Dr. Liz Reid takes a job at a spa following the death of her husband.
For her son Josh, the trip will result in a life changing experience.

Eighteen-year-old Josh Reid stared out the window of his mother’s Land Rover as they drove towards their new home. He was lost in thought about how much his life had changed in the last year.

His life had changed dramatically when he and his mom had answered the door and seen an army chaplain standing there. Josh instantly knew that his dad, Major Travis Reid, had been killed in Afghanistan. Josh had seen the article on the Internet that morning. The article didn’t give the names of the soldiers killed in the explosion, but it did mention they were in the same Pennsylvania National Guard unit to which his father was assigned.

The next few days were a blur and Josh only remembered bits and pieces. There had been the military funeral and the uncomfortable family reunion that it initiated. Josh had quickly gotten annoyed with being told how proud he must be and how awful he must feel. They had no idea. The questions and comments, while well meaning, were so degrading, he thought. Of course I was proud of my dad, it didn’t take his death to do that, he thought. Do I feel awful? What do you think? he thought each time he was asked the same question.

Josh was proud of the way his mom had handled everything from the funeral to the sudden celebrity status their loss had given them. She had always known this could happen. In fact, she had met his dad when she had been on active duty herself.

Liz Reid had once been an army doctor and had fallen instantly in love with the dashing young second lieutenant who had been brought into her emergency room with a broken leg. He had broken it while playing football for his unit’s team.

He also was immediately smitten with the gorgeous brunette. Six months later they were married. Josh, their only child, was born in an army hospital in Germany a year later.

After a decade of moving around at the army’s whim, they’d settled in the Philadelphia suburbs.

Josh considered himself as an “overly average teenager” in his own words. However he was an excellent student and participated in several clubs and sports. His main interest was writing, and he was the assistant editor for the school paper. He was also an avid reader.

Josh wasn’t just a bookworm; he loved running and often went on long runs with his parents. He had a runner’s body and was thin and athletic, like his mom. In fact, they were the same height. Both were five-ten. Travis was six-two and had often kidded them about being able to borrow each other’s sweats.

Liz was now out of the service and only worked part-time at a local clinic. Travis was also out of active duty, but stayed in the reserves. He was assigned to work with a guard unit. When they were activated, he willingly went along.

Josh understood fully. While he had no plans to join the military, he knew the obligations that went with the uniform.

Following the announcement of the death of his father, Josh became instantly sick of the hypocrites at his school. He had always downplayed the fact that his dad was overseas. Both his parents had brought him up to respect other people’s opinions, and he had heard the entire gamut while at school. He felt they were entitled to their opinion, just as he was entitled to his own. Still, he was nauseated by those teachers he saw on TV eagerly praising his father. Both extremes of the political spectrum sickened him. Josh shook his head at seeing his English teacher talk about how proud the whole school was of Josh’s father, when just two weeks earlier he had heard her making derogatory comments about the military.

The principal wasn’t any better, and he was a retired marine. He called Josh into his office and told him how his father would want him to “march on” and not let his death trip up Josh’s academic plans. Josh just nodded and walked out.

Two weeks after the funeral, Josh’s mom sat him down in their living room.

“I’ve been offered a job,” she announced.

Josh nodded. “You’re going back to being a doctor fulltime?”

Liz nodded.

Josh smiled back. “Good.” He had been worried that she might withdraw into grief.

“You’re no fun! Don’t you want to hear about the job first?” she asked. “Please! I’ve spent the last couple of hours coming up with reasons.”

It struck Josh that this meant that the job wasn’t in the Philadelphia area. “Okay. So, where is the job?”

Liz smiled. “New Mexico.”

“Really? What sort of job is it?” asked Josh excitedly. This was totally unexpected and it actually thrilled him. He had always wanted to see the west.

“An old friend from college is opening up a new spa north of Santa Fe. She wants me to be the resort’s house doctor,” replied Liz. She pulled out a thick pamphlet showing off the resort. “You remember my old friend, Judy, don’t you?”

Josh nodded and picked up the pamphlet. He then began to page through it. “Looks pretty nice.”

“I know. In addition to the job, they’re also offering us a cottage.”

“Wow! That’s great,” replied Josh.

“You don’t mind?” she asked.

Josh shook his head. “No. I understand that things have changed. So when are we moving?”

Liz smiled and hugged her son. “The resort doesn’t open to the public until mid-summer. We can go out as soon as school lets out.”

Josh nodded. Normally the idea of moving just before his senior year in high school would have been appalling, but Josh wanted a change. “What about the schools?”

“There are options,” answered Liz. “The closest town is over forty minutes away, in good weather. They have a high school.”

“That sounds like a long haul everyday. Do I get my own car?” asked Josh with a wink.

Liz laughed. She was pleased with Josh’s reaction. “No. However, there’s a bus that runs to the school. I did mention options. How do you feel about home schooling?”

Josh raised an eyebrow.

“You’re on pace to graduate early anyway. All you need is a few credits. I’ve talked to Judy and she says that several of the fulltime staff plan on homeschooling. It’s up to you,” she stated. “I’m not sure about ages and grades, but at least there’d be some other kids around, and maybe someone to study with.”

Josh looked at the photos of the beautiful hills that the resort was nestled in. There were mountains in the background and it looked so serene. He was just a few credits shy of graduating. He had planned this so that his senior year would be very easy. It would have allowed him to spend time working on the paper.

“You don’t have to make up your mind today,” stated Liz.

“Cool. I want to go, but I want to wait until we get out there before making up my mind on the school options,” replied Josh.

That had been three months ago, and now they were passing through Santa Fe.

“We’ll be there in an hour. Do you feel like stopping or do you want to press on?” asked Liz.

“I say press on!” replied Josh. He smiled at his mom’s use of “press on.” It had been his dad’s favorite saying. This was the first time that she had used it since his death.

Chapter 2

“Liz! You made it!” an overly enthusiastic blonde woman greeted his mom. Her skin was tanned dark from years in the sun. “Welcome to Caldera de Gaia Spa!”

Josh watched as his mom hugged the other woman. He figured that she was her old friend, Judy. Josh was surprised at how much younger she looked than his mom. He was under the impression that they were the same age, but Judy looked at least ten years younger – not that his mom looked old!

“And you must be Josh,” welcomed the woman. “You have the same hair color!”

“Josh, this is Judy, my boss,” stated Liz.

Judy was in the middle of giving Josh a huge hug. She looked over her shoulder at Liz. “Oh, please! Don’t call me your boss!”

“Well, you are!” replied Liz with a grin.

“Just promise me that you’ll call me Judy and not Ms. Ramone,” stated Judy.

“Okay, just as long as you don’t call me Dr. Reid,” replied Liz.

“Deal! Now, have you eaten yet?” asked Judy.

They shook their heads.

“Okay, let’s go eat. I didn’t know when you’d be arriving, but I have everything standing by. I have some shish kabobs ready to throw on the grill as soon as the coals get hot,” stated Judy. “I’ll take you to your cottage after we eat.”

“Are you still planning on opening next month?” asked Liz.

“Yes. I would have liked to have opened sooner, but we had some construction delays. The good news is that I’ve almost finished with hiring our employees,” stated Judy.

Over dinner she showed them a map of the complex. There were ten guest cottages in addition to the main lodge that had thirty rooms.

“The two main highlights of the spa are the hot mineral pools and the mud baths,” stated Judy. “If we’re successful, I plan on adding more guest cottages and rooms.”

“People actually pay to have a mud bath?” asked Josh.

Judy nodded. “Absolutely. One of the benefits of your mom working here is that you’ll have access to all our facilities.”

“The mineral water baths sound nice, but I’m not so sure what’s relaxing about sitting in mud,” replied Josh.

“The mud is warmed and contains minerals that help revitalize the skin. My family has owned this land for decades and I’ve been soaking in the mud since I was a kid,” explained Judy.

Josh nodded.

“Where do you get the mud?” asked Liz.

“There’s an old dry creek bed that runs through the property. The hot springs are next to it. Native American women would gather the dirt from the creek bed and use the water from the mineral springs to make a therapeutic mud. They would use it to heal all sorts of ailments. But mainly it was used in fertility rights,” explained Judy. “I’m not sure how much of Grandma’s story is true, but it’s a nice tale to tell the tourists. I do know that it’s very relaxing.”

Judy went on to tell how the dirt would be gathered and then recycled. The clients would first have to take a shower before entering the mud baths. Afterwards the mud would be spread out on a nearby hill to dry out.

“What’s interesting is that the potency of the minerals in the mud doesn’t seem to diminish, even after multiple uses,” explained Judy.

“What do the baths look like?” asked Liz.

“They’re large copper kettles! There was a chocolate factory that went out of business, and I was able to buy them as scrap. We have them hinged, so that we can just dump out the mud after we’re done. The copper also allows us to control the heat of the mud more accurately,” stated Judy.

“I can’t wait to see them,” stated Liz.

After dinner Judy showed them their cottage. It was a nice three bedroom building connected to the spa’s clinic. In keeping with the southwestern theme, all the buildings were adobe with tile floors.

“This is wonderful,” remarked Liz as she entered their new home. The house was fully furnished.

“I was hoping you’d like it,” replied Judy. “Once your furniture arrives, we can move this stuff out.”

“I don’t know, it looks nicer than some of our things,” joked Liz.

Josh began carrying in their bags. He had to admit that it was really nice. He was especially pleased to see that Judy had already had the cable TV and high speed Internet installed.

He checked out his room. It was very spacious and had doors that opened out to its own deck. He also had his own bathroom. This wouldn’t be so bad, he thought.

“Where do you live, Judy?” asked Liz.

“I’m in the house over there,” replied Judy. “It’s not that big, but then again I don’t need a lot of room. Besides, if I have guests over, I do have the rest of the resort!”

Judy explained that there were ten other homes that would eventually be occupied by fulltime employees. She then listed them off. All Josh caught was that their neighbors would be two women on the right hand side and a husband, wife and daughter to their left.

The two women were in charge of the spas. Tara was the head masseuse, and her partner, Cari, ran the mud spas and mineral baths.

Cody and Hannah Dylan were old friends of Judy’s. Cody was the entertainment director and ran all the outdoor activities. Hannah was the head chef. Josh was pleased to learn that they had a daughter his age. Her name was Lindsey.

“The Dylans won’t get here until tomorrow. They’re moving here from Seattle,” explained Judy. “However, Tara and Cari are here. I’ll introduce you to them at breakfast.”

Josh nodded. Mom had told him Judy liked the staff to have breakfast together each morning.

“I’ll introduce the rest of the staff to you then. The fridge is full, just in case you didn’t get enough at dinner. I’ll see you in the morning. Damn, Liz, it’s great to see you again,” exclaimed Judy as she hugged Liz again. She also gave Josh a big hug before departing.

As they unpacked, Josh turned to his mom. “Has she always been so shy?”

Liz laughed. “Oh yes! I’ve told you how we met?”

“Not in the past twenty-four hours,” replied Josh with a grin.

Liz threw a pillow at her son.

Liz had first met Judy while they were at college. They were on the same dorm floor and had equally annoying roommates. They were trading tales of whose roommate was worst when Judy suggested that they move in with each other. Within a week they were sharing a small apartment off campus. By the time Liz entered med school, they had moved to a large house along with two cats and a mixed lab-setter. Judy had also been Liz’s maid of honor when she married Travis.

Judy had married well and often, and had come out of her three marriages quite wealthy. She’d invested all her funds into the creation of the resort. She had inherited the land from her grandparents.

Judy had called Liz after the funeral and offered her the position. It wasn’t out of pity; rather Judy was giving her friend a chance to heal. Liz appreciated this offer and was happy that Josh was willing to make the move.

Later in the evening, mother and son sat out on the main deck and absorbed the silence of the early evening. It was very peaceful and serene.

“I’m glad we came out here, Mom,” stated Josh.

“Me too. I have a feeling this is going to be a good move for both of us,” she replied. She sipped her coffee.

There was a long silence. “I miss Dad,” stated Josh.

“So do I, honey,” replied Liz, as she reached over and took his hand into hers.

Josh knew no other words were necessary.

Chapter 3

Josh and Liz walked up to the main building for breakfast. It was set up as a buffet, and Judy greeted them as they got in line.

“Did you sleep well?” she asked.

“It was almost too quiet,” replied Liz.

An attractive woman with a long raven colored ponytail started laughing. “Everyone says that when they first get up here.”

Josh wondered if she was Native-American.

“Hi, I’m Tara, you must be Liz and Josh,” she greeted. “I’m so happy to meet our new neighbors.”

She was joined by a blonde haired, blue eyed woman. She had the brightest blue eyes that Josh had ever seen. Both women looked to be in their early thirties.

Tara introduced her as Cari. The fact that they were obviously partners didn’t faze Josh all that much. Even though his parents were from a military background, they were also very open-minded. Besides, they seemed like two nice women, thought Josh; what should it matter if they were also in love?

Over breakfast Judy introduced Liz and Josh. There were too many people for him to keep straight, so he just focused on a few. There was Gregory, the head groundskeeper and maintenance man and his wife, Maria. She was in charge of the housekeeping staff.

Josh was pleased that everyone seemed so friendly. He found out that Gregory and Maria had three children and that they would be home schooled at the resort.

Gregory was a large muscular man. He had the look of a man who had worked with his hands his entire life.

“It may not seem like it right now, but winter can get nasty up here. I don’t like the idea of my kids traveling on the roads for nearly an hour each way, every day,” remarked Gregory.

“Besides, with the knowledge of the staff we have here, we’re better off than most schools,” added Tara.

It turned out that several of the staff had been teachers. Josh began to think that it might not be so bad to spend his last few months of school here. Besides, as he wanted to be a writer, this place seemed to be a great place to people watch.

“Liz, do you and Josh need anything?” asked Maria.

“I think we just need to learn our way around right now,” she replied.

“I’ll be giving them the tour this morning, but I fully expect you all to show them your own special parts of the resort,” interjected Judy.

“You want to try one of our mud baths?” asked Cari.

“I can’t wait!” replied Liz.

“What about you, Josh?” asked Cari.

“You should try it, Josh. It really feels good,” piped in Gregory. “I get one once a week.”

Josh shrugged his shoulders. “Sure, why not?” He figured if the muscular man liked them, then what was the harm?

“Great. Why don’t you come by this afternoon, say around three?” asked Cari.

Josh nodded.

“Oh, that reminds me. We’re supposed to get a thunderstorm this afternoon. Please keep an eye on the skies; we do get flash-floods around here,” warned Judy.

“Lightning can also be bad,” added Gregory.

Over the next three hours, Judy showed off the resort to Liz and Josh. The whole area was landscaped with native plants. Judy had the resort designed in the shape of a wagon wheel. The main building and restaurant were at the center. The different spas were off on their own paths, like spokes from the axle. There were also hiking trails into the hills snaking away from the center. Judy explained that she eventually wanted to have a stable, but that was sometime in the future.

“Horses are so expensive to maintain. I’m hoping that one of the local ranches wants to provide the business, even on a part-time basis,” she stated.

The mineral pools were located to the west of the main building. The mud baths were just to the north of them.

Just as Judy had described, there were several large copper kettles that looked over a field, in the distance a mesa rose up, giving whoever was having a mud bath a spectacular view. Cari was adjusting the thermostats of the units as they walked up.

“Aren’t they something?” she asked as she looked up at them.

“They’re gorgeous,” remarked Liz. She then talked to Cari about the temperature settings. The mud was normally just slightly heated, but could also be kept at ambient temperature, depending on the preference of the guest.

“We have a max temperature for all the baths and saunas,” stated Cari. “The last thing we want to do is boil someone.”

“I know that I’ll appreciate that,” added Liz.

“Come on, Doc, don’t you want some excitement?” quipped Cari.

“Just remember, the less we pay for insurance, the bigger the bonuses will be come the end of the year,” interjected Judy.

Cari nodded and turned to Josh. “You still coming by at three, Josh?”

“Sure, that sounds good.”

Chapter 4

Liz and Josh ate lunch in their cottage.

“Do you think that people will come here?” asked Josh.

“Judy says that reservations have been strong, and they even have some weeks sold out.” replied Liz.

“Wow!”

“Caldera de Gaia could become one of the top spas in the southwest. I’m really curious about the effects of the mineral water and the mud baths. I’m also interested in your reactions.”

“I’ll give you a full report,” replied Josh. He then noticed a SUV pull into the driveway next to theirs. A man, woman, and teenage girl stepped out of the vehicle and began to stretch. “Looks like our neighbors have arrived.”

Liz got up and motioned for Josh to follow. Josh’s attention was immediately drawn to the pretty red headed girl. She was the same height as he was and looked equally athletic.

The Dylans were very pleased to meet their new neighbors. Josh and Liz helped them carry in their bags.

“So, when did you get here?” asked Lindsey, as they carried some bags into the cottage.

“We got in yesterday,” replied Josh.

“Oh, so have you had much time to see the resort?” she asked. “We came out here in April for a week. It’s pretty nice.”

“From what I’ve seen, it’s great. I was planning on sampling some of the services this afternoon.”

“Cool. Which one?” she asked.

“The mud bath.”

“Oh, you’ll love it. I had one when I was first out here. It feels like you’re in a big bowl of Jell-O!” replied Lindsey with a smile.

“You want to join me?” asked Josh hopefully.

“I’ll try. I have to get unpacked first. If not, we can do it another time.”

Josh nodded. He really liked her; she seemed very cool.

Chapter 5

Josh arrived at the mud bath building at three. The sky was darkening on the horizon, and Josh wondered if they would get a storm. There was no sign of Lindsey, but he wasn’t disheartened. He knew he’d see her at dinner. Liz had invited them over for a barbecue.

“Hey, Josh, over here!” greeted Cari.

Josh saw the blonde woman and walked over to see her.

“Since this is your first time, I need to give you some instructions,” stated Cari.

Over the next thirty minutes, she described the process. The copper tub with the mud was already warming up. After showering, Josh would walk up the steps to the tub. It was elevated three feet off the ground. The tubs faced the mesa and, while the tubs were outside, they were covered by a roof. There was a seat mounted in the tub that would allow Josh to be nearly fully submerged in the mud.

“Do you have dandruff?” asked Cari.

Josh nodded. “Sometimes.”

“Okay, I have a great cure. Once you’re in the tub, I’ll go over your scalp with mud. Believe it or not, it does wonders. I’ll also coat your face with mud using a brush. You’ll be amazed how refreshed you’ll feel afterwards.

“When you get out, you’ll shower again. The mud will drain to a retaining tank, and it will be reused.”

Josh nodded. “I heard it sounds like sitting in Jell-O.”

Cari laughed. “Come to think of it, it does feel like Jell-O.”

Josh showered and walked up the steps that led to the bath. He was wearing a pair of trunks. Cari said that he could do it the nude, but he wasn’t quite ready for that. He dipped one foot in the mud. It felt warm and very comforting. He followed Cari’s instructions and eased down into the tub. Soon, only his head was above the mud. It felt very good. Cari told him to close his eyes as she covered his head with mud. She then covered his face with more mud. He reopened his eyes.

“You look great. Now just relax. I’ll check on you in thirty minutes. If you start feeling too warm, just step out and ring the bell on that rope.” She pointed to a lanyard connected to an old fashioned dinner bell. “I’ll be in my office should you need anything.”

Josh had to admit that he could get used to this. The mud seemed to suspend his body in place. This allowed him to totally relax. He stared out towards the mesa and watched the sky darken. Looks like Judy was right, he thought. The storm was heading their way.

The wind was picking up, and Josh realized that the storm was approaching much faster than he had thought. He saw some lighting and decided that sitting in a copper tub in a thunderstorm might not be the smartest thing in the world. He was just about to get out when there was a bright flash followed immediately by a deafening sound. Josh sunk into darkness.

Chapter 6

“Josh, Josh. Can you hear me?”

Josh heard his name, as if it was coming from a long corridor. He tried to reply, but couldn’t. He tried to move, but it felt as if his body was being held down. Slowly the cobwebs began to clear in his mind.

“Josh, please wake up.”

The voice was familiar. It was Mom. He must have overslept again. “I don’t want to go to school today.”

Judy looked at Liz. “Did I hear that right?”

“It’s a good sign. He’s gaining consciousness,” replied Liz. “Josh, please wake up.”

No, I’m not late for school, thought Josh. His mind cleared and he struggled to open up his eyes. It was difficult, as if something was holding his eyes closed.

“Josh, let me clean off your face,” stated Liz.

It then hit Josh; he was in a mud bath in New Mexico. But why couldn’t he move or see?

“What… happened?” he croaked. He could barely move his lips. It felt like concrete was covering his face.

“Thank God! Josh, please relax. Lightning struck the building. The tub you’re in was also struck. The mud hardened on the surface of the tub, sealing you in. The mud on your face is also rock hard. We’re soaking it now.”

“Okay….”

“Are you in pain, honey?” she asked.

“No… just… sore.”

“Good. Okay, we’ll have you out soon.”

Josh recognized a few of the other voices, including Cari, Judy, and Lindsey. He had no choice but to let them try to free him. Soon they had cleared enough of the mud so that he could blink his eyes and open his mouth fully.

“Can you move your arms and legs?” asked Liz.

It was difficult, as the mud seemed thicker now. “Yes, it’s not easy, but I can move around.”

“Good. That means that only the top has solidified. Gregory is getting some tools, and we’ll have you out soon,” stated Liz.

The top layer of mud had sealed Josh in the tub.

“The storm came up so fast. I was on my way back here when the lightning struck. I’m so sorry, Josh,” apologized Cari.

“It’s… okay,” replied Josh. His voice sounded funny. He didn’t quite sound like himself. He tried to clear his throat. “Can… I have some water?”

“I’ll take care of that,” stated Cari who retrieved a sports bottle full of water. There was a straw attachment that allowed Josh to sip some water.

Gregory arrived with some tools. The mud at the top of the tub was as hard as concrete, and Gregory carefully drilled a hole in the top layer. “Josh, I need to see how thick this layer is. Don’t worry I won’t hurt you.”

The top layer of mud was almost two inches thick. Gregory decided the best way to break it up was to drill multiple holes and then break off sections. Josh watched as he carefully drilled hole after hole in the mud across from him. Gregory then pried off a section of the top layer.

“Okay. I should be able to break you out. I know you want out, but this may take a few minutes. Once we get you freed, we’ll take you to the showers, and we’ll wash the rest of this stuff off you,” stated the large man.

Josh nodded. He was starting to feel faint again and did his best to stay awake.

He must have passed out because he heard his mom’s voice. “Josh, please wake up.”

“Sorry,” he replied. “I feel really weak.” He looked around and saw a concerned man standing next to Lindsey; it was her dad.

“I know. But you need to try to stay awake,” reminded Liz.

An hour later he was still stuck in the tub. He was getting a little antsy and couldn’t wait to be freed of the mud.

“Okay, Josh, once I get this section clear, we should be able to get you out of there,” stated Gregory.

Josh watched as Gregory carefully drilled just to the right of his neck. The mud prevented Josh from touching his body. It had seemed to form a second skin over his body. He felt sore, and very drained, but otherwise he felt okay. This would make a cool story he thought. Not many people can say they were hit by lightning.

“Okay. Cody, can you grab Josh’s right arm and I’ll grab his left. Lift him carefully,” stated Gregory to Mr. Dylan.

On the count of three, they lifted him out of the tub. Josh looked down and saw his formless body. The mud seemed to be a part of him.

They carried Josh to the shower and sat him down on a plastic lawn chair.

“We’ll start hosing you clean, Josh,” stated Gregory.

The mud was slow to wash off. Josh wondered if the lightning had changed its composition. It seemed to want to stick to his body. He looked down at his chest and almost started to laugh. The clinging mud made it look as if he had breasts. Only when the mud was washed off, he did see that he actually had breasts. There was something very wrong, and he suddenly felt panicky. He began to frantically scrape the mud off his body. He had changed! He looked over at his mom, hoping she would say something that would make it all right.

His waist was thinner and seemed higher than before. Likewise, his hips seemed wider. Anxiously, he reached down into his trunks. It was gone!

“Mom, what’s going on?” he cried out. His voice seemed higher pitched. It made him sound panicky.

“Calm down, Josh.”

Josh was about to answer her, but he couldn’t. He suddenly felt faint, and he drifted into darkness.

Chapter 7

Josh awoke in his bed. It was dark out, and his room was lit by the light on his nightstand. He didn’t initially know where he was, and it took him a few moments to clear his head.

He sat up in bed and became instantly aware that he had changes. He looked down at the two foreign growths on his chest. They were standing out, pressing his Philadelphia Eagles t-shirt out. He lifted up his shirt and saw that he really had breasts. It hadn’t been a dream.

He dropped the shirt, and with trepidation he reached down between his legs. He was praying that his cock would be there, and that what he had previously thought he had felt was just an illusion. But instead of the familiar feel of his cock and balls, there was a very unfamiliar slit between his legs. He couldn’t believe it and gasped in shock.

Liz came in and sat down on the bed next to her child. She put her arms around him and pulled him close.

“Mom, what happened?” he begged.

“We’re not sure.”

She released Josh. She wished there was something she could say. But what she had seen that afternoon was counter to everything she had learned in medical school. How could someone just change sex?

“That’s not very reassuring,” replied Josh. His voice seemed lighter. There was still a slight masculine pitch to it. He thought he sounded like that singer that his mom liked so much, Melissa something.

“I want to give you a complete physical in the morning. I did do a quick check when we brought you in here. Other than the gender change, you don’t appear to have any injuries,” she explained.

“Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?” replied Josh. It was another old family saying.

Liz smiled. “I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t know how or why this happened. I also don’t know any way to reverse this, short of surgery and hormones.”

Josh remembered the lesson on transsexuals in his honors human sexuality class. While modern surgical science could do a good job on men wanting to be women, the surgery for women wanting to be men still left much to be desired.

“You mean that I’m stuck like this?” he replied.

She nodded. “I’ll know some more after checking you out tomorrow.”

Josh sighed.

“I’m also going to send a sample of that mud to a friend of mine. There must be some chemicals in it that caused your change,” continued Liz.

“I suppose everyone knows I’m a freak,” bemoaned Josh.

“You’re not a freak. Yes, there were several people there that saw the changes. Judy is calling a meeting tomorrow morning to talk to everyone. If it makes you feel any better, they all seemed sympathetic.”

Josh shook his head in disbelief. He then became aware of the growing pressure on his bladder.

“I have to go,” he stated and got out of bed.

With his mom’s help, he walked to the bathroom. He pulled down his shorts and sat down on the toilet. He stared down between his legs. It was real. He didn’t contemplate it too long as he attended to his bodily functions.

Liz stood outside the door. She debated what she was about to say, but figured it was necessary. “Honey, you need to use some toilet paper when you’re done. Always wipe from front to back.”

At first what she said didn’t make sense, then it hit Josh; this new body required more maintenance. He carefully wiped himself. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He didn’t feel like a girl, yet he was wiping his vagina clean. Then it hit him that this might just be the start.

He pulled up his shorts and stepped out of the bathroom. “Mom, do you think that I’ve changed completely… I mean, do you think that I’ve changed inside too?”

“I don’t know. I’ll find out more tomorrow.”

Josh wondered if he could now become pregnant, not that he wanted to be with a guy. This was too confusing, he thought.

He turned and stared at his new image in the mirror. He was the same height at least. His face had changed too. He wasn’t totally different, but there were subtle changes. His lips were slightly larger and his cheeks more pronounced. His face looked familiar, and then it came to him. He looked like his mom.

He ran his fingers through his hair. It wasn’t longer, but it felt thicker. It was still shoulder length as before.

Josh held out his arms and saw that they were thinner and less muscular. Something else was different, but it took him a second to figure it out. There was no hair on his arms now. He looked down at his legs and saw they were slim and shapely and also hairless.

“I look like you,” he commented.

“I know. You look like I did when I was your age.”

“I don’t want to be a girl, Mom.”

Liz nodded. “I know, honey.”

Josh stood there shaking his head. He was becoming angry. “This isn’t fair! First Dad gets killed, and now this. Who did I piss off?”

Liz wished she had something to say, but she was equally confused. When she had heard that Josh had been hit by lightning, she’d feared the worst, but she’d had no idea that he would become her daughter.

“I don’t feel like a girl. I don’t like boys. I have no intention of wearing a dress or putting on makeup!” ranted Josh. He then turned to his mom. His lower lip began to quiver and tears began to form in his eyes. “Mom, please make this better.”

Liz leaned over and pulled Josh close to her. They sat down on the bed, and he began to cry. It was soft at first, as if he was trying to hold the tears back, but it grew into a full flow. Josh was sobbing, and all she could do was to hold him. She couldn’t remember the last time that Josh had cried like this. Even when Travis was killed, Josh had maintained emotional control. She wondered if the changes were affecting his emotional state too. Either way, she would be there for him.

Eventually, Josh was all cried out. He felt so tired. “For some strange reason, that felt good.”

“I know. It doesn’t make any sense, but a good cry can help sometimes.”

“Mom, I’m really scared. What will happen to me? What will others think?”

She put a finger to his lips. “Josh, you’re still my child. I’ll be here for you whenever you need me, and I’ll help you through this the best I can. Now, we can’t solve everything this evening.”

Josh nodded.

“You hungry?” she asked.

Josh nodded again.

“Okay, why don’t we go to the kitchen and see what we can put together.”

She fixed them each a grilled cheese sandwich and a mug of tomato soup. It had been Travis’s favorite comfort food.

After dinner they sat together on the couch.

“You feel like going to bed?’ asked Liz.

Josh yawned. “I guess so. Mom… do you mind if I crash in your room tonight? I’ll sleep in the chair. I just don’t want to be alone tonight. I’m afraid that… well, that maybe the changes aren’t done.”

Liz smiled. “The bed is big enough for both of us.”

Later that evening, Liz stroked Josh’s hair. He was sound asleep and looked content. She hoped that he was having pleasant dreams. She was also glad that Josh was asleep next to her, as she also didn’t want to be alone that night.

She wondered how Josh would adjust to the changes. It would be difficult for both of them. Eventually, she slowly drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 8

Josh woke up early and quietly climbed out his mom’s bed. He felt a bit silly about asking to sleep in her room, but then again he had slept the whole night. He walked back to his room and stepped into the bathroom. He stripped off his shorts and t-shirt and shook his head in disbelief. He was definitely a girl. He stared at his reflection and twisted around to re-examine his body. The urge to explore his new body was offset by the feeling that this wasn’t really him. He almost felt like he was someone else.

“There’s no way I’m going to get used to this,” he confessed aloud.

After he showered he discovered to his frustration that while he was the same height, there was little of his old wardrobe that still fit. His t-shirts were a bit tight in the chest. Even those that weren’t physically tight showed off his breasts too much. He had a few oversized t-shirts that had belonged to his dad, and he slipped one on.

None of his shorts fit him. They were all too loose or too tight, sometimes both at the same time, depending on what part of his body you were talking about. He picked up the shorts he had been wearing and saw why they fit so well, they were a pair of his mom’s running shorts.

He let out a loud sigh and slipped them back on. He then reached for his sport sandals and discovered that his feet hadn’t changed size.

Josh was ready to leave his room when he suddenly realized that he wasn’t wearing his watch. He found it on the dresser where he had left it the previous afternoon. It was way too big for his now dainty wrists. Even at the smallest position, the band was too big, and in frustration he flung the watch across the room.

“Did that make you feel better?’ asked Liz, who was standing in the doorway.

“A little,” replied Josh. He reached for his throat, as he wasn’t used to his new feminine voice.

“It looks like we’ll need to go shopping,” she replied.

“I just need some new shorts,” replied Josh.

“I’m afraid you’ll need a lot more than that.”

“I’m not wearing a dress!” he snapped back. He then realized that he’d lost his temper. “Sorry.”

“Look, honey, I know this is difficult, but you’ll survive. I’m going to be with you all the way.”

Josh nodded.

“You’re going to need a new wardrobe: tops, shorts, pants, panties, bras, and other things.”

“Panties? Why can’t I just wear briefs?”

“Panties are designed for your body. You want to be comfortable don’t you?”

Josh nodded.

“You now have a female body. You need to wear clothing that is designed for it. We’re talking practicality here.”

“I’m not sure about the bra,” he stated.

“Trust me on this one, Josh. You need a bra. You look slightly smaller than me; that would make you a 36-B. I’ll take your measurements before I go shopping, just to make sure.”

“This sucks,” he stated casually and sat down hard on his bed.

Liz sat next to him. “Come on, let’s go get breakfast. Afterwards, we’ll go to my office, and I’ll examine you.”

“Can’t we eat here?”

Liz shook her head. “They know what happened and they care about you. You can’t spend the rest of your life hiding in here.”

“Why not?” he asked. There was a slight smirk on his face.

Liz smiled back and pulled him close and hugged him.

Chapter 9

Josh walked nervously into the main dining room. He tried to act normal, but it was impossible. From the moment he walked in, everyone was staring at him, or at least that was the way it felt. There were twenty people in the room.

Liz was right next to him and, while she also noted that the others were looking at them, she saw it differently; they were looks of concern and caring.

Judy walked over and broke the ice by hugging Josh.

“Good to see you up and about,” she greeted him.

“Thanks,” replied Josh.

“Look, you two get something to eat, and then we’ll talk about what happened,” she continued.

Josh found that he didn’t have the same appetite as before, and settled for a fresh fruit bowl, juice, and a blueberry muffin.

Lindsay really wanted to get up and sit next to Josh, but decided to give him his space. Besides, she had plenty of time to talk with him.

After everyone was done eating, Judy stood up and addressed the crowd.

“There’s no sense in trying to beat around the bush, yesterday something incredible happened to one of our family. It’s my intention that we do our best to give Josh all the support and protection he needs.”

Liz held Josh’s hand as they listened to Judy’s words. Both noticed the way Judy referred to Josh as one of the family.

“I have no idea what happened to you, Josh, but it changes nothing. No one outside this room knows what happened yesterday. Everyone here has agreed to protect your privacy and keep your secret, unless you tell us otherwise,” continued Judy.

There was the unanimous nodding of the heads of everyone in the room.

“Just to make it official, I have a document, signed by everyone who knows what happened to you, stating that they’ll protect your status.” She handed Josh a piece of paper.

Josh read the paper and saw the signatures, and he suddenly felt very funny and his lips began to quiver slightly. He felt a tear run down his cheek, and he reached up to brush it aside.

“Thank you,” he stated softly.

“I found out part of the problem. The lightning rod to the spa was incorrectly installed. I’ve already fixed it and will check those on all the other structures. I’m also going to ground the kettles, so that nothing similar ever happens again,” announced Gregory.

Josh nodded.

“There are many other unanswered questions. Liz, do you think we should shut down the mud baths?” asked Judy.

Liz shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. You said that your family has been using the mud for decades. It must have been a combination of the minerals in the mud and the electricity from the lightning. The copper kettle might have amplified the effect. I’d like to send away a sample of the mud for chemical analysis, if you don’t mind.”

“I think, until we get the test results back, we’d better use a different mud for the baths,” added Cari. “It’s not the main attraction of the spa anyway.”

“That’s true, the mineral springs are our big selling point,” interjected Tara.

“Did you use the spa water to mix the mud?” asked Liz.

Cari shook her head. “We tried that earlier; it didn’t work very well.”

“The mud’s consistency became sticky and very unpleasant to move around in. We use the water from the main waterline for the mud now,” noted Judy.

“Good, that will narrow down the analysis. I’ll be sending my friend both the mud from the kettle Josh was in and some from your main tank. That wasn’t affected by the lightning strike, was it?”

Cari shook her head.

Judy nodded. “One more thing, as much as I love the look of the kettles, I will look for a non-conductive replacement.”

There was some more discussion on the topic. Gregory was confident that the kettles would be safe once he grounded them. Additionally, he would manufacture a rubber mounting to further insulate the kettles. This was all well and good, but Josh was more concerned about how the others would treat him. He wondered if everyone was more concerned with the viability of the resort than his predicament.

Lindsey noticed his distress. She stood up and cleared her throat to get everyone else’s attention. “Josh, how do you want us to address you?”

This immediately stopped the spa conversation and directed everyone’s attention back to Josh.

Josh didn’t answer at first. He didn’t like the idea of changing his name; not only would that be an act of acceptance that he was now a female, but it was a tie to his father. Travis had named Josh after his sergeant, who had served with him in Korea. Likewise, Josh didn’t want unnecessary attention. This would be hard if everyone called him Josh; it wasn’t exactly a unisex name.

“Let me think about it,” he replied.

Lindsey smiled back. “No rush.”

No, there was a rush, thought Josh. Like it or not, he looked like a girl now, even if he didn’t feel like one. Blending in would require some changes, although Josh wanted as few as possible. Having a girl’s name, or a name that might be a girl’s name, was a necessity. The people in this room were all willing to lie to protect him, so what were a few sacrifices on his part?

He looked over at Lindsey and saw that she was also wearing shorts and a t-shirt. She noticed he was looking at her and she winked back.

“I’ll have something by tomorrow morning,” stated Josh softly.

Liz slipped her arm around him and pulled him close.

“I want to say, for both of us, how much we appreciate your concern,” she stated.

Chapter 10

The physical exam took nearly two hours. Liz wanted to make sure that she didn’t overlook anything. She took blood, urine, and DNA samples. These would be dropped off in Santa Fe that afternoon.

“What are you going to tell the doctor at the lab?” asked Josh.

“Just that it’s a dependent physical. Your name won’t be on the samples, just your Social Security Number. Besides, they’ll just process the samples for the tests that I’ve requested. Trust me, Josh, they’re far too busy to trace yours back to you,” stated Liz.

Josh nodded. “Sorry, I guess I’m just a little paranoid.”

Liz nodded. “Are you ready for me to give you the gynecological part of your exam?”

Josh let out a sigh. “You have no idea how strange it is to hear that from you.”

“I know. I’m not an expert, but I want to give you a quick check… before I take you to a gynecologist.”

Josh stared back. “Why? Can you see if something is wrong?”

“Josh, I’m a GP. I’ll sleep better once you have a full exam. I’m also going to schedule a CAT scan for you. We have no idea what happened to you, and I want to make sure that you’re completely healthy.”

“Okay. So what do I have to do?”

Liz explained what she was about to do and positioned Josh for the exam.

“Josh, I know you’re nervous. I was extremely anxious when I first was examined; it’s only natural. I’ll tell you everything that I’m doing and why, okay?”

Josh nodded. “Okay.”

The rest of the exam was soon over. Liz was pleased that Josh appeared to be healthy — no, make that extremely healthy.

“So, am I… complete?” asked Josh. “I mean… can I get pregnant?”

“I don’t know yet. We’ll need more tests, but everything looks normal. Time will tell,” she replied.

Josh absorbed her words, and then it hit him what she meant. “You mean that I should know in the next month?”

Liz nodded. “Just remember that a period is a natural bodily function.”

“That’s easy for you to say!” replied Josh as he dressed. “It’s hard enough imagining that I’m going to have a …. Damn, it’s hard enough just saying it, I can’t imagine having one!”

Liz smiled back. “You’ll be fine. Now, before you finish dressing, let me get your measurements first. Since I’ll be in Santa Fe anyway, I might as well pick up some things for you.”

“When will you be back?” asked Josh.

“I should be back by dinner,” she replied.

Chapter 11

Josh sat on the deck of the main lodge, looking out at a hawk circling in the sky. He had been watching it for nearly an hour, and he envied its apparently carefree existence. Now he had seen enough shows on Animal Planet to know this wasn’t true, but that hawk would adjust so much easier to a sex change, he thought.

An almanac was lying on the deck next to him. He had grabbed it in hope of finding a new name. He had highlighted several names. It was weird to be able to pick out a new name, he thought.

He was surprised to see that Tara was both a male and female name.

After his third review, he wrote down some of the better ones. The short list included, Lee, Jan, Jesse, Jirra, Terry, Paige, Randy, Kelsey, Shane, Shannon, Alex, Andy, and Dale.

“How’re you doing?” asked Lindsey.

Josh turned around and was pleased to see her standing behind him. “Not bad, I guess. Thanks.”

“Whatcha doing?’ she asked, as she sat down next to him.

“Working on a new name,” replied Josh. He showed the list to her.

“Jirra?” she asked.

Josh laughed. “It’s Aboriginal; it means kangaroo.”

“Cute.”

“I’m not exactly happy about changing my name, but it’s a necessity. I figure that a unisex name is the most acceptable.”

“Or a mysterious non-gender name,” replied Lindsey.

Josh nodded. “Anyway, I’m going to give Mom the list and get her input.”

“Good idea.”

There was a long silence.

“Thanks for this morning,” stated Josh softly.

“No problem,” she replied.

“There are so many things running through my mind right now. My life just got so complicated. I mean, what about my legal status? What about my school records? What do I tell the rest of our family?”

“Ease up, Josh. Try to take it one crisis at a time,” interrupted Lindsey.

“Good choice of words. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this,” bemoaned Josh.

“It could be worse,” she stated.

“Not by much. At least if I was physically injured people would understand. But I can’t just tell all my friends and family that I’m now a girl!”

“You make it sound like it’s a disease.”

Josh shrugged his shoulders.

“Being female isn’t that bad,” added Lindsey.

“Compared to what?” replied Josh.

