Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 146

Printer-friendly version

Is cleaning cages a dangerous occupation, it seems likely that Cathy could find stamp collecting dangerous....see what I mean?

Easy As Falling Off A Bike.
by Angharad.
part:146.

I held my mobile clicking off the lock on the keypad, then switched off the ringtone, opting for vibration only. I slipped it into the pocket of my skirt.

I closed the cage I was working on as quietly as I could, and walked around the cages, which are quite large, towards the source of the noise.

"Ah there you are," Mary Miller came walking into the department with a mug of coffee.

To say I sighed with relief was an understatement. "Phew, Mary you frightened the life out of me."

"Sorry about that, Cathy, I knew from the rota it was your weekend to do the cages, so I thought I'd bring you a coffee."

"That's very kind of you. You don't come down here very often, do you?"

"No, I'm usually too busy with grumpy's typing to get around very much. In fact I'm behind at the moment, that's why I'm in today, while it's quiet. Well drink your coffee before it gets cold."

I took a sip of the dark fluid, it was actually much too strong for my taste and I had visions of twitching later on, I do when I have too much coffee, my legs get twitchy. Ugh, it was horrible, but with her watching, I had to drink it.

"Thanks, I'll just wash the mug."

"It's okay, I have to do mine, see you later."

"Yes okay, thanks." I went back to my chores and was glad that they were almost finished. The last cage done and dusted, I sat down, I felt really strange. I was dizzy and confused, not even sure how to get out of the room let alone back to my car. Did I have a car? I couldn't remember.

"Hello Cathy, remember me?"

I looked at the woman, she was familiar, but what was her name, Mary? I felt myself almost falling off the chair. I somehow managed to press a button on my phone when the vibration started, but it all get's hazy after that.

"Come with me, Catherine," she lifted me off the seat, "don't be alarmed, it was just a little rohypnol I put in your coffee, so you won't remember who it was who modified you. Ha ha, well I think it's funny, but then I'm not in your predicament am I?"

I felt someone pulling me and then making me lie down on something hard. "Before I start to modify you, I'll tell you why I'm doing it. You see, essentially, I'm jealous. Yes jealous of you, with your designer clothes and youth, yes bloody youth.

I've spent fifteen years slaving for that man, doing his letters and his typing, keeping his diary, making his coffee. He doesn't even notice me unless I'm off, when he has to get off his big fat arse and do things for himself.

But then I love him, I do, I actually love the tiresome old prig, but he doesn't notice me, not one bit, not one fucking bit.

When you first came here, I recall you had a good rapport with everyone, we all liked Charlie, nice boy a bit of a pansy, but we all liked you. The Prof liked you too, he could see potential in you and he wanted the university to develop it. I thought it was a good idea too.

You rewarded his interest in you, by doing one of the best surveys and dissertations he'd ever seen, he was ecstatic with your initial draft because he knew he could use it in his government report. Your potential was being achieved.

Then you had a long chat with him one day after you were off for a couple of weeks with so called, food poisoning. You were in a loony bin, weren't you, tried to kill yourself after your father called you a fucking poof and beat you up! Well we all knew you were as queer as a four pound note, my little pansy, we all knew it was common knowledge. Never seen with a girl, so we all knew.

Then there was the phone call to Dr Thomas. Oh yes, I listened in on that, just in case there was anything going on between my Tom and that shrink woman. There wasn't, but there was with you wasn't there?

He said he called her with your permission, to confirm you were transsexual, ha ha a girly poof! He asked how he could help you when and if you were to changeover, transition they call it, don't they? Ah but you can't think of anything now can you my helpless little girlyboy.

Well I was intrigued, I mean we'd had one of your sort before, not in this department, but in the computer lot, seems it's epidemic amongst geeks and nerds. Must be all those electromagnetic waves, turns their brains.

Anyway my little girlyboy, the professor was very fond of you and wanted to help. Fond of you, the bastard, what had you done for him? Sod all, whereas I slaved for him daily, I loved him, and he gets fond of you, you bloody fairy!

And then what happens, you seem to getting girlier by the week and I was sure you were growing breasts and that little bum was waggling all over the place. The only thing that was waggling more were the tongues, they were beginning to think that Tom was gay. My Tom a fucking queer like you? Bah! He's a red blooded man, unlike you. I watched him sniffing around young, nubile women. Well I could hardly compete with them could I, too long in the tooth for that.

