out how to download her lessons and she was able to do them while in the ring space absorbing energy. There were social interaction camps that she had to attend from time to time, but she didn't want to make friendships that would be lost as soon as she ascended and that fortunately included boys.
I had such great benefits from opening my secondary meridians that both May and Switch decided to do the same. When May did the brain one her school work became easier and her intelligence score went up along with her memory.
My next series of experiments related to healing. After I had opened all the secondary meridians where I knew I had cancer, I arranged a new scan. While I was waiting for that to be approved I started thinking of other ways I could heal myself. I also wanted to find a way to heal Switch. Her core meridian had an area of damage that stopped the natural flow of energy. I was pretty sure it was scar tissue because right where the flow stopped, there was an external scar. It looked like a bullet wound scar. Having an operation to remove the scar tissue was hard to justify but our preparations involved having a full medical table with Ice in control. The only issue was that any operation could cause scarring internally so we hadn't jumped to that point yet.
Switch had reached the point where she could push energy into what she was touching and with her third eye open was able to see the pathways. She had tested her healing ability by cutting herself and found that it works but is accompanied by heat which makes it a painful heal, but at least there was no scarring. Still, she tried putting her energy into the internal scarred area, but it didn't work. Her next plan was to have Ice do a keyhole surgery to remove the internal scarring while she was awake so she could immediately heal herself.
That sounded drastic and painful so I was trying to come up with an alternative. I wanted to create a room in the ring space that only held wood energy, use my energy gathering formation and direct that energy to heal the internal area after Ice had removed the scarred bit. I had to bring in plants that had been grown hydroponically, no soil and therefore no earth type energy involved. I had Ice set up an area with edible plants using artificial light. She would then transfer the plants to the wood room. A long cable from the energy gathering formation would transfer the wood energy to a probe in the adjacent medical room so that Ice could use it. I cut myself and had Ice use the wood energy probe to heal my skin. It wasn't instant, but after ten minutes there was no evidence of a cut.
Switch went under the knife five minutes after I announced my success. There were no complications and soon after that Switch was able to fully circulate her energy without issue.
I went in for my scan a week later and to the shock of the doctors was declared cancer-free.
We celebrated long into that night. There were tears, hugs and laughter. There was nothing to hold us back now.
It took us a year from then, shortly after May had reached fourteen when we had all absorbed enough energy to ascend. We made our final preparations, said our goodbye's, even if no one understood, and started cultivating wondering who would ascend first.
Chapter 10
Ascension to the Earth Realm
The problem of doing something that you have never done before is that you cannot predict the outcome. We had tried to prepare for any scenario. We had brainstormed multiple times to imagine the world we would come to and had a plan of action for multiple different situations that we could find ourselves in. All our responses depended on the ring since we knew that we would lose all our external possessions in the ascension process.
Baring in mind that one common denominator, we needed to secure the ring to ensure that it came with us and that no one could steal it. I didn't consider the ring mine, but I had been the one mostly in charge of it and when Switch insisted on a chain of command, I found myself considered the leader of our little group. Control would shift to Switch if violence was involved. We took the fairly drastic step of surgically implanting the ring into the soft tissues of my left arm. We had used the anti-rejection serum and placed the ring near to a meridian. I had a week to practise using it before we tried to ascend.
We had sold off everything that we owned, spending the money on technology, resources and precious metals. We had stocked up on copper, tin and iron to cover different versions of primitive societies. Silver, Gold and Platinum for possible coinage. Precious metals are not that expensive after asteroid refining, but they were used as currency for a long period of our history. Drug formulations and fabricator patterns for a higher-tech world. We had even put all the furniture into the ring space.
We were sitting in the granny flat that we were renting off the new owners. The windows and doors were open, there were four braziers that would burn out in a few hours placed around Switch and the underfloor electric heating was on for both May and I, set on a timer. Other than that the flat was completely empty and when we left we were going to leave quite the puzzle.
We had tried our best to match each other in terms of fullness of our energy rivers. I had all of my secondary meridians opened. May and Switch were the same but had only recently opened their female sexual organ meridian (FSO). With the difficulties that I had with the consequences of that, I didn't want May in particular to open that meridian. With our third eye, we could see Switch's FSO system flowing much less than it was supposed to and the highest cause of death remained cancer and for women, it was cancer of the breast and ovaries that topped the list. The breast was covered with a frontal skin secondary meridian. The health benefit of opening the FSO secondary meridian outweighed the possible side effects in both Switch and May's minds. They both said they could cope with the increased libido.
It was difficult to time it so that we ascended precisely together as we all had different affinities. Generally, May was fastest because she only had a single element and that could be supplied easily. I worried about water leaks, I didn't want to leave a mess behind, so I was cultivating with wind that was naturally blowing in and the lightning. Switch was the slowest with only fire being generated around her. We tried to compensate for this by having Switch and I closer to being full, but it was a difficult thing to gage.
May still went first. I felt this rush of energy near me and when I opened my eyes I could see emitting a white light that got brighter and brighter before suddenly disappearing. All that was left behind was May's clothes.
I continued pulling in energy. I felt full, but it wasn't until I felt overfull that a hammer of energy hit me. I think I blanked out. The next thing I knew, I was blinking my eyes, feeling very different. I noticed that I was clearly outside, it was cold with a chill wind blowing. The darkness of night was slightly illuminated by a singular silver moon. My excellent night vision allowed me to see pretty clearly.
I was still sitting, but around me were these large rocks. Looking around I could see May sitting looking at me with a surprised look. I turned to look for Switch but she hadn't arrived yet. I could feel this strange stuff touching my face. I reached up and even before I could touch it I noticed my hand looked different. It was smaller than I remembered. As I looked at my hand in front of me I also could see in my peripheral vision that my chest stuck out more than I expected. I looked down and gasped. I had breasts!
“Uncle?” May asked.
“I think so,” I responded in a voice I didn't recognise. A girl's voice.
“What happened?” she asked.
I stood up. The fluttering feeling was my very long black hair blowing in the wind and touching my body. I looked down and confirmed that I was missing my male bits. There was hair there, but not enough to hide what should have been there. I couldn't help cupping myself there just to confirm.
“I, I er... don't know,” I said in shock and sat back down again, struggling to think.
Bright light lit up the night with a flash and suddenly Switch was there.
“Hi Switch,” I said with my weird high pitch voice.
“Who are you?” Switch asked, standing up and looking around.
“That is uncle,” May responded.
“She doesn't look like the prof,” Switch said suspiciously.
“I don't feel like me either,” I muttered.
Switch grilled me for a few minutes with a series of questions, including a few trick ones. When she was finally convinced, “what the hell happened?” she asked.
The questioning had allowed me to pull myself together and start to think.
“Best guess, it has something to do with the gene therapy I underwent for my prostate cancer. I was twenty-one at the time and I just did what the doctors told me to do. I'm guessing it messed with my Y-chromosome and when I was born anew it turned me into this.”
“Is the ring still there? Can you get me some clothes? I'm feeling the cold,” May said shivering.
I felt in my arm and could sense the ring but I had no energy in my meridians and with no energy, I couldn't feel them and without energy to put into the ring, I couldn't access it. Ice was still available for me to talk to and I started her investigating the world around me. But all our plans depended on the ring and that wasn't available so we were three shivering naked girls outside in a world we didn't know, surrounded by these huge rocks.
Chapter 11
Switch responded to the news with a series of words I had never heard her speak before. I am pretty sure she swore in multiple languages. May giggled and I found myself following. When I found myself doing so I stopped in shock. Maybe I had giggled when I was a child but I couldn't remember it. I laughed, chuckled, occasionally snorted, I didn't giggle.
Then I sighed, apparently, the new me was a giggler.
We spent the next ten minutes doing the energy gathering kata. The energy concentration was significantly higher than the Mortal Realm but we had nothing to increase the density of our affinity type energies and no pills or formations to help. After ten minutes it was obvious that it was going to take a long while before we would be able to push energy into the ring and activate it. Our bodies were different and not just in the fact that I had changed sex. There were now twelve superficial meridians and a further two that were central that linked in with the core meridian, plus with all our secondary meridians, we had a large lake to fill.
Besides we were all freezing so we needed a new plan.
I spent five minutes going over the information that Ice had gathered and added new lines of inquiry while both May and Switch were doing the same.
“So it is not all bad news,” I commented.
“I quite like the new look. You look just like your sister but with better eyes,” Switch answered with a smile.
“Ha, Ha, very funny,” I responded and then thought that two could play at this game. “Maybe now I can get you to go out on a date with me,” I said with a wink.
“Stop flirting, I am cold,” May complained.
I blushed in embarrassment. “Right, well the Earth Realm is not completely primitive. The country we are in now is called 'England' and we are standing on a heritage site called 'Stonehenge'. This country I would put on a technological level with our world about two hundred years ago. Custom wise going naked could get us in trouble with the law as well as being inappropriate for the weather conditions. The more technological parts of the world are just in the process of going digital and money is a combination of the two. Fortunately, their version of digital security is laughable which means we should be able to get money quite easily, but shops are closed at night and going into a shop naked without being able to speak their language would be a disaster.”
“We are going to need to steal some clothes, aren't we?” Switch asked.
“Maybe, but we can't get caught and wearing anything, even a towel would be enough to be considered lawful, weird but legal. However, there is something called a charity shop and in the small town nearby we should be able to find one. People donate clothes to these shops so that they can sell them for a small price and donate their profits to good causes. They usually do the donating at night so hopefully, we can find some clothes outside the shop. There will be cameras and if they are logged on to the internet, Ice can delete the images, but there is the possibility that some will be non-digital.”
Switch switched into combat mode, all expression leaving her face. Her ability to do this was the reason she got her nickname. “It is best if we jog to get there to keep warm, then you two will stay outside any observable media while I retrieve any appropriate items,” Switch said as she took over.
“There is also something called an ATM that Ice can guide you to. She can speak to the ATM and get it to give you some local currency. If you need to speak to someone Ice can translate easily enough but until we have had a sleep and used the sleep-learning function you will have to rely on phonetically reproducing what Ice shows you to respond.”
Switch nodded her head and we set off. Switch and May had their own internal computers but mine and in particular, my software, was far more advanced so Ice had copied herself onto their hardware. We could keep in touch within a five-kilometre radius and I had installed bioelectric batteries which could increase our range to twenty-five kilometres for short bursts.
We were all pretty fit with Switch making sure that we worked out regularly. Our bodies had obviously been recreated with different meridians and, at least in Switch and May's case, otherwise was a perfect replica. I could tell that Switch had lost her scar on her chest which probably meant all our scars had gone. I was completely hairless after my cancer treatments, so having any hair was a surprise to me. All of us had hair as far as the body could grow it, I guessed. My hair almost reached my knees, Switch's hair was curly so only reached her waist and May's hair just covered her butt.
Before my transformation, I was the tallest and now I was the smallest with the shortest stride. Switch had always been quite tall at just under six feet so I had been only an inch taller. May hadn't reached her full growth on the Mortal Realm and was now looking at about five feet eight inches. I was a little bit shorter than her. I would have guessed that Switch had reduced in age to about sixteen or seventeen years old, which probably meant I was similarly young again. Being young I could cope with, it was being a girl that was more worrying. Not only that but all the energy that we had accumulated was gone, so we were starting from scratch from that point of view, with none of the previous advantages and a bigger glass to fill.
I did have the formula for the pills and the instructions on how to make it, so if I could get the ingredients and the right equipment I could probably make the energy gathering pills.
I was trying my best to think about anything other than my gender change but it was so hard. Every step I took felt different and I couldn't help thinking that it was because I had no bits in the way and my hips were wider. Ice would be able to control my hormones so that I had no obvious signs of a monthly cycle, but all women I had spoken to, still talked about feeling emotionally off at that time. I could get pregnant, I could have a baby. No, I couldn't, that would involve a man and even the thought of that was a disgusting thought.
Would my mind change? Would I start to think of men as attractive? My sister was a model, considered one of the beauties of the world, if I looked like her men would hit on me all the time. This was a disaster. How was I supposed to live my life as a woman?
Chapter 12
We had been travelling across fields in the dark and now we were approaching civilisation with street lighting and roads. It was a little bit after four in the morning with no one about. The journey to that point had been across fields with the ground soft and slightly muddy. None of us were used to staying barefoot and our feet were feeling sore. There wasn't much we could do about it though.
Switch left us hiding between two houses, sheltered by the house on one side, fence on the other, between a gate behind us and a bin in front. May and I huddled together for warmth. Switch had about a kilometre to go and Ice was able to keep us informed of her progress.
I started search inquiries with Ice to help work out our next steps.
“I've found out what happened to my mother,” May said in a sad voice that made me fear the worst.
I had Ice show me the details visually while I responded verbally. “What happened?”
“She arrived during daylight with tourists looking on taking pictures. The flash of light was presumed to be lightning and the tourists and police were far enough away that they didn't actually see her ascending. Just a naked girl in an area no one is allowed to be. She was arrested but with her inability to speak the language she was presumed to be a refugee.” May took a deep breath before continuing. “They say she murdered a man. Mum was never violent, she would never do such a thing.”
“Switch has insisted that we both learn to fight. Not because either of us is violent, but because the world is often violent. If someone attacked you I would defend you. If that meant killing someone, I don't think I would hesitate. Your mum was convicted but she couldn't speak the language and no one could translate for her. Your mum is beautiful and sometimes that draws out the worst in some men. I very much doubt she has a different personality to what you remember.”
“You're right,” May responded. “Maybe it is just loyalty but all I can imagine are excuses for why she did it. I guess I can only find out after talking to her. I'm pretty sure that is going to have to wait. From the information I have gathered, I think she has ascended to the next realm. Not that they say that, just that she escaped but left her clothes behind and they have no clue how she did it.”
“How do you feel about that?” I asked.
“Disappointed, but not badly. I mean I really hoped to be able to see her soon, but with all the scenarios we went through, most of them suggested it would be really difficult to find out what happened to her. All I had to do was ask Ice to search through databases to look for her image. This was only a year ago so it took her five years to ascend. Hopefully, with all your innovations we will be able to follow her a little more closely and we know that she will be looking for the Ng clan in the Terra Realm,” May answered.
