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A Blank Page
Chapter 17
By Flummox

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A knock came on the door.

“Come in! It’s open!” Rayne called. She dug frantically through the pile of clothes on her bed, tossing another article of clothing to the side. Nope. Nope. That one wouldn’t do.

Evalyn walked in, “Is, uh, is everything okay Rayne?” She asked hesitantly as she watched her frantic sister.

“No.” Rayne replied, not even looking up. Her entire wardrobe was sprawled out across her bed. “Nothing’s okay. I need to find something else to wear.”

“Okay.” Evalyn said, walking over to take her sister’s hands in hers. “Calm down. What’s wrong with what your wearing?”

Rayne bit her lip and looked down at her outfit. She was wearing a teal skirt that came down to her ankles, with a blue denim blouse. She actually really liked the outfit.

“N- nothing’s wrong with it.” She said hesitantly, “It’s just not right. Maybe I should wear that skirt you got me when we first went out together.”

Evalyn raised her eyebrows skeptically, “The mini-skirt? The mere thought of wearing that has always horrified you. You haven’t even worn the knee length skirt me and Mom got you last weekend. What changed?”

Rayne dragged her hands down her face, stretching open her eyes and squishing her mouth. Distorting her face into what was clearly a comical image based on Evalyn’s giggles.

“You’re right.” She moaned, “I can’t wear that.”

“Just calm down.” Evalyn said, “and tell me what’s wrong.”

Rayne sighed heavily. “Eva, this doctor is a gender specialist.”

“Yeeeeaaah.” Evalyn drawled, pressing for her to continue.

“He’s the one who’s gonna decide my future!” She said anxiously.

“Rayne, don’t you think you’re overreacting again?” Evalyn asked calmly.

“No!” Rayne cried. “Eva, what if- what if he doesn’t think-”

She stopped, and looked down at her feet.

“Doesn’t think what?” Evalyn prompted gently.

“What if he doesn’t think I’m… girly enough?” She whispered uncertainly.

Her head snapped up at the sound of her sister giggling.

“Eva!” She groaned.

“Come on, Rayne.” Her sister said dramatically, “You’re girlyer than I am.”

Rayne looked at her skeptically. “You’re just trying to make me feel better. Like always. And ‘girlyer’ isn’t a real word.”

Evalyn giggled and took her by the shoulders. “Rayne. You know I’m not one to lie to make you feel better. So, believe me when I say that you are plenty girly, in fact, you are the picture of a delicate flower.”

“I am NOT delicate.” Rayne denied.

Rayne whipped around to the sound of laughter behind her. Sebastian was standing there, a huge grin on his face.

Rayne sighed and tilted her head, “What?” she asked.

“I was just listening in.” He began, “Evalyn has a point about you being girly. Evalyn rarely wears dresses. You wear them more the anything else. And you’re right Rayne. You’re not delicate.”

Rayne turned to look at Evalyn, “See?” She asked smugly, “Seb knows what’s up.”

“Yeah.” Sebastian continued, “I wouldn’t say delicate. I think ‘fragile’ is more accurate.”

Rayne whipped around, jaw dropping. Evalyn started howling behind her. Sebastian just grinned.

“You guys are sooooo mean.” Rayne pouted. Sebastian just laughed and pulled her into a hug.

“Come on Sis’,” he said, “You know we’re only teasing.”

“I know.” She said, squeezing him back.

“Speak for yourself, Seb.” Evalyn chipped in, walking over to stand next to them. “She sure does cry a lot.”

Sebastian reached over and pushed her, causing Evalyn to fall into the pile of clothes on Rayne’s bed. Evalyn squeaked, and it was Rayne’s turn to laugh. Sebastian joined her, Evalyn following soon after.

“If you kids are done goofing off,” Catalina said from the door, catching their collective attention, “Your little sister, father, and I need to hit the road. You ready Rayne?”

Confidence reclaimed, Rayne nodded. “Yeah Mom. I’m good to go.”

Evalyn and Sebastian followed them to the door. “I still don’t understand why we can’t come.” Evalyn pouted as Rayne and their parents put on their shoes and coats.

“Then it’s a good thing you don’t need to understand.” Jameson said as he opened the doors.

Catalina rolled her eyes and laughed, “If we all go the room will be very crowded.” She explained.

“We could wait outside!” Evalyn countered.

“We want to talk to the family without any pesky kids.” Jameson said, “If Rayne doesn’t want to be there, then you don’t need to be there.”

“You want to talk without any kids?” Sebastian asked, “Won’t our cousins be there?”

“The difference is that they’re not pesky.” Jameson asked, a small grin on his face.

Evalyn rolled her eyes, Sebastian just looked at him and tilted his head skeptically.

Jameson chuckled, “Your cousins don’t know yet, and they need to know just as much as the rest of the family. Now we need to get going, or we’re going to be late.”

Sebastian nodded, Evalyn huffed and crossed her arms. Rayne giggled and threw her arms around them both. “Thanks for calming me down and making me feel better.” She whispered.

“No problem.” Evalyn replied.

Rayne released them and walked for the door. As the door closed behind her, she heard Evalyn call out.

“See ya tonight flower!”
 

~o~O~o~
 
She was sitting in a waiting room. Heart thundering in her ears. The drive was much too short. It was a two-hour drive, but somehow that was still much, much too short. She wasn’t ready for this. She needed to be ready for this, but she wasn’t ready for this. The man who would decide whether she got to exist or not was though those doors. Her parents – now seated on either side of her – had tried to talk to her, to get her to relax throughout the whole drive. She had barely heard a word they said. Now they were in this bloody waiting room. Other people sat all around them. There weren’t many of them, but the room felt crowded. So crowded.

