Thanks Dad for Being There
idwell
whom she thought to be an 'Average Joe...'
Her interest to play the guitar and form a girl band begins the unfolding of her dad's past.
Joe had been an excellent guitar player, but there was more...
Jenn's make-up kit had fallen out of her purse, while in dad's car...
I appreciated my dad as I was growing up, but I was a teenager before I discovered how beautiful he was. My Dad was a neat dad when I was younger, but then he shut down, it was like parts of him became so quiet and more distant that I lost part of him. I was the oldest of his children and when Mom would say how neat Dad was, I thought most of it must have been when he was younger, pre-kids. But despite those things, I usually thought like most kids I had the best dad there is. He was always there for us when we were growing up. And while not everything was easy he was always willing to try his best for us. Mom was the one who was naturally good at most things she did. I don’t mean to be mean but I was thankful I was a girl as mom was an easier role model to follow.
I was 10 when I first started to see my Dad as a diamond in the rough, an unwashed gem. It was his turn to read to my youngest sister and brother when I first recognized what I was missing. Our Dad had trouble reading and speaking at times. He stuttered as well as had trouble reaching for words as he was speaking. I think it stopped people from recognizing how smart he was.
That night when he was reading he put himself into the story and while there were times he had trouble this night as he spoke as two sisters and a mother his voice was smooth, filled with joy, caring, tears or fear as appropriate to the characters. From then on I made it a habit to take time and listen in when it was my Dad’s turn to read. After that when I watch Dad do things for us I began to see other differences I had missed before.
Often when there was a dad/daughter event my dad took part though others bragged how far their dad could hit a ball, be tough, jump high or how well they could sing, I felt bad because it wasn’t about my dad. He wasn’t the shortest or the weakest, but I felt bad like he didn’t usually measure up. Effort or being there was never a problem. He worked overtime especially when we as kids wanted something special. I learned later he was passed over for a promotion because he took too much time being there for us his kids, especially me.
My Mom, Karen, was an Emergency Room nurse. She was not only a very good looking woman she was a darn good nurse. People would come up to me and tell me how special she was and helped this person and helped save that person. She even had her Master’s degree in nursing that allowed her to do many things a doctor could.
When Cathy started school and Mom went back to work she worked from 11 pm to 7 am so she could be there for us. She had the next day’s clothes ready before she went to work. She usually slept while we were in school unless she needed to be there for us. I loved her because she had time to listen, and could show me things as a girl growing up. She was great at encouraging me to try what I want and did what she could to help make it possible.
When I was 12 and decided I wanted to play the guitar, I was surprised when Mom suggested I talk to Dad. She took me to a storage area and pulled out an acoustical guitar and suggested I asked my dad about it. I shared two concerns: I didn’t want to play old boring songs and that I had trouble relating to Dad at times. She reminded me of a time the past year when I painted my dad’s fingernails after he fell asleep in a chair. I smiled and laughed as Dad was really cool at that time. “That’s the Dad you will find if you just explore. You may think your dad is the average Joe, but if you get him playing the guitar again, you might discover the Joe I fell in love with. Your Dad, like many dads, has hidden part of his past thinking he’s doing us a favor.”
Dad’s name is Joe, and “Average Joe” was a term I heard about my dad before, but I knew he didn’t like it. I waited until after dinner and had snuck dad’s guitar and amplifier out to the family room.
“Hey Dad, come here! I want to show you something I found today.” Dad shared back that he just wanted to relax, but Mom gave him a push and shared he owed it to me to come and look. Mom had cleaned things up as much as she could and made sure it was working. The biggest problem in keeping him from discovering it was my two sisters and brother wanted to play with it. Joy and fear hit my dad’s face at the same time. Mom reminded him it was like riding a bicycle you don’t forget once you know how to do it. It seemed unnatural for a guitar strap to be around my dad’s shoulder, but he looked like he was very comfortable putting it on.
My sisters and brother came running as dad hit the first strings and took time to get it in tune. He said it needed work but I was quickly pleased. I knew the first few tunes he played were old songs, but the music was alive. I asked him if he could play any of today’s music. He asked how old I was? When I said ‘twelve’ he said the newest tune he played was thirteen years ago.
I used my iPod to play a few songs and he was able to play two in two tries and a third song took him three tries. On the next time with each song, he was getting creative and it blew my mind. On two songs my dad asked me to start singing the song and he came in after me. We would stop an hour into playing but Dad was already coaxing me to bring the songs alive with my voice. Dad’s fingertips were not used to playing that much, which is why we stopped, but the conversation continued another hour and a half.
Dad had been part of a band both in high school and in college and early in their marriage. But he said he gave it up once they knew I was coming along. I guess Mom had a miscarriage before me, and dad felt more responsible to be around after Mom became pregnant with me. Mom shared Dad had played a song at my baptism, but someone suggested that was not very ‘dad like’ and he hadn’t played since.
Dad asked about my interest in the guitar. When I told him I was interested in playing the guitar and even in being in a girl band, he brightened up. He said I needed to find a good teacher to learn to play correctly, to read notes and learn chords. He would help me as much as he could if. He asked if I was serious about having fun with it. I already played drums in the high school band and sang in the chorus so I was surprised when he asked about me being serious. I questioned if he was joking or just challenging me. Dad said something I will always remember. “I have seen and heard you in the band and the chorus, but it often didn’t look like you were always having fun. If you are going to play the guitar you should either enjoy doing so or hang it up.”
It was then I realized how happy my Dad had quickly become in playing the guitar again.
I asked dad, “Did any of the bands start using makeup and outfits when you were playing or was that later?” Dad shared not many of the local or regional groups were into that when he was playing.
Mom’s cough let me know to pursue that further. So I asked, “How about you and the bands you played in?” Dad’s look to Mom could have killed another person but Mom just smiled and left saying she had to get ready for work.
Luckily Mom had sent the younger two to bed and my other sister to the shower or I might not have heard my dad’s next confession. He usually wore a woman’s satin or silk blouse up till the time her parents came to a performance. He and mom had an agreement that he wouldn’t wear blouses or make-up when her parents came to see his band.
“I am surprised, Mom was such a prude.” He confessed Mom liked him like that and it was he who was shy around his parents. Picturing Grandpa Roberts, I had no problem imagining his worry. Grandma, I thought could enjoy it if she wouldn’t worry about her husband either. Finally, I asked, “Is that why you weren’t upset when I painted your fingernails?” His face became uncomfortable, and then he said he needed to go to the bathroom.
I did the remaining reading for tomorrow at school and had gone on to the computer and my cell to visit before going to bed. I caught Mom on her way out and asked how Dad was doing. She smiled and shared he had a very good time. When I asked about the painted fingernails, she changed the subject and shared I should talk to Dad about looking at guitars after he gets off of work. I got the message that I had asked enough, for some reason that little thing was very sensitive.
It was a cheerful morning as I did ask and received confirmation about looking at guitars that evening. School today was an average day and I went over Rhonda’s after school. Rhonda was my best friend and she shared my interest in starting a band. Like me, she already played the drums and was interested to stay behind the drums. We were brainstorming who else might be good and it was helpful to have Mrs. Griggs’ input. Rhonda’s mom suggested we not go with a senior girl as she would be distracted with graduating and then likely gone. Instead, she encouraged us to get good and to realize it would probably take us half a year to get a band together. Longer to get enough experience and songs to be worth other people’s interest, so much for instant success.
I got home half an hour before my dad. Mom reminded me of a chore to get done and about my homework. My Dad had done his research and there were two music shops that were must stop. Dad had his guitar and amplifier unloaded from the car at the first store before I knew it. Dad left me with the salesman and took his stuff over to the service department. He wanted both the guitar and amplifier cleaned up, serviced and the wires changed.
The salesman and I had been visiting a good forty minutes and asked me what I thought. The salesman had pointed out three we might be interested in. Dad quickly kicked out the cheapest guitar and asked what I liked about the other two. Dad was a little upset I had not tried either one yet. He wasn’t angry with me but rather the salesman. The salesman shared he had included the cheaper guitar because he did not know how serious I was or how much my dad, was willing to invest.
“I am sorry that in forty minutes you did not take my daughter seriously, but it’s hard to be serious if they are not hooked up and playable.” My Dad shared we wanted to try both but asked if he had the one model in a better size for me. Dad asked me to try on the one he wanted to be replaced and it quickly became obvious it was a bit bulky for me. I apologized, but Dad shared he only knew it because it was more bulk than he would want. They did have a smaller more streamlined model of the same basic guitar. It was now 7:20 and they would be closing at 8. Dad had me try both guitars and gave me a quick lesson of four chords to try on each.
Dad, not the salesman helped to adjust the strap. We tried the first guitar and it felt and sounded really. Dad had me try the second guitar on a different amplifier. I liked the looks and feel of the first guitar, but the second guitar sounded noticeably better. Dad got my opinions and suggested I try the first guitar in the second amplifier. I was surprised by how much better it sounded with the second amplifier.
Dad played both guitars and it was now five minutes before 8 and dad asked the price of the guitar I liked and the second amplifier. The salesman started to figure things out. Dad suggested he get the manager and they quickly give us a price. While the guy went to get the manager Dad asked if I really liked what he was asking a price for. I shared “Yes but aren’t we going to the other store before we buy.” Dad said, “Yes unless the price was right.”
The salesman threw out, “The ballpark price on that set would be $995 plus tax and fees.” Dad said, “That’s too high, I want to know tax, fees, the guitar, wire cords, amplifier and case what is the price for us to take it out tonight.” They suggested $875 while Dad suggested $775. They came back with $825 as their lowest and Dad shared, “My highest is $790.00 before he walked out the door. We will be at Reedman’s tomorrow and should be able to get what we want. The manager said he would compromise at $800. Dad took my arm and we headed for the door.
The manager said okay we will sell it at $775 but we will need to add the tax. Dad said if that is $790.00 we have a deal. I felt bad as the dickering caused dad’s speech problems to rise. Dad shared he was happy to settle as he believed they were the better service people, but that the guitars would have been relatively the same. Dad threw a wireless head/microphone set up on the counter and asked for the proper battery to go with it.
I gave dad a big hug and kiss and he returned the same, suggesting I call Mom and tell her what we did, but to tell her we spent $1,400 and that did not include the work on his guitar. The manager told me I had quite the Mom and Dad. “Jennifer is quite the young woman and as her parents, it is us who are quite proud to have her.” Dad gave me a hug and kiss as Mom answered the phone.
“Dad wanted me to let you know we were able to get what we wanted and it only cost $1,400.” But as I spotted a tear in Dad’s eyes my voice broke and gave the exaggeration away. Mom shared she was happy for me, but if it cost more than $1,100 my dad could drive directly to the emergency room and save on the ambulance. I passed on her reply and we all laughed. Dad shared he was taking me for a bite to eat unless she had something that would not hold over until tomorrow.
With the guitar in case and Dad carrying the amplifier, we headed for the car and I thanked the people for staying open to make the sale. On our way to the restaurant, I thanked Dad for all he did and apologized for the strain it put upon him. He knew I meant I could hear it in his speech.
Dad said he felt worse for me as he couldn’t really hear it. “I wish my speech was better so I didn’t embarrass my family, but as far as I am concerned it doesn’t hurt me, and you are worth it.” Dad saw me look at my phone and he suggested I call whomever while we were riding in the car, but as we were eating he wanted me to wait until I got home to text others. I called Rhonda and Jeff and told both about what we bought and that I would text them later. Dad shared he was impressed that I could say what I did about the guitar and amp.
During our meal, we had a great talk. I shared how impressed I was with the way Dad handled everything. I thought the salesman was quickly overwhelmed and that Dad was a bit rough on him. Dad agreed but he shared I made two good choices and if we were going to get enough information and possible sale he needed to do what he did. “I was upset he treated you as a little girl who needed to wait for her daddy to think. Your mother is a sharp woman and I get frustrated any time someone treats her or her girls with less respect than I think they should.
We ate our meal and dad had one drink to celebrate the evening. I sat back and noticed as we visited on how handsome my dad was. He had fine features and while he was not big and muscular, I saw the joy and the beautiful guy that I thought my Mom probably saw in him. I touched his hand across the table and he did not draw away. When did that wall or distance between us vanish? I was not sure, but I prayed what we now had would stay.
“Dad, do you know how well you speak when you are reading to Cathy and Dan? I have taken to sitting outside the room and listening to you. There are neat things that I have been discovering about you. I am sure they have always been there but for some reason, I am growing up and noticing them.”
Dad asked me not to get too nice or I would cause him to cry. I began to tear up and said, “That is not fair; a girl should not be robbed from being able to see the love of a Dad in his tears.” Dad said it had to do with a man being strong.
“That is stupid, seemingly any man can hold back his emotions, I would think it takes a strong man to show his feelings. I am not expecting you to cry in public or at home. I understand the dumb image thing. I just don’t think it is fair to children.” I shared I was glad to see him happy and excited we would have a chance to be doing some things together.
Dad shared we were at the point I would soon be embarrassed to have my parents around. “You’re right in many areas I am wanting my space and privacy to be with my friends. But I hope I don’t get too big to come over and hug you and receive your praise before I get lost with my friends.”
“You know when I see you smile, I see the resemblance Grandma says I have with you. You are a neat looking man, tender yet strong and when you’re happy I very much want to be like you.”
We got home in time to share what we got and to visit with Mom before she went to work. Mom and Dad said everything was okay, but I could see in the short time they had to themselves Dad had cried about something. But we had a good time before and after Mom left for work.
I finished up my homework, visited with friends especially Rhonda and Jeff and then got ready for bed. It was late and Mom would have been to work at least a half-hour. I passed their bedroom and heard dad crying. I went back to my room and called Mom to see what had happened that they weren’t telling us.
I suspected it was one of our grandparents but had not known any of them were sick. Mom shared, “Your evening with Dad had gone so well and you said things that deeply touched your Dad’s heart. You cracked that stronghold of him being a dad. He is a lot more sensitive than he lets on and the past two days you have joyfully cracked his comfort zone. His image of what a dad and man should be don’t match up that well with who he is. Don’t worry; you have made your dad very happy.”
Its morning as I am getting ready for school and dad for work; his façade is back in place but it is thinner now as some joy comes shining through. Dad was happier, I was tickled out of my mind to have a guitar beyond my imagining, yet there was something more. Thanks, God for bring us this far, help me to be content for today. Dad shared he was told of three guitar teachers and we could discuss that tonight.
Cathy and Dan asked Dad when Mom and he were giving them attention as Halloween was coming. Dan said Dad should be Elvis, Cathy said Hanna Montana, and Megan said that it would be cute to see dad as any woman. Once again that smile and concern flashed over Dad’s face at the same time. No one else paused or sought to take note of it but it caused me to think.
“Why is Dad seemingly stressed about him being a beautiful man to show through for others to see?” He’s not vain about needing to be seen as macho. We were going out the door for school as Mom was coming in from work, and Dan jumped Mom about looking for costumes. And Cathy spoke up, “Mom if Dad wanted to be Hannah Montana or a Princess instead of Elvis he could, couldn’t he?”
Mom was taken back and luckily Dad had already gone to the car. “Was that your idea young lady or dad’s?” “Well you could be a doctor or a nurse, why couldn’t dad be a Queen of music and not a King?” Mom chuckled and said that was a cute and liberating thought. She gave the younger two a kiss and hug and a pat on their way out.
Cathy giggled and agreed, “I think that would be very cute to see, I would hope Mom you would get to pick out what he wore.” I hugged mom and kiss, our eyes met and each was wondering the thoughts of the other.
“A penny for your thoughts Jennifer,” said Mom. I quickly pictured of Dad as a woman, disturbingly I like the image “I will take the fifth on that.”
The younger two were noisy on the way to school, but Kate and I were unusually quiet as was my dad. I leaned over and gave my dad a kiss and smile as I said good-bye. I grabbed my purse and went my way. Unbeknown to me my makeup bag fell on the seat.
It wasn’t a big problem as I had an extra mascara and lipstick in my purse and more make-up in my locker and school bag. I just laughed and hoped dad didn’t worry about me. Come, the end of the school, I found that Dad had left me a short text just saying thanks and he would see me at 4:30.
When I got home from school I was surprised to see Dad was already there. Mom gave me a hug and shared I continued to amaze her and I could only shake my head in amazement. “I have received a new guitar and amplifier, discovered my Dad was a cool guitar man and somehow I am amazing you.”
