Secondhand Life - Part 5

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I was padding around Katherine's suite, reading some magazines and listening to a chill station on my iPhone.

I was just wearing some skinny jeans and an oversized cowl neck wool tunic which was warm and comfy, and some really heavy boot socks which were as cozy as slippers.

I realized that Mikey had been right about a patio, and wondered if all stars' hotel rooms had patios. I slid open the door and savored the slight chill and the taste of the night air. I heard a faint commotion down below and caught scrambling shadows and the faint sound of cameras. Then a distant flash. I leaned over the railing and yelled down. “Flash won't work. Too far away. Just betrays your position. Are you new or something? Fellas, explain it to him, will you?” I heard faint laughing and murmuring from down below. “Seriously guys? Are you going to be here all night? I'm staying in, so you can take the night off. I promise not to rape a bellboy on the patio or dangle a baby over the rail until you get back and we have better light.” More distant laughing. “Seriously. Take the night off. Go home to your wives and families. ….or treat yourself to a hooker. I don't care. I won't be stalking YOU!” a little more laughter and more murmuring. “OK. Suit yourself. But you're in for a long dull night. Goodnight boys.” And I wandered back into my room and called room service, asking them to send someone out to the parking lot below my patio and take everybody's coffee orders and charge it to my room. Maybe Katherine was distant and hostile to the press, but that hadn't seemed to work so well. I didn't think I could win them over, but at least I could mess with them. And buying them coffees to keep them awake all boring night seemed like a good start.

I was up with the sun and feeling refreshed. There was a real chill in the air. I guess I never thought of LA as cold, but at the crack of dawn, it was pretty brisk and misty. I had an egg white omelet and tomato juice sent to my room, and got dressed for a morning run. I don't think Katherine had ever used her workout wear, but she had a closet full of them, and as I found out that first day's jog into Monterrey, they were comfortable and flattering. I tucked my iPhone into my jacket sleeve and my room key into a slim pocket inside my running tights and made my way to a service elevator. I had studied the area around the hotel on my maps app, so I had a clear idea of my running route. I slipped out the side entrance and made my way to the parking lot under my patio. The car windows were all foggy with dew, but it wasn't too hard to see which ones had snoozing silhouettes in reclined seats. I padded quietly up to one and loudly drummed on the hood.

“Rise and shine boys! Daylight's wasting! Hey. Isn't loitering illegal? Should somebody call the cops?” I think I gave the poor bastard in the car I randomly picked a heart attack. But soon everyone was scrambling to wipe the fog off their lenses and grab their cameras.

“Sorry guys. I'm not going to stand around waiting for my photo op. You'll have to be faster than that!” I smiled wickedly and spun around to begin my run. I heard the scrambling behind me and everyone trying to start their cold damp car engines. I guess paparazzi doesn't pay as well as I thought, because every one of these guys was driving what back home they'd call 'a shitbox'. I got a lot farther than I'd planned when they finally caught up to me in their cars. I was wondering how long it would take them to notice that I was running out the entrance ramp to the hotel and onto the adjoining one-way street ….against the flow of traffic. It was really early, and they had just been startled awake, so I guess it took them longer than usual to notice they were chasing me the wrong way down a one way street. It might have also helped that at this hour, the street was empty. Except for the cop. I heard the chirp of his siren behind me and smiled as the three cars that were pursuing me were pulled over. That was unexpected, but delicious. Some of the brighter guys went the long way around and headed me off at the next block. I had kind of expected this. I took this route because it bordered on a park, which was pretty much deserted except for a few sleeping homeless guys. I managed to tread lightly and didn't even wake them, but the clown posse behind me scared the hell out of them, and I think there was a bit of trouble. I don't know if they paid them off or what, but eventually they broke free of the group of angry vagrants. Of course by that time I was watching this from a distant hill about a quarter mile away. There was no way they were going to catch up with me on foot, and once I crested the hill, they would have no way of knowing which direction I broke. This kind of reminded me of evading bullies as a kid, only this was actually fun. It was my chase on my terms. And instead of feeling like a rabbit, I felt more like a fox.