Her Mom took Rayne’s hand in hers. She squeezed it reassuringly. Rayne smiled at her, trying to look reassured. She wasn’t.

The door to the doctor’s office opened. An older man stepped out, followed by someone else. Rayne barely even registered the other person’s presence. She was focused on the doctor, grey hair ringed a mostly bald head. He was hunched over slightly, and had a pair of glasses perched on his nose.

“Thanks doctor,” The whoever said, “I’m feeling much better.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” The doctor replied. The whoever left, and the doctor picked up a clipboard from a nearby counter. He grabbed a pair of glasses from where they hung around his neck and put them on. He looked down at the clip board.

“Raymond Danahy.” He read aloud. He looked up at the assortment of people present.

Her parents stood up immediately. She didn’t. It was the wrong name. She was Rayne. If she stood up now it would be like she was screaming to everyone in the room, “I’m fake! I’m not a real girl!” She bit her trembling lip. Her parents had turned back to look at her now. The doctor was looking at her too. Tears were welling in her eyes.

“Oh! My apologies.” The doctor announced with a start.

“The secretary clearly made a mistake, and mixed up some names. Understandable really, she was eager for the weekend.” He rambled loudly as he walked over to their family. “Since it clearly states the patient is a 14-year-old girl, then you must be Raymond,” He said, walking over to shake hands with Jameson, “I’m Dr. Mathews, but please, call me Bill. And your daughter’s name is?”

Jameson blinked in initial confusion, but quickly caught on to what the doctor was doing. By pretending a mistake had been made, he might be able to alleviate Rayne’s fears. He shook the doctor’s hand. “Yes, this is my daughter, Rayne, and my wife, Catalina.”

The doctor nodded and turned to shake hands with Rayne, “It’s good to meet you Rayne, shall we continue inside my office?”

Rayne shook his hand and nodded. She could breathe again. She stood up and followed the doctor into his room.

Once the door was safely closed behind them, the doctor immediately turned to her, “I am so sorry for that slip up. I wasn’t sure who to expect and was only given one name.”

Rayne smiled, “It- it’s okay. How did you catch on so fast?”

He chuckled, “Well, I knew you were 14, and your parents stood immediately. After that, well, it didn’t take a psychologist to understand your expression.”

“Thanks for the quick-thinking Doc.” Jameson said, “Got us out of a pickle.”

Dr. Mathews nodded, “It was the least I could do, considering I was the cause of the pickle. Although I would love to hear your real name.” He offered another handshake.

Jameson accepted the handshake and chuckled. “My real name is Jameson.”

Dr. Mathews smiled and bowed his head slightly, “It’s good to meet you for real.”

Rayne was busy looking around the room. She was expecting it to be like the psychologists in the movies and TV, with a long couch for the patient and a chair for the doctor. There was a couch, but there were also several chairs of different types, a desk, and a few shelves filled with books – books ranging from textbooks to children’s picture books. Mounted on the wall were several framed certificates, clearly memento’s and proof of the doctors schooling. Off to the side there was a mini-fridge and two kettles on a counter. Rayne turned back to the adults to find them all watching her. She chewed on her lip, suddenly self conscious.

“Where do you think you would be most comfortable, Rayne?” The doctor asked.

“Aren’t I supposed to lie on the couch?” She asked hesitantly, still thinking of the movies.

“You certainly can,” Dr. Mathews replied, “But I would much prefer you sit wherever you’ll be comfortable. If that’s the couch, that’s fine. If you’d rather we all sit in chairs, that’s fine too. We could even sit on the floor.”

Rayne smiled, “What if I wanted to sit behind your desk?”

He smiled warmly, “I’d even pull out the chair for you, although I’d request you didn’t start going through my drawers.”

She giggled. “The couch will be fine doctor.”

He nodded, and the group walked over to the large couch. Rayne and her parents could all sit on it together comfortably.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” He offered as they got settled.

“Um, what do you have?” Rayne asked.

“I try to keep just about everything on hand.” He replied, “Coffee, tea, juice, milk, hot chocolate, water, some soda but not a lot.”

Rayne nodded thoughtfully. “Um, maybe a hot chocolate?”

“Of course.” Dr. Mathews replied, “Jameson? Catalina?”

“Tea for me please.” Catalina asked politely.

“I’ll take a coffee doc.” Jameson replied in turn.

Dr. Mathews received Catalina’s preference for tea and asked how Jameson took his coffee before stepping away to get the drinks brewing. Rayne watched him move about the room. She slowly relaxed, it seemed like everything about the room was meant to put people at ease. It was probably intentional, she realized, as people were more likely to open up if they were comfortable in their surroundings. A room with a homey atmosphere contributed to that better than a bright appointment room with medical diagrams everywhere.

The doctor returned with a tray of drinks. He sat it down on the coffee table in front of the couch, and took a seat in the armchair opposite.

“Shall we begin?” He asked gently.

Rayne nodded hesitantly, “Um, wh- where do we begin?”

“Well,” He said slowly, “We can begin wherever you feel comfortable.”

Rayne bit her lip and looked away.

“Do you like games, Rayne?” The doctor asked after a moment, drawing her eyes back to his own.

She nodded hesitantly.

“Then why don’t we make a game out of this?” He suggested.

She just looked at him.

