To Complete The Circle (Rewrite) - Chapter 1

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This is one of the earlier transformation stories I wrote. I never did finish it. I have decided to rewrite it and see it through. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think.

The curtains had already gone up in flames before Emmanuel wakes up. He is panicking as the smoke swirls around him. The flames almost seem to be coming straight for him.
"Mom!" He yells. His lungs hurt. He coughs. "Mom" he tries to say again but this time, it is nothing more than a whisper.
The part of the large blanket that's touching the floor catches fire and he pushes it off him.
"Mom!"
"Emmanuel!" He hears from the other side of the door. He realises it's locked as the handle bar goes up and dow. Why is it locked?
He scurries out of bed and heads for the door. As he is getting closer, he is blown back unto the floor. The door shatters and his mum is standing there. She is burnt and she is bleeding.
"Emmanuel!" She shouts. He can't breath. She rushes up to him and grabs his wrist, pulling him to the door.
The lintel gives way and sends fire and ash to the floor. The exit is blocked.
She looks to the windows and then to her son realizing that the bars on the windows have them trapped. The ceiling isn't going to last much longer. She kneels in front of him
"My beautiful boy" she says as she runs a hand through his hair
"Mum?"
"You have to be brave now" she wipes sweat from his face and she starts crying.
"Mum, I'm scared"
She shakes her head "You'll be okay"
A bit of the ceiling breaks and falls beside them. She kisses his forehead.
"You'll be okay" she repeats as she hugs him. Her tears running down his neck.
"Mum, we have to go" she hears him say.
"You are destined for great things, Emmanuel. Never forget that"
She hugs him tighter and begins speaking in a foreign language he doesn't understand.
"Mum?"
She doesn't reply. She continues chanting.
"Mum, we have to go"
Emmanuel doesn't see his mum turn into light, covering his entire body.
He is standing in a white space. He is alone.
"I will always be with you, my beautiful boy" His mother's voice echoes as he falls unconscious.

"Happy Birthday, babe!" Susie says as she walks up to kiss her boyfriend.
"Hey" Emmanuel replies as their lips part.
"I didn't see you in class"
"Yeah I just wasn't feeling up to the French revolution"
"Well you didn't miss much" She says taking a seat beside him at lunch.
Emmanuel doesn't have that many friends. Susie is always trying to bring her new boyfriend into one of her groups but it never stuck. He's not a loner. He's good around people. He just doesn't feel right here.
"Still thinking about that box?" she asks.
"Yeah, I don't know what it is about that thing. It's hard to think of anything else."
"Maybe you should just open it and be done with it. You said it's only gotten worse?"
He nods. "I might as well do that when I get home. Are we still on for tonight?"
"Well yes but.." Susie put on her pleading face "I may have invited Joan and that guy she's been hanging out with"
"Seriously?" Emmanuel half-shouts "It was supposed to be just us"
"I know, I know, I'm sorry" The puppy dog eyes come on "But they needed a place they could get some privacy and it's such a big house, we won't even know they're there"
He takes a breath "I guess it's fine"
She shrieks and kisses him on the cheek. "I promise we'll have the best time. I might even give you that show you've been asking for"
He smiles "I'll hold you to that" he says as she gets up to go rejoin the cheerleaders.

"Look what I found, you guys" Emmanuel says as he rejoins the group. Susie, Joan and Mark sat in a circle in the living room talking about school.
"Is that..?" Mark begins but he's cut off.
"A Ouija board!" Joan exclaims. "We have to use it!" She stands to take it from Emmanuel.
"Was that in the box?" Susie asks as Joan places it on the coffee table.
He nods. "Along with a lot more junk"
"Have you guys learnt nothing from all those horror movies?" Mark says
"Don't be chicken, Mark. It's fine" Joan replies
Susie gestures for me to come sit beside her which I do. She scoots closer and cuddles.
"Yeah, famous last words" Mark chuckles.
Joan gives him a playful look before continuing.
"It's fine, really. My grandma taught me how to use it." Joan says excitedly.
"Your crazy grandmother?" Susie laughs
"She's a seer. Guys! Don't be dicks. It'll be fun"
"I'm in" I say
"Oh the party pooper finally wants to play" Susie retorts.
"There's one!" Joan says happily "Anyone else"
Susie looks at me and smiles "Well if my boyfriend is in, I'm in" she says to the group.
"Yay" Joan squeals. She turns to Mark.
"Fine" He gives in "I can't resist that face"

