Alexa Chapter 19: Past, Present and Future

Alexa Chapter 19: Past, Present and Future

Our trip to Florida was now a distant memory. The relaxation we had achieved on that little trip to try and gain some sanity in our lives, sometimes didn’t feel like it really happened. And other than our little stay at home spring break where new friends were made, Jenny and my lives seemed to be pulled in a million different directions. Whether it be school, my counseling or our families, something always seemed to demand our time. But for all the craziness, there was always one thing that Jenny and I could count on, each other. Our love for one another continued to grow. That’s not to say we were blinded by each other but we knew the other would be there for us always. However, I tried like hell at one point to really mess that up.

During our Florida sojourn, I had become more convinced I needed to begin to make a change in how I presented myself. To put it bluntly, I was sick of the damn breast forms. I had decided at Christmas that Alex was no longer the path I wanted for my life and I have spent every day trying to achieve that goal. And I had, for the most part. The breast forms had become a symbol that while my mind had changed, my body had not. I had talked with Debbie about this in the past but I felt it was time to make the move. After my first session with Debbie following our return from Florida, I sat Jenny down to talk with her about it. As had been the case with almost everything I had stated, Jenny said she would support me. But she did put out a caveat. “Listen to Debbie. She will know if it is the right time.” Jenny told me. “I don’t want you doing something stupid. She is the expert here, not you. Listen to her. Will you promise me that?” Jenny urged me again and I agreed. The next few times I met with Debbie I continued to express my feelings to Debs. But each time, she said she still wanted to make sure I was ready. Each time I came back from my appointment, Jenny asked me if Debbie had given me the prescription and each time, with sadness in my voice, I told her no. Each time I could see Jenny begin to get concerned about how I was acting and continued to repeat the mantra of listening to Debbie and not to do anything stupid. We both had read articles of people self-medicating and I knew that was not the way I wanted to go and it wasn’t as if I was going to run out and get a boob job without a doctor’s approval.

I continued to tell Debbie about wanting to begin HRT. And while for the most part she agreed with me, she urged me to make sure. She was always explaining about the changes it would make in my life and that this was a big step for me. At one of our appointments she willingly set me up for an appointment with an endocrinologist to review my chemical makeup. “But before I am willing to agree that you are ready to begin HRT, you need to come to terms with all of this, including Jenny.”

“What do you mean Jenny? She says that she is behind me 100 percent.” I was confused by Debbie’s comment.

Debbie looked at me a made a pronouncement that really put me in a spin. “I am not talking about what Jenny’s thoughts are, I am talking about yours. Basically, since the day you walked in the door, there have been three people you have wanted to accept you as a woman. The first is your father. Unfortunately, due to his own stupidity, that is not going to happen. The second was Jenny. You wanted her love as you moved along in your journey and she has given you that tenfold. But there is one last person you have needed the approval of and all that will need to happen before you begin this next journey. Do you know who that is?” I shook my head. “You need to accept that you are Alexa and not Alex.”

‘What are you talking about Deb? I am Alexa. Alex ceased to exist at Christmas. I have lived and, what little I was able to, worked as Alexa. The only time I have had to be Alex was when I got on the airplane.”

“What about when you are intimate with Jenny? Does Alex not exist there? Isn’t that the one place that you have had concerns over as you move forward?” Dr. Burke shot back. I was stumped. She had me. That has been the one thing that has sat there like an albatross around my neck. I had always begin scared that as things changed, Jenny’s feelings for me would change. No matter how many times she convinced me that nothing would change, she would always love me. But there was still part of me that wouldn’t be convinced of that. I would always have this feeling that I had taken something away from her. I think my non-reply to that questioning gave Debbie everything she needed to hold off on prescribing me the Estrogen I had been hoping to begin. “Alexa, you have come a long way, but you must make peace with this notion that you would not be taking away something from Jenny. I would still like you to see the endocrinologist, but for the time being I am going to hold off on the prescription. Can you understand that?”

“Yes, I understand Debbie.” I said that just to keep her believing I did, but in actuality I was lying. I didn’t believe that was any reason to not start HRT. I was ready. I wanted to move on and live my life more as a woman and I had ways of doing that. I thank Debbie and finished up the rest of our sessions. As soon as it was over I raced home to begin my research. If Debbie was not going to allow me to begin what I felt I needed, I was going to take matters into my own hands. As I walked in the door, I opened my laptop and began researching the one thing I knew would help me feel better, breast implants. I searched the various plastic surgeons in the Twin Cities who performed such procedures. As I was looking at these various sites, Jenny came home. She walked over to the couch and gave me a kiss.

‘Hey babe. How was Debbie today?” Jenny asked. I grumbled some sort of response that she was fine. I was concentrating on the plastic surgeons. “Did she prescribe the hormones?” Jenny asked. I told her no and that I didn’t need her anyway. Jenny was confused “What are you talking about? You definitely need her.”

“No I don’t, I am taking matters into my own hands.” I state as I hand the laptop over to Jenny with a smug look on my face. Jenny looked at the computer and started to get upset.

“This is your solution? Breast Implants? Your doctor, who has been there for you through everything thinks you’re not ready so you are going to go out and buy some breasts? Why did she say you weren’t ready?” I told her I didn’t want to talk about it, but Jenny just pressed. I kept trying to avoid the issue until I finally caved, and it did not come out well.

‘Fine. Debbie says I haven’t come to terms with you yet!” Jenny asked what Debs meant by that. “She says that I still haven’t gotten over the feelings that I will be taking something away from you, and she may be right. See this way I won’t have to worry about that.” Jenny just looked at me. Rather than the sympathy and understanding she usually displays in these moments, she begins to get upset.

“After all the times I have told you it doesn’t matter to me if your dick works or not, that I just want you to be happy. After all of that you still feel, and your doctor confirms the thought, you will be taking something from me! When are you going to get it that you are not taking anything from me! You would rather piss away a bunch of money and ignore your doctor and butcher yourself! I don’t get it.” I don’t think I have ever seen her that mad and she stormed off to our room. I started grumbling more as I retrieved my laptop and began looking again.

“I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want!” I say to myself, but as I keep looking at the various sites, one word that Jenny said keeps coming back to me. Butcher. And that is exactly what I was going to do I realized. I had always thought that I would take the Estrogen and allow nature to run its course. I had never been a fan of fake breasts. I remember the one time I got hauled to a strip joint by my friends and I couldn’t stand the fake breasts. They looked like plastic. I even remember my old roommate, Wyatt telling me about one dancer he had seen whose breasts were like rocks they were so hard. The thought of something like that on my chest really started to get to me. It wasn’t like I was going to go out and get some porn star tits, but the thought that they weren’t real started to get to me. I put down the laptop and began to think about it. Jenny was right, I would be harming myself if I did something like this. I had to go apologize. And unlike our other roommate, I had no problem telling Jenny she was right. I walked back to the bedroom door and knocked.

