Xìngbié; part 11 (of 12): The World Shattered

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What had it said? What had it said?! Something about love? And on the flip side? He couldn’t remember exactly, but he thought the word had been… sex? Gender? He’d gotten a fortune cookie talking about love and gender, and then… the games on his bookshelf being replaced, new shoes appearing in the closet, all his underwear being replaced.

And then on and on, one change after another, until he was wearing a skirt on dates and trying on lipstick in the mall. All these recent feelings—they weren’t teenage angst or self-doubt, they were him realizing that he was doing something wrong. But then he’d forget. Even something as obvious as forgetting which table he sat at just barely registered before it slipped from his mind forever.

But the worst part, by far, was that he had almost figured it out! Just a week ago he’d been helping Tyler with his homework, and Nathan could tell that something was wrong. But every day he forgot more and more who he was supposed to be.

Nathan wanted to scream. He wanted to shout and throw his books and topple over his furniture. He wanted to take a baseball bat and shatter every mirror in the house. He wanted to tear the clothes from his closet and set them on fire.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t lose control. Not now. Not while he still had the upper hand. Whatever was going on was tied to that oddly-colored fortune cookie, and this was the only chance he had to do something about it.

He turned to his computer and entered the name of the Chinese restaurant into the search bar. The first result that came up was the very restaurant. It wasn’t… too far, and it hadn’t yet closed.

I’d never get there in time, he decided, noting for the first time that even his voice in his head sounded girly. Even his voice had been taken from him.

He really wanted to lie down and cry.

There was clearly no way to get to the restaurant. No way was one of his parents going to drive him all the way there, even if they hadn’t already gone once to pick up food. And somehow the thought of walking all the way there in the dark only to have to break in and search for clues wasn’t all that appealing, especially while looking like a teenage girl.

I probably look twelve, he though. Even in high school people made fun of him for looking so much younger than he was. It wasn’t nearly as bad in middle school, but he was surprised that nobody had mistaken him for prepubescent yet.

Maybe that was what was happening. He wasn’t just transforming into a girl, he was regressing into a child. Next year, he could be a freshman again and not remember having ever been any older. There was just no way to know.

He’d have to be careful. Very careful.

Nathan pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and thought about what to write.

Nathan, he wrote, A few weeks ago your family got takeout Chinese. Afterward…

Once the letter was finished, Nathan taped it to the back of his bedroom door so he’d have to see it when he woke up. But his work wasn’t done. He was still wearing painted-on jeans, girls’ panties, and a revealing shirt.

Nathan quietly ducked out into the hall. Dinner must have been over by now, but he could hear the TV running in the living room. On the way to the laundry room, Nathan took a quick peak and saw both Tyler and their father sitting on the couch watching the screen.

Nathan checked the dryer for finished clothes, but it was empty. Their mom must have already finished putting clothes away for the night.

“Dammit,” he cursed, “Plan B.’

Nathan walked back toward his room, but stopped and tried to silently open the door to Tyler’s room. He moved quickly, opening the door to the closet and grabbing the first tee shirt he saw. He closed it swiftly and started pulling open dresser drawers. His heart was pounding in his chest. There was no way he could explain this if he got caught. He pulled out a pair of boxer shorts and shut the drawers, darting out of the room and closing the door behind him.

The rest of the house remained how it was.

Nathan let out a sigh of relief and returned to his own room. He tried not to look at the décor. He locked the door behind him so no one could see what was going on. He slid out of his clothes, even taking off his panties and bra.

Then he pulled on his brother’s boxers. They fit loosely at the waist, sliding down and resting on his hips. Nathan could feel the top of his butt exposed. He quickly pulled on the tee shirt, which was orange and with a motto that Nathan didn’t recognize. It was also a little loose, but the extra space was filled out by Nathan’s breasts. He did his best to ignore them, but his nipples were really sensitive against the fabric of Tyler’s shirt.

