Operation Rescue: In Plain Sight - Chapter 2

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Operation Rescue: In Plain Sight
Chapter 2
ElrodW

A young man, feeling totally unwanted by his family, runs away. He needs to find a way to survive, and eventually, he stumbles into an Op Rescue clinic.
Pete completes his surgery, and then has to start learning to not live in fear, while the staff has to work with Pete to understand what really motivates him, and what his fears are. A new friendship seems to be developing.
(Counting the prologue, this is part 3 of 8)

Note - for some reason, the Prologue isn't showing up on the story list. If you go to my stories under the authors tab, you'll be able to find the prologue. I suggest you read it if you haven't; it sets the stage for Pete's feelings of rejection and his running away.

Operation Rescue: In Plain Sight - Prologue
Operation Rescue: In Plain Sight - Chapter 1

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Chapter 2



This story is copyright by the author. It is protected by licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

"Okay, here's the score," Rachel said tersely to Pete. She stood, leaning against her desk, in a posture designed to enhance her authority, while Pete sat on the sofa and Beth in one of the chairs. "It'll take a little time to find an apartment, especially with the housing market these days, so until your surgery, I've got you in an extended-stay hotel just down the street. We have a few suites reserved, so you'll be in one of those."

"Um," Pete stammered, "how do I pay for that?"

Rachel smiled. "First of all, you're going to be on a salary once we start your surgical ... adaptations. Second, until then, the hotel is just part of our overhead. We have to have some rooms always ready in case clients from other cities are in town, or if we have people from the corporate offices visiting. So we just permanently booked a few rooms. You'll be in one of those as our guest for now." She noticed that Pete was fidgeting, and had an uncomfortable expression. "I take it you don't like that?"

"Um, no, it's pretty generous," Pete quickly replied, "but ...."

Rachel laughed at his discomfort. "You don't want to take anything that would make you feel obligated toward someone, right?"

"Uh, not really." The wary edginess in Pete's voice was back — in spades.

"And I'd bet that you feel owing someone gives them a degree of control over you, which you really dislike, right?"

"Yeah," Pete admitted, staring defiantly at Rachel as if he was daring her to try to tell him why he _shouldn't_ feel so untrusting.

"Think if it this way — when you signed the contract, you became part of our team. It's not you against us. We're all a team. We're all working for your success. But just like any other team," she added in a cautionary tone, "you have obligations to the team."

Pete looked at her, searching her expression for some hint of an underlying meaning, a hidden agenda. But he saw none. "Okay." He didn't sound convinced.

Because you don't have anyone to take care of you, while you're recovering from surgery, you'll be staying in our hospital wing, where the nurses," she pointedly glanced at Beth, "can take care of you. Once you've recovered and can do light lifting, you can move to an apartment."

"Okay."

"There are a few nice apartments within a few blocks of the clinic," Beth added helpfully.

"But ... I don't have a car. I don't have a bus pass. I can't get around except for walking," Pete protested.

"Since I've got a car, and I'm on late shift this week, I'll help you look," Beth reassured him, earning herself a warning glance from Rachel.

"You're also going to have to set up a bank account, so you have a place to deposit your checks and save your money," Rachel continued. She saw the alarm on Pete's face.

"I don't want any records," Pete said. His voice sounded as frightened as his expression showed. "I don't want _them_ to find me!"

"With the privacy laws that exist today, your bank account, and identity, are secure. No one is going to be told where you are or where you do your banking." Rachel knew that they were going to have a lot of work with Pete to get him through his paranoid fear of his family. It was unhealthy to be living with as much fear as he was.

**********

Beth held Pete's hand as he lay on the gurney in the pre-op ward. "It'll be okay. I'll be with you through the whole thing."

Pete's emotional barriers were slowly falling - _very_ slowly. He'd been seeing Rachel or another counselor three times a week for the past month, while his new parts grew. He'd also seen Beth at the ongoing tests that Tina had been putting him through. Over that time, he'd become a _little_ less distrustful. "Thanks," he said simply. He wanted desperately to harden his feelings, and to push these people away before they got close enough that they could hurt him, too, but something about Beth prevented that. It was like there was an aura of compassion and kindness around her that Pete had never experienced before, something that he was drawn to like he needed it.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Pete whispered nervously. "It's almost unreal."

"I think you'll find this life-changing," Beth said reassuringly.

"No kidding." He looked at Beth. "Rachel ... didn't want me in the program, did she?"

Beth was startled by his question. "Uh," she stammered, trying to buy time to figure out how to answer without hurting him. She decided on honesty. "No, she was worried. She has to worry about the baby's life that she's entrusting to you."

"I kind of figured as much."

"Do _you_ think you can do it?" Beth asked frankly.

"Yeah," Pete answered. "If you can promise me that you'll never let _them_ know."

"Rachel already promised you."

Pete nodded. He'd heard it from Rachel, but for some reason he was longing to hear it from Beth.

Beth fought an inner struggle against her sympathy for the boy. She couldn't become involved emotionally, she reminded herself. Rachel was right. It was a losing battle. "I promise," she said softly.

Pete smiled, a tiny expression of gratitude, and the first Beth had seen on the boy. "Okay."

"That's a good, positive attitude." She squeezed his hand. "Are you nervous?"

"Yeah," Pete squeaked.

"Now, I'm going to administer some medicine in your IV line. This will make you sleepy, and it'll take away any pain that you have."

"Okay." He gulped nervously. He was trembling at giving up — completely — his sense of control. While he was in the hospital, they could do _anything_ to him that they wanted.

"You've never had surgery, have you?"

"No."

"I've been assigned to help you, so I'll be in the operating room with you, and then I'll be with you in the recovery room. The whole team will be watching out for you," Beth reassured him. "Everything will be okay." She picked up a syringe and injected its contents into the IV line. She repeated it with a second syringe, and then a third. "You'll be getting very sleepy in a minute or two. Just relax. You'll be okay."

Pete nodded. The drugs were already starting to affect the young man.

**********

Rachel peeked into the room, and saw Pete lying on the bed, propped up and watching television. "Good morning," she said cheerfully as she strode to his bedside. "How are you doing today?"

Pete turned his head and shrugged. "Okay, I guess. Mostly, I'm bored.

"Bored? Rachel was surprised at his reaction. He had far more entertainment opportunities in the hospital room than he could have possibly had in his hut. TV, movies, computer, e-book reader — it was all available to him.

"Yeah," Pete confirmed. "Bored. As in, lying on my back for three weeks, not able to even get out of bed to go to the bathroom for the first two weeks."

"I suppose you _would_ feel cooped up, given how much you were outside before."

"You think?" Pete asked sarcastically.

Rachel gave him a scolding look. "I thought we were past that."

