Previously… It looks beautiful a mother and baby together. I just thought it had to be beautiful for both… The other day I had surgery to physically become a woman, and today a friend is nursing her baby in the bed next to me, and I was just another girl… Now my eyes teared as I thought it would be nice to be like her even with a little discomfort. Sandra winces as Rose sucks on her of breasts and we talk as Rose is nursing. I had never thought how it felt for a mom to have a baby chomp down on a breast.

Chapter 9 - Begins here
It is an interesting night with Rose sleeping in the room with us. We wake up just after midnight, again around 4:00 a.m. and come 6:30 we wake and watch precious Rose. I can’t believe how small and delicate a baby seems; yet the idea of a baby coming through a birth canal, adjusting to a totally new world I admired how awesome she must be. She is totally dependent on others.

I look to Sandra she is now relaxing and enjoying her miracle, yet becoming aware how much her life too has changed. She has years of changing diapers and weeks or months of nursing. The next time I spot a pad, it will be small in comparison of birthing a child.

There is a knock on the door and Dr. Robins pokes her head in saying, “I have two visitors who would like to see you both, and is it okay?” We would be frightened except for Dr. Robbins smile and trusting she would not put us through something traumatic without preparation.

We looked at each other and in unison, “Please, we would like to see who is here?” I’m the first to recognize both Carrie Underwood and Jeanette her Assistant and friend.

I introduce Carrie and Jeanette to Sandra and Dr. Robbins, though I knew Dr. Robbins had met them. Carrie came in prepared with a gown on so that she might hold the baby. It is easy to tell how special it is for Carrie as a mom and be there for Sandra and Rose. This is unlike what I grew up expecting; the rich and famous seemed to be off in a distant world.

Carrie just sits down with Rose in her arms and Sandra next to her and they’re just talking. Dr. Robbins whispers she will come back to check me, as well as Sandra and Rose. “You can if you want, but Carrie knows about me. She was around my life took a turn toward Pink.”

She pulled the cloth curtain and I’m back in bed for the check. Where she touched and examines me, my sounds are not from pain and they drew the attention of Carrie. “I can’t believe the beautiful sound of you being a woman indicates this is no accident.”

“I agree,” Says Dr. Robbins, “Yet it is impossible for me to prove yet so easy to believe.” Dr. Robbins and I both see that Carrie is like a caring mom to me as well. She tells Carrie, “It’s not very attractive at the moment, but I am sure it is okay to check on your friend if you want.”

Carrie came up and first took my hand and spoke to me before she looked at my surgery sight. “I cannot believe this journey and I am so proud of the beautiful young woman you are becoming.” I share with Carrie about the discovery of me as a viable woman, though Dr. Robbins and I believe it is not realistic to believe I would be able to have children. Carrie shares a prayer for Rose, Sandra and me.

“Sandra, I will be seeing Brianna’s family and leaving your initial check with them. It has a little extra to get going but please pace yourself in using your funds. It will be a very lean life to get by even with our support.” She gave her some gifts, including autographed recordings and picture. “Please call your folks and give them the opportunity to warmly love you. Even though, it will probably be wise to keep the arrangements you have with your Aunt.”

“I will see you Brianna at the concert at the New Jersey Art Center; remember we now have two and likely a third performance. Please do me a favor and just relax and be yourself and don’t worry about being a professional. I’m going to see your family before I leave so they might be late in picking you up. I especially look forward to seeing your Pop Pop again.” I couldn’t help but smile and be amazed by Carrie, I cry as she leaves.

Sandra comes unglued after she left, “You should have told me?”

“I doubt if you would have believed me, and there is no way I expected her to stop here.” Carrie is correct as Aunt Marge picked Sandra up first at 11:30 and it will be after 1:00 p.m. before Pop, Marcy and Mom come to get me.

I snuck down to the gift shop after Sandra left. I’m dressed to go home and I tired of being closed in on the floor. But I was in trouble when I got back, because Dr. Robbins had come up to the floor to sign me out. She was really angry. “Have you learned this from your big sisters or were you like this before?” I simply answered “Yes!”

She gave me an appointment to be back to see her as well as care instructions while I heal. “Dr. Robbins will I have scars that show, and will they interfere with my relationships? How far into a relationship can I go without telling a guy that I was a boy too?”

“The first two I can partially answer now and confirm or tell you otherwise three to six months from now. Most of the time we were able to cauterize the arteries that we were able to use surgical glue instead of stitches and the stitches I used were small and dissolve on their own. Scaring seems like it will be minimal and with the exception of becoming pregnant or a medical condition I doubt anyone will look close enough to see any scaring. I will have the nurse set up appointments for three and six months as well as next week’s appointment.”

