She asked that we meet at a Starbuck’s near her apartment. Of course I welcomed the change of venue. I had been meeting potential roommates at their residences and thus far this had proved quite futile at best, and downright humiliating…or worse…at worst.
First there was anorexic Amy. She had black hair, black nails, black lips, wore black clothes, and the walls of her apartment were painted…well…black. There were no doors within her apartment. Beaded curtains hung to provide the illusion of privacy. She showed me directly into the living room space whilst explaining her terribly peculiar dietary habits. This was to be my space she offered with a sweeping motion of her bony hand.
I had already perfected a stock answer to such situations after my second unsuccessful attempt to find a place to live. ‘This is really quite nice. I have several more places to look at and I will definitely let you know. Thank you so very much!’
Then there was Joey. Joey could barely keep his hands to himself. He went on and on about how great a time the two of us would have as roommates. ‘Thanks…but no thanks Joey.’ Though I might look the part, my sexual orientation is NOT that well defined…if at all. I didn’t say that to Joey, but I sure did think it. Anyway, he wasn’t all that cute.
Dave was easy. I trudged all the way up to the Upper East Side of town to see his place. It appeared quite promising as I passed the doorman and then the front desk of the modern high rise. The building was less than ten years old and the appointments were truly dazzling. The gilt edging on nearly everything accented the crystal sconces and chandeliers. And the faux Persian carpet runners across the granite floors only added to the feeling of opulent sterility.
Dave proved to be a stark contrast to his surroundings. He answered the door with all of his burliness and alpha maleness held forth. He looked down at me in distain as he spoke.
“No fags need apply!”
He slammed his door in my face, fortunately before I had a chance to even darken his threshold. That is truly when I decided to come up with the generic reply to whomever, and whatever, else I might see. For my own self-esteem, I didn’t want to be caught in an unfavorable situation without having a reasonably thought out retort!
So, after two weeks of rejection, and rejecting, I welcomed Alison Mallory Morris’ suggestion that we initially meet at a lower Broadway location for coffee. I sighed with relief. I was being spared yet another adventure in wildly random futility.
Alison had asked for a picture so that recognition would be possible without offering one of her own in return. I understood her reluctance. After all, a woman alone in the Big Apple couldn’t be too cautious with a guy she had only met through e-mails, and IM’s, over the internet. I sent her the least threatening photo of my non-threatening personage I could find, making sure that I was attired in my ‘normal’ androgynous manner. I wanted no surprises or rejections prior to stating my case.
At the last moment, I decided to ‘butch up’ a bit for the meeting anyway. I wore white jeans, a blue jean shirt and my trusty black leather jacket. As a concession to my own sense of street style, I wore a crystal medallion given to me by my mother and my fave bracelet.
I sat drinking a steaming cup of the third choice down on the right side of the menu. Pointing and directing seemed to be far easier than attempting to correctly capture every descriptor listed. I was not a connoisseur of coffee and really had no idea of what I had ordered other than that it did contain caffeine. I sat facing the entrance, my eyes glued to the door and my right leg was jiggling nervously.
Fortunately I didn’t need to wait very long. No sooner had the clock’s hands arrived at six then she strode through the door. I knew this was Alison even without having her image in hand. If first impressions mean anything…I thought she looked absolutely perfect; the complete epitome of femininity.
As I gazed at Alison, she reminded me of one of those very expensive dolls with a hand painted porcelain face. She had these big expressive blue eyes set against her peaches and cream complexion. Her lips were pursed in a permanent kiss that exploded into the warmest of wide smiles upon spotting me. All this was framed by her naturally golden tresses carefully styled to her face’s shape.
Alison wore a cream colored dress that fell to just below her knees. It was a front buttoning cotton piece with a thin green vine pattern hosting small spring flowers in a variety of bright primary and secondary colors. She had cinched the waist with a bright red belt. I immediately thought how wonderful a pair of red pumps would accent her attire rather than the pink and white sneakers she wore.
Alison’s body type was what some people referred to as ‘hunky-chunky’. I preferred lush, plush, womanly and even curvy. She had broad hips and quite full breasts. Her waist, though narrow in proportion, was a bit stout and she did have a bit of a tummy. But, all in all, I would call her an urban fertility doll or even an anatomical invitation to procreation before anything else. That is if one happens to…’swing’ that way?
The Coach bag that hung from her shoulder was not an imitation. Alison grasped the strap of a hobo bag that hung from her other shoulder. She waved quickly to me and strode to the counter to get a cup of coffee. I watched her as she ordered and then received her cup, her back toward me. She turned and began to walk toward the table I was seated at.
I was mesmerized by the movement of her body. She walked with her hips thrusting forward, the rest of her body following in tow. The manner in which her body moved was amazing. It was as if her curves gently rolled like the sea’s waves. How totally feral and yet mesmerizing!
“Hi. You must be Andrew.” Alison’s said in a rich ‘contralto voce’ as she placed her cup down on the table and seated herself in the chair opposite me.
Alison held her hand out to me. I took it and immediately felt the warmth of her touch.
“Yes…I’m Andrew. And you’re Alison?” Derp…! I was very nervous and more than a bit tongue tied.
Alison was even more strikingly beautiful at this close distance. Her blue eyes twinkled with an innocence and yet a sense of play. There definitely was a fun loving child that lurked close to the surface within this very poised appearing woman.
“Well…it’s very nice to meet you Andrew. What do people call you Andie; as in…A-n-d-i-e?”
“Uh…no...” I had spelled it out. “A-n-d-y...” I smiled.
“Oh…” A very surprised look came over her face. I loved the way her eyes widened. “A-n-d-e-e…?” She smiled gloriously.
“Uh…no…A-n-d-y...” I giggled.
“Oh…” She grinned mischievously. “A-n-d-i…!”
My eyes rolled up and I smiled as I thought about that one. Hmmm… Well it did have a unique flair to it.
“Ummm… Okay…Andi.” I thought it was…cute? And…two could play this game. I would certainly find out if she had a sense of humor. “And what shall I call you…Alley?” I spelled it out.
“Nooo…people call me A-l-l-i-e.”
“Ohhh…Ali!” I giggled as my face lighted up. Alison giggled.
“No silly... Allie...”
After ‘Ally’, ‘Alli’, ‘Allee’, and ‘Alee’, we finally settled on ‘Andi’ and ‘Allie’. Allie was an absolute dream to speak with. She was so amazingly bubbly and…well…just excited about life I guess. I smiled as I watched her animated self as she spoke about her apartment in depth.
Allie owned the top floor apartment in a renovated loft building in Soho. The thirty five hundred square feet allowed for three bedrooms, each with its own bath. A portion of one side was devoted to being studio space. Allie worked as a stylist for an international food magazine but she was schooled in, and her true love is, ceramic arts. In other words, she is a potter.
Allie was amazed that I not only had a job, but that I had a job at a very prestigious advertising company. I explained that they had sought me out after one of their executives saw some of my drawings at a school exhibition.
“You went where? There…? Oh my Gawd! It’s almost impossible to get accepted into that school!”
“Well…? It was free…so I went.” I blushed and giggled.
I didn’t tell her I got an early acceptance. Okay…so I’m ‘gifted’…whatever the heck that’s supposed to mean. When other preschoolers were struggling with stick people, I was properly shading still life subjects. That’s not to say I didn’t work my scrawny little butt off. I wanted to leave home and go to another big city so badly that there was little I wouldn’t have done.
I mean it’s not like I even had a social life or anything even remotely resembling one. I always kept to myself and tried to be as invisible as possible. Whenever I was noticed, something crappy inevitably would happen. Even in a ‘special’ high school for the ‘gifted’ I was the odd one out. At least the abuse wasn’t physical. I’d had enough of that in middle school.
But such is life in the burbs. At least in the big city…any big city…I could fade into the scenery and be simply another bozo on life’s weird bus. I never dreamed I would fall into the middle of the universe… at least as far as I was concerned…of New York City.
“Okay…listen…” Allie drew closer to me from across our narrow divide as if to impart some secret. “I need to ask you this and I hope you aren’t offended…but I need to know.”
I couldn’t even begin to imagine what she wanted to know. But I could sense her discomfort with whatever it was she wanted to ask. I smiled and nodded.
“Do you always dress like this? I mean…you look more like an Andrea than an Andrew?”
O…M…G! And I purposefully ‘butched’ up this time. I felt myself turning vermillion.
“I know! It’s the locket, right? I knew I shouldn’t have worn it.” I looked at her with a pained expression as I fingered the crystal circle.
“It’s just that…I really love it? I was told it was my grandmother’s. It’s kind of good luck.”
“Well…let’s see…” Alison’s fingers went to her mouth to attempt hiding a giggle. “I saw the very same jean blouse in the ladies fashion section of a Macy’s ad. Your low rider jeans are cuffed and cropped…the latest style I might add?” Okay…so maybe her giggle was warranted at this point. “And those shoes…oh my God!!! How did you find them in your size?”
“I have small feet?” I felt like disappearing into the ether.
“Oh please…” Allie chuckled. “You do have amazing eyes.”
Alison reached across and clutched my hand in hers. Her expression was so sincere that I would have believed anything she told me.
“I honestly don’t care what you wear? And I really need to tell you I do love your street style? But you’re not into drag, are you?” I sat there stunned! “It’s just that I really don’t want any drama queens in my home life…at least not any more than the one that already exists.” She laughed; a lovely lilting open and honest and totally disarming laugh.
“No. I’m not into drag or anything like that.” I couldn’t help but giggle.
I mean she was being open in a non-threatening manner and I felt I needed to honestly explain myself to someone I might be living with for a while.
Women’s clothing always had color to it. I loved color. After all, I am an artist and color is my stock and trade, particularly in graphic arts for advertising. So it’s kind of natural for me to reflect this in my life. Women’s clothing also tended to have a closer and tighter knit to the fabrics which made them softer feeling and more comfortable against the skin to wear. And men’s clothes simply do not come in a size four for someone six feet tall.
I loved vibrantly colorful prints or solids and women’s blouses provided these elements. And the shorts and pants I wore followed suit in an androgynous way. Certainly the clothing was colorful, comfortable, and stylish but nothing was overtly femme; or so I thought. There was no sparkle or glitter. Well, none except for this one pair of jeans that had swirling electric pink and blue designs on the rear pockets. Oh yeah…and this one sweatshirt with a rose color beaded pattern across the pastel pink front.
Anyway, though I was more conservative in high school, I was able to fully express my tastes in college. Everyone wore things that were…eccentric? There were Goths and Emos and every shade of dressing style and then some. Nobody really noticed me in that kind of environment. And, living in the East Village, nobody even spared me a second look…at least not for my attire.
“Look… I’m inviting you into my world…my life really…and I simply want to know a little about you and…” She waved her hand at my manner of dress. “…understand.” She smiled warmly and spoke in a soft and calm voice. “It’s really okay if you’re a drag queen or something. I simply don’t need any performances in my home.”
After I explained my manner of dress, I told Allie that one of the main reasons I was interested in her advertisement was that she seems to value the calm and tranquility and the sense of sanctity of her home life. I had more than enough of dorm life and all the lack of privacy and peace that was denied to me. I truly sought a quiet refuge from the madness of big city life.
We spoke for quite a while longer. Every so often Allie would reach across the table a gently touch my hand to emphasize one thing or another. I enjoyed speaking with her immensely. She was very comfortable for me to be with. I actually became quite involved in conversation with her, which was very unusual for me. It was generally hard for me to warm to most people.
I suppose I was able to alleviate any misgivings Allie might have had because she finally sat back in her chair, smiled, and spoke.
“I think you’ll do. Would you like to see my place now?”
My beaming smile was all the answer she needed as she got up from her chair. I got up and before anything else offered to carry her bag. Allie cheerfully handed it to me and, much to my surprise, it weighed a ton! She must have read my expression because she giggled.
“I have today’s life in there. My planner and my shoes and my…everything…”
“Your shoes…?”
With a giggle she took the bag from me and sat it upon the table. She rummaged through it and pulled out a drawer stringed sack. Upon opening it she removed a red leather pump with a three-inch heel. Its color matched her belt. Looking at me, my wide opened eyes glued to the shoe, she spoke a laugh.
“I wear these at my desk and anywhere I need to walk whilst I’m at work. They come off when I’m at my desk…and the very second I start for home. Otherwise…” She held her sneaker-clad foot up. “…I live in these.” As Allie put the shoe back in its sack, she continued to speak. “I also have my lunch in here and whatever else I need for the day.”
I took the bag once Allie completed resettling everything within it and, after taking the remains of my coffee, I followed her out the door of the shop. The day’s light was beginning to fade in the cavern known as lower Broadway as we turned the corner and headed into Soho.
Her apartment was, to say the least, amazing. It would have no doubt rivaled any within the city. The building itself was quite unassuming; a typical old small industrial space of the very early twentieth century that had been renovated into open loft space.
From there Allie had the entire space reworked again constructing actually rooms and creating a lovely four bedroom, four and one half bath world of her own design. The ceilings were twelve feet high and she created loft areas as well as several ‘pit’ sections. There was a totally modern kitchen and a laundry room.
There were two master suites opposing each other and Allie offered me the unoccupied one. I was thrilled! It was huge; perhaps over three hundred square feet. The bath was amazing. Not only was there a good sized shower with numerous nozzles, but a tub with a Jacuzzi. I was in the virtual lap of luxury!!!
The closets were unbelievable. I could easily have lived in one of them. They ran the entire length of the room, the other side having large windows that allowed for amazing light. I could easily envision my own little studio area within the room…as well as maybe a swimming pool?
I felt like…OH MY GOD! Where do I sign my life away? And…if that wasn’t enough to entice me…she had art work scattered all around the place; paintings and photos and constructions and line drawings and watercolors and more than I could take in at a quick glance. And…if that wasn’t glorious enough…it was all new! I mean young artists known and unknown. People like me!
“When can I move in?”
“Well…there are a few things we must go over first. Let’s have another cup of coffee.”
I was stunned, floored, scattered, shocked, disheartened… But she was still smiling and she did invite me to stay at least a little bit longer. We sat at the island in the midst of the kitchen as coffee brewed on the counter.
“Okay…first of all…I am not a maid.” But I already knew that. Allie was a stylist. “I have a service come in once a week, on Friday, but that is it. You are more than welcomed to use the kitchen and everything else but I do expect you to clean up your mess.”
“Sure…of course.” I smiled but I felt like…who wouldn’t.
“And I don’t mind an overnight guest? You know?” Overnight guests…as if… “But not every night and not every weekend, okay?” I could see that this was not an easy subject for Allie to broach. “It’s just that I have had a bad experience in the past with guests.” I could only imagine having been in a roommate situation for four years. “Do you have any questions for me?”
“Yes…” I grinned from ear to ear as I could barely contain my excitement. “When can I move in?”
The entire process took two weeks. I needed to buy a bed; king-sized…of course. And I needed several other pieces including a really cool full sized drawing table. My belongings didn’t amount to all that much; a few boxes and suitcases. But it was a bit much for a cab so I hired a man and a van which turned into two men for some unknown reason.
The final move in of my personal stuff occurred on a Saturday in the late morning. Allie answered the door in a fleece hooded pink robe to let me and the movers in. I spent the remainder of the morning sorting my things out and settling in. Allie offered to assist me if I needed help but there wasn’t enough to really bother her with.
After hanging up my clothing and shelving what needed shelving, I sat and made up a list of things I would need in addition like window shades of some sort and throw rugs and such. I had an idea of where to go and buy these things but I wanted to consult with Allie first in the event she knew of a good cheap shop.
“Well…if you’d like I could go with you. There are several good places around here and a few in China Town. Why don’t we grab a bite to eat and then do your shopping?”
“Uhhh… Sure...” I liked the idea of the company. And lunch was totally a great idea. I was starving. “I just need to do a quick wash and change, okay? About…ummm…ten minutes…?”
“Fifteen for you...” Allie laughed.
I quickly washed and dried myself. A shower cap saved me a great deal of time so I simply brushed out my hair and put it in a ponytail. I chose a simple white sleeveless cotton blouse, a pair of rust colored pants with a slightly flared leg and color matched skimmers. I put out a clean panty…okay…Jockey’s for her…in cotton bikini cut…if you really must know…in powder grey. And white cotton knee highs.
A necklace, little gold studs in my ears, a woven string bracelet and three rings and I was ready. I grabbed a sweater jacket from my closet…MY closet…my hobo bag and I was out my bedroom door and into the kitchen to find Allie sitting and having her last sip of coffee. She turned toward me and smiled.
“Oh my God…!!! You look…lovely.”
“Thanks.” I blushed. God only knows what shade of red... She continued to gaze at me.
“You know something? You could be a model.”
“What...?!” What...?! Me…?
“I mean seriously. You’re so tall and slender and you have really unique features.”
“Yeah…a big nose and a sqwooshed face and…”
“Don’t forget one of the top women’s fashion models was a male.”
“Yeah…but I don’t look anything like that.” I laughed.
“And you really look quite lovely…” Allie got up and walked to me. She reached out and took my chin in her hand, turning my face from side to side. “…and with a little help from the ole’ cosmetics box…you could look devastating!”
“Yeah... My face could end the war in Syria!”
“No Andi…seriously…” Allie walked to the counter and grabbed her purse and her hobo bag. “Maybe one day you’ll let me shoot you.” Yeah… Like between the eyes? She suddenly turned toward me. “You know I do know how to use a camera and film.” She giggled as we left the apartment and headed down for the street.
I had, without any doubt, one of the loveliest days I could remember…at least in the past few years. Allie was an absolute delight. She took my arm and virtually held it captive the entire afternoon. We walked around the neighborhood and I got to see it as never before. I was always only interested in the many galleries and what they had to offer. Allie showed me everything else.
“My hair stylist works here.” She said as we stopped to gaze through the window. “You should pay her a visit. After all, you have a real job now and looking good starts from the top down.”
I nodded. My hair was way long at this point and I really needed to do something with it. A perennial pony tail only went so far. But a hair stylist…?
“Hmmm… I don’t know. I’d feel a little…out of place?”
“Don’t be silly. Everyone in the area comes here for a cut. I’m scheduled for next Saturday morning. I could make an appointment for you if you’d like.” I guess I had one of my ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ looks on my face. “Oh come on…it’ll be fun. And I’ll be there for moral support.” I could tell there was no getting around this and so I acquiesced.
We had a wonderful brunch at a local bistro. Allie was so comfortable to be with that I didn’t see her as…a landlord? She paid with the understanding that we would alternate this kind of thing. In essence I was suddenly a…’suit’…but without a suit?
I asked Allie why she wanted to have a roommate. I mean she seemed to have all the money. Everything she owned was top shelf, even her coffee machine. And no expense seemed to be spared in her apartment’s fixtures and furnishings.
“I’m trying to live within my salary? But this apartment set me back quite a bit and its upkeep, and my upkeep, has me stretched to the limit. And, to be perfectly honest, it’s a really big place. I feel better knowing that there is someone else there with me. You know what I mean?”
I knew, understood, and nodded with a smile. It could be somewhat lonely being by oneself in the city. I didn’t understand why someone like her should be alone though. Allie seemed to have everything going for her; a great gig, a great apartment, and she’s totally a hottie. That answer would have to wait for a later date though. I’m the last one to pry.
We returned late in the afternoon totally exhausted and completely sated from our outing. I thought that there was enough commonality for a very pleasant relationship to form and, in fact, we had already bonded to some degree. Doing retail therapy with someone as easy going as Allie seemed to have that effect.
I went to my room to begin assimilating my new acquisitions. More often than not Allie’s sense of style seemed to overlap mine and everything seemed to simply slip into place like a piece of a jig saw puzzle. I rested on my bed and soon fell into a deep sleep.
Upon arising, I went into the kitchen where I found a note on the island counter top. It was from Allie and it explained that she was out on a date with a “friend”…her quotation marks…not mine, and she wouldn’t be back till morning. She mentioned that if I wanted to stay in there were several containers of different, but relatively fresh, foods and I was welcomed to any that might appeal.
After snacking I showered and changed into my traditional bed clothes; a panty and an oversized tee shirt. I sat upon my bed, propped up by a pillow against the wall, and opened a new sketch book. I began to sketch in pencil.
This was something I had developed into a habit at a very young age. I would try and empty my mind and, when the feeling struck, begin to sketch whatever might appear. I managed to keep most of my sketch books through the years and I would, from time to time, leaf through them for inspiration and ideas.
This day was quite unusual though. I seemed to be sketching curves; very organic but way diff than a usually well-defined object or theme. I sketched curved lines and combinations of curved lines for some time. I even developed the lines into curved objects; the pear and hour glass shapes being foremost amongst the drawings. I eventually created a few that were very pleasing to my eye. I considered this a good productive evening to crown a very fun and productive day. Setting my pad and pencils aside, I rested my head upon the pillow and fell asleep.
To be continued
Work was a bit frantic over the next few days. We had the opportunity to obtain a huge new account but the potential client wanted to see some ideas first. This was always a somewhat risky business because there was little to prevent an idea from being stolen. Anyway, I had been spending most of my time either at work or in my room attempting to come up with something to add to the collective creative pot.
I guess it was Wednesday night when I smelled an aroma so familiar and immensely stimulating and compelling that I needed to put my pencils down. I became too incredibly distracted and aroused that I was beside myself! And I couldn’t seem to refocus for anything. Suddenly there was a knock on my bedroom door.
“Hey Andi…would you like some popcorn?”
Popcorn…my bane…food of the Gods!!!
“Andi…” My door slowly opened and Allie stuck her head in. “Would you…”
“Yeah…! Sure…! Absolutely…!”
I hopped up on my knees, my pad sliding onto the bed. I felt almost like a dog with its paws up in a begging position. Allie entered my room smiling. I giggled upon noticing that she was wearing a similar nighttime outfit, her tee shirt dropping to just below her knees and her house robe falling open.
“Come sweetie. It’s in the kitchen. Do you like cooking shows? Want to join me for the Iron Chef?”
“Uhhh… Sure…” I grinned and followed Allie into the kitchen after grabbing and donning my robe whilst salivating the entire way as the aroma of the popcorn became almost overwhelming.
“Oh wow…! You made the real thing.”
There resting on the center island was a huge two gallon pot filled past the top lip with popcorn. Now I happen to consider myself the popcorn king…queen…royalty? But Allie’s did smell pretty good…for an amateur’s attempt.
Allie began to fill her bowl when I asked if she had a larger one that I could empty the pot into. She pointed toward one of the cabinets and I spotted a large bowl through the glass cabinet door. After dumping the contents of the pot into the bowl, I immediately went to the sink and, after putting a bit of soap into the pot, filled it with hot water and placed it on the counter top to soak.
“Oh you are so cool Andi. I think we’ll get along splendidly.” Allie’s smile was…blinding. “I’ll finish cleaning it later.”
“Nopers…! You cooked so I’ll clean.” I grinned.
“Oh we are definitely going to get along.” Allie giggled as her sparkling eyes gazed at me.
I actually loved to do the dishes, and the cleaning, and even the laundry with its many banal sub-tasks. The time provided me with the opportunity to think about…things…things that normally took up more valuable time on other occasions.
As we sat in her media room I relished the visual pleasure of watching the picture on a really large screen. I was so accustomed to my computer screen or the small set my mother had at home and now I sat in front of a sixty-inch monster. I sat at one end of the three seat center sectional piece of a huge multi-piece ‘pit’. Allie sat on the opposite end. I set the large bowl on the empty seat between us.
“Do you mind…?” I began to ask.
“Not at all…!” Allie replied before I could even finish my question.
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely…!”
I went and retrieved a thick terry cloth towel to place beneath the bowl. We sat in somewhat comfortable silence as the show began. I used the towel to wipe my fingers and Allie appreciated that she could save the napkins she had previously brought in. I sat down and mimicked Allie’s position; my legs tucked beneath me, and my body leaning into the arm of the loveseat.
Allie grabbed a hand full of popcorn and eyed me closely, a look of curiosity on her face. She slowly picked kernel after popped kernel with her lips and slowly munched each whilst staring at me the entire time.
“What?” I smiled.
“Nothing...” Allie giggled and shook her head. “It’s just that…” She paused to pull a few more kernels into her mouth. “It’s just that…well…are all your clothes…they’re kind of…” Her face suddenly took on a pained expression as if she was afraid she might hurt me? “…kind of femme?”
I blushed and smiled and nodded my head.
“Yeah... Well…” I was quick to add. “…mostly androgynous…? It’s kind of like I told you. I just have this image of myself. Like in slacks and cute jackets and blouses, you know?”
Allie nodded her head but the curious look was still there. She sort of understood, but not quite. I turned my body slightly to face her more evenly.
“I like the way certain women’s clothes feel; the materials and the styles. But I don’t wear dresses or skirts or stuff.”
“Why not…?” Allie smiled and giggled.
I laughed nervously.
“Well…I always thought I would look ridiculous dressed that way. I mean…I know I’m a guy and I guess I do have my…limits?”
“Okay.” She shrugged. “Do you like the popcorn?” Thank God…! A different subject…! But I just knew she wasn’t done with this one.
“Oh yeah, it’s really good.”
Food always got me excited; recipes and such were such a rush. It was so much like what I do in that you take very ordinary things…like spices and such…and make something quite extraordinary by combining them.
“You must let me make this for you some time. I have a secret recipe that I think you’ll love.”
“Oh yeah…? What’s in it?”
Allie grabbed a throw pillow and clutched it to her; hugging it and resting her chin atop it. I took one from behind me and began to do the same.
“Oh no…!!! Not that one!!!” Allie was quite emphatic. “I sit on that one!!!”
“Ewww…” I held it up and away from my body and face.
“Try this one. It’s much better.”
She laughed as she handed me one closer in size to the one she held. I took it and again mimicked her by clutching it to my chest and resting my chin upon it. I could smell her scent on the pillow. I could smell something else that was quite…attractive; her essence maybe?
“So…?” Allie said with a giggle. “What’s in it?”
“Well…?” I giggled. “If I told you then it wouldn’t be a secret recipe.”
We spent the remainder of the evening very pleasantly watching various shows. Allie liked to skate channels but she always seemed to skate to particular shows. One was a fashion design show. Another was a bridal show. Whilst these programs were all kind of fantasy things, they were not all that far from what she did for a living. And yet I could sense it was the fantasy aspect she was enjoying.
Soon the large bowl was empty and the night was over. Allie joined me in the kitchen as I washed the bowls and pot. I wouldn’t let her do anything other than to show me where the things were kept. We talked of various bits of nothing; the kind of mindless talk that seems to bring people closer together whilst doing the drudgery part of living…such as washing and drying pots and bowls.
Saturday came around soon enough. I hadn’t seen much of Allie since our popcorn feed fest and, having come in only God knows when, I suspected I wouldn’t see her till sometime Saturday afternoon. Much to my surprise she joined me in the kitchen for coffee around ten. She didn’t look well at all with dark circles beneath her reddened eyes and her skin paler than I’d ever seen it.
I poured her a mug and slid it across the counter top to her. Allie smiled weakly and bent over the counter slightly holding her forehead in her hand. She made no move toward the milk and sugar I had placed in front of her.
“You should probably go back to bed for a while. You really don’t look so good.”
“I’ll be okay after I shower.” She spoke without looking up. “Anyway, we both need to have our heads chopped.”
“Would you like something to eat? Can I fix you anything? Maybe some…”
Allie held up her hand palm out telling me to stop. She looked up and again smiled weakly.
“If I eat, I’ll only barf it up. Too much of everything last night...” She placed her forehead onto her palm with her elbow on the counter top.
I stayed with her long enough to know that she was beginning to come around and then I left her to get myself ready for the day. I quickly showered and washed my hair. Having never been to a salon, or having had my hair cut by a ‘stylist’, I didn’t know what to expect. The one thing I did know was that it was way long and I didn’t want any tangles to exacerbate the styling situation.
After donning a panty and tee, I blow dried my hair combing it straight back. It fell to my shoulders so I knew there would be latitude to try something…edgy…for me? I dressed in a simply cotton short sleeved apple green blouse with front buttons and a pair of buff colored cotton Capri pants. My skimmers matched my blouse and a simple cordovan leather belt completed the outfit.
I looked at my image in the mirror and it didn’t quite match the one I had in my mind. I needed earrings. I had gotten my ears pierced when I first entered college. It was something I felt I needed to do and, with no one to stop me or make weird comments, I went and did it on my second day away from home. I had two piercings done in each ear lobe. I actually considered having three in one lobe. I was always a sucker for asymmetry but I figured I could always have it done later.
I rummaged through my jewelry box to find something…suitable. Though I always purchased two sets of the same earrings, I rarely wore the two. In fact, I often wore a dissimilar set again out of a sense of asymmetry. But today I went for my favs; antique glass beaded drops. The largest bead hung from the bottom and progressively smaller ones went up to the hook.
I loved the way light hit the facets of the beads because a multitude of colorations flashed with gold and brown being predominant. I also had a matching three-strand necklace and bracelets that I promptly dug out and put on. I dashed to the bathroom mirror to check myself out. This was def much better. The drop earrings hung down about three and one half inches that was perfect for highlighting my long and slender neck.
I glanced down at the bracelets and shook them rapidly. The design was such that it was difficult to see where the catch was. The thought flashed through my mind that it might be nice to be secured to a bedpost with silk scarves running beneath the bracelets and then tortured with the gentle sensation of fingertips caressing my body. I shivered with a flash of excitement and wondered ‘where ever did that thought come from’?
Back at the jewelry box I surveyed my assortment of rings. As with my other adornments, these were nothing truly precious but each piece was selected very carefully. I hated junk and the only thing worse was tasteless junk. I reached for my ‘cats eye’ agate, which was my fave piece and that went on my right index finger. Next a silver band with a polished amazonite stone for my left pinky and a jaspagate for my right pinky.
I grabbed my hobo bag after throwing my wallet into it. I met Allie in the kitchen. She took one look at me and laughed. My hands flew to my face. What had I done wrong? Was I that off in what I had chosen?
“What?” I was nearly in tears. “Do I look that awful?”
“Oh no sweet heart…” Allie’s expression suddenly turned to concern. She reached out and took my hands in hers, pulling them away from my face. “You look amazing! You look like you’re ready to go out and get laid!” She laughed again.
“Too much…?” I knew it! Well…maybe not really.
“We’re going out for a haircut honey. You look like you’re ready for a date.”
“Okay…wait just a minute and I’ll change.”
“Oh no you don’t…!” The serious look on Allie’s face was simply that; serious. “I wish I looked as good. Are you sure you’re not hiding a vagina on you somewhere? Maybe in your pocket or something…?” She giggled.
We both laughed at that thought and we headed down for the street. But her comment echoed in my ears. What would I do with a vagina even if I had one? Allie took my arm as we strolled toward the salon. Her easy chattering help sooth my nerves. Having never done a salon before, I had no idea of what to expect. And even though I saw other guys in the shop upon entering, my nervousness was still not quelled.
The first thing that struck me upon entering the salon was the smells. My all too prominent nose was assaulted by the stench of chemical…fumes. I found it hard to believe that anyone would want anything that smelled like what I smelled in his or her head. The second thing that struck me was the very loud techno music blasting over the speakers. Allie must have sensed my hesitancy.
“Don’t worry Andi. We’re not doing anything radical…today.” Her giggle didn’t help.
A woman, perhaps slightly older than Allie, approached us. She greeted Allie warmly and was introduced to me as Leona.
“Allie has told me all about you.” Oh my God…! All about me…? “You really look amazing and I’m sure I can add quite a bit to your look. We need to wash your hair first.”
Leona swept my hair back over my ears and removed my earrings.
“Here honey…you’d better hold these. They’ll only get in the way.” She began to hand them to me.
“I’ll take those.” Allie held her palm out and Leona dropped the earrings into her hand. Allie took each one by the hook and gazed at them. “These are really quite lovely.” She held them against her lobes and gazed at herself in the mirror. “I may not give these back to you.”
She laughed as she turned her head this way and that, checking out the swing of the beads as she held her golden locks back as she watched them swing. They did look great on her but really…take them?
Leona took my arm and gently, but firmly also sensing my hesitation, escorted me to a line of sinks about halfway through the shop. She sat me down and didn’t simply shampoo my hair; she massaged my scalp as well. I felt so relaxed by the time Leona finished that I was reluctant to get up from the chair.
Leona quickly and briskly towel dried my hair and escorted me to her station which was at the front of the shop. She removed the towel from my head, placed a cape around me, and sprayed some clear liquid all over my head. She then briskly massaged that throughout my hair and then combed it out.
“God…your hair is so straight and thick!” Leona laughed. “And long… We can do a lot with it. Did you have anything special in mind?”
“Uhhh…” OMG…! Who thinks that far ahead? “Maybe trim the ends?”
My psychic pain must have shown on my face. I had no idea what-so-ever.
“Well? You’re in the real world now Andi and you need something that looks great and is easy to care for. You can’t spend hours making it look good and the pony tail will become a bit worn after a while? You need a look so you might as well start now”
Allie was right on that one. Though I had the pony tail for years, I was in the business world now and had to at least look the part. Leona rubbed her chin in thought as she glanced at Allie, and then me. Almost at the same time they both chanted.
“Chin length bob!” Their gaze switched from each other to me and their smiles were almost mischievous. I, of course, had no idea of what they were speaking about; chin length bob?
Now I must tell you, nothing is more frightening then having to step into the unknown with both eyes closed and with the biggest leap possible. When Leona took her shears and clipped a long length of hair off of the side of my head, I lost my voice and kind of squeaked. Then I shut my eyes to both ladies’ giggles and let Leona do her thing.
I tried to block everything out, especially the clipping noise of Leona’s shears. But it was simply not possible. Between the ‘music’, the clipping noise, and Leona and Allie’s constant chatter, I was besieged by sounds. The only saving grace was that I knew this would end…someday! And finally it did.
“Okay sweet heart… Open your eyes.” Even with my eyes closed I could ‘hear’ Leona’s smile.
I opened them as Leona swung the chair around to face the mirror. I was shocked, no stunned and totally blown away by the image in the mirror!
“It needs to be washed again and blown out but…” Leona bent down a bit to appear alongside my ear with a big smile. “…let me show you something.” Leona grabbed a thin cylinder and sprayed a glob of foam into her palm. “Just in the event…” Leona spread the foam throughout my hair and then combed it straight back. The kind of femme chin length bob was gone and a kind of butchy guy cut took its place.
“Nice…huh…?” She giggled.
I smiled as I turned my head this way and that. I had to admit the cut was…perfect! Leona took me back to the sinks and once again washed my hair. Then, after towel drying, I was ushered back to her station where she blew dried and combed out my new ‘do’. I also had to admit that the more I watched her work her magic, the more I liked what she had done.
My smile was a mile wide by the time she had finished. I loved it! Fluffed out slightly it seemed to complete a picture in my head. I touched the sides of my new cut gently as if too heavy a hand would break it. The bangs were longish and the middle part kind of hid my forehead. I shook my head rapidly, playing with the way my hair simply seemed to easily fall back into place.
“Next…!”
Leona shouted letting me know that Allie now needed the space I occupied as well as her styling talents. Before Leona could even raise her shears, I held my palm out to Allie and giggled. She took the little darlings out of her ears and placed them in my palm.
“But I do want to wear them one day…and maybe with the necklace?”
I smiled and nodded. I actually felt quite warm and fuzzy with the idea that someone like Allie, who I considered to be quite well put together, even in this casual mode, would covet something I owned. After putting them back where they belonged, I stood off to the side half watching Leona work and half watching myself in the mirror. I think I was falling in love with myself; my image!
After Allie got trimmed, we went to a small restaurant nearby. We sat outside and had sandwiches and a glass of wine.
“So what are you up to tonight?” Allie asked a great question because I really had no idea.
“I was thinking of maybe doing one or two of the galleries. Preston’s had a new exhibit using glass and light.” Suddenly a light bulb went off in my head! “Want to come along?”
I nearly made a sour face after I spoke. Did I sound…desperate…for company? Allie’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and she smiled and giggled.
“Are you asking me out on a date?”
“No…I…” I blushed a totally new shade of crimson and began to mentally choke up.
“Relax sweetie…I’m just teasing.” Allie giggled again.
She does have such a lovely giggle when I think about it. I cleared my throat.
“I just thought you might like to see something new and…to be totally honest…I would love your company.”
“Oh God…you are so sweet. And…actually…? I’d love to go.” Allie frowned a bit. “But I have a date tonight.”
Her voice trailed off a bit. She looked down at her hands. I knew that gesture well enough. I reached across the table and covered her hands with mine.
“Something you feel like…talking about?” As if I’m an expert in anything other than inks and crayons.
Allie took a deep breath and let it out. She looked up at me and then took my hand in hers.
“No… It’s just that…this guy…” Allie looked up at me and back to our hands. I could sense she was mulling something over. “It’s just that I’ve been seeing him for six months now and nothing is happening…you know?”
No…not really... But I’m willing to learn. I mean you could count my relationships on a no-fingered hand. But I knew about hurt and pain and that’s what I sensed in Allie.
“Nothing…?” I said in a surprised manner.
She giggled and smiled again. Well…that is something I guess.
“You’re so silly. I mean he treats me nicely and he is attentive when we’re together and the sex is…well…amazing.” She rolled her eyes upward as a huge grin appeared upon her face.
“But…?”
“But…well…every time I mention taking it to the next level? He’s just not there.”
In truth I wasn’t really sure what she meant by the next level? But I could guess it was an intimacy type of thingy.
“Well how often do you see him anyway?” Allie looked up at me and I could see there was a bit of anger in her eyes.
“Well you see…that’s just the thing. Sometimes I see him almost every day and other times he’s gone…like for a week or two.”
“Gone???”
“He travels a lot for his work. He’s a financial analyst? He visits the companies he analyses and sometimes he’s gone for as long as two weeks.”
At this point I really should have kept my mouth shut and simply stayed a good roommate. But nooo…not me…! I could see tears begin to well up and I really felt for her. I mean…maybe I was just reading too many personal advice columns or something.
“Well how about holidays? Is he with you then or does his traveling know no bounds?”
“Sometimes he’s with me.”
Honestly I would have expected ‘sometimes we’re together, you know?
“What does his family think of you?”
“Well, my family seems to like him though we don’t often visit them. But he’s not on great terms with his parents? I haven’t met them yet.”
He’s married! Can’t you figure that out? What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know that he’ll never get any ‘closer’?
“Oh God…” I frowned. “That’s such a shame.”
“Yeah…” Allie looked down at her hands again and then took another sip…well…actually more of a gulp. “I don’t know what to do.” Her voice dripped of sadness.
FUCKING DROP HIM!!! HE’S MARRIED YOU FOOL!!!
“Well…maybe you should cancel tonight and see what his response will be.”
“Yeah... I did that once and he got all bent out of shape. ‘Oh…we have so little time together as it is’…” Allie animated what she said in a whiny voice and flopping hands. “…and ‘I can’t be without you’ and ‘I had such a special night planned for us’…it was almost embarrassing. It was like I was the guilty party, you know. And what was worse is that I felt like I was.”
LEAVE HIM! HE WILL CRUSH YOUR HEART..YOUR SOUL!
Why can’t she hear me? Why can’t I simply take her by the neck and wring the truth into her? I felt so connected to her pain. I knew what it was like to pine for something…someone I couldn’t have.
“My friend Jillian…? She thinks he’s married.”
NO SHIT SHERLOCK!
I felt like smacking the back of her head and hitting the reset button.
“She could be right you know. At least it sounds like he’s hiding something.”
“Yeah… I know.” Allie verged on tears.
What had started out as a really nice day had kind of turned to poopie shit. It was my fault I know. I shouldn’t have gotten so involved in Allie’s personal life. It really was none of my business. But I couldn’t help myself. There was something about her that I could relate to. I suppose in a way we bonded…over popcorn…at the salon? I guess weirder things have happened. I wanted desperately to change the topic at this point.
“Listen sweetie…” My first term of endearment for her...? “I hope you don’t mind and I certainly don’t want to encroach on you, but, would you give me a call on my cell phone if you stay out all night…or if your plans change?” Allie looked at me with a very surprised expression.
“Sure Andi…but why?” She smiled sadly.
“So I don’t worry about you? Anyway, it’s a good thing to do. I’ll call you in the event that a miracle occurs and I’m out all night. Okay…?”
She laughed.
“Oh God… That’s so sweet. Okay... Yeah, it’s a good idea.”
We walked back to the apartment arm in arm and, truth to tell, I felt very comfortable that way. I mean…it was not like she was my girlfriend and yet…in a very real sense…she def was my girlfriend…or at least becoming that.
I did get back into the feeling of my new hairstyle. I felt so very much lighter without that mop on my head and I loved the way the wind caught strands and locks of my hair, tussling it about. And I was even getting a few…stares? Allie was quick to notice and pointed out how both guys and women were checking me out.
When we arrived back at the apartment, Allie went to her room to rest up for her date and I went to mine to undress, get comfy, and stare at myself in the bathroom mirror. There was no doubt that the cut helped hide my longish face and unduly large beak. There was also no doubt that I would have an interesting day on Monday at the office looking as I did now.
To be continued
I never left the apartment. My mind was too occupied thinking about Allie and her ’boyfriend’. So I did what came naturally. I got comfy in my sleeping tee, reclined on my bed, and began sketching in my sketchpad. The theme was the same as on the other pages; curves, hour glasses, and pear shapes. But this time there were new curves in new places and, oddly enough, the shapes began to resemble breasts. It was about nine thirty when my cell phone tinkled. It was Allie.
“Where are you?” She asked emphatically.
There was no hello, hi, how are you, or anything. I could hear her sniffling.
“I’m in the apartment. What’s wrong Allie?”
“Want to join me for a drink?”
“Come home Allie. We can have a drink here.” I listened closely. All I could hear was her sniffling softly. “Would you like me to come and get you?”
“No…” I could hear more sobbing.
“Take a cab or Uber it. Come home and we’ll talk…okay?” I listened carefully again. “I’ll get dressed and we can go out if you’d like. But please… Come home sweet heart.” I heard more sniffling and a soft mew.
“Yeah... Okay... I’m on my way.”
She sounded so…so totally wiped out. I had no idea of where she was or how long she’d take to come back but I began to ready myself if she chose to go out when she returned. I very quickly showered being most careful to preserve what was left of Leona’s styling and I got dressed in something more suited for the evening down in Soho.
I donned black leather pants, a very soft white tee and my trusty black leather jacket. My kitten heeled black pumps over my thigh high black stockings completed my ‘look’. I was not exactly a fashion statement of a high degree but I would certainly fit into the night quite well down here.
I went downstairs to wait in the event she needed…help? Allie finally arrived about eleven. She exited the cab looking a bit disheveled and somewhat lost. I went up to her and grasped her arms.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah…”
“Have you eaten anything?”
“No…” Allie looked up at me. I could see she was crying. “I’m not really hungry?”
I took a tissue out of my bag and handed it to her. I began to straighten her dress out and ran my fingers through her hair to move it out of her face.
“Listen, let’s go upstairs. I’ll fix you something to eat and we’ll have a drink. Then we can talk if you’d like.”
Allie nodded and let me take her around her shoulder to lead her back inside. It was as though she was in shock. After throwing off my jacket and dropping my bag, I sat her at the counter and began to rummage through the fridge to see what I could throw together. I hadn’t really been out shopping yet because most of my meals I ate at work. I did find some eggs and cheese and a few other things so I went to work finally having the opportunity to use her marvelous gas range.
Within fifteen minutes I managed to have two egg and cheese sandwiches made. Well…they were not exactly your standard egg and cheese dishes. The cheese was brie and the bread was a baguette. I spiced the eggs with scallions, fresh garlic and one of those five colored peppercorn mills. I poured us each a glass of white wine and joined her at the counter.
Allie began eating very slowly whilst staring off into the distance. After a few minutes color returned to her cheeks and she actually began to focus a bit.
“I guess I was hungry.” She said with a sniffle.
“You think?” I giggled. She had devoured half the sandwich and began working on the other half. “Feeling a little better?” Allie shook her head as she took another bite of her sandwich. “I really need to go shopping and get some things.”
“We can go tomorrow. I usually eat out but we can share some things…if that’s okay with you?”
I nodded. Allie had eaten most of the second half sandwich, much to my surprise. When she finally sat upright, she smiled as she wiped away a tear running down her face.
“That…was good. I can’t thank you enough. I didn’t realize I would be getting such service from a roomie.” She laughed.
I reached for the remaining bit, raising my eye brows in question.
“Sure.” She giggled. Allie got up and came around and, whilst I was in mid bite, hugged me and kissed my cheek. “I really can’t thank you enough for this.” I giggled and briefly snuggled into her hold.
“So what happened?”
“Let me go and get comfortable and I’ll tell you.” Allie got up and started for her bedroom.
“By the way…” She turned back to me as I spoke, placing the plates into the sink. “…you look amazing tonight.”
“Thanks. But it was wasted.” She made a sour face.
“Oh God…on you it’s never wasted.” She smiled at me, blushed…oh…vermillion, and went to her bedroom to change.
Allie did look wonderful in a long aqua halter necked dress that, although it was an easy fit, fit her perfectly. Every one of her delicious curves screamed out her anatomical invitation to procreate; not to me maybe so much…but certainly to most guys.
What did scream out to me were her shape and the color contrast between her peaches and cream complexion and the manner in which the fabric draped her body. If I had her body, you wouldn’t catch me in pants or shorts; only skirts and dresses and in fabrics that draped and flowed.
Allie came bounding back into the kitchen after about fifteen minutes wearing her usual night time panty, tee shirt and robe. She had removed what was left of her makeup and looked somewhat refreshed. She went to the freezer and, after rummaging around a bit, took out a plastic container. Allie then walked past the counter grabbing her wine glass.
“Grab the wine sweetie and I’ll tell you my sad tale.” She laughed on her way to the television room.
I joined Allie to find her sitting on the loveseat section, legs folded beneath her and fav pillow clutched to her breast. She had only just popped open the top of the plastic container and looked up at me.
“I hope you like dark chocolate.” She giggled as she exhibited the contents. “It’s all imported and simply wonderful. Every little morsel is an orgasm for the mouth.” Allie laughed.
I took my usual place and poured us another glass of wine as Allie popped a chocolate into her mouth and handed me a pillow to clutch as well.
“So…what happened?”
I was dying to know by this point. Allie took a big sip of her wine.
“Well…I got there and I don’t know…I think what you said kind of kept playing in my head? So when he went to the bathroom I grabbed his cell phone and searched the most commonly called numbers.”
Allie began to cough up a bit and I could see a tear or two come to her eyes. I moved closer and clutched her hand in mine and waited for her to compose herself a bit. I took one of the chocolates from her box and pulled the wrapper open with my teeth. In spite of being frozen, I could still smell the aromatic scent of the chocolate.
“So I called the number that popped up the most frequently.”
I nearly choked on the chocolate! I stared at her wide eyed and with a broad grin on my face.
“Oh my God…!!! You didn’t!!!”
“I did.”
“And…? What happened…?”
She couldn’t tell me quickly enough!
“Well…a woman answered. I could hear kids playing in the back ground. I asked for him.” Poor Allie began to cry. I handed her a tissue from a box sitting on the coffee table. She could barely speak. “She said he was out of town on business. She asked if she could she help me with anything.”
“Where were you calling?”
“Queens…! He lives across the fucking river!”
I was stunned! I couldn’t imagine how terribly stunned and hurt she felt. Her lover lied to her. The one person she was the most intimate with totally deceived her.
“So then what did you say to her?”
“I told her the truth. I said Steven was in Manhattan with me and that I was going to fuck his brains out.”
“You what…!” OH…MY…GOD…!
“Yeah…I told her that and then I texted her a picture of my vagina.”
“What…!” OHMYGOD…!
“Yeah…from his phone…” Allie looked up at me with her big blue eyes blush reddened with tears. “I was so very angry!”
I began to laugh! I mean…it was certainly something out of a movie or something. I took her hand in mine and kissed her fingers. Allie began to giggle between her tears.
“That was…brilliant! I don’t think you’ll be hearing from him again. You sent a picture of your vagina?”
Allie began to laugh as well. She nodded her head.
“Listen, have you ever dated a married man?”
She looked at me. Her question was serious in spite of her laughter.
“I once dated this guy who had a girlfriend. That didn’t work out so well.” It pained me to think about him.
“What happened?”
I felt I should answer Allie. She was calming down a bit and she was honest with me.
“Well…I sort of liked him? I mean he was interesting and all. But…he was more of a taker than a giver.”
“What is it with men?!” Allie began to cry again. Perhaps that wasn’t the best choice of words?
“Why do they always have to be such shits?”
“Well…in my case it wasn’t entirely his fault.” I really had to take the edge off of this conversation. “I mean it wasn’t like I really knew what I wanted either.”
“What do you mean?”
Oh God…! Here it comes.
“Well…it was only my second experience with someone, you know?”
Now Allie perked up a little.
“Only your second…? How old were you?”
“I was…nineteen?”
“Oh my God…!” She giggled. I smiled and nodded. “And that was your first?”
“It was with this girl my sophomore year in college.”
“Oh my God…! What happened?”
“What didn’t happen is more like it. It was a total disaster from start to finish. And there wasn’t all that much time between the start and the finish.” I laughed. It was true.
“Well…does that mean you’re gay?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I mean I guess I prefer guys to girls if it ever comes to that. I mean…guys are easy. You open up their pants and there it is…the whole Mickey Mouse…ears and all. Right…?”
Allie nodded vigorously. She had perked up a lot and was smiling. The twinkle was back in her eyes. I took a gulp of wine.
“Now girls…girls are a trip.” Allie inched a little closer to me as I spoke. “First of all everything of any interest is hidden. Then you have to go hunting through the jungle to find something so small that it might be mistaken for a bug bite.” Allie giggled. “And then…you need a wet suit ‘cause it’s all wet, steamy and kind of swampy…kind of.”
“Ewww…” Her face cringed.
“And…after all the work and effort to get to it…the BIG it…you find something that looks exactly like an open wound? Ewww…”
“Ewww…” Allie laughed. “And, during THAT time of the month, it really is like an open wound!”
“Ewww…”
I felt good that Allie had left her hurt behind if only for the moment. It felt good to sit and joke about my own personal insights into the female sex organs.
“And you don’t exactly find a bed of roses smell wise. Like…oh my God what died?”
“It was really that bad?”
“I couldn’t hold my breath long enough.”
“No silly…” She laughed. “…I mean the experience of being with a woman.”
“Yeah... I’m not sure whether I came in her or on the way in.” I thought back to that night for a moment. I cleared my throat. Felt myself choking up. “It was, to say the least, humiliating. That was my first and last time.”
We sat silently for a moment. I could see the empathy in Allie’s expression.
“You poor thing… She was obviously not the right one for the first time.”
“Obviously...” I giggled.
“So you’re not especially fond of women. You’re not attracted to women at all?”
“Oh no…! I simply adore women. It’s just the naked and in bed part that I have a problem with…I guess.” My voice softened. “And guys are just…easier?” Allie went for her third piece of chocolate and cleared her palette with more wine. “Don’t you think so?”
I could really feel the wine starting to take effect. We were both becoming ‘looser’ and more settled into the couch. Our positions mimicked each other as I rested my head on the couch with my cheek against the front edge of the backrest. Allie’s face was no more then perhaps a foot and a half from mine. We both clutched our pillows tightly.
“Yeah…you’re right. I am sooo in control when I give a blow job. That’s probably the only time during sex when I feel that way? I mean…you must admit that when that happens…the earth can explode and you wouldn’t know it…right?”
My face turned an interesting shade of auburn and simply stared at Allie. I was too embarrassed to admit how lacking my sexual experience really was. And, to be perfectly honest, I found it difficult to believe myself! So I took a very deep breath, exhaled, and gazed up toward the ceiling.
“Oh my God don’t tell me!!! You’ve never had one…have you?” Allie asked with eyes opened wide.
I didn’t need to answer Allie’s question. My very forlorn expression told her everything she needed to know.
“I’ve actually kind of given up on having sex? I mean…it’s just not something I’m looking forward to…at the moment?”
“What…!” Allie sat upright and looked at me with a…glare? “Don’t you think I’m desirable? With my clothes on that is.” She laughed.
“Oh my God…! You are absolutely adorable…”
Now I know how women hate being called adorable but only I had the follow up phrase to turn heads and hearts. Maybe not in my direction…but I could do it.
“…as in worthy of adoration?” Allie smiled almost dreamily at me as she settled her head back down on the couch.
We spoke for quite a while longer; until the wine and the chocolate ran out. And it was a wonderful exchange full of tears and laughs and innuendo and tease. I saw the child within her come to the surface and breathed knowing that the now hidden adult would be fine. There was one last important question I needed to ask before we went to our separate bedrooms.
“Did you really fuck him tonight?”
“Not even with your dick!” Allie laughed and she suddenly got this wickedly evil grin on her face. “And you know what I did with his phone? I put it on silent and hid it under one of the sofa cushions!”
More debauchery and abasement to follow…
Andi and Allie - Chapter 4 - Discovery
I did and I didn’t see much of Allie over the next week. She would come home and change into the most ragged clothing she had and then disappear into her studio. I understood entirely and I left her to work out whatever she was feeling in her buckets of ‘mud’. I often did good work when I had negative energy that I needed to vent.
Anyway, we didn’t really spend more than a few minutes together until Thursday evening. I got my laundry together and brought it into the laundry room to attempt using the machines for the first time. Allie was already in there sorting out her things. I dumped my clothing onto a long table and decided to watch her for a while.
“What are you doing?”
A logical question from a novice such as me who was accustomed to throwing everything into one machine and sorting after the dryer did its thing.
“Sorting… Of course…” She said quite astonished.
“Of course…” I blushed a lovely pink rose color.
Allie looked at me as though I had just arrived from another planet. Allie patiently explained what she was doing and why. I began to sort my things as she had shown me. When she noticed that I had all my panties, and other ‘delicates’ such as my hosiery, bunched together, she again interceded.
“Are you crazy...? You shouldn’t even be machine washing those things. Hand wash only; don’t you read labels?” She laughed at my naivety. “Just one minute. If you are determined to do this, let me give you something that will help.”
Allie reached into a cupboard and took out something. She tossed it to me. It was a netted drawer string bag.
“Put your panties in that. It’ll help protect them so that you won’t have to continually buy undies that get destroyed. But…” She took two steps closer to me and pointed her finger in my face. "Don’t you dare throw you stockings into that machine. Come with me young man.” She giggled.
Allie took my hand and walked me over to one of the large deep washroom basins.
“You can put them in with mine. Just take another bag to use or you can wait for mine to be done. Let them soak and gently stir the brew every now and then. This only takes a few minutes. Then you can hang them up on the frame over here.”
I noticed the folding clothes frame with the towels draped over the arms. Now I knew what that was used for.
“Mine are almost finished. They simply need to be rinsed gently and hung.”
“I can do that for you if you’d like. It would speed things up for both of us.”
“You don’t mind?” Allie seemed quite surprised. “It’s kind of a pain in the ass. My panties and bras are also in there.”
She seemed to be warning me that the job was bigger than it might seem. I smiled and began to fill the second basin with water. It really didn’t take me very long to do. I actually enjoyed this kind of semi-mindless work because it did give me time to think. I was amazed at some of the things…the panties…Allie had.
“These things are so…” I sighed. “…so amazing!”
“So you like…huh?” She giggled. “You should feel them on. If you think your cotton ones are soft and comfy.”
I had seen such things in magazines and occasionally when I went into a department store for one reason or another. But the things I purchased were off the rack and came in packages of three at Walmart.
“I love the lace inserts on this set.”
Sets…she had matching bras and panties. I needed boobs if for no other reason than to decorate myself with these colors and textures.
“Well…” Allie said somewhat wistfully. “If I must subject myself to these contraptions…” She pointed to her bras. “…then they may as well look pretty.”
“But aren’t they comfortable?”
I could feel an illusion about to be shattered. Allie looked at me and chuckled.
“Let me show you something!”
She laughed as she began to raise the bottom of her tee shirt. She raised it to the very bottom of the bra she wore and then pulled the bottom of one of the cups away from herself.
“See that?” She pointed to the place where the underwire had made an impression into her skin. “That…” Allie pointed again for emphasis. “…is not comfy. And the straps tend to bother my shoulders by the day’s end.”
Illusion shattered. Allie must have noticed the expression on my face as she put herself back in place…so to speak.
“But then again I am a big girl…especially here.” She hefted her boobs. “Someone with itty bitty boobies wouldn’t have those problems. They could go with a wireless bra.”
I stared back at the assortment of colorful things hanging on the rack.
“Why do you ask? Are you considering a…’home improvement’?” She giggled.
I smiled, blushed crimson, and shrugged my shoulders.
“You should buy one…one that fits you and see how it feels. It’ll probably be a little nothing. There’s a line called 'Barely There' that might work for you.”
I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation with a woman, let alone my roommate! But yet it felt so very comfortable and natural that it was as if we spoke of such things all the time and every day. We continued to do our laundry together and the time seemed to fly past. Before we knew it an hour and a half went past and two neatly folded piles of clothing rested on the tables. There were about a dozen things on hangers awaiting the iron and I told her I would get to it tomorrow.
We settled in the television room with a pot of tea and some cut up fresh fruit. Home life…oh my God… I finally had one.
On Friday evening Allie had a guest over after work. It was her friend and boss Jillian. She was a delightfully perky strawberry blonde with sparkling azure blue eyes and a rapier wit. Allie had called me at work and I offered to make a pasta salad. We already had most of the ingredients and Allie offered to pick up a suitable wine. Jillian was bringing dessert.
I got home before Allie and began the preparations. While the pasta was cooking I decided to try and do something special for the table setting. Allie had an enormous living space that was sectioned off into several smaller ones. The dining area, closest to the kitchen, was large and, to be honest, for three people, was quite cold. I decided to use the small area between our bedrooms in the front of the apartment. There was a window with a lovely nighttime city view and the coziness of a nook.
I set up several hastily made olive oil lamps after reducing Allie’s very long dining table to its bare minimum and half carrying half dragging it down three quarters of the length of the apartment. I used several pieces of cloth for a table covering that remained from several constructions I executed. They were colorful and had folk art designs stenciled all over.
I found several fluted salad dressing holders for the flowers I purchased down on the street and I set one on the table and two others on the windowsill. Between throwing the ingredients into a large serving bowl and shelling some shrimp, I managed to place three settings upon the table along with various condiments.
Allie was, of course, very surprised upon arriving and finding everything already in the works and headed for final assembly.
“Oh my God!!! I can’t believe you went through all this work! This is really just lovely. I would have had us at the counter in the kitchen.” Allie laughed as she carefully checked out each little detail of the dining area. “I should have told you where to find linens and the special china. You would have had a field day with that stuff. Whatever possessed you?” She put her arm around my waist and leaned into me.
“I simply felt like doing something different…something...special?” I shrugged my shoulders and placed my arm around her. “The salad is basically ready. We just need a dressing which, by the way, so do I!”
We both laughed and I went to my room to change my clothes.
I stood in front of my closet wrapped in just a bath towel staring at the assortment of hanging and folding things I had. I didn’t know what I wanted to wear. I would have loved to really done myself up in maybe something that sparkled or maybe a sequined top or something with electric colored beading? But I had nothing like that at all.
It would have been nice to have maybe something in printed silk that flowed…perhaps in mauve? But once again I had nothing. I really needed to go shopping for things that were maybe a bit more sophisticated than my work wardrobe and my ‘downtown’ duds.
I needed to go shopping in the worst way but that didn’t help me now. I picked out a pleated breast cream colored silk blouse. It was kind of a poet’s shirt style and it hung just loose enough on my body. I chose a pair of brown leather pants to go with it. Okay…so it’s not really original? But the combination looked nice enough. My brown lace-up calf boots were perfect for what I had. Maybe Allie was making a point when she asked if I wore skirts and dresses. Hmmm…
I quickly dressed and brushed out my hair and the entire time I was thinking; ‘who was I dressing for’. I will never forget what I thought at that moment. This was something I hadn’t felt in quite some time. I mean this was simply a dinner at home and not even a dinner party; just three friends getting together on a Friday night. Yet I wanted to be…noticed? I wanted to look…hot? I wanted to…to be desired; but by whom?
I knew right off that gold would be the color tonight. I put two sets of gold earrings on, the smaller in the front hole and the larger hoops in the rear. I put on my grandmother’s cut glass with a thin gold chain and two small gold rings on my fingers. I took one last look in my full-length mirror and was admiring the best I could do when the doorbell rang. Jillian had arrived.
“Can you get the door sweetie? I’m not ready yet.” Allie shouted from her bedroom.
I left my image…somewhat reluctantly…and walked to the door. I opened it to find a woman nearly my height. She smiled as soon as she saw me.
“Well now… You must be Andi; the roommate without a definitive pronoun.” She laughed and walked in as if she lived here. “Allie has told me everything about you.” She turned and cast her piercing pale blue-green eyes at me. “Everything!”
She laughed and continued into the kitchen. I closed the door and followed her.
“These need to be refrigerated.”
She turned and handed me a pastry box. I set it upon the counter and got out a serving platter. I opened the box to find an assortment of Italian pastries, most of them having chocolate to some extent. I set them all on the platter and, after covering it, placed it in the fridge. At this point Allie entered looking simply lovely.
She and Jillian embraced and kissed and complimented one another. Allie opened the wine whilst I began to place the various parts of our meal on the serving cart. The final item, the freshly made garlic bread, came out of the oven and, whilst still wrapped in aluminum foil, was placed on the cutting board alongside a bread knife. We then proceeded to the table.
“Oh my! This is quite lovely.” Jillian remarked as she gazed around the nook.
“It was all Andi.” Allie smiled and giggled as she too took in the sight.
“I love the table cloth. Where did you get it?”
“I made it.” Jill looked at me with a very surprised expression. “I made it for a construction I was doing but it didn’t work out to my liking? But I liked the silk screening so I kept it.”
“Very nice.” Jill crooned.
The sun had finally set behind the buildings and the oil candles cast a warm and fragrant spell over the small area. We sat and began to eat. The food was simply perfect and Jill, she asked me to call her Jill, was enthralled by me for some reason. One wouldn’t know it from her comments, which were laced with cynicism and biting humor, but her eyes betrayed the warmth of the person within.
I was surprised that Steven, Allie’s ex-BF, had been trying to speak with her. Evidently his wife, or girlfriend, threw him out and now he was telling Allie that he was free to pursue a more ‘meaningful’ relationship. Allie, or course, after the first few messages and texts, put his numbers on ‘ignore’. He then began to leave messages at her work number. He even sent flowers which she promptly discarded.
Jill, who was not only Allie’s friend, but also her boss as art director of the magazine, lauded her ability to blow him off. Jill had seen too many women give in and resume relationships that continued to go nowhere. She mentioned how she was guilty of just that sin.
“So my dear, what’s new in the world of the mud throwing?” Jill asked with a wry grin.
We had just finished dinner and Allie had returned from putting up the coffee.
“Well…?” Allie beamed. “I have some new ideas and I’m working with some new forms; more into the classical but with a twist. Would you like to see?”
And so it was off to Allie’s studio. I hadn’t seen her studio but up until this past week she really hadn’t been working in it. The very moment Allie opened the door I could smell the very feral odor of the clay in water. I was amazed at how clean her working area was. Normal the air and all surfaces are rift with clay dust.
Allie’s studio was extremely well equipped. She had a slab roller, two wheels and two kilns along with the various tools and tables necessary to produce pottery efficiently. She even had several molds for casting plates. There were several bakers’ racks full of pottery at various stages of finishing.
On one table a bowl caught my eye. It was on a bowl form in pedestal and about eighteen inches in diameter. It stood about nine inches tall. The sides of the bowl itself were no more than maybe three or so inches high. The very moment I saw it I had a vision of what it should look like as a finished piece.
“Can I paint this one?”
I was afraid to handle it because it had not yet been bisque fired.
Jill and Allie were at another table discussing something and they both looked at me.
“Please...?” I really had a very strong vision for this piece.
“Uhhh… Sure...” Allie giggled.
“Wait a minute Allie. That’s a very nice form.” Jill turned to me with a critical look in her eyes. “Where did you say you worked?” I told her…again.
“You work for Peter Grant?” Jill was almost as surprised as I was. She knew his name.
“Yes.” I said meekly…weakly.
“He hired you right out of school?” Jill’s eye brows arched.
“Well…sort of. I still had a month and a half to go.” I felt…weird about being taken so soon; before even graduating?
“What did you do…blow him or something?”
“Jill…!” Allie was shocked. “Really…?”
“Listen…” Jill looked at Allie with an almost bored expression. “That man doesn’t hire anybody without a proven track record.” Jill turned back toward me. “Let me see your portfolio.”
“Uhhh…”
I was a bit embarrassed. I never bothered with one because I already had a job. Jill guessed my dilemma.
“Surely you can’t be serious? You don’t have one?” Jill was astonished.
“I am serious…and don’t call me Shirley!” I giggled.
“I won’t let you touch one of Allie’s pieces, especially that one, without seeing what you can do. So why don’t you gather what you might have around and we’ll have coffee and dessert.”
I looked at Allie who shrugged and had this…this apologetic expression on her face? So I went and gathered what I had. I was never much for hanging onto the things I did. I mean… What’s the point? If I was attempting to express myself, I would already know what the piece meant…to me. So I was accustomed to giving my stuff away. Getting money for it was something new but I felt I could become accustomed to that as well…if I had to. But then again...a wardrobe upgrading did call out to me.
I returned to the table with the delicious aroma of fresh coffee drifting throughout the nook. Under both arms I carried all that remained of my years of effort.
“This that all?” Jill looked quite surprised. “Normally when I ask an…’artist’…to show me his work, I get everything since birth!”
“This is everything since…well…middle school?” I giggled and blushed.
“Well…” Jill spoke with an almost bored tone to her voice. “Let’s se what we have. Let’s clear the table and you can set everything on that.”
With the table cleared onto the carte, I set my work upon it and took my seat. Jill, with a wry smile on her lips, reached for the first few pieces. Most of the work was in ink, crayon, or marker. She began to leaf through the first few between sips of her coffee and a bite or two of a Napoleon. Her wry smile faded quickly and she even froze her movements with her coffee cup in mid air while gazing intensely at one of my works. She suddenly looked up at me with a stunned expression on her face.
“Now I understand. Peter blew you!”
“Jill…! Please…!” Allie pleaded.
Jill looked at Allie and laughed.
“I’d blow him to get this kind of talent on my staff!” Jill tapped the piece and laughed again. “When did you do this one?”
She held up a still life I had done in crayon. Oh my God…! I really couldn’t remember.
“Ummm… I was maybe sixteen?”
Jill was silent of a moment as she stared intensely at me.
“Sign it!”
“What?”
“Sign it. You didn’t sign it. Always sign everything you do…even scribbling. You need to sign everything.”
I went and got a crayon and did my signature thing using 'Andi'. Jill then took the piece and handed it to Allie.
“Here sweet heart... Take this and frame it. This may be worth something in a few years or so.”
Jill laughed as Allie looked at me for approval. I smiled, shrugged my shoulders, and nodded my head. I was delighted someone liked it enough to stick it on a wall. Jill continued to look through my things and even separated a few of them into a separate pile. She then looked up at Allie.
“Honey…let him work on anything he wants to. If he wants to draw on your toilet paper…let him. Get him to sign it, and then you squirrel it away.” She then turned to me. “And you…” She pointed her finger directly in my face. “…next time someone wants one of your works? You have them speak to me first! I am now officially your agent. I’ll have an agreement drawn up and you can have someone look at it…and you SIGN IT!” She laughed. “And maybe we’ll all retire young…or at least one of us might.”
Though I was stunned at what had occurred, I did manage to enjoy the remainder of the evening. Jill and Allie’s conversing dominated and they mostly spoke about Allie and how she might improve her craft enough to be featured in the magazine. I did notice that she was somewhat subdued and hardly made eye contact with me. I knew something was bothering her and I had a pretty fair idea what it was.
I began to clear the table even before Jill had left. I was in the kitchen washing and putting various things into the dishwasher. Allie hadn’t spoken a word to me since Jill departed. When I had finally finished, I removed the apron I was wearing and turned to lean back against the counter. When Jill past by I reached out and gently took her arm to turn her toward me. When she looked up at me, I spoke.
“Listen Allie…this is not what I’m all about.”
“What...?” She looked at me with a questioning expression.
“Fame…fortune…recognition…popularity…getting blown...!”
I sang the words out with as much drama as I could muster. She laughed.
“So…art genius… What are you about?” Allie turned to place the dishes in the basin.
Both my hands shot out for Allie’s neck and I began to tickle her relentlessly. She squealed and her hands covered mine trying to pry my fingers away from her neck. I gently held her neck and shook her.
“I am a psycho hose bitch!!! I am the Tickle Monster!!! And I will not stop until you listen to me.”
“WHAT… WHAT… WHAT...???”
Allie was laughing so hard that tears began to come from her eyes. I relented and grasped her shoulders.
“If we are roommates then we must share things, right?” Allie nodded. “And if we are friends, and I’d like to think we are, then we must share ourselves.” She looked at me intently for a moment and then nodded. “I didn’t know what’s his name…Steven? I didn’t know he was still calling you. That’s something you could have shared, right?”
“I didn’t want to inflict my…" Allie paused and choked up a bit. "...drama on you.”
“Well, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll share my fame, fortune, recognition, popularity and…well…maybe not the blow jobs…” I quickly added. “...but there haven’t been any offers lately anyway…if you share what’s on your mind with me.”
Allie looked at me for a moment and smiled. She touched my cheek with her hand, tenderly.
“I guess I was a little jealous of you. Jill never spoke to anyone like she did to you and she never offered to help anyone unless it directly involved something she was doing. She is my dearest friend and she never offered to help me like she offered to help you.”
I was thrilled Allie opened up to me. I thought what Jill said to me bothered her.
“Well then… I’ll help you and then Jill will have no choice but to help us both.” I took a half step closer to Allie. “We can’t let anything or anyone get between us…our friendship, okay?”
Allie smiled and nodded as a tear rolled down her cheek.
Is Andy the next Hockney? Stay tuned for the next episode of Andi and Allie!
She loved me the moment she set eyes upon me. She was an older woman in her mid-forties and she took great care in how she looked. Her hair was styled perfectly in a page boy and her makeup was flawless. She wore a tailored navy blue skirt-suit and a powder blue blouse with a collar bow. Her name was Rhona and she greeted me with a hand grasp and a kiss on my cheek.
“Peter asked me to show you right in. He’s very excited that you’re going to be a part of our team and he wants to introduce you to everybody personally.”
Rhona took me directly to Peter’s office. He got out from behind his desk and shook my hand. I half expected a kiss on the cheek from him. Peter is, to put it mildly, a beautiful man. He’s over six feet tall and very fit looking. He dressed as though his closet was the men’s section of Saks complete with blue blazer…Italian cut of course…tailored grey slacks and tasseled cordovan penny loafers. Peter shunned the use of ties.
Peter had a perfect tan to accent his perfectly golden blond hair that was as perfectly well coiffed as Rhona’s. His very deep blue eyes seemed to pierce right through one and I found it hard to maintain eye contact without blushing candy apple red. His manner of speaking was quite affected and I’m sure he fit into any social situation with the ease of someone born into wealth and working simply to have something to do.
Peter put his arm around my shoulder as he ushered me through the offices introducing me to everyone. There were seven artists and each one checked me out…seriously! The assistants scurried about taking only as long as it took to say hello.
There were three project coordinators who had private glass enclosed offices. Two of them were no doubt lesbians because they seemed to dress far more macho than I did and they eyed me as one might a fine dessert until they realized that I was not…available?
Everyone was almost overly nice and receptive but I was sensitive to the vibes of fear. I was the youngest there by more than a few years and certainly the fact that I was hired right out of school must have sent a message to every one of the artists.
I’d spent the first few weeks going over the various accounts that Peter’s department produced work for. Although the work was first rate for sure, I would have done some things different. So I sat in the conference room and sketched ideas and slipped them into the folders. One never knows when a review of client materials might be in order.
After meeting everyone Peter and I returned to his office and closed the glass door behind us. He motioned me to have a seat and he sat behind his large glass desk. There were two piles of folders on his desk. He leaned forward toward me with his elbows upon the table top and his chin resting in his palm.
“We have a problem Andi.” I leaned forward and gave him my best attentive look. “We’re trying to land a new account that could greatly increase the size of our company. The problem is that we haven’t yet been able to come up with a logo or symbol they can use to present all of their produce lines. Here is the art that has been rejected thus far.”
He laid his hand on one pile.
“And here are all of the correspondences. Have a look through it all and see if perhaps you can’t come up with something new and fresh or perhaps some images we could build on.”
He then shuffled me off to their conference room with Rhona carrying the two piles of folders. I was given a cup of coffee and a pad and some pencils and left to my own devices. I really wasn’t interested in what had been done thus far from an artistic point of view. I was really more interested in the correspondences. Whatever the client wanted would be within those papers.
It took me no more than three hours to figure out what the client wanted and why the ideas presented weren’t right. Of course I immediately went to look for Peter who was looking over one of the other artist’s work. I stood silently barely able to control my excitement. When he finally recognized me, I nearly wet myself.
“I know what they want.” I giggled.
“What…?!” Peter was flabbergasted. “You only just now saw the files.”
“I know what they want.” Okay…so maybe I was a little sing-songy this time as my eyes rolled upward with a smile and a giggle.
Peter stood up straight and looked at me carefully. I continued to smile and nodded my head.
“What do you need?” His expression was quite serious.
I told him exactly what I needed and I told him that I could have everything he needed in less than one week. I also told him I would need a quiet area to work. I wound up with a drawing board in front of a window at the front of the cavernous artists’ space. I had one neighbor who pretty much kept to himself except for sneaking an occasional look at me.
Within one week I had four ink and marker sketches readied. Peter assembled the staff in the conference room where my sketches were lined up on a large easel. Once everyone was in the room, Peter looked at me with a mixed expression; curiosity and amusement.
“So Andi…what have you discovered that all of us missed?”
“Well…” Though I was standing I crossed my legs and fidgeted with my hands behind my back. I rolled my eyes upward. “…these people make ranch dressing, white bread, and cupcakes.”
“So what’s your point?” One of the senior artists asked.
“Let Andi speak Justin.” Peter turned to me and smiled. “Go ahead Andi.”
“Well…? I guess the point is that they are not appealing to the gourmet crowd. While all the things done were really very nice, none of them would catch the eye of this company’s market. What I’ve done is to create an image of their average buyer; a woman…more precisely…a woman who does the buying for the family.”
I turned toward my drawings and continued describing who she was…physically.
“She’s in her thirties and maybe a little hunky-chunky. She does look a lot like the board chairman’s wife.” I giggled. “But she dresses simply and is very femme.”
“What about the other drawings?” Peter looked very intensely at them.
“Well…we have a Hispanic woman, an African American woman and an Asian woman. And with cable or the net, the images can be market targeted or even simply shown randomly in five second types of spots.”
I grinned, blushed a vivid pepper red, fidgeted a bit more, and looked at the faces of the people in the room. Peter spun in his chair.
“Any comments…?”
“This is not what we’re known for. I mean…this is…cartoon work.”
Ouch…!
“We are really know for a more creative and visual approach. This stuff certainly doesn’t…pop out at you.”
Ouch…!
“The idea is not exactly original.”
Double ouch…!
And so it went. There were several more ouches before Peter spoke again.
“What do you have to say to all that Andi?”
‘Gulp…!’ Nopers... I'm way big to disappear into the floor.
Peter looked at me with those cold analytical eyes of his.
“Well…it’s not about creativity or…’pop’ or even original.” I pointed at the renderings. "These women love the product. You can see it in their faces."
“What’s it about Andi?”
“It’s about money Peter. Show it to them. Please..." Okay... So I'm not above begging...a little. "I promise you they'll like it."
Peter laughed.
“I like you Andi. We think alike.” Peter clapped his hands together. “Okay..." Peter said as he gazed back at the drawings, a convincing smile on his face. "I'll show them."
For three nerve-wracking days I sat at my drawing board and drew…curves and pears and more curves with boobs. I did manage to produce two cityscapes in ink though. Finally Peter called me into his office. When I entered Peter’s office he glared at me. He was tight lipped as he motioned me to sit down.
“Guntner hated the sketches.”
I felt my stomach fall to my feet. Suddenly Peter smiled and laughed.
“You used his wife’s face. They’re getting divorced. Find another face and the account is ours.”
He leaped up to his feet and came around his desk toward me. I stood and he swiftly embraced me.
“In fact he was so thrilled that he’s giving us his packaging design as well. I want you to work on this one. Use everybody if you need to.” He held me by my shoulders and smiled warmly at me. Even his normally cold eyes were…tepid? “Oh…by the way…I love your new hair style.”
Find another face huh? Well…I could always use the face that originally came with the body. Of course I would need to alter it a bit. I certainly didn’t want too close a resemblance. So a slightly modified Allie became the new face of Americana Food Corporation. And he ‘loved’ my new hair style! That actually gave me a tingle!
Later… Back at the ranch…
“You did what?! I do NOT want to be on a box of grits!!!”
Allie was furious. Her hands were on her supple hips and the heeled pump on her right foot tapped noisily against the wooden floor of our kitchen. Her face was a lovely shade of pomegranate pink. I hate to say it because, because…well…it’s so trite, but…Allie looks so cute when she’s angry. Her face and neck turn crimson and her eyes flash with emotion.
I anticipated that she wouldn’t want to have her face used and maybe I should have shown her first before telling her. When I did show her what I had done she was placated enough to only be slightly pissed at me. I finally brought a smile to her face with a peace offering of a dinner at any restaurant she wanted to dine at.
We began to discuss our days at work with a bit more regularity. Allie was far more capable than anyone in helping me navigate the passageways of corporate life. For sure I was the number one on the flavor of the week selection, but NOT with the other artists. She was able to put some perspective on that and she gave me suggestions for dealing with that nonsense.
Inversely I was able to assist Allie with some of her ideas as a stylist. I even sketched out some of her ideas so that we both might have a look and see if we couldn’t improve upon whatever presentation she was making.
And, of course, there was her studio. I was beginning to become a permanent fixture, working alongside her as she ‘threw mud’ on her wheel. It was…nice. The energy was very good for creating new and different shapes for her and with some of those shapes came visions of what I might paint upon them.
The one piece that had caught my eye became the ‘Sun Bowl’. I painted it in black on white. The shapes were strictly folk artsy and although not totally crude. They were more rudimentary in nature yet still stylish.
The center of the bowl was and sun with a smiling face and a corona of pointed beams emanating from it. I painted stars and a planet or two as well as the moon; half on one side and the other half on the opposing side. I used some block Asian characters for a bit of mystery and I signed it in paint next to her carved initials on the pedestal’s bottom.
Over the course of time Allie began to go out on dates but she was having little success. She would come dragging in around eleven or midnight with her heels in one hand and her bag in the other and the look of rejection, or rejecting, on her face.
In all honesty I was somewhat glad? I didn’t want to lose the company of my ‘new’ friend and I did cherish our time together. I…we never seemed to grow bored with one another. Of course we were still in the infatuation phase?
I’m not sure of what was going wrong during her dates? And when Allie would discuss them it seemed that the guys were boring or boorish, or just not…right? Occasionally it was a physical thing that turned her off but most often the chemistry was simply not there.
I was fairing no better. But then again I wasn’t even trying. Oh sure… I was getting hit on at work in spite of my somewhat outcast status. But I simply wasn’t interested in any of the guys there and, to be quite honest, I didn’t know that I was even truly interested in guys exclusively. Occasionally there would be some guy I’d see on the street that was really cute. But for me, being cute was a very long hop, skip, and jump from naked and in bed or even naked at all!
One evening Allie came in with her heels yet again in her hand. After getting herself comfortable, she joined me on the loveseat in front of the television. She deposited a bottle of lotion, a clean face towel, a container of ice cream and a spoon on the coffee table. I looked at her curiously.
“My feet are killing me. I wore these new shoes and my feet are so sore that I can’t even wear my sneaks.” As she rubbed her feet I could see the pained expression on her face.
“Blisters…?”
“No…just sore, achy and generally abused.”
Allie opened the ice cream, Double Dutch chocolate with almonds, and dug in with the spoon. She put her feet up and slowly licked the deep dark brown confection from the spoon. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, and then to the bottle of lotion on the table. I do not know what inspiration, or spirit, moved me but…
“Give me your feet.”
“What…?” Allie stopped in mid lick to answer.
“I’ll massage them for you.” Her expression was frozen. “If you’d like?”
“Oh… You really don’t have to. You look so comfortable as is.”
Allie sounded so truly sincere as she continued her long slow lick at the ice cream in her spoon.
“Come on…”
I insisted with a curling of my fingers and my disarming ‘boyish’ smile. I could see that Allie was mulling my offer over. I’m not sure what her hesitancy was? But she did swing her feet over and let them rest upon my lap. I motioned for the towel and the lotion and within seconds had one of her feet in my hands, slick with lotion and ready for some rub.
Now I must tell you that the feeling of slickened flesh glide and slide between ones fingers is so delightfully sensual on many levels. And I did enjoy every little moment of the exquisite tactile delight. I imagined that this would be similar to the feeling Allie got when she worked with her clay.
I had this feeling that Allie was observing me closely every once in a while to be assured that I wasn’t perhaps too excited with her feet in my lap. I remember someone having told me once; ‘Why fuck up a great friendship by catching feelings’.
It didn’t take Allie long to relax enough to lean back into the corner of the couch where the back rest meets the arm. I glanced at her several times and smiled as I watch her simply melt. I could almost see all the tension leave her body and my hands never went higher up her legs than her calves. She even began to emit an occasional ‘mmmm’ and ‘ahhh’.
Suddenly, in the midst of rubbing her heel, I felt Allie moving about on the couch. I looked toward her to see a spoonful of ice cream being held in my direction. There was a voiceless bit of communication between us. I shook my head ‘no’ and she arched her eyebrows in response. I thought for a moment and nodded with a smile.
Allie looked far too comfortable to make her move and I didn’t want to get the lotion from my hands onto the spoon’s handle. So I leaned toward her till my mouth was able to accept the ice cream. I couldn’t eat it all in one mouthful so I took half. She patiently waited for me to finish what I’d taken so I could eat the remainder.
We shared the container till the ice cream was finished. Allie would eat some and then offer me some. In truth I couldn’t eat more than every other spoonful but she saw that I had my fill before her own. Eventually she fell asleep in the dimly lighted room after settling further down into the couch, her feet covered by my hands. I was able to slip out from beneath her feet without waking her and I covered her with a comforter before going to my own bed.
I’ve thought about that evening from time to time ever since. Allie’s willingness to share her spoon may have on the surface seemed…trivial? But, in reality, it was a mere quarter step away from sharing one’s toothbrush!
What occurred to me later was how much trust she had to have in order to swap spit in such an indirect manner. How truly comfortable she must have felt, even at that relatively early juncture, with me. In retrospect, that one simple act was in fact a sacred act, a communion…no a sacrament to the spirit and soul.
And the very fact that I could have someone feel so very comfortable with me, around me, was a blessing. I was never all that comfortable within my own skin. Perhaps that’s what drives what I do; my art. Having Allie fall asleep with her feet in my lap, my hands on her person, was truly a monumental experience.
So… I knew nothing about packaging and here I was, foisted upon the very spearhead of Peter’s phalanx. I looked at some of the work that was being done by the other artists and their ideas were brilliant. I felt privileged to be amongst them. But I had to go with my intuition. The woman I conceived was an ordinary human being and she was buying the ordinary staples of the average family’s meals.
Once again I turned to what I knew. I chose to do some designs utilizing Allie’s kitchen cabinets. The doors were glass paned and this would provide a strong glimpse of what the box contained. Within one week I worked out the basic sketches for boxes with cabinet designs for each of the women. The frameworks for the doors covered everything from bare wood to a white lacquer look, for a more urban household, to a walnut finish for more suburban dwellings.
Once again the client was thrilled and once again I was a superstar! The account executive wanted to meet me! I was…to put it mildly…TERRIFIED! I think even Peter was a little concerned. After all, the main office was uptown and very Madison Avenue and the people seemed to be all the same. I mean they even wore ties with their shirts! Peter simply didn’t enjoy being around the ‘suits’.
The apartment got a thorough cleaning every Friday. The service would come in the morning and do the whole thing including dusting and vacuuming. But every once in a while the spirit would move me and I’d do something like wash and polish the kitchen floor. It’s not like I need to be a homemaker to feel fulfilled or anything. I’m simply a clean freak though not to the point of obsession. And, as I may have mentioned, I find doing this sort of house work, laundry, cleaning, even dusting, allows me to clear my mind to think and get ideas.
Now…every once in a very rare while Allie would take advantage of my good auspices but being of a sweet, caring and eminently fair nature would always return kindness three fold times. One of those times changed me forever.
I had just finished doing our laundry and I was sitting at the counter in the kitchen putting some lotion on my hands. Allie walked into the kitchen from her studio with a very sour expression on her face. I asked what was wrong.
“Oh…I messed up my nail!”
She pouted for emphasis. Meanwhile I have visions of blood and nail bed and pain, pain, panic, and pain. But I see none of this…thank God! I am such a devoted coward when it comes to the blood and pain thing. I went to her immediately and took her hand in mine. I saw nothing that even closely resembled an injury. I looked at her with a very questioning expression. She held up her hand and showed me her index finger nail. The polish had been slightly chipped whilst she worked in her studio.
“I need to fix this. It looks awful.”
Allie left the kitchen only to return a few minutes later. In her hand she had a bottle of nail polish remover, a buffer, a clear nail polish with a slightly pink tint and a clear nail polish. Now I must admit the nail coloring thingy has always been somewhat of a mystical magical practice in my mind. It always seemed to be an almost exclusively femme kind of thing although green nail polish never held an attraction for me.
I knew that Allie seemed to have hers done professionally about every two weeks and I often noticed that her nails always looked…well…perfect. Now I was about to have a close up and personal look at how it was done. And I was not simply excited. I was fascinated! From the cleaning to the buffing to the very first coat to the top coat I simply couldn’t take my eyes off of what she was doing. Allie noticed. With her head down she rolled her eyes up at me and grinned.
“What…!” She snapped, breaking my gazing and capturing my attention.
“I think that is so cool!”
I laughed, my eyes lit with excitement. It was like watching an artist paint a portrait in a way. And she was so very adept with her small brushes taking the greatest of care not to leave an artist’s brush stroke signature.
“You mean…” And she motioned with her head toward her nails. I nodded. “Do you seriously mean to tell me that you’ve never played with nail polish?”
“Only a few times. But I always messed it up.” My gaze again went to her finger nails. “Yours look so perfect.”
“It’s really kind of a craft, a skill? It takes know how and practice. Here…give me your hand.”
Allie held out her hand after rebottling the polish brush. I put my left hand in hers and she carefully inspected my nails.
“Okay…here’s the deal.” She looked up at me and smiled. “Let’s do one nail on each hand and see how you like it. Let’s do you pinkies so it won’t be that noticeable.”
I couldn’t believe Allie would do that for me although in the recesses of my mind I prayed she might? It really would have been a treat to have them all done. But that would have been asking way too much. Especially after I saw what she had to do for only two nails.
Allie spent nearly fifteen minutes doing our nails. True, most of the time was waiting time between the coats of polish. But still it wasn’t like there was much one could do in between except talk.
So we spoke…well…actually Allie spoke. She was a bit concerned because her ‘ex-friend’ was becoming a bit of a pest. Of course there wasn’t much I could tell her that was of use. I usually had, on extremely rare occasions, quite the opposite problem. If I had more than one date with somebody, it could be classified as an LTR.
I couldn’t believe how…how totally incredible my nails looked when the polish finally dried. I simply couldn’t take my eyes off of them. The light shone off my little finger nail like it was a jewel. I had this vision of how all of them could look given the same treatment. Allie, of course, seemed to read my mind.
“Wait…” She held up her hand. “Don’t tell me!” She covered her eyes with her other hand. “You want to have them done, right?”
Allie’s face was alight with a huge smile. I grinned and giggled…and nodded my head.
“You are so femme!” Allie squealed and laughed. “I guess we can have them done at the same time we get our hair done.”
And so it was! Saturday couldn’t come quickly enough for me. I felt only partially dressed with the two nails done. I felt like such a fool sitting at my workstation and staring at my two little fingers. I could only imagine them with a very pale pink or rose color sparkling in the light.
And the way they looked so very shiny and polished. I loved the feeling of the polish drying on them; that odd, but pleasurable feeling as the polish dried. And I loved the way the polish felt upon my nails. There wasn’t anything I didn’t like…love actually…about what I’d gone and done.
Of course it was noticed at work. Rhona fawned all over me when she saw my hands on Monday. But then again she kind of adopted me as her…child? I mean I can’t really say son because she certainly didn’t treat me in that particular manner nor could I say a daughter because…well…just because! Although she was close to some of the others, she simply seemed a lot more partial toward me.
And it didn’t take the rest of the staff to notice or at least hear about my newly polished nails. Even Peter complimented me on my appearance. In fact, hardly a day went past without somebody complimenting me on something. It was usually something I wore or a certain ‘look’ I had or some new and weird fun accessory…something.
Generally speaking I couldn’t remember when I felt so good about myself…so positive…so real and alive. Most of that feeling I could trace back to Allie. Not that it was something particular she did as much as the combination of our spirits I guess. For sure my being a more ‘manicured’ person and that was her doing. I loved her for that.
Will Andi become his own executive assistant? Stay tuned!
Andi and Allie – Chapter 6 – The Bootie Call
Allie had a booty call! She deliberately got dressed to allure. She looked…OMG…she looked so divine…heavenly…rapturous…enticing...sexy…hot. She looked amazing! I watched her as she was doing her makeup of course. And I watched her move this way and that whilst doing her final check before her full length mirror.
“I need to go out.” She said as she spun around with a 'finally satisfied' look on her face.
“Oh…?” I smiled. Okay… We all need to on occasion.
“It’s been three months since ‘what’s his name’ and I need to make sure everything still works.”
She giggled wickedly. I wasn’t even sure wicked giggling existed until I heard Allie that evening.
“What still works?” Yes people… I was that clueless.
“You know…” She looked at me coyly and held her arms up and out. “The charm…the body…the cootchie...” Allie laughed.
“Cootchie…?” Cootchie…? Wtf is that?!
She turned to me with a look that a mother gives a child who asks a question with an obvious answer.
“Look sweet heart…” Allie sat down at the counter. “Coming off a breakup, especially one like I just did, the reassurance that we’re still…desirable…is…well…reassuring? And anyway, it’s not like I’m going to marry the guy.” And she talks about the casualness of guys! “Want to come with me? I’m going to this really nice place near Gramercy Park.”
I could tell from her expression that Allie was serious and indeed I was welcomed. But I wasn’t into having my own ‘booty called’ and I seriously didn’t want to see Allie embark on hers.
“No thanks… But really…thanks for asking.”
I tried to be as sincere as possible but…I don’t know…I felt…kind of weird. I really didn’t want her to leave; especially knowing the reason she was going. I felt terrible for Allie knowing she needed THAT kind of acceptance. It was acceptance in my mind and not reassurance.
I knew she was beautiful both inside and out and I wished I could tell her in a fashion that would negate the need to have some completely random stranger reaffirm it. But, unfortunately, at the time I really didn’t know how.
I should have told her not to go. I should have told her I would be thrilled and honored to go out with her. I would dress as beautifully as I could and we could go out dining or dancing, or both. This was one of the very rare times I wish I was a bit more…butch?
After Allie left, I went into my bedroom and sat on the bed clutching my pillow. I felt somewhat at a loss of what to do. It was a Friday night and I def had the blues. So I did what always seemed to come naturally. I pick up my sketch pad, the one with the curves, and began to leaf through the pages. Some had sketchs and some had actual semi-completed works…of a sort. But all had that one commonality; curves.
I’ve heard it said that a blank wall is the Devil’s playground. Well… I felt like tempting the fiend within me so I set up my easel and affixed my blank wall upon it. I decided to go with charcoals and embarked upon what was to be the first of many portraits. I would create my vision of Allie as I saw her tonight in all her glory and splendor.
Sometime over the few months I had been living here I realized that all of my sketches were really of her and about her. I felt that the time was right for me to finally acknowledge this and I was stating that acknowledgement in a portrayal of her.
I put everything I felt and everything I had into that work. I spent an inordinate amount of time on her eyes attempting to get not simply the color right, but the fire…the emotion that was usually present in them. And her body…OH…MY…GOD…! I envisioned her before me…naked.
In my mind I let my fingertips, slowly and lightly, travel down her body’s curves and almost magically those very curves appeared on my ‘blank wall’. I draped part of her in ethereal cloth so that every curve was accentuated; just as she appeared in my mind.
All my works are labors of love but this one was different. Allie’s eyes had to be perfect; that amazing sparkle just so. Allie’s hair had to be perfect; the fall of her curls just so. Allie’s curviness had to be perfect. Everything had to build toward this one perfect image.
After working for an unknown amount of hours at a maniacal pace, I had finished; not one but three images of her. I went to the kitchen to get a glass of wine and suddenly realized that I was thoroughly exhausted; physically and mentally. I thought about what I’d done and suddenly I began to tremble with fear.
I went back to my bedroom and sat staring at the finished works. I had an urge to rip them into pieces for their lack of perfection in my very tired and exhausted eyes. But I didn’t. I simply covered them up and chose to view it again at another time. I stacked them against the wall amongst six or seven other newly finished works. That was when I heard Allie entering the apartment.
Decision time… Should I remain cloistered in the sanctity, the safety, of my bedroom and ‘this too shall pass’ mist? Or should I confront that whore! Should I ask that Devil’s bitch if she felt debased enough to continue on with her life?
Or is it simply the wine speaking through a caricature of what only a moment ago was an artist? And why did I feel so angry? ‘Once more unto the breech, dear friends, once more…’ I walked out to greet her.
“Hi…” She’s so cheery…damn. “You’re still up?”
“What time is it?” I really didn’t know and was curious.
“It’s after two.”
She reached for my wine and I let her have it. She took a sip and giggled.
“I guess I got carried away. I was working.”
She handed the glass back to me and I took a sip. At least ‘he’ wasn’t sharing that with me.
“Want to show me?” Allie smiled.
Her smile was always so amazing. She could bring light into complete darkness.
“It’s really not worth showing. I’m thinking of trashing it.”
I looked down into my glass noticing the light glint off my buffed nails. I smiled even though I felt tears rising within me.
“Are you angry with me?”
I looked into her face; her eyes. Allie’s lipstick was nearly gone. It was the very long lasting kind and what remained was slightly smudged. Her eye makeup was also a bit smeared. Allie resembled a well-served hooker at the end of a busy evening more than the angel of my mind. I looked from her face back down to my glass and nodded my head. A tear fell from my eye.
“Would you like to talk about it?”
Allie reached out with her hand and, with her thumb, swept the single tear away. I was frozen; or at least my tongue was. I shrugged my shoulders. Allie reached under my chin with her index finger and slowly raised my head up till our eyes met.
“Look sweet heart. I know it’s late and we’re both tired but…” Allie gently stroked my cheek. “…I really think we should have a little talk. Now I need to at least wash my face and you…you really need to get some of that chalk off of you.” She grasped my hand in her own and gently squeezed. “Now why don’t we both get comfortable and we’ll go into the cave and talk a little. Okay?”
I nodded.
It didn’t take long for either of us to clean up. I had washed my hands and face and did my usual bedtime rituals. I walked into the television room in my usual panty and sleeping tee. I took my usual place on the loveseat section and clutched my usual pillow to my chest. I traded my wine glass for a plain glass of fruit juice. Allie followed me in no more than a few minutes and took her place, and cushion, on the love seat.
I was sitting as close to my end of the couch as possible with my legs curled beneath me and my cushion covering my body up to my mouth. Allie noticed my ‘closed down’ body language. She moved a bit closer and stretched her feet out just enough to touch my legs. She looked at me with a gentle smile, her face now cleaned of the makeup.
“We can’t let anybody or anything come between us. I remember somebody saying that whilst rambling on about fame, fortune, popularity, and blow jobs.” Okay, so she got me to giggle. “Although I think I can seriously live without the blow jobs.”
I took a very deep breath and slowly let it out.
“I didn’t want you to go tonight.” I looked up at Allie quickly and then back down at my hands.
“Why not honey?”
Her voice was gentle. I shrugged my shoulders.
“I’m not sure? I guess I just couldn’t image you going out simply to…”
I couldn’t complete the sentence and my voice trailed off. Allie completed it for me.
“Get laid?” She giggled.
I looked at her, nodded, and lowered my gaze to my hands…again. Then I think the heart of the situation struck her even before it occurred to me.
“Oh my God…! You’ve never done that, have you?”
“No… Not really? At least I don’t think so. I mean I have gone out trying to meet…someone? But I think it was more for…company…a friend…you know?”
Allie stared at me for several moments. I wasn’t really sure about what I felt and I was hoping she would find a way of opening me up.
“Did you think I might meet someone and that would be it? ‘Bye Bye Andi’…?” Allie held up her hand and wiggled her fingers for emphasis.
“Maybe… Maybe that was part of it? I mean… I just can’t imagine you going out and NOT meeting someone, you know? You’re so beautiful and accomplished and you looked so amazing tonight when you left.”
Allie laughed.
“You are so sweet. I wish that were true. It’s kind of competitive out there in the dating world and everybody is looking for his or her mister and ms. perfects, you know? If I had found my mister perfect, would you have been jealous?”
“No…not jealous…envious.” I laughed.
I reached down with my hands and grasped Allie’s bare feet. They were cold.
“I mean…in truth…if you happened to find somebody that made you happier than you’ve ever been before…I would be thrilled for you.” That thought did excite me. “As long as you didn’t throw me out that is.”
We both laughed at that. Allie wiggled her toes and I enjoyed the sensation. Then she hit me with the killer question of all time.
“Do you have a crush on me?”
Allie smiled coyly and batted her eyelashes almost innocently. Her question stunned me although I should have expected it.
“Yes… No… Maybe…? I don’t know.”
I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about Allie other than an extremely close connection? Or maybe I just couldn’t admit it.
“Well…how did you feel about the others?”
“What others?”
“You know…the three you had sex with?”
“Okay… Well…first of all…according to Congress I didn’t have sex with any of them because I didn’t sleep with them.” I giggled.
That pronouncement always was such a major giggle because it left so much latitude for non-sexual consensual sex. Allie didn’t appreciate my humor on that one and she let me know it by gently…well…maybe not so gently kicking my leg with her heel.
“Okay... In truth…? I started to feel something…something special…something different? But it all ended so quickly that…well…whatever I began to feel kind of…vanished?”
“I’m sorry. That is so sad. When you get intimate with somebody? You invest such a large emotional part of yourself and the longer you’re intimate, the more you invest. I had such an itch to feel a warm body on mine that I couldn’t think of anything else. But I didn’t want to invest any more than I had to so…I did a ‘one nighter’ thing. And it wasn’t even a whole one nighter.”
“Well… What about that guy? What about how he may have felt?”
“Okay mister… Who said it was a guy!” Allie glared at me.
“OH MY GOD…! It was a girl?”
My eyebrows shot upward and my mouth fell open. Allie began to laugh.
“Gotcha…!” She laughed. “It was a guy and he def didn’t want to invest anything he didn’t need to.”
“Oh my God…! Is everybody out there like that? I mean…how do people ever get married?”
“I don’t know how people wind up finding someone to get married to. And there are a lot of people out there just like that. They’re called players. But… My dear friend… I have only done this three times in…twelve years? I mean I have had relationships. But not all that many and they were not all that successful.” I detected a strong note of sadness in Allie’s voice.
“I’m sorry Allie.” I felt tears welling up.
“For what baby?”
“I was upset with you and I didn’t really understand why.”
Allie looked at me somewhat in shock. She stared for a moment or two. Then she leaned toward me and took my hands in hers. She kissed my fingers. I loved the sensation of her lips touching me…even if only my fingers. I smiled.
“You’re the first guy to ever apologize to me for anything…ANYTHING. That bastard Steven didn’t even apologize for deceiving me for three years.”
Allie held my hands firmly and smiled so very gently at me. I could see all the emotion that was welling up within her by the tears that began to form in her eyes. I don’t know where the thought came from or why it even formed into words. But form into words it did. No sooner had I even thought about it than those words just tumbled out of my mouth…very much to my surprise.
“I think I would like to have boobs.”
Will Andi get his boobs…or will he simply remain one?
Stay tuned for further...‘developments'?
Andi and Allie - Chapter 7 - The Clothes Make The… Hmmm…?
Work became nearly overwhelming over the next couple of weeks. I felt like every time someone saw me, they were looking at their next paycheck. Almost everything was done with computer assisted drawing, the one subject I was totally out of town on. But nobody seemed to care. I was the proverbial font of wisdom when it concerned our new client and even Peter now deferred to me.
So when Allie asked me to join her and Jill for dinner after work one evening, I was absolutely thrilled. I had caught a reprieve from my work to home to work again cycle. Allie and Jill worked on west 57th Street. Our main office was located nearby so I was not totally in an unknown territory. They wanted me to meet them at a small French restaurant on 56th Street.
When I arrived they were already seated and I walked directly to them before the maître de came to assist me. The place was lovely and very atmospheric and complete with real linens on the table.
Both ladies got up as I approached their table and we exchanged hugs and kisses. Before I could even sit down, Jill spoke.
“So what have you produced thus far? Christmas is just around the corner and we must have a show.”
“What…?” WHAT…??? “It’s only September.” It’s not even October!
“Listen sweet heart…”
I loved that wry smile of Jill’s. It kind of reminded me of the expression a T-Rex might have just before something became its dinner.
“If I say Christmas is almost here, then you’d best get out your sweaters and scarves. We need to have a show.”
“A show...?”
I looked toward Allie for some moral support but it was all she could do to keep from giggling.
“What have you done since we last spoken?”
A glass of white wine, which must have been pre-ordered, arrived and I took a nice long sip of it. I took a moment to think of what I might have.
“I’ve done a few ink and chalk things that are in the office. I have a few more at home…and a few crayon pieces.” I looked at Allie for a moment and, in a barely audible voice said, “You look amazing.”
That provoked an even more rose pink flush to her neck and face and her smile bloomed into the most captivating image I could imagine at that moment.
“And what about me…?”
Jill wasn’t about to be left out as she wryly smiled again as if to say ‘let’s see him get out of this gracefully!’
“You look, as always I dare say, perfectly gorgeous.”
Jill laughed and her expression softened.
“Well honey… You need to get everything together so I can view the work.”
“I’ve also done a few things with Allie and some of them are really quite nice. I would like to show them as well.” I turned toward Allie and winked.
“Well…” Jill said quite breathily and chuckled. “…I should have expected that.”
“Where can we possibly show?”
I was clueless as to where let alone how. There is so much work that goes into putting a show together from advertising to printing to the logistics not to mention the venerable wine and cheese offering to the patron Gods of the fine arts.
“I was thinking maybe late October or early November at…oh…say…Preston’s?”
I nearly choked! Preston Galleries was only the most renowned art showcase in Soho. Only the very well-established and renowned artists got to exhibit there.
“I’ve known Bob for many years…and I do NOT mean known in the biblical sense. He implicitly trusts my judgment and he will do this if he even thinks he smells money in it.”
Preston’s…? Sacred feces…! I was so stunned that I barely tasted the tiny morsels of hor d’oeurves that Allie placed on the small plate in front of me. My mind was going at a million miles a second with the prospects and possibilities that had just opened up. Allie must have sensed my excitement, not to mention her own as I pulled her into the deep end of the pool along with me, because she placed her hand atop mine.
“Now… What’s all this crap I hear about you wanting boobs?”
Everything in my mouth suddenly went down every pipe but the right one. I began to cough and choke till tears came to my eyes. Allie got up from her chair and began to slap my back to loosen whatever was caught in which ever passageway. Even Jill looked quite concerned as she took my wine glass and held it toward me to wash down whatever.
I was finally able to clear my passageways and I took a very big sip of the wine, nearly finishing the glass. When I could finally breathe normally and speak, I…spoke...sort of.
“What…?” I managed to cough and wheeze out as I looked from Jill to Allie.
“I asked Jill about that. I’m sorry if it upset you but…” Allie grasped my hand and looked at me quite sincerely.
“Yes…” Jill said. “Allie tells me everything…well…almost everything. And I tell her almost everything. So it’s quite natural for her to tell me about this. She seems to be very concerned about you…your welfare…and she simply wanted to make sure that you didn’t do something foolish. So… Are you planning to transition?”
Jill’s expression was one of seriousness.
“What…?”
“You do know what the word means, don’t you?”
I love the expression Jill has when she thinks she’s dealing with an idiot. It’s that wry smile coupled with the arched eyebrow, followed by her gazing at her manicure without her expression changing at all. Well… Now she took an extra added moment to gaze at her nails and waited for an answer.
“Uhhh… I guess…” Not…!
“It means that you’re considering being known as a woman and you wish to acquire the outer cosmetic…accouterments? Is that what you wish to do?”
“Uhhh… No…? Not really...”
“I don’t understand.” Jill shook her head rapidly and seemed…puzzled. “If you’re not transitioning…then what do you want boobs for?”
“Well…? My clothes will fit me better and it’ll open up a whole new ‘look’ for me. I could really expand my wardrobe and…” I lit up with excitement.
“Wait…!” Jill held up her hands up with palms out. “Wait just one minute. Are you telling me that you want boobs simply to make a fashion statement?”
Jill stared at me with completely incredulous look on her face.
“Well…?”
I looked at her and then to Allie, who had a similar look on her face although she did also have a smile of bemusement.
“I also just think… I think I should have them? I mean… I think they belong…here?”
I pointed toward my chest tentatively. I didn’t know how to really describe what I felt. In truth, having boobs was simply a part of the mental image I had of myself when clothed. Jill broke out into laughter.
“Small wonder you’re so talented. Why don’t you simply get some rubber ones…or whatever they’re making them out of these days. From the little I understand they can be glued on for days and they’re marvelously realistic with bounce and all that. Or why don’t you just get implants? That way you can have them removed if you wish.”
As I started to reply, Jill continued.
“The only other way is via better living through chemistry. You’ll need to take hormones and that will require medical supervision.”
Jill paused for a moment. She gazed at me with her most serious expression and placed her hand atop mine.
“But you can’t simply stop taking hormones and have everything go away. And there can be very serious long-term side effects. This is a very serious decision.”
Before I could say anything, a waiter came over with a tray full of food. I didn’t recall ordering anything and I looked toward Allie.
“I hope you don’t mind but I ordered you something. If you don’t like it, we can always get you something else.” She smiled sweetly and patted my hand.
I felt more than a bit overwhelmed by it all. The showing, the boobs thingy, having food ordered for me: I felt like perhaps my life was spinning rapidly out of control. Though I must admit the duck Allie ordered was wonderful and I did manage to enjoy the evening as the conversation changed to something other than my art, boobs, and me.
I hugged Jill for a moment or two longer than I might have and I whispered ‘thank you’ in her ear. Her return hug informed me that she appreciated my humble gesture. Her eyes and smile told me that she saw me as something other than just another weird artist, or another paycheck. Even if her concern was based more on her friendship with Allie, she was honestly worried about me as a person.
The cab ride home with Allie was taken in complete silence…almost. I knew I had to talk with her. I really didn’t mind the liberties she had taken but still…telling Jill about the boobs thing was a bit much and I needed to know what was sacred between us and what wasn’t. She sensed my uneasiness and took my hand in hers. I spoke first.
“We need to talk.”
“I know.”
She spoke with a sweet smile I could see in the dim light of the cab’s back seat.
We arrived home and, after putting the left over food away, getting changed, and washing the day off of ourselves, we sat facing each other, legs akimbo, and clutching each others hands. We had named the television room ‘the cave’ because it seemed to be one of the two places we felt…safe with one another. The other place was the kitchen.
“Do you think I’m crazy?” I though I would start the conversation off on a light note.
“Well… Crazy is a very big word. Do you mean like…toys in the attic crazy?” Allie laughed.
“What?” So I was clueless.
“Like…the lights are on and there’s somebody home? But he’s in the attic playing with his toys?”
“Oh… No…! Seriously… Do you think I’m sort of…off?”
Allie took a deep breath and slowly let it out. She smiled, closed her eyes and slowly shook her head.
“No… You’re not crazy.” Allie opened her eyes and…oh God…she had such a calm and serene expression on her face. “But I must admit that…well…the way you dress and look…”
“Is there something wrong with the way I look?”
OMG…! Did I look awful? I always tried to dress tastefully if not a bit stylish? Again she closed her eyes and shook her head.
“No sweet heart. There’s nothing wrong with the way you dress. And you always look amazing. It’s just that…well…maybe it’s not gender appropriate? But on you do wear it well? Look honey, you’re an artist and as far as artists go you’re probably more sane than all the rest put together.”
Allie caressed my hands in hers.
“Really? I never considered it before. Do you think the boob thing is…weird?”
“Well…” Allie shrugged one shoulder and kind of clucked her tongue as her pitch went up. “Maybe a little…? If I could…I’d give you some of mine.” She laughed. “But you are so considerate and thoughtful and compassionate and…well…everything that a person should be. As far as I’m concerned...? You can run around naked and I wouldn’t think it weird.”
“Really? Can I start now?”
I began to pull off my tee and we both shared that laugh.
“But the boob thing…? I really want you to be sure about what you’re doing. I want to make sure you’re not doing anything risky, you know? That’s why I told Jill. She knows everyone. She’ll find you someone who can safely help you get what you want.”
“Listen…” I blushed Venetian red.
I looked down at our hands clasped together. For an instant I marveled at how totally comfortable I felt holding Allie’s hand. It was the first time I can recall holding a girl’s hand…I mean really holding it.
“About telling Jill stuff…”
Allie didn’t give me a chance to finish asking my question. She gently shook our hands, well, more of a gentle rocking back and forth. Her eyes were aglow with some inner excitement that she was about to release.
“Jill is more than just a very good friend. She’s like a mother to me. I don’t get along well with my parents.” There was a sad note in Allie’s voice.
“I don’t get along at all with my mom.” I echoed her sadness. “She thinks I’m some sort of a bizarre pervert or something.”
“I’m just not good enough for mine. They think I should have come out.”
“You’re a lesbian?” I said eyes and mouth agape…jokingly.
Allie merely covered her mouth and laughed.
“No silly…” She playfully slapped my hand. “It’s a social thing…like a cotillion…a ball? I was expected to come out to ’society’ when I was seventeen and then get married when I was eighteen or nineteen? Anyway, I went to the ball and chucked the rest and they still haven’t come to grips with it. So…Jill is the one I turn to when I need advice and a hug.”
“Well…? What will you tell her about…us? I mean… Will you tell her about this conversation?” I wasn’t hard for Allie to read the concern in my expression.
“I’ll tell her that you need to see someone who can help you do what you’d like safely. But… You must do something for me.”
Again her eyes were aglow with excitement but the almost mischievous expression on her face made me worry a bit. But I had implicit faith that Allie wouldn’t have me do anything that would be harmful or hurtful to anyone. I trusted her.
“Sure…anything.” I smiled
“I want to get you fitted for a bra and the most realistic breast forms available.” She giggled.
“Why…?”
I was shocked and a bit frightened. This was something I hadn’t counted on.
“You can begin to look better in your things immediately and you should get accustomed to the feel of having boobs. And…? Who knows…? Maybe you’ll change your mind. Anyway, Jill’s suggestions are always worth exploring. Trust me. It’ll be my treat and you’ll love it. We can even get you your first matching bra and panty set.”
Within a few days I was on a regimen of pills starting off with injections. The doctor was very sympathetic if not understanding although she seemed a little…cranky. And Jill was there, as well as Allie, just to lend a bit of moral support. Thankfully the doctor had her office in a huge hospital so everything went as quickly as possible.
As it turned out, I had a very low testosterone level, which is maybe why I hardly ever shaved. And though my sperm count was also on the low side, the Doctor felt it necessary to take several samples over the course of the week. Anyway, I felt better that at least I was on my way toward boobage…real live boobage!
The bra and breast forms had to wait till Saturday. Allie and I began our day at the salon getting trims. I had my eyebrows lightly feathered. I had seen the look…I think in a magazine…and loved it. Whilst the look was decidedly feminine, my brows were still quite full. The biggest difference was their manicured look.
Allie took me to a shop in the West Village that catered to…well…to guys who dressed like girls? I was super nervous to say the least and I began to blush a lovely Tuscan red an entire block away. Even with Allie along for support she nearly had to drag me into the shop.
I must admit that in spite of the kindness, the gentleness, and the empathy of the ladies, and Allie’s almost constant hand holding, I was traumatized; not severely, but enough to nearly hurl the very light snack we had in route. I was nearly in tears when we left but I had my breast forms.
We had decided upon a ‘b’ cup because anything larger would be more than I envisioned on my frame. Although I was not wide or heavy, I had height and the ‘a’ size simply was not enough to tent out the blouse I had worn. Not… At… All...!
Allie had purchased an inexpensive bra to retain the forms in place as well as the glue and solvent just in the event that I changed my mind and wanted a more full time appearance. One of the ladies instructed us on the use of the glue and solvent with a demonstration on me. I wore the bra and forms out of the shop.
Our next stop was uptown. Allie told me there was only one department store worth visiting for women’s ‘intimates’ and that was Bloomingdale’s. The manner in which Allie spoke made me believe that this was the epitome of selection and glamour, style and class, and all of that. I personally had never been to Bloomie’s because I always felt their styling and pricing were way out of my league.
The very moment we stepped through the Third Avenue threshold we were assaulted by a cornucopia of aromas, scents, fragrances and every other word one could possibly think of. The subdued and then the warm friendliness of the interior lighting greeted us with an unending display of things for sale.
Allie clasped my hand firmly as she led the way through this unending maze of…things. Everywhere I looked were mostly very fashionably dressed people…women and men who appeared to simply live within the store and, upon waking each morning, selected something from the endless opened ‘closets’ provided. And the plethora of colors and textures was…amazing.
And the women, from the young to the older, looked totally stunning, even in weekend afternoon attire. Their faces adorned with coloration that reflected their inner image of themselves. I could relate to that much at least. Although I must say that a few of them were slightly over done?
I mean… I’m all for following that inner image but… I could only hope that my inner image was more reasonable in relation to the world. Thankfully I had Allie to let me know.
Intimates… Who ever thought that one up? That’s exactly where we ascended to; the intimates department. I have never feel so assaulted by a variety of colors, textures, shapes and aromas in my life! And the variety of things one could wear for whatever occasion seemed to be not only totally overwhelming but also quite unending.
I would never have ventured in there without Allie. And, to be perfectly honest, I don’t think I can even today, after visiting more than a few times, without my very own amazing personal shopper.
Allie wandered the aisles gazing at the various pieces. I could see the excitement in her eyes. She was like a child in the world’s biggest toy store. I grasped her purse strap and held tightly fearing my own wandering eyes would separate us never to be seen together again. We might have wandered all day taking in all the sights if a sales person hadn’t approached Allie.
Fortunately Allie had my size written down because I was way too done in to remember much from our ‘boob’ shop visit. We were escorted to a counter where the woman placed one half dozen different styles of bras on the counter. I took Allie aside for a moment.
“What about color?” I naively asked.
“We need to find what fits you the best first. Just because the sizes are the same doesn’t mean that they all fit in the same manner.” She smiled patiently at me and turned back to the counter top. “Then my little color monster can pick and choose.” She giggled.
I won’t go into how it took nearly three-quarters of an hour just to select three bras; two regular ones…if indeed there is such a thing as a regular one…and one halter strapped bra. The next big challenge were the panties. I normally wear a high cut brief but many of the bra styles came with thongs or bikinis or some other miniscule style of gusset.
“But why can’t you wear a bikini or some of the others designed for low rider jeans?” Allie asked me in complete innocence.
I took her aside and, arching my brows and gritting my teeth I discreetly motioned to my groin. It took her a moment to understand the problem. Finally her face exploded in an expression of realization. I did indeed, still, have a dick. And although it may not have been an anaconda…it was at least a garter?
“Ohhh…!” Allie’s hand went to her mouth as she half laughed and giggled. “I forgot.”
Upon having my little morsels of cloth finally wrapped up and Allie being presented with the charge, I had a moment to reflect on the day thus far. I was listening with half an ear when I heard a pronouncement from the saleswoman.
“Two hundred, twenty six dollars and thirty-eight cents please…” The woman smiled.
“What…!” What…!
I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t believe that three bra and panty sets would cost so much. That was more than what my yearly supply of panties and hosier cost…along with a number of other pieces. Allie simply laughed.
“Oh honey…you should be glad you don’t have my boobs. My bras cost even more.”
“Yeah… But at least your bras have so much more to them.”
I was still a bit irate but Allie simply giggled and then laughed. Of course when I realized what I had said, I began to laugh as well. Allie is a forty double ‘D’. One of her bra cups contained more material than all three of my newly acquired thirty-four ‘B’s.
“Now let’s go get some pay back.” Allie exclaimed with as much excitement as I’ve seen her have today.
“Payback…?” Clue…less…!
“Yeah… Follow me.” Her face was lit up with anticipation.
Allie led me from the intimates department up to the cosmetics counter. Evidentially Allie was a regular visitor because she made a virtual bee line to the exact place we needed to be. She even knew the sales woman who greeted us. The woman even seemed to know what Allie wanted.
“We’re going to get a makeover.” Allie was over joyed. I was in utter panic!
“I’ll look terrible. I always wind up looking like a clown.” I frantically whispered in her ear.
“Has anyone ever styled you professionally?”
“Never…! It was just me fooling around. And it wasn’t even my makeup.”
“Your mom’s stuff…right?” I looked down at my hands and nodded. “Well…? Take a seat baby doll.” Allie took my hand and led me onto a stool next to the counter. “Relax and enjoy sweetie. If you don’t like the look, we can take it off.” Allie suddenly sang out in a loud voice; “Berries…!”
I thought about this entire thing as I sat down and waited briefly for the stylist to attend me. Make up just didn’t seem to like me very much. But Allie was probably right. Just as I am proficient with the tools and media of my art, so would…or should…a stylist be with theirs. A woman walked over to me and smiled. She introduced herself as Lori and began to seriously look at my face.
“You have lovely skin but you really should take better care of it.” That’s the story of my life.
“Can you make my nose disappear?” I giggled nervously.
“Why? It’s a beautiful nose. It has character.”
‘Yeah… Sinister character…’ I thought.
“You’re cheekbone structure is simply amazing! And your eye lashes…?” Lori rolled her eyes and grinned. “Listen Andi…with a face and a body like yours, you could easily model.” I laughed. “No… Seriously...! And your eyes are simply amazing! It’s all in how the light hits you and how you choose to show yourself…the angles.”
Well now… Light and angles… That’s something I could relate to.
I watched intently in a mirror as Lori worked. She was strikingly similar to me when I worked on a piece. Her concentration was easily as intense. She would perform an action and then stop to see its effect. Of course she didn’t stopped chattering for a moment.
I watched what tools she used and asked questions when necessary. In essence I was back in school learning how to work in a new medium, which was mostly powders, a few paints and some creams. I hadn’t thought about cosmetics in that sense before.
I was so very engrossed in what was being done to me that I hadn’t noticed the time fly by. Lori finally finished with one last coating of my lips with a tinted gloss. For the first time I looked at my face as a completed piece of ‘art work’.
I had little doubt that Lori was indeed a master artist because I didn’t recognize myself. I looked…dazzling? As I turned my head slowly from side to side, I truly understood what Lori meant. It seemed that from every angle I looked…hot?
“See…? The stuff fashion models are truly made of. It’s the irregularities that provide the interest.” Lori grinned and giggled. “And you’re blessed with the figure as well.”
Allie came along side of me and she too was surprised. She took me around by my shoulders. I had an ash to slate grey smoky eyed effect with pink blush and matching shade of lipstick. The pink had a bit more blue to it, which is why I supposed it was called berry?
“Oh my God…! You look amazing! I can’t believe it!”
“Well…” I said wryly. “…I don’t think they’re quite ready for this look at work.”
I was still marveling at my reflection in the mirror.
“In fact…” I said turning to Allie. “I don’t think I’m quite ready for this look.”
I must admit that the sensation of the cosmetics on my face was…interesting. I wasn’t really sure that I liked it? The weirdest sensation had to be the mascara. But I couldn’t deny the effect the use of color had upon the way my features were perceived. Allie, of course, looked amazing and radiant as usual but Allie looked amazing and radiant with nothing on her face.
“And all you’d need to do for an evening look is this.” Lori said as she carefully removed the lipstick. “You just need to go darker for more drama.” She also blended in the blush till it was barely noticeable.
Lori picked up a very deep ox blood red and began to redo my lips. She followed with a comparably deep blood red blush. As Lori carefully blended in the blush, the smile on her face widened.
“God…! You look so amazing.” Lori sighed.
I looked at Allie before even gazing at myself in the mirror. She grinned and nodded her head. Then I turned and gazed at myself. Just the mere difference in the blush and lip shade totally changed the look from one of sophistication to one of pure seduction. With only a sight parting of my now wet appearing lips seemed so very inviting; even to me.
I was about to ask for everything Lori used…and then some. Allie took me aside and told me to only purchase the skin care things. I looked at her questioningly and she told me in a whisper that she had several complete and unused cosmetic kits. Nonetheless the skin, face, eye, and lip treatments ran almost two hundred dollars.
The day ended most graciously with both of us in our usual places on the couch. Allie practically had to drag me kicking and screaming into my bathroom to have me remove my makeup. I was so enamored with the way I looked by the late the afternoon that I was more than grateful the cosmetics were long lasting. I think I was even ogled by several men…and women!
Allie’s extravagant gift was on my mind. I felt more than a bit weird for accepting it so easily. Upon arriving home, she showered me with cosmetics including this large box with a complete palette of the colors offered by the same company that produced the colors I wore. She even gave me an assortment of lipsticks and gloss pots in another box.
As we sat and watched some mindless cooking show, I grasped Allie’s feet and deposited them upon my lap and began to softly massage them. She, in turn, grabbed the bowl of cut fruit we’d been munching on and placed it on her thighs. Allie and I had become quite comfortable in each other’s company. I…we…felt safe. But I still thought about my words before I spoke.
“You know…my dear…that was quite a gift you gave me today.” I giggled and continued to look at whatever reality show we were half watching.
“To be honest…? I enjoyed watching you suffer through the day.”
She laughed and speared another piece of melon, offering it to me. I ate it and turned toward her.
“Nobody has ever given me a gift like that.”
“Well… It’s not every day you go out and buy bras, panties, fake boobs and a new look.” Allie giggled and I nodded.
“True… True… But the cost…? That was def a record.”
