I am Not a Girl
The Story of Alex
I don’t look like a girl! Do I? Alex asked his mirror.
This adventure is told in four chapters.
Rights reserved by author, permission granted to Big Closet
Synopsis
Alex Winslow our protagonist is your typical teenaged target victimized by the jungle otherwise known as the local school district. As in most stories of this type the author decided to focus on the inner conflict. Rather than the frequent story where parents fight the school district to allow their child to attend as a girl a different direction is attempted. There will be no homophobic attacks by redneck types. No angry jocks committing physical violence against our heroine.
Instead we ask the question what if. What if Alex does not want to be a girl? What if his family relocates for reasons that have nothing to do with this issue. What if because of his affliction everyone assumes he is a girl? What if he discovers this mistake means the bullies leave him alone and he goes along with it? What if his parents are in denial and refuse treatment due to religious beliefs? What if his bonding with best friends forever begin to change his outlook?
This is an examination of possible internal conflict rather than external. Because every story needs conflict. This is presented in four chapters approximately the same length as My Magic PDA The first three chapters are complete and the fourth is in proofing. Hope to get the first chapter up by tomorrow August 27. With the rest to follow in short order.
Will try not to bore you with more hints. The goal is to not produce something that has been done to death. Too many fine writers here to simply redo what has already been done. Who knows when the next story will occur.
Outline
Chapter 1 Digging Deeper
It bothered him every time other students teased him. It bothered him when he found puffy growth on his chest. It bothered him when he seemed to not grow. It bothered him a lot to the extent he could not wait to escape to a new town.
Chapter 2 Charting The Course
Alex had dug himself a deep hole. He could no longer navigate without a plan. A plan would be beyond his ability to craft. He had to enlist help.
Chapter 3 Struggle
Mother has discovered Alex’s secret how will she react?
Chapter 4 Acceptance
Alex comes to terms with the changes.
Chapter 1 Digging Deeper

Alex Winslow through medical circumstances that determined his condition did contribute to what happened to him. It was his parent’s refusal to act on medical advice and Alex’s reactions that made things progressively worse.
The setting, though vague in the story is in southeastern Iowa. The family had moved from an Iowa suburb of Omaha, Nebraska to a small village of five thousand or less in the farm belt. The move had nothing to do with the boy’s condition.
Rights reserved by author, permission granted to Big Closet
Revised with professional editor.
“I don’t look like a girl.“ At least that is what Alex keeps telling himself. He ignores what the evidence might suggest. At seventeen having recently moved to a new town on the other side of Iowa, he can start again. At five foot six inches tall with a slender build he is the right size for a girl. It does not help that his chestnut brown hair is long for a boy. His locks stop as they brush the top of his shoulders while framing his face. Perhaps it is the feminine style feathered gently as soft bangs caress his brow. The bangs nearly hide the trimmed mild arch of a brown thin ribbon of delicate lashes. It is this style that may have encouraged the teasing he received. He says it bothers him every time a passing citizen or sales clerk calls him miss. He does not question his refusal to get a more masculine cut?
It bothered him every time other students teased him. It bothered him when he found puffy growth on his chest. It bothered him when he did not to grow. It bothered him a lot to the extent he could not wait to escape to a new town. He discovered his chest hairs were falling out.
Alex looks into the mirror as he adjusts his heart shaped gold earrings. Yes in the plural they are a pair. He did that as a reaction to the teasing at his last school. To his way of thinking try as he might he could not change their behavior. As he stood in front of the mirror he thought, ‘ok I will give them something to rant about.’ He succeeded with his rash action because his situation became worse. The teasing increased compounding the lad’s misery. Fortunately, he escaped the urban jungle to a rural conservative village of less than five thousand. Alex questioned if this may not be worse considering what he had heard about the Bible Belt. How different could it be from what he faced at home? His parents were Fundamentalists believing everything was according to the Lord’s plan.
That may explain just why his parents decided to forgo treatment for Alex’s condition. He suffered from gynecomastia having a perfectly formed pair of 32A breast. They were exactly where you would expect them to be. The doctor explained in brief when his father demanded to know. Norman pressed the issue, “just what is going on?”
Doctor Grant explained in a clinical voice. “The condition can occur physiologically in neonates and caused in part by female hormones in the mother. It can occur rarely in adolescence and in the elderly. Both in adolescence and elderly it is an abnormal condition associated with disease or metabolic disorders. In adolescent boys the condition is often a source of distress. For the large majority of boys whose pubescent gynecomastia is not due to obesity, the breast development shrinks or disappears within a couple of years.”
Norman Winslow processed this information from Dr. Grant. He focused on one phrase. “The breast development shrinks or disappears within a couple of years.” To Norman this meant the Lord was testing his son. The church elder understood Alex must bear this cross to emerge a stronger person. Gladys Winslow, Alex’s mother was not so sure but she knew her role was to support her husband. She always had been a good wife. She asked herself, ‘when did being a good wife become a conflict with being a good mother?’
The doctor ran tests to determine there was an elevation in estrogen and a lower than normal testosterone. His recommendation was to treat with injections of the latter.
Alex’s parents objected claiming that the Lord will heal their son. Dr. Grant hesitated to challenge the parents. He heard this reaction often from people in this area. The Doctor agreed to nothing and monitor. He advised the parents that if the situation worsened they would have to allow treatment or face possible state intervention. Doctor Grant provided a medical exemption to excuse participation in gym for Alex. The doctor knew full well the harassment the boy would face. He did not tell them was if left untreated Alex could actually begin to lactate. That is in the extreme and not likely. Perhaps he should have, the fear alone may have panicked the family into accepting treatment.
Doctor Grant thought that unlikely. He believed close monitoring of the hormone levels would reveal what was going on. He expected that once Alex began late puberty the breasts would shrink. The parents refusal of hormonal treatment would merely slow the process down. He saw no immediate danger to the lad.
Alex had tired of repeatedly having to correct people. When he did they’d acted like the perceived girl was trying to play head games. Some in his old neighborhood thought he was a dyke. Most often they relied on various forms of name calling. Torment came physically in the form of the accidental bump in the shoulder as he walked the hall. They applied just enough force to spin him around Alex had no girl friend nor was his group of friends very expansive. He joined the reject group encouraging his fading further into the background.
His parents pressed him to become active in school clubs, groups and gatherings. There was little open to him as his passion was art. He had no desire to participate in band, chest club or some other, as he called it, lame activity. The years of high school had become pure torment. The boy had no difficulty accepting the transfer to the thinly populated part of the state. He had no intent to join any groups in the new school.
Alex had decided to go with the flow. If they wanted to think he was a girl, it would be fine with him. He adopted the attitude it could not get any worse. His big problem continued to be his abnormal breast. They were not the easiest feature to hide. The advantage was his small cup size revealed nothing notable unless someone looked close. This was an option he discouraged. Alex discovered they were enjoyable when he was alone. We will not go into that now. The doctor strongly advised against strapping them down to hide the minor ridge formed on his chest. Then again Doc Grant did not have to suffer the slings and arrows advice is cheap. He did suggest a bra. Alex’s father balked again bringing up the Lord. His mother uncharacteristically said “the Lord never had to carry them around. Besides if the Lord gave these to Alex why would he object to use of the garment designed to ease the burden?”
Mother, urged her son to wear a bra. Alex resisted as he believed doing such would make them stand out exacerbating the problem. At some level it would be an acceptance, an admission of defeat. He was not going to fight the “I am a male” battle again in his new school. He did not want to encourage or re-enforce the perception he was a girl either. Doctor Grant stated at their present size having support was not crucial. He did warn of serious consequences if they grew larger. The Doctor could not insist on surgery until he found the underlying cause. He chose a treatment regimen consisting of quarterly exams. The next one scheduled during Christmas break. Alex appeared to Doctor Grant as a confused boy who looked like a girl. He claimed to resent it. his actions encourage a feminine appearance. It was a classic case of denial. Grudgingly the physician accepted the parent’s Bible belt norms and waited for his expected crisis.
Alex agonized over the condition of his clothing. His narrow waist required rather small size jeans. The smaller jeans would not fit over his larger hips. Jeans that fit his hips were too long and loose at the waste. He solved this by tightening his belt and rolling his pant legs up. It added to his problem caused by his abnormal breasts. The solution was to wear large tee shirts though he really needed size medium. They had to be the Hanes Beefy style to hide his feminine chest. Wearing this combination did not completely conceal his secret completely but it was all he could manage. The look was not exactly high school chic. Tee shirts and jeans were the official uniform of the farm belt. The extra sized tee shirt worn tucked into the jeans helped cushion the strangle hold of the belt.
Gladys had long given up fighting with the boy when it came to buying clothes. She knew Alex would only wear jeans, tees and sneakers. She simply handed him some cash and dropped him at Wal-Mart. Money was tight and jeans are jeans according to Gladys. Alex relaxed when he considered his older sister Jamie was away at college. What soothed his concern was that his mother had not suggested he borrow some of her left behind clothing. He had a secret fear mom would bring that up. She never had. That was because of her narrow religious ideals. He noticed her glances when she saw a cute skirt or dress. He saw how she would gaze at him. ‘Oh no” he moaned thinking ‘we are not going there.’ Inside the store he stood in the men’s department holding up a size 28 waist 30 length pair of jeans. A girl startled him when she spoke. A sales girl approached, “miss those men’s Jeans will never work.” Alex blinked, “what?”
The girl offered her assessment. "To fit your hips the waist will be too big. I'm afraid the length will be way off." She introduced herself. “I’m Kathy a senior at the high school. You are new aren’t you?” Alex takes a breath. “Yes, a senior as well, my name is Alex.” “You look like a size six come on over here.” She walked to the misses department, “Petit correct?”
Alex smiled uncertain. She handed him a pair of jeans without any frilly design. Just a straight styled pair of Lady Wranglers. “Try these we have them in skinny if you prefer.”
Sheepishly Alex took the proffered jeans and stepped into the changing room. It was amazing how they formed to his hips while fitting perfectly at the waist. The length was exact as well.
Alex stepped out to see a beaming Kathy. “Perfect. You see I was right. With your figure you need to accent it. What about tops?”
Alex shook his head, “tees, white preferably.”
Kathy eyed him shaking her head. “We can do better than that.” She handed him a white soft combed cotton turtle neck.
Alex eyed it suspiciously. “I like them loose.”
Kathy handed him the next size up. “That will still hang right and be rather loose.” She eyed him carefully. “If you don’t mind it will not show of your,” she giggled. “You know.”
Alex smiled, “that’s ok. I go for comfort.” He selected several pairs of jeans kept the turtle neck adding a second in powder blue. Kathy also convinced him to buy two chamois shirts to wear unbuttoned over the turtle necks during cold weather. She commented. “Chamois is softer than flannel but offer the same look. Even the guys are wearing them.”
The buttons were on the wrong side he noted considering ‘I can wear them just like a flannel and they will highlight the turtle neck.’ Kathy helped him find a pair of white sneakers that were just the right fit. He then slipped back to the men’s department to grab three packages of those beefy tees. It wasn’t until he got home that he discovered those sneakers had a tiny almost unnoticeable pink stripe. It covered the strip where the shoe met the sole.
Gladys identified the jeans as girls but she pretended not to notice preferring not to bring the subject up. At the breakfast table Norman, his father smiled noting Alex managed to find some jeans that were a decent fit. The boy simply commented “Wal-Mart must have found a new supplier.”
Mom laughed inwardly not wanting to bring attention to the fact they were girls jeans. She did not want to test father’s ire, nor embarrass her son. Alex would do that on his own before the meal ended though the woman did not know that.
Norman finally broke what had become an extended silence. When he said, “Alex you should get your hair cut.”
Alex turned away looking toward the window. “I like it the way it is. I am thinking of growing it out”
Norman pressed, “you wonder why they call you a girl. Those earrings, that haircut, you bring this on yourself.” The man said impatiently.
Alex was doing a slow burn and did not want to prolong this argument any more. He was sick of it. He excused himself from the table going upstairs. He could hear his mother trying to calm his father down. Then Alex did something perhaps he should not have. He entered his sister’s room with the thought. ‘I will show him.’
Ever since Alex had returned from Wal-Mart the hormones engaged the lust gene. As he stood in his sister’s room his thoughts took a turn. Alex had envisioned Kathy while he massaged his male attribute. The small organ produced nothing. He could clearly see the pretty girl in his mind but there was no stimulus. It was when he fondled his chest the unexpected large deposit occurred creating considerable clean up time.
It did not take very long to locate a pair of short denim bibbed shorts designed that way. As some girls did Jami had not cut off a pair of standard bib overalls. She had purchased a girls bibbed overall shorts set with a matching light blue denim top. Alex quickly dressed in Jami’s outfit. He went so far as to include a pair of her white nylon panties. In the mirror he could see a girl wearing a three quarter sleeved blue top and a small unseen white bra with the overalls.
Dressed in his sister’s clothes he stepped into the kitchen. The bib straps and bra accented his obvious chest making it clear this was a profile of an attractive girl. “If I wanted to encourage them Dad, emphasizing Dad,” Alex began, “I would show off these.” He pointed to his undeniable chest. “It is not the hair dad, nor the earrings, it’s these. You want me to show you without the shirt?”
Norman’s brows shot up in surprise as he gazed at his son speechless. He tried to conceal his rage at the boy threatening to bare his breast. Norman crossed himself. Gladys thought, ‘he is beautiful.’
Alex’s father finally managed to speak. “You look ridiculous get out of that outfit.”
The boy stepped back having made his point. As it often goes with adolescents they continue to press when they don't have to. Events spiral downward when those raging hormones are in control. This time the hormones directed anger. “Dad this is the Lord’s will. He gave me this figure why should I hide it?” Norman’s eyes signaled danger and Gladys rested her hands on Alex’s shoulders and turned him to face the stairs. In a soft controlled voice she said, “go change.” Alex froze at the bottom step not moving. Anger certainly controlled his action. Alex being passive aggressive could not openly challenge but he could not yield submissively either. The boy looked at his father replying. “I need to go for a walk first.”
He found himself traveling toward the village over residential sidewalks with no destination in mind. A young man driving an older convertible slowed, gazed at Alex, smiled and waved as he drove off. Alex barely noticed head down with slowing steps compared to the speed he stormed out the house. There were several guys throwing a football in a vacant lot at Alex approached.
Suddenly the errant throw by a tall dark haired fellow landed on the sidewalk. It bounced once hitting Alex’s foot glancing up nearly hitting Alex in the face. Good reflexes allowed the boy to catch it. Alex examined the ball in his hand and smiled about the time he heard a voice call. “Sorry it got away. Throw it back will you?”
Alex looked at the dark haired six foot plus guy noting his friends smiling at him. With a classic almost perfect spiral Alex’s toss landed cradled in the guy’s hands. “There you go.” Alex called before turning to cross the street.
Jake flipped the football from one hand to the other as he watched Alex cross the street. He focused on those perfect legs exposed by the shorts. Each step Alex took caused more stares focused by several faces. Jake marveled at the perfect chestnut hair he simply starred speechless. He suddenly dropped the football resulting from an unexpected poke in the back. “So you aren’t going after her following your perfectly faked bad throw?” Pete’s voice needled him as the guys started to echo the question.
Alex reached the other side of the street turning toward the direction of his home. He had walked enough to mollify his temper. “Hey” called a voice Alex heard from behind. Alex turned to see someone gaining on him. He thought, ‘shit not in town but a few days and the bull shit starts.’ He stopped facing the expectant bully, “yeah?”
Jake looked at Alex with an odd combination of bashfulness and confidence. This was not at all what Alex expected. Jake extends his hand, “I’m Jake captain of the football team. That was a hell throw you made.”
Surprised, Alex smiles, “thanks but I was just lucky.” Alex considers ‘I will try to cut this short don’t want to antagonize.’
Taking his time to release Alex’s hand allowed Jake’s friends to catch up. Jake introduces his friends. “This is Pete, Max and Ugh.” The third boy offered a grimace. Alex laughs though he thought. ‘I should not have done that.’ Alex simply smiles dreading what comes next. Jake speaks again. “You did not tell me your name new kid in town.”
Alex laughs repeating “the new kid in town?” In an attempt to deflect the attention from himself he asks, “why do you call him Ugh?” He pointed to the house sized guy. Pete interjects, “he is our linebacker everything he says comes out sounding like an ugh.”
Jake now laughing with Pete and Max presses Alex. "The new kid does have a name, doesn’t she?" He steps closer to Alex. Alex blinks, ‘may as well get this over.’ “It’s Alex.” Then he takes a step back. Before anyone can speak Pete blurts out, “Jen is going to get pissed about this.”
Turning to face Pete Jake reminds him Jen broke up with him and it’s none of her business. This strange interaction is just beginning to dawn on Alex. As he turned his head to face Pete, he glimpsed his denim shirt. Then it hit him. In a half panic he said quickly after making a show of looking at his watch. “I’m late I have to get home.”
“It was nice to meet you Alexandra. Jake sensually dragged out pronunciation of Alexandra. See you in school,“ Jake finished with a decided puppy dog gleam in his eye. As Alex walked down the street in a deliberate measured gait not too fast, not too slow he faintly hears Max say, “wow is she ever hot.” This was followed by Jake answering, “hands off.”
“I am not a girl but I sure as hell look like one.” Alex exclaims as he almost dives through his front door seeking shelter. His thoughts ranged from, ‘shit to shit some more. I have to figure out a way to avoid school’. He calls downstairs to his mother. “Mom did you ever think about home schooling?”
His mother fired back quickly, “not on your life.” Alex slams his bedroom door. He stares into the mirror admiring himself having not changed out of his sister’s clothes. ‘It would be much easier if this was me. Those jokers thought I was a girl. ‘If only, they knew the truth.’ He paused, ‘if, No when is more like it I’m toast.’
Gladys calls up to Alex. “Do you mind doing me a favor?” Alex answers, “what is It.” His mother answers, “I have to go into town. I, don’t have much time. The school wants the doctor’s report by the end of the day so they can set your schedule. They are open for another hour. If I drop you off, will you run it in? I will pick you up on my way back.”
Alex goes down the stairs forgetting he had not changed his clothes. Mother looks at him with a wry smile. “I, don’t have time to wait you are going to have to go like that.” Alex blinks, “it will only take a minute.”
