Sam and Alex Whitman are young, married and very much in love. Until a chance sighting in the City of Chester threatens to throw their whole world upside down.
In this, the debut novel by Anna Na Maus, Sam Whitman has to discover exactly how far he will go to help his tormented wife recover from a troubled childhood.
It's a bitter sweet tale of love featuring characters you will want to love and hate all at the same time.
© 2016 by Anna NaMaus. All rights reserved.
Published on Amazon by Trans Scripts
No part of this book may be reproduced in any written, electronic, recording, or photocopying without written permission of the publisher or author. The exception would be in the case of brief quotations embodied in the critical articles or reviews and pages where permission is specifically granted by the publisher or author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
These pages are taken from the records of Dr Sylvia Marchland PhD FRC.Psych.
The tales that you read here are taken from a series of interviews between Dr Marchland and the subject Sam Whitman. Whilst the content of the interviews has been edited to provide the reader with a clear and understandable commentary on the subject’s history none of the facts have been changed and the subject agrees that they are an accurate representation of the events.
Sam Whitman first came to my attention in March 2014 having been referred to me by Dr Maggie Sorensson.
According to the files Sam was born in the year 1988 to parents James and Andrea Whitman in the Countess of Chester hospital in Cheshire. Sam was the middle one of three children having two sisters, Kelly who was three years older and Jeanette who was six years younger.
An academically smart child Sam attended Kings School in Chester achieving 12 GCSE's and 5 A’ levels before moving on to study Computer Science at Wolfson College, Cambridge.
Medically Sam's formative years were relatively uneventful, the usual childhood ailments were present but Sam's visits to the family doctor were fewer than the average British child.
Sam was married to Alex Parker in the summer of 2011.
You want me to tell you about our relationship. Okay, I guess that's why I am here.
I first met Alex at a university party when I had just turned 21. I’ll be honest with you, at that time in my life I wasn’t very big on parties. I didn’t like mingling with a lot of people and generally ended up hiding in a corner on my own. That's when I even bothered to go at all. I was always much happier sat at home on my own or with a couple of good friends watching movies or playing computer games. The only times I went out and mingled with a big crowd was when I went to Goodison Park to watch my beloved Everton FC, and even then there were so many people that I was kind of alone. This particular party, however, was one the birthday party of one of those good friends so there was no question of me not going. I had made all of my preparations the day before, buying a pack of six bottles of Sol lager, a jar of sliced limes, and a large bag of Tangy Cheese flavoured Dorito's. When I arrived at Mikki's place for the party, deliberately early as always, I did all the niceties, wishing her a happy birthday, dishing out presents and the like before grabbing an armchair and moving it into the corner of the room. I set myself up with my supplies near to hand and settled down to what I expected would be a solitary evening of people watching. I was wrong.
About half an hour into the evening I saw Mikki working her way through the assembled guests with another girl in tow. The mystery girl was about my height and had long flowing brown hair, so dark that it was almost black in places. She had a nice figure, a bit boyish with small hips but a good chest and slim without being skinny. Her face was a mask of insecurity and nervousness, her eyes constantly flicking from side to side as she watched the people they passed. As the party was a little bit slow to get going and the viewing was less than entertaining when Mikki brought her over and introduced her to me I made a determined effort to be friendly. Actually it wasn’t really that hard, Alex was easy to get on with and I found myself chatting to her for virtually the whole evening. It was a pleasant and fun filled evening as we discussed the other people at the party. We would take bets on who would disappear with whom, and how long they would be away for. I found myself to be very comfortable in Alex's company, there was no pressure to kiss or disappear ourselves we just behaved as though we had been friends for years. At the end of the evening I walked her home as she lived relatively near to my own house. It was a simple goodbye as we parted, a quick peck on the cheek, from her to me, and she walked through the door.
That would probably have been the end of the story had I not decided to go for an impromptu drink in a pub that I passed on my way home from lectures. I liked this particular pub because I could sit at the end of the bar and occasionally chat to the barman with very few unwelcome approaches from other patrons. On this occasion however as I walked through the door my eyes instantly found Alex, sat at a table in the corner. I also saw the bullish man, leaning drunkenly against the table talking at her. I say talking at because it was quite clear that Alex was not appreciative of his attentions. I don't know what came over me but, acting completely out of character, I walked over and said “Hi, sorry I'm late”. I don’t know why I did it, I don’t even know how I did it but I went over to this girl that I had only met once before and I saved her from a drunken old letch. To be fair he didn’t put up a fight so, after a quick trip to the bar I once again sat next to Alex and we again fell into easy conversation. So for the second time I walked her home and got a peck on the cheek but this time when we parted company we exchanged phone numbers and even arranged a third meeting.
Over the next few months our relationship blossomed into a great friendship with something more. No sex yet, but a closeness that I desperately missed whenever we were apart. It was only sensible, therefore, that after just six months of dating we moved in together.
Shortly afterwards Alex decided that she needed to tell me about the traumas that had dominated her past.
For eight years, from the age of six, Alex was abused and raped by her uncle and his two sons. To begin with it was only her uncle who actually abused her because the boys were, at that time too young. However, their father forced them to watch and they were encouraged to join in as soon as they started puberty. This particular uncle was her mother's brother and lived just a few streets from Alex's own home. To begin with Alex's parents had no idea what was going on and so they would regularly leave Alex with her uncle when their work or social life meant that neither of them could be at home. By the time it was discovered that something was going on she was so badly traumatised that she couldn’t stand to be near men, even her own father, at all. It took three years for Alex to even get close to being able to cope again during which time she boarded at an all-girls school and received counselling the whole time, even during school holidays. Very slowly Alex learned how to control her fears and at least operate in the vicinity of men, and she was introduced into situations with men present. It was five years after beginning counselling that Alex attended a party at a friend’s house and was introduced to yours truly. Amazingly I was the first man that she had been able to have a proper conversation with in fifteen years. Whilst she could never explain why she was comfortable being around me I have always been glad that she was.
I sometimes wonder if it was my own, traumatic, recent past that allowed Alex to be comfortable in my presence. Mine wasn't as horrific as hers but neither was it pleasant. Four years earlier I had been diagnosed with a rare disease called Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis. I had been suffering from really bad headaches for a while so my mum made me go to the doctors. He had a quick look and found a soft lump on the side of my head that was very painful to touch. To be safe he decided that he wanted a second opinion before he said anything and sent for a senior colleague. A second examination and a quick chat later the two doctors informed me that I had an infected cyst on my head, prescribed some antibiotics and sent me on my merry way. Three days later I collapsed and was rushed into the local hospital.
To say that the hospital was a little bit useless is like saying that water is a little bit wet. Upon arrival at the hospital my mum and I were put into an examination room and left. After a while a porter turned up to take me for an x-ray, I had seen no doctors or nurses he was literally my first contact since we were put in the room. I had my x-rays, that bit was very efficient, and returned to the room for another wait. 10 minutes passed and an older man entered the room. He said nothing, just put an x-ray onto a light-box and flicked the switch. He looked at it for a moment and then walked out the door leaving my mum and me staring in horror. The x-ray showed a picture of my skull with two dark shadows just above my ear. I'm sure that I don't need to tell you what went through my mind, or that it was one of the worst moments of my, and my mums, life.
When he finally returned the doctor informed us that I had been booked into a ward for tests and that he didn't really know what was going on. He didn't actually come out and say that but you could tell it was true from what he did say. The next day I was sent for a CT scan, examined by three different doctors and two groups of students but nobody gave me any answers. I was then basically abandoned for a week. If it wasn't for my sister I would probably have died in that hospital, it was only her insistence and persistence that got me moved to the famous Walton Centre in Liverpool, actually against the wishes of the original hospital. As soon as I arrived in Liverpool I had an MRI scan and the next day I was in the operating theatre where they removed a section of skull about the size of a man's hand and replaced it with a new polymer plate. I was later told that the bone had gone soft, that was what caused the x-ray shadows, and as a result my brain was pushing out and had become deformed, that caused the headaches. The surgeon told me that if they hadn't operated when they did I would have died within a week.
Further MRI scans showed 12 more shadows throughout my skeleton, although these were much smaller and I spent the next two years having a mixture of radiotherapy and chemotherapy. As a result of the illness I also developed a whole collection of complications. Amongst these was Hypopituitarism resulting in Hypo-Gonadism. Basically my body stopped producing testosterone properly and I would be taking hormones for the rest of my life.
Within a year of our graduations Alex and I were married, nothing fancy, a quiet wedding in a rural church followed by a small pub reception. It was the classic intimate wedding a few friends, close family and us. Alex looked beautiful in a simple cream dress with a bouquet of roses, mainly cream to match the dress but with a few red ones to draw the eye. Alex's Father gave her away, a big moment not just in respect to the wedding but also to her recovery. A final sign of forgiveness for not noticing what was going on and an acceptance of the second man in her life.
Our vows were very traditional too, me to protect and Alex to obey. Personally I didn't read too much into the actual words, for me it was a simple declaration of love and the only part that was really important was 'til death us do part. I for one was fully committed to that one.
We had the reception in the same pub as we intended to spend our wedding night, which allowed us to slope of before the end. Getting married is a lot more tiring than the stories would have you believe and we were both more than ready to fall into bed and, unromantically, straight to sleep.
Wedded life was wonderful; I know that I not only loved Alex with all of my heart but I really liked her too. For some people that might sound a bit strange but I have an aunt and uncle who definitely loved each other but they never really liked each other and got divorced several years ago. They really want to get back together and are forever trying but they always end up arguing and splitting up again. But not us, Alex and I had the same ideals and although we didn’t agree on everything we could always find a solution by talking things through.
Straight out of University I got a job working for a small IT recruitment agency initially as an account manager but soon becoming the Sales manager. It sounded really impressive when I told people but the reality was much more down to earth. You see when I joined the company there was only Gary, the owner, myself and another account manager called Barbara. The company really started to take off and before Gary hired any more people he wanted to put a Sales Manager in place to work as a buffer between himself and the new recruits. Whilst a lot of people would bring in an experienced manager Gary liked to believe in the people he already had. He did offer the position to Barbara first but she turned him down, she liked being an account manager, the money was good enough and she didn't really want the extra stress of management. So Gary turned to me and I said yes.
I know, you are wondering why did I, a sociophobe end up working in sales, a job where all you do is talk to people. Well the honest answer is that I just sort of fell into it. It's one of those stories that you would never believe if it didn't happen to you. You see Gary Robbins and I both share a doctor, the endocrinologist, Maggie Sorensson. Me for my hormone problems and Gary because he's a diabetic. One day he started chatting to me in the waiting room and we really hit it off, when he told me about the job I was very hesitant, telling him about my lack of social skills. He just laughed,
“Sam,” he said, “you're talking to me just fine and we'd never met before today. I think you'll be great. Please give it try.”
So I did, and after a shaky start I did turn out to be very good. It was almost as though I had two personalities, a confident outgoing salesman at work and a shy retiring type at home.
Alex also got a job soon after graduation, as a junior copywriter for a small publishing house. She was very good at her job and it wasn't long before a big London publisher started sniffing around. At first she turned them down, we like living in the countryside and neither of us wanted to ever move into a big city. But when they said that she could e-commute then there was no reason not to accept, especially when the starting salary was just over £60k. All Alex had to do was go to London once a month for a full day of meetings and sometimes pop off around the world to meet clients.
We ended up living in a chocolate box cottage in the Cheshire countryside. Literally the last house in a rural village we had a tiny shop and pub within walking distance of the house. But at the same time, thanks to a very long driveway, we had fields all round and nobody overlooked our house.
Yes, our life was perfect. For a while that is.
A Visit From The Past
It started out as a beautiful warm summers day and so we decided to take an impromptu visit to Chester. We parked, as always, on the Little Roodee Car Park and enjoyed a short stroll along the river front towards the city centre. It was one of those ideal holiday atmospheres, the crowds were full of cheer and local artists had their easels set up in the shade of the city walls. On the river rowing crews from the local rowing club fought for space with young couples going around in circles as they tried to master their hired rowing boats and young families speeding along in one of the many motor boats available for an hourly rate. Of course all of them had to avoid the large tour boats that took hundreds of people up and down the River Dee to the accompaniment of Jazz Bands, Crooners or just screaming infants.
Beyond the mayhem of the boats sits Hickory's Smokehouse, a fantastic American style restaurant on the banks of the river. Although it is not a cheap place to eat, when we can afford it we do like to treat ourselves. Today we decided would be one of those days and we walked arm in arm towards the restaurant revelling in the aromas of fine Louisiana cuisine. Surprisingly we were able to find an outside table quite easily and were soon seated waiting for our food to arrive, watching the passing crowds and enjoying a cool drink. Another point in favour of the Smokehouse is that it is one of the few places in Cheshire that serves Dixie beer. An American brew with a slightly nutty flavour.
I won't bore you with the details of our lunch. Enough to say that it was delicious, filling and emptied my wallet to the tune of £50.
After lunch we strolled up Lower Bridge Street and into the city centre. We'd spent a good couple of hours wandering around the shops enjoying the elegance of Browns, the sights and sounds of the market and, of course, the Town Crier in full voice next to the cross. We had a cup of tea in a little tea shop on the city walls, indulging in a slice of Chester tart at the same time. It had the makings of a memorable day indeed.
We had stopped to take a bit of a breather, leaning against the barriers on the Upper Rows just people watching when I felt Alex stiffen up beside me. I turned to look at her and saw that her face was almost white with fear, her teeth were clenched and she was visibly shaking
“What is it?” I asked. Wondering what could have caused such a reaction.
“I need to leave,” was Alex's reply, “I need to leave here now.”
“I just do now come on.” She grabbed hold of my arm and started to drag me away. Then, as soon as I started to follow her, she let go of my arm and hurried through the crowds towards the car park. Dodging push chairs and a phalanx of small Roman soldiers, kids visiting the museum sometimes get to march through the streets in Roman uniforms, I raced after her.
“Alex,” I called, “whatever is the matter? What's happened?”
She didn't answer and when I tried to put my arm around her to slow her down she pulled away. Even when we got back to the car I could see that she was struggling to hold it together. Her lips were so tightly jammed together that they were now turning blue, so I decided to just get her away from there and not push the point any more.
We didn't speak at all on the way home. Alex sat, staring through the windscreen although I doubt she saw anything. Her hands sat in her lap, her fingers drumming a ceaseless tattoo on her thighs. Eventually I pulled into our drive and parked the car. Alex just sat there, still blankly staring through the windscreen.
“Come on love,” I said, tenderly, “come in to the kitchen and I'll put the kettle on.”
Eventually she turned her head to look at me and a weak smile played across her lips.
“Thanks Sam”, she replied, “I'm sorry. You're right I need a cuppa.”
Soon we were sat on opposite sides of the kitchen table, Alex with a cup of Clipper Tea and me with a large mug of freshly brewed Lavazza coffee. We sat there in silence. I desperately wanted to say something, to ask what was going on, but I knew that Alex had to be the one to make the first move and start the conversation. It wasn't until she had reboiled the kettle, made herself a second cup of tea and refilled my mug from the coffee pot that she felt ready to talk.
“I saw them Sam. I saw Uncle Mac and the boys. In Chester.”
My heart burst for her, as I recognised the fear and dread in her face, “What? How? I mean surely they should still be rotting in prison,” I said
“Uncle Mac certainly should be,” replied Alex, “the boys were put in a secure home though so I don't know how it works with them.”
“Great, so they've been let out. But they shouldn't be anywhere near us, surely and why haven't we been told anything?”
“I don't know,” Alex shouted, fear turning to anger, “I don't know why they're here or what they want. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.”
I jumped out of my seat to take her in my arms and give her a comforting hug, I raced around the table but as soon as our bodies came into contact she jumped and then stepped backwards, pushing me away at the same time.
“I'm sorry Sam, I can't,” she cried, huge tears tracking down her face, “It just feels wrong, oh God Sam what am I going to do.”
Right at that moment I knew exactly how it feels to be helpless. The person that means the most to me in the whole world was sobbing right in front of me and there was nothing that I could do. I really didn't know what to say that would make things feel any better, and it had already been shown that I couldn't touch her. So I was left stood there like a total lemon until finally I said the only thing that I could think of.
“I don't know Ali, I'm sorry. Should I make another brew?”
Amazingly it worked, to a point. A little smile cracked through the tears, “Oh Sam, you are such a sweetheart,” she said, “but I think maybe right now I need something stronger than a cup of tea,” and so she walked into the lounge and opened the drinks cabinet. By the time I made it into the room with a fresh cup of coffee Alex was already sat with a large brandy in one hand and the TV remote in the other.
“Time for something funny to clear my mind for a bit,” she declared, eventually giving up on the TV and putting 'Lesbian Vampire Killers' on DVD on instead.
That's pretty much how the evening went. Mindless fun on the TV with little or no conversation, certainly no mention of the day’s events. At some point I made a light tea of cheese on toast with chorizo sausage and Alex kept filling her glass. Strangely she didn't appear to get as drunk as she should have done, although it clearly wasn't for a lack of trying. Eventually at somewhere around midnight she decided that enough was enough and turned the TV off.
“Come on,” she said over her shoulder as she headed to the stairs, “let's call it a night and hit the sack.”
I don't know what I really expected to happen that night, I only know that I didn't expect much. I certainly didn't expect what I got. When we got in bed we automatically moved towards the centre of the bed, but as soon as we touched Alex went totally rigid. She literally froze. I could almost sense her trying desperately to stay next to me but in the end she had to give up and move to the edge of the bed where she lay quietly crying to herself. At some point we must have both fallen asleep, and I guess I swung my arm over so that it was resting on Alex. Her scream woke me up, it was a scream of pure terror and it scared me so much I that I jumped out of bed ready to fight whatever it was that was attacking her. It was as I stood there, in nothing but my stripy blue pyjama bottoms, that I realised that she had been woken by my hand. Whether it was worked into a nightmare she was having, or if it was just the touch of my hand I don't know but whatever it was it had reduced the girl I loved into a sobbing, shaking mess perched on right on the edge of the bed. Unthinking, I moved forward to comfort her and put my hand on her shoulder, big mistake. The moment I touched her she jerked backwards to sever the contact.
“I'm sorry,” I stammered, “I didn't mean to, I mean I, oh Christ honey I'm sorry. Maybe I should sleep in the spare room for tonight, make sure it doesn't happen again.”
Alex made a vague attempt to dissuade me but her heart really wasn't in it. So I grabbed my pillows, always sleep better with my own pillows, and went to bed in the spare room.
We tried sharing a bed a few more times but every night the results were the same and eventually I simply went straight into the spare room. I was confused, helpless and hurting. More than anything in the world I wanted my wife back but I had no idea how to go about it.
Night Time Changes
“Sam, we need to talk.”
Alex was sitting at the kitchen table, a large glass of Red wine in front of her. Six months had passed since the incident in the Mall and things were showing no sign of improvement. It wasn't that we hadn't tried. Maggie had recommended Alex to a counsellor friend of hers and Alex had seen her religiously every week. We had even gone as a couple a few times to see if that would help but, so far, nothing had changed. We tried going away to see if a change of scenery would suppress her fears but that didn't work either. I spent the entire holiday sleeping on the couch in the hotel room.
So when Alex said that we needed to talk I became more than a little nervous.
“Come and sit down,” she began, “You know that I love you more than anything else in the world don't you?”
“I do,” I responded feeling even more anxious, there was a but coming. I could feel it.
“But,” told you so, “for some reason every time I touch you an irrational part of me flashes back to my Uncle and his boys. It makes me hate myself but I can't help it. I literally feel sick every time we touch and my skin crawls.” Slow tears began to trickle from the corner of her eyes, “I don't want it to happen. I know that you are nothing like them but I don't have any control over it. Oh Sam, I do love you,” the tears were beginning to flow more freely now, “and I really miss cuddling up to you. I miss holding hands and the way I used to feel when you put your arm around me. I miss all of those things and really wish that we could still do them now. Why does life have to be so unfair Sam? Haven't I suffered enough?”
I ached to be able to go around the table and wrap my arms around her in an all embracing show of affection, but with what she had just said it would only make things worse. I wanted to tell her that everything would be alright, but would it? I loosened my tie a bit to give me time to think. Obviously I knew that she had been in a bad place since we saw her cousins in the Mall but I never realised that she felt as horrible as she did.
“Ali,” I responded carefully, “I love you too and I always will. Whatever it takes to help you through this I will be there for you and I will help you in every way I can. I mean it, anything.”
“Anything?” she asked, her eyes red and puffy from the tears seeming to flicker with hope for the first time in weeks. “Anything at all?” I nodded and replied.
“Well there was one idea I had, but I dismissed it because I didn't think that you'd like it and I don't want to put you in a difficult position.” she answered.
“You won't.” was my response, “tell me your idea. Please.”
“You know that when I was at boarding school I found comfort with one of my class mates?” I nodded, Alex had told me about the nights that she had found comfort on many nights in the arms of Clare, a very pretty little girly girl. She never went into a lot of detail but I guessed that there was more than just cuddling going on. Alex continued, “well I thought that maybe, if you would, we could try and pretend that you were a girl and then I could cuddle you like I used to cuddle Clare.”
I mentally took a step back at this point. Pretend I was a girl, this was a joke, it had to be. But what if it wasn't? Hadn't I just said that I would do anything to help? Well this was definitely something and, whilst I thought it unlikely, it might help.
“How would we do it?” I asked
“I don't really know,” admitted Alex. “Like I said, I dismissed the idea as being unreasonable.” She paused to think. “I suppose to start with that you could just borrow some of my pyjamas tonight and see what happens, we're about the same size so they should fit.” I guess I looked a little sceptical, “It'll be dark so it might work, and I've already had a couple of these.” She paused to wiggle her wine glass at me before continuing, a hint of desperation in her voice. “Please Sam, it can't hurt can it, please.”
Of course there was no way that I could say no to her and she was right it couldn't hurt anyone, the worst thing that would happen is that I'd feel a bit stupid and we'd still be in the same place we were. So when it came time to retire for the evening we both traipsed upstairs, having consumed a few more glassed of the red stuff.
“I've put some pyjamas in the bathroom for you,” said Alex as we entered the bedroom, “will you be able to get into bed if I turn all of the lights off?” I nodded and headed off to the bathroom whilst Alex sat at her vanity and began to get ready for bed.
Neatly piled up next to the bathroom sink was a small pile of clothes. On top of the pile was a white cotton vest top with a motif of a puppy dog on it. I can live with a vest I thought to myself as I unbuttoned and removed my shirt. I then pulled the vest top over my head and glanced in the mirror, “not too bad” I thought, “as long as I can ignore the motif in the dark.” I chuckled to myself, half incredulous that I was actually doing this. The pyjama bottoms came next, they were baby blue and made of satin. “They are still trousers,” I said to myself, “just trousers.” I then removed my own trousers, as well as my socks and pants and pulled on the loaned pyjamas. They were certainly lighter than my own, thick flannel, pyjamas and they felt much cooler too. Oh well, I quickly brushed my teeth and opened the door onto the now darkened bedroom.
I carefully crossed the carpet to the bed and climbed in. I lay there not moving for a good ten minutes before Alex's arm cautiously rested upon my leg. I waited for it to be snatched away but nothing happened, I allowed myself a little hope. Cautiously her hand slid up the side of my satin clad leg until it reached the waistband of the pyjamas. This was going well I thought to myself, unfortunately I spoke a moment too soon. As her hand progressed beyond the trousers it failed to slide effortlessly on to the top, instead it pushed the top upwards and the skin of Alex's hand came into contact with the skin of my stomach, the rather hairy, manly skin of my stomach. The spell was broken. Alex snatched her hand away as quickly as she could and rolled over, her back to me and her face pressed up to the edge of the bed. With a sigh I too rolled over, facing outwards from the bed and closed my eyes. I didn't bother changing the pyjamas.
Nothing was said the next morning, nor was the experiment repeated the following night. When I got home from work the day after that Alex was, once again, sat at the kitchen table with a large glass of wine.
“Hey Hun,” she smiled bravely, “good day at work?” I answered knowing that there was more on her mind than my day, and I was right.
“I think I know what went wrong.” She continued when I had finished, “It was your hairiness. Clare was never hairy, Uncle Mac was.” A pause. “I think that it might work if you shaved. Nobody would know, only me,” she added quickly, “and I really think that it will help. Please Sam, we were so close the other night, this could be it.”
I tried not to sigh before answering. “You want me to shave off all of my body hair and wear your pyjamas?” I asked. She nodded. “And you really think it will work?” More nods. I smiled, on the outside at least, “Then let's give it a go, we'll have some dinner and then I'll go jump in the shower and get started.” Alex's face lit up with joy but she couldn't quite bring herself to give me a hug. I could see that she wanted to though and that was pretty nice in itself. Deciding that I couldn't be bothered to cook and taking into account the fact that Alex hadn't been bothered since the incident I rang the local takeaway and ordered one lamb shish kebab, one donor kebab and two portions of chips. We had been ordering takeaways a lot since that day in the Mall and it was beginning to show around my stomach. Living in the middle of nowhere we didn't have the luxury of deliveries when it came to take away food so I jumped into the car and made the twenty-minute drive to the takeaway. At least pre-ordering meant that I didn't have to wait for the food to be cooked, and I was such a good customer that they wrapped my food up with extra layers of paper to keep it warm on the way home.
One and half hours later, feeling full and a little bit flushed from the wine we had drunk I entered the bathroom. I put my freshly filled glass on the side of the bath, put the plug in its hole and turned the taps on. Reaching for the pink Radox bubble bath that Alex had advised me to add, “it'll soften the hairs and make it easier,” I poured a healthy dollop into the water. I decided against using my regular razor for this job and looked in the cupboard for one of Alex's lady shavers. I found a bag of Gillette Simply Venus disposable razors next to a can of Gillette Satin Care Floral Passion shave gel. Grabbing a razor and the gel I put them on the side of the bath too, next to my glass of wine. I then returned to the cupboard to find a tub of Nivea Soft Moisturising Cream, apparently I would regret it if I didn't smother myself in this stuff after I had shaved. I gathered the pyjamas from where they had sat in the bedroom from the previous morning, noticing that a pair of white satin panties had been placed on the pile, and stripped down to my boxers and returned to the bathroom. By now the bath was full of water so I turned off the taps and stepped in. It had been a long time since I had sat in a bath, a quick shower was normally my way of cleansing, but Alex insisted that it would be easier to shave the hairs off if I let them soak in the bath for ten minutes first. Not to mention the fact that it's easier to reach your legs when you are sitting down. As I slid into the water and felt its warmth envelop me I had to admit that it felt kind of nice too.
It took well over an hour to properly shave everywhere, and even then there were some patches on my back that I simply couldn't reach and would have to get help with another day. By the end of it there was so much hair in the, now tepid, water that every time I tried to rinse hairs off my body several more took their place. In the end I decided to turn on the shower and rinse them off that way, so I pulled the plug out of the bath and waited for the water to drain out before switching on the shower. We don't have room for a separate bath and shower, our shower is simply over the tub.
As the hot water hit my freshly shaven skin I felt it like it had never felt before. As a man you don't really think about the layer of hair that protects your skin from sensations like this, but over the next few days I was going to think about it an awful lot. With my skin tingling, and turning ever so slightly pink from the shower I grabbed my towel and dried of quickly. I then proceeded to rub the moisturising cream into my skin, really enjoying the cooling sensations that it provided but definitely not the sight of my paunch that somehow seemed worse now that it was pink and hairless. It was definitely time to lose some weight.
When it came time to put the pyjamas on I must confess I was totally unprepared for another new set of sensations. After all I had worn these clothes only a couple of nights earlier and they hadn't been massively different from my normal pyjamas. A little nicer but nothing worth crowing about. I picked up the panties, oh well in for a penny, I stepped into the first leg hole and pulled it up a little before stepping into the second leg hole. As I began to work them up my legs I realised just how different things really are when you don't have a layer of hair to protect you. The material from the panties caressed my flesh as I pulled them up my legs sending little tingles and shivers through my body. Wow, if that's what a little pair of knickers could do imagine how good the trousers would feel. I grabbed them quickly and rushed to put them on, where the panties had caressed and moved on the trousers continued to caress. Every movement caused the material to sway and set of a whole new round of caresses. Maybe there was going to be some unexpected bonuses in this plan of Alex's. I quickly put the cotton vest top on, and while it wasn't as good as the satin it was still much better than anything I had worn before, rubbing against my bare skin. I felt really good as I opened the door and entered the bedroom, hoping that Alex hadn't given up waiting and fallen asleep. Sliding under the covers, another heightened sensation with hairless skin, I felt her stir next to me.
“Hmm, you smell nice,” she murmured, the sound of sleep evident in her voice. Her hand slid across my stomach and started to explore, this time there was no quick retreat when flesh touched flesh. This time there was a “Oo, soft,” and a wriggling as her body snuggled closer to mine, her stomach pressed against my hip. It was working, for the first time in months we were actually lying in bed together, properly together. There wasn't any sex, nothing like that, it was just a comfortable companionship but as far as I was concerned it was the best feeling in the world.
We must have been lucky those first few nights because everything was wonderful. I found that wearing girls’ pyjamas didn't bother me in the slightest and Alex didn't seem to mind too much when I turned down her offer to loan me a nightie. Our nights were still devoid of intercourse but we growing closer again and spent a good thirty minutes every night kissing and cuddling under the covers, nothing below the waist but she seemed to enjoy it rather a lot when I played with her nipples. I was sure that it was only a matter of time before things progressed further.
Unfortunately, whilst the night times were getting better the days were most definitely not. As soon as I stripped of my girlish night attire and dressed in my normal day clothes Alex would become remote and wary of me. All the warm companionship of the previous night disappearing with the satin. It had still been hard to accept being shunned beforehand, but the emotional pain had lessened over time. Now it was like having my heart ripped out every single morning and it became almost impossible to just get through the day. What made it even worse was seeing the same feelings reflected back at me in Alex's eyes. In some ways if she hadn't been upset at what was happening it would have been a bit easier. At least then I would have been able to get angry with her. But she looked so sad and lost that all I wanted to do was give her a hug, which made it all worse.
On the twelfth night the luck ran out and we crashed back to the start. As we were kissing and cuddling Alex's hand slipped lower than it had done previously. I could tell where it was going and prepared myself for a moment that I had been anticipating all week. It never came. Alex's hand reached the bulge in my trousers and simply stopped. Or to be more accurate Alex stopped, she froze. Her breathing stopped, her hand stopped, her whole body stopped moving, quietly in the silence that ensued I heard her whispering, barely loud enough to register as a noise, “no, no, no, no, I can't, no, no”, repeating over again. I moved her hand away from the offending area and that seemed to break the spell, sadly she rolled over and away from me pulling the duvet up around her head. I doubt I slept at all that night, I just lay there listening to Alex quietly sobbing to herself until she eventually fell asleep, then I listened to her gentle snores.
The next day I didn't see Alex before I left for work but that was okay, I had other things on my mind. I wasn't going to leave it to Alex to solve this new problem, there had to be a simple solution and I was going to be the one to find it. I'd prove to her that we could get past anything together and that I was fully invested in saving our relationship. As soon as I got to work I went in to Gary's office and told him that I needed to leave a couple of hours early, Alex had some meetings to attend in London and wouldn't be home until eight at the earliest but I had a lot of things to do and everything had to be perfect. I raced through my emails as soon as I got into my own office, luckily there was nothing too complicated and by 12.30 I had finished everything that needed completing that day. Then I logged into Google and began a search. All those hours lying awake the previous night had given me plenty of time to think through the problem and I was pretty confident I knew how to find the answer. I typed 'How do drag queens hide their genitals' into the search engine and was rewarded with over 300,000 results. There were a surprising number of alternatives, not all of which appealed to my finer sense. I didn't fancy taping my boys up, that looked a little bit too painful for my taste. There was no way I could get a gaffe by this afternoon so that was out and using several pairs of tights to squash everything flat would more than likely just make me sweaty in bed. In the end I decided to just tuck my bits between my legs and hold them in place with some really tight pants. Now I just had to get everything together and get ready to impress Alex.
