Who Was I - 24

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In which Bill finds out some more about his class, and Ruth gets more excitement than she expected out of her research.

Who Was I

By: Annette MacGregor

"Ruth. What's up?"

"Dad, just wanted to let you know I got a call today from some organization. They were asking about my interest in Dr. Pfister's papers."

"You're kidding aren't you?"


Part 24   Tuesday afternoon (14-Nov-06)

Well, that was a productive morning. Let's see, an hour and a half until Ginny makes her presence known. I can get a quick lunch and read some of that material I got last week. I think those memos by the teacher would be a good idea. The intro certainly was.

 
It is becoming apparent that these three children have reached maximum benefit from the techniques used in this class. Therefore, I will continue this for the remainder of the grading period to insure that the lessons have been completely internalized. Unless something changes between now and then, I anticipate terminating the class at that time. In order to allow these children to continue to excel, I will identify appropriate additional enrichment classes which they can be shifted into for the second and subsequent quarters this year. It is my belief that moving them back with their peers at this point will be most beneficial to them.

Please forward notification of this to their teacher and parents. Express my gratitude for being allowed to work with such outstanding students.

 

First Memo after one month of school in fourth grade

 
The past month has confirmed my impression of a month ago. These children have achieved the goal set for them and are now ready to be returned to the mainline of their peers. As they are outstanding students and far above typical in intelligence, I believe continued participation in the normal enrichment classes provided by your school and continuation into the honors programs at the upper schools will be appropriate and reinforce what they have learned.

It is my belief, based on a year of close observation, that the students should continue enrichment in following areas:

Leslie Wyman: Electronics, mathematics and Theatre
Karen Stewart: Music, crafts and Theatre
Stacy Hauptman: Writing, mathematics and mechanics

In addition, Leslie should be encouraged to participate in more team sports. His experience last year in baseball was a start, but he needs to participate several consecutive years to continue his growth as a team player. The two Girls should also be encouraged to remain active. They have demonstrated higher than normal propensity for sports. However, it is less critical for their long term development.

I expect all three children to experience a period of disruption when the class ends, and will be available through the Christmas holidays should anything occur requiring immediate attention.

Thank you for allowing me to run this experimental education class with the children. Hopefully the fruits will make it back into the curriculum for all students in the future.

 

Second Memo closing the class

Hmmm. That does seem to confirm that I'd continue to have had classes with them. And, this teacher doesn't sound like the evil man I'd have expected from what seems to have been done. Maybe someone else did that conditioning. I wonder, do the report cards indicate the enrichment classes. Hmmm. Yes! Well, I was in those classes in fourth grade, and again in fifth. That's a good indicator that the doctor's recommendations were followed. There's something else about that note. YES. The baseball note. I wasn't thinking about it at the time, but I remember that I was really lousy in third and fourth grade, but apparently started to do much better in fifth grade. Hmmm. How come I remember enjoying it and playing hard in fifth and sixth grade, but had no interest in continuing by the time I got to seventh grade. And, while I played catch with Craig as a kid I never got into following sports like a lot of the other dads. Maybe I should talk about that with Dr. Flynn on Friday.

# - # - # - # - #

That evening

"Bill, I've not had much success on my own in finding those two ladies, so I hired a PI that Nick recommended. He said she's really good and very discrete."

"You think that's necessary Becky? So far, we've done pretty well."

"Bill, based on what you said last night, I think speed is a bit more important than I'd previously thought. And, we agreed that I'd take care of this." At my nod, she continued. "She thought she would have something for us by the end of the week, if they were still in the area."

"Wow, that fast?"

"Well, she does do this kind of thing for a living Bill."

"Right. Well if Nick says she's good, she must be. He's hard to impress."

"I know. That's why I gave him a call. And, before you ask, he didn't ask why we needed a PI. With someone else, he might have wondered about sleeping around or some such." I sputtered at that.

"Becky. You didn't imply something like that did you?"

She laughed, and continued. "Of course not. I said we needed someone to do some checking on something within the family that we didn't want spread around and didn't really have time to do right ourselves. But, you should have seen your face there."

"Come here you clown!"