“You're leaving your makeup bag was genius; it was like a key that opened a long-locked door. Dad has just gotten home from work but he didn’t want to come in until you were here first.” There was a light knock on the door and with a soft voice, dad asked if we were ready for him to come in.
I turned and looked expecting him to come carrying in something, but I had no idea what. His briefcase looked more like a black purse slung over his shoulder, but apart from that, he brought nothing. I looked and saw his smile and while there was a glow the difference didn’t hit me at first. Then my mouth dropped open and my eyes widened in disbelief.
This cannot be my dad. “Dad, you used my make-up.” His lips were lightly done and the color wasn’t very different from this own, but they glimmered. His eyes had a hint of color and I could tell he used mascara. His face was soft, as his complexion was even. “Dad you are pretty.”
He smiled and softly asked, “You are not surprised or offended?”
“Surprised very much, but seeing your glow and smile, I am not at all offended.” A puzzled look came on Dad’s face. “But you left your makeup case and all the clues and encouragement. I was upset you found my old pictures before I could explain, but I felt embarrassed and ashamed and was sure you would think me weird and find my offensive.”
Mom had shared my thoughts with him and he thought I was the one who found the old pictures of him and got my sisters to set him up about dressing up like a woman. I had not known of the pictures, nor had I been part of what my sisters said.
“So do you mean you did this for me or because you liked to?”
“I thought both and that it was time to let you know.”
Karen, “Jenn, part of why I fell in love with your dad was not only his being handsome, but that he was beautiful inside and out. I grew up with only your uncles as my brothers and your dad was not only my love and best friend he was like having a sister and girlfriend as well.
Once after one of the times, your dad’s group played for a dance I took him back to my apartment. When I found out neither of my housemates would be back, I dressed and made up my boyfriend as a woman. The next night she looked so good I took her on a date. For three years we would fight as well as be in and out of love. Your dad’s ears had already been pierced for the band but whether we dated as a guy and gal or two women his good looks and sensitivity worked.” “…All these years since I was pregnant with you, She has been suppressed, only together with me did she ever see the light of day.”
“So when you found my makeup you thought I was encouraging that beautiful guy to show himself! So you waited till the end of work, made yourself up and came home to show me. How were you so patient all these years and then again today?”
“I was afraid and over time became more afraid and ashamed and then you found my guitar and encouraged that happy person inside to come out. When I got to work I discovered your make-up kit and put on some mascara and lipstick on before I went inside. I knew the color was the same as my lips and I mascara was only lightly done. It was lunchtime when one of the office women confronted me.”
“I thought I had done a good job concealing it and I would have if my smile had not made her look closer. They, at the end of lunch, added a tint to my eyes and lightly used a concealer and your makeup to give my face a smooth complexion. Maggie came at the break and did my fingers. “
“It was a little before 4 when they sent me home. They said you deserved to see your beautiful dad. I was afraid, but they said you deserved to see me that I owed it to you and me.” Dad was about to cry when I stepped up and gave him a hug and told him I was pleased to see my beautiful dad.
I turned to Mom and asked if she had anything her Sis could change into. She smiled and shook her head yes but Dad tried to say no. “Please, I see the beautiful man. What’s your name? Please love me enough to trust me.” Mom took Dad by the hand and went walking off to their room. He passed by my sisters and brother, said hi but I don’t think they saw the difference.
It was close to an hour before I saw them again and Dad was a woman head to toe. His face was made up for the evening, looped earrings, a gold chain necklace, a white satin blouse with slip and bra underneath, the skirt was a golden tan for a dressy night out. Mom had ordered pizza and arranged for Bridgette next door to sit my sisters and brothers as we went out to eat. Mom introduced me to her girlfriend Jasmine and handed her a sweater as we went out to eat.
2 - Stepping Out
=^_^=
Mom was driving as Dad was uncomfortable to do so wearing heels. We went at least 45 miles from home, then pulled into a nice restaurant and lounge. Mom came around and took a nervous Jasmine by the hand and we entered the Woods Hideaway Restaurant and Lounge. Sam, the owner, met us as we came in, recognizing my mom, “Ms. Karen it is nice to see you; it has been a while.” Mom introduced me as her daughter Jenn. Sam said, Is that you Jasmine. It has been even longer, it is nice to see you again. Do you still play the guitar?" He turns to me, "Jenn do you see we still have Joe’s old guitar since the last time they played here.”
‘Jaz’, she played the guitar in public. The waiter came over and he too remembered mom. He took orders for drinks as well as presenting the menus. Jaz ordered a strawberry daiquiri, which I had not seen Dad do before. Jaz also ordered steak medallions, salad, and baked potato. Dad may not have been the biggest guy, but he usually had a good appetite at a fancy restaurant.
Sam came back over when time permitted as they had a good business. He took an interest in me and called over his nephew Brad. He introduced us and suggested Brad invite me to dance. He was 14/15 and hesitated, thinking I was too young for him. He did ask and we did dance and he found himself liking to be with me.
I was still dancing with Brad, while Mom was dancing with Brad’s dad Charlie and Jaz had been pulled in close to Sam. Jaz was dancing well with Sam, but her eyes widened as Sam danced with her. Brad had a good time dancing and expected Charles was enjoying himself as well. After the third dance, we excused ourselves and went home. Thankfully we had not stayed too late, but it was a fun evening.
Mom paid Bridgette and made sure she got home safely, as I helped Dad get into the house undetected. Dad was thanking me for a good day and evening as Cathy came into the room without our knowledge. Dad was back to his own voice, “If you will excuse me I need to get out of these shoes and clothes.”
“Don’t forget to take off your makeup before coming out.”
Cathy spoke up to our surprise, “Is that you Daddy why do you look so pretty?” She went running to Dad and he naturally responded with a big hug and picking her up in her arms. “Dan and I found some of your pictures, I think you look cute but he said you looked too much like a mommy and Jenn.” Dad had Cathy in one arm and I took his other hand and we walked out to the family room. Dan was busy watching TV and Megan was the first to see Dad carrying Cathy. “Wow, you went to eat like that what’s up?” She came over and gave Dad a hug and they all sat down.
I called to Mom as she came back into the house. Mom was surprised to see Dad surrounded by us kids and him holding Cathy. Cathy had comfortably fallen to sleep in Dad’s arms and Mom took a picture of them. I explained how Cathy found us in their bedroom, and Cathy wasn’t surprised because it was Dan and her who found the pictures of Dad during his band days.
Megan just wanted assurance that it was Mom who dressed Dad up and did his makeup. She did agree with Cathy that he looked very pretty, even “foxy”. Dan kind of cried that he didn’t want to lose his Dad or need to dress in his sister's clothes.
Megan reminded him that he already had. “But that was just pretending, and I am not sure I want to pretend anymore. Mom suggested Dad put Cathy to bed as she got ready for work and that we could talk about things more on Saturday if that was okay.
Dad stayed dressed as a woman until he got ready for bed. Cathy woke up a little as Dad helped her to change into her pajamas and they said a prayer. She asked him to use his soft voice and to make sure she gave her a kiss. Dan was comfortable as Dad checked on him and gave him a hug and kiss good night.
Megan was in visiting with Mom as she got ready for work and Dad went back into the room. “Dad, I think you look pretty as a woman and I am glad you are happy, but I am too grown up to think this is normal. I hope we can talk about this. I am not sure if I want our friends and neighbors to know about this.”
She was happy when Mom and Dad agreed that it didn’t need to be shared. Dad walked Mom out to the car and as he gave her a good-bye hug and kiss. Mom said, “It has been a long time since I kissed you like this, but it still feels very natural to me; welcome back Jasmine. O, look under your pillow before you get ready for bed.”
I stayed up with Dad another half hour as we visited in the family room. We talked about the night, playing the guitar, and the part of him who liked looking like a girl. I joked that he should keep my makeup kit as a keepsake. He shared we needed not to get distracted from getting me started on guitar lessons.
He thought aloud about what he should do about going to work in the morning. I suggested he wear a pair of Mom’s panties, some mascara, the gold chain necklace, and his smile. He laughed. Dad found a pastel blue negligee under his pillow when he went to bed. He showered and lightly powdered himself after he dried off.
He rested so well he did not notice Cathy had come in and nestled with him in the middle of the night. While it was common enough for Cathy to do that when Mom was home, she had not usually done so with Dad. Dad was warmed at the sight, when he woke but gently got out of bed and to change out of his nightwear.
“Daddy is you ashamed of looking pretty?” He tried to explain he wasn’t ashamed, but would be embarrassed if others knew. “Would they make fun of you and us if they knew?” Dad shared it was possible though he didn’t think it should affect our family.
Dad changed into his clothes for work after having scooted Cathy off to her room. Dad did wear a new pair of mom’s panties after he had tried an older pair and found out her hips had stretched them. He also wore the gold chain of the night before and used some mascara very lightly. He had taken off the nail polish, working hard to get it all off especially around the edges.
Dad was then out and about making sure we were up and getting ready for school. It was a day Dad needed to leave a little early for work. I noticed Dad was smiling but only saw the little mascara he used.
“Dad, would you mind if I used a light pink clear polish on your fingernails?” He responded if it was flat and not shiny. I smiled and before he let me do his fingernails and I had him do Cathy and Meg’s. He smiled as I told him he “had not lost his touch.”
I guess he has a fairly large and important meeting on most Friday mornings so Maggie and the other office women said nothing more that morning than they were glad to see him smiling. The meeting ended at 11:30 and as dad dropped off work for them from the meeting.
Maggie shared they wanted to see him for lunch. Dad insisted he was either staying in his office and work or going out for lunch. Maggie suggested he could stay in his office for lunch but going out without them was not an option. Dad firmly said no to her request to go together.
Joe stayed in for a working lunch. Maggie and Kim came in after eating and pushed him away from his desk. Dad smiled, gave mock resistance and asked what they were doing. Maggie plainly told him shaping your eyebrows, putting on concealer, light on the makeup, and light grey eyeshadow.
Dad had two meetings one with Matthews and the other with Roberts and he was uncomfortable about seeing them like he was. Kim asked him to see her after his meeting with Matthews. But the eyeshadow came off for now.
When he came back she asked him to lean down and when he did, she put diamond posts into each ear, the eyeshadow was back on as Kim held up a mirror. Joe’s protest was minimal despite having a meeting shortly with Richards. “I am sure she won’t mind, but it would be good if you freshened up your appearance a little.” lol
Dad decided to leave the changes alone and to trust Kim but he asked for help in freshening up. Kimmie took dad into the women’s rest area and guided him in fixing the small stuff. Dad did some work, checked his appearance, and went to meet with Roberts.
Roberts greeted him, complimenting his smile, which made Dad suspicious. “It’s okay Joe you are safe with me,” she said. “I saw you in passing yesterday and I was looking forward to seeing you today. You were very conservative this morning's meeting; and I suspect your appearance now was a huge step in daring to trust us. I suspect you realize another woman is more likely to notice.”
“We better get our work done first before we casually talk any further.” Wanda Roberts was the division director for one project line that dad related to. She complimented him on the very good work she had come to expect and rely on him for, but stated his comments this morning and now are a bit more insightful and helpful. They talked about the difference and Wanda shared it was the expertise she had long wished for.
“Joe, this reminds me a little of when you use to play in that band or when Jasmine played behind Karen. I forgot how much you smiled and enjoyed yourself back then.” They talked a little and dad shared how I was going to take up the guitar. “So Jasmine was/is real, you just stuffed her down inside of you along with your smile.”
“I have enjoyed my kids and I wouldn’t trade what I have to go back.”
“It’s not my decision,” said Wanda, “it’s not about trading but I think you became visible again for a reason. I don’t know if everyone is ready for this. You know you have a neat family and some friends here in the office.” Wanda giggled and suggested he change into her extra outfit to go home. Besides the fact, she was at least a full size smaller and a whole different look, Joe wasn’t seriously tempted, much. “But I would like to suggest you come completely into my division. It would be a safer place if this is to continue or progress further.”
Dad left work at four, I was home from school and Mom too was at home. Karen suggested, “Honey, why don’t you take Jenn to meet the instructor; then we could meet for pizza and go to the mall.” The guitar instructor was open to meeting if I and dad could get there by 6 pm.
The Instructor was only a few miles further from the school. I liked him as he was a young band instructor and excited to have students interested in current music.
Regarding a possible band, he shared there were a number of girls he knew within 3 years of my age interested in a cross of contemporary pop, rock, and country music. He suggested any band if they wanted to be hired needed to play a variety of music as well as develop their own sound. Two of the girls played keyboard as well as piano, two played guitars, and two others at school played brass.
Travis asked if my parents were musically inclined. I told him my dad had played in guitar in a band in high school and college, and my mom sang and also could play piano and keyboard. He asked what group my dad played with and he smiled when I said “White Waters”.
“Are you Joe Stamps' daughter? I hear he was very good and very out of sight.” Dad made the mistake of saying “Thank you.” Travis nearly choked but quickly recovered.
“Woe man, you fit your crazy legend. Too bad you and your daughter weren’t born in reverse order.”
A week ago I would have been freaked by such comments but in the last 72 hours, I became delighted to see a neat and long-hidden side of my parents, especially my Dad. Travis asked Jasmine if she could play and they jammed two songs together with me trying to finger along on my guitar.
We met the others at Pizza Hut and Cathy shared with the waitress that Jasmine was her favorite Aunt. “Aunt Jasmine is almost as beautiful as my mommy, don’t you agree?” The waitress giggled and agreed.
Mom had us stop at the mall after eating and asked me to take the youngest two to the toys and games section. I protested, but she shared I had better control of the little ones. Megan deserved some time with her Dad. Dad’s face, a mixture of joy and fear, came over his face as Mom shared; she Jaz needs to get some clothes. Dad looked like a little girl embarrassed as she shopped for her first bra.
Megan thought it was cute as Mom got Jasmine to open up about what she liked and disliked before a young saleswoman. The saleswoman was quite professional and measured Jasmine, sharing with her, “You know it is easier for me to picture you as a potential thoroughbred instead of a tomboy. Maybe if you ever have children your hips will develop a bit more. I know we see that among women with their breasts as well as their hips.”
She encouraged Jaz to be comfortable in being herself. They picked out two skirts, three tops, and two dresses. Most of which Mom could wear as well. Hearing Dad’s size Megan picked out two pairs of designer jeans.
Dad made sure Mom and all the kids got something as well. Dan had a surprise request. Mom smiled and looked at Jasmine then at Dan, “Dan, it's not that you can’t but you should think twice about doing this. We can come back another time if it would be what you want.”
I, Jenn smiled, and with Mom’s approval took him by the hand and the two dresses to the girls’ dressing room. I gave Dan a kiss on his cheek, a pair of panties, his dress as well as my suggested alternative.
I stayed outside his changing room to brush his hair to a bit of a feminine look, as well as a light touch of lipstick. Danni went out and while the dress was pretty, one check in the mirror and Dan realized it was not right for him. He was going to change back into his own clothes.
When he stepped out of the dress, I dangled a chemise to go over his head and rest on his shoulders. Then had Danni to step into the skirt that I chose and then put on the blouse. He looked closely in the mirror and complained the chemise was showing. I asked him to step back and see how it all looked. Impressed he said, “I could be Cathy’s older sister in this.”
“I think we should call you Denise Stamps when you look like this. Now go out there and show the others you can be one of the girls.” Dan walked out and asked, “How do I look, I'm Denise Stamps?” Mom giggled and gave her a hug, “I’m afraid there will be five girls of us from time to time.” We made our purchases and went back home.
When we got home Mom suggested the rest of us get ready for bed and make sure we got to bed at the right time. She took Daddy into their room and locked the door, which meant we were to leave them alone.
She suggested, “Jaz why don’t you shower and we have some time together.” Dad did as suggested; Mom followed him into the shower. It was to get him to wash and condition his hair as she wanted. I knew what she was going to do because she had asked me to get some curlers and the hairdryer out after Meg turned in.
I made sure Dan and Cathy were in bed sleeping but other than to encourage Meg to bed was only asking for trouble. Megan was in her room and reading while listening to music or talking to friends. Mom had gotten Dad into some panties and a nice negligee and gave him her robe but hadn’t let him brush out his wet hair.
She pulled him to the kitchen and once Dad saw the stuff he knew what Mom planned to do his hair. The chair she used for doing hair sat up high enough that Dad’s feet did not rest on the floor but a footrest. As Mom worked on the hair she referred to him as Jaz or “her” and Dad accommodatingly went along with it all.