But then he comes into the department late from a meeting, they've been looking for him all over the place and he tells me to cancel his meetings, he had an important call to make. He calls the Dean. I decide I'd better be appraised of this. So I intercept and listen, the wonders of modern technology, I can do this without the microphone on my handset being active. He didn't know, in fact he still doesn't know. Silly old fool.

It seems he's only telling the dean that he has just run into one of his students in the town wearing a dress and makeup. Well I wonder who that could be? Ha ha, it was so funny. Or it was until he said, he thought you were going to change over, and that it appeared imminent and that he thought you were quite a convincing girl, quite pretty too.

So, you were making a play for my man, were you, you disgusting creature. Then the next thing, you come bouncing in here in bloody dresses and he's taking you out to lunch at any opportunity. When does he take me out to lunch? On my birthday if he fucking remembers, that's when!

So I thought I'd warn you off, but you were too fucking stupid to get the message, weren't you? You kept coming in here with ever more sexy outfits and he was drooling over you. Do you know how it feels to be ignored by someone you love? And worse, for that love to be shown to some filthy degenerate? Do you know how that feels? No of course you don't, you're a man, no a boy, a dirty arse-bandit boy. A shirt-lifting deviant! That's what you are, masquerading as a woman, you make my flesh creep!

Then, he says you remind him of his daughter - how can a boy remind someone of their daughter? You must be turning his mind or something. He has the big meeting at his house and he invites you to be the hostess - you, how dare he? Why didn't he send for me? At least I'm a woman, and have acted as hostess many times at different functions. Oh yes, when I was younger, he'd have asked me.

Why didn't he ask one of his other staff members, we have two or three nice women here, and a lovely technician, but no, he asked you, and you spent the night there didn't you, you bitch! You slept with him didn't you? I know, I watched the house. You left at lunchtime without any knickers on, you filthy whore! I'll bet your arse was sore, you filty pervert. What had you done to him, corrupted him?

Then he wants to make you the pin-up for the survey project, you a boy, he wants to have you grinning like a jackass from posters all over the country, showing a bit of tit, which I bet is all bra and padding. There are a thousand proper women in this department of biological sciences, why does he have to pick on a fornicating fairy like you instead of one of them?

You didn't heed my warnings, so the time of retribution is at hand. I am going to modify you, so your horrible habits will bring you no more fun. I am also going to feed your genitals to the rats. Lets see them sew those back on.

Let's move your expensive skirt up, just out of the way, wouldn't want to get blood on it would you, then we pull your pretty little panties down and....ARRRGHH! You are a woman, you little trollop! You are a woman, NO NO NO! It's not fair! It isn't fair!"

"MARY! Put that knife down."

"Oh, come to save your little whore have you? You bastard, you made me think she was a boy, but she isn't, she's a girl, a woman. You lied to me."

"I didn't want you to think I was interested in anyone but you Mary, and I'm not."

"You lied to me, I'm going to carve up her pretty face and body."

"What for Mary, she's engaged to be married, to someone else."

"A likely tale, she slept with you, I saw her leave the house, without any knickers."

"She slept with Simon, her fiance. Look on her finger, she's wearing a ring."

"I'll bet you gave it to her, the whore!"

"Take a look at it Mary, take a good look and tell me if you think I could afford a ring like that."

"Yeah so, it's not real stones."

"They are Mary, she's engaged to a millionaire, she's going to become a Viscount's wife. She doesn't want me, except as a teacher and guide. I want her as a pupil to develop to eventually lead a department like this, perhaps even this one. But as for love, It's you I want Mary, so come on put the knife down."

"What about your dinner party? Why didn't you ask me? I could have been a perfect hostess, instead of that little trollop."

"I needed her there for her knowledge of the project, it was all hush hush, the under secretary was there, only members of the team or funders were invited, remember we had to switch it from Bristol at the last minute, their mammal expert was down with some bug. Cathy was the next best thing."

"And why are you using her on you posters and not one of the other students, or even a model?"