“We will find her, but you are right, we now have a new mission goal, ascend to the Terra Realm.”
“How are you coping will your new look?” May asked carefully.
“I don't feel any different,” then I snorted at my ridiculous wording. “I feel entirely different, but what I meant was I still feel like I am me, I guess. It is all these weird things that remind me that I have changed that are jarring.”
“Like what?” May asked curiously.
“Hair fluttering, touching me all over the place, especially when it brushes against my nipples, which I might add are way more sensitive than they were. Not feeling anything between my legs, looking up at you both because I have shrunk or my balance is all off with this extra weight on my chest and then it is more subtle things like giggling or my voice. I can't remember giggling before and I definitely don't sound like myself.”
May giggled. “What about boys?” she asked teasingly,
“How old are you?”
“Hey, I was fourteen, old enough to get married and I think my body is a bit older now, the same age as your body,” she responded. “What about boys?” she repeated.
“I think they are disgusting. Don't tell me you've become interested, we haven't seen any.”
“How can you call them disgusting? You used to be one, besides, the reason I didn't mention them before was because it's not something you want to discuss with your 'uncle'. I couldn't talk to Switch about them as she clearly is not interested,” May replied.
“It's because I used to be one that I know how disgusting they are. Believe me, they only have one thing on their mind and your personality is not where they are focussing.” I sighed sadly. “I'm not interested in them, but I am scared that I will become so.”
I felt May hug me a bit tighter. “If that happens I am here for you, if not then Switch will be. I do admire her. Our society is pretty brutal on those who don't conform on the creating babies front. I didn't really understand until she made me think about being forced to be with a woman. I hope this world and the next are less discriminating.”
“I think that will be your job, once we are more settled. We need to not stick out in this society so you need to work out what we need to do to fit in. Cultural taboos and normal practice. I am going to try and work out how to improve our cultivating speed and Switch will concentrate on defence.”
“Do you think you will be able to reverse the changes on the next ascension?” May asked.
“No, I don't think so. Gene therapy is very complicated and I don't even know exactly what they did. It was supposed to reduce the chances of my prostate cancer ever coming back, not that it worked.”
May giggled. “I'm pretty sure it's never going to come back now.”
The conversation went quiet so I tried to work out what we were going to do next.
Chapter 13
When Switch arrived at the charity shop she was able to go through a few bags that had been left outside. There wasn't a lot of stuff. She managed to wear a pair of men's trousers and shirt. She found a jumper that she hoped was long enough to cover my newly acquired female bits and a long coat that should cover May sufficiently. The only shoes available were one pair of men's loafers that were way too big, but she stuffed them with some children's clothes so that she could walk in them.
Ice was able to get the ATM to give Switch five hundred pounds by creating an account and pretending money had been shifted from another bank into that account and was now being withdrawn. The money was not being stolen, just digitally created from nothing. Rather than stopping the picture taken by the ATM, Ice changed the features on the face so that it looked like a man had been there. Digital transactions would be easy to cover up, change or make up, but physical interactions needed more background.
We needed new identities and Ice gave us two possibilities. Either we used a missing person database or created a refugee identity. The missing person identity would be more solid if someone checked it but would involve a risk of family members interfering. Some refugees came to this country with no documents at all, especially if they came from war-torn regions. We would have to learn another language, but that was easy enough with Ice and sleep-learning. We chose the refugee idea with Ice using other scanned documents as a template to be altered and inserted into the right databases with our pictures. We needed an address before we could become official and the best way to do that was to stay at a hotel that was also used by the government for refugees. Stay there long enough to sort out legal documents and bank accounts before moving on. Ice got all that started. To make it all work we now needed to be at 'The Sailor's Arms' in Portsmouth within two days.
By the time Switch had returned to us and we gratefully put on the clothes that she had found it was just after five am in the morning. We were all now covering our naughty bits, but not comfortable or normally dressed by any means. Ice was able to call a taxi and coach us in asking for a particular address. She was even able to tell us that the taxi was heading in the right direction. The taxi driver did try and talk to us and we just repeated 'no understand' until he gave up. I didn't like the way he looked at me, or more accurately, looked at my legs rather than my face when he arrived.
The destination that we had chosen was a twenty-four-hour supermarket that also sold clothes. There wasn't a great range, but enough to get us all looking human again. And very appreciative of shoes. It was a lot warmer inside so we took our time. I was guided by May in my clothes choices but wanted simple non-revealing clothes that weren't too feminine. Even putting on a pair of plain panties felt weird, reminding me of what wasn't there. We all ended up dressed similarly in colourful yoga pants, a tight top that gave support to my new assets, a hoodie that zipped up, these tiny socks and trainers. We bought two of everything, toiletries and food. We then took a taxi to the railway station and started heading towards Portsmouth. I don't know how we would have coped without Ice translating everything, pointing us in the right direction, telling us when to get off or move to a different part of the train.
It seemed quite complex for a simple journey and used up most of the rest of our money so we had to go to another ATM for a top-up before heading via taxi to The Sailor's Arms. We organised staying for two days using one room that had a double bed and a single. We didn't want to go straight to sleep since it was early afternoon although we all felt exhausted. Instead, we moved the furniture aside to create barely enough space and performed the EG kata. The Earth Realm hasn't figured out any effective electrical shielding so everywhere we had been was almost dripping in lightning energy. This was great for May and me, but not so much for Switch.
The other thing that had changed for me with my gender change was the usual loss of energy as the prana was assimilated into chi. Before, half of the energy that I had absorbed would dissipate and now I didn't seem to lose any energy. I think that meant I was a combination of yin and yang or male and female. That response left me a little confused unsure whether to be happy or sad about it. On the plus side, I could absorb twice as much energy in the same amount of time but it also meant I was in-between male and female, not quite one or the other. It did sort of fit with how I felt. I felt male even if my body was now completely female.
As soon as we could vaguely describe the day as evening, we all went to bed. Although the double bed was small, we all squeezed together hugging each other for emotional comfort. The sleep-learning would start with English then Arabic as refugees from Syria were the most common and a lot of them had very little documentation. We probably didn't look Syrian with our pale skin, but a lot of Syrians covered up so we thought we could get away with it as long as we could speak the right language.
We stayed for two days mostly keeping to ourselves, eating the food we had got from the supermarket, trying to gather as much energy as possible with the EG kata and practising our new languages. Switch had me sparring with her to get used to my new body and using the Water Method. Really we were just waiting for our identity papers to arrive so that we could create legitimate bank accounts. We had to choose new names and they needed to be Syrian so I became Amira, Switch became Jamal, May became Maja and we all took the surname of Antar. To make it easier to English ears we all had nicknames. I was Amy, Jamal became Jamie and Maja returned to May. Our new goal was to ascend to the Terra Realm, but we thought we would have some breaks to tour this new world and make some nice memories.
To make all this possible we needed money and the more of it that we had the better and easier it would be. Ice could just alter records and just give us money but that had the possibility of being discovered and felt dishonest. Once I had access to the ring, money would not be a problem, but explaining where the gold or other precious resources came from could be difficult. It took me months to get to the stage where I could push energy into the ring originally and that was with ideal conditions and taking energy gathering pills. Now we had more meridians to fill including all the secondary meridians that I had opened. I understood now why it was not recommended despite the benefits it gave to the body.
My original ideas for wealth generation included selling formulas for treating things like obesity. In the Mortal Realm, no one needed these any more since our internal computers could modify our metabolism to keep us in a healthy range, but there was a time when it was a serious problem and a drug company had eventually come up with a solution. That would generate huge sums of money but there were so many hoops to jump through before you could sell it would take years and that wasn't practical.
The fastest wealth-generating scheme seemed to be gambling of some kind. The biggest advantage to that was there was no tax to pay, of course, most people who gambled lost money and often quickly. Ice was my trump card. She investigated the possibilities and decided that you could earn money playing poker. Chance and luck definitely played a role, but Ice could calculate probabilities so the whole experience became a maths problem. She managed to use simple things like how long someone delayed before betting, how they responded previously, what they bet when they were bluffing or when they had a good hand and gathered all that information to work out what to do.
She didn't win every hand and she sometimes did all the right things but luck was against her. But... all she needed to earn money was to be more right than wrong and keep making the right decisions. She used my bank account and started by digitally approving a large overdraft so we had some money to play with.
Renting a house would be tricky with no evidence of earning, no references and no previous addresses apart from the Hotel. To buy something we would have to wait until Ice had made enough money. Location was easy enough to work out, we knew that May's mum, Liu, had ascended out of the women's prison near Guildford so we needed to base ourselves near there. In the meantime, we visited a camping store and bought a large tent, blow-up mattresses, sleeping bags, tracksuits, food and equipment. To help with our cultivating I bought a long extension lead and an electric heater. The idea was to loop the lead and since it was not shielded it should create a lot of lightning energy. Two gas stoves should help Switch with fire energy and being around nature should help her with both earth and wood energy.
Hiding away for a few weeks should give Ice time to gather some funds while we worked out the cultural norms and tried to fit into society. To carry everything we needed to buy four large rucksacks. Switch carried one on her front and another on her back. Public transport took us to Guildford and a taxi from there got us to the Horsley Camping and Caravanning Club.
Chapter 14
Our days were filled with cultivating and research. When the sun went down we made dinner, talked about our findings and relaxed. It was awkward trying to keep working at night although we could access our internal computer for entertainment. We had downloaded movies and TV programs from the internet that we were watching for a combination of fun and research.
“This world is obsessed with sex,” May remarked.
“I think what is easily available on the internet is not a representative sample. If you look on the Netflix site, none of those movies are offered,” Switch commented.
“I think it ties in with my analysis of the culture. From what I can work out, women are not considered equal. Less able physically and mentally, given jobs under the supervision of men, paid less and treated as less,” I noted.
“At least they have accepted intellectually that women are equal, even if they don't act that way. It is even worse in other parts of this realm,” Switch added.
“We do need to talk about what we need to do to fit in. Like clothing choices,” May suggested. “Even their different religions dictated that women had to wear different clothes to men.”
“I will follow your advice, but I do think they are linked,” I argued. “Because women have been powerless their only option to safety and security was through a man, so everything leads from that. Women competing with each other to attract a mate.”
“Women are doing ridiculous things in the name of beauty. The western world at least has accepted that women are not inferior, I don't see why we have to undergo torture to fit in,” Switch stated firmly.
“I told you, Switch, as soon as we have a house I will be able to order the right reagents and use the kitchen to create a permanent hair removing cream. Ice has the formula and the methodology. We don't have to wax to fit in.”
“I'm not sure I want my hair down there removed permanently and I am unsure about your permanent makeup idea,” she responded.
“If ascension can read my DNA and give me a new body, I'm pretty sure such things will disappear when we go up. Besides, do you seriously want to put makeup on every day? I'm not saying we can't learn the skills involved, but do you want to? I know I don't.”
“Ascension didn't remove our internal computers or that ring, what if it is permanent?” Switch argued.
“I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm just telling you what I am going to do. If I am wrong, I will have to live with the consequences,” I replied.
“I'm with uncle, er... aunty,” May added. “Can we talk about hair cuts?”
Switch huffed. “Why not.”
“Girls can have short hair, but long hair for girls is hugely more common. Not as long as ours though, but I did have a thought. When we ascend it is going to be this long again and we don't know how easy it will be to see a hairdresser if they even have such a thing. They have developed all sorts of ways of managing long hair here. I have been practising on aunty and she has been helping me. Are you sure you are getting yours cut?” May asked.
“Yes. I will go to a proper hairdresser and they can choose something suitably feminine so I don't stand out, but I am not dealing with long hair any longer. Curly hair is much harder to deal with in a long style,” Switch answered. “I'm surprised Prof here is willing to keep it long.”
“May begged me as she needs someone to practise on and I quite like it when she plays with my hair,” I admitted. “It's soothing. I'm not sure about the piercings though. The earlobe seems harmless and the bellybutton might actually be helpful when we can get the space ring functional, but there is no way I am doing my lips, nose, tongue, nipple or clitoris.”
“I doubt they will be corrected with ascension. Each of us can decide what we are having done. I'm keeping my decisions private. Maybe if you take me out on a few dates I might let you check,” Switch said with a naughty smile.
“Just date already,” May said firmly.
We both looked at her in shock.
“You have been flirting with each other since uncle became aunty. You love each other as friends, Switch has always been attracted to girls and let me tell you, aunty, you make a good looking woman. You've always found Switch attractive. We are not on the Mortal Realm any more. These kinds of things are acceptable here.”
There was an awkward silence.
“I'm going for a walk,” May announced, grabbing a torch. “I'll stomp my feet before coming in.”
Another awkward silence.
We had watched the TV programme 'Friends' the other night so I tried to be funny. “How you doin'?” I said attempting to mimic Joey's accent.
Switch smiled at me. “I do find you attractive,” she admitted softly.
“I'm confused. I've always wanted to date you but in this new body, I feel shy and nervous. I'm curious about sex, but scared and embarrassed at the same time.”
Switch moved closer to me. “We'll take it slow,” she said to reassure me.
Her head lowered towards mine, I lifted up still keeping eye contact until our lips brushed and my eyes closed involuntarily while my mind concentrated on the beautiful sensation. I felt her arm gently going around me to hold me as our kiss deepened. It was a very different feeling. I was aroused and there was a little bit of sensation in my breasts and my pussy, but what surprised me was a more emotional closeness and joy in companionship. Switch was bigger than me and it would have been uncomfortable if I had been taking the dominant physical position, but I felt like I was being sheltered and cherished and for the first time, I really felt female. It felt too good to fight it, so I submitted willingly.
Chapter 15
We couldn't really date until we had a house sorted. We cuddled and kissed. Switch teased me by drawing circles on my belly when we were spooning at night, getting close to some naughty areas but never quite getting there. My confusion continued, unsure whether I wanted her to explore or not. May decided to move to the other mattress, sleeping alone, although sometimes joining us in the morning for a platonic cuddle.
