Caution food

Images 63

*Before…

Ingrid actually comes down too during it all and she takes over just doing the cash for me actually doing a good job and knowing how to use the debit machine and all that stuff and I smile at her.
“You okay to do this?” I ask.
“Yeah, I need to do something to get off my ass instead of just feel sick and being stoned to get by.”
“That’s helping you though.”
“I want to try okay, I don’t want to be a freeloader and I’m lonely.”
Taylor says. “Good, welcome, you have customers!”
She and I laugh and we keep going.
We have to get her a stool after a bit but she’s good after that and Giselle ends up sticking close to both of us and out of the way. She looks at me and at her mom like she’s trying to get what changed, what got better or how.
I know Iggy sees it, feels it too and I can see her trying.

Trying’s all I can ask for.

It’s a start.

*And Now…

Evergreens

Alana Porter left home far before she had taken her first steps at becoming Alana Porter. Years later after a few no so great returns she makes her way finally home thanks to a chance find online and discovers a chance of a different sort all together in the woods of home.

Bridges 45

*Before…

We’re pulling down our road and I can see the ranch. “Well it’s not burned down so I guess we’re having pasta tonight.”

He smiles and he pulls up my lane and into my yard. “I told you so.”

I look at him and then at his place and my place and just sort of everything. “I love you y’know right?”

He just smiles as he reaches over and pulls me in and gives me this really tender kiss on the forehead. “Yeah, I know.”

*And Now…

Needs and Surprises

It’s a need not a want.

Built in, born in and yeah the jury’s still out with the hows and the whys of being this way but I’ll never see things that way, the way that some see it as a choice, like this was something that we decide to do.

You don’t choose.

Not one person that I know in life or online chooses to be trans or gay or lesbian or bisexual or anything else other that the “Normal.”

Sigh…

Sorry but these were the thoughts of a newly released woman living in an empty house.

Masks Chapter 39

Masks Chapter 39

Chapter 39

*Before…
Lucy asks… “Uhm…what’s going on what’s with the…uhm… this?”
Mary Jane looks at me with this sort of sad for me and I love you smile all rolled into one which just pushes me towards tears really easily and it’s like super hard to keep them back. She side eyes towards Lucy and I nod and she slips her arm around Lucy’s shoulders and leads her to the girl’s bathroom.
“Let me tell you about my best friend.”
I’m just sort of there clenching and unclenching my hands and biting my lower lip…I’m really emotional and really nervous right now because they’re all going to be talking about me…
The day’s half done…the day’s half done.

*And Now…

Quietly yet Completely

Quietly yet Completely.

Trans women.

They say you can spot the differences when you know what to look for. I heard Bess say that all the time with her friends when we were dating.

Jeeze…the shit she used to go on about.

Okay, I’m a lesbian and yeah I’ll be right there so much of the time agreeing that guys can suck, that social gender roles suck.

But a political lesbian… no way. I don’t think you “Need” to be a lesbian to be a feminist. I don’t think the PIV is rape. If you’re straight or whatever and enjoy sex then power to you. And despite my sexual preferences I don’t think all men are scum.

Sorry I just don’t.

And my not being able to castigate people because of “Class analysis.”

Masks Chapter 30

Masks Chapter 30

*Before…

I take out the box and…Oh em gee.

They’re Riedell’s…They’re Riedell’s Red ribbon ladies figure skates. I open them and they’re new and their white except for the sole/bottom of them which is red leather and red enameled bracing for the blades and they are so pretty.

I start tearing up and then Mom and Aunt Els and Mary Jane and Jen all hold up their skates and stuff and I can’t help it but bounce up and down. “Really!?, really!?”

Mom nods and has the biggest smile and she gestures upstairs. “Go get changed Steph we do have to keep or ice time y’know.”

I Squee! And hug her and grab M.J. and head upstairs at a run. “C’mon I need help!”

*And Now…

Images 53

Images 53

Chapter 53

*Before…

(Sniffle.) “But you didn’t choose me…I just showed up.”

“Can I choose you now?”

They’re staring at each other and she goes from crying to shaking and crying and nodding and then…. “Y..yes…” and she buries her face into daddy’s chest and starts to sob.

I’m crying too…everything he said is the stuff I’ve been talking about and I’m hugging myself until I feel Taylor come up behind me and he wraps me up in his arms and squeezes me tight and I lean back into it with a happy sigh.

“Thanks honey.”

Masks Chapters 24 and 25 the Finale.

Masks Chapters 24 and 25 the Finale.

*Before…

But….Then there’s Randy Sweet, the captain of my hockey team and he stands and he beckons me over where the other guys are at.

Where all the team is at for a change.

Gulp.

I head over and look at them and Nick asks.

“It true?”

“Is what true?”

“Are you gay?”

I look at them and I really don’t know what I can say, there’s some pretty fixed faces there.

*And now…

Jem...Chapter 47

Jem…Chapter 47

Chapter 47

I get things ready and I open about four cans of the chic-peas and Rayne’s looking in them as I wash them off in a strainer. It’s kind of cute really she looks so dubious of the whole thing. I grab a big soup pot and the food processor and in the pot I first add some chopped onion and oil and garlic and get that going. I chop some celery and carrots next and they go in and they need some time to cook down so I peel a couple of potatoes and dice them up and the chop up some bacon. Once the celery and carrots are mostly cooked the potatoes go in and I microwave the bacon on a plate in the microwave. I add the bacon fat to the pot seeing as there’s not that much of it from five slices and I reserve the crispy bacon…

Sigh…Rayne’s already into the bacon.

I swear I can hear my Mom’s voice in my head talking about Dad.

~If you need one pound of bacon for something you really, really should cook two. ~

Jem...Chapter 37

Jem…Chapter 37

Chapter 37

It’s pretty cool having the extra help with taking down the gear and I go over the tips in the tip box we’re doing pretty good. I call the girls over and the tree servers over and the barista guy. I count out the tips evenly. It’s a good haul and the barista guy looks at me.

“Wow um, thanks Jem. But why are you tipping us?”

“Because you’re all part of the whole show and the experience here and you work your asses off and it’s not fair if we just come in and get a lot of tips for the half shift we’re here.”

“Cool I mean we all can use the money.”

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