“It’s simple, we take turns. You ask me a question, I’ll answer, then I’ll ask you a question. How does that sound?”

Rayne nodded. She could do that. She would be able to learn more about this gatekeeper too.

“Who goes first?” She asked.

He smiled and gestured to her with an open hand, “Be my guest.”

She rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Why did you become a psychologist?” She asked after a moment.

“When I was a young man,” Dr. Matthews began, “I had a fascination with the human mind. With what makes us tick. That was why I first became a psychologist, but my motivations have changed significantly since then.

“Okay,” Rayne nodded, “Then I guess it’s your turn.”

“What do you like to do for fun, Rayne?”

She furrowed her brow. That wasn’t the kind of question she was expecting. She was expecting him to ask her much more personal questions. Psychobabble questions.

“I, um, I like to read and play video games.” She replied after a moment of thought, “I love to draw and paint, and I love spending time with my family.”

The doctor nodded, “Your turn.”

“You said your motivations changed. What are they now?” She asked.

“Now I just want to help people. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Rayne nodded.

“What kind of books do you like to read?”

“I love fantasy the most, but I like lots of different genres. Mostly fiction though.” She answered before diving into her next question, not fully satisfied with his last answer. “What caused your motivation to change?”

“My study of the human mind brought me in touch with some very tortured individuals.” He explained, “My passion for learning slowly shifted to helping these people learn about themselves, and to grow and heal. Do you enjoy school?”

“School’s okay. I love to learn, it’s the people there I don’t really care for. Ms. Reid told me you helped a lot of transgender people before. Is that true?”

“I would like to think so. To really have an answer for that you would need to ask them yourself. What’s wrong with the people at school?”

Rayne scrunched up her face, “Some of them are okay, but a lot of them can be really mean. Other’s have tried to be my friend just to get in my big brother and big sister’s good books – Seb and Eva are both really popular. Raymond doesn’t have many friends there.”

“I understand.” Dr. Mathews said gently, “Kids can be cruel, can’t they?”

Rayne nodded and looked up from where her gaze had fallen to the floor. “Ms. Reid also said you try especially hard to help transgender youth. Why?”

Dr. Mathews’ eyes filled with sadness. “My wife and I. We had a son. A beautiful son. We raised him as best we could, but I – with all my education – couldn’t help him. He was assigned female at birth, and exhibited all the signs of gender dysphoria from an early age, but I- I didn’t see them. I didn’t realize what they were until it was too late. He killed himself when he was 16.”

Bill Mathews closed his eyes and took a deep shaky breath.

“It was after that that I swore – Swore! That no other child – boy or girl – would go through that because of my ignorance. That I would do everything I could to become an ally and a voice for transgender youth everywhere. I re-educated myself. Went back to school. Changed my specialty. It’s been my life focus ever since. I’ve devoted my life to this mission.”

Rayne was speechless. She never would have fathomed his true motivation could run so deep, and be so personal to him.

Dr. Mathews’ took another deep breath and slowly opened his eyes. He smiled gently.

“I’m sorry, even now, 20 years later, it still pains me to speak about it.”

Rayne shook her head slowly. “That’s nothing to apologize for. It’s completely understandable, it pained me just to hear about it. I’m so sorry you and your wife had to go through that.”

“Thank you for your kind words, Rayne.” Dr. Mathews’ replied, “Now, I believe it was my turn, yes?”

Rayne nodded.

“Do you ever have strong feelings of anxiety, Rayne?”

Anxiety? That came out of nowhere. All of his questions so far had felt like he was just trying to get to know her. He was a psychologist though, of course there would be some serious questions.

“Umm, y- yeah, I guess.” She mumbled nervously.

“You guess?” Dr. Mathews probed gently.

Rayne grimaced. “Fine, quite a bit. I feel like I’m worried or stressing out all the time. It’s especially bad if I’m the center of attention.”

Dr. Mathews nodded. Catalina took Rayne’s hand in hers and squeezed it reassuringly.

“Why does that matter though?” Rayne asked.

“It’s not healthy or normal for someone your age to be feeling that way.” Dr. Mathews explained, “Such feelings are often a marker of gender dysphoria.”

“O- Oh.” Rayne looked down at her feet.

“When do you NOT feel that way, Rayne?” The doctor asked.

Rayne chewed on her lip. “I feel like that all the time, but it’s not nearly as bad when I’m me.”

“You mean when you’re presenting as a girl?”

Rayne blushed and nodded.

Dr. Mathews nodded in turn.

“Uh, um, what are some other, uh, markers?” She asked hesitantly.

Dr. Mathews watched her for a long moment. He pursed his lips, and for a moment Rayne thought he wouldn’t answer, but then he spoke.

“Well, no two people are exactly the same. The human mind is very complex, but some common signs include loneliness, depression, isolation, disgust with one’s body, low self-esteem, and an increased risk of substance abuse amongst others. Does any of that sound familiar?”

Rayne’s jaw trembled. She gave a small nod before dropping her head into her hands. She felt her father rub her back reassuringly.

“It’s okay, Rayne.” Dr. Mathews said gently, “It might not seem like it now, but it’s okay. Things will get better. Now that we know what’s been troubling you, we can take steps to fix it. In fact, you already have.”

Rayne sniffed back the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her. “W- we have?”

Dr. Mathews nodded firmly. “Simply having the support of your family can have a huge positive impact.”