Under a little pressure from me, Ice had gathered enough money for a deposit, although she hoped to have enough money to pay for the house entirely by the time we needed it, it gave us the opportunity to start looking. We quite quickly chose a house. It was near a power relay station with overhead power cables which meant it wasn't very popular, had been on the market for a long time and was going for a relatively cheap price. Probably harmful to people who didn't have an affinity for lightning. Switch thought she would be alright temporarily and we would start shielding the common rooms after we had access to the ring space. Being a cultivator probably meant that she would be immune to any detrimental effects. We did find it strange that the house had been built there in the first place. It wasn't that people didn't know that it was harmful, there had been numerous studies done already proving that.
Even with our offer accepted and being a cash buyer, it was still going to take three weeks for the legal elements to be completed. Enough time for Ice to gather funds and for me to work out what I needed to order in terms of both equipment and resources to be able to manufacture the energy gathering pill and the hair removing cream.
May had taken our sizes and was in charge of our wardrobe. She had done her research using magazines and was ordering lots of stuff from online shops. Switch was also ordering stuff but kept her stuff more secret. May was also insisting that, while keeping our end goal in sight, we spend time to enjoy ourselves. She talked about the socialisation that was mandatory at school and that we needed to follow the same principles. We needed the opportunity to meet others. There was no point in making close friendships bearing in mind that we would be leaving this realm and no one would be able to follow, but that didn't mean we couldn't be friendly.
We decided that once we were settled in the new house we would cultivate during the week and spend the weekends trying different things. There were a lot of things on offer in Guildford and London was not that far away.
I was getting used to this new body. I still felt more male than female. If I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't see anything and asked myself if I was male or female I would definitely say, male. In the light, it was very hard to argue with a female designation. I was all over the place in my thoughts about dating Switch. When she cuddled me and lightly touched my belly I knew she was thinking naughty thoughts and that scared and thrilled me in equal measure. In the end, excitement won. I was enjoying our kissing sessions, relaxing more into it as the anxiety faded and ready for the next step.
Switch, although insistent that she was going to have a short hairstyle, started joining May playing with my hair. We worked on different types of plaits and what could be done with a few bobby pins. I practised doing it on my own as well. It was ridiculously long and awkward to care for, but we all knew that when we ascended our hair would be this long again. We wouldn't immediately have access to a pair of scissors or a knife and if my prediction of each world having more elemental energy but less technology held true, we would be going to a relatively primitive world.
The other worry about a primitive world was that lightning energy would be significantly less concentrated. We could solve that once we could access the ring, but if we started on the Terra Realm the same way we started here, with no energy in our meridians, that could be a long way off. Switch would be unaffected, I would still have wind and water to draw from, but May would be limited to what was available from lightning strikes.
So while waiting for the house to go through, I was racking my brain, trying to think of a way to access the ring sooner and work out a way to do the same in the Terra Realm. The ring had to be activated with some kind of intelligence. I couldn't just attach a power source to the ring. The reason why I thought that is because I realised there were some inconsistencies. When I entered the ring space, what I was deliberately touching came in with me, but was I not also touching the floor? Air existed in the ring space but there was nothing to produce it. I could understand it not running out if there was no limit to the size involved, but if I was bringing the air with me, why did it not have any elemental energy? My overall conclusion was that my thoughts were influencing my use of the ring and the ring space itself. I didn't want to jinx it but my first ideas of creating a formation block and linking it to the ring wouldn't work because there was no energy in the ring space where I last left it to be gathered and there would be no intelligence guiding it.
I did think creating a formation block was feasible though and that could help with our cultivation. This world had primitive versions of fabricators called three-dimensional printers that could be used with salt crystals and water to make formation blocks.
My next idea was to inject elemental energy into the meridian that was close to the ring and then mentally direct it into the ring. There were numerous difficulties with that idea. My body would reject any energy that I was not in alignment with so I could only inject pure lightning, wind or water energy and separating them out was almost impossible. The only real possibility was lightning energy since we could deliberately produce it and when we did it would only be lightning energy.
I couldn't just use electrical energy as that creates damage, burns the tissues and achieves nothing. But what was the difference between electricity and lightning energy? I was pretty sure lightning energy could create lightning which was no different from electricity. Using electricity created an area rich in lightning energy.
Going back to my experiments with formations, I found using an electrical conductor pushed the electricity through too quickly and I needed to find a medium that would slow down the transfer of energy. I couldn't do any experiments until we moved into the new house and even then they were not my first priority. We needed to set ourselves up for the long haul which included creating a cultivating space and making the energy gathering pills. To better fit in I was also going to make the hair removal cream. I thought Switch was right, there was no way I was going to yank out all of my hairs. The youtube videos looked scary.
Chapter 16
May's POV
Aunty worried too much. I know her planning and experiments were really helpful, but we were missing out on enjoying the now. We had a whole new world to explore. I loved the new clothes and although I didn't like any of the work involved, I was thrilled with the process of making ourselves pretty. Aunty was going to have the permanent makeup option, I don't think Switch was going to bother, but I was experimenting with Ice's help with all the products available.
What amazed me was how different your face could look just by emphasising different features. Even Switch got excited then although she was more interested in disguises. Aunty didn't really need makeup to look beautiful, but a little bit of lipstick and eye shadow brought out the wow. I wasn't going to choose permanent makeup when I could change my look every day just by painting my face.
It was a little bit awkward with Aunty and Switch flirting so much and us all living in a tent, but I wanted them both to be happy so I tried to give them space. In the Mortal Realm, same-sex relationships were heavily discouraged. I have to admit that I was a little bit prejudiced but Aunty insisted that I approach Switch with an open mind and to my surprise, I found out she wasn't some weird sexual deviant like I had been taught.
Aunty explained that our culture was heavily influenced by our relatively rapid ageing, as compared to other realms, which meant our survival as a species depended on early heterosexual marriage followed shortly by children. Anything outside of that would not help society and would be frowned upon. People lived so much longer here in the Earth Realm that women often didn't start having children until they were in their thirties. Aunty also suggested that it would be even more common in the next realms although that might be mitigated by a more primitive male-dominated society.
Even though I know it is wrong, but being honest with myself I know I was a lot more accepting of Aunty's growing relationship with Switch because Aunty was originally Uncle. Despite his body physically changing he, or I guess she now, seemed to be the same person. It made sense that Uncle would find a woman attractive so I found it easy to see her, as Aunty, being interested in Switch. I didn't understand how it would physically work, but I wasn't interested in finding out either.
When we moved into the new house I chose the bedroom furthest away from the master. Switch nominally put some of her stuff into the third bedroom but slept every night in the master with Aunty. I'm guessing something happened to further their relationship as Aunty changed from looking nervous to happy. Switch always had a predator look about her, at least when she was looking at Aunty. After that happened I tried to not disturb them so much and if I felt the need for a cuddle I approached carefully, making sure I wasn't interrupting anything.
We spent a lot of time doing the EG kata and I could feel the difference cultivating near the power relay station. Still, it was going to take us quite some time to get to the stage where we could have enough energy in our systems to be able to mentally move it around. Those energy gathering pills made quite some difference.
Aunty attempted to make some of the pills using the herbs that she had ordered, glass measuring jugs and the ceramic stove. It turned into a mess so she ordered lots of complex glass apparatus and heating elements to replicate what we found on the bench in the ring space. In the meantime, she was experimenting with entering the ring space, which prompted another family meeting.
“Alright, I've got some good news and some not so good news,” Aunty told us.
“Lay it on, sister,” Switch replied.
Switch liked trying to use all these different expressions and especially liked to emphasise Aunty's new feminine form. Fortunately, Aunty didn't seem to mind and Ice was able to translate anything I didn't understand.
“I've managed to find a way to access the ring space, but I need your help and it can only be done is short bursts,” Aunty answered.
“That is wonderful, how did you manage that?” Switch responded.
I groaned but tried to keep it quiet. Switch should know by now that you didn't ask Aunty for explanations.
“Well, I filled these tubes with rock salt and a hint of water. Hooking them up with a car battery as the electrical generator and applying one to the meridian before the ring and one after the ring to create a circuit allows me to get a localised increased energy that I can divert into the ring,” Aunty explained.
“And when the battery runs out no more energy goes into the ring?” Switch asked.
“That would be true but, to be honest, that is not the limiting factor. The battery supplies electrical energy and the water energy is fine too, but there is earth energy in the rock salt which I am not compatible with so applying the energy hurts and does a bit of damage,” she responded.
“How much damage?” I asked nervously. There were lots of things I wanted that we had stored in the ring space, but I didn't want Aunty to hurt herself.
Aunty sighed. “That is hard to answer. I went into the ring space for a few seconds and the pain took about an hour to die down. I can't really move, but if you both came with me, it wouldn't take long to get the two things that we need; the pharmaceutical fabricator and the portable fabricator. I can assemble a suitable power transformer from local components and likewise, I can buy suitable reagents or resources.”
“Is it worth it?” I asked. “Yes, I want to see my mother again, but I haven't seen her for years, a few more won't matter. I don't want to put you through pain just to speed up the process.”
Aunty smiled at me in a very caring way. “Maybe I am being a little impatient. It's not just about speed, with the fabricator we can create armour and weapons. We will be a lot safer and for that, I am willing to sacrifice a bit of pain. With the pharmaceutical fabricator, you can get me some decent pain killers. I have to admit I didn't realise how much opening our secondary meridians would slow us down when I am not able to cheat with technology. I am even more worried about the next world. Lightning is a wonderful attribute to be attuned to when in a technological world, but if the world is more primitive the amount in the atmosphere is likely to be very weak compared to what we are used to. Without access to our ring space, cultivating could be very slow.”
“Only for me,” I remarked. “You still have wind and water affinities and Switch has three affinities that should be abundant in a primitive world. I have confidence that we would be alright if we ascended normally, but I expect you will develop a few tricks between now and then. You could consider opening our secondary meridians as a mistake, but you needed to do that to be healthy and if we hadn't then we wouldn't be able to ascend together.”
“Not only that,” Switch added, “with our secondary meridians opened we are more combat effective and if we ever learn techniques that utilize our chi energy, we would have a much larger pool to draw from. We will be able to punch much above our level.”
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The Legal Stuff: Vivid Dream Reality ©2017 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
Chapter 1
I sat facing the beautiful elven high priestess. She had a frown on her face, but I don't think any expression could seriously dampen her stunning good looks.
“Do you know why you are here?”
I sort of knew. I was in a vivid dream reality, VDR, so I was stuck in this game unless I died. I desperately wanted to leave the game so I had been very reckless today. I thought I had been careful and tried not to endanger any of the other characters. Considering the fact that VDR only consists of a helmet and is deliberately not connected to any internet, the only way to play multiplayer games is if my helmet was physically connected to another VDR headset and since I was in my flat alone, I knew I didn't need to be worried about any other players. Still, I just couldn't bring myself to be nasty to anyone, even if they were only a computer generated image.
“Err...maybe I was a little over enthusiastic?”
“Ragar reported that you were suicidal.”
“I think that is a bit strong.” The computer system is obviously more perceptive than I expected. My flatmate, Veronica or Vee for short, who is the owner of the VDR headset, had convinced me to give it a go. I have never really been into gaming, nor could I have afforded the ridiculously priced VDR.
Once you put the helmet on it uses auditory and visual effects to drop you in a semi-hypnotic state so that the images and sounds it produced allowed the mind to fill in the blanks with all the other senses. It was true, really effective, virtual reality. However there were a couple of drawbacks. The person you became was based on your mind image, so you couldn't be anything other than yourself, a human and in the same condition that you were in real life. The mind went into a kind of turbo mode so 2 hours gaming was equivalent to a week in the VDR. You couldn't access any interface so you were stuck in the game until your time ran out or you died.
The problem was the world that you went to was generated by the computer game that you loaded into the system. I'm guessing Vee thought I was gay, since, in the game loaded, the only intimacy allowed was with the same sex. I was surrounded by beautiful women who were not interested because I was a guy and handsome men who kept touching me inappropriately and being very suggestive. If there had been any question in my mind about my sexuality, I would now know that I had no homosexual leanings at all. I had thought these games were also used for sexual gratification, and judging by the actions of the computer generated characters, I would say, suspicion confirmed. Pretty much all the characters were beautiful. All the men had six packs and all the women had large assets, slim waists and amazing smiles.
She carried on frowning at me. I am pretty sure she was not convinced. She got up and came around the desk so that she was right in front of me. I moved my chair back a bit to give her room. She kept eye contact with me and then touched my forehead with her finger and said “I ask for truth, by Lagbit's will, I ask for truth.”
Lagbit was the god in the game that she was the high priestess to. I was set up to be an apprentice priest as well. I think she had just cast a truth spell on me. I had no idea whether that would work on me.
She released her touch and went back to her chair. “Shall we start again. And the truth this time. Were you suicidal today?”
“Yes.” The word slipped out unintended. Crickey, the truth spell worked.
“If you went out again tomorrow, would you be suicidal again?”
“Yes.” I was tempted to put my hand over my mouth to try and stop the words, but then it would look like I was trying to lie.
Her frown was gone to be replaced by a look of compassion and caring. How a computer program could show caring I have no idea. Somehow I was convinced that she really cared about me. She got up and took my hand and led me to a couch and then cuddled me. “Are you really that unhappy?” she murmured to me.
Again, I couldn't help the response. “Yes.”
“Why? Whatever is the matter?”
My true mother was a bit of a cold fish, never interested in cuddling. I was lucky if I got a pat on the head. I am not sure if it was the truth spell or just the fact that I had a caring woman, who, despite looking the same age as me, probably due to her elven heritage, was taking on a maternal role. Whatever the reason, I was soon crying and blurting out my unhappiness with my situation. In particular, all the unwanted male attention.
She didn't say anything at first, just made soothing noises and stroked me, making me feel better. In her arms I felt like a child. I am a twenty year old man, I can't even remember the last time I cried. In my defence, she was probably hundreds of years old and saw all humans as children. I was either ignoring, forgetting or downright discarding the fact that she was a computer program, and relating to her as if she was real.