Mom comes back. “We, don’t have a minute. With all the kids coming and going do you think that secretary will even notice? Say you are just dropping it off. You don’t have to say who you are.” Alex gets into the car thinking ‘I am doomed.’
He enters the school walking the empty hall to the principal’s office. Mrs. Marsh looks up from her desk as Alex hands her the report. “The school wanted this today.” He hands her the form adding “my gym exemption is in there as well.” Mrs. Marsh glances at it adding “good we need that. I will mail your schedule tomorrow. You should have it by Thursday. Welcome to our school.” It was her answer that brought Alex to reality ‘I said my gym exemption. Shit! that was stupid’
Alex nods exiting without seeing anyone other than two girls who come out of a door marked guidance office. Fortunately, his mother is already pulling into the parking lot. Thankful the boy makes his escape to the safety to his mother’s car. He looks out the window to see two girls waving. Alex closed his eyes like a condemned prisoner would.
Mrs. March eyes the paperwork; the doctor was brief not fully describing the nature of the girl’s physical abnormality. It was clear she was having issues with her breast and possible future mastectomy. Mrs. March nearly wept thinking about the brave and beautiful young girl who gave no sign of the seriousness of her plight. Mrs. March also noted the previous school misspelled the girl’s name having spelled Alexandra with er instead of ra. She corrected that and filed the paper work.
It took the boy less than five minutes to shed his sister’s clothes and flee her room. He absently grabbed off a pair or her panties. The white brief type still in the package as Jami refused to wear them because they were after all grannie’s gotchies as Jamie had referred to them. He looked at them for a long moment wondering ‘why did I do that?’ He shrugged, tossed them into the corner forgetting about it.
On Thursday when the mail arrived Alex opened the letter from school. There was a cover letter and a separate class schedule.
His schedule, marked A. Winslow listed the eight periods day by day. The gym exemption was for the entire term. He gave the cover letter to his mother to remind her they needed a medical update to continue the gym exemption for the spring term. There was a note typed at the bottom of the schedule. Dear Alexandra welcome to our school we wish you a successful learning experience. ‘Oh shit it will be an interesting one at least.’ He thought.
Then it began, the phone rang. “Alex it’s for you,” his mother yelled from downstairs. Curiously, he picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Alex, it is me Jake. I wanted to know if you'd watch football practice on Saturday.”
The boy startled stammered “how did you get my number?”
Jake reported “you are the only Winslow in town. I see you bought the old Claymore place. What do you say can you make it?”
Alex hesitated, “uh Saturday no can do my parents made plans for me. Sister is in college you know what a pain that is.” He held the phone hoping to end this call. Fortunately Jake accepted the excuse. “Ok I will see you school after the holiday.”
Gladys came upstairs to speak to Alex. “I told you not to worry you made a friend already.”
Jake shook his head, “no Ma. He was looking for someone named Alexandra.”
Alex again looked into the mirror and he saw himself looking more like a girl. There was no hair on his legs as revealed by the short denim cutoffs he wore. His beefy tea mostly hid the curve on his chest but not completely. This was another one of those steamy August evenings often experienced in fly over country. Alex shrugged, ‘too hot to wear jeans to hide this. Oh well screw em’
At the dinner table Norman asked his son if he could bring a package to the post office to mail to Jami. Alex tilts his head upward surprised. “I thought we were driving out to see her.”
Norman answers, “we were but I have to meet with Reverend Morgenstern to review the budgets.”
“Morgenstern? A Baptist minister named Morgenstern. Dad how weird is that?”
“Don’t ask it is a long story. Your mother got called in because one of the nurse’s aides is out sick. So we, can’t go. Will you do it?”
Alex recalled seeing the post office across the road from the football field next to the high school. “Dad I was looking forward to seeing Jami.” Alex’s father looks up surprised as Alex was never close to his sister.
“Alex what is this sudden desire to see your sister?”
He struggles for an excuse before he blurted out something sounding like “I have not seen her in months and wanted to talk to her, that’s all.”
Mrs. Winslow giggles while almost coughing up her tea. “You have sudden guilt pains and need to confess you wore her clothes without asking?”
Norman cautioned his wife. “Gladys, Alex and I prayed for his forgiveness. Alex promised not to use anyone’s personal property without permission. It is not fair to chastise the boy. The Lord has forgiven him.” Gladys appeared humbled.
Alex smiles while pressing his luck. “Yes, I feel terrible about that and need to confess to her. I did not want to do it over the phone.”
Gladys nods, “quite right. You drop me off at work and then you can drive to the college. I can get a ride home. You need not worry about that.” Norman nods his assent. “Call your sister to tell her you are coming. She may be able to let you stay at her place over night. You can drive home on Sunday. I’d rather not have you pay the cost of a motel. You call me when you get there. Then call in the morning when you leave.”
Puzzled, wondering what kind of mess he got himself into he agrees saying, “I will call her tonight.” He excuses himself to go outside to sit on the porch. Alex sits on the wicker lounge his legs curled under him watching the sunset. The window behind him is open to the kitchen. His parent’s voices filter through though they are talking low.
Father says to his wife. “What are we going to do with that boy”
“Norman don’t worry he is a good boy just having a hard time. You can’t imagine how hard it is for him. I pray you change your mind about those treatments.”
The man says to his wife, “I have prayed it is in the Lord’s hands. We will speak of it no more Gladys.”
Gladys reminds her husband that on the first of the year Alex will be eighteen and Lord or no Lord it will be his decision and there is nothing his father can do about it. Upon hearing his mother Alex’s eyes widen. ‘I never considered that I can have them chopped off.’ He smiles, and then frowns. ‘What happens then? Everybody thinks I am a girl and that football player will beat the shit out of me.’
Alex’s watched two girls walking along the sidewalk in front of the porch. Kathy the Wal-Mart girl was wearing a white skirt with a green top. The girl with her was wearing a khaki knee length skort and red halter style top. Though Alex had no idea it was a skort, he liked the look of it. Kathy was a honey blond with longer hair than Alex while the other girl’s hair was almost the same as his. Hers, was a slightly lighter brown. Kathy noticed Alex; she turned to her friend. “See I told you just like yours.” Without stopping she waves to Alex, “Hi.”
The two girls begin chatting like long lost friends. “I like those shorts Alex. They show off your legs” Regan says. Alex smiles minimizing as he explained they were old cut off jeans. They had been laying around forever. With a blush he admits he cut them too short and won’t go out in public wearing them. Regan comes back with a teasing, “trolling shorts hey?”
Alex blushes as Regan continues, “like my skort the guys think it is a short skirt only to discover it is a skirt wrapped around shorts.” Alex nods, “but I am not trolling.”
Kathy giggles, “I hear you don’t have to you already landed Jake.”
Alex, flushes feeling the blush rise. “What are you talking about?”
Regan answers, “we saw the boy in town awhile ago. He is so into a girl named Alex. We thought he had a lobotomy. It was Alex this, Alex that. You are the only Alex in town we know about.” They both giggled saying in unison, “Jen is going to be one pissed prom queen.”
Alex in near panic asks, “Who is Jen?” The girls answer in unison, “Head cheerleader babe who dumped Jake and commanded her followers to stay away.” Now Alex gets really worried. ““Jake is not on my radar.” The girls smile emitting an elongated “sure. We have to get going it was good to meet you Alex. Oh don’t wear shorts around the guys.” Kathy adds.
Kathy Wyatt was in her senior year as well. The girl was about the same height as Alex, perhaps a half inch taller. She was a pretty girl who was not in Queen Jen’s entourage. Kathy settled into a group of cool girls everyone wanted for a friend. The girl with her was Reagan Anderson equally desirable and popular as Kathy. Reagan's hair style and color proved a striking similarity to Alex. With the same shaped face, height and eyes they could be mistaken for sisters.
The boy answers sheepishly. “Why do you say that?” Kathy looks to Reagan with a wry smile. “Like she does not know those legs are killer.” Reagan laughs, “right.” They leave saying they will see Alex in school. Alex nods and goes in the house. As he starts up the stairs he hears his mother. “Alex that letter from school mentioned a schedule. Will you bring it down here? I’d like to see it.” Alex nods mumbling, “K”
In his room he hurries to scan it into his computer. The top line read, A. Winslow, 17 Female, Senior. He quickly converted the file into a doc, changed the Female to Male and printed up a new sheet. He thought ‘this is becoming a classic fubar in a hurry. What the hell am I going to do? I don’t want them going to the school demanding a correction to that female listing. At least until I can figure out what is going on’ He gave the copy to his mother and scampered upstairs when she nodded her approval. Alex decided he had to call Jami.
Jami answered her cell on the second ring with a note of surprise in her voice. “Alex?”
The boy answered explaining their parents were not coming because of work emergencies. That did not bother her in the least which did not surprise the boy. Parents and daughter have been at odds over religion for years. Especially since Jami became a liberal who embraced all kinds of causes not favorable to conservative parents.
“I will be bringing your package up alone. Do you have room for me to crash with you overnight or do I need to find a motel? Mom and dad wanted me to ask you ahead of time.”
Jami with surprise in her voice said, “why don’t you just mail it?”
Alex reported, “I can’t because I need to see you.” Jami detected the strain in his voice right off. “Alex why are you crying? What did they do to you?”
The boy denied any tears. “It is a crisis and I have to talk with you. There is nobody else I can trust.”
His response surprised Jami. She knew Alex had no friends and was the school target. “You are the only one I can trust” Alex said.
Jami, puzzled thought, 'we are not close and never have been. This must be bad.' Jami could not imagine what this is about. She was beyond curious. “Little brother you must tell me what is so important?” Now she could hear the tears.
Between sniffles the boy told her, “not on the phone, please I need you.”
Jami grows quite concerned. “Alex are you all right is it safe for you to drive?” she could hear him as he gave his assurances.
Jami, somewhat relieved acquiesced in her resistance to Alex’s insistence he would be all right. Her curiosity about what troubled him had rose to a level where she finally answered. “Yes, you can stay over night. Tell mom and dad it is ok. Meet me at the bench in the south quad near the fountain. I will be waiting there at ten.”
Alex agrees with Jami closing, “see you tomorrow and please be careful.”

This is what Alex borrowed from his sister’s room to wear when he went to meet with her. This was the best way to illustrate his problem, he thought.
Alex had dug himself a deep hole. He could no longer navigate without a plan. A plan would be beyond his ability to craft. He had to enlist help.
Revised and edited. Rights reserved by author. Permission granted to Big Closet.
Alex darted into his room just before seven A.M. with a bundle secreted under his arm. The package he pilfered from his sister’s trunk contained the contents of the outfit he would wear when he meets his sister. ‘I guess I am not exactly sneaking this as I will show it to Jami’, he rationalized. He spread the items on his bed to examine and then folded them into his overnight bag. He viewed the mocha chocolate knit skirt with a suppleness presenting a feeling ever so sensual to him. It fit a conservative length falling just above his knee. The silky camisole style peach colored top with narrow straps both scared and excited him. He did not know if it was silk or not. It felt like silk to him. He secured a simple cotton bra with front clasps that did not enhance his attributes. If one can call a feature you don’t want an attribute. Others certainly see them as assets. He had also included a half slip that he wore under the skirt which did not show hiding any panty line. He tried on each item then nearly passed out when he looked into the mirror. The boy was terrified.
Mother could be heard calling from downstairs “it is almost seven thirty I have to go.” Alex grabbed his bag having just finished throwing on a tee, shorts and those pink striped sneakers. He suddenly appeared before his mother, “I’m ready.”
The long drive began with Gladys issuing the parental instructions in rapid fire succession. Poor Alex barely had time to respond as mother prattled. “You did not forget the package for Jami? What about directions, do you have a change of clothes and clean underwear?”
Alex giggled to himself, ‘oh yes I have clean underwear. Nice soft nylon briefs.’
Mother went on, “you have your license? You will obey the speed limit, tell Jami I love her and call when you get there.”
The boy nodded as he dropped his mother at work. She kissed his cheek upon exiting the car. Alex breathed deeply sucking up his courage and drove toward the throughway. Two hours later he reached the last rest stop before the exit to the college. Inside a stall in the ladies room he changed into his sister’s clothes. The cramped space caused him to bang his elbows more than once. If anyone noticed, nothing was said. He finally emerged looking like a pretty teen girl. His whole presentation changed and Alex knew he must become more aware than he normally had when he presented as Alexander.
More than a few heads turned as he walked toward his car. He could feel the eyes upon him as he experienced a new kind of fear. The boy had always been cautious using guarded actions because of the non stop abuse he suffered in his old school. But this was eerily different as he felt the sensual brush of his skirt and the warm air caressing his legs. He liked the feeling and the confidence generated by his obvious good looks. He had this feeling of foreboding familiar to people who looked like him. Alex breathed a sigh of relief as he sat on the seat, swung his legs inside as he had seen girls do a hundred times. He locked the door and buckled his seat belt. Alex focused on that next exit dreading his soon to be confrontation with his sister.
At about ten twenty he walked from the car toward a bench where he could see his sister. She was wearing jeans and a cami top not too different than the one he was wearing. Alex spoke on the phone while walking advising his mother he reached the school safely.
Jami sat on the bench with legs crossed looking at her watch. ‘Where is he? Typical, twenty minutes late. Oh well ten more minutes and he is s.o.l. I’m so out of here.’ She looks up to see a girl walking toward her about fifty yards away. The girl is talking on a cell phone in her right hand while the left presses a small package against her hip. Jami does double take thinking, ‘she is wearing an outfit just like one I have. It looks real good on her.’
Alex nears the bench where Jami sits. He has broken the connection with mother. He had to set the package down to place the phone in his purse. It only takes a moment to reach the bench; he smiles and sits next to his sister. “Hi Jami.”
The girl’s eyes open wider than any anime character‘s. Speechless for an eternal moment she speaks just as Alex’s expression turns sour. “What are you doing? Are you nuts?” She points to his breasts, “you glued those on or are they pads? What the hell are you doing wearing my clothes!”
Alex offers a hurtful look, his eyes fixed upon his shocked sister. “Your clothes because I need to illustrate my plight. Not nuts, desperate, Not glue, not pads, real. They are really me.”
Jami picks up the package from the bench. She stands taking Alex’s hand, “where are you parked?”
Alex points across the expansive lawns, “over there.” Jami starts walking with Alex toward the parking lot.
“I live in an apartment a few blocks from here. I will drive.” Jami says as they reach the vehicle.
Sheepishly Alex questions, “are you mad at me?” Jami shakes her head, “no just shocked beyond reason. I can’t wait to hear the story. I have to admit you are beautiful.” Alex blushed, Jami nods thinking, ‘it’s a girl alright.’
Jami sits on the edge of the sofa looking at her brother with awe. “First take off that top. I need to see this.” Alex blushes not enthusiastic about what Jami commands. “Sport I can’t help unless I see what you are talking about.” Alex blushes again but complies.
The girl stares at her brother’s 32A set of mammary growths. “J effen Christ,” she stalls, to avoid adding to her outburst considering her Fundamentalist brainwashed brother’s upbringing.
Alex sheepishly says, “Sis I’ve said worse than that.” They both laugh as Jami feels both of them. “Do they hurt?” Alex shakes his head giggling, “no to the contrary it feels good keep it up.” Jami lets go quickly barking, “I don’t swing that way bro. Cover yourself up and tell me all about it. Leave nothing out.”
The boy weaved his tale of woe highlighting how he had only a slightly puffy chest in the spring. Then by late July, these appeared. He tells of his parent’s reaction to Dr. Grant’s prescribed treatment and how prayer is the course of action.
Jami response is an outburst with a loud, “bastards.” Alex flinches as she continues. “What are you going to do? You can’t hide them.” She squeezes his hand, “you can’t strap them down more problems will develop that way. You really don’t want to go there.” She tries to minimize and lighten the situation by adding. “You are a heart breaker and you know it don’t you?”
Alex flinches nodding. “I’ve noticed and so have others.”
Jami narrows her brows, “others, what haven’t you told me? Out with it all Alexandra.” Emphasizing the feminine version of his name.
He slowly reports about Kathy, Regan, Jake, Jen, and the school secretary, exemption from gym, the letter and the school schedule. He included his parents know nothing about this. Alex sighed, “They all think I’m a girl.
Pacing back and forth Jami smiles, “so you can go to school as a girl. The captain of the football team has the hots for you. His ex is going to hate you and you already have two girls who are best friends. Christ! how I miss high school.” She added the latter with a taste of sarcasm. “It is not going to work you know. When they figure it out you’re dead.”
Alex sits back on the sofa smoothing his skirt. “I know but what in hell can I do? I can have them amputated in January.”
Jami watches her brother sit, ‘he has that down pat.’ she observes. Jami tells Alex to walk around the room for a moment while she thinks. He does so and she observes, ‘he walks like a girl. We might be able to pull this off.’ “Problem,” she begins. Alex blinks repeating, “problem?’
The girl nods, “you can’t have them amputated and expect no one will notice after four months of boys drooling over them. Even if you fake cancer going for the pity party route. They will still think you are a girl. Your transcripts will say girl. Did you think about that? Besides having an amputation does not address the underlying cause. In other words brother the reason you have tits.”
Nearly in a panic poor Alex can’t respond before Jami continues. “Then there is the football player. They have a tendency to get what they want. It is called entitlement. The girl friend will be worse. There is nothing like an angry queen bee. We need a course of action brother.”
Alex, mostly numb sits silently. “You came to the right place and you are in good hands Alexandra. But first you have to tell me do you want to do the girl thing or not?’ Jami gazes at Alex awaiting an answer.
“You know me sis, passive resistant. They all think I am a girl. Keep my mouth shut with a low profile and let it blow over.” Alex explained how he views it.
“Brother that will only work if you are willing to service Jake from your knees and somehow neutralize Jen.”
“No way!” exclaims Alex.
Jami smiles, “I take it you lust after girls not boys.” Alex shakes his head “I had not thought about it.”
With widened eyes, Jami says, “my sister is not a lesbian. Are you gay?” Alex claims he does not know he is just not interested all that much in sex. Jami considers this a moment before explaining, the breasts, the hormone levels, his absent sex drive. “Alex you have a problem deeper than what we know. Hold on help is not far away.” She opens her cell, “Rose can you come down here? There is a problem with my brother.”
Rose Brooks steps inside as Jami opened the door. She looks at Alex, “your brother? What is the joke?”
Jami quickly explains and Rose tries to take it all in to process the information. With a gentle voice Rose explains she is a Resident at the nearby hospital. “Do you mind if I examine you.”