The idea of being caught buying some of the things that I needed was a little too scary so I carefully wrote out a shopping list using what I considered to be feminine handwriting that way if anyone saw what I was buying I could just say that Alex had given me a list and it was all for her. Feeling a little more confident with my ruse I set off towards the Tesco Extra that had recently opened in a nearby town, hopefully I would be able to get everything I needed there and wouldn't have to traipse around lots of other shops, after all the more places you go the more chance there is of being spotted and even with my list I didn't want that. I wandered through the food sections first, buying fresh pasta, passata, frikadellen and fresh garlic bread, I was pretty sure I had all the herbs and spices that I would need at home already. Then I headed into the toiletries. I had discovered that my body hair grew very quickly and so I decided to buy my own razor rather than use up all of Alex's. Not liking disposable razors on my face I decided to adopt the same attitude with my body and bought myself a Razor and a new can of shave gel. Next stop alcohol, two bottles of Cava Brut Rose, before finishing in the clothing department. I'd checked the sizes of the clothes that Alex had loaned me at home so I knew what I needed and vowed not to hang about. First up a new pair of pyjamas, dark blue satin bottoms with a matching satin top. The top had a little frill around the plunging neck line and really narrow straps, I now know that they are spaghetti straps but I was clueless back then. Final item a pair 'hold everything in' Maxi Briefs, tucking them deep into the shopping basket I headed for the checkout. Thank goodness for self-serve tills, that is all I need to say.
By the time Alex got home I was freshly bathed and shaved, my little fella was tucked away and held securely in place by Playtex and I was decked out in finest blue satin. On the table were two bowls of spaghetti with meatballs and a wonderfully aromatic stack of deliciously unhealthy garlic bread. The weight loss could wait for another day. When she walked through the door Alex's face lit up, not necessarily at the spread or even the outfit, but more the fact that I had gone to all this effort for her.
I cocked my finger and summoned her over, taking her hand I placed it on my stomach and slowly started to move it downwards, relishing in the look on her face at is changed from trepidation to absolute joy as she felt my new smooth frontage.
“But...” she stammered, “How?”
“Nothing fancy,” I replied, “everything is still there for future needs, it's just hidden away for a while.” She kissed me, long and slow.
“I love you Sam Whitman,” she said, “and I'm starving. That dinner smells gorgeous.”
I would love to tell you that we had mad rampant sex that night but, of course, we didn't. We played with other, we hugged and kissed, but my penis remained tucked away. Weirdly Alex actually fell asleep with her hand resting on the smooth frontage where my penis should have lain, it was a very unusual sensation and kept me awake for a very long time.
A Satin Undercoat
It was mid-November and had been about a month since I first put on a pair of Alex's pyjamas so that we could start spending nights together again. Rather than constantly wearing the less than sexy Playtex Midi Briefs I had invested in a few Gaffes that I found online, these weren't as big as the Playtex yet held things in place just as well, if not better. The result of this was the introduction of Shorty Pyjamas. Alex liked those because they exposed my legs, and I could still tell myself that men wear shorts so it was okay. Alex seemed to get a lot of satisfaction from simply stroking my body, especially the area where my genitals would have been had they not been tucked away neatly between my legs. She could spend ages running her hands over that patch, tickling my inner thighs even sometimes stroking my nipples through the fabric of my pyjamas. In return I would regularly use my fingers and tongue to bring her to orgasm. I guess that sounds a bit blasé really, believe me it shouldn't. I was pretty useless to start with but Alex would patiently guide me on where to touch and, just as importantly, how hard. I was desperate to please her and maintain the closeness that we had rediscovered in the bedroom so I worked really hard to get it right. I knew I was getting there when Alex referred to me as her lesbian lover.
To be honest, apart from the complete lack of actual sexual intercourse things were showing definite signs of improvement. Until breakfast that is. We still couldn't make the night time happiness make it through the daytime.
Unsurprisingly Alex eventually came up with a plan, and of course the first thing I knew of it was when I came home from work to find her sat at the kitchen table with a large glass of wine.
“O Oh,” I said smiling, “I know that face, someone's had an idea.”
She smiled back, albeit a little nervously. “Actually I have,” she confessed. “I was wondering if you might be ready to try something to make the days a bit better. I really like where we are at once the lights go out but as soon as you get dressed it all goes downhill again”
I couldn't argue with that. There had been too many mornings when, buoyed up from the night before, I had gone to give her a kiss or a cuddle whilst wearing my work clothes. The outcome was never good, and would sometimes impact on the next night as well. I was ready to try anything.
“I'm always willing to listen,” I responded, “Beyond that I can't make any promises.”
She dived straight in, “I was wondering if you would wear girl undies under your male clothes during the day. That way I'll know that you're still my night time buddy underneath that horrid male exterior.”
“You want me to wear knickers under my suit,” I said, pretending to think about it. In reality my experience of wearing knickers at night time had been so good that the thought of wearing them all of the time was quite alluring. Just as long as I don't get run over or anything. “I suppose I could do that,” I tried to sound grudging, like it was a tough decision.
“Not just knickers,” added Alex, “a bra too, or maybe a camisole. I think you'd look fantastic in a camisole. We'd make sure nobody can tell.”
“Oh don't worry about that, I have a few ideas.” She smiled, “come on. At least say you'll try. It would be so nice not to feel crappy every time you touch me. Please say you'll do it. For me.”
Talk about emotional blackmail. It was a good job that I was going to do it anyway, so I said yes and the next morning the time arrived. Lying on the chair where I kept my clothes was a clean pair of white satin knickers and a matching white satin camisole. I quickly slipped out of my pyjamas and jumped into the bath. It's strange looking back but beforehand I virtually never had baths it was showers all the way. By this point I had a quick, well quickish, bath every morning and occasionally a long luxuriating bath in the evening as well. Sunday mornings was proper bath day, whilst Alex had a lie in I would fill the bath with lots of hot water and bubbles grab a book, Bernard Cornwell, Clive Cussler, that sort of thing, and I would lay back and read for at least an hour.
But back to that morning, I jumped into the bath and had a really close all over shave, I didn't want Alex to know but I was actually quite excited about the feel of the camisole on my bare skin. As soon as I was hair free I washed using my scrunchie, rinsed, climbed out of the bath, patted myself dry, moisturised and then, wrapped in a towel, I went into the bedroom.
I picked the new underwear up and carried it over to the bed where I sat down, Alex was still snoring softly. Working from home really does have some benefits. I slipped my feet through the leg holes of the panties and slid them half way up my legs until they were just above my knees. I then lay back on the bed with my legs slightly apart, reached down and pushed my balls back into their cavities and pulled my penis back between my thighs. I squeezed my thighs together to hold it in place and pulled my panties all the way up, lifting my bum off the mattress to do the last little bit. When I finally stood up everything was all neatly tucked away and I had the smooth front that Alex seemed to like so much. I know I didn't really need to tuck because I was going to work and nobody there cared whether I had a smooth girly crotch but I had got into the habit and, if I'm honest, the knickers always looked nicer with a smooth front.
I then took the camisole off the bed and prepared to slip it on, this was it, the moment of truth how was I going to look. Putting the satin camisole on felt as wonderful as I knew it would so, feeling happy I returned to the chair and picked up my trousers, stepping into them and pulling them up to my waist. I then got a clean white shirt out of the wardrobe and pulled it on over the cami, expertly fastening the buttons before pulling on a tie and fastening it at the neck. Once dressed I stepped over to the mirror. At first glance it was okay, the material of my shirt was thick enough to hide the bodice of the camisole. But just as my hopes soared they came crashing back down, I could see lumps on my shoulder revealing the straps. When I turned side on and then pretended to reach for something the back of the straps were really obvious, I felt actual disappointment.
“Alex wake up,” I whispered to my sleeping wife. She opened her eyes blearily and looked at me.
“What is it?” she asked
“It won't work,” I said, “you can see the straps of the camisole through the shirt, everyone will know what I'm wearing. It'll be horrible.”
Alex opened her eyes fully and looked at me. “No it won't, look in the bag on the back of your chair”
I did as I was told and had a look. It was a Burton's bag and inside was a black waistcoat with a dark red satin back panel decorated with black roses.
“Try it on,” said Alex from the bed. So I did I slipped it on, fastened it and returned to the mirror. I hadn't worn a waistcoat for many years, I mean who does, but I really should have. It looked really nice, and you couldn't see the straps of the camisole at all.
“Happy?” asked Alex. I nodded
“Good now get down stairs and put the kettle on. I need a brew.”
It was a really weird day at work, when I was sat in my office I kept catching myself stroking my camisole through my shirt, I even unfastened my new waistcoat to give easier access. Out of the sanctuary of my private little office was a totally different situation. My waistcoat was firmly closed before I opened the door and every moment I was out I feared my discovery. What would happen if somebody patted me on the back? Would they feel the dreaded straps? I kept all trips across the main office down to a minimum.
When I got home Alex had dinner all prepared and sat on the kitchen table. I say prepared, she had been to KFC and bought a bucket meal. Not that I was complaining.
“How was your day?” she asked.
I smiled. “Nerve racking,” I replied, “But really nice too.” I think I might have blushed a little at that point. “The camisole felt really nice on my skin but I was dead worried that someone would catch me.”
“No, not even close. It didn't stop me worrying about it all day though.”
Alex smiled, “It might take a little while but I'm sure you'll get used to it and will completely forget that you're wearing it.” The smile faded a little, “I'm afraid I'm going to have to go away for a few days. There's a new magazine that's just starting up in New York and they want us to look after their European publishing for them. Adam thinks that I am the right person to go and sort it all out. It could be very lucrative for the company, and hopefully will get me a really big bonus.
“I've got to fly out in about,” she glanced at the kitchen clock, “oh, six hours or so. I'm really sorry honey. I wouldn't go if I didn't have to but Adam really needs this and, well it won't do me any harm to have American connections if I ever decide to go it alone.”
“Don't worry love,” I responded, putting on a brave face whilst disappointment filled my heart, “I'll still be here when you get back, can't say the same for this chicken though” I added grinning. “Come on, let's get eating before it gets too cold, do you want a drink?”
The next few days were filled with work. With Alex on the other side of the Atlantic there was no reason for me to race home at the end of the day so I worked late every night, getting all of the company’s customer accounts in order as well as researching some potential new clients to approach in the New Year. Before flying off Alex had given me several more camisole tops to wear under my suits, and I wore them. Every day that she was gone I wore a different camisole, all of them in pale colours so that they wouldn't show through my shirts and all of them in slippery, shiny satin. Within my collection I already had matching panties for every one of them so I looked beautifully co-ordinated underneath my oh so boring business suits. Alex was right about me getting used to them, within a few days I was wandering around the office completely at ease and nobody noticed a thing.
Alex ended up staying in New York for just over a week sorting out the details for the new contract and was exhausted by the time she returned. She got home late on Saturday and, after a light meal, went straight to bed and straight to sleep. On Sunday I allowed her to remain asleep until ten before waking her with a simple breakfast of bacon, tomatoes and mushrooms. Not forgetting the obligatory cup of tea. Having never been the sort to lounge around in pyjamas I was already dressed by this point. I had on a pair of black cargo pants, a grey t-shirt and a black hooded sweatshirt, naturally underneath I was clad in satin, pale pink and very feminine. Unfortunately for me Alex couldn't see it, and apparently she couldn't imagine it either so touching was still off the daytime agenda. I didn't want to push the point because she was evidently still very tired, and she did say that she might just need time to get used to it. To see me getting dressed every morning with my pretty girly underwear, protecting my body from the nasty man clothes I had to wear I don't know whether or not what she said actually made sense, or whether I just wanted it to make sense. But at that moment in time, to my ears it was the indisputable truth and I consigned myself to dressing in nothing but feminine under garments for the foreseeable future.
Christmas 2013 was a huge turning point in my life. I had been wearing girly undies for a few weeks now and had thrown away all of my man pants. Likewise, all my pyjamas were of the feminine variety, but they were still pyjamas, Alex seemed to have given up any attempts to get me into a nightie.
On Christmas morning we both went downstairs together, as always the last thing that we had done the previous evening was put each other’s Christmas presents under the tree so that we could pretend to be surprised that Santa had visited. I normally went in after Alex so she had the better surprise but this year she insisted that I went first.
Before opening the living room door, we went into the kitchen. I set up the coffee machine whilst Alex turned the oven on and got the orange juice and champagne out of the fridge. Another of our traditional Christmas acts was to start the day with a glass of bucks fizz while we opened our presents followed by a continental breakfast of coffee and croissants. At the age of 20 it had felt very grown up and sophisticated, now that we were grown up it reminded us how young we used to be. But it was nice.
So, glasses held ready we prepared to enter the living room.
“After you,” I said, following tradition as always, but Alex had other ideas.
“Not this year love,” she said, “this year I want to watch you go in first.” With that she stepped back and waved me through. I passed through the doorway and into the room, to my left was the pile of presents that I had carefully accumulated for Alex. To my right was a scene from a Hollywood romance tale.
A couple of dozen pink, white and red heart shaped, helium filled, balloons framed the scene. In its centre, sat on a miniature armchair, was a four-foot-tall giant teddy bear holding a big bunch of red roses. The chair was surrounded, quite literally, by a pile of beautifully wrapped gifts. I stopped dead in my tracks, completely overwhelmed by what I saw. Alex stepped up alongside and slipped her arm around my waist.
“What you have done for me this year has been incredible,” she said, “I don't think that anyone else would have put up with the way I shut you out for so long and they certainly wouldn't have done all of the things that you have done to help me to adjust. I am definitely the luckiest person alive to have a husband like you.” She paused. “I guess what I am trying to say is thank you and I love you.”
I actually laughed out loud and hugged her tight, kissing her on the top of her head.
“You daft bat,” I laughed, “I've done all those things because I love you, because you are so special.”
“Whatever your reasons you did them,” she took hold of my hand and gave me the first of my Christmas gifts, a small white box. I lifted the lid and looked inside, seeing the simple but elegant silver ring with a single mounted diamond flanked by a pair of purple sapphires. It was a very nice ring.
“I know that you won't be able to wear it often,” smiled Alex, “but I wanted to give you a symbol of my love for the feminine side that you have brought out just for me. May I?” She held out her hand and I placed the ring box in it. Taking the ring out of the box she took hold of my left hand with her left hand and used her right hand to place the ring on my ring finger directly above my wedding ring. “There, now you are husband and my girlfriend too. Shall we start the destruction?” And with that she picked up her first present and ripped the paper off, leaving me staring at a very feminine ring and trying to reconcile the thought that she had referred to me as her girlfriend. Alex squealed with delight at the sight of her first gift, an autographed first edition by JK Rowling.
“Oh Honey it's wonderful, thank you,” she purred, “here your turn.” As she spoke she moved to the pile of gifts around the giant teddy bear and, apparently at random, selected one. Handing it to me with a smile.
I carefully opened the package, trying not to rip the paper, the total opposite of Alex's actions with her present moments earlier. My first view of my gift was faded denim, to look at it was the same sort of denim that I had been wearing for most of my life. But to the touch it was very different. The material felt thinner and lighter than my regular jeans, but that is what the gift was, a new pair of jeans.
Impatiently Alex begged me to try them on and, as always I did as she wanted and, after taking of my pyjama shorts but not my knickers, I pulled the jeans up over my legs. The material felt much softer on my skin than I was used too and the jeans were tight around the top, tight but not uncomfortable. In fact, they were the opposite, they were very comfortable, and from my view they looked quite good too, although I would need to check in a mirror later to make sure. The present opening continued with us each helping ourselves to gifts from the relevant pile. It was the usual sort of fair, CD's, daft little puzzles, books, socks, bits of fun. Then Alex, instead of taking a gift from her pile she took one from mine and handed it to me.
“You have a few more left than me,” she said, “so you need to catch up.” I opened the parcel. This one contained a pack of two t-shirts, one white and one black. The most notable thing about them was the sleeves, they reminded me of the sort of thing that James Dean would have worn, rolled up to the top, you half expected there to be a packet of cigarettes hidden amongst the rolls. Pre-empting my wife's request, I slipped of my pyjama top and pulled the t-shirt on in its place. It fit perfectly and the James Dean sleeves really did make me feel like a bit of a rebel. Without giving me time to breathe Alex handed me yet another gift, this one a big box. Inside the box was a pair of Adidas trainers, white with silver flashes, but the markings on the insole were pink.
“Hang on,” I said, “are these girl's?”
“Yes,” replied Alex, “but you can't tell. Really you can't. Just try them on, please. Here you can wear your new socks too.” She handed me a pack of plain black socks that I had opened earlier, I had just registered that they were socks then, now I read the label. 'Ladies size 6-8', a realisation began to dawn on me. With a degree of trepidation, I pulled on the socks followed by the trainers. In my head I wondered what I looked like? How stupid did I appear in these girl’s clothes? I turned to leave the room so I could look at myself in the full length mirror in the hall. Alex followed close behind. My initial response upon seeing my reflection was one of relief, I actually looked pretty normal. The view improved dramatically when a pair of hands snaked around my waist.
“My girl,” she whispered, “you look perfect.”
“You don't think people will notice?” I asked, “What about my...” I waved my hand over my crotch, the tightness of the jeans doing nothing to hide the flatness between my legs.
“Nobody's going to be looking at your crotch,” laughed Alex, “except me of course, and I rather like it.” As she spoke her hands moved from my waist, one moved upwards to caress my chest, the other downwards to my flat fronted crotch. For the first time in months I was fully dressed and Alex wasn't repulsed by the touch of my body. In fact, she seemed to be rather enjoying herself, and making me rather enjoy it too. Sadly, it was over all too quickly, Alex removed her hands and stepped backwards.
“Come on, you look gorgeous,” she smiled, “but we've still got presents to open and I'm starving.”
It took longer than usual to open the presents that year but eventually we were sat down enjoying warm croissants and hot coffee, surveying the piles in front of us. My pile contained a lot more clothes, all of them ladies, but most of them in a style that could be passed off as male. The exceptions to that being new pyjamas and a pile of sexy underwear that Alex was desperate for me to model.
Apart from the presents I will never forget that Christmas Day for one big reason, for something I was beginning to doubt would ever happen again. After our Christmas dinner, which was marvellous if I may say so myself, Alex and I cuddled up on the sofa and watched TV all day. Having finally found a way to overcome her fears it was as though Alex couldn't bear to let me go and I wasn't about to argue. We did stop long enough to eat a tea of leftovers, cold turkey and stuffing sandwiches, that sort of thing, topped off with mince pies, Christmas cake and far too many chocolates and nuts. Even when we went up to bed Alex refused to let go, taking off my new jeans and t-shirt and dressing me in the sexiest of my new pyjamas, pale pink satin French knickers and a matching, loose fitting, low cut camisole top. My penis remained tightly tucked away in its gaffe, out of sight, but not quite out of mind. Well my mind anyway.
That night there was a lot of kissing and cuddling and I used my mouth to bring Alex to more than one orgasm. For her part Alex used her tongue and fingers to tease and torment my nipples causing me to tense up and tingles to reverberate around my chest. I could feel my penis trying to grow, trying to become erect, but it's fabric cage was too tight, too well constructed. Even when Alex turned her attentions away from my chest and down to my crotch it couldn't break free. Alex placed her hand inside my French Knickers down between my legs and began to stroke my tortured member through its filmy prison. Rubbing and stroking me, refusing to release me, instead drawing me towards a different kind of release. My breath quickened, my thoughts and feeling focusing on the area between my legs. Pressure and pleasure increasing in unison, my hips bucking as I pushed back against her hand. My eyes closed, shutting out all distractions, only one thing mattered now. Only the feeling, only the need, only the desire. Suddenly my stomach muscles tensed, my back arched and my penis exploded into orgasm. I could feel the semen squirting out, soaking the fabric of the gaffe and leaking out onto the tops of my thighs. Exhausted I fell back onto the pillows, Alex still hugging me close, preventing me from leaving the bed. That is how we fell asleep and that is how we awoke on Boxing Day morning. The first day ever that I had to wash semen off the tops of my legs and my crotch.
A Statement of Intent
Note by Sylvia Marchland: This section was compiled from interviews between myself and Alex Whitman. The subject Sam Whitman was unaware of these events at the time they took place.
I always picked up our prescriptions because I am at home during the day time and Sam is normally at work. It must have been March when the idea first hit me I suppose. Apart from workdays Sam was in lady’s clothes pretty much all the time, it made me feel good that she was prepared to do this for me and it had improved things between us. But they still weren't right. Her body hair was very coarse when it grew back in, more so now than when she first started shaving, and it seemed to me that it was growing back sooner as well. Touching her was fine when she was first shaved but after just a couple of days I could feel the first signs of stubble and it became harder and harder to cope.
I did some research online for ways to slow down regrowth and I found something very interesting. I discovered a whole series of websites dedicated to the idea of feminising men. Some of them were full of stories but others were more serious and gave tips on how to do it. I put the story sites to one side, possibly to return to later, and focused on the factual sites. That was where I found out about the hormone treatments.
I found a website that sold what I wanted and ordered the pills. There were three types of pills recommended. The first of these was Oestradiol, basically this is oestrogen and had I not researched properly would have been as far as I would have gone, but I did. I discovered that as well as Oestrogen Sam would also need a Progesterone tablet, I ordered her some medroxyprogesterone, and a Testosterone blocker, apparently the best one of those is called cyproterone so I got that as well. With hindsight I know it was stupid but at the time it seemed like a good idea, and I was desperate to make things perfect between Sam and me. I didn't stop to think about Sam. I did that quite a lot really, at times I can't understand why she stayed with me. I let my love, my need for her too blind me to sensible thought.
Getting her to take the pills was going to be the next problem, the oestrogen would be easy. The next time I picked up Sam's testosterone pills from the pharmacy I substituted in the bottle of oestrogen, I even copied the pharmacists label of the real bottle of testosterone and applied it to the fake bottle. When Sam asked why the pills looked different I just told her that the doctors had changed supplier because they were cheaper, but I assured her that they were just as good. It was at this point that I decided that I might not need to give her the testosterone blockers as she barely produced any of her own. That just left the progesterone and I had to get a little bit more creative. I went to a local health food store and purchased a bottle of slimming pills. I emptied the contents out and spent the next half hour popping the progesterone tablets out of their blister packs and putting them into the empty bottle. I printed another of my fake pharmacy labels to convince Sam that they were safe, I remember telling him that Maggie, our friend and Sam's endocrinologist had suggested we both take them because we had been putting rather a lot of weight on recently. In hindsight should have talked to Maggie first, I was lucky I didn't damage Sam. I don't think I could have coped if I'd hurt her.
The deception worked well and Sam started taking the hormones, I don't know what made me do it at the time, but I never threw out the testosterone pills. I got rid of the slimming pills as soon as I took them out of the bottle, but not the testosterone. I kept them, even though I had no intention of taking them. At least not then. That idea came later when we were on holiday at the cottage by the sea that my uncle owns. Sam had been on the hormones for three months by then and you could really see the difference. Well I could anyway and I had to come up with excuses to explain them away. It was almost funny listening to Sam complaining that she was losing weight from everywhere except her man boobs. Luckily she didn't seem to notice that her butt had gotten a bit rounder as well.
Eventually I realised that I would have to talk to Maggie after all. Since Sam's illness she had seen Maggie regularly, initially three times a year, then twice and now it had been reduced to just one visit a year and that visit was coming up. Before all of her appointments with Maggie Sam had to have her bloods taken and her hormone levels checked. I knew that Maggie would spot what I had done a mile off and even if she didn't know that it was deliberately done she would try and sort it out and I didn't want that.
I called Maggie and arranged to meet her at her office that same day. It wasn't the most pleasant meeting that I had ever had with my friend. She was extremely angry at first as I told her what had happened, but she softened a little as I explained why I had done it. By the end of my story we were both in floods of tears. It is strange that, in all the time that I had known Maggie we had never talked about my past, now that we had I felt strangely calmer.
She still wanted to stop giving Sam the hormones before they did any permanent damage but I begged her not too. I told her that our relationship was better than it had ever been, that Sam was more attentive than ever, she was happier than ever, and more importantly she was healthier than she had ever been before. She had more energy than she use to have, fewer aches and pains and even the baggy black rings around her eyes were beginning to fade. Eventually Maggie agreed to see Sam and her blood test results before making a decision. Although she did insist that, if she agreed to allow things to continue, she would take over the prescription of hormones so that they were controlled properly. She took notes of the pills that I had her on at the time and then I left. Feeling well chastised for putting my husband’s life at risk, I was equally ecstatic at the thought of an ally in my schemes.
I don't know what happened during Sam's appointment with Maggie, and I had too much to do preparing for our trip to the cottage to worry about it. What I do know is that two days before we were due to leave Maggie turned up with two bottles of pills to replace the ones that I had been buying online.
Excerpts from the private medical notes of Sam Whitman as written by Dr Maggie Sorenson PhD.
Sam's health appears to have improved drastically since our previous appointment. His blood tests show that, except for testosterone, everything is at a healthy level. Reading oestrogen levels as an alternative to testosterone they are lower than one would expect in a natural female but my calculations show that the dosage he has been given is too low for a man of his stature and if the dosage is corrected his levels will be acceptable. It is interesting to note that the dosage of testosterone that we had been prescribing over the last few years to achieve an acceptable level has been much higher that we would expect for a person of Sam's size and weight. At some point in the future I would like to investigate any reasons for this irregularity.
Talking to Sam he is happy in his life in general and more specifically in all aspects of his home life. Whilst I am still unsure of the ethical correctness of what I am about to do I accept the wife's claims that the path they are taking is the most beneficial for Sam's long term wellbeing and as such I will prescribe and monitor the necessary hormone treatments to facilitate his feminisation.
I accept any consequences that the medical board deem fit to apply should a complaint ever be made about the treatment of my patient, and friend, Sam Whitman
Dr Maggie Sorensson PhD.
Two Weeks at the Cottage
During my next sessions with Sam we talked extensively about the series of events that took place in the Devon Cottage that Sam and Alex used for their holidays in the summer of 2014
These events proved to be a major turning point in the makeup of the relationship between Sam and Alex. Whilst the seeds had been sown by Alex in the preceding months this was the first time that she had really taken the dominant role in the partnership.
Sam had so much to say on the subject that it took several sessions and a lot of tears to cover it all. What I heard during those sessions has led to some interesting ideas.
First Night at the Cottage
We arrived at the cottage at about 8 o’clock in the evening, I parked the car at the side of the house and carried the bags inside. Outside the sun was still shining and the air was warm. The air inside the old cottage managed to remain cool, probably due to the thick stone walls. I had never been to a place like this, the cottage sat at the end of a mile-long driveway and in several acres of forests and parkland. It even had a private beach, or so Alex told me.
It had been a long day so far. In order to make the most of our holiday we had decided to drive down to the cottage as soon as I got home after work on Friday afternoon. Luckily I managed to get away early, leaving at three instead of the normal five. I'd borrowed Sam's car for the day so that she could load all of the bags into my SUV and save a little more time.
This did mean that I arrived at the cottage in a suit, a man's suit. Whilst this didn't have the disastrous effect on Alex's psyche that it used to have she was still less friendly than when I wore my androgynous looking girl’s clothes.
I was in in the bedroom about to start unpacking when Alex walked in.
“I’ll do that Sam,” she said happily, “I’ve got a bit of a hankering for one of your special omelettes, if you don’t mind.” How could I mind, I love cooking and hate putting clothes away. It never entered my head to be worried. I had, after all, packed my bags the previous day so that we could leave as soon as I finished work.
Finding things in a strange kitchen is never easy and it took me so long to prepare the omelettes that Alex had finished the unpacking by the time I was ready to serve. Opening the fridge, she pulled out a bottle of Chardonnay that must have been left by the owners and poured us a couple of glasses.
“Here’s to the best holiday ever” she toasted clinking her glass against mine.
After dinner we stayed in the kitchen and played a few hands of cards, we had discovered canasta together soon after we got together and now played it every time we went away from home, it was kind of a tradition by this point I suppose. Alex made sure that the wine kept flowing, one bottle became two and I became ever so slightly tipsy.
Eventually, I began to tire and suggested that we retire for the night, Alex looked at me and took a deep breath.
“Sam,” she began, “I have a confession to make.” My eyebrows raised, “what?” I asked.
“Well, I kind of took your pyjamas out of the case and put something else in instead.” She went on, “please don’t be mad but I bought it for you a while ago but never plucked up the courage to ask you to wear it. I thought that, as we’re on holiday in the middle of nowhere you might take a chance”
What was she talking about? I wondered. Still, she looked kind of nervous and hopeful all at the same time. How bad could it be? I mean let’s face it I sometimes wore a bra; it couldn’t be much worse than that.
I walked into the bedroom with Alex right behind me. A La Senza bag lay on my side of the bed, carefully laid flat.
“Go get changed in the bathroom,” said Alex, “I want to get the full effect when you walk in.”
I picked up the bag and walked into the en-suite, pulling the door closed behind me. I pulled the light cord, waited a few moments for the light to come to life and then peeked into the bag, initially all I could see was some shiny black fabric. I reached in a lifted the fabric out, allowing it to unfold as I went. Finding two spaghetti straps I took hold of them and raised the item up. It was a relatively short, black nightdress with a lace bodice and satin skirt. A pink ribbon ran around the middle of the nightie finishing with a bow in the middle at the front. Now like I said, I sometimes wear a bra to help Alex with her issues so this shouldn’t be a problem but the reality was everything that I had done so far was either hidden under other clothes or had a hint of masculinity about them. Ladies pyjamas may be made of satin but they still have a pair of trousers and it is okay to wear trousers. This nightdress did not have a single shred of masculinity about it. But, Alex wanted me to do it, and she had looked quite excited at the prospect. It couldn’t really hurt could it? It was only clothing, what’s one more step? With that I slipped of my suit, pulled off my socks and stood in front of the mirror in just my panties. I shook my head, I’m wearing panties, handed to me by wife this morning, and I’m worried about wearing a nightie, oh well in for a penny.
I gathered the material up and slipped my arms through the straps. Raising them up the nightdress slid easily past my shoulders, caused me to shiver delightfully as it passed over my chest and raised goose bumps on my skin before settling a third of the way down my thighs. Quickly turning off the bathroom light so that I wouldn’t catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror and lose my nerve, I stepped towards the door. As soon as I took that first step the skirt moved against my hairless legs and sent even more tingles through my skin. Not for the first time I thought how much we men missed out on with our heavy clothes and hairy bodies. As I stepped into the bedroom I could see that Alex was already in bed, the covers pulled up, even on a warm night like this one. As soon as she saw me her face lit up.
“I was right,” she squealed, “you look darling. Come on, get into bed.”
So I did. I climbed into bed, pulled the covers up and prepared to go to sleep, after all we hadn’t made love for almost 3 months now, why would tonight be any different. It did feel nice when Alex snuggled up and put her arm across my body. I started to doze quite quickly, but not for long.
Alex surprised me as she started to caress my nipples through the lacy fabric of the nightdress causing all the muscles of my stomach and groin to clench simultaneously. Teasingly she kept gently tormenting me, smiling every time my back arched or a moan escaped my lips. Her lips moved down to my right nipple, gently nipping at the flesh and causing more pleasurable sensations to flow through my body. Her, now freed up, hand slid sensuously down my lace clad stomach and satin covered legs until it reached the bottom of the nightie before starting the return journey, this time pushing the fabric before it. My head was reeling in reaction to what was happening and in anticipation of what was about to happen. Over the last few months my body had become so sensitive that every movement Alex made threatened to send me over the edge.
When Alex’s hand reached my waist it stopped its upwards journey and started to explore the area around my genitals, as always tucked neatly away between my legs. Her hand circled the area, dropping slightly to gently tickle the inside of my thighs and thus sending a whole new wave of sensations up and down my body, at the same time she bit my nipple a little harder this time it wasn’t a moan that escaped my lips it was a gasp. When the two waves of pleasure collided in my core my whole body tensed hard, my back arched and it felt as though a thousand butterflies were let loose in my stomach and the surrounding muscles. Wave after wave of pleasure flowed like electricity through my entire length, and still Alex tormented my, now aching, nipples and her hand moved to a place at the base of my ball sack and started to rub it, as a man would rub a clitoris. Unbelievably this moved me to an even higher plane and I was losing control of my senses. I don’t know how much came out of my mouth but in my head I was screaming at her not to stop and screaming to God, even though I’m not a religious type, to make it stop. Flashes started to appear in my vision, fireworks suddenly making sense. Muscle contractions getting smaller and quicker until my insides felt as though they were trembling and then suddenly, everything contracted at once, a final arching of my back and I relaxed in a tide of pleasure.