Rayne turned to look at her mother, then her father in turn. Her mother was openly crying, but what shocked Rayne more was the sight of tears in her father’s eyes. She had NEVER seen Jameson cry, not even when his best friend died a few years ago. The sight of it caused her own tears to finally spill over.

She flung herself into his embrace, and Catalina joined them a moment later. They spent a minute wrapped in each other’s love, before finally separating. Rayne turned back to the doctor, who was watching them with a small smile on his face. Rayne was initially embarrassed at the public display of affection, but was quickly distracted by the sound of her mother giggling. She turned to look at her, then followed Catalina’s gaze to her father. He was blushing brightly, and clearly trying to hide it. Sitting straight and avoiding eye contact by looking straight ahead, lips pressed tightly together.

Rayne burst into a fit of giggles, her own embarrassment forgotten. Jameson huffed and turned to glare haughtily at his wife and daughter. Finally, he smiled and rolled his eyes.

Collecting herself, Rayne turned back to the doctor.

“Shall we continue?” He asked warmly.

Rayne nodded. “So, what’s the next step?”

Dr. Mathews Raised his eyebrows, “The next step is to continue what you’ve been doing. Do your best in school, spend time with your family, spend time as Rayne, and come see me again. We’ll have a lot more to talk about in the future.”

Rayne pursed her lips.

Dr. Mathews smiled, “I know you’re impatient Rayne, but now is the time when patience is important. This can be a long, slow process.”

She sighed heavily. “Okay, I’ll try and be patient.”

Her apprehension and nerves forgotten, the rest of their session continued as an easy conversation. Dr. Mathews asked Rayne questions about her life, her experiences, how she was coping, and other questions. He suggested strategies for when she felt overwhelmed, and to deal with the anxiety and stress. Before she knew it, over an hour had passed.

“Now, I understand that it’s a bit of a drive for you to come see me,” The doctor said as they were standing to leave, “So I would recommend we only meet once every two weeks, but for a few hours. This is a journey that your whole family is going to be taking together, so if anyone else needs to talk, my services will be available.”

Jameson nodded, “We appreciate that. Next time we’ll bring Sebastian and Evalyn as well.”

Dr. Mathews nodded in agreement, “One last thing before we part, you may not be aware of this, but the Lakewood community center hosts an LGBTQ youth support group. They meet on the second and fourth Tuesday of every month. I believe it would be very good for Rayne to meet some other people her age whom she can talk to about what she’s going through.”

Rayne bit her lip. That sounded scary. Lakewood wasn’t a big town. It was almost guaranteed that someone from her school – maybe someone she knew – would be in that group. What if they told?

Dr. Mathews must have picked up on her nerves, because he was smiling at her reassuringly. “You don’t have to if you’re not comfortable with it, Rayne. But I honestly believe it would do you a lot of good. Just promise me you’ll think about it.”

She promised, and a moment later everyone was shaking hands and stepping out the doors. They walked out of the office and out to their vehicle in silence.

“Sooooooo,” Catalina began as they buckled up, “How do you feel?”

Rayne took a moment to gather her thoughts.

“I feel good. Really, really good.”

“Well that’s really, really good!” Jameson exclaimed.

“So, you’re taking me to Logan’s house now?” Rayne asked.

“That’s the plan,” Catalina confirmed, “Then, after dinner we’ll pick you up.”

The mention of dinner and the thought of her parents outing her to the rest of the family caused the very feeling of anxiety she had discussed with the doctor to come rushing back. What if they hated her? She had already seen how they reacted to transgender people in a documentary, and that was just a documentary! People they didn’t even know! Oh God, she had to convince her parents to stop! She had to-

No. The doctor had given her strategies to deal with exactly these thoughts.

Rayne closed her eyes and took a deep breath in through her nose. A deep, shaky, uneven breath, but a deep breath none the less. She exhaled through her mouth as she thought about the doctor’s advice.

Take deep breaths and count to ten.

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

6…

7…

8…

9…

10…

She opened her eyes to see both her mother and father staring at her. Concern clearly written on their faces.

“Are you okay sweetie?” Catalina asked.

Rayne took another deep breath and nodded slowly. “Yeah Mom. I’m good.”

She had felt like this before and she had gotten through it. She would again. Everything would work out. Maybe not for the best, but everything WOULD work out.

She closed her eyes and took another deep breath as her father pulled away from the curve.
 

~o~O~o~
 
“Are you sure they’ll be okay with this?” Rayne asked his parents as they walked up to Logan’s door. When they had met Logan’s mom Rayne had been Raymond. Now she was showing up as Rayne. What if they weren’t okay with it?

“Don’t get yourself all stressed out Rayne,” Jameson said lightheartedly, “We spoke with Logan first, got his parent’s views from him, then called his Mother and cleared it with her.”

“Okay I guess.” Rayne agreed. They were at the door now. With a deep breath, she reached up and pushed the doorbell.

The sound of a dog’s excited barking could be heard. Followed by a woman’s voice, slowly getting closer, “Oh shush! You go to your bed Grizz. Go to your bed! Good boy.”

The door opened, and Katelyn stood before them. Behind her, in what appeared to be the living room, a huge black dog could be seen sitting on the very edge of a dog bed. He sat with his neck craned as far towards them as possible. His mouth hung open goofily, tongue lolling out the side.

“Catalina! Jameson! So good to see you!” Katelyn greeted, “And I must say, you look very pretty Rayne.”

“Thank you.” Rayne mumbled quietly, blushing and looking at the big dog.

“It’s good to see you as well Katelyn.” Catalina said warmly.