Alex hesitantly answers, “I don’t mind but I brought the doctor’s report to convince Jami I was not pulling her chain.” Rose reads the report then offers, “it does not answer all the questions but it is a good start.” She leads Alex into the bedroom instructing him to strip. After examining his breast she smiles. “They are healthy did they tell you they appear to be able to produce milk?’ Alex blinks horrified, “no!”
Rose examines his genitals taking his organ into her hand. Alex blushes as she massages it to its full two inches. She shakes her head mumbling “this will be virtually worthless. Your sacks are tiny, too tiny.” She instructs Alex to dress.
Back in the living room Rose measures Alex with her eyes trying to read him. The expression Alex presents is of deep concern. Gently Rose offers, “you are a very pretty girl Alex. My guess is being a girl is your best option. Your parents though for the wrong reasons may have taken the correct route.”
Alex considers with a raised brow. “Wrong reasons, you are saying God is a wrong reason?” Rose shakes her head, “I am not anti God. But don’t you think God gave doctors the ability to help people and doctors are part of his plan?”
Alex shocked at the concept thought about it for a minute. He could think of no argument against that logic and answered, “perhaps.”
Rose continued. “If the doctor started you on the estrogen blockers the breasts would not have grown as they have. But we need more information considering, down there. I doubt those sacks could produce the testosterone levels required. I need to take some blood and run some test. Can you come over to the hospital Tuesday?”
Alex shakes his head. “I have to go home tomorrow and school starts mid week.” Jami closed the door as she entered the room. Her leaving went unnoticed. “Yes he will be there at 8 am Rose. I convinced mom and dad to let him stay until Tuesday.” Alex blinks.
Jami smiles winking at her brother, “sis you may help yourself to my clothes I mean since dad dragged the trunks across the state you keep them. You will need them as Dad sure as hell won’t be paying for skirts.” The other two laughed.
Rose cautioned, “we don’t know where this may lead. Alex may be suited to be a boy after all.”
“I doubt it look at her,” said Jami. Rose opened the door offering her goodbye. “I will see you Tuesday.”
Jami crawled onto the couch next to her new sister. “Here is how we deal with Jen.” She looks to Alex giggling, “I’ve known a lot of Jen’s.” Alex perks listening to his sister’s devious plan. Jami concluded the explanation of her idea finishing with, “we are going to conduct a makeup lesson then go to lunch. I have to get you an emergency pack.”
Alex’s sister calls someone she does not name. Hearing only one side of the conversation Alex blushes as his sister speaks. “Yes the fully functional vagina you guys came up with for your porn flicks.” She closes her phone and turning to Alex she quips, “you’ll see. Now go hide in the bedroom. I don‘t want this guy to see you.”
A few minutes later Alex sitting on the bed sees Jami enter. She is carrying a small box. “Strip!” she commands. In her hand is a fake vagina. She applies some liquid to the back then strokes her brother. Shocked! He shouts, “what are you doing?” Jami says simply, “I need it hard. Damn Rose was right this thing can’t do any damage.” The boy emits silent tears. Jami hugs him, “I am sorry I did not mean to hurt your feelings.” Still sniveling he murmurs, “I know.”
Jami slides the implement over his tiny shaft pressing it to his groin. “There now you look like me.” Alex stares in amazement. “Uh ok er now what?” Jami giggles, “now you can get screwed. They tell me in the production department those porn movie guys can’t tell it from the real thing. Ain’t technology wonderful? Making you hard allows room for expansion without the painful compression they felt in the old days. Oh yeah you have to sit to pee.”
Alex blinks as Jami reveals the rest of the kit. “Glue, tampons, just what you need to convince them no means no.” A red liquid she holds up, “do I have to tell you? It adds a touch of realism to sell the tampons.” She giggles. I’ve also included some mascara, lip stick and cologne. You can’t wear that thing for more than twelve hours without any issues. But use it sparingly. It will fool anybody. Oh Alex try not to fall in love. You really need to graduate a virgin. Consider who you can hurt.” She kisses her brother. “You are pretty.”
Early Tuesday morning the test blood was drawn and Rose told Alex, “call me tonight. I should have some answers for you I hope.” Alex takes her card promises to call and leaves with his sister.
Back at Jami’s apartment she tells her brother. “You better go home wearing your boy clothes. By the way I love your hair. Thanks for introducing my sister.” She kisses him and embraces Alex in a crushing hug. Alex stunned at what happened during the visit he dreaded responded, “I love you sis.” Jami pushed him out the door.
On the way home Alex called Kathy to glean all the information he could about Jen. He learned she worked part time at the village library. It was just what he needed to put Jami’s plan in action. His parents were waiting in the driveway when he pulled in. They pumped him with hundreds of questions and acted pleased when he reported how close he and his sister had become.
Alex picked up his camera and went over to the library with the excuse of something for school. He located Jen and quietly snapped her picture, several of them actually. He managed to get out of the library unnoticed by Jen and went directly to his room.
After speaking with Rose he sat to consider what the Doctor learned. It was not the final word and more information was needed before any decisions could be made. But it looked like girlhood was in the cards. Alex felt relieved everyone thought he was a girl and he could avoid the torment boys in dresses face in the school halls. He knew he was walking a fine line. He also knew people saw what they wanted to see based on their expectations. Alex needs to avoid changing perceptions. Alex mused about the implication of his testosterone levels dropping and estrogen levels rising. “These things are going to grow and when Dr. Grant runs his tests after Christmas it will be my decision. I just hope they don’t grow too much.”
He fired up Jen’s pictures on his computer selecting one to work with. He begins with an eleven by fourteen art paper and an assortment of inks. The focus is on her long sandy blond hair that falls to her behind. It is straight and silky. Alex smiles thinking, ’I am glad to have taken years of art classes, I can do this.’ He studies her deep oval green eyes that literally gleam sparkling like pools. Her heart shaped face with perfect skin. Alex blinks, ’I’m falling in love.’
Some time later interrupted by dinner Alex completes his project. He looks at the sketch admiring it. ’I must say it is good. Not an Earth shattering Van Gogh but passable.’ He slipped it into his sketch pad and crawled into bed wondering what tomorrow would bring.
The first day of school Alex anguished over wanting to wear that red and green plaid skirt and white blouse of Jami’s. He knew better slipped on a pair of jeans with his tampon loaded vagina and nylon briefs. He pulled on a beefy tee and yes he was wearing a bra. His small chest was barely noticeable to his parents hidden behind his sketch book and untucked tee. He tucked in the shirt on exit of the car to enhance his breasts. Waved goodbye to his mother and walked into the unknown. Tomorrow he would be walking the few blocks to school as they lived within the obligatory one mile line.
Alex was met at the door by Kathy and Reagan. The three walked in side by side. Right at the start Jen walked toward them fire in her eyes. She murmured a hello, “Kat, Rea who’s your friend?” The two girls knew it was about to hit the fan but Alex shocked them. “Hi I’m Alex and I know who you are.” Alex said excitedly.
Taken back, Jen paused a bit off her ire, “and?” It was all she could say. Alex pounced. “We have second period study hall together. I have something I must show you.”
The situation diffused Jen who simply nodded, “ok second period.” Her confused expression almost caused the other girls to break out into fits of hysteria. As Jen walked down the hall with her deliberate I am the queen and the queen rules sway Kathy dragged Alex into the girl’s room followed by Reagan.
“Ok spit it out what are you up to?” Kathy demanded while Reagan watched anxiously. Alex opened her, (her as in she presents this way in school), sketch book revealing the portrait. Both girls eye’s open astonished. “Wow you did that,” they said in unison. Alex nods, “I thought I’d kill her with kindness.” The girls laughed. “Please kill me” both said. Alex returned, “give me a picture you like.”
The fire remained as Jen walked into study hall she consciously made an effort to sit next to Alex. Jen was ready to pounce on her prey. Another girl had to change her seat to accommodate the queen. Every girl knew better than tangle with Jen. “This better be good,” Jen threatened as she glared at Alex.
Alex simply said, “I saw you in the library and was overcome with inspiration.” Before a stunned Jen could respond Alex opened her sketch book revealing the portrait. “For you I did it yesterday. I hope you like it.” Jen starred speechless as the likeness was stunning it captured her beauty. “You will need to get a frame I did not have time to find one. It would have to be selected with care to accent the picture. You know to do it justice.”
Finally Jen speaks, “why? Do you know who I am?” Alex shakes her head, “a girl I saw in the library. Why?” Jen looks at Alex taking the portrait carefully as if it would bite her. “Thanks this is lovely. But I have to warn you.” Alex blinks. Jen continues, “I was pissed when I found out about you.”
Alex narrows her eyes, “me why?” Jen for the first time smiles, “Jake, he was my boyfriend and he likes you.” Alex comes back, “I had nothing to do with that. I only met him once.” Jen laughs, “did he throw a football at you?” Alex nods. Jen says “first the football then the charm. We broke up because he wanted more than I wanted to give. He called me names and threatened to tell everyone I gave good head.”
Alex narrows her eyes. Jen continues, “somebody told me he had been cheating with another girl. They said a new girl in town. You are the only new girl. I told all my friends to stay away from him and I would deal with you.” Alex nodded, “I only saw him once.”
Jen comments, “I believe you considering the way Jake can be.” She glances at the picture, “there is passion in that drawing.” Jen suddenly smiles, “do you like girls?” Alex widens her eyes “I never thought about that.” Jen gazes at Alex tossing her hair, “either have I.” They ended their conversation, “if I ever think about girls, I’ll let you know.” She leans closer whispering, “I don’t give head. The idea of putting that sweaty thing in my mouth is gross.” Jen laughs, Alex nods, trying to picture the act agreeing with Jen. “Oh” Alex begins, “about letting me know if you think of girl’s in that way, take your time because I don’t think that way either.” Jen laughs, “good I was worried for a minute.”
Through the first four periods it was unsettling and difficult to get used to hearing each teacher refer to Alex as Miss or Ms. Alex noticed other students reaction to the presumed her. Every so often a male student would steal a glance while the girls seemed to appraise. It made it easier that Reagan or Kathy were in each of the classes. In two both were in the class. Even Jen appeared friendly but that could be a ruse. The teachers were light on instruction the first morning as each class started with a getting to know you and this is what we will be doing flavor.
Alex stopped at his locker thinking ‘it is hard to think of myself as a she.’ He spun the dial opening the door and shoved his new books into his day pack. Three classes already assigned homework and Alex blew a breath of air upward into his chestnut bangs thinking, ‘demanding my entire night.’ A sound emanated from behind his left shoulder. “Hey!” Alex turned to see Jake with a big smile. “I just wanted to welcome you to Valley Tech.”
Alex issuing a blank expression, “is that what you call this asylum?” Jake nodded with a cool move of his head putting his extended arm behind Alex’s back and against the locker next to Alex’s. The pose appeared to Alex to be akin to the male leader of the pack staking his claim. Just then a softer voice sounded followed by a pushing away of Jake’s arm. “Down boy,” said Reagan. “You are blocking the entry to my treasure cave.”
The football player stepped back with a cheerful, “yes Ma’am.”
“Go pester Jen and leave the newbie alone. Let her find out how sleazy you are some other time.” Reagan replies.” With a laugh, Jake bows, “yes my Lady.” He looks to Alex, “later.”
Reagan turns Alex by pulling on her shoulder as the girl was watching Jake walk down the hall. Alex thought, ‘wow he is smooth and hot‘ Alex tried to purge that sinful and perverted thought when Reagan saved him. “I know he has a nice ass. The problem is he is all ass and wants yours. I hear you gave the drawing to Jen already.” Alex nods, “she liked it.”
The girl with hair just like Alex’s smiled, “Jen is showing all her friends. Be careful or you will be spending all your time with the easel.” Alex laughed as they joined Kathy in the Cafeteria. The three sat at a table for six and began to eat. Jen and her entourage walked by aiming for their table the new senior elites inherited. Alex watched this thinking, ‘just like the last school everyone in their place according to the pecking order.’
Kathy spoke up, ‘there they go.” An unnamed girl walking in tow with the queen bee smiled at Alex, “great picture.” The rest smiled, Jen waved and they went on to their corner. Reagan giggled, “score one for the new kid.”
Just as Reagan asked Alex, “what is your next class we,” pointing to Kathy she finished, “have gym.” A boy about five foot ten or eleven with dark blond hair stood before them holding his food tray appearing lost. A male voice from the jock’s table directed toward the boy was heard, “move along dweeb those ladies are out of your league.” The kid balked starting to turn.
Alex froze having heard this kind of intimidation over and over again. She measured the kid who stood there motionless as the Jocks went on with snide almost unheard remarks. He wore a blue oxford shirt with khaki pressed pants right out of the sixties preppy private school movies. He was fairly good looking, ‘cute’, Alex thought. “Are you going to sit down or what? You are blocking the view.” Alex said almost absently. Kathy and Reagan laughed as the boy sat leaving an empty seat between him and the girls. “I’m Brian,” he said.
The girls nodded as Alex said to Reagan, “you were saying about gym?” The girl flushes glancing toward Brian then back to Alex. “So while Kathy and I are sweating working up a gross foul odor. Ruining our perfect hair you will be doing what because you have bad tits?” Brian blinked as he began coughing trying to avoid spraying his mouthful all over the girls. His thought was as he stole a glance of Alex, ‘they don’t look bad to me.’
Alex flushed while Reagan began to apologize profusely realizing how hurtful that was. Alex remained cool understanding the girls had no idea what his problem was. The comment was blown off and Alex suddenly remembered this was nothing a girl would talk about in front a boy. “Will you stop kidding around, it is not my,” with a pause while darting those blue pools in Brian’s direction, Reagan picked up the hint. “Sorry”, the girl began, “I know that.” Turning to Brian she adds, “it is a private joke but we had you going.”
Brian demonstrated relief as he relaxes having gained control of his spasm. “They look fine to me.” The girls starred at him. One of those you are dead stares.
Kathy instantly chirps in, “so what are you stuck with?” Alex, in a low voice answers, “Home Economics.” The girls laugh. “With Barcomb?” they chime in unison while Brian adds, “me too.” All three girls turn to face him with a knowing smile.
‘Sewing?’ Alex thinks as he hears Ms. Barcomb instruct the class there will be a sewing project assigned to be completed by end of term. She passes out a stack of patterns one to each student explaining this is random. Each student will have something different. She then did a roll call asking what the student was assigned and writes it down in her note book. “No switching,” she warns.
Alex noted he received a simple pair of slacks and breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the teacher say, “each one of you will wear your product to class the day of completion. She scanned her book and smiled as she spoke. “Mr. Patten you may change with,” she examines her book scanning, “Miss Winslow.” It would not do to make a boy wear a skirt to school.” Brian blushed as Alex cringed.
The three girls walked home together with Brian tagging along like a lost puppy. Kathy pokes Brian, “you got out of wearing a skirt huh? I bet your legs are better than Alex’s.” Brian blushed while Alex said, “I don’t wear skirts any more than Brian does. What’s with sewing in an Economics class anyway?”
Regan pats Alex’s shoulder, “duh did you miss the Home part? Economics is for the accountant class not the little lady who manages the home front. This is to train you for domestic life where you carry Brian’s offspring on your hip while juggling dinner plates.” Alex blinked, Kathy laughed and Brian blushed.
One by one as they walked down Maple Street each of the teens dropped off going into their homes saying, “call you later.” Finally only Alex and Brian remained. “Thanks for what you did,” Brian said as he turns up his walk. Alex could see his house two lots further down. “We live this close and I never saw you before?” Brian shrugged, “I’ve seen you. Can I call you?” “Sure” responded Alex and without a thought, “stop by sometime.” Brian’s eyes widen thinking, ‘did I hear that right? A total babe is saying stop by sometime.’ He almost danced as he skipped onto his porch. With a dream like expression he waved, “c ya.”
It was then Alex realized what he did or was it what she did? “I am going nuts trying to keep this straight. A girl to everybody else and a boy in my mind.” no one heard his audible musing. Once inside the house he was greeted by mother. “Alex how was your first day at school? Everything went well I hope?” Her voice would have been described at best as hopeful. Hopeful that he at least did not get beat up or tormented.
Alex had been half way up the stairs when he stopped to listen to his mother. Mr. Winslow was still at work. He considered now was as good a time as any. Though putting this off as long as possible would have been his preference. “Mom I got a problem can we talk?”
Taken back Mrs. Winslow narrowed her brows, ‘the boy never admits to a problem this must be bad.’ She guides him to the sofa, “what is it?” Gladys had a hard time holding back her laughter when she heard her son had to make a skirt from a pattern. He made her promise not to say anything to his father. Gladys knew Norman would cause a scene over this with the school. She also was aware the point is to teach the art of sewing and won’t hurt her son to learn this skill. But she questioned “why a skirt?”
Alex explained, “it was a random draw of patterns. The teacher allowed Brian to switch his skirt for the only pair of pants pattern available. So I was stuck. The teacher explained that it did not matter as sewing is sewing and the idea is to teach how.” Mother smiled “all girls in the class and two boys?” Alex nodded, “it is no big deal and it is better than gym.”
She agreed to allow him use of her sewing machine and would help him pick out the materials and give him tips. ‘But why was Brian allowed pants and not my son?’ She said to Alex, “I will call the school to complain the other boy got preferential treatment.” Alex screamed no, “It will make me look like a cry baby. I don’t want that kind of attention.” Considering all the trouble the faced at the other school Gladys quickly agreed to let it drop.
Gladys looked at her son with raised brows as he had forgotten to untuck his shirt. “Alex did you go to school like that?” Alex glances down at his obvious breasts, blushes quickly responding. “No I wore the shirt pulled out.” He pulled the shirt tails out from under his belt allowing it to blouse over him. His chest appeared flat. He finished, “I tucked it in on my way inside, why?” His mother smiles, “I was just curious.” Gladys believed her son because she knew he did not want to attract attention. She did not notice the sway of his hips as he climbed the stairs.
Alex dropped the book bag on the bed nudging it with his hip as he sat legs again tucked under. Kathy answered her phone. “You and Brian seemed to hit it off. Does that mean Jake is out?” she teased. Alex could feel a blush rise before replying, “don’t be silly Kathy. Jake scares the hell out of me, Brian doesn’t.” Kathy agreed “I think Jen was right when she told you how he is. Though I think Jen did what he wanted and she is not about to admit it. Jake dumped her for other conquest. What do you think?”