When I opened my eyes a couple of minutes later Alex was looking down at me a huge grin on her face.
“Somebody seemed to enjoy that,” she smiled, “and do you know the best bit?” With this her hand slid down to my penis and grasped it just hard enough to send a fresh batch of tingles up to my chest. “We’re still dry and hard down here so now I can have a turn.”
Somehow keeping her hand on my penis Alex slid out of her pyjama trousers and, by now very damp, knickers, incredibly I was already starting to feel aroused again as she released my penis from my own knickers and dragged them down my legs. With one last tickle of my thighs she swung her leg over my body and settled herself onto my engorged member. Naturally I expected us to start making love straight away, I certainly did not expect her to lean forwards and carefully raise her left leg, moving it over my right one and forcibly pushing it down between my legs spreading them apart. She then repeated the motion with her right leg, very gingerly wriggling to get herself comfortable and forcing my legs wider apart and causing me to draw my knees up in order to accommodate her body.
Once settled, Alex put both her hands on my chest and began, once more, to play with my nipples and the surrounding flesh, round two had started in earnest. To start with she kept her lower body very still, concentrating solely on my nipples. Drawing me into pleasure as she had done before, only this time when I tried to arch my back I had the weight of another person between my legs and the movement sent a feeling of pleasure through my groin. As I started to move so did Alex, carefully moving against me so that our bodies would clash together at each stroke, her hands now kneading at my breasts. The tensing of my body caused my head to rise of the pillow and I was able to look down the length of our bodies. By this point my brain was reeling at the variety of sensations that were filling every inch of my being and I had a little difficulty interpreting what my eyes were seeing.
I could see what I knew to be my body, encased in lace and satin, with a pair of hands working at my chest. For the first time I realised that Alex had removed her nail varnish and clipped her nails short, she was also wearing what appeared to be a man’s watch and signet ring. Just above the point where our bodies met my satin nightdress was covered by the bottom of a blue and white, striped, cotton pyjama jacket and whilst I couldn’t see any genitalia I could see my own legs sticking up on either side of the pyjama clad body. A body that was moving in an up and down type of motion. What my eyes saw was a woman quite clearly being fucked by a man. What my brain had a problem with is the fact that I was the woman, and I was really enjoying being fucked this way.
I don’t really understand how or why, but for the first time in our relationship Alex came before I did, and as soon as she had she stopped. She just climbed off me and rolled over leaving me feeling really aroused and more than just a little bit frustrated. Now whilst I know that this is supposedly the so called stereotypical behaviour of a man coupling with a woman, it was something that I had never done to Alex, always making sure that she orgasmed before we finished whether with hands, mouth or toys. Thus it was that I eventually fell asleep, and started to dream.
I was awakened to a darkened room and the sensation of hands on my chest, caressing my nipples, half asleep I allowed myself to simply lay back and enjoy the sensations. As I started to writhe with pleasure one of the hands left my chest and moved lower, once again finding the point at the base of my ball sack and rubbing it gently, a moan slipped from my lips.
“Hmmm, you like me playing with your clit don’t you?” whispered Alex, her mouth right next to my ear and the movement of her breath sending chills down my spine. Without thinking I answered with a happy, affirmative moan.
“Would you like me to fuck you?” she asked, already I was starting to tingle all over and again I answered in the affirmative, “Yes, oh yes” I moaned.
“Yes I would like you to fuck me” part of me couldn’t really comprehend the words coming out of my mouth, I should be fucking her surely. But by this point my half asleep brain had already lost out to my totally aroused body.
As before Alex straddled me and slid my penis into her body, no messing with underwear this time, I hadn’t replaced my knickers after the first time. Carefully she started to move her leg, pushing it between mine and then repeating the process with the other. Again she played with my nipples, teasing and tormenting until I started to move against her before starting to rock back and forth grinding against my body, dominating the intercourse, sometimes slowing down and being incredibly gentle before crashing down in several hard, fast thrusts. I don’t know how long this went on for, it seemed like ages whilst not being long enough but eventually, and too soon I came. At exactly the same moment Alex came as well and we melted into each other for a brief moment before Alex once again rolled over and went to sleep. Leaving me to my thoughts.
Now I have to admit that I was not the most experienced lover when we first met, nor has our sex life up until this point been earth shattering. But I do know that the orgasm I had just experienced was unlike anything I had felt before. Previously, in full man mode as it were, my orgasms were centred on my groin. The pressure would build and then every spurt would just draw the focus in tighter. Tonight my whole body was affected, instead of feelings flowing into my groin they flowed outwards from my groin and nipples. If anything the main focus was my stomach, but everywhere tingled and glowed. When it was over I didn’t want to just roll over and sleep, instead I wanted to lay and bask in the glow, my leg muscles still quivering after the exertions they had been through.
Luckily I did fall asleep relatively quickly because Alex woke me up again before dawn and we did it for a third time, same routine and same results.
A New Day, A New Me
The fourth time I woke I was alone, and it was daylight. I lay in the morning sunlight and reflected on the previous evening. Whilst it had been very surreal and a bit disconcerting I had to admit it had been fantastic. Obviously Alex enjoyed it too, otherwise she wouldn’t have kept waking me up to do it again.
From the kitchen I caught the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and decided it was time to get out of bed. Looking over to the chair where I had left my clothes the night before I saw that my suit and shirt had been replaced by a smaller pile of clothes and a piece of white paper. I wandered over and picked up the paper, on it were just three words, “For Me, Please.” I put the paper down and looked at the pile on the chair, on the very top was a simple pair of cream coloured, strappy sandals with a very small, no more than a half inch, wedge heel. Under the shoes was a matching set of white satin underwear with a delicate lavender coloured bow motif, in the centre of the bra and a quarter of the way in on each side of the knickers. Taking a deep breath, I pulled my nightie over my head and tossed it onto the bed. I carefully stepped into the panties and pulled them half way up before pushing my balls back into my body and tucking my penis between my legs. Squeezing my thighs together to hold everything in place I carefully worked the panties up until they sat, snuggly, in position. Next came the bra, and as I slipped my arms through the straps I thought back to the first times that Alex had me wear one and had to fasten it at the front and then spin it round. These days I could reach behind my back and fasten it without even thinking. Once it was fastened I realised that Alex had somehow managed to find a 38aa so even with the small amount of flesh I had it didn’t look too baggy in the cups.
A cap sleeved, plain white top followed. Apart from the sleeves there was nothing overly feminine about it and the high V-neck helped to disguise the lack of chest, although you could make out the outline of the bra underneath. At least being in the middle of nowhere it was unlikely that anyone would see me. Keeping that in mind I picked up the final item on the pile. I already knew what it was but, even so, my heart was racing. It was a grey pleated skirt, about mid-thigh and decorated with a small black leather strap and silver buckle. Having slipped on the sandals I walked over to the mirror, checked my hair and studied my reflection. Personally I still think I looked a bit wrong, even with the amount of weight that I had lost since I started taking the pills I felt that my figure was too straight up and down for this sort of outfit. What did stand out was the last bit of flesh on my chest that hadn’t disappeared with the rest of the flab. With the outfit, and a properly fitting bra, it struck me that these looked more like breasts than man boobs. They didn’t stretch around the side in the same way they used to, rather they sat, perfectly in the middle of my chest, far too small for someone of my stature but definitely the right shape. How could this be possible?
I had to drag myself away from the mirror and walked into the kitchen. Alex was stood at the sink with her back to me wearing a pair of jeans and a loose fitting cotton shirt. The noise that my sandals made as I stepped from the carpet of the hallway onto the tiled floor of the kitchen caused her to turn and look. Her eyes widened and she took in a sharp breath.
“Wow, look at you,” she started, “you look incredible.”
“God yes, come here and I’ll prove it.” With that she crossed the kitchen towards me, put her arms around my waist and drew me in for a kiss. Immediately the confused thoughts from the night before rose up, before last night we had gone months without making love and before that when we had made love, with me being the man, it had only ever been adequate. But the sex last night with me in the feminine position had been great, and Alex certainly seemed to enjoy the dominant role. Maybe taking things further was not the bad idea I had first thought. As these thoughts passed through my mind Alex made her opinion clear. Whilst her left hand slid under my top to caress my right nipple through the satiny material of the bra cup her right hand started to gently pull me down onto the kitchen floor. I don’t know whether I really wanted to resist or not, but as electricity passed into my body from the selected breast I found my legs going weak and I could do nothing but sink down as gracefully as possible. Alex pulled my top up over my head, trapping my arms in the sleeves. Looking down at my chest she smiled happily and murmured something about me looking better when I get bigger breasts, not that I was paying too much attention to what she said as her hands began their now familiar routine on my nipples. It wasn’t long before I felt a moan slip out between my lips, at the same time I felt my legs open. Not with help from Alex, this was almost like a reflex action and had happened before even I was aware of it. Alex noticed quickly enough mind.
“Hmm,” she chuckled, “somebody’s keen. Would you like me to play with your clit?”
“Oh yes please,” I moaned
“Well then you need to ask me, and ask me properly mind.” Even in my befuddled state, I could swear that the smile on her face was more than a little evil.
“What do you mean?” I asked
“Ask me to play with your clit silly. If you want me to do things then you have to ask me, I’m not psychic you know”
Taking a deep breath as another bolt of lightning exploded in my nipple I asked.
“Please Alex, will play with my clit”
“Of course I will sweetie, anything for my girl.”
True to her word Alex’s hand slid under my skirt and found the patch at the base of my ball sack that she had decided was my clit and she began to rub it, gently pushing her finger into the flesh and causing my legs to open even wider.
Alex, a knowing grin on her face, drew me to the point of orgasm just by playing with my nipples and clit, before sitting back, withdrawing her hands.
“Sorry honey,” she said, “but you look far too good to enjoy all the fun. I am so horny right now that I need to fuck your brains out.” She rocked back on her heels and unfastened the belt and buttons on her jeans, as she stood she eased them over her hips until they fell to the floor, exposing a very manly pair of boxer shorts. As she stepped out of the jeans I also noticed that she was wearing socks that were also, probably, men’s. Alex was sending a very clear message, for the duration of this holiday at least, Alex was the man in the relationship and she was leaving no room for questions.
She lowered the boxers and stepped out of them to kneel on the floor next to me. Raising my skirt, she took hold of my knickers and pulled them down. Coming back up she ran her hand up the inside of my leg all the way up to the top and much to my horror my legs, which had closed in order to take my knickers off, instantly parted to allow easy access. Why was my body responding like this? And so quickly too. Until last night the idea of me taking the female role during sex hadn’t even thought about the possibility of entering my head and yet here I was responding in the most feminine way possible to the slightest touch. That was as far as I got before Alex settled herself on top and manoeuvred herself between my legs. I instantly felt a warm glow emanating from my stomach and spreading through my body, for a moment I worried that I was going to ejaculate but the sensation seemed to wash under my penis and down my legs whilst, at the same time, moving upwards into my chest.
This time during the actual sex Alex didn’t bother playing with my nipples, instead she balanced one hand on the floor and used the other to play with herself until she became too aroused and then she just concentrated on moving her body against mine in order to maximise her pleasure. Please don’t get me wrong here, it was still a very pleasurable experience but I did find myself wishing that my hands weren’t trapped in my t-shirt above my head so that I could at least play with my own nipples, which was a first, and for the second time in two days Alex reached orgasm without me, and for the second time she just got off and left me wanting. Although she did give me a kiss on the forehead before she stood up, picked up her clothes, and walked into the bedroom.
“There’s coffee in the pot honey,” she called over her shoulder as she walked away, “be a dear and pour me a cup will you”
By the time Alex had sorted herself out and we had drunk our coffee it was too late for breakfast so we decided on a late brunch, early lunch of scrambled eggs and lean bacon on toast. I have to confess after the exertions of the morning and previous night I was famished and ate more than I would normally. Once we had eaten Alex suggested that we go and explore.
“What like this?” I asked horrified.
“Of course like that, silly,” she responded, “we’re in the middle of nowhere, on a private estate. Nobody can come anywhere near us. I promise that the only person who will see you is me, and I like what I see. Now don’t be daft and come on.” With that she grabbed me by the hand and dragged me out of the door, before hopping back inside to grab her trainers. There I was stood outside, on my own, in a skirt. The wind was warm and soft. Not only did it caress my legs as it would in a pair of shorts, but better being hairless. The wind also got under my short skirt and caused new sensations higher up. I don’t know what it was, whether it was all the attention I had received from Alex or what, but right now my body seemed to react to almost any form of stimulation.
“Come on slow poke,” called Alex as she strode past me and headed down towards the wood. Struggling slightly until I could adjust my walk to the slight heels in my sandals I followed, praying that she was right and we wouldn’t come across any trespassers or lost tourists.
When we reached the edge of the woods Alex waited for me to catch up and put her arm around my waist to propel me into the trees first. We walked down the narrow path, me in the front Alex behind. Occasionally commenting on interesting pieces of flora, and even fauna. As we came up on a small clearing Alex came up and grabbed me from behind, whispering closely in my ear,
“I’m sorry honey,” she whispered, “but your butt in that skirt is driving me mad.”
With that she turned me round put her hands under my skirt to grab the aforementioned bottom and hungrily kissed me on the mouth. Squeezing my cheeks, she leaned into me causing me to stumble backwards until I fell over an exposed tree root. Luckily I fell backwards onto some rather soft bracken, Alex falling on top of me, laughing.
“Oh baby, I’m sorry,” she laughed, “are you alright?” I started to nod, but didn’t get far before her mouth closed over mine once more and her hands started to traverse the skin under my clothes.
It’s strange but on the few occasions that I had sex outdoors in full man mode, I was petrified that someone would walk past and see me. But now, for the first time since I stepped out of the house I really didn’t care who saw me. Even though Alex, once again, acted more for herself than me, what she did do coupled with the excitement of being outside was enough for me to have one of those, what I called, girl orgasms. No ejaculation, just wave after wave of pleasure flowing through my body and turning my muscles to jelly. Unlike before, just before she came, Alex reached down and grabbed my breasts, squeezing the little flesh that there was, rubbing and pinching my nipples, and quickly bringing me up to a very, sexually heightened, state. But then she orgasmed herself and immediately lost interest, quickly climbing off, replacing her boxer shorts, jeans and trainers before sitting down next to me. I noticed that she hadn’t taken her socks off again.
As you can imagine I was still feeling incredibly turned on but when I tried to revive Alex’s interest she pushed me away saying “Oh I’m sorry baby, I tried to hold out but I couldn’t and once I’ve come I just can’t carry on. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
We must have sat there for a good thirty minutes whilst Alex ‘recovered’, the whole time my body was aching for contact. At one point I did catch myself playing with one of my nipples. I quickly pulled my hand away and glanced over at Alex. Although she was apparently gazing off into the trees the smile on her face told me that I hadn’t been quick enough. Once again I was left wondering what was happening to me, and what was Alex up to.
At last we carried on with our walk eventually coming out of the woods into a field from which we could see the sea. As we crossed the field, side by side, Alex put her arm around my waist and pulled me close. Even though she did nothing more the weight of her hand on my skirted hip and the pressure of her body pressed against mine was enough to set my sexual frustrations tingling once more. Desperately I hunted around for things to distract myself, what I noticed was the strange way that, as we walked, my stride was altering to match Alex’s. My steps had become shorter and my hips were being pushed into a wiggle by the movement of hers and as I had become comfortable in the sandals I realised that I had suddenly developed a rather girly walk. At least it would revert to normal when we weren’t so close together, I hoped.
When we reached the edge of the field we were greeted with an incredible view of the ocean. Below us was a small cove separated from other beaches by cliffs extending beyond the beach and into the sea. The beach could be reached by a small dirt path that gently meandered across the hill face broken up by wooden steps to cover the steepest parts.
“Oh wow,” exclaimed Alex, “it’s wonderful. Come on, I’ve got plans for that beach.” With that she was off, down the path, simply expecting me to follow. Which I did, of course. My sandals were not well equipped for the little path, unlike Alex’s trainers, so she was sat in the sun by the time I got to the bottom of the path. Kicking of my sandals as soon as they filled with sand I walked across the beach enjoying the feel of the sand between my toes, something I hadn’t done since I was a kid.
As I approached Alex got up and smiled sweetly, “I believe that I have some making up to do” she purred and slid her hands around my waist. Could we really be about to do it for the sixth time in approximately 12 hours? I had certainly never done that before. My answer came quickly as Alex moved her hands slightly and I felt my skirt loosen around my waist, another small movement and it fell to the floor. Even as it fell Alex grabbed my top and lifted it over my head, throwing it carelessly across the beach. Instantly the warm summer’s breeze tickled my already sensitive skin and I rapidly went from worrying about somebody seeing me wearing a skirt and top to not being at all bothered if somebody saw me virtually naked, apart from a bra and knickers set. All I cared about right now was feeling Alex’s touch against my body. I wasn’t kept waiting long, stepping behind me her hands came around my body stroking from just below my knickers right up to my breasts. As if this wasn’t enough her mouth began to nibble at my neck and ear, I was quickly learning that this was another part of my body that had been ignored for too long. I laid my head back onto her shoulder and gently arched my back in response to the pressure on my nipples. Carefully Alex used this to lower me to the warm, tickly, sand.
“Right,” she said, as she sank to the sand beside me, “how many orgasms will it take to make up for earlier, four? five? more?” Obviously my face said more than words ever could because she laughed happily before carrying on, “I tell you what, why don’t we just go with the flow, there’s no rush to get back after all.”
She leant over and kissed me on the mouth, unlike the desperate hungry kisses of earlier this was soft and lingering, I could almost feel my heart and body simply melting into it. Such a wonderful kiss was enough to make a small moan rise up in my throat. She almost didn’t break the kiss as she moved her head down to my chest and moved a bra cup out of the way so that she could transfer the kiss from my mouth to my nipple. As she did this her hand slipped down my body and reached between my legs which, even now to my surprise, were spread wide and ready. Her hand reached its target and began its work. Whilst the unconscious opening of my legs was still a surprise the speed at which my first girl orgasm spread through my body was not totally unexpected. But this was my first experience of a soft gentle orgasm that simply rolled through my body, leaving me warm and tingling all over but not worn out. If only I’d realised.
Alex barely stopped before she moved her head down to my waist. Being very careful not to touch my penis she started to kiss, lick, suck and nibble. Every touch was like an electric shock, picking up from where the previous orgasm had left off, only I already knew that the next one was going to be much more intense. She kept moving around until her body was between my legs before stretching up with her hands to quickly tweak my nipples, my reaction was incredible, almost like a small orgasm right there and then concentrated in the upper half of my body. As my back arched in response her hands slipped from their spot on my breasts, around my back and down to my bum lifting it off the ground and gently pulling my cheeks apart. Putting her head back between my legs she lowered it until her tongue was next to my clit and then she stuck it out, licking what was rapidly becoming my most sensitive area, I almost exploded again. For about a minute she tongued my clit through my knickers, but as soon as that sensation started to become acceptable she moved them aside and attacked bare flesh. The sensations ratcheted up again. At some point her hands joined in, I’m not one hundred per cent when but I slowly became aware of them caressing my cheeks and occasionally slipping down into my crack. I could feel the orgasm building throughout my body, muscles in my stomach were tightening harder and harder, my legs were pushing down trying to raise my pelvis closer to its tormentor and my head was tingling. As I felt her finger enter my anus I peaked, with what can only be described as a squeal my whole body was rocked with orgasms, fireworks exploded in my head for only the second time in my life, and in less than two days, muscles stretched to breaking point before relaxing into a trembling mass, my heart and breathing seemed to stop before coming back in and racing to catch up. I’m pretty sure that, during all of this, I heard Alex say “interesting”
This time she let me rest for a couple of minutes before starting on my nipples once again, my brain tried to react, to tell her to stop, that I couldn’t take any more. But apparently my body disagreed and my back arched at the top to lift my breasts nearer to her teasing fingers. All that my brain and mouth could manage between them was a half gasp half moan. She leant across me slightly to put her mouth near to my neck, but she didn’t nibble, instead she whispered in my ear.
“Would you like me to make love you Hun?” she whispered, the motion of her breath in my ear causing me to tense up again.
“Oh yes please,” I moaned.
“Yes please what?” she responded
“Please will you make love to me?” I could hear the pleading in my voice and I hated it, but not enough to stop, I was starting to lose control.
“I’m sorry, I can’t quite hear you.” She teased, gently running a finger down the crack of my butt and over my anus.
“Please will you make love to me?” I repeated slightly louder than previously and even more pathetic sounding.
“Nope still can’t hear you.” This time her finger slipped inside, just a couple of days ago I would have been horrified at this and stopped it immediately. But now it actually felt good, and I was desperate for release.
“Please will you fuck me, please? Like right now” This time I pretty much shouted, no concerns about anyone being on the beach the other side of the cliffs over hearing me, I couldn’t have cared less if there was a group of lads watching from the top of the hill. I was way beyond caring at this point.
“Maybe later,” she replied, “I’ve not finished playing yet.”
With that I felt a second finger push into my anus and her mouth take up station on my clit. I was learning so much about the human body at that moment, her fingers were causing new sensations inside of me that I had never experienced before, and I loved them I could already feel the third orgasm building up inside of me. Her free hand blindly felt its way up my body until it found the satiny material of my bra cup, grabbing and rubbing at the area, the inconsistent pressure on my nipples, at that stage had more effect than a constant rubbing. Her fingers started to slide in and out of my anus, wiggling and rubbing as they went, almost seamlessly she slipped a third finger in filling me and driving the pleasure levels up. Lost in the moment I started to move against her hand, my breathing had become very ragged, my eyes closed, my mouth open. I could hear a sort of panting moaning noise somewhere nearby, but didn’t realise that it was me. My feet were digging up little mounds of sand as I tried to get purchase to make sure that I could take in the maximum amount of the pleasuring fingers between my legs. The moaning and panting noise was getting louder and louder, my chest heaved as my breathing got more ragged, then somebody shouted “Oh my God, yes” and I orgasmed for the third time in an hour. These were not simple waves of pleasure; these were tidal waves. All that I could do was lie on the sand, muscles trembling, more moans escaping my lips as aftershocks shot out from my stomach as though to make sure that every millimetre of my body had been properly dealt with. Inside my eyelids the firework still flashed occasionally, but the show was slowing down and a hazy darkness was moving in. It is fair to say that, never in my life, had I felt as happy, tranquil and content as I did at the moment.
A voice spoke through the haze in my head, “Oh good, still dry here” and I felt something press against my groin.
“Oh God, no more” I squeaked.
“Sorry babe,” just one more and then you can rest for a bit.”
I didn’t even open my eyes as the hand fiddled around in my knickers for a moment until my penis sprung out. I listened as the voice muttered “hmm a bit soft still, probably tired.” I almost levitated off the sand when a finger tweaked my nipple and sent fresh aftershocks through my body, a gasp escaped my lips and the fingers kept working. There was no building up of a new orgasm this time, every touched simply produced a new wave of the last one. “That’s better said the voice” and I felt a weight settle on my groin, I still didn’t open my eyes, and my brain stayed resolutely out of commission. The weight moved around a bit and I spread my legs a bit wider to let it in before squeezing them tight to try and keep it there. The weight started to move in a steady thrusting motion and the fingers resumed their manipulation of my nipples, the aftershocks became stronger as they slid over my body, each one more powerful than the first orgasm I had achieved on the beach earlier that day, and each one more powerful than the last. The moaning panting voice came back, I could just hear it through the fog in my brain, and this time it started to talk.
“Oh God yes,” it said, “Fuck me. Fuck me harder, Oh Christ, oh yes, oh please fuck me” I actually started to get a bit annoyed with this voice, it was making all this noise whilst I was desperately trying to enjoy the lovemaking that was going on.
And then, through all the pleasure I felt a growing tension in my groin, the moaning voice gave a rather strangled “Oh no” and I ejaculated. It was horrible, all of the happy feelings seemed to flow down to my groin and out of my body leaving me feeling more drained than anything. I felt Alex move off, but I guess I must have dozed off pretty quickly because I was woken by a nudge, “best turnover baby, you don’t want to burn, I’ll rub some lotion into your back for you.” I dutifully did as I was told and relaxed as she rubbed the cold lotion into my back, vaguely remembering the same sensations on my front whilst I was dozing. “There that’ll make you really tan well, you’ll be so brown you lucky girl.” A thought tried to fight its way to the surface of my brain, something about tanning lotion as opposed to sun cream, but it didn’t quite manage to make it through and I disappeared into my dreams again. I think it’s important to point out that these dreams were special in two ways, at least I think it’s two ways. Because of the first way it might not be, you see this was the first time I had really remembered my dreams after I woke up. It was also the first time to my recollection, see what I mean, that I dreamt that I was a woman. Not a man dressed up as a woman, I was a woman in my dreams.
Alex did eventually wake me up, with a kiss. Opening my eyes, I looked up at her and smiled, the memory of the final, disappointing, male orgasm had been squashed in the depths of my mind and the wonderful sensations of multiple girl orgasms made me feel very special.
“Come on Sleepyhead, smiled Alex, “it's time that we make a move and go back to the cottage, I’m getting hungry”
Slowly I pushed myself up into a sitting position, even after a sleep my muscles felt a bit wobbly. I looked down at my legs and saw that they were covered in sand.
“You might want to wash that off before you get dressed,” suggested Alex, “otherwise your clothes will rub something rotten.”
Nodding dumbly, I stood up and ambled down to the sea and bent over to scoop handfuls of water up over my skin.
“Oh for God’s sake,” shouted Alex, “as fantastic as the view is,” I blushed, “just get in the water and wash it off”
“But my clothes will get wet,” I responded.
“You’ll be dry by the time we reach the field,” she came back, “you can get dressed up there”
Consigning myself to my fate I walked further into the water before diving headlong into a wave. When I surfaced the sand had completely vanished and, to my horror, my underwear had become see through. Unsurprisingly Alex insisted that I walked up the hill first. Long before the top she was grabbing and, for want of better word, groping. When we reached the top she quickly dropped my clothes onto the floor and pulled me in for a kiss. We ended up making love again, on top of the hill, waves washing up the beach, wind murmuring in the trees. Me, basically naked. Alex, almost fully clothed, only kicking off her trousers and boxer shorts at the last minute. I had a wonderful girl orgasm just before Alex had hers. I didn’t ejaculate, and do you know what, I didn’t mind one bit.
We did eventually make it back to the cottage with only one further stop on the way. No actual sex this time, but Alex did bring me to orgasm with her fingers whilst I was pushed up against a tree. The well placed knot, protruding out of the tree might have helped a little.
It was left to me to prepare tea again whilst Alex relaxed in front of the television. She hadn’t actually asked me to make the tea, she just dropped into the armchair, turned on the TV and said “I’m famished, will tea be long?” Subtle as a sledgehammer my Alex, she did ask straight out for a beer though, you know in that typically male way, “while you’re out there you couldn’t grab me a beer could you babe?”
Oh well, after the afternoon I’d had I couldn’t really complain.
I kept dinner simple and relatively light, aware of the rather fattening brunch we’d had and keen not to put the flab back on so I decided to grill some seasoned lean chicken breasts, served with salad. Minimal lettuce lots of everything else. Very filling but virtually no fat. I even tried to do the washing up afterwards but was barely half way through when Alex dragged me away. At least this time we made as far as the rug in front of the fireplace rather than the hard kitchen floor of this morning. Second time in a row I didn’t ejaculate, I just enjoyed the girl orgasm and the fact that it stayed with me even after we’d finished.
Before bed that night I looked for my testosterone pills, I hadn’t taken them the night before and the Doctor would moan if my blood counts were wrong so I wasn’t going to forget again. But I couldn’t find them.
“Alex,” I called, “have you seen my man-pills?”
“No, let me guess you forgot to bring them.” She laughed
“I could have sworn I packed them” I replied, “I guess not”
“Well it’s a good job I picked some more up yesterday, isn’t it?” she said as she walked into the bathroom and passed me a white plastic tub of capsules. “They can’t get your usual ones but Maggie assures me that these are just as good” She backed out of the room, turned and then, as though it was an afterthought called over her shoulder, “don’t be long, I’ll be waiting for you in bed, you sexy little minx, I left your nightie and a clean pair of panties on the side for you. I think those have seen enough action for one day, don’t you?”
Left alone in the bathroom I reached behind myself and unzipped my skirt. I let it fall to the floor and stepped out of the puddle of material. As I bent down to pick it up something didn’t look right, but I couldn’t tell what. After I pulled my t-shirt over my head I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and it hit me. Square between the eyes as it were, my underwear was too bright. When I got dressed this morning my underwear was discrete against my skin, now the whiteness was almost dazzling. I reached around and fumbled with the clasp at the back of my bra, it felt like an age before I finally felt it give and I dropped the bra down my arms. It wasn’t the clothes it was me, the skin under my bra was a pale milky white, and the rest of it had already turned a deep, luxurious brown. When I pulled down my panties it was the same picture, I had some serious tan lines that just screamed girl.
With a sigh I pulled on the panties that Alex had left for me, a pair of panties that quite successfully failed to cover the untanned area of skin, black panties, strip of white flesh then an expanse of tanned flesh. Even with my nightie on you could see the two toned skin through the lace bodice and the wide strap lines left by the bra behind the narrower spaghetti straps of the nightie. I turned the bathroom light off and stepped into the bedroom. If anything the tan lines made Alex even keener and she really struggled to keep her hands to herself all night.
The next day I didn’t wake up until gone half ten in the morning. The previous days, and nights, exertions had left their toll on my body and my muscles ached. There was nothing for it but a shower, grabbing a towel off the dressing table I wandered into the bathroom. The shower was a really nice one, big head, powerful jets, the only problem was that it had a mirror in it, I mean who puts a mirror in a shower. Seriously creepy if you ask me. Of course it meant that I couldn’t tear my eyes away from my tan lines the whole time that I was in the shower, so I wasn’t quite as refreshed as I’d hoped when I got out.
Carefully drying off I walked into the bedroom. Alex must have woken up whilst I was in the shower and had wandered off. On the chair there was another pile of clothes and another note. This one read “It’s up to you.” I looked at the clothes. On the top was a pair of trainers and pink trainer socks, this was followed by a pink t-shirt and a pair of skinny jeans. Underneath the jeans was the underwear, no choice here I guessed. Pink bra and pants set, half satin half lace, very pretty. Before going any further, I slipped them on, tucking myself away as I went. Then I returned to the clothes, same sandals as yesterday, a more revealing pink vest top and a sort of grey tartan skirt. I had to choose what to wear.
Despite the fact that I had really enjoyed a lot of the previous day’s activities, in the cold morning light the idea of wearing a skirt again just didn't sit right so I decided to play it safe and picked the jeans outfit.
I guess I got it wrong. Alex didn’t even try to hide her disappointment, and when I tried to initiate something she just shrugged me off and said she was busy.
“But I don’t get it, these are still girls clothes,” I argued.
“I know,” was the only response I got.
The rest of the day was spent, pretty much, in front of the television, Alex in the armchair and me on the sofa. The coolness of the morning soon wore off and we were able to laugh and joke as we had at home before we came on holiday, but the sexual intensity of the previous day was gone. Even at bed time Alex chose to retire early and was fast asleep before I came to bed. I still put the nightie on, hoping that she would wake up in the night and see, but nothing came of it.
Day three of the holidays and I woke up before Alex. Looking at the chair I realised that she must have been awake during the night because there was a new pile of clothes. Like yesterday there were two choices of outfit, one trouser based and one skirt based. The note simply said “You know what I prefer.”