My reverie was short lived as I came down the hill and saw a guy with a camera running toward me. He was clever. He circled around to the other side of the park and guessed that I might do just what I did. I broke for a running path along side a pond and he veered in my direction. This guy was fast. But then again, so was I. I grinned and thought 'let's see how fast he really is'.

He was really, really fast. I might have been able to pour it on and ditch him, but then I'd be totally spent, and he may have been able to match my desperate burst. This guy was really good. I needed a plan B. So I backed off a bit and let him catch up with me, still keeping a very brisk pace and passing other runners like tractors on a highway.

“You have me at a disadvantage” he gasped while he pulled up beside me. “I'm not exactly dressed for a run.”

“So don't run. There are some nice benches up there.”

“Really? You'll stop?”

“Hell, no. I came to run. And I came properly dressed!” I smiled and picked up the pace just a little.

He smiled. Or it might have been a wince. And kept pace with me.

“You really should stop and rest. Besides, you're going to bruise something awful from that camera. I hope it's shockproof.” I smiled.

He nodded and smiled back, beginning to pant now. “At least I took off the flash unit.” he grinned.

“That was YOU?” I laughed. “So how long have you been stalking stars?”

“Kind of new in town. Heard magazines pay crazy for these photos. Thousands. Seemed better than waiting tables.”

“Thousands huh? Well, you're earning it!” I smiled and put on even more speed.

“And way more interesting than landscaping or working in a car wash.”

“Oh. WAY more interesting. Like sleeping in your car all night in a cold hotel parking lot.”

“Like jogging with starlets at five thirty in the morning.”

“Jogging? Katherine Keller does not JOG!” I pressed my hand to my chest in mock offense. “I ….RUN!” and I broke left cutting in front of him and pouring on the speed onto what looked more like a mountain bike path than a running trail.

“Oh Christ!” I heard him laugh as he scrambled to follow me. I couldn't keep up this pace forever, I was really running all out and dodging rocks and ruts along the course. One of us was going to break a leg at this speed. So I pulled back a bit and got back to a sustainable stride. He quickly caught back up to me laughing.

“Why are you still chasing me? I'm not going to stop, and you're not going to get your photo. Even if you did... if you could stop panting long enough to get a steady shot, what are you going to sell? Breaking news – Katherine Keller sweats? Katherine Keller jogs?”

“I thought you didn't jog.”

“Yeah, well the press gets everything wrong” I teased.

He laughed. “I don't know. You bolted back there. I followed. I'm not even sure why anymore. But I'm not stopping!”

“Greyhound and rabbit” I muttered.

“Fox and hound” he replied.

“Are you calling yourself a hound?”

He grinned. “Maybe I'm calling YOU a fox!”

I tried to keep a straight face, but I'm not sure I succeeded.

We ran another quarter mile or so without talking. He was keeping up with me, but I got the sense that he was ready to fade.

“Can I get a truce?” I gasped to him. We were both pretty winded and panting hard.

“A juice?”

“TRUCE!”

He nodded and we both pulled back to a slow jog.

“Actually a juice sounds really good too.” I smiled. He nodded. I scowled. “DAMMIT!”

“What?”

“I keep DOING this! All I have on me is my phone and room key.”

“On me.” he said.

“What's the catch? You want me to bitch-slap a barista so you can get a picture? Maybe steal candy from a baby?”

“That'd be great. Any of it. But really all I want is for you not to tell the others how you led me on a merry chase and I still didn't get a shot.”

“Not yet.” I grinned. “Tell you what. We'll call a truce for today, and in exchange for you buying a lady a ginger echinacea smoothie, I promise you a saleable shot at a future date.”