“What do you want Alexa?” Came from the other side of the door. It didn’t sound like the Jenny that had been my constant companion over the last few months. This sounded like the Jenny I met back the first week of freshman year. I knew right at that moment I had really screwed up.

‘Can I come in?” I asked meekly through the door. I had never felt so low as I had at the very moment. She told me I could come in and I humbly entered the room. Jenny had a suitcase on the bed and was stuffing clothes into it. ‘Where are you going?” I ask. Panic was taking over my body. I had really fucked up this time.

‘I’m going to my parents for a few days. I think you need to figure out what you want and having me around isn’t going to help.” Jenny told me as she shoved a couple of skirts into the suitcase. I ran over to her and pleaded with her to stop. ‘Why should I? So, I can watch you sit around here and not believe what I say and watch you plan your mutilation? No thank you!” Jenny said as she stormed out the door, only to return a few seconds later with a few tops.

“Jenny stop, please! You are right! I am not going to go through with the surgery! I do believe you, it’s just, that there is more to it than that, I think” I state as I slump down on the bed. Jenny stops and looks at me. I think she knows I am serious and not just trying to get her to stay. She sits down on the bed next me and I collapse into her. At first, she doesn’t do anything, but as I continue to use her as a human Kleenex, she places an arm around me. After a few minutes, she finally asks what the problem is. I look up at her through my tear strained eyes. ‘I won’t be able to give you a baby.” I tell her and then collapse back into her. I then feel her second arm wrap around me.

“Is that what is really bothering you?” she asks. I just nod my head. She continues to hold me as I try to gain some sort of control. After a second or two, I finally do and lean back and look at her.

“Jen, I do not doubt your love for me and I hope you never doubt my love for you. And I know we have talked about the, um, changes that I will go through and you say it doesn’t matter. It’s just I keep have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I am taking something away from you. And after seeing how you were with Abby at Disney World, I can’t help but feel like I will be taking even more away from you if I start HRT. You were wonderful with that little girl. And that is something I won’t be able to give you and that, that..” I can’t go on and break down once again. Jenny still says nothing but just holds me for a moment. Finally, she says something.

“You know there are ways we can make sure that we can at least have that in our lives you know.” Jenny says to me. I look up at her perplexed, which has seemed to become my default position when we talk about these things. “We could collect some, um, how do I say this without sounding like a doctor. We could save some, you know, stuff and freeze it for the future.” I look at her again like she is telling me the sky is green. Then it dawns on me.

“You mean collect sperm and freeze it?” I ask. She smiles at me and nods as I try and wrap my head around her comment. “Um, how would that work? I mean how do we, ah, um, collect it?”

Jenny breaks out into uproarious laughter. She looks at me with a huge grin on her face. “That’s it!” she says trying not to contain her laughter. “Next time I take you to get your hair done we are getting it bleached! I can’t believe you just said that!” She says still laughing as I try and play catch up. “I know you were a teenage boy at one time. We would just have to do THAT in a more clinical setting where they would collect your sperm in a cup or something and then freeze it! What did you think? Did you think that they would hook you up to a milking machine like a cow?” Embarrassed I look away before Jenny takes my head in her hands and forces me to look up. She sees the look in my eyes and suddenly the sympathy that I had wanted earlier appears. “Aww, I’m sorry babe. I thought you knew how it worked? I didn’t mean to make fun of you.” She kisses me on the forehead and then begins moving down my face before settling at my lips where she gives me a long tender kiss. “I’m sorry babe, please forgive me.” How can I not forgive her? She is my world.

But I still have those nagging doubts. “Jen, I still don’t think you realize what I mean in some of this. Yes, that is something we will look into but it is the other part that still gets to me, you know? I mean I can see how much you enjoy it when we, um, make love that I feel like I would take away from you if I do this. You can’t blame me for being concerned that you will miss that.” I state as I try and get all my fears out in the open. I realize that this is probably, no it is, the biggest decision I will make up to this point in my life. Jenny just smiles at me again.

“Will it be different? Sure, it will be different. But what you have failed to understand all along is that it is not the physical act that makes our love making so wonderful, it is the person I am with.” Jenny tells me. “Alexa I. LOVE. YOU! That we can share that love together in such an intimate way is what makes it so wonderful. We will figure it out, we have on everything else in our lives, haven’t we? I don’t care what you have down there. It is you I want to be with. Always. You are the greatest thing that has ever or will ever happen to me. I can’t imagine being without you. So, if we have to make some changes, so what! It is you that I love, not that thing down there.” She says pointing at my lower areas. She gives me another kiss and then backs away slowly. “I love you Alexa Marie Quinn. Whatever happens, we will make it work, OK?” I nod and tell her once again I love her. We slowly begin another long kissing session trying to share the tenderness Jenny has been displaying to me. However, our moment is soon interrupted by the voice of Katie in the other room.

“Alexa! Get your ass out here right now! You too Jenny! What the hell is this shit on your computer!” Katie screams. Being around Katie for so long I know the difference between her being mad and her being pissed. Jenny and I slowly get off the bed and make our way out to the living room where we find Katie sitting on the couch just staring in our direction. She reaches down and spins the computer towards me. ‘What the hell is this?” Katie asks me. I can see the fire in her eyes, a fire I have seen only a few times ever. “Are you thinking of fucking with your body? This is not right Alexa. I thought you were smarter than this! Having some quack hack away at you just because you want tits! I can’t believe this!”

I quickly take a seat next to Katie on the couch and try to explain everything to her. How I have been getting anxious ever since Florida and also, I begin telling her my fears about Jenny. Jenny comes over and sits next to me. She takes my hand in hers as I continue to try and explain everything to Katie. Katie at first seems skeptical as to what I am saying but soon those fears are allayed. Katie turns and pulls me in to a big hug. “Thank god you are coming to your senses. I am sure it’s hard and when you start going through this it will be even harder. But you’ got us Alexa. You have blondie over there who loves you more than anything and you have me. I love my little sister and I don’t want to see her going and doing something stupid. I have to watch out for you and make sure you are doing this right, OK?” Katie says and then kisses me on the cheek. The peace seems to have been made between Jenny and I, but I can see she is still keeping an eye on me. I did keep my appointment with the endocrinologist and hoped that soon I would begin the journey I was longing for.

My issues over my body were still present, but that wasn’t the only issue I was having to deal with. Right after we got back from Florida, Jenny’s father called and asked if we wanted to meet him for dinner. Jenny told him of course we would and it was decide to meet at Rosato’s. Marty was actually excited, as he admitted to his daughter that he had not been there for a long time. Jenny and I got organized and quickly made our way to the restaurant. We were the first to arrive and as usual, Paul greeted us in his usual manner. ‘Jenny, Alexa how good to see you two! Table for two tonight?”