Don’t let anyone say that Sam Whitman is not a quick study, I didn’t even look at the jeans. I immediately put them aside and looked for the underwear, what I found was quite obviously a bikini, pink with small white flowers around the waistband of the pants and the band of the halter necked top. The waist band of the bottom part was held together by a bow at each side, a bow at the back of the neck fastened the halter. This was coupled with a pale pink summer dress, with standard straps leaving the halter of the bikini exposed, weird how that bothered me, I’m wearing a dress who cares if there is bikini underneath, but hey that was me. The sandals were a matching pink to the dress but with a slightly higher heel than I had worn previously. Underneath the clothes I noticed a tube of lipstick, I picked it up and walked into the bathroom. I carefully unscrewed the cap of the lipstick and twisted the base until the stick showed, no shocks here, pale pink to match my outfit. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and then back down at the tube, even whilst I was thinking about it I knew that I would. It’s want Alex wanted. So I did, carefully and precisely apply a layer of pink lipstick to my lips, it helped, a little.
Alex was still asleep so I wandered into the kitchen to make breakfast. I put on a pot of coffee, chopped up enough fresh fruit for a couple of bowls full of fruit salad and transferred some natural yogurt into a third bowl ready to place on top. By the time Alex walked in, still in pyjamas might I add, everything was ready.
“Morning gorgeous,” she said smiling as she looked me over, “I’m glad you picked that, I thought we might spend the day on the beach, you know? Take a picnic, bottle of wine, definitely a blanket to lie on. What do you say?”
“I say eat your breakfast, get some clothes on and let’s go.”
“Sounds good to me,” she responded, “but first…” She wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me tight. Her lips pressed against mine, her tongue pushing and probing its way beyond my lips and into my mouth. Her groin pushing, hungrily forward into mine. Her hands slid down from my waist, pausing to squeeze and pummel my buttocks, before carrying on to the hem of my dress. Grasping the material, she pulled it upwards. Up past my waist, exposing my bottom, beyond the honey brown flesh of my stomach, clearing my breasts and only breaking of the kiss at the last moment to lift the dress over my head and off. I was left standing in the kitchen in only my bikini and sandals, a delightful shiver running down my spine.
“Holy Cow, you are so beautiful”, whispered Alex hoarsely. Her hands dropping back to my waist, tugging at the bows that held the waistband of my bikini together, her mouth closed once more over down. As the material fell away between my legs it was replaced by Alex’s probing fingers, delving down to my clit and then moving to set off a whole host of tiny fireworks in my stomach. I was helpless, my knees went weak and I sank down to the cold, hard kitchen floor. As I lay there I swear I could hear Alex apologising, “I’m sorry Baby, I’m sorry, I just can’t wait”, her hand grabbed my penis and gave it a couple of quick hard pumps before going through her routine to settle between my thighs. There were no hesitations this morning and Alex began thrusting almost as soon as she had settled into position. This wasn’t some gentle lovemaking either, every thrust was hard and hungry, desperate even. So hard that I could almost feel the thrust deep in my own body, driving me into the floor, filling me, making me want more, causing me to push up against her at every thrust, harder, hungrier, needier. Her hands slid up my chest, roughly pushing the material of my bikini top out of the way and grabbing onto my breasts, no gentle caresses, they were kneading, pinching, pulling, causing exquisite bursts of pleasure and pain, shooting downwards to mix the sensations rising up from my groin. Uncontrolled noises began to escape my mouth, moans and gasps in time with every thrust of Alex’s hips. The noises becoming faster as the thrusts became faster, becoming louder as the thrusts became harder, becoming more desperate with every passing second. My legs were crossed behind Alex’s drawing us closer, my arms holding us in place, my insides felt ready to explode, all I could hear was myself screaming the word “Yes” over and over and over, and then, with a load moan of her own Alex came, she thrust a couple more times and then collapsed on top of me. But I was so close, it wasn’t fair, I tried to thrust myself against Alex’s body, but it wasn’t the same and as she rolled away I was left on the kitchen floor, horribly unfulfilled. Without even thinking I reached down with my own hand, thrust it between my legs to my clit, occasionally even dropping lower to my anus and rubbed, and probed and brought myself back up to the brink, my fingers delving deep inside my body until, with a triumphant scream, I dragged myself over the precipice. A huge explosion of feelings rocketed out from my centre, bursting in a cascade of stars at every extremity, I was lost, I felt wanton, I felt good.
When I finally came to my senses Alex was lying on the floor beside me, her head propped up on one elbow. Suddenly realising that my hand was still resting between my legs I hurriedly moved it away causing her to smile, mischievously. She leant in and gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek.
“Now that was sexy,” she said, rocking back, “I would pay to watch that anytime. Now come on you, beach.”
“But what about breakfast?” I asked, my voice cracking slightly after its recent exertions.
“Take it with us, I need a shower so you pack the breakfast up and something for lunch whilst I get ready.” She pushed herself up from the floor “oh and don’t bother getting dressed, I’ve got something special I want you to wear, I’ll bring it out.”
On the Way to the Beach
So there, I was, wearing nothing but a pair of sandals, a bit of rather smudged pink lip gloss and some very prominent tan lines, putting fruit salad and yoghurt into some Tupperware tubs. I put the coffee into a flask, milk into a small bottle and then started to collect together things for lunch as well, bread, cheese, salad, ham, wine. When I looked up there was Alex, stood, leaning against the frame of the kitchen door, a huge grin on her face.
“Oh you are so special and I am so lucky,” she said, “here,” she continued throwing me a piece of material, “I was going to give it to you yesterday but you,” she paused trying to find the right words, “disappointed me. But you’ve made up for it this morning so put it on and let’s get out of here.”
I held the material up, it was actually quite a heavy material, some sort of one-piece swimsuit I stepped into it and pulled it most of the way up my legs before pausing to tuck my genitalia away. This done I carried on wriggling the tight material up my body, once it was up to my waist things became much easier until I tried to put my arms through the loops, they were really tight and I felt the costume squash my bits tight up against my body, at least that was something, I thought to myself, I won’t get any embarrassing bulges in this. The final part was a collar around the neck that fastened in back, Alex very kindly did that for me.
“Go look in the mirror” she whispered smiling, so I did. The suit was a dark blue with green piping on the edges. From the front it covered everything from my very smooth groin, which was flatter than it had ever been before, right the way up to the collar at my neck not a millimetre of flesh was visible. The back was a completely different story, material covered my bottom almost precisely to the top of my butt crack, and that was it. Apart from two straps that came out from under my armpits and back over my shoulder, and the collar at my neck, my back was bare. This of course meant that you could see the stripes across my back from my bra straps the last time we had been to the beach.
When I walked back into the kitchen Alex was putting things into a backpack, even as she pushed a blanket in I could see two bottles of a sparkling wine, as soon as she saw me enter she stopped and looked up. I swear I saw her lick her lips.
“You’d better cover up a bit,” she said, “otherwise we might not even make it as far as the beach. There’s a sari skirt on the bed that’ll look nice with that.” So off I went, and indeed there was a sari skirt on the bed, a light turquoise blue in colour, ankle length and sheer enough not to hide anything.
We finally set of at about half ten, Alex carrying a very heavy back pack full of everything we needed, and me carrying a little shoulder bag containing sunglasses, sun cream (not tanning lotion I was pleased to note,) and a book, something by Katie Fforde, Alex had said that I should read it so I would. There must be something about the woods on the way to the beach because as soon as we reached the small clearing Alex's hands snaked around my waist and her fingers pushed underneath the sari going on down until they settled on either side of my crotch on the edge of my swimsuit, her thumbs linking together to form the top of the triangle.
“Do you know what?” she said, nibbling at my neck and sending shivers down my spine, “I reckon that you could look sexy in an old sack.” As she spoke she started to move her thumbs and first fingers in a gentle circular motion, applying just a little pressure to my flesh. “It's terribly unfair making me walk all that way through the woods, looking at your incredible body and knowing that I can't do a thing about it until we reached the clearing.”
The motion of her hands got slightly harder and slightly faster, pushing and rubbing around, without touching, my groin. I could feel the heat rising inside of me, Alex continued to whisper in my ear getting really close to add to the tingles building up ever stronger.
“I feel as though I could just throw you to the floor and fuck your brains out right now,” she said, “and I bet you'd love it.” The attention was having a rather strange effect, it felt as though my breasts were starting to swell, the swimsuit actually felt a little bit tighter, and my nipples started to ache. I glanced down and could clearly see two little lumps of breast and two very hard nipples sticking out.
Whether Alex was aware of my glance I don't know but her hands stopped tormenting my groin and started to slide up my body, maintaining the pressure on my flesh as they moved, at some point her fingers flicked out just enough to cause the join of the sari to untuck, the material caressing my legs as it fell to the floor. Her hands continued their slide upwards until they reached my engorged nipples, and then the fingers flicked again, this time at my nipples. I couldn't help myself, I pushed my shoulders back and my chest forward, my stomach and groin muscles clenching in unison. Bolts of pleasure firing every time a finger contacted a nipple.
“So,” whispered Alex right up close to my ear, more tingles and a visible shiver as my body reacted even more vigorously to the breeze she created. Fingers closed around a nipple, pinching and twisting, the pain exquisite, sensations flowing out in every direction, a desperate moan escaped my lips, “does my girl want to have her brains fucked out?”
The specific words didn't really register, at least not in my conscious mind, but the implication did, “Oh yes,” I responded, “please fuck my brains out.” My legs were already trembling, my knees turning to water and I started to sag. But Alex held me up.
“Are you my girl Sam?” she whispered, both nipples were now under attack from twisting fingers, my head had rolled back exposing my neck completely as muscles randomly contracted or totally gave up. Not missing an opportunity Alex dropped her head and nipped at my neck hard, all of sudden I was on fire, warmth dripping from my neck to mingle with the heat from groin and the bolts of fire bursting from my nipples.
“I asked if you were my girl Sam?” repeated Alex, and then to my horror she moved her head backwards, releasing both nipples and even taking one of supporting arms away,
“Yes, I am,” I shouted, “I'm your girl Alex, I am. Please will you fuck me, please fuck your girl.”
The hand that Alex had moved quickly to release the collar of my swimsuit and tried to push the strap down my arm. Unable to cope against the movement I fell to my knees, Alex dropping behind me, she used her own knees to push mine apart and leant on me as she pushed both straps down my arms, causing me to fall forwards onto my hands, the swimsuit fully stretching, pulling against my wrists and threatening to topple completely. It didn't help that Alex leant in harder wrapping her arms around me once again and resuming her assault on my now uncovered, and slightly dangling, nipples. She grabbed handfuls of sensitive flesh, kneading it then releasing it to flick at the nipple. More wonderful fire-bolt's erupted causing muscles in my groin to contract even harder, unbidden my thighs tried to squeeze closed against Alex's legs. She thrust her groin forward into me, arching her back as she did so and using my breasts to pull me further back against her. It was too much to take and my body exploded into a deep shuddering orgasm, racing out from my groin and into my stomach, chest, arms and legs. As wave after wave of pleasure attacked my senses a picture formed in my head, a picture of a couple in a similar position to us, the man in the rear his hands cupping his woman's breasts, both of them with their backs arched in the pleasure of a mutual orgasm and just the slightest sight of his penis disappearing between her legs. Somewhere deep inside I felt a little ache.
My arms and legs were trembling with the after effects of the orgasm, if Alex hadn't still been holding me up I would almost certainly have collapsed in a heap on the floor.
“I believe that there's a girl around here wants a good fucking,” whispered Alex behind me, “so I think she needs to lay on her pretty little back and let her man get to work.” She gently lowered me to the ground and I obediently rolled onto my back, pulling my arms out of the swimsuit straps as I went. Alex pulled the suit down my legs and off leaving me naked on the forest floor, my legs quickly opening slightly in anticipation of what was to come. But Alex stood up and stepped back looking down at my naked body, for a minute she just stood and stared.
“With those tan lines you are a sexy girl even without clothes,” she said, coming back into the world and kicking her trainers off. She unfastened her belt and all six buttons of her fly very slowly and very deliberately, never taking her eyes of my face so she could gauge my reactions. The jeans fell to the floor at her feet and I could see her boxers, they were tight, white and had big red letters on them saying 'Man Stud'.
“A sexy girl with her legs all agog and her man stud all ready for action,” murmured Alex as in a rather husky voice, “I wonder what will happen? What would you like to happen Sam”?
The ache that had started inside of me was growing, and it was slightly disturbing because I knew what it meant,
“I want you to fuck me Alex,” I replied, and then, without prompting, “I want my Man Stud to come down here and make hard hot love to his very needy girl”
I guess I got it right because the boxers fell to the floor on top of the jeans and Alex carefully stepped out of them.
“My very needy girl,” She said as she came closer, “my very needy, girly girl.” She straddled me, “my very needy, very sexy, girly girl,” she moved her body between my legs, “my very needy, very sexy, girly girl needs to be fucked,” she lifted up and thrust down, “my very needy, very sexy, girly girl needs to be fucked,” up and thrust, “by” up and thrust, “her,” up and thrust, “man” up and thrust, hard. I groaned with pleasure, my orgasm of moments earlier reawakening and rapidly gaining momentum. Alex leant forward slightly so she could reach my nipples, “who are you?” she asked.
“I'm your girl,” I moaned.
“I'm your very needy, very sexy, girly girl,”, she thrusted again, our groins clashing together,
“Good girl,” now Alex was starting to sound a little breathless, “say it again.”
“I am your very needy, very sexy, girly girl,” this time the thrust was accompanied by a twist of my nipples sending wave after wave of electricity down to my groin.
“Very good girl,” responded Alex, obviously getting turned on as much by the situation as by the physical activities. “Now if you are my girl, and you definitely are my girl aren't you?” Alex was moving rhythmically now, and my yes was little more than a variation of a moan, “then who am I?”
“You're my man,” I groaned
“Only your man,” she paused in her movements,
“No, no,” my voice rose, “you're my man stud, you're my everything, please don't stop.” She started again, building up speed and pressure, starting to groan, “tell me that you're my girl?” she moaned, I did, “again”, I did. Apart from my stomach and groin all of my muscles were quivering, “again,” “I am your girl,” The muscles in my stomach and groin clenched hard, “again,” “I am your girl,” it was louder this time, my back arched of the floor pushing me up into Alex's downward thrust, “again,” this time Alex almost screamed the command “I am your,” I felt Alex orgasm, “girl,” and a split second later so did I, full man orgasm, draining out all the girly happiness that had built up and leaving me gasping for air on the floor. At least the ache and everything it entailed had also gone.
Laying on the beach a short time later, my mind went back to what had just occurred. There was no doubt that it had been absolutely wonderful, sex with Alex at the moment was incredible, but at what cost. There was the strange ache that started with my first girl orgasm of the session and continued to grow until the man orgasm that finished the session off. It was the ache to really be entered, I had wanted Alex to suddenly grow a penis, for me to open up and for her, him, to really take me as a woman. Now that the passion had faded, that thought not only failed to excite me, it kind of disgusted me, and the fact that I had wanted it so badly at the time scared me. Then there was all the screaming about being a girl, I'm not a girl and I don't want to be a girl. To be honest I don't want to wear girl clothes right now either, what I really wanted to do was take the swimsuit off, go back to the cottage and put some proper clothes on, man clothes. Off course I couldn't, for one it wasn't fair on Alex and for two I didn't have any proper clothes at the cottage, she had taken them out of my case before we left. Plus, if I took the swimsuit off now I would face a thirty-minute walk across the fields and through the woods completely naked, and whilst sexy girl Sam apparently has no problem being naked I certainly did. Strange how I could separate myself from her, at the minute. It was often like this after I came, I remember back to the early days of this cross-dressing lark. Back then we never actually had sex, in fact Alex didn't go anywhere near my privates for the first couple of months. So, being a man, I sometimes found myself having to masturbate, especially if I had given Alex oral during the evening. At that stage every time I came I found myself needing to take off whatever girls clothes I was wearing. Especially if it was something that I could feel on my body. Wasn't always possible of course, those times I could be quite uncomfortable for a while, normally only about an hour or so. Could have been worse I suppose.
Luckily after about a year or so it wasn't so bad, especially on the rare occasions that I came with Alex around. She obviously made it easier for the female side to remain visible. I assume because I was doing it all out of love for her. The fact that wearing certain items of women's clothing was becoming commonplace by this point probably helped too. I mean I had been wearing knickers every single day for ages, camisole tops too, bras not so much at that point and I still felt the need to take them off. It was only when I started wearing waistcoats to work that I began to wear bras every day, thinking back that had been Alex's idea, first the waistcoats, then the daily bra.
Rather than dwell anymore and make myself miserable I decided to read my book for a bit. I reached into my bag and pulled it out, along with the rather large sunglasses that were apparently mine. I put the sunglasses on and then rolled on to my stomach to read. It was a very weird sensation, laying on my stomach without a penis between me and the floor. It was, of course, tucked away between my legs, my testicles hidden inside my body. Alex had insisted that I did it when we redressed after sex, even though I didn't actually want to. I opened my book and started to read. It wasn't long before I felt Alex move beside me.
“Let me rub some sun-cream onto your back Hun”, she said, and before I could respond I was squirming under a cold jet of slimy liquid. It became a different kind of squirm as Alex's hands began to rub the cream in, I could feel my body relaxing with every passing second. Maybe this life wasn't that bad after all. I did love the attention I got pretending to be a girl, and it would appear that the girlier I looked the more attention I got. Alex's hands were slowly moving down my back, to the top of my bum slowly lifting the tiny scrap of material that covered it and slipping inside to rub oil cream into completely unnecessary area. But as I started to enjoy it her hands moved away and I was brought back down to earth by a fresh squirt of cream on the back of my leg. The going down the leg wasn't too bad, pleasurable without being sexual, but then she came back to the initial squirt of cream and began to work her way up to the top, carefully moving her hand up my thigh, at first only getting tantalisingly close to my inner thigh, then dropping lower so that her fingers brushed the point where my closed legs rested against each other before raising away again to innocently rub cream into the outer part of the leg. But it was enough, almost by reflex my legs moved apart opening the way for easy access. I lowered my head to the blanket, what the hell was happening to me? Why did I keep reacting this way?
The cold squirt landed on my other leg and the play began all over again. One thing was for sure, Alex was an exceptional tease. As she proved by lingering far longer than necessary on my thighs, rubbing high up onto my butt cheeks and then stopping as the first longing whimper escaped my lips.
“I'm off for a swim,” she said, resting her hand on my bum as she stood, at the last minute pushing her finger into the crack and playfully tickling my hole. “You enjoy your book, I won't be long” and off she went leaving me feeling all of a fluster. A frustrated, extremely horny fluster.
I tried to read my book but my mind kept wandering back to Alex's hands. I could almost feel them touching me, despite the fact I could still hear Alex splashing in the water. I tried pressing my crotch into the sand and wriggling but, having my bits tucked away meant that I could get no relief that way. With a deep breath I tried once again to read my book, trying to lose myself in the adventures of Jo and Luke In New York City. It wasn't my normal sort of book but I fear that even if it was the best Fargo adventure that Clive Cussler had ever written it wouldn't have been enough to distract me from my raging hormones. Giving up on the book I rolled onto my back and tried to think of non-sexual things, but unfortunately that didn't work either. With the sun warming my face, and my chest I just kept getting hornier. A familiar ache started to develop behind my nipples. Raising my head slightly I scanned the water for a glimpse of Alex, finally spotting at the far end of the beach, swimming away from me. Too far to be any use and too far to shout. With an audible groan I rose to my feet and started to walk down the beach towards her. Noticing the boat sailing across the waters I suddenly became very conscious that I, a man, was walking across the sand wearing a very sexy, ladies, swimsuit. I was also aware that it was making me even more desperate for relief, my nipples were almost like two little bullets trying to push their way through the fabric of the swimsuit, every step causing the Lycra to pull and rub them a little bit more. With a flick of my head I put my shoulders back just enough to push my chest out, and then hoped that the boat didn't change course. I couldn't quite believe that I had just done what I had just done. I didn't have a clue who was on that boat, or how many of them there were, and I had actually flaunted myself at them. Is this what happens to people that have been sex starved for a long time and then completely overloaded with amazing, mind blowing sex in an incredibly short space of time. Do they all become insatiable? Does it have to be gender defying to work? Or am I some sort of freak?
At that moment Alex appeared out of the waves, her t-shirt failing to hide the tight minimising bra that she wore underneath, her Bermuda style shorts lurid and bright her smiling face making me forget all of the negative thoughts I had been having minutes ago. I had just walked across this beach because I wanted to make love to this woman. I didn't care who was the man and who was the woman, I didn't really care who was watching, as long as they stayed far enough away. I had an itch and I wanted it scratching.
With new found determination I walked towards Alex, the uneven sand causing my bum to wiggle even more than it had as we crossed the field. I could see Alex staring, her eyes unable to leave my body as I approached. As soon as I was close enough I dropped to my knees in front of her, her body shielding me from the boat, and I pulled Alex's shorts down around her ankles. Grasping her butt cheeks, I pulled her vagina to my face and started to pleasure her clitoris with my tongue. I licked, I caressed, I even poked and that got a huge response. My hands slid across her bottom and around her hips until my fingers were in a position to invade her most personal opening. I could hear her breathing rate begin to rise. I could feel her legs begin to shake and I could smell her juices begin to flow. With a giant shove she pushed me backwards causing me to stumble and fall backwards into a retreating wave. We were far enough up the beach that the waves were virtually spent by the tome that they reached us, but they did reach us, and I was lying on my back on the sand being soaked every time one charged across the sand. Alex dropped to the floor next to me,
“Wow, what brought that on?” she exclaimed, “You nearly made me come just standing there”
“I wanted you,” I stammered, “I want you. I need you, I want to make love with you. So I...” I trailed off, once again my libido was trying to lead my brain, and it was winning. Also again.
“In that case...” responded Alex as she began the process of removing my swimsuit for the second time since we left the house. Then we made love in the surf. The caressing waves adding to the touch of Alex's hands as she explored my naked body, foam tickling exposed skin, fingers tickling hardening nipples. Our bodies joined at the groin heated by the passion whilst being cooled by the passing waters. As for the wave that came up between my legs just as I was beginning to orgasm, that added something completely new.
The remainder of the day was pretty much idyllic. We ate lunch in the shade of the cliffs, absorbed the sun further along the beach, we swam, we walked and we made love another three times in five hours. By the time we left the beach I was well and truly fed up of my new swimsuit. Not because of the way it felt on my body, certainly not the way it felt as I was swimming through the water and if I'm honest I was getting quite fond of the way I looked too. Although it wouldn't hurt to lose a bit more weight. No I just didn't like the whole drawn out mess that was taking it off so that we could have sex, next time we visited the beach I vowed to wear the bikini.
The next few days were all very similar, Alex left me a choice of clothes to wear and I would pick the skirt based outfit. We would then spend the day doing something pointless but fun, exploring the woods, lounging in the garden, lying on the beach, that sort of thing. Alex's desire for sex didn't seem to diminish at all, and to be absolutely truthful neither did mine. Prior to this week I would have described myself as a less than average man when it came to sex, occasionally I would want it, most of the time I enjoyed it when it came along but wasn't too bothered if it didn't and sometimes I really didn't want it. Now it would seem that I nearly always wanted it, even the down times after I ejaculated were getting shorter. Thinking about it the number of times I ejaculated was getting smaller too, my girl orgasms seemed to lengthen the amount of time it took for a normal orgasm to arrive meaning that Alex would often come beforehand, and she never wanted to come a second time. But by that point I didn't mind, as long as I had had a girl orgasm I didn't need to ejaculate at all to feel satisfied.
Friday morning threw up something new for me deal with. When I woke up there was only one set of clothes on the chair and they included a pair of blue jeans, the sort I had been wearing at home for months. I sat on the edge of the bed trying to work out what was going on, had I done something to upset Alex and this was her way of punishing me? I didn't think so. Maybe she was tired and needed a day off from sex? Definitely not. So why? In the end I decided that it really didn't matter what she put out, I was quite capable of choosing my own clothes and so I walked over to the wardrobe and flung open the doors.
After a lot of deliberation, allowing Alex to select my outfits was definitely easier, I decided upon a strappy white summer dress covered in lots of little blue cornflowers. I managed to find an underwear set that matched it perfectly white with little embroidered cornflowers on the bra cups and in the centre of the waistband on the pants. I dressed carefully, choosing a pair of white sandals with a small heel to finish it off before going into the bathroom to put on a bit of makeup. I had been trying to put on a little bit every day so far and could now manage lipstick, some eye shadow and mascara. It was nothing fancy, no fading from one colour to another, but it did the job and I was quite pleased with the way the blue eye shadow matched the blue cornflowers on my dress. When I was done I actually found myself nervous about Alex's reaction, I hoped she would like it, but then it wasn't what she had picked out for me.
Taking a deep breath, I walked into the kitchen, Alex was stood at the sink washing a few mugs from the night before. At first she didn't turn around carrying on with the dishes as she said good morning. At first I was saddened by her lack of interest but then I thought back to the day I had last worn trousers and how disappointed she had been. If she was expecting the same today, then it was no wonder that she didn't turn around. Of course if that was the case then she was in for a surprise. Eventually, wiping her hands on a tea towel, she turned. Her jaw, and the tea towel, dropped.
“Oh my God you look gorgeous,” almost whispering, “are you sure you can handle going out like that?”
“Going out?” I asked, suddenly feeling very nervous.
“Yes, I told you yesterday. We need to go to the supermarket for some supplies. I thought you'd be happier in a pair of jeans which is why I left them out. But I am really pleased you've proven me wrong.”
My heart was pounding, what I done? Had she really told me yesterday? I guess she must have. She crossed the kitchen and took me in her arms.
“I am so lucky to have you,” she purred into my ear. Her hands started exploring but as they reached the flat front of my knickers they stopped and she stepped away. “Sorry,” she said, “We really have to get a move on. There's not even enough milk for coffee let alone breakfast and I'm starving. I will just have to behave myself until we get home.” She didn't, by the way but I will come to that later. I did try protesting a little bit but, to be honest my heart wasn't in it. It was a question of upsetting Alex or being found out, and I really didn't want to upset Alex.
We set off in the SUV with Alex driving, it was the first time I had ever been a passenger in my own car and it felt rather strange, but I had to admit that I had never driven in heels before and twisting, narrow country lanes probably aren't the best place to start. We stopped for breakfast at a quiet country cafe where the owner referred to us as ladies and actually seemed more put out by Alex with her masculinity than she did with me being in a dress. In fact, whilst Alex was in the toilet she hurried over and asked if I wouldn't be better off with a proper man.
“Not that I have anything against gay people,” she assured me, “but when I see a really pretty girl with a girl trying so hard to look like a man it always makes me wonder, you know?”
I told her I understood completely and had thought about it but I really loved Alex and that was enough for now. Sometimes, people can say things without realising it and just make the day for you. Even though she was being critical the fact that she assumed we were a couple of lesbians, and that Alex was the butch made me so happy that Alex could see the glow as soon as she stepped out of the bathroom. Although she claimed that she could see it through the door before she even opened it. When I told her what the owner had said she laughed.
“Cheeky old mare,” she smiled, “So I'm the butch and you're the bitch eh?”
“Guess so. Suppose we should go and get some shopping eh? Butch.”
As we paid the bill the cafe owner smiled sweetly, calling after me as we left, “You think on what I said sweetie,” she called, “a proper man would do you the world of good.”
I managed not to laugh out loud until we were safely back in the SUV and on our way.
“Proper man,” said Alex, “if only she knew.”
“She meant well,” I replied, if anything a little put out by Alex's comment, “and it's not my fault if I'm better at being a girl than you are at being a guy.
“Ooo, the Bitch shows her true colours,” retorted Alex, a huge grin on her face.
“And you'd better get used to it Butch.” My own smile getting bigger as Alex's hand rested on my leg and edged its way up my leg.
The rest of the shopping trip was relatively uneventful, we did get some stares but most of the funny looks were confined to Alex and the comments were about lesbians. Word of me being a man, or sissy or faggot or whatever else men in skirts get called, never reached my ears. That was a huge relief, whether I was entirely comfortable as a female in public was still open to debate but at least I was acceptable. To be truthful I didn't get any wolf whistles or proposals from strange men either, but I could live with that.
Moss and Copper
On the way back from the supermarket Alex finally succumbed to her desires. To be fair she did quite well to last as long as she did, she had her hand on my thigh caressing me between my legs. Her touch started off quite soft and gentle, slowly causing a warmth to grow in my nether regions. As I placed my own hand on her leg I could feel her warmth, I wonder if I generate as much heat between my legs as Alex does?
As the miles passed so Alex's intensity grew, her groping hand beneath my skirt becoming more desperate, her touch harder, faster. At the same time, her driving became more erratic and it didn't take her long to pull off the road and into a secluded picnic area. Before the car was even stopped she had her seatbelt unfastened and her door open. The handbrake went on and Alex jumped out of the car, ran around to my side of the car and had my door open before my seatbelt was even released. She grabbed my hand as I struggled to free myself from the restraint. I horrified to admit that the passenger door to the car was left wide open as we ran into the trees. As soon as we reached a reasonably secluded spot Alex turned on me grabbed the hem of my dress and just hauled it over my head, leaving me standing in just my underwear and sandals. She kicked off her own shoes and dropped her trousers and boxers to the floor before grabbing me around the waist and pulling me into her embrace.
“Oh God,” she moaned, “why do you have to be so damned sexy?”
“I'm pretty sure that I didn't used to be,” I grinned, “it's amazing what a week can do isn't it?”
“It's amazing what the right clothes can do,” she retorted, “now shut up and come here”.
She tilted her head forwards and kissed me, lips together first, then slowly tongue probing, pushing into my mouth. I responded by gently sucking on the proffered tongue, my hands draping themselves around her neck. My hold on Alex was soft, weak even, yet somehow it felt right. Her hold on my waist was much stronger, controlling, dominating. But this too just felt right. I've since read that the clothes you wear can affect your demeanour and I have to say that it's true. Standing in a wooded clearing wearing nothing but knickers, bra and sandals, I felt vulnerable, weak even. But I also felt excitement and a deep burning ache for Alex's touch, I began to lower myself to the mossy woodland floor but was stopped by Alex's arm.
“Wait a second,” she said, and started to kick sticks and branches off the moss and to the edge of the clearing making a soft bed for me to lie on. Once the bed was prepared Alex held out a hand and gently helped me down. As I lay on the mossy bed Alex stood silently staring down, suddenly I felt very self-conscious.
“What?” I asked nervously.
“When I married you,” she began, “I thought that I was totally and completely in love with you.” She stepped over to her abandoned trousers and crouched next to them, “but I now know that I was wrong,” she pulled her mobile phone out of a pocket and stood again. “All week long I have been falling in love with you all over again,” she held the phone out in front of her. Too late I realised what she was doing and I heard the synthetic click of the camera. “Seeing you lying there just now,” she continued, “I realised that my love back then was only a part of what I had to offer.” The camera clicked again, “I don't know whether I have reached total love yet or if there is more still to give, but I do know that I love you more now than I did then and I will do everything I can to make our relationship last for ever.” She looked at the screen on her phone, smiled, said something that sounded like “perfect” and put the phone down on the ground next to my bed of moss.
“Now then where were we before your beauty distracted me,” she lowered herself to the ground and gently rubbed her hand against my crotch. A fire instantly ignited deep inside of me and I groaned happily. Her second hand moved to my chest grasping the small fleshy mound and giving it a gentle squeeze.
“Please don't tease,” I begged, “I need you now.”
That was probably the wrong thing to say as a wicked smile spread across Alex's face.
“Oh do you indeed,” she teased, “So you don't want me to do this then?” At which point she bent down, moving the cup of my bra down, exposing my nipple and taking it into her mouth for a quick suck. My back arched in response muscles tightening in my chest and stomach. “What about this?” she asked, this time swirling her tongue around the outside of the nipple before darting it down, poking my nipple hard.
“Please Ali,” I begged again, “please fuck me now.”
She rose slightly and moved towards my pantied groin and slipped her hand into my knickers, grasping my penis and dragging it from between my legs. It hardened instantly.
“I suppose I could just fuck your brains out,” she said, “or...” her hand released my penis and slid towards my 'clit' “I could make you beg some more.”