Alex exhales slowly before agreeing. Kathy devilishly pursues her train of thought. “You know Brian would be good cover. It would keep the others away. Well not completely. You know how territorial those Neanderthals are.” Alex laughs, “I don’t want to use anybody.”
“But girlfriend I can tell you like him. You just gave yourself away.” Kathy waits for a reaction. Alex responds by saying, “Great imagination you have there. Gotta go see you tomorrow.” Alex ends the conversation even more confused than before.
Back at school the cheerleaders are huddled having finished their practice. A tall stunning girl says to Jen, “What about that Alex girl. I thought you were going to put her in her place?” Jen tilts her head, “naw we talked she is not interested in Jake.” The girl widens her eyes regarding Jen. “You talked?” Jen nods, “she is cool I like her.” Jen retrieves the rolled sketch from her hockey bag. “Look at this.” The other girl smiles while she gazes at the portrait. “So tell the other girls the new girl is approved by Jen. Is that right? You aren’t hatching something this is straight?” Jen nods, “there are plenty of dweebs. Besides Alex hangs with two cool girls, Reagan and Kathy. They are not in our group but they are hot chicks.” the other girl smiles, “I will spread the word.” Jill packs up and begins her walk home thinking of how she will deal with Jake. She considers Debbie, ‘a real skank that Jake deserves.’
Alex struggles as he chats online with Regan. Alex concludes being a girl is better as he is not the target he has been all his life. ( he begins to regard himself as she from getting heavy doses of that perspective in school) Alex considers ‘she as he enjoys the attention and the friends he never had before.’ Reagan flashed, “What about Brian?” “Meaning?” responded Alex. There is a long pause before Reagan’s response appeared.
“Alex, Ben Arnold and I are going to the movies Saturday night. Kathy and Jeff Casey are coming as well. Why don’t you and Brian come along?” Upon reading those words Alex considered ‘both Kathy and Reagan are babes. They are both my friends. How come I don’t get all gaga when I hang with them? I’m not gay am I?’ The screen flashes again, “you there?” Alex breaks the trance, “yeah.” With a devilish twist Alex answers, “Duh he hasn’t asked me. You don’t think I am going to ask him?” Kathy types back, “you never know he might. You would say yes won’t you? It’s the new Potter movie.”
Totally confused Alex ponders, ‘he is cute,’ Alex balks upon writing those words on the screen. “C-ya,” appears suddenly as Kathy reports she has to run. Alex shuts down the P.C. and calls his sister. The whole story poured out. Every detail of Alex’s plight since they parted earlier in the week is reported.
Jami could literally hear the tears over the phone. Her heart went out to her conflicted brother. “Let me get this straight everybody thinks you are a girl. The school, your friends,” she pauses. “You have two solid best girl friends who are total babes, a boy who you met today, the head cheerleader actually was won over and the football hero is in lust with you. You have not told anyone, while mom and dad are clueless. Have I got that right?”
Alex confirms what Jami listed. The sister gathers her thoughts asking “how do you think of yourself?” Alex exhales slowly, “A girl that’s how. All day long I am in girl mode. When I get home I pretend to be a boy. Most of the time I hide in my room.”
Jami came back with the question she dreaded to ask. The one Alex refused to face. “Do you want to be a girl?” Alex heard the words as he tried to process the answer. “I think so.” Jami smiled, “you have no idea brother. You are being accepted for the first time and it feels good. Do you think that is it?”
Alex answered, “yes and no. My breast are growing my legs are definitely feminine. My fingers scream girl.” His voice softened, “I even sound like a girl. I don’t think I have a choice. Your question should be are you becoming a girl.” Jami heard this and she had to agree. She could not resist her next sharp comment. “I bet your treatment is helping. Those nightly prayer shots are sure as hell doing the job.”
“That’s not funny Jami.” Alex fires back. “Sorry sis but that is how I feel about this bullshit. You know if you don’t tell your friends the truth you won’t have them. You can’t win by deception. You know that don’t you?” Alex agreed, “what can I do?”
Jami takes command with her answer. “Do you plan to continue as you are?” Alex admits he has no alternative because to advise the school will be certain death. “Then what you are going to have to do is be a girl full time. This switching persona all the time will get you committed.” Alex nearly panics, “what about mom and dad?” Jami laughs, “just throw out your chest and say it is the Lord’s plan.” Alex resisted that idea thinking it akin to suicide. “Then what,” Alex asks.
Her response was not what Alex expected. “I will have Rose set up an appointment with a local OB. Do you know what that is?” Alex nods; Jamie repeats her question not being able to see his gesture. Alex repeats his nod aloud. Jami continues, the doctor will do a complete exam and perhaps refer you to a shrink. This is what Rose said is likely to happen.”
“A shrink,” Alex explodes. “You think I’m nuts?” Jami answers softly, “no sis you are not nuts. You are effed up for sure but you’re not nuts. They can’t make you a girl physically without a shrink’s assessment.” Alex relaxes, “what about mom and dad?” Jami sighs, “they won’t be told anything unless you tell them. Treatment is going fine as far as they are concerned. Just keep praying and you will be a mother before you know it.” She could not resist the last shot though she regretted it at once. “Sorry sis I’m just teasing. Go into my trunk get that silky black night gown and go to bed. You’ll feel better.” Alex thanked his sister. His cell rang again.
“Hello.” A shy voice responded. “Alex this is Brian. Kathy told me you guys were going to the Potter movie Saturday night. Would you like to go with me?” Alex noted the pleading tone in Brian’s voice. With a picture of Brian in mind a thought followed, ‘he is cute.’
Alex answered, “with Reagan, Kathy and their boyfriends?” Brian eagerly agreed. Alex took a deep breath, “on one condition.” “Oh what’s that?” Asked Brian’s excited voice. Alex said, “my parents don’t approve of dating so it is just a group of friends hanging out.” Brian beamed, “no problem. I can do that. Pick you up at seven?” He asked. “I’ll meet you at Kathy’s.” Alex answered. ‘Not here,’ he thought.
The gang of six sat in pairs as they viewed the Potter movie. Alex flushed as Brian’s arm slowly managed to rest behind her neck as he held the popcorn. Alex nervously watched the movie noting the hand holding couples sitting in her row. She whispered to Brian while tracing her eyes upward to draw attention to his arm. “It must be difficult to eat any popcorn in that position.” She giggled watching his reaction. Slowly his arm drifted away and his hand reached into the container. Brian sheepishly risked to accidentally rest his hand on Alex’s knee. She did not seem to object other than to react with a tightening of muscle he could feel. Toward the end of the movie Brian whispered into Alex’s ear. “Do you like the movie?” Alex whispered back, “yes it is fun.”
In the ladies room Kathy and Reagan excitedly peppered questions to Alex. “Do you like him?” They pressed the question because it was the central issue to feed their curiosity. Alex nodded rather unenthusiastically and the girls could see their friend sort of liked him. Kathy says “remember, only a small one time kiss is allowed when he walks you home. Hand holding is fine but nothing more, don’t be a slut.”
Alex laughs at that. “No danger there and kissing! Not.” Once outside the boys suggested pizza.” Reagan and Kathy looked at their watches shaking their heads. “We have to be home by ten.” The guys accepted that and they walked in pairs dispersing as each girl was ushered to their door.
Alone with Brian Alex and the boy reached his front door. Alex was in turmoil having watched the good night kisses both Reagan and Kathy received. That could not be allowed at Alex’s front door. Alex said, “goodnight Brian I enjoyed myself.” Glancing at Brian and his sidewalk leading to the porch Alex added, “I’ll walk you to the door.” The young man turns to face her, “no you won’t I will see you safely home.” Alex never thought that poorly desperate ploy would work. In fact the she in Alex would have been put out if Brian let her get away with it. ‘Brother I am even thinking like a girl.’ Alex thought.
Brian took Alex’s hand turning her toward the house two doors down. Alex thought quickly, “uh no goodnights at my house. Father works for the church and he will freak out.” Brian stops turning Alex around to face him. “I like you Alex can we be friends?” Alex smiles and Brian draws close kissing Alex then steps back. ‘wow she is soft and this feels so good,’ Brian swoons to himself. Alex is surprised as the boy takes his feminine hand squeezing it. Near the front step Brian waves then walks toward his house. Alex smiles at the boy then turns inside.
“Alex how was the movie? You could have had your friend come in what was his name?” Norman calls from the den. Alex pauses at the bottom step answering, “Brian is his name he had to go home. Like you his parents said be home by ten.” Norman steps out of his office walking closer to his son. It is like he does not see the growth of Alex’s breast. “I understand there were two girls and four boys. You were not dating then?” Father’s question confuses Alex, “are you saying I cannot date?”
Norman smiles “does my son have a girl friend?” He appears happy with that idea. Alex struggles a bit answering, “no dad do you think a girl wants to date a guy with breast that competes with hers?” Alex runs up the stairs to the bedroom slamming the door. She falls face first onto the bed head swimming thinking of that kiss.
A few moments later Gladys enters without knocking she is stunned seeing her son wearing a pair of Jami’s black silk pajamas. “Alex!” She gasps, “what are you doing?” Alex steps forward his figure betraying the result of the slow transformation. “This is comfortable and while you and dad are praying the Lord is giving me one hell of a figure.” Gladys raises her voice, “don’t talk to me like that.”
Alex not ready to back down says to the woman. “Mother take a good look at me. It is too late for Dr. Grant’s treatment.” Gladys turns her head away. Alex walks around the woman to face her, “answer the question what do you see?”
Gladys begins to cry “I am so sorry I put faith in the Lord and did not listen to the doctor. Can you forgive me?” Alex shakes her head touching her mother’s shoulder. “Forgive you for what? For the first time I have friends, I am being accepted and my life is improved. School is not a nightmare. Like it or not mother you have a daughter.” Gladys hugs Alex, “your father won’t like this.” Alex interrupts, “I don’t care everybody thinks I am a girl and that is what I am. I like the new me” Gladys blinks, “if that is so then we need to have a long talk.”
Gladys says to Alex, “come down here I want to see my daughter.” This is how she appeared upon arrival into the kitchen.
Mother has discovered Alex’s secret how will she react?
Revised and edited. Rights reserved by author with permission granted to Big Closet.
Alex woke up early on Sunday as demanded by father it was church day. None of his school friends attended the church his parents had selected. As Alex dressed in a white blouse, yes it was one of his sister’s conservative Oxford shirt styled blouses, and a pair of her navy colored dress slacks. Norman had no idea but Gladys certainly recognized the style. She said nothing to cause her son any more stress. Alex is under a lot of pressure. Gladys beamed at her new daughter’s attention to how she looked. She reveled in Alex's new found confidence and apparent ability to gain friends. Following the long sermon the family walked outside to the usual meet and greet. The minister directed them to the after service tea.
Inside the conference room people gathered in small groups. Their conversations centered on various church activities and social issues. People of all ranges of the pecking order made up the small gathering. Consisting of the well to do the middle and the poor they expressed whatever interested them. At the far end of the multi center which was nothing more than a large room one corner functioned to serve refreshments and meal prep. In an L shaped design a line of countertops, sink, range and refrigerator provided a functional kitchen. Near that arrangement close to the more formal conference furniture was a long table with folding chairs. Alex glanced toward the coffee urn and donuts adorning that table.
Alex demonstrated no interest in as she called it, sucking up talk. He said to mother. “I am going to see if they have any chocolate covered cream filled donuts. They disappear fast. “Gladys giggled interrupting her conversation with her husband. The woman’s social investment became distracted as she observed a strange interaction at the refreshment table. She saw Alex approach as a red haired boy picked up the last cream filled donut.
There were five or six teens at the service and like the red haired boy none of them wanted to be there. None of them appeared to associate with the others as they all had that, ‘can we get out of here’ expression. Gladys watched the red haired boy as he turned handing the donut to Alex. She heard the boy say “I ran ahead to get one for you and it was the last one.” As he offered it to Alex Gladys watched her daughter refuse with a kindly gesture. The boy turned to the counter and cut the donut in half. They then walked to a table where they talked, smiling a lot with each eating their half of the donut. Gladys barely heard Mrs. Olson the village busy body. When she said to Ethel Sharpe, “did you hear about the disgusting behavior on the bluffs last night?” Their tone grew hushed as Norman gathered his family saying, “time to go. I have to get back for the meeting.”
Gladys said nothing to her husband about the boy flirting with Alex. She thought ‘my daughter is happy. I have never seen her smile like that. What have we done to the poor child?’ The ride home was silent as Gladys, bursting from curiosity was dying to talk with Alex. Norman would be going back to the church giving the woman an opportunity to speak with her daughter. She walked to the bottom of the stairs calling to Alex. “What are you doing?”
Alex answers, “I am changing my clothes and will be right down.” Gladys says to Alex, “come down here I want to see my daughter. Do you understand what I mean?” Alex momentarily froze wondering if mother said what he heard. The girl inside beamed as she made her clothing selection and started down the stairs.
Gladys took in the vision as the teen appeared with the open kitchen forming the back drop behind her. Alex wore a grayish blue skirt falling just above her knees. Her pink camisole top featured string style straps resting on her bare shoulders. Alex feathered her hair forward framing her face barely betraying a pair of gold earrings of a floral shape. White running shoes covered her feet. They featured a tiny pink line at their base. The blue knee socks matched her skirt perfectly. Gladys wondered how her breast had developed without either parent noticing. Gladys also wondered how this lovely teen could have lived in her home unnoticed. “My Lord Alex you are lovely. Let me look at you.”
Alex did not know how to react she could only say “you are not angry?” The girl expected an explosion that reflected in her tight expression as she stepped from the kitchen. Gladys led her daughter by the hand turning her back into the kitchen. The stunned woman poured two cups of tea placing each on the table. She was finally able to speak. “Alex,” she says, “I noticed your jeans came from the Misses department. I watched you and realized you had no choice because of your figure. The hips and waist belong to a girl. I never saw the delicate loveliness that you are.” Alex sips her tea blushing, “what about father? He has not noticed has he?” Gladys shakes her head, mouthing “no.” She then spoke in an audible voice. “Am I to assume everyone at school believes you are a girl?” Alex nods.
Gladys shows her fear when she asks. “What are you going to do? You cannot deceive people it is not right.” Alex agrees defending herself by saying as she points to her breasts. “This is no deception they are real. I am happy mother; Reagan and Kathy are my best friends.” Mother nods raising another issue, “and Brian? He is what to you?” Alex blushes, “a friend.” Gladys widens her eyes measuring her daughter. “Does a friend kiss a girl goodnight after taking her to a movie?” Alex blinks remaining silent wondering how she knew. Gladys smiles. “When you walked into the house after Brian escorted you to the door your expression was the expression of a girl who had just experienced her first kiss. Alex a boy does not walk another boy home unless it is on his way. It was not on Brian’s way. So I will ask you, “is this fair to Brian?”
Alex clasps her mother’s hand with a gentle voice she half whispers. “In January, I will have an operation to become a physical girl.” Gladys raises both hands covering her face. “This will destroy your father.”
In response Alex in a resolute voice replies. “Isn’t this why father prayed? What could satisfy him a creature that is half and half with no chance of happiness? Would he accept the sick relationships allowed to someone like me? Would that please father more than the shame of having another daughter?”
Gladys exclaims, “how can you say that?” With a tinge of irony Alex narrows her eyes, “mother experts told me that if father had accepted Dr. Grant’s treatment my body would not have developed feminine features. Because he insisted in prayer claiming what will be is the Lord’s will I am becoming female. He is always obsessing about personal responsibility. It is time for him to accept what he preaches.”
Mother is shocked but she knew her daughter was correct. “Experts you have seen experts? Jami put you up to this didn’t she?”
Alex admitted Jami had her see a doctor who had confirmed her condition progressed further than Dr. Grant had presumed. Had Doctor Grant been allowed to begin treatments the seriousness of the condition would have been discovered. The treatments required further testing and checks. Without those test there was no control of the direction the changes would take.
The new girl spoke calmly to her mother. “Jami saved my sanity, don’t be angry with her.” Alex raises a broad smile, “besides she saved you a fortune by giving me all her left behind school clothes.” Gladys whispers, “I am not angry with Jami. I will be thanking her. You cannot dress like that in front of father. Please no, absolutely no love struck boys coming around. Father will think you are gay and call in an exorcist.”
Alex laughs, “mother it is the Catholics who have exorcism rites.” Gladys lowers her brows, “and our church has far worse. We just don’t talk about it.” Alex blinks, quickly agreeing.
On her way to her room the girl’s cell rang, “hello.” Jami was calling. “Hi sis just got back from your Sunday morning guilt trip right?”
“Of course,” Alex answered followed quickly by, “what did you find out?”
Jami questions, “in a rush are we? First you tell me. How are you doing do you still have your cover?”
Alex flushes answering, “almost.” She goes on to tell Jami about the movie and Brian. How he walked her home, kissed her and mom figured it out. Jami had to know more pressing Alex to tell all. After revealing how the red headed kid shared the donut and how Sean Fitzgibbons that is the red head’s name, flirted with her Jami laughed again. Alex explained how she was dressed now. Then described mom went nuts, exclaiming how beautiful her daughter is. Alex said, “that’s where we are.”
Jami, rather surprised considers, “I guess mom is not as clueless as I thought. So she is ok with it? She is not going to ambush you with dad?” Alex told her sister that she believes mom is on her side. “I am now getting the GIRL talk.” Jami laughed louder, “sis you definitely need it.” Jami then gets around to providing her sister with the information she called about.
“Dr. Bradley, do you know of her?” Without waiting for an answer Jami continues “I suppose you don’t. Anyway she is an OBGYN. Do you know what that is?” Again Jami answers her own question. “she is a female doctor and I don’t mean a woman doctor. She will see you after school on Tuesday. I will give you directions and you are to bring Doctor Grant’s report.”
Alex flushed finally getting a chance to speak. “I know what an OB is. What do you think sis? I am scarred.” Jami takes a deep breath trying to call up the right words. “In my opinion you are a girl. I think this will all work out freeing that girl.” She considers “I suggest you keep her away from dad. He will go nuts if he sees her. You are lucky that he is nearly blind to everything around him.” Another thought struck Jami raising concern. “Do you hang around any kids from the church families?”
