Since last year, I wanted to go to school with my best friend and girlfriend Megan. It had taken months of hassling my Mom about going to school with Megan. Because she started going to a private school nearby. It was an all-girls school, but kind of connected to St. Marks an all boy's school. Mom insisted, “Brian it isn’t possible for you to go to school with Megan.” I insisted I would find a way. Well it kind of happened; but more because of Mom.
It was Halloween time again and I had agreed to dress up as a cheerleader one more time. My sister and my girlfriend even agreed it would be my last time. They said, “We agreed it can be your last time, unless it is you who chooses to do it again.”
When I asked, “Why would I choose to do dress like a girl?” They both smiled and said, "Because you like it." It's kind of true but I will not admit to it out-loud. I think they are teasing me.
My sister took my measurements and went back to college. Her college had an off week from having a football this coming week, so she should be able to borrow a uniform for the weekend. I had not been to her college yet this year. I literally did not know what I was getting myself into. It was Wednesday night, instead of Thursday when she came home, something about mid-semester exams being over.
Megan came over to help her out. Megan likes brushing my long hair into a girly style when I let her. Yes, my hair is reasonably long. Megan is hot looking and I usually give into whatever she wants after she wears me down. Sis calls me to her room and has me change out of my clothes and insists I shower and shave. Well I do not have facial hair even though I’m a sophomore. I didn’t have much hair on my legs, but I enjoyed shaving my legs just the same. I had to wrap a towel around me, calling my sister into check before I fully dried off.
When she has me lift my arms she says that hair goes too. She shaves my underarms and powders me. When I'm dry she has me put on a snug panty that is part of the uniform. I fix myself, so my boy parts are tucked away really well. She calls in Meg and they embarrass me with oohs and ahs. I protested as the cheering outfit is smaller and showier than any uniform I had ever seen. But Kathy reminds me, "It was you who insisted you wanted to wear a college uniform." Megan suggests I put on the top before they make any modifications.
I'm glad she did and even happier as the top is for a very busty girl and when Kathy asked the problem, I can only laugh as I nowhere near fill the top. She shares we'll take care of the problem tomorrow which gives us an extra day before I'll refused to wear it. Instead of changing back to my clothes they continued to feminize me, bringing me one of Kathy’s old outfits. ‘Did she have any idea I had worn that outfit before?’ I'm now wearing one of Kathy’s robes.
Mom pokes her head in the room and I'm surprised as she takes over brushing my hair. Mom suggests that Megan does my nails. Mom has me put on a camisole with a matching panty. Megan and Kathy are amused. When I ask, why?
Mom shares, “Megan, I am sorry but Brianna needs to find herself, I hope you will continue to be her girlfriend after this is all over.” Megan smiles and holds my hand, but how she held it, was different. She gives me a kiss on the cheek and goes home.
Mom has my hair rolled and pinned so I can sleep without messing up what she's done. She tells me use a moisturizer before I go to bed. While it's unusual it was not totally new. When I was younger I used to pest my sister getting into her make-up and clothes until my mom got tired of my pestering my sister and showed me how to do it. It had been three years since I did that last. I should have guessed this is not a good omen. When I'm done mom gives me a goodnight kiss and sends me to say goodnight to my dad. Dad mutters something about I need to speak up for myself.
I'm awakened at 5:45 in the morning by mom, "I want you to get dressed in the clothes I've laid out." I was surprised to see a red knit dress hanging near my closet. My mom asks how I slept, as she helps me to get ready. When I say, I can’t go to school like this. She tells me, "Today you're going to school as Megan’s friend." I start to cry. Mom shares, "Crying will not help; you need to get over it." I'm given the choice of which new set of panties to wear and chose the light pink to go with the dress.
Mom asks me to lie down on the bed as she had something special. I did as I'm told and my mother traces lightly two circles onto my chest and spreads a sticky substance on it. I had no idea what's happening and close my eyes like my mother tells me. She puts something on each spot and holds them in position. She rubs around the edges and then finally lets me sit up and open my eyes. I look down and realize I'm looking at two breasts, now mine.
I'm given a bra and I put it on without having any trouble. There's a plastic egg which I open and put on the pantyhose from inside. Mom giggles when I have little trouble putting them on correctly. Mom helps me to put on the knit dress. Then Kathy wanders into the room. “Mom how did you do that? I didn’t hear any screaming.” I bow my head in humiliation realizing I had gotten dressed as a girl and except for my initial tears, I had not made a fuss.
