Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 171

Printer-friendly version

"Cor, something smells nice," said Simon, handing Tom a couple of bottles of wine. He then walked up to me and embracing me said, "Yes something smells very nice." Finally, he kissed me.

Easy As Falling Off A Bike.
by Angharad & Bonzi Kiddle.
part 171.

I organised myself in the kitchen, checking utensils, knives and things and put the oven on to warm. Prepared the meat and put it safe on top of the cooker, hopefully too high for spaniels with ambition.

I got on with preparing the various veg I'd bought, starting with the potatoes. I peeled a whole saucepan full and quartered them. I parboil mine before roasting they should then be nice and soft inside.

Tom was fiddling in the house, doing something, I don't know what. I made the batter for the yorkshire puds and greased the tin, I'd bought rapeseed oil, it doesn't form transfats on heating like some do.

Then, after a cuppa, I took one to Tom who was checking his wine collection. By the time I'd drunk it, the spuds were half cooked and went in with the meat, though not in the same tin, I would want to crisp them later and shove them in the top of the oven, after the Yorkshires were done.

Then it was peeling carrots and slicing, taking the Kale off its stalks and doing some mushrooms. I also sliced an onion. These last two items went in with the joint along with the garlic I'd spread over it first, but not enough to taste other than as a hint.

It was all cooking by itself, so I found the vacuum cleaner and whizzed around with that, then checked the toilets and washbasins. Tom sniggered and shook his head.

"What's tickled you?" I asked.

"I haven't seen anyone do that since I had a woman living here."

"Meaning?" I asked assertively.

"It seems to be a woman thing."

"I didn't know it was gender selective, to clean the toilet." I wasn't sure if he was complimenting me or taking the piss.

"Cathy, I am trying to say that I appreciate a woman's touch around the place, that's all."

"Oh," I blushed. "I thought you had a woman who cleans for you."

"She does an hour or two a week, only keeps the worst of it down. It's just nice to have a female living here again, even if it's only temporary."

"Erm... I have to check the roasties," I scrambled to the kitchen, blushing furiously. They were of course fine. The clock showed one, I had an hour to finish everything.

"Are you happy to carve Tom?"

"Yes, there's one of those spiked carving dishes somewhere." I found it and wiped it over. Then began laying the table. I opened the horseradish sauce and also some English mustard, although I don't like either, too harsh for my little gob. In fact, I'd just as soon have a tuna jacket potato as all this cholesterol.

I warmed the tin for the Yorshires and spooned in the batter when it was hot enough, then whipped it back at the top of the oven. They may well be a disaster, but I was pretty sure about everything else.

Tom had changed, so I ran up and showered very quickly, threw on the first skirt and top that matched, some socks and my red boots.

I checked everything, and despite my fears the Yorkshires looked to have risen and browned, and weren't all gooey and uncooked in the middle. The veg was cooked and waiting and the roasties were browning nicely.

I ran back up to my room, did the quickest makeup job I think I've ever done, squirted some smellies, and was putting on my earrings, some dangly ones as I came down the stairs. Then combed my hair in the cloakroom, it would do, it was mostly dry.

The door bell rang and I wrapped a teatowel around me to act as a pinny, well I doubted Tom would have any, I put it on my mental list to get some more for me anyway.

Tom answered the door, whilst I stood back and kept an eye on the kitchen.

"Cor, something smells nice," said Simon, handing Tom a couple of bottles of wine. He then walked up to me and embracing me said, "Yes something smells very nice." Finally, he kissed me.

I missed the other two coming in, as the dinner needed me. I refused offers to help and began dishing up veg and carrying it through. Tom was already carving the beef which had 'rested' for a short time. Everything was coming along beautifully, when the relative peace was shattered by a commotion somewhere at the back of the house.

We all rushed to the French windows just in time to see a fox flying across his yard and into the woodshed. Shortly behind were a dozen or more large dogs, at which Tom called in his barking spaniel, before the foxhounds chewed her up instead of the fox.

Tom's house is an old farmhouse, with a rambling yard and huge garden, well a couple of fields really, which has prevented developers from building around him.

