Bridges 29

Chapter 29

It’s so different I lived for so long not fitting into place then I figure it out and it’s a hard messed up journey to go on.

I’m Sam Chase and I’m a Post op transgendered woman.

I just asked my fiancée to marry me for Christmas and she said yes. And she’s happy, I’m happy but there’s this part of me that is still old Sam…guy Sam if you will that’s got this big grin inside. He’s finally in love, he’s got the girl of his dreams.

Oh I know there’s those people out there that totally reject the men they were. I get that I do but as much as I was really, really not meant to be a guy. I was one, or I did a good job at being one and you know…I’m okay with that now. I’m not going to say that part of my life was fake or pretend it was something that never happened.

Male me is really the female me with some plumbing issues and some fixes that needed to be made. But he wasn’t someone I hated being, it was just…when I discovered who I really was it was an “Oh.” moment.

But Samaritan had dreams…and honestly as I was in transition I was more convinced that they weren’t going to ever happen.

But then I met Brandon, and then I met Cass.

And I learned even more about who I am and Samaritan Chase…has everything that she every wanted.

I really do…Home, friends, family around me, I’m going to be a parent…I smile and hug myself watching my Cass with her family all bubbly and excited and preggers hormonal and weepy happy. I’m weepy happy too but introspective at the same time. I can’t help but wonder.

Will I be Mom, or Mum?

Brandon hugs me and gives me a cup of hot chocolate and I sip it and smile. “Thank you Brandon.”

He shrugs. “I was making some anyway.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t think that this was it y’know…I thought you and I would go further than this.”

“I know.”

“I was that obvious?”

“Yep.”

“It wasn’t obvious to me.”

“Yeah that’s because when It’s our own shit Sam we’re not the ones who really smell it.”

“Nice…”

“I’m all about the class.”

“You are, Brandon god I wish that things weren’t like this…I feel like we’re leaving you in the cold.”

“Well first of all I’m not. I’m getting to be a father and I get to raise my child with the two women that I have been closer to than any other women in my life.”

I can’t help but to hug him side on and kiss him on the cheek and hold onto his arm I can’t help but smile at him.

“See, right there you say things like that and you show me that it’s true…that there are guys out there for a girl to meet and find that are those guys that their daddies were.”

“Sam…”

“No…Brandon, you are. I loved my Dad with everything I had and when I started my transition and started to really connect to the woman that I am…My Dad became this whole other guy to me, he went from being my Dad to being my Daddy…that guy that loves me, defends me, and makes me feel like a princess on the worst days of my life. You are one of those guys Brandon.”

“I’m no Saint you know.”

“No, you’re not but you’re a damned good guy, a good man and that’s just as important to me.”

“Sam…”

“Brandon….”

“Yeah?”

“Be my best man, and be the guy to walk me down the aisle.”

“We don’t have an Aisle.”

“You know that.”

“So?”

“So?” I’m honestly confused.

“The greenhouse?”

“For?”

“The Wedding.?”

“What? Oh…”

Cass almost skips over. “I like that but it’ll take some cleaning up.”

Cass’s Dad and her brothers all have smiles along with the rest of them. “Come with us Casey, Samantha.”

We follow them out to the greenhouse. Brandon had built it to get his place rated as an organic farm. He mostly grows sprouts in here you know those little containers of micro greens at the grocery stores that kind of stuff but he’s also been raising seedlings to plant in the spring but most of those are gone and Matt and his boyfriend are there…

All the work tables have been pushed back to the benches on both side and covered with white tablecloths and the guys are…have set up this mixed set up od red and white roses and red and white poinsettias and there’s these tall candelabra in between them all and Eli’s boys are setting up these ornaments and decorations hanging from the roof trusses and instead of an altar or the lattice archway there is this great big Christmas tree.

Oh…

“Oh God Brandon I though this was going to be just something simple…”

Cass is crying hugging her dad. “Oh guys I love it! I…I never pictured anything like this…not even in my dreams!”

Craig hugs her back. “You deserve the best honey.”

Brandon hugs me and pulls Cass over into hi other arm. “I totally agree with Craig on this one and it’s a hell of a good idea. And Sam…you deserve this too.”

I’m a sobby mess and he’s pulling us both in tight and we just watch for a few minutes. Then he lets out a big sigh. “Cmon that chicken’s getting cold and you two have a lot of stuff to do.”