“Three tonight Paul, my dad is joining us.” Jenny told the owner.

“About time that bum showed up! He hasn’t been here in months!” Paul exclaimed. Just as he was saying that, Marty came walking in.

“What did you call me you old Dago reprobate?” Marty said as the two shook hands and exchanged a manly hug. “Good to see you Paul. See your mother is still feeding you.” Marty said as he patted his friend on his prodigious stomach.

“You skinny little WASP. You could use some of this good food. How have you been? I heard about Marilyn. Hope it is going OK.” Paul said as he showed his concern for his friend’s wife.

“About as well as can be expected, from what they are telling me.” Marty said as he turned his attention to me and Jenny. “Hi Jenny” he said as he gave his daughter a hug. ‘Hello Alexa” he said to me as he broke the hug. The smile on his face was very genuine and caring. I could see he wanted to say more but didn’t know how to go about it.

Paul led us to a table and handed each of us a menu. He reached over grabbed the ever-present bottle of Chianti and poured us each a glass. “Marie has the night off girls so you won’t be able to harass her tonight. Gina will be serving you tonight. I will send her over in a few minutes.” Paul states as he headed back towards the kitchen. The three of us got settled in and began looking over the menu. Marty was the first to speak.

‘It seems like you two have adopted this place. I haven’t been here in a while. It still feels like coming home.” Marty said as he perused the menu. As happy as Marty seemed, you could see something was on his mind. Jenny and I exchanged glances trying to figure out when to jump in and ask him about Jenny’s mother. Before we could say anything, Gina, our waitress for the evening, appeared to take our order. Jenny and I were both still debating and finally decided to split an order of Ravioli. Marty ordered up the Linguine and Clams and Gina moved off to place our orders. Before Jenny could say anything, her father spoke up again. “Well I see you still aren’t eating much and now you have Alexa doing the same.” Marty said as he gently teased his daughter.

“Oh, be quiet Daddy! We have to watch our figures, besides if we each ordered we could feed the two of us for a week!” Jenny said as she brushed aside her father’s concerns before getting on with what she really wanted to ask. ‘Have you talked with mother yet?”

Marty let out a sigh. “Not yet. They won’t let me for a few weeks. It’s a 60-day program and the first month there is no contact. But I have been getting some reports from her doctor. He says it’s going fine, but I feel like I am getting mixed signals. It’s tough baby. I am still not happy with her but that doesn’t mean I don’t want her to get better.” The sadness Marty was showing got to me and I had to turn away for a moment. Since that night at their house, Marty had been very nice, but stressed. He snorted a bit before speaking again. ‘Enough about that for a while, I hear the two of you took a little trip?” Marty stated being a typical male and avoiding the real issue at hand. I stopped for a second, realizing what I had just thought. I must have had an odd look on my face as I sat there because I could see Jenny look at me with the same look she gives me when I do something strange. Luckily our dinner arrived. We did however continue on the conversation with Marty about our Florida trip.

“You must have spoken to your mother then Marty. It was a fun trip. It was all Jenny’s idea to get out of town.” I said.

“I could see from the Visa bills.” Marty joked. Both Jenny and I blushed. Jenny spoke up next.

‘Your just lucky Lex was with Daddy. I bet she saved you a couple of thousand dollars.” She stated, before turning to me and saying, “the little spoilsport” and sticking her tongue out at me which I promptly returned. Marty laughed. I filled him in on how she wanted to buy $5000 Mickey Mouse earrings and I thought it was crazy and that we would get in trouble from him. Marty continued his laughter.

‘Well thank you for being the voice of reason Alexa. Someone has to keep her in line. So how was the trip?” For the next few minutes we filled him in on our little adventure at the Magic Kingdom and our drive down to Mary’s house. I commented on what a beautiful place it was.

‘It is a beautiful place. I love going down there. One reason I have been getting involved in the citrus business so much.” Marty chuckled. “I do need to ask you two to tell me what exactly happened at the club with Kevin Boyle?” I nearly chocked on my ravioli. Jenny’s eyes went wide. We looked at each other for a second before Jenny began telling the tale of our encounters with Carol Boyle and then how Mary had stepped in when she heard the woman’s comments. I added a bit, explaining how Mary already had the court order with her. Marty just shook his head as we went on. “I wish she wouldn’t do that. I can understand her getting rid of the guy for the house and her personal accounts, but I really wish she would talk with me or Bridget about the other things. Did she do anything else while you two were down there?” A forlorn Marty asked. I started giggling as I thought about the car ride. Jenny looked at me and I just whispered Friday which got Jenny giggling. Marty just stared at us. “What?” he asked. Jenny and I began telling the other to speak. Finally I relented and spoke up.

“When we went to dinner Friday night, um, Mary drove our rental car.” I said.

“Oh god!” Marty exclaimed. “Did she hit anything?” He asked as his head hit his hands.

We both laughed. Jenny answered her father. ‘No she didn’t, but I did get a little nervous when she squealed out of the drive way!” Marty just groaned. I added in my two cents.

“Jenny was so nervous I thought she was going to break my hand!” I told Marty, which earned me an evil glare from Jenny before she began laughing. Marty broke in, all serious

“She is not to be driving. She cracked up her car about three years ago, drove it into the gate. It was then we decided she had to stop driving, thus the Rolls. It was a peace offering. Do not get sucked in you two. Do you hear me?” Marty advised. And while he sounded all serious, the smile on his face belied his feelings. “I swear that woman will be the death of me.” He sighed. Jenny and I giggled and tried to comfort him. He looked at us and warned us again. We just smiled and promised we would, knowing full well we probably wouldn’t

Following the meal and coffee, we made our way out. Marty stopped and spoke with Paul again and promised it wouldn’t be as long between visits. The three of us moved out to the parking lot, where Jenny and Marty exchanged a hug good bye. Surprisingly, Marty came walking right up to me. “Alexa I want to thank you again for taking care of Jenny. Knowing you were with her made me feel a lot better.” And then he leaned over and gave me a hug! I looked over and could see Jenny tear up. I returned the hug and could feel myself begin to tear up a bit. As he broke the hug, I could see he felt a bit embarrassed. ‘I’m sorry Alexa, but you have made Jenny so happy I felt I needed to do that.”

I smiled at my girlfriend’s father. “No need to thank me or feel bad. I love your daughter. And thanks for trusting me.” I stood on my toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek which made him blush even more. Jenny was tearing up even more. She came over and hugged her father again. “You two take care of each other. I am still trying to understand everything, but I can’t deny the love you two share. And one last thing.” Marty paused for effect as we looked at him. “Don’t let Grandma talk you into anything crazy.” Marty flashed us a smile and headed off. Jenny and I just hung on each other and waved goodbye to Marty as he pulled away. Jenny reached up and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“See. I told you he would come around.” Jenny said smiling at me. Once again the love that came from her eyes melted me.