The arrival of the dogs was soon followed by the riders, breaking down hedges and fences. Hunters are big horses and quite intimidating to people like me. I may be a sagittarian but I am shit scared of large horseflesh, but not of the small brained twat on it's back.

Tom charged out swearing and threatening, who ever was in charge of the hunt, which is supposed to be a drag hunt, as killing animals with dogs is currently prohibited, although no one has told the dogs. So if they get a scent of a fox, it's business as usual.

I felt this total conflict within me. I despise hunting and wanted to get out there and shout and scream at the fools on the horses which were shitting all over Toms yard and garden. The horses I mean, although the way Tom was ranting, the riders might also be filling their pants.

My conflict was my anger with the hunters and my fear of the horses. I stood back with Stella and Pippa as Simon tried to calm things down, pulling Tom off the one rider who had dismounted. The dogs were going bananas around the woodshed but were too big to get in after the fox.

Another rider dismounted and was now jostling Simon, not a good idea. I told Pippa to call the police, and began to join the fray. Anger was now stronger.

The third rider, who was about to grab Simon who had just whacked the second one, didn't see me coming, or the brush I had in my hand. I whipped it up hard between his legs from behind, he squealed and turned around and I laid him out with a second whack to the chin.

Those on horseback who didn't retreat got whacked and they did after that. Someone grabbed me and the brush, but Stella hit him on the behind with the small whip dropped by the one the one I'd knocked down. He turned around and my elbow met his solar plexus and a moment later Simon's knuckles gave him breathing problems. "Leave her alone you bastard," he said or something like it.

Tom and the first rider were still arguing furiously when the sound of police sirens got everyone's attention.

Two police crews arrived and after an hour of furious claims and counter claims, of affray and trespass, criminal damage, assault, grievous bodily harm, attempted murder, cruelty to animals, high treason and blasphemy, the hunt withdrew and promised to pay for the damage caused.

We all retired back to the dining room, where a certain spaniel was asleep and the carved, roast joint had disappeared.

"Your dinner is in the dog," I said and the place erupted with laughter. The veg had stayed warm, although with a tin of corned beef, wasn't quite the same.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

If you enjoyed this leave a recipe!

up
168 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos

Comments

Fun, fun and more fun

Easy As .. has now achieved the status of a needed daily fix. If there is none tomorrow I will go into withdrawal.

marie c.

marie c.

I'm with Cathy 100%

I loathe the whole ethos of fox-hunting. On one occasion we were mending a puncture at the side of the road when huntsman appeared and arrogantly told us to move on as the hunt was coming this way and he didn't want us to turn the fox. We were on a (tarmac) Roman road that had been a public right of way for almost 2000 years and told him to get stuffed.

Good on yer Cathy - and the spaniel did you a good turn, or would have done if you'd eschewed the meat altogether LOL

Geoff

Here's a recipe

McDonald's hamburger

Ingredients: 1 liter of rum and 1 2-liter bottle of your preferred cola beverage; 1 McDonald's hamburger

How to make: Combine 2 parts cola with 1 part rum in ice-filled glass.

Drink, repeat as necessary; then unwrap hamburger and throw away.

KJT

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose"
Janis Joplin


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

No, No, No.....

it is two parts rum and one part cola.

Hugs,

LeiaMarie

substitutions

Can I substitute whiskey for rum? I've never really liked rum, but Jack and cokes... MMMMMMMMM. *Hic*

Much love.
Toni

Stuffed Pooch...

This is not the first time a dog has eaten the dinner (or desert)... I know our Samoyed (& her predicessor) both have comsumed things originally destined for the dinner table. *sighs*

Paying for dammages is not sufficient penalty. It should be worse!

busy

I was sitting here reading this particular offering, and a weird thought came to mind. I was thinking about all the people waiting with bated breathe for each offering, and then they all stay glued to the monitor until they finish reading it. As the popularity spreads, more and more people are tied up and busy at close to the same time each evening. My quirky little mind flashed on What is Angharad doing while we are all glued to the screen. And I saw.......

