The Sad Case of the Sad Capers of a Sad Sack

After another boring day, at his boring job, Carl Anderson came home and could not wait to get to its laptop. Using any pronoun which indicated gender for Carl would not be fair of the people of those gender or gender fluid people. This was for Carl was not strong enough to be seen as anything other than normal so the person acted like its belief of what a stereotypical male should. People need to show at least part of their real self to have the privilege to have others to use gender indicative words to describe them. The scared person would not let any part of what was not normal for a male to shine through so Carl did not deserve to have a gender.

Even when Carl tried to express his true self behind the safety of a glowing screen this person would not let anyone in. People who interacted with Carl could only define it as good as a secondary character in a pulp fiction novel. Carl was not being the person it could be, Carl was only a role to everyone.

Being online was the highlight of its sad life. Carl was a middle aged divorcee who had no real connection to anyone. Carl’s kids, Carl Jr and Jane, loved their father for how well they were raised by it. Still they never felt like they knew anything substantial about dad. They felt Carl was as interesting and strong as cardboard. The reason they felt their father was weak was for Carl was passive in real life and never had any real personal interaction. Carl allowed their friends to call it Carl even after they were corrected and told to use Mr Anderson.

Carl, did what a person who was running from who they really were did best and lied to itself. Carl told itself it was a hip parent, one which was a friend to its children’s friends. That lie was how the lonely person justified not having the right boundaries with the younger generation. Carl would never admit to the truth of any acceptance felt good. If Carl only knew the way to get acceptance was by first accepting yourself it would had been an even better parent to Carl Jr and Jane.

Carl was not male enough to keep its wife, yet also not female enough to act upon the desire which made Jenny leave; wanting to dress like a woman. Jenny never found out about Carl’s want to wear panties, her husband was too scared to admit it to anyone. The space Carl made between them by holding back on expressing that part of him in real life was what drove her away. The irony was Carl keeping his space from others was what first drew Jenny to him.

The lady who wasted 15 good years of her life married to Carl found her future husband funny and intriguing when they first met. She also was good at reading people and knew the jester personality was only a wall to keep people from seeing the true Carl. Jenny was always curious about people who hid behind masks, it was for she needed to know the truth. So the amatuer detective did what any inquisitive person would do when they saw a mystery, she investigated it.

Jenny had a great time in getting to know who she thought Carl was. For underneath the jokester Jenny found what she thought was a brooding man. The naive lady found men who were lost in their thoughts insightful, sympathetic, philosophical and possessed depth and substance. Oh how she wanted a man who had depth and substance.

Oh how she was wrong about Carl. Jenny read too much into Carl being sad and distant. Carl’s distance was not from being in deep thought but from it being scared to let anyone in. By the time she figured out the truth about Carl they were married and she was pregnant with their second child. Then she made the mistake of thinking it would be best for her children to stay together. It was not. Children do not need their parents to stay together to be raised well. It only harm the child’s knowledge of what love was to see their parents in a loveless marriage.

Then one day she had enough of being married to the dull sadsack. Leaving him was one of the most effortless decision she made. The ease came from she was never emotionally attached to Carl. Jenny was attached to who she thought Carl was, a shadow of a real person.

It was a sad day for Jenny when she figured out she was never in love with the person she married, but what she projected onto the blank canvas which was Carl’s personality. Seeing the truth changed the past for the woman who never had true love.

The true love those two shared was fraudulent from both of the actors in the bad romance which was the play they performed in called life. Jenny knew this placed the blame where it should be, on no one. On the other hand Carl’s weak ego had to take the entire blame. It wasn’t for Jenny’s ex husband had low self esteem, it was for Carl was full of itself.

The weak willed person who could not be who it was thought it was the cause of not only everything in their life but also most of the events in other people’s life which it was somewhat involved in. If Carl saw someone it knew at the local social club it had to be for they knew Carl was going to be there. Nevermind that person went to the social club each Saturday for the past 30 years and only knew Carl the last 10.

Carl neediness to make a connection was what drove people away and made him find refuge on the electronic superhighway to human connection. People at work could not stand being around Carl for more than a short period of time for it forced itself on them. Carl was a blowhard know it all. The obnoxious co-worker’s jokes were childish and mostly inappropriate for the connection it had with the co-workers. Its jokes would too often be used to put others down while it never would joke that way about itself. In fact Carl would get mad if it thought a joke was its expense. Even when the joke was not about Carl, to the thin skinned person the joke had to be for the world revolved around it.