“Thank you so much for doing this for us, and on such short notice.” Jameson said with a friendly smile.

“Pssshhh,” Katelyn said, waiving her hand, “It’s no trouble. In fact, it’s been a long time coming. I know how eager Logan’s been to get together with Rayne.”

“Come on in sweetie.” Katelyn continued, ushering Rayne in. She turned back to Rayne’s parents, “I won’t keep you, I know you have somewhere to be. What time can I expect you back? Maybe we can talk more then.”

“We’ll probably be leaving as soon as dinner finishes.” Jameson answered, “So, most likely around 7:00. 8:00 at the latest.”

“Sounds good.” Katelyn agreed.

“We’ll see you in a few hours princess.” Jameson said, giving Rayne a quick hug.

“Everything will be okay, you’ll see.” Catalina assured their daughter during their own embrace.

Her parents turned to leave, and Katelyn closed the door.

“Well, I believe Logan’s downstairs, but first,” She turned to where the big dog now stood. One paw on his bed, the rest of him leaning towards them, panting happily. “First I should introduce you to this big lug. Grizz! On your bed!”

The big dog looked at her, then turned to look at his bed, and his one paw standing on the very edge of it. He looked back to them, seemingly feigning innocence.

“Grizz.” Katelyn said sternly, placing her hands on her hips.

The big dog let out a shockingly human sounding moan before backing up to be fully on his bed.

“Good boy.” Katelyn said as she led Rayne over to the dog.

“Rayne, this is our puppy. Grizz.” Katelyn introduced.

“Puppy?” Rayne asked sceptically as she held out a fist for the dog to sniff.

After sniffing and licking her hand, Grizz immediately flopped onto his back, presenting his belly for pets.

Rayne and Katelyn giggled together.

“I’ll admit,” Katelyn began, as Rayne squatted down to scratch his belly, “He’s not quite a puppy anymore, but our grizzly bear still acts like one.”

As she rubbed his belly he let out a contented groaning noise, drawing more laughter from Rayne.

“So, before I send you down to join Logan,” Katelyn continued, “I just wanted to let you know that our family is completely supportive of you and your, um, situation.”

Rayne blushed and stood. “Th- thank you.”

Katelyn smiled, “You’re very courageous.”

Rayne looked down at Grizz. He seemed to be smiling at her.

“I’m really not that brave.” She said quietly, “In fact, I feel like I’m terrified and on the verge of breaking down almost all the time. Even now, the reason I’m here is because I’m too scared to face my family. I’m not brave, I’m just trying to be myself.”

Katelyn smiled sadly. “Well, Logan will be waiting for you.”

She turned and led Rayne down the hall and around a corner to a large staircase that spiraled both up above them, and down below. Grizz eagerly scampered down the stairs ahead of her, pausing halfway down to look back at her.

“Go on down.” Katelyn said before turning to return to whatever she had been doing.

Rayne followed Grizz down the stairs. The big dog loped ahead, leading her down a hall, then paused again to look back. When she caught up to him he ran to a door and nudged it open with his head.

“Oh, hoi dare ma grizzy bear.” Came Logan’s voice, distorted into a goofy tone.

Grizz began to rapidly look back and forth between the source of the voice, and Rayne approaching the door. He shook his whole body, as if impatient with Rayne. She giggled as she reached the door and stuck her head in.

“Hey Rayny!” Logan called out, a big smile on his face. “I haven’t been upstairs yet today, How’s the weather?”

Rayne laughed, “Some things never change. Hey Bunny.”

He joined in her laughter as Grizz ran back and forth between them.

Bunny sat in a comfortable looking computer chair, in front of a powerful looking pc. He turned back to what he had been playing as Rayne walked over to watch. She recognized the game as Starcraft 2, and Bunny was cleaning house.

“I’ll just be a moment to finish up.” He declared, rapidly entering commands into the keyboard with his left hand as his right operated the mouse. Rayne spent the time looking around the room. The computer desk sat opposite the doorway, to her left was a large television sitting in a huge entertainment unit that covered the entire wall. The shelves were filled with games from an assortment of systems, as well as the systems themselves – which spanned several eras. There was everything from the classic NES, to the newer systems such as the PS4 and Xbox One. In front of the television there was a long coffee table and a large fluffy sofa. She looked back to the computer just in time to see the word ‘Victory’ flash across the screen in bright blue letters.

Bunny quickly logged out of the game, and then in turn the computer itself. He swiveled in his seat to look at her. “Long time no talk! Where’ve ya been?”

It had really been just over a week since she last messaged him, but considering they usually talked every day, it did feel like a long time.

She sighed heavily, and rolled her eyes. “I’ve been grounded. No phone, no games, no internet except for school work. For a month.”

Bunny winced, “Ouch. What did you to deserve that?”

Rayne grimaced. “Forged my parent’s signatures and lied to them about where I had been going for a month.”

Bunny raised his eyebrows.

Rayne shrugged, “Yeah, I kinda deserved it.”

“I’ll say.” Bunny chuckled, “My parent’s have always said that as long as I kept my grades up and was straight up with them then I could have free reign.”

Rayne sat down on the couch. “I can’t argue with that. In hindsight, it seems ridiculous that I would ever lie to them. They’ve been so accepting about everything.”

“That’s awesome, Rayny.” Logan said sincerely, “I’m really happy for you.”

She smiled in thanks.

“Sooooo,” He began, “Are you Rayne full time now?”

She sighed again, “Oh, I wish. It’s not that simple though.”

