The gravy thickens, or do I mean plot? What plot, there isn't one!

Easy As Falling Off A Bike.
by Exhausted of Dorset.
part 101.

I sat back in the car in stunned silence. No wonder Simon was a gentleman, he was from a titled family and not one of your life peers, his probably went back to Magna Carta or beyond, while mine were still emerging from the primordial swamp.

This was what Stella had been on about, this was his secret that put off his girlfriends, or was it? Some might be encouraged by it, especially the gold-diggers. How did I feel? Stunned, completely shocked. If he had said he was a reformed drunk it would have shocked me less. We come from different worlds, I'd known that for some time, now I realised we were from different galaxies as well.

I thought Simon said something but I wasn't listening, I was consumed by my own thoughts. It was over, his parents would never stand for him dating someone who used to be a boy, besides they'd want heirs and I can't give them one.

"I said, where do you want to go for lunch?"

"I don't know, I'm not very hungry."

"It worries you doesn't it?"

"What does?" I couldn't really cope with his games at the moment.

"Going out with a chinless wonder."

"What? What are you on about?"

"It's how they used to describe boys from upper class families who went to public school."

"Did they?" I wanted to brood upon my own thoughts.

He switched off the engine of the car and I barely noticed. He grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me towards him. The action caught me by surprise as did the kiss he planted on my mouth. I responded on autopilot for a moment before I realised what was happening and kissed him back.

"I needed to get your attention."

"You got it," I said breathing heavily.

"Good, now I want us to go somewhere for lunch and discuss when you can come with me to meet my parents."

"I can't meet your parents."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't."

"Why ever not?"

"Because, that's why."

"Because of what?" he sounded a little impatient with me.

"Because I'm a pseudo-woman, remember?" I was close to tears.

"Oh God, did I say that?"

"Yes you did."

"Oops! I'm sorry, I withdraw it immediately and apologise unconditionally."

"Simon, you can't just un-say something. It hurt."

"I'm so sorry, I guess I was upset."

"Yeah, well so am I."

"You have to admit that learning that your gorgeous girlfriend used to be a man, is a bit to take on board."

"I accept that and I accept that you were upset when you made that remark. I realise that we are probably finished as a relationship because of my deception, so why are you asking me to meet your parents? It doesn't make sense."

"Because I still love you, or at least I think I do."

"Wouldn't it be better to make sure before you go embarrassing everyone with my presence?"

"What do you mean?"

"Introducing me to your parents, this is Cathy, she used to be a boy."

"As if I'd do that to you or them?"

"I don't know, isn't your dad likely to have me checked out by a private detective?"

"Why?"

"In case he thought I was a gold digger."

"The biggest gold digger is Stella."

"So is she Lady whatever?"

"Yeah, but we don't use any titles because they get in the way."

"I thought they were supposed to be good for getting tables in crowded restaurants."

"Wouldn't know, try to avoid them, prefer quiet ones myself," he gave me one of his captivating smiles and it did just that, captivated me. "So what about lunch?"

"Yeah, okay?"

"Where, you're the local?"

"Oh I don't know, just drive until we see a pub or something."

"Right, that's what we'll do then." He started up the Saab and we drove for about twenty minutes before we came across a pub that looked half decent. "This do?"

We were in the village of Aust, in the shadow of the Severn Bridge, the original one, with views across the river. "I haven't been down here for years." It had changed more than a little in that time.

Inside, it was busy enough for us to be able to find a table near a window overlooking the river, yet far enough away from other patrons to be able to talk in private.

"So will you come with me to meet my parents?"

"What for?"

"I want them to meet you."

"But why? I'm not trying to be awkward, but don't people usually do that sort of thing when they plan on getting married or something?"

"They want to meet you."

"What for?"

"Okay, Stella has been shooting off that cavernous gob of hers, about 'this girl that Simon is dating,' and they want to meet you."

"What like to have lunch together, somewhere?"

"Yeah, and breakfast, dinner and tea. We're invited up for the weekend, when we can give them some dates."

"Gee whizz Simon, I can't do that. I'd be well out of my depth, I don't know my fish knife from my cummerbund. I'd be so embarrassing to be with. Hampstead would be talking about it for years to come."

"It wasn't Hampstead we're invited to."

"What?"

"They have a little place on Scotland."

"What ten thousand acres of grouse moor?"

"Twenty actually."

"There is no way I am going to a country house where they shoot things."

"We don't shoot things in the house, you clot."

"Don't patronise me Simon, you know perfectly well what I mean."

"So are you refusing?"

"Declining their very generous offer."

"Would you meet them in London?"

"For a meal, yes. can't you say I'm too busy to give up the time for anything longer. It's true if I have to keep an eye on my dad."

"Okay, when can you do it?"

"I haven't thought about it, so I don't know."

"Next weekend?" He pulled out his mobile and began to call someone. "Hi Dad, we can do lunch next saturday, at your club? Can't we go somewhere a bit more lively? The Savoy, yeah that'd be fine. One pm, gotcha, we'll be there. She hasn't yet but I think she will. Okay, see you on saturday."

"I haven't what but I will, what?" I demanded.

"Marry me what else?"

I sat and felt my mouth gape open.

"Only joking, the dormouse campaign, the pictures for the posters and fliers."

"Simon, I am going to kill you when we go somewhere private." The relief I felt was almost palpable. Then he sniggered and so did I, then he chuckled and so did I. Then he roared and I giggled. By the time they brought our food, they probably thought they had a couple of escaped loonies in their pub.

We were about to eat when his phone rang. He picked it up and after a few words to the caller said, "There's a Scott for sale on ebay."