“How did I get so lucky?” I say as I turned to her and took her in my arms.

“I’m the lucky one” Jenny said. I tried to start an argument right there over who was luckier. We both just started giggling and made our way back to Jenny’s car and headed back to the apartment, where our ‘argument’ continued late into the night. The ‘argument’ made the next morning a little tough but worth the yawns.

But Marty wasn’t the only family fun we had to deal with. My father’s estate had finally been settled. My mother wanted all three of us children at the lawyer’s office to witness all the paperwork and agree to all the terms. This was not something I was looking forward to. This would be my first time around Adam since the funeral and it was a prospect that frightened me. In one of the weird twists in life, Danny showed me his support. “Don’t worry about Adam OK? Ma will be there and I will be there. He knows I am seeing Katie and he knows how close you and her are. We got your back.” As these words came out of my brother’s mouth I thought I was going to faint. Here was my meathead brother Danny protecting me again. Was Katie on his case? Was mom? Or was he doing this all on his own? Whatever it was, I was thankful that I had his support. I tried to give a him a quick hug but was quickly pushed away. “Knock it off Alexa!” He told me, but I didn’t, and eventually I got him. This time Katie found us.

“Oh this is just so precious, brother and sister sharing a special moment.” I laughed but Danny started to blush. The Danny of old would have told Katie to be quiet or something along those lines, but not now. I could see a little grin on his face as he looked at Katie and I could see one on hers. Was this getting even more serious? It took a moment for the two to break eye contact with each other and get back to the normal conversation.

“So what is the plan for Friday?” I ask. Danny goes on to explain how after we have the reading, mom wants to take all of us out to dinner at Lefty’s. “All of us? As in just us three and her?” Danny tells me all the girlfriends are included. I look over at Katie “Are you going?”

“Of course. One, do you think I am going to miss a free meal and two do you think I am going to miss a chance to give Bethany Johnson shit?” Katie tells me which causes both Danny and I to laugh.

“Those two are perfect for each other, asshole and a bitch.” I state which causes Danny to give me a bit of a lecture about being nice to Adam. I started mocking him, using my hands like a puppet, telling him he was just yapping on. It was then he called me a little brat. I wanted to giggle and fought it hard. Katie was laughing away. I knew I had to get back at him. “I’m telling mom you called me a brat!” Katie and I both lost it.

“You are a brat Alexa.” Danny told me. Just as he said it, Jenny walked in the apartment. Danny turned and pointed at her and said, “and it’s all her fault.” Jenny looked around and saw Danny calling me names and Katie and I laughing our heads off. A confused Jenny asked what was going on. Danny spoke up “Your girlfriend’s a brat and it’s all your fault.” Jenny broke out into laughter and came and hugged me and gave me a kiss.

“You’re damn right Danny, and I love her for it!” Jenny told my brother and gave me another kiss. Danny threw his hands up in the air.

“You three are nuts!” He said “I am never going to win around here am I?” To which the three of us answered in unison “Nope” Danny plopped down in the living room chair. Katie went over and took pity on her boyfriend, but Jenny and I couldn’t stop laughing. A bit later we did begin going over the plans for our upcoming night. Jenny, Katie and I would head down Friday afternoon and Danny would pick me up at Katie mom’s house then we would all meet at Lefty’s. The three of us girls also decided we were going to dress to the nines that night. As Katie said ‘Look out Faribault! Here we come!” Jenny and I cheered on. Faribault did not know what was going to hit them.

Friday came and before I could make my way down to Faribault, I had my meeting with Debbie. It was an interesting meeting, as I told her all about the argument Jenny and I had and the resolution we had. I told her the real truth behind my fears. Debbie looked at me in a bit of shock. “A child? That’s what this was all about? You know there are ways to take care of that, don’t you?” Debbie asked. I looked down, embarrassed.

“I didn’t think of that solution before.” I admit. “Jenny actually teased me about that. But now I know that we can have our own children. I feel I have made peace with it all.” I said to my counselor, hoping that this would be a final step and Debbie would write the prescription, However I don’t think it was in the cards.

“I am concerned that you thought about having surgery. I need to review a few things. We are so close Alexa but I still want to be sure in this. We will meet again Monday and talk about it. But let’s talk about today. Are you ready to be with Adam for such a long period?” I told her I was and told her I had an ally, Danny. She was surprised, but not completely shocked. When she asked if it was pressure from Katie. I looked at her for a moment trying to decide what it was. It hit me.

“I think it is all him. It has been weird. He has been really nice to me, but not like out of character. I feel like he just accepted it. Maybe mom and Katie have been on him, but he has been really sweet. He even jokes with Jenny and he has gotten more comfortable with the two of us.” Debbie smiled and continued to move through my relationships with my mother and Katie. Finally she makes it back to me.

“Alexa, I will say I am very proud of how far you have come in all these relationships. It’s been a tough road, but it’s not over. There will be many more challenges ahead of you. Are you ready?” Deb asks me in as serious of a tone as I have ever heard. I swallow hard before I answer.

“I am ready Deb. I feel have been ready for some time. I know it will be tough but I have got family and friends. Plus I have an ace up my sleeve. I have Jen. She gives me more support than anyone in the world.” I state with a confident smile on my face. Debbie just nods at my pronouncement. However as much as I was hoping for the Estrogen to finally be prescribed, I watch Debbie sit back. I think she sees the disappointment on my face over her action.

“Alexa, there is nothing to worry about right now. I need some time yet to be sure you are ready. Plus, you have some major things to do this weekend. We will meet again on Monday and talk some more.” My disappointment must have really shown through. As I was preparing to leave, Deb stopped me before I walked out. She took me by the shoulders and looked me in the eye. “You are so close Alexa. Don’t let this get to you. Take care of these things back home OK?” I just look down and nod. Then Deb does something that floors me. She lets go of my shoulders and gives me a deep hug. “It will all work out. Now get out of here.” Deb says with a her usual casualness that makes me feel a bit better. I head home where once again I have to tell Jenny that I did not receive the prescription. She didn’t seem upset, but I would catch her just looking at me like I was going to do something. It was an odd feeling.

While we were waiting for Katie to get back from class I had changed into a dress of Jenny’s. It was a Black maxi dress with an A-line skirt. The dress had three-quarter length sleeves and had large pink and white roses on it. I finished it off with a pair of 4 inch black strappy heels. When I looked in the mirror I was amazed at how well I looked. Even though it was very conservative, it did show of my body very nicely. When I walked out to the living room, Jenny was more than stunned. Her eyes got real big, “wow” she whispered as I showed off the dress. She got up off the couch and walked over. “I may be biased but you look incredible babe” she said as she gave me a kiss. It was very soft and loving. As we broke away I can say I was a bit shocked by Jenny’s response. She had a grin on her face and just kept staring at me. I could see the lecherous look come to her eyes before she let me go and said she had to do something. As she was heading back to the bedroom I asked what. “I have to find a different dress for tonight. I can’t look like some frump next to you!” She said.

