Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Things aren't always as simple as they first appear though, and Alex's life is full of seen and unseen dangers waiting to drag her down into the depths that they lurk within.
And sometimes, the dangers are right in front of her face but she doesn't recognize it until it's too late...

Authors note: The inevitable next chapter! Wah!
Thanks for all of the comments and kudos on my last chapter! It's nice to know that you're all liking it and that I didn't make Alex too annoyingly excited.
I hope you all enjoy this chapter too ^_^ And as always, comments and kudos are appreciated!
I'm really enjoying writing this so the chapters have been coming up quite fast, but the next one might take a while.
Also, this story will end up being quite long, considering that we're still only on the first day :3 It might get split into two parts when a certain event occurs.

 

 

Mum had parked across the street from the school’s entrance, so once she’d checked in with the nurse we headed out that way. The weather was far worse than it’d been before and dark clouds were infesting the sky, making it seem like it was early in the afternoon instead of mid-morning. I shivered as a gust of wind cut through the buildings and looked at the pink scarf in my hands. Would it be okay to wrap my arms up in it? There was a lot of blood staining the bottom half of it…but…

‘Is that Jen’s?’ mum asked when she noticed me fiddling with the scarf.

‘Yep! She used it to stop my arm from bleeding,’ I looked hesitantly at her for a moment before continuing. ‘Umm…she said that I could keep it.’

Mum raised an eyebrow in amusement. ‘She does know that you’re a boy, right? I noticed she kept almost calling you a “she” before.’

‘W-well, she thought I was a girl at first.’ I rubbed my arms awkwardly and looked up at mum, whose lips twitched.

‘Yes, I can see why she’d make that mistake.’ she slowed down a bit as we entered the plaza and sighed. ‘When the nurse called me she kept referring to you as my daughter, and I thought for a moment that Ashley was the one who’d been hurt, not you. I didn’t bother corrected her. I’m so tired of having to tell people that you’re not my daughter.’

‘Oh,’ I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that so just smiled sadly. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s not your fault. You can’t help how you look. I…I know that.’ She looked at me strangely, like I was some strange new creature she’d just discovered, and I started to feel uncomfortable.

‘What?’ I asked with a nervous laugh.

She frowned up at the sky for a moment before brushing her brunette hair behind her ears and looking down at me. ‘This really isn’t the best place to talk, and I don’t think a café would be either. Would you be fine with us just going home? We could pick up some pizza on the way and eat it while we talk?’

I gasped as my stomach groaned excitedly, and a delighted grin lit up my face. Morning pizza! That was the best kind of pizza! Hee! I didn’t think this day could get any better but it just had! Ahh! W-

Oh. Wait. Dad was at home! Crap…

‘Umm…,’ my excitement faded and I grimaced. ‘I’d ra-’

‘Dad’s not home, don’t worry.’ Mum smiled slightly and I blushed guiltily. She read me way too well! ‘He’s gone out to meet with some old work friends, and is probably going to stay late drinking with them.’

‘Really?’ I was glad he wasn’t home, but it was surprising. ‘I thought he was going to spend the day looking online for work.’

‘So did I, but apparently he’d rather spend all of the money I’ve been saving up on beer and pub food for his friends. It’s…’ her lips tightened and she clenched her hands into fists, her eyes shining with anger. I fully expected her to go into an angry tirade about how awful dad was and prepared myself, but after a few seconds she let out a frustrated breath and relaxed her hands. ‘You know what? Let’s not talk about your father. It’s good that he’s not home. It means that we’ll actually be able to have some privacy for once, so it’s…fine.’

‘Mm!’ I beamed up at her as she ran a hand down my hair and then rubbed my back.

‘Why don’t we watch those anime movies you keep talking about? Mad…magiker something?’ she frowned and scratched her cheek. ‘Whatever it’s called. The one with the cute cat thing and the little girls who fight weird…witch stuff.’

I gasped and clutched her arm. I’d been trying to get her to watch anime with me for years! ‘The Madoka Magica movies? You’ll watch them with me? Really?’

‘Sure!’ We left the plaza and entered the rows of oak trees, which were shaking loudly from the ever-increasing wind. ‘You’re always asking me to watch them with you and now that I have the time then why not?’

‘All three of them?’ I asked hopefully. ‘And with subtitles? Because you have to watch them in subtitles to get the best experience!’

‘Maybe just one for now,’ she smiled wryly. ‘But sure, I don’t mind subtitles.’

I stared at her with wide, excited eyes. ‘Are you serious? Because you never want to watch anime with me! You think they’re too dark and weird a-’

‘Well, I’ve changed my mind,’ she wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me against her side. ‘So let’s go and eat some pizza, watch anime and relax for a while, hey? God knows we both need it.’

