Autobiographical

My Earliest TG Fantasies

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So why am I so into transgender literature? Why does it fascinate me? I remember the exact day that it started. It was 1988. I was a thirteen-year-old eighth grader. Those were rough times. I was not an athlete, not strong, not cool, and desperate to fit in. In the eighties, bullying was kind of a joke, a punch line. Boys were expected to not only enjoy sports, but to excel at them. We were expected to be tough and be cool. We were expected to fight.

4-20...

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4-20

Twilight... The last glimpses of the Sun's glow, the stars begin to shine, and what there is of the Moon, twinkles into being. A cool breeze toys with the few remaining leaves that survived the Winter's cold, drifting in swirling eddies of the gentle breeze. In the stillness of this moment, a few brave crickets chirruped, adding their claim to existence....

Fearfully and wonderfully made chapter 6 - "The Bellion rebellion"

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Fearfully and Wonderfully Made Chapter 6: The Bellion rebellion

From the outside, grade 11 would have looked like a good year for me. I had become part of several clubs, I had participated in a couple of musicals, and I attended church on a regular basis.

But I was no closer to a solution to my gender problems, and it was wearing on me greatly.

Myself

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I wrote this poem in the winter 1991 - 1992. I had recently moved out on my wife, at the time, and in with my first Tgal lover. I'd started HRT in June '91 and had my GRS with Dr. Stanley Biber in Trinidad, Colorado scheduled for June '92.

I had met my first M2F TS in January 1990 and realized I was TS later that year. In 2 1/2 years, I was going from being in denial about my true self and seeming like a "normal guy" to most people, to being post-op. Sometimes things seemed to be going so fast that I felt like I was on a rocket sled. I wanted to transition so much and I felt that I had wasted so much time; there was nothing to do but go as fast as possible, but still my head was spinning from all the changes.

Phobia

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Phobia

Ever been scared of something?

Not just a little scared, but turn-white-and-faint, heart-caught-in-your-chest and soil-your-pants scared?

I had something I was that scared of as a kid. Something that made The Monster In The Closet or The Thing Under The Bed minor inconveniences in comparison.

It was a girl.

It was THE GIRL.

Not that SHE looked scary, or creepy, but just the fact SHE existed at all.

Because SHE was inside my head, always after me to let HER out.

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