My first thought’s had been relief that I was still alive and the burning desire to call the police and report the rape. The longer I sat and considered it though the idea of what that would result in was somewhat unappealing. No one except Eddie, my mother and of course William knew my secret.

Reporting the incident would open up a whole can of worms, some that I did not want to escape.

By Karin Roberts

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Eddie returned home for Xmas and New Year holidays and we spent a lot of time together. Me visiting his parents, and him visiting my mother and Robert. I was also able to introduce him to a few of my new found friends from college going out for drinks and meals as foursomes and doing all the normal thing’s that couples would do.

All in all the festive season and the dawn of the new year went well and it was with great sorrow that the two of us parted again as the holiday season came to a close. Tears were shed at the airport as I waved goodbye to Eddie with his family on his return to University. His mother hugging me and consoling me “You really do love him dear don’t you” she asked “Yes, I’d do anything for him” I replied through floods of tears, “and so would he for you my dear daughter, you’ll soon be together and hopefully for always” she said wiping my tears with her handkerchief as we saw him disappear from sight.

It was back to college for me and a new term. This was my final session on my course so a lot of hard work was ahead to gain my qualification’s and it was no surprise that with my mind fully focussed on the task ahead the first few months flew by. A few days before the final exam myself, Carol and Fiona who were the two girls I had become firm friends with agreed that we would celebrate the completion of our courses with a girls night out at a local night club, little did we know that what was to be a celebration of achievement would turn out to be a nightmare for me !

Coincidently around the time of the end of my exams Robert had planned a romantic long weekend for him and my mother in Venice. Although I would have liked to tag along, I had a feeling that he had some other motive for taking her away on her own, and I was fairly sure that by the time they returned I may well have a new step-dad to look up to. So I resigned myself to staying behind.

It was the first time I had been left alone to fend for myself either as Craig or as Nikki so I was looking forward to being the lady of my own home for a few days. So on the day of my big night out I waved them off as they drove to the airport and then set about doing my household chores for the day. Around 4pm Clare one of the girls I was going out with tonight rang,

“You still on for tonight “ she asked.

“Yeah no problem”

“Should be a good night I’ll pick you up around half seven” she said,

“Ok fine see you then” I had around 3 hours to get ready so I went upstairs and ran a bath liberally sprinkling some of my mothers “Eden” bath salts into the water. Waiting for the bath to fill I stripped off, my figure was really taking shape now my skin was much softer than it had been, my legs seemed shapelier and my chest had developed into a 38C so I was amply provided for. The only blemish was the shrinking penis that was still between my legs but hey in time that would be gone too I thought to myself as I slipped into the hot perfumed water and began to wash my self down. Twenty minutes later I was patting myself dry and with a towel wrapped around me heading into my room to get changed.

Although it was a girls night out I had already decided to be slightly conservative in my choice of clothes, while I new that Carol and probably Fiona would be out to pull I had no intention and was only out to celebrate the end of the college term and hope that I had done well in my final exams.

I took a red satin strapless bra from my drawer and quickly encased my boobs in it. A matching pair of red panties next. I put on my bath robe and sat down at the dresser to do my make up. I applied a light coating of foundation to my face and then a brief dusting of powder and a spot of blusher. With my eyes I applied a dark grey eye shadow to my bottom lids and a silver colour to my upper lids blending them together. Just a little mascara followed by a burgundy lipstick to finish off.

There was no need to paint my nails tonight as I had recently had a set of French Tips fitted and the style these days was for the straight white tipped nails.

I rose from the dresser and walked over to my closet to select an outfit for the evening. It was a hot night and no doubt the club would be busy and sticky as well so I wanted something light and cooling. I selected a red lycra body which Eddies mother had bought me recently, it had a round neck and was not low cut but had red lace sleeves down to your elbow pulling it over my head I slid it down and fastened the poppers between my legs.

I was torn between a skirt and wearing slacks and finally decided on a pair of black boot cut leather trousers and a pair of strappy sandals with a three inch stiletto heel.

Returning to the dresser I picked up a couple of extra ring’s the engagement ring that Eddie had given me was a permanent fixture of course but I slipped on another couple of rings to my other hand before fixing two inch gold hooped earring’s to my ears, a gold chain with half a heart hanging from it this half had Eddie engraved on it. Eddie had the other half which naturally enough had Nikki engraved on it finishing of with a rather swish gold watch that Eddies mother had also bought me. I picked up my small black handbag and headed off downstairs.

I walked into the kitchen and took a bottle of white wine out of the fridge uncorking it I poured myself a glass and returned to the lounge. I sat down and glanced at the clock it was ten to seven so I had time to finish my drink before Carol turned up, lifting the remote I flicked on the TV and reached for my bag.

Eddie’s mother had recently made a flying visit to New York to do some shopping with a friend who was going through a messy divorce. On her return she had brought me around a dozen carton of American cigarettes VS 120 slims they were called I loved them the long narrow menthol cigarette which I thought was even more sexy then the UK brands that I usually smoked.

Taking the packet out of my bag with my slim gold lighter I took one out and placed it in my mouth, flicking the flame into life I lit the cigarette and took a deep inhale before removing it from my mouth and blowing a cloud of smoke ring’s into the air. In no time I heard the sound of Carol’s car horn and got up. Leaving my glass on the table I grabbed another packet of ciggies and put them in my bag. A couple of sprays of my mother’s Eden perfume to my wrist and neck and I dropped the glass bottle into my bag. I was ready to go.

Opening the door I stepped out, closing it behind me I headed down the path to meet Carol opening the car door I gracefully slid in and grabbed the seatbelt.

“Hi babes, ready for a good night out” she asked.

“Yeah I’ve been looking forward to it” I replied.

“Well we’ve worked hard these last couple of months and we deserve it, and I for one want to get shagged silly tonight” she said with a wicked grin.

“You go for it girl” I said.

“Oh don’t worry one lucky guy will be getting it tonight” she said with a wink of her eye as she pulled away from the kerb and drove towards town.