By now my body was tingling all over, my nipples ached with need and my groined burned with the fires of desire. “I'm begging honey please,” I began but was interrupted by the sound of an engine. A car was pulling into the picnic area, only feet from where we lay. Instantly I fell silent, I heard a car door open.
“Do you think it's been abandoned Gavin?” asked a female voice
“I don't know love,” replied her companion,
“But why would they leave the door open?”
“I don't know that either love. Maybe they needed a toilet break and were cutting it fine,” Alex's fingers where moving deep inside of me and I was having great difficulty remaining quiet. The grin on her face showed that she knew it too and, maybe the man by the car had a psychic link too as he said, “or maybe they fancied a bit of nookie in the tree's and didn't want to wait.”
“Gavin,” shouted the lady sounding horrified, “that's disgusting. I mean, really. In the woods? But it's filthy.”
The man laughed, and Alex slipped my penis into herself.
“I seem to recall,” the man called Gavin said, “that you weren't quite so bothered twenty years ago.”
Alex manoeuvred herself into position between my legs, I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from crying out. For some reason, instead of my passion being reduced by the fear of this couple finding us it was actually increasing.
“Remember that night in Connaught Gardens” Continued Gavin, “behind that big bush. I don't recall you complaining about the dirt then.” Now that she was in position Alex remained motionless apart from two fingers teasing a nipple. She looked down at me and smiled apparently calm, whilst I was too afraid to open my mouth in case a moan escaped. All of the muscles in my body were quivering in anticipation and all of my nerve endings seemed to be located in my groin and my nipples.
“Oh, I'd forgotten about that,” said the unseen woman, “I was young and foolish then wasn't I. It was fun though. Fireworks night wasn't it?”
“It was,” replied Gavin, “they weren't the only fireworks though. I reckon I've got a blanket in the boot you know.” My heart pounded at the thought of imminent discovery, it sounded so loud to me that I half expected them to hear it.
The woman responded, “Not here you randy bugger,” she had a gentle chuckle in her voice, “but you never know, you might get lucky when we get back home.” A few seconds later we heard car doors slam, the engine start and the gravel crunch as they drove away.
Alex gave my nipple a sharp little pinch, still smiling. “Now that was intense,” she said, “so shall we continue?”
“God yes,” I hissed, and then moaned out loud as Alex's body started to move against mine. It soon became apparent that as calm as Alex had appeared moments earlier she was, in reality, even more wound up than I was. The sex was hard and fast, Alex pounding her groin into mine, with only one aim, to make herself come as strongly and quickly as she could. I lay beneath her, my eyes closed, feeling the orgasm growing. A tingling warmth at my core being fed by lightning bolts of pleasure coming from my crotch, my moans competing with Alex's grunts as we both lost all concerns of discovery. Closer and closer rolled my release until suddenly Alex let out a guttural “Yes, yes, oh yes.” Her thrusting was getting even faster and harder, and then she froze. Simply stopped, pushing down as hard as she could an obviously large orgasm flowing throughout her body. As her orgasm slowed she relaxed and flopped against me.
“No, no, no,” I repeated over and over, “please, you can't leave me like this, it isn't fair.”
Alex raised her head, “What?” She asked blearily, “Oh sorry, wait here a minute,” as if I was going anywhere, she rolled over and reached out for her trousers. Reaching into another of the many pockets she pulled out a small pink vibrator. “I thought this might happen again,” she said, “so I got you one of these.” She handed me the device and then propped her head up on her hand and watched me. It was quite off-putting at first but soon my needs overcame my embarrassment and simply closed my eyes and gave myself over to pleasure. My right hand guided the vibrator between my legs where it buzzed and tickled my sensitive parts through the material of my panties. At the same time my left hand played with my right nipple flicking and tweaking the small nubbin of hard delightfulness. My orgasm started to build again, but this time it was accompanied by a familiar hollow ache. An ache that had first appeared in the woods by the cottage a few days ago. I released my nipple for a moment and used my left hand to pull the gusset of my panties to one side, desperately I tried to push the vibrator into my anus, it wouldn't go.
“Oh come on,” I moaned to myself and was quite surprised to get a reply from Alex. Lost in the moment I had totally forgotten she was there.
“Lubricate it,” she said.
“How?” I asked
“Use your mouth silly,” was the response and so I slid the tool into my mouth and sucked on it. “More saliva,” urged Alex, “you need to get it really wet.” So I drew up as much saliva as I could until it started to dribble down my face. “Now put it in,” was Alex's next comment, so I did. Although the initial push was still difficult it was less difficult than before and once that initial breach was made the vibrator slid in easily. My breath came in one big hitch as it went in, the muscles in my stomach, pelvic floor and buttocks all clenched so hard that my head and my feet lifted off the moss.
Another “Oh my God,” slipped from my lips.
“Slide it in and out,” suggested Alex, “it's amazing.”
When she spoke I briefly opened my eyes and looked at her. She had the phone in her hand again and was pointing it at me. I closed my eyes again more interested in what I was doing than the consequences of what she was doing.
Returning my left hand to my nipples I used the right to slowly slide the vibrator out, almost to the tip, and then push it all the way back in. My muscles tightened even further and this time my chest joined in as well, I sucked in a long hissing breath. My hand slid the vibrator out again, this time as it went back in it was accompanied by a vocal gasp. I started a rhythmic in and out motion, each inward thrust causing a louder noise. Quicker now, and harder. My legs stretched as wide as they could go my hand crushing my penis and testicles as it thrust the phallus in and out. My groans becoming higher in pitch and frequency until, with a long drawn out joyous “ahhhhhh” my whole body exploded into the most powerful orgasm I had ever experienced.
I don't know how long I lay on that mossy bed on the forest floor, luxuriating in the afterglow of my orgasmic explosion. Eventually I opened my eyes and looked around. Alex was already fully clothed, the phone still in her hand.
“Did you enjoy that?” she asked.
“God yes,” I replied grinning from ear to ear, “it was magical.”
As soon as I had answered Alex poked at the screen of her phone and put it away.
“Come on,” she said, “we've got frozen stuff in the car and we've been here far too long really. Not that I'm complaining. It has been rather a lot of fun. Not to mention educational”
She stood and walked over to me, offering her hand to help me up. Gratefully I accepted the assistance and stood, rather unsteadily on legs that were more like jelly than flesh and bones. Almost on automatic pilot I pushed my balls up and tucked my penis back adjusting my knickers to hold them in place. I then took the dress that Alex had retrieved for me and slipped it over my head and down my, still tingling, body. I was so euphoric at that moment I didn't want anything to ever change and, as soon as my legs had calmed down, I practically skipped out of the woods, Alex laughing behind me.
We emerged back into the car park just as a police car was pulling up behind the SUV. A man climbed wearily out of the driver’s door, his gigantic frame dwarfed by an even bigger moustache.
“Good afternoon, errr ladies,” he said, and I was pleased to note that his hesitation was, again, whilst looking at Alex and not me. “Is this your car?”
“No, it's my husbands,” responded Alex.
“And his name is?”
“Which would make you,” persisted the officer.
“I am Mrs Alex Whitman,” retorted Alex, sounding a little bit put out.
“Were you aware that you had left your car door open?” continued the police man, carefully ignoring Alex's attitude.
“Actually no, I'm pretty sure we closed it.”
The second man climbed out of the car. Where his partner was broad in stature he was slender, although he was just as tall, and he had a warm smile. The first man turned to him and passed on the information that Alex had provided. Turning his back on us the slender man spoke into the radio on his vest. Meanwhile the broader officer asked us to check if anything was missing from the car. As we pretended to look, well aware that we had left the door open and the only visitors to the picnic area had been Gavin and his lady friend, my phone rang buried somewhere in my handbag. Quickly I grabbed my bag and rifled through the contents, briefly noticing the tampons that Alex must have slipped into it, and blushing. Finding my phone, I quickly walked away from the car aware that I couldn't answer it in earshot of the two policemen, that would cause far too many questions.
“Sam Whitman,” I answered as soon as I was clear
“Hello Mr Whitman, this is the Devon Police Control Centre,” said an anonymous voice on the other end, “I was just ringing to confirm that you have loaned your car to your wife”
My heart skipped a beat and questions raced through my head. Did the two coppers know that the control centre would be calling? Would they be suspicious that my phone rang at the time the control centre called? What should I say? What would they do if they realised that I was Sam Whitman?
“Mr Whitman?” the voice on the phone returned.
“Sorry, a colleague was at my door, it's okay he's gone now.” I responded as my brain finally clicked into gear. “You wanted to know about my car, why? Has something happened? Is Alex alright?”
“Everything is fine Sir,” responded the voice soothingly, “it's simply a routine check to make sure the car hasn't been stolen.”
“Oh, that's okay then,” I was really getting into this now, nervous energy fuelling my imagination. “Yes I loaned my car to my wife, I thought it would be better for a long trip than her little toy. She's taken a friend away for a few days to cheer her up. Poor things husband decided to run away with his hairdresser of all people.”
“Right, that's fine then,” said the voice, “thank you for your time Mr Whitman. I'll let the officers on the scene know. Goodbye.” With that the voice was gone. I almost took the phone away from my ear straight away but I quickly realised that it would look really bad if my phone call ended at the same time as theirs after starting the same, so I carried on talking. Pretending to become more animated as I did. I glanced across at the two policemen, the slender man had finished talking on his radio and was now back with his partner and Alex. Deciding that I should be okay to hang up now I practically shouted a “Good Bye” into the silent handset before stabbing a finger at the screen and stomping back across the car park.
“Are you alright?” asked Alex looking genuinely concerned.
“That was Michael,” I replied, silently praying that Alex would play along, “the git wants me to take him back.”
“And what did you say?” Relief.
“I told him that just because his little tart has realised what a shit he really is doesn't mean he can come crawling back to me.” Both policemen grinned at this and the slender one even came out with a “Good on ya Love.”
The bigger man turned to Alex, “Right Mrs Whitman, if you're sure that nothings missing we'll be on our way. Sorry to bother you ladies, I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay.” With that the two men climbed back into their and drove away. I barely made it to my seat in our car before I collapsed, my legs had once again turned to jelly.
“Michael?” laughed Alex, “where did that come from?”
“It was the police on the phone,” I replied “I had to tell them something.”
My earlier euphoria had completely vanished thanks to our run in with the police and I started to think about the incident in the clearing in a new light. It stopped being a wonderful sexy moment and began to be something a lot less savoury. My first thought was how slutty I must have looked, virtually naked in the forest performing a sexual act whist Alex videoed the whole thing. Why had Alex videoed it? Realisation that that was what she was doing was a little bit late coming to the party and was quickly pushed out of the way by another, darker thought. I had basically been having anal sex, okay it was a vibrator and not a man but the premise was the same. Worse than having anal sex, I had enjoyed it. Did that mean I was turning gay? Only gay men had anal sex didn't they? I suddenly felt very dirty and disgusted with myself.
Saturday morning, I woke up feeling really nauseous, I quickly jumped out of bed, waking Alex up in the process, and ran to the bathroom. I just made it to the toilet bowl in time, vomiting up what appeared to be the entire contents of my stomach.
“Are you alright, Hun?” asked a concerned Alex from the doorway. I didn't answer, instead heaving up even more sick. “Should I get you a glass of water?” she asked this time I managed a weak nod. One of the worst things about being sick was the disgusting taste left in your mouth afterwards, it makes me want to be sick all over again. I rinsed my mouth out from the glass Alex gave me, spitting the dirty water into the toilet at the same time as I flushed it.
“You get back into bed and I'll make you a cuppa,” ordered Alex, “If you can handle it that is.”
I looked up from my position on the floor, “I'm not sure,” I replied, “that was a fun way to start the morning wasn't it?” I tried to put on a brave smile and pulled myself to my feet.
“Well I'll make it,” she replied, “and if you want it it's there. I can always make another later if you want.” With that she bustled off and left me to go back to bed. I guess I fell asleep before she made it back with my coffee because, when I next looked at my bed side table it was stood there, stone cold.
Gingerly I sat up in bed, waiting to see if another wave of nausea would strike. It didn't, in fact I felt much better so I got out of bed and wandered into the kitchen, mug full of cold coffee in my hand.
“Hello Gorgeous,” smiled Alex as I walked through the door, “how are you feeling?”
I put the mug down. “Surprisingly alright,” I replied, “in fact I am feeling rather hungry.”
She laughed. “Well sit yourself down and I'll fix you some toast. Best keep it simple until we know for sure it'll stay down eh? Would you like another cup of coffee? Maybe even drink it this time.”
I nodded and uttered an affirmative “Please”. Noting that, for the first time since we arrived at the cottage Alex was making me something to eat.
We spent most of the day just lounging about the house, watching TV, playing cards and board games, basically relaxing. The toast stayed in and so did tea, I'd got up so late that I didn't need lunch. After tea I felt so good that we went for a walk in the woods. I put on a little jersey skirt and t-shirt, I had spent the whole day in my nightie and that felt really good, and a pair of pale pink trainers that I found amongst the shoes in the bottom of my wardrobe. We walked through the woods and out onto the field that overlooks the sea and our beach. We sat looking at the waves breaking on the shore and the big ships in the distance. Feeling happy again after the previous day’s misgivings I rested my head on Alex's shoulder and felt her twist her head and kiss my hair.
We must have sat like that for a good half hour. Husband and wife, clearly in love, enjoying each other’s companionship and both very contented. As the light began to fade Alex twisted around causing me to raise my head. Very softly she kissed me on the lips, lingering only for the briefest of moments before pulling back. She held my chin with the faintest of touches and stared deeply into my eyes. Looking back, I felt all warm and tingly inside, and when she told me that she loved me a tear of joy trickled down my cheek.
Sunday morning, I was sick again, vomiting continuously for almost an hour. Afterwards I again fell back to sleep and when I woke up the feeling had passed, although I did feel a bit drained and short of breath.
It happened again on Monday, and Tuesday and Wednesday, by Thursday it had passed, whatever it was.
We spent our final day at the cottage lazing in the sun on our private little beach. I wore a high waisted black bikini with a wide white waistband decorated with black flowers. The bikini bottoms had hidden support panels that helped keep my tucked parts in place. The top was black with full white cups, again decorated with black flowers. The cups were also slightly padded which helped give the illusion of femininity to my appearance. For the walk down to the beach I wore the little grey jersey skirt that I had worn for a couple of hours on Saturday, it was comfortable and wasn't really dirty. I also doubted that it would stay on for long. Being daring I didn't wear anything over my bikini top.
Alex, as was becoming her norm, sported long baggy shorts and a baggy t-shirt. Her legs were starting to show signs of stubble; unlike me she obviously hadn't been very conscientious over her cleansing routine. Not that it mattered.
The day was perfect, we had our picnic, we splashed, paddled and swam and we made love, three times. Every one of them tender and caring. Alex seemingly determined to make me orgasm before she allowed herself to come. Where my tan had faded over the previous days of illness it was now deep and honey coloured. Even without the padding of the bikini my chest appeared larger. Probably, I decided, because my stomach was flatter having vomited up everything recently. Although there were two hard little nodules behind each nipple, and they were a bit tender to touch. I was lucky that Alex was in such a tender mood herself that day.
That evening we had champagne with our dinner and retired to bed feeling rather light headed and giggly. Well I certainly was; I can't say for Alex.
She was very tender and loving again in bed that night. She used her fingers and mouth on every part of my body, except the penis, to slowly bring me to my first orgasm, gentle waves of pleasure washing over my body. Not giving me any time to relax afterwards though, she focused her efforts around my anus and surrounding areas. She kissed and stroked and probed with her fingers, and I relaxed and let her. Happy to just enjoy the experience.
Without warning she leapt up my body straddling my chest, luckily above the nipples, her crotch almost at my chin and my vibrator in her hand right in front of my mouth.
“Suck this for me will you babe,” she asked in a deep, quite husky voice, almost manly. “I need it nice and wet”
I allowed her to insert the tool into my mouth and started sucking on it, drawing up as much saliva as I could. To start with I found myself chasing it as she tried to pull it out of my mouth but once I realised she was just teasing and slid it back in a relaxed again and just waited it to return. One time she pushed it so far into my mouth that it touched the back of my throat causing me to gag a little. When she was happy she went back down to the area between my legs and, ever so gently pushed the vibrator inside me and turned it on. The effect was instant, my muscles clenched around it, welcoming it inside and it responded by sending pleasurable little tingles out along my nerve pathways.
Seemingly happy with my response Alex straddled me long enough to put my penis inside her before resuming her position between my legs.
“I love you” was all she said as she started to move against me. As she thrust downwards pressure from the mattress caused the vibrator to move inside of me, edging ever so slightly deeper until Alex lifted her body away. That allowed my muscles to push against the intruder and it slid outwards. As Alex pushed down so it went deep once more.
I opened my eyes and looked up at Alex, she had her eyes screwed tightly shut whilst her mouth was slightly open. Trailing down her body my eyes took in the blue striped pyjama jacket, flanked on either side by my bare knees. I could see her body rising and falling, with each motion she made I felt the corresponding movement inside and the ever increasing heat of passion. My entire lower body was tingling, muscles would clench and then relax sometimes together sometimes independently. Every movement triggering off a whole new set of reactions. I spread my legs as wide as I could so that I could enjoy every last inch of my lover’s body, even the slight pain as I tried to stretch past my body's normal limits added to the pleasure. Only my nipples felt left out. Where everything else was bubbling with ecstasy and excitement my nipples ached for touch. Smiling I closed my eyes and brought my hands up to my chest.
Friday morning arrived, the end of what can only be described as a very unusual holiday. From the look on her face I could tell that Alex was expecting to see me in a pair of trousers at least, if not in the suit that I had worn for the trip down. She certainly was not expecting the pale yellow strappy top and white skater skirt that I chose to wear. I had sat on the edge of the bed for quite a while trying to decide what to wear. I knew that there was a risk of somebody we knew spotting me as we got near to home, but I also knew that Alex would be sad if I wore trousers. She would try to hide it but I'd know, and making Alex happy over the past fortnight had felt really good. I wasn't sure what would happen when we returned home so I decided that today would be special. She would know that I was prepared to take a risk in order to make her happy.
The journey home was relatively uneventful. As long as you don't class Alex's hands crawling all over my body as an event. With the amount of contact she had on my body it is really no wonder that I was in a near perpetual state of desire. At one point a passing lorry driver must have seen more than he bargained for, honking his big air horns, hopefully in approval and not disgust. I quickly adjusted my skirt after that so that it at least hid my knickers. Waste of time really, Alex had them exposed again within five miles.
We stopped twice on the way home and I had my first experience of the ladies’ rest rooms. I very nearly walked into the men's room by mistake which would have been embarrassing but I caught myself just in time. It's strange, whilst we were on holiday I had passed close contact twice, once with police men, but I was so scared of being caught in those toilets that it took almost fifteen minutes to get some wee out. Alex was getting rather worried by the time I got back to the table.
It was nearing tea time by the time we got home so we nipped into a drive thru' McDonald's for some food. Whilst Alex talked to the guy in the window I tried to merge with the car door. Even though we lived fifteen miles away this was our local McDonald's and we had been regular customers in the past. I was just starting to regret my outfit for the journey. Needless to say I either wasn't recognised or nobody cared, less than five minutes after arriving we were on our way, cold drinks and hot bags sharing my lap.
We stopped to eat at the end of a quiet lane that was well off the beaten track. It was nice sitting looking out over our own fields, eating tasty, unhealthy burgers and just enjoying each other’s company. As the last slurp of Fanta came up through my straw my thoughts turned to Alex. All the way home she had been bombarding me with attention. It was time that I did something in return. Reaching down I released the lever that held my seat in place and slid it back as far as it would go. Instructing Alex to slide across I opened the car and got out for a moment whilst she got into position. When she was ready instead of joining her on the seat I squeezed myself into the foot well, leaving the car door open to enjoy the evening breeze. I unfastened Alex's belt and pulled down her trousers, which was not easy given the restricted space available. I then repeated the feat with her boxer shorts. I tried to reach her private parts with my mouth, but the seat was on the wrong angle.
“Hang on a sec.” said Alex, grabbing another lever and lowering the back of the seat creating a better angle of approach, but it still wasn't quite right. Finally, she lifted her buttocks of the seat allowing me to slip my hands underneath and hold her in the correct position. I was now able to slip my tongue into the crevasse of her vagina licking upwards until I reached her clitoris. I very gently drew circles around the hooded one, occasionally flicking at it with my tongue. I could just about hear Alex's breathing start to quicken, although not much more as her legs were squeezing the sides of my head and my ears. I took the clitoris between my lips and gently sucked on it, Alex moaned out loud causing a nearby wood pigeon to shout in anger. I lifted her higher and slid my tongue into her vagina stretching it as long as it would go and twisting its tip to reach as many places as possible. As the pain in the base of my tongue became too much I retracted it and nibbled gently at her inner thighs whilst it recovered before beginning the whole routine again. At some point Alex pulled my top over my head so that I was sat in just my bra but that is as far as I allowed. I was determined to control proceedings from start to finish and Alex was going to orgasm solely from my attentions. Of course that didn't stop me wanting some attention of my own, it didn't stop the needy ache in my nipples, or the empty feeling down below, nor did it stop the heat from growing in my panties. But I stayed resolute, and focused on the love canal in front of my face. I carried on licking and flicking and nibbling, sucking up juices as they leaked out. I listened to the way her breathing and groaning changed as I moved around her pleasure points, experimenting and changing my approach to achieve maximum results. Suddenly I felt her hands clutch at the back of my head pulling me in tight. At the same time, her back arched thrusting her further into my face and burying me in her vagina. I found myself not being able to breath and unable to move. Fighting back the feeling of panic I attacked with renewed vigour, I had to make her orgasm before I ran out of oxygen. Luckily it didn't take long, a long drawn out breath, a groan of satisfaction and a shuddering of the signalled the start of Alex's orgasm. Juices spilled from her vagina, not in the spurting way of ejaculation, more like waves some higher than others but still a constant flow, all of which I lapped up. Finally, her breathing slowed and she started to relax. Her hands slid of the back of my head and down to my shoulders whilst her body sank back into the seat. With a final lick of the juice I rocked back and smiled.
“Wow,” she smiled, “what was that for?”
“Because I love you too,” I answered, “and you deserved it.”
“I deserved it?” she chuckled, “oh my sweet honey, you are so precious. You've given me everything I wanted for a whole fortnight. You've been exquisite the whole time we've been away and you say that I deserved it.” Her tone was changing, almost as if she was regretting something. “I'll tell you what I don't deserve,” almost miserable now, “I don't deserve you.”
“Well,” I responded, “whether you deserve me or not, you've got me, and you're stuck with me. When I said till death, I meant it. So you'd better get used to it.”
At that point Alex pulled me up onto the seat next to her and enveloped me in a giant cuddle. At one stage I swear she was crying but I didn't say anything, I just hugged her as hard as I could.
Twenty odd minutes later we drove off, somehow my top had been lost when Alex took it off so I had to suffer a nervous last stretch home in just my bra. Luckily we saw nobody and soon pulled into the safety of our driveway.
Alex insisted on taking all of the bags in whilst I put the kettle on. We were soon sat on the sofa together enjoying a hot drink and a relax. The last two weeks had been a roller coaster ride with a lot more ups that downs. But what now, holidays can't continue at home.
Travelling a Dangerous Road.
My sessions with Sam have become somewhat darker recently and I find myself questioning Alex Whitman's methods and motives. As a result, I have organised a session with Alex alongside my normal sessions with Sam.
A Meeting with Maggie
It was a week after our return from the cottage and I was sat in the hospital waiting for an appointment with Maggie. Whilst I was wearing a rather nice knickers and camisole set, Lavender with little purple bows, my outer wear was completely male, well in appearance at least. My jeans were a pair from Dorothy Perkins in a Boyfriend Cut, they were topped off with a dark blue lady’s polo shirt by Florence and Fred at Tesco. Even my trainers were a lady’s style but in an androgynous colour scheme. If anyone did notice that my clothes weren't quite right they didn't comment, and I never noticed any open stares. I hadn't worn a skirt since the day we returned from our two-week holiday, and I wasn't sure whether I was happy with that or not. You see we hadn't made love since that day either. Don't get me wrong we were still very affectionate with each other, and we still did 'things' to each other, but actual sex. Not a sniff. Clearly if I wanted sex I had to bare my legs.
Eventually a nurse came and took me down to sit outside Maggie's consultation room and within another five minutes Maggie appeared and invited me in.
“Hi Sam,” she welcomed me, “How are you feeling? I suppose you have rather a lot of questions for me?”
“Just one or two,” I replied, “To be honest Maggie I feel really confused about everything.” Suddenly I found myself fighting back tears, unsuccessfully might I add. “What's happening to me Maggie? I don't understand.”
Maggie came over and pulled me into a comforting embrace, “Hey, it's okay Sam. I can explain it all to you. There is nothing to worry about, I promise.”
“I'm sorry,” I sobbed, “I don't know why I'm crying, but it's happened a few times this week. Even when I'm watching a film on TV I suddenly find tears rolling down my cheeks. Normally when something really happy is happening.”
Maggie smiled, “That doesn't surprise me in the slightest, it's the type of person you are, you are one of nature’s nice guys Sam. Before I start I need you to know that everything Alex has done she did because she loves you and whilst I don't agree with the way she's gone about it, when I saw you a few weeks ago you looked so much happier I agreed to not say anything until you got back from your holiday.”
“Alex? What do you mean, what Alex has done? What has Alex done?”
“Don't worry I'll tell you everything,” responded Maggie, “but first tell me what happened whilst you were away and how it made you feel.”
I blushed at the memories, “It's a bit embarrassing really,” I said, “I suppose that the easiest was to explain it is to say that we did a bit of role reversal. You know, Alex was the man and I was the woman.”
“Did you enjoy it?” asked Maggie as she opened a note book and started taking notes.
“Sometimes, but sometimes I felt a bit stupid. I was really self-conscious when we went outside, even though I knew that nobody could see me. I felt really uncomfortable after sex too, well only if I ejaculated really, if I didn't ejaculate it was really nice actually.” Maggie looked up with a puzzled look on her face.
“What do you mean by if you didn't ejaculate?” she queried, “are you saying that you weren't orgasming during sex?”
“Sort of, but not really.” I couldn't suppress the smile that crossed my face at the look of confusion on Maggie's face. “I'm sorry,” I said, “It felt like I was having an orgasm, well similar anyway. Only better. It was like an all over orgasm but I didn't ejaculate, and afterwards I just felt really happy, and warm.”
“And when you did ejaculate?” asked Maggie, scribbling furiously.
“I just felt drained and empty. Like I always do after sex, I just wanted to roll over and go to sleep. I also wanted to take off all the girls clothes right away. Beforehand they felt comfortable if nothing else but afterwards they felt wrong. Of course I couldn't take them off because it would have upset Alex and the feeling passed after half an hour or so.”
“Did you want to take the clothes off after your non-ejaculatory orgasms?”
“God no,” I replied, surprising myself with the vehemence that it came out with. “Everything felt perfect then. That's part of the problem you see, sometimes I felt that it might be nice to be a girl, and once I had some really disturbing thoughts.”
“Go on,” prompted Maggie,
“Well,” I began, “God this is embarrassing” I paused.
“You don't need to be embarrassed,” comforted Maggie, “I'm your friend as well as your Doctor and nothing that you say can embarrass me.”
“Okay,” I continued, “There was this one time in the woods.” Maggie's eyebrow raised, “as I was orgasming I could see a picture of Alex and me in my head. Basically in my mind’s eye I was seeing us exactly as we were, except...” I paused again, but this time Maggie didn't interrupt allowing me to continue at my own pace. “except Alex had a penis and it was inside of me. Then afterwards it was like I was aching inside, like I had a hole that needed filling. Like inside I wanted it to happen. I mean that's just not normal is it? Men don't imagine being fucked by their girlfriend’s dick do they? I've never been gay or anything you know? It freaked me out to be honest, later on that is.”
“Why later on?” asked Maggie, she was on page two of her notes already.
“We had sex again a few minutes later and this time I ejaculated. After that I felt horrible inside, how could I have had thoughts like that?”
After a few more scribbles Maggie put down her pen and looked through the notes she had taken down for a moment in order to gather her thoughts.
“I must admit it is unusual,” she said, “but it's not totally unheard of, nor does it come as a total surprise. Let me explain what has been happening and then we can talk about where we can take things.
“I didn't find out about any of this until Alex came to see me about a month ago, just before your last appointment. She knew that I would work out that something was wrong as soon as I saw your blood test results and she didn't want me to say anything. She told me how you were dressing up in bed to help her with her issues. She said that it really helped at night but there were still problems in the daytime. Apparently she looked for help on the Internet instead of coming to me and she read about hormone treatments to feminize men. I know she was desperate to save the marriage but you have to know that I can't condone the way that she did what she did. She bought some oestrogen tablets online, and when she picked up your testosterone prescription she simply swapped the pills over.”
“She told me that the pharmacy had swapped suppliers which was why the pills looked different,” I added, “But why didn't you tell me as soon as you found out?”
“At first I was going to but Alex begged me not to. She said that things were getting better for her and that you seemed happy with what was happening. So I agreed to wait until I had seen you for myself.”
“and then?” I asked.
“When you came to see me for your last appointment I couldn't believe how good you looked. She was right about you being happier. But it wasn't that that convinced me, after all if Alex was happier with the way things were then it stands to reason that you would be happier simply as a consequence of her happiness. No, what convinced me was the physical changes and how healthy you looked.”
“I don't understand,” I confessed, “What physical changes? I mean I know I've lost weight, but that was deliberate, and...” I hesitated, again Maggie just waited for me to go on, “well whilst we were on holiday I did think my man boobs looked a bit like proper boobs, but that was just the bra's I was wearing. Wasn't it?”
“Probably not Honey,” smiled Maggie, “but that's not what I meant either. Look in the mirror. Look at your eyes.” I stood up and walked over to the mirror to look, “You've had dark rings and sunken eyes pretty much since you first fell ill when you were 17 right? Well, where are they?”
I couldn't believe it, as a rule I didn't look at my eyes in the mirror because they depressed me. I can't count how many job interviews I had failed when I first started looking with the agency reps telling me that the interviewer was worried that I had a drugs problem. I believe that if I hadn't met Gary that day in Maggie's waiting room then I would still be looking for a job to this day. Now, though, my eyes looked great, just like they had before I got ill when people told me that I had 'go to bed' eyes. Studying myself I could see that my skin looked softer and, kind of, brighter and my hair. Wow, where my hair had been thinning it was now starting to look thicker again.
“That's incredible,” I gasped, tears of joy starting to well up, “do you mean to say that this is because I am on women's hormones?”
Maggie handed me a tissue, “I don't pretend to really understand it Sam. But it is the only thing that has changed. All your other blood levels are the same as they were. That's why I agreed not to say anything until you'd had your holiday and experienced life as a girlfriend. I also put you onto proper, prescription hormones at the proper dose for your size and weight.
“If you had hated the whole experience then I would have put a stop to it here and now, but you really didn't did you?” I shook my head, “in fact, I would go as far as to say that, for the most part, you rather enjoyed being the girlfriend. Am I right?”
I wanted to blurt out an all denying “No” but I couldn't. Truth was I had enjoyed bits of it. I had really enjoyed the love making, especially the girl orgasms, but also the submissive nature of taking the female position. Equally I enjoyed the power I seemed to have over Alex with my feminine sexuality. As a man I had never been able to make a girl as hot as I apparently made Alex when I had on a short skirt. It was kind of like having the power to make things happen and then being able to submissively lie back and let them flow over you. I also like the feeling of the soft, feminine fabrics on my skin. Being hairless was rather sensual to, and feeling the breeze on my skin, even showering felt better with no body hair.
Unable to shake a slightly embarrassed feeling I admitted it. “Yes, I did rather enjoy it. But I don't know if I want to do it all the time.”
“That's fine,” replied Maggie, “I think that this is something that you need to think about, and possibly experiment with. You need to ask yourself how much difference to your life will it make? What will you lose by being a girl? And what will you gain? Really consider the effect it will have on relationships, with Alex, your family, your friends even your colleagues at work. Do you need to go the whole hog and become a girl or is there a midway point you could reach where you are a girl some of the time and a man at other times? If that's what you want.