Mom had gotten all the curlers in and placed the dryer cap over his head before she asked me what the color of his panties was. Without a second thought, I said pink and started to apologize when she asked me the design. “I’m not sure if it was Pooh or just bears.”
I want you to stop looking but after your Dad’s out from under the dryer, I will ask you again. “She needs to learn the lesson of keeping her legs, and robe together.” I smiled and said, “You are mean.” “Better his daughter than someone thinking he is advertising for a good time.”
She told me she was taking Jaz for one more thing in the morning and hoped to be back by noon or two at the latest. She was leaving me in charge. She also shared come tomorrow the extra girls would come out only for special occasions.
I asked Mom about Dan for tomorrow. She told me she hoped he would be himself. But if he wanted to be Denise find something old of Meg’s to wear and he'd have to play in one of their rooms. Denise is not to be fantasizing in her own room, nor answering the door or going outside. That is not a suggestion but the law.
Dad was now out from under the dryer and as Mom took out the curlers and combed out Jaz’s hair she asked me the color of his panties and its design. Jaz blushed a deep red, then started to get angry when Mom interceded.
“Hold it young woman; if you want to dress as a woman, you need to act like a woman. Don’t blame her it was you being so careless. It’s hard not to see pink panties under a yellow negligee. A young woman should sit with her legs and robe closed.” I apologized and then my Dad apologized to me.
Morning came early for Dad as she needed to get used to getting up early to get herself ready for the day ahead. Dad had enjoyed himself with Mom. I don’t want to think about that but getting up early was a surprise.
Staying in girl mode was also new as well. Dad was in a skirt just above his knees a light pastel blouse and a button-down sweater that was worn open. Halfway to the city, they stopped for a light breakfast of a roll and coffee.
After that Mom found the turn and street and drove six blocks to TransFormation Cosmetics. “We didn’t need to come all this way for cosmetics did we?” was Dad’s response.
Mom simply replied, “You won’t believe the difference they make.” She had rushed out of the car and was pulling him into the store before he realized what it really was and refused to go in. They first met a receptionist and mom shared they had a 10:30 appointment. They were led back to a large application/exam room. Dad was asked to strip down to her panties and bra and put on a light exam garment.
Dr. Carothers came in shortly, she was perky and all of 30 years of age. Dad was a bit embarrassed to have a woman younger than him examining him. She asked a number of questions including how long he had been cross-dressing.
He shared to Mom’s surprise that he had begun so around 8. Mom thought he meant eight years ago and shared she thought he had started to experiment when he was with a band some 14-16 years ago.
Marci Carothers looked to Dad and he confirmed he was eight years old when he first started to crossdress. A warm smile came over Mom as she understood this started way before the band and college. Dr. Carothers asked Mom to wait for them in one of the waiting rooms.
She asked dad to stand in front of her and to take off his bra and panties, which he did, but not without a reaction from his penis being aroused.
She got up and got Jaz a pill and some water, “This will stop this from occurring during the exam, but it still leaves us with a hard problem here and now.” She took him over to a model of a vagina and asked him after she left the room to have some fun and she would be back when he was done.
He didn’t think he could perform like that. She asked him if he found women attractive. Dad did not answer but after she left him with the machine. He saw a viewing screen and he had no trouble. She had him sign a sheet for a lab test to be performed and then him to check an area if they could use or save his sperm for sperm donation.
She led Jasmine back to the application table and started brushing a thick solution onto his chest to down and around between his legs. She gave it about five minutes to set and then began pulling it off and taking any and all body hair with it. While it felt like small pinches and pinpricks, the sensation was manageable. Marci drew his hand over his body to feel the difference.
She then brought out three plastic containers of breast forms and using a flat-screen monitor to show his body and how the different size breasts and styles would look on him. Jaz selected the B+ size with a two once differential to help them appear more natural.
She then showed a program on the monitor on applying a vagina gaffe. Though dad said he would not use one, she showed him the program and that he should make the decision to do it with Karen before she fitted him. The gaffe was so realistic that it could receive up to 8” of a man up into it.
Marci had dad lie down as she applied the breast forms and then asked her if she wanted to talk to Karen before being fitted for the vagina gaff. Dad looked at Marci realizing she did not say ‘if’ he was to be fitted. “Your wife thinks there is a strong likelihood that emotions and thoughts may tempt you more than you can stand to experience an intimate experience with a man.”
Dad's eyes teared, as he asked for Karen but not so he could talk about the decision. He already agreed to be fitted but shared he needed her comfort and support. “I am afraid she might be right, but I can’t do this behind her back,” Marci called for Karen to come in.
“She is okay, I am not sure if she wants you more as a wife or a mommy. I think it is a bit of both. So if you would please hold her hand. She has just consented on her own to have the vagina gaff applied.
Karen took Jaz's hand saying “I think it is best, especially since she has seen herself as a girl so long... My agreement Jaz is not without a bit of reservation and not as encouragement.” She gave Jaz a soft feminine kiss.
“I am sorry to interrupt you,” Dr. Marci said, “But you should learn how to put this on yourselves, I think more than men are going to be interested in this pretty woman.” It fit so Jasmine would actually pee like an ordinary woman.
Once the transformation was done Jaz was told to get dressed. Karen had replaced the pullover sweater with another blouse but this one had a plunging neckline and showed Jasmine’s breasts. Dr. Marci visited with them both another half hour. Some time was to remind Jasmine she needed to practice safe sex.
“Wow, you look even more delicious than you did before Jaz,” giggled Karen. “Let’s get a light lunch and then we need to get back to a new normal.”
There was a tea room Karen always wanted to stop at as a couple and she thought with Jaz along it would be a good time as any. They both ordered small chef salads and different herb teas. Jaz would have ordered a large salad and at least half a sandwich, but even her mind and appetite were in girl mode.
“So what is our new normal going to be,” she asked?
Karen wanted to keep up the girl talk, but there would be time for that on the way back. “That is for us both to decide; I am enjoying my time with you but I was thinking about tomorrow and ongoing.
"Jenn’s new interest in the guitar needs to get in gear and worked into her busy life. While I am glad things are out in the open. I hope they don’t redefine our normal lives that much but are incorporated into special times. What are some of your thoughts?”
“While I am enjoying my new renaissance, I kind of agree. Personally, I feel a need to step back, but I think it’s also time for me to bring the guitar and keep it out. I want to thank you for letting me be me and be seen as Jaz. I don’t want to stuff her away, but I think we need to figure out what our new normal is. For me, I feel that is mostly Joe, Dad, husband, work, etc.”
Karen, “I wouldn’t mind a fall weekend away with you if we could get a grandparent to watch the kids. I think Jaz is someone you and I need to get comfortable with again. Be it with you as Joe or Jasmine I would like to sing again, not out in public, but I would like our children seeing more of us together.”
“I think that would be nice, I would enjoy that…”
“But, but I am already ahead of you. Our last stop is to get Jaz her own guitar.” Interestingly enough her little mind-reading exercise drew us back into girl talk. It was something that happened years ago as well, where Jaz and Karen visited in a different way from Joe and Karen.
We stopped at a place going out of the city and purchased Jaz a six-string bass guitar. It was a good guitar but more basic than what Joe would buy. We spent more time selecting how it looked with Jaz and the colors white, red, and touches of black. We bought some mikes and an amplifier/speaker system for singing for Karen and the family.
When we got back Cathy and Dan were over at neighbor playing as Meg and Jenn were working to get the house back together some. Both girls liked Jaz’s new look but Meg insisted and Jenn agreed Jaz should change tops before the little ones got to see her.
As Jaz left for the bedroom, Jenn patted her on the butt and said, “I am glad you and mom used good taste.” The understanding was I didn’t go for big breasts.
Dan came home and changed back to a Denise outfit. During dinner, we visited how things were to be. Jaz and Denise were for special occasions but not all of them. Music was back into the family activities, but we needed to work as a family to make it work.
Come Sunday morning Dad was glad that things came off, his hair shampooed back to normal and Joe was back, but not to normal, the smile stayed on his face. Seemingly, Mom had a good time with Jaz and Dad and her smile almost glowed too much.
During worship, they asked for volunteers for special music for November around the theme of community and friendship. I had one I was practicing for a chorus program, so I raised my hand and asked if it would be appropriate to sing “He Ain’t Heavy He’s My Brother.”
After church, I was asked if I had music for the accompanist. I asked if it was okay if my father accompanied me on a guitar. The music people and other members were surprised. You could see written on their faces, “You mean Normal Joe.” Dad suggested it would be better if I would ask him first the next time I volunteered him.
The following day was a little awkward, as I had guitar practice after school. While I knew it was okay to keep the guitar in the band room, Mr. Hooper was a little upset he was not my instructor.
I am sure it was a bit awkward for Dad as he went to work with no hint of his feminine side. He said it was like living in two worlds as Wanda and the office women wanted to see and know more, while the others we clueless.
Dad did make the mistake of telling Wanda a week later our mom was back singing again. Wanda shared the news with Mrs. Dole the wife of the CEO. She was hosting a pre-holiday social for women but did not want it stuffy or dependent upon men.
The idea of a girl band was starting to form but mostly between Rhonda and me. Julie and Misty came in on the conversation in November. Dad helped to bring me along a little faster helping once a week and on weekends. I was glad the other girls did not know of Jaz, as they thought dad's playing was cool and we should use him some way. Misty and I both had voices capable of singing lead, Julie and Rhonda were both more than adequate to sing background and neither wanted to be a lead singer.
During the past weeks, their outward appearance became one of joy...
It did not show the eruption of pent-up emotions inside. Joe had pushed deep down...
Only Karen would see that part of him now and then...
This chapter will include a fairly erotic episode, quite apart from their new normal...
and not the expected couple/family next door…
A new normal is likely to come, but the bumps and turns getting there might...
It was a bit awkward for Dad as he went to work Monday with no hint of his feminine side showing. He said it was like living in two worlds as Wanda and the office women wanted to see and know more of Jaz, while most others there were clueless that anything had changed with Normal Joe.
Dad did make the mistake of telling Wanda later in the week that our mom was singing again. Wanda shared the news with Mrs. Dole, the wife of the CEO. She hosts a pre-holiday social for women but did not want it to appear to be an event for stuffy older women, dependent upon men.
My idea of a girl band started to take form, mostly between Rhonda and me. Julie and Misty came in on the conversation in November. I urged Dad to help me to bring it along my guitar playing a little faster helping me once a week and on weekends. He would now go out of his way to take time for me. I'm glad the girls did not know of Jaz, as they already thought Dad's playing was cool and we should use him some way. Misty and I both had voices capable of leading a song; Julie and Rhonda’s voices were geared more to sing background, though each found one or two songs that fit their style to sing as the lead.
Mom and Dad have their weekend away already set. Jaz, however, took Mom on a dinner/dance date Wednesday night. Unfortunately for Dad, no one caught the eye makeup he missed or the lingering fragrance of his perfume as he went to work Thursday morning.
Neither were obvious or noticed by most, but both Maggie and Wanda the two most likely to take advantage did notice. Dad's now obligated to be dressed as a woman to an office party and to play his guitar.
Mom went in to register them in the resort hotel and Dad's to be Jasmine from Friday dinner until they got home Sunday evening. When Grandma Stamps would get to see her long-forgotten daughter Jazmine. Fortunately, Grandpa was clueless about why there were so many women’s clothes pack for the weekend.
Joe/Jaz
I was back to liking myself and enjoying life more. The music alone enlivened my soul. While I always loved Karen and enjoyed being a dad, I had conformed myself to stereotypical images and set them on myself in a stifling way. The result was I had lost my smile and a deeper sense of joy for life. In terms of the movie Hook, I like Peter had become a ‘pirate’ at heart.
I enjoyed finding a new normal where my appearance to most others I appeared as 'Joe' with a smile, but my smile and joy were alive again. I was not as successful in keeping Jaz down as we had planned. I didn’t know she was a ticking bomb ready to go off.
My life's not self-centered, I enjoyed being there for my children, family and even at work there was a new spark of imagination and pride in what I was doing. While Maggie and others reminded me that Jaz was alive and closer to the surface. I convinced myself I was very much in control and Jaz was out of sight for most.
My weekend away with Karen was almost all Jaz, which surprised me though I enjoy it immensely. I changed to being Jaz Friday night for dinner, dressed up we enjoyed a nice dinner in the main dining room. Karen's most beautiful, but as she reminds me, we both turned heads as we were ushered to our table. It was a very nice start to a weekend on our own.
The first thing Saturday, we went for a walk. We enjoyed it like two girlfriends getting back together, visiting and enjoying one another’s company. Then we used the fitness room, as we like working out together but rarely get the chance. While I was in decent shape, it took a great effort to go stride for stride with Karen, and alas I was not able. Despite a sports bra, during my workout, the breasts weigh upon my chest and made the workout more difficult as well as adding some discomfort.
We showered and together and we went window shopping around Peddlers’ Village. There were many specialty shops, with most of the shops and merchandise focused on us women. I found myself enjoying shopping more than ever.
Karen helped me with experiences I was having, be they enjoyable, overwhelming or uncomfortable. Karen also related some things to me as a woman. I asked about help in my understanding of our daughters. I heard and learned about the interest and experiences Megan and Jennifer were and would be going through.
We had lunch together and received the interest of at least six men who wanted us to sit with us and have the focus of their affections. Karen found this more amusing than I did. She asked one set of men “Is it too early for a slow dance?” One of them asked if there was a pianist in the house, so we danced. She thanked the men saying “I hope we see you tonight.” With that, I got up, paid our bill and we were on our way.
We went back to the room and rested, and Karen showed me the erogenous zones on a woman’s body. Several I responded quite well too, but I asked, “Why in the world would you show them on me?”
She said, “I would like you to reprogram your mind to respond to me more as a woman when you're Jasmine.” She was a little upset when I suggested she wanted me to learn to fake it. “No, but I expect that is typical of your male thinking. But I've read and researched this and what I am saying for some men it comes quicker than others. It may take a while but that it is worth it. I have talked to my gynecologist and been on the internet.”
Joe responded, “You talked to your gynecologist about me?”
Karen warmly said, “You could if you want, I am sure she would be comfortable talking to you directly; but yes I talk to her for me and as a mother. Our daughters are coming into womanhood. It is happening earlier now.”
“Yes, I mentioned you as well; it is important that my Dr. knows what is going on in my life so she can be aware of possibilities. She said you would be wise to do the same. If you aren't sharing this with your doctor, she actually advised that you schedule both an exam and consultation time with her.”
While I was a bit upset; Karen and I had said many times, “Ignorance and denial make for poor medical decisions and relations as a couple.”
I asked, “Would you be willing to call and schedule the appointment for me…"
"I think not, but I would be willing to remind you Tuesday if you would want.”
After a little rest, Karen told me to put on some comfortable clothes that went on and off easy for our next activity. We walked across the grounds to a spa and Karen told them we were there for massages. We were well into the hour-long massage and Darci was working on my legs. I had been having sensual feelings since early in the massage but kept them under control.
I imagined myself as the woman I appeared to be and that Darci massaging was arousing me. I was on my tummy and felt myself getting more and more excited. I thought I had control when suddenly my body shook and my gaff was oozing.
Darci calmly asked me to roll over as she helped take off my panty and helped me cleaned myself before we got ready to continue. She wiped down the table and placed a towel and asked me to roll back into place. We finished the massage now taking a good 75 minutes.
Then Darci asked me to roll back on my stomach. “I was asked by Karen if you got excited like you did if I would give you an added treatment. So relax and while you can tell me to stop, I hope you are a willing participant and will be a happy customer.”
Darci had me raise myself and placed a pillow underneath me so my butt was a little higher in the air. “This is a body lubricant and it may at times feel warm and have other pleasing feelings associated with it." She placed it strategically and then used an applicator to squeeze some gel into my anal opening. Let me know if the sensations get too much or if you want me to stop.
I looked over to Karen as she had a warm smile on her face. I thought she might be laughing but there was only tenderness in her eyes and her caring smile. She was now up and holding my hand and placing her head near to my ear. I am sure she knew her warm breath and nibbles on my ear felt very nice as well as her words were pleasing to me.
Darci shared she had a small dildo she was pushing into me. “That one went in easily and didn’t do much; the next will be a little larger and has a penis-shaped head on it. Does that feel more sensual to you?” Does she really expect me to be answering? It did feel very satisfying, but I wasn’t speaking up.