Lindsey was about to reply when it hit her — she had nothing to compare it to. “Oh, I see what you mean. Still… “

“I’m now physically a girl. Mentally, I still see myself as a guy. I don’t want to be a girl. I have nothing against girls; it’s just that I don’t want to be one!”

Lindsey nodded. “I wish I could do something to make you feel better.”

“Just being here talking to me is helping a lot. I’m really scared, Lindsey. The reality of what has happened is just starting to hit me. I appreciate that everyone has been supportive, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m so worried about my future.”

“What do you want to do?” she asked.

“I want to be a writer.”

“Have you written about this so far?”

“No.”

“I suggest that you start. You need a way of relieving this stress before it overwhelms you. Record your thoughts, and don’t worry about editing it or trying to make it into a coherent story right now.”

“Good idea, thanks.”

“I do the same thing,” she stated.

“You want to be a writer?” he asked.

She shook her head. “No, I want to be a chef like my mom. I started keeping a journal when my mom got sick.”

“What do you mean?” asked Josh.

“She had cancer when I was ten. We almost lost her,” stated Lindsey.

“Oh. I’m sorry,” replied Josh.

“She’s been cancer-free since. Still, it was rough for all of us; writing down my thoughts really helped.”

Josh nodded.

“No one expects you to get over this anytime soon. I just want you to know that I’m in your corner,” continued Lindsey.

“Thanks. I apologize in advance for any future rants I may have,” stated Josh.

“No problem.”

“What time is it?” he asked.

Lindsey looked at her watch. “Almost three, why?”

“I want to go see Cari. I want to let her know that I don’t blame her for what happened.”

“I’m sure she knows that.”

“Still, I want to tell her to her face,” replied Josh. He stood up and picked up the book and papers.

“Mind if I tag along?” asked Lindsey.

Josh shook his head and smiled. “No, not at all.”

Chapter 12

Josh and Lindsey walked into the spa building.

“Does it bother you to come back in here?” asked Lindsey.

“No. I’m more leery of lightning than the spa, if that makes any sense,” he replied.

They walked out on the deck and found Cari and Tara examining the new mountings of the copper kettles.

Cari stood up and gave Josh a huge hug. “How’re you doing?”

“Can’t breathe!” Josh quipped.

Cari released him. “Sorry. I was so worried about you.”

Josh nodded. “I just wanted to let you know that I don’t blame anyone for what happened to me. It was just an accident.”

“Does that mean you’re accepting of what happened to you?” asked Tara.

“No,” replied Josh immediately.

Tara nodded. “I suppose it will take time.”

“Come on, let’s go sit down,” offered Cari. “I have some cold drinks in the fridge in my office.”

Josh showed them the short list of names.

“This is a good sign,” commented Tara, as she looked at the list.

“It’s just practical,” replied Josh.

“Your spirit will take time to adjust to the gift you have been given,” continued Tara. “But, from what I’ve seen, you’ll adapt.”

“I wish I had your optimism,” replied Josh, as he sipped his soda.

“What did you mean by gift, Tara?” asked Lindsey.

She smiled. “My grandmother was raised in the old ways, the ways of the ancients; she regarded anything that profoundly changed someone’s life as a gift. It was up to the recipient to find the positive aspects of the gift.”

“So you’re Native-American?” asked Josh.

“Half. My mother’s side of the family is Navajo; my father’s side is Mexican and Irish,” she replied.

“Mexican-Irish?” asked Lindsey.

Tara laughed. “My great-grandfather had to leave Ireland rather quickly in 1907. He was smuggled into England and placed on the first freighter leaving Liverpool. Eventually, he ended up in Veracruz, Mexico, just in time for their civil war. His expertise in explosives and his hatred of the oppressors drew him to the revolutionary factions. He even fought with Pancho Villa.”

“Wow!” replied Josh.

“After the fighting, he stayed in Mexico. He got married and moved to Mexico City and became, according to my grandfather, ‘respectable.’ He used his knowledge of blowing things up for good and became a mining engineer,” continued Tara.

“What happened then?” asked Lindsey.

“My grandfather came to the US to attend college. Like his father, he went into mining. He eventually became a US citizen and lived in Colorado. He married and had six children. My father moved to Santa Fe. He met my mom while he was working on a tourist dude ranch during a break from college. She was also working on the ranch.”

“Your family history would make a great book,” stated Josh.

“I’ve thought about it. I was an English major in college,” she replied.

“Josh wants to be a writer,” piped in Lindsey.

“Really? Well, we’ll have something else to talk about,” stated Tara. “Now, back to what I was saying before I told you my family history. To find balance in your life, you’ll need to accept what has happened.”

“That’s easier said than done,” replied Josh.

Tara chuckled. “Josh, no one expects you to accept these changes immediately. I’d be worried about you if you were now wearing a dress and makeup.”

“This won’t be easy, but you’ll adapt,” added Cari.

Josh turned and cocked his head at her.

“I know what you’re thinking, Josh. But I know all about being different. Try growing up a lesbian in Utah!” replied Cari.

In spite of himself, Josh laughed.

“I’m not downplaying the challenges that you’re going to have to deal with, but I just want you to know that you’re not alone,” continued Cari. “Everyone has challenges; yours are just a bit more extreme.”

“We also want you to know that we’re always here, should you need to vent,” interjected Tara.

“Absolutely! There will be times when you’ll need to purge your frustrations, and we’re both good listeners,” added Cari.

“Thanks,” replied Josh. He felt funny, as if he was going to start crying again.

Seeing his eyes tearing up, Cari handed him a box of tissues.

“Sorry,” replied Josh as he wiped his eyes.

“No need to apologize, Josh. You may still see yourself as male, but your body is female. Your emotional state is different now,” noted Cari.

Josh nodded. “Knowing doesn’t make it any easier to accept.”

Chapter 13

As Lindsey and Josh headed back to their cottages, they saw a green Land Rover approaching them.

“Looks like Mom is back from Santa Fe,” stated Josh. “Thanks for hanging out with me this afternoon. I really appreciated it.”

“Hey, I enjoyed it too. See you later,” she replied. She then hugged Josh and headed off to her cottage.

“How was the trip?” asked Josh as his mom stepped out of the SUV.

“Not bad. We should have the test results back within three days, except for the DNA; that takes a few weeks. Here, give me a hand with the bags,” she replied.

In spite of himself, Josh was curious about what was in the bags. He had worn a bra once as part of a Halloween costume. He tried to remember what it had felt like. Well, this wouldn’t be just a one night event. He might have to wear one the rest of his life.

They carried the bags into his room and set them down on his bed. Liz began to take the items out of the bags. She sorted them out and placed them in piles. Josh watched in silence.

“Okay, let’s start with the underwear. I want you to try on a pair of the panties and one of the bras. I’m pretty sure that I got the sizes right, but I want to make sure,” explained Liz. “Now, Josh, I know this is a little traumatic, but try to remember these are just normal clothes for the body you now have.”

Josh nodded and took the panties and bra from her. He examined them; they were both white cotton. He headed to his bathroom and changed. Josh had to admit that the panties fit pretty well. He struggled a little with bra.

“You need help?” asked Liz from the bedroom.

Josh decided to swallow his pride. “Yes, please.”

Liz smiled and walked in and helped him adjust the bra straps. She’d had a lot of time to think that day. In front of Josh, she did her best to be strong and supportive, but alone she had broken down several times that day. Six months ago everything had been perfect, now she was a widow and her only son was now a girl. She wondered what she had done wrong to deserve so much pain. However, she was determined not to let Josh know the distress she was experiencing.

“How’s that?” she asked.

“Okay, I guess,” replied Josh as he flexed around. It was strange enough wearing a bra, but what had made it stranger was actually needing one. Reluctantly, he had to admit that the bra felt comfortable.

“I also bought you some sports bras. They’re a little different than the one you’re wearing. Let me get one for you.”

After removing the first bra, Josh slipped the sports bra over his head and adjusted it on his chest.

“They’re great when you’re running, exercising, or doing a lot of lifting,” stated Liz.

“Okay, what’s next?” he asked, as he followed her back into his bedroom.

“Try on these shorts,” she stated as she handed him a pair of khaki shorts.

They didn’t look that different from his male shorts. He tried them on and discovered how they were different. Josh wasn’t pleased with the way they showed off his hips and butt, but they did fit better.

Liz nodded in approval. Not only was she pleased that the clothes fit, but that Josh was so willing to try them on. “Good, now here’s a top.”

Josh slipped on the olive-green sleeveless top.

“I know it’s a little different from what you’re used to wearing, but it will help you fit in easier,” explained Liz.

Josh nodded. “Cari and Tara were wearing similar tops this afternoon.” He looked over the other items. There were more shorts and tops.

“I was going to get you some jeans, but I’d rather you select them yourself,” stated Liz.

“What’s this?” asked Josh.

“I bought you a bathing suit.”

“Oh.”

“You’ll probably want to use the pool and the baths,” explained Liz.

Josh nodded. He held up the one-piece green suit.

“I didn’t think that you’d want a bikini,” continued Liz.

Josh turned and smiled.

“You can try it on later if you want.”

“Okay, thanks,” replied Josh. He folded the suit and set it down on the bed.

“This initial wardrobe will allow you to function around the resort, but you’ll need to expand it eventually,” stated Liz.

Josh nodded. “I know, but knowing is just part of the problem.”

Liz slipped her arm around his shoulders. “I’m so proud of how you’ve handled this so far. It can’t be easy, but you’re doing great.”

Josh smiled back and then hugged her.

Their tender moment was broken up by the sound of someone knocking on their door.

Liz went out to answer the door as Josh began to put his clothes away.

“Josh, that was Lindsey; her parents have invited us for dinner. It’s up to you,” stated Liz.

Josh thought about it. “Okay. That sounds good.” He really wanted to stay home, but decided that Mom should have a life too.

“Great, I’ll call them back.”

Josh looked at himself in the mirror and debated changing. No, these were his clothes now. Besides, they weren’t that different from his old clothes, he rationalized.

Chapter 14

In spite of himself, Josh enjoyed himself that evening. A lot had to do with the fact that he was spending more time with Lindsey. He liked her a lot and hoped that they could be more than just friends, and then it hit him that he was now a girl. Figures, he thought, I finally meet the girl of my dreams, and I’m now a girl myself!

Lindsey’s parents were really cool. They insisted that Josh call them by their first names, much to Liz’s annoyance. Josh remembered how Cody had helped him out of the kettle and thanked him.

“When I was told that you were struck by lightning, I thought you were a goner,” exclaimed Cody.

“It’s amazing that you weren’t burned or injured in any other way,” noted Hannah. “I’ll be right back — need to check on dinner.”

Josh nodded. He saw no point in saying that he hadn’t gotten out of it unscathed.

Hannah was a petite redheaded woman. Josh figured that she was barely five foot three.

“Can I help, Hannah?” asked Liz.

“Everything’s almost ready. We’re going to eat on the patio, so in a few minutes you can help me bring stuff out. Lindsey, you and Josh can set the table. Cody, will you get everyone drinks? We’re having New Mexico style chili, so I think beer will go better than wine. There’s a pitcher of fresh homemade lemonade for the kids.”

“I see that you’re wearing some new clothes,” noted Lindsey as they set the big round table.

Josh nodded. “Almost nothing from before fits me anymore, other than some sweatshirts and stuff like that. Thankfully, my feet haven’t shrunk, so I can still wear my old pair of Tevas.”

“I like them too. Look, I know that you’re probably not ready for dresses or skirts, and to be honest I don’t wear them a lot myself, but if you want help in building up your wardrobe, I’d be glad to help,” replied Lindsey.

Josh nodded. “Thanks.”

“That would be a great idea, Lindsey,” Liz concurred, as she and Hannah set out a batch of pots and dishes on a side table.

“OK, let me explain this meal,” Hannah said. “I’ve been learning about Southwestern cooking in preparation for the job here, and I just love this way of preparing and presenting chili. It lets everyone have their meal the way they want it, which is great when you’re serving many guests. It’s going to be our house special dinner on Wednesday nights at the spa.

“The official name of this is Pecos Valley Bowl of Red,” she stated, pointing to the biggest pot. “It’s just got the beef and sauce in it. There’s a lot of onions and garlic and ground red chiles in there, but most of the chiles are mild, so it’s not a super-hot dish. You add your own beans and garnishes to suit your own taste. Many people serve this over rice, but I prefer it over nice fresh cornbread, as you can see. Then these are just pinto beans cooked with some oil, onion, and garlic. Here are bowls of chopped sweet onion, chopped fresh Hatch green chiles, shredded cheddar and Monterey Jack cheese, and sour cream with the juice of a fresh lime stirred into it. Add those to suit your taste. If anyone’s a masochist and wants extra heat, there’re a couple bottles of hot sauces you may use.

“One more thing. I challenge Liz and Josh to tell me what the “missing” ingredient is. There’s one major ingredient that’s been in almost every bowl of chili you’ve ever had that’s not in this.” Hannah grinned broadly. “OK, that’s enough talk; grab a bowl and help yourselves. There are separate plates for the salad.”

Josh was already drooling from Hannah’s description and the smells, but he remembered his manners and stepped back to allow his mother and Lindsey to go first.

Cody laughed and said, “It’s okay, Josh, you get to go ahead with the ladies now.”

That idea was a whole new shock, but Josh didn’t take time to think about it; he was hungry. He was delighted to find that the beef was not ground, but nice half-inch chunks. He decided to try some of everything, although he went easy with the chopped green chiles.

Josh was amazed at the taste; it was rich and hearty, zesty, with just a nice little bite as the tastes reached the back of his mouth. He was also surprised at how good the green chiles were, adding just the right touch of fresh chile taste and crunch.

“This is awesome, Hannah!” he said. “I think I know where I’ll be on Wednesday nights!”

“It’s really excellent,” agreed Liz. “And this salad is the perfect accompaniment. I’d never thought of combining grapefruit and avocado in a salad, but it’s a lovely blend of tastes and textures.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you are enjoying it,” replied Hannah. “Help yourselves to more when you’re ready, but don’t forget to leave room for dessert. Lindsey made us a fresh lime chiffon pie.”

During dessert, Josh decided to ask something of Lindsey and her parents. “Can I ask you all something? How do you feel about what happened to me?”

There was a discernable silence while Josh’s question was digested.

“Please be honest,” he added.

Cody nodded and smiled. “Honest, huh? Well, I have to admit that it scared me; not that I was worried that it would happen to me, but just that it could happen to anyone.”

“You don’t expect people to just change sexes like that,” added Hannah. “It shocks your whole system.”

“Not to take away from your challenges, Josh, but there are some concerns for our future. What happens if this gets out?” added Cody.

Josh nodded. “I imagine that others feel the same way. Did you talk about this after we left the meeting yesterday?”

Cody and Hannah nodded. They saw no need to hide this from Josh.

“Josh, we’re all concerned about your well-being, but this now affects other people’s lives too,” stated Cody. “Not only could it shut down the spa, but it could put a very large and unwanted spotlight on everyone’s lives.”

“So, everyone who signed that letter this morning was also concerned about their own livelihoods too? Good,” stated Josh.

“Why good? I would have though you’d be upset.” asked Lindsey.

Josh cracked a small smile. “That means they have a real stake in protecting my secret. I know you and the others care about me, but this adds a new layer of protection. Thanks for being honest, Cody.”

He smiled back. It was rare to see such honesty in a person so young, he thought. He was determined more than before to protect Josh’s secret.

“Speaking of which, guests start arriving in a two weeks. Have you thought about how you want to be addressed?” asked Hannah.

“I have a short list,” replied Josh. “Mom, here’s my list. I’ll let you make the final choice.”

“Let’s pick it together,” replied Liz, as she looked at the list. The first thing that struck her was that Josh’s handwriting was slightly different. It was a bit neater than before.

“So, you’re going to portray yourself as a girl?” asked Lindsey.

“I really don’t see any other choice. There’s not much masculine left of me, at least physically anyway,” replied Josh. “I can’t hide in the cottage for the rest of my life. A writer can’t become a recluse until after he becomes famous.”

Josh’s quip caused a round of laughter.

“Okay, then I have a suggestion — actually several. First you need to do something about your hair,” remarked Lindsey.

Josh ran one of his hands through his hair. “Okay, but what?”

“Your hair is short, but a good stylist can do wonders with it,” she replied.

“I’m not sure about this…”

“Look, you said that you want to blend in. You can get a short style that’s sporty. It will be feminine, but not overdone.”

Josh nodded. He hated to admit it, but Lindsey was right. “Okay, what else?”

“Get your ears pierced. You can just wear studs; a lot of boys do that these days anyway.”

“Anything else?” he asked.

“You could wear some jewelry — nothing outlandish, maybe a ring or two, also a necklace. Oh, and you need a watch too. I won’t always be around to give you the time!”

“That reminds me, Josh. I got you a watch today, I was going to give it to you later, but now is a good time,” stated Liz. She reached in her bag and pulled out a watch and handed it to him.

He smiled as he noticed that she had already set the watch. It was a sport digital watch, similar in style to his old watch. He placed it on his wrist. It was still strange seeing how dainty his wrists were now.

“Thanks, Mom. I like it,” replied Josh.

“You’re welcome,” she replied. “By the way, looking at the name list, what’s this one?”

Josh smiled seeing the name she was pointing at. “Jirra? It means kangaroo.”

Liz began to laugh uncontrollably. When she regained her composure, she turned to Josh and smiled. “You have no idea how appropriate it is you put this on the list.”

Everyone gave Liz a puzzled look, especially Josh.

“I suppose it’s a parent’s right to be able to embarrass their child every now and then,” stated Liz. “You know that Dad was stationed in Korea right after we married. I was still stationed in California at an army hospital. We took leave together in Australia, and that’s where you were conceived.”

Josh felt his face turning red. “Thanks for sharing that with everyone.” He glanced at Lindsey who was smiling back at him.

“It’s okay, Josh; Lindsey was conceived in a VW wagon while we were following the Dead,” stated Cody.

“I was not!” snapped back Lindsey.

“That’s right, dear, it wasn’t a VW; it was an RV,” corrected Hannah.

Lindsey rolled her eyes in mock anger. “Parents!”

“Anyway, when I told Dad that I was pregnant with you, he jokingly said that we should call you Joey, after the name of a baby kangaroo,” continued Liz.

Josh nodded. “You know, I’m beginning to like the name Jirra more and more.”

“It would make a colorful addition to your biography, once you become a famous writer,” added Lindsey.

“I don’t think that’s going to be a problem,” replied Josh. He then laughed.

“So do you want to sleep on it?” asked Liz. “The name change I mean.”

“What do you think?” asked Josh.

“I like it, it’s different,” replied Liz.

“I like it too,” piped in Lindsey.

Cody and Hannah nodded.

Josh nodded. “Jirra it is.”

“One more thing, with the name change, does that mean you want to be referred to as a girl too?” asked Lindsey.

Jirra thought about it for a second. “I still don’t see myself as a girl. But considering the way I now look, and with the name change, it would make more sense to do that. I just want you all to know that I do this reluctantly.”

“Remember what Tara said, rediscovering balance in your life will take time,” stated Lindsey.

“You’ve taken some great steps today, and I’m so proud of you, Jirra,” stated Liz.

“So do you see me as your son or your daughter?” asked Jirra.

A knowing smile slowly formed on her face. “That’s easy, I see you as my one and only child.”

Chapter 15

Later that evening, Jirra and Liz were sitting in their living room.

“That was an interesting evening,” stated Jirra.

“Yes, I agree. I really like our neighbors. I’m so happy you have a good friend in Lindsey.”

Liz was pleased that it was Lindsey who had made the suggestions regarding Jirra’s appearance. It was nice that Lindsey had taken it upon herself to help her.

Jirra sighed. “Mom, I really like her, and not just in a friendship sort of way. The change may have been mostly physical, and my new female hormones may make my emotions looser, but I still see myself as a guy sexually, and I still like girls.”

Liz nodded. “I understand. I don’t know if those feelings will change over time. We don’t know the why and how about your transformation, so we can’t be sure if it’s done.”

Jirra nodded. “I’ve been wondering about that myself. I don’t want to be fighting these feelings the rest of my life.”

“In many ways, you’re dealing with the issues that transgendered people deal with.”

Jirra nodded and stifled a yawn.

“Why don’t you go to bed? It’s been a long day,” Liz suggested.

“No argument here. So, did you buy me a nightgown today?”

“Please! Why would I waste my money? You haven’t worn pjs since you were four!”

Jirra smiled. “Thanks again, Mom.”

“For what?”

“For being here. I know that this hasn’t been easy for you either. I also know that I’m going to be a pain to deal with because of what happened.”

“As opposed to you being a pain before this happened?” replied Liz.

Jirra smiled. “You know what I mean. I meant what I said about still seeing myself as a guy. The changes I’ve made are all for practical reasons, but it doesn’t mean that I’ve given up hope that this isn’t permanent.”

“Do you really think that way?” asked Liz.

Jirra shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. I guess that I’m just stubborn and don’t like to admit when I’ve lost.”

“Even if this can’t be reversed, you haven’t lost. You still have your health and brains.”

Jirra nodded. “Good night, Mom. I love you.”

Liz hugged her child. “I love you too.”

Chapter 16

The following morning, Jirra staggered out to the kitchen. She was wearing the same shorts and t-shirt that she had slept in.

“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” stated Liz as she sipped her coffee.

“I didn’t sleep that well last night. These got in the way!” exclaimed Jirra as she pointed to her breasts. “I had to find a new sleeping position to accommodate for THEM.”

Liz smiled back. “You’ll have to used to them. Just be glad they’re not bigger.”

Jirra rolled her eyes. “Great. Something else to look forward to.”

“Are you going to be a grouch all day?”

Jirra smiled. “Maybe.”

Liz nodded. “While I was in Santa Fe, I made appointments for you, for both a CAT scan and a full physical by a gynecologist.”

Jirra nodded. “When?”

“In two days. We’ll spend the night there.”

Jirra nodded. “What did you tell them?”

“I just told them that you’re my daughter.”

“What if they discover something weird?”

“We’ll handle that if it arises. For now, let’s just assume everything will be normal.”

Jirra raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, maybe normal isn’t the best choice of words,” replied Liz. “You’d better get changed; we’re heading up to breakfast shortly.”

Jirra nodded. She returned to her room and picked out a pair of shorts and a blue t-shirt. Studying her reflection in the mirror, she began to run her fingers through her hair. Lindsey was right; she needed to get it styled. Right now, it didn’t look male or female, just shaggy.

Breakfast that morning featured blueberry pancakes. Previously, Jirra would have had a full stack, but she didn’t feel that hungry and only took two. She had noticed that her appetite was less than before. Just another change to get used to, she thought.

Jirra also noticed the stares she was getting. She knew that she would be addressing everyone shortly, and hoped that eventually she wouldn’t be the object of everyone’s attention.

Lindsey and her parents came in a few minutes later and joined Liz and Jirra.

“You going to announce your new name this morning?” asked Lindsey.

Jirra nodded.

“What’re you doing today?” she asked.

Jirra shrugged her shoulders.

“I’m going into the local town; you want to come along? I’ve been told they have a good hair salon there. Cari told me that’s where she gets her hair cut.”

Jirra shrugged. “I guess so.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” replied Lindsey.

“No, it’s okay. It’s just something new to get used to,” replied Jirra.

“Cool.”

Jirra then told Lindsey about the impending trip to Santa Fe.

A few minutes later, Judy stood up and addressed the staff. “Okay, folks, soon we’ll be in business. I’ll be meeting with everyone today to discuss any last minute problems or issues. I sent out the times to your e-mail addresses. Now, before we go any further, one of our family has an announcement to make.” She then pointed towards Jirra.

Jirra nodded and nervously stood up. “Since it’s obvious that I don’t look like a Josh anymore, I’d like to be called Jirra from now on. Additionally, as it makes more sense, I’d like to be treated as a girl.” That sounded stupid, she thought.

Jirra’s announcement was met by a standing ovation. Jirra smiled and sat down.

“We all know what a big change and sacrifice this is for you, Jirra, and we all promise to protect your secret,” stated Cody.

There was another round of applause.

Jirra wasn’t sure if this was for her or because it meant that the spa wouldn’t be negatively affected.

Cari and Tara stopped by Jirra’s table before leaving.

“Great name. I think you made the right choice,” stated Cari.

Tara nodded in agreement. “When you get a chance, stop by sometime today. I have something for you.”

Jirra nodded and wondered what it was.

Chapter 17

On the way into town, Jirra wondered if she was doing the right thing. Her hair didn’t look so bad, she thought. She looked in the mirror and ran her fingers through it again.

“Relax,” stated Lindsey, as if she could read Jirra’s mind.

Jirra smiled back. “Sorry, I’m just a little nervous.”

“Only a little?” asked Lindsey.

“Okay, a lot nervous. I just see things like wearing a bra, cutting my hair, or changing my name, as giving up. I still don’t accept that this is my fate,” stated Jirra.

“It’s not giving up, it’s adapting. You know that.”

Jirra nodded. “I guess so. This is so damn weird.”

The closest town was only twenty minutes away from the spa. It had a population of less than four thousand, and for the most part had been dying. However, the opening of a world class spa just up the road had breathed new life into it. Main Street had been a bunch of closed stores, but was now abuzz with renovation. There was even a coffee house opening soon.

“Wow. This is all due to the spa?” asked Jirra.

Lindsey nodded. “Yes, it’s amazing isn’t it.”

“I had no idea that the spa was that important to the area,” replied Jirra.

“According to Judy, they’re counting on the overflow business. The same thing supposedly happened with other spas. The spa will attract day visitors, and they’ll stay here.”

“I had no idea that it was that lucrative,” stated Jirra.

“Oh, yes. That’s why everyone’s nervous about your situation.”

Jirra nodded.

Lindsey then told Jirra the style of cut she should ask for.

They pulled into a parking spot in front of the hair salon.

“This was one of the first new businesses in town, according to Cari. They moved here from Santa Fe. The good thing is that they give us a discount!” noted Lindsey.

They walked in and were greeted by an overly pleasant woman.

“Good morning, I’m Stacy. Do you have an appointment?”

“No, we were hoping for a walkup,” answered Lindsey.

Stacy shook her head. “I’m sorry, we’re booked solid today.”

“Oh, sorry to hear that. We just came down from Caldera de Gaia, and I was hoping you could get my friend in,” stated Lindsey.

“Oh, you’re from the spa?” she replied in an eager-to-please, excessively friendly tone.

“Yes. My father is the entertainment director, and my mom’s the head chef. Jirra’s mom is the staff physician.”

“That’s wonderful!” replied Stacy. “We’re so pleased that you’ll be opening soon.”

Jirra smiled at the attention they were getting.

Stacy checked the appointment book and at the same time waved to another woman. “Well, let me see… oh yes, it looks like we have a cancellation. Karen, this is…”

“Jirra.”

“Interesting name,” stated Stacy.

A dark haired woman walked up and smiled. She seemed amused with Stacy’s performance.

Karen took Jirra and Lindsey back to her booth. “Don’t mind Stacy, she’s practicing for the tourists. So what can I do for you?”

Jirra immediately liked Karen, who seemed more genuine than Stacy.

“My friend, Jirra, just arrived out here, and is in desperate need of a style,” stated Lindsey.

Karen nodded. “Let me guess, you’re from the east coast?”

“Philly area,” replied Jirra.

“I thought so. Your hair has that east coast new way look. It’s way too butch for you,” stated Karen.

“I want something easy to style, yet sporty,” explained Jirra, remembering Lindsey’s words from their ride into town.

“That’ll work nicely,” agreed Karen.

An hour later, Jirra walked out with a new style. It wasn’t that bad, she thought, although it did make her look more feminine. Karen had also waxed Jirra’s brows.

“It’s a big improvement,” stated Lindsey.

“I guess so,” replied Jirra.

They walked down the street and walked into a newly open boutique. It was filled with the latest in fashion for young women. Lindsey began to look at a blouse. Jirra tried to get interested, but it felt strange to her. After a few minutes, she walked over to Lindsey.

“I’ll wait for you outside,” she stated and headed to the exit.

Lindsey put the blouse back on the rack and followed Jirra out.

“You okay?” asked Lindsey.

Jirra shrugged her shoulders. “It felt weird being in that shop. I felt like I was an interloper. I know that I look like just another girl in there, but I still feel like a guy.”

Lindsey nodded. “My bad. I should have asked you before we went in. It’s a lot to ask, being you were a guy just a few days ago.”

“A few days? It seems like months,” replied Jirra.

“I know something we can do; there’s a cool outdoor clothing store nearby. I need a new pair of hiking boots. You feel like joining me?”

Jirra nodded. “That’s cool. I’m sorry about pulling out of there.” She pointed back to the boutique.

“No need, Jirra. Let’s go back to the car. The store is just outside of town. I remember seeing it when we were here back in the spring.”

Ten minutes south of town, they found the shop. It sold outdoor equipment and clothing.

“This looks new,” stated Jirra.

“It is, another business tied to the spa. Dad met with the owner of this place, and they might work together to schedule hiking and rock climbing classes,” explained Lindsey.

They walked in and headed right to the shoe section. As Lindsey picked out a new pair of boots, Jirra also looked for a pair. She had wanted to buy a new pair even before the change.

She found a couple of styles she’d like to try on, but suddenly realized that she didn’t know her shoe size. She knew Josh’s size, but she knew that there was a difference.

“Can I help you?”

Jirra turned around and saw a young, rugged looking guy standing in front of her. The name on his tag identified him as Rick.

“I’m interested in a new pair of boots,” replied Jirra.

“Those are both good pairs. However, let’s talk about what sort of hiking you’re interested in,” stated Rick.

For the new ten minutes, Rick quizzed Jirra on her athletic abilities and what sort of hiking she was interested in.

“Okay. Now we need to check your shoe size,” he stated. He led her to a chair. “I always take the measurement myself. So many people get boots that are the wrong size.”

Jirra smiled and let out a sigh of relief.

He then brought out a few pairs of boots, and Jirra tried them on.

“So, are you here on vacation?” he asked.

Jirra shook her head as she walked around in a pair of boots. “My mom works at Caldera de Gaia.”

“Cool. Well, that gets you ten percent off,” he replied. “Obviously, I’m Rick, and you are?”

“I’m Jirra,” she replied.

“Jirra. That’s an interesting name,” he replied.

It suddenly hit her that Rick was attracted to her. Crap, this is the last thing I want or need in my life right now, she thought.

“Well, thanks for the help,” she stated.

“I may see you again. I’ll be helping with the hiking classes some days,” announced Rick. He then winked at her.

Jirra nodded and walked away to find Lindsey. Crap. Crap, crap, crap, she thought.

She found Lindsey in the women’s clothing section. She leaned over to Lindsey and told her what had happened.

Lindsey nodded. “I hate to tell you this, Jirra, but you’re cute. Guys are going to hit on you.”

Jirra let out a sigh.

“Don’t let it bother you too much. Rick’s nice. I met him the last time we were here. His dad runs this store. Now, I think this will look great on you,” stated Lindsey as she held up a light yellow cotton blouse.

Jirra had to admit that she liked the blouse, maybe because it didn’t look too feminine. She ended up picking out a few tops, shorts, pants, and a hat.

“For someone who doesn’t like shopping, you did pretty good in there,” noted Lindsey.

“I need clothes, but I don’t want overly fem stuff. The clothing here is practical, and I like how it looks,” replied Jirra.

Lindsey nodded. “That makes sense. Still, someday you need to try on a skirt.”

Jirra shook her head. “Not anytime in the near future.”

Chapter 18

Back at the spa, Jirra unpacked her new clothes. She had doubled her wardrobe. She looked at her old clothes, and a sense of sadness swept over her; they were a reminder of her old life. She began to carefully pack up all her male clothing and place it in an empty box. Out of sight, out of mind, she thought.

She then walked next door and knocked on Lindsey’s door.

“I’m going over to see Tara; you want to join me?”

Lindsey nodded and they headed over to Tara’s office. They found her by the mineral pools.

“You hair looks nice, Jirra,” Tara complimented her.

“Thanks,” replied Jirra. She nervously ran her hand through her hair.

“I have something that I thought you’d like. Follow me, I have it in my office,” stated Tara.

She walked to her office and opened up the top desk drawer. She pulled out a small leather pouch.

“Cari and I were on vacation a few years ago down in Australia. We spent a few days with some of the Aborigines, and I was given this in trade for a turquoise necklace,” explained Tara as she opened up the pouch.

She then poured the contents out into Jirra’s hand. Jirra looked down to see a carved stone kangaroo. The artist had carved it in profile in a full stride. The stone was reddish in color. The kangaroo was attached to a silver chain.

“The chain was bought in a shop in Perth. The woman who gave it to me told me that I would find a person to pass this onto. Considering your new name, I can’t think of anyone I’d rather give this to,” continued Tara. “I was told that it would bring me good luck. I figure you could use it now.”

Jirra shook her head. “I can’t accept this.”

Tara smiled and reached out and used her hands to close Jirra’s. “Yes, you can. I want you to have it. Here, let me help you put it on.”

Jirra examined the necklace around her neck. “Thank you very much.” She then hugged Tara.

“A stone kangaroo isn’t going to solve all your problems, but I figure it’s a good place to start,” replied Tara.

“I’ll treasure it always,” replied Jirra.

“I have something else I want to talk to you about,” stated Tara, as she sat on the edge of her desk.

Lindsey and Jirra sat down on the couch across from her desk.

“I talked to my mother and told her what happened. She contacted some of the elders. They believe that this is a gift bestowed on you. They understand the conflicts you’re dealing with, but they say for your spirit to be at peace in the universe you must find balance in your life again.”

“Did they tell you how?” asked Jirra.

Tara shook her head. “That is up to you. Basically, you must find equilibrium between your inner self and your body. That doesn’t mean giving up everything.”

“Tara, that’s easier said than done. I had a guy hit on me this morning; it didn’t feel right.”

Tara smiled. “You need to merge; it will be a give and take. As far as your sexuality is concerned, no one said that you had to like boys.”

Jirra nodded slowly.

“You’ll find that your life won’t be that different. Yes, there are physical changes and issues you’re going to have to deal with. You want to be a writer, so be one.”

“Yes, but what about the legal side of everything? How do I handle that?”

“Name changes aren’t that hard to do. Many states allow you to change birth certificates too; I have a transgendered friend who changed her paperwork,” replied Tara.

“But what do I do about my physical changes? I mean what happens if I’m fertile?”

“Well, other than dealing with a period, it shouldn’t be an issue. You already said that you aren’t attracted to men, so your chances of getting pregnant are greatly decreased.”

Jirra smiled. “True.”

“The elders also said that this will take time. Let nature take its course.”

Jirra nodded. “Thanks.”

“I may have lost touch with the old ways, but I believe the elders. Feel free to drop in anytime if you want to talk about it.”

“I will. Thanks again.”

Chapter 19

Jirra and Lindsey walked back towards their cottages. Jirra was examining the kangaroo around her neck. She was also lost in her thoughts.

“That’s really something special,” commented Lindsey.

“I know,” replied Jirra.

“Just so you know, I’m not bothered by the fact that you still like girls.”

Jirra turned and looked at Lindsey.

“Jirra, it makes sense. You still see yourself as male and, unless you were gay before the change, there’s no reason to think that you’d suddenly like men.”

“And you don’t mind?”

“It’s your life. We’re friends now, so we can be honest with each other. Just so you know, I’m not into girls,” explained Lindsey.

“I figured that,” replied Jirra.

“You sound disappointed.”

Jirra laughed. “Maybe I am. I like you a lot, but I’m content to be friends, since I have no other choice.”

“That’s cool. Just so you know, I thought you were a pretty cute guy,” Lindsey confessed.

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?” asked Jirra in mock anger.

Lindsey laughed.

Jirra smiled back. Tara’s words came back to her; you need to find balance in your life, and the question would be, how?

Chapter 20

Liz and Jirra had dinner alone that evening. Liz was very pleased with Jirra’s new hair style. She also liked the outfits that Jirra had picked out.

“I may have to go there myself. Ten percent discount you say?” asked Liz.

Jirra nodded as she ate some of her salad. “The only problem was that I was getting hit on by one of the staff.” Jirra then described what had happened. “Lindsey said that it’s something that I better get used to.”

“Well, you’re very attractive,” Liz complimented her.

Jirra began to blush.

“Oh, changing the subject, the movers called today.”

“Cool, so when do we get the rest of our stuff?” asked Jirra.

“Tomorrow. I talked to Judy about the furniture, and she doesn’t mind us keeping what’s already here. I like the southwestern style. There are a few pieces I want, like Grandma’s rocking chair, and your father’s desk, but the rest I really don’t care about. What about you?”

“Can I have Dad’s desk?” asked Jirra.

It was an antique roll-top desk, with an attached book shelf.

“I think he’d like that. Anything else?”

Jirra thought about it. “Just the bookshelves.”

“You know, we really don’t need a guest bedroom, why don’t we turn it into your study? I have my office in the clinic, and, if you’re going to become the next great author, you’ll need a place to work. We could put the desk in there, along with the books. What do you think?”

Jirra broke out in a huge smile. “That would be awesome! You really don’t mind?”

Liz shook her head. “We were leaning towards you finishing out school here anyway, so you need a place to work. Besides, your bedroom is too small.”

“Thank you,” replied Jirra, who leaned over and hugged her mom.

Liz then noticed the kangaroo charm around Jirra’s neck. “Did you get that in town today?”

Jirra shook her head and told Liz how Tara had given it to her and the story behind it.

“Looks like you really picked the right name,” Liz replied.

Jirra nodded.

“Okay, so how’re you doing?” asked Liz, as she got up to make some tea.

Jirra began to clear the table. “Not too bad. I’m better when I’m busy and don’t have time to think about things.”

Liz sat back and let Jirra talk.

“I also don’t like being alone. I’m so grateful that Lindsey is my friend,” continued Jirra.

Liz nodded. She had noticed how dependent Jirra had become, and how she hated to be alone. She wasn’t overly worried, as she expected it would pass as Jirra accepted her new life.

“What are we going to do about my legal status?” asked Jirra.

“I talked to Judy today; she’s going to have her lawyer contact me. We’ll just file the papers and press on.”

Jirra smiled back. “Thanks.”

Liz pulled Jirra close and gave her child a long hug. “We’ll get through this.”

“I keep expecting to wake up and find that it’s all been a strange dream,” stated Jirra.

“Me too.”

Their tender moment was interrupted by the shrill whistle from the tea kettle.

Chapter 21

Judy had a few workmen carry out the excess furniture from the guest bedroom.

“So this is going to be your study?” she asked Jirra.

Jirra nodded eagerly.

“I understand you want to be a writer. Do you have a portfolio?” she asked.

“Yes, I put one together for some of the colleges I applied to.”

“Do you mind if I look at it?” asked Judy.

Jirra shook her head. “Why?”

“I like to use the local talent. I want to put out a weekly newsletter, and I’m looking for an editor. Your mom told me that you were the editor for your school’s paper and that it won a few awards. You interested?”

Jirra stared back in shock. “You mean it?”

Judy nodded. “Yes, and before you say another word, this isn’t some pity thing. You’re only getting the job if I like your writing style.”

“That’s fair. There are copies of the paper in my portfolio. Do you want it now?”

Judy nodded.

Jirra ran to her room and retrieved a copy of her portfolio. She hurried back and handed it to Judy.

“Excellent. I can’t wait to read this. Now, if you get the job, I can’t pay you, but I will buy you a new computer to use for the newsletter, is that acceptable?”

Jirra nodded. “That’s more than fair.”

Judy smiled back. “Great. I’ll get back to you after I read this. Now, if you do a good job on the newsletter, I may have some additional work for you with the spa.”

“Really?” replied Jirra excitedly.

Judy nodded.

“Jirra, the moving truck is here,” called out Liz.

Chapter 22

By late afternoon, most of the boxes had been sorted. The garage was being used for the unwanted furniture. Judy had already contacted a local charity that was more than willing to take it.

Jirra was busy unpacking boxes of books and sorting them onto the bookshelves in her study. She was so busy that she completely forgot that the following day they would be going to Santa Fe for her medical examinations.

Liz checked in on her every now and then. She was still concerned with how Jirra was handling the change. She was very thankful that Judy was considering Jirra to produce the spa’s newsletter. The last thing she wanted was to have Jirra bored.

“Honey, we need to get dinner going soon. Can you take a break?”

“Sure, Mom, I’m almost done anyway,” she replied.

Dinner was provided by Hannah, who had cooked some chicken breasts for them.

Over dinner, Liz mentioned that their unwanted furniture would be picked up by a local charity.

“When?” asked Jirra.

“Not until we get back from Santa Fe, why?”

“Well, there’s several boxes of clothing that no longer fit me; it would be a shame to have them go to waste,” replied Jirra.

Liz nodded. She understood the significance of this step and reached over and took Jirra’s hand.

Jirra hesitated and tried to respond, but her emotions caused her to choke up.

“It’s not necessary, dear. I understand,” Liz commented softly.

Jirra wiped the tears away from her eyes. “Thanks.”

“So tell me, what are your plans for the newsletter?” asked Liz, in attempt to change the topic.

“Well, I want input from everyone. In addition to using the newsletter for general spa info, we could use it to promote the staff’s skills. For example, I’m going to ask Hannah if she’ll contribute some recipes. I’m also going to post things like the discounts at local merchants.”

