I saw Matt again the next morning as he and Nancy saw us all off at the plane. We kept it light and civil. We had already had our private moment. This was just the public scene we both had to play, and we got through it.

Nancy however was a different story.

“I really am sorry for dragging you along on that shoot.” I apologized as I clasped her hands together. “If I had any idea.....”

“How could you? How could anyone?” She shook her head and cast her eyes to her feet, but made no effort to wriggle from my handclasp.

“I thought you were....” she paused a long time, eyes still drilling through the floor, then re-started. “The way you....” another long pause. I sensed another rewind to the home tile and uncertainty which path to take. Finally she raised her head, regarded me for a protracted moment, and said quietly “you're not at all what I expected.”

“Good.” I simply said.

Yet again, my response seemed to throw her.

“Life is all about the unexpected. You have to be open to it and ready to deal with it.” I smiled.

Nancy smirked. “Like getting attacked by a shark?”

“A rather extreme example...” I smiled “...but OK. What happened... happened. There was nothing to do but instantly accept it and decide what to do with the sudden new reality.”

“So you attack the shark.” She tilted her head. At least she didn't seem as freaked out about it.

I shrugged. “I couldn't think of any good responses, so I decided to go for the unexpected.”

“Why?”

“Because everything else seemed sure to end badly and I had NO idea how that would go... making it the least bad option.” I made a small apologetic scowl. It was the best I could explain it.

“And you worked all of this out in... how many seconds?” She shot me a skeptical look.

I shook my head. “I didn't work anything out. No time. It was ….an impulse?... a reflex?....”

She wasn't buying it.

“Sometimes you just have to get out of your own way and live in the moment. Just... be here. ….Now... Just...” I shrugged. “...be in the moment. Stop overthinking. Just... live the moment.”

Nancy regarded me for the longest time. I found myself wondering if that thought had never even occurred to her. And wondering how that could be possible. It seemed so... fundamental.

Apparently she must have finished processing. A slow smile crept across her face and she nodded nearly unnoticably.

“Nothing at ALL like I expected.” she smiled.

“I get that a lot.” I smiled. “I like to think that's a good thing. Like peoples expectations have been ...broadened.”

Nancy nodded. “Well, I sure have a lot to think about.”

“Good.” I nodded with a grin.

Nancy smiled and nodded back, finally removing her hands. “Yes. Good.”

And I began to think this young woman might end up being OK. And maybe even learning to live a little once in a while.

After bidding farewell to those we were leaving behind in paradise, we shuffled back onto our posh chartered plane and settled in for the long jump to the Philippines.

Janice sat with us and once we were airborne, Dennis spirited Mikey away to 'talk business'. I was sure it was just to give us some privacy.

Janice Karidoyanes steepled her fingers and seemed to be studying me.

“So... How are we really doing?” she smiled.

“WE? I imagine your life has been turned upside down with this sudden house call” I smiled. Janice started to speak but I cut her off. “As for myself.... a lot better than last night.” I grinned.

Janice said nothing. She just waited. I knew what she wanted, but among the things I'd learned in all these months of 'being Katherine' was the power of the awkward silence. It seems Janice was just as comfortable with this game of chicken as I was. Finally, I broke a smile and continued.

“I kind of let myself get overwhelmed with inventorying all the things in my life that will have ended in just a few weeks. My head always knew it, but I think it finally reached my heart.” I grimaced.

Janice just nodded. Damn. She was just going to sit there and let me do all the heavy lifting.

“This morning it seemed easier to ...push those things aside... they will be what they will be no matter how much I dwell on them. I need to focus on what needs to be done now. And that is keeping up the razzle and dazzle for the rest of our roadshow.” I smiled slipping back into full 'gleeful twin' mode.

Janice frowned slightly. I think she was finally about to speak, but I cut her off with a raised finger.

“I was upset because all the people I've met over these couple of months... everyone I've come to know and l.. um... everyone who has come to know me ...even as I was coming to know myself... my honest self...” I couldn't help it. I swallowed. Hard. “...everyone... I will be saying goodbye to. And not only are we unlikely to stay in touch, we mustn't stay in touch once Katherine takes her life back. My cousin Michael... the only one I can stay in touch with, will probably be heading back to the states as soon as he finishes school. And he will likely be working with all the people I can't... uh... who have to pretend I never existed. And I will be home. Alone. Starting a new life from scratch.” I said quietly.

Janice wavered her head. “You won't be entirely alone. We discussed this at Dale's. You'll have people.”

