If this is going to work, then perhaps you should call me Donna.

Backstage was dim compared to the spots showing on stage. I was nervous standing there waiting to go out. Sarah stood next to me, holding my hand. I took a deep breath and nodded to the sound guy just before I strode out onstage.

As soon as the music started I smiled. When I got to my cue I opened my mouth and sand the opening words of "Born this Way". There had been some concern about them allowing it, but apparently our initial worries were groundless. When it got done there wasn't a sound from the auditorium. As if the finally realized where they were, the stunned silence broke into applause and a standing ovation. I gave another blinding smile and said, "My name is Donna Lowell and that was my talent." and then walked off stage.

Sarah grabbed me into a hug and the two of us squealed, quietly, as the next girl in line went out on stage.

"That was awesome," Sarah said breathlessly.

"You really think so?"

"I know so. I've never heard you sing like that. It seems love agrees with you."

"Sarah!" I said, shocked.

"Well, looks like someone else wants to congratulate you." She said with a sad little smile. I kissed her on the cheek. I whispered in her ear, "I love you too, Sarah."

I left her looking a little stunned and walked over to Steven, "Hey," I said with a smile.

"Wow, you're amazing. If that's a little glimpse of this personality and attitude you mentioned, then yeah, I have to agree. A guy couldn't go wrong with someone like you."

The rest of the night went by in a blur of on-stage off-stage and talking to Sarah and Steven.

I spent about equal time with each of them as Sarah was my assigned assistant for the night. Then we were getting into our clothing for the processional and the night was over.

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We were back outside the next day, but I didn't mind. I'd given it my all the night before, and I was happy to have done so. Unfortunately, though, it had finally gotten real for some of the girls, and the claws came out.

My name began to feature in a number of the rumors that were going around, some of which accused me of being a lesbian, others claimed that I was sleeping with half of the male tech staff between sets. The dichotomy made me laugh, especially since it could almost be true for me. I really didn't know where I would fall, yet, on the whole sexual spectrum.

All I really knew was that I didn't want to lose Sarah as a friend.

The other rumors were more welcome, if less understandable. Apparently someone had seen the current score tally, and I was in the top ten for the night. Some rumors had me in the top position.

They were only planning on taking ten girls from each night to the final night, so that would mean I had made it through to the next round. I kept thinking that it was some cruel joke, since none of the other names, as far as I knew, was being whispered around.

I did my best to ignore all the whispers that day, and made it through to the evening without much other trouble. Before heading down to the auditorium that night, I grabbed my sketch book from my room. I figured it would be the best I could do on short notice.

I slipped into the bustle of the pre-show setup looking for Steven. Finally, I found him with an older boy who looked a lot like him. Something about the older boy really creeped me out, but I pushed it aside and plastered one of the smiles I'd been practicing this week onto my face.

"Greg, this is the girl I was talking about," Steven said as I walked up.

"Isn't she a little young?" Greg asked.

"I'm sixteen," I said a little indignant.

"Late bloomer, bro. She has an awesome voice, though."

"I'm a pretty good artist," I said, gesturing with my sketch book.

"Can I see that?" Steven said.

"Sure." I said with a genuine smile.

"By the way," Steven said as he began looking at my sketches, "this big lump is my brother."

"Yep, catch you later, bro. Too much estrogen."

"I should probably go as well...I'm supposed to be out there in the audience."

"Wait," Steven said grabbing my hand.

"There's an empty page in here. Draw me?"

"I couldn't..."

"Sure you can," he said with a blinding smile, "you're really good."

I blushed, my thoughts from the day before coming back to me with force. I slid the pencil out, took my pad gingerly from him, and began sketching. Time went away as I really got into it. I love art, and it gave me an opportunity to really study his face without looking creepy doing it.

Time got away from me as I continued to sketch him, trying to get everything just right. I did each part in pieces over a couple of pages, and then I sketched one finished picture.

As I was showing Steven, I realized that they were cleaning up already, and Sarah was sitting off to one side with an amused expression on her face. "This one has to go to bed. Say goodnight, Donna."

"Night," I said with a smile as I reached for my pad.

"Could I keep this picture?"

"Of course not," I said with a smile, "I need something to remember you by."

"Well, I could always keep it and then you could use me to remember me by," he said with a huge grin.

"Not tonight she doesn't, loverboy," Sarah said pushing me toward the exit.

We started laughing as we walked out of the auditorium. A bus was waiting with a bunch of impatient girls. We got in and seated ourselves as quickly as we could, giggling the entire time.

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The next day was more of the new routine. I didn't get much time to spend with Steven that night as I had a prima donna who had me running the entire night. As I was coming back once I heard her speaking to the girl with the makeup table next to hers.

"That's her?"

"Yep, that is the infamous Donna. Not sure I believe half the rumors though; she's too...sweet."

"I think its jealousy. I saw her talent on Monday."

"So did I. If it wasn't for the pacing differences I'd almost assume it was a lip synch."

"And she's an artist as well. And she always has perfect makeup. And her clothing is custom fit. There's no way that rail thin body can wear something off the rack."