“She’s going to school with Megan today.”
I spoke up, “I will be too embarrassed being seen as a girl.”
Kathy took me in front of a mirror, telling me what I could plainly see, “Once you finish your make-up they will only see Megan’s girl friend, Marcy.” When I went to the kitchen for breakfast dad walks in behind me. He chuckles to Mom, “I know you told me, but I didn’t think she could even fool me.”
I find myself thanking him for the compliment. I pour out a small bowl of cereal and mixed it in some yogurt. I learned that from Kathy. Kathy comes in with one of her purses as mom opens it to put in the essentials. I saw there's lipstick, the same as my nail polish. Mom and Kathy both remind me a girl goes light on her make-up for daytime. I'm back in the bathroom with Mom helping my make-up when Kathy comes behind me and puts a double strand gold necklace around my neck. I look in the mirror, smile and Kathy gives me a small hug. I say, "Thanks Sis."
Megan knocks and comes into the house to get me, her mother drives us to Megan’s school which is another few miles farther than my school. Meg is quite surprised. I didn't know it but unless I passed each person’s inspection I would be home for the day. “You look tough girl. I really like your legs and ass.” I suggest my breasts were better. She says, “That’s your boy brain, the legs and butt you’re showing is all you, and they look nice and girly.”
She looks in my purse and asks Kathy if she has some extra shields or pads. I joke that I will not need them, but Megan says, ‘You need one even now.”
“What do you mean?”
“You are a little hard aren’t you? Well this will help you to look like a girl on a pad, and not a boy in a skirt.” I'm given a medium pad and sent to fix myself. Luckily Kathy follows and helps me as it takes a couple of tries to place things right.
Mrs. C blew the horn as we were coming out the door. Megan opens the car door and instructs me how to step over, sit down and bring my legs around and inside the car. Mrs. C encourages me to slow down and shorten my steps. She compliments me on looking cute.
“So how did you talk your mother into this?” She's amused to find out I was the last to know. I didn't find out until we got to her school that Megan’s school had a field trip scheduled for the freshman girls.
We were going to the women’s health center at the hospital as part of their health education. We were divided into smaller groups so we can better learn. I am very surprised and quite uncomfortable when they gave a live demonstration on doing one’s own breast exam. I'm one of three girls asked to touch the model and I'm the only one to find both tumors on the mannequins. We each give ourselves an exam, but we only unbutton our blouse or go under our sweater and did not have to disrobe.
If that's not embarrassing enough, the pelvic exam is way too revealing. Several girls excuse themselves and I try but Megan blocks my retreat. The head nurse encourages me not to be embarrassed by a woman’s nude body. I'm further embarrassed when she asks about my periods and if I've used a feminine deodorant. I share I had but she explains she did not mean for my underarms.
They used the model of a woman to even demonstrate how to properly use a douche product if needed inside the vaginal cavity and to let it drain. The nurse helps me to sit down and lie back, when I become light headed. She's able to tell I'm wearing a napkin and asks if I usually get light headed during my period.
It actually is a very educational trip and I ask if they have similar events for boys. She confesses women usually wished guys are more educated than they are. When she asks if I thought they needed it. I indicate that I had two older brothers and they had never mentioned having the experience. When she excuses the class she asks me to stay and visit with her.
I'm very afraid I'm in trouble and glad Megan is able to stay back with me. “Well young lady do you have something to say?”
I wasn’t sure what to say and am glad Megan speaks up. “She didn’t know she was coming today. And neither of our mothers or I would let her back out,” Megan replies.
“So Brianna did you learn a lot today,” the nurse asks? “I am not sure what to say until you tell me about yourself.”
“Well you already seem to know. And I am sorry but as Megan told you, I didn’t know. It was my mother who thought I should have the experience of being a girl. I've pestered her about going to school with Megan. I guess I did that too much. Tomorrow I am to dress as a cheerleader for Halloween. I guess they decided this would be a good time to come to school as Brianna.”
“Megan did your mother know that the trip was today?” She spoke again after Megan said she did. “Well I suspect she knew this would be a good education and that we wouldn’t mind. But I will ask her to help me the next time. Then we will see what she thinks. Hopefully we will get a few regular boys to attend a special program for them.”
I'm getting excited and worried something is going to happen and ask to be excused. But the nurse kept talking because I'm too embarrassed to tell her what is happening. My body finally shook as I came into my panty. She took me by the hand into her office where she handed me a wipe and a clean panty, suggesting I clean myself up and change.
I would not have thrown my panty away but the nurse tells me others will be able to smell you and they will not be as understanding as she is. She took Megan and me on a tour to catch up with our class. She asks my real name and school and gives me an addressed envelope which I'm to use to send her a written report of our trip. She would send a report to my health teacher so I could get extra credit.
I'm surprised that the day has gone so quickly and it's time to return to school. Megan’s mother picks us up and takes us for a snack as we have extra time before Megan’s salon appointment. Mrs. C has already heard from the head nurse and compliments us for handling things like mature young women. When I thank her, I comment how little I knew as a guy and less as a girl.
She walks us from the food area over to a salon. She asks me how much money I have and I share I didn’t know as Kathy and my mother packed my purse. I was sure it could not be very much. I check and Mrs. C is delighted when I surprisingly pull out fifty dollars from my girl’s iPhone wallet. “My mom never gives me this much, she must have known I was going on a field trip.”
“I told your mother that Megan has a salon appointment and if you came with some money we could try to get you in too.” Megan's very happy. I quickly ask for the rest room and sit down just in time before I would have peed in my pants. I cleaned myself up, powdered my panty and went back out after I check everything twice. I'm shown to a chair and then asked what style I want.
I say, "I don’t know what you can do with my hair. Cassie, my beautician quickly shows me a number of styles and she indicates three which would look very nice on me. She likes my selection and commences to give me a shampoo. She cut the tips of my hair and begins to set it in curlers. I'm enjoying myself and do not think of any consequences. I share about going to a Halloween party the next night as a cheerleader. Cassie decides to redo many of my curlers for a tighter set to hold its bounce. Megan's delighted when I sit next to her and am put under a hair drier. Meg has no trouble in carrying on a conversation and under the dryer. I understand little of what I'm agreeing to.
I'm asked if I want to change my fingernail polish and have my toes done. I agreed and asked to stand for a moment as they go under my skirt and pull my pantyhose off with my help. I would have been outraged if I wasn’t more afraid they'd realize I'm a boy. My feet are in a thick solution as I'm now begin my first pedicure. Megan's done about fifteen minutes ahead of me and is very surprised to see them painting my toes and that I had lost my pantyhose at some point.
I'm about done when Mrs. C comes back with a little present. She gives it to the beautician who then marks each ear. I'm not asked if I wanted my ears pierced, only if I think the marks are even. I'm turned away from the mirror as I'm told to be still when the first earring is put in. Meg takes my hand and asks me to be quiet as they do the second ear.
Once back in the mall Mrs. C took our picture, like my beautician had earlier. It is not long and my iPhone rings and my mother is calling. “So how are things going, Brianna? Are you having fun?” I don't want my mother to know what has happened so I just gave her a simple “Yes.”
She then tells me, “I'm surprised by how much you've done today, but very pleased for you. I especially like the picture.” I begin to cry and ask, “What picture?”
Mom told me, “I just received a picture of you with Megan with your new hairdos. Did you listen when they told you how to brush it out or protect it when you're sleeping?” She giggles when I tell her it only has to last a day. Mom says, “You have a gift card in your wallet for a new outfit. Your sister is tired of you getting into her clothes.”
When I ask how much she tells me, “It should be enough to get shoes, under clothing as well as a purse and things to go with your outfit.”
Mrs. C spoke up, “We better get going so we can do everything and get a goodnight’s sleep for school tomorrow.”
I had gotten mixed up thinking today was Friday. We start shopping in the most expensive department store so things didn’t look so outrageous when we got to Kohl’s. I'm already looking at purses when Meg suggests I should first pick out an outfit or two.
I look at some jeans and other slacks, but I'm told I should treat Brianna to a skirt since I'm always wearing jeans. I pick out a long pencil skirt as well as a burnt orange skirt and a few tops. I need to get permission to take five outfits into the changing room.