“Deal” he smiled. As we slowed to a walk, still breathing hard, he looked around and frowned. “Where the hell ARE we?”

Miles from his car. Griffith Park is a sprawling place.

I used my phone to find a smoothie place and we made off in that direction. He nearly hobbled and I got a good look at his boots. Definitely not made for running. I was even more impressed at how well he kept up.

“So, did you come to LA to be a paparazzo? Or did you just figure you'd stalk celebrities until your big break and become a stalk-ee?” I asked as we sipped our smoothies and caught our second wind.

“Actually, I'm here for school. Starting UCLA in the fall. Wanted to get to town early and I figured better to spend the summer in LA than back home in Missoula.”

“Montana.” I nodded.

“You know it?”

“Only from the movies...and TV seems ….desolate.”

He winced. “Not really that bad. There are a lot of nice people there. But still... Yeah. ….There's.... anyway, I hear the surf's WAY better in LA.” He laughed.

“SO... UCLA? Impressive. Major?”

“Looking to do the pre-med track.”

“Going to go back home and be a vet?”

He shook his head vehemently.

“Going to stay here and be a plastic surgeon? This town could always use another boob and ass man.” I smiled.

He laughed. “Not planning on it. Thinking of psychology.”

“Another growing field in this town. Hell, you should observe your colleagues and do a thesis on the psychology of mobs.” I kidded.

“Don't think I haven't thought about it. Very interesting group dynamic there. Actually, I'm really interested in the psychology of trauma survivors. People who have had near death experiences... plane crashes, genocide survivors, civilians in war zones, innocent bystanders in gang killings, abductees... former cult members.... that sort of thing.”

“Wow.” I was at a loss for words.

“You'd be surprised how many compounds there are on the barren northern plains. A lot of folks go there to live life by their own rules. with no one looking over their shoulder and they drag their families along too. Lots of collateral damage.” He seemed lost in thought.

“So. UCLA. Wow.” I tried to lighten the mood. “What made you pick California?”

He smiled sheepishly. “They sorta picked me. Track Scholarship.”

I laughed so loud everyone turned to look at us. I put my head down and muttered “Sorry!” Then I turned to my companion and whispered. “Shit! And I tried to outrun you? THAT was a brilliant plan!”

He laughed. “Well. There were 9 of us in the hotel lot. And you lost eight. I'd say it was a pretty good plan.”

“Not good enough.” I lamented.

“I'd say perfect.” As he reached out and grabbed my hand.

I retrieved my hand and finished my smoothie. Looking over my straw at him regarding me.

“Sorry. You're not going to charm your way into this starlet's stretchpants and get steamy afterglow photos to peddle for big bucks” I teased. His face fell.

“Oh, Jesus. That wasn't what I.... I mean, we just met... and you're... well... YOU.... and I'm just....”

“By the WAY....” I can't believe it took this long for me to notice I didn't even know. “....who the hell ARE you?”

He grinned. I think he was as amazed as I was that we'd gone this far without proper introductions.

“Matt. Matt Cutler.” and he reflexively held out his hand.

“Katherine. Katherine Keller.” I grinned back as I took his hand and shook.

He made a kind of snorting sound.

“What?”

“Oh. Sorry. You were just so formal. The way you introduced yourself. And it got me to thinking.... just reminded me... um...” he ran out of steam.

“Reminded you of what?”

“Nothing. Nevermind.”

“You can't just 'nothing, nevermind' me after that. What?”

“Well, when you said your name out loud. I mean I already know it of course. But just hearing it out loud... the way you said it. It reminded me...”

“Yessss....?”

“Of your nickname. I mean what the other guys call you.”

“Oh. And that is?.....”

“Katherine Yeller ...or Katherine the Terrible” he admitted sheepishly.

“I see” I smiled. “Is that for my ...people skills... or my acting ability?”

He just went crimson.

“Well, this may not come as a shock to you, but I'm working very hard to change my image”

He smiled.