“Remember if you don’t make the appointments everything changes back and you will be Brice again.” I looked at Dr. Robbins and am glad I wasn’t Cinderella. When I got teary-eyed she thought she had gone too far. Once again I understood the amusement of tears of joy.

Dr. Robbins came back to the room when Mom, Marcy and my Grandpa come to take me home. I had another surprise I wasn’t to see when we got home. There was a rough sketch of the house with a renovation of one room and the addition of another.

“Pop Pop, you are going to move here,” I said with great glee! I ran and gave him a hug and fought the wincing of pain I felt from my surgery, “Thank you, and thank you!

Mom had me sit on the couch and put my feet up. Lacy is soon over and as we get chatting away in girl talk the pain soon faded away. “Lacy, if she is good for the next hour she should take a slow walk outside. Would you be nice enough to make sure she does what the doctor asked?”

“I will Mrs. Storm, but could I have a light blanket to cover her legs? She hasn’t learned modesty yet.” Why does she have to point out my mistakes to Mom. ‘Mom’, I still miss my Mom; she’s still close in my thoughts. What would she think of me as a daughter, how would my life be different if I lived back in Jersey.

“Bri, pick three colors of my colored embroidery thread and I will show you how to braid some friendship bracelets.” I had quickly chosen four and Lacy is fine with that. After we made over ten friendship bracelets, Lacy sets out to French braid my hair before we go for my slow short walk outside. I like the idea of the French braid but I’m not sure if my hair is long enough or how it would look on me.

Faith and Lacy were right, my hair is longer than I thought and forms a nice French braid to the top of my shoulders. Lacy has made ringlets that dropped down framing my face with a large curls on each side of my head. We walked out front through the garage and down the block to the corner and turned around. Some guys came driving down my street and we like what we see. Seemingly they do too as they turned around at the end of the block. Chad Stephens is the driver according to Lacy; “He’s the hottest hunk at school who is not a big athlete. James his best friend is nothing to sneeze at. Both of them are juniors, honor students and good all around guys.

Chad slows up and pulls over to our side of the street to talk to us. “Nothing about my surgery, Lacy,” She agrees as we move toward the car to visit. Chad asks, “Would you girls be open to go for some ice cream so we can talk?”

“Don’t you have that the wrong way; we should talk before we even consider going for ice cream,” Lacy says. I chimed in, “I hope for your sake you aren’t two strange guys trying to kidnap us. I live over there, two houses down and I suspect my father either has his cell phone or a rifle handy if you are.”

Chad smiled, “Lacy knows better, we’re smarter than that and we’re generally nice guys. I know you are one of the new girls around and are said to be as nice as you look.”

“You could invite us over to talk if you want; we’re not doing anything special,” said James. “My name is Jim Withers and this is Chad Hartley.” Lacy looks at me and gave a small nod.

“That would be fine,” I say, “Just park on this side in the driveway so you don’t block anyone coming or going. If it is alright with my folks we will visit out in the back.” They went around back and Lacy and I went through the house to tell my parents we’re out back talking to two guys.

“Brianna, you were to just go for a walk; you weren’t to pick up some guys. What are their names?”

“They’re Chad Hartley and Jim Withers, Ms. Storm. They are both nice guys.”

Mom says, “Okay, I will bring out some Cokes and Dew in a minute.”

“Mom we don’t even know they want anything.”

“If Chad is anything like his oldest brother it is a mute question.” I want to know how she knew, but I just head out back, pulling Lacy along with me.

We are having a good visit when Mom comes out with the drinks. Chad looks up and is surprised, “Mrs. Storm, what are you doing here? Brianna can’t be your daughter; Marcy only had two sisters Faith and the one who got married.”

Mom smiles, “Hi Chad, I hope not to disappoint you but Brianna is my daughter. She was born at fifteen; I needed another daughter since my eldest daughter as you know got married this summer. Are you thinking about taking my daughter on a date or do you have your eyes on Lacy?”

Chad smiles, as he realizes he is under my Mom’s good graces and passes her approval. “Yes, I’m hoping to take out your daughter and James is interested in asking Lacy out.”

Mom asks about his oldest brother, who dated Marcy at sometime. “Mom, I doubt if Marcy allows you to cut in like this. We are trying to visit and if there’s to be a date I will get your approval later.”

I turn to Chad and James, “If you know who you plan to ask out, why don’t we change seats and see if we’re open to your idea.” Chad sat down next to me. Lacy quickly sits over with James and wraps her arms around his neck, “I’m happy.” Chad wraps his arms around me and says, “I hope you are happy.”

Something inside indicates I’m happy too. “So would it be okay to date a Hartley boy Mom?” I smugly say hoping she is out of hearing range.