"Because the bank who are funding the campaign want her on the front, the under secretary wants her on the front, and at least she is involved in the scheme, not just some brainless bimbo from an advertising agency."

"How do I know I can believe you?"

"How about if I ask you to move in with me Mary?"

"Ha, you're lying, I know you are, you just want to save this little whore, so you can continue your affair."

"Mary, if you harm her, I shall send you away from me. I shall banish you, you'll never see me again. If you harm her, I shall hate you with all my being, is that what you want?"

"No Tom, it isn't. I want you for myself for ever."

I'm told that the police marksman made one hell of a shot, he hit her in the head as she stabbed at the professor. He got a nasty shoulder wound, but he's doing okay.

Apparently, he phoned me because he knew I was going to the university to do the cages. He didn't know I'd actually be there, but he wanted some notes he'd left on Mary's desk, he needed to modify them. He heard her talking to me, and became aware she was making threats, he called the police and rushed over to the labs.

They decided as he'd heard the conversation about her jealousy of me, he'd try and talk her down, once she was disarmed, they could take her in and get her checked over by a shrink, they thought she had paranoid delusions. Because there was a weapon involved the Hampshire Constabulary had an armed response team attend, including a marksman. He was in the nextdoor building and could see down into the lab through the window.

The Superintendent in charge issued an instruction to stop her if it looked as if the Professor or I were at risk of a wound. They saw the knife flash and he popped her.

We all attended her funeral, she was a sad and sick woman. I missed out on all the action, I still don't know why she didn't try to mutilate me, unless of course she thought she saw something that isn't there yet. If she looked carefully, she'd have seen what it was, a simulacrum. So my life might have been saved by some superglue, because I was unconscious, I suppose I'll never actually know.


Well me dears, waddya think of that then? Comments on a twenty pound note, usual address, my bank.

up
158 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos

Comments

Wow.

Just - like 'Wow' Who's a clever girl then ... and not just because she won a Grauniad crossword prize (which impresses me no end!)?

I sincerely hope this doesn't complete the story though I guess it could herald it. If it has, a thousand thanks for entertaining me and, I suspect, a good few others for 146 days. Really wonderful stuff which has perhaps helped you almost as much as it has entertained us.

Geoff (who struggled with the Observer 'Quick' crossword today)

btw do you take Paypal - I'm fresh out of £20 notes ;)

That was unexpected

Wow...I didn't expect anything like this chapter at all. Has Alfred Hitchcock been reincarnated?

I guess the nasty notes will stop but there are still the two creeps in the building. Now no real excuse to move in with Simon and Stella except to be their cook and baker.

Great job!

Not to me! Ha!

I called it! I knew if the Ill-Wisher wasn't Agnew, it was his secretary! I even commented on the theory. See? I'm not as daft as you all think!
Edeyn Hannah Blackeney

Wasn't it Jim Henson who said, "Without faith, I am nothing," after all? Wait, no, that was God. Sorry, common mistake...

Holy Cow

I never expected it to be Mary. I thought that it was one of the students from an earlier chapter. Keep up the great episodes. I look forward to a new chapter each night.

Marc

Re: Holy Cow

Marc,

First of all, did you remember to pay royalties to the estate of Harry Caray (who was the play-by-play announcer of the Chicago Cubs and famous for saying, after a memorable play, "Holy cow!")? ;-)

At first, a lot of us probably thought the poison pen letter writer was that cow who was so upset about Cathy using the ladies' loo. However, it was revealed some time ago that she was no longer part of the department, having finished her study course.

The longer it went on, the more likely Mary seemed to be for me. Whenever Cathy would visit Prof. Agnew's office, Mary seemed just a little bit TOO friendly toward her!

Cathy was smart to have turned her cell phone to "vibrate" when she did; and fortunate to have had the good professor call her when he did! And it is fortunate that he heard what Mary was saying and realized that his star pupil was in dire danger. We can only surmise that he was already on his way to the department building to make that change to the note he had wanted to amend when he was placing the call; and he immediately rushed to the animal labs, where he knew Cathy would be.

Now that this mystery has been resolved, is it possible for our heroine to have more than a day or two of peace and quiet? NAAAAAAH!

By the way, Angharad, great job on how you handled this chapter!

Jenny

Thank ’eavens for Supair Glue…

…as Maurice Chevalier might have sung!

