Masks Chapter 31

Chapter 31

*Before…

Add that to Mark making apple pie…yeah he made pie and Rob and Will making hot apple cider with spices in the slow cooker.

Dad kills the some of the lights in the house and Mom puts on the radio from the stereo in the den and stuff and we all settle down for a big Saturday evening supper passing food and dishes and talking as the music plays on.

*And Now…

It’s just so nice.

Family all together and just the day that I got to have was just absolutely awesome. I mean really.

Y’know in the whole lot of dreams that I’ve had about me being really me today wasn’t on the list.

Well okay the figure skating was definitely in the whole dream of things list and stuff but before the way things seem to have changed and shifted I never thought that anything like that was going to happen or was like even possible.

Heck this whole thing with all of us here at supper was on the whole list of things that I thought were impossible.

I really enjoy this whole thing and it’s almost a whole different way maybe? I mean me as me, as Steph I’m sort of looking at this whole family thing in a more of a family way?

I know it’s a kind of girly thing…I mean feeling like this and stuff right? Or am I just projecting? I mean the guys seem to be having a good time too.

Ah well…I sooth all the deep thoughts with pork slow cooked with rosemary and salt and pepper and garlic and the sooo good crunchy pork skin that comes with each slice of the porchetta.

And after that I happily extend my plate to Mark as it comes time for apple pie.

No saucers…Those are fine but in our house we pretty much have this thing where you clean off your plate and when we all do dishes it actually makes a whole lot of sense really and we’re kinda aping dad too who has always done this instead of dirtying another dish.

The pie is actually not bad at all the filling is really good with lots of apples but I can taste cinnamon and a tiny bit of nutmeg and a nice hint too of all-spice. All-spice goes really well with a lot of things especially apples I don’t know why people don’t use it.

The crust is…well it’s chewwwwy…Mark really over worked the dough and he didn’t let it rest and chill enough before using it. Still it’s really, really cool of him to like try and Jen is definitely impressed and she’s even eating the crust.

See it’s not just guys that do that kind of thing.

But the maple whipped cream more than makes up for the crust though and it’s just good whipping cream and a couple of table spoons of maple syrup. It’s not even all that sweet but oh wow does it have that smell.

And having Will and Rob’s attempt at hot apple cider with it is just right.

They actually did a really good job with that. I mean it’s not really that hard and stuff but there are a whole slew of guys out there that don’t know even that much or could be bothered to.

I’m so stuffed that I feel like I might have to roll away from the table.

I stop and I stretch and I start to take some of the dishes. Mom looks at me. “Honey you don’t have to do that you know.”

“Mom I had a really good day so it’s just like a kind of a thank you because you guys all planned it and stuff.”

She smiles and I lean over and take her dishes and she kisses me on the cheek.

“Good girl.”

And that’s it right there, another one of those things that hits me square in my heart and squeezes it just right.

Good girl…two little words but it wasn’t the words but it was how they were said. And mom had just said it in this soft sweet everyday way.

Like she’s been saying that to me all of my life.

Or like she so gets that I’m meant to.

Two little words and a sweet mom smile.

It really doesn’t take much sometimes to make me over the moon happy.

I kiss her cheek. “You’re welcome momma.”

I know I just got some weird looks from Will and Rob when I said momma but y’know there are times for mom or mum and there’s times when momma just fits too.

Tell you the truth I fell in love with the word when I heart it used on TV with a down south accent from the states.

I actually love stuff like that.

I’m a really odd little geekette.

I like deep southern words and I like the stuff you hear on BBC.

I giggle snort when I think of someone not being arsed enough to do something. And even some of the swears and stuff.

Toe rag.

*Snerk and giggle.* Yeah I’m laughing all the way into the kitchen because my brain just sort of goes off like that sometimes and M.J. comes in with some more and she gives me this look like I’m so very, very odd.

“What the heck are you laughing at?”

“A word.”

She tilts her head. “But I didn’t hear anything?”

“Oh it was in my head.”

“Oh…uhm…okay.”

I start giggling again.

Mary Jane crosses her arms. “Okay, what’s the word?”

“Toe Rag.”

I can’t help it there’s this whole look of confusion and WTF on M.J.’s face and it sets me off. Then her expression changes as it goes from trying to figure out what it means to actually figuring out what it means.

“Oh...oh eeew Stephanie why are you even thinking about that!/”

I’m laughing. “It’s not that I’m thinking about that I was just thinking about words and how they can be cool and stuff and funny and that popped into my brain.”

“But…but Toe rag!!!?”

I look at her and she’s looking at me and we just both burst into a fit of the giggles.