# - # - # - # - #

Wednesday Evening

"Dad?" I glanced over at my laptop at the alert. It was Ruth. Wonder what she wanted at this hour.

"Ruth. What's up?"

"Dad, just wanted to let you know I got a call today from some organization. They were asking about my interest in Dr. Pfister's papers."

"You're kidding aren't you?"

"No dad. I think I satisfied them when I described my class and paper, but I thought you should know."

"Thanks kiddo. You'd best back off a bit. We don't want you getting in trouble."

"Oh, no problem dad. I'm only looking at unclassified documents. They can't do anything."

"Well, tell your professor about their call. I'm sure he'll be interested in hearing that someone's questioning one of his student's research."

"Oh, good idea dad. I'll also send an e-mail to Dr. Wong."

"You have her address?"

"Yes dad, she gave it to me yesterday while you were spaced. I might be able to do my honors research with her. She has an Adjunct position at one of the other schools in the system. That's one of the reasons she wasn't available to do your sessions some of the time, and why her private practice isn't that big."

"Oh, I thought it was just 'cause she was new to the area."

"LOL Dad. Don't worry. I just wanted you to know about the outside interest in that teacher of yours. Anything else going on?"

"Well, I read some more reports he'd provided at the class closure. It sure doesn't sound like he's an evil man from them."

"Not in the two papers I read either dad, but those were all formal and such. I've been looking to see if I can find anything else he may have published, but nothing seems to be available. That's something else I talked to Dr. Wong about."

"Okay Ruth, just be careful!"

"NP dad. Talk to you later."

# - # - # - # - #

Thursday evening

"Bill, Jane Dickenson gave me a call today. She's already found them."

"Who?"

"Jane Dickenson, she's the PI Bill." At my nod, she continued. "She said she was mailing me their contact info, and will try to pick up some additional background on both of them for us as well."

"You mean she'll just find two people based on us asking her too?"

"Not exactly. For her to do what we needed, I had to give her some background." At my apparently worried look, she continued. "Bill. She's a professional. Before she was willing to look for these two ladies, she needed to know a bit about them, and why we might need to find them. Since we were recommended by Nick, I don't think she was just protecting herself. She said background would help her identify the right two individuals and not someone else with the same name, which makes sense to me."

"Okay Becky, you're running with this one. What's next, now that she's found them?"

"I was going to try to call once the letter gets here, and see if I could meet with her." I heaved a sigh with that. "I don't know that you meeting either of them, at this point would be very productive Bill. You don't even remember them, except for some maybe memories of when you were in third grade!"

"Thanks Becky. I guess I'm just a bit stressed over all of this. But, then I've said that before too."

"I know you're stressed Bill. I'm here to talk to any time, and you'll be seeing Dr. Flynn tomorrow afternoon won't you?"

"That's right. Quite a bit to update her on, don't you think?"

"Well, you tell her what you need to Bill. She's there to give you another resource for dealing with whatever happens with this."

"Thanks Becky. You're right."

# - # - # - # - #

Friday afternoon

"Well Doctor, a lot's happened this week, and a few of them were a bit disturbing."

"Shall we start with the first then Mr. Wyman?

"Okay. Let's see. First, last Sunday Becky and I visited with my Great Aunt Rachel, like I said we'd do."

"Was she able to confirm your dream Mr. Wyman?"

"I'm afraid she did more than that Dr. Flynn."

"More?"

"Ummm. Yea. Apparently that wasn't an isolated event."

"Really? In that event, did she end up taking you out to see your parents?"

"No, she said she was joking with me."

"How about the other times you were dressed? Did anyone see you?"

"Ummm apparently yes. We went out in public and such. That's where the 'sister' came from."

"So, did anyone you know find out? Your parents? Grand parents? Friends?"

"Ummm. Yes, or so she said."

"Really? Do you want to talk about this Mr. Wyman?"

"I do, it's just a bit embarrassing to me. Specially in light of the reading material you gave me."

"Is that so? Why don't you just tell me what you want to about this?"