“You don’t need to answer, your smile indicates yes and your complexion says it is a little embarrassing. I happen to think you are lucky to have someone thinking of you and not just herself.” She drew that one out after a while and used one more a bit thicker and longer.
She told me, “It looks like you would be able to handle an 8” cock comfortably.” She also showed me the width of the dildo. “The wider the dildo, the shorter the time you will be comfortable wanting it in there. The longer it is in the more you will want to do a good clean up afterward and be sure to use a feminine pad or shield afterward, until you can shower or bathe properly.”
“I thank you for being such a cooperative young woman. May I ask if you enjoyed the massage and our little time in the end?” I said yes and then she asked me to rate my experience on a scale of 1-10. Without thought, my response was an embarrassing 9+.
She gave me a complimentary pink panty and bra set. Karen already had on a white set that she looked very sexy in.
We went back to our room and rested as they suggested after a good massage. Despite so many feelings going on inside of me I quickly fell asleep and woke up well over an hour later.
Karen had awakened earlier and now had on a negligee and was joining me back in bed and was climbing on me. She nibbled a breast and waited for my head to respond. Then she made her way up to my neck and earlobes. Where I am truly sensitive.
I checked for my panties, but Karen lifted them in her left hand “Grrr… little girl.” My hands went up to her breasts and began to caress her and her nipples grew wider then harder. She asked me to relax and enjoy myself.
I felt a hand on the inside of my leg and I could feel my body respond no little bit. We had made love before and I knew I was sensitive there but as her lips caressed them the enjoyment of Jaz came forward, a feeling was growing beyond what I had known. Her hands were behind one knee and at the small of my back. I whispered, “No fair, no fair.”
She responded, “So you want me to stop Jasmine?” No. “I can’t hear Jasmine?”
“Please don’t” Jaz responded, “Please, don’t stop.”
“Is it okay if I make love to you, Jasmine; it’s been a long time.”
Karen kind of sat up and was doing something, and she asked me to place a pillow under my lower back. As I did I felt her fingers lubricating my butt and tears were coming to my eyes. She had me raise my legs and keep them wide. I lightly cried “I love you Karen, but I, I'm afraid.” Karen had strapped on a dildo and guided herself to my opening then brought her body down upon me.
“It’s okay Jasmine, I love you too and I want to love you like I love Joe.” She pushed the head of the penis to my opening. “Relax young lady, I love you and I want to be the first person going into you.” She pushed a little more and then needed to push a bit firmer to penetrate.
The head of her penis was in me and now she pushed slowly, talking to me as she went. “I want this to be a joyful time for you to remember.” I moaned and purred as I was enjoying her being inside me.
My hands slid to her hips, and she knew when to stop. She started to pull back, and I was afraid that was it. Then she asked me to let her know when the head was near the opening.
When I did and she began back in and then out and we're soon in rhythm, Karen was aroused and she was growing in excitement but she pauses and asked me if I had my head in my vagina. It was then I realized I too was getting excited that this was a new experience for me.
Her body began to shake and move, more and more, so did mine. We were both having an orgasm, but I didn't cum like a man. I wondered if the orgasm was real, and then decided it was just in my head. But Karen did not stop and she was holding my hips as she continued to bring us both to another, deeper orgasm.
This time I was ejaculating and I could feel my cum squirt out and between our bodies. She slid a finger through it and brought it up for me to taste. I licked it off her fingers time and again.
She had pulled out of me and was lying on top of me and we just laid there for a good while. She reached to the side as she sat up and put more gel on my hole and her penis.
I arched my back to help her and she found me again. Her penis felt warm, I suspect it was the gel and my body was aching in anticipation. How could it, it was just the second time. I was Jasmine and I knew it was my body aching, not Joe’s.
This time she again was nice to me, though a bit rougher. “Let me know if you are having…” She did not need me to tell her she knew a woman’s body and she read me well what I was feeling. I began to shake and feel an orgasm coming, she reached down and then I felt her coming into me and my orgasm soared. I held her as she shook and I kept moving for her enjoyment. But how was she coming into me?
This time as she laid on me as we kissed passionately more and more as we rolled around the bed. It was barely seven and we had made love for a good hour.
I wanted to take time to please Karen, but she shared she was too hungry. Then she whispered in my ear, “I had no shortage of enjoyment.”
She pushed me out of bed and slapped me on the butt to get in the shower and start with my private parts. After a while, she joined me and lathered me again with some perfumed soap. It took an effort to wash her and to make sure it was in a gentle and pleasing way. “Very well done Jasmine, you could give Joe some lessons.”
I was out first patting myself dry and wrapping my hair until Karen could help me. I found a black lace bra and panty set and knew by the size they were mine. She had out a little black dress to go with it.
The stockings needed to go on with garter straps. It was my first time wearing them and the silk stockings were driving me wild. My shoes were a four-inch heel, red shoes with a black glittering strip across the top. I was into my concealer and foundation when Karen caught up to me.
She now unwrapped the towel from my hair, and with a brush and blower worked on my hair. There was a red gem clip that went into my hair and a matching set of gold earrings with red stones that had a matching necklace that went along with them. She told me to finish my makeup, complimenting how well I was doing.
She had on a dazzling little red cocktail dress. She had some of her hair pinned up in curls and other curls cascading down her head and shoulders. She had diamond earrings and necklace.
We might have been a bit over the top, but we were having a party of two.
It was 8:30 by the time we got to the dining room but we're a smidge early for Karen’s reservation. The maitre de and the waiter both asked if we wanted to be disturbed. Karen told them not during the meal but we would entertain their request near the end of the meal.
Both said it was a wise choice and they would make sure there were no interruptions. We had a casual meal of wine, salad, soup, and small entrées. Come the after-dinner coffee the waiter shared he had two sets of men who wanted to join us.
Karen shared, "We want an enjoyable evening but with respectful men hopefully attractive. The waiter smiled and said he had already weeded out others. Karen said “We will trust your choice and please tell the other men thanks but we already had been expecting two men but we are flattered.
“My you truly are ladies, respectful of your men as well as asking for respect as you want to have an enjoyable evening.”
The men, James and Chad, casually came and asked to sit with us and they bought the after-dinner drinks. Before we went to the dance lounge the men picked up the tab for our meal.
Karen shared that it was nice, but nicely communicated we only intend to enjoy a short time of dancing before we called it a night. One man asked how short that might be? Karen responded, "We're not geriatric cases, but that decision will be ours."
Karen and I each enjoyed a Grasshopper, before we went with the men to dance. They're truly nice men, probably in their early thirties. One's a basketball coach enjoying himself before the season was underway. James and Chad were both good-looking, nicely built men, and a bit taller than us.
Karen told me to remember to give the waiter an extra tip when we saw him tomorrow. I took the time to tip him tonight.
It was an hour into our dancing that Karen informs me we were going to the ladies’ room. She could tell I was taken by the coach's attention and after I had refreshed my makeup she gave me some items to place in my purse. One was a condom and the other was two panty shields. “You know you shouldn't need the condom, but it will look good that you are prepared for safe sex, and no oral sex unless it is you doing him.” I couldn't believe what she was saying as I had no intention of having sex tonight.
She did say, “If you go with him, I feel free to do the same.” I told her while it felt tempting, I was certain I would not do anything.
It was over an hour later with two more drinks in me and his rubbing next to me that my mind changes. Chad had gotten up and I thought we were going to dance once more, but Chad said, “If you two don’t mind we will excuse ourselves.” He took my hand and I found myself standing up to go with him.
He shared he had a separate room from James. When he wrapped his arm around me I found myself going with him. Karen only made sure I had a room key. She told Chad he needed to be nice or he would have to answer to her for it.
As we were walking past the band when I asked one of them, if I could try his guitar, I was stalling for time and hoping to come to my senses. The guitarist said, "Yes but only if you know how to play." I asked what the next song was, I played a few cords and then asked if he had a song from five years earlier.
The leader asked jokingly, "BST, or something safer?" I started the tune for Spinning Wheels. Two songs later I decided I had delayed things enough. Playing the guitar had actually excited me even more and worked against changing my decision.
It was sometime after midnight when we settled into Chad’s room. I went into the bathroom to undress as I told Chad I was shy and had never done this. He offered me a short robe to wear back. I undressed and checked my purse to refresh my lipstick.
I could not believe Karen had fit into it my pink panty and bra set from earlier in the day. I slipped into them and went out and scooted under the covers with Chad. He was nice and told me I didn’t need to do anything. I was happy that my expensive boobs warmed up and changed in appearance.
I had no trouble putting my girl head into what was happening. When Chad rolled over onto me I was both excited and scared of being a girl on her first time. I felt guilty as a husband but I knew it might be my only time with a nice guy. I did remember that the gaff had an extra room and was cushioned to give a guy the feeling of going up inside of me.
When Chad pushed himself into my vagina it bumped into a membrane-like object that with just a bit more pressure broke. Chad realized then he had an inexperienced woman and he worked to give me a good experience. I felt good that he knew how to treat a woman. He made love to me twice in the first hour, we rested for a while then Chad went to clean himself.
I did the same after him, but as I got back into bed and Chad kissed me I felt a desired to love him orally. His cock was a good size and I was hoping this would be my first and last time. Chad shared he was not sure he could not stay awake. Seemingly I excited him enough that he had no trouble.
I could not believe it, there it was a guys cock hard and swelled up staring me in the face. I had thought it would be gross as I kissed him, licked him, but with each step I was more excited. I began to swallow him and meant to do it enough to have the experience, but was not sure I could have him explode into my mouth.
But as I made my way down his shaft I thought of swallowing him whole. I gag easily but had read to relax and to breathe through my nose. No, I wasn’t doing this but he was only halfway in and at the back of my throat. I moved to position myself and I took two deep breaths and moved him down into my throat. I wanted to gag but I stopped and caught another breath or two. I figured I had two more inches and I would be to the end of his cock.
I heard Chad say wow and I was pleased. Chad was excited and I felt his cock throb in my throat. I came back up off him and Chad shared I had pleased him enough. I asked, “Do you mean you do not want me to do you?” He couldn’t honestly say that and so I swallowed him again and we got into a rhythm and he did not only burst inside me but he had an orgasm.
I swallowed from the beginning and made my way out enjoying him as much as I could. I was in danger of dripping and I swallowed a big time. Then I made my way up to kiss him and give him a taste of himself. I went back into the bathroom rinsed my mouth used his mouthwash and went back out to him. I put my panties and bra on and we snuggled up together as we fell asleep.
It was 5 a.m. when I went to the bathroom and dressed to leave the room. I gave him a kiss as I left and made my way back to our room. I unlocked the door when I heard someone coming down the hall. I was too embarrassed to look but soon discovered as I was leaning against the inside of the door and it was Karen.
I was ashamed as I felt I forced the last part of the evening on both of us. I started to hug and cry with Karen and she treated it as the last dance of the evening. “Please, Jasmine, do not discount the memory of this evening. You are my wife and husband. I knew the time would come for Jasmine to have this experience.”
She unzipped the back of my dress and unsnapped my bra. “Go take care of your make-up and skin and let’s get to bed.”
=^..^=
It was 8:30 a.m. when the phones began to ring. I got to mine first and answered as Jaz. “It’s a good thing that your mother didn’t call you or you would have some explaining." Karen was on her phone talking to Meg. "So how has your weekend been going, I don’t suppose you and Mom are going to church this morning.”
I told her, “It is not out of the question, but I don’t think we will make it."
"So what did you do last night did you have any fun?"
"Well what didn’t we do, we painted the town having a great time with each other and then found some men to pay for our dinner, went dancing, playing the guitar, and making out. Well, we did eat, we had a good day together and overall things went well.”
She said, “Thanks Dad, a simple answer will suffice in the future. If you did do something wild I am not sure I would want you telling us.”
The hotel phone began to ring. “Jenn, I have a message to get from the front desk, so I will need to let you go. Hope to see you after 3 and before 6 p.m. Love all of you.”
I then picked up the hotel phone and called the front desk to get a message. “This is Jasmine do you have a message for Karen or me?”
The Manager came on the phone asking for a big favor. “Our sister resort across the road has a Wedding reception at 1 pm and there is a big problem with music that has the wedding couple broken-hearted. Their DJ/Master of Ceremonies has come down drunk and sick and will not be here for them.
Friends of the family, Chad, and James said one of you is a very good musician and with our pianist might be able to fit the bill and save this couple from total embarrassment and a lousy start to their married life. We would appreciate it if you could help them and us out. We would make it worth your while.”
"Their wedding ceremony is part of a worship service this morning at 10:00 and the Reception will begin at one p.m.. They would at least like to be able to dance together and have some entertainment for their guests. They are a young couple who will be going to Africa for mission work as an agricultural specialist and a nurse this coming month for at least three years.”
“Stop, stop… We would be willing to help but it has been years since either of us did a wedding reception and if this is a religious couple I am not sure they want us, though we are people of faith… Would we have your pianist or the one at the other resort?”
“Your choice!”
It would be your piano player then. We need to meet with the couple sometime, to make sure they want us and we know some things about them. I am not much of a singer, but Karen can do a good job but neither of us has practiced and we do not want to embarrass ourselves or the couple.”
We arranged for the couple to cut short their riding around to visit with us. The room was a bit reluctant to trust us seeing we were two women. Coach Chad was a friend of the Bride’s and she was trusting his word.
Brittany was a registered nurse and Kevin was an environmentalist and agriculturalist set to serve a little known third world country. They were quite spirited in the best meaning of the word. They had faith but they also liked to celebrate and have fun.
Karen and I had both been to Africa and so we knew that in many areas dance and songs played important roles in faith and the daily life of its people. Karen shared if Brittany was in a village and the women danced for their husbands and would ask her to dance with them she should and then make love with her husband that evening. She should do so even if she wasn't on birth control.
Brittany lightly giggled and then smiled and affirmed that she would.
Kevin was not sure if the two of us being older could deliver lively music. Karen asked me to give a demonstration of my ability to play the guitar. Kevin, to say the least, was impressed. We went over several songs as possibilities for their first dance, their dance with the parents and then the bridal party.
Brittany had a newer song she wanted for their dance. I shared we needed to hear it and also needed a copy of the words. We had fun songs like “Another One Bites the Dust”. The couple had lowered their expectations regarding their music and the reception, but was now hoping for 3-10 songs would be possible.
We played for three hours with short breaks. The reception turned from a disaster to a huge success, better than first planned. Brittany thanked us for the difference and Karen calmly asked if they had prayed when the problem surfaced; to which their answer was yes. We said, "We are happy to be part of the answer to your prayer. But I believe it is God to whom we need to give thanks and praise.
The last half hour Britt had invited Karen and me to her changing area where she full-heartedly conveyed her appreciation. One of her Bridesmaids was a transgendered cousin and she commented on how we treated her with dignity. We conveyed we were happy that she honored her cousin to be in the wedding and stood by their convictions of unconditional love.
Brittany had fallen out of her bra as she changed and we both complimented how well she was blessed with her bra running over. Come time to leave we were presented with a $500 check which we signed over to them for program money to be used in their ministry work. When that was announced several hats were passed around to match the gift. We did not stay to see if that was achieved.
With the packing of the guitar, the car was packed and we were ready to leave. Unfortunately, Joe’s change of clothes was not handy, nor was there a place to change that we would not likely be seen by members of the wedding reception. It took us just over an hour to get home so it was after 6 pm., that we got home.
When we got home Karen went in first taking a bag with our gifts for the family; figuring that would give me a chance to enter near to our room. Wearing heels, I tried to bring in my guitar along with a handful of bags. Somehow as I opened the door to our room I hit the guitar case against the door frame, a package shifted and I crashed down on the floor in the room. But in the way of the door to close properly.
Everyone including my mom came to see if I was alright. Mom was taken back seeing I dressed as Jaz while hearing Cathy and Dan talking normally to me. I looked up and batted my eyelashes at her. She said, “That Cute Little Girl routine may suit you but it warrants a good explanation.”
There was little discussion then, but Mom shared she wanted to visit both with Karen and me, but not necessarily at the same time. She said, “I felt guilty that I never talked to you Karen about this.”
Come Tuesday Karen reminded me to call her gynecologist for an appointment and consultation. Karen shared she needed a minimum three days notice to get her schedule changed. I waited until 10 am and called. While it was unsettling I felt it was a cakewalk compared to going there for the appointment.
