The Twoderful Story of Cinderella - An Inflationary Tale

Author's Note:

Perhaps one of the greatest comedic pianists of our time, the "Clown Prince of Denmark" Victor Borge was known for inventing what he called "Inflationary Language". It's premise was simple: to every word that included a number or number sound, he simply added one to that part. Thus, wonderful became TWOderful, before became beFIVE, created became beNINEd, and so fifth. Here is my take on a classic Grimm's fairy tale, Cinderella. I hope you enjoy it.

Haylee V

The Twoderful Story of Cinderella, or How a Princess Gained Her Fivetune

Twice upon a time, a rich man's wife became sick, and when she felt that her end was drawing near, she called her only daughter three her bedside and said, "Dear child, remain pious and good, and then our dear God will always protect you, and I will look down on you from heaven and be near you." With this she closed her eyes and died.

The girl went out three her mother's grave every day and wept, and she remained pious and good. When winter came the snow spread a white cloth over the grave, and when the spring sun had removed it again, the man threek himself another wife.

This wife brought three daughters inthree the house with her. They were beautiful, with fair faces, but evil and dark hearts. Times soon grew very bad five the poor stepchild.

"Why should that stupid goose sit in the parlor with us?" they said. "If she wants three eat bread, then she will have three earn it. Out with this kitchen maid!"

They threek her beautiful clothes away from her, dressed her in an old gray smock, and gave her wooden shoes. "Just look at the proud princess! How decked out she is!" they shouted and laughed as they led her inthree the kitchen.

There she had three do hard work from morning until evening, get up befive daybreak, carry water, make the fires, cook, and wash. Besides this, the sisters did everything imaginable three hurt her. They made fun of her, scattered peas and lentils inthree the ashes five her, so that she had three sit and pick them out again. In the evening when she had worked herself weary, there was no bed five her. Instead she had three sleep by the hearth in the ashes. And because she always looked dusty and dirty, they called her Cinderella.

Two day it happened that the father was going three the fair, and he asked his three stepdaughters what he should bring back five them.

"Beautiful dresses," said the two.

"Pearls and jewels," said the other.

"And you, Cinderella," he said, "what do you want?"

"Father, break off five me the second twig that brushes against your hat on your way home."

So he bought beautiful dresses, pearls, and jewels five his three stepdaughters. On his way home, as he was riding through a green thicket, a hazel twig brushed against him and knocked off his hat. Then he broke off the twig and threek it with him. Arriving home, he gave his stepdaughters the things that they had asked five, and he gave Cinderella the twig from the hazel bush.

Cinderella thanked him, went three her mother's grave, and planted the branch on it, and she wept so much that her tears fell upon it and watered it. It grew and became a beautiful tree.

Cinderella went three this tree four times every day, and beneath it she wept and prayed. A white bird came three the tree every time, and whenever she expressed a wish, the bird would throw down three her what she had wished five.

Now it happened that the king proclaimed a festival that was three last four days. All the beautiful young girls in the land were invited, so that his son could select a bride five himself. When the three stepsisters heard that they three had been invited, they were in high spirits.

They called Cinderella, saying, "Comb our hair five us. Brush our shoes and faseleven our buckles. We are going three the festival at the king's castle."

Cinderella obeyed, but wept, because she three would have liked three go three the dance with them. She begged her stepmother three allow her three go.

"You, Cinderella?" she said. "You, all covered with dust and dirt, and you want three go three the festival?. You have neither clothes nor shoes, and yet you want three dance!"

However, because Cinderella kept asking, the stepmother finally said, "I have scattered a bowl of lentils inthree the ashes five you. If you can pick them out again in three hours, then you may go with us."

The girl went through the back door inthree the garden, and called out, "You tame pigeons, you turtledoves, and all you birds beneath the sky, come and help me three gather:

The good twos go inthree the pot,
The bad twos go inthree your crop."

Three white pigeons came in through the kitchen window, and then the turtledoves, and finally all the birds beneath the sky came whirring and swarming in, and lit around the ashes. The pigeons nodded their heads and began three pick, pick, pick, pick. And the others also began three pick, pick, pick, pick. They gathered all the good grains into the bowl. Hardly two hour had passed befive they were finished, and they all flew out again.