Katie finally made it home and when she saw me she had a comment as well. ‘I thought you were with Jenny? Looks like your trying to get lucky down at Lefty’s tonight.” I promptly told my sister to shut up and that I wanted to look nice. Besides, it’s not revealing at all I told her. “No it’s not but you do look very good Lex. You might kill Adam when you walk in “ The two of us share a giggle. When Katie asked me where Jenny was, I told her she was in looking for a different dress. “I don’t blame her. Heck I am going to go raid the closet. Can’t have my little sister outshining me!” And with that Katie rushes off. Fifteen minutes later the two finally emerge carrying a garment bag and Katie wheeling a small case. I ask if I can see the dresses and am promptly told no. They informed me that they were going to get ready at Katie’s and had also brought a change of clothes in case we spent the night. It took me a minute to organize my things and soon we were out the door. When we got to Katie’s mom’s house, Danny was sitting in the driveway waiting.

“Where have you three been?” Danny asked as he walked over and gave Katie a kiss. Jenny and I let out with an ‘Oooh” that caused my brother to get frustrated and Katie to stand with a smug smile. When Jenny and I started in with the ‘Katie and Danny sitting in a tree’ his frustration took over. “Would you two shut up.” Jenny and I just giggled as Danny began to growl a bit. “Come on Alexa, were going to be late” My brother told me. I shared a quick kiss with Jenny as we giggled away at my brother. I followed him over to his truck , still teasing him a bit. However when I get to the passenger side, I was met with the latest dilemma of my transition.

I stood there looking at the passenger seat. I had never realized just how high it was. And how tight this dress was. I tried to lift my left foot and I couldn’t get it high enough. I spun around and braced my right hand on the door and my left hand on the frame. That didn’t work either. I next tried to grab the handle over the door, but couldn’t reach. Danny sat there behind the wheel staring at me with an agitated look.

“Come on! Get in!” My brother urged me. I could see he was getting irritated with me. Finally I looked at him. The embarrassment I felt was huge. I was about to really give him more of reason to agitated.

“I can’t. Can you help me?” I asked. I tried the puppy dog look I would use on Jenny.

“Aagh!” Danny yelled out as Jenny and Katie saw the predicament I was in. Katie leaned back against Jenny’s car she was laughing so hard. Jenny at least felt bad for me and came running over, not that she wasn’t laughing her head off. Danny got out from behind the wheel and came over to the passenger side and just stared at me. He picked me up and threw me on the front seat like a sack of potatoes. and then stormed off to the other side of the truck. I shared a quick kiss with Jenny before Danny admonished me to shut the door. As we drove down the road, Danny wouldn’t say anything. I felt I should say something, I looked at Danny and apologized for having to help me into the truck. He looked at me and then back at the road. After a minute, he turned and looked at me. “You three are going to drive me nuts, do you know that?” I just giggled at my brother’s frustration. I knew I had to continue teasing him a bit so I leaned over. And placed my head on his shoulder.

“I am so lucky to have such a great big brother.” I say in the girliest voice I could muster which just caused more frustration on Danny’s part and more laughter from me. He gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles started turning white and he began to mumble. I just laughed at him. I did eventually offer up a ‘thank you’ which earned me a grunt. The ride continued with him mumbling away and me teasing him. When we got to the law office, my mother was just getting out of her minivan. I slid out of the truck still laughing away, but Danny was still crabby. My mother asked what was up. Before I could gain control of my laughing, Danny answered.

“Your daughter is nuts!” Danny growled. My mother asked what was wrong and I told her the tale of the afternoon’s events. My mother laughed too, much to Danny’s irritation. Then my mother looked at me and began to admonish me over the tightness of my dress. This brought Danny out of his funk as he laughed at me for getting in trouble. My mother began smiling and I could see a bit of tear come to her eye. She made a comment of how great it was that we were getting along like brother and sister and hugged both of us. Danny instantly became grumpy again. He looked up to the sky. “Why are all the women in my life nuts!” He exclaimed. Mom and I followed Danny into the office giggling away. Mom had put her arm around me as we made the short walk and giggled away, Danny tuned one more time and groaned over the two of us. He looked at us ‘You’re all nuts!” He exclaimed again. Mom and I just laughed as we passed by my brother as he held the door for us. I reached up, pinched him on the cheek and thanked him for holding the door. The mumbling continued. As we were walking into the office, it hit me how ‘normal’ all of this felt. And rather than crying I grinned a little wider and stood up a little straighter. I knew that at the at point my family had accepted me, at least two-thirds of them.

The final third was waiting for us in the attorney’s office. Adam sat there and just glared at me as we came in “What is he doing here?’ He asked. Before mom could open her mouth, Danny spoke up.

“She is here because she is our sister.” Danny states as a smug smile came across my face. Danny looks over at me. “She may be nuts but she is our sister.” Adam did not take well to our brother’s comment.

“So they got you sucked in to huh?” Adam said with a snort. “You start going out with that Fahey chick and you fall into this trap. That is our brother. Our brother the fairy who wears dresses. Why am I the only one who sees the truth here?”

I could take it when he ripped on me but he couldn’t say anything about Katie. “You leave Katie out of this.” I yelled out. Adam just laughed at me. Adam’s taunts continued but mom quickly spoke up.

“Alexa is your sister and this is family business and the family is required to be here. You will show her nothing but respect when you are in my presence. Do you understand?” My mother said to Adam, wagging her finger at him the whole time.

Danny leaned over and whispered into my ear. “I guess she showed him” I started giggling and slapped him on the arm again. This time he whined “Ma, she’s doing it again!” Adam let out a long snort at this comment. My mother looked at me.

“Alexa Marie Quinn, you be nice to your brother.” This caused Danny to laugh. She then turned her anger at him “And Daniel Timothy Quinn, quit being a tattletale.” Now it was my turn to laugh. Danny and I sat down and began in again at each other. When mom flashed the ‘look’ at us and asked if she needed to split us up, we both lost it. To say my mother was not happy with us would be an understatement. Adam became more agitated as he stared at Danny and me. He looked at Danny and asked him how he could be so accepting of me. What was said next almost made me lose it. Danny looked at me and then back at Adam.

“Well besides being mean and nuts, she is a pretty good kid. She is the same person as Alex, but happier. And if you took the time to find that out you would understand that.” Adam sat there in shock. He didn’t know how to respond. He just shook his head. I flashed Adam a smug grin that Danny saw and he told me to knock it off. I told him to shut up, but not before the two of us were told to once again to settle down or be split up by our mother. The lawyer happened to walk in just as my mother was admonishing me and Danny and chuckled a bit. He made some comment that he thought children grew out of these petty little things when they got older. My mother responded that she thought they did too, but that Danny and I must be the exception.