“You do know that I am incredibly fond of you and Alex, don't you Sam? For what it's worth, as a friend and not a Doctor, you both seem to be a lot better since Alex started this. I really thought that you would end up splitting up before, and I know that it would have really hurt the both of you if it had happened. Seeing you today, and Alex yesterday,” that was a surprise to me, “you are both acting as though you are just starting out in a new and exciting relationship and you are as deeply in love as anyone I have ever known. How much sacrifice is your marriage worth Sam? How much are you willing to give up for Alex?”
I left Maggie's office feeling a little better in myself, at least I knew that there was a reason behind me acting the way that I had on holiday. Before leaving we agreed not to tell Alex about the discussion, I hadn't told her that I had an appointment with Maggie in much the same way that she hadn't told me about hers the previous day. I don't like keeping secrets from Alex, it really tears at me inside, but sometimes you have to and I wanted to be sure that I was doing the right thing before bringing out into the open. I should have been angry about what she had done to me but I actually found myself being a bit flattered in a strange kind of way. Alex actually loved me so much that she was prepared to do almost anything to make the relationship work. She must have known that there was a possibility of me leaving her when I found out but then, as Maggie had said, we couldn't have carried on the way we were.
Work was a definite issue, I'd been working for Gary for quite a long time now and we got on really well but I didn't know how he felt about things like this. Then there were the girls in the office too, Ellie and Barbara, we chatted loads about silly little things and I really liked their company. Would they still be friendly if they knew that I had been wearing skirts during my holiday? As for clients, in the time I'd been there I had more than doubled the value of Gary's business. How would the clients respond if they found out? Potentially they could leave Gary's company in droves, I don't know if I could cope with that. For work at least, I decided that I needed to stay as a man and keep my other life a complete secret.
Family was easier. Whilst my parents were old fashioned in many ways we had a very good relationship. Since my illness we had become incredibly close and, once they got over the initial shock, I knew that they would accept any decision I made and be fully supportive too. It was one of those areas in my life in which I felt truly blessed. My sisters would be the same, I was their sibling, brother or sister would make no difference to them.
That left friends, well obviously no problem with Maggie, she already knew. My oldest and dearest friends, a couple that I hadn't even seen in over a year would also be fine. The rest of them, if they don't like it they can't be that good a friend can they? If they want to stay friends, they will have to accept me for who I am.
At that point I realised that I had pretty much made my decision. I was going to give it a go, no promises to anyone. No changes at work and only gradual changes in public, let's face it I wore a lot of girl’s clothes anyway not a lot would need to change. At home I would be whatever Alex wanted me to be, if things became uncomfortable then I would reconsider but for now...
Three months we'd been back from our holidays, three months I had been on the proper hormone therapy prescribed by Maggie. It showed, and it was starting to cause problems. After three months of treatment you see I had breasts, only A cups, nothing huge but they were becoming noticeable under clothes. At home it wasn't a problem, certainly not from Alex's point of view. She loved playing with them and they were so sensitive I loved it too. She could, if she wanted to make me orgasm just by playing with my breasts. It was just a shame that she could never bring herself to let me play with her body any more, she literally kept herself covered up from neck to toe.
Anyway, work was the problem. The way things were going somebody was going to notice them and then what? I could lose my job. There really was no option, I needed to find a way of hiding my buds during the day, only letting them out on evenings and weekends. I did some research on line to find ways to hide them during the day and,, amusingly, I ended up on a female to male transgender site. I found that rather ironic as I was going the other way, albeit only part way. They had lots of information about binders, and sports tops and other methods of keeping your girls close to your chest, in the end I ordered an Extreme Sports and Binding Bra, it definitely seemed to do the trick. Even as my breasts grew a little bit more the bra kept them down to about the same size for work, it did get a little bit uncomfortable towards the end though.
The other thing that was getting uncomfortable at work was my butt. That was growing too, my work pants were starting to get tight across the seat I ended up having to buy bigger sizes and cinching the waist in with a belt just to make the seat look normal. Again, this wasn't a problem at home, if anything my girl trousers fitted better now than they did before. In fact, all of my work clothes were uncomfortable in one way or another. The material always felt rough against my skin, and it was heavier than the clothes I wore at home. My work clothes seemed to almost drag me down whilst my home clothes lifted me up. I took to wearing only the softest most feminine underwear, especially camisoles and even started wearing tights under my trousers to protect my skin.
Still that wasn't all of it. Even at the time I wondered if my work clothes were having a detrimental effect on my relationship with Alex. On weekends we were fine, quite a normal couple really, we'd gotten past that passionate young love phase where we made love every day and had settled into a routine where we expressed our love for each other in different ways.
During the week though, if Alex saw me in my work clothes then she wouldn't go near me for the rest of the day. It didn't matter if I changed into girl’s clothes later, she just wasn't happy about it. It was almost like I was two different people, during the week I was a lodger, even slept in the spare room some nights, and at weekends the lodger left and the lover turned up. It wasn't the best way to live, but at least we were still together.
It was around that time when I noticed something different, or to be more precise I noticed that I was noticing something differently. I was suddenly noticing girls, nothing new there I hear you say. Well not in itself, no. What was new was what I was noticing about the girls. Figure, face, breasts and legs are the normal things a man notices about a woman. I noticed their clothes.
I would be walking down the street and a girl would catch my eye but I wouldn't think “nice legs” or anything like that. No, for me it was nice skirt, pretty dress and on more than one occasion I used the word cute.
It gets worse though. Soon I wasn't just noticing the nice stuff, I started critiquing what girls were wearing. You know, “I wouldn't put that top with those trousers”, that sort of thing. I even found myself getting quite angry with girls that didn't appear to put a lot of effort into their appearance. How could someone blessed with a figure to make clothes look good not care about what they wore? One of my biggest bug bears was the lack of thought about bra straps. Whenever I wore a halter neck I tried to either wear a bra with a halter or clear straps. As for backless tops and dresses, what is the point if you have a big old bra strap running across the middle. To start with I didn't really understand why I got so riled up over these things. It took Alex to point out that I sounded jealous, and I suppose I did. I suppose I was in a way which of course meant I had something new to worry about. Why was I jealous of girls and their clothes? I mean normal men do not care about what women are wearing do they? In fact, most men don't even care what they wear? To be honest, before all of this started I wore a suit on workdays and a pair of jeans with whichever t-shirt was on top of the pile the rest of the time. I suppose that if you are forced to pay attention to what you, yourself, are wearing then you will automatically take more notice of what other people are wearing.
An Alternative Point of View
Transcript of an interview between Dr Sylvia Marchland and Alex Whitman. I have included this interview with my findings to try and validate the mental state of Alex Whitman at this point
Alex: Things changed for me during the holiday with Sam down in Devon. Before we went I just wanted her to be a bit girlier, you know. I thought we could pretty much carry on as normal but at home she could by my girlfriend as well as my husband. Stupid to think that we could live like that but it's what I wanted. Well what I thought I wanted.
Sylvia: So what changed?
A: It was a lot of things really, suppose it started on the first morning really. I had this great plan all worked out you see, but I didn't anticipate my reaction to seeing Sam in a skirt. She looked so damned cute, I suddenly felt this desire, I couldn't help it, Sam in a skirt turned me on in a way that she never had before.
My plan had been to treat Sam like a girl so that she would learn to act like one and I was going to pretend to be like a man to reinforce the learning. I had even practised masculine mannerisms at home during the days whilst Sam was at work. I was determined to make Sam feel what it was like to be the girl in the relationship so I had decided to act like a bit of a macho pig. At the start of the holidays I didn't actually want to be a man, I fully intended to go back to being me at the end of it. But I found that, as the first week went on, I was really starting to enjoy the part. It got to the point where I found myself wanting to be a man, and so I allowed myself to slip deeper into the role. I wasn't just pretending to be a man when Sam was around, I was living the part full time.
S: Do you think it was fair to try and make Sam into a girl?
A: Well to start with, I mean right at the start she'd been so willing to do things. You know, I mean she wore girl’s pyjamas at night, then she shaved all of her body hair off. I just asked her if she would and she did, I didn't put any pressure on her at all. Even when I asked her to wear lady’s underwear on a full time basis she just said yes. It was almost as if she wanted me to change her. As for the way she reacted to sex that first night in the cottage. I'd learned this position off a website that allows a man and woman to have sex but it puts the man in the woman's position, if you know what I mean. I didn't know how Sam would react because it was more than a bit strange for me and I was expecting it. Sam loved it, she started to open her legs just like a girl as soon as she was aroused. I really did think that she should have been a girl. She wasn't very happy as a guy you know. Never really fitted in with other men. Even before she met me most of her friends had been girls.
S: Okay Alex, what did you do next?
A: To be honest there wasn't a lot I could do on holiday apart from follow through with my plan, Sam sank deeper into the female role and really seemed to be enjoying it. At times I wasn't even initiating things, she was. I'd suggested she wore jeans when we had to go into town one day, but she wanted to wear a dress. Same on the day we came home, she chose to wear a skirt even when I said that she'd probably be happier in trousers. She loved it so much that on the way home, when we stopped the car she gave me a blow job. Crouched down in the foot well she was, head in my crotch wearing nothing but her undies and a tiny little skirt that barely covered her behind. When I asked her why she'd done it said that I deserved it. To be honest I wish we hadn't gone home, she changed.
S: He changed or you changed Alex?
A: I suppose we both did, but when she went back to work she became all blokey again. She stopped wearing nighties and skirts and started wearing those stupid suits again.
S: What about you, what happened to you when you got home?
A: Oh, well, I was a bit stupid really. Remember when I said that I'd kept all of Alex's old testosterone pills? When I got home I started to take them. Sam had to take two capsules twice a day, so that's what I did. Maggie got really pissed when she found out. Apparently a normal guy Sam's size would need half the dosage that she did, Sam was a bit of a mystery to the medical profession. It was far too much for me, that's for certain.
S: You were taking testosterone? How did it make you feel?
A: To be honest I began to hate myself. In my head I was a real man's man, but in reality I had soft skin, rounded butt and thighs, and tits. I really hated my tit's but there wasn't a lot I could do about them. I started going to the gym every day to try and harden up my body, I didn't know that body builders take testosterone to boost muscle growth. Soon found out though, and when hairs started to grow on my face. That was fantastic. I got one of them special shirts to minimise my boobs, it did okay but it wasn't perfect. Still I could live with it, for a short time.
S: What about Sam?
A: That all changed too. I never stopped loving her or anything like that, it was just that she didn't match up to the image that my head had for the perfect girlfriend. I suddenly wanted her to be like a trophy wife, all blonde hair and frills. The sort of girl I used to really hate to be around. I got really angry with her for not wearing skirts. It's really hard to explain now. Back then it all made perfect sense but I couldn't tell you why. All I know is that for some reason Sam was wearing trousers when she should have been in skirts. Of course I tried not to let her know how mad I was show, and she could look kind of cute in a pair of tight jeans but her work suits. The thought of touching her in those suits. It's kind of funny in a way, this all started because I felt scared at the thought of being touched by a man because of what happened. But all of a sudden I wasn't scared, why should I be I was the man in the relationship now. No I felt dirty, you know, like I was touching another guy in an inappropriate way. It would be okay if I was gay but I'm not. Do you see what I mean about not making sense? Anyway I wanted to get Sam to wear cute girly clothes more often, and I wanted her to stop wearing those damned suits completely.
S: Is that why you wanted him to get breast implants?
A: Actually no, that came about by accident really. I was in the gym working out and just got so fed up with my breasts bouncing up and down I decided to get rid of them. At that point I wasn't thinking of Sam. That was when I finally went and saw Maggie, she said that the testosterone had turned me into an angry young man. Did you know that violent men nearly always have high levels of testosterone in their system? Maggie reckons it was lucky that I hadn't hit someone and got into trouble. She did some tests on me and it turns out I had made myself sterile. That really brought me back to my senses I can tell you. I mean, I didn't want to get pregnant because I wanted to be a guy. I'd wanted that before the tablets so I knew that it was real. But if I had managed to do that to myself what else could I have done. She changed my dose right away but it didn't really change how I felt about myself, I still wanted a breast removal. She made me wait a month before she would let me talk to a surgeon friend of hers, just to make sure.
S: So why does Sam now have breasts?
A: We were talking about me having my breasts removed and it just struck me that it would be nice if I could give Sam my breasts. I must have said something without realising it because the next thing I know Maggie's shouting at me. We were discussing it when the surgeon pipes up and says something about implants. I honestly hadn't planned anything up to that point but once she started talking about it, well it just seemed right.
S: And now?
A: Well it took a while. I did think that Sam was going to leave me at one point but she eventually came around and I think that it was the right decision for us both.
A Major Step Down the Road.
I didn’t find out some of this next bit until later, but it makes sense to tell you in the order in which it happened.
I knew that Alex was taking this role reversal thing kind of seriously. She hadn’t shaved any body hair off in over eight months, basically since our holiday in the cottage, and had proper hairy legs, not that I ever got to see them, Alex had kept herself very well covered up recently. She only wore men’s clothes, loose fitting jeans, combats, baggy t-shirts that sort of thing. She had also taken to going to the gym and hitting the weights. She was developing quite a good physique, but was losing a lot of her soft femininity. What I didn’t know was that she had been talking to Maggie, our doctor, about things. Nor that Maggie had introduced her to a cosmetic surgeon to discuss a breast removal.
“Right Alex,” began the surgeon, a middle aged lady named Edith, as she filled Alex in on the details of her upcoming surgery, “let me explain exactly what we will do and see how you feel. Because you have a D cup breast at the moment we will be using what is known as the double incision technique to remove your breasts. In this method, large incisions are made horizontally across each breast, usually below the nipple. The skin is then peeled back so that the mammary glands and fatty tissue can be removed with a scalpel. The muscles of the chest are not touched. Certain areas of harder-to-reach fatty tissue may also be removed via liposuction (such as areas near the armpits). Once the breast tissue has been removed, the excess chest skin is trimmed and the incisions closed, leaving two seams/scars just below the line of the pectoral muscles.
As far as the treatment and placement of your nipples I prefer to use a "pedicle" technique, wherein the nipples are left partially attached to the body via a stalk of tissue. They are then repositioned in a more aesthetically-male location, while their connection to the body via the pedicle stalk remains intact. I will trim the nipples and the surrounding areola to a smaller size. I prefer to use the pedicle option in an attempt to maintain sensation in the nipples.
Before the incisions are sealed, I'll put a couple of drains in. The drain tubing will come out of the body through a small hole under each armpit, and will be attached to a small plastic bulb on either side. This is to help drain off and collect any excess blood/fluid so that it will not build up under the skin. Normally I leave the drains in place for about a week, depending on how much fluid continues to drain. You might find that the drains need to be emptied occasionally. If they do you might need to get a friend to help.
The surgery itself takes about 3 to 4 hours, and I prefer to do it under general anaesthesia. I also do it on an outpatient basis. We'll do the surgery in the morning and then, hopefully, you'll be able to go home by mid-afternoon. There will be at least two post-surgical follow-up visits to remove drains and sutures, usually within the first week or so, and then to check the overall healing progress of the chest. If there are complications, more follow-up visits may be necessary. I would expect you to wear a binder for a few weeks to help in the healing process.
Because you have a desk job, you'll probably only need a couple of weeks off work to allow for your body to heal. Whatever you do don't try to go back to tasks before your body has had a chance to heal properly; the risk of scarring and complications is greatly increased if adequate healing time is not allowed.
The final result of the surgery usually provides for a well-contoured male chest, but it will leave you with two U-shaped scars below the pectoral area. Of course if we look after the incisions well and you decide to have a hairy chest they may not be overly noticeable.”
“You know, it’s a shame we can’t just give them to Sam” exclaimed Alex, completely out of the blue
“What do you mean?” responded the Edith
“Well I want rid of my breasts,” went Alex, “and Sam is going to need some very soon. I just think it would be nice if she could have mine”
“Does Sam know he is going to need breasts?” asked Maggie, putting emphasis on the 'he'.
“Not yet. But I know that once she has them she will love them, and she really will look like my girl then. I just worry that she’ll refuse to get them done, she can be a bit silly like that at times.”
“Alex, you can’t force Sam into getting breast implants” shouted Maggie, horrified. At the same time Edith turned around and said
“Unfortunately the breast tissue would be pretty much destroyed during the removal. But there's nothing to stop him having implants put in at the same time as you have your breasts removed. That way you can recover together. Although I must say that your recovery will be a lot easier than Sam's.”
“Okay, so what would it mean for Sam if we did do this?” asked Alex.
“Well, before we discuss Sam's surgery,” began Edith, “as I can't really examine him properly before the day of the surgery what can you tell me about the current state of his breasts?”
It was Maggie that answered, still looking doubtful about the ethics of what they were doing. “Well he's been on hormones for about 14 months now and he has developed to a reasonable Tanner III stage breast. From examinations I have carried out he has had full and proper development of glands and lobules so there shouldn't be much of a problem there.”
“What about his rib cage?” asked Edith, “Do we need to worry about that?”
“Not massively big,” responded Maggie, “obviously bigger than a genetic girl but for a man he is reasonably small, about 38 to 40 inches”
“Okay so he would need at least a D cup to look properly proportioned. I think that an 800cc implant will be sufficient but I will keep a 900cc to hand as well in case we need the extra size.
“Because of the size of the implant I would prefer to make the incision in the crease beneath the breast. The augmentation surgery is also done under general anaesthesia; so Sam will be completely asleep during the procedure. During surgery I will lift his breast tissue and skin to create a pocket, either directly behind the breast tissue or it may have to be placed beneath the pectoral muscle and on top of the chest wall, obviously the first choice is preferable. Once the implant is positioned within this pocket, the incisions will be closed, sounds simple when I say it like that. A gauze bandage will be applied over his breasts to help with healing. This surgery usually takes about one to two hours to complete.
“Normally I would do this sort of procedure in a day surgery like yours Alex,” she paused, “however, because of Sam's medical history I think it would be safest to keep him in overnight. I'll run through the full recovery process with you both after Sam has had the surgery but basically he will need to have a few days of complete rest, so if the both of you are having surgery at the same time you will need to get somebody in to help you.”
“I'll do that,” interrupted Maggie, “I think it's the least I can do for Sam after this.”
“Thanks Maggie,” piped up Alex before Edith continued.
“I would like Sam to wear a binder for the first week or two to make sure everything stays in the proper place after that he will need to wear a sports bra 24 hours a day for a couple of months.”
“That's nearly three months,” exclaimed Alex, “crikey I didn't expect it to be that long. What about work? And, you know, other stuff.”
Edith laughed. “Work should be no problem, a couple of weeks and he can go back just as long as he doesn't do any lifting. Anything strenuous I would leave for about 6 weeks, and that includes your 'other stuff' Alex. One final thing, I will need signed consent forms from both of you before I can do anything. Just don't ever tell me how you obtain Sam's. Okay?”
About a week later, at work, Gary gave me a whole load of paperwork to sign off. As always I started out reading through them before I signed, and as usual the amount I read became less with each passing page until I was soon signing the bottom without even a glance at the top. Shame really, I might have noticed the hospital logo on the third one from the end. Oh well, what’s done is done.
So it came around to the time of year when I have my annual check-up with Maggie, make sure all my hormone levels are okay, that sort of thing. Bit of a joke really, knowing what I know now, but back then I was a bit blind to the obvious. Well, she rang up about a week afterwards saying that something wasn’t right and I needed more tests. Probably nothing but better to be safe, usual stuff. So I made an appointment and, on the right day at the right time, I trotted off to the hospital.
It was unusually quiet in Maggie’s part of the hospital that day. Normally there would be a hoard of patients sitting in the waiting area, and a gaggle of nurses taking people in and working the desk. Today there was one nurse and I was the only patient. After only five minutes the nurse called me over.
“Mr Whitman, the Doctor will see you now,” Mr Whitman, I thought. Good job I am the only person here. As it wasn't a work day I had worn a skirt that morning and the Mr Whitman thing didn't really fit.
“Hi Sam,” smiled Maggie as walked through the door, “How are you doing? Now before we get going I need to give you an injection. It’s what we call a tracer and needs about ten minutes to get into your bloodstream.” She pulled out a rather large needle and stuck into my bicep, and I settled down for a ten-minute wait. Within two minutes I was out cold. I was lifted onto a bed by a hospital porter, aided by Maggie and the one nurse, and wheeled through the hospital to an operating theatre where Edith and an equally out of it Alex waited.
“Hey honey,” a voice broke through my unconscious mind. “Hi, welcome back to the land of the living. How do you feel?”
I slowly opened my eyes, Alex was sitting next to me wearing a pair of pyjamas, although the top was not fastened for once and her chest was wrapped in bandages.
“What? Where am I?” I said, or at least I tried to but my throat was so dry and sore I’m not sure that it came out properly.
“Here, have a sip of water” said Alex passing me a glass, “it’ll help”
I did as I was told and tried again, “What’s happened?” I asked, “Why am I here? And why does my chest hurt?” I had suddenly become aware of a throbbing pain in my chest.
“Well, began Alex, rather slowly, “I had to get rid of my breasts, they really don’t do anything for me anymore, you know? And I thought it would be nice to give them to you, as a present. Unfortunately, I couldn't, it wouldn't work. But it's okay, I got them to give you some really good implants instead. You are going to look so sexy”
This didn’t really sink in right away, Alex had had her breasts removed, well that explained the bandages on her chest but…oh my God.
“You gave me what?” I shouted horror dawning. “What do you mean you gave them to me” My hand went to my own chest, it too was covered in bandages and felt swollen and sore. “Please tell me you haven’t done what I think you’ve done. Why? How? I don’t believe this.”
“I’m sorry,” said Alex softly, “I thought you’d be happy, and I still think you will be. I mean, I know it’s a shock and all but when you think about it I am really the guy in this relationship and you are really the girl so you should have the breasts.” She paused, “not to mention the fact that you will look so much hotter with a beautiful pair of D-cups, I can’t wait to have a play.”
She was right, it was a shock and I was angry.
“What exactly have they done?” I asked
“Well, they basically made a little hole in the crease under your breasts and they put in silicone implants so that you have a lovely pair of D-cup breasts, they have also tattooed on some bigger areola's because your little man ones would look silly, and they injected your nipples with a bit of collagen to keep them in proportion. Edith reckons that it will take a year for the collagen to disappear and by that point your nipples should be about right by themselves. I also asked her to shave your Adam's apple whilst you were under, I thought it made sense to get it all done at the same time.”
My throat. All the revelations about my new breasts had made me completely forget about my sore throat. Fearfully I raised my hand to my neck and that too was swathed in bandages.
“Try not to move your arms too much for a couple of days Dear,” said a voice from the doorway. I turned to look and was faced by a friendly looking lady in a white doctor’s coat. “So, Alex, Sam,” she said, “How are you both feeling? I have to say your surgeries went about as easy as any surgery can.”
“I'm fine,” began Alex but I interrupted her.
“Errm, I sorry,” I said, “but who are you?”
“Oh I'm sorry Sam,” she replied, “I'm Edith. I performed the surgery on you and Alex this afternoon. I was just coming around to check up on you both and explain what you can expect to happen over the next few months.”
“You performed the surgery,” as I said it I was amazed at how calm I appeared, “I never asked for any surgery. How can you perform surgery if I don't ask for it?”
“But Sam. You did ask for it,” was the rather surprising response, “I have a release form here giving me authority to carry out all of the procedures listed. That is your signature on the form isn't it?” She showed me the form, it certainly looked like my signature.
“But how?” I stammered, “I mean I don't remember signing any forms.”
“Honey,” butted in Alex, “let's not waste the Doctor's time. I'm sure that she has a lot of people still to see today. What is it you need to tell us Doctor?” She turned to Edith and smiled.
“Well it's more for Sam really Alex.” She replied, “For you the big thing is to keep your binder on for a couple of weeks and make sure that Maggie keeps your drains emptied. As for you Sam,” she turned to me, “to make sure that everything is alright we want you to stay in the hospital overnight and then if there are no problems you can go home tomorrow. On returning home, you will need rest to give your body time to recover. Avoid excessive use of your arms and chest area for two or three days as it may cause irritation and bleeding. I believe Maggie Sorensson will be looking after you for a bit so she can sort out your drains and medicine for you. Because of the surgery, your breasts may feel hard and you may experience some painful twinges or general discomfort. These symptoms could persist for a few weeks but it's nothing for you to get worried about. It's just your body adjusting. I recommend that you take at least a week or two off work and you must avoid heavy lifting or strenuous exercise for at least a month, maybe even two.
“You should be able to return to most of your normal activities within six weeks, although you should keep the incision sites out of direct sunlight for about a year because the skin in these areas is more delicate. To avoid any slippage of the implants you will need to wear a binder for the first two weeks and afterwards I also recommend wearing a well-fitting sports bra 24 hours a day for two months. I will give you some silicon based ointment to put on your incisions to help minimise the scarring. This goes for you too Alex,”, she added, “I recommend covering the area with gauze pads to keep the ointment from getting on your clothes. I will give you some and I'm sure Maggie will procure anything else that you need.
“Hopefully there won't be any serious pain, you should be able to manage the day to day aches with over the counter paracetamol and ibuprofen. Don't waste money on branded stuff, the cheap supermarket own brands contain exactly the same ingredients. I will make an appointment for you both to come back and see me in a fortnight to assess how we are doing? Now do you have any questions?”
Questions? Did she really just ask if I had any questions? After what she'd done to me.
“No,” answered Alex, “you've explained marvellously. Thank you Doctor.” I just sat there dumbfounded as the Doctor said her goodbyes and left the room.
Suddenly a horrible thought struck me, work. What was I going to do about work? It had been hard enough hiding the little A cup breasts I had grown due to the hormones, but how was I going to hide a pair of D cups
“Silly girl,” was Alex’s response when I mentioned it, “I talked to Gary before we did anything. To be honest he'd already guessed though, the girls in the office know as well. They’ve been waiting for you to come out for ages. When I explained that you were having breast implants done they were all thrilled and they can’t wait to see the new you.”
I was speechless, they knew, all of them. The whole office knew that I had breast implants. What the hell was going on?
“Not that you need to worry about that at the moment, Gary has agreed to let you work from home whilst you recover, and as soon as you get the all clear from here we’re going to the cottage for a couple of weeks.”
That was that then, there wasn't a great deal I could do about it really. I went home the next day, was spoiled rotten by Maggie for a couple of weeks, ached like crazy and brooded. Just because I was accepting what had happened it didn't stop me from being angry. We went back for our appointments after two weeks and Edith was very pleased, allowing us both to take of our bindings. For me that meant wearing a sports bra, not the most glamorous of garments but supposedly it served a purpose, to be honest it didn't take long for me to really hate it. Probably didn't help that my new breasts were all swollen and hard, it was not a comfortable time for me. Alex on the other hand was ecstatic, for the first time in her adult life she didn't have to wear a bra at all. Even her swelling was going down quicker than mine and you could already see the definition of her new, manly chest. Although the scars did look red and angry, Edith assured her that they would fade a lot and recommended that we both stick with the silicon ointment for a bit longer. We made appointments to return in a further four weeks and went home.
Back to Work, Back on Top.
For me this was undoubtedly the worst period in our whole marriage. I still loved Alex, I don't think anything could change that ever. But I was incredibly angry with her at the same time, so angry in fact that I spent a fair few nights on the couch rather than share a bed with her. So angry that I decided to risk going back to work in order to get away from the house.
It was just after the second appointment with Edith and everything was still progressing nicely. She told Alex that she didn't need to see her again unless anything went wrong and booked me in for another appointment in four weeks’ time when the swelling should have almost gone. She asked if I had returned to work and that got me thinking about it. The atmosphere at home was not good, Alex was trying but I was still angry and confused and so, whilst going back to work was scary it might also help to ease the pressures at home. I emailed Gary, too scared to pick up the phone, and made arrangements to return.
The morning of my return to work came around and I was all prepared to wear a very conservative pant suit. But Alex would have none of it, she argued that if I wore trousers on my first day as a woman at work I would then have to face the first day of wearing a skirt at some point in the future. She thought it would be easier to get both firsts out of the way at the same time and I have to admit she did make sense. She had even been out and bought me a new outfit, a nice simple short sleeved red tunic dress. This was paired with a very smart dark grey collarless jacket and finished with 10 denier black tights and a pair of red pumps with a half inch heel. Alex did my make up for me keeping it simple but elegant. I must confess when I saw myself in the mirror I was quite impressed.
Since my operation I had deliberately avoided wearing nice tops, preferring to wear the big baggy jumpers that Maggie had picked up from Primark at my request. To be fair none of my old tops fitted any more, they had been bought to make the most of my tiny A-cup breasts and wouldn't go over my new D-cups, but that wasn't the reason for my decision. I was doing it to punish Alex, I knew that she wanted to admire my breasts and so I was doing everything I could to hide them.
But now it was me admiring them, admiring the way they enhanced my figure and how good I looked in my new dress. I must have spent 10 minutes stood in front of the mirror trying different poses, with jacket, without jacket. Full frontal, side views, stationary and in motion. Maybe things weren't so bad after all.
So for the first time ever I stepped out of the house on my own showing off my breasts. I walked over to my car and climbed in, I say my car but really that is a recent development. Alex had decided that my SUV was more suited to her new masculine image and taken it for herself, so I ended up with her Citroen DS3. Wouldn't have been too bad if the car wasn't white with a pale pink roof, still it was fun to drive and really I was stuck with it. Having paid for all the surgery there was nothing left for new cars.
As I headed out of town I was grateful that Gary had decided to base his business in a small out of town development. So small in fact that there were only five office buildings and we were the only tenants of our little corner of paradise. This meant that I didn't need to worry about walking through some busy lobby bumping in to casual acquaintances. All I had to worry about was Gary and the girls in the office, or maybe that should say the 'other' girls in the office.
Nervously I approached the front door, I could feel my heart racing and my palms were sweating. I reached for the door handle, took a deep breath and went in.
“Sam,” called Ellie from behind the reception desk, “Oh my God, look at you.” She came running out from behind the desk and enveloped me in a hug. “You look fabulous.” She took a step back and held me at an arm’s length, a huge smile crossing her face and lighting up her eyes. All of my fears just fell away, there was at least one person in the office that was genuinely pleased to see me. Further excited squeals soon heralded the entrance of more arrivals and every single one of them was gushing with joy. Commenting on my clothes, asking about the surgery, suggesting good places for a girl’s night out. It was very clear that I was going to be accepted by all of the girls in the office. That just left Gary.
“Is he in?” I asked Ellie, nodding towards Gary's office.
“He's been in since seven,” she replied grinning, “he's been tidying up the kitchen, he's cleaned and polished your whole office. He put a great big bunch of flowers in there for you too. You know everyone's missed you the last couple of months, Gary included. It just isn't the same around here without our Sam, and it'll be even better now that you're one of us girls.”
At that moment the door to Gary's office opened. “Damn it,” he proclaimed with a grin of his own, “I never thought of that. Good to see you back Sam, she's right it has been kind of quiet without you around. Now before we get down to work who fancies a coffee whilst we grill Sammy on his, sorry her, new look.” As everyone accepted his offer of coffee Gary himself disappeared into the kitchen to make them. That had always been one of the things that I liked about working for Gary, he was a part of the team as well as being the boss. If everything was going well he mucked in with everyone else, making coffee, filing, whatever needed doing basically. Of course whenever it was needed he could chew anyone out with the best of them, thing is when Gary chewed you out you knew you deserved it.
No work got done in the office that morning. We drank a lot of coffee, everyone taking turns at the kettle, and I answered all of the questions they threw at me. We talked about my new breasts, what sort of clothes I liked, how it affected my relationship with Alex just about everything really. The only really tricky moment came when Annie asked when I had decided that I wanted to be a woman. Considering I still hadn't decided that I wanted to be a woman, and wasn't sure that I ever would, all I could do was waffle something about not really knowing, I suppose it's always been there and that Alex had just brought it out of me. Gary then took us all out to a nearby pub for lunch where it was the girls turn to fill me in on their lives during my time away. I had always enjoyed working with Gary and the girls, but now it seemed to be even better.