The four of them are kneeling around the rectangular table when Joan begins. The singular bulb that's still on gives the room a very eerie feeling.
"There are three important rules we must never break." She says "You must never play alone, in a cemetery and you must always say goodbye"
"Say goodbye to what exactly?" Mark asks.
"That's the point, you never know. Now shh" Joan replies.
She places her hand on the planchette.
"First we circle the board for each player" Joan says as she makes a small circle on the board four times.
"Then together we say" she continues "'as friends we gather, hearts are true"
"As friends we-" Joan begins but then stops when no one says anything.
She looks at the group briefly "Come on, it's important"
The three others look at each other before beginning.
"As friends we gather, hearts are true" They chorus.
"Spirits near, we call to you"
"Spirits near, we call to you" they chorus again.
"Is anyone there?" Joan asks. Nothing happens
They all sit there for 10 seconds before Mark removes his hand.
"This is stupid" he says
"Put your hand back on it" Joan says sharply.
As soon as Mark's reluctant fingers touch the triangular block, it begins to move.
"Mark, cut it out" Susie says.
"That's not me" Mark replies.
"H" Joan reads as the planchette moves to settle on the letter 'H' before making it's way back to the middle "I"
"Hi" Emmanuel says.
"S" Joan continues
"Mark, I swear if you're doing this" Susie says visibly afraid
"O"
"I promise I'm not doing anything"
"N" Joan says finally as it rests in the middle of the board.
"Hison?" Emmanuel asks
"Oh my God" Susie says "It says 'Hi son'"
They pause for a second.
"That doesn't make any sense. All our parents are alive" Joan says.
Susie turns to Emmanuel. He instantly knows what she's thinking.
"Mine aren't" He says to Joan "The Pemroses adopted me"
No one says anything.
"Mark doesn't know that." Emmanuel tells Susie "There's no way he could have fucked with the board"
Joan screams and drops the planchette which she had raised to her right eye.
"What?" Emmanuel asks
"What'd you see?" Mark asks.
Susie is freaking out. Joan picks up the planchette and slowly raises it to her eye again "There's a woman." Joan is looking straight at Emmanuel.
"She is behind you" Joan continues looking at Emmanuel "She is glowing, orange or yellow"
Emmanuel doesn't move. He is terrified because he can feel something behind him. He can't move.
He slowly begins to turn when the phone rings and everyone is shaken.
Joan brings it up to her eye again but there's nothing. Emmanuel feels it too. The emptiness. They phone rings again ad he stands to go get it.
"I need some water" Susie says as she gets up too and walks to the kitchen.
"Wait you have to say goodbye!" Joan says but everyone is already on their way.
"You were joking about that woman thing, right?" Emmanuel hears Mark ask as he reaches the house phone.
"Hello?" He presses his ear into the old telephone.
"Good evening, is this Emmanuel?" A woman is on the line.
"Yes"
"Oh wonderful. I hope this isn't a bad time"
He looks around the room. Other than the board on the table, there's no one in the living room.
"No, it's not"
"Good" The woman says "I was wondering if we could talk"

"Joan had to go. Mark is taking her home" Emmanuel tells Susie who he had woken up as he comes into the room.
"So it's just us now" She replies smiling, wrapping both arms around him as he climbs into bed.
They kiss for a while.
"I've decided to go visit my aunt tomorrow. I should be back by Sunday"
Susie sits up in the bed.
"This was supposed to be our weekend together" Susie pouts "My parents even think I'm staying with Joan ad yours are gone.."
"I know. I'm an idiot. Ditching you to go visit my aunt"
She doesn't reply.
"I can't explain it, I fell like I have to"
She doesn't say anything for a while "I think it'll be good for you" she finally says.
"You think so?"
"Yeah" she smiles.
"So, you're not mad"
"No. I'm not mad"
"You're the best" Emmanuel replies smiling
"You're gonna have to make it up to me tonight though" She looks at hi suggestively.
"Oh I plan to" he says as he pulls her onto him as she's laughing.

"Child, this better be important. It's so late"
"Grandma, I think I saw a spirit tonight" Joan says into phone.
"A spirit, how?"
"Through a planchette, it was behind my friend - this boy at school"
"I told you not to play with Ouija. They can be very dangerous."
"I know, I'm sorry"
"This spirit, tell me about it"
"It was glowing, even in the dark room"
"That's good. It means that wasn't a dark spirit. Did you notice a color?"
"Yes!" Joan says sharply remembering "A light orange or yellow"
"A powerful one. He's a lucky boy. You have nothing to worry about"
"There's another thing"
"Yes? What is it?"
"I also had a different feeling from him. It wasn't there before"
"I see. That could be many things. But if you could feel that, then you may be like me. Come see me, you shouldn't ignore this"

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Comments

Interesting

I suspect the disconnect between the beginning and end will be explained.Looking forward to more,

Nice beginning and it grips

Nice beginning and it grips your attention, as you do want to find out what is going on, especially with Joan and her grandmother. And what about Emmanuel? He apparently has his mother or someone associated with her now near him. Hmmmmm?

Interesting Format...

...telling the story in present tense, with most of the exposition via dialogue.

It'll be interesting to see how it works out. TD Aldoennetti used the present tense in her novel Tranquility, but it came out seeming more like a synopsis than action in many places. Her colleague Denise Trask told me Teddi was planning to change it before book publication; I think as it turned out she died before anything further happened on the story besides inserting illustrations. (Sorry about the digression.)

Anyway, a good start, once I figured out where the two scenes fit together. We'll have to see where it goes from here.

Eric

Interesting start

Jamie Lee's picture

How did the fire start? Was someone trying to kill mother and son? Why bars on the window in the boys' room?

What kind of a life did Emmanuel have after the fire and before high school?

Joan saw the ghost and Emmanuel felt the ghost behind him. Does this mean they both have abilities unknown to them? And with the words spelled out, might the ghost be Emmanuel's mom?

Others have feelings too.

Too Triggering

I was saved by my mother in this same situation. It is too upsetting.