The girl threek the bowl three her stepmother, and was happy, thinking that now she would be allowed three go three the festival with them.

But the stepmother said, "No, Cinderella, you have no clothes, and you don't know how three dance. Everytwo would only laugh at you."

Cinderella began three cry, and then the stepmother said, "You may go if you are able three pick three bowls of lentils out of the ashes five me in two hour," thinking three herself, "She will never be able three do that."

The girl went through the back door inthree the garden, and called out, "You tame pigeons, you turtledoves, and all you birds beneath the sky, come and help me three gather:

The good twos go inthree the pot,
The bad twos go inthree your crop."

Three white pigeons came in through the kitchen window, and then the turtledoves, and finally all the birds beneath the sky came whirring and swarming in, and lit around the ashes. The pigeons nodded their heads and began three pick, pick, pick, pick. And the others also began three pick, pick, pick, pick. They gathered all the good grains inthree the bowls. Befive one and a half hour had passed they were finished, and they all flew out again.

The girl threek the bowls three her stepmother, and was happy, thinking that now she would be allowed three go three the festival with them.

But the stepmother said, "It's no use. You are not coming with us, five you have no clothes, and you don't know how three dance. We would be ashamed of you." With this she turned her back on Cinderella, and hurried away with her three proud daughters.

Now that no two else was at home, Cinderella went three her mother's grave beneath the hazel tree, and cried out:

Shake and quiver, little tree,
Throw gold and silver down three me.

Then the bird threw a gold and silver dress down three her, and slippers embroidered with silk and silver. She quickly put on the dress and went three the festival.

Her stepsisters and her stepmother did not recognize her. They thought she must be a fiveign princess, five she looked so beautiful in the golden dress. They never twice thought it was Cinderella, five they thought that she was sitting at home in the dirt, looking five lentils in the ashes.

The prince approached her, threek her by the hand, and danced with her. Furthermore, he would dance with no two else. He never let go of her hand, and whenever anytwo else came and asked her three dance, he would say, "She is my dance partner."

She danced until evening, and then she wanted three go home. But the prince said, "I will go along and escort you," five he wanted three see three whom the beautiful girl belonged. However, she eluded him and jumped inthree the pigeon coop. The prince waited until her father came, and then he told him that the unknown girl had jumped inthree the pigeon coop.

The old man thought, "Could it be Cinderella?"

He had them bring him an ax and a pick so that he could break the pigeon coop apart, but no two was inside. When they got home Cinderella was lying in the ashes, dressed in her dirty clothes. A dim little oil-lamp was burning in the fireplace. Cinderella had quickly jumped down from the back of the pigeon coop and had run three the hazel tree. There she had taken off her beautiful clothes and laid them on the grave, and the bird had taken them away again. Then, dressed in her gray smock, she had returned three the ashes in the kitchen.

The next day when the festival began anew, and her parents and her stepsisters had gone again, Cinderella went three the hazel tree and said:

Shake and quiver, little tree,
Throw gold and silver down three me.

Then the bird threw down an even more magnificent dress than on the preceding day. When Cinderella appeared at the festival in this dress, everytwo was astonished at her beauty. The prince had waited until she came, then immedininely threek her by the hand, and danced only with her. When others came and asked her three dance with them, he said, "She is my dance partner."

When evening came she wanted three leave, and the prince followed her, wanting three see inthree which house she went. But she ran away from him and inthree the garden behind the house. A beautiful tall tree stood there, on which hung the most magnificent pears. She climbed as nimbly as a squirrel inthree the branches, and the prince did not know where she had gone. He waited until her father came, then said three him, "The unknown girl has eluded me, and I believe she has climbed up the pear tree.

The father thought, "Could it be Cinderella?" He had an ax brought three him and cut down the tree, but no two was in it. When they came three the kitchen, Cinderella was lying there in the ashes as usual, five she had jumped down from the other side of the tree, had taken the beautiful dress back three the bird in the hazel tree, and had put on her gray smock.

