CHAPTER 12
It was so, so hard for so long afterwards. I knew who they were, I knew where they lived, I knew where they parked, but my priority had to be my sister. I was the big girl, the strong one, and I had Siân. Always there, always in support, I had her. Sar wasn’t alone, and far from it, for Mam and Dad would be there as long as they lived, and Arris was a true friend, but Sarah was fading steadily.

I caught up with her one day in Morriston for lunch, and she gave me a twisted smile. “They all know at work now, Lainey. All the crap in the papers, aye? No way they couldn’t know”

“They not a good bunch, then?”

A repeat of that smile, and weary, weary eyes. “In the shop, aye, but the customers… I’m not paranoid, Lainey, not silly, but they come in to stare. I’ve…”

She looked out of the café window, clearly looking for the right words, the ones to describe and not trigger.

“Elaine, some of them try and ask me out. I mean, what sort of man does that? They know what I am, aye?”

I took her hand. “No, chwaer fychan, no they don’t. They think they know, but they are wrong. They’re just queers who won’t admit it”

That brought a slightly better smile.

“And you call them queers, Lainey? You?”

I knew what I meant, but it took a while before my mouth could make better sense of it for her.

“Sar, look. There are people who are into men, and people who are into women, and they can be either women or men themselves, aye? There are even people who like both, but that’s not my point. I am talking about men and women who are looking for a man or a woman, and you are talking about men who are looking for a hole. It is only men, isn’t it?”

She nodded sharply.

“Sar, they’re not looking for a person, is it? Look, I know you, I know you better than anyone. You are a straight girl, aren’t you?”

“Thought that would be obvious. Wasn’t a woman put me in hospital, was it?”

I smiled. “See? No argument there. I called you a girl, and all you picked up on was being straight. These men, they don’t want a girl, they just want a well-presented place to masturbate in”

A twitch. “You saying…”

“Aye. Wankers, every one of them. Do wankers matter?”

She grimaced. “They do when they keep coming up to me, Lainey”

There was a short silence as she watched the cars in the street outside.

“Lainey…”

“Yes?”

“Addison’s, they’re a big company. Would Mam mind, you know, if I moved away?”

“How far is ‘away’ going to be?”

I knew she was lying when she said “Not that far” and it was clear there was more than thought already involved in her planning. Whatever she was up to wouldn’t be improved by nagging, so I switched tracks.

“You working on Sunday?”

“Not unless someone goes sick. Why?”

“Sunday dinner, at home, aye?”

Suddenly I received a real smile, and my little sister was back with me.

“You ready for that, Lainey?”

I nodded sharply. “Yes. I would have done it a long time ago, but, well, things happened”

“Joe happened, aye?”

“Aye. Joe happened. But there’s more to it than that, Sar. Remember what they said when we first told them? After the funeral?”

“Oh indeed. About not rubbing their noses in it, wasn’t it?”

“Exactly that. But then there’s you, and how can that not be seen? I can just about remember a frightened lonely little boy, and I think---shit, I know that Mam and Dad are the same. You don’t let them see anyone but Sarah any more”

She bristled slightly. “That’s because there has only ever been Sarah, aye?”

“I know, Sar. But being there, being real, you made it so much easier for me, aye?”

“And you thought, Sunday, you’d?”

“I did. You’ll love her, Sar”

I paused. “I do, Sarah. I really do. And she loves me. What she said the other day, well, she said she didn’t want to be forever visiting or visited, aye? I never believed all that rubbish, you know, one true love, just have to find them, innit, they’re out there”

She squeezed my hand. “Another girl, another planet?”

I laughed. “Spot on! And then Kev gets cheeky, and suddenly… suddenly I am looking at a real future, aye? Not just a series of one more day after another”

“And she’s there on Sunday? You sure Mam and Dad are OK with that?”

“Mam’s suggestion, Sar. You there?”

A much softer expression to her face now. “Elaine, cariad, I will always be there for you. You know that”

I fought down the worries that had been eating at me, about pills or a high building, and another needlessly early funeral, and brought out the brightness.

“I do. And you know it is the same for you, from me, whatever. You know what I mean. Wear something nice on Sunday”

“I always wear something nice”

“A version of ‘nice’ that covers your knees, then. I’m off; going to meet up with Siân, get a plan for Sunday, aye?”

An embrace and out of the door before I let slip what I had been afraid of.

Sunday came, and Siân drove us to the old house. For once, I actually rang the bell rather than walking straight in, and Dad answered. I saw his eyes flicker as he took in her hair and the floaty dress she had chosen for the meal, and then he smiled, took her hand and kissed her cheek.

“Welcome, welcome girl. Elaine, why the bell?”

“Stranger to the house, aye?”

He smiled at my lover. “Siân, you are not a stranger here, you are not to be a stranger. You have made my elder daughter smile, and that is all I could ask. Elaine, your mother is in the kitchen, you should join her”

“Duw, Dad, guests don’t do the work!”

“And you are not a guest, daughter. Next time, neither will this one be. Sarah is already there. In a dress that covers her more than normally. You spoke with her, didn’t you?”

“Guilty as charged. Want tea, cariad?”

As one, they said “Yes” and laughed. It was getting off to a good start, and I was seeing the future opening up. I joined Sarah and Mam and much more quickly than I had assumed we had the meal on the table. It seemed that either Dad’s push to domestic service had been symbolic, or that I had timed our arrival to perfection. There was silence for a short while as the first mouthfuls of lamb were chewed, and then Dad asked the big question.

“Siân, this is traditional for a father, aye? What are your intentions towards my daughter Elaine?”

So casual, that, so neat, to make it plain that he had two daughters. Siân twinkled.

“You have already asked me that, Mr Powell”

“Twm for now, girl. And that is Sioned beside you”

“Twm, then. We spoke of this while you were in the kitchen, Lainey. I said to your father what I said to you: I will be more than someone who visits or is visited”

There was a smile of recognition from my sister, and Siân continued.

“We would be wed, Twm, Sioned. I know the law calls it something else, but we will have our own words for it. I love your daughter more than life, and I believe she feels the same way. I would want the world to see what we can. Lainey says she told you about my own family, that they are far from happy”

Mam nodded. “Yes, she did. Please take this as I mean it, but the Gogs have always been a little, well, LIMITED in their outlook”

Dad grunted. “Aye. Imagine not being able to have a pint on a Sunday?”

Sarah laughed. “Not having one this Sunday, are you?”

“True, but if I wished to, I could. Now, your family: should we speak with them of this wedding?”

Bang. Straight to the point, no quibbles, no sophistry, no argument. How could I ever have doubted him? ‘Wedding’. I raised a hand.

“Dad, there is no halfway place we can stand here. They will either accept or they will not. This woman and I have talked, and we feel, well—“

Siân interrupted. “We feel we should give them a final chance. We travel up there when we have a date for… for our wedding. They are my family, they must have the chance to say yes or no. And with Elaine beside me, how could they say no?”

Dad nodded. “Sarah?”

“Yes Dad?”

“Do you not have your own questions?”

“Of course I have! Elaine, how many bridesmaids?”

Laughter, and teasing, and good Welsh lamb with all the trimmings. The afternoon was all we could ever have hoped or prayed for. We took our leave at the front door, and as Siân said farewell Dad simply put a finger to her lips.

“A favour I ask for, and a favour I grant. All up to you, girl. You look after my daughter here, you keep her smiling, and Twm and Sioned Powell will be there for you whenever there is need. And if… Sioned?”

Mam stepped forward and nodded to him. He smiled back, and turned to us.

“Siân, if you wish, we can be Mam and Dad”