Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 2008

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The Daily Dormouse.
(aka Bike)
Part 2008
by Angharad

Copyright © 2013 Angharad
All Rights Reserved.
  
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Turning round I saw Sammi running up behind me. “Here,” she handed me a notebook computer and a memory stick. “Your presentation is on the memory stick, there should be a computer in the room, but have this one just in case.”

“Thank you, sweetheart, I’ll see you later.”

“Dr Watts, the board is waiting,” huffed the dolly secretary bird as she tapped one of her platform soles on the carpet. I said nothing, I certainly wasn’t going to apologise to her or her Jimmy Choos.”

“Ah, Cathy, glad you could make it,” was slight rebuff from Henry who was chairing the meeting.

“Yes, terribly sorry had a computer malfunction.”

“Okay, we’re a bit tight for time so please if you could go straight into your presentation?”

“Of course.” I located the computer from which the projector ran–gosh this was a smart one–it threw up images onto the glass table the board was meeting around, each one forming like a separate screen before each of the members.

I rattled off my stuff after showing a short clip of the woodland and some of the birds, then I showed them the two sites and the findings of the two surveys, the first which I considered to be inadequate and the second which involved me and was thus better–except I didn’t tell them that.

One snotty bloke of about fifty something, who looked as if he’d eaten too many corporate banquets kept looking at his watch. Finally I finished my presentation and asked for questions. He was first up, “Tell me, who is Billie King, the centre will be called after?”

I was gobsmacked–this guy didn’t do his homework. I was just about to go for his jugular when Henry stepped in, presumably to save a blood bath. “My granddaughter who tragically died at the age of twelve.”

“Thank you, Henry. My next question is, laudable as wildlife is, shouldn’t we be concentrating on shareholders, not saving squirrels or other irrelevant vermin? I mean the posters with the bimbo holding the rat was all very well, but my shareholders would prefer better returns on their incomes.”

I began to feel steam coming from my ears as my blood began to boil. I glanced at Simon who was clenching his fists.

Henry stepped in again, “Actually, since we sponsored the dormouse film our stock has risen by seven percent and the number of new current accounts amongst younger people and students has doubled. We are also the only bank with a green agenda which is attracting very good publicity.”

“I suspect an extra point five per cent interest would attract more.”

“I’m not sure it would, we have to fight fire with fire these days, and in these times of climate change and so on, to be the only ecologically responsible bank will pay dividends in the long run.”

“Long run, Henry, f’Chrissake, no one looks beyond six months in banking–get with the times.”

“George, I rather suspect that it was a similar sort of attitude amongst many of our fraternity which got us into this mess in the first place.”

“How much are we paying for this woodland and do we have timber rights for it?”

This time I decided to answer, “The answers to those questions are in my report–if you have difficulty reading it you should have notified the meeting secretary.”

He glared at me and Henry smirked. “How much are we paying you for this shit?” demanded George.

“Much less than they probably pay you for doing even less.”

That was a match to his blue touch paper. Even if I got sacked, it was worth it to see him almost pop and eyeball as he received my retort. One or two faces sniggered then regained control.

“I’ll have you know I represent a pension fund which invested a million pounds last year–what have your rodents contributed?”

Henry was about to speak when I glared at him and he let me represent myself. “I saved the bank more than that last year in energy efficiency–you should read your reports.”

“Is this true?” asked George, beginning to realise he wasn’t the most popular person in the room.

“It is, actually, and through Cathy we have also been reassessing security and that should save us another half a million a year for the next five years. In addition, through another of Cathy’s contacts, we’ve increased the computer security which alone in preventing much of the cyber fraud that goes on currently. We could be making savings of tens of millions of pounds every year.”

“With due respect, Henry...” which usually means anything but respect, “why do we need an ecologist–and why this one–shouldn’t we have gone out to tender to various universities?”

Simon clenched his fist again and looked very red in the face. However, Henry looked quite calm, even clinical–yeah, clinical–it turned out to be quite a prophetic term.