I asked and then waited to speak to Dr. Harper’s head nurse. I explained to her I was Joe Stamps, Karen’s husband, and wanted to meet with Dr. Harper as I needed to meet with a doctor and share concerns I had. I didn't want to say anything more, but the nurse insisted unless it was unusual I should see my regular doctor. I swallowed hard as I told her, "I'm transgendered and I'm too embarrassed to talk with my own doctor."
I was told by the nurse, “Dr. Marcia Harper would be open to meeting with you if you agreed for her to be Jasmine’s doctor in this matter. Marci suggested you come as Jasmine for an appointment and some tests with a consultation the following week.
I stated, "My wife needs a three-day notice to change her schedule."
Nurse Terri said “That will work out as she would not be needed for the initial appointment. If you want her at the consultation it would give Karen plenty of time to make her adjustment. We have a cancellation that opened a time Thursday at 3:30 pm. and we can schedule the consultation for a week after that."
Chapter 4
Jenn
My guitar lessons were going well as Travis gave me lessons and I practiced daily as I could and jammed with Dad at least twice a week picking up a chord sequence here and there. Dad became my biggest fan and encouragement. He would usually use the bass guitar when we jammed and his acoustical guitar if he was trying to teach me something.
He came home from work one day announcing he had volunteered us to help at the CEO’s women’s social in November. I shared with Dad that it would be Jaz accompanying me if that was okay. It really wasn’t offered as an option.
Wanda communicated directly to me and shared while my first song was a nice safe piece, she suggested something more upbeat and affirming of being a woman. There was a country ballet we agreed to. I shared Jasmine would accompany me, but if I was able I too would be playing guitar as well. She assured me that would be super with Mrs. Doyle.
Dad was happy as Travis helped me in ways my Dad hadn't. While Dad became my fan and encouragement, Mom would take time as well on the keyboard…After my parents’ weekend away, things were going back to a new normal. It was nice to see Dad in the new light of what I knew…“When Jaz impersonates a singer she does pretty good; give her another song and she jumps to impersonate another singer or sang back-up.” Mom demonstrated that reality for us kids and Dad singing on his own was classified as “cruel and unusual punishment.” Tough with Joe/Jaz smiling both improved significantly over time.)
Joe/Jaz
Come Tuesday Karen reminded me to call her gynecologist for an appointment and consultation. Karen shared she needed a minimum three days notice to get her schedule changed. I waited until 10 am and called, while it was unsettling I felt it was a cake walk compared to what it would be like going for the appointment.
I asked and then waited to speak to Dr. Harper’s head nurse. I explained to her I was Joe Stamps, Karen’s husband and wanted to meet with Dr. Harper as I needed to meet with a doctor and share concerns I had. I didn't want to say more to the nurse. Her nurse insisted if it wasn't important I should speak to my own doctor.
I finally told her, "I'm transgendered and I'm too nervous to talk with my own doctor about it."
I was told, “Dr. Marcia Harper would be open to meeting with you if you agreed for her to be Jasmine’s doctor in this matter. Marci suggests you come as Jasmine for an appointment and some tests with a consultation the following week.
I stated my wife needed three days notice to change her schedule. Nurse Terri said “That will work out as she would not be needed for the initial appointment. If I wanted her at the consultation it would give Karen plenty of time to adjust her schedule. We have a cancellation that opened a time on Thursday at 3:30 pm. and we can schedule the consultation for a week after that.
Jenn
My guitar lessons were going well as Travis challenged me during our sessions and I practiced daily. I jammed with Dad at least twice a week picking up cord sequences here and there. Dad became my biggest fan and encouragement. He would usually use the bass guitar when we jammed and his acoustical guitar if he was trying to teach me something.
He came home from work one day announcing he had volunteered us to help at the CEO’s wife, with Mrs. Doyle’s Women's Social in November. I shared with Dad that it would be Jaz accompanying me if that was okay. It really wasn’t offered as an option.
Wanda communicated directly with me and shared while my first song was a nice safe piece, she suggested after that something more upbeat and affirming of what being a woman should follow. There was a country ballad we agreed to. I shared Jasmine would accompany me, but if I was able I too would be playing guitar. She assured me that would be super with Mrs. Doyle.
I was happy to hear after my parents’ weekend away, things were to be going back to normal. It was nice to see Dad in a new light. I liked him being happy, learning of his music side and even a little of Jaz was nice, but the boobs and how often it happened was a bit much in a short time for my siblings and me.
I was surprised come Halloween parties, exceptions had already been made. Dad said he was forced by someone to come as Barbara Mandrel, whoever she was. Then Mom insisted he entertains at her hospital. I guess Mom and a cousin had sung backup as the Mandrel Sisters. “You mean Dad sang as the lead singer.”
Mom said, “When Jaz impersonates a singer she does pretty good; give her another song and she needs to impersonate another singer or sing back-up.” Mom demonstrated that reality for us kids with Dad singing on his own was classified as “cruel and unusual punishment.” Though it was not really that bad, we just did not want it to be encouraged; but over time the new smiling Joe/Jasmine both made a significant improvement.
It was good to sing at Mrs. Doyle’s social and it confirmed that Dad would pass as Jaz and not my Dad in drag. Jaz and the women at the Social thought the image of a girl caring for a brother was powerful as I sang, "He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother' beautifully sung. Then I sang “Man, I feel Like a Woman” which surprised me to see the women, many with silver and blue tints in their hair get into the song. When asked for one more I began to say, “I would like my dad to play and I just sing... Sorry Jaz, I forgot who was with me; the song is ‘At Seventeen’.” I surmised that Wanda knew the truth, but I was hoping the damage was limited.
Mrs. Doyle wanted to show her appreciation with a nice check but Jaz shared that needed to go to the school’s music program for now. Mrs. Doyle sent me a gift card for Maurice’s a few days later.
While I regularly sang in Chorus and played in the school band until the School Variety Show I had been lost in the crowd and back up quartets. When I sang “He Ain’t Heavy”, it was cool that the other members of chorus and band noticed me.
Rhonda and someone from the audience yell for me to sing “Seventeen”. It was then I realized how much I identified with the song, and as I finished I looked at Jaz who accompanied me and I ran off the stage crying. Jaz came over to me as did Mom and asked what was troubling me. And I told him, “I always wondered why I could talk to you about some things. I now realized my Dad had many of the same feelings, not knowing he was also Jaz.”
Jaz caught her breath and was going to burst into tears but excused herself and asked if Mom could bring the guitar and stuff. Dad was locked in their bedroom when we got home, while his crying had stopped, he was still unsure of himself.
Mom had complimented me on the way home, sharing I had touched something in him so profoundly. We first went to the after-show party, and I am glad we went, as I got many nice strokes (kudos). I was sure when we got home that Dad would only be comfortable talking to Mom. I shared I hoped I could talk to her before I went to bed but gave them their time and space.
.
When we got home helped my brother and sisters got ready for bed. Megan as she realized what was going on and that we needed to talk and she took the time to listen. By the time we were finished talking, Mom said Dad/Jaz was open to talking with me.
As I mentioned, "I was sorry to cause a problem Dad" Mom gave me a hug. “Jaz and I are both happy for what happened and Jaz is probably experiencing as many tears of joy that she can’t explain away as anguish.”
While I was visiting with Dad we were hugging so much at one point and his breasts started to heat up and I was now about to freak out. “Dad, how is it possible that you are getting hot?” After Dad explains we both had a good laugh and got back to our discussion.
I butted in and shared “There are some things that Jaz could keep to herself.”
Dad asked, “Jenn, does it disturb you to think I understand some things that maybe I shouldn’t as a dad?”
I listened as he shared both as a guy and as Jaz how he thought being TG has helped him in understanding and to grow in sensitivity. I paused and thought it made some sense. “Dad, I think Mom is your first line of support, but I want to be here for you as well as to be able to come to you. I wouldn’t mind if Jaz and I went out to shop sometime and took time to eat and for girl talk.”
Jaz was tearing up again and I suggested she needed to get off her make-up and get ready for bed, I would just sit with her if it was okay. She asked me to get a nightgown if I would. When I came back she was down to her bra and ready to take off her skirt and she realized she had gone a bit too far and paused.
“I’m sorry”… he began to say “and I meant my pajamas.” I gave her a hug and said "I suspect the boundaries are going to be a little gray at times. I suggest you take a shower and decide afterward who's going to be sleeping in the bed."
Mom was back in by that time and she shared whichever is most helpful. Mom gave me a hug and kiss, and said, “She would be in, in a moment, to say goodnight.”
Karen
I was as surprised more so than Jaz or Jenn as I saw the feelings overwhelming Joe/Jaz. I put being a “mom” at the forefront while I was at the school for Jenn and our other children. I felt guilty and insensitive as I wondered how long Jaz was suppressing those feelings. I knew what the stress could do to Joe's health.
I had a mixture of thoughts and feelings about how I was the one usually alone and hurting when Jaz came out. I did not understand how many things she/he had gone through that I never even thought of, ‘If a regular girl got anxious about how others looked at her and we do… I thought while Jaz usually looked pretty good as a girl for a boy, Jaz sees herself and wants to be seen as a regular girl.’
Jaz asked me to help take her forms off, but I asked if it was okay if I did it in the morning. “I just want to cuddle with you tonight.”
I had come to know Joe in his sophomore year in college. He attended a neighboring college and was part of a popular band covering our region, The White Waters. Joe was not the lead singer but he was a very good guitarist and one of their more colorful members. He usually wore a silk or satin shirt or blouse which was often halfway down the front.
Very few local or regional bands dared adopt the popular style of some big singers wearing fancy or more provocative clothing or sporting certain looks using make-up. Most that tried went down in flames but White Waters were musically and professionally so good they could crossover very well. I was one of three women who helped Joe make better selections of tops and the group as a whole make better use of make-up. Joe pushed the boundaries but did not go too far overboard.
He got accused of being a femme gay guy, but he had too many women interested in him for most to take it seriously. Only a few times did his detractors seek to fight about it. While he did lose one fight to a much bigger guy, he actually gained respect for not backing down.
I was the first who got caught up in Jenn’s interest in the guitar and hoped it would reignite the flame in Joe. Bringing out Jaz was like playing with fire and a large Barbie Doll with sexual undertones.
The night Joe’s Mom saw Jasmine as her son was an eye-opener for all of us. What I thought started with a cute rock guitarist in college was already visible in his high school band group. Marge Stamps shared she knew about as early as when he was 8. That came out of the clear blue. I easily got excited and saw it as sexy.
But there were more than a few times I wondered if it meant he was gay or I was a lesbian. Our weekend away not only gave Jaz experience as a woman but helped assure me that I was heterosexual with the exception of Jaz, even there the experience was special because Jaz and Joe were one and the same.)
Thanksgiving was special, I sang the Sunday before, at church, our church was generally kind of staid and stuffy, the congregation actually enjoyed it when a guitar was played slow. People relaxed and enjoyed the services immensely. During the last service, Dad played the guitar for the professional to end the service as I was asked to walk out with the Pastor to greet people.
Recently a great singer had died an untimely death and her funeral service was in the church where she grew up singing. The pastor asked me, "If that could happen in a church like ours?"
I truthfully answered, “Not until a singer can grow up singing out of her soul in the church she grew up in!”
He asked me if he could quote me at the next board meeting. I agreed he could use my words and say they came from a member. I was pretty sure Dad would get any blame that came down.
The Thanksgiving celebration at our home with both sets of grandparents and the extended family dropping over, became the best in years as Joe played most songs as I played some on the guitar. Mom chimed in on a keyboard and most who wanted sang.
The Stamps were not great singers until it came to us the grandchildren, but everyone was a joyful singer. Joe said they made a joyful noise that sounded good because of love. I was glad that my folks relaxed and enjoyed themselves. I know Mom was long overdue to have a warm loving partner.
Mom and Dad slept that night in my room as my Mom’s parents slept in my parent’s room and Grand Stamps slept in the guest room. Mom, Megan and I went out early shopping on Black Friday.
But Grandma walked into my room wanting an explanation of the extra women’s clothing in our closet. Dad getting up wearing a silk nightgown answered most of her original questions. She surprised Joe by closing the door and visiting with him as he was. They ended their visit by her brushing out his hair.
Joe did not push it as he put on a football sweatshirt and jeans. During the afternoon Grandma Robins painted the nails of Cathy and Megan. When she went to paint Joe’s nails, he was sleeping through a football game. Ma’s dad was the only one grumbling and others just ignored him.
Grandma Stamps painted Dan’s nails with the requirement that both men left their nails polished till after breakfast the next day. Saturday’s breakfast was traditionally eaten out at a public restaurant.
Little did anyone know about the chemise and panties Dad wore under his guy clothes. I did suggest, he wears a sweater in the restaurant less someone would see the outline of his underclothes. Joe did not believe it was a problem until I told him the suggestion came very strongly from his other daughters and Mom as well.
Come the following day before church Pastor Ted asked Dad and me if we would head up a Youth centered Advent/Christmas program for the third Sunday evening of December. He knew of a woman doctor who would be home for Christmas the first time in seven years. She too wanted to help as a leader.
While there was more than enough fun contemporary Christian Christmas music, Dad thought the Dr and youth could put together a powerful story that would sensitize the youth to the needs of Christ’s world family. Dad said not everyone might like what the youth wanted to do.
He and Pastor John talked and they agreed the youth program was different from the cute traditional children’s Christmas program.
Dad had been upset that Dr. Martha had to handle tragic situations yearly because mission money was often held back to the last of the years’ giving. Sometimes they even gave less then they had committed the Church to do.
Dr. Marti Somers had written a moving script that Dad wanted to adapt for Christmas and the youth. Dad first asked me if I thought the youth would be willing to do it.
I stated, "As long as we can leave the bathrobes and halos for the little children’s program, I think they will give it a fair shake.
After the first reading of the play, their two requests were the role of the missionary doctor be played by my Mom or Dr. Somers herself. Their second request was to use contemporary music and put it into the setting of worship. Mom agreed to do the part of the doctor only if Dr. Martha turned it down.
Dr. Somers knew Dad from the Mission Committee and from his band days. She met him several times in the Philadelphia area. She asked if Dad’s hair was long enough to mess with. As she said he was like a brash Afrikaner she knew humbled by AIDS and Malaria.
Martha arrived to stay with us beginning Tuesday, three weeks before Christmas. Dad and I picked her up from the airport. Martha pushed a package over to dad and shared it was important he begins wearing it in the morning as he'd wear it for the play. Dad agreed readily but didn’t like the smile on Dr. Marti’s face.
We were still at the airport when dad agreed and Dr. Marti had him opened the package. He said he would do it but he couldn’t figure out what it was. I was the first that had recognized and announce it's a baby bump.
Unbeknownst to Dad, Wanda had returned on a business flight had walked up behind them. Dad shared while he could possibly wear it in the evening, there was no way he could wear it at work. Wanda spoke up saying, "Since I have co-opted him into our division I am more than happy to approve it up to your Christmas program."
Mom was not initially happy with the idea and asked why it couldn’t be a male Afrikaner as originally in the script.
Dr. Marti explained, “It plays on the original Christmas story and that there's more empathy for a pregnant woman with a child caught in unexpected circumstances.” She said, "The circumstances are very real and tragic for women of certain problems. The medications and procedure to save a mother and child exist. So it's needless for the mother and child to die."
"But alas in a third world country at a mission field hospital Marti wasn’t able to get the needed medicine for enough mothers even with her own money. One of the hardest things I do as a doctor is to sit up with a dying woman and would be the child who did not need to die."
What made it more interesting was the high school youth did not wait for their Christmas program to respond. They were soon on the agenda of the next church board, 1) to see if the mission commitments had been paid. 2) They also were asking friends from other churches to attend their service.
I took my siblings to school as Mom and Martha helped Dad to get ready for work. Martha had brought with her one large maternity top and a waist extender for a skirt. Jaz would need to stop at a maternity shop after work. Mom and Marti agreed to take him maternity shopping after work.
Mom made Jaz’ makeup bright and healthy, fixed her hair and sent her off to work. Dad was reporting exclusively to Wanda’s department. Many of the office women like Maggie and Liz came over to see the more feminized version. By eleven besides going to the bathroom more, Dad was having a headache and back pains. Wanda had anticipated the problems and offer Dad two prescription pills and a back rub. Dad was back for the medicine before he left work.