“Really…? Nothing extravagant for birthdays or graduation…?” She looked at me more attentively now. I shook my head.
“I was lucky to even get a card…and even that was probably shop lifted.”
The sadness in my heart was nearly imaged by Allie’s expression. Now she understood my statement about the cost and why I was making it. I was so thankful that she was as intuitive as anybody I’d ever met and we were able to so easily keep company.
“Well…just let me hang onto your purse strap and take me to your showings and we can call it even.” She smiled sympathetically and wiggled her toes in my hands.
The people at work really didn’t know what to make of me. Each Monday brought a ‘new’ me. And each Monday Rhona would greet me with a ‘so how was your weekend’ and I simply had to giggle. No doubt she thought I was getting laid or something but, in fact, I was kind of being reborn.
First came to new ‘do. Next came the feathered brows. That caused Rhona to spend nearly her entire coffee break at my desk talking about it, the look, and so on. Of course she had to have her brows done because she loved the look so much. And then there were the manicures and then the mani-pedis. Now it was the cosmetics.
I didn’t go overboard and try for the entire ‘look’. I did use some concealer, just a touch of slightly tinted gloss on my lips, and the slightest hint of mascara. It def was enough to make a difference and she spotted that difference as soon as I walked in.
The guys and the women spotted the difference right away. They didn’t make a big fuss over it but they did say I was looking good. In fact nearly everybody thought I was looking good. ‘You’re looking good’ was rapidly becoming a standard of excellence for me. I hate to admit it but I lived for those three little words.
But it was Peter, dear Peter, who really blew me away. One day I happened to dress up just a bit more…formally…nicely? I bought this amazing silk multi-color blazer style jacket in the West Village and decided to wear it to work. I wore white linen pants with a flared leg and drawer string waist and a pale pearl colored linen blouse with a ruffled front. My Espadrille flats were an off white color that nearly matched the blouse. I was the epitome of summer street style…at least in my own mind.
When dear Peter walked in…he froze in mid motion. His eyes were wide and his mouth agape with surprise. He stared for the longest moment and I was sure he would cast a disapproving eye on my outfit of the day. But to my surprise his expression turned into one of…delight? He smiled even as his eyes seemed to undress me…ME!
“You look…amazing dear.” He said with a grin. “Are you also wearing a new scent?”
I don’t know what color I blushed; maybe a deep raspberry shade? And as he walked past me he leaned into toward me and I could hear him inhale deeply.
“Very nice… Spicy…like you I assume...?” He chuckled and never lost eye contact with me.
My makeup routine hadn’t changed in for about two weeks, just a bit of concealer, some mascara, and a touch of lip-gloss. But today I went a little bolder starting with a hint of blush and lipstick in a pale pink matte shade and a light berry lip-gloss over it. And I also went with a scent I usually reserve for the weekends.
I still went with no shadow, at least during the day. I felt somewhat proud of myself because I had done my own makeup. Allie had been helping me on the weekends and we both occasionally played with the cosmetics during the week after work.
I spent nearly ten minutes with Rhona upon entering the offices. She was gushing with tons of compliments and, to be honest, I couldn’t hear enough of them. She had to know where every piece I wore came from and where I purchased the lovely beaded jewelry I wore and whom was I seeing after work! Oh…My…God…!
This was something I’ve wanted to do for so very long. I’ve seen women out on the streets, going to work and looking so very fashionable. And I’d wanted to look like that, to be dressed like them, their bodies and faces aglow with color.
To me they were living pieces of art. When I saw them strutting about, what I really saw was performance art and I so very much wanted to be a performance artist like they were complete with all of their grace, beauty, their fluid poetry and their special magic as they walked.
And now I finally felt like a part of that wonderful exhibition.
What’s next for our hero(ine)? Will Andi become the new fashionista of the week? All this and more in the ongoing adventures of Andi and Allie!!!
Andi and Allie Chapter 8
Sweet Twenty and never been…?
“Andi…? Are you transitioning?”
Peter always seemed to get right to the point. He was leaning forward with his hands clasped on his glass desktop and his lovely blue eyes gazing intently at me. I of course blushed magenta.
“Ummm…” I rolled my eyes upward. “Why do you ask Peter?”
I sat quite demurely with my legs crossed at the ankle and my hands folded neatly upon my lap.
“Well…”
He chuckled. A good sign... Peter does have one of those very rare million dollar siles that seem to come at birth for a blessed few.
“You seem to be…dressing more femme lately. And today…” He suddenly sat back in his oversized leather swivel armchair. “Well…? You look absolutely radiant. If I didn’t know any better…” His voice trailed off.
“Why thank you Peter.” I smiled and giggled at his compliment.
“The issue is this.”
Peter sat forward once again and assumed his ‘I’m very serious’ pose complete with interlaced fingers. His gaze was as intense as I’d ever seen it yet his smile was as intensely genuine and unwavering.
“You seem to have become very important to the people up on Fifty-Seventh Street. They’re thrilled with the work you’re producing for our new client.” The translation is the client is totally thrilled…of course. “So naturally if you’re undergoing a situation or if you should need anything, we simply want you to know that we’re all here to help.” His smile grew even larger.
“Well…? Actually…? I’m not transitioning?” Thank you Jill. “This is simply the way I see myself. It’s kind of my inner image?”
I could swear Peter’s smile grew even larger, if that was possible, with this bit of news. I suddenly leaned forward anxiously with my shoulders slightly hunched.
“It’s not creating a problem for you or anything? Is it?” That was the last thing I wanted.
“No… Oh no… Not at all…!” Peter was very insistent. “As I said, you look wonderful. And certainly around here…well…nobody seems to mind at all. Oh… Yes… You really have to spend less time with Rhona in the mornings comparing notes. She can easily distract anybody. And… I must say… She will certainly try her best.”
Peter laughed heartily and then sat forward putting on his ‘all business’ expression.
“Listen Andi, there are a few things we do need to speak about regarding the packaging project. I need to leave for a meeting uptown and tomorrow I go out of town for several days. But…perhaps…if you’re free…we could discuss things over, say dinner tonight?”
“Ummm… Sure... That would be nice.”
I smiled graciously. If the boss asks me to have dinner tonight, then I have dinner with him tonight. A no brainer… Right…? And who in their right mind could…or would resist an invite from a hottie like Peter anyway?
It wasn’t until I got back to my workstation that I suddenly realized…did I just get hit on? I mean he did hold my hand a little longer than necessary when we shook hands. I had to text Allie. I had no idea of what to do or how to handle this…this situation. So I whipped out my trusty iPhone and texted away.
‘OMG!!! Have date w/Petr!!!’
I waited but a few moments for a reply.
‘OMG!!! Wen???’
‘2nite!!!’
‘CALL!!!’
“Oh my God Andi…? How’d that happen? I mean… Did he just ask you?” Allie sounded…concerned?
“Its way more complicated than that I think. He said he wanted to discuss the new account with me? But he needed to go to suit city and then he would be away for a few days so… I didn’t think about it until it was too late.”
As if I would refuse.
“That is so very much the story of my life.” Allie laughed. “Well…? How’d he ask?”
“Well… The whole thing started out kind of weird? He asked if I was transitioning?”
“Oh my God…! No…!”
“What’s wrong with that? I mean he seemed so concerned.” I am…so…CLUELESS!!!
“He is like…so totally gay?”
I could hear the incredulous tone of Allie’s voice echoing my thoughts of cluelessness.
“Oh poopie...” The realization struck me like a lightning bolt! “So that’s why he seemed happier after I told him I wasn’t.”
“What else…? What else…? Come on sweet heart… The details…!”
“Well… He held my hand longer than maybe he should have?”
“He held your hand?”
“Well… Yeah… We did shake hands you know.” I giggled.
“This could be serious.” Allie naturally produced her ‘serious voice’.
“How do I handle this? I mean it’s not like we’re meeting for the first time at a school thingy or something.”
“Is he cute? I met him some time ago but I can’t remember what he looks like.”
“Oh…my…God…! He’s so terminally cute. He’s a little old for me though…” I said as I mused over his image in my mind. “Anyway… I don’t think I’m interested? I mean it could be very messy if something happened. You know…?”
“That is the truth. Never fool around with someone from work. Do you have your makeup with you? There’s nothing wrong with looking good anyway you know.”
“Yeah. I have to tell you how much I love having yet another bag in my bag.” I giggled.
I began to putting together an ‘emergency kit’ for just such an occasion. You know… A small eye shadow palette, mascara, a glossy brick red lipstick…just enough to evoke a ‘night out’ look…
“Do you have an extra panty as well…? Or maybe a panty liner…?”
“No… Why…?” I am so…CLUELESS!!!
“Oh my God Andi…! You are so clueless. Think about it for a minute.” Allie giggled.
I did and suddenly I knew why she asked.
“Oh my God no…! It’s def not going to be THAT kind of evening.”
“Are you sure?” Allie snickered.
“Yeah... For sure… That’s totally not what I want to do.”
“Okay… Here’s the plan. If you’re feeling crowded or nervous…you know…like he’s really putting the moves on you? Eat lightly. That way you’ll finish quickly. No dessert... Then just excuse yourself. Go to the powder room and give me a call.”
Allie stopped for the longest moment. Somehow I knew she would have some sort of solution to abate my fears. I mean I wasn’t afraid of Peter. But the entire intimacy thing was kind of frightening. And the sexual intimacy thingy… Forget about it!
“In fact…” Allie finally continued. “Call me either way. Let me know how it’s going. You have my number on speed dial. If anything changes after that, just speed dial me and hang up. I’ll call you back at the table with some sort of excuse to leave. Okay…?”
Allie rattled this all off as if it was a protocol for getting out of ‘sticky situations’ before they become really sticky situations. I guessed that she had enough, or maybe more than enough, experience at such things. I was so nervous that I found it hard to concentrate on my work.
Finally, at about four-thirty, I had to get out and just enjoy some air. The thought of Allie being on the other end of an emergency phone call was very reassuring. I don’t know where I would be without her…her wisdom.
I got home about ten. I heard Allie call out my name as I closed and locked the door. I walked into the kitchen, dropped my bag and keys and headed to the cave where I knew she would be. Allie was curled up in her corner of the couch.
Her hair hung in ringlets about her head giving me every indication that she had just showered and hadn’t done anything to her hair. She wore her old comfortable terry cloth robe. Allie was definitely naked underneath its warm soft protection. She was munching on a piece of chocolate cake. Her face lit up as her brows arched and her smile dazzled.
“So…? How was it?” Allie could barely contain her excitement as she sat up clutching the lapels of her robe.
I smiled with a kind of stupid dreamy look on my face? I took a deep breath and let it out slowly as I crossed my arms and hugged myself.
“It was…nice.”
“What…! Only nice…?” Allie stared at me in surprise.
“Okay…so it was better than nice. It was totally amazing.” I giggled as I hugged myself and spun around in place. “Let me go get comfortable and I’ll tell you everything.”
I smiled as I drifted slowly toward my bedroom. When I returned I could see that Allie was bursting with excitement.
“Details…! I want details! Oh…and by the way…your lipstick is smeared.”
I could hear Allie laughing as I walked back into my bedroom to wash…again. I took a very quick shower this time to wash the long day off of myself as well. After I towel dried, I used my overnight skin lotion on my face and combed out my hair, which had gotten somewhat flattened after using the shower cap. A quick slipped into my panty, a sleeping tee, my robe and I was ready to face Allie’s inquisition.
“So…? Sit and talk sweetie.” Allie patted the cushion next to her.
“It was really nice.” I repeated with the same dreamy smile on my face. “Peter arrived back at the office at about six and he asked me if I had any preference for what we ate. I let him decide. We went to this Italian restaurant. Oh my God…! When we walked out to take a cab…he took my arm and he opened the door for me. He was opening the door and he pulled out my chair in the restaurant. He was such the perfect gentleman.”
Allie listened to me go on and on and on. She was wide-eyed and grinning whilst she munched on her second piece of cake the entire time. I told her that we did in fact discuss some important business issues. Peter told me that I was getting a merit raise for my work thus far and there had even been some talk of perhaps me taking over the graphic arts department and him moving up to run the media area.
“The entire time he made me feel like it was all about me. And maybe it was.” I giggled.
“What do you mean maybe? Of course it was.” Allie laughed as she handed me a fork full of the cake.
“I mean he poured my wine and he made sure everything was the way I wanted it. I really felt…special. You know…? He made me feel really special.”
I could feel myself becoming emotional. Nobody except Allie ever had ever made me feel special. And not even Allie made me feel special in the manner Peter did. He made me feel as though we were the only two people in the world. He made me feel important, treasured, even desired.
Allie’s smile faded just a bit and she suddenly had this far away look for a moment.
“Yeah…I know what you mean.” There was just a touch of sadness in her voice.
“When I called you from the ladies room? Oh my God…! I was so…”
“Horny…?” Allie giggled.
“No…?”
“Maybe a little drunk?”
“No…! Well… Maybe a little buzzed?” I giggled.
I was having real trouble trying to find the proper words to describe exactly how I felt. I think that was because I’d never felt like that before. The tears came to my eyes and I couldn’t control them and I didn’t know why except I had all of these feelings inside of me that needed to come out…that needed to be expressed. And my tears were the only ‘words’ I had.
“Oh honey…”
Allie reached over and handed me several tissues. Allie looked as though she was about to cry as well.
“You should have been born a girl. You were simply romanced by a really good-looking, well versed, and very refined, man. It’s that simple.”
“Well versed and refined…?” I blew my nose and blotted a few more tears.
“He knew exactly how to act; what to say and how to treat you.” Allie blotted her tears. “And it truly is a beautiful thing. I love that feeling when it happens, even though it’s so good that it hurts.” I nodded my head in agreement. It did hurt. “I bet you wanted to go down on him and you weren’t even all that excited?”
I nodded again. I couldn’t believe it myself. I would’ve done it right there in the restaurant…or anywhere else he might have wanted! Although maybe I was a little excited as well?
“He held my hand…at the table! And when I went to call you…he got up out of his chair and pulled my chair out. When I came back…he stood up and pulled my chair out again for me.”
Allie nodded and looked at me quite somberly.
“And when we finished eating, he held the door open for me as we left the restaurant.”
At this point we were both clutching our pillows to our breasts. Allie looked very solemn and wide-eyed.
“And we went for a walk.”
“Oh my God…! You did?”
Allie’s hand shot out and grasped my hand. I nodded and smiled.
“He held my hand for a short while and then he put his arm around my waist.”
I had that stupid dreamy look on my face again.
“Did you guys talk…at all?”
Allie buried her chin into the cushion. She looked so totally adorable and huggable but truly my mind, at the time, was elsewhere.
“Yeah… But I don’t remember what we talked about. Actually he did most of the talking and…well…my mind was way buzzed to remember what he said. I simply listened to the sound of his voice. He has such a deep and…well…commanding sort of voice? Oh my God…!” I leaned in toward Allie. “I was trembling the entire time. He thought I was cold. He wanted to give me his jacket.” I said in a whisper.
“Oh my God… That is so…so nice. Did he pull you into his side? Kind of…?” I nodded. “I love it when they do that.” Allie sighed.
“Yeah… It kind of feels very…sheltering? I felt so weak. I don’t know. I could feel his body’s heat and his aroma…it was…intoxicating?”
I gazed at Allie in a dream like state as she nodded her acknowledgement.
“And he’s so tall that we were a perfect fit.” We both seemed to sigh simultaneously. “And then he got me a cab. He opened the door for me. And then…”
I had to take a deep and shuddering breath.
“He turned me around and held me in his arms.”
I held out my arms and encircled an imaginary waist as I unconsciously mimicked his action.
“And he kissed me.”
“He did?”
Allie let out a little squeal of excitement. She actually shifted completely around only to return to nearly the same position.
“He caught you by surprise?”
Allie’s eyes and mouth opened wide with this new revelation.
“Well…? Yeah… The first time…”
I giggled and blushed an amazing shade of fuchsia.
“Oh my God…!” Allie squealed. “He kissed you twice? Oh my God…!”
I nodded and grinned. Allie’s face was alight with excitement. She would later say that listening to me was better than watching a Kevin Costner chick flick.
“Yeah… He pulled me even closer. And… Well… We kissed again. The second one was so much better. The first one was so… so creamy, and dreamy to begin with. You know…?”
Allie nodded her head rapidly.
“What did you do then?”
Allie sat spell bound clutching the cushion to her very ample breasts.
“Well…? What could I do? I put my arms around his neck and I kissed him back.” I giggled as another tear began to fall. “Tongue and all…!”
“No…!” Allie almost whispered. “Oh my God…!”
Allie handed me some more tissues.
“It was…wonderful! He held me so firmly…so closely.”
I looked at Allie as her chin sank back into the cushion again and I spoke so very softly with a grin.
“I could even feel his stiffy!”
“No…! You didn’t!” Allie looked amazed. “You could feel his stiffy?”
“And his lips were just so…amazing! I actually got kind of excited. Sort of… You know…?”
“Oh…! My…! God…!”
Allie sat upright. We had never spoken so openly and intimately before…not that there really was any reason before now.
“So then what did you do?”
`
“Definitely not what I wanted to do. I mean…thankfully the cab was there. The entire thing only took seconds but…” I sighed…again. “But it felt like forever and I truly didn’t want it to end. I wanted to undress him…slowly…and kiss my way down his body. I would have been on my knees in no time at all and I would have just sucked his brains out through his dick!”
“Andi…! No…!” Allie’s shocked expression quickly turned into a wicked grin.
I smiled, nodded, and cried. Allie was def into total shocked at this point. She had never heard me speak so bluntly or…so crudely…about anything sexual…or sensual?
“You know, I learned everything I know about sex and men from my mother.” My smile suddenly faded and I felt…detached?
“Yeah…” Allie nodded. There was a hint of sadness in her voice. “My mom always said; ‘If they have money, station, AND potential, then blow them’. I learned an awful lot about my parents relationship from her.” A tear fell from her eye…and then another. “What did your mom tell you?”
“Nothing really... It’s just that… Well… One day I came home a little early from our neighbor’s house and saw my mom in the living room with some guy. She was on her knees blowing him.”
I rubbed my temples. I felt a headache coming on. It must have been the wine?
“Oh my God…! What happened?”
Allie was yet again shocked. She never expected to hear that kind of tale being uttered from my lips.
“Nothing. He saw me and smiled. She heard me…looked up to see me…and went back to doing her thing. I’m pretty sure she was drunk. She drank a lot. I was about ten at the time.”
“That must have been terrible. What did you do?”
“She must have thought I went into my bedroom. But I didn’t. I got down on the floor and watched from the corner of the doorway. Her back was to me but I saw her head bobbing up and down and the guy was moaning and groaning away. Eventually she got up and pulled him up from the couch. His fly was undone and I saw his stiffy. She grabbed him by his stiffy and pulled him into her bedroom.”
Allie was stunned. I never spoke about my mother or my home life other than in passing and even then I would change the subject quickly. Allie…dear Allie…had the good grace not to pursue it and she never brought the subject up. I stared at the tissue in my hands as I gently pulled at its corners.
“Soon it became kind of a daily ritual…me finding her with some guy. Sometimes there were two or even three in a day. And it was always the same. I would usually see her on her knees at first. Then it was off to her bedroom.” My tears were flowing freely now. “When I got older, she would sometimes come in really late, like maybe three or four in the morning, and she was a mess. She was so loaded that she had to lean against the wall as she walked and…”
I had to stop for a moment at that point because I was so overcome with emotion reliving that time. I simply started to openly cry. Allie, angel that she is, embraced me with both arms and, with one of her hands, gently caressed my back and neck. There were tears coming from her eyes as well.
“You don’t need to go through this Andi.” She whispered softly in my ear. “You really don’t.”
I let her hold me for a few moments until I could garner my emotions. Then I sat back up and gently pushed her away with my palms.
“I need to Allie. It won’t make any sense unless I tell you and…I trust you. I want you to understand.” I began to cry again. “One night she was a mess. Her dress was half unbuttoned. She held the front together with her hand clutching the material. She had no panty on. God only knows where that went. And as she walked, sperm mixed with blood dripped onto the floor and she stank. She smelled like a public toilet. She stank of sex and urine and alcohol and cigarettes and Heaven only knows what else.”
I looked at Allie through my tear clouded eyes.
“Oh my God Andi…! You poor thing...”
Allie took my hands in hers. She had a genuinely pained expression on her face. I looked her directly in her eyes and spoke quite…firmly.
“I learned the word whore when I was twelve and I instantly knew what it meant. I don’t know who my father was and I doubt I ever will. She probably never knew…and she probably wouldn’t have remembered it anyway. The image of my mother sucking some guy off came into my mind when I felt like getting down on my knees tonight. I didn’t want to be her.” My tears just wouldn’t stop.
“Well then…who taught you about women?” Allie asked sadly as she dried her tear dampened eyes.
“My mother...”
Will Andi ever play hide the salami? And with whose salami…? All this and more as our tale unfolds.
Andi and Allie Chapter 9 - Mr. or Ms. Popularity…?
Peter messaged me twice a day whilst he was away. The messages were innocuous but he always included ‘I’m thinking of you’ at the end of each. I’d done nothing but think of him. I had already decided, and Allie agreed, that perhaps I wasn’t truly ready for any kind of a relationship with Peter other than the one at work.
I didn’t want to bounce from relationship to relationship. Although I was living with Allie who was very strong willed, could I even survive someone with as dominant a personality as Peter? So at the end of each of my responses, I would include ‘doing the same’.
I came upon a solution that would leave us both, that is Peter and I, feeling okay with my ‘thanks but no thanks’. I knew how vain the man was. While he didn’t exactly look in the mirror every few minutes, he was extremely well manicured down to every hair on his head. I would appeal to his vanity by doing a portrait of him.
And so I did. The piece was a crayon and pencil drawing of him appearing his most imposing behind his desk. Because that was the only environment I knew him in, other than that Italian restaurant, it would have to do. It was actually a very good rendering.
His eyes would be the most important aspect and I had to give them that imperious look he was so fond of effecting. I did a second one whilst the spirit was upon me. This one was more informal and it portrayed him at the office in a more relaxed pose. I was able to accomplish this on Saturday afternoon in a scant few hours.
Allie was nearly as emotionally and physically drained as I was after our talk. I knew there was no way I would be able to go to work the following day. I needed that time simply to recover from my regurgitation of the horrors of my youth. And poor Allie was subjected to all that I spewed up.
I slept late and when I did awaken, I smelled the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Allie had called my office and Jill when she awoke. And once I made my awakened presence known, she made me breakfast as well. We then washed, dressed, and spent the day in Liberty Park lazing in the shade and riding the Statin Island Ferry.
We also spent considerable time over the weekend in the studios, sometimes not speaking for hours while we worked to the music being played on Allie’s radio. I spent the time painting chosen pieces of her pottery and she spent the time trying new shapes for bowls and platters and mugs.
Allie’s forms were quite classical and of high…‘craftwomanship’? They were light in weight and she took great pains in the trimming of each. Her glazes were not all that unique but lately she had begun to experiment with several test firings on different clays with new colors she had mixed.
Monday came all too soon. I found myself speaking to Rhona who was very curious about what I had in my portfolio case. I smiled serenely and told her nothing other than it was something for Peter to review. I must have smiled way too coyly because her facial expression alone shrieked ‘bullshit’!
Of course Peter came in at around nine-thirty to find me sitting at Rhona’s desk. He bid us a good morning and, after seeing the guilty expression on my face, broke into laughter. He smiled, shook his head, and walked down the hall and into his office.
I made a special point of not dressing too provocatively? I had yet to find out that when a guy is turned on to you, everything is provoking. Anyway, I chose an outfit I thought was quite bland and shouted work suit. I wore a navy blue pinstriped Donna Karen pants suit I glommed on clearance with a cream colored silk blouse and black ballet flats that shouldn’t ignite any kind of flame. I chose to confine my makeup to a bit of mascara and rose tinted lip gloss.
Rhona prepared Peter’s coffee for him and normally brought it into his office. But I chose to ferry the coffee myself with my portfolio in my other hand. Peter looked up from his desk when I entered his office and grinned.
“Assuming new duties?” He chuckled.
I strode up to his desk and placed his coffee down at his right hand. I then leaned the case up against his desk.
“Peter…? Please stand up for a moment?” I smiled oh so sweetly.
He did. I walked around his desk and threw my arms around his neck. I got up on my toes and kissed him. I suspect he knew what I was going to do because he didn’t flinch at all. In fact he put his arms around me and kissed me back. He took my breath away…to say the least. I backed away from him with a stunned expression…eyes wide and mouth agape.
“Peter…? I am just not ready for you.” I said breathlessly.
I watched his smile fade and he nodded his head slightly as if to say, ‘Damn…! I was afraid of that.’ I went back around his desk and opened the portfolio. I took out the portrait, its back to him, and placed it on one of the easels in his office. I stood aside to let him see. His expression suddenly changed to one of…acuteness? He stared at the piece intensely.
“Jesus Christ…” He spoke almost under his breath. He took several steps closer to it.
“I hope you like it.” I pled.
He looked at me and suddenly a smile crossed his face.
“Like it?”
His gaze turned back toward my work and he stared intensely at it for several more moments.
“It’s remarkable!”
He walked up to it and carefully, as if it could fall apart in his hands, lifted it and carefully inspected it.
“You didn’t sign it?” He was…shocked?
“On the back…?” I giggled.
He carefully turned the piece around enough to look. I had written; ‘simply because… Andi… 09/15/16’. He chuckled, placed the portrait back on the easel, and turned toward me. I could swear I saw tears well up in his eyes as he smiled. He hugged me warmly, which caused me to tremble a bit more and then, holding me slightly away from him, his hands on my upper arms, he shook his head.
“This is a very good work. It might even be…great. I really don’t know how to thank you other than to invite you to another dinner, face yet another rejection, and run off with yet another of your efforts that I shall covet!” He laughed as a tear actually did fall.
The portrait was gone the next day. Upon being invited to his home for Christmas, I was very surprised to find it hanging in the study of his town house next to a Picasso! By then he had more of my work including several painted ceramic pieces I did with Allie.
I continued to work feverishly both at the office and at home. I had to assemble a body of work to show Bob Preston and time was getting short. I had the usual stuff; still lifes, landscapes, city views, two dimensional textural and color-light studies. I’d even gone heavily into some pieces using oils.
I had about a dozen ceramic works thanks to Allie and her form experiments. I brought home the things I’d done at the office between assignments. I was only missing the most important study; nudes!
My sketching books are really my life. They are an artist’s journal even if the language isn’t composed of letters. Oh sure there may be notes and even other short writings. But it’s the drawings that truly tell the story of what is on the artist’s mind. My curve and ‘pear’ sketchbook had been the only thing really on my mind. I always kept it in my bedroom stacked with the others.
One night I returned from work a bit on the late side. I went directly into my bedroom to change and wash and get into my sleeping attire. I couldn’t tell if Allie was home yet or not. Her bedroom door was open and no light shone from within. Upon putting on my night tee, I had an urge to sketch a little before going to sleep. I went for the sketchbook and it was not in its usual place!
Panic…! Sheer panic…! I knew that book had to be somewhere in the apartment but still…the thought of it being gone shook me to my core. I quickly ran to the studios. Sometimes I would sketch new ideas for images on Allie’s ceramics or ones I got amidst the fumes of oils. I searched everywhere it might have been placed but found nothing.
Then I ran…literally ran…to the cave. I often liked to sketch whilst the white noise of the television blocked out everything except what I saw in my mind. Again I found nothing. That was when I went into the kitchen and I saw Allie leafing through it. I froze, totally panic stricken.
Allie sat staring at each page as she turned them. Her face was red and I could see a tear or two falling from her eyes. Her mouth was set with her lips so tight that they appeared white. She was very upset for sure. She looked over at me for a moment and then down at the page again.
“So this is the way you see me?” Her voice quavered and was full of tension. “You’ve been spying on me?” She looked up at me again with anger in her eyes. “Do you jack off to these? Is that it? Do you like fat women?”
I blushed cherry red as I walked up to her. I gazed at what she was looking at. It was a woman’s nude form but the legs were tucked up and being held against the figure’s breasts by her arms and the legs were crossed to cover the vagina. The figure had her fore head resting on her knees.
“I might…’jack off’ to these if they excited me in that manner. But they don’t. And this woman…as well as any others in this book…is definitely not fat. They are simply built like…women…and not like girls.”
I looked down into Allie’s eyes. I could see so much hurt in them and I didn’t know from who…or what.
“And I never have…and never will spy on you.”
I went to pull a stool around to sit down next to her. Allie watched me.
“Then why are you drawing me? These are of me, right? They look like me.” She stared back down at the sketch. “They look…fat…like…”
“There are no fat women in this book.” I was quite sharp with her. “Look at her thighs…her curves. Everything about this woman shouts…” I shrugged my shoulders. “…sensuality…fertility...lushness and plushness. She’s a very feminine curvy woman.”
I turned the page. I had drawn a woman sleeping on her stomach. I loved this form…a curvy rump and once again the thighs. It made me think of a roller coaster; one made for children with gentle rises and drops.
“Curves…lots of curves…” I had to smile. “They are oh so lovely. If I were to draw a model type, it would be all straight lines. But this…” I turned the page to another woman though I must admit this one did look like Allie. “…is far more interesting…far more true to life and real.”
“Now this one looks like me. Her face...”
“Yes… She does.” I couldn’t deny what was evident. “Do you mind? I mean you are so very terminally gorgeous you know.”
I smiled at Allie. I knew there was truth in my eyes, which is where she sought it. She burst into tears.
“My entire life I’ve been told I’m too fat, not smart enough, not this and not that. All through school I was called names; some so vile…”
Allie’s crying and her very painful revelations truly hurt my heart. I put my arms around her and hugged her as she wept. I could felt her body tremble and quake. Somehow, instinctively, I knew this all started at home. I mean… Doesn’t it always?
“There is nothing wrong with you Allie. You are so totally perfect. Don’t you know that?” I implored. “And we’re going to do really cool things; your ceramics and my designs. And everybody who ever said anything bad about you is going to curl up into a ball of fluff and be blown away in the wind.”
Allie looked up at me with her tear-streaked face. She was still sniffling and an occasional tear still fell.
“So if I’m so…beautiful and so perfect…how come I don’t turn you on?” She giggled through her tears.
“You do turn me on.” I smiled sadly at Allie. “Sometimes you’re all I think about. Nearly everything in this book is you.”
I turned to another page, one toward the back. This was a nude resting on her side with a scarf across her breasts and one leg across the other; in other words there was nothing ‘vital’ exposed? This one looked exactly like Allie. She gazed at it and smiled.
“You haven’t done any…other ones of me…you know…like…”
“Nothing that isn’t in this book. And nothing that anyone else has seen. Only you’ve seen these and only you will.”
I went on to explain that this was like a journal or a diary for me and very personal.
“But…”
I might as well push it. There probably wouldn’t be a better time.
“I would love to draw you in a larger work. But not without you being okay with it. I would love to have several of you for the showing.”
I took her hand in mine and gently caressed it with my other hand.
“But not unless you are truly totally okay with it. I mean…once you’re out there…it’s kind of like forever?” I gently kissed her fingers. “Will you think about it?”
I smiled as I got up and went to the fridge for something to drink. I really was anxious to get that pad back but I was more interested in maybe having her allow me to draw her for the show and be totally okay with it.
“I would have to pose though…right?”
I could see the worry in her face. But this was a different worried look. This was not the grown woman worrying about being seen naked by a grown guy. This was the little girl praying that nobody would laugh at her nakedness.
“No…but it would be better if you did. And…” I really hated giving her this but I did want her to pose without concern. “If you don’t like what I do, I won’t use it. We can trash it together.”
Allie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She looked at me through her beet red eyes and then back at my pad. She leafed through several other pages gazing carefully at each drawing. I thought of a dozen different things to say but I wanted Allie to persuade herself without any further coercion from me. Finally she closed the pad and slid it to me.
“I need to think about this Andi. I believe what you’re saying? I just need to think a wee bit about this. Okay…?”
I smiled and nodded my head. I embraced her one more time and then took the pad back into my room. Images of Allie posing began to form in my head and I notated each one on a page in the pad. I didn’t want to lose the essence of each pose and ideas are ever so fleeting.
Over the next two days there was a marked change in Allie. She was very quite, very subdued and even somewhat withdrawn. I had an idea what was troubling her and I knew it wasn’t simply my request to pose nude. I made a commitment to confront her about the strange behavior and I was going to do it on this evening.
I decided to prepare a simple dinner for the two of us. Letting Allie know at her office, I was able to discover from Jill that she had a ‘jones’ for shrimp that day. I stopped in China Town to purchase the biggest and freshest looking prawns I could find to grill.
Then I heated up a bit of virgin olive oil and added some finely sliced fresh garlic, freshly ground peppercorns, and a touch of fresh basil. I basted the shrimp with this combination as I grilled them and used the remainder to place the shrimp in when they were done.
I also grilled sliced small red potatoes with the same dressing and surrounded the shrimp with them when they were done. For a veggie I found some baby asparagus and carrots, which steamed up in no time. Allie was bringing a bread and dessert.
Allie’s dinner table remained where I had last put it and I decided to go all out for the occasion. Out came the fine linens, Allie had shown me where they were hidden, as well as her silverware. I chose dishes that she had made and her fave crystal wine glasses. I wanted everything to be perfect down to the atmospheric candle lighting and even the silver linen rings.
When Allie arrived, I heard her go straight into the kitchen. I knew that not seeing me, or any preparations geared toward eating, she would become very curious and come to our little nook. The look of both surprise and wonder on her face was totally worth the effort.
“You are so crazy!” Allie’s smile was back to its usual sunshine visage. “What is the occasion? Did you get another raise?”
“You’re the occasion!” I laughed.
“Oh God… You’re so sweet. I mean…like… It isn’t enough for you to do the cooking. You did all of this too?” She came up to me and hugged me…warmly. “I have become very accustomed to you very quickly.” Allie rested her head on my shoulder. “But you still always manage to pleasantly surprise me.”
“Yeah… Yeah…” I giggled. “I know… I’d make someone an excellent wife.”
“Well… I don’t know about that! But you do make an excellent roommate and tenant and, most of all, a wonderful friend.”
That statement touched me…especially the friend part.
I held out Allie’s chair for her and, once she was seated, I then went to the kitchen. Thank God for her teacart. I managed to put everything onto it and quickly rolled it into our nook. I served her, and then myself starting with the white wine. I knew a glass or two would certainly make her more susceptible to what I was going to ask.
Eating dinner with Allie was always a pleasure. Even when either, or both, of our moods were off, we managed to finish whatever meal we were partaking in good spirits. I knew this had to be due to our particular chemistry. But the consistency of our ability to coexist peacefully and positively still had its mystery.
On this particular evening Allie spoke about the people in her office and how she, at one time, went out with ‘the girls’ after work every now and then. But she ceased doing so because she felt herself caught between two distinct age groups.
The early twenty something girls were going out to party and have a good time extorting free drinks out of whatever guys they happened upon. The thirties girls went out and had a bitch session about why they couldn’t seem to meet a ‘nice guy’ whilst trying to extort free drinks out of whatever guys they happened upon.
And the girls Allie’s age were either married, just divorced, or with their boy friends, in which case their drinks were free anyway. Allie felt caught because she was a bit past the bar scene but she didn’t have a steady either.
“I had always thought that girls night out was kind of a bonding thing?”
Allie laughed at my innocence.
“It’s the guys who go out and bond. Go into any sports bar and they’re more interested in the game then the girls. Now that’s a bonding experience. It’s the weirdest.”
Allie spoke with an obvious ‘been there and done that’ attitude which I couldn’t dispute.
“If you really want to see women bonding, you should go to an all male strip club. Especially if there is a bachelorette party going on.”
“What…?”
“Yeah…” Allie laughed. “That’s where anything goes and I do mean anything. What happens there stays there. Now that’s a real bonding experience.” She giggled. “Haven’t you ever been to a bachelor party?”
“No…” Sadly I hadn’t.
Well it wasn’t like I had a ton of friends anyway. I’d never even been to a strip club although I once had the opportunity…once. I didn’t go cause I chickened out. I felt uncomfortable going to see women dance naked. The very thought of what went on in those places brought the image of my mother to mind and that was enough to make me feel…ill…at the least?
“Well…the next time we have one I’ll bring you along. It’s really lot’s of fun.” Allie snickered.
I agreed. I wasn’t going to dampen Allie’s enthusiasm.
We’d finished our meal and Allie’s compliments made me feel accomplished in that I managed to change her mood radically. I began to clear off the dishes and against my scolding she helped. We readied ourselves for the desserts and coffee.
Now I was in a mood of silence and that must’ve showed. I was usually pretty good at hiding my emotions, especially with my ‘newly found’ hormonal swings, but Allie was beginning to know me too well and I was feeling way too comfortable in her presence.
I set out some lovely looking fruit tarts while Allie wheeled the cart into the kitchen. She soon returned with the freshly brewed coffee, some exotic blend she was fond of, and poured us each a mug full.
Then Allie did something quite unexpected. She moved her chair from across the table to sit adjacent to me. She sat down and took a sip of her coffee. Then she reached out and took my hand and smiled sweetly.
“You know… I don’t feel like I’m talking to some kid just out of college when I talk with you. It’s really kind of nice. You know?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well… I feel like I’m speaking with someone my own age…or maybe even a little more mature?” Allie giggled.
“Yeah… Well… I guess I kind of grew up a little too early? You know…?” I smiled.
“I really appreciated that you shared that stuff about your childhood with me. Nobody has ever been that…that personal with me before? I mean… You can’t get any more real than that. I wish other people would be more like you.”
I heard a hint of sadness in Allie’s voice. I didn’t want that. I mean the entire idea of tonight was to bring her out of whatever funk she was in.
“I’ve been thinking since the other night. You know…? When you spoke about your childhood…your mother?”
I smiled and nodded. I gazed at her hand on mine…how beautiful that image was in my mind. Allie was getting right down to it before I could even broach the topic.
“And I felt that… Well… I felt that my childhood really wasn’t so bad. I guess I felt a little bit guilty?”
I leaned forward and took her hand in mine. Allie’s hand was so warm and soft and somehow comforting to hold.
“Why should you feel guilty?” I really was curious.
“Because I guess that the difficulties I had when I was young were really nothing compared to what yours were.”
“Oh Allie…” I sighed and shook my head. “You still feel the pain of that time even today, right?” She nodded. I sensed her choking up a bit. “So who is to say who’s hurt is worse? Pain is pain and it’s all the same when we’re kids. Believe me when I say that I feel for you as much as you do for me. And that’s the benefit of four years of group therapy. No charge to you…” I giggled.
“Four years…?”
“Yeah. I was having trouble sleeping…nightmares and such. It got me a private room though.”
I laughed when I thought about that time in my life. I mean it wasn’t funny or anything. But to have your own room as a freshman in college was certainly something special. Oh my God…! The luxury of it all…! And to keep the same room for almost all four years was a miracle!!!
We shared two more tarts and were now on our second cup of coffee. Our talk was easy and ever flowing and we spoke of a number of things. Well… Allie actually spoke about a number of things. It felt so good to hear her laugh and her excitement was as totally contagious as ever. Somehow we got onto the topic of relationships.
“It’s just nice being with someone, you know? I mean… It’s kind of like being part of something other than just yourself. Something larger than yourself…”
I could almost hear Allie sigh as she spoke.
“I don’t know.”
I tried not to sound sad. In fact I wasn’t sad. I was more… Well… I simply didn’t know.
“I mean you’re the only real friend I ever had and that feels really good.”
“Oh my God baby doll… If you only knew…even just once…what a relationship was really like, it would make you crazy NOT being in one.” Allie leaned in closer to me and she just emanated excitement. “I cherish our friendship…I really do. I can truly say well…maybe you’re my best friend? But as good as this is…” She leaned back in her chair and grinned. “A relationship…let’s call it what it is…being in love is one hundred times better…a hundred times more intense…a thousand times more intense!”
Allie’s eyes rolled up and her hands shot upward like a skyrocket going off.
“I guess I haven’t met the right one yet.”
“Well… Neither have I for that matter.” Allie laughed. “But for all the grief that miserable shit Steven caused me...us...and he did cause me grief, I still…” She sighed and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I still remember those special moments with him. I cherish those moments and often they overshadow the things that were…well… less than ‘cherishable’?”
“Perishable…?” I spoke and made her laugh.
“But I’m not going to stop looking for that special guy.” She sighed again.
“Well…what are you looking for anyway?”
I was curious. I mean… What does a person look for in a…mate?
“I wish I knew!” Allie laughed. “I really believe I have to rethink this entire thing.” She looked down at our interlocked fingers and smiled. “I am too often taken by the…” She looked up at me. “…physical? I mean a hot looking guy is just so…”
Allie smiled broadly and rolled her eyes upward. She didn’t need to finish the sentence. Creamy or dreamy or even steamy didn’t need to be spoken.
“I think I know what you mean.” I said with a giggle.
I knew that feeling…that trembling of excitement. I felt that with Peter.
“I have to be careful you know.” I quickly added.
“Why?”
“Because it’s too easy and I don’t want to get…used? I mean that’s all I seem to get. Used... And I hate that feeling. Like… It goes so far and then it’s like ‘see you’ and they’re gone. I could feel that with Peter in a way. I mean… Where’s his significant other? Or am I only his flavor of the week?”
“Yeah…” Allie scrunched up her nose and frowned. “That seems to be my story as well; although they do seem to hang around for a while…like THREE YEARS!” She laughed. “Maybe you should learn a little more about women. I mean… You should be learning something from being around me anyway.”
“Not really...” I laughed. Allie looked a bit shocked. “I am learning a lot about you and that’s really okay. In fact it’s kind of amazing. And I am learning a lot about Rhona although not the same kind of thing as with you. My image… My vision of women is…well…my mother I guess?”
“Yeah… Well… That’s not a very healthy image. I’m certainly not like that.” Allie stared at me a moment. “Am I…?”
“No…! Not at all…! But I don’t know you the same way.”
I’m definitely not sure of what I meant. But I saw the look on her face and it was one of fear. ‘Does he think I’m a slut’ kind of flashed through my mind.
“And not all sexual experiences are like the one and ONLY one you had with that girl in school. It’s not healthy to simply blow off everyone when it comes to that kind of intimacy, you know? I mean the sexual thing really should be like an extension of the emotional thing.”
“It never gets that far.” Sad… But true...
Allie ‘vibed’ me and smiled sympathetically.
“Okay…lesson number one. Lean in a little closer.”
I did.
Allie put her hands on my cheeks. She leaned in and kissed me on the lips. It really wasn’t much of a kiss but our lips did touch for maybe a second or two. It was just enough time for me to close my eyes and feel the electric shock that seemed to shoot from her lips through mine and then throughout my whole body.
I felt Allie pull away…her lips no longer touching me. And yet my eyes were still closed; my lips still slightly parted.
“Andi? You can open your eyes now.” She giggled. “And please… Breath…!”
I did both. My lips were still in the same position; slightly opened. I stared at her in shock. I hadn’t expected that…that amazing sensation. I really hadn’t expected that!
“That was really nice.” She giggled.
I was speechless. I was still trying to remember to breathe!
“Now…that was kind of an extension of what I felt when we were speaking. It was the closeness…and the openness. You know…? We were talking about things that are very personal and we can do that because we feel safe with each other.”
I nodded.
“Does this mean we need get naked now?”
I must have reeked of fear. I certainly felt myself become really tense and I felt the beginnings of perspiration forming.
“No…!” Allie laughed and smiled. “It wasn’t that kind of a kiss. We really need to start your lessons on women.” She chuckled as she could visibly see me start to relax. “Did you like that kiss?”
“Like it…? Oh my God…! The sensations I felt were…intense and very frightening?”
“Frightening…? Why frightening…?” Allie leaned in toward me.
I thought for a long moment. I never felt anything like that before. Well…maybe with Peter. But this was different. Softer… Gentler… Different…
“I’m not sure. I guess I never expected to feel…” I sighed. “…to feel electricity?”
“Well then… I guess you liked it.” Allie laughed. “Well… I did too. It was very nice…more than very nice actually. Sometimes, when people speak with each other, as we did, it’s nice to have a physical connection that says; ‘yes…this is happening and this is what I feel’. And it doesn’t mean let’s hop into bed.”
I nodded.
“I see women kiss a lot.”
“Uhhh… Yeah…!”
I loved when Allie kind of sang her words as she did with ‘yeah’. I found myself copying her speech patterns because of it.
“We kiss as a thank you, a good morning, a good bye…in fact we don’t need much of an excuse.” She laughed. “But… It’s usually with another woman.”
“Why?”
“Because every time I kiss a guy, regardless of the reason, he thinks I want to fuck him.”
She broke out laughing. I understood that for sure.
“Now guys generally don’t kiss guys unless they’re gay…or European? But if they’re gay, they usually kiss for the same reasons we do. European men kiss other men and it’s no BFD. It’s just the guys here that get weird about it.”
“Does this mean I can kiss you? Are you going to kiss me again?” Allie chuckled at my total innocence. “That didn’t come out right.” I shook my head and frowned.
“Yes sweet heart...” She laughed. “As long as the context is right…okay?”
I grinned and nodded. I leaned toward her and hugged her to me.
“That’s right, it’s sort of like a hug and we do that all the time.” Allie giggles.
Allie and I spoke into the evening…yet again. It seems like whenever we would get together as kind of a date, we couldn’t find a stopping point until exhaustion set in. And it was always wonderful. There were always hugs and it was always very innocent open and…honest?
But I will never forget that first kiss. I will never forget how dynamic an effect it had upon me. In those few seconds…maybe two or three…she made me feel something I had never in my life experienced before…something both physical and spiritual.
Allie had unintentionally forced me to see her…to see us…in a new light. I guess this was something I’d been subconsciously avoiding to see. After all, it all really does begin at home.
Will Andi ever hit a homerun or always die at first base? This and so much more to follow!
Andi and Allie
Chapter 10 – So… What’s nude?
Bob Preston didn’t look anything like I would have expected and yet I knew him the moment I saw him. He arrived with Jill on Friday in the early evening. They were on their way to dinner, Jill’s treat, and stopped off to view what work I had assembled.
I hadn’t come home as of yet but Allie was there. I walked in and heard the three of them in the main room where my work was stacked against the wall.
“Hi.” I said with my biggest smile.
All three turned toward me.
“Well…” He breathed the word. “When does Andrew arrive?”
Bob spoke in a very affected manner. I was reminded of the art ‘aficionados’ my class mates would poke fun at whilst in art school. Bob’s arm and hand movements as he spoke seemed to be somewhat exaggerated as well.
He was about my height, maybe an inch or two taller but he outweighed me easily by one hundred pounds. His hair was prematurely silver although I do believe that if it wasn’t, he would have colored it so. He dressed so very preppy from his buttoned down collared seersucker shirt to the boating shoes on his sockless feet.
“Ummm… I’m Andi?” I managed to speak and smile without giggling, which, I must tell you, was a major show of self-control.
Bob quickly put the horn-rimmed glasses in his hand onto his eyes and gazed at me slack jawed. At a momentary loss for words he turned back to a work that rested on the server. Then he turned back toward me.
“Are you in transition?”
He stared at me slacked jawed as if he didn’t believe his eyes. Then he shook his head quickly and looked at another piece.
“Never mind... You did do this work?” He said as more of a statement.
“Ummm… Yeah…?”
I am so proud of the self-control I exhibited yet again. I looked toward Allie who was turning bright ruby red as she covered her mouth trying to control her very infectious giggle.
I wondered how someone who owned a gallery as prestigious as his could steal enough time to work up such a perfect tan. It, and his silver hair, contrasted wonderfully with his deep blue eyes.
“There are also some painted ceramic pieces.” Jill offered as she and Allie came to my side.
“These are quite nice.” Bob turned to me again. “Do you work in oil paints at all?”
“Uhhh… No… Not yet...”
“Do so...! Immediately...! And think size...!” Bob spoke as Allie led the way to the studio. “I can charge by the square foot.” He chuckled as he slowly sashayed toward Allie’s studio.
I hate paints! Well… Not exactly paints... I hate oils! They really smell and the spirits to thin them and clean the brushes…? Oh my God…! But I knew what he meant. There is just so large you can go with chalks and ink. I’ve seen some really large works go for sinfully extravagant prices.
Upon entering the studio, the first piece Bob laid his eyes upon was the ‘Sun’ bowl. His eyes lit up as well as his smile.
“Oh my… This IS lovely!” He said in his lilting manner of speech.
“Ummm… That one is not for the showing.”
“What…? I could get maybe seven hundred or more for that.”
Bob looked at me with the same expression of incredulity he had when he discovered that I indeed was Andrew.
“Uhhh… That one is for Allie?”
She looked at me with a shocked expression that quickly turned into a very big smile. I knew Allie loved that piece and I truly wanted her to have it from the beginning.
“Pity… Well…” Bob spoke as he nudged his glasses even lower on his tiny pug nose. “In that case I hope we become good friends.”
He continued to look at what Allie and I had set aside for display.
“What happened to Jill?” I asked.
We seemed to have lost her on our way into the studio. Allie shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. Bob took his time and carefully inspected each piece. When he had finished, he turned to me.
“Where’s your studio?”
“Well…” smiled weakly. “…I mostly work around the apartment or in my bedroom.”
“And may I see where that is.” Bob’s voice was somewhat dour.
It was a request as far as I could tell. But… Okay… Whatever… I led the way to my bedroom and that’s where we found Jill. She was holding the one piece I didn’t really want anybody, mainly Allie, to see. It was the charcoal I did of her the night she went to see Steven for the last time. Jill was sitting on the end of my bed and gazing at the piece as it rested on one of my easels.
Allie made a squeaking sound and then covered her mouth when she saw it. I should have destroyed it. Even seeing it now brought back the emotions I felt that night. I must say that I felt terribly invaded at this point. Apart and aside from my bedroom being my only private space, I felt that whatever was in that room was to be shown only at my discretion.
Whilst I didn’t mind Allie entering, and she only did so if I was present and amenable, and I always was, I wouldn’t have let anyone else in. The fact that Jill simply walked in on her own volition was…disturbing?
“I suppose this one’s not for show.” Bob spoke without turning his head away from the piece.
“No. It’s definitely not for display.” I had to control anger as I felt my face color Chianti red. “It’s… It’s an unfinished piece.”
All three of them looked at me. I was quite adamant in my tone. I even surprised Allie who looked at me questioningly. She could instantly see that something was really upsetting me.
She was more than kind enough to take my hand and lead me out and into the main room where the rest of my work was. We waited patiently. She held my hand firmly and stood against me…touching me…letting me know she was there…with me?
In a few moments Jill and Bob followed. They were speaking between themselves as they entered the room.
“Well…” Bob said in a rather blasé manner. “…I think we should show all of it. This work is very good…better then I’ve seen for a first showing in…” He gazed thoughtfully off. “… in quite some time. Have you titled any of these pieces?”
Bob reminded me of the Norman Rockwell piece of a schoolmaster I saw in a coffee table compendium of his work. With his glasses so low on his nose and his peering out over them and his belly just beginning to overlap his belt, I felt I should portray Bob in that similar fashion as a piece of Americana.
“Only the bowl...”
“That nude is…amazing. I wish I could show that.”
Jill, who had been silent till now echoed Bob’s comment.
“And that one is…what…simply…Allie?” Bob inquired.
“No... If I was to title it…I would call it ‘Pearl before Swine’.” Allie squeezed my hand just a bit and I could hear the start of a giggle perhaps?
“Speaking of swines… You really need to do something about that man.” Jill said most angrily.
I looked at Allie. I was quite surprised that she was still hearing from ‘what’s his name’...as she called him.
“It’s okay Jill. He’ll simply find someone else to…to do whatever with.”
Bob and Jill soon left to discuss the details of what needed to be done for the showing to happen. He would give me a section of wall and some display space for the ceramics. Allie, who still held my hand, dragged me back to my room after we had seen Jill and Bob out. She sat where Jill had and pulled me down next to her.
“Okay…? You want to tell me what this…” She waved her hand at the portrait. “…is about? First of all…when did you do this?” She looked at me.
“That night… You know… With what’s his name…?”
I looked down at my hands. I had pulled her hand with mine into my lap.
“Why are you hiding it? I mean…it is gorgeous.”
“No… You’re gorgeous and that’s the only way I see you.”
“Don’t change the subject on me buddy.” She smiled but she was determined to find out what was behind the work. “I want to know what was going on with you. I want to know why suddenly you did this piece.”
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is be honest. It’s not like when someone asks you if you like a mode of dress they’re employing or if you like the soup they spent hours making and you’re trying not to barf it all over the wall as you eat it.
This is deep down, soul of souls honesty and one needs to decide just how naked one wants to get; how much you trust the person you’re with. So I took a deep breath and held her hand in both of mine as I looked into her eyes.
“I was very angry that night.” Allie began to speak. “No… Please… Let me tell you first. I was angry with you and I was angry with me. When you spoke about him, I knew right away that he was married. I don’t know how but…I just knew. I wanted to tell you not to go…not to see him…that it would be bad all the way around. But I didn’t.” I felt tears coming to my eyes. “And I am so very sorry for that. I should have told you. I should have said something. But I didn’t. I am so sorry.”
I completely lost it at that point. I was so distraught, overcome and overwhelmed with guilt that I was verging on a full-blown panic attack. Allie thankfully recognized what was happening and she embraced me and began to speak softly into my ear.
“Shhh… It’s okay sweet heart. Calm yourself.” She began a soothing mantra of sorts.
She began to gently rub my back as she held me with her other arm. My face was buried in her shoulder and I could feel my tears wetting her dress. As I began to calm, Allie reached for a few tissues and handed them to me. I dampened my tears as she held me smiling so very serenely.
“Listen baby doll…” Allie said softly.
“I should have destroyed that portrait.” I sniffled and blew my nose.
“And that would have made you feel better? Everything would have been made all right? No guilt…? Listen Andi…”
Allie only called me Andi when she wanted to make a point and wanted to be sure I was listening…fully.
“If you had told me that night, I would have resented you for nosing into my affairs. AND… I would have resented you for being right. In fact I would have hated you for seeing what I was blinded to. I hope you can understand that?”
I nodded my head and I believed what she told me. What Allie said kind of made sense? I gazed down at the wet tissues in my hand.
“Then why do I feel so…bad…so guilty?”
I looked up at Allie as a tear or two began to flow again.
“Because…you’re an artist in the true sense of the word and when you see truth…” She paused and smiled for a moment. “You must express it. You did the proper thing. Trust me baby. Nothing good would have come from your telling me. And you certainly have done nothing that I need to forgive. I am really so very glad you told me about this now. You might have thought about this for God only knows how long.” Allie giggled.
She was right. And I felt so much better by telling her. I think that’s maybe why I kept her portrait. I must have known that one day it would remind me to relate what I felt and how I acted…or in this case…didn’t act…to Allie. She was so… It was so easy to tell her that I felt silly for not saying something sooner.
“I want this portrait baby doll.”
How very emphatic of her. I had to giggle…finally.
“I want you to sign the back. Title it the way you wanted to and sign it. I’m going to hang it in the cave so we can both be reminded that it’s okay for us to tell each other the truth…always. And it’s also okay for us not to listen.”
She laughed and it was slightly infectious. I caught it…a little.
I got up and went to the portrait. I carefully turned it over and, with a piece of chalk, signed it as Allie wished: ‘Pearl before Swine’…Andi. I slid it into a plastic sheet and handed the piece to her. She placed it upon my bed and stood up. Taking my face gently in her hands, she kissed me.
“Thank you Andi. Thank you so very much.” She hugged me. “What do you think about going out for dinner? Do you feel up to it?”
I felt so very drained at that moment. I felt good…but tired. Emotional outbursts do that to me. I’ve discussed my seemingly weird and unusual emotional swings with Allie. We came to the conclusion that my hormone intake was probably responsible. It seems that every little thing brings tears and sometimes the tears simply come from nothing at all. A major thing like this evening’s drama brings it all out.
But I was also hungry. I seemed to be putting on weight? I mean I always had this weight problem; not nearly enough of it that is. Now I couldn’t seem to get enough food into me. I was in danger of losing my ‘starving artist’ appearance. I guessed it was okay because I felt well enough and had more than enough energy.
So we went across town to China Town. We held each other’s arms as we strolled and for a while we walked in a comfortable silence. I think perhaps that my ‘confession’ was as trying for Allie as it was for me.
We went to a restaurant that we had frequented several times and had a very pleasant meal. The main topic of discussion was ‘our’ showing. We held hands several times over the course of the discussion. I found Allie’s touch becoming ever more comfortable each time I felt it.
When I was young, a mere child, I rarely got touched in a warm, loving, comforting or familiar manner. Touch was usually a very rough thing; it was a slap or a yank on my arm or leg. In school, at least through middle school, a touch was usually a punch or a kick or something of that sort.
This is not to say that I never received a hug or a kiss or some form of familiar touch. But those moments were all too rare and very often left me tense and anxious. Even after I began living with Allie initially, her habit of touching and hugging and even her cheek kisses took some time to become accustomed to. Now her touch was a source of warmth, a degree of comfort and, dare I say it…pleasure?
The next several weeks proved to be extremely busy and trying. Work was becoming quite pressured with the design of the packaging and Peter was given yet another large project for a potential client. I was in the midst of it all and the hours began to evaporate at a faster rate than ever.
Of course there were moments of extreme amusement. My sitting with Rhona for several minutes whilst having my morning coffee became more than a habit; it was a ritual. One morning I sat with her and we were discussing Lord knows what…something that I’m sure was quite trivial…when suddenly she whips out a nail file and begins to work away on a slightly broken nail tip. I looked at my nails out of habit and saw one nail that was perhaps a hair’s breath too long. So… The very next day I had my very own nail file to whip out and file away as well.
Suddenly Peter walks into the office and sees the two of us talking and filing away. He stood in the doorway with a bemused expression on his face. Neither of us noticed him at first so he could have been standing there for several minutes. I had my back to him and I was so intent on what I was doing. It wasn’t until Rhona finally looked up, saw him, and greeted him that I realized what I’d been caught doing.
“Good morning boss.”
Rhona spoke in a nonchalant manner as though this was an everyday occurrence. I, however, nearly jumped off my chair I was so startled and…embarrassed.
“Good morning ladies.”
Peter said with in an off-handed manner. He chuckled and walked to his office. Needless to say, I let Rhona bring him his coffee.
I understood how people could accept what saw when they looked at me. After all, I made no attempt to necessarily hide any sign of…maleness? I was merely conforming to a mental image. But when Peter addressed us as ‘ladies’, he spoke so casually, so easily, so totally normally that I took more than a moment to ponder the big question. Where was Andrew and did I really even care?
I usually wore a bra, now I had several sets of matching bras and panties, on weekends and days off. I had even taken to gluing my ‘boobs’ on with Allie’s assistance in which case they stayed on from Friday night till Sunday night.
But the ‘B’ cup size was too large, in my minds eye, to wear during the working week. So I bought myself a set of ‘A’ cup boobs. I would wear those during the week and even at work. They weren’t nearly as noticeable and, with a suit jacket on, and hunching my shoulders slightly, I felt more at ease with them on.
After all, I wasn’t looking for attention. I was pursuing that image in my mind; working on a work in progress. The world, or at least my little world, was adjusting quite well to my brand of performance art?
Allie and I were invited to Jill’s apartment for dinner one night. Aside from the social aspect of the invite, we were going to discuss a few of the details of our showing. Of course other issues arose.
Jill lived on East Fifty-Sixth Street between First Avenue and York Avenue. She owned a lovely three-bedroom apartment on the upper floor of a high rise. A doorman opened the door to the rather unassuming lobby and called up to Jill to announce our arrival. Evidential he knew Allie and addressed her by name. It was the first time I’d heard her called Ms. Morris. It was the first time I was called ‘and friend’.
We rode the wood paneled elevator up to Jill’s floor in comfortable silence. I was somewhat nervous and Jill held my hand. This was my…our first ‘dinner party’ invite…of sorts? Jill opened the door and she stared at us with a sly smile on her face, she spoke.
“Don’t tell me. You two are now an item?” She chuckled.
“What?” I said instinctively.
Allie and I were still holding hands. But really…? I looked at Allie who giggled.
“Just really close friends... Why…? Are you starting rumors again?” Allie said.
“What do you mean again? I’ve never stopped!” Jill laughed and stood aside bidding us enter. “By the way Andi… You look amazing. Simply gorgeous…”
I blushed a shade of auburn and smiled coyly. I did make an extra attempt to look nice. I even did my dramatic ‘evening look’ with some help from Allie. After all, I now was ‘uptown’.
Jill’s apartment was a mini museum of art. The walls were covered with works in various mediums and where ever there was a book shelf or a table, ceramics and various other pieces including constructions, some of which occupied an entire corner, could be found. I immediately began to look at every single thing I could lay my eyes upon.
Even Jill’s assortment of furniture appeared to be either antique, or inventive, which made for an eclectic setting. I found a stack of lawyer’s bookcases and they contained what could only be first editions of various writers. The volumes comprised several languages and some of the tomes were leather bound and of obvious age.
I could hear Allie and Jill conversing but I was so focused on what I was doing that when Allie approached me with a glass of white wine, she needed to touch my arm with the chilled glass to capture my attention. When we sat down at the dining room table, I was still casting my gaze all around at pieces I wanted to examine. I did notice an empty space between two oils.
“Oh that, my dear Andi, is where my fee from you will rest. You did read what I sent you before you signed it, didn’t you?” Jill chuckled when I turned bright fire engine red and shook my head.
“Allie said you would be fair and honest. So I simply signed the thing.”
“Ah ha…! Now you can blame her for any misunderstanding we might have.” Jill chuckled wryly.
“Of course!” I laughed as I gazed at Allie.
I reached for her hand almost instinctively and she gave it to me. We touched fingertips for a moment.
“What is it with you two?” Jill inquired without a smile this time.
“Andi does that when he’s nervous.” Allie shrugged and smiled. “Anyway, he has lovely hands and they’re nice to hold.” She giggled as she looked at me.
“Whatever… So let’s talk a little about the showing. It will be in early December so we must get a mailing together as soon as possible. If Bob does it he will charge a fortune so we must take care of that ourselves.” Turning to me, Jill spoke again. “Make a list of everybody you know. Include teachers you’ve had, classmates, of course the people at work.”
Jill went on and on and on about what needed to be done. Thankfully Allie was paying extremely close attention because I was lost in a dreamland of sorts. I was sort of mesmerized by Allie; the way she looked when she listened with her head cocked slightly to one side and how she smiled and nodded with her brand of exuberance. I was just getting to the part of what it would be like to be naked next to her when a discordant phrase caught my ear.
“What?”
“Well dear, now that you’ve chosen to join us again…” Jill smiled impishly. “I was simply saying that Bob thought it best to advertise the showing as ‘Andi’ and not Andrew… Whatever is your family name anyway?”
I guess I hadn’t told Jill.
“Anyway… Bob felt that the show should be your artwork and not you. He felt it best to simply use Andi and no family name since that seems to be the way you sign your work anyway.”
“Oh I don’t care about that. What about Allie though? I mean… Her work is showing as well. Can’t it be Andi and Allie or something?” Allie laughed and clutched my hand.
“You are sweet Andi but then why not give some space for whoever manufactured your pens and inks? It’s really your work and your show. I’m just happy to have you use some of my pieces.” Allie said sweetly.
“Are you two sleeping together or something?”
“Jill…!” We almost spoke simultaneously.
“Well… Why not…?”
“Listen Jill… We’re just really good friends. And that’s all.” Allie was quite emphatic although she did need to suppress a giggle.
Once we got past the showing talk, the conversation really became quite lively and animated. Jill, as I was to learn, was a marvelous hostess. She never let an opportunity pass by where a compliment could be imparted and she even began to see me in a different light as I opened up a bit. At first I found her to be intimidating but that changed when I realized that she was simply full of life and considered every moment a blessing.
When she realized how close the relationship between Allie and me was, Jill began to treat me in a similar manner; kind of like an adult child…her child. I must admit it took a while to become accustomed to this but after some time I became very comfortable with her ways. When the evening finally ended, we even hugged and kissed goodbye.
During the cab ride home Allie and I held hands. We were doing so more and more; maintaining that comfortable physical contact when we were out and about town together. Even in the apartment we would touch every so often and I always felt an energy that seemed to pass between us.
Odd as it may seem, I also found myself doing something quite similar with Rhona. I would touch her hand when we spoke or she would grasp my wrist. On occasion she would fuss a bit with my hair or I would adjust her blouse.
It was such an odd thing when I would think about it. Then one day I simply stopped thinking about it and accepted these mannerisms as something close friends did. It never occurred to me that it was usually close friends who were women.
The weekend came around and Allie decided to go out with ‘the girls’ from her office. She had asked me to come along but I felt too intimidated about going out with a group of women I didn’t know. I didn’t tell her that. I told her that I needed to work on a piece that I had in mind. I was still at work when she returned in the wee hours of the morning.
Could things be heating up between Andi and Allie? Or have we heard that crap before? Be sure to catch the next commercial free chapter of ‘Andi and Allie’!
Andi and Allie Chapter 11
“Something old…something nude…something broken… eyes black and blue…”
Saturday morning came with us both sleeping in. We brunched in and spent a better part of the day in Allie’s studio. Allie was throwing on her wheel and I was painting on her bisque fired pieces. We finally broke from working around five and decided to go out for dinner.
It was the first cool night since summer ended and fall beset us. Being tired, we seemed we separately came to the decision of casual dress for the evening. So after a wonderfully refreshing shower, I chose one of the bra and panty sets Allie had originally gotten me and went ‘large’ with my ‘B’ forms.
I finally had a chance to wear my pink sweatshirt with the rose colored beaded swirling pattern on the front. I had my pair of lower rider jeans that flared slightly and had a nice beaded pattern on the back pockets. Lightweight woolen knee socks and penny loafers completed my attire.
I put on a simple gold necklace, a pair of small hoop earrings and a pair of antique gold glass beaded drop earrings. A ring on each hand and a bracelet that matched my necklace completed my jewelry for the evening. My cosmetic choice for the evening was very light. A touch of brick red blush, a bit of mascara, and a long lasting port red stain lipstick under clear gloss completed my look.
Allie was equally as casual. She always looked amazing regardless of what she wore. She didn’t bother much with her hair and her naturally large curls cascaded down past her shoulders. I loved the manner in which her face was framed by her golden locks. She had an angelic look. She also went very light on her makeup with only mascara and a bit of berry red lipstick. Her cheeks seemed to have their very own natural peach blush.
We were dressed comparably. Allie wore a powder blue sweatshirt with electric blue beading across the breast in a wave pattern. She also wore low riders that had the fashionably worn and ‘properly’ faded look in the correct locations. She decided upon sneakers choosing total comfort.
Allie generally wasn’t a jewelry person but she did love her rings and several adorned the fingers on both of her hands. In her ears she had one pair of medium sized gold hoops.
We dined at one of our usual spots. The décor wasn’t anything exceptional but many of the locals ate there. The food was not fancy but quite good and the pricing was very easy for our neighborhood, which tended to be a bit on the high side.
Allie was quiet and a bit withdrawn. She didn’t speak much during the meal. Even the glass of wine didn’t loosen her up at all. I more than made up for her silence by being a little chatterbox. I even managed a joke or two that did bring a smile to her face.
I didn’t want to push her by asking what was going on. We knew each other well enough that she would tell me in due time. I did reach across the table to grasp Allie's fingers with mine letting her know that ‘I’m here when you’re ready to talk’.
As we began our walk home, Allie put her arm around my waist. I was quite surprised and looked at her. She gazed downward, simply shrugged her shoulders and smiled coyly. I thought I saw a bit of a candy red bloom rise in her cheeks. So I put my arm around her waist and we strolled along amongst the Saturday night crowd that came to gallery hop and party a bit.
Whilst it wasn’t unusual to see two people with their arms about one another, we did capture a glance or two. This certainly marked a new enhancement in our relationship. Maybe it was simply my odd perception but I seemed to notice every little thing...about us.
This was all so new to me. I never walked holding anyone’s hand before Allie came into my life let alone holding a woman’s waist. Allie even laid her head against me several times and I kind of laid my head atop hers.
It was quite nice…perhaps even a bit romantic. Whilst I didn’t put any extra meaning in these things, I certainly took notice. Each little act of endearment, each little…’favor’, seemed to be adding up to something more. Allie’s quiet demeanor continued but I thought little of it in the light of this new physical endearment.
When we arrived home, Allie went to her bedroom without as much as a word. I was kind of shocked. We always at least had a cup of tea or something and maybe watched the television for a bit. So I went to my room, got undressed and into something a bit more comfy. I sat at my drawing table and…well…I drew.
About twenty minutes later Allie came to my door. She was wearing a mauve colored silk robe with a rose bloom pattern. The roses had a bit more blue in the red making them more toward an amethyst color. The collar was a solid darker mauve and it was tied with a dark mauve belt. The robe fell to mid-calf. With her face framed by her glorious golden locks being contrasted by the robe's color, Allie looked quite enchanting.
“Okay… Bring your easel. I think I’m ready.”
Allie couldn’t look at me. She cast her gaze downward and to the side. Her smile was quite demure and she did blush a lovely shade of maroon quite profusely.
“Ummm… Okay… Where should I bring it?”
I was at a loss for what was going on with her.
“The cave of course…”
She spoke as she turned her back and walked off toward the television room.
I followed Allie a few moments later and saw that she had placed a blanket upon the couch and placed a few tea candles around the room making it appear more…intimate? I still had no idea of what was on her mind. I can be so clueless in the face of reality. I set up my easel and my chalks and then I noticed Allie had loosened the tie to her robe and it had fallen open. She was nude beneath it except for the panty she wore.
So many thoughts came to me in moments and they all culminated with only two; how brave and courageous Allie was and how very much she must have trusted me. Now it was up to me to do her justice. I stood gazing at her for a moment or two and a tear came to my eyes. The way the light from the tea candles struck her face and robed body was so very amazing and dramatic. She looked so...beautiful.
I was especially interested in the expression on her face. She had this look of fear and embarrassment as she stood there with her eyes failing to meet mine. Her hands were crossed in front of her hiding her crotch and boobs. Allie then turned her back and began to remove her robe and I stopped her.
“Wait sweet heart. I would like you on the couch. Leave your robe on for the moment.” I said as I wiped away my tears with my hands.
I had Allie sit on the couch with her legs up and bent in front of her. I wanted to see her three quarter view. Once I placed her, I began to draw the robe down off her shoulders until her breasts were exposed to just above her nipples. I was as careful as I could be in trying to make the drape of her robe’s collar seem as if it naturally fell.
“Would you like something to drink? This will take a while. Maybe a little wine…?”
Allie nodded her head so I went quickly to the kitchen and got a bottle we had started the other night. Instead of bringing a wine glass, I went to the studio and retrieved two mugs that I had painted and poured the wine into that. Allie looked at me questioningly.
“If the portrait sells, so will the mug!” I grinned.
I set the second one upon the table. I could create a mystery by including it in the piece. 'Who was the other mug for?' Perhaps they'd both sell with the work.
“You are so tricky!” She giggled.
Though I was glad Allie’s mood had lightened, but I didn’t want to lose her pensive and anxious expression. So I lowered her robe just a little bit more and sure enough that expression returned. I dimmed some of the lighting and brought two of the tea candles closer to affect the mood I wanted to capture.
Most models I’d used in school were paid to sit and pose. They were allowed certain freedoms and therefore could sit for a period of time. I wasn’t going to inflict Allie with an extended sitting.
What I needed to do was sketch the position, work mostly on her expression, and then move on to another pose. I felt that as long as I had the basic body and face and the manner in which the robe draped her, I could do the rest at a later date.
And so we began. I began with her gazing at the mug of wine, staring off into the distance, and looking intently in the opposite direction that her body was posed. I knew that once I had these studies, I could even determine what medium I would use later. How the light worked on her face and torso would help determine that as well.
We did several sketches of her reclined with the robe still on and then we came to the big moment. By then Allie had sipped her way through a mug and a half of wine and was feeling a lot more relaxed.
Now the mood of the portraits would change to one of…sensuality? I needed to show the sensuality that I saw in Allie…that very ‘walking anatomical invitation’ thingy of hers? Her eyes would need to glow and her ever inviting mouth would need to ‘pop out’ beyond the rest of her pose.
“Do I need to take off my panty?”
I could see the worry in Allie’s face. I thought the question really was; ‘Are you going to show my vagina?’ Her face turned flame red.
“It won’t be necessary.” I smiled gently.
I wasn’t sure of what exactly I wanted to portray. I mean…did she shave there and was her vagina really a necessary detail? I think that at the time, her comfort was more important than detail. After all, I didn’t portray facts; I portrayed truth…or at least truth as I saw it.
I did several sketches of Allie reclining with the robe in various positions from draped around her shoulders to covering only the most ‘delicate’ parts of her body with her breasts and torso mostly exposed. Finally I did two with the robe completely off.
When she first removed the robe completely, I was amazed at how Allie’s curves translated from a dressed state to one of complete…well…almost complete nudity. Her curves, especially her waist and hips, were far more pronounced than even I imagined. And the manner in which her breasts hung was way different. Where I imagined a bit more sagging I discovered a lot more firmness and fullness.
I felt, for the first time since meeting her, the nearly overwhelming desire to gently run my fingertips along those luscious curves. I desired to trace every line in her body with my palm. I wanted to glide my fingertips from her shoulders downward to the small of her back and then up the incline of her rump and downward once again across the back of her thighs to her feet.
Being so intimately close with Allie, certainly the closest I’d ever been to anyone before, I was able to take in her aroma. I loved her scent, her cologne, but there was something else present; the fragrance of her body. I didn’t know exactly what it was, or how to describe it other than to say I became somewhat intoxicated. This was something that has never happened before…with a woman…and certainly never to that extent with a man!
That experience…Allie’s body’s natural aroma…stayed with me ever since that evening. I felt so very compelled to recapture that moment, that intoxicating high, that I did something I considered at the time to be perverse and downright weird. I was doing our laundry one day. I thought Allie was out at the time and I simply couldn’t resist the impulse.
I had filled the deep sink with water and put in very mild soap. I began to take both our panties and bras from the basket. I lifted one of her panties up to my nose and deeply inhaled. The scent of her cologne hit me immediately but that of her body was hardly noticeable. I then put my nose against the gusset of the garment. The scent was more noticeable but still not quite as strong as what I imagined.
Although I had gone and sniffed each of her delicate pieces, bras as well as panties, that discernible aroma was woefully weak while her cologne was much so much stronger in comparison. I was perplexed to say the least. I sniffed my own delicates and, much to my dismay, they did smell a bit funky. Why hers were so much less…funky...so very devoid of her womanly aroma?
Anyway… Wouldn’t you know it…I got caught! I made a habit of the sniffing thing each time I did our laundry. Well…there I am…in mid sniff…and Allie walks in! She’d been in her room the entire time napping.
“What are you doing!” She screamed.
I shrieked and jumped.
Allie’s expression was not one of peaceful tranquility. She was out right angry complete with burgundy red face, squinty eyes and lips snow white from being pressed together. Her hands on her hips and her stance alone were enough to frighten the meek...being me. I nearly had a heart attack! I certainly felt the palpitations!!! I nearly fainted with shock and embarrassment.
“Gotcha…!”
Allie suddenly…and thankfully…burst out laughing. She walked over to where I was shaking like a leaf.
“What’s the matter baby? You don’t look so well.”
She giggled and was on the verge of laughing again. Rummaging around in the undies basket, Allie picked up a pair of my panties and brought it to her nose. She inhaled deeply and suddenly smiled with a stupefied expression on her face.
“A little weak but…well…any port in a storm?” She laughed again.
Now I was totally at a loss for words. I had just been given the closest thing to a heart attack ever…for sniffing her panties…and Allie was standing there sniffing mine.
‘It’s okay baby doll.” Allie could see my discomfort and confusion. “It’s a normal curiosity as long as you don’t go around trying to do it randomly with the girls still wearing them.” She laughed again. “Although I must tell you I have done it with the guys still in them. So…” Allie reached out to caress my cheek tenderly. “Did I pass the sniff test?” She smiled warmly and chuckled.
“I…” I had to clear my throat and take a deep breath. “Well… They smell mostly of your cologne?”
“Oh…” Allie kind of sighed. She suddenly turned around and removed her panty from beneath her robe. “Here… Try these. I put them on a while ago.” She held them up to my nose. “They’re still warm and I didn’t use a panty liner.”
I took them from her hand whilst thinking; a ‘panty what’? I held them to my nose and inhaled deeply…too deeply! The aroma was strong…very, very strong…and strangely arousing. Allie giggled as my eyes fluttered and I felt my head just…I don’t even know what…just seemed to spin?
“Yeah…” She giggled. “That’s much better I guess.”
Fortunately Allie was near me because I actually did lose my balance for a moment.
Whilst the scent of her perfume, this time, was strong, so was the scent of her vagina. This actually was the first time I ever smelled the scent of one that was healthy and clean? I actually got a stiffie, an absolute rarity by my standards. I mean… I have felt aroused but mostly it was a more…cerebral experience? There would be a tingling in my dick. But nothing such as what I experienced now.
Okay, I did get a chubby from time to time and they were mainly shower experiences with me thinking of sucking someone’s dick, usually Peter's, or something. I never got one thinking about women and this reaction was something totally different…and wonderful. I was to view Allie in an entirely new way. I was also to view myself in an entirely new way; as a bisexual…maybe?
Allie left me that panty to ‘enjoy’ with the promise to wash it when I was finished? She also began a practice of leaving me a little ‘surprise’ in her things; like maybe one pair that had gone without a panty shield for several hours or for the day.
As she explained it, the pad kept the panty from developing stains that might require a stronger soap and therefore preserved the life of a costly…a very, very costly…garment. I adopted the very same practice. After all, we did buy similarly costly things.
I began working feverishly with the sketches I doing and I understood why Bob suggested I get back into paints. Three of the pieces, the ones with Allie’s shoulders bare shoulders exposed, worked well with chalks and charcoals. But the total nudes simply wouldn’t have the look and texture I desired. They were, in my mind’s eye, simply nudes. I couldn’t quite get the contrasts between light and dark that I sought and the textures weren’t working for me.
I thought about acrylics and temperas, watercolors and several techniques including airbrush. But deep within me I knew that only oils could produce the more ‘classic’ look I desired, and I thought Allie deserved. So I was off to Canal Street to buy a full array of what I would need including pre-stretched canvases.
My next challenge was finding a place to work with the oils. All art studios have an odor. Allie’s smelled of the earth…her clays and glazes. Even my inks and chalks had a scent. Though not unpleasant, the amount of time spent in the air was minimal and the odor not very strong at all.
Oils, however, stank! And the spirits to thin or remove the paint stank even more. I would find myself nauseated, and with a headache, after being around oils for any length of time. And then the ‘drying’ time for the paints to harden was lengthy. So working in my bedroom, or anywhere else in the open apartment, was out of the question.
After speaking with Allie about my situation, she offered one of the spare bedrooms as a studio space. I couldn’t believe her generosity and I offered to pay her additional money as rent. She blatantly refused but did insist that I have a very strong ventilator installed to take care of the fumes. And so, with a hooded vent and an industrial strength exhaust fan, I began working on my nudes.
Time was growing short as November came and mostly went. I worked feverishly and lengthy hours to try and complete three poses that captured my imagination. I would arrive home straight from work, change clothing, and go into the studio. Then I would work almost non-stop till exhaustion overtook me.
Poor Allie bore the weight of my absence in the form of boredom. Her ‘partner in crime’ was doing time at hard labor. My sweet heart would often bring me dinner in the studio and stay with me whilst I ate. On occasion she could even drag me out into the kitchen where we’d sit at the counter and enjoy dinner, and each other, for a short while.
Finally, after nearly six weeks, I had three portraits and several other nudes that I was modestly okay with. My ‘perfect’ manicure was back again…thankfully. I missed having my nails to fuss over. And life returned to nearly normal. Oh…there was still all the preparation necessary for the showing but the big pressures were gone. The mailing went out weeks ago and the matting and framing process was well under way.
Allie, in celebration of having her ‘roommate’ back, decided to take me out for dinner. I wanted nothing fancy or particularly special. I was actually somewhat exhausted and a simple meal would have sufficed. We decided to meet in front of our building. I was running a little bit late so Allie had a few minutes to deposit her daily burdens and change into something a bit more comfortable.
When I finally turned the corner, I saw Allie having a rather animated discussion with some guy. He was fairly large and fairly upset about something. But so was Allie. I couldn’t hear anything except Allie’s voice, which was muddled amidst the city noise. The guy suddenly grabbed her arm and began pulling her.
I rushed across the street as quickly as I could and ran up to them. I shouted for him to stop hurting her and tried to shove him away. A bright and blinding flash of light exploded and that was the last thing I remembered until I woke up in a hospital bed.
I opened my eyes and tried to look around but the room was very dimly lighted. I could see an IV bag hanging from a pole and traced the tubing down into my arm. I tried to speak but it was difficult to move my mouth. My throat was very dry and I really couldn’t seem to feel much of anything except for an intense headache.
I was on my back so I attempted to get up on my elbows. It was not a very wise decision. I felt so dizzy and weak. And there seemed to be something wrong with my vision. I did manage to catch a glimpse of Allie curled up in a chair with a pillow and a blanket. I do remember softly moaning and easing myself back down.
Suddenly Jill came into my line of sight. She was smiling as she leaned over me and softly stroked my cheek. I couldn’t feel her touch. I looked up at her and a tear fell from my eye. She dabbed at it with a tissue. I tried to speak but my mouth simply wouldn’t cooperate. I mouthed the words ‘what happened?’
“Evidently…? Steven happened.” Jill’s face tightened and her lips were chalk white with anger. “I hear you were quite the hero…or should I say heroine?” She chuckled softly.
With my hand, I tried to feel my face. Jill quickly took my hand and held it.
“You have a fractured cheek bone and your nose was broken. There’s a bandage over your nose so don’t try touching it right now.” She smiled sympathetically.
I freaked! I began to cry. I wanted to see the damage. Less than two weeks before the showing and I’m a total mess.
“Please darling. Don’t try to move too much. You also got a nasty crack on your head when you hit the pavement and you needed several stitches.”
Oh my God…! I had visions of a bald spot where I was stitched. This kept getting better by the minute. I had to pee. I reached down beneath the blanket only to discover there was a tube in my dick? O…M…G…! That was it! I needed either to leave this place or receive some serious sedation! I had enough issues without having to deal with a tube in my dick.
Jill tried her best to comfort and quiet me but I would have none of it. I cried and shook my head from side to side. It wasn’t until Allie appeared in my line of sight that I at least stopped trying to thrash around. As her face came into focus I tried to smile and she smiled back at me.
I mouthed the word ‘thirsty’. My mouth felt so very dry. This was, no doubt, the result of whatever painkillers were whizzing around my system. Allie first came to the other side of my bed and bent over to embrace me. My arms seemed to have a mind of their own as they encircled her and held fast. She smiled down at me and dabbed my tears away with a tissue.
Jill was kind enough to furnish me with a cup of water…and, thankfully, a straw. Once I was able to will one arm off of Allie, I took the cup as Jill elevated my head to take a sip. I would have preferred wine but… Allie stood and brought a chair close to the bed and sat down as she took my free hand in both of hers. Tears came to her eyes.
“I am so happy you’re awake now. I got so scared when your head hit the ground and you didn’t move. I thought you were…”
Poor Allie burst into tears. She couldn’t complete her thought although she didn’t need to. I took another sip of water.
“I’m happy to see you too…both of you.” I croaked as I smiled though my tears.
“Do you remember what happened?” Jill asked as she bent over so that I could see her more easily.
“I don’t remember anything after…” I had to pause and think of what I did remember last. “I don’t remember anything other than I was nearly home and I saw Allie. What time is it? Why is it so dark in here?” I turned to Allie. “Can you turn on a light or something?”
“No sweet heart… You have a concussion and we were told to keep the room dim. It’s Thursday afternoon.”
“How long have I been in here?”
I was totally clueless. I didn’t remember when this all occurred.
Allie and Jill looked at one another in surprise. Then Allie turned to me and, with a gentle smile, related the entire event that led to this result. I honestly couldn’t recall a single thing, which disturbed all of us. But what was really troublesome was my vision! I was having a problem seeing clearly and, for someone in my profession, this was definitely not good…majorly!
Allie and I were finally able to convince Jill to go home and get some rest. I am ever thankful that she came even though it was probably Allie’s need that brought her. Allie, on the other hand, wouldn’t leave. She insisted upon staying as long as I was unable to do for myself.
In truth, I was very glad to have her with me. Simply knowing that she was in the room gave me such a secure feeling. At one point I must have fallen asleep because when I did awaken, Allie’s head was tucked into my side. She had also nodded out sitting in the chair. I found the sound of her very gentle snoring, almost a purring sound, to be very calming?
As whacked out and out or sorts as I was, an inspiration hit me with the impact of a tsunami! Literally my entire physical being trembled with excitement which, of course, gave me a headache, as I saw Allie’s sweet expression of total peace and calm…and serenity.
The painting would be in oils and very dark; her dressed and asleep as I saw her now; her face so sweet and angelic. Only her face would have any real light and then would center upon her closed eyes and slightly parted lips.
Finally a doctor came along to inspect my mortal remains. She promptly explained away all the various symptoms and perceived defects I could list as being the results of having a moving object hit an inanimate one and then having the same inanimate object be the subject of a nasty thwacking on something a wee bit harder…and even more inanimate.
The good doctor prodded and poked me a bit and flashed an un-Godly bright light into my eyes. I was told to remain prone, calm, and in near darkness for the remainder of the day and perhaps I would be set free tomorrow. I was cautioned that this state of dim lighting and having bedrest would need to exist through the weekend at least and that was providing my physical condition didn’t deteriorate.
Allie remained with me the entire time as a procession of visitors began to arrive after dinner. Peter was first. He was most concerned about my condition and very upset over the events that had occurred. He sat opposite Allie and held my hand in his and I could see a tear or two well up in his eyes but he managed to maintain his composure.
Peter offered whatever I might need to recover including having a private nurse whilst I was at home. He kissed me on the lips upon leaving and I hugged him and thanked him. I caught a rather odd look from Allie when that happened.
Rhona entered the room next. She was quite horrified at the condition of my face…thank you very much Rhona…but Allie assured her that all would be as before thanks to the medical treatment I received. Rhona made a list of all the gossip and news we normally shared over coffee in the morning and proceeded to hold forth on each one.
She was good for two giggles, a laugh, and one of those eyebrow-raising moments. Her PEV, pure entertainment value, was four stars…at least! She also kissed me on the lips upon departure and I hugged her as well.
Two of my fellow artists arrived as Rhona was leaving and they sat with us for a bit. They were quite upset. They thought the incident was somehow related to my different idea of how the well-dressed guy should look. Somehow this also got tied into the notion that perhaps it was an anti-gay incident and the Federal authorities should be notified. Allie managed to appease them with the truth; it was a simple ‘domestic disturbance’ that got way out of hand and never should have happened.
Both of them made apologies for the rest of the staff not coming and I understood because I was rapidly tiring anyway. Again kisses and hugs preceded their departure. I now found myself surrounded with an array of flora that would rival the botanical gardens across the river.
Peter, always the sensualist, had the decency to bring dark chocolates…bless his heart! And so upon the departure of all my visitors, Allie and I sampled more than a fair share. I was forced to let the little darlings melt in my mouth. I felt quite a sharp pain trying to bite into one.
Somewhere around ten in the evening I felt the need to at least sit up. I was beginning to feel quite sore from being prone for so long. Allie called for the nurse and we got permission to give it a try. Each took me by an arm and assisted me in first sitting, and then in swinging my legs over the side of the bed.
At that point I needed to have the tube taken out of my dick. It not only unnerved me to have this device located where it was, but I was determined not to have to make like a cat and pee in a ‘box’ every time I needed to go.
This was not a precise and delicate procedure by any stretch of the imagination! The nurse simply grasped the damned thing and yanked it out with one swift motion. It was out and gone before I could scream! I must admit that my dick hurt for the next two days whenever I peed.
Having Allie help me to the toilet was another exercise in humility. She even assisted me with seating and patiently waited while I did had finished my ‘tinkling’ thingy. By the time she assisted me back I was dizzy once again and ready to get back down into the bed.
The nurse came by and gave me a sleeping pill that wasn’t really necessary. I was already tired enough to close my eyes between the visitors and the trip to the bathroom. I took it anyway and I closed my eyes as Allie bent over and kissed my forehead. That should have brought back a flood of childhood memories but it didn’t because those memories simply didn’t exist.
I woke up briefly sometime in the middle of the night. Allie was still in her chair at my bedside. She had covered herself with a hospital blanket, leaned onto the bed at my side, and fallen into a very deep sleep. Her face was towards me and I could see the vision I had earlier in the day. I gently placed my hand upon her back. She opened her eyes for a mere moment, smiled, and went back to sleep.
The next day I was released with the proviso that I ‘lay low’ for the next few days. The packing was removed from within my nose and everything looked good from a medical standpoint. Allie had brought clothing for me to wear when suddenly I remembered how I was dressed the other evening including my fake boobs!
Whilst assisting me in dressing, I asked about that. Allie had the presence of mind to at least remove my bra off as well as the boobs before anyone came to my aid. As she assisted me on with my panty, I still had some dizziness, especially when bending over, I realized she might have snuck a peak at my dick?
“Of course I did!” Allie laughed. “And I also played with it for a while.”
The more horrified my expression became, the harder Allie laughed.
“And then… I climbed on top of it and really had a wonderful time. You should have been there for it.”
At that point I knew she was fooling around with me. But Allie kept that sly expression on her face the rest of the time she assisted me so I never really knew at what point of her little tale reality fled and fantasy began.
Allie bought the largest set of sunglasses she could find to protect my eyes from the bright light of day. Then it was into the wheelchair and down and out into the street. I cannot tell you how much better I instantly felt to be free and rid of everything to do with my medical experience.
Back at the apartment, Allie set me up in the cave. Because it was windowless, she was able to keep the lighting dim and, being next to the kitchen, food and such was not far away. I was thankful for the oversized sunglasses even if they made a horrid fashion statement.
Once again she assisted me changing into something more comfortable; a sleeping tee and a robe. A blanket was provided in the event I became chilled or I wanted to sleep. Now I finally felt well enough to ask Allie some of the details beginning with Steven’s current location.
“Well…? He violated an order of protection.”
“You had an order of protection against him?”
This was surprising news to me.
“Yeah…it was Jill’s doing. He became such a pest at work that she took the message logs to a judge friend of hers, along with me, and we were able to get one. So… He’s charged with two counts of assault, two counts of felonious assault, two counts of battery, one count of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.” Allie giggled as she attempted to recount all the charges she was told.
“Oh my God…!” I sat there stunned at how quickly these things amplify.
“Yeah…and that’s on top of the order of protection violation. He’s in very deep poopie shit. And not only that!” Allie’s face was alighted with excitement. “Jill and Peter called everybody they knew in the justice system trying to get the death penalty or something.” She laughed.
“Oh my God…! It must really suck to be him today!”
I giggled guiltily because I really don’t like to see anybody get into so much trouble of their own doing.
“Wait… Wait… It gets even better!” Allie patted my knees with her excitement. “Apparently Steven’s wife took the kids, the furniture, the bank accounts and left him! This wasn’t the first time she caught him! So he’s stuck with a legal aid lawyer on top of everything. He is going to jail! That miserable shit...!”
Allie looked so self-satisfied and I couldn’t blame her at all. What he did to her with his deception was unconscionable and what he did to his wife and kids was unforgivable; especially since this wasn’t the first time.
I know people cheat all the time. But I can’t understand why. It seems so incredibly difficult to successfully have even one relationship. How in the world can anybody expect to have two or three going at the same time? And too destroy the trust and confidence others build up in them. I remembered how pained Allie felt for some time after discovering his betrayal. I had to giggle when I remembered the picture she sent to his wife on his phone.
Toward the evening I remembered the painting I wanted to do and I asked Allie to help me set up the easel and a few chalks in the cave. I wanted to at least get the stretch down on paper so that once I could deal with the light I would be a bit ahead.
So we sat together, Allie reading as I sketched. She ordered in food and we ate in the cave as we each did our own thing. It was a very easy and comfortable evening. Allie fell asleep as she laid reading with her feet on my lap.
I looked over at her and…I don’t know…something in me desired lying next to her, perhaps with her head on my breast and my arm around her. I felt strange having such a desire but I also felt longing and that was something new.
When I reached a good stopping point, I carefully got up off the couch being very careful not to disturb Allie. I covered her with the blanket she had left for me and I quietly went to my bedroom and into the bathroom. I looked into the mirror and sadly shook my head. I looked like a raccoon complete with black-banded eyes.
What was even worse, my nose looked like it would be nearly the same. They had the chance to change it, to ‘fix’ it, but I was not available to make the request. I guess you sometimes just can’t win.
Will Allie hide forever beneath the protection of Andie's projecting proboscis? Will Andie forever learn not to sneeze when she's there? And what about Bob? The answer to these and other equally mundane questions can be found in future chapters of 'Andi and Allie'.
Andi and Allie Chapter 12
'Don’t give up your day job…yet!’
Allie and I began photographing and cataloging the various pieces listed to go to the gallery. With only a few days till the showing we finally had most of the work done. The pieces were matted and the panels dry enough to be moved and the ceramics were wrapped, boxed and ready. Two days before the showing everything was moved over to the gallery. Bob, his assistant Ramon, Allie and I began the painstaking process of deciding what went where.
My showing went unbelievably well. For a first showing by an unknown artist it was nearly unheard of to have unanimously outstanding reviews. But my biggest surprise was at the amount of art that did get sold and the prices the pieces commanded.
The ‘show’ itself was great fun. Every art aficionado type was there…probably off of Bob’s list of names. Then all of Allie and Jill’s guests came and they proved to be a lot of fun. Even Peter invited a number of his friends and they came ready to purchase.
Allie stayed by my side nearly the entire time at my insistence. Firstly I wanted to promote her work and secondly, more importantly, I was scared silly at the start of things and her presences always provided a strong degree of comfort and security.
I dressed for this occasion very carefully and meticulously. Allie helped me every step of the way. We purposely went out and purchased an outfit to wear; something new and not in my normal range of style.
The top was sleeveless with a sloping neck and totally sequined in a chevron pattern of red, silver, and electric blue on a black field. The pattern was replicated on the back. We found a rather lovely pair of black leather pants that weren’t cut in a typical jean pattern.
After much searching and nearly as much frustration, Allie finally convinced me to try on a pair of ankle boots with a two and a half inch heel; my first true heels! They were like the nineteenth pair of shoes we’d tried and Allie was ready to kill me. I was so obstinate and totally set against heels. That left out so many things that would have been perfect for the outfit.
I must admit that the ankle boots did look really great. They had silver heels and toe caps and the length of the pants fell perfectly to reveal only the hint of both. They were lace ups but I kind of found that to be a pleasant change from my usual slip on flats or kitten heeled pumps. Now I only had to learn to walk in them!
Just to make sure we both looked our best, Allie made appointments for us at the salon for the complete works; nails, hair trims, and cosmetic styling. I definitely wanted to look my best ever and Allie, who always looked amazing, managed to look even more amazing.
Thankfully the foundation and concealer, things that I never use, covered up the remains of my mistreatment at the hands of Steven. Whilst I was given the smoky eye treatment that was complimented with wine reds, Allie was the berry queen with soft pinks with varying degrees of blues mixed in. Allie’s lipstick not only matched her nails, the shade also matched the berry colored silk gown that draped her body.
Jill arrived fairly early with a few of her friends. She immediately took control of the wine and cheese making sure that everybody, as they arrived, was greeted with a glass of wine. Her belief was that the more wine imbibed, the more people were willing to spend. She wasn’t totally wrong and the better the people were dressed, the more wary she was to make sure their glasses were never empty.
Two of my teachers came, which was quite gratifying. They were duly impressed with what I had to offer and, after being reassured that indeed I was NOT transitioning, began to analyze everything that was right about each of my more ‘important’ pieces. They thought that what I had done with Allie’s pottery was wonderfully fresh for an art form that is only slightly younger than cave paintings.
Peter arrived with a ‘friend’. He immediately sought me out and greeted me with a hug and a kiss, which, as usual, sent a shiver throughout my body. Allie simply got a hug and she rolled her eyes and turned her head away when Peter turned back toward me. He put his arm around my waist and began to walk me along the wall as we spoke about what hung before us.
I never did find out the name of his friend but Allie did. Apparently neither of them could take their eyes off of us as we casually strolled very slowly along. Raoul, Peter’s new ‘friend’, was evidently quite jealous when he discovered my ‘little’ secret and learned that I was not even thinking of transitioning. Of course Allie, with a giggle, didn’t find it very difficult to impart that information freely to the somewhat perturbed Raoul.
Rhona showed up and proved to be one of the few friendly faces I could always count on to be by my side when anxiety visited. She spent a good deal of time with Allie, which I appreciated because everybody was trying to gain my attention; Bob most of all.
Every time one of Bob’s guests would arrive, he would grab my elbow and literal drag me to greet them. Of course I realized that this was the money crowd, the buying crowd, and whatever Bob suggested they considered very seriously.
However that didn’t make the exercise any easier. I mean it was fun speaking with different people and all but the selling part was…well…not exactly distasteful but certainly confusing? I mean… How does one appraise the value of one’s art?
The single highest roller turned out to be Peter and I was quite surprised. He actually got into a bidding war over my painting of Allie that I entitled ‘Bed Side’. Evidentially Bob’s assistant neglected to price the piece and there were three interested parties. After some rather heated dialog and even more heated bidding Peter won out. Peter truly felt that the painting was a bargain if I continued to produce ‘high quality’ work and established myself.
In truth it was my favorite piece. I needed to ask myself what I really wanted to relate about Allie as she slept alongside of my hospital bed. This caused me to think of what I truly considered the essence of this woman, at least at that moment. I thought about the nature of the women in my life. And I wondered what it was about them that attracted me so very much.
After all, Allie, Jill, and Rhona certainly were three completely different personalities. There was no denying this fact. Yet there was something about all three that they shared in common, at least in their dealings with me. They were very protective. It was almost as if I was a child, and, in truth, perhaps I was. They would hug me to them when I was feeling the pressures of being in an adult world and they would try to sooth me.
To project this one step further, the hugging was almost as if they were trying to return me to their womb for safe keeping. That was the one place where baby was safe. Rhona had two children. Allie and Jill had none. Yet they both reacted in the same fashion as Rhona. I cannot recall my own mother ever acting in such a fashion but there are always exceptions to every rule.
I would guess that this is a female thing because men, or at least Peter, protected in a different fashion. Although I was certainly getting into the spirit of hugging with people in general, my first instinct when Steven assaulted Allie was to attack. I suppose that lent some credence to Andrew still lurking about in the shadows of Andi. And I would come to find that Peter, in a much less physical fashion, acted in a similar fashion.
Now my challenge with that painting was how to show this…this protective feminine mode…with a figure in a sleeping pose. What I did was to have my hand out palm up and one of Allie’s hands beneath mine and the other hand on top. In covering my hand, the idea of protecting could be assumed. The lighting had to be dim for both figures to be asleep so the strongest ambient light focused upon the hands and Allie’s face.
The scene was painted looking down over my shoulder so that only my arm and a portion of the bed that Allie rested her head could be seen. The light was from a night light over my head. The painting, I thought, worked wonderfully. Obviously Peter and several others thought the same to the tune of ninety six hundred dollars! Sacred feces…!
The showing was a financial and an artistic success beyond what anyone could ever have imagined. More than half the pieces were sold the first evening and by the end of the weekend, nearly all were claimed.
Allie, no doubt, added to the drama of the showing by standing alongside the nudes and portraits I had done of her, and imparting whatever little tidbits of interest had occurred during the sessions. She also accepted commissions for several joint work ceramic pieces.
An incredible review of the showing appeared in the Sunday newspapers that just made the entire experience so dream like. I mean this was the stuff I would dream about and never thought would ever happen though nobody seemed a bit surprised. I was now ‘the rising star of the New York art scene’. I was in no way equipped to deal with that kind of thing so I sort of ignored it?
What really almost gave me a chubby was the check I received from Bob for thirty two thousand dollars. That was after his commission of sixty percent. That percentage is actually not uncommon for an unknown artist showing in a ‘name’ gallery. He wanted to rewrite our agreement immediately so that he might have an exclusive. I told him that Jill was taking care of all that sort of thing. I think I heard him actually have a bit of indigestion over hearing about Jill acting as my ‘agent’?
Peter, of course, wanted to have first viewing of everything I did. He hated to pay retail and he even hated giving his money to ‘that old queen’, as he referred to Bob. I of course instantly agreed and told him that price could be worked out with Jill and I would tell her to be kind.
Allie was beside herself with joy. The entire weekend was like a never-ending wonderful dream for her. I’m not sure what proved to be the greater joy; her work being shown or my overwhelming reception. In either case she was so totally part of the showing that one would think it was her gallery.
However nothing compared to what happened when I showed up at home with my check and her portion of it. I decided to give her half of what the pottery fetched. Really it was the shape of the pieces and her touch that dictated what I painted upon them. Half came out to slightly over twelve hundred dollars.
Allie was literally beside herself, along with herself, and upside down herself. She was literally jumping and bouncing up and down as she clung to that check as if it was her first and last. Now I must be perfectly clear that twelve hundred dollars didn’t cover her bra and panty sets bill. But it wasn’t the money at all. It was that her art…her ceramic art…that fetched the price. Of course she wasn’t beyond realizing that it was our joint effort that made the totality of the pieces. But she couldn’t help bathing in the warmth of knowing that her effort was of some real value.
Christmas was just ‘around the corner’ and the town was already in the spirit. Allie and I spent several evenings after the showing putting together two formal catalogues; one of my pieces and one of hers. I didn’t want to waste any time ‘basking in the glory’ of the showing. I was determined to begin working on new pieces while the spirit was still within me. I know what can happen when one takes a break after a showing of any sort.
Allies parents were conspicuously absent from the showing, which was curious. I know she didn’t get along well with them but she still had periodic contact. She was invited for Thanksgiving but chose to spend it in the city with Jill. Of course I was a ‘plus one’ guest. Jill did mention that Allie customarily spent Christmas Day with them and that Allie would love to have me join her.
And so the partying began. I mean the entire city it seems; every business and, every other thing, simply had to have some sort of party. Ours was on the seventeenth at the private club of the company’s president. He secured a private room and held a sit down luncheon complete with an open bar. I would have loved to invite Allie but, regrettably, her company party was on the same day.
I sat at a table with members of the ‘creative team’ from other areas of the company. Thankfully Rhona was next to me because Peter, who would have been excellent company as well, was at another table with some of the account executives. Several of them wanted to meet me and thankfully Peter had been referring to me as ‘Andi’ so that they weren’t put off at all. Andrew was definitely absent from this affair.
I was hoping to meet up with Allie afterward but she had texted me that she was ‘involved’…her emphasis…not mine…and she would be home late. I must admit that I was somewhat envious of whoever mister ‘involved’ might be. I was having these feelings…these desires…for her and I had no idea of how to approach her on this level; a physically involved level. Thank you mom wherever you are. Thank you dad, whoever you are.
I mean…well…it’s not like I even knew what to do even if we were naked together. I think I simply wanted the intimacy of touching Allie; of gliding my hand over her body. Maybe I simply wanted to feel our bodies naked next to one another; touching, caressing, and embracing.
If she had a dick I’d probably try and suck it. With guys it’s so much easier; even if they don’t appreciate the act in the same manner as I do. I mean…what more intimate act can one perform on another than to take another’s sexual organ in one’s mouth? I think this is the ultimate in trust.
I’m not speaking of simply getting someone off but to hold that very sensitive and delicate piece of someone’s physicality with the one orifice that all we are centers around. We speak with it and sing with it. We taste and eat and…well…do so many other things with it. Simply holding another’s sexual organ in one’s mouth precludes doing anything other than concentrating on that one act with that one person.
I thought I knew what I needed to do. I needed to stop doing nudes of Allie. I needed to put those erotic and sensual images out of my mind. Allie was becoming more than a mere muse. She was becoming an obsession. I would begin a new series of sketches…all with her being clothed. Oh…there could be a bit of suggestion…maybe an exposed thigh or cleavage…or even bared shoulders, but no nudity.
I needed to begin to think of her in other terms. When I would arrive home I would quickly wash and change. I would put on my working clothes…clean panties…with liner…and an over sized tee shirt that already bore the scars of color from previous use as well as baggy pants. I would sit in my studio, surrounded by the stench of the oils and spirits, and begin to sketch.
My first endeavor would become Allie throwing mud at her wheel. I knew exactly what I wanted to see the moment the thought of her bent over the wheel came to mind. Allie was incapable of doing anything without putting a piece of herself into the task. Her concentration was complete and she didn’t even bother to look at her hands, or whatever tool was in her hands. Her entire focus was on the formless mass of clay that would begin to take shape, form, and ‘life’.
So my emphasis would be on her face…her eyes focused on the object…and her hands. The true challenge was to link that hand-eye thingy that goes on and frame in within the context of her hands and the shapeless mass upon her wheel. Allie’s hands needed to portray all the feeling and emotion that she felt about what she was working on. The true challenge was to make her hands express that emotion whilst partially obscured by the clay.
I quickly drew my thoughts onto the paper with the hard pastels. Once I could clearly see what I desired in my mind’s eye, I removed that piece from my easel and began the next work; Allie examining a piece of pottery ready for the bisque firing. Again I wanted to capture her intense gaze as she examined the piece and the loving and delicate manner her hands caressed the dried clay, now with form.
By the time I heard Allie enter the apartment; I had managed to sketch nine possible works. I had no idea of the time. I kept no clock in the studio but I knew it was late, or early morning. I called out to her as I was covering the sketch on my easel and heard her reply as I was on my way to wash my hands and face. I doffed my tee shirt and pants as I left the studio and headed toward the kitchen after grabbing my robe from the bedroom.
Upon entering the kitchen I saw Allie grinning as I’d rarely seen before. Her arms were wrapped around her herself just below her breasts as I’ve seen women do forever. She spun around quickly, her golden loops of curls flying away from her head like an exploding aurora. She was more than happy; she was ecstatic. As I felt a sharp stabbing pain in my heart, I smiled, not wanting to even slightly blemish her spirit.
“Oh God sweetie… I think I’m in love.” Allie squealed as she rush to me and embraced me. “He is the most wonderful guy I’ve ever met!” She spun me around with her and kissed me on the lips.
‘Is that his dick I taste on your lips? Back up…let me see if you’re dripping bits of him. What did he give you in token kind? Does he have your number…and I don’t mean your phone number?’ Not a single happy thought crossed my mind! All I had was visions of my mother returning from another one of her…‘dates’. I felt like screaming at her, berating her, beating her, well, not really beating her. But all I could do was embrace her.
“I am so very happy for you.” That’s all I could say. I felt like running to the sink and barfing. “So tell me all about it.”
I mustered all within me to at least sound excited. Allie broke away from me and spun around again.
“He was wonderful. I’d heard about him from some of the other women who said he was a player?” ‘You FOOL...!’ I thought. “But he came right up to me and began talking about all his plans and dreams and he asked me what my dreams were…” ‘He meant your nightmares stupid!’ “And he wanted to know all about my art? He was so interested in me.”
Allie’s eyes began to fill with tears of joy…mine with tears of sorrow.
“What does he look like?” I had to know.
“Oh my God…he is so…gorgeous! He’s like the most…ever!”
I felt like I was back in high school listening to some girl go on and on about some guy she only just met.
“He’s tall and has dark brown hair. And he has such beautiful brown doe eyes!”
Barfo…! But I nodded and smiled and tried to be excited for her.
“We had a drink at the party and he invited me out for another at this really nice little place near Lincoln Center. And we had a bite to eat. And then he asked if I’d like to come up to his apartment…”
It was at this point that I stopped really listening and realized that my smile was truly beginning to hurt my face. I mean really… How long can anyone be expected to keep up a false smile? I finally managed to extricate myself from this very…‘trying’ situation? Allie had finally talked herself out. I grasped the moment to stretch out my arms, yawn, and hug her as I whispered a ‘good night’ into her ear.
I went directly to my bedroom, kicked off my slippers, doffed my robe and slipped beneath the sheets of my bed. I stared up at the ceiling and began to silently cry.
Was that the sound of one shoe dropping? Or was it simply the thud of Andi’s heart hitting the floor after careening off several walls, breaking an antique chair, and knocking over an original Tiffany lamp? Who will clean up the mess? The answer to these crucial questions and other even more pertinent ones to follow...
Andi and Allie – Chapter 13
Drama… Drama… Who’s got the drama?
After quite a restless night I really didn’t need to be awakened by my phone. I had every intention of waking fashionably late and arriving at work at a fashionably late time. The prior night had been, to put it mildly, stressful. But the beastly little device sounded so incessantly that I was forced to succumbed to its persuasive powers of annoyance and intrusion. I answered.
“Hello?” I used my best still asleep croaking voice.
“You need to find Allie!”
It was Jill and she sounded angry…upset…even more incessant than the phone…and all this at the same time. I quickly woke up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and face.
“She’s here. What’s wrong Jill?” Now I was becoming a bit worried.
“Then find her…now! I’ve been trying to call her and she hasn’t answered her phone. You need to find her now!” Jill never repeated herself before. “Find her and call me when you do.”
Jill hung up the phone leaving me stunned. I quickly got out of bed and donned a tee shirt and my robe. I slid my feet into my slippers and left my bedroom heading directly toward hers. The door was opened so I didn’t even bother looking inside. I heard the radio playing in the kitchen so I went there next.
Upon entering the kitchen I saw Allie sitting at the counter staring off into space. Tears were running down her cheeks and she looked…terrible.
“Allie?” I said softly.
She turned toward me; her face was a mask of anger!
“SHUT UP ANDI!!!”
Allie slammed her hand down on the counter top. Her voice and tone frightened me. She glared at me and then pointed to the radio.
I heard a man’s voice speaking. I pulled a stool up alongside of Allie and I sat down and listened.
“Listen… I made her very happy last night and I made a few bucks on top of it. So what is the BFD?”
“Yeah… But to bet your buddies and then to out what you did to that poor woman on the radio... That isn’t what I would call being a nice guy.”
I recognized this voice. He was one of two D.J.’s on the most popular early morning show in town.
“Look… The cow needed a booty call and I happened to be available, which rarely occurs. I mean it’s not like she has men crawling all over her.”
“How could he do this to me?”
Allie looked up at me with tears streaming down her face. I suddenly realized that the guy on the radio was the guy she was so very enamored with last night!
“He’s saying the most horrible things about me. He even used my name! And he mentioned where we both worked! Everyone in the whole world knows about this now!”
Poor Allie was becoming hysterical…and rapidly!
I was at a complete loss for what to say. I picked up her phone and saw that a number of people had called this morning. Allie had simply turned off the sound and vibrate. I tried to put my arms around her to comfort her but Allie held up her hands fending me off.
“That bastard…! That son of a bitch…! Why did he do this to me? I never did anything to him! Why does he hate me so much? He called me a fat pig and a cow! Last night he said…”
Allie couldn’t go on any further. She broke down completely and hid her face in her hands as she cried.
I had to go and call Jill. I needed to let her know that I was with Allie and would stay with her for as long as necessary. I was still shocked that anybody could be this callous and cruel to another person; especially toward Allie.
“Don’t you worry about that little shit!” I could feel Jill seething over the phone. “I’ll take good care of him. He’ll never work in this town again! Not ever…! What he did is inexcusable.”
“What can I do for Allie?”
I had no idea of what to do…how to make her feel better?
“Just be her friend Andi. That’s all you can do. This one will take time to heal. Just look after her and I’ll be down later. First I need to deal with that bastard.”
At least I felt that someone was going to do something about what had just occurred. Poor Allie was devastated. To be the loser on the other side of someone else’s bet was bad enough but to be publicly humiliated and degraded was tantamount to being publicly assaulted. I went back into the kitchen to find Allie speaking on the phone with the radio turned off.
I tried to approach her but Allie simply turned away from me. I tried again but she made it quite clear to me that she didn’t want me to hear whom she was speaking with or what was being said. My phone rang once again. It was Jill once again.
“Andi… Dear… Please get her off the radio. She is not helping herself by speaking with those…those people.”
OH…MY…GOD…! She was speaking to the D.J.’s on the radio! I went after Allie’s phone and as gently as possible. She was not a weakling after working with clay for years and her hands were like small vises. I finally wrestled the phone away from her as she continued to talk. I spoke into the phone.
“I’m Allie’s friend…”
“What’s your name dear?”
“That’s not important. Anyway, there has been enough of a spectacle made at her expense and…”
“Listen mystery guest…our boards are lighting up with angry women from all over town and the burbs. Please… I know she’s upset and she has a right to be…”
“I could kill that bastard!” I suddenly realized what I said. “Sorry…”
“That’s okay. We let that one through I think. Anyway… I think it would be helpful to her if she listened to what some of these other women have to say. Personally I think that John should be shot!”
I turned to Allie who was still crying although she had calmed down quite a bit.
“His name is John?” I asked.
“Yeah… John Simms...” Allie sniffled and spoke without a second thought.
I immediately spoke into the phone.
“His last name is Simms…John Simms.” Allie looked at me with a surprised and anguished look. “She didn’t even want me to tell you his last name. That’s the kind of person she is. She wouldn’t hurt a fly!”
“You seem like you know Allie well.”
“I do. She’s my…landlord…uhhh…landlady? And she’s the kindest most generous person I’ve ever met. AND…as for being a…what did he call her, a fat pig and a cow? She does posing for renowned artists at their insistence. She’s far from anything he might have spewed out.”
“Well Ms. Mystery Tenant, I don’t imagine John Simms will be getting any dates very soon in this town. I want to thank you for speaking with us and for being a good friend to Allie.”
“Thanks and we will be listening to what others have to say.”
I put down Allie’s phone and turned to her with a sympathetic smile. She had stopped crying but was staring at the tissue in her hands. I had to call work. I wasn’t going to leave Allie alone until either Jill arrived, or she felt well enough to enter the day. I dialed work and got Rhona on the phone. I began to explain to her what had happened but she already knew.
“Oh my God…! Poor Allie…” Rhona sounded as though she had tears in her eyes.
“Yeah… So I’m going to stay with her until Jill comes. I feel so horrible about what happened.”
“Well you should hear what’s going on! The callers to the radio station are ready to hunt this fucker down and cut his balls off.” Rhona sniffled. “He’s going to have to leave town, and like immediately. What a jerk…! Anyway, I think you should speak to Peter. He’s really expecting you in today. Some big shots are coming to visit or something. Hold on sweetie.”
Faaaahhhhhk…! What a horrid time to be needed at work.
“Morning Andi... What’s up?”
Well… Peter sounded calm enough even though he was in a bit early.
“I don’t know whether you’ve been listening to Gamma radio today…”
“Yes I have. It’s been a wild and wooly show.” He chuckled.
“That’s our Allie they’ve been talking about.”
“What…? You’re joking. Right…?” He sounded genuinely shocked.
“Peter…” I sighed. “You know I have no sense of humor.”
“Oh dear God…! How is she? What a nightmare this must be for her.”
He sounded quite concerned…which would be totally in character.
“I shouldn’t leave her alone. Jill said she would come and stay with her but I don’t know when.”
“I really need you in this morning. Why don’t you bring her in with you? Rhona would be just the person to tend to Allie and you know our staff. Everybody will be very sympathetic to her.”
I thought about it for a moment. I really would rather have Allie stay at home where she could be comfortable but I understood Peter’s situation and that he wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t very important. I looked up at the clock on the wall.
“Okay Peter. We’ll be in as soon as possible. What time are our guests arriving?”
“Not until eleven or so. Take whatever time you need and you can leave as soon as we’re done which should be before noon. I understand that what I’m asking is difficult with Allie’s situation today and I really do appreciate your effort Andi.” I could tell from his voice that he did. “Oh, and I’ll call Jill and let her know what’s up.”
“Thank you so much Peter.”
I looked at Allie who had stopped crying and was sitting quietly still looking at her now well-worn tissue. I went and put my arms around her and rested my head on her shoulder for a moment.
“Why did he do this to me?” She began to sniffle again.
“Come baby… Let’s get dressed.”
“I can’t go to work! Oh my God…!!!” Her tears began to flow again. “How can I show my face there…ever?”
Allie looked up at me in total panic. I could hear the strain and panic in her voice.
“No sweet heart… You’re coming with me. I need to go into work for a short time. You’ll be hanging with Rhona. She makes one dynamite cup of coffee and nobody will bother you there. We’ll leave soon. I only have one thing to do for Peter.”
We went back and forth for a short while. I was finally able to convince her that it was best to be out and with people who would be sympathetic to her plight. I couldn’t imagine how anyone wouldn’t be. Anyway, Allie went off to dress and I did the same.
I knew I had to dress to impress even though as an artist I could probably get away with just a pair of jeans and a top. But I chose a linen suit in ash grey. The jacket was tailored nicely without too much ‘shoulder’ and darted to emphasize my waist. The trousers where flared slightly and would cover the kitten heels I would wear. A plain ivory silk camisole top was perfect for a statement without making a statement.
I managed to shower, dress, and do my makeup lightly in about forty minutes; a new record. When I left my room, I smelt the coffee and headed for the kitchen. Allie already had two travel mugs ready for us.
“You look amazing today.” Allie sniffled as she checked me out.
“Yeah…with my amazing one wear linen suit.”
I had to have it pressed every time I wore it. I loved linen but it was such a pain to keep it from looking like I slept in it.
“No…really! And I think that those beads are perfect for that suit.”
Allie loved this particular set of antique glass beaded jewelry. The earrings, the bracelet and the necklace all matched and the golden color was a nice contrast to the light grey sheen of the suit. It was nice to see Allie at least smiling a little. I hoped that it would last. I could see the trauma of the morning still wearing on her angelic face.
We went down to the street after grabbing our coats and managed to get a cab fairly quickly. We sat silently on the ride up to my office. I held her hand all the way. I must say that Allie was one of those women who could look lovely wearing a sweat suit and floppies. She dressed casually and still looked as though she was ready for an evening out.
Rhona greeted us from her usual place in the small reception area. She leapt out of her chair and rushed to Allie, embracing her and kissing her cheek.
“Oh you poor thing!” She said as she held onto Allie’s arms. “You should hear what he started. There’s talk of a ‘sex out’. Women are calling into the radio station in support of a no sex this week movement.” Rhona laughed. “That bastard will be lucky to get home alive.”
Allie smiled but I could see the tears well up again. I prepared a cup of coffee for Peter, who just happened to be addicted to caffeine, and started for his office. Allie quickly grabbed my arm.
“Where are you going?” I could hear fear in her voice and see it in her eyes.
“I’m just going down the hall to Peter’s office. I need to speak with him and then I’ll be back.” I smiled down at Allie and hugged her with my free arm. “You’ll be fine here with Rhona.” She smiled and let go of my arm.
Peter’s door was open but he was on the phone when I peeked in. He smiled and motioned at me to come in and sit. I set the coffee on his desk by his right hand and removed the old cup. I trashed it and then sat patiently waiting while he finished his call.
“A long day so far…?” Peter asked as he set down the phone.
He leaned forward in his chair and took a sip of his coffee. His eyes never left mine.
“Yeah…” I rubbed my forehead with my hand.
“By the way…you look quite lovely this morning.”
“Thank you Peter.” I managed to smile and blush in spite of what was on my mind. “I do try.”
“I know you do. And before we get into anything, I would like you to join me on New Years Eve. I have a small party every year and there will be some people there you might need to meet; people who appreciate fine art. And do bring Allie if you’d like. Oh… And it is a formal occasion.” Peter grinned.
“Formal…?” Oh my God…does this mean a dress…a gown no less?
“Yes…tuxedoes for the men and gowns for the ladies. It will be quite nice I promise you. And I understand that ever since Ellen came out to the world, there are now tuxedoes with a decidedly feminine look.”
Peter smiled at me as he took away the only excuse I might have for begging out of the night.
“Oh… Okay… That sounds great.” I felt nauseous.
Peter leaned forward and placed his elbows on the desk.
“I’ve been listening to what’s been going on…on the radio. I can’t believe this happened to poor Allie…of all people.”
I couldn’t stop myself. I began to tear up. Peter grabbed his tissue box and handed it across his desk to me. Curiously, Peter then sniffed the air. I arched my brows and dried my eyes as I watched him.
“I smell something burning.” Peter was quite dramatic
“What?”
“I smell something burning.” He repeated more emphatically. “And I think it’s you!” He said with a smile.
“What…?!” What…?!
“I think you have a burn for Allie. You have a flame for her.”
I really burst into tears. Peter quickly got up and closed his office door. He also shut the blinds to his glass wall. I couldn’t believe that I’d been that obvious. And if I was that obvious to him, then who else knew? Anyway, was it really a flame? Did I want her that badly and why was I being so…so…so dishonest with myself? If it was true, shouldn’t I simply recognize it for what it is?
“Let me tell you something. I probably shouldn’t but…well… I do think very highly of you as an artist and as a person.”
Peter spoke as he sat back down in his chair. He put his elbows on his desk and leaned a bit closer.
“I was married…once. I even have a daughter.”
I looked at Peter with surprise. I never knew, or even heard, about that. All I knew was that he was gay. I mean he did kind of come on to me, in spite of my mode of dress and demeanor.
“It was years ago. I was young and I met her whilst in school.” Peter turned his gaze from me to the side and stared into space for a moment before continuing. “We really got along great. On many levels she was my soul mate. I would eat spicy food and she’d get indigestion.”
He looked at me and I smiled and nodded. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose as he continued.
“There was only one problem. Every time we had sex, I felt like I needed to take a shower afterwards. It simply didn’t feel right. Sex, with her, became an exercise in hygiene.”
I nodded. I knew that feeling all to well even though I only felt it once.
“I couldn’t obtain that one single precious moment of physical intimacy with her and that should have been a natural thing.”
Again I nodded. I couldn’t imagine how terrible it was for him. He was naming my biggest fear. It was almost like he was fortune telling my fate as he related this bit of himself to me.
“We had to divorce.”
Peter cleared his throat and turned away from me for another moment.
“I had to admit to myself that I had a definite preference for men and that I could be close and achieve a certain amount of intimacy with her…but…it would never be in bed. We are still great friends.”
He smiled warmly. He was a bit misty eyed.
“I see her several times a month; sometimes every week…or more. We speak often on the phone and we have a great relationship. Our daughter has benefited from the fact that we never stopped loving one another. And she’s old enough now to understand why we had to do what we did. The odd thing is that neither one of us has found anyone else we could have any long term relationship with.”
