Becoming Sarah Part 4

On Sunday ,James returned to doing his normal weekend morning ritual. While it was almost totally normal. The difference was so minor that Dillon or James did not even notice it. James had his roommate’s cup of coffee waiting for him as he woke. Dillon thanked his friend and was happy that those two were going to have a chat.

Dillon had an issue on his mind which he needed to share with someone. He wondered if he was going to end up never finding the right man for himself. It not for Dillon did not think he was good enough to get a man. He was and he knew was in a modest manner. His assurance, of he was a good catch, was from him being self aware his good qualities. He was tall, dark, handsome, kind, intelligent, strong, had good morals and a gentleman. It was from his future.

After he got his degree, Dillon was going back to the Roberts’s family homestead and work on the family farm. Farming was in his blood. He did not see it as work; he saw it as doing what he loved and being able to live life off of it. He loved the country life and wanted to work the land his father, his grandfather and his great grandfather and his great great grandfather did.

The issue that Dillon was having he just could not connect to any man who was keen on the idea of a nice country life. He knew not going back to the farm was a dealbreaker for him. Dillon believed that fact had to out in the open right away. The last thing the big guy with an even bigger heart wanted was heartbreak over having to follow his calling.

Dillon asked James, serious question. Would you move to the country for a woman you love?”

“Yes, I would move to the country for a woman I loved. Would I want to start a relationship with a woman knowing that I had to move to the country, no.”

Dillon being a typical male said “I don’t understand the difference. You are still with the person you love. Why is it such a big deal to you city folk to live in the city?”

James laughed at Dillon’s joke of using city folk. His friend wanted a serious conversation, yet could not be serious even for a minute. He knew it was his roommate way of not getting too emotional about his predicament. James’ roommate knew he wanted the stable marriage life and never to play the field again. He wanted to be with the one.

“It is the same reason a country boy, like yourself, wants to live in the rural areas. It is part of us.

But that is not the issue, my friend. It is when people start a relationship they are looking for everything to be ideal. They want the perfect spouse, in the perfect place to live, with the perfect job and the perfect social life. They want it all.

After being with that special someone, people find out what is significant and what is not insignificant in their life. Being with that special someone, makes them cull away the shaft from the grains of what they need to be happy. Trust me, if a man was lucky enough to have your love he would laugh that he every thought for a moment that he never wanted to live in the country.”

“Then I am not being fair wanting to be a farmer?”

“No, I am not saying that. Relationships are complex and you, you are a farmer. You need to be on the farm to be who you are. Most people are not that way with a job, or a place to live. You are for you found your vocation. Asking you not to live where you need to live would be like asking a fish to live in the desert.”

“I swear James, I will never understand relationships. People say they are about equality, yet you are saying me needing to be a farmer is more important than the other person’s need to live where they want.”

“Dillon, relationships should be about equality. Part of equality is both people in the relationship makes sure the other’s needs are put ahead of their wants. You have the need to be a farmer so you would have to meet someone who does not have the need to be in the city. At the same time the number of kids is not a big deal to you, so if man you are with wants a big family, you will have a big family. You both are putting each other’s wants in front of your needs”

“Then what should I do?”

“It is simple, you can either keep on protecting your heart and not take a chance of it being broken over you needing to be a farmer. Or you not worry about if the person want a country life with you until you are at that crossroads. You will be taking a chance at heartbreak later, but will get rid of the constant heartache you have now.”

“Great you just gave an answer a girl would give. Speaking of that, how was shopping with the girls yesterday?”

James face lit up from him remembering how great of a time he had with all the girls, specially Cara. The male who did not know he was a female was ready to give Dillon all the details. Then knew he better not for Dillon’s eyes would just glaze over like his did when the roommate would bring up what grains are the best to feed the different breeds of cattle.