He tilted his head, “Wanna talk ‘bout it?”

“I’ve, uh, kinda been talking about it all day.” She explained, “Don’t really wanna get back into it right now if that’s okay? Maybe another day?”

He smiled and nodded.

“Of course. Anytime you need to talk, just let me know.” He said, before quickly adding, “As long as it’s not about super girly girl stuff.”

Rayne laughed and reached over to punch his arm jokingly.

“I think I’ll have to kick your ass in some Smash Bros. for that!” She declared.

Logan looked at her in mock outrage, “Oh, you’re on girl!”
 

~o~O~o~
 
Catalina looked at her husband nervously. The family was sitting around the table, they had just finished dinner. Were they doing the right thing? The rest of the family needed to know. They couldn’t hide Rayne from them forever, especially now that she was growing more and more reluctant to present as Raymond. But what if they rejected her? Rayne would be heartbroken.

“Alright,” Grandpa Frank said, “Jameson, Catalina, you told us that you would tell us where the kids were at the dinner table right? So, lets hear it. Have they finally hit that age where they’re to cool to enjoy spending time with the family?” He smiled, signifying that he was just teasing.

Catalina forced herself to smile. She looked at her husband again. He smiled reassuringly.

“So, uh, do you remember a few weeks ago when we all watched that documentary with Evalyn?” Jameson asked hesitantly.

Jameson’s brother, Frank, furrowed his brow. “Yeah, that one about the weirdo boy who wanted to be a girl, right?” There were some nods, and a few chuckles from around the table. Only John frowned.

Catalina felt her temper flare. How could they be so callous? They didn’t know what Rayne was going through.

“She wasn’t a weirdo.” Catalina objected, keeping her voice level with effort, “She was transgendered.”

Frank Danahy Senior – Grandpa Frank – raised one eyebrow and looked at her, “Transgendered? You can’t be serious.” He scoffed, “He just wasn’t right in the head.” He shook his head in amusement.

“Frank.” Catalina said sharply, “You’re going to need to educate yourself. You all are.”

Her father-in-law looked at her like she’d grown a second head.

“What’s brought this on Catalina?” He asked her, clearly befuddled.

She took a deep breath and looked at her husband. He nodded and turned to look at his family.

“Mom, Dad,” He looked around, “Everyone. Raymond has come out to us as transgender. She’s going by Rayne now, and she’s going to need all of our support.”

The adults all wore shocked faces, except for John, who looked surprisingly unsurprised. The kids either didn’t understand or weren’t paying attention – with the exception of Mackenzie, who looked up from her phone in surprise.

Grandpa Frank snorted. “That’s ridiculous, that documentary we watched just put a silly idea in his head.”

“HER head. And No.” Catalina asserted. “It did NOT. In fact, it was actually the opposite.”

Now people’s faces were shifting from shock to confusion.

“Catalina, what do you mean it’s the opposite?” Olivia asked softly.

“The only person who knew about Rayne was Evalyn.” Catalina elaborated, “She wanted Rayne to tell us. But Rayne was to scared. Too scared of how we would react.”

She let that sit in the water for a moment.

“Evalyn convinced Rayne to have the whole family watch that documentary so that they could gauge our reactions in a safe way.” Catalina slowly looked at each of the adults in turn. “And we failed her. We reacted exactly how she feared we would.” Finally, she turned her eyes on her children’s grandfather. “Especially you Frank. She was so scared that she got sick.”

The room was dead quiet. The younger children didn’t understand what was happening, but they knew whatever it was, it was bad. Any trace of amusement on Frank Seniors face was gone. His expression was ice cold. Jameson squeezed her hand.

Finally, Frank took a deep breath. “This is ridiculous. Look, Raymond just needs to toughen up.”

Catalina opened her mouth to object, but Frank held up a hand to silence her.

“Here’s what’s going to happen.” Frank continued, “On Monday I’ll drive out to Lakewood and pick Raymond up. He can afford to miss one day of school. An old friend of mine is the foreman on a construction site on the edge of town. I’ll take Raymond out there, put him to work. Just something easy. Easy and safe. Show him what an honest day’s work looks like. He’ll even earn some money. Then, I’ll take him to the barber and we’ll shave off all that hair of his. Then we’ll swing by the school, get him out of art and into something practical. Like wood shop. Oh! And we’ll find a sports team for him! You two have just been too soft on the boy, but don’t worry, I’ll take care of this. I’ll man him up.”

He gave the two of them a warm smile. As if he was doing them a huge favor. As if they should be thankful. Show him gratitude. Catalina was aghast. Speechless.

“Loneliness. Isolation. Extreme anxiety. Increased risk of physical, verbal, and sexual abuse. Increased risk of substance abuse. Higher chances of inflicting self harm. Higher chances of seriously considering suicide.” Jameson was staring his father in the eye. Voice cold as ice. “And finally,” he continued, “A disproportionately high number – one third of all transgender youth, in fact – attempt suicide.”

He didn’t break eye contact. He was squeezing Catalina’s hand tightly.

“These are some statistics on transgender youth, Dad. And if there’s one thing that’s been proven, it’s that trying to ‘man him up’ to get the problem to go away will not help. It will make it worse. So, is that what you want, Dad? Do you want my daughter – Your Granddaughter – to try and kill herself?”

The silence was unearthly. A pin dropping would sound like the strike of a hammer.