As Peter’s story unfolded, I felt so sad for him, and his ex-wife.
“Do you regret it?” I had to ask. I had to know. “I mean being married or getting divorced?”
“Yes and no.” Peter laughed. “I certainly don’t regret meeting her and getting married and I certainly don’t regret the child we made together. I don’t regret getting divorced because we weren’t happy with the way things were and we both knew there was nothing that could be done about it. I do regret not seeing her as often as I perhaps would like. But life is full of choices and to make one choice is always to forgo another.”
Peter sat back in his chair and smiled. He looked as though he was lost in thought as he clasped his hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair rocking back and forth slowly.
“I wouldn’t know where to begin. I mean…I’m not exactly Mister Aggressive in the ‘dating a girl’ department.” I had to admit I sounded forlorn even to myself.
“She probably sees you as more of a friend than a potential suitor?” Peter chuckled. There was no sarcasm in his voice.
“How can I change that?”
I regretted that question almost before I’d finished asking it.
“I really wouldn’t know Andi.” Peter laughed again. “I mean it’s not like shaving off a beard you know.”
I had no idea of what he meant and my face must have shown that.
“You might start by dressing more to your gender? She might see you…differently?”
“I don’t think I can do that anyway. I’ve already started hormones.” I mumbled under my breath.
“You what…?” Peter suddenly sat up in his chair and looked at me in shock. “Are you sure you’re not transitioning? Hormones are a very serious matter.”
“I’m seriously not transitioning Peter. I simply want…” Oh God…do I have to explain this yet again? “…I just want my clothes to fit properly.”
“Listen Andi… You really should keep that information to yourself? There’s enough confusion about this department as it is. And our clients, especially the one you so ably helped us to get, think you’re a woman. It would be best to keep it that way. They are oh so very… What’s the proper word? Conservative…?”
“Okay Peter... I understand.” Yeah…they’re ass holes! “But what can I do? I mean…I don’t want to ever regret not at least trying with Allie.”
I was trying, somewhat successfully, to hold back tears. Peter stared at me for a moment or two.
“I really shouldn’t be doing this. But have you tried making yourself scarce?”
“Huh…?”
“Well… Spend more time out by yourself or maybe in your studio? Absence makes the heart grow fonder you know.” Peter chuckled.
“I don’t really have a studio at home that I can spend a lot of time in? The oils smell so awful. So I kind of work wherever I happen to be. I could spend more time wandering around town but I couldn’t see doing that every night.” I sadly replied.
Peter took a deep breath and let it out as he shook his head. He suddenly seemed to come to a conclusion and he nodded.
“Okay… I can’t tell you where or when but…” He paused for a moment as if reconsidering his decision. “I can tell you what and how.” I gazed at Peter anxiously awaiting this wholly major impartment of crucial information. “You need to kiss her. That’s the what. Now let me show you the how.”
Peter stood up and walked out from behind his desk. He held out his hand, palm up, toward me. I took it and stood up. I thought he was going to take me into his arms and…well…kiss me. He did nothing of the sort. What he did is he turned me around so that my back was to him. He then simply placed his hands around my waist and pulled me to his body. I felt only his chest against me. Then he bent his head down and kissed me on the side of my neck.
I was not expecting that and, as a result, a whole lot of things happened almost at once. My eyes closed and I moaned slightly. Then I kind of leaned back into Peter for a moment. At the same time I felt this electricity shoot throughout my body and it caused me to tremble quite noticeably. I was thankful Allie had told me about the pad thingy because I could have sworn I leaked as the electricity seemed to terminate its course through the head of my dick.
“Andi…?” A voice, a very strong and masculine voice, seemed to be calling me from out of the mist. “Andi…? Are you all right?”
As the mist cleared from within my mind I suddenly stood up straight. Peter’s arms were still wrapped gently around me. I began to turn to face him and he held my arm to assist me. Peter’s smile was as bright as ever as I finally faced him.
“Uh huh…” I managed with a smiling but dazed look on my face.
“That’s all there is to it. That’s all you need to do. Then… One of three things will happen.”
I smiled up into his face as Peter spoke. My mind still hadn’t shaken that amazing feeling of his kiss. I was actually hoping for another one. But Peter… Well… Peter is Peter and his good graces prevented anything further from happening.
“She’ll either remember that kiss for some time…which is good…” He hurried to say. “Or… She’ll want to rip off all your clothes and have sex right them and there.”
He stopped speaking and smiled. Peter had to recognize that dazed look upon my face. This was definitely not the first time he’d given a kiss like that to someone. My mind cleared enough to remember there was a third alternative.
“What’s the third thing?” I asked out of my daze as Peter still held both my arms.
“She’ll smack you and try to cut your balls off and you’ll need to transition regardless of how you feel.”
Peter said this with a straight face and a look of horror must have crossed mine.
“No… That won’t happen.” He said with a laugh as he hugged me to him. “I’m simply being a bit envious. The worse thing that could happen is she’ll simply tell you to stop and not do that ever again…in which case you’ll have at least tried and have nothing to regret.”
We smiled at one another and I nodded my head. I understood.
“I must tell you something Peter.” He looked at me and arched his eyebrows. “When you kissed me the last time?” I blushed a new shade of bright red. “I thought about that for the entire weekend.” I giggled.
“Let me tell you a little secret. I’m still thinking about it.” And Peter laughed.
The day went by quickly. I left Peter’s office feeling somewhat better about...well, everything. My mood lifted even higher when I found Allie and Rhona sitting listening to the radio and laughing. Apparently the women of New York City were in a state of revolt against men that had gone way beyond the no sex thing.
I looked into Allie’s eyes and saw tears…but of joy from laughing and Rhona wasn’t far behind her. The entire staff had come and greeted Allie with hugs and words of encouragement and support. I had a feeling that if we were on the street and Allie wore a sign letting the world know ‘Yes… I’m That Allie…’ common strangers would have reacted similarly.
Finally the V.I.P.s from uptown came with whomever and I stood beside Peter as he did his sales thing. I smiled and nodded when appropriate and agreed when turned to. I mean… What else was I to do?
I’m really not a sales person in any way shape or form. That is an art in itself…I think. I can’t even sell my own stuff. I mean seriously…what am I to say? ‘Uhhh… This painting will last twenty percent longer than brand X’s painting’? I mean… Really…?
The meeting ended and, as promised, I was able to leave with Allie in tow. The day was more than lovely; it was brilliant. The sun was out and shining in a cloudless sky. The air was a bit brisk but certainly not out of sorts with the season. Although Allie felt a bit peaked, as I did, we decided to walk for a while. We strolled arm in arm down Greene Street to West fourth, over to Broadway and then downtown.
“I want to thank you.” Allie spoke with a smile. “I feel so much better. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t with me.”
“It was really no big deal.” I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. “You know…? You have a lot of people around you that really do care about you.” Allie nodded. “By the way…what are you doing for New Years Eve?”
“I haven’t really thought about it? I mean… There are parties I could go to but…” Allie took a deep breath. “…at the moment? I really can’t think about it. I think I want to stay home forever now.” She giggled.
“Well…? I was invited to go to Peter’s party. Would you like to come with me?”
I felt nauseous. My body slightly quailed. I couldn’t believe I was really asking Allie...on a real date!
“Are you actually asking me out on a date?” She laughed. “Are you doing this because you think I’m easy?” Allie said with a strong hint of indignation in her voice.
I stopped walking for a moment and turned to face her. I grasped her shoulders firmly and slightly shook her.
“I’m asking you because there’s nobody else I’d rather spend that evening with. Okay…?”
Allie stared at me for a moment and I again took her arm and began to stroll with her. She grasped my arm with her other hand and laid her head on my shoulder for a moment.
“Sure... I would be delighted to go with you. I think it’d be fun. And…” She looked at me again for a moment. “I can’t think of anyone I’d rather spend the evening with either.” She giggled.
“He said it’s going to be formal.”
“He def has the hots for you. You know that. Right…?”
“Yeah… Totally…” I giggled.
“Are you going to tell him I’m coming?”
“I think he already knows.” I giggled again not telling Allie that Peter specifically invited her to come.
Allie looked at me with a shocked expression.
“I bet he thinks he’s checking out the competition.” She laughed. “What are you going to wear?”
“I think there are tuxedoes that are kind of femme in styling? Not that I’d know where to get one.” I sighed.
The image of me in a very stylish formal jacket and trousers was very enticing.
“Leave that to me. I’ll find a few styles and you pick one you think you’d like and we’ll just find out who’s selling it. I bet we could go to Bloomie’s and find one. The big problem is getting it tailored soon enough. We have less than two weeks.”
“What will you wear?”
“Oh… A gown I suppose... What color would you like to see me in?”
“Oh my God! You’d look amazing in any color.” I laughed.
We arrived home to find Jill already making herself at home in the cave. She sat with her feet up and a glass of wine in hand trying to get the television to play.
“I do hate these damned fifty buttoned things!” She said as she slammed the controller down onto the tabletop. “I must say I’m very happy to see you in a good mood.”
Allie threw off her coat and placed her bag on the counter top in the kitchen, as did I. She rushed to Jill and kissed her as she took a seat on the couch. I came into the room, bent to kiss Jill as well, and took a seat next to her in an armchair.
”We’re going to a New Years Eve party at Peter’s!” Allie’s excitement had built since the first mention of the event.
“Oh…? Really… How lovely...” Jill chuckled and turned toward me with a wry smile. “I suppose I should let you two sit together then.”
“Oh Jill…” Allie rolled her eyes.
“I get to wear a tuxedo.” I said quite proudly.
“Yes…” Jill said, as her crooked smile grew larger. “I’m sure Peter will find that most attractive.”
“Jill…!” I turned up the corner of her mouth in displeasure. I was learning from Allie.
“Oh Jill… What am I going to do?” Allie was in distress again. “I can’t just stop going to work. How am I ever going to show my face again?”
“Whatever are you speaking about?” Jill chuckled. “You’re practically a legend. The first thing that happened to…whatever is his name?” Jill looked toward Allie.
“John...” She said dully.
“Yes…” Jill said wryly. “Aren’t they all?” She chuckled. “Anyway… The girls, one by one, walked by and just happened to spill they’re coffees upon him and his desk. And that was for starters.”
“What…?” Allie stared at Jill with a startled expression. “You’re kidding!”
“Not only that…” Jill’s face took on a conspiratorial expression as she leaned closer to Allie. “Around eleven thirty, after the ladies had their say, and his betting partners all fled to the safety of the streets, security came by and escorted him upstairs where he was promptly fired.”
“What…?” Allie was shocked.
“He just happened to mention the company’s name and it didn’t take long for several clients to call and hold forth their opinions. Plus which… That also happened to be a ‘gross breach’ of his employment agreement. Anyway…” Jill spoke under her voice. “I started there along with Jack Emory so I called him first thing.”
“Oh my God…! The CEO…?”
“John was lucky to leave the building alive. Every woman knew about what had occurred and believe me you’ll receive a rather cordial welcome tomorrow. You are coming in tomorrow I trust.”
“Oh course… I guess.” Allie squeaked as a tear fell.
I could see the hesitancy on her face as well as hear it in her voice. Regardless of what Jill and I could possibly say, Allie would naturally find going to work and facing all the people who had heard about her very sad denigration.
Jill stayed for dinner…of course. She was more than a welcomed guest and provided the kind of report of the ‘belated’ John Simms that brought courage and strength to Allie. Jill, in spite of her cynicism and sarcasm, always had a good word for Allie; always building her up privately and in front of others. She also seemed to know exactly the look Allie would need for Peter’s party.
Evidently, Peter, much like Allie, comes from a very old line New York family and works to simply have something constructive to do with his life. Jill assured us that indeed there would be a very art oriented group and that this would be an excellent opportunity for me to meet people.
She mentioned that this was also the type of group that could easily foot the bill for a portrait or some other type of commissioned work. And Peter, as well as his guests, always treated the evening as if it was a ‘season event’. Many of the gowns would be one of a kind designer pieces.
“Peter’s ‘intimate’ gatherings are the stuff legends emerge from.” Jill cackled. “He always seems to invite the right people for an interesting and entertaining event. I have had the privilege of attending two of his parties. They are always memorable.”
“You speak as though you’ve been.” Allie said.
“Ah my child…” Jill smiled lovingly at Allie. “There’s much you don’t know and so much you will learn. Anyway…” She chuckled. “That crowd is way to rich for my blood. I need to double up on my statins simply thinking about them.”
We had a very pleasant evening. We ate in and simply. Jill kept Allie’s mind off of the day’s events, which I certainly appreciated. Jill brought an overnight bag anticipating the worst and Allie certainly didn’t discourage her from spending the night. The two of them would go into the office together which certainly made me feel better.
Whilst Allie and I attended the cleanup, Jill wandered into the studios; first Allie’s and then my studio and bedroom. We were nearly finished and I was putting coffee on the counter top along with mugs and a modest dessert when Jill returned.
“You really have no idea of just how good you are, do you?” Jill looked at me with her most serious expression.
“I don’t know how to answer that. I mean… I just never think about it. You know?”
That really was the truth. I mean… What is good anyway? I simply do what I do as best I can? If people like it…well…that’s fine. All it really means is that I can earn a decent living doing something that I love. Jill just kind of stared at me and nodded. I knew she really wouldn’t understand though I did appreciate the compliment.
Amidst the activities of the day Allie still managed to find a decent collection of ladies tuxedo formal wear at Bloomie’s although that was nearly a no brainer. We agreed to meet there after work. Our first stop was the shoes department. I really had nothing that would work. I needed black and very shiny; patent leather perhaps?
As luck would have it I found the exact pair of kitten heel pumps I needed! Of course it was Ferragamo with a price to match! But the shoe was a simple, but elegant, gloss black pump with a black velvet bow across the upper. I felt so fortunate not to have to contend with a stiletto heel. Allie thought the shoe was quite stylish though she did encourage me to get a taller heel. Not a very high one but one of…oh say…two and a half inches? Veritable stilts to my eyes…
Anyway, we were soon off to the ladies formal wear department to search for the perfect tuxedo jacket. On the way Allie went on and on about the wonderfully warm reception she received from everybody at the office; especially the women. Evidently our Mister Simms had used and abused more than a few of his co-workers and they were quite happy to see him get his very just rewards.
So… You would think that there would be something of a collection of jackets. Well…? Think again. There were three. And one was in white so that didn’t even count. The second…? Well it was kind of in the style? But… Thankfully the third jacket was simply perfect. It was elegant and not pretentious. Of course it had to be Rachel Zoe and of course it had to be a small fortune. Faaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhk!!!
I tried it on and the fit was nearly perfect. The color was gunmetal with black piping along the pocket tops, not really traditional but the cut more than made up for any…impetuousness? Jackets tend to have a bit more shoulder than I desire but this jacket had almost no padding. I strolled to the three-way full-length mirror and carefully inspected every little inch and detail. I turned slowly and then once again with a bit more speed.
I then fastened the single button and repeated the exercise. This was it! I loved the way it clung rather than hung and I liked the fact that the material was light enough to move with some grace and flow. I felt tears well up as I thought about how far I’d come in a little over four years. I wore third hand clothes my last year of upper school. Now I stood wearing a brand new, albeit women’s, tuxedo jacket and attending the party of my life!
I looked at Allie with arched brows. She smiled and nodded approvingly. Allie got up and walked over to me and tugged a bit here and straightened a bit there. She aligned the shoulders and smoothed the fabric out a bit along the back. The single back vent was perfect. Everything about it was perfect except for the sleeve length. That was a bit too short.
Finding trousers to match the jacket was a whole different matter entirely. The selection was very limited. In truth, most of their collection was based upon the idea of a woman’s tuxedo jacket and skirt rather than upon the empiric notion of the suit. Therefore there were gown length dresses whose upper potion resembled the jacket and the skirt portion fell from the waist and swept at the hem.
However, I managed to find something that would need to make do. The trouser started at the waist in a traditional manner but from the calf down flared out to nearly a six-inch diameter cuff. I really didn’t care for the wide sweep of the cuff but it would have to do. The cuff fell to about an inch from the floor so that most of the shoe would be obscured. The only other alternative was a trouser that flared for a bootie, or a boot and was therefore too short ending at the ankle.
The piece I chose with the sweeping cuffs did have the traditional satin striping down the leg and did fit closely to my butt and thigh. I tried the trousers on with the jacket and my new shoes for a full viewing. It worked. I could have been happier with the over all styling but Allie thought it to be perfect. I bowed to her fashion sense. Of course the blouse would either make or break the entire effect but I had some time to find something appropriate to the overall look and hopefully to appease my sense of the bizarre.
The trouser fit was a bit snug in the waist but not totally undoable. The question of tailoring did come up but I was assured that the suit would be ready by the twenty-ninth and how would I like to pay for it? Now I must tell you that spending around fifteen hundred dollars for a suit and shoes was…well…very extravagant.
I mean less than a year ago that represented an entire year or more of clothing including panties, stockings and shoes. Granted I was making a more than decent salary and the sale of the art work was an enormous boost to my financial position. But still… And Allie was no help…of course.
“Oh honey…” She waved her hand at me. “You butch types get away so cheaply. Just wait until you see the damage I do.” She giggled.
Allie’s eyes were all aglow as we headed toward the gowns. Now I could plainly understand why Allie was so insistent upon me finding an outfit first. She had no idea at all what she was looking for. I was very interested in her process for choosing a gown so I stayed very close and asked questions. She went along the racks and simply pushed one gown after another aside.
“Well…” Allie spoke and gave out an exasperated breath. “Either the color will strike me or the design. Then I only have to hope the both will occur in a single dress…and that something will fit.”
“And how often does that happen?”
“Not as of yet! I mean I could go and have something custom sewn but we just don’t have the time.”
“Custom sewn…?” I looked around at the racks of gowns and formal dresses; an unending assortment of colors and styles. “Why?”
Allie looked up at me as though I was more than slightly mentally impaired.
“Why…? WHY…! Because all the men will be wearing black…or gunmetal?” She giggled. “But the women will be wearing all shades of gowns and many of them will be one of a kind designer pieces. God forbid I show up in the same gown as anybody else. I have to be unique. We all do. Otherwise what’s the point?”
I’m sure there was a pure scientific logic in what Allie was saying even if I didn’t get the point. Or perhaps I got it in a different manner. She needed to feel unique…special. I thought I only needed to feel different; in want of my own identity…my own image? Allie was dressing for everyone else and I was dressing only for myself although I must admit I did want to look nice as Allie’s escort.
Walking down the rows and amidst the racks of eye catching colorful gowns, I was reminded of my own palette of pastels and inks and oils. Some of the colors stood out with their almost polished shine and others with their beaded adornments and yet others with their cornucopia of differently printed colorful fabrics.
Then there were the various styles; a-line, princess waist, no waist, sleeveless, scalloped collar, and so on. Each one represented an ideal in the designer’s mind. It was almost like this was their painting to the world; to be seen once or maybe twice and then inventoried in some remote closet in an attic or basement or storage unit. The gown’s life would be extended once more as it is brought into view, and maybe even tried on, before making room for another memory piece.
Allie is a very tactile person. She loves to touch things as a true means of sensory input. I think in part that it was the ceramic artist in her? Different clays have different feels. That may sound very…banal? But she went as far as bringing a garment to her face and putting her cheek to it.
I suppose that it did make some sense in that certain portions of her anatomy would be exposed to the fabric regardless of what under garments she might choose to adorn herself with. Allie must have touched fifteen or twenty gowns before wandering over to the designers’ section.
I must say that in spite of my great love of color and asymmetry, I wondered about the qualities of some of the garments that were supposed to…enchant? Of course one must realize that this form of art required a living canvas. But still… Really…? ‘Cold shoulder’…?
Anyway, whilst I was gazing at this cornucopia of visceral expression, Allie seemed to have disappeared. She totally vanished amidst the silks and blends and sheer drapings…or should I say drippings…of lace.
“Here… Try this on.”
“Ahhh…!” I must have jumped three feet up.
Allie materialized from behind me, a gown draped over each arm. Now I must tell you that I have tried on skirts and dresses if for no other reasons than curiosity and effect. But I decided that the image in my mind, of myself, was sans those two particular styles of clothing.
“Uhhh… It’s really not me?”
“Listen… I’m doing this so that we both have something to do on New Years instead of sitting at home by ourselves watching some stupid thing on the stupid tube. Now the least you can do for me…” She pointed to herself with BOTH hands and a very determined look upon her face. “…is to humor YOUR very dear friend and put this gown on. I want to see how you look in it. You don’t have to leave the dressing room if you don’t want to.”
Our eyes were locked in some kind of mortal combat. I frowned…sneered…and then whipped the dress from her arm…delicately. I accompanied Allie to the changing room trying to ignore the smug grin on her face by looking at what she had chosen for me.
The dress was nearly the same color as my eyes; kind of a powder grey pastel shade with perhaps a touch of more blue. As I held it up by the shoulder straps, actually bands of gathered silk, I noticed that it did have a very interesting design. A cord of silk crossed the piece just above the beast to gather the fabric in two sections that were to become the shoulder straps of the dress. It had kind of an oriental flair to it…perhaps…Tibetan?
The back also had the cord to gather the shoulders again as they draped down to about the waist. There was a double snap arrangement to secure the right shoulder after the garment was put on. I would definitely need assistance with it. It was definitely meant to be worn braless. As I doffed my clothing in the changing room, I guessed that the gown could be stepped into and then the back snapped once one’s arms were passed through.
I must say that the dress felt lovely on my bare skin although I did keep my bra on. My breast forms were not secured today. But then again I hadn’t counted on trying on thirty seven hundred dollar designer gowns. The piece fell to the tops of my feet and the sweep was not all that wide. The skirt from the waist down was a lovely tulip shape.
I gazed at myself in the changing room’s mirror. The silk was very sheer but because it was gathered at strategic points a degree of modesty could still be claimed. I hated to admit it but… I mean d-damn… I think I liked it!
“Allie? How are you doing?”
“Okay. I think I need help.” I couldn’t hook the back.
Allie came in with a huge grin on her face. She had a gown by the same designer and it looked amazing on her. She had such an amazing figure…her curves so pronounced…that the fabric of this particular gown draped her perfectly.
Her gown was a halter neck only the fabric was gathered and then loosely woven into the halter, which simply slipped over one’s head. It was a bit more form fitting but I imaged that goes with her size.
Allie fastened the back for me and then stepped back to look. She smiled at what she saw.
“Come on out sweet heart. We need to see how the dress moves on you as you walk.”
Allie took my hand and half pulled me through the doorway into the lobby area where the fitting was done. I looked at myself in the three view mirrors. I watched as I turned from side to side. The fabric was so light and sheer that it flowed perfectly. I did notice that I couldn’t take as large a step as I was accustomed to. But by moving slower, I got to watch the dress move with me in an easy and flowing manner as it was meant to.
I watched Allie move in her gown. It was so very organic…her movements and the gown’s. It was as though that piece was designed just for her. It was almost like a second skin without being overly snug. It was like a magical veil covering a most remarkable treasure.
“You know something Allie?”
I gazed at her, the woven halter neck, and her lips. She stared at me with a huge smile on her face. I could tell we were done searching for her gown.
“I think I can color match your lipstick to the gown.”
“Well I was thinking maybe a pale pink?”
“Think bold baby doll. It’s a beautiful piece and the color is amazing for you so why not emphasize it even more? I mean with a matching color on your lips you’ll be totally stunning.”
I could tell she was thinking about it.
“So you like it?” She asked with arched eyebrows.
“I love it. You are totally stunning in it and I do think it fits wonderfully. It is a bit long but with heels it should be perfect.”
“Yeah. But now I’ve got to find shoes that match.” She made a sour face.
“You could go with gold you know. With a matching clutch…?”
“Well…what about yours? You look amazing in yours. I mean you could walk it on a runway or something. You have the perfect figure for that dress.”
I could tell she was very excited about the way I looked.
“Yeah…but where would I wear it? I mean I really need some boobage; real boobage. I am wearing a bra with this in case you haven’t noticed. And I should be braless but then there’s the threat of side boob, you know?” And I hadn’t even gotten to the price tag!
Allie began to work a bit with the shoulders and the cord and she managed to tighten the arm holes just enough to probably prevent that old side boob malfunction. She was trying to steal my excuses. But I still had no idea of where I would wear such a thing.
“Listen sweet heart… The season’s barely started. I promise you that something will definitely come up where you can be seen in this dress and it will be totally amazing. I promise you. Anyway, that ‘Ellen’ thing of yours will only go so far. I mean if you wore this to Peter’s party…? Oh my God… He would die from exploding chubbyitis!” Allie chuckled, her eyes wide with delight.
“Allie… This is thirty seven hundred dollars! I… I… Oh my God…! I shouldn’t even be thinking of this!”
“I could help you with it?” She was pleading now.
“That’s not the point Allie.”
I turned back toward the mirror and moved around in it again whilst I watched myself. I took a deep breath and let it out.
“I must be out of my faaahhhkn mind.” I muttered under my breath.
“Oh my God…! You’re going to do it! Oh my God…!”
Allie grabbed my hands and began to hop up and down without her feet leaving the floor. She was so excited and happy that I had just gone completely insane.
We had the tailor serving us in no time at all once our sales woman saw us celebrating our soon to be new purchases. The entire time he was working with us I kept thinking of how much we had spent in merely two or three hours. It was more than I had spent on clothes AND food in four years at college. This was something I hoped I never became accustomed to doing.
But even more earth shaking was that I even considered a…a dress? I mean this was something I never ever expected to be seen in. I couldn’t help myself though. I thought I looked so…I don’t know…slinky? Allie was totally at home and comfortable in dresses. She was so girly? But I never felt comfortable or thought I looked good in one.
Maybe it was the fact that I was putting on some weight. The ‘mones were definitely having that effect, among other effects. My legs weren’t anything to look at but lately they seemed to be taking on shape. My butt for sure was becoming rounded and I actually had a wee bit of a curve to my hips. Perhaps seeing myself in this gown and noticing my ‘new’ curves captivated me?
I only wished something would happen in the boob department but all that seemed to be occurring is an incredible itching sensation in my nipples. Anyway, the tailor promised to take in the sides enough to avoid a fashion fail of miniscule proportions…or…side boobage…NOT!
Allie’s gown was nearly perfect though she needed to have the opposite done. The top really wasn’t quite generous enough for her boobage and she need just a touch more room in the waist. I found the experience so very interesting. I think I finally understood why Allie seemed to get so excited about a new purchase or find. It was an interesting bonding experience. I was finding that shopping with Allie was becoming more of a social and interpersonal experience than anything else. Thankfully we had some extra money from the showing for just such experiences!
Will retail therapy prove to be the salve for Allie’s battered ego? Will Andi grow the proper amount of boobage and get to wear his gown? The answers these very penetrating and pervasive questions are to follow in the upcoming and ad free installments of…‘Andi and Allie’!
Andi and Allie Chapter 14
Do boys make passes at boys who wear dresses???
Allie had this marvelous little artificial Christmas tree that she and I played with one night. She normally set it up on the kitchen counter but I wanted to do something just a little different. I wanted to set it up on our ‘private’ dining table at the front window so that it could be seen from the street if one looked hard enough and we could both see it from most of the apartment.
The tree stood three feet tall and Allie had accumulated about two-dozen ornaments, some of which she made. We spent an evening playing with the tree, setting it up and placing the ornaments upon its branches. Personally I don’t see it as a religious symbol as much as an indication of the time of year.
Allie however saw the tree as more of a religious symbol and she had this intense in scale manger set complete with three kings and animals and all. Evidently it was made of ivory and very old; a remnant of someone else’s childhood years before Allie’s. The carvings were quite meticulous and she took great care in placing each piece carefully into a small glob of gum just beneath one of the branches.
My personal contribution to the tree was in the form of several sets of ‘grain of wheat’ light bulbs in colors and the transformer to power them. She was so delighted that she actually cried when I finally finished and turned on the power. We sat down in front of the tree with an arm around each other. Allie rested her head against my shoulder for a while and then kissed my cheek.
Christmas Eve was rapidly approaching and the office was abuzz with talk of the year-end bonuses. I rarely got caught up in these discussions because…well…unless I was going gown shopping with Allie anytime soon, I really didn’t think that much about money. I was making way more than I needed and that was good enough. Anyway, I had already received one bonus this year.
However Peter did ask me out for dinner. He was wining and dining a potential new client who was bringing a female companion and felt he needed a ‘companion’ that would fit into the spirit of things? This was a very unusual request for, and from Peter in that the account execs usually did the wining and dining but these folks wanted to meet the ‘creative’ team that would be devising a new logo for them.
“He seriously wants to fuck you.” Allie laughed.
We had gone out just to get a little air and take in the evening street scene on a week day night. We sat at the front window sipping our coffee and splitting a huge chocolate brownie with chocolate ice cream and…you might have guessed it…chocolate syrup. We passed on the whipped cream…way too many calories.
I honestly wished I could say Allie was wrong. But I couldn’t. And…what was worse was that I kind of felt flattered. I mean Peter Grant was hot…red-hot! I knew I felt this attraction to him and I was nearly ready to say: ‘Peter…ready or not…here I am!’
But then there was Allie; dear, sweet Allie. Peter would have little trouble with me. He would simply grab me and kiss me and it would be all over. At least I felt that way at times. Like when I thought about that kiss on my neck and how it made me feel. I had my doubts that Allie would react the same way. I was not the type to simply do something like that. Allie reacted that way with men and though I was a man…or sorts…I wasn’t that type of man.
“Oh Andi…? Where are you Andi?”
I looked up at Allie.
“I think they should have fixed my nose.”
I had no idea why I said that other than it suddenly popped into my head.
“Avoidance…! Denial…!” Allie faked shouting cupping her hands around her mouth. “You know he likes you and you like him.”
“Yeah… But there’s a big difference between liking someone and wanting to hop into bed with them.”
The very second those words left my mouth I regretted them and I could see from the look on Allie’s face that she took it personally. I reached out and touched her hand.
“I didn’t mean it that way.”
I was pained that I caused her to think I meant her and the way she kind of acted with men.
“No… You’re right. I’m just a fool sometimes.” She couldn’t look at me.
“No… You don’t understand. There’s someone else I’m interested in.”
Allie suddenly looked up at me and smiled.
“What…?” She said gleefully.
“Yeah… And it’s a woman.”
Now I couldn’t look at her. But I did smile.
“What…? Oh my God…!” Allie’s face lit up and she grinned like a child opening a gift.
“Yeah…” My eyebrows arched and I nodded.
“Oh my God…!”
“Yeah…” I pulled a bit of dessert onto my spoon and looked at it before licking at it.
“Is it someone I know?”
I was afraid Allie would ask that. I shook my head. Okay… So that might have been deceitful but I definitely wasn’t ready to admit how I felt about her.
“What is she like?”
“Oh my God!!! She’s so totally amazing…the most amazing ever!” I giggled.
“Oh my God Andi…! That is so romantic.” Allie sighed and leaned toward me taking my hand.
“Yeah…” I sighed. “I really don’t know what to do. I mean… It’s not even like two men or two women.” Allie gazed at me with eyes wide opened. “I mean I am incredibly attracted to Peter. He’s so…I don’t know…attractive! I get all tingly around him and he knows it.”
“Well…what about her?”
Yeah… What about her…?
“I don’t feel the same way around her. I mean I’m attracted to her? But it’s different. It’s more of a sensual thingy? I think that we also think alike in lots of ways? We really seem to get along so amazingly.”
“When do you get to see her? I mean we do spend a lot of time together.”
“Sometimes you really don’t need to spend a lot of time with someone? You know?”
I really hoped she’d go for that.
“Yeah…”
Allie sighed and nodded her head. Cool… So I’m not the only clueless one.
“What are you going to do?”
“I really don’t know.”
There was no way to hide the sadness and confusion in my voice.
“I mean… Suppose it was you?” Allie looked at me…seriously. “Suppose some guy liked you a lot. But he also liked this guy? And he hasn’t slept with you or this guy. What would you tell him?”
Allie gazed intently at me the entire time I asked her the question. I think she was gauging whether I was serious or not. But how could I not be? I mean who asks a question like that for fun? She looked back down at the dessert and scooped another spoonful. It was all kind of gooey at this point which was just the way we liked it.
“Well…? I don’t know.” Allie licked at her spoonful. “I would want to be the one…you know? Like…THE one... But, for sure…” She giggled. “I would want him to be absolutely sure? I know that if it was me…I would want to be sure. I think I would want that person to be very sure of whichever one he chose. I mean what happens after…you know?” She giggled again. “What happens after is what’s important. If they can snuggle well and make you feel good about yourself…and they make you feel important…then it’s a go, you know? Especially if everything else is good.”
I understood what Allie was saying but that still didn’t make anything easier. I wasn’t sure that I could sleep with either one just to ‘test’ them out. In spite of what Jill may have thought about Peter, I couldn’t help feel that I would be using him, and Allie. Having been there myself, it just wasn’t me. Perhaps if I had a better sense of my own sexuality I would have thought a little bit differently.
“By the way…” Allie looked at me with a sly expression. “I have a really big favor to ask.”
“Sure…anything.” ‘Well… Almost anyway…’ I thought.
“Could you come with me on Christmas day…you know…to my parents?”
Now her expression turned to hopeful? I was silent for a moment. I knew that she had a difficult relationship with them. Did I want to referee? Did I want to kind of play wingman if things went poorly?
“Ummm… Okay...” I smiled.
How could I refuse? I mean… She is my friend if nothing else and I certainly wanted to be there if they began to gang up on her.
“Oh you are the best! I’m going to rent a car so maybe we’ll do something along the way or on the way back.”
I can’t say that I’ve seen Allie that excited very often. No doubt I said the right thing. We strolled back slowly to the apartment, my arm around her waist and hers around mine. The night air was quite refreshing. We could almost see our breath as we walked quietly, my mind still thinking about my dilemma. I suddenly had an impulsive thought.
“I think I want to get a navel piercing.”
“What…?”
Allie stopped and took a step away to gaze at me. Her eyes were wide and mouth agape with surprise.
“Yeah. A navel piercing… I think they’re so cool.” I stepped up to her, took her by the waist again, and began to walk.
“Hmmm… Maybe I should get one also. What do you think?”
“That…would be totally hot!” OMG…! That definitely would be totally hot.
“I’m thinking of maybe getting a Brazilian. Want to get one too?” Allie giggled.
“Ummm…” WTF?
What’s a Brazilian? Well…if Allie’s getting one, why not me? Maybe I’ll get two.
“Okay… Sure…”
Jill is a very tough woman for sure and anyone who has dealings with her, particularly business dealings, had better keep that in mind at all times. It’s not that she’s mean or nasty or anything like that at all. It’s simply that she’s way smart and completely attuned to whatever it is she’s doing.
Once in a while, Jill lets herself go and becomes a kid again, and Christmas Eve is just one of those occasions. It’s not so much a religious thing because she is agnostic. It’s more of the general spirit of the holidays where one can wonder and gawk and…just do childish things like play with toys and such.
Now I play with toys every day. I have my crayons and pens and various devices that in earlier years represented the only real childhood I had. Allie gets to play in her mud. But Jill really has nothing to play with. As the chief stylist and art director of a major food magazine, she really has no time. And even in her spare time she’s too busy keeping up with the competition by checking out their spreads in magazines.
We arrived at Jill’s apartment baring gifts. Allie made a lovely low walled, pedestalled bowl similar to the first one I painted. She embossed the side just at the rim with Chinese block characters and glazed it with a pale antique looking green. The characters where filled with a light brown glaze to make them look aged. It was a wonderfully imaginative piece for Allie to attempt.
I did a portrait in pastels. I wanted to show some of the less noted wonderful qualities of Jill so I gave her a soft and thoughtful appearance. I used three different pastel mediums; oil, soft and pencil. We matted the portrait in a soft green to contrast her warm colored walls. Allie thought it was a terrific piece.
We also bought her a set of fine pastel pencils and a good drawing pad. Jill had attended an art school and began her career as an artist. But others with better skills came along and rather than be in the midst of the pack, Jill began to exert herself as an administrator and director. I noticed that she did have a tendency to doodle and thought that this might give her the little push she needed to perhaps try her hand again.
Jill became quite emotional upon receiving her gifts. She was in tears, a first for me to see. She couldn’t hug or thank us enough. For some reason Jill seemed to dote upon me more than Allie. This was another first for me. Every time I wanted to help with something she would refuse and she would let Allie do it…whatever ‘it’ was…in my stead.
The table was positively gorgeous. The sparkling of crystal and the shining of silver in the dim light set an intimate and special tone to the evening. I just knew everything put out was special. This might very well be the only time of the year these things even got used. Silver linen rings and full silver service and three different glasses were only the beginning.
Jill’s six foot tall real tree was picture perfect. She had hosted a small tree trimming party for the interns under her supervision. And with an artist’s eye and a surgeon’s precision, each ornament was precisely placed. Many were antiques and some were of blown glass but all were exquisite. The entire ambience was…sacred? And yet it was otherwise devoid of religious symbolism.
The dinner was buffet style with a side table holding all the wonderful treats. Before we started, and after Jill composed herself from the emotional impact of our gifts, she had us hold hands and recited a poem of thanksgiving. In essence we were her family.
The side table top was completely covered with platters of various treats; smoked duck, smoked trout, salmon, cheeses, caviars, breads, sauces for each meat and fish, and candied vegetables among the odd other thing. It was a feast for sure and I’d never seen such an assortment of specialized foods before…not ever. A ‘good’ holiday meal for me was being left alone and that was just fine compared to the company of my mother and one of her ‘friends’.
We ate and drank really fine wine and had really killer desserts with delicious coffee till we could barely move from the table into Jill’s living room. There we sat and talked endlessly about everything and anything and nothing consequential at all. We spoke with stocking feet up on the antique low set center table with the ease and comfort that tends to envelope dear friends.
Over the course of the evening, when Allie left us to relieve herself, Jill gazed at me suddenly with that shrewd and appraising look of hers.
“You know…” She said with a smile. “…you must be the strangest person I’ve ever met. And let me tell you…” Jill hurried to add with a wagging finger. “I’ve met more than my share. But… I must say… You have been wonderful for Allie. And to her I might add.”
I smiled demurely and blushed pepper red enough to feel my own heat. “So…” Jill sat back stared at me intensely with narrowed eyes. “What are you waiting for? Another bum to come along and fuck up her life again?”
Jill wanted me to make my play at Allie? She was, in essence, giving her approval? But it’s more complicated than she thinks.
“It’s kind of complicated.”
I hesitated in saying that but what else could I say? It’s not like I was immediately prepared for this.
“Nonsense!” Jill laughed. “It’s really quite simple. I understand there’s another that you are attracted to.”
Oh my God! Allie told her about our conversation? I felt myself turn a new color of red…deep, deep red!
“Allie mentioned the conversation the two of you had. Of course she’s clueless and doesn’t realize that she’s the…’other woman’.” Jill laughed. “That girl is such a child in some ways.” She spoke almost under her breath.
I felt I had to let it loose…to tell Jill what I felt…how I felt.
“Allie thought I should…”
“Oh… Allie thought… Allie thought…” Jill sounded annoyed. “Allie is a good soul…the absolute sweetest…but she really knows nothing. Allie lacks center and you give her that. You give her life some focus. And you…” Jill emphasized ‘you’ with breathiness and a pointed finger. “You have enough passion for one hundred people but no direction. Allie gives you direction. You’re best works are the paintings of her. End of story…”
“But what if it doesn’t work?”
“Then it doesn’t work. That’s all... It happens every day. And don’t worry about Peter. He’ll always be there. Peter is too self-centered to meet anyone else on a serious basis. Don’t get me wrong…” Jill rushed to say. “Peter is a sweet and lovely man and he won’t intentional hurt you…or anybody else. But he doesn’t always act on his intentions. You’re a fascination to him because you have the one thing he has never had; artistic talent. He has the eye, but not nearly enough of the passion.”
“Miss me…?”
Allie returned and took a seat on the couch next to me…as usual. She had, among other things, refreshed her face and looked positively amazing.
“Yes… Of course...” Jill chuckled. “So we spoke about you endlessly.”
Our evening ended just before one in the morning. Jill handed us each a card with an enclosed gift as well as a bag containing some of her chosen goodies from dinner. We took about ten minutes to say our thank you and good night and then we were out the door, down the elevator, and out on East Fifty Sixth Street. The air was fresh and crisp and much to our surprise and delight, snow began to fall lightly kind of making the evening complete.
We decided to walk up to Fifty Seventh Street and then head west. Others evidently had the same idea. There were couples everywhere just strolling and enjoying the evening. Allie and I walked with an arm around the other’s waist. Every once in a while I would rest my head upon her shoulder and she would do the same to me.
“You know…? We should get one of those big down coats that two people can wear at once.” Allie laughed. “I mean we seem to be out most with each other and that would be so totally cool.”
I stopped and hugged her. I rested my head upon her and really just savored that full body touch rush.
“Merry Christmas Allie.”
“Merry Christmas Andi.”
We separated only enough for a kiss on the lips. It only lasted a moment or two but…well…it was somewhat heated. We hugged again and decided to catch a cab downtown although we both would have liked to walk more. Allie was a bit tired and we had a very long day ahead of us tomorrow.
During the cab ride Allie decided to open her card. It was a lovely and very personal seasonal card. But also enclosed was a gift card to a very exclusive spa for an entire day. Allie was particularly excited because not only did we get the old ‘standards’, as she put it, but it included a Brazilian! I still had no idea because I had forgotten all about that and didn’t research what a Brazilian even was.
“I wonder how she guessed.” I giggled.
I slept in that morning. It simply felt so good to be in bed whilst outside the freeze was on. Apparently the snow continued through the night and, although it was no blizzard, everything was coated with a lovely white cover. Because most of the world was either abed or busy opening presents, the covering still had a pristine look.
I could smell the savory aroma of coffee so I knew that Allie was awake and about. No doubt she was readying, or steeling, herself for the ordeal of lunch with mommy and daddy…and who knows whom else. I got out of bed, threw on my robe, and went to collect a cup of the nectar of the Gods…caffeinated thank you.
As I showered, I realized that I hadn’t given a whole lot of thought on what I would wear. From what I gathered from Allie, they were sort of formal? I mean a jacket and tie at a family lunch seemed a bit much. But when in Rome…do as Vandals did? I would wear a navy blue blazer, beige trousers and a lovely ivory colored ruffled collar blouse. A cordovan colored, brass buckled belt and my tasseled penny loafers should be a preppy enough look for this crowd.
I wrapped a towel around myself tucking the end in beneath my arm and walked out of the bathroom to my closet. I looked at my wardrobe and suddenly thought that maybe…just maybe Allie was right. I needed to consider maybe wearing skirts and maybe even…on some rare occasions…a dress? I certainly would have a far greater selection of mix and match outfits if I did.
I pulled the things I was going to wear and hung them on my door hook. After one last look I walked back to the bathroom to do my hair and face. I decided to go for the ‘nude’ look. A touch of blush, a swipe, or two, or mascara, a light brown eye liner, and pale pink lipstick in a berry shade would to it. Just a hint of color on this snowy Christmas morning would be enough with all the glaring light.
After blow drying my hair and slipping on my panty beneath my towel I stood facing the mirror. Whilst closely inspecting my face, and the wretched nose I so detested in spite of Allie’s claim that it was simply character defining…whatever that meant…I loosen the towel and let it drop to my feet. That’s when I noticed it…them!
“ALLIE… ALLIE… COME QUICKLY…!” I shouted for her because I didn’t believe what I was seeing.
“Andi…? What’s wrong? Are you alright?” She entered my bathroom with a very concerned look on her face. Allie hadn’t even bothered to throw on a robe and was in her panty and bra.
“Come and check this out.” I turned back toward the mirror. “I think I have mini boobage! Finally…!”
“What?” Allie sounded a bit annoyed. She looked in the mirror and I guess she saw much less than I did. “You scared the hell out of me you know.”
“I’m really sorry. But look!”
I really didn’t mean to scare her but my excitement got the better of me. Allie walked up to stand alongside of me. She took me by the shoulders and turned me to face her. She looked carefully at my chest and started to reach out to touch me. I kind of pulled back a little.
“What’s the matter baby?”
“I’ve been really achy there for a while.”
“I’ll be very gentle. I promise. But I do need to check this out. I think I really do see a little development?”
She giggled as she slowly touched the surface of my chest and began to gently circle the area around my nipple. She gently pressed down and circled first one side and then the other. As she did so her eyes began to widen as did her smile.
“Oh my God…! You’re getting boobs!” She giggled. Allie’s touch actually felt good. “Are you still jerking off every day in the shower?”
“Allie…!” How’d she know? I never made and announcement. “That’s personal.”
“Listen sweetie… I need to know. We need to know that you’re not taking too great a dosage of hormones, you know?”
I looked at her trying to decide whether she was serious or not.
“Yes…” I felt so embarrassed with the admission of emission.
“Morning and night?”
“Yes…!” I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath.
“Do you think of him…or of her?” Allie’s expression was so very serious I thought this was something…important?
“Well… It kind of depends who’s on my mind.”
“Oh my God…! I knew it! I just knew it!” She began to laugh. “You do it in the shower! I guess I’ll need to wear floppies if I have to go in there.” Allie continued to laugh as I turned yet another new shade of garnet red.
“That wasn’t fair Allie.”
“Okay… If you must know…I do it in bed and in the shower.” Allie’s eyes slowly started to roll in thought. “In the cave, at my desk, in the ladies room…”
“Okay… Okay… I get the picture.”
Now I was somewhat pissed off though I wasn’t sure why. Maybe I was envious of her sexuality and her ability to express it so…so freely?
“I guess I should wash my hand if I touch yours.” I said with just a wee hint of sarcasm. “…or sniff it.” I had to snicker.
“Okay…want to feel something really cool?” Allie smiled quite sincerely.
I was so naïve and clueless…as usual.
“Sure.” I smiled innocently.
“Okay… But I need to warn you that it’s going to tickle…only for a minute though.”
Allie grasped my upper arms and looked so innocently into my eyes. How could I refuse her? I nodded my head. Suddenly she attached her mouth to my nipple and wet it thoroughly with her tongue. As quickly as she did it, she removed her mouth and blew her breath directly upon it. Then she giggled crazily and ran from the bathroom.
“Oh my God…!” I cried out.
I couldn’t have chased her anyway. I was way busy feeling my body tremble with the electricity she sent through it. The cool air drying on my nipple felt absolutely amazing! I actually saw it enlarge a bit and after the electricity dissipated my nipple began to itch like crazy. I began to rub it with the palm of my hand as my other nipple began to itch in sympathy with its…twin sister? I also noticed that I had become semi-erect!
“I’ll get you for this Morris!”
I called her by her last name whenever I had an issue with Allie. That happened rarely and usually because she did something to tease me.
I finished doing my makeup between trying to sooth the itching and went into my bedroom to begin dressing. I had chosen the powder blue matching bra to the panty I wore and inserted my breast forms. The coolness to the silicone actually felt soothing against my itchy and achy chest.
I put on a pair of sheer nude thigh highs and turned to gaze at the main event again. After thinking about the combination of the blazer, the trousers and the blouse, I decided that perhaps this look was a bit too butch; especially since Allie no doubt would be in a skirt or dress…as usual.
I was suddenly struck with the idea of perhaps wearing a pastel pink cashmere wool turtle neck sweater I had purchased. Whilst I’m not necessarily a ‘pink’ kind of person, I have to admit that pink does have its place in almost everyone’s wardrobe. I retrieved it from my sweater shelf and held it to my neck. That cashmere wool was so incredibly soft. Beneath the sweater I chose a silk pink camisole I had actually purchased on sale for wearing next spring and summer.
I was having a second cup of coffee with toast when Allie finally made her appearance. She looked…amazing…as usual. She wore wonderfully colorful print dress of tiny Christmas symbols on an apple green field. It was a pull over with an elasticized fitted waist that was snug enough to show her curves but not so snug as to be…well…overly enticing?
Allie’s heels were a shade or two off the apple green but not enough to be noticed by most. She did wear white tights in deference to the weather. Her makeup style was similar to mine only she chose a bright scarlet lipstick which did pick up on the coloration of some of the symbols on her dress. Her lovely golden curls framed her face like a neatly arrange halo.
We grabbed our purses and coats. Allie wore her full length down coat and I had my camel color wool wrap coat that feel to just below my knees. The car was parked in the alley behind the building so we exited through the back door which I had never used before. We got into the little Honda Allie had rented and we were quickly navigating our way toward the East Side Drive heading uptown.
The ride to Bronxville was actually beautiful. The sun shone brightly and the sky was a lovely light shade of…well…sky blue. All the clouds were gone. Allie talked incessantly the entire way. Now I was quite accustomed to her talking about everything and anything and I was a particularly good listener. I usually found Allie’s voice to often be almost like music and I was able to get past the words and learn much more from her intonations and inflections.
But this was something different. Allie was nervous…very nervous. I could tell from the almost quavering sound of her voice. I’m sure that given a choice, she would have done anything other than what she was doing. Allie had only spoken about her parents, and her growing up, on very rare occasions and I never brought the subject up.
As we motored along, the high rise buildings became smaller multi-family dwellings and then single family homes. The snow cover coupled with all of the Christmas decorations on the homes lent the feeling of a large amusement park rather than a sacred religious period. But even these homes, as roomy as they appeared to be, gave way to mansions surrounded by expansive lawns and iron or stone fences.
Allie pulled up to one of the larger mansions and stopped at the gate house. She smiled and nodded and the guard opened the gate; a guard mind you! She drove up the gravel road…it was too wide to simply be a driveway…toward a Tudor styled stone faced home. This was, beyond any doubt, the largest house I’d ever seen. The main entrance had windows towering at least two stories that were stained glass. The home went up another two stories beyond that!
The roadway split and Allie veered left toward the front of the house where other cars were parked. I was to learn that the other turn led to the garage in the rear of the house. Allie told me that the garage was actually the former carriage house and was large enough for seven cars! The upper floor of the carriage house is where the grounds keeper and his wife lived.
As we pulled up to the entrance of the house, an older man with silver hair wearing a black suit with a white shirt and a red and blue stripped tie met us. He first opened my door and warmly smiled whilst bidding me hello. Then he went around to Allie’s side and assisted her out of the car. Allie immediately hugged him.
“Merry Christmas Mister Sean…” Her voice was quite sincere as Allie hugged him and then kissed his cheek.
“And a merry Christmas to you Miss Allie... How have you been?” Mister Sean gave her another big hug.
“I’ve been quite well.” Turning toward me whilst still holding his hands, Allie spoke again. “And this is my…friend…” That did sound so much better than tenant or roommate. “…Andi.”
“Yes…” He smiled and turned toward me. “Hello Andi... Welcome and let’s go in. You both must want to freshen up after your drive and we do have such a wonderful menu for today.”
Turning to Allie with a smile, his blue eyes twinkling with joy, he spoke.
“Your mother and father are so looking forward to seeing you.”
“Oh Mister Sean, you were always such a good fibber.”
She giggled as Mister Sean looked down for a moment as he smiled and blushed baby pink. He seemed to concede that she was correct, at least in this instance.
Allie and Mister Sean entered the huge double oak doors slightly before I did. The sight before me as I crossed the threshold was amazing. I entered an atrium that reached up one very tall story and then a second. The floors were stone…marble I guessed…and covered with large Persian rugs that were somewhat worn with age. A very wide center stairway, also of stone, went up about half the height of the first floor and then split into two halves that went up the rest of the way to the second floor.
To my right was a large salon filled with…I would guess…about two dozen people. Mister Sean helped me off with my coat, hung it up next to Allie’s, and escorted us into that room. The floors were wood but again covered with Persian rugs. There was a slightly musty odor in the air that comes with furnishings that have seen more than several ages.
The window treatments were silk no doubt and quite heavy with their deep crimson fronting and their sun blocking backs. Golden cords secured them back and away from the tall windows that gave an unobstructed view of the snow covered lawn and leaf barren trees.
Paintings lined the walls; mostly portraits. From what I could take in they were period pieces dating back to…from the look of the dress mode and style…perhaps the late eighteenth through the twentieth centuries.
Before photography, the wealthy could afford to ‘immortalize’ themselves by having a portrait painted. Often the artist specialized in doing these portraits and some of the artists were quite good at it and could almost make a living.
The furniture pieces were all originals and antique. The chairs and loveseats and settees were arranged in small groups with end tables dotting the area between the pieces. There were three elaborate crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling offering additional lighting. Whilst I wouldn’t call the room warm or elegant, it was certainly well appointed if one chose to live in a museum.
I fit right in! Of all the blazers present, including those being worn by women, most were navy blue. And if penny loafers weren’t on one’s feet, then boating shoes were. The gold jewelry was elegant, solid and quite real and the diamond rings and earrings flashed nearly as brightly as the cosmetically enhanced smiles. I had to giggle. I felt as though I was in an F. Scott Fitzgerald novel brought up to date.
I was totally lost with taking everything in when Allie grabbed my arm and gently squeezed. I looked into her falsely smiling face as she spoke between her teeth.
“Here comes mommy dearest.”
Allie motioned with her eyes toward a blond woman in a Merino wool sweater dress partially obscured by…you guessed it…a navy blue blazer. Her face was pumper than that proverbial fatted calf. This was no doubt due to the excessive amounts of Botox required to erase every line ever drawn by a life of even greater excess. She not only had a bunny nose, she had bunny eyes.
“Alison dear…” She croaked across the several yards still separating us. “…how are you?” Her arms came up, ready to embrace her daughter.
“I’m well mother.”
‘Mother’…? The two embraced and kissed. Then Allie’s mother held her at arm’s length and closely inspected her daughter.
“You do look a bit tired. Are you getting enough sleep?” Then with a soured expression she killed the entire day for poor Allie. “Are you putting on more weight again?”
‘Bitch…’ I thought. I could see any joy within poor Allie just leave her as her eyes dulled. Did her mother need to make that sound like a statement? It was a double slap in the face, no doubt perfected over years of verbally slapping various people. Now was the time for me to be the total artist…immersed in the truth…as I saw it.
“So…” She turned toward me with a very toothy smile. “You must be Andi…the artist.”
“Yes… And a merry Christmas to you...” I couldn’t approach her in the toothy department but I did smile.
“You must find it difficult to make ends meet as an artist.”
What a very odd statement. She was going straight into my pockets to have a look.
“Actually, I seem to be doing quite well. I have a job with an advertising firm as a graphic artist.”
“Andi just had a showing at the Preston Gallery.” Allie added that with a revived excitement.
“Ahhh… You sold a painting.”
I hated the manner in which she stated her questions as though they were statements of facts.
“Well…” I actually blushed carmesi red and looked at Allie with a smile. “We sold almost everything. The pieces Allie and I did were quite desirable and rather sold quickly.”
“Really…? How interesting…”
Allie’s mother seemed quite astonished that her daughter’s work could be wanted by others. Allie blushed vivid auburn, grasped my hand and gently squeezed; an action not lost on her mother.
“But it really was a study I did of Allie that took the show. Several prospective buyers were actually bidding on the painting.”
I had to giggle as I recalled the scene with Bob Preston in the middle.
“Really…?”
Mommy’s voice seemed to find an even lower octave to express further disbelief. She looked at her daughter with surprise.
“You posed? Nude…?”
“No…” I had to answer this one. Allie is too honest sometimes? “Allie was as attired as one might be at the beach. And the pose was quite modest…and robed.”
“Well…” Mom breathed the word! “I don’t see how being dressed so scantily as they seem to be these days at the beach could be confused with modesty.”
I had such a crusher that I couldn’t resist.
“Some of the greatest artists of all time…especially some of the French and Italian Renaissance masters…were able to paint a woman without any clothes on and yet portray her modesty…her humility…her femininity without invoking anything vulgar or profane. That is where we differ from the average male. A male sees a nude woman and immediately the most carnal of thoughts form in his mind. Just think of the work of Raffaello or Michaelangelo’s Sistine Chapel ceiling. Allie…”
I turned my head slightly to notice I had suddenly attracted a small group of people who seemed to be listening to me.
“…was the perfect study for me. Had she lived during the time of those masters, no doubt they would have sought her out to immortalize in oils.” I turned to gaze at Allie. “She has a timeless and classical beauty.”
“But the two people you mentioned are men.”
I turned to see a rather neat, finely manicured man with horn rimmed glasses and the emblem of a club of some sort on his blazer breast pocket. He was, no doubt, yet another member of the leisure class.
“Ah…but they are more than simply men.”
I love using the present tense for dead artists. I mean…we’re still speaking of them so are they truly dead? I had to giggle.
“What sets them, and others like them, apart is they can look at a woman…” I couldn’t resist placing my hand upon Allie’s mom’s shoulder. “…as something other than simply an anatomical invitation to procreate.”
I noticed that several of the women…the younger ones in particular…who had gathered in our ever expanding group nodded their heads in agreement. I was so pleased with myself at that moment. I could have started a war between the sexes with little trouble.
As I walked about the large room gazing at each portrait, I held forth on the particular period and the gathering seemed to follow me and grow in size. Allie had disappeared at some point and I didn’t see her until quite late in the afternoon when dessert was being served.
Her lovely face was reddened and I couldn’t help but notice the crumpled tissues in her hand. Allie had been crying. As she held my hand and squeezed for a brief moment, I couldn’t help but ask.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah…” She sniffled and wiped her nose. “I can’t wait to leave.”
Allie had two glasses of wine before we left. She felt she needed that to maintain any façade of civility. Once in the car, Allie let me begin the drive home. We sat in silence for the first ten minutes or so. I was letting her take her own time in letting go of whatever was done to her.
“It was awful.” Allie said softly as she stared off to the side. “They think we’re in a lesbian relationship.”
I thought about that for a moment and then burst out in laughter.
“What is so funny?” Allie said softly as tears began to appear again. “They said I couldn’t get a man because I’m too fat and I don’t keep the right company and…” Allie stopped and stared at me. “What is so funny!” She demanded.
“You should have told them I had a dick!” I cackled. “They would have had a coronary!”
“That’s not funny Andi!” Allie fumed.
“It would be if they knew the size!” I couldn’t contain myself.
That finally got a chuckle out of Allie…albeit reluctantly. I guess the image of me exposing myself to them finally broke the malaise she was in. By the time we returned home, Allie was in a much better mood. However I was a nervous wreck. I would be much happier with her doing the driving in the future. We both took some time to freshen ourselves and kind of wind down from the emotional afternoon.
I didn’t like becoming as verbally aggressive as I had when I first encountered ‘mother dearest’ but I suppose both of her parents are bullies of the worst kind. Allie didn’t expect them to come at her as they did and by the time she recognized those same old wounds being reopened, it was too late.
I went into the kitchen to get something non-alcoholic to drink. I was rummaging around in the fridge when Allie came in with a gift wrapped box. She was grinning as she hugged me and kissed me.
“Merry Christmas sweet heart...” She backed away and handed me the box.
“Oh my God…!” I was surprised.
I mean I sort of expected a little something but I went so long without anything really special at any time of the year that the smallest thing I received was truly a great joy and pleasure. I recognized the gift wrapping of her second home. Bloomie’s of course...
I glanced at Allie with my biggest smile as I carefully nudged the ribbon over the corner of the box. It had to be clothing; the one thing I couldn’t have enough of. I carefully removed the wrapping paper…
“Come on…! Open it already!”
Allie was more excited than I was. She couldn’t wait to see her expected expression on my face.
I carefully removed the wrapping paper giggling like a fool. Now I really would take my time if for no other reason than to drive her crazy. Allie was not exactly your delayed gratification kind of girl. She was bouncing on her toes as I took off the box top and set it aside with the neatly folded wrapping paper and the ribbon.
I opened the tissue paper to find what I thought was a gorgeous camisole top. It was cream colored with a delicate silver threaded geometric pattern. It wasn’t until I grasped the delicate straps and lifted it up that I saw it was a dress.
I was stunned. It was gorgeous. The fabric was silk and the length appeared to fall too just above my knees. This was definitely a cocktail dress and a gorgeous one at that. I was totally overcome with emotion. I hugged Allie not letting go of the straps.
“Oh my God…! This is so…so amazing!”
This was something I would never have thought to buy for myself. I felt a tear well up as I held the piece at arm’s length and simply gazed at it.
“I have to try it on!”
This kind of dress had to fit me perfectly? I mean…it’s a tank top with spaghetti straps and the fabric was so light and delicate that it almost had to be worn braless. The only problem is that I barely had boobs to go braless with? I almost didn’t care as I held the dress against me trying to gauge how it would look.
“Come on…go try it on.” Allie was bursting to see me in this dress.
Really this was kind of a first for me in that the gown would need to wait for an occasion. This dress I could wear out even to go dancing or something…anything after working hours really. I rushed to my bedroom and quickly stripped down to my panty. I slipped the dress over my head and luxuriated in feeling the silk lining sliding down my body till the straps fell into place on my shoulders. The coolness of the material felt wonderful against my ever itching nipples.
I reached around my back to pull the zipper up. I got it most of the way but failed to get it all the way up. I went to my mirror to have a look and, as luck would have it, the fit was nearly perfect. This dress was designed for a woman with ‘next to nothing’ sized boobs. But I didn’t think a bra would work. The cut of the bodice was almost too low to afford coverage for anything other than maybe fashion forms for some support and shaping, and modesty.
I slipped my pumps on and went back into the kitchen to show Allie. I was aglow as I turned this was and that and spun completely around. Allie smiled and nodded her approval. We discussed the boob issue. Allie said we’d need to glue them in place and maybe then add the fashion forms. The color of my boobs was close enough to my natural skin tone to have the edges concealed with a bit of foundation and coloring.
If I didn’t move radically and I wasn’t going out dancing…at least dancing too actively…I shouldn’t have a problem. Anyway, I could always wear a lace or silk wrap or shawl or even a boa of some type.
“I know just when I’m going to wear this.” It occurred to me in a flash. Like the light bulb went off over my head or something.
“Oh?” Allie leaned on her elbows and suddenly perked up to the oncoming news report.
“Yeah… On next Tuesday night when Peter takes out that potential client and his wife. This’ll be perfect!”
“Oh my God…! You’re going to fuck him…aren’t you?” Allie’s eyes popped wide open and her jaw dropped in a smile. “That’s what that dress is you know. It’s a ‘fuck me’ dress. I mean…I should know. You def need to get some higher heeled pumps to wear. We could look around for the right pair tomorrow.”
I looked at Allie and grinned as I continued to sort of pose and move in the dress. But in truth I was thinking about what she said. And she was right. Maybe I did want to fuck Peter and I knew that this dress would elicit that kind of response from him. Maybe I did want to look ‘hot’ for a change…to see if I could even pull it off. Maybe I wanted to see if I could be that sensual vixen that seemed to come so naturally to Allie.
But instead of being that lush, plush, fertility Goddess type, I would need to be the super sophisticated type. I would mousse my hair straight back and wear a bold red lipstick with a bit more blue to it and go for a really dramatic look with smoky eyes and all. I channeled Parisian clubs during the nineteen thirties with their decadence and hot gypsy jazz music. My mind was awhirl with every romantic image I’d ever taken in.
“Just remember to have your extra panty and liner handy. Oh…” Allie perked up again. “And tissues...”
“What…?”
“You’ll need tissues.”
“I always have a few with me.”
“No… I mean more than a few.”
“Why…?”
“Are you going to sleep with him?”
“First of all… My dear…” I gazed at her intensely. “I don’t know that I’m going to fuck him. And even if I did, I would have to come back home because I definitely would not be bringing an extra wardrobe to wear the next day.”
“So…” Allie was giggling now. “You’d have to wear that dress home, right?”
“Yeah...? So…?”
“Then you’ll need the tissues so that you won’t stain your panty or that dress when you’re on your way home.” Now she was chuckling. It took me a minute to realize what she was telling me.
“Oh my God… Allie…!” I put my hands on my hips faking irritation at what she said. “You are so bad!”
“Listen…I’m only speaking from experience.” She laughed. “You don’t want to leak any of Peter all over your dress, or the cab seat for that matter. I mean you’ll be the one who has to sit in it if you forget.”
I smiled and giggled and continued to relish how this dress felt on. God…! I never thought I would ever go this far. Yet in less than a month I owned two amazing pieces. I walked over to the nearest mirror and as I gazed at myself I thought how lovely this would look once I had more boobage. In fact, if the straps could be made just slightly tighter…I could get by just as I was with my little ‘bumps’ and some kind of a shawl; something in a silk and silver threaded pattern.
“What do you think about this?” I asked Allie as I held the straps up raising the dress about a half inch.
“Hmmm… It’s doable.” She got off her stool and came up behind me to see how they were attached to the back. “Here sweetie…let’s zip it up all the way.”
Allie zipped it up and then took hold of the straps where I had and lifted until the deep scoop of the front was at a more…modest height?
“Yeah… This could work. And we can always let it down when… when you fill in?” Allie giggled.
“You’re the best!” I hugged her and kissed her cheek.
I rushed back into my bedroom to change and hang up the dress. Once I had my lounging tee on, I rushed into my studio to get the portrait I’d been working on for her. I had actually finished it several days ago but the oils do take time to dry.
I painted Allie at her wheel trimming a piece she had just thrown. I remember how deeply she concentrated on what she was doing. Her intent demeanor wasn’t simply for the sake of accuracy of form; she was savoring the act itself; the creation of something from nothing; the art of the craft.
I carefully lifted the canvas and carried it in the kitchen where Allie sat at the counter with her back toward me. I carefully set the painting down on a counter with the top resting against one of the glass doors of the shelves. She knew I was in the kitchen but Allie was sipping her tea at the moment and didn’t suspect that I had done anything other than enter the room.
“This is for you…what do you think?”
I smiled as I came up behind her and placed my hands on her shoulders. I slowly spun her around till she faced the painting.
“Oh…my…God!”
Allie got off her stool to have a closer look. It was a fair sized canvas at twenty four inches by thirty. Allie came closer yet. Her mouth was wide opened as were her eyes.
“Well? Do you like it?”
I was beginning to worry when she did nothing but stare at the painting. She looked at me without changing expression. Now I was really worried. I thought the work was quite good. But… Well… I am biased you know.
“I have another one you might like.”
“NO…!”
I didn’t expect such a vehement response. Allie looked at me with tears in her eyes.
“This is…”
She was having trouble speaking. I handed her a napkin to wipe her tears.
“This is…simply wonderful! It’s an exceptional…no…it’s a great work. Are you sure you want to give it to me?” I could tell her question was a serious one.
“I can’t think of anyone I’d rather see have this.”
I hugged her and whispered a Merry Christmas into her ear. We both turned to look at the painting, my arm around her shoulder and her arm around my waist.
“I can almost smell the dust.” She laughed and sniffled. “Where should we put it?”
“How about in our little dining area…? We’re certainly back and forth across that area and, when we have guests, they’ll have no choice but to see you with dirt on your face.” I laughed.
She was gorgeous even when dirty faced.
“I almost feel like hanging it somewhere near the entrance so that everyone can see it the moment they come in. I mean…this is really a breathtaking work.” Allie shook her head slowly. “Nobody has ever given me anything like this before. I mean…”
She turned into me to hold my waist with both of her hands. She leaned her head onto my shoulder.
“I’ve gotten things of value before. But this is extra special because it’s really like a piece of someone.” She looked into my eyes for just a moment. “It’s like a piece of you.”
“Well…I have to tell you that this is the very best Christmas I’ve ever had and it’s really due to you. If I hadn’t met you…I probably would be spending it alone.”
“Or worse yet… With Peter…?” Allie laughed though I thought I detected just a wee trace of…jealousy?
Next on the ‘Andi and Allie’ show… He wears dresses. He uses cosmetics. He loves his kitten heels. He’s on hormones. His boss is crazy about him and Andi’s weakening. But he’s not in transition? Even I’m confused!!! All this and more in the continuing saga of…‘Andi and Allie’!!!
Andi and Allie Chapter 15
If the shoe fits…?
After viewing the painting for a bit longer, we made the decision to have something to eat at home and to make it an easy evening. I put the painting in my studio to keep it out of harm’s way till it could be hung. Allie went to her bedroom to change out of her dress and get into her lounge wear.
By the time she returned, sans dress, makeup and definitely looking far more comfortable, I had assembled a variety of goodies upon the tea cart; cheeses, cut fruit, bits of this and that and a pile of toast. She added a bottle of wine that needed finishing and two glasses. We wheeled the cart into the cave, put the television on to a music channel, and sat of the couch to feast.
We enjoyed simply sitting and talking and feeding each other little bits of what was on the cart. I felt a pleasant and warm aura surround us, a very familiar sense of being in a home, as we sat there. I was afraid I was becoming spoiled and I didn’t intend to stop it or do anything to change that. And it was entirely due to Allie.
She finally fell asleep with her feet on my lap after I had massaged them. I managed to slip out from under her, cover her with a blanket, and sneak off into my room where I took a shower and masturbated thinking of her…and Peter.
The next day we both slept in. It had snowed a bit more to add a new coat of whiteness to the already dirty shades city snow tended to adopt almost as rapidly as it fell. Allie came into my bedroom to wake me and she climbed between the sheets to fend off the coolness of the morning. I was on my side facing her and she giggled as she watched me. Her aroma permeated the air and I found that to be quite enticing.
“So…” She said with a giggle. “This is what it would be like to wake up next to you.”
I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I really didn’t know what to say. I giggled and pulled the blanket over my head.
“Oh… No you don’t!” Allie pulled the blanket back down. “We have to decide what to do today. I think we should go up to Eight street and see if anything is open. Maybe we can find you some shoes and I’m sure we can find a shawl of some sort.”
I so desired to reach out and just touch Allie’s face but I was frozen. I kind of realized that at this particular moment she saw me as her roommate…maybe even her female roommate…and as her friend; her female friend. I gazed at her and smiled. Inside I felt like grabbing her and hugging her to me. I felt like screaming out how I wanted her. But all I could do was gaze and smile.
“It’s going to be really yucky walking around out there.” That was all I could offer.
“Well…you have those work shoe sort of things I’ve seen you wear in the studio.”
“Yeah…but I’ll need to wear heavy socks with them.”
“Just bring a pair of knee highs with you. Or wear them underneath your socks. You’ll certainly be warmer that way.”
There was no defeating Allie when she had a plan nor did I really want to.
“Okay… We’ll eat when we get there?”
“Yeah… So you’re up for it?”
Her eyes were wild and bright and she was nodding her head furiously. She was definitely excited about going out and doing a little shopping; especially for shoes.
“Uhhh…sure.” I giggled.
Suddenly Allie hopped up and threw the blanket off of her. She squealed and jumped on top of me. I pulled the blanket over my head again as she began to bounce on top of me. Although I loved her playful moods, which seemed to be coming more often of late, this was something totally new.
She was like a little kid playing with a younger sibling maybe? I was laughing as she then tried to tickle me, and I might add quite successfully, through the blanket. Then, with one swift strong movement, she pulled the blanket entirely off of me and bounced out of the bed.
“Okay sleepy head… Time to get moving...”
And Allie ran off to her room leaving me laughing and cussing and wondering what had gotten into her.
I hurried and managed to shower and get partially dressed within a half hour. I forwent my morning fantasy session in the shower for fear of Allie suddenly coming in and surprising me. Whilst she has never done that before, this new frisky side of her was…well…new and not very predictable; although I must say I enjoyed seeing the child in her so close to the surface.
Today would be a blue jean day so I grabbed my one pair of semi-ratty low rise jeans. I sometimes wore these in the studio. I was a bit perturbed that they were becoming too tight to button where not very long ago they were quite loose. They were unduly tight on my butt and hips. This was obviously a result of the ‘mones I’d been taking for several months now.
Next I dug for my pink sweat shirt with the rose colored beading. I would own this sweat shirt till it was only a scrape of fabric. It was my fave for several years and, in truth, was one of the first obviously femme garments I bought when I began school here in the city. One of the first things I did upon arriving here from the Bakersfield area was to ditch almost all my clothes and buy a new, more suitable wardrobe. Of course I didn’t eat very well for the next month and one half having used so much of my stipend.
I found a pair of sweat socks to put on over my thigh highs and I put on my huge clunky tan work boots…really very heavy shoes…and tied the laces. Next I was off to the bathroom to put on the final touches of a day out in town. A touch or two of mascara, a swipe of blush, a pale pink lipstick and a coat of light reddish lip gloss and I was ready to face the world.
I met Allie in the kitchen sipping her coffee. She was unduly fast in dressing today as well. She looked so cute in a flannel tartan shirt and her jeans. She was wearing heavy white socks and her moccasins. I knew she wasn’t wearing her moccasins out so I was a bit mystified until I saw a pair of bright yellow down filled boots with black clamps that snugged them up.
We drove up to the Village and parked in a garage. Allie insisted that I drive, yet again. She said I needed the practice and, to be totally honest, that was no doubt true. I can’t say that having a car in the city is a convenience but on crappy days like today, it sure beats trying to get a cab or an Uber to go anywhere.
I must say that within minutes of our arrival I found a pair of silver pumps that would suit the dress, and the occasion, perfectly. And… This would be my first real pair of heels…all two and one half stiletto inches of them. I saw a pair of open toed kitten heels that would be perfect as well. After kicking off my heavy shoes and socks, I tried both pairs on. And both fit my delicate feet perfectly.
Though I’d often admired the look of high heels, I could never seem to get around to owning any. The height was quite intimidating for one thing. And I was in dire fear of falling and perhaps breaking an ankle or some other body part that I would be in need of.
I once tried walking in a pair of four inch heels but that proved way daunting and I didn’t even get to the end of the shop. But both seemed gentle enough and the inner sole was cushioned for comfort. Allie, of course, wanted me to try on several different heights and I did. I went as high as four and one half inches but I didn’t walk more than maybe five or six feet and I held onto her shoulder as I cautiously stepped along in them.
I felt myself giving way lately. I was not really very sure to what but I knew one thing for sure; I was really trusting Allie as I had never trusted anyone before. Just the very act of trying on that gown was a major change in the way I perceived myself. Now with the impending donning of that wonderful cocktail dress for an evening out with Peter, and new potential client and his wife, my following Allie’s lead implicitly was a new giant leap of faith.
As Allie tried on several different shoes, I walked…no…strutted back and forth in the shop. Every time I passed by a mirror, I would look at the pumps on my feet and silently scream ‘WOW’. I even raised the legs of my jeans as much as I could just to see how the shoes made my calves stand out and how my thigh highs disappeared into the upper vamp. In truth, at that moment, I knew that these would not be the last pairs of heels I bought.
After Allie had her fill of trying on different styles of shoes, we gathered our things, two boxes heavier, and walked out of the shop toward Sixth Avenue. We gazed into the windows of the various shops trying to find that one special missing piece; a shawl or stole that would complete my outfit.
Thankfully Allie and I always seemed to be on the same wave length when it came to art, food and fashion. She suggested that we walk down Sixth until we came to Bleeker Street. She knew of a very nice Italian deli type of place where we could get something to eat. Finally, with snow lightly falling and our noses freely running as the temperature dropped, we came upon Faicco’s.
Now I must confess that I have never really been a big fan of Italian food. I mean everything always seems to be in red sauce, or on red sauce. And ninety nine percent of the time is was pizza or pasta…with red sauce. Allie was quite knowledgeable on my criticism and has wanted to expose me to the ‘other side’ of Italian cuisine.
Of course I immediately thought that a deli would not necessarily be the proper location to sample gourmet foods but I was wrong. Allie set to work ordering starting with a salad plate of various sliced meats, cheeses, peppers and olives. Then she went for the rice balls and another salad thingy with chopped tomatoes, onions, little green thingies, and it was served on spiced bread.
I mean we really had a feast and everything was really so good. Granted, the cheeses and some of the meats didn’t smell so great but as soon as they got past my oversized nose and into my mouth…well…I couldn’t get enough! The entire meal was a veritable orgasm for the mouth, and tummy.
We finished our meal splitting a chocolate cannoli and cappuccinos. As I sipped my coffee, I thought about how much bigger my world had become since leaving school. Then I thought about Peter and the dinner Tuesday night and I had to giggle.
“What?” Allie looked up with a relaxed expression and a smile on her face.
“Nothing…” I shook my head and smiled. “I’m just thinking about the dinner and how different life is these days.”
“You’re not kidding!” Allie giggled and leaned in closer. “I never thought I’d ever see you in a dress and now you can’t wait to wear one!”
“Very funny…!” I rolled my eyes and exhibited my ‘give me a break’ look.
“I know. But that’s what life’s about once you leave school. It’s the real world coming at you.”
“I know that. But…” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “…sometimes I feel a bit lost. Like this dinner thing. I mean…why am I there? Nobody is a better salesman than Peter.”
“Maybe…” Allie thought for a moment and spoke very seriously. “…you’re playing his wife.”
“What?” I was very surprised at her answer.
“Well…? This guy is bringing his wife…right? Peter probably wants someone there to kind of even the odds? And he does want someone there he can trust to do the right thing?”
“The right thing?” WTF??? “And what would that be?”
“That’s easy.” Allie laughed. “Simply follow his lead. And…if you can…keep the wife totally occupied. Yeah... Don’t let her feel left out. There’s a reason he’s bringing her and I doubt it’s just to keep tabs on him.”
“What?” Huh?
“Oh God…” Allie rolled her eyes and smiled patiently. “…maybe it’s her money?”
“Ohhh… Yeah...” Hmmm… I looked at my nails. “I wish I could get my nails done before Tuesday night.” I looked up at Allie. “I was thinking of maybe going really dramatic, you know? Maybe like ox blood red or even deeper; smoky eyes or something…anything different. I want to look hot, you know?”
I wanted Allie’s opinion. I needed Allie’s opinion.
“You are so bad!” Allie laughed. “You’re getting worse than me.”
“Why?” I was really curious why she would say something like that.
“Because! All you want to do is get fucked by Peter. Are you planning on sleeping with him?”
Sometimes Allie’s bluntness shocked me and this was no exception. She giggled and eyed me with an odd expression. It was kind of like she knew something I didn’t…which was usually true anyway. I’d actually thought about both; getting fucked and sleeping over. I must admit the getting fucked sounded more appealing than the sleeping over part?
“You know…sometimes I want him so badly that I can’t stand it. I mean like sometimes I have to just get up and leave the office.”
I could feel tears start to well up and that weird pain of desire unfulfilled begin. Allie looked at me and smiled quite sympathetically as she nodded her head in agreement. She understood just what I felt.
And then there are times I really desired Allie. Now a tear did fall. I caught it, and one or two others, with my napkin. I want to…I don’t know…be naked with her? I want to touch her and feel her and bury myself in her. It’s like I want to have a religious experience with her.
“You what…?”
Allie’s voice brought me back to the present…thankfully.
“You know.” I raised my hands and looked up at the ceiling and said in a voice not quite loud enough to be heard by the entire deli; “OH…! MY…! GOD…!”
“Ohhh…” Allie giggled. “One of ‘those’… I happen to be very fond of ‘those’ myself although I haven’t had one of ‘those’ in some time now.”
“Why can’t I have even one?”
Okay… So I whined. Nobody’s perfect you know.
“Who says you can’t?” Allie smiled at me with a look of amazement.
I actually thought about it for a moment…but…
“Suppose it was you? Would you want to share someone you loved with somebody else?” Then I remembered. She did…although she didn’t know it. “I mean if he’s not married?”
I don’t think I made my faux pas any better with that statement. And Allie was cutting me no slack with a very hard glaring gaze. Then she laughed.
“I know what you mean. All three would have to agree with what’s going on and then the question of it meaning that the three must be faithful to the others or can they in turn have another lover as well. I mean what’s good for the goose and all that.”
“Huh?”
“And then what about special occasions and holidays? I mean who gets custody of the one in the middle? That’s you! Do you do Thanksgiving with one and Christmas with the other or do you all move in together and have a nice chummy life?” Allie laughed again.
“You’re not being of any help. This is very serious for me. I don’t know what to do.”
Okay… So maybe I tend to whine a lot. But I was so very confused and I was looking for…something…anything; a hint or a clue.
“Look sweet heart… I certainly couldn’t say not to try out a few cars before you buy one? But buy only one. I would want total fidelity from anyone I was going to have a relationship with. I’ve yet to get that. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I simply haven’t found the right person yet.”
I listened to Allie and I nodded in agreement. I understood what she was trying to tell me. I had to make a choice.
“And I think you would want to same. I mean…”
Allie began speaking with her hands as well as her words. I loved that manner in which she would suddenly become very animated.
“You are so very sensitive to so many different things…and emotions. I know that you would want one person you could trust completely. Now I’m sure both of the people you are interested in would be trustable, but what happens when you wind up with two conflicting views? Look at what you’re going through right now.”
Allie certainly had a point. I was going crazy between the two of them and I hadn’t even done anything…provocative? I felt that Peter was especially dangerous for me. I couldn’t even be around him without trembling with excitement. He has this aura of masculinity that kind of overwhelms me if I get too close to him. If he has me within arm’s length…it’s all over. It takes every bit of my will power not to drop to my knees and…well…you know. And I’m around him nearly as much as I’m around Allie.
But once I get past the physicality of his being, there’s really not much else. I mean it’s not like he’s an air head or anything. And he does seem to understand me. On an artistic level he allows me complete freedom in doing my job and I do enjoy his counsel which is only offered when I request it?
But there’s no touching of our spirits. It’s kind of like two people on parallel paths but those paths simply can’t seem to intersect at any point other than the sexual one. Yeah, I know, it’s the artist within me speaking. But, let’s face it, that’s what I am.
With Allie it’s different…very different. It’s definitely not like I want to drop to my knees and stick my face into her vagina. And it’s definitely not that I want to rip off all her clothes and…well…fuck her brains out. I mean there is definitely a very strong physical component to what I feel toward her. It’s just not really very sexual as much as…sensual?
But the other part, the touching of the spirits, it’s definitely there and it’s definitely strong. We commune on so many different levels it seems. When we work together on something, and we do work together oh so well, it’s almost like another part of me is speaking through her.
And she seems to see what very little my eyes miss. I love it when she critiques something I’m working on and I need an opinion. Though I trust Peter on a visual level, I trust Allie on an artistic level as well.
When I think about our past together, I can’t help but recall all of the moments, both big and little, that Allie willingly assisted in the growth of ‘Andi’. She not only assisted but also initiated some aspects of my persona; from my first visit to the salon to the gifting of my ‘boobs’ and now to the gifting of my very first cocktail dress.
Okay, I’ll grant you that perhaps she was playing with me as if I was a live Barbi Doll. And certainly she took great joy and pleasure whenever we ‘played’ in that fashion. But she also never seemed to call it a game or playing. And she never belittled me because of this little eccentricity of mine. She made it all seem so…so natural…so…normal.
To Peter’s great credit, he never looked at me as some kind of…freak? His treatment of me as an employee, and as a human being, exhibited nothing other than the greatest respect and even admiration. I’m sure that the reason my co-workers were more tolerant of my behavior and manner of dress was due to Peter’s, and Rhona’s, complete and unconditional acceptance of me.
Of course the real problem is my persona; the ‘femme’ Andi. Will I, or have I, become so ‘femme’ that Peter will not be able to accept me as a lover. I mean, after all, he is decidedly gay and, by definition, desires men. His attraction to me certainly hasn’t lessened as my physical image becoming closer to my mental image of how I should look. But will I reach a point where all that was male within me becomes so sublimated that he can no longer associate me with that particular gender?
The same holds true with Allie. Bless her heart, Allie never altered her relationship with me because of my appearance and, if anything, we’ve become even closer. But have I become so femme that she cannot see me as a lover because she also desires men…and all that is masculine in nature.
“Earth to Andi…earth to Andi…? Where are you Andi?” Allie giggled.
I became so lost in thought that I failed to hear her speaking to me.
“Sorry…” I laughed. “I was just thinking about things.”
“I think it’s time to get going sweetie. It’s starting to snow for real and we do need to walk back to the car.”
I looked out the window and saw that although it was only about two, the darkness of the sky and the snow made it seem later, much later. I paid the bill and we bundled up to brave the cold and snowy walk. Arms linked, we began our trek. The entire way back to the car my mind was still occupied with my dilemma. Allie certainly lent clarity to my situation and now the only thing left for me to do is exert some restraint and make my decision.
Upon returning home, I realized that we were still shy one important piece to my ensemble; the shawl…stole. I couldn’t wait to see how both pairs of shoes looked with the dress so I quickly disrobed and put on the dress again and then the pumps. I walked around my bedroom several times gazing at myself in the mirror and savoring the feeling of both the shoes on my feet and the dress against my body. I did the same with the sandals.
Allie came in and looked quite pleased that I was enjoying her gift. She sat on my bed and watched me parade about.
“You really look killer in that dress. I wish I could wear something like that.” I could hear a hint of sadness in Allie’s voice.
“Yeah? Well I wish I could wear some of the things you have.”
That was the truth. She was so curvaceous that anything draping or with a revealing top made her look like a Grecian or Roman Goddess. Or, my favorite analogy was an urban fertility Goddess.
“Oh God Allie, what am I going to do about the shawl? I mean I really have no cleavage to speak of and I don’t want to have to fake it.” I turned toward the mirror and even with the pinned straps, without something to distract the eye from my obvious lack of boobage, the look was hit or miss.
“Don’t worry honey. I’ll find something tomorrow. I can stop at Bergdorf’s during lunch and if I can’t find anything, there’s always Bloomies after work.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
I knelt and hugged Allie. We always seemed to go the extra little bit for each another.
The snow abated sometime during the night and Monday began with a bright sunny, but frigid, morning. I actually slept in real pajamas; flannel ones at that! And I definitely needed my moccasins and my robe to get from my bed to the bathroom. I remained an extra few minutes in the shower to luxuriate in the heat of the water. I managed to steam up the mirrors so that I needed to wipe them down several times between my getting dried and dressed.
I went to the kitchen to get a cup of delicious smelling coffee. Allie had already left for the day. Her first mission was to return the rented car but she never failed to make coffee before she did anything else. I poured a cup and then went to finish dressing; that is…to do my makeup.
This was another habit I acquired from Allie. She would never let herself be seen without the barest of minimums; lipstick, mascara and maybe eye shadow. Of course once the day was finished, or before it began, she went nude. But I was the only one who ever saw her that way.
The cab ride to work was a mess. Between the melting snow and slush and the normal Monday morning madness, it took nearly twice as long as usual. But once I had my second coffee and sat at Rhona’s desk talking about…stuff…things felt almost normal for the first day of the week.
I was definitely waiting for Peter to come in. I really had a few questions for him that were, I felt, important. I needed to know what the lighting would be like and what the menu was and who would be sitting next to whom. I mean, how I looked would depend somewhat on these things. Well…maybe not the menu…but other things.
I was discussion my new dress with Rhona when Peter did arrive. As usual he gazed at us, shook his head, chuckled, and continued on to his office. I quickly grabbed a cup for him and followed not quite behind him. I wanted to give him time to at least sit and get his day somewhat organized before entering. I figured I’d give him two or three minutes.
“How did I know…” Peter laughed. “…that you would be the first one in?”
I giggled as I set his coffee down on his desk. Peter took a sip without taking his eyes off of me.
“You do look super today.” I blushed hot pink…as usual. “So Andi…what’s on your mind?” He motioned me toward the chair in front of his desk.
“Well…” I sat on the edge of the chair with my hands on his desk. “…I kind of wanted to know where we were eating? I mean…what’s the lighting like?”
“It’s called The Café Avon. It’s a lovely place off of Broadway not too far from here. They have a lovely ambience and the lighting is subdued. The food, by the way, is excellent. Why do you ask?”
“Well…” I blushed and smiled demurely. “…I wanted to look…well…good, you know?”
“Oh Andi…” Peter said with a hint of exasperation in his voice. “You always look good.”
“I have this new cocktail dress that I thought I’d wear. It’s…” Peter held up his hand and laughed.
“Surprise me... You’re the artist and I trust your judgment. Anyway, I can’t think of anything you couldn’t do justice to.”
That was a very sweet way of saying he wasn’t interested in discussing my wardrobe.
“Well…what are these people like?”
“That’s a good question. Evidentially the father owns the company but he’s not well enough to handle the day to day affairs. He’s sending his son-in-law and daughter to meet with us. The wife seems to be quite sharp. Apparently he’s a born again type of late so I really don’t know how it’s going to go.”
“So maybe I should say nothing?”
“Actually…I would rather have you speak and I say nothing.” Peter laughed.
He has such a wonderful laugh; free, open, and so full. I had to giggle.
“I think that you’ll be fine. Just answer anything that comes your way and try not to give them too much info. They probably won’t understand anything technical so don’t go there.”
“So I should simply follow your lead.”
“If you want to put it that way…yes…that would be fine.” Peter leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk. “Look, there’s nothing to be nervous about. Just be yourself and everything will be fine.”
He smiled confidently at me so what else could I do…I smiled confidently back at him.
“Oh…” I had to clear my throat for this one. “I need to leave after lunch tomorrow.”
Peter arched both eyebrows and smiled waiting to hear this one.
“I need to have my nails done?”
Peter broke up with laughter as he nodded his head. He wrote down the name and the address of the restaurant and the time I needed to be there. I must admit he was always very lenient with me when it came to my…unique requests? But… Then again… I guess he liked whatever result occurred. At least he never complained.
I got a text message from Allie in the afternoon to let me know that my nail appointment was for three on Tuesday and that she also found the perfect shawl at Bergdorf’s. Leave it to Allie to come up with just what is needed at the right time. Although I must say that a three o’clock appointment did make things a bit tight. I had to be at the restaurant by six to meet Peter.
Whilst I could dress and be ready for a night out in about an hour or so…that’s from into the shower to the front door…I always liked to take a bit of extra time when a special occasion was involved such as tonight. Everything had to be perfect. It’s kind of like doing a painting. I would sometimes take as long as twenty minutes just to do my eyes.
Once I was home I anxiously awaited the arrival of Allie and my new shawl. I was nervous, to say the least. Tomorrow evening was to be a huge evening for more than just acquiring new business. There was this whole thing with Peter and I felt that I would have to decide that by the New Year.
After all, I was attending his party with Allie and that would be a whole other situation to contend with. I mean I couldn’t very well go with her and stay with someone else. And how would Peter feel if I didn’t stay after spending the evening with him tomorrow…if that even occurred?
I’m sure Allie would never forgive me if I had to uninvited her, and I really didn’t want her to spend New Year’s Eve alone. That wouldn’t be fair especially if she rejected other offers to party. It was all so very confusing to me; making a choice.
I was too wound up to work in the studio so I did the next best thing. I went into the kitchen and began to prepare something for us to eat. I was becoming somewhat adept in the kitchen and I discovered that I was able to take the barest of ingredients and come up with something that, if nothing else, could be spread across some bread. And, on more than a mere rare occasion, I could actually prepare a very good meal.
Sometime between caramelizing the onions and adding the finely sliced garlic to the olive oil the realization of a major league truth struck me in the head like a cement truck going full speed into a steel wall! Peter was going to be enamored with me tonight, tomorrow, next week and next month. I sensed nothing less. And in reality I encouraged nothing less. It wasn’t as though I was going out of my way to keep him stringing along. But I really did nothing to discourage him either.
I was being rather selfish and very unfair toward Peter. I realize that now but…what do they say…whoever the hell ‘they’ are…hindsight is twenty-twenty? Now all I really needed to do was to concentrate my efforts on Allie. I could deal with the guilt over Peter later.
A huge smile became affixed to my face and the heavy weight of indecision and anxiety lifted off my narrow shoulders just as the breaded veal cutlets hit the pan and Allie walked through the door.
“Oh my God!!! Something smells wonderful!”
I could feel as well as hear her smile as she entered the kitchen to drop her purse and bag on the counter along the wall.
“Somebody went all out tonight.”
Her voice lilted like a familiar aire as she came over and put her arms around me in greeting. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of her face against my neck.
“Mmmm… I guess I felt creative tonight.” I smiled as she turned to see what was cooking in the covered pot.
“Well… It sounds like someone’s in a good mood…for a change.” She laughed.
I must admit I had been moody since Peter told me about the dinner.
“Yeah… Well… I came to a decision today. I’m not going to sleep with Peter tomorrow night.”
“Oh my God…! Really…? And I went to all the trouble of finding just the perfect shawl for you.”
Allie went to her hobo bag and retrieved a box with the Bergdorf logo on it. She popped off the ribbon and then the top to remove a gorgeous metallic silver shawl. She then folded it perfectly into a stole so that I could see the effect.
“Oh my God…! It’s gorgeous!”
I reached out to touch the material. It was very lustrous and as a stole it was wide enough to obscure the parts…in question?
“I have to try this on!”
“Wait until after we eat. Anyway, since you’re not going to sleep with him, why bother? I mean, it is a lot of trouble to go through.” Allie picked at one of the baby asparagus steaming in a spiced concoction of water, lemon, and mixed peppercorns.
“You of all people…” I laughed. “…should ask such a thing?”
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t walk out that door unless you look…” I couldn’t think of a word strong enough. “…amazing. And you always do look really amazing.”
Allie grasped my hand as she smiled and blushed candy pink.
Allie might have grown somewhat inure to my compliments. But I am also sure that she was truly beginning to believe the things I would say. It’s not like I was fabricating anything. It’s just that I know from my own experience hearing negative poopie shit about oneself year after year, especially during one’s formative years, takes a long time to come to terms with.
We spoke about different things as we ate but I must admit that my mind was elsewhere. I was thinking about when and where I was going to make my intentions known to Allie. I truly must confess that fear was my biggest enemy.
I was so frightened about what I felt toward her. The emotions I felt toward her were so very powerful and pervasive. My fear and nervousness was equally as paralyzing with Peter. But at least with Peter there was a familiarity of gender and sexuality that was ever so slightly stronger than my fear of rejection and failure?
And of course I was able to at least ‘perform’ semi-adequately twice…with two different guys! And I must admit the experience was…pleasurable and mildly positive although not totally fulfilling
And what if she said ‘yes’? Then what…? I had no idea of what to do. I mean I had a very rough idea; but it’s one thing to boil and egg and quite another to make a quiche. With Allie, I wasn’t sure I could even ‘boil an egg’ and I so badly wanted to connect with her on so many different levels all at once.
That in itself was a mystery to me. I’ve know people who were girls and I’ve had associations with girls but this was something so totally different for me. I’d never felt such a strong and almost overwhelming desire…a strong and overwhelming physical desire…to be with a woman. I felt this was the only way to complete everything she’d become to me.
After dining and sorting out the dishes and cookware, I rushed to my bedroom to don the dress and shoes once again. I really wanted to try on the shawl and see what look would work the best. I tried it as a stole in the manner that Allie had originally folded it. Though it was okay, it did have that…ecumenical look? Then I tried a diagonal fold. That really didn’t work.
Finally I tried a single fold along the length. The width was now enough to cover me from my neck to several inched down my arm. Though it did obscure the lovely simplicity of the garment’s lines, my lack of enough boobage to properly fill the décolletage would not really be noticed. Another advantage to wearing the shawl in this manner is that it would also provide some protection against any chill within the restaurant.
Although neither of us was totally thrilled with this quick fix, we agreed that it would do. What would have worked nicely is a blazer in a matching cream color. We also agreed that this dress was totally uber cool and I would definitely make great use of it once I…once I grew out a little more?
Tuesday was a manic day for me. I didn’t sleep all that well to begin with. The evening was on my mind. The crispness of the morning air in my room certainly was the cold slap in the face I needed to at least become awake enough to begin my toiletries after fetching a cup of Allie’s wonderful coffee.
I managed to dry myself, do my face, dress, and finish my coffee all within one half hour. Now that is some kind of record. I rushed into the kitchen to try and have a second cup whilst coordinating my day with Allie. I knew it would take at least an hour to do my nails and Allie had sworn a ‘blood oath’ to do my makeup. With an appointment at three and allowing for whatever delays might occur, Allie would meet me here at four thirty.
I would need to wash and style my hair and dress before Allie could begin. I had full faith in her ability to affect the look I wanted. This had gone far beyond simply looking the part of the temptress for Peter.
I truly wanted to be the hottest looking individual in that restaurant. And I wanted to be that simply because I really thought I could. If it was within my powers, I would have wanted to be the hottest looking person in Manhattan! I was going to take my little performance art piece further than I ever had before.
“By the way, we have an appointment at that spa on Thursday.” Allie sipped her coffee and read a letter as she informed me.
“What?” I had completely forgotten about Jill’s wonderful gift!
“We’ll take the day.” Allie turned toward me. “Trust me, this is something that doesn’t come along very often and you do want to look and feel your absolute best for Peter’s party.” Allie giggled.
“Yeah… If I can get the time off…”
From the look on Allie’s face I knew I was a bit snarky in the tone of my reply.
I was slightly annoyed at Allie’s attitude. Well… Actually… I was slightly annoyed at myself more than at Allie. I was so busy getting wound up about tonight that I forgot about the main event! I quickly went to Allie and hugged her, burying my face in her neck.
“I’m sorry.” I said bringing my face up to meet hers. “I’m just so nervous about tonight.” I stepped back and picked up my coffee.
“It’s okay. I do understand. I also know that if it was me…? I’d rather be just about anywhere else.” She reached over and held my arm for a moment. “But if you want to really know something?” Allie gazed at me with excitement in her eyes. “You are going to be the evening because you are going to look so…so killer!” She laughed.
I thought about what she said all the way to the office. The streets were a mess so I took a cab. I could’ve walked there faster between the traffic and the mess of the melting snow. When I finally arrived, I found Rhona in her usual place with my coffee mug sitting in its usual spot opposite hers on her desk.
After depositing my things at my work station, I came back to sit and join Rhona for our usual morning ritual. From the moment I sat down I began to unload on poor Rhona. Every fear and insecurity and fault and frailty I could possibly think of was laid out for her to see. I began with my nose, of course. She patiently listened with an understanding smile on her face.
“Maybe you should switch to decaf?” Rhona said with a chuckle.
“Rhona…!!! Please…!!!”
Okay… So I was whining and maybe even close to tears. I really didn’t know what she could tell me to make me feel better but I had to at least vent a little? Rhona reached across and grasped my hand.
“Oh sweetie…is life moving too fast for you?” She smiled that maternal smile of hers. “Listen Andi… You’re way ahead of everyone’s game so I really wouldn’t worry one bit. Peter thinks you walk on water and he wouldn’t ask anything of you that he didn’t think you could handle. Trust me on that. He has to sit on these other characters…” Rhona nodded toward the other artists. “But he seems to leave you alone so go with it and enjoy.”
“Well…what about tonight? I mean it’s really a sales thingy. I’m not that good at that sort of thing.”
Rhona laughed and smiled maternally at me.
“Listen honey…I’m sure Peter would simply love…” She emphasized love. “…to have dinner with you on any night. But I know for a fact that the client wanted to meet the chief artist and that happens to be you.”
She touched my nose gently with her finger when she said ‘you’.
We spoke for a while longer and Rhona managed to calm me down enough to at least be able to think clearly about the day. Peter walked in and burst into laughter at seeing us doing our usual morning thing.
“Peter… You have this poor child so wound up and upset over this dinner thing. Tell her…” This was the very first time Rhona addressed me as ‘her’ that I could remember. “…that it’s no big deal and that it’s a very normal thing.”
Peter gazed at me, took a deep breath, and with his index figure signaled me to follow him as he started for his office. I grabbed his mug of coffee, my own, and off I went in his wake as he strode purposefully down the hallway.
“You know…” Peter began to speak before he even removed his coat. “You present some very interesting challenges around here.”
“What…?” What…! What challenges…? Peter sat down at his desk and took a sip of his coffee.
“Well…for one thing…Rhona thinks of you as a woman.” I was about to say something when Peter continued. “And so do the birds in the cage.” He refers to the other artists as the ‘birds in the cage’. “It’s becoming…interesting when I have to explain why Andrew doesn’t seem to exist and I am continually asked; ‘who’s Andi?’”
“Oh my God…! I am so sorry…”
“But…” Peter held up his hand to stop me from continuing.
“Fortunately, the boss, ole’ John Parker, doesn’t care if one comes into work naked with feathers in one’s hair as long as one produces. And you do produce. He was tickled pink with your work and I am as well. But…”
Peter leaned forward and placed his elbows on his desk, his amazing blue eyes as intense as I’d ever seen them.
“Just like everything else in this world…that was yesterday. Now they want to know what we’re going to do for them today.”
I was beginning to become just a bit upset and I felt myself slightly trembling. I had no idea of where Peter was going with this…this line of talk. On the one hand he made it seem that my mode of dress was being problematic and on the other hand it didn’t matter as long as our work was bringing in money. For some reason unknown to me at the time, I decided to meet this challenge head on.
“What would you like me to do for them today?” I giggled more from nervousness than any other specific thing.
This was normally when Peter leaned back in his chair and interlaced his fingers behind his head. But he didn’t do that. Obviously he was having some kind of trouble asking me to do something. Indeed he even looked a bit uncomfortable. I leaned forward and placed my hand upon his.
“Peter… I’d like to think that we are friends? You can tell me whatever is on your mind.”
I sincerely meant what I said and Peter breathed a sigh of relief.
“It would be helpful this evening if you wore…” He cleared his throat. “…a dress or a skirt?”
“What?” I giggled. Was Peter actually asking me to…femme up? “You want me to femme up?” Peter blushed a vivid shade of cranberry.
“The couple tonight…? Well… They have some rather…interesting views and the husband believes that women should…dress like women?”
“But…” I laughed.
“I don’t even want to go there Andi. But if you’re going to dress as you always do, and I must admit you usually look amazing, please wear a skirt or a dress tonight. If you don’t have one, then please leave earlier and buy one. Give me the receipt and I’ll make sure you’re reimbursed, okay?”
“Oh…” I tried to sound ‘as a matter of fact’. “I think I can throw something together…for the company of course.” I laughed and so did Peter.
“Oh… For the company… Of course…!” Peter said as he smiled quite benignly.
Having been on three dates in my life prior to graduation from college, I have found several things to be true. First of all, the dater generally will not spend one penny more than is necessary to get laid, or blown, or both. Secondly, having been the datee on all three occasions I can truly say that the dater will never dress in anything that can’t be shed in a split second. Or… Nothing is worn that might deter from getting laid, or blown, or both.
So you might ask…what does that have to do with anything? Well… Now I was thrust into a far more elaborate and sophisticated world where how you looked and what you ate and who you were seen with was somehow more important than whether you got laid, blown, or both. This meant that more time needed to be spent on the preparation for the date then the amount of time the date might actually last.
Now whilst Peter’s invitation to dinner certainly didn’t qualify as a date, I certainly couldn’t afford to see it as anything less in terms of preparing for it. I had to look absolutely smashing even though a late night of carnal pleasure was not at stake. And the only reason I had to do this…to look so incredible…was simple. It was for me. If I could look that good, then I needed to look that good.
My preparation began a good three hours prior to the dinner and it began with the manicure. I wanted my nails to sparkle and flash as the light caught them in movement. Whether it was reaching for my wine glass, bringing my napkin to my lips, or simply gesturing as I spoke, I wanted them to glisten.
If someone glanced at a manicured hand and followed its motion, then that gazer’s glance would inevitably be led to the attached face. After all, one doesn’t simply tend to a single part of one’s physical being without spending equal time on the rest.
My nails took fully one hour to be done to my satisfaction. I chose a shade of very dark dramatic red…close to magenta. I purchased the matching lipstick, lip gloss, and a suitable blush as well. The color from the hands leads to the colors on the face and vice versa.
There is a magic that can be spun if one is perceptive enough and I was going to practice this magic tonight. My hands would entice and guide the way. I had watched women do this often. They were usually upscale people and I would become mesmerized as I watched them practice this…this witchcraft with their elegantly done hands on unsuspecting men.
Nails done as mine had been never dry quickly. It always takes an hour or two or more to fully dry. As long as you can smell the polish, it is still in the drying process. So for the next hour or more I would need to be extra cautious not to ruin the look.
I hurried home from the salon and immediately assembled everything I would be wearing from my panty and bra with forms to the thigh high seer black stockings to the dress and shoes. I had been practicing walking in the shoes over the past two days and I managed to master…or should that be mistress…hmmm…the technique. The experience of suddenly being an extra two and one half inches taller was quite interesting.
After gathering everything I would be wearing, save the jewelry, I went to shower and wash my hair. I felt myself in a mode of sorts. I suppose this was quite similar to an athlete preparing for a game. The uniform all arranged and the mindset being acquired as the preparation continued.
After finishing in the shower, I wrapped a towel around my body and another around my hair. I stood before the mirror and kept thinking to myself; ‘Self? You’re going to be the hottest hottie in the restaurant tonight!’ I continued to stare at myself as I slowly removed the towel from my body.
I closely examined myself; especially the area that was to be the site of my ‘new’ impending boobs. I was sure there was a bit more of something than yesterday. I don’t know…some more elevation maybe? My nipples itched incessantly these days. It was all I could do to keep from scratching them.
I wiped the remaining few drops of water from my legs and went into the bedroom to put on my panty and thigh highs. I was undecided about the bra. Though the straps were spaghetti thin, they still could be seen. I had fashion forms but then my breast forms would need to be glued onto me and the form onto them. Or…I could simply wear the pinned version of the dress. No matter what way I chose to fill out the dress, I would wear the shawl so it was merely a question of what would look the best and most natural without giving away my little secret.
I knew how I wanted my hair to appear and that was slicked straight back. That was nothing a little bit of mousse or gel couldn’t handle. I wanted sleek, chic, and somewhat unique look…at least for me. I mean, this was the first time I would be wearing a dress in public…indeed very public and I wanted to be a totally fire engine red hot looking hottie. I thought that if the totality of the ‘package’ was complete, then any of the parts that might fall out of sync for the moment would definitely go unnoticed.
“Hi dear… I’m home.” I heard Allie sing out with a chuckle as she entered the apartment.
“I’m in my bedroom.” I shouted back to her, mimicking her lilting tones.
Her timing couldn’t have been better. I had to giggle at the Middle American theme that ran through my head at our exchange. We sounded so very bourgeois. I could vaguely hear Allie enter the kitchen to do her daily ritual of dropping her shoulder bag and purse, depositing her coat over one of the stools and opening the fridge to retrieve something to sip on. I heard her footsteps as she approached my room.
As she framed my doorway I instinctively put my hands up to cover my impending boobs. Allie giggled.
“You’ve really got nothing to hide from me sweet heart.”
She laughed as she took a sip of the golden liquid in her glass and strode into my room. Allie looked at the array of things spread out across my bed and, after taking another sip and then handing the glass to me, quickly surmised the situation.
“Well…” She said with her arms crossed and exhaling a deep breath without even a glance toward me. “…let’s get them glued on and then see where we stand.”
I nodded, took a healthy sip of Allie’s wine, and got on my back on the bed. Allie slipped out and to her studio where she just happened to keep all the house glues. I must say one thing about that dear soul, she had a place for everything and everything was definitely in its place. She brought the solvent in with the glue in the event of misplacement.
Sitting down on the bed next to me Allie looked at my…chest? On my back with the light on I could definitely see that something was growing, taking form and shape, beneath my nipples. Allie could see this as well and she gently pressed her fingers around each nipple on both sides of my chest. She was examining what was occurring with more than a passing interest.
“Do they ache?”
‘They’…? Allie’s serious gaze prompted me to refrain from a more…frivolous answer?
“Only when I’m awake.” I giggled. I couldn’t resist being just a bit silly. “But Motrin and I have become really good friends.”
“Well…” Allie sighed. “If we glue these on, you’ll definitely need to wear a bra. Just the weight pulling against your skin will cause them to ache even more.”
I hadn’t thought of that at all. During the day, when I normally wore the forms, I always had a bra on and they’ve rarely been glued. The aching has been going on for only a few weeks and I’d more or less become somewhat inured to it. But the idea of wearing a bra with the dress didn’t exactly appeal to me because the dress straps were so slender.
“I have some very narrow double sided tape I use for just this purpose. We can tape the bra and dress straps together and with the shawl…well…you don’t have to worry about the back.” Allie to the rescue…yet again!!! She suddenly lifted my hand and looked at my nails. “Oh my God!!! I love this color. Do you have the lipstick to match?” Her excitement was real and so strong that I could feel it.
“Yeah…and the gloss and the liner and the blush as well...” I laughed.
“God…! They really did a job on you. But it’ll be worth it when I’m done with you.”
Allie took her time with the placement and gluing of my breast forms. The look of concentration upon her face reminded me for when she was throwing at her wheel. Every bit of her being was totally fixed upon this task as though it was a work of art. Of course one could have said that in reality she was merely the little girl playing with her living Barbie doll. Perhaps there was truth in both thoughts.
The weight of the breast forms did cause a bit of aching. I had never really worn them in a reclining position before. And when the glue had set and I sat up, the dull aching became a bit sharper and more distracting.
With Allie’s assistance, I put on my bra with the thinnest straps and, thankfully, the support helped alleviate some of the soreness. I slipped the dress over my head and once again relished the sensation of the silk lining gliding down along my body until I felt the straps alit onto my shoulders.
Allie zipped me up and went to get her magic tape. I stood and looked at myself for at least the umpteenth time in the mirror. I have to say that I was in love with the image that reflected back at me. Once I put the heels on I had to seriously reconsider the entire dress and skirt aversion. Even to this day I’m not totally sure of why I had waited so long to put one on.
Perhaps, somewhere in the deepest recesses of my consciousness, putting on a dress or a skirt crossed the line of effeminacy that would label me a ‘wannabe’ rather than a man who simply saw his own image in a particular manner. But now, as I turned this way and that, also for the umpteenth time, I realized that perhaps my vision had been expanded? Or perhaps I’d simply matured in the fashion of a teenager and suddenly found myself in the midst of adulthood?
Allie returned and giggled as she saw me pirouetting in front of the mirror much in the same manner as she must have done ten thousand times over the course of her life. She patiently taped the straps at the front of the dress up to my shoulders so that the bra straps couldn’t easily be seen. The shawl would do the rest. The only way I would have looked better is if I went braless and the boobs were really my own. I smiled with the knowledge that soon they would be.
“Okay hon… The only thing left is your makeup and I think we’ll go for the ‘Vogue cover girl’ look. Let’s go into the kitchen to do this. I don’t want you to be looking in the mirror every two seconds to see yourself.” Allie smirked…but it was a knowing and friendly smirk.
There were several things that brought the artist out that lurked inside Allie. Put a camera in her hands and everything was about light and angles. Put some clay in her hands and form became her entire world. Even when we when shopping, her eye was always working toward color, shape and form. Now, put a cosmetic brush in her hand and her artistic sensibilities rivaled, if not exceeded, my own.
It was her vision of me. She could see the possibilities. In some way, that’s what art is all about; taking the ordinary and seeing other possibilities. For sure I had that vision. We even seemed to have similar visions because we rarely argued about things when we worked together. Because there is rarely a right or wrong when envisioning an idea, she was open enough to allow me to try something she might not have totally agreed upon, or even liked initially.
I guess we trusted each other…completely. I trusted Peter and he certainly trusted me but we definitely had a wide gap in terms of visions. Peter had a tremendous amount of artistic sensibility but really not much vision at all. In other words, he knew when a project was there but he had no idea how to really get there. Allie not only knew how to get there but she could even come up with one or two ways that differed from mine.
Anytime an artist takes the advice of another person, that artist is putting his, or her, spiritual soul in other hands. I had almost no fear of doing that with Allie. Therefore, when it came to doing my face, I didn’t hesitate one moment to agree. We had sat down to discuss this project just as we would any other joint project. I had certain expectations as far as the ‘look’ went and she understood the overall affect I wanted.
I sat on a stool in the kitchen as Allie went to get her makeup kits. She had two good sized plastic tool boxes with those swing up and out trays that were filled to the brim with different beauty products. Allie loved the holiday cosmetic kits that always came with other offers. She would purchase them and then decant the various little color pots into her own little palette boxes.
Allie also had an impressive assortment of fine brushes and sponges and balls of cotton and swabs and any sort of tool or implement one could possibly need for application. She had told me that when in her early teens she would sit in front of the mirror and simply play with the colors.
After trying a particular combination, she would notate what went into it and she developed a notebook full of different looks as well as a smear of the particular colors so that if they were discontinued she could attempt to find something similar by another company.
Step one was always the towel to cover one’s shoulders and dress. There was no sense in having your eye shadow on you bust line. Allie also liked to have her hair done so that the light and shadow on one’s face would be relatively the same regardless of where one might be.
So my hair was moussed and combed straight back although I tried not to have in lay completely flat. I gave in just a touch of body on the sides. My face was already way thin and I knew that this wasn’t the most flattering style but I wanted ‘sleek’ and a modified wedge didn’t go quite far enough.
Allie, the true artist, wanted to start with a completely blank canvass. She decided to start with something I had never put on my face before; a foundation. Going several shades lighter than my already pale completion, Allie applied a moisturizing cream with a sponge and very patiently let it soak in. Then came the primer. Upon covering my face to her satisfaction, she then applied the foundation.
I must say that being unable to feel one’s face in a usual manner was quite disconcerting…to say the very least. I had always been told I had such an amazingly flawless completion, complete with miniscule pores and porcelain skin. But Allie wanted a perfectly uniform ‘canvass’ without those tiny blue veins showing. She also wanted to do away with any light shining off my face and she wanted a base that she could really set subtle coloration onto. And who was I to argue anyway?
Allie toiled as any mistress of an art would. She had set up small cups of water in the event of choosing a water soluble eye shadow. She had baby bottom soft tissues to correct any missed stroke of her brush or swab. She even took a break after about ten minutes to pour us both a bit of wine and take a breath.
Allie began again after our five minutes to relax. To be honest, I don’t know how fashion models, or actresses, can put up with extended makeup sessions. Our session wasn’t really all that long in comparison but nearly twenty minutes seemed like a lifetime.
In truth most of that time was spent doing my eyes. I wanted that smoky eyed look but I hadn’t acquired the skills to do it very well. Allie helped me with my look from time to time but it was mostly with my day face. The night look, especially one as sophisticated as a smoky eyed look, was really never broached. I attempted nothing more than a simple extra application of eye shadow, a bit more blush and a darker shade of lipstick.
But now we’re going all out. Allie put some translucent powder just under my eyes to catch any falling shadow residue. Then…‘look this way…and that…look up…look down…blink…don’t blink…freeze! It was a kind of choreographed pas de deux. After a short time I could almost anticipate what move would be required of me next. Allie worked slowly and patiently as she explained exactly what she was doing and how she was doing it. Of course most of it slipped by as I tried to maintain my position as she worked.
By the time we got to my lips, I felt as though I had a face upon my face. It was not so much the thickness or the heaviness of Allie’s application as much as the alien substances themselves. I had never used a foundation or the setting powders or sprays. I had only on very rare occasions used a concealer. Three coats of mascara were a bit much. And although the eye shadows were weightless, just the knowledge that they were there weighed heavily.
I failed to purchase a lip liner or ‘plumper’? But Allie came to the rescue with her never-ending palette of colors and plumpers. Then, of course, just one coating of the lipstick wouldn’t do. There has to be two with blotting in between and a tinted gloss on top.
“Twenty-four hours…?” She said. “Okay…maybe with heavy wear you’ll get six. Be sure to check yourself after dinner before coffee and dessert. One day we’ll need to play with some lip stains.”
I nodded as Allie moved on to the gloss. A quick smacking of the lips and we were done. Allie stood back and gazed very intensely at me.
“Oh… My God…!”
Allie looked at me with an expression of…well…I’m not really sure what. In truth I had never seen that expression before. I felt that the sum of my parts wasn’t good enough to equal the whole. I hopped off the stool and ran…well…I was in heels so I walked quickly to the mirror in my room. Allie followed after me.
When I looked into the mirror I was shocked, stunned, and otherwise, shaken AND stirred! I didn’t recognize myself…at all! Staring back at me in mirrored disbelief was a woman who looked…well…amazing! Somehow, with her great skill at makeup and her knowledge of cosmetics, Allie had managed to tread that fine line between looking like a high priced whore and a high priced fashion model…on a Vogue cover no less.
“Oh my God…!” Those were the only words I could get out. “Is that really me?”
“You look amazing.” Allie giggled as she grabbed the silver scarf and draped it around my shoulders.
“Peter is not going to believe this.” I couldn’t tear my eyes off my reflected image.
“Peter is likely to decide that you’re too femme for him.” Allie laughed as she turned and rushed towards the door. “We’ve got to get some pix.”
I turned back to the mirror and began to turn my head this way and that in an attempt to absorb the visage before me. As my vision drifted to a fuller image of myself; coiffed, manicured, styled, and in au couture, Allie returned with her cameras and lenses and an ear to ear grin.
“I think I should have gone for the sandals.”
I said as I turned toward her only to be met by a flash from her camera.
“No… I think you’ll get more use out of the pumps. Plus which… They’re easier to kick off when you’re dancing.” Allie giggled as she raised the camera and I gave her a big smile as the flash went off again.
Allie had a great old time having me pose in different positions. Now she’s Scavullo and next she’s Newton and then Avedon. She’s doing covers and spreads and whatever else comes to mind.
Now I have seen, and looked through fashion magazines and I have admired many of the photographers enough to procure the use of whatever collections they happened to have published in book format so I knew the ‘look’ Allie would want. We did a few in my studio where I have several backdrops to shoot against.
Unfortunately time was rapidly becoming my enemy and before we realized it, I was definitely going to be late…albeit ‘fashionably’ late…pardon the pun. However Allie, always one step ahead from her own experiences, had my clutch prepared and, as I donned my camel hair overcoat, she thrust it into my hand. She gave me an air kiss least we mess up her styling job, wished me luck, and ushered me out the door and into the night.
Has Andi crossed over the line from performance art to…??? And what will Peter think now??? Will Andi put ‘the moves’ on Allie??? And what about Bob??? Be sure to read the next exciting chapter of the adventures of ‘Andi and Allie’.
Andi and Allie – Chapter 16
“Ladies Lounge Rules…?”
The cab ride seemed to last forever and my mind couldn’t seem to find a point to focus on to dispel my nervousness. This was the first time I would be in a dress publically. And, to top it all off…when I looked in the mirror and saw a stranger…albeit a hot looking female stranger. I saw nothing at all that wasn’t femme to the max…and then some.
There was absolutely nothing to indicate that someone named Andrew lurked beneath the façade of finery and color. My performance art flag had been hoisted to an entirely new level.
I entered the restaurant and checked my coat. Grasping my clutch purse tightly in one hand and my shawl ends in the other, I walked as gracefully as I could, fighting my nervousness with all of my strength, into the bar and grill area.
As I glanced around the room I noticed that nearly every man, and more than a few women, turned to gaze at me…although stared would have been a better way of saying it. In fact I might even hazard ogled? I smiled as I turned and walked out and headed into the restaurant area.
The ambience of the place was perfect. It was dimly lighted and quite intimate. There were candles on every table and all of the waiters and servers were attired almost formally. I was met by the maître de and I told him I was dining with Peter and two others. He smiled, nodded and acknowledged Peter as ‘Mister Peter’ in some European accent I couldn’t quite place as he ushered me to an area behind a frosted etched glass partition.
I rounded the corner a step or two behind the maître de and saw Peter at a table with another man and a woman. Peter was speaking to the man and, when he turned his head and gazed at me approaching, he seemed to stop in mid-sentence. There was absolutely no recognition of me in his expression other than to gaze at me and smile. The man, on the other hand, didn’t gaze at all. He definitely leered!
“Good evening.” I said as I walked up to the chair the maître de held away from the table for me. “I am so sorry I’m late.” I said as I smiled modestly and sat down.
“Andi…?”
Peter said with a note of surprise in his voice. But Peter did recover quickly. “Andi…this is Bill and Susan Phillips of Scoville Industries.”
I offered my hand to Bill and he shook it quite gently as he smiled. He held it a bit too long as I greeted him. Then I turned toward Susan and she took my hand for only a moment and smiled all too briefly. She evidently wasn’t thrilled at Bill’s seeming attention toward me.
“Would you like something to drink?” Peter asked as he covered my hand with his.
“A white wine would be nice.” I smiled.
“Are you old enough to drink?” Bill asked with a concerned look on his face.
“Oh Bill…” Susan had an exasperated sound to her voice as she rolled her eyes and looked away from him. “…give it a rest.” Susan looked at me. “How old are you anyway honey?”
“I’m twenty one…almost.”
I found it curious that she should ask. From her exchange with Bill I thought that she wouldn’t care. I mean… She shut him down right quickly.
“You seem rather young to be Peter’s chief artist…is it?” She smiled politely at me and turned to look at Peter.
I felt slightly embarrassed.
“Andi is quite gifted I assure you.” Peter was very quick to reply. “Not only has Andi spear headed a major campaign for us, but she has also had a very successful showing at a major gallery only last month.”
I was quite gratified that Peter came to my…rescue so quickly…and ardently? And he addressed me as…‘she’?
A glass of white wine arrived promptly and I quickly took a sip.
“Is it good?”
Susan asked with a smile. I nodded my head and smiled back.
“Mind if I have a taste?”
“No…not at all.” I giggled as I handed her my glass.
This gave me the opportunity to glance at her for more than a moment. Susan was cute…for an older woman. I guessed she had to be at least thirty…five maybe? Peter mentioned she had three children. Actually two were very young and the youngest was only a few months old? She definitely looked good.
Susan’s long chestnut hair was natural and styled. Her aquamarine eyes were quite lovely and piercing. Although she appeared to be a bit tired, I could feel the energy she might be capable of. Her nails were exquisitely done and her look, though simple, was very elegant. Susan wore an obviously expensive maroon colored Merino wool strapless dress. Her earlobes bore the weight of diamond drop earrings and she had a diamond bracelet to match.
“Mmmm… This is quite nice.”
Susan handed the glass back to me. She then turned to Bill.
“I think I would like one of those.”
“But dear… You’re nursing.” He said with a surprised look upon his face.
“Really…!” She replied as she rolled her eyes and gave him a faux surprised look. “Don’t you think I know that?” She snapped at him. “Just order me the God damned wine.”
She spoke as if it was a dismissal and turned back to me with a smile.
“He thinks he knows everything.” She said to me in almost an apologetic way.
Peter gently patted my knee beneath the table. I looked at him and he smiled in almost a paternal manner. It was his way of letting me know to stay cool and calm. A server suddenly came over and placed small hor d’ourve plates in front of us.
“I took the liberty or ordering something for you. If you don’t like it we can get you something else.” Peter smiled as he spoke. “You do like shrimp I hope?”
“I love shrimp. I’m sure whatever you ordered will be perfect.” I covered his hand with mine.
And thus our business dinner began. Bill, after explaining to Peter and me, how he found salvation, continued to lecture as we ate. Susan would roll her eyes every so often causing me to giggle. This, of course, only caused her to become more…well…not disruptive but…more critical of Bill’s topic of conversation.
She made funny faces and mimicked him in a steady stream. At one point she leaned closer to me and spoke to me in a voice just loud enough for Bill to hear.