I squealed joyfully and dove into her stomach, not caring that some students were probably watching us. Mum was AWESOME!

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The next couple of hours were like a dream. A warm, hazy dream of a time long before dad lost his job and decided to make us all miserable with his presence. Mum bought a large pepperoni pizza covered in delicious cheese and then set us up in the living room, closing all of the doors and the window’s blinds. Then she wrapped me up in a thick pink blanket to protect me from the days’ awful cold, put on the movie and snuggled up next to me while we ate pizza. It was…perfect. Everything I’d been missing so painfully over the past six months.

Mum and I used to have movie nights together every Tuesday and Thursday, just the two of us. Ashley had basketball practice those nights, Jason wasn’t interested in movies that didn’t contain gigantic monsters and dad worked late back then, so it was just mum and I. She’d make us hot chocolate and we’d snuggle up under the pink blanket and watch whatever movie caught our eye, usually a fun animated one or a younger comedy. Ashley would join us during the school holidays and sometimes Jason would come out of his room if a particular movie caught his attention, but for the most part mum and I were by ourselves. It was our special bonding time and the best parts of my week. I’d never really had any friends, even when I was in primary school, and when Tom had started bullying me in year seven movie nights became the only happy moments of the week. They were a tiny boat of happiness atop of a sea of seething pain and misery.

And then dad got fired and ruined everything.

After losing his job he spent all of his time in the living room watching TV and refused to leave when mum and I wanted to watch a movie. So, we’d tried to watch some movies with him, but that didn’t end well. He didn’t like any of the movies we watched and made his distaste very clear, be it by snorting disdainfully at any emotional moments, making rude jokes about the women or mocking mum and I for liking such things. So we’d tried watching a movie he liked, a gross comedy full of toilet humour, drugs and alcohol, but not even Ashley had found it funny and we’d all left the room to let him watch it by himself. He’d gotten pissed off after that and banned movie night, saying that unless we could watch his stupid movies then nobody was going to watch anything.

So now Tuesday and Thursday nights were just like every other day, lonely and miserable. I stayed in my room or watched Jason play video games while mum went to bed early and Ashley played basketball. Dad was the only person who was in the living room, sitting in his armchair and watching his stupid comedies or replays of football matches, all the while shouting or laughing uproariously. Sometimes he even brought his awful drinking friends, who were just as loud and as unpleasant as he was. It was hell.

But he wasn’t here now! It was just mum and I, wrapped up in a blanket and eating pizza while watching an awesome movie in a dark room, just like it used to be. Just like it should be.

I’d seen the Madoka Magica movies so many times in the past that I could almost recite them line by line, so I found myself starting to drift off half-way through the first one. Mum seemed to be actually enjoying them though and didn’t talk too much, her eyes fixated on the cute magical girls fighting on the TV. I smiled and squashed myself up against her side, then slowly closed my eyes as she smiled back at me. She moved up a bit so I could get more comfortable and I made a happy squeaking sound as she rubbed my head. My arm and leg were still sore but the pain seemed so far away now, and I soon found myself floating off into a fluffy half-sleep.

I thought about being a waitress and squeaked, once again imagining myself dressed up in a maid’s uniform. I couldn’t believe that I was actually going to be working at a maid’s café! Sure, it wasn’t certain yet, but I couldn’t imagine mum saying no. I couldn’t even imagine dad saying no, considering how often he lectured me about men needing to be strong and responsible. Having a job was definitely responsible! It seemed impossible that I wouldn’t be able to work there. With Jen…

A warm feeling squeezed at my heart and I felt myself blush. Jen was unlike anyone I’d ever met before. In one day she’d changed my future from a dark, dreary place into one full of hope and happiness. And more than that, she’d saved me from Tom and…I think she was my friend. We had to be friends now, right?

She was my first friend! Hee….

I think she also tried to kiss me…

That was…kind of strange. Maybe…

Maybe not…

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‘Alex? Are you awake?’ I felt mum rub my head and squeaked tiredly. ‘I’d like for us to talk for a moment.’

‘Muh? Nuh?’ I cracked open my eyes and squinted up at her. ‘Talk?’

‘Yes. Before it gets too late and Jason and Ashley come home,’ she smiled sadly and put her hands under my shoulders, then gently lifted me up onto my knees. A small stab of pain ran through my injured leg but it quickly faded. ‘I know you’re tired but you can sleep after we’re done, okay? I just…need to get this out of the way now.’

‘Owh,’ I blinked tiredly and then rubbed my eyes. I looked at the TV and saw that the end credits for the second movie were playing. ‘Oh…did you like them? The movies?’