The girl thought about that answering, “no other than Sean no one noticed me. Why is that an issue?” Jami wanted to know more about Sean Fitzgibbons. “Sis his family are farmers they live more than ten miles from town. Sean goes to another school closer to where he lives.” Jami could be heard breathing a sigh of relief. “Why is that an issue?” Alex’s voice ringed in Jami’s ear.
“Sis, think a minute picture an after church meeting. The group stands around discussing the expected Sunday N.F.L game or how the local high school hero tossed the winning touchdown pass on Friday night. Do you get the picture? Mr. Fitz struts over to dad saying, my son Sean has a crush on your daughter. You should be proud to have such an intelligent and beautiful daughter. He is trying to score points with a church elder and you become toast. It is called guy talk, though I doubt you know about that.”
Alex goes into a near panic “geeze sis that would be thermo nuclear.” Jami asks “can you see that happening?” The new girl thinks for an eternal moment. “I doubt it because they don’t talk and Sean does not go to my school. Shit, shit, shit. It could happen couldn’t it”
Jami advises “keep your circle of friends small. You think being a girl is cool you like it but” she allows the but to hang. “Girls, the pretty ones are objects to boys. They seek you out. When you are a guy girls will check you out but they don’t often become aggressive. You can keep your circle of friends small but there will be admirers. Sean, duh ring a bell? I bet you never noticed him. I bet you don’t know there are a hundred more just like him.”
The new girl somewhat shaken said to her sister “I had no idea.” Jami answered with “I thought not. We will have another girl lesson after you see Doctor Bradley call me.” With that Jami hung up. Alex sat on the edge of her bed trembling when the cell rang again. “Hi it is Kathy can you come over?” Alex checked with her mother and ran off to Kathy’s.
She walked slowly down Maple Street toward Kathy’s. Within a short distance she passed the second house which was in sight of her own. She starred for a moment at the walk leading to Brian’s front step. As she turned up the street her mother’s words haunted her. ‘Is this fair to Brian?’ That thought pulsed followed by another ‘why in hell should I give a shit? For Christ sake let me worry about Alex!’ As she neared Kathy’s an answer to one of her questions struck her. ‘Why should I be fair to Brian, Duh? Because, I love him. Good God girl can you dig a hole any deeper?’
“I like the outfit!” Kathy exclaims as she greets her friend at the door. “Come up to my room Reagan is already there.”
Alex followed up the stairs soberly reminded about Kathy’s exclamation she notice her predicament. She had not changed out of her skirt and top. She just rushed out comfortable in her skirt. She did not consider dad might be home when she returned. It felt good she liked it and whatever happens, happens. She entered Kathy’s bedroom to see a beaming Reagan bursting to present some Earth shattering news. “Glad you made it,” an excited Reagan said in her rush to spread the word.
The girls sat there as Reagan told how she learned from her cousin who’s next door neighbor’s brother was there to see it first hand. The keg party at the old bluff outside of town had gotten out of hand. The unnamed cousin’s, neighbor’s brother was well,” she giggled. “Do you guys know that perky little blond, Debbie Nelson?” The girls nodded. “Well I’m told he was about to drop his load into her.”
This was interrupted by a chorus of “Gross!” Regan continues her story. “Anyway he was about to when the long arm of the law seized him by the shoulders. He sprayed it all over Debbie’s face and hair.” Wide eyes came back with, “Yuck.” Reagan blushes, “and”, she points to Alex. “Your football hero was grabbed in a threesome with two skanks. I did not get their names.”
Kathy curious asks, “who was the next door neighbor or whatever, tell us the name.” Reagan laughs, “her name. He wouldn’t say other than she goes to our school. She was caught giving oral on another guy. They were all dragged off by the sheriff most of them partially clothed.” “Sooo,” begins Alex, “this cousin of yours is an innocent?” Reagan giggles, “not exactly, he was parked in a car elsewhere with Jen. He said she is a live one. Whatever, a live one means, but they were not at the bluff.”
Alex asks, “who is this cousin?” Reagan revealed she was sworn to secrecy and could not say. Kathy poked her adding, “Pete Reardon the team’s wide receiver. You just watch Pete will be walking down the hall tomorrow with his hand on Jen’s ass. She is a trophy and football players love showing off their hardware in more ways than one.”
The girls laughed and Reagan finally admitted it was Pete. “Screw him, he wants to act like a slut it is not my job to provide him cover.” The girls laughed again. Kathy acknowledged there will be plenty to talk about in school tomorrow. She then looked at Alex with a measuring gaze. “Allie” this is the first time I’ve seen you in a skirt. Don’t you dare wear one to school.”
Alex blinked back with a strange expression. At the same moment Kathy ran her fingers along Alex’s calf. “These legs are killer. I did not know you had gams that dangerous. Keep them hid or we won’t be able to keep the predators away.” Alex withdrew her leg slowly. Kathy grinned “I am not going to, and I don’t swing that way babe.” Again the room was filled with giggles.
On her two block walk home Alex called her mother. “Is dad home?” “Not yet honey,” came back a questioning answer. Alex speaks rapidly “I am on my way home. I forgot to change out of this skirt.” Gladys laughs, “I will distract him so you can get to your room. Do you want me to throw a pair of jeans and a tee into the garage?”
Alex says “no just give me a clear path to the stairs.” Her mother giggles saying, “I never imagined ever having this conversation with my,” she pauses collecting her thought, “child.” When Alex arrived dad’s car was in the driveway. She cracked open the front door to see mother’s back in the kitchen doorway. She was talking to Norman as the girl sneaked upstairs.
As expected the next day she saw Jen and Pete walking down the hall locked tightly together. Her mini was riding up and Pete’s hand was right where Reagan predicted. Alex blushed as Reagan said, “told ya.” Alex thought, ‘if her skirt gets any higher’ and giggled as well.
The buzz through the school reached fever pitch. The girls noted none of those named were in school this day. Both Alex and Kathy gave Reagan thumbs up as they sat at their table. It took less than a minute for Brian to plop down next to Alex. It was just before the unexpected happened. Jen dropped her book bag and pointed her attachment known as Pete to the hot girls table. “Be right over she said” before squeezing in between Alex and Brian.
The four looked at Jen with a shocked expression as the girl spoke. “Do you notice who is not here today?” The group cautiously nodded as Jen leaned forward with a consistorial gaze. “Kathy did you get my message?” Kathy regards the girl curiously answering in a guarded tone. “This morning mom told me you called the land line Saturday night. I figured I’d find out in school. Why didn’t you call my cell?”
Jen smiles, “I did not want to talk to you. I just wanted to find out where you guys were.” She tosses her hair. “I, didn’t think you would be out at the bluff. How was the Potter movie?” The girls narrow their focus at Jen. “And,” they say in unison.” Jen shrugs, “I will put it this way. It was my way of letting Jake know he can’t fuck with me. Aren’t you glad I like you guys?” She hurried off to sit with Pete.
“What the hell was that all about?” Brian asks the girls. Reagan smiles, “what a bitch.” This is echoed by Alex and Kathy with Kathy saying to the group. “It is her way of telling us don’t mess with the Queen.” Brian mutters, “I, don’t get it.” Kathy laughs pointing to Alex, “have Miss blue eyes over there explain it to you after school.”
On their way to the next class Kathy whispers to Alex, “I think Jen likes you.” Alex looks at her friend with an amused gaze. “What to you mean?” Kathy squeezes Alex’s hip, “likes you as in,” giving Alex a smaller squeeze, “that way.” Alex turns to face Kathy, “no, no, and no.” Kathy laughs bouncing into her Social Studies class as Alex goes toward skirt making 101.
Dr. Bradley stepped into her exam room to greet Alex, “call me Karen if you wish. My nurse practitioner tells me there are no signs of issues with blood pressure and so on. Dr Brooks, Rose as you know her by provided me with an update of your condition. Do you have the report from Dr. Grant? Alex nods as he hands over the report. “My parents are not aware of this.”
Karen nods, “and I, can’t tell them unless you say so. You will be eighteen in two months?” Alex nods as the doctor replies, “it will likely take that long to reach any decisions at any rate. Let me examine you and compare the two reports from Drs. Grant and Brooks.”
The doctor poked and prodded examining very closely the area of his genitals. She, ruffles her brows gazing at Alex with a bit of concern. “Am I mistaken or has your penis shrunk as well as your testis? These reports I thought may have been inaccurate, however, what I am seeing does not agree with either.”
Alex blinks again. “I, don’t make it a habit of paying attention to it. I don’t use it for anything other than going to the bathroom. Yes it does seem smaller.”
Dr. Bradley rubs her chin, “don’t be embarrassed it is not a crime to relieve yourself. Are you saying that you don’t get stimulated?” Alex blushes admitting, “well I do when taking a shower and I wash my” he paused pointing to his breast. “But not when you touch yourself down there?” Karen asks.
Alex admits the truth of the statement with a bit of embarrassment. The doctor begins to push personal questions. “What I understand is the school thinks you are a girl and you have not discouraged their belief?” Alex nods again pointing to his breasts “is it better to inform them and suffer the resulting teasing a boy with breasts would suffer?” Karen nods her head in agreement. “Your logic is sound and your friends your sister tells me both girls you hang out with are babes.” The doctor laughs, “you don’t have wet dreams thinking of them?” Alex flushes reporting with a positive voice, “no that would not be right.”
The doctor raises a brow regarding Alex. “What about other friends do any stimulate you?” Alex flushes at the question. Karen observes the blush. She is an expert on getting admissions out people and knows how to frame a question. “So there is a friend that causes you to get excited. Can you tell me his name, only the first name will do?”
Alex, quickly blurts out Brian,” he suddenly tenses up knowing he stepped into it. Dr. Bradley smiles gently asking “With Brian you are in the girl mode am I correct?” Alex nods, “I picture him kissing my breast and sometimes entering me. I know that is not possible and I will wake up from a dream covered with a mess.”
Doctor Bradley smiles “let me draw some blood I need to check some levels to compare them to what the other two reports claim. Your penis is half the size that Dr. Grant recorded. It was smaller as measured by Dr. Brooks. It tells me radical changes are happening and you can’t wait for the next checkup with Dr. Grant. It will take a few days to get the results.”
Karen Bradley spoke in gentle tones to the frightened boy. “Alex, I need to know the truth of your feelings.” Alex looked her in the eye promising to answer truthfully. “Good,” Karen Bradley said as she began. “This pretending to be a girl, is it a game or do you really want to be a girl?” Alex narrows his focus, “I, don’t think it is a game.” He described what a living hell his life was before moving across the state. He laid out how he was accepted and made many friends. He finished with, “I think I love Brian. I desperately want to kiss him and hold him and” his voice trailed off.
Dr Bradley said, “then what I suspect should not upset you. Your estrogen levels are normal for a teen girl. Your breast has enlarged from 32a to 32b. Your testosterone levels have fallen off the cliff. It does not appear you are creating that hormone. To reverse the process would be quite dangerous at this point. Alex you are a girl, almost.”
Alex smiles, “now what?” The doctor turns grave. “We need more tests. What I am seeing here is not anything that happens frequently. If you keep developing as you are, I expect you may begin to menstruate. There is no place for the excretions to go.” Alex half joking quips, “you can always cut it off.”
The doctor raises a brow, “not without months of sessions with psychiatrists unless there was a life and death medical reason. What I want you to do is go to the Women’s care center on West Drive. Give them this referral. They will do an MRI. Perhaps we will learn something. I am also going to arrange an appointment with Dr. Weber who will assess you for reassignment surgery.”
Alex questions, “reassignment but I, can’t do that until January.”
“I know,” the doctor answers. You need months of counseling first.” Alex nods her understanding. “I will see you in one more week Alex.”
On his way home Alex called the new doctor making an appointment for two weeks in the future. Alex was beginning to feel crowded like the walls were caving in.
Brian stepped back and took a long jump shot over Scott’s outstretched arms. It circled the basket dropping through the net. Scott grabs the ball bouncing it. He turns to Brian “you won that one. What is going on with you and Winslow?” Brian nods with a shrug. “She is cool we get along ok.” He continues to walk down the driveway with Scott following. “You know Bri; it won’t do you any good sniffing around that she is out of your league.” Brian stops and turns to face his friend. “What are you talking about?
Scott answers quickly, “well bro she is friends with Reagan and Kathy you are only kidding yourself, that’s all.” Brian’s ire now raised causes him to stare at Scott, “really?” He dials Alex’s cell. “Alex this is Brian do you want to go to a movie Friday night” adding “Just me an you?” Brian smiles, “you pick the movie, see you at seven.”
Scott looks at him just as Sandy Rice walks by, “hey Sandy got a minute?” The girl walks over to him all smiles. “I heard about the bluff.” Sandy blushes, “and why do you bring that up?” She shuffles her feet smiling at Scott. The boy touches her arm “I wanted to ask you what about Friday are you busy?” Sandy beams, “I’ll meet you at the Dog Shack say eight?” Scott nods, “it’s a date.” Sandy waves as she walks away. He turns to Brian, “we both have a skank for Friday night.”
Brian’s reaction was so quick it was almost as if his left upper cut found its mark before the words left Scott’s mouth. Scott landed on his back with Brian diving onto him. The scuffle lasted a few minutes before Scott’s father broke it up sending Brian home.
Kathy and Reagan sat in their favorite lunch seats arriving ahead of Alex. Brian joined them sporting a puffy cut lip. Reagan stared at him, “uh Bri how many times did I tell you not to pressure Alex?” The girls laughed while Brian blushed. “You should see Scott,” Kathy offered. “Why did you pop him Brian?” Brian shook his head, “I’m not talking.”
Alex appeared and everyone grew quiet. One look at Brian caused Alex to require an answer from him. But he was still not talking. Suddenly Scott showed up sporting a shiner. Brian started to stand. But Scott held both hands out motioning him to remain seated. The group looked at Scott curiously who very softly said, “Alex, Brian I am sorry. I should not have said what I did.” He turned and walked away. Brian got up and followed they talked for a few seconds, shook hands and Brian returned to the table with a grin. Reagan grabbed Brian’s shoulder, “spill.”
The girls walked Alex home chatting non stop amazed that Brian would slug his best friend because he said something nasty about Alex. “That boy is in love with you Allie,” chimed Kathy. Reagan added “totally gone.” Alex walked with her friends as they had teased non stop. She blushed often trying to get them to stop. Finally, her friends dropped off and Alex ran into the house. Her thoughts were on Brian as she listened to her stereo while spending an hour with the boy on her cell.
After school the next day, Alex walked into the Women’s care center presenting her referral. An hour later she walked out without the least bit of information other than her doctor will have the report in a few days. Alex had another wait so she shoved it to the back of her mind. Upon entering the house she saw her mother waiting to talk. “Alex you asked your father if it was ok to go to the movies Friday night? With Brian am I right?” Alex informs her it is only a movie nothing more than that. Gladys cautioned Alex, “First the boy kissed you after walking you home. You enjoyed it as you admitted to me. You realize the next step leads to another step further along. I told you before it is unfair to Brian to lead him on.”
Alex shook her head, “mother I am not leading him on.” Reaching her door she enters it slamming it behind. Alex even more frustrated by this conversation reached for a photo of Kathy. While starring at the silken long black hair of her friend, Alex slipped her hand into her jeans. She felt for the thing she often resented beginning to stroke it as her eyes focused on Kathy. ‘I love her hair I would give it a bit less feathering. Perhaps wearing a beret would look great on her’ Alex thought, as she continued searching for stimulation that was not there. ‘I really like how it frames her face.’ Alex suddenly stops realizing that there is no stimulation. ‘What the hell am I doing this for it is freaky.’ She stops putting Kathy’s picture back on the stand. ‘God that was so wrong.’
She sits there for several minutes reviewing what she just did. Pangs of guilt rise up. ‘That was just queer; I should not be thinking thoughts like that about my best friend.’ Alex squirms in her sitting position on the bed conflicted ‘what is wrong with a guy thinking thoughts about a pretty girl like that? Well perhaps it’s because I have crossed the line. Perhaps all this girl shit has me convinced I am a Girl. Father always said tell a lie often enough and even the liar believes it’ Alex closes her eyes for a moment.
Turning her head she notices a picture of Brian and she absently fondles her breasts while gazing into his eyes. It takes only moments for Alex to spasm into her panties. She moans, though sated Alex’s confusion morphs into clarity. ‘I like boys Brian turns me on Reagan and Kathy do not what the hell does that make me?’ Alex looks into the mirror raising a brow, ‘do I have to ask that question? I act and think like a girl. I look like a girl and I lust after a hunk.’
She calls Brian to relieve her frustration. “Brian what do you want from me?” Brian completely taken back has no idea what to say. He falls on the old reliable, “nothing.” Alex considers “I don’t mean things. I mean where do you see this going, me and you I mean.” Her statement was perfectly clear to her.
Poor Brian was confused. The poor boy was putting the lawn furniture into the garage as a fall storm was approaching when he got this call. He had a serious crush on Alex. But as Scott said she was well above him in the social order. ‘What in the hell is she talking about?’ He opted for a safe answer. “Alex, I, want to be your friend. I want to get close to you. I want to spend time with you. I want to know you. I want to protect you.”
The girl shook his answer was so romantic. ‘He was tall and strong and good looking and he wanted to protect me’. Her thoughts spun as she was trying to catch up with herself. “Is that all,” she says in a joking tone. Brian heard her tone, “are you laughing at me?” Alex answered quickly, “no I would never laugh at you. You are too important too me.”
Brian begins to come out of his daze. “Alex you said where do you see this going, me and you. Does that mean you think there is a you, and me?” Alex smiles, “don’t you?” Brian takes a deep breath. “Alex, are you my girlfriend?”
Alex catches her breath, “do you want me to be? I can’t give you what most boys want. I can’t at this time anyway.”
Brian rolls his eyes, again struggling for a safe answer. ‘Do I want Alex for a girl friend? Do I want to die and go to heaven?’ The safe answer suddenly appears. “What most boys want? I am not most boys, holding you and kissing you is more than enough. Waking up every day knowing Alex likes me is more than enough. I would never make demands of you.”
The girl smiles “so what was the answer to my question?” Brian smiles finally taking a chance. “Alex will you be my girlfriend? Go steady with me?” Alex now bubbling answers, “as long as you don’t tell my father. He does not want any boyfriends no matter how nice they are.” Brian answers, “deal.”
