I woke up in hospital. I was held pretty immobile so all I could do was groan. Most of the pain was coming from my face, second to that and almost as bad was my groin. It wasn't that bad though. I tried to move. I was strapped down securely. My attempts did get attention and soon I could see Matron's face coming into my field of vision.
“Laurence, don't try to move dear. Or talk. You've been rather badly hurt. The doctor will tell you all about it. Your mother was here when you first came in, but had to go.” She moved somewhere out of my vision and I could hear her requesting a Doctor.
I heard the door open a few minutes later and this elderly gentleman came into my view.
“Hi Laurence. Don't worry, we will remove the straps in a second. I just need to go through with you what we had to deal with. I really wanted your mother here for this. OK, here we go. You came in with concussion, damage and fractures to your zygomatic arch and nose, mmm, your cheek bones. There was also extensive damage to your groin. Some of it was too severe. Hmmm... I'm afraid to say, we had to remove your testicles. You can get prosthetics and we can give you testosterone, but I'm afraid you are sterile.” The Matron came over and was stroking my arm, trying to offer me support. “I know it is a lot to consider, I have suggested counselling. There is nothing wrong with your jaw, it was just easier to immobilise the whole face whilst we held you in an induced coma. You have had surgery to repair and realign your face. It has been 4 weeks and everything is mostly healed, but you will need to wear a mask to cover your nose and cheek bones and keep them still, so they can heal fully. Once you are feeling a bit better, probably tomorrow morning, you will be discharged and stay awhile in the school sanatorium. I will be back later, a nurse will be in soon to sort out the bandages and mask.” With a sad smile, he left.
“I'm so sorry. Everything will be alright.” Matron carried on stroking me and whispering. I actually found it quite soothing. I could tell she cared. Intellectually I knew I should be upset, balling my eyes out really. I mean I had been castrated. Worse, puberty had never hit, I had naturally high female hormones and now no countering male ones. I already looked more female than male, who knew what my face was going to look like when my mask came off. And only a stranger, who I had only met a few times seemed to care about me. My fathers parents had migrated to Spain and my mother was an orphan, her foster parents were elderly and died before I was born. Whether it was the drugs in my system or shock, there were no tears. There was a deep sadness. I wanted to be a Dad one day. A father like my father was.
The nurse came in and unpackaged me. Even when I could say something, I didn't really have anything to say. The day passed quickly. I went to the toilet to relieve myself. It was really strange to have a slightly tender empty sac. I felt really weak too. Not moving for a month must have really weakened me.
The headmaster visited me after I had been relocated to the school sanatorium. He explained that the boys all claimed that I had offered to give a blow job and then bit instead. He did not believe them, but there was no way to prove otherwise. I could try and press charges as I was a minor and even if what they said was true they would have been breaking the law. He really didn't want me to do that as it would be unlikely to be successful and the school name would be dragged through the mud. My reputation would be ruined and they could counter sue for damages. I can't say I was too disappointed. I was more concerned with what Nathan and his goons were going to do. I felt emotionally numb. I could intellectually work out that I should be feeling angry, sad, hurt, humiliated and probably lots of other emotions, but it was like I was distanced from it. Not really connected to me.
After a week in the sanatorium getting my strength back I returned to school. I would have to wear the mask for another couple of weeks, just to be on the safe side. Life seemed to pass in a grey haze. Nothing really mattered any more. I was just going through the motions. My clothes did not really fit me any more. I would like to say it was because I had grown taller, but, alas, after 5 weeks with no testosterone and naturally high female hormones, my hips were wider, my bum bigger, my waist narrower and my breasts larger. I arranged for a pass on the weekend to go into town and take my debit card with me. I caught Nathan glaring at me a few times but until Friday I managed to avoid him. His buddies seemed to have deserted him. The rumour mill suggested he was being called a eunuch. He was getting a lot of verbal abuse and he blamed me for all of it.
He followed me into the toilet on Friday, after lunch. He is a lot bigger than me, but I was well trained and although I was wary, I was not worried. That could have been over confidence or my emotional deadening. He did not want to fight though. Apparently, he is well off and well connected. His actual question was “do you know how much your life is worth because I do.” I think he was telling me, without telling me, that he had taken a hit out on me. I was still in a bit of a depressed state so it bothered me less than it should have done.
