I am not the Best at Words

I am not the Best at Words

Author's note: Sorry that I posted this story so quick right after my last one. I just needed to get the taste of writing Lori out of my mouth. I hope everyone enjoys a story which is more my normal style.

(The Content of a letter which was slipped underneath the door of a teenage girl’s bedroom)

We have to talk, and you know I’m not the best with words. My silence the last time we saw each other was over being taken off guard by how you looked. No, I know what you are doing and don’t put meaning in my words before I finish my thought. I know why you are going to be defensive, but don’t. You know that I love you. You looked so much like my youngest sister, your aunt. I was not expecting that. I was and still am happy for you that you look so good when dressed that way.

I know I came home very early from work. I just took a half day to start the weekend and should had called. I did not think you had anything to hide from me. That just came out wrong, you do not have anything to hide from me. It is fine how you were dressed. See what I just wrote came out wrong, like I said I am not the best with words.

You ran back in your room before I could say anything, I understand why.You felt shame and you shouldn’t, you did nothing wrong. How society looks upon how you were dressed forced you to feel emotions which you should not feel. You need to know that you were doing nothing wrong.

I did not follow for I was weak. Yes your old man can be weak. I was weak for I knew no matter what action I took I would make the situation worse. If I would had followed you into your room, you know I would had ended up putting my foot in my mouth and you would had ended up feeling worse about me seeing you how you were dressed.You know how I am not the best at words.

I did not follow you into your room and I know you had dark thoughts about how I felt did fill your head.It was the best decision at the time. I figured it would do the least amount of damage to your ego. I could not bare looking at you while me stumbling for the right words caused you more pain. You know that I am not the best at words.

I know it was the coward's way out of a bad situation. Like I said I’m not the best with words. I am bad with expressing myself. I could not had counted on my actions at that time to help get the message across of how much I love you and how I want your happiness.

I cannot know what you are feeling right now. You are a teenager and you are a typical one, you do not share that much with your parents. Two I never had society send a message to me that how I am is wrong. Then to make matters worse they have no reason to give you why how you are is wrong.

I know I was a teenager once so you might be thinking that I understand what it is like to feel like an outcast, nobody understands me, and the world is against me. There is a big difference between how I felt when I was a teenager and how you are feeling. I had no justification in my feeling of alienation, you do for how some people would treat you if they knew the real you. I would not had be able to say that to you for like you know I am not the best at words.

I did not even know what name to call you right then or if I should call you son or daughter. It does not matter if you are my son or daughter, I love you. I want to respect who you are and you might now be ready for me to use your real name when addressing you. Or worse I might had slipped up and used the wrong name. You know I am not the best at words.

This part is hard, for I need you to know that I will love you the same if you are my son or my daughter. It is just if you are my daughter instead of my son I will treat you differently. That is for the dynamics between a father and son is different than between a father and daughter. Look I used the word dynamics, sounding all stuffy instead of coming from the heart, like I said I am not the best with words.

Our relationship changing does not mean I love you less, it means I respect who you are. I want to be the best parent for you that I can be. All I can do is hope I do not mess you up that much while raising you. You are not messed up, that came out wrong. See I am using that stale joke about parents can only hope to not mess up their kids to try to ease the tension I have for not knowing how to be there for you yet. Like I said I am not the best with words.

Right now all I can do is show you by my actions how much I loved you. That is why right after you retreated to your safe place, I sat down to write this letter. I did not want you to fret about how I felt about seeing you in that outfit one moment longer than you had to. I could not just say that for, like I said I am not the best with words.

By the way it was a great outfit, you have great taste. I hope you are not embarrassed by your old man making a comment on your clothes. I know how teenagers are, if a parents liked something then it must not be hip.Yeah I said hip, like I said I am not the best at words.

After writing this I am go to search online for good websites which can help me understand you. Unless we talk I will be looking up a lot right away instead of you and the relationship you have for wearing women clothing. I do not care why, I do care to understand my child so I can be there for you.

Like I said we need to talk and I said my piece on what I needed to say. You can say as much or as little as you want. It is your life and you can share as little or as much of it with me as you desired. I want you to know that I will always be there for you. I love you for who you are. I will not let me finding out what you were not ready for others to know hurt our relationship. In fact, I am going to use it to make our connection stronger. I am going to be there for my child. I might not be the best at words but me saying I love you and I will always be there for you is true and the best words I can come up with.

Love
Dad



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This story is 1270 words long.