This is a story set in the 1800’s about a family that has lost every family member except the youngest son and his twin sister. Then his sister dies of smallpox and he manages to persuade his mother to let him become his deceased sister.

I originally wrote this some 2 years ago then my muse departed so for some reason I couldn’t commit anything to paper, which meant that the story stopped at chapter 13 (superstitious?) Now my muse has returned and I find that I can continue but I was left with the problem of what to do whether to carry on and post chapter 14 in the hope people would pick up the story or repost from scratch. Having asked the opinions were varied and as a result I have decided to post up the chapter 13 at a episode every couple of days then after this a weekly posting – I hope you all approve.
I realise that the language of the time is difficult to read (and difficult to write) so I have done an amalgam of the vernacular of the time and modern speech patterns

As I write this remembering back to the year 1801. What a terrible year this was for my whole family. The events of this year had many far-reaching effects on all of our lives.

We were part of the English Aristocracy my father Sir Edmund Grenford was the Baronet of Grenford. We lived in Grenford Hall a large Elizabethan house in the north of England, which was rebuilt at the start of the 1700’s to the modern style.

The war with Napoleon had been going on since 1796 with no end in sight. One of the first engagements by the British Navy namely the battle of the Nile I had lost my eldest brother William he was a midshipman on HMS Goliath commanded by Captain Thomas Foley who saw that the French fleet had left an opening for a ship to sail between the shallows and the waiting French Fleet.
Foley acting on this chance managed to get to the French Fleet and pounded the vessel leading the van of the French the Guerrier; it was during this action that my brother was killed aged 15.

Now in 1801 our family consisted of my Father Sir Edmund Grenford he was a kind considerate parent from what I remember. But being a Naval officer was rarely home.

My Mother Lady Arabella Grenford consequently was the head of the household she was a very attractive woman in her mid 40’s long copper coloured hair and a very strong will she was very stylish in her clothes and loved by all. She loved the season when we all decamped to London for ‘The Season’ which was from April/May to August adoring opera and the theatre.

My second brother Edward on the death of William became the sole heir to the title and estates of Grenford. He also was in the navy and at present was serving on HMS Hannibal as a midshipman he was now 16 and would soon be sitting his examinations. Edward was a fun loving very sensitive boy who loved music and was an accomplished artist.

Finally there was myself Charles and my twin sister Charlotte at this time we were nine years old. We looked very similar in fact when we were younger we dressed the same and it was hard to tell us apart. (In the 1800’s it was perfectly normal to dress boys in female attire until they were about 5 years old when they wore tight fitting clothes named ‘Skeleton suits before progressing into breeches)
As well as looking alike we also had similar temperaments both of us were musical and both of us were reasonable water colour painters and as was normal we could ride well and we were both very sensitive children.

1801 started as any normal year over the winter we were sat home then we went to London for the season.
In London where mama loved the opera, theatre and the social whirl that was London society.
We returned to Grenford Hall in the June and took up our lives in the country.
Then came the first bolt from the blue – our beloved father was killed in the Battle of Copenhagen; he was serving on HMS Glatton of 56 guns whose captain was a certain William Bligh who father described as the consummate seaman and navigator.
He must have died before we moved back to the country because the news reached us in the middle of June – he actually fell on the 2nd April.
The death of our father hit my dear mama very hard she withdrew into herself for a month or so leaving us in the care of our governess.
Miss Martha for that is what we called her had been my mother’s governess she was in her late 60’s her hair tied back in a severe bun, which really belied her kind and generous nature.
As for the two of us we mourned the loss of our father and I realised that in a few years time I too would be following my father and brothers into the Navy the very thought of this caused me to shiver in trepidation – not that I was afraid but I feared for my dear mama.

After a month mama returned to us still in mourning. The day of the commemoration funeral was very traumatic with lots of weeping. Afterwards all the adults repaired back to the hall for refreshments while us children were sent to the nursery and our governess.

The end of June brought more bad tidings my second brother Edward serving on HMS Hannibal had been captured by the French during the First Battle of Algeciras from the information we received the vessel had run aground and had been boarded by the French where my brother was wounded – more than that we didn’t know.
Dear mama again retired from us being so upset at the lack of news about Edward.
Again we were looked after by Miss Martha who kept on telling us that we had to be strong as we were the only family mama now had.
Summer passed and things gradually returned to normal or as normal as they could be with our recent bad news.

News from France finally arrived at the end of August. Edward was indeed a prisoner of the French he had lost his leg and according to the letter we received was an imbecile so he would soon be sent home to England.
Mama took this stoically at least Edward was alive though what his mental state was we would only know when he was repatriated.

The finally at the end of September my dear sister and my best friend succumbed to smallpox and died.
After all we had been through this death hit me so very hard I was inconsolable mama was so distressed but put on a brave face to help me face the truth.
The day Charlotte died I clung to my mother sobbing telling her, “Mama, I promise you I will never, never leave you.” I let out a wail finishing, “There is only us two left Oh mama.”
She stroked my long copper hair comforting me saying, “Edward is alive dearest so we are not alone.” She continued to stroke my hair telling me, “And soon my dear you will have to go and do your duty as much as it distresses.”
I was distraught at this saying, “Oh mama if only I had died Charlotte would be with you Oh how I wish I could change places with Charlotte I would give anything to do that and keep you company!”

Mama looked at me strangely and snapped, “Charles you don’t mean that why on earth would you want to live your life as a woman?”
I sobbed pitifully at that and my deepest feeling exploded from my 9 year old soul, “Why? Mama why? I’m afraid that I too will die like Papa and William or worse be wounded and be half a person!” I use the word person deliberately as I had thoughts that I kept to myself.
I looked at my dearest mama through my tears and sobbed, “I’m a coward I am so sorry.”