Pete looked down to his lap. "Sorry."

""We're working on your trust issues, right? If anyone is doing something that makes you feel awkward, please let me know. We want you to feel safe with us."

Pete didn't look up. "I know. But it's hard sometimes. Especially when I have to depend on someone else for everything, like bathing."

"You have fewer restrictions than right after surgery, so hopefully, you don't feel so vulnerable."

"Yeah, I guess."

Rachel noticed that he was fidgety. "You look like you're uncomfortable."

"I'm still not used to a bed, if that's what you're saying," Pete snorted. . "And things feel — different, even with the pain killers."

Rachel laughed. "Sorry about the mattress being too soft, but most of our patients prefer soft instead of hard beds. "Now, since I'm here, do you want to talk with me about your physical changes, or would you prefer to talk with a doctor or nurse?"

Pete shook his head, still avoiding Rachel's gaze. "A doctor, I think. Or maybe ... Beth."

Rachel's eyebrows shot up. "Beth?" She was shocked that he was displaying even a modicum of trust toward someone. She'd expected that to take much longer to develop in the boy. Then again, he'd been Beth's sole responsibility for the first two critical weeks of healing, and he'd been one of Beth's patients since that time. Somehow, in the times she'd spent with him, he'd connected with her.

Pete nodded. "She's ... nice. I like talking to her." His answer was soft, like he was afraid to admit that he wanted Beth's company.

"It seems to me that when you're talking to Beth, you're not afraid."

Pete looked at her for a few seconds, mulling over her words. "I guess," he answered, unwilling to say anything that might sound like he was committing emotionally to anyone.

Rachel pulled a chair to his bedside and sat down. "Do you want to talk about why you're so afraid of personal relationships?"

Pete looked down, studying the curves so prominent beneath his thin cotton pajama top. "I ... don't like people hurting me," he admitted in a hushed voice.

"Nobody likes being hurt," Rachel reassured him. "Very often, we hurt each other accidentally, without meaning to."

"All the things they did to me weren't accidents." Pete's voice was firm and angry again.

"Why don't you tell me some of what you went through?" She saw Pete's stubborn look. "We're going to talk about it sooner or later. It wouldn't hurt to start now."

"I'd rather not," he answered firmly.

"You've gone through a lot of trouble to hide from your family," Rachel observed. She saw the stubborn expression on his face. "Pete, you're going to have to learn to trust us. We haven't hurt you, nor would we." His face softened a bit as he considered her words. "You endured a lot of hardship to avoid them.”

"Wouldn't you?" he asked sarcastically.

"I don't know. It _wasn't_ me." She saw Pete's startled reaction to her frank admission. He'd probably expected her to tell him how he _should_ have handled things. "What is it you want from the program? Really, down inside, what do you want? I know it's more than a paycheck."

Pete stared at her for a few seconds, and then he looked down again. "I ... I don't know."

"You're eighteen. No one can _make_ you go back. I've told you that before. You shouldn't have to be afraid of being forced back to that situation. I doubt that your family is the same, anyway."

"They didn't change. I know it." There was no doubt in his mind, just iron conviction that he was right.

"How do you think your disappearance affected them? Do you suppose that, maybe, they were worried and hurt, and afraid that something awful had happened to you?"

Pete shook his head firmly. "No. They wouldn't worry about me like that. I didn't matter. The way they treated me — it was clear that they didn't want me! They _said_ they didn't want me!"

"Okay. We'll talk more as you continue through the program," Rachel said. She didn’t want to agitate the boy too much. She'd seen the missing child posters and ads on the Internet; she knew that his parents _had_ worried greatly about him. But the hurt they'd caused him over many years had convinced him otherwise, since he'd probably never seen the ads. If he had seen them, he probably hadn't believed them. "But you _are_ afraid of them finding you, aren't you?"

Pete looked away, concealing his angry expression. "I don't want to _ever_ see them again."

"You can't spend your whole life hiding from your fears. If you try, your fears will rule you."

"That sounds like ... psychobabble." Once more, he displayed skepticism and distrust.

Rachel laughed. "Maybe, but it's true. Tell me, how much does your fear of bumping into your family rule your life?" She read the answer in his expression. "Suzie told me how you seemed afraid that someone might see you or recognize you when you're in the reception area." He nodded affirmatively. "Over the next few months, you and I are going to have a lot of talks about that." Rachel noted the puzzled look on his face. "Pregnancy is stressful enough without feeling fear of your family. I hope we can help you get past your fears so you can move forward living _your_ life the way _you_ want, without always looking over your shoulder in fear."

**********

Pete heard a noise, and he glanced toward the door. Beth's smiling face peeked into the room. He wondered why she was always so cheerful.

"Hi," Beth said warmly. "How are you doing today?"

"Okay," Pete answered. "I thought you had today off." He wasn't quite as wary, or edgy, as he'd been in the past, at least not with Beth.

Beth realized that Pete was uneasy with unexpected things. "I do," she answered, pulling up a chair to sit beside his bed. "I just thought I'd stop by to see how my favorite patient is doing."

Pete tried to shrug off her friendly words. "I guess okay. Except," he added, glancing down at his chest, "I'm not sure I like these. They're starting to feel ... uncomfortable."

Beth chuckled. "Every girl remembers how her breasts were sensitive as they grew."

"I suppose."

"Tina _did_ tell you that they're going to get bigger and heavier, didn't she?"

"Yeah." Pete seemed upset, and at the same time resigned.

As your body develops, which it will, your breasts will get larger and rounder."

"How ... how big will they get?" Pete's eyes were wide with unease.

"That depends on your genes," Beth answered.

"Are they going to get, you know, heavy and jiggly?" Pete asked. He sounded uneasy at the prospect of growing breasts, especially large ones.

"Maybe. They might be nice small breasts, or they could be monsters," Beth said with a smile. She was a little stout, with very large breasts, so she knew what she was talking about. "Right now, with them just starting to grow, you don't really need a bra. That'll change, and you'll find that a good-fitting bra is your best friend. You may want to consider getting a training bra to start getting used to it."

"A ... training bra?" Pete was shocked.

"It's up to you, but if I were you, I'd seriously consider it."

"My hair is growing really fast." Pete changed the subject.

Beth smiled. "And the rest of your body is healing and adjusting just as fast. You're getting some special medications that make your body heal very rapidly so it gets used to the hormones your new female parts are making. It's like you're going through puberty again, but in a few weeks instead of years. That's why you're so hungry all the time, too."

"Oh." Pete looked toward the television, but his eyes were unfocused. After a few seconds, he turned back to Beth. "Do you think I'm a coward?"

"No," Beth answered quickly, startled by his question. "Why would I think that?"

"Rachel does," Pete said with certainty. "She hasn't said it, but I know she thinks I'm too scared of going home."

