Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 1905

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The Daily Dormouse.
(aka Bike)
Part 1905
by Angharad

Copyright © 2012 Angharad
All Rights Reserved.
  
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When I go shopping in peak times like the post Christmas sales, I take a special handbag which has a purse included on a strap to the bottom of the bag. It is possible to detach it but I don’t bother, as I don’t use it too often.

I left Trish and Livvie playing with Hannah, and took Mima with me to get her some new wellingtons. The rain had slowed to a deluge, and by the time we got to town I was all in favour of coming home. I managed to park in the Waitrose car park and we trotted into town, pulling up the hoods on our coats with one hand the other holding each others hand.

In the first shoe-shop we encountered, Mima saw some pink wellies with fairies on them. They were so over the top saccharine that they made me feel ill. The wellingtons weren’t actually in the sale goods, except to declare, ‘buy one get a second pair half price.’

They had some in Mima’s size and she was stamping round the shop like the Incredible Hulk, and if she was practicing for some puddle stamping she’d be making a mistake, because when you do, the water shoots straight up and hits you in the groin. It’s even worse when walking on mudflats, then it’s sticky, gelatinous goop which makes it look like you were doubly incontinent.

I stepped outside the shop and called home, I knew everyone there had enough gumboots, but did Hannah? She didn’t, was a size two, and she’d like anything girly according to Ingrid.

I got her some yellow ones with butterflies on. Meems opted to wear her new acquisitions and found out that my theory of puddle splashing still held water, or rather her knickers did now. We dashed back to the car and I gave her a spare pair to put on–anyone with small children, always carries a spare pair of panties–then we off to the shops again.

It was in the crush on the main street by John Lewis that someone had a go at my purse. I was bending down to hear what Mima was trying to tell me when I got propelled forward, only just managing to stop my head hitting plate glass. I simultaneously tightened my grip on my bag and was glad I did, because I felt that being torn away from me.

Astonishingly, I held on to my bag and even more remarkably, Mima belted the would be thief with her umbrella, in a very delicate place. He started to run for it and I grabbed her umbrella and flung it at him, catching him on the back of his head, I also called, “Stop thief,” well, it works in the movies.

It did here too, he ran straight into a copper, who attempted to apprehend the villain but instead got a punch in the face and fell down. “Stay with the policeman, Mima,” I said, and charged off after our miscreant.

I caught him. He suggested I was mistaken, and told him that fingerprints on my bag would prove if I was lying or not, and what about the policeman–that was a serious offence, decking a plod.

He seemed to be checking something over my shoulder, so I suspect his support team were gathering. I was so glad I had trousers on. I felt someone grab my arms from behind which enabled me to lean back and deliver two kicks, one to stop him breeding, the second to stop him from getting away, to the side of his knee. The impetus from the kicks had pushed me into my other attacker and we both went sprawling, me on top of him. He let go my hands and I elbowed him three or four times wherever I could make contact. He swore at me and wriggled free, spun round and grabbed his leg as he tried to make off. He didn’t. He rose to his knees and I pushed him from behind and he headbutted a third member of the team in his family jewels.

All three of them were rolling about on the wet pavement by the time the police arrived, with Mima who enjoyed her ride in a squad car. Loads of people had captured the action on their camera phones, and I just knew my You tube fame was about to be rekindled.

Some woman had seen me catch the bloke up and him attempt to hit me, with his friend’s help, it also captured my street-fighting technique–anything and everything goes. The copper chuckled as I took out the second one and the film showed the second disabling the third. They arrested them on the spot as known offenders–sadly, Romanians, who seem to be rather better at street crime than employment.

I gathered Mima and we went back home via Waitrose where I got a few things for the larder. “Mummy, you’s got a howe in you twouses.”

I checked, she was quite right, I’d put a hole into the knee of my trousers. I dumped the food and we ran into John Lewis where I grabbed a pair from the sale which fitted perfectly. Then it was back home before the phone started ringing.

I explained to Simon and Tom and the others what had happened, and that several people had filmed in on phones. It seems they encourage a form of voyeurism, rather than offering assistance.