I then went on to describe my dressing for several years, and the last summer with the two friends from the picture I'd shown her the previous week. I also explained how Aunt Rachel had said she was about to tell my parents, but I seemed to suddenly quit the by the next summer, so she never did.

"That's fascinating Mr. Wyman. What is it about it that bothers you?"

"Does all that dressing mean I'm trans gendered?"

"Well, if you'd come here looking to discover that, and had continued to do so, or at least have desires in that direction, I'd have guessed that maybe you were. Today. Well, we've not delved into that time, or your more recent history enough to make a judgment. However, you can probably make that assessment yourself. Even if you'd been brought to me that last summer, we wouldn't know based on what you've told me. It's possible you dressed because you liked the clothing, and identified with your mother, or you might have thought you were a girl, or any number of other possibilities. Does that help?"

"Thanks, I think."

"So, something else is also bothering you it seems."

"Yes. Monday I may have recovered a memory with Dr. Wong."

"Would you like to describe it?"

I went on to tell her about the session, including the bit where I recalled seeming to call myself one of the girls. I also described how the session had ended with the beginning of the session with the person I seemed to think was the person that taught my enrichment class, and how that combined with the bits of selective memory loss around my two classmates going on into the future had lead Dr. Wong to hypothesize that I might have been tampered with, but that this didn't make any sense to her.

"I can see how that might have been disturbing at the time. How do you feel about it now Mr. Wyman?"

"I'm not sure about referring to myself as a girl. That could just have been my memory playing tricks. What's disturbed me is the possibility someone may have mucked with my mind and made me into someone I wasn't."

"Well, if you expressed this concern to Dr. Wong, I'm sure she assured you that you have a large body of experiences and you're a whole person today. You might have some missing memories, but they make up a small part of your life now, and recovery of them would not be likely to have a great impact on who you are today. Whether the memory loss was caused by someone, or some accident, shouldn't make a great difference on how you integrate those memories as you recover them. If they were not accidentally lost, it may be more difficult to recover them, but they shouldn't change who you are today."

"That's about what Dr. Wong said, but I'm following your description better. I don't know if you're just wording it better, or I was so out of it on Monday that my mind wasn't working at full strength."

"Thank you. Is that all? Or have you been living in interesting times again?"

"That's probably the two big things. There have been a few less important things. Like I read some more memos the special class wrote toward its end. In them, he seemed very sympathetic toward us. Not at all like I'd expect from someone that was manipulating the brains of children, or anyone else for that matter. And, that doesn't really mesh with the description of the man that my third grade teacher gave. I just find that curious."

"Okay then, if those issues aren't bothering you, I want to remind you that we're normally closed next Friday, since it's the day after Thanksgiving. But, if you need me, you have my emergency number."

"Thanks Dr. Flynn. I appreciate that. It's really helped me talking through all of this."

# - # - # - # - #

That evening

"Well Bill, how'd it go this afternoon? Were you able to work through things with Dr. Flynn?"

"Actually Becky, it was more help than I expected. I had two big shocks this week that really shook me to the core."

She gave me a big hug then. "I know Bill, Aunt Rachel's story shook me a little, until I remembered I've known you for over half your life, and even if that was true, it was only a few years. You're still the man I married!"

"And, both Dr. Flynn and Dr. Wong both assured me again that even if I recover my memories, they'll be just that memories and should affect me no more than any other memory. Some will probably be good and some not so good."

"That's good to hear Bill. And, if they disturb you, we'll work through them."

"Thanks Becky. There was some more disturbing stuff on Monday, besides Dr. Wong's Hypothesis. That memory?"

"Yes Bill, where you talked about the birthday part."

"That's it Becky, what I didn't tell you that night, was that if what we got was a real memory, I identified myself as a girl in the scene."

"Bill, that's not all that surprising taken with what Aunt Rachel said. But, I still don't think it changes who you are." She reassured me. "If something was really done, that changed you some how, I doubt it was too large a change. You're too complete a person for me to believe you're some sorta brain washed robot or something. There are some issues, and we're working through them. You're very concern is reassuring to me!" We sat there hugging for a while after that. Was I a wimp to be so worried? What did I disserve to have such a wonderful wife? "Anything else this week Bill?"