"Are you?" Beth decided a simple question was better than saying something that sounded judgmental.

Pete looked back toward the wall. "I ... " He sighed and closed his eyes. "Maybe I am," he finally said softly.

"Honey," Beth put her hand tenderly on his arm, "sometimes, family can hurt us the worst of all. You're not a coward from wanting to get away from the pain. It's called survival."

Pete turned quickly toward her, and when he saw her sympathetic, motherly expression, tears welled up in his eyes and started rolling down his cheeks.

Beth knew what this emotionally-wounded boy needed. She moved to the edge of his bed, sitting down and wrapped her arms around him. Years of damming his emotions burst at her tender gesture, and he buried his head on Beth's shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably.

Not quite half an hour later, Beth eased a sleeping boy back onto the bed. The rapid-heal medications were making him tired, and a lengthy emotional release added to his fatigue. She pulled the blanket gently up over his chest, and then sat for a moment looking at the peacefully-sleeping boy.

She suddenly felt like she was being watched, and turned her head toward the door. She saw Rachel standing in the doorway, impassively watching her. Rachel beckoned her. Silently so as not to wake Pete, Beth crept from the room, following Rachel down the hall.

Rachel closed the conference room door behind Beth, and gestured for her to sit.

"I know," Beth said, shaking her head. "We aren't supposed to get involved."

Rachel laughed. "I _did_ say that, didn't I?" She paused, trying to compose her thoughts. "I have a request," she finally said.

"I know," Beth said, her voice heavy. "Back off."

Rachel laughed again. "Actually, I was going to ask you to do the opposite." She saw Beth's eyes widen as the request sank in. "He trusts you," Rachel continued. "He trusts you in a way that he doesn't trust anyone else here. I need you to maintain that trust."

"You want me to spy on him?" Beth asked warily.

Rachel shook her head. "No. I want you to be his friend."

Beth was startled by the request. "I guess this will make _my_ request a little easier, then."

Rachel frowned. "And that would be ...?"

"I was going to take Pete out looking for apartments tomorrow, but if you agree, I'd like to ask him to move in with me — at least for a little while."

It was Rachel's turn to be surprised. "Uh, ...." she stammered, not quite sure how to respond to Beth's highly unusual request.

"You said that he trusts me, and he _needs_ someone to trust right now. It'll make it easier to help him feel safe, and I'll be there to watch over him and to get him to and from the clinic. I think it's the best thing we could do for him right now."

"You're a lousy salesperson," Rachel chuckled. "To be honest, I'd actually considered whether I should ask you if you'd be willing to help him out more." She nodded, smiling. "I think that'll be a good solution for him. For both of you, actually." Rachel wasn't saying it in so many words, but she knew how much Beth was still hurting.

**********

"Are you sure about this?" Beth asked as she pulled her car into a parking spot next to her apartment building. "You don't have to do this just because I asked."

Pete's eyes narrowed. "You don't want me, do you?"

"Oh, no!" Beth answered quickly. "That's not it at all! I'm very happy to have you stay with me! I want you to stay because it's what _you_ want."

"Did Rachel put you up to this?" Pete asked suspiciously.

"No," Beth answered honestly. "I suggested it to her."

"Why?"

"Because I like you. You remind me of someone. Someone very special." Beth's voice trailed off as memories overtook her. She shook off the momentary sadness. "Let's get you moved in."

Pete snorted. "Hmmph. It's not like I have a lot to move."

"True. We'll have to go shopping later this afternoon — after you've rested a bit. Remember, Tina said very explicitly that you're supposed to take it easy."

When Pete turned automatically to climb the stairs, Beth stopped him. "No, no. You're supposed to take it easy, and that includes taking an elevator if there's one available." She was carrying the small bag of his meager possessions.

Inside the apartment, Pete paused and looked around. It seemed so spacious and very tastefully decorated and furnished. "Wow!" he couldn't help but say.

"Wow? This tiny place?" Beth joked. "Your room is over here." She led him down a short hallway, past a bathroom, into a bedroom.

Pete stopped in the hall, looking at a few pictures on the wall. "Who's he?" he asked curiously.

"That's ... Michael," Beth said, her eyes starting to water as her voice choked. "He's ... my son."

"What's he doing now?" Pete asked.

"He's ... he's ...." Beth turned away, fighting tears. "He ... died in an accident," she sobbed.

"Oh." Pete felt suddenly guilty for having brought painful memories to Beth. It wasn't a feeling he was familiar with. He also knew that he should offer some kind of comfort to Beth, the same way she'd comforted him, but he didn't know how.

"He was coming home from college one night," Beth said softly, moving to take the picture from Pete's hand and stare at it lovingly. "He was riding his motorcycle. He _loved_ that motorcycle, but I hated it." She shook her head slowly. "A truck had a blowout and sent a big piece of its tire right in front of him. There was no way .... He ...." She wiped her eyes, her voice choked with emotion, unable to continue speaking.

Pete stood for a moment, knowing that he'd accidentally hurt Beth. "I'm ... I'm sorry," he said slowly, his voice whisper-quiet, as if he didn't quite know how to say the words.

"You didn't know," Beth said quickly. She turned and led Pete to a bedroom.

Pete stared, open-mouthed, gazing around the room. "Is this all ... for me?" He asked in awe.

"You spent four weeks in a bigger room in the hotel while your parts grew," Beth reminded him.

"Yeah, but that was a hotel. I expected it. But this?"

"And three weeks in the hospital during recovery from your surgery."

Pete started to answer, but stopped himself.

"How big was your hut?" Beth asked, her curiosity piqued by his reaction and very glad to change the subject from her deceased son. It had only been a year, and she was still grieving his loss.

"A little more than twice as big as that," Pete answered, pointing to the full-sized bed.

Beth's jaw dropped in shock at his revelation. She'd seen tents bigger than what he'd indicated. "Is that why you spent a lot of time at the library?"

Pete nodded. "Yeah. But sometimes, that wasn't safe."

"Since you don't have much to wear now, how about if we go find you some clothes? You're going to need something more than what you're wearing. Look at that shirt! It barely fits you now!"

Pete glanced down, to a shirt that was starting to be stretched by his budding breasts. "Um, yeah," he said. "How am I going to pay for new clothes?" he asked.

Beth smiled. "You get a clothing allowance with your contract," she reminded him. "But you're going to find that, with women's clothing, money won't go far unless you control yourself."

"Women's clothing?" Pete said. "I ... hadn't thought of that. Can't I just wear ... men's clothes?"

"You _could_, but it'd look baggy and rumpled," Beth chuckled, "especially when _those_ things grow, you know." She glanced up and down his figure. "We'll get something simple, like jeans and a couple of simple blouses or T-shirts, so it's not too big a change."