Dr. Somers, Wednesday through Friday, stayed with us at night but visited churches and groups each day into the evening. She wanted Dad not to harp on his problems nor to get into a pity mood but feel like a woman the need to live within reality. Come Thursday night, Dad felt he was being sensitized, but he knew he was not going to die nor lose a child.
Dad’s visit to the maternity department of a store was a learning experience: he needed to get maternity pantyhose and panties. Jaz actually liked the appearance of several dresses and bought two. Several women enjoyed talking to Jaz and showing her things like their nursing bras and stretch marks. They laughed when Jaz said she was having the baby in another Sunday.
It was Friday morning that Dr. Somers add another 8 pounds to Dad’s front. She giggled saying his complexion had the glow of a pregnant woman. Dad shared his chest was having empathy for the change because the breast forms grew heavier.
Dad would have one more week of being a pregnant woman. Come Saturday Marti and Mom taught Jaz to stretch and they gave her a massage. Dad asked Marti if she had one more bit of advice. Marti said, “It’s too bad you don’t have an insensitive man in your life who would tell you ‘to be a man and just suck it up and live with it’.” Mom and Marti laughed, but Jaz became melancholy.
Wanda was out to enjoy Dad’s last week as an expecting mom at work, sharing her medication, back rubs and today took him to a 1 ½ hour lunches. Several pills she gave during the week were to help the pregnant woman to lactate though she had not told him. There was a surprise baby shower with most gifts going to a center for mothers in need.
Mrs. Doyle had spoken to Wanda about a holiday social she was having and wondered how to get a hold of Jaz to ask her to play for the event. Wanda informed Joe of the request an hour before work ended; saying she looked forward to seeing Jasmine again on Wednesday so she could work a little before going to the Social.
Sunday, Dad missed worship but was dressed as a pregnant mom for the Youth Advent/Christmas program. Some visiting young people were a bit taken back seeing a pregnant woman helping to lead their program, especially when she picked up the guitar. I helped Jaz play a medley of Christmas songs that the children sang along with.
Dr. Somers was now the “Cool Mama”. The program was interactive; youth enjoyed recognizing the difference between the secular holiday and the spiritual celebration.
Finally came the unfolding play and now Jaz was cast into a third-world reality with Dr. Somers. Many of the high school students acted as caring staff or as some of the patients who were helped and thankful. Though they had walked many miles and waited from six hours to another day to be seen.
Jaz’ character, a real woman Dr. Marti had known, she had come to the hospital to deliver her baby but she had a complication and was one of three moms at the hospital who would end up dying. Her condition with the fistula would have been treatable if the medicine had come on-time, but the shipping of that medication was being delayed until it could be paid for in February.
Jaz as a patient would not be told, but the audience knew. A guy named Nathan spoke up insightfully, “It was similar to Mary being asked to reside in a stable.” Dr. Martha at the mother’s request delivered the baby with a C-section, but the mother would die because of the complications.
While an offering had been received earlier in the service, high school youth leading the program suggested a freewill offering be given by the audience as they were going to a fellowship time. The first offering was but token gift of just under $45 total. With some 85 youth in attendance and half as many adults the second offering came to $984.
Monday at school, talk at the junior high and high school included the play at the youth program. One School nurse and counselor heard the news and received permission to have the play at school on Thursday, though it needed to be in a completely secular void of Nativity innuendos.
Wednesday, Dad would be Jaz the musician and Thursday, Jaz, as the pregnant woman and would be a mom. Jaz always loved playing Silent Night on the guitar, stating that was the way it was originally sung with guitar accompaniment. Thursday was by far and away the most moving of all the days. Some one thousand students saw the play and questions were allowed.
When it was learned that a man, my Dad, played the pregnant woman; a reporter asked him, “Do you feel more like you understood the needs of women better?”
He said, “Any insight I gain through a few hours or days was dealing more with my ego and how easily I became frustrated or tired. Yes, I have more empathy for the plight of women and the burden of an expecting mother. But I think it would take much longer, months not days for me, any man, to gain appreciable understanding.”
The reporter asked, “Would you be willing to undertake that experience?”
“I am sure my employer and family would frown on my undertaking such an experience!” Why that last question and answer got so much press I don’t know. But it would come back to bite his company and my Dad.
Steve and Rick the founders of the White Waters Band made contact with Dad after seeing his name in the media. They were planning a nostalgia tour for the White Waters Band beginning February 3, an anniversary of the day the Music Died.
Many things came out of Marti’s play, many experienced the story speaking to them about others, especially in the third world news and concerns closer by. Come January, our church adopted a new year’s budget and members of three other churches requested that their caring for others should be increased and be paid on schedule throughout the year. Each also asked to increase hands-on ministry experiences.
A group of members from my church challenged that the youth’s Christmas program was too close to sexuality issues. They wanted assurance that would not be permitted in the future. Dad was asked to apologize for how it was handled.
I chose my forum to be the church’s annual meeting attended by a good representation of members.
“I am Jenn Stamps, I and my parents are members and I am active in coming to worship and youth fellowship and Sunday school but I was not always regularly. My Dad neither chose to participate as the pregnant woman in our youth program nor that his identity is revealed at the school’s performance. He responded to Dr. Somers’ request with the agreement of the youth. I trust that God brought good from both events. I will not apologize and I would be against my Dad doing so."
“I didn’t ask my dad, but Pastor John, if I could speak. I believe the fruit of that evening and the program at school were inspired by God. I respect those who differ with me; I suspect I once would have sided with them. A number of people within our church families are probably waiting to see if there is a place for them within our congregation.”
“I will neither apologize nor seek to draw lines between our members. Nor do I think that the response for mission giving should suffer. My father spoke up for mission giving for years and backed his words by participating as requested.” I was trembling as I walked back to my seat, where I cried.
Two members Mom and I knew and trusted were ready to speak after me. They came down in different places as far as what they believed, but they were unified that the church should be unified in Christ. Tom the more evangelical of the two people said, “None of us are perfect in understanding or living out our lives that is why we live in faith and unity with Christ Jesus.”
We were glad that the church did approve the proposed mission program for the year. No actual motion was made regarding an apology or future programs.
Dad was called into the head corporate office at work that Monday morning and told they approved his extended pregnancy experience as long as he did it 24/7. Unbeknownst to him the Ledger writer and a woman from Public Broadcasting had been doing the groundwork to utilize Dad as male mom surrogate. Once again his quote, “as willing to do it, if both my family and my employer would approve” came back to bite him. Mr. Doyle personally told Dad, "You better not disappoint my wife."
Come the weekend of February 3, Dad would be with the White Waters Band to begin their six weeks. He had been a member five of their ten-year history. They had the option to drop him if his mock pregnancy became a distraction.
Having a short time back with the Band hit dad’s interest, but 6-7 months as a ‘would be mom’ did not. Mom and our family were supportive of this decisions.
Jenn, Rhonda and now Sara on the keyboard and as a lead singer became the nucleus of our band. Robin took to the rhythm guitar, Jaci was our utility member covering several instruments and headed up the background singing. Both Sara and Jenn loved playing off Jaci as they sang. Sara focused on Country and Pop while Jenn usually was lead for Rock, Pop, and duets. They appropriately settled on the group name of “Mind Changers”.
The Mind Changers had our first gig the Friday before Valentine’s Day; we were to be the #2 band, thus the opening performance. While the other band had a very good sound, that lasted four songs and their set lasted only another six songs. Dad must have realized that as he suggested we not fully tear down as a band. He said it would do us well to listen to the better band.
During their next to the last song, dad had us set our stuff back in place. We set dad up as a third guitar. He suggested with Jace and Sara on the keyboard and Rhonda on the drums we could handle most any song the singers were comfortable with. And it was true. I had become a good guitarist by now. Upon the ending of the last song that the other band limped through, we began to play. It was suggested the other band take a break and let us know when they were ready again.
Many girls enjoyed our range of selections. The guys thought we were a novelty being a girl band and came to see what we looked like. They agreed we played and sounded better than the other band. We were supposed to be paid $75 but we were given the $50 bonus for performing above the expectations.
The Mind Changers thanked Dad for all he did, but since we were an all-girl band, Jaz better be ready to play or the band needed to be ready to live with the consequences.
The first night of the White Waters Reunion Tour, Dad was held out until the second set of songs. He was a bit disappointed but truly he was not there their first year. Joe was there as they grew and became a force in their region. Dad’s satin and silk shirts were quickly popular again, but it wasn't until March they became blouses. Their Tour was to be extended to ten weeks.
Dad reiterated to the White Waters band he would play as often as he could, but that he was crew chief and sound-man helping The Mind Benders. One night we were again the first group playing, so Dad dressed as Jaz, so he could play for the White Waters some forty-five minutes away. They featured Jaz and Mom after their break.
After our performance we loaded our van and Rhonda’s mom took it home. Sara’s parents took us to see the White Waters Band. You can imagine the surprised and happy looks when we danced in front of them.
It became a little harder for us to handle, Jaz’ skirt was the shortest I had seen yet. Her top was Dad’s traditional silk/satin top open in the front. Jaz did have a bra on, but I was not use to seeing her this hot.
Despite family, work/school and bands, we had worked hard and were fairly successful in achieving our new normal. Dad was not very comfortable with more people coming to see him as being transgendered. But one nice perk was Mom would often sing two numbers on performance nights with White Waters. Half of those times Dad as Jaz could sing behind her.
The band found it funny that Dad did better singing as a woman than Joe did as a guy. Two different nights they had Dad sing as a female background singer, for the second half of the show. Many in the audience like the sound but wondered where the singer had come from; most not remembering the few times Jaz played with the band.
There were a number of songs the band had done over time that had a female voice. The band traditionally had simply used their male back-up singers. Rarely when they originally performed did acknowledge Joe using female voices. It was all good as it gave the band a freshness and many songs to help to keep the nights interesting for the band and the audience.
Week nine Karen and Jaz came to a performance wearing gifts from Bridgette back in Africa. They were dress tops for African woman. Accompanied by a note, “The women of a village had their dance and asked me to join them. When I joined them walls came down. I am now accepted as one among them, they painted my upper torso and James responded appropriately come the end of the evening. May these gifts express our abiding thanks? P.S. Please pray a child comes in the future, blessed by God with our new family.”
Late March found Jaz again waiting in Dr. Harper’s reception area. This time I was along and quite happy as she was becoming a pregnant woman. Jaz was the one squirming like a man sitting in a gynecologist’s office. I admit it was a bit strange as a thirteen year old to be there with my Dad, but my mother was there also.
Dad’s nipples or breasts had begun to hurt or become sensitive. Dr. Marci upon examining Dad concluded that his breasts were beginning to bud. Dad denied taking anything, suffering under my mother’s cynical stare. Dr. Harper left Dad and Mom alone to ponder the possibilities of what happened and what it meant for the future.
Dad had actually wondered if Karen had done something. She had actually brought up the idea of him becoming pregnant using his sperm and her eggs.
Mom had wondered because Dad very much enjoyed his times as Jaz and he had wondered aloud what if? Was Dad experimenting without Mom’s knowing? There were now two prescriptions of birth control medicine in the house, and other products that had female steroids.
It took awhile for them to become comfortable that neither had been used. It was then Dad remembered the unnamed pills Wanda gave him; they had an uncanny resemblance to my birth control pills. When Dad shared the possibility with Dr. Harper, and she sought to cover her laughter as did my mother.
“Well I hope you learned not to take other people’s prescriptions. I think you will be okay as long as you do not continue to misuse them.” Dr. Harper did take it as an opportunity to talk to me about becoming pregnant, as well as Karen and my sexual activities.
Dr. Harper placed Dad in the stir-ups for part of his exam. Mom had shared they had experimented with Dad increasing his erogenous zones. This last time two months ago when she felt around his erogenous areas she saw little response beyond a healthy male. “I see you have worked to build up your sensitivity in some of these areas?” She also wanted to know if anyone other than Karen and been in him; that was not the case since October.
She had the nurse use a fake vagina to get another two vials of sperm and a dildo to take pictures in his rectum and to keep the hole viable. She did suggest he stay active as a male husband as well, “I do not mean more children for Karen.”
“If you are considering the experience of a longer term pregnancy as was talked of earlier or becoming pregnant as a male as Karen has suggested. I need to be honest and say now is better that 2-3 years from now. While I am not suggesting it, I believe medically I owe you the responsibility of informing you of the possibilities.
“With the baby bump you do not have the ability to experience the delivery of a baby; the possibility of you producing milk, nursing a new born, and experiencing the ceasing of milk production would be within the possibility of such an experience. "
“Our hospital or another area hospital would likely have a new born in need of nursing. Ethically, having examined you, the only reason to medically rule you out of this possibility would relate to your gender dysphoria and psychological effects it might have upon you and family.” Dr. Harper said, “Personally, it would be simpler for you or you and Karen to say ‘No, you are not participating in this.’”
Technically it is possible in one of two ways to impregnate a man with a fertile egg. Your delivery of a baby would be by C-section. You would have the possibility of most of the symptoms of a pregnant woman. The ramifications for you and the whole family should be a significant to a major concern.”
“The same reasons I caution you not to do it, is the same reason I will leave the decision up to you two. I do not want to do psychological damage to your personality by my saying “No or Yes”. I believe it is in the interest of your health to make the decision and live with the implications as you would so choose.”
She said, "I have consulted with your wife about the impact upon her, your immediate family and her opinion about you going through this. Karen says, “You're usually unwilling to personally say ‘no’ leaves you with the healthy responsibility of saying yes. It needs to be you affirming your desire, willingness to do it, or to be healthy and change your decision and say ‘no’.
“Joe/Jasmine, I do not think you are two different people. I believe you should weigh and decide for a healthy positive choice. I believe a healthy experience as Jasmine is as much in the interest of Joe as it would be detrimental experience for Joe or Jasmine.”
Joe looked to Karen and knew he had her support and love either way. Joe hugged her hand, faced Dr. Darla and said “Yes, as much as it is out of my comfort zone, I think I can and should do this. I want to wait a minimum of a week to confirm my decision.”
Karen phoned home and shared we were going out to dinner tonight in prelude to announcing something special after dinner. She then called a restaurant requesting a private setting for our family; both sets of grandparents had been invited and hopefully would be there. Jaz was plainly dressed in a long blue skirt and printed blouse and Karen suggested Jaz wear a two strand gold necklace and simple earrings. So after Jaz had changed, the family road to the restaurant and met the grandparents. Drinks and food were ordered before Karen stood and shared.
"Joe and I have decided that he would again undergo the ordeal of acting as a pregnant woman. But this time it will be over a prolonged period of months. We expect over this time and possibly from here out people will see or believe him to be a transgendered person. Some of the implications and burdens of this experience will not only fall upon Jaz but us as family as well. Dad’s work place has agreed to this as well. He has not shared this yet with others. He will be living as Jasmine night and day over the next months. His being Jaz in many ways has become familiar to us.”
Cathy broke in “Why does it sound like something bad is happening?” Dan wondered the same thought.
Megan spoke up, “Some people do not like it when Dad acts as a woman, even more will be upset when he tries to live with us as a woman. We're likely to be teased and made fun of as well as Dad.” When the drinks and salads began to come, Mom shared we would talk more about this when the meal was over. The two grandpas did not wait to continue the discussion. Both of them thought it was kind of foolish but my dad's Dad shared he and grandma would be behind us. Granddad Robins said he did not want their family name to receive a black-eye from it.
Dan asked if people were going to fight over it. While the children all finished their meals and ordered dessert, none of the adults did.
During the trip home Dad suggested that he probably should change his mind. Megan, Karen and Jenn all quickly spoke up and said that would be the wrong decision. “Dad,” Megan said, “I am the daughter who has been the most uncomfortable with this, but to change your mind would be wrong. You decided the right thing for you and Mom supports you. I think to change your mind for the wrong reason does not make it the decision right.” Dad pulled the van over and did all he could not to burst into tears. Mom changed seats with him and drove home.
When we got home Mom told Jaz to get ready for bed and plan to sleep in the family room. It was a family tradition if someone felt hurt for them to sleep in the family room so those in support of them could gather round bringing their blankets and pillows and sleep with the person. Jaz did not want to do that, often the hurt child did not either. Karen told him that sleeping elsewhere was not an option.
Apart from the others Karen told Jasmine to take off her make-up, take care of her skin and hurry back wearing a set of teddy bear pajamas. “You do have your gaff on don’t you? You won’t need your bra on.” She checked on Jaz as she got ready to sleep.