Finally, Nathan crawled into bed and curled up in his blankets. For a while, he just stared up at the ceiling, too afraid to close his eyes. What if he woke up in the morning and couldn’t remember any of the things he’d learned? He forgot everything else so quickly—what was to stop it from happening again?

Tears welled up in his eyes, and a sob escaped his throat, but eventually it became just too difficult to stay awake.

()()()()()()()

Shutting off the alarm, Nathan rubbed his eyes and stretched. After a moment, he realized that he was wearing his brother’s clothes.

“The Hell?” he asked himself, “Why did I…?”

He’d gone into his brother’s room and pulled out his clothes… so that he wouldn’t have to wear his own? But why would he do that?

The letter!

Nathan jumped out of bed and ran to the note on the door. He quickly read through it a few time, letting it all sink in. He’d come so close to forgetting it all.

He’d been smart enough to detail his plain in the letter, but it turned out to be unnecessary. He knew what he had to do.

Quickly, Nathan changed into a pair of girls’ pajamas, though he left the boxers on. He shivered at the realization that they both fit and felt more comfortable than what he’d been wearing.

He climbed back into bed and pulled the covers over himself tight. A short while later, there came a knocking at the bedroom door. He ignored it, but his gut turned a bit. In a few minutes he heard it again, and his mother asked through the door if he was okay. She didn’t even wait for an answer; she just came right in to look for him.

Nathan saw her come in and turned over in his bed, giving what he hoped was a convincing moan.

“I don’t feel so good,” he not-quite-lied.

“Oh, sweetie,” his mom said, laying her hand on his forehead, “Is this the same thing that you had last night?”

“I think so…” Nathan mumbled.

His mother left, and Nathan groaned for real this time. He hated lying to her. He knew pretending to be sick would do it. He never tried getting out of school, so when he said he was too sick to go he was too sick to go; last time it was because he had caught pneumonia. This was the first time he’d ever lied about being sick, though, and it was just the latest in a long line of unpleasant changes to Nathan’s life.

These thoughts and more ran through Nathan’s head as he waited in bed. His mother must have assured his father that it was serious, though, because his father didn’t come in to check on him.

He heard the front door open once. That would be his mother. A few minutes passed. The front door opened again. His father. Another ten minutes. The door. Tyler was gone. But Nathan waited; there was always the chance Tyler would run back inside and grab something else, and Nathan could not afford to be caught.

Nathan heard the school bus come and go, but still he waited for a few minutes. Then, with a deep breath, he jumped out of bed. He could not wait to get out of these girls’ pajamas.

Tyler’s room was a bit of a mess. Nathan wasn’t exactly a stranger to messes (though his own room was more than a little too clean for his liking thanks to the fortune cookie), but something about it being his younger brother’s room made it feel gross.

He grabbed a new pair of boxers, the smallest tee shirt he could find in the closet, a sweater, and… where were the sweatpants?

Nathan let out a moan. Tyler must have worn them and thrown them in the laundry. Worst-case scenario: Nathan was going to be wearing his brother’s dirty laundry. He wasn’t even going to bother with finding a pair of his brother’s socks or shoes. He’d wear his own girly pair—at least they’d fit.

The sweatpants were still in the dryer, but they were done. Apparently it was okay to let laundry go through the night, but there still wasn’t enough time to put it away in the morning. All the same, he pants were dry and that was all that mattered.

With “his” clothes ready, Nathan jumped quickly into the shower and rinsed off. No shampoo, no body wash. He might not be able to pass as a boy (and what he wouldn’t have given to cut his hair, but if this didn’t go well he didn’t want to face his parents with a bunch of hair missing), but he wasn’t going to act like a girl.

Wet hair soaked into the back of the sweatshirt as Nathan pulled on his socks and shoes. He grabbed all the money from his wallet, but he wasn’t feeling all that confident. How much money would he need? He’d never done this before.

When he first turned fifteen, Nathan’s mother had told him where they kept $150 in case of emergency, and he swore not to touch it unless something had happened to both her and Nathan’s father. Nathan’s stomach turned as he thought of taking that money, but what choice did he have now?