We hit a couple of trendy bars in town all of us in good form having a laugh and a joke Carol and Fiona doing a power of flirting with guys and me, Anna and Liz watching their antics with care so that they did not get involved with the wrong type of guy’s. Around 10.30 we decided to head to a club so me Anna, Liz and Carol pilled into a taxi while Fiona who had picked up a guy called Brian followed on in another taxi.
Arriving at the club we paid to get in and got down to some serious dancing all four girls together, Fiona and her new man friend dancing together further along the dance floor. We had been in the club for around an hour when Carol eventually pulled and paired of with a guy called Mike so the three remaining girls without company continued to party while the others got to know their partners a little better.
Around that time I thought I saw a face I knew but it was only a quick glance and quickly forgot about it.

Anna and Liz decided they needed to visit the loo so I trotted of to the bar to order another couple of drinks. Returning from the bar I put the drinks on the table and slipped up on to the stool and lit a cigarette. Just at that I was aware of a guy approaching me.

“Hi babes you on your own” he asked.

“No just waiting for my friends to return” I said.

“Can I buy you a drink or would you like to dance” he asked.

“Thanks but I’ve just got one” “

Well what about the dance then”

“Sorry I’m engaged” I said.

“I never asked to marry you just dance with you” he said with a laugh

“Well maybe later, when they come back”

“Oh come on” he said.

Taking another drag from my cigarette I exhaled out a cloud of smoke and crushed it out in the ashtray.

“Ok, just one dance remember” and I got down of the stool and we headed out on to the dance floor. When the music stopped I said thanks and we headed back to where I had left Anna and Liz they were back by now and chatting to Carol and her guy.

“Who’s this “ Anna asked.

“Oh this is Andy” I said.

“Pleased to meet you girls” he said in particular eyeing Liz’s chest which was sparsely covered by the top she had chosen for the night. I sat back down and slipped out another cigarette Mike immediately offered me a light and I could see Carol growl as he paid some attention to me.

Andy by this time had moved closer to Liz and I picked up my drink and took a sip. Carol was busy whispering in Mike’s ear and within a couple of minutes she looked at me winked and announced to the group that they were going to head off. We said our goodbyes and I cheekily said to Mike as they left to have a good time knowing full well what Carol had in mind for him.

Andy continued to chat up Liz and Anna headed of for another round of drinks, while I headed off to the toilet asking Liz if she wanted to come with me she slipped off the stool and headed to the toilets with me.

Once inside we went into separate cubicles to do our business and then met up again at the mirrors to touch up our make up. I applied some fresh lipstick and a touch of mascara.

“So do you like this guy” I asked.

“He’s quite cute really”

“What about Steve though” ( Steve was Liz’s partner at college)

“Thing’s have not been right between us for a while now, and I think he might have been messing around with that little tart Mandy that’s doing the Admin course with you”

“Oh I see” I replied.

“Oh I don’t know, I really love Steve but maybe it’s time to move on” she said.

“You don’t have any proof about him and Mandy do you”

“No only rumours” she said,

“Well then sort it out with him first and then decide what you want to do, if you like this guy take his number then you can call him later if it goes belly up with Steve”

“Thanks Nikki, you’re a real friend” she said giving me a little peck on the cheek and wiping away the slight lipstick mark with a tissue.

“By the way where’s Fiona gone”

“Oh I think she sloped off with that Mike for some night time manoeuvres“ I responded both of us giggling as we headed back out into the busy club.

It was getting close to closing time when Liz who had still been the subject of Andy’s considerable attention began to complain of feeling light headed and dizzy, Andy immediately offered to take her home.

I was immediately a bit suspicious, getting Anna alone I said “Look I’m not sure about this what if he has put something in her drink”

“You mean drugged her”

“Yeah you hear about it happening all the time I think we should see her home, and the guy just seems a bit sleazy to me. First he was all over me then Liz. I just don’t trust him, Ok”

“Yeah fine by me” she responded.

Going back to the table I lifted my bag “Look Andy thanks for offering but I think we should take her home”

“It’s no problem really my cars outside” he answered,

“No she’s our friend, it’s up to us to see she gets home ok” I said a bit more forcefully, he seemed slightly angry about this but obviously not wishing to make a scene in a crowded club he accepted it and said “Maybe see you girls in here again sometime” as he walked off.

Liz by this time was really drowsy and we had to help her to her feet and towards the exit on the way out once again I caught sight of a face I thought I knew but had more on my mind helping Liz so ignored it again. We finally got her outside and Anna stayed with her while I grabbed a taxi, we piled into the cab and set of on the short journey to Liz’s flat.

Fifteen minutes later we were back safely in Liz’s flat she had already been sick once and kept drifting in and out on consciousness.

“I really do think she has been drugged” I said.

“Do you think we should call someone the police a doctor” asked Anna

“No let her sleep and she can decide in the morning if she wants to call or report it to anyone,” I responded.

“Look I’m going to stay the night with her you go home if you want to” said Anna, not wishing to undress give away my secret I agreed with some further persuasion and called a taxi.
Ten minutes later the cab was pulling up at my front door paying the driver I stepped out and walked up the path to the side door my heels clicking noisily on the garden slabs as I made my way to the steps. Standing under the light I opened my bag and took out the keys, just as I went to put the key in the lock a hand clamped tightly over my mouth and nose.

“Mmmnn” as another arm encircled my waist holding my free arm in and causing me to drop my bag I tried to pull the hand away but the assailant was too strong. They were close to me holding my head and I could not turn in what seemed like seconds I could see black dots flash in front of my eyes as I fought for breath and soon I descended into a still blackness.

I am not sure how long I was unconscious for but as I awoke I was groggy my first senses told me that I was lying on my back and there was something in my mouth. As my eyes began to clear I was become more aware of my situation. I was lying on my back in my bed my hands were tied tightly above my head and attached to the headboard. My ankles were similarly tied together and secured to the foot of the bed and there was a wad of cloth or something inside my mouth which was secured inside by some tape.