“You know…he was…not all that long ago…a great fuck. But now…? Well… He’s married to God.” She snickered but then turned serious. “Of course you know that leaves me with some excellent opportunities for personal discovery.” Susan laughed.
I was somewhat shocked but I did giggled when she winked at me, as if to say; ‘I know he heard that’.
“So… Andi… Tell me about yourself. How do you like working for Peter?”
I wasn’t sure whether Susan was simply trying to make conversation or if she was trying to determine whether Peter and I were…‘a thing’. I answered her simply and honestly. I asked Peter for a pen or a pencil and I began to draw upon my linen napkin as she and I spoke.
Susan was actually quite nice and very bright. She was reasonably well versed in art and in advertising. I was somewhat surprised that she wasn’t the one speaking with Peter. As our main courses arrived, two separate and distinct conversations were happening at the table. Peter was stuck being bored…I know that look…with Bill. Susan and I were having a great time as she began telling me about her life and her children.
Susan was quite surprised at how much she adored motherhood and having children. She never expected that to happen to her…of all people. Susan envisioned herself having a corporate life and life style and perhaps, after achieving a ranking executive position, she might take a few months off the have a family.
But after the first child was born, when she was thirty one, she couldn’t wait to have another, and another. Susan couldn’t wait to get pregnant again. But she stated that with a great deal of not very concealed reservation in her voice.
“I’m just not sure with who…yet.” She snickered knowing that Bill probably overheard her.
I had just finished my little drawing. It was a caricature of Susan and Bill. Susan had a scowl on her face and a touch of anger in her rolling eyes as Bill was wildly smiling and wildly moving his arms as he obviously spoke. I giggled as I handed the napkin to her.
“Is it something like this?” I said.
Susan burst out laughing.
“Yes…! You might say so.” Still laughing she leaned in toward me again. “May I keep this?” Her eyes were alive for the first time during the evening.
“Yes…of course.”
“Thanks…that’s very sweet of you. I think I might frame it.”
She looked at it for another moment or two and then carefully folded it and tucked it away into her purse.
As Susan tucked the napkin away I noticed that although her dress was a darker shade of maroon, two small, even darker, spots began to appear upon the front over her breasts. The main course was finished and menus were placed for dessert. The time was opportune for a ladies lounge trip. I grabbed my clutch and turned toward Peter and Bill.
“If you will please excuse me for a moment or two?”
I smiled shyly and began to get up. Both men stood and Peter assisted me with my chair. I looked over toward Susan and rolled my eyes away from the table. She immediately understood and began to get up as well. Bill hurriedly tried to assist her but she was way too fast and stood before he could even grasp her chair. She looked at him and laughed.
“A little too late… As usual…?” Susan spoke as she walked to my side and smiled. “That’s the trouble with men.”
She chuckled and looked for the proper direction to walk. I linked my arm with hers and whispered in her ear.
“I think you’re…leaking?”
I briefly lowered my eyes to her dress and the two tiny dark spots. I took my shawl and draped it across her shoulders to cover the wet spots on her dress.
“Oh shit…!” Susan pulled out one side of her dress with her fingertips, frowned, and turned to me. “I can’t tell you how often this happens. Thank you so much for letting me know. I do appreciate your discretion.” She grasped the shawl ends to further cover her…situation?
I stopped one of the waiters and he graciously led us to the door. The lounge was as elegantly appointed as the restaurant with a settee against one wall facing another wall of mirrors with a shelf and stools beneath. We walked into the lavatory area and Susan went straight to a handicapped stall. She entered and, before the door swung shut, motioned for me to join her as she returned the shawl.
“I hope you’re not as shy as you appear because I will definitely need your help beginning with this.”
Susan turned around and I instantly knew she needed my help getting the top of her dress down. I undid the tiny hook and eye and then carefully unzipped the back of her dress. The wool was so very soft and luxurious. As I helped Susan get free I couldn’t help but think that I definitely needed something in this material.
“I love your dress. The wool feels…so…amazing!”
Susan turned her head and looked at me with a smile as she pulled down the cups of her strapless bra.
“Thanks... I love your little number. Wish I could wear something like that. But these days I seem to be all boobs, belly, and butt.” Susan laughed and turned back to the matter at hand. “I would be falling out of places your dress doesn’t even have.”
I thought of how much Susan’s body was like Allie’s only Susan had less in the belly and butt department and way more in the boob area. Still Susan was far from being…well…overdone with too much…bounty?
“Yeah… But there are so many other things you can wear that would accent the amazing curves you do have. I wish I had your body.”
“You can.” She laughed as she removed two circular cotton pads from her bra cup, brought them to the sink. “…just have a few kids and continue to nurse them. Watch this…”
Susan motioned for me to join her at the sink. She wrung out the pads which were saturated with milk. I gazed in amazement at her boobs. They were huge and lined with thick blue veins. Her nipples were enormous and leaking most profusely.
“Oh my God…! That is so amazing…!” I said.
I was totally shocked and stunned. I had never seen a woman lactate before. I felt myself begin to tremble because…well…this was like a natural miracle! Susan looked at me, my wide eyed expression, and laughed.
“What do you think we have tits for anyway…simply to attract men?” She smiled at me as she laughed.
“No…it’s just that I’ve never seen that before.”
“Really…! Well…” Susan walked to the sink. “Watch this...”
She laughed as she began to express milk into the sink. She held her breast and gently squeezed her nipple and a long steady and somewhat forceful stream shot out and into the sink. This had to be one of the most amazing things I’d ever seen!
“Oh my God…! That is like the greatest…ever!”
“Well…have you ever tasted it? I mean you were breast fed, weren’t you?”
“I don’t know.” I responded sadly.
I had so few memories of doing anything nurturing with my mother kind of saddened me.
“Come over here and open your mouth. You really have to taste this.”
“You’re kidding.” I was stunned.
“No… Come over here now.”
The commanding sound of her voice belied her warm smile. I walked to the other side of the sink and stood facing Susan. I couldn’t believe I was going to taste her breast milk.
“Okay…I’m going to start a stream from my other tit so all you have to do is catch it in your mouth. I have to relieve some of the pressure anyway so it might as well go to some good use.”
Susan laughed as she hefted her other breast and began to massage it. She began to squeeze just behind her nipple and a few drops came out. She did it twice more and suddenly a stream began. She squeezed her breast slightly.
“Now honey… Now…!”
And I leaned in and let the milk shoot into my mouth. It was quite warm and very sweet; almost like a dessert. I back away slightly so swallow and then leaned in again. I couldn’t believe how long Susan was able to keep that little stream going but the milk was too good not to have at least another taste. Anyway that might have been my only chance in life to try it.
The stream suddenly stopped and I swallowed my last mouthful. Oh my God! I had to do something with this. The images that ran through my mind were too intense not to produce something. Susan continued to express her milk with a second and then a third stream.
“Would you like to pose for me?”
I don’t know where that came from. Well… I knew but the words simply tumbled out of my mouth. Susan laughed.
“You must be kidding. With this body…?” Susan chuckled as she finally wiped off her nipples with a dampened paper towel.
“Absolutely…your body is wonderful. I would love to stretch you while you breast feed. Maybe your youngest…?”
“Isn’t that a little trite?” She said in an almost acerbic voice as she reached into her purse. “Shit! I forgot to bring extra pads.”
“I think I may have some very soft tissues…if that’ll help.” I opened my clutch and began digging around. It was packed tightly. A pair of panties fell out, much to my embarrassment. Susan laughed.
“Planning a big night are we?” She chuckled.
“My roommate packed the purse. Here they are.” I handed her the tissues as I bent at the knee to pick up the panty.
“Yes... These will do just fine. So let me ask you something dear…seeing that we’re almost mother and daughter…” Susan laughed as she stuffed the tissues into the cups of her bra. “Peter is gay, isn’t he?”
Susan looked at me with a smile as she asked. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind in an instant. The first thing that occurred to me was that her husband was one of those born again guys and they weren’t exactly thrilled with the idea of same sex lovers. Indeed they weren’t thrilled with anybody who was involved with another if they weren’t first married?
The second thing that occurred to me is should I lie? I mean I could say I don’t know. But that would not be true because I did know. I hated the thought of lying on many different levels. I guess that’s because I’ve been lied to too many times. And lies can be so very hurtful. I saw what a lie did to poor Allie.
If I thought a lie might save someone’s life or something like that, I don’t think I would hesitate. Maybe saving the account is kind of like that? But the idea still didn’t sit right with me. I’m usually good reading people and I don’t think Susan is like that though. I wondered why she even asked such a thing. I took a deep breath and prayed Susan was not like her husband.
“Yes… He definitely is.” I spoke with a sigh. I just outed my boss…and friend.
“So what are you? His bush…?” Susan asked with a straight face.
“His bush…?” Bush…? WTF is a bush?
“Yeah…you know…” Susan laughed. “Like in the military…? If a woman is a lesbian she would find some guy to get her off base so she could hook up with her girlfriend? He could also claim they were…‘intimate friends’ as a cover. He is called the beard. If a guy is gay, he would have a woman do that for him. She is called his bush.” I stared at Susan blankly. She made a motion toward her crotch with her hand. “You know…bush?”
“Ohhh…” I giggled nervously. Live and learn says I.
“Here…” Susan turned her back to me. “Help me on with this.”
She pulled the front of her dress back in place. I pulled up the zipper and hooked the back for her.
“So…” She turned back toward me. “Are you his bush?”
“No…” I said quite emphatically.
“Hmmm… Then I wonder why he looks at you so…well…affectionately?” Susan’s eyes rolled upward in thought. “Maybe even lewdly…? And he certainly is protective of you. He was very quick to say you were indeed a very fine artist when that was questioned.”
“It’s kind of weird? He and Rhona, our receptionist, kind of hover over me? I guess it’s because I’m the youngest in the office. Also Peter has never seen me dressed in this fashion before.”
Susan took one last look at herself in the mirror and turned to walk out of the stall.
“I wish these damned wet spots would dry already.” She was referring to where her milk wet her dress.
“Here…” I removed my shawl again and placed it over her shoulders. “This should help.”
“You’re wearing next to nothing. You’ll be cold.”
Susan began to remove the shawl. I stopped her by holding one of her hands.
“Don’t worry. I’m sure I can borrow Peter’s jacket.” I giggled.
“You probably won’t even need to ask. He seems that sort. Considerate…?”
Susan sat down on the settee and patted the cushion next to her. I smiled and sat down.
“I probably should tell you that my maiden name is Scoville.”
“The same…?” I spoke with a wide eyed expression of shock even though Peter had mentioned as much.
“The very… My father is Scoville Industries.” Susan nodded.
“But I thought Bill ran the company.”
“He does at the moment. But…to be perfectly honest…? He’s better stud material than management material.” Susan said quite sarcastically. “Or he once was anyway. I haven’t let him touch me in months. Not since this Jesus thing began. He can be such a bore.”
She spoke as if this was an afterthought. Susan then quickly turned to me.
“You know that Ladies Lounge Rules apply here.”
Ladies Lounge Rules…apply? I never heard of that before. At least I never saw a sign listing them or anything. Susan rolled her eyes and shook her head with a benign smile.
“What is said in here stays in here.” Susan looked at me quite sternly.
“Oh yes… Of course…!” Derp…!!! I should have guessed.
“Good!” She smiled and linked her arm with mine, her other hand patting my hand lightly. “In truth I am actually looking for a Mister Mom. I adore pregnancy and child birth and the nursing; especially when I have one on each breast. I find it to be…” She rolled her eyes in thought for a moment and then grinned. “…quite stimulating? But the raising of them…well…I am definitely not a soccer mom.” Susan laughed heartily.
I felt a bit of sorrow for the obviously unsuspecting Bill, bore that he may be, and for the children. How they grew to adulthood would depend on what nanny was hired. But, inversely, if Susan knew her limitations, then maybe a professional was a far better alternative, or at least a Mister Mom.
“But what would you do instead?”
I felt this woman was far too…intelligent, aggressive and forthcoming to simply lounge at poolside in the sun.
“Why…run daddy’s company…of course.” From her tone, and her huge smile, it was like; ’What else would I do?’ “I have two…no…three questions for you.”
Susan let loose of my arm and turned sideways on the settee to face me directly. I was all ears and looked at her in anticipation.
“Do you like your job?”
Well, I could have gone on and on and on, and I did…sort of. I told her about the freedoms I was allowed and how I could take time if I had a showing and so on and on. Of course I told her that this was all possible because Peter was a great boss.
“Nonsense…! Either you are that good…after all you did help land two rather large accounts…”
“Two…?” I actually squeaked!
“Well…? Yes… I’m fairly confident that you and Peter can do an adequate job for us. As I was saying… Either you’re a moneymaker for the company, or you’re fucking Peter silly. But I honestly believe you must be that good.” She laughed.
I blushed profusely…a totally new shade of bright red yet to be named!
“What…” Susan asked. “Oh don’t tell me you have a crush on him.” She laughed. “I will admit he is rather cute and he does have those polite and courteous ways about him that speak of good breeding. But he a bit old for you…don’t you think?”
I nodded my head but I stared at my fingers which were fidgeting. I felt myself becoming a bit emotional. Susan took my chin in her fingers and directed it, and my gaze, to her face.
“What are you not telling me? I think I’ve been fairly open and honest with you. Is this about your…dressing?”
Susan’s tone was soft and sincere. I wasn’t really sure but I think her voice was…motherly…or older sisterly at the least. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat.
“Yeah… Well… Andi…? It’s short for Andrew?” A very pained expression accompanied my confession.
“Well I thought it would be something like that.” Susan chuckled. “You are showing just a wee bit…on top.”
I took a deep breath as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I leaned forward a bit and pulled the top of my dress up where it had slipped a bit too far? Susan looked only long enough to see the truth. I noticed her jaw set firmly.
I derped major league big time. Susan seemed to gaze off into the distance…not that there was any distance to stare at. Her eyes narrowed as I could ‘see’ her thinking.
“I should feel violated. But for some reason I don’t. Humph!” She seemed to be speaking to nobody in particular. “That does explain the looks he was giving you.” Susan suddenly looked at me. “You’re the best of both worlds to him…how very interesting!” She suddenly began to chuckle.
“I’m not transitioning. This is simply an image I have in my mind of how I should look? I mean…I am on hormones? But it’s only to better fill out my clothes?”
A tear rolled down my cheek. I opened my purse to get a tissue only to remember that I gave them all to Susan.
“Oh… Wait a moment honey.”
Susan got up and retrieved a hand towel from the wash basin. She returned and carefully blotted the tears in my eyes.
“Now there’s no reason to be upset. After all…” She chuckled. “If I’m not upset, you shouldn’t be either. I mean we have seen each other’s tits…so to speak. And I never thought for a single moment that you might be…what is it…transitioning?”
“Well everybody else seems to think so.” I sniffled.
“Listen sweet heart… Never let anyone define you. Especially not men…! It’s nobody’s business anyway…is it? You’re certainly not hurting anyone. Are you?”
I took a deep, but stuttered, breath and managed to smile. I was quickly able to compose myself.
“So… Are you gay? Are you straight? Or all the above…?” Susan asked with a chuckle.
“To be determined…?”
I looked at her…hopefully…maybe slightly painfully?
“Oh my…” Susan sounded quite sincere in her exclamation as she laughed. “We do have so much to chat about.”
“Ummm…” I sniffled. “We’ve been in here a while? Should we get back to the table?”
“Hmmm…” Susan rolled her eyes up in thought. “No…! Let them suffer together. It should be amusing to see how your Peter…” My Peter…? “…holds up under the ‘Bill the bore’. Anyway, it is our prerogative to stay here just as long as we wish.”
Susan spoke with quite a smug tone to her voice. She took a deep breath and let it out along with a sigh of resignation.
“Well… Perhaps you’re right. We should probably amble our way back to the table.”
We both got up and I quickly glanced in the facing mirror. I quickly retrieved my lip gloss from my purse and refreshed my lips. Susan chuckled and did the same.
“You know dear…” She said as she wiped the corner of her mouth with her finger tip. “We both know each other’s little secrets.” Susan turned to me with a smile. “And I hope we will always be able to confide in one another.
“It’s not really a secret? I mean… my friends and coworkers know about me. It’s just that I like to be the one to tell people. And I really didn’t know how you would react. You know?”
“I think I can guess. Certainly there’s no reason at all that Bill or my father need know; although my father probably wouldn’t care as long as your work makes him money. He is quite pragmatic in that way.” Susan laughed.
We exited the ladies lounge and returned to the table arm in arm.
“I don’t know that I would want to pose breast feeding for you. But I would certainly like to entertain the idea of a portrait of myself and my girls. Consider maybe a commission piece…? I would like to see what you can do first though.”
“Of course…”
I smiled trying to contain my excitement. A commissioned piece…! My first…! And I could use the money the way I’d been spending it lately.
As we approached the table Peter spotted me first and he stood up to pull out my chair. Bill followed suit once he realized we were returning and did the same for Susan.
“We were getting ready to file a missing person’s report. And why are you wearing Andi’s shawl?”
“Oh shut up Bill...” Susan said with slight annoyance as she took her seat and allowed Bill to move her closer to the table.
Peter assisted me with my chair and, without even asking, removed his jacket and draped it over my shoulders. Susan looked at me with a knowing smile as I giggled. Peter leaned down and softly spoke in my ear.
“You might get cold.”
I looked up into his eyes and, smiling, thanked him. He is so very predictable. Bill didn’t say a word. He simply gazed at Susan with a somewhat defeated look upon his face. It was as if he was afraid to say anything fearing his very alpha female would bite his nose off or something.
Susan wanted something chocolate as well as a fruit tart. I really wasn’t interested in anything but she offered to split both desserts with me and…well…who am I to refuse chocolate and fruit. We both ordered cappuccinos to compliment the selection.
Then Susan and I buried ourselves in conversation. She was particularly interested in ‘the process’. Everybody’s interested in the process. It’s as if there’s some great secret to creating something. I mean… I have an idea that I visualize and then the years of technical study, and practice, take over. With any luck, perhaps a bit of me rubs off onto the paper, or canvass, or whatever, and then something special evolves. Mostly…? It’s just work. But I did appreciate her interest.
Then we kind of leaned into each other and, in more hushed tones, discussed more…intimate things? Her eye were alighted as I told her of my past…experiences. And she related some of her adventures both here and abroad. We were totally oblivious to whatever the guys were speaking about. I think they were more fascinated with our interactions since returning from the lounge.
One thing I did note was that I seemed to interact with women in a much more ‘natural’ manner than I did with guys. I mean think about it. There was, first and foremost, Allie, then Rhona, Jill of course, and now Susan. To some extent I could talk to Peter, and that was very comfortable, but with most other guys, including the office staff, I simply found that I had very little to say.
Anyway, the dinner ended on a wonderful upbeat note as Susan and I exchanged phone numbers. She definitely was quite taken with me, and I with her. I could see us having a wonderfully interesting relationship both with business and with…well…other things. She and I hugged, and kissed, as our coats were being retrieved and I was profusely thanked for the use of my shawl.
“Well…that was a most interesting evening.” Peter laughed as he assisted me on with my coat. “The way the two of you were carrying on you could have been sandbox lovers.”
“Sometimes the chemistry is simply there.” I said as I shrugged and giggled.
“So what were you two doing in the restroom for so long?”
“Sorry Peter…” I giggled mischievously. “Ladies Lounge Rules… What’s said in there stays in there.”
“I can’t believe how…how….”
I could sense Peter’s exasperation as he almost frantically searched for the words to say whatever he wanted to say. What a giggle.
“…how naturally and easily you just upped and went into the women’s lounge.”
He spoke softly for my ears only and laughed heartily as we exited the restaurant.
“Well really Peter…!” I feigned impatience and rolled my eyes. “I couldn’t very well go into the men’s room dressed like this!”
“Well…” He put his arm around me as we strolled a bit. “That’s very true. But still…” He chuckled. “Let me give you a ride home. My car is right over here.”
I looked up into his eyes and smiled.
“Sure... That would be lovely.”
Peter ushered me over to a large black and silver Rolls Royce. A driver got out and came around to open the door for us. I was impressed. I am not ashamed to say that. I knew Peter was well off but really… I had no idea and no doubt he was perhaps attempting to further impress me? And why not…! I deserve to be impressed at the very least. I looked good. I felt good. And I made whoever’s arm I was attached to look and feel good.
As I settled into the plush leather seat, I opened my coat. The car was comfortably heated so I also removed my shawl. Peter settled back and stretched out his legs.
“They certainly are a strange couple.” Peter said as he ran his fingers through his hair as if to ease some of the tension out through his scalp. “I couldn’t get any kind of a read from him other than I’m probably going to hell. Although I think I knew that anyway.” He laughed.
“We have the account.” I giggled.
“What…!” Peter was in total disbelief.
“We have the account.” I lilted and giggled some more.
I was enjoying the look of astonishment on Peter’s face.
“But he…”
“She’s a Scoville and she’s daddy’s girl. She likes us…a lot.”
“You…” Peter turned sideways in his seat to face me. “You are amazing.”
“I also cook, clean and I do laundry.” I laughed.
I really felt good. I had accomplished something I had no idea I would ever even attempt.
“Yeah…” Peter chuckled. “I just can’t wait to see your next trick.”
He edged a bit closer to me and took my hand in his. He brought my fingers to his lips and kissed them.
“You are totally amazing Andi.”
I took hold of Peter’s arm with my other hand and I leaned my head on his shoulder. I was suddenly very tired. I guess the stress of the day, and of the evening, had taken its toll. Peter let go of my hand and put his arm around me.
I was so very comfortable that I closed my eyes and melted into his side. I thought how nice it would be if we were on the way home and that I would soon be snuggled up against him naked in his bed.
My dreaming abruptly came to an end. I must have fallen asleep briefly because the next thing I knew we were stopped in front of my building and Peter was gently shaking me. I begrudgingly opened my eyes and, not immediately recognizing where I was, I rapidly looked around.
“Unfortunately you’re home sweet heart.” Peter chuckled.
I knew exactly what he meant. I was so comfortably asleep nestled into Peter’s side. Peter’s driver got out and opened up the door for me. I gathered myself together, not forgetting the clutch purse, and, after Peter first stepped out onto the curb, I grasped his hand as I carefully swung my legs out and stood up.
“Careful now… You don’t want to twist an ankle.”
Peter took me around my waist as I fought a moment for my balance. I was still in the process of clearing my mind. The night’s cold air was helping to rapidly awaken me. Peter escorted me the short distance to my front door, his arm still around me. I turned into him as we stopped at the door. I looked up into his beautiful blue eyes and smiled.
“You know…my dear Andi… You are my most prized possession. Whilst I possess you that is.” He chuckled.
Peter turned my coat collar up against the cold wind that blew off the river. He bent his head down till our eyes met at the same level. Then he moved into me until our lips met in a kiss. There was more than a bit of electricity that passed between us. I closed my eyes and leaned into his body as my entire being began to…tingle?
“Mmmm… That was very nice.” Peter smiled down at me when I could finally open my eyes.
“Yeah…” I giggled. I was kind of lost for words.
“You know you could come back uptown with me. I could have you bring back here whenever you’d like.”
If ever I had a moment of weakness this was it. I was tired, slightly tipsy from the wine, and generally feeling good about things; especially myself. And then there was that selfish little corner of me that simply wanted to check him out in bed.
I hadn’t been with another person in quite some time. My entire sex life was spent in the shower or sniffing Allie’s undies, or in my head. I was due for something…anything actually.
Then, as I leaned into Peter’s lovely solid warm body and imagined myself snuggled up next to it, a realization came to me in a flash; or at least in the vision of Allie’s aromatic panties. Peter, although I wanted him, was not really what I wanted. I knew that I always would be somewhat of a possession. That’s not what I wanted; what I needed. I wanted an intimate sort of touching between two like minds. And that like mind belonged to Allie.
Perhaps it’s simply another form of selfishness; to have two birds in hand but none for my bush? It’s certainly selfish to not tell Peter that he’s in second place at best. But it’s also my own fear. Should Allie reject me, well…first of all I’d probably be crushed. I certainly would feel a bit foolish. But at least I could still have Peter. Or at least he could have me?
And I would still want the intimacy of a relationship that went beyond the platonic. It’s amazing how many thoughts run through one’s mind in the midst of things. I looked up into Peter’s big beautiful blue eyes.
“No thanks Peter... I’m really tired and all I can think of is going to sleep.” That was certainly true.
“That’s okay with me.” He smiled innocently. “Sleeping is one of my favorite activities. I could certainly keep you warm.”
He chuckled and I giggled. No doubt he could. No doubt at all…
“Not tonight Peter. Anyway, I’m still not ready for you.”
“Will you ever be?”
He smiled and leaned down and just about touched my lips. I craned my neck up to meet him. It was an amazing sensation. To feel his lips touch mine and to have his tongue caress mine was like a bolt of lightning striking me. My entire body again tingled as he pressed himself against me. I felt his stiffy very briefly rub against me. I was so tempted to grab it. But thankfully I didn’t.
Peter’s kiss left me slightly dizzy and light headed. I had to hold onto him for a moment after our lips parted…company?
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah… Just tired...” So I lied…a little.
“Do you want me to escort you upstairs?” He gazed at me with a worried expression.
“No…” I smiled. Peter was ever the gentleman for sure. “I’ll be fine.”
I took out my keys and opened the door. I walked in and, on the way to the elevator, looked back at him and smiled…with a sigh. He no doubt waited until I got into the elevator and the door closed. I leaned against the elevator wall with my eyes closed, a smile upon my face and a sigh in my heart.
The elevator stopping awoke me from my little awake dreamland. I opened the apartment door and heard the television going in the cave.
“Hi dear…I’m home!” I sang out with a giggle.
I really didn’t have the strength to have a conversation about the evening with Allie so I placed my borrowed clutch upon the table, hung my coat upon the rack, and made a bee’s line straight for my bedroom. I walked in and, without even turning on a light, flopped onto my back on the bed. My feet were hanging over the end so I was able to kick my heels off.
Somewhere near the edge of complete unconsciousness I heard a rapping upon my door post just strong enough to pull me back to awakedom.
“Andi…are you okay?”
“Yeah…” I giggled weakly. “I’m just so tired I had to lie down.”
“No… That won’t do.” Allie walked in and turned on my small bedside lamp. “You can’t fall asleep in your clothes. You’ll ruin that dress for sure and you’ll get makeup all over everything. Here…” She walked back to the foot of the bed and held out her hands toward me. “Let me help you.”
I reached for Allie’s hands and let her pull me up and out of my bed. She was kind enough to slip the dress up and over my head. Allie was careful to not have the material touch my face and become stained from the cosmetics. She was gracious enough to hang it in my closet. She then assisted me out of my bra. I turned and touched my forehead to hers.
“Thank you so much. I am so tired.” I leaned into her and hugged her. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“We can take these off now or wait till morning if you’d like.”
My boobs felt almost like a part of me to the extent that I totally forgot about them. I had never slept in them before but I was curious to see how that would feel considering I would have them for real soon enough. Allie had let them gently pull against my flesh when she removed my bra and I was, by this time, numb to any pain.
“No… Let’s leave them on? You’d only need to put them on again in the morning.”
She smiled as she pushed me back down onto the bed in a sitting position and carefully removed my thigh highs. Allie pulled them out after removing them and placed them atop my bra.
“Okay…” Allie said as she turned and walked to the head of my bed and grabbed my sleeping tee from atop my pillow. “That’s as far as I go.” She giggled. “Let’s get you into the bathroom and remove your makeup.”
Allie took my hand and pulled me up once I donned my tee shirt. I couldn’t believe she was being so considerate and concerned. As we walked into the bathroom hand in hand I told her what Peter had said.
“Peter called me his most prized possession.”
“What…” Allie broke into a huge smile. “Really…? Was he serious?”
“Yeah…” I said as I sat atop the covered commode. “I think he was very serious.”
“Oh my God…! That is so…so romantic. Nobody ever said that to me.”
“Really…? That is so hard to believe. Well you are certainly mine.”
I spoke without thinking and blushed chili red when I did realize what I had said. Fortunately… Or unfortunately… It didn’t really register with Allie.
“Did he kiss you?”
“Yeah…” I sighed. “And he wanted to take me home with him.”
“Really…?”
Allie looked somewhat amazed as she carefully began to wipe my makeup off with liquid cleanser soaked tissues.
“Why didn’t you go for it? I think that if it was me…I might have? Of course the guy would have to be…well…straight. Or at least …excited…?”
“I kind of want to save myself for someone special. You know?”
“Well yeah…at least that I used to know.” She giggled. “I once heard… I think Jill told me this…that every time you’re with somebody new it’s like the first time…you know? It’s like the first time with somebody new is always special because they are special enough to be completely naked with.”
“I don’t know. That may be true. Maybe someday I’ll really find out. Or at least I would like to.”
I felt saddened that in the three ‘relationships’ I had, all too brief as they were, I really didn’t feel anything…’special’ about any of them.
Allie had gone through a few tissues with makeup remover and now turned to get the bottle of baby oil for my eyes. She used cotton balls to slowly and gently remove all of my eye makeup.
“You really looked so totally hot tonight.” I could feel her smiling down at me. “We have to do this again.”
‘You are like my best friend…ever.” I sighed. “We should do it together…you know?”
I felt myself becoming a bit emotional as I spoke those words. I mean nobody has ever taken such an interest in me before. I hate to say it but I felt like she was more of an older, and wiser, sister or even a mother figure in some ways. But emotionally it went even deeper than that. She was like my other self. I was suddenly sorry I said ‘friend’ and not…something else…something more.
“Okay sweet heart… Wash your face really well now with the soap and then put this moisturizer on.” I didn’t recognize the bottle and looked at Allie questioningly. “I picked it up for you when I went out earlier. I use it when I go all out with the war paint.” She giggled. “It’s totally the greatest…ever.”
“I don’t know?” I said as I began to apply the cream. “About this possession thingy... I mean… It’s really nice to be treated…like I’m somebody? Or at least have someone open the door and pull out your chair and stuff. But when I think of being someone’s possession… well…it’s kind of like an object on a shelf that’s taken down and played with almost like a toy. You know?”
“Listen…” Allie giggled. “At least on a shelf you get noticed from time to time…you know?” I nodded in agreement. “It’s nice to be noticed and appreciated…at least every once in a while. I kind of like being doted over and having a fuss made about me. It’s nice to have the validation, you know?”
I nodded again. She was right. It is nice to have somebody care enough to make a fuss. And the validation thingy…? Oh my God…! I’m an artist! I live and breathe the need for validation whether I want to acknowledge that fact or not.
Somebody once said; ‘Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.’ For sure that has to be true and the validation of others comes in more than handy for maintaining balance and presence of self. But I truly had to think about that objectification thingy some more.
“I don’t know baby doll.”
I spoke as I recapped the jar of cream and closely inspected my face as though something magical would happen and it would shrink my snout. I turned to Allie.
“You know how I get when I have an idea, or I’m in the midst of a work buzz.”
“Yeah… It’s like the place can burn down and you wouldn’t notice.”
“Well… If suddenly the ‘objectifier’ decides to objectify me, or de-objectify me, whilst I’m in the midst…”
“Well yeah… You certainly can’t lose sight of yourself or who you are. I, for one, think I’ve finally learned that lesson.” Allie giggled a bit nervously. “I mean I would really just love to be able to give myself…literally… to someone. You know? But I have these expectations. I want to be treated nicely and not put through all the little dramas and stuff.”
I nodded and understood what Allie was trying to say. For sure she had been abused. But…then again…she trusted poorly and trust is what it’s all about.
“Maybe it’s that I don’t fully trust Peter enough?”
I put a little hand lotion on and rubbed it into my fingers. I loved the new color on my nails and thought of how cool I would look tomorrow at the office wearing the matching lipstick. I walked back into my bedroom with Allie following close behind. I pulled down the cover and then the blanket and sheet and got into the bed.
“Mind if I join you?” Allie asked as I made myself comfortable. I was surprised…pleasantly surprised.
“No…not at all.”
Allie followed and got in on the other side. She rested on her side and propped her head up upon two pillows as she pulled the blanket up over our legs.
“So…? How was dinner? I want details.” Allie giggled.
“Well…?”
I took a deep breath and turned to copy Allie by shoving a pillow beneath my head.
“I was late of course. But nobody seemed to mind. Oh my God… Peter couldn’t take his eyes off of me! It was so funny. And neither could Bill, that’s the husband…? Well…sort of? His wife is really the one making the decisions.”
I giggled and actually got excited relating all of this to Allie.
“Actually her father is the one making the decision. Her maiden name is Scoville and she’s thinking of changing it back to that.”
“What…?” Allie’s eyes went wide in surprise. “She said that at dinner…?”
“No…” I blushed bubble gum pink. I was telling Allie what Susan and I spoke about in the Ladies Lounge; a definite Bozo no-no. “She told me in the Ladies Lounge but said that ‘Ladies Lounge rules’ applied.”
“Well…” Allie breathed out the word with a bit of theatrical hand flipping. “She obviously didn’t tell you all the rules. It is quite permissible to tell your very ‘BGFF’ whatever was said. I guarantee you that she… What’s her name?”
“Oh… Susan…” I giggled.
“I guarantee you that Susan is on the phone as we speak telling her ‘BGFF’ all about tonight including what was said in the ladies lounge. It’s not only permissible…it’s mandatory!”
Allie giggled as I carefully tried to read her expression whilst she spoke. I was silent for a few moments.
“I’ll kill you if you’re fooling around with me.” I tried my best to keep from laughing. “If any of this ever gets out…”
“Who am I going to tell? Jill…? I mean seriously...?”
So I began with the reason we wound up in the ladies lounge to begin with. I explained about her letting down and how I wanted to prevent an embarrassing moment for Susan. Then I told Allie about what she did in the stall.
“Oh my God…! She let you taste it?”
“Yeah… It was really amazing. Sweet… Kind of like a dessert sweet…almost…?”
“Oh my God…!”
I’d never seen Allie’s eyes get wider in surprise, or her smile as huge. Then I went on to tell her almost word for word what Susan and I spoke about. I told her every little detail, and facial expression, I could remember. I was reliving my evening for her and she was basking in the light of my…victory? I mean we did accomplish what we set out to do; get the account even if I felt I did nothing to really ‘sell’ our services.
I explained how after Susan confessed her ‘sins’ she told me she knew I was ‘dressing’. I also explained how amazed I was that she didn’t really seem to care. I used Susan’s own words about how she didn’t feel…‘violated’ by exposing her body to me?
I turned over onto my back and continued my tale with Susan and me returning to the table after our much extended stay in the lounge. I mentioned the silly remark that Bill had made and how Susan shut him right down and out. Although I didn’t get into too much detail, I told Allie how Susan and I just really had this amazing chemistry and we talked and talked while the guys spoke about who knows what.
By the time I got to Peter taking me home, I heard a soft purring sound to my right. I turned my head and Allie was sound asleep. I watched for a few moments at how peaceful she looked; her mouth and nose tucked into her forearm. I smiled and as gently as I could I pulled the blanket up to cover both of us. I reached for the night light and turned it off.
I could barely make out her form in the very dim glowing light from outside the window. Oh my God… I was finally sleeping with a woman even though it was not in the context I would have liked. This was an incredible first for me. This was the first time I slept with anybody else in the same bed!
I fell asleep after some time adjusting to the fact that I was sharing my bed with not simply another person…a woman…but a woman I actually desired to be with. Sometime in the middle of the night I felt a bumping. I was instantly awakened not remembering I had company. Allie had hunkered up behind me and we were back to back. She was so very warm. I could smell the faint aroma of her soap and face cream, and…her lush body. It was ever so comforting. I smiled and was soon asleep again.
She was gone by the time I had to awaken. Sometime during the early morning hours she had gotten up and left. I could still smell her lingering scent and I wished she had stayed if for no other reason than to see her smile upon opening my eyes first thing in the morning. I couldn’t help but feel that sight would have made an incredible painting.
Suddenly the wildest thought popped into my mind. I wondered what it would be like to breast feed a baby; my baby.
He still wears dresses. He still uses cosmetics. He still loves his kitten heels. He’s still on hormones. His boss is still crazy about him and Andi’s still weakening. Now he looks like a Vogue model. And now he also wants to breast feed? Could the latest new chapter rating be an indication of even weirder events to come? And will Lassie ever return home? For the answer to these and other life altering questions…be sure to take in the next exciting chapter in the adventures of ‘Andi and Allie’!!!
Andi and Allie – Chapter 17
Wax on... Wax off...
If I knew what a Brazilian waxing was going to entail, or feel like, I would have opted for the water boarding experience instead! I really don’t remember how long that torture went on for but I was ready to reveal whatever ‘they’ wanted me to reveal after the first ripping sound of my beloved hair, little that may exist, leaving my soft and fragile body.
The day after the dinner Susan actually called me. I was, to put it mildly, pleasantly shocked and surprised. She simply wanted to chat a bit and give me a ‘heads up’ on what she and her father were looking for. I felt comfortable enough to ask her what I was letting myself in for. She laughed for more than a moment or two.
“Oh honey really…” As if I should know this kind of thing. “They remove the hair from your, how shall I put this, private parts?”
“My what…?” My private parts…!
Susan laughed again.
“Yes… I’ve had it done many times…when it mattered. They remove that hair as well as the hair that you can’t get to with a razor.” Susan paused for a moment to search for a proper way to continue. “Like between your cheeks…?”
My silence gave away my trepidation.
“Oh honey… It’s really no big deal. The first day or two you’ll be a bit uncomfortable but from then on you will be glad you had it done. And the hair grows back at a much slower rate. It’s very convenient. You’ll see.” She laughed. “Just have a good moisturizer with aloe handy.”
Oh… My… God… Now I’ve shaved my hair, what little of it existed, off my chest, armpits, and legs, for years. My facial hair was basically non-existent. My body hair growth was so light that it really wasn’t a big deal. Once over with a razor usually sufficed. I would shave up to the tops of my thighs so that no hair was displayed when I wore a panty. But that was it. There really was no reason to…to go further? And I thought the little triangle looked kind of…cute?
Now I assumed that Allie had this procedure done before because of her response upon seeing the waxing as one of the services we were gifted. Although she wouldn’t tell me what it was, and being way too involved with other things, such as work, to look waxing up on the internet, only the impending closeness of the fateful date prompted me to ask Susan.
Shortly after learning the bitter truth from Susan, Peter called me into his office. He was sitting at his desk in his ‘worried’ position. His elbows were on the desk top and his hands folded. His eyes never left me once I entered his office.
“Please sit down Andi.” He waved his hand toward the chair in front of his desk. “We need to have a talk.”
This was not good. He didn’t even comment on how I was dressed; a normal morning ritual. I sat down and folded my hands in my lap as I smiled pleasantly. I could see he was really bothered by something and that bothered me.
“The people uptown want to meet with you. Now I know you met some of them briefly at the Christmas party but everyone had at least a couple of drinks and you were simply just another face in the crowd, albeit a lovely face.” He smiled at me. “This is a bit more serious. Evidently Mr. Scoville called them this morning and gave them the good news. When they asked what the deciding factor was, he said it was you.”
“Well that should be great news.” I grinned and giggled.
“Yes Andi, it certainly should be. The problem is that they are expecting someone named Andrew to visit uptown and you don’t look anything like an Andrew. Do you see the problem?”
“Uhhh… Sort of…”
In truth I didn’t see what the ‘problem’ was. Maybe I was that naïve but…I mean…who cares how I dress? Nobody really ever sees me except the people in this office and they don’t really seem to care. Anyway, nobody ever called me ‘Andrew’ and I only thought of myself as being ‘Andy’…or now ‘Andi’.
“Look…” Peter leaned forward coming a bit closer to me. “…these are the sales people and so far we’ve gotten…” He cleared his throat and smiled. “You’ve gotten two enormous accounts. That’s going to make them look pretty bad and I’m sure that some of them are very likely going to try and get you fired…or at least stifled. I simply don’t want to give them any excuse. Now you must admit that dressing the way you do, at the very least, seem…eccentric?”
Well… Okay… I guess it is a bit eccentric. Anyway, that does sound a little better than crazy? I know Peter was only thinking of my welfare otherwise I would have argued a bit. I mean… What about all the women out there with short hair, men’s styled shoes, jean and flannel shirts and… Well… You get the picture. But for sure there aren’t a whole ton of guys dressing DKNY or Ferragamo flats.
“What should I do? I mean I don’t think I can change my manner of dress. This…” I waved my hands along the length of my body. “This is…me. This is how I see myself. You know?”
I felt myself beginning to become emotional. Peter got up from his chair and came around his desk to lean against the front of it. He bent and took both my hands in his. His eyes locked on mine and his expression was quite serious.
“I think I have an idea. But it’s a bit radical.” I was a bit overcome and all I could do was nod my head. “Suppose…now just suppose you changed your name to something like…Andrea? And maybe we could find a shrink who can attest to the fact that you are in transition.”
I began to react but Peter shushed me and continued.
“It’s only in form…not in substance. The company has a strict policy against sexual and gender discrimination. You don’t need to do anything differently then you’re currently doing. You may need to see the shrink once in a while but that would be it.”
I thought about it. I’m already on the ‘mones. I certainly looked the part. And if it means I can keep my job without creating problems for dear Peter…?
“But…” Ah ha…!!! I knew there was something. “It does mean that if somebody asks you if you’re transitioning…you’ll need to bite your tongue and nod your head ‘yes’. Do you think you can do that?”
I opened my mouth, bit my tongue, and nodded my head. Peter laughed.
“Good... You know I’d hate to lose you over something stupid and preventable. Now I’ve managed to put them off until after the New Year. I told them we have too much work to get done for next week but we’ll have to get everything in motion by the end of next week for sure.”
‘In motion by the end of next week...’ Oh my God…! I had no idea what that meant.
“I have a friend who’s an attorney. She’s very competent and does work for me. You’ll meet her at the party this Saturday. She’s ‘family’ and will help us pro bono.”
I guess the quizzical look on my face said it all. Peter chuckled and smiled reassuringly.
“She’s gay and she’ll do the work for nothing. Of course it wouldn’t hurt to maybe gift her with something token. Maybe a piece of painted pottery…?”
“Oh… Of course...” Lawyers…?
“Don’t worry sweet heart. Her name is Joan Watson and I know you’ll just love her.”
So… You might ask what a bikini waxing and lawyers have in common? Well…? The truth is that my persona was suddenly taking on a whole new life of its own. I was becoming more than neck deep in femininity to the point that legally I was going to become a woman. And all this was happening regardless of how I felt about my masculine self…or what very little remained of it.
How deep was this rabbit hole becoming? Well…you might ask how much deeper could I get without going radical; surgery and even greater amounts of hormones. I was suddenly more interested in the women’s section of my on-line provider than the news. I couldn’t walk past a mirror without looking into it to make sure I looked…well…perfect? And I couldn’t resist picking up the latest Vogue, any edition, Elle, or InStyle when I saw an issue.
That evening at home I sat down with Allie after dinner and had a serious talk with her. I needed to get a grip on what was happening to me and I was hoping she could provide a reality check; something I badly needed by the end of the day.
“You’re what!” Allie was quite shocked upon learning that I would be officially transitioning. “Surely you can’t be serious…!”
“I am serious and don’t call me Shirley.”
“But what about your…your thingy…?” Allie made a gesture toward her crotch.
“No… Oh no… It’s only for appearances.”
“You mean it’s not going to work? You’re getting rid of it?!” Allie’s face reflected her distress.
I had to giggle at that. I mean my dick wasn’t the most fave part of my body, but I didn’t dislike it. In fact it does provide me with a few moments of fun and exquisite pleasure whilst I shower. And it does feel kind of good to pass a bit of water through it now and then. I thought it odd that she should ask though.
“No baby doll… You don’t get it. We’re doing this for appearances so that there’s nothing anyone can do to fire me because I dress…eccentrically? The account executives uptown are getting a bit jealous of our success I guess. Don’t forget they’re going to be losing out on a sizable amount of billing commissions not to mention the bragging rights. And if they find out I’m…well…different in any way, they’ll be after my head…and other parts I’m not quite willing to relinquish.”
“Who’s going to get this done for you? I mean it’s not so easy.”
“I know. There’s stuff needed from doctors. And then there’s a name change.”
“A name change…? Are you going to become Andrea or something?”
Allie looked rather concerned. All of this was kind of sudden although I should have expected something weird to happen. I mean everything…life in general…was better than I could ever have imagined. There had to be a least one or two bumps in the road?
This was almost story book stuff. I mean who becomes an artistic success right out of school? Who gets a dynamite first job and does dynamite work right from the start? Who gets to live in a great place with a great roommate and work for a great boss? My poopie simply didn’t stink…at all! At least not yet anyway…
“No sweet heart…not Andrea…just plain and simple Andi.” I smiled and took her hands in mine. “I just need to know that I’m doing the right thing.”
“Well…” Allie took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “This means that you’ll have to check the ‘ef’ box instead of the ‘em’ box from now on. There won’t be a box for ‘other’ or ‘TBD’ for that matter you know.”
“Listen… I’m not going to be any different now simply because of some papers and some legal thingy.”
“Oh yeah…? Just think of how different you are now than when you first moved in.”
Allie certainly did have a point. My ‘look’ was certainly more of a thing than ever before. It was no longer the simple throw on some pants and a blouse. Now everything was decided and planned…coordinated…styled? I rarely left the apartment without at least getting Allie’s approval that I looked okay. In fact I not only had a real wardrobe, I also had a color palette for my face. I noticed tears welling up in her eyes.
“Why are you crying?” I couldn’t understand her getting emotional over this.
“I’m not crying.” She sniffled.
‘Of course not…! Those wet things about to roll down your cheek are dripping from the melting ice on the ceiling…right?’ I gave Allie a look to match my sarcasm.
“It’s like you’re going somewhere and…and…” I took a tissue and wiped the tears from her eyes. “It’s like I feel you’re going somewhere and I can’t follow…you know?”
I was stunned. I couldn’t envision going anywhere without her; if for no other reason than she is my muse…and, dare I say it…my love? This didn’t make sense to me. I mean…a name change and a gender switch on paper…and she and I can’t still be a ‘we’?
Something must have happened between last night and this night; something very dramatic. I got off my seat, walked around to Allie, bent down, and put my arms around her and held her.
“I am not going anywhere without you…not ever.” I whispered softly into her ear.
Allie pushed me away and jumped out of her seat.
“Oh you’re so full of shit Andi!”
She shouted as tears really began to flow. She was so very angry. I haven’t seen Allie this angry since that incident with John Simms!
“Like… You’re going to fuck Peter and then come here to sleep? Or is he going to fuck you and then you come here afterward? Is that how it’s going to work?” Poor Allie was verging on being hysterical. “And what about your mystery woman…? Are you going to fuck her and then just up and leave her to come back here?”
Allie backed away from me as she continued to rant. Suddenly I understood. I couldn’t have been more stupid not to see this coming. She was afraid of me moving out. She was afraid of us growing apart for a whole lot of reasons. And I’m sure that her falling asleep in my bed had to have something to do with all of this. I must admit that feeling her body next to mine was so wonderfully luscious that it defied description.
Was this merely a case of jealousy? I mean… When she stayed out overnight with a ’friend’ I remember how I felt. But I wasn’t staying out with anyone overnight. I was home every single night. And the only times I went out in the evening were either with Allie, or with Peter. And with Peter those were almost always for business…even if he did flirt and come on to me.
The more I thought about what was happening, the more confused I became. Then I fortunately remembered something I learned whilst in therapy during my college years; don’t listen to only the words…listen to everything else as well. I didn’t feel that a logical argument would be affective so I cautiously withdrew to my bedroom and laid myself down upon my bed to review what I had just been subjected to.
I wasn’t there for more than maybe ten minutes when Allie appeared in the doorway and very timidly rapped on the door post to get my attention. I was on my bed working in my sketch pad. I often do my best thinking when I’m sketching. I looked up and smiled at her as I motioned with my head to come in.
“I’m sorry I went off on you.” She said as she came in and sat down on the edge of my bed. “I had no right…or reason to do that.” Allie dabbed the tissue in her hand at the corner of her eyes. “I’ve been feeling kind of weird lately. Maybe it’s a hormonal thing? I don’t know?”
Now I’d become somewhat inure to ‘those times of the month’. All Allie ever required was an extra piece of chocolate anything, Motrin, wine, and water. She rarely got into a mood either before or during her flow. So her belief that this was a ‘hormonal thing’ needed close watching.
She looked down at the tissue in her hands.
“Maybe you should see a doctor?” I sat up and moved over to her with my legs crossed beneath me.
“I have an appointment in two weeks. I am really so sorry.” She began to cry again.
I reached out and put my arms around her and simply held her. Allie kind of curled her head into my chest and let me very slowly rock her. I’m not sure who was more comforted by that. I felt so very good that we were…well…we were we again…if only platonically.
“You’re my ‘BGFF’. I’ll always forgive you. You silly girl you…” I giggled as I held her.
Allie calmed down after a few minutes and we spent a bit of time simply talking about her outburst and her emotions. Now, you might ask, what does a Brazilian waxing and an emotional outburst have to do with each other. Good question. They basically deal with the same thing; the time we spend together…which was always extensive.
The next day Allie made an appointment with a shop recommended by the salon people and we both went and got navel piercings. Though this was basically my idea, Allie, with a bit of trepidation, wanted to do the same. I must admit that I was quite excited when I thought of a drop or stiletto piece of jewelry dangling from her absolutely adorable…as in worthy of total adoration…navel.
I had no idea of the amount of care the piercing would entail. Being covered most of the time, unlike an ear piercing, keeping the ‘wound’ clean and sanitary posed a serious challenge for me. Whilst hygiene always was a major concern of mine, thanks mom, the new routine was not easy to grasp. Thankfully Allie was more than up to the task for the both of us. She would even text me midday to make sure I’d done the alcohol thingy.
We were also in countdown mode for Peter’s New Year’s Eve party. Allie retrieved our altered clothing which we tried on and were more than satisfied with the fit. We both took Friday off to accommodate our spa visit. This would give us both a much needed one day healing time from the trauma of the waxing. And, thinking even one step further, Allie made appointments for us at the salon.
This would be my second visit in less than a week; a first for me to be sure. I simply had to get my nails done…again. They still boasted the wonderful deep ox blood colored polish which would simply not do with me wearing a tuxedo; even one with a decidedly femme styling. I would be going back to my traditional (okay…so it’s a new tradition) pale pink tinted clear nail polish and my toes needed to be done anyway.
The spa was literally a fantasy land for a woman. I felt more than a bit of anxiety Friday morning as we prepared to leave the apartment. After all, I was going to venture into a very private reserve to have, amongst other things, my very private parts tended to. It took a phone call to Jill as well as more than a bit of wine Thursday evening to finally put my mind to the task.
Jill assured me that she would never give a gift that would cause embarrassment. She also assured me that other people, and she was sure to emphasize ‘people’, such as me, were on the spa’s very private customer list.
Jill also revealed that a number of very high profile celebrities used the spa on a regular basis. After a second glass of wine, a true rarity for me, I was duly convinced that I would not be embarrassed or humiliated in any way, shape, or form.
The spa was located on the Upper East Side of town. The building was actually a double townhouse and totally unassuming; if you didn’t have the address, you wouldn’t even realize it was there. But upon entering the front doors, it was as if one stepped into a whole new reality.
The interior appointments were ultra-modern with subdued but colorful lighting and plenty of chrome, glass and leather. The staff all wore uniforms as colorful as the interior and the receptionist was…well…gorgeous and fastidiously styled from her face down to her toes.
We were greeted quite heartily as if it was all about us…sincerely and truly about us. When Allie gave our names to Sybil, that was her name, she perked up with an even bigger smile upon her blood red lips and announced that they were expecting us and gave us a six page form to fill out.
Once we handed this back to Sybil, with the very English accent, we were given our agenda for the day…the entire day! Fortunately the waxing was set for the morning just after the hot tub and the exfoliation. This was to be followed by a facial and full body nutrient treatment that, thankfully, included aloe. Lunch would also be served; soup, salad with fruit and vegetables, and flavored water.
The afternoon held the real delights. A full body massage and treatment followed by time in the steam room and a final facial cleansing and treatment. By the time we were finished we needed to lean against one another to remain upright. I actually fell asleep in the Uber on the way back home. Once we got upstairs, we dropped our coats and bags and it was into the kitchen to fetch two bottles of water. We got as far as the loveseat in the cave. We collapsed into our usual places and fell asleep.
Upon awakening, I remember feeling so unbelievably refreshed and my body felt…feather light? I had real spring in my step and everything seemed so colorfully vibrant as I glanced around. My skin felt slightly oily from the treatments and the massage and I could smell ginger from something that was used on me. I also felt a slight irritation in my crotch and between my butt cheeks from the waxing but certainly nothing nearly as unbearable as the treatment itself.
Okay… So maybe I would do the waxing again if the rest of the agenda could follow. I had no idea what Jill paid for that day but it must have been astronomical. Allie and I were both on the phone relating our adventures to her and, of course, our thanks. We were equally thanked by Jill for our gifts to her. She had received compliments on the painting from all who saw it.
Jill also mentioned that she had received a call from Bob Preston. He wanted to know when I would have enough work completed to perhaps have another showing or at least a few pieces to have on display. She also mentioned that she received calls from three other gallery owners who were interested in my work.
I was excited. I needed the money. I somehow managed to go through all of the money I had received from my show…and in a very short period of time! But I suppose that is to be expected when one goes about buying excessively expensive clothing and accessories. Oh my God…! The gown alone…! Jill was most gratified to learn that both Allie and I were working on new pieces and that I did have nine completed oils already.
I was beginning to think of larger works as well. This was somewhat problematic because the larger the piece, the larger the studio required. That night was as good a night as any to discuss this with Allie. I needed a larger studio and I told Allie as much. We were munching on left overs in the cave.
“Well…” Allie grinned sheepishly and spoke as she turned a quite interesting shade of vermillion. “I kind of have a confession to make.”
A confession…? What would my needing more studio space have to do with some sort of confession?
“Is this something lurid and depraved…I hope?” I giggled and arched both my brows as I smiled as wickedly as I could.
“Oh yeah… Sure… I should be that lucky.” She laughed. “We could open up the floor below us and move whatever we need to down there. My space is getting a bit cramped as well.”
“What do you mean ‘open up downstairs’? That would mean a second rent or something.”
“Well…? Not exactly...” She modestly peered over the chicken leg in her hands.
“What do you mean ‘not exactly’?”
Okay… I can play this game as well. I giggled at the thought of pulling this out of her one piece at a time.
“Well…” Her voice rose in pitch and her eyes glanced everywhere except at me. “I own the building?”
I began to cough and choke on the piece of fried chicken I had been swallowing when she disclosed this new and very startling revelation. I tried to speak but couldn’t get enough air to make any words form. Allie jumped into action and began to slap me on my back with a bit of force. Whatever was caught came loose and I was able to at least mouth the words.
“What…?!” I spoke in tacit. I took a large sip of water to try and restore my voice.
I knew that Allie came from a moneyed family. I knew that from the start…or at least shortly after we met. But she never gave that impression. Allie was never anything but humble about what she may, or not may, have had. Whilst everything she did was first class to be sure, she never made an issue out of it or fussed about it in the manner that I’ve since heard others fuss.
But there was something about her announcement concerning the building that suddenly gave me a new perspective on my dear friend. She was propertied. She owned something. To someone like me…someone who came from nothing…this was impressive. Perhaps that’s why she never mentioned this fact before. We were equals socially before and now she was, in my mind, much the superior. After all, I owned nothing but what I could fit into a few boxes.
“Are you okay?”
Her concern was, as usual, real. She grasped my hands and her worried look said it all.
“Yes.” I squeaked and nodded.
Allie giggled at the noise I made.
“It’s really no big deal you know. I purchased this place at a really great price and fixed it up over several years. I rent the store out and leave the rest empty. We can really make a nice studio space downstairs.”
Her eyes brightened with excitement and her voice modulated in a musical fashion as her ideas spilled out. She must have had this in mind for some time.
“We can put in a circular stairway so that we won’t even need to leave the apartment to go downstairs.”
‘We’ seemed to fill the gap in almost every statement she made. I felt good about that small two lettered detail; especially after her…her melt down the other evening? I smiled at Allie and suddenly realized that we were holding each other’s greasy hands.
Allie continued to go on and on about the possibilities of the added space between bites of food. I smiled and listened and nodded but my mind was elsewhere. I was thinking about much larger canvasses; bigger projects. I thought about different planes and shapes and perhaps splotches of color for accent.
And then there were some textural ideas I had that simply didn’t translate onto smaller surfaces well; white on whites or maybe cream on white. Plus all that space would be ideal for multi paneled works and even large constructions.
The evening past quickly and, after having a bit of dessert and cleaning up, we walked slowly to our own bedrooms. I continued across the front of the apartment leaving Allie at her bedroom door.
“Andi…?” I turned to look at Allie. “The other night…when I fell asleep in your bed…?”
I could see Allie blushing rosso corsa even with the dimmed lighting. But she was smiling as she clutched herself, her arms beneath her breasts.
“Yeah…?” I smiled back at her.
“It was really nice.” She giggled.
“No… It wasn’t nice…” I think I shocked her as her smile began to disappear. “It was simply amazing and wonderful.” I laughed as her smile returned bigger than before. “It was heavenly.”
I quickly turned back and walked into my bedroom. I didn’t want to see the look on Allie’s face or to even make eye contact with her. In truth…? I was frightened. I was afraid to let myself go. I was afraid of the flood of emotions that might escape in words without thought. As I flopped onto my bed, images flashed across my very tired mind; images of the day’s activities, of different works I wanted to do, of new studio space, and of Allie.
I turned over and reached for the pillow she slept on the other night. I brought it to my face and inhaled as deeply as I could. Her scent was still very much on it. I smiled and clutched it to my body for a moment and then I laid it across my face lightly again. I finally fell asleep thinking of her…in bed…next to me.
Saturday was sheer madness. We slept in longer than either one of us planned. I awoke first and, after donning my robe, wandered into the kitchen to find that Allie was still asleep. How could I tell? The coffee was not yet made; a sure give-away. It’s not that I relegated that particular responsibility to her. I simply made really barfo coffee.
I waited in the kitchen whilst it brewed and thought back to Allie’s melt down. She was bothered not only by the fact that I would be changing my name, but also my gender, at least legally. The gender thingy bothered me. It was a lie. My entire life had been framed by ugly and blatant truths. I never sought to hide them. So why bother now? Or was I hiding it behind my…’performance art’?
It was the job of course…and Peter. I know he was looking after my best interests but the fact was that I would need to tell all who asked that I was indeed a woman, which I was not; and that indeed I was transitioning, which I was not. Peter’s job would not be affected by my having to leave. He wouldn’t like it on several different levels, but he would not lose his position.
The idea of a name change however was really cool! I was never really thrilled with the name of Andrew, or Andy for that matter. But plain and simple Andi, as Allie first spelled it, was truly a great inspiration. It was unique enough to work for me.
I was lost in thought when Allie came walking in with the brightest smile ever. I told her how I felt about Peter’s plan and she whole heartedly agreed. She even seemed somewhat relieved that I was sort of deferring to her about the gender thingy. I poured her a cup of coffee. She took a sip, promptly spit it into the sink, complemented me on my attempt, and began a new pot as she planned out our day for us.
I rushed to shower and get ready for our appointment at the salon. The thirty first of December is not a favorite for anyone in the styling business because everyone had somewhere to be that evening and the schedules were tight. We picked up something to eat on the way and we fortunately arrived a few minutes early. None of the stylists wanted to be working late and we both constituted the very last appointments of the afternoon.
We were to be at Peter’s place at nine that evening. We would have enough time to rest a bit which was fine with me. I wanted my nails to be fully dry. Nothing was worse than having a newly done manicure be ruined because of chucking a nail against something and having the finish marred.
Dressing is always a ritual. But dressing up for New Year’s eve out is like the greatest ritual ever; the Sanct Grael of the year! It’s a religious experience in that every little thing must be done to perfection or nothing works…at all. It’s like an obsessive-compulsive thingy. If one’s stockings aren’t on just right…they come off and one does it again. If, for some reason, the bra you’re planning to wear doesn’t look right, another must be found along with, of course, the matching panty.
And one’s makeup must be totally perfect. Lord only knows it’s going to wear anyway? But for that first look, the one that’ll remain in someone’s mind, and hopefully the mind of someone really hot, it must be totally perfect; not even one eye lash out of place. I mean, once they’ve had a drink or two, who cares? But until then…until that first glimpse is had…until that first hello to someone new…nothing less than perfect will do.
I can recall redoing my eye liner several times to get it just right. And my eye shadow…oh my God… I’ve redone that numerous times to get the color just right or the blending perfect. I mean why bother unless you do it properly and it looks…perfect.
But tonight was to be something different. In a sense I was making a statement by wearing the tuxedo and my makeup had to be…well…more subtle than usual. I needed to look butch but with a femme flare. I was using a new lip color called ‘Satin’. I wanted more than merely a hint of color and one light application would do it.
It was the color of a port wine. I know that red wine often stains the lips and that was the color I was looking for. But too often that color is applied way too heavily. I wanted that stained look; just enough to be noticed…but not noticed?
My eyes would be done simply; only liner and two coats of mascara. The liner was dark grey; a color that would emphasize my eyes. A lighter smoke grey for shadow would suffice. The only other color would be a touch of blush in a dark rose to accent the ‘stained’ look on my lips.
Allie began dressing well before I did. But she first made sure my breast forms were reattached. I had worn them since the dinner a few days earlier and, because they were so very comfortable for me at that point, I had neglected to remove them until Friday: the spa day.
She came into my bedroom wearing her robe but she was nearly dressed beneath it. Allie already had her shoes on which told me that she only needed to put on her gown. I let her do my eyes. I felt immense joy in looking into her eyes and face as she carefully applied my makeup. Her face was a mask of intense concentration though she would occasionally smile when she noticed me gazing at her.
“See anything you fancy?” Allie asked with a giggle as she finished.
“Uhhh… Yeah… Everything...” I giggled and smiled coyly.
“Okay… Stand up and let’s see how you look.”
She backed away from where I sat. She was still holding the liner and mascara in her hands. I stood up and, after adjusting the cuffs on my shirt and putting on my jacket, I walked to the mirror on my door to have a look.
“Well…? What do you think?” I turned and asked with a note of worry in my voice.
I was somewhat nervous about this entire thing and actually had considered wearing the gown I had purchased that day at Allie’s insistence. Allie smiled broadly and made a circular motion with her finger. I turned slowly letting her take everything in. She breathed in deeply and exhaled, clutching herself as she looked at me…lovingly?
“You really look so amazing. Like… Sweet hot…? I really love the look of everything. And your shoes are simply perfect.” Allie’s eyes were aglow and as wide as her smile as she spoke.
“You don’t think this is too…butch?”
“Oh my God no…! We’ll be so perfect together. You’re femme enough to create mystery. I really love it. It’s so…decadent.” Her eyes were aglow as she chuckled.
I smiled and turned back to the mirror as Allie got up and left the room to finish dressing. I heard her call and her footsteps approaching my room after a short time. I knew what she needed and before she could even get the words out, I motioned for her to turn. I zipped up her up and fastened the tiny hooks on the back of her dress. In her hand she had her lipstick case with the color pots we needed.
“This is going to be so cool!” Allie was so excited that I could actually see her trembling.
She was so intent on looking really great and having a great time. We had gone out before and always enjoyed ourselves but this was the first time I had invited her to a private party; and a New Year’s Eve party as well! This was also a first for me; a party with a date! And it was a dress up New Year’s Eve party; something I had never been to and she hadn’t been to in quite some time. And she seemed to be even more excited that she was going with me!
It was so totally cool. Allie sat perfectly still as I began to do her lips. I derived such immense pleasure from doing it as well; working on a human canvass was such a trip. And her lips were ever so inviting; slightly parted and moistened from the plumper I used first.
As I applied the lip line with a fine brush, I could understand Allie’s enjoyment of doing my makeup albeit infrequently these days. In a way this reminded me of those fill in the color books I would occasionally come across at someone else’s house. I believe that my not having them at my home contributed with my early drawing skills developing.
While my eyes were on her lips, Allie’s eyes were on mine. She had a hard time trying to keep from smiling and laughing because the movements of the brush tickled. Doing her lips turned into such an incredibly sensual experience for the both of us. Between bushing on the fill in for the liner to blotting after two coats and then repeating the entire ritual with the tinted gloss to get the closest color match, I became so focused in on Allie’s lips that I neglected to hear her giggle.
“What…” I asked with a curious smile.
“You have that totally captivated look on your face.” Allie giggled again.
“What?” I was so clueless; a captivated ‘look’? I wasn’t aware that I had one.
“Yeah… You know… It’s that look you sometimes get when you’re concentrating on a particular aspect of something you’re working on? Like a portrait or something?”
“Oh… I’m just concentrating on what I’m doing.”
I tried to make light of it but Allie simply wouldn’t have any of that. She wanted to…torture me a little?
“Yeah…” Allie smiled and nodded. “Sure… I would love to know what you were thinking when you just had that look.”
Allie had such an irritatingly smug expression on her face. It was like she already knew the answer but simply wanted to hear it. Actually…I had to giggle. She probably did know exactly what I was thinking.
I stood up and took the brushes into the bathroom to be washed later. I replaced the lipstick pots into the box and held my hand out to Allie. She took it and stood up. I ushered her over to the full length mirror and stood beside her as she inspected herself carefully, and then me, and then us together.
“WOW!!!”
Allie exclaimed with a giggle. “We do look so…” She turned to look at me with a huge grin. “…perfect? I mean we do look kind of like a real couple. We look…” Allie turned to gaze at me. “…hot!”
I put my arm around her waist and stepped closer to her.
“Yeah…” I laughed. “…like a pair of really chic…lesbians?”
“Well… What the hell…” Allie giggled with a hint of resignation in her voice. “My folks already think I’ve become a lesbian. And…” She looked at me again, but this time with some seriousness in her face. “…and Jill thinks I’m becoming a ‘fag hag’”.
“A what…?”
“You know…a ‘homo honey’, a ‘queen bee’, a ‘fairy princess’…” With each questionable phrase, several of which were totally new to me, Allie was becoming more depressed and cynical.
“Why…?” Clue…! Less…!
“Why…?” Allie turned to face me, her face expressing amazement. “Why…? I haven’t the slightest idea why. Just because my best friend…other than Jill…dresses acts and even thinks like a woman. BUT…” She pointed her index finger upward for emphasis. “…on some world in another reality this person is actually a man doesn’t mean I’m any such thing…does it? And simply because this friend isn’t sure whether he’d rather fuck men or women…” Now she sounded exasperated. “Well…that doesn’t mean anything either I suppose.”
“Huh…? Do you mean me?” I was shocked by her outburst that seemed to come out of the blue.
“Duh…!” Allie lilted as she held her arms out as if in an opera; and maybe this was an opera of a sort.
The notion suddenly struck me that maybe Allie was not happy with these appellations. I certainly never thought of myself as being gay although the more vulgar variations of that word were often hurled my way in the past. My attraction to good-looking guys was… Well… It seemed quite normal and natural; totally unworthy of a particular category?
I was somewhat confused by Allie’s outburst. This has never been an issue before and certainly Allie never treated me with any special deference as a result. Nor have I ever kept my sexual ambiguity from her or allowed it to interfere with our very close relationship. But what was more troubling was the fact that this was the second spontaneous outburst from her within twenty four hours.
I didn’t want to start the evening, especially the New Year, off badly with her. I also knew that I couldn’t do too much thinking about this now. I needed to divert her attention from whatever her mind had captured and latched onto. I grasped her arms gently to totally capture her attention.
“Okay… Would you really like to know what I was thinking as I did your lips?”
Allie looked at me with surprise…and a grin.
“Yeah… I really do.” Allie placed her hands on her hips and set her jaw.
She smiled but she had that determined look that sometimes came to her face when she wasn’t going to let go of something. Now my policy has always been to tell the truth as honestly as possible but with a degree of…temperance? I didn’t want to tell Allie exactly how I felt least I make a complete fool out of myself. I was accustomed in the past to settle for a partial fool. So I looked her squarely in the eyes.
“I was thinking about how I wanted to wear my gown also? But seeing how amazing you look, how totally beautiful you are…especially in your gown…I’m glad I didn’t.”
Well…that was true and certainly sincere. But Allie wasn’t buying it. She crossed her arms and began to tap her toe quite noisily on the floor.
“Okay… Okay… It’s just that they looked so perfect…so…inviting…that I wanted to touch them with my own.”
“You mean you wanted to kiss me?” Allie giggled.
“Yes…” I was so suddenly flustered. “I mean…” Oh well, I might as well resign and concede defeat. “Yes…”
“Oh…” Allie smiled and blushed Spanish red.
I think that perhaps now she was a bit flustered as she looked back at me.
“So…why didn’t you?” She asked quite coyly.
“And ruin a gorgeous work of art?” I giggled nervously.
I hoped that would be enough and I wouldn’t have to admit my…fears…my…love for her? Fortunately the apartment bell rang from downstairs to interrupt Allie’s interrogation.
“Who could that be?” I asked Allie in surprise.
“Oh…” She said rather matter of fact manner. “I ordered a car for this evening. I figured that it would be impossible to get a cab tonight and especially after midnight.”
The Party of the Year…End…
That was the thing about Allie; she could plan ahead like nobody I’d ever met; especially for a ‘very big’ evening. We quickly put on our coats and grabbed our clutch purses. Okay… So a clutch with a tuxedo was not standard equipage but who ever had enough pockets? And who wanted to ruin the lines of a perfectly good designer suit?
Waiting patiently curb side was a tall black suited man with a large four door black sedan. He opened the rear door for us and assisted Allie in first. I entered and sat down in the leather seat and, as he closed the door and went around to the driver’s door, I let out a deep breath.
I was nervous. I think Allie sensed it and she took hold of my hand and smiled at me. I smiled back but I quickly looked away and out the window as we began our journey uptown. I think that my nervousness was due to the fact that in all the time I had been dressing androgynously, albeit somewhat more femme, I had done so with the intent of being on my own…by myself?
Tonight was very different though; this was kind of a date. Even when I accompanied Allie to her parents’ home, it was more of a favor. I was there to lend moral support in a situation that often got the better of her. But tonight we would be together as an attending couple. I could have gone alone or with any other person but I purposely wanted Allie with me to enjoy a party.
I was quiet the entire trip and Allie had the good grace to leave me to my thoughts. A thousand things ran through my mind and I was so distracted that before I knew it, we had arrived in front of a large townhouse across the street from Grammercy Park. There were two or three couples formally dressed heading toward us as we exited the car.
As I stepped onto the sidewalk with the driver’s assistance and looked up at Peter’s home. A wreath hung from each of the large double wooden doors and warm lighting shone through the transom windows. I grasped Allie’s hand and we ascended the few steps to the door. We were followed by both finely dressed couples. When I looked around for a doorbell or knocker, the woman behind us spoke.
“Oh the door is open…just go in.” She smiled and laughed. “Peter doesn’t stand on formalities like ringing bells and such.”
“Happy New Year…” I said as I turned and smiled.
She and her escort returned the greeting as I reached for the large handle and opened the door. I held it opened for the ladies and the unknown women’s guests and then I followed closing the door behind me. We were greeted by a tall Christmas tree in the atrium that was decorated in a most spectacular fashion.
I was instantly attracted to that tree.
I walked up to it, Allie’s hand in mine, to look at the ornaments. There were over a hundred different ones hanging. Some were hand carved or hand fashioned out of different materials. There were several antique Venetian glass angels, wood carved stars and figures, a ceramic manger and figures as well as candle powered chimes of tin.
But what really impressed me was the time line…sort of a lineage…of Christmas decorations that might have been passed down from generation to generation within Peter’s family. This represented the one thing missing from my life; a family’s story; a family’s history.
“Welcome and happy holiday to you both!”
I turned my head in mid examination of a particular ornament to see a truly beautiful and elegant woman approach with both arms out. “You must be Andi.” She said as she embraced me and kissed my cheek. “And Allie…?” She then did the same to Allie. “I’m Linda Griffin…Peter’s ex-wife?”
Linda had the appearance of a fashion model. Her figure was absolutely perfect as were her features. Her styling was perfectly and professionally done from her hair down to her shoes; a silk cover high heeled black sandal to match her designer gown. She had the palest blue gray eyes that complimented her chestnut colored hair.
Linda’s gown was black with a tulip shaped skirt. She wore a white silk blazer atop it. A simple diamond encrusted gold medallion hung from her neck and a diamond ring encircled the middle finger of her right hand. Her makeup was sparse but quite becoming and her skin was perfect. Linda was the model of simple elegance.
But I must say that none of this seemed to be affected. She style was simply a reflection of who she was. Linda was nothing but warm and complimentary and everything a good hostess should be. She fawned over everyone that evening and made sure that everything occurred as it should without having things appear to be planned. She was simply amazing.
“Yes… Hi… And the same to you…”
I was a bit startled…to say the least. Peter had mentioned that he and his ‘ex’ were the best of friends but I hadn’t realized that he really meant ‘the best of friends’. I mean to invite one’s ex to a party and have them attend; really!
“Peter has told me so much about you. I have never seen him so excited about a young artist before; and to have them come in pairs!” Linda chuckled.
Linda turned and smiled so…so…glowingly at Allie who blushed amaranth quite profusely. Flattery does so become her. Linda turned to me and took my hand in hers.
“Our daughter Lilly is here tonight and we both are dying to speak with you. She’s a budding artist and adores what she’s seen of your work.”
Okay…so flattery becomes me as well. I blushed preppy red and told her that my time was theirs whenever it was convenient for them. This was something new to me; being the center of attention for what others perceive as being my…expertise? I mean… My display at Allie’s parents’ party was more an act of self-defense for the both of us than an exposition of my knowledge of art history.
Linda took us by our elbows and escorted us away from the tree and into the large living room. She took us directly to Peter. There were only a few people thus far and he saw us enter the room. He excused himself from the two guests he was speaking with and met us half way across the room.
“Andi… Allie…” Peter came up and hugged and kissed us both. “Thank you so much for coming. Andi…” Peter said as he took both my hands in his. “…you look just wonderful tonight. And you Allie…” He repeated his hand holding with Allie. “…you are absolutely breath taking!”
I looked at Allie. She was breath taking…especially with that wonderfully colorful poppy red blush.
“We have a wine bar set up in the corner and we have several really wonderful bottles uncorked; really good vintages so please…do try them all.”
Peter began to escort us toward the far corner of the room. I noticed a stringed sextet getting ready to begin playing. They appeared to be students but, knowing Peter; they were probably one step away from debut performance.
“We also have something a bit stronger if you prefer.” He chuckled.
On either side of the wine bar was a table; one with an assortment of cheeses and fresh cut fruit and the other featured caviar and other delicacies. Peter informed us that dinner was at eleven and to leave some room for the foods to be served.
“Jerry…!” Peter turned his head to call to another guest. He waved the man over and another man accompanied him. “Jerry…this is Andi and his guest Allie.” Peter turned to me. “Jerry wrote that glowing review of your showing for the Times.”
“His guest…?” Jerry spoke in quite an effected manner as he addressed Peter and then glanced at me. “I thought you were…oh…never mind. Are you in transition?”
“Uhhh…” Thankfully, before I could answer, Jerry gazed at Allie.
“And you’re the potter.” Jerry spoke even before I could even fully answer his query. “I adore classical forms and you’re very good at making them. They’re not heavy either. That shows some good skills. You both work well together.” He turned to me. “At the risk of alienating Peter…and I do love him so…you really should give up your day job and concentrate on what you do so very well. Oh…!!! You really must go to Europe.”
Jerry’s face lighted up with excitement. His somewhat rotund form moved as did his arms as he expounded on the virtues of living ‘abroad’ and viewing the works of the great masters up close and…personal? And to see the architecture and absorb some of the culture that helped shape these great artists... He made it all seem so appealing that I didn’t mind his endless, and quite flamboyant, litany.
Jerry went on and on and on relating one tale after another when I suddenly noticed a diminutive figure in his great shadow. I happened to catch a slight oriental face and I smiled and said hello; briefly interrupting Jerry’s…sermon?
“I’m Andi.” I held out my hand in the least imposing way possible. The man seemed so meek and I didn’t want to intimidate him; which would have been a first on my part.
“Hi…my name is…” He quickly jutted out from behind Jerry and gently grasped my hand.
“Oh…this is Ben.” Jerry said as he rolled his eyes. “He’s a bit shy.”
I seriously had to control myself; Ben and Jerry? O…M…G…!!! Allie wasn’t as fortunate and she giggled.
“Yeah… I know… I know… Another one of life’s little face slaps.” Jerry spoke in an even more affected manner. “How was I to know that this little…” He looked down at Ben in a most affectionate manner. “…sexual tyrannosaurus rex would be named Ben? But by then it was too late. We are, however, known as Jerry and Ben…just for future reference?” He chuckled heartily.
We were saved from further explanation by Paul Reeves, the fiction writer. Peter brought him over to us and made the introductions. I had read several of his works in college and found them to be very profound observations of the human spirit. And I also thought of him as a great painter with words. I could get completely lost in his novels and had actually reread several of them.
An older gentleman of perhaps fifty…I really knew very little about him other than what was on the cover leaf of his books…he seemed to be as impressed with me as I was with him. Allie was also duly impressed and, quite unlike herself, at a loss for words.
We spoke about how much alike our art forms were. Paul did admit his envy of my ability to portray emotion so effectively and subtly and I admitted my envy of his use of the English language in quite the same manner. He also told me to leave the country and to make Europe one of my stops. Everybody seems to want me to leave!!! Hmmm…
Peter came and took my arm.
“Come Andi… I want you to meet Joan Watson.”
He brought me to a couple, two women, who were attired similarly to Allie and me!
“Joan…? This is Andi. I mentioned his situation to you the other day.”
Joan smiled and took my hand.
“I do like your tux.” She said with a grin. “Bloomies…?”
“Why yes…” I turned when Allie answered.
“This is my partner Ellie.”
Joan turned to the lovely young woman in a gorgeous curve hugging white on white gown. Ellie smiled coyly and greeted us both.
“I won’t get into detail at this time but let me assure you that your…situation should present no problem.” Joan spoke with a reassuring smile. “I’ve handled this kind of thing before for people such as yourself. You are not the only one.”
I couldn’t imagine why she said what she said but it did make me feel better about this entire legal thingy. We spoke for several minutes about…stuff other than my ‘situation’ and I did enjoy the fact that Peter was taking care of things for me. I could see that another ‘gifted’ piece was in his future; a small price for…my future?
Linda came up to us and began to ask all about my work, Allie’s work, and our work. It was hard for me to even get a question in regarding her work, which was so inspirational to me as a graphic artist. She was an absolute delight. As more guests appeared she quickly detached herself to attend them. One might have thought this to be her party.
The evening continued in a similar fashion. There were twelve couples and each was as thrilled to meet me as I was to meet them. They were all involved with the arts in one way or another and most of them lived in the area and knew Peter, and his family, on an intimate basis. Three couples even admitted…albeit with slight reluctance…to knowing Allie’s family.
The sextet began to play softly. This only added to the very warm and pleasant ambience of the evening. Although there was this formal façade that existed, there was still the quite gentle informality of good friends meeting to enjoy a common moment in time. I thought immediately of Renoir and the capture of action in the stillness of the moment; the way he captured each of the figures of a group in their personally unique motion…and emotion.
I became quite excited as my eye acted like a camera capturing small groups of people conversing easily and even with a bit of animated body language. The sudden outburst of laughter upon hearing a story or a joke was imprinted deeply into my mind. I would need to do something with these images. I knew it less than midway through the evening. I thought of light browns, beiges, and other warm colors and the picturing of an elite class, an artistic class, at play.
And the explosions of colorful gowns amidst the uniform black of the tuxedoes delighted my eye beyond words. The women stood out gloriously in the vibrancy of their cloaking’s. I was near ecstasy when Allie grasped my hand with a bit more pressure than usual. I looked at her in all of her glory. I bent slightly and touched her lips with mine. I was near tears of joy.
“What was that?” She giggled in surprise.
“You are so…beautiful…so…perfect.”
I couldn’t contain myself. A tear rolled down my cheek as I smiled.
“Where are you Andi?” Allie said as she dabbed at the tear with a napkin. Her smile was magical and her face a vision through my clouded eyes.
“The late nineteenth century…?” I giggled.
“Well that figures!” She laughed and it was music to my ears.
I took a moment to gaze around and it was then that I noticed the walls. No two were the same color and all, save where there were windows, were covered with artwork; paintings, drawings, photographs and such.
I recognized a Chagall next to a Klee; across the room on the other wall hung a Duchamp. In one corner was a Kandinsky on an easel. A Dali hung near a Warhol piece and that was next to a Picasso pencil drawing. This place was a small museum of magnificent modern art. I went to Peter and took him by his arm.
“Oh my God Peter…! I had no idea you had this kind of work.” I was wide eyed and stunned.
“Oh… These things…?” He laughed. “I was simply born into the right inheritance. Come with me.”
We walked through the room. Somewhere along the route I lost Allie. Being towed by Peter didn’t give me the opportunity to try and find her. We walked into the atrium and Peter took me behind the Christmas tree. There, prominently hanging on the wall, the first sight to catch the eye when anybody entered the house, was the nude of Allie that had sold for so much.
“I certainly hope Allie doesn’t mind her charms being on display in this fashion but…” Peter gazed at the portrait with a wistful expression. “…she is breathtaking and the work is…” He looked at me almost apologetically. “…genius? Come…”
We were off again to a room facing the front of the townhouse. Peter let go of my arm to open the sliding double oak doors and he bade me entrance with a wave of his arm. This was his library and study. On the wall facing his huge walnut banker’s desk hung another Picasso and next to it hung my ink portrait of Peter! I was flattered and stunned beyond words…again.
“I so badly wanted to be an artist when I was young.” Peter turned from my work to look at me. “I had the eye and the sensitivity but…” Peter exhaled slowly as he looked back at my work. “I didn’t have the talent; the ability to translate what was in my mind onto canvass. Now Linda is an accomplished artist. Her work is quite renown.”
“Oh my God…! I love her work. I studied her drawings thoroughly when I began studying graphics. She’s like…the best!” I became quite excited indeed. I had to speak with her again having forgotten to tell her what an inspiration her work was to me.
“Well…actually…I have somebody else for you to meet. She’s a bit shy but she loves to draw. And…” Peter put his arm around my shoulder. “…she’s really dying to meet you. Come with me.”
Peter hooked my arm and led me from his study to another set of double sliding doors next to his room. He slid open the doors to reveal and elaborately set dining room lighted by an ornate crystal chandelier holding at least a dozen tapers. That, along with crystal wall scones holding two long tapers each, provided an large but intimately lit dining room. The table was set with, no doubt, his finest service and crystal glasses.
Just off the center of the table sat a young girl who seemed not to notice our entrance. She was bent over and seemingly involved with something. As we approached I could see she had a pencil in hand and was drawing on a sheet of paper. I stopped and put one hand on Peter’s chest and my finger to my lips indicating silence. We stood and watched for a moment and then I looked up at Peter and, with a slight turn of my head, motioned him away.
Peter instinctively knew what was on my mind. He smiled, gently kissed my forehead, and very quietly made his way out of the dining room. I walked toward her, never taking my eyes from her bend over form, until I stood directly behind her. She was the most beautiful young child I’d ever seen.
She had the best features of both her parents. Her amazing blonde hair hung in large curls nearly half way down her back. She had her mother’s blue gray eyes and the delicate features of both parents. The young girl wore a crown of pale pink tea roses that accented her lovely gown and contrasted against her magnificent curly main.
I glanced around the room and noticed a Pollack hanging alongside a Warhol piece. I saw an amazing Hockney as well as two photomontages. But on the piece of paper, the young lady…for surely her intense concentration and her physical appearance was that of a woman to be…was a drawing of an arm of the elaborate chandelier.
I pulled out the chair next to her and, as I began to sit, I smiled at her suddenly upturned face. Her eye sparkled and burned with an intensity I understood.
“Hi… I’m Andi.”
Her face exploded into a huge, wide eyed, grin.
“Hi… I’m Lilly.
I am so happy to finally meet you. Daddy talks about you like all the time.”
I blushed barn red at her compliment and her enthusiasm. Lilly’s face seemed to light up with joy. I envied her because I couldn’t recall any such joy when I was her age.
“I like what you’re doing.”
I looked a bit closer at her sketch. It was good…very good. This young one had real skills.
“Yeah…” Lilly’s face suddenly took on a soured expression. “…but I’m having trouble trying to get the sparkles of the light hitting the crystals.”
“Oh… You have that problem too?” I giggled.
She looked at me with a shocked expression.
“You mean you have that problem?” I had to chuckle at her wide eyed disbelief.
“That is always our challenge.” I said as I picked up one of the pencils from her box. “Putting on paper…or canvass…or whatever…what we see with our eyes, and what our minds make of what our eyes see.” I drew a candle and made a few extra lines to give the eye the impression of shining. “Or…” I drew a hanging crystal above the flame and one alongside the candle and one in between the other two. “…what we would have someone else’s eyes see.”
I began to draw more lines on the crystal atop the flame till it seemed to glimmer right off the paper. I worked slowly and silently making sure that Lilly would see exactly what I was doing, and how I was doing it.
“It’s all about light sweet heart.” I told her as I stopped and looked at her. Lilly’s gaze was glued to the paper and what I had just done. “Want to give it a try?”
Lilly slowly began to mimic what I had done on the crystal alongside the candle. At first I gently held her hand so that she might feel the pressure and direction of the pencil. When I felt Lilly understood, I removed my hand. As she drew, I picked up the other pencil and began to fill in the crystal arm that held the candle and shaded and area farthest from the flame.
“Do you have a sketch book?” I asked as I watched her skillfully add sparkle to the crystal. Lilly, if nothing else, was a very quick learner.
“No…” She said wistfully. “I just kind of draw something on whatever is around. But I do keep everything together in a folder.”
“The man who painted that…” I pointed to the Hockney. “…said; ‘Everything starts with a sketch book’. I’ll get you a few different ones; different paper textures. That’s where you keep your ideas; your drawings for later…embellishment? That is where I keep my life.” I chuckled. “I also make notes on what I would like to do. I have many of them going back to middle school but it’s good to start now.”
She smiled at me. I loved her smile. It still had the innocence of a child’s smile even if her world might have been a bit…adult? Lilly thanked me and proceeded to start on the crystal in between the other two.
“Also work carefully and deliberately. You know who Dali was…right?”
“Yeah… Daddy has a few of his things.”
“Well…?” Neither of us took our eyes off of what we were doing. “He said; ‘Genius is never lazy’. That means that you never settle for anything that isn’t one hundred percent to your liking; even if you have to redo it a hundred times.”
I noticed Lilly nodding out of the corner of my eye. I stopped my sketching to observe her creating sparkle and shine on the third crystal. The placement was correct in relation to the source of light. And the result was most acceptable…perhaps even quite good.
The two of us continued to work together drawing various parts of the chandelier. Before we even realized it we had drawn a small group of people who watched us working together. I looked up in surprise to find Allie smiling down at me. There was such warmth in her face that I couldn’t help but feel a bit emotional.
“Lilly is going to be attending some courses at the Art Students League.”
Peter spoke with pride as he looked at his lovely daughter.
“Wow… That’ll be very cool.” I began to get up but he stopped me.
“Please… Sit next to her Andi. And Allie…” Peter pulled out a chair next to me. “Why don’t you sit here?” Looking at his daughter, Peter added; “Andi and Allie do really wonderful work together. You know that ceramic piece…the bowl up in my bedroom? That’s their work.”
“Oh… That is so totally cool!” Lilly’s face lighted up with excitement. “I always wanted to try working in clay. But I mean seriously working in clay...like you.” She smiled up at Allie.
“Well…” Allie’s smile was as wide as I’d ever seen it. “Maybe you can come and visit with us and I’ll show you some things. We’ll both show you things.”
Allie and Lilly began to chatter as I leaned back just a bit to give them a good line of sight. I then excused myself. I needed to wash my hands. I had some graphite powder from the pencils on them and I encouraged Lilly to do the same. In truth, I needed her to assist me in finding the washroom.
Lilly ushered me to the washroom behind the staircase. We entered together and, though I offered her first use of the sink, she let me go first. In the midst of wetting my hands Lilly suddenly hiked up the hem of her gown, lowered her panty, and sat on the toilet. She began to pee.
I was shocked! I mean…a ten year old shouldn’t be doing this in front of a guy. But then again I wasn’t really dressed as a guy in spite of my tuxedo?
“I’ll wait outside till you’re done.” I began to turn and slip out the door.
“Why…” Lilly exclaimed.
“Well…” I began to explain when she obviously remembered.
“Oh yeah… You’re a guy…sort of…right?” She began to giggle. “Well… I won’t tell if you don’t.” She giggled. “Just don’t look.”
I continued to wash my hands keeping my head down whilst Lilly did her…’business’. She continued to chatter about art and how much she loved expressing herself in such a fashion. I finally heard the toilet tissue being ripped and Lilly rising and fixing her dress.
“Do you think I have talent?”
Lilly asked quite sincerely as she began the ritual of hand washing. I hate that question with an ever burning passion. Firstly… I never knew what the word ‘talent’ really meant. Does that mean one can draw after years of practice and learning? Or is she really asking ‘Am I gifted?’ I know I am gifted not from the opinion of others but rather from my thankfulness that I have some means…some outlet…of expression through which I might be understood.
If I say ‘yes…you are very talented’ I may be leading Lilly down a road that dead ends with any number of people who can draw or paint but who can never achieve that little extra something that elevates their work beyond a wall paper pattern or a greeting card design (though this certainly requires a talent unto its own form). And if I say ‘no’ I kill the dream.
“Sweet heart…” I took her face in my hands delicately and kissed her fore head. “The real question should be; ‘do I have the burning desire?’ When I was your age, all I could think of was drawing something…anything. And I did. I drew all the time and on whatever was available with whatever was available.”
“That’s kind of what I do? I even drew on the wall which really pissed off mommy.” Lilly giggled. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
I had to giggle with that image of Linda coming upon some crayon creation where it belonged the least.
“It’s kind of personal but…I’m curious?”
“Okay…” ‘How personal could a fourteen year old get’ I thought as I giggled.
“Are you transitioning?”
I almost began to choke! I guess some ten year olds can get quite personal. Chalk that up…pardon the pun…to big city living?
“No sweet heart… This is simply the image I have of myself in my mind.” I smiled gently. “How do you know about transitioning?”
I really didn’t know much about it until I came to New York City and my fellow students would ask on occasion.
“Mommy gets Voice.” Lilly stated this with a hint of pride as she smiled quite smugly. “My nanny reads explains what looks interesting…the pictures…you know?”
I laughed as we re-entered the dining room and took our seats as a server was pouring wine whilst another was setting condiments down at each of the place settings. At that moment I was convinced that I would like to become a mentor in Lilly’s quest to become an artist. After we took our places, Peter stood and raised his glass.
“I am so pleased that we could all be together again this year and…” Peter looked directed at Allie and me. “I would like to thank our new guests for gracing our home with their presence. May we all enjoy a happy, a healthy, and…” His eyes widened to match his grin. “…a very productive New Year.”
Who couldn’t drink to that? There were several quite vocal collateral comments and we all clinked glasses and had a sip of wine. Two servers entered the dining room and began to place out platters of hor d’oeuvres and so the meal began. The conversations began in earnest as we began to savor the expertly prepared foods. The discussions were quite lively and centered on the arts.
Allie and I felt quite humbled, and honored, as most of the talk involved us in one manner or another. Suddenly the music began to play again. The sextet had moved to the near end of the other room and the lovely sound of a waltz came through the opened doorway. My body began to sway gently to the rhythm of the one ‘formal’ dance I was able to do.
I learned to waltz whilst in college because…well…I could envision myself being swept around the dance floor being led gracefully by...oh…you can fill in the blank. Suddenly Allie got up out of her seat and, taking me by the hand, pulled me up as well.
“Come on.” Allie said with some…finality?
“I know how to waltz and I can’t let the year pass without having just one dance with someone I at least like.”
She laughed with a hint of bitter sarcasm in her voice. The year had not been kind to Allie or her…love life? We walked into the atrium. Fortunately I remembered which hand went where and we slowly and tentatively began to move. ‘One-two-three, one-two three’ I kept repeating in my head until our movements were smooth and easy.
Suddenly Allie took the initiative and began to put more movement into our dance. I smiled, looked down at her…into her lovely eyes and smile…and went with her flow. We were whirling and twirling just like I’d seen dancers do in some of the old movies I’d watched in a film class. I was actually enjoying myself. And what was not to enjoy with Allie in my arms. I closed my eyes and even though I was ‘leading’ in the ‘male role’, I simply followed her and grinned almost idiotically.
When the music had ceased, and we applauded the musicians, there were three other couples who had joined us. I was so into our dancing that I hadn’t really noticed. I almost didn’t let go of Allie when the music did stop. It felt so…so wonderful feeling our bodies together; moving together in time to the music. It felt dream-like.
We walked hand in hand back to the table and the next food course. I could barely keep myself from staring at Allie and was grateful for the interruptions of the conversations. She was so aglow, truly alive and happy. She held my hand beneath the table and out of sight. Every once in a while she would play with my fingers as she spoke.
I was so very enthralled by her, and the evening, that I barely noticed what was being served. I barely remember eating anything although everything that did enter my mouth provided a burst of stimulus that did bring me back to the reality of the moment. I do remember not being able to finish anything and that Allie finished everything.
As we finished that course, the sextet began to play another dance; another waltz! Again Allie was up before me and she took my hand and pulled me to the atrium. This time we reversed hand placement indicating that she wanted to lead. I had no objection at all as she suddenly swept me into her arms and across the floor in a swirling circling motion that was far more brisk than the pace I set.
She laughed as we danced. It was a laugh of pure joy. Allie was far more accomplished at this dance than I was and she wanted to really…work out all of her moves? I closed my eyes and let her do her thing. I almost felt like I was floating in space, gliding along without any sense of touch other than Allie’s Body against mine. I felt oneness between us.
I was always so comfortable with Allie…in her arms. I felt…safe. I felt…perhaps…the kind mothering I never really had? Now don’t think that I regarded Allie as a mother figure because that definitely is not the case. Well…not completely the case anyway. I simply feel that there is the protective and nurturing quality within her and I was fortunate enough to be the object of her affections and attentions.
On the way back to the table, I held Allie’s hand. I stopped walking and held her back with me as the other people walked past us. I turned to face her and, almost without thought or plan, I bent slightly, cocked my head a bit, and kissed her softly and gently on the lips.
Allie looked up at me with an expression of pleasant surprise. I smiled down at her.
“Thank you.” I said as I felt my emotion rise. She looked at me questioningly. “Thank you for being here with me tonight.”
She reached up and gently stroked my cheek with her hand. I could see her eyes begin to tear up. Words didn’t have to be exchanged because the look she gave me said everything; she felt the same. In truth, there was nobody I would have rather been with, even in a fantasy, than Allie.
As I sat through the next course of the meal, the speaking, and the food; everything seemed to fade into the background. All I could think of was Allie. I wanted so badly to hold her; to hug her and have her do the same to me.
My eyes gazed down at our hands entwined and I coyly smiled and blushed paprika red. We were touching…truly touching one another. It was kind of foreplay of sorts. The entire evening thus far seemed to be just that. The dancing, the sharing of food and tasting one another’s wine were all foreplay for something far greater.
I suddenly began to tremble with fear…make that fears! She is my closest friend…ever! The evening changed for me. It was no longer a celebration of the passing of a year. It was no longer about going out with my best friend ever for a night of fun. It was no longer about looking and feeling great about who and what I am. It was now about ‘us’. For some reason I felt that the time had come to put my feelings and emotions about and toward Allie to rest; one way or the other.
We had only just settled in our seats when Allie turned to me and looked me squarely in the eyes.
“Are you alright?”
Oh my God…! She could sense the change in me even if it didn’t register on anybody else…yet. I couldn’t tell her the truth. This def was not the time or the place. And I couldn’t lie to her. She was too important in my life to do that. As if I could lie anyway.
“Can we talk about it later?” I begged, whined, and otherwise pled.
“You should see the expression on your face.” Allie giggled. “How could I ever refuse a look like that?”
“Like what…?” Now I was curious.
“Like so…so…I don’t know…child like?” She giggled again. “We should go out dancing once in a while. Not to a club. Somewhere we could do this kind of dancing. You move very well and you learn quickly and I think we dance well together. It’s fun.” Allie took my hand and kissed it. “I’m really having fun. I’m really glad I’m here with you.” She smiled.
I was so very taken by what she said that I was near tears in spite of the grin on my face. She was, of course, right. This was fun. I was having fun dancing with her; perhaps too much fun. This evening was bringing up emotions I hadn’t really experienced before. Or perhaps my emotions were simply being intensified. I really didn’t know how to respond to her. Fortunately the next course was set down before us and I could simply smile as she held my hand and pick at the delicious food.
Again after we had finished, the musicians began to play as the plates were cleared. This time everybody switched partners. Peter, of course, took my hand and we started to dance to another waltz. The feeling of being held by a man was totally different than that of a woman, or at least Allie. He took command immediately and began to whirl me around the atrium floor in an almost effortless gliding motion.
“I hope you’re enjoying yourself tonight.” Peter looked at me with those gorgeous blue eyes and that wonderfully warm smile.
“Yes!” I laughed. “I’m having a wonderful time.”
“Allie is as well.” He added. “She looks gorgeous; almost as beautiful as you.” He laughed. “You look smashing in your tux. It’s perfect.”
“Do you really think so?” I blushed cardinal red. “I did have more than a moment of trepidation in wearing it. I had this wonderful gown I wanted to wear but Allie kind of insisted that this tux would be far more…suitable?”
“No… The choice is perfect. Trust me…” He smiled warmly.
“You know… She’s been holding my hand under the table all during dinner. I’m not sure what that is all about. I mean…we do hold hands but…well… It’s been more of a friendship thing?”
“You really don’t understand much about women, do you?” Peter laughed and smiled sympathetically.
I kind of looked down and then away, avoiding his eyes.
“Women hold hands for a few reasons. They hold hands as a way of sharing some positive experience. It’s as if they can communicate what they are feeling through touch.” His chuckled and continued. “They also hold hands when they are sharing a negative experience. It’s the old ‘comfort in numbers’ thing. They hold hands when they are feeling threatened or insecure. But that’s not the case tonight. My God… She’s absolutely blossoming!”
Peter glanced toward Allie who was showing Lilly how to do the waltz. I must admit Peter was right. Allie never looked more…more…alive and glowing? In fact Allie had been animated the entire evening. I must admit that she was more than a bit over whelmed when we first arrived. She realized that almost all the guests were people of great accomplishment. But she warmed quickly once she began to speak with them and realized they were as interested in her art as she was in theirs.
“And…” Peter held my hand a bit more firmly to draw my attention back to him. This time I looked into his eyes. “…they hold hands when they’re…how shall I put this…” He glanced of for a moment searching for the right word. “…when they’re ‘interested’?”
“Interested…?” Interested…? Interested…!
“Yes… Interested…” Peter chuckled as he gazed back at me. “You should see how she looks at you when you speak; or how her eyes light up when she speaks about you. And you should hear how she speaks about you. Evidentially she’s waiting for you to walk on water!” He laughed.
“Do you think…? Really…? Oh my God…!” I began to tremble. I dared not finish my thought. I was already a bit nervous about her attentiveness; the hand holding. And certainly everything Peter said made sense…sort of.
“You should really go for it Andi. After all…” Peter gazed at me with a not quite, but almost, lurid smile. “…I am waiting you know.” He emphasized ‘I am’ and I nervously giggled. “Seriously sweet heart…” He said as he leaned in closer to my ear. “You’re driving yourself a bit crazy with this duality in your head and you might as well find out where you’re really at. You certainly can’t fail either way. If she’s for you then go for it. If she’s not…well…then you’ve learned something and can put at least one confusion to rest. And who’s to say that you’re not bisexual altogether and can enjoy the best of both worlds.”
What Peter said certainly made sense. It was my own fears that held me back. There are times when I wish I was more firmly planted in reality. The things that are so very apparent to others seem to slip past me totally unnoticed. I need to be hit in the head sometimes just to take notice. Hmmm… Bisexual...? Or maybe even non-sexual and I simply was addicted to the drama of it all?
After the dance ended and Peter grabbed a nearby glass and spoon. He struck the crystal several times eliciting a ringing that garnered the attention of everyone.
“The magic moment will be upon us very shortly. Everyone… Please do find your partner and we’ll have some wonderful champagne to anoint the New Year. Desserts will then follow in the parlor as well as dancing till the last of us drops from exhaustion.”
Peter laughed as the servers wheeled in carts of various confections and other after dinner treats. I wanted to make a quick trip to the wash room before the festivities of the event began. So I quickly ducked out of the small crowd and went to check my face. I wanted to look perfect as a token homage to the New Year. I didn’t notice that Allie was right behind me.
“We can both use it.” Allie spoke as I opened the door and she rushed in behind me.
“Sure…” I giggled. “I just wanted to check my face. Enjoying yourself?”
“Yeah.” Allie’s smile was answer enough. “I had such a good talk with Linda. Did you know that she’s ‘the Linda Griffen’ who does those wonderful illustrations in children’s books?”
I stared at Allie in wondrous amazement that she hadn’t realized this earlier.
“Yes… Peter mentioned that to me. I love her work.”
I looked back at the mirror. Hmmm… The stain seemed to still be holding up but I did need just a touch of gloss. I reached into clutch and pulled out the tube. “I really would love to speak with her about her work.” I quickly swiped the gloss across my lips and rubbed them together. I turned to Allie, who was basically doing the same. “She was kind of an inspiration for me…her work?”
Allie carefully inspected herself one more time in the mirror and then looked at me. She gave me the same sort of close inspection, taking her finger and wiping the lower edge of my lip. She smiled up at me, taking my hands in hers.
“I really am grateful you brought me with you tonight.”
Allie smiled gently, her eyes wide as if in anticipation.
“We’d best get out of here before they begin to wonder what we’re doing.”
I laughed but in truth I was trembling again and didn’t want to create one of those horrid, very still pregnant moments where I’d be forced to do something that might unmask what I was feeling. I could see the disappointed look flash quickly across Allie’s face but her smile quickly returned; albeit maybe a little less wide. I opened the door letting her precede me.
“Allie…” I called to her and took her hand. “I wouldn’t have come without you.” Her smile returned to its full brightness.
We entered the festivities and immediately were spotted without a flute of champagne. We took our glasses and, still hand in hand, moved closer to the center of the room where Peter had taken position.
“Less than one minute…” He announced as his gaze returned to the clock.
We could hear the sound of exploding fireworks as people were gearing up for their moment of madness. No doubt every small animal within the city was running for the safest, darkest, and quietest place available. Peter began the count down and we all followed his lead. Allie’s eyes fixed upon mine, we shouted ‘Happy New Year’ in unison with everybody else.
I bent my head down toward Allie.
She met me in a very pleasant collision of our lips. But our kiss lingered perhaps for a moment or two longer then it normally would have…should have. As I began to lift my head back up, Allie touched my cheek with her hand. I covered it with my own, our eyes never breaking our gaze. She looked at me invitingly; her mouth was so very inviting…her lips moist. I lowered my head and again we kissed again, this time perhaps with more intensity?
Just for a moment, a kiss’ length, I closed my eyes. I heard nothing of the commotion and joyous celebrating going on. There was only Allie and me, our lips touching in a most public display of affection, and I relished the intensity of emotions I was feeling. I tried to put them all into this one kiss.
Now we were being accosted by our ‘new’ friends and I hoped there would be a moment later? Our gaze met as we parted the kiss and for an instant I knew, I could feel, or at least I thought I could feel, what was truly in her heart. The others in the room couldn’t wait for us and I felt my shoulder being turned, along with the rest of me, to press lips with Peter and then Linda, and then little Lilly and then this one and that one.
Allie was also accosted in a similar manner as someone began to sing that stupid song that I never really understood anyway. Robert Burns, and poetry in general, was not really my forte. Allie slipped her arm around my waist as she sang with the others. I smiled and simply sipped my champagne.
The musicians began to play again and Allie, glass still in hand, turned into me and began to move with the music. I quickly downed the remainder of the wine and, after taking her glass and mine and placing them upon a table, put my hands around her waist and moved with her. Rather than hold my hand in a more traditional manner, Allie placed her hands on my shoulders.
The tempo was kind of medium? I was really getting the idea of this dancing thing and why not? I’d danced more this evening then I’d ever danced before…ever. I mean I’d gone to school things on very rare occasions but those were kind of ‘do your own thing’ dances to very syncopated beats where the beat…the pounding of the bass and drums…was more a force than the flow of the music. But this kind of dancing was more sensual…or organic and fluid. You actually got to feel the other person’s body touching your own and that was really nice.
After that dance Allie decided that something chocolate would be really perfect so we went to find something we could share. That was our habit anyway. It helped her cut down a bit on her sweets intake and it also provided an intimate few moments. I mean… What’s more intimate than sharing food; eating off of the same plate and sometimes sharing the same implement as we did for that Black Forest cake.
So we shared and I got to speak with Linda a little as she sat and joined us for a taste of the cake. I also had another glass of champagne, a real rarity for me. I must say that the foods and the wines never ceased and yet nobody seemed to really overdo it.
The sextet began to play something slow and Allie gave me her big grinned look; the one that said ‘let’s do it’. I could never refuse her anything anyway and the thought of our bodies touching was…well…exciting in a way that I had longed for…but hadn’t recognized with such…such a forceful intensity before?
She arms went immediately around my neck and shoulders so I naturally took her around the waist. As she gazed at me with a somewhat dreamy expression on her face, Allie pushed her body against mine, our thighs alternating position. She then laid her head against my shoulder and closed her eyes as we slowly swayed. I rested my head atop hers and I also closed my eyes.
A totally amazing thing occurred! I kind of drifted off to a point where I could barely hear the music. All I was aware of was Allie’s body moving with mine and her thighs rubbing against mine ever so gently; almost like the breeze gently but continually blowing. We settled into one another and I felt her relax even more as she draped her arms around my neck. We rocked and swayed slowly from side to side in a weak and mindless attempt to emulate a dance.
I snuggled into her body as I found myself suddenly becoming excited; a stiffy of rare, and interesting proportion…for me that is. There was no way that Allie couldn’t notice, especially with her thigh rubbing against me, touching me in a most pleasantly discomforting and unsettling manner. She simply danced closer and held me slightly tighter. I don’t know what in the world processed me but I tugged gently at her ear lobe with my lips, causing her to tremble and softly giggle.
The music stopped all too soon. I was so comfortable nestled into Allie’s lushness that we continued to move together for several moments. When we did finally realize that the dance was over, and we did detach ourselves, Allie looked at me with a most curious expression on her face. She appeared to be stunned and slightly shocked. Allie put her hands to her face and rapidly shook her head as if she was trying to clear dizziness or something.
I understood how she might have felt because reality was slow in coming to me. I reached for Allie’s hand but she looked at me, with tears seeming to well up in her eyes, shook her head, and quickly left the room. I was stunned. I stood there suddenly sensing that something was wrong but I had no idea what it might be.
As my senses began to return to normal, I suddenly looked down at my trousers wondering if my sudden excitement was showing itself through my trousers. Thankfully it wasn’t. I pursued Allie into the dining room which was now empty.
“I want to leave.”
Allie could barely speak as she choked up with tears. Her back was to me and I couldn’t see or read her expression. I couldn’t understand what had happened in that moment between our dancing and the moment afterward. I looked at Allie’s very distressed condition and I decided, wisely, not to argue or try to coerce anything from her. She wouldn’t accept a drink from me or assistance of any kind.
After Allie composed herself a bit we said our good nights to everyone. I gave Lilly my phone number and told her to call anytime, if she wanted to see our studio or if she needed help with her work. I told Peter that Allie was feeling a bit ‘off’ but we both lavishly thanked him for a wonderful evening. He did kiss us both; me on the lips…of course.
The ride home was very quiet and…lonely. Allie hadn’t said more than two words to me since she told me she wanted to leave and there was nothing I could seemingly do to change that. She stared forlornly out the window resting her chin in her palm and watching the people on the street celebrate. I had tried sliding my hand across the seat and moved it most of the distance between us but she ignored my effort.
Things were no better when we got upstairs. I unlocked the door and stood aside as Allie walked in. Before I could even turn after entering and locking the door, Allie had hung her coat and went directly toward her bedroom without so much as even a passing glance toward me.
No sooner did I get to my bedroom and begin to disrobe than I heard Allie’s footsteps creek the wooden floor on her way back to what I assumed was the kitchen. Her sudden change of mood disturbed me greatly to say the least. I felt as though I had committed some great indiscretion or crime against her and I was nearing my wit’s end as how to remedy the situation. Up to this point of our living together, our relationship was nearly perfect. We had never argued or even disagreed to any great extent on anything.
I couldn’t let this situation continue any further without one last attempt to make things ‘right’ between us. After all, this was a new year and I wanted it to begin as the old one ended with us being more than simply good friends. I wanted our closeness back. I decided to don my tee and go to the kitchen and try to make my peace.
As I walked toward the kitchen, a thousand thoughts ran through my head. I trembled with what suddenly had occurred to me. I had to somehow let Allie know exactly how I felt about her. This frightened me terribly because I would also have to admit how I felt about her to myself. I would need to admit that I wanted to take our relationship one step further. This was totally dark territory if ever one existed…at least for me.
I entered the kitchen and saw Allie by the sink. She was still in her gown with a glass in her hand sipping some fruit juice. She looked down into the sink as if she was looking into a bottomless abyss. I trembled with fear as I walked up behind her. I suddenly had a sort of out-of-body experience as I kind of saw myself place my hands gently upon her waist.
I could feel her body’s warmth on my palms. The aroma of her au de cologne combined with her natural body scent wafted to my nose drawing me a bit closer. I felt Allie tremble for a moment. She was still otherwise; still gazing down into the sink. I saw my face move off to the side barely grazing her hair. I saw my head bent down slightly until I was alongside her ear.
I gently kissed the side of her neck.
I was possessed by some kind of spirit as Allie trembled again from the touch of my lips. I saw myself straighten and again my neck bent to her other side and I kissed the left side of her neck; inhaling her fragrance deeply as my lips touched her bright lobster red blushing skin. As I began to straighten, I noticed that Allie’s eyes were closed and her lips slightly parted.
‘Leave!’ I heard myself silently scream. I quickly removed my hands and walked out of the kitchen without looking back. You know how sometimes you can tell that someone who you’re close to does something without you having to see it? I knew that Allie’s eyes followed me as I left, my head bowed down. I had done what I felt I needed to do and now it was up to her to accept, or reject, my…supplication?
I went to my room; my eyes on the verge of tears. A flood of emotions were being released and all from two simple, almost innocent, kisses. I began to wash the remains of the cosmetics off my face and begin my nightly routine. Looking at my reflection in the mirror over the basin, I watched as several tears dropped from my eyes. I felt myself the ultimate fool.
The water on my face, although refreshing, did nothing for the redness in my eyes. Deciding to leave the remainder of the stain on my lips, I left the bathroom, a dampened washcloth in hand, and laid down upon my bed. I shut off the lights and placed the cloth over my eyes. Unable to control my feelings any longer, I let my tears flow; so much for a happy New Year.
Will the other heeled pump ever drop??? Will Andi ever bend over to pick up the soap in Peter's shower??? Was Andi’s indiscretion unforgivable…or unforgettable??? And did anyone remember to walk the damned dog??? Ooopsies…!!! My bad... Wrong tale… And what about Bob??? All this and more to follow in the never ending saga of Andi and Allie!!!
Andi and Allie Chapter 18
So much for the New Year…!!!
"ANDI…!”
I was on the very edge of sleep when I heard me name being…shrieked? The damp cloth still covered my tear stained eyes. I lifted one corner to see what time it was; two-thirty in the morning?
“ANDI…! Get out here! Now…!!!”
Allie must have been in her doorway. Her voice echoed throughout the apartment. She sounded quite angry or upset. Hmmm… Make that angry and upset...and let’s throw in really pissed off for good measure. I sat up in my bed and turned on my night table lamp whilst shielding my eyes from its immediate brightness.
“I’m coming. I’m coming. Just give me a minute.”
“Hurry up damn it!”
Well…! There was ne’er a breath of patience in Allie’s voice. I suddenly realized that I felt a bit chilled so I grabbed my robe off the chair and, whilst tying it closed, slipped my feet into my moccasins as I headed out the door of my bedroom.
Allie was standing outside the entrance of her bedroom. Her arms were crossed beneath her gowned breasts and her sandaled toe was tapping noisily against the wooden floor. She had a very stern expression upon her otherwise lovely face and her entire posture shrieked…hostility?
“Get over here! NOW…!” The scowl on her face was…frightening?
Was I to be punished for some unknown indiscretion? Had I irreparably wounded Allie’s sensitivities? Was I to stand accused at two-thirty in the morning of some unknown horror perpetrated upon her person? I very meekly shuffled down toward her with a woe-begotten look upon my face. My shoulders were hunched in an already planned pose of contrition.
I did manage to steal a glimpse at the robe she wore. This was a piece I had never seen before. The material appeared to be pearl pink colored silk perhaps, with white lace trim at the cuffs, neckline and hem which was nearly ankle length. The white lace extended down the bodice just enough to give a more than slight hint of her cleavage. In spite of her particular humor, Allie looked gorgeous in that gown.
“Get in here!!! Right now…!!!”
I was stopped cold in my tracks as if I had suddenly walked into a steel wall. I had never, ever, been in Allie’s bedroom. From some reason I had always considered it to be sacrosanct; her very personal and very private lair. Then again, I’d not had any reason to be in her bedroom. Allie was always accessible in the cave, the kitchen, or her studio.
She was often a visitor to my bedroom but that was usually to either pull me out into some mild adventure in the kitchen, cave, or studio, or to help me assemble myself prior to going out for the evening. She rarely needed that kind of help, but if she did, Allie would always come to me in my room.
“Well…?” Her toe tapping was…a deafening staccato to my ear?
Allie’s harsh and insistent voice shook me out of my thoughts as I slowly continued to her room. I froze at the door way and peered inside. The room was darkened; only lit by several candles giving off a warm soft glowing light. I saw her bed, a large, canopied, California king that appeared to be quite inviting with its feather quilt and profundity of pillows. The bedding matched, of course.
“Get in there.”
Allie spoke with a touch of annoyance in her voice, her arm extended and index finger pointing the way. I breeched the threshold and entered her inner sanctum. Allie went and stood, hands on her hips, near the foot of the bed. It was warmer in her room. Or perhaps it was the effect of the lighting against the warm colored walls; maybe a shade of peach. The aroma in the air was all her. I mean I could smell the aroma of her scent as well as maybe spiced incense.
I couldn’t really see much else because the visage of Allie, attired as she was, captured my eyes. The way the candle light flashed and shone off of her golden hair and her silken gown screamed out a thousand paintings of her. Images flashed across my mind faster than I could take in fully. She pointed to a place on the floor between her personage and the huge bed.
“Over here... Stand right here.” Her voice had softened somewhat as she pointed toward the foot of her bed. “And lose that stupid robe. It offends me.”
I trembled as I dropped the robe from my shoulders and walked the few feet to the spot she indicated and I turned to face her. We were no more than perhaps a foot or two apart. Allie’s eyes captured mine as she raised her hand to sweep away a strand of hair that fell across my face. I flinched slightly as her hand approached. She smiled, shook her head, and looked at me quizzically for an instant as if to say…‘as if I would ever’…?
“I’ve been warned about this.” She took a very deep breath and exhaled slowly. “And I’ve been warned about you.” Allie shook her head as she looked me up and down and back again. “But I need to know something and I know you’ll be totally honest with me.”
Now I was really at a loss of what was happening. I mean, why all the drama if she wanted to know something? I certainly felt I was accessible. I stared at Allie for a moment and, out of seer desperation to try and understand what was going on, I nodded my head most vigorously. I mean how could I not be honest with her?
“Have you… Did you…”
I couldn’t understand why Allie was having such a hard time phrasing her question. She seemed almost pained. She took an exasperated breath and I could see she was going to try again.
“Did you and Peter have sex?”
“No…”
I didn’t understand why she would ask such a thing. But, on the other hand, she kept nothing from me.
“Not even a little blow job or something? You know Congress decreed that a BJ is not having sex.”
“No…!”
I was a bit more insistent. Well, I mean it’s not like I never considered it.
“And what about your infamous mystery woman… Did you fuck her?”
“No Allie…!” I was…stunned. “Nobody…”
“Did she fuck you?” Her foot began to tap again.
“No… There’s been nobody Allie. I would have told you if there was.” I was verging on tears.
“Well…” Allie looked up at me and blew a strand of hair out from in front of her face. “If I’m going to make a fool out of myself…” She suddenly pushed me forcefully onto her bed. “I had to know. So…? I might as well go all the way now.” She giggled.
Caught completely by surprise, I fell back with my arms splayed out. Allie hopped onto the bed and, straddling me on her hands and knees, moved up so that her legs were splayed alongside of my waist and her hands on either side of my head. She was looking down and directly into my eyes.
“You think you’re so smart…don’t you!” Allie giggled. “It took me a while to figure it out. But it didn’t occur to me until tonight.”
“What…?”
Allie got down on her elbows and grasped my face in her hands. She giggled, closed her eyes, parted her luscious lips, and touched mine with hers. It wasn’t quite an innocent kiss but it wasn’t quite…sexual? Still, it was sensual and sent tremors throughout my body.
“I mean…” Allie said as she lifted her head and again looked down into my eyes with a grin. “I usually never listen to my better instincts and I go with these guys who turn out to be major ass holes. So why shouldn’t I listen to myself when I want to go for someone who at least seems to respect me?”
“What…?” I was stunned and ever so clueless.
Allie again closed her eyes and lowered her head to just barely touch my lips with hers. The tip of her tongue suddenly, and softly, licked around the edge of my lips. It both tickled and excited me. My arms came up and caressed her neck and shoulders through the sleek material of her gown. My body again trembled with excitement and this time it didn’t cease.
Our lips now were solidly enmeshed in a sort of dance in which we each tried to incite even greater movement from one another. Allie lowered her body so that we were touching along our entire length. She felt so warm and so soft, so plushy. I moved my hands all along her back and as far down as I could reach.
“Mmmm…”
Allie moaned into my mouth as we kissed. I had reached her butt and was gently squeezing and lightly rubbing it. She lifted her head up, our lips making a smacking sound as they parted, and she sat up.
“Let’s get this off.”
Allie grabbed the hem of my tee and began to raze it up. I lifted my body allowing her to completely remove it.
“There…” She giggled. “…isn’t that so much better?”
I couldn’t have agreed more.
Allie leaned down and kissed me fully on my lips again. My arms wrapped around her and, with a sigh coming out through my nose, I gave into her kiss. She suddenly again parted lips with me and I heard a sucking sound. Allie gently nipped and tugged on my ear lobe. She ran the tip of her tongue around the inside of my ear sending tremors throughout my body. She must have felt them because she giggled mischievously.
I gently held the back of her head as Allie then proceeded to plant a series of soft kisses down my neck on one side and up the other side. I could feel her soft breath against my skin and each touch of her lips was electric. The touch of her lush body upon mine was…divine. The weight of her body felt negligible and I would have relished her remaining there the rest of the night.
I must admit that all of this stimulation was quite frightening to me. I had never felt such…such amazingly powerful sensations before and, rather than plateau, these sensations were building. I kept feeling more and more stimulated, well beyond anything I had felt previously. My head, indeed my entire body, felt a swirling sensation; I was floating rapidly along on a swiftly rushing tide of growing passion and…desire?
Allie never let up for even a moment. She giggled again as she slowly kissed and licked her way down the center of my chest to suddenly attack my nipple! Oh…my God…!!! She sucked it into her mouth along with the surrounding flesh. I felt a sharp pain which caused me to cry out.
“Oh…” Allie crooned softly. “I forgot baby doll. You’re…developing?”
She giggled as the tip of her tongue circled my nipple and then she softly blew upon it causing the most torturously exquisite sensation. I felt as though electricity was arcing from my nipple straight down through me to encompass my entire groin and then shoot down to my now curled toes.
Allie moved to my other nipple and repeated her tongue swathing and soft gentle blowing. Her hand found its way to my first small mound and she gently cupped my tiny breast, moving her hand in a soothing massaging motion as she gently, and repeatedly, squeezed and rolled my engorged nipple between her fingers.
My body refused to stay still. I held her head against me as she taunted and teased me with her mouth and my hips and groin kind of began a dance of their own as I felt myself jerk up against Allie. I knew I was softly moaning and groaning and…well…even squealing with each new wave of sexual excitement that Allie wrung from me.
Allie, after arousing my nipples into projecting little mementos of her mouth’s travels, began to kiss and lick her way down my body again. Her hands never stopped for a moment in their seemingly independent travels. Allie’s finger tips left their magic everywhere they touched and never strayed so far that my electrified nipples where lonely for her attention. Her tongue licking my navel produced the most amazing sensation in my dick.
As Allie kissed and licked her way even lower, the crass and lurid realization suddenly struck me! Oh… My God…! I’m going to get laid! The sensual and almost unbearably pleasurable waves that flowed through my body like a tsunami suddenly gave way to something even more powerful; abject and total fear.
I mean… This sort of thing never happened to me before. The very thought of being desired by a woman was, at the very least, quite perturbing AND at the most…terrifying. No woman ever showed this sort of interest in me before. Well… There was this one but she didn’t count. It was her experimentation with someone who was otherwise safe and I was a total failure at the entire thing.
And now here is this …this…gorgeous and amazing woman, this goddess, at least in my mind and eyes, wanting to involve me in the most intimate, the almost sacred act that two people can possible perform together. I began to tremble again. And there was that heinous word again; perform.
Allie sensed my sudden change of…spirit? She raised herself up, looked directly into my eyes, and smiled as she removed her robe. She wore nothing beneath it. Her entire being seemed to glow in the aura of the candle light. She looked…like an angel.
“Awww…” She lilted. “Is my poor baby doll nervous?”
Allie suddenly grasped the waist of my panty and began to tug it downward.
“Tense…?”
Allie whipped them down and off my legs before I could even lift my bottom to ease the way.
“And…dare I say it…scared shitless…?”
Allie was grinning like the Cheshire cat as her gaze lowered from my eyes to my…dick?
“AH HA…! And what have we here?”
Allie snickered as she wrapped her hand around it causing me to quake…and giggle.