I did lay awake thinking about it that night. Adrenaline leaked into my system and got through my armour to start to register fear, dread. I had no idea whether he was telling the truth or not. If he wasn't telling the truth, I had nothing to worry about. If he was, what the hell was I going to do? The police would not take me seriously.
My family did not seem to care. I really missed my father. I tried to think about it logically. If it was a movie and someone had hired a hitman what were the options? Protection? I didn't think that was going to work. You would have to convince an authority figure and there was no evidence. If you had enough money you could hire protection. My mother had enough, but I had no access to it. OK so protection was out. I could go after the hitman. How the hell would I do that? I had no skills or knowledge that would help me do that. The only other option was to run away. I would have to be in disguise and stay that way until I knew they were no longer after me. I might never know, so the disguise might have to be forever.
That was a pretty dramatic response with some pretty serious consequences. I was seeing a doctor on Monday to discuss hormone therapy and possibly testicular prosthetics. If I was on the run I would be out of the healthcare system I would become more and more feminised. Without a legal ID I would only be able to get cash in hand jobs. The only job I was trained for was some security work, but with my size and shape, it would have to be as a girl. Who knew if there were any jobs like that? I suppose dressing as a girl would be the ultimate disguise. In my case, all it would take to look like a girl is undo my male disguise, literally take off my mask, and put on a wig. There was always the risk of rape or prostitution, I would have to rely on my martial arts skills to keep me safe. Well it was a very drastic step. I was a bit scared, but not scared enough to take such a drastic action.
The next day I walked the mile into town. I tried to be hyper aware of everyone around me. It was stressing me the hell out and my only conclusion is that if anyone wanted to kill me, it would be far too easy. Again, I tried to use logic. If I was killed with a sniper rifle or even a gun, it would stink of a hit, which might put pressure in the wrong places. If I was to guess, I would think, hit and run car accident, but not at this time of day. Maybe a mugging gone wrong. A couple of knife thrusts. Take the wallet. Easy. Except, I don't think I am that easy a target. I have been studying martial arts for almost 8 years now and I have always taken it very seriously.
I think I needed to know, was someone after me? Rather than just getting my shopping and going back, I went to the ATM and pulled out my maximum £400. I wanted to present a tempting target. I then started wandering through town, trying to make it seem that I was window shopping, but actually using the reflections to see if anyone was watching me. Within a few shops I did notice someone. I am no expert, however there don't tend to be many men over 6 feet tall window shopping on a Saturday morning wearing sunglasses. It was a cloudy day, but still quite bright.. I needed proof, so I had to give him an opportunity. There are cameras everywhere so I wasn't too worried where I was. I headed to the public loo, I figured either the alley leading to it or inside would give him an opportunity.
I went inside and waited. No one came in. When I stepped out, I spotted him in the shadows on the left about half way down the alley. If I hadn't been looking, I probably wouldn't have noticed. I pretended that I hadn't seen him and walked towards him. When I was a couple of metres away he stepped out of the shadow to close with me. I immediately reacted to keep the 2 metre distance. He tried to leap forward and slash at me. This guy had no training at all. I allowed it to pass me then stepped forwards, caught his wrist and then elbow, locking them and forcing him to throw himself into the wall. For the first time ever, I didn't hold back at all.
Before he could recover, I was past him and away as quickly as possible. I went into a nearby charity shop. I quickly gathered up a hat, and a couple of dresses that looked like they could fit me and went into the changing room. I took the mask off put the hat on and stripped to my underwear. The dress was way too large and, of course, I wasn't wearing a bra, but I felt my disguise was sufficient to have a proper look for stuff. There was an old lady who was very helpful. What she thought initially, I have no idea, but by the time I left I was wearing a girlish hat, with a scarf, sunglasses, a yellow dress with a pink jumper, a pair of flats, a new handbag and purse that I transferred my cash into. I even had a plain necklace.
I know I wasn't the most stylish, but, importantly, the clothes were tight enough to show my feminine curves and hide my hair. I was really quite surprised by my face. My hook nose was gone, it seemed a bit smaller with a bit of upturn. Really quite cute. Maybe because of that or perhaps the work on the cheeks, my face looked different. It sort of, wasn't my face any more, not Laurence's anyway. I went to the train station and bought a ticket to London. I didn't see my attacker once. I did see a different person who seemed to be searching peoples faces, I ignored him, as did everyone else and he ignored me.
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