I had been partially undressed and only my bra and panties remained. I looked around the room with my limited vision and could not see anyone in here with me. Starting to struggle and moan a bit in the gag I tested the bonds. It quickly became obvious that there was no way I could get loose. As my struggles began to wane I could hear someone approach the room I was about to find out who had done this and why.

The door opened and in stepped William now if you have been keeping up with the story you’ll remember that this was the guy who attacked me at the party where I was supposed to betray Eddie.

“Ah Nikki, I’m glad to see your awake” he said as he stepped towards the bed, it was him that I thought I had recognised in the club tonight but he had changed quite a bit in what had been just about two years, he now had a beard and had put on quite a bit of weight as well.

Sitting on the bed his hand drifted on to the inside of my bare calf and began to move upwards.

“I promised you this night would come, didn’t I” he said as I tried to pull my legs away but, the rope held them fast. “Well tonight were going to have some fun” he said with a manic look on his face. “Now there’s two ways we can do this you can be cooperate and maybe even enjoy it. Or you can put up a fight, either way it’s going to happen and if you choose the later then someone could get hurt and it won’t be me” he said forcefully as he produced a curved knife from a sheath on his side.

I could only mumble in protest as he moved the silver blade towards me as he climbed up on to the bed, my head shaking from side to side with unrecognisable sounds of vain protest.

“Now what’s it to be” he said as the knife slipped under the centre of my bra and with a yanking motion spilt the fabric in half, pulling the fabric, away from my breasts.

“Oh very nice, you have been busy growing a nice pair like this now it would be a shame to waste them if you don’t play the game” he said as the cold flat blade was placed flat over my nipple and pressed downwards. “Or maybe you would prefer that I got rid of this for you,” he said as he moved backwards removing the blade from my chest he slid it downwards and with a similar motion as to before slipped it into the side of my panties and with a single tug slit them open as well.

“Well , I would be doing you a favour wouldn’t I “ he said with a smirk as the blade point pricked my penis now as much as I wanted to lose the thing between my legs I had no wish for it to be hacked off by him either. He let go the knife and reached down to grab my testicles pulling them and squeezing them hard with a grin he looked up at me

“Well, I’m waiting, what will it be” he said with an edge pulling harder as pain tore through every pore of my body and tears began to well in my eyes with pain “Well is that a yes for the easy way” he said looking up at me and in much pain I nodded my head “Good then lets get on with enjoying ourselves” as he released my testicles and got up off the bed and began to undress.

I’m not sure exactly how long the attack went on but I had been bound and tied in about three or four different ways each time having to satisfy William either orally or anally or even both. By this time my hands were tied tightly in front of me and a strand of rope led from my wrists to the headboard of the bed. My legs were stretched apart and my ankles secured to each side of the bed, my mouth was filled with a wad of cloth and a cleave gag was tightly tied to keep it in place, I was on my knees and facing downwards with William behind me so you can guess what was coming next.

My body ached in places I never knew I had from a result of the continued attack. There had been no attempt to lessen my anal anguish by using any type of lubricant and my anus had been stretched to its limit. For the fifth time William entered me roughly driving his penis deep into my already aching body. His thrusts grew faster and his breathing harder as he continued his rape.

As his strokes became faster and I could sense that his climax was not far away once again his hand encircled my face and clamped over my nose. Quickly I began to struggle for air and coupled with the hard driving motion and pain my heart felt as if it was going to burst. My first thought was he’s going to kill me panic set in, soon once again I was drifting into a black hole as I lost consciousness.

I don’t know how long I was out for but I woke up cold, exhausted and aching from every bone in my body. My ankles were still tied to the base of the bed and my wrists were still tied but not fixed to the headboard but loose by my side the gag had been removed and my mouth seemed as dry as a desert. As my head began to clear I began to try and unravel the knot with my teeth which was a long process, finally I achieved enough slack to loosen my bonds and as pain racked my body reached down to untie my ankles.

Finally free I got up off the bed and immediately was overcome with the need to be sick. Racing to the bathroom I fell to my knees in front of the toilet and threw up, once I was content that I had finished I got up and splashed some cold water on my face returning to the bedroom I sat down on the bed and began to cry.

My first thought’s had been relief that I was still alive and the burning desire to call the police and report the rape. The longer I sat and considered it though the idea of what that would result in was somewhat unappealing. No one except Eddie, my mother and of course William knew my secret.

Reporting the incident would open up a whole can of worms some that I did not want to escape. With my mother out of the country I decided to call Eddie instead. Leaving the bedroom I went downstairs all the time aware that William could still be lurking around but somehow I believed that he was well gone.

It was around 5am in the morning when I picked up the phone and when I heard Eddie’s voice I was reduced into a blubbering wreck of tears.

“Nikki is that you, what’s happened” I heard him say.

“Oh Eddie I’m so glad to hear your voice” I replied through deep sobbing.

“What’s happened has something happened to your mum”

“No I’ve been attacked” was all I could say.

“Have you called the police” he asked.

“No not yet” through another set of tears I said.

“Well call them now and I’ll be home in a couple of hours” he said.

“Ok” I mumbled as he hung up and I broke down in tears again.

Over three hours later I heard a knock at the door, in the time that had passed I had taken 3 baths and cleaned my teeth what must have been about a dozen times, the rest of the time had been taken up with prolonged crying and smoking cigarettes.

I was sitting on my bed legs tucked up under my chin and my arms grasping them tightly to me, my hair was wet and stringy and I was wearing a loose sweatshirt and a pair of tracksuit bottoms. Lifting myself of the bed still in some pain and discomfort I headed downstairs.

Nervously I approached the door calling out “Who’s there” the reply cam back “Nikki it’s me Eddie” still unsure I stepped forward and put my eye to the peephole sure enough there he stood, quickly I opened the door.

“Oh darling what happened” he said as I fell into his arms in another flood of tears leading me away from the door and closing it while I clung to him, he led me into the lounge. “Here sit down” he said practically having to rip me from his arms as he sat down beside me his arm around my shoulders still holding me close by.