Terri a senior from school is my salesgirl and she likes my selections. Megan has switched the long pencil skirt with a shorter navy blue skirt. I call out to complain and ask for the skirt I wanted. Meg and the salesgirl both request I step out and show them my problem. Terri knelt down, smooths out my skirt that she says measures a good five inches from the hem to my panty. I'm very uncomfortable that she's that close. I do not ask how she measured it.
She compliments my hair which is a nice distraction. She gets the sliver blouse I had selected and has me changing in the fitting area. I took it as a good sign that she did not notice I'm a boy. Terri mentions that my slim body would have looked too thin in the longer skirt and would not compliment my figure like this skirt along with the silver blouse. I agree to change into another skirt and the cream top. I didn't realized the cream blouse would show the cleavage of my breasts.
I go back to change out of the top, when Megan tells me to try the blouse with another bra she had chosen. I change but did not feel the difference that another girl would have noticed. When I come out to the fitting room Terri asks if my mother lets me wear clothes like this. I said sure, but that was before I looked in the mirror. I realize I have been given a push-up bra.
Megan says that it is only because I'm dressing up as a cheerleader on Saturday. Terri and Megan’s mom both say it would cheer the boys up to see me. I instead select a nice lace bra. Megan took me back to the purses to select one that goes well with my outfits. I have everything but shoes. Terri rings up the order with the blue skirt and top. When she checks my gift card she informs me I could get both outfits and still have fifty dollars for shoes. Mrs. C tells her to ring up the whole sale. And between the three of us we're spending over two hundred dollars.
I ask Terri, if she gets commission and she shares just the order overs hundred dollars. I asked Mrs. C and she agrees I can buy my clothes with their items. It made for another six dollars in commissions for Terri. Terri suggests if I didn’t mind shopping here for shoes that she's seen a cute 2” heel shoes that she thought would go well with both outfits.
The shoe department manager rushes us to buy things and everything seems more expensive. When I ask about the sale prices, Terri double checks and sees that they're not rung in properly. When the store manager is informed, she thanks us. We receive the sales price as well as 30% off our next purchases. Mrs. C has us try on some coats. I selected a nice fall jacket. Megan’s is a bit fancier and more versatile, and her mom buys one as well. They would have cost another two hundred and forty dollars. But with sale prices and another 30% off they cost us only $120. Terri cut off my tags as I want to wear the jacket home.
Mrs. C calls her husband and we meet for dinner at a very nice restaurant. Megan’s sister and brother were happy to see us. Despite my having been over the house, no one recognizes me. Mrs. C takes me home but said it's only so my mother could see me.
I did not realize that a short visit could last so long. A guy would have been in and out in a few minutes. But Brianna would have to show her clothes, even try an outfit. Dad's amused, and doesn't wander off like usual. Megan and Kathy both see me as a Barbie doll they will dress-up, and both moms are proud of me. Unfortunately for Brian it's Brianna that everyone is interested in and that includes me.
Kathy makes sure I had my choice of pajamas as she pushes me off to my first sleep over. I ask mom about school tomorrow and she shares it's taken care of. While I do not like people making decisions for me. It is a decision I kind of like. Though I would not have agreed, if I was asked directly.
When we get back to Megan’s house it's already 9:30 and Mrs. C tells us to change into our pajamas. Megan helps me to take my make-up off saying, “You know too much about being a girl to be a normal boy.”
“A normal boy would not be allowed into your bedroom, nor would he have gone on your trip or looked so much like girls.” She did have to tell me that girls do not wear their bras to bed. I don't remember when Megan changed out of her bra, and was disappointed that I did not see her. I made the mistake of saying so. When I returned from the bathroom she is naked, “So do I look good to you?”
Megan dresses in her pajamas before her mother came into the room. When Mrs. C came in she did ask if we had changed together or if we were modest like we should have been. “Mom, Brianna saw a woman’s vagina up close and personal today. He also practiced giving himself a breast exam.”
Mrs. C asks me to share about the day. I was being very shy, as she encourages me to talk, I explain in detail all I saw and learned. It is 10:50 when she tucks us in and gives me a goodnight kiss.
It's the second morning in a row I awake before six o’clock.
I didn't remember rolling my hair last night but Mrs. C helps me to take the rollers out and to brush everything back to place. I'm surprised it kept its shape so well. I wear my blue skirt along with the nice silvery gray blouse. Mrs. C tells me to change out of the tan pantyhose and to find a light gray pair in Megan’s top drawer. Megan shows me how a girl can change pantyhose without undressing, but says, a boy needs too or he wouldn’t be neat the rest of the day.
I finish breakfast and my make-up before 7:30. Megan’s brother and sister are both taking an interest in me. Jamie wonders why her mom's explaining so much to me. “Mom why did you tell her to make sure she sat down on the toilet?’
Megan quietly reminds me to use a feminine pad. The pad feels uncomfortable but I know from yesterday it is in my interest to use one. Megan has a dance lesson for her third period class and dance practice after school. I'm given a change of clothes as I was told I needed the exercise. Mrs. C told me just to change down to my panties and bra to put on my dance clothes. Megan and I will shower when we get home. It is a fun day at school as I always enjoy being around Megan. I enjoy very much being her friend and don't think about being her boyfriend.
Megan turns my earrings between the first and second period. It hurt and I'm afraid somethings wrong. When I complain, Megan is upset that I had not turned or cleaned them. She takes me to the nurse’s office and asks the nurse to check my ears. I'm scolded for not keeping them clean nor turning them. She has me put a little alcohol on each and then explained the care I need to give them. The nurse did compliment my participation on the trip the day before.
The dance instructor helps me to stretch for dance practice. She teaches me the various positions and helps me to gracefully move and learn the different ballet positions. “If you would end up moving here I would love you to come out for dance.”
When we got home her Mom urges us to get into the shower and help each other get to get ready for the evening. Megan follows me into the shower and I cannot help but get excited. She kisses me passionately but insists we're only girlfriends. I finished my shower, dry off and slip into a skirt and blouse.
Mr. C took the younger children out to eat, while Megan, Mrs. C and I as Brianna go to dinner at my house. Kathy is stunned as her brother appears to be lost.
Mom greets me with a hug and dad just shakes his head. I'm slipping back and forth from elation to guilt and doubt. I feel like the girl I appeared to be, but worry that Brian is being set up. Mom's surprised when I come into the kitchen to help with dinner. I scoop out some cottage cheese and slice peaches. It is to go a long along with the shrimp cocktail and a stir-fry that I did not usually eat. Mom asks me to give everything a try and to enjoy it. When we sit down to eat, mom encourages me to sit up in my seat like Kathy.
It's six thirty when we finish dinner and I'm coaxed to put on the cheerleaders uniform so we can go to the Halloween parade. Kathy and Megan take turns teaching me to dance. Kathy’s boyfriend stops over and acts as my male partner. It took me the second dance before I started to be comfortable following another guy.
Megan nudges me and suggests I go slower. I bark back, the dance isn't until tomorrow and I don't even want to dance. She giggles back you know you're going to be asked to dance, you might as well learn a little. We do have fun and enjoy the night.
Mom has us stay in the guest room saying Brian's room is too boyish. Megan goes home come morning and I need to go grocery shopping with my mother. I'm able to wear a pair of Kathy’s jeans. Other than not having her hips, it's a good fit and feels good as well as it looks. I am surprised as either people do not recognize me or just don't so.
Come 6 o’clock I begin to change into the cheerleaders uniform for the last time, when Kathy informs me I need to go shower and shave. I feel silly shaving under my arms but Kathy reminds me that it's needed. Mom pins a large mum onto my top before I leave the house. Megan’s mom gives us a ride to the community center. There are two other guys dressed as cheerleaders but I am the only one people se as a girl. Meg and I were dancing when two guys cut in. I was surprised that neither of them suspected I was a boy. When the music slowed down I find myself dancing with another guy.
Brad seemed to know I'm a guy as he said I looked better than most of the girls. He even has our picture taken together. A few cheerleaders take the three of us aside and teach us a cheer we're to do with them. I'm complimented on how well I do, but Megan tells me I tried too hard to be one of the girls. When I ask if it showed she said, “That's the problem; you didn’t try that hard but you do look like a cheerleader.” She stares at me, “Most of the guys still don’t realize you are not a girl.”
I need to go to the bathroom and it's at that point some guys caught on as I tried to use the boys’ bathroom. Megan shares she was not comfortable taking me into the girls room.
I decide to leave the community building and get some air that's when I'm stopped by three guys. One had danced with me and is upset that I wasn’t a girl. I apologize but they would not let me pass. I don't want to make a scene so I do not yell for help.
Rich grabs my breast thinking it would be paper or a balloon. He gets angrier and calls me a queer and it's then a fight begins. I don't yell, but fought back. I kicked Rich in between his legs and he goes to the ground but his friends take to pulling my hair and holding me as Rich hits me and I go to the ground. When I try to get up I'm kicked. But I grab and pull one guy down and I'm beating on him when they finally overtook me.
Then I hear someone saying, I would be alright and I heard a siren. I am loaded into an ambulance and when the medic asked my name. I tell him Brian, but he thinks I'm naming one of the people who hit me. I hear the other helper share, “I think that is her name.”
My side is aching and my face felt like a punching bag as does my mid section. Megan greets me at the hospital but staff keeps her there to give information. They want to cut off my uniform but I insist I can take it off. Which, I'm doing until I faint.”
I have to wait until my parents come before they will treat me. Megan's allowed to wait with me, and Kathy comes before my parents. They're apologizing but I say, "It wasn't my fault nor theirs." I squeezed Megan’s hand saying, “I guess I enjoyed being a girl too much.” Kathy shares I made a good sister. I give a nurse permission to remove my breast forms before mom arrives. I'm surprised they knew what to use.
She's a young nurse and is very nice. “I am sorry your experience as a pretty girl had to end this way.”
I asked, “Would you think I was crazy, if I said it was worth it?” She talks with me awhile and I really enjoy our visit. She shares she would stay with me if I wished. She says she had a younger sister and it worries her that boys might be so mean too her.
She's given an order to start a catheter, but asks, “Would you want a male nurse or an older woman to do it?” We talk and I'm sure she could do it as well as anyone. Even the emergency doctor looks at me as a woman. Though I learned she did so at the direction of another doctor and becomes my doctor.
Mom is now with me and I ha an ex-ray taken and received a few stitches. They wanted to keep me for observation as well as for me to meet with the police. The only problem is Peds is filled and they want me on a medical floor. Mom shares the choices are GYN/OB or the cancer floor. I'm not adverse to either floor so mom suggests I go to GYN where I will be assured a private room.
Everyone's to be sent home because I needed rest, but I have to stay awake because of the possibility of a concussion. The young nurse Jeri volunteers to stay with me if it's okay. I'm taken to the OB/GYN floor, and need to change my hospital gown. Jeri laughs when they bring a pink gown and was going to have it changed. I ask to wear it instead. My folks, Kathy and Megan all see me before they leave.
Mom decides to stay along with Megan an extra 30 minutes. The police come to question me and I become upset when they ask what I might have done to cause the fight.
I ask if it look like I started the fight. I'm told that one of the two boys was really hurt. When I tell them there were three guys that is news to them. I identified Richard and his friend Jeff but I didn’t know who the third guy was. One officer shares, "It was Sam who you had given a good beating to."
I share, “He was the second guy who kicked me.”
The fight probably did not last more than five minutes but it took the better part of a half hour to give my information. I'm asked several times why I didn’t yell both by the hospital and now the police. My answer remained the same; I was embarrassed to yell looking like a girl. I'm told my male pride got the best of me. Mom is now sorry and she wants to stay but has Megan to take home. Megan shares she isn’t going home either.
It is 4:30 a.m. before Jeri and Megan come up with the idea of redoing my nails. When I'm okay with that mom asks if she could brush my hair, but that hurt and she only gets it looking well enough. I'm soon a tour spot for nurses and aides during their breaks. A nurse jokes that they have a pair of teddy bear pajamas if I wanted. I would have used them except for the catheter. Jeri went home at 6:30 in the morning after my doctor came around. I'm doing fine but she wants to keep me to rest and for continued observation. Mom and Megan stay until I fall asleep.
They're back around 3 p.m., Doc gave me permission to go home by 5:00 p.m. I laughed as dad brings a Brianna outfit just in case. We laughed and I agree I probably would be in one again. It would be by my choice and not me trying to prove anything to others or myself.
I dress in slacks and a sweat shirt to go home but the pants are extremely uncomfortable. The soreness has been growing since it woke up earlier. I'm asked to measure the pain but had told them a level. I say, "It was a 4 though it continues to get worse. My last set of vitals before my dismissal show the spiking of a fever to 102.2 degrees. Doctor Reid guesses by my guarded steps where to look for a problem. By feeling the heat in my groin she's fairly sure I have an abscess in my abdomen and an infection in one testicle.