Finally, Jameson continued, “Rayne didn’t come tonight because she could not bear to lie to you about who she was, but she was horrified at the thought of meeting most of you. Seb and Eva stayed home to support her. So, here’s what’s REALLY going to happen.” He said, matter-of-factly, “You don’t get to see Rayne. None of you do. For how long? I don’t know. Until you can be supportive, and love her for who she is. Not for who you want her to be. If that means you never see her again, then so be it. It will break her heart, but we will do whatever it takes to protect out little girl. You’ll still see me, Catalina, Seb, and Eva, but not quite as much, and maybe not all at the same time. It wouldn’t be right for us to leave Rayne alone to go see a family that’s disgusted by her existence.”

Catalina and Jameson took a long look at the family.

“B- but what about next weekend?” Olivia exclaimed, aghast, “It’s Thanksgiving. You can’t seriously plan on not coming. I already bought the turkey!”

“Are you serious?” Catalina scoffed, “After all this, thanksgiving is the first thing you think of? We’ll celebrate by ourselves. With our son and daughters. Who we are very, very thankful for.”

Jameson and Catalina shared a look, and stood to leave.

“We’ll be leaving now.” Catalina said, making an effort to keep her voice calm, “If any of you want to talk, call us. Not tonight though. Think about what we’ve said.”

As they prepared to leave Jonathan turned to Mackenzie, “I swear to God, if anything about your cousin get’s out, or ends up on social media I will snap your phone in half and ground you until you move out.”

She rolled her eyes. Jonathan grabbed her phone. “I’m serious Mackenzie. You could ruin Rayne’s life. You could kill her.”

She looked down at the table, “I won’t say anything Dad.”

Jameson and Catalina looked at each other. It hadn’t even occurred to them that Mackenzie might see this as just another piece of gossip. Thank goodness Jonathan did, and seemed to be on their side.

A thought struck Catalina. She turned back to the dinner table where the family remained in silence.

“Oh, by the way.” She started, “Rayne’s work is being featured in an art gallery next weekend. She’s one of only ten students out of hundreds in the greater Vancouver area to make it in. If any of you can get over yourselves by then, it would mean a lot to her to see you there. If and when we talk, we’ll decide if we can trust you with the details.”

They put on their jackets and shoes and headed out the door. No one saw them off. As they were getting into their vehicle Jonathan came running after them.

“Catalina! Jameson!” He called out. Catalina rolled down the passenger side window. Jonathan leaned against the door. “I just want to say, I’m in Rayne’s corner. I’ll make sure Mackenzie doesn’t say anything stupid, and I’ll talk to Lisa.”

“Thanks Johnathan.” Jameson sighed with relief. “It’s good to know Rayne has someone else in the family fighting for her.”

“Absolutely.” He agreed, “If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know. And at the very least, me and Lizzie will be at the gallery next weekend.”

After promising to talk in the coming days, they said their goodbyes and departed to pick up their daughter.
 

~o~O~o~
 
Rayne was curled up on one corner of the sofa in the games room, watching the movie. On her left Grizz was fast asleep, his head and one paw sprawled across her lap. Past him was Logan, and in an arm chair to her right, his father, Jack. She had met Jack for the first time that afternoon. About an hour after she arrived. He was a nice man, didn’t even mention her… situation. That was a very nice change. He just treated her like any other teenage girl. It was him who suggested a movie, and Rayne who had requested Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Logan had told her that it was the motivation for his screen name, and she had heard lots of people quote the movie, but she had never actually seen it. Upon hearing she had never seen it, Jack had feigned outrage. He had ordered a pizza for dinner, and demanded that they turn off whatever silly game they were playing that instant.

That’s where they were now. The movie was winding down, she had seen Logan’s acclaimed ‘killer bunny’ scene. She didn’t think it was as funny as he did, but she understood his screenname now. They were getting to the final battle. King Arthur had amassed a huge army and was getting ready to charge. If this was the lord of the rings than an epic battle would ensue. Somehow, Rayne doubted that would happen. She was not disappointed.

“Wait, what?” She asked as the credits began to roll, “That’s how it ends?! They get arrested by the police?!”

Jack was howling. Logan laughed and nodded. Rayne joined them.

“Alright, alright,” Jack said, calming down, “I got a text about half an hour ago from Kate. Your folks are here Rayne.” He announced.

“Oh!” She jumped up. Startling Grizz awake. He gave another of his all too human groans before flopping back down.

“Relax.” He said, holding up a hand. “They’re having tea, we were told we could take our time and finish the movie.”

She smiled and reached down to pet the big dog.

“Shall we clean up and head up?” Jack asked.

Logan nodded and the three of them collected the garbage, recycling, and dishes from their meal. Then, arms loaded, they headed up the stairs. They found Katelyn and Rayne’s parents sitting around the kitchen table. They were talking, but stopped as the three of them walked in.

Her parents introduced themselves and shook Jack’s hand.

“Hey princess.” Jameson greeted, finally turning to her, “You have fun?”

“Tons!” She exclaimed cheerfully. Then she paused and bit her lip, suddenly nervous, “So, uh, how did it go?”

Her parents shared a look. That told her what she needed to know. It didn’t go well. If it had gone well they wouldn’t be hesitant. They would just tell her the good news. Her lip trembled. They still weren’t saying anything. Really bad then.

“Th- that bad, huh?” She mumbled, heart plummeting though the floor.

Catalina gave a small nod, and Jameson sighed heavily. “It could have gone better, but it could have gone worse too. Your Uncle Jonathan is on your side, and he’s going to talk to your Aunt Lisa and Mackenzie. Then maybe Aunt Lisa can talk to your Uncle Frank, and your grandparents. The rest of the kids were too young to understand.”

