Images 38
Chapter 38
……………………….
I…
I push her away from me first of all and look at her.
“I have a daughter?”
Ingrid looks at me and I’m staring at her now. She nods and grabs some toilet paper and she wipes her mouth and she spits again.
“I have a daughter.”
(Sniffle-spit) “Yes.”
“And you slipped me a Viagra and raped me…”
“C’mon Jenna it was hardly rape…” My god she looks like she actually believed that.
“Of course it’s fucking rape! It’d be the same thing as a guy fucking a girl when she’s passed out!”
Yeah I’m telling which of course gets her upset and she yells back at me.
“I fucking loved you Jenna and I thought that if I got knocked up you’d stay with me because we had a fucking kid. Boo fucking hoo I was the one that had to ride that goddamned thing until the pill wore off.”
I’m…I mean holy…I’m seeing red and just trying to deal with her and all of this.
“If you wanted to keep me there then why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”
“I didn’t know and by the time I did know you’d fucked off to god knows where. I tried the police but I couldn’t get anything from them or anyone else.”
“I was living in a group home until the abuse there got too much then as soon as I hit sixteen I was out on my own.”
“Yeah well I tried looking for you, Then fucking Troy let me know where you were hooking at.”
“I wasn’t hooking, I waited tables.”
“Yeah…sure…it was a fucking tranny bar Jenna I’m not fucking stupid. Jesus fuck Jenna!”
I close my eyes and just lean my head against the stall wall. There’s tears slipping out again.
“Why Ingrid…why you were like my best friend…my sister.”
“I loved you Jenna and it all changed when you started to moon over those guys when we were Second Cup like…like you…No! oh…no you had to fuck everything up and be into guys…but I could change that and…and…”
“And what?...just what Ingrid.”
“Troy had found out some how that you were you and that you had no intention of ever being with me because he had you bent over already in his car and taking his cock!”
“That never happened.”
“I know that now and he was just so good at lying and how that you were even making fun of me for being your little dykling! He said that he was tired of you and your macho shit as Jaime but now you were going to be like this right royal bitch that was going to rule the school….”
“I was too scared to dress in public without you Ingrid, I thought you knew me?”
“I thought so too but everyone was just always on me for being a lesbian and I thought, I needed not to be and then…then he said that you were going to out me!”
“So you were being you and you punched first.”
“I wasn’t going to let you hurt me!” she crying now and all defensive.
Me I’m still quietly trying to hang onto myself with my head and back to the wall of the bathroom stall.
“You nearly destroyed my life Ingrid……” I…it just comes out quietly…painfully.
“Ha!...me? I destroyed your life? I fell for you1 and I get stuck with have this fucking thing inside of me and when the truth comes out I get kicked out of my family, not just me house but my family for being a dyke who got knocked up by a tranny-fag!”
More tears slip down my cheeks.
“Tell me you don’t act around Giselle like she’s this “thing” please don’t tell me that…”
“Oh fuck off Jen she’s two…she really won’t get why mommy’s never connected…I really never knew just how much that I didn’t want to be a mother…until I had her…O won’t be alive for her to keep hating me.”
SLAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah I slap her harder than I have ever slapped anyone in my life.
“You don’t do that to a kid Ingrid! Never! They can feel it! They know!....”
I’m screaming at her and she’s picking herself off the floor because I slapped her that hard and I’m thumping my head now against the wall of the bathroom stall.
“You hit me?!”
“Tough, you deserved it.”
“What!? I’m fucking dying of cancer! You have any idea how hard my life has been? No…..1 because Jenna Fucking Morgan went off and partied at a tranny club until she found her sugar daddy guy and sucked his dick until he married you!”
Sorry God…
I slap the scunt again.
This time I’m mad and I’ll talk to God about it later. I get up on my knees and pull her back up onto her knees and sit her up in the corner near the front of the stall and grab a fistful of blouse and bra pulling her to my face king of twisting too…yeah I know ouch…
“I had such a good time huh…you always said you though you were good at reading people well take a good look Ingrid……when I got outed by you guys the first thing that happened was my step dad coming in to beat it out of me then he decided that if I thought I wanted cock then he’d show me what I was in for…He beat me with his belt and the buckle…I still have the scars…and then he raped me…”
I let her go and let her slump back but I’m still looking at her and shaking in pain and anger and my fists are clenched so hard my bad shoulder is aching.
“And if that wasn’t enough my mom…my birth mother lost her shit and she… (Hard stare through my bangs at Ingrid.)…she doused me with gasoline and she was trying to not just fucking kill me but light me on fire…”
I raise my arms halfway and fight off the urge to punch the wall of the stall take a few deep breaths and I let the fists go.
“After that was the group home and you couldn’t find me right away because I was still a minor my placement was sealed…but the place was a shithole and like I said I had made plans and as soon as I became sixteen I left and started working…just trying to keep my head down and survive…I never hooked even though I could’ve…but after being raped…and the sexual abuse at the group home…I wanted nothing to do with guys…”
(Big tired teary sigh.)
“Not until I met Taylor and he stopped me from taking an overdose or walking into traffic and he showed me that we can have a life if we fight hard enough for it.”
She crying hugging herself and staring at me like she had no idea what I’d been through…
I see her fight it back and her do the other thing she used to do when upset…make a joke… “So….this some kind of new counciling trick slap the cancer-chick?”
“No… (Small smile.)…Taylor’s still in recovery from his cancer treatments…I slapped you because of what you’ve been doing to our daughter…and for being a bitch…”
She tries a smile again but it breaks up. “God Jenna…I know I suck!, I’m the shittiest parent around!...it just never happened…nothing…even when she was breast feeding there was nothing…I wanted to come clean sooner…IO did…but I was scared and now…I don’t have a choice…you’re the only thing she’s got.”
You ever know when it hits and it’s like god reaches down and touches you a minutes and everything get’s clear?
I just felt that.
I look up and smile a second at the ceiling. I mouth thank you.
I look at Ingrid. “She has you…even if you’re not feeling it she has you and you are for all of the other stuff you’ve done you’re being a good mom….you’re being a good Mummy.”
(Sniffle-sob!) “I am?”
I reach over and I pull her into a hug. “Yes you are. You’ve lost your family, your girlfriend’s gone and you just couldn’t step into being a mother…but you are…you are now, you came here to talk to me and for us to hash this out and get past it for her…you’re trying to fight it for her…and the fact that the two of you have never bonded the way that you really wanted to hurts you so bad…you’re a good Mummy even if you don’t think that you’re being one…”
She stares at me and starts to really bawl and I just let her…I pick her up and I carry her out of the restroom and through to the back I stop. “Iggy..? Where’s Giselle?”
(Sniffle-sob.) “Idavab…”
“In the van?” She nods but face still in my chest. “Are the keys in your purse?” she nods.
I look over to Taylor who nods and he’s already out the door and out crew just slips into the places they need to be when we’re both not there with nods and smiles for both of us.
God…their awesome.
You know they might work here and get paid for it but friendship? You can’t buy friendship like this.
I carry her up.
I fucking, fucking hate what she did. I’ll never ever forget the stuff she and they put me through.
But…I can’t hate her…I can’t ever say I still don’t love her because she’s my Iggy-pop…my best friend…my first real friend…and she needs me.
I want to be able to talk to god and more importantly my baby girl with a clean soul.
I have to.
I’m rocking her and holding her as she’s fallen asleep from stress and exhaustion in my lap and arms when my heart…of my heart breaks and shatters and melts at the same time.
Taylor comes in all bent over holding the hand of this little blonde girl in a little denim dress with piglet on it and she doing that little two year old clumsy walk not clumsy walk and she…she’s beautiful…even staring at me with those huge blue eyes of hers as she sort of hides behind and chews on her fist…she…is so beautiful…
And Taylor…my sweet Taylor’s looking at her with that way that Daddy looks at me…
(Happy-Sniffle-Glomp-sobs)
Comments
Bailey?
Are you trying to solve the world's fresh water shortage with tears? Love it Bailey, love it.
It was short but I had to write this Thera.
Judging from the comments it really went deep.
Jenna is such a good character to write for.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Sorry but I can't
forgive as easy as Jenna.
Ingrid is a rapist and even worse, one that fails to admit it. She clearly think down on tg people ( "tranny freak" and all) and care more about herself then the people around her.She's even worse then Troy , as he at least admit of being a transphobic bantered, she did just as much harm ( even more so as we see) and think it's ok for her to make excuses about it(even blame Jen for some things)
It's funny that she gets sympathy as if she was a male all of us would go against her and tell how horrible of a monster she is ( justifiably, I might add), so why not do it in here?
I know it might invoke a flame war ( I hope not) but I don't care.As someone who been through a prolonged sexual abuse I can't take the matter lightly and can't forgive sex offenders and after seeing a TEACHER get 2 years in jail after she RAPED a male student ( the poor thing needed to see the judges tell him that according to the law females can't rape) this hit even harsher then normal( the press even gave her the right to make excuses and pushed it to the back pages of the newspaper ).
so sorry no sympathy for Ingrid here, I hope she'll get her just desert and fu$# off from Jenna's life.
Aside from that another great one Bailey ( hey if a story can bring out that much emotion it needs to be well written :D)
Lily.
Sadly...
...there are judges that don't take child abuse seriously. Even if a male student has physical 'control' over his actions, the relationship between him and his teacher is lopsided and manipulative and subsequently abusive. Many people just don't get how devastating this offense can be, and how far reaching and long lasting the consequences are. Even the penalties for male on female or male child abuse and rape can be slight and unfair.