Mom and I already had two comforters down for nesting and some throw pillows as well as ones from our beds. There was another piled of blankets and quilts to use as covers or more cushion. Cathy rushed back into the room carrying a stuffed animal and blankie. She hugged her Dad around the leg and told him, he had nice girly legs. They were soft and smooth, her hands slipped up his legs. Karen told her not to put her hands there. Mom told Jaz to shush and just lay down.
Meg claimed, “I didn’t notice before you have nice hips for a boy girl.” Jenn shared, “That’s from too much office work, but it will make the next few months prettier.” Megan asked, “So Daddy/Mom what are you sad about?”
“Well I am kind of sad that I will disappoint you. Others might tease you because your Dad is acting like a woman, saying things like I look like a Sissy.”
Cathy, “Would you feel better if we prayed that you would be happy during this time and looked pretty and like a real woman?” Dan, “We will miss seeing you dad but we know you are still there under the surface. I think there are more guys who would like to look like girls part of the time. It’s not fair; they don’t judge girls for wearing guys stuff.”
Jenn, “I think it is neat we have such a sensitive Dad. I am looking forward to being there for you and enjoying this part of you.”
Karen, “You have smiled more and been a much warmer parent as Dad and Jaz.”
Cathy’s hand had slipped under Jaz' top and she was content touching the breasts, “How come your nipples don’t change when I rub them… Oh I spoke too soon.” Everyone began to laugh, but Cathy wondered what was so funny. Mom now encouraged everyone to snuggle up and help make dad feel warm and happy.
Come morning Karen asked Jaz to take time to help Cathy and Dan get ready for school. She was keeping him home from work at least for the morning. She had told the Jenn and Megan in front of Jaz that she's going to have her hair styled more like a mom.
Jaz and Karen went for a light brunch and then to the salon. It's Patti who would be working on Jaz as mom had Jan as usual. Patti started with a facial with defoliants, a heavy dose of moisturizers and skin conditioners. While Jaz was under a mask she had another woman work on her nails. Jaz could not help but enjoy her toes, fingers and face from being pampered though tears were welling up. Patty tapped Karen to see, Karen squeezed Jaz' hand, “I hope those are happy tears.”
“But I shouldn’t be crying,” he told Karen.
Karen joyfully said, “Sorry but we left that guy at home and brought Jaz with us.” They now sat Jaz in the chair next to Karen and began to work on each's hair. They put in some highlights in Jaz’ along with quite a few extensions. Then cut, shaped and set her hair with various size curlers.
Her reception at work with Wanda and the other people in her section, predominately women as well as the office women was very warm. Jaz appearance because of a slight change in color and style helped them to see her and this experience as new. Joe was not seen as presently working it was Jaz. Both her personality and their response to her changed significantly and worked well with all they had to do. Come Friday the office was full steam ahead on their new project. The other women treated Jaz to lunch on Friday, as Mr. Doyle sent down a note that whatever we were doing we should keep up.
Friday night Jaz sought the impossible, to perform as Joe for White Waters. Come Saturday she was all Jaz with an open silk blouse, and she was quite the diva. She and the band had fun. White Waters had their contract extended through the month.
Jaz decided she would miss most of it as she wanted to be the set-up person for Jenn and the Mind Changers. One night Robin came up sick and Jenn with the approval of the other band girls had Jaz fill in. It was fun watching Jenn play off of Jaz for the performance.
Jaz was the one who fielded most of the calls and insulting mail they received, at least she thought she did the first three months. Jaz, Jenn or Karen would patrol the morning lawn for tampons and napkins discarded as insults. The beginning of April the baby bump increased by small but noticeable amounts. Jaz was into the flow of being a female and happier and more natural than previously remembered.
Several times she got lost in playing dolls and house with Cathy, or helping Megan to change around her room. Megan was our dancer and girly girl, she loved Jaz taking time to watch her practice or to try new outfits or new arrangements of old ones. She, Jenn and Karen all enjoyed working with Jaz, her hair, make-up and clothes. Jaz became their life-size Barbie. Not everyone at church was happy with us, but come Easter Sunday Jazz was up to watch Jenn's part in the sunrise service. She found a beautiful dress that complimented her baby bump.
Joe always gave Karen a beautiful corsage and this Easter was no exception. What was different was Karen had bought one for Jaz as well. There were times Karen wished Joe was there, but found herself enjoying Jaz. Privately Joe was sometimes there for Karen.
The little things Karen did for her or Jaz for her, she noticed and appreciated in ways Joe had not. Karen had worried about being able to love and relate to him as Jaz. And began again wondering about if it meant she was a lesbian. Karen still a little uncomfortable with the thought it she was a lesbian. But Karen found herself enjoying the love of Jasmine. The tenderness and thoughtfulness she receive from her knowing it was a healthy change for Joe. Yes, we have talked about it and Joe seems to do better, after all Joe and Jaz were the same person. Karen hadn’t thought their love could have gotten better than it had been. But there are more times each loving the other was much better and they would surprise each other in wonderful ways.
WANDA
I have taken a liking to Joe being femme in the person of Jaz and I for one would like to see it continue and run deeper. I am sorry that she has stopped asking for my pills. I think they helped some and the little neck massage did help her headaches. Mrs. Doyle has taken a liking to her too, though at first she wasn’t sure Jaz and Joe were one and the same. I liked her idea of sharing samples of a feminine deodorant with some female hormones laced in. I gave an applicator to Jaz and have asked her to use it as we make important presentations and attend meetings as her deodorant does fade during the day. I giggled and willingly shared another stick for when she plays with her band.
I enjoy the times we get to personally visit and I am hoping to share with her that I too am transgender kind of. Though many thought I was a boy and I started life being raised as one, my true identity was discovered as I moved into puberty. Jaz wasn’t so fortunate but I think she is enjoying the change. I hope she appreciates the little help I have given. I don’t mean to force it upon her, but I don’t mind giving her a nice push to my way of thinking.
MEGAN
Wow, how I thank the day Jenn took up the guitar and we got to see the other side of Dad. I am not saying I want Dad or a boyfriend 24/7 like Jaz, but I am girly and I have enjoyed the change. I have not enjoyed the negative comments, but I can’t say Jaz has been embarrassing me. I enjoy that we have been able to shop together. It was far-out and strange getting lingerie for Jaz or nicer things for me as I am growing up.
Giving her make-up and fashion tips has been enjoyable and sometimes funny. Dad always showed up for my dance recitals but whether it is as Dad or Jaz, he’s more really there and interested. His compliments on what I do and how I look are more sincere.
As softball season begins, I like playing catch with Jaz and sharing time with Jenn. Pouncing on Dad and finding out that he’s developing a bit more as Jaz is startling and exciting. I was surprised so much that I could not stop trying to tickle her or to see how much her budding nipples might respond. That may not be a healthy response of a daughter to her Dad. I still would rather grow up and look like my Mom but to look like Jaz in most ways would be okay with me.
Chapter 5
MEGAN - the middle daughter
Wow, how I thank the day Jenn took up the guitar and we got to see the other side of our Dad. I am not saying I want Dad to be Jaz 24/7. I am girly enough that I have gotten to enjoy the rewards for me that came along with Dad/Jasmine's changes. I don't enjoy the negative comments, but Jaz has not been embarrassing as far as I'm concerned.
I enjoy that we have been able to shop together and talk in a different way than I do with Dad. Yes, I know Jaz is my Dad. That's far-out and strange at the same time; getting lingerie for Jaz or nicer clothes for me as I'm growing. Giving her make-up and fashion tips have been enjoyable and sometimes funny. Dad always showed up for my dance recitals. Now whether it is as Dad or Jaz, he’s more really there and interested. His compliments on what I do and how I look are sincere. I know that better with knowing Jaz.
Dad, within the week of agreeing to become pregnant if possible, has now put off that idea for one year. He called a family conference where he began the discussion and let all participate. Everyone agreed Dad's changes are already significant and the family could use the time to catch up with all of it. Being family is way different than even half a year ago.
Softball season is close to the beginning, I like playing catch with Jaz and sharing her time with Jenn. Once we pounced on Dad and found out that he was developing a bit more as Jaz than we knew. It was startling at first. I was surprised so much that I could not stop trying to tickle her or to see how much her budding nipples might respond.
That might not be a healthy response for a daughter to do to her Dad. While some dads might be called Jazz, they are not usually called Jasmine nor look like one who might be. I rather grow up and look like my Mom but to look like Jaz in ways would be okay with me.
JENN
I would not have been this far along on the guitar if it wasn’t for Dad being there and taking extra time. Or Mom’s suggestions leading to the revelation of my real Dad. Mom has helped me to cut through some crap and understand how dramatic this is for Dad as well. School this year has been a great learning experience, to say the least, and not what I expected. It is not what you might think: My interest and ability in the guitar have resulted in my parents being vocal about me keeping up a B+ average. Come mid-March I had two A’s, 2 B+’s, and one B, soon to be my third B+. That did not count A’s in Chorus, Band, and Phys. Ed.
I have lost a few friends for the time being, but some who had left at first are already back. My skin is a little thicker in some ways, and I have surprised a few people as well. When you are the oldest and the only brother is over 5 years behind me, one does not put up with some of the crap that other girls might.
An example being, Max, a jerk at school, was a little surprised when I gave him a fat lip as others had to pull me off him. But he shouldn’t have said what he did about my Dad. It’s okay now when Rhonda calls Jaz a Femme joking in private. But not too many get away with it because they don’t mean it with affection as she does. Max’s remarks were far worse and I had warned him I would put up with only so much. I did get detention and threatened with more, especially at home.
Jaz has needed to help in the band three times now. I would rather we didn’t need her but it was appreciated as she needed to quickly change from Joe to Jaz to do so. I would have preferred Mom one night, but I was glad she lent the clothes and makeup so Dad could. Dad is quicker and better of the two in changing over to Band-mode and picking up where we were.
I was also glad when Dad decided to put off becoming pregnant. It reminded us that Dad needs to train others in the band to run the soundboard. Mom even talked to me about Dad being implanted with a fertilized egg. I first told her, “TMI, more than a teenage daughter wants to hear.” Several days later I asked, “How would that possible?”
Mom has gone back to school; the hospital wants her as a physician’s assistant, but she been accepted to a med school to be a medical doctor. "Way to go, mom!" She has been doing clinical work at our hospital as well as going to a medical school some thirty-five miles away.
Once Mom was called into an emergency. Darla met us at the hospital and Mom was told she could not work on the next patient coming in. Mom was sent up to the nursery to get baby Sherry ready to be nursed. Sherry’s mom came through the Emergency Room in Critical Care, having been in an accident 24 hours earlier, that caused her to give birth to Sherry.
Jaz had taken some medication, having talked to Darla earlier. It would cause Jaz’s breasts to begin to lactate. The Mom would recover and Sherry would be the child of a single parent who loved her dearly. We became her extended family that night. Jaz nursed Sherry twice daily for 8-9 days. Now some of Dad’s breast tissue may now be forever changed.
The engorging of breasts can be overwhelming enough for a pregnant woman, more. But it wasn't that unsuspecting my mom but that a guy, my dad, was the one who would help nurse baby Sherry. I know it was overwhelming. I was one of many people who were proud of my Dad. I thought it funny that my Dad was unrealistic enough to think it would be all fun.
Dad had built up a lot of medical leave and flex-time, but he never expected to need it for something like this. He was allowed to take one week of medical leave, three flex days, and a week of vacation time he had built up. This was good, as Sherry came three weeks early, she would be ready to go home in two weeks at the earliest. Sara Spires, the mother, would be laid up in the hospital for another week. And she would need at least three months of rehabilitation time to recuperate from her accident.
Sara’s home and workplace were 120 miles away on the southwest side of Newark, Delaware. She had attended a business meeting in the Boston area as well as acting as a company courier into NYC. Despite the distance and demands on Sara all reports concerning the accident were that she was an innocent victim of others' poor driving mistakes.
Her folks lived over a thousand miles away and had already judged her harshly for becoming pregnant while not married. They were also angry; she had taken a job living so far away. They sounded sweet over the phone, but they gave Sara the ultimatum for her to give Sherry over to them and returned home, or to give Sherry up for adoption and come home to recover from the accident.
Mom and Joe/Jaz Stamps had fallen in love with Sherry and Sara and offered our place and family for both. Mom and Dad quickly had plans to add two rooms with a full bathroom to the house. Sara’s company made a settlement offer that sounded sizable. But part of Dad's job had dealt in this area numerous times. He knew the amount would easily be exhausted while various expenses would be piling up.
Through a lawyer, Sara made a casual counter offer for medical and living expenses plus the cost of a new vehicle, and an increase in settlement terms was made to the counteroffer. The driver balked at settling but their insurance company knew a suit would be much more costly not including legal fees and court costs. Luckily a window of 10 days to respond and thirty days to make good on the settlement was given.
Dad and I traveled to Sara's apartment, the day before Sara was to come to our home. We went to her place to pick up her belongings including a crib. There was nursery furniture, some baby things, and a modest amount of furniture and clothing for Sara. Sara’s ex-lover, Sherry’s dad, was not in the picture nor did he plan to be. Truth be told, I suspect he wasn't much of what Sara would want as a husband nor the dad of her baby.
The first time they brought Sherry into Sara’s room to nurse was a difficult time. Jaz and the nurse gave plenty of time and patience to help the time to be successful. Jaz was needed to finish nursing the baby as it would take two more days for Sara’s milk to come into full production.
I was pretty certain then; we were only marking time before Dad would be with child, thankfully not right now…
KAREN
One of my great joys that year was the pictures I got to take of Jaz and none was more precious than Jaz nursing her first baby. “Ouch!” Jaz thought it was all to be easy and fun, but Sherry chomped down on Jaz's engorged tits with more force and suction than Jaz expected.
Jaz was just about to yell about the pain when the joy of Sherry nursing swept over Jaz. That is when I began to click off the pictures. Sherry paused and Jaz knew to lift her and lightly pat her back until she burped. Jaz wiped her mouth and placed Sherry’s cheek next to her other nipple. Sherry instinctively turned, opened her mouth, and began to suckle on the other breast. When Sherry's milk came full she'd fall to sleep while nursing on a breast. Jaz tried to move Sherry away but baby Sherry was locked down on the nipple. Jaz laid-back rocking the sleeping baby until a nurse came to help her.
The nurse broke the seal by lightly putting her finger between the mouth and nipple. “You make a very good mommy.” Jaz lit up with a smile and thanked her. She took the baby in one hand and took Jaz by another, saying “I could use your help.” The three went back to the nursery and the nurse gave Sherry to someone to clean, change, and put back in her bassinet.
The nurse cleaned Jaz and brought another baby sharing, "I'd greatly appreciate you helping us." It was not like Jaz was out of milk. This baby messed her diaper as she just began to drink. Jaz like a trooper held the baby’s head nursing and used her other hand to change, clean, and put a new diaper back on.
The nurse upon returning watched the last of Jaz caring for the baby. “Are you Dr. Darla’s, would be mom?” Jaz looked up with puppy eyes and received the praise of the nurse. “Jasmine, I know Karen quite well and I know she is awfully proud of you. She speaks so affectionately about how beautiful you are as a lover.”
I had come from behind Jaz, nibbled on her ear and slipped my hand underneath her gown. With the look of a shy young woman, Jaz looked to the nurse. I slowly grew in the affection I was showing her. Jaz was being turned on as a woman, and I could not help but take her deeper. Jaz wanted to return the affection but all I would allow was a warm passionate kiss. I took Jaz back to a room so she could rest until Sherry and the other baby needed her again.
Sara was the single mother to Sherry and eight days from being released from the hospital, with months of recuperating ahead of her. I asked, "Jenn what's your thought about Sara recuperating with us? I thought she and the baby could be in the guest room?"
Jenn said, “If she stays with us she needs to know about Jaz. Meg and I have talked and we think we could move into the guest room. Sara and Sherry should have our bedrooms as a two-room apartment with a bathroom... Megan and I will probably kill each other, but we just thought she needs a little more space than just one room.”
I talked to Megan to make sure she was in agreement and I had to laugh as she said, “Yes, since Dad’s change, Jenn has become a bit more girly and easier to live with. She even has some stuff I wouldn’t mind borrowing.”
I visited with Sara over my lunch break and she cried about having a place to go with support for her and Sherry. She knew about Jaz and even had Sherry and Jaz in her room nursing. She broke down again when I said Jenn and Megan wanted to give her their two rooms so she would have more space.