“Therapists and specialists and such. I know. But it's not the same.”

“No. It's not.” Janice conceded. That caught me by surprise.

“You will in many ways be starting over.” She said calmly.

I nodded.

“Do you think you're the first one? History is full of people starting over. In fact it could be argued that much of history is about people starting over. As far as fresh starts go, you don't have it so bad.”

I thought about that and had to nod. “True. I speak the language... well, maybe a different dialect... that whole Mars/Venus thing....” I wavered my hand but Janice cut me off.

“You speak the language. No accent.” she grinned.

I grinned back, buoyed by her appraisal.

“I'll have money, so I can get settled and start building my new life without at least basic struggles like food and shelter....” The more I thought about it, the more I realized how fortunate I truly was.

“And do you really think you'll have that much trouble making new friends?” Janice smiled.

I shrugged. “I have no idea. I think the thing that worries me most is that people will notice how much I resemble Katherine Keller.” I scowled.

Janice just smiled. “Honey, I'd bet money people have been noticing that for years. That won't be anything new. AND it might be a little easier....”

“...since I will be living as Laura Claire.” I nodded. Janice returned my nod.

“And once the hormones start kicking in, and you start ...filling out....” she grinned “...well, once you start getting curves, the uncanny resemblance will start to ...soften. I suspect you will look far less like Katherine within a year than you ever did growing up.”

“But I'll still be freakishly tall.” I sighed.

“I didn't say you wouldn't still look like a supermodel” Janice laughed. “Just not so much like Katherine.”

I smiled wearily. I guess because of my size I would always attract attention, but I guess being mistaken for a supermodel was far better than the ways I attracted attention growing up.

“So, when we get to Manila can I have you for a few hours?” Janice asked.

“Uh. Sure... I guess.... what for?” My surprise was obvious.

“Just run some blood tests. Cheek swab. Maybe if we can work it in a DXA....”

“DXA?”

Janice shrugged. “Kind of like an x-ray or catscan. You lay there, we take a picture that can indicate your bone mineral density and body fat distribution. Just a baseline for reference during your endocrine workup. The whole procedure won't take a few hours. All you need to do is keep still and try not to be bored. But resist the temptation to bring a book. It tends to annoy the radiologist.” she grinned.

I laughed. “Sure. It'll give me time to think of how to wow our Philippines fans.”

“Hmm, maybe I should try to book a PET scan too. I'd love to see how that mind of yours works.” she laughed.

We rode along in silence for a while. When Janice finally spoke up.

“So that photographer of yours....”

“Passport boy.” I snorted.

“Yeah.” she grinned. “So if he actually had the documentation, he would have stayed with the tour?”

I nodded.

“All the way to the end? …to Australia?”

I blanched at the thought. “I... uh... I hadn't thought that far ahead.....”

She nodded. “I was surprised to see him traveling with you at all.”

I shrugged. “He had nowhere else to go. I already told you about how we met and how he was the one who helped me find Katherine.... then I saw him at the ballgame and sort of drafted him.”

Janice nodded remembering.

“The work he did there got him a gig with the crew for the soundtrack show.”

“The Hollywood bowl concert.” Janice ventured.

I nodded.

“The one Bianca DeMedici crashed.” she grinned.

“She didn't exactly crash.... I kind of felt I owed her after the ballgame, so we....”

“You mean YOU..” Janice smiled. I shrugged.

“Well, we, I …..she... yeah, it was a setup.”

“It sure looked real.” she grinned.

I shrugged. “Well, we wanted to keep the element of surprise, so except for the orchestra, who we needed for the number, and the security people to sneak her through, yeah.... no one else knew.” I gave a meek smile.

“So you brought that photographer on board for the show and you snuck Bianca DeMedici in to do a duet with you at the concert.” She raised an eyebrow.

I shrugged. “I felt I owed them both. And none of it was charity. Matt's photos were great and I'm sure a lot of them will end up in the CD or DVD or whatever they choose to make. And Bianca... well, you saw it....” I glanced at her expectantly, Janice nodded and grinned. “Well, she brought down the house.... and I think maybe she showed folks in town she can do musical comedy.”

“But you didn't bring Bianca DeMedici with you to Hawaii.” Janice teased.

“Are you kidding? Her wife would have killed me!” I laughed. “Besides, she has a film to flog AND a busy life. Matt, on the other hand, lost his track scholarship and was going to crawl back to Montana with his tail between his legs. Because it was the only option he had.”

“Until you gave him another.” Janice smiled.