David Wolfe, a friend of my Uncle Peter, was the family lawyer. He sat down and began going over everything from my father’s will. My father wanted the three of us to take over the construction business. This shocked me since I had supposedly been kicked out of the family. I think Adam was confused as well. He began questioning the terms of the will. He had always been under the impression that he was getting the company himself, or at worst sharing it with Danny. That my name was still in the will obviously irritated Adam. I knew I wanted nothing to do with the business, so I told my family I wanted out. I had no reason to be involved with any of this and I asked David if there were provisions in the will for buyouts. David asked Adam if he would be interested in buying me out. “Hell yeah!” he said excitedly until Mom shot him a look. He straightened up but was still shocked that mom was flexing on him. David then turned to Danny to see if he would buy me out. Danny nodded, but something didn’t seem right. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but there wasn’t much enthusiasm there. We continued to go over a few of the other details, such as the property settlement, basically that my mother was getting the house and the land. A few things like investments had to be gone over. I still didn’t see why we needed to be there, but mom insisted. We finished up and said our goodbyes to David and made our way out of the office. Adam said nothing other than he would see us at Lefty’s and moved off quickly. Mom tried to get me to ride with her, but I could see something was on Danny’s mind so I said I would ride with him. After finding a way to get in the truck, and again being told once again by my mother that my dress was too tight, we drove off.

As we drove along I could see something was on Danny’s mind, so I prodded him. He didn’t want to say anything, but finally he broke. “I don’t want to be partners with Adam. Hell, I don’t know if I want to stay around here.” I was shocked. I was convinced my brother would never leave Faribault. I asked him why. The answer he gave really surprised me. “Adam is a bigger prick than dad ever was. I haven’t worked on the same crew as Adam in over a year. We got into a couple of screaming matches and really pissed dad off. He split us up. Plus...” And then he stopped talking. There was something else besides our brother.

“Is it Lynn?” I asked. He shook his head. I was still at a loss and I asked him again. At first, he just stared straight ahead but I kept guessing. Finally, he just looked at me.

“Katie. I don’t think she wants some loser boyfriend back here.” At first I was speechless, then I broke out in laughter. Danny glared at me for a second, before I saw a different side of him. He was like a lost puppy. Of course, I couldn’t let it be.

“You’re whipped aren’t you” I said and continued laughing. I teased him big time. But then I stopped. Suddenly a new thought came over me. If this kept up Katie would truly become my sister. I paused for a moment before speaking again. “You know Danny, I don’t think you need to worry about where you are at. I have seen the way Katie looks at you. I think she’s whipped too. You guys make a great couple. Weird but great.” My words must have got to him because the ‘Danny grin’ was back. He looked over at me and told me they were not any weirder than me and Jenny. I had to agree with him. For the rest of the ride, the tension in my brother seemed to slip away and we were back joking with each other. It was great. I was amazed that ever since the funeral, we had become closer than we ever had been when I was what’s his name. We finally arrived at Lefty’s and walked in joking and laughing. The best revelation was his true feelings about Adam’s girlfriend Bethany.

“She is a bitch, but I don’t see why she stays with Adam. He is an asshole, always cocking off and she just sits there. I wish she would put him in his place.” I was shocked by this, but couldn’t let it slide.

“You mean like Katie puts you in your place?” I say. Danny laughed at that, but then got all cocky. “Yeah, she is a tough one, but she knowns who is boss”

“Yeah” I said “Her!” The two of us laughed all the way into the bar, where our laughing instantly stopped as we saw our girlfriends sitting at the bar. Smiles crept across both of our faces as we took the two of them in and realized how lucky we were. Jenny was dressed in this dusky blue dress with flowers printed all over them and a plunging neckline that started my mouth watering. Four-inch tan strappy heels completed the look. Katie was not one to be out done. She wore an aqua green wrap dress that accented all her curves and her own heels in a matching color. They both looked great, and we were not the only ones who thought so. The two were receiving a lot of attention from the male patrons of the bar. The attention was soon put to rest as Danny and I were spotted by our girlfriends. I was used to seeing the look of love from Jenny, but to see it from Katie as she looked at Danny amazed me. The smile was not just one of happiness but of warmth and love. We made our way over and both exchanged kisses with our respective girlfriends. Soon the four of us were at the bar having a drink and laughing away and having a great time. This is what I had hoped for all along I realized, love and acceptance. And when I saw my mother come in and look over at us I noticed a smile on her face. Now that was a smile of happiness. I saw her reach up and wipe her eye. Soon she was at the bar and enjoying a drink with her children and their girlfriends. As I held Jenny in my arms I didn’t think I could be any happier.

I was feeling so happy that when Adam and his girlfriend Bethany walked in, I didn’t care what he did or said. The look Adam shot us was one that just oozed contempt for all four of us. Bethany though really seemed like she didn’t want to be there. It was funny when she looked at us her eyes got huge. I don’t know if it was how I was dressed or if it was the sight of Jenny and how gorgeous she was or if it was over Katie and how great looking she had become. I could sense something but I wasn’t really sure but she definatley was acting strange. Katie must have picked up on that too and was instantly all over Bethany.

“Adam, Bethany how good to see you.” Katie said with her best waitress/saccharine voice. Jenny and I had to look away before we laughed out loud. I peeked over my shoulder at Katie who gave me a quick wink. Katie returned her attention to Bethany, “I haven’t seen you in ages. Come on over and join the club. Heck you are already a member of the club, aren’t you?” Jenny and I just gripped each other harder as more fits of laughter overtook us, that we had to fight back. I think Danny was either doing the same or felt sorry for Adam and left us and went over by Adam. Eventually, Jenny and I turned around only to be shot a glare by my mother, followed by a bit of a smirk. She suddenly announced she wanted to go talk to Shelia Beck and headed off for another part of the bar.

“Hi Katie, it has been awhile” Bethany said, before turning to Jenny and me. The two of us stood there grinning, I am sure that we looked like the fakest people in the world standing there, but we were trying. Bethany looked over at me and Jenny. “Hello Jenny” she said and then paused and took a long look at me. I could see that she was struggling with something, but eventually she said, “Hi Alex-a” For the first time since I had met her 6 years ago, I felt sorry for her. She seemed like she was sad about something, but what I am not sure. I watched her look down for a moment before she looked up. At first I thought Katie was going to go into a bitchy mode, but I think she saw something else was up. She asked Bethany if she had remembered working at Lefty back in the old days. Bethany laughed and the two began telling tales while I waved down John the bartender and got the Coors Light she had asked for. She took a long pull off the beer and seemed to relax a bit. She and Katie shared some stories about their days here at Lefty’s and filled us in on some more of the gossip of Faribault. She seemed to relax as time went along, plus the second beer we got her seemed to help.