A little bit of Sarah did poke out also hearing shopping. She wanted her ‘date’ to see the dress for the dance. She knew it might be her only ‘date’ with a man and wanted it to be perfect. So if her escort for the evening saw the dress he could make sure their outfits were somewhat coordinated. .
“Dillon I will take that comment as a compliment, so thank you. And shopping, it went great, I got everything I needed. Let me show you what I will be wearing on our ‘date.’ ”

“I really do not care what you are wearing and it is not a real date.”

“I know you don’t care and also I know is not a real date. I just want what our outfits to match.”

As James pulled up the webpage of the apricot bodycon dress Dillon said “You are taking this serious.”

“Why would I not? You know I don’t do anything half assed. I need to experience a proper first date as a female. Ladies want a couple to look like a couple. With people who are first dating not having that personal connection to show the world they are a couple, women like to have physical signs and our outfits matching would be one.

By the way you will call me Sarah on that weekend. This is so I am in the right frame of mind. I will be Sarah other than when I call my parents.

Plus I wanted to show you the dress for Cara loves it.”

Dillon was going to say something about James always wanting to use a female name until he heard the name Cara. He rolled his eyes when James brought up Cara. The days getting shorter, the leaves changing colors and James’ annual crush on Cara were all signs of autumn was upon us. Dillon was not ready to hear James pine about Cara yet again “Dude why don’t you just ask her out already? This will be the third fall you talk to me about how wonderful Cara is and by the time you do anything she is onto the loser of the year.”

The last two years James had a crush on Cara and took to. He would wait and bide his time until the right moment which never came. Then Cara would be with some guy who only see saw the good in. Her freshman year it was Mick, a boy who was drunk more than he was sober. Then sophomore year it was who everyone called “Sticky Fingers” Eddie, the nickname came from what made him a bad catch.

“I will after this project. Me and Cara are becoming very close, but she saw me dressed as a woman. Come on would you date a guy you saw in dresses? I really do not think I have a chance, but our friendship is so much closer now.”

The answer to his dating dilemma came to Dillon as he responded to James, question. The man who gain insight knew that Cara would never want to date a man who wore dresses but she would so date James if he did. “I would if he was happy living on the farm.

I get what you were saying now,thanks dude.”


After hanging up the phone with his parents James knew his father could never find out about this project. With Sarah coming to the surface after a long exile, how the elder Young brought up James’ sex and gender an unnatural amount of times in the conversation bothered him. Instead of actually having a conversation with his dad, all James could think was “Why is he so fascinated in me being a man?” If James did not know better he would have sworn his dad was trying to convince himself his son was his son and not a daughter.

James was right Marcus Young was trying to convince himself his son was his son and not his daughter. Yes, it was only once he caught James in a dress playing with dolls; but how his son was so matter of fact in the dress was not right for a little boy. Marcus would not had freaked out if James would had been acting like he was playing dress up.

From that day there was a strain on the father and son relationship. It was for Marcus quit treating James like his son and like someone he was training. If James was not a boy his dad was going to teach him how to be one. James only knew three techniques to train: fear intimidation and to wear his pupil down, He became a taskmaster to James.

At first Marcus was hurt that there was an emotional disconnect between him and James. Then when Marcus became pleased when he saw that it made James more independent, driven and stubborn, all traits the father thought were masculine qualities. The taskmaster knew not having a close relationship with his son was worth it. He much rather have his son not be close to him than being one of those confuse freaks in a dress. Being tough, and cold toward James was the most loving act Marcus believed he could do.

James being independent, driven, and stubborn were not signs of him becoming more masculine. They were signs that he was a strong person. The boy, who was just a brilliant disguise, knew that Sarah was in danger as long as her father was around. Those three traits made him strong enough to hide Sarah away, even from himself.

Even with James not knowing he was really Sarah, they were the same person. He was part of her personality, not a different one. James was just in denial of he was a she. Sarah made sure of James was also conned in believing he was not more than he thought he was, for she knew that was the only way she could survive and be protected from Marcus.