"Not unless she was wearing little girl outfits anyway."

They both giggled at that.

"So, you think she'll win then? I heard a couple of the other girls thinking so."

"She has a good chance, that's why I've been running her ragged. Hopefully she'll get so run down that she'll just quit."

I walked in at this moment with her third bottle of water for the evening, "Don't expect me to break anytime soon," I said with a smile that had teeth in it, "I'm a lot tougher than I look, and I know how to be a real bitch when I need to."

There was menace in my voice when I said it, and both girls got a little pale. I have no idea where that came from, but it felt good to get a little of my own back.

"Anything else I can get you right now," I asked, going back to my sweetness and light that I'd been showing previous to this tonight.

They both shook their heads, their faces slack. I laughed and walked away to get myself something to drink. I was decidedly tired and needed a moment of break anyway.

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They held the busses that night and told us to meet them in the auditorium.

"We've had a wonderful week so far," the judge from the first morning said, "and we've got just one more night to go."

"We're going to read off your names, in no particular order. These names are those that will be participating in the final night's pageant. If your name is not read, then we thank you for your participation this year. You are all talented girls, but there really can only be one person to receive the crown. The thirty names I'll be reading are just those that have to wait a little longer before they are disappointed."

Man, that was harsh, but I appreciated the way she did it. I think it was an attempt to deflate a few egos. It's a good possibility that they'd heard about the rumors going around.

Sarah was in the first ten names read, and we hugged and squealed. I was bouncing in my seat just as much as she was. As the names went by, and my name wasn't called, I kept trying to keep it together. I didn't really want to win anyway, did I?

I knew already I was a special person, and I didn't need a crown to tell me so.

By the time that the twenty fourth name was called, I was pretty sure that I wasn't in the top thirty and would be going home.

"Donna Lowell."

It's not like it was a big loss, I mean I'd only done this for Sarah anyway...

"Donna, you're in! You're participating with me tomorrow."

"I'm in? I'm in!" We squealed and bounced and hugged as the last names were called. We were pretty loud and a couple of people around us told us to be quiet. I think even the judge onstage was smiling at our antics. It was the first smile I'd seen out of her the entire time that we'd been here.

They got to the end of the list, and we rose to leave.

"Anyone whose name wasn't called can see me after this for a moment. We need thirty volunteers to help out backstage. We'll take the first thirty people to talk to me. Everyone else, again, thanks for coming."

We had a hard time getting to sleep that night, but eventually Mama forced us to quiet down. Once we finally wound down we were asleep before we knew it.

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We practiced in the auditorium all day the next day. It was really different with the introduction of only thirty girls and not the hundred of the other three nights. It really started to sink in that this was happening.

I was a contestant in the Miss America's Outstanding Teen pageant. I was taken by a girl by all of my peers. I'd spent a couple of nights this week flirting with a cute boy. I'd thought a boy was cute.

We did all of the changes and so on, but with only thirty of us, we actually practiced the routines and processionals and so on.

When practice was done we only had one more night and it would be over. This test, for good or ill, would be complete and this entire experience would be nothing more than a memory.

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The introductions had gone off without a hitch. It was so fast compared to Tuesday. It really brought home to me that less than ten percent of us were still in competition. I had to hurry off stage because my talent was scheduled for first.

I was standing, nervous to go on again, watching the spots on stage. Steven came up to me, "You ready."

I shook my head slightly no. I must have really looked frightened. He grabbed me by the shoulders and planted a kiss firmly on my lips.

"For luck," he said.

Somehow I glided out on stage, the music started, and I sang. I don't remember anything of that performance except for the smile that just wouldn't leave my face, and the fact that I didn't feel like my feet were in touch with the ground.

The applause was explosive and immediate. I bounced off the stage with the same smile I'd entered it. Sarah was there and we hugged and bounced and smiled. Our sqeals were very quiet.

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I strode with confidence out onto the stage. I had my onstage question in my pretty dress, the fitness routine, and then it was the waiting for the judges to come to a decision on who had won.

I stood behind the podium and smiled out at the audience as my name was announced, along with my high school.

"Donna, what is it like living as a transgender woman?"

I hoped that they didn't see the fear in my eyes because I'm sure my smile didn't slip.

"Could you repeat the question please?"

"Oh, I meant to say: What difficulties do you think face those people living as transgender women today?"

It wasn't much better, but at least I wasn't about to tell everyone I was a guy.

"I think that's difficult for me to answer, as I really don't know many transgender individuals, or at least I don't think I do."

I waited for a moment for the laughter to die down before I continued.

"I would imagine that as public awareness increases it becomes easier for all of us to live as we were meant to be. In the past women had a hard time living in a society that treated them as individuals to be coddled and protected from a world that was too harsh for them.

"Whether we're white, black, purple, gay, transgender, or anything else we should be treated as people first. Who we are is more important that what we are, thank you."

There was clapping from the audience, but I'm sure some of the other girls got a much better response. I smiled and waved to the audience and walked off the opposite way to the one I'd come in on.