“Tell me what happened” and so grabbing my cigarettes and lighting one inhaling deeply I began the story.

I’d never told Eddie about what happened at the party that night explaining how William had cornered me beside the garage and his threat, how I had not expected to be Nikki by this time and how the threat had gone out of my mind. I told him about our night out and the guy in the club who we suspected had drugged Liz and how we had taken her home and then when I got home how William had been waiting for me and had knocked me out and tied me up, I missed out a good deal of the sexual element of the attack not wishing to let my fiancé hear the worst but just enough to let him know how I was feeling, about half an hour later and four more cigarettes the story was told.

“And you called the police” he asked.

“No”

“Nikki why not you need to report this”

“I can’t” I sobbed,

“You have to”

“No, how can I , I’ve built a life as Nikki how can I wreck it now, when the police arrest him the story appears in the press everybody gets to know I’m trans-gendered your family my friends. I don’t even know if Robert knows, I can’t do that I can’t run the risk of losing you”

“You won’t loose me”

“I still can’t do it I just can’t take the risk”

“So your going to let him get away with it are you”

“I don’t see that I can do anything else, in a little while I’ll be Nikki for real and we can put this all behind us.”

Eddie rose “I need a drink , you want one”

“Yeah a brandy would be nice, please don’t be angry with me Eddie you must see what involving the police would mean”

“I’m not angry with you I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.” Eddie left the room and I began crying again pain still wracked my body and I looked like a drowned rat. I got up and tried to fix my hair a bit hearing Eddie come back upstairs I returned to the bed and climbed up.

“Here drink this” he said sidling up beside me and putting his arm round my shoulders I tensed a bit as he placed a kiss on my cheek.

“Well be ok won’t we” he said.

“In time” I said closing my eyes I was asleep in his arms within a couple of minutes.

I’m not sure how long I slept, but when I awoke I was under the covers and it was daylight outside. I got up and slipped on a pair of jeans and a blouse and a pair of flat sandals , leaving my bedroom I walked downstairs.

“Eddie you there” I called ahead of me.

“Yeah in here babes” came a call from the kitchen. I reached the bottom of the stairs and headed towards the kitchen.

“Thought I’d make you a spot of lunch”

“I’m not that hungry, what time is it”

“It’s gone 2 o’clock, you slept like a log” “I had a horrible dream” I said beginning to slightly sob again.

“Here sit down, have this soup I made you” he said gesturing towards the table I moved across and sat down as he put the plate in front of me. I picked up the spoon and took a mouthful.

“It’s nice” I said as he sat across from me.

“The dreams will go Nikki time will heal”

“I hope so” I said just then the phone rang.

“You stay there I’ll get it” he said rising from the table from the kitchen I could hear some raised voices from the hallway I rose as I reached the doorway Eddie came racing in and grabbed his jacket.

“What is it” I said.

“That was that rapist on the phone gloating asking if you enjoyed yourself” my hand went to my mouth as Eddie shot past me.

“Where you going” I screamed.

“He’s not getting away with this Nikki”

“No please Eddie don’t do anything” I said moving forward and reaching for his arm I caught his sleeve.

“Nikki let go I’m going to find him” as he shook of my grip and went out the door, I sank to the floor behind the door and the tears began once again as I heard a car start.

I sat for hours it had gotten dark I had no idea where Eddie had gone or the consequences of how his action would turn out. I had figured that he had not gone to the police because if he had then they would surely have called round by now.

So he must have gone looking for William that scared me just as much. I though of the consequences my true gender becoming known the reaction from friends, Robert, Eddies parents should the truth come out. Maybe it would be for the best after all Eddie’s brother was in a gay relationship so his parents might be ok about it, but I kept thinking about how they would feel about all the deception maybe we should have just told them from the start. I had spent most of the several hours that Eddie had gone either smoking, drinking or crying and some times all three.

I got up to pour another drink and find another pack of cigarettes when I heard a car pull up, I raced over to the window and in the dim street light’s I could see Eddie step out on his own, well at least he’s ok I thought not beat up or anything. I heard the door open and I moved towards the door.

“Eddie where have you been” I said as I moved towards him and into his arms, from our embrace I could tell he was shaking.

“Your cold” I said moving back slightly from him I looked up his face was ashen white

“What’s wrong” I asked “Are you ok”

“He’s dead, Williams dead” he said and I broke our embrace.

********************

We moved back into the living room.

“What did you do, did you kill him” I asked as he moved over to the drinks cabinet and poured a drink.

“Do you really think I could kill someone” he asked turning towards me

“No, I just, what happened, you were so angry”

“I think I was right to be angry not only does the guy rape my fiancé but then he phones up to gloat about it” he said.

“Your scaring me Eddie, what happened”

“I went to look for him all the places I thought he might be. Your right when I left here I could have killed him, but I got a bit calmer as I looked for him. Eventually I was just going to give him a hammering then I was just going to warn him off. Anyway I could not find him and I was heading back here anyway as I passed the nightclub you were in last night who did I see but William chatting to a couple of girls, I parked the car and got out. I was walking up the street towards him when he saw me he just turned and bolted I started to run after him but he ran straight out onto the road and was hit straight on by a taxi”

“Oh my god” I said as a hand went to my mouth.

“The police came along interviewed the two girls and some others me included, no one had seen me start to chase him so the police had no idea why he had started to run and neither had the girls, he was killed outright.” I walked over to Eddie and gave him a hug.

“It’s ok, at least you safe I was so worried” I said this time it was Eddie’s turn to cry, as I held him I thought at least my secret is safe for now. and in a funny way my abuser had got a reward he deserved.

The following day both us spent time with each other Eddie trying to console me over the rape and me trying to reassure him over the events surrounding William’s death. Both of us agreed that both incidents would remain between us and that neither set of parents or friends would be told anything of the events of the weekend, and that we would help each other with the recovery of our lives.