Liz nodded. She was pleased that Jirra was already thinking about the newsletter. It would be a nice distraction from her transformation.

“I’d also like to profile the staff in the newsletter.”

“You know, since you only need a few general credits to get your high school diploma, this could fit the bill,” stated Liz.

“I hadn’t thought of that, but you’re right. It could also help me in getting accepted into college,” replied Jirra. “That’s assuming a college will have me.”

“No more talk like that! You’re going to college!”

Jirra nodded. “So will my academic record also be changed?”

“I don’t see why not, after all it’s just paperwork,” answered Liz.

“I hope so. I really want to go to college.”

“Honey, you can do anything you want if you put your mind to it. Yes, there may be some obstacles in the application process, but once a school accepts you that won’t matter. You’ll be accepted at face value. Do you really think that your professors will check to see if you were actually born female?”

Jirra shrugged her shoulders. “Probably not.”

“Okay, so you concentrate on applying to college, and I’ll have the lawyer work on the paperwork.”

Jirra nodded. “Who knows, I might get accepted because I fit some quota need!”

“Very funny, Roo! Well, we’re heading out early tomorrow. I suggest that you get a good night’s sleep.”

“Roo?”

“Sure, why not? I was always fond of those characters from Winnie the Pooh,” replied Liz.

“Okay, but please don’t use it in front of others!”

Liz shook her head. “Nope. I reserve the right of a parent to embarrass her child!”

Jirra smiled back. She knew how lucky she was.

Chapter 23

“What will I say when the doctor asks me about my period? I mean, I haven’t had one yet, and I don’t know if I’m even going to have one,” asked Jirra as they drove towards Santa Fe. “Do I tell her that I used to be a guy?”

Liz cracked a smile. “No, I don’t think that would be a good answer. You’re going to have the CAT scan first. If everything looks normal, then we can skip the appointment for now.”

“You can do that?”

“Of course. I only scheduled the exam as a precaution should there be any issues,” stated Liz.

“Okay, that makes sense,” replied Jirra.

“The CAT scan won’t take too long. Afterwards, I’ll review the results with the other doctors. That may take a few hours. If you want, you can go back to the hotel,” stated Liz.

“No way. If there are any problems, I want to know about them immediately,” replied Jirra. “Besides, I have my new journal to write in.”

Just before they’d left the spa that morning, Lindsey had given Jirra a leather-bound journal. A kangaroo was embossed on the cover.

They arrived at the clinic on time. The technician explained to Jirra the procedure for the scan.

“You’ll need to undress completely, also remove any jewelry,” she explained.

Jirra was handed a hospital gown and led to a changing room. She immediately discovered that the gowns fit women even worse than they did males. She gingerly walked back into the room, careful that the gown didn’t come undone.

“Now, you may actually fall asleep during the procedure,” explained the technician, as she led Jirra to the machine.

Liz sat next to one of the attending doctors at the control console.

“Tell me, Dr. Reid, what do you suspect?” he asked.

“It’s just precautionary. Our family has a history of tumors, and I want to make sure that Jirra is clean. I also want this as a baseline examination,” explained Liz.

“Wise decision,” replied the doctor. His gut told him that she was lying, but he couldn’t figure out why.

From Jirra’s viewpoint, it was pretty boring. She just kept still as the machine scanned her. Meanwhile, Liz was paying special attention to the computer screen.

“Well, I don’t see any tumors. In fact, your daughter looks to be in perfect health,” stated the doctor.

Liz nodded. “That’s a relief.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, this is a pretty expensive test to run, especially considering your daughter has no symptoms of anything wrong,” he continued.

“I do mind you asking,” retorted Liz. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I recently lost my husband, and I just want to make sure that Jirra is healthy.”

He smiled back. “Sorry to be so nosey.”

“It’s okay. Thank you for the use of your facility,” she replied.

An hour later, Liz and Jirra were sitting together in a coffeehouse discussing the results of the examination.

“So, I take it everything is there?” asked Jirra.

“Yes, you’re a perfectly healthy young woman.”

“And there’s no residual of my original gender?”

“Nope.”

“Does that mean I’m capable of getting pregnant?” asked Jirra softly.

“The scan just shows that you have all the organs. We can get the full exam if you wish, or we can wait to let nature take its course,” replied Liz.

“I’ll wait,” replied Jirra.

“Okay, that means we need to have a mother-daughter talk about what to expect.”

“Not here, okay?”

“Please, Roo, I said I reserved the right to embarrass you, but even that would be going too far.”

Jirra smiled back. “Thanks, Kanga!”

“Well, I’ll call and cancel tomorrow’s appointment. Do you want to spend the night here or go back home?”

“It’s up to you,” replied Jirra.

“I wouldn’t mind relaxing here, having a nice dinner, and going back in the morning; it’s been a long day,” she replied.

Jirra nodded.

“I have another request. While I admit that you look nice in your outdoorsy look, I think we should use this time to expand your wardrobe slightly.”

“You tricked me,” replied Jirra with a grin.

Liz raised an eyebrow. “Roo, there are going to be functions at the spa that we’ll both have to attend. You’ll need something a little dressier than what you’re wearing.”

“Like what?” asked Jirra, dreading the answer.

“Skirt and blouse,” replied Liz. “Before you argue, a skirt is just a piece of clothing; it’s nothing more.”

Jirra nodded slightly. “If you say so.”

“We’re not talking mini skirts here. I think you’ll need a few skirts, some long, some to the knees. Also shoes, although we can compromise and get sandals.”

“Anything else?”

“You want to get your ears pierced today?”

“Probably be safer than back in town,” she replied.

“Okay. Let’s go check into the hotel and go shopping. I promise that I’ll make it as painless as possible.”

“I know, Mom.”

Chapter 24

While Jirra wasn’t into the actual shopping, she did enjoy the time with her mom. Due to their constant moving around while she grew up, she had grown closer to her mom than most kids. Jirra truly appreciated this as she tried to adapt to her new life.

Wearing a skirt was a totally new experience. It wasn’t just a more feminine form of clothing; it forced her to walk and sit differently.

“I guess I’d better practice in these before I go to any spa functions,” Jirra remarked to Liz, as she modeled a long cotton skirt.

“Especially sitting,” added Liz.

“At least I’ll be in sandals. I don’t even want to think about high heels. I almost broke my neck the time I wore a pair with my Halloween costume,” replied Jirra.

“Even I don’t wear heels much anymore. But there will be times that you’ll need to be dressed up.”

“I know,” replied Jirra.

“You like this one?”

Jirra smirked. “No.”

Liz cocked her head at her child.

“Okay, it’s not that bad. That makes four I’ve picked out, along with the couple pairs of jeans,” replied Jirra.

“We’ve done well then. Let’s go get lunch, and then we’ll find a place to get your ears pierced.”

They walked back to the hotel and dropped off their shopping bags. They passed a bistro one block from the hotel and decided that it looked pretty good.

They each ordered the pasta salad. Liz wasn’t into the fad diets and had long stressed that they should eat a balanced diet and exercise.

“I’m very relieved about the test results,” confessed Liz. “I was worried that your transformation might have caused internal problems.”

“The question still remains, why?”

“I know. I sent the mud samples to a friend for analysis. Judy said that the mud was supposed to have been used by native women, especially during puberty, fertility, and menopausal rites. I suspect that there’s something in the mud that accelerates female hormone production.”

“I know that everyone produces both male and female hormones, but would the mud be potent enough to transform me?”

“I’m glad that you paid attention in your human sexuality classes. I don’t think the mud by itself is powerful enough to do anything. Even after repeated soakings, the changes, if any, would be minor. No, I think it was the lightning. The copper kettle served to concentrate the effect.”

“So, you don’t think that it can be repeated?” asked Jirra.

“Not if my theory is right. Lightning is very powerful and, short of another strike, I don’t see it happening again.”

“What would happen to a guy who repeatedly soaked in the mud?”

“Not much, if anything. Hormones are powerful things and they’re not easy to override. Even for someone undergoing gender reassignment, they must take a sizable dose consistently to cause change. The mud probably does affect women more.”

“So no need to put up warning signs?” smirked Jirra.

Liz laughed. “No, I don’t think that’ll be necessary.”

“I still can’t believe that it happened,” stated Jirra softly.

Liz reached over and took Jirra’s hand. “You’re doing fine, Roo.”

“Inside, I feel the same.”

Liz nodded. “That may change over time.”

“I understand that the hormones will cause some emotional changes, but I still feel like a guy.”

“I assume that you’re recording your feelings,” stated Liz.

Jirra nodded. “I’m venting a lot of emotions — a lot of emotions.”

“I’m always here, should you want to talk in person.”

“I know, and I appreciate it. It’s just there are things I need to write out. I want to be able to go back and see if I’m changing.”

Liz smiled back. “Good idea.”

“Don’t worry; I’m not going to do anything stupid. Am I happy that I’m a girl? No. But I have no intention of… checking out.”

“I know,” replied Liz.

“Were you worried about me doing something like that?”

Liz stared back. “As a mother, no. But as a doctor, I’ve been trained to always study a person’s response to bad news or upsetting events. You never know how someone will respond. Does that answer your question?”

Jirra nodded. “Thanks. Just so you know, the idea did cross my mind in the first couple hours after the change. It was just a thought, but I never seriously considered doing anything. I feel ashamed that I even thought of doing something like that.”

“Don’t be. It’s a very common reaction to great shock and stress. Many patients diagnosed with a potentially fatal illness often think about it. Just like you, the thoughts pass as they accept what has happened.”

“I feel good about being able to tell you about it,” added Jirra.

Liz smiled back. “Another good sign. Just to float an idea past you, do you want to see a therapist?”

“Do they have one for involuntary gender changes?” Jirra smiled back. “No, not right now. I feel that I can talk to you or Lindsey. I can also write out my thoughts. As long as I don’t hold in my feelings, I’ll be okay.”

“I know you’ll be okay.”

“The lawyer will be able to change my paperwork, but what do we tell the family?”

“I wish I knew,” replied Liz. “We have the luxury of time regarding that issue. My family is mostly up in Washington, and Dad’s is back in New England. I think our closest relative is a cousin up in Denver. I think we’ll treat it on a case-by-case basis.”

“I guess you’re right. I think there are a few that would understand.”

“I could always put it out in the Christmas card letter,” joked Liz.

“Yes, that would be perfect!” replied Jirra as she started to laugh. “Better yet, include a before and after photo.”

Liz joined Jirra in laughing. Thankfully, the bistro was mostly empty, although they did get a few nasty stares from two women at a table across the room.

Chapter 25

“You sure you want to do this?” asked Liz.

Jirra nodded. “It makes sense. Does it hurt much?”

Liz shook her head. “Not really. Just make sure you keep the holes clean. Trust me, you don’t want an infection.”

“How long will it be until I can wear other earrings?” asked Jirra, as she filled out the application. She skipped the block for middle name, and then she wrote in R.

“R?” asked Liz.

Jirra smiled back. “R for Roo.”

“Very funny. Well, we can come up with a suitable middle name that starts with R.”

The ear piercing only took a few minutes. Just as Liz had said, it wasn’t that bad. Liz was pleased with the way Jirra was adapting. Her transformation had only occurred a few days earlier, and yet she was functioning well. There would be some down time, Liz thought. She dreaded how Jirra would react when she had her first period. It was a traumatic experience for a natural born girl; it would be very difficult for Jirra.

Chapter 26

The drive back to the spa was uneventful, and Jirra was pleased to see Lindsey as they pulled into their driveway. She helped them carry their bags inside, as Jirra told her about the trip.

“At least you know that physically you’re okay,” remarked Lindsey.

“I guess so. I was sort of hoping that these changes were only on the outside,” replied Jirra. She began to unpack her clothes on her bed.

Lindsey sat down on the edge of bed and helped fold the clothes. “This is nice,” she stated, as she examined a floral pattern skirt.

“Mom helped me pick it out. She said that there would be functions here that would require me to wear a skirt,” replied Jirra.

“I think it’s great that you’re going with the flow. I see you got your ears pierced too.”

Jirra’s right hand reached up and touched the gold stud in one of her ears. “I decided to follow your advice… again.”

Liz walked into Jirra’s room. “I was checking our messages. Judy would like to see you this afternoon. She wants to talk to you about the newsletter; apparently she’s very impressed with your writing skill.”

Jirra’s eyes opened wide. “Really? That’s great!”

“The meeting will be in her office at two, don’t be late!”

“I won’t. Thanks, Mom,” replied Jirra.

Chapter 27

Jirra and Lindsey walked around the spa’s grounds and talked about the trip and the newsletter.

“I think it’ll be a great opportunity for you. I’m also doing a work study program of sorts for my last year of school. I’ll be assisting Mom in the kitchen,” commented Lindsey.

“Is that what you want to do?”

Lindsey nodded vigorously. “I’ve applied to several cooking schools. I want to have my own restaurant someday.”

They began to walk out on one of the trails leading out of the spa. It was a warm summer morning, and a nice morning for a hike. They spotted a hawk slowly circling in the sky above them.

“That’s a lofty goal.”

“I know, but I’m willing to work for it,” replied Lindsey. “I know you want to be a writer, but what sort of writing?”

“I’d like to be a reporter, preferably for a newspaper. Of course, I’d love to write a novel or two,” answered Jirra.

They stopped by several large rocks and sat down.

“There’s something I need to tell you, Jirra. I know it shouldn’t matter, but since we’re friends and all, I just wanted you to know before…”

“Lindsey, what is it?” interrupted Jirra.

“I’m going on a date. I just wanted you to know. I know you like me, and I hope it won’t interfere with our friendship,” explained Lindsey.

“Oh.”

“His name is Dave, and his dad runs one of the tour companies that the spa does business with.”

“What kind of tours?”

“Bike and hiking tours,” replied Lindsey.

“He’d better treat you good!” replied Jirra with a grin.

“So, you don’t mind?”

Jirra shrugged her shoulders. “Considering the circumstances, it makes sense. I wish it was me, but I’ll be content to be your friend.”

Lindsey hugged Jirra. “Thanks. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“So, tell me about him,” stated Jirra.

Lindsey went on to describe Dave. He was nineteen and was starting at the University of New Mexico in the fall, where he was going to study business and physical therapy. She described him as tall and athletic, with wavy reddish-brown hair and hazel eyes. He competed in triathlons and had been all-state in track.

“Tell me he does drugs or robs ten-year-olds of their lunch money! He sounds too good to be true,” replied Jirra with a laugh.

Lindsey smiled back. “I’m glad you’re so understanding.”

“Seriously, he sounds like a great guy. So when is the date?”

“Not until this weekend. He’s taking me to the movies.”

Jirra nodded. “I hope you have a good time. I mean it.”

“I know you do. Thanks.”

Jirra glanced at her watch. “We’d better head back, it’s almost lunchtime. I also want to shower and change before I see Judy.”

Lindsey nodded. “You going to wear a skirt?”

“I guess it would be appropriate and professional.”

“You okay?” asked Lindsey.

“No, I’m a girl. Seriously, I’m happy for you.” Jirra forced a smile.

Lindsey smiled back. She wanted to say something, but couldn’t think of anything appropriate.

Chapter 28

Jirra waved goodbye to Lindsey and opened the door to her cottage. She just made it inside before she started to cry. She sat down on the edge of her bed and sobbed. It wasn’t fair, she thought. Why did this happen to me?

Liz walked into the cottage and heard the sound of Jirra crying. She walked towards Jirra’s room and saw her sobbing. She sat down next to her and put her hand on Jirra’s shoulder.

“What’s wrong?”

Jirra wiped her eyes with the palms of her hands. “It’s not fair, Mom! First Dad dies, and then I become a girl! Who did I piss off?”

“Sometimes things just happen, Roo,” replied Liz softly. “What kicked this off?”

Jirra sighed. “Lindsey is going out on a date with a local boy. I know it’s stupid for me to be upset like this; I mean, she’s a girl and I’m now a girl, but… but that doesn’t change the fact that I really like her.” Jirra began to wipe the latest round of tears away.

Liz pulled Jirra close and let her cry it out. Teenage love was hard enough without throwing in something like a gender transformation, Liz thought.

After a few minutes, Jirra began to regain her composure. “Sorry.”

Liz shook her head. “For what? You let out your emotions, no need to apologize for that. Honey, you’re going to have some rough times, don’t try to navigate them alone.”

Jirra nodded and reached for a box of tissues.

“Does Lindsey know how you feel about her?”

Jirra nodded as she blew her nose.

“You feel better?”

“A little,” replied Jirra.

“On the plus side, I suspect that you and Lindsey will remain close friends for life. That’s not the same thing as love, but in many ways it’s better. Look at Judy and me.”

Jirra nodded. “I guess I’d better shower and get ready to see Judy.”

“Have you eaten lunch yet?”

Jirra shook her head.

“I’ll fix you something as you shower and dress. What’re you going to wear?”

“I was thinking of the turquoise skirt and my white short sleeve blouse,” replied Jirra.

“Good choice. Well, you go shower and I’ll have lunch ready.”

Chapter 29

Jirra joined her mom for lunch a short time later.

“There’s something else bothering me. I’ve broken up with girls and been turned down on dates a few times, but I never cried about it,” commented Jirra, as she reached for the mustard for her sandwich. “Is this because of the hormones?”

“Maybe. Be careful with the mustard, you don’t want to stain that blouse,” replied Liz. “Your body is adjusting to its new hormone levels. You’ve also been through a huge emotional event. I wouldn’t read anything else into it right now.”

Jirra nodded. “I know that Dad wasn’t big on acting macho and stoic all the time, but growing up a guy you train yourself not to cry or to get real emotional, other than certain times. Guys call you a sissy if you cry.”

“That’s idiotic,” replied Liz. “I never would have married your father if he had acted like that. Your father wasn’t afraid to show his emotions, and no one would dare challenge his masculinity.”

Jirra smiled.

“You shouldn’t be ashamed to show your emotions, Jirra.”

“I’ll try to remember that. Still it’s easier to say than to do.”

“You’ve only been female for a very short time. I don’t expect you to change overnight,” replied Liz. “By the way, where did you get that blouse?”

“At that outdoors store downtown.”

“Very nice. It looks great on you.”

“Thanks.”

Liz ran her eyes over her daughter. “You look very professional. The only thing I would recommend is some makeup, but I don’t think that you’re ready for that, yet.”

“Makeup?”

“Yes. When you’re dressed up, makeup completes the image.”

“Why? You don’t wear any,” replied Jirra.

“Really? Look closer, Roo.”

Jirra stopped eating her sandwich and stared at her mom’s face.

“The trick to wearing makeup is to not look like you’re wearing makeup,” explained Liz. “You don’t have to lay it on thick with a paintbrush.”

Jirra didn’t reply.

“When you’re ready, I’ll show you how to do it,” continued Liz.

“Okay,” replied Jirra softly.

“What time are you due to see Judy?”

Jirra looked at her watch. “In forty-five minutes.”

“Good luck. I need to head back to the clinic. I’m updating the staff’s shot records Half of Gregory’s ground workers haven’t had a tetanus shot.”

“Well, you’ve always been a stickler for details like that,” replied Jirra with a wink.

Liz rolled her eyes. “Too bad you didn’t get a better sense of humor, Roo.”

Jirra smiled back. “Thanks again, Mom.”

Chapter 30

Jirra sat nervously across from Judy. She looked around the room and admired the prints that were on the walls.

Judy smiled. “They’re by Georgia O’Keeffe. Just copies, but I’ve always loved her work. All the rooms here have her work in them. Have you been to the museum in Santa Fe?”

Jirra shook her head.

“Oh, you have to go. My grandparents and parents knew her. Too bad they never bought any of her paintings!”

Jirra laughed.

“Okay, let’s get down to business. I’ve reviewed your work, and I’m confident that you’re the one to put together the spa’s newsletter.”

Jirra opened her notebook and stood by, pen in hand.

Judy noted this. “Good, you came ready to work. What I want is a weekly spa newsletter. I want it out every Monday, so that the guests will know the week’s events.”

Judy went on to describe what she wanted in the newsletter. In addition to the weekly schedule of events, there would be health and beauty hints. She also wanted to include a listing of current guests and their hometowns.

“What do you think?” asked Judy.

“As long as the format is set, it won’t be that hard to get out. I can do everything on a computer with the right software. Does the spa have a copier?”

Judy nodded. “If it goes down, there is a copier center in town. Do you have any suggestions?”

Jirra described some of her ideas. Judy liked the idea of staff profiles and recipes.

“We can also add seasonal plant and wildlife descriptions,” added Jirra.

“Good. Caldera de Gaia opens next week, but I don’t expect you to get the first newsletter out for a few weeks. What software do you suggest we get?”

Jirra told her the one that they’d used back at her high school. “I also need input from the staff.”

“Don’t worry about that. Tomorrow at breakfast I’ll make an announcement. We have a very talented staff, and they’ll be very willing to provide input. I don’t expect you do all the writing for this newsletter. Tara has already volunteered to write for it, and I’m not a bad writer myself. I imagine we’ll get a few more volunteers to assist you.”

“This sound like fun. I’m looking forward to doing this,” stated Jirra.

“Write out the name of the software, and I’ll order it today,” stated Judy. “I’ve already ordered the computer. I’ll show you to your office.”

Jirra’s eyes opened wide. “My office?”

“It isn’t much, but it will give you a place to work.”

They walked down the hall to a small office. There was barely enough room for a desk, but it would give Jirra a place to work. The copier was located across the hall.

“What do you think?” asked Judy.

“I’m eager to start,” replied Jirra.

“The computer should be here tomorrow,” stated Judy.

“Thank you for picking me,” stated Jirra.

“I want your best, Jirra.”

“You’ll get it, I promise.”

Chapter 31

The next few days were a blur to Jirra and almost everyone else at the spa, as the opening day approached.

Jirra was very busy setting up the new computer and starting up the newsletter. As long as she was busy, Jirra had no problem functioning. It was when she had free time and time to think that she got depressed.

Tara sat down with Jirra one afternoon, as she wanted to go over the newsletter articles that she had written for the premier issue.

“This looks really good. I’m amazed you got most of this done in just the last couple days,” remarked Tara as she reviewed the newsletter.

“The computer program really helps. Most of the first newsletter is the schedule of events and a listing of who’s who here. Hannah wrote out the recipe, and Judy provided the article on the history of the spa. It wasn’t that hard,” replied Jirra.

“Bull. You’ve done great in so little time. I’ll have my article to you by tomorrow.”

Jirra nodded. “The only thing left to do for this one is to list the names of the guests. Judy promised that to me two days before we open.”

“How’s everything else going?”

“Okay. I’m healthy and so far no period,” replied Jirra with a grin.

“Anything else you want to talk about?” asked Tara.

Jirra shrugged her shoulders.

Tara smiled back. “It’s a small spa, Jirra. It’s obvious that you really like Lindsey, and she’s been hanging out with the boy from the cycling tour company.”

“His name is Dave,” replied Jirra. “I haven’t met him yet, but I’ve heard he’s nice.”

“Jirra, I grew up dealing with crushes on other girls and being unable to do anything about it. I just want you to know this, just in case you want to talk about it.”

A sly smile grew across Jirra’s face. “Is it that obvious?”

“Only if you know what to look for. I take it you still like girls,” continued Tara.

“Yes. I still see myself as a guy, even though I’m slowly accepting my body,” replied Jirra.

“No feelings for guys at all?”

Jirra shook her head adamantly.

“That makes sense. Can I ask you something personal?”

“Sure.”

“Have you explored your body… in a sexual manner yet?”

“No. I still feel strange about touching myself down there.”

“What about your nipples?”

“No, not really.”

“Jirra, you’re going to be in that body for the rest of your life. Denying yourself pleasurable sensations is silly and wasteful. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the feelings you can achieve.”

“You mean play with myself?”

Tara laughed. “That’s one way of putting it. I suggest that you explore yourself. Right now, you’re not whole. You exist in your body because you want to function, that’s not enough.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Tara nodded.

“When did you know that you liked girls?”

“I always knew.”

“How old were you?”

Tara thought about her answer. “I knew I was different when I was four, but I didn’t know why. I figured out I was a lesbian when I hit puberty.”

“Did you ever go out with boys?”

“A few times, but I quickly realized that they weren’t for me. I’m convinced that we’re programmed with our sexual desires and we can’t change them. You obviously don’t like guys in a sexual way. Don’t try to force yourself into something you know deep down is wrong for you.”

Jirra nodded.

“Were you a virgin?” asked Tara.

Jirra shook her head. “I had sex once. It was mainly a blur. I was with a girl at a party and we were both kinda drunk…”

“I get the picture,” interrupted Tara with a wink. “You know that sex with a woman will be very different now.”

“I suppose it will be,” replied Jirra.

“Even between two women, relationships and sex, one person tends to be more dominant than the other.”

“Oh. I hadn’t thought about that,” replied Jirra.

“You may not be the dominant one, depending on who she is,” added Tara.

“Something else I hadn’t thought of.”

“It’s not a big deal, and it usually works itself out according to nature. Just be prepared, Jirra. Being with another girl may be very different from what you’ve previously experienced.”

Chapter 32

Her conversation with Tara left Jirra with a lot of things to think about. She wandered out of her office and walked the grounds of the spa.

There was a swarm of activity as the countdown for opening loomed. The number of staff had grown proportionally, and there were a number of new people that didn’t know that Jirra had once been a boy. In some ways, it was refreshing for Jirra to be accepted at face value.

She found Lindsey near the kitchen. Lindsey was wearing a white chef’s jacket and apron. Her hair was pulled back, and she was wearing a chef’s hat.

“Well, if it isn’t our editor!” exclaimed Lindsey with a grin.

“How’re you doing, Chef Dylan?” asked Jirra.

“It’s been great. I’m learning so much.”

“You’ll have to write an article for the newsletter,” replied Jirra.

“Deal.”

“So is tonight your date with Dave?” asked Jirra.

Lindsey nodded. “I still want you to meet him.”

“Honestly, I haven’t been deliberately avoiding you two.”

“I know. Look, I’m getting off shortly, why don’t you come with me, and I’ll introduce you two to each other,” offered Lindsey. “I like him… I like him a lot, Jirra, and I want you to meet him. After all, you’re my best friend.”

Jirra nodded. She could tell how much this meant to Lindsey. “Okay.”

“Cool!” exclaimed Lindsey, who gave Jirra a big hug.

Jirra thought about her mom’s words about having a lifelong friend as she hugged Lindsey back.

Chapter 33

Lindsey had changed into shorts, a sleeveless t-shirt and sandals. “There he is!” she whispered into Jirra’s ear.

Jirra looked over at the tall handsome young man repairing a mountain bike.

Dave looked up and smiled. He put down his tools and began to wipe his hands with a rag. He was wearing a Green Bay Packers t-shirt and khaki shorts.

“Dave, this is my best friend Jirra,” announced Lindsey.

He smiled back.

He had a very pleasant smile, thought Jirra.

“Pleased to meet you, Jirra. Lindsey has told me a lot about you,” greeted Dave.

Jirra smiled back. Did she tell you that I used to be a guy and that I’m deeply in love with her, she thought. “I’ve heard a lot about you too.”

As they talked Jirra reluctantly began to like Dave. With his looks, he could have easily been an arrogant jerk, but instead he was very agreeable.

“Do you ride, Jirra?”

“Not mountain bikes. I used to live in the Philadelphia suburbs.”

“It’s not that hard. Until last year, we lived in Madison, Wisconsin!” replied Dave with a wink.

Jirra giggled in spite of herself.

“Jirra, Dave said he’ll teach us to ride. You interested?”

Jirra nodded.

“I’ll teach you on the company bikes. If you like it, I’ll help you pick out a bike, cheap!”

Jirra and Lindsey laughed.

“Can you provide me with information on your tours? I’ll put it in the spa’s newsletter,” stated Jirra.

“That would be great. I heard that you worked on it,” stated Dave.

“Dave, she’s the editor!” stated Lindsey proudly.

“Wow! I guess I’d better treat you with more respect!” stated Dave.

“Please! I’m the editor, lead reporter, and printer,” replied Jirra with a smile.

“Don’t put it down, Jirra. Everyone has to start somewhere,” added Dave. “Who knows what this will lead to?”

Jirra nodded. Dammit, why does he have to be so nice?

“I’d better get back to work. I have three more bikes to assemble. Pick you up at six, Lindsey?” asked Dave.

She nodded.

“It was nice meeting you, Jirra.”

“Same here. Nice to finally meet you too.”

Lindsey and Jirra walked back to the main spa area.

“Well?” asked Lindsey anxiously.

“He’s nice,” replied Jirra. “I can see why you like him.”

“I know it’s just a first date and all, but still I feel something special for him.”

Any one of a number of sarcastic comments were floating around Jirra’s mind, but as she sensed that Lindsey really wanted her support she skipped them. “Lindsey, I think you two make a nice couple, and I hope it works out for you.”

“Thanks, Jirra. You have no idea how much that means to me,” replied Lindsey.

“I think I do,” replied Jirra softly.

Chapter 34

Jirra arrived home and began to prep dinner. She had been encouraged to cook by both parents. Travis had thought it was idiotic that men considered cooking beneath them. Jirra wondered how he would have reacted to her transformation. Deep down, she figured that he would be cool about it and probably tell her to press on.

There was a package of chicken legs in the fridge, so she decided to try her hand at one of her dad’s old specialties, Chicken Shoemaker. In a big, heavy skillet over fairly low heat, she slowly cooked a generous amount of chopped garlic and a half-cup of sliced pickled cherry peppers in olive oil. While the garlic and peppers were melding their flavors, she quickly cut the legs into drumsticks and thighs, then added them to the pan and covered it. She then put on a pot of water to boil for noodles and began tearing up greens for a salad.

Liz arrived home twenty minutes later and walked into the kitchen.

“Oh, that smells good,” she said. “I almost expected to see your father here when I came in the door and caught the odors.”

“I was thinking of Dad this afternoon, and when I saw the chicken legs it just seemed natural to do them his way,” replied Jirra. “Supper should be ready in about fifteen minutes.”

“That’s fine. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“How about making your citrus vinaigrette for the salad?” Jirra replied, while she turned and basted the chicken pieces.

“OK, that would go well with the chicken.”

“Thanks,” replied Jirra.

“I finally got your tests back from the lab. There’s good news,” announced Liz. “You’re completely healthy for a girl your age.”

“What’s the good news?” asked Jirra with a smirk.

“Funny. Seriously, Roo, we’re in uncharted territory here. It’s good to know that your hormone levels are normal.”

“I know. It’s just hard to accept, that’s all,” replied Jirra. “Any word on the mud samples?”

“No,” replied Liz as she opened a bottle of wine and poured herself a glass. “I’m going to call out to them this weekend.”

Jirra nodded. She then told Liz all about the newsletter, Lindsey, and Dave.

Liz then made the dressing. By that time, Jirra was just putting the noodles in the pot.

“I’m very proud about the way you’ve handled this,” complimented Liz.

“I can’t make her love me. She sees me as a girl. I mean, she barely knew me when I was Josh, barely a day.”

“I don’t have the words to make you feel better,” stated Liz.

“We’re good friends now. I suppose that will have to do. She knows how I feel, and it obviously doesn’t bother her. Did you ever have a lesbian friend?”

“Several.”

“Did any of them ever tell you that they liked you… in more than a friendship sort of way?”

“Once. It was just after Dad proposed to me. She was a fellow doctor and, even though the army has an anti-gay policy, we all knew she was a lesbian. We had a drink after work, and she told me that she really liked me, in so many words.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing. I told her that I wasn’t attracted to women. The matter never came up again.”

“How did it affect your friendship?”

“It didn’t. She was in my wedding party.”

“Really? Have I ever met her?”

Liz shook her head. “She left the army a few years later and now works for Doctors Without Borders. The last letter I got from her, she was in Kenya fighting AIDS.”

“Did Dad know?”

Liz laughed. “Yes, he wasn’t bothered by it.”

“I was just thinking about Dad. I’m positive that he would have accepted my change.”

“I agree.”

Jirra sighed. “I still think about him a lot. I dreamt about him the other night. It was a good dream.”

Liz smiled “I dream about him all the time, Roo.”

As soon as the noodles were done, she arranged the chicken pieces around the edge of a platter, and then tossed the noodles in the oil and drippings in the chicken pan. Heaping the noodles in the center of the platter, she placed it on the table.

Jirra contemplated her next words for a few seconds. “Do you think that you’ll remarry?”

“Where did this come from?”

“I was just thinking. I just don’t want you to be alone,” replied Jirra.

“I haven’t really thought about it.”

“I just want you to know that I wouldn’t mind, as long as you were happy.”

“That’s nice to know, and it means a lot to me,” replied Liz.

“This whole adapting to a new life is forcing me to look at things differently, and not everything is related to my new gender.”

“Does that also mean acceptance?”

“I wish I could say yes, but I still feel like a guy,” replied Jirra. “I figured you’d want the truth.”

“I understand, but I hope you find a common ground,” replied Liz.

“Tara’s been telling me the same thing — that I need to find balance in my life.”

Chapter 35

Jirra was working on finalizing the newsletter when Judy showed up.

“Okay, here is the list of our first week’s guests,” she stated, as she handed Jirra a disc.

“Cool. I should have this ready for your review in a few minutes,” replied Jirra.

“Are you sure you want me to be the last one to look it over, I’m not exactly qualified,” stated Judy.

“Well, you’re my boss, and it never hurts to have another set of eyes to look it over. If someone finds mistakes, we’ll give a refund for the newsletter!”

“Funny.”

“Sorry, that’s an old joke we used when a mistake slipped through on the school paper.”

“Oh, I’ve also got a list of future guests. Take a look at it,” offered Judy, as she handed Jirra a list. She had a big grin on her face.

Jirra scanned the list and at first she didn’t see it. When she re-read the list she saw the name. “Is this who I think it is?”

Judy nodded vigorously. “This could be a huge break for Caldera de Gaia. Her agent called this morning and requested a two-week stay. She just finished a new movie, and she’s coming here to relax.”

“Does this mean that we’re going to keep this a secret?” asked Jirra.

“Her agent requested we keep this low key,” replied Judy.

Jirra nodded. Alexis Eden was on the verge of stardom. She’d had a supporting role in a TV crime drama and had recently begun to make movies. Alexis had had the good fortune to appear in two blockbuster movies and had garnered excellent reviews. Rumor had it that she would get a starring role in Richard Thorn’s new movie.

Jirra immediately went onto the Internet and called up Alexis’ biography on a movie website. Alexis Eden was born Alexis Finster in Toledo, Ohio. She was in her high school drama club, but went to UC Pepperdine to study science. It was there that she auditioned for a commercial on a whim, and the rest, as they say, is history. Virtually overnight she went from college student to TV star.

Jirra looked at Alexis’ photo. She wasn’t the typical Hollywood beauty. She had a natural attractiveness that made her look accessible and friendly. Her eyes were a deep blue and Jirra felt they were her best feature. In the photo Alexis’ hair was streaked blonde, but on her TV show her hair was uniformly blonde.

On her show Alexis had to be athletic, and it was obvious from the photos that she was in excellent shape.

Jirra was surprised to see that Alexis was only twenty-three and was still working on her degree.

“She’s very pretty,” remarked Judy.

“She’ll be a star soon,” added Jirra.

“I want you to be our liaison with her agent,” stated Judy.

Jirra turned around and looked at Judy. “Are you crazy?”

Judy laughed. “Seriously, I want you to call this woman, what’s her name? Oh yes, here it is, Emily Waterman, and tell her that’ll you’ll be our point of contact at the spa.”

“Why me?” asked Jirra. “That didn’t come out right. What I meant is, isn’t there someone else more qualified?”

“First, you’re in a small group of people that I can trust to do this right. Second, you have the lightest schedule. Third, it’ll be good experience for you as a future reporter,” explained Judy. “I’ve also confirmed that you’ll get to interview her for the newsletter.”

Jirra thought about it for a minute. “I won’t let you down.”

“I know you won’t. I’ll talk to the staff about this before she arrives; until then, keep this to yourself.”

Jirra nodded. “I’ll get the newsletter to you in an hour.”

Chapter 36

Jirra dropped the newsletter off with Judy and headed over to see Lindsey. Part of her was hoping that they’d had a terrible time, but the other half wanted her friend to be happy.

Jirra walked into the main room and found Lindsey and Hannah reviewing the upcoming menu. Lindsey waved.

“I’ll be done in a few minutes,” she announced.

Jirra nodded. She looked at the art on the walls. Most were Georgia O’Keeffe prints, but a few were from local artists and were on sale. There was one artist who had painted several watercolors of the nearby hills. Jirra recognized one particular hill. It was located on one of the hiking paths. Maybe I could interview the artist for the newsletter, she thought.

“I’m done. Hey, that looks like the view from the trail,” commented Lindsey.

“How was the date?” asked Jirra.

Lindsey sighed and a very content look came over her face. Jirra instantly knew that it was a success.

“We had a great time. Dave’s so cool. We’re going out again tonight.”

Jirra forced a smile. “I’m happy for you.”

“He likes you. He asked me if you’d be interested in going on a double date some time. He says he has a few friends that he thinks you’d like.”

A horrified look came over Jirra’s face. “What did you tell him?”

Lindsey smiled. “I told him I’d talk to you about it. Don’t worry, I’d never set you up on something like that.”

“Thanks,” replied Jirra. “I suppose when you know him better, you can always tell him I’m a lesbian.”

“True, maybe he knows a girl you’d want to date.”

“He already does,” replied Jirra with a wink.

Chapter 37

That evening Jirra researched Alexis. One thing that stood out right away was what a genuinely friendly and down-to-earth person she was. One article joked that she was too nice to be in Hollywood. That was good; thought Jirra, the last thing she wanted was to be around a prima donna.

It had been a very busy day and Jirra was exhausted. The newsletter had been approved by Judy and had been printed out. A copy was in every room and in the spa mailboxes for all the staff. Jirra was relieved that the first one was done. She was also anxious to see the reaction of the staff.

That evening Jirra called Emily and introduced herself. To her total surprise, Emily already knew about her and was pleased that Judy had selected her to be Alexis’ liaison.

“Jirra, Alexis just wants to relax. Having someone to hangout with will make it easier for her to blend in. She’s not at the point of being mobbed, but people do recognize her. Being with a local will make people think she just looks like someone famous,” stated Emily. “You’ll like her. I’ve been an agent for thirty years, and Alexis is one of the nicest people I’ve known.”

“I’m looking forward to meeting her,” replied Jirra.

“Now, Alexis loves nature, so don’t be surprised if she wants to go on long hikes,” continued Emily.

“We have several trails leading right out of the spa. I saw a coyote just this morning on one,” replied Jirra.

“Excellent, Alexis will love that. I’m pleased that you love the outdoors too.”

They talked for nearly an hour. By the time they were finished, Jirra felt more confident in her duties.

Jirra got up from her desk and walked to the bathroom, she felt a little “off” and was hoping she wasn’t coming down with something. She had been working hard on the newsletter the past few days and had been sort of stressed about it.

She decided to take a long hot bath to relax. It was something that Mom did when she needed to relax. It was when she underdressed that she noticed the blood stain in her panties.

“Shit!” she exclaimed; she knew that this meant that she was starting her period. That also meant that the physical transformation was complete. She pulled her panties back up, put on her robe, and went to see Mom.

Liz had been expecting this any day and had a supply of feminine products standing by for Jirra.

“Now, I know this is pretty traumatic for you, but you’ll get used to it,” explained Liz sympathetically to Jirra, as she handed her a box of tampons.

Jirra stared at the box. “I know what they are, but.... what I mean is…”

“The instructions are right on the box. If you have any questions, I’ll be right out here.”

Jirra nodded and walked slowly into her mother’s bathroom.

Just as Mom had said, the instructions were on the box. Jirra gently inserted the tampon and stared down at the string that was protruding from her vagina. She shook her head slowly in disbelief. She then realized that she hadn’t brought a fresh pair of panties and asked her mom for assistance.

A few minutes later, they were sitting together on Jirra’s bed.

“How do you feel?” asked Liz, her arm around Jirra’s waist.

Jirra rested her head on her mom’s shoulder. “Physically okay, mentally, I’m a mess. I was hoping that this wouldn’t happen.”

“I know this won’t cheer you up or anything, but I’m pleased that it’s happening, if only because it shows that you’re healthy.”

“Wouldn’t it be better if I wasn’t functional?”

Liz shook her head. “It’s never good when your body isn’t fully functional.”

“I guess that makes sense. Still, it doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“Do you have any questions?”

“About this? No, I’ve been reading up on it on the net,” replied Jirra. “I just hope that I don’t get cramps.”

“Do you want to vent a little, Roo?” asked Liz with a grin.

Jirra started to smile, but soon she was crying and holding on to her mom.

Liz just held her child and stroked the back of Jirra’s head. She remembered how she’d felt during her first cycle; at least she had been expecting it.

After a long cry, Jirra sat up. “Thanks,” she stated as she reached for the tissues.

“You want a mug of hot chocolate?”

“Will that help?”

“It won’t hurt, Roo,” replied Liz with a wink.

Over the chocolate, Liz talked to Jirra about what to expect and what she had to do.

“So I can expect this on a regular basis from now on,” remarked Jirra, as she sipped her chocolate.

“Around every twenty-eight days, although it can vary,” replied Liz.

“Yippee.”

“You’ll get used to it. Just let me know if you need anything.”

“I will. I’ll bet you never thought we’d be having this conversation,” replied Jirra.

“Oh, I got a phone call from my friend who I sent the mud to. He stated that the mud was high in certain minerals, but nothing out of the ordinary for this area. He did note that the sample from after the lightning strike had slightly different readings. We’ll get a full report in the mail.”

“So will they go back to using it?”

“I don’t see any reason not to. The kettles are fully insulated now, thanks to Gregory and his staff.”

“I guess it’ll be okay.”

“I’ll tell Judy the next time I see her.”

Jirra took one last sip of her chocolate. She then fought back a big yawn. “Thanks again, Mom. I think I’ll go to bed.”

“Good night, Roo,” stated Liz, and she gave Jirra a kiss.

“You going to bed?”

“Not yet. I have some things to do before I go to bed. See you in the morning.”

Liz called Judy on the phone and told her what had happened.

“How’re you handling it?” asked Judy.

“Me? Jirra’s the one I’m worried about,” replied Liz.

“Exactly. I have a nice bottle of port, why don’t I come over and you can help me sample it.”

Liz laughed. “Okay, that sounds good.”

Judy arrived a few minutes later and joined her friend out on the patio.

“Sorry, I don’t have the right glasses,” apologized Liz.

Judy poured out the port in the two juice glasses. “I remember when we would just pass the bottle back and forth.”

Liz broke out in a laugh.

“Look, I know you have to be all stoic for Jirra, but you can’t hold it all in. You’ve been through a lot these past few months,” stated Judy. She raised her glass. “Skol!”

“Cheers!” replied Liz and tapped her glass to Judy’s. “It hasn’t been easy.”

“You and Jirra are definitely blazing a new trail.”

“She’s doing pretty fine. Even though she doesn’t like what happened and doesn’t quite accept that she’s a girl, she’s determined to function. By the way, thank you so much for assigning her to the newsletter.”

“Don’t thank me, she’s been great. I don’t know if you looked it over, but the newsletter is ten times better than what I was hoping for. I’m very impressed with what she put together for me.”

“That’s good to hear,” replied Liz. She took another sip and drained her glass.

Without asking Judy refilled it. “Have you heard back from my lawyer?”

“Just a phone call that everything was progressing nicely. I had to provide him with Jirra’s new middle name,” replied Liz. She took another sip of the port. “This is much better than the Boone’s Farm we used to drink.”

Judy made a yuck face. “What name did you pick out?”

“I went with Jirra’s suggestion and picked out a name starting with R. I’ve nicknamed her Roo. I also named her after Travis’s mother. It’s Roslyn.”

“What a lovely name. Did you tell Jirra yet?”

“No, I’m saving that for later. She told me she wanted me to surprise her.”

Judy smiled and took another sip of her port. “This really is pretty good. You want some more?”

Liz shook her head. “I have a lot to do tomorrow. Have to be ready for Monday.”

“I can’t believe that it’s almost here. We have almost eighty percent booking for the first month. I’d been hoping for fifty!”

Liz then told Judy about the mud. “I guess you can go back to using it. It looks like Jirra’s transformation was one-in-a-million.”

“I’ll let Cari know tomorrow. Is Jirra okay with us using the mud again?”

Liz nodded. “Yes.”

“I have something else to tell you,” stated Judy. She then told Liz about Alexis Eden’s visit.

“Well, Jirra is really a good employee, as she didn’t say a word to me about this.”

“I have a question for you, Liz.”

Liz was drinking the last of her port, but motioned for Judy to continue.

“How’re you fixed for Jirra’s college tuition?”

“Travis and I put some away. She should qualify for a scholarship or two. It also depends on where she goes to college, why?”

“I want to help. I can’t pay Jirra for what she’s doing, but I’d like to contribute to her education.”

“That’s very generous, Judy, but…”

Judy cut her off. “I don’t have any kids, and you’re the closest thing I’ve had to a sister. I consider you and Jirra family.”

“Come to think of it, I think I will have some more, if only to toast my sister,” replied Liz.

Judy complied and filled both their glasses. They tapped glasses and toasted their friendship.

“Just remember that you don’t have to carry the burden of the world on your back, Liz.”

“I will.”

“Well, I’d better get going. See you at breakfast tomorrow.”

Liz stood up and hugged Judy. “See ya then.”

Liz stopped by Jirra’s room and checked on her. She then remembered the gift that she had ordered online. She retrieved it from her room and placed it in Jirra’s arms.

“Good night, Roo,” she whispered and leaned down and kissed her on the head.

Chapter 38

The next morning, Jirra walked into the kitchen. She was wearing a pair of dark green shorts and a Philadelphia Eagles T-shirt.

“Good morning, Roo. How’re you feeling?” asked Liz.

Jirra waved her hand back and forth. “So-so.”

“Cramps?” asked Liz.

Jirra nodded. “Not too bad, but enough to be felt.”

Liz handed Jirra a bottle. “Take two.”

“Thanks, Mom,” replied Jirra. “By the way, I assume you’re responsible for my bedmate.” She held up a small stuffed kangaroo.

Liz shrugged her shoulders.

“It was very thoughtful.”

“I figured you’d be a little down once your period started,” stated Liz. “Well, we’d better get going; Judy will be expecting us.”

Chapter 39

“I’m pleased to see everyone here this morning. Starting tomorrow, we may not get the chance to get everyone together. I’m pleased to say that we’re now officially sold out for the second week and for our first day we’ll be at seventy percent occupancy.”

There was a loud cheer and lots of clapping.

“I have the fullest confidence in all of you,” she added.

There was more clapping.

“Since we’ve added a few more employees to our family in the past few days, I’d like everyone to stand up and introduce themselves, that includes the families of our site staff,” continued Judy.

Lindsey was sitting next to Jirra.

“I saw the newsletter, it looks great,” Lindsey complimented her.

Jirra nodded.

“You okay?” asked Lindsey. “I noticed you didn’t eat much.”

“It started last night,” whispered Jirra.

“It? Oh my god, you mean your period?” replied Lindsey. She then looked around to see if anyone had overheard her. Thankfully, they were listening to Judy and the staff introducing themselves. “Sorry. You okay?”

Jirra rolled her eyes.

Lindsey nodded. “We’ll talk afterwards; they’re almost to our table.”

Right after Jirra stood up and introduced herself, Judy interrupted. “I hope you all had a chance to read the spa newsletter. Jirra here is its editor.”

There was a round of applause. Jirra smiled and sat down as she felt her face getting warm.

“You’re blushing,” whispered Lindsey. “How cute!”

Jirra fought the urge to playfully give Lindsey the finger and just smiled back.

After the meeting Lindsey pulled Jirra aside. “Seriously, how’re you holding up?”

“I’m torn between disbelief, denial, and disgust. It’s pretty gross. Knowing what is happening doesn’t help either,” replied Jirra.

“It is pretty gross. But when you consider the fact that your body could produce a new life, it’s sort of wonderful.”

“Not my body. I may be female now, I may be fertile, but I’m not having any guy impregnate me!”

“Don’t be so absolute, Jirra, you may change your mind over time,” remarked Lindsey.

“Yes, and pigs could fly,” replied Jirra with a grin.

Lindsey laughed. “Well, if you have any questions that you want to ask about it, but don’t want to ask your mom, I’m always available,” replied Lindsey.

“Thanks.”

“Changing the subject, the newsletter was awesome. You did a great job.”

“Thank you. I put a lot of effort into it. I’d like one of your mom’s recipes in the next one. In fact, I’d like to make it a weekly feature with different staff members contributing their favorite recipes.”

“That sounds great.”

“So how was your latest date?”

Lindsey just smiled.

“That good, huh?”

“Oh yes. He did ask me again if you wanted to double date. I think he has a friend who’s interested in you,” stated Lindsey.

“Who?” asked Jirra with a shocked look on her face.

“I think it’s Randy. He’s the guy who was helping Dave unload the bikes the other day.”

Jirra searched her memory. “Sorry, can’t place him.”

“Does that mean you’re interested?” asked Lindsey with a grin.

“No. I just want to know who he is.”

“You positive about this? I mean you might like boys,” remarked Lindsey. “Randy’s pretty cute. He looks like a shorter version of Dave, only with blond hair.”

“Are you positive about not liking girls?” replied Jirra.

“That’s totally different.”

“How?” asked Jirra, as they walked back towards their cottages.

“I’ve been a girl my whole life, and I know what I like and dislike. You, on the other hand, have only been female for less than a month. You’re still adjusting to it.”

“I may be adjusting to the physical side of being female, but I’m not attracted to guys. I never have been. I’m not denying the truth or anything; it’s just that the idea of being with a guy does nothing for me. I don’t even want to fake it.”

“I’m sorry, Jirra. You’re right. I won’t bring it up again,” replied Lindsey.

“It’s okay. I have enough drama in my life right now.”

“Well, Dave still wants to get to know you better. He suggested that we go out to what he says is the best pizza place in town together sometime.”

“Best pizza place in town, huh?” replied Jirra with a grin.

“Okay, it’s the only pizza place in town, but he says it’s not bad,” replied Lindsey.

“When?” asked Jirra.

“This evening?”

“It’ll just be the three of us, right?”

Lindsey held up her hand as if she was making a pledge. “I promise. Look, you’ve made it clear on your dating views. I won’t press you on it.”

“Thanks, Lindsey.”

“Well, I’d better go change. We have a lot to do before tomorrow!”

“What time tonight?” asked Jirra.

“Six. Dave is meeting us here,” replied Lindsey.

“Okay, see you then.”

Chapter 40

Jirra changed and walked over to her office. She was wearing the same dark green shorts, but had ditched the t-shirt for a yellow cotton top. When she arrived at her office, she found a nametag lying on her desk.

As she examined it, Judy walked in.

“By being the editor of the newsletter, I figured you deserve staff status. That way you still have full access to the spa, and none of the guests get their noses out of joint,” explained Judy.

Jirra smiled back. “Thanks, Judy.”

“I’m getting great feedback on the newsletter. I want you to set up an e-mail account just for the newsletter; that way the staff can contact you directly.”

Jirra nodded and told Judy her plan to have a different staff member’s recipe each week.

“Great idea. You know, we could turn that into a cookbook. We could add some health hints and photos and sell it in the gift shop,” remarked Judy.

“What gift shop?”

“We’ll be adding one in the spring. We’ll sell health and beauty items, local art, clothing, and other things.”

“Cool,” remarked Jirra.

“Here, let me help you,” stated Judy and she pinned the nametag on Jirra’s chest. “I got another call from Emily this morning. She’s very impressed with you.”

Jirra smiled broadly.

“Alexis will arrive a week from tomorrow and will definitely stay two weeks.”

“That’s cool. Will Emily be coming along?”

“No. She said that Alexis wants some time alone. Emily will be staying in Hollywood.”

“This is pretty exciting.”

Judy smiled. “I know. It’s hard not to get a little star struck.”

Jirra worked on the newsletter for a couple of hours. She was pleased to see Tara walk in.

“Just wanted to drop by and see what you’d like for the next edition,” stated Tara.

“Whatever you want to write about is cool with me,” replied Jirra.

“You’ll have to improve your micromanagement skills if you want to be a real editor, Jirra. You’re not controlling enough.”

Jirra laughed. “I’ll try to remember that. Can I ask you something?”

Tara nodded.

“How old were you when you came out?”

“Twenty-one, why?”

Jirra then told Tara about Dave and Lindsey. “I’m not looking to stand out, but I can’t keep turning down dates.”

“Why not? Look, it’s your life.”

“Yes, but what will they say?”

“Do you care?”

Jirra thought about it. “No, not really. It’s just that the less spotlight on me the better.”

“Jirra, I can’t tell you what’s best for you. It’s up to you. I know that you’re going to have some interesting decisions to make. Now, you’re not enrolling in the local high school, right?”

Jirra nodded.

“So what would happen if you did tell them that you’re a lesbian? It’s not as if you’ll be dealing with them on a daily basis.”

Jirra stared back.

“The staff accepts you. Judy will not tolerate any harassment by anyone working here, and that includes contracted workers. She already fired one guy for making a racist slur against Gregory.”

“Gregory? Why? He’s so nice.”

Tara nodded. “Judy overhead a local contractor call him a wetback. She cancelled his contract that afternoon.”

“Good.”

“The same zero tolerance would apply to any harassment you might get. In case you’ve forgotten, Judy carries a lot of clout with the local business community.”

“Thanks, Tara. You have no idea how much this conversation helps.”

Chapter 41

Jirra was sitting across from Lindsey. They were both in Lindsey’s bedroom, and Lindsey was in the middle of filing Jirra’s nails.

“Your nails were awful, what do you use on them, nail clippers?” asked Lindsey as she filed one of Jirra’s nails.

“What else would I use?” asked Jirra.

“Ugh! You really are a guy deep down, aren’t you!” exclaimed Lindsey.

“That’s what I’ve been telling you all along,” replied Jirra.

“I’m giving you a nail file, and I expect you to use it,” stated Lindsey. “Seriously, if you want to pass, you need to keep your nails in better shape. Also you need to start using polish.”

“No way,” replied Jirra.

“This is clear-coat, it’ll protect your nails, without any color,” stated Lindsey. “OK?”

Jirra nodded.

“Good. Trust me, Jirra, this will look so much better.”

A few minutes later Lindsey was finished. “You’ll need to let them dry. Big improvement. Now if you’d only let me help you with some makeup.”

“Not tonight. I appreciate your help. I know you only want what’s best for me. You have no idea how hard this is for me,” replied Jirra.

Lindsey nodded. “Well, I must admit that you dressed appropriately.”

Jirra was wearing a pair of jeans and a green cotton top. She was also wearing sandals.

“I was a little nervous wearing anything light colored, but Mom said that the odds of me… leaking is slim. Still, I didn’t want to take any chances.”

“I have that fear all the time!”

Jirra nodded. “Changing the subject, shouldn’t Dave be here soon?”

Lindsey nodded. They walked into the living room and saw his Jeep pull into their driveway. “Speak of the devil, here he is.”

Thirty minutes later they were sitting in the town’s only pizza place.

They made small talk as they waited for their order to arrive. Jirra had to admit that Dave was pretty nice, and he and Lindsey made a nice couple.

The only thing that bugged her about him was that twice he’d asked her if she needed a date. Thankfully, Lindsey asked him to stop it. Dave looked slightly confused but didn’t press the point anymore.

The pizza wasn’t too bad, although it wasn’t up to the standards that Jirra had eaten in Philly; at least the crust wasn’t thick.

Dave was suddenly distracted by something on the TV.

“Crap,” he mumbled through a slice of pepperoni that he was eating.

“What’s wrong?” asked Lindsey.

“You wouldn’t understand,” he replied. “My team just suffered a big loss, and it’s only training camp.”

Jirra glanced over at the set and saw that it was on ESPN. A reporter was commenting on the injury of one of the Green Bay Packers in a pre-season scrimmage.

“That’s too bad. The Packers were weak in their running game even before losing him,” stated Jirra.

A smile came across Dave’s face. “What do you know about football?”

“I know that my Eagles can whip your Packers,” replied Jirra.

“You know football?” asked a shocked Dave.

Jirra shrugged her shoulders. “Sure. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Okay, tell me the starting lineup for ‘your Eagles’!” stated Dave with a grin.

Jirra put down the slice of pizza. “I’ll start with the offense.”

Dave sat back in amazement as Jirra recited the starting offense and defensive lineups for the Philadelphia Eagles.

“Wow,” replied Dave. “I’ve never known a girl who could do that.”

“I’ve always liked football,” replied Jirra. “My dad even took me to a few games.” She then thought about Dad and a wave of sadness swept over her.

“You okay?” asked Lindsey.

Jirra nodded. “Sorry. I still can’t believe that he’s not coming back.”

“What do you mean?” asked Dave.

“My dad was in the army and was killed in action,” replied Jirra softly.

“Oh, wow! I’m so sorry,” replied Dave.

Jirra nodded. It was obvious that Dave’s concern was real. “Thanks. I’m okay now.”

The rest of the evening passed without incident. They drove back to the spa and Jirra excused herself. “See you tomorrow.” She figured that Dave and Lindsey should be alone.

She walked back to her house and found Mom watching TV.

“What’s on?”

“Just the news. I was hoping to catch the weather report before going to bed. So how was it?”

Jirra sat down and told her all about it.

“Dave’s a nice guy. It would be so much easier if he was a jerk. I’m reluctantly happy for Lindsey.”

Liz smiled. “How do you feel physically?”

“Better. The pills worked.”

“The first couple of times are always the worst. You’ll get used to it.”

“Really?” asked Jirra.

“No. I just wanted you to feel better,” replied Liz with a grin.

Jirra picked up a throw pillow and tossed it at her.

Chapter 42

Opening day for Caldera de Gaia spa went pretty smoothly. There were some minor glitches with a few reservations, but they were quickly resolved by Judy.

Jirra was sort of surprised that many of the guests were single women. She had thought they would have more couples.

She had bought two maps, mounted them on corkboards, and hung them on the walls of her office. Next she began to press colored pins into the maps, designating the hometowns of the guests. As she did this, she wondered how long it would take until she had a pin in every state.

When she finished, she stepped back and saw there where pins in eight states. The furthest one from New Mexico was New Jersey. The only pin she put on the world map was in Canada. Still, it was a start, she thought.

“What’s this?” asked Judy as she stepped into Jirra’s office.

Jirra explained the purposes of the maps.

“What a wonderful idea. I think we’ll put up one in the main lodge. You sure come up with some great ideas, Jirra.”

Jirra began to feel her face getting warm. “Thanks.”

“I need to talk to you in private. Let’s go to my office.”

Jirra nodded and followed Judy into her office. She sat down across from Judy.

“Here is the list for next week’s guests. Alexis is listed by her real last name,” stated Judy.

“Is she still arriving on Sunday?” asked Jirra, as she read the list.

“As far as I know, nothing has changed,” replied Judy. “I’ll address the staff on Saturday. I’ll remind everyone that their contract states that they’re required to respect and maintain the privacy of our guests.”

“I’ll have the latest newsletter to you by Friday,” stated Jirra.

“Good. Let’s make that your weekly deadline.”

Jirra nodded.

“I just want you to know that I want to expand your duties soon,” stated Judy.

Jirra’s eyebrows rose.

“Don’t worry; it won’t happen until after Alexis leaves. What I’m thinking of is having you assist me in liaison with the local businesses in promoting the spa. The spa will live or die based on the PR we get. It’ll require you to go with me to various meetings, both locally and in Santa Fe. You’ll be my PR assistant.”

“Really?” replied Jirra. She was torn between being excited and horrified.

“The reason that I’m telling you this now is that it’ll require you to dress for business. That will mean a suit and makeup. I understand you’re slowly accepting what has happened to you and that you still see yourself as male inside. However, you have potential. I don’t want to see you waste that. While it may not be fair, people do judge you on appearance. To be taken seriously, you need to learn to dress appropriately for the circumstances.”

Jirra nodded. What Judy was saying made sense.

“The reason I want to include you in these meetings is to give you experience. I don’t expect you to have all the answers, or even any of the answers. I do expect you to keep an open mind and listen and learn. Be a sponge.”

Jirra nodded again.

“Now, let me make one thing very clear; as with the newsletter, this isn’t a pity position. I see potential in you, Jirra. It would be perfectly understandable for you to want to feel sorry for yourself and hide here. Understandable, yes, but I’m not going to let you do it. You need to learn to socialize as a woman and as an adult.”

Judy got up and walked around her desk and sat on the edge of it in front of Jirra.

“I’m a successful businesswoman, and I had to fight all along the way. I had to overcome many things; I won’t bore you with the details. You have some major issues to overcome; however, you also have many assets, many of which you don’t see yourself. You can’t waste energy bemoaning what happened in the past. You’re a woman now, and even though you may never totally accept this, you can’t let it hold you back.”

Jirra absorbed Judy’s words.

“I want you to start practicing wearing makeup when you come to work on the weekdays. You can still wear shorts and a blouse, so long as you look neat. The nametag isn’t optional either. I want the guests to see you as staff.”

“Okay,” replied Jirra softly.

“Good. Now, while the newsletter position will remain an unpaid position, I will pay you as my assistant. We’ll discuss the actual details later.”

“Thank you, Judy,” replied Jirra.

“You’re welcome, dear. One more thing, I’m setting up a scholarship fund for you. I’ve talked to Liz, and I want to ensure that money isn’t going to be a hindrance or… an excuse for your not attending college.”

Jirra smiled slightly. She tried to seek out the right words.

“You don’t have to say anything, Jirra,” stated Judy, as if she could read Jirra’s mind, “other than to tell me that you accept becoming my PR assistant.”

“I’ll do it, and I’ll do my best,” replied Jirra.

“That’s all I can ask for,” replied Judy. She glanced at her watch. “I have to go schmooze the guests down by the baths. We’ll talk more later.”

Jirra nodded and returned to her office. She tried to work, but what Judy had just told her was too distracting. She decided to take a walk around the spa.

It was amazing to see it come to life, she thought, as she walked around the grounds of the spa. She overheard two women talking about the mud baths and how they couldn’t wait to take one. Jirra involuntarily shivered. She hadn’t gone back to the baths since her accident, even though up to the mishap she was enjoying the mud bath. It then hit her that she hadn’t even tried the mineral baths.

As an employee, she could use the facilities anytime except during peak hours, which were noon to eight PM. The biggest thing holding her back from the baths was the fact that she hadn’t yet gone out in public in her bathing suit. She knew that she had to do this before Alexis arrived, as she was sure that Alexis would want to use the baths. Great, she thought, this walk was supposed to help me think, not add additional issues.

Jirra swung by the main kitchen and was pleased to see that Lindsey was on a break.

“Sorry, I missed you at breakfast this morning, but I was cooking it!” exclaimed Lindsey.

“I thought it tasted funny,” replied Jirra.

Lindsey smiled back. “Dave really likes you. Your football knowledge impressed him a lot. Just one thing, you were starting to act like a guy.”

Jirra cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

“You started talking louder and more excited. It’s okay for a girl to like football, I guess, but try to be more sedate.”

“Even when the Eagles score a touchdown?”

“I’m sorry, I just don’t get it. What’s so enjoyable about watching a bunch of muscle-bound apes hit each other?”

“When the season starts, I’ll show you,” replied Jirra. “You keep telling me to adapt, so you need to too.”

“Huh?”

“Dave is obviously passionate about his Green Bay Packers. I imagine he’d love to have you share that interest. I can teach you about the game, and that way you can watch with Dave.”

“The student is teaching the teacher,” replied Lindsey.

“I may not like guys, but I know what they like,” replied Jirra. “Think of me as a spy.”

“Okay. So when does the season start?”

Jirra rolled her eyes in mock disgust and laughed. “Changing the subject, you going to the baths tonight? If so, can I join you?”

Lindsey nodded. “After a day in the kitchen, I need it. Why? I’ve asked you before, but you’ve always turned me down.”

“I figure why waste living at a spa. I have another reason, but I can’t tell you yet,” confessed Jirra.

“Okay, we’ll head over at nine. I’m warning you, you might be upset with yourself after going,” stated Lindsey.

“Why?”

“Because you’ll realize that you should have gone sooner!”

Jirra nodded. “I’ll see you at nine.” She then walked over to her mom’s office.

Chapter 43

“Well, this is a pleasant surprise,” remarked Liz as she looked up from her computer.

“You busy?” asked Jirra, as she sat down on a stool.

“No, just reviewing staff medical records. I want to know of any potential problems.”

Jirra nodded. She then told Liz about her conversation with Judy.

“It sounds like a wonderful opportunity,” observed Liz.

“I know. I would be an idiot to pass it up. I guess it’s time to upgrade my wardrobe. Can you help me?”

Liz smiled. “Of course. We can drive down to Santa Fe tomorrow. I have to go in anyway to pick up some things for the clinic.”

Jirra nodded. She hadn’t expected the shopping trip to be so soon. “One more thing, I also need to learn about makeup.”

“I can teach you, Roo,” replied Liz.

Jirra sighed. “I know it shouldn’t be a big deal, but it is.”

Liz reached over and took Jirra’s hands into hers. “You’re doing great. I’m really proud of the way you’ve handled this.”

“Even when I start crying?” asked Jirra, as she sniffed.

‘Yes, Roo, even when you cry,” replied Liz.

Jirra reached up and wiped back a tear.

“How’re you feeling?”

“Looks like my period is over. I wasn’t bleeding this morning,” replied Jirra, as she blew her nose.

“Remind me to show you a good website. It’ll allow you to track your period. This will allow you to plan your life around it,” explained Liz.

Jirra nodded. “Oh, I’m going to christen the bathing suit this evening. Lindsey and I are going to the baths.”

“What time?”

“Nine.”

“Good. Can you get dinner going tonight?”

Jirra nodded. “Any preferences?”

“I could go for a steak. The grocery order came in yesterday and there are a couple of nice filets. We might as well use them; it would be a shame to freeze them.”

Jirra nodded. “Corn on the cob?”

Liz nodded.

“Cool, what time do you think you’ll be home?”

“Sixish.”

“Okay, I’ll have the grill ready,” stated Jirra.

Chapter 44

After dinner Jirra changed into her bathing suit. Her legs were still smooth and hairless. She wondered if that was a side effect from her transformation. In fact, she had very little hair from the neck down. She had a small patch of pubic hair and had just started shaving her armpits, not that there was a lot of hair there either.

Posing in front of the mirror, she studied herself. “Not bad,” she stated out loud. She fished a pair of running shorts out of her dresser and put them on, along with a gray hoodie. She then slipped on her sport sandals. She also grabbed a towel, then headed out the door.

“Not so fast, Roo,” stated Liz. “Let me see you before you go.”

Jirra stopped and turned around.

“Well, from what I can tell, it looks good,” remarked Liz.

“Okay, okay,” replied Jirra with a grin. She took off the shorts and sweatshirt.

“Very nice. You look very nice, Roo,” complimented Liz.

Jirra nodded and slipped the shorts and sweatshirt back on. “It’s a little cool this evening.”

Liz cocked her head and grinned.

“Alright, I’m just not ready to walk around in just a bathing suit yet.”

Liz walked over and kissed Jirra on the cheek. “I understand.”

Lindsey was wearing a turquoise colored bikini, under a robe. “You ready?’

Jirra nodded.

“I like the shorts,” quipped Lindsey.

“I think they look good,” replied Jirra.

They arrived at the mineral baths. They were empty, and a cloud of steam hung over the surface. There were two baths carved right out of the rock. Over time, they had been enlarged so that six people could sit down comfortably in each of them. The rough rock had also been smoothed down, which allowed for comfortable seating. There was no drain; instead the water just ran over the edge and into the creek bed.

The bathhouse was built around them. It was designed so that one wall could slide open and allow the bathers to look directly outside. During inclement weather, the doors could be shut.

“Doesn’t it look inviting?” asked Lindsey as she hung up her robe. “Oh, make sure you take off any jewelry.”

Jirra nodded. She hung up her clothes next to Lindsey’s. She then dipped her foot in the water. “I thought it would be hotter.”

Lindsey began to step into the bath. “It’s perfect. Come on in.”

Jirra followed and she had to admit that it felt wonderful. “It does smell a bit like sulfur.”

“That’s normal. You’ll get used to it.”

It was very relaxing, and Jirra let out a long contented sigh. “You were right; I should have come here sooner.”

“Told ya.”

They sat back and soaked in silence for nearly fifteen minutes before a few more staff members arrived.

“Well, well, looks like someone else had the same idea,” exclaimed Tara, who was wearing a black one-piece suit.

Jirra opened her eyes and smiled. “It feels wonderful.”

Cari nodded. “I’ve been looking forward to this all day.” She was also wearing a one piece suit. Hers was purple.

Tara and Cari climbed into the same bath as Lindsey and Jirra.

“How was it today?” asked Lindsey.

“The guests were really nice. The mud baths were a real hit. We may need to add more,” replied Cari.

“I agree with you, the guests are nice,” stated Tara.

There wasn’t much more conversation as they just soaked in the soothing waters.

Jirra was so relaxed that she almost fell asleep. Cari nudged her. “Don’t overdo it, Jirra.”

Jirra smiled back. “You’re right. I’m ready for bed now.” She got of the bath and quickly toweled off, as the cool evening air hit her wet body.

Tara giggled and leaned over and kissed Cari on the cheek. “Sounds like a lovely idea.”

Chapter 45

Early the following morning, Liz and Jirra prepared for the shopping trip to Santa Fe.

“I still don’t know why I need to wear a skirt,” complained Jirra, as she dressed

“Trust me, it’ll be easier for changing in and out of,” replied Liz.

“Why don’t they put pockets in skirts?” asked Jirra.

“Because that’s what a purse is for,” replied Liz.

“No way. I’m not carrying a purse!”

“Why not? Is it because they’re for girls?”

Jirra stared back. The whole point of the trip was to get her a professional wardrobe. It did seem silly that she was whining over having to use something practical like a purse.

“We’ll get you several. You’ll need one for everyday use, also one for more formal occasions. We’ll also pick up a small casual one. You can wear it slung over your shoulder or even across your chest. After a while, you won’t remember how you got along without one. Oh, we’ll also need to get you a wallet.”

“Okay,” replied Jirra. “I guess it makes sense.”

“Tell you what, I have a small leather one that might suit your needs for today,” stated Liz. “I’ll be right back.”

Liz soon returned with a brown leather bag. It had a long strap that would allow Jirra to wear it slung across her chest and along her side. It was just large enough for money, ID, keys, and a lipstick or a tampon.

“This isn’t too bad, I guess,” replied Jirra, as she examined the bag.

“You’ll soon discover that you’ll need something bigger, especially when you start wearing makeup,” stated Liz.

Jirra slipped the bag over her shoulder and it hung by her side.

Liz smiled. “Looks like Roo has her pouch now.”

Jirra laughed in spite of herself.

The drive down to Santa Fe was uneventful. Liz had made it enough times now to feel comfortable.

“We have to stop first at the clinic, and then we can go shopping. I won’t be long.”

“I’ll wait for you at the coffee shop,” replied Jirra. “It’ll give me a chance to read the paper.”

Jirra ordered a chai tea and sat outside and scanned the local paper; it all felt so normal to her. She didn’t feel self-conscious about her situation at all.

Liz rejoined her an hour later. “Sorry for the delay, but I had to arrange for a medical supply delivery to the spa. I also signed up for a course on the use of anti-venoms.”

“For the rattlesnakes?” asked Jirra.

“Well, they’re our neighbors. It’s only a matter of time until someone steps where they shouldn’t. I’ll have to come back here next week for a one day course.”

“I saw one the other morning when I was out for a hike,” stated Jirra. “It was sunning itself on a rock.”

Liz and Travis had brought Jirra up to respect wildlife.

“I haven’t seen one yet. Would you mind me joining you on some of your hikes?”

“No, not at all.”

“Okay, let’s go shopping,” stated Liz.

Chapter 46

Jirra soon came to appreciate the reasons that Mom had insisted that she wear a skirt. She had tried on so many outfits that she had lost track. They had picked out two outfits. One was a tan silk skirt and jacket combination, the other was an olive colored suit. Additionally, they had picked out several blouses and tops.

“This is an excellent start. Now we need to focus on the accessories,” stated Liz.

“Like what?” asked Jirra.

“Jewelry, shoes, pantyhose, handbags, makeup, and — oh, you’ll need a nice leather business bag,” listed Liz.

“Anything else?” asked Jirra.

“Yes, but you’re not going to like it,” replied Liz.

Jirra stared back. “Go on.”

“You’ll need a scent to wear. Nothing extreme, but something soft and classy.”

“Scent? You mean perfume?” asked Jirra.

“Yes.”

“Is that really necessary?”

“Yes.”

“Crap,” replied Jirra.

“That’s not a good scent,” countered Liz.

Jirra rolled her eyes. “That was low, even below my standards.”

“Let’s get the shoes first,” stated Liz.

Liz had to stifle her giggles as she watched Jirra walk in the one-inch heels. But after a few steps Jirra seemed to gain confidence.

“These are really nice,” stated Liz as she held up a pair of knee high boots. “They would go with either outfit.”

Jirra nodded. To her total surprise, the boots felt really nice.

“Let’s drop this load off in the car and have lunch. We can get the rest of the stuff after we eat,” suggested Liz.

Chapter 47

“Now, I’ll help you with the makeup, but I want you to practice on your own; it’s the only way you’ll learn,” stated Liz.

“Do I really need all this stuff/” asked Jirra, as she stared at the collection of small bottles, tubes, and containers.

“Yes, you won’t wear it all at once, but it’ll give you variety, especially with your eyes,” explained Liz. “When we get home, I’ll help you set it all up.”

Next they picked out a few silver rings, a more formal watch, earrings, bracelets, and a couple of necklaces. One of the rings and two of the bracelets had turquoise inlaid into them.

“We’re fortunate to live in the southwest, where silver and turquoise jewelry is so affordable,” remarked Liz. “One thing you must remember is to take it all off before going in the baths.”

“I know. Tara told me. The minerals stain the metal,” replied Jirra.

“Okay, just a few more things to get,” stated Liz as she checked her list.

Jirra wasn’t pleased when Liz took her into the lingerie department.

“You’ll need some stockings or pantyhose. We’ll get both and let you decide which you like better,” explained Liz. “Of course, with stockings you’ll need a garterbelt.”

Jirra knew it was pointless to argue and just nodded.

“Now, you’ll only have to wear these when you’re dressed up, so it won’t be so bad,” continued Liz.

“As compared to what?” asked Jirra with a grin.

“Just think, in a few months you’ll need a new wardrobe for cooler weather.”

“Oh, boy!”

An hour later, they were on their way back to Caldera de Gaia.

“Thanks for all the help today. I’m sorry for the stupid jokes, but if I don’t make them I’m afraid that I’ll go nuts,” remarked Jirra.

“I know, Roo.”

“I keep wondering why this happened to me,” she stated softly as she stared out the window.

“Life doesn’t always give out its secrets,” stated Liz.

Jirra nodded.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, the lawyer called last night while you were in the baths. You’re about to become legal,” stated Liz. “I can’t believe I forgot to tell you until now.”

“You mean I’ll have a legal identity?”

Liz nodded.

“That means I can get my driver’s license!”

“Assuming you pass the test,” interjected Liz.

“Please!” replied Jirra. “So what’s my full name?”

“You really want to know?” asked Liz.

“Mom!”

“Okay, it’s Jirra Roslyn Reid.”

Jirra stared back. “Roslyn, after Grandma Rose?”

“Yes, I thought it would be fitting and give you a tie to Dad’s side of the family. Do you like it?”

Jirra shook her head. “No, I love it!”

Liz glanced over to see Jirra slightly teary eyed.

“You okay?” she asked.

Jirra nodded. “This is a good cry.”

Chapter 48

“Okay, now take your time with the mascara, gentle strokes,” explained Liz.

She was sitting next to Jirra in front of a mirror. This was Jirra’s first attempt to put mascara on by herself.

“I can’t keep my eyes from blinking,” stated Jirra.

“It takes time, relax.”

“I’m doing better than I did with the eyeliner,” replied Jirra.

“You couldn’t do worse,” retorted Liz. “Sorry, that was uncalled for.”

Jirra smiled back. “How old were you when you first started wearing makeup?

“I honestly don’t remember. I just know that I had to sneak it at first. My mother didn’t want me wearing any, and I would go to my friend’s house before school to do my makeup. I would then have to remove it all before going home. But if it makes you feel any better, I was awful with eyeliner at first too.”

“Guess it runs in the family,” replied Jirra. She turned around and focused on her reflection as she applied the mascara.

“Remember, you need to let it dry before you blink too much,” reminded Liz.

“Or else I’ll get raccoon eyes, right?”

“That’s right, and you’re a kangaroo and not a raccoon.”

“Okay, how’s that?” asked Jirra, as she turned and faced Liz.

“Much better. I think you’ve done enough for today; clean your face and we’ll have dinner.”

“You want to go to the baths after dinner?” asked Jirra.

“That would be nice,” replied Liz.

Chapter

Liz sighed contently as the hot water soothed her body. Jirra was sitting across from her.

“This really is nice,” stated Jirra.

“Is there room for a few more?” asked Lindsey, as she and Hannah entered the baths.

“Sure. How’re the Iron Chefs doing?” asked Liz.

“Rusty,” replied Hannah, as she entered the bath. She let out a long moan of pleasure as she sank into the bath, followed by Lindsey.

Jirra told them about the trip to Santa Fe.

“I think it’s wonderful that Judy is going to teach you some of her business skills,” remarked Hannah. “She’s having Lindsey work on our upcoming inventory and budget.”

“I hate math, but it’s a skill I’ll need if I open my own restaurant someday,” commented Lindsey.

“Cooking is just a small part of running a restaurant,” stated Hannah.

“I know, Mom, you’ve told me many times,” replied Lindsey with a grin.

“So when are you opening your own place, Hannah?” asked Liz.

“I don’t want the headache. I’d rather just cook,” replied Hannah. “Besides I already ran one place.”

“Really? When?” asked Liz.

“It wasn’t much, just a small diner. I started as chef and moved up to general manager, but had to give it up when I got sick. I really didn’t like the management side all that much anyway,” she replied. “I’m convinced the stress contributed to my illness.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what was wrong?” asked Jirra.

Hannah turned and smiled. “I had breast cancer. Thankfully, they caught it early. I went in for a routine physical, and the doctor detected it before it spread. I know that Liz won’t let you forget it, but now that you’re female you have some health issues you need to stay on top of.”

Jirra nodded. Other than pregnancy, she hadn’t thought of things like breast cancer.

“Where’s Cody?” asked Liz.

“He’s at home. He decided to give us a girls’ night out,” replied Hannah.

“Did someone say girls’ night out?” asked Cari, as she and Tara walked into the bathhouse.

Jirra smiled when she saw the two women.

They joined the others in the soothing warm waters.

“Oh, that feels wonderful,” stated Tara.

“Long day?” asked Hannah.

Cari nodded. “It’ll take a while to get used to the schedule. I’m still training my new assistants.”

“Assistants?” asked Jirra.

“Yes, Judy hired a couple of local women from town to assist with the mud and mineral baths. Their names are Maria and Laura. Nice girls, and smart too. They’ll monitor the baths during the daytime hours.”

“Cool, can you e-mail me their names? I have a section of the newsletter to welcome new employees,” stated Jirra.

“Will do,” replied Tara.

“Well, I need to get up early tomorrow, have to have breakfast ready for all,” stated Hannah, as she stepped out of the bath.

“I’ll walk back with you,” offered Liz. “Don’t stay out too long, Roo.”

“Thanks, Mom!” replied Jirra, feeling her face turn red.

“That’s so cute,” stated Tara.

Jirra playfully splashed some water in her direction.

“Your mom really loves you, Jirra,” noted Cari.

“I know,” replied Jirra.

She closed her eyes and lowered herself in the water until just her face was above the water level. Considering everything that happened in her life, she still had a lot going in her favor. Without opening her eyes, Jirra addressed Cari, Tara, and Lindsey.

“Just do me a favor; please don’t call me Roo in front of anyone else.”

Chapter 49

The next morning, Jirra was roaming Caldera de Gaia tracking down information for the latest newsletter. In addition to the two spa assistants, there were three other new employees. All were locals, and they were all happy to be working at the spa.

Next Jirra walked over to where Dave was working. He waved to her as she approached.

“I’ll be with you in a second, Jirra. I need to check this bike in,” he greeted her. “One of the guests blew out the front tire on a rock.”

Jirra nodded and watched as Dave pushed the bike into the shed that doubled as a maintenance shop.

Another guy assisted him. He was blonde and his hair was short and spiky. He must be Randy, she thought.

A few minutes later Dave returned with Randy. “Sorry I took so long. So what do you need?” asked Dave.

“I want to put something in the newsletter about the bike rentals and tours. Can you write something out for me? Don’t worry about a perfect copy, I’ll edit it.”

“That would be great. Just a few paragraphs long?”

Jirra nodded. “That would be great.”

“Oh, Jirra, this is Randy,” Dave introduced his friend.

Randy broke into a broad smile. Jirra couldn’t help but notice that Randy was staring at her breasts.

“Hi,” she greeted.

“Jirra, that’s a cool name. I’ve heard a lot about you,” replied Randy.

Randy was slightly shorter than Dave. He was wearing a muscle shirt that showed off his arms. He had a barbed wire tattoo around each bicep. Jirra had seen a lot of the football players at her last high school with those tattoos.

“Are you going to Redlands High?” he asked, referring to the local high school. “I’m the starting quarterback.”

What a surprise, she thought. “No, I’m finishing up on my own. I might enroll in college early.”

“Oh, well, you have to come down and watch us play,” he continued.

He was the type of arrogant jock that she’d disliked even when she was a guy.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” he asked with a wink.

“Nice meeting you, Randy,” she lied. She turned to Dave. “Can you get me the information by tomorrow? I’d like to get it in the next newsletter.”

“Sure, no problem,” he replied. He had a grin on his face, as he was obviously enjoying watching Randy strike out with her.

“Cool. Thanks again.”

“Hey, thank you, Jirra. Having a write-up in the newsletter will be great free advertising,” replied Dave.

“See ya later, Jirra,” added Randy with a big smile.

Jirra nodded and walked away. She smiled, thinking how Randy would respond if he knew she had once been a guy.

Chapter 50

“Dr. Reid?” asked the male voice on the phone.

“Yes, this is Dr. Reid,” replied Liz.

“Great. This is Dr. Frank Kerry at the lab. I just finished processing the DNA sample you sent us. Everything looks good; there don’t seem to be any problems.”

“That’s wonderful to hear,” replied Liz.

“Yes, she looks perfectly healthy,” he replied. “I’ll send the report out today.”

“Thank you very much,” replied Liz.

“I know you have to keep respect your patient’s privacy, but I’d love to meet her sometime.”

“Why is that?’ asked Liz.

“Well, one of my hobbies is interesting strands of DNA. Your patient has several intriguing markers.”

“What do you mean?” There was a concerned tone to her voice.

“Oh, don’t worry, nothing is wrong. It’s just that she has some markers that are only found in certain native people, usually those whose ancestors came over in the first migrations from Asia.”

“Really?”

“Yes. It’s quite exciting. Is she an adult?”

“No. I’ll talk to her parents, but I don’t think that they’d be interested.”

“Oh, too bad. Well, if they change their minds, please call me,” he replied. “I’ll send you some information along with the DNA report.”

“Thank you,” she replied and hung up the phone. Travis had once traced their genealogies. There hadn’t been any mention of Native American ancestors. Travis’s family was mostly British, Dutch, and some German. Her family was mostly German and Swedish. The only answer was that Jirra had picked up some ancient DNA during her transformation. She decided to ask Judy a few more questions about the history of the spa.

Chapter 51

“What do you want to know?” asked Judy.

“What’s the history of the land the spa sits on?” asked Liz.

“My family first acquired the land in the 1800s, right after the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. They tried to raise cattle here. That pretty much failed, and my ancestors sold off most of the land other than the land I have today.”

“What about before?”

“It was part of a big ranch owned by a Spanish family; they stayed after Mexico gained it’s independence. However, after the Mexican-American war, they sold the land and moved across the border.”

“What about the native people?”

“Well, there are family rumors that tribes moved through this area. While I’ve never done an extensive archeological survey, I’ve never seen any evidence of them living here.”

“I’m not totally up on the history of the area, but I understand that there was a lot of fighting between the native people and the Spanish, Mexicans, and Americans.”

“That’s true. The Spanish almost abandoned New Mexico in the 1680’s.”

Liz nodded. “Now, you say that there were no known villages in this area, but you say they used the springs?”

“Yes, that’s what I was told. My grandmother told me that she had been told that the springs were neutral territory and claimed by no single tribe. They were used by women of various tribes, at least according to my grandmother.”

Liz nodded.

“Just so you know, before I started building Caldera de Gaia, my lawyers talked with the lawyers of the local Native Americans. There was no opposition, and in fact they were pleased that I was opening the spa. I wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t have any land claims after I built this place up,” explained Judy. “The good thing about the Spanish and Mexican Governments was that they kept good records. My lawyer checked the archives and found no evidence of native people living in these hills, as least as far back as 1615. I don’t want to sound cold, but I wanted to make sure that the land was mine legally. Did I answer your questions?”

“Sort of,” answered Liz, “but if these springs were important to the native people, why did they abandon them? I mean, you’d think they’d claim them as part of their spiritual heritage.”

“The tribes that live around here didn’t use these springs. They passed down stories of the springs, but claimed they were only used by the ancients.”

“Why is that? Why didn’t they use them? If they had therapeutic benefits, wouldn’t they be valuable?” asked Liz.

“I can’t answer that. But this area wasn’t always so easy to get to. There are other springs that are easier to access. I know that many of the other springs have been used continuously into the present. I also know that the original bathing site was damaged in a rock slide back in 1890. The site we’re using was dug out by my grandfather in 1933.”

“You sure it was the original site?” asked Liz.

“No. I’ve always suspected that there were baths further up in the hills. I found a few places up there when I was a teenager that looked like they could once have been used as baths, but they were severely damaged. They were also extremely difficult to get to.”

“What damaged them?”

“I’m no geologist, but it looked like a natural rock slide.”

“Has there always been a flow of the water?”

“As far as I can tell from my research, yes. I found references to the springs in documents dating back to 1702. I wasn’t about to put my life savings into a spa that was about to go dry. Again, I think the main reason they weren’t used much was the remoteness of them.”

“From a strictly logical standpoint, if the ancient people knew about the properties of the baths, why didn’t they find a way to keep the baths going? I don’t think it would have been because it was too difficult,” stated Liz.

“I agree.”

“When did that river go dry?”

“I have no idea. I believe it’s been dry for centuries,” replied Judy. “It sometimes carries runoff from rainstorms, but it’s never been a real river since before the Spanish arrived.”

Liz nodded. “You say that the baths were only used by women in the stories?”

“That’s what Grandmother told me,” replied Judy. “What’s on your mind?”

“Maybe there was a reason for this, and what happened to Jirra wasn’t the first incident?”

“We have no evidence of that. Besides, my family, both men and women, have been using them for ages. Nothing happened until that bolt of lightning.”

“I know, but they didn’t take mud baths. I think the mud is the key. The mud comes right from the dried up river, right?”

“Yes. When I came up with the idea for the spa, I read about mud baths. I hired Cari, who analyzed the soil, and she said that it would be much better than anything we could import. Several other spas in the area also use local mud,” explained Judy.

“Do you think that the ancient people might have discovered that the mud was soothing and healthy for them?” asked Liz.

“Of course. They were far more in tune with nature than we’ll ever be.”

“I agree. I can imagine them using both the springs and the mud.”

“So what happened?”

Liz shrugged her shoulders. “I think something happened, maybe something similar to what happened to Jirra, or maybe a partial transformation. They might have attributed magical powers to the site and abandoned it. Over time, the reason passed out of oral history and was forgotten. Eventually, the river dried up and only the springs survived.”

“That’s possible, I guess. So what sparked this whole conversation?” asked Judy.

Liz then told Judy about the DNA sample.

“That’s amazing. The Clovis people roamed New Mexico going back to 10,000 BC. Others followed; it’s entirely possible that they or others used the waters and the mud.”

“Clovis people? Sorry, my knowledge of ancient people isn’t that good,” replied Liz.

Judy explained that the Clovis people were hunter-gatherers who were the first known settlers of the Southwest.

“I had no idea that people had lived here that long ago,” stated Liz.

“Have you told Jirra about the DNA test?”

Liz shook her head.

“Are you going to tell her?”

“Yes. I just wanted to talk to you first and get some information.”

“Do you really think that the baths are safe?”

Liz nodded. “It was just a combination of things. Maybe even throw Jirra’s own body chemistry into the mix. I doubt we’ll ever know.”

Chapter 52

Jirra was relaxing in the mineral bath across from Lindsey. Their evening use of the bath was fast becoming Jirra’s favorite part of the day. It was also the only time that the two friends had time to really talk since the spa had opened.

“I can’t believe that you thought that I’d like Randy! Have you actually talked to that oaf?” asked Jirra.

Lindsey shook her head. “No, what did he do?”

Jirra described their meeting that afternoon. “Not that I’ve changed my mind about guys, but at least Dave is nice. Randy is so full of himself.”

“Dave is nice, isn’t he?”

Jirra sighed and nodded. “It pains me to say it, but you two make a great couple.”

“Thank you. That means a lot, considering it comes from you,” replied Lindsey.

“I spent an hour this afternoon practicing my makeup. I’m still terrible at it!” she bemoaned.

“Gee, after only two days and you’re not perfect at it; what a shock!” kidded Lindsey.

Jirra smiled back. “Touché!”

“I’m not working in the kitchen tomorrow. Dave wants me to join him on a bike tour he’s leading in the morning, but I’ll be free in the afternoon. I can help you if you’d like,” offered Lindsey.

Jirra thought about it. “I accept. It’s just another of the necessary evils that come with this body.”

“What a lovely way to look at it!” retorted Lindsey.

“Sorry. I just feel like I’m dressing up as someone else when I put on makeup and a skirt. I know it sounds stupid, but I keep expecting someone to look at me and shout, ‘Look at the freak,’ or something like that.”

“I thought you were getting more comfortable with it?”

“Around here it’s not so bad. But when I’m around strangers I sometimes get the feeling that they know my secret. I know how irrational that is, but knowing is only half the battle.”

“I had no idea how difficult it must be for you,” replied Lindsey. ‘I thought that with each passing day you were adapting and moving on.”

“I’m trying, but there’s still a big chasm between my physical and mental side.”

“You mind a personal question?” asked Lindsey.

Jirra shook her head.

“Do you pleasure yourself?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Jirra sighed. She thought about it for a moment. There was no good reason. “I don’t know.”

“You should. It’ll get you more in touch with your body. It’s also a great stress reliever.”

Jirra sat up. “You do it?”

Lindsey laughed. “Of course! Did you think only boys do it?”

Jirra shrugged her shoulders.

“I think girls do it more than boys,” added Lindsey with a wink.

Jirra stared back. “I can’t believe that we’re having this conversation.”

“Look, Jirra, since you’re a girl now, let me tell you a little secret. Girls think about sex too.”

Jirra didn’t respond.

“Were you a virgin?”

“No.” Jirra then told her about how she’d lost her virginity as a guy.

“So, you weren’t dating this girl?”

Jirra shook her head. “We’d known each other for a while, but we weren’t dating.”

“Did you date afterwards?”

“No.”

“Did you ask her?”

Jirra nodded.

“Now for the hard questions, who initiated the sex?”

“What?”

“I mean who started it?”

Jirra thought about it. “I really don’t remember the details that much.”

“Nonsense. I remember my first kiss like it was yesterday. She was the aggressor wasn’t she?”

Jirra thought about it. “Maybe.”

“But when you played it back in your head, you were the one who seduced her, right?”

“Okay, you’ve made your point. So what?”

“It just shows, my dear Jirra, that she wanted you — maybe more than you wanted her. Women lust too.”

“I guess I still have a lot to learn,” replied Jirra.

“Yes, you do, just like the rest of us.”

Chapter 53

Jirra stared at the ceiling from her bed. There was moonlight pouring in from her window. She thought about what Lindsey had said; it wasn’t that different from the conversation she’d had with Tara. What was the harm in seeking bodily pleasure? she thought.

She slowly reached down and slipped her hands under the t-shirt she wore as a nightgown. Very cautiously, she began to touch her nipples. At first there was nothing, but as she continued to rub them they began to harden. A new sensation of pleasure began to emanate from her nipples, and it slowly spread through her entire body.

This was very strange, as she had been used to sexual pleasure being focused in one area. She found that by changing the direction and intensity of her rubbing the pleasure changed correspondingly.

Jirra continued to rub her nipples with one hand as her other hand slipped down towards her vagina. When her fingers first touched herself, she was shocked to feel that she was moist. This was something totally new.

Slowly she began to rub the outside of her vagina, just gently rubbing up and down slowly along the outside. To her surprise, the amount of liquid increased. She rubbed slightly harder, and her fingers began to enter her body.

What was also shocking was that, while she didn’t feel close to climaxing, she was feeling it in her entire body. She had thought that it would have been somewhat similar to what she had known as Josh, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t the fast build up to an explosion of mostly localized pleasure. No, her whole body was tingling. She wasn’t sure if this was the way it was supposed to feel, but it felt too good to stop.

Jirra wriggled in delight as she continued down her new path of sexual exploration. She also found that she was making noises that she didn’t think were possible. They were moans of ecstasy as she neared climax. Any hesitation was long gone as she worked herself to sexual contentment.

Jirra’s first orgasm as a woman was an explosion of pure unadulterated bliss. She felt wave after wave of pleasure shoot through her body as she squirmed in delight. When it was over, all she could do was lay there and try to catch her breath.

In between breaths, Jirra let out a single word. “Wow!”

She was initially too exhausted to move, and so she just stared at the ceiling. Eventually, she regained enough strength to get up. She walked into her bathroom and turned on the lights. There was no disguising the look of joy on her face, and she began to giggle. One orgasm wasn’t about to change her mind about her gender identity, but it sure did feel good, she thought.

The orgasm was so different. There was a feeling of contentment and bliss, totally different from the way she had felt when she had pleasured herself as Josh.

She decided to take a bath. The warm water felt very nice against her body.

Jirra’s sexual discovery didn’t go unnoticed by Liz. Even through the closed bedroom door, Liz had heard Jirra’s vocalizations. She debated on what do next and decided to put the kettle on; if Jirra wanted to talk, she would make herself available.

She prepared a mug of tea and thought about her first time. Her parents had been away for the weekend; still, she had been afraid that someone might have heard her. Travis had always gently kidded her about how loud she was during sex. She guessed that Jirra had inherited her volume from her.

A short time later, Jirra walked into the kitchen, wearing a t-shirt, shorts and her robe. At first, she was surprised to see her mom was still up, and then her shock turned to embarrassment.

Seeing her daughter’s face, Liz smiled back softly. “It’s okay, Roo. You want to talk about it?”

Jirra felt her face turning red and nodded.

“The kettle should still be hot enough if you want some tea,” offered Liz.

Jirra nodded and reached for her mug. Liz waited until Jirra sat down with her mug of Earl Grey.

“Was I that loud?” asked a very sheepish Jirra.

“No, but you were loud. It’s okay, so am I,” replied Liz with a wink.

Jirra laughed. “Really?”

Liz nodded.

“I hadn’t planned on doing what I did; it just sort of happened,” explained Jirra.

“Roo, it’s okay. Everyone does it.”

Jirra was a little caught back by this. Her mom wasn’t telling her anything new; still it was another new experience talking about sex with her. She’d had “The Talk” with Dad during a camping trip, but this was different.

“You need to explore your body. There’s no morality about this,” continued Liz.

“It was so different,” blurted out Jirra.

“You definitely have a unique opportunity to compare,” added Liz.

Jirra smirked. “That’s true.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

Jirra nodded.

“I’m going to ask you something; think before you answer. Would you like me to buy you a vibrator?”

Jirra’s eyes opened up. “What?”

“It can help, trust me on this one,” continued Liz, as she sipped her tea.

“You mean… you use one?” asked Jirra. There was a stunned look on her face.

“Of course.”

Jirra leaned over the table and whispered. “Did Dad know?”

Liz smiled. “Roo, he bought one for me. Due to his deployments, we were separated a lot. He understood that, just like a man, a woman needs to find relief.”

Jirra shook her head softly. “Wow.”

Liz reached over and took Jirra’s hand in hers. “It’s okay.”

Jirra nodded.

“Does that mean you want me to get you one?”

Jirra nodded again.

“Okay.”

“I’d say this was the strangest conversation that I’ve ever had, but I think the period conversation was stranger,” observed Jirra.

“It has been a strange few weeks,” concurred Liz.

Jirra sipped her tea. She seemed lost in thought for a moment. She finished her tea and got up. “Thanks, Mom. I’m going back to bed.”

Liz stood up and hugged her. “Good night, Roo.”

Jirra put her empty mug in the sink and started out of the kitchen. “Good night.”

Chapter 54

The next couple of days flew by for Jirra and the rest of the staff of the Caldera de Gaia Spa. Friday morning Jirra was finishing up the newsletter. All she was missing was the list of guests for the following week.

As if on cue, Judy walked into Jirra’s tiny office and handed her the list.

“Alexis is listed as Alexis Foley of Ventura, California. She uses Foley as an alias, as too many fans know her last name used to be Finster,” stated Judy. “Tomorrow at breakfast, I’ll announce to everyone else that she’ll be here.”

“When does she arrive?”

“Sunday morning. Emily is driving her up from Santa Fe.”

“Cool. I’m looking forward to this,” replied Jirra, as she read the list of the other guests.

“When do you think you’ll have a guest from every state?” asked Judy, as she looked at the map.

“I’m hoping within three months,” replied Jirra. She was scanning the list as she spoke. “We got five new states with this group.”

“Which ones?”

Jirra reached into her desk and pulled out the box of pins. “Hmm, lots of single women. Okay, we have Julie from California, Marlene from Ohio, Jessica from Wisconsin, Maggie from Kansas, and a married couple, Jill and Sam Warren, from Pennsylvania.” With each name she placed a pin close to their town.

“Spas often attract single women, especially those who just want to relax and not be hit upon,” remarked Judy.

“The world map is still looking mighty bare,” noted Jirra.

“Give it time,” replied Judy. “We already got a request for information from a woman in New Zealand — oh, and few requests from Canada.”

“So what state do you think will be last?” asked Jirra.

“Hmm, I’d say Idaho,” replied Judy.

“I’m leaning towards North Dakota.”

“Sounds like we should have a bet, what do you think?”

“Well, you’re in a position to fix the bet,” quipped Jirra.

“Honey, bet or no bet, I would never turn away a guest,” replied Judy.

“So what’s the wager?”

“The loser takes the winner to dinner?”

“Just as long as it’s somewhere cheap,” replied Jirra.

“Deal!”

Chapter 55

The following morning, Judy addressed the assembled staff of Caldera de Gaia.

“First, I want to thank you all for the hard work that you’ve done this opening week,” she announced.

This was met by a round of applause and cheering.

“Tomorrow, we get our first celebrity guest. While all our guests are important, it goes without saying what this could mean to all of us.”

She let this sink in before continuing.

“For us to become a world class spa, we need to respect the privacy of all guests, especially those who are celebrities. I want to make it very clear that you all have a clause in your contracts that states that you can be immediately dismissed for violating the privacy of any guest. I have a zero tolerance attitude about this.”

While everyone was on edge wondering who the guest was, they also understood Judy’s warning.

“Beginning tomorrow, Alexis Eden will be staying with us for two weeks. She will be staying in cottage number one. I’m telling you all this because I want to show you that I trust you.”

There was a lot of head nodding.

“I didn’t start this resort just to cater to celebrities, but I’m not foolish enough to chase them away either!”

There was a round of laughter.

“Jirra Reid will be her liaison while she is here,” announced Judy. “I’ve already talked to Ms. Eden’s agent, who has assured me that Ms. Eden will sign autographs prior to her departure. I must ask you to honor her privacy. Alexis is coming here to relax like any other guest. While she will be using her own first name, I request that you don’t call her by her last name or play up her being here to other guests. If you have any non-work related questions for Alexis, please submit them through Jirra.”

After the meeting, Lindsey turned to Jirra. “When did you know she was coming?”

“Last week, but Judy made me promise not to tell anyone,” replied Jirra.

“I love her; she’s such a good actress,” remarked Lindsey.

Jirra nodded in concurrence. She was also locked in another mental conflict as she had a minor crush on Alexis. Jirra knew she had to be professional and that Alexis would see her as a girl, however it would be difficult to be so close to her. She doubted that a woman like Alexis would fall for a teenage boy, let alone a teenage girl. It was all a pipedream. At least Lindsey knew Jirra’s past, and this allowed them to at least talk; there was no way she could tell Alexis what had happened.

This raised another set of questions in Jirra’s mind. Should she meet a woman she really liked, how would she tell her? Jirra had never been very good at detecting someone’s sexual preference, and she had been one of the last people at school to know that one of her teachers was gay. Jirra began to wonder how lesbians make contact, and she decided to talk to Tara and Cari when she had the chance.

Chapter 56

Jirra was relaxing in the baths with Lindsey. It was late in the evening, and Jirra wondered if she would have this opportunity once Alexis arrived.

“I’ve read that she is pretty down to earth,” stated Lindsey. “I can’t image that she will be using you as a personal slave.”

“I know. She sounds like a real person, not like some of those spoiled stars,” replied Jirra.

“Did your mom get it for you yet?”

Jirra had told Lindsey of her mom’s offer to buy her a vibrator.

“Yes, she gave it to me today,” replied Jirra.

“And so the question is… what are you doing here?” laughed Lindsey.

Jirra laughed. “It’s still a little intimidating. It’s big; I can’t believe that it’ll fit.”

“You used your fingers the other night, right?”

Jirra nodded.

“Didn’t you notice how you opened up as you… worked yourself?”

Jirra nodded again.

“How deep did you go?”

Jirra looked around to make sure that no one was listening. “Not too deep.”

“Did you stroke your clit?”

Jirra glanced down. “No.” Her voice was barely audible.

“And you still got off? That’s impressive. Look, don’t be afraid of it, Jirra; it’s just another part of your body.”

“Do you… you know…”

“All the time. My god, do boys think that we don’t do it?”

“To be totally honest, we don’t really think about it,” replied Jirra.

Lindsey shook her head in mock disgust.

“Hey, I was an average guy before this happened. I never claimed to know all the answers,” added Jirra.

Lindsey smiled. “You know, you just referred to yourself as male in the past tense.”

“Don’t read too much into that. I’m still the conflicted, confused person.”

“From your perspective, what do you think of Dave?”

“I like him. He’s honest and doesn’t appear to be putting on a show, unlike his moronic friend,” replied Jirra.

“You mean Randy?”

Jirra nodded. “Every time I see him, he’s staring at my boobs or ass. What a jerk.”

“I think he’s trying to act more macho because he’s hanging out with Dave.”

“I know.”

“Do you really dislike Randy that much?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because he’s so persistent about it. It’s also a reminder of my changed status. I know that I’m not ugly, and there aren’t a lot of girls my age out here. But everyone else leaves me alone, at least in terms of dating. Am I rambling?”

Lindsey nodded. “First off, you’re far from ugly. You’re actually very beautiful. Second, you’re exotic to someone like Randy.”

Jirra laughed. “You got that right!”

“Seriously, Jirra. You’re a city girl and probably the most sophisticated girl he’s ever met around here.”

“He needs to get out more,” interrupted Jirra.

Lindsey laughed. “You’re also staff. That makes you seem more mature too.”

“Seriously, I understand what you’re saying. Hopefully, Randy will get the hint that I’m not interested in him.”

“Did you give up easy?”

Jirra shrugged her shoulders. “I was never that aggressive with a girl I barely knew. I usually dated girls that I knew for a while.”

“Did you have a steady girlfriend?”

“No, not really. I was seeing someone when Dad was killed. We weren’t that serious yet. It ended shortly afterwards. I was hoping to stay in touch with her, but that seems pointless now,” replied Jirra. She then stared off into the night.

Lindsey suspected that it was more serious than Jirra was saying, but decided not to press the point right now.

Jirra yawned. “I guess we should be heading back. It’s going to be an interesting day tomorrow. Alexis is supposed to arrive around ten.”

Chapter 57

Emily Waterman dropped Alexis off at the main office a little after eight, two hours earlier than she was expected. Jirra arrived a few minutes later. She was wearing a pair of khaki shorts, sport sandals, and a floral blouse that looked like a Hawaiian shirt.

She slipped into her office and grabbed her spare nametag and pinned it on her blouse before walking into Judy’s office.

Alexis was sitting across from Judy. She was wearing a sleeveless top that said UC Pepperdine on it and olive green shorts. She had on a pair of simple silver hoop earrings and a Timex sport watch. Her long blonde hair was pulled into a ponytail by a navy blue scrunchie. She was also wearing a pair of sport sandals. A pair of Wayfarer sunglasses was perched on top of her head. She looked like a normal college student and not the next big Hollywood star. Jirra instantly knew that she liked her.

“Jirra, that was fast. Alexis, this is Jirra; she’ll be your liaison while you’re here,” explained Judy.

“Pleased to meet you, Alexis,” Jirra greeted her. She had been told by Emily to be casual with Alexis.

“We finally meet! Emily spoke very highly of you,” replied Alexis with a smile.

“Thank you,” replied Jirra.

“Jirra, Alexis’s luggage is being taken to her cottage. Why don’t you show her around?” suggested Judy.

Alexis nodded and the two young women got up to explore the spa.

“So, I imagine everyone knows that I’m here,” stated Alexis as they walked towards the main building. “Emily dropped me off early, so that I wouldn’t have a big welcome committee.”

“Judy talked to everyone yesterday,” stated Jirra. “She reminded them not to bug you.”

Alexis laughed. “You’re new at this aren’t you?”

Jirra nodded.

“Good. That means you’ll be honest. I doubt if you were supposed to tell me that, but I don’t mind. I picked this place because it was new, and I figured that they wouldn’t be too prepared for celebrities.”

“Hey, I’m winging this,” replied Jirra with a grin.

Alexis laughed. “Cool. So tell me about yourself.”

Jirra told her story as they walked the grounds. She did leave out the part about her gender change.

“Have you picked out a college yet?”

“I’ve applied to bunches of them! I’d like to go back to school in Philly, but I’ll take the best school I can afford.”

Alexis nodded. “I really wanted to attend Pepperdine. The only reason I did my initial audition was for the money. What do you want to do after college?”

“I’d like to be a reporter. I want to travel and see the world.”

“Just promise you won’t be an entertainment reporter! I love traveling too. I’m going to Crete next year for my next movie.”

“Crete? That sounds wonderful.”

“The producer is Richard Thorn, and he likes to shoot on location. However, I have it through a good connection that the main reason we’re going there is that his daughter is working there on an archeological dig.”

Jirra cocked her head. “I remember a National Geographic article recently about some big discoveries there. I don’t remember if any of the people working there was named Thorn.”

Alexis nodded. “That’s the place. Actually, I’m hoping that we get a chance to see the site. They’re uncovered some very cool stuff about the Minoans.”

“You like archeology?”

“I love all science and history.”

“Cool,” replied Jirra.

They arrived outside the mud bath room. Jirra led Alexis in and introduced her to Cari. For the next twenty minutes, Cari explained the mud baths to Alexis.

Next they walked over to the mineral baths. Tara was waiting and she showed Alexis around.

Afterwards Jirra and Alexis walked towards the dining room.

“They both seem like nice women. They’re a couple, right?” asked Alexis.

“How’d you know?” asked a shocked Jirra.

“They’re wearing identical rings. Don’t worry, I’m not shocked, Jirra. Remember, I do work in Hollywood!”

“They’re both very cool. In fact, they’re our neighbors,” stated Jirra.

“How do you like living at a spa?”

“It’s has its advantages. I love using the mineral baths.”

“What about the mud baths?”

Jirra shrugged her shoulders. “They’re okay, but I like the mineral baths better.”

“Well, I’m going to use both,” replied Alexis.

“You ready to eat? Brunch is still going on,” stated Jirra.

“I’m famished.”

“Do you want to eat in the dining room, or do you want to have it brought to your room?”

“I eat too many meals alone. I want human contact,” replied Alexis.

Jirra smiled back. “Okay, but I must warn you that you’ll need a good workout afterwards. Hannah is a great chef, and so is her daughter, Lindsey.”

Alexis nodded. “Judging by the sense of pride in your voice, Lindsey is a friend.”

“My best friend,” replied Jirra.

Alexis smiled back. “Lead on, Jirra.”

The initial rush for brunch was over, and only a few guests were left in the room. No one paid any attention to the two young women moving down the buffet.

“Those waffles look great, but I don’t dare eat one,” stated Alexis.

“You want to split one?” asked Jirra.

“Okay, that’s a deal! I’ll have strawberries on mine. Are those fresh?”

“Absolutely!” stated Lindsey as she walked up to Jirra and Alexis.

Jirra introduced Lindsey to Alexis.

After filling their plates, Jirra and Alexis sat down at an empty table.

“Everything looks so good,” stated Alexis. In addition to the half of Belgian waffle, she had a selection of fresh fruit. “I may have to try one of the omelets before I leave.”

Jirra nodded. “I warned you it was dangerous in here.”

Alexis laughed. “Noted!”

“After we eat, I’ll show you our exercise facilities.”

“Great. Emily said that you like to hike and bike.”

Jirra nodded as she chewed on a piece of her waffle.

“Would Lindsey like to join us?”

“Yes, she would. We go hiking often. She also bikes with her boyfriend; his father runs the mountain bike tours here.”

Alexis nodded. “So, Jirra, do you have a boyfriend?”

Jirra shook her head, hoping she didn’t look silly.

“That’s cool. I’m not seeing anyone right now myself,” replied Alexis.

“Really? I read that you were dating that guy from that cop show.”

Alexis shook her head. “We went out a few times, but it was never serious. He needed a beautiful woman to be seen with publicly.”

Jirra looked confused.

Alexis leaned over and whispered. “He’s gay.”

“Oh. So you were there to….”

“Yes, exactly. I was his window-dressing. He’s actually pretty cool. We joked about it on the way to the award shows.”

“Maybe you should be the writer,” stated Jirra.

“No, I couldn’t do it justice,” she replied with a wink.

Chapter 58

After eating, Jirra and Alexis walked over to the main building to check out the activity schedule. There, Jirra showed her the maps of the hiking trails.

“You need to be careful in the morning and early evening when you’re hiking. We do have rattlesnakes here.”

“I’d love to see them,” replied Alexis. Seeing the concern in Jirra’s face, Alexis smiled. “Don’t worry; I won’t go Crocodile Hunter on you. I just want to see some.”

“Thanks. The last thing I need on my resume is that you got bit by a poisonous snake.”

Alexis laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ll be careful. Where is the pool?”

“I’ll show you where we keep the bikes first. It’s on the way to the swimming pool.”

“That sounds great. Also where is the workout room?”

“It’s along the way. We don’t have much in there yet. Some of the equipment is on back order,” apologized Jirra.

“That’s fine. I also do yoga. Do you want to join me at the pool?”

Jirra nodded and pointed out each facility as they walked over to the shed where Dave was working. Much to Jirra’s annoyance, Randy was also there.

Jirra tried to act nonchalant and gently ignored Randy’s not so subtle come-ons.

Dave either didn’t know who Alexis was, or didn’t care. He treated her with the usual courtesy that he showed all the guests.

As they talked, Jirra’s cell phone rang. It was Judy. Jirra talked for a few seconds and hung up.

“I gotta run up to the front office. I’ll be back in couple of minutes,” stated Jirra.

“Anything wrong?” asked Dave.

“No. I just have to make a quick change in the newsletter. Be back in few minutes.”

Dave showed Alexis one of the bikes. She got on it and rode it around the area outside the shed.

“Can I reserve this one for the time I’m here?” she asked.

Dave nodded. “Sure. Are you staying in the lodge or in a cottage?”

“Cottage.”

“Just fill out this form, and I’ll deliver it to your cottage. There’s a bike rack in front of the cottage. Don’t worry about a lock; who’d steal it up here?”

Alexis sat down at Dave’s desk and filled out the form. As she did, she overheard a conversation between Dave and Randy.

“I don’t get it, dude. I mean, why doesn’t Jirra like me?” asked Randy.

“I have no idea. Maybe you’re not her type,” replied Dave.

“Yeah, right,” replied Randy sarcastically. “Look at me, dude. What’s not to like?”

Dave didn’t answer.

Alexis listed a few things about Randy in her mind as she filled out the form.

“I mean, she could be a dyke,” stated Randy. “If she is, I’m just the guy to convert her.”

“Chill, Randy, and watch your mouth; the owner here doesn’t like that sort of talk, and neither do I. Now, I need you to overhaul number twelve; the front rim is misaligned,” ordered Dave.

Alexis smiled to herself at the way that Dave handled the younger boy. At least he had a brain, she thought.

Alexis was trying on a helmet when Jirra returned.

“Do you have your own bike, Jirra?” asked Alexis.

“No, not yet. I’m using a loaner.”

“I’m going to help Jirra and Lindsey buy their bikes in the fall. The prices will drop dramatically,” interjected Dave. “Do you want me to drop this off at your cottage, Alexis?”

“That would be nice, thank you, Dave.”

Jirra led Alexis to her cottage. The guest cottages were located near the staff housing. In fact, the roof of Jirra’s house could be seen from Alexis’s patio.

“This is perfect,” stated Alexis, as she looked out towards the hills. “It’s so beautiful here.”

“I know. So, you still want to grab a swim?” asked Jirra.

“Yes. Why don’t you come back in two hours? I want to unpack and check my messages.”

Jirra nodded and looked at her watch. “See you in two hours.”

Chapter 59

Jirra tried to hide her nervousness about lying out in her bathing suit by the pool. It helped that Alexis was so nice and that they got along so well.

“I’m surprised to see that you’re not wearing a bikini. You definitely have the body for one,” observed Alexis. She was wearing a floral bikini.

Jirra smiled back and tried to think of a way to shift the conversation.

“I’m looking forward to hiking tomorrow. I don’t get a chance to do it nearly enough anymore,” remarked Alexis.

“Why?”

“Too busy. When the show’s in production, I’m working eighteen-hour days. Even when I have time off, it’s hard; thanks to that stupid magazine, I can’t go near the trails close to my condo.”

Jirra nodded. “From what you’ve told me, it sounds like you’re not totally happy with being in showbiz.”

Alexis laughed. “There are things I love about it, but I hate the loss of privacy. Emily wasn’t happy about my vacation decision. She wanted me to go to somewhere where I would be more visible.”

“Why? That doesn’t make sense,” replied Jirra.

“For a normal person it wouldn’t, but her job is to keep me in the public eye, in order to build up my image. I understand that, and she does care about me. It goes with the job. If the movie is a hit, it will get worse.”

Jirra picked up her soda and made a toast. “Here’s to a flop!”

Alexis laughed and returned the toast. “Wishful thinking, Jirra. Thorn has the magic touch. The good thing is that I get to make two smaller movies as part of my contract. Those won’t be seen by most movie goers, but I can’t wait to make them.”

Alexis then told Jirra about the movies.

“They both sound very cool. I love going to the movies. Well, at least I did. The closest theater is over forty minutes away from here. Thankfully, we have a DVD player.”

“What sorts of movies do you like?” asked Alexis.

“All kinds, although I really love Alfred Hitchcock movies.”

“Me too. What’s your favorite?”

Jirra thought about it. “To Catch a Thief. It wasn’t his scariest, but I loved the characters.”

“I loved it too. Grace Kelly had class. I also admired how she was able to walk away from movies.”

“She did marry into royalty,” added Jirra.

“True, but I think she would have done it anyway,” replied Alexis. “Do you like film noir?

Jirra nodded. “My dad used to watch those all the time; I guess I got my love for movies from him.” Her voice faded off as she thought about her dad.

“It must be awful; you sound like you really miss him.”

Jirra nodded.

“I’m lucky, I still have my parents. I can’t image them not being in my life.”

Jirra smiled back. To get the conversation off her life, she thought of a question. “What’s your favorite Hitchcock movie?”

“Mine? I guess it was North by Northwest.”

“Ahhh, another Cary Grant movie!”

“I love his movies; he was always so smooth, and he made it look so easy.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon discussing movies. A few of the other guests gave Alexis a second look, but no one interrupted them.

At times, Jirra couldn’t believe that she was sitting next to a celebrity. Alexis seemed so normal.

“Thank you, Jirra, for the great day. I guess I’d better let you go, it’s getting late,” noted Alexis, as she stood up.

Jirra followed suit and began to pick up her things. “Okay. So, are you going to the dining room for dinner, or are you going to eat in your cottage?”

“I haven’t decided. I know Emily ordered that my cottage be fully stocked with food. I guess I’ll check out what’s there first.”

Jirra turned to Alexis. “Why don’t you come home with me? Mom loves company.”

“I can’t do that. You need time to yourself.”

“Nonsense. We’d love to have you over.”

Alexis nodded. “I haven’t had a home cooked meal in ages. What time?”

“Six?”

“Sounds good. That will give me plenty of time to change.”

Jirra gave her directions to her home. “See you at six.”

Chapter 60

As Alexis dressed after taking a shower, she thought about the pleasant young woman she’d been with all day. She was pleased that Jirra was so nice, but it was obvious that Jirra was hiding something.

As Alexis dried her hair, her mind replayed the conversation she had overheard between the two boys at the bike shed. While the blond boy was an ass, she sensed that there was another reason why Jirra didn’t like him. Maybe the boy was right and Jirra preferred girls, she thought.

Alexis dressed in a long floral cotton skirt and a green blouse. As she walked out of her cottage, she saw that the bike had been delivered as promised.

A short time later she arrived outside Jirra’s cottage.

“Any trouble finding us?” asked Jirra as she greeted Alexis.

“None at all. What a nice place,” she commented as she walked inside.

“We still have a lot of stuff to unpack,” stated Jirra, as she led Alexis into the living room. “Mom, Alexis is here.”

Liz came out of the kitchen with a big smile on her face. “Pleased to meet you, Alexis.”

“Same here. I hope I’m not causing you extra work.”

Liz shook her head. “It’s not a problem. I hope you like barbecued chicken.”

Alexis nodded. “I love it.”

“I need to get back to my kitchen. Please make yourself at home.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” asked Alexis. “I love to cook.”

“Okay, I can definitely find use for a couple more pairs of hands,” replied Liz. She understood why Jirra had been raving about Alexis; she seemed to be a genuinely nice person.

“Jirra, would you start the grill, and then make the green salad? Oh, and make sure the pepper grinder is full — the potato salad simply demands fresh ground pepper. I started marinating the chicken breasts in orange juice with onion and garlic at lunchtime. The red potatoes are almost cooked, and I’ll coach Alexis on making the hot potato salad.”

“Okay, Mom,” replied Jirra.

Liz had Alexis core and dice a sweet green pepper while she chopped a red onion. Alexis then tossed those with the hot, diced potatoes, capers, chopped ripe olives, garlic, olive oil and red wine vinegar. Meanwhile, Liz basted the chicken breasts with olive oil, dusted them with curry powder, and put them on the grill.

She then broke out a bottle of chilled Niersteiner Domtal and served glasses to Alexis and herself.

“I hope you don’t mind my eclectic mix of cuisines. My husband and I picked up recipes from all over the world during our military postings, but I like to mix and match recipes that I think will go well together. And this wine is simply my all-time favorite for an outdoor chicken meal.”

“The wine is great, and I’ll try anything once,” stated Alexis with a grin. “The chicken sure smells good.”

“This is one of my favorites,” added Jirra.

They ate dinner out on the patio. It was a pleasant evening, and they enjoyed a stunning sunset. After a brief pause for digestion, Liz served scoops of vanilla ice cream with shaved dark chocolate and chopped peanuts for dessert.

“That was excellent, Liz,” Alexis complimented her. “I know how to do the potato salad. Can I get the chicken recipe from you?”

Liz nodded as she sipped her cup of coffee. “I can e-mail it to you if you’d like.”

“That would be great,” replied Alexis. “This was so nice. I forgot how good home cooking is!”

Liz smiled. “You’re welcome anytime you want to come over, Alexis. Just as long as you don’t mind me putting you to work.”

The howl of a coyote broke the stillness of the twilight.

Over after-dinner coffee, they talked, and Alexis secretly studied Jirra. While Jirra was obviously a young woman, there was a definite masculine streak to her personality. It was subdued, but it came out every now and then, observed Alexis.

“I’d better get going. Thank you so much for dinner,” stated Alexis. “Jirra, you still want to go for a hike in the morning?

Jirra nodded. “What time?”

“Is six-thirty too early? I want to observe some of the local wildlife.”

Jirra shook her head. “That’s great. I’ll meet you at your cottage. The trail I want to take you on starts right nearby.”

Alexis walked back to her cottage and wondered how she would broach the questions on her mind to Jirra.

Chapter 61

Alexis tied the laces of her hiking boots. It was so enjoyable to dress for comfort and not for the camera, she thought. She got up and grabbed her old L.L. Bean backpack. Inside were her binoculars and Audubon Society Nature Guide. She also put in two bottles of water. She then slipped her camera around her neck. Checking her watch, she saw that it was six twenty-six. One of Alexis’s pet peeves was promptness; it really bugged her when people were late. She was very pleased, and not totally surprised that Jirra arrived on time.

“What a beautiful morning!” greeted Alexis, as she stepped outside.

Jirra nodded. “You sleep well?”

“Yes, although it was almost too quiet.”

“I know, that was the biggest thing to get used to here. Well, as John Wayne said, ‘We’re burning daylight.’ So if you’re ready, let’s head this way,” stated Jirra with a grin.

They headed up into the hills. It was still predawn, but there was more than enough light to see the trail.

Ten minutes into the trail, they saw two coyotes cross ahead of them. The coyotes stopped nearly one hundred yards ahead of them and stared back at them.

Alexis slowly raised her camera and focused on the two curious animals. She snapped off several shots before the coyotes departed into the brush.

“That was perfect. How did you arrange that?” asked Alexis.

“They’re on the payroll. I just told them to be here between six-thirty and seven,” replied Jirra with a grin.

“I was hoping to see some. There is a pack near my condo back in LA, but I’ve only heard them.”

“Actually, this is only the third time I’ve seen them myself.”

Over the next couple of hours, they walked the five-mile trail. The pace was slow, as Alexis stopped often to examine a plant or photograph a bird.

As they hiked, Alexis told Jirra that she still wanted to finish her degree. “My goal is to make enough money so that I can buy a place and be able to do this every day.”

“You mean study wildlife?”

Alexis nodded. “I don’t just want to do it as a hobby either. That’s why I want to finish my degree. The biggest problem will be being taken seriously by the science community.”

“Does that mean you’re going to quit acting?”

“Eventually, yes. I want a private life. I have a five year plan. Emily just renegotiated my TV contract to six figures. The show is guaranteed to go into syndication, and I’ll get a piece of that. I also have a three-movie deal that is worth several times that. Thorn’s movies are always popular and make lots of money. Just being in one of his movies will bring me several more offers.”

“Sounds like you have it all planned out,” replied Jirra.

“What about you?”

Jirra shrugged her shoulders. “I want to go to school. I want to write.”

“And?” asked Alexis.

“A lot will depend on where I go to school.”

Alexis could feel Jirra’s defenses coming up. She decided not to press it and wait for a more opportune moment. One thing that she had noticed was that when Jirra was relaxed she acted more masculine. Again, it wasn’t a dramatic change, but there were little things that Alexis noticed. Being an actress, she noticed little changes in body language more than other people. She noticed that when Jirra crossed her legs, it was a forced deliberate act; it didn’t seem natural.

Alexis also noticed that Jirra’s hair was shorter than most girls her age. By itself, it wasn’t a big deal, but it was the accumulation of little things that added up to the fact that Jirra was putting on an act.

While Alexis had only known Jirra for less than two days, she already liked her immensely. She hoped that she could help Jirra with whatever she was holding back.

“Well, you have the rest of your life to decide,” remarked Alexis. “So besides the coyotes on the payroll, what other wildlife have you seen around here?”

“I’ve seen deer a few times, lots of rabbits and ground squirrels. Cari said that she saw a bobcat the other night while she was driving back from town. Oh, I saw a ringtail one night as I walked back from the spa,” replied Jirra.

“Cool.”

“There’s also a golden eagle that we’ve seen in the hills over there,” stated Jirra as she pointed to the hills to the east.

“We’ll have to hike over that way one day. Is there a trail?”

Jirra nodded. “It’s more rugged than this one.”

“That’s fine. Well, we’d better head back to the spa. I have a few phone calls to make before my ten o’clock mud bath. You want to join me?”

“I have some work to do, but I’ll meet you for lunch,” replied Jirra.

“Sounds good.”

Chapter 62

Over the next few days, Jirra and Alexis became closer friends. Jirra did her best to hide her true feelings about Alexis. She knew it was silly, but she was falling in love with Alexis. It wouldn’t work on so many levels, yet she couldn’t shake the feelings.

“Are you going to the baths tonight, Jirra?” asked Alexis as they took a break. They were presently three miles from the spa. The trail they were on was a six mile loop.

“Of course,” replied Jirra.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

Jirra shook her head. “No, not at all. I usually go with Lindsey, but she’s going out with Dave tonight.”

Alexis nodded. “So where’s that eagle you’ve told me about?”

“It’s sometimes is up on the rocks on that hill ahead of us,” stated Jirra. She pointed ahead of where they were sitting.

“Well, we’d better go see if it’s there.”

They started up again and headed up the trail. Jirra stopped suddenly and pointed straight ahead.

Alexis stopped and saw the eagle perched on a rock overhang on the hill ahead of them. She switched to a zoom lens and began to shoot it. “It’s magnificent. I always knew they were big, but I had no idea.”

Jirra nodded. She found it refreshing that Alexis so enjoyed seeing the local wildlife.

Alexis began to walk slowly up the trail. “All we need to see now is a rattlesnake.”

“You mean like the one by your feet?” asked Jirra.

Alexis jumped back and then turned back and stuck her tongue out at Jirra. “Very funny.”

“Sorry, couldn’t resist.”

Just then the eagle took flight and passed over them. Alexis snapped a series of photos as it flew over.

“That was fantastic,” exclaimed Alexis.

“I’d love copies of those,” requested Jirra.

“You got ’em.”

They headed back to the spa. Much to Alexis’s annoyance, they didn’t see any rattlesnakes.

Chapter 63

It was a little past ten when Alexis and Jirra arrived at the baths. A group of four women was just leaving as they arrived.

“I’m definitely going to miss these when I go back to LA,” commented Alexis as she stepped into the warm water.

“I thought you said that your condo had a Jacuzzi?”

“It’s not the same,” replied Alexis. She let out a long sigh as she lowered herself into the water.

Jirra hung up her robe and followed Alexis in. She sat down across from her in the bath.

They soaked for a few minutes before Alexis decided to take a chance.

“Jirra, I think that we’ve become friends over the past week, don’t you agree?”

Jirra nodded.

“Good. I have something to ask you. If I’m getting too personal, please tell me.”

Jirra looked over and nodded again, wondering what was up.

“I’ve noticed that you’re uncomfortable when that boy at the bike shed hits on you.”

“Is it that obvious?” asked Jirra.

Alexis nodded. “I’ve also noticed that whenever I bring up dating you get rather nervous and shift the subject.”

Jirra gently bit her lower lip and stared back. There was no way that Alexis could know that she had once been a guy, not unless someone had told her, she thought. No, that’s not possible.

Alexis leaned over and whispered. “Jirra, do you like girls?”

Jirra stared back and was so stunned by what Alexis had asked she was unable to respond.

“I just want you to know that, if you do, it’s okay with me. I like girls too,” confessed Alexis.

Jirra’s eyes opened wide. “Really?”

Alexis smiled. “Yes. You remember when I told you that the actor I’ve dated is gay? Well, he knows that I’m a lesbian. We date to protect both of our careers.”

“The answer is yes. I like girls,” replied Jirra.

Alexis reached over and took Jirra’s hands into her own. “I thought so. It’s okay. I know this sounds silly coming from someone who’s passing as straight, but it’s all part of my image. A star can come out of the closet. I’m not big enough to come out — yet.”

Jirra stared back with a confused look on her face.

“It’s just one of the reasons why I want to quit acting. I want to honor my contract. I owe that much to Emily. Once I quit, I can do whatever I want.”

“But if you make it big, would it really matter?”

“I’m a lesbian who’s also an actress. I don’t want to be known as the lesbian-actress. Does that make sense? Besides, I have other things that I want to do in my life.”

Jirra nodded. “For the first time, it does.”

“Your turn, Jirra. You can talk openly now.”

Jirra took a deep breath. “I don’t know where to begin. I just know that I’ve never liked boys. Coming out here has allowed me to be more open about it.”

“So, does your mom know?”

Jirra nodded. “So does Lindsey. She’s straight, but is totally cool with me.”

“That’s good to hear. It’s a shame that people have to hide their sexual preferences.”

“I know. I’ve been tempted to tell Randy that I’m a lesbian, but I don’t think even that would help.”

“No, then he would think that he could convert you.”

Jirra laughed. “Ugh! Randy’s the type of guy who turns girls into lesbians!”

Alexis and Jirra began to laugh uncontrollably.

In a smooth move, Alexis leaned over and kissed Jirra on the lips.

The move caught Jirra totally off guard, but she didn’t pull away.

“Did you like that?” asked Alexis.

Jirra nodded.

Alexis slid next to Jirra. “Have you ever acted on your feelings?”

Jirra shook her head.

Alexis nodded. “That explains a lot. I’m really attracted to you, Jirra. Do you like me?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I don’t want to do anything against your will.”

Jirra nodded as she bit her lower lip. Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. She had fantasized about Alexis, and now it was happening, but it felt so different. Alexis was the aggressor, not her. This was new, yet Jirra liked it. She also felt her body reacting to Alexis’s kiss. Her nipples were getting hard like when she played with them.

“Relax, Jirra. We’ll take it slow. I want this to be enjoyable for both of us, is that clear?”

Jirra smiled. “Okay.”

Alexis smiled and leaned over and gently kissed Jirra on the lips again. She slipped her arm around Jirra and pulled her closer.

Jirra had made out with girls many times as Josh, but this was totally new. For the first time since her transformation, she actually felt like she was now a girl. She was accepting the more submissive role and liking it.

Alexis pulled back. “I think we’d better stop. I don’t want to cause a scandal or anything.” Seeing the disappointment in Jirra’s eyes, she reached over and placed her hand against Jirra’s face. “It’s okay, sweetie; this isn’t over. I want this to be special; after all, we still have a whole week.”

Jirra nodded. “Okay.”

“We’d better go; it’s getting late.”

Chapter 64

Jirra stared at the ceiling fan making slow rotations above her bed. She tried to make sense of what had happened that evening.

There was a definite mismatch between her mind and her bodily urges. In her mind, she saw herself as the aggressor in relationships; the idea that someone else might instigate a relationship had never really entered her mind. Yet when Alexis had leaned over and kissed her, it had felt so good. It was so confusing!

Jirra had thought that being with a girl would be similar to what she had known as Josh, but it was totally different. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Alexis, in fact she was extremely attracted to her; she just hadn’t counted on Alexis being the one to start the relationship.

Relationship, what relationship? They had just kissed a few times, yet Jirra knew that she wanted it to go further, but at the same time she wasn’t totally comfortable being the “girl” in the relationship. No, that wasn’t right either. She remembered from her sex ed classes that in some straight relationships the woman was the aggressor or dominant. Still, Jirra had never thought of herself as the submissive before. Jirra let out a long sigh and decided that she would sleep on it.

Chapter 65

Alexis and Jirra headed out on their morning hike. They spotted a mule deer less than a mile from the spa.

“I’m amazed with the amount of wildlife so close to the spa,” noted Alexis.

“Judy’s family has owned this land for a long time; she’s determined to preserve it as much as she can,” replied Jirra. “I’m working on an article for the latest newsletter about it.”

“You ought to document all the wildlife here,” added Alexis.

“Sounds like a job for a naturalist,” replied Jirra with a wink.

“Touché. I’ll tell you what, I’ll write out a complete list of the animals I’ve seen for you.”

“I’d like that,” replied Jirra.

They walked a bit further before taking a break. They had packed a portable breakfast of fruit and breakfast bars. They sat down together on a boulder. The spa was just barely visible in the distance.

“Any thoughts on last night?” asked Alexis.

Jirra couldn’t come up with the right words. She stared at Alexis and started to talk several times, but no words came out.

Alexis smiled. “It’s okay, sweetie.” She then slipped her arm around Jirra and pulled her closer.

Jirra’s body immediately reacted to Alexis touch, and she felt her nipples harden. It was happening again; Alexis was taking charge.

Alexis leaned over and kissed Jirra on the lips. It was a gentle kiss at first, but it slowly became more passionate. Her tongue slowly slipped between Jirra’s lips. Jirra’s mind was locked in confusion as the pleasure of the situation began to override her old beliefs.

Alexis pulled back. “That was nice. Did you like that?”

Jirra nodded. “It’s just that… it’s all so new.” Ugh, that sounded so stupid she thought.

Alexis reached over and ran her fingers through Jirra’s hair. “I understand. It’s always a little confusing at first. Even though you know that it’s right, you still have to overcome the feelings that it’s not what society has taught you. I want to help you conquer those thoughts.”

Jirra felt Alexis’s hand as it caressed her face.

“You’re attracted to other women and not men. It would be silly for you to ignore that and live a life hiding your true nature. I have to do it right now, and I hate it.”

“Does Emily know?”

Alexis nodded. “She’s very protective of my privacy.”

“Does she know your plans to quit acting?”

“We’ve talked about it a few times,” replied Alexis. “Question for you. You said that your mom knows that you like girls and that Lindsey knows. What about the rest of the staff?”

“I haven’t exactly advertised it,” replied Jirra with a grin. “I have talked to Cari and Tara a few times.”

“Would it bother you if they knew?”

Jirra thought about her answer. “The permanent staff is sort of like family. I think they’d be cool about it.”

“In some ways, you have a better situation than I do,” replied Alexis.

“If you came out and were accepted, would you stay an actress?”

Alexis shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. The idea has never really occurred to me. While Hollywood tries to portray itself as so progressive, they still worry about the bottom-line. I know that part of the reason I was given my TV role was that I’m attractive. The show is really big in the males aged eighteen to twenty-four ratings bracket. My character is a big reason for that. If it was known that I was a lesbian, the network would worry that the ratings would be affected. A straight actress can play gay and get awards; the opposite isn’t always true.”

“It can’t be that bad,” argued Jirra.

“Really? Jirra you’d be shocked at how many stars, both male and female, are LGB and are closeted.”

“What would you do if you met someone that you wanted to be with, say in a long term relationship?”

“Long term relationship? Sounds like you’ve been watching too much Oprah! Seriously, I’m not totally sure. But I think I’d go with love.”

Jirra nodded.

“Well, we’d better head back,” stated Alexis. She stood up and helped Jirra off the rock; she then pulled Jirra close and kissed her again.

“You’re so cute,” Alexis complimented her.

Jirra blushed. She wanted to say something, but didn’t know what to say or where to start. She wondered if she should just keep her mouth shut, as Alexis would be leaving in five days.

“Come on, maybe we’ll see a snake on the way back,” stated Alexis. “Don’t worry, sweetie, I won’t embarrass you.”

Jirra smiled and they walked together back to the spa.

Chapter 66

They walked back to the spa and when they reached Alexis’s cottage they stopped.

“That was fun,” stated Jirra.

“Come on in,” offered Alexis, as she took Jirra’s hand.

Jirra hesitated a second.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” comforted Alexis.

They walked inside and Alexis tossed her backpack on a chair. She set down her camera on the coffee table.

“You want something to drink? I’ve got some fresh squeezed OJ in the fridge.”

“That sounds good,” replied Jirra.

Jirra followed Alexis into the kitchen. Alexis poured the juice and handed Jirra a glass.

“Cheers.”

Jirra nodded and tapped her glass to Alexis’s.

She took a sip of the juice. It was very refreshing.

Alexis then took Jirra’s glass out of her hand and set it down on the counter. Without a word, she began to kiss her again.

As before, Alexis was in charge. Jirra found herself submitting willingly to Alexis’s advances. The kissing got deeper and more passionate. Alexis pressed Jirra against the counter as she kissed her.

Jirra felt Alexis’s hands caressing her breasts through her t-shirt and bra. She felt all tingly as Alexis began to rub against her nipples.

“Let’s go to my room,” whispered Alexis.

Jirra nodded and was led by Alexis into the bedroom.

They sat down on the bed and began to kiss again. Jirra followed Alexis’s lead. Her mind drifted back to when she had been making out with her girlfriend, only now the roles were reversed.

Alexis gently undressed Jirra, removing her t-shirt and bra.

“You have lovely breasts, Jirra,” she cooed as she leaned down and kissed them.

Jirra was now lost in passion and moaned as Alexis expertly licked and kissed her nipples. It really felt good, better than she ever could have imagined.

Alexis paused for a moment to slip off her own top and bra. Her breasts were much larger than Jirra’s. Jirra also noticed that there was no tan line, meaning she tanned bare breasted. Alexis placed Jirra’s hands onto her breasts, and Jirra tried to return some of the pleasure that Alexis had given her.

“Hmmm, that’s right. Not so hard; be gentle when you rub,” instructed Alexis.

Jirra nodded.

Alexis then guided Jirra’s head down to her breasts. She began to lick and kiss each nipple, trying to reproduce the actions of her mentor. Alexis’s moaning told her that she was successful.

“Ohhhh, that’s very good, Jirra. You’re a fast learner,” stated Alexis. “But we need to stop. We can continue another time.”

Jirra sat up and was met immediately by a long loving kiss.

“You’re really a sweet girl, Jirra. I’m so happy that I met you.”

“Me too,” replied Jirra.

“Well, we’d better get dressed,” stated Alexis.

Chapter 67

After she returned home, Jirra showered and changed. She walked up to her office to work on the newsletter. She’d promised Alexis that she would meet her for lunch.

It was difficult to concentrate, as all she could think about was Alexis. She decided that she needed to talk to someone about it.

A few minutes later, she was standing outside Tara’s office.

“Jirra, this is a surprise. I believe Alexis is with Cari. She sure loves those mud baths,” greeted Tara.

“Can we talk?” asked Jirra.

Tara nodded. “Come on in.”

Jirra walked in and closed the door behind her.

“Oh, this is serious,” noted Tara.

Jirra nodded. “I have something that I need to talk about, but I must ask you to promise not to tell anyone.”

“Jirra, I know that you used to be a guy. I think I can be trusted.”

“Please, Tara. This doesn’t involve just me.”

Tara noticed the seriousness in Jirra’s voice. “Okay, I promise.”

Jirra then told her about her and Alexis.

“Sounds like you two like each other a lot, so what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know. It’s just that I’m not totally comfortable with the way Alexis… takes control, if you know what I mean,” replied Jirra.

“Oh... I can see how that would be a problem for you. I take it you never let the girl be in charge when you were a guy.”

“No. I never gave it a second thought. As a guy, I just thought I was supposed to be the one initiating stuff. But it’s different now.”

“You say that it feels good when she takes command, right?”

“Physically, yes.”

“Ahhh, but your male psyche has a problem with it.”

“I guess that’s one way of putting it.”

“This all goes back to what I told you about what the elders told me, Jirra. You need to find your new balance. You’ve made some great strides in the past few weeks, but you still have a long way to go. There’s nothing wrong with adapting.”

Jirra stared out the window. “I don’t know if I can do it.”

“It won’t be easy, but you’re strong.”

Jirra sighed. “It’s so hard. I just want to be normal; is that too much to ask?” Her voice began to waver slightly. She reached up and wiped away a tear. “Great, now I’m crying again.”

Tara got up and walked over to Jirra. “It’s okay, Jirra.” She then leaned down and hugged her.

Jirra hugged Tara back hard as she wept. After a few minutes she let go. “Sorry.”

“For what? Jirra, I can’t imagine how hard it has been for you. But I can offer you some advice regarding your relationship with Alexis.”

“What’s that?”

“Tell her how you feel. You don’t need to tell her that you used to be a guy, but tell her you want the relationship to be more equal.”

“Won’t that upset her?”

“It shouldn’t. She probably doesn’t even realize what she’s doing. From what I’ve seen, Alexis is a pretty nice person, and I think she really likes you.”

“You think so?”

Tara nodded. “A relationship should be about sharing and equality. That’s why Cari and I have lasted so long. I’m not saying that you and Alexis will last any longer than this week, but at least you should have good memories of being with her.”

Jirra smiled. “Thanks again. I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me.”

“Growing up different is never easy. I’m just glad that I can help.”

Chapter 68

Jirra walked back to her office lost in her thoughts. She really appreciated Tara’s advice and how Tara treated her like an adult.

Jirra sat down in front of her computer and started to work on the newsletter. For the most part, the newsletter was finished, with the exception of the list of the new guests.

“How’s it going, Jirra?” asked Judy, as she stuck her head into Jirra’s office.

“Almost done,” replied Jirra.

“How’s it going with Alexis?”

“No problem; Alexis is really nice,” replied Jirra.

“Glad to hear it. I have another task for you, if you’re up to it,” stated Judy.

“What’s up?”

“There’s a tourism trade conference in Albuquerque next week. I’m going down to talk to a bunch of travel agents about the spa. I’d like you to assist me.”

“Sounds like fun,” replied Jirra.

“Not really,” laughed Judy. “But, I’d love to have you with me.”

“What will I be doing?”

“You’ll be helping me hand out our information package. I also hate driving alone.” Judy then winked at Jirra.

“Well, since you put it that way, I’m definitely in!”

“Great. We’ll drive down early on Tuesday and return Wednesday evening. I expect you to dress professionally. You should bring two to three outfits, as we might be invited to a dinner reception.”

“Okay,” replied Jirra. There was a slight nervous tone to her voice.

Judy smiled. “You’ll do fine.”

“It’s a big step, but I appreciate you caring about me. Oh! I forgot, I’d better ask Mom before I say yes.”

Judy laughed. “I beat you to it, kid. She thinks it’s a wonderful idea.”

“I should have known,” replied Jirra. A big smile was on her face.

Chapter 69

Alexis was waiting outside of the dining room as Jirra walked up.

‘I was beginning to worry about you,” remarked Alexis.

“I was in a meeting with Judy,” replied Jirra. She then told Alexis about the trip to Albuquerque as they walked inside. “I’m just going along to be Judy’s assistant, but it should be fun.”

“Don’t downplay it, Jirra. Judy’s a smart businesswoman; she sees something in you.”

“I know,” replied Jirra with a smile. “What’s on the schedule for this afternoon?”

“I’d like to go biking, but first I need to take my bike in for an adjustment,” stated Alexis.

“Okay, that sounds like fun. I’ll say one thing about hanging around with you, it’s kept me in great shape.”

“You weren’t exactly out of shape to begin with.”

Jirra smiled back. “Thanks.”

They decided to go for the salad bar, and after filling their plates they sat down.

“I’m going to miss this place. I can’t believe that my two weeks is almost up,” stated Alexis.

“That reminds me. When do you want to do the big staff Q&A and autograph thing?”

“Well, I’m due to be picked up by Emily Sunday morning at ten, so how ‘bout Sunday at nine forty-five?” asked Alexis with a grin.

“Oh, that would make me real popular!”

“I’ve already talked to Judy. We’re going to have a barbecue here Saturday evening. Hannah was in on it, and we’re bringing in a steer for her to cook outside.”

“You’re kidding? A whole steer?”

“Well, not a complete steer, but there will be a lot of food. Hannah loved the idea. Besides, with all the staff, their families and the guests, we’ll need the extra food. Besides we’re in the west, roasting a cow sounds like something the Duke would do, doesn’t it?”

Jirra laughed. “Moo.”

Alexis started to giggle. “I also promised a certain editor and head writer an interview.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary, besides I already have a lot of stuff just from talking to you,” replied Jirra. “In fact, I was working on it this morning.”

“May I see it before it’s published?” asked Alexis.

“Of course,” replied Jirra.

“Do you have everything you need?”

“Well, there are a few things I’d like to talk to you about.”

“About what?”

“Us,” whispered Jirra.

Alexis smiled. “Of course, why don’t we go back to my place after lunch?”

Jirra nodded.

Chapter 70

Jirra was sitting next to Alexis on her couch.

“What’s on your mind?”

Jirra took a deep breath. “I don’t know where to begin. I do want to say that I love being with you, and what has happened between us will stay between us.”

Alexis smiled. “I know that.”

“How do you see me?”

Alexis reached over and placed her hand on the side of Jirra’s face. “I see a lovely young woman that I’m deeply attracted to and that I would love to be a part of my life.”

Jirra was taken aback by Alexis’s words. The idea of them continuing their relationship beyond Alexis’s visit hadn’t really occurred to her.

“Look, I know that you’re still in high school, but I’m still a college student. We’re not that far apart, and you’re not the typical teenager,” stated Alexis. “I sensed you were different from the moment we first met.”

Jirra swallowed hard and nodded.

“I would like us to stay at the very least good friends. You’re one of the most normal people I know,” continued Alexis.

Jirra almost choked. “Me, normal?”

“Well, I’m judging you by Hollywood standards,” replied Alexis with a wink.

Jirra nodded.

“There’s something bothering you, Jirra; what is it?”

“I don’t know how to put this. I’m afraid what I’m going to say isn’t going to come out right.”

Alexis nodded. “Go on.”

Jirra took in a deep breath and let it out. “I love being with you, and I have no regrets or doubts about my sexuality. I know that I’m a lesbian. It’s just that I’m not totally comfortable with… with the way you take control…”

Alexis sat there in silence and nodded slowly.

“I mean, it might just be because I’m new to this,” continued Jirra. “It might just be my imagination.”

“This isn’t the first time I’ve been told this,” confessed Alexis. “I’m not sure if I can change. Is that a problem?”

Jirra stared back in silence as she contemplated her answer. “I don’t know,” she replied so softly, that it was barely above a whisper. “I don’t want to hurt you, but…”

Alexis leaned over and slipped her arm around Jirra. “I understand.”

Jirra looked up with tears in her eyes. “You have no idea what being with you has meant to me.”

Alexis smiled back softly. “I think I do. I think that it might be best for both of us if we pull back.”

Jirra stared back and wiped a tear running down her cheek. “What about us being friends?”

“Oh, Jirra, don’t worry about that. We’re still friends. As for being lovers, I don’t know if I can change. I have to admit that I like being Dom.”

Jirra wiped her eyes and nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? I love that you’re being honest.”

“Thanks. You still want to go for a ride?”

“Not right now. I think I’d like to be alone for a while. Tell you what, why not call me at four and we can go for a hike.”

Jirra nodded and stood up.

“It’s okay, Jirra,” comforted Alexis, as she stood up and hugged her.

As soon as Jirra left, Alexis closed the door, sat down on the couch and began to sob.

Jirra walked slowly back to her cottage, she stopped several times and turned around. She was tempted to go back to Alexis, but she knew that she couldn’t. Instead she sought out Tara again.

Chapter 71

Jirra just about got the whole story out before the tears started up again. Tara smiled softly and slipped her arm around her.

“Did I do the right thing?” asked Jirra.

“Were you honest with her?”

Jirra nodded.

“Yes, you did the right thing.”

“I wish I could tell her that special part of the reason why, but I doubt she would believe that I used to be a guy,” continued Jirra.

“That’s a part of your life you need to guard very carefully,” stated Tara.

“I know, but I don’t like the idea of not telling someone who I’m close to. I mean, I want to live a semi-normal life and all, but I hate being secretive.”

“That will be your choice, but remember that once you tell someone, it’s not something that you can take back.”

“Are you saying it would be better not to tell someone?”

“That’ll be up to you. You must decide how important it is for someone to know all about you.”

Jirra nodded. “I was hoping that this would get easier.”

“Sorry, but life only gets more complicated.”

“Any other good news?”

Tara smiled. “Broken hearts eventually mend. Never completely, but when you find the right person, the old wounds hurt less.”

“I didn’t know you were a philosopher.”

“Oh, yes, that’s me! Jirra, you have a long life ahead of you. I know this hurts now, but it will pass.”

“Thanks for the shoulder to cry on,” replied Jirra.

“I’m always here for you, Roo.”

Jirra laughed. “You know, I don’t mind you calling me that.” She reached up and took hold of the carved kangaroo that she wore around her neck.

“As nicknames go, it’s fitting.”

“Thanks,” replied Jirra as she headed out.

Chapter 72

Jirra joined Alexis at four for a hike. Outwardly, it appeared that nothing had changed, but there was an underlying current of tension between the two. Neither said a word about it.

Jirra returned to her house for dinner. Alexis turned down the invitation for dinner.

Halfway through dinner, Liz looked over at her daughter. “Okay, what’s wrong?”

“That obvious, huh?” asked Jirra.

“Roo, the one thing that has stayed constant with you is your inability to hide your emotions from me,” stated Liz.

Jirra told her about Alexis. “Please don’t be angry with her, she didn’t force me to do anything.”

“I’m not angry at either of you. I’m just concerned for both of you.”

“I just hope we can stay friends,” added Jirra. “I really like her.”

“Give it time. You two talked it out without anger, that’s good. Alexis said that she respected your honesty, that’s also a good sign.”

Jirra nodded.

“I’m also pleased with the way you handled it.”

“I hope you don’t mind that I talked to Tara about it.”

“Heavens, no!”

Jirra let out a breath of relief.

“Roo, no teen ever goes to her parents for every problem. Lord knows I didn’t.”

Jirra laughed.

“By the way, Judy told me about the trip to Albuquerque next week. It sounds exciting.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“I made an appointment for you Monday at the DMV,” stated Liz.

“Why? Oh! You mean I have a legal status again?” asked Jirra excitedly.

Liz nodded. “I got the paperwork this afternoon. There’s a DMV book for the test on your desk.”

“Lindsey said that the test is pretty easy.”

“Here’s your new birth certificate. Surprisingly, the government wasn’t a problem about changing your name. All they care about is the paperwork being filled out properly.”

Jirra looked at the document stating her complete name, Jirra Roslyn Reid.

“So when can I get my own car?”

“Just as soon as you can afford one,” replied Liz with a smile.

“Funny.”

“Who’s joking?”

Jirra started to laugh as did Liz. It was nice ending to a rather emotional day.

Chapter 73

“It’s back,” declared Jirra as she joined her mom in the kitchen the following morning.

“Oh. You okay?”

“I guess so. I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to it.”

“You never really get used to it; it always seems to be inconvenient, but you eventually accept it as part of your life,” explained Liz. “Sort of like having a kid.” She then winked at Jirra.

“Ouch!” replied Jirra, holding her hands to her heart in mock pain.

Liz laughed. She was pleased to see that Jirra was handling this better.

“I just wish it had held off a few days; it’s just that I don’t need any more stress in my life right now.”

“Roo, there’s never a good time.”

“I’m beginning to sense that.”

“I’ll be down in Santa Fe today. I’m finishing up my course on snake bites.”

“Have a good time,” replied Jirra.

“I did learn something interesting, seventy-five percent of all snakebites occur in those aged between nineteen and thirty. Ninety-eight percent of those in that group are male.”

“So I just improved my chances of not being bitten. Finally! Something good out of my change!”

“Very funny, Roo. Here’s a couple more interesting facts: forty percent of those bitten are playing with or handling the snakes, and forty percent of all people bitten have a blood alcohol level of greater than 0.1 percent.”

“So, people shouldn’t drink and handle poisonous snakes? Shocking! Well, I just learned something new!”

Liz laughed. “Seriously, I’d like to write a small article on snake bite prevention for the newsletter.”

“Cool. That’s sounds like a great idea. I’m almost done with this edition, but I’d love to slip it in the next one.”

“Well, I’d better get going. I may be late this evening. I’ll call if I’m going to miss dinner.”

Jirra nodded. “Have a safe trip.”

Liz hugged her daughter and headed out of the house.

Jirra headed over to her office. Alexis had e-mailed her and said that she was doing yoga that morning, instead of their usual morning hike. Jirra figured it had more to do with their breakup than a yoga session, but decided not to open up fresh wounds. As it was, she was running a little ragged emotionally and didn’t need to make it worse.

Sitting down at her desk, she found the list of the next week’s guests. She pulled out her pins and added a few new states. There was a woman named Michelle from Texas, and one named Misty from Oklahoma. There was also a married couple from Washington, DC; their first names were Donna and Ed. She also noted that there was a man from Vancouver named Rich.

She finished up the newsletter and e-mailed a copy to Judy. Jirra then went for a walk. She truly missed being with Alexis, but was afraid to just walk over and knock on her door. Granted, she could do it as part of her assignment, but it didn’t feel right.

Jirra hiked up to the large boulder at the top of the hiking trail and sat down to think. She wanted to let Alexis know that there was more to her discomfort than she had told her. The conclusion she came to was dramatic, but she decided it was worth the risk, and she headed back to her cottage.

Chapter 74

An hour later she was standing outside of Alexis’s cottage. Nervously she knocked on the door. She waited a second and was tempted to walk away when she heard Alexis’s voice.

“I’ll be right there.”

The door opened and Alexis’s eyes met Jirra’s.

“Hi. Can we talk?” asked Jirra.

Alexis nodded. “Sure, come on in.”

Jirra followed and sat down on the couch. Alexis sat down across from her in a chair.

“I need to ask you a big favor. I need you to promise not to tell anyone what I’m about to tell you.”

Alexis sensed the seriousness in Jirra’s voice. She wondered what it could be. “I promise.”

Jirra stared back intently. “I wasn’t totally truthful with you. I didn’t lie about anything, but I did withhold something about me.”

“Are you okay?” asked Alexis in a concerned voice.

Jirra nodded. “My health is fine. Part of the reason why I was uncomfortable with you controlling our relationship is that…”

There was a long pause. Alexis waited patiently. She saw that Jirra was struggling to hold back her emotions.

“Go on, Jirra.”

Jirra nodded and opened up the photo album she had carried in. She passed it over to Alexis.

Alexis looked at the photos. It was Liz with a teenage boy. There were several other photos of Liz, a man, and the boy. Alexis assumed the man was Jirra’s dead father. The boy sort of looked like Jirra, and she wondered if Jirra had also lost a brother recently.

“Alexis, that’s me. I… I used to be a boy.”

Alexis stared at the photo and then at Jirra, who now had tears running down her face.

“How? Did you have SRS?”

Jirra shook her head. “I know this sounds crazy, but I was transformed.”

Alexis stared back. What Jirra was saying was unbelievable; people don’t change gender. Yet, as she compared the photos to Jirra, she saw the similarity. Jirra had the exact same freckle pattern on her arms as the boy in the photo.

Jirra then told her what had happened. She described being in the copper cauldron when the lightning bolt struck the building. Alexis listened, but her logic was telling her that Jirra must be delusional.

“Look, I know you think I’m nuts. But I wanted you to know that I’m dealing with a lot of issues. Tara says that I need to find my balance. Well, I’m nowhere near to being balanced. I accept that physically I’m female, but I don’t feel like a girl, whatever that means. I truly love you, but my physical and mental conflicts make it difficult. I also couldn’t stand the idea of hiding something from you.”

“I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to think,” replied Alexis.

“I understand. I just wanted you to know the truth. If you don’t believe me, go talk to Tara.”

Alexis nodded.

“I’ll go now. I won’t bother you anymore.”

Alexis wanted to say stay, but she didn’t. She just stared back at Jirra.

Jirra reached down and took her album from Alexis. She stood there for a moment and, having nothing else to say, she walked out.

Chapter 75

Alexis sat in her cottage thinking about what Jirra had told her. It had to be true; why would someone make up something like that? she thought. Alexis sat there until long after sunset. She finally got up and turned on a light.

She headed down to the bathhouse and was relieved to see that Tara was still in her office.

“Hi, Tara. Can we talk?”

“I was just getting ready to leave. Can it wait until the morning?” asked Tara.

Alexis shook her head. “It concerns Jirra.”

“Oh. Come on in.”

Alexis walked into Tara’s office and closed the door behind her.

“Jirra told me the most incredible story this afternoon. She said that she used to be a boy named Josh.”

Tara nodded. “It’s all true. I saw her right afterwards.”

“It’s not possible.”

Tara shrugged her shoulders. “Possible or not, it happened. Jirra must have thought it was very important to tell you.”

“How many people know?”

“Around twenty-five. We all swore an oath to protect her secret.”

“Don’t worry. The last thing I want to do is hurt her… again.”

Tara smiled. “I know that. She really likes you.”

Alexis stared back.

“Don’t worry, Alexis, I know how to protect a secret too. I’m a lesbian, and it was my decision to be out about it. It’s your right to protect your privacy. You have nothing to worry about. Jirra hasn’t told anyone else. Jirra and I have developed a bit of a bond, sort of like I’m her older sister.”

“She’s very lucky to have you. I wish I had someone like you in my life.”

“Jirra’s a good person.”

Alexis nodded. “I know. It makes so much sense now. I just don’t know what to do about it.”

“I don’t have all the answers. However, it would be unfair for you to leave here without seeking some sort of closure with Jirra.”

Tara’s advice was more like an order. Alexis knew that Tara was right.

“You’re leaving Sunday, right?”

Alexis nodded.

“Tomorrow’s Friday. Do you meditate?”

“Yes.”

“Good, I suggest that you find a good place to meditate tomorrow and the answer will come to you. It may not result in a happy ending, but you need to do something.”

“Thanks, Tara.”

“You’re welcome. By the way, a lot of my friends suspected that you were one of us,” replied Tara with a wink.

Alexis nodded. “Thanks.”

Tara watched Alexis walk away. She’s a nice girl, she thought. She could understand why Jirra was so smitten with Alexis. Jirra had to be, in order to tell her about the transformation.

Chapter 76

While the staff of the spa prepared for the barbecue, Jirra wondered if she had done the right thing, and Alexis meditated and tried to find an answer.

Jirra was lost in her thoughts, sitting out on her patio when Lindsey came up. “What’s up with you? You seem to be in a different place.”

Jirra shrugged her shoulders. “It’s a bit complicated, even by my standards.”

Lindsey laughed. “Oh look, that must be the portable barbecue pit arriving.”

Jirra looked over to where Lindsey was pointing and saw a pickup truck towing in what looked like a big black tank on wheels. Another truck was following, towing a trailer full of wood.

“Judy found this one in town. The owner wants to sell it, and Judy is considering buying it for the spa, assuming Mom likes it.”

“So does that mean that we’ll have regular barbecues here?”

Lindsey nodded. “That seems to be the plan.”

The barbecue was set up in the yard at the center of the spa. Jirra watched from the sidelines as Hannah and Lindsey inspected the unit. At the rear of the trailer was the low, square firebox. From there, heat and smoke would flow through the cylindrical “hot smoker” into the upright, rectangular “cool smoker.” The “pit” was designed to run at about 275 degrees F. in the “hot” section, and about 100 degrees less in the “cool” area. Both of the main cooking compartments had several pullout racks that would allow for the cooking of smaller pieces of meat such as sausages and chicken.

Hannah also inspected the wood and appeared to question the driver about the size of the logs. Gregory came over and talked to Hannah and the men.

Lindsey walked back over to Jirra.

“Gregory likes it and says it’s very similar to one he used to operate. The owner is willing to let us try it out this weekend.”

“Sounds great. What was the big deal with wood?”

“Mom wanted to make sure that it’s all oak and mesquite for the best smoke flavor. The rest of the wood is for the firepit; there’s nothing better than sitting around a fire after a full day of feasting!”

“How much does something like that thing cost?” asked Jirra, pointing towards the barbecue.

“A new one would run over fifteen grand; we can get this one for eight. The man wants to sell, and he’s an old family friend of Judy’s.”

“Who isn’t around here?” replied Jirra with a grin.

“Hey, you smiled!”

“Oops, I’ll get back to being sullen.”

“Please don’t. Anyway, Judy is thinking that, in addition to having barbecues here, we can cater out. It would give me a chance to run something, sort of like what you’re doing.”

“Cool,” replied Jirra.

The rest of the afternoon involved setting up of the barbecue area. Several tents were set up, along with tables and chairs. A food preparation and serving area was set up near the barbecue. Hannah took special note of the direction of the wind before picking a location for her work area.

“This looks fine, but I may move it tomorrow if the wind shifts. I’m not going to choke on smoke all afternoon!” stated Hannah to Judy.

Chapter 77

Saturday was a lovely summer day. It was warm, but not uncomfortable, and there was a feeling of excitement in the air. Judy had made the announcement that morning that to the guests and staff that the real reason for the barbecue that evening was that it would be a going away party for Alexis Eden.

Judy overheard two guests talking. One stated that she knew that she was Alexis, the actress. Judy smiled and made a note to thank Jirra and the rest of the staff for doing such a great job over the past two weeks.

Hannah was in all her glory over the preparation of the meal. Actually, she and her staff had spent the previous day preparing the meat to be cooked, along with the side dishes.

While it was called a steer barbecue, there were several other meat items on the menu besides beef, including whole turkeys and pork shoulders. All had to be marinated in a variety of spices and chiles. The turkeys and beef briskets would be slow roasted in the “hot” pit, while the pork would smoke all day in the cooler area to emerge like spiced, smoked hams.

Gregory was a great help in getting the barbecue unit ready. He had gotten up at the crack of dawn to start the fire. He agreed to tend it all day and to show both Hannah and Lindsey the tricks of the trade. Judy also watched.

“I haven’t done one of these in years. We always had one of these at the end of the roundup,” he remarked. “I’ve forgotten how much I’ve missed doing this.”

“Roundup? You were a cowboy?” asked Hannah.

“Yep! I leaned to ride and rope when I was just a kid. I worked on ranches as a teenager. I gave it up when I got married.”

“Do you miss it?” asked Judy.

Gregory tipped his hat back on his head. “Yes, Ma’am!”

Hannah laughed. “Well, we have lots of work to do. Let me know when the fire is hot enough to start cooking, Gregory. I’d like to get the pork shoulders and beef briskets in first, and the turkeys added a couple hours later. Later, I want to add the salmon fillets for just the last couple hours.”

“Salmon? At a barbecue?” asked Gregory.

Hannah nodded. “Yes, they will be rubbed with dill, mustard and white wine and done in the cool smoke, as will large chunks of extra-sharp cheddar and Swiss cheese. The salmon and cheeses are for appetizers.”

“Not exactly traditional, but it sounds delicious!” he replied, as he tended the fire.

“Lindsey, you stay out here with Gregory. The briskets and turkeys will need basting with their marinades about every 90 minutes. I need to get back to the kitchen. I’ll be back out when it’s time to start cooking the meat, but I want you to be out here to learn the whole process, since this may become yours someday.”

Lindsey smiled. “Sounds great.”

“What else do you have planned?” asked Judy.

“We’re preparing baked potatoes, fresh corn on the cob, a variety of both green and pasta salads, fresh crusty bread, and huge amounts of a fresh fruit compote. I’ve picked out several varieties of melon, oranges, kiwis, strawberries, sweet cherries, and blueberries to be served out of carved “baskets” made from scooped out watermelons. There are still those here who are on a healthy diet,” replied Hannah.

Just then a couple of Gregory’s men walked up. “Where do you want the tubs, ice, beer and soda?” they asked.

Hannah pointed to the far end of the serving table. “That should be a good place. I checked the weather and the winds aren’t going to change, so we don’t have to worry about the smoke from the barbecue choking the guests.”

“Do you need anything else?” asked Judy.

Hannah thought about it for a moment. “Just an extra twenty-four hours!”

Chapter 78

The meal went off like clockwork. Hannah and her staff managed to have everything cooked and ready as the guests and staff arrived, following the scents that had been tempting them all afternoon. To most of them, the food appeared magically and they had no clue about the amount of work that had gone into the feast. Judy did announce to the crowd that they all owed a big round of applause to Hannah, Gregory, Lindsey, and the rest of the kitchen staff for the banquet. The crowd willing obliged.