"Can you help me...?" Pete looked down, blushing.

"Yes," Beth picked up on his thoughts. "You'll need new underwear, too." She stared at the boy. His request was unlike what most male clients made. "You _want_ to get something girly, don't you?" she asked, amazed.

"I've been thinking a lot while I was in the hospital," Pete answered slowly. "I ... want to change how I look."

"I think I understand. Is that why you had the chemical treatment to remove your facial hair, too?" Beth asked.

Pete blushed, both embarrassed at what he'd asked for, and upset that Beth had guessed his motives. "I hate shaving, and my beard is patchy and looks like crap. It just ... saves time." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than convince Beth.

"Okay, Pete," Beth began.

"Paige," Pete retorted firmly. "If I'm going to be a girl for this, I want to be called Paige."

"Why Paige?" Beth's eyes were wide with surprise at his insistence on using a girl's name.

"When I was little, my best friend was named Paige," Pete answered in a voice that, for the first time Beth knew, sounded happy about childhood memories. Pete knew he'd just crossed a line. He was no longer Pete, at least not in his mind. She was Paige, someone trying to start over. It was a very drastic step, but one she _knew_ she needed to take.

"Okay, Paige." Beth realized that he'd selected a name that couldn't be taken for a variation of Peter, such as Petra. She thought for a moment. "Do you want to do a whole makeover?" she asked. "Hair, clothes, nails, makeup — the works?"

Paige's expression showed how conflicted she was. "Um," she stammered, "I ... I don't know."

"If you get a full makeover, no one would recognize you," Beth ventured. She saw the new girl's hesitancy.

Paige nodded slowly. "I ... I think I want to do that. Yes."

"It's going to be pretty drastic," Beth cautioned. "We'll have your hair styled, and buy you some makeup, and maybe even get your ears pierced." She was struggling to restrain her enthusiasm; she'd always loved doing things with Michael, and in a way, by staying with her, Paige was sort-of like a child to her.

Paige nodded. The prospect of a good disguise that would take away some of her perpetual fear was appealing. "Yeah," she agreed. "That sounds ... good."

********

The first stop was the salon in the mall to get Paige's hair done. Since she'd been taking the rapid-heal medications at the clinic, her hair had grown considerably from the already-long hair Pete had when he'd first come in. The stylist took a look at Paige, and then began to look through some hairstyles on the computer. She and Beth both said, "Ooh," when they came to one. Paige wasn't paying attention; she was nervously watching people walking by in the mall.

"I think that'll work nicely," the stylist said. "Of course, it'd work better if you had darker hair, maybe with some reddish highlights."

Beth glanced at Paige. "Well?" Paige shrugged. "Color and highlight, too," Beth said. "Make her look pretty."

Paige's eyebrows rose when Beth used the feminine pronoun, but she didn't say anything. But instead of reacting the way Beth had anticipated, her eyes suddenly widened. She recognized a look of fear on the girl's face. She turned her back toward the door and slid sideways so that Beth was between herself and the salon entrance. She'd seen something — or someone — that had spooked her. Beth put her hand gently on her arm to calm her. "They'll take good care of you. You'll feel like a different person when they get your hair done."

When Paige was finished, the stylist held up a mirror for her to see. She gawked at the reflection; she didn't look anything like she had when she'd come in. Her hair was now brown instead of sandy-blonde, and styled in a very feminine way. It was just above her shoulders, with a slight under-curl at the ends, and layered in a playful and sassy way. The front swept to one side, hiding a little of her face and giving a hint of daring to the look.

"It's very cute, Paige," Beth said from over her shoulder, acknowledging that her transformation was well underway. She leaned closer to whisper in her ear, "No one would think that you were once a boy named Pete."

Paige smiled, for she realized that she was becoming Paige, both in body and in spirit. She _had_ to complete the transformation, both for the contract, and to get some peace of mind, to finally not feel afraid and hunted. It was a major first step, and it felt good.

Before they were done at the salon, Paige had fake nails, with lustrous dark red enamel that complemented her hair, along with having with her ears pierced. She'd had her eyebrows plucked — painfully — to make her less masculine appearing. With every step of the transformation, Beth noticed that Paige was becoming less and less nervous.

After the salon, Beth went to a department store, where she helped Paige try on lingerie, slacks, jeans, and blouses. They visited the makeup counter, and Paige got her first lessons in using makeup. By the time they finished, Beth was carrying an armful of bags, and despite Paige's protests, she wouldn't let the girl carry anything.

It was almost dinnertime when they left the mall, so Beth stopped for some takeout Chinese food, and then went back to her apartment. "We'll put away your clothes after we eat," Beth announced as she carried the bags into Paige's room. Paige was wearing a very feminine pair of jeans and a lacy blouse that, with her curves, accentuated her femininity.

"I have to use the bathroom first," Paige said.

"Okay. I'll get the table set," Beth replied, walking to the kitchen. After she'd finished setting the table, she frowned; Paige hadn't come out of the bathroom. She walked toward the bathroom, but she saw the open door, she continued past it and to Paige's room.

Paige was standing in front of a mirror, turning and posing, taking in the changes to herself. Her eyes, framed with eyeliner and eye shadow, looked innocent and awestruck at her reflection.

Beth smiled. "Yes, that really is the new you."

"I ... I don't look like ...."

"No, you don't. You're a new person now, Paige. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm a bit hungry."

As expected, Paige was eating almost like she'd been starving. Beth knew that it was the rapid-heal drugs; she had to eat a lot to fuel the healing and changes her body was undergoing. That would wear off when she stopped taking the medications. "Have you thought about what you're going to do once you finish the contract?" she asked.

Paige shrugged. "I hadn't thought that far ahead."

You didn't finish high school, did you?" Beth asked to start a conversation.

"No," Paige answered.

"Well, since you'll have time on your hands, how about if we get you into some GED prep classes, so you can get a GED?"

"Why?" Paige sounded skeptical.

"If you have a GED," Beth answered, her voice calm and soothing, "you'll open up a lot of options to build your future. That _is_ what you want to do, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Paige answered softly. She had never thought of taking that next step to independence from her family, of equipping herself to get a real job so she could live in something besides a primitive hut. Until recently, the only option had been to survive.

"We'll have to get you a bus card, too, so you can get around, like to the clinic and to classes." She saw Paige flinch at the thought of being in public. "And I'll talk to Rachel about getting you an ID card with your new name. For our male clients, we help them with those little issues," she added by way of explanation. "Otherwise, it could get ... confusing."

"Okay." The new girl seemed almost reassured by Beth's explanation and plans for her. There was still an element of uncertainty which showed in her expression.