Once he had the money, Nathan picked up the phone. He’d gotten the number from the internet. He had to make this work.

The phone rang, and someone picked up. It was the local taxi service. Nathan gave them the address, almost wincing at the south of his own voice.

Nathan sat on the couch to wait. The blinds on the window were open so Nathan could see when the cab arrived. His stomach was still turning. Half of him was sure that he was just floundering, searching for clues that weren’t there. He’d feigned being sick and stolen from his parents just to run off and find a takeout Chinese restaurant.

He turned on the TV while he waited, hoping to take his mind off of the feelings in his gut. After a few minutes, his phone buzzed, and Nathan jumped like a gun had gone off. He checked, and his heart sank to see that Gavin had texted him.

Where are you?

Nathan could have cried. Gavin was in love with him. And for the past few weeks Nathan thought he was in love with Gavin. He almost threw up right there on the couch.

Maybe it was the cookie or maybe it was because he still thought of Gavin as his friend, but either way Nathan didn’t want to leave him clueless about what was going on.

Not feeling well, he texted back, Staying home.

It took a few minutes for a reply to come back.

So sad. Get better. Miss you already.

Poor guy, Nathan thought, He’s afraid to go too fast. Doesn’t know what to say. He would have been sympathetic, if it weren’t that he was the boy that Gavin was trying to date. Sure, he knew that it wasn’t Gavin’s fault he though Nathan was a girl, but that didn’t change the fact that Nathan wasn’t at all attracted to Gavin.

He turned his phone to silent. He didn’t want to have to read all the messages when his… “girlfriends” wanted to know where he was.

The taxi arrived and Nathan walked out to meet it. He slid into the back seat, shrinking down to make himself seem as small as possible.

“Uh… hey kid,” the driver began, “Shouldn’t you be in school?”

“I’m sick,” he lied curtly, “My parents were supposed to pick me up, but they’re swamped and asked me to meet them at their restaurant.”

“Oh… kay. You’ve got money?”

Nathan flashed the wad of cash and gave him the address. He sat in silence for the entirety of the ride, looking out the window as the world passed him by. It was a world that apparently didn’t want him enough to remember him as who he was.

Again Nathan felt tears welling up, but he bit his tongue. He didn’t move to wipe his eyes dry. He didn’t want the driver to start asking questions.

The cap stopped and Nathan paid his fair. The cab took off as soon as the door was closed. And Nathan was left standing outside the building he blamed for all his problems.

This was it. Whatever happened in this building would hopefully determine if he woke up tomorrow as a boy or a girl. Either he’d get his answers, or the owner would call the cops about the girl who was blaming him for some kind of witchcraft.

Nathan took a deep breath and opened the door.

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Comments

Guess we will find out which

Guess we will find out which way it works out for Nathan. Will he stay Nathan or possibly become the female version of his former self?

Only two possibles?

"Whatever happened in this building would hopefully determine if he woke up tomorrow as a boy or a girl. Either he’d get his answers, or the owner would call the cops about the girl who was blaming him for some kind of witchcraft."

He/she's not even considering at least two other possibles I can think of. In both these other scenarios, the owner of the establishment knows exactly what he's talking about, but either can't, or won't, reverse it. In which case she'll be the one waking up tomorrow, and she'll just have to get used to her new life. Kind of a crappy ending for me, but it is all too possible. Honestly, I'm rooting for him to get things fixed. This story has been leaning a little too close to identity death for my taste. I -MIGHT- be able to accept that she has to remain a girl, but can get all of his non-gender-specific old preferences back. Like scary stuff being enjoyable, video games, not being such a neat freak... I mean, seriously, these things are not inherently male.

Abigail Drew.

Right cookie, wrong person

Jamie Lee's picture

He definitely isn't a happy camper, and wants his old self back.

But will the answer be at the restaurant?

Others have feelings too.