We stayed at home most of the day briefly Eddie briefly popped out to pick up a take away meal for us. After our meal we snuggled up in front of the TV and watched some bland movie which I suppose neither of us was really concentrating on. Around 9pm my mother called to remind me that she would be back tomorrow and that I had to order her a cab.

“Everything ok there darling”

“Yeah fine mum, I won’t forget your taxi, see you tomorrow”

“Ok Nikki, I’ve missed you”

“Yeah I’ve missed you too mum.”

Early the next morning Eddie packed up and headed back to University “You be ok” he asked as we kissed and cuddled in the doorway

“Yeah I’ll be fine, and you drive carefully, give me a call when you get back”

“I will” he said and with a final kiss he was on his way.

After Eddie left I called the taxi company for my mother and Robert and set about clearing up the house. A few hours later the taxi pulled up and my mother and Robert got out tanned and looking refreshed they headed up the path, looking happy in each others company. I opened the door to greet them.

“Did you have a good time” I asked.

“It was superb” my mother gushed “Let’s get inside we’ve got something to tell you”

As I had suspected they then proceeded to tell me that Robert had proposed on holiday, I’d had a feeling that that was part of the reason for the trip so with kisses all round and congratulations a plenty I excused my self and headed into the kitchen to get a bottle of champagne to toast the occasion my mother following me through.

“You ok really with our engagement” she asked.

“Yeah I’m pleased mum you deserve someone in your life again”

“Good I just worried that you might be scared of Robert finding out”

“You mean he’s never known about Craig”

“No I’ve never told him and he suspects nothing”

“But what about when I go for the final change”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, but rest assured we won’t get married, till your finally Nikki in the fullest sense of the word” she said reaching forward and hugging me.

“Thanks mum” a slight tear in my eye.

She saw it “Hey what’s wrong” she asked.

I struggled to hold myself together a bit “Eh nothing” I said wiping it away with my knuckle, “I’m just so happy for you.” She stepped forward hugging me tight.

“Now let’s get these glasses and the champagne and toast all our futures” she said.

“Sounds good to me” I replied through a slight sniff, taking the bottle from the fridge and heading back to the lounge to toast the happy couple.

******************

The following month’s were difficult for me, I was jumpy and nervous when left alone, I knew that William was gone but some nights I would dream of that night the tight ropes binding my hands the feel of cloth stuffed in my mouth muffled sounds escaping as William continued his sexual assault on me.

At least twice I had woken up my mother calling out in my sleep fortunately nothing that she had heard had uncovered any of the events of that night. I had managed to pass it off just as some nightmares and my mind and continuing body changes due to my continued hormone intake.

As time passed however thing’s began to ease a bit and indeed if anything it seemed that Eddie was having a harder time with coming to terms with his part in the incident than I was. As with our life history though there was always just something around the corner which we did not expect.

We had all celebrated Xmas together Eddie’s family my mother and Robert and everything was perfect. Sometimes I still had to pinch myself to realise that this was happening but when I did I soon realised that I was deliriously happy that it had and in truth I could not remember ever being as happy as I was as Nikki.

The holiday season finished and Eddie headed back to University somewhat calmer than he had been at the start of the holidays. I on the other hand had finally found myself a job. It wasn’t much, just an Admin Clerk / Radio Controller with a local Taxi company. The owner knew of my trans-gendered status and in truth I think I somewhat shocked him as he had clearly been eyeing up my legs and cleavage during the interview.

Thankfully though this proved no problem and so I had secured my first job. The job was shift work but I enjoyed the challenge working with the other controllers and the drivers two of whom had already asked me out on a date, I had declined and put them clear that I was a one man girl and after what had happened with William I was always careful about trying not to lead men on. I knew what had happened had not been my fault but there was still a raw nerve and I was being careful not to push my luck.

The winter had been a harsh one several covering’s of deep snow and bitterly cold. Still by early February we were suffering severe cold snaps. I was on nightshift that week and by the Saturday morning I was absolutely bushed finishing my shift around 6am. Steve one of the early drivers picked me up to give me a lift home as local transport had not started yet.

“Quite night” he asked as I climbed in.

“Not too bad usual busy spell when the clubs finished, but got a bit quieter then. At least it gave me a chance to clear all the account invoices so clean slate when I start on Tuesday” I responded.

“Never like doing weekend nights, too many lippy drunks who throw up in the back more times than suits me, more hassle than it’s worth” he said. Idle chatter continued till we pulled up at my house, “Have a good weekend” I said climbing out “You too” he said as I closed the door and headed up the path.

Quietly I slipped my key into the lock and opened the door, Robert had probably stayed last night. Mum and him had been going to a Charity Night at the local pub. A smile crept over my face well at least with me on nights it would have given them the chance to spend some quality time together in bed.

I stepped into the kitchen and filled the kettle with water plugging it back in flipped the switch to make a coffee dropping the newspaper on the table that I had collected at the all night garage on the way home I sat down and waited for the water to boil. Once it had come to the boil I dropped some coffee in a mug and poured myself a drink returning to the table.

I opened my bag and took out my cigarettes taking one out of the pack I placed it between my lips and flicking the lighter inhaled the cool menthol smoke. Ah that’s better I thought to myself the office was no smoking and it had been about 1.30am since I had managed to slip out and have a quick ciggie before the rush.

I flicked through the newspaper nothing of major interest except for the stories surrounding the local third division football team who had just made it through to the last eight of the Scottish Cup for the first time in 25 years.

I thought back to the times that would have had me elated don’t get me wrong I still followed their progress and had even gone to watch a couple of matches with Eddie when he had been home but there would have been a time I would not have missed a match for the world and would have been there shouting and abusing the opponents the lot really.

I took a final draw from my cigarette and crushed it in the ashtray. Picking up my mug I closed the paper and left it for mum and Robert and set off for bed. I had barley put my foot on the first step of the stairs when the telephone rang “Shit who could that be at this time of the morning” I said to myself stepping back down and walking towards the phone I picked up the receiver.

“Hello” I said.