Beth knew exactly what Paige was thinking. "We can do things so the records are quite confidential. Our lawyers are well-connected, and as you can imagine, some of our clients in the past have wanted or needed confidentiality." She saw Paige's features relax as she grasped what Beth was telling her.

**********

Beth pulled the blanket up to tuck Paige into bed. She was sure the girl was already asleep; they'd had a long day shopping, and Paige was still healing. On top of that, after dinner, they'd watched a movie. It was enough to cause Paige to fall asleep on the sofa. Beth, knowing she wasn't strong enough to carry the girl to her bed, had gently awakened her and guided her to the bathroom and then to the bedroom. As she turned, the girl's eyes batted open. "Can you ... can you please stay?" Paige asked in a timid voice.

Beth smiled. "Of course, honey," she answered. She sat on the edge of the bed. "I would imagine that today has been a bit overwhelming to you, hasn't it?"

Paige nodded. "Yeah." She was wearing a girl's nightie — something that _she_ had insisted on purchasing while they'd been shopping.

"You're safe," Beth said while she gently stroked the teen girl's hair. "Just rest. You need all the rest you can get, so your body can finish healing. Then we'll let you spread your wings a bit, and get out of here so you don't feel all cooped up."

"Okay," Paige answered uncertainly.

"I noticed that you seemed frightened when we were in the salon," Beth said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Paige's eyes widened when Beth mentioned the incident. She closed them and took a few deep breaths to steady herself. "I thought ... I thought I saw ... my ... _her_!," she said finally.

"Oh," Beth said. She understood immediately; Page was talking about having seen her mother. She heard the nervousness in her voice — no, she corrected herself, it was genuine fear. Something about her family had the boy — now girl — terrified. "Do you want to talk about anything?" She wished she'd had training in counseling in addition to her nursing degree.

"No," Paige said softly. Her eyes were drifting shut. In a few minutes, a peaceful expression returned to her face, and her breathing became slow and regular, as sleep claimed her for the night.

Beth carefully rose and padded softly to the door. She glanced back at the sleeping girl. She looked so sweet and innocent; it was hard to imagine the demons which tormented her. "I hope I can help you," Beth mouthed as she shut off the light.

**********

"I don't get it," Beth said, frustration in her voice. "She should be interested in what a GED would do for her future independence, but she doesn't seem to care." She was sitting in one of the chairs in Rachel's office, venting to her boss.

Suzie, seated on the sofa, had a sympathetic look. "What do you expect, Beth?" she asked. "Emotionally, Paige is still fifteen. She's grown physically, and mentally, but in terms of interacting with people and planning ahead — that development stopped when she ran away."

Beth shook her head. "That sounds like an excuse. She needs to stop making excuses and start thinking about her future."

Rachel smiled as she took a sip from her coffee cup. "That's asking a lot of her, isn't it? She doesn't trust a lot of people, and she's still afraid of her family. Would you want to be out in public a lot if it were you?"

"I guess not," Beth admitted reluctantly. "But she won't get a bus pass, and she refuses to do anything to work on her drivers' license." She sighed. "She needs to get out more, and I can't juggle my work and her schedule."

Suzie started to say that Beth knew what it was like before she agreed to take Paige in, but she stopped. The comment could be interpreted as a reminder of her son. She decided to change the subject. "Has she told you anything about growing up, or her family life?"

"She mentioned a couple of incidents. When she and her brother were young, they were building a fort in their back yard. One afternoon, the brother took out her dad's tools, and then didn't put them away. When her dad found out, her brother blamed her. Apparently, her dad lost his temper, interrupting a bath so he could belt her as punishment. Paige said that she couldn't sit down for a couple of hours afterwards."

Rachel's eyes widened in shock as Beth told the story. "Holy crap!" she said softly. "If that kind of child abuse was common, it's no wonder she doesn't want to go home! Children's Services should have intervened!" She shook her head. "I've met with her for six weeks since her surgery, and she hasn't told me anything like that."

Beth nodded her agreement. "Another time, her sister decided to make some cupcakes one afternoon when the parents were at a funeral. The sister made a big mess in the kitchen, and when the parents got home, she blamed Paige. Since Paige was the one who liked cooking and baking, her mom and dad believed the sister's story, and Paige got punished."

"Has she mentioned any happy memories?" Suzie asked.

"She did say that once, she was playing catch with her dad. Her brother was in bed, sick, and she got a little time. It sounded like she enjoyed that, until her sister came out and insisted that her dad spend time teaching her how to ride her bike."

"Let me guess," Rachel speculated, "Her dad quit playing catch and turned his attention to the sister."

Beth nodded grimly. "Yup. I'm sure she has some happy memories, but they're buried beneath a mountain of bitterness and hurt."

"She needs to open up more about these things with me, not you," Rachel complained.

"I know," Beth agreed. "I'm not a counselor like you and Suzie are. I don't know what I'm doing."

Suzie laughed lightly. "I haven't finished my degree quite yet," she countered. "But you don't need training. Just listen without being judgmental. Let her initiate the conversations, and be sympathetic to her."

"Give her time. She's already opening up more to you than to anyone else," Rachel added. "She trusts you. I don't think I need to tell you how important it is that you never do anything to violate that trust."

"I know," Beth agreed. "I was thinking about her schedule and her need to get out of the house," she said, changing the subject.

"And?" Rachel prompted.

"And, I was thinking — since Cindy is out on maternity leave for another three weeks, maybe Paige could use her office to hang out. It'd get her out of the house, so she won't get 'cabin fever', and she'd still be in a place that she considers safe."

Rachel nodded. "That sounds like a good idea. You said she likes to read?"

"She'd read non-stop if I didn't interrupt her to eat!" Beth chuckled. "I haven't gotten to use my Kindle since she moved in."

"The library has their catalog on-line," Suzie said, knowing exactly what Rachel was thinking. "You could get her to find some e-books she'd like, and then if _you_ checked them out, she'd have plenty to do."

"Or you could try to interest her in some on-line school work to try to catch up." Rachel added.

"I don't think I'll push the school work," Beth said. "You know she's a very headstrong girl."

"I'd have said stubborn," Suzie laughed.

"I'll have the IT group set up a temporary account for her. She should be able to use the computer by tomorrow, and if you can get some books ...."

Beth smiled. "It'll take her a couple of days to get through the books I downloaded last weekend." She shook her head. "She's a fast reader."

**********

Paige was intently studying the monitor, reading whatever she'd found on the web, when Rachel poked her head in the office. The girl was so focused that she didn't notice Rachel's intrusion.

"Are you busy?" Rachel asked, startling the girl.

Paige glanced quickly toward the door, where the sound had come from. "Uh," she said, feeling her heart race at the unexpected intrusion. "Not really."