My smart phone indicates I have a call from Carrie, “Hi Carrie.”

“Brianna,” It’s Jeanette, “Carrie is going to be in Charleston, South Carolina for a special event on Saturday, we’re wondering if you could come down so you could get some practice time in with Carrie.” I pause in answering. Jeanette “So what are you doing right now? I hope you are being a good girl and following doctor’s orders.”

Lacy takes my phone, “She just picked up a boy as we were walking down the street, Carrie. She’s doing good with boys, maybe bad as far as the doctor, depends on how you look at it.” I take the phone back. I speak up, “Tell Carrie, it just happened, I wasn’t doing anything bad or on purpose.”

Woops, Carrie is the one now on the phone and she enjoys teasing me. “Woe girl, I am worried about how you handle adapting to your new life. So did you set out to catch this boy? I didn’t know you were so easily smitten?”

I yelled, “Mom!” Then I asked Carrie, “Can you wait I just called Mom? I need to ask her if someone could get me down there.”

Lacy whispers, “I’m sure my Mom would take us.” I ask her to call and check with her Mom.

Mom came out, “Yes Honey, where does he plan to take you?”

“Mom, Carrie’s on the phone and wondering if I can get to Charleston, Saturday to practice with her.” “…Carrie says she can spring for two air tickets and passes for her performance.”

Lacy, “My Mom says we can go down early on Friday and come back on Sunday.” Mom shook her head, “That would be fine, maybe one or two of us would enjoy going along as well.”

“Carrie, it looks to be no problem, we will come down on Friday and come back on Sunday. There will however be three to five of us. Will that be okay?”

Lacy and I can go for ice cream and it looks like I found a new boyfriend. It will be nice as it will be easy to double date.

Thursday, I go to see Sandra and Rose. Sandra is now comfortable in nursing and caring for Rose. Their home with her Aunt is settled and while it’s not fancy it will work.

Carrie calls “I’ve reserved a suite for you at the Cottonwood Inn. I hope you realize the others will have more free time to enjoy than you will. When we’re performing and rehearsing I expect us involved to take it seriously.” I’m happy that she can be upfront with me about what she expects. Carrie and I chat for a while before saying good-bye.

The time at Charleston is great fun as she is performing to raise funds for ‘Single Mothers and their Children.’ I experience some discomfort recovering from surgery but all is going well. I’m tickled to be a girl. I am the only one surprised when Carrie called be to sing with her. Especially her new song as it is scheduled to be released soon. Though I don’t know it until later when I sign a release, our performance of the song was recorded for her album.

Things are going well as my Pop Pop announces he will head to Florida when we head out for South Carolina for me to sing with Carrie. The good news is he has given Mr. Storm a deposit for the apartment they will build onto the house. Mr. Storm says, “He can move in, in three months if everything goes well, no later than half a year if it takes longer.”

Pop Pop, my sisters and I spend Thursday night together. When Lacy and our Moms leave for South Carolina with me, he’ll start his trip. Faith like me became a little girl emotionally and doted on Grandpa Will. We were more like three year old granddaughters sitting on his lap with tear-filled eyes. Marcy was the mature granddaughter remembering this and that and saying what he meant to us as well as her. He would ask for a song and Marcy played the piano and we took turns singing parts as Marcy directs us.

Pop Pop is doling out quarters, but I am crying, “Poppa, as I have begun calling him, I don’t want your quarters, I want you to stay. Finally one time when I hug him and cry, he takes hold of me in the most loving hug. Brianna, I love you so much and I don’t want to leave either but because of you I have people who love me to come back to.”

“You do, you do and I will take care of you.” I knew we touched him deeply, he held me because he didn’t want me seeing him cry. I know he’s crying and it warms me, but I know to stay until he is ready to let go. Ruth brings some ice cream and ice tea to bring our time to a close. I sneak away and get ready for bed, but I go to Pop Pop’s room and into his bed as Brice would have done. I wanted to surprise him but I fall asleep before he came to bed.

The next morning when I wake up I smell like Old Spice and Pop Pop is sleeping on top of the sheet and I am snuggled under it. Ma Ruth embraces me as I come out of his room and she takes me to the kitchen.

Soon everyone is stirring, so after my tea and cinnamon toast I check my overnight bag and make sure I have everything I need. That means I am taking a lot just in case. Pop Pop teases, “Brice wouldn’t pack that much for a whole week.” “Brianna looks a lot prettier than Brice ever did.” Pop hugs me, “Brice always wanted to look as beautiful as you and he got his wish.” I and Pop Pop heard a bell as did others, but there is no bell that sounds like that. Mama gives me a hug, “I can only imagine your Grandma Grace agrees.” I get Goosebumps at the thought but there is warmth in my heart.