She gently kissed my navel again, sensitive to the new piercing it had, and then she suddenly bent and engulfed the entire length of my dick; all four unexcited inches of it! My hands instinctively when to her lush curls as I grasped her head gently. I then reached further down to touch Allie’s neck and shoulders with my fingertips. I squeezed she shoulder muscles as she slowly worked her mouth, and delicious tongue, upon my shaft.
“Mmmm… Mmmm…”
I couldn’t tell whether Allie’s crooning meant she was enjoying my fingers pressing into her shoulders…OR…she was enjoying what she was doing to me with her mouth…OR…both? All I knew was that the feeling of her tongue swirling around my dick was absolutely the most amazing sensation I had ever felt.
But I just couldn’t…relax? This was the first time ever it was all about me and I was being overwhelmed. For some reason, maybe the past experiences of having to perform upon for others, or maybe the fact that here was my idol, my muse, my perfect woman doing what I deemed the most sacred of interpersonal actions, I simply couldn’t become erect.
Maybe it was the deeply embedded memories of my whore mother and the visual of her coming home dripping secretions from God only knows who and out of God only knows where.
Allie knew there was something wrong. How could she not. I began to sit up. She raised herself off of me with a long slow sucking of my dick and, whilst wrapping her hand around it, looked at me and smiled.
“You’re way too nervous.” She pushed me down upon my back. “You really need to relax. Or would you prefer we not do this?” She smiled softly.
“I really do want to?” I was verging on tears. “But my mind is in so many places and none of them are good.”
Allie crawled up and got down alongside of me, her head resting on my shoulder. She still retained her grip on my dick. She ran her other hand through my hair gently, soothingly.
“Do you know why I want to do this?”
She asked me as she gently sucked on my nipple. I shook my head as a tear fell. I could feel why but I couldn’t vocalize why.
“It’s because I want to begin this year with making love to somebody who actually cares about me…and who I do so very much care about.”
Allie suddenly got up and straddled my waist. She leaned down and, with a somewhat lurid smile on her face, kissed me. Then she kind of rested atop me and simply hugged me. I put my arms around her and pressed her even closer to me. I could feel the heat of her body and I inhaled in her intoxicating aromas. I closed my eyes and nestled into this plush human sea of sensation atop me. I finally felt myself…stirring?
Allie suddenly got off me and turned herself around. She dove down and again took me into her mouth. This time the sensation was more than overwhelming. Allie’s tongue again performed its magic as I felt myself grow even more and more. Between her lips suckling and her tongue swooshing, I felt this mighty magnificent wave, this monstrous wave, build up and up and up.
I clung to her bottom and thighs as if holding on for dear life; as if letting go would be the end of me. She had scented her…parts? And the aroma of her perfume coupled with that of her natural muskiness overwhelmed my senses. I felt like I would be totally washed away in the rapid tides that ran wildly through me. I suddenly felt something…wet…wet at my butt hole. And then…
“OH…MY…GOD…!” I squealed.
Ali had thrust two lubricated fingers up my butt! I was definitely no longer in control. I couldn’t hold back any longer as she slowly thrust her fingers even deeper and began to wiggle them around. I suddenly exploded with a loud and very high pitched cry as my body undulated from my head down to my very toes and then back up again. And every time I could feel myself pulse, Allie would suck just a bit harder and longer.
Ali’s mouth never stopped its magic as she continued to suck my dick head, stroking my shaft with her lips and playing inside my butt hole. I moaned as if she was sucking the very life out of me. The crashing waves of ecstasy went on and on. It seemed like forever was a distinct and very real possibility in what was truly only moments. And, in one of those moments, time seemed to sit totally still.
As I recovered my breath and my mind began to clear a bit, I began to ease my hold on Allie. She softly continued for several moments to gentle nurse on my dick whilst she giggled. When she finally raised her head, removing her fingers gently from within me, she looked back at me with a grin.
“That was a good one.” Allie giggled.
“That…” I simply had to laugh between trying to catch my breath. “…was not just a good one. That was amazing! I never felt anything like that before.”
“You mean…” Allie gazed at me with a look of astonishment on her face.
“Yeah…”
“Oh my God…!” Allie squealed her delight. “I got your cherry pop?”
I nodded and blushed as tears of joy began to roll down my cheeks.
“Oh my God…!” Allie squealed with delight. “I got my first one! And I’m so happy it was yours. It’s like… It’s like a special gift to me. You know…?”
I didn’t but I nodded anyway. I suppose I was also glad this happened with Allie. Somehow it just felt…complete?
Allie rested her head on my thigh for a moment as she gently massaged my scrotum. She smiled almost blissfully at me as I caressed that part of her I could reach. She suddenly turned around and hovered over my body.
She kissed me deeply.
I could taste myself in her mouth and found it to be more than pleasant. After all, it’s not like I haven’t tasted sperm before.
“That was fun.” Allie giggled as she lilted those words. “I don’t know how you’ve managed to hide your dick. I mean it’s not like there’s nothing there.” She smiled and looked up at me as her hands continued to roam, and tease, my body.
“Well…” I giggled as I continued to try and catch my breath. “I don’t really get…excited a lot? And when I do…on rare occasions…I kind of hide it with my jacket or whatever. And it really doesn’t last too long anyway.”
I turned on my side to embrace Allie and we kissed; deeply and passionately. I hugged her to me as if each second would be our last. I had this feeling come over me that was…weird? I felt like this might be the only time…our only time.
Allie suddenly pushed me away and onto my back again. She began to tease my nipples with her mouth again. She sucked gently upon each one as if she was a baby nursing. It felt so totally amazing. Her ministrations eased the growing pain and itching I seemed to be getting as a result of the ‘mones I was taking. Allie also massaged each of my budding breasts gently with her fingers and her tongue.
She began to lick her way down my body and stopped to play gently with my belly button. I felt so…good…so alive…so…electric. Every part of my body seemed to be reacting in a new and wonderfully different way. I even felt myself start to become…aroused…again? Oh…! My…! God…!
This unusual event wasn’t lost on Allie. She immediately began to lick lower and then down along the shaft of my dick with a teasing slowness that had my arching my back and squealing in delight. What an exquisite torture as she licked up and over the head and down the other side. I was becoming harder by the second!
Allie’s hands massaged my thighs and butt cheeks and she ran a finger from the base of my scrotum up the crack of my butt to tease my butt hole a bit more. Again, with a muffled giggle, she engulfed my dick, taking it entirely in her mouth. Her lips and tongue once again began their magic bringing me to a point where I was so hard…Oh my God…it actually sort of hurt! I felt as if my dick would burst open!
Then Allie, with the grace and poise of a ballet dancer, swiveled around and hovered over my waist. After reaching beneath and grasping my dick, she sat down and slowly engulfed it. The blissful expression upon her face had to match the one on mine. I couldn’t believe the sensation of her sliding slowly down it until her bottom rested upon me. She bent over carefully until her lips barely touched mine and smiled with closed eyes.
The sensation of having Allie slowly lower herself onto me was the most intense feeling ever. She felt so…hot…so…fluid…so…consuming? And I simply gave into that exquisite feeling of being consumed. I moaned softly as this new first time experience was occurring. Allie took hold of my face and brought her lips the fractions of an inch closer until we met.
As we kissed she slowly rose up off of my dick till only the very tip of its head remained in her and then she slowly slid back down again. This time the moans were Allie’s. Our lips were still mated and I felt her moan vibrate on my tongue and mouth. Those feelings, that kiss, were so incredibly electric.
I couldn’t keep my hands off of Allie. I reached down and grabbed her butt and squeezed softly and she moaned again. I reached up and gently touched her boobs. She felt so smooth and so soft…and so hot to my touch. My hands began to roam down toward her waist.
The feeling of Allie’s body was over powering and incredible. Allie’s curves, which were so totally and forever burned into my mind, were even more sensual and exotic to my touch than what my eye perceived. She was so very much the mother of the earth to me with hills and valleys and mountains and rivers. I closed my eyes and my fingertips traveled over every part of her I could reach. And each part was permanently itched into my mind…into my very soul.
I felt her wetness on me as she performed her earthy dance upon my middle with me being the center of the sexual vortex she was creating. My entire being was being sucked down into this vortex. I wished to drown in her; to become a part of her.
Allie sat upright and began to rock her pelvis back and forth in an almost serpentine motion. Her mouth was slightly open and her eyes closed. I looked up at her in absolute awe. What she was doing to me with her slight movements was…amazing. I felt that tidal wave begin to grow again as something within her, deep within her, was rubbing across the head of my dick.
I reached up for Allie’s pendulous breasts again, now swaying freely with her every move. I had to sit up and bury my face in them. I heard Allie’s voice. It was almost a breathless whisper.
“Suck on my nipples.” Allie said in a pleading voice.
I complied trying to remember how she sucked on mine and I instinctively assumed she wanted to feel the same thing I did. So I naturally did the same thing she did. This was such an odd sensation; to have a woman’s nipple in my mouth and to be suckling on it. Though it was odd, and I probably wasn’t breast fed as a baby, I seemed to instinctively know what to do.
“Mmmm… Yesss…” I guess some things you don’t forget…even if you haven’t done them before. “Take more in. Yeahhh… Suck a little harder.” Her voice was a raspy whisper.
I went from one side to the other and then back again. Allie’s nipples grew truly large as they engorged with…whatever…until they were nearly the size of my middle finger’s tip. This was all so amazing to me. Allie suddenly took my hand and, holding my middle finger, brought it down to the juncture of our bodies. She then placed my finger tip of a protuberance that felt like…like the size of another fingertip.
She began to move my finger back and forth over that…bulge? And each time she did I could feel her body tremble and shudder with excitement. With each movement I could feel her vaginal contractions against my dick. I began to thrust up into her to counterpoint her movement. Oh my God… We were both now moaning and making all shades of colorful sounds as we truly began to move together in a most amazing sexual dance.
Allie suddenly stopped everything except my finger’s movement. She eyes opened wide as did her mouth. I instinctively gently but firmly squeezed Allie’s boobs.
“Oh my God… Oh my God… Oh my God…”
Allie yelled and began to rapidly jerk her hips and pelvis in that back and forth movement again. I began to pump into her again and again she began to yell. Her body, which had turned nearly all hot pink and apple red, undulated…I could relate…and with one final…
‘oh my God’
…she fell forward to lie on top of me.
With her breathing heavily in my ear, I felt Allie move her legs to straighten them out. She then gripped me tightly and with one smooth motion rolled us both over until I was atop of her. She giggled as she hooked her legs around my butt and began to try and pull me further into her.
I got the idea quickly. Now it was my turn…again? I pumped for all I was worth. Allie seemed to love the motion because she continued to moan and kiss my face, my neck and squeeze my butt cheeks. Allie suddenly drew her legs up and hooked her heels onto my butt cheeks. I was pumping as deeply as I possibly could into her as she pulled me in with her heels.
“Yesss…” Allie hissed. “Fuck me baby. Fill me up with you. I want you to come in me.”
Allie continued with her rapid spurting of lurid chatter in an almost hushed raspy voice. I continued to meet her every thrust and, as I did so, her voice became louder until we both seemed to reach a crescendo of her screaming and me…screaming as well?
I screamed and grunted with each pulsation as that magical wave of unbelievable pleasure, and relief, flowed out of me and into her. I could actually feel her contractions milking my dick, pulling every last drop of excitement from me.
I fell atop Allie in a not quite conscious state. I was breathing so heavily, as she was, trying to get enough air into me to maybe clear my mind. My body felt to very weak; used up. I rested my head upon her breast as I felt her legs and heels lock me to her body.
“I can hear your heart beating.” I giggled as I fought to catch me breath.
This was a first for me…again. To rest my head upon another human being was a thrill in itself. I had never done that before and certainly not under these momentous conditions. But to do this with someone I adored and worshipped was amazing. She was so warm, so comforting, so soft, so giving and…so loving that I began to weep…again.
“Are you okay baby?” Allie hugged me a bit tighter.
“Yeah…”
I was simply overcome with emotions…all sorts of wonderful emotions. Some of the emotions I felt for the first time; the giving, sharing, enjoying, and…the love? I knew Allie understood without asking because she just hugged me and smiled.
“Yeah… I know.” Allie giggled softly and hugged me even closer.
I suddenly felt myself being pushed out of her? What an odd sensation. I would have loved to have stayed inside of her…oh my God…indefinitely…forever? I felt Allie move.
She grabbed several tissues and,
with me moving slightly, wedged them between her legs.
“Let me up sweet heart.”
Allie got up and out of bed and went into her bathroom. I didn’t know what I should do. The coolness of the air felt strange upon my fluid coated dick. I guessed that it…the BIG it…was over and now was the time for me to go to my room.
I began to look for my panty and tee shirt. Upon finding them, I slipped on my panty and then sat for a moment on the bed. I was totally light headed and totally stunned. The entire evening had been so unbelievably wonderful that I couldn’t leave without saying something; doing something?
I heard the toilet flush and then the water from the basin run briefly. I put on my tee shirt and stood waiting for her to return. I wanted to at least hold her again and kiss her and wish her a wonderful New Year. When Allie walked into the room, she smile became a frown and her brow furrowed as if in anger.
“And just where the hell do you think you’re going!” Allie’s voice was adamant in her demand.
“I… I… I…” I didn’t know what to say. This was all so new and different for me.
“Get undressed and get back into that bed immediately. You should be under the blankets keeping it warm for me!”
“I… I… I…”
“Do it… Do it NOW…!!!” Allie clapped her hands loudly once to emphasize her demand.
I quickly stripped and hopped onto the bed with the biggest smile I probably ever had. I was actually going to sleep with her; my muse, my…everything. Allie pulled up the sheet and blanket up as I hopped into bed. She after followed me. She rested on her back and I snuggled into her side, once again resting my head upon her breast and my leg lying across her waist. I had never felt so warm and comfortable and…safe.
“Allie…?” I looked up at her in the dim light.
“Yes baby…”
“I…” I simply couldn’t find the words and I gazed into her eyes as tears began to gather in mine.
“I know.” She said again. Allie smiled at me and kissed the top of my head. “I know.”
I snuggled back down again and closed my eyes. I inhaled her scent…our scent. It was musky and strong but I felt comforted by it. I’m still not sure why but it just felt…natural? Just as I was about to go into the land of dreams, Allie spoke softly.
“God …! You are so femme. And it’s wonderful. I can’t wait to fuck your brains out. I bet you would love that.” Allie chuckled wickedly. "I need to get a strap on." She smiled knowingly and closed her eyes.
“Huh…???”
Will Allie leave any brains remaining for Andi??? Will Andi have any brains left after this night with Allie??? And what will happen in the morning??? The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of the management. No wild life or personal relaxation devices were damaged in the writing of this, or the next 12 chapters. The management makes no assurances after that!!! And what about Bob??? I guess we’ll all have to read the next twelve chapters and see!!!
Andi and Allie - Chapter 19
The Morning After…
When I awoke snow was falling lightly in large beautiful flakes. I smiled after realizing I had the best night’s sleep ever. I stretched my arm out to discover that Allie was not in bed. After immediately opened my eyes and looked around I heard her in the bathroom. I kind of sat up against the headboard and pulled the blanket up around me.
Her scent permeated the cloth. Memories of the prior night’s activities flooded back. My body felt amazingly at peace with my spirit. As I gazed around her room I saw several of my drawings framed on the walls and closet doors. The portrait I gave her rested on an easel. Other than those few things, the room was totally Allie; totally feminine.
Allie came walking out of the bathroom wrapped in her fluffy terry cloth pastel pink robe. Her blond hair hung in ringlets still damp from her shower. She looked gorgeous; her face and neck were flushed with shades of red and pink. Her smile was as glorious as a cloudless day. Allie’s eyes sparkled like the twinkling of the stars. I felt so overcome with emotions again…AGAIN!
“You look so adorable like that…the blanket pulled up around your face.” Allie almost sang as she laughed.
Allie got on the bed and, on her hands and knees, crept her way up to me. She slowly pulled the blanket out of my hands and, upon seeing the tears in my eyes, looked really concerned and hugged me to her.
“What’s the problem baby doll?”
I couldn’t vocalize it so I simply shrugged and hugged her. We stayed like that for several moments or more whilst I attempted to compose myself. I straightened up…finally…and took her face in my hands. I looked into her eyes.
“You are so totally beautiful and I can’t believe we’re…well…we slept together and everything. I am so full of thoughts and feelings and they’re so strong that I can’t…” I began to cry again.
“Oh sweet heart…I forgot that this is all new to you. I do understand and for sure I know some of the things you’re feeling.” Allie pulled me to her again and hugged me. “Listen…” Now she took my face in her soft lovely hands. “We’ll go slowly, okay? There’s no rush and we won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, okay?” I shook my head and tried to smile. “Now let’s go make some coffee and have a bite to eat. Then I want to show you something.”
She giggled as a wicked smile crossed her face briefly. Allie wrapped her arms around my bent up legs and rested her chin upon my knees. I wrapped my arms around her again and hugged her. There was no way I could put what I felt into words.
We spoke freely and easily in the kitchen as we sipped our coffees and munched on toast and cheeses. I told her how wonderful I felt when I would feel her body next to mine…how she kind of snuggled up behind me and me behind her during our sleep.
Allie told me that was called ‘spooning’.
She said the she was definitely a soup spoon to my tea spoon. It took a moment or two for me to understand that she was referring to her…size? Of course that made no difference to me. As long as it was our spoons and they fit, it was all good.
And we spoke about the wonderful party last night; last year. It was truly the best party, the most fun party, I’d ever attended. In fact Allie agreed with me and she’d been to a party or two including really fancy balls and such. The people really made the party I guess. I mean we all were kind of…well…different…eccentric…weird? But we all seemed to blend into an amalgam of joy and sharing of ourselves.
“You were wonderful with Lilly…the way you worked with her? You were so patient.”
I thought about Lilly and how she sat quietly and watched my every move and then attempted to replicate it. She’s a very sweet child and a very lucky child. She has two loving and caring parents in spite of them being divorced.
“Yeah… I think we may be seeing more of her. Her eyes lit up when I said she could come and visit. She does seem to have talent.” I took a deep and wistful breath. “I would love to have a child like that someday…maybe even more than one.”
I had no idea how that would ever happen.
“You’d probably like to have them yourself…you know…the pregnant thing?” Allie giggled and sipped her coffee as we sat at the island counter.
“No…” I lilted…again a bit wistfully.
“Well…then you would definitely have to be into making them. I mean… They certainly don’t grow on trees.” Allie smiled wily.
I knew this was leading somewhere. I simply wasn’t sure quite where.
“I could adopt or something.”
I don’t know why I even said that. I felt…well…I felt I had to say something? I just felt Allie was angling at something.
“You could do that. I mean you have an apartment and a job. But they usually are looking for a married couple? You know…the family thing?”
“Hmmm…”
“Or… You could have them with your girlfriend. You know… The…mystery woman…?” Allie snickered.
I suddenly remembered what I had told her. I blushed… I blushed a yet to be named shade of red.
“You were talking about me. Weren’t you?” Allie touched my cheek with her palm.
“I…” I felt tears beginning to rise up as I stared down at my hands. “I didn’t know how to say…”
“That’s okay baby doll. That’s what I thought.” She smiled so…so adoringly at me. “You say it all when you draw and you paint. That’s how I knew. Now back to the matter at hand… I do need to ask…would the kids have one and a half moms…or one and a half dads?”
“Huh…?” BOING!!! “What…?”
“Well…? You do kind of look like someone’s mommy?” Allie giggled.
I, however, began to panic and maybe even…perspire? Ugh…! Ewww…!
“Uhhh…?”
“Now don’t misunderstand me wrong sweet heart…” Allie saw I was getting bent out of shape in my own quite way. “I think you look wonderful…beautiful…simply gorgeous. I really can’t imagine you looking any other way. Maybe I’m just accustomed to seeing you dressed? Or maybe it’s the way you should have looked all along?” She got up off of her stool and came around toward me. She hugged me. “But I wouldn’t want you to be anyone or anything other than whom and what you are.”
I felt myself becoming emotional…yet again. I knew what she was saying but I still didn’t know what she was trying to say. All I knew, at that moment, was that I loved the way her body felt against mine…even with our robes on. I put my arms around her and buried my face in her shoulder. Her scent was already so deeply imbedded in my mind that the very slightest whiff of her was so very intoxicating.
“It’s just that I want to know…” Allie pulled away from me slightly so that she could look into my teary eyes. She smiled so…benignly? “I need to know if last night was simply a one-time thing for us; or if it meant as much to you as it did to me? Was it simply the wine and the mood and the lateness of the hour? Or was it really something you’ve wanted…as much as I did”
Huh…? What…?
“The truth is…and please try to understand where I’m coming from…the truth is that I need to know whether there is a Peter in your future…pardon the Peter pun.” Allie giggled but I could tell she was very serious.
“A Peter…?” Clueless…! I am so clueless!
“A Peter… As in a penis…?”
Both Allie’s brows shot up as if…as if I should be considering this penis...uhhh…point. Oh my God…! Oh…my God…! OH…! MY…! GOD…! Did I really need to consider that right now…this very minute…immediately?
“Look…here’s my point.” Allie grabbed the lapels of her silk robe that I was wearing and gently shook me. “I would rather have you as a friend than as a lover.” Oh my God… The big kiss-off…? “You are always there for me…ALWAYS! No matter what my situation is you are there to catch, or pick up, the pieces. I don’t know who would be there if we…well…if we weren’t we any more…you know? I don’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to…bed mates?”
“Yeah but…” Aren’t there always ‘yeah buts’? “Jill’s always there for you as well.”
“Jill is the mother I should have had. You are something different…closer. You’re like…I don’t know what to call you…like a brother…sister? You’re even more than that to me.” Now tears were in Allie’s eyes. “I just couldn’t stand to lose that.”
“You won’t ever lose that. What we did…what you did last night was amazing. That was the most…”
I couldn’t think of anything that could adequately describe what she did…we did. I took a deep breath.
“You really rocked my world in a way that it’s never been rocked before.”
“Yeah… But what happens the next time Peter comes on to you and the mood is right and the wine has flowed and all of that? Will you suck his cock? Will you fuck him? And where does that leave me?”
Allie was openly weeping now. I held her with one hand and began to catch her tears with a napkin with my other hand. Now I understood what she was trying to say all along. And truly I did understand her concerns. Peter had such an amazing effect upon me and Allie knew that. I told her as much.
I don’t know what would have happened had Allie not been with me last night and if Peter’s wife and daughter had not been there. Had I brought Allie specifically to prevent something like that from happening?
I waited for Allie to calm herself and dabbed at the last few remaining tears that had fallen. As I did so, I had to honestly search my heart for an answer that was truthful to me and to Allie. While I couldn’t deny being all those things to her, I also couldn’t deny all the things she was to me. I couldn’t deny how much she meant to me.
“You mean more to me than anyone else in the world.” I whispered in her ear as I hugged her close. “While Peter is important in my life, it is you I always turn to. I don’t know what would have happened if you weren’t with me last night. Maybe I would have been seduced by Peter and maybe not.
“But last night was the night I wanted to share with you and nobody else. Had there been no party, I would have still wanted to be with you. If I had the choice to be alone or with you or with Peter…” I had to take a deep breath for this one. “I would have chosen you. I really don’t know about tomorrow? But right now I only want to be with you.”
“Fine…” Allie pushed away from me. She undid the belt holding her robe closed. “Then it’s time for you to face the little monster.”
Allie placed her hands upon the counter top and hopped into a seated position. “If this is too much than you really need to think again.”
Allie scooted away from the edge a few inches and brought her heels to rest at the very edge of the top. She then opened her robe to reveal her glorious nudity and then suddenly spread her legs apart exposing her vagina to me. The first thing that hit me was the scent of her cologne mixed with something quite…musky?
“It’s time for your geography lesson.”
Allie giggled. “Pull your stool closer and sit down sweet heart. You need to see this.” Allie leaned back on her elbows after handing me the bottle of olive oil; extra virgin of course. “Put a little of that on your finger.”
I was, to say the least, majorly stunned. My entire body trembled…with dread!!! Allie was right. This was my monster; the thing I feared the most. The memories of my mother coming home, with God only knows what dripping from between her legs all over the floors came flooding back to me. I instinctively covered my eyes with my hand.
“ANDI…!” The sharpness of Allie’s voice shocked me. “Open your eyes right now. We need to do this. Now get closer and look at it.”
I took a really deep breath, mostly her wonderfully exotic scent, and held it as I removed my hand from my eyes and stared at…it…IT? Allie’s vagina looked kind of like a sideways mouth; but with flappy kind of lips like some old person with no teeth and the tip of a tongue jutting out just a wee bit from the top?
“Now put the oil on your finger tip and run it down the center.”
I did as Allie asked, running my finger ever so lightly down and then up what I could discern to be the center.
“Mmmm…” Allie’s body quaked.
Her eyes were closed and a gentle smile crossed her lips. I slowly ran my finger back down the path it had made. Allie moaned softly again as my finger tip began to sink into the center…flap?
“Press your finger down a bit more. Part the lips.”
Allie laid back completely and just seemed to enjoy my delicate ministrations. I have to tell you that the entire process caused me to tremble with…I don’t know…fear and yet excitement? My finger seemed to disappear a bit more as the cleft opened up to my touch.
“Okay sweet heart…now I want you to lick the olive oil off where you put in.”
WHAT…!? I froze…completely.
“Go ahead baby. I guarantee that it has no teeth and it won’t bite. Try it a few times and if it’s that unpleasant, then we’ll stop…okay?”
“Uhhh…” Now was the time to have a little faith. “Okay...”
My throat was so dry that I couldn’t even wet my tongue. I took a sip of coffee and moved my face close enough that I could feel Allie’s body heat. The scent of her cologne became a bit stronger. I smelled the fragrance of the olive oil. I opened my mouth and slowly licked from the tip top of her slit slowly down to the very bottom end.
“Ohhh…that feels so divine.”
Allie crooned, her eyes closed.
I guess I did it right? So I licked from the bottom up to the top and then back down again. I broadened my tongue and really encompassed her complete slit, mouth and lips, and again repeated my licking. I not only elicited more moaning from Allie but I felt her legs move and drape over my shoulders.
I could feel Allie’s lips engorge and the thingy that looked like a tiny tongue tip grow thicker as I continued to accommodate her…commands? After a few more moments Allie’s legs clamped tightly around me and I heard her groan softy.
“Okay…” She spoke quite breathily. “Stop for a minute...please. I didn’t expect that…so quickly.”
“Huh…?” C-l-u-e-l-e-s-s!
“I had a little orgasm sweetie.” She giggled.
Allie released my head and replaced her heels on the edge of the counter. She sat up and, with a smile and a glance at me, brought her hands down to her vagina and slowly separated the folds. Her actions were certainly made easier by my tongue’s work.
“I want you to play attention now baby doll.” As if anything else was going to distract me. “There are two sets of lips, or labia, the major and the minor…” Allie went on to explain all the parts that could be seen. “My minor lips are kind of…pronounced? That’s supposed to be a good thing if you want to get pregnant because they grip your thingy and retain sperm better.”
‘Good point…’ I thought. I would have to remember that. Why…? I couldn’t tell you? But she obviously had a reason for saying it.
“Now this thing…” She pointed to her clitoris. Well okay… I’m not totally ignorant…just mostly. “…is also a bit large.”
Uhhh…yeah…! That’s the thing that felt like a fingertip or something last night. I reached out and gently stroked its length and her entire body quaked. I had to giggle. I noticed that I could smell her aroma on my face. I thought to myself that I would never wash my face as long as that scent remained.
“Easy baby…” Allie giggled. “There’s more.”
Allie laughed and smiled; her eyes ablaze with…excitement? She pointed out where her pee came out and then, with her fingertips, she opened up a gap below that point.
“And this is where your thingy was last night.”
“It’s so…small?”
I looked at her. I couldn’t believe that I fit into this space without hurting her. I mean… It’s not like I’m some kind of huge dicked freak. But really…? Allie simply laughed.
“It stretches baby. Anyway…before last night it hasn’t seen much use lately.” I could detect a note of sadness in her voice? “Wet two fingers with the oil and stick them in.”
What…? Oh my God…I was going to stick my fingers inside of her? The concept was so totally alien to me. I couldn’t decide whether I was having fun or I was being freaked out…or both. Faith…! I did as Allie asked and wet my two fingers with the oil. Of course I had another sip of coffee first because every time I could salivate, Allie would expose something to cause my mouth to go dry.
I slowly and carefully inserted my fingers into Allie. I naturally went very slowly and carefully in spite of her seemingly approving moans. I felt the oddest sensations as my fingers slowly explored her insides and my mind tried to picture what my fingers were feeling. The entire thing suddenly became sort of clinical for me. I felt her pubic bone and a channel that even my longer and boney fingers couldn’t fathom…completely.
Allie seemed to be more than enjoying the experience. She wiggled around as if to direct my fingers to one spot or another. She sat up and grasped my wrist for a few moments to steady herself and slow me down. Then I reversed my wrist and began to feel up along the inside front of her vagina. I touched and rubbed one particular spot and she nearly broke my fingers she reacted so strongly.
“G-spot…!” Allie said very breathily.
I kind of giggled. Okay… Take note of that one Andi. I waited a moment or two and felt around again. The textures were amazing. I simply couldn’t envision what I was touching. And the wetness! Oh my God…it was like some tiny faucet had turned on!
I don’t know what ever possessed me but I simply couldn’t resist. Whilst gently feeling about within Allie, I with my newly discovered infinite wisdom of female anatomy, I decided to grasp her very pronounced clit whilst suddenly massaging that magic spot of hers. Allie’s reaction to this simultaneous attack was quite pronounced.
Allie’s vaginal contraction was so strong that I thought she was going to crush my fingers! Her entire body seemed to ball up and her hand quickly covered mine. She grunted, squealed and then moaned with such power that at first I thought I might have hurt her. Just as quickly her body relaxed and Allie laid her head back down, her mouth open and trying to capture air and her eyes blinking as she seemed to be trying to recover her awareness.
“That…” Allie said whilst still trying to recapture her breath. “…was not fair.” She giggled.
I snickered mischievously as I felt her clit shrink a bit in thickness? I found a new toy and I was thrilled with it. I was even more thrilled that I could give my dearest of friends such exquisite pleasure so easily.
“You need to take your finger away.”
“Um…okay. But you have to take your hand away.” I snickered to myself.
I was totally amazed at how quickly she could achieve a second orgasm. And one that was definitely more powerful than the first. The moment Allie removed her hand from atop mine and she opened her legs, I wickedly took a deep breath and dove in. My tongue was atop her clit in no time at all and I began to stroke it with long slow licks.
“OH NO…!!! You sneaky little bitch!
Oh…oh…that is so good…oh my God…! OHMYGOD OHMYGODOHMYGOD…!”
Allie kept repeating this until I could no longer hear her because she had clamped her thighs so tightly around my head. I felt her quiver and quake and tremble as she seemed to come time and time and time again! I was so totally amazed, and amused, at what was happening. And I thought that having some guy by the dick was such an intense power trip. That was nothing compared to this!
My fingers were locked within Allie by her contractions and she was bucking her hips against their tips. With the tip of my tongue I began to make tiny circular motions moving her fleshy engorged clit ever so slightly. Allie couldn’t seem to stop her gyrations and cries of pleasure as I continued. In truth, I was curious at just how many orgasms she could achieve before whatever occurred after that.
Suddenly, amid Allie’s mantra of ‘oh my God’s’ interlaced with ‘fuck’s’ and other profanities, I felt her clit grow really large; larger than before. Her body also almost completely stopped its involuntary movements. She clenched my fingers within her and my head with even greater force. Allie’s entire body began to tremble almost spasmodically and she screamed out and I felt my face get suddenly bathed in liquid. She peed on me!!! At least that was what I thought. Now I thought ‘so much for never washing my face again’.
Allie’s body went completely limp. Save for her breathing I would have sworn she (heaven forbid) died. Her eyes were closed and her legs, once so firmly wrapped around my head, now dangled limply off the edge of the counter. Her clear discharge was dripping off the counter and onto the floor. It didn’t seem to have much of an odor or taste. Okay… So I was curious.
I stood up as best I could with my fingers still within her and leaned over to cradle her head with my free hand. Allie, much to my relief, opened her eyes a bit and smiled at me.
“That…was a big one!” She managed to say whilst still catching her breath and recovering her sense.
“No shit Sherlock…” I snickered. “But did you need to pee on me?”
“Well it’s your own fault. And that wasn’t pee. That was squirt.” Allie laughed.
“Squirt…?” Clue…less!!! This definitely required more…research?
“Listen sweet heart…you have to take your fingers out. I’m getting a little sore; gently now?”
I did as Allie asked. She took my hand and, putting the two fingers into her mouth, sucked on them with a quite seductive expression of her face. I giggled. I moved up and removed my hand only to replace my fingers with my lips on hers.
I kissed her...
...and felt so much a part of her.
When our lips finally parted, I smiled down at her and she up at me. No words were necessary. I felt like this electric zap pass between us just from our mutual expressions.
“I loved doing that so much.” I really did. I had to giggle. “It was such a rush watching you get so much pleasure.”
Allie spoke in her richest alto voice as she laughed and hugged me, pulled me on top of her.
“You…” She said still catching her breath. “…are such a lesbian.”
Has Andi discovered the fountain of youth… or simply a youthful fountain???
Will Andi ever need to wash his face again???
Have Andi and Allie bonded, melded, fused, intertwined, shaken but not stirred, or elsewise come together???
Will Froggie ever plunk his magic twanger???
And what about Bob???
For the answer to these superfluous questions and others even more so…be sure to catch the next chapter of ‘Andi and Allie’!!!
Andi and Allie – Chapter 20
“A lesbian in a boy suit…?”
Allie’s words kept repeating in my ears the entire day; ‘You…are such a lesbian’. I giggled every time I thought of them. Our entire experience caused me to rethink whether in fact I was gay. I must admit that this didn’t dissuade me from thinking about dicks and how much fun someone else’s stiffy could be. But I certainly have changed the way I looked at women; or at least at Allie.
We showered together after cleaning up squirt from the island top, the opposite counter, the glass doors of the cabinet…and the floor! Allie played with my dick in the shower and, after a bit of her marvelous mouth’s activities and her wonderful fingers up my butt, I came with such force that my knees buckled and I had to hold myself up against the wall as the steamy water rained down upon me.
We finally, and somewhat reluctantly, finished our shower and began to ready ourselves to venture out into the New Year. Allie had me fetch my outfit of the day and my cosmetics case. She really wanted to spend every moment with me. I wanted to do the same. I mean this was definitely a new and wonderful level of growth in our relationship; OUR relationship…Allie’s and mine!
We helped one another dress, stealing hugs and kisses at every opportunity.
We did our makeup together and styled our hair.
The entire time we spoke easily about anything and everything. It felt good. I felt good. This was like what I’d been waiting for my entire life…ALMOST twenty one years of it. I finally had someone I could be close to and rely and depend upon who was also so very nurturing. This all felt so strange, so weird…and so wonderful.
We donned our coats, boots, scarves, and knitted hats, grabbed our purses, and ventured out into the brisk, lightly snowing afternoon. Arm in arm we started walking uptown toward the West Village. Every once in a while we would stop, turn, embrace and kiss. People passing by would sometimes stop and stare, or smile, or sneer. But we were in our own little world and really we didn’t care.
Being out in the fresh air was amazing. The briskness of the air and the beauty of the snowflakes falling made us walk that much closer together. Allie and I seemed to be walking in complete synchronization with our arms interlocked and our legs touching as we went along. We entered Sheridan Square and it might have been a normal Sunday because there were people everywhere.
As we approached Christopher Street, Allie spotted a bar and grill that looked appealing. We stopped to quickly survey the menu and glance inside before making the bold move to enter. I immediately opened my coat and loosened my scarf. The place was warm and the aromas of food blotted out the smell of stale alcohol from the bar’s well abused wooden floor.
We were seated at a table for four and, after removing our coats, scarves, and hats, I took the seat cattycorner from Allie.
We held hands atop the table.
Allie ordered us each a mimosa. I’d never had one before but I had heard the name of the drink and wanted to try it.
I watched Allie as she glanced through the menu. I never seemed to tire of gazing at her. She was the most beautiful woman in all New York, indeed the entire world as far as I was concerned and I…me…moi…was the only one she permitted to share her bed. She never brought anyone home. Allie glanced up to catch me looking at her.
“What…” She asked with a giggle. “My hair’s a mess?” I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. “Well…?” Allie’s eyebrows shot up and she placed her elbow upon the table.
“I… I just like looking at you.” I blushed magenta.
“I’d think by now you’d be at least…bored with looking at me?” Allie grinned as she blushed dragon red, and rested her chin on her palm.
“I never get tired of looking at you.”
I spoke with all seriousness and kissed her hand just as the waitress came to our table with our drinks. She must have heard what I said and saw the kiss because I noticed her smiling and rolling her eyes.
“What would you two love birds like?” She spoke with a knowing grin.
I looked to Allie and arched my eye brows. I hadn’t even looked at the menu yet. Allie proceeded to order. The waitress looked at me and I hesitated a moment before speaking.
“I’ll have what she’s having.”
“Andi does that a lot.” Allie giggled and smiled at the waitress.
“God… That is so lesbian.” The waitress laughed, rolled her eyes, shook her head, and turned toward the kitchen.
“See…? Even she thinks so.” Allie laughed.
I kind of stared at Allie, but I was really not looking at her. I was thinking about that impartial second opinion? Was I really a lesbian in a ‘boy suit’? That question would pop in and out of my head for the remainder of the day. Little did I know that question would persist to pop up for long after?
We had our lunch, roasted veggie sandwiches with Portobello mushrooms, peppers, and such, and finished with cappuccinos. Though the snow had abated to a very light powder, the wind did become stronger. We were in no hurry to leave.
It was at this point when I glanced at something other than Allie or my meal. The patrons seemed to be almost exclusively women. There were four men at the same table and then I noticed that two of them were holding hands.
“Allie…? Allie…!” I insistently whispered.
“What is it sweet heart?”
“We’re in…” I leaned in closer to speak softly in her ear. “...a lesbian bar!”
“No we’re not sweet heart.” Allie chuckled. “The bar isn’t a lesbian. Only most of the patrons are. The rest are just gay guys.”
She smiled and kissed me…fully…on the lips!
I nervously glanced around. Several women were smiling at us. There were even one or two looking at me and smiling. Oh my God…! What if I should get hit on? I turned back to Allie who was giggling.
“I don’t know why you should be so surprised baby doll. You’ve been passing yourself off as a woman for…well…at least as long as I’ve known you. You’ve told me that the guys at work are too nervous to share the restroom with you because you’re so…convincing? I don’t see what you’re problem is.”
I looked around still somewhat…stunned? And then I glanced back at Allie, who was still smiling; totally amused at my discovery. I guess it was just the label of ‘lesbian’ that threw me off? I mean… It really doesn’t make a difference, does it? Suddenly the urge to evacuate overcame me.
“I have to pee.”
“I’ll go with you; just in case some wild woman wants to attack you.”
Allie giggled as she stood and grabbed her purse. She took my hand as I grabbed bag and we were off. Now I don’t know why I should have been shocked when, upon entering the ladies room, we were immediately met by two women passionately kissing near the hand dryer. Allie smiled and giggled as we walked past and I tried desperately not to look.
When we were at clubs, we would see this in the bathrooms. Once I even saw a man and a woman come out of one of the stalls. I mean people are what people are and I guess if the urge calls, especially after a few drinks or some designer drug, or both, any port in a storm, as they say, will do.
It’s just that in the middle of a snowy Sunday afternoon, on New Year’s Day, I didn’t expect this. Thinking back on it, they were kind of cute.
Thankfully there was an empty stall. I headed for it as Allie gazed at her reflection in the mirror. The moment I entered it, Allie scooted in behind me and shut the door, locking it as she giggled and leered at me with a wicked smile.
Allie immediately threw me against the wall and pinned me with her supple body.
She kissed me with a very needy intensity!
Allie’s tongue thrusting its way into my mouth as her hands roamed my lower back and butt.
The suddenness of her movements coupled with the surprise completely caught me off guard. My hands came up to caress her shoulders and her back as her insistent mouth stole my breath. I closed my eyes and just melted into her.
The feeling was so heady…so very ‘naughty’…that I started to become aroused? That was not so good if one had to pee as well. I forced myself, with an enormous amount of mental effort, to push her off.
“I really have to pee.” I was quite adamant; like…no fooling?
“Okay… Can I hold it for you?” She whispered with a giggle.
“What…?” WTF…! “I usually sit…you know???” WTF…!
“Well I can still hold your dick for you.” She giggled wickedly.
Allie thought this was a new amusement or something. I couldn’t wait any longer and I wasn’t going to argue with her until I was at least safe from an accident? I dropped my lower rider jeans, a definite relief for my slightly bloated bladder, and I sat down on the seat. Allie hovered alongside of me and squatted down just enough to rest her back against the wall. She giggled as she reached between my legs and grasped my dick.
Her hand was warm and actually felt amazing. But this added nothing to my ability to pass a wee bit of water. With her other hand she reached around my back and came up under my pink sweat shirt; the one with the rose colored sequin design along the front. Allie started to massage my boobette through my bra and pinch my nipple gently. She once again kissed me quite fully and quite passionately. My hands rested atop both of hers trying, without too much success, to stop her from…from…turning me on even more?
“I really have to pee…!” I said.
I broke away from her very insistent and delicious mouth. I never expected Allie’s voracious appetite for sex. I mean I realized that she was very sensual. But this was kind of reckless abandon…at least for me?
“Ohhh… Okay...”
The sadness in Allie’s voice mimicked that of a child denied. She stood up and placed herself in front of the stall door.
“I’ll just watch then.”
She smiled wickedly and, try as I may have, nothing would happen.
“I can’t do this while you’re watching me.” I looked up at Allie sadly. “Please…?”
“I think I love it when you beg.” Allie giggled and again that wicked smile crossed her face.
She began to lift the hem of her skirt and, when it was high enough, she pulled her panty down to her knees. Allie then stepped up to me and lowered her skirt over my head. Now not only was I surrounded by darkness, but her aromas were overwhelming and intoxicating. This definitely didn’t help me at all.
Somehow I knew exactly what this situation required. I grasped her butt cheeks in my hands and pulled her tightly to me. I stuck out my tongue and ran it into her cleft until I found her clit. I bathed it with broad rapid motions of my tongue. The results were nearly instantaneous.
“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD…YAAAIIIEEE…”
Allie couldn’t have squealed any louder without alerting the entire neighborhood. I managed to catch her totally by surprise. She pulled away returning me to light. My flood gate opened and the splashing of pee into the bowl and the water countered her rapid breathing as she sought to regain her composure. Now I had to giggle as I gazed at her wide open mouth and eyes.
I used a bit of tissue to get the last few drops out and then I pulled up my panty and jeans. Allie was backed against the stall door, her face a beet red. I learned that her body turned that color whenever she got…excited…in the least way? Anyway, Allie pulled up her panty and I took her hand and moved her enough to open the lock and the door.
I stepped out first followed by Allie to a four woman chorus of cheers, whistles, and applause. My hands immediately went to my face which, in turn, immediately turned vermillion. Allie, showing a bit more poise, curtsied quite elegantly, smiled, and laughed. Our audience dispersed in short order and we were able to wash our hands and touch up our faces.
We finally paid our bill. Well…actually Allie paid. She was quicker in grabbing it. We had long since lost track of whose turn it was and so many other lines of distinction had become blurred as well. Anyway, as we stepped out onto the street, our faces were assaulted…insulted, by a frigid blast of wind. We huddled for only a few moments before deciding to take a cab ride back home.
Allie and I got undressed and, after putting on our respective comfy robes, spent the remainder of the day lounging in the cave watching the tube and snacking on goodies. Somewhere along the way we fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. I spent the night once again in Allie’s bed. I decided rather quickly that I could easily become accustomed to her body resting next to mine. That feeling and that knowledge was very comforting indeed.
Monday was a joke. I dressed and did my usual morning routine. I had to shuffle between Allie’s bedroom and my own but, amidst the confusion; I managed to put myself together rather nicely. It was kind of homage to the New Year. I got to the office in good time and, after depositing my coat, scarf, hat and bag at my work station, I got a cup of coffee and went to join Rhonda…as usual.
She got up and we hugged and kissed and wished one another a happy year. Then we sat and she had to ask the magic question. Oh…it didn’t come out right away thankfully. I told her all about Peter’s wonderful party and about meeting another Ben and Jerry, who she evidentially knew. I told of my meeting Lilly and sitting with her and drawing a bit. Rhonda wanted every tiny little detail and, of course, I told all. Then she simply had to ask!
“So what did you and Allie do after you left?”
I froze…turned a very bright shade of candy apple red…and began to giggle insanely. Rhonda stared at me for a moment. Suddenly her entire expression changed. Her eye brows shot up. Her jaw dropped. Her eyes popped wide open.
“Oh my God…! Oh no…you didn’t!” Rhona said quite shocked.
I nodded as my giggling became worse. I covered my mouth with my hand and I cast my gaze anywhere but at Rhonda.
“With Peter…?!”
Now she was completely amazed; her hands flapping about in excitement. I shook my head and covered my face with both hands.
“Oh my God no…! Allie…?!”
Something within me couldn’t say yes. It was kind of about kissing and telling? Rhonda was kind of family to Allie and me but…well…you know. I put my hands down on the desk and Rhonda quickly grasped them.
“Oh…my God…! You got laid!”
Rhonda said it so breathily and so matter of fact that I had to burst out laughing with tears rolling down my cheeks.
“It’s not serious…is it???” Rhonda’s face took on that amazed expression again.
“Uhhh… Well…?” I smiled coyly.
I didn’t know how to answer that question. Well…that’s not true. I didn’t know how to phrase it without the ‘L’ word…and the ‘L’ was not for lesbian.
“My cosmetics are in her bathroom?”
“Oh my God…!”
Rhonda sat back in her chair with a longed face expression as if she still couldn’t believe it.
“This is very serious.” Rhona suddenly jumped up from her chair and rushed around to hug me. “Oh sweet heart… Congratulations... I truly hope it works out for the two of you. You’re the sweetest…”
Somehow I knew that she couldn’t decide whether to say ‘man’ or ‘woman’.
“…person I know and I would love to see you two happy together. So… Give me all the details!”
Rhona’s face was lit up with excitement as she quickly returned to her chair.
I went into the details of what had occurred between us without getting into the…dirty deeds? I was giggling away like a fool when Peter walked in. Both of us suddenly turned straight faced and sat with rather stoic expressions but I simply couldn’t maintain it. Peter looked at me, and then at Rhona, and then back at me at which point I burst into laughter.
“Don’t tell me.” He said with a smile as he rested his attaché case on the desk. “You got laid.” He laughed.
What…? Is it like…written on my forehead? Was it truly that obvious?
“Well…I am devastatingly sad and crushed…but totally elated for your happiness. I think Allie is very lucky to have nailed you.”
Peter laughed again but he was sincere in his wishes. I kind of felt bad because…well…I still felt myself attracted to him and I think Peter knew this. I was hoping that it wouldn’t change our friendship or our working relationship. And, to Peter’s credit, it didn’t.
I was useless the rest of the day. Word quickly spread around the office and everyone, one by one no less, came by my cubicle to visit and offer congrats and find out the details and all. I couldn’t believe it.
I felt like I was voted the least likely to ever get laid and the losers were congratulating me…or something. I suppose it was my own fault. The guys told me, upon hearing Allie was my paramour, that I’d need to learn how to scissor? Clue…less…!
I gave up at lunch time. I couldn’t even ask Peter if I might leave early without snickering with my hand over my mouth. I walked home. I needed the brisk winter’s chill to sober me up and bring me out of my dream like state. I knew I had this idiotic smile on my face but nothing I could do or think of would change that.
I got home and, no sooner had I unbuttoned my coat, Allie attacked me. She came from out of nowhere and her presence was totally unexpected. She pushed me down into the armchair near the door and, after quite unceremoniously removing my pants and panty; she hoisted my legs over the arms of the chair. Allie then proceeded to inhale my dick; the whole ‘Mickey Mouse’; ears and all.
She had been having the same kind of morning as I had and took the same action. She was about to call me when I came in. Needless to say, we spent the entire afternoon in her bed or on the loveseat in the cave…oh…and once on the kitchen counter. Allie seemed to enjoy attacking me in the kitchen when I was in the midst of doing some chore.
Indeed Allie seemed to initiate all of our…entanglements? I didn’t mind because…well…all this was new to me. And to be perfectly honest…I liked her…aggression? I also really loved that look of need in her eyes knowing that only I could fulfill that need. I truly felt needed and wanted and…desired?
That evening we had a very serious talk. The logistics of our living situation were ridiculous, to say the least; especially now that we shared the same bed. We decided to move her fall, spring and summer clothing into my bedroom and my winter things into hers. My bed would go downstairs into storage and we would use my old room as kind of a study?
I was having trouble trying to understand my bank statement one evening. Allie offered to look at it for me. One thing led to another and we decided that I would let her handle my financial stuff. She seemed to have a much firmer grasp of things than I did. We combined accounts and she got me a credit card from her bank. The non-issue of my rent simply disappeared since I didn’t need to write checks any longer.
This is kind of how things went in the following days and weeks. Our lives became more and more intertwined and, to be quite honest, I loved it. Besides being my BGFF, Allie was my lover, my guardian and protector, my banker, and the mother I never had. Inversely, I was rapidly becoming her partner, her teacher, her guide and her muse for her art.
That’s not to say that we didn’t have our…’animated discussions’. But they were usually over stupid little things like who was wearing what to for an occasion. We almost never had any sort of disagreements over the important things.
There were times when we’d be together, perhaps doing our makeup, and I felt like I was with more of a sister than anything else. We shared everything that we could; cosmetics, jewelry, hand bags and other accessories. It was a pity we couldn’t share clothing because that would have been really special.
My art…our art…changed quite noticeably. Though Allie was and is always my muse, my work became bolder. I was doing larger pieces and the colors were more vibrant. Though my ‘soft edge’ could still be noticed, a new hardness in the modern experimental pieces became my sort of new signature.
Allie’s forms began to stray from the classical shapes to the more unusual forms. Functionality became secondary to visual uniqueness. She also began to experiment more with her glazes. She moved away from the muted and earth colors and more toward the same sort of vibrant things I was doing. Our combined works were really amazing. I was painting on her pieces with her new glazes and we both loved what was coming out of the kiln.
Things couldn’t have been going better for us until the end of January. When either of us came home, we would shout out a greeting of some sort and the other would come out from where ever. On this evening I arrived home and called out to see if Allie was in yet. I heard her call from the kitchen but her voice was…subdued?
I hung my coat and went toward the kitchen. Maybe she simply had a harder than usual day. When I walked in I was shocked to see her with her forehead resting in her hands. She was sipping wine out of a huge water glass through a straw. Her eyes were vixen red. She’d been crying. I sat on the stool cattycorner from her. I reached out to touch her shoulder.
“What’s wrong sweet heart?” I was becoming upset.
Allie looked angry as well as very upset. A tear dropped from her eye. She suddenly stopped what seemed to be an endless sip through the straw. She took a very deep breath and let it out slowly with a hissing sound.
“I went to my gynecologist today. I’m pregnant.”
‘Oh my God…! That’s great; a baby…a new life! Maybe it’ll look like you. I can help take care of it. You know….like change the diapers? Don’t be upset. It’s no big thing. It’s our baby…ours.’
Allie had to sense what I was thinking. I mean I thought this was great news. We had been together such a short time and we’re going to have a baby. She took another very long sip of wine. She really shouldn’t be drinking in her condition.
“It’s not ours silly.” Another tear dropped from her eye. “It’s his. Simms’...”
‘Oh my God…! You’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking? You can’t get rid of it. It’s going to be a new life and I don’t care that I’m not the…father? I mean a child is a child and we can raise it any way we wish. You can’t terminate this life. Maybe it’ll be a girl and look just like you. You can’t be thinking of an abortion.’
“Well…there’s a piece of you in it and that’s worth a whole lot.” I couldn’t say what I was thinking but I did have to say something.
“There’s a piece of him in me.” Allie hissed with vehemence I’d never heard before and I hoped I’d never hear again. “And I want it out! I don’t want to have to look at anything that even remotely resembles him! Not ever…!”
‘Didn’t you use protection? What about the pill? You had to have used something? I mean you hardly knew the guy. It didn’t have to come to this.’
“I don’t know how this happened. He had to have done this intentionally; that fucking son of a bitch!” Allie slammed her palm down on the counter and burst into tears.
Now I really understood her anger and her fear. Suppose it was a boy and it did look exactly like him? She would have to go through life seeing his face every day. She certainly couldn’t even think of going through with the pregnancy and then giving the baby up. She did not want to perpetuate anything that might have come out of him.
“Have you told Jill?” I spoke softly trying to calm her.
“No…! Of course not…! I didn’t want to hear from her about…”
Allie looked at me in shock and her voice trailed off. I couldn’t imagine Jill being anything but supportive. She looked at me with such soulful and doe-like eyes; hopeful eyes.
“You’re the only one I’ve told. You’re the only one I’ll tell. You’re the only one I trust completely.”
Wow…! Now that was a ton of stuff to lay on me. But I was more than happy that I could bear the weight for her. In a sense I was now part of whatever occurred whether I wanted to be or not. But how could I not be? We were part of one another and my ‘other self’ was in pain.
I reached over and grabbed her wine glass and I took a giant sip. Now I could understand her wanting to have a drink. I knew that she knew that the wine would ultimately make absolutely no difference. But, hopefully, it would help ease the pain of her decision.
Allie loved children. She couldn’t resist looking into a covered baby stroller or stopping the mother and asking some dumb question just too able to watch the baby for a moment or two. Whenever we went to Central Park she would always want to go to the zoo and watch the children react to the amazing animals.
We’d stroll through the playground and watch the little ones running around and laughing and playing. This decision had to be extraordinarily painful for her. I reached for Allie’s hand and I took it in both of mine. We both smiled at having the very same thoughts.
“Whatever you want to do, whatever you need to do, I’ll be with you every step of the way. If you decide to have it, I will raise it with you. If you decide not to have it, I will be with you and hold your hand every inch of the way. I will be there with you.”
Allie began to cry again
...and she reached out for me. I got up and wrapped my arms around her and we embraced as both our tears soaked into the blouses we were wearing. Though we were crying together, I don’t know that it was for the same reasons. I wept because I would have liked to see that child. I would have liked to see a smaller and younger version of Allie.
I would have liked to be a large part of the baby’s life. I would have liked to see Allie perhaps keep the decision for a bit longer even if only a week or two or three. Maybe something within her would see past the horrid manner in which it was conceived. But that would never happen and the more I thought about it the more I cried.
I don’t know how long we hugged one another but eventually we managed to calm down enough to stop our tears. Of course the shoulders of our blouses were more than soaked. I heard Allie take a very deep and quivered breath.
“If I have anyone’s baby…” Allie whispered into my ear and then gently kissed it. “…it would be yours…ours.”
I was stunned. I took my head from her shoulder and looked at her. Allie was smiling through her tears. In spite of her tears, I saw something in her eyes that I’d seen before but couldn’t really recognize. I sort of felt what it was but feeling and knowing are so very different.
“I think I would like that very much.” I giggled through my tears. Then I laughed. “Do you remember when we first met?”
“Yeah…” Allie sniffled as she grabbed a napkin to dry her eyes.
“And you asked me if I was a drag queen…” I grabbed one and did the same. “…and I said no?”
“Yeah…” Allie looked at me questioningly.
“And you said ‘good’ because you had enough drama in your life?”
“Yeah…”
“You really weren’t kidding.”
She stared at me for a moment and we both began to laugh.
“Let’s get changed and put together something to eat.”
I knew doing something together would take her mind off of things.
“Good idea.”
We walked to ‘our’ bedroom, changed out of our clothes, washed the tears out of our eyes and tried to refresh ourselves. Allie put on a lovely satin night blouse that dropped to her hips and her robe and I donned my sleeping tee and my robe. On went our slippers and we walked back to the kitchen.
Allie threw together a salad whilst I pan fried some veggies and steamed up some rice. We sat and eat side by side, our bodies touching as if we could combine our energies and recoup our strength by sharing what we had left.
We got into bed early after doing our evening wash and ‘beauty’ rituals. Two scented tea candles provided just enough light to see one another’s face and body and Allie had some music playing softly. For a change Allie rested in my arms and upon my body.
Allie was needy and she didn’t need to tell me. Who wouldn’t be under such circumstances? She remained needy the rest of the week and into the next. We didn’t have sex as such but we did make love. There was a lot of caressing and petting and kissing. I would rest my head on the inside of Allie’s thigh and gently kiss and lick and play with her…’coochie’ as she called it?
And she would do the equivalent with me. It was kind of low keyed but very satisfying none the less. It was the trust and intimacy of resting upon her cradle of life that Allie so generously and lovingly afforded me. It also brought to mind once again that idea of being a lesbian in a boy’s suit.
We concocted a story why we had to be out of work on Tuesday of the next week. I insisted that we not lie about being out but Allie insisted on having the privacy she so desperately wanted. And so Allie was having a growth removed from her…plumbing? That worked better than I expected and everyone was sympathetic to the max. Peter even allowed me the luxury of taking the following day if Allie needed me.
We went to a woman run clinic that Allie’s gynecologist recommended and they were amazing. Everything was very low keyed and almost soothing from the moment we walked in. I was permitted to stay with Allie through the entire procedure although I sat with my back away from the ‘business’ end.
I held her hand and kissed her forehead and simply tried to keep my smile. With the exception of a little cramping after the procedure, Allie felt no pain. We were finished within a few hours and on our way back home.
Allie stared out the window of the cab as we rode in silence. I felt the entire thing was almost anti-climactic; so much emotional stress and build up and fears for what might as well have been a hang nail of a procedure. I certainly felt a sense of relief. I gently squeezed Allie’s hand and she turned and smiled at me. But there was sadness in her eyes and I understood.
I made her rest in bed. I catered to whatever need she had and tried, quite successfully I might add, to anticipate what her next need might be. I brought my easel in and did some sketching whilst Allie napped. I brought in whatever meal she felt like having. We spoke very little that afternoon.
More than a week went by and Allie remained in her subdued mood. There was little I could do to change that. I knew that although the physical portion of the ordeal was long finished, the mental portion still remained. I totally understood how she must have felt. One evening we went out for dinner at a local restaurant. She held my hand atop the table and simply gazed into my eyes. I knew that something was up.
That evening in bed Allie again rested her head atop my breast. Then she swiftly moved her entire body atop mine and looked down into my face. Allie gently stroked my cheeks and my hair as she seemed to take in every little aspect of my features. I could feel that my dick had parted her vaginal lips through our panties. I could feel the warmth and dampness. She was definitely excited.
“You know sweet heart… I was very serious when I said I wanted to have your baby.” She squeezed my cheeks forcing me to have a ‘fish mouth’ pout. “And so…” Allie continued as she gently shook my fish mouth from side to side. “I’m going off birth control completely starting yesterday.” She giggled…probably at my wide eyed stare. “So if you have any objections, now is the time to make them known?” Allie stared into my eyes for a moment.
I will always remember that moment in time. It was a momentous and cathartic moment for me. Someone actually had enough faith in me to want to share a blessing as sacred and as wonderful as a child; their child…our child. But this statement was more than simply a pronouncement of faith; it was in fact a planned decision, a desired and wanted decision.
“No objections?” Allie lilted and then shook my mouth again from side to side. “Good…” She giggled as she let go of my cheeks. “I think we’ll make excellent mothers.” She giggled again and then kissed me.
“Allie…” Now I was looking up directly into her eyes. “I do love you so very much.”
I felt tears welling up. Oh my God… I actually admitted it to her. I actually and finally admitted that to myself. I used the ‘L’ word.
“I know sweet heart. That’s why I know this is the right decision.” She giggled. “I knew you wanted me to have that baby when I told you I was pregnant.”
“But…” I was surprised she knew that.
“There are no ‘buts’ baby. I could see it in your eyes. But you went along and supported me even though you felt differently. I know that you understood how I felt. That could only mean one thing; you loved me.” Allie giggled. Her eyes then sort of became dreamy. “And I do love you sweet heart.” We kissed again and I hugged her even tighter.
“Ummm…”
I had to ask something but I felt embarrassed. Allie could tell by the disturbed look on my face that was very hard to hide.
“What is it sweet heart?” Allie lilted with a smile.
“Do you think…?” Oh my God… But I had to ask. “Do you think I’d be able to nurse it too?”
Allie chuckled.
“I don’t know sweet heart. We’ll have to ask Doctor Ginsberg. But if you do, it will probably involve an increase in your hormone intake as well as a change of hormones. You might lose the ability to use your thingy.”
“I don’t know if I want that.”
Oh my God…! Really…? I was only just beginning to enjoy having it.
“That doesn’t mean that we won’t be able to have fun. It only means that we’ll have fun in a different way. And it will also mean that we’ll need to get more sperm samples for use at a later date. After all, maybe we’ll have lots of kiddies. Could you handle that?” Allie laughed.
Lots of kiddies… Now there was a concept. Yeah… That would be pretty amazing. Although one would be a handful I’m sure. I hoped that the first one would be a girl and it would look just like Allie and not have my ponderous nose.
Allie kissed me and then began to slowly kiss her way down my body. She spent extra time kissing, sucking and licking my very sensitive nipples. Each time she would do something to either or both of them the sensation seemed to instantly translate to an electrical type of zap to my thingy. By the time she reached my navel, I was totally in chubby land.
Somewhere along her journey Allie had slipped her panty off and now she slipped mine down my legs and off as well. She grasped my dick and engulfed it in her mouth as her hands gently massaged my scrotum. I was becoming more and more excited. My hands could only reach her neck and shoulders and I rubbed them as best I could. Allie quickly got on her knees and straddled my waist. In one movement she slid herself down onto my stiffy.
I moaned and could have died from the extreme pleasure her movements brought me. But she wasn’t finished by any means. Allie leaned her body down against mine and, again with a swift, and strong, movement she rolled over until I was atop her. She giggled as she dug the heels of her feet into my butt cheeks and pulled me further into her. Allie looked into my eyes and smiled.
“I want you to come in me sweet heart. This is something I want to start tonight…right now.”
Allie pulled my face down to hers and she kissed me. Her tongue was brutally delicious as she swept the inside of my mouth and fought for domination with my tongue. Her hands pulled and delightfully pinched my nipples. I knew I wouldn’t last very long nor did Allie want me to. Her eyes sparkled with mischief. She knew exactly what she was doing and I wanted nothing to stop her. I was hers to do with as she pleased and that thought turned me on even more.
“Come on baby…come on!”
Allie muttered under her breath as I pumped into her, her heels spurring me on. I moaned and groan my pleasure as I finally built to the most unbelievable apex of pleasure. And then, with a loud squeal, I began to spurt into her. Allie seemed to time each pulsation of my dick with her heels trying to pull me in even deeper. I finally fell upon her in total exhaustion.
Allie let me rest for a while as my breathing started to return to normal. Once I had shrunk enough to fall out of her, or be pushed out, Allie quickly bounced me off of her and drew her knees up into her breasts crossing her legs.
She was trying to keep what I had given her deep within herself. I cuddled up alongside of her and placed my legs beneath her butt to aid her in this endeavor. It then occurred to me that she had only just undergone an abortion two weeks ago and might still be a little sore. But Allie didn’t care. She wanted to do this more than anything and nothing was going to stop her.
As I rested beside her, helping to keep her legs and pelvis raised. Allie turned her luscious face, blossoming bold pink, toward me and smiled lewdly.
“Oh… By the way baby doll…” Allie giggled. “I bought a strap on.”
Is Andi really a lesbian in a boy suit? Is Allie really a lesbian in a girl's suit? Is anyone even dressed in their proper suits? Does it even matter? Will Allie strap on a tool belt equipped with power tools? And what about Bob??? All this and more to follow in the adventures of Andi and Allie!!!
Andi and Allie Chapter 21
“What About Bob???”
As much as our lives had changed forever that evening, our day to day remained as frantic as ever, and as usual. Bob Preston was pressuring me for a show and he was anxious to see what I had so far. I, of course, included Allie and her work whenever he mentioned me. I reminded him that Allie and I had a number of joint works.
Peter also kept reminding me that sooner or later I would need to make the trip uptown to meet the account reps for the companies I was doing work on. I could tell that he felt kind of a loss at my having chosen Allie over him as a lover but, being the total gentleman he was; he never brought it up at all.
Of course that didn’t stop me, or him, from having ‘those’ feelings every so often when I was in his presence. And the occasional innocent touching…a hand…an arm…a hug…certainly didn’t help. It was more my doing than his. Allie and I would, on occasion, discuss my feelings toward Peter. I simply had to live with the fact that I was perhaps…bisexual?
Jill, always a frequent guest, came to dinner one evening. But on this evening she was scouting for Bob. She immediately went to my room out of habit. To her great surprise she found no art at all. Jill turned and looked at Allie and me. We had our arms around each other’s waist and were giggling.
“Oh shit…! I forgot!” Jill began to laugh. “I should have known from that disgustingly lovely glow you both seem to have.”
She then walked to where Allie’s studio once existed and was surprised to find that empty as well.
“We moved everything downstairs.” Allie giggled. “It was simply getting too crowded up here and we kind of like to work close together…sort of.”
“I’ll bet you do.” Jill smiled wryly. “Well I do want to see what you’ve both been up to but I suppose it can wait until I’ve at least been fed.”
“I do have some sketches in our bedroom.” I felt I had to offer at least a taste of something.
We walked across the apartment to our bedroom. Jill preceded us in and went immediately to my easel and the large sketchbook upon it. She began to look at the work and, as she did, her smile broadened. Jill’s expression suddenly turned to one of surprise. Then she arched one eye brow and a really wry smile crossed her lips. I couldn’t imagine what she was looking at.
"Has Allie seen this one?"
Jill pierced me with her glaring gaze.
“Which one…?”
I was truly curious and I walked to join her. It was a sketch of Allie showing what she might look like in her eighth month of pregnancy.
“I don’t know if she’s seen this one. It’s not exactly complete?” I offered.
To Jill’s great surprise I pick up the drawing and turned it so that Allie could see it. Allie smiled as she took the in image of her appearing quite pregnant.
“No…I haven’t seen that one.” Allie colored cherry red and giggled. “It’s…amazing. You should put it with the others when it’s finished.”
“Others…?”
Jill’s voice resounded in the lowest smoky alto voice I’d ever heard out of her mouth.
“Is there something I should know about???” She gazed at me and then Allie.
“Oh…not yet for sure, but you’ll be the first to know.” Allie grinned.
“Somehow…” Jill turned from Allie to look at me. “…I doubt that very much.” Then she snorted and chuckled.
After dinner we took Jill downstairs to the studio. I couldn’t really judge her reaction to what she was looking at because she said nothing. Her eyes were as wide opened as her mouth. I figured she either liked what she saw or she hated it so much that words failed her.
Every so often she would stop and spend an extra few moments with a particular piece. On occasion Jill would suddenly turn and look at me with a surprised, almost shocked, expression.
Allie and I held hands whilst in my studio. But we got even closer when we walked into hers. I had my arm around Allie’s waist and she had hers around mine. We had a number of joint works and Jill took her time examining them all. With the work Allie did exclusively, Jill took a bit of extra time; lifting and turning and gazing at each piece quite carefully.
“Well…” Jill said quite breathily. “Bob needs to see this as soon as possible.” Jill turned to me and smiled broadly. “I think he might want everything. He might even want to give you your own showing.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; my own showing? Sacred feces…! I know of really good artists who worked for years just to get a little wall space at Preston’s.
“I also think…” Jill again turned from a piece she wanted to see again in my studio. “…that you should consider giving up your day job.” She chuckled and the twinkle in her eye was enough to convince me she was very serious.
“What…?” Allie and I sang out almost simultaneously.
That would be a dream come true; earning a living just from my art.
“What about Allie?” It would be no fun without her around; my muse.
“Sorry Allie…” Jill turned to face her. “You’ll simply have to work for me forever.” Jill chuckled again and turned to face me. “Of course Allie as well… You silly…person!”
She shook her head as if to say; ‘Are you kidding?’ Jill continued to walk back to our apartment. She led the way as she continued to speak.
“You have some pieces here…well…” Jill shook her head. “I’m no judge of the market but I think they are worth quite a bit.”
Allie and I turned toward each other and hugged…and squealed in delight…and hopped up and down.
“So…” Jill drew out the word forever. “Have you two thought of names yet?”
“Names…?” Clue…less…!
“For our child…?” Allie rolled her eyes and giggled. "We're not pregnant...yet."
'We're'...? I had no idea of what a woman can be like when she's determined to become a mother. Allie was relentless in her need to try and procreate whenever and wherever in the apartment. It wasn't love, lust, rutting, sexual, or sensual. It was like... 'Get that boy junk into me so I can hoist my legs up'! She wanted this so badly that her pleasure came from me squirting into her.
That's not to say the experience wasn't pleasurable for me. But it is to say that it was exhausting! If she would awaken in the middle of the night we would do it. I wouldn't even be fully awake but Allie managed to draw something out of the end of my dick. We both knew from my new doctor, an older woman named Edith Weintraub, that I wasn't the most potent shooter going. So Allie decided that we would make our attempts no less than three times a day during her week of greatest fertility?
We spent the remainder of the evening with Jill speaking about all the things we’d like to do; both in life and in our art. The shock of what Jill said remained with us long after she left and later on, in bed, we spoke about it. With the aroma of Allie’s coochie still fresh on my face, we snuggled and held one another as we spoke of our dreams; OUR DREAMS. It was like a fairy tale come to life.
Of course the idea of leaving Peter and the work I had started for him didn’t quite sit well with me. I mean he was the one who took a chance hiring somebody right out of school and he did kind of ‘hide’ my ‘eccentricity’? I really felt bad about the very thought of leaving. Allie suggested that maybe I could work per diem or by the job where I didn’t have to be anywhere in particular every day.
And then, of course, there was the money. I managed to go through the money from the last show rather quickly. Finances, and all matters thereof, were now totally Allie’s territory. I had great faith in her abilities to set a budget for us and keep us to it…within reason. With the very distinct probability of a new added addition to our little family unit, her particular talents in this area became even more important.
First Bob Preston had to be called and I had to deal with him…with Jill’s help of course. He couldn’t wait to come and see what Jill had raved so adamantly about. The next day at work I was so elated that my joy showed the moment I walked through the door.
“Well…” Rhona said as I sat down with my coffee. “You’ve been getting laid so it can’t be that.” She smiled and laughed.
I, of course, nearly coughed up the mouthful of coffee I only just sipped.
“Oh… You poor dear… Did I embarrass you?” She spoke with an oh so smug expression on her face.
“No… It’s just that sometimes the things you say are a bit much?” I giggled.
“Well… You had to see the very self-satisfied expression you had when you sat down. So what’s going on? You’re not pregnant…are you?” She gazed very seriously at me.
“No…! WE’RE not pregnant.
What is it with you and Jill anyway? Are you and Jill comparing notes? Or what…?”
I was just a little bit peeved. I mean just because I have a girlfriend and we’re having a serious relationship…sort of…well no…we have a very serious relationship…was no reason to assume anything. Anyway, that doesn’t mean we’re trying to have a baby even if we are. I mean… It’s not really anybody’s business; right? But then again, they are sort of like mother hens and I must admit I do enjoy sharing little bits of gossip with Rhona.
“Well…?” Rhona leaned in a bit as if we were going to trade world class secret intelligence.
“I think I’m going to have another showing.”
I couldn’t contain myself any longer. I set the cup down and with hands flying about I told her what Jill had said…and didn’t say for that matter.
“Oh my God…! That is really big news; and very exciting. If you do really well in this showing you might need to quit your day job.”
Rhona laughed but I nearly fell over. Was all of this so very obvious? Am I really that clueless? Of course I made light of that possibility.
We spoke at length about a number of things that mostly centered on whether or not I was happy. I hadn’t really ever thought about that before. No one ever bothered to ask really. As I sat and spoke with Rhona, I realized that indeed I was happy. I was more than happy.
I had a great place to live. I had this great job. I had people who really cared whether I got up in the morning or not. My art was at least marketable? I had Allie who really cared for, and about, me. I even had a few friends like Peter and Rhona and Jill. It all kind of made up for all the shit I had to take along the way and for the childhood I never really had.
I felt so elated that when Peter walked in I quickly got up, hugged him and then I planted a huge kiss right on his lips. I definitely caught him by surprise although shock would be a better way to describe it.
”And what has gotten into you this morning.” Peter laughed.
I clutched my hands in front of me, shrugged my shoulders, rolled my eyes, and giggled.
“I’m simply having a good life today.”
“Well…” Peter smiled sympathetically for some reason I was yet to understand. “We need to speak. Give me a few minutes and then come to my office, okay?”
“Sure…” At least he was still smiling.
I looked toward Rhona who simply shrugged her shoulders. For once somebody else was as clueless as me. I got Peter’s coffee ready and, with a shrug and a hopeful smile, I left Rhona and walked down the hallway to Peter’s office. He was just about to sit down at his desk as I walked in. I placed the coffee near his right hand and gazed down at his less than happy expression.
“Please Andi…” He motioned toward the chair in front of his desk.
Andi…? He almost never calls me that. Uh oh…! I sat down in front of his desk and leaned forward hunching my shoulders slightly.
“I received a call from the account rep for Scoville Industries. Evidently old Mister Scoville is anxious to see what we have thus far. He wants to meet with the rep and us on Monday.”
MONDAY…? SACRED FECES…!
“Have you been in contact with Susan?”
“Uhhh… Yes... We don’t really speak regularly but I call at least once a week and keep her up to date on what we’re doing. And…you know…just…just to talk about things?”
“Well…maybe the two of you could have lunch this week. Try to get a feel on what the old man is looking for.”
I nodded. I would call her this morning for sure.
“The thing of it is…”
Now I could see that Peter was having trouble saying whatever he needed to say. He took a deep breath and continued.
“You will definitely need to be there and the old man is expecting Andrew?”
Ooopsies…! I had absolutely no boy clothes anywhere. And I really wasn’t disposed to dressing any way other than the way I was most comfortable. I definitely needed to speak with Susan!
“Peter…” Peter held up his hand and stopped me before I could say anything.
“I don’t expect you to be or do anything that you’re not comfortable with. You know that I will go as far as I can for you should it become an issue. I don’t expect it to but…you never know.”
“Well…? I do have an attorney working on that situation.”
“I realize that sweet heart. But these things go slowly when a corporate bureaucracy is involved. And certainly the uptown crowd is aware of your…transitioning? There is some resistance to that entire thing. But it’s more envy over your getting two major accounts with virtually no effort.”
Well…there goes that ‘happy today’ feeling. I mean I expected some resistance to the way I dress? But because everyone here was more than accustomed to my sense of style it never occurred to me that I might need to go ‘uptown’. Peter leaned forward and put his arms on the desk top.
“How far along are we in the packaging redesign and new logo?”
“I bet ‘what’s his name’ is gone.” I gazed off into space as I spoke.
“What?”
“Susan’s husband…’what’s his name’.” I said under my breath. “This might be good for us.” I looked back at Peter. “If Susan is now running things, Mister Scoville might simply want to see what she’s buying from us. What does he look like anyway?”
I had an idea. Peter, bless his heart, knew me well enough to simply do a search. In no time at all he had numerous pictures of Mister Scoville and even a few viddies. I got up and walked around to his side of the desk. I stood at his right as we both looked at the pictures.
“Your scent…”
“Huh???”
“It’s very distracting you know.” He laughed.
“It’s supposed to be.” I giggled. “There… That one… And those two…” I said pointing to several pictures. “Can you e-mail them to me?”
“Of course… Anything else boss…?” Peter chuckled.
“Yeah… Let’s watch a few of the videos. I’d like to get an idea of how he moves and what he looks like aside from promo shots.”
We watched several videos and it was easy to see the resemblance between Susan and her father. He was a tall wiry distinguished looking gentleman whose physical movements were forceful, powerful, directed and without wasted energy. His eyes were the same amazing deep blue color and, of course, he had the same piercing stare that was quite evident in Susan. I knew could do something with that image; that personage.
I knew that the current logo for Scoville Industries was very industrial; an ‘S’ and an ‘I’ in kind of an iron work steely grey with rivets linking the parts forming the letters. This was on a field of red. It was…well…industrial.
I immediately thought of doing something to personalize that image. It might not fly as a logo but it would certainly work for a segment of the industrial division’s products; particularly the ones that a person used like the hand tools.
My mind drifted off deeply into the idea, as it often does when I have one, which is almost all the time, because the next thing I realized was Peter was gently trying to draw my attention.
“Where are you sweet heart?”
I looked into his gorgeous eyes and smiled. Normally one would think of that sort of appellation as being…sexist? But I didn’t feel that way with Peter. I guess it was one of the connections we seemed to have with one another which sometimes made working with him a breeze and staying faithful to Allie such a challenge.
“I just had an idea I think I’d like to play with. I don’t think it might make a difference as far as the overall package of work we’re doing? But it might be just the thing to show the Scovilles to let them know that we’re looking at more than just one or two areas…and ideas. People love to have choices.” I smiled.
Peter sat back in his chair and kind of moved slightly away from me. He grinned as he leaned back and stretched out his legs.
“You know… I love the way your face lights up when you have something; an idea. I could almost feel the energy when it hits you.” He smiled and chuckled. “It’s like watching genius at work.”
“You know… Flattery will get you everything.” I giggled.
I laughed and felt the terror of having to appear uptown in person melt away a bit.
“When can I see something?”
Peter’s expression turned serious. He must really be concerned with next Monday’s meeting. Certainly the image that ‘Andrew’ would cast is enough of a worry in itself. Accounts have been lost for sillier reasons then simply the manner of dress…literally…of one of the ‘team’ members.
“Oh God Peter… I really am not sure. This is going to be a lot of work. I have to get it just right. If I do…it’ll really make the day. I promise you that.”
I folded my arms beneath my boobettes, it was really nice to not have to wear the fakes ones anymore, looked down at my shoes and noticed I scuffed one of them. Crappers… And I thought about a time frame. Finally I smiled and looked up at him. I would have to put in a lot of extra time on this one.
“Certainly the concept drawings will have to be done before Friday so that if you think they’re missing something, or are off the topic I will have a couple of days to revise or change them completely. Let’s say before Friday morning?” My smile definitely radiated. It reflected in Peter’s grin.
“Good… That sounds like a plan to me. If you’d prefer to work at home…that’s fine too. I know that there are distractions here from the staff. Oh… By the way… Your bonus check finally came in.” Peter handed me an envelope.
“Doesn’t it go straight into the bank?” I never got one of those before.
“Well…” Peter chuckled. “They think seeing the check makes a bigger impression. I must tell you that I think it could have been more. But we’ll see what kind of billing the Scovilles bring in. Then I can argue with authority.”
I stuck the check into my purse. I needed to remember to hand it over to Allie.
That was true. One artist or another was always at my desk about something. And then there was Rhona. It wasn’t that she was a distraction as much as every time I passed her desk I could barely resist sitting for ‘just a minute’ and talking with her. And then there was the main event, so to speak, the boss himself!
I felt myself committed to Allie in every possible way except…well…there was still this little physical thing that still existed between Peter and me. To deny it was only to deny something very powerful within me. Ever since I began sleeping with Allie I began to look at Peter less and less as a ‘partner’ or mate and more as an object…a very handsome, genteel, walking and talking penis!
Indeed I even began to gaze upon women with a new perspective. Perhaps that very first, and only, experience was simply a case of ignorance on both our parts and a lack of hygiene on hers. I would walk down the street somewhere and suddenly I would notice a particular woman and I’d wonder…you know? What would she be like in bed?
But then I’d notice her shoes were awful or her hair color was all wrong or something. Or perhaps I’d be standing gazing into the same window and then she’d open her inviting mouth and…ewww…the whiney voice!!! Allie was simply too perfect in my mind to even seriously think about any other woman.
However, that didn’t help me with a totally new problem; the chubby-stiffy thing. I mean I had them from time to time but not with enough frequency to present a problem? And I could usually rid myself of the ‘situation’ rather quickly by thinking of a project I was involved with.
But ever since Allie and I began to seriously cohabitate, she would immediately ‘jump’ on the situation…well…not literally…and not all the time anyway. ButI began to associate a stiffy with her ministrations. The result was that they no longer simply disappeared with the onset of other thoughts.
I began to wear more blazers and traditionally cut women’s suits. Cardigan’s that fell to mid-thigh, or even vestment length, also became a part of my wardrobe. I really needed a solution and had to speak to Allie about this situation.
All of these thoughts were running through my mind as I sat down in my cubicle and picked up my phone to call Susan. My mind was still in another place when I heard her voice.
“Andi… What a delight to hear from you.”
“Hi Susan… How are you?
She must have heard something in my voice. Though we didn’t speak that often, I was usually jumping out of my skin with excitement over something to tell her.
“What’s up sweet heart? You sound a bit out of sorts.”
“OH my God Susan…so many things are happening all at once and maybe I’m a little bit overwhelmed?”
I can’t believe that I actually said that to a client. But truly she was more of a friend and didn’t hesitate or feel put off.
“Well then… Let’s have lunch…
…or dinner if that’s more convenient.”
“When would it be good for you?”
“How about Friday…we can have lunch and make it a long lunch and a short day.” Susan laughed.
“Oh my God… That would be so great. It won’t be any trouble?”
“Not any more dear... I have a few tidbits for you as well.” Susan chuckled. “We can dine at my private club. I think you’ll find it an interesting experience.”
We spoke for a few more minutes about nothing in particular. It was more to simply feel the presence of a ‘kindred soul’ on the other end of the phone; the knowledge that we were not alone. I went to immediately let Peter know.
“You…” Peter said as he took me by my arms and shook me slightly. “…are amazing. She actually invited you?”
I nodded my head. I wasn’t that surprised…at least not as much as Peter.
“I have never had a client invite me to lunch unless they expected something in return.”
“I think she simply wants to talk…you know? We each have lots of goodies to relate.” I smiled and giggled.
“‘Girl talk’ I suppose…?” Peter chuckled.
“Yeah… I guess.”
Peter laughed. I mean who wouldn’t. I mean I am a guy…sort of… And Susan, for some reason, felt comfortable enough with me to tell me the most intimate things.
“Where are you two going to meet?” Peter returned to his desk and sat.
“Well…” I clasped my hands behind my back, shrugged my shoulders and kind of rolled my eyes. “I’m not sure? She said she’s a member of some private club and I think we’re meeting there? It’s uptown somewhere in the eighties on the East side…in a townhouse or something?”
Peter stared at me for a moment. Then he broke into a big grin. “If it’s the place I’m thinking of, you should have a really great time. In fact my mother was a member of a sorority club up in that part of town. It would be something if it was the same club.”
“What should I wear?”
I was clueless. If this was one of those fancy clubs I would really need to plan everything. I would certainly need a trim and I should have my nails done anyway.
“Don’t worry sweet heart. Whatever you wear will be fine. You always look great and it is a working day so you have lots of leeway. Just be you and it won’t matter at all.”
I couldn’t wait to tell Allie so I called her on my way home. I decided that there was no way I could get any work done on such short notice at the office so I opted to work at home. Allie was really excited about everything; the lunch date as well as the big meeting on Monday. Of course she offered to take some time off to help me if I needed an extra hand.
The moment I got home I changed into something more comfortable and went into the office; my former bedroom. I downloaded and printed the pictures I needed as well as the videos of Mister Scoville. I began to sketch out several poses and gestures using his face as my model. I also downloaded and printed their current tool catalogue? I had no idea of what kind of tools they made.
Next step…wardrobe... I downloaded and printed pictures of people working at construction sites to see how they were dressed. Then I searched to see if Scoville Industries made such clothing. Fortunately for me they did. I could present Mister Scoville wearing his company’s clothes, a hard hat, and handling his company’s tools. I think that would be a nice surprise for him. At least it would show that we were thinking of new ways to present their products.
Now all I had to do is create something to give to Peter and to present on Monday. What was it that guy said; ten percent inspiration and ninety percent perspiration? I had to get the scale right and of course the coloration had to be perfect.
I didn’t even hear Allie come home. She simply let me work undisturbed. It wasn’t until I smelled an outrageously aromatic aroma coming from the kitchen did I even realize the time! I had worked nearly seven hours without a break. At least I had a few drawings that were to my liking and ready for some color. I lined the sketches up along the windowsill and stood back to view them all.
“Hi baby…” Allie walked in and hugged me from behind. She kissed the side of my face and I caught a whiff of her cologne. “How are you doing?” She rested her cheek against mine and gazed at the work I’d done.
I melted back into her. My hands quickly found hers and pulled them even a bit tighter around me. I closed my eyes and inhaled her scent deeply. Allie was also in her comfort clothes and I could feel the terry cloth of her robe against my arms.
“What are you doing baby doll? Who is that?”
One of Allie’s hands went beneath my sweatshirt to cup my boobette and slowly massage my nipple. Her other hand went down the front of my sweat pants and into my panty. Allie firmly cupped my scrotum and, with her thumb, rubbed my dick. I could barely hear her question let alone answer it.
“Andi…? Sweet heart…? Who is that?” She asked again with a giggle.
“Uhhh…”
The sensations had me totally paralyzed…and she knew it! Allie tugged at my eye lobe with her teeth and then slowly ran her tongue around the edge of my ear only to plunge it deep into it.
“Why Andi…”
“Am I getting you all wet and excited?”
Sure!!! She could giggle as I felt myself leak onto her thumb and she rubbed it onto the very tip of my dick.
“Maybe it’s time for a dinner break?” Allie snickered as she left me...unabated?
“Uhhh… Okay…” I would have agreed to anything at that point anyway.
I spun whilst still in Allie’s grasp and I hugged her to me as her arms went around my back and I kissed her on the lips. It was a very ‘lippy’ touch; very full. Though we had been together for some time now…nearly two and a half months as…us…I never failed to be surprised at her desire for me; or mine for her.
Women like her, attractive, successful, doing things in life, always seemed to have these very macho types of guys in tow. I was far from that. Indeed I couldn’t be much farther from that. Even Allie’s false love was a big macho kind of guy. So when I think about being able to touch her, kiss her, and taste her and, at day’s end, sleep next to her, I thought of the entire thing as nothing less than a miracle.
Allie had set out an assortment of ‘easy’ food on the coffee table in the cave. She had scented candles aglow and piano music playing softly. Chopin I think. The ambience was quite romantic. We sat at our usual ends and I surveyed the feast before our eyes. Allie had purchased Italian sliced meats and some cheeses. I was acquiring a taste for these foods. The trick for me was getting past the odor.
Allie prepared a plate of different things including some of the salad she put together for me and for herself. She poured a goblet of red wine for each of us. We put our feet up so that our soles were touching and we began to dine and speak about our workday. Of course I had the more interesting day even though it was mostly spent at home.
“Do you think you’ll have any…you know…trouble?”
Allie was referring to having the meeting with the account executive and Mister Scoville dressed in my ‘normal’ attire.
“Well…Peter doesn’t think so. In fact he thinks I can look quite…stylish?”
“I’ll bet he does.” Allie sounded just a bit catty as she spoke.
“And Susan…”
“Susan…?” Allie sounded incredulous and clueless.
“I did a portrait of her with her three children? I’m using her face as part of a logo for the household divisions?”
I rattled off two or three other things but nothing seemed to register. Allie usually remembered everything.
“Peter and I had that dinner with her husband?”
“Ohhh… That Susan... That was the night you almost…”
“Yes…” I was quick to say because I knew what was coming next. “…but I didn’t.”
“So… Why are you having lunch with her?”
Allie set her plate down and sat up. She moved closer toward me and wrapped her arms around my knees for support.
“Well…” I lilted as I felt Allie’s fingers touch the back of my knees. “Peter wanted me to get an idea of what to expect Monday. So he had me call her.”
“But why you…? I mean… Shouldn’t he be the one to call? After all, he is the boss.” I didn’t understand what Allie was getting at.
“Well…I do speak to her from time to time…you know…to kind of give her updates? So he felt that I should be the one to call.”
“From time to time…?” Allie’s grin belied her growing…consternation?
“Well…” I felt myself suddenly on the defensive. “Maybe once a week…?”
“Once a week…? Do you text her as well?”
“Text her…?” Clue…less…!
“She’s the one who showed you her boobs in the lady’s room…right?”
Allie removed her feet from mine and got up on her knees. She rested her arms on my knees and her chin on her arms. Her smile was similar to that of the spider just about to jump all over the proverbial poor fly. Her amazing blue eyes were fixed upon mine.
“Listen… She was letting down at the table and didn’t notice it. I simply went along to help her.”
“Help her…? Did she have nice boobs? Did she turn you on?”
Oh…my…God…! Allie’s jealous?
“I mean it’s bad enough I have Peter to worry about. Now this…this…” Allie was sounding more exasperated by the moment. “…this Susan…? It’s bad enough I have to fall for a guy in a girl suit…”
Who…me…? No way…!
“…who happens to think he’s also a lesbian…maybe...”
What…?
“…who would love to spread them for his boss…”
Well…not really… Okay… So maybe a little bit…?
“… and who happens to look better than me in a skirt!”
Now that’s definitely NOT true…at least I don’t think so. I had to put an end to this. I pulled my feet up disrupting Allie’s pose and I reached out, putting my arms around her neck.
“There is nobody…nobody…I’d rather be with at any time than you. You are just so…amazing, wonderful, warm, gorgeous, giving…I can’t even think of enough things to say AND…” I had to make this point. “…you have the most amazing boobs.” I had to say it: The ‘L’ word. “And I do love you so much that…”
“I’m pregnant.”
“What…???”
I was stunned. I was shocked. I was…stunned and shocked! I never dreamed that this would ever happen to me. As the news slowly penetrated my brain I began to smile so broadly that my face actually hurt. Her words echoed in my ears as I stared at her totally amazing countenance. I should have expected as much anyway. Allie threatened to bless us in such a manner but for some reason her ‘warning’ never sunk in.
I couldn’t hold her or kiss her or praise her greatness enough to fully express the joy I felt. I was in tears. She was in tears. We both were in tears. When we calmed ourselves enough to finish up our meal, we literally worked side by side, me giving way only at the doorway to the kitchen. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her body as if it would bloom before my very eyes. Allie would notice me staring at her and giggle with a blush.
I normally fell asleep in Allie’s arms snuggled up tight against her body. But on this evening Allie fell asleep in mine. She felt needy I’m sure. She wanted my unconditional assurance that having this child was the only thing to do. I hardly slept. The aroma of her natural scent and the warmth and soft plushness of her body kept me awake. I gazed at her, asleep, her mouth slightly open, and purring like some large kitten, and tears of thanksgiving flowing from my eyes.
The next several days were intense. I noticed every little thing Allie did, or didn’t do, with wide-eyed wonder. From the moment she got up and barfed, to the moment when she would rest her head upon me, I was in awe of her…condition?
Allie was now totally made of awesomeness! She blossomed and bloomed from moment to moment and every action she took, no matter how minor, became a four-movement ballet. She had turned from mere muse to art itself; personified by her very being. A tiny piece of me had joined with a tiny piece of her and now we were truly one.
I hadn’t really had a chance to tell anyone and we decided that with the exception of Jillian and Peter, and maybe Rhona, the news would remain private for a while. I think Allie was looking for a chance to really absorb what we were embarking upon. And, to be quite honest, I needed that time as well.
I found it very difficult to keep my mind focused on my project and I found myself outside every so often simply trying to air my brain out. When I managed to get downstairs to the studio, I discovered that my work was changing as well. I seemed to be transfixed upon curves and, well, roundness? And size was becoming an issue. I was looking at progressively larger works using panels rather than mere canvasses. I chuckled when it occurred to me that perhaps my work was pregnant as well.
I began a new series of sketches.
I wanted to portray this entire pregnancy thing. I started a new sketchpad specifically for this purpose. I wasn’t sure of what medium I would finally be using or even if I would translate these sketches into something more formal but I felt this was going to be very important to both of us.
Thus began my toughest week as an artist and our most wonderful week as a couple. Bob and Jill came to visit on Tuesday evening. I was too involved with coloration of my drawings for the Scovilles to spend more than a cursory few minutes with them so Allie acted the part of tour guide and showed them, Bob actually, what I’d done.
Within a few minutes Allie and Jill returned. Bob was taking more than quick glance at the works. They went downstairs where I assumed dessert was being unmasked. Allie didn’t seem to crave anything unusual; just more of whatever the flavor of the day was. I had completely lost track of time when the ladies returned nearly an hour and a half later.
“Where’s Bob?” Jill looked around the area she could see.
“Uhhh…”
I’d actually forgotten he was there. I get that way when I’m working on something; anything.
“I thought he was downstairs with you.” My eyes never left the drawing I was working on.
“Hmmpphh…”
Jill crossed her arms with a slightly sour expression on her face and stomped off to the other areas of the studio in search of the elusive Bob.
“What do you think?” I asked Allie; my eyes still of the work.
“I kind of like the muted colors? It’s sort of like… Hmmm… The New Yorker cover…?”
“Yeah…” I said turning to face her. “I wanted something that gave the feel of the product longevity; kind of institutionalized from father to son. You know?”
Bob suddenly appeared looking a bit paler than his usually tanned personage. He sat down and gazed at me with a look of wonder upon his face.
“What do you think Bob? This is for a hand tool logo.” Bob looked at the drawing, now on an easel, and turned back to gaze at me.
“The colors are too muted. Go cartoon; make the shirt pop out. Your logo needs to compete with simple designs featuring bright colors. Muted will fade into the back ground.” Bob spoke rather softly. He was definitely distracted. “I believe you have some pieces that I might be able to get close to six figures for.”
“What…?”
Allie was obviously stunned. I barely heard him. I was still engrossed with my work.
“I think there are at least a half dozen I could sell…hmmm…maybe this week? Privately of course…” ‘Of course…’ I thought. “The rest…well… I could build an entire show around them but I would rather give you just the main room. Anything remaining I can always take for the small room later on. I don’t think we need to unload so much of your work at one time. You’re almost too productive and I don’t want to flood the market with your work.”
“Ummm… Okay….” I smiled innocently.
In truth, I wasn’t half as interested in what he was saying about the completed stuff. I was mulling over his criticism of the logo thingy and considering that he might be correct in his assessment.
“Bob…”
Allie was taking this all in with Jill who also had a stunned look on her face. Bob looked at Allie.
“Yes dear…”
“How much do you think you might get for what you’ve seen?”
“Honestly… I don’t know? I’ve taken photos of everything, including some of the pottery. I’ll have to really look at them at greater length and match them up with some of the collectors I know. I would say that it should be a few hundred thousand dollars to Andi. At least for starters...”
“What…?!” Allie and Jill spoke simultaneously.
Bob inched his glasses up a bit on his nose and again turned to gaze at me.
“I have never seen such work out of someone so young before.”
”I am truly stunned.”
“Several pieces are unusually original in style; particular the more modern themed pieces.” Bob turned toward me. “Your use of space and form is amazing, simply amazing. And the use of color is…well…amazing?”
Bob removed his glasses and, taking a linen handkerchief from his pocket, began to wipe the lenses.
“I hate like hell to use the word, but, some of this work is pure genius.”
Bob exhaled on one lens and began the wiping process again as he stared intently at me. He turned toward Allie and Jill.
“He didn’t hear a single word I said…did he.”
“He’s thinking.” Allie said with a giggle. “Sometimes he gets like that.”
“You need to speak with Allie and me about money…or arrangements…or anything else that involves Andi.” Jill said with a chuckle as she turned to look at me. “Andi is simply not with us; at least at the moment.”
That was so very true. My mind was on the color red. Was it too standout? Spacing out of the world often happens to me. It was my thinking time. I simply let the world slip by, especially when I walked home and I focus my mind on something at hand; usually a project or an idea. Fortunately Allie often took up my slack.
The ladies took Bob upstairs to continue talking about the showing whilst I tormented myself with coloration. I wondered if Mr. Scoville had a favorite color. That would be the one thing I had to be sure to ask Susan when we met.
That evening in bed Allie simply couldn’t contain her excitement. As she sat upon me beneath the covers, bent over and caressing my face, her smile was so very radiant as she spoke of the showing and what Bob had planned. Art as a living was one thing, but art as a business was a complete mystery to me. In spite of my success at the first showing and the critical reviews that followed, I couldn’t understand why anyone would pay the kind of money Bob was speaking about for something I did.
We made love that night with Allie taking the lead…as usual. But this was different then our sexual activities in the past. There wasn’t that frantic frenetic feel to it. I understood this to be due to the fact that Allie was now pregnant and her very basic desire, being fulfilled, was sated. That night she did say something that puzzled me greatly…though not for very long.
“You know…” Allie lilted and grinned as once again she rested in my arms. “Now that this baby thing is in the works, so to speak, we can really have some fun.”
Will Bob's show cause Andi to leave his job? Is Allie busy charging the batteries on her power tools? If the baby is a boy...will they name him Sue? Will Susan have Andi for dinner? Or will she have Andi for dinner! And, foremost in all our hearts and minds, will Froggy plunk his magic twanger??? For the answers to these pervasive and penetrating questions be sure to catch the next privately funded chapter of ‘Andi and Allie’!!!
Andi and Allie Chapter 22
“If you look as we do, walk, talk, and squawk as we do…”
Friday couldn’t come quickly enough for me. Every day and evening I toiled and tortured myself over the final drawings. Finally, late Thursday evening, I put everything into my portfolio and brought it upstairs. I would spend only an hour at the most in the office before leaving for the salon and to get dressed for my lunch date with Susan.
“Oh my God… You still work here?” Rhona said with a smile and a chuckle as I walked in.
“Well… For the moment anyway...” I nervously giggled. “At least until Peter sees the work.”
“Oh come on sweet heart…” Rhona snickered. “He’s in love with you.”
I removed my coat and poured my usual cup of coffee. Our impending blessed event was still a secret but I had other little tidbits to share with Rhona until Peter arrived. Of course the showing was now looming large in my mind. I had a chance to absorb what Bob had said.
Rhona was very excited of course…
…and wanted to have every little detail. I told her as much as I could and was on the verge of elaborating on a point when Peter came through the door. He never failed to shake his head and smile when he observed the two of us busily chatting away. His eyes went directly to my large portfolio case leaning against the wall.
“Okay my dear…” I did so love his little terms of endearment. “I’ll grab the portfolio and you grab our coffees.”
He took the case and walked down toward his office. I fixed his coffee, grabbed mine, and followed along. Peter already had the home division renderings out and upon his easels when I entered. I placed his coffee on his desk and stood silently letting him take them in and hoping he liked what he saw.
“What are these?”
Peter turned and looked at me with his brows arched in surprise.
“Just an idea…a little something extra…” I giggled nervously. “I thought that since Susan’s face could be on the household items, maybe her father’s face should be on some of the industrial things like the hand tools?”
Peter stared at me for a moment but I recognized that look of being somewhere else for the moment; thinking. After a moment or two he nodded his head and turned back to look over the work again.
“And the new box designs?” Peter asked with eyebrows arched as he looked at the sketches.
.
“I sent them to the printing department. You should have the a dozen of each sheet in cardboard later this morning.”
“Okay… Good…” Peter turned to me after the longest moment of looking at my work again. “I like what you have here.” He turned his head back to the drawings quickly for a moment again. “But…” He held up his index finger and gazed into my eyes intently. “…he would never wear a red shirt.”
“What…? Why not…?”
“I have rarely seen a worker in a red shirt. They go for denim…you know those blue chambray shirts? Make the shirt that color blue and the denim type of cut. Also, roll up the sleeves.”
“What…? How do you know that they do the roll up thing?” I was clue…less… Again…!
“It’s quite obvious that you’ve never looked at construction workers on the street.” Peter laughed and blushed cardinal red. “That’s one of my favorite past times when I’m walking around town. I particularly find the younger ones more…interesting?”
Once I knew that Peter was satisfied with my work, save the chambray shirt, I grabbed the sketches and I rush out of the office and down to the salon. They were just opening up as I came to the door. Even though the hour was early, I really didn’t have enough time. We got right to work and within an hour or so my hair was trimmed and my nails done.
I rushed home to take a quick shower. I hated the itchiness of all those tiny hairs on my back and neck that somehow always seemed to elude the second shampoo and the blow drier. I had only just wrapped a towel around myself and went to the mirror to begin to think about my face when my cell phone erupted in tones.
“Hello Andi darling… It’s Susan.”
“Hi Susan… Is everything alright?”
I was torn between having the lunch cancelled and having it on time; less than an hour from now.
“No…everything is terrible!”
She said as I held my breath. “I want to go out and play and all of these adults in dull grey flannel suits keep coming up with little diversions to keep me busy.” Susan spoke in a faux whiny voice that caused me to giggle. “Let’s meet at one thirty. I know this divine little French bistro on Fifty-Sixth Street. It’s not far from the office and the food is truly amazing.”
“Oh that will be wonderful. To be perfectly honest, I’m really running a little behind anyway.”
“Okay then… We’ll meet there. I’ll text you the address.”
“Thanks Susan… See you in a bit.”
I was thrilled. I got a short reprieve; just long enough to do the essentials. I began to exfoliate my lips as I thought about my outfit for the lunch. Of course not going to a private club put my fashion slut back into the proverbial closet. I would be seen by the masses…so to speak. And I did want to look at least modestly professional.
Of course my wardrobe was really based upon work and everything was kind of preppy? I definitely needed to go shopping with Allie. I found this lovely silk print blouse in a cream color and I would need to go with a grey lightweight wool skirt and a blue blazer. For sure I wouldn’t be quite as fashionable as I would have loved to be but I would certainly be business-like.
I went with my usual day time cosmetics; a touch of concealer, for some reason I’d begun to develop zits, mascara, and a berry pink lip stain. I dressed, ran my brush through my hair, and rushed out of the bathroom to put on a pair of cordovan low heeled pumps. On last look in the mirror and I was off to the door to grab my coat and bag.
The cab ride uptown was blessedly short. I arrived outside the restaurant just at the appointed time. After paying the fair, I gazed at the small establishment for a moment. This was literally around the block from where Allie worked. Whenever I was in the area the thought always occurred that perhaps I would surprise her.
I entered the restaurant to the assault of the most delightful aromas imaginable. The maître de stood by his small podium and smiled graciously. With a rather thick French accent he greeted me and asked if I had a reservation. I explained that I was meeting someone for lunch. He inquired if that person perhaps had a reservation. I gave him the name. He didn’t even bother to look at his list.
“Ahhh… Mais oui...” His smile became even broader. “She is one of our favorite quests.”
He stepped away from his podium and, with a sweep of his arm, gestured for me to follow him.
I was led through the small restaurant to the rear corner where a deep rich looking wood and frosted glass partition stood. The glass was etched with vines, tiny flowers and bunches of grapes. Behind the partition was a table for four with only two place settings. Fresh cut flowers in a fine crystal fluted holder provided a just the right burst of color.
Amidst the elegance of the place settings and the crystal and all sat Susan. Her smile was delicious and she stood to greet me with a kiss on each cheek and a slightly more lingering one on my lips. We clutched hands as she gushed her greeting.
“Andi dear… You look wonderful.” She spoke in her throatiest alto. “If I didn’t know any better, I would swear you were…in love…or pregnant?” She chuckled.
I nearly fell over!
“Well…” I rolled my eyes and ground my teeth.
“Oh… You do have news…don’t you.” Susan snickered as her face lit up. “Do sit and tell me everything.”
The maître de held out my chair and the waiter held Susan’s. Susan immediately put in a wine order which was fine with me. I was going to need a glass or two for this session. I had to start off with the biggest news…or at least the latest.
“I’m having a showing and the dealer told me I should give up my ‘day job’?”
“Really…!” Susan spoke the word quite breathily and leaned in a bit closer with a concerned look upon her face.
“Are you going to?”
“No… I kind of like it where I am? And anyway, it’s kind of like doing commissioned work.” I giggled. “If I do back off a bit I can hopefully do consulting work.” I placed my hand atop Susan’s. “After all, I do so enjoy the clients.”
“Good…!” Susan laughed. “I do so enjoy my…outsource people?”
I went on to tell her that this was going to be a very important show for me and I went on to describe some of the new things I was doing. Susan was all ears as she seemed to take in every word.
“Oh…but you simply must send me the information. Perhaps I can even stop by for a…pre-showing?”
“I think that Bob Preston has the rights to just about everything…but sure! I’d love to have you come and look.”
“So…” A wry smile suddenly appeared on Susan’s face and her eyes narrowed. “Obviously you’re not pregnant; then who is? I mean you do have that look.”
How could she ever guess? And I have that…look?
“Oh God Susan…the entire thing is so strange…and wonderful.”
“I thought…” Susan leaned in even closer. “…that with the way you and Peter were looking at one another, you two would have been a couple by now.”
“I know…I know… And I still find him…maybe too attractive?”
“Who wouldn’t?” Susan chuckled. “But is it him…or his cock that attracts you?” Though Susan’s language shocked me, she did have a good point. “Never mind… So… Who’s the lucky woman?”
“My roommate…? I mean it just kind of happened?”
“Ohhh…? Really...? ‘It just kind of happened’?” Susan chuckled again. “It’s funny how those things do. I do remember you speaking about her. I would guess she a very nice woman; very femme as I recall you saying.”
“I mean she’s been kind of my muse? I paint and draw her quite frequently.”
I was so excited even speaking about Allie’s…delicate condition?
“Ahhh…” Susan nodded and smiled knowingly. “A muse is one thing…
But really Andi dear… Pregnant…?”
“These things simply don’t ‘just happen’.” Susan chuckled. “How did you two finally get together?”
“Well…it was New Year’s Eve and we were at a party at Peter’s house. And sometime during the party it kind of struck me…us…that we were really quite attracted to one another. I’ve always found women to be far more attractive than men but not in a sexual way. This was the first time I found Allie to be…well…more than simply physically and spiritually attractive and I truly wanted to feel…to be…closer to her?”
Susan nodded her head and chuckled. I could see from the twinkle in her eye that something I said connected. Susan took a deep breath and let it out slowly; almost in an exasperated manner.
“Pity… Well… If she ever tires of you do be good and let me know.” Susan, with a slightly lewd twinkling in her eyes, laughed. “I think we may just enjoy each other’s company.”
“Oh…! Oh…!”
I suddenly became even more excited and nearly began to bounce up and down in my chair. My hands fluttered as I asked the question of the day; at least for me. Susan grinned chuckled at my expression.
“What ever became of...” Oh my God… I’d forgotten his name. “…of what’s his name…your husband?”
“Ohhh…” Susan laughed. “That ‘what’s his name’. Well…I paid him off and he simply went away.”
I sat there opened mouthed. I couldn’t believe it was that easy to just rid oneself of a mate.
“Don’t look so shocked sweet heart.” Susan smiled sweetly. “He had become a bigger pain in the ass than he was worth. My father hated him…and his ‘born again’ whatever. And other than his…adequate stud services…he was basically worthless. Anyway…” Susan looked down at her hands for a moment and then took a sip of her wine. “I find women much more to my tastes these days.”
I giggled with her. I guess it’s sort of catching?
“I’m going to be moving into the city. That should make…” Susan’s eyes rolled up and she looked to her side. “…hunting a bit easier?” She chuckled again.
“Do you have a place yet?”
“No… I’ve only started looking yesterday.”
“If you’d like…we have plenty of room till you find a place. And we are very child friendly?”
“Why…” Susan extended her hand to cover mine. “…that is so very kind of you.” She smiled warmly. “I’m staying with a woman friend uptown who also has little ones and a stay at home wife…or sorts. In fact she’s very much like you dear; the wife that is.”
A woman with a stay at home wife…? Susan leaned in again as if confiding some great truth.
“I must meet your Allie…is it? You’d make the perfect stay at home wife for her.” Susan chuckled.
“I couldn’t.” I was a bit stunned at the thought. “I mean… I have my art. I couldn’t give that up.”
“Dear girl…” Susan suddenly put her hand in front of her mouth and giggled. “I mean Andi… You know, we really must do something about this business of what gender to refer to you as. It does become so very confusing at times. Anyway, who said that you’d need to give up art; especially if you earn good money at it? That’s why God, in HER infinite wisdom, created hired help. I believe that the only thing the wife needs do is wet nurse…and of course nurture.”
Oh…my God…that was more than a lot to digest. But Susan was right. People were having trouble in their casual conversations with me. Do they call me ‘he’ or ‘she’? Certainly my manner of dress and comportment would lead anyone to address me as ‘Ms.’, or Miss, or even Mrs?
“Poor dear… I’ve given you too much to think about?” Susan’s expression was pained. “My friend’s wife had the same problem that you currently have. She still has her…’boy bits’…? But if you’re going to look as we do, walk, talk, and squawk as we do, and even use the same facilities as we do, you simply can’t insult us by insisting to be called ‘he’…can you.”
“No… But…” Now the pained expression was mine.
“There are no ‘buts’ sweet heart. You can no longer simply sit on the cusp and project one thing yet insist upon being another. Now nobody says you need to lose the boy junk. But you must decide which side of the fence you prefer. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t see a man at this table. Oh…by the way, do try these. The flavor is divine. By the way… How was your last visit with dear Edith?”
I hadn’t even noticed that food had arrived. I was so caught up in what Susan had to say and, I must admit, she made a lot of sense. Oh my God…I didn’t even remember ordering anything. Susan was kind enough to serve me several different things.
“Edith…?”
“Yes… Doctor Gotlieb…? She really is quite renowned in her field.”
“Oh… Yes… She was a bit curt but she really seemed interested in me. She wanted to see my hands?”
The waiter brought over two more exquisitely aromatic and visually pleasing dishes.
“I thought rather than order a regular meal, there are a number of tasty tidbits that are not on the menu but the house makes them for special customers.” Susan chuckled and her eyes flashed. “Well yes…” Susan grasped my hand and gazed at it. “You do have such long and delicate fingers. I do love the nail color you use by the way.”
“Thank you…” I giggled. “It was a difficult chose.”
“It would be for someone so sensitive to color.” Susan smiled. “So… Tell me… How does your Allie perceive you…gender wise?”
“Well…” I giggled between a bite of a delicious stuffed mushroom. “She thinks I’m a lesbian in a boy suit?”
“How very perceptive of her…” Susan chuckled. “I’m beginning to like her even more.”
“By the way… I have to tell you that you look absolutely amazing. I haven’t seen you in some time and the difference is…well…” I giggled. “…nothing short of amazing. Motherhood really seems to agree with you.”
“Why thank you sweet heart. What a very lovely thing to say.” Susan’s face lit up and a carnelian blush came to her cheeks. “I must admit it is wonderful to be able to get back into more…stylish things?”
“This is wonderful.” I took another bite of the stuffed Portobello. “I wish I knew how they made the stuffing.”
“You do the cooking?” Susan glanced up from her plate.
“We share. And we do dine out quite a bit; although that might change now.”
“Will you two get married? It seems to be the latest craze…aside from divorce.” Susan laughed and sipped her wine.
“We haven’t spoken about that…yet? I really don’t know.”
“Would you think of taking her name? What do you use professionally anyway?”
“I simply use Andi.” Hmmm… Andi Morris…?
“Whatever are you thinking? I can see that look on your face.” Susan’s eyes narrowed.
Susan smiled wryly. She could have such a devilish look on her face and yet it was an endearing look…on her.
“What would I call myself…Mrs. Alison Mallory Morris?”
“I know that name…Mallory Morris. Hmmm….”
“Or Andi Mallory Morris…? Andi Morris is kind of plain; don’t you think?” I giggled.
I would never have considered taking her name, or even the possibility of marriage for that matter, if Susan hadn’t brought it up.
“I’m partial to Andrea Mallory Morris. It has panache.”
I stared at Susan for a moment. She was busily munching on a piece of crepe that was absolutely superb. Susan was serious. Hmmm… Andrea… I had thought of it a while ago but I settled on Andi, that being androgynous.
“If I use ‘Andrea’, it’ll give my biographical sketch…a gender.”
“Oh darling…” Susan looked up from her plate and smiled sadly. “We all have genders and it’s usually decided at birth. If you have a cock…you’re a boy. And if you are blessed with ‘indoor plumbing…you’re a girl; end of story. And if you’re not happy with what you’ve been dealt, you can change it. Now your case is different. It’s really more of a style issue; right?”
“Yeah… I guess…”
I never thought of ‘it’ as simply a style issue. ‘It’ was more a performance art issue?
“So…? Just go with it. And if Time Magazine wants to do a profile on you…tell them whatever you want. It will not make any difference by then.” Susan laughed. “But you should come to some sort of decision. Perhaps your…Allie…might be of some help.”
“Yeah… Well… I have that meeting on Monday and everyone is expecting Andrew to show up. Even if I wanted to put on a man’s suit, I don’t own one.”
Something just made me tear up suddenly. I didn’t know why this happened to me so frequently. Susan reached over and grasped my hand. Her smile was so…motherly?
“Listen honey… The only ones you need to worry about are my father and me. And I already told him about you.”
“Oh my God… What did he say?”
Now I was verging on panic. Susan put down her fork, took a sip of her wine, and chuckled.
“Dear old daddy… He said, and I quote; ‘I don’t care if he has four tits and a twelve inch cock as long as he makes us money. Though it would help if his tits were big...’ My father is fairly reasonable…for a man.” Susan laughed. She reached over and took my hand in hers. “Why are you so uptight about Monday?”
I shrugged my shoulders but I guess my panicked expression was a bit of a giveaway
“I wasn’t really so worried about the meeting. But Peter seemed a bit concerned how my…”
“Your persona…?” Susan chuckled.
“Yeah…” I giggled. “I guess the account executives are kind of straight? And he didn’t want to cause me any trouble.”
“You’re sure he’s not worried about his job?” Susan raised one eye brow in skepticism.
“Oh no…not at all… He’s really good at his job and really likes what he does? And he really doesn’t need to work. But if they made him change to something else, like the television thing, he said he’d quit. He likes the arts and, unfortunately, this is as close as he can get to being an artist…I guess.”
“Did Peter ask you to arrange our meeting?”
I loved her wry, sly smile.
“Yes… He did.”
“Was there anything specific he wanted to know…or you for that matter?”
“Well…” I kind of rolled my eyes and smiled. “I think there was…but I’ve forgotten?” I smiled and laughed. “I have such a poor memory for such things these days. Anyway, having any time with you is such a treat for me that asking about business seems…”
I was at a loss for the right word.
“Mercenary…?” Susan chuckled.
“Yeah… Maybe a little…?”
“Well…you shouldn’t ever feel bad about asking me about our business together. I really do enjoy your company and if the real world must intrude for a moment or two…so be it. But I do appreciate your honesty more than anything; and your freshness.”
I blushed puce and smiled. I was very flattered. Susan was nearly old enough to be my mother and she thought I was…fun to be with?
“I really enjoy being with you. I kind of think of us as being…friends? You are very real and I do like that fact. It makes being me easier, you know?” It was the truth.
“Well…” Susan spoke quite breathily as she poured me yet another glass of wine. “That’s exactly what I do like about you. I am so tired of all the ‘yes’ people around me.” There was a hint of anger in her voice.
“Can I ask you something that might seem…a bit weird?”
“No…!”
Susan spoke quite curtly and with a very serious expression on her face. Then she broke out into laughter.
“Of course you can. You can ask me anything sweet heart. After all, you’re like one of my children; I’ve even breast fed you.” She continued to chuckle and I blushed a shade of vermillion.
“Well…” I took a sip of my wine. “Do you think my nose is too big?”
“What…? You must be joking.” Susan looked at me in amazement. “Okay… So it’s a bit…” She hesitated for a moment. “…classical? But it definitely isn’t unsightly.”
Susan reached across the table and gently took my chin in her hand. She slowly turned my head and examined my dreaded proboscis carefully.
“In fact you are quite beautiful…nose and all. You’ve seemed to have found a way to accent it to your distinct advantage. I wouldn’t do a thing to change it if it was on my face.”
I searched Susan’s face briefly for any hint of…kindness toward my…horrid projection? But I could find none. She was, as usual, quite honest. If Susan thought my feature to be interesting and worth keeping as is, then I would have to agree.
We sat and talked through several more specialties and another glass of wine. I found Susan so easy to speak to. She was kind of like the mother I never had coupled with the older sister I never had. I must admit that Allie was, in many ways, kind of like a sister. But Susan had wisdom far beyond her years and the ability to impart her wisdom in a no nonsense manner.
Before either of us knew it, the waiters were preparing the tables for dinner. We had gotten so lost in talk that time simply didn’t exist.
“Oh dear Lord…” Susan looked at her watch. “It’s nearly four. Let me give you a ride downtown.”
“Oh that’s really not necessary.” I giggled. “It’s way out of your way.”
“Nonsense…! Anyway, I may sober up enough to give your art works a reasonable viewing and my car should be outside in a moment.” Susan turned to me as the waiter presented the check. “That is if it’s alright with you and your significant other.”
I nodded and instantly texted Allie. I couldn’t for see any problems but I wanted to be sure. Anyway, I never did anything out of the ordinary without first consulting her. I noticed Susan smiling as I whizzed away at the keys of my phone. She was smiling her knowing smile.
“It’s really too bad you’re already taken. I would have snapped you up that very first night had I known you liked women. I honestly thought you would wind up in Peter’s bed.” She laughed. “But taken is taken and who am I to undo what appears to be a very beneficial relationship. I see your Allie does appear to have you reasonably well trained.” Susan chuckled.
I had to agree with her. But her ‘training’ was definitely with a velvet gloved hand and I was more than a willing student. A large Rolls Royce pulled up to the curb after only a few moments. The driver got out and came around to open up the rear door for us. He was a huge man dwarfing us both and, although he didn’t look all too friendly; he did seem to smile warmly at Susan. Just as he closed the door behind us I received a text back from Allie.
“I assume all is in order and that I may invade your privacy?” Susan said with a chuckle.
I handed the phone to her with a giggle. Allie had texted; ‘OK… Make sure she keeps her hands off of you…you’re already taken!’ This caused Susan to laugh; especially since there was a smiley face at the message’s end.
.
“Smart girl...”
“Oh my God…I wasn’t to tell anyone about her being pregnant.” I turned to Susan with pleading eyes. “She’ll kill me.”
“Sweet heart, what’s said between us will always remain between us. Those are the rules, okay?”
The ride downtown seemed to take no time at all. Susan and I chatted away about nothing and everything. I adored her very wicked sense of humor. When we did finally arrive at my home, the driver got out curbside and opened the rear door to assist us. I always took a moment or two to gather all my belongings regardless of how meager they might be.
He offered his rather large hand to me and I stepped onto the curb. Then, being a step ahead of us, he offered his hand to take my keys and open my front door for us. I definitely needed one of these guys. Someday… Maybe…
I took Susan to the top floor so that we might deposit our coats and bags. Then we went down to the studio. Susan was surprised that we took over the floor exclusively for our art. I explained that our work, mine in particular, was getting larger in size and there was no way possible to paint in the small space of my room.
I let Susan wander at her will and followed with enough discrete distance to give her ‘private’ space. When she had a question I would quickly take the two or three steps toward her and quietly answer her as best I could. I spoke softly to not break the feeling of viewing the works privately.
Eventually Allie arrived and, seeing the coat and hand bag upstairs, assumed that we were in the studio. She joined us just as Susan had finished viewing our work. They greeted one another quite warmly with Susan adding a compliment…sort of…and an admonition.
“Allie dear…you look wonderful. Obviously this co-habitation thing is agreeing with you. And you seem to have Andi so well trained.” She chuckled as she cast her gaze at me.
I simple blushed sundown red.
“You’d better be careful or someone like me is likely to steal…her…away.” Susan chuckled.
“Oh… I think I have my hooks in Andi fairly securely.” Allie giggled and quickly changed the subject. “So…” Allie turned looking down toward the studio’s main space. “…what do you think?” Allie waved her arms toward the various paintings, drawings, and such.
“I think they’re wonderful…amazing actually.” Susan spoke almost as if distracted. She suddenly turned to Allie with an inquisitive look on her face. “Are you related to ‘those’ Morris'…the ones who seem to want to join everything?”
“Do I lose points for a correct answer?” Allie laughed but there was a bitter edge to her smile. “I’m guilty as charged.” She turned to me and I took her hand and smiled reassuringly.
“Do they know about you two?” Susan’s gaze became serious.
“They think Andi and I are lesbians.” Allie’s face became tomato red with anger. “They didn’t come to our show. I really don’t speak with them often.”
“I see.” Susan looked back at the works. “There are several pieces I would be interested in.” Turning toward me and smiled wryly as she continued. “…if the price is right.”
“Technically most of them are claimed by Bob Preston? But I’m sure he would give you a good price if sold ahead of the showing; although he may want to exhibit them as sold.” Allie never ceased to amaze me with her knowledge of the art business. “But Andi is always working on things and you are more than welcome to stop by whenever you like.”
“Do you have your own resources or do you depend upon the generosity of ‘mommy and daddy’?” What an odd, and I must say, tasteless, question for Susan to ask.
“My grandfather was sure to see that we each were provided for.” I could tell from the tone of Allie’s voice that she was more than a little put off. “But I do work for a living.”
“Why?” Susan smiled broadly.
I didn’t understand where she was going with this…this interrogation?
“Because I want to live on the money I earn so that I never forget that most of the world can’t. Much of the income from my account goes to various charities.”
This is something I hadn’t known about Allie. I mean we never talked about ‘her’ money. It was usually ‘our’ money? And it was our money in the joint bank account. I never thought of her having another account. I always knew she had this intense streak of charity in her. She could never pass anyone collecting for anything without searching for some change or a dollar bill.
“Indeed…!”
Susan seemed very pleasantly surprised. She took both of Allie’s hands in her own and beamed radiantly at her.
“We really must have lunch or dinner soon. I know a group of women that think the same way as you and I believe you might want to meet them.”
“I… I…” Allie was taken aback by the change in Susan’s demeanor.
“And…” Susan smiled wryly again, arching one brow upward. “I promise this will drive your mother crazy. I believe she was rejected by the group years ago.” Susan chuckled. “Plus which this divine and very attentive creature…” Susan gazed briefly at me. “…will then be safe from my clutches.” Susan laughed.
“Oh… Okay… That sounds like fun.” Allie laughed as well.
“Now, unfortunately, I really must get home to my little ones. In spite of my usual daily grind, I do try my hardest to be a mother.” Susan laughed.
Will Andi finally chose a pronoun? Will Susan train Allie to train Andi? Will Allie finally strap on her 'pistol'? Will Allie's gun be loaded and with what? Who ordered the case of KY jelly? Will somebody please change the damn kitty litter? Oh... My bad... No kitty...! To find out the startling naked slippery truth...be sure to read the next chapter in the adventures of 'Andi and Allie'!!!
Andie and Allie Chapter 23
“My God…!!! It’s full of starZ!!!”
