Images 40

Chapter 40

*Taylor…..

Ingrid…wow she’s a real fucking piece of work. I mean I’ve known some nasty and angry girls and some really screwed up girls and stuff but honestly she takes the cake for both of them.

Possibly the whole frigging bakery.

Okay if I’m getting this right she was Jenna’s best friend and the girl that was helping her transition. Which from what Jen has told me was the only time that she had started really feeling anything in her life.

But Ingrid is scared of getting labelled as a lesbian and was in denial about being one and when it had been heading toward Jen admitting that she was a straight girl it she went all spastic over it in this closeted girl fit and all it took was mother fucking Troy to push her just enough to betray Jen over it in this fucked up weird revenge trip.

But to get someone that’s your “best friend” drunk then drug them to rape them in order to get a kid out of it to blackmail her with to stay with you is just…well it’s fucking mental.

Cute kid though…

Hurt kid though.

I went out to get her out of the van and she wasn’t even looking up, just all sad quiet sitting in her car seat and when I open the car door and got her I said. “C’mon pumpkin let’s go see your mommy.”

The poor little thing actually sighed.

Like two and she sighed.

If she had the words I’m sure she would’ve said …Fuck…

And finding out that Ingrid’s apparently dying now of something like ovarian cancer? If that’s not going to be a serious blow to Jenna. I know my girl and despite everything that Ingrid’s done to her she’s going to try her damndest to make things as right as she possibly can.

Well I know that Ingrid’s not BSing us. I know the shaved head and I know that color too. Actually she does look worse off than me or than I did there’s definitely something off and wrong with her color.

Yeah she’s really sick.

I hang out quietly and just sort of watch my girl and the little girl and Giselle seems to just click with Jenna. And honestly if you looked at her and Jen you’d seriously think mother and daughter the resemblance is that close.

So could the kid just look at Jen and just tell?

I don’t know but as much as I think that I’m a tough nut when she called Jen “Mum.” And hugged her and held on to her I was in real danger of shedding a few tears.

And the way the Jenna was with her and watching her sleeping with Giselle like that was just.

Yeah I don’t really believe in God y’know not like Jen does but since Jenna’s came into my life I can honestly say that yeah…I believe there are Angels.

I see Ingrid stir after awhile and she changes colors and I go and I quickly lead her to the bathroom and she’s doing the power hurl thing. There’s a little sympathy there for her as she’s white knuckling the toilet bowl but not a whole lot of it.

Honestly…I don’t like this chick that much.

Sigh but I head out and I go to our kitchenette and stuff and I make some tea. Jen got this herbal stuff for me that doesn’t taste too bad and I make some fresh and I get her a small glass of grapefruit juice. Don’t ask me why but a small amount of it seemed to like to stay down with me. I normally really don’t like the stuff either It’s like bile if bile was imitating orange juice.

I get that on a tray with some water and I heat up one of Jenna’s cinnamon buns. It’s another one of those things that stayed down with me and I practically lived on them. Hell I still practically live on them. I’m not out of the woods or cleared yet and there are days when me and the meds I’m on to help me fight off the rest of the shit or to keep it from growing back make me and some of the stuff that I’m cooking sometimes be less than friends.

I slip into the bathroom and I wet a hand towel and pass it to her with the water. “Here, I know the feeling.”

She glares at me with this fuck you and go die look. “Really?” oh bitch that was just dripping with venom.

“Yeah really, I’m still taking my cancer meds.”

“Yeah…Jenna said that so you’re like her husband right?”

“Yeah I am so?”

“So you’re a fag then.”

“Nope, Jenna’s a girl.”

“Not really.”

“She’s a better fucking woman than you are.”

“What’d you say to me?”

“I didn’t fucking stutter Ingrid.”

“Fucking asshole men…”

“Yeah, I’m such an asshole.” I say as I set the tray down on the edge of the bathtub.

“What’s this?”

“Breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Yeah I know like I said, but you need to eat.”

“Why, it doesn’t fucking matter, I’m not going to recover.”

“How long?”

“A couple of months…two maybe three.”

“Hmmph, sucks but get other opinions.”

“Yeah I figured you’d say something like that. I don’t live a charmed fucking life.”

“Neither did I until Jenna, They gave me the you’re going to die letter too, get your shit done…I was supposed to be dead a long time ago according to them.”

“Blessed ain’t?”

“Of fucking get over yourself Ingrid. Other people have it hard, other people have had it harder than we’ll thankfully ever know.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’ve got a Somali waitress down stairs that’s a challenge to that attitude honey and despite the shit she’s been through she’s still a damned nice person. You…you’re not and it’s that poor fuckin me attitude that’s doing it.”

“I don’t care! It’s not fair!”

“Life never once care with a guarantee Ingrid. It doesn’t, it’s exactly what you make it.”

“Yeah so it’s my fault that my life’s been utter shit!?”

I get down kneeling and pick her up and set her ass on the toilet. I’m looking her in to face, eye to eye. “Yes, it’s that simple…life happens, things happen and it just on us, only us what we do with the time that we have…love, friendships, parenting it’s all our choices…to have other people treat us the way we want…need…we have to do the same…you, me, nobody wants to dump their life, love and time into a black hole…”

“But…”

“No, no more fucking buts…you’re out of them, dying, this is the last goddamned bit of time for you to get your head out of your cunt and stand up ad actually be the Ingrid you want to be.”

“I can’t I killed her with everything and…”

I cut her off tapping her on the forehead. “No, you’re still alive, she’s still alive you’re hurting way more all the time then from just the cancer right?”

She nods, tears flowing.

“That’s the real you screaming and beating herself bloody to get out.”

She just stares at me…crying…sniffling occasionally.

“Drink the juice first give it a few minutes then the tea…and there’s stuff here you can use…take a bath…and instead of getting clean outside try letting the bullshit soak off of you okay?”

(Sniffle.) “Y..yeah..”

I leave and I close the door and go and take a peek at Jenna laying in our bed Giselle in her arms and there’s this at peace, happy look with tears on her face and the little one holding tight.

I go and get my guitar and I just sit there and play softly strumming away in the big chair across from our bed. I kind of feel Jenna watching me and smiling. I’m just a guy that messes around with the guitar and sort of can sing but I try anyway.

It’s kind of that Hambone-country version of *Hush little Baby* but if like George Thorogood sang it.

“Hush, little baby, don't say a word.  
Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird
And if that mockingbird won't sing,  
Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring  

And if that diamond ring turns brass,  
Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass  

And if that looking glass gets broke,  
Papa's gonna buy you a billy goat  

And if that billy goat won't pull,  
Papa's gonna buy you a cart and bull  

And if that cart and bull fall down,  
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town”

I know she crying and I know that she’s got good tears going…God Jenna, how do you do that? How can you just look at a guy like me and make me feel…right.