2 little dormice, 1 blonde with a big head and the other was wearing a black coat, and the blonde one was saying something about trying to take over as they do every night.

Forget .....

Angharad's picture

...your medication again Stace? Talking dormice, whatever next?

hugs,

Angharad 8)

Angharad

LOL

"Hey Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"

"Same thing we do every night Pinky... Try to take over the world."

Oh wow, how I miss that show. LOL

Much love for Animaniacs.
Toni

Another great line

I sighed with pleasure as i read this one...

"Cor, something smells nice," said Simon, handing Tom a couple of bottles of wine. He then walked up to me and embracing me said, "Yes something smells very nice." Finally, he kissed me."

I guess Simon is pretty clueless most of the time but now and then he gets things just right.

Agree on the foxhunt comments. Why not just ride the horses through the countryside and enjoy the scenery without the noisy dogs. Bring a camera and a picnic lunch.

Seems like Cathy handled the dog eating her roast well but if I was her I'd have been a little pissed off at the puppy for doing away with all of her hard work in cooking it. Reality check too....Dogs are pretty omnivorous, probably would have tried the veg and certainly wouldn't have passed up the yorkshire pudding if it was made the way I used to (in the roast drippings).

woody

Speedy Mushrooms

erin's picture

Measurements are approximate as I never measure this. :)

20 to 24 ozs. small Crimini mushrooms (baby Portabellas).
Two tablespoons butter
Two tablespoons olive oil
Two tablespoons minced garlic (two cloves)
One yellow onion or two shallots, cut into thin strings or chopped
Half cup of beef stock (you can use beef pan drippings mixed with hot water and leave out the olive oil, beef bouillon is third best)
Half cup of cheap red wine or some tart fruit juice or half and half fruit juice/coffee mixture
1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire

In a large saucepan or heavy skillet on medium heat, cook the onion/shallot in the butter until it begins to change color, about two minutes. Turn the heat down to medium low and add the thoroughly cleaned mushrooms. Pour the olive oil over the mix and stir until 'shrooms are fairly well coated. Add the beef stock and simmer for about five minutes, stirring two or three times to thoroughly turn all the 'shrooms. Turn the heat down to low. Add wine and stir a few times for another five minutes or so then add garlic and Wocestershire and stir a few times. Turn heat to very low and go do something else in the kitchen while keeping an eye on this. When reduction is almost complete, turn heat back up to medium low and stir frequently until there's no wet liquid (just oil) left in pan.

Serve as a side dish and make gravy with the oil left in the pan or stick toothpicks though the mushrooms and serve as appetizers. They will go fast! :)

I make these (at their house) anytime a friend throws a party, so people always invite me to the best parties. :)

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

It's differant in the States

NoraAdrienne's picture

Hunting in the Southern States is much differant then in England.. They run the fox to ground and then look for another fox to play with. The foxes are cared for by the hunt club who will put out food during the winter to make sure the fox dont starve.

these people...

... cannot seem to have an ordinary, quiet day.

And I can't seem to stop reading this.

One question - is there any celebrity that our heroine looks like? I'm having a difficult time drawing a mental picture of her, despite the descriptions.

re; these people...

I see no one has, as of yet, offered up a celeb who might be hired to play Cathy; so I'll offer one up for you. How about a young Kirsten Dunst? I think she has just the right blend of beauty and that "girl next door" appeal for the roll!

Jenny

Get some mustard

and honey. Mix this into a dressing, maybe you like to add some sweet white wine to. Just a little. You want a dressing with some bite to it, but not too much so.

Next chop up a large onion in half rings, smoked bacon in small squares. One or two garlic parts, -uhmm we call them teentjes : little toes- chop these up to in really small snips. Don't use a crusher ( Or what ever it's called, you know some vise like thingy, don't use that. )
Take a healthy amount of rucola aka arugula leafs and an even amount of corn salad leaves both loosely chopped. Now lightly roast some pine nuts, like a hand full or so. Lastly add a couple of cherry tomatoes in halves or quarts. Oh, save the bacon ( heh ) as one of the last to mix.