Now Sarah was using her traits of being independent driven and stubborn to become visible to the material world and also in her own consciousness. Dr Allagi’s assignment was the perfect opportunity for Sarah to come out from the recess of her mind. She knew it was a little early, with just about 2 years of college left; but reminding herself of who she was now would be so much easier on her psyche than after college. It would be easier was for the catalyst which cause her to dress how she should was external instead of internal. James would not be asking so many questions about why he was doing so and why he liked it.

Moving the schedule up to now did have it drawbacks. The biggest one is it would be rushed. Even with knowing she was a woman, Sarah had no idea of who she was. She would have to do a lot of selfgrowth in a weekend. She knew she would have to go back to being James for a while after the project. That did not matter, for she would be too far out in her mind for James to be able to deny who she was anymore.

It would had been great if she could transition after just a weekend out in the public. She also knew that it would had been great if pizza had no calories. Both of those wishes had one thing in common; they would never be true. No one puts on a dress for a couple of days and then just accept that they were a woman their entire life. If that happened then that person was just weak and was not happy with who they were more than they were a female.

Another drawback of becoming Sarah was that she would have to deal with her father. He would not be happy at all. Sarah was lucky that there was not much he could do about it. She was pretty much self sufficient, school was paid for by a full academic scholarship. With how great the girls were about the project she knew, she could stay there over the breaks. The summer would be tricky, but she would worry about that when the time came.

Sarah knew two weekends from now was paramount in her personal growth and just hoped that somehow James made the right decisions on the way up to it to make it easier. It would be great if he spent more time around the girls. They seemed to be coaxing her out of him. Even that bitch Lilith, her nasty attitude towards James made him face the hard decision of just accepting being a female to prove her wrong. In her cell Sarah grin as she thought of how she was going to tell that lady with a nasty attitude off when the time was right.


Even with no one else at the apartment, Lilith, with a package in hand, looked both ways as she went into her bedroom. The last thing she wanted was for the ladies who shared the apartment with her to see her next surprise for James. They would ruin it by stopping her from giving it to him.

As she open the box and looked at its contents, she liked what she saw. Oh it was over $300, but worth it. That was a lot for most colleges students but not Lilith. Her daddy gave her a generous allowance and if she blew through it she would just ask him to send more money. He always would. The girl from a broken family knew exactly what buttons to push oh her daddy to get her way.

Lilith’s mom left her dad when she was a toddler. That made the young girl feel like her dad abandoned her. Lilith did not know who left who, she just knew her daddy was not there anymore. She felt even more abandoned by her dad when he got remarried, even with him wanting her to be the flower girl. He did all he could, but it was not what Lilith needed, more time with her dad.

Mr Nigel Rose did make sure that he got every moment of his time with her, but Lilith’s mom, Carla Espinosa, did not make it easy. She would be late to give Lilith to her ex-husband and then insist that he showed up early on to return Lilith. Carla would always deny changes which Nigel wanted to get extra time with Lilith. Lilith was her daughter and Carla felt she did not have to make accommodations for others.

Her stepfather, Christopher Turkleton did not warm to Lilith, it was for she was not his biological daughter . He was a good man a good father- not a good step-father. His kids were his world and was not able to see that family was beyond blood. That did lead to a couple fights between her stepfather and her mom.

Carla Espinosa never took the name of either of the men she married. She thought that was the best way to show she was a modern woman. She also thought the best way to show she did not need a man was to try to do everything herself. Her second husband not being the best step-father to Lilith would only occasionally bother Carla..She did not need any man’s help in raising her daughter. Plus it would teach her Lilypad an important lesson, you do not need a man to be happy.

Her ex-husband got her child on her terms, not the courts. No judge would tell her when she had to drop off or pick up her precious Rose. It putting a stain on the father daughter relationship was no concern to her. Nigel had to learn to overcome that, for life is not easy or fair. It will also teach her Lilypad another important lesson, people are not dependable.

So Lilith got the money to buy her surprise for James from the undependable man who was always there for her. She put the box inside a drawer and just waited for the right time to give it to James.