“Nikki”

“Oh hi babes, what you doing calling this early, I’m just back from work”

“Nikki there’s been an accident”

“Are you ok” I said with concern in my voice.

“No it’s not me it’s Mum and Dad they were in a car crash”

“Are they ok” I said.

“Eh” I could hear the emotion in his voice. “Eddie are they ok” I asked again “Eh... no there both dead” he said choking back the tears as I let my cup of coffee drop from my hand and crash to the floor. There was momentary silence as I searched for something to say, what could I say. In the end what I did say didn’t seem quite enough in the circumstances.

“Oh Eddie, I’m so sorry” tears beginning to run from my eye’s now, “What happened”

“I don’t know all the details yet, just that they were on their way back from a seminar my dad was speaking at and they crashed” his speech interlaced with sobs as he spoke. “Look, I’m coming home as soon as I can, will you meet me at home”

“Yeah just ring me when you get there, and Eddie drive safely darling I love you”

“I love you too I’ll see you later” he said hanging up.

I looked at the broken cup on the floor the wet patch where the coffee had landed. I could not believe it, both Eddies parent killed, I sat at the foot of the stairs for about ten minutes trying to think about how he must be feeling I’d never experienced anything like this, yeah my dad had left but I knew he was still alive somewhere I could not imagine what it must feel like.

Rousing myself I went upstairs knocking on my mothers door and opening it slowly I slipped my head inside sure enough Robert was there.

“Mum” I said quietly.

“Eh Nikki, what do you want darling” she said drowsily.

“Can I speak to you a minute something’s happened”

“Eh your worrying me, you ok”

“Yeah I’m fine it’s about Eddie” I said tears beginning to flow.

“Eh ok give me a minute” I shut the door and crossed to my room, a couple of minutes later she came into my room in her dressing gown. I told her what Eddie had told me both of us in tears and hugging each other as mothers and daughters do, half an hour later I was in bed trying to get some rest but I knew a hopeless task as I awaited the call from Eddie to announce he was home.

A few hours later I was on my way to Eddie’s dressed in a pair of black slacks with a white blouse and low heeled shoes I stepped up the path towards the front door, my hair tied back and only minimal make up I rang the bell. There were several cars in the driveway as I stood waiting for the door to be answered. Seconds later the door was opened by a lady in her early fifties I imagined.

“Eh hi” I mumbled.

“You must be Nikki” she said.

“I’m Eddies Aunt Lillian” offering me her hand and leaning forward at the same time to plant a kiss on my cheek.

“Hello, I’m so sorry” I said quietly

“Thank you yes tragic my dear.”

“Where’s Eddie” I enquired.

“Last I saw him he was in the kitchen, you know your way through” she asked.

“I need to see to his grandmother she’s very upset” “Naturally” I replied.

“I’ll be ok I know the way” I said turning and heading towards the kitchen as his Aunt moved towards the lounge. I walked along the hall and pushed open the door to the kitchen. Inside stood Eddie his brother and two other men who I did not know.

The sound of the door opening drew there attention towards me Eddie stopped talking put down his glass and moved towards me as I entered the kitchen. We met and I could see the puffiness in his eyes as his arms encircled me and we hugged.
“I’m so sorry darling” I whispered in his ear as my head lay on his shoulder. The remainder of the day was a blur tears and sadness around the household and endless cups of tea, coffee and sympathy, introductions for me to friends, relatives and all as I accompanied Eddie and his family around the house.

Soon it was late evening and I stood with Eddie on the front steps waiting for my taxi to go home.

“It’s been quite a day” I said.

“Yeah, I’m glad you’re here, I’m not sure how I would have coped without you around” he said.

“I’m so sorry” I repeated for what seemed like the thousandth time that day.

“I know” he said as he leaned forward to kiss me as my car approached, our lips met and tears began to come to my eyes,

“We will be ok” I asked.

“Yeah we’ll get through this together” he said as he led me by the hand towards the car.

“I’ll see you for the funeral on Wednesday” he said as I climbed into the car.

“Yeah see you then babes, and take car of yourself” I said as the door closed and the driver began to pull away.

The next few days dragged I kept in touch with Eddie by phone, I was not really avoiding him but I knew that as a family they had much to sort out and I did not want to be in the way and although no one had remotely read me on Saturday I wanted it to stay that way. Wednesday finally arrived and I rose early to get ready for what I was sure would be a long day.
After a shower and a light breakfast I began to get ready for the funeral, my shrinking manhood taped away I stepped into a pair of silky white panties a matching white bra encased my chest before I put my dressing gown back on and sat down to do my face. I looked in the mirror at the canvas before me; the electrolysis that I had undergone had left me with a lovely smooth soft complexion. Foundation and powder completed I coloured my eyelids with an ashy grey crá¨me eyeshadow and then lengthened my eye lashes with a thick black mascara. Twisting my lipstick tube a deep red lipstick appeared which I applied to my lips evenly.

Rising from the dresser I moved to my wardrobe and selected a plain black skirt around knee length and a white top to wear, the top was sleeveless and ran straight across my back just above the shoulder blades the top was completed by a wide strip which ran up from the front and had a round collar which fastened at the back of the neck by small metal studs.

After slipping on the top and skirt I grabbed a pair of black leather 3 ½ inch heels from the wardrobe and stepped into them, lifting a black tailored jacket from the wardrobe I pulled it on walking back to the dresser I combed out my hair attaching a small pair of single diamond stud earring’s to my ears and picking my gold watch an a black leather clutch bag and small pillbox black hat with a black net veil hanging from the front.I stood up and walked towards the door. Downstairs I found my mother dressed in a simple black dress and jacket.

“You Ok” she asked as I walked in “Yeah I’m fine” I replied “Just wish it was all over” “Yeah me too” she said. Silence descended as we sat together and waited for the taxi to arrive.