Brian sat in his room viewing a picture of Alex taken at a school event. He starred at those deep sparkling blue eyes that seemed to see through you. He took a deep breath raising a broad smile. ‘I never would have thought she liked me that much. Yes Alex, I will protect you.’ He rubbed his still sore lip and turned to his homework.
It was an hour later when Brian walked into the living room, “dad”. He said. Wayne Patten looked up and saw confusion on his son’s face. He put down his newspaper, “is something wrong?” Brian shook his head as he sat down
“Dad do you understand women?” Wayne laughed, ‘hell no son any man who claims he can is a fool.” Wayne studied his son, “does that have anything to do with that lip of yours? I did not quite buy that getting hit by a rebound story.”
Brian laughed and told the story of Scott, Sandy and Alex. “So you hit your best friend because he insulted this girl, Alex. Is Alex the Winslow girl do you?” Wayne asked cautiously.
The boy nods saying, “yes my question is about Alex.” Wayne tilts his head back. “I understand she is one of the popular girls. You have tended to avoid the so called school superstars. What happened?”
Brian shrugs, “we sort of hit it off.” He tells his father about the conversation with Alex. He just had on the phone. Wayne smiles, “I heard she is a nice girl. She is well mannered and there no drinking or parties. She has a good reputation. He winks at his son and darn good looking as well. You are telling me this popular girl that every guy is after called you asking for a date?”
The boy smiles, “not exactly but she hinted and asked some strange questions. We went out together last week to the Potter movie.” Wayne rubs his chin musing “so you did go on a date that night after all. I thought it was just a group hang out thing.”
Brian smiles “It was like that. Kathy Wyatt, Reagan Anderson and their boy friends were going. Kathy and Reagan asked me to join them if I asked Alex. Mr. Patten laughed saying “I understand this much. Two of the most popular girls in school asked you to date another very popular girl. That is an easy answer son; Alex had her friends get you to ask her.”
The boy blinks “Alex wanted me to ask her, me?” Now it is Wayne’s turn to laugh. “I kept telling you that there was a nice girl waiting for you. It looks like she found you. I take it you have another date with Alex?” Wayne cautions his son “you do know that Mr. Anderson is the president of the bank? Mr. Wyatt runs the Grange conglomerate for the Eastern side of the state. Mr. Winslow is the Comptroller for the district church.
Brian raises a big smile. “We are going steady dad.” Quickly adding “yeah but the girls are not uppity at all. You would think they were poor. They don’t even hang with the upper crust.”
Mr. Patten stands “son welcome to the club. Bring Alex over for dinner on Friday night. I want to meet this girl. From what I hear you did well.”
Alex stepped into Dr. Bradley’s office to get the results of her recent tests. The doctor took Alex’s hand and sat next to the girl. “You are the most interesting person I ever encountered Alex.” The girl blinked “what do you mean?” Still holding Alex’s hand Karen Bradley speaks in a soft voice. “I must share the findings with you and they are rather shocking. Considering the hormone levels the discovery is less surprising.” Alex blinks “what am I a freak as I thought?” Karen shakes her head. “No honey you are just different. Your body is at war with itself. It is a battle the male half versus the female half with the girly side winning.”
The doctor brings up the pictures showing the internal view of Alex’s body. “Do you see that?” she asks pointing to an odd shaped mass.” “Cancer,” asked in a trembling voice. Karen shakes her head, “no they are ovaries.” She draws her finger to another spot "and this is your urethra. It is a tube that connects your bladder to your penis. But as you can see here it forms a Y. One end connects to your penis the other to this.” She points to a one and a half inch tube like thing that ends behind his ball sack. There is a channel above it. “You see that channel it is just where it is supposed to be. Above the urethra the one that appears to just end. You see if the ball sack was not there you could pee out of both sides of that tube.”
Alex blinks, what is that channel?” Dr. Bradley answers without blinking, without pulling any punches, “your vagina. Consider this, your urethra connects to your bladder to your penis or you’re a hole below your vagina allowing you to eliminate. It has a small opening just below your vagina. Remove the useless ball sack open the vagina and you my young lady are the girl you were meant to be.” Alex begins to understand raising another question. What about my thing?” Karen smiles, “your thing as you call it could be several things. It appears to be a penis. It functions as one.” Alex raises a brow. Karen continues “the small sacks you have could not produce enough to combat the rush of female hormones you were producing. That is why you could not get an erection”
“So I am a girl,” Alex states with a noticeable satisfaction. “Karen cautions, “not so fast Missy there is a problem. You can’t wait until January.” Alex begins to panic “can’t wait?” Dr. Bradley shakes her head “your testicles have stopped producing and female puberty is screaming down on you like a runaway freight train. You will be menstruating any day now. I need to talk to your parents and we need to operate. You don’t want to find out what happens when that flow has no place to go.”
Alex shakes her head. “They won’t go along with it. It will be God’s plan even if I die.” Karen squeezes her hand and then hugs her. “Not even your mother?” Alex shrugs, “maybe.” Dr. Bradley says “your other option is to hang around the hospital emergency room waiting to pass out so we can do emergency surgery to save your life.” Alex promises to talk to her mother. Dr. Bradley said “I cancelled the appointment with the psychiatrists you don’t need it. I want to see you and your mother here after school on Monday.”
More scared than ever Alex walked home conflicted. ‘I am a girl after all. I won’t let my friends down. I can wear my hair long. I can dress in skirts.’ Her eyes narrow, ‘dad will freak.’
Alex dressed for the Senior Prom
Alex’s parents finally come to terms with the physical condition their child suffered.
While Alex discovers she really is a girl.
Revised and edited. Rights reserved by author. Permission granted to Big Closet.
Alex hesitated to bring the medical issue to her mother. She feared mother would somehow go along with father. Alex believed her mother fully subscribed to the teaching that wives are subservient to their husbands. She was afraid expecting that any minute she would have a period and die. Suddenly Alex discovered being a girl was no picnic. She decided to wait until the weekend hoping to enjoy her date with Brian.
Come seven p.m. Friday Brian waltzed up to the front door. He knocked as Alex ran down the stairs flying to open it. She did not get completely out the door before Norman intercepted her. “Are you in a hurry?” He asked with an odd expression. “Alex do you really need that long raincoat? You remind me of a pervert on a television show.”
Alex said “I thought it was going to rain.” Don’t be silly,” Norman says when Gladys appears at the door. Brian is beginning to get nervous. Gladys sends Norman back to his T.V. program. “I will handle it.” Norman grumbled something as he walked away. It sounded like, “kids today are insane.”
Gladys stood in the doorway saying, “Alex honey give me the rain coat.” Alex sheepishly removed the coat handing it to her mother.” Mom’s eyes opened wide as she saw her daughter dressed in a denim skirt. It was not too short and matched the cream colored blouse she wore. Gladys handed the girl a sweater. “I will leave the rain coat right here. Have a good time. Brian, take care of her.” It was Gladys’ way of saying behave yourself and Brian understood. He took Alex’s hand and walked down the street.
It may or may not have been a good movie the kids will never know. Alex turned to whisper something to Brian when he kissed her. His hand slipped onto her knee where it stayed. It may not have been the longest kiss in history but it did last until the end of the movie. They walked home hand in hand and at her front porch they kissed good night again. Alex went inside to face her mother.
Gladys turned to face Alex with a look of concern. “What is it dear? You look troubled, really troubled.” Mrs. Winslow drew closer sensing the seriousness of her daughter’s countenance.
Alex draws a breath speaking slowly. “I need you to meet me at Dr. Bradley’s office Monday after school.” Gladys steps back turning away from Alex toward the living room. “I need to speak to your father.”
“No mother you can’t do that unless you want to cause my death.”
Gladys stops in her tracks she turns with a horrified expression. “Don’t be so dramatic you make it sound like life and death. Your father would never hurt you.”
Alex frowns, “mother he already has and if you care at all about me you will see Dr. Bradley. Or I will surely die. It is that serious.”
Gladys, stunned at Alex’s dramatic statement blurts, “you are serious about this aren’t you?” Alex replies with a certainty “I have never been more so mother. If I do not get the proper treatment and soon, I will die it is that certain. Will you meet with Doctor Bradley or not?” Gladys nods her agreement as she sits mouthing a silent prayer. The weekend sped by rather quietly until Sunday evening.
Mr. Winslow had learned about the incident on the bluff and insisted on going to the school meeting. The Sunday evening special school board meeting was short. In spite of conservative outrage the offenders received three days suspension. Winning football games once again won priority. Especially when you have a rare championship caliber team. The players continued to get scholarship offers from major universities. The girls noticed their scholarship offers were being withdrawn.
“Obviously shaking your ass is less important than throwing a football and besides groupies are easy to find.” The Winslow's heard Jen's loud comment as her family left the meeting. Her father was seen slapping her. To which she replied, “yes dad it is ok for the guys to act like sluts but let one of us.” Before she could finish, her mother was seen dragging her toward the car.”
When the family arrived home Norman grumbled about unacceptable behavior in parking lot. Gladys was a little bit upset about this and commented about it. Norman cautioned her saying “the Bible has strong opinions about wanton women. There is harsh punishment for whoring.”
Alex went ballistic asking her father, “just how big of a hypocrite are you?”
Her father blinked blindsided by the outburst. Alex reinforced her argument by not backing down. “A Christian would be the first to forgive. Your church should offer scholarships to the girls. What a wonderful opportunity that would provide. You'd teach them the forgiveness of the Lord.”
Stunned, by Alex's unexpected comments, father paused unable to answer. Gladys almost burst out laughing. She had to leave the room to gather her control. Norman looked at Alex, “son that is a loving attitude the Lord would be proud.” Alex widened his eyes as his father's response surprised him. He expected another lecture.
“Ah then you will do it?” Asked Alex as father walked out of the room without answering.
Mother's fading laughter filtered into the room from the kitchen.
Alex’s cell rang she answered surprised that Jen was calling. She wondered what Jen could possibly want. Jen spoke with concern in her voice. “Alex did you hear about the school meeting?” Alex answers cautiously uncertain about her response. “Yes, it was a typical double standard. I hear you had a hard time in the parking lot.”
Jen answers, “I figured you and everyone as well. Look Alex, I know we are not friends but I also know you tell it straight. Was I wrong?” Alex pauses, “wrong about what? Were you wrong about the double standard, hell no.”
Jen tells Alex, “I got grounded. Dad did not like it that I called the star football player a slut.”
Alex laughs. “You said that?”
Jen tells Alex about the confrontation. “I got grounded for two weeks. I want to know do you guys see me as a slut because I dated that guy and now date another player?”
Alex thought about it searching for an answer. She considered if she thought Jen a slut, shrugged and replied, “no. You are a popular girl, very pretty and most girls are envious of you. Yeah some will call you names. Reagan, Kathy and I have no reason to think of you that way. We may think you are a bitch sometimes but that’s normal.”
Jen laughs, “what about the guys what do they say?”
Alex blinks hearing that question. “I am not sure. I have not heard any of them talk about you but you know how Brian got his fat lip don’t you?”
Jen laughs, “No but I am dying to find out.”
Alex tells Jen. “Scott was talking about a girl he was dating. Scott called her a skank because she put out. He then insinuated all girls are skanks and Brian might get lucky with me. It gives you the idea of how these guys think. Some of them have no regard for girls.”
The girl talking to Alex responds, “really those bastards really do that?”
Alex confirms Jen's question. She questioned to herself if the Queen really did not know that? “I bet every one of those guys give blow by blow descriptions to their buds.”
Jen, thinks ‘blow by blow, does Alex know I went down on Jake and Pete?’ “You did not hear any stories about me like that did you?”
Alex answers, “no but then again I am not a jock. Be careful Jen, they will use, abuse and brag about it.” Jen thanks Alex and cuts off. Alex puzzled wonders, ‘did I just create another ice princess? Dad would be proud of my doing the Lord’s work.’
At the Monday lunch session Brian showed a greater smile than usual. His lip mostly healed almost looked normal as he sat down at their usual table. He noticed that lately he has been getting more than a passing glance from several girls. Kathy leaned forward drawing her slender finger along Brian’s lip. “You are looking better babe.”
Another girl from the next table watched with interest. Reagan leaned over whispering something causing the boy to blush. Alex sat back as her friends worked the boy over. She commented “Bri have you noticed your rating changed to major hunk according to the babe patrol?” Brian blinks, “what?”
Reagan laughs, “it is girl rule number one Brian. It does not matter how much of a geek a guy is. When a high class chick notices him his status rises.”
“Yeah, Bri you have it all over Jake.” Kathy added teasingly. “Now that Alex has you snared they wonder how did such a handsome piece of manly flesh escape us? They all want in now.”
Alex says in a sultry voice, “didn’t you wonder why chicks flocked to Jake and not you? When we all know you are much better than the girls thought.”
Brian is in full blush mode his face reddening to match the color of his lips. “Come on girls you are getting carried away.” Brian defends himself. Alex grins as she kisses his ear.
Brian turns quickly handing the girl a gold heart on a matching chain. “I found this someplace it has your name on it. Did you lose it?” Alex looks at the heart inscribed ‘To Alex from Brian.’ Beaming the girl puts it on while her friends become giddy fawning over it.
Brian's eyes sparkle as he gazes at Alex. “You need to be more careful with expensive items like that.” His smile broadens. “It is my way of saying thank you for trading projects.”
Alex shakes her head. “I had nothing to do with that. I need to know what size you are." Brian blinks asking, “why do you need to know?”
Alex twists her fingers in her hair devilishly. “Uh I just wondered because the skirt I made has an elastic waist band instead of zipper and button. I thought you could wear the skirt and I'd wear the pants you made.”
Brian balks retelling the girls he drew a skirt in the Home Economic Olympics while Alex got a pair of slacks.
Reagan offered, “that was sweet of you Alex.” Alex shakes her head. “I had no choice the old biddy made me do it. It gets worse; I have to wear it to class. So what is your size Brian? You wear the skirt I’ll wear the slacks.”
The boy’s face reddened as he shakes his head yelling, “no way. The pants would be way too long for you. I did not do a diligent effort to perfect the length so you could wear them rolled up.” He thought his comeback was good.
The two girls did not back up their friend turning on her. They both said in unison, “oh no Alex you’re wearing the skirt. We never see you enfemme.”
“How is the project going guys?” Kathy asks.
Brian sheepishly confesses. “I am behind. Basketball practice has been more demanding than I thought.”
Erin Wright from another table calls over, “I will help if you need.” Brian glances to Alex and she nods whispering, “ok with me. I trust you.”
Kathy and Reagan call Alex nuts. Brian is unsure if she meant it. The boy said, “Thank you Erin but I have to do it myself, the rules you know.”
All three girls in unison say, “good answer.”
Brian blinks, “do you guys share the same brain?”
Alex says, “now you know girl rule number two. Boy friend will not accept help from pretty chicks.”
The bell rings for class with Brian saying “I just learned the first two girl rules. How good is that?”
Kathy quips, “yeah but you just blew it big time. You just had a chance to get into Alex’s skirt.”
Reagan added, “a chance like that may not come again.” Brian blushes as he escapes down the hall. Regan and Kathy tell Alex, “you got a keeper.”
As they walk down the hall Alex is beginning to perspire and she suddenly grabs her stomach bending over and moaning. Kathy holds her asking, “cramps?” Alex nods hearing Reagan whisper, “monthly visitor?”
Alex suddenly panics and grabs Reagan's arm. “walk me to the nurse’s office?” Without waiting for an answer she nearly screams to Kathy. “Call Dr. Bradley, tell her emergency, cramps and to call the nurses office. Talk to her she will know.”
Kathy, panicked punches the numbers into her cell.
Gladys Winslow drives rapidly toward the hospital after receiving the call from school. She tried several times to reach her husband Norman whose cell was out of contact with the tower. She left a panicked message advising him to meet her at the hospital. No it was not her she was fine it was Alex. No she did not know beyond the school nurse saying cramps, fever and passing out. She could only hear the words, 911, hospital, and Dr. Bradley.
She pulled into hospital parking lot then ran into the building trying to get someone to listen. She questioned every staff member she found until one directed to a waiting room. Over the next Several hours, though it was only minutes in real time, she determined there were twenty-four rows of ceiling tiles. She also felt the painting of a girl fishing was not very good. A nurse appeared leading her to a conference room. Still no answers she waited for Dr. Bradley’s assistant.
Miley Summers spoke with a soft concerned voice. Mrs. Winslow regarded the young woman as a mere girl. Tall and thin she appeared with golden hair. She had green eyes and slim build. She could have been a college student. Gladys worried about this young girl ‘is the one who holds my child’s life?’ The woman turns to face the Doctor.
“Mrs. Winslow, I am Dr. Summers Dr. Bradley’s assistant. Alex is in surgery we expect all will go well as the response was rapid. Alex knew exactly what to do and her friend Katherine Wyatt called Dr. Bradley quickly.”
Gladys narrowed her gaze with concern showing. “Surgery? My God what happened? My husband opposes any surgery.”
Dr. Summers with a quizzical expression said to the fraught woman. “It does not matter what your husband opposes. When a life is in danger and surgery is the only method to save a life the state authorizes the hospital to act in emergencies. Do you know what your daughter’s condition is?” The doctor asked surprised to hear the woman’s reaction.
Gladys knows that Alex is presenting as girl and the community sees him as a girl. He is still a boy down there. She changed his diapers and she knows what she brought into this world. Her response was normal considering the doctors had to find his male appendage. She responded in a rational way so she thought, “my daughter? You mean my son. I know only that my son Alex is in the hospital and you are operating.”
Miley Summers widens her eyes, “your son? Mrs. Winslow, your son is suffering from internal bleeding caused by a menstrual discharge. A growth blocks the evacuation of the flow. If the menstrual flow cannot evacuate her body, she will die. I know of no way this can occur in a male. I know you are upset please sit down everything is under control. Can we get you something to drink, coffee or tea?”
The woman nearly falls into a sitting position in the straight plastic chair. Gladys tried to gather her thoughts. ‘Alex said Dr. Bradley wanted to discuss her findings with both of us. What could she possibly have discovered? Alex was playing at being a girl. He was taking advantage of his odd chest growth. Are they trying to tell me that with his body producing these strange symptoms, it is really turning him into a girl? I thought by playing along with his joke he would realize the implications of his ruse and the danger he put himself in.’ She nods to the young doctor. “I am sorry I am very concerned and very confused. Can I speak with Dr. Bradley?”