It was Tuesday after his classes and James wanted to go over the ladies’ apartment right now, he was going to have a makeup lesson from Audrey. He always was fascinated with watching a lady put on her makeup. It was just amazing at how nonchalant a woman could apply makeup. It was nothing to them to be holding a conversation while applying the right amount of blush. Then the results of a good makeup job he loved. A good makeup job, to him, brought out the best features of a lady face while looking natural.

The normally patient man finally could not wait anymore. He called the apartment and asked Audrey if it was fine if he came over early. He knew that she was studying and did not want to intrude on her academic pursuits. Audrey, like always, was ahead in her studies so she told him to come on over. Plus, she was hoping that Sarah would be early so she could spend some one on one time with her new friend.

James got there and Audrey suggested that they had something to drink before they got started. Sarah took Audrey referring to James as dear as her cue to come out of the darkness. Audrey wanted the drink together so they could chat beforehand. The chat was to satisfy her curiosity. The makeup artist for a day was a little curious about how much of Sarah was James’ being in the role with the clothes on and how much of it was just a different part of James real personality shining through now it had the chance.

Audrey and Sarah had a nice little conversation. How open, down to earth, and friendly Sarah was made Audrey trying to read her friend impossible. Sarah was acting just like James would, but so different at the same time. Sarah was just a feminine version of James so Audrey could not tell which parts were natural and which parts were forced. She never even thought of what was the truth, it was all natural.

The door opened and Lilith came in. The two ladies in the living area said hi. Then the intruded on their time together asked what James was doing there. Audrey threw a dirty look at Lilith and before she could chastised the lady who was up to no good said “Sorry, I meant Sarah. It is just a force of habit to me to call a man by a man’s name. I will get it right by that weekend. So tell me what are you two girls doing.”

Sarah was not happy that her frenemy was there but was still happy about what she was about to tell Lilith “Oh honey Audrey is kind enough to give me a makeup lesson. I need to be able to do my own makeup to have the real experience of being a woman.”

Internally Lilith blew up and she would had went off on James for she found the answer to be a superficial remark. It never even crossed the mind of the lady on her high horse that Sarah understood that makeup was part of a woman’s outfit. Lilith took Sarah’s remark as saying that a woman is not a woman if she did not wear makeup.

Lilith fought the urge to go off on him like a businessman trapped in a hippie commune for life. She knew giving one of her surprises she had in store for James would be more satisfying. Her saying how wrong his statement was would not register to him, for he was a man. Her giving her righteous objection to that flippant remark would also make it that she had to wait to give James the box inside the box.

“Oh that is great Sarah. I got another one of my surprises for you and I can give it to you now. It will be so helpful when you are all doll up playing dress up. Sorry I mean exploring what it is to be a woman. Again, force of habit, when a man puts on a dress I call it dress up.

I will be right back.”

Sarah was a little shaken when she heard that Lilith had multiple surprises in store for her. One was more than enough many and more than two might be too many for Sarah to handle. Sarah could not understand why Lilith was pending the time and effort to make Sarah coming out into the light so hard.

Sarah the sweetheart knew that her friend was mad at her, but would not say what was the issue directly. That upset Sarah for each time she interacted with Lilith the space between them grew. She was losing a friend over a stupid project. Sarah’s friendship to Lilith was more important than this project so she said “Audrey, I am going to find another project to do. I know Lilith does not like it. I will just do some volunteer work at one of those women group she suggested. Plus, me doing so would help repair my relationship with her.”

Audrey was not going to have Lilith dictate to Sarah what she can and can’t do. Plus she knew this project was important for her friends emotional and psychological growth. Audrey took on her den mother role and said “Listen here young lady, you will do no such thing. You put too much time and money into it. Plus there are three other ladies who want to spend the weekend with you. So either Lilith is going to learn to live with you becoming Sarah for the weekend or she is going to lose five friends. I know Dillon will also not be happy with how she is acting.”