Monday loomed large over the weekend. Allie and I had a lot to speak about. We had broached the subject of my ‘official’ gender before but the discussion with Susan brought the subject to the fore front again.
Allie, sweet and compassionate as she is, treaded gently. Her main contention was quite similar to Susan’s; “If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.”
It came down to whether my mode of dress, behavior, and everything else…not to mention my ever growing boobs…were more important than my boy bits connoting my gender as a male. It made no difference to Allie. She felt how she felt because of who I am and not how I dressed.
Though she rarely thought of me as a male, there were those occasions in bed. And even then it was not one’s usual romp and stomp sort of thing. She often referred to us as lesbian lovers with a small…no pun intended…difference.
But it was an honesty thing with me. I couldn’t say what I wasn’t and, to be truthful, nobody seemed to care; at least not yet. Perhaps it was the tiny world I inhabited. Perhaps it was the quality of the people who knew me; and who I knew. But Monday I was going to come face to face with the world. I wasn’t worried about the Scovilles. It was the corporate executives who made me nervous.
Certainly an employee in transition, especially with all the proper medical notes, or whatever, couldn’t lose their job on that basis, could they? I was more than productive enough to not justify firing. And anyway, this was the first time they would have seen me since I was employed so many months ago.
By late Sunday evening I had decided to accept the gender change thing, at least on paper. I had no idea where to begin or even what was needed. It was Allie who finally caused me to change my mind and embrace, at least with a strong partial heart, this change. And it wasn’t with her words per say, but with her deeds.
I was standing at the basin in the kitchen cleaning some cookware we’d used for our dinner. I was comfortably dressed in only my panty, sleeping tee shirt, and my moccasins when Allie walked into the kitchen.
“Do you trust her?” Allie said as she walked up behind me and embraced me around my waist.
“Who…” I began to turn to reciprocate but she stopped me.
“Concentrate on what you’re doing sweet heart. Susan… Do you trust her?” She softly kissed the back of my neck.
“Well…? Yes…”
What an odd question I thought.
“As much as me…?” Allie hugged me a bit tighter.
Could this be jealousy? I tried to turn again and again Allie stopped me.
“Finish what you’re doing baby doll.”
“There’s nobody I trust as much as you. Why do you ask?”
“Well… Because she seems to want to become closer to me? And I wanted to have your opinion of her. I mean she was asking sort of very personal questions. And then there was that thing about ‘lunch at the club’? What was that all about?”
“I really don’t know? But I do know that she can be painfully honest and I believe that she means what she says.”
“Good…”
Allie’s hands suddenly went beneath my tee and she gently caressed my boobs; especially my nipples. “Because I am going to take her advice.”
I barely heard Allie. My head dropped down as I luxuriated in the sensations I was feeling.
“You are definitely in need of some more…training.” Allie giggled.
I threw my head up and back as Allie suddenly moved one hand down inside my panty and cupped my entire ‘boy bits’ in her warm palm.
“You know…I really like the idea of having a stay at home wife.”
I had to hold onto the edge of the basin. Allie’s ministrations were making me so light headed and…well…so…horny? I could feel Allie’s breasts against my back. She was wearing her silk robe and yet I could still feel her erect nipples through the thin cloth.
“Do you think that means I get jura maritis?”
"Huh...?" ???
"Husband's rights...?" Allie smiled wryly.
She reached down and around with her other hand to caress my butt cheeks; paying special attention to the cleft between them. At the same time Allie latched onto my ear lobe and gently tugged and nibbled on it.
“Maybe fuck you where ever I please...whenever I please?”
I was so intoxicated by Allie’s actions that not only was I vaguely hearing her in delayed time but my legs were beginning to tremble. She had never been this aggressive before. Maybe it was the baby thing and all of those hormones? I certainly knew about the hormone thingy. She removed her hand from my panty, drawing the waist band down beneath my butt cheeks. Her other hand never stopped caressing and gently squeezing my dick and gnads.
“You know honey…? Like maybe just bending you over the dining table…? Or over the arm of the couch…?”
Allie suddenly shoved two lubricated fingers up my butt hole as she squeezed my dick and rubbed its head with her thumb.
“OHMYGOD…!!!” I yelped.
“Or even over the sink…?”
Allie giggled as I squealed and arose onto my toes. My entire body screamed out as she felt around inside me for that magic spot.
“OH MY GOD…!”
I shouted again as she found it…my ‘G’ spot…and with a vengeance. I was beginning to leak onto her fingers and Allie was taking advantage by rubbing it all around the head of my dick with her thumb.
"Ohhh... You're so wet." She snickered.
Allie then began to withdraw her two fingers slowly and then thrust them back in to strike my prostate and press into it. She continued to do this as her mouth kissed and licked up and down my neck.
“You’d like me to fuck you…wouldn’t you?”
She words were heavily whispered into my ear followed by her tongue tracing along the inside.
“Yesss…” I breathlessly hissed, mindlessly muttered, and silently screamed.
I was completely out of control. My mind ceased to function. I was one giant sensatory receptor. I was completely in Allie's command and under her control. She was a master musician playing her violin to a sonata yet to be completed.
Then, quite unexpectedly, Allie swiftly removed her two fingers. My eyes were closed and my mouth slightly opened. I had trouble catching my breath. I vaguely felt her fumbling with something behind me. Then I felt it; something bump against me butt. With her deft hand Allie spread my cheeks and I felt what had to be a dildo or something pressed up against my butt hole.
I was so lost in a whirlpool of sensations that, although on some level I knew what was coming, I never expected what she would do next. Slowly but relentlessly Allie forced the head of the thing into me. It definitely was larger than her two fingers but the head popped in with little pain. She continued to slowly work it up and into me. It seemed to be ridged because I continued to feel a forced widening and slight narrowing of my butt hole until I felt her flesh against mine.
The feeling was electrifying as Allie slowly pulled out and then, just before the head popped back out, she thrust her body against me shoving it back in. I could barely breathe as I threw my head back as far as I could and thrust my butt out to meet each of her movements in. With her free hand she pulled my head to the side and kissed me with more passion then I had ever felt from her before.
“Ohhh… Ohhh… Ohhh… Miiieee… God…”
The sensation was beyond anything I’d ever felt as Allie began to pump into me harder.
“I knew it! I knew it! You’re nothing but a little cock whore…aren’t you.” She hissed in my ear. “You’re my little cock whore.” She laughed. “God you are so femme.”
Allie’s hand never left my dick and gnads. She continued to just barely massage the head of my dick almost to the rhythm of her thrusting. She stimulated me way more than enough to keep me reaching new highs of sensation, but not enough to have me orgasm. I once again felt her free hand behind me.
“Yikes…!” She suddenly squealed.
“Yeeeiiieee…!” I suddenly squealed.
The entire device began to violently vibrate sending shock waves of immeasurable pleasure through me, and through Allie’s vagina.
“Ohhh… My God… This is so intense.” Allie yelled as she increased the force of her thrusting.
“OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod…”
I kept repeating this mantra as Allie’s hand went back to my boobs and she began to tug and squeeze my nipples again; first one and then the other as she slammed her hips, and the vibrating thing into me. The upper portion of my body, seemingly detached from the other parts of me, slumped forward and down into the basin. This thrust my bottom out even further to meet her thrusts. I had forgotten just how amazing a cock could make me feel…when properly, though extremely rarely ever, applied.
We both began this simultaneous rhythmic dance that intensified by the moment. Allie’s hand suddenly gripped my hip and pulled and pushed me with her thrusting as I became completely lost to everything around me. My body was no longer mine. It now belonged to Allie who was intensely playing with it as I'd never envisioned anyone ever doing.
Allie suddenly began to moan and squeal louder and louder as she hammered into me. And I was building to a crescendo that I’d never experienced before. Her hand came down to join the other in my panty. Now she started to stroke me to the long hard rhythm of her pelvic thrusts.
“OH GOD…!!!” I screamed.
I began to cum. She stroked me through each pulsation. I had never felt anything so powerfully intense in my life. I felt as though everything stopped…time itself had stopped…and my entire being exploded into a million bits of light. I don’t know how I continued to remain standing.
As my consciousness began to return along with my senses, I felt Allie gently stroking my dick to the very slow, and very gentle, thrusting of her hips. My eyes were closed and I was breathing through my opened mouth.
“Did you like that baby?” Allie crooned in my ear as she kissed it. “I think you liked that a whole lot.” She giggled. “Here sweet heart…” Allie leaned over my back and brought her hand up in front of my face. “Would you clean this off for me please?”
She spoke so sweetly that I couldn’t refuse her anything; as if I could anyway. I looked to see a puddle of my sperm in the center of her palm. It’s not like I never tasted myself before so I did as she asked. She giggled as I lapped at her palm and then her fingers.
I suddenly felt so very overwhelmed with emotion. I suppose, in hind sight, that I was strongly taken with Allie’s preparations? I mean that event at the kitchen sink was for me; not her. And I thought of how strongly she must feel for, and about, me. I was about to try and turn but she stopped me and hugged me snugly.
“What’s the matter baby doll? Are you okay?”
I was still too overcome to answer her so I simply nodded my head.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded again. A tear fell from my eye.
“Good…because we’re not done yet.” She giggled.
I felt her fiddling with what turned out to be a strap. Allie then reversed it and fastened the buckle around me. She also fastened the strap that ran from the back around my boy bits, down between my legs, to the other side. She had encased me in the still vibrating device and turned me to face her.
“The best thing about robbing the cradle…” Robbing the cradle? “…is that although the staying time is less, the recovery time is so…much…quicker.”
Allie kissed me as she pulled my hair back giving her full access to my mouth…and neck. She savagely kissed me, her tongue beating mine into submission. When our lips parted she smiled at me and giggled.
"I can taste you. Your spermies..."
She laughed, took my hand, and led me into the cave. I had never experienced the sensation of walking with something up my butt that vibrated like crazy. It was, to say the least, an amazing sensation! Every movement was an experience in sensuality. When we arrived in front of the loveseat, she took me in her arms and hugged me and we kissed.
Allie licked at the remains of my tears of joy and, with a big smile, sat down on the couch with me standing before her. She pulled my panty down the rest of the way and helped me step out of it. Then, putting her hands on my butt cheeks, she pulled me toward her and took my dick into her mouth. I was still a bit sensitive and her delicious mouth, along with the still maddeningly vibrating thing up my butt, proved to be too much…too soon. Way too much…! Way too soon...!
“Please…” I begged with my head thrown back and eyes closed. “It’s too much Allie. The vibrations...”
“Hmmm…?”
Always the lady, Allie never spoke with her mouth full.
I looked down at her beautiful smiling face. I felt her hand fumbling about behind me and the vibrations lessened to being just barely noticeable as she continued her amazing manipulations with her tongue and lips. And, as usual, Allie was right. In five or so minutes I was becoming erect again. And with that happening, I was beginning to feel the vibrations more strongly even though she hadn’t touch a thing behind me.
When I began to thrust into her mouth bit, Allie sat back with a grin and a giggle. She untied her robe’s belt completely and opened it. Then Allie laid down on the loveseat with one foot resting on the back and the other on the floor.
“My turn now baby doll...”
She giggled as I got atop her. Allie helped me position myself and then assisted me in entering her. Oh…my God… She was so warm and wet. Allie then dug her heels into my butt cheeks and pulled me into her as far as I could go. She swiveled her hips up and wrapped her arms around my back.
"Oh God...! You feel so good inside me!"
Allie crooned as I began to thrust into her.
“You look so beautiful.”
That was all I could think to say as I looked into her eyes and I kissed her.
The sensation of thrusting in and out of Allie was amplified by the vibrator in my butt. I would feel it bumping against my prostate and the result was electrifying. But it was nothing compared to what occurred when Allie reached behind me and switched the power up!
“Aaaiiieee…!”
“Oh yesss… Yesss… Yess…”
Allie hissed as she increased her efforts by bucking her hips into me even harder. I had never felt anything as awesomely intense in my life. I felt as though I was being double pumped. Each stroke brought unbelievable waves of pleasure twice; going in and coming out. My entire body was vibrating and electric.
Allie, already quite stimulated when we began, was cumming in wave after wave; each one more intense than the prior one. When I placed my hands upon her delicious butt cheeks, I was amazed at how wet her bottom was. Though we’d been having sex for several months, I had never seen Allie this turned on before; nor had I been.
In spite of cumming only a short while ago, I felt myself rapidly building up to another massive moment. I think that Allie sensed this as well. She suddenly pushed my shoulders up making my hands leave their soppy home on her butt to support myself. She suddenly latched onto my nipples with her fingers and squeezed them quite stoutly.
When I opened my mouth to groan in electric pleasure, she kissed me and literally took my breath away. I came with a new intensity that seemed to continue to peak even as I spurted my seed into her. I don’t know how many spasms I had but I do know that I thought it would never end. We kissed the entire time and when I finally finished cumming into her; I dropped onto her lush perspiration dampened body and tried to catch my breath.
“Wow… That was amazing!” Allie said with a giggle. “Oh my God…! I actually saw stars!”
I was too exhausted and out of breath to speak so I simply nodded my head.
“We have to do this again. Say… In about ten minutes?”
‘What???’ I thought as I flattened even more against her. Allie hugged me and kissed those parts of my face she could reach.
“Please…” I still could barely speak…or breathe for that matter. “…turn it off.”
“Oh… Yeah…”
Allie giggled as she reached down and found the switch. In spite of it being off, I still seemed to feel those intense vibrations not only in my butt, but throughout my body.
Finally, when my dick slipped out of Allie and we recovered our breath, I carefully got up off of her. I handed her several tissues, as was my custom…or…as I was ‘taught’ she would come to say. I began to undo the straps to the vibrator when she told me to wait.
“Wait baby… You like keeping your dick in me after you cum. I want to keep mine in you for a while.” She giggled.
Allie took my hand and led me toward our bedroom…OUR bedroom. I tottered as I walked hand in hand with my love. I felt so…so well used. My entire body seemed to hum and I smiled idiotically. Even today the very thought of us being…well…’us’ gives me goose bumps.
She led me into the bathroom where a tub full of water awaited. Evidently Allie had filled the tub with hot water knowing it would be some time before we would make use of it. I could smell the wonderful aroma of herbal scented oil coming from the water and I could see bits of once dried leaves and flower buds flowing on the water’s still very steamy surface.
Allie took me to the basin. Candles burned on the stone counter top filling the room with warm light. I felt as though I was in a new world; a new cosmic place where my body was weightless and my spirit free and this warm and fragrant room is where that spirit would reside.
“Okay baby, let’s take this off.”
Allie unfastened the straps and gently removed the vibrator from my butt. The sensation was so odd. I was surprised that the thing was so small. It felt enormous inside me. I felt like I had to void myself and yet there was nothing to void. My butt hole failed to immediately close and the air felt strange entering me. I could still feel the tingling of the vibrations. I thought the stars Allie saw flew up my butt!
“Okay… Now go sit on the pot if you feel the need.”
I heeded Allie’s advice and sat for a few moments while she removed the condom covering the vibrator and it clean up. I noticed a nob protrude opposite the vibrator and realized that Allie had her own vibrator on her end of the device.
I finally felt my butt hole close up and, for good measure, I wiped myself. Allie was watching me with a very satisfied look, and smile, upon her face. I got up and walked over to the tub. I stepped into it’s still quite steamy waters and settled back against the porcelain. I closed my eyes as my body screamed out ‘ahhh’.
Allie took her turn on the toilet and soon followed me.
Her tub was overly large and deep.
It was kind of old fashioned with cast iron legs. I rested my elbows on the rim and gently flicked my fingers causing ripples in the water. I looked at my fingers.
“Crappers…” I mumbled.
“What’s wrong baby doll?”
Allie spoke as she settled into the tub at the opposite end. I lifted my feet up and inspected my toes. The deep red nail polish still looked good.
“I should really have gone for a manicure Saturday. My nails look like crap and it would have been nice to have them done for the meeting tomorrow.” I bore a sour expression to reflect my thoughts.
“Oh my God…” Allie exclaimed and chuckled. “You are so totally femme.” She smiled lovingly at me. “You know…? There’s absolutely nothing masculine about you at all.” She said still with that warm smile on her face. But she was quick to add; “Except for one small thing.”
“Thanks…” My face soured just a bit more.
“No silly… That thing is just fine; it’s just the perfect size. You know what I mean.” She laughed.
“I know.” I smiled.
"Making love with you is almost like making love with another woman. And I like that."
"How would you know?" I stared at Allie. This is something I'd never heard before.
"Do you think you're the only one who's sexually fluid?" She snickered wickedly.
We both leaned forward until our lips met for a brief, but loving, kiss. We gazed into one another's eyes as our lips parted again. All I saw in hers is what I felt within me. I did so seriously love her. I stared down into the water and watched a leaf of some sort float by.
“What are you thinking sweet heart? You have that look on your face.”
“I was… Well… You were so…forceful tonight. It kind of scared me a little.” I gazed up into Allie’s eyes.
“Well…” Allie sighed. “I think I like being in control…for a change? I mean I never had any control of my relationships before and that sucked. I was always the one being used. I mean you did like it…right?” She had a worried expression.
“Yeah…” I snickered. “It was an amazing turn on for sure. I never felt anything like that before.”
“And you didn’t seem to mind the idea of being my wife. In a way…it’s just another step further in your…performance art?”
“Well… I suppose.” Why did that keep coming up?
“Anyway… I would never hurt you and I would never let anyone else hurt you.” Allie spoke quite sternly. She smiled lovingly again. “Anything else bothering you baby doll?”
“Well…”
I wasn’t sure of just how to explain something that was more a feeling than anything else.
“You know how sometimes actors get so into their roles that even when the play, or the movie ends, they still remain in character?”
“Yeah…?”
Allie grabbed hold of my feet and began to massage my soles with her thumbs.
“Well…” I took a very deep breath and let it out slowly. “Suppose this role…you know…my ‘performance art’…”
“Your…dressing…?” Allie corrected.
“Well… Okay… My dressing… Suppose that never ends. I mean suppose I remain Andi for the rest of my life. Could you envision that? I mean… Could you live with that?”
I sat up in the tub, watching Allie’s face carefully. I ran my hands down the tops of Allie’s thighs; the oiled water making them feel even smoother and softer than usual. As I did so, my eyes never left hers. I could see she understood exactly what I was trying to say; or ask.
“Honey…” She leaned forward and draped her arms over my shoulders. “I really can’t envision you any other way at this point. In fact…”
She leaned in even closer and kissed my lips.
“I haven’t envisioned you any other way since the first week or two after you moved in. I’ve often thought of you more as my closest girlfriend. But, every so often, I would remember that you aren’t a girl at all, and then I simply though of you as my closest friend period. What I feel for you…? How I feel about you…? It kind of transcends gender…and sexuality?
I smiled and returned the kiss, lingering a bit longer as I draped my arms over her shoulders. She understood perfectly. My feelings toward her were always more about her as a person and her body, her physical being, was always more a personification of that vision?
“You are an artist.” Allie said as she leaned back into the water until it was nearly at her chin. “And I see you, the physical you, as a work of art in progress just like the ‘you’ that’s hidden inside.” I leaned back as well and rested my feet upon her shoulders. “I don’t think either of us knows how this work of art will turn out. But we can have a lot of fun along the way; don’t you think?” She smiled and giggled.
“Yeah…”
I had to agree. Anything was possible.
“But one thing I would like to see…”
“Yeah…?”
“I would like to see these…” Allie began to rub my nipples gently with the pads of her big toes. “…become a bit larger. It would kind of be like you experiencing a little of what pregnancy is like; you know?”
I cringed a bit at her touch. It was a bit heavy and I was just a little achy…and itchy?
As we rested in our bed in our usual position with me snuggled up against her side, my leg thrown over her hips and my head resting just above her breast, my mind was full of what Allie had suggested; and also the implications of what she had said. What she was asking me to do was to increase my hormone intake and reduce my testosterone output.
“I don’t know…”
“You could get implants.”
“What…?!” What?! “I don’t want any plastic in me.”
“No silly…it’s a time release capsule of hormones. I think it’s good for months so you don’t need to take the pills all the time.” Allie giggled. “And maybe get an androgen blocker?” That really opened my eyes.
“But won’t my thingy stop working?”
Now this was definitely a cause for concern since it only started working regularly since Allie and I were…well…procreating…vigorously? I mean jerking off really didn’t count…anymore.
“Well…” Allie lilted in her most appealing voice. “…I think I can guarantee that you’ll have as much fun, if not more, only in a different way; a more femme way. I’ve read that you can have orgasms that are amazing. Anyway… I think you’d really look awesome with just a handful; you know?”
Allie placed her hand upon my boobettes and though her hand didn’t lay flat against my chest, there were certainly was far less than a handful.
She kissed my lips so softly and lovingly.
I silently rested atop Allie thinking about what she said, what Susan said, and what my heart was telling me. I knew, intellectually, that what they…my closest friends…were saying was correct; if you’re going to go…go all the way and go first class.
But I was scared. What very little I’d read made it quite clear that although some of what would occur could be undone, the most important thing, the viability of my dick, might be lost forever.
“Look sweet heart…” Allie always could seem to read my thoughts. She took my hands in hers. “I understand that this is a giant step for you. But I will be there all the way, holding your hand, forever if need be. You’ve always been there for me and I never even had to ask. I will do no less for you. We can freeze your spermies…” I loved it when she spoke in an almost child-like manner. “…for later use. This won’t be our only child.”
“Okay…” I paused for a few moments and then looked up at Allie’s face; into her eyes. “I do trust you and I do love you very much.”
I could feel my tears welling up. God…I was so emotional these days. How would it be when I was on a stronger dosage of ‘mones with a blocker thrown in?
“Speak to Doctor Gotlieb in the morning. She knows a lot more about this kind of thing than we do? And it also sounds like that lawyer might prove useful to expedite things. Okay my darling sweet heart?”
I nodded.
“Oh… And by the way… This…” Allie grasped my dick and gnads in her hand. “…is going nowhere. And I do love you very much.” Allie kissed me and hugged me tightly. “Now ease your mind and let’s get some sleep before I decide I want to fuck your brains out again.” She laughed.
Will Allie get on one knee and propose marriage to Andi? Will Andi recite the marriage vows and become Allie's wife? Will they simply decide to live in sin and have fun instead? With all those stars up Andi's butt, will he develop assteroids??? Will Andi's thingy stop working? Will Allie's thingy stop working? Of course not!!! She bought a ton of "D" cell batteries!!! With so many places in the apartment to do the monkey warble, she'll no doubt need them. Did you water your plants today? To learn more and discover the deepest darkest secrets of the Shaolin priests...continue reading the not for profit saga of 'Andi and Allie'!!!
Andi and Allie Chapter 24
“…are you illusions, or are you really what you seem to be?”
Peter came into the office precisely at nine. I had already had my coffee with Rhona and, although we had a great gossip session regarding one of the artist’s new boyfriends, I told her nothing of my weekend discussions or decisions. I was still very frightened by the entire thing and I didn’t think she could provide any help in alleviating my fears.
I had chosen to wear a relatively new dress with a blazer on top. The dress was a lovely silk and linen blend print with a cream colored field with the print being thin lined swirls of bright primary and secondary colors. A row of bone buttons ran down the front and ended at the hem just below my knees. The collar was simple and repeated the print of the dress. The sleeves were short.
It was a perfect spring dress.
The blazer was navy blue with brass buttons. It was fairly standard with the exception of a bit more room in the breast and a slightly more tapered waist. I wore my pair of cordovan pumps with a two inch heel. Allie loaned me one of her Coach bags for the final ‘preppy’ touch.
Peter looked absolutely delicious in an Italian tailored dark blue pin striped suit. His hand painted red power tie stood out wonderfully against his blinding white silk shirt. That man knew how to dress to impress. And he looked so natural in that kind of attire that one might think he was born in it. He wore sheer Italian hose and Italian black loafers. He was completely manicured with not a single hair out of place.
I don’t know what it is about that man but, in spite of my intimate relationship with Allie, Peter never fails to arouse something deep within me that wants me to dick dive him. And the thing of it is that it’s more than simply a sexual thing. We really seemed to relate on more than one or two levels.
Anyway, we made quite the couple as we headed for the street to hail a cab. Peter had sent the samples up to corporate on Friday so that the account executives could have a look prior to the meeting which was scheduled at ten. The drawings of Mister Scoville were in my portfolio. Peter suggested that I take them with me rather than let the account executive show them. I had to rework them anyway.
We got off on the corner of Fifty-Seventh Street and Fifth Avenue. Peter liked to walk the short distance to corporate because the street was always such a show. It’s probably one of the most fashion conscious areas in the city because so many ‘glamour’ companies had their offices in the area. Everything was kind of top shelf; especially the art galleries. So, people tended to dress to impress. I took Peter’s arm…he always offered…and we strolled.
We arrived in good time and proceeded to the elevators that took us to the thirty-third floor. He knew his way around and smiled at the receptionist as he led me through this new world of chrome, glass, postcard art and more chrome. We finally arrived at the client conference room. It was the only one that had solid non-see-through walls.
Peter opened one of the double wooden doors and allowed me to enter first. Like… I knew this was something he simply did; open doors for women. But it always made me feel special and somehow appreciated. His actions always made me feel protected and safe and I liked that. I liked that a lot; especially in this alien world I was entering.
The meeting room was ornate and solemn.
The walls appeared to be of rosewood, or some other expensive exotic. Brass fixtures of all types accented the darkness of the wood. The long table looked like koa…maybe…very light and highly marbled in multi brown shades. The chairs were high backed with leather padded arms. There were coffee cups and water glasses for six people at one end and two white uniformed catering people were finishing setting up what appeared to be breakfast on a side board.
On the other end of the table were the packaging samples for Susan. Several easels displayed the cardboard sheets used to make the boxing. Several prominent posters displaying the new logo for the household division were displayed opposite. All in all everything looked to be in order. The only thing missing was the new proposed logo for the small tool division; my surprise.
Peter was instantly on the house phone letting the appropriate people know that we had arrived. I removed my blazer and hung in over the back of one of the heavily padded leather conference chairs. I then asked Peter if he’d like coffee. Upon his smiling nod I went and got us both a cup. Just as I was coming back to hand Peter his cup, the door opened and three men walked in. Peter stood up and greeted each one by name.
“So where’s our genius Andrew?” Mr. Helms, the senior vice president of the company, asked whilst looking about for another man.
“Uhhh…” I put my hand to my mouth and cleared my throat. “I’m Andi?”
“Oh… Fine… Good work...”
I could see that he was instantly shocked but he recovered quickly. He peered at me over his glasses with a smile that I think was genuine and he shook my hand delicately; as one would shake a woman’s hand. I smiled warmly back at him.
“So you’re the one who’s responsible for our two new major accounts this year.” He chuckled. “Perhaps we need more…people like you.”
“Well…?” I smiled coyly and rolled my eyes upward. “Peter was very instrumental with our getting the work from both companies.”
The account executive still seemed to be a bit in shock but said nothing as he also shook my hand. His boss, however, was a different story. He kind of looked at me with distain and I swear I thought he was going to wash his hand after shaking mine.
“Andi…” I think his name was Johnson. “Would you please excuse us? We need to speak with Peter for a moment or two.”
He didn’t ask, he virtually ordered me out of the room. I knew exactly what was on his mind; the kissing of my butt goodbye with his rather large winged tipped shoe. It’s so strange that I hadn’t felt any prejudice or plain out hatred about my eccentricity before today; except for that incident with Simms. I suppose that rule of out of sight is out of mind applied. This was the first time any of these people had ever seen me. What could I do?
“I’ll wait by the receptionist.” I spoke calmly and politely and, of course, smiled pleasantly.
I sat in a large black leather armchair that nearly devoured me in its plushness. Scattered about the wood and glass coffee table were a number of trade and business publications. I picked one up and nervously leafed through the pages; aware of the visuals but not bothering with the print.
I don’t know how long I sat waiting but for sure I had gone through a few of the magazines. Every once in a while I would look up at the receptionist and smile. She would, in turn, politely smile back at me. Suddenly the polished stainless steel elevator door opened and out walked Susan and her father. I quickly got up and rushed over to greet them. Susan actually met me half way.
“Andi darling… How are you?” Susan gushed as our lips met in a very brief kiss. She backed a step away whilst still holding my hands. “You look absolutely lovely today.”
Then she turned to the very tall gentleman in a finely tailored English tailored grey glen plaid suit.
“Daddy… This is Andi the creator of our new look.”
“It’s a real pleasure to meet you Mr. Scoville.” I smiled and offered my hand.
“Hmmph…”
Mr. Scoville stared me firmly with his deep blue eyes and I trembled slightly. I thought he was looking right through me. Although he took my hand and shook it firmly, yet gently, he said nothing and did not smile.
“I don’t have a lot of time so let’s get to it.” His voice was quite deep and gruff.
“You have to excuse daddy…” Susan chuckled. “He hates anything that requires him, or anyone else, spending his money…except for me.”
“Well then…” I smiled and giggled. “This way please.”
I waved my arm in a sweeping motion toward the conference room.
Susan linked arms with me as we walked. I stopped and knocked softly on the wood double door. After hearing a ‘yes’, I opened it widely, Mr. Scoville had a good pair of shoulders and I wanted him to have his grand entrance. He waited for me, and then Susan to enter before coming through the doorway. I turned quickly to introduce Peter, who Susan also greeted warmly, Misters Helms and Johnson, and then the account executive whose name I still failed to remember.
I took Peter by the hand and we walked to the far end of the table where the food and the displays were. Knowing that Mister Scoville had little time, or patience, I began with my explanation of what we had done. He pick up every constructed box and thoroughly inspected each. Then he moved on to the new logos displayed on the easel. He turned to no one in particular and spoke.
“Coffee…”
I quickly turned and got a cup off the table. I poured the coffee and looked at Susan. She smiled and mouthed ‘black…no sugar’. I turned and handed it to him. He took a sip, nodded and turned to me. I thought he was going to thank me.
“These are no good.”
Oh…my…God…!!! My heart stopped.
“Sir…?” I looked at him questioningly; glad I had done my bathroom duty sufficiently.
“I like that general idea. But the children are no good.”
‘Okay…why’ I thought to myself but I waited for him.
“It gives the wrong impression. You’re showing a fatherless family. While in some quarters that flies high…in others it does not.” He did have a point. I had to think quickly.
“Well…how about Mother Earth?”
He looked at me for a moment with skepticism. So I explained.
“Suppose the woman is holding a pie form with the world in it?”
I could see him thinking about that. As he was thinking I removed a drawing from my portfolio with his daughter’s image, one with an African American woman, and then a Hispanic woman followed by an Asian woman. He grasped the concept immediately; even more so than what I had envisioned.
“We could run all four logos as a sort of mix and match. That way they will all be on display in all of our outlets.” Mister Scoville smiled and looked at me. “How long for the corrections to the logo to be made…?”
“I can have them for you…” I paused and rolled my eyes upward in thought. “…maybe by Wednesday? I simply have to pulled the figure and add the pie. I show Peter everything I do and it doesn’t leave our hands without his say so.”
Mister Scoville looked at me, back to the drawings, to Peter, and then to his daughter. He just smiled, I think for the first time, and nodded to Susan. Susan, of course was elated. She had just received daddy’s okay on a big project.
“Uhhh… Mister Scoville…? I have one more thing to show you…if you have time?”
He frowned at me, looked at his wrist watch, and looked back at me.
“Make it quick.” He snapped.
I led him down to the other end of the table and, unzipping my portfolio again, brought out the design of the hand tools division.
“I thought you might find this interesting. Peter and I worked on this…gratis.”
I thought I should add that. This man wasn’t going to pay for anything he didn’t order…or totally like. He looked at the drawing for only a moment and a stunned look appeared on his face. Mister Scoville placed his coffee down and pulled out a chair. He sat down and stared at the drawing. I sat next to him on one side and Susan on the other.
“You know…” He said wistfully to nobody in particular. “I thought of doing just this very same sort of thing maybe…” He pursed his lips and gazed upward. “…maybe forty or more years ago.” He turned to look at Susan. “But I got into such a…such an animated discussion with your mother over the color of the shirt that I shelved the entire thing. She thought the shirt should be red.”
“I originally had a red shirt.” I had to giggle. “Peter said that the blue would be much better.”
“Yes… Well… The red must be a woman thing.” He laughed. “Also, the tin hat hasn’t been worn in years. We make a high impact yellow helmet that we…” Oh my God…he said we! “…might want to consider.” He stared at the drawing for a few more minutes. “And you did this on your own initiative?”
“Well…? Yes… Peter and I...” I smiled as graciously as I could.
“Well… I need to think about this. May I hang on to these?” Mister Scoville was suddenly rather…paternal in tone?
“Oh yes…they’re yours. And, just for the heck of it, I’ll do one with the yellow helmet.”
“Thanks.” He put his hand atop mine and patted it lightly. “If you get any more genius ideas, you be sure to let Susan know.” He gazed seriously into my eyes.
“Yes sir…I will.”
“And call me Bill. My father’s name was Mister.” He laughed as he stood up. “And, if you ever find yourself in need of a job…” He turned to look at Peter. “…or you… I assume you come as a set.” He laughed. “I’ll pay you twice what you get here and work you three times as hard.” Mister Scoville shook my hand with both of his. He didn’t have to say anything because it was all in his eyes. “By the way Andi, do you take on commissions? I’ve heard that you are quite an artist.”
“Yes sir…”
“Ah…?” Mister Scoville held up his index finger.
“Yes Bill…” I giggled as I corrected myself. “My orchestra does play requests.”
He laughed as he shook Peter’s hand in a similar fashion. He then turned to Susan and, taking hold of her by her arms, kissed her forehead.
“Good choices baby. It’s all yours now.”
He then quickly shook the other three men’s hands and hurried out the door, my portfolio in hand with the drawings inside. Bill Scoville suddenly became all business again and his business didn’t include spending any more time with us. Now it was Susan’s show.
Mister Helms turned to his vice president of accounts and the account executive. He looked at them with a hard expression on his face.
“Well gentlemen, I think it’s time to let our creative people do your jobs.”
I shuddered at his indictment. He turned to Peter and me.
“Well done…” I think he started to say gentlemen. What a giggle. “…people. I think we need to meet one of these days soon. Perhaps we can find something a bit more…involving for you two. I certainly wouldn’t want to…” He turned to his neon red blushing executives. “…break up a winning team.”
He couldn’t contain his wide grin as he turned to Susan. “Ms. Scoville, if there’s anything at all you need, I guess you know who to contact.”
He shook her hand and chuckled as he turned and left; his two executives following behind rather timidly.
“Well… I see no reason to let all that food go to waste. I’m starving.” Susan laughed as she took our hands and led us back to the food table.
I didn’t get to speak to Susan seriously about my proposed ‘change’, or transition? But I did mention that I needed to speak to her about something personally important. I think she might have known what was on my mind. She told me to call her that evening and we could discuss anything I wished.
On our ride downtown…
...Peter told the gist of the secret conversation.
Evidentially the sales guys wanted me out of the picture. Mister Helms, however, wanted to hear none of that. He figured that if I was making them money, why mess around; especially if the clients didn’t object.
Peter also told me that Mister Helms pulled him aside and asked if he was screwing me. Can you imagine? Peter told him that he wasn’t although the thought had crossed his mind. It seems that Mister Helms knew about Peter’s particular leaning and he simply wanted to make sure that Peter wasn’t covering anything up for me. What that might be is a mystery, but so be it. I asked Peter for the afternoon off so that I could go home and work on the changes requested.
Upon getting home, I immediately changed into my ‘working clothes’. I stopped first in the kitchen to fetch a glass of white wine and then went downstairs to the studio. I was walking on air; three feet off the ground. The morning couldn’t have gone any better and, I must say, I was a little bit full of myself.
Here I was not even one year out of school. I was becoming a parent with the most wonderful woman I’d ever met. I was going to have my very first exclusive showing at a top gallery. I helped land two major accounts at my first job. I was finally going to commit to living my life with an ‘outer’ image consistent with my inner one. And, if all that wasn’t enough, I actually had friends; a total rarity for me.
I was sitting in front of an easel looking at Susan’s image and trying to envision the ‘pie’ she would be holding when my cell phone rang. It was Allie. She no doubt was wondering how the meeting had gone.
“Hi baby.” I was so full of joy over the day thus far. “Everything went better than perfectly.”
“I told my parents…about us.”
Her very subdued attitude suddenly turned into a deluge of tears. She could barely speak. I didn’t expect her to. I was in shock. I’d completely forgotten about them, as I did with my own mother.
“Do you want to come home? Would you like me to come and get you?” I couldn’t envision Allie having it together enough to come home herself.
“Okay…” Allie whined amidst her sniffling.
“Andi dear… Rather than you coming for her, why don’t I simply bring her home?” Jill was now speaking.
“Okay…what happened?” I was hoping for some sort of cogent reply from Jill.
“Oh my God…!” Jill huffed. “They are such…such pigs. They didn’t have a single good word to say…except maybe for ‘goodbye’. There were threats and warnings and such. They are just absolutely horrid people.”
I couldn’t even begin to imagine how harsh and wickedly evil their tongues must have been. They really didn’t deserve to have Allie for a daughter. In fact they didn’t deserve to a child. I don’t remember hearing a single nurturing word out of either of them when Allie brought me to visit.
I was so grateful that Allie had Jill. At least Jill could hold her hand and hug her and tell her that this too shall pass…even if it doesn’t. I mean…some things can be fixed and some can’t. But whatever the case nothing was getting fixed today. Today was for the tending to wounds of the spirit. Today was for the soothing of those terrible bruises of the psyche.
I went upstairs to change yet again. I didn’t want to greet them wearing my stained and spirits smelling work clothes. I wanted to look at least…comfortable? I want to be that fluffy teddy bear or something that Allie could draw into her breasts for security as a small child would. I then went down to meet her at the curb.
When the cab pulled up to the curb, Allie shot out the door before the vehicle even fully stopped. She ran right into my arms and began to cry. Jill followed her out carrying Allie’s two bags. I held my arm out so that Jill could thread the loops with my arm. Jill embraced me briefly and kissed my cheek and, without a word, got back into the cab to return to work.
I ushered Allie into the building and up to our apartment. The entire time her face was buried in my neck and shoulder. I dropped her bags at the door and escorted Allie to our bedroom. She sat on the bed as I helped her undress and slip into something a bit more comfortable. The entire time she sat looking stunned and shocked as tears silently fell from her eyes.
I didn’t want her to go to sleep though she had to be completely emotionally and physically drained. I wanted Allie to talk to me so I took her hands and led her to the cave. I made her comfortable and got her a glass of wine. She sat straight up and I sat cattycorner to her with one arm around her shoulder and my legs beneath me. I waited.
“I had to tell them.” Allie said with a look of desperation. “They had to know sooner or later.” She sniffled.
“They called me a whore.”
She burst into tears again. “They said that it was impossible and that I was lying. They called you a lesbian. They said we both were and that…that…we were going to hell.”
I felt like saying that hell was having those two for parents. But I held my tongue. This was the time for listening.
“When I convinced them that you were really a guy…they said you were a freak, a fag, a homo, and anything else they could think of. They said that I was no longer their daughter as long as I pursued this course of action. They said I should abort our child; that it was an abomination.” I handed Allie the entire box of tissues. At this point she was completely broken up.
Allie telling her parents never occurred to me. Telling my mother never occurred to me. I should have been more aware of this inevitability or at least the possible outcomes. Knowing her parents as little as I did I still should have anticipated this reaction from them? No matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried, she could never seem to please them.
And yet I saw a completely different person. I saw a woman who was already more than quite accomplished both at her job and at her art. She was kind, charitable, humane and, well, sexy as hell. In spite of her inherited money, Allie was determined to make it on her own. I mean… Seriously…? What else could they want?
“They threatened to have me declared incompetent and have my money taken from me. They also threatened to have you on every tabloid in the world. They threatened to do everything they could to break us up.”
Allie took a huge sip of her wine and placed the glass upon her end table. She turned her body and put both her arms around me, burying her face into my…boobettes. I simply held her and tried to calm her by rubbing her back. To this point I had said nothing. I could only listen.
I couldn’t believe the cruelty of these people. At least my mother had some sort of an excuse. Substance abuse, and the need to fund it, was definitely overwhelming for her. She had no clue of what she was saying or doing most of the time. But even during her worse drug and alcohol fuel rage, she never directed her venom toward me personally. It was usually toward the ‘men’ in her life.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel so…so angry.”
‘Good!’ I thought. Anger can be worked with. Anger is something I know a little bit about. I waited until I thought Allie got all of it…or at least most of it out. This was something I felt we could deal with if we kept faith with each other. And I really thought that would be no problem.
“What would you like to do honey.” I asked in my softest voice.
“I don’t know. Maybe kill them?”
Allie threw her hands up in exasperation. I could see the anger and frustration on her face. I could relate but just as I could I knew she really didn’t mean it.
“Well…you could do the next best thing.”
“What…? Have somebody else do it?”
“No silly…” I giggled. At least that brought a smile to her lovely face. “You could kill them in your mind though. Pretend they are dead. Don’t call them and don’t accept any calls from them. Rather than let them take control, as I guess they usually do…” I looked at her and she nodded. “You take control by deciding when, and where, you choose to deal with them. Okay?”
Allie nodded as a small trickle of tears began again. I really hated her parents for doing this to her.
“They called me a fat cow who can’t attract anyone other than freaks and losers.”
Now I was really pissed. Okay… So I may be a little bit different. I admit that. But a loser…? Never…! I felt like going up there and punching what’s his name in the nose…only the last time I tried that I wound up in the hospital.
“Allie… Look at me.” I tried to put as much seriousness into my voice as I could. Allie slowly looked up at me through her reddened eyes. “Every time I do a portrait or some painting, a study even, of you, it sells; usually first. People are not buying them because you’re some ugly pudgy freak. They’re buying them because they see the same thing that I do; the image of a gorgeous and amazing woman.”
Allie gazed at me intently. She wasn’t really listening to my words as much as the passion, real passion, she heard in my voice. Of course my arm waving and expressiveness went a long way as well.
“And you’re going to become even more gorgeous as our baby grows in you. You are the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever known and I am so lucky to be living with you…and I’m so in love with you.” It suddenly occurred to me as an afterthought. “And that’s probably the last glass of wine for a while so enjoy it.”
“Oh…” Allie looked at the pale golden liquid, smiled and giggled. “Yeah… I forgot.”
Allie stared at the liquid for a moment and nestled in my arms. Then she gazed at me.
“I don’t understand why they’re so…so…bitter? Why are they so hateful?” Poor Allie was on the verge of tears again. And who wouldn’t be?
“They can’t control you…as if you needed controlling…so they have to tear you down. You’re a threat to everything they stand for.” My voice was becoming louder and I got to my feet. “They…” I pointed up with my index finger. “…are the enema of the people! And you…” I pointed my finger at Allie. “…are the hero. My hero…!”
Allie laughed at my dramatics. I could see, and feel, the stress and the trauma ease from her face and her entire body. I bent and kissed her on the lips with a smile hoping it would transfer onto her face. It did. I took her hand and led her into our bedroom. It was a good time for her to nap and recharge her energy. We started off with her in my arms and she finally spooned up behind me.
I awoke before Allie and managed to disentangle myself from her arms without waking her. I hadn’t told her about my impending call to Susan, which would now also cover Allie’s potential problems with her parents. I went into the kitchen to prepare a snack for Allie upon awakening and, after leaving a note on the counter for her, descended into the studio to try and get some work done.
I stared at the drawings and thought about the changes I needed to make. But, oddly enough, the one image that kept repeating in my mind was that of Bill Scoville as he recounted his past and his wife. I saw a lot of humanity in him at that moment and I suddenly found myself in front of my easel sketching out his image; trying to capture that look he had.
I heard footsteps behind me. Allie came up to me and put her arms around my shoulders and kissed the side of my face.
“Thanks for the snack. I was hungry.”
“I thought you might be. Fell a little better?”
“Yeah… Now I only want to torture them…slowly and painfully.” Allie giggled. “Who are you drawing?”
She rested her chin on my shoulder and we touched cheeks.
“This is Susan’s father, Bill.” I said with my eyes never leaving the image.
“So Bill is it?” Allie seemed surprised. “I guess you made a good impression.”
“Yeah…” I giggled. “You might say that. I need to call Susan later.”
“Ohhh…?”
“I got my lawyer’s name from Peter and the doctor’s from Susan. If we do this, we might as well get it right. Maybe she can help us pull this all together. You know…?”
“Yeah…” Allie sighed. “We should probably find out how I can protect myself if my shitty parents decide to do what they said they would.” I nodded.
“If there’s one thing I learned after four years of intensive therapy...” I smiled at Allie as I was about to unleash the one great truth I’d learned. “You can’t help but love them, but that doesn’t mean you have to like them.”
“Yeah…” Allie nodded her head and smiled. “I really don’t like them very much when I think about it. And honestly…? There really never was anything likable about them.”
That I understood fully. I always found that I could put whatever was happening in the day, good or bad, into my work. I sort of knew that Allie could do the same. She went into her studio and began to ‘throw mud’. I continued on what would become a portrait of Bill Scoville.
The time flew by and soon enough the light of the day was gone; at least for what I was doing. I had the reasonable likeness I wanted and it seemed to project a facet of Bill Scoville that was not often portrayed; if at all. It was a softened look; a very human look of a thoughtful man.
Allie and I washed up and then headed for the kitchen. We decided to do a fridge ‘harvest’. Our left overs never went to waste and we always had more than enough when we cooked or went out for dinner. This made for a wonderful potpourri of culinary delights without any rhyme or reason…or hard work.
The plates often held fish, meats, pastas of varying shapes topped with different sauces, and a salad of sorts. The only thing missing was the wine. We opted for flavored carbonated spring waters instead.
I made the call to Susan whilst we enjoyed fresh cut fruit for dessert. She was happy to hear from us and overjoyed that I had decided to do as she suggested. I also told her that Allie had made the same suggestion a while back which seemed to thrill her even more.
“Smart woman…”
Susan commented. “I think she and I will become good friends. We seem to think alike…at least as far as you’re concerned.” She laughed.
I had her on speaker phone so that Allie might hear, and comment, on what we were saying.
“I think I need the lawyer to kind of rush things along and make sure everything I need is in order.”
“Smart decision… You’ll also need to stay with Edith to make sure things are done right.” Susan seemed to be more up to speed than even we were. “Who’s your lawyer?”
“She’s a nice woman named Joan Watson? She’s doing this for free.”
“Joan…?” Susan laughed. “Does she know you and I are friends?”
“No… Does that matter? Do you know her?” I was surprised…and puzzled.
“She’s a member of our little club. I’ll give her a call and let her know. That should speed things up a bit.”
“It would be nice if we could find someone down at N.Y.U. medical center. That’s where I’d like to have our baby.”
“Well…” Susan chuckled. “I make no promises but perhaps we can get you both in the same room.”
“What…?” What…?! Surgery…?!
“Oh Andi honey…” Susan was now laughing. “You take everything so seriously. By the way, you do know my father was rather impressed by you.”
“He was?”
“Oh yes… Absolutely... The manner in which you took over the meeting by showing him exactly what was done and so on...that impressed him. That should have been the account executive’s job. But you were faster on the draw.” Susan laughed.
“It really wasn’t my intention. He seemed to be in a hurry so…” I paused for a moment. “I guess I pissed them off?” I giggled.
“You think…?” Susan couldn’t stop laughing. “I love you Andi. You’re so very honest and innocent. You are very lucky you have Allie to guide you through this terribly dangerous forest called life.”
“Which brings up something else that maybe you can help us with?”
Allie spoke for the first time. Her voice quavered indicating her nervousness as she looked to me for assurance. I took her hand and smiled confidently.
“Absolutely sweet heart… What is the problem?”
“I’m pregnant…”
“Oh congratulations honey... I am so happy for you…for both of you. I assume Andi had something to do with this?”
Thankfully Susan covered my indiscretion about Allie's...procedure?.
“Maybe a little something…?” Allie giggled. “Anyway, I told my parents about it, and about Andi, and they had a major hissy fit! They cursed us both. They called Andi all shades of horrid names and threatened to have themselves declared trustees of my inheritance. And they want me to have an abortion.” Allie was becoming upset again.
Just the thought, the imaged sound, of their voices was enough to bring tears to her eyes. I couldn’t imagine how traumatic that must have been for her. I handed her a napkin and came around the counter to hug her. Susan was silent for a few moments. She must have guessed what was occurring.
“Listen sweet heart... Nothing is going to happen. You already have the right attorney. Joan is the youngest full partner ever at Forester, Waters and Hopkins. She’s very aggressive and very smart. She’s expensive but she gets things done properly the first time and I’m sure she’ll be a big help to you Allie; especially when there’s a fee involved.” Susan chuckled. “I’ll inform her about this issue as well.”
I could see Allie breathe a little easier. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose.
“Thanks Susan. I’ve heard of that law firm. They’re huge. She must be very good.” Allie was smiling again.
“She handles any issues that come up with our club members. She’s done several things for me personally; especially getting rid of ‘what’s his name’.” Susan laughed. “By the way… Since we’re on the topic… I would really like to take you to lunch at our club. Perhaps this Saturday if you’re free…?”
“Well…?” Allie rolled her eyes in thought. “Normally we have Lilly, that’s Peter’s daughter, and a few of her friends from her art school over.”
“I can handle that easily sweet heart. You go out to lunch and enjoy.”
Lilly had been our guest for more than a few weeks now. On Saturdays she usually brought a couple of friends. Allie and I would help them with their art assignments. Sometimes Lilly came over during the week simply to work on her own pet projects. We’ve even had her sleep over on occasion.
“Good… Then it’s a date.” Susan actually sounded quite excited. “Perhaps Joan will be able to join us. I know you’d love to meet her.”
Susan was being an absolute doll. I am so glad we just happen to get along so well. And now that Allie seems to have warmed to her, so much the more. It’s not as though either of us have had a deep pool of friends as a support group although with the few we had, we were lucky that they gladly shared their resources freely.
We spent quite a bit of time on the phone simply talking about…stuff. I found it very easy to talk with Susan and she was certainly full of advice and suggestions for Allie as a future working mom; letting her know what to expect and how to deal with insurance and all that kind of thing.
By the time we got off the phone, Allie and I were both physically and emotionally drained. We decided to make it an early evening and, after a quick clean up, headed for the bedroom. Allie decided to run a bath for the two of us. She hadn’t really used the tub often but, now that she had a ‘bath buddy’ in me, she was determined to make it more of an event.
I must admit there was something very soothing about getting into a tub full of warm, scented and oiled water. Regardless of the type of day one might have had the ills and ails of plain old big city living simply melted away. We sat in the tub facing one another with our heads back against the porcelain. I watched the flickering candles’ light dance against the ceiling. The effect was mesmerizing.
“So…” Allie spoke in her soft and soothing alto voce. “You had a good day?”
“Smashing… Superb… Unbelievable… It was the ‘Pandi’ show at its best.”
I’d taken to calling anything Peter and I did jointly as the ‘Pandi’, Peter…Andi, show.
“Evidently the account exec and his manager wanted me taken off the job; or at the very least hidden away. That was before the Scoville’s showed up. They felt that someone named Andrew should show up looking like an Andrew.” I giggled.
“Oh my God… They were going to fire you?”
“No… They just wanted me out of sight. I’m sure they gave Peter an earful. But the executive vice president of the company was there and he just listened and by the end of the meeting he was laughing at them. I think he wanted Peter and me to take over their jobs!” I laughed as I remembered the look on their faces.
“And Susan’s father…?” Allie asked as she slid her foot along the inside of my thigh with a sheepish grin on her face.
“Uhhh… What…?” Allie could be so very distracting…at almost any time.
“Her father…?” She shrugged and gave me that ‘duh’ look as she gently rubbed her toes against my other thigh.
“Ohhh… He was pretty amazing. It’s easy to see where Susan comes from.” I giggled as I thought of his mannerisms at that meeting. “He liked what he saw though I do need to make a few minor changes. Then he turned the entire show over to Susan. I think we’re going to get the entire account.” I closed my eyes and simply enjoyed the stroking of Allie’s foot.
“You know…” Allie leaned forward and grabbed my nipples between her index and middle fingers. She pulled.
“Owww…”
She yanked again in spite of my halfhearted protest until I finally sat up.
“You know…” She spoke again as she gently massaged away the pain and grasped my face in her hands. “I think I could learn to love you?”
She giggled and kissed me fully on my lips. Allie’s tongue then licked along the line of my lip. I couldn’t decide whether it tickled or ignited as shock wave after wave shot rushing through my body; or both. I then felt her hand grasp my engorging dick and squeeze it gently but firmly.
“I so want to fuck your brains out.” Allie whispered as her gaze held mine. I reached for the back of her neck and met her lips with mine. We kissed for what seemed like the longest moment ever.
“I so want to see you try it.” I challenged with a snicker.
We exited the tub and couldn’t towel ourselves off quickly enough. Allie and I had this ritual. If time permitted, after bathing in the evening, we would rub one another with a body lotion or light massage oil. Tonight was no exception. Whilst I spread an extra-large bath towel on our bed, Allie made the preparations of warming the oil. I had several rolled up extra-large towels for placement under the hips to ease any back strain and for behind the neck and knees whilst on one’s back.
Allie entered the bedroom carrying a tray with a carafe of heated water with the bottle of oil within. She also had an extra-large towel with her. After placing these things down on our foot table, she went about the room lighting candles to add to the atmosphere. I shut off the lights and put some Rachmaninov on our stereo. We were into a ritual of sorts and the performance of every little detail only added to our excitement.
“Okay…” Allie said with a huge grin as she removed her terry cloth robe. “…I’m first.” And she practically dove onto the bed.
‘Well…’ I thought. ‘…so much for the democratic process.’ I laughed as I watched her wiggle onto the towel with her eyes closed and her smile simply filled with anticipation. I got on the bed and took the bottle of oil in hand as I straddled her waist. I patted her side, which she lifted, and I put two rolled up towels beneath her hips. I then uncapped the oil and let it flow, drop by drop, across her shoulders and down her spine.
As I began to rub the oil into Allie’s back and shoulders…
…she began a chorus of sounds indicating her pleasure with my activities. I closed my eyes and let my hands glide across her body following the ingrained picture of her inside my head. The wonderful floral scent of the oil only added to my pleasure of touching her luscious body.
I worked my way slowly down to the small of her back. More oil was needed so, without removing my hand from her lower back, I retrieve the oil, popped open the cap, and again poured the slightly viscous oil drop by drop as I moved further down toward Allies feet. I recapped the oil and covered her upper body with the sides of the towel.
Allie was silent as I worked my hands over the small of her back and downward over her butt cheeks. I used just a bit more force to penetrate a little deeper into her cheek muscles. The feeling of her flash sliding between my fingers was divine. I lingered, but not too long, and then moved to her upper thighs. I worked my fingers, and hands, to the rhythm of the music which proved to be rather hypnotic. A piano concerto was playing as I moved down to Allie’s calves. I loved working those muscles. They seemed to have been made specifically for my hand size.
But the best part, the most fun part, the most sensual part was about to happen; Allie’s delightful feet. My lady took pride in taking care of her body. She was determined to have, if nothing else, the softest, smoothest, and most pampered of physiques. God knows she’d never be the skinny model type. But then again, who cared? I certainly didn’t. I loved the fact that she was so very womanly in all ways.
Her feet were amazing. The skin was so soft and smooth. Even the edges of her heels were delightfully pliable. And her toes, my God her toes… They were just so perfectly dimensioned to the rest of her foot. I loved playing with her slightly plump little digits with my lips and tongue. But to run my fingers between them with a bit of oil was totally mental masturbation for me.
By the time I had finished Allie’s back and covered her legs, I could hear her softly purring like some large kitten; asleep. I watched her for a few moments not wanting to disturb the vision of her in total and complete contentment. But, in truth, I was anxious to feel her hands on my own body. So selfishly I kissed the side of her head and whispered in her ear.
“Turn over sexy.”
Her eyes slowly opened and I could see them trying to focus and come into the present again.
“That…was amazing.” Allie said softly as she began to turn beneath the towel ends without disturbing the manner in which they covered her body. I lifted her head slightly and placed a rolled towel beneath her neck for support. I also placed two beneath her knees for the same reason.
I began with Allie’s neck and worked my way to her shoulders. She began her mantra of ‘mmm’s’ and ‘ahhh’s’ as I went along. When I got to her boobs she began to giggle; especially when I played just the very tip of her nipples which were already erect and engorged.
But the best part was yet to come; her tummy…especially her lower tummy. This was, for some reason beyond my comprehension, her most sensitive and sensual area aside from her vagina. Allie loved to have her tummy rubbed at any time. She could easily become aroused if it was done after dinner and I have actually witnessed her having an orgasm just from the rubbing.
As I began to do her lower tummy, I could actually smell her arousal above the floral scent of the oil. It was a very interesting combination of muskiness and a perfume. I was becoming more than simply stimulated by this aroma. It was nearly overwhelming simply to be touching her so…intimately? But then to add her own little pinch of excitement to the recipe…oh my God!
“Spread your legs a bit sweet heart.” I was already straddling her hips and needed to get lower. I assisted her by un-wrapping her legs from the towel and then covering her upper body again.
I knelt between Allie’s thighs and spread a few drops of oil atop each. As I massaged Allie’s thighs, I couldn’t help but gaze at her ‘coochie’. It was blossoming like a flower; it’s very fleshy petals blossoming opening. I could see a very thin line of moisture glistening down the center. And her clit, which she called her ‘bean’, was engorged and more than poking its head up.
In spite of the moment I had to giggle. I knew that guys often gave their ‘parts’ names but I never knew that girls did that as well. Guys usually gave theirs formal names as if that part had a personality and being of its own. And I imagine that is true because I’d often heard that guys seemed to think with it.
The more I worked Allie’s thighs, the further apart the petals would ‘bloom’ and open until I could almost see within her. The crevasse that formed was rapidly filling with fluid and, I must admit, caused me to think a bit mischievously. I moved my middle finger to the very bottom of her partially opened ‘coochie’ and slowly traced a line up through the fluid forcing it up against the petals.
“Ohhh… My God baby doll… Whatever are you doing?” Allie spoke in a raspy and husky voice. “That feels so…”
She never finished her sentence because my finger was now resting upon her ‘bean’. I wiggled my finger once.
“Oh my God NO…!” Allie’s hands quickly covered mine and held my finger steady. “Don’t move baby.”
She begged as I could feel her pelvic mound quiver. It was the most amazing feeling. But I couldn’t resist and with a giggle I wiggled my finger.
“Oh my God oh my God oh my God…! I’m coming…!” Allie nearly screamed. “Yiiieee…! Ohhh…! God…!” Her thighs closed and hugged me tightly as her body spasmed and buckled inward and I felt fluid flow out of her. “Stop… Stop… Please stop....”
I quickly jerked my hand from her and she quaked one more time. Allie’s eyes were blinking wide open and tightly shut and her mouth was opened as she attempted to catch her breath. I continued to massage her thighs and moved down to her knees as her breathing returned to normal. Allie finally moved her hands back to her sides.
“That…was very sneaky…” She giggled. “And very intense.”
“I couldn’t resist.” I smiled at her. “You know…I could have been really devilish and flicked your bean.” I laughed.
“Yeah… And I could have kicked you in the head on my way down from the ceiling.”
Allie closed her eyes again as I began to work on her calves. I couldn’t resist gazing at her coochie again. It was wide open and had turned a deep pink color. Her bean was sticking almost straight out. Again the imp within me came out. I quickly dove down and, grasping her butt cheeks in my hands, I latched my lips around the nubbin and sucked it as I flicked the very tip with my tongue.
It was as if Allie’s body exploded in movement in a thousand directions and places at once. Her thighs came up and clamped tightly against the side of my head. I felt as if I was enclosed in an envelope of flesh through which no sound could penetrate. She hands came down upon the top of my head and pressed me down further into her. I thought I heard something that sounded like a cross between a scream and hysterical laughter.
After a few moments, which seemed like minutes or longer, I let loose of her bean and blew gently upon it. I could still feel Allie’s body quiver and quake. My mouth was covered in her fluids and I assumed that my breath stimulated her by cooling and drying the wetness that seemed to be everywhere in the small little world of my face and her vagina.
“That…” Allie said between deep breaths of air. “…was not fair.”
Well at least she was smiling.
I couldn’t help but giggle. I actually felt a bit proud of myself. I never considered the fact that I could deliver such intense sexual pleasure to a woman. When we’d been having sex on a regular basis, and for sure it was always amazing, it always seemed that the true end result was not our mutual pleasure as much as Allie wanting to get impregnated?
But now that she was indeed with child, she sex drive seemed to actually increase? And our sexual activities seemed to center more upon the other person’s pleasure. This was a very freeing experience for me. I was not only capable of giving exquisite pleasure to a woman, but I was also able to accept the same in kind.
“Okay buddy…” Allie looked at me with a wry expression on her face. “It’s your turn now.”
“But I haven’t finished.” I spoke with a serious expression that quickly turned into a smiling giggle.
“Oh yes you are. Now…” Allie got to her knees. “Get down there. Hurry up!” She pointed down toward the towel. “And get on your tummy. And you just behave yourself whilst I put more warm water into the carafe.”
I did as Allie requested putting two rolled towels beneath my hips. I rested my head on my arms and closed my eyes. I could still smell Allie’s essence on my mouth and, to be honest, I curled my lip and inhaled deeply. She smelled so…intoxicating. And that aroma was so wonderfully feral. I never imagined I would be this sexually intimate with a woman and now that I was, I wondered if it was the male female thing or this was an exception; an exception named Allie.
I felt the mattress move as Allie got back onto the bed. Now I must admit, Allie has very strong hands, and arms. This is due to her working with clay. Well, if what she did to my neck and shoulder areas was any indication, her clay was well served before going into her kiln. As she worked her way down my back, I began to feel myself leave consciousness. Her touch was firm and her reach into my muscles, what little of them may be, was deep and heavenly.
“Spread your legs a little honey.” I felt Allie shifting down to do my lower back and butt. “You know something?” She spoke as her hands gripped my hips gently. “I think you’re getting a bit shapelier in your hips. And you ass is a lot rounder than it was. I think you’re really looking kind of cute. I think those hormones you’ve been taking are working.”
“Mmmm…” I was still in a half sleep state. Allie began to work on my lower back. That’s where I usually felt stress.
“I can’t wait for you to see Doctor Gotlieb again. I think you’d look so fucking awesome with bigger boobs.” She giggled.
Allie was right. That was the last part, the only part of me that needed…improvement? And then there was the whole legal thingy. I was still very conflicted about that; changing the ‘mister’ to ‘ms’ in my name was an enormous step and it still didn’t feel quite right…yet.
“I love the way your body feels.” Allie crooned as she put a few drops of oil on my butt. “It’s so smooth and…well…curvy?”
That had been a worry for me when we first began to be…us? Allie was accustomed to a more macho type and that usually came accompanied by a more macho body. I was very far from either but Allie really didn’t seem to care. Whatever I was blended well with whoever she was.
Allie suddenly poured several drops of the oil down the crack of my butt. Deep within the recesses of my mind I knew what was coming but she still took me by surprise. Allie began to really dig deep with her finger tips into the muscles of my butt. It hurt but it felt great anyway. She seemed to know where all the little nerve knots were and she attacked each and every one of them.
Then she worked both of her hands down between my butt cheeks and back up again spreading the oil about. Allie then massaged my lower spine with one hand and gently, very gently, with her fingertips, went down the very center of my butt cheeks to the base of my scrotum. She began a motion with her index finger of slowly going up and back down my crack. Each time she’d pass over my butt hole, she would make several circles around it.
“Ohhh… Oh God…”
The stimulation was electric. I instinctively jerked my pelvis up to her touch when she did that.
“You like that…don’t you?” Allie lilted as she giggled. Allie slowly began to insert her fingertip into me.
“Ohhh…”
The feeling was exquisite. She pushed in even further as I moaned my approval into the towel. Allie’s other hand continued to massage the small of my back as her finger slowly began to move in and out to the same rhythm of her other hand’s movement.
I was in heaven as a second finger began to enter with the first. Allie pushed in far enough to find that magic spot; my prostate. She began to rub and thump it with her fingertips. I felt her lips kissing my butt cheeks softly. I was paralyzed by the sensations and I felt myself begin to seriously drip.
“Oooo…you’re getting so nice and wet honey.”
She giggled as she grabbed my dick and slowly worked her finger around the head. She kept this treatment up for a few minutes. The intensity was torturously delicious. I wished it would never end. But Allie had other plans.
“Turn over onto your back sweet heart.”
That was not an easy task with her fingers still in me. When I did finally manage to lay flat, she covered me up with the towel sides and slowly withdrew her fingers. Allie made sure I was completely enshrouded in the towel. Only my dick protruded. She placed her scented worn panty over my eyes and nose engulfing me in her fragrance.
“I’ll be right back. I need something to drink.”
I felt her body leave the bed and the patter of her feet across the floor. I was inhaling her aroma and becoming more and more intoxicated. My butt hole was still kind of buzzing from her fingers and my dick was still erect. But my mind was void of anything other than the sensual attack my body was giving me. I was so enrapt that I didn’t hear Allie return.
“Would you like a drink?” She asked sweetly.
All I could do was moan my assent. Allie placed the end of a plastic straw to my lips and I sucked up what was a flavored cold water; orange. When I had my fill she took away the straw and I felt her once again get onto the bed. She uncovered me and dribbled some oil on my upper body.
Once again I felt her powerful fingers massaging my neck and shoulders. I was in a whole other world…another dimension…as Allie worked her magic. I groaned in heavenly delight when she got to my budding breasts. The warmth of the oil and her hands were a salve to my aching boobs and itching nipples.
Allie tweaked, rubbed and pulled gently on my nipples as she gently worked on my boobs with the ham of her hand. Her manipulations seemed to shoot directly to my tummy and then down to my dick at lightning speed. I was so turned on that all I could do is moan and pray that I didn’t orgasm out of seer excitement before her massaging was complete.
“This is so cool.” Allie said with a gleeful voice. “You’re puddling. I’ve never seen you this turned on before.”
She giggled as I moaned. It was true. Allie was bringing me to new heights of excitement.
“I wonder what would happen if I did this.”
“Yiiieee…!”
I suddenly felt her engulf my entire dick in her mouth. I nearly jumped off the bed in shock.
“Mmmm…” Allie moaned.
She giggled and slowly drew her lips up, lingering for a moment at the head, and then removing her lips with a popping sound. Again my entire body quaked as if an electrical shock was travelling through it.
“That was cool, wasn’t it?”
“Uhhh…” That was all I could say in a weak and wavering voice. “Yeah...”
Allie then poured a few drops of the oil on my tummy and began to work on those muscles.
“You know…your body has really changed a lot since you started taking the hormones.” I felt her hands begin their magic just below my ribs and work in a circular motion. “Your skin is so much smoother and, well, you’re shape is changing; filling out in places that it should.” She giggled as she gently slapped my hips.
Allie began to play with my belly button as she massaged my lower tummy. I moaned softly. I didn’t think she could turn me on any further and yet that was exactly what she was doing. My mind was swirling with these new sensations and to make things even more intense, the back of her hand kept brushing against the head of my dick.
“My baby is so sensitive tonight.” Allie giggled. “I like that. I like that a lot. And to think I’m nowhere near being finished with you.”
I moaned again. Allie poured a bit of oil onto my thighs. But inside of simply massaging them, she raised my legs and placed them with my knees resting on her shoulders. She began to massage them both; one with each hand. The feeling was so totally awesome. I could feel her boobs brushing against the back of my thighs.
She trickled a little oil onto my dick and every few strokes on my thighs was matched with a single slow long stroke of my dick. Some of the oil trickled down the crack of my butt cheeks and Allie chose not to neglect that area either. She ran her fingers down along that crack with one hand as she stroked my dick with the other.
Allie was torturously edging me with powerful waves of pleasure that just fell a wee bit short. I was, literally, on the verge of tears. So great was my need for total relief that all I could think about, between strokes of Allie’s hands, and the scent of her fragrance, and herself, on the panty that covered my eyes and nose, was a nice stiffy up my butt to finish me off.
Allie began to squeeze, caress and palpate my butt cheeks. She teased my butt hole without mercy. Each moan and groan she elicited from me was a muted begging scream to end it all. Allie, with a giggle, knowing quite well how badly she was teasing me, leaned into my thighs. This raised my butt up and off the bed slightly so she could have better access to the area she was massaging; or so I thought. Allie then rammed her strap on vibrator into me in one long thrust!
“OH…MY…GOD…” I screamed as I started to come.
Allie turned on the vibrator and with each spurt of my sperm onto my tummy she would thrust into me until our bodies met. I hooked my heels onto her butt and pulled her in with an increased force. I thought I would never stop coming. I had never come so hard before. I thought my heart would pop out of my chest as Allie pulled on my nipples with each thrust.
My arms flew around her neck as I held on for dear life itself. The world seemed to recede around me until there was only my supremely intense release. I pulled Allie into me one last time and I thought I heard her cry out as I held her to me. Then, just after I peaked, I seemed to have lost consciousness.
When the world came back into focus, Allie’s smiling face came into view. She kissed me and I kissed her back. I put all the emotion, all the love I felt for her into that kiss. We both parted lips almost at the same time.
“I was beginning to worry about you.”
I could hear the concern in her voice. I was so overcome with so many different and wonderful feelings for her that I began to cry.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah…” I managed to squeak out between sniffles. “I love you.”
“Yeah…” She giggled. “So I’ve noticed.”
“That was…amazing.”
“You should have felt it from this end.” She laughed. “When you held me to you that final time…it was like…oh my God!!! The vibrator would let me stop coming. That was definitely amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever come so hard or so many times so quickly before.” Allie kissed my cheek and rested her head against my shoulder. “I love you very much Andi.”
“I think I love being your…wife?” I giggled. “But I think I also love being your husband.”
I quickly rolled over on top of Allie and latched onto her nipple with my lips. She squealed with delight and kind of curled up beneath me. I parted her thighs with my leg. I could feel her wetness…her swampiness…on my own thigh. In two simultaneous motions I let go of her distended nipple with a popping sound and latched onto her mouth, and my hand went down to her swampy vagina in search of her not so elusive ‘bean’.
The very moment I touched the nubbin…
…Allie screamed into my mouth.
She tried to curl up even more but I fought her with gentle strokes of her clit. She was so very overcome with the rolling waves of her orgasms that her entire body froze. It was all she could do to moan into my mouth. I relished the manner she held onto me and with each wave of forced pleasure the tightening of her body around mine.
Finally, when Allie simply couldn’t take any more, her lips left mine. Her entire body fell back upon the bed and she pushed me off of her. Allie was breathing heavily and her wide opened eyes had a glazed look.
“Please…” She said weakly. “No more…”
I leaned down and softly kissed her forehead. Her hair was matted with perspiration. I stroked her tummy softly and smiled at her.
“I think I like playing the husband too.” I giggled.
Allie, still breathing heavily smiled up at me. I repositioned myself to rest beside her, my head upon her thigh and snuggled up close on my side. I could smell Allie’s sweet aroma as her leaked fluid dried in the air. Everything about this woman was intoxicating.
“That…” Allie giggled. “…was amazing. I don’t think I’ve every cum that much.”
Allie rolled on her side and began to gently stroke my dick. And as she did I pried open her legs and gently blew my breath upon her vagina.
“You know…?” Allie said as she flicked her tongue across the head of my dick. “Maybe we should keep this little guy active.”
“Does that mean I get husband’s rights too?”
“I don’t see why not.” Allie chuckled. “We’re both already wives.”
Allie snuggled up behind me…as usual.
We had no trouble sleeping at all…at all!
Does Andi become Allie’s wife? Does Allie become Andi’s wife? Will either one qualify as a husband? Will Andi keep his boy junk? Will Allie keep his boy junk? Will someone please clean the damn bath tub? And what about Midnight the cat…? To find out who’s on first and what’s on second…visit the Baseball Hall of Fame. Otherwise…read the next chapters of the adventures of ‘Andi and Allie’.
Andi and Allie Chapter 25
“Once more into the breech, dear friends, once more…”
The next several days were chaotic; too say the least. Allie and I managed to get an appointment with a Doctor Weintraub. She was evidently the partner of Doctor Gotlieb and as expert in the field. She too belonged to ‘the club’ and we were squeezed into her very busy schedule upon using Susan’s name.
I managed to finish up all of my work for Peter by Wednesday and asking him for the next day off was no problem at all. Of course he was curious about what I wasn’t telling him. I usually explained my need for the time but I withheld that information this time.
I rarely took time off for the doctor or things of that nature. Peter tended to become concerned whenever I did. I always appreciated his concern but this time I felt it might be too much information. I mean… Getting boobies faster without the loss of dick usage was a bit much even for me. And I didn’t think telling him about the possibilities of the use of blockers would be proper.
Allie was busily working away at a few last minute pieces we wanted for the showing. She was more than busy between that and the cataloging of everything leaving the studio. She also had to handle the two million calls from Bob, whose anxiety was rising by the hour. He had never given a new artist his main spaces to exhibit and the costs involved with the producing of this showing were building by the moment.
But Allie seemed to handle everything in stride. I adored watching her work. Her concentration was equal to mine and she did everything with unusual loving care. It was as if everything around her was a pre-natal soul in the making and deserved nothing less than a mother’s loving touch.
I truly felt for her. Allie would wake up, run to the bathroom, pee, barf, not necessarily in that order, and continue with her morning ritual. Maybe she would get nauseous again before she even finished. I know this was only going to last a few more weeks…maybe…but that didn’t make me watching the love of my life suffer any easier.
Both of us were seriously tired and a bit worn when Thursday came around. We were up at five thirty in the morning for my appointment with Doctor Weintraub. I dressed tastefully and simply in a blue pin stripped skirted suit.
I fully expected to be able to perhaps go to work later in the day in spite of having the time off. I put on a simple pair of black low heeled pumps for comfort. Allie helped me with my makeup, which was minimal. But I was so nervous my hands were too shaky to do my eyeliner.
Allie wore a gorgeous silk print skirt in an array of lovely spring flower colors. She seemed to favor that theme. Her pearl white silk blouse buttoned up the front and had full length cuffed sleeves. Her face was so aglow that she hardly needed any cosmetic help. But out of habit she donned mascara and a pink lip-gloss. She also opted for a low-heeled crème pumps which matched the field of her skirt.
We always seemed to deliberate the longest on accessories; specifically jewelry. I usually wore glass bead drop earrings or at least something hand made with glass beads. I loved antique glass bead earrings and usually had the matching necklace and bracelet. Allie had the good stuff; gold and semi-precious or precious stones. Often times we would loan each other different things. It was so normal and natural that we didn’t even need to announce or ask one another for anything.
Once the decision was made and we donned the baubles, bangles and bling, we faced each other for a morning inspection. This was a ritual for us; especially if we were going out for the evening. But for this morning we wanted to look preppy perfect. This doctor was a friend of Susan’s and with her concession to see me so quickly, the least we could do was look like the type of people Susan would associate with.
I was, to be quite honest, a bit disturbed and upset. I mean this entire issue of the hormones was becoming a bit much. I still wasn’t totally convinced that upping my dosage was the answer and I certainly didn’t want my dick to die. Although Allie didn’t seem to mind the thought at all, or that alternative methods of play that would be required, I wasn’t so sure about my own feelings.
When I gazed into the mirror in the morning, I no longer saw Andy…I saw only Andi. What I found disturbing was the thought that Andi was the perfect vision of me? Andi had an aura; a feeling of totality that Andy…or Andrew…never experienced. Did Andi really need to go any further?
I had never felt so completely satisfied sexually before in my life. For sure I enjoyed Allie’s being on top and she seemed to enjoy it as much, if not more. But there were those times when I enjoyed reciprocating. The thought of that becoming a thing of the past was upsetting. I mean it’s not like I was the best she ever had or anything. Maybe it was simply a guy thing…if any ‘guy things’ were even remaining?
“What’s up sweet heart? Nervous…?”
Allie gazed at me wide eyed. I simply stared back and shrugged my shoulders.
“Come on baby doll… Talk to me.” She cooed and smiled patiently.
“Uhhh…”
I looked away from her for a moment. I didn’t know where to begin.
“Come on baby… We’ve spoken about this before. Several times...”
Allie was being very patient and I guess I really did need to tell her what was troubling me.
“It’s just that… Well… I’ve been reading about this whole HRT business?” I glanced off again with a pained expression. “And… And I just don’t want my thingy to stop working…you know?”
Allie hugged me to her and kissed my cheek.
“I mean…” I was getting teary eyed and sniffled. “Before I met you I didn’t even know what a sex life was. All I knew was that everyone around me was having one. And now that I have one I’m afraid of it ending. I love when we…make love.”
Allie looked me in the eyes and smiled gently. Her voice was gentle as well.
“You know we discussed this before sweet heart and you didn’t seem to mind the idea at that time.”
“I know. It’s just that… I don’t know. Maybe it’s the last part of me that’s recognizable as a guy?”
“I think…” Allie giggled. “…you like fucking me and don’t want to give that up; right?” I nodded my head. “Did you like it when I fucked you the other evening?”
“Yeah…” Now I had to giggle amid an occasional tear. “That was great. That was the most fantastic experience ever.”
“And did you use your dick?”
“No…”
“We could make love like that forever and I’m sure you wouldn’t mind it or miss your little dicky at all.” Allie may have been right but I did need to think that one over. “Look honey, I think we should go to this doctor and you really don’t need to do anything you don’t want but at least let’s hear what she has to say. Maybe we can get an alternative plan. I mean… I must admit I kind of like your dickie too.” She giggled.
“Yeah…” I smiled weakly. But I did feel a little better.
I enjoyed the process of making babies and I wanted to hold onto that at least until Allie had her fill of that experience. What I didn’t know at the time was that the longer I took the ‘mones, even at the dosage I was given, the less a chance of a successful conception we would have.
In other words, I might have no choice given another year or two. Although my dick wouldn’t exactly die, I might no longer produce the sperm count…if I produced any sperm at all! It was a very difficult position for me to consider.
The ride uptown and crosstown seemed to go by very quickly. Though I held Allie’s hand the entire time, my mind was in a million other places. When the cab pulled up in front of the main entrance of the hospital, Allie had to shake my arm gently to bring me back to reality. She smiled her knowing smile. She understood how I felt.
She let me exit the cab ahead of her as she handed the driver her credit card. It seemed that Allie was doing all the paying for things these days. But then again, my paycheck was going into our account and I let her dole out whatever I might need for the week. I guess I was letting her control, or at least manage much of my life and, in truth I can’t say I objected in any way. If anything, she was lending order to what otherwise might be a much more chaotic existence.
We made our way up to Doctor Weintraub’s office and, upon entering, found ourselves the only people in her waiting room. There were forms upon forms to fill out and the required medical insurance card presentation. I didn’t know whether my insurance fully covered what we were planning to do. Thankfully Allie helped me with some of the forms which were standard things regarding privacy and patient’s rights and such.
When we came to filling out the medical form, although I was completely healthy, my family’s medical history was a complete mystery to me. I simply stated that my mother was an alcoholic and a drug addict and my father was anyone’s guess. I notated that I was taking hormones, the dosage and frequency.
After going through all of that, the receptionist informed me that the name on the forms and that on the insurance card did not match. Derp!!! Though I had my name officially changed to Andi, I had failed to let the human resource people at work know.
So Allie again helped me make all the changes. By the time we were done a resident came through the door and walked to where we were sitting. She introduced herself as Doctor Cait Greene and asked if my name was Andrew.
“Uhhh… Andi?” I smiled.
“Oh… Okay Andi…” She smiled graciously. “Please follow me.” She looked toward Allie. “Are you here with Andi? Would you like to accompany us?”
“Oh… Absolutely…!” Allie smiled as she jumped up from her seat.
We followed Doctor Greene through the office door and down a corridor lined with doctors’ offices and examining rooms until we came to the end of the hallway. There was a corner office and we followed Doctor Greene through the door marked ‘Doctor Sarah Weintraub, Medical Director of Endocrinology’.
We entered the office and followed Doctor Greene past a nurse sitting at a desk busily at work at a computer. We then walked through another door and into the office of Doctor Weintraub. She was at her desk looking through a pile of documents, her attention totally upon her task.
“Doctor…? This is your patient…Andi?” The Doctor looked up at me.
“Have a seat…Andi.” She looked at Allie for a moment. “And you are…?”
“I’m Alison Morris. Andi’s…friend…? Well… Partner…?” Allie smiled at the Doctor.
“Ah… Very good… You are Andi’s health care advocate then.” The Doctor turned to me. “Susan can’t seem say enough about you, either one of you for that matter.” I blushed pinot noir. “Let me see your hands.”
I held my hands out to the older woman. Her face was lined with the wisdom of age and her grey hair was neatly styled in a short wedge. She squinted slightly through her horn-rimmed glasses as she closely examined my hands.
“Hmmm… Nice long slender fingers…” The Doctor seemed to mutter to herself. She looked up at me. “Do you play the piano?” ‘What an odd question’ I thought. I shook my head. “Susan said you were an artist.”
“I paint…and draw. I’m a graphic artist by trade.” I smiled warmly. “I’m doing some work for her company.”
“Ahhh…”
The Doctor nodded as if all was clear to her now. She let go my hands which I promptly placed on my lap.
“Susan mentioned you wished to transition?”
“Uhhh…” I didn’t know how to answer that. Thankfully Allie spoke up for me.
“Andi wishes to become more…feminine in appearance? And I think a different combination of hormones might be in order.”
The Doctor looked at me with a curious expression on her face. Then she looked back at Allie.
“Andi would like bigger boobs and a more…curvy body than the one she has.” Allie giggled.
Oh my God…! Allie said ‘she’. The Doctor looked at one of the forms I had filled out.
“Yes… Well…” The Doctor cleared her throat. “At this dosage level, and without an androgen, that could happen in about a year or two…maybe. We could increase the dosages and change the combination a bit to certainly speed that up.” The Doctor looked at me. “You are still functional as a male I assume?”
“Well…?” Allie rolled her eyes upward. “That is one of Andi’s concerns. You see…I’m pregnant and we do want to have more than one child. Andi would like to remain functional.”
“Why…?” Doctor Weintraub seemed almost stunned. She looked at me. “Why not simply get breast inserts if that is the case. Sooner or later the hormones will probably neuter you anyway. You stand a much greater chance of contracting testicular cancer the longer you remain on hormones with your…equipment still intact. You should eventually at least have you gonads removed.”
I thought I would either faint or become quite ill. I sort of envisioned my ‘Mickey mouse’ sans ears. The very word ‘removed’ was revolting.
The Doctor gazed back at Allie.
“We can certainly freeze and store sperm samples for later use if conception is the only issue.”
“Do you mean that either way I go I will lose my…penis?”
“No dear…” The Doctor laughed. “…not at all. If you wish to keep it, you may certainly do so. But you testicles should to go; sooner or later. If we do this sooner, you will develop much more rapidly with fewer drugs involved. You won’t need an androgen blocker for one thing. And conception is a bit more of a guaranteed thing with artificial insemination…or even in vitro fertilization.”
I looked at Allie and took her hand holding mine.
“I don’t know what to do.” I was verging on tears.
“Look, she needs to have a physical and blood work done anyway.” The Doctor seemed to be speaking directly with Allie. “Why don’t we begin with that and the two of you can discuss this further. The blood work will take at least two hours to analyze anyway so we might as well get started. By this afternoon we should have some sort of treatment program devised and you will have a choice.”
“That sounds perfect.” Allie smiled at the Doctor. “We simply have a few things to get worked out between ourselves.”
“Good... Now Doctor Greene will take you both to the examination room and we can begin. I will see you both later.” Doctor Weintraub stood, smiled warmly, and shook our hands.
We were led out of the office and into an examination room across the hall. I was given a robe and a pair of slippers to change into. The Doctor advised us that they would be doing the blood first; vampires! Anyway, I changed into the robe leaving only my panty on. I was quite cold and Allie managed to find a blanket to drape around my shoulders.
A young man entered the room with a cart full of tubes having different colored tops. He proceeded to fill way more tubes than I would have wished but I was only the pin cushion in this particular mix. After finishing drawing blood, leaving a lovely orchid purple bruise on my arm, the ordeal of being prodded, poked, fingered, felt, and in all other manners inspected, the exam began.
Doctor Greene had a number of questions, basically the blank spaces on the forms regarding family history, which had to go embarrassingly unanswered. I really knew less than nothing about my mother’s condition other than it was alcohol and drug fueled. More embarrassing was the lack of knowledge about my father. The only saving grace was that Allie was by my side the entire time holding my hand.
Thankfully she was there to assist me in giving a sperm specimen. I would have been there all day trying to think thoughts obscene enough to create the mood for me to discharge. It didn’t take too long once she began to play with my nipples whilst she thrust her raised skirt panty lowered crotch into my face.
Her manipulations and aroma was all it took to obliterate the sight of the pale institutional green walls and the antiseptic odor of the cubical as I sat on the porcelain throne and spewed into the fluid filled cup.
After redressing, Doctor Greene led us back to the waiting room and informed us where the cafeteria was. She was kind enough to offer to show us the way and, not having anything to eat since the prior night, I gladly accepted her assistance. Allie and I took what, for us, would be a quite sizable amount of food and found a table in a quiet area to sit and eat…and talk.
‘Talk’…? We sat in awkward silence with the big question hanging out as far as my nose. I suddenly found myself reconsidering my entire existence as ‘Andi’. How far from my original urge to dress I’d come. How right on target I was to the image I had of myself in my mind’s eye. But that perfect image never took into account what the cost of my quest would be.
I also never took into account Allie and what she might, or might not desire. I mean Allie was definitely a penis type of girl. Could she blind herself to everything and forego the sexual rush of an ejaculating penis?
Could she forgo the caressing of a real man? Could Allie ever really be happy with the ‘new’ me on a long term basis knowing that I might never be able satisfy her in the manner she had been accustomed to her entire sexual life?
“Hey baby doll? Your food just fell off your fork.” Allie giggled.
I was sitting there with my fork half way to my mouth, which was opened, and my eyes looking off into the deep and dark abyss of my future. I must have been sitting like that for a bit and didn’t even notice. After all, I wasn’t really there. What constituted a ‘real man’ anyway…or a ‘real’ woman for that matter?
“Look…”
Allie spoke as she gazed into my eyes. I hadn’t moved an inch but my eyes were focused upon hers.
“We could leave here now and that’ll be that.” Allie reached across and grasped my hands; dining utensils and all. “But the truth is that you’re never going back to just being Andrew. Could you see yourself in a man’s shirt and tie and suit? Or in blue jeans with a tee shirt wearing jockey shorts? Or boxers for that matter…?” Allie mocked a face of horror.
“No…” I nearly whispered with a giggle. I gazed at her hands holding mine.
“And you’ve never really shaved everyday anyway; right? And no more clunky work boots for you; right?”
“Well…? If they’re en vogue…” I had to giggle.
“Andi…be serious. I’m trying to make a point.”
“Okay… You’re right.”
I giggled again but I knew Allie was right. I certainly wasn’t going back to being someone I no longer knew…and maybe never really was.
“So… The worst case scenario is that you remain on what you’re taking and we go on with life as it is.”
“Okay…” I agreed but didn’t know where she was going with that.
“Or…?” Allie smiled ever so sweetly.
“Or…?”
“We go ahead and continue down this road and see where it leads to.”
“It leads to no more weenie.” I was suddenly saddened again.
“It leads to breast feeding.”
Allie grinned triumphantly. She knew the one thing I truly desired to bring me just a bit closer to the entire pregnancy and birthing process.
“And as for no more weenie…? That’s not a given. Did you have fun the past few nights?”
“Yeah… That was great.” I hesitated and rolled my eyes upward in thought. “No… That was amazing, awesome, cathartic…” I had never had such powerful and amazing experiences in my life.
“Well… So did I. I have never been so totally in control and I have never had such an amazing time in my entire life. Where was your little ‘dickie’ then?” Allie had a point. “And we haven’t even begun to play. There are so many toys I want to use on you. And I haven’t even tied you to the bed yet.”
“What…?!” WTF…???!!!
She can giggle all she wants. It’s me that she wants to tie up. But I had to admit Allie was right. The most intense sex we’ve had really didn’t involve my dick…or her...her coochie…for that matter.
“And we’ll freeze and store your spermies so that I can have more babies for you to breast feed.”
Allie was pulling out all the tricks in her bag to get me to continue on with this…this attack upon my reluctance and hesitation.
“And we can do twins…or even quads so we can both feed them at the same time. Don’t you think that would be worth it? I mean seriously… What are you afraid of?” She asked smugly.
“Losing you.” I spoke in nearly a whisper again. “I’m afraid of losing you.”
It slipped out but there it was. I was afraid I would lose her to some guy…any guy…with a working dick. Allie looked stunned.
“That would never happen; never…not ever!” She was almost angry. “I am with you as long as you want me; under any circumstances. I love you Andi and that’s that. And anyway… I am more afraid of you finding some guy for a one night hook up or something.”
“What…?” Seriously…?
“Yeah… Remember…? You’re the one who liked guys more than girls.” Allie smiled wryly.
I had to admit she was right. Allie completely changed my life but…well…I still had that itch every once in a while. Like whenever I was in too close a proximity to Peter? I really had nothing to say to that. There was only one positive that could register.
“Yeah… But it’s you I come home to every night and it’s you I want to live with forever.”
We finished eating our meal and we spoke of other things on our way back to the waiting room. Our conversation stayed with me though. I decided to take the step and go further along on this journey. I truly believed that Allie would be with me all the way and, to be quite honest, I did trust her…completely.
Doctor Greene finally came out to get us.
“Your test results are back and Doctor Weintraub will see you now.”
Once again we followed her down the corridor to the Doctor’s office, through the reception area and into her inner sanctum. Doctor Weintraub looked up at us and smiled. She waved her arms indicating that we should sit.
“So my children… Have we made a decision whether we should proceed?”
I sort of liked how the Doctor could simply turn on that maternal smile of hers as she folded her hands upon her desk. I kind of looked down at my hand; Allie was holding the other.
“Yes… We want to go all the way Doctor.” Allie smiled as she spoke.
Although we had talked about this together, it was she who spoke up when I hesitated. And I was glad she did.
“Good…” The Doctor now spoke to Allie. “Now… Andi’s insurance doesn’t cover certain segments of the treatment plan.”
“That’s not a problem.”
Allie giggled as I looked at her in shock. We didn’t even know how much this would be costing us. I looked at her with both my brows arched. She simply smiled and spoke.
“Don’t worry your pretty little self about this sweet heart. Leave the details to me.”
I blushed carnation pink and looked down at my hand in my lap. But something about her way of taking command excited me as well. She made me feel safe. I mean… She would take care of everything including me.
I suppose I should feel that I did make my own choices but, especially as time went on, but I felt very secure in letting Allie do those things for me. She just seemed to know and understand my mind.
“Now… Fortunately your Andi…”
‘Your Andi…?’ I suppose the Doctor was right in a way. I truly was Allie’s. I had truly given myself over to her.
“…isn’t producing very much testosterone at all. Indeed if Andi wanted to become a man…” She kind of spat those words out. “I would probably recommend a regimen of testosterone. I’m writing for spironolactone but that is optional. The progress will simply be…slower. I’m also increasing the estrogen dosage and adding progesterone. That should hasten things along.”
“Thank you Doctor.” Allie smiled.
Anyway, the Doctor discussed several options including the implant which was good for one year. Allie thought that was the way to go. Allie wanted me to hold off on the anti-androgen so that we could get enough specimens frozen to start our own city if we wished. It would mean that I needed to have a specimen taken few days for two week. It would also mean no sex for the next two weeks.
I found irony in that this would be the most potent I would ever be again and I couldn’t take advantage of the situation. Once I started the anti-androgens, if I started them, it would be a slow and gentle downhill slide into penile oblivion. And that wasn’t even accounting for the hormones encapsulated in each thigh.
“By the way…” The Doctor gazed at Allie. “I can see why Susan spoke so highly of you.” The Doctor chuckled. “You seem to have matters well in hand.”
“Well…” Allie smiled coyly and blushed prickly pear red. “I’ve only Susan for a few short weeks but Andi has spoken of her and I do think she’s amazing. She truly is concerned about Andi. And me for that matter…”
“Yes… Well… Fortunately Susan has a very strong moral compass otherwise she would gobble your Andi right up.” The Doctor laughed. “I expect to be seeing more of you Allie.” She then gazed at me. “And you as well…young lady.” She chuckled.
I thought the Doctor’s parting words a bit strange but I said nothing. We left the good Doctor shortly after three with implants implanted and scripts in hand; Allie’s hand to be exact. In spite of the Doctors upbeat mood, and that of Allie, I was in a sort of dark place. I still had misgivings and reservations about what I had just done to myself. I would grant you I could have turned right around and had the procedure undone. But I didn’t.
Allie sensed my mood and acted accordingly. We walked across town until the first downtown directed avenue. Then we took a cab home. In spite of the free time, all I felt like doing was getting into bed and pulling the covers over my head.
I stood in the bathroom gazing into the mirror as I removed my makeup. I saw something in my expression…in my eyes. I felt that a self-portrait was very much in order. I hadn’t done one since early on in art school; nor had I the desire since. But the spirit was upon me. The dark thoughts in my head needed to be recorded as I saw them reflected in the mirror.
I put my hair up. I was letting it grow. And I donned my sweat pants and work shirt. Allie was a bit surprised to see me getting ready to work but she said nothing and smiled. As I walked past her she grabbed me and hugged me tightly. Though I wasn’t into hugging her back, I did none the less knowing that this mood shall pass.
I began to work feverishly. I had never felt quite this obsessed before. Even doing the first nudes of Allie paled by comparison to what I was feeling. In the midst of working, a second idea came to me.
This one was huge in size. It would require two or three four by eight panels or even a single canvas of that size. It would be an air brushed work. I was going to fill the canvas with Allie’s butt. After all, this entire to do was not as much about gender as it was about sexuality.
By the time I heard Allie coming down the stairs, I had nearly finished my work. I had also managed to vent most of my emotional turmoil during the process. I hastened to cover the portrait up. I didn’t want anyone to see it…yet. If at all…!
“Hi baby doll… How are you feeling?”
Allie spoke sweetly as she came up to hug me. This time I returned her hug in full.
“Better… I just don’t know how I’ll be able to keep my hands off of you for a week.” I giggled.
“It’s not your hands we need to worry about.” She giggled. “What are you working on?” Allie turned to look at the covered painting.
“It’s not ready yet.” I looked at the cloth covering it.
“Oh… Okay...” She sighed.
I could hear the disappointment in her voice. I hadn’t hidden anything from her since I did the nudes. I simply wasn’t ready to let anyone see the work yet and she accepted what I told her. Allie asked if I wanted to go out for dinner. That seemed like a wonderful idea after being very focused for so long. So I washed and dressed casually, did my makeup casually and we were soon out the door.
Allie worked very hard to keep the night light-hearted. Whenever there was a silence, she’d speak about something. Whenever she thought I might be slipping back into my gloom, she’d tell a story from her past. Allie would not allow anything from interfering with her attempt to cheer me up and keep me that way.
The bedroom was another story entirely. I was getting ready for bed, washing off my face and putting on an overnight lotions and creams, when my mind drifted back to the ‘butt’ project. The more I thought about Allie’s butt, the more I began to become stimulated? By the time I finished my rituals and donned my sleeping tee, I had a full-blown stiffy! I burst into tears.
Allie came running into the bathroom to see what had occurred. She immediately saw what the problem was and came to my side to comfort me. I was beside myself to be honest. When I wasn’t all that sexually active I could put my energy into my art. Now all I wanted was to put my dick into Allie.
Since Allie and I became ‘we’, I could put all that newfound energy into making love. Now where was I to put all of that energy; especially since this could become a swan song to the remnants of my…maleness?
Of course Allie had the solution. She put a cold wet cloth on my boy bits which almost instantly deflated me. She gave me a very strong sleeping pill. She took me into bed and held me in her arms, my face upon her boob, until I fell asleep. That would be our routine for the next two days until I could get a grip.
Allie went with me every day I was required to give a specimen…thankfully. I felt embarrassed enough to be doing it into a cup in a bathroom stall. I didn’t need to add the humiliation of staying in the stall all morning trying to spew. With Allie there, I could quickly…well…in reasonable time anyway, do my thingy. This was the only sexual intimacy we could have and I wanted to at least enjoy the tactile thing.
The week only became stranger as it went along. Rhona noticed a change in me. She knew something was up because I wasn’t my usual cheery self. Peter noticed as well and commented that perhaps I needed some time off. Susan called twice that week. The first time she wanted to thank me for the ‘excellent’ work and to ask how it went with the doctor. The second time she simply wanted to know how I was feeling.
And just exactly how was I feeling? Well…? Fine for the first two or three days... Then I seemed to develop morning sickness. I would awaken and as soon as I sat up in bed, I would begin to get this intense gagging sensation. I would race Allie to the porcelain throne, usually, but not always, letting her win, only to stick my head into the basin and try to hurl up bile.
“Don’t worry sweet heart…” Allie would croon in my ear as she held my fore head. “You’ll become accustomed to it soon enough and then it will go away.”
‘When…’ I thought. ‘In a few years…?’
I waited and prayed for the weekend to arrive so that I could bury my head into something, anything, that would blot out the world. My only saving grace was my desire to paint Allie’s butt. So I made some sketches; both at work and at home. And I fiddled with coloration working with burnt umber, burnt sienna, red and white and mixing various shades until I had a palette I could work with.
We both took it easy over the weekend. With all that was going on in our lives we really needed some together time. Whilst we both worked with the little ones, Lilly and several of her friends, Allie managed to finish up the cataloging of the works going to Bob and I made arrangements for the ‘butt’ canvas. Of course Allie wanted to know what I had planned for such a large format but I held my tongue. How could I tell her anyway? ‘Uhhh…? It’s a portrait of your butt?’
And she was still terribly curious about the oils I had covered. Now I had two secrets I was keeping from her. I think that although she was initially a bit put off, she managed to take it in stride and labeled it being my ‘artistic temperament’.
Sunday evening Allie was feeling a bit off and called Jill to say she was ill. I had enough work to keep me busy at home and Peter was gracious enough to allow me to stay with her. I was up in the studio working on a final sketch for the ‘butt’ when I needed one more look from an objective point of view. I walked upstairs to hear Allie nearly shouting during what I guessed was a phone call.
“Those fuckers…! Those fuckers…!” Allie almost never used profanities…outside the bedroom. I couldn’t imagine what had set her off.
“What’s wrong sweet heart?” I hurried to her side.
She was so angry that it took her a moment or two to realize I was even there. Her face was flushed a deep maroon color and her very full lips almost disappeared into two fine chalk white lines. They were pressed that tightly together. There were tears in her eyes but these were tears of anger, not sadness.
“They cut that bastard a deal!” She spat the words out as thought they were too bitter to retain.
“What bastard…?”
“John Simms…! The fucking moron who nearly killed you! Remember…? They cut him a deal!”
I hadn’t thought about that incident in months. Nor had I heard anything from the police or the district attorney’s office to bring the incident to mind.
“Please baby… Please sit down and tell me everything.”
I took Allie’s hand and led her into the cave. We sat on the loveseat kind of facing one another with our legs tucked.
“Take a deep breath and tell me what happened.”
“Well…!” She took another deep breath. “The assistant district attorney just called. They want to cut him a deal.”
“Why?”
“Well… Because they felt that they needed Andrew as a witness and a victim…and not Andi.”
“But what about you? You saw the entire thing.”
Now I was a little upset. I barely remembered that night anyway.
“He said that John’s lawyer was going to say that you assaulted him and that he was only defending himself.”
“Yeah… But he was assaulting you!” I think I was close to shouting.
“I know. But they felt that your credibility as a witness would be called into question because of your…your mode of dress and lifestyle?”
“That is such bullshit! Those assholes…!” I could feel the color rush into my face.
“Yeah…”
“So what was the deal?” I felt I should at least know that part. “I mean… Will we need an order of protection against him or something?”
“Well…” Allie took my hands in hers. “Apparently nobody would bail him out. His poor wife... ex-wife took all of his money. I don’t know about any friends he might have had but it seems like everybody was pissed off at him.” Allie giggled. “Let that be a warning to you. Don’t fool around on me.”
“As if…” I giggled. “So he’s been in jail the entire time?” I really found that hard to believe.
“Yeah… And not only that... The guy told me that someone spread the story that he liked to beat up women…which I guess is true…at least as far as I’m concerned. I think he would have hit me had you not come along.”
“Yeah… I was so scared he was going to.”
“Anyway… It kind of got turned into him beating young children?”
“Oh my God…!” Even I knew what that meant in a jail.
“Yeah… They don’t like that kind in jail. So evidently something happened to him and they had him in solitary confinement for the past couple of months.”
Allie’s face lit up and she smiled. Now I hate to admit this but I felt kind of glad. I mean I don’t like to see a person hurt or anything but this was not a nice guy. Somehow the very idea of street justice seemed…righteous?
“And not only that…” Allie started to really get excited. “They have him on suicide watch.”
Oh my God…! He tried to kill himself? I felt bad about that; the sanctity of life and all that.
“So what’s the deal?” I asked.
“They want to sentence him to three years plus time served and a five thousand dollar fine.”
“And then what?” I was stunned. “That seems like a long time.”
“Who cares? It should have been seven! His life is over as far as I can see. He really messed up his wife’s life, mine, yours, and who knows who else? He stalked me and assaulted me. He could have just as easily killed you. He put you in the hospital. And, quite frankly, I think the only reason he got a deal was that they were too busy with other things…other cases.”
“Yeah…I guess…”
“And I do want a permanent order of protection against him for you and me when he gets out…if ever. That way, if he decides to come and kill us, they can arrest him for violating that order.” Allie giggled but I knew she was seriously afraid of this guy. “And then they’ll lock him up and throw away the key.”
We spoke a little longer about the entire situation. Even though I would have rather the case go to trial, and not understanding the district attorney’s office for not wanting me as a witness, I thought that maybe Simms would be punished enough. I mean his life was basically destroyed and he truly had to start over.
I’d totally forgotten why I had come up to begin with. But I felt that now might now be exactly the right time to sneak a peek at Allie’s butt. She did, however, show me that she was beginning to pudge out a little. She raised her tee shirt up to her bra and rotated slowly from side to side. I could see it. There was a slight difference in the curve of her tummy and it was definitely not in the place where she tended to be a little…fuller?
“Oh my God…! May I touch it?”
I asked tentatively as I began to extent my hand. I’m not sure why I even asked. Perhaps I felt that special separation between a mother-to-be and us…mere mortals?
“Sure…” Allie nearly squealed in delight. “Don’t be silly. It’s yours as well as mine.”
‘Mine… Ours…’ I thought as I gently ran my hand over her tummy.
Almost magically all the cares and troubles and bothers of the world disappeared. All that mattered was that ever so slight swelling and what was causing it. My tears flowed as I smiled.
Just for a moment…a second…I wished I could have been Allie. I wanted so much to know what it felt like to have a life actually growing within me. I felt so humbled, so incredibly small, so very…so very insignificant next to her. I’d totally forgotten about her butt and ingrained the sight, the feeling, and the sensation of my hand gliding gently over her tummy, into my mind.
I did manage to get my glimpse later in the day. We decided to rest for a while and I shed my clothes getting completely naked. Allie had already begun to ‘feather her nest’ and purchased some of the accoutrements of pregnancy including something called cocoanut butter?
It’s used to help alleviate stretch marks and such. I got to rub some on her tummy and boobs, which were also beginning to grow even larger and fuller. I asked if I could rub some on her butt. She was quite content to allow me to continue my ministrations.
What I was truly looking for was the exact placement of three small birth marks; one on one cheek and the other two on the other cheek. I wanted this work to be as exact as I could get it; at least through my eyes. Having fixed the placements in my mind’s eye, I simply sat alongside her and enjoyed the view and the sensation of caressing her very soft, smooth, and wonderfully curvaceous butt.
As my gazed washed over Allie’s wonderful expanse of body, I thought about her past lovers and how poorly she was served by them. Perhaps her own naivety was partially to blame for it is the woman who truly chooses her lover. But betwixt lovers there must be a common thread of humanity and civility, truth and fidelity.
Or perhaps it’s me who was naïve. I made a solemn pledge and took a silent oath to never deceive Allie in any way. I would be whatever she wished me to be to whatever extent I possibly could. I would be with her, mate with her, for as long as she would have me and I would let nothing stand in the way of that.
Thankfully the specimen taking finally ended and we could proceed with our lives. I would need to see Doctor Weintraub once a month to have blood levels taken and to report anything out of the norm for a male taking an inhuman amount of female hormones.
Allie and I decided to pass on the spironolactone. We both wanted a little more time before starting that drug…if at all. Whilst I wanted things to proceed along, I also wanted to feel her body touching mine and engaged with a full fledged stiffy.
We could also return to our normal schedule instead of awakening at some un-Godly hour to go to the hospital. Of course I relished awakening a bit before Allie did so that I might watch her as she slept. Her expression was so at ease, peaceful, and totally blissful.
Her visage reminded me of masterpieces done of the Madonna and child. I would spoon up to her and I could hear a soft ‘mmm’ emanate and a slight smile broach her lips as she felt my body touch hers. I felt like a heroin addict who couldn’t get enough of the drug.
My canvas arrived for the ‘butt’ on Friday and sure enough Bob Preston just happened to drop in on Saturday. He wanted to review some of the pieces he was taking. When he saw the size of the canvas, he freaked.
“Three panels…?”
Bob’s expression was somewhere between nausea and shocked disbelief as he removed his horn rimmed glasses to stare wide-eyed at me.
“How the hell am I ever going to show that?” He beseeched and stared at the huge blankness of my vision in…horror?
“Ahem…” I cleared my throat to emphasize what I was going to state. “It’s a large subject.”
I had such trouble keeping a straight face. Then, quite ceremoniously, he removed the cloth still covering my self-portrait.
“Oh dear Lord…”
He stepped back without removing his eyes from the painting. He stood with his mouth agape and his eyes wide open as he silently examined the painting. I was about to turn and walk toward the ‘butt’ canvas to begin mentally planning my space when Bob spoke again.
“This is an amazing work. I must have this.” He looked at me and I could see tears welling up in his eyes.
“I’m not sure I want to part with it.” In great haste I reached for the cloth covering in his hand but he moved it behind his back.
“You don’t understand what you have here. I haven’t seen a self-portrait like this since…”
He turned back to look at the painting again, his mouth agape in awe.
“…since…”
Bob turned to me again.
“Since Colbert…? Maybe…? It’s extraordinary. It’s more than museum quality work. This is towering. The emotion is overwhelming. Whatever could have made you produce something like this? It’s so… so naked.” A tear actually fell from his eye.
“What’s so naked?”
I heard Allie’s voice as she entered the studio. I quickly grabbed the cloth from behind his back and covered the work.
“What’s so naked?” Allie giggled. “Or should I ask who…?”
“You haven’t shown her?” Bob was shocked that I wouldn’t have shown her. “You haven’t seen this self-portrait?” I could have slapped him…hard. “This is an astonishing work.”
Now I had no choice. I looked at Allie and removed the cloth as she approached. I watched her expression change from a light hearted smile to a dropped jawed stunned one. She walked closer and stood for a moment looking intensely at the painting. Then she looked at me with tears in her eyes.
“Oh baby doll…” She took the few steps toward me and hugged me. “I am so sorry. If I had known that…”
She couldn’t finish her sentence. She simply held me tightly and buried her face into my neck. Allie immediately knew when I painted it and what I was feeling.
“It’s okay sweet heart. I’m okay with it now. Really…” I kissed the top of her head.
Bob realized he had stumbled into something that was very personal and very private. But that didn’t stop him from what came naturally; making money!
“You must let me show this even if it isn’t for sale. You’re an artist Andi and you have to be able to give it away. That’s what it’s all about. You need to share yourself with the world.”
“But I’m not ready to do that right now. Not with this piece...”
Allie turned in my arms to look at the painting once again.
“Oh Andi…” She turned from me to Bob. “When he’s ready… He’ll let you sell it.”
“Look…” Bob gazed at me with an odd expression. I thought for a moment it might have been…desperation? “Please just let me exhibit this. How about just for opening night? Andi please... I wouldn’t be so insistent if I didn’t think this so…” He turned back to the piece. “…so important a work.”
I thought for a moment. I really hate to see anyone beg for anything and Bob was more than verging. I took a deep breath. He did have a point. What I did meant nothing as art if I didn’t at least show it. I looked at Allie and she smiled and nodded her head.
“It is an amazing piece of work baby doll.” She sniffled and looked at Bob. “Here’s the deal. You can exhibit it for the first three days of the show.”
Bob’s face lit up and he broke into a huge smile as he sighed in relief.
“But then it comes back here. It’s definitely not for sale…yet.” Allie was quite insistent.
Quite honestly I didn’t understand what his excitement was all about. I wasn’t even sure I liked the painting. It certainly wasn’t who I was from day to day. Colbert painted what he was from day to day. I only painted what I saw at the moment, or perhaps what I chose to see at that moment?
I can’t tell you how many times I went to the Met to view the very few works displayed there. It is probably my favorite self-portrait because it is so naked. Only Colbert’s short life curtailed his doing more masterpieces. I wished there was more to
That painting is amazing. Mine…? Well I just didn’t see it in that manner. I covered it because, once again to be quite honest, it made me feel uneasy.
That evening we made very passionate and emotional love. Allie was decidedly into oral love and I followed suit. There is something so immensely special and bonding about oral sex. It is, at least to me, a sacrament.
Rather than allowing me to enter her directly, Allie spread her vaginal lips and, being on top as usual, simply rubbed her exposed clit and labia back and forth along my dick. She was so incredibly wet and the sensation was teasingly erotic. I humped my hips up to create an even more intense contact.
After doing this to the point where I was so excited that I thought I would come, she stopped and swung her leg over so that she straddled my dick as she hugged my leg. She began to rub herself once again; this time across my dick with the same stimulating result.
By the time Allie had finally settled herself down upon me, allowing my dick to enter her; I was so aroused that I thought I would spew simply from that simple action. The air in our dimly lighted bedroom was thick with the aroma of us; our fragrances, our sex, and our perspiration. My mind and body was in a vortex of sensual delight when Allie leaned forward till our torsos touched, her breasts flattened against mine.
Allie smiled at me and giggled. She had a mischievous look on her face when I felt something on the head of my dick. I yelped in surprise. The feeling was amazingly intense. She did it again. Whatever she was rubbing my dick head with only required a slight movement of her pelvis but that slight movement was amplified a thousand times as it transferred to my dick.
Allie kissed me and, at the same time, wedged her fingers between us and squeezed my nipples. That and the movement she was doing caused me to cry out into her mouth and squeeze my eyes tightly shut as I came…and came…and came. My hips bucked up to her with each pulse and I couldn’t stop moaning and yelping as Allie continued her tantalizing movements.
Allie finally ceased moving and I held onto her as if my life depended upon that act. Her head rested next to mine and she was kissing my cheek and ear gently. I wished we could remain like that forever; so content and so full of one another. I was gently rubbing Allie’s back when my dick finally flopped out of her.
Allie quickly rolled off of me and did her tissue between her legs thing. She then rolled over to her nightstand and returned with a pill bottle. She handed both of them to me.
“What’s this for?” I was too…out of it to really look at the bottle.
“These are your pills to stop your…”
I saw her eyes roll upward trying to think of how to say what I knew she wanted to say. I spared her.
“Okay…” I sighed. “I know what they’re for.”
“Listen sweet heart…”
She rolled back into my side and waiting arm. Allie rested her head on my shoulder.
“I really don’t care whether you take them or not? If you don’t want to, you really don’t need to.”
“But…”
“There are no ‘buts’ baby doll. I want you to be happy with who and what you are and if all of this is too much for you, then we don’t need it.” Allie spoke softly but firmly. I believed what she was saying. “Just as long as you don’t start wearing boxers and all of that…that boy stuff.” She laughed. “I’ve become more than accustomed to you as you are and I love you as you are.”
I got up out of bed and headed to the bathroom bringing the bottle with me. I read the label and then took one of the twice daily pills. I washed myself quickly and went back to Allie. She was beneath the blanket on her back and waiting for me. I got back into bed and settled into her waiting arms, snuggled up against her side.
“I…”
“Shhh… Don’t tell me. Surprise me.” Allie giggled and held me tightly.
It didn’t take long for us to fall asleep.
The days seemed to roll on and on. We went through them making the most of our time. Bob finally settled upon a date for the showing. Work couldn’t have been going any better. I still started off my days sitting and having coffee with Rhona while we filed our nails. We had several new projects come in and I was put in charge of the work.
The painting I did of Susan’s dad finally dried enough to be moved about so I brought it into work one day and gave her a call. I had no idea of how to get the painting to him and I wanted her to see it anyway. Maybe he would hate it and I did want her opinion.
Susan was extremely excited about the portrait. She had wanted her father to sit for one but he hadn’t the time or patience.
“I’m on my way to his office. He just happens to be in today. A rarity...” She chuckled. “We’ll be on our way directly.”
“But suppose he’s busy?” I hadn’t counted on such a rapid response.
“Oh he won’t be too busy by the time I’m through nagging him.” She laughed.
As soon as I was off the phone with Susan, I ran to Peter’s office to give him the news. I hadn’t shown him the painting yet and he suggested that I use the conference room. After all, they were the largest client we had and Peter did want to view the piece before the ‘crowd’ arrived. Peter, of course, loved it.
“Well…you certainly gave the old man a new look.” He laughed. “You might even think he was a family man after all and not just some philistine captain of industry. You humanized him.”
Well… That certainly assured me the work was going to be a hit.
“By the way Andi…” Peter motioned me to sit down. “I got a call from finance. Did you lose your bonus check?”
Derp…!!! I stared at Peter wide-eyed and open mouthed.
“You do remember I gave you a check almost two months ago?” Peter smiled impishly.
“Oh my God…! I totally forgot about the check.”
“Then you still have it?” Peter chuckled.
“I’m pretty sure I do. I think it’s in my other bag.” I turned stop sign red.
“Do I need to call Allie and have her remind you?” Peter admonished with a laughed. “They want to cancel it and issue a new one which should take accounting…oh…perhaps only a year or two to do.”
“No…” I was quick to say. “I’ll remember.”
Peter laughed again as I texted Allie to have her ask me for the check. I was too embarrassed to let her know why and I certainly didn’t want Peter to call her.
The Scovilles showed up maybe an hour later. Susan was as bright and bubbly as ever. She embraced me and kissed me on both cheeks. John settled for a smile and delicately shaking my hand.
“Oh Andi, you look wonderful today. I must tell you that I am quite excited. I can’t wait to see what you’ve produced for us.”
I looked wonderful? Susan was wearing an amazing silk blouse that probably cost more than my entire outfit…including shoes. And the way it looked so suited her that it was worth every penny. The tailoring was exquisite and her skirt and matching jacket were no less perfect.
“You look… You look like you stepped right out of Vogue. You look so amazing.”
I think that was the first time I actually saw Susan show fuchsia.
Her father appeared to be just as immaculately and carefully dressed but men take that kind of compliment differently in an almost uncomfortable manner unless they’re gay. I felt I should complement him anyway.
John was quite taken with the portrait. He simply smiled and gazed at it silently for quite some time. It was as if he was recalling an earlier, simpler, time in his life when perhaps things other than his business were of greater importance. Or perhaps of events that were tucked away in his memory for far too long. I thought I saw tears well up for a moment.
“I…” John cleared his throat and took a deep breath as he sought to perhaps compose himself. “I could never hang this at the office.” He said to nobody in particular. “I look much too…”
“Father-like…?” Susan chuckled as she finished his thought. “Well I think it’s a wonderful likeness of you.”
John looked at his daughter and, moving closer to her, put his arm around her.
“This will go in my study at home.”
I didn’t, and I still don’t, understand why men would want their own picture staring them in the face in their studies or offices. I would want mine in a foyer or a main room of sorts as kind of the spirit of the house. Perhaps men wanted their image in their inner most sanctum because what the artist sees as the inner self is not always what they want to project to the world. Hmmm…
Peter joined us for a moment to simply greet our guests. Now when I compliment him on his mode of dress, he’ll go on and on about where and when he purchased whatever and why the purchase was a correct one. Anyway, both Scovilles were glad to see him and they were kind enough to acknowledge his part in the work we accomplished for there corporation.
After Peter’s brief appearance, John pulled a chair out and motioned for Susan to have a seat. Then he pulled one out for me. He took a seat next to Susan and placed his hand upon hers.
“I would like to commission you to do a portrait…”
I was more than a bit surprised. I mean artists live by their commissions if they are lucky enough to get any. Otherwise it’s either the streets on weekends or, again if they’re lucky enough, canvassing the galleries with photos of one’s works; in other words, selling door to door if you’re lucky enough to even have an owner or art director see you.
“…of Susan and myself. I think…” John looked at his daughter with the warmest smile, as I would have expected. “I would like that very much.” Turning back to me, he asked the toughest question I’ve ever been asked. “How much would you charge?”
“Uhhh…”
“Oh Daddy…” Susan sighed and smiled. “Andi’s an artist. And, generally speaking, artists have no idea of what the value of their work is.”
Susan looked at me with a glimmer in her eye and a knowing smile on her face.
“Why don’t you leave that to me. I’m sure that Allie…”
Allie…?! All of a sudden it’s Susan and Allie?
“…and I can arrive at a suitable price that will make everyone happy. Anyway…” Susan looked toward her dad with a chuckle. “You really don’t want to know.”
I couldn’t let them leave without making mention of my next showing. Susan already knew about it but I was hoping to maybe interest John in attending. He hemmed and hawed a bit but, with the urging of Susan, at least committed himself to seriously thinking about it.
I was so very excited. I had my very first commission. For some reason I felt very validated as an artist in spite of a very successful first showing and an impending and even more important second showing. I simply couldn’t wait to tell Allie. When I got home that evening and told her, she became just as excited as I was. Then she asked the killer question.
“Check please…!” She giggled and held out one hand, that other on her hip in an almost defiant stance.
I quickly went to my other bags and purses to search for the envelope. I finally located the little darling underneath a pile of loose one dollar bills, receipts, miscellaneous pieces of paper with messages long outdated, and several spare bags of duplicate cosmetics and accessories. I handed it to Allie.
“You never opened the envelope?” She looked totally astonished.
I shrugged my shoulders. I’d simply forgotten all about it. I began to say something but thought keeping quiet would make me appear less…uninterested? Allie chuckled and simply shook her head in disbelief. She opened the envelope and stared at the check. Her expression changed to one of shock.
“Andi…” Her eyes never left the check. “This is more than I make in a year!”
Now that our hero has finally breeched the sacred domain of heroine, will she remain there? Will she suddenly discover her dick to be ‘penis non grata’? Will Allie tie her to the bedposts? Will Allie take photos and post them to the net? If they go to a ball game, will Andi kiss her on the strikes and Allie kiss Andi on the balls? And will White Fang ever get house broken? For the answers to these towering questions and others less so…be sure to catch the next sugar free installment of ‘Andi and Allie’!
Andi and Allie Chapter 26
‘To be, or not to be, was there ever any question???’
The questions that bothered me the prior evening were still fresh and even more troubling when I awoke. I found myself standing next to Allie at the bathroom mirror going through our morning ritual as usual when it occurred to me that I was in the midst of prepping my lips to finish off my look with lipstick.
Now this was something men do not do as a daily ritual. And yet… This felt so natural and so ordinary. I shifted my eyes and watched the reflection of Allie nearly doing the exact same thing.
I watched her for a moment or two. She noticed my gaze and smiled at my reflection. I looked back at myself, shrugged my shoulders, and applied the first coat. I was dressed for work and couldn’t leave home feeling naked without lipstick.
Walking to work didn’t help one bit. I mean… Usually my mind is somewhere else; maybe thinking about a project or a painting I’d like to do. Sometimes I’d just do some window shopping along the way. I very rarely noticed the people walking around me.
But on this day my thoughts were really focused upon myself. How would I explain to my child, our child, that daddy dressed like a woman? Or would it really be a case of the baby having two mommies?
And what would happen once my stiffy ceased to occur? What had happened between Allie and me last evening was the most intense sexual and sensual experience I’d ever had. It was so very strange how being on the bottom seemed natural to me. This all frightened me.
Then I began to look at the people I passed. Although a woman would occasionally glance quickly at me and maybe smile, almost every man I passed gave me the once, and sometimes the twice over and smiled. I found this to be quite unsettling. I could almost feel them stare at my butt after I passed.
Now I’m not so naïve to think that this never happened before. But usually I was with Allie and we were out having a meal, or a drink. And usually Allie would point this out to me. I would comment that they were staring and smiling at her.
But she insisted, on more than several occasions, that they were staring at me with ‘that’ look in their eyes. And that leer that they imagined past as a smile on their lips was for my benefit.
I stepped up my pace. I couldn’t get to the office quickly enough and, by the time I arrived, I was a complete psychic mess. I barely whispered a good morning to Rhona and went directly to my workstation. I took off my coat and jacket, threw them on the windowsill, sat down on my chair, and began to cry. And let me tell you… I truly did let it all out.
“Sweet heart… What’s the matter?”
Rhona had come rushing over when she saw that something was wrong. She placed her hands upon my quivering shoulders and held her body against me trying to comfort me. All I could do is shrug my shoulders as I held several tissues to my eyes and continued to let it all out.
“Did you and Allie have a fight?”
I could hear the true concern in her voice. I shook my head. I wished it was that simple.
“Maybe you should take the day off?”
Oh God… And go back down to the streets?
“What’s going on here?” Peter was in this early?
“Andi’s really very upset about something.”
I looked up at Peter through my tear stained eyes.
“What’s the problem?” Peter’s voice was steady but I could hear his concern. He didn’t wait for an answer. “Come into my office Andi.” It was an order.
I got up off my chair still wiping the tears from my eyes. Rhona got up to give me room. I took two steps and Peter put his arm around my shoulders. I felt a bit comforted as he escorted me down the hall to his office. Rhona followed in tow.
“Rhona, please get Andi some coffee or…” He gazed down into my eyes. “…water. Something to drink…”
“Coffee please…?” I whispered to Rhona with a very weak smile.
She nodded and went to fetch me a cup. Peter steered me toward the couch in his office and I sat down. He took a seat next to me and grasped my hands in his. He looked at me with a furrowed brow. I stared down at my hands in his.
“It’s…complicated. I’m so confused.” I felt tears welling up again to blur my vision as I looked into his eyes.
“You’re what? Twenty one…?”
He smiled gently. “If you weren’t confused, there would really be something wrong with you. Anyway, you’re truly a gifted artist. We live in a world full of confusion and you put order to that confusion through your art.”