"Apparently someone contacted Ruth about her looking into that teacher's publications for her course paper."

"WHAT?"

"She IM'd me the other night. She said it wasn't serious or anything. Just surprised that some organization was watching access to his work."

"I hope she has talked to her professor about that!"

"I told her too. Maybe when the two of you chat tomorrow you can make sure she does."

"Oh, I will. Be sure of that! Oh, and I've got you covered for Monday with Dr. Wong."

"That's good, on both counts Becky! Oh, did the contact info come in on Karen and Stacy?"

"No not yet. I'll let you know.


To Be Continued… What will happen on Monday? Does Ruth being contacted mean anything? What really happened to Bill? Will either of the girls talk to Becky? Will Ginny notice anything more?
 
Author’s Note: Thanks for all of your comments! They really help me, and encourage me to keep going on this story.

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Comments

Oh my!

This story is by far the most painful out of all of them I've read, however, I think... I need to face this, so I can recover my own lost memories. I don't know if something like that may have been attempted on me, though I do know if they did they failed horribly xD Even though I lost my memories, I still knew who I was and what was my real name. Oh I also remembered my birthname, but yeah you know.

 

    I just got to be me :D

 

I know who I am, I am me, and I like me ^^
Transgender, Gamer, Little, Princess, Therian and proud :D

The Memory Debacle

Gwen For me, it all started in later life, and my being jealous of women. (I was married, and deeply in love with my then wife.) As time went on, waaaay before realizing I was T, my X once told me that she was not going to allow me to live my life out vicariously through her. There is much I've left out of it all, so I can just tell the story of my memory recovery. I knew that I hated men all my life. Worse yet, I was one. I eventually realized that I was transgendered. In the early 80's, my X and I talked about the problem, much like Bill and his wife are talking now. At that time, she said that she could not stand my being a woman in the same house with her. My love for her, and my sense of responsibility as a christian, made me try extremely hard to just "stuff it" and go on with life. I valued my relationship with her and my children above my own identity.

It wasn't until 20 years later that my X had grown distant because of her career; she is a very powerful and dynamic woman; that the SHE within me began to literally force her way out. I was also bereft because all my babies had grown up, gotten married and left.

It was during all the therapy that happened since that the early childhood memories have begun to filter back in. By then I was out and living as a woman, I'd been abandoned by my family and church. I'd been seriously injured, dealing with pain all the time and had no job.

The first memories were of being a toddler and being dressed in a pretty yellow dress. I wanted to go out and play in the dirt with the boys, but Mom said, "No Gwen, you'll get your pretty clothing all dirty".

Then, later I remembered my first haircut, with my Mom bawling, my stepfather being extremely angry and him sitting me on a stack of phone books; forcibly cutting my hair. It was only a little later that I first found out that they thought I was a boy. I don't think that I actually saw a pussy until I was almost 20. But I knew that girls were different, much nicer than boys, and got these adorable lumps on their chests. They got to wear pretty clothing too!

In the last year, I have remembered that I once walked into the living room, sat down with all the others. I began to think about who I was. It didn't take me long to understand that I was most like my Sister, and my Mom. I had no desire to be like my brothers and most certainly, nothing like my step father. I then got up, went into my sister's room an put her skirt on, and walked back into the living room. The scene that happened that day rivaled Armageddon. It was awful. After that, I was in deep stealth for the rest of my life until about 2000. I was about 5 at the time.

Be careful what you try to remember. It may hurt more than you want it to.

Gwen Brown

I'd been in therapy...

...recoverin' memories. After a while, I stopped goin' to the therapist. The memories I started gettin' were too hard to deal with, and I didn't have the strength to deal with any more. Lately, I kinda been thinkin' maybe I'm ready to dive into that again. Not 'zactly sure though. Sometimes, the past can be pretty scary.

Now I Wonder Just Who Did It To Bill

It seems as if the Doctor that initiated the special program was not the bad guy we thought he was. If not him, then who is interested in Rachel's investigating the records on her Fathers behalf. Could some Top Secret Agency be responsible? Will be interesting to see what happens next.
May Your Light Forever Shine

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine