Masks Chapter 37

Chapter 37

*Before…
We leave heading for class and I sneak a look back and Elizabeth just threw her Starbucks coffee in a huge splash all over the hallway wall and she’d be coming for us or at us if it wasn’t for two teacher’s bee lining it to see what’s going on.
Yeah my mask’s still on pretty tight and I might still be Stephen but I’m really Stephanie…and Stephanie's tired of getting stepped on already.
Has anyone ever came out and not taken huge amounts of bullshit?
Maybe, Maybe I’m going to find out.

*And Now…

We get around the corner and I burst out snaughling as Toni does this very, very animated victory dance with her arms and legs going like crazy and then a little robot and then some moonwalk.

Yes, I’m not that young that I don’t know what that is.

We burst of a few more times with the laughs and stuff heading off to our classes and I’m getting a few hugs from each of them as those of us that have to go off to our separate ways do and stuff. I mean it’s not like real high school and stuff but there’s like three homerooms for our grade and there’s a whole bunch of teachers that do the different subjects and all so it’s like sort of the same.

Prep for the real thing in high school I guess.

I don’t mind math class though I’m no whizz at it and stuff and I’d have to say that I’m average and computing class is pretty good too and a lot of that’s typing and learning stuff with like search engines and word processors and some art programs and stuff like cropping pictures and all the stuff that people these days would expect you to do and stuff.

Again I think that this is a lot of prep for later on and stuff in high school and like college later or community college and stuff.

Wood shop is next and that’s actually a shop that I don’t mind really though hopefully after next semester and stuff I can switch over to domestic arts. It’s a lot of basic projects and stuff here though with things that are pretty easy to do like spice racks and gun racks and stuff.

Me I did a spice rack with like three little shelves in it so there’s lots of room and that’s actually going in my room. Sugar and spice and everything nice I’m gonna use it to put my makeup bottle and nail polishes and stuff.

Well it’s a good idea I think at least and I can paint it up to match me room and stuff so it’ll match stuff. I sort of grin at the thought of what my shop teacher’s going to think when I girl it up.

After that is gym and I don’t get my things instead I get my note and I walk up to the gym teacher and pass him the note in the envelope that I got from Mom and Dad. He takes it and he looks at me and he reads it and his eyebrows go up a little bit and he looks at me.

“You don’t look sick.”

“I’m not but I have a medical condition.”

“And that is?”

“Between myself and my doctor once I see them.”

“Stephen…” adult warning voice.

I hold my hands up. “Look I’m serious and my folks are serious too that’s why they put their numbers on there and stuff.”

He looks at the note again and he sighs. “Okay get your books and go sit on the bleachers.” He doesn’t sound overly pleased.

I climb up the bleachers until I’m actually at the top and can put my back to the wall and it’s more comfortable and I kind of like the heights too, up here and kind of away from some of the other non-sporties.

And that’s another reason that I went up here. I’m a sportie, well I’m supposed to be a sportie and that earns me some evil looks for some of the kids that aren’t doing gym class for one reason or another usually medical and stuff. But I’m kinda sorts not popular with that kind of crowd. It’s nothing that I’ve done that I know of it’s just there are some kids that really have the wrong idea.

I get though that that idea’s not hard to get wrong, like with my family and us being pretty well off as families go around here and I’m on a sports team and stuff like theat.

From the outside I look like the rich jock or little baby-jock. I’m still nowhere as big as I could be…and yeah that’s on purpose too…I don’t care how smashed up I get into the boards I’m not bulking up…cardio and that’s it.

Just the thought gives me the almost shivers with from a little dysphoria tremor. Seriously this can’t stop fast enough sometimes I can’t wait to have this stop as soo as I possibly can. I take a few minutes and close my eyes and do a little breathe it out and I look down and I watch the girls doing their thing and that’s the stretches and warm ups and looking…well the way that they do and it’s not like I want to be in their pants…well not like that way…I mean I’ve got more pressing things on my mind and stuff that figuring out my sexual stuff.

Actually I’m doing one of the things that I do all the time when I watch girls and that’s picturing myself like one of them. Like how I’d like have turned out and stuff given if I was actually born the right way and stuff…it’s kinda good to think about and it’s kinda bad to think about because a lot of the time it just would leave me with this whole hollow ache inside and the overwhelming knowledge of that…they’re not me.

But I’m up here now and in the bleachers and that’s like altogether different and stuff since that actually means that Dad and Mom gave them that note getting me out of gym and much more importantly the boy’s changing room.

Just Yick, Yick, Yick, Yick…

Even if I ever was going to be into boys there’s that whole thing about not wanting to know somethings y’know?

I watch the girls as they get together and stuff and they’re doing volleyball since we’re not using the playing field for some reason and the guys are doing basketball or half-court basketball but I’m not so much interested in that. I’m self-shopping again and stuff.

Amber or her sister Amanda both are my friends but they’re my closest two matches. Shoulder length hair and good skin, light tans and their just getting into that past beginner stage of breast growth and likely going to be like B or C-cups by the time that they’re done and stuff…not too short and not too tall…they’re kind of average looking but not either. They’re both def lookers.

I’m not so sure how I feel about that though. Yeah I’d like to be pretty it’s like only natural and stuff I guess but at the same time a whole lot of bullshit and competition comes with that and that’s just from other girls.

Guys would be a combination of scary and disgusting. I’ve been there in the secret sanctum…well more like the secret rectum and the stuff that they say, the stuff that they just…guy’s even guys that are my age can be assholes.

And there’s another fear of mine too, being looked at as an interloper, as someone that’s trying to steal something from other girls.

I mean I think my friends are okay with this, they seem like their cool with this but all you have to do is to log online and go to a few sights and you’ll see that for every transition story that’s okay that there’s a hundred that just are scary or full of pain.

Sigh…I’m scared of this, and I’m sick to death of the feelings that I get from not really being me y’know. Man it feels like I’m going crazy sometime with all of this stuff.

I’m getting a look from this girl…Lucy Wilson, she’s…well she’s one of the geeky girls and I mean she’s…she’s the girl that hides out right in the middle of class and she’s the one that finds that seat that next to the windows seat but not at the back of the class but like third from the back so like to stay away from the bad kids in the back of the class or get bugged by said kid if you like sat in front of them.
I look back at her and we have a stare off which she’s so not used too because she’s getting redder and redder in the face as she’s looking at me and I bite my lower lip a little because now really looking at her she’s actually kind of cute. Actually she’s got that cute as in Kawaii adorable thing going on with these glasses and she has freckles and the baggy sweater and the sort of old school skirt and stuff.

I gesture to her with a come hither look and she turns away going really red and she’s not going to come to me so I get up and I go down to her…I sit and she “Eeep!”

“Okay I’ve never made someone Eeep before.”

“I…I…” She’s got her hands in front of her face now. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to stare.”

“Uhm okay, but why were you staring if I can ask?”

“I…I was just wondering why you were staring at the g…girls…instead of the guys…?” She almost ducks her head.

“Oh…well was I supposed to be watching the guys?”

“Uhm…..”

I lean over and look at her and she side eyes me. “Because I’m gay right?”

Holy…if she gets any redder she might pop something…but she nods.

I point with a finger and give Lucy a questioning eyebrow. “Those guys right? I’m supposed to be attracted to those guys?”

She looks at me and then at them and she looks at me…and her eyes get bigger and she starts to laugh.

Oh…em…geee…she has this crazy laugh that’s more of this crazy girl cackle and it goes full on into a snort!

It’s completely amazeballs cute.

She covers her face again because of it and peeks through to look at me and I haven’t changed my expression at all and she starts to snigger and giggle and snort all over again…it’s amazing because it’s all different and her laugh is all over the place and I’m smiling and I can’t help it.

I extend my hand to her. “I’m Stephen.”

She bites her lower lip and she takes my hand and shakes it. “I’m Lucy.”

“Well Lucy it’s really cool to finally meet you.”

She nods. “You’re my first.”

“I am?”

She nods.

“Your first what?”

“They first person that I’ve met since I started school this year…” She sort of blushes shy and stuff again.

“Well then I’m honored…”

She smiles and it’s shy sweet then questioning again. “So why not those guys?”

“I know how well they wipe.”

She cracks up laughing again and the gym teacher blows the whistle. “Wilson keep it down!”

Lucy Eeeps again and now I’m the one that’s laughing.