My mother continued to stroke my hair she deep in thought finally she answered, “You are no coward Charles you are a sensitive caring loving person and I would hate to loose you – but are you aware of what you have just said?”
Just then there was a knock at the room door and when mama called “Enter” Miss Martha popped her head around the door saying, “Doctor Crawford is here m’lady.”
Mama straightened up saying, “Martha have the good doctor wait in the drawing room. Arrange some refreshments for him then we will put Charles to bed give him something to help him sleep then I need to talk with you.”

This was done and when I was given the potion unseen I tipped it into the chamber pot making sure that mama and Miss M didn’t see me.
I pretended to drift off to sleep mama and Miss Martha sat in the room to talk and I overheard everything.
Wearily mama sighed and started speaking, “Martha dear we have been together for many years now I am at a crossroads.”
Martha sighed and said, “Dearest Arabella you have been through purgatory these last few months. You surely must know that I would do anything for you.”

Mother gave another heavy sigh and continued, “Charles is all I have left it would break my heart to loose him – dear child. You know the saying ‘out of the mouths of babes?”
Miss Martha nodded responding, “And what did he say that has got you into that state?”
My mother smiled answering, “I never could hide anything from you dearest Martha. He told me that he wished he could take dear Charlotte’s place and I wondered if.................”
Martha looked sharply at my mother then at my supposed sleeping form – my eyes snapped shut to maintain the pretence but my mind was working overtime – was mama thinking what I thought she was thinking?

“Dearest Arabella” Martha began “Are you considering burying dear Charlotte as Charles then Charles become Charlotte?”
A weary sounding mother responded with a heavy sigh, “Yes this is exactly what I am proposing but only if Charles realises the ramification of it all. But Martha dearest Martha should we, could it be done?”
There was silence in the room my mind was in turmoil finally after what seemed like an age Martha stirred and thoughtfully answered, “It can be done dear. I would need to speak with Old Mother Boville, as we will need something to make his body change. Also there’s Doctor Crawford downstairs come to verify the death we need to do something very quickly dear.”

“But is it right?” Mama queried. Miss Martha answered with compassion, “Arabella dear what is right and what is wrong? Everyone thinks the war is right but the good book tells us that war is wrong, that killing is wrong but we need to know what the dear boy thinks – he is so young to be making such a decision!”
Listening to this my mind was made up. A coward I may be in the eyes of others but my dear mama needed me and in truth I needed her.
I spoke up making both of them jump as they thought me fast asleep, “I will do it mama I will become Charlotte – please believe me that this is my dearest wish.”

Miss Martha was the first to react, “Eaves dropping! What have I told you about that!”
“S,s,s,sorry but I..............” I managed to stammer before mother waved me to be silent.
“My dearest child you are only nine do you really understand the enormity of what you are saying for if we pursue this there will be no going back?”
I looked at her solemnly I suppose not fully understanding the ramification of what I was about to say, “Yes mama I understand this my fondest with is to live and to bring you comfort all my life.
And Miss Martha said we had to act quickly.” I stopped there awaiting their decision.

Mama stood her long dress swishing as she walked across to me, taking my hand she looked deeply into my eyes and asked, “Are you sure, absolutely certain my dear as you are so young to make such a decision as this.”
I took a deep breath answering, “Yes mama I am certain – please believe me.”
She looked at me with compassion telling me, “You realise that if we go this there will be no going back you will have to live your life as a woman and a spinster at that?”
I didn’t even have to think this seemed so right, “Please mama believe me this is what I want.”
Mother glanced at Miss Martha who nodded slowly saying, “It would appear that the child is sure of her mind.” I didn’t miss the ‘her’ neither did mama who straightened up her mind made up.

“Now the decision is made Martha please go and prepare dear Charlotte so as she resembles Charles then come and find me I will be in Charlottes room with Charles – or should I say Charlotte.
We passed the room where my dear sister lay mother bade me wait outside while she went in.
I heard he whisper, “Please my dearest child please forgive me for I simply cannot loose my last child.”
Then she broke down in tears sobbing, “I will pray for your understanding and forgiveness dearest girl.”
I heard Martha gasp, “M’lady she smiles I swear she smiles. She lives.” There was a bit of a kerfuffle in the room and I heard mother say, “Dearest Martha there is no life in her dear body but I hope the smile is one of understanding as from now on God will be my judge!”

Mother came out of the room looking drawn, looking at me she asked, “Are you really sure that you want to pursue this course of action?” I looked her straight in the eye and answered, “Mama I am certain.”
My mother gave a grim smile and responded, “Come then child let us start your new life. Remember you brother Charles in dead – come Charlotte.”

Historical Note: - At this time the only examination that doctors carried out when certifying that someone was dead was very basic making sure that there was no pulse and holding a mirror to the mouth to ensure that there was no breathing.
The Royal Navy took midshipmen in from 'noble' families at the age of 12 years old, though 13 or 14 was more usual.
Their training was to become the officers in charge of vessels to this end the had to learn everything about naval warfare including being in the thick of any action either as a signal midshipman or midshipman of a deck (a gun deck) they were usually in the thick of the action and mortality rates were high but if the did survive they made exceptional seamen.
The mention of a funeral in this episode - apart from Lord Nelson it was usual for all the dead to be buried at sea including Post Captains so in truth there was no body to grieve over the funeral was in fact a commemoration in the style of a funeral for the person and a headstone raised in their memory