(Sniffle.) “Yeah…”

We all head back inside and call the others in the greenhouse in and someone knew I was getting KFC and had gotten some too only we had all the sides made by Chuck like baked potatoes and his gravy and collard greens which have made their way up here brought in by the states but also by the Caribbean immigrants. Great gravy…I’m not sure what he did but it was awesome and there was even this sauce that Brandon had made just canned cranberries and orange juice and honey and lots of black pepper in the blender. I liked it, it sort of made the KFC like extra Christmassy.

I think KFC should make stuffing or dressing as a side at Christmas time.

We’re laughing and talking and we’re having a good time and we can’t help but to talk about the wedding and stuff.

God I’m scared and nervous and excited.

Cass and I head home after a few hours and we’re leaning on each other and kissing each other and we’re snuggling together and we even spend time kissing and necking and falling into each others eyes.

“This is really happening isn’t it.” She says to me.

“It is but I can’t believe it either.”

“I never thought I’d really meet someone like you Sam, no one’s ever loved me like this.”

“God Cass I feel the same way, you make me feel loved and wanted and safe…like I wasn’t just some t-girl that people put up with but like I was a real girl.”

“You are real, you’re the most real woman that I know…”

And then there’s more staring into each others eyes…the snow falling out past the porch and we’re lit up by the Christmas lights and it’s one of those things, those time you fall a little deeper…

We start kissing and it’s those kisses that are so soft and tinted with the scent of our make-up, the sexy silky lingerie of kisses from the feel of or lipstick gliding together and our hands touching each others faces, fingers slipping through hair and just losing ourselves in each other.

Casey you make me feel so loved…I feel pretty and so special because of you.

I want to do right by you forever.

I say it with my kisses, with my touch and my eyes.

It’s like that too see her eyes, feeling her touch, her kisses…it’s so like…

Sam…sweet Sam…I’ve looked so long for someone who really get me…who loves me because I am just who I am…tough, brave but I’m fragile too…you let me be all of me and I’ve only ever been half.

Let me kiss you forever, let my touch your soul Sam, let me love you like you crave, let me love you like I need to.

We lose tack of time and we only stop when her folks come over and we all get inside and cuddle together over her dad’s Canadian Club Apple cider that’s hot reduced cider that’s blended with vanilla ice cream and then the whiskey the ice cream just cools it to where you can drink it but it’s really yummy. I love how Cass snuggles with it. Me this is good but even better it’s a family treat recipe.

Family…

I’ve gotten a new one and it’s getting even bigger. I say “Thanks Dad…” as he gives me my second one and a. “Thanks Mom.” when Mandy brings out her maple frosted shortbread cookies. He gives me the one armed Daddy hug and the kiss to the forehead that…it takes me back to before the bad stuff when I was my Daddies little girl and I break a little right there and hug his waist and sniffle cry a bit my face into his hip.

Cass sniffles and rubs my back and so does Mandy.

“I’m s..s..sorry you guys…I never thought I’d have this again…god…thank you so much…”

Mandy kisses the back of my head. “Well it’d too late now Sammy, you’re stuck with us…you made my Casey happier than I’ve ever seen her in my life and we’ve fallen in love with you too….we’ll always be your family.”

There’s a good cry and then we actually get down to business with me and Cass being apart as Mandy, Jenny, Lacey and some of the others are helping me and Cass with our dresses and not seeing each other in them and when we’re not doing that we’re on the phone and talking to people and inviting them to the weddings.

Yeah weddings…we both felt very strongly about this over the drinks and we’re actually so busy getting things together still. Even cooking for both of them to have stuff for both events.

Mandy chases us both off the bed about four twenty I the morning. We shower, brush our teeth and cuddle up together kissing and touching and staring at each other like on the porch swing until our eyes are just getting too heavy despite the happy tears leaking out from both of us…

“We’re getting married tomorrow…” I smile at her.

She smiles back at me so bright and just…when she doesn’t catch my breath she catches my soul.

(Sniffle.) “Yeah tomorrow we get to be forever…”

I cry again but push right into her breast to breast, leg twined and tummy to tummy, mounds touching and It’s really crying but I’m kissing her over ad over and her back crying too until that’s how we fall asleep together.