Alexis was swamped once the barbecue started. Judy had to keep the guests away from her until she’d eaten her share of the feast. The young star put on her best face and played the PR game as Emily had taught her. She suspected that she posed for a photo with everyone there.

She wanted desperately to talk to Jirra, but she couldn’t break away from the adoring multitudes.

Jirra was also anxious to talk to Alexis, but knew that this was neither the time nor the place. She hung out with Lindsey and Dave and, in spite of herself, she really enjoyed the meal.

“So, are you going to get a part in her next movie?” asked Dave.

Jirra faked a laugh. “I doubt she’ll even remember me a week from now. She’s a nice person, but we’re not exactly running in the same circles.”

“I don’t know, Jirra. You two seemed to get along quite well. I wouldn’t be surprised if she stays in touch,” stated Lindsey.

“I hope so,” replied Jirra, as she glanced over in the direction of Alexis.

Randy walked over and sat down next to Jirra. “Did you save this spot just for me?”

Jirra turned and looked blankly at him. “No.”

“Come on, babe. This playing hard to get act is getting old.” He started to put his arm around Jirra.

Jirra pushed away from him as she fought back her anger. “Don’t… call… me… babe.”

Randy laughed and leaned over and kissed her. Jirra could smell beer on his breath as she again pushed him away.

“Get off!” she exclaimed.

“Randy, knock it off,” ordered Dave angrily.

Randy stared irately at Jirra. “You must be a fuckin’ dyke!”

Several of the guests and staff in the area were turning around to watch the commotion.

“Why? Just because I won’t go out with you?” snapped back Jirra.

“I knew it! You like girls don’t you?” replied Randy.

“So, what if I do? Even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t go out with a jerk like you!” Jirra shouted back.

Randy stood up over Jirra in a threatening position. “Bitch!”

“Randy, back off,” demanded Dave, as he stood up and moved between Jirra and Dave.

“You better be careful, Dave, she might try and steal Lindsey from you!” sneered Randy.

“You’re about to lose your job,” replied Dave in a cold hard tone, “and if you don’t shut up, a few teeth.”

Randy stared at the larger man, and stomped off. Several times he looked over at Jirra with fury in his eyes.

Lindsey slid over next to Jirra. “You okay?”

Jirra nodded. “I think I just outed myself.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” replied Lindsey.

“It’s no big deal to me either. We’re still your friends.”

Jirra smiled back, and that’s when the tears started. “Oh, crap. I was hoping that I could hold them back.”

Alexis heard some of the commotion, but was too far away to hear exactly what happened. All she could see was that Jirra appeared to be crying and was being comforted by Lindsey. She was about to head over to see what had occurred when she was interrupted by one of the guests.

“Excuse me, Ms. Eden, but can I have my photo taken with you?”

Alexis smiled and nodded. “Please call me Alexis.” She glanced over her shoulder at Jirra.

The party began to slow down, and soon the only remaining people were the staff and Alexis.

A fire was burning in a firepit, providing a gentle glow. Jirra was sitting next to her mom, and Alexis figured this was a good time to try to talk to her. She walked over and was just a few yards away when Randy brushed by her. He walked right over to Jirra. Alexis could smell the alcohol on him as he passed her.

“Hey, I found this slithering around the spa, and it reminded me of you!” he bellowed. In his hands was a three-foot-long western diamondback rattlesnake. The snake, a female, was obviously irritated and was furiously shaking its tail.

Jirra froze as Randy was standing just a few feet away from her.

“What are you, fucking stupid? Get that thing out away from here!” screamed Gregory, who was standing a few feet away.

“Come on, it won’t hurt anyone,” replied Randy.

He extended his arms and held the snake out towards Jirra.

What exactly happened next was discussed in great detail later at the Caldera de Gaia Spa. Randy apparently tried to adjust his grip on the captive reptile and in an instant the snake, having enough of its captivity, twisted around and sunk her fangs into his right thumb. He screamed and shook the snake free; in doing so, it landed right in front of Alexis. The furious snake coiled and stared directly at Alexis.

“Don’t move,” ordered Gregory. He was looking around for anything to hit the snake with.

In a flash Jirra stood up and quickly grabbed one of the metal pokers that was lying next to the fire pit; she then used it to gently nudge the snake. The snake turned away from Alexis and, sensing a chance to escape, moved away into the dark.

Gregory had grabbed a shovel from near the barbecue pit and was about to whack the snake.

“Don’t! It’s not hurting anyone,” yelled Alexis.

Gregory put the shovel down and watched the snake depart the area.

Randy was sitting down on the bench near the fire and moaning. “I’m dying!”

Liz was examining his hand. “Stop fidgeting. You’re not going to die.”

“It hurts!” whimpered Randy.

“Serves him right,” mumbled Gregory.

“Judy would you call the EMTs? Gregory, please give me a hand, we’ll move him to the clinic. If we’re lucky, it was a dry bite.”

Gregory scooped up the teenager in his arms. Liz held his hand and kept it lower than his chest.

“Aren’t you going to suck the poison out?” cried Randy.

Liz rolled her eyes. “It’ll be okay.”

The snake escaped from the scene and slipped silently back into the brush outside the spa.

“What a jackass,” stated Lindsey as she watched them cart Randy away.

“I’ll call his parents,” stated Dave.

“I’ll take you to the office,” offered Lindsey.

As if by magic, Jirra and Alexis were alone.

Alexis stared at Jirra in the firelight. “Thanks.”

“You would have done it for me,” replied Jirra.

“Still, it was very brave.”

Jirra broke out a small smile. “I’ve been trying to talk to you all day.”

“Same here,” replied Alexis.

“You finally got to see your snake,” added Jirra.

Alexis laughed. “True, but I didn’t have my camera.”

Jirra giggled.

“You want to go somewhere and talk?”

Jirra nodded. “My cottage is nearby.”

Alexis nodded in agreement. “Sounds good.”

Chapter 79

A few minutes later, they were in Jirra’s kitchen. Alexis sat down at the kitchen table, and Jirra put the kettle on the stove.

“I talked to Tara,” announced Alexis. “She’s a wise woman.”

Jirra nodded as she set two mugs on the table.

“I can’t imagine how hard it has been for you, Jirra.”

“I still have a hard time believing it happened,” replied Jirra as she set the box of teas on the table, along with sugar and milk.

“It does clear up a lot of things,” stated Alexis. She went on to tell Jirra some of the little things she’d noticed.

“Are they that noticeable?” asked Jirra, as she poured the hot water into the mugs.

“No, not really. I guess I observed them because I’m an actress. You have to learn to study body language in my line of work.”

Jirra nodded. “That makes sense.”

There was a long silence as neither one wanted to speak first. The only sound was the tinkling of the teaspoons against the mugs.

“Enough beating around the bush, I’m sorry for the way I acted,” apologized Alexis.

“I’m sorry too.”

“I don’t want this to just end. My feelings for you are the same,” continued Alexis.

Jirra nodded.

“For now, let’s just be friends. I think we both need time to think about whether or not it goes further.”

“I really want to stay friends with you.”

Alexis smiled. “I’m so happy to hear that.”

“Besides, this would make for a really complicated relationship,” added Jirra. “I mean, you’re trying to stay in the closet, and I have a rather unique background. I don’t think we’d want the tabloids looking at us in great detail.”

“True.”

“What’s more, you’re going to be all over the world making movies, and I’ll be going to college next year,” continued Jirra.

“It would bring new meaning to a long distance relationship. It makes good sense for us not to be in a relationship,” concluded Alexis.

There was another long silence.

“I know it makes total sense, but why does it feel so bad?” asked Jirra.

“I know. It’s not fair,” replied Alexis.

They looked at each other. Alexis reached out and was about to take Jirra’s hand, instead she stopped halfway. Sensing what was happening; Jirra reached over and took Alexis’s hand.

“See? I can do equality,” stated Alexis with a smile.

Jirra laughed.

They looked into each other’s eyes and started to lean over to kiss when they heard the front door open. They pulled back, and Alexis winked at Jirra, who began to giggle.

“I’m home,” announced Liz.

“We’re in the kitchen, Mom,” replied Jirra. “How’s Randy?”

“He’ll be fine,” replied Liz. “Oh, hi Alexis.”

“Hi, Liz.”

“You want some tea, Mom?” asked Jirra.

“That sounds wonderful,” replied Liz as she sat down.

“How bad was the bite?” asked Alexis.

“Not bad. It looks like it was Randy’s lucky night; the bite appears to have been dry. They’re keeping him in the hospital overnight for observation.”

“I guess those statistics were pretty accurate,” added Jirra.

“Lindsey and Dave told me what Randy did to you earlier. Judy is furious and, while she’s relieved that he’s going to be okay, she’s ordered Dave to tell Randy that he’s not allowed back at the spa. Dave told her it wouldn’t be a problem as he was recommending that his dad fire Randy for what he said to you.”

“Am I in trouble?” asked Jirra, as she sipped her tea.

“No, of course not, dear. You did nothing wrong.”

Jirra smiled back.

“So, how’re things between you two?”

“Better,” replied Jirra.

“Yes, much better,” added Alexis.

“I told her everything, Mom.”

“I thought so. I trust your opinion. I just want you to be happy, Roo,” replied Liz.

“Roo?” asked Alexis, as she stared at Jirra. “So much for telling me everything!”

Jirra began to blush, as she hastily explained her name’s origin and the source of her nickname. That caused both of them to start giggling.

“Well, I’d better get going. I have to pack. I’ll see you in the morning,” stated Alexis as she stood up.

Jirra walked her to the door, and they hugged each other goodnight.

Chapter 80

Jirra and Liz walked up to the dining room together for the staff breakfast. Judy met them as they walked in.

“I just got off the phone with the hospital; Randy should be released this morning. Just as you suspected, Liz, it was a dry bite,” stated Judy.

“That’s good to hear,” replied Liz.

“Thankfully, no guests were there when it happened, other than Alexis. She’s already told me that she doesn’t hold us responsible for what happened. In fact, she was pleased with your fast action, Jirra, and that the snake wasn’t harmed,” continued Liz.

“It did bite Randy,” noted Jirra.

“Yes, but I’m sure it’ll survive,” Judy replied with a wink.

“Won’t the guests hear about the snakebite?”

“Yes, I’m sure they will. I’m instructing everyone to say that one of the employees did encounter a snake last night and that he tried to catch it. That’s how he was bitten.”

Jirra smiled. “Well, it’s sort of the truth. The next newsletter will have an article on snakes in it.”

“Good, but why don’t you write it out as a special notice, and we’ll distribute it to all the guests. That’ll make my insurance company happy. Just make sure you tell the guests that snakebites are rare,” instructed Judy.

“I’ll have it to you this afternoon,” replied Jirra.

“Excellent, that’s what I like about you, Jirra; you’re so hardworking.”

“I’m going to spend the rest of the afternoon studying for my driving test, and before you make any jokes, I had my license back in PA.”

“That’s right; you’re going down tomorrow to take the test.”

Jirra nodded. She then saw Alexis walking towards them. She was dressed in a white silk blouse and khaki slacks. Her hair was not in its usual ponytail and was styled instead. She was also wearing makeup. She looked as if she was going to an audition.

“Good morning,” she greeted them. “Emily will probably have a photographer with her, so I need to dress the part.”

“We truly enjoyed your visit here. I wish all our guests were as nice,” stated Judy.

Jirra winked at Alexis, who laughed.

“I wish I could stay longer, but shooting starts this week for my new movie. I will be back though.” She glanced over at Jirra.

“You’re always welcome,” replied Judy.

They talked for a few minutes before heading inside for the breakfast buffet.

Chapter 81

After breakfast Jirra walked back with Alexis to her cottage.

Alexis’s bags were lined up next to the front door. “Judy’s sending down a cart to get them.” She then looked around the cottage and sighed. “I’ll miss this place.”

“When do you leave for Crete?” asked Jirra.

“Not for a few weeks, even though they’ve moved up production. The studio has decided to make this movie their next big production and they don’t want to wait until next year. We’re doing some of the initial shots in the studio.”

“I’m looking forward to seeing it.”

“It won’t win any awards, but it’ll bring in big crowds at the multiplex, and make lots of money.”

“I don’t care.”

Alexis smiled back. “I wish we had more time.”

Jirra nodded.

“I have your address and e-mail, and you have mine. Feel free to write me anytime.”

Jirra nodded. She started to say something, but the words wouldn’t come out. She gently bit her lower lip and began to sniffle.

“Hey — hey, don’t start that. You’ll get me crying too, and it’ll ruin my makeup,” replied Alexis with a smile, as she reached over and touched the side of Jirra’s face.

Jirra nodded and did her best to hold in her emotions. “I’ll save the tears for later.”

“Thanks,” replied Alexis.

“Oh, I bought this for you as going away gift. It’s not much, but it has even more significance after last night,” stated Jirra as she pulled a small box from her fanny pack.

Alexis smiled and opened up the box. Inside was a silver and turquoise ring. Around the ring was carved a small rattlesnake.

“I got it before the ruckus last night,” added Jirra.

“I love it,” replied Alexis, who slipped it on one of fingers. “I have a going away gift for you, but it isn’t here yet. It should arrive in the next few days.”

“What is it?” asked Jirra.

“Not telling! It’s a surprise.”

Jirra smiled. “Okay.”

They watched as an electric cart drove up. It was driven by one of the front desk employees. Alexis pointed out her bags, and he loaded them on the cart.

“Just take them up to the front deck, I’ll walk up there,” stated Alexis.

Jirra and Alexis walked slowly up to the main building. Neither said a word.

When they reached the main building, they saw a stylishly dressed woman talking to Judy.

“Is that Emily?” asked Jirra.

Alexis nodded. “Yes.”

“Well, just look at you! You look fantastic, Alexis,” exclaimed Emily.

“Good to see you, Emily. This place is fantastic! Oh, this is Jirra,” replied Alexis.

Emily smiled and shook hands with Jirra. “I’ve heard wonderful things about you.”

Jirra smiled back. “Thank you. I had a great time being with Alexis.”

“Alexis, we need to get going,” noted Emily. “We have enough time for a couple of quick photos.”

Alexis rolled her eyes and turned to Jirra. “Told you she was bringing a photographer.”

“We should get one with you and Jirra, also one with Judy,” stated Emily, ignoring Alexis’s remarks.

Jirra looked over at Alexis in horror. “I’m not exactly dressed for a photo.” She was wearing khaki shorts, sandals, and a floral top with her nametag.

“You look great, Jirra,” interjected Emily.

The photographer positioned Jirra and Alexis so that the hills were in the background. He took several photos of them together. He then brought in Judy and repeated the process. Then he took several more photos of Alexis by herself.

“Good, that should cover it. We’ll send you copies,” explained Emily.

“Oh! I never gave you a copy of the article,” stated Jirra to Alexis. “I’ll be right back!” She then darted off to her office, where she printed off a copy; she then ran back.

“You could have just e-mailed it to me,” replied Alexis with a laugh.

“Let me know if you want me to make any changes,” explained Jirra.

“Jirra, you’ll never be a reporter with that attitude! Imagine, actually caring about what the person you interviewed thinks about the article!” replied Alexis. She then winked at Jirra.

“Hey, you’re my first interview,” replied Jirra. “I’ll do better next time.”

Alexis scanned the article. It was very well written and focused on Alexis’s love of nature. “This is very good,” stated Alexis, and she handed it to Emily.

Emily read the article. “You say you want to be a writer? I’d say you’re well on your way.”

Jirra began to blush. “Thanks.”

“Alexis, dear, you have a flight to catch,” stated Emily.

“Okay. I’ll meet you in the car,” stated Alexis. “I want to say goodbye to Jirra.”

Emily nodded and walked towards the limo with the photographer. “Don’t take too long,” she reminded.

“Well, it was a very eventful two weeks. I promise to keep in touch,” stated Alexis.

“I’ll write too, although my letters won’t be as exciting as yours.”

Alexis nodded and then reached over and pulled Jirra next to her. She then gave her a long goodbye hug.

“Take care, Roo,” whispered Alexis as she walked away.

“Bye.”

Jirra watched Alexis enter the limo. She waved as it pulled away from the curb and drove off. She watched until it was out of sight; then she walked back to her cottage and sat down and cried.

Chapter 82

After lunch, Jirra sat down at her office desk and typed out the snake article. She found a couple of good photos from the net and pasted them into the article. It looked pretty good, and she dropped it off in Judy’s in-box.

She then sat down and began to study her driving manual. All she had to do was take the written test and the driving test. She had already completed the online course and had watched a required video.

Jirra wasn’t that worried, as she had been driving for two years. It would have been easier to just transfer her old license if she hadn’t had a gender transformation. Jirra wondered what they would do if she showed them her old license and started to laugh.

“Jirra is that you?” asked Judy from the hall.

“Yes, I’m here,” she called out.

“Good. I was hoping you’d be here. The snake warning is excellent. I’ll have them put in all the rooms.”

“Thanks, Mom wrote most of it.”

“Speaking of writing, your interview with Alexis was superb.”

“Do you want it in the next newsletter?” asked Jirra.

“Yes, and I’ve taken the liberty to submit it to the local paper, along with a few photos from the barbecue.”

“What?”

“They were thrilled and will publish it this week. It’ll do wonders for us in terms of walk-up day business,” continued Judy.

“They’re actually going to print it? In a real newspaper?” asked a shocked Jirra.

“That’s what they told me. It gets better; you’re going to be paid for it.”

“No way!”

Judy laughed. “Way!”

Jirra shook her head in disbelief. “They’d better not change a thing!”

“They won’t. I know the editor; he’s an old family friend, and he wouldn’t dare change it.”

“Thank you, Judy.”

“Oh, you also got a bonus from Emily,” stated Judy, as she handed Jirra a check. “She dropped off a stack of checks for the staff.”

Jirra stared at the check. “Did you see this?”

Judy nodded.

“I can’t take this,” replied Jirra as she handed the check back.

Judy refused to take it. “You earned this, even if you don’t think of it as work. Emily paid you, not Alexis; I doubt if Alexis even knew she did it.”

Jirra stared at the check. “I’ll put it in my college fund.”

“I’m proud to hear you say that. Two thousand dollars is a lot of money.”

“I still feel guilty about taking it.”

“Don’t. Emily will write it off as a business expense. Look, I’m not oblivious to the fact that you and Alexis became more than just friends. Don’t think of this as a payoff; think of it as gift.”

Jirra nodded and continued to stare at the check.

“If it makes you feel any better, Cari and Tara got checks for two hundred each.”

“Is that common?”

“With the rich and famous it is.”

“Really?”

“You have a lot to learn, Jirra. We’ll have a nice long talk on the way down to Albuquerque.”

Jirra smiled.

“Now get back to studying! I don’t want to have to do all the driving,” instructed Judy.

“Yes, Boss!”

Chapter 83

“Okay, Miss, that was very good. Follow me back inside, and we’ll take your photo for your license. I have to admit that I’m a little surprised that you never had a license until now,” stated the driving instructor.

“We lived outside the country,” replied Jirra. It wasn’t a total lie, she thought.

“That explains it. I wish all you kids would wait until you were eighteen,” he replied.

Jirra was too elated to argue. She gave her mom the thumbs up as she came back inside.

Thirty minutes later, they were sitting in a diner having lunch. Jirra was staring at her new license.

“It’s so strange to see my complete female name and my gender on something official,” she noted. “It’s another part of my old life disappearing”

“Not disappearing, changing. These are necessary changes, Roo.”

“I know, but it still feels strange. I liked who I was.”

“Part of growing up is changing. Granted, for you it has been more dramatic, but even if you hadn’t changed gender, you still would have become different from the person you were. Does that make sense?”

“I think so, although I’m not going to try to make you say that again.”

“I appreciate that,” replied Liz with a grin.

Jirra picked up her license and slipped it into her wallet.

Chapter 84

Jirra got up early to shower and dress. Judy had told her that they would be going directly to a meeting once they arrived in Albuquerque.

She put on her bra and panties and struggled with a pair of pantyhose. She remembered how Mom had told her to put them on, and she rolled them up to the toe and slipped them on.

Jirra then applied her makeup. As she applied eyeshadow, she wondered what her friends back in PA would think. Boys don’t use makeup, but I’m not a boy anymore, so it should be okay, right? She stopped, took a breath to clear her mind, and started on the other eye.

She nervously ran her lipstick across her lips. While she wasn’t happy about using makeup, she still wanted it to look presentable. She puckered her lips and stared back at her reflection in the mirror. Reluctantly, she had to admit that she looked pretty good.

Her outfit was lying on the bed and, satisfied with her makeup; she got up and finished getting dressed. The outfit was a skirt, blouse, and jacket. For shoes she went with a pair of flats. The jacket and skirt were light tan in color and her blouse was white. It looked plain, but professional.

Next she put on a couple of her silver rings and a bracelet. She remembered to switch to her more formal wristwatch. She was still wearing her kangaroo charm around her neck, which was something that she had no intention of taking off.

Jirra looked at herself in the mirror one last time before going out to the kitchen.

“Roo, you look fantastic,” complimented Liz.

“Thanks, Mom,” replied Jirra.

“Your makeup skills have really come around. I’m very impressed.”

Jirra smirked.

Liz smiled. “I know, I know, just another thing that I never thought I’d be saying to you. Well, here’s something that I never get tired of saying to you; I’m so proud of you, Roo.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“What time is Judy expecting you?”

“I have thirty minutes, just enough time to grab a quick bite to eat.”

“I’m making some scrambled eggs.”

“Hmm, sounds perfect,” replied Jirra. “I’ll set the table.”

Over breakfast Liz and Jirra talked about school.

“I’ve filed the appropriate paperwork with the local school district. They’re not totally pleased that you aren’t attending, but they understand.”

“Why would they care?” asked Jirra, as she carefully sipped her OJ.

“I think their noses are out of joint because none of the children of the permanent spa staff are attending their schools.”

“Oh.”

“I told them that you were only a few general credits away from graduating and that you were considering attending college early.”

“I would if I was accepted at one,” added Jirra.

Liz smiled. “I mainly told them that to cut the legs out from under their argument. Now, since you brought it up, I want you to start applying to colleges, as Jirra.”

“Are my records changed?”

“No. Our lawyer will provide a letter stating that you have recently undergone gender reassignment.”

“That’ll be a quick way to get rejected.”

“Don’t count on it. What schools do you really want to attend?”

“You mean the ones that I want to attend, or the ones we can afford?”

Liz smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

Jirra began to list several universities.

“Okay, you realize that most of those schools have a liberal leaning. I don’t think the fact that you’d be identified as transgendered would bother them. In fact, it might help you.”

“So they have a freak quota?” asked Jirra. She then smiled. “Sorry, that was supposed to be a joke.”

“It wasn’t a very good one.”

“I know. Okay, I’ll start reapplying when I get back from the trip.”

“Just out of curiosity, what is your dream school?”

“Penn.”

“Granddad’s school.”

Liz’s father had attended Penn as both an undergraduate and for his medical degree. He had wanted Liz to follow in his footsteps, but she’d wanted to get accepted into a college based on her own strength and not because she was the daughter of a graduate. This caused a major fight between the two of them and was a major contributing reason for Liz applying for an Army scholarship to attend medical school at USC. They had stayed estranged until Josh had been born.

Realizing what he had been missing, he’d reestablished ties between himself and Liz. He’d admitted that he was a pigheaded fool, and Liz agreed. This led to a major reconciliation. Liz had been extremely happy that he was back in her life. He had died of a heart attack six years ago.

“That’s not the reason why I want to go there.”

“I know, Roo.”

“I know it’s out of our reach, but you did ask me my number one choice — besides, it’s in Philly.”

“Why on earth would you want to go back there? What’s back there that’s not out here?”

“Good pizza, cheesesteaks, and the Eagles!”

Liz laughed.

“I know it’s not fem or anything like that, but I still want to watch football,” continued Jirra.

“That’s a rather sexist attitude, Roo. I like football.”

“True,” replied Jirra. “I was just thinking of Lindsey. I promised her I’d teach her about the game.”

Liz smiled. “Good for you. Well, you’d better get going. You don’t want to keep Judy waiting!”

Jirra nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Liz stood up and hugged Jirra. “Press on, Roo.”

“I love you, Mom.”

Chapter 85

Judy let Jirra drive the initial part of the trip. Judy’s SUV wasn’t that different from the Land Rover, so Jirra had no trouble with it.

“Our first meeting is with a bunch of Southern California travel agents. We really need the guests from there for the spa to succeed.”

“So what do you want me to do?”

“I’ll need you to carry the information packets.”

“That’s it?”

“No. If they ask you questions, answer them!” replied Judy with a smile. “You know the spa as well as anyone.”

“Are you going to mention that Alexis was our guest?”

“Yes. Emily has okayed us to use Alexis’s name in promotion.”

“Does name dropping really help?”

“It can, depending on the name,” replied Judy.

Jirra nodded. “Are there any other celebrities coming to Caldera de Gaia anytime soon?”

“We’ve had a few inquiries,” replied Judy.

“Cool!”

Judy laughed. “I have to admit that it is pretty cool myself.”

For the rest of the trip, Judy passed on some of her business knowledge to Jirra.

They arrived in Albuquerque on time and pulled into the resort.

“Our first appointment is in thirty minutes; we have just enough time to check into our rooms,” announced Judy.

They had adjoining rooms and, after hanging up their outfits, Judy checked out Jirra’s appearance.

“Very nice. Just freshen up your lipstick before we leave the room,” Judy commented.

Jirra nervously reapplied her lipstick. She was suddenly filled with a sense of dread, and she tried to shake it off.

The travel agents were in a small conference room. It had a TV and a VCR for showing promotional videos.

Judy and Jirra walked in and, while Judy set up the video, Jirra handed out information packages.

Jirra noted with pleasure that the travel agents seemed to be impressed with the video.

When the video was over, Judy addressed them and began to answer any questions.

“In the packages you were given by my assistant, Jirra, you’ll find a coupon for a complimentary weekend visit to Caldera de Gaia,” stated Judy.

This obviously pleased the agents, just as Judy had told Jirra it would.

As the presentation progressed, Jirra felt the dread returning. She couldn’t explain it, but she began to feel very nervous. As soon as the presentation ended, Jirra excused herself and stepped outside.

Judy came up next to her. “You okay?”

Jirra shook her head. “I felt a little panicky in there. It was as if everyone in there knew that I had been a guy. I know it’s silly.”

“It’s not silly. This is the first time that you’ve had to face people in a formal situation as a woman. I should have thought about that.”

“It’s okay, Judy. I may not be totally comfortable, but I need to do this. I’m not going to hide.”

Judy smiled. “Good for you. Well, come on, we need to get ready for the next group.”

As Jirra returned to the conference room, Judy watched her carefully. Maybe this was a mistake, she thought. It was a lot to ask of Jirra, as she wasn’t that used to being dressed up.

The next couple of presentations went very well, and Judy was pleased to see that Jirra was opening up and talking to the guests.

“Well, that’s the last group for today,” announced Judy. “I think we knocked them dead.”

“I agree,” replied Jirra.

“How’re you doing?” asked Judy.

Jirra waved her hand back and forth. “As long as I was busy, it wasn’t a problem. But whenever someone stared at me a little too long, I began to feel nervous inside, as if they were about to discover my secret. It’s stupid, but I can’t help it.”

“Tell you what, let’s order room service and stay in tonight, would you like that?”

Jirra nodded. “You don’t mind?”

“Mind? Not at all,” replied Judy.

“Can we order a pizza?” asked Jirra with a smile.

“Depends, what do you like on your half?” asked Judy as they walked towards the elevator.

“Pepperoni and extra cheese,” replied Jirra.

“I like ‘shrooms and sausage,” declared Judy.

“That’s what Mom likes.”

“I know. We split a lot of pizzas in college.”

“What was Mom like back then?” asked Jirra.

Judy slipped her arm around Jirra’s shoulders. “Oh, Jirra, Liz may never forgive me for this, but I have some great stories to tell you.”

Chapter 86

Jirra was sitting cross-legged on the bed, with an open pizza box next to her. Judy was sitting in a chair next to her. She had changed into shorts and a t-shirt.

“I had no idea that Mom was that wild,” stated Jirra as she picked up another slice of pizza.

“It was controlled. Her main focus was on getting her education,” noted Judy.

Jirra picked up on the hint. “I fully plan to go to college.”

“Good. I think it’s a great idea that you’re finishing high school at the spa, but you need to be out in the world too. There’s no better place than college.”

“After what happened at the barbecue, I’m definitely glad that I won’t be going to the local high school. I’m sure by now the word’s out that I’m a lesbian.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. You’re going to run into jerks like Randy no matter where you go. So what do you need to graduate?”

“The only class that I actually need to complete is a state history class. Mom talked to the school, and they’ll give me credit if I do one of two things: either complete an online course, or write a research paper on some aspect of New Mexico history.”

“Which one are you going to do?” asked Judy as she got up to take a slice of pizza.

“The online course is supposed to take eight to ten hours and sounds very tedious. So, I’m going to write the paper. I have to submit my topic in September.”

“Do you have an idea for the topic?”

Jirra nodded. “The ancient native tribes of New Mexico, that way I have an excuse to go to some of the sites. It was either that or UFO’s.”

“You should do Roswell. I have an uncle who lived there when the crash occurred.”

“No way!”

Judy nodded as she ate some pizza. “He still lives down there, waiting for them to return.”

“Sounds a little strange.”

“Oh, he’s not crazy or anything. Last year he made six-figures selling t-shirts and giving tours to tourists!”

Jirra laughed. “Maybe I should do my paper on your family; it sounds like they’ve been involved in almost every aspect of New Mexico history.”

“We don’t go back that far. But we’ve managed to have family members at many of the most significant moments of the state’s history.”

“Did any of them know Billy the Kid?” asked Jirra.

Judy nodded. “We had family members in the Lincoln County War. They fought on the side with William Bonney.”

“Seriously, have you ever considered doing a family history? You could sell it in the gift shop.”

“I’ll tell you what; as soon as you get your degree, I’ll commission you to write it.”

“Deal! So tell me about Billy the Kid!”

Chapter 87

The second day of the presentations went quickly and by mid-afternoon Judy and Jirra were driving north to Caldera de Gaia.

“I think we did pretty well. The travel magazine writer has already made a reservation for next month,” stated Judy.

“I felt a little more at ease today,” added Jirra.

“I noticed.”

“Was it that obvious?”

“It was obvious to me that you were a little nervous. I seriously doubt anyone would know why.”

“Something new to balance,” muttered Jirra.

“What was that?”

“Oh, sorry. Tara told me that her grandmother says that I need to reestablish a balance in my life. Right now I feel like I’m on a see-saw.”

“Tara’s right. It’ll take time, but I have no doubt that you’ll find it.”

“What makes it so hard is that I can’t talk to anyone else who has had a similar experience. I mean, accidental gender changes aren’t that common.”

Judy laughed. “That may be true, but I’ve read articles on people who have had forced gender changes. I can’t remember the exact circumstances, but it was related to the sex-slave trade.”

“What happened to them?” asked Jirra. Her voice showed her excitement at the prospect of not being alone.

“I wish I could remember. It was last year, and there was a story about a large combined police and federal raid. They arrested the people who were responsible and recovered many of the transformed teens. I remember something about the teens getting special medical treatment and therapy.”

“Well, I have something to research,” remarked Jirra. “I’m just curious about what they’re doing to help them adjust.”

“I hope you find it,” replied Judy. “By the way, do you feel nervous at the spa?”

“No, not really. I think it may be because I’m in shorts and a shirt, I mean blouse, there. It’s not that big of a departure from male clothes.”

“Good, that means it’s a matter of getting used to it. Soon wearing a skirt and blouse will seem normal.”

Jirra glanced at Judy. “You think so?”

Judy nodded.

“I guess anything is possible.”

Chapter 88

They arrived home just around dinner time. Jirra had phoned ahead and talked to Liz, who said that they had been invited to dinner with Lindsey and her parents.

“I’m starving. I can’t wait to see what Hannah has prepared for dinner,” exclaimed Jirra.

“I was definitely lucky to get her. We’ve gotten nothing but raves from the guests about her cooking.”

“Lindsey’s pretty good too,” added Jirra.

Judy nodded in agreement. “I’ve already talked to some friends regarding her.”

“By the way, thank you for taking me along on this trip. I learned a lot,” stated Jirra.

“Then the trip truly was a success,” replied Judy. “Now, let’s go eat.”

Liz gave Jirra a huge hug as soon as they arrived.

“I missed you, Roo.”

“Thanks, Mom,” replied Jirra. She could feel her face turning red.

“By the way, your article was in the paper today,” continued Liz.

“Really? Do you have a copy?” asked Jirra.

“A copy? I have a dozen,” replied Liz. She handed Jirra the paper.

The article was on the third page. Jirra’s eyes were locked in on seeing her name in print. The paper described her as the Caldera de Gaia public relations spokesperson.

Cody began to fill glasses with champagne and began passing them out. He even gave one to both Lindsey and Jirra.

“It’s okay. Besides, it is a special occasion,” he explained, “and it’s only one glass each.”

Hannah, Lindsey, Liz, Cody, and Judy all raised their glasses to Jirra.

“To your first, and definitely not last, thing in print!” toasted Cody.

Jirra smiled back and touched her glass to the others. She had tasted champagne a few times at family celebrations and had always thought it had a wonderful taste. She decided right then, as she sipped her champagne, that this would be her drink of choice. Besides, it seemed a fitting drink for a writer!

“Thank you,” replied Jirra. “Hmmm, that’s really tasty.”

“Just remember that you’re underage,” reminded Liz with a wink.

Jirra smiled and re-read the article. To her delight, they hadn’t changed a thing. It was pretty cool seeing something she’d written in a real newspaper, even the dinky local one.

“Well, I’d better get back to the food. Cody, please check and baste the stuff on the grill,” ordered Hannah.

Cody nodded.

“What’s for dinner?” asked Judy.

“We’re having Chinese tonight. Liz was complaining that this is probably the only town in the country with no Chinese take-out place, so I’m trying to fill a need,” Hannah said with a grin.

“Great! I’ve been missing Chinese too!” Jirra stated with enthusiasm.

The appetizer was steamed dumplings filled with shrimp and mushrooms, and Jirra loved the taste when she followed Cody’s advice to top each mouthful with just a drop of Chinese hot oil and a couple drops of rice vinegar.

For the main course, Hannah had marinated baby back ribs with ginger, garlic, and hot pepper flakes, mixed with soy sauce, Hoisin, honey, and lime juice. These were accompanied by a stir-fry of broccoli florets and Lo Mein noodles with onions and peanuts in a garlicky sauce.

As she was serving coffee after dinner, Hannah explained that she’d been unable to come up with a Chinese dessert, not even fortune cookies. “So,” she said, grinning, “you’ll just have to put up with Lindsey’s ‘when-in-doubt’ dessert.”

That turned out to be fresh baked brownies with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. No one complained.

Jirra told Lindsey about the trip to Albuquerque after dinner.

“Too bad you’re not Scottish; then you could just think that your skirt is a kilt,” stated Lindsey.

“Okay, then how do I rationalize makeup?”

“Hmm. Oh, I know; you can think that you’re an actor. Male actors wear makeup.”

“Great plan, so I should think of myself as a Scottish actor the next time I’m having a panic attack?”

Lindsey started giggling and Jirra joined her. Their laughter caught the attention of the others.

“What’s so funny?” asked Liz.

Jirra tried to explain what was making them laugh, and all Liz could do was shake her head.

Overall, it had been a good day, thought Jirra.

Chapter 89

Two days later, Jirra was working on the latest newsletter when Judy walked into her office.

“I just signed for a package for you,” she announced.

“A package for me?” asked Jirra. There was a confused look on her face.

“Yes, it’s in my office.”

Jirra got up and then it hit her; it must be from Alexis. She walked over to Judy’s office and looked at the box. It was from Dell. She immediately opened it up and pulled out a brand new laptop computer.

“Very nice,” commented Judy.

Jirra found a note from Alexis with the computer. “Check your e-mail, Roo!”

She carried the computer back to her office and checked her mail. Sure enough, there was a new e-mail from Alexis.

“How’d she do that?” asked Jirra.

“She probably checked with the shipper, and she sent this as soon as she knew the package arrived,” explained Judy.

Jirra opened up the mail.

“Dear Roo, I figured you could use the new laptop to assist you on your way to becoming an award winning writer. It has everything loaded into it already, including wireless access. I have a slightly older model and love it. Please write back! Leaving for Crete next week. Love, Alexis.”

Jirra typed out a reply.

“Dear Alexis, Thank you very much. I won’t let you down! Will write you a longer letter later. Love, Jirra.”

“She also included a nice leather case to go with it, very thoughtful,” stated Judy.

“Yes, she is,” replied Jirra.

Chapter 90

Jirra sought out Lindsey during one of her breaks and told her about the computer.

“That’s so cool,” replied Lindsey.

“I heard that there’s a new coffee house in town. You want to go check it out?” asked Jirra.

“Maybe later. I get off in an hour, and I was hoping to see Dave.”

“How’s it going between you two?”

“Good. Unfortunately, he leaves for college in three weeks.”

“Why so soon?” asked Jirra.

“He has to go through orientation and all that stuff. Just like what we’ll be doing next year, right?”

Jirra nodded. “I hope so.”

“Tell you what, why don’t we meet you down there? I’ll call you if we can’t make it.”

“Okay, that sounds good.”

Jirra swung by the clinic. Liz had just finished treating a guest for sunburn. Jirra showed her the computer.

“Mom, can I borrow the car? I want to go into town.”

Liz smiled. She was pleased that Jirra wanted to go into the town. “Sure. Just be back for dinner.”

“I will. Do you need anything?” asked Jirra.

“No, I don’t think so. Have a good time.”

Jirra headed out of the spa grounds and drove towards town. She turned on the CD player and was greeted by the B-52s singing about Planet Claire.

“Mom better never complain about my music!” she stated aloud as she listened to her mom’s CD.

Jirra then remembered how Dad had made funny faces during the song Rock Lobster. He had always kidded Mom about her taste in music, but it was good natured. Jirra scanned ahead to that song and smiled as it started to play.

Jirra drove the Land Rover into town and parked near the coffee house. It looked like a nice place. The building was brick and looked old. There was a plaque stating that it had been the first hardware store in town and had been built in 1892. She was pleased to see that they were advertising free WiFi.

She got a cappuccino and sat down in an oversized armchair. The coffee shop was empty, and she settled into her chair and sipped her cappuccino. Next, she turned on her new computer and accessed her email and wrote a more detailed letter to Alexis.

Jirra tried not to be overly emotional, but she had to tell Alexis how much she meant to her.

Next, Jirra began to research online for the police case that Judy had been talking about. She was soon lost in her own world as she sought out the story.

Jirra didn’t notice the two girls who sat down across from her. One was a blonde and the other was a brunette.

“Excuse me, but are you from the spa?” asked the blonde.

Jirra looked up from her computer. “Yes.”

“I thought so; you looked like the girl Randy told us about.”

“We just want you to know that we don’t want your kind hanging out here,” stated the other girl.

“My kind?” asked Jirra.

“Yes, we don’t want… lesbians here,” answered the blonde. She said lesbians like it was a dirty word.

“This is OUR town, and we don’t want your kind of perversion here,” added the brunette.

“It’s a free county,” replied Jirra angrily.

“If you don’t leave, we’ll make trouble for you,” sneered the blonde.

“You’re so lucky that Randy saved you from that snake in the first place,” added the brunette.

“What? That idiot threatened me with the snake. If he hadn’t been drunk, it wouldn’t have bit him in the first place!” retorted Jirra.

“We don’t want you hitting on us either,” remarked he blonde.

“Don’t worry, I have my standards,” retorted Jirra. She forced a very sweet smile onto her face.

“Fuck you, you dyke bitch!” snapped back the blonde.

“Hey, knock it off,” boomed a male voice.

Jirra turned around and saw a short stocky guy, with dark brown hair, a goatee, and wire frame glasses. His nametag said his name was Barrett.

“That’s right, Barrett, throw her out of here,” demanded the blonde.

“I wasn’t talking to her; I was talking to you, Tina, and your equally disruptive friend,” he replied.

“What? Why us? Can’t you see what she is?”

Barrett looked at Jirra and smirked. “All I see is someone trying to work on her computer and peacefully drinking her coffee, who is suddenly being harassed by two other women who, by the way, haven’t bought a thing.”

The blonde, Tina, stared back in anger and stormed out with her friend. She then turned to Jirra and sneered. “This isn’t over, freak.”

Jirra glared back at them but didn’t reply. She turned around to see her rescuer.

“Sorry about that, I’m Barrett,” he stated, pointing to his nametag.

Jirra smiled. “Nice to meet you, I’m Jirra. Thanks.”

“I didn’t do anything; you looked like you were handling them pretty good on your own.”

“Still, I appreciate your assistance.”

He smiled. “Jirra? That means kangaroo doesn’t it?”

Jirra nodded and pointed to her necklace.

“That’s really nice work. Is it aboriginal?”

“Yes, how did you know?”

“I’m an anthropology student. I’ve been studying their culture.”

“That’s cool.”

“I like it. So, you live at the spa. I also overheard that you’d met Randy.”

“Unfortunately,” replied Jirra.

Barrett laughed. “He does have that effect on some people.”