The whole time this was going on, I could see out of the corner of my eye Danny and Adam’s conversation getting a bit more heated. I also noticed the frown on Adam’s face as he looked over at us four girls laughing away. I don’t think he was happy that Bethany was having a good time with the three of us. I started to understand why she had felt a bit sad. It was when she made a comment about the way the three of us were dressed that I was given to some more insight into what maybe going on. She didn’t look bad, not for Faribault. I then realized I sounded kind of bitchy, and that was not who I am. Here were Jenny, Katie and I, the ‘big city’ girls dressed to the nines and there was Bethany. A nice waist cut leather coat and some very fashionable jeans. A pair of high heels that were almost too much for Faribault but ones that would make her stand out. We were the ones who were out of place not her. Once again, I think Jenny was reading my mind.

“Love the jacket Bethany. I wish I could find one like that for Lex. She would look great in it.” The smile that Jenny flashed was a genuine one. When I took Jenny’s comment in I became more convinced that she had some special power to read my mind. Either that or our minds had truly become one.

‘Thanks” Bethany said as her smiled seemed to brighten up. “Got this at Wilson’s Leather when they went out of business last year. You three look a little too nice for Lefty’s, but it is good to give these old timers a little excitement.” With that all four of us began giggling. It was then I noticed my brothers making their way over. I could see that Adam was annoyed with the “hens” as he called us ‘cackling away.” I saw Bethany’s demeanor change. Thankfully mom came up and told us our table was ready. Danny took Katie by the arm and led the way, while Jenny and I flanked mom and took her by the arms. Jenny began saying how excited she was to finally be eating here. “I have heard Lex and Katie talk about this place so much I can’t wait.”

My mom started laughing. “You’re not really missing much Jenny. That AJ’s place is much better than old Lefty’s” It was so great watching these two get along so well and I looked over at Jenny and flashed a big smile, which was returned with an air kiss. But I don’t think our smiles even approached the smile on my mom’s face. She was practically strutting as we entered the dining room. Several people noticed us coming in and began whispering. Mom leaned over and whispered in my ear. ‘Ignore most of these people. The men are just shocked that I have such a beautiful daughter. The women are jealous.” A giggle came from my mom. I was in shock but also energized at how proud my mom seemed to be walking in with Jenny and I flanking her. It was when we got to the table that I noticed something was amiss. Adam and Bethany were nowhere to be found. I had Jenny sit next to Mom, while Katie had the chair on the other side of my mother held out for her by her boyfriend. Danny and I dutifully sat next to our girlfriends. “Thank god those two are separated” was my mother’s comment which began a round of questioning by Jenny and Katie and both Danny and I earning slaps on the arm. At least I got a sympathy kiss. Danny just got a mini lecture.

As we were sitting there trying to make it up to our better halves, I noticed that the two people who were missing, Adam and Bethany, finally entering the dining room. Adam was upset about something and Bethany looked sad, almost scared as the two of them walked in. Adam let out a very audible groan as he realized he had two choices where to sit. He could either sit next to Danny or he could sit next to me. He quickly sat down next to Danny leaving Bethany standing there staring at him as he basically ignored her and began talking to Danny. I could see sadness in her eyes as she took her seat. I flashed her a sympathetic look as she got situated. I could see she was bothered by something but she did acknowledge my concern with a brief smile and a quick thanks. I knew I had to say something. I leaned over and whispered, “Don’t worry about the meathead, he can be trained. Look at Danny.” For the first time, ever I guess, Bethany and I shared a quick giggle.

“How did that happen?” Bethany asked.

“He was too dumb to realize it” I told her which caused the two of us to really break out in laughter. However, her good mood was quickly squelched by a dirty look from Adam. Bethany returned to her downcast look. I could feel Jenny rubbing my leg and I turned and looked at her and she flashed me a smile. She leaned over and whispered, ‘You are the sweetest thing ever. How did I get so lucky?” She asked. We shared a quick kiss, which was met by mom admonishing us and Adam groaning out loud.

“Do they have to do that shit in public?” He asked only to be shot down by my mother.

“You be quiet Adam. If they want to share their love, let them.” Mom said causing everyone at the table to turn and stare. She just shot back at all of us “What? A woman can’t change her mind?” Which caused all of us girls to giggle, except Bethany, who all of a sudden looked scared. I could see Adam shooting her evil looks. I wanted to say something but bit my lip. The meal seemed to go okay. Jenny commented that this place was good and gently chided my mom over her comments. I leaned over and told her she was an ass kisser which promptly earned me another slap on the arm. But for the most part it went well. Mostly because Adam simply ignored me and Jenny. It didn’t bother me as he was a jerk, but I could see Jenny was a bit bothered by it. I was just glad he hadn’t turned his anger towards me. I did see him shoot some of that anger at Bethany, who as she tried to order a steak was warned by a look to change her order. I could see her get nervous and change her order to some broiled walleye. It was a look that I could sympathize with, as Jen would do that to me occasionally but never displayed anger. Mostly for her it was a gentle reminder to eat better and it was something we could tease the other about.

As we finished the meal. I watched my mother sit back and take in the group around her. She was happy that her whole family was here. She even mentioned it to me and Jenny and I was glad that Adam and I kept it together long enough to make mom happy. However, when Bethany got up to go to the rest room and Danny had gone off to talk to one of his buddies that joy changed. Adam was forced to sit there and deal with us four women. Katie was the first one to attempt a conversation. “So, Adam how have you been?” she asked. Adam just looked at her and sneered. But he refused to answer. My mother admonished him for ignoring Katie’s question. I could see the anger grow,

He stared at my mother before turning to Katie and answering “Oh just fucking great Katie, how about you? I love sitting here with my fairy brother wearing a dress. This is how I want to spend my Friday night.” The rage building. However, if Adam had made a mistake it was coming after me in a conversation with Katie. Jenny and I watched in humor as my ‘sister’ went to work on my brother.

“Why are you such a fucking prick Adam?” Katie answered. I watched as my mother went white at Katie’s comments. But Katie was not done. “Alexa has done nothing to you, but you sit and be an asshole to her, why?” Adam did not take this well and returned the volley.

“People are sitting here laughing at the little fruit” he responded. Katie began laughing. If calling Adam names pissed him off, the laughter put him over the edge, but that didn’t stop Katie.

“You think they are laughing at her? They are loving her. She is a beautiful woman. They are more laughing at you and your asshole attitude if anything.” My mother admonishes Katie for her language. Katie looks over at my mom. “I’m sorry Charlotte but I know what Alexa has been through and I know how happy she is. To hear Adam be so mean just bothers me. He sounds just like his father. A close-minded prick” Just as Katie says this Bethany returns from the restroom. I think she was shocked at what happened next. Adam stood up and began screaming at Katie.