"You don't mind if I come in for a bit, then?" Rachel asked, smiling warmly. She was being very careful to treat the 'borrowed' office as Paige's private space, even though it really was part of the clinic. She knew that the girl needed a sense of security and privacy.

Paige shrugged. "Nah." She spun the swivel chair she was sitting in, and then started to rise.

"No," Rachel quickly said, "go ahead and stay in your chair. This isn't a formal visit." She slid into a chair opposite the desk behind which Paige sat. In a way, it was a symbolic role reversal, giving Paige the 'power seat' behind the desk.

"What's up?" Paige asked suspiciously.

"Nothing, really. I just wanted to talk. How are things going?"

"Okay, I guess."

"What are you doing with your time?" Rachel asked. "Beth told me that you like to read."

"Yeah."

"Have you thought about the idea of getting a GED?"

"Not really. Beth already gave me the talk about how it would 'open up my future'."

"Okay." Rachel decided to change the subject; Paige was a little obstinate on that subject. "Are you comfortable at Beth's?"

"It's okay, I guess."

"I've noticed a couple of things about you," Rachel said, trying to elicit some type of response from the reticent girl.

"Yeah? Like what?"

"You still don't trust me enough to open up. You don't want to talk about what caused you pain." Rachel shook her head sadly. "I want to help you. I hope you know that. But I can't help you unless you trust me and talk honestly with me."

"Maybe I'd be able to trust people more if people that were supposed to love me didn't betray me so much!" Paige flared.

"Oh?"

Paige trembled with anger at the sudden memory. She turned away from Rachel, staring unseeingly at the computer monitor. "When I was twelve, I told _her_ that I was thinking about being a nurse," she said bitterly. "She laughed at me, and then told _him_. He got pissed and said that was a 'girl's job'. Then he told my teachers that he wanted them to help 'steer me' toward a more 'manly' career." Paige shook her head. "The other two got all their friends to make fun of me, calling me a sissy and everything." Her lip quivered with her anger.

"Is that why you're so afraid of seeing them? We've noticed that when you come in, you wait in the lounge instead of the lobby," Rachel commented. She was prodding, since Paige had opened up a little.

"I guess." Paige's breathing slowed, and her face relaxed a bit from her angry outburst.

"Beth says you don't get out much. Is it the same thing? You're afraid of being seen and recognized?"

"Wouldn’t you be?" Her tone was bitter once more. She turned back around toward Rachel. "They ruined my life!" After a moment, Paige's eyes narrowed. "Beth told you, didn't she?"

"No," Rachel answered quickly. She could tell that the girl was starting to get upset. "It's something that Suzie and I noticed. Whenever you're in the lobby, you're watching the door like you're afraid of someone coming in." It was time to change subjects. "If you're interested in a career in health care, Beth and the other staff probably have a lot of introductory books you can borrow. I've got some in my office, too. But you'll have to finish your GED before you can go to college for any kind of advanced education."

**********

Paige tossed the tablet computer toward the pillow at the end of the couch, and sighed in frustration. She glanced around the apartment before standing suddenly and walking to the refrigerator. Inside, she found nothing that appealed to her taste. Sighing once more, she slunk back to the couch, sat down heavily, grabbed the remote, and turned on the TV. After a couple of minutes flipping through the channels, she turned off the TV. She was bored — bored and frustrated at feeling cooped up. It was either the apartment or the office at the clinic, and it was getting old.

Part of the girl longed for the freedom she'd had living in the hut. It had been a hard life, and not comfortable or particularly clean, but she was in control. Now, she felt like a prisoner. The fact that it was _her_ doing didn't matter; she longed to get out.

Scooping up the tablet again, Paige began to read once more. She really liked the electronic book, compared to a heavy, clumsy, printed book. The tablet was much more comfortable to use, probably because it was closer to a typical teen's electronic gadgets. Unfortunately, she didn't always have access to e-books, and had to occasionally rely on the old-fashioned printed variety. She didn't like it, but he put up with it, because it was inexpensive entertainment.

After a few pages, the girl turned off the tablet and set it on the coffee table. For several long seconds, she stared out the window, before rising and padding barefooted across the living room to a desk, upon which sat Beth's computer. For a while, she tried to entertain herself by aimlessly wandering through the web, following links to wherever they'd take her, but she was bored of that game, too. As she debated going back to her room and curling up on the bed, to try to nap, she remembered what Beth had told her.

It only took one web search and a couple of clicks, and Paige had opened a site like Beth had mentioned. The site grabbed her attention, pulling her deeper and deeper into its grasp. She was so intent on the content of the site that she didn't even notice the sound of the door opening.

"How was your day?" Beth called as she kicked the door shut with her foot. Her arms were full, carrying bags of groceries.

"Huh?" Paige stammered as her reverie was broken. "Um, okay." Her answer was as generic as possible, considering that she hadn't even been paying attention.

Beth had noticed how absorbed Paige was with the computer. She put the grocery bags on the table. "Spaghetti for dinner?" she asked.

"Sure," Paige answered. She sounded like she wasn't happy at being interrupted, so Beth decided to shut up and just fix dinner.

After dinner, Paige stayed in the kitchen to put the dishes in the dishwasher. It was one of the things she did, by mutual agreement, to help with the chores. While the girl fretted over the sink, rinsing and cleaning the dishes and pans, Beth sat down at her computer. As soon as the screen went active, she noted that the web browser was running. Instead of just closing it, though, for some reason, she started reading. Beth's eyes widened as she realized that Paige had been working on an aptitude test at one of the GED preparation sites. Beth smiled to herself, minimized the browser window, and opened her e-mail. She figured it was best to not say anything first. If Paige wanted her to know, Paige would tell her. In the meantime, she knew that Paige was starting to look to the future instead of to her past. It was a good sign, one that she knew Rachel would approve of.

**********

Tina poked her head out of her office and looked toward the nurse's station. "Beth?" she called. "Can I see you for a moment?"

Beth glanced at her computer. "Mrs. Jorgenson is sleeping, so I can spare a few minutes." She glanced toward one of the other nurses. "Deb, can you watch for a couple of minutes?"

"Are you in trouble again?" Deb teased.

"No. Tina just needs my expert advice," Beth countered with a grin. She strode quickly to Tina's office and stood in the doorway. "What's up?" she asked.

Tina gestured for her to sit and to close the door. After Beth was seated, Tina continued. "I wanted your opinion of how Paige is doing."

"She seems to be doing well. How did her checkup this morning go?"

"Pretty well," Tina answered. "Her hormone levels look good, and she's completely healed and adjusted. I think she'll be ready for her transfer next cycle." She sighed. "She took two more cycles than I'd expected."

"How did she take _that_ news?" Beth asked.