Sarah regain her convictions of becoming herself for an entire weekend when Lilith came out with a gift bag in her hand. The lady, who was going to teach James a real lesson, wanted to be up close when her friend saw the surprise. The devious lady reach into the bag and pulled out what looks like a piece of silicone with two straps. Closer inspection of the silicon showed that it had a pussy in the middle of it.

Sarah looks dumbfounded and Audrey had anger written all over her face. Before either of them could say anything, Lilith said “I bought you your own vagina, the B-Lady Vaginal Prosthesis. Don’t worry it is easy to put on and the instructions are in the bag.

You want to be a lady for the weekend and a lady does not have what you have between her legs. A gaff just pushes it in, but you can still see it. You should see what a real woman sees when she looks down there. You want to be a woman than totally look like one.

Also you should have the same issues a woman has down there. You will have to sit when you urinate, and have to wipe after doing so. So this surprise is just my way of making sure you get the real experience of being a woman while you play dress up”

Sarah was upset and was ready to cry. Lilith knew that man in front of her was going to admit he could never be a woman. Lilith eagerly waited to hear her foe admit defeat.Even with James admitting he could not do be a woman even for a weekend in a moment, this was not over for Lilith. She had at least one more surprise for James. When the time was right she would give it to him, to remind him he was never man enough to even try to be a woman.

The lady, who was just trying to come into her own, was in a no win situation. Sarah knew she could not back down from Lilith’s challenge yet at the same time she did not know if James was ready for her to have a vagina. Even with it being fake, when Sarah looked down at it James might figure out Sarah’s plan. If he did he would go into full protect mode and throw Sarah into lockdown.

Sarah knew what she had to do, carry on and move forward. She believed how stubborn her and James was would probably make her male persona believed that he was doing this just to prove Lilith wrong. Sarah was ready to take the risk of ruining her early release. She had a couple little tastes of freedom and yearned for more.

After regaining her composure Sarah said “Thank you so much for being so considerate Lilith. I did not even think of that. I was a little taken back by me not being so inconsiderate, so it took me a moment to gather my words . Thank you again for helping making my path to womanhood for a weekend a much real experience.”

Sarah grabbed the prosthetic vagina and put it back in the bag. Then she got up and hugged Lilith on her way to Cara’s room to change into something more fitting for a woman. Audrey did all she could not to laugh at the look of disdain on her roommate’s face.

As soon as Sarah closed the door behind her Audrey went off on her former friend. “I already said that is enough. You should not be treating Sarah in that manner.”

“Oh come on Audrey his name is James and he deserves everything I am doing to him and more. He is making a mockery of me and you. I have no idea why you are playing along with this. I thought you were a strong woman. You are not.”

“His name is James but right now he is not him. She is Sarah, I do not know what is going on but I tell you one thing, this is not a guy playing dress up. Sarah has a strong feminine quality about her. If you would take the time to see her as your friend and not as someone who is against you Lilith, you will see it also.

I suggest that you leave right now before you say something you will regret.”

“Don’t you mean before I regret.”

Audrey staring a hole into her roommate said “No, I am regretting holding my tongue and not speaking my mind fully with you. Now go, I have no time to suffer fools and you are acting foolish.”

Lilith knew she was not going to talk any sense into Audrey and left. Just like the other two times Lilith met Sarah she slammed the door as she left her apartment.

She knew leaving was the prudent course of action. The last thing she wanted was do any more damage to her friendship with any of her roommates. Yes they were acting foolish, but they did not understand the struggle of being a woman like she did. If they did they would not be helping James make their gender something trivial. She did not hold what James was doing against them, in fact she already has forgiven them. Lilith was just going to wait to show them the truth.


Sarah, naked in Cara’s room, was going to put the breast forms on first. The she remembered how heavy they were and decided they would be put on last. She then put in the hair extensions, and the hip enhancers. Sarah took a deep breath for now was a moment of truth. It was time to put the prosethetic vangina on. The nervous woman was tensed as she put James’ penis into the pouch. Sarah could not look as she finally slid her vagina into place.