“Fuck you Katie.” Adam says and then points at me “He has gone against everything this family has ever believed in. In my mind, he has destroyed this family. He caused dad to be stupid and now he has my mother and brother so snowed that they accept this shit. That is a man, well I wouldn’t exactly say man but a male. I can’t take this shit” Just then a hand is placed on his shoulder. Adam turns around and standing there is Danny, as mad as ever.

“I think you better shut your mouth Adam” Danny said through gritted teeth as he tried to keep his anger under control. Thankfully mom jumped in before these two started a brawl.

“Enough! All of you! Adam, you DO NOT talk to women that way! And Katie I know I have no right to lecture you, but I am ashamed.”

“Oh sure, you tell me off, but after she says those things about my father and me you just say you are ashamed. It makes me fucking sick. Come on Bethany we’re out of here.” Adam said as he grabbed both his coat and Bethany’s arm. I could see how sad she was and I truly felt sorry for her. She gave us what appeared to be a sympathetic smile as she was being led away. Danny took his seat again and tried to comfort Katie, I think Danny thought she would be like me and Jenny. Katie was different. She wasn’t as weepy as my girlfriend and me. She calmed herself a bit and once again apologized to my mother. My mother for her part was very receptive.

“I gave up trying to control him twenty years ago. I do wish you hadn’t said those things, especially here but it wasn’t far from the truth.” Mom states. I think at that moment I figured out where I got my smart alek sense of humor. “I am shocked by one thing in all of this, Alexa kept her mouth shut.” Everyone laughed, even myself before I put on the fake pout which earned me a sideways hug from Jenny.

“No kidding.” Katie said. “Usually you can’t shut her up!” As Katie finishes up I stick my tongue out at her which she just returns. Jenny then admonishes Katie for being mean to me. And two things resulted with that exchange. Mom laughed and Danny groaned.

Mom decided she had had enough excitement for one evening, so she was going to head home. The four of us decided we should hit the party town of Faribault for a bit. We worked our way back downtown, stopping in at the Depot for one and then hitting both Sammy’s Saloon and Willy’s downtown. It was a lot of fun, and Danny was nice enough to be the designated driver, allowing us three roommates to get a bit crazy. The scene that played out that night was very like the night we went clubbing, but this time we had a driver. Jenny and I just enjoyed being intertwined with one another, but Katie was another story. She may have been the happiest person the United States, and maybe the drunkest. I had never seen her so clingy, but she hung on Danny. She was reveling not only in the fact that she was out in Faribault drawing some longing looks but that she was with Danny. Jenny and I teased her and Danny about getting a room. Katie’s comment was “I would but someone is scared of mommy!” She teased. And even though Danny acted like he was irritated by Katie, he was enjoying it. Hell, he had the second best looking woman in the bar. Jenny and I each said we were the ones with the best.

Following the apartment’s invasion of Faribault that weekend, Monday brought back another week. I was dreading going to see Debbie. I had grown somewhat frustrated with the counseling. I wanted to move on, but Debbie seemed to be dragging her feet. When my classes were over, I made my way over to Debbie’s office. I drug myself up and went in to see my counselor. As always seemed to be the case, Debbie stood to greet me outfitted in one of her immaculate suits, surprisingly this was a new one in pink. I said my hellos and complimented her on her suit. We then sat down and I began my review of the weekend, highlighting the events of Friday night. Debs seemed a bit concerned over Adam’s attitude, “Did you have problems while sitting there with what he was saying?” I looked at her like she was crazy. “You know what I mean.” Debbie admonished me, but I couldn’t help but giggle at Debbie, who realized how she had put things.

I looked my counselor right in the eye. “Of course I had problems with what he was saying. But I felt pity for him. He is so closed minded. But I think what you are trying to get at, did I start crying or anything? No. Like I said I felt sorry for him and what he was thinking. I felt sorrier for his girlfriend. She looked sad. I had problems with her in the past, I thought she was a bitch, but now. Now I see what a controlling jerk my brother is and it makes me feel for her.” Debbie then asked about how my mother was handling everything. ‘She was great, except for how Adam acted.” I told her and then paused, “And I guess me and Danny.”

“Did you and Danny have some issues?” Debbie asked a bit concerned.

“Not really, except he called me nuts. Well he called me, Jenny, Katie and Mom nuts. He was a little annoyed by the women in his life.” I looked down in a bit of shame that was soon cleared as Debbie began laughing out loud.

“I feel sorry for that young man, having to put up with the three of you but I didn’t think your mother would get involved too.” Debbie commented. I went on to relay the events of Friday, starting at Katie’s mom’s and ending at the bars. Debbie shot me a brief look of annoyance as I told her how mom threatened to split the two of us up over the two of us picking on one another, but then smiled. And it wasn’t one of her sympathetic smiles, it was a smile of confirmation, like she had done something and her actions were now being confirmed. Before I could ask her what she was thinking, her phone rang. That was unusual as almost always her phone calls were held at the desk. She got up and answered it only to say hello and then yes, a couple of seconds later. She returned to her seat and sat down, but that smile was still there and again before I could ask her about it, we were interrupted by her door opening. The person who came through the door saw me and instantly smiled as did I. I was shocked that Jenny was there but I knew something was up. After a quick kiss, Jenny sat next to me and we turned our attention to Debbie.

“I took some time to review your case this weekend. When you came in here this past October, I was scared for you. You had so many obstacles in front of you as you began this journey you have chosen to undertake. However, it seems you have worked through those issues.” Debbie paused for a moment. “You have been lucky not only to have had the support system you have had with Katie, but you have had this person next to you. Jenny, you have been the best thing that ever happened to Alexa, in my opinion. You have been there for her through all of these highs and lows. But the two of you were always there together. That’s why I asked you here today Jenny.” Debbie reached into the pocket at that point and produced a brown bottle and handed it to me. Both Jenny and I gasped as we realized what I had just been given. It was what I had been dreaming of the last few months. We looked at each other. Before we could say anything to one another, Dr. Burke went on. “After reviewing everything, I think it’s time. You are ready Alexa. Now, I don’t want you going crazy. One a day! And one reason I asked Jenny here is to ask her to keep an eye on you. Do you think you are ready?” Debs asked.

I looked at Jenny. We locked eyes and communicated without speaking. The love that was shown in her eyes for me as she nodded her head, melted my heart. I asked her “Are you sure?” She nodded her head again and then wrapped me in a hug, I could feel the tears she was shedding on my cheek, and this scared me for a moment before she whispered in my ear. “We’re ready babe. This is what we have been waiting for. I am with you one thousand percent.” I released Jenny and the smile was one of warmth and understanding. At that one moment, my life changed. Forever.



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