Dr. Summers admits she never met her partner’s patient and is not familiar with the case. She knew that Karen said it was very strange. Being pragmatic she simply said “I am sorry but it is Dr. Bradley who is performing the surgery. She is with your daughter now. Dr. Bradley will be in soon and give you a full briefing.”
Gladys paced back and forth reviewing all that had passed these past few months. She pictured Alex in her mind seeing the pretty, no beautiful girl she was. She recalled telling Alex that she believed her. Gladys, now torn fraught with the friction between denial and reality she came to terms. ‘Alex was a girl all along?’
At that moment Norman burst into the room highly agitated. Before he could even speak Gladys said, “Norman, sit down shut up and I will explain.” She turned to Dr. Summers with a smile, “thank you. I will talk with my husband.”
The Doctor smiled with a hushed voice, “thank you and Alex is in excellent hands.” With that she stepped outside. Miley Summers was even more convinced this child’s mother was a basket case.
Norman was ready to burst but Gladys could settle him down for the moment. “It will be ok.” She said with a quiet confidence. The Lord’s will is being done.”
Norman began his outrage with his usual refrain. “The Lord would not approve.”
Mrs. Winslow’s response was sudden, loud and certain. “Shut up If you cause any more problems Alex and I will leave you. I am fed up with your inability to listen to reason. You almost killed your daughter and I refuse to allow you to prevent the treatment she needs.”
Norman shocked, by his wife’s sudden command can only whisper. “I did nothing to Jami. The girl left because she could not accept the Lord.”
Gladys shakes her head. “I am talking about Alex.” Stunned, Norman widens his eyes and sits back with an incredulous gaze.
Alex’s mother says to her husband, “you will listen to Dr. Bradley and keep your mouth shut. Alex and I had a talk just yesterday and her, yes I said her insight may help you.”
Norman blinks as his wife continues, “suppose as a result of your praying the Lord answered but you did not hear?”
Mr. Winslow now puzzled listened intently. “Norman suppose just suppose the Lord gave Dr. Bradley the intellect and tools to save your daughter. Would you consider her effort is in fact the Lord’s will?”
Norman widens his eyes as if to consider while his resistance melts. Gladys just gave him the ability to accept science while not turning his back on his life long beliefs.
Mr. Winslow smiles mumbling his speech. “It is the Lord’s way. He provides a miracle without drawing attention to himself.”
Gladys smiles inwardly thinking ‘manipulation is not always evil in fact it can be the Lord’s will.’ She laughed as Norman sat praying.
A confused Dr. Summers met her partner as she exited the operating room. “Karen how did it go?”
Dr. Bradley smiles answering, “very well the girl pulled through quite famously. She will be sore for a few days with some discomfort.”
Miley displays a visage of concern. “I must tell you Karen that woman, the girl’s mother is highly distraught. She insists the girl is her son.”
Karen smiles, “I know it is rather confusing but take my word for it she is normal. I will fill you in at the office tomorrow. Right now I have good news to deliver and a bubble bath waiting.”
A tall strikingly beautiful woman entered the conference room. She was wearing hospital scrubs appearing quite spent. In her hand was a large thin manila envelope. “Mr. and Mrs. Winslow, I presume?” Gladys and Norman smiled a smile described as worn and hopeful. "I am Doctor Karen Bradley, Alex's OBGYN. Alex is fine you can see her shortly. First I must explain to you what happened to the child you thought was your son.”
Norman sat forward in his seat curious not understanding what is going on but he remained silent. His eyes darted from the Doctor to his wife. Listening in silence is a new experience for Norman.
Dr. Bradley placed the contents of the envelope into a tray. A large screen television projected a picture of Alex's internal organs. “This is a view of Alex as taken by the M.R.I. a few days ago.” She looks at Norman. “Do you recognize that?”
Norman’s eyes widen sputtering, “is that?” His eyes expand, he cannot finish. Gladys takes his hand. Karen smiles. “This explains the reason that Alex could not produce enough testosterone to begin male puberty. It also explains the elevated levels of estrogen. The problem was the blockage you see here. By not having an open Vaginal Canal Alex’s system could not evacuate the menstrual fluids. By not passing the fluids Alex would suffer from a resulting chemical poisoning causing death. You see when you refused testosterone treatments it accelerated the advance of female puberty.” Karen takes a deep breath, “don’t hold yourself guilty because of that decision. The treatments would only have prolonged the inevitable. Under these conditions the testis would fail.”
“I nearly killed my son,” Norman blurts and begins to sob. As demonstrated before Doctor Bradley is a master of framing an argument. She leans over touching Norman’s hand.
“Mr. Winslow this is not your fault. Had you allowed, the proposed treatment by Dr. Grant it would only have prolonged the problem making it worse.” She repeated her previous statement determined to ram that point home. “Dr. Grant is an excellent doctor. His suggested treatment was correct. With the female hormones over powering the male production the situation would come to this at some point. The usage of male hormones would have only delayed the onset of female puberty. The opposing hormones are the reason Alex had not developed normally. When his testicles finally succumbed then normal puberty began in earnest. I say normal because Alex has a fully developed female reproductive system. No other outcome was possible.”
Dr. Bradley takes a deep breath. “This is nothing anyone did and it is not the first time this event has taken place. Do you understand?” Both parents nod. Norman appeared especially defeated.
She turns to Gladys handing her a card. This is Katherine’s phone number. Call the girl she saved Alex’s life.” Both parents demonstrate surprise. “Had she not called me the hospital would have delayed treatment by having to take several tests. I already had these results and advised Alex to bring you to see me. Remember Alex was unconscious she could not have told them. Please do not, I repeat do not mention the details. Alex’s friends have always known him as a girl. You don’t want to put your daughter in a hopeless position.” Dr. Bradley concludes. “The nurse will bring you to her room. She can to go home in a couple of days. We need to monitor her and control her first period. Yes, she can have visitors.” As Dr. Bradley turned to leave she turned to Mr. Winslow, “Oh just so you are aware I pray for the Lord’s help before every surgery.”
Shaken, the parents thanked Karen and found themselves at Alex’s bedside.
The girl smiled through the soreness she felt. “Hi you two look like you have been through the war.” She giggles as both parents approach she cautiously says to her father, “are you angry with your new daughter?”
Norman crying rushes to her bed hugging Alex whispering, “angry? I am praising the Lord for giving me a beautiful child. She is a lovely daughter I can be thankful for that.”
Gladys is smiling and crying at the same time. The woman had to dig deep to find the strength to fight for her daughter.
Norman spoke softly to Alex. “We will keep your secrets. You must promise to bring Kathy, Reagan and that special boy to the house. I want to meet the people who love my daughter.”
Dr. Bradley entered the room chasing the parents out. “You can bring her home Thursday but I must speak with my favorite patient.” Norman thanked the doctor and he and his wife went home exhausted but happily relieved.
Karen Bradley spoke for a few moments with Alex. She presented her an informational packet every teen girl should have. She says to her patient “you scared us. I see your parents are accepting the result.”
Alex smiled “yes they are. Much easier than I expected.” she sighed with relief.
Karen turned to the important issue at hand. “Alex am I wrong by guessing you have no idea how to deal with a period?”
Alex blushes, “I am clueless.”
Let me examine you, I will explain step by step. The Doctor when finished asks, “do you understand now?”
Alex frowns shyly, “yes I understand that every month the mess reappears. Just when I thought being a girl was something great.”
Karen laughs, “it will not be every month. It does not occur during pregnancy."
Alex balks “when I’m pregnant? Are you saying I can get pregnant?”
“Yes Alex all of your plumbing is intact and in working order. Young lady welcome to the world of womanhood.” Very gently Dr. Bradley questions “I understand your parents may not accept this but would you like a prescription for birth control?”
Alex shakes her head, “no thank you. I, don’t intend to take this new equipment out for a test ride just yet.”
Karen nods “if you change your mind just ask. I will see you in my office next week. I expect you there after school on Tuesday.”
Alex agrees. “I just want to get out of here.”
At seven a.m., Alex stirred from her sleep as she heard the door to her private room open and close. With her eyes closed she imagined, ‘here comes the vampire to suck more blood.’ She rolled to burry her face into the pillow again thinking, ‘go away.’ A sharp tugging on her shoulder caused the girl to raise, “Go Away!”
A softer pair of voices are heard speaking in hushed tones. “Sssshh do you want us to get thrown out?”
Alex sits up to see Reagan and Kathy. “What are you doing here?”
Reagan smiles. “We needed to know if they fixed your tits. Brian is dying of curiosity.” Alex hits her with the pillow. “It is not my tits.”
Kathy laughs. “We know you got nice tits, a little small but compact and firm.” Alex hits her too. “Seriously girlfriend we were worried are you ok?” Kathy asks.
Alex nods, “just a plumbing problem they needed to open the stopper.”
Reagan blinks as both girls sit on the edge of the bed. “Spill,” they say in unison.
Alex does not want to reveal her whole problem so she tells them the part they can handle. ‘Besides it is true’, she thinks. “I had a blockage that closed my” Alex suddenly paused. She struggled trying to think of a word that escaped her. “Well, you know the part where the curse comes out.”
The girls laugh, “ok we know what a Vaginal Canal is. You are telling us something was stuck in there.” All three laugh this time.
“No silly” Alex says. Reagan laughing as she speaks. “I could not imagine what you could have stuck up there. Next time just ask Brian. He‘d be happy to do that.” By now the three were almost hysterical before Alex gained her composure. “Guys get real I’m still a virgin, nothing got shoved in there. I had a growth that blocked the channel and my flow could not get out. That caused chemical poisoning and me to go into shock.”
Both girls turned white, “like the tampon warnings. I thought that was just covering your ass bull shit” Kathy said.
Reagan answered “I guess it isn’t.” They both kissed Alex. “We will be back after school. See ya.” The girls left for school and Alex laughed until she thought about the changes she faced.
When she finally got home Alex was called into her father’s den. She was wearing a knee length lavender skirt with a white turtle neck. Norman smiled at her. “I never saw how pretty you are princess.”
Alex blinked, ‘princess?’ “What did you want daddy?” Her choice of words was deliberate sort of her revenge for princess. Norman appeared rather subdued as he began to speak. “I must beg for your forgiveness for being so unapproachable.”
The girl considered a moment and easily forgave her father. Though she was angry, about a lot of issues she felt it was time to bury the hatchet.”
“You see my daughter my narrow view of the Lord’s will blinded me to the obvious. You did not know Doctor Bradley and I had a long talk. She convinced me that science and religion are not at odds with each other. It is like the teaching the man to fish story. The Lord is teaching man how to perform miracles every day. You do know not too long ago you would have died because science had not learned enough?”
Alex grins, “do you mean you are not going to resort to saying it is the Lord’s will all the time?”
Norman smiled. “It was the Lord’s will that allowed Dr. Bradley to be successful.” Alex hugged her father thinking ‘he had made some progress.’
That evening Brian, Reagan and Kathy all appeared at the Winslow home. All three friends received the approval of Norman Winslow. Brian was the one who received the deepest inspection. Following a moderate length chat in the living room the kids bounded up to Alex’s room. Their flight was so quick Norman could not get out his reciting of his formal rule.
Seeing only legs bounding up the stairs Norman stands, “No,” Immediately, he is shushed by Gladys “Remember Alex is a girl? The No girl in room rule no longer applies.”
Norman sits considering that simple fact. He whispers to his wife. “I almost made a fool of myself.” He suddenly stands recalling “Brian is a boy.”
Gladys grabs his arm, “sit we can bend the rule this time.”
As they are all gathered around the twelve by twelve bedroom Brian stands awkwardly as he sees Kathy, Reagan and Alex sitting girl style on Alex’s bed. Reagan suddenly clutches Brian’s arm directing him to an empty corner of the bed. Blushing, he sits.
It was then the group saw a large rectangle hanging on Alex’s wall that faces her bed. It was covered by a sheet. The three guests gazed at it curiously.
Brian points to the sheet, “what’s that?”
Alex giggles excitedly, “remove the sheet Bri. You do the honors.”
Brian carefully takes down the sheet. He, Kathy and Reagan gasps as they view a sixteen by twenty-four oil painting of themselves standing in a meadow with Alex. There is a small covered bridge over a tiny stream. On the bridge wall above the entry are three words. They read, Best Friends Forever. The kids exclaim breathlessly a series of odd sounds each in their own voice.
Alex reaches under the bed pulling three long tubes each containing the same painting as seen on the wall. “For you guys, it only took three months to pull off. I don’t want you to feel bad knowing I slaved over this while you guys were having fun. No guilt trip here.”
As Alex began to giggle there was a hog pile on top of her shaking the bed as she was showered by hugs and kisses. She blushed as she felt Brian’s rise down there but for some reason she did not pull away. Alex doubted the poor boy was even aware of what she was feeling.
It was midweek when Alex got ready to go back to school with her skirt project. She had agreed to walk with Brian who had to present himself wearing his home made pants. She was wearing a gray wool skirt modeled after the girl’s school uniform in the Harry Potter movies. To top it off her blouse was a white school girl style with a yellow tie set off with black stripes. Alex said, “I am from the Hufflepuff House.” Her father smiled while mother placed her hands against each cheek.
As she met Brian standing sheepishly wearing his blue suit style slacks she hugged him kissing his cheek. “Not exact but close to Hogwarts garb,” she comments to a smiling Brian as she spins around. The coat opened to reveal her swirling skirt. She was also wearing her gold chain Brian gave her. “I like your pants Brian who made them for you?” She pokes him teasingly.
Alex blinks as Brian suddenly turns wraps his arms around her. He kisses Alex deeply. “You scared me when they took you out on a stretcher I went crazy.” Alex takes his hand. “I’m ok Brian and thank you.”
The girls were merciless over Alex’s skirt teasing her with comments like “I can’t think of a single Hufflepuff girl. You should have tried harder to get into Gryffindor. Help me out here Reagan,” Kathy pleads.
Reagan the ever helpful best friend quips, “Uh Alex Potter? They, can‘t have two Potters in the same house.” They continued until the bell rang. “It is time to see the executioner, come on Bri.” Alex takes his hand.
Brian sheepishly whispers “I should have worn the skirt Alex. I do like your tie.”
Alex giggles. “It is not too late. Are you having second thoughts?”
Brian pulls her toward the girls room laughing. “Sorry but I have to chicken out. I can’t match those legs. Besides my new hunk image would be destroyed.” She mock pokes him as they enter skirt making 101.
Brian and Alex exit the class beaming at the result of the project grades as they both received an A. Though most of the kids did well and no one had created a disaster they were glad this struggle had ended and school was getting out for the Christmas break. They walked hand in hand down the hall lost in each other.
Brian turned to face Alex. He whispered “I love you.” Stunned, the girl squeezed his hand whispering the same to him. They promised for the next three weeks they would spend every moment they could together.
The four, Alex, Brian, Kathy and Reagan walked down Maple Street as usual each falling off as they approached their homes. There was a long kiss in front of Brian’s house before Alex had to run home. She no sooner reached her front door when Kathy called Alex‘s cell. “Are you up for shopping?”
Alex thought a moment. She had not yet caught the shopping gene but she answered in the positive. “Give me thirty to get ready and I will meet you at your place.”
“Mom can I use the car? Kathy and I need to do some serious shopping.”
Gladys laughed agreeing, “be home by six. Oh, your new drivers license arrived, it says girl.”
Alex greedily opened it marveling at her new photo and the female notation. She hugged her mother who told her the lawyer called. “Alex, he also said the other document changes came through with an approval. The new social security card is in the mail.”
Alex hugged her mother shaking all over. “That makes it complete because we got the birth certificate the other day.”
Gladys nods saying, “go, have fun but be home for dinner. Dad is still not used to having a daughter. Have you noticed how strange he has been acting?”
Alex laughs, “yes I hear he wanted Homeland Security to check out Brian.” Gladys regards her daughter with a long stare. “Get out of here he is not that bad.”
The trip to the mall was bountiful as the girls bought several Christmas presents but Alex could not find just the right present for Brian. She tried to get something special but came up empty. “Kathy, I, can’t think of a thing any ideas?”
Kathy giggles. “You could give him your virginity.” Alex pushes Kathy’s shoulder. “Not yet I am nowhere near ready and neither are you.”
Alex drops her jocularity as her tenor turns sober. “You do still have it don’t you?”
Kathy hugs her whispering, “so far but is that a good thing?”
Alex blinks, “yes and you know it. There are only three virgin girls left in that place.”
Kathy sighs. “Remind me again why Reagan and I promised you we would graduate virgins?”
Alex laughs when she sees Debby walking by. “Is that reason enough?” Kathy hugged Alex as they dragged their gatherings to the car.
Jami Winslow was driving east along the interstate toward the small town her parents have moved to. She thought, ‘Valley Heights, how quaint.’ She shrugged as she considered how much better it must be for Alex to have escaped the urban jungle and his tormenters. She recalled the hell she went through and how her complaints were answered by revolting comments. “We will pray together or her favorite, it’s the Lord’s will.” She wanted to scream at her father. “It is the Lord’s will every time a boy grabs the back of my head pushing my face into his nether region?” Jami steeled herself against the expected cold reception. Instead she focused upon seeing Alex. Her brother, the one she often pitied for being so weak. For being so defenseless against the bullies who used him for a battering ram. Then suddenly she laughed as picture of the girl Alex had become appeared. ’She is a babe and those bullies? It is good they moved to East Bumfuck.’
Alex was sitting on the front porch in spite of the cold. She was glad that her father had spent the money to close it in with cedar siding on three sides with a row of windows along the front. Protected from the biting cold outside she sat on the swinging bench wearing her Hogwarts school uniform. ’Jami will love this’ she thought. A horn blew and a compact car pulled into the driveway. Alex watched Jami exit carrying a load of bags juggling more than one on each hip. Alex bounded out rushing to help. The entire load almost ended up in the high snow banks aligning the drive.
“You made it!” Alex exclaims as the predictable hug ensued as Norman and Gladys rushed out the front door to join the reunion. Brian was viewing this happy Hallmark moment as he turned into the sidewalk leading to the front step. His eyes met a surprised Alex. She beamed a radiant smile but she heard Brian say as he turned to go. “You have company.”
He no sooner turned to leave managing but a step before a heavy thump is felt and he and Alex crash into the wall of snow. “No you don’t,” a giggling female voice is heard. Astonished, Jami gazes at her parents while pointing at the two rolling in the snow. “So that is love,” the new arrival says. She giggles then hugs mother before turning to her father. “You look well dad the slower life appears to be good for you.”