“Well I can only think of two solutions.”
“Err...you can solve this?” I had been racking my brain since I had first discovered my predicament and had come up with nothing. I had never thought to approach the high priestess and ask for her advice.
“Maybe. Either you change your sexual orientation and I have no idea how to do that, or we change your sex.”
“Change my sex.”
“Yes. I will have to do some research in the library, but I am sure there is a transformation spell. More accurately, I think it is a combination of potion, ritual and spell. It will take a lot of effort by quite a few of us, but if that is the only way to make you happy, that is what we need to do.”
I didn't know something like that was possible. I mean I had read that your character came from your body image, so you didn't have a choice as to how you would appear. Did I want to be changed into a woman? There was conflict in my mind. Society had taught me that I was a man and had to act like it. Whenever I had done anything that was thought to be at all feminine, I was laughed at. I knew that I was supposed to react strongly to the idea of changing my gender. Despite that, I had never seen women as lessor, just different. This was an opportunity to find out how the other half of the population lived. The computer wasn't going to judge me and no one else had to know.
“I would like you to go to your room and meditate. I will try and arrange everything for tonight. When all is ready, I will send someone to collect you.” She stood up, holding me up at the same time. Still looking at me with caring in her eyes.
I leaned forwards and kissed her on the cheek. “Thank you high priestess.” I went back to my room. I had a big decision to make. I guess if I really didn't like it, I would just have to be more successful in committing suicide by orc or goblin. Plus I was pretty sure I wasn't going to have to experience the downsides of being female, at least they were downsides from a male perspective. No periods and no pregnancy. Life was about to get very interesting.
Chapter 2
Some time later, I have no idea how much, there are no clocks after all, the high priestess visited me. My room only consisted of a bed with a chest at the end that had my clothes, a small table with a chair. I sat on the bed and the high priestess sat on the chair, but turned around so that she was facing me.
“I have done my research and we should still be on for tonight, there were a couple of things that came up that we need to discuss.”
“OK, priestess.”
“The first thing I discovered was that the process will not work unless you completely surrender to it. You cannot be changed against your will. Changing who you are fundamentally, can be an uncomfortable process and at each stage you need to relax into the changes. I need you to be sure. Is this what you want?”
“I have to be honest and say I have never thought about being a woman before today. I have no idea of what it will be like, but I am desperately unhappy as I am and it seems the best solution. I have meditated on the idea and come to the conclusion that it is right for me.”
“Good, good. Now the other issue is about the potion that I have to brew. In order for you to be changed there needs to be a clear image of what you are going to change into. And I don't just mean how you are going to look externally. There are a lot of internal changes that need to occur. The potion is designed to take the essence of someone and provide that blueprint to guide your body to the necessary changes.”
“Does that mean I will look like the person whose essence is in the potion?”
“Yes, but not look like, you will become an identical copy, internally and externally. Since you are my responsibility and I cannot ask anyone else to do this, it is my intention to use my essence. Before I did that, I needed to check that you would be alright with that.”
She was the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen. She looked about 18 despite acting like a mature woman. Having said that, in my limited time in this VDR I had not seen any elves that looked older than 18. She had high cheekbones, large expressive lavender eyes with long eyelashes. A cute button nose and a smallish mouth with plumpish lips Her hair was a beautiful golden blond with just a slight wave to it, covering her slightly pointed ears. She had exaggerated curves, endowed with a hefty bosom, narrow waist and rounded bottom. She was also almost 6 feet tall with long slim legs. In short, she had won the lottery in the looks department and was offering me the same deal.
“More than alright. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met.”
She blushed. “Thank you, dear. After the transformation, we will need to move you out of the men wing and into the female wing. Since you are unfamiliar with your new role, you need to be around a role model to help you with your transition. I am providing my essence, so I have decided to look upon it as a chance to gain a daughter. If you are agreeable, you can move in with me.”
“I would like that very much. You have such a caring nature, I already see you in that role to some extent.”
“As the high priestess I have a suite so you will have your own bedroom and I am not adverse to you inviting some female company back to your room should you come to an arrangement. Outside of the suite I will still have to be addressed as high priestess, inside, I would prefer Myra or, if you are comfortable, mother.”
Sometimes words are not enough. I leaned forwards with my arms open and a smile on my face. She bridged the gap and pulled my head onto her significant chest, hugging me tightly. We stayed that way for a good while then let go together. She tried to surreptitiously wipe a tear from her eye before carrying on.
“Now that is all agreed let me explain what is going to happen. Whilst I am preparing the potion, three priestesses will come to your room and lead you down to the female sacred baths where they will wash you and rub you down with special oils. You will remain naked and be taken to the altar in our church. While you lie on the altar all the priestesses who are willing to help will enter and surround you in circles. I think everyone wants to be there so there should be over a hundred of us. I will bring the potion to you for you to drink. This is important. After drinking the potion you need to start chanting 'I submit myself to Lagbit to be made anew.' We will all be sending energy to you and the rest is up to Lagbit.”
I was going to be naked in front of all the girls. If I died of embarrassment, that would be one way to get out of this predicament. After Myra had been so nice to me, I wanted this to work. I have to admit I was curious. What would it feel like to not have a penis? What would it feel like to have breasts? Would I change mentally? I knew men and women thought differently. At least it was only until my 2 hours were up, although it would feel like another 6 days.
I took a deep breath. Smiled at Myra. “I submit myself to Lagbit to be made anew. I will be ready.”
We had one more cuddle and then she left.
Within maybe ten minutes three gorgeous girls arrived to start the most embarrassing day of my life. I followed them down to the sacred baths and had to strip naked. My clothes were ceremoniously burned and then the three beauties also stripped and led me into the bath. I knew none of them were interested in me and in my defence, I think I was sexually frustrated before I entered the game, so it wasn't too surprising that my body got a bit excited. And then, of course, they washed me. I couldn't really look any of them in the eye. Yes they did wash me all over, but they didn't linger over any one area for which I was both grateful and disappointed at the same time.
Then they massaged these oils into me. The scent was very floral and definitely evoked a feminine vibe. When lying on my front, I was fine. I couldn't get my body to calm down, but since it wasn't evident, we could all ignore it. Lying on my back, however, I stayed standing at attention. I was trying desperately to imagine anything that might calm my libido, but I had three naked beauties with their hands all over me and it was a losing battle.
Now I was beginning to fear that I would be lying on the altar in front of the entire female population of the church with an obvious stiffy. Fortunately, after my oiling they left me for a few minutes which allowed me to calm down somewhat, and when the returned they were clothed. When we started walking to the church and I saw all these women staring at me, my body switched from embarrassment to fear and the last of my excitement disappeared. I tried to pretend dignity. Still, I felt some of my masculinity running away, being naked under the gaze of all these women. Maybe that was the point.
They led me to the altar and I climbed on it and lay on my back. The altar was usually smaller but they had put something on it so that I had room to lie on it. I stared straight up towards the ceiling, mainly so that I was not looking at anyone. In my peripheral vision I could see them gathering and forming concentric circles around me.
Then Myra came through wearing her formal high priestess attire. In her hand was a small bottle which contained a liquid that seemed to glow with a blue light. She didn't give it to me. Instead, she took the stopper out and brought it to my lips and tipped it up, forcing me to swallow. It was like a really smooth brandy or vodka. It went down with almost no taste but immediately started a warmth going down my throat. I knew the next bit was down to me so I started my chant.
“I submit myself to Lagbit to be made anew.” I tried to say it loudly, but my throat had been affected by the potion so I actually found it really difficult to say. Then I kept repeating, finding it harder and harder to say it. I don't know when I stopped saying it because so many other things started happening. All the priestesses stretched a hand towards me and I could feel the energy they were projecting. The burning liquid that had hit my stomach was now radiating heat throughout my body. Everyone started chanting 'By Lagbit's Will.'
The heat travelled to the rest of my body quite quickly and then slowly started up my neck to my head. When it reached my crown my vision changed. It was like I had been moved somewhere else or maybe I had just gone internally to my mind landscape. I could see myself as I normally was and next to it was Myra or at least her body. But I wasn't just seeing it externally. When I looked at each, I could see everything about that body. Every hair follicle, every blood vessel, every internal organ. All I had to do was concentrate and I could see any part I wanted to.
Then I realised what I needed to do. I pushed the two bodies closer together until they were overlapping each other. That was quite easy. Then I had to change the male me image into the female image that was there, so that there was only one image. This was a lot harder. I started at the top and tried to force the male image to match the female image. I was really struggling to even change one hair.
Then I noticed all this energy behind me that was being pushed into me. I tried to grab hold of it, but that did not work. It was very elusive, the more I tried to grab it the more transparent it became. I was at a bit of a loss as to what to do, so I started the chant again, “I submit myself to Lagbit to be made anew.” On the word submit I almost felt myself get a hold of the energy, but then I lost it again. It did give me an idea though. I needed to submit or surrender to the energy rather than try and grab it.
I started a different chant. “Submit, surrender, give in, allow, relax, open.” I tried to let the energy in, open myself to it, welcome it, give thanks for it and it started pouring in. It was a female energy and it started changing the self image immediately, working on the male me and converting it to the female me. It was both easy and difficult. Like concentrating on not concentrating. Every time I felt my mind trying to tighten up, the energy slowed and I had to relax my mind again. Initially it was very stop start, but I got better as it went along.
Then it was done. There was only one image left and it was female. The energy carried on flowing though and sudden pain brought me back to the altar with all the priestesses pouring energy into me. My whole body felt like it was on fire. I wanted to say stop, it is too much, but I was in too much pain to do anything but scream. I don't know how long it went on for. It felt like an eternity. I went from agony to no pain in an instant. The lack of pain almost felt like pleasure and I relaxed from this fetal position I found myself in and then I passed out.
Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash
Available on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07PYXFNVF
The Legal Stuff: Vivid Dream Reality Book 2 ©2017 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
Chapter 1 General Pearson's POV
I watched the recorded press conference and subsequent kidnapping footage from the beginning. This was looking like a clusterfuck and I wanted nothing to do with it. Rule number one, if you are going to make someone disappear, no one must know about it.
Dr Sinclair was an arrogant prick who was so pissed that someone else had figured it out before him. According to information from Dr Marsden at the press conference, they could only produce women anyway. What use is a woman on a battlefield? I was getting a lot of heat to make this embarrassment go away, but I needed some kind of positive result to save my arse.
My intelligence officer was in deep shit for not knowing about those cameras, if I can just prove that Dr Sinclair is wrong about their abilities, I can shove the rest of the shit coming from above onto him. Maybe, just maybe that will save my career. Maybe I can rig the tests somehow. If I can do that, then we can release them. They have to be undamaged though.
They could be the key to helping the transgendered, who cared, there was no political will about that. They could be the key to helping people with physical disabilities, no one really cares about that either, or at least no one with any power. It was a potential cure for cancer, now we are in trouble. Everybody knows somebody close to them who has either died, suffered or been damaged by the deadly disease. Hell, even I knew somebody, and I was not going to be responsible for killing off a possible cure.
I paused the recording and phoned Dr Sinclair.
“General.”
“Tell me again, exactly what you have planned.”
“From the MRI...”
“Details, doctor, details.”
“Umm..I am going to perform a surgical procedure to remove an egg from each ovary, then we leave the opening in place and each time she produces a new egg, we can harvest it. We fertilize it with our best male specimens and implant it in a surrogate.”
“You haven't even proved that there is anything special about them.”
“What are you talking about? I sent you their eyesight and hearing test results. I tested them for strength and they were significantly above average.”
“Why don't I have those results?”
“I told you, my computer caught a virus and destroyed my data. We can test them again.”
“I will devise the testing and no surgery. There must be no evidence of damage. Can you do it without surgery?”
“Yes, but it would be trickier and take more time. I can go through the vagina...”
“I don't need that information, thank you. Was this for both girls?”
“No. The MRI only showed the abnormal ovaries on the green eyed specimen.”
“Specimen? Really? How many eggs can you remove, how often?”
“Two eggs at a time. One from each side. I imagine they will take a month to regenerate.”
“I will keep them sedated. Do the removal tomorrow, no surgery or any evidence of tampering. Then we will have to release them. You better manage to succeed with those two eggs or both our careers will be toast.” If he doesn't succeed, I can blame him for the failure. If he gets a surrogate pregnant, it will be nine months before any results and a lot longer before any real results will be available. Enough time for me to be retired. Forget testing them, this is much better.
Tia's POV
I woke up confused. I was in a hospital bed with my wrists handcuffed to the side railings. There was an IV stand with an empty IV bag leading to a tube inserted in my wrist. The last thing I could remember was heading to my suite in Lagbit's world. No, that wasn't quite true. I think I woke up from that and remember being unable to take the headset off because my hands were handcuffed together. Then I was fighting some unknown person. They were straightening my arm and I was trying to prevent that, but I didn't succeed and then I felt a pin prick, like a needle going in.
I had been kidnapped. What about everybody else? “Vee!, Katie!, Roni!” I shouted.
I heard a faint voice. “Tia!” It was Vee. I would recognise that voice anywhere.
I waited to see if our shouting would get any response, but I literally couldn't hear anything else. I had pretty good hearing now and usually if I listened carefully I could hear the sounds of footsteps, talking or some kinds of rattle or bangs as things were moved. There were some faint outside sounds like cars and such, but nothing close.
I decided to stick with Elven, since I didn't know if anyone else could hear us. “Vee are you alright?”
“I think so. I feel a bit sore, but everything is working. I can't hear anybody else. I think they have abandoned us.” She replied in Elven.
“Are you tied down?” I asked.
“Yes, my feet as well. Very undignified.”
“I am going to try and get my hands free.” I told her. My hands had become a lot more slender and there was a flexibility with them that I didn't have before the transformation. It had been very handy in the bedroom on Lagbit's world, I wondered if I could do something similar now. I don't know how long I had been kept unconscious, but my breasts had developed further and right now I was really hungry.
I squeezed my hand into its smallest profile and worked at pulling it through the handcuff on my non IV side. It was a bit tight but I felt with a bit of patience it would work.