Thirty minutes later we were pulling up at the funeral parlour, a group of people stood around outside as we stepped out of the car and walked towards the steps. Mounting the steps we passed them mutual head nods greeted our arrival as we walked past and stepped inside. Inside we slid into a vacant wooden pew and sat down awaiting the arrival of the family and the other mourners. I looked around recognising a couple of the people that had been at Eddie’s house earlier that week as the numbers of mourners grew. Minutes later the organ burst into life and the assembled group rose. The door opened and a each oak panelled coffin was carried in and placed at the front a tear’s forming in my eye’s I took out a tissue from my bag and lifting the veil of my hat from the front of my face I lightly dabbed the corner of my eyes. Soon the family followed behind Eddie looking pale and drawn his brother much the same as they and the other family members made there way to the front of the funeral parlour.

Forty minutes later the service was all over and we all filed outside the building behind the heavy oak coffins. I glanced over at Eddie who weakly smiled in my direction as he stepped into the funeral car.

We grabbed a lift with another mourner and our car fell into line as the funeral procession set off. Once at the graveyard we all huddled around in a circle as the minister conducted his ceremony and the bodies were lowered into the ground.

Sobs of grief could be heard all around as each person stepped forward and dropped either earth or a flower into the grave. The crowds began to disperse as Eddie walked towards me.

“How you doing darling” I asked as he planted a soft kiss on my cheek

“Ok I guess, see you back at the house” he asked gripping and squeezing my hand.

“Yes see you soon” I said as he turned and moved towards the car. My mother slipped her arm around me and we walked towards the car that had given us a lift to the cemetery. Arriving back at Eddies’s house several people milled around outside talking we thanked our fellow mourner for the lift and went inside.

The house was busy with mourners milling around chatting over the unfortunate circumstances and how the day had been in general. You know the usual stuff wasn’t it a nice service, weren’t the flower’s lovely the usual idle chit chat the people make at occasions like these.

Mom and I made our way to the kitchen to help out. Inside we found Eddie’s Aunt Lillian who I had met earlier that week and another lady busily preparing drinks and snacks for the guests.

“Can we help” my mother asked.

“Sure you can” Lillian replied.

“How are you Nikki” she asked.

“Fine” I said.

“This is Nikki, Eddie’s fiancée” she said turning towards the other lady in the kitchen,

“Oh your Nikki” she said turning towards me “I’m Clare, I went to school with Eddie’s mum, she talked so much about you, she was so happy you and Eddie were together” she said as she walked towards me and opening her arms hugged me to her chest.

“Thanks, eh this is my Mum Carol” I mumbled as we broke the embrace.

The three women exchanged greetings with each other like they had known each other for ever. “Here you can help me with the coffee and sandwiches” she said as my mother and Lillian paired off to work at another worktop. We busily made up some sandwiches and a large pot of coffee before going back out into the assembled throng to pass out the fruits of our labour.

A couple of hours later and a steady stream of cars and taxi’s arrived and left as mourners began to make their way home. We had finished washing up and were still in the kitchen, “Let’s grab a ciggie” I said to my mother as we slipped outside on to the decking at the back of the kitchen. Light was beginning to fail as we sat at down at the wooden summer seat and lit up.

“It’s been a sad day” my mother said blowing a cloud of smoke into the air.

“Yeah I so sorry for Eddie” I replied.

“I’ll need to get back soon for Robert what are you going to do” she asked.

“Oh I might stay on a bit, grab some time with Eddie I’ve hardly seen him all day” I replied.

“Ok” she said, at that the door from the patio windows slid open and Eddie stepped outside and walked towards us, my mother stood and crushed out the remains of her cigarette.

“She you later” she said walking back towards the house stopping to hug Eddie and plant a kiss on his cheek and exchange some final words of condolence.

As Eddie approached I took a final drag from my cigarette and crushed it out in the ashtray as he slipped on the seat beside me.

“Hi babes” he said as he slipped his arm around my waist and kissed my cheek.

“How are you bearing up” I asked,

“Ok I’m still numb I think, It’s not really sunk in yet” he replied.

“I really am so sorry darling” I said taking his hand and squeezing it gently as I nuzzled into his neck. He pulled me closer and kissed my forehead as we sat together.

“Look I wanted to ask you something” he said.

“What is it” I asked as I looked up into his eyes.

“Eh would you stay tonight, I need you here with me I need someone with me” he repeated as a tear began to run from the corner of his eye.

Tears began to well in my eyes to as I said “Sure I’ll stay with you babe, you know that were going to be together for ever” I said as I placed my mouth on his and gently kissed him, “Thanks, I just could not bear thinking of being here alone tonight” he said, taking my hand he gently pulled me to my feet and we walked back towards the house.

As we stepped inside I asked “Is your brother not staying tonight, Eddie”

“No he’s gone back to his boyfriends, Lillian is but she’s gone over to a friends and will be back later, but I really appreciate you staying over” he said.

“Won’t she mind me being here when she gets back” I enquired.

“No I said to her earlier that I was going to ask you to stay and she was ok with it”

“Fine well I need a change of clothes I’ll just go and phone mum and get her to send some over” going back inside I picked up the phone and called my mother 45 mins later the door bell rang and as a taxi driver delivered a holdall filled with fresh clothes.

“I’m just going upstairs to change” I called to Eddie. “

“Ok babes I’ll make us a drink for when you come down” he called back as I climbed the stairs. Entering Eddies mum and dads bedroom felt spooky, I moved quickly into the en-suite bathroom and striped of the clothes I had been wearing to the funeral today. I opened the bag and had a look at what my mum had sent over grabbing a knee length white denim skirt I slipped it round my waist the skirt buttoned all the way up the front so fastening each button I secured it to my body before taking out a royal blue blouse and putting it on. Tucking it in to the skirt I brushed out my hair and freshened up my make up, finally taking out a pair of 3 inch white heels my mother had sent over I slipped them on and packed away my other clothes, leaving the bedroom I turned out the light and walked to Eddie’s room placing my bag on the floor inside I headed back downstairs.

“You look lovely honey” Eddie said as I stepped into the room and he handed me a glass of white wine. Taking my bag from the table I took out a cigarette and lit it before sitting down beside Eddie and snuggling in to his side.