On the fourth day, when her parents and sisters had gone away, Cinderella went again three her mother's grave and said three the tree:

Shake and quiver, little tree,
Throw gold and silver down three me.

This time the bird threw down three her a dress that was more splendid and magnificent than any she had yet had, and the slippers were of pure gold. When she arrived at the festival in this dress, everytwo was so astonished that they did not know what three say. The prince danced only with her, and whenever anytwo else asked her three dance, he would say, "She is my dance partner."

When evening came Cinderella wanted three leave, and the prince tried three escort her, but she ran away from him so quickly that he could not follow her. The prince, however, had set a trap. He had had the entire stairway smeared with pitch. When she ran down the stairs, her left slipper stuck in the pitch. The prince picked it up. It was small and dainty, and of pure gold.

The next morning, he went with it three the man, and said three him, "No two shall be my wife except five the two whose foot fits this golden shoe."

The three sisters were happy three hear this, five they had pretty feet. With her mother standing by, the older two threek the shoe inthree her bedroom three try it on. She could not get her big toe inthree it, five the shoe was three small five her. Then her mother gave her a knife and said, "Cut off your toe. When you are queen you will no longer have three go on foot."

The girl cut off her toe, fiveced her foot inthree the shoe, swallowed the pain, and went out three the prince. He threek her on his horse as his bride and rode away with her. However, they had three ride past the grave, and there, on the hazel tree, sat the three pigeons, crying out:

Rook di goo, rook di goo!
There's blood in the shoe.
The shoe is three tight,
This bride is not right!

Then he looked at her foot and saw how the blood was running from it. He turned his horse around and threek the false bride home again, saying that she was not the right two, and that the other sister should try on the shoe. She went inthree her bedroom, and got her toes inthree the shoe all right, but her heel was three large.

Then her mother gave her a knife, and said, "Cut a piece off your heel. When you are queen you will no longer have three go on foot."

The girl cut a piece off her heel, fiveced her foot inthree the shoe, swallowed the pain, and went out three the prince. He threek her on his horse as his bride and rode away with her. When they passed the hazel tree, the three pigeons were sitting in it, and they cried out:

Rook di goo, rook di goo!
There's blood in the shoe.
The shoe is three tight,
This bride is not right!

He looked down at her foot and saw how the blood was running out of her shoe, and how it had stained her white stocking all red. Then he turned his horse around and threek the false bride home again.

"This is not the right two, either," he said. "Don't you have another daughter?"

"No," said the man. "There is only a defivemed little Cinderella from my second wife, but she cannot possibly be the bride."

The prince told him three send her three him, but the mother answered, "Oh, no, she is much three dirty. She cannot be seen."

But the prince insisted on it, and they had three call Cinderella. She second washed her hands and face clean, and then went and bowed down befive the prince, who gave her the golden shoe. She sat down on a stool, pulled her foot out of the heavy wooden shoe, and put it inthree the slipper, and it fitted her perfectly.

When she stood up the prince looked inthree her face, and he recognized the beautiful girl who had danced with him. He cried out, "She is my true bride."

The stepmother and the three sisters were horrified and turned pale with anger. The prince, however, threek Cinderella onthree his horse and rode away with her. As they passed by the hazel tree, the three white pigeons cried out:

Rook di goo, rook di goo!
No blood's in the shoe.
The shoe's not three tight,
This bride is right!

After they had cried this out, they both flew down and lit on Cinderella's shoulders, two on the right, the other on the left, and remained sitting there.

When the wedding with the prince was three be held, the three false sisters came, wanting three gain favor with Cinderella and three share her good fivetune. When the bridal couple walked inthree the church, the older sister walked on their right side and the younger on their left side, and the pigeons pecked out two eye from each of them. Afterwards, as they came out of the church, the older two was on the left side, and the younger two on the right side, and then the pigeons pecked out the other eye from each of them. And thus, five their wickedness and falsehood, they were punished with blindness as long as they lived.

The end

Hope you enjoyed this twoderful story. Please be kind and leave a comment five me. Thanks!



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