Well… That was true. I guess.
“When you look at me, what do you see?” I asked.
I watched his eyes very closely. Peter often expressed what he thought with his eyes.
“Well…?” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly between his lips. “To be quite open and honest? I see a beautiful young woman.” He was quick to add; “Not the Cosmo type, but certainly Vogue. You have a very exotic and enticing look about you.”
“I use to think of myself, the way I dressed, as…performance art. You know?” I sniffled and dabbed at my eyes and nose with the tissues. “But now I don’t know anymore. It’s gone beyond that. I never had any doubts about my gender.”
Rhona opened the door after a soft knocking and smiled as she handed me my cup of coffee. I thanked her and waited until she left closing the door behind her. I took a sip and looked back up into Peter’s eyes.
“But now…” My voice trailed off.
“Well…” Peter took another deep breath, exhaled, and sat back in the couch turning his body toward me. “The thing about performance art is that it has a beginning and an end. Once the performance is over, the artist resumes his, or her, regular life.”
“It’s gone beyond that…I think.”
Peter rested his arm on the couch top and his head against his palm as he listened.
“I mean I’m dressing full time now. I’ve already had a name change. Legal papers are being filed to have the gender on my driver’s license changed as well as other things. And I’ve been taking hormones.”
Peter suddenly sat upright and looked at me, again with furrowed brow.
“Yeah… I guess you can say it’s gone beyond that. What does Allie think about all of this?”
“Oh…” I brought my hands up, palms out and rolled my eyes upward. “Allie’s fine with all of this. In fact the hormones were kind of her idea.”
Peter’s eyebrows shot upward.
“You’re still seeing a doctor, right? I mean you’re not just taking hormones on your own?”
“Yes…! Of course…! She’s a specialist in endocrinology and I see her every month at this point.”
Peter leaned toward me and grasped my hands again.
“Are you seeing a therapist? This sounds like something you really need to discuss.” Before I could answer Peter added: “Have you discussed this with Allie at all?”
“Well…” I took a deep breath this time. “Sort of…? I mean this really didn’t become a major thing until last night. And she seemed to kind of shrug it off. Well… Maybe not shrug it off but she’s fine with whatever I do and whatever I decide?”
“Have you ever thought…?” Peter paused for a long moment. “Have you ever thought that maybe you’re really transgendered? That maybe you were born into the wrong body? Or that…” Peter paused for a moment searching for the right words. “Your body simply has the wrong soul inhabiting it?”
I stared at him for a long moment. I was willing to accept that…maybe…no…definitely. I was bi-sexual for sure. And I was even willing to accept that Allie was as well. But being born into the wrong body; the wrong gender? That never occurred to me at all. My tears abated for a moment and I sat and stared at Peter.
“No, I never thought about that. I certainly never felt that I was. I mean I did dress to kind of conform to an image of myself that I had in my head. But I know that this has gone far beyond that image. Or I should say that the image has become far more…more defined…more…refined than it originally was?”
“Honestly Andi… I really don’t care how you come to work or present yourself. You’re so fucking talented that you could come wearing a large paper bag. But as a friend, and I do think of you as a friend, you really need to have a very serious talk with Allie and tell her what you’ve told me.”
Peter turned his head and seemed to look off into the distance. He stayed that way for several moments. He had something to say and was thinking of how to say it. I had become so very accustomed to his mannerisms and what they meant. He finally looked back at me, into my eyes. And he took both my hands in his again.
“You and Allie are very lucky to have found one another. You two are soul mates.” I blushed Tuscan red and kind of shrugged my shoulders. “No… Seriously Andi... I noticed the way you two interacted during my New Year’s Eve party. The two of you were almost always together. And when you were with my daughter, she went from room to room looking for you. She needed to feel that connection. If she is your muse, then you need to follow her.”
“But…”
“There simply are no ‘buts’ Andi.” Peter smiled…paternally at me? “I don’t mind admitting that I’ve always found you to be…well…attractive. And I must admit that having you all to myself has, on more than a rare occasion, led me to distraction. And certainly I could treat you like…” Peter had to chuckle. “…like a princess? But I could never have that magic something that you have with her. And as much as it pains me…I could never do for you what she does. She completes you.”
I could see Peter was being as serious as I’ve ever seen him be. And he was brutalizing himself with his honesty. I stared at my hands as I thought about what he said.
“You just need to give into it Andi. Don’t fight it. Just give in to it and see where it takes you. See where she takes you.” Peter chuckled again. “The two of you are so in love with one another it’s almost sickening. I only wish I could feel that way about someone. You need to follow your muse.”
I needed to follow my muse. Hmmm… As if I’d ever done anything but listen to Allie. I felt somewhat better speaking with Peter and now I understood why he backed off hitting on me? He saw that we were so very close and I guess, being the total gentleman he is, he didn’t want to even attempt to come between us.
“Thank you so much Peter.” I leaned over and hugged him and kissed his cheek.
I received a call from Allie around three. She told me that Joan Watson, our attorney, had managed to accomplish everything we need done. She was so full of excitement. Not only would my identification match my outward appearance but Allie, with Joan’s assistance, also managed to get her funds moved to a new funds managing company. Now I felt we were both invincible? As if…
When I arrived home I was back to my usual good mood. I got upstairs only to find Allie in tears. She was sitting in the kitchen with her head in her hands and a stack of used tissues in front of her. I rushed to her side and embraced her.
“What’s wrong sweet heart?”
Between sniffles and tears she managed to blurt out the problem.
“My fucking parents…! They got on me about moving my money and they went on and on saying these…these evil things. Then I told them I was pregnant…”
“You mean they didn’t know?”
I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that Allie hadn’t told them. I just assumed… And it’s been three going on four months?
“And then they asked if I knew who the father was. Can you believe that?” She looked up at me with anger in her eyes. “Like I would simply choose anyone…as if I was some kind of…some kind of whore…!”
She burst into tears again.
“And when I told them it was you…they didn’t believe me. They thought I was being…” Poor Allie sounded so exasperated. “…being… I don’t know what.”
And I thought I had a problem. All of my cares seemed to evaporate with the hurt of my poor Allie.
“Well… Maybe we should go and see them.” That certainly seemed quite reasonable to me in spite of their hatefulness.
“They don’t want to see me.”
She burst into tears again. “They don’t want me to call or even write. They said they wanted nothing to do with me. My father called you a fag and all sorts of terrible names. My mother still thinks we’re lesbians and that we did the turkey baster thing.”
‘Turkey baster thing’…? What the hell is that? I listened as I held her and I hugged her whilst resting my head upon her quivering shoulders. I simply couldn’t understand how anyone’s parents would act as Allie’s had.
Considering they had everything to give her that my mom never did, nor could, I couldn’t understand their hostility. I thought that anyone who had a child as good and kind and productive as her would have thought themselves among the fortunate and blessed.
I couldn’t help but feel that this was because of me. The manner I chose to identify myself in public was too much for them to understand. I mean… That was the cause of my angst anyway. I kissed the top of Allie’s head.
“Look… If I changed…if I started wearing guys’ cloths…”
Allie shot up and burst free of my arms. She grasped my arms so tightly that it hurt.
“Don’t you dare! Don’t you change for anyone; certainly not for them and certainly not for me. This is who you are and this is the way you should remain. At least for as long as you desire. I love you just as you are. Fuck my parents!”
Allie was as angry as I’d ever seen her. Here face was blood red and her gorgeous features were twisted into a horrid snarl. And she rarely profaned outside the bedroom.
“And fuck the world...!”
She suddenly hugged me to her and rested her chin on my shoulder. She almost whispered into my ear.
“You’re the only one that matters to me. You’re the only one I love; you and our child.”
I had tears in my eyes. I admired Allie’s strength. Indeed I envied it. To simply kiss everyone off and live one’s life as one chooses is a very brave decision; especially when one had to forgo the only thing I really lacked; a family and roots. I certainly had no problem following Allie whatever route she chose for herself, for me, or for us.
“I’m with you sweet heart; all the way. Whatever you want to do I am with you.”
What else could I do? I was rejected for all of my childhood…short as it was. We kissed, or I should say that Allie kissed me. And her kiss was full of passion as well as emotion. But, in truth, it was at least half desire because she then bent me back, her embrace firm, and simply took my breath away.
Allie pushed me toward our bedroom; our lips still locked together. As we went on our way, we both began to shed our clothing, leaving a trail through the cave and the room between the cave and our bedroom. We both were down to our panties as we entered. Our lips parted when Allie pushed me down and onto my back on the bed.
“There’s no escaping from me.”
Allie’s eyes bore right into my very soul. She got onto the bed on her hands and knees. “Now I have you where I want you…” Her eyes were alight with excitement and passion as she straddled my waist. “…and I’m never letting you go.”
I was very surprised at her extremely aggressive tack but I must say that I also found it very…exciting? I mean I was already more than semi stiff as she nearly ripped my panty off! Allie didn’t smile the entire time. She needed to feel connected as Peter put it.
“Yesss…” Allie hissed as she grasped my dick.
Without another sound, she moved her gusset aside and slipped me directly into her.
“Mmmm… That is so good.”
She spoke in a raspy voice with her face uplifted and her Alizarin redden eyes closed.
I couldn’t believe how amazing it felt to be in her. Allie was moaning and contracting her vaginal muscles squeezing my dick. I closed my eyes in ecstasy and reached out for her now even more pendulous breasts. I felt Allie move and, upon opening my eyes, I saw her bend down toward me.
Allie’s baby bump made the trip down to me a bit more difficult. She brought her face down to mine and kissed me. I was particularly sensitive to sensation of our lipstick-coated lips meshing together. The images in my mind of the colors blending and the slick feeling combined to form such an amazing experience that I knew I had to get it down on canvas. But not at this exact moment…!
I softly moved my hands down her back and along her thighs relishing the touching of those curves that so entranced me. I closed my eyes as I moved my hands around to her tummy and the child growing within.
I opened my eyes and, with tears forming and a smile on my face, I told her that I loved her and would be hers forever. I felt so strange echoing what she had said to me earlier. But I meant every word.
I could feel her squeeze my dick as she slowly raised and lowered herself upon me. I began to move in a counter rhythm as we gazed into one another’s eyes. My hands went to her breasts again and I began to palpate them. They were beginning to show the effects of the hormone surges that have flooded her body since becoming pregnant. Those magnificent globes felt larger and firmer than ever.
Neither of us lasted long. All it really took was for Allie to contort her body and latch onto one of my nipples with her lips and I came in her with a rather load groan. My orgasm seemed to trigger hers as well and she threw her head back with a grimace upon her face as she cried out quite loudly and wet the both of us...and the bed. She collapsed atop me and slowly rolled over bringing me atop of her.
Allie lay upon her back…
…with me in her arms as usual. I could see that she was still rose red flushed with the excitement of our efforts. I gazed down between her breasts to the baby bump. I slowly rubbed her belly in a circular moment and closed my eyes. I wanted to imprint, in my mind, the feeling of that new addition to her already lush body.
I wondered what it felt like. I wondered what I would look like with a life growing in my tummy. I would have given anything…no…everything… to be her if for only a few brief moments. What a miracle women are. What a miracle Allie was. What a miracle we were in the midst of. I never realized just how captivated I would become with Allie’s body and the changes she was undergoing.
Later that evening I began to sketch myself in a nude profile. I used her magnificent form so deeply etched in my mind. I started to draw myself with her body shape and its amazing changes. I made sketch after sketch with my dick being obscured. I looked like an anorexic version of her with my little bumps of breasts and my not so little bump of baby.
I did everything I possibly could to mimic her belly. When I did my daily enema to clean myself, in the event Allie wanted to play that evening, I tried to take in enough water but I couldn’t before the discomfort became overwhelming. Then I tried air with a little more success. But it still wasn’t quite enough and I would wind up spending the rest of the morning embarrassing myself as I expelling random bursts at work.
Then I did the ridiculous. I purchased two rolls of Mentos and a quart of soda. I waited until the weekend and then I did it. I ate all the Mentos and drank the entire quart of soda. My tummy began to expand with the release of gas and it wouldn’t stop. I thought I would explode and leave a bloody mess all over the walls.
The sensation of me expanding couldn’t be called pleasant? But I would definitely label it sensual. I felt as if I was watching a baby rapidly growing in me and there was no way I could stop it. I felt the urge to belch but I fought that back. I began to massage my ever growing tummy to ease the pain. Allie walked in and, after slapping her cheeks with her hands, in shock she asked what I was doing.
“I just wanted to see…to feel…to know what it is like.” I moaned as the gas continued to expand within me.
“Oh my God…!”
Allie laughed. “You’re so crazy. Take off your tee shirt and let me see.”
She came to my side and, as I removed my tee shirt, rubbed my belly.
“That is so amazing.”
Allie giggled. She was…excited?
“I have to get pictures of this…and of us!!!”
I stood in our bedroom groaning and moaning and fighting the temptation to let out one long and loud burp as Allie went to get her camera and tripod. I had to slip the front of my panty waistband down beneath my expanded belly as I continued to gently rub my ‘baby bump’ in a circular motion with my other hand.
It took Allie forever to set up her equipment and undressed. Or at least it felt that way as my belly continued to expand with the gas. Finally she was ready. Allie rested flat on her back next to me and began to remotely snap the shutter for picture after picture.
At first I felt…exposed. I held one hand and arm over my boobs and the other covering my crotch. Allie noticed and mimicked me at first. But then, after the first few shots, she pulled my hand to her so that I was hiding her nipples and she was hiding mine.
Then Allie took some pictures of us rubbing our bellies and then one another’s as well. She even got some with us standing back to back. We had some holding hands and in various other poses. She kept this up for about half an hour until I couldn’t hold the gas in any longer. I let out with the all-time longest and loudest burp in history…or at least in my personal history.
Once Allie stopped laughing and got her camera equipment put away, we settled down in the cave and talked about what I had done. She knew why immediately but she wanted to know more…like if I had any questions. I had a thousand of them but didn’t know where to really begin.
“This whole pregnancy thing…it’s like a wonderful mystery to me. It’s something I really wish I could experience, you know?”
“Well…” Allie giggled as she turned toward me, putting her legs upon my lap. “You’d have to be a woman for that to happen.”
“I know.” There was more than a touch of disappointment in my voice. “But if I could, even for a day or something, it would be wonderful.”
“Well…?” Allie rolled her eyes upward with a wide grin. “Which part would you like; the barfing every morning for weeks part? The outgrowing everything you’ve ever owned; the acid indigestion; or maybe the feeling that you’re slowly exploding from the inside outward? And…” She held up her index finger to emphasize what she was saying. “We’re only a little over one third of the way there! We still have the summer’s heat to contend with!”
I blushed several new shades of yet to be named red; one after the other. And I nervously giggled and smiled. The truth is that I wanted to feel all of that and I couldn’t fathom why. After all, I was a guy. And maybe other guys felt as I did; or did they? The only one I could ask was Peter and I wasn’t up to the task of asking him…or embarrassing myself.
“You don’t think it’s weird…do you?” I felt too embarrassed to look at Allie. “I mean…ummm…you know…wanting to know what it’s like?”
“No… Of course not silly rabbit...” Allie laughed. “I would think it’s a little weird if you didn’t want to know. After all, you are the baby daddy. But…”
Allie suddenly put on her serious face as she leaned forward toward me.
“I don’t want you to do weird stuff like that thing with the Mentos again. What happens when I’m in my last trimester and you want to see how you’d look? What are you going to do, eat a case of them and drink a gallon of soda?”
“Yeah…”
I nodded sadly and turned an even redder also to be named shade of red. I was still burping up gas.
“I won’t do that again.” I said softly.
“Of course…” Allie smiled wickedly. “In Sweden they’re transplanting women’s plumbing into other women who don’t have a functioning uterus. I think they’re beginning to do it for trans women as well. One ‘GG’ woman actually gave birth to a normal and quite healthy child.”
“But that would mean…” Allie didn’t let me finish my thought.
“Yes…!” She giggled. “It certainly would. But think of the possibilities.”
“I think I’ll pass on that today.” But the seed that had been sown was now watered.
“Good. What we can do, once we start taking the classes…” Allie grinned.
“Classes…? What classes…?” We need to take classes?
“You’re so silly sometimes.” Allie laughed. “Of course we have to take classes; coaching classes. Stuff like breathing when I go into labor and learning what to do and how to care for a newborn. I mean you do want in on all that stuff.”
I looked at Allie in total awe. I really hadn’t given any thought to this stuff. I thought this stuff just sort of happened. You know…?
“So you’re one of those people who think that all women are born with a genetically imbedded manual for child birth and care.” Allie laughed…thankfully. “And I want a full time nurse for at least the first two weeks afterward.” She rolled her eyes upward in thought and added. “Just in the event I need a C-section or something...”
A nurse, surgery, classes, oh my God what’s next.
“And…” Allie added, almost as an afterthought. “We need to remodel the office space into a nursery. We can use some other space as an office area.”
Great…
“And…”
‘What else could we possibly need’ I thought.
“We’ll both need a nursing coach to learn how to properly breast feed.”
Hearing our baby’s heart beat had a bigger impact upon me than anything else I had ever experienced. The event really took a day or two to absorb. I listened to the sound dozens of times from my phone recording until I could hear it in my head.
Every time I thought about Allie I envisioned that tiny sacred life growing within her. And every time I cast my eyes upon Allie and her baby bump I saw two human beings and not simply one.
I became manic. I wouldn’t let her do a thing in our home…OUR home. I became one of those people who texts their significant other ninety times a day. I would barely let Allie lift a spoon let alone anything with more substance to it. I did most of the cooking and all the cleaning even though the cleaning service now came three times a week. Though we often shopped on the weekend together, I purchased one of those ‘little old lady’ carts to haul everything home.
Although Allie appreciated and understood what I was doing and why, she still thought of my efforts as a loss of her independence…at least at first. We even had one or two of our very rare animated discussions over my extra exertions doing the household thingy. But, in short order she began to enjoy the break from the usual that I afforded her and took a supervisory role. This seemed to please her as much as my efforts pleased me.
Allie’s sexual appetite didn’t diminish one bit. If anything, it increased! Allie would attack me whenever the mood struck her. One time I was putting our dishes into the dishwasher. She came up behind me and, without any warning or preliminaries, she hoisted up the back of my tee, pulled down the back of my panty, and she plunged her strap on dick into me in one swift motion.
Needless to say I squeaked…loudly...
…in a very high pitch and nearly jumped out of my skin. Thankfully she lubricated her dick very well. Of course the sensation shook me out of the dream world I was in. She took hold of me and, with her lube covered hand, stroked me using the motion her hips were pounding her dick into me. Once again we needed to wipe the counter, the floor, and one another after her profusely squirting.
This was only one example of Allie’s becoming the initiator of any and all sexual activity that occurred. It was also an example of the randomness of her desire. She would even ‘assault’ me in public when the mood struck her. In bed we spent more time involved in oral sex than anything else although I was still able to penetrate her on occasion. We did, thankfully, procure a large rubber under sheet for the bed.
‘Feathering the nest’ was a term I learned from both Rhona and Peter. This seemed to be an age-old custom that went hand in hand with the second trimester. Allie and I didn’t want to know the sex of the baby so the traditional pastel pink or blue walls didn’t seem appropriate.
I was almost completely cut out of the loop as far as Allie was concerned. I felt a bit put off considering I had the eye for color and design. But once Rhona explained that this was something I really had to take more than one step back from and why I needed to do so, I did so. Even as she prepared the nursery I had to remind myself. She told me the floral ‘A’ was for the first letters of our names. After all, Mother Nature decreed that…
…this was Allie’s nest.
Whilst this was all going on, I seemed to bury myself to a greater extent into my work; both in the office and at home. I would often come into work with a sigh on my lips and a stupid grin on my face. I would sit silently with Rhona having my morning coffee and suddenly begin to giggle as I recalled Allie and my sexual adventure the prior evening.
Of course Rhona would laugh knowing why I was being so…silly. She’d been there and done that as well. And Peter would walk in, take one look at me and begin to laugh as well. They said I had ‘that glow’. Oh…my…God…!
Susan and I were speaking every other day. She seemed to be as excited as we were about the impending ‘event’. Evidently Allie and Susan were also speaking quite frequently. Indeed they were becoming quite close. Susan and Allie were having lunch two or three times a week at Susan’s club; some sort of sorority on the Upper East Side near Susan’s new townhouse. They even began to have dinner every so often there.
Allie wouldn’t tell me much about their dining at the club other than she enjoyed Susan’s company and she enjoyed meeting some of the other women there. Evidently the service was excellent and the food…divine.
I sat one day in the office taking an inventory of my life to date. I felt torn between believing life to be quite grand and the sheer terror of having things almost too good to be true.
I had also entered into dark territory regarding my personal life style. That was quite frightening at times. I had come so far in such a short time that I almost couldn’t remember my life, or myself, nearly a year ago.
I was busier than ever between work, my upcoming showing, my art, that of Allie, and her pregnancy. I was a different person now. People relied upon me. I had friends…true friends; the kind of people who call you when they haven’t heard from you in a day or two. Bob Preston was grabbing everything he could lay his hands on. I had to hide the works showing Allie and myself nude and…pregnant?
I…we…were being invited places. I was flavor of the week. I…no…we…were on the ‘A’ list for openings, premiers of various sorts, and, of course, dinner parties. We began to carefully decide what to attend and when.
There are only so many hours in the day, the week, the month, and our first consideration was Allie’s physical condition and comfort. Of course any invitation from Jill, Peter or Susan never went neglected.
Indeed I was a different person and, thanks to Joan Watson’s efforts, I had proof; a new female identity. I guess gender can be as fluid as sexuality…at least in my case? Anyway, I had become more than accustomed to my ‘female side’ and I began to embrace it as never before.
Then came the week that everything turned to poopie shit. Allie received an invitation in the mail to her parents Memorial Day celebration; the beginning of the ‘season’. I was surprised after the last conversation Allie had with them. More over, I was a bit put off that my name wasn’t on the invite and it wasn’t even ‘plus one’.
“You haven’t told them?” I think I was actually angry with Allie; a first for us. “They don’t know that we’re still together…or that our baby is still a work in progress?”
“Does your mother know at all?” She whined defensively.
Her face was beginning to redden burgundy but the changes were coming so quickly that a final color hadn’t been reached yet.
“My mother is a drunken, drugged out whore.
She hasn’t had a phone in years. She only calls me. I can’t call her…” I rolled my eyes upward in thought. “I probably wouldn’t tell her anyway.” I muttered.
We stared at one another; our eyes locked in a combat of impasse. Suddenly I couldn’t be angry with her. That Allie had issues with her parents affecting her deeply couldn’t be denied. It was entirely on me to give her the strength to face those festering issues and overcome them.
“Look sweet heart…” I reached my hands out across the island counter to grasp hers. “When you think about it, we’re totally untouchable.”
Allie’s expression softened and her color returned slowly to its normal peaches and cream.
“You have your own money…”
“Our money…?” She smiled and giggled.
“Okay… Our money…” I returned her smile and giggle in kind. “We have our home and our careers. We even have our own places to be and events to attend. There is nothing they can do to affect our lives. We simply don’t need anything from them and we certainly don’t need their stupid party. But I think we should at least tell them that we’re blowing them off.”
“Oh God…”
Allie sighed as she got up and walked around to me. She took my face in her hands and gently kissed my forehead. Then she planted herself on my lap.
“I just don’t know how I’m going to explain.”
I could hear the exasperation in her voice. I felt a tear or two as we held each other in a very comfortable silence, Allie’s head resting upon mine.
“So you’ve spoken to them recently.” I was a bit surprised that she hadn’t told me.
“My dad was still pissed about me moving my money. He could no longer call the shots on how it was being handled; as if he knew how to anyway. He’s such a control freak.” She spat out the last few words. “Then my mother got on the phone…and…”
I was so very saddened, and angered, to think of what her mother must have said. I was totally heartbroken over Allie’s distress. And as I held her and felt her entire body quiver as she silently sobbed, I couldn’t help but understand her pain.
Whilst I was neglected by my mother and had learned to so dissociate myself from her that I rarely even remembered she existed, consciously at least, Allie’s parents were ever present…at least in her mind.
Fear is the greatest threat to a truly deep and meaningful relationship. And I knew, even then, we both had to confront our personal fears and demons and move on from there. Allie’s fear of her parents’ disapproval was overwhelming. One would think that she would be past it all, but her parents had done a truly wonderful job of trying to mentally beat any individuality out of her.
Poor Allie had no real way of introducing me formally to her parents. I understood her dilemma. ‘Folks, I want you to meet the father of your grandchild.’ And there I am in my finest afternoon tea skirt and blouse. I certainly wasn’t prepared to closet my true self simply for the sake of ‘propriety’? And, in truth, Allie didn’t want me to be anything other than who, and what, I am.
But she also knew that they had to be dealt with. I was going to be as supportive, encouraging and compassionate as I could be. We both seemed to know what the outcome would be anyway. I helped to prepare her for the harshness, the shallow and callousness, and the acrid tirade that would follow. My dearest Allie made the call and put it on speaker.
“Hi… I’m having the baby after all.”
She was as bright and cheerful as she could be, smile and all. Allie’s father was way less than pleased.
“What…? You should have aborted that…that aberration immediately!” Her mother was on the phone as well.
“What…! Andi is the father.”
“You still associate with that… that vile perverted creature!!!” Her father sounded truly astonished.
“You always made the poorest decisions!” Her mother was in tears. “You should give up that life style and that menial job and come back home. If you insist on playing with clay you can do it from home as a hobby.”
They went on and on and on. They were brutal and unrelenting in their attack upon poor Allie. To her credit, she remained as calm as she could be until finally I had enough. I scribbled words on a pad and handed it to her. Allie recited them with newly found calmness and serenity as I kissed her cheek and held her hand.
“Mom…? Dad…? This call was simply a courtesy and nothing else.”
Allie ad-libbed the rest of what she said.
“I really am not interested in your opinions of condemnations. And I’m afraid we’re already booked for Memorial Day.”
That if fact, was the truth…
“And …” Allie continued with a bit more emphasis. “When you come to your senses give us…” She emphasized ‘us’. “… a call.” And she abruptly ended the call.
I couldn’t have been more proud of Allie. I took her trembling hands and kissed her trembling cheek. Allie’s face flushed tulip pink and her eyes belied the fact that she was verging on tears.
I know what the feeling of being caught between anger and sadness is like. I gave her a moment to catch her breath and compose herself. Then I hugged her and told her that I truly loved her and we truly only needed one another in this life.
Dealing with my own inadequacies was a totally different challenge. As time went on and we entered the fourth month of Allie’s pregnancy, my work began to take on a totally different look. By profession I am an artist. Whether I’m any good is really based upon the opinion of those that view my work. So, by the nature of my beast, I am insecure although I had enough faith in my skills to avoid being too self-absorbed and too self-centered.
My work began to assume a more…abstract look? Faces became more fractured and the bodies that were once smooth and flowing now had sharper edges and incongruities. The coloration began more muted and backgrounds flowed into the foreground. I believed this represented the conflicts that were raging within me.
Whilst others, in particular Susan, Peter and Bob, celebrated what I was creating, I felt nothing but a spiritual emptiness. I didn’t feel that I was controlling what I was imaging. Oh sure, I could still paint or draw an exact image of something…anything. But when I let myself go all that came out was this fractured sort of replication of life as I envisioned it.
In truth, I was adrift. I could no longer state that I was a man…or a male for that matter. My hormone regimen was causing Allie and me to make oral sex a more important part of our sexual life. I could no longer depend upon being erect. Although I was never really dominant in our bedroom, I couldn’t even count on penetrating her when she was on top.
As a result I began to worry even more about being able to satisfy Allie sexually. She never stated anything to that effect. But I couldn’t help feeling that having a nice stiffy was crucial to her sexual and emotional health. And, to complicate things even further, I was beginning to perhaps obsess upon having someone else’s stiffy to play with.
My inner conflict became so very all-encompassing that everything in my life seemed to come to a screeching halt. My work for Peter suffered. My very means of expression was becoming incomprehensible to me.
I was distracted at home and oblivious to Allie and her needs. And I was even having trouble deciding what to wear and when to wear it. Thankfully Susan called. She hadn’t heard from me in a few days and became concerned.
“So… What’s up with you, girlfriend? I haven’t heard a word from you all week.”
I could hear a genuine concern in her voice. Her greeting never bothered me before but, in my present state of mind, the word ‘girlfriend’ felt like a thorn in my side. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly as I tried to gather my thoughts.
“I’m so confused.”
“Aw… You poor baby… Tell me all about it.” She really sounded concerned now.
So I did. I unloaded everything…and I mean everything…upon Susan. She listened patiently as my voice went from sheer exasperation to a quavering, sobbing, tearful plea.
I ended my, in retrospect, self-indulgent monologue with, “I just don’t know what to do. Maybe I should see someone? You know. A shrink…?”
“WHAT…!” Susan was quite shocked at my suggestion. “And resolve all your issues? That would certainly ruin any other form of expression.”
“Then what should I do? I’m so…unhappy…so…confused.” I dabbed my nose as I spoke.
“Oh honey…” I could envision her sympathetic expression from the sound of her voice. “It’s so easy. You think too much. You’re an artist. Don’t think… Just feel...”
“Huh?”
“You need to submit. Stop fighting with yourself.”
“I don’t understand.” I had no idea of what Susan was saying.
“Submit yourself completely and totally…to your muse.” Susan chuckled but there was…warmth to the sound?
“My muse? My muse is Allie.”
“Yes… I know. Let her lead and you follow. Don’t question and don’t think. You were born to put your feelings, your emotions, into your work. When you think, you instantly disconnect yourself from what you really feel. You are so very lucky to have her. If you really want to think…think about this. Every other piece you do is of her, or about her.”
Susan was right. My creativity and body of work is directly connected to my fascination with her, indeed my obsession with her? From the very moment I saw Allie I was totally entranced.
“Your Allie is incredibly powerful and she hasn’t even begun to experience just how powerful she really is, and can be. But I will teach her. And she will blossom like a wonderful tea rose with more petals then even you can ever imagine. She is one of us, a true sister. She is one of the very few. And you will be truly amazing at her power to heal you. But you must submit yourself to her; her power and her being.”
I felt I knew what Susan was saying? I sat quietly trying to absorb all she had just said. I didn’t understand the ‘she is one of us…a sister’ at all.
“I thought I was submitting…or at least I am submissive to her anyway.”
“Oh honey, I am so glad you called me about this business. Let me give you an example.” Susan paused for a moment.
“Okay…”
“You should really be having this conversation with Allie. If you feel like sucking a cock, or getting fucked by one for that matter, you need to tell her. You need to tell Allie whatever is troubling you; all your little thoughts; all your little sins. Whether you realize it or not, you are her most prized possession. She will make sure that you are kept happy and…unconfused? Your issues are of the utmost importance to her.”
“I understand that.”
I should be confiding in Allie more than I have been. There should be no secrets between us.
“And another thing…” Susan’s voice softened a bit. “I have brought Allie’s name up for membership in our women’s…” I could almost ‘see’ Susan searching for the proper word. “…organization. It’s more of a sorority really. Anyway, you can be an enormous asset to her. This is between you and me for the moment. But if she does raise the issue, you must encourage her to join. This will be to both your benefits.”
“Is this why you two have been having lunches and dinners together?”
I must have sounded so clueless that Susan chuckled.
“Yes dear… I wanted her to see what we have to offer as well as introduce her to some of the other members. Your Doctor Weintraub is a member as is Joan Watson; though she is a junior member. We do take special care of our own you know.”
Suddenly many things became clear. That’s why things that normally took ages and reams of paperwork to accomplish were done in a matter of several days.
“Our Allie…” ‘Our Allie’…? I kind of liked that appellation of personal concern. “…is a very special young woman. She is a princess on the verge of becoming a queen; certainly your queen. And you must treat her as such. I have little doubt that you will because you are quite special as well.”
Susan made many things clear to me, for me. Although there was still a bit of mystery surrounding this entire relationship between Allie and Susan and this…sorority, I did feel quite a bit better about things in general; especially Allie and me.
“One other point to mention…” Susan chuckled. “You are as important to her as she is to you. I know the way you support her…and trust me…you do support her. Without you she truly is an empty shell. You fill up her great void and it’s important that you continue doing so.”
I was somewhat stunned. From the gist of our conversation I took it to be about Allie and her needs. But in truth it was about my own. Susan was right, as usual. I had this need to fill Allie with myself. That’s the one piece that was missing. Perhaps I couldn’t do it physically but I could do it spiritually.
“I don’t know how to thank you Susan. You really are a dream.”
“Look sweet heart, if I didn’t feel you were worth the time, I wouldn’t spend it. You both are very important to me and you can call me anytime. Anytime…”
I got that warm fuzzy feeling after speaking with Susan. I knew she was right. I should have been confiding in Allie all along. There had to be no secrets between us. I had to eliminate the fear I had of telling her my inner most thoughts.
I thought the entire thing out in my mind. I thought about what I was going to say and how I would say it. I even thought of a few excellent gestures to execute at very those meaningful moments. Of course it never works out that way.
Will Andi opt for a replacing of her plumbing? Will Andi then go the In Vitro route? Will Allie post those photos of Andi on the net? Will Allie join that mysteriously secretive sorority that everyone except Andi knows about? Will Allie receive her Captain Midnight secret decoder ring? Will Andi be showing as much as Allie will be? Be sure to read the next lo-cal, 2% fat installment of the adventures of ‘Andi and Allie’!!!
Andi and Allie - Chapter 27
‘There…but for the grace of God…go I.’
Allie walked in like nothing short of a hurricane. She dropped everything on the floor and immediately attacked me! She wrapped me in her arms, pushed me up against the closest wall, and kissed me as though she wanted to suck my soul out through my mouth. I had to catch my breath when our lips parted.
“I am having such an intense hormone rush that I can’t resist attacking you.” Even Allie’s laugh sounded lewd.
Then she bent me backward. I had to wrap my arms around her neck and shoulders to prevent myself from falling. She kissed me again with an intensity that left me breathless as she worked her hand beneath my blouse and, in one seamless motion, undid my bra clasp.
“Honey please… We need to talk.”
I spoke almost in a whisper as I tried to regain my breath. Allie gazed at me with one of the most serious expressions of sincerity I have ever seen on her gorgeous face.
“I want to fuck your brains out right here and right now!!!”
Allie was completely overwhelming me. I had never seen her quite this excited before? My wide eyed, opened mouth expression must have signaled my shock and surprised. She kissed me again and this time she squeezed my nipple sharply enough to elicit a muffled moan as ten thousand volts of electricity shot through my body. I tried to fend her off.
“Honey…”
“Not now…!!!”
Allie was quite adamant as she pinned me back against the wall, her leg between mine. She reached down and began to raise the hem of my skirt until she could slip her hands down the back of my panty. She began to massage…rather vigorously I might add…my butt cheeks as she kissed my neck and nibbled on my ear lobes.
“I want you so much!” Allie spoke in a smoky voice.
I’m sure if she wasn’t pregnant, or at least as pregnant as she currently exhibited, Allie would have lifted me up in her arms and carried me into our bedroom. And, I have to admit, I found her rather vigorous attentions to be…hot! She was turning me on more than she had ever done before. Then Allie reached around the front of my panty to grasp the mortal remains of my dick and gnads in her heated palm. Oh my…!!!
“Let’s go! Right now…!”
She tugged at me and I naturally had to follow her. Allie kicked off her sneakers and began to undo what she could with one hand as she led me into our bedroom. I, in turn, tried to take off what I could. We left a trail of shoes, skirts, panties and such along the way in our wake.
Allie positioned me with my back to the bed before she let go of my….parts? I quickly finished undressing myself and Allie. I placed my hands upon her ever growing tummy and gazed at it with wonder in my eyes. I still found it a miracle to think that someone, some part of Allie and of me, was growing in there.
Allie placed her hands upon my face and kissed me again. This kiss was short but heated none-the-less. As we parted lips Allie moved her hands gently down my neck and under my arms coming to a rest atop my breasts.
Now more than merely bumps, I actually had just enough for her to almost gently cup in her hands. She spread her fingers enough to capture my nipples and, as she looked deeply into my eyes from no more than a half a foot away, she gently, but firmly, squeezed them eliciting a moan from me.
“I am so swampy.” She crooned in her lusty contra alto voce.
Allie had explained that women don’t get horny, they become swampy. And having personally experienced her becoming quite ‘swampy’, like Great Lakes swampy, I knew exactly what she desired…or at least what I thought she did. The big question was could I deliver. In spite of her amorous administrations I had yet to become erect. I was certainly turned on but… I mean it’s not that I didn’t want to. But… But Allie had other ideas.
She pushed me back down onto the bed and closely followed. As I crept toward the center, she slowly followed with the most lurid grin ever. Allie crept right atop me straddling my hips. She sat up and, after parting her nether lips, sat right atop my dick. I could feel her warmth, her heat, her…flowing wetness.
“Feel how wet I am. You do that to me!”
Allie very slowly began to rub herself against me. I shuddered along with her on each movement. She bent over till our lips met. The kiss was short but passionate and she again returned to her upright position never stopping her rubbing for an instant. She grasped my nipples between her thumbs and middle fingers and pinched them. My entire body quaked.
“Mmmm… You liked that…didn’t you? You naughty girl…”
Allie giggled and grinned lewdly. I could only nod my head as I felt an electric jolt shoot from my boobs to my navel and then, after gathering forces, down to my dick. Each time she pinched them the same result would occur. The intense feeling of my dick sliding between the lips of her slickened vagina was…electrically divine.
“Well…” Allie said with a sly look upon her face. “Let’s see what this does.”
She bent her head down to encompass my nipple and a good part of my boob in her mouth. Allie began to slowly ‘nurse’. She sucked and licked around my nubbin. She pulled at it with her lips and very gently bit it only to return to sucking.
My body began to shudder with each new stimulating tease. I found myself attempting to thrust into her with my now semi rigid dick. The movement of Allie’s hips became quicker to match my own reflexive thrusts. She removed her mouth and then gently blew on my nipple.
"Oh my God…oh my God…oh my God…!”
I continued to repeat those words between my moans and groans as I grabbed onto Allie’s hips to try and slow her ever quickening movements. Then she dove down again for my other breast and repeated her amazing torturous delights. Allie sucked as much of my boob into her mouth as she could until I groaned from the pain. She slowly released my aching flesh until all that remained was my nipple and the flesh around it. Allie began to suckle and, at the same time, wash her tongue over and around nipple.
I felt my entire being become even more electrified as I held onto her hips for dear life. My face contorted into a grimace and my mind couldn’t decide if I was dying of pain or pleasure…or both. After a few elongated moments of her treatment, Allie sucked me in again and slowly pulled her head upward. My back arched trying to remain entrapped within her mouth but finally I was released with a popping sound.
Allie giggled and brought her face up to mine; our eyes no more than inches apart. She grasped my cheeks in her hand and kissed me. It was one of those passionate needy kisses. I could see the desire and want in her eyes just before I closed mine and settled into the sensation of our lips wrestling.
As our lips parted I opened my eyes to find her staring into mine. I wanted to reach up and gently touch her but I was afraid to break the spell she had woven; to lose that most precious moment in time. I was totally breathless.
“I do love you so much.” Allie’s eyes were ablaze as she spoke.
Before I could do little else but smile Allie moved her body and settled alongside me. She ran her hands down my body barely touching me. Then, with one of her incredibly mischievous smiles, she again turned around, dove down and engulfed my dick; the entire “Mickey Mouse”; ears and all…as usual.
“Ooohhh… Oh my God…” I groaned and I could hear her muffled giggle.
Allie’s tongue performed its magical dance as it swirled around my dick. I half raised myself so that I could wrap my arms around her thigh to brace myself. I pulled her body closer to me and buried my face in her fleshy and expanded waist. Her aromas were intoxicating. I could smell her excitement as it mingled with her cologne. As I moved my hand up the inside of Allie’s luscious thigh, I felt the heat and, even higher up, the moistness that had seeped out of her.
“Mmmm…” I could hear her muffled moan, her mouth and tongue not stopping their exciting dance for a moment.
Suddenly Allie broke free of my grip and brought her body around so that I was gazing directly up at her vagina. She lowered herself as much as her ever expanding tummy would allow. I could now feel the heat of her thighs on my face. The cacophony of aromas was over whelming.
We normally had our rituals we each would perform prior to going to bed. Let me be more exact; prior to having sex in bed. But tonight was a first for us. Allie’s sex drive was actually increasing as her…our…pregnancy advanced. Of course she had taken me at various times and locations without our usual preparations?
But those times were swift and unexpected; at the doorway when I came home. At the doorway when she came home. When I was involved doing the dishes. She would come up behind me and, after lifting the hem of whatever I was wearing, she would penetrate me with her…thingy?
But this was different. God, with her unearthly sense of humor, decided to put paradise right next to a toxic waste dump. And not only that…! She put it between two sets of sweat glands!!! I wasn’t prepared to deal with that. I was not only struck with her lovely cologne’s scent, but also the remains of the day. The odor of perspiration, evacuation, and God only knows what else, mixed with the scents of my dearest, deepest, and most treasured love.
I grasped Allie’s waist with my hands and pondered what I would do. My mind was suddenly cast back to those nights when my mother would come home, dripping her earnings of the evening on the floor has she staggered along to the bathroom. Every vile image of her, and her filthy habits, came flooding into my consciousness.
I stuck out my tongue and brought it up to Allie’s blood engorged lips and softly ran the tip along the moistened divide. I encountered something alien to me. It felt like a large grain of…sand? And then I felt another. I laid my head back and removed the one particle that remained attached. It was a little ball of toilet paper used to wipe after peeing.
That did it. I began to seriously gag as darkness set in. I was going to have a panic attack at the worst possible time and I didn’t know how to prevent it. Every reason I had stayed away from intimate contact with women shouted in my head.
This was the very reason why I felt more comfortable with men. Everything was out in the open with men. No hidden recesses or deep dark secrets. Only Allie’s voice brought me back to the here and now.
“Breathe through your mouth. I need this!”
The urgency in her voice snapped me back to the here and now.
She immediately dove back down and engulfed me with even greater furor. Her insistence, no, the commanding tones of her voice, startled me. She would sometimes bark commands at me but they were always accompanied by a smile as if to say ‘I’m messing with you a little’. This was quite different. There certainly was no ‘smile’ in her voice. She wanted, no, she needed me to please her.
I raised my head upon again and, this time breathing through my mouth, applying my flattened tongue to Allie’s pussy. Almost immediately, with a stifled moan of pleasure, she bucked her hips. I began to slowly lap the length of her slit. After only a few strokes, she groaned and she orgasmed, flooding my mouth with her fluids.
I slowly regain my senses and I continued my slow and leisurely lapping. Allie clamped my head between her thighs and held me tightly. She also began to slowly circle and tease my butt hole with cool slick lubricant.
Although we often used ‘toys’, I never expected what she did next. After arousing me with her torturously wonderful application, Allie suddenly thrust two fingers inside me. My head, in spite of her firm grip, shot up into her pussy. Now I was as muffled with my excitement as she was.
But Allie didn’t play fair. I couldn’t help but tighten up upon her two fingers and then she would withdraw them to the tips only to plunge three back in as I eased up. She was screwing me with her fingers and I was helping her. I moaned and I felt myself pulse and throb in Allie’s sweet, warm, moist mouth. She added a fourth and I yelped into her flooding vagina.
Allie began to drum on my prostate when she tired of thrusting into me. Oh my God… I had never felt such an exquisite torture. My eyes were wide open and must have expressed my stunned delight as she tapped away within me. And as I moaned and twitched and held onto the back of her thighs for dear life itself Allie simply giggled and began to move her fingers in a circular motion within me.
We were both bucking and rocking with our exertions. Every time Allie would exert a bit more pressure, I would spasm deeper and tighter onto her fingers. And every time I got tighter against her, she would moan in pleasure and rock herself back onto me. I felt as if I’d begun to pee. I was leaking profusely.
I held onto Allie’s waist for dear life. I was inundated with her wetness and my own perspiration from her body’s heat. I felt the constant increasing of my pleasure to heights I had never felt before. My mind became blank save for the one thought of when I was going to climax. The feeling almost verged on being painful. I felt my dick becoming so hard that I thought it would split open.
“OH…GOD…” I screamed as it finally happened.
"Faaahhhkkk"
I felt as if my dick exploded in Allie’s mouth. I could hear her muffled giggles as she continued her sucking, licking and finger pulsing. My head flew back onto the bed and my body arched and seemed to lock as my orgasm continued and my dick pulsated and pulsated. I had never felt anything as intense or as prolonged as what I felt at that moment.
I finally fell back onto the bed, totally spent. Allie had no mercy as she gently continued to suck and massage my prostate. I twitched as another pulse of electric pleasure rocketed swiftly through my body as I fought to catch my breath. Finally she could elicit no further twitches from my exhausted body so she gently removed her fingers and sat up.
“No more…please?” I could barely get the words out.
“That was…” Allie giggled as she turned and rested on her side next to me, cupping my dick and all in her hand. “…hot!”
“That was…” I turned into her body as she placed her arm around me pulling my head onto her shoulder. “…amazing. I seemed to cum forever.” I was still calming and trying to regain my breath.
“You even had a little stiffy.” Allie giggled. “By the way…your face is a mess although I do love the way you smell…” She laughed this time as she kissed me and licked my lips and around my mouth. “…and taste…at both ends. So… What did you want to talk to me about?”
The showing was upon us and I was frazzled…to say the least. Bob had taken all of my work; at least the pieces that were finished. He wanted the things we had kept, or I had given to Allie and we nearly had to eject him physically, or at least Allie almost did, from our home.
Allie had made appointments for us to have our hair and nails done. She arranged for a makeup stylist to attend us that afternoon at the apartment and for a car to drive us the few blocks to Bob’s gallery. She wasn’t thrilled about walking down the streets in a gown and I certainly felt the same.
My tuxedo had to go for emergency alterations. I now had new enlarged ‘parts’ of me? So the jacket had to be let out slightly to accommodate my boobs and the waist of the trousers needed to be taken in. The seam along the crotch needed a little loosening. It seems as though I’d developed a more rounded butt and hips?
I’d failed to notice the changes other than my breasts because I always let Allie decide what I should get and wear. Her tastes were so exquisite and stylish without being over the top. But this tuxedo had fit me well no more than…five months ago? I wore it last at Peter’s New Year’s Eve party and it fit perfectly!
Actually we both were having fashion issues…of sorts. Poor Allie’s issues were quite obvious. Nothing she presently owned fit her properly…if at all. And all of her fancy matched sets of undies were…too small? And to make things worse, her temple of the fashion Gods, Bloomies, had next to nothing for her condition.
To make things even more complicated, Allie only wore clothing that flowed. Nothing she now owned was ‘clingy’ or highly fitted. She loved simple, elegance, and comfort above all else. So off to Macys we went.
We should have begun at least one month ago. Now everything had to be purchased in one very long and tiring day. But, by the day’s end, Allie had all the mid-calf, maxis, knee length, and gowns she would need for the next few months.
To add to our mix, Susan joined us for the afternoon. She’s just one of those women one could kill! Susan only put on twelve pounds during her entire pregnancy. She was, as they say, all baby. Poor Allie had already put on twenty pounds and now had to watch her weight and dietary intake.
She needed new shoes because her ankles and feet had become swollen…flats or no more than one and a half inch heels. And she was at the outer edges of her cup size. Poor Allie was overflowing the bras she currently had. We were somewhat apprehensive about what would happen once she began nursing the baby and they became even larger.
Whilst Susan tried to make Allie feel better about her growing size…that ‘beached whale look’ as she put it…I couldn’t keep my eyes, or hands off of her. I was very discreet in that I touched her no differently than one woman might touch another. But my frequency of doing so was greater than otherwise might be…acceptable…in public?
Rather than becoming dumpier and frumpier, Allie’s words, not mine, I thought she was becoming more and more beautiful by the moment. Dozens of images flickered through my mind as I watched her every movement and facial expression. Susan simply stood close by and smiled and giggled. She knew what was going through my mind; the images and the thoughts.
My problem was the exact opposite. When one is a size two to four with a thirty two ‘B’ cup, the entire world is not at your feet. Everything always needs to be altered; at least jackets and dresses. And I just fit into the shoe size range of a woman’s ten. Our relationship was perfect. I wanted to be Allie and she wanted to be me.
And simply finding a comfortable bra that has some style is only slightly in front of total ridiculousness. Either the shoulder straps are falling down too far or riding up too high or the band does the same moving act. I seem to always be adjusting something. Now I realize why most women in general are performing these various contortions to make adjustments. Life was easier with my fake boobs.
And the real world wears sizes six to fourteen. So where does that leave me? I’m only one half step out of the teen’s department. To further complicate matters, I hated anything above the knee. Though Allie insisted I had wonderful and enviable legs, my own image was quite different. I abhorred bare shoulders except for the evenings out and choosing color was an entirely traumatic experience. That further narrowed my selection.
We both finally managed to trust the fashion sense of one another and we dressed for each other. I would blindly go with Allie’s suggestions and she would simply close her eyes and take mine. And with Susan accompanying us on a ‘girl’s’ day out, selection was taken even further out of our hands. Susan was endowed with exquisite taste.
The day of the opening we lazed most of the morning away having taken Friday off from work. What a delight it was to wake up next to my Allie and gaze at her till she opened her eyes. I luxuriated in the scent of her body and in its glorious warmth.
Although I had a very light breakfast…nerves you know…Allie couldn’t eat enough. I envied her appetite remembering that she was eating for two. We discussed the day as she ate. We were to be at the gallery by seven which meant that we would need to be dressed no later than six or so. This also meant that we would need to have at least a light meal before leaving.
Of course the early afternoon on would be appointment after appointment at the salon. Our nails and a normal mani-pedi could take up to an hour and a half or more. And then we needed to have our hair styled. Now that mine was of some length, I felt I had to do something with it. Allie wanted her hair to be curls after huge curls. She wanted to feel comfortable expecting a rather warm room filled with the anticipated crowd. But more than anything she wanted to look good.
This really didn’t leave us much time at all. Thankfully Jill came over to help get us ready. She even brought her outfit and we could ride over to the gallery together. Really I guess I was the easy one. After all, there isn’t much to getting into a suit. It was Allie who really needed the help.
Now… When the time came for me to decide what I was going to do about my hair…well…I kind of chickened out of anything really rad. But I did try something a bit different. I got an A-line bob that wedged back to about chin length. The front parted to one side and my face was framed by the front falling to below my chin and wedging up toward the back.
This definitely was a new look for me. I wasn’t sure of the style because my face is long to begin with but Allie thought that it added ‘drama’ to my look. It was almost a throwback to the nineteen twenties and that semi androgynous, but feminine, look of women in tuxedoes and their femme partners in long gowns; sort of decadent…but fun.
Of course Allie’s hair was a whole different story. But Allie’s stylist knew her trade because she did this wonderful ‘do entirely with hair pins. And this was obviously something she did quite frequently because it was accomplished within about twenty minutes from shampoo to smock off.
We washed and managed to dress just as the cosmetic stylist arrived. We set up a small table and chairs by the window between the bedrooms where the light was still good. Freddie, his name was Freddie, wanted to do me first because Allie’s look would take a bit longer.
Freddie was quite flamboyant in his manner and complimented me quite lavishly on my choice of the tuxedo. He even suggested that perhaps a scarf or a ribbon would be more stylish than the usual bow tie or regular tie. Hmmm…not a bad thought at all.
Anyway he was quick to shroud me in a smock and, after opening his huge double topped box containing far more of a color palette than was needed, he commenced his work. Now whilst there are those who would disagree with me, I believe that stylists are indeed artists. The only difference is that they work with living canvases and, unless photographed, or done in a portrait, their work is very transitory. It is truly of the moment.
Having had Allie do my face on occasion, I was quite accustomed to the moves and facial contortions necessary to achieve the desired look. Freddie worked quickly but with great surety. He was obviously most adept at his work and, knowing Allie, this was one area that she would never quibble over quality or price.
I couldn’t wait to see myself in the mirror when he finished. I went quickly to the bedroom and gazed at my reflection. The man was definitely a genius.
There was a difference.
It was not something one could definitely define but… A simple hint of color here and there and I had an evening look that seemed to be almost natural.
Of course Allie needed a more glamourous look. She was so incredibly beautiful to begin with that it was hard to envision what Freddie could possibly do to improve that beauty. Allie often wore cosmetics and did a great job of augmenting what she already had. But true to his reputation Freddie indeed did an amazing job of making my Allie look even more…dramatic? Her pale blue- grey eyes were surrounded by a smoky look, in greys and slates, which gave her an almost mysterious air.
I’d never seen Allie look more beautiful.
I must admit that we looked really great as Allie put the final touches on us; jewelry and such. Try as I might I couldn’t get a single morsel down. I was very nervous and, I supposed, with good reason. Certainly a lot of money was being spent to make the night particularly special. And Bob assured us that the ‘crème de la crème’ of the art collecting world, at least in New York, would be there.
My hands were shaking as I tried to put on a ring that Allie had handed me. I was taking slow deep breaths as she placed a deep electric blue ribbon around my neck and fastened it in place with a gold bejeweled broach with semi-precious stones; aquamarines, and such.
“Sweet heart…” Allie looked into my eyes with a serious expression on her face. “If we weren’t otherwise engaged to attend, I would take you to bed and fuck your brains out.” She giggled. “You look so…so hot!”
I giggled and blushed coral pink because I knew that was exactly what she was thinking, and was perfectly capable of doing. I smiled and hugged her to me, at least as close as I could with her tummy ever expanding. Allie’s arms around me made me feel so secure. I felt so very safe with her.
“You two look so wonderful together.”
I could see a tear form in her eye as Jill spoke. Allie took Jill’s hand and pulled her into our little hugging…circle?
“You look so wonderful.” She told Jill.
And indeed Jill did. This was such a special night and everybody close to us I’m sure would feel the same.
We did manage to get a little bit of food down and Jill and I had just a touch of wine which did help to steady my nerves a bit. The car arrived exactly on time and the chauffer rang our bell to announce his arrival. The three of us hurriedly put together the last few items into our purses. Freddie had left Allie and me the lipsticks and glosses he used so into our purses they went…and we went down the elevator to the street.
The short ride over to the gallery was amazing in that I hardly remembered a thing. Allie was on one side of me and Jill was on the other. I was so nervous that I trembled. Only one year out of art school and I was having my own showing…and at a very renowned gallery no less. I was so very much into my own little world that I failed to notice the commotion outside the gallery until we pulled up to the curb side.
“I don’t believe this.”
I curled one side of my lip in…horror? I had visions of having to fight my way in through the crowd.
“You should enjoy this while it lasts.” Jill chuckled. “You simply happen to be the flavor of the week and the flavors do change.”
“It’s okay baby doll… We’ll be with you all the time.” Allie smiled and took my hand into hers.
Thankfully Bob met us and escorted us through the crowd of people that had gathered. The flashing of cameras was nearly blinding and people were shouting my name wanting me to turn their way only to be blinded yet again. I don’t know how people, celebrities and such, put up with this all the time.
“You would not believe what is going on.” Bob spoke with a shortness of breath. “Your work is selling unlike anything I’ve ever seen, or even heard about, in years.” He took me by the arm to escort me through the doors. “I expected a good turnout but nothing like this.”
I felt the heat…the energy…of the crowded gallery as soon as we walked in. The place was jammed with people; none of whom I recognized. They seemed to rush up to us like a great wave in a storm and I found myself surrounded by them. As I gazed about all I could think was that they seemed to have no faces. They were totally unrecognizable.
I looked around for Allie and Jill but I seemed to be separated from them. Then I noticed that even Bob got lost in this mini throng. What could I do? I smiled and mouthed a soft ‘hello’ and moved away from the foyer into one of the two large display areas. Thankfully Jerry from the renowned Jerry and Ben of New Year’s Eve fame approached me; a face I knew.
“This work is incredible.” Jerry offered along with his great bulk in which I sought comfort and protection. “I love everything I’ve seen. You really are quite amazing. Hopefully we’ll have a bit of time to go through some of it. I really want to get into your creative process.” And as an afterthought he added; “You really look gorgeous tonight. I love what you’ve done with your hair.”
I smiled and thanked him for his compliments. And I stayed close to Jerry as people walked up to congratulate me and shake my hand.
“I’ll make sure we have some time together but I don’t know if that’ll happen tonight. This crowd is impossible.” I said quite sadly.
“Well I would like to make this Sunday’s edition.”
Jerry’s tone of voice was…slightly annoyed?
“Then tonight it shall be.”
I was surprised to hear Peter’s voice come from out of nowhere. As he walked up to us I thought how absolutely dazzling he appeared in his tuxedo. And Linda looked absolutely amazing in her gown. I couldn’t believe that they’d dressed for this occasion; but then again so had Bob and Jerry and Ben…of course.
“You look wonderful tonight. You must be so excited.” Peter took my arm as he spoke and Linda came to my other side to do the same.
“Oh my God… You both look amazing.” I guess this was like the changing of the guard because Jerry slipped away and into the crowd. “Is Lilly here?”
“She’s in the other room with Allie. They’re deep in discussion about Allie’s art…and yours no doubt. I really have to thank you for allowing Lilly to visit and work in your studio. Heaven forbid she work in her mother’s.” Linda laughed. “By the way… Your abstracts, especially the panels, are amazing.”
“Why thank you so much. I was a bit worried about showing them and I am so gratified you like them.” I blushed Ferrari red…and giggled nervously.
If someone as talented and gifted as Linda liked my abstracts, then they had to be…well…good? Peter laughed…of course.
“And I have Andi doing first rate graphics and package design. Do you realize that your work is going to be in super markets and hardware departments all over the country?”
“Is he at least paying you well?” Linda giggled.
I continued to smile and look down as I turned salmon red. I wasn’t accustomed to such lavish praise. I let them lead me around and through the people. We’d stop every so often to speak to someone but, to be honest, I barely remember doing so.
As we entered the other main room, I cast my eyes about looking for Allie. I finally found her amidst a group of women, several of whom I did know. Susan was among them as well as Doctor Weintraub; a real surprise. I saw that they were deep in conversation when Lilly came up to us.
“Hi sweet heart…” I embraced Lilly and softly kissed her cheek. “You look amazing in that gown.” She wore this amazing taupe silk gown. It was covered in floral appliques at the end of embroidered vines.. Lilly pirouetted for me.
She looked so…adult.
“Your art is so amazing Andi.”
Lilly was quite excited about all the activity…the people. “You must feel so happy that all these people came to see it.”
I smiled at her as I took her hand. I gazed around the room at everyone and at my work up on the walls.
“I don’t know that I would have put so much of it out there; you know what I mean?” She smiled and gazed up at me.
“I’m don't know.” I said. Lilly looked at me with curiosity in her eyes. “As artists…” I wanted to include her. “…we must give our work away. We must put it out there.” I looked around as I paused. “We must get a reflection of ourselves; to see who we are, and where we are.”
“Ahhh… I think I understand.” I thought she might. She is so very bright and talented. “It’s what you see and the way you see it and everything you feel about it?”
“Yeah…”
Seeing my work, and peoples reaction to it, was kind of like a mirror for me; a reality check. Was I really getting one this evening? Was I really that good? Suddenly Susan was upon us.
“Come honey…come meet some of your adoring public.”
Susan chuckled as she grasped both my hands and kissed my cheeks. Holding onto Lilly’s hand, perhaps as security, I was taken the few steps into the midst of the group of women surrounding Allie.
"Ladies…this is our…”
Susan looked at me with a very maternal smile? “This is Allie’s lovely Andi. And…” She gestured about the room with her free hand. “…this is her art.”
‘Her art’… I stood there momentarily shocked. I mean Allie didn’t say anything nor did Doctor Weintraub. I couldn’t very well stand there and tacitly agree…could I? But then again, I had decided to embrace this side of myself…sort of. Lilly simply giggled.
“And this lovely young lady is Lilly, Peter’s daughter.” Allie said with all the emotion of a mother?
The women surrounded Lilly and began to compliment her and ply her with questions. Susan finally gazed down at her with a benevolent smile.
"Perhaps one day, when you're a little older, you'll come and visit us at our sorority. Would you like that?"
"Yes... I would like that very much." Lilly grinned and blushed cardinal red.
"I'm going to return Lilly to Linda or Peter. I'll be right back." Allie smiled and was off with Lilly.
“I didn’t realize you had this kind of talent.” The voice belonged to Doctor Weintraub. “This work is very good.”
“Thank you…” What else could I say?
“You really seem to understand female anatomy as few artists do; the curves and such. You seem to glorify them. Or is it simply your muse?”
She looked directly into my eyes with her own piercing stare. I couldn’t help but blush Spanish red and cast my eyes downward.
“And the work you’re doing with Allie is also quite striking. It’s as though the two of you functioned as one. What you did is very much in the style of the piece. You two could be sister muses the way you work so well together.”
Again I didn’t know what to say. Allie was my inspiration, my muse, for sure. So it would be reasonable that our combined efforts would work well together. Anyway, Allie had a very strong artistic sensibility.
“Come sweet heart…”
I heard Allie’s voice before actually seeing her. I turned immediately to see her smiling face. “Let’s circulate a bit.”
She took my hand and began to lead me away from her group.
“Shouldn’t I meet your other friends?” Now I was curious. Who were they?
“It’s not necessary. You’ll meet them all again anyway.”
“Well… Who are they?”
“Oh…” Allie rolled her eyes and giggled. “Just some of my…sisters…to be? You know. They're from the sorority I was speaking about; the one that Susan belongs to.”
“Have you already joined?”
I smiled and nodded to one of the people I met earlier as we walked back the way I came and into the other large room.
“Well…sort of…it’s a process.”
“Can you be more obscure?” I giggled. But seriously…
“Oh… It’s a process baby doll. And of course they wanted to meet you, or at least see you.”
“But I didn’t meet any of them…other than Susan and the doctor who I already knew.”
I was becoming a bit exasperated because Allie was being less than forth right regarding this whole business.
“That’s okay… You will baby doll. They think we’re perfect for each other.”
Allie giggled and hugged my arm. Somehow that didn’t make me feel any better.
“Oh dear Lord…” Bob rushed up to us as he exclaimed. “I’ve never seen anything like this before. Everything is selling.” He grasped me by the shoulders. “You are amazing.”
He hugged me and kissed me…on the lips!
“I love you.” He turned to Allie and did the same. “You too… Your pottery is selling as well.”
Bob turned and looked around. “Champagne here…please!”
I hadn’t noticed but there were people walking through the crowd offering wines and little treats of various sorts. I suddenly found a glass in my hands. Allie immediately grabbed it and had a sip.
“Nice… Here baby doll….”
She handed the glass back to me and I drank it down rather quickly. Bob made sure another one replaced it though I was determined not to become to…heady?
There remainder of the evening went by in a blur. Several very renowned actors arrived as well as other people in the arts. There were even a few fashion models that strutted in and about. Evidently many of the more renown people knew each other and they all seemed to know Bob and, to my surprise, Peter. I was introduced to everyone though only the more famous faces remained in my mind.
Allie was taking everything in stride and she never left my side once she took hold of my arm. I felt the most secure with her even though I knew she had her little secrets; especially about those women she was so involved with.
Finally the crowd began to dissipate around ten or so. People were going to their late evening dinners and we were going to an after party at Peter’s. I did manage to spend some time with Jerry, Allie at my side. We went quickly from piece to piece and he would ask various questions, mostly about where the impetus for each piece came from and so on.
I did notice a small index sized card above each placard alongside a particular work announcing that it was indeed sold. On the reverse side was the name of the owner. I didn’t bother to look because, well, I didn’t want to know where my ’babies’ were going to or who now owned these little pieces of me.
We arrived up at Peter’s at around midnight. I knew I was exhausted but still running on adrenaline. Allie was really tired but she came along anyway with Jill assisting her. Peter had set out a breakfast spread of quiches, cheeses, smoked meats and fish and an assortment of breads. I was thankful of the opportunity to relieve myself of my jacket and to kick of my shoes. Allie collapsed on a loveseat and was more than content to have others serve her.
Fortunately the conversation was light and basically centered on the showing. I felt quite gratified that everyone thought it went very well. I was quite content to be sitting next to Allie and tending her needs. She had her feet up and in my lap and I was gently massaging them. Her ankles were swollen and I’m sure that even though she smiled and was as pleasant as could be, she would have rather been in bed.
Susan arrived fashionably late and spent some time speaking with Lilly before joining us. She was all aglow with excitement and praise. Evidently Allie was now a definite for membership in whatever little club they had going and Allie reflected Susan’s excitement. Never mind that she sold her pottery at prices she could only have dreamed of, it seemed that this took precedent over her art?
Sometime after one Allie had enough. She was tired and on the verge of crankiness which I perfectly understood. We made our apologies to Peter, who also was very understanding and got our things together. Jill came with us of course. Thank God Allie had the foresight to rent the limousine. I don’t think any of us had the strength or desire to seek out a cab.
Allie fell asleep on my shoulder during the short ride home. This was the one and only time I can remember wishing I was big and strong enough to carry her from the car to our apartment. Jill managed to get her undressed and comfortable and I managed to remove her makeup and wash her face as she melted into the mattress nearly dead to the world.
I wasn’t too far behind her. I tossed my tuxedo over the chair and washed as quickly as I could. I managed to get most of my makeup off and donned my usual sleep wear; an oversized tee and panty. I made sure Jill was settled in one of the guest bedrooms before making my way into bed. I spooned up behind Allie, who was softly purring, inhaled her body’s aroma mixed with the cleansers and cream I used on her face, and fell directly into dream land.
We awoke around noon and snuggled for a bit; she in my arms for a change. We were due to be at the gallery around four. Fortunately we would be leaving there around eight. We both were very tired; drained physically and emotionally from the prior evening. Fortunately we had to be at the gallery around four in the afternoon and we could leave at eight.
Tonight would be comfort night. The ‘B’ listers were coming so we could really be our ‘normal’ selves? Well… Anyway… I wore a simple maroon skirt that fell to mid-calf and an ivory silk long sleeve blouse. With a pair of knee high off white stockings and penny loafers, I really sort of had a school girl look going?
I ran a brush through my hair which kind of simply fell into place. I went very light on my makeup. Just some mascara, a bit of lipstick, and some color for my very pale cheeks and I was ready for the day. Allie and Jill were putting on their final touches as I gathered my things for the purse.
The walk over to the gallery was wonderfully refreshing. There was a slight breeze and the sun wasn’t bearing down as harshly as it might have. The streets were already filled with people and the hustle and bustle of the big city. Thankfully there wasn’t any crowd outside the gallery when we arrived. I don’t think either one of us could handle another showing like the last evening.
Once we were inside Bob came up immediately to greet us. As I looked about I saw many faces I did recognize. The guys from the office were there and I recognized several of my professors from school although it did take them a moment or two to recognize me. It never failed to amaze me what a new hair style, a touch of cosmetics, and a fashionable wardrobe will do.
The entire atmosphere was far more relaxed. Even Bob had gone back to his ever worn boating shoes. And the conversation was relaxed as well. People, at least the ones I knew from school, were more interested in how I was doing than in my ‘creative’ processes.
The question of whether I was transitioning came up more than a few times. I couldn’t very well say that I was because that was not what I had in mind. So I shrugged it all off as experimenting with gender roles. I suppose that being an artist allowed that explanation to suffice.
One of my former teachers did ask me if I could come to one of his classes to speak about my art and my life since leaving school. He was really quite flattering and I found it difficult to say anything other than yes.
The few people I met as a student, and the few who were still students, were no less flattering. I couldn’t really fathom why but they seemed to be very differential toward me. I mean it wasn’t like these were my drinking or partying pals. And there seemed to be a distance between us probably brought on by more than my mode of dress.
I could relate…in a way. I guess I was now sort of famous? I mean… I kind of felt the same way when I first met Bob; intimidated? Certainly I felt a bit out of place at Peter’s New Year’s Eve party. There were people there that I had only read or heard about.
Now I was really on a first name basis with some of them and they actually sought me out for whatever reason. Perhaps it was simply to say they met and shook the hand of the new flavor of the week.
Oh my God… Someone even asked for my autograph? I was thankful that Allie stayed with me nearly the entire time. Although she was the object of some of this adoration, she giggled every time someone would come up to me and begin to gush about whatever.
As the time ran on, the ‘gushing’ compliments continued. I felt embarrassed. But it was Allie who kind of put it all in perspective for me.
“These are your peers baby doll; your teachers, some of the people you went to school with, and other artists. So…” Allie’s head turned as she, along with me, surveyed the room. “…if they like your work…I know they certainly loved mine…” Allie giggled. “…than we must be the real thing; wouldn’t you agree?” She looked at me and waited patiently.
“Yeah…” I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “It’s just that all of this is so hard to absorb, you know?”
Allie put her arm around me and drew me closer till I had no choice but to put my arm around her waist.
“Don’t think about it. That’s my job.” She giggled again. “Just breath and experience it; live it and enjoy being in the moment.”
“Because it won’t last…?”
I giggled now but I knew…I had this fear…that this all could end tomorrow.
“Well… Maybe it will and maybe it won’t. The point is that you just enjoyed all of this now. Let me worry about whether you’re worthy of it…or not.” Now Allie outright laughed.
I felt… I knew she was right. Whilst this was all about me…us…it really felt too surreal to be real.
When will Andi come to her senses and decide what he truly wants? When will Allie finally give Andi a good talking to? Did They make enough off the art show to pay the bills? Did the rubber sheets do the job? Why is Penny always tied to a chair? Does this get Clipper off? And will Sky King co-pilot for Harrison Ford??? The answers to most of these, and other unnatural events can be found in the next chapters of the wholly own, 'glatt Kosher' (?) adventures of Andi and Allie!!!
Andi and Allie - Chapter 28
Things that go bump in the day!!!
We managed to escape around eight thirty. We were too engaged with some of the guests who arrived simply to see the work. Bob and his people did an excellent job of advertising the showing but the result on that day was a surplus of people…strollers…who wandered in after dinner. This was their evening’s entertainment.
Of course the entire following week I was walking on…dast I say it…water? Air would have been too easy? I felt as though the fates had predetermined to make amends for my ‘childhood not’ period. Bob called me on Tuesday all freaked out.
“An anonymous buyer wants your self-portrait. I was told to name my price.”
I could hear the near panic in Bob’s voice.
“Who called then?”
“Susan Scoville…?”
I was floored. I wasn’t so sure Susan didn’t want that piece for herself. I mean… I didn’t particularly want it out of my hands for a few reasons. It was a visage of me at my worst. I didn’t think it was that good a piece anyway regardless of what Allie and Bob…and everybody else thought. There was only one thing to do.
“Let me make a call and get back to you sweet heart.”
“Okay… But please…” Bob was pleading? “Don’t sit on this one Andi.”
“I won’t. I promise Bob. I just need to make a call…or two.”
After assuring Bob I wouldn’t forget, several times I might add, I immediately called Susan.
“Yes my darling girl… Somebody wants to buy that painting and I was informed you could name your price. She doesn’t seem to care about the money.” Susan chuckled. “And believe me honey…she really doesn’t.”
“A woman wants to buy it?”
“Yes… Does that surprise you?” Susan’s voice sounded a bit odd…almost chilled?
“I’m simply trying to recall if any women other than you and the others I knew seemed interested.”
“Heavens no…” Susan laughed which made me feel somewhat relieved. “I actually sent her a picture from my phone. She was otherwise involved that evening so I didn’t hear back from her until today.”
“So you know her?” I was so very eager to find out who this woman was.
“Yes… Of course you silly rabbit… But I should really be speaking with your wife, shouldn’t I?”
“Ummm…” My what…?
“You’d best grow accustomed to that dear. After all, you two will become wife and wife I’m sure.”
Susan chuckled as I began to panic and melt down. Although the thought of marriage had crossed my mind more than a few times to be sure, hearing it from someone else made it seem…tangible…even inevitable? There could be such a thing…wife and wife? Hmmm…
“She’s the one who talk’s price and money…honey.” Susan giggled. “As it should be... Is she at home?”
“Ummm…”
I was definitely overwhelmed and overcome with a lot of different and conflicting emotions. I simply stood there with the phone frozen to my ear. I was trembling.
“Oh…” Susan chuckled. “Just have her call me sweet heart. And please… Take a deep breath and do have a glass of wine.”
Susan, as usual, was right. And that’s exactly what I did once we finished speaking. I sipped my wine and waited patiently for my Allie to come home. And while I waited I began thinking about us and us forever. It’s not like I hadn’t considered this topic in the past. It’s just that Susan was probably right. Was our union inevitable?
When I heard Allie at the door I literally ran to open it. My poor love looked exhausted. Her shoulders drooped and she could barely manage a smile as I quickly took her bags from her hands.
“I think life is catching up to me.” Allie spoke in a whisper.
She simply sat down on the antique loveseat near the door. I sat down next to her and grasped her hands.
“I took a cab home. I just couldn’t see myself waiting for the train or bus. And I spent the entire day just trying to stay awake and get some work done.” She took her hands from mine and hugged me to her. “I’m too tired to eat. I just want to get undressed, washed, and go straight to bed.”
I could hear her verging on tears. There was no way I could, or would, ask her to call Susan. I held her for a few moments and then helped her up. We walked; actually I led her, pulled her, into our bedroom.
After helping her undress and wash up from the day, I put my poor Allie into our bed. I went to the kitchen to prepare her at least a few munchables. At this point in time, poor Allie was either feast or famine. I mean she sometimes couldn’t eat enough and other times…nothing. However, she couldn’t get enough chocolate in any available form or quality. She desired double Dutch chocolate ice cream most of all.
I brought the tea cart in with its top loaded with whatever I could find and throw together easily. Allie, with the blanket drawn up to her chin, just looked at me adoringly and smiled.
“You really should have something.” I said as I poured her a glass full of juice.
“Yeah…”
Allie sighed as she sat up against the headboard and allowed me to spread out a bath towel on her covered lap.
“So…” She gazed at me and giggled. “How was your day dear?”
“Ummm…” I hesitated to tell Allie about Susan’s call before she ate anything. “I got an interesting call from Bob.”
“Oh…?” Allie took the plate with some fruit and cheese with a sliced baguette. “And what did he want?”
“Well…?” I hesitated for a moment until Allie at least took a bite. “He said there was a buyer for the self-portrait.”
“Well…? You don’t want to sell it.”
“He said the caller told him to name his price.”
“Really…!” Allie laughed. “Tell Bob you want two and a half million for it.”
“Ummm…”
I waited until she had another piece of bread and cheese before continuing. I sat down on the bed and took a piece of cut fruit for myself.
“The buyer, for whatever reason, wants to remain anonymous. But the woman who called him was Susan.”
“Oh my God…! You’re kidding!” Allie’s eyes opened wide and a huge grin was on her face.
“No… Seriously…! So I called her back but she won’t discuss this with me. She wanted to speak to you.”
“Well…? Give me my phone.” Allie laughed as she wolfed down a piece of the cut meats. “I’ve got to find out what’s going on.”
Allie suddenly became very animated as she virtually ripped her phone out of my hands and speed dialed Susan. As she waited she bit into another piece of bread and cheese.
“Am I disturbing you?” Allie spoke as she chewed and swallowed. Then she laughed. “No… I’m just having a bite to eat. I am so tired these days. I’m not sure whether it’s a slow recovery from the show or simply the second trimester blues.”
Allie listened for a short time and then laughed. She and Susan seemed to be having just a normal conversation between a mother and a mother to be. I sat and fidgeted with my hands as Allie suddenly handed me the plate and mouthed that she wanted more bread and cheese.
I handed her the glass of juice which she sat upon her nightstand. She laughed again as I filled her plate once more and gave it back to her. I felt like a child whose mother was on the phone with the teacher. As if… Finally…FINALLY… They got down to it.
“Well… You know Andi didn’t even want to show that piece.” Allie listened intently for a brief moment. “Oh… She felt to…exposed…too naked. You know?” Allie laughed at whatever Susan said. “I was thinking about two and a half million for it. I mean… If she really wants it that much...”
I didn’t believe Allie actually said that price! I was truly stunned. In fact I was suddenly breathless. I mean a work of mine selling for that…that ridiculous price?
“Yeah… You’re so right. So… Maybe four…?”
Now what? They chatted for a bit longer about something totally unrelated as I sat dying to know what was going on with my work…and my world for that matter. Finally Allie bid Susan a good night and put down her phone.
“Okay sweet heart… It’s all settled. May I have a bit more to drink?”
I could have strangled Allie at that moment. I filled Allie’s glass and handed it back to her.
“So what’s the deal?” I asked so anxious.
“Oh…” Allie giggled. “I forgot about Bob’s cut. So we decided on four million. That way you’ll get your two and a half. We need to start thinking about a new arrangement with Bob.”
I sat with my mouth agape and my eyes wide opened. I must have looked quite the sight because Allie simply giggled as she gazed at me.
“Well I think it’s fair. I mean… You didn’t even want to show it.” Allie giggled and tossed a bit of cheese into her luscious mouth. “And… Susan said we could announce the sale of the piece as long as the buyer’s name isn’t mentioned.”
I still could say nothing. I simply couldn’t absorb the fact that anyone would pay that amount for a painting from a…a virtual ‘newbe’ in the fine art community. Far more renowned artists sold their work for less…much less. The expression on my face said it all.
“Oh baby doll…” Allie sighed and smiled maternally. She reached over to hug me. “Don’t fight it. Just go with it.”
‘Don’t fight it. Just go with it.’ Those were nearly the same words Susan said to me. And they were very true. I was fighting it…and myself. I had such a fear of letting go; of anything and everything. I was fighting my gender and sexual identity. I was fighting my urges when I was around Peter. And most of all…I was fighting Allie; her plans for us…for our destinies as one.
I hugged her in turn and just let go. The tears flowed down my cheeks as easily as my pens slid across a sheet of stock. I buried my face into her very soft shoulder and neck. Her warmth was so very comforting and reassuring. Mommy was kissing her baby’s metaphysical scrape and making it all better.
When I told Peter about the sale the following day he was nearly as stunned as I was.
“I have to be honest with you.” His face had his most serious appearance. “It’s a magnificent work. But I wouldn’t have gone over half a million.”
“Really…? I can’t believe that anyone would pay that much for what I do.”
I felt like crying again. I was doing a lot of that lately.
“You have an extraordinary gift Andi. I wouldn’t fight it. I envy you.”
Once again I’m being told not to fight it. I wish I knew how. I wish I knew how to forget my confusion and anger. Really the only time I can is when I’m working.
“I will tell you one thing.” Peter leaned forward and placed his elbows on his desktop. “If Susan knows the buyer…and the buyer lives in the city…it’s got to be one of the members of her club.”
Again… The mysterious club…
“They’re the only ones who would have that kind of money. I mean there are other big money collectors, and a few were at your opening night, but they would have jumped on it had they known it was for sale.”
“But that’s kind of the point. Isn't it? I mean it wasn't for sale.” I was both curious and slightly upset. Was I really that mercenary?
“Well…” Peter laughed. “Count yourself lucky and please…” He folded his hands as if he was praying. “Don’t leave your day job before the Scoville account is finished. And just keep listening to your...muse.” He chuckled.
Peter was right. Allie was right. Susan was right. Jill was right. Hmmm…
Anyway… Bob brought over two checks at the end of the week. The showing amounted to a little over nine hundred thousand dollars, which pleased him to no end. And the big check for the self-portrait. A team of movers came and crated the work right on the spot and brought it to an undisclosed address in Manhattan. I was now officially a millionaire. Sacred feces…!!!
“The last time I sold a painting for a comparable amount… It was a Lichtenstein.” Bob said as he spoke wide eyed…and in shock.
The phone call came on a Sunday around noon. Allie had our phones. I never answered my phone when I was working and poor Allie was exceptionally sensitive to the stench of my oils during her second trimester.
When Allie came down to the studio with my phone I knew something was terribly wrong. She had a very solemn expression on her face.
“It’s the police Andi.” She gingerly handed me the phone. “It’s about your mom.”
I knew immediately what the call was about. This was the proverbial shoe that I knew someday would drop. I only wished it didn’t happen so soon; not before I could find out who my father was. I put the call on speaker so that Allie could hear.
“Hello…?” I spoke quite warily.
“Is this…” there was a very brief pause. “…Andrew Di Angelo?” The woman’s voice was soft.
“Yes…?” ‘Andrew’…? The name sounded so…foreign…so…estranged?
“My name is Detective Connors of the Bakersfield Police Department. I’m afraid I have some very bad news for you.”
I said nothing. I didn’t know what to say to the news I knew was coming.
“We found your mother in an apartment she was sharing with two other people. She apparently died from a drug overdose.”
I sighed and hung my head. This wasn’t exactly unexpected. But still… Allie came to my side and hugged me around the waist.
<“When did she die?”
I knew it had to take them some time to locate me.
“The estimated time of death was around midnight four days ago. We needed to perform an autopsy and it took me some time to find you once we identified her. I’m very sorry for your loss.”
My loss..? I lost her years ago. In truth I never really had her. She was simply not available.
“Do I need to come out there…for anything?” I asked numbly.
“Well… We do need to furnish you with her death certificate and you’ll need to claim the body. But if you wish, a notarized statement of your identity and where you live is really all that’s necessary. You will need to make some kind of arrangements for the disposition of her body.”
The disposition of her body… Just what would I do with her body? I had no idea of even where to begin. Allie was listening to the conversation. She gazed at me. She put her hands upon my shoulders. I felt…supported.
“Would you like to have her cremated? That’s usually the least expensive and involved process. Unless you want to have her buried…” Allie’s hands never left my shoulder.
I saw no point in burying her. I mean it’s not like I’d go and visit her grave or something. She meant so little in her life to me, why should she mean anything in death. I let Allie deal with this as I nodded my head in approval. Allie took the phone from my trembling hand.
Allie seemed to always be one step ahead of me in the everyday sort of stuff. What’s that stuff called? Life…? Anyway, after she explained who she was, Allie and the Detective Connors worked out a suitable plan of action.
My mother would be cremated at the mortuary recommended by Connors and her remains shipped to me. The death certificate would be sent out as soon as a notarized statement of identity and address could be furnished.
The mortuary bill came to a grand total cost of five hundred dollars for everything including the shipping of the ashes. After Allie explained she was a potter, they reluctantly understood why I didn’t need their fifteen hundred dollar urn. And so it was done. I had only one regret about the entire…mess.
“I really wish I knew who my father was.”
I began to cry.
This was a problem for me. His name was not listed on my birth certificate. And knowing my mother and her…habits, I began to doubt she even knew. I had always wondered and even attempted several times to ask her. But the back of her hand always gave the only answer she cared to give. I had no choice but to accept her answer.
“Well…” Allie hugged my head to her boobs which I always found comforting. “We could hire a private detective I suppose. Maybe they could find him through your DNA.”
“Hmmm…” Hmmm… “How do we find someone who can do that? I mean… Where do we go?”
“Well…?” Allie bent and kissed the top of my head. “I could certainly ask Jill and I’m sure Susan would know of someone.”
“Yeah… Maybe I’ll ask Peter?” I knew he had resources for all sorts of things.
And so the great search ensued. Peter expressed his sympathy upon hearing about my mother and I graciously accepted. He knew that I really had no relationship with her. But Peter, always the man of great propriety when it came to…delicate matters, was sympathetic none the less. He gave me the name of a detective agency and the particular detective he’d used on more than several occasions; usually involving matters of the heart.
As the fates would have it, both Susan and Jill provided Allie with the very same name. Sean McCann was an incredibly imposing man. He had the facial appearance of what is a typical New York City Irish cop. His hair was white and his complexion ruddy. His piercing blue eyes seemed to see everything; hidden and overt. He had the build of an Olympic weight lifter; a very heavy weight lifter.
His office was lavishly appointed complete with various degrees of higher education and various certificates of merit and honors. One wall was decorated with pictures of renowned people and famous celebrities that one could assume he either worked for or knew. In light of all three of the recommendations, I could easily assume this.
Mister McCann graciously seated us in the two winged back leather covered chairs that were placed in front of his large imposing desk. After having coffee brought in and served to us, he folded his hands and leaned forward with his arms on his desk. His steely blue eyes focused upon us both as he spoke.
“It seems like everybody who is anybody in the city has called me about you two.” His smile was truly warm and it reflected in the softening of his gaze. “I won’t be able to show my face around town if I don’t take you two on as a client.” He chuckled.
“How can I help you?”
I went on to relate the entire sordid tale. Allie held my hand the entire time. It was difficult to tell everything to a complete stranger but I simply felt that this man would not only hold my tale in confidence, he could sympathize with me.
Mister McCann listened very closely and attentively. His eyes never left mine and I could see that he was gauging my accuracy and, perhaps, my honesty. I could only image some of the tales he must have heard during his career. After I finished, he sat back in his oversized winged back chair and, with his palms down on his desk, smiled.
“Well… I think we can help you in your quest.” My heart skipped a beat or two. Could this be? “Generally speaking… It’s not unusual for addicts to be in codependent relationships. And it’s also not uncommon for their DNA to be on record somewhere due to perhaps a hospital visit or even a clinic visit for drug related diseases.”
Mister McCann was professional enough to maintain his serious demeanor. After all, what we wanted could have serious implications for me. I very well might have an entire ‘other’ family to reject me…or accept me…or even openly welcome me.
“My normal fees are fifteen hundred dollars a day plus expenses.”
Sacred feces…!!!
“But since I don’t anticipate anything unusual…in other words…the DNA sample should do it, we’ll simply charge for the expenses of the analysis and for running the results.” He gazed upward for a moment. “This usually comes to about five hundred dollars.” He smiled quite graciously. “We use a very good lab so the results should only take…oh…perhaps two or three days to run. The time varies depending upon how many data bases we need to hit. If he’s not in a data base, there are other means but at that point the meter starts running.”
I became quite excited. I was actually bouncing up and down slightly in my seat. Allie giggled.
“I guess you made someone happy today.” She laughed as she spoke to Mister McCann.
“I only wish I could do that once every day.” Mister McCann quipped. “Usually my clients are requesting…well…confirmation of wrong doings?”
After being taken to another part of the offices, we entered a door into what appeared to be a modern chemistry or biology lab. There were several technicians working and tons of equipment scattered across dark stone counter tops. Computer terminals were all over the place. One of the techs swabbed the inside of my mouth and placed the swab into a tube. He marked it and the process began.
After a few final encouraging words from Mister McCann, we were on our way. Fortunately our appointment was first thing in the morning and his offices were located in midtown. Allie and I kissed and we went off to our respective jobs. And of course I had to spend at least ten minutes with Rhona and another ten with Peter informing them of the latest adventures of Allie and myself.
I was a mess by the time I got home. Working was next to impossible. I simply couldn’t focus or concentrate. I spent more time on the phone with Susan, Jill, and of course my Allie than I did with the task at hand. Fortunately all of the critical designs were finished for both major projects.
Allie was of great comfort. She understood my anxiety over…everything. She met me at the door with glass of white wine and a kiss. She arrived home before me and was only partially changed. I joined her in our bedroom and we both washed and changed into our comfort clothing.
Allie, of late, has been tiring easily and leaving work a bit early. On those days when she could be spared she worked from the apartment. And although she seemed to have lost her tremendous desire for sex, she more than compensated by her need for an unusual amount of comforting and easing. I felt truly needed and relished those moments in time.
We were on the couch in the cave. Allie was nestled in my arms leaning back against me. We were kind of staring at a wonderous candle sculpture that we purchased from the maker. It was an elaborate candelabra with the arms emanating from the one center post. I was still sipping my wine and Allie had her fruit juice. A piano étude played softly.
“This entire thing is so weird…you know?” I sighed.
“Yeah baby doll…” Allie drew my arms tighter around her.
“For years I’ve wondered about whom he was and did I get anything from him other than this nose.” I giggled nervously. “Do you think he’d want to see me? Do you think he even knows?”
“Oh… I don’t know sweet heart.” Allie brought my hands to her lips and kissed them very gently. “You never know with people. I mean… Wouldn’t it be enough just to know he really existed? Would you really need to meet him?”
“Yeah… I would. I would want to know if there’s anybody else out there…you know? I mean you are my only family. All the others I know, Peter and Jill and Bob and the gang make me feel like I’m part of something? But it would be really nice to know that I’m not the last of my kind.” I sighed.
But in truth I felt sad and, in spite of Allie’s presence, I felt very alone. At least when my mother was alive there was a thread; thin as it may have been. But now there was nothing. I felt like my entire past, whatever family history I might have had, was written off the face of the world forever.
The next day was little better. I stared into my coffee as I half listened to Rhona go on and on about something; some new hem style? But my mind was back upon the question at my very core.
“Be careful what you wish for.” Peter chuckled. “You could wind up with relatives like Allie’s parents. Or even worse…” Peter laughed. “They could be like my relatives; always conniving and scheming over money…usually mine.”
“Well… At least I’d know.”
And then I got into the thought of my mother being shipped back to me in a very small, very cheap box. How totally apropos...! That night I sat with Allie relating all my misgivings.
“Maybe you could use the ashes like grog or something. Or maybe I could work the ashes into a color? I mean…would ‘dead mommy Gray’ work?” I sighed sadly.
“Oh Andi… Please…” Allie shook her head. “That is way over the top. Look… I know it wasn’t easy by any means. But you really need to deal with your anger. I mean she’s dead. What do you want to do? Maybe throw darts into a picture of her?”
“I don’t even have that.” I blotted a tear. “That means that the only grandparents our child will have are…yours?”
“Yuk…!”
Allie turned her face toward me. She looked like she’d just bitten into a lemon.
“That’s why I hope we can find my father. Maybe he has a brother or sister or even living parents? I might even have half siblings.”
I managed to ease my mind enough to let Allie have her turn at the day’s events. I took such comfort in finding that we both could do this; her time and my time. It seemed so natural at this point in my life…in our lives. I don’t think I would even recognize that young former art student looking for any place to live only a little over one year ago.
We both rested on our side, head to foot.
Allie was finding comfortable positions becoming ever harder to discover as her tummy grew. We rarely visited each other’s body from this particular vantage point and I’d forgotten what a treat this was.
Allie fondly my boy bits gently and caressed my butt and thighs. The feeling of her hands was so very sensual. And I got the opportunity to do the same to her…except for the boy bit part. As I gently separated the lips of her vagina to view the hole leading into her being, I gazed and tried to imagine what, and how, it must feel to have a living being come out of so small an aperture.
Whilst I envied Allie for her ‘indoor plumbing’ and her ability to create, sustain, nourish, and produce life, I never envied the actual pain of the birthing process. I’d seen enough more than enough viddies on the web to understand that the very last part of pregnancy was something special and reserved only for those who could bare the weight of the thirty six weeks; the final relief!
“Listen baby doll…” Allie giggled as she snuggled my head between her ever growing boobs. “I think it’s time to get you started with the breast pump.”
“???”
“You’ve been on the ‘mones for months now and you’ve really developed quite a little rack. But nothing will happen unless we make it happen.” Allie giggled.
I raised my head leaving my…oh so very comfortable resting place to gazed at Allie…in horror.
“Well you said you wanted to feed our child. Right…?”
I nodded my frightened little head.
“Well…? We need to start you on the pump now so that maybe…” Allie gave me a really stern look. “Just maybe… We can get you to lactate. I see no reason at all why you shouldn’t be able to and certainly I’ll need the help.”
I swallowed and gazed at Allie. She was right. This was something I had wanted. I smiled at her as another piece of what once was Andrew crumbled into dust…just as it should have.
“Yeah sweet heart… You’re right.” Of course… As usual… “What do we need to do?”
“That’s better…” Allie giggled as I laid my head back down upon her. “I’ll buy a double breast pump tomorrow; a really good one. That way we don’t have to waste time doing one boob at a time. You’ll only need to do maybe fifteen minutes three or four times a day.”
My mind was still working on the breast pump thingy. Fifteen minutes three or four times a day…? I’d have to use that…that thing for an hour a day? She couldn’t possible mean for me to use it at work…could she?
“That sounds like an awful amount of time.”
“Well…”
Allie giggled as she tightened her grip on my boy bits slightly whilst still rubbing gentle circles around my dick’s head.
“It was your idea.” She snickered. “Anyway… I’m likely to spend hours each day, day after day, just feeding OUR child. I’ll start with the pump as well. No sense in waiting until the last minute…so to speak. I’ll buy two; a ‘hers’ and a ‘hers’ pump.” Allie chuckled.
“Well…” I couldn’t argue with her. “I guess you’re right. I just thought it sort of just happened with me taking the ‘mones though.” My voice trailed off.
“Listen… Even mine won’t come without a little natural stimulation.”
“Well mommy… I could provide that.” I giggled.
“Yeah…” Allie laughed. “I know you could at least do that.”
‘At least do that’? What does that mean?
“Oh yeah… I almost forgot. Susan wants to throw me a baby shower at the club.”
It’s ‘the club’ now? Not Susan’s club? Did I miss something here?
“Well… Then I guess it’s a toss-up whether I’m invited then?” I had to giggle.
“Oh…!” Allie’s face became so serious. “You can’t come to that. You’re…the daddy?”
We both broke into laughter at the same time. I had no idea how we would ever explain our little family group to our child; two moms…one and a half moms? I decided to not even broach that one with Allie. I was already getting way too much information I didn’t want.
The call came two days later. I was so completely occupied with work, Allie’s condition, and my new breast-pumping regimen, that I’d forgotten about Mister McCann. I was busily at work assembling a presentation that the other artists had been working on. I was, at first, annoyed to have my phone sound. But when I saw who was calling my heart dropped down to my feet.
“Hello…?” Could I have been more tentative?
“Good afternoon Ms. D’Angelo…” His voice sounded so…cheerful? “I have some news for you. If you’d like, we could review everything at my office if that’s convenient.”
“Ummm…” Better I freak out in there then here at the office... “Sure… When would be a good time for you?”
“Well…? We could meet…oh…say at four this afternoon or first thing in the morning.”
There was no way I was going to sleep without knowing something…anything. I only hoped Allie could meet me there.
“Today would be fine.”
“I think you’ll find the results of our research very interesting. See you soon.”
Thankfully Allie was more than happy, and ready, to meet me at Mister McCann’s offices. I never would have made it up there. I was so very nervous that I couldn’t stop trembling. Even Allie’s most tender ministrations didn’t help…very much. We both sat before his imposing desk and held hands as he smiled and opened up a folder on his desk.
“We got a hit back the first day.”
Mister McCann smiled sympathetically. “But I wanted to be very sure of all the information which is why I waited to tell you. I’m very sorry for your loss.”
Somehow I knew I would miss this one and I would never find any true ancestry to trace myself.
“…but your father died years ago.” Mister McCann gazed down at the file for a moment. He looked up at me sympathetically again. “He passed away almost eighteen years ago.”
That bit of news was stunning. He might not have even known I was in the making…so to speak? As I was about to ask the first big question, Mister McCann anticipated me.
“He was a heroin addict and past away from AIDS related illnesses.” Glancing down at the file, he continued. “It was evidently tuberculosis and dementia. Both are commonly found in addicts who inject their drugs. I am very sorry.”
I was still stunned from hearing of his death so long ago. But hearing why didn’t surprise me. I might have been the result of a one-night stand or something.
“What was his name?”
“Well… This is where it begins to become interesting. The name he using was Andrew Colbert.”
I nearly fell out of my chair. Now I knew where my gift came from. I’d studied and greatly admired his legacy of work, small as it was. For the short time he produced works, he was prolific. But how much larger and important it would have been had he lived.
And what was more interesting was that my mother gave me his name. So they must have been together for at least some time. I wouldn’t have wanted to continue to believe I was a one night mistake.
“However…” Mister McCann leaned forward in his chair and broadly grinned. “That was not his real name. His actual family name…” He leaned forward and grinned. “…and someone went through a lot of trouble to cover up the fact, was Andrew Gray. You do have an aunt. This was confirmed late yesterday. Her name…” I really almost fell off my chair from leaning so far forward. “…is Martha Gray.”
I felt Allie suddenly perk up. She’d been sitting quietly and gently squeezing my hand every time Mister McCann related a bit of information.
“The Martha Gray…? Of Gray Adams…?” Her voice was full of shock.
“The very same Ms. Morris… And her mother is still very much alive. I didn’t research any further. But if you’d like…”
“No…” Allie giggled. “That won’t be necessary.”
“If you wish, I could contact her but that might take some time. I do know for a fact that she’s been out of town these past few weeks. But she is returning…” Mister McCann gazed off for a moment. “…today I believe. But I’m sure I’d need to get through three or four receptionists and administrative assistants.”
“No…” Allie giggled as she pulled her phone from her shoulder bag. “That won’t be necessary.”
Allie hit a speed dial on her phone as Mister McCann and I watched. I couldn’t imagine who she was calling until she spoke.
“Hi Susan…” Allie giggled. “You’ll never guess what we just found out.”
Susan…? Why didn’t that surprise me as much as it should have?
“Guess who’s related to Martha?”
‘Martha’…? They’re on a first name basis? Did I miss something?
“Andi is her…” Allie hesitated for a moment. “…her niece! Honestly…!” There was no hiding Allie’s excitement as she spoke. “No…! We only just found this out now. Nobody else knows.” There was a brief pause. “I have no idea how to do that.” There was a short pause. “Would you…? Oh my God… You’re the best.”
And the call ended. I sat staring at Allie; wide-eyed and mouth agape. She simply giggled and smiled back at me.
“Well…” Allie snickered. “Who do you think Susan stayed with whilst trying to find a new place to live?”
Even Mister McCann seemed surprised.
“You’ve got to be kidding.” I was…stunned…again.
“No…” Allie giggled. “Martha is president of the club. I’ve never met her or even seen her but I’ve only been going for luncheons and dinner during the week. She’s almost always there on Friday nights and on the weekend when many of the members are around.”
No sooner did Allie finish her discourse than her phone sounded its lovely chimes.
“Hi…” Allie gazed at me with a huge grin, her free hand flipping with excitement. “Really…?” Allie grinned at me as she obviously listened to whatever Susan was relating. “Really…? Oh my God…! That is fantastic. Yes…! For sure…!” Allie turned away from me for a moment. “Oh… No, no… We should be fine but thanks anyway. You’re the best.”
Allie put her phone away and grasped both my hands. She was literally bouncing slightly up and down with excitement. She also had this grin like the cat that just ate the canary?
“We’re going to meet your aunt tomorrow at nine in the morning. We’re going to her offices. She’s not even arrived yet and needs to go home to see her family otherwise she would see us now. Isn’t that great?”
I didn’t know what to say…or even feel. All I could think about was the totally sleepless night ahead of me. I would show up deprived of sleep and looking like something the cat left at the back door.
“I’ll certainly join you there.” Mister McCann leaned forward again. “I can certify that the documentation is genuine and that only the best lab was used to do the sampling. And if there are any questions concerning the investigation, I’ll be there to field them for you.”
“Thank you Mister McCann. That would be wonderful.” Allie grinned. “This is going to be so great for you baby doll. You have an actual family!”
To be quite honest, I don’t know how I felt. Even as Allie was leading me out the door and then, after paying a nominal amount, out of the offices, I was in quite a state of shock. Had she not been with me, I probably would have had a major melt down.
Indeed I was in the midst of a minor one now. I was totally oblivious to my surroundings. Allie managed to get us an Uber to ride downtown. Along the way she called Peter to tell him the ‘good news’ and to let him know I would not be in that morning.
Jill was next on the list of course. They had an extended conversation as we headed downtown. The entire thing was white noise to me as I gazed out the window not even looking at anything in particular. The ride seemed to take forever even for the rush hour traffic. When it was finally over, I actually needed help exiting the car and Allie had her arm around my waist as we made our way up to our home.
The evening was no better for me. The phones, both Allie’s and mine, never stopped. Allie was an absolute sweetheart. She fielded all the calls, sometimes two at once! Jill called, then Susan, Peter, Bob twice, Jill again and they all wanted details. I had none to give and sat with my legs folded beneath me with my head resting on Allie’s shoulder in the cave.
I listened attentively to what Allie said and could easily guess the questions. I had only one; who was Martha Gray and what was she like? I knew that if Susan liked her well enough to live with in the same residence with her children, then Martha Gray had to be somewhat similar to her. And though I always treasured Susan’s opinions, I knew they would be weighted toward my aunt?
After hearing the conversations and thinking about what I’d heard, I knew that Peter would be the one to ask. He knew everyone who was anyone in Manhattan and he was all too honest and straight forward in his opinions. He either liked you or he didn’t. And if he didn’t, there had to be a good reason.
“Andi… How good of you to call. I imagine this all must be quite a jolt for you.”
Peter’s voice was so warm and reassuring. I felt better simply hearing it. My tears began to flow as the momentous news of the day struck me.
“Yeah… I am so nervous about tomorrow…you know?”
“I can hear that in your voice.” Peter chuckled. “And it’s all quite understandable. Not all of us come from a place without virtually any roots to find that they indeed have very deep, and I must add, caring roots.”
“But I know almost nothing about her.” I must admit that my fear made me a bit…whiney? “I mean… Susan likes her a lot and only says good things. But they’re friends to begin with…you know?”
“Listen Andi…” Peter gave me his most paternal voice; calm and reassuring. “Who cares what she’s like? If you can just be yourself…you’ll be fine. She could be the biggest witch on earth, which by the way she isn’t; my mother still holds that position…” Peter chuckled and I so loved that sound. “You simply won’t give her any chance to…not like you.”
“Have you met her?”
“Indeed I have. Several times in fact… It’s usually at some charity or museum fund raising event. She’s a very striking woman in appearance. And her wife…”
Wife…???
“Petra…? Pet…is just as delightful. Martha is very much like Susan. She is very no nonsense and forth right in her opinions. But she is also truly a very caring woman. Don’t worry sweet heart. You’ll love her.”
Even though I heard the same things from Susan and Jill, somehow hearing them from Peter was much more comforting.
“I assume Allie will be with you.” I could almost see Peter grin.
“I couldn’t go without her. I would never make it to…to wherever I’m going without passing out or something. Mister McCann is also going to meet us there.” I was verging on tears…again.
“Andi… I know this is all very overwhelming but you really need to get a grip. Martha, if nothing else, is a very sensitive and intuitive woman. She’ll know exactly how you feel and I can guarantee that she’ll be gentle.”
We spoke for a few more minutes. Although I found Peter to be comforting, I still couldn’t help feeling what I felt. Thankfully Allie was by my side all the time. She patiently listened to my half of the conversation and I filled her in on what Peter had told me.
“Listen baby doll…” I turned to see Allie’s radiant smiling face. “Why don’t we go and pick out your outfit for tomorrow?”
“Yeah…” I grinned at her as I dried my tears.
I loved when Allie helped me arrange my OOTD. She had such exquisite taste and she knew my likings. Often times when we were out for just an evening meal, we’d gaze arm in arm into the windows of the various clothing and accessory shops we’d venture across.
“Oh my God… This is so exciting.” Allie giggled as we walked into our bedroom. “Oh… Oh my God…!” Allie suddenly clutched her hand to her tummy.
“What’s wrong?”
I was about to freak! This is all either of us needed at the moment; something wrong with our baby. Allie gazed at me with a totally startled and…amazed expression on her face? Then she broke out into the most blinding smile.
“I think I just felt it move!” A tear came to her eye. “Oh my God…!” She looked down at her tummy. “There it is again!” She giggled.
Allie grasped my hand and placed in upon her belly where the movement was coming from. Her hand left mine and I waited.
“There it is again!”
Allie nearly screamed into my ear. But, in truth, I felt nothing. I smiled sadly at her and told her so.
“No… This is a good sign. You may not have felt it but I sure did.” She laughed.
I couldn’t even begin to image what she felt. Allie said it was like something little tapping inside of her. In truth I was envious. I wished I could feel what she felt. It would have been totally amazing.
After Allie sat on the bed for a wee bit, we finally got past the baby movement and moved onto the subject at hand. I wanted to wear something business like but with a flair to it? I mean we were going to a place of work to meet with the boss; my soon to be real live aunt.
“Listen sweet heart… Why don’t you use the breast pump whilst I pick out an outfit for you?”
Allie became a real stickler when it came to this regimen. She wanted me to nurse our child as much, if not more, than I did. And after her feeling that movement, I knew that time wasn’t on my side.
I got out the device and set it upon my nightstand. Then I took a tube of KY from the drawer and, after uncapping it, rubbed the jelly a few inches around my nipples. This helped me get a good seal. I was always amazed to see the flesh around my nipple being sucked in when I held both breast shields to my boobs.
The feeling of the suction pulling upon my nipples was intensely stimulating? I mean at first it felt like two mouths working on them. Then they seemed to actually thicken and extend as the sucking continued. I would even manage to achieve a little stiffy on rare occasions although I rarely felt…stimulated in that manner? I closed my eyes and imagined what our baby’s mouth might feel like. I could almost blot out the awful noise that machine made.
“Well…” Allie chuckled.
“I guess someone’s enjoying themselves.”
I opened my eyes and saw Allie standing at the foot of the bed holding what she thought I should wear. I must have had the most ridiculous expression on my face.
“I… I…”
“Oh don’t sweat it baby doll.” Allie giggled. “I’ve actually had women tell me that they’ve had orgasms whilst breast feeding. It’s really quite sensual. But it does wear on the nips.”
Allie held out my smoke Gray linen and silk blend suit. It was a decidedly femme cut with slightly flared pant legs. I adored this suit and the two others I had. But I hated the fact that they were good for one or two outings before they wrinkled as if I’d slept in them. Allie mentioned some kind of steam device we could get to press them out as needed.
Allie also picked out one of my silk blouses with a collar tie. This one was white with a long floppy black bow tie at the neck. The collar had a ruffled trimming and the bone buttons were concealed. I wore them on the rare occasions I had to go uptown with Peter. It was quite femme in appearance but also quite professional looking with a blazer.
“That’s perfect sweet heart.” I grinned knowing that I was definitely going to look good. “I guess my black pumps would be okay.”
“Yeah… Especially with the ribbon bow tie...” Allie turned and hung the clothes on one of the doors of our closets. “I think we should go simple with maybe just stud earrings or something and a simple chain necklace.”
Allie and I shared two jewelry selections in one of the drawers of our bureau. One was for the fine jewelry…the ‘real’ stuff. And the other was for our fashion jewelry. Who owned what no longer was of any consequence so our selection was quite varied. Of course my lucky glass medallion was a must. Maybe I could find out if indeed it was my grandmother.
“How about the pink pearl studs with the pink pearl ones that have that slight drop…?” I always consulted Allie about this kind of thing. And she always turned to me for approval as well. “Oh my God… We should have gotten our nails done.” I said as I gazed done at my hands.
“Silly rabbit…” Allie was definitely spending too much time with Susan. “We had them done only a few days ago. Don’t worry baby doll… You’ll look amazing…as usual.” Allie giggled. “Oh… By the way… You can remove the pumps now.”
Thankfully I turned off the machine and slowly broke the seal between the shields and my now tender boobs. My nipples were sore so, after putting the breast shields down to be washed later, I reached for the nipple cream. It was ever so soothing. I often used the cream when they were itchy or simply pained from the growth.
We decided that the best thing to relax me was to take a nice warm bath. Allie performed her usual magic with oils and scented herbs as the tub filled. But before getting in she reached into the cabinets beneath the counter and basin and pulled out a metal tray fill of various medication bottles.
Most were the usual over the counter type of pills and potions. She shuffled through them until she finally came to what appeared to be a prescribed medication. Allie uncapped the bottle and took out two little peach colored little pills.
“Here baby doll… Take one of these now and one before we get into bed.”
Allie placed one pill into my hand.
“What is it?”
“It’s a happy pill. It’ll make all that nasty anxiety go away and you’ll be able to sleep.” She giggled.
Now I must tell you that coming from wear I did, and having a mother like mine, I scrupulously avoided drugs in any way shape or form. I never even smoked pot although I did have this brownie with pot in it? But that was the one and only time. I looked up into Allie’s eyes and I glanced at her maternal smile and I swallowed the pill with some water she gave me.
Now I must also say that by the time we were ready to get out of the tub, I was feeling really amazing. Nothing bothered me and I had a hard time to keep from falling asleep in the tub. With only a towel wrapped around my body, I had started for the bed but Allie stopped me.
“Oh no you don’t…!” She laughed knowing I was…stoned? “Get back here and let’s do our ritual. You’ve got to take care of your skin baby doll.”
We did our nightly ritual complete with the cleansers, creams, lotions and potions. I towel dried my hair and Allie simply air-dried hers. We finished and, after donning our usual tees and panties, went into bed. Allie gave me the second pill to take. I snuggled up next to her and Allie held my head.
I don’t even remember falling asleep.
Will Andi be accepted or excepted by Martha? Will Allie begin to lactate before Andi? Will the new found wealth go straight to Andi's head...or to her wardrobe? Will Lucas and Johnny stop shooting at everything that moves? Will I run out of different shades of red before this sordid affair terminates? Will Black Paw and White Fang ever become housebroken? Or will they simply continue to destroy the house. For the answers to these compelling questions...be sure to read the next tax exempt chapter of 'Andi and Allie'.
Andi and Allie – Chapter 29
“Tyger Tyger, burning bright…”
“Let me show you into the board room.”
Meg was a spry older woman of forty or forty five. Maybe more… She held herself and walked with the confidence that only years of treading the corporate environment could produce. She was Martha Gray’s administrative assistant but acted as confidently as any senior vice president.
She appeared to be totally business and yet I could feel the warmth of the person hiding beneath the façade. Meg wore a white top with a lovely pink sweater and a grey skirt. Her black leather penny loafers looked well used but quite shined. Meg wore little makeup; just mascara and lipstick. Her wonderful pale green eyes sparkled with intelligence…and mirth?
Meg opened the two oak doors.
We were met by an amazing view of lower Manhattan and the bay. A great long table with ten leather high backed wing chairs on both sides and one even larger one at the far end occupied the center of the room. Meg seated us about half way down on one side.
“The suits will be sitting opposite you folks.” Suits…??? “May I bring you some coffee and perhaps a pastry?”
“Ummm…”
“Oh yes please…” Allie was very quick. “Let me help you. I know how Andi likes her coffee.”
Meg’s eye brows arched and she had a bemused expression on her face.
“How about you Mister McCann…? Can I get you something?” Allie smiled at him.
“Please… Black… No sugar…” Mister McCann smiled and took out the folder from his brief case.
I watched as Allie and Meg disappeared through a door at the other end of the conference room. I felt more than a wee bit out of place with Allie gone and Mister McCann reviewing his file. As I fidgeted with my shoulder bag strap, the double doors swung opened and the ‘suits’ walked in.
Now I understood what Meg meant. They all pretty much appeared to look the same; very well dressed in tailored dark blue or Gray pin striped suits with starched white shirts and power ties of different designs and colors. They were one step beyond being well groomed. All were polished to a quite high gloss.
They simply nodded at me and Mister McCann and took seats on the opposite side of the table. I faintly smiled back and gazed toward the head of the table and the empty chair with the amazing vista beyond. I don’t think Mister McCann even bothered to look up and acknowledge them. He simply placed his huge hand atop mine and patted it gently.
Just as I verged on praying to all the holy spirits I’d ever heard of for the return of my Allie, she walked in with Meg. They were speaking with one another as if they’d known each other for years. Allie was giggling away and Meg laughed as she related some bit of information.
“Ahhh…” Meg laughed and smiled wryly. “I see the suits have arrived. Good morning ladies and gents. You all know where the coffee is.”
Meg sure wasn’t one who seemed to filter much. She sat on our side cattycorner from the head of the table. I took that for a good omen. My Allie placed a mug of coffee in front of Mister McCann who gazed up at her with a smile. She then put one in front of me and sat down. All that remained was for the main event to begin.
The door nearest Meg opened and Martha Gray made her entrance. She was followed by a very large man in a suit that seemed even more out of place on him than the one on Mister McCann. Indeed he was one of the biggest stoutest men I’d ever seen. His hairless head shone and his mustache and goatee made him appear even more ominous.
I instinctively got up out of my seat and watched this older woman gracefully take the few steps to the tall chair at the very end of the table. The big man pulled it out and she sat. Her eyes never left some document she was reading. As I sat I noticed that everyone else got up as well.
The big man seemed to know Mister McCann. He smiled briefly and nodded. He began to walk toward Mister McCann who got up and met him half way. They shook hands and seemed to exchange a few words as Mister McCann handed him a folder. The big guy opened the folder, my life in a nutshell, and he began to look through each page carefully.
I glanced at Martha Gray and smiled diffidently. Then I cast my gaze down at my hands folded upon my lap. I knew I’d just turned a deep shade of prickly pear red. I felt…embarrassed…out of place…and slightly overwhelmed? But who wouldn’t.
Mister McCann sat back down next to me. I glanced up quickly to see the bald man nod his head at Martha Gray; I couldn’t call her…’auntie’…yet? She must have seen him out of the corner of her eyes which were now directed at me. There was a sort of slight smile partially parted lips. Mister McCann gently patted my hand again.
“What is it you want?”
I barely heard the man in the suit speak. I barely heard Allie answer.
“We want nothing.”
“We have more than we need.”
One of the other men began to speak but I caught Martha Gray make a slight waving motion with her hand as I glanced up; my head still bowed.
“But Ms. Gray…”
She waved her hand once more.
“Thank you all for being here.”
She said in a throaty rich deep voice.
The three suited men and one woman gathered their papers and arose from their seats. They walked toward the big double doors. Mister McCann got up and he exited behind them followed by the really big man. Meg began to get up.
“No… You stay Meg.”
Martha Gray never lost that expression of…wonder…as she removed her glasses and set them aside. Without ever changing her expression she got up from her chair and slowly walked down toward me. She was dressed rather simply in a beige cotton skirt and a white silk buttoned blouse that had the two top buttons undone. On her feet were simple black flats.
The only jewelry she wore were simple Tahitian pearl studs in her ear lobes, a gold double necklace chain holding a cameo, and a simple gold band on the third finger of her left hand. Everything about her screamed wealth and station but nothing about her appearance was over done or...pretentious? Even the very ordinary looking watch on her wrist had a very ordinary stainless steel band.
Martha pulled the chair out next to me and sat. She ran the fingers of one hand over the pearls of her necklace; the only sign of perhaps nervousness? Then she reached out with her other had and lifted my chin up with her finger.
“You have your father’s nose and our eyes.” Her voice was so throaty but yet soothing. “And what is that around your neck?” Martha reached down and grasped my good luck…charm? “Wherever did you get this?” She sounded quite surprised.
“My…”
I had to clear my throat and take a sip of coffee. My throat was so dry.
“My mother gave that to me. She said the etching in the glass was of my grandmother?”
“Is that so?” Martha chuckled. “Well dear… Do have another look.”
I glanced at the woman’s profile I’d gazed at so many times before and then up at Martha. She turned her head in profile. The image etched in glass was hers!
“Your father did this as an experiment with etching glass. He didn’t care for the finished work so he never gave it to me. The only reason I even know about this is he made me pose for some time.” Martha chuckled. “Grandmother indeed…”
Martha let my amulet drop and again with her finger turned my face to meet her gaze.
“You are quite a beautiful child.”
Martha touched my cheek and smiled affectionately. “And quite talented as well…”
I could almost feel a moment of sadness come over her as her smile dissipated for a flashing moment.
“That’s another gift your father gave to you.”
Martha’s eyes never left mine.
“You know we’ve met once before.” Martha’s gaze shifted toward Allie for a moment…and then back to mine. She gently stroked my hair. “It was some years ago. I don’t think you were more than perhaps eight or nine years old.”
Allie’s ears perked up upon hearing what Martha related. I could see she was trying hard to remember. Martha simply smiled and watched as Allie tried to recall their meeting. Allie smiled sadly and shook her head.
“I’m so sorry. I just can’t recall when that might have been.”
Allie looked so pained. Martha chuckled.
“That’s not surprising. It was a most forgettable Christmas luncheon.”
I was enthralled by Martha’s accent. It was so very…patrician...like Susan's and Peter's?
“I was young, very ambitious, and trying to land another large account. I was invited because they knew of my parents and happened to approach the firm I now own. I’m sorry to tell you that I found them to be quite boring and pretentious.”
“Don’t feel sorry at all.” Allie giggled. “They are very boring and pretentious. In fact we’re not even speaking at this point.”
“Oh…” Martha grinned and leaned in a bit toward Allie. “Do tell...”
“No… You first…” Allie grinned excitedly.
“Well…” Martha sat back in her chair. “I was bored out of my tits and left that horrid salon area. The paintings weren’t very good anyway; nor the conversation. And as I walked into the hallway I spotted the most beautiful child I’d ever seen. She wore a gown dripping with lace and ribbons that exhibited a total lack of style by the procurer.” Her eyes flashed with excitement.
Martha stopped for a moment and gazed at me again and spoke in a hushed voice as if relating some wonderous secret.
“She was sitting on a settee by herself swinging her feet back and forth in boredom. The poor dear was fidgeting with her hands as she stared down at the floor. I took a seat next to her. I feared I had frightened the poor thing because she looked so shocked by my sudden appearance.”
Martha became so very animated as she spoke. Each word was a colored brush stroke in a portrait.
“Oh…! Oh my God…!” Allie nearly jumped out of her chair. Her hands flew to her mouth and her eyes bugged out. “I remember!”
“And do you remember what we spoke about?” Martha smiled wryly.
“Yes… And you were right.”
“So…” Martha’s eyes sparkled with wit. “You remember what I said.”
I loved the way Martha made a statement out of what should have been a question. She was just like Susan. I could understand how they could be close friends.
“You said…”
Allie rolled her eyes upward in thought. Then she smiled her brilliant and radiant smile.
“You said; ‘you can’t help but love your parents but you don’t have to like them.’ I was too young understand that back then. But I sure do now.”
Martha chuckled.
“Of course you do. But I knew even back then that you were…different. You needed to be to survive the kind of upbringing they must have inflicted upon you.” Martha leaned forward again. “Now dear… Do tell... Why the distance…?”
“Well…?” Allie gazed at me warmly and took my hand.
“I see.” Martha chuckled. “So the child is yours and Andi’s.”
Martha sat back and grinned at Allie broadly…almost…proudly? Then she turned to look at me.
“I must say that when Susan informed me of your existence, I was stunned.”
Martha leaned toward me and grasped both my hands in hers. They were warm and soft. She gazed into my eyes and smiled gently.
“You see… I adored your father. And he worshipped me. But he had a quite…” She paused and smiled gently. “…a difficult and very complex relationship with our father. As with most fathers, ours wanted Andrew to follow in his footsteps. But I’m afraid that those shoes were too big and the steps too lengthy for him. He was an artist, you see. And he was quite good…just as you are Andi. But our father didn’t understand this mode of expression within Andrew.”
I nodded sadly. I felt my emotions beginning to well up. I knew exactly how my father must have felt. I was born into a poor situation and faced the fact that my mother was unavailable every day until I left for school in Manhattan. But to be born so well off and not have that support from a parent who was present but unattentive was just as poisonous.
“And…” Sadness overcame Martha as her gentle smile faded. “I’m afraid my dear Andrew had other…issues.”
Martha reached up with her face and stroked my cheek again. She looked me straight in my eyes.
“I caught him in my things when we were young; in our teens. The poor dear was so terribly embarrassed and…ashamed.”
Tears began to run down my cheek.
Evidently I inherited something else from my father. I opened my bag and took out several tissues. I carefully blotted my tears. Martha then took both my hands in hers again and she kissed them.
“I didn’t mind what he did although I must admit he had enough of a sense of style to pick one of my favorite pieces. “ Martha chuckled softly. “Indeed… I took him shopping with our mother one day and helped him pick out things he liked. He was quite slim…as you are…and we were comparable in height so there were no…questions from...mommy dearest.” She spat out the last two words.
I felt Allie put her arm around me. It was comforting amidst this unnerving tale of my father’s all too short life. Martha placed both her hands upon my cheeks and leaned in to kiss my fore head. Then she pulled back till our faces were but inches away.
“I never told a soul and I never…outed him.” Martha sat back again. “Indeed we would often play dress up. He was never proficient with cosmetics…as if I was…but I would help him none-the-less. Your father never got, oh how shall I put this…?” Martha gazed off for a moment. “He never got excited when he…dressed. He simply felt more comfortable and, to be perfectly clear, alive.”
I understood. I really understood. I was living what he could not. I got such an eerie feeling. I shivered thinking that I was my father incarnate.
“What happened to him?”
I could barely speak I was so choked up. Martha took a deep breath and leaned in toward me again, taking my hands in hers in the process.
“He began dressing in cheap hotels in the city. And he would go to parties where others who dressed would gather. You see…” Martha said sadly. “He was not beautiful like you. And the times were much different. His drug use began around that time. And if he met someone at one of these…gatherings, he’d take them back to the hotel. He never wanted to expose his studio or home, his inner sanctum, to others.”
“How did he meet my mother?” I simply couldn’t imagine her in his life.
“She never told you about that.” Martha seemed surprised. “Well… I suppose I can understand her feelings. She was a promising young art student who came to New York City to study. She met him at some opening and the rest was…history…as they say? They spent some time together but she left for California.” Martha gazed down at our hands and sighed. "His...habits and demons were too much for her."
“That is so sad.” I didn’t know what else to think.
“Not really dear… You’re here and that is so very important to me. You see, I was the son my father should have had and your father was the daughter he should have had."
Martha paused and gazed off for a moment. Then she turned back to me and smiled warmly.
“Your father would have been very proud of you and not simply for the art you’ve created. He would have been proud of the way you chosen to present yourself…and perhaps even a wee bit…envious?”
“Well…” I sighed. “I’m still kind of coming to terms with…with this.”
Martha gazed at Allie who’d been sitting quietly with her arm around my shoulders.
“You certainly don’t seem to mind.” Martha eyed her carefully.
“Well…” Allie giggled. “I may have encouraged Andi a little?”
“A little…? You’ve held my hand the entire time.” I looked at my sweet muse adoringly. “Allie’s been my guiding light and my inspiration.”
“How lovely… She’s your muse.” Martha chuckled. “I was your father’s muse.” Martha turned to Allie again. “You’re a smart girl. I suppose you’ve helped Andi in many ways.”
Allie gazed at me and smiled. She took hold of my hand again.
“We’ve helped one another since the first day we met. Andi is the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I am treated like…like a queen.” Allie pulled my face toward her and she kissed my cheek.
“Yes…” I loved Martha’s manner of speech. “And well you should be. I imagine you take care of…the details.”
“I do. Sometimes the simplest things get beyond Andi's scope and create worries I'd rather not have her concerned about." Allie's look became serious.
“I did the same for…her father. Andrew was not a businessman and he had no idea of the value of his work. I took care of that detail for him and saw to his needs.” Martha smiled and sighed.
“Andi worries too much about the corporal things in life and our ability to cope. But I’m not without means and the work she does brings in a good sum of money. And there is her job; all of which also affords us a good life together.”