"She looked pretty nervous," Tina admitted with a smile. "But then, all patients who started as males are at least nervous, if they're not scared stiff." She chuckled. "Remember how scared Tommi Sue was on her first transfer?"

"Not really. She was Deb's patient for her transfers. But I've seen it in other patients."

"Paige will do well. She's in great shape physically."

"But?"

Tina laughed. "We're too transparent, aren't we? Rachel and I are both concerned about her mental state. That's where you can help us."

"By spying."

"Not really spying, so much as helping us know what she doesn't talk about with us. For example, how has she handled her periods?"

"Not well," Beth admitted. "The first one was the worst for her. She had mild cramping and bloating, and she was really upset by the bleeding. That was her first realization that she's fully female. The last two haven't been so bad, but maybe that's because they weren't such a surprise."

"That sounds normal," Tina said. "Because he was malnourished, Pete was a little behind on his sexual development, and his hormones were very low. So I'm guessing that he didn't have strong sexuality. Now," she shrugged, "anything he _did_ have was taken away."

"Didn't she talk with you about it?" Beth asked.

Tina nodded. "She asked for technical details, but she wouldn't talk about her feelings." She shook her head. "She's pretty shy around most people."

"Yeah, we've all noticed."

"Maybe," Tina speculated, "it would help her if you were with her at her next checkup."

"You're acting almost like I'm her mother," Beth said warily. "You and Rachel..."

**********

Paige frowned as she squirmed in her chair. Something was bothering her, and she couldn't hide her discomfort.

"What's wrong?" Beth asked when she noticed.

Paige's frown deepened to a scowl. "My bra is too tight. It feels like it's pinching me a little bit."

Beth tried not to smile. "Tina told you that you'd grow."

"And my pants are too tight," Paige added.

Beth stood suddenly and gently took Paige's arm. "Come on."

"What?" Paige was confused. "Where are we going?"

Beth led her to the bathroom and stood her in front of a full-length mirror. "See? You're getting a little curvier," Beth explained as she turned the girl so her profile was reflected in the mirror. "You're bust is growing ...."

"You mean my boobs are getting bigger," Paige whined.

"And your bottom is a little larger, more feminine," Beth continued.

"I hate how I'm changing!" Paige complained. "I didn't want this much change!"

Beth just smiled. "I'm sure Rachel and Tina told you how your body would be changing."

Paige stood, unable to respond to Beth's comment. Beth was right — she'd been lectured by both Rachel and Tina about the changes she could expect —before she'd committed to the contract.

"You're developing into a pretty young lady who doesn't look anything like Pete. And that's what you wanted, isn't it?" She saw the girl nod almost imperceptibly. "You need to be more confident in yourself," Beth said.

"_They_ destroyed any self-confidence I ever had," Paige said, her eyes moistening.

"Oh? How?"

"They always thought my older brother was so smart. They'd always tell him how smart he was, and they compared everything I did to him. They sometimes laughed at me and said I wasn't as smart. Once, when we met with my teacher and she said she remembered my brother, they told her that she shouldn’t expect my work to be as good as his." Tears were running down her cheeks at the bitter memory. "I was never good enough at anything!"

Beth pulled the girl into an embrace to comfort her. "I know it was tough. It's no wonder you don't have any self-confidence. But this is a new start for you. You're a new person. You aren't going to be compared to anyone."

"Why can't I stop crying all the time?" Paige asked, not trying to wipe the tears that streamed from her eyes. She felt so afraid and vulnerable; her emotions kept betraying her, instead of being bottled up like they had been for many, many years. She felt comfort in Beth's embrace, like a safe harbor in a storm. Despite the older woman's warm hug, Paige wondered when it was going to end, when she'd get hurt, like she always had. She couldn't trust anyone. Then she realized that she _had_ been trusting Beth, and Beth hadn't hurt her. Not yet, anyway. A part of Paige hoped that Beth never would betray her feelings, even while a small part nagged that _everyone_ hurt her, all her life. She hated the tiny voice of doubt. Why couldn't she just ignore it, so she wasn't afraid of letting someone else get close?

Beth held the girl tight. "Maybe it's because you've kept all the hurt inside for so many years, and you're overwhelmed when it comes out. And some of it is probably your hormones, too." Beth could feel Paige's tears moistening her shoulder.

Rachel had told Beth that it might be painful for Paige to talk about the past, but it would be helpful to the girl to be able to talk about all of her pain. It was a critical first step to overcoming her past and starting to move forward.

**********

Suzie looked up when the bell tinkled, announcing someone entering the clinic. She smiled as soon as she recognized the girl. "Good afternoon, Paige," she said warmly.

"Hi, Suzie," Paige answered. "I've got a checkup with Tina."

Suzie glanced at her computer. "You're a little early."

"Beth dropped me off, and she had an eye appointment, so I'll just have to wait."

"It might be a little longer, too. One of Tina's surgeries this morning took a lot longer than expected, and she's running behind." Suzie saw Paige's shoulders sag at the news. "Why don't you wait in the lounge?"

"Thanks."

"If Tina approves, you'll be ready for your transfer in a couple of weeks."

Paige shuddered. "Yeah, that's what she said last time."

"While you're here, do you want to talk to Rachel? She's doing paperwork this afternoon, and I'm sure she can get a little free time for you."

Paige shrugged. "I don't know."

"Or if you want me to switch a couple of people, you'd have time to get a workout in the gym," Suzie suggested.

Paige wrinkled her nose. "I ... I don't like working out by myself."

"Okay. I'll get someone to cover for me, and we'll go workout together." Suzie didn't give Paige time to react or protest before she summoned another worker to take her desk. Still smiling, she pulled her gym bag from underneath her desk, grabbed her purse, and stood up. "Let's go."

Stunned by the rapidity of the change of plans, Paige followed Suzie to the locker room. Paige, like most patients, had her own locker, so she didn't have _that_ excuse either. Resigned to getting unplanned exercise, she quickly changed and strode out to the gym, a towel around her neck, just like Suzie had. As they changed, she couldn't help looking at Suzie with amazement.

Suzie noticed. "What?" she asked.

Paige sighed. "It's just hard to believe that you were pregnant just a month and a half ago. You look so ... good!"

Suzie smiled. "You have to take care of yourself while you're pregnant so you don't have a lot of weight to lose after the baby. Tina and her staff are really good about nutrition and diet, in case you hadn't noticed."

"I don't know how I'm going to do it." The two walked out of the locker room into the gym.

"You'll do just fine," Suzie said reassuringly. "How about we start on the elliptical?" she suggested. The two women hung their towels and began their own exercise routines on the machines. "Are you going to get your drivers' license?" Suzie asked conversationally.

"Probably," Paige answered without conviction.

"It'd give you a lot more freedom, and it'd make life a little easier for Beth," Suzie added, "not that she's complaining."