Of course it was no more than an hour later when the phone rang and someone from the local paper who had the pictures wanted to confirm who it was in them. Simon denied all knowledge of all of it.

It was apparently already on You tube entitled, ‘Portsmouth woman deals with three thugs.’ I saw it and was horrified. It didn’t show my face clearly, which was the only good bit, but the size of the three men–they were huge. If I’d realised that I’d have let them go.

Andy Bond arrived a little later, “I’m beginning to feel a bit like one of the royal liaison officers, only dealing with lesser nobs.”

“So I’m a lesser nob, now am I?”

“No, that wasn’t what I meant it to say–look, when they know you’re involved in anything, they find me and send me off to calm things down.”

“What needs calming down?”

“Our little Romanian friends are suggesting they might sue you for damages for assault.”

“Are they still in custody?”

“No, they were bailed.”

“Pity.”

“Why?”

“I was going to suggest you tell them to ask the judge for a long sentence and then deportation.”

“What for?”

“Because the next time I see them I’ll kill them.”

“Cathy, you can’t go round saying such things, especially in front of a police officer.”

“I didn’t say it wasn’t an idle threat, as long as they believed it. No I’ll need to find out where they live and terrorise them for a few weeks.”

“I don’t believe I’m hearing this,” Andy Bond looked horrified.

“The look on your face is priceless, Andy–you stopping for a cuppa?

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Comments

Seriously...

Seriously, Cathy, you need to be nicer to Mr. Bond... He's one of the few that's been consistently on your side. And, here you go saying things like this.

Now, what happens if the three stooges end up dead somewhere, specially with arrows in them. *sighs*

The shopping sounds familiar... Though, not the bit about grabbing a pair of trousers and it fitting first try.

Thanks,
Annette

have to agree with

not messing with the one cop who seems sympathetic.

Sure hope you're feeling Better Ang.

Hope that you are feeling better.

I love Bike, but I hope that you are feeling better.
Obviously if you are well, you can continue to write Bike well into the future (giggle).

Romanian thugs, now?

Who's next, Count Dracula?

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

There they are!

The Romanians return for a repeat engagement. Sadly, they haven't learned their lesson yet.

And poor, poor Andy Bond. He has the makings of a fine chief, having to play "go between" to keep the peace between the local department and Cathy. Seems the local department has learned something.

Sadly,

the Romanian connection is all too often true.

It always pays to secure your purse to your person or inside your bag.

Nice chapter Ang, seems Cathy hasn't lost her touch.

XX

Bevs.

bev_1.jpg

I don't think Cathy's kidding

about the threats.

Andy's life is getting too dull. He needs more stress in his life. And Cathy has not ruined a high level Plod's career in a while.

Or Si will hire Count Dracula to take them out.

TGNear-Avatar_0.png

Bear

Thanks for another action

Thanks for another action packed episode of Bike. I do hope you're feeling better and that your felines are being good to mom.

Kris

{I leave a trail of Kudos as I browse the site. Be careful where you step!}

By Romannian I think she means Romanish...

or gypsies as they used to be called.

One of the last migratory *tribes* in Europe and sadly far too many of them are trained as thieves of one kind or another.

Possible a combination of the us vs them mindset. And historically they have been persecuted.

Hum, who bailed them out? That might be worth investigating.

John in Wauwatosa

P.S. As to Vlad the III or Vlad the Impaler. The current queen of England is a direct blood decendent. REALY.

John in Wauwatosa

We get frustrated

I am sure that she wishes that she could walk down the street without the plonkers.

But if you show a weapon, intending to take care of them, then you are in more trouble than the criminals.

Personally, Sharia law in criminal cases may help.

Go figure.

Gwendolyn

You would have

to doubt that Cathy would ever face any assault charges given that the the pickpockets were released on bail, Chances are they have moved onto another town where they are less likely to be set upon by a one woman fighting machine...

Seems also that Cathy's children like what they see, Not for the first time one of her children helped her out, This time Mima who proved an umbrella can be a more tha useful weapon even in the hands of one as young as she is..

Hopefully you are feeling a little better Ang, Bugs like that are so annoying ... And why do they always choose Christmas to say hello...

Kirri