Quickly to take her mind off of what her groined looked like now, she applied the medical adhesive to her breast forms and put them on. It was time. Sarah had no choice, she had to look into the full length mirror. She saw a real woman looking back at her in amazement. There was not a trace of manhood on that body and that fact Sarah smiled. In the most feminine voice to ever leave her lips Sarah triumphantly said “I am Sarah.”

Those three words had a ring of truth to them. They were also empowering to her. Saying those words in the right tone were like a magical spell which gave Sarah even more strength and determination to be who she always was. The strong willed woman knew she could be herself, she can be Sarah for she was now

Sarah Slide her panties on and twisted her new curvy hips in the mirror. She giggled at how well her figures look and was pleased with how she enjoy the movement of her breasts that went along with it. Then she put on her bra.

Now the hard part, what to wear. She wished that she had a nice pair of tight jeans to show off no bulge down there. That desire helped her make her decision, the outfit Lexi picked out. Those leggings would show her new off womanhood off. She quickly put the leggings and the purple blouse with bat wings on and ran into the living area.

Audrey was pleased to see how full of live Sarah was. Sarah said “Hiya honey, don’t I look great. I know Lilith was being a bitch, but she was right. Her surprise hides that penis so well. No bulge down there. I wish I had this while we went shopping I would had got those jeans I love.”

Audrey had no idea how to respond to the last part of Sarah’s comment. The supportive lady did what her momma taught her in this kind of situation, she said something supportive. “You would look nice in jeans dear.”

Sarah smiled from those kind words and said “I know, now let get to you showing me how to do my makeup.”


Audrey knew she should had been, but was not amazed at how quickly Sarah picked up doing makeup. She was a natural at it. Audrey took a chance and asked. “Dear do not take this question wrong. Have you put makeup on before?”

Sarah was too blissful to see that innocent question in a bad light. “No, I haven’t. As James, I would always watch women put on makeup when he could. I guess some of seeing it rubbed off on me.”

Audrey did notice how Sarah referred to James in the third person. She was not going to pry more into it. It did make her think that her first assumption could be wrong. Most crossdressers did not refer to their male side in that manner.

After Sarah was done applying the makeup she ran into Cara’s room and then ran back out just as quickly. She hugged Audrey “I love how I look.The makeup goes perfectly with the outfit. I am so lucky that you had the right shade of purple for the eyeshadow. It pops out my eyes and also goes so well with the blouse.”

Those two talked until Lexi and Cara came home. Audrey had to keep reminding herself it was a man she was talking to. She found that ironic for she thought she would had to remind herself to treat James as Sarah. Sarah was just so real to Audrey that it was hard to see a male while looking at her..

Sarah’s new friend now hoped that James could deal with whatever was going on. Audrey knew one thing that she would be there to give Sarah/James all the support he/she needed. She also knew that she was going to have the least amount to do with Lilith. Lilith was wrong for how how she was treating Sarah. Lilith needed to open her eyes to the metamorphosis which was going on with their friend.

The four girls enjoyed a nice dinner and ended up playing some Spades. As soon as the card game was brought up Cara and Sarah declared each other teammates at the same time, then giggled in unison.

It was time for Sarah to go back to being James and she changed. Even with being dressed as James, Sarah was still out. She hugged each of the girls before leaving. At the door Sarah gave Cara a hug which was a little longer than the one the other two got. she said “I really enjoyed our time together, maybe I can come over on Thursday for some girl time with you.”

Cara’s heart skipped a beat hearing that. She knew Sarah was not asking her out on a formal date. Still Cara knew it was so the giggle twins’ bond to grow tighter and more intimate. “You can come over anytime you want to spend some girl time or girl and boy time with me, Sarah James.”

They looked deeply into each other’s eyes before Cara closed the door. Sarah thought to herself how much she liked both Cara’s response and the nickname her friend just gave her.. She left and Cara closed closed the door and lean against it. Before she could say anything Lexi and Audrey said “I know, you think you are getting a crush on Sarah James.”

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