"She never complains about anything," Paige observed. "She doesn't forget anything, either." The girl sounded wistful, like having someone care who didn't complain or forget was
something she'd missed.

"I take it your family forgot stuff?" Suzie prompted.

"They always forgot when they'd promised me something, and then something came up for my brother or sister."

"Ouch."

"They bought my brother a car when he turned sixteen, and they kept promising a new car to my sister. But when I was working on my driver's license, all I heard was that they'd help me get a loan for a car."

"That had to hurt."

"That's not as bad as them forgetting my birthday," Paige said bitterly.

Suzie's eyes widened. "Your birthday?"

"Twice." Paige's jaw was clenched, her grip on the machine vise-like from her anger. "And when they did remember, they didn't do anything to make up for it." She drew a couple of deep breaths to try to control her anger. "One year," she continued, "my sister's soccer team won a playoff game, and everyone immediately had to celebrate _her_ achievement! They forgot all about me." Paige's lip trembled. "I almost ran away that night," she confessed softly, "but I was only eleven." Bitter, angry memories flooded her, reminding her of those painful events and fanning the flames of her hatred of her family. Rachel and Suzie had all been telling her how unhealthy it was, emotionally, to continue to carry that hatred, but something always seemed to bring back bad memories, and they never let go of her.

"Wow!" was all that Suzie could say. If half of what she'd heard over the past weeks was true, it was a miracle that Paige hadn't become suicidal or run away long before she had. But she also knew that some of Paige's memories were biased by her viewpoint, and the truth probably wasn't as bad as she imagined. But the way she remembered things was bad enough.

**********

(To be continued)

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Comments

I'll echo the question from this chapter.

Jezzi Stewart's picture

Always glad to see a new story from you, Elrod.

He's 18. The family can't make him do anything. Why is he so scared of meeting them? I would think turning 18 would have been a watershed for him and and he would have been looking forward to a meeting just to tell them to go to Hell. Maybe he's afraid he couldn't control himself and would try to kill them.

BE a lady!

This is logically true

elrodw's picture

but as happens frequently with ongoing emotional abuse, the victim becomes conditioned to believe he or she is powerless, even when such is not true. Pete knows, in his mind, that his family would torment him, just like they had. He knows that THEY know how to push his buttons - they did it so long that he feels helpless against it. He's conditioned to believe that there is no escape.

It happens with imprisoning people - eventually, their will to escape, or believe that they CAN escape, is destroyed, at which point you could leave their cell unlocked, and they wouldn't try to escape. With regards to him 'getting away', he's psychologically beaten.

Imagination is more important than knowledge
A. Einstein

Take a look at my reply

Brooke Erickson's picture

Take a look at my reply below.

Given similarities between home environment *and* some of Pete's reactions, I'd not be surprised if he not only has PTSD, but maybe Social Phobia or Social Anxiety Disorder.

If he's got one of the latter two, expect a major meltdown at some point when he/she is in a social situation he/she doesn't know the rules for (and is "sure" will result in major consequences if she gets it wrong). Can you say panic attack?

Brooke brooke at shadowgard dot com
http://brooke.shadowgard.com/
Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world
"Lola", the Kinks

Wow

This is substantially what happened to me but in different order. People don't just guess at this, and it you experienced something similar, I am sorry.

Gwendolyn

I'll chime in with

Brooke Erickson's picture

I'll chime in with Elrod.

When you've lived in that sort of environment, your head gets really twisted around. My mom was as bad or worse as Pete's folks in some ways, not as bad in others. But abuse is abuse. The fact of abuse matters a lot more than the form.

It's been over 40 years since I left home. And I *still* cringe at certain tones of voice. At least it's cringing, not the "want to run away, curl up in a ball and hide" it used to be.

I've got PTSD from it. I bet Pete does too.

Brooke brooke at shadowgard dot com
http://brooke.shadowgard.com/
Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world
"Lola", the Kinks

I never went

through what Paige has, but several time I've had senarios that resonated strongly. Either Elrod is a natural or has some insight to how peoples minds work.

Or

elrodw's picture

I actually lived most of the crap that I've recounted happening to Pete. Writing from personal experience is both the easiest and hardest - easiest, because it's so easy to get the details and feelings right, and hardest, because it dredges up all that detail and pain.

Imagination is more important than knowledge
A. Einstein

I got

some of what Pete, but nowhere near as intense as he. My Mom's family was very dysfunctional and we got part of that growing up. As bad as physical abuse is, mental or psychological abuse like this can leave scars just as deep for all they can't be seen with the eye.

Paige has some huge challenges to overcome, but she is making progress.
Great stuff Elrod
Hugs
Grover

PS: It is hard putting your own pains down on paper, but it can serve to 'lance' the hurt so you have a chance to deal with it.
More Hugs!

Emotional age

Jamie Lee's picture

I believe it was Rachel who said Paige may be 18, but emotionally she's still 15. And if she still feels 15, then this is what's reinforcing her fear of being taken back home.

As to her major distrust of people, if what she has said so far is true, those created raw wounds which may or may not heal. Or scab over.

If what Paige has said is true, those parents need to have help with a major attitude adjustment. Perhaps an appropriately used 2x4. And where did they get such an idea that nursing was only for females? Where'd that baseball bat get stored?

I have memories of things as a young boy which are as fresh today as the day they occurred. There are things I hate doing or shy away from because they'll trigger one or more of those memories. They only get done because as I work I remind myself they're only memories. And start thinking about something else.

Others have feelings too.

Yes, it was

TheCropredyKid's picture

But she also knew that some of Paige's memories were biased by her viewpoint, and the truth probably wasn't as bad as she imagined

Yes, it was.

Even if the events weren't as she remembers them, the truth of her past is exactly as she remembers it.

The "real" world we live in is actually 100% inside our heads; those of us who synch with consensus perception/memory believe that we share the same world ... but we really don't. {I could get into phenomenology here, but i won't.}

"Reality" and "truth" are our perceptions of the world, since we can never see the past again, and our percepton and memories would colour it if we could.

At "Misfile", the comic referenced in my current signature block, two teenagers have been changed by a glitch in the Celestial FIling System (a boy becomes a girl, a girl becomes a sophomore again, instead of a senior with an early acceptance to Harvard) ... and the entire universe is rewritten and now all records, all memories (except theirs) and all data indicate they've always been what they are now.

Word of God says that the female Ash and the two-years-younger Emily that the world remembers never "existed". WoG ALSO says that it's impossible to look back in time and see before the Misfile. A number of readers, myself included, insist that this is exactly the same as the past being exactly as the world remembers it.

The past is a foreign country we can never revisit, except through snapshots, diaries and maps.

 
 
 
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