Easy As Crawling On The Mat.
by, Bonzi Angharad-warmer.
part: 306

We arrived at the crematorium and parked up, thankfully it wasn't too far to walk in the heels. Simon held his arm for me and I took it gladly. I was beginning to appreciate the ordeal that was about to happen, I was saying goodbye to my father. I hoped my aunt didn't play up, but that was not a concern for the moment, she may not even arrive so I'd worry about it when it happened.

Stella and Tom walked quietly behind us, the only noise being that of our heels clicking as we walked. It felt really strange. I squeezed Simon's arm and he put his arm around me. I was glad of the warmth.

We entered the waiting area and I was pleased to see the funeral director there, he gently shook my hand and then Simon's, I introduced Stella and Tom.

"Your aunt is in the loo at the moment, your uncle is in the waiting room."

"Shall we pop to the loo?" suggested Stella.

Nervously, I agreed, maybe we could do this quietly. Simon went into the waiting room to speak with my uncle. The loo had two or three cubicles and we waited for the only engaged one to open.

Out walked my aunt, she looked much the same as I remembered her, only fatter, greyer and more wrinkled. She washed her hands.

"Auntie Doreen?" I said.

She turned around and looked at Stella then me. "Do I know you?"

"It's Cathy, your niece," I said and smiled at her.

She looked at me then at Stella, then at me again. "Charlie?" she said quietly, as if in disbelief.

"No Auntie Do, it's Cathy now, all legal and so forth."

"Cathy?"

"Yes, Catherine Cameron nee Watts. This is Stella, Lady Cameron, my sister in law."

"But you look like a woman."

"I am a woman."

"But you were a boy, I saw you."

"Mistakes can be made at birth," offered Stella, it was poppycock but Aunt Do didn't know it, "I'm a nurse specialist in genito-urinary medicine, and we see the odd one every now and again who has been wrongly assigned at birth."

"But you're a girl!" said Auntie Do, her stare showing she was in a state of shock.

"Yes, I am a girl, I really am."

"Nice suit," she said just before she fainted.

Stella and I caught her as her legs buckled, and we let ler lie gently on the floor.

"You'd better go Cathy, I'll look after her."

I felt so guilty, "Are you sure?"

"Course I am, now go on, you know they can't disrupt the schedule."

I patted her on the shoulder and went out to the waiting area, "Uncle Arthur, Auntie Do has fainted in the loo, my sister in law, who's a nurse, is looking after her.

"I can't go in there, can I?"

Not unless you do the same as I did, I thought to myself, "Not really, but you could wait outside, I'll let them know you're there." I nipped back to the toilets and informed Stella, Doreen was sitting up looking grey and confused.

The funeral director came and got me, "We have to go in, are you ready?"

We followed the coffin which was carried by six men and laid on the plinth from which it would descend to the fires. I walked like an automaton to the front and sat with Simon alongside me. I knew there were stares and whispers but I didn't care, for now my only feeling was grief.

I clutched my hankie and dabbed at my glistening eyes and runny nose. I don't remember the service except Simon's reading, which was splendid, then he came back and put his arm around me and I just wanted to sit there and cry whilst he held me. I didn't because I couldn't, I had to stay strong.

The committal happened and we were led out first to deal with our grief for a couple of minutes, tears were streaming from my eyes as we stumbled out of the chapel and out into the air. The sun was shining and the birds were singing but I felt empty and in pain.

We were lined up with the priest and the funeral director who collected donations, informed people about the buffet and how to get to it. I shook hands and thanked people for coming. I was on autopilot and don't recall anything much. I expect there were more stares and whispers but I was oblivious to them and quite frankly, I didn't care.

Stella came over a little while later to tell us that Arthur took Do home as she wasn't at all well. Stella said she had apologised for me, as being unable to speak with my uncle, but he understood that as chief mourner, I had other demands on my time.

We arrived at the buffet, but I'm not sure how we got there. I drank tea and that was all, I ate nothing. Finally, we saw the stragglers off and after thanking the pub staff, we went home. Simon put me to bed with Stella's help. I slept almost instantly, feeling completely drained; Stella stripped down to her undies and slept alongside me. Tom and Simon drank a few Guinness and then crashed out on the two sofas in the lounge.

The next morning, I woke up late. Stella was pottering about in jeans and sweatshirt. It was ten o'clock and I must have slept for at least twelve hours.

She brought me a drink of tea, "Come on, Sleeping Beauty, or I'll send Prince Charming up."

I accepted the tea and she sat with hers on the bed, "Better?"

"Hmmm," I said, "Much better."

"It's all over now, and your aunt didn't make a scene."

"Only because you kept her quiet in the loo."

"She spent half the service with her head down the pan calling for Hughie, whoever he is."

We both chuckled at that.

"Did I frighten her that much?"

"No I think it was the possibility that you, a misfit who should be beneath her feet, had jumped the social ladder by several levels and held a superior position to her. Then the fact that you looked the part, rather than some bloke in drag, completely fazed her and off she went."

"Do you think she believed any of the bull you told her?"

"What I said was all true, you are as female as anyone I know, just because you can't reproduce doesn't mean you're any less female."

"Yeah, I suppose so but you know, I still feel inferior to you and other biological women."

"Well don't because womanhood happens between the ears and you have a female brain up there kiddo."

"How do you know?"

"I've seen you do the ultimate test."

"What sleeping with Simon?"

"Don't be stupid girl, that's just an act of self sacrifice."

"What! No it isn't, I love him."

"So you're a crazy brother fu...erm!"

"What was this ultimate test?" I asked rather puzzled by it.

"I've seen you shopping girl, and no man shops like you!"