Angharad, I never thought that would happen. You are such a clever wee gir-rl, as we say in Scotland (even though I live as a sassunnach these days).

You have left me speechless—some achievement, girlfriend.

Multiple hugs,

Gabi

Gabi.


“It is hard for a woman to define her feelings in language which is chiefly made by men to express theirs.” Thomas Hardy—Far from the Madding Crowd.

If you think about it

That is the second time it has saved her.

If I could

I would cover you with a twenty pound notes.

Great chapter!

Hugs, Fran

Hugs, Fran

Since the notes started...

...I had suspicions that it was the guy who ran the corner store. I figured it was some cultural and/or religious thing that caused him to be so offended that he felt that he had to threaten Cathy.

Like others, I'm hoping that this isn't the end of the soap. You can always introduce a new villain or two.

Keep up the excellent work, Angharad.

Not gloating

I called it! I called it! I called it!!!!!!!!!!!
(No much, anyway.)

Wadda I win?

"Being a girl is wonderful and to torture someone into that would be like the exact opposite of what it's like. I don’t know how anyone could act that way."

College Girl - poetheather


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

Sorry Sis,

Angharad's picture

Cos you're family, you're exempt from prizes. And who says blondes are dumb.

Mind you until I started writing, I didn't know who was going to come around the cage. Not bad bit of improvisation, I suppose.

hugs,

Angharad.

Angharad

That's Putting It Mildly

You, my dear Auntie, are the Charlie Parker of the Big Closet :) Your flights of fancy leave us all breathless...a sensation we've all become quite fond of, if ya know what I mean!

I can't shake a feeling of sadness that's rooted in the fact that your last couple of paragraphs felt an awful lot like a conclusion. If this was indeed the end of this story, it certainly went out with a bang.

Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur

Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur

I'll gloat!

Because I got it, too! Nyah!
Edeyn Hannah Blackeney

Wasn't it Jim Henson who said, "Without faith, I am nothing," after all? Wait, no, that was God. Sorry, common mistake...

Yes you did

And I read it. Good job.

The above was what you won. Sorry about the late delivery.

Ouch

That one was a real stunner!

I do so hope it is not the end of the story. We still have to find out about Simon's dad and especially his mom. Also the two idots at the apartment.

Good job Angharad.

Hugs
Joni

That was

not what I was expecting.Someone else had mentioned the secretary but I would have thought it would have been someone else maybe Bonzi.Amy M

Good Heavens!

My stomach is in knots! You scared me to bits with this scene.

I was wondering about the extended exposition on Mary's part, but as you chose to snuff her, I suppose that was the only opportunity to get her story out. Would have been harder after she was dead. Still, I can't help feeling that it would have been more dramatically satisfying to have her hauled away in a straight jacket to the rubber-room farm than stuffed in a body bag.

Holy for God's sake

That was a near thing wasn't it?

Looks like the prof's in need of a new secretary then...

Presumably that's not the end of the story is it?

I do hope not.

Please tell me it isn't.

See my blog- Easy Over?

Angharad's picture

I'm not saying anything except, I shall continue or stop, depending upon the wishes of the readers. How's that for democracy? (and they said it couldn't happen in the capitalist west!).

Angharad.

Angharad

Ending? We don't need no stinking ending!

What is this about an ending?????? at 146 chapters the story is just getting good!!
What about 'Daddy'? What about Simon?? What about stella and her crazy ideas??? Does our heroine get her study off the ground? Does she become 'dr. dourmouse'? What about SRS? What about her wedding when she becomes Lady Stained Glass-something-or-other....?How many bridesmaids are there? What were her colors?? Does she wreck ANY of simon's cars?? Does she get Stella to take up cycling???
so-o-o-o-o-o-o-o many questions!!! How can you end a story here when there is so much more to tell???

I vote for the story to continue!!

Huggs,
Lisa Elizabeth
(I am honestly working on my story, just r-e-a-l-l-y slow going compared to this one!!)

Lisa09051_1.jpg

Stella cycling?

Unlikely, but if she did (I've only just got here - haven't read the remaining 560+ chapters yet!) she'd quickly learn that cycling with the same attitude as her driving wouldn't be a very good idea! (excessive risk taking is likely to result in a trip to hospital...)