Jirra stared back. “What sort of people is that?”

“Intelligent ones. I’ll talk to him and tell him to chill out”

Jirra giggled.

“We’re cousins. Please don’t hold it against me,” replied Barrett with a wink.

Jirra giggled again.

“Also, don’t worry about those two airheads. You’re always welcome here. My dad owns this place.”

“They’re right. I’m a lesbian,” confessed Jirra.

“So?” replied Barrett with a grin. “The only thing that matters in here is if you like coffee or tea.”

Jirra smiled back. “Thanks.”

“If you need anything else, just let me know,” he stated.

“I could use a refill.” She held up her cup.

“My pleasure!” replied Barrett with a bow.

Jirra giggled again.

“I can’t help it; I’m a frustrated actor,” replied Barrett as he walked back to the counter. “I’ll bring your coffee over when it’s ready.”

“Thank you,” she replied. She knew that she had just made a new friend.

She returned to her research and found an article in the Washington Post about a raid the previous March that had broken up a sex-slave ring. It didn’t mention if the teens involved were transgendered or not. However, Jirra felt she was on the right track.

Jirra’s cell-phone rang, and it was Lindsey.

“Sorry, we can’t make it today. But Dave wants to try it out tomorrow, if that’s okay with you.”

“Sure. It’s a great place.”

Jirra finished talking to Lindsey and then returned to her research. She found another article related to the same case. Both articles referred to a federal law enforcement department that focused on internet crimes against teens.

“Do you need anything else?” asked Barrett.

Jirra looked up from her computer. “No, I’m getting ready to leave. Oh, wait… yes, there is something you can give me. I’m the editor for the spa’s newsletter, and I’d love to put some information in it about the coffeehouse.”

“Free advertising? That’s always welcome!” replied Barrett. “What do you want to know?”

A few minutes later, Jirra had the information she needed and a stack of coupons that she would put at the front desk of the spa.

When she arrived back at the spa, she talked to Judy about what she had done.

“I hope you don’t mind.”

“Mind? No, not at all! You handled that just right, Jirra. I’ve been meaning to touch base with the new businesses in town. I’d like to have a pack of information and coupons for the guests.”

“Why? How does that help you?”

“Think out it, Jirra; we send guests into town; the shops will recommend us in return. It won’t bring in a lot of business, but it helps to have a good relationship with the local merchants.”

“Oh. That makes sense.”

“I’d like you to do that for me.”

“Me?”

“Sure, you can go into town and talk to the local merchants and do what you did with the coffee house.”

“I may not be the best person for the job. I’ve been outed in town.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. Business is business. You’ll be a representing the spa, and those shop owners can’t afford to turn away our business. I do expect you to dress a little more formally.”

“Judy, I’m just a high school kid.”

“Honey, you’re no kid. If it makes you feel more at ease, I was working for my uncle when I was in high school. I was his receptionist during the summer.”

“What was his business?”

“He has a dude ranch. I was in charge of reservations too. That’s when I decided that I wanted to have my own resort.”

Jirra nodded.

“By the way, you’re now on the payroll, but you have to put some away for college.”

Jirra hugged Judy. “I will.”

Chapter 91

After dinner Jirra headed to the baths. Jirra was joined by Lindsey, and she told her about the coffeehouse and Barrett.

“Barrett sounds like a cool guy,” replied Lindsey.

Jirra nodded.

“How do you feel about the two bimbos?” asked Lindsey.

“That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?” asked Jirra.

“You’re right; it’s an insult to bimbos. How ‘bout ignorant bigots?”

Jirra smirked. “It bothered me, but I wasn’t about to let them get to me.”

“Uh huh.”

“Okay, I was pissed. I’ve been so worried about being found out for being a guy that I forgot how some people don’t like gays. I mean the people here at the spa are far from mainstream in their attitudes… thank goodness!”

“True. If something like this was destined to happen to you, this is the place for it to happen. Just so you know, my parents think that you’ve handled all this incredibly well.”

“Thanks. I just have the feeling that it’s going to get worse. The town is small enough that my sexuality won’t be a secret for long. Randy has an ax to grind, and now I’ve made enemies of those two… ignorant bigots.”

“There’s nothing we can do about it. Maybe you should talk to Tara and Cari about how they’d handle it.”

Jirra nodded. “It’s just something new to mess with my balance. I mean, just when something good happens and I think I’m leveling out; something comes out of nowhere and starts messing me up. Maybe I should have just bit the bullet and gone out on a date with Randy.”

“No, you would never do that. Your essence wouldn’t allow that to happen.”

“True. I think I’ll talk to Tara and Cari about it.”

“Good.”

“What does Dave think about all this?”

“He doesn’t care. I told him that you’re my best friend, and he accepts that — besides, he really likes you.”

Jirra stared out into the night. “I can’t believe how complicated life has gotten. A year ago everything was set. My life was stable, and I knew what I was going to do. Now, I have to worry about my period. I have to learn how to apply makeup. I have to deal with bigots because I still prefer girls. I have to deal with the fact that I’m deeply in love with a famous actress, who’s miles away. Have I left anything out?”

“Other than the fact that you have a lot of people who love and care about you, no.”

Jirra laughed. “Oh, thanks for bringing that up! Here I was working up a perfectly good funk, and you’ve ruined it.”

“That’s what friends are for,” replied Lindsey.

Chapter 92

Jirra finished up the latest newsletter and was pleased that she was able to get in a small article on the coffee house. As soon as she was finished typing in the names, she went to her map and punched in some new pins. So far the bet between her and Judy was still in effect.

Afterwards she headed down to see Tara and Cari. She found them together, sitting outside the bathhouse eating lunch.

“Hi, Jirra,” greeted Cari.

“Great article in the local fishwrap,” added Tara.

“Thanks,” replied Jirra, as she sat down next to them. She then told them about the incident in the coffeehouse. “I don’t think I exactly handled it right.”

“At least you didn’t throw your coffee on them,” stated Cari, “unlike someone I know.”

Tara pointed a finger at her chest. “It wasn’t coffee; it was a glass of Merlot.”

Cari slipped her arm around Tara. “I truly appreciate how you defended us.”

“What happened?” asked Jirra.

“We were in a café and were hassled for daring to show our love to each other in public,” replied Tara.

“There was little more to it than that. We were having dinner at a very romantic café. Some of the other people there didn’t like the fact that two women were holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes with love and devotion,” added Cari with a sigh.

Tara turned to Jirra. “She always likes to embellish things.”

Jirra smiled. “Where were you?”

“It doesn’t matter now, but it was below the Mason-Dixon Line,” replied Tara. “Anyway, the couple at the next table took offense at us. A few words were spoken, and the guy got up and told us to get out. I told him that, unless he owned the restaurant, he should go back and sit down.”

“It was a little more that that,” added Cari.

Tara shrugged her shoulders. “Anyway, he called us a name, and I let him sample my wine.”

“What did he call you?” asked Jirra.

“Lesbo cunts,” replied Tara. “I’ve always hated that word.”

“What happened next?”

Tara smiled. “Let’s just say we had dessert in another café.”

“Not everyone is like that, but you do need to be careful; there are a lot of people out there who won’t accept you,” added Cari.

“Maybe I should just tell them that I used to be a guy,” stated Jirra with a grin.

Tara smiled back. “No, I don’t think that will make it better. TG people have an even harder time.”

“Seriously, what should I do?” asked Jirra. “I don’t want to cause problems, but I’m not about to give up my rights.”

“Nor should you. Just be careful about where and when you pick your fights,” stated Tara.

“Sometimes, it’s best to just walk away,” added Cari.

“Or call for help,” continued Tara. She then gave Jirra both of their cell phone numbers.

Jirra programmed them into her phone. “Do you think that Randy and his friends will make trouble for me?”

Tara glanced at Cari, who was nodding. “Yes. Unfortunately, he won’t let this go.”

Jirra nodded.

“Just be yourself. Look at all the people on your side.”

Jirra told them about Judy’s plan for her and the town businesses.

“That’s a great idea. If people see you and get to know you professionally, they’ll be less likely to hassle you,” stated Cari.

“That’s true, especially if it means that they’ll lose business,” added Tara.

Jirra nodded. “Thank you. It feels strange being considered gay, as I don’t see myself as a lesbian.”

“What does a lesbian feel like?” asked Tara.

Jirra laughed. “You know what I mean.”

Tara nodded. “I know that in your case it’s a little different, but I’ve always known that I like women. I’ve never felt differently.”

“It’s just something else I need to balance,” replied Jirra.

“How’s that going?”

Jirra waved her hand back and forth.

“At least you’re trying, and that’s what matters. You may never find true balance in your life, but you need to try,” stated Cari.

Jirra nodded again. “Thanks again for putting up with me.”

“We’re always here for you, Jirra,” stated Tara.

“That’s right; it’s not a bother,” replied Cari.

Jirra thanked them again and headed off to change. She would go back into town and talk to some of the local businesses.

Chapter 93

“Okay, let me look at you,” stated Judy.

Jirra was dressed in a long cotton skirt, dress sandals, and a short sleeve cotton top. She had her name tag on, identifying her as spa staff. Additionally, she had made up her face.

“Very nice. Casual, but professional enough for what you’re going to be doing. Where are you going first?”

“I was thinking of the salon, and then there’s a southwestern arts and gift shop next door.”

“Good, don’t try to do it all in one day. Quality not quantity!”

“Yes, Boss!”

“Also, I want you to start keeping a business expense log. It’ll be good practice for you. Include the mileage you drive and any legitimate business expenses. I’ll show you how to set it up,” explained Judy.

“Thanks,” replied Jirra.

She borrowed the Land Rover and headed into town, listening to another of her mom’s CDs. This time it was The Police. She turned up the volume as she had always liked Sting.

Jirra parked the SUV and took a deep breath before getting out. She was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of trepidation. It reminded her of the time that Dad had first taken her snorkeling. Just before she jumped off the boat into sea, there was a feeling of the unknown. It had taken her a few seconds to overcome those fears back then. Jirra took a deep breath. “They don’t know your secret, Jirra,” she said softly aloud. She then stepped out of the vehicle and headed into the salon.

Stacy, the receptionist, recognized Jirra and smiled as she walked in. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Thanks, Stacy.”

“Do you need an appointment?”

Jirra looked at herself in the mirror and noticed that she was due for a cut. “Not today, but I’d like to make an appointment.”

Stacy checked the book and found an opening the next day at ten.

“Great. Actually, the reason I came here is that I’d like to talk to the owner,” stated Jirra, trying to act adult. “It concerns Caldera de Gaia.”

Stacy nodded and picked up her phone. Jirra heard her talking to another woman named Paige.

A few minutes later, a short pleasant woman greeted Jirra. Paige was a small woman with short reddish-blonde colored hair. She wore glasses and had a pleasant smile.

“Let’s talk in my office,” she offered.

Jirra followed and, two hours later, she walked back out with a stack of discount coupons.

“Tell, Judy that we’re going to start offering full skin care, including waxing and facials,” stated Paige. “Also remind her that all spa staff get twenty percent off.”

“Well, I’m already a customer,” replied Jirra. “We’ll put these coupons in the guest information packages.”

“Fabulous!” replied Paige.

Jirra walked out feeling better about everything. Paige had treated her very professionally. She looked at her watch and saw that it was after three and decided that she had done enough for one day.

When Jirra arrived back at the SUV, there was a note on the windshield, tucked under the wiper. She freed it and opened it up. It had the word “Dykes” written on it with a red circle and line across the word. Jirra looked around and didn’t see anyone. Don’t get emotional, she thought. They might be watching you. Jirra put the note in her bag and drove back to the spa.

Chapter 94

“There are jerks everywhere,” replied Tara as she looked at the note. She then passed the note around.

There was a gathering of the spa employees sitting out on Liz and Jirra’s patio.

“I’m just worried that they’ll do something worse,” replied Jirra. “I’m sort of new to this, what do I do?”

“Ignoring them is a good start, but if they up the ante, you need to fight back,” replied Cari.

“Any idea how the police would handle something like this?” asked Liz, as she sipped her wine.

Judy read the note. “The sheriff’s department here is mostly geared towards petty crime and the occasional drunken brawl in the local tavern. I doubt they’ve had many harassment cases,” replied Judy. “I will talk to the sheriff about this. I’d like to nip this sort of thing in the bud.”

“I don’t want to be a bother,” stated Jirra.

“First, you’re not a bother,” replied Judy. “Second, you’re an employee and a member of the spa family, and I’m very protective of my family. There’s also a business side to this; I don’t want guests feeling uneasy about coming here. I think I’ll invite some of the local business leaders up here for breakfast and emphasize the importance of diversity. If I don’t reach their moral center, I’ll try to reach their financial center.”

“Blackmail?” asked Cari.

“I prefer the term gentle extortion,” replied Judy. “If you don’t mind, I’ll keep this note, Jirra. I’d like to show it to them.”

‘”They’re just a couple of high school kids,” stated Jirra.

“Don’t take them lightly,” replied Cody. “Remember the person who threatened you with the snake is one of those high school kids.”

“Also, the rotten apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” added Hannah. “I’d be shocked if those kids just came up with their bigoted thoughts on their own.”

“That may be, but let’s not go off to the other extreme either,” added Judy. “I don’t want this to get out of hand, in either direction.”

Liz looked at her watch. “It’s getting kind of late, what do you say that we head into town? I’ve wanted to try that pizza place that Lindsey and Jirra have talked about.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” replied Hannah. “A meal that I don’t have to cook!”

“Yes, but she’ll still critique it!” piped in Cody.

His response was met with a soft punch in the arm by Hannah.

They piled into both Liz and Cody’s SUVs and headed into town. Jirra was pleased and slightly relieved that none of her tormenters were in sight.

The pizza restaurant owner was very pleased to see a large number of Caldera de Gaia employees in his place. Judy talked to him and made another business contact.

“You feeling better about what happened?” asked Tara.

Jirra nodded as she bit into a slice of pepperoni pizza.

“Never underestimate the power of friendship,” continued Tara.

Chapter 95

Jirra stepped into the coffeehouse after talking to the owner of the gift shop next door. She was pleased to see that Barrett was behind the counter, and he waved when he saw her.

“Jirra, I have some fresh chai tea, would you like to try it?”

“That sounds great,” she replied.

“Have a seat, I’ll bring it over to you,” offered Barrett.

Jirra sat down in the large armchair that she had sat in the first time.

Barrett brought over her tea and sat down across from her.

“Slow day?” she asked.

“No, not really, but the mid-afternoon is always dead,” he replied. He took a sip from his mug.

“The tea is great, what are you drinking?” asked Jirra.

“Blue Mountain from Jamaica. I had to brew up a pot for the folks at the real-estate office. There was just enough extra for one mug; I hate to see good coffee go to waste.”

“I’ll bet,” replied Jirra. “What do you know about the Anasazi?”

“Ah, the ancient strangers or the ones who came before. Very interesting people.”

“I’m finishing out high school on my own and have to do a paper for my history credits. I want to do it on them.”

“Have you visited any of the sites yet?”

Jirra sipped her tea and shook her head.

“You need to see them, especially Mesa Verde and Chaco Canyon.”

“I plan on going to see those,” replied Jirra.

“I can give you good websites to help you with your research.”

“Cool.”

“I began to get interested in them when I was twelve. My Dad wanted to see the pueblos, and I was the only one in the family who wanted to tag along. I later had my first vision quest at one of the sites.”

Jirra cocked her head and stared at Barrett. “You’ve actually had a vision quest?”

Barrett shook his head and held up two fingers.

“That’s cool,” replied Jirra. “So what was your spirit guide?”

“Very good, I knew you’d know about them. It was a jack rabbit, with one ear that flopped over.”

“I know how personal something like that is, but what can you tell me about it?”

Barrett nodded. “You’re right, it’s very personal. But let’s just say that I know that my career path is right for me.”

“Sounds like something I need in my life.”

“What do you mean? You seem pretty comfortable with your sexuality.”

“That’s just part of it,” replied Jirra.

“Well, maybe you should try to take a vision quest. There’s no guarantee that anything will happen, but I can tell you what I did.”

“That’s cool.” Jirra glanced at her watch. “I need to get going, but I want to hear more about how you had your vision quest. Oh, and what do I owe you for the tea?”

Chapter 96

Jirra walked out of the coffeehouse with a half-pound of fresh ground Sumatran coffee. As she walked up the block, she saw another note on the windshield.

Crap, she thought. She picked the note off without fanfare and got into the Land Rover. She didn’t open it up until she was out of town. The note read. “Your going to Hell.”

Jirra shook her head at the note, and then she noticed the grammatical error and started to laugh.

Judy found the error amusing, but was still angry that another note was left with Jirra’s car.

“I’ve contacted several business owners, and we’ll be having a breakfast meeting in town next week. I’ll use the meeting for establishing ties with them and to bring this up. I talked to the sheriff and he’s sympathetic. If there’s any actual vandalism, he wants to know about it immediately.”

Jirra nodded. “By the way, have you taken a vision quest?”

Judy smiled. “Once. Why? Are you thinking of doing one?”

Jirra nodded.

“If you do, let someone know where you’ll be doing it.”

Jirra nodded again.

She went back to her cottage and went online to research the process.

Chapter 97

Lindsey and Jirra drove into town together. Jirra was driving, and they were listening to another of Liz’s CDs.

“Who is this again?”

“Yes, that’s right,” replied Jirra.

“Huh? I asked who this is playing,” repeated Lindsey.

Jirra laughed. “They’re called The Who.”

“Oh. They’re the group that does the song on CSI, right?”

Jirra glanced over at Lindsey and began to laugh. “What sort of music were you raised on?”

“Classic, bluegrass, folk, and, of course, the Grateful Dead,” replied Lindsey.

“You weren’t really conceived in a VW bus, were you?”

Lindsey shrugged her shoulders. “My parents did follow the Dead, so it may be true.”

“Is Dave still meeting us at the coffeehouse?”

“Yes, he had to go to the outdoors shop first. They ordered him some new helmets.”

Jirra parked the Land Rover a block away from the coffeehouse. It was on the main street and right in front of the southwestern gift shop.

“You should have let me drive,” stated Lindsey.

“I’m not running from them,” replied Jirra. “Mom agrees and says that if they do anything to the car we always have insurance.”

“She’s pretty cool.”

Jirra nodded.

The coffeehouse was half-full when Jirra and Lindsey walked in. Barrett waved to them. Jirra introduced Lindsey to him.

“Jirra, we got in some chocolate cheesecake, would you like some?”

Jirra wasn’t ever that big of a chocolate fan and was about to say no.

“It looks great. Let’s split an order,” suggested Lindsey.

“Okay,” replied Jirra.

They placed their coffee orders and Barrett told them he’d bring it to them.

“He’s cute,” whispered Lindsey.

“If you say so,” replied Jirra.

Lindsey smiled and nudged Jirra in ribs. “You like him.”

“Only as a friend, I’m not attracted to him sexually,” replied Jirra.

“Aren’t you even curious?”

Jirra shook her head adamantly.

“How do you know you wouldn’t like it?” asked Lindsey.

“How do you know that you wouldn’t like it with another girl?”

“That’s different,” replied Lindsey.

Jirra stared back and raised one eyebrow.

Lindsey nodded. “Touché.”

Barrett walked over with their coffees and the piece of cheesecake.

Lindsey tried it and smiled. “Oh, this really is good.”

Jirra tried a small piece and, to her surprise, she really liked it. “Delicious.”

“I thought you’d like it. I’ve never understood why women like chocolate so much, but then again most things women do is a mystery to me.” Barrett then winked at them.

Jirra began to giggle.

‘I’ll check on you two in few minutes. I have to get back to the counter,” he stated as he walked away.

“I think he likes you,” whispered Lindsey.

“He knows I’m a lesbian.”

“I don’t think that matters,” replied Lindsey.

“Oh, god, look who’s here!” exclaimed a girl.

“Can’t you take a hint, we don’t want YOUR kind here,” stated Tina.

“It isn’t your decision,” replied Lindsey.

“Who’s she, your girlfriend?” asked Tina.

“Why do you care one way or another?” replied Jirra.

“Unlike you, I have a sense of morality!” replied Tina.

“Oh, does that include leaving notes on people’s cars?” asked Lindsey. “Oh, and for the record, we’re just best friends. My boyfriend is the guy who fired Randy.”

Jirra couldn’t help but smile at the fact that Lindsey was far more upset than she herself was.

“That was so unfair!” replied the second girl. “He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“What’s your name?” asked Jirra to the second girl.

“Ashley, why?”

“Ashley, Randy was drunk and threatened me with a rattlesnake. His stupidity almost injured a guest.”

Ashley just stared back, her eyes glowing with anger.

“So are you leaving?” demanded Tina.

Jirra turned to Lindsey and then back towards Tina. “No.”

“You’ll regret this. You have no idea what you’ve started,” she threatened.

Barrett walked over. “I’ve told you two before; I don’t want this sort of crap in here. Now, get out.”

“Barrett, you can’t mean that, they’re outsiders and she’s… she’s a pervert,” pleaded Tina.

Barrett sighed. “You’re the ones disrupting my customers.”

Tina stood there fuming. The other customers were staring at her, some shaking their heads in disgust.

“Come on, let’s go,” stated Ashley as she grabbed Tina’s arm.

“No! They’re leaving, not us,” argued Tina.

“Come on, Tina.”

Jirra wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw Ashley wink to Tina.

Lindsey and Jirra watched the two girls leave.

“I don’t think we’ve seen the end of this,” stated Jirra. “I think we’d better head back to the spa.”

“I agree,” concurred Lindsey. “It was nice meeting you, Barrett.”

“No problem. The next time you’re in here, Jirra, I hope to have my rainbow sticker on the front door. Most of the locals will have no idea what it means, but you will and that’s what’s important.”

Jirra stood up and hugged the large man.

“I’ll call Dave and let him know that we’re leaving,” stated Lindsey.

A few minutes later Lindsey and Jirra reached the Land Rover. Jirra walked around and inspected it before they got in.

“What’re you looking for?” asked Lindsey.

“Seeing if those two keyed the car or poured sugar in the gas tank, juvenile crap like that.”

There was no apparent damage and no bigoted notes. However, Jirra failed to notice the nails pressed into the treads of the two back tires.

Halfway back to the spa, the left tire went flat. Luckily, Jirra wasn’t driving fast and was able to control the car as she pulled off the road.

“Shit!” she exclaimed.

“Do you know how to change a tire?” asked Lindsey.

Jirra nodded. “The advantages of being a guy for eighteen years. I will need help though; I’m not as strong as I used to be.”

They stepped out of the Land Rover and walked to the back. The left tire was completely flat. It was an hour before sunset, and the road was deserted except for them.

“It’ll take a few minutes to change out the tire,” stated Jirra.

“Umm, Jirra, I think we have a problem.”

Jirra walked over to where Lindsey was standing. She saw that the right tire was also flat.

“Those fuckin’ bitches!” screamed Jirra.

“Does that help?”

“Doesn’t hurt,” replied Jirra with a smile.

“Okay. Stupid bigoted tramps!” screamed Lindsey.

“That’s it?” asked Jirra.

“Sorry, I don’t have the curse vocabulary that you do,” replied Lindsey.

“I’ll call the spa,” stated Jirra. She reached her mom and told her what happened.

“Mom’s calling the auto club.”

“So we’re stuck here?”

Jirra nodded. “I think we’re about five miles from the spa.”

Lindsey bent down. “Looks like there’s a nail in the tread — correction make that several nails.”

“Crap, I should have checked that,” exclaimed Jirra angrily. She bent down and saw that the other tire also had several nails in it.

They sat down inside the sabotaged SUV and waited for help to arrive. Five minutes later a car appeared coming from town. It slowed down and pulled in front of the Land Rover. Out stepped Randy, Tina, and Ashley.

“Oh, crap,” exclaimed Lindsey.

“I think this calls for a holy shit,” replied Jirra.

“What do we do?” asked Lindsey.

“Let’s see what they want,” stated Jirra.

“Well, well, looks like the dyke and her stooge are stranded,” barked Randy. His right hand was still bandaged.

“Looks like you have some car trouble, way out here in the middle of nowhere, what a shame,” added Tina. She had a smirk on her face.

“If you start walking now, you should reach the spa in a few hours,” piped in Ashley.

“We’re not walking anywhere. The tow truck will be here shortly,” replied Jirra.

Randy laughed. “Yeah, right. How’d you manage that?”

Jirra took out her cell phone and held it out. “It’s called a cell phone, you idiot.”

“Bitch,” replied Randy as he approached threateningly.

“What? You’re going to attack me now? Why don’t you just leave while the getting’s good?” stated Jirra as she held her ground. “I’m not afraid of you. I’m not afraid of any of you.”

Randy was caught off guard. He had expected Jirra to run away, or least start crying. He was confused like a large dog when confronted by a cat that refused to run away. Randy was used to people backing down from him, and he didn’t know what to do next.

“Go on, Randy, hit the bitch,” screamed Tina. She saw that Randy wasn’t about to attack Jirra, so she decided to take matters into her own hands. “If you don’t, I will!”

Tina ran at Jirra and threw an off balanced half-fist, half-slap at her. Jirra easily dodged it and tripped her. Caught off guard, Tina flopped in the dust face first with a big thud.

“Stay down, Tina,” taunted Jirra. “I’ll hurt you if you get up.”

Ashley screamed and came directly at Jirra, who blocked her weak punch and threw her down next to Tina.

Randy stared in disbelief. He hadn’t expected Jirra to fight back, nor had he thought she could so easily stop both Ashley and Tina.

“Randy, hit her!” screamed Tina.

Randy began to approach Jirra when another car pulled up. Inside was Tara, who jumped out of the car and swiftly walked over to the others.

“What’s going on here?” she demanded.

“Stay out of this,” ordered Randy. “This is between me and that dyke bitch.”

“Oh, well then, I suggest you get in your car with those two and get out of here, unless you want to get your ass kicked by that dyke bitch. Just so you know, she has a black belt.”

Randy turned back and stared at Jirra. The look on her face was pure determination; he had never seen anything like it on a girl’s face. She couldn’t be a black belt, he thought; then again, she did handle Tina and Ashley pretty easily. Still, he couldn’t back down from a girl, especially a lesbian.

“If you touch her, I’m pressing charges,” stated Tara. “I’ll also be calling an ambulance.”

Randy turned back and stared at the slight woman. It was then he noticed that she had a tire iron in her hand. Randy gritted his teeth and mumbled something. He walked over and helped Tina and Ashley up.

“That’s it?” screamed Tina. “You’re just going to walk away?”

“Shut up. Let’s go,” he ordered.

“By the way, I’m calling the sheriff’s office. You owe Jirra for two tires; you pay, or I’m pressing charges,” added Tara. “Do you think that the school will let you play football after you’ve been arrested?”

He didn’t argue and got into his car, along with Tina and Ashley. He pulled out and his tires squealed. As he drove off, he gave them the finger and screamed out some more obscenities.

“You didn’t tell me that you had a black belt,” stated Lindsey.

“I don’t,” replied Jirra with a smile.

“Yes, you do; I saw you wearing one with your jeans the other evening,” stated Tara. There was a big grin on her face. “Your mom called me.”

“Thanks,” replied Jirra.

“What for? You seemed to have it all under control.”

“I have to admit that was fun,” replied Jirra.

“Where did you learn those moves you used on Tina and Ashley?” asked Lindsey.

“I played street hockey; you have to learn how to defend yourself,” replied Jirra.

“Do you think that’s the end of it?” asked Lindsey.

“For now, yes,” replied Tara. “I wasn’t bluffing about calling the sheriff. The parents of those three won’t be too happy to replace a couple of tires. The threat of further prosecution should hold them in check for a while.”

“I’m just glad that I’m not attending that school,” added Jirra.

“That makes two of us,” concurred Lindsey.

“Here comes the tow truck,” announced Tara, as she pointed down the road.

The Land Rover was towed back to town, and Tara drove Lindsey and Jirra back home.

Chapter 98

“That was the sheriff; the parents of those three morons have agreed to pay for the tires. They’ve also promised that there’ll be no more problems from them,” stated Liz as she hung up the phone.

Jirra was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking some hot chocolate. For some reason, she was craving chocolate.

“That’s good to hear,” replied Jirra.

Liz sat down next to her daughter. “Tara said that you handled yourself pretty well.”

“They underestimated me and took me at face value. It’s kinda cool to know something they don’t. I may be a girl, but I’m not going to be pushed around.”

“Um, excuse me?”

Jirra smiled. “Just kidding. I know that girls don’t have to be passive; still, I feel better about myself. I was afraid that I would back down.”

“I’m not advocating you get into fights, but I’m pleased that you were able to protect yourself,” stated Liz.

“Dad taught me to stand up for myself; I have a feeling he would have told me the same thing if I was born a girl.”

Liz nodded. “Dad loved you.”

“I know. I miss him,” replied Jirra.

“Me too, Roo.”

Chapter 99

Over the next few days, in between working on the newsletter and talking to local merchants, Jirra researched how to conduct a vision quest. The idea of seeking her spiritual guide to help her find her balance became almost an obsession. Twice she had driven into town and talked to Barrett about the process. Thankfully, he took her seriously and explained how he had done it.

Liz had a medical class to attend in Santa Fe, and it required her to spend the night there. Jirra decided that would give her the opportunity to fast before her attempt at having a vision quest.

Jirra decided she would fast during the day her mom left for Santa Fe and head out early to the place where she would sit and mediate. She had a spot up in the hills that was shielded by a rock bluff. It was a quiet area right off the trail. Jirra had checked it out and found that it stayed in the shade most of the day. She decided to start early in the morning.

She was a little uneasy about not telling Mom what she was about to do, but she decided that this was a private event. As a precaution, she wrote out a description of where she would be and would leave it with Judy.

The morning Liz left for Santa Fe, Jirra was sitting at her desk reviewing the latest list of guests. There was a woman named Pippa from New York, as was another woman named Cathy. They also got their first guest from Washington as a woman named Holly was staying for a week. There was also a guy from Oregon named Ty, who Jirra recognized as a writer of detective stories. Their first guest from a place outside North America was due to arrive in a few days; a woman named Prue from New Zealand.

Jirra ran her hand through her hair; she wasn’t totally used to her new style, but Paige had insisted that she get it. Liz thought it looked fantastic, as did Lindsey.

She took a long drink of water. Barrett had told her that the last thing she wanted to do was get dehydrated during her fast.

Before she left her office that day, she dropped off the sheet with the map on Judy’s desk. In her haste to leave, she didn’t notice that it was blown off the desk by the fan.

Chapter 100

Jirra was up around four and headed out into the hills. She wasn’t worried, as she knew the trail by now. As she headed up to the spot she’d picked out, she heard something scurry across the trail in front of her. It was too dark to see what it was, but she could hear it escape into the brush.

She arrived at the spot just before sunrise and began to gather rocks to make the circle necessary for the ceremony. She pulled a small blanket out of her backpack and laid it on the ground inside the circle. She then sat down cross-legged on the blanket, pulled out one of the bottles of water she had brought, and took a long sip. Barrett had told her that he’d stripped naked, but he’d also mentioned that that wasn’t necessary.

Jirra began to clear her mind and began to mediate. After what seemed like an hour, she didn’t notice anything different. She continued to focus on her inner mind in the hope that something would happen.

“Jirra,” called out a voice.

Crap, she thought. Someone had followed her up here. She opened her eyes and didn’t see anyone.

Something seemed different, and she stood up and looked around. The hills were much greener, and she could swear that she heard running water. She walked to the sound and found that there was a stream emptying into a clear pond. She glanced down into the pool and was shocked when she saw her reflection. She saw Josh’s face staring back at her. She reached up and touched her face and found that she was still Jirra. This caused her to jump back.

“Confusing, isn’t it?”

Jirra turned around. “Who’s there?”

“The one you seek,” replied the voice.

Jirra didn’t see anyone, and the voice was coming from a patch of grass near the pond. The voice was soft and soothing. She walked over and saw a small tan animal with a long tail. It was a kangaroo rat.

“Hello, Jirra; it’s good to finally meet you,” the animal greeted her.

Jirra sat down in front of it. “Hi.”

She couldn’t tell, but it looked like it was smiling.

“I’m your spirit guide,” the rat replied.

“That seems appropriate,” she stated with a grin.

The kangaroo rat hopped over and sat down in front of her. “I’ve always been your spirit guide, long before you picked your new name, Roo.”

Jirra instinctively reached up and touched her kangaroo charm.

“I know you come here seeking help,” continued the kangaroo rat.

“Yes, I have so many questions,” replied Jirra.

“In good time, Jirra, all in good time,” replied the kangaroo rat. “The answers will come to you in due time.”

Jirra sighed. The last thing she wanted was a philosophy lesson from a rodent, even if it was a mystical rodent. “Why did this happen to me?”

“Sometimes things just happen,” replied the kangaroo rat, as it scratched its ear.

“Oh. I had thought there was a reason why I was transformed,” replied Jirra sadly.

“Don’t be upset, Jirra. While you weren’t picked for your change, that doesn’t make you less special.”

Jirra sighed. “Oh, what do I call you? I mean, you know me, do you have a name?”

“I have many names, but since you’ve picked an Aboriginal name, you can call me Killara.”

“What does it mean?” asked Jirra. “Or is that another mystery?”

“It means ‘permanent’ or ‘always there.’”

Jirra smiled, the name was fitting. “Okay, Killara, how do I find peace? I still don’t feel at ease in this body.”

“Your friends have already told you the answer; you must find your balance.”

“How? And don’t tell me I’ll know the way.”

Killara stared at her. “You must let go of some things in your life and accept that you’re now a woman. You’ve been blessed and have the gift of bringing new life into the world.”

Jirra instinctively reached down to her belly. “I’m not ready for that.”

“All in good time, Roo. Your body is a gift and you must take care of it.”

“I may not be comfortable with being a woman, but I promise that I’ll watch my health.”

“What about adapting to your new form?” asked Killara.

“I like who I am, I don’t want to change,” she stated. “I’ve given up so much in the last year.”

Killara jumped up on her leg and looked up into her eyes. “For everything you let go, the void will be filled. As the wise one said, ‘nature abhors a vacuum.’ This is a natural process, just like growing up. You have a wonderful life ahead of you, and it would be a shame for you to miss your true potential because you’re stuck in the past.”

Jirra nodded.

“This won’t be easy, but you’re not alone. You have your friends and family. When life gets really hard, you can always come back and talk to me,” explained the kangaroo rat.

“Okay,” replied Jirra. ‘I was just hoping that you would give me a more exact answer.”

“Where’s the challenge in life if you are always given the answers?” stated Killara.

Jirra smiled. “You’re pretty wise for a kangaroo rat.”

“You’re not too bad for a human,” replied the kangaroo rat.

Jirra laughed.

“I’m not here to tell you the future, but I will tell you not to let this change hold you back. It would be very easy for you to use this as an excuse, which would be a great waste. You have great potential and a wonderful mind. The fact that you have had the vision to seek me out is proof enough.”

“I’m scared, Killara. I don’t know if I can do this. I’m so afraid of what might happen if someone finds out.”

“Don’t focus on what might go wrong, focus on what will go right.”

“I’ll try,” replied Jirra.

“Good. That’s what I wanted to hear, the fact that you’re going to try. Now, it’s time for you to go, Roo.”

Jirra nodded, and in a flash she was awake and sitting in the circle. It was approaching sunset, and she was shocked to see that it was after seven. She opened up one of the bottles of water and began to drink. Was that real? she wondered. She pulled a notebook out of her backpack and began to write down everything that had happened.

She stood up and stretched. She had expected to feel stiff, but instead she felt refreshed and alert. She then headed back to the spa.

Halfway down the trail, she was shocked to hear people calling out her name. She could see two people in the distance. When she got closer, she saw that it was Tara and Cari heading up the trail.

“Jirra! Where have you been?” called out Cari.

“I was up in the hills. I left a note with Judy.”

“She didn’t get it. We’ve got a search party looking for you,” replied Cari.

“How long have you been looking for me?”

Tara looked at her watch. “Since noon.”

“I’m sorry,” replied Jirra.

“You okay? You have a faraway look in your eyes,” stated Tara.

Jirra nodded. “I had a real vision quest, and I met my spirit guide!”

Tara smiled. “That’s wonderful, but you should have let more people know what you were doing.”

Cari pulled out her phone and called Judy. “We found her.”

“How many people are out here?” asked Jirra.

“Ten right now. Judy was about to call the local search and rescue,” stated Cari. “Your mom is frantic.”

“Crap. I’m so sorry,” replied Jirra. “Can I use your phone, I didn’t bring mine?”

“We’re just glad you’re okay,” replied Cari, as she handed the phone to Jirra.

Jirra called Mom and apologized. She also told her that she was okay and would be home shortly.

“Besides, you’re young; what’s the point of being young if you don’t do something dumb every now and then,” added Tara.

“Don’t encourage her!” interjected Cari with a smile. “I swear you’re just as bad sometimes, Tara.”

“And that’s why you love me,” replied Tara as she leaned over and kissed Cari.

They arrived back at the spa an hour later. Judy had found the map, but was still angry. Jirra could tell that it was more out of concern than anything.

Liz was also irritated. “I thought you had more sense than that.”

“I’m sorry, but I wasn’t sure if you’d understand,” replied Jirra.

“I love and care deeply about you. In the future, let me know where you’re going; especially if you’re going to be sitting in the hills seeking your spirit guide.”

“I will. I’m really sorry,” replied Jirra.

Liz pulled her close and hugged her. Jirra heard her crying, and she realized how stupid she had been and began to cry herself.

Chapter 101

Tara, Judy, Cari, Lindsey, Liz, and Jirra sat around the kitchen table eating grilled cheese sandwiches and drinking tomato soup.

Jirra told them about meeting Killara.

“You don’t have to tell us this, Jirra. A vision quest is a very personal thing,” stated Tara.

“I know, but I’d like to let you know that my spirit guide told me that I was lucky because I had friends like you,” replied Jirra.

“Duh, like you needed a kangaroo mouse to tell you that!” piped in Lindsey.

Jirra giggled. “There’s more, but that part is too personal. I know that I have to reach my balance, and I know I have to make changes in my life. I also know this won’t be easy. I just want to let you know that I appreciate all of you. I know that I can’t do this all on my own.”

“Sounds like you have a very wise spirit guide,” replied Liz. “Next time, just let me know ahead of time, before you go off to visit him.”

“I will, I promise, Mom.”

After everyone else had left, Liz sat down next to Jirra on the couch.

“You really scared me today. Judy called and told me you were missing, and I freaked out. I’m barely getting over losing your dad; I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you too,” stated Liz. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”

Jirra could see a tear running down her mom’s face, and she could feel her own emotions building up. “I’m sorry, Mom. I said it before, and I truly mean it. I’ve never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know you mean it, Roo. I just want what’s best for you; that’s why I took the job here. I’ve been dealing with a lot of guilt since your change,” continued Liz.

Jirra stared back. “Why? It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know, but I began to think that if I hadn’t taken this job, none of this would have happened,” answered Liz, as her voice cracked from her emotions.

Jirra couldn’t stand it anymore and hugged her mom. They held each other for a long time, hugging and crying.

“I don’t blame you, I’ve never blamed you. It’s not your fault. After today, I know that it was just something that happened,” stated Jirra.

The separated, and Liz reached for the tissues.

“There has been one thing that I appreciate about your change,” stated Liz, as she blew her nose.

“What’s that?” asked Jirra, as she wiped away her tears.

“It’s a lot easier to talk to you, especially concerning emotional issues,” answered Liz, as she reached over and slipped her arm around Jirra’s shoulders.

Jirra nodded. “I’ve noticed that too.”

“I do want you to know that I want the best for you. I agree with the rat that you have great potential, and as long as you’re my child, I will not allow you to waste it. I won’t force my beliefs and ideas on you, but I’ll always be here for guidance.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“I also want you to know that you can always talk to me.”

“What would you have said if I’d told you about the vision quest ahead of time?”

“I would have agreed to let you do it, just as long I knew where you were doing it. So the next time you go off to meet with Killara, let me know, okay?”

Jirra smiled and held up her hand as if she was making an oath. “I promise.”

“Good. Well I’m totally drained, and I’m going to bed. What about you?”

“In a few minutes… I want to think about what happened today,” replied Jirra.

“Okay, Roo, but don’t stay up too late.” She then leaned over and kissed Jirra on the forehead as she stood up. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

Jirra stepped outside and stared at the stars. She still didn’t totally accept that she was female, but at least she was willing to make the changes, even though she knew it would be hard. She thought about the idea that she could one day bring a new life into the world, and it scared her. The idea of being with a man sexually was still totally foreign to her. Still, she liked the idea of being so close to someone that she could give unconditional love to, as Mom did with her. She also thought of the love and support Dad had given her. Could she really become a mother?

She wrapped her arms around her waist and gazed upward at the stars. She then heard the familiar voice of Killara. “All in due time, Roo, all in due time.”

She decided to put aside her fears and worries for a night. She had a long journey ahead of her, and she thought of Dad’s words. It wouldn’t be easy, but she would “press on.”

The End

FYI: Here’s website with pictures and a detailed description of the portable barbecue pit: http://www.bbqpits.com/mobile30x30.htm

Jirra's adventures continue in Fresh Start 2

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