“How is it going?” Vee asked.
“I think I am getting somewhere.” Slowly so very slowly, almost a millimetre at a time I worked my hand loose. “Yes! One down, one to go.” I told her. I pulled the IV needle out and then started trying to work my other hand free. Again, slowly it was working until finally it was free. It was a bit easier since I could use one hand to hold the handcuff and wriggle the other out.
“I did it! I'm coming to find you. Start counting and I will follow your voice.” I was in a hospital gown and nothing else, but I trusted my hearing that said we were alone. My door wasn't locked, so I followed Vee's voice and entered an operating theatre. I thought she would be in a bed like me, but she was on an operating table. They hadn't even bothered to put a hospital gown on her. Her hands had been zip tied to the sides of it and her feet tied the same, leaving her spread open in a very undignified way. A hot surge of anger rushed through me, but I tamped it down. That was not what she needed right now, so I rushed up to her and gave her a hug.
“Honey, just hold on. I'm going to get something to cut these things and set you free.”
“Hold on. Very funny. I'll just wait here shall I?”
Beneath her humour I could tell she was freaking out. I struggled to find anything sharp in the room and realized that I was going to have to leave her to look elsewhere. I took off my hospital gown and covered her with it. “I need to look elsewhere, but I don't want to leave you so we are going on a ride.” I unlocked the wheels and went through the door.
“Tia.”
“Yes honey.”
“Apart from maybe a bit of height, I think the rest of you is complete. Your face looks like it does on Lagbit's world.”
“Do you have any idea how long we have been here?”
“No. The last thing I remember we were heading back to our suite on Lagbit's world.”
“I remember waking up and being stabbed with a needle, then nothing.” I walked naked down the corridor and headed for the exit. “I can hear some cars outside. I think I should head outside and get some help.”
“I would say that you are not looking your best, but you look amazing. Enough to stop traffic. Are you going to be alright going outside with no clothes on?”
“I might get a little embarrassed.”
“Just a little.”
I leaned down and kissed her on the lips. It wasn't a long kiss or a passionate one, but it was a caring one and made us both feel better.
The exit, funnily enough was locked, but the bolts and locking mechanism was on the inside so I was able to undo it and wheel us out onto the street. This wasn't our city, hell, it wasn't even our country. We had no idea where we were. Wherever we were it wasn't well travelled and we had to wait a few minutes for a car to come along, but when it did, I waved to grab the drivers attention. Note to self, waving your arms above your head while naked really makes your breasts say hello.
The first car honked loudly and carried on. Fortunately, the second car that drove up stopped. A big African American gentleman got out, he left the car in the middle of the street.
“What the hell?” He asked.
I say gentleman, because that is what he was. He gave me his jacket to cover myself and allowed me to use his phone. I wanted to call Brett, but when you plug numbers into your phone, you don't tend to remember them. Instead, I had to look up VDR entertainment and ring reception. I was then rapidly put through to Roni. She got me to pass the phone back so he could tell them where we were and he promised to stay with us until help arrived. He had a toolbag in his boot, so we were able to free Vee, but I got her to stay on the operating table, unless she wanted to flash the world like I had. He didn't have any more clothes to offer us.
Within five minutes the police and ambulance arrived and we had to tell our story. They wanted to separate us, but we both resisted that and refused to leave each other's side. We found out that it was Friday, three days later. Vee needed to have the rape kit used. We don't know what happened but she was sore where she shouldn't be. There was a lot of hand holding and tears, but we would get through it, together. We were taken by ambulance to another hospital. The media was already waiting and we had to go through a barrage of flashes to get inside. At least I was given a set of scrubs to cover myself up with and Vee was taken through on a stretcher with blankets covering everything.
We were met there by a walking Katie, albeit using a walker, Roni and Brett. I think we all cried, even Brett.
Chapter 2 Tia's POV
We were both going to be checked over. This included MRI scans, particularly of our reproductive organs. This was partially because of where Vee was sore, but also there was a strong suspicion that Dr Sinclair was involved. We all remembered that he had wanted to operate on Vee's ovaries. They had been trying to keep him under surveillance by monitoring his phone and ipad, but when we went missing so did he, unfortunately leaving his electronic equipment behind.
We chatted while we were waiting, trying to catch up with our missing days. Much had happened in a short time whilst we were sleeping. Vee's parents had been contacted and were literally en route. Brett had tried to dissuade them, since there was nothing that they could do to help. They would be arriving in the mid afternoon and he had organised a driver to pick them up. At present Brett had invited them to stay with him. We still had to work out where we were going to stay.
Brett had gone all out trying to find us, deliberately creating a media storm. Sam refused to talk, which was handled by the FBI since the case was declared a kidnapping. That didn't help the government who disclaimed all knowledge of the affair. The cameras that recorded the abduction showed the faces of individuals who, according to the press, were supposed to work for the department of defence, so no one really believed them.
The British press added to the pressure and also lambasted the British government for not making a big enough deal about the abduction of two British citizens.
The public was roused to anger and the politicians were scrambling to agree. When Katie started walking after only two days, the possibilities that had been casually mentioned by Dr Marsden were debated repeatedly on television. VDR entertainment had been flooded with applicants who wanted treatment or who wanted to be part of the research into treatment. The government did not help their standing by issuing a court order that no human testing was allowed until the process was better understood. This was at least partially due to Dr Marsden going into detail about the differences that had been noted on MRI and the unknown consequences of those differences.
The plan to introduce another vector responsible for the changes, such as mushrooms, had been dropped when it was decided that it needed to be public knowledge how important I was to the process. The use of the VDR was put forward as a supporting role. It did put more pressure on me, and made security a nightmare, but I didn't blame anybody. The whole purpose was to get me free and it seemed to have worked.
Brett created a new company called Body Image Shaping that would be run by Katie. All enquires needed to be redirected to that company. Mexico, sensing an opportunity had offered sanctuary and that they would not interfere in any testing of this exciting field. The Mexican government had also offered to help with creating a Mexican identity for any participants.
Mexico was only the first such country to recognise the significance of the treatment and its potential. There were many other offers. Fiji offered a relatively large island, although there was a cost involved, it was not a monetary one. It would need a lot of development, but if you had an island, security arrangements could be very effective. Brett informed us that the company he had created consisted of the first four elves, so all the decisions would be ours.
Of our first two experiments, well, Roni was clearly looking younger every day, any other changes were between her and her doctor. Katie started feeling sensation in her legs after just one nights sleep and after the second was able to use her muscles again. They remained very weak at the moment but none of us thought that would last long. As far as her sexual orientation was concerned, she had switched teams. Both Roni and her had been visiting VDR every day as part of the process. In VDR Katie had tried going on a date with a guy and even kissing him at the end, but all her interest had disappeared. She visited Lagbit on her own, going back to the original starting point, experimented with another elf and found her orientation was clear. She was a lesbian.
We still had a lot of questions to answer, but it was clear that is was not going to be done in the USA. The debates that had been stimulated had put forward some more ideas that we could look into. One that none of us had considered was the amount of strain the process might put on my mind. After Myra had complained of her weariness we took that thought seriously and, at the very least, would go with her suggestion of a maximum of one per day with occasional days off. The other possibility was that my brain would get stronger over time. There were researchers from all over the world who wanted to help us understand.
The immediate question was about our health and the rape kit suggested something had been inserted into Vee. There was damage to her vagina walls and the MRI suggested there was also damage to her ovaries. I was also checked but appeared unharmed. We were unsure if the damage would affect her fertility, but then we didn't know how that worked anyway. I had the thought that if we went back into VDR and did another ceremony using the Kara essence, we should be able to return everything to normal. Myra should be able to do a healing spell that at least would let us know if there was any permanent damage.
Brett had to leave and get back to his company. The four of us were left to plot our course. Roni, the most organized of us, tried to set out our most immediate concerns. Short term goals were finding somewhere safe to live, checking that my VDR headset still worked and then going through the offers to determine our next steps.
We pledged to stick together, but none of us felt safe in the penthouse and provided that the headset still worked, we had a lot of experiments to plan, but not here in the USA. We also needed to be able to document the changes that Roni and Katie were going through to keep their US identity. Our best security at the moment was publicity. To keep that going Roni was going to sort through the interviewing offers. We needed to remain firmly in the public eye until we could arrange better security.
All that we had to do was almost overwhelming. We booked a suite in the Beverly Hills Hotel and Katie arranged for VDR entertainment security to deliver our headsets. If my headset didn't work our entire business was stopped before it had got started. We also booked the hotel restaurant so that we could invite Vee's parents to join us.
I was now in a hospital gown as was Vee. Katie was going to go back to the penthouse to gather our clothes but I thought it best if we tried to stick together as much as possible, so Roni went with her. Vee and I cuddled in her hospital bed. To wake up and find that your body had been violated while you were sleeping must be hard to deal with. I wanted to find Dr Sinclair, turn him into a woman and leave him to the tender mercies of someone just like him. And that was when I was being kind. I am not a violent person and much preferred healing people than harming them, but if I allowed my mind to go back to what had happened to Vee, my blood tended to boil.
Emotionally, Vee was a mess. She tried to put a brave face on but I could tell she was on the verge of breaking down. When we saw her parents this evening I was definitely wearing waterproof mascara. She was going to need to see someone. I think I had been working out my problems by chatting to Myra. Maybe that would help her too.
Katie and Roni returned with our clothes, but none of mine fit. Three days in terms of transformation is a long time. Since they had pretty much just emptied our clothes into our suitcases, I was able to go through some of Vee's clothes to find something to wear. We had to stop to get some snack food. I was practically skin and bones and needed feeding up and Katie needed as much protein as we could get into her to build her muscles. Then finally to the hotel. Our headsets were waiting for us with a security guard who had refused to do anything but hand them over personally.
Vee's parents had arrived and were travelling to Brett's house. Somehow, he had pulled some strings and got the pilot to announce that we had been found safe and well. They would get a bit of rest and meet us at the restaurant. I had to speak for Vee as whenever she tried to talk to her mum she broke down in tears and nothing intelligible came out. I had to hold her for awhile for her to calm down.
We had a couple of hours before we were due to meet them so we faced the headsets together.
“What do you think, Tia?” Roni asked.
“Everything rests on these babies working. The sooner we know the better. Did anyone tell you whether they thought they would work or not?”
“From the video we saw that Katie had her headset pulled off first. In theory that should have caused the others to automatically log off and if that happened correctly, you should be able to continue where you left off. That's what Joshua said, anyway.” Roni said.
“I don't know whether we should. I mean in the storyline a lot is going on at the moment. The next day is the adoption ceremony followed by the bonding celebration. We can't go for the full seven days, it would take too long. The most we could do was three, that would leave us an hour to get ready.” I said.
“But if it doesn't work, my conversation with my parents will be very different.” Vee muttered, but we all heard her.
“Let's do it.” Katie said decisively. I don't think her personality had changed, just her true self was now better able to express itself. She had a confidence that had been sadly lacking.
We settled ourselves all on the king size bed. It was a bit of a squeeze, but comforting at the same time. Still, I felt uneasy. “I'm not sure I can do this.” I said. “I feel vulnerable going under with no one watching over us.”
We were quiet for a moment. Then Roni said. “Katie and I have been in VDR lots of times in the last three days, but this is the first time you two have since we were attacked. I totally understand. If we could get someone from hotel security to stand outside our door, would that make you feel better?”
“It would make me feel better.” Vee said. “Me too.” I added.
Roni got up and called the concierge.
A few minutes later there was a knock at the door and this huge man turned up. He had to squeeze through the door. “Hello ladies. I'm with hotel security.” He showed us some ID. “I'll just wait outside here until you let me know you feel safe.”
He shook our hands, his huge hands dwarfing ours, then squeezed back through the door and stood with his back to us as we closed the door. We gathered ourselves back on the bed and with a lighter heart I put on the headset and hit resume.
Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash
Now Available on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07SQP52GQ
The Legal Stuff: Vivid Dream Reality Book 3 ©2018 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
Chapter 1 New British Prime Mininster's POV
While we were waiting for everyone to arrive for our first proper cabinet meeting I sat down and tried to practice my approachable relaxed posture.
“Sir.”
“You can still call me David, Carmine.”
“OK, David, how was the visit with the Queen?”
“Interesting. She all but admitted that she had asked my predecessor to resign, but had no desire to interfere again. She did bring up something else that we have to wait until everybody is here to discuss.”
“She was probably worried that we would take away her ability to intervene.” Said Carmine.
“Her actions have potentially saved our country. After a week of demonstrations, the public view was clear and yet it took the Queen to put us back on track. I have no intention of taking away a part of our democracy that can save it from itself.” I replied.
The table was full and everyone was waiting. A lot of us were new at this job with no real experience. I had been a back bencher who abstained on the Elf vote and then resigned when it was passed. Forming a new Party called Britain First and gathering in all those who had voted against the bill or had abstained like me had been easy. Working out an Elf friendly agenda had been a bit more difficult, still, it had worked and we had been voted in with an overwhelming majority. Now we had to deliver.
“OK, good morning everyone. Let's start with the Minister for Elf Affairs, Steven.”
“Most of you may know some of this, but, some don't, so please be patient. It has been four weeks since the previous administration abducted Mrs Tia Dione. We believe she escaped the next day and has not been seen since, apart from that TV appearance. We are pretty sure that all our men we had there were killed. We know the incinerator on site was used and the remains are consistent with human bodies. All electronic evidence, besides that which was posted online, has been unrecoverable.
“There are rumours that she has been seen in Europe, but there has been no confirmation. A female elf who looks identical, but has short hair, and is claiming to be her mother, has established herself as the acting head of the Elven Nation. She is residing in a large fortified compound in Fiji.”
“What is her name?” I asked.
“She calls herself Mia Dione. If we want any dealings with the Elven Nation, we will have to go through her. Onto our election promises. Repealing the bill shouldn't be that difficult, there are even grounds to dismiss it in high court, but we want to be seen to have done the work. The difficult one is giving up the Isle of Wight. The population is almost 150,000. It will have to be discussed with Mrs Mia Dione. I'm hoping that she would be alright with anyone staying who wished to. Moving that many people is going to be problematic.”