‘I did, actually.’ She said as she turned herself around so that we were facing each other on the couch. ‘Much more than I thought I would. They were really interesting.’

‘Can we watch the third one? It’s my favourite!’

‘Maybe.’ She brushed my hair behind my ears and patted me on the head. ‘I want to talk first.’

I stifled a yawn and rubbed the last of the sleep from my eyes. ‘About what?’

She licked her lips and sat straighter on the couch. ‘Well…I need to ask you some…personal questions. Is that okay?’

‘Okay…’ I scratched the back of my head and nodded slowly.

She smiled tightly. ‘Thank-you. Right…so…’

‘What?’ I asked quietly when she trailed off.

‘Sorry! I just…’ she sighed and adjusted her position on the couch slightly then looked down at me with a slightly pained expression. ‘I need to ask, have you noticed anything strange happening to your body?’

‘Huh?’ I tilted my head to the side. ‘Strange how?’

‘Like…,’ she looked down at her lap and then back up at me. ‘Have you noticed that your hips have become wider? And your skin smoother, and softer?’

…

…

Oh no…oh no…

The bottom dropped out of my stomach and I froze. She’d noticed. She’d noticed! Of course she had! If Ashley had then mum definitely had as well. Oh god! Did she know I was on hormones? No, no, if she did then she’d have asked me that right away. Right? She wouldn’t ju-

‘Alex?’ she asked softly and I flinched, fixing my eyes firmly on my lap. ‘I’m not trying to embarrass you sweetheart. I’ve just noticed over the past couple of months that your body’s become more…uh…l-’

‘Like a girls.’ I finished shakily, for some reason terrified of hearing her say it out loud.

‘Yes! You’ve noticed?’

I looked shyly up at her. ‘A-a little bit…’

‘How long have you noticed the changes?’

‘I don’t….I don’t know. A few months?’ I shrugged weakly.

‘I’ve noticed them for a while now,’ she bit her bottom lip and looked down to the side for a moment. ‘I wasn’t sure at first, and I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t had much time to really think about them, but…your chest,’ she gestured at it with a shaky hand. ‘For the past month now I’ve noticed that it seems to be…growing an-’

‘Wh-wha? Wh?’ I spluttered nervously and felt a cold chill run down my spine. ‘Huh?’

‘Do you…have breasts?’

The world shook around me and a horrible ringing sound appeared in my ears as my stomach clenched painfully. How the…how the hell had she…what? She’d noticed? But I’d been so careful! How?!

‘Don’t be embarrassed!’ She put her hands on my shoulders and smiled comfortingly, but her lips shook slightly. ‘W-’

‘Why are you asking me these things?’ my breathing was becoming heavier and my mind was spinning with the fear of what was about to happen.

‘Because I’m scared that there’s something wrong with your body,’ she squeezed my shoulders and then patted my hair in what was usually a comforting way, but it just sent cold shivers down my back. ‘You’re not developing like Jason, you’re developing like…well, like I did when I was your age.’

Despite my fear a delighted thrill ran through me at that, but I made sure it didn’t show on my face. I was growing up like mum was? That was what I’d always wanted, ever since I was a child. To be like her…

‘I noticed about five months ago that your skin was becoming softer,’ she continued and leant back a bit, finally stopping her patting of my head. ‘But I was too busy dealing with your father and working longer hours to really pay it any attention. And then your hips started to widen and your face got prettier and I should have done something then but, I thought that it was just a….I don’t know, a weird quirk of puberty or something and your body would figure itself out eventually, but…it didn’t.’ She swallowed and dragged her fingers through her hair, messing it up a bit. ‘Like I said, I noticed your chest getting just a little bit bigger throughout the last two months. I don’t think even you noticed until recently, because your chest suddenly became flatter last month and the lumps disappeared. Have you been hiding them?’

I nodded slightly, feeling sick. I knew she was perceptive but this was…horrible…

‘So…you are…developing breasts then?’

I swallowed and shrugged. ‘I…I don’t now…’

‘Then…Alex.’ She looked at me and sighed heavily. ‘I need to see your chest.’

‘W-what? No!’ I hugged myself and slid away from her. ‘It’s fine! You don’t need to see it!’

‘I do,’ she said with a pained expression. ‘It’s not normal for boys to develop breasts. Obviously. You could have some kind of skin disease, or the lumps could be cancerous growths o-’

‘C-cancerous growths?’ my eyes bulged and I shook slightly. ‘Really?’

‘It’s possible. I’m going to take you to see a doctor, but I wa-’
‘A doctor?’ I squeaked in horror. There was no way I could hide the fact that I was taking hormones from a doctor!