I shrugged. “I'm not Mother Theresa. He's a good photographer. You saw his stuff. We put him to work.”

“I'll say!” Janice laughed. “Those shark encounter photos were everywhere... and I didn't see any duplicates. It looks like he sold something fresh to each outlet.”

“Good.” I smiled.

“So how much did he MAKE from peddling those?” she quirked a brow.

I shrugged. “I have no idea. Enough. I hope.” I muttered.

“Enough to go back to school, scholarship or no scholarship?” Janice's eyes were boring into me.

I shrugged. “Hope so. But first he's mending up.”

“Where?” Janice asked as if she already knew the answer.

“Uh. Katherine's. Just for a few weeks until he can get back into school.”

“Does Katherine know about this?” Janice asked. This was beginning to feel like an inquisition.

I shrugged. “Dennis said it was OK. She wouldn't care. He said she likely wouldn't even notice if he was still there when she returned.”

Janice shot me a skeptical look.

“I believe him.” I said. “He told me she doesn't even remember the names of her own house staff.”

Janice nodded. “Dale told me about that.” She shook her head, smiling with mild disbelief.

“I was in a position to help him out and I did. That's all. And I ….Katherine's company got a lot out of him too.” I pressed my case.

“So you don't have any ...feelings for him?” She asked gently.

I shrugged again. “Sure. He was a great help. I don't know what I would have done.... but NO... I don't have those kind of feelings.”

Janice's look said she wasn't buying it. “...for HIM?”

“Right. He's just a friend. He means a lot to me. But just as a friend.”

She nodded but her expression said 'riiight'.

“So you don't have feelings of ...attraction... for him.”

I shook my head.

“Or anyone.”

I felt the heat as I'm sure my face went red as an alarm beacon.

Janice sat back in her seat, flashing me a Cheshire Cat smile.

“Want to talk about it?”

I did NOT want to talk about it! But I knew from her tone of voice that I really didn't have a choice. So I spilled my guts about the Golden Greek, from our awkward encounter at the bar to Dennis catching me in the middle of that dirty dream. I knew I really had to talk this out with someone, and Janice seemed to be the best possible choice.

“Still. I'm not sure how much of my reaction was because I really may have had too much to drink...”

“May have? You said you had five absinthes.” she teased. “And the alcohol didn't get you aroused. It just ...reduced your inhibitions.” She smiled.

I shrugged. “I won't even argue that for the moment. Still. The encounter in the rest room... was I reacting as a female? ...or was I just reacting as a lonely person?”

Janice gave me a hard stare. “No one knows the answer to that better than you. So what was it?”

“Honestly I don't know.” I blew out air in frustration. “I was hoping you could tell me.” I smiled apologetically.

Janice shook her head with a knowing smile. “That's not how it works. You talk. I listen. Why don't you tell me?”

I sighed with frustration. “Was I aroused? ….yes... but again, I'm not sure that it wasn't just because it was the first time anyone... of any gender... seemed interested in me.”

Janice smiled. “And he was interested in you as a woman.”

I nodded. “That's what he saw. That's what he thought. He thought I was Katherine.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

“A little guilty. That I was leading him on. That I wasn't who he thought I was.”

“You felt guilty about him thinking you were Katherine.”

I nodded.

“Not because he thought you were female.”

I felt my face flush.

“And later that night. Your dream... did you react to him as a female? Or simply as a lonely person?”

I hung my head and somehow knew I managed to go even redder.

“So is it safe to say you were aroused by this gentleman?”

I nodded ever so slightly. My head still hung in my own mortification. Like a little kid who got caught when she tried to cover something up.

“Attraction happens.” Janice said airily. “So you're human. Deal with it.”

That snapped my head up to stare at her in disbelief. I was expecting at least a lecture. Her breezy dismissal of my guilty confession stunned me.

“That's it?” I was incredulous. “Just 'Attraction happens – deal with it'???”

Now it was Janice's turn to shrug. “Welcome to the world the rest of us have been dealing with since we were teens.” She smiled, but it was not unkind.

“Excuse me. I still AM a teen. At least for another 13 months.” I pointed out.

Janice softened. “I meant by 14 or so the rest of us have learned this awkward lesson.” Then she gave me a gentle smile. “But you're only a few years behind the curve. You're so mature, I keep forgetting your actual age.”

I nodded. I was so used to playing the 20 something Katherine, that I forgot my own age myself. Although, truth be told, I sucked at being a teen. My mum always said I was 'an old soul'. I think that was her polite way to say she knew I enjoyed spending time with her, curled up in front of the TV watching old musicals more than I did spending my nights socializing with my 'peers'... most of whom ignored me, except for the core few who actively despised me. I guess I never acted my age.