“If we can hand Hong Kong over to the Chinese, I'm sure we can hand the Isle of Wight over to the Elven Nation. If they even want it, what is happening with them in Fiji?” I asked Steven.
“They have an American Elf in charge of that. At the moment they are dredging and creating a sea port. The Island has been renamed New Amilyf, but will take some time to become habitable. It does give us a chance if we can convince them to try the Isle of Wight. Infrastructure is already in place. They can become either a free nation state or a Crown dependency like the Isle of Man.”
“So, you think they will accept?”
“I am hopeful. There are a lot of advantages to the Isle of Wight as a base for them. There are plentiful supplies and easy access to more. They wouldn't have to create their own currency and there would be easy travel to the rest of the world. They can make the island as secure as they wish. The only disadvantages are the population that already exists there and if a subsequent government tried to change its mind. We can make that difficult but not impossible and, to be honest, that is not a bad thing. They will have to keep good relations with us as we will be a close neighbour.”
“While we start the legislation, I think you will need to arrange to travel to Fiji and talk to Mia Dione directly. See what kind of agreement you can come up with. Now, I have another bit of news for us to discuss. As you know the Queen is not as young as she used to be. Her husband has now passed on and she wondered how would the country take it, if she applied for Elfhood. She is not enjoying the ageing process and is unsure whether she would need to abdicate her throne if she managed to convince Tia Dione to treat her. Of course, that can't happen unless we manage to remove the exclusion that is presently in place.”
“The only way to find out if the country would like it or not would be to do some kind of poll. Either an official one or an unofficial one, depending on what you want to do with the results. The Queen might get some backlash by getting ahead of the queue, on the other hand, she is very popular, especially after intervening recently.” Steven said.
“Let's start with an unofficial one. Steven, a lot rests on your shoulders. OK, anyone else with something to add?” I asked.
“Err.. did you know about the court case in America?” Andrew, head of foreign affairs, asked me.
“No. What court case?”
“Veronica Dione, Tia's wife, has a large inheritance due her on her 25th Birthday, however her Aunt, Emily Styles, whose son is splitting that inheritance, has filed a case in court. She is claiming that if Veronica Dione is not considered human, she does not have any right to the inheritance. How can she be a great granddaughter and yet be a different species? At the moment, both Tia and Veronica Dione are uncontactable and their location is unknown. Her parents have resurfaced after our election win, but are not willing to travel to America to fight the case. An Elf lawyer is representing Veronica and has signed documents to say that she can.”
“Should we do anything about this?”
“Veronica is still a British citizen, but this is a civil court case, so I'm not sure there is much we can do.”
“Who is this lawyer representing her?”
“Ms. Rutberb was an excellent lawyer with a great reputation who was going to retire due to advanced breast cancer. This will be a landmark case. If an Elf is considered unable to inherit, that will open up the floodgates. There seems to be a lot of religious extremists supporting the case, protests and I suspect providing the money.”
“Keep an eye on it, it could blow up in all sorts of ways.” If they weren't careful they could be next on the exclusion list. That could benefit us, but I wasn't going to encourage it.
Matteo/ Wendy's POV
My front door rang. I live in a one bed flat in Bruges and like my privacy. It was nearly nine pm at night, so I certainly wasn't expecting anybody. I was dressed in jeans and a T shirt, but had put makeup on as soon as I had got home after work, since I expected to be undisturbed.
The doorbell rang again. I sighed and went to the bathroom to quickly wash my makeup off. It wasn't going to be one of my few friends, they would have rung first and my family had kicked me out. If it rings again, I will answer it, I thought.
It rang a third time. I sighed again and went to answer it. I left the chain on so the door could only open a fraction. There in front of me was a beautiful woman. Tall and very curvy, dressed in dark jeans and a black top, she rocked this dark almost assassin type vibe.
“Hello, do you speak English?” She asked.
It wasn't my first language, but when you are obsessed with transgender issues and stories which is mostly written in English, your English tends to improve. “Er, yes. How may I help you?”
“Are you Matteo also known as Wendy?”
I gasped in fear. No one here should know my Wendy identity.
“It is alright, Wendy. I am here to help.” She smiled at me, took her hat off, moved her hair behind her ears and I could immediately see that she had slightly pointed ears. She was an Elf. “You applied to join the Elf Nation, I am here to offer you that chance. I need you to go and turn off everything you need to turn off and come with me. Don't call anybody, grab your keys but leave your phone and wallet behind.”
I shut the door to take the chain off and then opened it again. I didn't want to leave her in front of a shut door. I would need to take a risk. Going off with a complete stranger without even my identity was scary, but no way was I missing this opportunity. I rushed around turning off all the lights and unplugging the television and then down to the front door, picking up my keys on the way.
The Elf led me to a parked van and I got in the back. There were three other candidates in there with me. Two of them were transgender like me and the third was ill with some kind of disease. There were no windows so we couldn't see where we were going. We chatted a bit, all excited. The drive took about an hour and we seemed to go back on ourselves several times, so I really had no idea where we were.
When we got out it was too dark to see much, but I could tell we were in a forest and there was a large tent in front of me, the Elf led us inside where there were eight blow up mattresses laid out on the floor. There were two girls already lying down on a mattress with a headset on. They both had a blanket covering their lower half and I suspected they were paraplegic.
A voice that sounded like it was coming from a phone, so probably in the Elf's pocket, announced five minutes. Two of the mattresses were left separate. We all laid down on the others, put on a headset that they gave us and waited patiently. After a few minutes we heard two people enter and move to the two available mattresses.
“Everyone ready?” Tia called out. I knew it was her, because I recognized the voice.
We all said yes.
“Alright, we are going for a three day trip to Lagbit's World. Anyone who doesn't want to, please say now.”
There was a deafening silence. “OK, here we go.” Tia said and I drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 2 Tia's POV
Another three days fun in Lagbit's World and another six elves transformed. I woke up on the air mattress with Vee beside me and started the next part of my routine. “No one take off your headsets until you are told to do so.” I called out. I'm pretty sure everyone knew it was me, but if they didn't actually see me, they could still honestly say that they had no idea where I was. Vee and I removed our headsets and left the tent.
Outside was a combination of my ground forces and my personal honour guard. This was my second visit to Lagbit's World for the night and it was time to leave to our next destination. I was managing to transform a total of twelve a night now. I walked off to a clearing about a hundred metres away from the tent, my honour guard forming up around me. We were all dressed in black with hats that covered our hair and kept everything dark.
In the clearing were four black handgliders with a double sleeping bag harness arrangement. With the ease of familiarity, Vee and I slipped into our harness. We waited as according to our security protocol I was always the second to ascend. After Leaf and Killash were in the air, I asked Inda to take us up and soon we were off to our next location. We travelled at night, slept during the day and slowly built up our Elven numbers and helped those we could. We couldn't do this forever, Vee was nine weeks pregnant now and we didn't want to be travelling like this when it became uncomfortable for her.
Davina was in Fiji with momma, Danielle and Ash. Danielle wanted to be in charge of my honour guard but needed more training on modern weapons and warfare, which Davina was providing, with the help of VDR and programs developed by Andi. Katie and Ash were understandably inseparable and had already tried to get pregnant once, unsuccessfully. I had taken Katie back to Lagbit's World and transformed an orc into a Katie copy, so there would be no love sick elf pining away in Lagbit's World. Katie was delighting in showing Ash all about our modern world.
We had a frank discussion with all seven of the transposed Elves about their existence and how the world viewed Lagbit's World. Andi, Inda and now Dani all were of the philosophy of 'I think therefore I am.' The druids familiars all agreed with that so it made it easier for Leaf, Berry and Branch, but Ash, Danielle, Killash and Mia needed more discussion. All we could really do was explain what we knew and what evidence we had and then let everyone come to their own conclusions.
As far as they were all concerned, Lagbit was a real world and the fact that they could come to Earth proved that. The alternative was that my mind was able to create their personalities and transpose them on seven male individuals and none of them wanted to believe that. Since no one could prove anything, one way or another, they decided to believe that we were saving the Elven Nation by creating a new one on this world.
Leaf, Berry and Branch all had wind familiars which helped us come up with the plan of travelling unseen from place to place. Since the familiars were powerful, staying with me added significantly to my defence. Killash had found most magic didn't work, but mind magic did. She only had a few spells that utilized this type of magic, but they were very useful, so she joined us as well. The last two members of our travelling band were assigned by Davina. Both were supremely skilled with modern weapons, but were also knowledgable about crossing borders and how to leave the least trace of our presence. I suspect they were previously spies of some kind, but felt it impolite to ask.
Mia had tried her healing spells and found they only worked on Elves and a lot slower than they worked in Lagbit's World. On the plus side, again the mental spells worked on everyone, so she could do truth spells, oath taking and memory removal spells. Since both Vee and I also had been taught those spells, she did not think staying with me would be helpful, so she agreed to be our leader in exile in Fiji. Roni and Katie would be her main advisors and help with her adaptation to our modern Earth.
During my time in Lagbit's World, Andi and I had been working with other druids so that Andi could make a VDR program so as to be able to test other elves for druid abilities. Andi believed that she had enough information now, but since we didn't expect there to be that many with the ability, it would take a while to work out whether she had been successful. The aim was to get all new Elves to go through the testing program and potentially train up any that showed promise, so that I can take them back to Lagbit's World with me for the familiar ceremony.
In the meantime, we had seven Lagbit World elves being introduced to the modern world. The first time they saw a car was a classic and airplanes seemed like a different type of magic. They were all adapting well, but occasional elements of technology still surprized them. Usually something that we take for granted, so don't even think to warn them. They were startled by a match of all things. On one of our evenings, Harriet and Lacy, our two elves assigned by Davina, organized the campsite including laying a fire. Casually Lacy lit a match and held it under some tinder. There were startled gasps from Killash and Berry, who had been watching and a whole discussion on explosives and chemicals from that.
Andi was keeping a close watch on our security concerns and there were still a lot of people wanting to get their hands on me. If they couldn't get me, they wanted any Elf, so we had to warn everyone we had transformed. We were only approaching those who put on their application that they wanted to relocate and join the Elf Nation.
To facilitate this our security force would give each newly made Elf a burner phone, so that Andi could talk to them. At the moment we were sending them all to Fiji, providing them with plane tickets if we needed to and then looking after them while they changed. In Fiji Mia was in charge of their lessons which included Elvish and Taigoa. Then between Simone and Katie, we would find how they could slot into our organization.
We contacted certain individuals that we needed for specific tasks and had them travel to somewhere near where I was going to be. Then a security detail would pick them up and take them to a meeting point. Mostly we were after English speakers, since performing the oath with a translator was cumbersome. One of Killash's spells enables her to learn a language from another, but until recently she couldn't teach any of us that language. I took her back to Lagbit's World with me so that she could study other mental spells, including one that allowed her to teach any language she knew to someone else. This was making our travel through Europe much easier and we could now broaden our scope to include non-English speakers.
There was hope on the horizon regarding Britain. After significant unrest and a meeting with the Queen, the Prime Minister had resigned and a new election was called. Both major parties were polling particularly badly, so an enterprising MP formed a new party called Britain First and after listening to what the public wanted, set out an Elf friendly agenda. I believe Andi may have helped with their funding. Regardless, they have just won an overwhelming majority, which may open up a reconciliation and even the possibility of taking over the Isle of Wight.
Mia with Roni and Katie, would take part in the negotiations, with Andi listening in and allowing Vee and I to contribute if needed. Simone was in charge of New Amilyf, but had warned that it was going to take a long time. From a practical point of view, the Isle of Wight would be a much better prospect for at least the next ten years. By then New Amilyf would be self sufficient, secure and beautiful.
Book 1
Available from Amazon, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07NHM8RCW
The Legal Stuff: Who the Hell am I? Book 1 ©2017 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
Who the hell am I? Chapter 1
My life has turned really strange. I want to blame someone and my sister is, at least partially, responsible, but if I am going to be honest, a lot of this is down to me and the choices I have made. I am a 14 year old boy in a figure hugging jumper dress and tights that is showing off assets I am not supposed to have. My face has been made up expertly by my mother and there is a photographer immortalising the moment in an art gallery with my entire class watching. I could have fought this, and if it wasn't for the promises I had made to myself when I was 10, I would have done. But I chose to make those promises and I choose to keep them.
What happened when I was 10 you may ask? In short, my father told my mother, over the phone I might add, that he was not coming back. My father, well, the man who was supposed to be my father, worked at the mines and would only spend short periods at home before going back out again. Over the last couple of years, he said it was too expensive to return every break he had, the flights didn't work out very well and he would spend a good portion of his time off, travelling. Instead, he was going to stay locally and return every other break. Over the last 2 years he had been home 4 times in total.
My twin sister and I were young and used to not seeing him around so when mum told us that he is not coming back it didn't bother us too much. We didn't really see the consequences, but I, at least, felt their effect on mum. I will never forget her sitting down and asking us if we wanted to move to another state to live with our Grandparents or stay with her. Her parents had disowned her when she fell pregnant at 16 and didn't get married. I wouldn't call them religious zealots, but they were strongly influenced by the catholic church and their priest. If we stayed with her, she would do her best, but money was going to be very tight. There are not many jobs that work around bringing up 2 children. She was already doing cleaning jobs to bring in some money. She knew it wasn't going to be enough and the future frightened her.
Looking into her eyes I could see that she was so close to breaking and the only thing holding her together was her being strong for her children. We immediately hugged her like crazy and repeatedly told her that we wanted to stay with her. She filled herself with determination to survive and manage and provide everything we would ask for. But that fragility that she showed me, changed me. I suppose I grew up in that moment. I made promises to myself. No longer would I argue with my sister or mum. I would help mum out, however I could. Housework, cooking, anything I could do to make her life easier, I would do. I would earn money whenever I could. I would cost as little as possible. I would bring her joy if I could. One of the things I knew in my childish mind that would make her happy was growing my hair. So I made that promise to myself that I would grow my hair, despite knowing that this would give me grief.