I give Poppa a CD that Carrie sent me, and I have loaded two others into the player in his car. Lacy and I sit in the far back and Faith is coming as James and Chad can’t. Chad’s parents said it was much too early for him to be traveling with me. I think I am going to like Chad a lot, but I am glad he is not coming.

Now I won’t mind practicing with Carrie as much as she wants. Mom spells Lacy’s Mom and we get to the Cottonwood Inn an hour before we are expected. The event is too help a group in the Southeast to begin a Foundation for Single Moms. Carrie and Jeannette greet me, saying over fifty million dollars is being committed today for the Rivers of Life Foundation. The Foundation’s emblem is the image of a flowing river, and I catch my breath upon seeing it. The beginning of the river seems to be flowing from a distant crevice. I giggle and tell Carrie I liken it to life coming out of a woman. Carrie presses her finger over my lips.

We continue to practice and there are so many people, musicians and singers. Tonight’s concert production team has as many people as for a major concert. The gathering will have a little over a thousand people. The new song is beautiful and Carrie has already cut a record of the song both as a single and a new album being put together.

That takes pressure off of me but I am honored she asked me to sing here. We sing through it five times this afternoon and will sing it twice before we sing it on stage. Carrie is so clam and down to earth as we practice and the entourage behind her are also perfect. It is me that we are practicing hard to bring up to speed. Very little am I singing on my own, but Carrie wants it as good as can be. We are to sit among the people at the banquet but eat little. I am dressed in the palest blue county skirt, my blouse is a shiny white lace over satin. I have a cowgirl hat but it is not to be on my head so as not to disturb my hair. The curt chief around my neck is pink silk.

The first time through the song before the concert I have it. Carrie gives me a light hug, “That is what I like about you. This is why I want you to sing with me.” You could have heard a pin drop during most of the songs, but the glow of the audience and their appreciation of each song is genuine.

Mom and Faith tell me how beautifully I sang, Carrie even directed applause my way for that song and “Jesus, Please Take the Wheel”. Mom finally realizes that I do not know the concert has been recorded. “Jeanette says, It was Carrie’s decision to get you to relax and sing your best. Carrie told the truth there are studio recordings for both recordings. The sound master and others however are already saying tonight’s recording will likely replace those.”

Carrie is speaking with many people, corporate executives, women and men of means. Some people’s names I have heard through the news or elsewhere. But whenever Carrie introduces me to any they come across as caring and personable people I would want as friends. And though I am less significant I am never made to feel that way. I am introduced to Candace, Elizabeth and Amy Jo the top spokeswomen for the Rivers of Life.

I know they did not need to be all women and that there are men in the organization, but I feel those they serve will be better served. Elizabeth is the youngest of the three and a Women’s Doctor. She approaches me and asks to speak alone saying, “Dr. Canfield says hello.” Dr. Canfield was one of my mother’s doctors in New York City and Elizabeth knows I am troubled that she knows. “Dr. Canfield wants you to know me as another person you can safely confide with.”

“You have journeyed a long way young lady and I feel for all you have been through. How is it to know you are the woman you have always been? I hope you enjoy being there for so many other women.” We visited a good thirty minutes. She tells me, “Rivers of Life is based here in Charleston and that I am always welcome to come and visit anytime. There is no woman who couldn’t benefit from our counselors and other caring professionals.”

“Are you sharing that expecting I could make good use of them?”

“All I am saying is that sometimes we open up to someone away from the community where we live. If that would ever be beneficial to you, yes I would want you to know, but I have no specific expectation for you.”

The after concert party is informal but about as big as the concert. Carrie takes me aside and asks me to be one of the Foundation’s Boards. I express that I feel inadequate. “The school you attend is a Charter school with national and global components, the journey of your life has now put you in position to be a voice for young women and their children who have little to no voice on the world stage.”

I move into Carrie’s arms knowing this is less an honor than a responsibility. “Young lady you have already spoken to my heart. I believe you can help make a difference.”

“I hear you Poppa has left Florida but will be coming back to live with you and the Storms. That must be exciting for you. Much has changed for you, I feel for you. You are too old to be a daughter, yet you have come to life in my midst. You are becoming a beautiful young woman in so many ways.”

All I can think of is how beautiful Carrie is. Even if the lights went out I know her beauty shines because of the depth of who she is. “Carrie, is it ever hard to be so beautiful with such a beautiful voice that people might not really understand how beautiful you are deep inside?”

I can feel her hug and I think I feel a tear or two drop on me as she holds me close. “If you trust me, could I see your tears?” She let’s go of me so we can look face to face. Carrie is not fully comfortable with me seeing her cry. “I am sorry but I need someone I look up to who is real.”

To be continued...

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