“You clearly don’t recognise Dr Watts?”

George shook his head and Simon smirked, he knew something I didn’t–like a coup de grace on its way.

“Dr Watts is a lecturer in biological sciences at Portsmouth University, being a lead on the field biology and ecology courses. She is also the lead on the recently completed first year of the mammal survey of Great Britain which is attracting a great deal of interest from the EU, and she is currently liaising with the EU to start the survey on the same sort of basis we’ve run ours. She is internationally recognised as a leading expert on the hazel dormouse and made the film the BBC have shown at least twice. She is currently researching one for the harvest mouse. The sponsorship we gave for the dormouse film provided us with a whole hour of publicity at peak time–to have run half a dozen adverts on commercial TV would have cost us at least three times as much, and been run while everyone was filling their kettle. They all saw our name at the beginning and end of the film.

“Dr Watts is also the model for the poster we did with the dormouse which has won us two awards–” that was news to me–“in addition, she is constantly seeking to improve our image with the public–who are after all, the people who loan us their money–in ways which cost us relatively little, but bring in new markets every time. Rather than questioning her salary perhaps we should be increasing it?”

A murmur of approval ran through the meeting with the exception of George who didn’t know when to quit. “I don’t recall anything in any minutes about appointing an ecological adviser?”

“There weren’t any, I appointed Cathy off my own bat and got her very cheaply, I thought.” A murmur of agreement followed his statement. Maybe I should ask for a pay rise? Only joking.

“I’m still baffled by how you chose to go for a wildlife centre to remember your granddaughter–why not a skate park or paddling pool–what’s the connection?”

“Tell him, Henry,” said someone close to his seat.

“I told you, Billie was my granddaughter, and I know she’d have approved of her name being associated with such a place–she really like nature.”

“So does my granddaughter, but I wouldn’t spend several million on such things even for her.”

“George, stick with pension funds–leave the clever stuff to me and my family.”

George looked bewildered.

“Cathy is Henry’s daughter in law,” said the woman sitting next to George–“you really should read your notes, George.” He went very red and glared at me, I beamed him a lovely smile while wishing he’d spontaneously combust–he didn’t, but his colostomy bag suddenly filled and began to leak. He gave his apologies and dashed out of the room leaving his spare bags behind.

“Thank you, Cathy,” Henry gave me my dismissal and I picked out my memory stick, and Sammi’s computer. Walking past George’s chair I picked up his spare bags and nodding to the meeting went out to the corridor. I stopped outside the gents and grabbing the first available man who was passing asked him to take them in to George.

He reappeared a moment later smirking. “A bit late I think–he’s covered in it.” I had no intention of seeing him humiliated like that now his threat had ceased so I asked the chap to find out what shirt size he was. He sighed but went in and asked.

“Seventeen,” he was about to go off when I stopped him.

“Had your lunch yet?”

“No, why?”

“Here’s sixty quid, go and get him a replacement shirt and you can keep the change.”

“Okay–you’re on.”

“Hadn’t you better tell him to wait and clean himself up. Oh and get him a white shirt. A pink tie on a blue striped shirt is so passé.” The youngster went back into the gents and I went off to find Sammi and some lunch.

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Comments

Only worth a million in investments and on the board?

Seems like Henry could do a better job of choosing board members.

You want a board to question expenditures and investments but members who do at least a little homework are better than blowhards who object to everything.

No matter how much of a pain in the rear the guy is you can't wish a colostomy (and whatever it was done to stop) on anyone. Surprised Cathy didn't cure him while she was thinking about him.

Compassion even to someone who's been an difficult shows Cathy's true nature.

Some cures

Aren't so easy. He had the colostomy long before the meeting, he did after all have spare bags with him. Healing that would be reversing major surgery, as well as healing colo-rectal cancer. Even Cathy might find that a bit of a time-consuming challenge. Besides, what happened might just have been that board-member's version of shitting his pants. Given how thoroughly he'd stepped into it, that seems quite likely to me! ;-)


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

There are...