I naturally have ringlet type curls in a beautiful golden blonde. The problem is that I also have big blue eyes, long eyelashes, small button nose and a heart shaped face. In other words, I have always been mistaken for a girl. I don't remember my childhood very well but I remember coming home from a park. It was one of the few times my father had taken us. I was probably about 5 and he practically dragged me home, put me in a chair and got out his beard trimmer and shaved me back to stubble. When mum saw me with my hair gone, she cried. It really stuck with me.
I'm not sure if Lilith, my twin, made any promises to herself, if she did, there is no evidence of it. She certainly took advantage of my no arguing policy to get her own way. I did find that there was a certain peacefulness in not fighting. It's strange to look back and wonder why did I care who sat in the front seat. What did it really matter. I forced myself to learn patience, and Lilith soon tired of trying to irritate me.
Now, as to why I had assets that I was not supposed to have, I have no idea. About a year ago I started noticing a bit of itching and tenderness in my chest. My first port of call is google doctor. I try not to bring anything worrying to mum's attention and avoid going to the doctor as much as possible. Google doctor suggested a condition called gynaecomastia that apparently should go away all by itself as I go through puberty. As you can guess, it is now a year later and that hasn't happened. I don't know what size I am, but I am practically living in compression vests and no one, apart from Gary, who is my closest friend, and who helped get me the vests, no one knew. Today, of course, everyone knows.
The jumper dress, the make up. Well that started with a practical joke that Lilith played on me. My most annoying feature is my laugh. When I laugh, for some reason, a high pitched, loud, bark comes from somewhere. I hate it, but can't seem to stop it. Lilith knows I hate it and has learnt to make a good impression of it. Our teacher is heavily pregnant. During our first class of the day, she needed to go 3 times to the bathroom. She tried to make light of it by indicating her bump and Lilith chose this moment to imitate my laugh. When she came back she was not best pleased with me. I had to see her at the end of class. I explained that it was not me and that I thought her pregnancy was a beautiful thing. She didn't believe me and in the middle of trying to tell me off, burst into tears. I tried to comfort her, but she just pushed me away. I went home a bit upset myself. I hated the idea that I had made her cry. She was a good teacher and I liked her.
That evening she phoned mum and explained what I had done and her version of a suitable punishment. She was a strong believer that punishment needed to be a learning experience and fit the crime. She had a pregnancy simulator suit. It was really just a weighted breasts and belly, that when worn gave the shape of a pregnant woman and apparently I needed to wear it during our excursion to the art gallery. Did I think I could fight it? Maybe. It was an overreaction to an insult I didn't give, but I keep my promises, even to myself, no arguing. Mum decided that if I was going to look like a woman, I really needed to look right. The teacher, Miss Perkins, brought the pregnancy simulator round that evening. It was like a novelty T-shirt made of a stretch fabric so one size fits all, with the bumps at the front weighted. I couldn't wear my compression vest underneath, but the suit hid my man boobs, so I wasn't worried. Mum went through her wardrobe. She didn't have any maternity wear but found a stretchy jumper dress that fit alright.
The next morning mum woke me up early, I had to shower and shave all my body hair off, especially under arms and legs, not that I had a lot. Shampoo and condition my hair and use her body wash which had a lavender scent. I got dressed in the pregnancy simulator, which included a bra, panties and tights. Then I sat in a chair while she worked on me. My long curly hair was brushed and blow dried in a feminine style, and she spent ages working on my face.
When she was finally satisfied, she allowed me to see myself in the mirror. Now mum had obviously had great pleasure in doing this to me and I didn't want to upset her, and what I saw didn't surprise me. There was no trace of masculinity. A pretty girl, more than pretty really, a beautiful girl was staring back at me. A beautiful pregnant girl.
I know a lot of people would be thrilled to look like me. Gary, my closest friend, was transgender and I was the only person he had told. He had really struggled with envy and we talked about it often. He looked at his face desperate to not see any signs of male puberty and I looked at my face and always tried to find any signs of maleness at all. So far, no luck. I didn't need make up or a dress, people thought I was a girl if I dressed in a T-shirt and jeans. Make that compression vest underneath, then T-shirt and jeans.
Lilith thought it was hilarious and took lots of photos on her phone and uploaded them to facebook. Normally we walk to school. More accurately, I run to school. We live in a bad neighbourhood and I am a parkour enthusiast. Not because I like the sport. No, I just want to live. I am tall for my age at 5 feet 9 inches but I am thin as a rake. I have a sort of wiry strength with no evidence of muscles. Anyway I was not looking forward to getting to school in the pregnancy suit. Mum pre empted that by offering to drive us in that morning.
We got to school and waited in the classroom for the teacher to arrive. I wasn't laughed at as much as Lilith desired, I think because I looked too natural. She tried to wind me up by doing her imitation of my laugh. That backfired. Mrs Perkins came in and heard her and started reaching her own conclusions. When we got on the coach she got me to sit next to her so we could talk.
She went through the usual announcements, how to behave and so on, Then she sat next to me and looked me in the eye. “Tell me honestly now. Did you laugh at me yesterday.”
I kept eye contact. “No. And can I ask you a question? Do you think I would do that?”
She broke our staring contest to ponder for a bit. Then turned back to me. “No. It doesn't fit your character. I've mucked up, haven't I?”
I swear I could see the beginnings of tears forming. Yes you bloody had was what I was thinking, I couldn't say that though. I took her hand and pressed it in mine. “I forgive you.” The biggest lesson I had learnt when I had promised to stop arguing was how to let it go. There is a peacefulness in letting it go that feels so much better than what you feel when you hold onto anger.
She started crying anyway, so I held her as best I could and this time she didn't push me away.
“Bloody hormones.” she said. She did it quietly and since we were at the front, I don't think too many noticed. “Do you think there is enough room in the toilet to take the pregnancy suit off?”
The coach had a toilet on it. I think she had organised the trip and chose the coach carefully. I shrugged. “I can give it a try.”
“Take it off if you can and we will leave it on the coach.”
The toilet was tiny, but I was determined and managed. When I got out I was carrying the pregnancy suit and the bra that fit over it. I was getting some odd stares as I made my way to the front and passed it to Mrs Perkins.
“Oh dear, I think the fabric has overstretched at the front.” she reached forwards and to my horror grabbed my breasts. By the shocked look on her face, I don't think she was intending to. Thinking about it, she obviously was not expecting me to have any and must have thought there was empty space behind the fabric.
She had frozen in surprise with her hands still in place so I whispered to her. “You can let them go now.”
Her hands jumped back to her. “Umm, arr.”
“Mrs Perkins.”
“Umm.”
“Mrs Perkins.” I whispered louder. “I have gynaecomastia. I usually wear a compression vest to hide it.”
“Oh, I have heard of that. I have never heard of it being that...er... pronounced.”
“I don't know anyone else with it, so I can't really compare.”
“I reckon you are almost a C cup, that is bigger than most girls in class.”
No wonder I was getting those stares. I had been so eager to get the pregnancy suit off, I completely forgot I didn't have a compression vest. I needed that vest, not just to hide them, but to support them as well. Shit. If they are that big, I really do need to see the doctor. It was not like I could keep them a secret any more. I hoped it was not going to be expensive to sort out. Mum was already working 3 jobs and was tired all the time. She had a persistent cough and I was getting worried about her.
“What did the doctor say?”
“I haven't been yet.”
“Bob.” She giggled. “I can't really call you that today.”
“Call me Kate, everybody else does.”
“From Blackadder?” She was laughing now.
“Yup.”
“Sorry, I probably shouldn't say this, but it does suit you.” At least she was smiling as she said it.
“Therein lies the problem.”
“Why haven't you been to the doctor?” Now she was looking concerned.
I looked down at the floor embarrassed. “I'm worried about the money.”
“It doesn't cost that much.”
“We are still trying to pay off Lilith's braces. She went in for a check up, next thing you know, there are tests and the money just adds up. If mum worked any harder she would have to work in her sleep.” I started crying. She rubbed my back as I got myself together. “Don't worry. I'll be alright. I can sort it out.” I said.
Chapter 2
When we arrived, before we could get started, Mrs Perkins called for a bathroom break and dragged me into the ladies and touched up my make up. I could feel her kind nature as she gently worked on me. “You're going to make a great mum.” I said to her. She beamed back at me.
When she finished I looked in the mirror. My breasts were really prominent. I tried hunching my shoulders to see if that would hide them a bit, but it didn't really work.
“Stand tall, dear. You look ridiculous bent over. You really should be in a bra. Don't run around like you normally do, you'll make them sore.”
We went around as a group with a guide commenting on all the pieces. After that we were left to stroll around on our own for an hour. My favourite was a painting of a woman looking out a window, where a party was going on and people were enjoying themselves. I was wondering why I felt connected to that particular painting. Was I thinking of myself as an outsider observing the world and a female outsider at that.
I was interrupted by a smartly dressed gentleman, probably around 40 years old. “Excuse me, madam.”
“I'm sorry. I was lost in thought for a moment.” I said, turning to face him. “How can I help you?”
“Do you mind if I take a few pictures?”
I thought he meant I was in the way of him taking pictures of the art, so I said. “Go ahead, I'll just move back a bit.”
He shrugged a bit, looking somewhat confused, but not letting it get to him. Picked up his camera and started taking pictures of me. Then he started directing me. Move your arm here. Smile. Pout. He would mimic poses that he wanted me to assume. This went on for some time and my classmates started gathering to watch.
Mrs Perkins arrived and tapped him on his shoulder.
“Hmm.” he said, distracted.
“What is going on here?” she asked.
“Is she your daughter?”
“No, she is my student.”
He led her away so he could chat to her without everyone overhearing. I could see him hand her a card. He smiled at me, waved, and wandered off. Mrs Perkins was looking at me with a thoughtful expression.
The rest of the day went by pretty well actually. Apart from a few sniggers from Lilith and her crowd, I didn't get a lot of grief. Strangers looking at me would usually frown. I know what I look like and I know what they are thinking. Why is a pretty girl all dressed up like a boy. I didn't get any of that today, of course. Just smiles. A few boys did try and approach me, but I stuck close to Mrs Perkins and she chased them off.
When the coach arrived back at the school in the early afternoon, Mrs Perkins came to a decision and turned to me. “Would it be alright if I took you back to my house for a chat. I don't want any other ears listening.”
“That would be fine.”
“Do you need to phone your mum, or something.”
“No, I'll just tell Lilith.” I didn't want to tell her mum wouldn't be back until about 9pm at the earliest. I went off to find Lilith and told her I was going out and would be back later.
“What about my dinner?” she whined.
“You can either wait for me to return, cook it yourself, or just make yourself a snack.”
She huffed and left.
I found Mrs Perkins just standing behind me. “Do you usually cook dinner?”
“Only when mum isn't going to be home till late.”
“How often is that?”
“Just the weekdays.” That was a half truth. Her weekend work was sporadic and I usually cooked those days too.
I followed her back to her car and she drove me to her place. “We are no longer at school. Please call me Karen, OK?”
“OK.” I could tell she was tired. I guess being heavily pregnant and on your feet all day has got to get to you. She led me through to the open plan lounge/ kitchen/ meals area, chucked all her bags on the dining room table and sat down with a sigh.
“When my mum comes in all tired, I often give her a foot massage. Would you like one?”
I could see her internally debating whether it was appropriate versus how nice it would feel. I took the decision out of her hands by sitting next to her and reaching down to grab her foot. I took the shoe off and started working it. I had done this so often, I could do it with my eyes closed. “So what did you want to talk about?”
“Ohh. Just give me a sec.” I could feel her practically melting into her chair. “You really need to teach Peter how to do that. That is soooo good.”
I had to concentrate a bit more as I started moving up to the calf. A lot of people are really tender there, so I had to watch her carefully to get the right pressure. Enough to start working the knots out without being too painful that she tenses up.
“Questions. Yes I had lots of questions. I'm not sure I can concentrate while you are doing that to me, but I don't want you to stop. OK. I can do this.” She pulled herself together. “So you do the cooking most nights. Your mum is working all the time. I'm guessing your dad isn't in the picture and isn't offering any financial support.”
He was supposed to offer financial support of course, but he took us to court claiming that he was not the father. He was half right. My twin, yes that is right, twin, was his and I was not. I don't look anything like him and he presumed that if I was not his, neither would Lilith be. Mum produced 2 eggs and 2 different sperm from different men fertilized them. That sounds really bad for mum, especially since this happened when she was 16 and gave birth age 17. The truth was just unfortunate circumstances, but the court did not take them into consideration and we got a very poor settlement.
What actually happened and I was only deemed old enough to hear the story this year, was mum and my presumed dad were in a relationship. Her parents were insistent that she stay a virgin until she married, so she was unable to use birth control pills. That wasn't going to stop them, but it meant they had to rely on condoms. On the night in question the condom failed and they knew it had failed (she didn't go into details, for which I will be eternally grateful) and she became very stressed. She took some antidepressants that her mother was taking and when that didn't calm her down, she also had some whiskey from the liquor cabinet. They then went out for a dinner. What they didn't know was that a combination of that antidepressant and alcohol works like a date rape drug. When she started acting weird, he went to get the car, so she didn't have to walk to it (with the state she was in, she didn't think she would have made it). When he returned, she had disappeared. She woke up the next morning in a hotel room on her own with little memory of what had happened.
“Right so far detective.”
“Who does the housework?”
“Mum does a bit and I do the rest.” I pretty much did it all, but I didn't want to say that. I swapped feet and started on the toes. There was a gap in our conversation whilst I waited for her to be able to concentrate.
“Oh, that is...that is..soooo nice. Where was I? You are doing all the female roles in the household.” She woke up a bit. “I didn't mean to say that out loud.”
“That's OK. Truth is truth. I take care of us as much as I can. Mum hasn't got the time or the energy.”
“This is all off the record. The only person I may talk about our conversation is Peter and it won't go any further, alright? I don't want to offend you, but I think we need to discuss some uncomfortable subjects.”