One testicle had a splinter lodged in it and the abscess was in an area that received multiple kicks. My doctor was overruled about doing the surgery herself. The head surgeon was to do my surgery. The draining of my abscess is routine, but the surgeon decides to take my infected testicle, not realizing the other one had been more severely damaged.
My doctor is furious as are my parents. I'm angry when the surgeon comes to check me. I was accepting the idea of being a girl more quickly than others. But I'm still very angry everything happened because of the surgeon insisted on taking over my case.My original doctor takes my case back over and I insist that the head surgeon would not be checking or touching me ever again.
Dad's puzzled when I ask for my teddy bear pajamas. He tries to protect me and make promises. When I tell him I'm not going to be a eunuch, he's startled. He did not understand; I meant I'm to be a girl. Mom's upset when I ask Mrs. Cummings about going to Megan’s school.
I was already scared about going to my school; I felt like Brian had literally got his balls kicked in and cut off. While part of me likes the idea of being a girl, it also scares me. Mom and Kathy apologize for encouraging me to dress as a cheerleader. “My getting beaten up is not your fault and I don’t think it is my fault. But some thing has happened that is not going to change. While the beating hurt and I am afraid Brian would be beaten up again. People can try to protect me and maybe Monday I won’t be so scared. But guys like Rick look for times others aren’t around. I am afraid if three were not enough there will be more or bigger guys the next time. I don’t think being Brianna is safe either. The testicle, they wanted to remove because it was damaged is still there and the one that should be isn’t.”
We are interrupted by a psychiatrist, she's willing to come back, but mom and I agree we need her now. Dr. Lee first visits with all of us and then me. I think she was initially sent by the hospital as a precaution; they're worried about their liability. She assures us that if we want her as my/our psychiatrist that is the way it would be. She seems old enough to me and I joke she's about my parents age. Mom says she was younger and I tell mom, I thought mom was as young as she was.
Mom thinks she's only 36 while Mom is forty-five. Whatever her age, everyone gave her credit for being a good doctor. I was to be in the hospital until Tuesday and Dr. Lee would visit with Dr. Reid as well as a specialist in transgender and sex-reassignment concerns. She has counseled with a number people with a variety of lifestyles including youth, about the possibility of a change. She did have clients and others who she knew during their changes.
Mom gets a call from my brothers, they knew I was in the hospital but they did not know what had happened. They're upset they were not told. Mom said they could be upset but Brian needed their understanding and support. They are good brothers; we don't always agree but they would be there for me as I would for them.
Rick, the guy who beat me had big brothers and my brothers agreed with me that Rick and his brothers might try something rougher. They weren’t suppose to do anything, but I was pretty sure they would deliver a message to Rick and his brothers somehow. Ron drove home the point that no one was to be hassled. I guess he and two of his friends messed up the brothers pretty good.
Both my brothers are married and I was pleasantly surprised that my sister-in-laws are supportive of me. One even shared if I needed another sister to confide in she would do her best. Mandy said she thought she had seen traces of make-up on me before. She asked me if it was true. I could not remember a time she might have seen it, but agreed it could have happened. I was surprised that everyone agreed, one of my options was to become a full-time girl.
My dad had his own business and my oldest brother worked in the company. I'm afraid that they might lose business if I sought to become a daughter, as many customers knew the family. Dad matter of factly said, “The good customers and friends will understand and the others can be replaced.”
It is two weeks before I get back to school. It would be during the winter break when my other testicle will be surgically removed, but I'm already living as Brianna. I can’t say the change is easy. I did and didn’t choose to become a girl. I am going to school with my best friend, But I know by best friend will never be my girlfriend like I had hoped.
I am beginning to feel an attraction to boys as hormones are begin to take hold, and my body is no longer producing testosterone. I’m only beginning to mature as a teen girl. But I’m a girl frightened by memories and I am not comfortable with being attracted to boys.
Jeri has become my second big sister and she’s the one I can confide. Kathy loves me but she has her own guilt that she’s wrestling with. We share good times and exchange clothes. I feel bad that I kind of dump on Jeri. I guess I am surprised how strong she is. She has a petite frame and is the kind of girl, woman I’d now like to be.
And still there's Megan my best friend. She too feels a bit guilty, but we're friends and share what's troubling us.
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