Mix this all together, and pour the dressing over it. Top it of by spreading it with some parmigiano-reggiano, parmesan cheese, not powder or so you need the flakes sort.

Really enjoy your labour Angharad, it's such fun to read. Thanks.

Jo-Anne

How about Roasted Spaniel?

But Seriously, I need a cookbook when I cook anything other than Spaghetti or Beef. Otherwise I wing it by using spices that smell good with what I'm cooking.

If Fox Hunting is Illegal, why weren’t they hauled off and booked? Wouldn't it count as poaching? Enlightenment in this regard would be appreciated. Otherwise another enjoyable installment, much appreciated.

Huggles,
Winnie

Huggles,

Winnie
Winnie_small.jpg

Yorkshire Spaniel

Drop one Spaniel stuffed with brisket in hot oil Then hurry to get it in the oven allow to cook until crunchy on the outside but not gooey on the inside.Over one billion chinese can't be wrong.Lol Amy

Spaniel?? Yuck!!!!!!

As the proud parent of three...count them, three...spaniels, I can say with some certainty that there is no way this breed could possibly taste good. They're far too spoilt :)

Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur

Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur

Spaniel yuck!!

It's not the crunchy spaniel that tastes good it's the brisket in the middle as long as it's not gooey.Lol Amy

Whats a Joint?

Hi. The recipie sounds good, with one small problem for those of us restricted to the central USA. What is the cut of meat represented by the term joint? And is it beef, pork, horse, or sheep?

In this neck of the woods, a Joint is a dimunitive word for a low class beer bar, and often referred to more formally as a Beer Joint, or refers to the anatomical description for one of the hinges allowing limb mobility.

I am enjoying the story, and look forward to the next installment. I hope you are feeling much better.

CaroL

CaroL

Joint

It's a cigarette that has marajuana in place of tobacco. Don't ask me how I know this. Just know from reading my stories, that I was not the most dilligant student when I was in college.

A Likely story

Or as well as and don't ask me how I know either...

Joint

erin's picture

A joint is a large roast from the thigh, ham, butt, leg or shoulder of the meat animal. Originally it probably meant something like a whole roast quarter of the animal but now it just means a roast large enough to cut into several portions, or at least two. :) The word does not specify the animal except not poultry, rabbit or fish. :) It's more UK than US in usage and in America, a butcher is likely to take you literally and give you some enormous bone-in roast if you asked for a joint of beef. :)

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

I remember hearing a British

I remember hearing a British comedienne talking about something that happened to her whilst she was in America. She wanted to cook a traditional English Sunday dinner and needed some meat for this. Unaware of the alternate American meaning of the word 'joint' she went to a butcher's shop and asked for a joint. The stunned butcher asked what she wanted it for. It caused even more confusion when she said she was going to put it in the oven. Apparently some people do this with their drugs for some reason.

Meat

A joint (in Ang's story) is any large cut of meat, and could be from any large mammal. Pretty much any roast, but I think it probably originally meant a bone in round roast, or a leg of mutton or pork or venison or whatever. (The meat between one joint, hip, and the next, knee.)

Leave a recipe?

Didn't we do all that yesterday? My Yorkshire's have never come out so good (well they would in text, in reality it's another matter).

I wondered whether I hadn't come in on a Nigella Lawson cookery programme to begin with, but then saw the name Cathy and breathed a sigh of relief tinged with disappointment as her cooking is sometimes just sublime.

Fortunately I never lost my dinner to the dog, just a watch. We only found part of the small buckle from the strap, but the thought of all that roast meat in one dog? He's going to be farting in technicolour for the next couple of days isn't he?

10 out of ten again Ang

NB

Recipe?

Angharad's picture

Which means 'receive thou'. Nah it's not Nigella, but as people were complaining about authors begging comments, and we had loadsa recipes last time, I asked for them instead. Hee hee, they're still longer than the story I cooked up.

Angharad

Angharad

Cooked up?

Perhaps I or you of course ought to do a story based around cookery and recipes?