We laugh and get the dishes to the sink and start running the water and that quickly becomes a thing when Mary Jane flicks water at me and I flick her back and we’re both soon having a water fight and it’s actually so much fun because I’m safe.

I’m home and I’m safe and I can be me so I can laugh the way that I just do normally and scream and be Stephanie and have this moment of fun without it feeling like something that I have to steal.

Y’know that’s kind of priceless.

We get the dishes done and we have the boys giving us funny looks when they come in with some more stuff while we’re doing it and M.J. and I are laughing.

And all it took was them being there and her saying. “Toe.”

I’m sure my brothers think I’m crazier than just being transgendered.

Which in its own way is kind of cool.

We get everything done and with nothing else to do and the parents doing the gathered parents thing and Mark taking Jen home M.J. and I head to my room and we settle it on my bed with my laptop and we go online and stuff.

I actually show her some of the video stuff that I’m into with like that You Tube tutorials and stuff but not just that but those time lapse transition things of some of the girls that are there too.

I heave a big sigh. “I so wish that was me.”

She looks over at me. “Hey you’re just as pretty as they are.”

“Uhm…no, I’m wearing a weave and fake boobs and I’m still facing down Yickville.”

“Steph c’mon you honestly think that your folks aren’t going to try and get you started?”

“I don’t know and even if they’re cool with it it’s not just up to me or them I have to go see like a bunch of shrinks and doctors before it’s even possible.”

Mary Jane slides in closer for that close girlfriend cuddle.

No not like actual girlfriend cuddle but that best friend and sister cuddle up and stuff.

It’s still cool though more than because not that long ago I’d be torturing myself with this stuff all alone and have no actual outlet for being the real me.

It’s all sorts of better than it was.

“Steph you’ll get there, I mean seriously you are such a girl.”

Her just saying that to me gives me this little bit of awesome shivers.

“Really…”

“Hmmm….you’re moany, you worry about your looks, you’re all angsty over getting your boobs and you’re just plain odd with stuff like words and things that I’ve never even heard of a guy being interested in or well…even thinking about so yeah you’re a girl.”

“Thanks Mary Jane.”

“I have the boobs therefore I must cheerlead in one form or another.”

I look at her and she gives me this semi-serious look before crossing her eyes.

I laugh. “You’re making boob jokes?”

“Hey, I’m allowed. If I have to have the bad I get the good too.”

“I’d like some good.”

“Hey…you’ll get there and who knows it runs in the family so you get on the hormones and then who knows…powy you’ll get boobs.”

“Boobies.” I snicker.

“Bewbs.” M.J. says drawing it out and making me laugh some more.

We laugh and giggle and then we play around with the computer so we can watch a movie and we end up watching *The Vow.* with that Channing Tatum guy in it and okay…emotionally it’s a very, very ow movie and then there’s him.

I’m not saying I’m having a moment but there’s some scenes where he’s interesting looking and that’s not in any way Steven looking at him.

No, no funny feeling in my panties but there’s this something that sort of says.

Oh…

I’m Mary Jane’s case very oh by the way she was staring at the screen….and other things.

Kinda makes me have that feeling that I wish I felt more one way or another.

Aunt Els calls for her and I walk her downstairs and M.J. and I hug before she and her mom head off home and I see mom and dad snuggled on the couch again making me have that sort of sigh in a good way thing and I head upstairs and I get ready for bed.

I’m actually kind of happy to do it though.

Tomorrow is Sunday.

I don’t have to go anywhere or do anything and it’s all going to be a day of just me being me.

My first real Stephanie day.

I take my hair off and set it on the head thingy I have for it and I go and take a shower and use lots of shower gel and stuff and get myself smelling all girl-right and then head to my room in my robe.

I put on some music to listen to and I take my time getting ready and stuff. Lotion and powder where I think I need it and make my bed and get it all ready and comfy and then I brush and take care of my hair…well my weave but I do mine too…

“Short…it’s short but it’s a cute butchie cut…it’s not a boy’s cut.” And you know if I comb it just right it does sort of look like that.

I could do more but wearing hair product to bed would be just a really bad idea.

I get into my bed clothes…and thin cotton band bra thing…it’s not like one with straps and it’s not one of those sports bras but it’s like a thin white soft cotton bra-tee-shirt. Yes I’m wearing my boobs to bed and yes I showered with them on…they don’t have to come off tonight and I really, really want this too.

I want to sleep like me.

Then it’s a night shirt…Fluttershy actually and some cute but pretty normal panties and I slip into bed and I turn the lights off and settle in.

I can just sort of remember how right it felt when I rolled over onto my side and snuggled up against my spare pillow and that weight shift thing, the form and pressure and then it was drifting away…smiling.

This was good…so good.

Tomorrow will be better.