“Sure.”
“Until today, no one has known you have breasts, and yet, you are constantly being mistaken as female, right?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know why?”
“Well, I have a female face and pretty hair.”
“Why don't you cut it?”
“I can't. I made a promise and I keep my promises.”
“OK. It is not just those things. There are no signs of male puberty. No facial hair, no adams apple, no deepening of the voice. You have small hands and feet. On top of that, there are signs of female puberty. Not just your breasts that no one knew about. That jumper dress is very revealing. You have curves you are not supposed to have.”
“Huh, I hadn't noticed that.”
“That is not all. Because women are broader in the hips, we tend to walk differently. It is subtle, and I suspect most people couldn't tell you how, but we all make these sort of judgements automatically. When someone walks towards us we immediately make all kinds of judgements. Male, female, angry, sad, confident, shy. You come across as female. You move with grace.”
“Umm thanks, I think.” I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or an insult.
“You really need to see a doctor. I know money is a factor, but I have some ideas about that. What time is your mum home tonight? Her name is Jennifer, right.”
“Yes. This is still off the record?”
“Absolutely.”
“She should be home about 9 tonight. I need to be home a bit earlier so I can have dinner ready for her.”
“What about Lilith?”
“I told her, she can take care of herself or wait, her choice. I suspect she will have some toast or cereal to keep her going and wait for me to cook.”
“Here is what I have come up with. I can take you to a GP that only does drop ins and bulk bills. If you don't have your health card with you we can pick it up first. If it requires further tests we can find out how much they will cost. Will Jennifer be alright with my taking you in?”
“You don't have to do that, Mrs Perkins.”
“I do if I want to and it is Karen. So, would Jennifer object?”
“No, she wouldn't mind. I will have to tell her later. I don't like worrying her.”
“Right now, I am worried, so to ease my mind, can we go?”
“Yes and thank you. But let me get you something to eat first.”
“It is my house you know.”
“Yes and you have been on your feet all day. Besides, your feet should be nicely relaxed now, we don't want to get them all tense again.”
Book 2
Now Available on Amazon- https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07PCJ1RWQ
The Legal Stuff: Who the Hell am I? Book 2 ©2017 Savannah Maun
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge. The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone.
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Chapter 1
The flight seemed so short. Not long after we had reached cruising height, we seemed to start our descent. I know that can't have been the reality, but that is what it felt like. My mind was in a whirl. I had an underlying anxiety about mum. She had been working crazy hours for years and now to do nothing, give up our home and not even have Lilith or me to look after. She needed the rest though. Then I had to look ahead. What was it going to be like with Mark and Jean. Would they expect me to clean the house and do the cooking as well as modelling. How on earth was I going to be able to sit still for hours at a time. I usually struggled to be still for minutes. Would they allow me to get a part time job. I would need to generate some money whilst I was there. What job would I be qualified for? Or could the professional modelling work out?
They had told us that they would meet me by the information desk. I hoped it would be Mark. I could remember what he looked like. The gentleman next to me, got my hand luggage down from the overhead compartment. I could have done it myself, but he was trying to be nice, so I smiled and thanked him. I followed the directions for the baggage reclaim, but had to stop on the way to go to the toilet. When I stopped, I'm pretty sure I caught that same guy, who was following behind me, staring at my arse. I'm not used to that. I guess that was something women have always had to put up with. If I am honest, when I had my crush, I tried to get to see as much as she had on offer, although I tried to be discrete.
I checked the mirror. Make up still good, check. Dress not too wrinkled, not that I could do much about it, check. Hair still OK, check. I almost forgot the reason I went in. Bladder emptied, check. I waited for my luggage. When it arrived, I started manoeuvring myself to get it, but another guy, who could see what I was doing, reached and grabbed it for me. Huh, this being a woman thing, had some advantages. So I smiled and said thank you again and headed off towards information.
I could see Mark there, but he was facing another direction, so he didn't see me until I presented myself in front of him and introduced myself.
“Hi Mark. I'm Jesse.”
“Hi Jesse.” He shook my hand. “Let me take that for you.” He then led me to the railway. He bought a ticket for me and we had to wait for the train to arrive.
“How was your flight.”
“Short. I feel like I barely had time to think before arriving. Everything is happening so fast.”
He smiled at me. “That's life, kid.”
The train arrived and we got on. I had never seen trains like this before. It was double storey. You got on and then had a choice to go upstairs or down to the different levels. It was a bit awkward with a case but Mark took control of that. After only a couple of stops we had to get off and change. Again after only a couple more stops we were getting out at Milsons Point near North Sydney. We then walked maybe half a kilometre to get to this rather large 3 storey house. Thankfully, Mark was manhandling the suitcase, it had wheels, but I was glad it was him rather than me. I guess, I am getting into this letting the man do the heavy lifting attitude.
The outside looked old, not very modern at all. The windows were all oldy worldy, like I sometimes saw on the TV showcasing British houses. Small panes of glass linked together with black lines. I could see the top floor had the most windows, but still in the same style. The inside, on the other hand, was immaculate. Almost clinical, spotless. The first floor was converted to an open plan design, with columns for support. So a large kitchen lounge diner. There was a beautiful staircase. There were a few other rooms that were closed. Mark was happy to show me the formal dining room, a toilet and a home theatre room with speakers in the ceiling and a projector with screen. The next floor was bedrooms and ensuites. Mark was telling me that originally it was a 6 bedroom house. 2 bedrooms on the 3rd floor, which they had converted to a studio, 4 bedrooms on the second floor, but they had lost one in the renovations, so that they had 3 bedrooms, all with ensuite. He showed me to the room they had prepared. It was white with more white. The curtains were a sort of net type material, but multiple layers, so it would mute the light, but not cut it out. White wardrobe, white drawers, white double bed with more white gauze enclosing it and white linens. The only non white feature was the flooring which was bamboo. The ensuite was a dark wood contrast. The floor was still the same light coloured bamboo, but the white sink sat on black granite and the cupboards had a walnut frontage. The tiles for the shower looked like dark wood. The fittings were all brass.
Jean was upstairs in the studio and would join us for lunch when she was ready. I got the impression that I was only to go upstairs to the studio when invited. I unpacked and hung up all the clothes I could. That didn't take me very long, so I wandered around in the rooms that he had shown me and had a look at the art work on the walls. I really wasn't educated regarding art. I didn't worry about who the artist was or the technique involved, I just wanted to know if I enjoyed the piece or not. I have to say all of it fitted its surroundings perfectly. In the formal dining area there were these paintings of people dining by candlelight. I particularly liked one where the background was a courtyard filled with cars, which this cafe faced and a couple were facing each other touching wine glasses together. And that was where they found me, staring at the painting and appreciating the feeling of contentment it generated.
“That was inspired from a visit to France. I think we were touring vineyards, tasting wine and ended the day with a lovely meal at a cafe.” Jean told me.
“It's beautiful and it gives me the warm fuzzies.”
Jean laughed. “I wish you could write my next review. Let's go and get some lunch and get to know one another.”
Jean was slightly older than Mark, and dressed a lot more casual. There was still a bit of paint in her hair, but with her warm smile, I felt welcomed. We walked to a small shopping area that had a food court at its centre. We had a casual stroll around the different stalls and each chose differently. I had a chicken parmigiana with chips, Jean had a curry and Mark had sushi.
“I'm afraid, neither of is much of a cook, so we tend to eat out quite a bit.” Jean commented.
“I can cook. I would be happy to. I can make up a list of the meals I can prepare and if you get the ingredients I will sort it out.”
“That is a surprise.” She leaned forward and spoke quietly so it would be difficult to overhear. “I thought girlhood was only a recent event.”
“True, but I have been cooking for years. Mum had to work a lot. It was easier if I cooked.”
“We have never done something like this before. Having someone stay with us. I had to have you. You really fired my brain up with ideas that I wanted to paint. I'm going to be blunt here.” She said, looking into my eyes. “I was expecting you having to stay with us to be a right pain, and yet, straight away, you want to make our life better.”
I wasn't sure how I was supposed to respond to that. I didn't want to be their servant, but I did want to fit in. “I have been told that I do great foot massages.”
“I'm sure you do. I wouldn't want you to touch my feet until after I had had a pedicure. I tend to get a bit focussed on my work and then neglect myself for a bit. I don't want to think about the state of my feet. How about we go for a pedicure together tomorrow?”
“Err... that sounds great.”
A good start, I thought. Mark seems a bit quiet, but Jean is full of passion and life. Both were nice.
Chapter 2
The rest of the day they pretty much left me to it. I made a list of meals I could prepare and ingredients. I ransacked the kitchen to try and find enough materials for that evening meal. That didn't take me very long. They were going to order out again, but I convinced them that I could make a good omelet. I was getting really bored and I had only been here half a day. I would need to talk to them about things to do. I wanted to go for runs and maybe join a library or something. A cleaner came in twice a week and the place was spotless so I didn't need to do any housework. Although I had left school early, I had been on top of all my homework and missing the last few weeks of term had been authorised without giving me any extra stuff to do. I needed some kind of part time work for when they didn't need me for modelling.
I spoke to them that evening, trying to get a feel for how I was going to fit in. They liked my cooking at least. They set me up online so that I could order the groceries and they would be delivered. Then we got into a discussion on art and how they were hoping I would fit in. Mark disappeared upstairs and Jean continued chatting with me.
“We have offered profit share a few times because I wanted to try a few things, but you are the first one to take us up on it. What do you know about my art?” Jean asked.
“Not a lot. All I can say is I like it. I couldn't tell you why.”
She took me to an amazing photograph of a pier with the sun setting. “This is one of Mark's. What do you think?”
“Beautiful. Truly beautiful.”
“But what emotions does it evoke.”
“I don't know, maybe, wonder at the natural beauty.”
“Mark and I always have this debate. He has this great ability to find the beauty in the world and capture it with his photographs. For me as an artist, I feel like it is missing something.” She then took me upstairs to her studio and showed me a picture of the same pier with a similar sunset but this time it had a boy at the end hunched over swinging his legs and next to him was a man holding a fishing rod casting it out to sea. They weren't a huge part of the picture but somehow that added to it immeasurably.
“I feel that you need human presence to give a perspective on a piece. From Mark's photo you can see a beautiful scene. From my painting, you can imagine being the boy at the end of the pier or the man fishing and that gives the whole thing more warmth. For me you need three things to be a great artist. You need to have the talent and skill to be able to paint what is in your mind's eye. A character flaw, being a perfectionist, and inspiration. You are going to be my muse, my inspiration. When I saw you, I immediately had ideas and that is why I wanted you here.”
“Umm. Thanks.” I think she was paying me a compliment.
“The problem with models is that getting paid is what it is all about. I am hoping that by doing a profit share, you can help me get what I want out of my inspiration with a different attitude. Sitting still for hours is not going to achieve that. No, what I wanted to try is to use Mark to help me capture my ideas, then print them life size and then paint them.”
“I will do my best. That does sound like I will have a lot of free time. I was thinking, maybe, I could get a part time job.”
“At the moment, I am just finishing a commissioned piece, then I will need your assistance. Hmmm. I will want you when I want you, but at the same time, there will be a lot of time when you are not needed. I will think about it. Maybe discuss it with my sister tomorrow.” We wandered back downstairs to the open plan area. I had heard Mark in his own part of the upstairs studio. He was clearly busy doing something else. “Tomorrow I have booked us in to my sister's salon for those pedicures. Marie wanted to give us the works, but I want that just before I am ready to paint you. I want to start with a portrait. I half want her to play with your make up. It will give me thoughts and get my creative juices flowing. The problem is, I need to get this commissioned piece finished first.”
I didn't really know what to say, so I went with “I'm in your hands.” She seemed a bit frustrated, but I think it was mainly that she wanted to get started but had to do other stuff first.
Mum phoned me that evening. I had texted her when I had arrived so she knew I had arrived safely, but now wanted the gossip of how my first day went. It wasn't a long conversation. I could report on the great living accommodation, but little else as yet. She was taking Lilith to the grands tomorrow, so she was unsure when or if she would be phoning me tomorrow. She was a bit worried about talking to me in front of granddad.
Today she had packed up as much of the house as she could. She had been assigned a one bed flat which was part of a retirement community and would be moving in in 2 weeks time. She had contacted the landlord and was trying to do right by him as much as possible. He had agreed to waive the fee for leaving the tenancy early if she kept the property in good condition. I think he was worried that she would trash the place, if she had nothing to lose. The bond would then be split between us and him depending on the arrears. When that happened she was hoping to put some money into my account. I reassured her that I was doing fine and there was even the possibility of getting a part time job.
The talk was pretty positive until the end when it was time to say goodbye. Then came out the 'I miss you' and 'I love you' and I am sure I heard crying before she put the phone down. We had arranged for all of my friends to Skype on either Saturday or Sunday morning, around 11 am so I had nothing further to do. Getting bored again I decided on an early night.
I had spoken to Jean about running in the morning and she had given me a key and suggested the track by the harbour bridge that went to Luna Park. So when I woke up early that is what I did. The sun was only just evident and there was more than enough light to see by. I started concentrating on where I was going, to make sure I knew the way back. When I got to the harbour bridge, I paused to enjoy the iconic scenery. Despite the early hour on a Saturday morning, I was not alone. There were other joggers, mostly with earplugs in and total focus on their running, and dog walkers. I stretched my legs and pushed myself until I had caught the runner in front of me. Not because I was interested in him, just because it was a challenge. Once I had achieved my goal, I slowed down, turned around and started heading back. I think the man thought I was playing with him. He turned shortly after I did and started chasing me down.
Then I was in a bit of a quandary. Did I let him catch me? I didn't mean any harm by catching up to him, maybe he would understand that and not make an issue, or do I increase my speed and not let him close. He looked a fit young man, maybe I didn't really have a choice, he would probably be able to catch me anyway. Whilst we were on a fairly frequently travelled track, I thought it best to stop and catch my breathe and see what he was going to do. I had been hearing the footfalls get closer and closer and didn't want him to chase me to an unknown part of the track.