“Yes… I’ve been made quite aware of that. As sisters…so to speak…Susan and I have no secrets from one another.” Martha chuckled. And I understand that you wish to join our little club." Martha smiled slyly.
“Susan and I have become close over the past few months. She’s an absolute dream. Susan feels that I would fit in with the other women. And…” Allie became quite excited. “I’ve enjoyed everyone I’ve met thus far. It would be an honor.”
“Indeed the honor would be ours.” Martha chuckled. “Young women such as you are becoming rarer by the day. Whilst it’s true there are some very successful women out there, so few of them are truly interested in their fellow human beings. Susan tells me you’re quite generous with your assets.”
“I do try to help.” Allie spoke in almost a whisper.
Martha turned to me and she leaned in and hugged me to her. I gave into her and let the warmth of her emotion wash over me and cleanse me of any misgivings I might have had. She began to whisper in my ear as we embraced.
“You don’t know how badly I wanted this day to come. I'd hoped my dear departed brother left me something more of himself. You will be a blessing to us all.” Martha kissed my cheek and placed her head against my face again. “Now that you’ve come into my life I shall never let you go; either one of you.”
I softly began to weep again.
I felt Martha’s tears upon my neck as they fell from her eyes. When she finally let me go, I noticed that Meg was still with us. She too was drying her eyes. Martha turned to her as she blew her nose into a tissue pulled from the pocket of her skirt.
“Do I have anything particularly important or urgent that needs tending to?” Martha sniffled as she spoke.
“No… Nothing at all… I thought you’d want a clear calendar for today.”
“And where is our Marti these days?” Martha asked Meg.
“She’s on her way back to Boston. She’s been tending to our affairs out on the coast.”
“Thank you Meg…” Martha turned to face Allie. “There is a matter of inheritance. My father made me executer and trustee of his entire estate. That included what he wanted my mother to have as well as my brother. That portion belonging to my brother I always kept a separate accounting apart from the main portion of the estate. I could never quite bring myself to consolidate my brother’s portion. I’ve always hoped this day would come.”
“Where is my father buried?”
I felt…odd and out of place in asking but I wanted to know and to perhaps visit his grave site. Martha gazed at me through her reddened eyes. She smiled faintly as she took my hands in hers again.
“It was always your father’s desire to be cremated and to have his ashes spread around a great white oak tree on the family estate.” Martha paused for the longest moment and sighed. “I had a granite stone set by the tree with a plaque indicating the tree to be his final resting place. You may see the site whenever you wish.” Martha sighed. “I visit the tree every time I need go to see my mother.”
“I had my mother cremated. I didn’t know what else to do. It was really Allie’s suggestion.”
“Would you like to spread her ashes around the same tree?” Martha’s offer was honest and sincere. “I do think that would make sense you know.”
“It wouldn’t be a desecration?” I spoke…solemnly.
“Oh dear child…” Somehow I found the way Martha said the words to be comforting? “The dead are dead and I’m fairly sure the tree won’t mind. If you’d like, we could add a plaque to the stone.”
“Yes… I think I’d like that.”
I felt my tears run down my cheeks again as I dabbed at my eyes.
“There… There…” Martha took me around with her arms and comforted me. “I know this is all rather…dramatic and…overwhelming. But this is what you’ve been looking for, isn’t it. And there’s a great deal more to come. But that I shall not burden you with. This will be between your Allie and me.”
Allie sat forward in her chair. She immediately knew what Martha was saying even though it escaped me.
“It’s grown some over the years. I would only disburse what my brother needed and no more. I knew his habits would eat up every cent and I had hoped he would go into treatment. Alas that never happened. But Andi does stand to inherit that money directly. Knowing that you will see to things I have no doubts in releasing those funds into your charge."
I could see the change in Martha’s demeanor. She was all business now and she was placing everything that was mine into Allie’s very capable hands.
“I’ve already combined Andi’s accounts with my own. And anything she wanted or needed was…well…it was not an issue.” Allie smiled at me lovingly.
“That was rather kind of you. Susan is an excellent judge of character. I am actually in your debt for…” Martha gazed at me and smiled. “…for keeping our Andi from the harshness of the world.” She looked at Allie for the longest of moments. “The estate is quite sizable.”
“How much is the estate?”
Allie asked without any emotion. She was all business now as well.
“Well I’ve kept the investments relatively conservative and I believe it’s…” Martha turned to Meg who handed her a folder. She opened the folder. “Yes… It’s roughly two hundred and fifty three million dollars at the moment.”
Both of us were stunned. I couldn’t imagine that much money. Allie paled. Martha chuckled. My hand simply went to my mouth.
“Now the annual growth rate has been roughly seven and a half percent but it’s produced another twenty percent in capital gains. I’ve simply been rolling it over. How do you wish to handle this?”
Martha folded hand hands in prayer fashion, with her finger tips just beneath her chin. She smiled wryly at Allie. We gazed at one another almost instantly. Allie squeezed my hand and smiled adoringly. I simply smiled back at her and nodded my head. Allie turned her head whilst still gazing at me and she began to speak.
“We have an account with your firm at Susan’s recommendation.” Allie now looked at Martha with that same smile. “That’s already more than enough for us to live on quite comfortably. It might make things easier to consolidate both?”
“Oh…?” Martha smiled but the twinkle in her eyes told me she was very alert and…testing? “And to what end? That is a considerable sum of money.”
“Well…?” Allie giggled and glanced at me again. “Since we already have more than we need, why not simply give…say…” Allie turned to look at Martha. “…give one half of the future gains and all the interest to charities? I have a few favorites and I’m sure Andi could come up with a few; particularly where it concerns the arts.”
“I think that’s a marvelous idea.” Martha leaned forward and placed her hand atop Allie’s hand still holding mine. “And when will the wedding be. I assume you’ve begun to make plans.”
Martha chuckled at what must have been an astonished look upon our faces. We glanced at each other and giggled at the shocked look on our faces.
“Oh dear… You haven’t even thought about it; have you? Financial matters do become far easier when the joint account bears a joint name."
Martha laughed but her gaze was piercing as she looked at Allie. Then she gazed at me.
“Well then… Andi… You do love Allie” Martha asked with mirth in her eyes.
“Ummm…” I was caught a bit off guard with Allie doing most of the speaking for us. “Yes…! Absolutely…! With all of my heart...!” I felt myself becoming emotional…again.
“Does she take good care of you?” Martha’s voice was so…breathy?
“Yes…” I couldn’t begin to tell her how good Allie’s care was.
“Do you listen to her?” Martha’s eyes twinkled with…did I detect mischief?
“Always… I trust her completely.”
Martha turned her attention to Allie.
“Does Andi obey you?”
“Completely… She anticipates my every need.” Allie gazed at me with….pride?
“And Andi satisfies your… Oh dear… How shall I put this?” Martha gazed off for a moment. “Your more…corporal needs…?”
“Entirely…!” Allie laughed.
“So what are you waiting for?” Martha snickered. “The poor child obviously adores you and you seem to be in complete control. So you must lead and young Andi I’m sure will follow.”
It was as if a huge light bulb went on inside of Allie’s head. I’ve never seen such a grin on her face as she nodded at Martha.
“We really must do a little shopping.” Martha grinned wryly. “Perhaps I shall invite Susan to come along. We can speak of things that women of our…our manner need discuss. I understand that Susan has already stood for you and proposed you for membership in our…club.”
“Yes… She was very insistent that I consider it.”
“Yes… I can see why.” Martha chuckled. “If I may put in a little word?”
“Yes… Of course…” Allie sat forward. Martha had not taken her hand off of ours.
“Should you choose to join us, your mother will drop dead on the spot when you tell her.” Martha chuckled with glee. “She has wanted that privilege for years but nobody will bring her name up. I’m sure you understand why.”
Allie could barely contain herself with the image of her mother face upon hearing that news.
“Now here’s the rub. Andi would ordinarily have guest privileges and only with the particular member present. Those privileges are confined to the dining room and the library and there are so many other features to partake in that would be off limits.”
“Why can’t I be a member?”
I was a wee bit put off but I didn’t quite whine; although I felt like whining.
“Well dear...” Martha gazed at me with a smile but her brows were wrinkled in an expression of sympathy. “First of all… Nobody has proposed you for membership. Neither Allie nor I may do that. You’re my direct relation and she’s…well…she’s the mother of your child. Secondly, and quite sadly, you are not a genetic woman.”
I was forlorn. No…I was lost. My heart sank at the thought that I couldn’t ‘partake’ of everything in Allie’s life. This would definitely separate and delineate our relationship.
“But… If you are the spouse of a member, then you share their privileges providing you are not a male.” Martha gazed at me intensely. “And you are not a male…are you?”
I glanced at Allie for help but she simply smiled. She was enjoying my torture at the hands of my aunt. And Martha simply sat smiling gently but her eyes were piercing.
“Ummm…” I had to swallow. “I guess I’m not?”
“My own wife as well as Marti’s, my business partner, are in the same situation as you. Many of our members have found that wives such as you make for far superior life mates. Unfortunately whenever a vote comes up to remedy the situation of full membership, we fall short.” Martha’s Gray eyes turned quite sharp as she looked toward Allie. “Our mutual acceptance of one another is very crucial to change what should have been changed some time ago.”
“I understand completely.” Allie smiled and nodded. “It’s a minor detail in the scheme of things. But it’s the minor overlooked details that often are our downfall.”
Martha’s grin widened.
“I knew you would understand. You’re a very smart young woman. I’m sure you’ll learn much from our sisters and you will discover the power you truly have…and I might say…deserve.”
“And you recognize that Allie is in control of this relationship…and of you for that matter.”
“Uhhh… Yes…?”
“Well then… It’s settled.” Martha rubbed her hands together and she became most animated. “There hasn’t been a wedding at the club in some time. And I can’t think of two young people I’d rather see being the objects of attention.”
“But…” My voice was barely a whisper.
“Oh my God…! We’ll need to start planning.” Allie was so full of energy…and life. “There’s so much that will need to be done.”
“But…”
I kind of sank into myself. These two women were suddenly planning the rest of my life.
“Yes… Well…” Martha chuckled. “Let’s not put the cart before the horse. It would be wiser to consolidate the two accounts and drawn a monthly from it. What you need do my dear…” Martha grasped Allie’s hand. “…is formulate what your monthly expenses will be and that can disbursed automatically. But please do think big. There will be travel and seasonal events and of course the matter of another little mouth to feed.”
Whilst Martha and Allie spoke for quite a bit longer, I was still trying to get a firm grip…on everything. I noticed Meg jotting down notes as they spoke. She glanced up at me and smiled quite warmly. I was somewhat surprised that Meg was attending such an intimate meeting. But Martha, I’m quite sure, would prove to be full of surprises.
The ladies finished their conversation and Martha got up from her seat. I stood as well. Martha opened her arms wide and smiled tenderly at me. I seemed to be pulled into her arms and we held one another closely.
I began to softly weep again.
I was so very full of emotion and the need to belong. I felt one of her arms move from me and she embraced Allie as well. For the first time in a very long time, maybe ever, I had a family; a real family.
Martha backed away a wee bit and gazed at us both, her eyes also wet with tears and a huge smile on her face.
“Well children…” Somehow I found that appellation coming from her lips to be so comfortable. “I think it’s time we perhaps go have a bit of lunch.” Martha turned to Meg. “Meg dear… Let Mister Stone know we’re ready to go home.”
Meg smiled and wiped away yet another tear. She came to where we stood and hugged us all; Martha last. Their hug seemed to last just a bit longer. Meg whispered something into Martha’s ear and Martha replied. They hugged again and Meg went off to the door by the head of the table.
“Would you care to join us Meg?” Martha called out as Meg was crossing the door’s threshold.
“Somebody’s got to run the shop.” Meg waved and laughed.
Martha turned to us again.
“She’s right you know.” Martha chuckled. “I would be lost without her. Allie dear… I think it’s time we made your grand appearance at the club. Lunch time is always interesting and the dining room attracts a rather diverse crowd of members.” Martha linked arms with one of us on each side of her. “We want to make our intentions very clear although I’m sure Susan has been canvassing members.”
As we exited the large oak double doors of the conference room, Meg met us and helped Martha on with her sky blue linen blazer and her attaché and purse. We bid our goodbyes to Meg and the three of us proceeded down the long hallway to the elevator banks. When we arrived at the elevators, Martha reached into her blazer pocket and pulled out a key on a small gold fob.
“A privilege of position…” Martha chuckled as she inserted the key into a lock and turned it. “This one only goes to the top four floors. It’s not that I mind the people…” The stainless steel door immediately slid open and we entered. “It’s only that usually I’m in a rush to go somewhere and the…’local’ transit simply won’t do.”
Martha again used her key to turn the lock for the ground floor. I gazed about the car and noticed its splendid appointments down to the upholstered wooden bench against the dark wood paneling. Martha sat down as the elevator descended.
“Of course I normally take one of the other elevators in the mornings. I like to hear the chatter and let my people know I’m around. But today is special and I can’t wait to be in a more informal and less sterile surrounding.” Martha reached for my hand and I gazed down at her. “I can’t wait to bring you to my home. I have several things that might be of great interest to you.”
In little time we were out on the busy street. Martha led us to the waiting huge black car waiting curbside. The huge man, Mister Stone, opened the rear door. I thought it so strange that the door opened in the opposite direction than any other car I’d ever seen. Martha turned to us.
“I’m afraid we’ll be a bit snug in the rear but I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
Martha let Allie in first and seated her next to the near side door. She was about to allow me in next when I noticed the ornament on the car’s front. It seemed to be a winged figure of some sort. I simply had to take a quick look as Martha chuckled.
“Artists…” She said with a laugh as she spoke to Mister Stone. “They simply must explore everything. They touch, they smell, they taste, and most of all, they see things in a manner totally foreign to people like you and I.”
“So I’ve noticed…” He said with a chuckle.
I heard Mister Stone speak as I reached out to touch the figure of a winged woman and thought how fitting a symbol for Martha. I smiled at the smooth curved surfaces and a thousand ideas flashed through my mind. But there would be time later to recall these images. As I walked back and entered the car Martha spoke to me.
“She’s called the Spirit of Ecstasy.
Any thoughts dear...? Martha’s brows arched.
“Oh my God yes…! A thousand…!” I giggled and took my place in the center of the rear bench seat.
Martha chuckled as she entered and waved me to the other side. She sat between us and took our hands in each of her own. I took a moment to survey the inside of the massive vehicle. In spite of there being three of us in the rear, I found that there was even room to spare.
The interior had to be done by a very competent interior designer. The wood, steel, and fabric appointments were amazing. The fabric appeared to be silk or a silk blend and the pattern was finely printed. The powder blue fabric that lined the interior exhibited flowers and trees in a subdued color spectrum. It could have been hung as a work of design art.
There were two desks attached to the divide between the rear of the interior and the front where Mister Stone sat after closing the door behind us. A monitor was sandwiched between the desks and footrests were just below the arrangement. Beneath the screen was what appeared to be a cooler or a refrigerator?
“Where is the bar?” I quipped with a giggle.
“Oh dear…” Martha said with a sad smile. “I’m afraid I’m sitting on it.” She chuckled. “But if you would like some fruit juice or a bit of sparkling wine I have some in the fridge.”
“This car is amazing.” Allie was wide-eyed and giggly.
“Yes…” Martha smiled. “It was Pet’s idea. This constitutes my office on the way to where ever I’m going. Sometimes the morning traffic is so horrid that I’m thankful she thought of making it a bit more…comfortable? And we can all fit in with relative comfort. I have another car for those treasured days when she and I can escape for a few hours into the country.
We spoke quite casually on our journey up the East River Drive. I was captivated by the views and my surroundings to such an extent that my face actually hurt from smiling. We exited at Seventy First Street and headed west finally arriving at a huge double townhouse on East Sixty Eighth Street.
Mister Stone exited the car but before he could even reach for the door handle a rather fit man dressed in dark suit reached us first. He opened the door and extended his hand to me. I gladly took it as I exited first. He greeted me warmly as I stepped onto the sidewalk followed by Martha.
“Good afternoon Ms. Gray…” The man smiled as he offered his hand.
“Good afternoon Mister Jameson…” Martha smiled warmly at him.
“Good afternoon madam…” Mister Jameson said to Allie.
“Mister Jameson… May I introduce my niece Andi and her…” Martha gazed off for a moment. “…her friend Alison Morris. Ms. Morris will become one of our associate members.”
Mister Jameson smiled at us.
“Congratulations Ms. Morris and welcome.” Then he turned to me. “And it’s certainly a pleasure to meet you Ms. Gray.”
‘Ms. Gray’...? Of course it was only natural that he assumed my name family name was Gray. Martha hadn’t bothered with my last name. Though I was a bit shocked, I had to admit it did have a certain…ring to it? I was becoming accustomed to the pronoun and, truth to tell, I was beginning to like it?
Mister Jameson went ahead of us and opened the huge wooden door with a simple brass plaque on it. The plaque had, in large letters, S.O.S. engraved in French script. Martha led the way into a most marvelous atrium. Different colored marbles and granites gave a classical elegance to the reception area. Fine Persian carpets littered the stone floor and oils hung on the walls.
“Good afternoon Ms. Gray…”
Another very well dressed man approached us. “Your office called and informed us you would be coming with two guests.”
“Yes…” Martha smiled. “This is my niece Andi and her friend Allie Morris. Ms. Morris is up for membership.”
“Yes…” The man looked at Allie. “It’s so nice to see you again Ms. Morris. Ms. Scoville has done nothing but speak highly of you.”
Allie blushed coquelicot but her smile said it all.
“Your table is prepared Ms. Gray.”
The man turned and led us into the dining room. I felt as though I’d stepped back into the nineteenth century.
The appointments were amazing.
The green and gold wall paper was accented by crystal sconces and chandeliers that held real candles. Each table held two long tapers in crystal holders giving off a very intimate light.
The tables were covered in very fine linens and the weight of the flatware screamed sterling. Several crystal glasses were set to the right of each place and several freshly cut and very fragrant flowers were placed in silver flutes. Once again oils and drawings hung on the walls. Everything spoke of wealth and the kind of people that actually might have earned it.
But what was the most striking was the absence of any men other than servers and attendants of various sorts. As we proceeded through the aisles between tables, Martha was stopped and greeted. Allie even recognized two of the women dining and she detoured briefly to say hello. They all glanced at me long enough to cause me to smile, blush electric crimson profusely, and cast my eyes down to the fine Persian carpet runners beneath my feet.
Martha and I were seated whilst Allie remained for another few moments speaking to the women. The man who escorted us in held my chair out as I sat and assisted as I moved a bit closer to the table. That so reminded me of my evenings out with Peter. Almost immediately a waiter came up to the table.
“Perhaps something to drink Ms. Gray…and…Ms. Gray…?” He smiled warmly.
“Yes…” Martha’s eyes sparkled. “I’ll have my usual.”
“And you madam…?”
“Ummm…”
I should have been accustomed to the service but I was still in awe of the entire day. I glanced at Martha. Usually Allie took care of these things for me.
“Maybe a glass of white wine...? But something not too…dry…? Oh… And Allie will have an iced tea.” I said shyly.
“Perhaps the Chardonnay sixty nine…” Martha gazed at the waiter.
“An excellent choice…” And the waiter was off.
I leaned closer to Martha.
“There are no men eating here.” I was so curious but Martha simply chuckled.
“This is a lady’s club sweet heart. Men are only allowed entry at specific times. Although this is one of them…luncheon during the week…it’s usually only for business purposes. Male spouses are permitted on weekends and for special events. But they must always be attired in tuxedos regardless of how the wife is dressed. You see, we consider it a distinct privilege for a man, any man, to enter this club and so they should be attired accordingly.” Martha smiled as our waiter returned with our drinks.
I sat stunned. I gazed around and all the women and, aside from sneaking discrete glances toward us, they all seemed quite intent upon speaking with one another. From time to time laughter could be heard. As Allie came up to our table, one of the servers assisted her in sitting.
“Well…” Martha chuckled. “I see you wasted no time in making friends.”
“I met them through Susan. They are so delightful and what a wicked sense of humor.” Allie giggled. She took my hand and gazed at me. “They wanted to know all about you. They seemed so surprised that you are the father of our child.”
“Really…” Martha chuckled.
“Yes…”
Allie was excited to the point of kind of bouncing up and down in her chair like a small child on Christmas morning about to unwrap gifts; as if I’d known.
“I told them you were in the process of transitioning which seemed to delight them.”
“You did? It did?”
I was a bit shocked that such intimate knowledge was being bantered about. I must have paled a bit.
“Oh sweet heart…” Allie gave me her best maternal gaze. “It’s not a sin or a crime. And it does make the others here feel less…exposed? Plus baby doll… We have no secrets here.”
“Exposed…?” I was totally clueless...and exposed.
“Listen darling…” Martha placed her hand upon mine. “Pet transitioned several years ago and none of the members look twice or even think about it. She’s completely accepted for who she is. And so will you… After all, you’re only completing something you started on your own.”
“Yeah…” I sighed and took a sip of my wine. “I suppose you’re both right.”
“You must remember that you’re surrounded by very strong and independent women who more often than not had to go head to head with men. And…” Martha’s eyes sparkled as she spoke. “More often than not we won. So we simply want a place where we can gather and enjoy ourselves without the encumbrance of men.”
“That is so totally cool.” Allie nearly squealed.
“And…” Martha said rather off handedly. “We can exchange tidbits of information that are most helpful in maintaining our…” Martha smiled wryly. “…station.”
Our server returned with leather bound menus and proceeded to explain the items and how they were prepared. This was no doubt for Allie and my benefit than Martha’s. Of late I’d been letting Allie choose our meals. She could barely eat whatever she ordered. Our child was hogging more and more interior space so if she couldn’t eat everything, at least she could have a taste of what she desired.
Allie was quick to decide. It would be rack of lamb…she normally hated lamb…and a seafood salad. Martha ordered her ‘usual’, whatever that was, and our server disappeared.
I really don’t remember much about the meal other than the food being excellent. Everything seemed to be a blur. I would smile and blush a plethora of reds when I heard something flattering. And I would gaze up at Allie, who was quite animated. And I at Martha who was just as animated and excited.
“What is it dear?” Martha said as she placed her hand upon mine.
“Well…?” I took a deep breath and then a sip of the wine. “Everything is so…overwhelming.”
“How so…?” I gazed at Martha and she look concerned.
“Well…?” I glanced up at Allie. “It’s been almost a year since I finished school and moved in with Allie.’ That didn’t quite come out the way I meant. I sighed. “And I don’t recognize myself or my life. It’s like things are moving so fast and it frightens me.”
“It’s totally understandable sweet heart.” Martha spoke softly, smiled and gently patted my hand. “You’ve come from nowhere and suddenly you’re more than you ever dreamed you would be. You feel as though the world is eating you up. The pressures seem to be building and everybody wants a piece of you.”
“Yeah…”
I dabbed at a tear before it fell.
Martha signaled to our server and ordered another glass of wine for me. In truth…I needed it. I felt so…so over wroth.
“Allie dear… We must keep this one very close.” Martha looked at me with her most piercing gaze. “And don’t you dare become your father!” Martha’s sharp change of tone startled me. “The world around him became too large to handle. You’re an artist. I forbid you to think. You’re only allowed to feel and to tell us what you feel through your art. Is that understood?”
“Yes…” I giggled through my tears.
“There… That’s so much better. Life is too short to overwhelm oneself with such…such utter nonsense.” Martha laughed. “Anyway… Thinking is reserved for philosophers and sophists who add nothing to the world but questions when the real truth is what we choose to make it.”
I felt better. My world was building up and the bricks of my foundation were protectors; Peter, Rhona, Jill, Susan, always Allie, and now Martha. It’s not that the world was such a frightening place. It’s that the people in it could be so unreasonably demanding. People like the ‘suits’ Peter fended off and that Martha seemed to control like so many finger puppets.
I admired…no…I envied the way Martha dealt with people. I admired how she dealt so very warmly with Meg and so civilly with Mister Stone. I envied the manner she chose to deal with her ‘suits’; a flick of the wrist and they were gone like faint apparitions.
Martha seemed to almost instinctively know how to deal with whomever she happened across right down to the service people at her club; who she treated most respectfully.
“Oh…” Allie suddenly sat up with a distressed look upon her face.
“Are you okay?” I was more than a bit worried.
“Just indigestion…again…” She smiled at Martha. “I think I overdid it…again.”
“Nonsense dear…” Martha reached across the table to touch her hand. “It comes with the territory you’ve entered.”
“Yeah… But I should know better.” Allie giggled as the acid attack eased a bit.
“You should have your OB-GYN prescribe something for you.” Martha smiled sympathetically. “I know there was something our surrogate took whilst she was carrying. And she had terrible acid with the twins.”
“Oh my God…! I have twin…cousins?” I knew there was Petra but I had no idea.
“Indeed you do.” Martha chuckled. “The entire process was quite…interesting. A bit of Pet’s sperm…”
“Sperm…?” My jaw dropped.
“Why yes dear… Pet is…well…quite like you.” Martha chuckled. “And several of my not quite so rotten eggs were put together. So yes…indeed… They are your directly related cousins. We found a young woman in India who not only was as perfect a surrogate as physically possible, but also desired to be educated. So we brought her here where we could safely monitor the situation and attend to her education.”
“How clever…” Allie smiled broadly.
“Well…” Martha said quite breathily as she laughed. “I certainly wasn’t going to carry them and poor Pet, although she desperately would have given anything to do so, simply couldn’t. But she did get to nurse them quite a bit and that seemed to adequately fulfill her desire to experience motherhood.”
“Well…” Allie said with a wicked glimmer in her eyes. “Andi hopes to do the same. The poor dear also so desperately wants to feel the experience, or at least be an active part of it.”
“Good for you.” Martha smiled at me and patted my hand. “And well you should. It is an amazing experience even partaken second hand.”
We spoke for a while longer and I relaxed as the second glass of wine performed its magic. But poor Allie was really feeling uncomfortable and needed to get up and move around a bit. I gazed at the remains of my meal and hers and discreetly asked Martha if we could take the food with us.
“Nonsense…” She laughed. “I’ll have two meals prepared in full and they’ll be delivered to my home.” Martha smiled and she winked at me and whispered: “We don’t do doggie bags here.”
As we began to exit the dining room, my glass of wine in hand, I had a chance to view some of the pieces hanging on the walls.
“Those are wonderful lithos.” I muttered to myself.
“My dear girl…” Martha chuckled. “Those are not lithos.”
I was stunned. They were obviously Audubon watercolours. But originals…? They would be priceless.
“All the artwork you’ll see are originals.” Martha chuckled. “Not to sound pretentious… But this club has been in existence for quite some time and the members have seen fit to donate their art to our walls. Some of us, myself excluded…” Martha laughed. “…have excellent taste in art. And many of the works were purchased before the artists were acknowledged as extremely important.”
Martha led us across the atrium to a large room opposite the dining room. In it were glass doored bookcases containing what appeared to be leather covered tomes as well as various other volumes of some age. The furniture was of green leather covered wood and the pieces were antique. Each heavily upholstered chair and each settee had an accompanying end table with a brass shaded lamp to provide a private atmosphere for the reader.
Artwork hung between the cases and ceramics upon pedestals or brackets mounted upon the walls. There were three very large window bays with lace curtains drawn to prevent prying eyes from peering into this very private domain. I was gazing about the room as I sipped my wine when suddenly my eyes saw it.
I began to cough and choke mid sip.
“Are you alright?” Allie immediately began to pat me on my back as if I would cough up a bit of something.
I simply pointed in mid cough to the far wall.
There hung the painting I did of Allie as I envisioned her near full term pregnancy. I loved that particular work. It exhibited a side of Allie that I think I envied the most; creation.
“I see…” Martha chuckled. “Our collection consists mostly of landscapes and wild life, such as birds, flowers, and such. When we do accept a work consisting of a figure, it’s usually of a member of outstanding accomplishments or something portraying the female form…or nature as in that case. I had no idea you were the artist.” Martha touched my cheek with her finger tips. “There are several of you works in our club that I do know of.”
“But who donated them?”
I was curious to know who would pay such prices to only give the art away…sort of.
“I really don’t know.” Martha said as she gazed at the painting. “But I do believe that one was donated by Susan.” Martha turned to face me. “She is your biggest booster you know. I knew she insisted that several of the other members attend your last showing and I’m fairly confident they purchased some of your work.” Martha took my hand in hers and she bent to kiss it. “Your dear Allie’s nude body graces the walls of one of the upstairs hallways and one of her…with child as they say…is on the third floor in our spa area.”
I can say I truly found this to be gratifying...and edifying. Of course an artist needs to see a reflection of their work in the eyes of others. It’s really our only sense of truth in what we see in our own eyes.
But to see, or I should say hear, of so much of my work in one place turned my sense of what is real into the surreal. In reality others have purchased my pieces; people that I do not know. I know I should have expected as much? But this was a shock none the less.
“Shall we walk over to my home?” Martha asked. “There you may kick off your shoes and simply relax of roam about. Pet will be there and anxiously awaiting both of you.”
“Is it far?” Allie asked.
“Dear me no… It’s only across the street and several doors down the block.” Martha smiled but looked concerned. “But if you’re a bit fatigued, I could have Mister Stone come with the car. It would be no trouble at all.”
“Oh no…” Allie grasped Martha’s arm. “I would enjoy the chance to move around a little.”
We exited the building, the doorman holding the door opened whilst bidding us a very good afternoon. I must say I felt more than a wee bit buzzed from the wine. We linked arms again with Martha between us and we strode across the street and down the block. The fresh air was delightful and I’d forgotten that it was only midafternoon. We had spent nearly two and one half amazing hours in the club.
How will Andi relate to his new found ‘auntie’? How will Allie relate to Andi’s new found ‘auntie’? How will Martha relate to Andi? How will Martha relate to Allie? Can these questions become more insipid? Did you deposit your tissues appropriately? Does that answer the last insipid question? For further madness of epic proportions and questions of greater insipidness…be sure to read the next newly FDA, DHS, TSA, and CIA approved chapter of ‘Andi and Allie’!!!
Andi and Allie – Chapter 30
“…and a silver sixpence in her shoe.”
Martha’s home was every bit as elegant, if not even more so, than the club. The stone work was evident throughout the atrium as were the fine Persian carpets. Original oils and water colors hung on the walls and fine ceramics were tastefully placed on the various tables. The interior was only slightly smaller than that of the club but the home stood on two full lots.
I guessed that the dining room was to my left and the parlor to my right. The closed door to my immediate left happened to be a ‘lounge’. And to my right there was what appeared to be an office. After placing her purse upon one of the tables by the entrance, Martha immediately took us into her office.
“I thought you…”
Before Martha could even finish her sentence I saw the portrait. I recognized the unique style immediately. My father had painted this portrait of an older balding man with the most amazing eyes…and an amazing nose! But on him it looked very distinguished. I turned to Martha in shock…again.
“Yes sweet heart…” She smiled gently. “Your father painted this portrait of his father; your grandfather.”
I walked up as close as I could, Martha’s large credenza being in the way; its top littered with files and various pictures with other people. The brush strokes were his signature; very precise and very…eloquent; as was his pinched face and hawk nose?
“I’ve never seen this one before.” I spoke to the painting.
“It was never catalogued. There are others I’m sure you’d be most intrigued with.”
‘Intrigued’ didn’t even begin to describe what I felt. The manner in which my father managed to capture the spirit of this obviously quite accomplished man was what I longed to achieve. I was so fascinated by the image that I never heard Petra enter the room.
“Ahhh… Pet my dear…” I turned to see Martha kiss a young woman on the lips. “Come here and meet our…” Martha turned to Allie and me. “…new family. This is Allie. And this…” Martha grasped my arm. “Is my…niece Andi.”
Pet, who was perfectly gorgeous and so very well attired, took Allie’s hand and kissed her on the cheek. Then she took mine hand and simply gazed at me for the longest moment.
“Your work is incredible. That portrait…” She kissed both my cheeks. “I am truly happy to meet you. When Martha told me of your existence, I thought it an act of God.”
There was actually a tear in Pet's eye.
“Portrait…?”
I couldn’t imagine which one…or if she meant a work with Allie as the focus.
“Yes… Come, let me show you.” Martha hooked her arm with mine. “Pet dear… Why don’t you take Allie up in the lift.”
“Oh yes… Of course…” She smiled noticing Allie’s baby bump.
“You see Andi…” Martha spoke as we left her office and proceeded up the stone stairs covered with Persian carpet runners. “When Susan showed me the portrait you did of her and the little ones, I was struck by the similarity to one I have of my father and me.”
As we climbed the stairs, I had to stop and gaze at artwork that made Peter’s collection seem almost…insignificant? We past a Gauguin, Toulouse-Lautrec, and a Matisse only to arrive at a Picasso near the top of the long flight. A Braque met us at the top only to be followed by another Picasso and, of course, a Duchamp. There were two Dali drawings and even an O’Keeffe as we walked down the hallway toward the double doors at the end.
Martha let loose of my arm as she reached for the polished brass handles. She opened both the doors and pushed them back. Facing me was the portrait I assumed Pet was speaking of. I was immediately stunned and tears came to my eyes. I walked toward it as if in a dream.
It was, in so many ways, identical to the one I’d done for Susan. The setting, the coloration, the figure placement and, most importantly, the fire in the eyes of Martha as a child and her father were all frighteningly familiar. I drew even closer to examine the brush strokes even though I already knew the artist. I turned and looked at Martha.
“Yes…” Her hand went to her mouth and she cleared her throat. “Your father painted that.”
“But it’s signed Colbert!” I was shocked.
“Your father feared it being barred from the house because our father so very much disapproved of his lifestyle.” Martha sighed. “That’s when Colbert was…born shall we say?”
I happened to notice a chair by a desk. I pulled it out and sat down. I felt I would faint if I didn’t. But I simply couldn’t take my eyes from the painting. This wasn’t catalogued either.
“Are there others?” I needed to know.
“Indeed there are. I keep them out of the public’s eye. Come dear…” Martha placed both her hands upon my shoulders and bent to kiss the top of my head. “I have others in the next room.”
I gingerly got up from the chair not even noticing that Allie and Pet had joined us. As I walked toward the next set of double doors I noticed it.
“Oh my God…!” I stared at Martha. “You bought it?”
My self-portrait hung opposite the doors. Allie quickly rushed to my side and took hold of my arm.
“Yes… Well… I was so taken with the piece you did for Susan I insisted that she let me know of anything I might be interested in.” Martha stared at the work. “I didn’t know who you were or what you were thinking but…” Martha turned from me and sighed as she gazed my work. “When I saw this I truly realized what pain your father suffered for most of his life.” She turned to face me. “Sometimes…” She paused and gently smiled. “A painting is worth more than a thousand words?”
“I really didn’t want to sell it.”
I was still dabbing at my tears from the last piece.
“Allie and Bob Preston kind of convinced me…sort of.” I sniffled.
“Yes… I can understand that. It really is quite…revealing?”
I nodded.
“I feel as though I should give you your money back. I would want you to have it anyway.”
“Nonsense…!” Martha was quite firm. Then her voice softened. “Do you know what makes art great?”
I shook my head. I only wish I knew. I could recite all the analytical crap I learned in school. But in truth I felt it was something special about a piece that went beyond the definitions of the critics and the dilatants and the ignorant parlor talk at parties from those who never had a picture in their minds.
“Art is good when you can feel what the artist is feeling. But great art challenges one to find one’s own meaning in the work.” Martha turned from me to the portrait. She stood silently as she gazed at it. “In this painting I see all the pain of my brother. I see just how terribly fractured he was.” She turned to me with tears in her eyes. “And I had no idea the work was his…”
Pet handed a tissue to Martha.
“…his child’s.”
Allie came up behind me and encircled my waist with her arms. She rested her chin upon my shoulder. I laid my head against hers.
“Why did he stop working? I mean…it should have been his most productive period.”
“Do you recall when you first drew something other than stick figures?”
I hadn’t expected a question as an answer.
“When I was…” I had to think back. “…four…maybe…?”
“He stopped painting eighteen years ago and died two years afterward.” Martha smiled sadly at us. “And you would have been about…four or so?” Martha turned back to the portrait. “Life simply overwhelmed him at that point. I was sending him eight thousand dollars each month and yet he was always penniless. The drugs simply took everything from him.”
Martha, deep in thoughts or memories, rocked back on one heel and gazed at the pump’s toe.
“Come… My sweet hearts… Let me show you the rest of his work.” She suddenly said with a gentle smile
Martha turned toward the doors. As we turned I noticed that Pet was silently wiping away her tears. I’d forgotten she was even with us. As we all entered the lift to descend, Pet gazed at me and smiled. I couldn’t help but comment on her OOTD.
“You look so beautiful. I love what you’re wearing.”
As we descended Pet and I began to talk. It was then that I remembered, from only several passing comments, that she was like…me…sort of? She must have guessed as much as well because she gave me that knowing smile; kind of Bette Davis style?
The dining room was as elegant as anyone could imagine. The style was colonial and authentic pieces, the server, the breakfront as well as the table and twelve chairs matching chairs scattered about, seemed so very fitting given the nature and posture of Martha. I immediately recognized a Bryant and a Poor on the same wall as the breakfront.
Then I spotted my father’s piece.
There was no mistaking his style; his use light and color. The landscape was a larger canvas that centered over the server. It was framed by two tall, simple, pewter candle holders; the tapers waiting use.
“How much of his work do you have?” The painting was not catalogued.
“I really don’t know.” Martha said wistfully as she gazed off for a moment in thought. “There are twelve very fine works hanging.” She turned to look at Allie and me. “There are…oh…” Martha paused and rolled her eyes upward in thought. “…perhaps another twenty or twenty five stored of the third floor along with the work of others. Then there are the many sketch pads and the notebooks…and of course his studies.”
“Is any of it catalogued?”
I was stunned. Martha had it all! The drawings, the notebooks and pads and the studies would be priceless…at least to me. Indeed the entire collection was…priceless…truly priceless.
“No dear… I saw no reason to bring these to the public’s eye.” I could see Martha was fighting back tears. “His mind was in a very desolate place. He was not unaware of how…how very fragile his condition was. So every month I would receive something from him. He no longer even bothered to sell his work.”
“Oh… Oh God…!” Allie looked shocked and turned a shade of fine rosewood as one hand flew to her lower tummy and the other to her…crotch?
“Are you okay?” I was suddenly brought back to reality…mine and Allie’s.
“Excuse me… I need the…potty?” Allie couldn’t get the words out fast enough.
“Oh please…” Pet said with smiling confidence.
Pet took her gently by the arm and led her to the half bath just outside the dining room. I started to follow but Pet held her palm out stopping me.
“It’s okay.” She smiled quite confidently. “I’ve got this.”
I looked questioningly at Martha.
“Mother to be problems I’m sure…” She chuckled. “Pet and I went through many of these little wrinkles with our surrogate. You needn’t worry.”
I stared for the longest moment at the closed door. Pet suddenly came out and went towards the back end of the house.
“May I see his sketches and notebooks?” I spoke whilst still gazing out toward the closed door.
“You will see it all. After all, you have as much a right to his work as I do. All of it is stored on the third floor. We have a special room for all the artwork. What you see displayed is only a small portion. Pet likes to change the works periodically.” Martha placed her hand upon my shoulder. “Come… Sweet heart… Let’s go into the parlor and perhaps have some coffee and a bit of port.”
I let Martha lead the way as we passed the closed half bath door. Pet was rushing back with what appeared to be a plastic zip lock bag.
“There are other matters we do need to discuss.” Martha locked her arm with mine and led me into a rather bold art deco reception room.
Now art deco is not one of my faves.
It tends to be a bit kitschy and pretentious for my taste in that everything seems to be upholstered and the materials always seems to clash in my mind’s eye. Metal with wood and chintz fabrics with odd shaped throw cushions always made me think of surreal dreams…or nightmares.
But once again Martha’s interior designer, I mean someone with real knowledge of art had to be responsible, handled the style with elegance. Much of the furniture I recognized as being of Swedish design and originals obviously custom made for Martha.
The modern art fit in perfectly. And there was a good sized Dali along with a Metzinger and a Cadorin that hung on one long wall along with one of my father’s experimental works. Two more of my father’s paintings were on the opposite wall with a Warhol piece and several black and white photographs.
“I don’t do very much entertaining here.” Martha said as she sat down on a couch. “That’s what the club is for. I prefer my private life to be…private.” She chuckled and gazed off as I walked over to where my father’s work hung. “Lord only knows my public life provides way more than ample exposure.”
Allie and Pet walked into the room just as I turned to look at another work.
“Are you okay?” I was really concerned.
“Oh sure baby doll… I just…leaked? I think that’s going to happen more and more as time goes on.” Allie blushed revenge red.
“It does come with the job.” Pet smiled sympathetically. “Pressure on the bladder and all that…”
I had no idea. Clueless yet again…
“Pet sweet heart… Would you be so kind and have the ladies prepare coffee and some fresh fruit and whatever sweet cakes we might have?” Martha’s smile was an embrace of adoration. “And have them fetch a bottle of port with glasses.” Martha gazed at Allie. “Why don’t you sit next to Andi sweet heart? We still have a bit of business to discuss.”
Allie smiled and sat down quite tentatively. I looked at her and Allie simply shrugged her shoulders. I knew she just didn’t want to have another accident. Pet sat in an arm chair cattycorner from Martha. Martha smiled at Allie.
“You do realize that Andi now owns a significant percentage of Grey Adams.” Allie nodded. “You must also then realize that Andi has a significant say in the workings of our company.”
I had no idea of where Martha was going with this but Allie grinned.
“Well…?” Allie rolled her eyes upward. “I really don’t think Andi should be spending any time worrying about things that are…distracting?”
Martha smiled.
“You are quite clever. I’m sure you must realize where Andi’s entire being must be focused.”
“Well…?” Allie looked like the cat that just ate the canary…and the goldfish…and the entire evening’s meal! “Andi’s focus must be entirely on her art. And of course my needs; especially in my present condition.”
Martha chuckled.
“I agree entirely. But Andi still must have representation. She does own a considerable amount of shares in the company. And I would so detest having any outsider act as…Andi’s agent. Wouldn’t you agree?” Martha eyed Allie with a shrewd smile.
“Oh… Absolutely…! It simply wouldn’t be right.” Allie giggled as she took my hand in hers and gave a reassuring squeeze. “I could act as Andi’s…agent? I mean I already do that with his art sales...sort of? And of course I have you to assist and teach me.”
Martha grinned.
“You must understand that we do have others who sit on the board. But since I’ve been acting for the estate’s interest, and with Marti Adams on my side of things, we’ve been able to steer the company in directions that some of the other board members aren’t always pleased to entertain.”
“Oh... I understand fully and I’m sure that Andi’s interests would never stray from any path that you might choose.”
I looked at Allie and then at Martha. The way they smiled at one another made me uneasy at first. Then I realized what wasn’t being said. They had a perfect understanding of one another; at least where it concerned my holdings…whatever those are?
“Then it’s settled.” Martha smiled warmly. “I’ll have our general counsel draw up the agency agreement. Of course there will be a clause that permits Andi to nullify the agreement at any time and the voting rights will revert back to him.”
“Of course…” Allie giggled.
“And although my company will maintain the management of the assets, you will have the right to question any decisions made.” Martha chuckled. “How else will you learn?”
“I hope that will include what I’m adding to the pot.” Allie also grinned.
“Of course my dear… I think a separate accounting should be kept in the event of any sort is issues that might develop in the future.”
“What’s going on? I don’t understand?” I got somewhat lost in the ladies planning.
“Oh baby doll…” I got Allie’s sympathetic smile. “All we’re doing is taking a burden off your back. You really don’t need to worry yourself about such things as board meetings and financial decisions. You already allow me to deal with your money…right?”
“Yeah… I do kind of lose track of things.” I had to sadly admit that was true.
“Well…? All we’re doing is taking the money factor out of the equation. I’ll certainly tell you everything you need to know. But I’m sure none of it will be of real interest. Just think of all the suits uptown that would die to bring in only one account half the size of the three you’ve given them. And you don’t even bother to look at the bonus’ they give you.”
“Yeah… I guess that’s true. But what about that part with me not letting you do stuff? What’s that all about?”
Allie giggled. “Well baby doll… It’s kind of a pre-nup? Like if you decide to dump me, all you need to do is let Martha know in writing.” Allie gazed at Martha. “You know…? We might as well get that out of the way too. The separate accounting will make it easier for us to financially part company?”
“Clever girl…” Martha said with a chuckle. “I know we’ll be able to pick your brain from time to time.”
“But that would never happen!” I needed to sound insistent.
“Of course it won’t ever happen. Just imagine life without me.” Allie snickered as she leaned over and kissed my very worried looking face. “And with each passing day it becomes most and more impossible to live without me. But…” Allie pointed her finger up. “Each passing day makes me love you, and need you, even more than now I do. So we’re both stuck with one another.”
At just that moment, a woman, probably older than Allie by several years, entered the room in a perfectly tailored grey uniform rolling a tea cart. Pet got up to meet her half way with a huge smile. The top of the cart was covered with a platter of fresh fruit, another one with very delicate looking pastries, and a third with cheeses. A sterling silver coffee urn with matching sugar and cream bowls accompanied by fine china cups and saucers completed the picture.
“Thank you Sofia… I’ll serve if you don’t mind.” Pet said softly with a smile.
Pet proved to be an amazing hostess. She served Allie first and then me. Pet knew exactly what Martha desired so she didn’t even need to ask. The port was amazing. I had to hold the small belled glass up to the light. The redness of the wine was so very deep. I was so entranced that I failed to hear Martha speaking to me. Allie gently touched my arm and I turned to look at her.
“What…?” I even spoke in a distracted manner.
“I said…” Martha chuckled. “It’s all about light and color; isn’t it?”
“May I have some of this in a small bottle?” I gazed back at the glass.
“The color is amazing.”
“Why you may take the remains of the bottle if you wish. It is an excellent vintage. And should we finish it…” Martha took a sip of the wine. “I will make sure you leave with another just like this one.”
“When will we be able to meet Andi’s cousins?” Allie was quite excited. “How old are they? Are they here now?”
Martha laughed. “Yes… They are at day school and normally return around four.”
“They’re five years old and they are absolutely adorable.” Pet blushed russet and smiled with pride.
This was really the first time we heard Pet speak without being prompted by Martha. She was obviously very involved with the care and nurturing of the twins.
“I think I’d like to change my name.”
I couldn’t contain myself. I must have been thinking about doing it subconsciously since lunching at the club. I mean…it did make sense; to take my father’s name. After all, I was his child in so many different ways. Everyone was silent. It was…deafening.
“I thought you liked ‘Andi’ baby doll.” Allie gripped my hand.
“I do. It’s my family name I’d like to change.” I blushed hot Paris pink and stared at my hand in Allie’s. I looked up at Martha. “Would that be okay?”
“Why sweet heart…” Martha chuckled and gazed at me with wonder. “You certainly don’t need my approval to take your father’s name. I think it would a very meaningful gesture.”
“You don’t think my work would become…lost under his name?”
“Oh dear child…” Martha shook her head and snickered. “I’m sure that walking gossip column who sells your works…Preston is it…? Well… I’m sure the entire country knows that someone bought one of your works for an unimaginable price. Your work…! And not your father’s…! And you do only use ‘Andi’ for your showings.”
“What do you think sweet heart?” I looked at Allie and gently squeezed her hand.
“Well…” Allie chuckled. “I think it would give my mom and dad a coronary. I think you should do it.”
“It’s just that I feel closer to my father even though I never met him.” I was tearing up…as usual. “And I got so very little from my…mother.”
“I understand completely my dear child.” Martha touched my shoulder. “Now you understand why I’ll be so protective of you.” She looked at Allie. “And you as well my dear Allie. The child you are carrying will be what you both pass on and it will be endowed with marvelous gifts.” Martha choked up a bit.
Pet instinctively handed Martha a tissue.
“And you dear Andi…” Martha blotted a tear. “You are the very embodiment of my brother and his legacy to me. You are most precious to me.”
I felt so very humble at that moment when Martha mentioned the legacy her brother left for her. I understood a great many things at that moment. I understood that I now truly had a family and I so wanted Martha, Pet and my yet to be seen cousins to be a regular part of our lives. I now truly had my legacy. I now truly had my roots.
“I also can’t wait to introduce the both of you to the chief executive officer and president of our company; Martina Adams. Marti is married to a very talented woman named Drew.”
“You mean Drew Adams?” Allie suddenly perked up. “The author…?”
“The very same…” Martha chuckled.
“Oh my God…! She’s amazing. Even I’ve read her children’s books.” Allie positively sparkled as she smiled.
“Yes…” Martha smiled wryly. “So have a good deal of other people. She’s quite well off on her own right. In fact she’s one of the women that we should have as a sister.”
“Why doesn’t someone speak for her?” Allie scowled.
“Because my dear… She is quite like Pet and our Andi; not genetically female.” Martha’s smile faded. “We are but two votes short of a tie in which case my vote would swing the rule change.”
“Well anything I can do to help… You can certainly count on me if I become a sister.”
“I know we can.” Martha chuckled. “Then we can make Andi and Drew full members.”
“Well…? What about Pet…?” Allie cast her gaze at Pet. “Shouldn’t she become a member as well?”
Martha smiled sadly and looked at Pet.
“I have no money of my own to speak of.” Pet smiled sadly. “And having a certain minimum of means is one of the criteria for membership.”
“Oh…” Allie looked apologetic. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh don’t be.” Pet grinned. “I use the club as a spouse.” She smiled lovingly at Martha. “I’m at the spa several times a week. And when Drew is in town we have lunch there quite often.”
“Pet’s true talent…” Martha spoke seriously. “…is seeing to my needs, the children’s needs and the workings of this household. She is indispensible. I don’t know where I’d be without her in my life.”
“How long have you been together?” Allie suddenly leaned forward.
Martha and Pet gazed at one another before she spoke.
“Six glorious years…” Pet giggled. “I must admit the first year was…trying? But once I accepted my place…? I found my life to be full and complete.”
Allie squeezed my hand gently and grinned at Pet as she continued.
“There are so many people out there that have things and positions; professions. And yet they’re unhappy. They haven’t truly found a place for themselves. I am so lucky Martha found me. She gave me a place where I belong doing what I was meant to do. I really couldn’t be happier.”
Pet got up and walked the few feet to where Martha sat. She bent over and kissed Martha’s upturned face.
“Perhaps I could show Andi our garden?” Pet asked Martha.
“By all means sweet heart. I have a few more things to discuss with Allie that would only bore the two of you anyway.” Martha smiled…actually glowed…at Pet.
Pet came to me and offered her hand. I grasped it and stood up. I glanced down at Allie. She smiled and nodded her head. I felt kind of odd being left out of whatever Martha and Allie were going to discuss. Pet hooked my arm with hers and led my out of the room.
“I love your hair by the way.” She said as we walked toward the back of the house.
“Thanks…” I touched the back of my pinned up hair and giggled.
“I’ve been letting it grow out.
I wanted to try different looks. You know…?”
“Yes…” We walked through an ultra modern equipped kitchen with a dining alcove off to the right. “So… How are you doing?”
“Huh…?”
“With your transition…?”
Pet opened the gated back door of the house and we walked down several small steps into an amazing garden.
“Ummm… I guess I’m coming to terms with it?”
“It’s difficult to realize sometimes.” Pet smiled.
“The roses will be lovely this year.”
She motioned toward the budding flowers. “I had a difficult time at first. Martha is very strong willed and I felt…”
“Lost…?” I offered.
“Yes… And quite frightened as well. I mean it all began as simply dressing? But Martha took it all the way with me. She seemed to know and recognize what I didn’t.”
I trembled at how similar our stories were. The only difference was that Pet admitted it was dressing and not some form of performance art.
“Well… How did you deal with it? How did you come to terms with it?” I asked.
Pet led me to a gazebo and we sat down, our arms still linked.
“You must understand that I was completely captivated in Martha’s presence. I was enchanted and bewitched by her. So before I knew it I was…well…changed; permanently. That feeling of enchantment truly hasn’t worn off yet.” Pet giggled.
“But you said the first year was…”
“I ran away…sort of. I thought she had misused me to her own ends and I left.”
“Oh my God…! Really…?”
“I had a little money and the credit cards of course. Martha didn’t try to stop me. At first I thought it was because she didn’t really care. I was so very angry. I felt betrayed.”
I was enthralled by what I was hearing. Pet seemed so calm and controlled as she related what must have been a harrowing nightmare of an experience.
“But I had a few days to think things over. It wasn’t until I realized she had actually sent two people to make certain no harm came to me that I knew she did indeed care. I was staying at one of those cheap hotels.” Pet turned to smile at me. “It was kind of a dive? There were prostitutes and druggies living there. I was too naïve at the time to realize it. So she sent two people.”
“That’s when you knew…” I never got to finish the sentence.
Pet sighed.
“She was willing to let me go because she would only accept me if I could totally accept her. And so I did. I went back to her. Martha never said a bad or recriminating word about my leaving. She was so grateful I returned. That’s when it finally happened.”
“What happened?” I was enthralled by this tale.
“I finally gave into her completely.” Pet gazed at me. There were tears welling up in her eyes in spite of her wide smile. “That’s when I finally let go of my old self completely and accepted what she had made me into.”
“But what she made you into… Was that your choice?” I was confused.
“Someone once said of a sculpture… It was already within the granite. All I did was remove the extra pieces?”
“Michelangelo…”
I suddenly understood. Martha had recognized truly what was within Pet just as my Allie has seen the true me. Was it really that simple? It was always there? Was I really always ‘Andi’? Was my father always ‘Andi’ as well? Martha must have recognized something within him for her to facilitate his dressing.
“There would be no Martha Gray as you know her now without me. But there would also be no Petra without Martha Gray. We are forever tied to one another.” Pet smiled.
I sat and stared at Pet. My mouth hung open and my eyes were wide as a tear fell. I suddenly had to hug her and kiss her cheek. She hugged me as well.
“Thank you so very much…”
I whispered into her ear as tears began to flow down my cheeks.
“The children are home!” Sofia smiled as she shouted from the kitchen door.
Pet handed me a tissue from the pocket of her skirt. I quickly blotted my tears and blew my nose. Pet got up and offered her hand. She smiled down at me. I got up and once again she hooked my arm with her own.
“It’s the giving in that’s the hardest part; accepting who you really are and finding your place as a result.”
I instinctively knew she was right. Martha loved Pet so much that she couldn’t bear to see her come to any harm. That was Pet’s turning point. How many turning points had I passed by? Allie’s entire being revolved around me as mine did around her.
As Pet and I walked back toward the house, our arms around one another’s waists, I felt the pleasant silence that often does more to connect than separate. I think we both had a quite demure smile on our faces. What Pet and I exchanged gave me…comfort? I wasn’t crazy or alone in what I felt.
Once inside the house Pet hooked my arm with hers again and she led me back to the parlor. There stood the two most beautiful children I’d ever seen. Allie had an arm around each one of them as she sat. They were giggling away and the sound was so…amazing. They sounded so happy.
“Oh look…” Martha sounded so…elated. “This is your first cousin Andi.”
The gaze they had was instantly captured in my mind forever. Jane’s face framed by her strawberry blonde hair was perfect. Her porcelain complexion was so perfectly offset by her sparkling blue eyes. She so reminded me of a porcelain faced, hand painted doll one sees in a specialized catalogue or an upscale specialty shop.
And Oliver was just as striking. He had Martha’s chestnut colored hair, the reddish highlights flashing in the sun’s light as it streaked through the bay windows. He and his sister were dressed in what appeared to be some form of school uniform? Grey trousers and a skirt for Jane coupled with white blouse for her and a stylish white shirt for him. They both had blue sweaters with some sort of coat of arms on the breast.
Both of them had a band of faint freckles running across the bridge of their noses. With their wide opened eyes, their demure smiles, and their rust rage cheeks, they resembled Sitzendorf figurines. My heart just opened up completely. They looked like the perfect melding of their mom and…mom?
“Normally, Pet loves to bring the children home. But I thought I’d have Mister Stone fetch them a bit earlier today.” Martha grinned. “I know you’re as anxious to meet them as we are to have you do so.”
“They are glorious.” I began to choke up.
I walked up to them and knelt down until I was nearly at their eye level. Oliver was slightly taller than Jane but the difference was negligible. I smiled at them one; one at a time.
“I am so very happy to meet you both. My name is Andi.”
Jane blushed dare devil red and giggled. Oliver turned blind date pink and stared suspiciously at me. I reached out slowly to touch Jane’s cheek. She flinched and gazed quickly toward Pet. I followed her eyes to see Pet smile and nod her head. I reached out again to stroke the most amazing skin ever. It was so soft and smooth to my touch.
“We have them well trained.” Pet smiled. “They were taught to be wary of new faces even when in our company. Jane loves to draw by the way.”
“And so does Oliver.” Martha added.
“Oliver is named after…?” I gazed toward Martha.
“Your grandfather actually…” Martha smiled serenely. “I know it’s an old fashion name but it was one of the very few times I acted on a compulsion.”
“Please don’t call me Ollie.”
“I hate that name.” The child pouted.
“Well then… I will not use it.” I smiled at him. “Would both of you like to show me your drawings?”
They almost answered simultaneously. They became quite excited and went for their respective little back packs. They were so adorable I simply sat down upon the floor and watched their every move.
“We believe they might have some talent.” Pet beamed. “Allie told us that you’re working with some children on Saturdays.”
“Yes… They are an absolute joy and delight.” I grinned. “I adore seeing their imaginations run wild on paper.”
They both retrieved their note books and quickly opened them. Nestled amongst the various exercises were drawings. Most were simple doodles. But every so often there would be an actual drawing of a person. But unlike most children their age, the figure would have an actual face complete with eyes, nose and mouth.
The bodies were somewhat accurate in that there was more substance than merely stick lines or random squiggles. But more importantly there was some recognition of proportion between the limbs and torso. And the heads were relatively correct in size and shape.
“Do you like them?”
Jane asked, her eyes wide and her nose crinkled in the most amazing impish expression, as she searched mine.
“Yes…” I chuckled. “Both of your notebooks are…interesting.”
“So what do you think baby doll? Do we have room for two more in our little class?”
Allie giggled knowing my answer before I could even glance up at her. I smiled and continued looking through their books, totally oblivious to the conversation going on around me. I marveled at what miracles…what blessings they were. I knew instantly that this is what I wanted; children to fill the air with their noise and their innocence and their unique ability to break the world down into a size they could comprehend.
We stayed for dinner in the cozy kitchen alcove. The conversation was filled with plans for the future; all our futures as a family. There were several times during our dining that I became overwhelmed with emotion. I was being bathed in the sacred pool of family life and I simply let its waters flow over me.
Mr. Stone drove us home. We both had a hard time leaving but Martha and Pet had just as hard a time letting us go. But my Allie was very tired and, truth to tell, so was I. The day had been long and emotionally wearing although I’d take one like this day rather than a thousand more wondering about my roots. Allie sank back into the seat and I settled in next to her. At our feet was a bag containing the unfinished bottle of port with a second one unopened. Alongside that bag were our meals Martha was kind enough to order for us.
However, the biggest surprise came when Martha made a point of asking me to do some work for her company. They were looking for a company to handle their marketing and advertising and Susan had recommended me before any of this had happened. Though not as big or diverse as Scoville Industries, Grey Adams would prove more than large, and prestigious enough to attract the attention of the powers in the ‘tower’.
I also remembered that I had a grandmother. Martha glossed over that fact but even the fleeting mention didn’t get past me. Obviously there was a degree of tension between the two but I felt that we would meet in good time. Then my thoughts fell upon myself.
Performance art is never truly performance art unless you have the audience. A street musician is not playing to those who simply pass by too quickly other than to catch a note or two. A mime isn’t performing to those who pass by and only notice the ‘white face’ makeup. He performs for those who stand and watch.
Perhaps such is the case with me? Perhaps my ‘performance’ wasn’t really anything of the kind? Perhaps my attempt to match the image in the mirror with the one in my mind was an end all unto itself. I’d thought about it before and people have mentioned it…the big IT. Was I transitioning? Maybe I was. After seeing what I only just witnessed, that thought was looming larger and larger.
“I am going to need access to McCann’s file on your case.” Mister Stone’s voice was very deep and gruff.
“It would make things easier.”
“Uhhh… Sure…”
I couldn’t imagine what would be easier and I didn’t question his request. Martha trusted him and that was good enough for me. Allie gave me the file. I reached forward and carefully placed it next to Mister Stone when we stopped for a red light.
“We’ll need to speak with Joan again.” Allie clutched my hand. “The name change…?”
“Ohhh… Yeah…” I’d forgotten what was involved when I had my name changed the first time.
“What’s the matter baby doll? You seem…out there.”
“I’m still absorbing.” I giggled.
We sat in comfortable silence the rest of the way home. When the huge car pulled up in front of our building, Mister Stone got out and assisted Allie, and then me, out of the back. I was really beginning to like that car. No… I was beginning to like that life style. It was ordered and… dare I say it…civilized?
The moment we came through the doorway we kicked off our shoes and, after slipping off my blazer, immediately removed my bra and rubbed myself just where the band fell beneath my boobs. I was beginning to understand why that was the first thing Allie did with her huge underwired bra and how terribly comforting it must be to rub her skin where the bra made a deep impression upon her skin.
I really felt badly for her. Poor Allie needed to acquire new bras on a regular monthly basis. Her nipples were changing as well. The nubbins were darkening from their usual candy pink to almost mocha-luscious brown. And, much to her dismay, she was acquiring hair in new and interesting places.
I came up behind Allie as she was removing her bra from beneath her blouse. I slipped my hands in under the drop of her boobs and gently rubbed the impressions in her skin. She leaned back against me and softly moaned in pleasure.
“Why does that feel so much better when you do it?” Allie placed her hands atop mine as I massaged her. “You seem to have just the right touch.”
We made it to our bedroom where we almost instantly shed our cloths and donned our usual lounging outfits. I was beginning to need to help Allie undress. Her stockings or socks were becoming a bit of a chore as her tummy grew outward. And though her pumps presented a minor challenge, Allie’s sneakers were nearly impossible for her to lace and tie.
We settled in bed after placing the food in the fridge and the port bottles on the island. Allie was sitting up against the headboard and I rested my head in her lap as I stretched out between her legs. I was still absorbing all that had happened during the day and it was a substantial amount to digest.
“The twins are so adorable.” Allie smiled down at me as she ran her fingers through my hair.
“Yeah…”
I was thinking of everything other than the twins. My mind was churning and ruminating over the idea that perhaps I truly had a female soul. Everybody else seemed convinced. I was the only one hesitating in coming to grips with that distinct possibility. I suddenly felt Allie shift.
“I have to go.”
And she hopped off the bed as quickly as she could and went as quickly as her body would permit to the bathroom. She closed the door behind her which was a bit unusual. But then again, these were unusual times? I waited for what seemed quite a while before I got up and went to the door. I knocked gently.
“Go away!” She sounded more than a bit adamant.
“Are you alright?” Why shouldn’t I be concerned?
“Go away!”
I went back to the bed and sat down. She’d never acted like this before. Well… There was this one time but she ate something a bit rum and suffered the usual result. Allie finally exited the bathroom and tears were flowing rather freely down her face.
“What’s wrong sweet heart?” I got up and took her free hand, the other busily wiping tears.
“Well...” She sniffled. “At first I though I had to go but it was only gas. Then…” The most distressed looked appeared upon her face. “…the weirdest stuff came out of me.”
“You barfed?”
“Oh baby doll… It was a…discharge?”
A what…??? I was so very clueless. I really had to start reading some of the stuff Allie procured about this entire baby thingy. She saw the perplexed expression on my face.
“You know… Out of my coochie…?”
Sometimes it’s better not to know?
“I mean it’s normal but…really?”
Allie’s distressed look said it all. I hugged her and tried not to image whatever it was she had to see and contend with. I know she was already a bit upset about not being able to deal with her usual ‘grooming’ regimen. But now with these added little niceties, poor Allie was beside herself.
“I think I’m hungry. Can we get something to eat?”
Allie’s eating habits were weird to say the least. But I was more than accommodating. I mean we had been so very attentive to one another’s needs that this seemed quite normal; even if it wasn’t.
I assisted Allie up and we headed toward the kitchen. My arm was around her the entire time. I felt she needed that little extra physical connection. I knew I certainly needed it. We got into the kitchen and she sat on a stool at the island. I immediately went and brought out the meals Martha was kind enough to order.
“Oh God no…! I can’t stand the smell.”
I was clueless.
“But it’s what we had for lunch.”
“I know but it smells horrid.” Again the distressed look said it all. “Get in away from me!”
I didn’t know how on earth she could smell the food. Everything was not only still sealed in the containers, but it was also chilled from the fridge. Without even bothering to argue, I simply put the food away.
“What can I get you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe some fruit…? I would really love an apple.”
Allie really didn’t care for apples at all…except in pies? But who was I to argue. We always had some in the event Allie felt like baking. She makes a killer apple cobbler.
“And some cheese and crackers…?”
Well that was always in stock. We often lived on little else.
“Oh… And maybe a little ice cream…?”
Well… So it was a bit of a strangely developing meal.
“Do we have any kippers?”
“Kippers…?” WTF?
“Yeah… It’s a herring thing.”
I just stared at her. We never ate kippered herring; or anything else kippered for that matter.
“That would be killer with some eggs.” Allie giggled.
I sat down opposite her and waited. This was really verging on the bizarre. I thought about even getting a sketchpad to draw upon whilst she decided what else she wanted to see set before her. I mean I was becoming accustomed to odd combinations of foods but this…this was something epic by comparison.
“Kippered herring sweet heart…? We don’t have any. I don’t even know where to begin to look for that.” I said somewhat exasperated.
“Oh God baby doll… I have to have some. Please…? Go out to the market and see if they have a package or two.” Allie rolled her eyes upward. “Maybe we should get a few packages?”
“But it’s nearly nine.” I whined.
Allie’s stern expression was all it took. And so I left the comfort of my sleeping tee and got dressed. But before I left I set out two cored and cut apples and a few wedges of cheese. It was getting toward our usual witching hour by the time I was down on the street and heading for the local market. The weather was quite fair and a slight breeze blew down the avenue. I could at least take some delight in observing the people as I walked.
Fortunately for me, our market, aside from stocking the usual, also stocked a fair array of the unusual. I grabbed three packages of the most foul looking vacuum-packed herring. I don’t know why everything vacuum packed appeared to look so very foul. I also picked a dozen eggs in the event Allie decided to feast upon all three packs; an unlikely scenario but…
Allie guided me through the preparations beginning with the caramelized onions and garlic. I must admit was it not for the fact that Allie was in her present condition, I would have had a problem after opening the package of herring. As I pan cooked the lot amongst the onions and garlic I quickly poached two eggs.
With a slice of lemon I prepared as best I could a presentation of the most ungodly foodstuff ever. I couldn’t believe the speed and ferocity exhibited by my fair and delicate Allie. She barely let the plate settle long enough to cool before covering the eggs in ketchup and beginning to devour the fish.
“You really have to try this.” Allie giggled between gulps of eggs and fish.
“Uhhh… No thanks… But thanks for asking.” I giggled in return.
“Ohhh please…? Do it for me?”
Allie whined. How could I refuse? And so I held my breath and closed my eyes as she brought a piece of the foul looking fish to my mouth. I must admit that upon closing my mouth and finally taking a breath, the onions and garlic actually made the fish more than merely palatable. Though a wee bit too salty for my taste, I could see the combination with the eggs.
I was happy that Allie at least had a reasonably full meal. After cleaning up, Allie had already gone back to our bedroom, I joined her to resume my position between her legs, my head upon her lap. I was intrigued by the sounds emanating from her tummy. I only hoped that the meal would not cause her indigestion, a recent semi chronic development.
“So baby doll… Your thoughts on the day…?”
Where to begin…? I turned my head toward her tummy to gaze up into my Allie’s eyes.
“You really seem so very comfortable with me…my…” I had so much trouble saying the damned word. “…transitioning?”
“Ah ha…! So you finally admit it!” Allie giggled.
“It’s not funny.” I pouted.
It was hard enough to even think about it.
“I’m sorry baby doll…” Allie stroked my cheek. “It’s just that I was waiting for you to come to your senses and, to be quite honest, it was driving me bonkers.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well… Didn’t you notice how far you’ve come since we first met? I mean you were trying so hard to be androgynous and you were failing so miserably. Don’t you feel happier now than back then? I mean you barely seem to notice or care about how femme you appear. Your only issue is looking perfect.”
There was no denying my biggest fear was not being adequately put together before leaving the apartment. There was no denying I had the biggest collection of kitten-heeled pumps going. There was no denying that wearing a skirt or dress on occasion felt quite natural. And there was no denying that I enjoyed, and even felt excitement, when men, and women, stared at me; their attentions appearing either envious or lewd.
“Yeah… I guess…”
“And you can’t pass a mirror without taking a quick look.”
“Yeah… That’s true.”
“And you can’t pass a clothing store display without at least glancing at the clothing.”
“I suppose…”
“And if you dumped your bag, I bet you’d have a goo collection to rival my own.”
‘Goo collection’…?
“I mean there is nothing that says to me…well…almost nothing…” Allie snickered. “…that says; ‘I’m a guy’.”
“I’m just so frightened that…” I had to stop for a moment and take a deep breath. “I’m scared that one day you’ll wake up and realize that there are certain things I can’t do for you. You know…?”
“And that can’t happen if you were six feet four and a solid two twenty…with a ten inch dick?” Now Allie laughed. “It’s not what you are that I find so…so exciting. It’s who you are that gets me so fucking swampy baby doll. The fact that we can go shopping and do other really fun things is simply an added benefit.”
I had to admit that was true. We did do a lot of things that most couples, guys going with girls, didn’t. And I enjoyed these things. The shopping, the primping at the stylist’s, all the stuff guys would call ‘chick shit’ that I now considered essentials. And I had Allie to thank for all of that. Maybe Allie is the mother that I never had. Was that so wrong?
If all of those benefits actually helped me find that magical and elusive image I’d been searching for…was that so bad? The further I got into who I really was, the better my art, and my craft became. Certainly the last show was indicative of just that fact. I felt good about what I was presenting. And nobody even bothered to question my gender; least of all me. I no longer thought of my ‘performance art’. I only needed to admit it.
I gazed up at Allie as my eyes filled with tears. I felt so lucky…so blessed. Maybe this truly was payback for all the shit I had to wade through growing up. Maybe all the foul names and shoves and sneers I received were being repaid three fold. I reached up with my hand and gently stroked her cheek…so very soft and smooth.
“I love you so much.”
I managed to utter between sniffles.
Allie giggled. “I know baby doll. I know.”
Allie cradled my head as I turned my face in toward her tummy…our child. I inhaled her aroma and I placed my hand upon her baby bump. I closed my eyes and let my mind drift. As I turned my head even further, I could smell Allie’s arousal. It was at that very moment of contentment beyond description that the first phone call came. It was Susan and thankfully she called Allie’s number. Allie put her on speaker.
“So darling children… Was Martha everything you expected?” Susan chuckled.
“Oh… My god…!” Allie squealed. “She was amazing. And Petra was a dream. I couldn’t believe how…how gracious they were. And they virtually fawned over both of us.”
“Yes… Well… Martha doesn’t let too many people in but the ones that she does she truly cherishes. I imagine she doted over Andi like a mother hen over her roost.”
“Oh my God…! Did she ever. And we were both so surprised that she was the one who bought the portrait.”
“And she had no idea who the artist was. Martha was more than taken by that piece. You should have seen the expression on her face when she saw the family portrait Andi did for us. I’d never seen Martha shocked…not ever…until that moment.”
“She spoke about that.”
“By the way…” I could almost hear that sly smile of Susan’s over the phone. “Where is our young genius?”
“”I’m here.” I was actually speaking into Allie’s groin and my voice was quite muffled.
“Well lover…?” Susan snickered. “What was your impression?”
“It felt like…like family.”
Just at that moment my phone began to sound. It was Peter. Thankfully Allie answered that one as well and now Peter was also on speaker.
“So you both survived.” Peter laughed.
“They seemed to have past muster with colors flying high.”
“Is that you Susan?”
“I certainly hope so. I’m in her panty.” Susan chuckled wickedly.
“She’s on Allie’s phone.” I giggled.
Peter also wanted to know that all went well. The three and one half of us (I was only partially into conversing) spoke for a number of minutes longer. It was quite gratifying to know that everyone I knew was so concerned about how things went.
Then Jill called and we spoke with her for some time. She was happy to hear that Allie was so taken with Martha and Martha with Allie. I felt that Martha was more pleased with the fact that Allie was caring for me in such a focused manner than with Susan’s very insistent request for Allie’s…sisterhood? Peter, of course, was thrilled that I had found my ‘family’ and they were so accepting…of everything.
Even Rhona called to inquire about my experience. We spoke for some time although I felt quite naked without a cup of coffee and my nail file. It was a sweet conversation with Rhona wanting to know all the details; as usual. And I complied; as usual.
And Bob was thoughtful enough to call. I had no idea how he discovered what was occurring but I assumed Jill must have informed him. He was most curious about the entire event and wanted to know the where and why that caused such a climactic meeting.
Finally we were left to our own devices. Allie had been snacking the entire time and now felt quite nauseous. I assisted her to the porcelain throne where she promptly gave back much of what she borrowed. I felt for her. Allie was always so hungry but our child was jealously taking up all the available room. If it wasn’t for chocolate Allie would have gotten little nourishment. I held her forehead and fetched her water when she had finally finished.
Once back in our bed, Allie broached a subject that Martha had brought up I evidently wasn’t privy to. Martha had questioned Allie’s desire to continue working at her current job. Now Martha realized that Allie wasn’t exactly the housewife kind of person. And, in fact, I tended to most of those duties especially with Allie in her present condition.
What Martha did suggest was that Allie open up a gallery where she could sell not only my work, but also her own and the things we did together. She hadn’t mentioned the idea of me quitting at all. I guess Martha felt that I was getting everything done that needed doing and that Allie seemed to have enough of the entrepreneurial spirit to build a business of her own.
“I really don’t know.” Allie said as she held me in her arms. “In a way I am in a dead end job unless maybe Jill decides to quit or retire. But starting a gallery is a big undertaking.”
“Yeah it is. But you do have the building and the store downstairs certainly won’t be there forever.” My mind began to work. “We could even have displays of student works. The exposure and the whole getting the show together would be invaluable.”
“And we could have a school on the second floor for children who are gifted. You seem to love working with Lilly and her friends so very much.” Allie added. Her mind was now working in synch with mine. “I could even teach pottery. I think I might enjoy that.”
“And I could still do my graphic art thingy. I mean I don’t really need to be in to office all the time although Peter likes me to look at what the others are working on”
“Well… They’re working mostly on your clients anyway.” Allie giggled.
“Oh poopie shit…! I forgot to tell Peter about getting Martha’s account.”
“It was nice to hear she was going to give the work to you anyway.”
I had to agree that earning the work because of my skills was most reassuring and…edifying? But then again, Martha didn’t seem like the type who gave out charity work even to a relative. Of course the suits uptown would have yet another boogie-woogie but whose fault would that be?
Allie and I spent the remainder of the evening simply laying in bed and dreaming about our possibilities for the future. Allie even felt excited enough for us to engage in a wee bit of monkey love. Allie’s sexual drive had diminished somewhat as her pregnancy advanced. This was a marked difference and I sorely missed that part of our intimacy more because of the spiritual closeness it brought than the physical release.
As Allie’s tummy continued to distend, our practice of orally pleasing one another became far more challenging. And since this was becoming more and more of the only method we could enjoy, my boy bits were becoming bittier and bittier, and the silicon toys were more difficult for poor Allie to enjoy properly, we honed our skills in new and interesting positions.
I began to feel almost as if I was attending a yoga class. I needed to stretch my body across the expanse of Allie’s to enjoy the taste and aroma of her ‘coochie’. And, as things did progress, I did begin a program of yoga more for the purpose of simply stretching and exercising my newly forming body than anything else as a compelling reason.
I never stopped once to consider my…position? I was not only accepting that I was in fact a woman, I was a lesbian as well?
That was the last thought I remembered.
What is ahead for our two love birds? Will Allie totally encompass Andi? Wiil Martha totally encompass Allie and Andi? Will I continue to supply tissues at strategic locations? No way...! I ran out during the editing and was forced to use... Never mind...! Will Captain Gallant continue to bust Private Fuzzy Knight? What kind of name is that anyway? For the amazingly surreal answers to these probing questions...be sure to read the next Ministère des Armées approved chapter of 'Andi and Allie'!!!big>
Andi and Allie – Chapter 31
‘Fair Winds And Following Seas’
The following morning I arrived at the office a little earlier than is usual. I knew Rhona would want to cross-examine me yet again and I wanted to accommodate her. The more I rehashed the day, the closer to being real it became. And sure enough she was there waiting for me, cup in hand and nail file on her desktop.
We sat and chattered away and I found that we were both speaking at the same time. Our intense excitement propelled us to speak in an even more rapid manner than usual. Neither of us noticed Peter standing virtually atop us with a bemused expression on his face. I blushed primrose and Rhona blushed witchy red when his presence was finally recognized. I had to give him the big news.
“Oh my God Peter…! I really need to speak with you.”
“Okay Andi… Grab my coffee and come on in.”
Peter walked down toward his office and after fixing his coffee I followed. I walked in and shut his door behind me. Peter laughed.
“You’re not quitting are you?”
“Oh no…” I had the most serious expression on my face I could muster.
“Well… Then I hope you’re not pregnant.” Peter chuckled. “I expect the miraculous every time you come to speak with me.”
“Oh no…! At least I’m not pregnant.” I giggled wishing as if…
“So… What’s up sweet heart?”
I still trembled every time Peter spoke and used that term of endearment.
“Martha is giving us a shot at her account.”
Peter sat up in his chair with a most serious look upon his face.
“You’ve got to be kidding!”
No smile…
“No… Like… For real… Susan had talked about our work for her company and Martha just happened to want to switch firms. She was going to call us anyway.”
“Now you do mean Gray Adams…right?” Peter finally grinned.
“Yeah… And I pretty sure she was speaking about the entire Mickey Mouse…ears and all.” I had to giggle.
“If we can get it that’ll make the third monster you’ve bagged…in less than a year?” Peter laughed. I grinned. “The boys uptown are really going to hate you now. They’re lucky to bag one of those in a lifetime.”
“I have a feeling that this might only be a beginning.” I snickered. “If Martha likes what we can do, she’s certainly going to spread the word about us. I mean we could wind up with another three or more.”
Peter’s grin suddenly turned sly. And just as quickly I knew what he was thinking.
“Do you think we could do that?” I asked with my usual clueless wide-eyed stare of wonder.
“If nothing else we could use it as leverage. But yes…we certainly could do that and there’s nothing the uptown boys can do to stop us. At the very least we should rate corner offices up on West Fifty Seventh.”
I was excited…to say the least. I actually wet myself a wee bit at the thought. I had to excuse myself and go to the lady’s and change my liner after washing a bit.
As I sat and completed my function, I thought of how totally cool it would be to have our very own company. Peter would certainly know how and I could certainly run the art department. And I’m sure Peter also knew other very talented people who could handle whatever else we would need.
I was walking on air the rest of the day. I couldn’t wait to inform Allie of the idea and get her input. I wouldn’t…no…I couldn’t do anything as drastic as forming my own business with Peter without her okay. After all, she told me about the gallery after her very brief exchange with Martha. She wouldn’t do that without me being okay with it.
In truth we could both could have taken a pass with all that money we now had. But somehow that didn’t seem right. We’d both worked very hard to be where we are, Allie much longer than me. It would feel weird not to be working. And what would our child…OUR children think seeing neither parent working?
I never expected to have the great fortune I inherited simply by chance of birth. And Allie was born fortunate as well. For sure our lives will change. But just as for sure we will still be quite recognizable. We certainly will continue to live where we live and there would be no major additions other than the baby stuff…and more baby stuff. And maybe… Just maybe… We would buy a car. And maybe… Just maybe… We would buy a small cottage in the country or by the sea to escape the mania of city life?
But that would be it. We had one another and we had great friends and now great family. Our friends and our new family were more than accepting; they were encouraging. Just how lucky is that?
I got home to find Allie asleep in the cave. And I don’t mean stretched out in her robe covered with a comforter. She was fully dressed with one shoe kicked off sitting upright with her head bent back upon the top of the loveseat’s backrest.
Her mouth was opened and she was softly snoring. My heart simply opened up and my tears began to flow just imagining how totally wiped out she must have felt.
I sat down beside her and grasped her hand gently. Her head suddenly shot up and her eyes opened and closed several times. When she was awake enough to notice me next to her, Allie’s arm drew me close enough to kiss my cheek and hug me almost a little too tightly.
“Baby doll…” Allie spoke between kisses. “I love you so much.” She giggled. “God…! I am so fucking hungry!”
Allie’s eyes became wild. She actually salivated. I knew what to do. I had to feed my deliciously big, soft, and fluffy kitten.
“What would you like?” I got up with a grin.
“Everything…” She laughed.
I went into the kitchen and began to put together yet another movable feast. I seemed to work in an automatic mode. My mind was definitely everywhere else. If nothing else, my heart, my soul, and my mind were definitely undergoing great changes. How could this not happen.
I set several different things upon the teacart not knowing what my Allie might accept. She was becoming more unpredictable by the day. And I understood. With all of those mommy ‘mones racing through her body, anything was possible. I mean I was crying at the drop of a hat and I was only taking two ‘mones. So her crying because her sneaker lace wasn’t tied properly wasn’t out of place at all.
The next morning I saw a different person in the mirror. This person, a young woman, was smiling with confidence and contentment. Though I was still coming to grips with my new station…our new station…in life…I felt good about facing the day. I spent a little more time and care grooming myself.
A lovely New York City spring day glowed through the window and I decided to walk to work. I donned a pair of very low kitten heeled pumps. Though only a wee bit more than the heels on my flats, I could wear these nearly all day long without having to kick them off…too often.
I wore this lovely lightweight lime green silk blazer with beige trousers. I felt this to be my contribution of color to the revitalization of my life in the city. I chose the lime green leather pumps I bought to match my jacket and a black knit top to complete my OOTD. I felt my lucky ‘Martha’ medallion was in order considering the events of the past days.
There was a new spring in my stride and a wide smile on my face as I met the day on the street. I missed the walking during the winter and was glad to be able to really feel the day. I wore a pair of sunglasses Allie insisted I get. They had these number three neutral Gray lenses that was so dark they allowed me to gaze at people without seeming…weird?
I had a chance to shed all of my ‘adult’ thoughts and focus on my art. I watched the many different expressions on people’s faces. I watched their body language as they spoke to one another…or not. I gazed at the buildings I passed and, once on West Broadway, at the store windows of the various shops.
I stopped in front of one window that displayed a wide variety of colorful spring and summer fashions. I couldn’t help but gaze at my own reflection checking to see how I looked. At that moment I remembered Allie’s words about not being able to pass a mirror without gazing at my reflection.
Well...I should have looked good.
I took ten minutes simply to apply some mascara and do my lips. Okay…so I used a touch of blush as well! So go ahead… Kill me… I felt the need to look good.
Upon arriving to the office, Rhona simply couldn’t wait to get her hands on me again. Well…to be more precise, I never thought she would stop hugging and kissing my cheeks. One would have thought I was her lost child. My ‘Cinderella’ tale was obviously her event of the year…perhaps the decade.
And, of course, I simply had to reiterate every last detail of that all-important day once again. And, of course, we both were blotting our tears when Peter walked in. He just smiled, shook his head, and with a motion of his arm signaling me to follow, he went back to his office.
After fixing his coffee, as usual, I grabbed my attaché and cup and walked down the hall. The aroma of his rather citrusy, yet floral, cologne faintly left a trail. I walked into his office grinning.
“Well… Someone had an incredible day.” Peter laughed as he motioned toward one of the armchairs in front of his desk.
“Oh my God Peter…” I could barely contain my excitement. “It is just so unbelievable. I just can’t stop thinking about…about everything.”
Peter sat back and interlaced his fingers behind his head. He grinned and let me go on and on and on. Finally he sat forward in his chair and placed his hands on his desktop. I knew that to be a signal…however subtle…for me to shut up.
“Do you realize that you’re royalty now?” He chuckled. “I haven’t mentioned any of our conversation to the boys uptown but…” He sat back again. “But you can imagine what’s going to happen.”
I gave Peter me best and only blank stare clueless look as I shook my head slowly.
“Heads will definitely roll with this one. They should have known Martha was not happy with her present agency.” Peter smiled. “It’s a small world and news like that usually gets around quickly.”
“Peter…?” I folded my hands on my lap and gave him my most innocent look. That wasn’t very hard for me. “Were you really serious about…” I leaned in toward him. “…opening up our own thingy?”
“We can speak about that at another time?” Peter arched his brows and I understood. “Our main concern is to see what her old agency was doing and how we can improve upon it.”
“Ohhh… Yeah…” Derp… I was fourteen steps ahead of the first step.
“I hate to sound so…mercenary. But the truth is that although the Gray Adams work may not be the largest you’ve gotten us a shot at, it’s by far the most important.” Peter gave me his best paternal smile. “That club of theirs has over two hundred members worldwide and more than a few of those members have sizable businesses. You’ve done amazing work for the Scoville’s and that’s really what brought you to Martha Gray’s attention. If we don’t perform she’ll remain your aunt but she won’t hesitate dropping our firm.”
Peter certainly knew how to put things into perspective for me. I can’t say that it was always pleasant though. I sat and wondered just how I could find out what she might desire. Of course the ancient history of on line logo photos would be the place to begin.
“But the other side of the coin is that if she does like our work… There are heaven only knows how many other giant accounts to be had. When do you expect to see her again?”
“Well…? I’m not really sure.”
I should have invited Martha and Petra to our home…I guess. I wasn’t really accustomed to the formalities of this sort of thing.
“We both really wanted to invite Martha to our home…to see our studios?”
“That’s an excellent idea. And why don’t you have the guys begin researching the net for photos whilst you look at the existing graphic stuff. And…” Peter sat forward in his chair. “You might want to find out a bit about the Adams half of the name. I suspect that Martha would consult her before making any kind of a decision.”
I nodded in agreement. I mean… Why would this be any different than what we did for Susan? We looked at picture after picture and graphic after graphic but nothing really came to me. I thought them all to be quite drab and…industrial?
Peter seemed to have a way of organizing me in a manner that made sense and brought out the best I had to offer. Peter is my work muse the way Allie was my…everything else muse? He mentioned that I might examine aligned interests such as banks and brokerage houses as well.
After spending most of the day gazing at Gray Adams logos, and those of many other investment and banking firms, I managed to do little more than develop a splitting headache. And the various pictures of Martha with and without her partner, proved even less productive. I mean it’s not like they’re selling tools or something.
I left the office feeling more than a bit discouraged. I mean this whole thingy was dumped into my lap and I was clueless. And my being related to Martha wasn’t any help…yet. I even went as far as gazing at each family’s coat of arms. I’d seen that on one company’s logo. But I thought it to be too affected?
What was needed was something fresh; something nobody else has. They really needed something very unique and totally memorable and I had no ideas what so ever. I was so entirely focused upon my new task that I was home before I realized it.
I glanced around the street and also realized that it had been some time since I visited the myriad of galleries within a few blocks of any direction. Indeed I hadn’t been to any museums in some time nor had I leafed through the pages of any art magazines. So much of what I had done was about Allie and I needed some new input, some new vision.
As I rode the elevator up to our apartment, I was hoping that my Allie would feel up to a stroll out for dinner and perhaps a peek into a gallery or two. I opened the door and I went into the kitchen, dropped my bag and proceeded to our bedroom. After shedding and hanging up my things, I collapsed onto the bed to rest and try to ease my mind. I closed my eyes and simply inhaled the mixture of my scent and hers.
I took one of Allie’s pillows, the one she places between her knees, over my face. I could smell she sexuality on it. I felt my entire being tremble. My mind began to dream of being with her; tasting and feeling her heated swampy vagina. I was lost in my waking dreams when she came in.
“I bet you’ve been into my laundry again too.” Allie snickered.
“I didn’t think of it but…now that you mention it…” I giggled.
I felt Allie’s weight as she sat down next to me. She tore the pillow from my face and I opened my eyes to see her blinding smile. Her lipstick was worn from the day and she leaned down and kissed me on my lips. I closed my eyes and felt the fleshiness of her lips upon mine. As our lips parted and my eyes slowly opened, I could see the smile in her eyes.
“How are you feeling today?” That had become my standard question of late.
“I’m good. We’re good.”
Allie patted her bulging belly.
“Feel like going out for dinner? Maybe taking in a gallery or two…?” I arched my eyebrows hoping Allie was up to it.
“Ummm…” She rolled her eyes upward and bit her lip. “Sure… That sounds great.”
It took us no time at all to change. Well… That is if one considers thirty minutes no time. After all, we were going out in public. Whilst ‘street look’ was one thing, how the rest of our exposed selves looked was quite another. I took more time than usual to do my eyes. I still had trouble with the smoky eye thingy. Eventually Allie got tired watching me suffer and she completed the look for me.
“You want to know something?” Allie stared at me with intensity. “I would kill to have eyelashes like yours. And I never really could decide whether your eyes are powder blue or simply an amazing shade of Gray. Will you leave them to me in your will?” Allie giggled.
“Everything I have is yours.” I got emotional. What else is new?
There is a magical mystical pulse to the city’s streets once the day’s work has ended. I always felt the energy but never more than on this night. My senses were heightened for it was the first night we’d been out since the showing. As we walked with our arm around each other’s waist I had a chance to really observe the people.
The shop keepers knew us already and they would wave at us through their windows. And we even knew some of the other residents by sight and even a few by name. But our art usually kept us too busy to have much interaction.
I did notice an occasional soul cast us a glance and it wasn’t because of the appearance of two women walking together so intimately. It wasn’t until after we’d grabbed a bite to eat that we discovered why. We were gazing into one of the name designer’s store fronts when this guy and his…date…walked up to us.
“Excuse me… Aren’t you Andi…the artist?”
I could tell immediately he was some sort of artist. He had that starving artist look down pat including his torn at the knees jeans with color smears on the upper leggings. But he was so nice and humble about asking.
“Yeah…” I giggled.
“We were to your last showing. It was…amazing. Are you going to have another anytime one soon?”
“I hope so.” I chuckled. “The money does go. What do you do?”
“Well… I do water colors and I mess around with film. I think I like film more though. It gives me opportunity to work with creating the lighting I want to see.”
“We really all do this same thing. The only difference is our medium.”
I purposely used the plural to include him. It is so difficult and can be so discouraging to an artist not to, at least on rare occasions, receive even a little bit of affirmation. I could tell by his huge grin that he relished what little I gave him. Then I introduced Allie.
“I remember your work.” His girlfriend chimed in. “The forms were so amazing and they had no weight to them.”
“Are you a ceramic artist?” Allie had picked that one up from me. It sounded so much better than simply a ‘potter’.
“Well…?” She blushed diva red and rolled her eyes upward. “I’m trying.” She giggled.
“Well guess what…” Allie laughed. “This was my second showing with Andi and you want to know something? I’m still trying.”
As it turned out the guy was attending the film program at N.Y.U. His girlfriend was studying with a ceramic artist who worked in the West Village. I hoped the meeting was as gratifying for them as it was for us. Both Allie and I emphasized the importance of always doing their art; always learning from new sources and always seeing new things.
When we entered the first gallery we happened upon, the owner ran right up to us. I…we felt like super stars. He fawned over us and offered us wine and couldn’t say enough about the work we had done.
I felt …important…at least in the moment. It’s one thing to have a boss or a gallery owner who’s making money off your efforts to say that you’re good. It’s quite another for people on the street, or not in a position to make money off of your work, to laud you.
Fortunately that feeling didn’t last very long. Some of the art, particularly the audio visual stuff, was not to my liking. And some of the constructions were…vague and ambiguous? But some of the other pieces were just what I needed to see. They were textural and very organic; full of color and life. Some were quite reminiscent of the way Van Gogh used color and texture but with a more decidedly modern pop electric look.
By the time we hit our third gallery, Allie was becoming tired and I had seen enough to know that I needed to revisit some of the modern masters like Johns and Hockney and Wesselmann. They were all about texture with popping colors. It was at that moment I knew what to do for Martha!
“When can we see Martha? I think I have an idea!”
Allie grinned at me. She’d seen that look on my face before. Allie even said she could feel the energy emanate from me whenever I thought of something…special. Suddenly her expression changed.
“I am so sorry.” Allie took both of my hands in hers. “I forgot to tell you. Martha, Petra and Susan are coming for dinner this Thursday evening.” Poor Allie had become so forgetful lately. “Martha was especially interested in seeing our studio and what we’ve been doing.”
“Oh my God…! I should have something to show her…you know?”
“Oh don’t worry about that. Just let her look and then maybe you could even sketch something out with her. I’m sure she’d love that.”
“Maybe we should invite Peter?” All I could think about was doing something expressly different for Martha.
“Yes… Of course… I think Martha spoke about maybe bringing her partner Marti and her wife?” Allie’s expression became even more stressed appearing.
There it is…again; a woman and her ‘wife’. My expression said all Allie needed to know.
“Well… Doesn’t Martha? I mean is it that unusual?”
I stared at Allie blindly. Okay… It’s not like having a same sex ‘partner’ is such a huge shock. I was becoming so very accustomed to this. But these people were calling their S.O.’s their wives! Were they the husbands?
“I don’t know; ‘I now pronounce you wife and wife’ sounds so…so alien?”
“Get over it baby doll.” Allie laughed. “Unless you’d rather I be the husband.”
Hmmm… Would it come down to something like that? And would it really matter? But other thoughts interjected themselves into my wandering mind.
Suddenly a dinner for our little family was turning into a dinner party and a business event. But Martha had spoken about Marti and thought very highly of her. And of course Peter has been a virtual father to me from the very first time we met. I certainly would want him there if I came up with something to show.
“Oh my God Allie… How are we going to deal with all these people?”
I couldn’t imagine preparing a meal for…for eight people and serving in as well. And in between trying to be the perfect host…ess and trying to maybe come up with an idea to sell, how would I be able to serve our guests. I certainly didn’t expect Allie to do any work at all in her condition. No doubt Allie saw the anxiety etched on my face.
“Oh don’t you worry baby doll. We can have the whole thing catered. We’ll bring in a chef and the only thing we’ll need to worry about is the menu.” Allie giggled. “It’ll be so much fun. And it’ll be kind of like one of Peter’s parties. You’ll see.”
The next day at work was kind of extraordinary. It began with my usual morning ritual of coffee with Rhona. But that all changed when Peter came in. He wasn’t his usual smiley self. After acknowledging us with a nod and smile, he walked directly to his office. Rhona and I gazed at one another in shock.
“I’ve never seen him like this before.” Rhona was obviously distressed.
“I’ll check it out.”
I grabbed Peter’s mug and fixed his coffee. I walked back to his office only to find the door closed; a rather usual event. I rapped softly on the door and edged it open. Peter was on the phone but, upon seeing me with his coffee, motioned me in.
“Well I understand that.” Peter rolled his eyes and smiled at me. “We should have no trouble handling this.” He was silent again as obviously someone was saying something Peter didn’t care to hear. “Listen Jack… You can do what you want with the account. If you’d like I’ll make sure nothing is done on this end without your say so.”
I could tell Peter was having trouble containing his chuckling.
“Quite honestly Jack…? Who cares if they want Andi to run the project as long as the billing gets paid? I simply think that if they think it’s important to have Andi doing the lead work, then who are we to say no? And I’m sure that Andi, being a complete team player, won’t have any problem working with the boys uptown.”
Peter spoke to Jack…whoever that might be…for a few more moments before hanging up the phone. He folded his hands and gazed at me with a bemused expression on his face.
“Evidently one of Martha’s senior vice presidents called late yesterday and wanted to discuss the Gray Adams account.”
“Oh my God… Martha was serious.” I don’t know why that should have surprised me other than maybe the speed at which she acted.
“Well… Evidently whoever called wasn’t interested in speaking with any of the account executives or even the headman himself. However, your name came up. It seems they want to meet with you.” Peter laughed.
“They…?” Clue… Less…
“The suits... They want to find out what is going on.” Peter chuckled. “I must admit I was a bit worried when I received a phone call about all this.”
“Well… Do we have anything to show them yet…Martha that is?”
“Not a single thing or idea…yet. We’re going to have a dinner party…sort of. And you definitely need to come. Martha wants to see our studios and she’s coming with Susan and her partner Marti? I think it would be a great time to see just how her tastes run.”
“I’d love to join you and Allie for dinner under any circumstances.” Peter’s eyes lit up. I’d love to see you studios.” He chuckled. “Well… If you do come up with something, how long would it take to work up a presentation?”
“Oh…” That was a killer question. “I could have something for you to review by…oh say…Monday?”
“Are you sure? I do have to go uptown and speak with the suits and I really need to have something to tell them.”
“I’m sure we could have something for them. Oh… By the way… The invite is plus one if you’d like.” I giggled.
“I think I’ll go stag on this one.” Peter laughed. “They’ll be more than enough chefs in the kitchen.”
I spent the day at my desk simply playing with swatches of color using watercolors, ink, and bushes. I don’t know why I chose to do the exercises I was doing but I felt that the only thing I hadn’t seen was lettering on colorful backgrounds.
I mean the entire concept of having somebody else tend to ones money seemed…stuffy at best? And for sure Martha was anything but stuffy. I actually thought of Allie’s parents as being more the type. And I wanted to represent Martha’s company as the opposite.
Of course by the time that Thursday came I was a nervous wreck. Just the thought of having the evening go past and nothing coming to mind was more than enough to trigger a minor panic attack.
Fortunately, my Allie had everything under control. Even though I had left work early to give her a hand, everything was entirely set up when I arrived home. The chef was busy preparing along with his helpers and two uniformed servers were setting up the main room for dinner.
I should have known that nothing small or insignificant would happen to me during this year I’ve been with Allie. To date my life has been nothing short of miraculous. Not only can’t I recognize my old self in the mirror, I was seriously beginning to forget I even had an ‘old self’.
The table was set in the long room and upon it sat the finest of the fine things Allie accumulated over the years. Some were heirlooms and some were things she simply liked and bought. My breath was taken when I saw the arrangement of things and I knew it had the Allie touch. The candelabras had lovely long bees wax tapers ready for the flame and each place setting had the mandatory three stemmed glasses.
The long room had its own distinctive quality. This was where Allie hung the pieces she liked and displayed those that caught her eye. There were several of my pieces on display although she kept the ones she especially adored in the cave or our bedroom. The few pieces of furniture used to display various ceramics or antiques of interest were antique.
I guess growing up in the environment she did a certain measure of formality would become her and it showed in this room. But what I loved about her was the ability to simply roll up her sleeves and take an active part in the work. When I walked in the door I noticed the people in the kitchen and my Allie was in the midst.
When I made my presence known Allie shuffled me off to our bedroom and cautioned me to stay out of the way. Can you imagine? She told me to undress and rest up. The dress code was to be casual and we were simply going to have a great meal and exhibit our studios. But before I could do that, I needed to bring the color splotches down to my studio. I just had this feeling.
What else could I do? I went shopping. I was already in the area and so I called to have Allie meet me at Bloomies. I was simply tired of my ‘plain Jane’ attire. Sure, it was office stylish but I had seen enough of the latest street styles to know that I was missing out. Since I had ‘become’ a woman, I might as well take full advantage.
Everywhere I looked I saw bodycon, asymmetry, high-low, handkerchief, and everything in between and I wanted in…literally…all the way. I had never experienced this kind of dress ‘jones’ before and it had everything to do with the morning’s meeting with the ‘boys in the suits’.
The dinner was a smashing success. Martha and Peter knew one another far more intimately than I ever thought. Evidently they nearly grew up together. Peter’s mother was a member of ‘the club’ and often had business dealings with Martha’s father. They socialized often so it was only natural for Peter and Martha to become more than simply acquainted.
Both had attended the same private school in Manhattan and had even gone to Harvard together. Martha was decidedly bi-sexual leaning toward the ladies more than the boys. Peter was also bi-sexual but he also enjoyed being with the same gendered lovers. They found that their ‘keeping company’ during a time where sexual idiosyncrasies were still somewhat of a taboo was more than convenient.
And although each was on the other’s Christmas list, they now travelled in more diverse circles. Martha preferred her acquaintances to be from the business community and Peter preferred his artists. Susan seemed to be as surprised as I was when we heard the tale of their coming of age together although they never did more than play ‘show and tell’. But their friendship, was quite apparent.
Martha’s partner, Martina Adams, gave a whole new meaning to ‘chap stick lesbian’.
She was tall, blonde, and had broad swimmer's shoulders.
Marti, as she liked to be called, was an athlete throughout school until an injury whilst trying out for the Olympic women’s swim team ended her career. She fortunately had an amazingly sharp mind and a very warm personality. It was easy to understand how Martha would be taken with her.
Marti’s wife, Drew, was a delight as well.
She was as femme as Marti was butch.
Drew and Pet seemed to be good friends, as I would have expected. They both seemed as anxious as I was to be involved with the actual mechanics of the dinner but Allie put down the law.
I was stunned that Drew was the same as Petra…and me I guess; ‘new girls’? Even though I knew, I never would have guessed. She was so amazingly elegant and graceful that I actually envied her.
I was also beginning to see a distinct pattern. Martha had Petra, Marti had Drew, Allie had me, Susan had just gotten rid of ‘what’s his name’, and they were all members of the same club. Was it more than simple teasing when Susan said she’d gobble me up in a minute?
Anyway, when dinner was finished and just before we settled in for dessert, Martha and Susan were quite anxious to go to the studios and see what treasures lay hidden. We all went down and Martha immediately went to my little bastion of creation. Whilst the others entered, Martha simply stood at the portal and slowly gazed all around the space. A smile came to her lips.
“Yesss…” Martha hissed with the sound of joy in her voice.
I began to show everyone some of the things I was working on. Not having a show in mind I kind of did several different experimental pieces. Peter in particular spent time on every single work whether it was completed or not.
Drew was surprisingly interested in the works that dealt with texture. Knowing she was an accomplished author I understood what she was getting from the viewing. Pet stayed by her side and simply smiled, her eyes enjoying all the colors and forms.
“What are these?” Martha was gazing at the studies I’d done in the office.
“I was just playing with bands of color in particular spectrums. I kind of interlaced the water colors with the inks.”
Martha lifted up one of the studies. I’d started at the top with a very pale pastel yellow and by mixing in blue by varying degrees until I finished at the bottom with a royal blue. It brought to mind…at least my mind…the sea and water as being the beginning of life.
“Yesss…” Martha turned to look for Marti. “Marti dear… Have a look at this.”
Marti walked over from an oil still life I was still working on. She stood next to Martha and gazed at the stock. I felt somewhat intimidated by her height as well as her broad shoulders.
“Yeah…” She looked down at Martha. “What are you thinking?”
“Well…” Martha took a breath and cocked her head to one side. “I think that this would definitely stand out against everything I’ve seen.” She looked up at Marti. “It certainly would make a statement. Don’t you think…?”
“Well…” Marti gazed at the sheet again. “It’s certainly modern…at least compared to what we’ve been looking at. But how would you contrast our names against that?”
“How about this…?” I suddenly had an idea. “Suppose we did interweaving lines than varied color from top to bottom. The center would be blank and your names could appear. Wait a minute.”
I went to my colored pencils and brought them back with a blank piece of paper. Peter heard our conversation and he joined us as well. Susan had gone off with the others as Allie led them into her studio. I bent over and began to feverishly draw a Celtic knot border graduating the colors in the same fashion as the coloration on the stock. I worked as quickly and as accurately as I could whilst standing.
“Yesss… I can see it.” Martha mumbled softly. “And the lettering…?”
“Old English…?” Marti offered.
“Well…?” I stood up and gazed at the half finished work. “Gothic first letters…the ‘G’ and the ‘A’…” I imagined the lettering in my mind.
“And maybe block in a smaller font?” Peter added as he watched appreciating my effort.
“I’d leave the yellow and the…navy blue off?” Marti glanced down at Martha. “It’s kind of harsh.”
Slowly…well maybe not so slowly…but surely…and not Shirley…the logo was assembled in my mind. It wouldn’t take any time at all to put this together.
“How about a rainbow logo for our… Well… Our rainbow clients…?” Marti asked with a chuckle.
“Perhaps for…personal correspondence…? But I don’t think there’s anything to be gained by individual logos for specific markets.” Susan said as Martha gazed at me sketching away feverishly.
“After all, you’re not exactly selling baked goods mixes...” Susan chuckled as she reentered my studio. “…or power tools.”
“I really like this one.” Drew said without even turning.
“When did you do this one?” Peter asked with total surprise.
“Ummm…” I was just finishing up my stretch. “One minute…”
“I could certainly use something like this for cover artwork.” Drew said excitedly.
I turned to see them gazing at a portrait I did of Lilly the way she looked New Year’s Eve. It wasn’t completed but most of the work was there. I should have had that one covered but I didn’t think of it.
“Ummm…” I really didn’t want Peter to see it. I wanted to surprise him. “It just kind of happened? She looked so amazing…so adult. I felt like capturing that?”
“You’re amazing Andi.”
Peter said as he began to choke up.
“Everything I’ve seen is really stellar.” Martha said with some pride.
“I have to agree.” Susan grinned.
“Do you ever do cover art?” Drew turned with a look of hope on her face.
“I… Ummm…” I looked at Peter for a brief moment. “You should really use Linda Cray. Her art is amazing.”
“As if I could contact her...” Drew sounded dismayed. “My publisher’s tried several times but she seems to be impossible to commission these days. Everybody wants to use her.”
“You’re looking at her daughter.” Peter chuckled.
“You’re joking.” Drew looked shocked.
Peter pulled out his cell phone and speed dialed a number. Of course Allie and I knew who he was calling. We stood there and grinned.
“Hello baby…” Peter cooed. “How was school today?” His smile grew larger as he patiently listened for several minutes. “That’s really wonderful. Hold on and I’ll ask.” He turned to me. “She wants to know if you’d like to go to her art fair at school.”
I looked toward Allie who smiled and nodded.
“We’d love to go.” I grinned
“Yes baby… They both want to come. Is your mom at home?”
I found their relationship to be so very unusual for divorced people. I mean they can be friends…sort of? But Peter and Linda seemed to be even closer than simply friends.
“Hi Lin…” Peter’s smile grew even broader. “Yes… I’m well. Got a minute for some business?” Peter winked at Drew. “You’ve heard of Drew Adams?”
Now everyone’s attention was turned toward Peter. He said nothing for several minutes. But he did laugh and smile.
“Would you like to do some cover art for her?” Again Peter listened for a few minutes. “No… I’m with Andi and Allie at the moment. Drew is here as well and she wanted to inquire. We’ve just had dinner. I know sweet heart. But that’s what agents are for.”
Peter listened for a few minutes more, laughed, and then ended the call. He watched the screen on his phone for a moment or two and then smiled as he handed it to Drew.
“This is her agent’s e-mail address and phone number. Just give him a call and forward a copy of the manuscript to him. Linda will make sure she gets it.”
Drew gazed at the phone and forwarded the information to hers.
“Oh my God Peter…” Drew then hugged him and kissed his cheek. “I can’t thank you enough.”
I felt as if the entire room sighed in relief. Peter chuckled as he took his phone back.
“She was actually wondering what took you so long to contact her. She adores your work.”
Drew took hold of Peter’s arm as we walked toward Allie’s studio. Only Martha stayed back and looked through some of the canvasses I’m begun but left stacked against the wall.
“You know sweet heart…” Martha never took her eyes off the canvasses.
“I see this room…”
She looked up at me. I could see tears beginning to form. “And I can’t help thinking about your father. He would have been very proud of your work…and of you.”
I walked up to Martha and I hugged her. She continued to stare around the studio as if taking a panoramic picture with her mind.
“I image his studio would be very similar to this.” Her face saddened and I could see her actually aging as she thought about my father. “Are you happy? I mean truly happy?”
Martha turned to me. I could see she was quite serious. I thought for a moment, if for no other reason than to fully absorb her question. Was I truly happy?
“Yes Aunt Martha…”
“Please dear… Simply Martha will suffice. ‘Aunt’ makes me feel older than I am.” She chuckled.
“Yes… Martha…” I smiled knowing that the title would arise. “I think I’m happy.”
“Come dear… Sit with me for a moment.”
Martha walked to one of two stools and sat down. I followed her and did the same. She reached out and took my hand in hers. Martha’s smile was gentle and serene. She gazed down at my hands and ran her finger across my highly polished nail. Then she gazed up at me.
“We’re adults…you and I.” Martha paused for a moment. “And we’re of the same blood. If you fear I’m intruding upon your personal life, do be good enough to say so. There will be no formalities or secrets between us.”
I nodded my head. I had no idea of where Martha was going with this conversation but it sounded quite serious.
“Once your Allie gives birth, she will change.” Martha’s gaze was fixed totally upon me. “Things will change. It is inevitable. She’s a lovely caring and generous young woman and I couldn’t be more pleased that you two have found one another. But once that child is born, you will become second on her list of concerns. It’s the way of things and it’s quite natural.”
“I understand.” I smiled. I did understand.
“You will need to hire help. I would suggest getting at least one woman full time. There is plenty of space down here to construct an apartment. Perhaps you might even consider finding sisters or two relatives so that you can have coverage around the clock.”
“Well… We were planning on having a nurse for at least two or three weeks.”
“That’s good planning. But you should consider something more permanent. If I’m any judge of character, your Allie may find it difficult to return to work. I suspect that child will be the focus of her life for at least the first few years.” Martha chuckled. “And if her attention toward you is any indication, she’ll be a good mother.”
“Yes…” I laughed. “She mother’s me all the time. There is something though.” This was really a concern.
“Yes sweet heart… Whatever is it?” Martha crooned.
“Well…” I didn’t know how to really begin.
“Just relax and take a deep breath dear.” Martha smiled.
I did as she requested only my exhale came out as a sigh.
“I worry that Allie will lose interest in me. And not simply because of the baby...” I was quick to add.
“Whatever makes you think that?” Martha seemed…shocked?
“Well… She had regular lovers before; you know? And… Well…? I wasn’t exactly the most…manly…to begin with?” I felt my face turn hot Paris pink. “And I worry…” My voice trailed off.
“You worry she’ll lose interest in you as a sexual partner?” Martha chuckled which didn’t make me feel any better. “And you’re worried that once your performance fails she’ll seek her pleasures elsewhere.”
“Yeah…” I gazed down at my pumps. “I guess that’s about it. I mean…” I gazed up at Martha. “She says that won’t ever happen but…well…we all have our needs. And I would never think of stopping her. I mean… You really can’t own a person.” I was verging on tears.
“My dear child…” Martha laughed and gently slapped my knee. “That woman will never leave you…especially for the cock. But what about you…?”
“Me…?”
“Yes… Certainly you’ve had relations with a male before.”
“Yeah…” I couldn’t believe where our conversation was going. “But they weren’t very positive experiences.” I sighed.
“But you do think about men.” Martha smiled wickedly.
I giggled and turned fruit punch red.
“I thought so.” Martha smiled. “I dare say that you’ve had your eye on Peter.”
“I must admit he’s difficult for me to be around when I need to concentrate.”
“That is totally understandable my dear. He is quite delicious.” Martha grinned. “Well I certainly hope you didn’t act on your…desires?”
“Oh no… I mean it’s difficult enough without any…complications?”
“Smart girl…” Martha chuckled. “Although I must admit that the lure of a nice big stout cock can be quite a temptation. Pet…quite like you…had several early relationships with males. She found them to be very pleasurable from a physical and spiritual perspective.”
“How does she deal with...? I mean…”
“What do we do about our urges?” Martha chuckled.
“Yeah… I mean sometimes the urge is kind of strong; especially since I’m still curious?”
“We rent a man.”
“You what…?”
I was…stunned and shocked and almost fell off my stool. Martha burst out laughing.
“It’s really quite convenient. We rent a nice young, virile, beautiful man and shack up for the evening in a hotel room the company rents for visiting customers. It’s really quite convenient and all very discrete.”
I sat and listened to Martha with my mouth agape. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Oh we don’t do it on a regular basis. But once in a while; oh…maybe once a month or so…we do take advantage of the service.”
“You both do it with the same guy at the same time?” Words fail to describe my total shock.
“Certainly… We are a couple and we would never cheat on one another. We view this as no different from getting a massage together. After all, it never lasts long enough to develop into anything and it’s a different young man each time. But it does relieve the tension and that’s what is important…to both of us.”
Martha smiled but I saw the seriousness of what she was saying in her eyes.
“I mean…” I didn’t know what to say or how to ask…anything about what I’d just heard.
“I have a good acquaintance that happens to run a ladies club across the river. We must bring you and Allie with us one evening if you both feel like a night out to go dancing. The club is quite elegant and it’s strictly ladies only.”
“You mean it’s a lesbian club?”
“Why yes dear…” Martha chuckled. “Those do exist you know. She has connections and availability to fine young men. They’re English may not be very good but it’s not conversation we’re looking for.”
“Is she… Is she like a pimp?”
“Oh heavens no…” Martha laughed. “We simply pay the young man. I imagine there is somebody who does get their share. After all, somebody is making these young men available. I do handle her investments even though her account is quite small by our standards. But she is an endearing person and she always makes sure we get the best of everything whenever we are at her club.”
I thought about what Martha just told me. I thought this might be a good outlet should Allie have the urge. Although I seemed to usually have the urge I could never cheat on her. This might prove to be just the solution should the urge strike us both at the same time.
“Do Marti and Drew use the same service?”
My real question should have been if this was a sorority thing of theirs.
“Oh Lord no…” Martha laughed. “Marti has always been gay and Drew, although she has had… Oh what do they call it? The cut…? Drew prefers women and always has.”
“How did Marti meet Drew?”
“Did I hear my name mentioned?” Marti walked in and chuckled.
“Were your ears ablaze dear girl?” Martha asked with a smile.
Allie and Drew followed Marti in and announced that coffee and dessert would be served downstairs. We all slowly walked down the flight to find an amazing spread of desserts in the way of pastries, cheeses and fruit. It was nearly midnight when our dinner party finally broke up.
Finally, after the catering people were paid and everything was back in reasonable shape, Allie and I were able to undress, wash, and crash into our bed. We were both physically and mentally exhausted. I was spooned up behind her and luxuriating in the feel and the scent of Allie’s body.
“I think our first dinner party was a success.” I giggled. In truth I was thrilled.
“Yeah…” Allie yawned. “We need to do this again. But next time let’s do it on a weekend.”
“Oh absolutely… I had no idea just how much work went into one of these things.”
“Everyone loved my pottery.” Allie grasped the arm I had around her. “Drew wanted to buy about a dozen different things.” She giggled. “By the way… What happened with you and Martha? You both kind of disappeared.”
“We were in the studio talking.” I snickered.
“Oh…? What did you guys talk about?”
“Oh…” I could barely contain myself. “Just girl talk…”
The meeting was scheduled for nine in the morning. Peter and I arrived early to see to the preparations. Someone had arranged to have breakfast catered and they were in the process of setting up the conference room. I had dressed for the occasion in my usual conservative trousers, a lovely white blouse with a ribbon neck tie, and a light weight ash grey linen blazer.
Moving the easels to a better position so that they could be seen as one walked through the double doors; I opened my portfolio and set out the display placards. I had done several with different color schemes, omitting the harsh yellow and deep blue, and I had different styles, and colorations, of lettering on plastic overlays. The real challenge was to have the overlays done for the morning.
I had done a few other drawings over the weekend. I wasn’t completely satisfied with the ideas we had for the new logo. I came up with a pair of crossed anchors. I pictured a heart with four stars in it where the stocks intersected and between the rings. I drew the symbols to different scales. The symbols were all from the coat of arms of the Adams and the Gray families.
Mister Helms came in before nine to see that everything was in order. I watched his reaction to the display. A look of curiosity crossed his face. He crossed one arm and rested the elbow of his other upon the crossed one. He held his chin with his hand and a sort of scowl came upon his face. He quickly glanced at me.
“This is a little out of the ordinary for an investment banking firm…don’t you think?” He pointed to the Celtic knot symbol.
“Well…?” I clutched my hands in front of me and rolled my eyes upward as I blushed all night long red. “They asked for something different. They wanted something with…life in it?”
Mister Helms glanced back at the colored mattes. He walked over and began to place some of the lettering overlays atop the mattes. He stood back and stared at what he saw for several very long moments. I bit my lip, the anxiety of those moments getting the better of me.
“Well… The Gray Adams certainly stands out. But I’m not sure whether I’m selling paint or art supplies.” He chuckled.
Mister Helms walked a few steps to one of the computer displays and typed something in. He carefully glanced at whatever appeared on the monitor.
“I will say that there’s only one that even comes close.” He turned the monitor for me to see. It was simply geometric shades of blue in a simple design. “Is there purpose, or meaning, to the intertwining lines of color?”
“Well yes actually…” Peter finally chimed in. “That’s a Celtic knot. The lines interconnect and never end. This represents the intertwining of all things and the continuum of life.” He looked at me and smiled.
Mister Helms smiled at me.
“Are you Irish? Your last name sounds…Italian.”
“Ummm…” I was not about to let the proverbial cat out of the bag about my relationship with Martha. “My dad was from Scottish people.” Peter looked at me and could barely control himself. He actually had to turn away for fear of snickering. “Ms. Gray and Ms. Adams are both of Scottish descent. I thought this might be appropriate.”
Mister Helms folded his arms and pursed his lips. He seemed to be thinking about it as he slowly nodded. At just that moment Martha was shown into the conference room followed by Marti, Meg and, of all people, Susan.
“Oh yes…” Martha spoke in that amazing smoky voice. “I do like these.” She saw me and grinned. “Come here dear…” Martha opened up her arms and embraced me when I came to her. “I hope you didn’t slave all weekend over these.” She kissed both my cheeks.
Susan came up next and hugged me, kissing my fore head. “It looks like our little art genius scored another one.” She turned to Peter. “Peter dear… So good to see you again…”
Peter came up to Susan and gently took her hand as he kissed both her cheeks.
Marti simply walked up to the mattes and began to move the overlays about. She suddenly turned to me.
“How about that other thing, the rainbow…?”
“Well…” I walked over to my portfolio and took out several mattes. I placed them out on another easel. “I thought the rainbow looked a bit too…overdone? So I also did these using shades of purple. I think it has a different look; not quite as newbie?”
“Yeah…” Marti took two of the overlays and centered them upon both the rainbow and one of the purple knots. “I think you’re right. Everything is too rainbow these days anyway.” She laughed. “What do you think Martha?”
“Well…” Martha stood back from the easel, her fingers seemingly locked together in prayer just beneath her reddened lips. “I agree with you completely. We should make the logo available to those who wish to use it.” She turned toward Peter. “Peter dear… We shall also need some sort of campaign. I’m not sure whether the net or print would be more appropriate.”
“And we’re also thinking maybe cable as well.” Martha added as she continued to play with the lettering overlays.
“We’ll have no problem handling any of your needs Martha. Our staff is quite diverse and knowledgeable in all areas of promotion.”
“If you wish, I’m sure Peter and Andi would be quite willing to be your exclusive contacts with us.” Mister Helms smiled.
“Oh… I’m so sorry.” Peter rushed over to Mister Helms’ side and took him by the arm. “This is Jack Helms, our senior vice president. Jack…” Peter turned to Martha. “This is Martha Gray and Martina Adams. Of course you already know Susan.”
“Ms. Gray…” Mister Helms smiled brightly and held out his hand.
“Oh please…” Martha’s eyes flashed as brightly as she smiled. “Call me Martha. And this is Marti.” They both shook his hand. “I’m quite happy to leave things in Peter and Andi’s talented hands. Susan has been bending my ear continually about the great work they’ve done for her.”
“Well Peter has always done brilliant work for our clients and Andi is the shining star of our artistic team.” Mister Helms reached into his suit’s jacket pocket and he pulled a card out for both Martha and Marti. “I’m twenty four seven. If either of you need anything…” He left the rest unsaid.
“Well…” Martha grinned and looked at me and then Peter. “I will try to not have you regret saying that.” She chuckled.
“Ummm…” I interrupted…sort of. “I also did these.” I pulled out anchor and heart mattes and laid them over the knot ones. “The symbols are from both your coats of arms.”
Martha and Marti glanced at each other and then back to the images.
“Now we really have a problem.” Martha frowned. “I really love the imagery of the anchors and the heart. It says more than any slogan possibly could.”
“Why not get them both?” Marti grinned. “No sense in letting a perfectly good logo go to waste. I kind of like the entire idea of the anchors and the heart. And I also like the knot.” Marti turned to Peter. “Let’s test them both.”
“That’s won’t be a problem. We could probably have good results by…” Peter glanced at Mister Helms and then back at Marti. “…probably by Wednesday or Thursday.”
“We just took on a new behavioral scientist who has done ground breaking work in economic decision making. This is just the sort of thing she’ll love.” Mister Helms offered with a grin.
And so we breakfasted and spoke of ideas for Gray Adams and the repartee was delightfully full of humor and ideas and very elegant thoughts. Mister Helms excused himself after coffee and left Peter and I to finish up. The ladies spent another half an hour looking over the mattes and I assured them, and Peter, that the work could be finished within days of the test results coming back and a decision being made.
As we all gathered our things and preceded down the elevator, I asked Peter for the rest of the day off. Of course there was no problem. Once outside Peter hugged and kissed all three ladies’ cheeks and left for the office. I lingered for a few moments with them.
“So dear child…” Martha spoke with a wry grin. “What mischief do you and Allie have planned for this afternoon?”
“Well…?” I giggled and rolled my eyes. “I want to go to Bloomies and look at some of the new styles. I think I want to try some of the new dresses I’ve seen being worn around town.”
“Ahhh… I see.” Martha chuckled. “One must be stylish as one moves up the corporate ladder…so to speak. And you’re quite wise to have Allie with you. She happens to have exquisite taste. After all, she did find you.” She smiled slyly.
“Don’t even think of going without me as well.” Susan said in a mocking voice as she then turned toward Martha and Marti. “I told you she is amazing.”
“Of course she is.” Martha chuckled and hugged me.
“After all…she is my niece.”
Will Andi continue to ‘climb the ladder’? Will she need to fight an angel on the way up? Will Jacob be ahead of her doing all the fighting? Can we expect more events of a biblical proportions? Where’s Cecil B. DeMille now that we need him? Will Allie vore the entire city? And what about Bob? If there’ll ever be answers to any of these ridiculous questions…they’ll be found in the next congressionally approve and signed chapters of ‘Andi and Allie’!!!