Love, Andrea Lena
If
By physical control he could only be erect if he wanted to be then that is far from the truth.
I wasn't quite clear....I apologize
...What I meant is that even if a 15 year old boy wanted to have sex with a twenty-six year old female teacher, it's still about an imbalance in the relationship; even if there's no 'rape,' per se, the very nature of the relationship makes it a sexually abusive situation. It might not be considered a sexual 'assault,' it's almost always statutory rape from the perspective of the age difference and the minor status of the student. I'm not trying make a legal statement here. It's just that the disparity in age and influence seems to be lost when it's a woman teacher and a male student as opposed to the reverse or even a woman teacher and a female student. A wink and a nod from some because the boy got to have sex with his hot teacher when a male teacher having sex with one of the girls in his chem class would be sent to prison for the same actions, even if she 'consented?'
Love, Andrea Lena
Statutory Rape
Is problematic at best of times, it's even worse when it's a female on male.
As for the rest of the claims: In general man tend to report less on rapes(in relation to the amount on rapes) when the offender is female the statistic is even worse. The problem is that hose who do report it are often met with disdain and foul treatment from the authorities , if the offender is female the chance for the case to reach court is really low and in most countries does not even considered rape.
I had to listen to a bunch of gay men
say that Theo Flurry "must have wanted" to be abused by his coach, until I almost blew up and tried to set them straight. When someone has a lot more power than you do, and then demands sex, its rape, but a lot of people have trouble understanding that.
Troy...Troy loved the power.
And it is all about the power. Jenna's been through it too much...but she's not going to let it wreck her and really not wreck her daughter's life.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey...A Proud Big Brother.
Bailey Summers
Re: Statutory Rape
In my case, except for the one time when I was 4.5 years old, the other instances were all done by 15 and 16 year old males.
Wow, just looked up about age of consent here in Canada and got a shock. Age of consent was 14 until it was raised to 16 in 2008. With that being the case, only the first time that occurred at 4.5 years old would have qualified as statutory rape under our laws.
Not that it matters to me, the shock and emotional pain from those times sent me into a brutal two year depression/anger spiral.
What bothers me even more than the actual events is the way that many people respond when I tell them that I've been male to male raped four times in my life: "It wasn't rape, you little shit, males can't be raped, males do the raping" and similar total bullshit.
People have no idea just how much it hurts when someone denies you were hurt/abused simply because you were born male.
I reported the incidents that happened in the group home and they were all dealt with there. One of the two boys that raped me (he did it twice) ended up brutally assaulting me a few months later and was sent to St. John's reformatory after his conviction.
I have no idea if the guy who raped me when I was 4.5 years old was ever charged or not.
You are quite right, female on male cases are all too often just dropped because of extremely low probabilities of conviction.
I've read lots of stuff over the years and the thing that haunts me about rape survivors is that far too few ever go and press charges.
"Sexual Assault Statistics in Canada. A Numerical Representation of the Truth. Of every 100 incidents of sexual assault, only 6 are reported to the police." <------ Only six out of one hundred step up and report sexual assault or rape? Holy fuck, that's insanely low.
I guess it's not as surprising as I thought; when people are terrified that them saying anything could result in them being disowned, thrown out on the street, brutally beaten or even killed, they're not likely to go and report that something happened to the police. Hell, in some places in the world, reporting something like that to the police could be even more traumatic.
Rape/sexual assault is all about power and control over another person, it's not "love" or anything like it.
Gods! I'm sitting here, sort of shaking, not quite having flashbacks, semi nauseous, just writing about this upsets me a lot.
It's the farthest thing from easy for Jenna to forgive Ingrid.
She hates what happened, she hates Ingrid's attitudes and everything that has happened so much it hurts inside...makes her want to freak out and lash out and that's...that's not who she is.
It hurts her to be that person so...
It's about so much more how Jenna feels that she can live with herself and now...her daughter.
Jenna feels that she has to get above all of this for her little girl.
I'm glad that this was as powerful as you found it but I'm sorry for the bad stuff that it dredged up.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
any way you look at it
this was going to be a hard meeting.
Ingrid was stupid and did not have a clue, Troy was once again lying and manipulating.
now we see if they can heal from it.
good chapter, thanks
Thanks Lonewolf:)
there is a lot more healing to do but a lot more hurt to come too.
This will not be easy.
*Hugs and Howls.*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
I really hope Ingred know
I really hope Ingred know realises what an utter shit she's been over assumptions and lies, maybe she can eventually find redemption but no matter how compationate Jenna is some hurts cant be healed, lets hope if nothing else the can reach a midway point especially for the little girl dependant on her mother/s.