After lunch Gary and I locked ourselves in his office and went through all of the accounts that we had on the go at the moment. I have to admit that I had expected it to be awkward, even after the relaxed morning I still expected him to be staring at me, to make comments, bloke stuff. But he didn't, after just 10 or 15 minutes we had slipped back in to our usual routine so much that I might as well been dressed in my old suit. During my absence Gary had decided to reveal my transformation to all of our customers and out of 60 only 12 had decided to take their business elsewhere. More interestingly 2 companies had approached us as a result of the news because we appeared to be an honest, open and very fair company.
I worked hard now that I was back in the office but Gary made sure that I went home at a decent time every day and I'm glad he did. Things were slowly improving at home, probably because I was starting to feel a bit more comfortable in my new body, not to mention that I was happier with life in general thanks to my workmates. I was soon back in the marital bed, although intimacy was off the menu as long as I was still in recovery. Alex had had great fun building up a new wardrobe to fit my new breasts, some of it was a bit pink and frilly for my taste but I needed clothes for the office and as I didn't really have the time to shop for myself I just accepted what she chose.
Ten weeks after the operation I had my final appointment with Edith who was very pleased with the look and feel with my breasts and told me that I could start wearing normal bra's whenever I wanted. She was also very pleased with the way my scars were fading and predicted that they would be virtually invisible in twelve month’s time. When I got home there was no sign of Alex, but there was a box on the coffee table along with a note that read “With Love from Me to You”
Carefully I lifted the lid of the box and took out the tissue paper that hid the contents. The first thing that I saw was a beautiful red satin bra. I hurriedly pulled the zip down on my dress and let it fall to the floor before removing the hated sports bra. I slipped my arms through the straps and leant forwards to settle my breasts in the cups of the bra before reaching back and fastening the garment behind me. After several weeks with the constriction of the sports bra it felt so comfortable, even free, it was lovely. Naturally there was a matching pair of red satin panties in the box as well so I slipped off my plain and work day dirty white ones and put on the clean smooth red ones. Something I never understood as a man was just how good a nice set of underwear can make you feel, but I understood it now. With a smile on my face I returned to the box and pulled out a black faux leather skater skirt with a pale pink lining. I stepped into it and revelled in the sensations as I pulled it up my legs and settled it at my waist. The skirt was shorter than anything else I owned, barely covering my satin clad bottom. But it didn't make me feel bad, instead it made me feel rather excited. The box also contained a very tight, figure hugging, low cut, cap sleeved, black top that really showed off my new breasts and rather impressive cleavage. To finish the outfit, I went up to the bedroom and switched my low heeled work pumps for the only pair of real high heels, three inch, that I owned but had never worn.
As I was admiring the way they made my bum look Alex walked into the room.
“Oh wow,” she smiled, “you look amazing. Do you like your present?” I nodded. “Good,” she continued, “look, I'm really sorry for everything Sam, can we try and be friends again?
“We will always be friends Alex,” I responded a genuinely happy smile lighting up my face, “and more.”
With that I put my arms out for a hug and she stepped forward.
This was the first time that we had held each other close since the operation and so the first time that it had been my breasts squashed between two bodies. Alex leant in, her mouth finding mine and hungrily forcing her tongue into my mouth. I ran my hands up her body under her shirt, noticing for the first time the hairs that were spreading across the skin. As she relaxed for a breath I stepped back and reached for the top button of the shirt, feeling nervous about what I would find. With trembling fingers, I struggled to free the small metal disc, I had seen pictures of Eastern European women with hairy armpits and found it ever so slightly disgusting, I hoped that I would not be equally repulsed by Alex. The first button popped free and I slid my fingers down to the second strangely noticing the pink of my painted fingernails against the stark whiteness of Alex's shirt. The second button slid open, closely followed by the third. Buttons four and five opened as I realised that this was the first time Alex had exposed her chest to me since this whole thing started over two years ago. Every time we had made love since she had worn some sort of shirt. It also occurred to me that this was the first time I had ever undone a man's shirt while somebody else was wearing it, the penultimate button gave up its claim on the buttonhole and slid free. Now there was a ridiculous thought, me sensuously taking some blokes shirt off him. The final button opened and the two sides of the shirt separated. I slid my pink lacquered nails up to Alex's shoulder and pushed the shirt over her shoulders until it dropped, sliding down her arms and falling to the floor. Plucking up courage I looked at my wife, happily I wasn't disgusted but neither was I excited. I knew that she couldn't have breasts anymore, because I had them, but even so it was a bit disconcerting to actually see her with a flat, manly chest. I was a little bit surprised to see just how hairy her chest had become in just a few weeks, and also how toned she was. I knew she had been going to the gym recently, but this was really impressive. I certainly couldn't have achieved those results in the same time frame. Curious I reached out and ran my long pink fingernails down her chest feeling the contours of her muscles and the soft furriness of her hair. As my nail touched her nipple it appeared to clench for a second and I felt Alex take a sharp breath. I'm not really sure why but I suddenly found myself wondering if Alex's legs would be as muscular and hairy as her chest? Again, we hadn't made love of any description since before the operation and Alex always wore pyjamas in bed, trousers in the daytime, so I hadn't seen her legs for weeks. I traced her muscles down across her hard, flat stomach until I reached her belt. Used to be my belt, I noted, black leather, double row of studs and a large African winged vampire skull buckle. Without thinking what it would look like to anyone watching I unfastened the belt and let the two ends fall apart. I then pulled the button out of its hole and slid the zipper down. Unfortunately, Alex had taken to wearing jeans that were rather tight across the thighs, probably to show off her muscles I realised, and they didn't fall down of their own accord. I carefully knelt before her and worked the heavy denim down her legs. These too were well on their way to being very hairy and were most definitely well defined. What had once been a soft layer of girly fat covering her thighs was now well sculpted, without being too large, muscle. Again my curiosity won out and I ran my fingernails down her thighs, my pink nail varnish flickering between the hairs. Alex coughed gently.
“Err,” she started, “before you go too much further you might want to take this.” She reached over to the dresser and handed me a blue pill. I didn't need to recognise it to know what it was, and to get excited at the thought that Alex was going to want to have actual sex with me doing man stuff. I took the pill from her hand and swallowed it with the proffered glass of water.
“Now come here,” she said grinning. I walked closer and she again took me into her arms and kissed me. My hands slid around her back and I held her tight, noticing the feel of hairs even there. I hesitated for a moment, could this be right, I mean men are hairy women are not, and I do not find men attractive. Meanwhile Alex was sliding her hands down my back, over my skirt and then under my skirt to cup my satin clad butt cheeks and give them a gentle squeeze. Any doubts I had melted away with that squeeze, this is my Alex and I love her. No matter what she looks, or feels like Alex is my soul mate for as long as I have a heart. With a renewed passion I kissed my true love, right up until she pulled back in order to lift my top over my head and drop it onto the floor next to my skirt.
“I seem to recall that you were on your knees a moment ago,” said Alex already breathing hard, “do you think you could find it in your heart to go down there again and give me a little bit of joy from that wonderful mouth of yours?”
So, clad only in red satin underwear, I dropped to my knees in front of Alex and took hold of her boxer shorts. I gently slid them over her thighs, down her calves and left them pooled on the floor. I moved my mouth to her crotch and with my tongue I began to explore. I flicked my tongue over her clitoris as it began to swell and I licked at her pussy as it became moist. Her hands grasped the back of my head and held it in place as her breathing became ragged and rapid.
“Oh baby,” she moaned, “Oh that feels good, oh yes that is so good.” I increased my work rate and grasped her buttocks, pulling her further onto my mouth. At the same time, I felt a stirring that I hadn't felt in quite a long time, the little blue pill was doing its magic and my penis was becoming erect.
Suddenly Alex cried out. “Stop, stop,” she cried “I can't come yet.” I stopped and looked up at her from my place on the floor amongst the discarded clothes. Alex reached down and helped me to my feet, leaning in for another passionate kiss and noticing the growing erection in my panties. Her hand dropped down for a quick stroke before grabbing me around the waist and pulling me in tight grinding our groins together and groaning with pleasure.
Holding me by the hips the now naked Alex backed up to the bed and lowered herself onto the mattress pulling me down on top of her. Without messing around her hand reached into my red satin panties and grabbed hold of my Viagra enhanced erection, tugging and pulling it out through the leg hole. On the outside she took hold once more and lay back on the bed, spreading her legs and allowing access to the only feminine part left on her body. Confused I allowed her to manoeuvre me into position, watching as she inserted my manhood into her body. It had been so long since we had had normal sex with me on top that I found myself feeling a bit out of sorts and was strangely relieved to feel Alex's legs beginning to close beneath me, squeezing my thighs. I leant forwards and put my weight onto my arms as I carefully lifted first my left leg and then my right leg and slid them over Alex's until I was straddling her prone body.
“Now slide yourself forwards a bit,” instructed Alex as she placed her hands on my still bra encased breasts and began to push, “and sit yourself up. I want to play with these puppies.”
As I moved into the desired position the pressure on my penis became a little bit uncomfortable but when I complained to Alex she just shrugged, “Sometimes we have to put up with a bit of discomfort to make our man happy dear, maybe this will help.”
Her hands began to move on my breasts, caressing the recently healed flesh and brushing against my rapidly swelling nipples. I had grown used to the wonderful sensations I experienced when Alex had played with my breasts but now that my breasts, and more noticeably my nipples, had been replaced with a much bigger version so the waves of pleasure grew exponentially. Her fingers eased themselves between my breasts and the cups of my bra, working their way down the soft white flesh. Tickling, teasing, tormenting. Reaching underneath the breast she used her thumbs to rub and press my nipples as her fingers and the backs of her hands worked to release the flesh from its satin cases. I closed my eyes as a soft moan escaped my lips, the tingling in my breasts starting to send lightning bolts down to my stomach. I tilted my head back slightly, leaning forward putting the weight of my chest more firmly onto Alex's hands. She kneaded and pummelled, tweaked and twirled, stroked and stimulated building me up and up and up and then her hands were gone. The loss of support caused me to rock forward only just managing to catch my balance again. My new breasts dropped and swayed and for the first time I felt the full force of their weight, my instincts causing me to push my head further back as another moan, this one full of disappointment, leaked out.
I felt Alex's hands as they reconnected with my skin, this time at the hips. They took a firm hold on my body and gently lifted me away from her body, my penis sliding against the walls of her vagina. Lifting further and further, almost until the point our bodies separated before pulling me back down. Up and down and up and down and up, pleasure and discomfort from the angle of my member fighting to cancel each other out. Alex's grip relaxed as my body responded to her directions, my thighs beginning to take the strain of moving me up and down. Speeding up as pleasure began, ever so slowly, to win the battle. At the same time my nipples were starting to ache, crying out for attention and my breasts were starting to swing in time to the movement of my body. Each swing tugging against my flesh and causing a sharp twinge of pain distracting my pleasure centres from the building excitement within. Almost acting without thinking, I lifted my hands and cupped my own breasts supporting them and taking away the pain. My fingers straying to the nipples to continue the job that Alex had so recently relinquished, instantly rekindling the fire that had been fading from a lack of attention. A tingling heat spread through my body, muscles clenched, tensed, relaxed and repeated. The passion grew and I could feel an orgasm, a man orgasm and girl orgasm combined, building but it never tipped over. I was vocally expressing my ecstasy getting louder than I had ever been before but somehow a noise managed to filter through and I opened my eyes for a split second. At the time what I saw didn't really register but my mind obviously took in every detail and later, lying in bed whilst Alex snored next to me it was replayed in glorious technicolour.
The noise had been the sound of Alex's dressing gown falling from a hanger hooked over the wardrobe door. Actually falling may not be the right word. Somewhere deep in my subconscious I had noticed Alex's hand move from my hip and I believe that she pulled the gown down deliberately to reveal my reflection in the full length mirror. I guess that the apparently random falling across the bed wasn't so random after all, I had been carefully positioned by a very sneaky partner.
So what was it that I saw in that moment, deep in the throes of a passion that was never actually sated. Alex had orgasmed herself and then pushed me off and gone to sleep, leaving me unfulfilled and rather agitated. This was a trick that she hadn't pulled in a long time but I now assume that it was all part of her plan, whatever that may be.
I saw my reflection in the mirror, I know it was my reflection because it was my face, a face that was far too masculine for the rest of the scene that I took in. There on the bed was a short haired, hairy chested person lying on their back, one hand resting on the hip of their partner the other draped along the bed to the side. The partner was straddling the hairy person, coupled at the groin, and bouncing up and down in a very energetic manner. Each bounce made the partners large breasts jiggle despite the hands holding them tightly, pink nails shining against white flesh and working on swollen, brown nipples. The sexual parts of the partner’s body were beautifully framed in red satin drawing the eyes in to the body and highlighting the ensconced femininity of the wearer. Behind the jiggling boobs you could see the heaving chest raising and falling as the excitement grew, breath being pulled in to fuel the passion of the young woman as she rode her man to an earth shattering climax. Even the girls face was a picture of ecstasy, her cheeks were flushed a bright red colour. Her eyes whilst they are open they are clouded with lust. Her mouth, lips painted red parted as she moaned with pleasure, her tongue protruding slightly occasionally flicking out to moisten the proverbial kisser. Her hair is damp with sweat, the cute little page boy style ruffled and adding a little more sexiness to the girls look.
Only it's not a girl, it's me and I am still clinging to the rather absurd idea that I am a man. Even faced with what I saw in the mirror I want to believe that I am the male part of the relationship. But it is getting harder and harder to find a trace of the old me. I search the image lodged in my mind, if you look closely the lips of the girl in the mirror are too thin to be really feminine and her cheekbones don't really show well enough. But from the chin down everything visible is totally female, and even though I know the genitalia is male I would be hard pushed to tell from the clip that is running on repeat, unwanted but unstoppable in the cinema of my head.
It is becoming harder for me to maintain my belief but I am determined to keep hold of myself for as long as possible. I ask myself again why I am allowing Alex to do this to me, and again I know the answer, that I am completely in love with her. As I always do at this point in my thought process I try to imagine my life as a fully-fledged woman and as always it is very, very difficult, but when I try to imagine a life without Alex I simply can't. I couldn't imagine waking up and not looking at her face or going to sleep not breathing in her aroma. I know that she needs me to be a convincing woman to help with her phobias about men, I just hope that it doesn't go too far.
The next morning, we were to leave for the cottage by the sea, almost exactly one year on from our first, life changing, visit.
Following the revelations in the previous sessions I was pleased to see Sam starting to take a little bit more control over her life even if it was within the framework of her new life.
Return to the Cottage
We arrived at the cottage around mid-day, all the way there I dwelt on the previous evenings events. All night long, whether I was awake or asleep my mind kept replaying the images from the mirror. Had I been more aware of what I was doing I am sure the outcome would have been different but I had been so lost in the passion of the moment my conscious mind didn't even acknowledge what it was seeing, it was only my subconscious that revealed all after the event. By the morning it was quite clear, even to me, that I was now more girl than man, emotionally as well as physically. There could be no question that the physical image was one of a girl, a bit of a boyish looking girl but definitely a girl. Equally, much as I tried to find evidence disproving the fact, the girl was enjoying what she was doing. The girl was clearly playing with her own breasts moving between the whole breast and the nipples, it was also clear that she was the main antagonist in the sexual intercourse. The male participant was lying on his back, one hand draped across the bed whilst the other was resting gently on the girl’s hip. The girl on the other hand was moving up and down against the man's genitals, her thigh muscles were showing signs of the strain required to be constantly maintaining the motion. Knowing that the girl was me was proof that I did, at least, enjoy some aspects of being a girl. If I liked some of it, what about the rest? And so I spent the journey to the cottage analysing my life as it was now, totally oblivious of Alex in the driving seat of the car next to me.
I considered the clothes that I was wearing, I still had on the red satin bra from the previous evening although I did have on a clean pair of matching red satin panties. It occurred to me that all of my underwear was in matching sets, for every bra I owned I had several pairs of matching, or at least complementary knickers. Over my underwear I was wearing an above the knee dark blue short sleeved dress that buttoned up the front and pair of low heeled pumps. Did I like the feel of these clothes? What about the way they make me look? What about the way other people’s reactions made me feel? There was a lot to think about and a lot of decisions to make.
“Come and sit with me,” I said to Alex as she walked into the lounge. As I was already in the one armchair she sat, perched on the edge, of the large sofa.
“There's something wrong isn't there?” she asked, concern showing on her face.
“Sort of,” I replied, “Alex, I need you to be honest with me. A year ago we came to this cottage for the first time and I was a guy. I know that I wore some girl’s clothes in order to help you out with your problems, because I love you. But inside I was still a man, I thought like a man, I acted like a man and I wanted to be a man. At that point I had never even thought about becoming a girl, not once. Now look at me. In one year I have one from wearing pretty androgynous looking girl’s clothes to wearing real girly girl skirts and dresses. I have a really feminine hair style, wear make-up practically all of the time and now I have boobs, proper boobs. There is virtually no man left in me at all, even the obvious bits don't work properly any more without chemicals, you are turning me into a real girly girl and I don't know why.”
I don't know whether it was the words or something in my tone of voice but tears started to flow down Alex's cheeks.
“Oh Honey,” she sobbed, “that was never what I wanted, and it's still not.”
“So what do you want?” I asked, already starting to feel bad at making the person I loved cry. But I had to push this, I had to know for my own peace of mind.
“I just wanted a female version of you,” she said, “A female Sam Whitman. I wanted everything that was good about you but in the body of a girl.”
“But why?” I kind of knew the answer already but needed confirmation, “and when did it start?”
Alex took a deep breath and looked across at me.
“The day we first met at Mikki's party, I knew that there was something special about you. Apart from my Dad you were the only man I ever felt comfortable with. My Uncle and cousins did a lot of damage to me and for the first time, when I was with you, I felt safe. You gave me everything that I could have wanted, you are kind, caring, loving, funny and every moment I spent with you was heavenly. When you asked me to marry you I was the happiest girl alive, it was like living in a dream. It was so good that things that weren't perfect just stopped mattering, I thought I could cope with anything as long as I was with you.”
“Things that weren't perfect?” I queried.
“We-ell,” she hesitated, “please don't take this the wrong way but the sex wasn't great. It wasn't bad, never bad, but it never really hit the heights. You know?”
Actually, I did know, that was one of the aspects of our life that had totally transformed over the last twelve months, both in quality and quantity.
“So I guess something changed when we saw your uncle in Chester then?” I asked, not commenting at all on the sex question.
“Yes, I couldn't believe it when I saw them near the cross. It was like, how did they find me? What do they want? And I felt all my defences rise. My only thought was to get back to the safety of your arms but,” the sobbing increased, “but when I did I didn't feel any better, in fact it got worse. Suddenly my brain started throwing out these stupid ideas, like Mum trusted her brother and look what he did, who's to say Sam won't turn out the same.' I actually felt threatened by your touch. You. I knew that you could never do anything like that but my body and mind were just so messed up they went all crazy.
“Those first few months were awful, and I can't believe you put with me all that time. I tried to make it right, I tried loads of different things to help but nothing worked. It got to the point that the only way I could see of moving forward was to leave, the only problem with that was that I can't imagine my life without you being in it. I love you so much Sam and the thought of not seeing you every single day was more than could face. I honestly couldn't see a way out.
“Do you remember that first night, when I suggested you dressed up in my pyjamas so that I could pretend you were a girl?”
I nodded, “Aye, and then you made me shave my whole body a couple of nights later because the hairs spoiled the illusion. It seemed to work at the time.”
“It helped,” she admitted, “but it didn't really work, especially when I saw you during the day. But it did start me thinking. You see I couldn't live with you the man but, even more so, I couldn't live without you the person and I found myself wishing that you were a girl. That would make everything perfect, I had had relationships with girls at boarding school so that side of things would be fine and I would still have my Sam. I guess I didn't think it through properly, I certainly never thought about where it would end up, but at last I had something to aim for. I guess I was being really selfish, but you always seemed happy to go along at first.
“When we reached that point when you were wearing girl’s jeans and tops, and the underwear it was actually getting quite good. I still had problems at times, and I struggled to be around you when you were dressed for work, but there were also times, normally a Sunday afternoon or the end of a holiday when you had worn girl’s clothes for a couple of days when I could forget, well, sort of.
“I thought that if I could get you into some really girly clothes that would make it even better. I'd done some research online by that point,”
“Research?” I interrupted, “What do you mean research?”
“Well I researched ways to turn men into women,” she responded, “they call it feminisation. A lot of the stuff was useless, it turned men into sissies and I didn't want a sissified man I wanted a female Sam,” she smiled a bit through the tears, “anyway some of the sites were really useful, they went on that if you put a man in a skirt and treated him like a girl it would affect his subconscious and he would start to respond. To actually achieve anything, it would have to be constant over a period of time so I thought of this place. They also talked about hormones and testosterone blockers and how that could affect the male psyche, as well as feminising the body a bit. Well with your medical history I didn't have to worry about blockers, and as I always get your prescriptions from the pharmacy for you it was pretty easy to substitute oestrogen that I bought online for your testosterone tablets and you were none the wiser.”
“You switched my pills?” having already heard all of this from Maggie many months ago I had to pretend to be surprised. Not that I needed to bother Alex simply carried on oblivious.
“Yes,” she continued, “the only problem arose when it was time for your annual check-up with Maggie. But once I talked to her...”
“You talked to Maggie?”
“Yes, she was pretty angry to start with but once I had explained the situation and she understood what I wanted she promised to help. But she did insist that we did it properly and not with drugs bought off the internet, so she gave me a prescription for proper hormone tablets that were much stronger than the ones we had been using.”
I took the opportunity to answer a few of the niggling little questions that had remained me with ever since that first holiday.
“The new pills that you gave me at the start of the holiday,” I stated, “Did I actually forget to pack my pills, or was that your doing as well?”
“That was me?” she replied looking down at the floor, maybe a sign of guilt I thought, “I went through your suitcase whilst you were at work and took out all of the things that I didn't want you to have whilst we were away. I knew that, if I put the case in the car, you wouldn't bother to check so...”
“So how long had I been on hormones before we went on holiday?” I asked,
“About three months”
“Jesus Christ, three months?” a thought hit me, “so those swellings on my chest really were the start of my own breasts?”
“Yes,” At least Alex had stopped crying now, “Maggie noticed them during your check-up. But it wasn't until we upped the dose that they really started to grow.” she stopped and giggled slightly, “remember how you felt a bit sick at times in the second week of the holiday,” A bit sick, I thought to myself, I threw up practically every day. “Well, according to Maggie, you basically had morning sickness. Just as though you were pregnant. It's due to the sudden increase in oestrogen apparently, tricks the body into thinking a baby is coming.
“The thing is,” she paused and took another deep breath, I waited, “some things happened during that week that I hadn't anticipated and they kind of changed the direction of my plans a bit.”
“The original plan was quite simple, I was going to reward you by making love to you as long as you wore a skirt, acted like a girl and let me treat you like a girl. I'd found that sex technique that I used online, with me on top and between your legs, they said that men really struggle to cope if they see themselves fulfilling the female sexual role. Apparently the male ego refuses to accept it. The first night, that went exactly according to plan, I had an alarm clock next to my pillow that woke me up so that I could make love to you several times throughout the night. Again, please don't take this badly, but that was the best sex we had ever had, you actually made me come twice that night, just through intercourse.
“What I hadn't anticipated was my reaction to seeing you the next morning. The plan had been, assuming you wore the skirt of course, to have breakfast, make love to you in the bedroom, go out and then make love again in the evening. But you blew me away. When you walked into the kitchen in that outfit you stole my heart all over again. To my eyes you had always been a reasonably good looking guy, a bit cute but not really a heartthrob, sorry. But the girl in front of me, I don't know, you turned me on. My reactions that day were all genuine, I really couldn't keep my hands off you. In fact, it was a struggle not to fuck you even more times than I did. Those times when you didn't come and left you wanting more, I had to force myself to stop after one orgasm. I could quite happily have carried on, but it was all part of the whole girl experience. Do you know there probably isn't a single girl out there that hasn't been left unfulfilled by a man, and you couldn't feel like a proper girl without it.
“The second day, I knew that you would pick the jeans. I was supposed to just carry on but without the sex, problem was I was so disappointed not to see my hot sexy girl from the day before I went and got angry with you. It was stupid really, I couldn't give a single legitimate reason for being angry it just happened. Naturally I couldn't stay angry for long but it made me realise that things weren't going to be as easy as I had thought.
“It was near to the end of the fortnight when the biggest thing happened though. That was when I realised that I wasn't playing the male role just to make you feel like a girl any more. I liked the male role, I felt stronger and more secure pretending to be a man than I ever had as a girl. If I was a man I would never had to worry about people like my uncle any more, I would be the one in control, I would be the man. But I knew that if I was to become a man then you really would have to become a girl. I suppose that's when I lost control, I mean I hadn't thought about giving you breasts before that point, I knew it was possible but I didn't think we needed it. It was then that I decided to stop shaving my legs and armpits and all those girl things, and I found a use for all your old testosterone tablets that I had been hoarding for the past few months.
“After that,” Alex stopped and stared at me for a moment before coming over and sitting on the arm of my chair. She took one of my hands between both of hers and looked me in the eyes, “I'm so sorry Sam, but after that I was just stupid. It was though I walked around constantly chanting some kind of 'I am a man' mantra in my head and the more testosterone I took the worse it got. There was one advantage I suppose, I no longer felt threatened when you dressed in your work suit. Anyway, it gets worse, the manlier I became the more feminine I wanted you to look, I didn't want you as a person to change, but I guess my tastes became more masculine and so the image of what I wanted to see in my girl became a more masculine inflamed image too. It was all accelerating out of control and then I fell off the tracks completely. I remember the day well. I was in the gym on the treadmill and my damned boobs were bouncing about, as they did. By that point I hated my breasts with a passion but that was the day when the idea formed in my head. Actually it was out loud, very vocal in fact. I got so angry that particular day that I shouted into the, luckily empty, gym 'For Gods sakes, I hate these fucking tits, I shouldn't even have tits, Sam's the one that needs tits.”
It was weird listening to Alex talk like that, it just didn't sound like her, what I heard next confirmed it.
“I didn't realise it at the time,” she continued, “in fact it was only after I spoke to Maggie that I found out. You see I went to see her to tell her what I was thinking but as soon as I mentioned that I had been taking your old testosterone tablets she went ballistic. She got really mad, and really upset to. Anyway she did some tests and discovered that my testosterone levels were way too high and it was making me act irrationally, she reckons I was lucky that I hadn't become violent with anyone. Luckily she sorted me out, got my levels sorted and prescribed the right pills for me. It was funny, me shaving in the morning and hiding from you so that you didn't realise what was happening. I'd never actually thought how I was going to tell you, I guess I really was out of control.
“It wasn't until a few weeks later that I talked to Maggie about a breast reduction, and even then I never mentioned getting you implants. I thought about it a lot though, even when my hormone levels were at a more natural, male, level I imagined what it would be like for you to have breasts. Do you know I looked at pictures of women and none of them did a thing for me? You were the only person that turned me on, with or without breasts, but I thought that you would be extra special with them. It was only when we were sat down talking to the surgeon and suddenly had the idea of literally giving you my breasts that the idea came out in the open. Probably because I thought out loud instead of in my head. Still, out it came, Maggie thought I should talk to you but the surgeon really didn't care. I think she saw it as an opportunity to try something new and was only worried about you signing a consent form.”
“But I never did, I don't know where that form came from but I didn't sign it”
“Yes you did,” came back Alex, “I had a word with Gary, I might have embellished a bit and told him it was something that you really wanted, you were just too scared to do anything about it.”
“I could've lost my job,” I moaned
“I know, but I had to do something and I figured that if you were going to lose your job it would be better before we did anything. But you undervalue yourself my dear, you see Gary was very supportive. Once he got over the shock that is. Actually it was quite funny really, once he knew he says it made other things make sense. One time when he saw us in town he reckons you were wearing exactly the same outfit that Mary had worn when she visited a few weeks earlier. He said he couldn't bring himself to believe it and that it must have been just a similar male outfit, now he knows the truth. Anyway he said that it doesn't bother him what you wear, or what you look like as long as you carry on doing your job properly and stay professional. He told the rest of the staff the day we had the operation, he said that if any of them had a problem they should leave under their own steam before you get back because he will fire them if they give you any trouble at all, and as you know they were all still there when you went back for a few weeks.”
“and the form?” I asked
“It was buried in a pile of paperwork that Gary gave you to sign, he reckons that you never read beyond the top four sheets so you'd never notice. He was right too.” Alex grinned, a weak sort of grin that suggested something could be amusing but most certainly wouldn't be if I objected. I didn't, I was suddenly exhausted. Gary had played a part in getting me breasts, Maggie had lied to me in order to get me to the hospital, the surgeon must have known that I wasn't an exactly willing participant in the whole thing, and the nurses, and none of them did a thing to stop it or even think to talk to me and find out how I felt.
“I'll say one thing though,” carried on Alex, “I was right, now that they've healed properly you look incredible. You are as close to perfection as it is possible to be.”
“I doubt that very much,” I replied, it's amazing what a complement from somebody you love can achieve. I actually felt a bit better, and I might even have blushed, “but thank you. The question is what happens now? Where do we go from here?”
Alex's face dropped again, “I suppose that has to be up to you,” she said, “to be totally honest, after the operation, I kind of came to my senses again. I've spent the last three weeks worried sick that you're going to leave me, and I couldn't blame you if you did. I tried to think of reasons to excuse what I have done, but there are none. I went too far, I started off trying to do something to save our marriage but along the way I lost sight of what was really important and I will have to live with the consequences. I am sorry, really sorry.”
She looked so sad, and sincere and my heart melted. “I'm not going to leave you you fool,” I smiled. “Why do you think I put that first pair of pyjamas on? Because I love you. Why did I go through months of electrolysis to get rid of, virtually, all my body hair? Because I love you. I love you with all my heart, and I always will. You have overstepped the line at times, but I am hoping that you will learn from it and go back to being the sweet Alex I married, albeit a more masculine version. There are things in our relationship, and in my life in general, that are better as a girl than they ever were as a man. To be honest I don't understand how you can want to have a hairy body and wear heavy man clothes. Soft fabrics on hairless skin is so much nicer I feel sorry for anyone that hasn't tried it.” I paused, “and yes, I prefer the sex now too, although I do miss the bump and grind of proper intercourse. Especially, feeling you between my legs, I think my ego handled it really well, I think my ego loved taking the female role.
“I don't really mind the skirts either, what am I saying? I love wearing skirts, especially on a summers day, sometimes I notice men looking at me, at my legs, and I like it. But then it feels wrong, you know? I shouldn't want men looking at me.” Another pause, “I would prefer to wear trousers more in the winter though, when it snows, I don't care if they're bright pink with flowers on even, it's the warmth I want.” It would be fair to say that Alex was staring at me in amazement by this point. I guess it wasn't what she expected to be hearing. “To be blunt Alex. I don't mind being a girl, most of the time. Right now I am not completely happy having breasts, although, after yesterday, I have a feeling I might have completely changed my mind by the end of the week. Those horrid surgical bras’ did not help one iota, I think a few days in some nice comfy, pretty bra's will definitely help. See girl thoughts,” a suddenly horrifying thought hit me, “I've been in such a bad mood with you recently I haven't been out to buy bra's.” Alex laughed.
“I got you some, and we can go shopping and buy you whatever you want tomorrow. Or maybe the next day. You don't need to panic.”
I did feel rather foolish, and confused by my sudden, very girly, reaction but tried to hide it as I ploughed on. “I promise that I will never leave you. I love you far too much for that and that love has adapted and grown stronger despite everything. But you have to promise that you will be honest about things with me from now on. Tell me what's going on in your head, things will almost certainly still change for us both and I need you to tell me when it does.”
“I don't want to be a really girly girl. There are some manly-ish things that I still want to do. Like football, I want to watch football again, I miss watching football. Hey now you're a man maybe you could come with me, I'd like that.”