The phatnom trifle snatcher, or perhaps if it's to be TG based, make it a mixed grill snaffler?

You reckon?

NB

I'm not sure it would be to my taste,

Angharad's picture

I have enough half-baked ideas as it is, but I give you carte blanche to try a confection or two. I'll leave to stew it over, while I saute cater for the rest(aurant).

Angharad

Angharad

knock it off....

Just go take pun in hand and cook up the next resipe for disaster in Cathy's life... LOL

Much love for the cook.
Toni

Stew over this then

It's not like me to fry off the handle, but I thought it'd be the icing on the cake. Sandwiched between the two of us was this culinary masterpiece just simmering away gently on the stove, waiting for us to mix in a few other ingredients and voila!

It's no good buttering me up like that giving me a la carte blanche, but dressing an idea like that would take a seasoned pro and not a parboiled amateur like myself.

Anyhow, I think I've peppered this with enough puns now.

Nice try Ang, but I take away this round.

NB

Roasting—French style

When I roast a joint, instead of dripping, oil or fat in the pan, I place the joint on a rack over a good stock (beef, lamb, pork or whatever, according the the meat). This then collects the juices from the meat and when reduced after the meat is cooked makes wonderful gravy, especially if you add a glass (or so) of wine to it. I've even been known to flambé it using brandy to get rid of excess fat. Makes the mouth water to think of it!

I learned this when I worked in France about 35 years ago.

Gabi

Gabi.


“It is hard for a woman to define her feelings in language which is chiefly made by men to express theirs.” Thomas Hardy—Far from the Madding Crowd.

EAFOAB

Just a very belated thankyou for a wonderful tail. RL has caused my to be playing continual catch-up these past few weeks, but the reading has helped.

Thankyou A, and more power to you and Bonzi (but I thought that was a beach in Aus?)

A

Small trees

Well aren't they?

Don't be silly, Nick ...

... everybody knows it's the attack cry of martial arts enthusiasts ... isn't it?

G

That last brought up a memory

Pamreed's picture

Not long after I was married my wife and I were going shopping. She wanted to do a roast for dinner but it was frozen. So she left it on the counter in the kitchen to thaw. We had a new puppy and a couple of cats. She thought she had put the cats out but left the door to the basement open. Our place had a front door with windows top to bottom. As we were going up to the door we saw the puppy with a hung of meat. My first thought was one of the cats. What had happened we surmised was the cats got back in through the basement and pushed the roast off onto the floor and the dog got it. After we both laughed but at the time it was a big mess with blood and bits all over!! Lesson learned never leave a piece of meat out with cats around!!

Fare thee well,
Pamela

"how many cares one loses when one decides not to be
something, but someone" Coco Chanel

The dog

The dog ate dinner. Therefore dinner should be the dog. Seems fair to me.

All this food talk has got me

All this food talk has got me hungry. Someone correct me if I am wrong but weren't their dormeece living in that hedge.


I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Re: All this food talk has got me

Jenn,

A while back, Cathy found evidence of dormice in a hedge at Simon's estate. Everyone is currently at Prof. Agnew's home. It is a different hedge altogether.

Jenny

Dinner for 4

Get close to the horse's left shoulder, look it in the eye, and flap anything you have towards it's eye. stand back and enjoy the result, you'll be quite safe. (won't work on a police horse) I've owned about 20 of these scaredy cats. Our girl gets tougher and tougher.
1tbsp veg oil; 4 boneless, skinless chix breast halves; 1 10oz can concentrated cream of chix soup; 1 1/2 cups of water;1/4 tsp each pepper and paprika; 2 cups min rice uncooked; 2 cups(1 bag) frozen broccoli. oil skillet, brown chicken, remove chix; add water, soup, spices, heat to a boil ; stir in rice and broccoli, top with chix, cover; cook on low heat 5min done. In 15min total Cathy can Feed the Prof and the springer.
If you were kidding, It's still a great dinner . what can I say, I'm an engineer, and I'm literal .Thought I was gonna say something else, huh.

Cefin