‘Yes. I’ve made an appointment with a specialist for next week, but I wanted to talk to you beforehand, and check your body myself,’ she smiled comfortingly. ‘I thought that it’d be easier like this, so you might not have to undress in front a stranger.’

‘I don’t want to undress in front of anyone!’

‘I know sweetheart, but there’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about,’ she put a hand on my cheek. ‘Your body is just…well…things like this happen sometimes, and it’s okay. Things go wrong with people’s bodies and it’s not bad. I’m not going to laugh at your and neither will the doctor. I just want to make sure that you’re okay. I’m really worried about you, Alex. This is serious.’

I stared at her and suddenly felt the urge to burst out laughing. This was insane! She knew that my body was changing, something I’d been absolutely terrified of for months, but she didn’t know that it was my fault! I’d never expected this. I was sure that once she noticed the changes in my body she’d figure out what was going on, but she hadn’t. She thought that I was ashamed of the changes, and probably thought that I hated them when it was the exact opposite.

Should I tell her the truth? If she really was going to take me to see a doctor then she’d know what I was doing soon enough, and be even angrier at me for lying. I could tell her, right now, and…

And what? Ruin my life prematurely? There was no way she’d let me stay on hormones. She might be understanding and sympathetic, but she wasn’t going to break the law for me. She’d still take me to see a doctor and I’d have to see psychiatrists and put on waiting lists and it’d probably be years until I was able to legally take hormones, if at all. And dad was going to find out and he’d be furious. He would never let me start hormones!

So no. I couldn’t tell her.

But…she was going to find out anyway! So why not just tell her now? She’d appreciate it if I was honest instead of being forced to tell the truth later.

She was going to be so angry though...

‘Alex.’ Mum softly squeezed my cheek. ‘Do you understand? Will you take your shirt off for me?’

Crap! Crap! Shit! Taking off my shirt couldn’t hurt, right? She already knew what my body was like so there was no point in hiding it, and I was kind of scared now that she’d mentioned cancerous lumps. Having her look at them shouldn’t hurt. And it’d give me more time to think about whether or not to tell the truth.

‘Okay!’ I jerkily grabbed the end of my shirt and looked at her. ‘Umm…a-are you sure.?’

‘Yes.’ She nodded and I grimaced.

Okay. Alright. Okay!

I turned my back to her and attempted to throw my shirt off in one huge gesture, but it got stuck on my head and I yelped in surprise, then struggled with it for a moment before throwing the stupid thing against the wall and growling.

‘Ugh. Umm…’ I hugged my chest and started shaking nervously as I felt mum’s eyes on my back. Was I seriously going to do this? I’d been trying to hide my body for so long, and now I was just going to show it to her? This didn’t feel real…

‘It’s okay sweetheart,’ Mum said softly. ‘Turn around. Let me see.’

…

‘O-okay.’ I covered my breasts and slowly turned around, shaking even worse. I felt slightly lightheaded and winced as mum’s eyes widened when she saw the hourglass shape of my body.

‘Oh…’ she breathed and ran her hands through her hair, letting it fall messily over her face. Then she gently grabbed my arms and after a moments resistance I let her pull them away from my chest so she could see my breasts. Small, nearly tennis-ball sized lumps that I’d been trying to hide from everyone ever since they first started growing. I hadn’t done a very good job.

And to my horror, mum gasped when she saw them and looked sharply up at me.

‘What’s wrong? Is it bad?’ Fear clutched at me and started shaking so badly that pain ran through my sore knee. ‘Are they cancerous lumps?’
‘I don’t…know’ she swallowed and looked back down at them with huge eyes. ‘They look like normal breasts to me. But…Alex…shit…’

‘What?’ I couldn’t stand it anymore and covered up my chest again, my face burning.

‘It’s just…I didn’t think…you look just like a girl…small and slender and…and not what…this isn’t…this isn’t…’ She slowly got off the couch and let out a haggard laugh. ‘Oh fuck! I knew I’d missed something but I’d hoped…no, no…I was so wrong…’

‘M-mum?’

She grabbed my shoulders in a painfully tight grip and when I flinched backwards she held me steady. Her eyes were full of a burning rage that I’d never seen before and tears started streaming down my face as I shook violently.

Oh no.

‘I’m going to ask you a question, Alex,’ she said coldly. ‘And I need you to tell me the truth. I’ll know if you lie to me. I always know when you lie to me. So don’t lie to me!’

Oh god. Oh fuck! What had I done? She knew! She’d trick-

‘Are you taking your sisters birth control pills?’