Gwen Brown

Dangerous Discussion

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As you are all aware I have been snotty and snippy about discussing transgender issues in public, feeling that it is private full stop.

It feels like that in recent weeks I have been dragged kicking and screaming into very reluctant activism that feels frightening to me. Some of you will remember my recent blog on two Bible scriptures, and now somehow that is now plastered all over Facebook and elsewhere. I have opened my Facebook up to the public, and how long that will last is debateable. You are welcome to contribute.

This is Big for TG Folk

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OH My Gosh! Look what I just found? Look at Matt 19:12. Then look at Issiah 56:4-5. I am sure that you have heard of secret names. How about everlasting names? No matter what happens now, I can die knowing that Heavenly Father loves me, has a place in Heaven for me and has given me my everlasting name.

Even if you are not religious, this is a great deal of validation for those of us who are.

Gwen

Terminated

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Yesterday I terminated my relationship with my VA Counselor of 10 years. It's time I put my big girl panties on and run my own life. I am greatly reducing my relationship with Muslims and the Mormon church.

It seemed possible that there would be a relationship with"Transactive" here in Portland, but because I will not spout the PC agenda it seems like that is off. I was surprised. I will tell anyone that asks more but in a private setting.

Tg Aspergers

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So, in exploring the implications of the recent Transgender Activism here in Portland, Oregon, I met some very nice people. Somewhere I heard something about the high incidence of Transgender among Aspergers folk and I am trying to explore whether that assertion has any veracity at all.

One of the things I do to make up for a relatively low IQ is that I read and research intensely, thus giving the illusion of intelligence, or as my shrink said, "It's how you use what you have".

Fighting the enemy

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There is a significant on air Transgender battle happening in Portland, Oregon. The stations airing Anti Trans crap. The Stations are: KPTV, and KATU. The other stations are KGW and KGW.

If others could comment on the stories or paste them to facebook, perhaps we can be heard. I am commenting and pasting it to facebook or just commenting just to pester them.

I could use some help here.

Gwen

Comments

I've watched this site almost from its beginning, and later joined at the encouragement of Sephrina. In those early days, I think there might have been less than 100 members here.

There was a warm camaraderie then and most stories, no matter how amateurish got at least a few votes and comments. The authors seemed to care about each other. New, unpolished authors got encouragement and help to improve, and I am grateful for the help that I got despite my limited talent.

Being a spy

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Those in Salt Lake City are under a lot of heat right now.

Someone from "Mormon Newsroom" openly admitted that the church has not treated trans and intersex folk well, and I intend to keep the heat on. I'm not vitally interested in how they handle gays and lesbians because they threw us under the bus a few years ago.

In another decade there will be a changing of the guard, and I see T and I folk getting full rights. There are just lots of parents and partners keeping their heads down but in private they are dissatisfied.

OUTED !!!

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This is for those who can appreciate my devious nature.

So for a long time I have been juggling two theological balls and none of you have realized what my intentions were. I practice as a Muslim and a Mormon and am fairly sincere in my beliefs in both faiths. If you don't understand this, don't worry about it.

Anyone who has changed back?

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Someone told me that 80% of us who transition regret it, and many return to their old gender. I think this is a lie and am only asking this because of their professed religiosity. I am actually quite happy living as me, the only issue being that I do not look as much of a babe as I would like. And, of course, as usual, the family are consummate asses, but they can bugger off.

I have never seen or spoken to anyone who has done this, though I have read about a couple and their suicide rate was very high.

My story "Moonlight".

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I've been talking with my Military Shrink about MPD, and realized that perhaps allowing the killer out to play would be healthy.

I'm editing this to make the TG element stronger, and intend to add an indeterminate number of chapters following. My muse has directed that this story will take an astonishing change in direction.

Look for additional chapters of "Moonlight".

Khadijah Gwen

Trazodone and Dementia

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I've heard some rumbling about the use of the drug Trazodone causing Dementia or even Alzheimer's disease and am exploring that issue now. I've tried to get off the drug and have only managed a reduced dosage. I do not wish to spend my last days in a stupor. So, if you take that sleep aid, perhaps you'd wish to speak to your GP?

Someone mentioned to me that I used to write prolifically. I've not written large stories since around 2011 and despite starting several, have not managed to finish any, except for short stories that were written in a day or two.

Transgender in Nature

Like many of us, I knew I was different from a very early age, and years later would find out that I was different. In this Youtube Video, pay close attention to the habits of the Flatworm, and the Clown Fish. Both spontaneously change gender. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWlLPtaw2hw , 10 Bizarre Animal Mating Rituals.

I do hope that you can see the video without difficulty.

Has anyone stopped Estrogen?

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I've been on Estrogen for 12 years now. I might stop taking it for personal reasons. I know that Osteoporosis is one of the risks, but are there others? After this long, I will not lose my breasts. I doubt that my disposition will change much, though I plan to continue living as a woman.

Gwen

Transgender stigma.

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I was sitting in a writer's group a couple weeks ago talking about writing TG content out of stories I plan to publish. Surprisingly, it was the consensus of the group is that TG stigma is all but gone. And, it seems that the general public wants to know more about being TG and Intersex. I do not know how Amazon is doing it, and what choices there are but most of the group felt that publishing these stories in General Public is acceptable.

Unpublishing

So, over a long period of time a few authors have unpublished their stories, and I always wondered why. Yesterday's blog about that has me examining my own stories and considering what to do. None of my own stories have over 50 Kudos and in the climate of the BCTS world that is humiliating.

Stocking Store.com

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Years ago, I wore Suntan Garter style stockings and then they became unavailable. Recently I bought 6 pair from Stocking Store.com and wore the first set today, with my blue suit and 3" heels.

I don't like pantihose because the hips and waist are too tight and they are so hot that I get claustrophobic. Self stay ups, either don't stay up or make painful welts on my thighs.

Evil thongery

So, I was only just reading a story in which one of the protagonists was wearing a thong, which called to mind my own experience with said garment, if it could be called that.

Mein Gott ! After a while it felt like butt floss, like I was being sawn into from my lower utmost to my cranial vacancy. Later after I finished with this instrument of torture, it went straight in the garbage chute.

I enjoy stockings with a hold up belt but never more a thong! Never more !

Gwen

Movie Experts

We used to have an author around here that was heavily involved with Movies, and I just can't think of his/her name. I'll work on it.

Anyhow, I have been following the reviews for "50 Shades of Grey", and I think it is doing pretty good in the box office. I think a lot of the screaming about it being lewd was just media hype. I've done all most as much as our protagonists, except I don't have a helicopter or Audi r8, damn.

One off short stories

Somehow I am not getting some elements of posting stories here. That should be of no surprise to those who know me because at times I can be the consummate ditz. :) Both of my two previous stories were intended to be one off short stories, but somehow I missed the place to make that selection.

Will someone please explain this to me?

Thanks

Gwen

Xq-28 It has begun

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I am not going to give you too much information on this. You need to Google "Xq-28". There are enough articles out there to give a range of opinion. It appears that the "Gay" genes are being isolated and that as this occurs, transgender genes are sure to follow.

AND, I have often thought that perhaps I was simply Gay?

It's going to happen for us, I just know it.

Gwen

I hurt someone here?

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I got a lengthy message from someone on Facebook, and since I have not friended them, the message went to "other" and I do not often check that slot. She was quite upset at me.

This is going to bump my other thread off of BCTS but that is OK.

It's like this. I don't intentionally hurt people. And I caution people that "friend" me on Facebook that I do not talk much, if at all, about GBLT stuff. I just don't. And if someone I have "friended" does it, I drop them like a hot potato. It is my right to live in stealth, and no you do not have the right to out me.

TOO loud sound

I thought I would ask questions here before I go haring off in the dark.

When I am not using headphones, I play my sound quite low as I live in an apartment house. It is frustrating that when an advertisement comes on, the sound generally surges to very loud and this is a problem when I am listening at midnight.

Printing your own book

I was just in Powell's Books to purchase a TOEFL exam book to help with my teaching English to ESL students. It's become quite enjoyable and usually wear a scarf to head off questions, letting them either think I am Muslim, a Nun or an old Eastern European Grandmother. :)

Gym's Transgender Policy

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I tried to cut and paste the link to the story here but it did not work. The title goes something like "Gym's transgender policy stirs debate".

This is going to make some of you mad as hell, but this needs to be said. If you are going to start dressing as a woman in public then you need to make some effort. Find the article and listen to it. You can do that much.

Getting "read" ...

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I've not experienced being "read" more than a half dozen times in 10 years, but Sunday really burst that bubble.

Being a stubborn drama queen, this was bound to happen. I went to a Baptist church were my daughter attends to see if they would help me reconnect with her. In retrospect, it was an unrealistic Adjustment Disorder that drove this.

Answer to Dorthycolleen, fragile.

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Answers to life?

People seem to either love or hate 50 Shades. It has been difficult for me to read it and see the movie, but I am drawn to it like a “moth to the flame”. The Churchy folk are universal in their condemnation of it, but I simply won’t talk to them about it.

The actual sex part is relatively tame in comparison to some of the things my X and I did. I think on top of a running clothes dryer was close to the best!  We never tied each other up or used cuffs though, I wanted to. Don't know who would have worn them.

50 Shades of Grey

For those of you who read the books. It looks like this first movie follows book one faithfully. I see all sorts of snotty reviews but the movie is good, I think it appeals to me because of my own very twisted nature. I would want to be Anastasia and would be happy about some limited spanking, though going overboard not so much.

Welcome to my world.

I am not putting this on my FB.

Gwen

Hiding our healing

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I've had a belated realization regarding healing and now feel somewhat foolish for not realizing it before.

I have a very close friend who has gone on a self righteous rant about "50 Shades of Grey". I doubt that she has read the books or intends to see the movie. I have read the books and plan to see the movie but do not intend to tell her that.

Computer wiz

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Computer development is going so fast that it is like totally gee wiz to me. And playing with them is like a total rush, though I did not usually give a ...
I'm not talking cost effectiveness here, just talking about what a novice can do, and it is like totally fun. So, I know some of you will think what I am saying is stupid, but please don't treat me like your irritating little sister.

You've done a disservice to a good talent !!!

When I first began to read "Whisper", I thought it was well written, and had some uniqueness to it. The language in the story sounded like a teen age kid, not some English professor.

Some where along the line I lost track of the story, perhaps when she went to Whateley. I respect the author that originally came up with the 'verse but since then so many have just dumped their protagonists there and gave up on the story. Now when it is mentioned I usually just stop reading it because I do not want to think of Whateley to be a place where good characters disappear.

Strange conversation with Urologist

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So, I have been having a lot of pain in my lower abdomen and went to a VA Urologist to see how to access Medicare to access a surgical solution to my incomplete SRS surgery. Well, the meeting was waaaayyy different than I thought it would be.

She said I have classic Pelvic Floor Dysfunction, which manifests by pain in the hip, general pelvis area, and anterior abdominal area, often feeling like pain in the ovaries. (I have no ovaries) She believes that the "Ovary" pain is either from scar tissue from their removal at birth, or from simple muscle tension.

Unseen spirits

I suppose it depends if someone is one of those "Nothing but the Facts" folk, or if you are one of those who has their head in the clouds. I think many of us see or feel something going on in our own heads or in the world at large that you won't hear about on the evening news.

We have a number of different ways of explaining it to ourselves, or maybe we don't. Maybe we just try to ignore it? Perhaps we have learned not to speak of it?

Why do I try?

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Perhaps it is time to clear the air?

Often I write about other cultures, and to be authentic in those stories there is often some element of religion to keep it all in context. There are many places in the world where even though one might be an atheist, they must either pray in the streets or hide until everyone is done. I don't actually care what your beliefs are and if you confront me about them, it will be a waste of time. That element was only in the story to depict realistic situations.

Coverage of Transgender folk.

The fate of Leelah seems to have struck a cord in some segments of America. This morning, right on the front page of CNN, there is a rather detailed story about her and other transgender children and it is quite sensitive and supportive.

On my Facebook page I call it murder.

Leekah's story has moved me, striking chords in me that were not expected. Can it be that Trans folk are coming out of the dark ages? I'm going to phase over to Fox News now to see if the impossible has happened.

Posting a whole book at a time.

So, I am feeling a bit of frustration because several of the author's whose stories I really like post so infrequently between chapters that I've forgotten everything by the time they do. And I have been guilty of the same offense myself.

So, I am wondering about posting an entire story of say 12 chapters, as an example, at once as 12 different files? I've had poor performance at writing new chapters of a multi chapter story and getting them posted in a timely manner. For example, my 4 chapter "Katia" story took about 14 months.

The long finger myth

Just thought that I would pass this bit along as a comfort to my Sisters here.

I was once told by someone who was quite sure of themselves that if the second finger was longer than the third, you were a boy. Well, in the last years, I have met women, some with as many as 5 children who have that anatomical feature. So, you can relax.

The long finger only shows that there was an elevated level of testosterone in the womb in the first trimester.

Merry Christmas

Gwne

Final Discharge ?

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December 23. It has been 10 years since the family got on my computer assumed I was gay, and threw me out. At first it was touch and go as to whether I would make it or blow my brains out. This was one of the happiest Christmases I have had until my son sent me an email saying he was coming for a visit. He'll likely see his Mum and sisters, and I suppose if I am fortunate if he will not come to see me.

Girl to boy, Yikes !

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On Facebook I have encountered a young Mormon woman who feels she is male. Sigh !!! And looking at her facial features, it seems likely that she has some sort of intersex issue. She is one of those women who can look female with long hair, and with short hair and perhaps a bit of Testosterone look male perhaps. As you probably already can suss out, Dad is not speaking to her and Mom is in tears. This to me is the pain road ...

A real Dom

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OK, i have switched to my subbie persona for the purpose of this blog.

i used to think that i was a bonafide subbie, and then today i listened to someone say that they always thought that they were an abused subbie, but as it turned out as she got well, she found out that she was actually an abuser, and not even a subbie or a Dom. Hmmmm. She also said that she had learned how to not manipulate people in a negative way.

Banned in porn in the UK

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I see tonight that the UK has banned 10 acts from its porn? I don't even look at it any more having enough of that running around in my own head, not that I needs much.

One matter of distress to me is that they banned "Spanking". You mean that if I came to the UK, I could no longer get a few taps on me bottom ? I never felt that what I experienced as a child was even vaugely related to any sort of affection, so what I seek now and have been completely unable to find is that gentle rat tat tat. :)

What is the world coming to?

Khadijah

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