“I hope with time and effort to become Katherine the Merely Horrible”

And I made beet smoothie come out of his nose.

We were getting really dirty looks from the people at the smoothie bar, so we skulked away and walked back to Matt's car. He was gentleman enough to give me a lift to a few blocks from the hotel, where I ran back the rest of the way and jogged right up to the remaining five photographers.

“Missed a great run boys. If you're working for Self or Fitness, you missed some great photo ops. Otherwise, not much. What's the point of being scandalous if there's no one to see?” I shot them a wink and a wave and went back up to my suite to shower and prepare for another day of sitting on my behind redubbing Katherine Keller.

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Comments

That was...

Tas's picture

Awesome! I couldn't stop smiling the entire chapter. Messing with the media is always fun, and with a bunch of witty quips added in, this was a great chapter :)

-Tas

Just smiling???? It's hillarious!

I was giggling and laughing through the whole chapter. Starting with her goading the papparazzi in the parking lot, to banging on their cars, to leading them right into the arms of the police going up the wrong way on a one way street, to loosing them in the park, to the competition with the track scholarship pre-med student, to the goading back at the hotel parking lot.

Just hillarious!!

I would but...

Tas's picture

People on crowded buses tend to give you funny looks when you laugh at your phone, so I gathered my willpower and restricted myself to smiling widely.

I was mostly successful ;)

-Tas

Interesting way of messing

Interesting way of messing with the paparazzi. It is a definite plus any time you can mess up their day, because they have such a tendency to really mess up others and their day(s). I do have a feeling that Katherine is going to be seeing Matt Cutler more often than she currently realizes, and just may wind up seeing him more in a personal way than in the role she presently knows him as. Loved her snarky comments towards all of them in the evening, and again at the beginning of her run. Katherine, the Merely Horrible --- Funny.

SSSSHHHHHH!!!!

Ix-Nay on the Elationship-Ray ;-)

OK. Yes, I guess I am that transparent.

But remember, .....patience is a virtue......

K@

OMG a Human Paparrazzian?

Has you know what froze over? When he dies will he find a place next to Martha the Passenger Pigeon?

Have the lawyers found hope that one of them may be able to avoid hell?

But then again, this is fiction .... Oh well.

funny chapter

funny chapter
I had a thought while reading it, I wonder if Katherine's manager told her that they had a stand in filling in for her, if she's as wild as her reputation I could see her breaking out of the facility if she suddenly heard that she was making appearances, because she was mad that someone was impersonating her. it would be interseting to see how they explained multiple Katherine sightings if they happened at the same time or what would happe if they showed up at the same event at the same time

As per previous chapter

Podracer's picture

Still enjoying life as the ghost KK. Hm. I wonder if KK1 will decide that this is her way out of the business and agree to pass the baton to a worthy KK2?

"Reach for the sun."

Coffee, cameras and chase! Oh my!

Melange's picture

This was a really amusing chapter! Also, it humanised a paparazzi in a very warm fashion. That category of photographers are often used as a foil or enemy, so its easy to forget how they are also just people, who sometimes have higher aspirations than figuring out who's sleeping with whom.

Also, l kept grinning throughout the entire chase sequence. Very well written, easy to picture in my mind, and lovely dialogue. (Laughed at the bit when LC sent out coffee for the creepers!)

However, LC is doing some very hard-to-explain things to Katherine's reputation by acting so genial and approachable!

Thanks for writing!

crazy fun

Help I've fallen in love. What a fun story. I can hardly wait for more. Discovery of the person inside can be so emotional and scary More Please.

Gaby

A totes grinworthy chapter.

Though beet smoothie sounds really messy. It'd be tasty though with some blueberries and a bit of cinnamon with s touch of banana to thicken it and offset the soy milk.

* Great Big Hugs *

Bailey Summers

Loved it

erin's picture

Very good situation and dialog.

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.