There are other reasons for a colostomy... It's used in certain types of "Ulcerative Colitis"... (Remove the Colon, and it's gone, if it's not impacted other parts of the body.)

The guy must have other reasons for being on the board. He knows someone... Or, he's 'safe'... Or, they needed someone to represent "pension fund" interests, without the ability to influence the bank. Lots of reasons he could be there... Heck, it's possible he USED to be helpful... 5-6 years ago... but has been 'distracted' by his health problems the last bit...

Of course, he could be a real deadweight... In any event... It provided some interesting dialog opportunities... :-)

Thanks,
Annette

Don't worry

When the lady you're attacking glares at you. Worry when she smiles at you!


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

I suspect ...

I suspect dear George might not be on the board much longer and when a vacancy comes up I've got this feeling in my water as to who might be invited to join. After all, it is primarily a family owned bank.

Jus' have to wait and see on that question.

I never did hold with suits.

Good chapter Ang.

Still lovin' it,
Bevs.

XX

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Good old George!

Rah! Rah! Rah! Go for it George! But do your homework much better next time! You flunked the course miserably this time, and there is probably not going to be a second chance.

Henry is right when he mentioned that their fraternity might have had something to do with helping the ecology attain its present state,and they are not the only ones. Ecology wasn't really a concern at that time, except perhaps to a few biologists and scientists. Our world is what it is, and we certainly haven't done a very good job taking care of it these past couple of centuries.

A possible replacement for George on the Board of Directors? Now that is an interesting thought!

Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?

Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm

George and Pensions

I know that Henry does like having people who are smart around him. And from past episodes, If George was a failure in his department, he would of been canned. So I think, George might be the type of wizard they want in charge of their pensions. Henry did not need to chew him out this time, he let the one who wears the pants in the family, even though it is a skirt, do the chewing.

Wonder if the Blue Light will

lead Cathy to heal colostomy bag George of the bungle?

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

Another Gem

Thank you for another slice of life from the Watts/Cameron Household

Goddess Bless you

Love Desiree

How does it go, giving one just enough rope to hang themselves?

As I read this chapter I could see George digging himself deeper and deeper in it..
He had better be DAMNED good at what he does because as a person he is rude. Though honesty is to be admired sometimes it pays to shut the F up!

I wonder if he might be encouraged to retire .... soon. VERY soon.

Plus as a board members he should have been up on important issues to be discussed. Hell, he must have assistants. They could have read the reports and summarized them for him, IE made him a cheat sheet. Rather like the staff for a Congressman or the law clerks of Supreme Court members.

But no, he goes to a meeting clueless THEN compounds it with insulting -- unknowingly, I said he was clueless -- members of the Chairman of the Board and largest share holder's own family.

I agree, the primary duty of the board is to make the bank secure and profitable. To grow the brand as it were.

But as Henry calmly pointed out, all this frivolous and wasteful spending on ecology HAD saved the bank millions already, was going to save more in the future AND the good publicity had brought in significant numbers of young customers. Ones who will need loans and other services for decades.

IE that Bimbo and her rat were and will continue to be VERY profitable for the bank. Plus she had put them in contact with people who greatly improved the security of their computers, efficiency of their buildings... ALL money saving projects. Heck what are the odd as a decade or so from now Trish is head of IT and electronic security for the bank? Working with her dear friend and sister Sammi no doubt. Henry an active Chairman Emeritus, Simon Co-chair with Cathy perhaps?

No by then she will be head of BBC science films.

He couldn't have dug himself much deeper if he had tried.

Funny.

Hum, maybe others here are right. Perhaps the man needs a little blue light healing or a family member does.

Was he arrogant because of his position or is there pain in his life?

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

Don't you just love

it when a pompous old fool gets his backside well and truly kicked , Great episode Angharad which just goes to prove the words are sometimes mightier than the sword.

Kirri