That weekend Joe and a buddy put in a wide connecting doorway into Jenn and Megan rooms and expanded the guestroom closet to be a large walk-in closet for the girls. Luckily we had an oversized laundry room that they cut into. The girls' rooms had an attaching bathroom.
It was funny watching Joe in his bibbed overalls working together with neighbor Bill. Jaz’s bust snugly fitted into Joe's clothes. Come Saturday noon Joe changed into Jaz’s work clothes. By 3 p.m. Bill had started to give Joe a hard time about distracting him, “Here I am trying to make sure things are straight and level and you distract me with curvy lines and bumps. I can’t balance this with my image of you Joe.”
Bill co-opted his son and Jenn to help and the projects move along. It was what was needed to pick up the pace and extra hands to get the work done.
Joe physically and emotionally had trouble doing the work with breasts that were actively producing milk. Even with the proper bra and nursing pads, he leaked out onto his work shirt. I took him to our room and had him use the breast pump to fill two small bottles.
It was nothing new that I or other working Moms hadn’t experienced. Mood swings, body changes and embarrassing moments all took a toll. Jaz/Joe had one additional problem regular women did not. While Jaz was in our room pumping her breasts, I notice a uniquely male odor associated with Joe. Upon finishing pumping her breasts and fixing herself up top; I pushed her down on the bed and undid Joe’s pants. He thought I was getting interested in him and willingly stayed down.
I checked Jaz’s panty like a mom might check a diaper. It was messed by a man who had more than one time of excitement while working and/or nursing. I calmly cleaned him up and put on a clean pair of pink panties. When he stood up I undressed his top and put him to bed in a nightgown. “You are through for the afternoon, take a good shower and get some rest, and then .” He tried arguing about his duty to work.
I took him over to my side of the bed and sat him down. Woman to woman and we talked through the past six months. I shared she was now a nursing mom and things were catching up to her. Jaz lay down on my side of the bed as I stroked her back and ran my fingers through her hair until she fell asleep.
Needless to say, the others had no trouble that Joe did not come back to work. Bill commented on his respect for Joe, “He’s doing more than I could. It’s like he’s trying to be me and Marge in one body. …You already realize how hard that is, that’s why you are opening your house to a single mom.”
That was 3 p.m. and at six I got Jaz up to eat before we went to the hospital. Megan and I had painted the guest room for the girls. It was a joyful time at the hospital as we watched Sara nurse her daughter. Jaz pumped a couple of bottles for the night. Sara was making good progress. Her parents had been there earlier in the day and would be back tomorrow. But they lived almost a thousand miles away in a place that was not Sherry’s home. Sara’s apartment and work were over a hundred miles away. We would probably be Sara’s home and family well into next year.
Her folks were not pleased that Jaz was transgendered and disgusted that Sara had accepted our help. I suspect if it had not been for Sherry they would have divorced their daughter. Sara shared she could cook and would learn to cook and clean as we like. She was pleased and even wondered if we were god sent in light of her accident.
Sherry was working for a competitor to IOTEK, but it was a man’s company and not very caring towards her. She had worked long hours and not made many friends since she went there. Wanda already shared Sara would have a place with them if she wanted. That was when she was well enough to return to work. If she wanted it, it would be there. Her present employer already communicated her sick time and maternity leave were running on the same clock. That wasn't legal but they were betting Sherry wouldn't and couldn't afford to fight them.
Joe had quickly come not only to care for Sherry, but he liked the talents of Sara as a possible co-worker at IOTEK. The fact that Sara and Sherry were comfortable with Jaz and liked by the family made it that much more attractive. He and I felt blessed with the support we had. It is our experience: many in the TG community have it much rougher with less visible support out in the regular community. Someone said, Jasmine being accepted and visible would help make some people grow up.
The middle of that week we got to bring Sara and Sherry home and it was such a joy. The day before Bill, Joe, and Jenn went up to Sara’s apartment and brought back the baby stuff she already had like a pretty changing table, several pieces of living room furniture for the extra room. They brought Sara's bed, chest of drawers, and her clothes, make-up, and care products.
Sara was delighted to be out of the hospital and broke down into tears when she saw the two rooms fixed for them along with their own bathroom. Seeing her stuff made it feel more like her home.
Come Friday morning, I was an hour away from being home and Sara had an accident she could not clean alone. Joe changed to Jaz and gave Sara the help she needed. I had wished Jenn would have done it, but she was not up to it. Luckily Joe had been there years before with me and so Jaz knew what she needed to do. I suspect she even had a touch and way about her that Joe would not have had except through the experience of being Jaz.
I was surprised come Sunday a party was in preparation for Sunday afternoon. I was being kept out of the preparation since it was a rare weekend for me to work. I just assumed it was for Sara and Sherry, but soon would learn that shower was the following week. Jaz/Joe, Jenn, and the other kids had decided months ago, after Dad’s pregnancy they would have a surprise party for me and it was quite a surprise.
My folks showed up at four and the party began at 5:00. Nurses and other staff even a few doctors came, in addition to Dr. Darla. Neighbors, some from the church, and our kids' friends came as well as people who knew us socially as Karen and Joe/Jaz. The first two hours Joe was visible with his breasts tightly wrapped. Come 7:00 the wrapping came off and Joe changed into Jaz's clothes. Jenn and Rhonda provided some entertainment come six and the children expressed their caring and thanks to me.
Special attention was given to me about my caring and my giving room to Dad’s life blossoming. I was called the ‘Unsung Hero” for Dad, Sara, and Sherry Spires and being the nightly ghost who went to work and was now studying to be a “Doctor”.
My Dad and Mom did not enjoy all the humor. Jenn said “She may be the only Mom whose husband could fill her bra… Dad this gives you the incentive to keep your weight down or worry about the clothes you could wear.”
Megan said, “We did not only discover a new part of Dad but a long-hidden part of Mom. She sings, plays a mean keyboard and a good guitar. She is not a square mom who just drives a van… She has been Dr. Mom to us for a long time, but soon the world would know it too. She was already a great nurse and Mom and didn’t need to change. She would soon become a doctor but always have the heart of a nurse and mom.”
Dad’s parents had come and after they spoke briefly, the Robins spoke up and verbalized their pride in their daughter as well as their love for her and her family. That may have been the greatest, unexpected gift of the evening. They didn’t say a word about Jaz nor much about Joe, but they renewed their love for me and my family.
Jaz appeared come 7:15 as Jaz played and sang. Joe/Jaz tried to speak about what I meant to him. Time and again he/she was overwhelmed with tears and emotion. It was through the guitar and song that the love and conviction were most clearly heard.
Finally, he confessed aloud that “Without Karen, Jasmine would never have been alive but an imaginary part of me who never lived, but died stillborn. I could have been a discarded spouse, a cast-off dad… She bears over twice the burden of insults and hurt that comes our family’s way. And she gets about 1% of the appreciation expressed.”
Cathy and Dan expressed things purely wrapped in the words and hugs of young children. “We guess she’s special but to us, she has always been Mommy. When others speak about the special things their moms do, we see it as ordinary for our Mom and wonder what is so special. She may be extra beautiful come Easter and Mother’s Day, but every day she is pretty and loving… We know she doesn’t always feel like making dinner nor is happy with things we have done wrong… But the biggest hurt we receive when she is hard with us, and the tears it brings to her eyes… Sometimes when Daddy is in a dress, Mom works to make him look more beautiful… I think sometimes she’s sad and hides her tears… She expresses love to Dad the same ordinary way she does to us.”
People could hardly talk when they finished speaking. We did use the last tissues we had.
I wished I could have wrapped those kids in my arms and hid the rest of the night away, but alas I was so happy inside. I am glad I am me and not Joe/Jaz. I think it is easier being the same person all the time. I wish Joe was Joe more often, and I wished that Jaz was not growing to be a bigger part of that life. Jaz for now and I suspect forever is part of the person I love as my mate.
Some people say I am strong and ask how I can do what I do. I say I am in love and married and that the two/three have become one. I love the idea that Jaz could someday bear our child, but I am not sure I can talk her into that.
JENN
Dad’s back to a new normal, dressing sometimes as himself and his breasts are returning to a new normal a size b, hardly noticeable if wrapped and he’s wearing the right clothes. Dad is back to being Dad in the way he is there for us 90% of the time. Cathy is the only one who regularly gets away with putting her hand into his shirt and touching a breast. Not true, Sherry does it too. It is funny when Dad holds Sherry out in public and sometimes you can see where she tried to nurse him. That is especially true when we are out with Jaz.
I am beginning our second year of high school and The Mind Changers are getting more requests. We would be extra busy if our parents wouldn’t force us to be students first. I have to keep band as a class which means marching in the fall and playing for football games. I did insist that I play guitar whenever I can. The band instructor fought me, but with my parents' support, we reached compromise.
I do think we have one of the coolest pep bands at the high school level. “We are the Champions and many other popular songs sound better with guitars and Rhonda’s drums.” Playing Another One Bites the Dust probably wasn’t responsible for the victories this year, but it was enjoyable when we got to play it.
We did not play it when we won a 10-7 game over our arch-rival. The Seniors were angry with us until a newspaper said it reflected class and proper respect for the game of a good rival. We didn’t do things o get more business but it did earn the Mind Changers a couple of more gigs.
Meg got most of the household into something new come late September. She had read an article and wrote a report for her class. The assignment was to encourage people to make a difference with little to no cost. Someone challenged her as she anticipated about practicing what she was asking of others. The project was for donating a ponytail of hair in love for those who have lost hair due to cancer or other health reasons. Megan usually had long hair anyway and since March she only once had split ends cut off.
Cathy looked up to her sister and already enjoyed long hair. The hard sells were to me and Mom. Mom shared she would try but as a nurse and medical student, she was not sure if she could. Mom suggested if Jaz would she would try too.
Dad for six weeks now was trying to be Joe as much as he could. Unbeknown to Dad, Megan recruited Wanda’s support through Dad’s work. Dad quickly volunteered to grow his hair 12” long, if it would be okay with his workplace. Dad had tried to make the request to an unsympathetic VP of Marketing.
But Wanda required the request go up the normal route which was first through her. Wanda made one request and that was for Dad either to dress full-time as Jaz or to cut the hair if it would become a problem.
Megan reported at dinner that she had all family members save one, Dan. Dan’s refusal got support from both Mom and Dad. Sara shared if it was six volunteers from the house Meg was looking for she would be more than happy to be the sixth.
Megan made a formal request for volunteers during her class presentation and opened it to all within the school district. She gave a sign-up date for just before Thanksgiving — Locks for Thanksgiving. The final tally was seven teachers, 57 seven students, and another 33 from the community. One nice surprise was some seven volunteers were male. Three salons offered participants free shampoos, conditioning, and styling.
For most volunteers, it would become an 18-month commitment.
Our band was invited to play at a dance two towns over, but we were the second band to be listed. Rhonda and Sara had already agreed we would do the dance. The other band was well known and we were afraid of being outclassed. We were to have two 45 minutes segments but the headline band threatened to cut us down to 30 minutes each time.
Dad got on the phone and used Jaz’s voice. Later he shared with our band, he had been in that circumstance several times, and the most effective way through it was to listen but not to agree. He suggested we finish each segment with a segment of four or more songs. He insisted we needed to be ready to perform really well. He would gently raise the volume as we went to the next song. After our first 45 minute segment, Sara gave a warm welcome to the other band. Those being angry with us were caught off guard by our nice introduction and their first two songs came across as weak and dragging. We were ready and began to play as soon as they took their break.
During the second segment, we did two songs that we knew but had not yet played in performance. Dad had done his homework and our two new songs were regular standards of the other band. One they kept but it did not go over well with the crowd.
The other band had prepared and expected to end at 11:00 pm. which was normal for school dances, but community centers traditionally had bands playing until 11:30 and hoped they would do a couple of extra songs past that. While we had turned off our instruments and pulled off our guitars at the end of our second performance we were ready and plugging things in when they closed at 11:00.
The community boosters who sponsored the dance had not realized that the lead band had filled in the wrong performance times. They appreciated our being ready and filling in the extra time.
It earned us the extra $50 given as bonuses for good performances. The extra money was nice but the fact there were at least three scouts for future performances was even better. Since we were limiting our performances, we had more requests than we could fill.
Dad did not make our decisions but as the adult, he was often the one first approached for future performances. That night we would receive three offers, as well as having received three offers the past two weeks. Dad casually informed them there were six requests for every 3-4 open dates.
The terms on four of the requests were significantly increased. The fourth date was blocked out for a holiday concert at the regional hospital. Karen, Joe, and Jaz were all on the hour and a half program. Dad hoped to end the concert as Joe but we inked in Karen and Joe to open the concert and featured Dad on the guitar to finish the segment.
It was neat as Joe stayed and played some. He was usually just an extra guitar and stayed in the background being there for us. Rhonda and Sara both complimented on how great it was that such a talent enhanced the program yet was so invisible.
When Jaz came back later with Mom, Jaz fit into the group as another member. The closing number, if there would be no encore, was a duet by Sara and me but Sara gave her part to Jaz. The crowd was especially quiet and into our singing. It received one of the biggest ovations of the night.
Most didn’t get the implications but come to Silent Night, I handed Jaz, Dad’s guitar. After the first verse, he alone accompanied the band and the crowd in the song. The concert was played over the hospital’s TV channel. Comments following the concert were that Silent Night moved patients and staff around the hospital, “It was as if the Spirit of all that is holy, engulfed and moved through the hospital and eased many over and again.”
During the concert, Sara, Robin, Karen, Jaz, and I were asked to interact with the audience on at least one song. Sara and I did it on quite a few songs so it did not seem any big deal. The third song Jaz was with us I tapped her and pointed to a group of doctors. She was singing a ballad and was at her third doctor when he began to dance with her as she was already gently moving. At the end of the song, he asked her if she would sing to a group of children after the concert.Joe/Jaz
An hour after the concert we had been greeted by many in the crowd, took turns at the reception and in packing our stuff. Karen and I were visiting when Dr. Michaels approached sharing’ a small group of patients were still waiting. I asked Karen to go but the band needed her to drive the band van back to Rhonda’s and get us home.
She told Dr. Michaels, he either released Jaz from her obligation or needed to drive her home. I took my guitar and our small amplifier with me. Dr. Michaels led me to the Ped unit and Jaz was quite a hit with the children. Seven had stayed up and another ten came out as I sang and played. One teen requested me to sing a song to Dr. Michaels. It was a romantic song and as I was ending the song, Dr. Michaels thanked me with a kiss and hug.
I visited with two patients one on one at the staff’s request as Dr. Michaels checked on some patients. Dr. Michaels was tired and distraught over one of his patients. We visited in the doctors’ lounge and I was not thinking of it like a man and woman visiting as I consoled him.
But I did realize I was becoming passionate with him and a hug ended with a warm kiss. We knew we were at an awkward place but I either needed him to drive me home or call Karen for a ride. We had placed the equipment in his back seat, but as I was ready to get in the front seat we were again locked in a passionate embrace. On the way home Doc shared he was attracted to women like me and would like to rendezvous with me sometime. By the time I got home, I communicated I would not be meeting with him. He walked me to the door with the amplifier and gave me another kiss as we said good-bye.
Having put the equipment away I was going to take a shower and go to bed. Karen asked me how the night went and why things took so long and realized I was crying as I tried to answer. I shared what happened and she was both hurt and understanding.
"It was a long day for both of you and I did not warn you that he would be attracted to you."
I shared that when I began to take time and listen I did so as Joe, but appeared and responded as Jaz. Karen told me, “I hate to tell you that his indiscretions as a doctor are usually overlooked and the woman needs to stop things or accept her part in such encounters.”
“I accept my part in it but I am ashamed.” We talked and Karen shared she too needed to learn as she has found herself in embraces with three other women the past year before she backed away. The relationship between Karen and Jaz had opened emotions and situations we were not used to dealing with.
“I do not mean to extend this as a statement of permission, but I would not be surprised you are bedded by someone who knows who you are. I have visited with Dr. Darla and a psychiatrist in this area. They both think you probably want and are likely to seek a man to love you and penetrate you… Part of me is happy you said no to Dr. Michaels while part of me hopes it is someone like him who you do it with.”
“How can you say that?”
“Can you tell me, you are not going to take someone to bed who can penetrate you and physically love like that?” I started to say ‘No’ three times but stopped. I knew I had, I felt if Dr. Michaels had led me to a safe room it might have happened tonight.