Alex laughed again, “I want you to be whatever type of girl you want to be, unless my brain starts seeing you as a man again I'm happy, and I promise to at least try and watch football with you.” She stood up and offered her hand to help me up also, “and I will do my best to make you wonder how you ever coped without breasts.” With that she took me in her arms and kissed me, and everything was just right again.
The first time that we visited the cottage we virtually never left the grounds, this time we went out at least every other day. Visiting nearby towns to shop, having Alex as a partner was fantastic as she still had a girl’s love of shopping despite her masculine appearance. Now that I had fully accepted that I liked wearing skirts, although not necessarily some of the ones that Alex had bought for me recently I set about redesigning my wardrobe to suit my personal tastes. One of the highlights of the holiday was when the postman delivered a lady’s, fitted Everton football shirt. Alex had ordered it on line the day that we arrived at the cottage, just after our little discussion. She ordered herself the man's one at the same time and we had a lovely afternoon walking around the shops in our matching tops. Me pairing mine with a denim mini skirt and black sandals with a half inch heel, Alex wore blue jeans and black trainers.
Of course we did spend a good amount of time on the beach. Although it made me at little bit uncomfortable I took the plunge and bought myself a couple of bikinis as well as a couple of, much safer, swimsuits. I needn't have bothered with the swimsuits, by the end of the first week I loved my bikinis, not to mention the attention I got off Alex when I wore them. By the time we left the cottage at the end of the second week I had a lovely tan and had even gone topless a few times, despite Edith's warning. Didn't get a huge amount of sunbathing done then though, but the foreplay and subsequent sex was phenomenal. It's a good job that Alex had brought a good supply of Viagra, the hormones had completely ruined my own ability to get an erection but the little blue pills certainly made up for it.
There was one wonderful evening when we went out for dinner and movies, it was kind of like when we were dating, with a few major differences obviously. I wore a red, 1950's style knee length skirt with a white, capped sleeve blouse and a really hot pair of 2-inch-high white heels. Alex wore black jeans, white collarless shirt and a black waistcoat, she looked very smart. Dinner was amazing, we went to a little Italian place where they made their own pasta and really authentic pizzas. I got so much attention from the waiter it was unreal, he was constantly walking past the table checking that everything was okay, quite obviously flirting with me, he even gave us a free dessert. Alex was very good about it, she just sat there smiling the whole time as though it was some sort of big joke. She even suggested that I give him a kiss when we left as a way of saying thank you but that was a bit much for me. The thought of kissing a guy, I'm just not that way inclined. After dinner we went to a small independent cinema, it was an adults only cinema but didn't play porno movies. The owners of the cinema wanted to create an environment where people could enjoy the film without any of the normal distractions so they fitted out the whole cinema with two seater sofas, proper little coffee tables and they banned everyone under the age of 18. We managed to get a sofa at the back of the room and started to watch Pitch Perfect, I really loved the film. Alex really loved putting her hand up my skirt and unbuttoning my blouse, I might as well have just been wearing my underwear for the amount of coverage my other clothes gave me. It's a good job that the place was virtually empty because, by the halfway point in the film, I was sat on Alex's lap, a Viagra coursing through my system. My legs straddled hers my drug enhanced penis in her vagina with me bouncing up and down again. This time however, Alex's hands never left my breasts until we both came in an earth shattering but very quiet orgasm.
During the second week of the holiday I realised that I was starting to have trouble referring to Alex as a she. Not always, in fact at this point it was probably more common to refer to him as a her, but sometimes Alex became a he, a him a man. I knew that this was a significant shift in my psyche, and it bothered me. In fact, every change in my psyche bothered me at the moment, but this was a big one. If I began to see Alex as a man where did it leave me? I still felt that, deep inside I was male, maybe only just but still male. But if Alex is also male does that make me gay? What about other guys, at the restaurant I hadn't wanted to kiss the waiter because he was a guy and so was I. Of course he didn't see me as a guy. He saw me as a girl, I guess Alex sees me as a girl too, maybe I should refer to myself as a girl and then all the problems would go away. Only I'm still not ready for that just yet, so for now I will just have to make a conscious effort to see Alex as the girl then I can still be the man.
There's a saying, clothes maketh the man. In my case it's very true, although maybe it should be clothes maketh the woman. I have to confess that I didn't really notice anything until it was pointed out to me by Gary.
I'd been back at work for about a month after our latest trip to the cottage when Gary suggested we go out for lunch. This wasn't anything new, we'd had lunch many times since I joined the company to discuss strategies, clients sometimes even football. But this was the first time since my breast implants and it felt a little bit strange.
We went to a pub come cafe that we were well known at, which didn't help my nerves any, but Gary was insistent saying that we had to give them a chance to accept the new me. If they were awkward he promised that we would never go back, and it was a nice place to eat. As we walked through the door Karen, the owner of the bar, welcomed Gary warmly and then caught sight of me. You could see a degree of recognition in her eyes but also a bit of confusion. I was about to say something when the penny dropped.
“Sam,” she gasped, “is that you?” Not giving me a chance to respond she carried on. “Wow look at you. When did this happen? It really suits you, you look great. Wow, I don't know what to say.”
I had to laugh at that, “Why don't you join us for a quick drink whilst we wait for lunch, we can have our meeting after we eat, can't we Gary?” He nodded his agreement.
Karen called for a bottle of sparkling Shiraz and three glasses, apparently this called for a celebration, and we sat at the big wooden table in front of the huge stone fireplace.
“So tell me all,” demanded Karen as soon as she poured us all a glass of wine.
“What do you want to know?” I asked. Karen's first reaction was to roll her eyes in Gary's direction as though to ask if I was always this dizzy.
“How about, when did all of this happen?” she asked with a huge dose of sarcasm in her voice.
“Oh, well I had my implants done about 5 months ago,” I answered, “I've been on hormones for nearly two years I suppose.”
“Apart from being mad that it's taken you this long to come in and show me, how did you keep it hidden from everyone for so long?”
“She did do a good job of that,” added Gary, “I work with her nearly every day and even I wasn't sure until Alex came in to talk to me.”
“To be honest I was a bit embarrassed about it,” I said, “I wasn't sure how people would react. That's why I haven't been in here, or anywhere else, since the operation too. I was worried and it was easier to go to places were nobody knows me, or stay away completely.”
“Daft bat,” said Karen smiling, “you will always be welcome in here, I consider you a friend and it shouldn't matter what friends look like, or what clothes they wear. A friend is a friend and that's it.”
“Hear hear,” said Gary. At that moment Peggy, one of Karen's waitresses came over to take our order for lunch and of course she wanted to be filled in as well. Whilst we waited for our food we chatted a bit more with Karen, and pretty much everyone else who found an excuse to come over and say hello. I know this sounds all lovey dovey and I admit that it wasn't perfect, there was a few people who walked out when they realised what I was, a couple even made derogatory comments as they walked past but so many people were accepting of me I didn't care about the few.
Once our food came, a paprika chicken salad for me and a steak sandwich with chips for Gary, Karen left us alone to discuss business. Not that I had any idea what the business was. We ate in silence to begin with enjoying the wonderfully prepared food. Eventually Gary spoke.
“How are you settling back in?” he asked, “Any problems with anyone?”
“No,” I answered instantly worried. “Why? Has somebody said something?”
“Actually yes,” he replied, quickly carrying on when he saw my face drop. “But not in the way that you're thinking. Actually a lot of people have said how much easier it is talking to you now. Barbara reckons that you are even better at talking to new clients than you used to be. Did you know that your conversion rate has gone up from 65% to 73%? That sort of figure is almost unheard of in this game.”
“To be honest,” I replied, “I hadn't realised. I thought I was just being me.”
“You are, and that's the difference.” Gary laughed, “You're being the new, female you. You have so much more confidence and personality now it's really shining through. Take a look at what just happened in here. People were coming over to talk to you that you have never met, a few of them were rather rude and one of them was lucky I didn't smack him one for what he said to you. Pre-op Sam would have been a nervous wreck after that but you loved it. You are basically all the good bits of the old Sam, all of his integrity, honesty, work ethic all of that but without his nervousness and discomfort and shyness and stuff.
“I don't profess to understand why you've gone down this route but I do know that it has made you a better person than you were before, and that's saying something. I don't know if I could have done it, I mean you've risked everything really and...” he paused looking really awkward. “I guess what I'm trying to say, although not very well, is that I really admire you for what you've done and I'm really proud to have you as a friend and colleague.”
I swear that if there was a solar eclipse at that precise moment nobody in the bar would have noticed I was blushing so much.
Everything that Gary had said was backed up later in the week when Sam and I went to the launch party of some book that was apparently going to be a huge hit. It was literally the first time that I had been to one of these parties, my lack of social ability being detrimental to Alex's success. Not that she ever said that, or even hinted at it. In fact, she constantly tried to get me to change my mind and go with her. But I know what I'm like and always refused. At least I knew what I was like, it would appear as though I've changed now. So this time when the driver appeared to collect Alex I was all dressed up to go with her in a long black sheath dress with lots of sparkly sequins. Alex looked really smart in a simple black tuxedo and white shirt. Instead of a bow tie she had some sort of black gemstone in a gold setting at her throat. I felt quite proud as we walked into the party.
One of the problems I'd had in the past was that I never had a lot to say, and what I did say sounded pretty lame. Not that night though, it was easy. As I walked around the room I found myself chatting to lots of different people and if I couldn't think of something to say I could always comment on their outfit, nicely of course. Considering that I only knew Alex and her boss Adam at the party, and they were both busy networking, I must have spoken to at least twenty different people over the evening. Including one geeky looking guy who was stood in the corner of the room on his own.
At the end of the night Adam brought his wife over and introduced me. From the few times that I had met him I had come to the conclusion that Adam was gay and had actually spent part of the evening wondering if any of the guys I met were his partner. Shows just how wrong you can be about people. Adam told Alex off for keeping me hidden all this time and how they should have a gathering at our house so that I can charm all of the guests.
Sometimes it can be hard not to get big headed.
Happy Birthday Sam
It was my birthday. Since I met Alex birthdays have taken on a new meaning. They used to be pretty dull affairs, nobody was ever really interested. Alex changed all that, she went really out of her way to make me feel special, and last year was no exception. She woke me up with breakfast in bed, fresh croissants and coffee, and a few small gifts. Because I was working, even on my birthday, we had agreed that all celebrating would take place in the evening. But Alex said it wouldn't be right to start my birthday with no presents so I got presents. They were only small things, a little pot of hand cream, a keyring with a love heart on it and a pair of hold up stockings. I knew that later, when I arrived home there would be some expensive gifts, usually more than we can afford, a giant chocolate cake, homemade of course, and dinner. Steak, chips and onion rings, as close to perfection as it is possible to get.
Work started well too, Ellie and Barbara gave me cards and gifts, a scarf and a scented candle, the rest of the girls in the office had clubbed together and bought me an all-expenses paid spa day. Gary was late, I got the impression that Barbara knew why but she wasn't saying anything. I checked my to do list which was, thankfully light, then my messages, which were not. Practically every client on our books had sent me a birthday message, old Sam had never had that.
Eventually Gary arrived clutching a large bouquet of flowers, something that looked like a wrapped up Toblerone, a thick envelope and a large bottle shaped gift. He walked over to my desk and I rose to greet him. Ellie, Barbara and the girls all fell silent.
“Sam,” began Gary, “since you became yourself you have made this company grow at an amazing rate. So much so that we are struggling to keep up, because of this I have decided to take on two more account managers and Barbara has finally succumbed to pressure and will take over as Sales Manager, which leaves you.” Everyone around me seemed to hold their breath. “Somebody like you is going to be a target for every flash company that comes along and I don't want you going anywhere so the first part of your birthday present is a 25% share in the business.” He handed me the envelope which did indeed contain share certificates for 25% of the company. “Along with this goes the position of,” the Toblerone shaped gift was handed over. I tore of the paper and revealed a wooden desk plaque 'Sam Whitman Sales Director'.
“So, if you don't mind opening the final present,” he handed me the bottle shaped present, “I think we should all raise a toast to our new sales director,” the bottle was unsurprisingly a magnum of champagne and a well briefed Barbara appeared with glasses for everyone, “Ms Sam Brightman.” Gary finished his toast as glasses were filled and the room was filled with people answering. I looked at Gary and the flowers he was still holding, he noticed and looked down.
“Oh, yeah,” he stammered, “these are for you too.”
After we had all finished our drinks Gary insisted taking me out to lunch “so we can discuss your new salary”. As we had a few weeks earlier we went to the Old Cross. For somebody used to quiet birthdays this one was already way above anything I had experienced since childhood. You can imagine how I felt when I walked into the Cross to be welcomed by Karen and her staff singing happy birthday around a huge cake with my name on it. Once the song was done Karen came over to inform me that everything we ate and drank that day was on her and that there was a bottle of champagne chilling by the table. When I mentioned getting home Gary informed me that a taxi had already been booked to take me home, dropping him off at work on the way.
Karen left us and after chatting about the previous weekends football results Gary got down to business.
“I don't suppose you looked into the amount of business you've contributed to the company after our chat last time we were here, did you?” he asked.
I shook my head, “No, I could tell you what we've got on the go now, and what's in the pipeline, I can also tell you my top 5 clients by value and my top 5 by frequency of custom, but the overall total didn't bother me until today.”
Gary's eyebrow raised at that last comment and he smiled to himself.
“Well the year before you joined us,” he began, “Barbara and I brought in £600,000 of income to the business. The 12 months before your transition you and Barbara brought in £1.5 million. In the six months since you transitioned you alone have brought in £1.5 million, basically you have doubled our income on your own.”
Even though I knew that I was doing well I didn't realise it was that good. I had always treated each deal as a one off and as soon as it was completed I forgot about it so that I could better focus on the next. Since my transition dealing with new clients had become much easier because they didn't find me as threatening as the old Sam, once I had proven that I knew what I was talking about of course. As a man it was taken as read that I understood everything but as a woman I had to use more technical jargon and answer deeper questions than I ever had before. Not that it was a problem and as soon as they realised I was no fool they opened up their contract books and welcomed me in.
During our discussion we decided to put Barbara in charge of all of our most important clients with a salary equal to the one I had received in the role but with a better bonus, 2.5% instead of 1.5% of the company’s annual profits. I also convinced Gary to give here 2% of the company’s shares.
The rest of the accounts were going to be given to the two new account managers in order to give them a start to their careers. The accounts would be split on a geographical basis those in the North and those in the South. The new recruits would be paid a relatively low basic wage but the commission that they should earn from the existing accounts would take them slightly above the industry average. Any new business that they bring in would push them higher still. Gary wasn't too sure the wage structure but I after I explained that we would attract hungrier salesmen if we go for higher commission earnings he agreed to give it a go.
That just left my package, my new role was going to be much less customer facing on a day to day basis. I would solely target the large nationals and multinational companies that had so far been out of our reach, and only deal with existing clients when problems arose. I told Gary that he needed to work hard on expanding our database of temps, especially where new coding languages were concerned. We decided to offer training courses to teach interested parties some of the newest languages coming out in order to try and get a jump on the competition.
Finally, we made it to my salary, a six figure basic salary and a 5% bonus to be paid just before Christmas based on the profits from the previous 12 months. Add this to my dividend payments at the end of the financial year and I was suddenly going to be very comfortably off.
At two o'clock the taxi arrived to picked us up. I was bubbling over with excitement, not just because of money either. My whole birthday experience, coupled with rather too much alcohol, had made the day so far into one of the best I could remember. So when I saw the limousine parked outside the bar with the chauffeur holding the door open I, without thinking, kissed Gary on the cheek. As soon as I had done it I was worried, Gary knew who I had been and I didn't know how he'd react. I needn't have been, apart from blushing slightly anyone watching would assume that it was a regular occurrence.
As we were driving back to the office to drop Gary off, my phone rang. It was Alex asking when I would be coming home because the SUV had broken down and she was stranded at the butchers in Kelsall, one of the neighbouring villages.
“Actually I've just got to drop Gary off back at work and then he says that I can head straight off.” I said, picking my words carefully so that I could surprise her with the limo. We arranged for her to be on the pavement outside the butchers in fifteen minutes’ time and I hung up.
Fifteen minutes later Gary was safely back at work and the limousine was just turning into Kelsall, only a couple of bends away from the butchers. At the last minute I saw the sunroof above my head and an idea sprung into my head. I quickly opened it up and, standing on the seat I stuck my head through the gap, just like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman. Just as Alex came into view.
Her face was an absolute picture, and so was everyone else's. The whole of Kelsall high street stopped and stared at the mad person sticking out of the top of the limousine. I had a huge grin plastered all over my face.
“Hey Honey,” I shouted, “I love you and would like to whisk you away from here.” If I'd expected the onlookers to burst into applause like they did in the movies, then I was due for a disappointment. Luckily Alex's response was perfect, laughing she clasped her hands to her chest and ran to the car.
“Oh Sam,” she cried in a very exaggerated way, “I love you too. Please take me,” she paused grinning cheekily before adding “away.”
The limo rolled to a stop and the driver jumped out to open the door for Alex with a respectful “Sir”. Alex climbed in and we were soon on our way again.
“What's all this?” she asked, looking around in awe at our luxurious surroundings.
“It's all part of my birthday present,” I replied, “plus I'm way over the drink drive limit.”
“Really, I never would have guessed.”
“I've got so much to tell you; I don't know where to begin.” My words were spilling out and Alex began to laugh at me again.
“Start at the beginning silly, I want to know everything.”
“Oh well I got some presents from the girls at work, including a spa day, they never brought me presents before. Then I got birthday messages from all my clients too, they're all so sweet.” Alex smiled at me encouraging me to continue. “Then Gary got to work and he gave me flowers and we had Champagne and he made me a partner and now I'm the Sales Director. Then we went to lunch.”
“Hold on, hold on,” Alex interrupted, “he made you a partner? That's brilliant, look at us now, both big players in up and coming businesses proper movers and shakers we are. Obviously we are moving in the right direction. Now what happened at lunch?”
“We went to Karen's and when we arrived there was this huge cake and they all sang happy birthday and we had loads of wine and I had a salad because of the steak, and we sorted out my salary and then we went outside and I thought we were getting a taxi but it was this limo and... what?” Alex was laughing at me and had to take several deep breaths before she could speak.
“I was just wondering when you were going to stop for a breath,” she said still trying to get her laughter under total control. “I'm starting to worry that tonight won't match up to the rest of the day now. But more importantly, did you get me a piece of cake?”
“Of course I did, and of course it will. I had a tiny little lunch to leave room for my steak tonight so it had better.” I could see the driver glancing in the rear view mirror at us and chuckling quietly to himself, I found myself smiling at him. Once upon a time I would have been embarrassed to think that someone was watching me, now it made me feel good. It was a nice feeling.
The evening was certainly as good as the daytime. Alex gave me a whole pile of presents, there was DVD's, CD's books, clothes and smellies. There was also a pile of cards that had been delivered by post, including one from Edith, and presents from Maggie and Adam.
Dinner was superb, steak cooked just long enough to brown the outside, topped with a lump of garlic butter. Onion rings crisped to a golden finish, French fries and sweet green garden peas. Not forgetting a huge dollop of Dijon mustard. After the main course we indulged ourselves with slices of strawberry cheesecake smothered with fresh cream and finished off with coffee and Brandy. We also managed to polish off two bottles of wine during the meal, although I don't recall Alex drinking all that much. I had a definite fuzz about my head.
To allow our food to settle we snuggled up on the sofa after dinner, with a fresh bottle of wine, to watch one of my new DVD's, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. There was a little kissing and canoodling, but mainly we just enjoyed the film and being near to each other. Alex disappeared for a while towards the end of the film and when she came back she sat at the other end of the sofa, gently rubbing my feet and threatening to send me to sleep. Actually threatening might not be quite right, I don't really remember the end of the film one minute Sam Riley was kissing Lily James, the next Alex was stood over me smiling.
“Come on sleepyhead.” she said holding out a hand to help me up. As I accepted I was surprised at the strength in my wife's arm, once upon a time she wouldn't have been able to pull me up, now she lifted me as though I weighed little more than a small child. For me the change had been the other way around and I would sometimes put myself in trouble trying to lift something that had, in another lifetime, posed no problem at all.
Once on my feet Alex kept hold of my hand and guided me carefully to the bedroom. Holding me by the shoulders she very tenderly kissed me on the lips. I don't know if it was sleepiness or the effects of alcohol but I just wanted to slump into her arms.
“Hang on silly,” she whispered, a smile in her voice. Trying to keep hold of me she moved around to the back and unzipped my dress, letting it fall in a puddle of fabric on the carpeted floor. I was left stood wearing nothing but thong, bra and, of course my new stockings. I turned slightly so that I could see myself in the mirror, admiring the way I looked. Gone were the days that I avoided mirrors at all costs, now I quite liked looking at my curves although I sometimes wished that my face wasn't quite so chiselled.
As I looked I saw Alex's arms, still sleeved, snake around my waist, pulling me back into her body. My heart raced and a memory of an imagined picture popped, unbidden, into my head. The picture was from our first trip to the cottage, in the clearing in the woods. Alex and I kneeling together on the forest floor, Alex in the rear her hands cupping my breasts, both of us with our backs arched in the pleasure of a mutual orgasm and just the slightest slight of her penis disappearing between my legs. You see, as Alex pulled me tight I could feel something hard pressing into my behind. I reached around manoeuvring myself so that my hand could reach the intruder. As I grasped it Alex whispered into my ear.
“Happy Birthday Baby,” she said as her hands climbed up my body to tease my breasts and her mouth lowered to nibble at my neck. It really didn't take long for my stomach to turn to water, my muscles to start tingling and my knees to turn to jelly. As I started to sink to the floor Alex scooped me up and lay me gently on the bed, my head propped up on pillows so I could see what was happening. At the foot of the bed Alex slowly unbuttoned her shirt, slipping it off her muscular arms, revealing a six pack and a very well contoured chest. Her hand slipped to her waist, un-clipping her belt and popping the buttons on her fly one by one. Very slowly, almost teasingly she started to push the trousers down past her hips uncovering a pair of black, tight fitting, jockey shorts and a rather large bulge.
Stepping out of the trousers Alex moved to the side of the bed. Taking my hand, she placed it on the bulge in her shorts, it's shape was unmistakable. Her thumbs dug into the hem of her shorts and they too began the trip down to the floor. Underneath she was wearing a pair of flesh coloured PVC pants with a very realistic dildo, complete with balls, standing to attention on the front. I couldn't help but stare at the monster before me. Part of me was actually a little bit afraid, but then again, when we had played with dildo's in the past I had had some amazing orgasms. But this would be different, this wouldn't be having a vibrator inside of me, this would be having sex, proper as a woman sex. Well as close as I could physically get. My mind tried to rebel, to tell me how wrong it was. It tried to make me think like a man, a real man wouldn't let anyone fuck him in the arse, a proper man does the giving never the receiving. But my body disagreed, my nipples hardened in anticipation of what was to come and as I watched Alex cover the dildo in minty smelling lube the ache that I remembered from that day in the forest returned.
Alex climbed onto the bed, filling the gap that had been created by my legs opening. Leaning forward she removed a pillow from under my head and repositioned it under my bum. Another lean forward, this time to play with my nipples, using fingers and tongue to twist and pull, suckle and flick. Teasingly, tormenting she toyed with me. Slowly turning up the heat. My back arched up off the bed as a burst of ecstasy jumped from my chest to my brain and a tortured groan escaped my lips.
“Good girl,” whispered Alex, “Are you ready to feel me inside of you?”
As she spoke she moved away from breasts and down my body until her fingers found my bum, and more importantly my anus. Without my noticing she’d somehow put lube on her fingers and I really did squeal as the cold first touched my ring. Using her fingers, she worked the lube in, playing, stretching me teasing my prostate until I finally conceded and agreed that I wanted to feel her inside me. Smiling in victory she moved herself into position and aimed her phallus at my entrance, the tip just tickling my bud.
“Are you sure?” She asked, keeping up the merest contact and leaning forward to caress my nipples that were already crying out for contact.
“Yes,” I moaned.
“You really want to take it as a girl?”
“Yes,” this time I almost shouted my answer.
“You're willing to be my girl not my man?”
“Yes,” I really did shout, “please just do it.”
As I shouted my final yes Alex thrust forward smoothly sliding in to my enlarged hole, penetrating me, going deeper and deeper until the ball sack slapped my butt. I nearly orgasmed there and then, a mixture of desire and shame combining to push me right to the edge. Alex began to withdraw, pulling back slowly, every inch making me cry out for her to stop, to come back in and at the very last second she did, ramming herself causing me to gasp in satisfaction once more. Again she withdrew and then thrust back in, emptying me and then filling me up again in one fluid motion. Every time she withdrew it did make me feel a little bit like a hole that needed filling, it wasn't a bad thing because every forward thrust was a little bit more fulfilling than the last, and each brought an orgasm a little bit closer. At one point Alex withdrew to the point that only the smallest part of the head remained inside, and then she held it there. It may have been like that for a few seconds but it felt like an eternity, and it induced a low, keening, 'No' from my lips. Slowly she began to push back in and I braced myself, but the expected penetration never came, instead she stopped less than an inch in and withdrew once more. Somehow this felt worse than before, and I moaned with a little bit of need. Again she moved, and again she retreated. Deliberately withholding the much vaunted relief, with every false start the ache in my groin and stomach grew. It was a feeling that I had never felt before that day, it wasn't pain exactly more like an itch, an irritation that needed scratching and Alex was the only one who could do it. Another false start, but this time she didn't withdraw and stop, she started gently rocking back and forth penetrating only slightly but even this small movement added fuel to my desire, and with a growing desire becomes a growing need until the need becomes desperation and the desperation becomes...
“Will you please just fuck me,” I cried, “please fuck me properly.”
She rammed forward and relief flowed through my body, exciting every nerve in my body, and again, causing muscles to tense. Suddenly every thrust felt so good, much better than they had at the start, a grunt left my mouth. Then another, and another, and soon every thrust was greeted with a grunt. Each grunt louder and higher as muscles tensed and tingled, breathing became ragged every sense centred on just one part of my body. Still she rammed forward, her face a mask of concentration, her own breath as ragged as mine as she too approached an orgasm.
“Come on,” she muttered, “I can't hold on much longer”. As she spoke an orgasm exploded in my stomach spreading out warming my body, sending stars to flash behind my eyes. As Alex saw me go she let herself also slip over the edge and into her own orgasm. Desperate not to lose my new found friend I felt my muscles clench around the phallus and hold it in place. Soon though I felt it start to slide out as Alex rolled over to lie next to me.
“Happy birthday Sam,” she whispered and then closed her eyes and swiftly fell asleep. I did not. I lay there thinking, as I often did when we took another step down the line of role reversal. Alex had now made love to me as a man does to a woman, she may have been wearing a false phallus and it may have been anal and not vaginal but what difference did it really make. She had fucked me and I had wanted it, no, I had begged for it. Was I really fooling myself by trying to cling to onto my manhood?
It has always surprised me as to what the human mind is capable of. After the things that Sam had been through nobody would have blamed him for running or hiding. Anything to escape from reality. But he didn't. Every time something bad happened, like the incident with in the night club, Sam would come out stronger. He would embrace his new situation and make the most of it.
By this point in our relationship I have no doubt of the love that Sam has for Alex. I am also convinced that this love is fully reciprocated. My only concerns are that the two of them have a different idea not of where things are going, just when they are going to get there
My Little Car
Thanks to the promotions that Sam and I had earned we were now very well off. In fact, in the twelve months since getting promoted we had saved up enough money to buy me a more suitable car on three different occasions.
The first time I decided that the car could wait because I had a more pressing need. It might sound a little strange because nobody had ever clocked me as being a man in a dress but I lived in the constant fear that they would. I decided that instead of buying a new car, I wanted a new face.
I didn't want to get a totally new face I just wanted my face to be a bit more feminine looking. The first thing I had done was a brow and orbital reduction so that my forehead and eyes looked less masculine. I also had nose surgery and cheekbone implants. Finally, I had my chin reduced, getting rid of my firm jutting jaw, and a fat transfer to fill my lips out a bit. None of the work was extreme, I didn't want to be unrecognisable and I certainly didn't want to look slutty or sultry or anything like that. I know that I'd made the right call when, a few weeks after surgery, I looked in the mirror and could have been my own twin sister.
Alex loved the new look even more than I did, she couldn't stop staring at me and grinning
“Oh Sam,” she smiled, “when are you going to stop making me fall further in love with you. Every time I think you've reached perfection you do something like this and get better.”
It was shortly after this that I started getting wolf whistles from building sites. I should have been embarrassed, disgusted or even revolted but I wasn't. Instead I was pleased and I unconsciously put an extra bit of wiggle into my step.
The second time we managed to save enough money for a new car I felt obliged to let Alex get some surgery done for herself. Naturally her procedures where pretty much the opposite of mine, increasing the brow and chin whilst reducing the cheekbones. I have to admit that I wasn't as thrilled about Alex's transformation as she was about mine but she, I really need to stop referring to Alex as a she, but she did look good. My Alex was a traditionally handsome man.
By the time we had the money again I had simply changed my mind about the whole car thing. Over the months I had grown quite fond of the little car, in fact it seemed to be a vehicular extension of me. Thanks to the pale pink roof and trim, it was a very feminine looking car but underneath the DS3 has a bit of a masculine side, just like me.
“Sam,” began Alex, “I want us to get remarried.”
“But we are married,” was my slightly confused response.
“Well yes, but it's all wrong”
“Are you trying to confuse me?” I joked. “How can our marriage be wrong?”
“When we got married I agreed to take you to be my husband to love honour and obey and all that. You took me to be your wife, remember? Well I think things have changed a bit since then and I would really like you to be my wife.”
I paused to think before responding. Being honest with myself I was now very comfortable in my female role. Nobody really thought of me as a man any more, no one except me that is and that was largely down to the redundant piece of flesh between my legs.
“I don't really think that I'm physically equipped to be a wife,” I stuttered.
“Funnily enough that's the other thing I want to talk to you about.” Alex stunned me into silence, “I've been talking to Edith and with the bonus I got from securing the Bannista deal, plus the money we saved for a new car, I can afford for us both to have gender realignment surgery. Just think about it,” she started getting excited, “we could get married during the day and then when we consummate the new marriage we could both lose our new virginity together. It would be so special.” After waiting for an answer for a moment or two, not to mention seeing the shock on my face she added, “I know it's a lot to take in but please think about it. I promise I'll go along with whatever you decide.”
I nodded dumbly and was rewarded with a big hug, a wide smile and a joyous “thank you”.
This was a big decision for me. I know that I have just said that I was relatively comfortable in my role but this operation would sever the last visible reminder of who I really was. The question I needed to answer was whether or not it really mattered. As a useful thing it wasn't really, it only worked sexually with the help of drugs and even then it didn't achieve very much. In fact, I had, quite literally, dreamt of making love with Alex as a woman. The thought of being properly penetrated by the girl I love, although I suppose I would have to say man I love if we do do this, was very exciting. The conclusion here is that I would be better of agreeing to Alex's proposal.
It wasn't much use for toilet duty either, I always sat to wee and couldn't imagine doing it any other way. I also had to hold the penis down to wee, if it was gone then that job would actually be easier.
But psychologically it was a totally different matter. All along I had sworn to myself that I would only pretend to be a girl and would stay as a man on the inside. What would happen if my last vestige of manhood was taken away? Could I continue being a man? Did I want too?
I guess at the end of the day that's why I came to see you?
By Dr Sylvia Marchland
It had been almost a year since my last session with Sam when I heard a knock on my office door. My last patient had left less than five minutes earlier and I was expecting my receptionist Ally to be stood there with our 'end of the week' glass of wine. Instead I opened the door on a beautiful young woman positively glowing with happiness.
“Sam,” I smiled with real pleasure, “look at you. You look amazing.”
“Hi Doc, I was in the neighbourhood.” she smiled back, just as Ally appeared with three glasses of wine.
Over drinks Sam told us all about her final operations, her recovery and, of course her wedding day. She gushed about the dress, had a tear in her eye telling us about her Dad walking her down the aisle and couldn't tell us enough about the reception. But when I asked her about her wedding night all she said was....
“Do you remember when, before the operation I said that the sex was really good. I was wrong, that sex was only pretty good.”
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