As always love the story, thanks Bailey
Big hugs for you and Jonelle
Lizzie :-)
Bailey's Angel
The Godmother :p
Ingrid might just be starting to get it Lizzie.
She had no idea what had been really happening in Jenna's life after she hurt Jenna before Jenna hurt her and all the stuff that Troy had said.
So much of Jenna's hurts will always be with her, they'll never go away except with time comes better ways of handling things....surviving and now there her daughter to fight for.
*Great Big Angel Hugs*
Bailey.
The Godfather;)
Bailey Summers
Oh Bailey,
you lay it on really thick sometimes. But... You do it so WELL.
*HuggleSnuggleSnifflePurr* T-T
Yeah but you liked it:)
*Huggles and Long soft scratches.*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
I know a lot about how Jenna feels.
Jenna is what I call a "real" Christian. She hates what Ingrid did to her, hates that she doesn't treat their daughter right, and hates that things worked out the way they did. Still, she knows that it is so important to forgive. People often don't understand what that means. It's not forgive and forget. It doesn't make everything all better. It doesn't mean you let someone hurt you repeatedly.
It means you forgive them, AND LET YOURSELF LOVE THE PERSON AGAIN. Let the bad stuff go, and focus on the person, the one who was important to you in the past. It means you open your heart and say, okay, you did something awful to me, and it may take a while to trust you again, but I still love you, and we will get through this. My doors are open to you. Talk to me.
"Real" Christianity does not hate. It doesn't mean you are a sucker for forgiving. It means you can rejoice that the person you thought was lost to you is back in your life.
Wren
God Wren, that's exactly it. People are both horrible/amazing.
Everything that you said in this Amazing Comment.
You really nailed Jenna's heart and soul.
*Great Big Huge Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
exhale...
*Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath*
I... I still just don't know what to think about Ingrid. I thought after last chapter I'd make my mind up. I'd hate her or find a way to be more forgiving of her.
After reading this chapter, I can't forgive her for what she's done to Jenna, it crossed too big a line. Can I stop hating her though? I... don't know. I'm not really a violent person but I was with Jenna all the way with every slap she delivered. And to top it all off she left a two year old in a van on her own?!?! Fuck. I was hoping for contritition but she raped Jenna and she still won't bloody accept it was rape?!? I just want to.... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... And then she has the temerity to do the poor little moi routine given everything she's done to Jenna. If it wasn't for Taylor, then Jenna would probably have killed herself that day they met. I hate Ingrid with a passion but at the same time I pity her and the mess she's made of things. And even though she never felt a connection with the child, she never aborted her, never abandoned her... and that's a good thing right? I think it prolly is a good thing. So is she a bad person who has done good things or a good person who did a very, very, very unspeakably bad thing? Damned if I know right now.
But then thinking about it, Ingrid is clearly a very broken person and is paying for her mistakes (cut off from her family, friendless, dying...) so I should probably be more forgiving of her right? Except I'm not sure I can... what she did was just soooooooooooo grrrrrrrr!! And now I'm rambling. Focus on the good I guess. Gisele could have a wonderful mummy and daddy in Jenna and Tay.
I'm not even entirely sure if these are tears of anger, of sadness or awwwwwwwww tears for the ending lines (which were brilliant). Either way it's waaaaaaay beyond tissue stage tears. I may need to drink a bottle of water to replace the water loss. *sniffle*
I think this chapter (when combined with last) is probably only rivalled by some of the early chapters of Sweet Dreams in terms of the emotional response it provoked from me.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Thank You Soooo Much Jemima!
This was such a huge and powerful comment and I'm so glad that this got across the whole sweep of feelings that Jenna's going through. I love that you get this and love the empathy that is coming from you and others for Jenna.
And I'm only getting started with this...there's so much here...
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
I love this story.
You sort of knew that last bit was going to happen but the daughter caught me totally off guard.
I love this story.
You sort of knew that last bit was going to happen but the daughter caught me totally off guard.
Yeah it caught Jenna flat too.
But there's going to be a lot more to this storyline within the story:)
i'm really glad that you enjoyed it:)
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
The Bad, The Good
Wow Bailey, you gave one hard one here.
---- not intending to start a fight ----
I don't know how to treat those two (Ingrid, Troy)
- They both did some horrible stuff to Jenna for some petty reasons.
But without that, Taylor would probably dead to cancer, and no possibility for Ingrid.
Her dad would still be in celibate with no contact with her.
So much GOOD came from all that s**t.
---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ----
Yeah, Bailey you put me trough one hell of a roller coaster. And now I have to wait for the next chapter instead of playing catch-up.
Peace, Love and Happiness
tmf
Thank You TMF:)
I'm really glad that you've been caught up in this and enjoyed it so much. I'm working on the next one soon.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers