Camp Kumoni By Anistasia Allread Edited by Nick B “Alright Columbine, off to the showers, quickly. Let me talk with Erika.” Phoenix ordered, dismissing them. “Go on.” Eric slumped and sat down hard on Samantha’s bed as the others grabbed their things and headed off to the showers.

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Camp Kumoni 56

The alarm went off, startling many of the girls. Erika just burrowed deeper into her pillow. She was only half aware of the activity going on around her as she dozed in and out of consciousness.

“Come on, sleepy head.” Samantha shook her leg.

“I’m not going.” Erika mumbled into her pillow.

“Don’t be silly, it’s time for our jog around the lake. Come on. Get up.”

“I’m not going!” Erika snapped. “Leave me alone!”

Samantha pulled back. “Whoa! Someone’s a little touchy.”

“Maybe she’s on her period.” Rachel surmised.

Several of the girls giggled.

“Leave her alone,” Tricia defended. “She was up half the night.”

“Doing what?” Rachel snickered.

“She was having bad dreams,” Tricia explained.

Erika began to feel bad. She didn’t mean to wake anyone up last night. She tried to keep her crying time in the bathroom silent. But it looked like she woke Tricia up.

“Let’s allow her to sleep until we get back to shower up,” Phoenix suggested.

Erika heard the girls of Columbine leave the cabin and chat as they walked down the trail to the lake.

Erika’s mind was in turmoil; her emotions a hurricane. She was so weary, but her brain just would not let her slide back into the embrace of nothingness.

She flicked off her covers and stomped into the bathroom to take care of her morning business. She almost began crying again when she found herself sitting on the toilet. Stopping mid-stream, she stood up, turned around and finished her business as a man ought to.

Erika pulled her suit case out of the closet and dug through it, finding baggy shorts, boxers and a summer weight flannel shirt. “Just for the day,” she said just loud enough for her own ears.

Grabbing the rest of her shower gear along with Eric’s clothes, she set off down to the shower house. Erika entered the back showe stall and stripped down out of her night gown and entered the hot steaming cascade of water.

She began to feel better as the sweat and stink of the nightmares were rinsed down the drain. She wondered whether she should go without the breast forms for the day. It might be nice to let her chest breathe. She decided against it. It might raise too many suspicions and she would feel naked without their weight.

Erika toweled off, and for the first time since leaving for camp, pulled on Eric’s clothing. The extra cloth of the underwear against his leg felt alien. The pants felt too big, too baggy. How was he ever able to move around with all of that extra fabric hanging from his waist and between his legs? His private bits usually held close by the gaffe, felt unsupported; as if they were in the way as he walked out of the bathroom and back up to the cabin.

He found the acetone and used toilet tissue to remove all color from his nails. If it wasn’t so expensive to get a new set, he would have removed them as well. Going without polish would have to do. Eric combed out his hair and used his hands to push it out of his face. He looked in the mirror but his hair just didn’t look right, even plastered to his head and un-styled, he looked feminine. He dug around in his suitcase and found a baseball cap and pulled it on over his wet hair.

He looked around the cabin and sighed. His cabin mates were around the lake by now and probably doing exercises. He picked up after himself, emptied the trash and began sweeping out the cabin.

“What’s with the baggy shorts?” Victoria asked as she entered the cabin.

“That’s an interesting look,” Tricia said, eyeing him. She smiled, but it didn’t seem to hold the sparkle that it had last night.

Victoria watched him warily. “Exercising some testosterone today, are we?”

“Told you she was on her period,” Rachel shook her head as she passed him to get to her bunk.

“Are you feeling alright?” Phoenix asked.

“I… I just need a day off.” Eric stammered.

“You worked so hard to show us all that you are a girl, to show your mother that you are a girl, why suddenly the very next day, go back to looking like a boy?” Dani asked.

Tricia looked concerned. “Is it the dream?”

Stunned, all Eric could do was nod.

“It was just a dream,” Rachel scoffed. “Let it go.”

“What was it about?” Tricia asked.

Eric blushed. “Nothing.”

“Oh, leave her alone,” Samantha defended. “Can’t you see that she’s scared?”

“Alright Columbine, off to the showers, quickly. Let me talk with Erika.” Phoenix ordered, dismissing them. “Go on.”

Eric slumped and sat down hard on Samantha’s bed as the others grabbed their things and headed off to the showers.

“Identity crisis?” Phoenix inquired.

“Something like that,” Eric admitted.

“What was the dream about?”

Eric told her of the dream.

“What troubles you most about it?” Phoenix asked.

“That I don’t know who I am. I was a boy until this summer. I dressed like a boy, felt like a boy, did boy things and had boy dreams. Then I came here.”

A silence filled the cabin.

“Now you feel like a girl?”

Eric didn’t say anything. He stared at the floor.

“I thought you were enjoying being a girl?”

“I was… I am.”

Phoenix touched his knee. “I know you were having a hard time with it in the beginning, but something inside you seemed to push through and you began to blossom.”

“When did you know?” Eric asked.

“I didn’t know for a while.” Phoenix admitted. “The cabin seemed to have a tension in it that didn’t seem normal. So, I slipped away to give you girls privacy to work it out. But I didn’t go far, and I’m afraid to admit that I spied on you.”

“I thought you were going off to see Todd.”

“At first it was mostly that, but after a while it was mostly to figure out what was eating at the girls of my cabin.”

“I haven’t told anyone,” Eric blurted out. “I mean about you and Todd.”

“Thank you for that.” Phoenix smiled. “It is one of the reasons I didn’t let anyone else know about you.”

“What about Hobbs?”

“I haven’t told her. She suspects that there is something going on, but doesn’t know what it is. At least I don’t think she does.” She was quiet for a moment. “We’re supposed to be talking about you. What in this dream scares you?”

“My being married as a girl, I guess.”

“It sounds like you were surrounded by friends and loved ones, and had the support of your family.”

Eric nodded. “But I’m attracted to girls. How can I be getting married as a girl if I like girls?”

“Did you see who you were getting married too?”

“No.”

“So for all you know, you could be getting married to a girl.”

“I don’t know. Even if I was, why was I a girl and in a wedding dress, acting like a bride?”

“Why don’t you tell me?” Phoenix posed.

“I don’t know why.” Eric’s eyes welled with tears.

“I want you to think on it.” Phoenix gave Eric’s leg a squeeze. “So, you are taking the day off from being a girl. Should I excuse you from activities today so that you can stay in the cabin?”

“No.” Eric said slowly. “I want my friends; I need my friends. I’m just… just… I don’t know, just confused.”

“It’s alright.” Phoenix smiled. “However, if you decide to go back to being a boy, and that is perfectly all right, I’m going to have to know so that I can make arrangements for you to go to a different cabin, or something.”

“Or home,” Eric finished.

“Or home.” Phoenix agreed. “You work this out, okay? And come see me if you have questions. I’m a counsellor; I’m here to help you.”

“Thanks Phoenix.”

Phoenix embraced him with a big hug. “Why don’t you take a quiet walk around the lake? I’ll talk to the girls. Besides, Liberty looked as if he missed you this morning.”

Eric pulled on his Converse shoes and took the back trail down to the lake.

Why was he the bride in the dream? Why had he been getting all giddy in the dream? In the dream, as Erika, he was comfortable, why? And his mother was there, and happy, and all lovey-dovey? Giving Erika grandma’s pearl necklace?

Eric shook his head. It’s not as if he was seeing the future. It was just a dream. So why was he so bothered by it?

Eric thought back to the first few days of camp. He had been terrified of being found out; terrified of being exposed as an impostor. The clothes felt funny, the makeup felt weird, and he didn’t know what to say or how to act. Then there was the strange incident where Erika was asked out by Josh. Terrified was too light of a word for that; petrified was more suitable. And then Josh kissed him. A shiver of nastiness rolled over his body.

After that, Eric was starting to enjoy his role as Erika. Being caught and sent home was still at the back of his mind, but as Erika she started making friends. It had been so long since someone was willing to befriend Eric; so long since anyone would trust Eric–years since Eric could trust anyone other than Summer.

Erika then had to deal with the vindictive, frightened Victoria and her neurotic fear of having Eric in the cabin. That had been a nightmare. That was the second lowest point in Eric’s life, only Summer’s suicide ranked worse.

Eric’s mind spun, as he recalled the last three weeks: The special time with Samantha; the memorable Fourth of July; the shopping trips into town with the girls and experiencing the pleasures of pedicures.

He recalled coming to the realization that Samantha was no longer the girl of his dreams and finding the strength to end the relationship; finding a true, dear, friend in Tricia and learning to be comfortable in strange situations or environments.

But was that Eric’s life or Erika’s? Could he distinguish between the two? Should he?

Eric was surprised to find that he had already made a circuit of the lake. The familiar noise of breakfast could be heard from the dining hall. Eric’s stomach grumbled, but he wasn’t ready to face the other campers. Not yet. He walked up to the back door of the kitchen and peeked inside.

Sheila and her helpers had already started cleaning up after making the breakfast. Sheila looked up. “Well hello.” She gave Eric a confused smile.

“Hi, Sheila.” Eric forced a smile. “I was um… hoping to grab a bite from back here.”

“Does your counsellor know where you are?” Sheila asked trying to place the camper’s face with a name.

“Kind of. She sent me out on a walk. I was supposed to meet back up with my cabin for breakfast, but I’m really not in the mood to join the ruckus.”

“Who’s your counsellor?”

“Phoenix.”

The name clicked. “Erika, right?” Sheila stepped forward.

“Yes.”

“Grab one of those muffins. I’ll tell Phoenix that you’ll meet her back at the cabin.”

“Thank you, Sheila.”

“Just don’t make me out to be a liar. Be in your cabin,” she warned.

Eric nodded, grabbed a muffin and a bottle of juice offered by one of the helpers and ducked back out of the kitchen.

The sun mottling the ground promised a hot day. There would definitely be a lot of water activities planned for the afternoon. Eric made his way back to Columbine; back to a place of solace–refuge. He shook his head. It was Erika’s refuge.

He sat on the front steps of the cabin, enjoying the sporadic song of the birds and squirrels as he tore bits of muffin and put them in to his mouth. He looked down at what he was doing and swore. Girls ate muffins that way, tearing off pieces to savor each bite. Guys bit into them, wolfing them down and looking for more. He sank his teeth into the muffin taking a large bite and chewing it deliberately in a more masculine way.

It wasn’t long before he spied the ladies of Columbine chattering as they came up the trail. He slid off to one side of the steps so that they would be unimpeded in their entry.

“Hey, feeling better?” Samantha enquired.

Eric shrugged.

“Let me know if you need anything. Okay?” She made direct eye contact with him.

He may not still be in love with her, but she was still a vision to behold. Eric for lack of anything better to say, just nodded.

Samantha squeezed his shoulder as she passed and went into the cabin.

“Cramps getting any better, freak?” Rachel asked with actual concern in her voice.

“Rachel!” Dani and Phoenix both snapped.

“It’s all right,” Eric allowed. “She’s right, I am a freak.”

“She has no right treating you like that.” Phoenix glared at Rachel.

Eric caught Rachel’s hand and gave it a squeeze as she passed. Rachel was slightly startled by the gesture, but didn’t pull away.

“Get ready for the day.” Phoenix instructed the other girls shooing them into the cabin.

Phoenix stopped by Eric and held her gaze with concern. “Are you feeling any better?”

“I don’t know,” Eric answered honestly. “There is just so much going on in my mind. Part of me wonders if Erika is just a dream, another part wonders if Eric is the dream, or a nightmare.”

“I think they are both real–and both are right here, a part of you.” Phoenix put a hand against Eric’s heart. “I think they are both, who you are. Kind of like a house. Each house has different rooms; each room has a different use and a different personality. You just need to figure out what kind of siding you want; clap-board siding with gingerbread or hewn logs; maybe red brick? You know what I mean?”

“So Erika is the personality of some rooms and Eric others in the same house?” Eric asked for clarification.

Phoenix nodded with a smile.

“I just need to figure out what personality I want the exterior to represent, is that it?”

“It’s definitely a step in a direction.”

“We all have different rooms, and different exteriors. Look at Tricia, what kind of exterior does she have?”

Eric thought about it for a moment. “I think she is a pink and white Victorian with a white picket fence.”

Phoenix nodded. “I agree. What about Rachel?”

“Definitely a stone or brick house, strong, and sturdy but with some lacy curtains in the windows that only hint at her inner softness.”

Phoenix laughed softly. “Dani?”

Eric thought for a moment. “Tudor. Well-built. Steady, but a classic and elegant on the inside.”

“How about Krystal?”

“I see her kind of like a Victorian, but with muted colors and full of books.”

Phoenix nodded. “I see her as a library too.”

“What about me?” Katie asked from the door.

Phoenix and Eric both looked up; startled to see all of the girls standing there, listening in. smiles on their faces.

“Katie, I see you as a two story Ranch house,” Eric explained. “Timeless and simple. Maybe an oak tree out front and a field of wildflowers surrounding you.”

Katie beamed at the description.

“What about Victoria?” Tricia inquired. “What kind of house is she?”

Eric looked to Phoenix, then to Victoria. “Victoria’s a hard one. She can be like an adobe hacienda at times, formidable on the outside, comfortable on the inside. Other times, I see her as a contemporary house built of concrete and glass. Simple lines and bold colors, no nonsense.

Victoria contemplated that for a moment and nodded. “I can see that.”

“What about me?” Samantha whispered, almost afraid to ask.

“Samantha, I see you as a Southern Plantation house. All show on the outside, beautiful with elegant lines. Classic, brightly colored on the inside with parlors and studies up front, but rooms that need to be aired out and freshened up further inside.”

Samantha’s smile at the beginning of the description slid into a stiff stoic look.

Seeing the hurt, Eric tried to explain. “It’s the pain of losing Summer and not having time to repair and heal.”

Samantha nodded acknowledgement and turned away, back into the cabin.

“Okay, that’s enough of that.” Phoenix broke the silence that had fallen around them. “Victoria, what’s on the agenda for today?”

“Two games of kickball back to back, one against Fir, the other against Lupine followed by a game of softball against Daisy.” she listed. “After lunch we meet up with Grizzly Adams.” The girls snickered at the name. “Then it is free time for a while followed by swimming.”

“Well, due to the promising heat today, the whole afternoon might be spent swimming,” Phoenix notified.

“I know you want the day off, Erika, but I hope you’ll join us for the morning’s games. We really need your help,” Rachel pleaded.

“After what you’ve said to her and how you’ve treated her today?” Tricia raised her voice. “You’ll be glad we don’t gang up on you and give you a pounding.”

“It’s all right, Tricia,” Eric said getting to his feet. “I just want a day off from being all girly-girl. Not from being with my friends.”

“All right, Columbine; let’s go kick some kick-ball butt.” Phoenix encouraged.

* * *

Okay, I’d like to find out what kind of house YOU think Eric/Erika is.