As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!

Well, I am voting continue

Well, I am voting continue the story, with both hands in the air, very democractic heh, heh. No "hanging chads" there.
Now that I am able once more to get into TopShelf, I can't wait to see how the story goes and how it actually ends. The present "ending" is simply the old pregnant pause to get everything else moving. Cathy still has the press/media to contend with and we all need to see how she handles Daddy and other items on her "plate".
Hugs, Janice Lynn

Evil Mailer may NOT be Mary

Well, Mary may have been an ill wisher (kinda obvious now)... But did she follow Cathy to the hospital to put the note on her windshield?

Maybe Cathy's not quite free of ill wishers. Perhaps we shouldn't cheer too much yet.

Phran

Don't you dare stop now!

I'd use the old saw, 'It's just getting interesting.' but that would be a fib.
It's been interesting since the gitgo, but Cathy's life is just getting going. Give her a break, dear.

Holly

One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness.
It usually comes back to you.

Holly

Part 146

marie c.

Good suspense! Angharad, when is your full-length Pulitzer coming out?

marie c.

I know I'm a bit behind

KevSkegRed's picture

Yeah, I'm still catching up, still loving the story, I was so convinced that it was Stella that left the notes, but only because she wanted Cathy to move in with her and Simon, so she was trying to scare her into it. Still a damn good read after 146 chapters, they should turn it into a soap and replace Coronation Street with it.

Kev [Ρĥàńŧāśĩ»ßő™], Skeg Vegas, England, UK.

KevSkegRed, Skeg Vegas, England, UK.

Nope, sorry but no. That was

Nope, sorry but no.
That was too contrived for my taste.
I like your writing but this comes out of the blue without any warning.
You should have built it up so that the reader would have been able to connect the clues and accept the idea when Mary goes bonkers.

Yoron

Perhaps you should learn to listen

This is the second time now that you have decided to make a comment about where or how YOU feel the author should go with their stories.

When are you going to learn--negativity goes privately?

Surely if your work was found lacking, you would not want to be taken to task in front of everyone would you?

NB

Jessica
I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.

I don't see anything wrong with the comment...

Frank's picture

It wasn't a personal insult to the author and was expressing their opinion this chapter. I don't see her suggestion of how it should have or could have been written telling the author "where to go with their stories" it was offering in the commenter's view a better way than how it was done..that's called constructive criticism and what comments are for aside from fawning praise.

Hugs

Alexis

Hugs

Frank

it was a bit sudden...

But I'd disagree about it being "contrived"... Even though the author herself calls this entire series such, if you pay attention to her comments.

There WERE clues that Mary wasn't quite as she seemed in previous chapters, especially more in regards to her interest in the prof. There weren't really any clues at all that she was such a bigot, but hey, some people are REALLY good at hiding their bigotry.

This story is written in first person from Cathy's POV... We should NEVER EVER "KNOW" anything before Cathy does. Period. So no, I think Angharad pulled this off stunningly.

And she claims she's just making it up as she goes... If she is, she's insanely good at it. I think we all could learn a few things about character-driven story writing from her. Even if she doesn't think that's what she's doing. ;)

Abigail Drew.

Finally got the "who" in "whodunit"

I had been thinking it was her. Maybe I should go buy lotto tickets tonight. Ill split it with you Angharad.


I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

we say, "queer a sa three dollar bill"

What was that, a dream sequence??????? not fair.
Nother one like that and I'm tossing the boat back in the water to kill some fish "Do you expect me to talk ?, No Mr Bond I expect you to die !"
Auric, Auric

Cefin

Wow! Wow! That was really

Wow! Wow! That was really off the wall. And, I'm glad that the Professor came to the rescue.

Hair Raising Chapter

The temperature here in Toronto right now at 3:22 AM is 26°C (79°F), but feels like 36°C (97°F), yet while reading this, the hair on my arms was standing straight up, it's only starting to settle now. This definitely had me scared that Cathy was about to be very badly hurt or even killed.

The relief that Cathy was not physically harmed at all was immense, damn, you are an amazing writer, you had us all by the short and curlies!

Well, damn

I never saw that one coming, it was straight out of left field! Amazing.