Norman smiles, “always quick with an observation Jami. Come here let your old father hug you.” Surprised, Jami stepped into a warm embrace. Gladys stands on the walk watching Alex and Brian wrestle. “Alex it is not lady like to wrestle in a snow bank while wearing a skirt.”
Brian had hit it off with Alex’s father which amazed everyone as Norman was not an accepting person. Gladys thought just perhaps this recent brush with death and the shocking change with their son knocked some sense into him. Whatever the reason she was enjoying a more mellow husband. Perhaps her life was beginning to improve. Now that her other daughter is home for a visit they can be a family again, even if the reunion last no longer than the Christmas holiday. Norman wrestled a promise from Brian to stop by on Christmas day as if the young man would stay away from Alex on a day like that.
On Christmas Eve mother, father, Jami and Alex sat around the tree opening presents. Alex holding a rather light box about ten inches square rattled it trying to determine what was in it. Jami laughing said, “Alex please open the present the card clearly says open on Christmas Eve.”
Alex smiles. “It is from Brian. I wanted to wait until he arrived tomorrow.” Jami holds up the card. “Read what it says. He does not want to be here when you open it. It must be embarrassing.”
Alex blushes, “I will open it in my room.” A chorus of voices in unison chime, “no you won’t! Open it here.” With great apprehension Alex nervously opens the package carefully preserving the paper and ribbon.
Mother watches with raised brows as the old Alex would have torn the package asunder. “You really are a girl.” Everyone laughs including Alex.
Alex stares into the box eyes ablaze with laughter. Her hand covers her mouth, “that devil!” The others watch as Alex removes a pair of blue slacks holding them up. No one gets it.
“Uh,” Jami begins, “what are we missing? It is a pair of slacks. The boyfriend has no idea and got them way too long for you.”
Alex is forced to tell the story of the pattern drawing in class. How the teacher forced Alex to trade her slacks pattern with Brian’s skirt. They all laughed. Then Gladys asked “is this the pair of slacks Brian made?”
Alex nodded slowly when suddenly Jami grabs Alex’s arm. “Girl march up those stairs and remove that skirt then throw it down to me.” Stunned Alex did so with her sister pushing her up the stairs.
A few moments later Jami puts on her coat, looks to her mother saying. “Brian lives two doors up the street. It is the house with yellow trim on the corner right?” Gladys nods as Jamie tucks a package neatly wrapped with the message, ‘To be opened on Christmas Eve.’
Norman’s laughter was rapid as he grabbed his sides. “That boy has no idea of how badly his joke backfired on him. One cannot argue who got the upper hand in this exchange.”
On Christmas day when Norman opened the door he saw Brian standing there. He invited the boy in saying “Alex is in the shower she will be down in a moment.” Norman looked at Brian with an odd gaze. The boy was standing in the door way wearing a mid calf wool coat and ball cap. What caught Norman’s attention was the boy’s legs were bare. ’Why is he wearing shorts in this cold weather?’ Norman thought.
When Brian took off his coat Norman‘s eyes sprung wide. He noticed the boy was not wearing shorts at all. Here stood the high school basketball star wearing the Hufflepuff outfit that Alex had made.
Norman’s laughter rose through the house and as the whole family entered the living room Norman was heard saying “you got guts boy.”
Brian shakes his head “We are missing the point of how tough these women are. They can wear skirts out on a day like this. Didn‘t Mel Gibson wear one in that movie about the Scot? So why can‘t I do it?” Brian spent the afternoon wearing Alex’s skirt. He was not about to back down especially as Alex wore those blue slacks. As Brian was getting ready to leave Gladys suggested “you kids should change.” Brian shook his head “my parents have not seen this and it was a gift. You can turn away a gift.” He hugged Alex leaving to go home. Stunned Alex watched him leave, “call me.” She said. Jamie looks at her mother. “Like I said love is nuts.”
Jami says her goodbyes to Alex sitting next to her sister on her bed. “Alex you are a very pretty girl, please be careful. That guy you have is a keeper. The way he showed up in your skirt demonstrated he has balls. Most guys would have pitched a fit.” She giggles squeezing Alex’s hand, “but you know he has balls.”
Alex not certain how to take Jami‘s teasing, answers quickly, “I know no such thing.” She pauses adding, “well I know what he has but I’ve never seen them.”
Jami smiles, “he, hasn’t pressured you? Really, no hints no suggestion?”
Alex shakes her head. “We talked about it and he told me he loved me and was willing to wait.” Alex giggles. “He told me he was rather afraid of rushing into sex. He wanted to be sure first.”
Jami widens her eyes as she stands then hugs her sister. “Alex, keep him you don’t have any idea of the gem you have.” Alex hugs back whispering, “yes I do.”
Before Jami left, Alex explained the conversation she had with father after the operation. Jami was stunned and she told Alex, “I am glad he has finally come to reason. Perhaps he and I can mend a few fences.”
As Jami pulled out of the driveway Alex’s cell rang it was Brian. “Are you still wearing those slacks?” Alex said she was and Brian told her, “get over here dad wants to see if they look better on you.”
Sometime in the late spring Alex thought about her loss of her old self and the gains she made. After another hour long conversation via cell phone with Jami, she considers how her life changed. Jami and Alex were never close when she lived at home. To be truthful Alex rejoiced when Jami moved to college. The girl marveled at the changes this last year brought. The changes suddenly struck as her hand accidentally regarded her bare knee. She blushed as her gaze into the mirror revealed a girl sitting wearing a gray mini skirt with a cream colored camisole top. Her thoughts turned inward with a clarity she had not considered before. No longer was she the wimpy little brother that popular big sisters disdained. Alex considered this an improvement.
Alex, more conflicted considers new problems these changes caused. She never wanted to be a girl. As a boy he liked girls. The last thing he wanted to do was wear skirts. He only wanted the torment to end. Alex glances into the mirror again and she smiled. ‘The torment certainly ended.’ Now Alex has a new torment several of them to be sure. When he began to grow those breasts he researched the internet to find possible causes. None of the likely answers were comforting. In his research he discovered those internet story sites. The poor kid had no idea so many guys wanted to be girls. To him wearing his sister’s clothes was disgusting. To stroke another boy’s thing was beyond gross. The one thing he could agree on was guys were jerks.
His biggest fear was his tormentors would discover his developing breast. The advent of that had been the cause of many anxious nights. So moving out of that hell hole was a blessing. To top it off the people in this town mistook the doctor’s report and with his appearance they assumed he was female. Alex was disgusted with himself for taking the easy way out. Alex knew as things worked out he got lucky. That does not change his inner conflict.
As Alex’s relationship grew with Brian the conflict also grew. Alex wanted nothing more than to kiss Brian, to hold him, to love him. What kind of thoughts are those to be having about a boy? There was Kathy and Reagan two beautiful girls any guy would love to hold, to kiss, to belong to. So why was Alex content to hang out with them every day discussing makeup, clothes and sexy guy’s asses? Why is it ok to have two best girlfriends forever? Alex loved Kathy and Reagan as sisters and Brian, oh how Alex wanted him in a biblical way. Alex knew for sure this was a path straight to hell.
Alex also knew that before this change sex would be fun. To bed multiple girls would be a challenge and a source for bragging rights. He did not know that because he never experienced it. He also knew that was not in his nature. Now Alex had to worry about these things because she would have to suffer the consequences of being intimate. Alex did not look forward to the responsibility of precautions a girl was forced to consider. She smiled at her next thought. ’With Brian, I could accept motherhood.’
After her operation, the horror of her situation struck with big time confusion. They provided her with no easing into his now her circumstance. Alex was struck at once with the mess there was no warning or waiting period it just struck. The curse or monthly visitor as it is known struck him with all its fury. Alex could not stand the smell and he hated those bulky pads. Alex refused to use one of those silly looking tubes. He figured as a virgin it would break his hymen. How was Alex supposed to know if that were true or not? Just who would he ask that stupid question? Alex figured busting that was to be saved for his husband. ’His husband’ that thought brought another cringe. The idea of some guy sticking that big ugly sweaty thing in there was gross. Alex wondered if those guys who are girl wanna bees have any idea of what their wish brings.
Then there was the whole hygiene issue and special attention to detail. He swore if he missed the slightest particle her new body smelled like tuna fish. The hair required an extra hour every morning to get it just so. Alex wondered why did she insist on growing it out. She knew, of course she knew. It was because of Kathy Reagan and Brian. Their special bonds their love of each other and the trust. ‘Being a girl was a pain in the ass but I love it,’ Alex thought. Most importantly perhaps even more than her relationship with Brian, Reagan and Kathy had given her something she had never known, true loving friendship. She understood that the simple slang expression BFF meant something.
Alex was sparred the conflict suffered by people he read about in those stories. He did not have to ‘come out’ His parents did not have to fight with school boards for transition rights. Alex did not have to run a gauntlet of boy in a skirt torment. His conflict was far different. Publicly it was friction free but privately it was fraught with fear, doubt and resentment. “I don’t want to be a girl” Alex said aloud as he stood before the mirror. Then she thought about Brian and her resistance dissolved.
As Alex got ready for the awards banquet presented by the church to student achievers the excitement grew. She knew Brian would be getting an award for leading their tiny school’s basketball team to the state championship. It was the only championship of any kind that Valley High ever won. Brian has been offered scholarships by several major college powerhouses. He maintained he will accept the school that offers one to Alex as well.
Alex’s conflict with being a girl extended to her refusal to wear skirts to school. Other than the time she wore her project her attire was an assortment of jeans and tee shirts. The problem was the girl loved skirts. She adored the look and the feel and freedom while hating the vulnerability that came with it. She felt guilty being a beautiful girl and the object of those constant stares. She could accept stares when they came from Brian. His stares, his touch and his presence were what she craved.
It was the thought of his gaze and his touch on this late spring evening she found herself rolling a pair of sheer black panty hose up her long feminine curved legs. Her white blouse with its top two buttons opened partially hidden by a pale blue jacket that rested just below the waist of her matching mid thigh skirt. She slipped on her black one inch heels then stood at the mirror. “God, I love being a girl!” She gasped at that outburst adding with a wry smile, “it is the Lord’s will.”
Alex stepped into the auditorium arm in arm with Brian. Brian turned heads with his handsome stature in his well tailored dark blue suit. The adoring gazes from a multitude of female students created a buzz. He was never considered the school hunk that title belonged to Jake. It was Jake the girls wet themselves over. Jen turned to her acolytes in a teasing voice. “How did I ever let that hunk slip out of my clutches?” She giggled. “I never had a chance Alex grabbed him from under my nose.” The other girls smiled while Jen added; “At least Alex is a cool chick.”
Reverend Morgenstern was talking to Norman and Gladys about church issues when he saw Brian and Alex enter. He says to Alex’s parents. “So that, is the school basketball star, Brian Patten. Who is that stunning beauty with him?”
Norman surprised, widens his eyes, “Reverend that is our daughter Alex. Thank you, she is stunning. As her father, I believe that.”
Morgenstern blinks, “I thought Alex was a boy.”
Mrs. Morgenstern turns her head toward her husband, “Clyde that cinches it I am making an appointment with the eye doctor. How could you ever mistake that lovely girl for a boy? Have you not noticed the red headed boy Sean drooling over her week after week?”
The Reverend quips, “that poor Sean never stood a chance.
Brian never one for speaking in public as reserved as he is barely engaged in long conversations surprised everybody when he accepted the church’s top scholarship. “I really don’t deserve this. I was a marginal student headed for trouble until I met Alex. She is the one who earned this award by forcing me to make by best efforts. Thank you Alex.” The crowd cheered as Alex blushed under the gaze of all.
Alex, Kathy and Reagan also won awards. Jen garnered a cheerleading award and several minor scholarships were given to others. Norman stood, whispered something in Alex’s ear then went to the stage.
It was at that moment when Trish nudged Jen’s shoulder pointing out Debbie and Sandy sitting in the back. Another girl giggled, “it looks like the trailer park is closed for the evening.” Another sniped at the girl’s Wal-Mart clothing.
Norman stood at the podium calling for Debbie Nelson and Sandy Rice. Both girls stunned looked at each other as Norman waved them forward. Awkwardly, they reached the stage. Norman smiled when he made his announcement. “The church has determined we will offer these two young ladies full tuition payment and a generous book allowance for their first year at Valley Community College. If they maintain a B average, the church will provide the same for the second year. With this they can achieve their Associates degrees.” The girls were stunned. Sandy blurted how do we deserve this?”
Norman shook their hands answering their question. “You achieved high school graduation against great odds. You did not quit in spite of hardships placed in your way.” He paused long enough to look at Jen and her entourage.
Gladys leans to a tearful Alex as she whispered. “What did father say to you?”
Alex beaming whispers back. “I heard you when you reminded me it is the Lord’s will. We should not judge and provide a helping hand. Mother, I am so proud of him.” Gladys also wept.
Alex, Kathy and Reagan sat in Kathy’s bedroom hanging out as they were prone to do. “So we made it” Reagan said.
“Made what?” A curious Alex asked. Kathy smiled “virgin graduation dummy.”
Alex blinks, “the prom night still waits and that is the most dangerous night of the year.”
Reagan agrees. “You got that right the guys expect something. It is a rite you know.”
Kathy, nods, “we gotta set some rules.”
“Like?” asks Alex.
Reagan emit’s a dramatic sigh before suggesting “hand jobs should be allowed.”
Kathy nods, “should we include giving head?” Her question was followed by a series of, “gross.”
Alex stated quite firmly “no way will the snake slip past my lips.” “So what are the rules?” Kathy asks with a bit of impatience.
“Hand jobs are ok,” begins Reagan “and if you must drop to your knees we will allow it but you can’t give a detail that falls into slut territory.”
Alex smiles, “they can go down on us though.” The girls giggled.
The day of the prom the girls sat at their table grumbling. “What did you expect?” said Brian. Alex echoes his sentiment, “like anyone but the dynamic duo was going to win. Jen, the Queen and Jake the King were the winners as expected.”
“The way those two hate each other it’s like Karma,” Brian offers.
Kathy speaks next. “Look Patten I hate to admit this but since my bff here,” she points to Alex. “ The girl is absolutely gaga over you I think you should have won.”
Brian emit’s a small blush. “She is head over heels isn’t she.”
Alex pokes him. “Just like me you came in second.”
Reagan objects, “I came in second.”
Kathy no no’s, “wrong I was second.”
Brian blows the whistle, “Ladies it was a three way tie. Therefore in alphabetical order it is Alex 2nd Kathy 3rd and Reagan 4th.”
The girls boo while throwing their straws at him. “So Alex is first because you got the hots for her? You know her last name starts with a W.” The other two girls said in unison.
“Actually, it’s her hair offered Brian. Have you guys noticed how great it looks” Brian adds “I love it Alex.”
She blushes, “hey it is nothing I thought something new was in order.” As always the group walked home after school with Brian kissing Alex saying “I can’t wait to dance with the prettiest girl at the prom.”
As Alex readied for the big night she fretted over every detail as she relived the horror and excitement of selecting just the right dress. Talking with her mother as the woman fretted over every detail Alex noted a hint of concern. “Mother what is wrong?”
Gladys looked at her daughter, “honey in my wildest dreams I never thought I would be talking like this to my Alex. I never dreamed I’d see you in a prom dress looking radiant. I never dreamed I’d caution you or have to worry some boy would talk you into something you would regret.”
Alex shushed her mother, “mom don’t worry Brian and I have not been to bed together.”
Gladys interrupts with a shocked expression, “I never suggested you had.”
Alex nods, “I know but you need to hear it anyway. We won’t tonight I know many girls say the same thing. Brian is the most loving honest man I’ve ever met. Mother you know as well as I do I love him.”
Gladys smiles “I know and if you did do something like that I would not disown you. Brian is exactly the kind of man I’d pick for you. Come along daughter he is about to arrive.”
Alex thought about the hours on end that Kathy and Reagan agonized over their gowns. The trial and errors the changing of their minds seemed to be an endless series of events. They each had examined and approved the other’s selections. There would be no surprises when they see each other tonight. The door bell rang she heard Brian being greeted by her father and mother. She took a moment. ‘They say make him wait.’ She laughed as that thought passed through her mind. Alex took another look into the mirror as she did the first time she saw those budding breast. On that day with firm resolution she said. “I am not a girl.” She smiles, “how wrong I was.”
As she walked down the stairs seeing Brian standing there awkwardly holding the corsage she gazed into his eyes. Brian pinned it to her bosom as she whispered into his ear. “I am glad I’m a girl.” Upon hearing this Brian thought, ‘is this like that phone call that time’ He shrugged, ‘girls’, before he whispered back, “so am I.”
Kathy, Reagan, Brian and Alex all went to the State College. Everyone was shocked when Brian rejected all of those major school’s scholarships. He did receive a scholarship from Iowa State and played well. He had no intention of a professional basketball career. He wanted to be an engineer and now he is. He also wanted to marry the girl he loved and so he did. Brian was not let down by the surprises he had grown to expect from Alex. She had two maids of honor as Alex could not possibly choose between Kathy and Reagan. Before the ceremony, the three ladies stood in the back of the church. They whispered while waiting to walk down the aisle.
Kathy demonstrated that devilish grin she was famous for. “Ok guys it is time to fess up.” The girls presented an odd expression, “what!” “Do you remember prom night? The sworn pact we made?” Kathy challenged. The other two giggled. Kathy draws a breath, “so spill.”
Reagan widens her eyes, “now?” The other two nod. Reagan shrugs saying, “hand job he exploded all over the place. I told Ben that’s all you will get.” The girls laugh as Reagan and Kathy say slowly, “Alex.”
Alex blushes, “Brian resisted he said it would not be right. My fingers,” she pauses, “those little devils could not be resisted. Geeze I never felt anything so big.” Alex’s maids of honor break out laughing as Alex turns on Kathy, “spill.”
Kathy beams, “I guess spill is a good word he came between my breasts.” The two whisper one in each of Kathy’s ears as they walk down the aisle, “slut.”
It may have been the first time in this small church that the bride and her maids were laughing as they approached the altar. However, the Reverend never missed a beat. He had known these girls for a long time and he loved them too.
As Brian entered Alex for the first time she moaned with a release of pleasure. She looked up to her husband happy she was who she was. With a deep breath after being sated she thought, “it was the Lord’s plan.