“OK.” Janice began. “We know you experience ….arousal... and ….desire....”

I sighed. “Stop trying to soft peddle it... Fine. I get horny. I admit it.”

She laughed. “Alright. No soft peddling. ...are you telling me this is the first time you've experienced arousal?”

I couldn't read her expression. I expected to see skepticism, but I only saw patient expectation. She was placidly waiting for my answer.

“Uh... for a guy... yes.” I mumbled.

“You've had feelings for women?” She asked. Again, her inflection betrayed no emotion. Not surprise or doubt or judgment... or anything.

I nodded. “There was this girl in school. Courtney Noyes. I was kind of obsessed her most of the school year. She was really pretty... her hair was always perfect and I don't think she ever even had a zit. She looked like she walked out of a magazine. She had amazing fashion sense and was always so together. And she was really really popular. She was always surrounded by her equally cool friends and they always seemed to be having so much fun.... I knew I was invisible to her, but I always wished that I could find a way to at least get her to ...notice me... and maybe say hello. I didn't expect her to dump Brian Mullins her rugby player boyfriend for me or anything. I just wanted her to notice that I even existed.”

Janice said nothing for the longest time. She just kept gazing at me.

“Who wanted this girl to notice?” She said quietly.

“I did.”

“Lorenzo Carlton or Laura Claire? Because the way you described it, it sounded like a high schooler from the lower social castes who longed to be one of the cool kids.”

I nodded. “....I guess there was some of that.”

“Who wanted to hang with the popular girls.” She said quietly, eyeing me.

I felt the heat in my face and could guess at the color.

Janice gave me a kindly smile. “You didn't say 'there was this smokin babe in school and I really wanted to jump her bones'”

My fingers flew to my mouth too late to cap the startled laugh after hearing those unexpected words come out of her mouth.

Janice continued. “You described this girl, her perfect hair, her perfect skin... I presume the 'out of a magazine' comment was a nod to her fashion sense...”

I shrugged. I guess so.

“And all the fun she was always having with her cool friends.... sounds less like teen lust and more like ….envy?”

I thought about it. I shrugged again with an embarrassed smile.

“I would go so far as to speculate that you didn't want to DO her... you wanted to BE her... or at least one of her circle.”

Once again, my face answered for me. There must be some way to control or override the blush reflex.

“So the feelings.... the attraction... you felt for this girl.... or any other girls growing up. How would you compare them to what you felt for that business guy?” She asked with a slight smile.

I knew it was a rhetorical question.

Janice just smiled. “I don't want you to answer. Just.... think about it.”

“For a moment I was afraid you were going to say sleep on it” I grinned. “And we already know how that goes!”

Janice laughed and squeezed my hand. She shook her head slightly.

“And all Dale's given you is blockers. I worry that when we actually get you on hormones, we may have to lock you in a convent!”

I blanched at the thought, and Janice instantly realized her little joke didn't go over as intended.

“You'll be fine.” she soothed with another gentle hand squeeze.

I relaxed.

“Horny, maybe. But fine.” she grinned. And my mock scowl assured her that this joke landed properly.

I called a little break so we could stretch our legs on the long flight. I introduced Janice to everyone as my personal physician, then joked that I suspected Doctor Dale sent her to keep me out of any future trouble.

I don't think most people realized I was joking.

Janice spent a good part of our flight chatting with Colleen McLagan. I know they talked about Nancy and I think they talked a bit about me. Whatever Janice said, it helped. Colleen was once again more relaxed around me.

Meanwhile I put my head together with Michael since Dennis seemed to be M.I.A, trying to come up with suitable mischief for our visit to Manila.

All those plans flew out the window when we landed and unpacked at our hotel. Dennis had been quite scarce on the flight. At first I thought it was because he was giving me some space to chat with Janice. But even after our talk, when she was sitting with Colleen, he remained absent.

Dennis excused himself as we were getting off the plane, saying he had an errand he needed to do and that we'd talk at the hotel.

This was really unusual behaviour, but everytime I'd express concern or ask if everything was OK, he would just brush it off with a laugh, saying it was the 'same old same old ...only more so'. I presumed it was Katherine business, and thought that with her due to return in a few weeks, she was running him ragged getting up to speed.

Michael and I were just unpacking when my phone rang. I was not surprised that it was Dennis.

“Katherine needs a favor.” He said awkwardly.