This overprotectiveness and oversized sense of ego lead to Carl having a double standard of treating others worse than it expected to be treated. Carl held others to a higher standard than it held itself. Carl expected to be able to have more leeway in its passive aggressive behavior. Carl could talk bad about others behind their back and expect others not to be mad. It was Carl's right and no one better do that to him.

In Carl’s neurotic mind if anything reminded the sad sack about his shortcoming it had to be about him. No matter how innocent, or coincidental the connection was. To the person who would not let itself be who it was, the facts and reality be damned everything was about it.Carl would deny being upset about the perceived slight by trying to be in touch which the feminine side it repress by telling itself that nothing anyone said could put its panties in a wad. This lie was literally true for the person who had the privacy of living by itself did not own a pair of panties. So having its panties in a wad would was impossible.

Carl existences would had stayed lonely until the day it found the courage to go online and expressed its hidden desire. Even then Carl did expose much of the real person so only a little color was added to the blank canvas which was on display for the world.

Carl went with the name Carla not for it liked the name, but so the aspiring crossdresser did not stray far from portraying itself as a male. It was not the use of a feminine version of Carl’s name which was wrong, it was the reasoning behind it. Being Carla online was not to express the real person but help deny showing it to others. Carl wished its real name was gender neutral like Dana, Kelly, or Tracy.

Carl was so scared of rejection that even around other gender non conformist people the sad sack had the fear of being looked down on wanting to what was accepted there, to be yourself. Carl could not take the chance of being rejected for showing its true essence. This kept those who would help Carl grow into the wonderful person it could be at bay.

Carl’s actions were not consistent with how the fraud portrayed itself in the room. Somehow the person who did not want to be with a man always had the fantasies it shared in the chatroom about how the men would drool over how hot Carla was. Carl claimed the clothes were about expressing its personality but were almost always sexy and most of the time never appropriate for the fantasy situation it would talk and dream of. Carl’s fantasy wardrobe was closer to slutty Halloween outfit selection at a fancy dress store than what a real woman would wear.

Even the modest clothes were not appropriate for someone Carl;s age. They would be hyper-feminine. Unicorns, glitter and saying it was a princess was part of all the tops. The shorts were too thight and short. Instead of just being a statement of who Carl was, the clothes would overcompensate for the fact Carl could not just be what it wanted to be. It helped Carl show and act like its true maturity level, one of a teenager.

Then even finding a chatroom filled with understanding people Carl would not admit its real self to others. Carl was still not able to express its true personality. The person who wanted to wear pretty clothes personality was as generic as any downtown shopping district. Devoid of anything which was unique. It was as bland as a cup of coffee from Starbucks. It kept most of the friendly strangers from making a connection with Karl. One cannot connect to someone was shallow by not letting its true self shine.

Most people would have pity for Carl if only it was not so pitiful, instead they felt shame for the sad sack. The person’s inactivity in trying to become who it was made people have shame towards how Carl lived life life. The worse thing anyone can be was in denial about who they were and pretend the act it portrayed was their real self. It only draws others who would not be themselves to stay friends after they got to know the nothingness which a person in denial would project.

Carl was lucky to meet like minded people. People who would not dare show their real selves to others and needed to share their loneliness with others for they could not bare being alone. Carl and the other in the circle of friends finally had some glimmer of happiness, for misery loves company. They also found happiness for they found a fictitious sense of acceptance of the fictitious personality they acted out.

This happiness in finding a place where they belonged hurt any chance of personal growth and the chance finding true happiness. The reason was for they found a connection with each other via a character flaw which they all should had been working on to get rid of. It chased away anyone who was not hiding who they were and could help them find the keys to unlock the chains which were holding them back from reaching their true potential.

Carl found momentary happiness for it was able to waste time and distract itself from the sad case of the sad capers of the sad sack it was. If only instead of wasting time and trying to justify its shortfall, and Carl would instead work on the cause of the sad state of its life, the potential person would be happy. There was only one true reason, one shortfall why people were drawn away from Carl, it was denying who it was.

Long term unhappiness came from people not being true to who they were. Carl’s fear insecurity and vanity was keeping it from being the person it could be. Carl was a good person who had great potential if only it would be who it was. Instead of a pronoun devoid of gender being the correct one to use for Carl, the genderfluid person would be referred to the correct pronoun associate with the gender it was expressing instead of portraying.

That was hope for the sad sack for each day it was getting sick and tired of what it was missing in it's life.One day Carl was going to be so weak that the real person trapped in the badly written sitcom which was its life would find the strength to be itself. One day Carl will realize it is better to be rejected for the truth of who you are than to be accepted for a lie of being everything to everyone. One day the sad case of the sad capers of a sad sack would be solved and Carl the sad sack would be no more and a happy person would take its place.



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