Her Uncle Johnathan? That was it? No one else was on her side? She wasn’t even really related to her Uncle Johnathan. He had married into the family. She swallowed back the tears. She didn’t want to cry. Not in front of her friend. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. In through the nose, out though the mouth.

She would get though this.

She would get though this.

She opened her eyes. Everyone was staring at her.

“Are you okay sweetheart?” her mother asked.

She nodded. “I’m good Mom.” She almost managed to say it without hey voice wavering. Almost.

“So, uh, guess our thanksgiving plans are shot, hey?” She asked her parents, trying to change the topic and lighten the mood.

“We’ll celebrate with out ‘em.” Catalina declared with exaggerated peppiness.

“Thanksgiving?” Katelyn asked, “That’s still over a month away, surely there’s a chance things will calm down by then.

Both families stared at each other blankly.

Understanding dawned on Jack’s face a moment later.

“Of course, I totally forgot.” He turned to his wife to elaborate, “In Canada thanksgiving is celebrated earlier than back home.”

Realization dawned simultaneously on everyone else’s face.

Katelyn clicked her tongue, “Suddenly it makes sense why there were so many turkeys at the grocery store today.”

Rayne immediately turned to her parents, “If we’re celebrating at home, can Logan and his family join us for thanksgiving?!”

Catalina smiled and looked from Rayne to Jameson. She shrugged at her husband. He shrugged back.

“I don’t see why not.” Jameson declared, “How about it? Jack? Katelyn? Would the two of you and Logan care to join us for thanksgiving next Monday?”

“Oh, we wouldn’t want to impose.” Katelyn began.

“It wouldn’t be an imposition at all!” Rayne insisted, “It’s make it so much nicer, we usually have a big thanksgiving with the whole family, but this year…

She trailed off as the conversation drifted back to darker tidings.

Jack and Katelyn shared a look.

“We’d love to come.” Jack declared, “But only if you’re sure it wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

“If it was too much trouble we wouldn’t have offered!” Jameson declared jokingly.

Both families joined each other in laughter.

“We should hit the road.” Jameson announced once everyone had control of themselves. Catalina nodded.

“Yeah,” Rayne said quietly, thoughts still lingering on her family and their rejection, “I’m really tired.”

She turned to Logan and his family. “Thank you so much for having me. I had a really good time.”

“It was our pleasure young lady.” Katelyn gushed. “And it won’t be long before you two get together again.”

Rayne nodded in agreement.

“We’ll talk soon.” Logan promised as he walked them to the door.
 

~o~O~o~
 
“So?! How did it… go?” Evalyn attacked them as soon as they walked in. Her enthusiasm died, mid-sentence, when she saw Rayne’s distraught face.

Jameson wrapped his arm around Rayne’s shoulder and pulled her close.

“As well as could be expected really.” Catalina answered with a shrug.

Evalyn looked at their mother sceptically.

Rayne remained silent.

“So, by ‘as well as could be expected’ you mean it went poorly.” Sebastian said flatly from where he stood behind Evalyn.

Catalina frowned and nodded.

“Don’t worry about them, sweetie.” Jameson suggested, looking down at Rayne, “They’ll come around. It might take some of them a while, but they will come around.”

Rayne wasn’t so sure.

“Okay, well, how did the appointment with the doctor go then?” Evalyn asked, trying to change the subject to something that was hopefully less sensitive.

Rayne forced a smile.

“That, at least, went well.” Jameson declared.

“Very well I think, hmm?” He inquired, nudging Rayne.

“Yeah.” She said quietly, nodding almost imperceptibly. “I, uh, I’m really tired. Is it okay if I go to bed?”

“Of course, baby.” Catalina replied after a moment passed.

Rayne slipped from her father’s side, and ascended to her room. Once she was behind her locked door she sighed with relief. She did not want to talk. She did not want to be around anyone. She didn’t even want to think. She needed a distraction. She had told her family she was going to bed, but going to bed would leave her alone with her thoughts. She didn’t want to think. Thinking was scary right now. She sat down at her desk and pulled her sketchbook out of her bag. Drawing technically required thinking, but it was a different kind of thinking. A freeing kind. A kind that would allow her to escape, even if just for a while.

She stared at a blank page for a minute. What to draw? She glanced at her bookshelf. It was filled with both books and games. Nowhere near as many as Bunny’s collection. There were also some knickknacks. A picture of her whole family on her father’s side. The picture was taken just over a year ago. The family had gone on a big camping trip. Everyone was there, all her aunts and uncles, all her cousins.

Inspiration stuck.

An idea. An idea for a big piece. She chewed on the back of her pencil. If she did a draft tonight, and started the real thing tomorrow, could she finish it in time? She had a week until the art show. If she worked on it during all her free time, she might just make it.

Smiling, she took her pencil in hand, and set it to the paper.

---

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Aaaaaaaah!

Two late chapters in a row?! What is the world coming to?!

Welp. Not much I can do about it now.

Hey all, Flummox here.

I’ve been sick for the past week, hence this chapter’s lateness. So yeah. Sorry ‘bout that.

If you feel comfortable doing so, I’d love to hear from you, whether that’s in a comment or a message. I do my best to reply to everything.

I think I caught most of the errors, but please don't hesitate to point out any I missed.

Hope you’re all doing well, and thanks so much for taking the time to read.

Be well,

Flummox