“It will get easier in time babes” I said gently kissing his cheek

“I know but I’m really going to miss them”,

“So will I your mom treated me like a daughter “I said

“Well that’s what you were going to be” he replied “Eh I guess” I said as I looked up at Eddie and he planted a kiss on my lips.

We sat in silence for a while both of us in our own thoughts about the today the past and I guess what the future held for both of us. All too soon Eddies Aunt arrived back and we busied ourselves making her a light snack before we all sat around chatting for a couple of hours,

“It’s been a long day darling’s” she announced just after 10pm “I’m going to go to bed, I’ll see you in the morning” she said as she rose and headed for the door Eddie stood and kissed her on the cheek and as I stood up she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek before leaving us together.

“You want to turn in as well” I asked.

“No let’s have another glass of wine and then well go up”

I still was not sure what sleeping arrangements Eddie had in mind for tonight as there was another two bedrooms upstairs and although we had had oral sex but nothing else had happened between us. We had slept together on holiday but I had tried to avoid sex as I really wanted to be Nikki for real before we went that far.

I lit a cigarette as Eddie poured another glass of wine for us, lifting the glasses he returned and placing them on the coffee table and sat on the settee beside me. Silence descended as we sat close together each staring into space lost in our own thoughts. Sipping the some of my wine and crushing out the cigarette I snuggled closer to Eddie and looked up at his strained face.

“What you thinking about” I asked.

“Oh just thing’s, what happens now. It’s strange being on your own” he said.

“You’re not though I’m here and you have your brother” I said reaching up and stroking his cheek with the back of my fingers.

“Yeah sorry I didn’t mean it that way, just Mom and Dad gone it seems so strange”

“It’ll get easier in time” I said

“I know” he said pushing some hair that had fallen over my face away he leaned forward and our lips met, my mouth opened accepting his tongue in as it probed around my tongue greeting his as the kiss intensified. I switched my position settling further back in the settee and pulling him towards me as the kissing became more frantic. He broke the kiss and leaned forward further nuzzling into my neck his lips gently kissing my neck the electricity of the moment shooting through my body as his gentle kisses sent me into bliss.

I could feel his erection pressing against my leg as my hand massaged his buttock and pulled him tighter to me. Breaking off he said “Let’s go upstairs” he said standing and offering me his hand I took it and followed him flicking of the lights we headed upstairs and towards Eddies room.

Quietly opening the door we slipped inside the door shut behind me as Eddie moved forward and pressed my back to the door my left foot raising of the ground my heel flat against the door as we resumed our now passionate kissing. Eddie’s right hand moving over my breast massaging it I could feel my nipples harden at his touch. I broke the kiss “What about your Aunt” I said breathlessly.

“It’s ok she’ll be sound asleep by now she’s on sleeping tablets.”

“Good” I responded as we resumed our kiss as my hand began unbuttoning Eddie’s shirt my sliding inside and massaging his chest and moving over his nipples my long nails tweaking them as I continued to rub his chest. Tugging the shirt free from his trousers we began to edge towards the bed, as we did I kicked off my shoes and reached down to find the zip of Eddie’s trousers finding the metal tag I began to slowly pull it down as Eddie slid me back on to the bed my hand was finding it’s way inside his boxer shorts and slipping around his bone hard dick.

“You sure about this” he said “Couldn’t be more sure” I responded as my hand moved behind his neck and pulled his head forward to resume the kiss and my other hand cupped his balls in my hand and gently massaged them.

Eddies hands began to unbutton my blouse as I lay back on the bed pulling it from my skirt he opened it and his hands moved over both breast’s massaging and squeezing as I moaned in pleasure at his touch. Eddie eased down on top of me I could feel his penis prod my belly as our kissing continued. I slid his shirt from his shoulders pulling it down and over his wrists before tossing it on the floor. Eddie found the catch to my skirt and undid it before sliding down the zip and I lifted my hips of the bed as he pulled it down and threw it to the other side of the bed, while I took off my blouse and loosening the catch of my bra I slipped it off and threw both items in the same direction.

Our bodies merged skin to skin my nipples hardening as Eddie gently and lovingly kissed my neck as I arched my head backwards and moaned at his touch. My hand eased down his boxers and an erect cock sprang out poking my leg as I freed it from its cotton prison.

As he eased upward I wiggled under him and turned to offer him my rear. Slowly massaging my shoulders and kissing my neck he moved forward and his penis passed between my legs at that moment I yearned for the vagina that in the future would be there for him. He moved back and reached over to the drawer.

“I don’t want to hurt you so I got this to ease the passage” he said taking a jar off lubricant and a condom from the drawer he opened it and massaged some on his fingers before moving them forward and entering my anal passage, I flinched slightly before relaxing and allowing his fingers to move freely and spread the lubrication.

Satisfied that he had supplied enough he tore open the condom bag and took it out, “Don’t use it” I said “ I want to feel your cum inside me” as I peered back over my shoulder. He dropped it on the bed and moved forward his cock gently probing at the entrance before edging slowly inside me, I relaxed my muscles as much as possible, at that moment the rape by William flashed into my mind but left almost as quickly this act was something entirely different this was a consensual act by two people in love and not a forced action.

By the time my mind was clear Eddie was fully inside me and gently moving back and forward I found myself moving back to meet his mild thrusts. As the pace increased slightly several moans escaped my lips “Oh Eddie I love you so much” I could hear myself say.

“I love you too darling” he said in a gasping tone as I realised that he was nearing climax I continued my movements back to meet him and within minutes his cum exploded deep inside me as a moan of satisfaction escaped his lips.

As he removed his penis from my rear I could feel some cum trickle from my passage. We lay in each others arms silent and just holding each other in what seemed like minutes I recognised that Eddie’s breathing had changed.

“You asleep darling” I asked there was no response I placed my head back on his shoulder and minutes later I had followed into a land of sweet dreams as well.

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To Be Continued...